#and bc im finally on medication i really feel better than i have possibly ever. so its just weird

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[heyitsyn]

White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

so

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over 

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

‘uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend 

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away 

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen 

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time 

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost  a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside 

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that 

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back 

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy 

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him 

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

‘hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up 

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry,  you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you 

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now? 

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience 

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes 

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

[angelnumber27]

Checking in! I know you've been having a hard time lately with physical and mental health. You don't need to answer this if you don't want to but youre going to be alright. Take care of yourself make sure you're taking meds if you need them. Stay safe okay!!!

Thank you sweet heart! I really appreciate you checking up 💓😇 Im doing much better today :) I finally got some sleep after two days and had a calm and good day 🤍🤍🧚🏻‍♂️💆🏻‍♀️🕊 I made some art, did a study on fungi and their shapes and did a lot of productive things like cleaning up and reading and writing :) my body is extremely sore like everywhere but I don’t mind as long as I’m not in full panic mode constantly. That happens occasionally. I take my meds exactly as prescribed every single day! I know myself and I know how important it is to be consistent with what I am putting in my body because my body is incredibly sensitive to changes, especially chemical ones. Therefore, its not withdrawal from medication, things would be much much MUCH worse if that was the case. I’m talking crying endlessly every waking minute and not being able to stop, calm down or self-soothe and suicidal ideation that I can’t shake, severe brain zaps every 2-5 minutes, feeling hot, nauseous, restless, sometimes I’ll get like muscle aches and spasms, and bad depression as well as all of my severe and unmanageable ocd symptoms immediately flooding back. Those rare times when I accidentally run out of medication or when I’m not able to take it for a few days for whatever reason, make me realize just how much my medication is helping and how much of a difference it makes. I’m like damn I must have felt SO horrible before I was prescribed.. or it’s likely that it wasn’t really that bad before but since my body is now used to receiving the medication every day it becomes that bad when I don’t take it for like 72 hours. Its kind of sad bc I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop taking it. Idk about anybody else but honestly I think I would rather take one little pill daily than experience awful constant panic, hysterical crying, deep fear and impending doom. It’s worth it for me. Of course everyone is different and the medication that has been life-changing for me could very well make the next person feel suicidal. Everybody has different brain chemistry and unfortunately it takes some trial and error to find what works for you but I think (depending on the situation ofc) it is worth it to give it a try. So sorry for rambling, that’s just how my mind works lol. I think of one thing and a million other things stem from that. I don’t know if people understand this but when I say I have racing thoughts I mean seriously RACING thoughts. Nonstop, super ‘loud’ and intrusive thoughts bombarding my brain from every angle that are very very difficult to turn off or soothe. Anyway all in all I am doing well and I am staying as safe as possible. I was thinking about it today and honestly considering my situation and everything I have been through, I am doing extremely well and I am incredibly healthy. For somebody in my position, with my trauma, having being stalked and harassed daily for the past four years by somebody who knows about my trauma, the false sense of loneliness, severe depression, panicky tendencies, unbridled stress, negative surroundings, patterns of thinking, memories of abuse and the ways that has taught me to view myself, as well as the various mental illnesses I am constantly combatting, I’m excelling all things considered lol.

If anybody actually read this this far thank you SO much you’re an angel and I appreciate you caring about me and my wellbeing more than you know. I really really hope everybody is having a beautiful day and that you are all in a position in life that is comfortable and safe.

[ah-kasuna]

Heyy fellow fervent SasoDei shipper here. Can I have a link to your fic because I really wanna check it out!

 Oh, buddy! I’d give you the link, but it’s all in polish! ;_; I don’t often read fics in english, cause my polish SasoDei fandom is absolutely diamond and enough for me, plus polish language is really beautiful and you can use a lot more different ways to describe one thing, that’s why i prefer it in fics. This is espeacially important with describing feelings and romantic situations and awh, I can feel them better this way. U can’t do this so carefully in english because we have many more terms for almost each word, so it’s easy to build the mood right the way you want it. 

But! I hope one day iI’ll have some time and try to translate on of my favs, because they deserve it as hell.

And I can a least tell you what is it about! So:

This is medical AU. At the beggining Deidara is 1st year medic school student (wants to be the surgeon) and Sasori is the lecturer of anathomy, the one that is feared all over the university for being as hell severe and exacting (and he the genius of what he teaches, so they have the respect anyway). And Deidara is scatty ofc and also, he is good in theoretical, but bad in practice, that’s why he is always seen as a dumbass at Sasori’s practice class. One day he fucked up so much that Sasori forces him to have a special one on one lesson of practice with him, so he could pass the topic. And funny as hell is that the topic is male reproductive organs. XDDDDDDDDD So he practically disassemble those parts as for ex penis (prepared in formalin) to pieces with his help and in front of his poor eyes (BEING UNHEALTHY AMUSED AND SARCASTIC). There are many funny as hell descriptions and at the finish Deidara passes the lesson and run away, and then he checks out of his group. XD Next part is about pathomorphology exam that Deidara tries to pass, but the leading teacher of this subject is unfortunately absent, so he has to deal with Sasori (who became the dean of the faculty of pathomorphology to be more funny) instead. xD Dei is dying inside, but has no choice. And of course he misses one question more than is possible to pass the thing. So Sasori, again sarcastis as fuck, is about to fail him, but Deidara cries his eyes out, so prof Akasuna (secretly in love with him) shows him grace and let him pass. And moment before it Deidara accidentaly breaks the really expensive specimen slide, the pieces falls to the floor, and as he is about to clean them (all the ime crying as a baby), Sasori grabs his hand and tells him not to cut his fingers. And that’s the moment when Deidara fells in love back with him, while Sasori holds back himself from kissing him, bc it’s inappropriate and things omg. ;______;  So instead he tells him to get out of his side before he’ll change his mind about letting him pass.

AND FINALLY 3RD PART, years after, when Dei is already a doctor. Head of the hospital makes him visit Akasuna in his private house, because they have to deliever him some specimen slides to examine (idk if in your country it works like this, but in Poland yeah XD), cause he is the pathomorphologist and does the thing. So Deidara meets him again, they try to speak normally like the adults, but then the rain falls and weather goes really shitty, so Sasori forces him to pass the night at his place. AND THINGS HAPPENS, they got drunk cause it’s Sasoris’s 40th b-day XD, Deidara accidentally breaks the wine glass and as he tries to clean it, Sasori grabs his hand as he did years before, telling him exactly the same words about not cutting his fingers. And then they realise this is no goin back, they drunk and adult after all, so they have very passionate sex and decides to be with each other. I CRIED OK. After everything Deidara is moving in with him and they live like the 2 medical nerds, fighting and loving ones. 

This is the main story, but there are more one shots in this AU, about what is happening after and things, sometimes random funny situations that makes me laugh myself to the death. Hidan is the paramedic for ex. XDDDD End they have the best BROtp in the hospital. 

Yeah, this is the best piece I’ve ever been into yknow. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

[martiestudies]

also #lifeupdate

im so sick and tired of having to be productive tbh. i’ve been on psycological leave (is that a thing? is that what is called? idk im not going to school and my psychologist gives me the justification for it so i dont fail all my classes) SO im not going to school and it helps with my mental health but. its finals szn. i have to do a fuck ton of stuff to pass the classes AND i graduate this year so there’s prom (that’s like, in two days) and then next week is the graduation ceremony AT LAST so i can fuck right off and never set foot in this school ever again. 

dont get me wrong i wouldnt ever choose any other secondary school to go to bc mine is BADASS and has some of the best professors who’ve inspired me to find what i want to do in life and who i want to be but. the rest. OOF. lately all i can do is loathe even thinking about going to class and it multiplies my hate for the school because I USED TO LOVE IT AND NOW YOU MAKE ME HATE IT AND SO I HATE IT MORE FOR THE FACT THAT I HATE IT. if that makes sense

so. yeah. im on psych leave or wtv. and i hate it because im missing out on my last days of high school and im going to regret not spending this time with these people who i may never see again in my life (its a small town so probably yeah. i hate this small town and want to fuck off far far away so probably not). but at the same time i cling to it like an anchor because i truly dont know what i would do without it. if im having a rough time just staying at home and doing my works and studying at home and just going to school to take tests i cant even imagine the hell i would be in if i had to go to class too. but i feel so powerless because i literally cant control myself anymore and. 

i hit rock bottom

except probably not. i guess i could be worse. but looking at myself now and just THINKING about being worse than this. i cant even imagine. i tried to call for help in any way possible and like, u know how it is with mental health. some people understand and some people dont and some people try to help but eventually their patience runs thin and they will yell at you because they think you’re being difficult and just dont want to get better. and I DO want to get better. but it makes me doubt? and i feel like i cant trust anyone and it makes it SO HARD to reach for help. i told my mom last night i wanted to die and she gave me an AWFUL reaction and said i was being selfish and a bunch of other stuff that hurt me. and she means well, she tries to help me to the best of her capacity, but. still. she doesn’t get it and its complicated. 

so yeah. i dont know how to go on. i have my therapist appointment tomorrow and idk what i’ll do. i’ll probably start seeing a shrink too because rn i’m taking clonazepam but it doesn’t really help and i want to know if there’s something else to help me bc psycoanalisis doesnt really do the job and idk any other kinds of therapy, and i really love my therapist rn and dont want to go to another one so maybe the mental health doctor allowed to give me medication will do. but idk. i dont think im being difficult or at least i dont want to be, i want to get better but i truly dont know how and im afraid that it really is me sabotaging my own wellbeing. im just so so sad and tired and really, i dont know what the fuck to do to feel better.

[yoosungs-hairclips]

heya!! i wanted to request hc’s for RFA with a methyphobic mc? i get rlly nauseous and terribly anxious (shaking, stuttering, sweating, tearing up, etc) when alcohol is around me or mentioned. my mom was a pretty horrible alcoholic, and that’s where it sprouted ^^;; my friends and family all think i’m weird for it, but i experienced a lot of trauma bc of alcohol, so it makes me feel rlly bad when they don’t try to understand. i was hoping for a bit of comfort through this!! thank you so much!!

yes of course!!! im so sorry that your friends and family say that, that is totally valid and it’s awful that you have to experience that! i’m super sorry if some of these sound repetitive or basic, i tried really hard to convey how much the RFA would care about you and respect your phobia, but i’m only human haha.

1,899 words, 10,051 characters

Yoosung

it comes out when you’re playing LOLOL together with some mutual friends of yours

one of them mentions how they just got back from buying beer from the nearby 7-eleven and how they’re gonna get wasted later that night

you want to say how uncomfortable you are, but out of fear of seeming “uncool” to yoosung’s friends, you stay silent even though you’ve been talkative all night

after around 10 minutes, the friend actually does bust out some of the beers and starts drinking

that’s when you start to really get nervous

as soon as the match is over, you start scrambling for any excuse to log off for the rest of the night

yoosung notices this, and since you two are literally in the same room, he spins in his chair and starts asking you what’s wrong

you remind him that he forgot to leave the match and it’s still going on,

but he doesn’t care about that dumb game right now.

he just wants to know what’s wrong and what he can do to help

after a lot of hugging, you finally tell him about your methyphobia

he’s a little taken aback, as he’s never heard of it.

but when he thinks about how much his friend was mentioning alcohol he gets

really irritated at his “friend”

you have to tell him that his friend didn’t know and that it’s okay but he still insists on telling him how uncomfortable he made you

after a long back and forth, you realize there’s no stopping him

as if he read your mind, he immediately shoots up to his computer and starts typing

then, when he’s taken care of that, he takes your hand and starts reassuring you again

he’ll never let any mention of alcohol touch your ears again, not if he can help it

and he means it.

he’s really glad that you told him so he can try preventing something like this ever happening again

he never, ever wants you to be uncomfortable.

that’s the last thing that you deserve.

Zen

you’re trying to catch up on social media and your favorite TV shows when you hear keys clicking outside the apartment and the door creaking open

as soon as you look over, you see zen stumbling in

from the look on his face and his posture, it’s easy to tell that he’s had a horrible day on set

you try to comfort him and make conversation, but he only mumbles in reply while getting a beer out of the fridge

moments after he pops it open, your palms start getting sweaty and you freeze

you try to tell him that that makes you uncomfortable, but your voice only comes out as murmurs

“did you say something, jagiya?”

mkfadgmkklgadbmlwfklmbfmklfwkmlbaefl

you try again, stuttering out a more coherent statement on how mentions of or especially the presence of alcohol make you extremely anxious

right away, his eyes go wide and he sets his drink down

he sits down next to you on the couch and looks in your eyes, staying silent but you know what he’s asking

you gulp, take a deep breath, and tell him about your methyphobia and what it means

he has to ask a few questions, such as why this came to be and the like

when you tell him about your mom, he’s disgusted with her

he can’t believe it? how did such a wonderful person come out of such a bad family situation?

you really cannot believe he asked that when he came from a bad family too

after a lot of talking and venting from you, he promptly throws out all his alcohol and promises never to drink any or mention it to you again unless you’re okay with it

if you ever start panicking while eating out he’ll be by your side in a flash, rubbing your back and giving you breathing exercises or whatever you need

he’s 100% supportive of you, and he’ll give up any bad habit he needs to if it helps you at all

Jaehee

it’s a sunday, and a lot of families came to the café after church together

it was packed all day

when you get home, you try to unwind by binging jaehee’s bottomless collection of zen DVDs

she’s a little late, telling you she has to get something from the kitchen really fast and asks you if you want anything

you refuse, you’ve had dinner and you already have water

she understands, and dashes off

after about a minute of you setting up the DVD, she comes back with a cheese plate and a wine glass

as soon as you see the crimson liquid in the glass, your hands start to vibrate and shake furiously

you try to hide it by holding them tightly, but she notices before you tuck them away in your pockets

“is s-something wrong?? did i do something??”

she’s, so worried,

you’re a little hesitant to tell her but you’ve been dating for a few months and you have to tell her eventually, right?

through shaky breaths, you explain your methyphobia and why it came to be,

everything.

she never interrupts you, purely focusing on listening to you until you’re done after about 3 and a half minutes

afterwards, she apologizes for never asking if you’re comfortable with her relying on drinking wine as a stress reliever

she says how she doesn’t blame you in the slightest for not telling her sooner, it’s hard to trust people with such sensitive information and she would have struggled with it too.

you have a really long conversation about your lives and everything you struggle with talking about to others

you both forget all about the DVD

after you tell her that you’re starting to get sleepy, she dumps out the wine, puts the cheese away, and gives you honest to god the tightest hug you’ve ever gotten from someone.

as well as a kiss on the cheek heehee

she gives you a lot more cuddles that night

and when you’re both awake, she delays the shop opening so she can do as much research on methyphobia as a woman could possibly do in one morning

she’s very sensitive about it afterwards, and always makes sure that you don’t get reminded of alcohol (when she can help it)

Jumin

you’re playing with elizabeth the 3rd and waiting for jumin to come home when you get a call

speak of the devil!!

you pick up almost instantly, asking him how work is going and telling him what elizabeth has been doing all day

he lets out a small .. nose exhale? of a laugh before telling you that he actually called you to inform you of a sudden change of plans for the afternoon/evening

you’re really excited! you’re usually just stuck in the penthouse all day, without anything to do

so any chance to get out is a good thing, especially with jumin

right? eh

he continues, saying how he has to go to an event for work purposes

it turns out there’s a nearby wine tasting and there’s a lot of potential customers there

as he went, the smile on your face slowly fell until he said the word “wine” and any sign of joy was smacked out of you

your head started spinning, you were spluttering trying to think of an answer

“o-okay, i’ll s-s-see yo-you the-there”

fuck. shit what the fuck

he notices your panicking, but decides not to say anything and save it for later

“i’ll see you later, yes. have a good afternoon, my love. excuse me.”

and he hung up

and you sat down

and tried to gather your thoughts

fuckkrignnrjgts.df.g.t.gnntghntg/h.mgfnue3rnfnnsae943203t0reend what the, god damn,

you try to rationalize. you don’t have to be there for long. as C&R’s heir’s wife, you have to go to a lot of events

and all you had to was hold on to his arm and look pretty

if just most of the people there saw you with him, you could probably sneak off and go home early

so that’s what you decided on.

you picked out your dress, got one of the maids for advice on accessories, and you were ready to go

you were in the middle of psyching yourself up to leave when the door opened and your husband walked in

he commented on how nice you looked already, and excused himself to go change

it was about 10 minutes before he came back out and started to dial driver kim’s number

you had to say something

“w-wait.”

??

then it all came spilling out, the fact you couldn’t come to the wine tasting, your past alcoholic mother, and your horrible case of methyphobia

jumin stood there paralyzed for about 5 seconds straight before straightening up and

“okay. i’ll see you tonight then.”

??????????? WHAT

you really did not see that coming

he just… accepted the fact you couldn’t go

he could see the surprise in your face

you told him how you really expected him to be more dramatic about it, making a big show about how you had to be there.

“i’m hurt that you thought i would ever force you to do anything you would not like to. your comfort is more important than my image, MC.”

you basically imploded on the spot

jhhohOOOOOH  my god

you thanked him profusely, and told him to have a good time

he gave you a kiss

and then headed out

when he came back, he gave you a lot more affection than he did before

“affection” can mean whatever you want it to 👀👀👀

to be honest, i’ve been thinking for a while and i really just couldn’t think of a scenario about 707 drinking or bringing you into a situation where people are drinking? im sorry, i tried my best doing random HCs i thought of. it’s a lot less coherent than the other ones, but it’s better than nothing.

707

when he finds out, he’s shocked

what!

because you don’t really take medication or anything for your phobia since… you don’t need any honestly, there was no way for him to know via background check

he’s very sweet about it

even though he’s constantly memeing and joking around, he’s extremely cautious making jokes about alcohol

if anyone DARES to make fun of you for it or degrades you

honey

they’ve got a big storm coming

he’ll probably put a photo album of his cosplaying going on their phone for the next few months

lol

this boy understands anxiety, so if you ever are uncomfortable because it’s been mentioned or someone around you is drinking, he’ll either try to distract you with jokes or if need be, ZOOP you out of there right away and calm you down

he’s so much more protective of you, especially in public

if you tell him to stop he’ll stop though

he just wants you to know he’s always there for you

because you’re always there for him

[simcophogi]

hello r u doing ok?

@starshine-sims THANK YOU!!! ♥

@surreysimmer @awolzai TY! I LOVE YOU GUYS!! Sorry, I went mia, I MISS U T^T

THIS IS GONNA BE REALLY LONG AND REALLY RANTY SO IM SORRY IN ADVANCE IF U READ IT LOL. 

save yourself and just keep scrolling

I’m gonna drop a lot of shit fyi. tldr at the bottom if you don’t wanna read all this heavy garbage.

So for a general refresher on my life, because no one asked and i feel like oversharing in this chili’s tonight, we’re gonna dive in deep. I dropped out of college to deal with a shit ton of mental health problems last year. (severe depression, anxiety, toxic relationships, toss in some trauma from an ex-boyfriend, lots of panic attacks, like the list is massive) I had one year (or so) left so that really sucked and ended up hurting more than helping me mentally. Tack on emotional stress of now trying to figure out how to write a resume without adding the fancy BA in arts/technology (whatever the fuck I was doing), and trying to find a job before the boredom eats me alive. But not actually having a resume to give people makes that quite difficult. Plus living with my parents, who I adore and they’ve been helpful and wonderful and I couldn’t ask for more understanding or more supportive people, but I’m super cozy and haven’t had an intense need to get out of the house yet. Even though I really miss living on my own. 

My doctor has me on medication that ruined my appetite, so I’m eating maybe?? once a day? It’s not good. It’s helped with anxiety at least, so I’m enjoying the outdoors and occasionally getting out of the house. I wake up every few hours wanting food but not being able to eat it, so I'm exhausted. I’ve gotten to watch the sunrise a lot though. It’s beautiful but I would love to watch it without hearing my stomach roar. 

It’s been at least a month since all that and it’s gotten better, I’m at least sort of eating lunch and dinner. Maybe a snack during the day. Still not optimal though, still watching that wonderful sunrise and it’s really peaceful in the mornings I’ll give it that. I have good days that I’ll actually try to be social, but the majority are just, I lay in bed and watch the ceiling fan until I get called down for dinner, or I deem it an acceptable time to sleep. It’s incredibly dull and HOT DAMN I wish I could actually sit and play sims because I want to, but the excitement is just not there. Sometimes there’s a spark but it always fizzles out before I do anything.

+ if this wasn’t enough ranting already for you, add on the fact that my girlfriend/best friend went mia for another 3 months, came back and has been sporadically going offline and not contacting me for days at a time. She’ll come back, explain what happened and then we go back to normal. And then she’ll disappear again. It’s incredibly draining for both of us, and I’m always livid when this happens because a warning would’ve been nice or something but it’s almost always a reason out of her control that I won’t go into detail on bc it’s family/personal related. But it always seems like there’s something I could be doing or something she could be doing. Or that she’s not trying to talk to me, or she’s not trying hard enough and then I feel like shit because I know she is doing all she can. (A lot of or’s and what if’s here. She’s been mia since Sunday so I’ve had time to think of all the possibilities of what’s happened this time and it’s quite a ride.) I’ve never doubted her before, I mean we constantly talk about the day we’re living together, getting to take care of each other and doing face masks and playing stupid games. Married and have kids + trying to see how many dogs we can have without dying. We’re both incredibly excited for that. But this is happening more often and it feels like there’s some easier solution that we’re both missing. The distance hasn’t ever really been a problem for us, or at least not a major one. But six years have kind of/sort of finally started to wear us down and there’s this ache when I talk to her sometimes because I want her next to me. I want to be able to go on road trips with her and randomly bring home stupid gifts. I want to be able to buy her family things and play dumb drinking games with them. I want to be able to ask her when she’s getting home and have it mean when are you going to be able to hug me. I wanna have dumb fights that we settle with lightsabers. 

I’m moving on before I start bawling.

Literally, all my problems (or a large majority) would be solved if I could get a job. And there’s the cycle. I need a job to get money to visit my girlfriend, but I need a resume to get a job. I need a job/purpose to help kick me out of this depressive funk I’m in but I need a resume. And I need to not be so depressed and critical if I’m going to actually write a resume because every time I look at it and try to write it I break down sobbing and I feel like a failure and OOF. Plus I need some motivation to actually work on things to put in a portfolio so I can get a job that I actually like and won’t hate. 

If you read all of that I’ll send you a picture of Fudge because you are a fucking trooper. (and that’s also all i have to give but like you deserve something LOL) 

tl;dr Hi, I’m not ok. Like at all. Taking it day by day, looking on the bright side of things (trying to at least). I’ll be lurking, but I won’t be posting anything. Maybe the occasional reblog, but I’m just going on an indefinite hiatus until something gets sorted. I’m not super amazing at talking to people right now but I’m way more active on discord so if you want to chat feel free to add me and say hi (meg#5181). I’ll still talk here but I might take a while to answer.

[mvrnic]

*please be aware serious topics are talked about so tw for; miscarriage, substance abuse, relapse, mental health. please look after yourselves.

DISCLAIMER/PSA/IDK; THIS ALL TECHNICALLY HAPPENS AFTER CHRISTMAS BUT DANI IS ON A WEEK HIATUS BEFORE THE CHANCE/MIA WEDDING AND ITS THAT WEIRD PERIOD WHERE EVERYONES A LITTLE BUSY SO I PRESENT TO YOU

THE TEGAN AND DANI FUCKS SHIT UP AGAIN SHOW.  okay so previously on  “some fuckery we pulled” marnie and angel lost their second child in a miscarriage, first trimester so it was pretty early but a horrible experience for them both. obviously. in the events of this marnie stopped taking her BPD medication and went down into a really bad mental health period and angel has relapsed into his alcoholism and substance abuse. (please be aware the breakup is intense but they will get back together bc mum and dad) so after angel gets into some car crash and totals his car marnie has to come and pick him up from the police station, the following is a recount of their breakup that we wrote last night bc we’re headasses. 

guilty. that was definitely a good way to sum up how he was feeling right now, nervously pacing around the holding cell of the station, absentmindedly fumbling with the rings on his fingers. drunk was another way to describe him too, but he was doing his best to mask that fact. it wasn’t too hard to tell though. his eyes were bloodshot and he already looked like a broken shell of himself. he let out a sigh of... relief? but also panic? as marnie walked in. he avoided eye contact until it seemed nearly impossible, a tired, half-assed smile upturning the corners of his lips. “hey.” he didn’t really feel like explaining himself, but he knew he wasn’t going to have much of a choice. not when it came to marnie. marnie didn't let shit slide, that's why she was good for angel, she called him out but she stayed by his side to help work on things. she wanted him to grow, she knew life was hard and healing wasn't easy  --he did the same to her. they helped each other.  it was a last minute rush to mia and chances house asking to mind xander just for an hour or two, she knew she could count on them for these last minute things especially at such a stupid hour but there wasn't a chance in hell she was bringing xander to the fucking police station this late at night to see his father in a state. she walked in with exhausted looking eyes, licking over her lips as she looked at him looking like a caged puppy who had done something wrong.   "hi," she responded in a near whisper looking to the cop as they unlocked the cell.  there was something sickening about seeing him behind bars,  "...okay...well...lets get you home i guess." angel hates being this person. especially in front of her. he couldn’t even imagine being anything like this in front of xander. in fact, the thought made him sick to his stomach. he’d done such a good job at separating his current self from the person he used to be in the past, but now, having to be led out of a jail cell, it felt an awful lot like stagnancy. he’d never really changed, had he? his head hangs low as he exits the cell, and he keeps his hands shoved in his pockets, not making a move to grab her hand or her waist. he didn’t want to touch her— to hurt her. because that’s all he ever did to people. it was almost laughable at this point. he’d been doing so well, and he’d went and fucked it all up in the blink of an eye. “im sorry.” he muttered under his breath. he was on such a good road, he had been doing so well and she had been so proud but the second something in their personal bubble seemed a little hard he freaked out. but that was what a relationship had to deal with, there would be hardships and he couldn't do this every single time, it wasn't about him getting 'fixed' it was about him healing and they were two very different things but until angel realised he didn't need 'fixing' he needed HEALING there wasn't going to be a change.  but weirdly enough the blank i'm sorry and lack of effort to physically or emotionally reach out to her was what got her.   "i know." every time something went wrong, he snapped right in two, and marnie had to be there to pick up the pieces and stick him back together. he’d voiced his concern before about her being a crutch for the rest of her life, and although she insisted that that wasn’t the case, it sure felt like it was. god, he felt so stupid right now. she deserved so much more than him— so much more than he could give her. she was way more mature than him most of the time. he couldn’t fathom why she insisted on staying with him. maybe he’d just played her right... played her like every other person he’d let into his life. he’d went and sucked the soul right out of her because he didn’t have one for himself. just the thought disgusted him. he didn’t want to be a shit person— not to her— but he didn’t know how to fix this. he brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, reaching to hold open the door for her, and gesturing for her to exit. he couldn’t even think of anything to say. he didn’t want to talk to her. he didn’t want to be around her. not like this. her eyes were glued to his hand as he opened the door, she was going to be there for him that wasn't even a question in her head, when she said yes to his proposal she has said yes to a lifetime with him. she'd said yes to the ups and the downs and weathering out the storm together. but she had just lost their baby not long before and she was going through it herself, this time she didn't have the strength or the energy. this time she needed him and he wasn't being her crutch. the silence between them was awkward, which was a bad sign because their silences were almost never awkward.  over the past week the mood of their house had dropped, which she had expected considering losing a child when you wanted them on this earth more than anything was the hardest thing to go through. what she didn't expect was losing angel too.   "how much have you had to drink?" she knew, it would've been stupid for angel to think marnie didn't know him like the back of her hand at this point. his features twitched in annoyance at her questioning, and he stayed silent for a moment, waiting for her to step out of the building so he could follow suit. “i don’t want to talk about it.” he finally retorted, his words a bit snappish in tone. if marnie knew him, she’d know he was bound to get hot headed right about now. it almost never failed. he just felt an overwhelming need to defend himself against... well, he didn’t really know what. he just felt the need to argue and make stabbing remarks at the first person he saw. hating on other people was better than hating himself. “—- let’s just get in the car and go back to the house, yea?” he’s growing impatient, as evidenced by the way he’s toying with the chain around his neck. he couldn’t even call it home at this point. that’s not what it felt like. all it did was make him feel anxious and small. wrong time to snap angel, that'd be the only advice anyone could give him. she was tired, she had to beg a friend to mind THEIR child while she picked up her grown ass  FIANCE from the police station, after going through what may have been one of the worst moments in her life.   "you don't wanna talk about it, okay," she scoffed turning on her heels.   "no we're not getting in to the car, answer my fucking question, how fucking drunk are you angelos?" her brooklyn accent always got thicker when she was angry, livid might be a better word.  "you're not going anywhere near xander when you're like this." he was an asshole. he knew it; now he just had to accept it. maybe it’d be better to be just that. it was his most authentic self. it was who he always jumped back into being the moment something got the slightest bit tough. that’s who he was. an asshole. a scoff escapes him as she uses his full name, his eyes involuntary rolling along with his words, “who the fuck cares?” he hisses out, “can’t stop me now. get the fuck over it.” maybe it would’ve been different had he actually reacted to his own words slipping past his lips— had their been any hesitance... but there was nothing. every last syllable escaped him easily, and his expression remained stoic. “i don’t want to be around him.” not like this, “—- fuck this. im calling a cab. whatever. see if i care!” she didn't believe it at all, she knew who angel was when he was comfortable and content what he needed to work on was his coping mechanisms. hurting people wasn't how you cope.  but marnie grew up on the wrong side of town, you just didn't fuck with her and her fire was as lit now as it was when she was younger. this was dangerous.  "roll your eyes at me one more time i'll slap your fucking face," she threatened before her nails started to dig into her palms, a habit angel had to know too well, he had mended the bleeding and pierced palms before.   "i fucking care you absolute moron," she hissed in return .  god she was angry, she didn't have the chance to even be hurt by his words because every ounce of pain she had been feeling over the last week was being lashed out on angel.   this bitter, disgusting laugh coming from her lips at his words.  "you don't wanna be around your son," she said slowly, but her words were full of venom.   she was vicious at this point, you could see her seething.  "you call a fucking cab and you don't take it to the house." angel had grown up having everything he could ever possibly want handed to him on a silver platter. that didn’t mean he didn’t know how to be cruel though. it made him an expert. you didn’t make it in high society if you couldn’t fight back. searing comments were all he’d ever known. he’d only ever received backhanded compliments from his parents. lashing out like this felt mundane. he met her gaze, holding it for a moment to make sure that she was paying attention to him before he gave another roll of his eyes. she could slap him. it wouldn’t be the worst thing he’s felt today. he already had a huge bruise on his cheekbone from smacking his head against the window as his car crashed. he almost has to laugh at her demand, a cocky, shit-eating grin taking over his features as he looked down at her, taking full advantage of his tall stature to loom over her menacingly. “i’ll do whatever the fuck i want to.” he begins, “that’s my house. i bought it. and your fucking lambo? that’s my car. you...” he begins, gesturing towards her. “... you don’t get to tell me anything.” and that was the first time he’d ever alluded to being above her in any way. he’d never wanted to dehumanize her before, but he was just shooting for the lowest possible blows now. she wasn't sneaky, marnie had never been conniving or backstabbing, she was just straight up and straight forward to your face. if it came across rude, that's your problem. but marnie wasn't nice, that was just fact. but angel knew she kept her word, she wasn't empty that was one thing that was both good and bad. and almost as if on queue at his eye roll she brought her hand back and swung it right across his face. she was tiny but boy did the girl have a strong hand.  he was scary, he was tall and broad but marnie had dealt with worse men.  "okay take the fucking house, take the fucking car...your money and your purchases don't mean shit to me angel," she retorted.   now she was starting to feel hurt, he was acting in a way he'd never done before and suddenly she hated who was in front of her. this wasn't angel, this wasn't the man she was going to marry and she refused to believe it. a low hiss of pain escaped through gritted teeth as her hand made contact with his skin. he brings his own hand up to his cheek, unable to stop himself from wincing as his fingertips met the tender spot on his face. he was still human, after all. no matter how much of a god complex he could have. he was human. and he hated it. he hated being vulnerable like that. his arm falls back down to his side, and his hands are balling into fists as he stares her down. “take your fucking kid and all your shit and get the fuck out of my house then.” almost as soon as the words left his lips, he regretted them, but he wasn’t letting that on. his glare remained icy. “ask me if i fucking care.” he pauses, shaking his head slightly. “—- i don’t.” she flinched at those words 'your fucking kid' and her gaze upon him lost any and all love in that split moment. he was her soulmate, she was still sure of it, but those words made her cold and suddenly she was the marnie she was to absolutely every man that had ever hurt.  and she simply stared at him, there was literal disgust in her eyes.   she dangled the keys and dropped them at his feet,  "there's the keys to your fucking kid" she said harshly,  "drive yourself home...maybe you'll crash again and finally feel something in that cold fucking heart of yours." that hurt. he couldn’t deny it. all he’d ever wanted was to be a good father, but he couldn’t do this when he was so susceptible to breaking like this. to his drunk mind, the logic made sense: leave marnie, leave xander, hurt her so she’d never come back... it would just be less pain in the long road. and he’d get to happily waste his life away on drugs and parties and hookups and not have to worry about hurting anyone. that would just be his brand. “fuck you.” he shot back, bending down to pick up the keys from the floor, squeezing them in his hand with an iron grip. “you’re so fucking stupid.” he growls, pointing a finger at her. “im drunk, and im still smarter than you. good fucking luck taking care of your kid.” he lets out a bitter laugh, refusing to call xander by his name or even refer to him as his son. that would hurt him too much. he’s not trying to be hurt. now she was deathly scared, she didn't know how to be a mother by herself. she didn't know how to do this when every time she looked down at xander she was looking at angel. if he thought pushing her out of his life was good for her he was fucked in the head because now she had a constant reminder of everything he tore away from her. a partner, a best friend, a father to their child....home.  "i'm stupid?" she retorted, that might have been his lowest blow yet, that was something she was so desperately insecure about and really angel was one of the only ones that had ever made her feel a little more comfortable about it.  but crying wasn't something she could do right now, he didn't deserve her tears.  "you're the one who pushes the good things out of his life only to blame everyone else for leaving," she said stepping into him,  "you're the one that isn't smart enough to stay sober," if he wanted low blows, marnie could throw low blows.  "you're the one thats losing something here...i'm the best fucking thing that has happened to you," she gets closer,  "i'm the best fucking thing you'll ever have....and you're dumb enough to lose me," if he knew her, which he did, the look in her eyes wasn't hatred it was pain. it was the angry pain she held when she knew she was going to cry because hated crying.  "and i'm smart enough to walk away." his eyes lacked any and all emotion; his features were hard as stone. the worst part was that he couldn’t even deny it. she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. she was the best thing that ever would happen to him. he knew, looking down at her now, that he would never find anyone that could replace her. never. but he couldn’t be with her. because she was right. he wasn’t smart enough to stay sober, and he couldn’t risk being this version of himself around xander or around her anymore. “—- then go.” he states firmly, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder to push her away from him. he still couldn’t touch her with anything less than softness, though his eyes read something completely different. “we are fucking done.” she hated how he was standing there lacking anything and yet she still couldn't hate him.  she was sure she'd never be able to hate him, she could act cold, fuck, she could feel cold towards him in that moment but unlike everyone else that has come and gone she couldn't hate him. he was, would always be, her person.  it might have been gentle but it was the meaning behind it. her own touch to smack his hand away harsh.  "don't fucking touch me, you piece of shit," she hissed.  "you don't get to ever fucking touch me."  but fuck he had a hold on her.  "yeah, we are, and i hope when you wake up in the morning you realise what the fuck you've done," she said backing away from him but then as it hit her she couldn't control the single tear that escaped. marnie instantly wiping it away, pulling out her phone to order an uber. oh and there he was with xander as her screen background, she closed her eyes and stood still for a moment.  but she wasn't going to talk him through this time, beg him to see her side, she just ran her fingers through her hair and actually walked away down the street. @ofangelos

[worldsbestdoc-archives-blog]

“Now, is there really a need for all that screaming?”  But reversed bc im thirsty

Serial Killer Starters–Accepting!

In a series of events which included stalking, a small syringe, and the plastic-lined trunk of her car, Angela captured the young woman who had earned a jury’s sympathy and walked away from a murder trial with little more than a slap on the wrist. She drove the thirty minutes to the other side of town, where a dilapidated hospital stood, an eyesore on the decaying outskirts of the city. The routine following this was familiar. She backed into the hospital itself through a yawning breach in the wall and cut the engine as soon as possible. An antique gurney waited nearby, onto which she heaved Lena Oxton’s unconscious body. Through the dusty halls she wheeled her newest patient until she reached the operating theater. The room’s usefulness as a sterile space had long passed, but its glory days were not over. Purposefully contoured foam pads blanketed the interior, creating an unsettling hush. 

Four cameras bore silent witness as Angela transferred the murderer to a modified operating table. She worked quickly now before Oxton woke. Across her thighs she fastened a restraint strap, then three thinner ones around her calves, abdomen, and chest. Wrist and ankle straps secured her extremities with little room for movement. The final touch was a Trendelenburg restraint, cradling her shoulders and preventing much squirming at all. Once finished Angela stepped back to regard her handiwork with a satisfied grin. Yes, Lena Oxton may have escaped the sentence she deserved, but she wouldn’t be escaping now.

All that was left to do was wait. Angela retreated to the fringes of the room, where she began her own preparation ritual. Upon a rusted equipment table sat a collection of safety equipment she would wear in the event of an actual surgery. In the name of covering her tracks she should really suit up entirely–gown, mask, goggles, hairnet, shoecovers, and gloves. But part of the thrill was knowing that even with these small acts of carelessness she was several steps ahead of the law. If they couldn’t even manage to convict the guilty youth across the theater, she knew she would walk if they ever did catch her.

To this end, Angela wore only a surgical gown and nitrile gloves when Oxton finally came to. Ear-splitting shrieks of terror marked the killer’s transition into the waking world. Rolling her eyes, Angela meandered into Oxton’s limited field of view, pushing a table with a surgical tray ahead of her. She was almost giddy, wondering whether the little felon would recognize her as the medical examiner who testified to her victim’s cause of death.

“Now, is there really a need for all that screaming?”

She flashed her prey a brilliant smile, all bright blue eyes and predatory white teeth. “I know it can be cathartic. Do it if you must, if it makes you feel better. But no one can hear you. It’s just you and me, here.”

[adoringjensen]

lately whenever i think about supernatural or other stuff i like i dont normally get idk excited like i normally would. like im even thinking about the day i met misha and for some reason i dont get happy. its not bc im ungrateful bc really im glad i got the chance to meet him but idk. and like whenever i think about one of my fave fictional characters (fred weasley for example) i dont get happy and the urge to enthuse abt him like i normally would. why is this happening to me?

Hey there, anon :)

I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through this right now. It’s a very frustrating thing, and I can completely empathize with you on this. This is actually a very common symptom of depression. Losing interest in hobbies, things that used to make you happy don’t seem to mean anything to you anymore, and a general lack of interest or caring in,,, well, anything. It’s confusing to try and understand it at first, but that’s kinda just how depression is. The symptoms are just there and it’s practically impossible to put the feelings into words. It’s like you’re just kind of existing and nothing around you offers the same comfort or stimulation it used to. Sometimes those happier feelings come back. And honestly? Sometimes they don’t. And it’s okay to mourn something that was a big part of your life that isn’t anymore, because it feels different now. 

I will share something with you, anon. Because this is a difficult and confusing thing to go through, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in this. I used to be really, really, really into music. I was a clarinetist so serious about my love of music that I was an aspiring performance major. I wanted to turn my passion into my career. Music was practically my sole hobby, all I would do, all I would really have time for, was practice, go to rehearsals, go to lessons, go to auditions, perform, and practice some more. It made me happy to perform on stage, to study under world-class musicians, and to learn difficult pieces of music. It was incredibly stressful, but at my core, it was what I loved and I knew it made me happy. So when it came time to go to college, I was excited to finally be able to focus only on this. Only on what I loved. No more bullshit high school classes I didn’t care about. I would be able to play with other musicians that shared the same love and passion for playing as I did. I was super excited about college, bc I was convinced this was where I’d really thrive.

Unfortunately, that didn’t turn out to be true. I ended my senior year of high school in a very bad place, and while I thought moving to college would be a step forward for me, it actually made everything a million times worse. I won’t get into all the details, but long story short: I don’t practice music like I used to. It no longer gives me the same feelings it did before. I feel a lot of pressure and expectation put on me and it’s just,,, really not the same. And I don’t think it ever will be. Ever since moving back home, I’ve barely picked up an instrument. And it’s been an entire grieving process to accept that I’m not going to be what I always thought I would be. It still makes me really sad to think about sometimes. But I still hold out the hope that someday, I’ll get back into it in a less intense way. I’ll play only for fun here and there when I want to. But right now? I’m actually focused in the direction of graphic design. I’ve managed to find something else that now gives me some sense of purpose. And I really didn’t think I would be able to find that again.

My point is, anon, that while we may lose things that were especially meaningful to us, or drift away from things that used to make us happy or excited, that doesn’t mean we don’t have the ability to find something else like that again. I never ever, in a million years would’ve thought this is the direction I would be going in. I was set firm in the music path. But here I am. And it’s actually very common to go through a lot of changes at this stage in life. Sometimes that’s comforting to hear, sometimes not so much. But know it’s okay. You’re not alone. This experience may be terrifying as all hell, but you know what? This gives you an advantage over everybody else. Maybe you go through a bunch of different hobbies trying to find the one for you that gives you that feeling. And because of that, you’ll have done so much more than anyone else around you. You’ll have more experience to learn what you like and what you don’t. And the most important thing: you’ll learn a lot more about yourself. You’ll get to know yourself a lot better, stay in tune with your emotions and learn what helps you cope, what makes you anxious, what makes you hurt, what makes you smile. 

The best thing you can do right now is to take care of you. And do whatever it is that you need. Always have somebody to talk to. Even if you don’t like opening up, please just have someone around that you know will listen. Somebody you’re comfortable with. Whether that be a therapist, a friend, a parent, whoever. Having someone like that is really fucking important. It helps so much more than you think right now. And if you need to, see a doctor. See a psychiatrist. The right balance of medication can really help to stabilize you and put you in the right direction. Be willing to try different things, because you never know what could be helpful to you at this time in your life. Something that may not have been helpful in the past could actually be helpful now. And if you find out that something isn’t for you? That’s okay. Take a breath and move on to the next thing when you’re ready. Because there are things out there that are helpful. There are things out there that will make you happy again. It’s okay to change. You just have to find out what’s right for you. It can be a long, difficult process to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. But I’m telling you it’s possible. 

And there’s always ups and downs. I feel what you’re saying anon, I feel it so fucking deep in my chest. When I think of the times I’ve met Jared, Jensen, and Misha,,, it actually tends to give me a lot of anxiety and I have to stop thinking about it before I get myself too worked up. I won’t get those happy feelings or get all excited about it like I’ve heard so many other people do. And that right there just depresses me further. So anon, I’m with ya. 100%. I feel what you’re saying. And it really does feel like “why is this happening to me” bc you literally did nothing? It’s not your fault you’re feeling like this. None of this is your fault. You’re feeling the way you are, and that’s okay. It’s okay not to get happy about things you think you “should” be. I think accepting and knowing that this is a part of something you can’t control will make things smoother for you. Getting frustrated at yourself only ever causes things to spiral.

So anon, I hope I didn’t make you feel any worse or anything lmao. I just want you to know that this is a very real thing and that it is manageable. The more you know about it, the more you know about yourself, the more people you have in your support system, the better things are going to go for you. Again, I need to say how fucking important it is to have someone to talk to. Someone you’re comfortable with and know will listen and make you feel safe. It’s something that has done a hell of a lot for me when I didn’t think it would. So take care of yourself. Celebrate the little things. Turn little tasks into achievements. You took a shower today? Hell yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Look at you go, you did that!! You’re doing amazing! Maybe it sounds silly right now, but we need these little things to keep us going. Just focus on one day at a time. 

It’s a huge thing to recognize this, anon. You’re already a step ahead. If you ever need to talk about anything, to just write it down and get it out there? I’m right here. If you have questions or anything, I’m right here. I’ll be that person for you if you need me to be. Things are going to be okay. Get yourself some ice cream or something, alright? Treat yourself, because you deserve that shit. I’ll be thinking about you :) Lots of love xx

[bootisimo]

ok so i dont care if im spamming my personal shit bc this is fucking tumblr & i need to just talk abt things

so im going to talk abt my best friend audrey. i havent had a best friend since around 7th grade (I’m a graduating senior this year) & my overall friend group has been really unstable & changes a lot, so I didn’t realize it at the time, but I haven’t made any deep connections in high school and it’s kinda sucked. Pair that up with me being super insecure because everybody talked about me behind my back in middle school and literally nobody outside of my group of 5 friends could stand to be near me (which I only learned around 2 months ago & it’s fucked me up so much, especiallyl because i was so oblivious & for all i know the same thing could still be happening), so I’ve felt very isolated and alone without realizing it for basically all of my scary developmental years. & then this new girl comes to school, and I meet her a the beginning of senior year! & she’s so wonderful and we click so well and after knowing each other for barely any time i felt so close to her and I was essentially drunk off of finally being close to someone again and she was all i ever thought abt bc i loved spending time with her so much! ((that sounds weird and obsessive but i promise im exaggerating i just kinda accidentally started idolizing her and absorbing her mannerisms bc thats what i always do)) & following my stupid fucked up pattern for people im clsoe to, i was all over her for a few months then i started doing that isolating thing and i convinced myself that her & the rest of my friends barely tolerate me (it didn’t help that this is senior year & shit actually did happen w two of my other close friends so my friend group is shrinking rapidlyl and i dont want to put effort into roping it back together), so I became really unhappy without realizing it bc i repress everything and i literally have so much trouble processing and actually feeling what’s going on around me . thats where my problems with derealization come from, because it crosses the line into literally not being able to say if im awake or in a dream, or if i exist or not, so how the fuck would i be able to know if i was happy or unhappy? im realizing tonight that ive been actually, truly depressed for an indeterminant amount of time, and that really scares me with the whole bipolar issue bc ive figured out that i cant live life without control. i need independence and control over my entire sense of self or i can’t cope, and its super unhealthy but its the only way i know how. and if im bipolar like im starting to believe i might be and like my therapist thinks is a definite possibility, then kind of by definition that means that i don’t have control, over my actions or my moods or my life, especially if it’s bad enought that i need medication. and judging by just how bad things have been recently, right when i start being able to feel my emotions without automatically shutting them down (so I’m feeling them to the full extent that i shielded myself from, in other words), i don’t think i can succeed, or even survive, on my own if this is what my daily life becomes. I’m losing my control right before I’m really going to need it, right before i turn 18 and go to college and actually need to take care of myself, and I’m so anxious about it that I constantly feel like I’m going to vomit, and like there’s a dumbbell sitting both on my chest and at the bottom of my stomach. when I repressed everything, i was always relaxed. i literally could not make myself stress or feel bad about anything, which is super unhealthy, but now it’s like i can’t make myself not be stressed, and i can’t reverse it!! I’ll try to feel like I used to because not feeling is so so so much easier than feeling, but it’s like I’ve forgotten how!! 

anyway part of the reason my relationship with audrey is so good and so bad is bc it’s super hard for me to actually talk to her, because I always struggle with guilt because of how easy my life is compared to my friends. feeling like i have things better than anyone makes me feel so guilty that i want to die, which is probably a part of the depressive episodes, so I’ll go through periods where I’ll talked to audrey but i literally wont’ say anything to her bc i feel so guilty about how much she has to deal with, and then it’s like we aren’t even friends anymore and its 100% my fault because I consciously pull away and just think about dying for a week or two and convince myself that i dont need or deserve any friends or anyone to talk about the issues im having with. when i actually do share things with audrey, i lover her even more, because she never makes me feel guilty for having things she doesnt, and she always reminds me to that im trying to be conscious of the differences in our lives, and she always makes me feel so good about myself because that’s the kind of person she is. she’s been through so much more than most people, and I don’t even know a lot of the details about her life. its amazing though not just because she went through it--it always pisses me off as a trans person when people tell me i’m “brave” just for living and transitioning, and i know she would feel the same if i thought she was amazing just bc she’s survived so much. but she’s amazing for how she deals with it, mostly. you can tell she has a lot of problems coping but she still always makes an effort to make people feel included, and to better herself, and to be fucking kind. I’m always so amazed by how kind she is and how little she deserves all the shit that life throws at her, and I dont say that to her bc it’s always uncomfortable when people tell you that, but I’m really starstruck by her. i very often just start thinking about what a genuinely caring, selfless person she is--not like me, who does everything because of the reaction that I anticipate from other people. when she’s kind, you can just tell that it’s because she wants to be kind and doesnt care about the consequences. she is a good person far deeper down than I am and its amazing to see that at work. I’ve actually been standing up for my beliefs and saying something when I think someone’s in the wrong just because I’ve been around her and I’ve seen her do that 

but the worst thing is that we met so close to the end of graduation. we just found out we’re all staying in the area next year but with my habit of suddenly dropping people for no reason, I can’t guarantee we’ll stay close, and that makes me so so sad because I genuinely think the more time I spend with audrey, the better a person I become. it’s hard to balance because I also make all my bad decisions with audrey because we fuel each other because w’ere so similar, so that makes it hard to. (haha we’re both geminis after all, and i dont believe in astrology but the idea that two geminis always have short, intense bursts of relationships, so they’re hard to make last, seems super accurate for us, and I’m afraid that tha’ts whats going to happen) 

anyway I’m just typing a lot because dear audrey gave me an adderall to take so i could last the night & not die, and it’s more than I normally take, so my focus on this post is so intense, and adderall makes you rambly anyway. it’s good to take a lot every once and a while though because just thinking things through in this focused, controlled but optimistic and basically unbiased outlook that adderall gives you can be super helpful--typing this out has actually been pretty similar to my therapy sessions, except nobody has to ask me questions and prod at what I say to interpret my thoughts. damn i hope i can get a prescription because i feel like this is exactly how people who can actually ge their work done and not drift off constantly feel like, and I feel like now that I know how adderall feels and how homework is actually feasible when I take even a small dose, like half of a 30mg pill, I can’t expect myself to keep fumbling through my academic life once it costs 20k per year, and when I’m not on adderall, I’m always, always fumbling and confused, no matter what I’m doing. I feel like I’m just realizing how much I need it, and the people around me aren’t as surprised because they’ve always seen it, because it’s literally always been there, but they just assumed I was disorganized and spacey, and when I say “I think I have ADHD,” theyre’re jsut like “oh, I never thought of that but now that you’ve said it I absolutely believe that, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” It’s inhibited me enough in my life, especially in school, that in my freshman year all of my teachers called my parents in and told them to test me & my sister for ADHD, and the only reason it never happened is because there was a miscommunication and my mom thought the school had screend us for free, when me & emma have never ever seen a doctor about it 

things are jsut bad rn bc it’s like i stand on both edges of a really small planet. on one side is the adhd stuff, and the realization that if I get treatment, life could be a lot more possible for me than I ever knew it was possible to me. on the other side is the emotions that I’m not able to repress anymore (maybe it’s the bipolar vs the adhd, maybe not--again, not diagnosed, and definitely not self diagnosing). these emotins that I’m actually starting to be able to process are a lot worse than I ever realized they were, and it’s promising the opposite of the adhd side--that things could get much worse than I ever knew they could get, and that they’re already headed that way. 

sorry for making you all scroll past this thing, but it’s been really helpfulto be able to sort my thoughts out like this. I definitely feel like i just prepared myself to make progress in my therapy session on friday, at the very least. maybe things can actually be ok after all

[rangerhanna-56-blog]

You're upset bc you got called out on saying something stupid like just man up and say ok I'm wrong I won't do it again sorry like that's all you have to do.... it really is that simple ????

Okay but have you seen my other posts where I said "I'm wrong I get it" "I get it I fucked up"Like I literally acknowledged I fucked up and people still felt the need to send a 17 year old death threats because literally you can't fucking disagree with anyone on this shit website without people attacking you. Like I'm literally being told to kill myself over a sarcastic comment I made and it literally drove me into having a psychotic episode because I literally have multiple psychological problems and I ended up carving awful fucking shit into my body with an actual knife. Like do people on here actually realize when they attack someone, that person might not actually be able to handle being threatened because of something literally so fucking small. I literally went to this person and tried to explain myself and yeah I did it in a petty way and they posted it for literally all their followers to see, but then as soon as I started getting anon hate they were like "but those aren't MY followers". Like how do you ACTUALLY know none of those people aren't your followers tho??? Like do you really think that ur followers are gonna step forward and say "yeah lol I was one of those ppl threatening that girl and saying that her and her family deserve to be killed" legit all because I compared TRUMP to fucking HITLER. Like bitch now that I've had my mental breakdown and I've calmed down a bit I can actually advocate for myself and say I'm allowed to have a differing fucking opinion than someone else and I shouldn't be fucking harassed for it. And idk wtf the whole "white liberalism" thing is when like I've done nothing to show I only care about the white race. Like yeah I'm white but that's literally just it??? Like sorry that I think that history is repeating itself bc THE SIGNS ARE ALL THERE and I have countless people agreeing with me WHO HAVE STUDIED THIS SHIT, that Trump is going to turn this country into something absolutely fucked up (he's literally having neo-nazis work for him like idk how else to fucking make this comparison any clearer???). Like are you just upset bc I compared him to hitler bc that's literally what everyone has been doing and it's annoying or are you literally trying to tell me that there are no similarities between them and that I shouldn't be worried as much as you all should be??? Like as long as you're not a Straight White CIS Christian Male, you're fucked. People are being fucking murdered because of this dude. What I'm trying to say if yeah I'm admitting I fucked up and I literally HAVE BEEN but none of you people people listen so I literally went into full panic mode and caused physical fucking harm to my body that probably requires a doctor to look at (let's be honest im not going to a fucking doctor because if they ask me why all this happened and I tell them it was tumblr discourse, they either won't understand or I'll get the biggest eye roll ever). I literally hope everyone is satisfied with themselves here. Are you happy that you got the "clueless white girl" to finally hurt herself because I hope you are. And the whole thing about me "using my mental illness to manipulate people and make them feel bad for me" is so much bullshit. Yes I had someone take a screenshot btw because I wanted to see how things were playing out. All because you got through this type of shit without support doesn't mean you're a better human being??? This was talked about as if people knew exactly what I suffer from and that it was just me using mild depression or something to excuse the dumb shit I do. And if you haven't fucking noticed yet, I literally just admitted right there that some of the shit I do is in fact dumb.If you want to get into this with me and you really want an explanation I can give it to you because that really isn't half the case. My family literally is full of people who have psychological problems (some of which I don't even know the names of). Just recently my grandfather (a retired police officer) was found hiding in his bedroom from my grandmother with a loaded fucking gun while whispering to it and he was later diagnosed with stage 3 Alzheimer's and he's convinced my grandmother is a member of the Italian mafia sent to assassinate him. I'm not telling you family stories for nothing and I'm sure you guys are gonna have a good laugh about this too because no matter what I say to explain myself I still get treated like shit. Im not even sure if I'm allowed to say this, but if even a team of Harvard Medical Graduates; professionals that people from all around the world seek for help from; can't pinpoint what psychological problems I have, then I shouldn't be given that "trying to manipulate people" shit. A fucking adult said this. If you have any experience with being mentally ill like you say you do, then you know just how fucking difficult it is to properly function and be able to say the right things and advocate for yourself. Do you know how fucking hard it is to fall asleep at night and wake up in the morning knowing that you'll probably have to rely on a caretaker for the rest of your fucking life because you can't make choices for yourself and will need to be under constant supervision so you don't fucking hang yourself one day?? I don't fucking enjoy being a literal walking disease, but thanks for implying that I would ever use it as a fucking tool to get what I want when I want it, you ignorant fuck. You didn't possibly think after screenshotting my mental breakdown that "Hey, someone probably has to have some type of chemical imbalance to type all of this out" before posting it and using it as a prop to get on some fucking high horse. I'm not some mildly depressed idiot fucking white girl who has no clue what happens outside of the cushy walls of my fucking house. I know how fucking horrible and disgusting the human race can be to each other which is part of the reason why I'm like this.I get it! You're so much more fucking smarter than me!!! I'm a stereotypical white western liberal! You caught me red handed! I literally hope that every single one of you have gotten your superiority fix for the day because I've literally had to move blogs because of this. I actually came back to this blog to clean up my mess of posts which is what I do after my episodes, and I happened to notice that one of the anons I had was surprisingly not abuse, but still something bitchy anyway. If you want anything positive to come from me answering this, then I'm just gonna say Thank You for not being like one of the other people who wished death upon me. If you guys still aren't satisfied with this, then I don't fucking know what else to say?? I've explained myself and admitted over and over that I was wrong, but nobody was satisfied until I freaked the fuck out and they got a good laugh out of causing a stupid white girl distress. I'm humiliated now and have pretty much become a laughing stock so yeah. There it is.

[deafeningcreationperson-blog]

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18 year old son has just passed his test. Looked at a Fiat siacento(I know thats wrong but you know what car I mean)1999/1100cc/65000miles/good nick/500,I thought bargain. Until I checked the insurance.... 3000!!! Before I start ranting about the cost of insuring a young lad(and the cost of my own insurance) can anyone tell me a cheap car that is also cheap to insure. Thanks.""

Advice on teen car insurance ?

I'm 18, from Ontario and have had my G2 for over a year now. I was in a deathly car accident in january on the highway because of really bad weather conditions, I'm lucky to be okay. The cop didn't charge me because the weather was so bad and there were a number of car accidents that week. However the insurance company faulted me because I spun out first. Its been 2 months and my dad has done nothing but complain about his car being wrecked. He blames me 100% for the accident even though I hit black ice and there was nothing I could do, and he wasn't even there... For my 18th birthday my grandad (his dad) is giving me $10,000 for a car. My dad is making him wait to give it to me and he won't take me car shopping ! And when I do get one he's not putting me under his insurance ! I have to insure my own car at 18 with only a part time job. Is this unfair? Not being able to drive has been a huge hassel. What are the cheapest cars to insure ? I can drive standard so there's no limitations. What's the best insurance companies ? How much do you think it would be ? Also I'm going to college in Florida next year on an athletic scholarship so what is insurance like down there ?""

How much does a chest X-Ray cost with no health insurance?

i've been experiencing pain in my chest, and i think i need a chest X-Ray. the only problem is, my insurance papers haven't gone through yet, and they won't for about a ...show more""

affordable health insurance phoenix

affordable health insurance phoenix

How much is the insurance for a ford mustang?

for a teen girl driver thats 15 with a permit

Do you need to show proof of insurance for title transfer?

When you buy a used car and go to DMV to transfer title, do you need to provide proof of insurance? Or is that only for registration renewals. This is for California""

How much would insurance be?

About how much would auto insurance cost for a 16 year old female for a $25,000 dollar Dodge Charger?""

Is car insurance cheaper in the 78212 zip code than it is in the 92692 zip code?

Is car insurance cheaper in the 78212 zip code than it is in the 92692 zip code?

Is insurance lower on an rx8 or 350z?

and how much of a difference is there on average? im 23, got a few speeding tickets, thats about it""

What good is affordable health care when more...?

people are out of work then there are people without health insurance?

""Is it cheaper to buy a BMW and/ Mercedes in Europe taking into account all costs including shipping, insurance""

Is it cheaper to buy a BMW and/ Mercedes in Europe taking into account all costs including shipping, insurance""

How much would US insurance cost?

I am driving across america with a friend in a 1975 Camaro so I need us car insurance. I am 18 (Full UK licence) and have had no claims. However I only need insurance for 3 months.

What is usps $100 insurance included mean? Do i have to pay for it?

i order something from a third party amazon seller and today when i track my order it said: Features: $100 insurance included...what does this mean? do i have to pay extra?

""How much would it be if got allstate insurance for a new 2009 nissan altima. im 20yrs old, live with my parets?

my parents have allstate. this is my first car under my name.

About how much do you think my car insurance will cost?

my parents just switched to liberty mutual, I have a car, a blue 99 manual chevy cavalier and I'm 18. I'm trying to figure out how much money from my job I need to save up before I get my license, because I have to pay my own insurance and I've had my permit for a year and a half because I couldn't find a job until last month. I just want a guesstimate please!""

""What's the cost of insurance on Porsche's, BMW's Ferrari's, etc?""

What's the cost of insurance on Porsche's, BMW's Ferrari's, etc?""

How much will it cost to insure a Subaru Impreza WRX?

It'd of course be under my parents insurance, which is either Travco, or Liberty Mutual. Not sure which one it is, I'm 17 got my license at 16 and a half. I live in Eastern PA near Allentown. The car year will be 2004-2008 and will have a value ~10k. I also have a 3.6 GPA, and I heard there is some good student discount. Thank you""

Car insurance cost for 17 year old?

Im 17 and ill be needing to pay for car insurence the car and th insurance compnay is in my parents name righ tnow they pay 150. my parents are putting me on the insurance policy and they are making me pay whatever is above 150, how much will i be paying. I live in virginia if that helps""

""Ok Insurance battle, old and new insurances?""

I had High Mark blue cross blue shield with my mom and i got married to my husband and got tricare. Tricare is saying they wont pay anything when i had another Insurance. If my old insurance wont pay does tricare have too? My old insurance is now gone, also""

How much do you pay for home insurance?

So we are paying like $132 for car insurance on two vehicles with American Family Insurance and we both have clean records although we are young 22 (f) and 24 (m). We just got a quote from Wawanesa they said we could do full coverage through them for half the price 80 a month! Although they don't do home insurance and I know you can save a lot by combining the two. So now through AFI we pay about $40 a month for home insurance is that a good price with the combined home and auto?? How much do you think it will go up if we cancel the car insurance and go with wawanesa?? Is there cheaper insurance agencies that will cover only home? In the end I am just looking for how much you pay and if you combine your auto with the same company. Thanks!!

Is it illegal to drive without car insurance?

Hi, i was just wondering if it is illegal to drive without car insurance in Ontario, Canada.""

Auto insurance?

what is the best auto insurance out there and why

Car accident will his insurance pay for the rental?

I got hit by a Semi the police came we exchanged insurance info I got estimates faxed them to his insur and they paid me but now the Body shop guy say's its gonna be a week to fix ...show more

Suspended liscense and car insurance?

So in two more months my license suspension will be over from a dui. First of all the type of dui that I got from what I've been told isn't as bad as the real one seeing as I got a dui for blowing a 0.3 but being under 21 makes it illegal at any alcohol level. My dui is considered and infraction so no criminal record but still not sure if this goes in my driving record. When I get my license back and look for car insurance will I have to pay extra for insurance for having a dui infraction?

How much is your car insurance?

around how much would it be for a teen lets say?

If I live with my mother and my father is buying me a car will his insurance cover me?

My parents are divorced and my mother has custody of me. My mom's boyfriend bought my older brother's car. So my dad said he'll buy mine. Will his insurance cover me since I live with my mother? Or will I have to pay the insurance to my dad and pay insurance to my mom since I live with her? So basically I would be paying them both for insurance according to my mother. The car will be in my dad's name.

Does anyone know about 'Gap Insurance' to cover the cost between ?

the amount owed on an almost new car and the amount the insurance company is willing to settle for (book value).

What if insurance wants to change my sons counselor?

He has been seen by an out of network provider for over 6 years and approved...now at the age of 13 they want to force me to get a in network provider. My son has flourished with this counselor and trusts him...why should he have to change? Haven't the insurance company set a presidence? Any good web sights I can look this up on? Any help would be appreciated...I plan on fighting this.

How's health insurance in london?pls help?

i was diagnosed with some major illness in the US and have no insurance cant afford paying for it.i heard the health insurance is free in london, is it possible to move there for recovery? if so how long would it take me to get accepted as immigrant and fully recovered?""

affordable health insurance phoenix

affordable health insurance phoenix

Car insurance n registration?

i had just bought a used car n i was wonderin to get the car registered do u need the insurance first or is the other way around??? help i dont want to go into the dmv not knowin

Does anyone know if State Auto Insurance Agency is a good insurance?

I am looking for auto/home owners insurance was quoted a great premium with State Auto, but wasn't sure how good of insurance they are.""

How much would insurance be for an 18 year old with a Ninja 600?

I am looking to get a Ninja 600 and wondering how much insurance on it would be, I have years of dirt biking experience and have taken a cycle safety course. I have had a Suzuki 650S until i had an accident (was night riding in the country hit thick patch of gravel and downed the bike sending it into a ditch) which is considered an at-fault accident. Other than that i have never been pulled over/ gotten a ticket. Approx how much would insurance be monthly for me to insure a Ninja 600?""

Will police know if your car insurance policy has been cancelled?

Paying my car insurance is my number one priority but after being unemployed for 2 months and finally starting a job, I can't pay my next bill. I called my insurance company and got a 15 day extension but I start my new job on Monday so I might not be able to pay the bill. If my proof of Insurance says it ends in August and I missed July's payment and the insurance is cancelled, can a police officer find out? Again, I am not asking because I want to skip out on my insurance. I have run out of funds and I am starting a new job on Monday. Also, if it matters, I live in Michigan.""

How do I get insurance for a car with that on the title?

How do I get insurance for a car with that on the title?

How high will my insurance be?

im 17 and want a 77 camaro, will insurance be high, can i have an estimate?""

Can someone use a P.O. Box when applying for auto insurance?

Can someone use a P.O. Box when applying for auto insurance? I live in New Orleans, and the insurance for new and used vehicles is REALLY expensive. I have a clean record, and am applying for insurance on a non sporty vehicle (Honda Accord or Civic sedan). I was wondering if I can get a P.O. Box in another Parish (County) where the insurance is significantly cheaper. This way I can apply with that address rather than my residential. Thanks for your help!""

Cheapest Car Insurance - Canada?

Need a cheap car insurance... Don't spout off answers if you have no idea... I've researched: TD, RBC, CAA, AllState and Statefarm Living in Ontario!""

A question about car insurance?

I currently live in Minnesota, where the price for my auto insurance is around $910/6 months for the most basic insurance required by law, which is 30/60/10. In August, I am moving to North Dakota. I wanted to change my insurance to my North Dakota address, since their requirements are 25/50/25, and will cost me only half of what I am paying now. So my question is, do I have to change anything? Do I have to change my legal home address to North Dakota and get a North Dakota address, or can I keep my Minnesota address and license? I'll honestly do anything it takes, since I will be living in ND for four years and will probably end up making that my legal home eventually anyways, I just need to know if there is anything I need to do immediately so my car insurance is legal.""

Proof of insurance issue (Houston)?

I received a ticket while visiting in Houston for not having a valid TX license and for a traffic violation. The ticket costs over $300, but I would like to take a driving class to lower the cost and avoid a points penalty. I was driving my friend's car when I got pulled over. She has insurance for her car and she was with me, but since I was driving, I got the ticket. I am currently not an any insurance policy and I need to send in the defensive driving course request with proof of insurance. Is it okay to send the insurance of her car? Please help. PS. I already took care of the license part. Thank you.""

Insurances for starting a small business?

What are all the difference insurances for starting up a business? Please include a source or proof of your numbers

What would insurance be for me with this car?

2004 nissan sentra se-r, silver, 4 door, manual transmission. I'm 17 years old and would drive the car to work and school about 5 days a week. I have never gotten a ticket or been in an accident.""

Car insurance first time owner?

Hi, I'm an international student with USA drivings license in Fl. I'm covered by my boyfriends car insurance company in order to drive his car but that's everything what I have as insurance. I'm on my way on buying a new car and I don't know what to do. Because I have my driving's license for an less than year the rates are pretty high. Almost 500$ for a month. Does anybody know any cheap insurance company that will help me to overcome this obstacle and moreover is there any other trick that I can use in order to reduce the rates. Thank you in advance.""

What qualifies you for Medicaid in California?

Im 19years old. im in school but didnt get enough classes to stay on my parents insurance. now i dont have any and i only make like 600 dollars a month. i also dont get any financial aid for school. IM not pregnant or anything, i just need insurance. How much would it cost me per month to have Medicaid? Do i even Qualify? What does it cover if i do? How long would it take to get on it? PLease help im stressing so much about this.""

How many people lack health insurance?

If you lack health insurance, why? If you cannot afford it, what could people around you do to help you out?""

How much should I pay for liability insurance for a non-profit?

I'm from a non-profit volunteer organization that wants its volunteers to teach a 16-session class. Normally, we teach in a local high school, but given the time in the school year, I would like to teach in a public/community setting over the summer. In order to get a public place (library; community center) to host this class, I need to take out liability insurance. I've asked my supervisor whether our organization has liability (no response yet). If we don't currently have it, what is an affordable company to buy it from? How much should my organization pay for a minimal premium?""

Cheaper insurance? bmw 3 series or volkswagen jetta?

What would be cheaper on insurance? A 2002-4 Volkswagen Jetta gli or gls (manual v6 around 200 horse). Or a 1999-2002 BMW 3 series? (also v6, manual, and around the same horsepower). Both would be sedans. Im a 18 year old student with a perfectly clean driving record. What would be cheaper? Why? how much cheaper?""

How much would insurance be on a corvette?

I'm looking at corvettes in the 1998-2003 range, about 100,000 miles on it. I will be 18 when I buy it and I'm hoping I keep my perfect driving record. If it's affordable ...show more""

How much would it cost to insure a cheap motorcycle for a teen?

I found a good bike for two thousand dollars it's nothing fancy but it's enough to get around so I was wondering how much would it cost to insure a bike like this. I have very good grades my parents have a good driving record so I think that will help

Looking for a site for Affordable Individual Health Insurance?

Hello, I'm looking for affordable individual health insurance online web company.Can you suggest me where can I find cheap and good site for my insurance?I'll be very thankful.""

Permanent Life Insurance - Why?

I am 32 (married, 1 daughter) and am looking to have about 700,000 in life insurance. I can get most of this insurance in a 30 yr Term Insurance at a good rate. My question is: within 30 yrs, my kids will have finished college and moved out. If so, would my Term Insurance suffice or should I look at getting some Permanent Life Insurance? Why would I need permanent life insurance? I read on the internet that Permanent Life Insurance is used for burial costs and to pass money on to my heirs. What if I can accomplish both of those through just my personal finances? So my question is: why would one ever consider permanent life insurance""

What is the health insurance like in Vermont?

Some people are saying that it's like Canada's health insurance, where anyone can have it for free. Some others are saying that it's restricted to only certain incomes, ...show more""

Canceling car insurance?

im 19 and have had car insurance for 4 months or so. i had a bunch of money from working with my parents.( own their business). well there business is bad due to the economy. plus a month ago i injured my ankle bad and it still gets a little swollen if im on it for long periods of time. so i cant get a job unless its one where im sitting and there isn't much with just sitting. so i have been thinking of canceling my insurance till my ankle is better and get a job then. my question is how much will my insurance go up when i get it again? my parents are saying its bad too do but i don't see any other option. if i don't cancel it the insurance and gas will drain my bank account in a couple months and i wont have a choice but to cancel it...

Can I cancel my car insurance?

I took out car insurance with Direct Line in July paying in monthly instalment by direct debit. I am now getting rid of my car so want to cancel. Will there be a cancellation fee? Will they make me pay what is left for the year?

What is a good and cheep health insurance?

i only need it for a month i'm 19 years old and in good health. oh i live in florid

affordable health insurance phoenix

affordable health insurance phoenix

Will my insurance go up after a carpool violation?

I was driving on the carpool lane today(I wasn't suppose to because carpool says 3 or more persons and it was me and my sister only), and a CHP saw me, so he pulled me and asked for my license, registration and insurance. Then he asked me why I was in the carpool lane, and I said that a car cut me off so I had to avoid coalition and so I went into the carpool lane...not sure if this was a smart answer, but anyway he gave me the ticket and said that I will receive something in the mail. My question is, I know i'm going to get a point for this violation, but will me insurance rate go up? how will this affect me?""

What would the range of insurance be if i get a cruiser (motorcycle)?

I am 20 years old, living in Mississauga, Ontario. I am planning on going for my M1 and M2 licenses this summer. At the moment, I am undecided between a vulcan500 and a rebel250. If anything, it will be the insurance costs that will have the final say in which one I end up getting. I realize that different insurance companies have different insurance costs; but I just want to know what the average range for a beginner drive with these bikes would be.""

How much money should the insurance company be giving me?

I was in a car accident. An suv hit me (perpendicular to my drivers side), which made me hit a mazda and it spun out of control. The suv that started the accident RAN OFF! They did not realize their license plate fell off and they actually filed a claim saying they were hit in a parking lot! Anyways, it totalled my car so my insurance co is giving me $6200 for my car, but deducting $500 for my deductibl because at first we could not find who was driving the vehicle. Now the drivers insurance company has contacted me wanting to meet to discuss how much money they are going to give me. He said they will be giving me money for my deductible, medical bills, missing work, missing school, inconvience, stresss and pain and suffering. We are meeting today to negotiate the amount. I am not sure what is a reasonable amount, my friends told me $5400 - 8,000. I'd like about $6000-$7000. Do you think this is right?""

Is the insurance is cheaper if the car is fully paid?

so i checked the esurance company site's quote, i was checking out the subaru wrx 05, when its on lease.. the insurance is $500/month, but if fully paid $170/month both of them are in minimum coverage. im just getting insurance just for the heck of it. is this just a glitch or real?""

What to do when health insurance company won't cover surgery?

We just recently got health insurance a few weeks ago. My husband was diagnosed with a double inguinal hernia yesterday and is scheduled for surgery Friday. Our insurance company will not cover the surgery., They said that hernia surgery has a 6 month waiting period and he can not wait another week let alone 6 months. They will only cover it if it is a life or death situation.I could take him back out to the ER, but who's to say that they will say that it is an emergency and do it within 24 hours? I put a call in to the financial aid counselor to see about getting help with the surgery bill, although we are most likely going to be unable to pay big amounts of money. Is there any insurance companies we can sign up for in order to have health insurance and be able to have him get the surgery by Friday? Or is there anything else we can do? We are not eligible for MDCD, already tried that!! Please help with any suggestions.""

Will my gf's car be taken away if I don't have any car insurance but I have my driver's lisence?

I am a young adult and I recently obtained my Driver's License last year on the day before Thanksgiving. After that, I have been driving my gf's car and was wondering what ...show more""

What are the cheapest auto insurance companies in eastern Pennsylvania that cover grey market automobiles?

I recently bought a 1984 Mercedes 500SEL and my insurace company says they will only cover my car for 30 more days until I find a company that will cover a grey market car. The guy I bought it from had it insured so I know its possible, but could you give me some ideas of cheap companies to start off at? I'm a newly licensed driver and am only 16, so please only give me companies that sell policies to 16 year olds (some only sell to 18 and above). Thanks.""

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old?

How can I find out the cheapest rate?

HELP PLEASE. AUTO INSURANCE FOR NEW DRIVER. I NEED A GOOD ANSWER?

how much a year would a 1998 chevrolet camaro base, not z28, be for a new driver. any ideas? and also a 2002 dodge intrepreped es 4 door cost? please.""

Can i put my parents on my medical insurance at work .?

what would i have to do to qualify them to be added to my insurance.

Why do car insurance companies do credit checks?

I have just renewed my car insurance and made a massive saving from 162 per month to 79 per month. But the first few wouldnt let me pay monthly because of my credit history. Why ...show more

When does car insurance go down for teenagers?

i heard recently that now you can start driving as soon as you hit 17 1/2, instead of 18. does this work for insurance too - as in, will the insurance be cheaper if you start driving at 17 1/2, instead of 18? i can't afford the high insurance rates, so that's why i haven't started driving yet, although im 17 1/2 now. This is according to California DMV rules, btw thanks""

Trying to repeal the Healthcare law which is good for the American people the only thing republicans hope?

Trying to repeal the Healthcare law which is good for the American people the only thing republicans hope will put them back into the White House?

What is the price range for insurance on a 07 mustang premium v6?

I am 20, I live in AL. no accidents or violations. I want prices or estimates please, not what I should consider n etc... Thank u""

How much will insurance be on a 2006 mitsubishi eclipse?

Hi im 24 years old and I'm going to get a black 2006 Mitsubishi eclipse automatic v6. And just wanted to know how much the insurance will cost, i haven't been in any car crashes with my current car and have a good driving record.""

What is the cheapest car insurance in Wisconsin?

It seems to me that every insurance company out there is claiming to have the lowest rates, etc. In your experience, who has had the cheapest prices? I'm referring to basic car insurance...no frills, just the minimum coverage that is now required in WI? Thanks (and please dont try to sell me something...I just want some ideas here)""

Proof of insurance issue (Houston)?

I received a ticket while visiting in Houston for not having a valid TX license and for a traffic violation. The ticket costs over $300, but I would like to take a driving class to lower the cost and avoid a points penalty. I was driving my friend's car when I got pulled over. She has insurance for her car and she was with me, but since I was driving, I got the ticket. I am currently not an any insurance policy and I need to send in the defensive driving course request with proof of insurance. Is it okay to send the insurance of her car? Please help. PS. I already took care of the license part. Thank you.""

What are the cheapest cars to insure?

i just want to know what the cheapest cars are to insure as i am going to get my first car soon.

How to join car insurances?

HI I have one car at the moment. Which insurance is due in november 1st. Now if i buy another car this month or next i will have to get that insured aswell. The question i want to ask is that how can i have both cars insured under one company e-g LV. As they will have different starting dates of insurance and different ending dates? Also is it cheaper to have two cars with same company or different companies?? Can i have both with same company but different main drivers?? Many Thanks

About a car insurance..?

I've just got an instruction permit and wanna take a spin for the first time. But I'm concerned if it's ok to drive a car without my own insurance. The car is my mom's and I'm not sure the car itself is insured or she is.

Can still drive with my parents in the car even if I don't have car insurance and they do?

I'm 16 and I don't have insurance listed under my name yet. I have my license already. Me and my parents were wondering if I could still drive without insurance if they're in the car with me. We live in Arizona btw, if that helps. Thanks!""

Auto Insurance help?

My parents have 3 cars, and I'm getting my drivers license soon. when I called the insurance company, they said that I must be registered as a primary driver instead of occasional driver on one of the 3 cars (which makes the insurance cost a lot more). Is that true or are they bsing?""

How good is tonik health insurance?

active college student who needs a supplement to our generic university health care. snowboarding/mountain biking accidents, etc.""

17 Year Old Motorbike Insurance?

What would you estimate the insurance costs are for a 17 year old riding a C.P.I Sprint 125CC?

Why is car insurance so messed up?

i just got a quote for 1200 to insure a 1.4 focus, costing 600. but i also have a quote of 1000 to insure a 2004 mazda rx8 costing 5000. how the hell do they work this rubbish out""

affordable health insurance phoenix

affordable health insurance phoenix

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/la-capitale-life-insurance-quote-nathan-fleming/"