#bc ive had it before with friends and jobs and the decision to stay in VA rather try and find a job in GA like i originally planned

[meiffel-tower]

In yet another experience supporting my trust of my gut/intuition, my sister just sent me a picture of the card her husband gave her and I saw that he specifically wrote "you are super special to me" and yesterday I wrote "you're extremely special to me" in my own birthday message to her. Neither of us wrote a huge flowery paragraph, we both did just 2-3 short but genuine sentences. And like one of the things I've always liked about him is that i feel like we both love my sister in similar ways, and anyways yeah this was just a little thing that just validated my belief that we're similar in some ways lol (and my personal theory that I might end up with a guy with a personality/way of loving me similar to my sister's lmao)

I just think it's interesting how we're drawn to certain types of people and you can kind of feel it even before you really know them that well

[seungstarss]

HI SEI

omfg i just read the latest updates of recall and?? ⁉️⁉️🤨 GIRL WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG W U????? NAURRRR COS MY HEART IS ACTUALLY BREAKING RN THIS IS SO NOT OK 😭😭 I JUST WANT YNWON TO BE HAPPY AND IK I WAS EXCITED ABT FINDING OUT THE REST OF THE PLOT BUT LIKE??? U LITERALLY SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET BC I TOTALLY DIDNT EXPECT ANY OF THAT AT ALL ARE U KIDDING????? OH EM JAYYYYY RECALL IS SO FUCKING GOOD ITS LITERALLY AMAZING BUT MY HEAD IS IN MY HANDS AND IM SHAKING IM QUIVERING IM ON MY KNEES BEGGING FOR A HAPPY ENDING BUT KNOWING U……….

ON A SRS NOTE THO I FUCKING L O V E RECALL!!! SEI how the FUCK did u come up w this like are u joking??? UR BRAIN??? >>>> UGH i’m in love w the storyline like it’s actually so so interesting and i’m just in luv w how nuanced ur characters are :< they all have their backstories and motivations and reasoning behind their decision making which makes it so so immersive to read??? IVE HONESTLY ENJOYED READING EVERY SINGLE ONE OF UR CHARACTERS SO FAR??? all of yn’s friends are so so supportive and cute and bring sm energy to an otherwise angsty asf fic ,, jungwons friends r also legit so cute in their own way and can we talk abt the antagonists too like ????? YURI ???? REI????? THE WAY WE HAVENT EVEN FINISHED THE STORY YET BC NOW IM WONDERING WHAT PART YURI HAD IN THE ACCIDENT TOO???? ICB UVE ONLY REVEALED A PART OF WHAT HAPPENED (ALBEIT A BIG PART) AND THERE R STILL 5 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO??? MOMMY COME PICK ME UP IM FUCKING SCARED IM ACTUALLY QUAKING RN 😭😭 BUT HOLY CRAP SEI I RLYL RLLY RLLY RLLY CANT PRAISE U ENOUGH BC BFFIE U ARE DOING THE BESTEST JOB EVER??? I LOGE THE PLOT THE CHARACTERS THE TEXTS THE MEMES THE PACE OF THE PLOT AND THE WAY U GIVE LITTLE CLUES WITHOUT REVEALING TOO MUCH??? UGHHH URE ACTUALLY TOO GOOD AT THIS 😭💗💗

YNWON ARE SO FUCKING TRAGIC. like the fact they secretly liked each other and were super duper close and did everything w each other was CUTE enough, only for yn to find out jungwons secret :( tbf, i’m sure his fake reputation was already in the making before they met (unless i’m dumb and got the timeline mixed up), so it’s not like he could’ve just randomly told her right :((( i mean ofc it would’ve been better to come clean ab it but i get it :((( it makes me so sad to think yn had been wiped of her memories and jungwon was left to toss up between wanting her to remember their best times and not wanting her to hate him all over again :<< THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD 😭😭 i’m actually so sad rn nobody talk to me,,,,, IT ACTYALLY BREAKS MY HEART TO THINK THAT YNWON CAN ONLY GET TGT IF SHE CAN SEE HIS GOOD AND HIS BAD SIDES AND ACCEPT HIM ENTIRELY FOR WHO HE IS??? I WONDER IF SHE CAN SEE PAST THIS ☹️ BUT YN MY LOVE ITS OK IF U DONT…. men aint shit anyway ig 🚶‍♀️

anyway recall 2/10; super interesting love the characters the plot is flawless but?? author is kinda whack and loves to hurt people ?? so yuhhh i’m gna subtract 8 points :>

OML MY FAV MAI!! I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL OH EM GEE🥺 I SAW YOUR REBLOGS AND I HAD SM FUN REAFING THEM STAHQGQJQ YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME SM SUPPORT THAT I DONT DESERVE 😭😭😭 BUT TY FOR ALWAYS GIVING ME THE CONFIDENCE TO KEEP WRITING AAAA

YES THE MYSTERY OF YN'S ACCIDENT IS FINALLY SOLVED 😭 IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG AND YEAH I BET YN IS FEELING CONFLICTED AS HELL RN LIKE 😭 I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE YOU CARED FOR SM JUST LYING TO YOU :"(((( BUT YESS JUNGWON DID HAVE THIS WHOLE IMAGE THING SET UP ALREADY WHEN HE MET YN :((( JW WAS DEF GOONG THROUGH HELL FLAMES WHEN HE WAS THE ONLY ONE LEFT WITH THE MEMORIES :( THAT'S WHY BOY WANTED TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM HER AS HE COULD,,,, BUT GOSH IT MUST'VE HURT LIKE SHIT TO LOSE SOMEONE WHEN IT WASNT YOUR INTENTION TO BUT IT WAS UR FAULT 😭😭😭 BUT YES 5 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO!! SO LETS SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT 😘😘

MuahHQHAHAH HURTING PEOPLE WUTH MY STORIES IS MY FAV GENRE 🤩

[28dayslater]

okay so basically my question is, is uni as fun as it looks?

i'm 23 and never went, i couldn't even finish college bc of mental health and then i never knew what i wanted in life so thought it didn't matter that i didn't go right away and i kept meaning to like figure it out but then i fell into a job i really like and have been here for a few years now and am content enough. no one in my family went to uni so it was never expected of me so when i didn't go there were no consequences y'know.

but social media is full of people in/who just graduated uni and it looks so fun that i feel like i've missed out. people posting videos in their new accomodation and with their flatmates and becoming best friends and staying up all night, going out doing random things and just having fun and being young with no expectations, and i feel like i've never experienced anything in my life.

like i did some of it, i moved out but there's no parties, no events or societies or getting off with strangers. and i hate to admit it but i still only have a single friend, not the friend group i always wanted. i've been on nights out a few times but it's always different because i know i have to go to work tomorrow, it's never the carefree "i don't know where i'll wake up and that's fine just living in the moment" type of experience. everything is different as an adult i guess. i'm tired by 8pm and going out until 10 is late for me.

and like i know myself i know i would not do well in uni due to my mental health and i would have dropped out or failed, and honestly i do not want to study i do not do well in education. i like finishing work and not having to worry about homework or whatever, but i really wish i could have experienced the social side of uni. i don't know if i'd have even enjoyed it, and it might have gotten old real quick, but i wish i could have at least tried it. and especially when everyone i work with met their partners and friends at uni, and i'm here doing everything i want to do just on my own because my singular friend doesn't share most of my interests.

but i also know people often exaggerate things on social media, and that lots of people don't share their experiences so i'm not sure whether uni is as fun as it always seems or whether it's just select people only sharing their few good experiences. idk i'm just kind of feeling like my entire life has just passed me by or something idk.

sorry for the dump omg i did not mean to say all that i was just gonna ask the question but lost the plot a bit 😭

i think the thing with uni is that like most things it is what you make of it. its a wonderful opportunity to hang out with people your own age, party and ignore your lectures and make stupid decisions bc youre on your own for the first time, and theres no other situation where youre gonna be so free to do what you want, but even when youre there that opportunitys only there if you take it. i went uni for three years, spent half of it violently depressed and not getting out of bed or doing any work, fucked up my actual degree and left with precisely one friend that im still in contact with. so even if youre in the position to be having the time of your life its very easy to waste it and end up having had no fun at all.

it sounds like you wouldnt have enjoyed the actual studying and what you're envious of is purely the social side. and tbf the social part of it does get old quickly, i spent my entire third year living with my best friend just watching crap tv every night instead of ever leaving the house or seeing anyone else. but also, theres no reason you cant create that social life for yourself! all the parties and that i went to at uni were just club nights in town or occasionally at the student union, you dont have to be invited or know anyone before you go.

and as miserable as it is to do and as trite as it sounds, you can make friends even when you're not forced together by school or uni or student accomodation. coworkers, friends of friends, roommates, online mutuals who don't live hundreds of miles away, you can ask those people to hang out and see where you can get from there. and as much as it sickens me to say bc i sound like my mum, theres always societies and events and stuff you can join if you go looking. most my adult friendships have only stayed in my life bc ive put effort into them and made a point of seeing those people and actively making plans. fucking sucks shit but thats the nature of being an adult, when youre not forced together by circumstance every day you have to cling to every friendship youve got and dig your claws in hard

but i hope you do okay! and i think you will

[cilliankelly]

text 📱 cillian & ellie.

Discord text thread featuring: cillian & @robinscnfm

When: december 25th

Mentions: @judetaylorhq @loganstjames @iitsace 

Description: ellie texts cillian to wish him merry xmas. they discuss their relationships and ellie encourages cillian to try and be better, but for himself, not for anyone else.

Trigger Warnings: insecurities galoooore but i think that’s it. 

ellie.

merry christmas dumbass 🤩 hope u had a good time and that your leg is better ❤️ you’re awesome buddy

Cillian

thanks els bells

i know i don’t always act like i do, but i really do appreciate you and shit. thanks for everything and merry christmas

also i’m sorry about your couch

ellie.

i know you do ❤️ no problem. I really did take you in just to do you a solid, buddy

no problem 😂

i might not even need to get one. Yknow, logan asked me to move in and if i do, probably the less furniture the better. U know i have enough shit as it is lmao

Cillian

👀

does this mean you’re seriously considering it?

moving in with the boyfriend?

ellie.

honestly? I kind of am

i have until mid january to think about it

and i like his apartment, plus our schedules don’t always line up because he has a day job and i have a morning job and a night job, which makes hanging out impossible sometimes

Cillian

these all seem like very sensible conclusions

ellie.

They are. I mean. Its kind of scary im ngl

Cillian

definitely scary. but good i think.

ellie.

im not used to living with anyone which definitely freaks me out

and u know i love my crappy ass apartment

but.... its also exciting idk

Cillian

no i totally get it.

i mean it’s a little different for me bc until recently i didn’t really feel like i ever had a home

but it’s nice. it’s big and it’s kind of scary but it’s also really great.

ellie.

ohhhh wait wait 👀

are u moving in w .. someone?

its such a nice apartment too im ngl

and he doesnt let me pay for anything which wasnt an issue when we were 18 but now it makes me feel ✨very guilty✨

Cillian

fuck tell me about it

and i mean... yeah. he gave me a key for christmas

ellie

omg im so happy for you!!!!

thats so so awesome

fuckin scary too but im excited for u

Cillian

thanks. i desperately trying to not fuck it up anymore than i already have. but i feel good about it.

ellie.

he wants to marry me

Cillian

holy shit

i know you guys dated in high school but you’ve been together how long?

ellie.

a fuckin MOOD but hes lucky to have u. Yall are a good match

Cillian

wow thanks. that’s actually like, good to hear.

i kind of feel like i magically won the best friend/boyfriend lottery or something

ellie.

this time around? About a month. Overall? Like almost three years

but no. What he said was that he still had the ring he’d bought back then

and that he wanted to give it to me whenever i was ready to be asked

it fuckin scares me how much he loves me idk what i did to deserve it

U SAID BOYFRIEND

Cillian

sounds like we really are in the same boat

wait what

ellie.

im so happy

yeah we are. Idk ive never been with anyone who loved me so... up front and decisively

Cillian

it’s fucking terrifying

ellie.

it is

Cillian

like i’m really happy???? but i look at him and my chest gets all tight and all i can think about is how much it’s gonna suck to lose him.

also i’m a bit buzzed on wine right now and this conversation is staying RIGHT HERE eleanor.

i have a rep to maintain

ellie.

THATS LOVEEEEE CILLIANNN

and idk im conflicted. He told me he wanted to pick it up where we left off and i told him i wanted to take it slow, and he agreed

and i do want to take it slow....... but oof falling back to the place where we used to be before It happened has been so easy its fuckin scary

Cillian

and oh my god shut uuuuuuuuuuup

i can’t even imagine.

ace is back in town and that’s been... weird

ellie.

IM NOT GONNAAAA U LOOOVE UR BF

my resolve to go slow with him is getting weaker and weaker i am such a mess

i know. I think i saw her the other day. Hows everything on that front?

Cillian

i don’t know. fine? a little awkward. i don’t have feelings for her still but like. i see her and it reminds me how shitty i was. and still am.

ellie.

and dont worry. Yes people leave but not the ones that really love you.... and i have a feeling u found it

Cillian

i think it’s really bumming him out that like... nobody knows we’re... together.

ellie.

yeah why is that?

Cillian

i don’t know...

telling people makes it like... real.

and jude thinks that by not telling people it makes it easier for me to take it all back and regress or whatever

but i just... ellie i’m like positive that i’m gonna fuck this up. and i don’t know if i want to share it. with anyone really.  not when it’s this good.

i don’t know if that makes any sense

ellie.

but its important to him

Cillian

he says it’s fine but i know it’s not.

ellie.

and listen

theres a strong possibility you WILL fuck it up and theres also a strong possibility that you will NOT fuck it up. No one knows.

and theres a possibility that he’ll fuck it up

or maybe something else will come in between you two and pull you apart

no one fucking knows ok dude

Cillian

jesus ellie, not making this any easier over here

ellie.

and you’re wasting the sweetest part of a relationship by thinking about the end

so like. The most u can do is stop thinking so far ahead, stop getting in your own way, and every day make the conscious decision to show him you love him and to not to fuck it up. Thats all any of us can do

Cillian

i don’t deserve him, i really don’t.

i’ve never felt so useless in my entire life.

ellie.

youre not useless

but i get you, i really do

Cillian

i can’t even fucking walk correctly. i can’t work. i can’t do anything

and i don’t know that i’ve ever like, really wanted to be better. but fuck. he deserves more than this.

ellie.

no no dont think like that

if you want to do anything about becoming more educated or some shit like that you have to do it for YOU because YOU deserve better

Cillian

it was hard enough the first time around. i’m just not cut out for it.

ellie.

i just think you havent found the right motivation

Cillian

and what’s that? the right motivation?

ellie.

idk how to describe it

like when i was in college i would think about graduating and being independent and it got me through boring classes and shit like that

so yeah. maybe what you need is motivation

Cillian

i know this is dumb. and it’s gonna get me an eye roll or something. but it’s just so much easier... to not.

ellie.

no its not dumb

but like. sometimes the things that are worth it arent the easy ones

Cillian

i just don’t want to fail again.

ellie.

bad news, youre gonna

Cillian

you’re all sunshine and rainbows this evening

ellie.

im tipsyyy

and also giving it to u straight

ur gonna fail bc failing is just. part of the human experience

but !! ur also gonna succeed my dude

Cillian

i guess you don’t know if you don’t try.

ellie.

also idk i think ur fear is valid and it happens to me too

so i just think itd be bullshit to tell u like <3 ur not gonna fail <3 everything will work out <3

Cillian

yeah. i wouldn’t believe you if you said that anyways.

ellie.

yeah exactly so like

the best thing i can say is that when you think that youre gonna fail just. try to think the opposite

Cillian

easier said than done

but i appreciate the advice

ellie.

yeah i know it is

no problem buddy <3 anytime

[sweettsubaki]

genuinely curious about what u said in your recent comment on sixspence's ceo tim art bc as far as i know (read: as far as my mostly fanon + wiki knowledge goes) i thought he was the ceo? or majority shareholder/owner? idk, im not very well versed on the red robin comics so i was wondering if u got that from there? thank u!

I got it from the Red Robin Comics but also because I’ve read pretty much all of the comics Tim appeared in before N52. Which helps give more context.

So you see, It’s like Bruce, he owns the company, but he doesn’t actually work there. Until New 52, Lucius was the one acting as CEO for Wayne Company while Bruce was the face of it. If he wanted something he’d tell Lucius who would make it happen so he was still technically “The BOSS” but he generally let Lucius do his own thing cause he trusted his decision (the truth is they’re made of the same wood). And Bruce never asked anything Lucius was actually against so that helps.

Tim kept that. Now Tim’s dad had his own company in which Tim never shown any interest (it sunk due to internal strife + Jack losing interest + it seemed his wife was the main chief there), the same way he never showed interest in Wayne Enterprise. The thing is, he’s also terrible at managing his money as he’s generally lived a sheltered and very rich life. Obviously he’s gotten better but it’s the guy for whom getting his own apartment means he gets his own pop corn machine. He doesn’t know a thing about running a business (no interest in his family company + little to no interest in school ensured that). Or rather…he knows enough to analyse and to predict what others would do and what can be done to stop them as a vigilante, but not enough to make the best choices himself (it’s kinda like the difference between an art critic and an artist). 

So he could probably learn to be a CEO but why would he when Lucius is perfect for the job and actually likes it ? While Tim is about as interested in it as Shawn Spencer is (that’s to say : not at all, btw I recommend watching the first episode of Psych. Obviously Shawn and Tim are fairly different characters (Tim’s more like the love son of Shawn and his best friend Gus tbh) but they have enough similarities that it could be an interesting watch).

However what Tim did was work on a charity program called The Neon Knights Fundation. The point was to help at-risk teenagers from turning to crime by providing youth shelters and community activities for youth gangs. He did it for 2 reasons : 1. the idea was good.2. He could expose some corrupt police officers.Then he realized he could use it to get other more… specific criminals by drawing them out as Tim Drake and he jumped to the occasion (the famous time when he was Shot but used M’Gann as a decoy since she couldn’t actually be hurt).Then, since it was a good idea and he needed to go to Russia for a mission he got the idea of making it an international program (which would give him an excuse to be in a different country for missions….And would generally just give him an excuse to go outside…Which is part of why the whole conclusion of him needing to stay in Gotham never made sense to me…I mean c’mon, the kid spent the major part of vigilante life OUTSIDE of Gotham, but that writer tends to want to turn Tim into a mini Bruce so…).

But for this to happen first he got the help of Tiffany and Tamara Fox to create the file to pitch the idea to Lucius, to help him with his presentation and accompanied him when he did it (Tam being the only one who knew his secret ID tho I’m pretty sure Lucius got an idea that Bruce is Batman so…He doesn’t officially know anything but he most likely guessed Tim was Robin). Tiffany became the manager of the Fundation, so even there Tim isn’t completely in charge.

Ultimately, Tim’s thing is that he’s a social butterfly. He’s good at talking to people and he likes it. He’s probably the most social Batfam member. So he stays as Wayne Enterprise’s face, like Bruce was, he gets invited to charities and parties, ect… . Because of his training under Batman one newpaper once called him a genius so he doesn’t have to act dumb like Bruce did but he definitely keeps it on the more “social” side rather than the business one in canon (not that there were that many issues about this since New 52 happened rather quickly).But because he was stuck in the middle of Gotham in No Man’s Land, he went to school in a “mixed” high school (his bff, Ives, who he met there for example was part of the lower middle class for example), and a few other thing happen that could make it understandable why he’d be more concerned about the social part of Gotham in addition to being adopted by Bruce Wayne who’s known for being dumb and…Flamboyant and giving to charities without thinking things through, he can get away with that without people overthinking things too much (except for Vicky Vale).

So generally there’s no reason to believe Tim would act as the CEO since he spends his time gallivanting here and there. He also never especially sets foot in an office that can be called his. He canonically doesn’t want to work as one (literally said so several time, just like how he doesn’t want to be Batman).

I love Tim but being CEO just isn’t something he’d want to do or be good at it. He’d be decent with some training but it’s clrealy not a passion or an ambition of his, hell I’m pretty sure if Damian grows up well enough Tim’d give him the ownership willingly in order to be free of it and go work in a garage somewhere.

[advernia]

fic: beloved, beloved, let me be clear

— before daybreak, there is no life that won't glitter. - fifteen sentences on the ace of hearts & alice the second.

1: spoiler warning for zero’s route up to part 18! specific bc that's where i'm currently at lol please tread lightly folks! (°∀°)b

i: risk. Trust me, the man in the Red Army uniform says and so she does, but really; the last thing she expected to be doing in this strange world was to be jumping off cliffs while being held secure in some stranger’s arms.

ii: shelter. Alice the Second was not to be treated as some weapon meant for the Red Army’s advantage and he would make sure of it - if he couldn’t give her a home, the very least he could do for her was to keep her somewhere safe, even if it was just for a little while.

iii: habit. No scars are visible on the skin where his tattoo lies, but she finds herself wondering how many times or how often did he dig his nails onto that same spot of flesh on his neck whenever he was distressed.

iv: recognition. His official duty was to serve as her monitor - no, her bodyguard and perhaps she saw him that way too; but her calling him a friend so clearly for him to hear certainly sounded like a nicer job title to his ears.

v: kindness. She’s not lost like the puppy they just brought in, but they’re similar in the sense that they’ve suddenly lost their place to belong - she’s still unsure if the Red Army headquarters was truly a place where she could hope to fit in, but if he sincerely says that he couldn’t just abandon her or the puppy; then she might as well stay.

vi: choice. He’s not like the infamous Mousse Atlas that he could just fearlessly abandon his duty to a noble Army and to its Chosen King at a drop of a hat, but somehow being called a puppet didn’t sit too well with him, either.

vii: bearing. She’s gone through it a handful of times before, being paralyzed by the dreadful sensation of being unable to understand or do something that’s been said to be so simple then to be immediately criticized for that same inability: but how did he - someone who was kept away from the world from the very start - feel when he was bluntly made aware of his incompetence?

viii: proximity. So she likes him as a friend, a friend close enough for her to be comfortable with granting a kiss - the whole thing happens in a split second and catches him off guard, but the tickling warmth the brush of her lips left on his cheek confirms that ah, he truly was someone she liked.

ix: difference. There were the occasional kind gentlemen back in London who have tried for her affections through flowers and trinkets or letters of introduction - being bought a gown was definitely a step much farther from all of that, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to refuse or read too deeply into whatever implications his kind offer brought about.

x: alleviate. It's strange how her presence just brings about a wave of comfort, flooding his body with a much needed sense of reprieve and happiness enough for him to forgive himself from pulling away from the many, many papers on his desk and instead spend some time with her and their ever eager little dog.

xi: clarity. I could look at you forever, he says with eyes still as pure and honest as the day they first met - true enough, she can see that the blue hue of his irises clearly reflect herself in them, and the sheer focus of his gaze makes her head spin as her heart begins racing out of her control.

xii: excuse. He shouldn't allow her to be sad, he couldn't stand to make her suffer, he wouldn't forgive himself if he would hurt her in some way or another - but why, oh why was it so hard to let go of her hand, break free from her warmth, and slip away from her embrace?

xiii: shift. Next time I'll run away, she told him that day - but when would the next time be and when push comes to shove, where did she even plan to run to?

xiv: decision. If he warned her, then perhaps it would do good to warn himself as well - the closer she is to touch, the harder it is for him to quell whatever it is that had taken root and grown around his heart and if he would succumb to it, even he's unsure of what would happen from that point on.

xv: home. With her earring safe in his pocket, she finds herself wishing that the warmth of her embrace and their precious promise to meet again would take form and become a magic charm of its own too, dissolving the dread of a goodbye into a beloved hope; a strong hope to return to where one belonged and to see one another's smile once more.

2: ahaHAHA... i’m not yet done with zero’s route but... i’m sc r e a m i ng and i need it  o u t  of my system (;*´Д`)ﾉ... the route’s pace is good... mc’s characterization is equally good i’m so happy... but the romantic development is even better (esp. starting pt.14) like ahhhHHH???? the build-up is slow and steady and i’m so w E A K, i just love this kind of pacing, slay me.... (*꒦ິㅂ꒦ີ) 3: tbh the pt.14 cg already k i l l e d me it was so pretty + the dress mc wears in the cg is actually the premium story final dress?!?!? niiiiice (ˊ̥̥̥̥̥ ³ ˋ̥̥̥̥̥)... then pt.18 smacks me with the earrings and i’m like holy shit macross frontier flashbacks?!??!?! i’m dead... ಥ_ಥ both the title + summary are from said anime btw! 

[captaindaddykru]

The 100 Ask Game

i was tagged by @foreverandalwayscrysis even though i accidentally end up ignoring her for weeks bc i’ve migrated towards twitter. major dumb b*tch energy.

1. What Station on the Ark would you be from? probably argo station bc im from the south and im surrounded by farmers. theyre everywhere. get me out.

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? yelling at someone in command for being a basic bitch? fighting for equality? stealing meds for the poor?

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? if bellamy asked me to? y-yeah.

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) i’d love a turtle

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? ok if we dont count miles ezekiel shaw bc he was in more than two eps, definitely wells.

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? bellamy, clarke, raven, shaw & harper. 

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to? there is only one kru<3<3 anyway, floukru if it was my own decision.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? sumn like maksim? or just maks? idk the whole language is confusing to me

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious. did everyone try the chicken? i thought the chicken was lovely. nah, all jokes aside -- what he did to raven was absolutely disgusting, but i kind of liked his storyline. how he went from being holier-than-thou to absolutely losing his damn mind over clarke to point he shoots up an entire village of innocent people? it was interesting. but he died when he shouldve.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? im not gonna take shit. grass is always greener on the other side.

11. What character do you relate to most? definitely clarke. thats why i’m so hard on her.

12. What character do you like the least? echo. groan every time i see her face.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical) oh i love this one! uhm. probably like jeans, but ripped. black ankle boots. a shirt -- something with cleavage definitely, i think a regular tanktop. a dark jacket. idk. i would always have a gun/knife holster on my thigh i think. (ok i wanna look like lara croft). and i would enjoy if i could wear any shade of lipstick. i would want that to be my trademark. i find berries or sumn in the first ep.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal? that monster spying on lincoln and octavia in the woods. wonder what happened to that one.

15. What would your job be on the Ark? something medical for sure.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked? yeah no biggie im (almost) a nurse. ive resucitated ppl before.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive, then who would have made the best commander? dont kill me, but definitely luna. i know she didnt want it, but she wouldve been the best fit.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? probably cry all night or get super giggly. either or.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach? i dont believe in the dead penalty in modern times, but like she was old enough to know killing people aint right. especially not for revenge on an innocent person. so i say the murphy method.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone? they shouldnt have one person in charge, but if they have to, i’d say clarke. fuck them old ppl tbh.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis? i think bellamy went through some personal stuff that made him side with pike. if i were in the situation myself i think i would be digusted by pike’s xenophobia, but if they said there was an army outside waiting to kill us. maybe i would buy it? idk. depends on if i have all the info i guess.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s iPod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there? MUSIC PLAYER

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? war paint on my lips!!! and i’d wing the shit out of my eyes too. as for a hairstyle probably like a lob, sides braided back. i dont like my hair up so mostly just keep it down. tattoos? idk if we’re all dying anyway, i’d say fuck it and do a whole sleeve of flowers.

24. Favorite quote? can i be a soft bellarke bitch for a sec and present clarke’s entire speech in 4x13 or ‘if i’m on that list, you’re on that list’. that or “who we are, and who we need to be to survive are very different things”

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? clarke or murphy. team cockroach bitch. is this the time i plug my own thg fics? 

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non-canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

if i cant say bellarke its gonna be a short list. canon? zaven and memori. non-canon: sea mechanic, wellven, murphamy. 

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo? BIG DREAM would be taylor swift but i dont think her current era fits with the show (plus its the cw....like they gonna give up half of their yearly budget for a three sec cameo?). i think aly & aj’s new music slaps and they’d fit in the whole new earth aesthetic. 

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? write blarke fanfic with him probably. 

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die? i’d wanna die protecting bellamy lmao. just a full on beheading or something.

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? literally no one. they’re a season too late. ok. maybe shaw. but thats over now i guess :/

31. A character you’d bang? bellamy, clarke, raven, shaw, emori, harper, monty, wells, diyoza. its a cw show. come on.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?  if i was on the show i’d go up in space to prevent becho. if you have me the choice now, i’d stay in eden.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?  i’d definitely not eat human meat. death it is i think.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits? tryna murder blodreina for making me eat humans.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with? i’d bond with monty over biology i think. i would have a hard time getting a long with murphy or echo. i love the first as a character but irl i’d kick his ass. 

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself? if i have eden? as long as i have until the next apocalypse.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do? try and blow them up while they sleep or sumn? or idk. if i was alone, maybe just better to make friends.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite? diyoza+, mccreary-.

39. Would you Spacewalk? i would probably? i’d be terrified but what a way to go?

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat? ive accidentally gotten bugs in my mouth before and like i said im not eating humans, so -- space algae.

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it? war didn’t help anyone. in the end, no one got to live on earth. i’d try and compromise i guess. or once they trust me, try and kill the eligius ppl in their sleep anyway.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes? stick the thumb drives into bullet holes. i have fear of ‘alive’ things being in or on the human body. 

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia? for clarke? yeah. if she was as loco as octavia, definitely. or i’d kidnap her and say she killed me.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper? sleep, definitely.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet? bellamy, clarke, raven, emori, shaw, murphy, jordan and since somebody usually dies on these explorations, i’d allow echo to come.

[escapetocanada]

Week One on the Job

I’ve finished my first week at the new job! I’m working on a hospitalist geriatric unit at Vancouver General Hospital. Its a locked unit and most of the patients have some degree of dementia. I’m a causal worker, which means I only work on an as-needed basis but I’ve got this job for the whole month of March. I share an office with two other women and the three of us all work together on discharge planning. The other two women both have nursing backgrounds and they handle setting up all the outpatient care, home care and facility placements (of which there are much fewer, I’ll get into that in a minute), my role is mostly assessing patients and families to see how they’re coping both in and out of the hospital and identifying resource needs. Its a lot less time on the phone than at Hopkins and I haven’t had to talk to any insurance reps, which I don’t miss at all, but its different working primarily with dementia patients. A lot of the patients (not all) have had long, happy, relatively healthy lives and are now just at the end of their life. Its different than working with patients who have been sick for much of their life, or have had very difficult lives, or all of the above. Of course there are still some patients like that as well, but much fewer than what I’m used to.

Ok, now for the nitty gritty social work stuff. Social work friends, this is for you! First of all, APS and guardianship cases are a whole different ballgame up here. I still don’t totally understand everything but basically there’s something called the Adult Guardianship Act that allows a person to be brought to and held in the hospital if they are being abused, neglected or self neglecting and are deemed to be unable to seek support and assistance on their own. There’s a similar act called the Mental Health Act that allows for someone with a mental illness to be brought and held in the hospital in order to prevent “substantial mental or physical deterioration”; they don’t have to be considered a danger to themselves or others. Basically its easier to hold people against their will in the hospital if they aren’t taking care of themselves. Also there are no APS workers like in the US, the social workers at the hospital do the investigation and determine if there is abuse, neglect, or self neglect and arrange for follow-up community care. So there’s no sitting on the phone for an hour and a half describing the extend of an 80lb patient’s wounds to try to get someone to fucking show up and start an investigation. They still have capacity assessments, which are pretty much the same as in the US, and if a person lacks capacity than a decision maker has to be appointed and if there is no surrogate decision maker the court will appoint a public guardian, so that’s all the same, but its interesting to see a system that allows for a lot more power on the part of the healthcare professionals to determine what is best for the patient. There was a recent case in BC where a woman was held against her will in the hospital for a year due to suspicions by the hospital staff that the woman, who was intellectually disabled, was being sexually abused. In that case the hospital also didn’t disclose to the patients family that she was being held in the hospital, so they didn’t know where she was (which is legal) and the hospital denied the patient access to a lawyer (which is not legal). So that’s a pretty bad example of the system over reaching, but on the other hand you don’t have to wait for APS to get around to investigating cases and if someone is self neglecting to the point of nearly killing themselves you can more easily try to intervene. I’ll have to see it in action more before I decide if I think its a better system or not. As someone who leans pretty heavily on the side of patient autonomy I’m a bit suspicious, but I’ll see.

But its not all guardianship and neglect cases, thank god, there’s also your regular discharges. Remember when I said there aren’t a lot of facility placements? Yeah, there really aren’t! They will keep people in the hospital for a few days or even a week in order for them to get enough PT to go home, and you can get WAY more home care services. Like four times a day! And not just PT/OT and nursing, you can also get home care aids. They do pretty much everything short of 24 hour care to keep people out of facilities. Of course that means its hard to qualify for a facility and when you do qualify you often have to sit on a waitlist for several months (unless you can pay privately to go to a non-subsidized facility, its still a two tiered system) but how many times did I have someone tell me they’d literally rather die than go to a nursing home? And there’s no sending people to facilities for IV antibiotics either, they do the treatment in the hospital if they can’t go home with a line. Not surprisingly this all means that length of stay is longer, though I don’t have the actual numbers to quote. But people being in the hospital for a few weeks isn’t a big deal and on a 30 bed unit its considered a busy day when six people get discharged.

Now about those 30 beds. Capacity is a problem. My first day on the unit we had 37 people on what should be a 30 bed unit. They have two to three people in a room unless someone is on isolation precautions. That’s not every unit of course, their palliative unit for example is all private rooms, but it definitely seems like things are more crowded.

The biggest difference, though, is a shocker. Like my jaw almost dropped. Someone had briefly mentioned it in my interview but it was so unbelievable that I didn’t even process the sound. Two words: paper charts. They have paper fucking charts. There are HANDWRITTEN NOTES! Just how impractical is this? Well, only one person can read notes on a patient at a time, and if someone locks a chart in their office on accident no one can read that patients notes or add more notes to the record. Plus, again, some of the notes are hand written, which for all practical purposes means they might as well not be written at all since they are completely illegible (I type all my notes because I’ve seen my handwriting and even I can’t read it and lets not even get started on my spelling). And do you want to find the social work assessment note from three admissions ago? Have fun finding that in medical record! Its truly insane, like going back in time. I’ve been told an electronic system is coming next year, but wow. I have no words.

One more super nerdy social work thing and then I promise I’ll end this post. Folks might remember that one of my favorite things to do at Hopkins was to tell the residents what a Medicaid spenddown is and then watch the horror wash over their faces. They don’t do that here! When you go to a nursing facility you do have to pay a portion of the cost, but the portion you pay is based on your INCOME not your ASSETS. So you don’t have to burn through all your savings when you go to a facility, you just have to pay a percentage (and I think its a pretty high percentage, like 80%) of your earned income, and if that would be considered a financial hardship you can apply for a reduced rate. So people aren’t signing over their whole social security checks to assisted living facilities either. This all applies to government subsidized facilities, of course. Like I said above you can pay privately for services and I’m sure private pay services are often better, but the point is that people who can’t afford to do that aren’t left with nothing. Its pretty great.

Those paper charts though...

[destrction-blog]

◜ –––   KEIYNAN LONSDALE / CISMALE / 23. meet james sawyer. they’re always bouncing between jobs around town. they’ve lived in chicago for their entire life. they’re known as the erudite stoner, because he’s clever and cynical.

so i’m amanda and this is sawyer and he’s ....... doing his best.      (  he has no idea what he’s doing, someone help him  )

                                                     i.    aesthetic.

dropping from the top of chain - link fences. the spark of a lighter. too - loud music and the pounding of bass. never really having somewhere to call home ;   never being particularly wanted. feet pounding on pavement and the echo of sirens. a man with thorny flower stems for a tongue. hector of troy in a clash t - shirt, with a grin made for war.

pinterest boiiii.

character inspiration: steven hyde, jean ralphio saperstein, eleanor shellstrop, burton guster, logan echolls, ryan atwood, loren hale.

                                                  ii.    background.

so lizzie and charlie sawyer were an......interesting couple, to say the least. they were impulsive, always chasing the next adrenaline rush, the next thing to excite them. they were in love and they burned brighter and brighter until they inevitably consumed themselves. they were young when they got married, lizzie at barely 21 and charlie at 22, but they were so passionate that no one could dream of telling them that eloping was a mistake. they were 23 when they literally ran away with the circus --- leaving their families to travel the united states as trapeze artists.

they were in it for two years before lizzie found out she was pregnant. the two of them were so so excited!! they had to take a step away from the high wire and do other work for the troop in the meantime, but they were making do as best as they could. after all, their coworkers even chipped in.

so nine months later james sawyer was born!!!! he was with them for three years before lizzie and charlie realized they couldn’t afford a child doing the things they did and they were equal parts selfish and selfless with the following decision they made --- they didn’t want to leave the family they had built themselves, but they also couldn’t give their child the life they thought he deserved. so they literally just

left him at a children’s hospital in chicago, their current stop at the time

they had no idea what else to do

fuckin hell lizzie and charlie, who do u think u are

so!! that’s where sawyer’s time in the foster care system begins. he spent the next handful of years of his life bouncing from family to family, both good and bad. he was used to various neighborhoods all around chicago --- when he was a teen, he even spent a little bit of time with a wealthier family. that didn’t last long, when he got arrested for his first possession charge. 

so in and out of homes he went, never really feeling welcome or settled anywhere --- until, at 17, he was taken in by the blakes. all things considered, they were one of the best families he had lived with. his foster siblings weren’t awful, the blakes let them do as they pleased and kept a roof over their head and food in the cupboard, and sawyer couldn’t complain. especially since he knew that if he pushed his luck for much longer, he’d be on his own. and chicago doesn’t take pity on anyone. much less a kid with a history like his, who’d be chewed up and spit out if he wasn’t careful. as if he hadn’t already been the universe’s punching bag for years.

he stayed with the blakes from there!!! when they passed, their house was left with him and the other kids etc etc etc

SO TO SUM HIS CURRENT STATE OF LIFE UP AT 23 

he’s rarely got a steady job. something always goes wrong or he quits. rn he’s working at a record store on the south side called vinyl resting place. great store, total hidden gem, looks a lil bit like a hippie hole in the wall but he actually LIKES IT there. 

he’s always couch surfing ?? sure he has the blake house to go back to, but you’ll sooner catch him bouncing from apartment to apartment, house to house, of his friends’, just making himself at home and crashing on their couch.

also does a little bit of dealing on the side

doesn’t know where his parents are, barely remembers them, there’s some resentment and regret there and lots and lots of questions. they didn’t even give up their rights so he could be adopted at any point throughout the years. selfish bastards. but there’s also a lot of curiosity he can’t seem to shake. all he knows is what the hospital and social worker knew: their names, his own, and that they were with some traveling group going through town at the time. but sawyer isn’t exactly a rare last name, so little has come from any attempts at searching for them.

anyway that’s my fave problematic couch surfing quasi-delinquent

                                                  iii.    personality.

his pinterest board is honestly the best way to get a grasp of his personality

he swears a lot, but it’s just,,,, his vocabulary. they honestly hold little more meaning to him than any other word out there

overdramatic when things inconvenience him

snarky as ALL get out

emotionally closed off, starved of affection and could probably use a hug

makes jokes bc he can’t let anything get TOO serious

roguish

v dry humored

great at pushing people away!!!!!

that’s all i’ve got

                                                    iv.    fun shit.

conspiracy theorist and only goes by sawyer

smokes a lot

so bad at answering his phone like good god

i wanna add more but also want this to be concise so

here we go

                                                v.    connections.

people he stays with, his rotating circle of convenient friends

he’s inspired by hyde so BET i want a group of friends like that t70s gang

exes, flings, all that shit. i love some good dramatic romance

i’m so bad at listing wanted stuff, just like this or message me for plotting BYE THANKS 4 READING

[lilragekitten]

Lol, I’m already so over this holiday season. SO MUCH under the cut oops.

Last night I had a guest check in (well, I didn’t my co-worker did) and the credit card was declined. Grandma was supposed to pay but there wasn’t enough to do the security deposit for the four nights stay, not even for one night. 

(I don’t know about you, but every single hotel I’ve ever been too, I’ve needed A) a credit card (in my name unless someone else was paying and then they had to email/fax over a permission form with all the details) and B) enough funds plus extra (anywhere from 15$-600$ extra one memorable occasion) to cover my ass and the hotels ass.)

Coworker gets in touch with Gma and she says there’s only a 500$ limit on the card and that they can come by later. Guest at counter were tired after a 7 hour drive, so they’re let into the room to nap (as the wife said she was going to do.) At 4pm, Gma comes in with Gpa and his CC. I ask if we’d be able to run for the four nights or are we just doing one, as the guests have said that they’d pay for the remainder of the stay, not a problem, they just don’t have a CC. Gpa says that no, there’s not enough there but we can do one nights worth. I ask if this card can be used to PAY for the one night I’m doing a hold with and he says sure. I asked TWICE bc they... did not seem to understand. 

(what’s super hilarious is that I’ve spoken to Gma on the phone about this reservation like two weeks ago confirming we need a valid credit card at check in to do a hold on it and she said okay.)

I explained as simply as I could “Your credit card is not being charged at the moment, it’s a hold on it for the 190$ which is for tonight’s stay. At check out, in four days, then we will process it as a payment for 187.57$ and that’s when you will be charged” “Oh okay... Can I get a receipt now?” “No... because I haven’t charged you anything so I do not have a receipt to give you. I will after check out, when it’s been paid for.” “Okay but I wont be here, I need a receipt” “We can email you the bill once your family leaves in four days, and your card has been charged then.” “......” He stood there staring at me legit HOLDING OUT HIS HAND. “But how will I know what you charge me?” So I gave him a business card, wrote 187.57$ on it and said. “At check out, this is the amount your card will be charged. You won’t be charged until they leave though. Do you understand?” And he stared at me some more, another guest off to the side look confused and amused, and He asked one more time for a copy of the receipt. 

I sighed heavily and laughed tiredly. Because I couldn’t NOT anymore. “ I don’t have a receipt TO GIVE YOU because you HAVENT PAID FOR ANYTHING yet.” and I turned to help the next guest. I thought that was the end of it.

Oh No.

At 440pm, I get this woman stomping up to the desk. I do not know this lady, I haven’t seen nor spoken to her. “Hi can I help you?”

And Good Lord. 

“YA YOU CAN HELP ME BY GETTING YOUR DAMN STAFF STRAIGHTENED OUT. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I CALLED A MONTH AGO ABOUT THESE RESERVATIONS AND I WAS TOLD I NEEDED A CREDIT CARD BUT I DIDNT HAVE ONE SO IT WOULD BE OKAY FOR GRANDMA TO COME IN AND PAY FOR THE ROOM AND NOW YOUR STAFF IS CHANGING UP ALL THE RULES?”

“....Um, can I ask who you are?” (because it’s better to have confirmation before assuming, omg, it is not good to assume anything)

“YOU KNOW WHO I AM. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS, GRANDMA CALLED AN WOKE ME UP IVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH THE BABY AND NOW I HAVE THIS TO DEAL WITH I WA SIN A CAR FOR SEVEN HOURS AND I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS BECAUSE YOUR STAFF CAN’T DO THEIR JOBS”

“okaym but may I know your name ma’am?

“OH YOU’RE GONNA LEARN MY NAME YOU’RE ALL GONNA KNOW MY NAME I CANT BELIEVE THIS. YOU’RE CHARGING THEM 500$ FOR THE ROOM WHEN I WAS TOLD ALL YOU NEEDED WAS ASECURITY DEPOSIT AND-”

“What room are you in ma’am?”

“yOU DAMN WELL KNOW AND NOW YOU’RE CHARGING THEM 500$ WHEN THAT’S THE LIMIT ON THEIR CARD AND THEIR ALL UPSET-”

“Are you XXXXX in -” (I asked bc I was getting tired of being screamed at. She wasn’t just raising her voice, it was a high pitched shrill of ‘I wanna speak to your manager’ except there is no manager, only JennerJen and I am Tired and you’re causing a scene Brenda (not her real name)

“YES IM xxxx IN ROOM xxx!! AS YOU DAMN WELL KNOW AND I-”

“Ma’am, I’m not the girl that served you earlier, can I explain what I actually have done?”

“Oh.” Yeah... she stopped.. and stared at me. (later on she admitted we all looked alike, dressing the same (uniform) despite my like 6 or so inches on my coworker, my brown hair vs her red, my glasses and her not... BUT ANYWAYS)

“Yes. Sorry for the confusion, your family members didn’t really seem to understand what I was doing. I did take a security deposit, but only one night, as you can see here *showed her the transcript* for 190$. I told them that you and your husband would need to come to the desk to pay for the remainder, that is what you had said to my coworker, yes?”

“Yeah that’s right. Grandma called saying you had taken all her money and that we needed to pay on top of that.”

“Grandma was wrong.”

“Oh. Okay well they should be here soon to give the card-”

“They were aleady here, about an hour ago.”

“But she JUST called me and woke me up? Is she coming back?”

“I don;t know, I don’t need her to, but I do need YOU guys to pay for the room for your stay.”

“Oh yeah no, that’s not a problem! I completely understand, I just don’t get why she says she’s coming back then? Man, what the Hell?”

“What the Hell for sure. Sorry, I tried explaining it as simply as I could, and I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Oh yeah no for sure, I would’ve lost it” -starts laughing

“I hope you gave Grandma shit for waking you up”

“Yep”. 

She became my best friend for next fifteen mins, talking about getting drunk at Hanson and kicked out, how when both of us travel we prefer not having housekeeping usually,*This is Important* etc and then her hubby came in.

“What is up with your mother? Why did she call me? You guys made me yell at this girl?”

“Why did you yell at her?” *Me secretly going YES WHY?!?!?*

So they go off, come back to pay a little while later and I ask hubby, ‘Hey earlier we were chatting and your partner mentioned she normally doen’t like housekeeping, is that right? You don’t want service tomorrow? (Today- day after they checked in-Guests were to have service normally, but the night of 24/25/26th they get a rate of 100$ because there will be no staff in. (between 1/3-1/2 the rate off) He says, “Nah, I think we’ll take it, when do they usually come?” “Anytime between 8-4pm” okay let you know”

Well.

My girls finished at about 425. Theses guests came back at same time. The girls were just finishing rooms, and ended up clocking out when Hubby came to desk asking about service. I apologised and said that his room wouldn’t be getting done, but what did he need, I could go do it. He asked for towels. I brought towels. I see Wife in breakfast room feeding baby I ask if she needs anything else, she says “Oh god no, we’re fine, don’t worry, but maybe something for the diapers? I don’t want the room to smell” So I said I can go collect the garbage. “Oh no! That’s okay, is there like a bin or something?” I point to the big garbage shed outside but I tell her that she doesn’t need to do that. I can provide several garbage bags, put the diapers in them, tie it off, put it in hallway and then call the front desk so we can throw them out. She perks up “omg that’s perfect thank you so much.” 

So I go to room, drop off bags, inform hubby of ‘the plan’ and ask if there’s anything else. he says no. Comes to desk like five mins later all pissy. “So let me get this straight, there’s no housekeeping tomorrow or the next night for the discounted rate, but I had to pay full charge for today and I still don’t get any service?” I apologised and said that I had spoken to his wife and went with her decision and he’s like “NO I Specifically requested it last night here” (Yeah.. um no you said you’d let us know and then didn’t??? also your wife is a scary bitch and I don’t want to upset her again okay???) “We won’t be staying the final night now.” (they had only paid for the first three after anyways, and declined using Gpa’s CC to actually pay for the room)

I am Just So Tired. And I still get to see them tomorrow night. 

I also went to high school with the husband. LOL. Ugh. 

[safyresky]

Fusion AU Part III: The Bernelle Bit

Part I: The History | Part II: When Elle Met Berline | Part III: The Bernelle Bit | Part IV: The Triumphant Return of Jackie Frost | Part V: Bad Luck | Part VI: Dream Team | Part VII: The Greatest Thing That’s Yet To Have Happened

e n j o y   t h e   s u f f e r i n g

(bc bernelle isn’t bernelle without avoidance tactics and running from communicating lmao @lovelypidge I joke i love these shitty elf children and their avoidance tactics)

(Also yes I have 3 more parts planned, GASP. I’m gonna fucking milk fusion AU. I’m having a bit of an issue with order with the last 3 parts but y’know, details, I just want you to know they exist ;D))

Berline and Elle appeared in the middle of town square, just outside of the Workshop. The elves milling about outside hopped back, staring up at the fusion in awe.

“I thought that the elves would be use to a fusion,” Elle murmured.

“Nope,” Berline replied. “Not a lot of them have met me, for starters. Plus, to them fusion is an emergency thing. Seeing me here is probably concerning them. I, uh, probably should’ve taken us right to Santa’s office but to be honest I’m not sure I would fit in there. I’m a bit taller than I remember being.”

“I’ll handle this,” Elle said, Berline placing her down. “Hey guys,” Elle began, addressing the shocked elves. “This is just Berline. They’re here to give something back to Santa that the two of us went to go grab. Everything is okay though! there's no need to worry, okay?” Elle finished, doing her best to project the safe feeling Berline gave her onto the elves closest to her. The elves eased up considerably, looking relieved.

“Berline.”

“Curtis! Always a pleasure,” Berline said dryly.

“What are you doing here?”

“Santa sent us on an errand.”

“Are you going to be here for long?”

“Depends. I have to talk to Santa, and I have yet to meet this one properly as myself. Which means--”

“You have to give him the fusion talk.”

“Yep.”

“Want me to go grab him?”

“That would be nice, yes.”

“Double nice for me, because the sooner I grab him, the sooner I don’t have to deal with you,” he mumbled.

“You flatter me, Curtis.”

“What’s his deal?” Elle asked, as Curtis went to find Santa. 

Berline grinned. “I like to bug him. Admittedly a bit more than I should.” Berline squatted, whispering now. “He thinks I’m a bit too much,” they said, laughing.

“You? Hardly,” Elle laughed as well. “I feel like there are plenty of other fusions who are too much.”

“Well, Jackie definitely, though I don’t quite enjoy talking about them. Diteline may be a bit too much at times.” Berline looked thoughtful. “She gets very excited very easily depending on the circumstances...”

“Elle! You’re back! And with--I’m sorry, who is this?”

Santa had shown up, Curtis by his side. They stopped in front of the doors to the Workshop, the balcony putting them at eye level with Berline, who stood up from their squat, clearing their throat.

“I’m Berline. We’ve sort of met, just never quite as myself.”

"Huh?”

“You know that fusion thing Bernard mentioned before we left?” Elle said, joining him on the balcony.

“Yes?”

“You’re looking at them, Santa.”

“So you are the...fusion?” he asked Berline.

“Sure am. Fusion is literally when two fae...fuse, to make one fae.”

“Berline...so you’re Bernard and--?"

“Jacqueline,” Elle supplied.

“Thanks,” Santa replied.

“Yes and no. I’m the physical manifestation of the two combined, but I’m my own person. You following?”

“Mostly. I think.”

“Well, let’s take it step by step,” Berline said, leaning on the railing.

“Alright. So fusion literally means fusion. It’s when two...fae?”

“Yup. Only fae creatures can do it. Specifically Pixies, Elves, Sprites, and Faeries. It’s a very advance magical technique.”

“Used for?”

“Depends on who you ask,” Elle interrupted, noticing Berline looking a tad conflicted. “Faeries are all haughty about it and will only fuse with other faeries, won’t even think about fusing with their cousins. Pixies were neutral but we really don’t know much more from there because they’re gone. Elves see it as a special technique best used in emergencies, and Sprites see it as this real wonderful...thing,” Elle finished, at a loss for words to describe how Jacqueline had described fusion to her. It was just special, she had decided.

“That’s detailed,” Santa said. “I guess you guys ran into the trolls after all then?”

Berline nodded. “Seven of them. They tried to eat Elle, not before she did a number on them herself, of course. I kicked their as--tooshies.” Berline’s blue eye twitched at the censoring.

“We were successful though!” Elle continued. “Check out what Berline has.”

Grinning, Berline reached into the satchel and pulled out the snow globe. “Voila. Perfectly intact and thankfully free of troll stench. Now stop taking it out of the hall. You’ll get your replica to keep to your aesthetic, don’t worry.”

Santa took the globe, grinning. “What a relief! Thanks, Berline. And you too, Elle. I’m glad you didn’t get eaten by trolls.”

“That makes two of us,” Elle added.

“Three, actually,” Berline said. “Technically four but, details. And! I have something else of yours, Santa, that I think you’ll like,” they continued, a very large grin on their face as they reached into the satchel again.

“My toe socks! I thought I’d never see these again!”

“How did you even know they were Santa’s?” Curtis asked, nose wrinkled as Santa grabbed the socks from Berline.

“They’re red and green toe socks with little Santas all over them, how could they not be his? I also found Jacqueline’s sword,” Berline added, pulling a silver double-edged sword out of the satchel. The hilt was inlaid with a few dull sapphires. “The sheath is in here too, somewhere.” They grinned as they pulled it out, placing the sword gently inside its scabbard. “Pretty productive night, I think.”

“Wow,” Santa said, not sure what else to say.

“Same,” Elle agreed.

“Now then! I would love to stay and chat but, ah, I have a replica snow globe to make and a sword to restore. Too bad I can’t be in two places at once,” they winked, hopping onto the balcony. “That was a joke, by the way Curtis. I can actually be in two places at once, that was the joke part.”

Curtis groaned as Berline disappeared in a bright light, Bernard and Jacqueline standing where the fusion just was, both in a bit of a bow, Jacqueline holding the sword.

“I get it now,” Santa said, understanding dawning. 

“Well, that was fun,” Jacqueline straightened up, glancing at her knuckles. “Bruises anyway. I hate bruised knuckles. How are yours?”

Bernard glanced at his knuckles. “A little bruised too. Could be worse though. We could all be fae stew right now.”

“And I’ve got my sword back!” Jacqueline said, grinning. “I better get moving, this is going to be a job let me tell you. I’ll be seeing you guys later. I think the two of you,” she continued, gesturing to Bernard and Elle, “have some chatting to do,” she finished with a wink. Before either of the two elves could say anything, Jacqueline disappeared in her usual shower of sparks and snowflakes.

“So, I get the fusion thing,” Santa began. “And I’m glad you got the snow globe back. What I’m not quite sure about is who exactly is Jacqueline?”

Jacqueline had had a good laugh when Elle told her later about Santa forgetting her for the third time. She was also relieved when Elle told her that they had said she was a friend of theirs, and Santa hadn’t pressed. 

Elle sipped a hot chocolate on her break, deep in thought about what Berline had said about her and B fusing. They had seemed so sure but since Berline had left, Elle had perhaps unintentionally been avoiding Bernard.

She was a little embarrassed of her jealousy before hand. It had been a day or two and really, she knew she should’ve gone to chat with B but for some odd reason, couldn’t make herself do it.

When you two do fuse–and I know you will–your fusion will be very different from me, Berline had said. And a lot more special. 

So that was great to know and all. Elle would have loved to prod Berline for more details. Facing them would be okay. Of course, Berline wasn’t there so it’s not like she could ask them. (In fact, Elle had no idea where Jacqueline was today, and her wintry friend was shit at communication sometimes--this being one of those times--so Berline was out of the question for now, and that was assuming B would have agreed to fuse with Jacquie because did Elle’s reasoning for needing Berline really count as an emergency?) Which meant she would have to talk to B. And facing B? Elle was still a little embarrassed to do that for...a bunch of reasons. Mainly the jealousy thing, and also specifically what Berline had said!

There was nothing left to do but to muster up the courage, get past the self-embarrassment, and talk to B as soon as she could. So, Elle made a split second decision. 

“Well, here goes,” she said out loud, topping off her drink and heading out to find him. She didn’t have to look too far because the moment she stepped out of the lounge, she smacked right into Bernard.

“Elle!”

“B! Hi,” Elle said, blushing. “I was just, uh, going to go look for you.”

“That’s crazy because I was doing the exact same thing. I think we need to talk. That is, can we talk? Are you okay to talk? Do you want to talk? Right now?”

“Yeah, sure. That’s what I was going to find you for, actually.”

It was silent for a bit, the two elves standing in the doorway, blushing and staring at eachother. Bernard cleared his throat. “Anyone in there right now?”

“No, it was just me.” With a nod, B gently put his hand on Elle’s back, leading her into the small lounge and closing the door behind them. 

“I wanted to--”

“So about--”

They both stopped, staring at each other. 

“Oh man, we’re a bit of a mess, aren’t we?” Bernard asked.

“When aren’t we?” Elle sighed.

“Most of the time, I like to think. You go first, Els.”

“I wanted to talk to you about what Berline said,” Elle said really fast, so that it sounded more like iwantedtotalktoyouaboutwhatberlinesaid. 

“Right. Me too,” B replied, with a little laugh. “Listen, I’m sorry they were so blunt with you. That’s just how Berline is. Fusions are like that sometimes. Not necessarily open or blunt, of course, but with certain traits more...prominent than others. Jacqueline is a very open sprite, and I may keep my feelings close but I do say them if necessary. So Jacqueline’s open-ness makes me feel a bit more open when we fuse and, well, Berline becomes a very...blunt person. I’m rambling. I said open way too much. Blunt, too.”

“No! It’s okay! I like it! I like when you ramble,” she said with a goofy smile. “And I absolutely love Berline, did I tell you that?”

“Technically yes,” B said, winking.

“Well I’m telling you now, I love Berline. I’m sorry I was jealous about them and you and Jacqueline. I...I don’t know if our fusion would have handled that as well as Berline did.”

“Berline’s been around. They know a thing or two. Listen Elle, I know...I know that Berline said a lot of stuff to you about, you know, us. And they were being truthful! I promise.” He closed his eyes briefly, breathing in. “I would like to fuse with you sometime soon but I don’t want you to feel pressured because of Jacqueline or Berline or even me.”

“B, I don’t feel any pressure. I’m the one who’s been pressuring you to fuse with me! And I’m sorry about that. I think seeing Berline in action kinda put a lot of things into perspective,” Elle said, placing her mug down. “They are their whole own person. Where did you and Jacquie even go?”

“We were there,” B replied, shrugging. “We didn’t go anywhere per se. We both physically became Berline. That’s how that works. It’s, ah, hard to explain,” he said, scratching the back of his head.

“Better to show me?” Elle asked, eyebrow raised, impish grin on her face.

Bernard laughed, grabbing both her hands in his. “Yes. Better to show you. Whenever you are ready.”

“Okay. Thanks, B,” Elle said, hugging him.

“You’re welcome,” B said, hugging her back tightly.

And then suddenly, they were both gone; neither had noticed it happen until they opened their eyes and saw nobody in front of them.

“I--oh,” Bernelle realized (their name the first thought on their mind), looking down at their hands. “Well that was unexpected. I feel like a too soon joke would work real well here.”

They blinked and took a step forward. And then another step. And then they lost their balance and stepped back, landing right on one of the couches.

“This is different. This is hard,” they thought out loud, frowning. “It’s okay. Just take it one step at a time.”

A deep breath. A determined look. They got up again, taking a few steps; Bernelle was finally getting the hang of their new form and realized something very, very important.

They loved themselves.

They loved everything about themselves; Jacqueline would probably say they were super chill, and that’s certainly how they felt. They felt happy. And lovely. And cozy, funnily enough. They were good, and it made sense to Bernelle; after all, they had worked hard for themselves. Everything was more or less fine. 

Except for the slowly growing unease in their gut. They were unsettled; something was...unsettling them.

“Are you okay?” B’s voice spoke, Bernelle looking concerned.

“I...I don’t know,” Elle’s voice replied, Bernelle looking frightened now. “This is...oh boy. I don’t think I can--”

They didn’t even have time to figure out what exactly it was before they disappeared, a very confused Bernard and slightly shocked Elle sitting where they had just been.

“Um. Wow,” Elle said. “That was, uh, something.”

“You okay Elle?” B asked, her shocked expression worrying him.

“I--uh, yes, I’m alright. I--you know what, that is definitely a thing we should reserve for emergencies, you were totally right B. Would you look at that time?” she said suddenly, looking at her bare wrist. “I gotta go...do, things. I’ll, uh, catch you around. Later!” And with that, Elle left, as fast as the two of them had fused.

That unsettling feeling came back; Bernard was sure something was wrong, and he was very afraid it may have been him.

Bernard stared at the large french doors before taking a deep breath and knocking repeatedly very loud. The door flung open, a disgruntled half-frozen Jacqueline serving him with an icy look.

“I know the house is big but you only need to knock once, B-Man.”

“Is fusing with me weird?” Bernard blurted out in one breath, startling the sprite.

“I--what?”

“Is fusing with me weird. Is it unsettling? Has Berline been weird this whole time and I never even noticed it because I was the cause for the weirdness?”

“Have you been drinking?”

“No! I...” Bernard sighed, frustrated. “Can we talk?”

“I think we need to talk. You need to chill out. Berline is a badass, and it’s never been weird being Berline with you and I’d like to know where this line of thought came from. Wanna come in or would you prefer to walk?” 

“I dunno, I’m a little scatterbrained.”

“I noticed.” She pushed the door open, moving to the side and gesturing him in. “Let’s pack some cocoa and go for a stroll then, B-Man, and you can tell me all about what’s got you in such a huff.”

“You were right,” Bernard said, walking in and following the sprite to the kitchen. “That’s what’s got me in such a huff.”

“Right about what?”

“How deep of a connection and special of a thing fusion is.”

“I’d be grinning more, but I sense that this isn’t really a good thing right now.”

“Yes and no,” Bernard said, leaning against one of the walls of the yellow kitchen as Jacqueline dug around the cupboards for a thermos and two mugs. The hot chocolate was fresh, and not instant (he could tell by the smell)--the best kind of hot chocolate. “I guess I’ve always seen it as a deep bond, but never really realized it until now.”

“You fused with Elle,” Jacqueline said, realization dawning. “Holy snowballs, everything makes sense now! For the most part, that is. I thought fusing would be helpful for the two of you, and y’know, good.” Running a hand through her hair (freezing it properly in the process), she headed towards the backyard doors. “Instead, you’re having a meltdown on my front porch.”

“We’re in your kitchen, actually.”

“And now we’re in my backyard. Let’s walk, B, and you tell me about what happened.”

So they walked through the backyard, toward the Northern River, and Bernard told her what had happened. He told her how they had talked, then found themselves fused. He told her how great it felt to be Bernelle; how confident and happy they were.

“Bernelle sounds like the chillest dude ever,” Jacqueline remarked, stopping as they approached the river bank.

“That’s what they thought, too. But then something weird happened.” He took a seat beside Jacqueline, taking the mug of hot chocolate she offered him with a mumbled thanks. “There was this feeling of unease. I didn’t know why, so I asked Elle if she was okay and then...”

“And then I guess you defused, because of that unsettling feeling. What happened after that? Did Elle explain?”

“No, she didn’t.”

“Did you ask?”

“Of course! I asked if she was okay and she said that fusion was something and definitely something for emergencies then she looked at her wrong wrist, said she was late for a “thing” and left very fast.”

“That’s so Elle” Jacqueline mussed. “Did you go after her?”

“No. I got the sense she needed space and then wondered what it was that made her do that and thought what if it was me?” He got up and started pacing, Jacqueline watching him go back and forth.

“That’s so Bernard.”

“All she said was that she didn't think she could,” Bernard said, ignoring Jacqueline’s comment (for the most part).

“Could what?”

“She didn’t say! And I didn’t ask,” Bernard said, face palming. “I tried, but she left and...”

“And your crippling self-doubt kicked in and now here you are.”

“Yes and no. It kicked in slowly over a day or two.”

“Uh oh.”

“I spent the first day trying to figure what it was that unsettled her because everything felt fine to me, it felt great! I didn’t understand what it was and that’s when I realized, holy tinsel, it’s me, I’m the problem.”

“Awwh, Bernard...”

“I couldn’t figure it out! And She’s been scarce since--”

“--as Elle do--”

“--so my mind has been running, Jacqueline. She was so enthusiastic about fusing and now she’s suddenly approaching it with typical Elf thought. Did I do something wrong? Was it bad for her? What if she saw something in me that she didn’t like, or that scared her?”

“Holy fuck Bernard,” Jacqueline swore, her face shocked.

“You swore! This is real bad.”

“I’m surprised the source let me get away with that. Listen, you need to take a breather, okay? Just breath in...and hold it...and out...okay, good. Calm that big brain of yours down, my elf,” she finished, getting up and patting his head, stopping him in his tracks.

“Don’t do that.”

“That’s better, that’s the B-Man I know!”

“That’s why I came over,” he said, a tad calmer, face to face with the sprite. “I thought, well, who could possibly answer these questions for me since Elle is being Elle? And my first thought was you could, because you’re the only other person I have ever fused with.”

“Then trust me when I say this, B. There is nothing wrong with you. Fusing with you is not weird, and there’s nothing bad or “dark” in you, you blizzard brain. I’ve known you all my life,” she said, squishing his face. “There is nothing wrong with you. Got that?”

Bernard nodded. “Can you let go of my face now?”

“Yeah, sure.” she let go, returning to her seat and topping off the mugs, passing the now seated Bernard a fresh cup. “In regards to Berline, by the way, if anything would make them feel unsettled I would assume it would be me and my very deep dark fears.”

Bernard snorted. “Jacqueline, I’ve watched you grow up. Your fears are justified and perfectly understandable, all things considered. Why would they make me unsettled?”

“Exactly,” Jacqueline said. “So why would you make Elle unsettled? After all the work the two of you did just to be together, and the way you guys are together, why would she be afraid of you?”

“I...okay, I see your point.”

Jacqueline smiled. “Good.”

“I guess I’d have to talk to her to really figure it out. But talking to you has been very reassuring. Thank you, Jacqueline.”

“It’s the least I could do, considering how many times I’ve had to go talk to you throughout my entire life.”

Bernard smiled. “Yeah, I guess so. The problem now is talking to Elle. I don’t want to hound her to try to talk when she doesn’t feel like talking, you know? I want to talk to her when she’s ready to talk about what exactly it was that upset her.”

Jacqueline nodded. “Noble of you, B-Man. Do you want me to talk to her?”

“Would you? It would be a lot easier if I had a sense of what she was thinking. She’s been keeping her thoughts close and I don’t want to disrespect her by intruding.”

“Absolutely, considering she just reached out to me and asked to talk. I better get going,” Jacqueline said, capping the thermos and getting up, stretching. “You all good now, or do you want to talk more? I haven’t made a solid plan with the kid yet.”

Bernard got up, thoughtful. “No, I think I’m okay now.”

“Good. If you aren’t though, you know where to find me, for the most part. Oh and B-Man, one more thing.”

“Yeah?”

“If your new take on fusion makes Berline weird, I will end you.”

Bernard laughed. “I don’t doubt that for a second. Don’t worry though, I promise I won’t make anything weird, Berline wise.”

“Good. Now let’s get back so you can get going and we can see what Elle’s thoughts are on this whole thing.”

“Sounds good,” B said, getting up and following Jacqueline back up into the forest, towards the backyard of Frost Manor.

Are you busy? Elle had blurted out suddenly, towards the consciousness that was her snowy friend. The immediate reply was shocking.

I’m finishing up with something that came up. Why do you ask?

We need to talk.

There was a brief silence before she got a reply. Am I in trouble?

Elle didn’t really know how to answer it. Maybe, she shot back, scowling at her work. Can you come down to see me?

...depends. It’s a little too close to late November for my liking.

Elle was briefly confused before she realized what Jacquie meant. He’s not around, I promise. 

I’ll be there just before dinner then. Tell me if anything changes?

Whether that meant if something came up for Elle, or if another particularly snowy (though Elle would call him more icy, really) persona made an appearance, Elle wasn’t sure. Either way though, she would warn her friend.

Yeah, sure snow buddy.

Cool, I’ll see you in a bit.

Jacqueline went silent, leaving Elle to her own distressed thoughts for the rest of the day. She was relieved when 5 o’clock rolled around and Jacqueline appeared in her flat, right on the softest of her couches.

“Hey Elle, how’s it going,” Jacqueline asked, drawing out the "o". 

“Horrible,” Elle blurted, plopping down beside her friend on the couch. 

“I had a feeling that would be the answer.” Jacqueline scooted closer, legs folded, and grabbed the nearest throw, bundling. “Well I’m cozy, let’s hear what’s got your mind in such a mess.” She grabbed another throw and tossed it on Elle.

“Bernard and I fused and it was...” she searched for the word.

“Different?”

“No.”

“Not what you expected?”

“Closer.”

“Overwhelming?” Jacqueline asked.

“I think a good word would be...enlightening?”

“Well that’s good!”

“But also terrifying.”

“That’s less good. Was it bad then?”

“No! It was great. Holy heck the confidence? And the love? It was all...great,” she said, smiling softly. “The thing is, it was a lot more than I expected it to be and. I didn’t realize when you said that the fusion knows everything each counterpart knows, all of the thoughts and feelings of each other, everything, that it was literally everything!” 

“Was that verbatim?”

“I have a really good memory, Jacqueline.”

“Dang.”

“That’s what made it so terrifying. At first, it was so cool, but then I realized that I knew everything he was thinking and feeling, which meant that he knew everything I was thinking and feeling!”

“I would’ve assumed with your telepathy and all that it wouldn’t have been that big of a deal. You’ve thrown me here, kid.”

“With telepathy, I can hear other people’s thoughts if they want me to. With fusion, I can hear the thoughts and feelings whether the other person I’m fusing with wants me to, or not. And on top of that, they can hear my thoughts too! And feelings! Whether I want them to...or not.”

“Ah,” Jacqueline said, understanding dawning. “I get it now. It’s out of you depth, the extent at which the connection with fusion goes.”

“What?”

“Sorry, bad word choice. Um...the fusion connection is deeper than your mental connections even are, is what I was trying to say.”

“Yes! It is! It’s like... I can’t control what’s coming out and that’s super worrying, Jacquie. What if...what if there’s something I’ve been holding back, and it slips out, and it’s a bad thing? I dunno Jacquie...you’re the fusion expert, what should I do? How do you deal with that part of fusion?”

“I’ll add that to the list under Queen of Subtlety and Shitty Winter Child and what did you call me the other day? a Frosty Bagel?”

Elle laughed. “Yup.”

Jacqueline rolled her eyes, smiling nonetheless. “What have you done about it so far? Let’s start there.”

“Well...not much, I guess. B asked me what was wrong but I honestly had no answer. I was just...terrified. Trying to make sense of what had just happened. So I...I left as quick as I possibly could and spent the past two days avoiding B and also overthinking like you wouldn’t believe.”

“Oh, I believe it.”

“I’m not in control when we fuse and I don’t like it! I don’t like not being in control of my own mind.”

“I know, kiddo. I know,” Jacquie said softly, squeezing her shoulder. Elle shot her a grateful smile. “The thing is, with fusion...it’s not like it’s a giant jaeger where you control one side and B controls the other side.”

“Is that not exactly what it is?”

“Not quite. It’s more like the drift than the actual jaeger itself. That is, if the drift became a person.”

Elle paused. “I think I see what you’re saying.”

“When you are part of a fusion, you don’t have control. Nor does your fusion partner. Your fusion has control. You become one person. You catch my drift?”

“Did you actually just pun?”

“Shit, I didn’t even notice. I’m turning into Blaise, good grief.” 

Elle laughed, leaning her head on Jacqueline’s shoulder. She sighed. “What do you think I should do, then?”

“I think you should just trust B-Man. Trust yourself, and most importantly, trust your fusion."

“Their name is Bernelle.”

“That sounds cozy, I love it.”

“Me too,” Elle replied, smiling.

“You need to just let Bernelle be.”

“You’ll need to elaborate, pal.”

Jacqueline looked thoughtful for a moment. “Trust Bernelle. Let Bernelle be Bernelle! They’re not Bernard, and they’re not Elle. They’re an experience that the both of you create. Make sure it’s a good one, Elle.” 

Jacqueline thought her chat with both Elle and Bernard had been very helpful, and that they would talk it out and realize that they both were fearing the same things. She knew that the moment they did that, it would clear up a lot for the both of them and Bernelle could once again appear.

Jacqueline, however, had forgotten that this was Elle and Bernard she was talking about.

That’s why, one or two days later, she found herself quite literally ghosting the two of them in the Workshop. She was carefully guarding her thoughts from Elle as she watched from a distance, invisible some of the time or coating a window in a lovely layer of frost the rest of the time. Elle had stopped avoiding Bernard, which was good. And it looked like he had stopped overthinking and was simply waiting.

That was the problem, Jacqueline found. They were both waiting. And Jacqueline could guess exactly why, seeing as how she liked to think these two elven dorks were her best friends and that by this logic, she knew them both fairly well. 

Bernard was waiting for Elle to be ready to talk; he didn’t want to push her. Elle was waiting for him to start, as she was feeling a little out of her depth and didn't want to push him.

Of course Jacqueline had thought of appearing and shoving them together and shouting “TALK” really loudly, but that would cause a scene that both elves would not appreciate. Elves, Jacqueline thought, sighing quietly. So what could she do? She wasn’t an expert in the fusion department, especially a case as special as Bernard and Elle’s. She wasn’t a love expert!

But she knew somebody who was. 

With a grin, Jacqueline poofed out of the Workshop silently and reappeared outside the Dome, where she took off up into the clouds.

It was chilly up in the Pantheon, as the Roman gods and goddesses referred to their cloudy home (despite contrary belief, they did not reside on Olympus as the Greek deities did and, well, they never got along well enough to occupy the same space, especially with how much their cultures differed). Jacqueline didn’t mind it; she never did, the few times she actually trekked up to the Pantheon.

Finding Cupid’s villa was always a bit of a hassle, especially when she wanted to avoid the other deities that may be roaming around the suspended streets (which was usually the case). Dealing with Cupid would be enough.

She ducked down beneath the clouds, finding the one shaped like a heart to confirm that she had gotten to the right villa. The moment she saw it, she zoomed through the clouds and stood on the front step, knocking as loud and hard as she could.

“Any louder,” a familiar grumpy voice said, Jacqueline nearly groaning as Cupid appeared in the doorway, a little surprised. “Jacqueline?”

“Hi Cupid,” she said, briefly waving before realizing that was silly and putting her hands behind her back. “Is, uh, Dite home? I need to talk to her about a thing.”

Cupid looked relived. “Yeah, of course, C’mon in, Miss Frost.”

“Thanks,” Jacqueline said, following him in. Immediately a group of cherubs swarmed him, all talking at once. “Where can I find her? You seem busy here, I don’t want to distract you or anything.”

“Second room to the left,” Cupid said, zooming off into the atrium, bickering with the cherubs.

“Thanks!” she shouted back, making her way to the room. “Knock-knock,” she said quietly.

“Jacqueline!” Dite said, sitting up quickly. 

“Were you on the floor?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“My wings were being stubborn,” she said, her feathers rumpled. “The chaise was not comfortable for us today.” She ruffled her wings and sat on the edge, making sure that they weren’t touching the back of the lounge at all. “You look distraught. What’s wrong? Is it a love problem?” she asked, grinning, her wings fluttering excitedly.

“It is! But not with me,” Jacqueline said, sitting beside her friend. “It’s with Bernard and Elle.”

“What? I thought that was going well!”

“It is! Well. For the most part. Long story or short story?”

“Hmm...” the blonde looked thoughtful for a moment. “Let’s hear a summary, then give me all the deets,” she said, scooting closer and grabbing Jacqueline’s hands.

“Elle and B fused after a lot of talking about it and some solid advice from Berline and it did not go as well as it could of.”

“Okay, wow, that’s definitely a problem. Though I don't quite understand why you're here. I can’t fuse myself; I’m not fae, I’m a celestial.”

“Right, but you and I have fused a few times.”

“I don’t think that qualifies me as an expert.”

“Maybe not, but you are a love expert. Here’s the jist of it,” Jacqueline said, launching into her tale. Dite listened intently as Jacqueline told her about Elle and Berline’s conversation, what Jacqueline had learnt from both elves had transpired when they formed Bernelle. She paid doubly close attention to the advice Jacqueline had given them, already beginning to see the problem the two were having.

“That was stellar advice,” Dite interrupted. 

“I know! That’s when I realized it was fast getting into love territory, to be honest. It seems straightforward to me--they just need to talk. But they just...aren’t! They’re not avoiding each other anymore which is great, but they also aren’t talking about the Bernelle thing, you know? I don’t want to force them to talk so I’m at a loss and that’s why I came here.”

“I don’t think we need to force them,” Dite said, deciding immediately that she was going to fix this right now. “I think they just need some outside perspective...maybe a nudge in the right direction. If someone else starts the discussion, then neither has to worry about making the first move. Hmm...” Dite rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “You’ve convinced me Jacqueline, I’m going to go talk to them.”

“I've done what now? You’re going to talk to them?”

Dite stood up, her wings already unfurled in anticipation. “Of course. This is driving you nutty, Jacqueline, and they can’t say no when a love goddess goes to them and suggests that they talk.”

“You’ll help them? You'd really do that for me?” Jacqueline asked, standing up.

“Yes! Of course!”

“Oh, thank you so much Dite, they’ve been driving me up the wall,” Jacqueline threw her arms around the goddess, a very big grin on her face.

Dite laughed, “You’re very welcome,” she said, hugging back tightly. There was a very bright lilac light suddenly and both girls disappeared, leaving one rather large winged fusion in their place.

“Alright, looks like we’re doing this together,” she said, grinning. With an experimental flap of her wings, she flew off, her sights set on the North Pole.

The Workshop doors burst open, a large gust of wind ruffling the robes of the very large figure in the doorway. A few elves went flying.

“Oh dear, I’m so sorry,” she said, catching the elves before they hit the ground. “I forget how fast I fly.”

“For the love of tinsel,” Curtis said, righting himself up. “Another one?”

“There’s another fusion floating around? Oh, is it Bernelle? I need to talk to them! It's important!”

“No! You’re the only fusion floating around. I've just seen way too many of you this month alone. It’s a good thing the ceiling is so high,” Curtis mumbled as an afterthought. "I don't think fusions would fit in the Elfirmiry."

“High ceilings really are lovely! It gives the impression of crazy amounts of space, makes it breathable, and makes it less claustrophobic."

“Okay...who exactly are you?”

The fusion stood up to her full height, her curly ponytail bobbing a bit. “My name is Diteline and it is very important that I talk to your two head elves right now immediately,” she said.

“Are they in trouble?” asked another elf.

“They will be if I don’t talk to them.”

“What about?”

“It’s a matter of love! And my sanity.”

“What’s the panic--oh my.”

“Elle! That’s one of you! Hi!”

“You’re huge!”

“Thank you!” she grinned. “You are so tiny and fragile compared to me. Holy snowballs I did not realize how HUGE I am! I could crush you,” she said, as if the realization that she could in fact destroy Elle very easily was an unexpected plot twist in your favourite book that shook you to your core, making you stop for ten minutes to stare blankly and think ‘what on earth just happened’.

“Are you okay?”

“I worry about small groups of people a lot. Humans, elves, tiny woodland creatures...” she ticked each off on her fingers as she listed them.

“O...kay,” Elle paused. “I’m sorry, who are you?”

“Diteline! And I need to talk to--”

“We know!” Curtis shouted. “You need to talk to Elle and Bernard right now immediately.”

“Yes! Thank you! What a nice boy,” she said, patting his head.

“Boy? I have glasses older than you!”

“No you don’t,” Diteline said, glaring at him. “I’m old as heck.” she cleared her throat and knelt down, sitting on her knees and staring at Elle closely. “Do you and Bernard have some time on your hands? The sooner I grab you two, the sooner we can get outside and the elves can stop panicking.”

“I’ll take care of that now,” Elle said, beginning to project calm feelings as best as she could--Diteline had thrown her off completely. 

“Back to work, elves,” Bernard said, entering the room and quickly noticing Diteline in the middle of the doorway. “There’s no emergency, Diteline just likes to...”

“Help young lovers in need,” she supplied. The elves around them giggled, rushing back to work after noticing Bernard’s glare. He marched over to the girls, craning his neck and glaring at Diteline. 

“What are you doing here?” he whisper yelled. “You know how the elves get around fusions.”

“Okay well this is a bit of an emergency,” Diteline said. "And judging by the giggling children, one that we definitely need to resolve right now!"

“This is Jacqueline and Dite’s fusion, Diteline,” Bernard began, answering Elle’s silent question. “I’m assuming she’s here because Jacqueline went to talk to Dite and Dite, of course, decided to pay us a visit,” he said, rubbing his temples. "And I guess sometime between there and here, they fused. And you know full well they are elves, Diteline. Not children."

“Well yes, once Jacqueline told Dite about the two of you still avoiding each other after that beautiful advice she gave, I couldn’t not come see you guys.” her face fell and she looked genuinely hurt. “You two are so sweet together and it kills me to know that you aren’t talking about something as big as fusion!”

“I was waiting on Bernard!” Elle said. “I didn’t want to just bring it up out of the blue since, y’know, that’s all I’ve been doing for a good portion of the year.”

“I was...I was waiting on you,” Bernard said, his annoyance with the fusion in front of them gone. “I didn’t want to talk if you weren’t ready.”

“This is going better than I expected,” Diteline said.

“What were you expecting?” Bernard asked dryly.

“A lot of silence. I thought I would have to hurtle through the Workshop, find the two of you, grab you both in my fists and take you somewhere nice for a teary confession that results in hugs and maybe kisses and a closer bond and my heart not breaking at the thought of the two of you not talking because of something as lovely as this!” She said, gesturing to herself. “I mean fusion, by the way. I’m lovely but I am referring to fusion.”

“I think I understand what Berline said about Diteline being too much at times,” Elle said.

“I’m a helpless romantic, what can I say,” Diteline replied. “I suppose the two of you are ready to talk to each other then?”

“Are you?” Bernard asked.

“I was about to ask you,” Elle replied.

“That’s a yes!” Diteline said, grabbing the two elves in her hands and bringing them up to her face. “Let’s go somewhere a little less busy?”

“Yeah, I think you’ve done enough damage here,” Bernard said.

“I’m just trying to help!”

“We know this,” Elle said, gently patting her wrist. “And we appreciate it. Maybe knock next time? Or give me a heads up?”

“I was in a rush,” Diteline said, blushing. “The thought did not occur to me, and yes, I know how ironic that is,” she smiled. “Now do you two want to stay in the Pole? Or is it okay if we go somewhere with more room? I don’t want to squish anyone accidentally that would be awful! Like crushing a snail,” she said, paling considerably and looking close to tears. “You are all so tiny.”

“Yes, it’s fine if we go somewhere else. Please don’t cry, you won’t squish any snails here, I promise. Or Elves,” Bernard said. 

"Okay, alright." She took a breather, composing herself once more. "Let's go make love happen! I know the perfect place to talk! To avoid squishing these children--Elves, sorry, but they look like kids! Especially to me! I'm huge!--we'll just pop on over there quickly. Hang on tight, I don't normally teleport, let alone with multiple people, so this may be a bit bumpy!"

And before either elf could protest, Diteline disappeared in a burst of lilac sparks.

Much to the relief of all three of them, they arrived at Diteline’s perfect place all in one piece. She knelt down once more, placing the elves down gently and folding her hands in her lap, smoothing over her lilac dress. Or robes; it was a weird cross between Dite’s stola and Jacqueline's dress and Diteline wasn’t sure what exactly to call it.

"This is a beautiful place," Elle said, looking around. The grass was dark and soft, fireflies floating up and down gently. Crickets sung in the dusk, a light breeze gently moving the branches of the flowered trees around them. "Where are we?"

"We're at the Springs, of course! The temperature around the entirety of the Springs keeps everything around us lush and soft and lovely. It's a very nice area. Dare I say it, even a little bit romantic. I picnic here all the time during the day!"

"Do you now?" Elle asked, a knowing smile on her face.

The fusion blushed. "You stop that, Ellington. Now then, take a seat, make yourselves comfortable. Let's talk."

"I--"

"Listen--"

Diteline giggled, the two elves once again cutting themselves off. Bernard smiled sheepishly; Elle sighed. "This again."

"We're a mess," Bernard said, smiling.

"But when aren't we?" Elle replied, smiling as well. "I know, most of the time we aren't."

"I like to think so. And you should too. I'm...sorry about what happened. I should've talked to you after I talked to Jacqueline but I didn't want to push you."

"I didn't want to push you, either," Elle said. "Otherwise I would have gone to talk to you after I talked to Jacqueline. I can't believe we both did that."

"I can't either," Diteline said, in a very Jacquie way. She was staring intently at her hands, threading some nearby flowers together. "Oh please, don't mind me; I'm trying to distract myself so I don't mess up your talk."

"That's very considerate," Bernard said.

"I try," she replied.

"Right," he said, sarcastically, thinking back to her sudden appearance at the workshop. Elle laughed. "Listen Elle, I'm sorry that that happened the way it did. And I'm sorry that it freaked you out."

"Don't apologize, B. I'm the one who's sorry. I was pushing it and when it happened, I freaked out. I just...I didn't expect the bond to be as deep as it was. I could see all of your thoughts and feelings and everything, and you mine...whether I wanted to or not. It was strange to not be in control of my own thoughts. Terrifying, even. that's why I left as suddenly as I did. It scared me and all I could think was what if you saw something bad in me? What if I was trying to hide something, and it slipped out? I panicked."

Bernard laughed. "Elle. I could never see anything bad in you. I love you! I chased you across a whole other timeline! We've been through a lot and if that didn't stop me, then something bad about you wouldn't deter me from being with you."

"Really?"

"We've been through this much and made it this far together so yeah, really. I can't believe we were thinking the same thing. I thought that maybe you had seen something bad in me!"

"Something bad? In you? Oh, please. You're probably one of the nicest people I know, B. I could never see something bad in you! I love you!"

There was a brief silence before the giggles started. Soon, both Elle and B were laughing very hard.

"I honestly cannot believe how perfect for each other the two of you are," Diteline said, smiling as the laughter subsided.

"That makes two of us," Bernard said.

"Three, even," Elle added.

"I would never disrespect your thoughts or feelings, Elle. I want you to know that, and remember that. Fusion or no."

Elle smiled. Reaching over, she hugged B. “Thank you,” she said. 

He pulled her close, squeezing her tightly. “You’re welcome, Elle.”

What happened next happened very fast. There was a bright light as the two elves disappeared. Diteline screamed and jumped up, wings fluttering excitedly. Finally the light died down and Bernelle sat on the ground, blinking slowly.

“You guys DID IT!” Diteline shouted, now hovering. She plopped the flower crown she had made on their head. It was a funny sight, considering Bernard’s beret was taking up residence on their head.

“We did? We did. I’m back!” Bernelle grinned. 

“And how are you feeling?”

“Not uneasy!”

“I’m so excited I’m gonna fall apart, I’m so happy you’re here!” Diteline squealed, hugging the fusion tightly.

“Thanks Diteline but could you put me down, I can’t breath.”

“Oh, I am so sorry! Look at that, even fused you are still so small. I’ll have to watch my strength around you! Oh, isn’t this delightful? I really am gonna fall apart!”

Bernelle lay back in the grass, eyes closed and content. “I’m here.” they said.

“Now you just gotta get use to being here,” Diteline said quietly, faintly glowing.

“You weren’t joking about falling apart!”

“I’m barely keeping it together, I’m just so happy for you two! You should take a vacation, by the way. Stay here at the Springs! Explore! Get use to existing! It would do wonders for your stress you know.”

Bernelle looked thoughtful. “Hmm. Part of me likes that idea, another part of me is low key concerned about that idea. Every time I leave the Workshop, something nutty always happens.”

“Think about it,” Diteline said. “I think it’ll be perfect. Just like you two,” she finished, booping their nose and winking before disappearing in a bright light. In her place now hovered Dite, a grin so wide on her face that Bernelle was seriously concerned about it splitting open. She held Jacqueline bridal style in her arms and was, in fact, screaming, Bernelle realized.

“You two did it! Look at you I am so excited Jacqueline, look!” Dite said throwing her up in the air and catching her.

“I’m looking! I see! Nice to meet you, Bernelle,” Jacqueline winked, now being hugged very tight by a still squealing Dite.

“Thanks for your help, Jacquie,” Bernelle said, smiling. “I’m not sure I’d be here if you hadn’t listened to both parts of me.

“It’s what I do! Best friend privileges and all,” she winked, still being hugged tightly by a very excited Dite.

“Is she gonna be okay?”

“Just give her a moment.”

Finally Dite calmed down, still smiling very big. “You two really are one of our best matches,” Dite said. “I’m glad you worked it out. I need to celebrate. We need to celebrate Jacqueline, do you wanna get ice cream?”

“When do I not?”

“What about you, Bernelle?”

“I think I’m gonna stick around here and do some thinking. About that whole vacation thing. I mean, it could be a real great thing for me, you’re both right.”

“Suit yourself,” Jacqueline shrugged. “I’ll eat enough ice cream for the two of us.”

Bernelle laughed, waving at the sprite and the goddess as they flew away, Dite dragging Jacqueline by the arm.

They listened to the crickets and lay in silence for a while, the far off rushing of water from the springs reaching their ears as they thought about what Diteline had said.

“A vacation...hmmm...”

It only took a little convincing on Elle’s part once the two got back to the Workshop a few hours later, the realization of how long they had been gone causing them to defuse and rush back. Santa gave them the all clear and, leaving Curtis in charge (after much deliberation, all things considered), the two set off for Crystal Springs, where Bernelle got to get their own celebratory ice cream.

It was a nice vacation, seeing the sights and just being together. Diteline was right; it really did do wonders for their stress levels. Everything was going fine until Christmas Eve, when Bernelle felt a shiver run down their back and a shift as if something...odd had just transpired.

That’s when Judy had appeared with the news and Bernelle nearly fell apart out of surprise.

Someone had used the Escape Clause; and it wasn’t Santa.

(BERNELLE LIVES! That’s the alternate title for Fusion AU part 3! Thanks again to the Ana bean for reading over the bernelle bits to make sure it all works well!!! I’m happy I got to unleash Dite on everyone, AND Jacqueline acting her age, AND DITELINE!!! Isn’t she lovely? Anyway please let me know what you thought I live for feedback! 

Up next: The Triumphant Return of Jackie Frost, Fusion AU Pt. IV >:D)

[tiredhungryhorny]

y'all i just gotta rant real quick on here bc i hate bothering people so just scroll on past pal i'm really exhausted in regards to the whole being an adult thing. today is my day off work and i'm trying to get some shit done and it's just one thing after another in this dumb old house i moved into. i should've asked more questions when house hunting i should've had someone else with me ive rented like four places but i still don't know what i'm doing and i think i made a mistake here. it's been a week and i'm still trying to figure everything out what the hell. first the wifi is a whole fucking thing to try and set up bc this old house doesn't have the right outlets for it so i have to do the whole powerline adapter garbage i don't even know the diff between a router and a modem like what the hell is ethernet what's a coaxial cable what the fuck is all this and i still gotta call the company to set up my internet shit which is gonna be another $30 a month and then the fucking gas guy comes to turn on my gas for the stove and he says the whole oven/stove is in bad shape and that i gotta put in the work oder to the landlord to get a whole new one and that means i still can't cook for another week or two or however long AND ANOTHER THING feel nervous about my job bc i'm starting training for a new position and i just got the hang of the old position and some of these ppl who've worked here for a year or two are younger than me and just make me feel so fucking dumb and i don't even socialize well with them AND ALSO i'm realizing that i have like a year of school left before i graduate i've started stressing about what i'm going to do!! like what kind of job will i get what kind of job do i even want what can i fucking offer the world i should get an internship this year but how do i balance an internship with work and with classes maybe i should do an internship over summer or take less classes next spring and do it then and when i graduate am i gonna be stuck in some old fucking broken house for another year trying to make money and save money in order to move i def won't be able to just move away immediately after i graduate i probably won't even find a job in my field i'm so fucking stressed i think about the fact that i would be done with school by now if i just stayed at ucf and stuck with business school even though i was miserable have i told you guys that i still get phone calls from recruiters in orlando that want to offer me marketing and sales and management jobs and internships bc they think i still live there and that i graduated business school and it's so heartbreaking to feel like a giant adult baby that's behind on everything in her life and can't make decisions on shit or commit to anything i literally feel like such trash AND IM USING MY DATA TO TYPE THIS TUMBLR GARBAGE BC I STILL DONT HAVE FUCKING WIFI IN THIS DUMB OLD HOUSE. i just wanna go back to bed but i fucking can't bc i'm waiting on a call from my landlord i wanna cry nothing makes me laugh anymore i keep doing that bullshit "that's so funny" when talking to someone bc i just don't laugh i don't enjoy anything i feel like a fuckign ugly slug ive seen like two friends in the past week im not even getting the hours i want at work and i wanna crawl into a cave and hide for 7 years g o o d b y e

[saintkimora]

ok here is how my dates went yesterday and the other day. the one from the other day was REALLY bad but the one yesterday was good

ok so first ill start w the one from wednesday. so caleb was supposed to come over and hang out but he called me to change the plans at the last minute so i had to rush to get ready bc he had some things to do tonight and wanted me to come along. so i was like ok. so he picked me up and first he had to go back to the job he just left (the supermarket one) bc he forgot something there. so i went and he had me go in w him and i had to meet 2 of his coworker friends. then he had to go to his waffle job to make waffles and he said it would be like 30 min max so i was just waiting in the car. it turned out to be like an hour instead. then at one point he made me come in bc he said his boss wanted to meet me so i had to meet her too. he got me a waffle and wrote “Perry <3″ on the box (an actual heart though not the sideways one) which was cute but like they dont use utensils at that store apparently so i had to wait bc i wasnt about to eat that waffle with my hands and get all sticky

then after that he decided to pick up his best friend leann. so she got in and she was v nice. then we had to go to his waffle job friend natures house bc she was in a car accident so he was checking on her and giving her some waffles. so i met nature and her friend who was taking care of her. there were 2 couches so nature and her friend sat on one and caleb sat on the other. there was a giant teddy bear on that couch so i had nowhere to sit but nature was like “just move the teddy bear” but then caleb was like no and made me sit on his lap which was soooooooooooooooooooo awkward i was just sitting on his lap while he was talking to his friend

then we left and got back in the car and caleb decided we should go to applebees bc of course he just had to add food in to the situation too. the convos in the car were mostly bw him and leann bc i wasnt being very talkative obv. so then we got to applebees and this is where the real trouble started. sitting down and eating with a complete stranger is just...a no from me. it was sooooooo awkward and uncomfortable bc i like completely shut down i was barely saying anything i only ever said like one word answers if someone directly asked me a question. i didnt order anything bc i just had dinner like 2 hours ago but even if i didnt i was not about to eat in that setting. and i felt sooooooooooo bad bc caleb was trying so hard to make conversation and pull me into the discussions but i just could not do it. i wanted it to be over so bad

so then we left and dropped leann off at her home and then caleb was driving me home. and i was being super quiet and distant and he kept asking me if i was ok and i was like yeah im fine and i was like shifting my body to face away from him and i was just staring out the window whereas usually when im with him in the car im looking at him and talking to him. so we were like a few blocks away from my house and he asked me if i was ok again and i was like im fine which was super unconvincing bc my voice was like quivering and i was like blinking back tears at this point. so i was like actually can you pull over for a second bc i want to talk to you about something. this is where the drama REALLY started. 

so. i like apologized for not being very sociable tonight and i felt like i let him down and i started crying bc i thought i like ruined our relationship and i was afraid i was gonna lose him after not even a week and i was just so upset and disappointed with myself. so ya i was like breaking down and sharing all my feelings w him and he was like comforting and reassuring me which was nice and he told me if my anxiety is acting up like that again i can just text him or something and he’ll get me out of the situation. and he apologized bc he is v social so he didnt know that like all of this stuff was so draining for me. and then we hugged and it was like the best hug ever since it was so like emotionally charged on my part.

so then he pulled up in front of my house and he was like “you know its not that late, you dont have to go home” which was nice enough but also kinda stupid bc like hello the last thing i want rn is to go out to some other public place. but i asked him if he could come in and stay with me for a little while so he was like sure. so he came in and he just like cuddled me and comforted me and stuff for like an hour and a half. it was v nice. then when i was walking him back to his car i thanked him again for being so nice and understanding and stuff and then he left. so obv the majority of the date was awful but from the point of my breakdown in the car to the end it was v nice, esp since ive never even like talked to anyone that much about my anxiety except for my therapist. and like obv i wasnt happy at the point when i was crying bc i was so upset but at the same time it actually felt kinda good bc being completely open and honest about my feelings was v liberating. then after he left i was happy and i ate the waffle he gave me and it was p good but i like almost started crying again when i was looking at the “Perry <3″ on the box bc i was getting emotional but i had to stop myself bc i did not want to ruin my good mood

so that was on wednesday. then on thursday he was supposed to come over again but instead he picked me up and first he had to drop off waffles for his brother and niece (i stayed in the car this time though). then we were driving around trying to figure out what to do which was difficult bc i am not a decisive person at all. eventually he decided to go to applebees (it was a different one though). so we ate there but it was just the two of us this time and it was way easier for me obv. he was being super cute as usual and i was actually able to talk to him this time. and it was my first time actually going out for a date that like wasnt at me or the other guys house so that was fun. and since it was applebees again i felt like the date had like a redemption aspect to it. 

then after the date we went back to my house and were just laying around cuddling again but this time he fell asleep. he was sleeping on me for like 4 and a half hours while i was watching tv. i actually enjoyed it a lot bc i loved having him sleep on me and he woke up a few times and seeing him all like sleepy and stuff was so cute.and i got to play with his hair a lot too. he left at like 4:30am so yeah this was a much more successful date than yesterday

it wasnt all good though. first of all even though i wasnt having difficulty talking to him for anxiety reasons i could tell i was still lacking in the personality department as usual. so i was starting to feel bad about that bc like i just cant be the sociable big personality boyfriend that he wants me to be so that was making me sad. the other bad thing was that before we got there he was like “hey can we pick up leann so she can be with us too?” i was like “absolutely not” like are you SERIOUS???? did you not learn anything from last night????????? its not like trying again one day later is gonna make any difference! i thought he was joking at first i could not believe it. so yeah those were the 2 bad things from an otherwise great night

[diedsaving-moved-blog]

HEADCANON o12.  Let’s talk about Frank.

So clearly Frank Whathisname was terrible.  He was a SHIT guardian -- physically, mentally, & emotionally abusive.  an alcoholic.  controlling.  etc, etc.  He just wasn’t someone that should have been left to care for two young boys & that’s the bottom line.  I, personally, have a HUGE issue with the idea that Winona just up & left her kids with someone like him at the first available opportunity.  and i really have an issue with the idea ( presented in the comics ) that Frank provided a home for Winona & Jim & that Winona dismissed his behavior, told Jim to tolerate it because of that bc I have a HUGE issue with the idea that Winona would settle for someone who didn’t treat her with the utmost respect & care for her boys like they were his own.  so I do not support the whole step father thing.  I don’t even consider Frank a relative. 

there was always something a little off about him, but over all he appeared to be harmless.  he was a trusted farmhand to grandpa tiberius & gramma kirk who took on more & more responsibility as they grew older.  so the boys knew him, they spent their early years / childhood around him.  he always seemed to hold them at arm’s length, nor was he overly warm towards them, but he was never harsh.  he indulged their curiosities, didn’t mind too much if they followed him around as long as they didn’t directly get his in way as he went about daily chores or he repaired machinery or walked the fields.  he was simply someone who was always around since winona + the boys lived on the farm with george’s parents, & he earned the ‘uncle frank’ moniker because of that.

once winona made the difficult decision to return to work with starfleet ( where she was then stationed on tarsus iv as per the autobiography of james t kirk ) just before jim’s 9th birthday, the boys were only entrusted to frank’s care AFTER both grandparents had passed, which they did within months of each other. ( grandpa tiberius passed away due to the health complications that come with old age in the spring of 2243.  gramma kirk slipped away peacefully in her sleep later that year in november. )  & even then winona’s initial decision to remain off planet & keep the boys on earth was due to the time of year -- moving the boys would have disrupted their schooling.  the plan was for them to finish out the school year & join winona on tarsus during the summer break so they could adjust, & frank had been more than willing to accommodate, to stay on & maintain the farm through the winter & spring while caring for the boys.

so, really, the boys were only on their own with frank for a matter of months -- 6-9 months, max. which hardly made their experience with him & that chapter of their life okay, but it wasn’t as if they spent years alone with him while winona went on her merry way as some like to think, though it may have felt like it to jim & sam.  due to gramma kirk’s age, frank had essentially served as a primary caretaker for longer than the few months he spent alone with the boys.  his abuse was more subtle then, if only because gramma kirk was still alive & wouldn’t have stood for it -- meaning, frank would have been out of a steady job & income; if he was motivated by anything, it was that.  so it started quietly enough -- berating the boys for simple things like hiding frogs they caught in the quarry, verbally harassing them when they asked for permission to go to a friend’s house, etc.

once on his own without gramma kirk there, frank was high on the authority he was afforded, & the stress of responsibility ( the farm + two boys ) wasn’t something he handled very well. his outlet for that was alcohol & governing the boys.  he became increasingly strict with them impossibly so -- even before both the kirk grandparents had passed -- & volatile towards them. though a good student & pleasant child, jim was punished for the struggles he experienced with both ADHD & dyslexia to the point he was scared shitless to do anything BUT succeed. adolescent sam was governed with an iron fist. winona KNEW something was wrong, but with her hands tied behind her back by being lightyears away as she helped to establish a colony, there wasn’t much she could do.

of course that changed when shit hit the fan.  sam tried to run off & jim drove a car into the quarry at 11 -- all just before they were supposed to move during the summer months.  school be damned, winona arranged for jim to come to tarsus immediately while she pulled strings to get sam enrolled in a biology course at the university of chicago that he’d been interested in. sam never returned to iowa while jim wasn’t so lucky.  after pronounced fully recovered from tarsus at 15 ( he lived on tarsus from 11-14.  he was 13 at the time of the massacre. ), he encouraged his mom to return to work though he wanted nothing more than for her to stay with him ( because he wasn’t ready to go back off world -- he was terrified to do just that ).  as a minor, jim couldn’t stay on his own, attend school & run a farm, & like a shark sensing the blood in the water, frank wormed his way back into the picture.  jim dealt with the abuse frank dolled out -- often fighting back -- & hid it from his mom best he could.  ( though she always knew that something was wrong.  she watched him unravel right in front of her eyes. )  doing so wore on him, beat him down until he became the bitter, upset, angry, & difficult kid with authority issues & a chip on his shoulder the size of jupiter, a town drunk & local screw up by the young age of twenty, but that was better than admitting everything to his mom & causing her more grief though his refusal to break down & ask for help strained their relationship; the more he insisted he was fine, the more he thought he was protecting his mom & protecting her was the only kind of control he felt like he had so he CLUNG to it while letting the alcohol, the bar fights, the drugs dull the pain & struggle.

the years went on.  jim finally left iowa for starfleet & vowed not to return while frank was still in the state -- with his mom still ( mostly ) off-planet on various assignments & commissions, there wasn’t really a reason to.  of course, frank eventually vacated the farm house.  during the winter of his second year in the academy, jim received word frank was serving time in prison &, with his mom home & contemplating retirement, he returned to iowa for the holidays. preserving the farmhouse & ensuring his mom had a HOME once she did retire was always a dream of his, & jim toyed with the idea of testifying against frank when he received a request to appear in court for another trial against frank shortly before the battle for earth in 2258.  but the decision to do so wasn’t easy & with his loft school load, the invitation sat, more or less forgotten in his inbox.  following his return to earth & promotion to captain, he agreed to the invitation & testified during the summer whilst waiting for completion of repairs on the enterprise.  it was a relatively quiet affair, but he appeared, in full formal dress, & finally felt like he was able to breathe when the man was sentenced for life.

[survivormoheli]

Tribal Council #5 - One World

Welcome, everyone, to our one world tribal council where only the Ouani tribe can be voted out.

Eric, Blake, and Elliot, as this is your first tribal council, please dip your torches.

AnnMarie, how important is trust in a tribal council this big? Do you trust anyone who comes to you, or are you skeptical of everyone?

I'm open to all discussions with everybody in a tribal so large. Trust is important, but easy to maintain. To me, you are innocent until proven guilty, and unless you have lied to me, I'm open to any idea you may have. No plan is good or bad, and nobody is truly good and evil in a game like this.

Blake, you had the worst score in the challenge. Do you think this will ultimately put a target on your back? Do you think the strategy is past ‘keep the tribe strong’?

Ultimately I hope my GOD awful score doesn't put a target on my back... but hey who knows they may be thinking about the merge and be like well that kid wont be any competition for individual immunity so lets keep him around. The strategy about keeping the tribe strong I don't know if that is so relevant now bc so many people have formed relationships. But if my tribe still wants a strong team then I may be on the chopping block...

Bryan, how confident are you in the game post-one world? Do you think your position on your new tribe will be solid after all of this round’s drama?

Dani, after getting a strike in the challenge, do you think you’ll be targeted? How do you assure your fellow players that you’ll be active enough to take part in their plans?

Oh Jay... ENOUGH! Enough is ENOUGH IVE HAD IT! I feel like I’m taking CRAZY pills every time you ask me a god forsaken question... anyways. To answer your question. First of all, I didn’t understand the challenge and had no desire to understand it. Second of all, I had to volunteer all day today so I was just not for it. In other words, Yes. I AM ACTIVE ENOUGH.

Elliot, how has the tribe swap influenced game dynamics? Do you feel more solid with your new tribe or with the old? How do you think the game will have changed after this one world tribal?

The tribe swap has definitely changed the game- you get comfortable and then the tribes all swap around. While there are people I trust on both my tribe, and people I don't, for me this vote comes down to who I think has been the most genuine with me, and while that might alienate me from some people that's a risk I'm going to have to take.

Eric, congratulations on attending your first tribal council this late in the game! How do you sus out where the vote is since you don’t have prior experience with tribals? How do you maximize this opportunity to send the right person home?

Thanks for the warm welcome! haha It's kind of exciting to finally be at a tribal council, especially one where I'm immune. I guess it's important to take the time to chat with others, see how they all feel and take the time to understand what's truly going on. This is a very unique opportunity since everybody on the game is here to vote and it can create a unique voting trend.

Andreas, how much do you think old tribal lines and old alliances will influence this vote?

This vote is all about old tribal lines and old alliances. So I think, this will influence the vote for 100%.

JG, there’s no way for a majority alliance to have existed since tribes are currently smaller than the number needed for a majority, so how do votes get determined in a one world tribal? Is there a cohesive voting block, or will it be a heavily split vote?

Honestly, we won't know until tribal. There are so many strong players who want to still be here the next round and with so few people to be voted its gonna make for a interesting tribal .... I also think this has the potential to shake up any pre-existing shiz. .... oh and hi lynn

Lynn, after the drama between you and JG last round, do you think that animosity will come to a head as you’re one of the people who could potentially be eliminated?

Um the animosity is most definitely coming to a head. I mean even now everyone can obviously see JG doesn’t know how to keep my name from out of his messages to the gc so far. there’s no way you can stop people from believing what they want and JG is obviously coming after me so we’ll see what happens.

Phoenix, what do you think of Tara’s decision to make one world happen?

I mean, I know she was in a rush and people wanted it to happen, so it happened. I don't blame her or anything haha

Raffy, as the numbers dwindle down, how do you set yourself up to be in a good position for the merge?

You be social and hope to god people are being truthful. I want to trust people, but this is Survivor. Trust only goes as far as the things backing up that trust. When people vote together, you trust them. However, things can shift dramatically within the span of one tribal. I don't know how to set myself up for merge, but I pray to god that I am doing all that I can

Richie, my question to you is as simple as it is classic: what will you be basing your vote on tonight?

what will i be basing my vote on tonight???? well i'm safe and so is everyone on our tribe so my stake in this vote is hopefully going to make a proactive move that will help make the next vote i'm not safe at a little bit more manageable?????????

Tara, let us in on the logic behind putting the one world tribal in place. Do you think this will help you seem MORE or LESS trustworthy long term?

umm i honestly was just like walking down a rly busy corridor and i was stressing bcos i had to answer quick bcos i had already kept ppl waiting like 20 minutes so i asked in the tribe chat what ppl wanted n ya here we are. umm i honestly don't know what ppl will think of this! i hope they take the time to make new friends and have fun and not stress too much.

Tim, on a scale of 1-10, how rat-like/snake-like is this game? Do you feel you’re playing with trustworthy people, or are you constantly watching your back?

On a scale of one to 10 I'd have to rate the game as of now as a 6. There ARE snakes somewhere because they are inevitable. However, there are different types. You have your garden snake, small and sneaky but common and mostly harmless when they bite. Your Phythons, the big bad snakes who think they're running the show but their fangs hold no venom. They are only deadly one you've came within their ever so "trusting" grip, but from a distance, they are spottable if you know what you are looking for. Finally you have your Black Mambas. NOW these snakes... are deadly asf. You may not even see them coming but once they bite your life in the game is up. I'd advise that you stay as far away as possible from this breed but their camoflage leaves you unable to know who or where they are.

I feel as though everyone is trustworthy but the extent at which they are varies depending on the context of the situation as well as your previous trust.

I’ll read the votes.

First Vote: Bryan

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Second Vote: Blake

you did not speak to me. you tried to do something way beyond your ability. you were messy. good bye.

Third Vote: Bryan:

Under his eye

Fourth Vote: Blake

That’s two votes Bryan, two votes Blake, 10 votes left.

Fifth Vote: Bryan

Out! OUT! GET OUT!

Sixth Vote: Blake

sorry I have to stick to my guns ....

That’s three votes Bryan, three votes Blake, 8 votes left.

Seventh Vote: Bryan

in tears uh, hey everyone… karma got its kiss for me! puckers lips uh i cant go to JONATHAN’S right now because i got a…. a ticket because apparently you’resupposedtopulloverforanemergencyvehicle and i didn’t know laughs listen, my life is extremely going downhill cause im getting acne, and im getting fat and im blading right here if you cant see the whole triangle there like a piece of hair, im balding IM BALDING i’m turning ugly and my face is going to be fat for the rest of the day and i cant even SHOWER BEFORE WORK because im not going to be home on time! and that fat ass indiana cries the fat ass indiana cop…. gave me a ticket…. and he’s like “do you know about this law?” i didn’t so i said “no”… because i didnt talking through tears and it’s so much money and i only have FOURTY SEVEN DOLLARS and im not even supposed to go under fifty and im going to get fined by my bank

try not to hold-

SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!! im going to get fined by my bank for having under fifty dollars ♫ and i already owe my parents four hundred something dollars and i owe my friend’s mom eighty and i cant get a job now but everything’s fine cough and im oKAY and my parents are really mad at me and my life is going downhiiiill ♫ so if anyone wants to be like a nice person laughs through tears and give me money to pay for this fucking ticket because i dont have it inhales i’mgoingtoleavemypaypal link but like winks thats me winking BUT MY EYES ARE TOO SWOLLEN TO WINK cries and i called to see if i could serve jail time instead of paying but no one answered so i left a voicemail asking if it were an option for me to serve jail time instead of paying inhales you’re going to get arrested for that they’re going to be like this dumbest bitch then they’re going to arrest you crying isn’t that the point that’s what he wants and my friends are laughing while i’m having an emotional breakdown crying SHOW ME SUPPOOOOOOORT crying laughing screams into pillow

Eighth Vote: Bryan

it's hard to not take an opportunity like this to vote out a very strong and experienced player. I wish you the best!

Ninth Vote: Bryan

It sucks that you have to go home but sometimes it be like that

Tenth vote, and the next person voted out of Survivor Athena Moheli: Bryan

Lol sorry bud

The remaining votes were also for Bryan.

Eleventh Vote: Bryan

You're a really nice dude, it just has to be done

Twelfth Vote: Bryan

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thirteenth Vote: Bryan

Fourteenth vote:

Bryan, you will have a few moments to send any last words before everyone is removed from this chat.

[avghisms]

All of them please!! I'm curious OTL

gee well fine 1. If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? go out with friends or paint maybe lol2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned? i luv this lil black dress my ex gf gave to me!! 3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue? idk something creative tho like candle making 4. What does your perfect room look like? VERY PINK AND VERY CUTE 5. How often do you play sports? I dont!! im too lazy!! 6. What fictional place would you like to visit? Idk 7. What job would you be terrible at? probably customer service which i was terrible at 8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?probably like last week hahaa 9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for? being cute 10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have? i bite my nails when im anxious but i also hate loud breathing :// 11. What job do you think you'd be really good at? nursing or counselling!! 12. What skill would you like to master? writing or something 13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? travelling to somewhere really sunny with my friends ❤14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like? kinda petite bungalow with a big porch and on a beach!! 15. What's your favorite drink? black coffee cold water B))) 16. What state or country do you never want to go back to? belfast.... 17. What songs do you have completely memorized? a lot 18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in? n/a life is good enough 19. What do you consider to be your best find?matthew mcdonnell cus hes a saint 20. Are you usually early or late? early! 21. What pets did you have when you were growing up? an evil cat and a hamster 22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with? just their emotions i guess or for a line of reasoning/second opinion 23. What takes up too much of your time? sleeping ahh24. What do you wish you knew more about? people 25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years? where them gay girls at 26. What are some small things that make your day better? my friends nd my cat :')) 27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to? hayley kiyoko/mystery skulls28. What's the best way to start the day? black coffee and a cigarette29. What TV shows do you like? not many at all :0 30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should? anna channel 31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished? my mama and my best friend 32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently? 16 tbh33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch? noneee ahh 34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend? going on a trip w my friends to the beach!!! 35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without? gourmet coffee 36. What is your claim to fame? when i turned 16 i became a lot more open minded and forgiving. with a lot more empathy and willingness to see beauty in everything. positive vibeeeesss. 37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way? essays even tho i get wankers cramp 38. What's your favorite book or movie genre? i like rom coms 39. How often do you people-watch? idk what that means but sometimes i see pretty people and im happy 40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about? my lifeee 41. What's the best day of the year? all day every day in july 42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of? occultism 43. How do you relax after a long day of work? napping 44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched? jane the virgin 45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home? france!! 46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen? forgiveness and reconciliation. compromise. 47. What is the most annoying question people ask you? "who do you have a crush on?" "Will you meet this guy?" 48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation? psychology or biology 49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? create a beautiful eutopiaaaa 50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? reflect 51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting? hand gliding 52. What's your dream car? a pink one 53. What's worth spending more on to get the best? makeup 54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get? IDK DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS 55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years? travelling a lot more !! meeting new friends 56. Where is the most interesting place you've been? île de adam 57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it? art work 58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week? free coffee 59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again? Steven universe omg 60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have? hair dresser 61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see? idk... 62. How different was your life 1 year ago? it was extremely different, i was extremely different. it was kinda hellish and im glad im so different now. 63. What quirks do you have? always drinking coffee n being weirdly generous 64. What would you rate 10/10? hayley kiyoko 65. What fad or trend do you think should come back? baggy jeans 66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen? me 67. What kind of art do you enjoy most? dark abstract 68. What do you hope never changes? me 69. What city would you most like to live in? bordeaux70. What movie title best describes your life? love, actually 71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now? i don't work am lazyyy 72. What's the best way a person can spend their time? being kind 73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make? a pipe74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been? bed or beach 75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you? winning the lotto 76. Where would you rather be from? france77. What are some things you've had to unlearn? self-hatred, loathing and accepting abuse. i had to unlearn a lot. 78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months? swedennn w my love 79. What website do you visit most often? www.google.com 80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford? break stuff 81. Where do you usually go when you have free time? the park or someones house lol 82. Where would you spend all your time if you could? a beach 83. What's special about the place you grew up? absolutely nothing 84. What age do you want to live to? 60 85. What are you most likely to become famous for? cult leader 86. What are you absolutely determined to do? to be the best person i can be and to be positive!! 87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do? understand most things. 88. What do you wish you knew more about? the world. 89. What question would you most like to know the answer to? why did you lie? why did you treat me so horribly and yet retained a complete victim complex? What happened to make you so fucking monstrous? What put you out of your way to humilate me worse than anyones ever done before, all the while pretending you cared? 90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person? why are we here? 91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major? recently, everything changes! 92. What's the best compliment you've ever received? too many heck "you have taught me so much" "you have a beautiful soul" "you're angelic to me" (all platonic btw romance is bullshit) 93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do? try to survive. Befriend animals! 94. Who inspires you to be better? my mom and JESUS 95. What do you want your epitaph to be? honest 96. What haven't you grown out of? some grudges 97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in? at a dinner table 98. What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out pretty well? trying to make friends 99. If someone wrote a book on an event in your life, what would the book be about? probably transformation 100. What's something you will never do again? trust so openly 101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future? i don't. I think im good now. 102. What keeps you up at night? the possibilities!! of life! 103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had? i deserve better 104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done? driving w/o license 105. How do you get in the way of your own success? laziness 106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you? im dont generally care about what other people think of meee... 107. What is your biggest regret? Making the wrong decision and losing something that could've been great.. 108. What do you look down on people for?being indirect and bitchy 109. What bridges do you not regret burning?there have been a lot of abusive people who im so glad ive been able to get rid of bc they were like poison. 110. What lie do you tell most often? "i only had like 4 beers" 111. What would be your spirit animal? a cat lol112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older? learning aand experiencing is the best but moving on is the worst 113. What are you most likely very wrong about? politics 114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it? pink 115. What's happened that changed your view on the world? uhh generally being loved and appreciated for who i REALLY am and therefore being able to become a good person with good people surrounding me 116. What is the biggest lesson you've learned? trust no one. 117. What is the most immature thing you do? get rly drunk nd become all rude n dumb 118. What are you famous for among your friends & family? giving advice and support 119. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be? rotting human flesh 120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have? always being the bigger person or trying to. 121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die? a real relationship a baby and a good job! 122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self? trust no one. no one in ur life is gonna keep ur trust except ur mom n Matthew. 123. What's the best thing you got from your parents? love uwu 124. What's the best thing about you? seeing tje beauty in everything 125. What blows your mind? life in itself 126. Have you ever saved someone's life? yes 127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at? writing ehehe 128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like? like me? long dark brown hair on a short girl wearing a pink hoody n black jeans?? 129. What are 3 interesting facts about you?im left handed, im psychic and im strong owo130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it? the big fucking gash on my right leg 131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life? happiness is....... 132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life? september 4th 2016 133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned? dont trust him 134. What do people think is weird about you?im always confused 135. What mistake do you keep making? USIMG CUPS AS ASHTRAYS 136. What have you created that you're most proud of? A LOT OF PAINTINGS 137. What do you doubt? that people are truly sorry.138. What are some of your morals? always be honest w those u trust, give everyone a chance, dont judge, forgive with ur heart. 139. What do you want to be remembered for?loving and being loved 140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?n/a 141. What is your favorite fragrance? jasmine anr roses and ylang ylang aaa142. What do you think your last words will be?noo letsnnot 143. Who or what do you take for granted?my schoool144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?eat a LOT 145. What is something you're insecure about? IM NOT yay 146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received? best: never be ashamed. worst: drink green tea to cure epilepsy 147. What irrational fears do you have? being alone, 148. What makes a good life? love 149. What's the last adventure you went on? idk man 150. What is the most memorable gift you've received? my granpas snuff tin 💖