#bc my knowledge is limited but i dont see how knowledge and understanding can be expanded by doing the most normative of things

[grapecaseschoices]

are we going back to the early aughts? what is with this new (ancient) trend of if wips where gender selectable is only m/f?

[anna1306]

Heeyy! I have this idea on my mind, and i think you would be amazing writting it! So: poly lost boys with a diabetic reader. I have diabetes and i can image the boys kinda worrying about it (ok, Paul may crack a joke about the reader having 'sweet blood'), specially bcs i have to have doses of insuline before every meal and if i dont eat in periods of time i have an hypoglycemic episode. Take your time to write, but i realy want to see it! Love and hugs Anna!

I know only couple of people with diabetes, but I hope that my short experience of spending time with them and a bit of Google is good enough for my knowledge c:

Love you too c:

The Lost Boys x Diabetic Reader

Even if they didn't know it from the start, they did notice something strange at least after some time.

How you always control how much sweets or milkshakes you consume at night. How you constantly have a bottle of water that is going to run out till the end of your time together. How your smell is just a tad sweeter sometimes.

The boys don't pay much attention to it, though. Smell can change even with emotions taking over you, Paul is very picky eater, when it comes to human food, and Dwayne always have a flask with some liquid. This liquid is usually some liquor, but still.

They don't pay much attention until one night.

You were too involved in Marko and Paul's shenanigans, running around and having fun. Dwayne and David watched you from afar, standing near bikes. They talked quietly about something, while you just had your fun.

But after you took sharp turn, you suddenly stopped, instantly being overcome with dizziness.

"Don't be so slow, baby!" Marko laughed, pinching you on the side, jumping away from you. But you didn't follow him, closing your eyes and furrowing your brows. Heavy feeling settle itself inside of you, your head now pounding and your stomach fell at the realisation of what was going on. "Doll?"

"I can't, I need... Shit..." You stumbled, but got quickly caught by Paul before your body even had the chance to start falling down.

"Baby? What's happened?" He instantly panicked, looking at you. You shivered from your sensations.

"Sweet... I need something sweet." You mumbled, feeling very light, almost as if you were floating, but at the same time like something was pressing on your head.

"Marko, get something." David's voice was suddenly very near, though he and Dwayne were far from you. The boys got you to the side, letting you sit on a bench.

Marko came running back with sweets, chocolate and candies in his arms just couple minutes later. You grabbed one of it, eating the chocolate right away. You were slowly coming to your senses, but still felt light-headed.

"Kitten?" David carefully touched your cheek, making you look at him. "Are you fine? Do we need to go to the doctor?"

"No! No... I just need to rest and... Eat something." You weakly answered, chewing on a chocolate. Marko bit his thumb nervously, looking between the boys.

"I swear we didn't do anything." He said. Paul pursed his lips together, clearly worried, clutching his arms.

"You aren't... Dying, are you?" He carefully asked, a bit of fear in his voice.

"I sure hope not." You smiled weakly, but that reassured none of the boys. "I have diabetes." You admitted. You weren't ashamed of your condition, not even once in your life. But the guys were so active, so healthy, you couldn't help but doubt you could keep up with them. You didn't get their confused and perplexed expressions, though. "What?"

"What is diabetes?" Paul blurted out, furrowing his brows. Dwayne smacked his head in response.

David, Dwayne and Marko knew about it, even if their knowledge was limited. Paul was a bit high. And he had never really encountered it before. So you had to explain it to him and to the others.

They were understanding. And mad that you didn't say anything to them earlier. What if you needed help? What if you were in need of insulin? What if you were to be hurt? And they didn't know shit about how to help you. But they quickly adapted to new information.

Dwayne remembers to carry sweets around now. Lollipops, little chocolates, even fruits if he can. Once at the Boardwalk, he usually gets you milkshake or ice cream as a treat. He tries not to overbear with his observation of you, and he is actually pretty good with hiding it. Dwayne always remembers about personal space and doesn't interfere with it. He just keeps an eye on you to be sure that you are alright. He questions the details of what you need, what you can experience, what can happen, what to look for in case of need. Once he hears it, he remembers it and reminds others too. He is careful around you, but he doesn't want you to feel lesser, like an ill person, but still he worries.

David doesn't like the idea of your potential vulnerability. It is yet another one possibility for you to die when they wouldn't be around. Or for you to be taken to the hospital, seriously hurting yourself. Both of these outcomes is the same for him - you would be taken away from them. Maybe even permanently. So, unlike Dwayne, he is overbearing. Even if not fussing over you openly, he still keeps himself close to you. He watches what you eat, what you drink, restricts you from performing some of the activities e.c. You literally have to remind him that you have managed to keep yourself alive before you meet them. He is still overbearing even after this talk. But in some distance, understanding and respecting your opinion, still never unable to get rid of his own fears.

Paul has noticed something strange earlier about you, like every boy has. How you always has your bag with you, how you always do something in the corner of the cave before dinner. But he has never had anyone close to him with diabetes, nor has he heard about the decease. So he has to sit through an entire lecture given to him by both Dwayne and David about what it is and why it is hard for you. If you think he would be more accurate in his words and actions... Nope, now you are his 'sugar' and 'sweetheart' and you can't be offended by him, he just loves you. As well as he likes sweet stuff. And you are his sweet stuff and favourite dessert (and he isn't talking about blood. Well, not only about blood 😉). Though he is careful around what you eat and how often you do it. He doesn't want you faint once again.

Marko knows it all too well. One of his relatives had diabetes. But even if it was long time ago. Even if he is immortal now. Even if he let go of his family long time ago. He still remembers the symptoms, how accurate the person was around their life, how they suffered from some episodes. So at first he keeps his distance. Not because he is afraid to hurt you, but because he is reliving it all again and trying to remember everything useful. Marko approaches you after getting smacked in the head by Dwayne, who pointed out how sad you are by his distance. Once Marko explains everything to you, he's back to being his usual cheer himself, just watching you a bit closely, which is almost unnoticeable.

They can almost smell the changes in you, if you are close enough to them, and they are attentive enough. If at first they didn't pay attention to these changes, now they always track your scent. Once or twice you caught Dwayne or Paul near your neck or shoulder, almost smelling you. Even if they told you it was nothing, you called them weirdos.

Once they told you the truth, you finally understood their shenanigans. Yes, you needed time to adjust, but them being vampires didn't really change your feelings for them.

Sometimes you even use David or Dwayne for testing your blood. Paul would get too distracted, and Marko isn't really sensitive to sweetness.

You are their sweet lover. Quiet literally. They only wonder how it would work once you become immortal, but you would cross that bridge, when you come to it.

The Lost Boys Taglist: @minafromasgard @starmullet @iloveslasher @twistedharper @ichorixm @promptsforstuff @collieflower215 @henhouse-horrors @smenny @id-rather-be-in-middle-earth @the-faceless-bride @britany1997

[aesrot]

Feel free to delete this, but I remember you saying that you liked Sonadow (I think that’s the ship name?). Anyway this is your invitation to infodump about them as much as you want. Also if you want to give fanfic recommendations I just might read them <3.

GIGGLES you shouldnt have said this >:3

idek what i could talk abt bc at the same times theres a LOT but also, despite me being mostly caught up game lore wise, i still dont feel like i have a good enough understanding of the characters, i'll probably only feel that when im caught up w the comics. which,,, will take me a good while to get through (just the archie comics are like over 500 issues long lol)

BUT. hmm what could i say that doesnt really require much prior knowledge...

ig, as every ship i ever ship, i see them more as queer platonic, sonic gives me the strongest aroace vibes, so i feel like his love for shadow wouldnt take a much different shape than his love for his other friends. but their connection goes a lil further to me, bc, when it comes to certain stuff, i feel like they're the only ones who can understand each other. and shadow... my dearest little guy... he represses a lot. his life experience wasnt. the best. i dont think he got that many opportunities to explore his own emotions, he probably cant even name a bunch of his emotions, its just easier to lash out, thats smth he's used to. he knows violence, it feels safer, he knows that dance.

and its because sonic has his fair share of violent background (aka, took up the role of a hero since he was way too young) that i feel like he is one of the few who can read shadow much easier than anyone else. hell, sonic himself is kinda knee deep in some repression (in my own understanding of his character). obvs most of this is bc its a franchise that targets kids, they wont get wild w the angst, but my boy sonic be out there fighting all the time and takes on a responsibility that shouldnt be his, the consequences of his actions can be catastrophic sometimes (once again asking everyone to watch sonic prime <3333 so much angst potential, im not normal abt it), and even when things go wrong, he jut smiles and powers through it. just think this for a second. god. imagine the amount of times he pushed himself beyond his limitations for the sake of others, how many times he pretended to be fine....

and yet. despite all that, they are terrible with communicating to each other, so things get physical often (as in fighting, not sexual, which makes it even gayer to me <3), and sigh. not surprising. put two stupid traumatised hogs in the same room and they'll either zoom around trying to race each other or they'll try to tear each others throat bc they just cant be normal together. ig thats how they communicate, go figures lol

my thoughts are all over the place atm so its hard to make this coherent <- my thoughts abt them are usually just violently screaming and sobbing. im sooo normal abt them. cant get much deeper than this without getting into the Lore, but yeah, ig this is smth

and oh, abt fanfics, hmmm i dont have that many that you could read without any background, but i did just finish this one shots collection thats very sweet and pretty chill to read without much prior knowledge, its mostly just a bunch of fluffy sick fics and them exploring their own feelings.

[mcl38]

Are you ready to admit he bottles lr are srkll delusional

hello everyone welcome back to me replying earnestly to anons that are clearly sent in bad faith <3 this is the kira show glad u could join us

anyways! so like yeah sure whatever hes a bottler i cant respond to the latter part of the anon bc i genuinely dont understand it

but im weirdly (uncharacteristically?) not mad at the sprint start bottle? i famously suffer psychosomatically in a Bad way when lando fucks up (see: me retching into a toilet and sobbing on the floor post-sochi) but w this one i got over it so quickly? im honestly a bit more upset abt how bad our drs speed is we literally wouldnt even b able to overtake an alpine on the straight at this point

anyways. i think the reason im not mad is bc landos actions make sense logically to me? like fundamentally this move is uncharacteristic for him - he hasnt 'bottled' it in this way since arguably spain 2023 but not even then bc that wasnt desperation, it was just a not-great start and hamilton low-grip wiggling directly into his front wing (rip). the last good handful of times he started in a high position hes really (to my knowledge) done alright for himself, even surprisingly well considering he used to be kinda bad at starts. so like while in the Great Bottle Narrative this is gonna b added to the track limits fuckups and whatever, i see it as quite a separate event

so the question is, why was he desperate now when he tends to be cautious and clean in starts usually? well, it seems obvious to me - the only way this sprint couldve been of any importance to lando is if he won. if not, like, the difference between the 3 points he got and the 7 points hed have gotten for p2 is literally almost nothing at all, especially considering he still finished in front of his teammate, and ESPECIALLY considering mclaren doesnt seem to b in any constructors race at this point in the season, just stuck in no-mans-land p3 with huge gaps in front and behind. so the fact that he pulled a checo-in-mexico hero move into that corner doesnt surprise me at all bc he rly (as long as he kept his car intact, which he did) had very little to lose and a (small, but real) chance to win.

so like. even if im totally wrong and it was an instinct move and just his Bottler Tendencies, im quite happy hes doing the bottling thing when it Doesnt matter and showing up when it Does. maybe hes getting it out of his system idk but i can live w that

if u dont agree thats ok maybe i rly am lr are srkll delusional<3 love u bye

[enhypendiaries]

quick question, im really interested in poetry and stuff like these.. but i dont know where to start. my vocabulary is a little limited, (mostly because English is not my first language and im still learning) so how can i expand my knowledge on vocab and things like that? did you take classes or?? im aware that some do take classes but how can one learn without taking classes? (saying that bc there's nothing like poetry classes where i live) do you recommend any poetry books?

I think your works are so amazing and they just make me more interested in poetry, they're so beautiful. idk i have so much to say and ask but it's disappearing 😭

(sorry if i asked too much🙏)

hi~ first of all, thank you for reading my works and appreciating them! it means a lot. i'm happy seeing people getting interested in poetry.

expanding my vocabulary was for the most part cultivated through reading and reading and reading. i also often use the dictionary app to better understand words and/or find synonymous or related terms that might be better for the context i'm using it for.

i actually didn't take any poetry classes (it's more of i couldn't bc it's beyond my means). i did have english classes in school and they helped me exercise my writing. but mine was largely self-cultivation.

you can start with simple ideas, exploring figures of speech, employing your experiences/learnings as metaphors for example, read, and exercise your writing! the first few tries wouldn't be perfect or satisfying, but what matters is growth. above all, put your heart into your writing. hopefully this helps even a little ♡

[whumpitisthen]

here's a quick rundown on astarion: gay vampire spawn (not a vampire. like a demo version vampire. a "lesser" one but don't let him hear that) who has been kept for 200 years by his master as a slave. guy (who was an actual vampire) carved him up, tortured him and forced him to lure victims into his manor. astarion has been abused in so many ways i'd hit some sort of character limit if i listed half of them. he was only allowed to feet on rats and small vermin in the sewers. poor little meow meow astarion is now free due to [game story] reasons and seeks power and revenge -- he's an edgy fuck with a lot of swag and no moral compass. bro is a menace and loves causing problems on purpose. [slight spoiler] he will literally try to suck some of your blood like a day or two after you meet him and unless you succeed a skill check he'll just keep doing it until you die. if you resurrect yourself afterwards he'll go like "ooooh ooopsie sowwy! i wouldn't kill you if i knew you'll be back teehee can we forget about this? ;) <3 don't fucking kill me". he's such a good fucking whumpee you don't even know. it's insane. i don't want to ramble but he's almost everything i've ever wanted from a character like this in a large scale rpg. [slightly bigger spoiler] despite being the go-to "fuckable" character who everyone finds hot as hell (both in-universe and online) he's HORRIBLY traumatized by his sexual experiences from when he used to be a slave and when you romance him a good portion of his storyline revolves around trying to make him realize that he's more than just a slab of very attractive meat. he hides his feelings behind a facade of "evil tumblr sexyman-esque" mannierisms and getting to finally peel it back and see him for the poor wet cat that he is is so fucking satisfying. [an even bigger spoiler] i loved watching him cry when he finally gets to confront his former master. pristine content. there's so much more to his character (and this game in general) but if you ever need to justify spending full price on a new videogame release, there's nothing better than bg3. if i could choose one game to beam directly into the brain of each whumpblr user, it'd be this one.

Okay so i already loved him from the very little information i had about him, but this is so delicious

I saw some pics of bad scars which are always hhh and heard that he is a whumpee but i didn't know the extent and now i think ive collected a new blorbo

You are telling me he meets his old master at some point...... and he cries..... and hes all sad....... he rly was made for tumblr but especially me youre telling me he has white hair and is a vampire twink who was a slave and hurt and traumatised and he has incredible sad wet cat energy and he only has a flimsy layer of confidence and absolutely no idea what morals are. i knew i needed to know more you have to understand my knowledge of the game stopped at the bear sex scene like that is it and yet i somehow always find the most pathetic little men no matter what in any media i could not give a shit about any of the rest i will consume the entire thing just to know the exact extent of his sad little life

Also i wish i had the opportunity to even consider buying a full price new release no matter how good the game is there is no world in which id be able to pay for that. Also idk about the gameplay either it seems very story oriented roleplay and almost dating sim-ish? Not a huge fan of those in general its gotta have more gameplay than walking around and basically watching a movie, but, again. No idea about anything, maybe it has incredible gameplay and i just dont know. Dont tell me if it does itll just make ms sadder bc that would absolutely make me wanna play it myself. Its kinda funny honestly the longer i spend not knowing anything the crazier everyone seems to me both online and irl. Its like im living in a separate world, i know no one who hasn't played this fucking game fjfhskhfd

[chaoxfix]

Some Sonic HC's:

Sonic is inherently extremely clumsy. It's something he got from his father's side. He uses his super speed to hide this fact, but at least four people know the truth (Tails, Eggman, Shadow, and Knuckles.)

Sonic has a spice tolerance that would allow him to munch on Ghost Peppers as if they were candy, which he does.

Sonic is actually really, really smart. He just doesn't show it that often.

Sonic uses Contact lenses because his glasses "Make him look like a Nerd" (He is, in fact, a nerd)

Sonic is a huge fantasy geek and D&D nerd, and makes a great DM.

no, i disagree with most of these, sorry

i recommend making your own post for hcs, bc i’m not trying to embarrass you but i 100% disagree about the clumsiness, glasses, and nerdiness. and i’m not comfortable having an ask like this on my blog when i don’t support it. i usually ignore hcs that i don’t agree with but. you sent this directly to me in a way where i can’t answer without putting it on my blog… and i definitely don’t support having this here unchallenged. so. i kind of have to vocally disagree when normally i mind my business. sorry.

i think sonics super mutated by chaos radiation and any genetics he has would be pretty washed out/deteriorated by now — so i dont put stock in anything genetic for sonic. at this point, in my head most of his traits are unique to him. and if you aren’t implying clumsiness is genetic, i’m even more confused. i don’t think he knows anything about his parents, and certainly wasn’t raised by them for long, if at all. i doubt he would’ve picked up much. i’m really not sure how one would realistically inherit clumsiness, but both ways just feel odd to me. im also just not really invested in his canon parents. which is why i don’t feel great about giving him a trait and saying it’s from his parents. sorry.

as for the clumsiness… i think he’s way too competent at what he does, and is far too kinesthetically intelligent, to be clumsy in any stretch of the imagination. he’s been shown repeatedly to have excellent control of his body; saying he’s clumsy 100% flies in the face of canon. he’s too competent and has survived too many near-impossible life or death situations with only physical solutions to be that clumsy. and real clumsiness isn’t an on-off switch. so if he can save the world with his speed and coordination on a regular basis, nah. he’s not clumsy in his off time either.

i have no opinion of the ghost pepper hc unless it’s in a context where it’s funny

i agree that sonic is smart. but based on your other headcanons i don’t think it’s how you see it. this boy is survival smart and kinesthetically intelligent (knows innately how his body can react and move, and knows it’s limits and how to beat the odds and use his body and environment to his advantage; he’d be brilliant at parkour). i also think based on how he fights, he also has an innate understanding of physics and cause-and-effect and chain reactions. he doesn’t know anything about math or formulas or equations but he knows certain chemical symbols are dangerous and get more dangerous when exposed to air or mixed. he has also seen enough action that he’s familiar with how to survive and adapt to almost anything. he also likes to read but i don’t think he knows a ton of useless trivia or can recall it easily. his book choices seem to be for entertainment and adventure, not knowledge building.

i disagree that sonic is a nerd (he’s just never shown much interest in nerdy hobbies) and i disagree that he needs glasses. i also disagree that he would have the time and skill set to plan a D&D campaign though he certainly has the charisma for it.

listen. i don’t like shooting down ideas anymore than you liked hearing about them. so please in the future make your own post so i’m not forced to argue these in order to answer you.

also… seriously… if you’re going to blorbo-ify sonic this much and just make him into whatever you want rather than what canon supports …, can i recommend just picking a different character to project to? one you don’t have to melt down to fit this ‘smart clumsy nerdy’ role?

because tails is right there and matches these hcs a bit better.

[chryblossomjjk]

So, while i was happy yesterday for your post about turkey and syria, i have come to see another reblog of yours and im sorry to say this, but i‘ve lost my respect for you. Reblogging shit like: minorities in turkey ( kurds ) are being neglected is such wrong information it makes me SICK. I dont understand how people can make such statements in these situations. I MYSELF have seen bad from both sides at ALL times- i would NEVER deny that. BUT to say AND spread that kurds are being neglected purposefully is below every fucking bar. I have been watching the news since day one and Hatay as a city with lots and lots of arabs and kurds was on live news for over 30 hours. Some areas unfortunately cant get help rn bc of the roads ( and airports ) simply not existing anymore. i dont know if you have limited knowledge about turkey and kurds in general, but for you to repost smth like this is absolutely below bar and even tho i liked you so so so much and was here from the beginning, i will NOT tolerate any hate towards my country or people. Genuinely, bye.

- 🧚🏻

hi friend. i was reblogging sources that were linking places to donate for all places involved. my friend from turkey had shared that the site linked in the post was giving out resources to neglected places and i wanted to spread the message. it was never my intention to spread hate to anyone or any group of people involved in the situation and im sorry if that was the effect. you’re right i do have very limited knowledge about the subject and i need to do better with that. i was trying to shares sources from others who know more than me and then just offering my condolences because im not in a position to speak on the topic because i don’t know enough to do so. i apologize that i offended you and if your opinion of my has changed of me that’s totally okay and you’re within your right to do so. once again, im sorry. i just was trying to spread places to donate and share resources because it was a tragedy for everyone involved.

[wooahaes]

guess who kept their word and drafted which idols would fit in what fire emblem class.. its me i did. anyways i kinda took classes from the games you said u have played before. and sorry it was a lot i got rlly excited abt it and did a google doc (;° ロ°) ! if these is overwhelming no need to answer the ask 😵‍💫

NICO UR BRAIN AAAA <333 i am so sorry for the long reply thats abt to follow

also omg you didnt have to limit urself like that in any way!! im always open to reading abt other games sdkfhdsf ur so sweet for that tho!! one day i'll get around to playing three houses and other games tbh

i love the vibe that reader is just some rando they picked up. seungcheol picks them up like ok ur the protag now and readers like im the What.

PALADIN COUPS.... ur mind omg. paladin suits him sooo well holy shit + his reclasses!!! <3 i can imagine him being some stern leader of his army but having his soft side for ppl. literally imagine his support convos... just flustered paladin man who goes from this imposing figure to a whiny husband whos so in love w u... <3

omg. wonwoo's base classes all fit him so well tbh. i can def see archer the most if im honest since he fits the quiet stereotypical archer vibe but thief and priest wonwoo UGH <33333 im in love.

YOOO WYVERN RIDER JUN??? mage is also cool but god theres something So cool abt wyvern rider jun... he would take naps w his wyvern and be so doting toward them :( just a sweet man. he probably also has snacks for both him And his wyvern... i feel it in my soul....

omg. jeonghans classes... pegasus knight jeonghan is invading my thoughts rn. thief would also fit SO well but i am staring at pretty man on his pegasus looking radiant <3 same w joshua tbh. two pretty besties on their pegasi... ugh my heart <3 i cannot handle this

ooo troubadour or priest dk is not something i would have expected!!! i do love it tho <3 sunshiney dk who honestly heals u a lil just by smiling...

no one look at me over mercenary vernon... no one look at me rn. i cant. i cant. im not strong enough to process the idea of rugged mercenary vernon. vernon with a sword... clutches chest n collapses... god............ men w swords........ anyone w swords actually tbh if i see a woman with a sword im gonna lose my mind bc oh fuck thats hot

ENEMY MINGYU... finally i can beat his ass for being tall. i love his recruitment conditions being so varied just bc it feels like hes just looking for a reason to leave the opposing side. he just looks at mc like man i wanna be over there but i gotta be impressed first :/ or i gotta be flirted with. or i gotta see my best bro. (wonwoo voice you can be flirted with by mc if y ou join our side)

SAMURAI DINO.................. i am listening. dino w sword........ <3 i have no more thoughts im just kinda thinking abt hinata fates rn. honestly they're the same person bc they're both cute losers. nico ur MIND <3

KITSUNE HOSHI KITSUNE HOSHI KITSUNE HOSHI.................... I AM LOOKING !!!!! did i ever mention i did romance both kaden and keaton lmao theyre cute

spear fighter woozi omg... i imagine his supports would have something to do with singing no matter what his class is. just at least a lil. just a lil.

ENEMY MINGHAO AND SEUNGKWAN??? ok minghao i can understand because i think he'd be a cool enemy, esp if he's someone you have to earn the respect of. BUT SEUNGKWAN??? omg. sniper seungkwan too... he could murder. and he WILL....also god. i imagine it being a serious convo, but my brain just went "vernon just walks up to him and goes "hey dude, what the hell?" and then shoves him over." vernon voice wadda hell bulnosaur...

ok i admittedly dont know anything abt pretty much anyone here except vaguely soobin and beomgyu but :0 based off my limited knowledge abt beomgyu, his classes seem fitting sdkfhsdf i feel like i've seen stuff abt him like. being kinda trickster-y before but i might be wrong!!

i love how much thought u put into all of these!! its so cool to read though omg <3 thank u for sharing!!

[terraliensvent]

The short end of it is the mods shouldn’t have allowed each other to approve illegal Terras or limited MYOs period. The situation was still ongoing and they just jumped to conclusions with it. Tycho is the only mod with some damn sense atp. They really should just hire all new staff and official Artists to pick up the pieces of the mess they made.

It’s unfortunate because people are just making a bunch of illegal terras and Milo of all people is running the server which is just a bunch of people making illegals. Ofc nothing against Milo, it’s just incredibly funny that this is where we’re at now. Tbh it was really unwise to even keep this species going, bc now it seems like the same reason Coy kept it going— money. If the mods had genuine passion, why not just make it an open species and be done with it? It’s honestly so laughable.

I also find it funny that Temul is coming back when they said how badly this traumatized them and whatnot. Like if you really genuinely hated it then you should just stop owning them period. Like it’s time to let this species go already.

i think after opening the floodgates they really cant close them again, i agree the species should be made open

also that other server wasnt made by milo, i dont think they even have any sort of power in there since they even gave up the “former terra mod” role, someone in the terra server made it during the implosion because they wanted people to be able to stay in contact with the community. milos just a regular member to my knowledge

i dont see any harm in people making illegal terras, considering how shit things are rn i can understand why people are fed up and just wanna make ocs without a care now

temul’s big flip in behavior toward the species is what frustrated me the most though

[seedsofwinter]

my heart is not the problem

i’ve been thinking about somethings, regarding my relationships and connections, and wanted to just kinda write it out and throw it into the void rather than have to deal with like people replying to me about their own shit when it’s not about them, or not getting the nuance bc character limits. i miss livej void shouting and was suggested to try here.

so here i go. it’s a bunch of jumbled rambling thoughts, tmi, and tldr.

about 5 years ago, i was in the end of my last major relationship (”major” being something that lasts for more than a year, for my definition.) it would take a few more agonizing months of trying, failing, and ultimately pointing out it wasn’t working and getting told that my soon-to-be-ex had not been in love with me for about 10 months at that point. cool cool cool. he seemed to want to still have SOMETHING with me, so we filled out a “what do you want from this relationship” thing, one of those Relationship Buffet type graphics where each person answers honestly and then you compare.

he wanted to have sex with me still and nothing else. i wanted friendship and connection and nothing else.

this knowledge will fuck me up for a long time.

because when we got together, he’d been THE FIRST person i’d dated who liked me physically. i thought, wow, amazing, someone is ATTRACTED TO ME??

and over the nearly 4 years we were together, i slowly felt worse and worse about this. because i saw what his preference was.... and yes, some people were aesthetic-attraction attractive but also.... people i was like “oh no” about. and i looked at the aesthetically-attractive people (the only attraction mode i actually have that ever feels active; im aroace spec) and i looked at the people who i went “um pass”, and i knew i was in the “um pass” column.

so like, to have him only want to fuck me? a thing i did with him bc it was a tertiary attraction, something i could do with him bc i enjoyed him enjoying it? no. noooo. this did not result in further in-person interaction, and we moved to just being online acquaintances. but i had really loved him; he was the first person i felt what i thought love must feel like, but probably it was just feeling special and attractive to someone that got into my head.

i think it was about a year later that he “admitted” to me that he had run into a few people in that time between who had similar issues that i had (i’m poor, and got a ton of mental health fuckery) and that when he looked at the issues he knew that--if he could find ways past them--who he really wanted to be with was me.

and i told him STOP THAT. i told him I DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. i told him JUST DO BETTER WITH PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE, that’s how you can do right be me but STOP WANTING ME. it was gross that he’d tell me that, when i knew what he really missed was the kink and the fucking.

and within 6 months i blocked him. he got weird about being blocked, and a friend sent me screenshots of him LOSING HIS FREAKING MIND in a private group and accusing me of wanting to sleep with people who we had as mutuals, bc he couldn’t understand why i would still be friends with people i met through him if that wasn’t that case. (it’s not and never has been the fucking case. it’s been 5 years: he’s the last person i had sex with. i hope i can find someone else to have sex with before i die so he’s not THE LAST person, but i don’t want to have sex with anyone, and i don’t want relationships. i need to, like, find someone a few years from now to be like “help me not die with the last cock i touched being this shitbag ex of mine’s, and then let’s never see each other ever again.”)

anyway!

a little over 2 years ago, 3 years after that guy, i entered into an online relationship (the type is relevant bc no physical interaction) that lasted about 9, 10 months? they’re a good person. and being in a relationship with them was good for me for about 6 months, after which point i had some old family shit dredged up, and i was dealing with some of the worst dysphoria i’ve ever felt. these were not their fault, but these were pieces of my life which impacted my ability to be a good boyfriend. my own definition of one at least. i’ve since traced back a bunch of my dysphoria to--and again not their fault--the gift of a video chat i gave over the holidays. they’d wanted that, and it felt like not a huge deal. i’d done video chats during the pandemic with friends, and while they were draining for me, i could make that choice knowingly. i thought, too, hey, i’ve sent this person im in a relationship with a chunk of selfies, and we would talk on the phone once a week for hours and hours past when they should’ve been in bed. it’s just moving pictures; they know what i look like, they know what i sound like.

but something about seeing myself in the little image in the corner, and knowing that they could see me, as i look and not as i AM, ugh. that caught right the fuck up in my brain, hard.

so for the last 3 months of that relationship, i tried really hard not to overthink what i looked like, coupled with the depression of family shit (which included a death), but ultimately failed in that endeavor--like failed so hard i stopped taking selfies even just for myself, and maybe i take one but then i see it, cringe, and delete it.

when they finally called me out on my crap, my not talking to them as much or seeming excited to make plans to meet up, i had to be honest and realize i couldn’t give the kind of time that i would want to give them if i was in a good place, and the kind of time they were seeking from a relationship. it let me realize, in general, that i can’t give regular time to anyone. that i’m better off and HAPPIER not in a pairing type relationship.

i’ve considered myself some variation of non-monogamous for at least 15 years, and have never been monogamous, truly. like, even in high school, that just didn’t make sense to me but i didn’t have the words or the maturity to not fuck it up. so finding the, i guess, grace to let myself not want and not seek ANY relationships, both for myself and bc it wouldn’t be fair to whoever i was dating? for nearly a year and a half, that has been great. i’ve felt a lot less stress to date bc i can just say outright and honestly, oh no, i don’t date. i’m a confirmed bachelor, thanks much anyway.

but here’s the problem, the part that i’ve been thinking about a lot lately.

see, people act like if you don’t date, if you don’t Love Someone, that you’re not open to the experiences of love. how can you love if you’re not IN LOVE with a person you’re dating?

i’ve sat with this question. because i do love. i am VERY open with my heart, in fact, because i trust it to a lot of people: i have so many best friends and close friends, and i trust them with my heart. i don’t “trust they’ll never hurt me”, no, i trust that they’re worth the risk, and i’m willing to take it, that chance I'll get hurt emotionally by a friend. i want to love them and experience the love from them in those ways. it is fulfilling, and asks nothing of me that i cannot say no to, nothing that makes me feel guilty for not giving.

then i saw a line in a fandom comic. it’s 2 characters in a ship i adore, they’re having sex for the first time. and one says how they trust the other with their heart and soul; the other says they trust the first with their body.

and that really struck me. because I don't know a single person I trust with my body. i couldn’t imagine it. it was revolting to consider, and i was disgusted thinking about an imaginary-me that would trust like that. what would i have trampled over on my boundaries, to be in such a position again?

and like i said, i’m asexual. i tend to cycle around whether i’m sex-positive, -neutral, -averse, or -repulsed depending on how i’m feeling. but i havent in the past been opposed to physically connecting with a partner. it’s often something that was AT LEAST a small piece of my relationships when all averaged out. i figured it was just something i’d be okay with at some point in the future.

but as vaccines rolled out and the possibility of putting my actual physical body’s safety into someone else’s hands became less of a theory and more of a THING that might happen, it was terrifying. i hadn’t realized and i DIDNT realize until i started thinking about it after that comic’s line, that i don’t trust my body to anyone but myself.

i thought i’d made this realization. this choice. to not date people and not seek it. because I didn't want to disappoint anyone when i am not as emotionally available as they would seek from a partner; that i didn’t want to be seen as cold when i cannot give of myself bc i’ve learned my own boundaries are extremely not in keeping with what the world teaches others to expect from someone who loves them. and these parts are still true but it's so much more that I do not trust anyone would want to be physical with me with good intent. even if know they’re not a bad person.

part of it is, as I’ve become more solid in my gender identity and needs, the desire to be seen in certain ways. but the expectation is the typical ‘person who'd expresses interest in my body’ would subconsciously gender it/me, would sexualize my body parts when that’s not their right. it feels like people have always either not been attracted to me (feels great, super...) or been attracted to pieces of me that i hate (also great, love it!).

before those relationships i mentioned above, i had one that was barely physical, but when it was, i had to stay within my least favored gender mode for her, and she didn’t like her body either so i couldn’t enjoy boosting her up without her feeling dysphoric about it.

i had another relationship that withheld affection when i needed comfort.

i had another relationship that “got it out of the way” in the beginning and we barely ever touched after that bc she mostly liked me for my brain. a year of goodnight kisses, and wondering what i did wrong to see the hesitation any time she reached out to me. (and like i know it’s not my fault, but at the time, it didn’t feel good.)

another was purely a kink relationship, and that was probably the best 3 months of my trusting someone else with my body. bc everything was based around negotiation and consent. it’s honestly a shame that the more recent relationship guy who was into my body has my mind associating kink with really negative stuff, bc i was always a proponent of kink doesn’t have to equal sex; and this relationship really helped me solidify that feeling, as well.

but another, i dealt with fatphobic bullshit, and [cw: mentions of past sexual assaults] he mostly wanted to sexually assault me in my sleep. [/end cw]

another i was hidden and not allowed to talk about us, bc she didn’t want her girlfriend learning she was being unfaithful.

and these are just the people i trusted with my body. like a damn fool. that’s not the physically abusive parents. the other kinds of bodily abusive adults and schoolmates. my body has NEVER BEEN SAFE except when i’m in control.

so sure, i can give the trust of my heart just fine. but i can’t imagine trusting another person with my body ever again.

and that makes me feel... so much more broken than when i first thought about it all. when i thought no, this is a boundary, and it’s good and healthy. now im not so sure. but im not willing to try, on the off chance i was right and shouldn’t be trusting anyone but myself on this.

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[wygolvillage]

my two cents on the trial. this is NOT getting into the weeds of "who is right" because i think these conclusions matter regardless of your thoughts on the matter or who is actually the one in the right, and also because i do not want to be one of those people "betting on a racehorse" or whatever or participating in the spectacle, and also bc i have very limited knowledge on the evidence itself bc i am not actively seeking it out. this is just the observations of a bystander seeing this whole phenomenon from afar

cent #1: the fact that its a defamation trial makes it more concerning to me that its happening at all. heard publically referred to herself as an abuse victim (without naming depp as the abuser) and if that is ruled as grounds for defamation i find that concerning for abuse survivors going forward. regardless of your thoughts on this specific case, abusers dragging their victims to court purely to intimidate them is already A Thing That Happens, it even happened to a musician i like (though things settled in her favor thankfully) and its a process that i can only imagine is extremely traumatic and stressful. if publically identifying yourself as a victim is "defamation" i can only imagine that this behavior would happen more frequently- regardless of who the """real victim""" in this specific case is. this is also why i find "its a domestic violence case dont derail by calling it a defamation case" unhelpful even though i understand why people say it. it being a defamation case is something i find uniquely concerning for these reasons.

cent #2: the way people are talking about this is also extremely concerning (there are already a ton of posts on why the whole social media circus over this sucks that probably put it more eloquently than i can) and this is going to probably leave a lasting and ugly mark on public discourse about abuse regardless of how things shake out. people are already acting like experts on what abuse looks like or how trauma manifests, even when theyre blatantly wrong, pulling out body language pseudoscience (which is obviously really concerning for neurodivergent people and just about anyone really), resorting to ableist or misogynist language ("that lying bitch", "shes psychotic", "she probably abused him because she has bpd", etc. i even saw a screenshot of some furry porn account saying the trial "empowered" them to add people with bpd to their dni. yeesh!) accusing victims of lying about abuse has historically already been a thing and a very harmful thing at that, if people get their prototypical example of the "lying victim" it will only grow more prevalent.

ok i lied theres a third cent: i personally care a lot about abuse not being boiled down to something only men inflict and only women suffer, bc it makes abuse harder to recognize in other kinds of relationships, but the way people are acting about this doesnt help male victims. resorting to misogynist or ableist language to "defend" a male victim even in the event that hes the one in the right doesn't help anyone! making a trial into a fandom war is invasive and shitty. the whole thing is like seeing those "and everyones too busy talking about female victims 🙄" posts turned into a whole pop culture event it sucksssss, "we need to talk more about male victims/female abusers" is a fine sentiment but its about how and why its said you know. we can talk about both i prommy its just that a lot of abusive relationships prey on already-existing power imbalances and gender is a common one

[letterstomilen]

i discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)

Childe/Zhongli, Alternate Universe (read part 2 here) When Childe's younger sister tells him about the volunteer at the library, he does not make the connection between that and his new favorite ASMR YouTuber, Rex Lapis.

Childe has a very effective method of getting through college. His little sister, who’s caught him making coffee at three in the morning on more than one occasion the past week alone, would beg to differ. 

“You’re the best older brother,” she starts off, and he’s sure she’s trying to convince herself more than him at this point, “but you need to fix your sleeping habits.” Then, because she’s his little sister, she’d flash him a smile and pat his shoulder reassuringly.

(The comment is not lost on him though. He understands his sleeping situation will eventually wear him down if it hadn’t already, but he believes if he’ll drink a coffee every morning and a Monster every night, he’ll get through three days. By the third day, he’ll hardly be coherent but that doesn’t matter because he’ll conk out for the next twelve hours and then repeat.)

“Don’t worry, Tonia,” he says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible as he contemplates whether it’s worth it or not to swallow a pill of 5-hour energy with his morning coffee. “Once break ends, I’ll get back to normal.”

“You said that six seasons ago.”

Childe frowns, trying to remember if his sleeping schedule was this dysfunctional last year. “Huh?”

“The Walking Dead seasons,” Tonia clarifies, as if she’s not twelve years old and the show is for grown adults. He thinks. He hasn’t checked Commonsensemedia ever since La Signora labeled him as a “helicopter parent” and his Netflix tab has been playing How to Get Away with Murder as background noise for the past few weeks.

Isn’t it a show about zombies though? Tonia’s sheepish smile tells it all, because it’s the same exact guilty look he had when he got caught red-handed as a kid.

(Once he remembers later, Childe promises himself, he’ll check out The Walking Dead.)

“Oh. Well. I have a lot of shows to catch up on, you know. Not to mention a ton of my professors gave me reading for over the break.”

A half lie. They did give him a lot of reading because each professor assumed that their classes were his only one, and with seven days left, he still has a textbook worth of reading to go through. But there are no shows that Childe would sacrifice his precious sleep for. As a matter of fact, he would love to sleep. He’s spent the majority of his classes back in high school sleeping and faking attention, saving his grade at the last minute — it was quite the extreme sport really, if he says so himself.

Whenever he tries to sleep recently, his thoughts run at several hundred miles per hour, and he spends several hours staring at the ceiling before succumbing to the computer at his desk and watching trashy movies. At this point, he must have gone through the entire romance comedy list on Netflix. (Not a proud point in his life but if anybody ever wanted him to give a list of best to worst romance comedy movies, he now has one.)

Tonia, on the other hand, isn’t incredibly convinced.

Admittedly, the excuse was lame. Also, he can’t easily lie to his little sister, who’s far shrewder than he takes her for at times.

“You never start your reading in advance. You like to speed read it right before your class or watch a five-minute video on the chapters while your teachers take attendance. But that’s… uh, ‘a bad work ethic.’” Tonia looks immensely proud of herself as she says this, finishing it off with, “Zhongli told me that.”

“Zhongli?” he repeats, trying to remember if that’s one of her classmates or some stranger that’s hoping to kidnap his sister.

“The guy that volunteers at the library sometimes. He recommended me a loot of good books to read, but he talks like an old man.”

“How old?” Childe can tell she’s enjoying this — talking about her new friend at the library that he’ll probably have to run a background check on.

“Like he’s in his sixties or something. But he looks… actually, he looks your age! And he’s a student too. I told him all about you.”

Well, that doesn’t sound very reassuring coming from the mouth of a twelve-year-old. He’s not sure if that translates to his social security number, his current dilemma, or just that he’s her older brother.

“Like all of the stories you told me when I was a kid. And then when Lumine came to pick me up, she stayed to show him pictures of you too.”

“Of course she did,” he mumbles, ruffling her hair. One of these days he’s going to move without telling his classmates and the twins won’t enter his apartment unannounced. (But Tonia adores their company and the stories they tell her far too much for him to actually do it. But that doesn’t mean he’s above making threats when they tell his little sister about the bet he made about white-out and how it could dye hair. The jury is still out on this one.) “She’s just mad because I get away with it and she doesn’t. But don’t do it yourself. It’s a bad habit,” he adds, remembering that he should at least try to be a good influence on his younger sister when he can.

“Okaaay,” she says unconvincingly, before shaking her hair and running off to her room with lunch he prepared for her.

Watching her close the door and no doubt continue her binge of The Walking Dead, he takes out his phone and texts Lumine.

 Childe

12:35

ur a horrible influence on tonia

 Childe

12:35

and whos this ZHONGLI

 Childe

12:35

also is twd appropriate for 12 y/os

 Twin 1

12:37

a normal person would say hi

 Twin 1

12:37

also 1. me n aether watched it when we were 12 so probably and 2. some guy at the library that also goes to our school

 Well. At least he’s somebody they know. But The Walking Dead?

 Childe

12:38

thats not very convincing

 Childe

12:38

also dont ppl DIE? get BITTEN???? what if she gets nightmares

 Twin 1

12:39

isnt she 12 r u telling me u weren’t watching R rated movies at 12

 Childe

12:42

thats very different from a 10 season long show that is hailed as “one of the greatest horror shows in history” and “paved the way for post-apocalyptic horror”

 Twin 1

12:42

well if she has trouble sleeping she could always watch asmr. that helps me during midterms idk

 Childe

12:42

whats asmr

 Childe

12:43

asking for my sister btw

 Twin 1

12:44

A feeling of well-being combined with a tingling sensation in the scalp and down the back of the neck, as experienced by some people in response to a specific gentle stimulus, often a particular sound.

 Childe

12:45

wtf?

 Twin 1

12:45

people on the internet make random sounds or just talk into a mic n its supposed to be very relaxing. how have u never found out abt this?????

 Childe

12:45

idk the only thing on my youtube recommended r greatest stunts and chapter review videos

 Twin 1

12:47

… makes sense

 Twin 1

12:47

check out rex lapis’ channel he looks like ur type

 Childe

12:48

i thought we were talking about my sister????

 Twin 1

12:50

[message screenshots.jpg]

 Twin 1

12:50

ya she told me everything

 Twin 1

12:50

have fun i need to convince aether to not commit arson bc of his TA

 Childe

12:51

hope he does it

He opens his Youtube app, typing in Rex Lapis and expecting Lumine’s suggestion to be a joke. Despite them being friends for nearly two years now, she’s never made any indication of knowing his type. And he’s sure he’s never been that vocal about it either, only shooting appreciative looks at history majors and paying more attention than necessary to the TA for ‘Tradition of Justice and Law.’ (It’s unfortunate that those short-term crushes never led to anything, but maybe that’s for the better seeing that Childe has never understood the appeal of relationships.)

It is an ASMR channel, judging by the ASMR playlist he finds as he scrolls through the account. The icon shows no face — only a microphone — which leaves him skeptical. Most of the video titles belong in a petrology lecture as well, which makes him even more convinced that it’s a joke. He finds a few readings of ancient literature and decides to pick ‘I discuss the classification of igneous petrology as you fall asleep during my lecture (PART 1) (ASMR)’ because that’s exactly what he needs. (Not the very moment — but ten hours later when he’s in the bed memorizing the pattern of his ceiling wondering why he stole from his fifth grade teacher’s candy jar during lunch.)

When Childe opens the video, he damn near gasps.

The man in the video is exactly his type. His eyes are a soft amber color, framed with long lashes, and it’s almost enough for him to lose his dignity and message Lumine a long thank you text about how she is always right and he’ll pay for her coffee for the following week.  He smiles at the screen, albeit a little sheepishly, dark hair framing his face with a long ponytail that Childe can’t see the end of. On his right ear, there are a pair of earrings with a single feather that brush against his neck when he moves his head.

Even before he speaks, Childe is mesmerized, sure he’ll already memorize his features from the curve of his nose to the way he tilts his head, displaying the expanse of his neck.

Really — he reminds him of actors in historical dramas, the way he sits regally, and how he speaks. His voice is low and slow as he adopts a careful manner of speaking, leaning into the mic.

“I’m Rex Lapis, and I’ll be discussing igneous petrology today, which is part one in a three-part petrology series. I apologize in advance, seeing that my knowledge is limited compared to many petrologists out there but my friend Venti said that many of my viewers are here for my voice, so I’m very excited to start today’s video.”

Holy shit.

For the following week, Childe learns less about petrology, the philosophy of economics, and historical revisionism concerning matters of war and more about Rex Lapis, who is not in love with his voice but often finds himself in the middle of long tangents without explanations. His favorite book series is the Legend of the Lone Sword, which he says he’ll look forward to reading out loud for the channel. (Childe replays that part of the video again and again, captivated by his excitement as he mindlessly taps the mic while he speaks, his tangent cutting off mid-word — as it usually does, much to his dismay.)

His guilty obsession is not lost on Tonia, who realizes that instead of drinking Monster every night he’s been engrossed in his phone completely, often not noticing her or when the water starts bubbling. But because his sleeping schedule has been alleviated, she says nothing until Lumine comes over as she always does, not forgetting their weekly schedule of watching trashy movies while leeching off of Childe’s food.

Because he doesn’t trust the twins with the kitchen — even if they can cook — she instead spends her time sitting next to Tonia and spreading more of her anti-Childe propaganda while they wait. This usually involves Tonia occasionally calling out Childe’s name and asking, “Is that true?” or “Did you really do that?”

This time is different though.

Worried that Lumine finally decided to show Tonia a video of last semester’s presentation, he leans over, looking at the computer screen.

And he’s wrong. Unfortunately. Maybe it should’ve been his presentation because even if he botched it and accidentally projected his work process — screaming notes and all — to the class instead of his actual presentation, it would’ve been better than the two of them watching one of Rex Lapis’ videos together.

The ‘I read Erosion: Essays of Undoing to you as it rains outside’ video, to be specific, which is where Rex Lapis is embarrassed by Venti mid video when asked if this was his idea of a date with a lover. (And then it ends with Rex Lapis asking for video suggestions from the commentors, his face still flushed from the previous comments.)

Oh God — oh fuck.

“So he is your type,” Lumine says, her expression a bit too smug for his liking. Tonia looks half awake, scrolling through articles as the video plays, more interested in ‘Top 10 Glenn Rhee Moments’ than Childe’s crush. Her expression is a bit guilty as she does so — she’s biting her lip and avoiding his gaze, but he assumes that it’s just because they went through his YouTube history.

“I can neither confirm nor deny that statement,” he retorts, but the YouTube history she pulls up once Tonia hands the computer over to her says it all. (It’s quite mortifying, really — even Tonia is giving him a look, but it’s not as bad as Lumine’s shit eating grin.)

“Well… he does have a nice voice,” Childe finally says, thinking that perfectly encompasses his most recent obsession. Because he does have a nice voice — it’s soothing and speaks to him without really speaking to him directly. (The good looks are a bonus, he assures himself. A fantastic bonus, but a bonus nonetheless.)

“He does,” Tonia confirms, smiling toothily up at him, and he resists the urge to ruffle her hair with Lumine staring at him so skeptically. “But I don’t understand much of what he’s saying. He — heh — talks like an old man.”

“Don’t worry, Tonia, your brother likes him because he’s attractive,” Lumine informs her, now fast forwarding on one of Rex Lapis’ videos. “Did you know that he lives nearby?”

“Huh?”

The knife he’s holding clatters to the floor, and the two look down and back up at him with— hold on, why does it feel like they’re in on a secret he doesn’t know about?

“Yeah, he’s working on his grad thesis I think… Aether told me it was about something on history,” she muses. “That’s why I recommended his channel to you. He’s a bit of a celebrity in his department.” Childe’s sure his jaw dropped now, trying to maintain his facial expression as he takes out a new knife to chop up the onions.

“Really,” he tries to say as calmly as possible, wondering how he should accompany Aether to his lectures without trying to seem as obvious as possible. His voice is a bit shaky he realizes but he can’t quite make the connection between Rex Lapis and actual graduate student that goes to his university.

“Yeah, actually…” Lumine is definitely pretending to think now, enjoying this far too much. “He—”

“It’s Zhongli!” his little sister yells excitedly, practically jumping up and down at this point as if she won the lottery. “Zhongli runs an ASMR channel and he talks just like that in real life! Right, Lumine?”

“Yeah.”

Childe sighs, holding a hand up to his face. The realization that he’s been obsessed with the same guy that hears about every stupid thing he did secondhand is way too much — and the fact that he’s been listening to his voice every night before he went to bed the past week is way too much. He’s sure his face is redder than before judging by the amused expressions on Lumine’s and Tonia’s faces — really, they’re mirror images of each other right now.

Not for the first time, Childe swears to himself that he’ll never let her into his apartment without signing a contract ever again.

[scandeniall]

Dear Diary

song 1: dear diary |  good & bad masterlist | prev | next

Pairing: sakusa x reader

Summary/warnings: life has been kicking your ass yet you don’t want to tell sakusa/profanity

WC: 1.5K

“How’ve you been,” you paused debating on answering honestly or not. Switching your phone to speaker, you fiddled with the covers resting beneath your fingers before sighing out. “I miss you Yoomi.” A silence comes settled through the phone line. “How are you doing?” The insistence of your well being causes another sigh to escape your lips. Of course he could tell that something was off even through the phone and a part of you curses his observational skills. “Im just--really fucking stressed,” you mutter out reluctantly. 

“Have you been taking care of yourself? Eating real meals and getting proper sleep?” The questions being rattled off on the other side of the phone causes you to crack a small smile at his concern. You could only imagine the furrow in his brows at the thought of a lack of concern for your own health. You almost miss the ending of the questions as he tells you not to lie to him. Your silence causes Sakusa to sigh on the line. 

“Sometimes I hate how much you really know me.” You voice the thoughts that had previously been in your head. Sakusa could hear the slightest of background noise as you maneuver yourself under the warm comforter and shifted to get comfortable. “Do you need me to come home.” The words aren’t phrased as a question, and that causes you to quickly shake your head despite the fact that he couldn't see that.

“No-no. Yoomi, it's fine. I just- I just need to get my mind right and relax. I just needed to hear your voice tonight, that's all.” You tell him, despite wanting nothing more than for him to be back with you.He’d been on the road for the last month, a series of away games and such. And right before he left, you’d been out of town on a major business trip. It seemed as if time nor luck were your friend. It’d been at least a month and a half since the two of you were anywhere near one another. He’d still be gone another month and all either of you could do was wait it out. 

The silence that followed your response was telling. You could already imagine the way Sakusa has his eyes narrowed in thought. Thinking about whether he should push for your well being or let it go for now. The quietest sigh escaped his mouth from the other side of the phone. He’d made his decision. “I miss you too. I’ll be home soon.” 

Life after that phone call seemed to grow progressively worse. Not only had you and Sakusa not been able to squeeze in another talk in the following week, but life sucked. Your job has been giving you more and more responsibility, and allowing you more freedom. On one hand that was great, a celebratory text sent to your boyfriend at the talks of you in for a promotion, however it was tiring. You were coming home later and later, exhausted and starting to neglect your own health.

It’s not you were intentional in the neglect. It just felt too damn hard to come home after a long day and cook a healthy and fulfilling meal. When you were home you were suddenly reminded of just how empty the apartment was without Sakusa. Dust that was normally absent due to his cleanliness began to appear. Dishes piled up more than he would have liked. Whenever you did bother to straighten up at least for his sake, it drained you. 

Adulthood was really kicking your ass and it came to a head one night when you woke up sweating. As if life couldn’t drag you down even more, your AC had gone out right during the hottest part of the summer. Come morning you found out that your landlord had gone on vacation and could not and would not be able to fix the unit for at least a week. 

So you’d done what you usually did. Sucked it up and forced yourself to push through. Not a word of your woes to Sakusa who had more important matters to attend to other than your slump. You went to work, exhausted yourself there and dragged your feet into the dreaded heat of your apartment. 

Upon entering you were automatically hit with a wave of heat, making your already sluggish steps heavier. Kicking your shoes off you offhandedly waved hello to the person seated on the couch before dragging yourself towards the kitchen like it was completely normal. A moment later you stopped in your tracks. “Yoomi?”

The slightest nod from your boyfriend caused you to blink in surprise before launching yourself into his arms. “What are you doing here,” you muttered as his hands ran up and down your back. Pulling away slightly you eyed him. He looked tired. Eyes unusually sunken and you noticed the tiniest sheen of sweat across his forehead. You went to pull away knowing the touch paired with the heat would likely make him uncomfortable. To your surprise, the hands wrapped around your middle didn’t make any moves to release you. “You needed me so I came home.”

You felt a squeeze in your heart as your arms tightened wrapped around his shoulders. “But I didn't say anything—“

“Your voice. On the other week. And then your texts were different.” Of course he noticed. The conversation had already signaled to him that you weren’t the best. Your shaky exhales as you insisted that you were fine and that he didn’t need to come home. Then he noticed the jokes within your texts began to slowly subside. You’d also found yourself saying that you missed him more than usual. “So you came back?”

“I have a 3 day weekend this week. Then I’m back to practicing.” You nodded in understanding the two of you releasing one another and you noticed Sakusa frown. “Why’s it hot?” You explained about the broken AC and about the suffering you’ve endured for the past 2 days. “Did you get any more fans?” He looked annoyed once you denied purchasing any additional appliances knowing he’d had to get that done for you. “You know you’re more susceptible to nosebleeds in the heat right?”

“Thank you Dr. Omi,” you teased, laughing at his scowl from the nickname. The two of you settled onto the couch, your head coming to rest on his shoulder. “It’s common knowledge.” His replies allow a lightness to settle in your heart. One you hadn’t felt in weeks. The two of you settle into a silence for a little while his hand rubbing soft circles on your knee. “You need to take better care of yourself. And tell me when you need me.”

“I didn't want to take you away from your busy schedule,” you hum out. You feel the movement against your knee stop, a former grip replacing it. “I don't care how busy I am, I’m here. Now stop being annoying and tell me things.” You feel yourself jokingly roll your eyes before agreeing. However that wasn’t enough as you heard the scoff from next to you. 

“I’m serious. You remember what you told me back in college”

“Pretty sure I told you a lot of things back then,” you tease, taking his closest hand and interlocking your fingers. “You believed in me,” he started catching your eyes. “Told me you always knew there was no limit to me. That means I can handle it. Don’t feel like you’re annoying me.” Your eyes widened at how he remembered that very specific moment. 

It was around 4 years ago. He’d just told you that he signed to MSBY, something everyone around him was dying to know. Yet you were the first person he told. He remembered how your eyes beamed as you sat on his lap, your phone camera in his face recording the moment for memories sake. He didn’t even bother swatting it away like he usually did. He’d allowed you to place messy kisses all across his face despite the feel of your tacky chapstick. “Why do you remember that,” you questioned a soft smile gracing your own features. 

You notice the shrug of his shoulders as he helped to to sit you sideways into his lap. “Doesn’t matter. Now tell me what’s wrong. And then we’re going to get some fans.” You nodded leaning so that your lips met his for a soft kiss. “I really missed you,” you murmured into the kiss. And while he was only there for the weekend it was enough. He came home for you. The one who has loved and supported him with open arms for the past 5 years. He’d be damned if he didn’t try to make up for it. 

So you told him everything on your mind. Laughing every time he scolded you for the little things. “Don’t let the dust build up by the time I get back next month.” To “You need to sleep more.” And in return you got the same. You got the story from the exhaustion laced in his eyes. The hours it took to get to you, and the germs he forced himself to sit through to make it happen. And despite the annoying heat in the apartment, neither of you have felt that good in a while.

a/n: wow i FINALLY got at least 2 consective songs in a row done so now my prev/next is relevant for at least 2 parts. This took a different route than I initially planned for, nor is it exact in its storytelling. It was also started 2 months ago and finished now bc it was kinda hard for me. Anyways hi um did you catch the no limit to you ref? bc yeah i love that and to date still my fav piece ive ever written. you dont have to read that to understand this but its 5.4k words if you have some spare time.

anyways: im about to be on an 8hr car ride so feel free to request stuff. rules 

[yahargul]

This whole cultural appropriation discourse is a bit confusing to me though, bc while I do get it, it also seems to be kind of western - us centric? Or at least that's what I got reading opinions of asian people online. The concept itself doesn't seem to exist or at least be as spread in Asia, and if that's true, then I don't get people's angry reaction... Shouldn't we consider the context?? I honestly don't know what to think lol

antiblackness and colorism are global and these are still problems in asia just as much as they are problems anywhere else (my gf is filipino and she will tell you for DAYS about the antiblackness whew). the only real difference between “western” (the way i feel weird about lumping black people in w/ westerners in the first place....anyway) and asian views on ca is that there isn’t the same historical baggage when it comes to asian people interacting with black culture but that is absolutely not an excuse anymore when korea and china are building huge industries using motown groups as their blueprint. you can’t simultaneously claim ignorance about black culture while peeking at black mainstream artists for your cheat sheet. fans can’t talk about how knowledgeable yibo is about hip hop culture and then in the same breath say he couldn’t possibly know enough about black culture to understand what is offensive -- you can’t have it both ways. if you wanna be recognized and respected in the hip hop industry then you need to defer to the people who built it in the first place. you need to respect black artists as people instead of thinking anything black people do is up for grabs because it’s popular.  anyway i am not personally out here to cancel yibo cause the problem is way way bigger than one individual and the entire premise of having a show based on black culture where no black people have a say was a mistake to begin with, and we’re not even getting into the bigger idol industry as a whole and their antiblackness. i completely sympathize with other black people who are completely done with him though cause international voices are so limited (twt is banned in chn and the domestic market is so huge they dont care about our money) that it’s unlikely we will see an apology at all. but people def need to stop acting like somehow asian people - who are on twitter, where black people complain about this type of shit daily in kpop and cent fandoms - can keep claiming ignorance when i know you see and hear us :\\\\ when it comes to our culture you need to defer to us about how this stuff makes us feel