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fanofthelamb · 2 days

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Hey just wanted to say about the most recent comic, I hope you dont feel bad or shame about it!! Its very lovely and I will personally fight anyone who says otherwise.

hehe ty,,,,,, this ask has been on my mind for a while tbh. it makes me feel so nice <3 so here's some sketches, new and old!!!!!!!!! ill throw it all under a cut so ppl dont drown in all the pics. enjoy anon!!!!!!! (sketch dump the squeakquel!!!!!!!!!!!!)

i made these like 3 weeks ago but i only really posted a cropped version w/ just the giant kallamr squid , featuring @aychama and @paintpaintpaintman lambs :D

i've been sitting on them bc i wasnt entirely sure about how everyone felt about each other, and while i still am not I feel like everyone likes each other at least!!!

i also wanted to draw people's lambs reliving a bunch of my childhood memories, but i felt the idea wouldn't be accepted because i don't know how many people would related to em. these sketches are new since all i had was a jpeg of thumbnails, but they are @paintpaintpaintman , @spiderin-space , and my lambs!! the first pic is just them enjoying some honeysuckles, trying to buy some candy at the weekend market, and visiting kids in better looking neighborhoods than they lived in AHHSASHHSA i dont think i care to complete this but it is really fun drawing the lambs being lambs.

a sketch of heket nd leshy i appearantly NEVER posted because i wasnt happy with how leshy turned out. a shame, really.

i also wanted to draw all the cultists in different outfits, but it turns out i really was not interested in finishing it at the time. i do think valefar and narinder turned out kinda cute tho !!!!!!!

some motherfuckers WAY too happy to see a corpse (i still think its hilarious when my whole cult gathers around a corpse and makes googoo eyes at it what is their problem LMAOOOOO)

i ended up changing how i draw the 3 wives so the wifestack is no longer relevant (also there's 2 more that werent existing when this was drawn) but i still look at it sometimes. i think we should stack every wife on top of each other.

and the last one is part of me figuring out how i wanted the lamb. ive always known i wanted them JACKED i just cant decide how ripped i want this lil bastard. i think the current lamb is a good fit for me personally.

anyway that's doodlestack jr,,,,,,,,,,,,, SORRY FOR THE PINGS TO EVERYONE I PINGED I LOVE U GUYS LMFAO <33333333333 and everyone else CHECK OUT EVERYONE I PINGED THEY ALL MAKE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING CONTENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#this was my last ask so im done for now!!#i didnt have many and the others ive gotten i decided to delete for various reasons #I HOPE YALL ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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amerasdreams · 2 years

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What are the chances anyone on here still respects or even likes me

I doubt anyone on here doesn't despise me, at least some.

I reallt shouldnt blare all my insecurities on here. Needing an outlet. I wasn't going to. :( bc tumrblr isn't emotional support. But I get in the mode where i don't care.

Then I regret it.

No one can take me seriously... no one can really want to associate with me other than watching a train wreck. So.

I either have to learn to become something

Or just. Resist putting my feelings on here. How.

Much nicer if I could make a persona that was proud and arrogant and stick to it

But I hate lying, so

I have to become something irl somehow. On my own. With no support.

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year

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something he can't put into words.

#ANOTHER DAIGO POST!!!! <333 #also sorry for being like teehee yaoi dojima anyway daigo can't/probably shouldn't be close to his bio dad and latched onto this random #20 year old but Doesnt Quite recognize what is so wrong about sohei and so right about kiryu and how he should feel about either #meaning he cant fulfill his true desire (baby duck around kamurocho with his babysitter who's probably got better things to do bc people #always have better things to do than take care of him but at least kiryu pretends he enjoys it #for hours and hours and hours. some of the others ask him how he is or what he's up to at school but they don't really reach him like kiryu #does. he wants to impress him soooo bad. aughhh baby daigo you're annoying but you're also so emotionally neglected #haha latching onto mentors bc they're more involved/easier to connect to than parents haha who would do that not me ahem uh anyway #(skrunks be normal about and not project onto a kiryu + child dynamic challenge: impossible)#anyway he can't just say sohei's his father bc he's a big crime daddy but he hasn't really.. accepted? whats going on with kiryu yet either #i dont think he knows kiryu's his dad is my point #rgg #ryu ga gotoku #yakuza #dojima daigo #like a dragon #daigo dojima #ykz #i accidentally saved over soo many versions of this so i had to be like fuck it we ball. thats the final version of that panel now #gonna schedule this for later today bc i dont wanna stifle the kazumi posts but i also uh. am impatient #anyway more little daigo content he's such an ass but it makes so much sense why he's like that and he deserves a whole lotta love #also i just realized i used different name orders for kiryu and yayoi... sorry idk im just incapable of writing kazuma kiryu #uhOOPS POSTED IT EARLY NVM #yer gettin a loootta skrunk content today ig #skrunkart

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bonetrousledbones · 9 months

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i am the only one who understands this but. sludge saturday baby

#(it is 2:34 am on a tuesday)#trousled arts #undertale #papyrus #sludge #and someone else!#dont worry about it!#atbb #pro tip. you can post spoilers if nobody knows what the hell is going on #the actual scene in my head im basing this off of is so much more intense and fucked up. but hes sillyy 😌#im really annoyed tho bc i was gonna post this with a buncha other doodles and then i hyperfixated on this one for nearly three full hours #if i manage to doodle him some more before i get my computer packed up that would be so poggers but i cant promise anything :')#does anybody still say that ... eh who cares I still say it!!!!!!!!#ahem. i am going to bed now

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months

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...

#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying #shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl #in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated #bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not #her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet #so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive #personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd #compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from #happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is #like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil #not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am #barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me #and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them #but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and #thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard #to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds #nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of #brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but #that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer #defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it #i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else #excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things #unrelated #ed mention #i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama #bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]

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goredinner · 3 days

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Bpd is so fun im really having fun really i am no im not lying promise

#i realize i make problems bigger than they should be #even while knowing that How Else Am I Supposed To Feel #the feelings are so overwhelming snd so are the thoughts #and im excruciatingly self aware always #but i still have no control #being more aware does not equal capability to control #i sure fucking wish it worked that way #as aware as i am i still cant even trust my own judgment #i feel insane always #i try my best to supress all this shit tho snd try to pretend to be normal for the sake of wanting healthy relationships #i really try so hard not get angry not to lash out not to explode and cause issues #and i do my best not to be a shitty person and do shitty things out of spite or payback or whatever #so i dont #i really try my absolute best to communicate and try to work through issues and be considerate while doing so even tho The Huge Feelings #are literslly bubbling under the surface #but like #and its so funny bc it never seems to matter lol any time i tried communicating calmly and mature the other person doesnt care half as much #so i wish i couldve just acted how i felt instead of controlling myself bc then maybe something wouldve changed maybe tht woukdve worked #maybe ppl would listen if i exploded but #i cant ever bring myself to do that #ig growing up being told i need to behave is reslly drilled into me lmao #its really like torture silently fighting inside my own head all the time where no one can see #living like this is so hard lol but who cares #out of sight of mind #out of your sight and mind anyway #so its not your problem #if you dont have bpd you should be so fucking grateful #honestly #ive never been so envious of anyone. ppl that dont have to suffer living like this

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hella1975 · 1 year

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I'm not done yet but hey are you giving zuko eldest daughter trauma because I'll fucking kill you I read ONE line it's probably the first of what's to come but I'm sending the hate ask now xoxo

ofc i wouldn't do that! he's just fistfighting a saviour complex and is eternally burdened by the responsibility of raising and caring for his sister while simultaneously being a child himself and always putting himself before the worst of the war so that azula doesn't have to all the while growing more and more rage towards the situation until it all comes out in a very cataclysmic scene that i will definitely cry at when writing :)

#he's got that fiona gallagher in him #big thief rlly went to town with mythological beauty and 'there is a child inside you who is trying to raise a child in me' v tams zukocore #the funny thing about zuko and azula's relationship is that yes it's kinda wholesome but it is still ultimately fucked #and yet i find them pretty easy to write bc i literally just go 'what would me and my sister be like in this situation'#like ive said before how my sister never really stepped up as the eldest and ive always felt like we shared that role #like i'll give it to her she's better at being the eldest in certain situations and im better in others #and it's always been us helping our mum bc as capable and brilliant as my mum is she's also doing everything alone #and her temper is... not great. so me and my sister took care of each other in our own way #and by 'our own way' i mean we have NEVER had a stereotypical relationship. our age gap is too small and we're both too mean #literally zuko's ch1 quote about 'they'd never been protective of each other' is directly inspired by me and my sister #i dont feel protective of her i dont feel a need to keep her safe and happy and it's really odd bc i KNOW im supposed to but i just dont #and she doesnt for me even though she's the 'eldest'. and yet i love her and would kill and die for her #and also if we were in this situation and we were trying to shield each other #from certain horrors that we thought the other couldn't handle then we'd have to be SO CLEVER ABOUT IT #bc just like zuko with azula if i caught my sister trying to patronise me/protect me i would HIT THE ROOF #like i am thoroughly convinced there is nothing she can handle that i cant and vice versa so we'd have to be soooo slick about it #and while with zuko and azula that only holds to an extent bc azula is ultimately YEARS younger than zuko #and whatever you think of her personality she just straight up should not be exposed to certain things #(neither should zuko but yk what i mean)#it still stands and we see throughout tams the v clever ways zuko has learned to protect azula so that she doesnt catch on #like either the next chapter or the one after (probs the one after) there's a really horrific scene #that's just super dark and gory and while with a normal younger sibling you'd do something to keep their eyes on you and not on the scene #like lie to them or make it into a game or something so they're unaware of what's happening #but instead zuko sees what's happening and before azula can he quickly gets her to check their supplies and count their money or some shit #like giving her a job to acknowledge her capability and not patronise her while still shielding her from a really brutal scene #and it just goes over zuko's head that at sixteen he ALSO SHOULD NOT BE EXPOSED TO THAT #but long story short i just think that's so funny. like the fire hazards are sooo fucked and for good reason #but it literally just boils down to me and my dumbass sister #so yeah. very niche eldest daughter syndrome emanating from tams zuko #ask

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bornunderpunchestheheatgoeson · 2 months

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listen if youre online arguing about what "true punk' is youre already too far gone. ok now that being said i have a secret opinion to share ⬇️

#i know how lame it is to care about ''posers'' like literally who cares we're all adults just do yo thang #but.............. the more time i spend in my local scene(s) the more i become aware of ppl who are like aspirationally alternative #like you wanna be edgy bc you think its badass and counterculture #but you dont have the backbone to do anything for yourself without worrying about how others will see you #like youre so deadset on fitting in to this one subculture but you seemingly dont particularly like anything about it?#all you want is to look cool in front of your peers so you just absorb whatever is popular with them at the time.#opinions music attitude appearance all based on whatevers trendy. which we're all guilty of i know #but why try so hard to fit into this idealistic 'punk' label. it sucks and is so lame and everyone can tell how hard youre posturing #and not to throw stones in glass houses but these ppl r so awful to talk to #seemingly never attempted an original thought in their life. speaks exclusively in twitter/tiktok/tumblr memes or buzzwords #never really listens to you and only factors in your opinion after he's run it by the ppl he wants to fit in with #um i mean they 🧍#could be thinking of a specific guy i know. maybe #anyways i think im discovering in real time what a ''poser'' is and its making me feel like a cranky old man #always have to remind myself to be empathetic and not judge too harshly bc literally who am i and who cares #but it still gets my goat occasionally!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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camptw1nk · 1 year

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I wish tumblr was. Easier

#it just feels very. hard to kinda get things going sometimes #mostly its pretty easy on kurt but i can not emphasize enough that my other blogs are not inactive bc i dont want to do things #i log on to every blog i have every day and i try to reach out to people but. really only a small handful interact #and that handful follows me everywhere and is always trying and thats very nice!! i appreciate it a LOT!!!#but when a blog is at over 100 followers and u struggle to get more than 5 people to talk to you its. discouraging #esp bc so many people will also just. not read a single thing ab ur muse #there are people who have approached me who didn't know jason had powers. when that is. plastered everywhere #and that also happened when he had the url expheiriment and his graphics were entirely fire themed #like idk i have so many muses that i love and i try so hard with but no ones as excited as i am #and thats fine i dont expect them to get excited ab every muse its just. idk it feels like so much work to go on my other blogs #bc i show up and try to get interactions and a couple people send memes in but those memes wont always lead to more #i keep going to multimuse blogs so that i dont. have so many blogs that are ignored and i can tell myself im active and people care but #its usually only the same handful of muses that people care about #so ill make a solo blog for a passion muse but they're not one of the ones people were there for so it goes nowhere #idk im just. im very tired of tumblr but i dont want to leave you know #i just. idk i want to feel more like this is a fun little hobby and i can enjoy it but i dont. know how to do that #negative cw

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clonerightsagenda · 1 year

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cuntboy-official

bad kepler takes? im listening

Love that you knew exactly who I was talking about.

Because I am stuck waiting for the dishwasher to finish I will post my Complaint untagged but I want people to know this was solicited. I'm not trying to provoke people with different interpretations.

Basically to each their own, and I know my read of the character trends toward the unsympathetic, but I am bewildered by assertions I see regularly that Kepler was broken up over or even fazed by Maxwell dying. When Jacobi gives his heartfelt eulogy, Kepler is making snide comments about only attending the funeral for the food. He complains about his hand ("Big deal. I just lost command of this station. I just lost a hand.") but noticeably does not complain about losing an entire human being. In Dirty Work once he realizes Jacobi is pissed about Maxwell's death, his response is incredulous: "After everything you've seen, you're still not over -." The idea that someone might still be grieving about their friend and teammate being shot in the head is so wild to him that he is blindsided by it.

And it's important that this is the case, because that's why Jacobi turns on him. If Kepler had shown any kind of remorse or sympathy, I honestly don't think Jacobi would've defected. Even at the very end, after Kepler has let him get puppeted around for two weeks and is allegedly cool with wiping out and replacing the human race, Jacobi is still willing to let him come crawling back if he would just say sorry. Belonging to a group and being part of something is important to Jacobi, and Kepler not turning a hair over Maxwell dying indicates that they were never valued as much as he thought they were. ("You treated me like one of them".)

I do think Kepler gives an atrophied fuck about what happens to Jacobi, albeit not enough that it does either of them any good in the end. But I do not think he gave much of a damn about Maxwell beyond her value as an asset, and tbh I suspect the feeling was mutual. Jacobi was there because he values group membership and validation. Maxwell valued the resources Goddard could provide; she didn't need pats on the head.

#cuntboy-official #replies #Kepler has spent an unspecified amount of time deliberately making himself into someone who doesn't care about other people #and sees them as handy buttons to press and levers to pull #and it takes one of those carefully calibrated tools going 'fuck you' for him to go oh uh #is that a human being. what do you do with those again #and then he's rendered himself unable to answer that question and dies for it among other things #but even when he is taking those tiny last baby steps of like.#acknowledging that people may have actual feelings #he Still does not indicate any kind of regret over Maxwell #idk I know si5 evil found family is popular but I am more amused by a triangle with t he sides of #fucked up vaguely homoerotic and lopsided whatever the fuck THAT is #besties #and two people who dont' really care if the other one lives or dies but are being professional about it #so you know. regular coworkers mostly #the one rebuttal here is him pulling out the stops to rescue her that time she got trapped in the lab #but imo based on how he reacts elsewhere this was more bc he needed her to control hera #than bc of personal feelings #wolf 359

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skrunksthatwunk · 16 days

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found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know.#at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow?#it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker.#i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time.#but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him.#im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more?#just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him.#she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on.#she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him?#so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea.#but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

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larnax · 9 months

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it is kinda crazy the degree to which im neurotically picking apart every comment i ever make to be absolutely sure im being fair to everyone involved and not overstepping and not exaggerating and accepting that other people are allowed to be messy when theyre upset and then its just like not reciprocated at all even a little bit. i cant even say what im upset about bc i will delete it two seconds later. which is so annoying right. im like a cross between a centrist and a monk

#c.paradisi #this isnt even abt anyone i know i am letting myself be upset by random peopleonthe internet again. sorry do you still love me #and i dont have anyone i can talk to about it bc what if i AM exaggerating or being unfair in my true feelings #honestly i am jealous of people who just automatically assume theyre morally superior and dont care abt anyone who isnt exactly like them #like sure theyre the source of my problems but it must be nice to just not have to think about tha.t you know #BUT LIKE AGAIN im not even helping anyone with this??????#its more annoying to interact with me bc im so neurotic about this so im really noncommittal and vague #idk. they should make a self awareness that just makes your problems go away once you can articulate them #WHATEVER. this is probably mostly me trying to avoid thinking abt all the other bad stuff happening right now #i guess ill just go back to hoping the friends i never message will clairvoyantly know to check up on me

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haemosexuality · 11 months

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these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably #bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice #and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me #bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to #did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others?#no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really #likeable. so ill take what i can get #when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start.#treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember #this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend #will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and #now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen #years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow?#when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her #to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all #and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things #and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk #to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl #because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant #connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just #not have anyone forever #i guess #especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks #Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the #gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl #and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively #and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday-#anyways. certified magnus archives moment

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forbiddennhoney · 10 months

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do any other autistics struggle with family because you want so desperately to be understood by them but, even when they mean well, they just Fundamentally Misunderstanding what u are saying? like u could literally tell them "i am not feeling upset or angry, i want to do this thing, there is just a little resistance mentally because it is a stressful task/behavior/thing. think of it like doing an exercise but adding a resistance band you know? like it just is taking extra effort i didnt account for but i will be okay!" and they interpret it as you saying"i am triggered, this is upsetting, this has to happen right now or never, i am going to cry from stress" and then try to comfort you but its like!!!! im not upset!!!!! but im Becoming upset bc im trying to explain my perspective and being treated like im broken and need gentleness when i dont really need ANYTHING other than like "alr cool sorry ur struggling" (and i can say this all Explicitly and even give a demo/mock convo of what feels good for me when sharing and its like in one ear and out the other)

#personal #i have this issue with lots of ppl to be fair i just also like #i dont know what im doing that everyone reads any emotion communication from me as me having a breakdown #i know i use a lot of words but i literally cannot be succint bc i end up missing vital pieces of info #and i think its harder w family cause socially i know this is the structure im supposed to rely on #but how can i rely on people for emotional support if they cant even understand when i am (or arent) upset #like why cant people trust me!#tbh this also bites me in the ass in the opposite way cause ik they're reading between the lines to get to the conclusions w ne #and then when they tell me things i Dont read between the lines bc it takes SO much effort for me and i dont wanna be on like that #bc its exhausting and so i respond and suddenly i dont care enough or im so cols #its just exhausting #esp when like..... the only ppl in my family who really understood this frustration i experience are either dead or i am estranged from #for other reasons unrelated to this #venty vent #i blame this on my autism mostly bc it impacts EVERY relationship i have not just family #family just happens to be the reasoning this time

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orcelito · 1 year

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also THIS,,,

from the Big Fall. 20 million casualties, 60 million missing (could be assumed now residents of Gunsmoke?)

802 ships destroyed. 74 emergency landings. 124 ships missing.

these are some fucking statistics.

we know that there are 7 main cities: April, May, Jeneora Rock, July, Augusta, Octovern, and December

but then there are other locations like November, New Miami, Valdour, Carcasses (in South Cornelia), Ripmela, Meldreck, Nouve Town Muncipal, & New Santiago...

there are mentions of ships being the center of towns, like Nouve Town Muncipal Ship (the location where Knives kills Everyone in the location). & we see these ships being the center of so many towns

im going to need to make a comprehensive guide for all these locations bc GOD there are so many locations. and if these stats are to be believed, then there are at LEAST 74-124 ish (maybe up to 198??) potential locations for ships that people could have built residences around. this could be as big as the giant ships that act as the basis for the main cities, or as small as the tiny little gas station we see built around one plant bulb that fell from a ship.

there are so many potential cites around this planet, & i'm taking note of every place that is mentioned. im Going to build a comprehensive guide on all the locations of Gunsmoke Yet.

#speculation nation #fanny reads trigun #fanny's trigun analysis #trigun spoilers/#?? i guess #a lot of this is spitballing. i highly doubt there would be that many established places #but who knows. there's a world's potential out there. so much we dont see.#it takes at times Weeks to travel between places. or 5-6 days of constant biking.#this place is Big. largely unexplored. so much that could happen here.#i want to sink my fingers into All of it. what were you thinking Nightow? I want to Know.#whether any of this is thoroughly mapped out or not. im GOING to map it out. not quite in a literal map sense lol but just #conceptually. im going to at least know what all the places are.#in my multiple rereads i am conducting im going to really get this all down. may or may not share my notes with others if ur curious #like i Guess i might as well share? idk. i dunno how much other ppl would care.#i care bc of fanfic purposes. that's why i do such thorough analysis. im trying to figure out all the secrets for a 20 years old manga #and i WILL find them out. Mark my Fuckin words.

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snekdood · 1 year

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Im so tired of acting the way i think some ppl on here think i should act. Im tired of assuming theyre seeing me through the lens my ex provides for them. Im tired of feeling like nothing i say or do matters anyways because people have made up their mind about me and refuse to try to see me in another light. I know who I am and I know what im like and im tired of trying to almost essentially help people see me change my behavior for the better from something i never even was? Because i guess i feel like if i act like most people dont know about the issues between me and my ex that means other people will think im just *pretending nothing is wrong or happening*. It feels like i cant win either way. I cant play pretend as this horrible person whos trying to reform and have people allow me the chance to actually change and recognize that change and i cant also be myself and just know myself without people thinking im just ignoring this thing that isnt even a thing i need to work on or ever even fucking did. Im so tired of feeling convinced that other people are convinced im horrible and having to work from there and having to try to navigate that situation and get someone to see my side of things because ive just come to the conclusion that some people just will refuse to and idk. Theres nothing i can do in this situation. I just know i didnt deserve any of it.

#im like one of the most careful fucking people in the world istg #even before all of this but now especially after this bc im operating under the assumption that ppl see me as if im not #i almost feel brainwashed by what i think others perception of me is like online.#and then i try to go through the steps i think someone who did fo those things would do. or as if i did do those things and what id do #in that situation afterward. but i didnt do those things. and i dont need to live and operate as if i did to prove to other ppl i have the #emotional and mental maturity that i do #i dont need to sit here and let people gaslight me into their perception of me or at least what i think it is #i am such a good stinky lil guy. its people like my ex and the people around them online that brought out all this bitterness in me.#i resent those people so much. and i cant help but feel like theyre all stalking me still all the time. they want me to live like that too #like im in a panopticon. but this is what im saying- if i move on like i know myself and operate as myself the way ik myself #THOSE PEOPLE will come around and then act like im ignoring the situation with my ex and 'trying to escape responsibility'#i dont know why i feel so obedient to their perception. i mean i guess i know why like probably bc of my brother pushing me into a box #and me feeling like i have to stay in there or be abused. i feel the same way with my ex- if i dont act like ive been in the box they put #me in this whole time then they are going to get mad at me and try to come after me more i feel like.#i feel like thats when theyre really going to try to sic their followers or friends after me.#idk but im going to stop. i dont care how you see me. its not real. its not true. it never was. i was abused by this person and thats the #final truth about it. im not saying i couldnt have been reactively abusive sometimes with them but all the things they say i did #that they did to me but say i did but x10 worse? no. fuck off. thats not fucking me. you DONT KNOW ME. YOU HAVENT BEEN AROUND ME #ALL MY LIFE GROWING UP. IF YOU KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW ID NEVER DO THAT SHIT. YOU WOULD FUCKING KNOW THAT.#which is why i know you dont know me. none of you do. im tired of operating the way i think you want me to.#im tired of trying to empathize with people i dont want to LIKE my ex or my brother or my sister or my dad #im tired of trying to see things the way they do. how my ex is probably just this dumb scared kid inside who does dumb shit and doesnt #think about the consequences and doesnt care about the consequences of their actions because their only priority is #self preservation. like i dont care. i understand but i dont care. they still hurt me. they still did what they did to me.#they still know they did something wrong otherwise they wouldnt have started this whole smear campaign.#im tired of trying to sympathize with them. give them a million chances to change. do what i can to encourage them to actually have empathy #even towards the people they hurt and like to smear.#because they dont do the same for me. i know. i know theyre still shit talking me. i know they cant stop because if they did theyd have to #have more empathy about me on a whole lot of things they dont want to think about bc they dont want to feel about how they treated me #and continue to treat me by keeping up this narrative abt me online. they dont give a fuck so why am i extending so much to them.

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