#like ive said before how my sister never really stepped up as the eldest and ive always felt like we shared that role

[hella1975]

I'm not done yet but hey are you giving zuko eldest daughter trauma because I'll fucking kill you I read ONE line it's probably the first of what's to come but I'm sending the hate ask now xoxo

ofc i wouldn't do that! he's just fistfighting a saviour complex and is eternally burdened by the responsibility of raising and caring for his sister while simultaneously being a child himself and always putting himself before the worst of the war so that azula doesn't have to all the while growing more and more rage towards the situation until it all comes out in a very cataclysmic scene that i will definitely cry at when writing :)

[romanovanoff]

bio says black widow stories but i do like to dabble with other characters too. ill have a full list on another post.

YOU & I

A Bellatrix & Tom Riddle story

part one

characters:

bellatrix black

tom riddle

narcissa black

andromeda black

druella black

rodolphus lestrange

rabastan lestrange

(tba)

relationships:

bella/tom

narcissa/lucius

andromeda/ted

(tba)

summary: tom is the new kid in school and is already popular amongst his peers. his goal is to have bellatrix black by his side when he conquers the wizarding world, and his only problem? bella is already in an arranged marriage and also wants nothing to do with him.

disclaimer: i have never read the books, and ive seen all the movies only like twice. im not a crazy fanatic potterhead, i just have an unhealthy obsession for bellatrix/helena bonham carter 😌. so apologies in advance if i make any mistakes, regarding whats canon in the harry potter universe and so on. the little things, the big things, my bad. i hope the fact that its mostly au makes up for what it lacks in accuracy.

word count: 3497

——————————

"I overheard earlier today that Hogwarts received a new student," Druella spoke as she took a sip of tea, delicately patting a napkin across her lips before gazing over at her three daughters. Bellatrix, who didn't seem interested at all in the conversation, Andromeda, who was busy scribbling something in her diary, and little Narcissa who was following along to her mother's words.

"Yes, it's true," The blonde girl, thirteen years old, responded. "I thought it strange at first but apparently he and his family were living somewhere in Europe. Tom Riddle, I think his name is. He'd been taught at home and his father had gotten a job at the ministry so they transferred him to Hogwarts."

Ever the gossip, it didn't surprise Bellatrix in the slightest that Cissy knew so much about the new student. She rolled her eyes, wondering why the hell they were even discussing this in the first place. It was just a new student, who cares? She voiced this several times out loud but had received the usual disapproving glances from the two blondes. It creeped the raven-haired witch sometimes at how much Cissy resembled their mother.

Letting out a sigh Bella swirled her spoon around in her teacup, not finding the appetite to drink nor eat the sweets that accompanied her tea. The three of them were currently in Rosa Lee's teashop, a place they often went to every other week, with permission to leave the school of course- though she didn’t ask for it most times. Usually Bellatrix would devour the treats but today she was feeling too anxious to do anything but. At seventeen years old she had stretched out her days of freedom and was now forced into a marriage that should have taken place two years ago.

The thought of marriage wasn't all that bad, if she was being honest. Sometimes when her thoughts and actions weren't clouded with hate and rage she'd daydream a not so near future of a perfect wedding. A wedding where she would be marrying someone she truly loved and could cherish, to honor their vows to the fullest extent. So the wedding itself wasn't the problem, it was who she was supposed to be wed to that was. Her long time childhood friend, Rodolphus Lestrange. And one of the very few in the sacred 28 that wasn't related to the Blacks by blood. At least that she was aware of… The thought still made her cringe, even after checking every family tapestry available and an exhausting amount of research.

Everyone wanted her to be happy about the fact she'd get to marry someone she's known for years, something most pure-bloods didn't have the honor of having, but it was the fact she knew him so well that she hated. He was like a brother to her, albeit at times an annoying and even sexist brother. He wasn't husband material and she was most certainly not wife material for him. And add to the fact that they'd be pressured to have children immediately after becoming man and wife, the thought of having sex with him made her want to gag. You'd think they'd notice that such a practice was incredibly outdated. She hated to wonder if the marriage had taken place two years ago, would they really pressure two 15 year olds to consumate? Fuck this life.

She felt like the world and everyone in it was against her. All her complaints had been shot down, leaving her inwardly seething with rage before being left totally subdued. Oh, how she hated being so… powerless, left without a voice, without a right to do what she wanted and to do so as she pleased, the ever present shadow looming over her shoulder that was the society and family she was born into.

Letting out a sigh she looked over at Andromeda who was still scribbling in that damn book. Probably instant messaging her friends, something Bellatrix didn't have the luxury of having. At least genuine ones anyway. The ones she had in school were merely vultures following around, waiting for the opportunity to eat away at the scraps she bared. They didn't hesitate to use her to their advantage, trying to play her like a fool. Idiots, they should've known she was the brightest witch of her age for a reason. And no one took advantage of Bellatrix Black.

Despite still being superior she continued feeling a bitter pang in her heart, knowing no one truly cared for her there. Well, maybe except for her sisters, Rodolphus and his brother that is.

Catching her eyes on what she was doing Andromeda quickly closed her book and narrowed her eyes at her eldest sister. But then a familiar smirk curled the girls lips and Bellatrix knew what was going to happen before her sister could even utter a word. She knew that smirk anywhere. Bella herself wore that smirk on several occasions, actually even taught it to her dear sister! If only mother knew how truly naughty Andy was, maybe then the heat wouldn't fall upon Bella so heavily when she did something that displeased her.

"Mother," Andromeda chimed in, interrupting Cissy's conversation with the older woman. "Bellatrix is right. Why not talk about something else."

"Andy…" The dark haired witch warned, fingers clenched around her spoon.

"Like… Bella's wedding perhaps? Surely there are plenty of plans to discuss. Some of which I'm sure my dear sister here is needed for?" The brunette suggested 'innocently', smiling back at Bellatrix before looking at her mother.

Druella blinked once, then twice before she brightened up. Damnit, Andy, Bella thought to herself angrily, glaring daggers at her younger sister. "You're right! We only have a short few weeks before the big day and still so much to do. How about we end this little meal early and say we go to one of the boutiques nearby, check up on your wedding dress," Druella said as she rose from her seat.

And so that's what they did. They went to the boutique, checked the incredibly old fashioned dress, with what looked like the most painfully looking corset yet stitched into the fabric. After, they stopped by a few other shops to double check things were in order for the wedding before finally apparating home. The entire time Bellatrix had trudged along reluctantly behind her sisters and mother, offering a few weak comments and opinions for this thing and that when asked of her.

She was glad to finally be back home, finding relief in the knowledge that tomorrow morning she'd be returning back to Hogwarts, having spent the weekend with her family. On one hand she was glad she managed to extend the wedding date, convincing her parents that it might be wise that she finish her last year and take her N.E.W.T.s before focusing on 'wifely duties'. Yes, that was how she phrased it. And yes, they'd taken the bait, obviously wanting their daughter to focus on her marriage once out of school, and not caring about the intelligence hidden behind her usual mask of indifference.

She made short work separating from her family's side to make her way upstairs to her room. And then made even shorter work getting ready for bed. No one ever bothered her when she was up the stairs and hidden away. It was known to all that Bellatrix Black inherited the 'mad' gene in the family, more prone to violent outbursts and destructive tantrums. Because of this her room wasn't the prettiest, constantly being repaired and sparse so there were less objects to break. The room was also constantly being placed under a silencing charm, quieting her screams so the rest of the household could sleep peacefully. How thoughtful of them, she thought to herself bitterly.

The sun was already down by the time she emerged from the bathroom, all scrubbed up and her hair wet, the many strands in ringlets falling down her back. With her wand, she casted a quick-drying spell to both her body and hair, not bothering with any sleeping robes as she climbed into bed. Once in she blew out the candles before getting comfortable under the covers. Usually, it would be too early to go to sleep, and she'd have at least a glass or two of firewhiskey to help her doze off but she felt the whole unexpected wedding planning this afternoon was enough to do her in. Not only that but she did need to wake up early to catch the train back to Hogwarts tomorrow. So without much further thought she closed her heavy eyes and fell asleep, hoping things could be much easier in the future.

THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS

"Tom Riddle is in our class."

"I heard Tom's family is incredibly wealthy and direct descendants to Salazar Slytherin."

"It's true! I overheard him talking to snakes! Snakes!"

The whispers and excited talk continued on and on the moment Bellatrix stepped onto the Hogwarts express. If she thought Cissy talking to mother about this ‘nobody’ annoyed her, she was absolutely wrong. Hearing everyone around her discuss this Riddle boy absolutely drenched her high spirits and put her in one of her dark moods.

No one needed to look twice to know to stay away from the young witch. If dark glaring eyes didn't strike fear into her peers, then the dark energy and aura surrounding her would.

Not wanting to hear the gossip anymore Bella separated from her 'friends' and found a seating compartment for herself, only able to hold two people, but thankfully no one dared claim the other spot. She sat close to the window, forehead touching the glass, and seeming to cool her ever bubbling irritation. Trees and rolling hills passed by in a blur but she wasn't particularly watching, eyes slightly glazed over as she got lost in thought.

So lost in thought she almost didn't notice the sounds of her compartment door being slid open and a person taking a seat across from her. Blinking slowly she looked over to the 'intruder' as the door slid closed once more, leaving the two individuals with some privacy she didn't necessarily want.

The person in front of her was a young man. Probably around her age with dark brown hair, curling neatly at the front. He had bright emerald eyes, warm but she got the hint of something darker underneath, something dangerous hidden beneath the surface and ready to strike unsuspecting prey. Despite that though everything else about him seemed pretty bland. Pale skin- but not as pale as hers-, average build, and put together uniform.

"Who're you?" She found herself asking, swallowing the automatic 'get out' she was originally planning on saying. Given the fact she hasn't seen him before in this school year or any year before that, she was already dreading the answer. She wasn't even sure why she disliked him so much already. Maybe it was the fact he's barely even started school here and yet everyone was already drooling over him. Maybe it was the fact he was well known for things the student body hasn't even had proof of, things he was already praised for. And on her side of things she was well known for her infamous anger and her upcoming marriage to Rodolphus. That or her status of being the firstborn Black daughter. Otherwise known as the current heir of the Black family. Well. That was until her idiot cousin, Sirius was old enough to steal the mantle from her.

So when he said, "Tom. Tom Riddle," She really couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes. Cause of course the person she had no care for was sat in, of all seats, the one in front of her. "Does that name offend you?" He then asked, wearing the same damn smirk he wore the moment she took in his appearance just seconds earlier.

"No," She said in a bored drawl, eyes once again gazing out the window as her head rested against the glass. "Unlike every other idiot out there, I care not for who you are. You're just another ordinary student attending Hogwarts. Nothing special about that," She told him, her tone consistent in telling him of how much she didn't care.

He was quiet for some time. Not too long, but enough to give her pause and wonder if she'd wandered too deep in thought and he'd slipped away. Only a glance his way revealed that, no, he was still here. "I agree," He finally spoke again. "There's nothing special about me at all. And I'm starting to despise the fact people are so interested in me. Took a look at the school Friday and suddenly everyone thinks so highly of me just because it was a private tour by the headmaster himself," He huffed.

It was clear to Bellatrix by the way he spoke, by the way he talked that he was excellent at charming people, manipulating them even if you would use the darker term. Again, she was many things but an idiot was not one of them and she wasn't falling for his 'charms' or tactics any time soon.

"Oh, poor you," She said in a mocking voice, jutting out her bottom lip as she faced him fully. "New kid in school has everyone fawning over him. Such a terrible life you must live, knowing you have everyone in the palm of your hands with just a smile." She finished the sentence off with said smile before turning it into a sneer.

"I won't repeat myself again. I care not for who you are, and I don't wish to know you or anything about you. So if you're going to sit here, then it better be in silence, or so help me merlin I will curse you. Laws be damned," She hissed. Hopefully for the last time she turned away again, feeling her mood lighten just slightly at her first threat of the day.

Usually, other students would run away by now, flee the vicinity in which she occupied, but Tom just sat there, in shock, or because he actually listened to her words. Finding herself curious about which option she chanced another glance but was surprised to see him wearing that annoying little smirk instead. "Cute," He told her, enjoying the way her eyes widened just slightly before darkening with anger. "That threat might work on others but it won't with me."

Her magic was absolutely crackling around her, like static in the air just before an oncoming storm. She was soon to make good on her threat. "Based on your looks, in how you speak, and the way I saw you walk earlier, looking down at everyone as if they were beneath you. I would safely assume you are a… Black. Bellatrix Black? Considering you look to be in the same year as me," He continued, assuming everything correctly. She didn't need to know though that he'd actually done his research prior to moving here, and that he had asked around earlier. "I don't expect you to get along with me from the start, but you will see me around often. I'll personally make sure of that. Cause I like you," He said with a shrug, smirk still in place.

Bold. Oh, so very bold and before Bellatrix could even utter a single word or even grab and raise her wand for that matter, he was already out the door. The space in front of her was once again vacant and she stared at the now unoccupied seat as the door slid closed.

LATER THAT DAY

It was almost impossible for the raven haired witch to avoid hearing or seeing Tom. It was as if everywhere she turned, someone was talking about him or he himself was staring at her from a distance. Usually she would never admit such a thing, her pride too strong, but it greatly unnerved her. Who the hell did he think he was? Claiming he would see her more often because he liked her? “Doesn’t even know me,” She scoffed to herself, annoyed as she continued on the familiar path to her dormitory.

Bellatrix was a slytherin through and through, like every other Black family member before her. There had been no question about it. Well, maybe after. She questioned it alot. The houses, the characteristics and traits. All of it. And once she's put herself in a more outside perspective about it she really couldn't help but laugh at the whole student body, almost all of them adapting and practically absorbing their houses certain traits into their own personality.

Anyway, she was a slytherin, but she couldn't help but wonder if she'd changed her mindset that first day, if her family hadn't been so adamant on which house she went to, would she have been chosen for hufflepuff, perhaps? Maybe gryffindor? Ew, no. Possibly ravenclaw. These thoughts raced past in her mind as she made her way down into the dungeons. There was a little of her in each, she supposed.

"Drommie, Cissy," Bellatrix greeted once she made it into the girls dorm, having already said the password and walked through the shared sitting room. All three Black sisters shared the same room, something Bellatrix and her mother both insisted and agreed upon to the headmaster when first starting school here. It was a protective thing. Bella knew that her sisters weren't like her, lacking in gut and courage. She was sure Andromeda could take care of herself, at times, but if worse came to worse she was more likely to break under pressure and need rescuing from her bigger sister. And little Narcissa, the spoiled brat she was, didn't have a single backbone in her body, choosing instead to flee or hide behind one's robes. Despite those certain qualities though Bellatrix still loved her sisters dearly and simply made it a priority to keep them safe, consequences to herself be damned.

Sure… maybe it was Bella's fault for them needing protection, having spent most of her years reigning terror down upon those who even glance at her, therefore her peers not liking her and taking it out on her sisters instead. But… hey! They looked at her funny, they deserved it!

"Bella why didn't you sit with us on the train," Narcissa asked, looking at her older sister as she sat on her bed.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes and walked past, towards her own bed furthest in the room and by the window. "As if I'd sit and listen to you two and your friends gossiping about the 'new boy'," She said back.

Andromeda turned to her with a quirked brow. "I don't know, by the looks of it you sat just fine with the 'new boy' before you ran him away."

Bellatrix was only able to scoff as a response before Narcissa quickly interrupted, hopping over towards Bellatrix. "You got to talk to Tom Riddle?" She asked excitedly. "How was he like? Was he charming? Did he show you parseltongue?"

"Cissy, please, calm down. He was none of those things. He was very bland… and cocky, and arrogant," Bella responded, the end getting heated with annoyance. Not towards her sister of course.

"Sounds like someone I know," Andromeda spoke up with a pointed look Bella's way.

"Shut up," The dark haired witch shot back. Because of course she couldn't deny it. She was those things sometimes… all the time. "Whatever. Let’s go. It's time for lunch anyway."

(A/N: lets be honest idk how classes work at hogwarts so lets say bellatrix and sis’s meet up w mother on the reggy, with permission or without, and this particular weekend was a break for all students to either visit their fam or relax in their dorms/explore school grounds. today (mon) is a day for them to get readjusted and classes start up again the following day. anyway continue)

All the way to the great hall Bellatrix's sisters continued teasing her about Tom. Thankfully she took the teasing easily, shoving her sisters good naturedly and joking along. That was until they reached the great hall. She didn't think her sisters noticed but as they walked past others to get to their table Bellatrix could feel a strong force on her, like something digging into the back of her head. She scanned her eyes around the room once, trying to catch the culprit of whatever was happening but all she could see were other students eating merrily, not a clue to her predicament. Thankfully by the time she'd sat down the force had vanished and she could focus back on her sisters.

Tom stood just outside the doors of the great hall, panting and trying to catch his breath. Never had he been rejected so quickly from someone's mind, not even close to breaching it in fact. Her magic was strong, untampered and just waiting to be fully unleashed just beneath the surface. A magic enough to rival his own. She may think she was strong now but oh just wait until he had her with him, by his side. Just wait until he showed her what she's truly capable of.

With these thoughts in mind he swiftly walked away from the great hall entrance, on his way back to his dorm.

[kirishwima]

Can I please have some headcanons for the RFA meeting MC's older brother, who is EXTREMELY over-protective? The "hurt her and I'll kill you, my sister deserves the best" type. (If you can add Jihyun and Saeran that'd be great, if only to see Big Brother facing both the sweetest man alive; and another man who is both a care bear and 300% more edgy than he could ever hope to be)

ok but like....my mystic messenger OC has TWO brothers, an eldest one who’s a sweet fluff bean and a twin who is EXACTLY what you’re describing lmao, so this is a scenario ive had stuck in my head for ages, bless you for sending it in lmao :DD

i’ll also be using she/her pronouns since you’ve specified them!

YOOSUNG:

* When he’ll first meet MC’s brother, he’s...actually not that worried? He’s met his sisters boyfriends before and sure, he’d tell her his opinion on them but he never like, tried to intimidate them or anything so...how bad could this go?

* Very, as it turns out.

* When Yoosung joins MC with her brother at the specified coffee shop after class, he’s met with two polar opossite looks; the one of fondness as MC waves him over, and a glare strong enough to freeze up the sun, from a man standing next to MC with his arms folded.

* Yoosung took slow shaky steps towards the table, feeling the dark aura surrounding him until it nearly suffocated him as he stood across the glaring man, MC oblivious and nonchalantly beaming up a wide grin as she leaned up to kiss Yoosung’s kiss.

* Throughout their...talk? At the coffee shop, Yoosung felt scrutinised, MC’s brother barely joining the conversation unless she prompted him to, preferring to stare Yoosung up and down instead.

* At some point MC excused herself from the table, leaving Yoosung to face the wrath of her older brother alone, with only his cup of milkshake and purple-pink straw to fend for himself.

* As MC’s brother watched her walk away, he turned back to Yoosung when she was out of earshot, his brows furrowed as if permanently in that position.

* “Listen, I’ll lay it out simple for you. That is my little sister you’re dating, the one I’d kill a man for without second thouhgt or remorse. Hurt her and I hurt you back thrice as bad, got it?”

* Yoosung blinked slow, like a squirell looking into the eyes of a shark. He made to nod before shaking himself out of his trance.

* “Wait, h-hurt her? I’d never-no! If I ever dared hurt her-which I’d never! I love her! But if I ever accidentantly did anything to make her cry, I-I’d come find you myself and ask you to beat me up!”

* MC’s brother stared at the blond dumbfounded, his lips a frown before he snorted out a laugh, loud as he shook his head and brought a hand to Yoosung’s shoulder.

* “Good” he said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes, “I like that response. Don’t forget what you just said kid” he said, tightening his grip on Yoosung’s shoulder as a warning.

* And so, Yoosung never forgot.

* N E V E R.

ZEN:

* Well...Zen was warned about how over-protective MC’s brother was, and how the moment he heard about their relationship he demanded he meet Zen for himself.

* And listen, Zen gets it-if he had a sister he knows he’d be just as protective, but the odds were NOT in his favor when it came to leaving a good impression on MC’s brother.

* For one, a quick search of Zen’s name online would not only bring up his many shirtless photos and fans’ screeching about him, which he wasn’t embarassed of, not really; but it would bring up that whole mess with Echo Girl, and second of all

* The day MC asked Zen to come to a resturaunt to meet her brother, of COURSE a flock of fans had to find him at the entrance, surrounding him and giggling at everything he said, one evern asking for a picture only to reach their arm around Zen’s and lean in as if to kiss him for the photo.

* That in itself wasn’t too bad-sure MC never liked it and honestly Zen didn’t either, but it’s something they both had gotten used to. No, instead, it was bad because all the fiasco happened RIGHT in front of MC’s now furious brother.

* As Zen excused himself from his fans and walked towards the table MC and her brother were sat at, he brought his hands in front of him as if to protect himself, apologizing for what just took place as he took a seat besides MC.

* When Zen leaned in to kiss MC hello....he politely turned it into a quick peck on her cheek as MC’s brother threw ice cold daggers to Zen with his glare.

* Zen tried explaining himself, professing his love for MC at every opprotunity, making her have to hide her face in her hands more than once in embarassement, he even explained the whole Echo Girl fiasco to her brother with MC backing him up on the facts.

* Still, her brother wasn’t pleased.

* At some point as Zen kept monologuing, MC’s brother put the glass he was drinking from down on the table with a little too much force, surprising Zen into silence.

* “Look, to be frank I don’t care how much you say you love MC. You’re an actor, hell, you could say ‘I love you’ to a rock and make it look romantic, it’s your freaking job. What I wanna know is, will you always be loyal to her? Will you be there for her when she needs you, or will you be chasing tail around some popular Kardashian or something?”

* MC tried to speak up but Zen halted her, giving her hand a quick squeeze under the table where he’d interlocked his fingers with hers.

* “Thank you for your honesty. If you allow me, I’ll be just as frank in my answer?” he asked, waiting for a nod from MC’s brother to continue. When he received it he nodded back, breathing in before collecting his thoughts.

* “I plan to marry your sister.” He ignored MC’s surprised gasp, simply squeezed her palm in his with a soft smile. “First of course I’d like us to move in together, find a place we can both call home. I’ve had some significant memories in my current place, but I’d leave it in a heartbeat if it’s to find a home with MC. Then I’d propose in the grandest gesture I can, but well, the when and how’s not something I can reveal right here” he grinned, stealing a quick glance at MC’s flustered face, “we’ll get married and I know she’ll be the most beautiful bride the world has seen. If she’ll have me and would be happy to, then the next step would be children. I...I haven’t told you yet” he turned to MC, his smile sheepish, “But I’d love a boy first, then a girl. So he’d be a big brother and protect her at school, because we’d raise him right, he’d be a little knight in shining armor. And she, she’d be our little princess, and we’d love them both just as much. Maybe get a dog for them too, two if you want-”

* He ignored the lodge in his throat as he continued, biting it down along with his embarassement. “And even if she wanted nothing from all that-so long as she wants me, I’ll be there, through thick and thin. So no, I’d never turn to look at another woman, ever-how could I? I have all I need right here” he said, and tugged his and MC’s interlocked fingers to rest atop the table isntead of under it.

* And well-MC’s brother had little to say after that, looking down sheepishly as he thought.

* “Ok just-damn, I had a whole speech ready and you beat me to it” he huffed. “Just-I want to be involved in the wedding planning!” he grinned.

* Turns out he’d soon become best bros with Zen lmao, who would’ve thought

JAEHEE:

* Honestly...it’d be impossible for MC’s brother to be harsh with her.

* He’s always been MC’s number one supporter, and knowing she’s found herself such a caring and smart girlfriend he’d be happy for his little sis. 

* If there’s anything he’d be harsh about, it’d probably be their plan to open up a coffee shop so quickly. He wouldn’t be mean about it, but he’d sit down with MC and Jaehee and talk it through with them, telling them to consider the risks and how they’d be losing their previous jobs for this.

* Well, Jaehee had it all covered-she’s made a spreadsheet covering the coffee house’s estimated expenses and how they’d be handled going forth for at least one year, and ways to combat every little possible drawback. 

* Even MC’s brother was awed, staring at Jaehee like she grew a second head.

* “You..” he started, “good luck dating my sister” was all he said, earning an elbow to the ribs by his little sister.

* Yeah, Jaehee is definitely the best girlfriend for his little sister, no doubt to that-he can’t even give her the whole ‘If you hurt her I hurt you’ spiel because...honestly the odds of her ever hurting MC are slim to none lmao

JUMIN:

* Honestly, in levels of intimidation, they’d both be the same lmao-MC’s brother would try and intimidate Jumin and he’d be completely unable to catch the hidden threat in his words-or rather, he would, but Jumin being Jumin would simply choose to ignore it.

* He’d even rertort back to every little comment her brother made with valid points as to why he’s the best husband for MC.

* “Don’t you think you’re too obsessed with cats?” MC’s brother asks. “That simply shows how devoted I am with my love and interests, which means I’ll always care and love MC with my whole being.” 

* “Aren’t you just some pompous rich dude?” MC’s brother asks, rather rudely. “I don’t know about pompous, but I am rich, yes, which means I’ll always be able to provide for your sister whatever she desires.” Jumin replies.

* Honestly...he’d make MC’s brother give up on his indirect threats, and simply come out and say ‘look, I don’t like you getting married to my little sister so fast-she barely knows you!”

* And that’s the comment Jumin had been waiting for. It’s why he met up with MC’s brother in the first place; Jumin values family, and he wanted all of MC’s loved ones to be on board with her marrying him before going through with it, so that their marriage would be a happy event for everyone involved.

* So Jumin spoke honestly. “I know it’s rather fast, but we both know our feelings for each other are true and strong, and we’ve been through more in the short period of time we’ve known each other than others have been in a lifetime. Your sister is a remarkable person and she’s the first to ever draw such feelings from me, and I never want to let her go. If she’ll have me, I want to be besides her, ‘till death do us apart.”

* Well, by that point...well, MC’s brother knew how MC spoke of Jumin, how much she loved him. He was never going to fully oppose this wedding, he simply wanted to be sure both parties were completely on board with this.

* Besides...one glance at Jumin’s bodyguards let him know for certain that him threatening this millionaire with physical harm wouldn’t roll well here lol

SEVEN/SAEYOUNG/LUCIEL:

* It’d take a LOT for MC to convince Seven to meet her brother.

* Saeyoung...he’d never feel ready to meet him. What kind of face will he show to MC’s family? What will he tell them? ‘Hi, I’m the hacker that put your sister in an apartment with a bomb then took her with me to a cult’s den to find my missing twin brother? Also my dad’s a super dangerous person and we went through hell and back because of him?’

* Yeah...no. 

* So for the longest time, he avoids meeting MC’s brother. Even when MC moves in with Saeran and Saeyoung, even then Saeyoung still finds excuses to postpone their meeting.

* Until one day, Saeran comes back into the house with a bag of groceries and a frown. 

* “Some dude’s out there and threatened that he wants to talk with me about MC. I told him I’m not the one that’s dating her but he seems way more mad than before, you should probably go check what that’s all about” Saeran shrugs and disappears to the kitchen, leaving Saeyoung to manically check the security cameras to see who this man is-and of course, it’s MC’s brother, leaning on his car that’s parked right outside their house.

* So...there’s no more avoiding it, not when it’s come to this. MC wasn’t even home, so of course her brother had come here to...what? Beat Saeyoung up? Threaten him? And if he did, what right did Saeyoung have to fight back? There was nothing he could offer MC, and anything her brother would say to him would be correct.

* “If you want some advice or anything-” Saeran’s head popped out of the kitchen, a tub of ice cream in hand, “I say just go out there and tell him all the sappy things you tell MC when you think I ain’t listening. He hears someone talk to his sister like that he’s bound to think ‘ah fine he loves her’ and leave you alone’ he shrugged, disappearing back into the kitchen.

* With a sigh Saeyoung dragged himself outside, walking like a sheep to the slaughter as he came to stand across MC’s brother. 

* Absent-mindedly, he noticed the car behind him, nodding as he took in the model. “A Fiat Abarth 500. Which year’s? They’re some tiny but mighty sports cars” he mumbled, more to himself than MC’s brother, who stared wide-eyed at the hacker.

* “Uh...it’s a 2012 one” he replied dumbfounded.   “The best ones were manufactured that year” Seven nodded along.

* Were they...accidentantly bonding?

* What was meant to be a long intimidating speech turned into a 30 minute conversation about sports cars, that only ended when MC walked to the entrance of the house to find her boyfriend and her brother talking animatedly about....cars?!

* When she asked her brother why he was here he seemed to snap back to reality, pointing a finger to Saeyoung’s chest.

* “You...I was here to warn you! Ask why you were hiding yourself from me and tell you to meet me face-to-face like a man if you want to be with my sister..! But uh-you’re actually a pretty decent guy? I mean I’ll still kill you if you hurt my sis-”

* “If I ever dared to hurt her I’d have her kill me herself then have my twin brother hide my body” Seven retorted with a straight face that made a shiver run down MC’s brothers spine.

* And that’s the story of how MC’s brother and Saeyoung ended up not only becoming best friends, but MC’s bro being the only person Saeyoung ever allowed to drive one of his babies, E V E R.

SAERAN/UNKNOWN/RAY:

* He’d never admit it, but meeting MC’s brother sent chills up his spine. He had never been in a relationship before, and now here he was-he was meeting her family, living together with her-a completely changed man, and as happy as he was for the change, he was equal parts terrified.

* And as it turns out, his fear wasn’t unwarranted-her brother was a menace, sending glares Saeran’s way from the moment he came into their home for dinner like MC had invited him to.

* Yet the thing about Saeran is this-when he’s scared, he hides it like an ace up his sleeve, becoming more agressive instead, like a cat that fluffs its tail to turn its fear into a threat.

* Each jab from MC’s brother was taken and thrown back to him tenfold by Saeran, who whilst sweet to MC, was more and more cold throughout the night to her brother, much to MC’s dismay.

* It came to a point where the two were prety much fully argung, standing and threatening each other with forks and spoons over the dinner table as MC sighed, sinking into her seat waiting to see if either of them will cave and stop.

* “You’re such an asshole how can you even fucking say you care for my sister?!” “Fuck you that’s how!” Saeran screamed back.

* It escalated and escalated until MC had had enough. With a loud thud she got up from her chair, ramming both her palms onto the table, demanding the boys’ attention.

* “Shut up! Both of you just-stop it! You-” she pointed to her brother “You’re my brother, I love you and respect you, but you’re at my house and you’re yelling at my boyfriend!” she accused, making her brother look away with a scowl, “and you!” she pointed to Saeran next, “You were so sweet, worrying about what kind of foods my brother would like and even going out of your way to cook all this, only to be so rude when he did arrive?! What gives??”

* The two seemed embarassed at their actions at least-MC’s brother had his hand on his neck whilest Saeran folded his arms around himself, looking down to the floor.

* “You uh-you cooked all this?” her brother asked, nodding to the table. Saeran nodded, willing his blush to leave his face, the traitorous blood supply.

* “It’s pretty good man. I thought it was my sister, but she can’t boil pasta to save her life so uh-I was wondering who cooked.”

* “...She almost burnt the kitchen down. Twice.” Saeran supplied, smiling as MC’s brother chuckled.

* By the end of the night the two had sided in teasing MC, but she merely rolled her eyes at them-seeing them bond even over them making fun of her was worth it.

* When she excused herself to go bring the dessert, there was an awkward silence between the two boys before Saeran spoke up, making sure that MC was already in the kitchen and out of earshot.

* “I know I can-I’m an asshole sometimes. I’ve done shitty things, I’ve been mean, and without being aware of my actions, I’ve been mean to her to-” he nodded to the kitchen, “but never again. Even if I’m an ass with everyone else I’ll always cherish her. I love her, she...she’s my sunflower.”

* Her brother didn’t reply, but Saeran knew; they both knew the severity of his words.

V/JIHYUN:

friendly reminder i havent played the after ending yet orz

* After all the mess MC had been put through-getting abducted by a cult, only to end up spending a full month besides some dude who got stabbed in a hospital-her brother finding out about it all through the PHONE as he’d called his sister a million times for days whilst her phone was out of service and she wasn’t at her apartment-and then this dude up and DISAPPEARED FOR TWO YEARS? Only to then come back and start dating his sister?

* Nuh-uh. MC’s brother was gonna have some choice words with this asshat, this-cult-loving playboy who toyed with his sister this way!

* When MC’s brother walked up to MC’s place where she’d invited both this Jihyun guy and him for coffee...he expected some big player kind of guy with a snapbcack hat or something.

* He did NOT expect this lanky tall mint-coloured man with this disarming sweet smile, awkwardly extending his hand for a handshake to MC’s brother.

* All the threats MC’s brother had prepared were lodged in his throat as he took a seat across of Jihyun on the living room couch, answering his small talk questions as if they were fast new friends.

* Once MC sat down besides Jihyun and together they explained everything that had happened...Jihyun’s ex and her psychotic delusions, how he did everything he could to help but failed, how his brave little sister MC hepled Jihyun out of that situation-

* “Dude...that’s so messed up” MC’s brother ended up saying, his coffee grown cold as he got so engrossed in the story he didn’t even take a single sip.

* Jihyun nodded sheepishly, biting his lip. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this story, ones I’ll never repeat, and once I’ve only been able to acknowledge thanks to MC” he admitted.

* Wtih a more confident look, Jihyun held MC’s free hand in his, looking her brother in the eye as he spoke. 

* “I know I’ve hurt her a lot in this story, and if I could re-do it all again I’d do everything in my power to keep MC out of harm’s way-but the past is the past and I can’t change that. I can however promise that so long as she’ll have me, I’ll always be besides her to protect her and love her, no matter what. I cherish your sister more than words can convey, and I’d only wish to have your acknowledmgent in this relationship-I’m sure it’s something that would make MC happy too.”

* Honestly...where did his sister find this marshmallow of a man?? Her brother simply nodded, biting back tears-why was this dude so damn sweet, jeez. 

* “D-don’t-if you hurt her I hurt you, got it?” MC’s brother sputtered half-heartedly. 

* The fact that V nodded along sincerly and said ‘of course’ didn’t help. 

* MC’s brother actually gave Jihyun a pat on the back before leaving, mumbling ‘you’re a good man dude’ quiet enough for his sister not to hear.

* Everyone loves Jihyun and that’s. them. facts.

-send me mysme headcanons for character reactions!-

[therealcalicali]

White Lies

The Best Kept Secrets: Ivar, shocks you with a secret. He's gotten someone in the family way. Worse yet, it’s your sister.

Warnings: Emotional Abuse, Cheating, and Lots of Angst

Part II here 

Part III here

Part IV here

Part V here

Part VI here

Finale here

Deleted Scene here

White Lies AU - Bitter Fruits  here

"Ivar, why are you so quiet this evening?" You asked, eyes full of worry as you studied his expression. "Have I done something to upset you?"

Despite slightly rolling his eyes, he stated that things were perfectly fine. Without even looking you direction, he then asked that you allow him to enjoy the festivities.

"More mead!" He hissed at a nearby Thrall. As the man poured, the verbal assault continued. "What is wrong with everyone around here? Must I beg for drink now? Next time, I'll get your attention with my axe."

With a bow of the head, the old man apologized profusely before filling your horn as well. He then rushed back to his position near the thrones to avoid anymore of Ivar's abuse.

After eyeing your husband a while, you sighed.

Despite his words, you knew something was very wrong. You may have been married for a little over two years, but you could read Ivar well.

"Will you stop staring at me!" He snapped, looking at you from the corner of his eyes. "There's an entire troupe of foreign dancers performing, yet you choose to watch me instead."

"Why are you so short-tempered lately?" You asked, trying your best not to make your sadness noticeable. After all you were hosting a massive feast. The last thing you needed was to fight with the King in public. "I'm only trying to figure out what I've done to make you........so-----"

"So what, Y/N?" He interrupted, cutting off your train of thought. "Listen, stop trying to read my thoughts. Just enjoy the lavish lifestyle being my wife affords you."

You were dumbfounded.

It wasn't as if you even cared about such things. In fact, you had not even been thinking of the youngest Ragnarsson at all when unmarried. He was the one who chose you on a whim during a midsummer festival.

Ivar did so because all of Kattegat referred to you as the "purest of maidens". The one that even Odin himself couldn't bed. A woman who never allowed a man to come close enough to even temp her for a kiss.

Your reputation intrigued all the Ragnarssons. However, it was Ivar who made his intentions known first.

Despite their fear of his temperament, your parents did question his motives. They raised their concerns about many things, including a Prince marrying a farm girl.

Still, Ivar insisted that you had to be his wife.

Surely, a woman as headstrong and principled as you was meant to be at his side. Thus, they gave in. And he truly seemed happy after your vows. Not only did Ivar treat you well, he allowed you to fall love with him at your own pace. Never forcing anything on you. 

But now.............

Now, he behaved as if you had bewitched him in some way.

"I wish to retire for the night." You said leaning closer, the pain of his aloof behavior making your voice tremble . "That is, if it's alright with you, my King."

"You will not!" Ivar replied, his gaze finally falling on you. "Besides, the night is still young and you are the Queen."

"Am I?" You asked, searching his eyes. "You treat me like a stranger. As if I cannot be the same woman you wanted to be yours not so long ago."

"You are the same woman. Of that I can be certain." He scoffed with a shake of his head. "Are you not the one that lost seed for the third time only months ago?"

Your heart nearly stopped.

How could he say such a cruel thing?

Ivar knew how devastated you had been since your most recent womb difficulty. You cried for weeks, unable to be consoled by anyone. Not even your mother and Aunts. Yet, here he was, throwing it in your face.

"Y/N, you have given me neither a son nor daughter. Yet you feel the need to pester me incessantly. But why am I surprised?" Ivar added. "You think I am your hostage. But I will prove to you that I am not!"

You fell silent. Saying nothing as you gazed over the Great Hall. If you had to weep , it would be behind closed doors.

After all, if you did so publicly, no one would show any sympathy. They would all side with Ivar and mock you relentlessly.

The Queen who had yet to produce an heir for their God King.

As you were lost in thought, a hush fell over the Hall. Confused, your eyes went to where attendees were parting and creating a path to the thrones. There, dressed in a lavish red and gold embellished gown was your youngest sister, Eiriana.

She had only recently become a woman the previous year. In fact, she completed her rites with the help of coin from Ivar.

As you gazed at her adorable face, you were about to stand to greet her when you noticed something. Not the absurdly fine jewels or the gold crown atop her braided hair. No, none of those peculiar things.

Your eyes fell to her belly.

There was no mistaking that Eiriana was with child. Perhaps anywhere from seven months along if not more. As your tried to think of who could have possibly done this to your unmarried sister, your parents made their way to her side.

Their eyes avoiding your own.

"Everyone, please look at this woman before my throne." Ivar announced as he rose to his feet with the aid of his crutch. He then looked at Eiriana who gave him a smile that reached her eyes. "Come, my love."

Your heart was beating within your ears. 

"My, love?" What did he mean by such a phrase you wondered to yourself. “No, it cannot be!" 

Eiriana made her way up the small steps with the aid of some guards. Everyone in the Hall watching with baited breath. Once she was beside him, Ivar gently took her hand in his.

To your surprise, she briefly looked in your direction and gave you a friendly wave. Not a mocking one. But a genuine greeting that signified that she was happy to see you.

"I want all of Kattegat.......no, all the world to know who this woman beside me is. This is Eiriana, sister to my wife, Y/N." Ivar declared, his eyes falling on her with a tenderness you had not seen in months. "She is carrying my child. The child of the greatest Ragnarsson to ever live! And though we have exchanged vows already, we will conduct a second ceremony after she gives birth. A ceremony fit for a Goddess."

Your head swam with tension as the Hall erupted with celebratory shouts and cheers. It was as if you were either going to pass out or die from the shock.

"Eiriana and Ivar?" You thought as everything began to sink in. "He laid with my little sister."

You watched as he palmed on her protruding belly, it's rounders that more noticeable due to her petite frame.

"I missed you so much." Eiriana said, wrapping both arms around Ivar's neck. "Did you miss me?"

"Of course I missed you."

"Liar! If that is true, then why did you have me away on the island for so long without visiting? You or Y/N?"

She looked at you as he drew her closer.

Kissing her on top of the head, Ivar apologized and stated that the two of you had been busy. However, he promised to make it up to her.

"Are you lying to me again?" She asked, raising a brow. “You know I hate to be lied to.”

With an amused smirk Ivar replied that he was indeed being sincere. After promising that she could have whatever she desired, he walked her to his throne.

"Now please sit, before you tire yourself." 

"Only if you give me a kiss." Eiriana teased causing you to grip the armrests to the point that blood formed around some of your fingernails.

Your entire body was hot with rage and shame.

As she hung on Ivar yet again, you averted your gaze. Still, from the corner of your eyes, you saw him press his lips to hers. You hoped it would be a quick show of affection, however, Eiriana kissed him deeply, her arms about his neck.

"I love you." Ivar whispered, his lips still touching hers. 

"You better."

With that Eiriana took her place on his throne as he had requested. With a giddy smile upon her face, she turned to you.

"I have missed you so much Y/N. You look so very beautiful tonight." Your sister practically squealed. Placing both hands on your arm, she beamed at you. "So, did you get all of my letters?"

You didn't know what she was taking about. However you were too numb and hurt to delve any deeper.

"Uh....yes...I did."

"Ivar told me how busy you were with your duties but I had to write even if you couldn't reply" She confessed. "The island was beautiful but it was also boring in some ways. Plus, the family taking care of me hardly let me do anything. They were afraid they would be put to death if something happened to me."

"I.................don't blame them." You replied, unable to prevent yourself from looking at her belly.

Taking notice, Eiriana asked if you wanted to touch it. When you hesitated and tried to decline, she forced your hands atop the swell.

It was heartbreaking and you could have burst into tears then and there. But you fought it. You were not going to give the people gathered a show at your expense.

"Don't worry. The baby is really strong despite........ anyway, he kicks all the time." Eiriana said with a giggle, pressing your hands to the sides of her rounded belly. Almost like magic, you felt the baby begin to move around. "See? He's awake. He always wants to play when it’s nighttime."

The movements kept going as your hands began to tremble. This was a viable baby. One that was too far along to be expelled from the body unexpectedly.

Unlike you who could hardly hold seed for two months, Eiriana was truly going to deliver the child Ivar so desperately wanted.

"Can you sleep in my chamber tonight ?" She suddenly asked. "We have so much to gossip about. Like Henrik's new woman. Kristina wrote that she's Gaul. Can you believe our eldest brother goes through women like that?”

You could hear your sister’s voice but your mind was miles away. If had been possible, you would have preferred the ground swallow you whole.

"Love." Ivar said, his eyes fixated on Eiriana. "We are taking our leave of the festivities" He then looked at you, his blue eyes scrutinizing your expression. "You as well Y/N."

"But why? I just got here!" She protested.

Your sister was quite high-strung and showed no fear of Ivar. Perhaps it was her age or the fact that she was the spoiled youngest of your family. Whatever it was, she truly cared not for his reputation.

"Please do not argue with me." He replied. "You have traveled far on the waters, you must rest."

"I don't want to rest! I want to see the shows and speak to interesting people" Eiriana said with her eyes locking on his. "If the two of you are tired, you may go, but I'm staying."

"Eiriana, I do not wish to repeat myself."

"Then don’t!” She quickly hissed back at him. “And I’ll let you know this. Saying my name doesn't frighten me, Ivar. Mother did it all the time when we were little and it never worked."

You could hardly believe your ears. 

No one had ever spoken so rudely to him....ever. Even though you had your moments of push-back, it was never to the extent of your sister. Surely, Ivar would become enraged at any moment.

With child or not, he had proven numerous times that he did not tolerate disrespect. But to your utter surprise, he didn't get irate and yell. Instead, Ivar began to smile. 

Pressing his lips to Eiriana's ear, he whispered something that made her practically jump out of the throne.

"Are you sure?" She asked, looking between you and him. "I was just asking Y/N to spend the night in my guest chamber."

He nodded, making her smile even more as she excitedly took his free hand, intertwining her fingers with his.

"Come, Y/N, we are taking our leave?" Ivar beckoned, his eyes only falling on you a short while.

"How could you do this?" You asked, the tears running down your cheeks as though they would never end. "My own sister?" Of all the women in Kattegat, you choose my own blood?"

Ivar glared at you dismissively, drinking his mead with annoyance. After telling you to calm down he confessed that it had not been intentional, however he had no regrets.

"Eiriana is special." He admitted, tilting his head slightly. "You may not like it but it's not going to change anything. She is my wife and the mother of my child."

The words were like a sword to the heart. 

The mother of his child? Your little sister?

It was enough to cause you to grab the stack of maps and measuring devices that were on the table and hurl them at him. One of the guards in the chamber stepped forward to intervene, but Ivar waved him off.

"You best control that temper, Y/N." He said, pointing at you. "I still love you, but I will not hesitate to send you away if this continues."

Your eyes widened in disbelief. 

"You speak of love after laying and seeding my sister?" You asked with eyes welled. "I may have lost three times in my endeavor to bear you children, but I never lost my heart. I loved you in spite of how cold you grew with each occurrence."

"If you want to be angry, then be angry with the Gods." Ivar said, moving to the doorway. "You are still first wife and I shall treat you as such. But Eiriana is here to stay. I love her just as I love you-----"

"Just as you love me?" You repeated.

"Enough! I have said my peace!" Ivar fumed, wanting no more of the conversation.

“Well, I’m not done saying mine!”

Just as he was about to unleash a verbal tirade, your sister approached, already in her nightdress. She had one hand on her belly whilst the other held her hem.

"Ivar." Eiriana whined. "What's taking you so long?

"Nothing, my love." He replied, his entire demeanor changing instantly. "I was just making sure Y/N was settled in her chambers. She is still first wife you know."

Your sister gazed around, commenting on how well it was decorated. As she was about to say something else to you, Ivar took her by the hand.

"Say good evening to Y/N." He said, already dragging her away.

Sleep well, sister." Eiriana said with a pleasant smile. "We shall have our chat in the morning. It should be fun since Kristina and the others will be here for a visit."

With that, the two if them left and went to what was once your marital chamber.

TAGGED: @alicedopey @lizblinder @ainatirb-j @glassywriting @lyanna-the-giantsbane @justacripple @queenmissfit @winchesterwife27 @john-lemons @queenmissfit @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol @november7378 @bravado07 @ivarlcthbrok @inforapound @paintballkid711 @ariascarlet11 @tis-itheapplepie @alexa4040 @whyiminlove @tephi101 @millie67  @tgrrose @julian--casablancas @imonique0 @faintlyforgotten @lilliephoenix @gruffle1 @thewisewolf218 @funmadnessandbadassvikings @lil-lit-bit @dangerousvikings @sallylebecks  @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @walkxthexmoon @puddin116 @chinduda @peaches-seed @naaladareia @youcancallmeladyjoker @littletinyblog @tierneygonzalez @hallowed-heathen @rvj5234 @starrmoondaisy @laketaj24 @titty-teetee @deathbyarabbit @retratosdemarfim @ivarslittlebadgirl @ivarslittlebadgirll @imaginequeen @lovingeb @moodygrip @kingbouji3 @captstefanbrandt @ivarsrideordie @artemis--wild @ivarslittlebadgirl @jeowjungkook @readsalot73 @kylobien @cbouvier23 @memememememe1-blog @mblaqgi @thelastemzy @honestsycrets @zuz28 @unicornbaby741

[rosykims]

A-Z HEADCANONS // DUNCAN THEIRIN

i was tagged by @nordxz thanks so much tash !! i'm gonna answer this for duncan, my babey and the next gen son of alistair and ella cousland 😊😚😘

i snappped while answering these and accidentally wrote 6 pages and almost 4k words so uh. loooooong infodump ahead.

Alignment: What would be their D&D alignment? How might it come into play?

duncan very easily falls into the lawful neutral category, like i dont rly need to give his alignment too much thought unlike with some of my other ocs. duncan is.....hmm. hes a very KIND person, generous and selfless, and tries his best to make people happy, but i wouldn’t necessarily say he's good, considering a lot his issues lie with his inability to act, or stand up to others. he’s guilty of very blindly following the law, or other people's ideas of what's right, and he doesn't really feel confident enough to rely on his own conscience for most things. so i'd say while he tries to do the right thing and act within the law, sometimes he goes against his own values out of fear or confusion or, simply out of ignorance, since he was born into a life of privilege and can't always distinguish what's right and what’s believed ykno

Beverage: What do they most like to drink, and why?

duncan shares a weird trait with both his brother and sister where they all just inexplicably ?? don't like alcohol at all. so stuff like wine and liquors is off the table. he absolutely LOVES tea though. u know that one scene in scott pilgrim where the gal is going thru her list of like 72 teas? thats him 100%. it's his lifeblood at this point, he has SO much of it and a perk of being the heir to a monarchy means he's got a lot of foreign merchant acquaintances, so he tends to order in different blends from all over. he's a chronic insomniac, and he uses it as a crutch to get through the days some times. modern!duncan still loves tea but obviously has a stronger love for coffee, since its far more effective!

Co-Habitat: Do they live with anyone? What’s “need to know” before moving in?

duncan currently lives in the residential dorms of the college of enchanters, while he's sort of aimlessly studying a bunch of subjects he's already mostly adept at. firstly, duncan is VERY sick lol, he was conceived while ella and alistair still hadn't found the cure for the joining, and essentially he inherited both of their darkspawn taint so 🙂🙂🙂 thats always a good time. so anyone who lives with him needs to prepare for 1) him being sick obviously,, throwing up, coughing up blood, looking like a corpse virtually 23 hours of the day lol. and obviously the fear that one day he might actually die. but also 2) he suffers from grey warden nightmares for the same reasons, hence the insomnia. he can go a concerning number of days without sleeping and usually only takes strategic cat naps when he needs to, but obviously he has his limits. it's very rare that he goes a full night without waking up in a cold sweat due to nightmares so. we stan one depressed king ! oh he also is Incapable of locking the door to his apartment. he always forgets and hes too tired to care about people stealing his stuff fkdkdjdjd he would probably make more of an effort if he had someone living with him, but old habits die hard so !!!!!!

Decor: What kind of home do they keep? Are there any defining details?

honestly , duncan's house is very devoid of clutter or personal items in general, which is sad. he definitely would have a lot of decor if he could, but since his current housing is only temporary while he's in orlais, he doesn't really want to get... comfortable ykno. other than that, duncan's home is always kept impeccably neat and clean, for two reasons. firstly, growing up in denerim's palace really engrained into his head the importance of keeping up appearances, so its sort of a subconscious ritual of his at this point. but i think more importantly its because of all the nights when he cant sleep, so during the night with nothing to keep him from dwelling on his thoughts or nightmares, he really needs the distraction, and cleaning gives him something to do. duncan really needs to feel like he's doing something, like he's managing, like he's able to achieve something so cleaning is just one little way of taking ownership of his life.

Escape: What do they do to de-stress? How successful is it?

nsfw warning but uhhh..... he has a LOT of sex basically dkdkdksk u wouldn’t know it by looking at him tho ! bc hes very polite and nervous and kinda shy?? but hes also charming and obviously attractive so he doesnt really lack for interested parties. mainly he just sticks to one night stands, with no strings attached, and it helps him take his mind off things when hes exhausted or its late at night and hes afraid to go to sleep. otherwise he also has had some friends with benefits but usually his personal life is too complicated for a serious relationship. aside from that, he also reads a LOT, writes too – when he has the time/energy – and obviously cuddling sessions with his cat, moira dkdkdk

Fluff: What hits their soft spot? Does anything turn them into emotional goo?

so ik above i said that duncan doesnt do serious relationships but thats,, not through any will of his own. he LOVES love and is a complete hopeless romantic , but unfortunately for a number of reasons he's just very unlucky at love ! 😔 so having an emotional, intimate connection with someone that isnt just sex is super healing for him, since he's not used to it at all. being with nadaia is such a positive thing for him, just knowing that his feelings are reciprocated and that he's valued and wanted.

Grudge: How bad does an insult go over? Do they hold a grudge long?

i think it depends on who its directed at !! duncan usually ignores any insults directed at him because he's grown up being so scrutinized by the public and for the most part, fereldens are very weary of him so he hears A LOT. most of criticisms about him he just.. automatically accepts as fact and really buys into them, bc he has such low self esteem. but as for other people, and ESPECIALLY loved ones thats a very different story!! he's not exactly the type to start throwing punches if anyone says a bad word against someone he cares about, but he WILL personally see to it in his own sneaky way that they get whats coming to them dkdkkdjd usually he'll either find a way to expose their dirty laundry, embarrass them in public, prevent a promotion, something like that lol. this goes double if the insult is directed at nadaia or his family.

Hobby: What’s something they do for fun that might be surprising?

ive already mentioned that he's an avid reader and he likes to write occasionally, but he's also a talented musician! He can play harp and lute, and has a beautiful singing voice ! tho he never EVER sings in public and u have to be like,, a ride or die for him to even consider singing in front of u.

Insomnia: What’s their sleeping schedule like? Snorer? Sound sleeper?

well like i said he's an insomniac so sleep rly is a vague, barely recognised concept to him at the point dksksksk he also experiences sleep paralysis during especially bad nightmares, honestly he rly hit the misery jackpot and i feel so bad like hes indisputably my most tormented oc 🙃🙃🙃 so yea hehe doesnt really thrash around during nightmares but he sweats A LOT and sometimes talks in his sleep. during sleep paraylsis obviouslyy he goes COMPLETELY rigid and still which is terrifying for everyone involved lol. on the rare occasion that he is able to sleep he is out like a light lol he would sleep for 17 hours if he could. in saying that because he is also a Strategic Napper he is usually comfortable falling asleep ANYWHERE, because hes so tired comfort really isnt a concern lol.

Jaded: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard?

no he doesn't unfortunately 😔 or at least i should say he doesn't believe in it for himself - he's pretty convinced that he won't live til 30 and he's existing on borrowed time as it is, so he hasn't really put a lot of thought into his own happiness or the pursuit of his own goals because he doesn't believe he'll be around to see them realized

Kin: What’s their role among their relations? Do they consider others family?

duncan is the firstborn son of king!alistair and ella cousland, my canon warden. he's also the eldest brother to roslyn and bryce theirin. he's also, obviously , the half brother of keiran, tho none of the theirin kids are aware of that oof. his role, officially, is to become king when his parents eventually pass. its NOT something he wants, due to being so sick and unsure of himself. despite what his parents tell him, he doesnt believe he will make a good king and is really terrified of the notion in general, i guess a little like alistair was in dao. duncan kinda,,, avoids his duties, to the point where he literally LEAVES to live and study in orlais. he still does what he needs to do, keeps in correspondence with people he needs to, but its all bare minimum stuff because hes just. so afraid of it lol. he has a mostly good relationship with his family, despite that – theres some resentment between him and his sister, rose, but thats a whole entire story we dont have time for dkdkskdk

Law: What do they think about abiding rules? Are they selective about it?

like i said before he's pretty adherent to the rules and laws of society tho i do see that as more of a flaw than anything. he doesnt really feel comfortable stepping outside the norm and tends to accept that other people know best ! even if he disagrees he's usually too unsure of himself to speak up. that does change quite a bit once he and nadaia grow closer, since SHE is big on bending ridiculous or unjust rules, but he's always gonna be a bit of a follower i think 😒

Magic: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock?

he's accepting!! he's a mage so it would be wild of him if he didnt lmao. during his childhood/adolesence he was kinda harsh on himself and had a lot of internalized guilt for being a mage, bc this was obviously still fresh after the mage rebellions. he resented his own abilities and just wanted to be normal, but that was also him projecting a lot of his other problems as well. he had amazing teachers who helped him come to terms with his abilities, and the best of all was my inquisitor, ashara, who is kind of like a very distant, scary aunt who always had a soft spot for him. she helped him – and alistair and ella – RIGHT after they discovered he was a mage, and she was really the biggest role model in his life when it came to magic. duncan has always looked up to her skill and control and confidence, and tried very hard to match that.

Network: Are they connected to the people? How much do they reach out to others?

duncan has an ARMY of acquaintances and connections due to his family, but doesn't really have a lot of people he considers his close friends. he's super friendly and he gets along with most people, but like ive said before serious relationships including friendships are always a bit complicated for him bc of who he is as a person lol. as for reaching out, he's a very independent, introverted person and so he tends not to seek out other people unless he's close to them or has no other choice. he's very self conscious about being a burden on people or being to “needy" so he holds himself back and sometimes comes across as a little cold.

Offspring: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple?

he.... probably can't physically have kids unfortunately due to his condition, and as a result he's never really wanted to think too much about it, or imagine a scenario that he believes he cant have. but if it WERE a possibility, or if he felt stable in his own life enough to adopt, he'd probably be comfortable with just one child to completely spoil. he would be such a good father, albiet maybe not the coolest dad ddkdkdks i think nadaia would be the one who got up to the crazy shenanigans and let her child get away with everything, and duncan would be more of the nurturing, responsible one. he'd be a MASTER at telling bedtime stories, would kick ass at homework assistance, and would sing his kid to sleep every single night (until they got too old for it obviously). ooooo im so IMMENSELY emo abt this au now that i think about it

Pistol: Is this character skilled with a weapon? What’s their opinion of violence?

duncan is a very non-violent person, but he does believe that sometimes violence is necessary and will BE violent if he needs to – only in self defence scenarios though. he's an adept mage, and very skilled with a staff, but he isn't a fighter, really – more of a defensive, protective figure.

Question: How often do they feel doubt? What topics are they defensive about?

oh the doubt is constant with him 🙃🙃 he has a lot of deep routed dread about his own morality and whether or not he's a good person or if the maker will accept him when he dies. he's andrastian but TERRIFIED of the notion that its all actually real, bc then he doesnt know where that leaves him. he has this weird existential dichotomy where he doesnt know if hes closer resembling a grey warden or a darkspawn bc of his tainted blood. he also doubts his abilities and his magic bc he's afraid that the taint just,, makes him inherently a corrupted thing. he doubts himself on a more basic level with like, being a good brother, a good son, a good king when the time comes. he wants to be a good student and partner but sometimes his health makes him feel like he cant, and it weighs on him so heavily, almost all the time. basically he needs a hug so badly its not funny 😔😔😔

Reminder: How are they at remembering daily needs? What falls through the cracks?

uhh its very selective !!! for the most part he's very good at taking care of himself, mostly because he NEEDS to otherwise his health gets out of control, but sometimes he tends to prioritize one set of needs above another,, which usually means not sleeping (the most common), forgetting to eat, not letting his loved ones know when he's having a poor health day which usually results in him getting really sick and nobody is around to help him. he also forgets to do certain things like lock up his house, buy foodstuffs, reply to peoples letters n stuff like that.

Sing: Do they like music? Do they listen often/sing/hum/play songs in their head?

yes and yes !! duncan loves music altho its a very personal and private thing for him. he's pretty naturally gifted with music and gets it from ella, who taught him a lot of what he knows. he has a gorgeous singing voice (i kinda hc something similar to dan smith’s vocals from bastille!) that he rarely uses bc he only ever sings when he's alone or if he's forced to by a nosy loved one or something lol

Touch: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubble big?

duncan doesn't mind being touched !!! in fact in most situations he welcomes it, as long as its like,,, appropriate and not some random stranger obviously. he grew up with ella and alistair who obviously are VERY affectionate people so he loves giving and receiving hugs from friends and he doesnt flinch or feel weird about just? random natural touches or anything. his ~love language~ is also physical touch so he LIVES for cuddling with nadaia and holding hands and anything like that. however !!! his little sister rose HATES being touched by virtually anybody and in any capacity, so he's very aware that not everybody is okay with touch, and is always careful and considerate of other peoples boundaries. he usually waits for the other person to make the first move, or simply asks them first !

Upcoming: How much do they think of the future? Do they make long-term plans?

he doesn't at all 😔 i mentioned this before but he doesn't see himself living very long, and its really impacted his outlook on life. he is afraid to commit to a lot of things, even if its something he really, truly wants, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up for things. it also keeps him from forging positive relationships. a lot of it has to do with him just being overly polite, but he refuses to make the first move with anything, or communicate what HE wants out of something. for example, his relationship with nadaia could have progressed so much faster if he had just,,, told her what he wanted. she had to make a lot of the first moves in the relationship because he just,, doesnt know how to take chances i guess !!! we love a Deeply Flawed king

Vice: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of?

Some harmless ones are ; him talking to his cat constantly dkdskd also he has very poor time management skills so he's almost always a few minutes late, forgetting to lock his stuff up, and slouching, probably !!! some more serious ones would be like,, having sex with strangers as a coping mechanism lol, not speaking his mind and instead just letting himself be a doormat, also INTENSE avoidance of his problems (moving away to orlais for 9 years to avoid his fear of being king for example 🙃) tho i guess they fall under the same category oof.

Wardrobe: What’s their fashion style? Do they have any staple pieces?

duncan dresses nice, for the most part !!! again, it's mostly to do with growing up in court and having to keep up appearances, but also hes just. a nice bisexual boy who wants to take care of himself ykno, and that includes hygiene/clothing/grooming etc ! he's maybe a bit TOO reserved tho, he mostly wears dark colours like blacks, greys and brows, but hes been known to wears reds/blues/whites as well, and there’s a lot of subtle yet beautiful details on his more formal attire that might go unnoticed by a casual eye. a lot of his clothes are specifically tailored but he's also fond of big oversized sweaters for when hes just hanging out ! he's got a not great relationship with his body lol so he usually dresses very conservatively, with long sleeves and pants and usually more than one layer, but hes also a thot so !!! pants be TIGHT dksksksks

X-Ray: How’s their health? Any problem areas? Do they take care of themselves?

Djdjdksksndjddjkekdidksjs OKAY WELL if u have read this far than obviously u kno the answer to this question. if ur just skimming tho first of all ur valid ! second of all duncan is VERY sick. he was conceived when ella and alistair where still searching for the joining cur, so basically he inherited the darkspawn taint x 2 and nearly died a bunch of times as a baby/young child. obviously idk how the cure storyline is gonna resolve but my hc is that bc the darkspawn taint is something he was BORN with, not just something that happened to him via ritual, his body is much more impacted by it so even if they are able to find a cure, it wouldnt work THAT well and his health would still suffer bc of the prolonged damage. so physically, he deals with a LOT – intense migraines, insomnia, nausea, fatigue, problems with breathing and fevers and stuff. obviously mentally hes.... not doing great either, tho he’s trying his best. sometimes his insomnia gets so bad he starts hallucinating visions from his darkspawn nightmares, and sometimes he just feel paranoid in general that he's actually an Evil Darkspawn and hes just somehow managed to convince everyone hes a normal person – sort of a weird blend of imposter syndrome and body dysmorphia its. complicated. anyway he has very low self esteem and tends to think hes a huge inconvenience to everybody, and when he was a teenager he went thru a period where he was very suicidal, and ANGRY and afraid 😔 he’s doing better though, now that he has learnt how to manage most of his symptoms and he's not suffering in denerim court. nadaia is also a huge help, though he tries not to become too heavily reliant on her, since he's had bad experiences with depending too much on other people.

Yack: What’s their favorite thing to talk about? What do they go on about?

skskdkdk im already crying hehe 🙂 duncan is so introverted and self conscious of being “Too Much" for other people so he tends to keep his thoughts/interests to himself and stick w just. boring small tall or non invasive questions relating to the other person. BUT if u show an interest and he trusts u then oh boy. hes an absolute dork. he loves talking about magic and having really intense conversations abt the technical sides of it (he and dorian would get along SO well) but he also loves history !!!! before he began studying at the college of enchanters he received multiple ??? qualifications?? (idk if thats the right term but u kno) from the university of orlais, one of them being orlesian and ferelden history. also anything to do with the grey wardens, the blights and darkspawn for personal reasons obviously. He's a VERY good storyteller so he somehow finds a way to make even the dryest topics seem very compelling and Cool – varric would be proud !! he finds the orlesian Great Game fascinating, and he enjoys sharing wild anecdotes about the things he's seen asshole nobles get up to. thats always thrilling skdksksk ALSO. He has a secret interest in necromancy and the mortalitasi (its only a secret bc hes the heir and that wouldnt look ... great lol ) but he only ever really talks about that with nadaia, who finds that stuff almost as interesting as he does. also, finally, he loves talking about nadaia 😊😊😊😊 hes the type of guy who will always namedrop “my girlfriend" into any conversation, loves telling people about her accomplishments and how Cool she is ..... he loves her a Lot is what im getting at sksksks

Zodiac: What’s their astro sign? Does it fit? What would you pick, if it’s unknown?

duncan is a pisces babey like his mother !!! tho he could also be a virgo but,,, i think for now pisces works better for him. he's very smart and introspective and creative, but he has some issues with critical thoughts, avoidance and melancholy like ive mentioned. also pisces is a water element so i guess that makes even more sense, since hes an ice mage 👌👌👌

okay !!! im done !!! i cant believe i wrote all that but i guess if u didnt know abt duncan before, u absolutely do now dksksks im so sorry to anyone who actually read thru all of this, u really are braver than the troops

[tori-cilia]

Hey there

Everything I will say is 100% true. I’ve lived it all unfortunately. 

So to start us off I guess I should tell you a bit about myself. My names Tori and I just turned 17 this year, I ended up switching to online school in the 10th grade and im now in 11th grade however im a few years back due to certain events that I will explain later. I have 8 siblings while my older 3 siblings were the ones that raised me. My parents were divorced before I was born so I was just thrown into the shit show I call my life, so its all ive really known. I simply want people who have experienced the same things I have to know that they are not alone and that someone understands them.

So lets start with my parents. My mom and dad met in California, now I have no idea why they were there but I do know its because they were both in the service at the time. My mom served in the navy and my dad was in the marines. my dad was in war at some point in time and my mother was lucky enough to not have to endure that. while they were in California they had my eldest sister who was born there, they both were honorably discharged and they moved to Michigan where my dad had grown up (my mom was born and raised in New York). about 2 or 3 years later my oldest brother was born and following him came my only other older sister. these three were the only ones out of the first 4 to be alive when our parents were together. I was told stories about how bad it was, my parents would constantly fight and beat on eachother. While my dad was out at bars and strip clubs after work my mother would be home drugged out and drunk and would be passed out on the couch. my siblings took care of eachother and luckily our grandparents(my dads parents) lived across the street, where they still live. Ive been told my mother would lock my siblings in their rooms while she would go and do drugs and my dad would be out cheating on my mom or getting drunk. My brother would run down the street in nothing but a dirty diaper until my grandparents would get him or the neighbors would bring him to my mom. in the middle of 2001 my mom told my dad she was pregnant in an attempt to trap him in their marriage, but clearly it didn't work. he was done with her at that point and had found someone else who would be my evil step mother for the next 9 years of my life. in april of 2002 I was born. my mom had kept me away from my dad and his side of my family for one year and the judges couldn't do anything about it since she was breast feeding me. my oldest sister told me I would always cry until my mom fed me.( she thinks its because I was going through withdrawls since my mom did drugs with me while she was pregnant). when I was 2 my mom had remarried to the biggest asshole prick I will ever meet in my entire life while my dad was married to the biggest slut and bitch that will ever exsist. so for the next few years of my life it mostly was made up of custody battles between my mom and dad with my step parents only making mine and my siblings lives worse. my mom had given birth to 4 more children who I love with all of my heart. I had moved a lot since I was born. I went from st,clair shores to Wyandotte then to taylor and that was just with my dad. I had gone to the same school until 5th grade, my step mother had forced my dad to take me out of the only place I knew that made me happy and that was eureka heights elementary school. I loved that school, its where my love for learning began. I had friends and the teachers knew me because of my siblings and the counselors already knew my home situation. I was outgoing and happy there. they moved me to blair moody in the 5th grade and I will never understand why my dad let that happen. I hated it there, I missed my teachers and I missed my friends. towards the middle of the school year my mom had moved us to grosse ile which I hated even more. its a very lonely island, the kids always thought they were better than me and made me feel horrible about myself. I started and finished middle school in grosse ile. When I was around 9 my step mom had cheated on my dad and they got divorced. she had multiple affairs throughout their marriage and eventually got pregnant one time. she told my dad it was his then aborted it and told him she had a miscarriage. later she got pregnant and this time it really was my dads but we found out later that it was a pitty baby. anyways she had given birth to my beautiful baby sister, the only good thing that came out of their marriage. after they got divorced my dad slipped into a deep depression and disappeared out of my life. for years my mom had told me it was because he didn't love me and didn't want me. I felt I would never be good enough for anyone because if my own dad didn't want me why would anyone else. My oldest sister had left my moms at 14 by telling the cops she would kill herself if she was forced to go back. my brother had just run away and never came back to my moms when he was 16. my other sister left my moms at 16 because my stepdad said we weren't allowed to see our brother anymore and i ended up having to raise my 4 younger siblings. but they all left for the same reason... they were tired of my moms bullshit, they were tired of seeing her get beat and every time we put my stepdad in jail for it she would bail him out. I watched my mom get beat up every single night for 15 years. during the 7th grade I began failing my classes and I wouldn't go to school everyday, I would bargain with my mom to let me stay home. I was diagnosed with extreme to severe depression when I was 12...that was also the year I watched my mom get taken out on a gurney while she was shaking and crying, begging for my step dad to not hurt her. I couldn't get out of bed, I wouldn't eat, I slept too much or too little. I didn't talk to anyone. I stayed in this little world in my head where things were perfect. in the 8th grade I moved to trenton with my mom. I started high school in Trenton and I made friends on orientation day for the first time in years they even convinced me to go to the homecoming game where I met my first boyfriend. that night we hit it off, we talked for hours and he stayed by my side all night and he even walked me home. he said I was beautiful and that he liked my natural hair which is curly and out of control. when I got home we started texting. we talked everyday and he eventually asked me out and I of course said yes. by then my dad had been out of my life for 5 years and my mom would never let me forget it. she told me that he wanted her to abort me and the moment she old me that everything inside me died. I hated myself. I told her I wish she did abort me. I was so depressed and full of anxiety. I was with my boyfriend for 4 months and it ended in march because of me. I had broke up with him because I met someone else. it was my little sisters birthday party and my moms friends had come with their children. I seen 2 walk in and I didn't pay no mind to them but then one boy came in..he clearly didn't want to be there. I actually had to do a double take. he followed me like a puppy that night and I would take quick glances at him. when they were about to leave he ran into my house and asked me for my snapchat and I gave it to him. we talked all night..and that was also the night I broke up with my boyfriend and it is now the one thing I will always regret. this new guys name was cj, he was dreamy and knew just the right things to say. I seen him again on his birthday that was the day we started dating. he was my first love. everything was great at first. my mom and step dad would go out with his parents and party so I would be at his house with him and my siblings and I would watch the kids and spend time with him. he showed me the love I didn't get from my dad or my mom. by this time I had stopped going to school. I was too tired from taking care of my siblings all night and then getting woken up at 3 or 4 am bc the parents were arguing and the kids were crying hysterically. I would get everything calmed down and stay awake for the rest of the night because I was too scared to fall back asleep. at the end of the school year we moved to garden city. we had been evicted from yet another house, I learned to not get too attached to places or people and for me...I didn't have a home. me and cj had been together for 2 months around this time. he helped me move into the new house and he came over every day since he lived 5 minutes away from me. I lost my virginity to him. in july I had finally left my moms when  I was 15. something in me had snapped that night. my cousin didn't know who I was because my mom never let me see my dads side of the family. I called my sister because I was going to try to kill myself again. I had a handful of pills and the note on my dresser. my sister drove from grosse ile to garden city and saved my life that night. I packed my things and I left as fast as I could. I told my younger siblings that I loved them and that it wasn't their fault I was leaving..they were the only reason I stayed as long as I did..seeing them cry as I left that night made my heart break into a million pieces, they were my babies, everything I had done was for them. it was a fight every night I was gone. my mom had called the cops and reported me as a runaway. she said I was an ungrateful child. cj was kinda by my side. he didn't understand my situation. he didn't understand the hurt I was going through. I moved in with my brother a few weeks after I moved out. sometime in july cj had broken up with me. he said my family had caused too much drama and he couldn't do it anymore. the very next morning my mom came with the cops to come and get me. my entire world was falling apart around me. I was too emotionally and mentally drained to even fight it. my brother had been out of town on business so it was just me and his girlfriend. the cops told me I was just a kid who didn't like the rules and I had no reason to leave my moms. I was trying to tell them what happened at my moms but my mom kept denying it. so I gave up and just left with her. I got hack to her house and my room was used as a storage unit for them and I had to clean it by myself. I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to stay in bad and sleep and wait for cj to come back. I thought maybe it was just a dream and I would wake up and id be at my brothers but it never happened. my mom and her best friend at the time would tell me I was stupid for leaving. they made me feel bad about myself everyday. I told my mom I had lost my virginity to cj and she called me cheap for giving it up to him. I got enrolled into garden city highschool. I went the first day and never showed up again. I lied to my mom and told her I was walking to school but I would leave for an hour then walk back and climb into bed and hide under the covers...she slept the whole time so she had no idea anyways. her friend had seen what it was like for me there and ended up getting me out of there. my mom raised hell when I left again. she hated me. I hated her....the night I left was the first time I had seen cj since we had broken up 4 months ago. and with my luck Nicole (my moms friend who had gotten me out of my moms) was dating cjs dad. I celebrated my 16th birthday with my dads side of the family. my siblings, my grandparents and my dad. after 7 years of not seeing him I seen him again only a month before my 16th birthday, one night my dad TEXTED me and told me him and my now step mother we’re engaged. everyone knew except me and I had to find out over text. I froze..i couldn't say anything and I just burst into tears. I was angry and I was hurt. my dad had put his girlfriends before me for years and now he was engaged. I called him and went off. I told him how him leaving effected me. how I couldn't trust anyone because of him...that night I made my dad cry..and I couldn't stop because it was his turn to feel what I felt. while I lived with Nicole I had found out my sister was pregnant. it was one of the happiest days of my life. I will always remember how I felt that day... I had also dated cj a few more times and each time he would break up with me after a few weeks. he would get me high and have sex with me and then he would leave me. I felt I was only good enough for a quick fuck. me, Nicole and her two kids moved in with her boyfriend and my ex. which only made things worse for me. we dated one final time. mine and nicoles relationship slowly deteriorated and we got into an argument and she kicked me out. I went to my grandparents cottage for a week and never heard from Nicole again. cj broke up with me again for the final time. he had cheated on me for the final time. he had broken my heart for the final time. I moved in with my dad and he went and stayed at his wifes moms house with her and her daughter while I lived alone with my sisters cats. I drank and got high every night to try to avoid the things in my mind. October 1st my niece was born. and the same day I got evicted from the place I was staying at since my dad wasn't paying the bills. so I moved in with my grandparents. I continued to smoke and eventually got caught and got kicked out. I felt terrible. I moved in with my dad and only 2 months later we got kicked out because him and his wife were acting like idiots. I got pissed off at my dad because he had let me down again. I called me sister (the same one who picked me up from my moms) and I lived with her foe a couple months. it was great, I got to see my niece everyday. I was in a really good place mentally and emotionally. I was on my meds and I was doing my online school which I was put into during the 10th grade. I celebrated my 17th birthday with my sister and brother. she got me cake and some painting stuff. now I live with my dad and here we are. I am still very depressed. im not currently on my medications due to money problems and I cant afford it. me and my dad are working on our relationship, me and my step mom are close kinda, I love my niece who is now 7 months, me and my mom are on good terms and she even threw me a birthday party. ive come a long way. and even if no one else is proud of me...I am. Don't get me wrong I still have things I need to work on but im getting there. and my siblings and grandparents have been here for me through every step. I love them and couldn't be more thankful. last year around this time if you asked me where I think I would be right now...I would say dead..but 7 months ago my beautiful niece gave me one more reason to keep fighting all the bullshit.

there is no way for me to be able to fully describe how my life has been..this is just the quick version.  

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 26: The Julius Formerly Known as Prince

Part 25

Welcome back to Fire Emblem IV! Last week we had started our invasion of Grannvale, coming up to it through the southern Miletos district, and in so doing got to smack the crap out of Tinni’s crazy aunt, who unfortunately managed to get away.  These things happen.  This week, we have to start off by opening the gates that will allow us to proceed north to Miletos itself.  

I’m just gonna say, if you guys wanna stop now, I’m down for that. How about we just move in to Hilda’s old torture castle and set up there? Do we really need to beat the Empire?

Yes?

Shit.  

Ah, well.

Well, to start, we need to take Rados castle, which is thankfully unoccupied after we killed all its inhabitants last week. It’s cool, they were gross people.  Though first, I have Ced grab the village right north of it…

Behind the Times: Not so long ago, from what I hear, Emperor Arvis himself forbade ‘em. What the devil could’ve changed his mind? Please, I’m begging you, you’ve gotta save our children! Here, this magic ring oughta help you out.

Niiiiiiiiiiice. This pushes Ced’s magic above the 30-point cap, leaving him even more of a killing machine that he already is.  Dude doesn’t even have a holy weapon, he’s just raw badass. Cairpre also continues his path to minor godhood.  

This kid was level one on the last map, and he’s going to be promoted and breaking skulls right along with the rest of the kids next map. I’m so proud of him.  

Seliph, take the castle and set the story going, my man!

(Yeah, but he had to be a man named Morrigan, so who really suffered the most?)

Seliph: How could they… how could anyone be so savage…?

Lewyn: And that’s why we’ve got to fight this war to the end, Seliph. This is something you’ve got to understand.

(OKAY WE GET IT JEEZ STOP PESTERING ME DAD)

Lewyn: This is the way of the Loptyr Empire. There’s no place at all for the good-hearted… Now, it shouldn’t be too long before the gate to Miletos opens for us.  

(…. Why…?)

Lewyn: What’s your next move, Seliph?

Seliph: Needless to say, we must march on Miletos. We can’t afford to rest while those children are still at risk. Or Julia, for that matter.

Lewyn: Good. And after that, Grannvale awaits!

(OH FUCK IT’S ISHTAR)

(Oh, and also Arvis. Man, you have not aged well, buddy. I’d feel bad for you, but you know… the rape and murder and stuff.)

Arvis: Listen, Ishtar. Release the captive children.  I know you care no more for these foul deeds than I do.

Ishtar: My apologies, sir, but I’m on Prince Julius’s-

Arvis: Pay Julius no mind. I’ll be having a word with him soon.

(Funny story, bro, he said the same thing about you last week, and I’m a bit more scared of him at this point.)

Ishtar: But…

Arvis: This is an order from your emperor, Ishtar! Has Julius bent you such that you will no longer listen to the word of your liege?!

Ishtar: N-no. Never, your majesty…

(Speak of the [Literal?] Devil.)

Arvis: Julius! How dare you-

Julius: Why, Father, it almost sounds as if you still don’t know any better! Old age must be dulling that once-brilliant mind of yours. Why not retire before it grows still feebler? Unless… ohohohoho! Don’t tell me you still seriously believe that you can banish me?

Arvis:  … No. I know better than to try something so futile again. I… have no further objection.

Julius: That’s better. Now, then. Begone! Return to your post and haunt my sight no more. Defending Chalphy is crucial, so don’t fail me for once in your sorry life, Father.  

(Daaaaaaaaaaaamn, son, you just got burned.  Or should that be Julienned?)

Arvis: Y-yes, Julius. At once…

(God, it’s like every creeper left in the game is all gathering in this one castle to see who can be most sleazy. If Hilda shows up, I’m going to need to stop to take a shower.)

Manfroy: Never would you think this wretch, now clinging only to the ghost of a crown, was once the most powerful man in Jugdral.  

Julius: Ah, Manfroy. Where’s Julia? Have you restored her memory yet?

Manfroy: Your dear little sister is in Chalphy, burdened once more by her old memories. Never have I seen such horror as when she recalled how you, her own brother, almost killed her! Or how her dearly departed mother spirited her clear of the castle and your clutches…

Julius: Indeed… near everyone puts up some defiance to death by my hand, yet Deirdre never so much as flinched in the end. She accepted her own demise, all to save Julia with what little strength she still had.  But Julia possesses the foul powers of that ghoul, Naga, just as Deirdre once did. Nothing is more crucial than killing her now, Manfroy, lest we lose the chance.

(………. Then… why did you need to restore her memories…?)

Manfroy: You overestimate her threat, milord. After all, the Book of Naga remains under the strictest lock and key in Belhalla. Without it, Naga’s soul could never come to dwell within that girl…

Julius: How many times must I explain, Manfroy?! Every last one of the avatars of Naga, the heirs of Heim, must be purged!

Manfroy: Understood, milord. I’ll have my men see to it that Julia is dead by sundown.

Julius: Do not fail me, Manfroy. Now, then, I suppose I’m needed in the capital.

Manfroy: I shall ensure that holding the Miletos territory is the Order’s highest priority. Before the week is done, Your Majesty, the corpse of Seliph shall lie before you.

Julius: Seliph? … Ah, of course. The one the peasants call ‘the scion of light’.  Just as they call me the ‘scion of darkness’.  The alleged eldest son of Deirdre and the alleged true heir to my throne. A fairy tale, told to inspire hope amongst fools.

Manfroy: He is still a threat, milord. The sooner we dispose of him, the better.                      

Julius: Surely he doesn’t truly bear the power of the Crusader Baldur. He couldn’t possibly. I don’t care about him, Manfroy, but you’re welcome to do with him as you will.  

Manfroy: Very good, milord.

Julius: … Actually, I have a better idea. I want to play a game.  

Julius: Rumor has it that a small army of fresh sacrifices are headed our way. Let’s see who can claim the life of a rebel first.

Ishtar: Yes, Lord Julius. I’d love to!

(Sympathetic anti-villain~)

And then the newly arrived enemies start screwing with me, thus ruining the drama of the moment. Anyhow. The army arrayed against us is arguably the worst in the entire game thus far, given they are almost all dark mages. Dark magic still has no disadvantages to anything in the weapon triangle, and a lot of them have status effect staves to fuck our advance over hard. And of course, standing near the castle…

At first glance, Ishtar actually looks worse than Obvious Final Boss Julius. She’s bulked up considerably since we last met her; her Magic has gone up by six points, speed by one, and resistance by a whopping twelve with the addition of a Barrier Ring to her inventory.  He, in contrast, has generally good stats at everything (and is a damn stone wall with 25 defense and 35 resistance) but he’s slower than her and his Loptyr tome is heavier than her Mjolnir.  Beyond being a stone wall, he appears to be less dangerous than her.

This is a filthy lie.

You see, Ishtar is stronger than her last fight with us, but we’ve leveled up far more than she has since then. She’s certainly still very dangerous thanks to her combo of Mjolnir and the Vantage ability meaning if you don’t kill her in one shot she’ll wreck your ass on all further battles, but that’s nothing new. It just means we’re playing the same damn game of Nuclear Rocket Tag that we were last time, and Arthur is carrying a much bigger nuke than before. Maybe he still only has like a 60% chance of pulling it off, but I honestly can’t believe I did it at all last time.  

And as for that heavy Loptyr tome? It has a little extra trick to it that you’ll quickly come to despise.  

See that little note, ‘cuts foe’s atk’ down in the bottom left corner? See, more specifically, it cuts the attack of anyone who gets into battle with Julius by a whopping 50%. So before hitting Julius’s again, stone-wall defenses, anyone who takes a swing at him will first have their attack cut in half, at which point he will swing right back with a Holy Weapon that has no weapon triangle disadvantage to anything and is backed up by his maxed out magic stat.  And in his ability list, he has Pursuit and Accost for maximum possible double-attacking potential to go with his very high natural speed, and Wrath to cause his critical hit rate to skyrocket if you do eventually get his HP down below half.  

His 80 HP.  

So yeah, this is the game’s subtle way of telling you ‘DON’T FIGHT JULIUS’. Indeed, the easiest thing to do here would be to let him or Ishtar kill one of our soldiers and then have Cairpre revive them with the Valkyria staff, because they will both leave if one of them manages to win their ‘game.’  Which, I mean, if I get really desperate, maybe, but for the sake of my pride I’d prefer to beat one of them, causing both to retreat. And by ‘one of them,’ I mean Ishtar. And by ‘beat’ I mean, ‘Arthur, it’s time to play another round of Holy Weapon Nuclear Death Tag with your cousin, please try to survive.’  

Oh, and just for fun:

That’s Julius’s Holy Blood screen. Just in case you didn’t have enough unhappiness in your life.

Now then. First thing we need to do is clear out at least some of the enemies in play here. There’s a whole mess of Dark Mages with some melee fighters scattered among them, and they’re operating with a variety of tools, but the worst, as poor Altena found out, are the ones with Sleep staves. Status effect staves in this game are the worst; they have perfect accuracy as long as the one using them has higher Magic than the target has Resistance. In our hands, they’re balanced by only having 2-3 charges before they break. In the enemy’s hands, they have infinite charges because Fuck You, that’s why. Sleep + Hel + Any Hit of Anything is a very bad situation.  So first step is to work out where they are:

There, we have a basic cross-reference of where only high-resistance units should go. The dark mages have 16 Magic each, which isn’t much for the purposes of combat but for the purposes of Sleep Staves it might as well be a trillion. Maybe a quarter of our army can go into that crossfire zone without being zapped, and one of them is Cairpre, who can’t fight. On the other hand, he’s also the only person who can wake people up, so his staying awake forever is useful, in its own way.

Back to full power! And now, we clear out the vanguard and move the team up, making sure to keep most people firmly to the east.  

There we go. First wave down; the only people in the current batch who can lure out enemies without getting a forced nap are Ares, Fee, Ced, Tinni and Cairpre; Seliph will be able to when he actually reaches the army, but he, Nanna, and Ulster are a bit further back. He had to take the castle and they needed to do some weapon repairs.

End turn!

Ah, yes, some of them have siege tomes too. Because, again, fuck you, that’s why.

Cairpre, you’re just getting silly.  But in any event, we’ve now gotten a situation where the only people in the Sleep range are people who cannot be Sleeped, and they should also be drawing in some of the enemies from the west so we can clear out at least one or two of the staff wielders and give us some more movement range. There’s two to the west, and two to the north; the western ones should start moving on this turn now that we’ve cleared out the enemies closer to us. With luck, I can kill them both right away. End turn…

Okay, not bad. With the positioning of the enemies, I thiiiiiiiiink three of the sleep staffs can be taken out this turn without much issue.  Let’s see…

That’s one!

And that’s two, and also all we’re going to get. But the remaining two are going to put some people to sleep, but they won’t be able to get anyone killed.  That’s worth Ares getting a shit level, I guess. What remains is to clear out the final village-burning bandit of the map…

And killing off this sniper so he can’t kill Fee and ruin everything.

Good times. All right, dark mages! Please don’t kill anyone. End turn.

Lame, but tolerable. We will be able to kill one more staff guy this turn; but the second one is being… troublesome.  

He’s one of those charming robed figures firmly in Julius’s combat range. That is not a fight I want to pick.  Instead, we’ll take this other dude with the physic staff…

And pull back, trying to lure them out further. Cairpre wakes up Lester to let him do the same, and gets his like seventieth level.

To the south, we need to clear a path without letting Patty get put to sleep preferably. So I have Tinni try to clear a path, which will let Ced get through to the third Sleep user.

….

She misses. On a 90% chance. Dammit. Seliph, please?

That’s why we’re putting you on the throne later, buddy.  And now Ced can get through and remove one more stumbling block.

Beautiful. Only one staff jackass left, and the only people in his range are Tinni and Seliph.  He’ll have to move, and with any luck at all he’ll do so out of Julius’s combat range where someone can take a swing at his dumb face. End turn!

Heeeeeeeeeey buuuuuuuddy.

Niiiiice. With that, there’s only seven enemies left total; one guy with a normal tome, three siege tomes, the boss in the castle, and the two far more dangerous bosses waiting for us to get all up in their business. This will be… tricky. But for the moment, we’re safe, so I have Seliph drop in to have a conversation with Tinni.

(In all this mess, you may have forgotten Lewyn is her dad. He certainly hasn’t been very fatherly.)

Seliph: If you need anything from me, I’ll be waiting over there.

(You see what I mean about her having a character arc, now? Imagine the Tinni we first recruited saying that. She was so broken down she was going to fight us just because she was too afraid not to. And look at her now, electrocuting her aunt! I’m so proud.)

Lewyn: She didn’t treat you well, did she?

(“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA…. Oh, you’re serious…? Wow. No. No.”)

Tinni: Day after day, again and again, she would beat and abuse us. She kept on accusing Mother of being a traitor…

Lewyn: Your mother… Taillte…

Tinni: Yes… after the Battle of Belhalla, she and my brother, Arthur, fled to Silesse. I was born there soon after. I never knew my father. I think he must have died long ago…

Lewyn: I see. Then you went to Alster, right?

Tinni: King Blume and his minions came to Silesse, one night. They dragged us away to Alster… Mother never left there alive…

Lewyn: I… you’ve had such a hard life…

Tinni: Mm… Hilda hated Mother so much. I’ve never seen anything like it. Mother coped with so much, trying to protect me from Hilda. She was always in tears, right till the end…

Lewyn: She… she did…?

Tinni: Lord Lewyn? Is… is everything okay, sir?

Lewyn: … Yeah. Why do you ask?

Tinni: It’s your eyes, sir. Are those… tears?

Lewyn: I… no, it’s nothing. This is just a bit of sweat. I’m fine… I… I’m okay…

I like this conversation for a few reasons. First, it gives Tinni a ridiculous +5 magic, which is wonderful for these conversation bonuses and pushes her to her magic cap of 27. But on a story front, you’ve probably noticed that Lewyn has become kind of a douche in the years since the first generation.  This is one of the very few moments where that attitude breaks and he really shows you just how much he’s hurting beneath it all. He manages to hold up the Jerk Attitude for most of his other daughter conversations (he can have one with Fee, Lene, or Tinni if he’s their dad) but this is the only one he breaks down on. Learning your wife was essentially tortured to death will do that, and it probably only hurts more because Tinni isn’t trying to guilt him over it. Just innocently sharing how awful her life has been.

It’s a good, solid, quiet little character moment. I really like those when they’re done well, and I think this one was.

End turn.

Way to kill the emotion, jerk.

After murdering that buzzkill, I have to consider the situation.  Ishtar is by far the weaker of the two enemies, but she’s not weak by any means. And unfortunately, anywhere that she can go, Julius can go too, thanks to the Leg Ring in his inventory. Getting them separate is hard.  So what I’m going to do is have Ares, with the Mystletainn in hand, stand on a forest tile in Julius’s range. I will also put Nanna, Seliph, and Dermott near him; with boosts from two Charisma skills, Seliph’s leadership stars, and a forest, he gets something like a 45% boost to his dodging, which even Julius should have some trouble with. And even if he takes one hit, his Resistance is high enough that he should be able to survive.  And from there, I have all of them run past him with Arthur, giving him a similar bonus to his offense and offsetting Julius’s own five leadership stars when he fights Ishtar. With luck, which I seem to be having lately with these big annoying bosses, Arthur will nuke the crap out of his cousin once again.

This might work. Maybe! Or I might die. End turn!

Gotta admit, the man makes an impression! Ares takes the hit, but survives with 21 HP left, and Ishtar runs up behind Julius, but can’t reach anyone to blast. But we can reach her.  Deep breath. Moment of truth.  Everyone, get her! NUCLEAR ROCKET TAG GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I’m hoping you don’t notice how many of my problems I have been solving with Forseti.  Like… all of them. Seriously, of the three hardest bosses in the game so far, Ishtar, Arion, and Ishtar again, Arthur has killed all three of them on his first move, doing the exact same thing.  I have dealt with every serious challenge the game has to offer by nuking it with a wind god.  

If this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.  

Oh, and hey, why not.

This kid is going places. 

Now then, not much left on the map to deal with.  I have Lene dance Cairpre, so he can grab one of the two remaining villages.  

Captain… Nay, GENERAL Obvious: Just a single glance into those eyes of his and you’re gone. You lose yourself. So many of my friends and people my age have all left for Belhalla to serve him… I’ve heard nothing from any of ‘em since.

Oh-ho.  So, does this mean Julius can literally warp the minds of others? It can’t be limitless, mind you, since otherwise he could just mind-rape our army into joining him, but some ability to sway the weak-minded to his side would fit with how so few Imperial citizens are actually protesting the whole… you know. Hunting of children.

On the enemy phase, there isn’t a whole lot left. We have only three enemies left outside the boss, and they’re all carrying siege tomes.

And hahaha, they’re not super great at picking targets. That was fun.  Now, let’s destroy them!

Not bad at all! One guy remaining, we can get him on the next turn before Seliph takes that castle. Altena grabs the last village, as well.

Extremely Morbid Info Master: Hate t’say it, but sometimes, yeh need t’make sacrifices if yeh wanna keep going…

See, kids, this is why you don’t fuck with Info Master. He is willing to make those sacrifices.  End turn!

Dick.

… They can’t all be great, Cairpre. You’ve still grown far beyond anything I ever expected. Now, nothing left to do but send the team up north, preparing to go where the story will dictate after we take the next castle. Seliph, care to set things up?

Lewyn: I hate to admit it, but I doubt we could’ve gotten here soon enough either way. Now, then. It sounds like they’re just finishing up repairs on the Miletos Strait bridge. Ready to move in on Chalphy?

Seliph: Chalphy…. My father’s homeland….

Lewyn: So it is. I’m betting the citizens there will be even happier to see you than usual.  Let’s not make them wait any longer!

Seliph: Indeed! Everyone, move out! Onward, to Chalphy!  

(“We’re not forgetting anything, right? Eh, I’m sure Julia would remind us if we were.”)  

Well. There isn’t a whole lot of this chapter left, but it can take quite a bit of time to successfully pull off, so I do think I’ll stop here. See y’all next week when we head back home to Chalphy! The very first castle we ever had in the game, and now we get to go take it back from another blast to the past, good old Arvis! I sure did miss him.

But my aim is improving.  

See y’all next week!  

[blessedsinnersrp-blog]

Follow your fellow sheep down to the slaughter, Lennon.

You’ve been accepted as Colette Young with the FC Emmy Rossum. Saying wow five hundred times would not adequately describe how we felt about your audition. The depth you put into Colette was incomparable. she already had so many issues, and you were cruel enough to add to the pot. You are just such an incredibly talented writer, and we can’t wait to watch this town devour your characters.

Please send in your account within the next twenty-four hours.

desired character  →  colette wanda young

face claims  ⟨⟨ please list 2-3 options ⟩⟩ →  emmy rossum, phoebe tonkin

why do you want this character  →  Colette is a fascinating character to me; her skeleton suggests that there is a lot more than what meets the eye which I positively love. It’s not that she’s stronger than she seems, it’s that she is likely weaker. The first bullet point suggests someone who is fearless and blunt, but the fact that she allows these men to walk all over her suggest something else. She reminds me a lot of the women I grew up around- truly southern women. Not the bless your heart church goers, but the redneck wives that are tough as nails but ‘know their place.’ I have a love/hate relationship with that trope and I wanted to try to make it my own.

character quote  ⟨⟨ this can be dialogue that your character has said, a song lyric, etc. just something that catches the vibe of your person ⟩⟩ →  i have survived so many fires, i can no longer tell if i am alive or still burning

possible future plot ideas  ⟨⟨ this could be pertaining to a certain direction you wish to take your character as well as connections and potential plots with other characters  ⟩⟩ →

I’m still trying to feather out exactly where I think Colette would go but I do have a few basic connections with most of the groups already existing in bumfuck.

i. The MCs; Obviously, she works for them, she fears them in her own way, and she fucking despises them. I would love to see how her interactions differ between the older more racist members and the newer ones. She would be weary of all of them and I can’t see her being fond of Hunter at all- ‘yes ma’am. no, i don’t mean hunter- i mean ma’am. because like it or not having that name don’t make you better than me, ya’ fuckin’ bitch.’ Colette hates it when people talk down to her and I could see Hunter doing that a lot- doing woman’s work at all that. It would really rub her the wrong way because of everyone involved with the MCs, she would expect Hunter to get it. And the fact that she would treat her the same way as the testosterone fueled dumbasses, boils her blood. If anything, she might try to fuck Leo to secure her position in the bar, and to make sure one of his trigger happy minions won’t shoot her if she ever snaps at them.

ii. Church Goers; Depending on how long the members have been there, they might remember Colette and her siblings coming to church every Sunday. Or when they suddenly stopped because their momma was serving life in prison for shooting their daddy in the head. It wouldn’t be that shocking if one of them reached out to her family following the tragedy of their father’s death. Colette fucking hates the church and everything that has to do with religion but she likely sees a lot of them around town. She has probably butted heads more than once with Jeremiah and Juliet, which isn’t doing her any favors. As her skeleton stated, she’s likely served multiple church goers and she loves having something over the self proclaimed saints.

iii. The Law; She, like any self respecting redneck, does not much care for the police. She doesn’t trust them and even though it has been over ten years since she shot her father, she is still worried that someone is going to reopen the case of her father’s murder and find her guilty. No one, save for one of her younger sisters, knows that she was the one that killed her father. I would love to see that fear explored on a deeper level.

iv. Meth Ring; Her family- her father, her mother, her brothers and sisters- have all dabbled in the drugs and meth has always had a place in her family’s home. Her siblings have probably dealt for the ring before. I could see her father have worked for or with the ring before, but if that doesn’t comply with what you guys had in mind I totally understand. Either way, I think that she, or at least her family, would be well known to the ring. Remi is, of course, another connection that I think would be amazing because I can’t see how this relationship wouldn’t be toxic as hell. As much as Colette knows that she’s addicted- like really fucking addicted to the point that she’s turning into her dearest mother- she can’t stop. That’s the great thing about addiction, ya see. And she probably has a love/hate relationship with Remi, loves that he keeps giving her what she wants but hates him because she sees him as something of an enabler.

v. Other- Character Specific; Colette could have a very interesting relationship with Rhys, simply because he likely frequents the bar she works at and he’s associated with the criminal justice system so she already has a chip on her shoulder against him.

Other - General;

- Colette is very protective over her siblings, particularly her younger sisters. She’s acted as the ‘father with a shotgun’ for much of their lives so she probably could have threatened someone who was attempting to fuck one of her siblings.

- Colette is a sucker for a pretty face - well, not really, but she does get around a lot. I could see her having one or more fuck buddies.

- I can’t imagine Colette has a lot, or really any, friends, but I imagine that she has one or two from high school or childhood that remained in her life. After all, with how fuckin’ small bumfuck is, it would be impossible not to.

Ｈ Ｉ Ｓ Ｔ Ｏ Ｒ Ｙ

biography  ⟨⟨ minimum of 400 words ⟩⟩ →

tw: rape, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, abortion, murder

John Young, a cousin fuckin’ good ole boy, had nine children with Claudette Pickens; most of his kin were following in his footsteps of making a career out of being incarcerated. His fourth child and first daughter, Colette Wanda, was the apple of his eye. Of course, that meant instead of slapping her around like he did his boys, he saved her until she was old enough to take him to bed. The first eight years of her life were relatively happy; her house stunk of meth and cigarettes and desperation, but she thanked the Lord above that her daddy loved her enough not to put out his cigarettes on her arms. Her brothers got the brunt of her father’s anger, though on occasion he would strike Claudette with a beer bottle. But his daughters, his precious little girls, would remain untouched until a certain age.

She tries not to think about her childhood after her eighth birthday, the year John said she became a woman. The touch of older men is still enough to make her stomach turn and her hands twitch towards her knife. The years after that didn’t matter much to her. They were spent hiding bruises on herself and on her siblings, learning how to hold her liquor and when to switch daddy from bourbon to apple juice, how to throw a punch and how to take one. It cultivated a pistol in her mouth, one that caused her father to promote her from a bedwarmer, to a punching bag and a bedwarmer. Her momma was so proud.

Colette tries not to think about the years between eight and fourteen. She was fourteen when her father got her pregnant. She was fourteen when she had her first and last abortion. She was fourteen when she started sleeping with a knife under her pillow. She was fourteen when her father tried to sneak into her room and she stabbed him in the eye. He lived; Colette was in the hospital for two weeks- fell down the stairs, her mother said. When she came back, her father stopped coming into her room.

Colette was fifteen when she went to her first funeral. She was fifteen when her father was killed by a bullet that was lodged in his head. She was fifteen when her mother went to prison for life for his murder- one look at Claudette’s rotting teeth and arms covered in track marks and the jury couldn’t deliberate fast enough. She was fifteen when she had to keep the secret that still haunts her. She isn’t sorry that she took the shotgun off the wall and shot her father dead. She was sorry he was standing over her little sister when he fell over with a bullet blasted through his brain.

Two of her older brothers were over eighteen, but both of them were serving time when the rest of the children were left without any sort of parent to speak of. Colette and her siblings were ready to fight tooth and nail to force that state’s hand and let them all stay together. Fortunately for the Young siblings - or unfortunately depending on one’s view - child protective services in bumfuck were lack luster to say the least. No one wanted to waste the time or resources on children who would likely end up in prison and someone else’s problem sooner or later. Colette and her twin brother, Carl, were the ones to carry the family and take care of the younger siblings. Carl immediately dropped out of high school, but Colette attempted to stay for another year. Eventually she had to drop out to work full time. As far as her employers at Legs knew, Colette was well over eighteen, though most people knew that the eldest Young daughter was barely sixteen.

When she was offered a job at Snake ‘n’ Jake’s, she was more than willing to leave her job at Legs. The MC set her goddamn teeth on edge but working with limp dicked bible thumpers who got off on calling her a whore when they only lasted twelve seconds was making her go out of her goddamn mind. Colette never had the longest fuse when it came to… well, anything- she much preferred to come out fists swinging instead of taking shit endlessly. She figured that working with drunken patrons would be a slight step up from working at Legs. It takes every ounce of her self control not to crack a bottle of beer over the patrons’ heads but she’s managed so far. She hates how much the bar, or rather who owns it, feels so familiar to her. The guns, the drugs, the white supremacy- reminded her of daddy dearest and her brothers. As much as she hates her job, it’s not as though she can quit, or get fired- there’s not much employment options for a high school drop out without a GED or much anger management to speak of.

3-5 factoids  ⟨⟨ these can be as simple as a few of their favorite movies and colors, to something more complex that you feel fleshes out your character  ⟩⟩ →

i. She grew up with a father that was very handsy, to put it politely. People, especially men that are much larger than her, touching her sets her teeth on edge. Most of the time, she would unload her glock into their skull, but at work, she is unable to do so. That doesn’t stop the thought from entering her mind everytime an MC gets a bit to close. Her patience has never been that impressive, and it’s wearing thinner and thinner as time goes on.

ii. Colette wouldn’t say she has a vendetta against the church, but she sure as fuck doesn’t believe in their God. As a child, she and her mother would attend every Sunday service and she would pray every week to God above to save her from the awful monster that was inside her daddy. And she never felt any relief. As an adult, she is incredibly bitter about the church and any who place their faith in the old building- or the crook who preaches there. Colette is thankful that most of those high and mighty bible thumpers stay the fuck out of her bar. On the rare occasion that one of them stumble into a seat before her, she maintains composure enough to allow them to come to confession over cheap whiskey.

iii. Despite working for the MC, Colette is positively disgusted with the views the club has about… literally everything. Everything they spew is literal bullshit. She’s lived in bumfuck just as long as the rest of them, and she knows exactly how hateful this town is. She doesn’t agree with any of it, and she’s fairly certain that at least one of the member have caught her snickering at their dated ideals. She’s been able to brush it off, batting her eye lashes and flattering them with compliments until they dropped it. Colette knows she needs to get her mouth under control, for her own safety and stability. She might think all of them are fucking idiots that she doesn’t agree with but she happens to agree with living and having a stable income, thank you very much.

iv. She wouldn’t say that she is an avid defender of the second amendment but she is damn sure that she’s not going to get hurt because some cousin fuckin’ good ole boys come in and decide to test her. Because of this, Colette is always armed. Always. She always has her knife attached to her thigh and she keeps a gun underneath the bar at work. Every room in her house has at least one firearm, though all of them are hidden from the house’s other occupants.

v. Colette and those of her siblings that aren’t incarcerated live in their childhood home. Plenty of her siblings and cousins pass through the house when they’re out on bail, and are welcome to stay as long as they follow Colette’s rules namely - ‘you touch one of my kids and they will never find your body’ - but she is the oldest permanent occupant. As such, she currently resides in the old master bedroom, formerly owned by her parents. There are still bullet holes in the walls and there’s a stink of meth that a decade couldn’t waft out but she prefers it to the time that she had to share her bedroom with three or more people.

[illyriantremors]

Beneath the Stars Chapter 5

Chapter: I II III IV

AO3 Linkage

Summary: Rhysand shows up unexpectedly to help Feyre's family move, bringing Cassian and Azriel with him. Sparks fly between Nesta and the rest of the family as the new house isn't what any of them were expecting, but Rhys has a way of keeping Feyre from completely breaking down throughout the day. [Almost exactly the same as the “Moving Day” fic I posted over summer, though there are some small changes. Sorry for the redundancy!]

Chapter 5

I awoke to a heavy slam! of the front door downstairs. My eyes flew open at the same time my hand groped for the clock on my nightstand, one of the few remaining items I had yet to pack.

6:39am

My eyes sank shut with a silent growl as my chest deflated. Voices several decibels too high for such an ungodly hour reached me from the living room.

Where does it look like I’m going?

Nesta, my brain registered, cataloging the new shade of anger she had somehow managed to find apart from her usual storm. My eldest sister was always angry, like the Hulk in hipster form.

Half your room is still a mess, my dad shouted back. We’re moving today, if you hadn’t noticed! Elain and Feyre’s things are already on the truck.

They’re my things. What do you give a shit what I do with them?

Nesta-

Just don’t, okay? Save it.

I will not save it! You’re free to do whatever the “shit” you want with your things, as you so beautifully put it. No doubt you get the language from that stupid writing degree you have, but whatever you do with your own room, we could have used you last night with the rest of this nightmare. A pause. You aren’t the only one with “shit” to take care of you know!

His voice rose on the last few words as Nesta’s footsteps sounded on the stairs, approaching.

I’ll give a shit about your shit when you decide being a family again is worth caring about!

My heart sped up as her footsteps reached my door and paused. I prayed silently she would leave me alone at least until I’d had a chance to properly wake up. Her own bedroom door slammed and I heard general clutter being shuffled about before the distinct sound of tape was pulled for boxes.

I breathed a sigh of relief and rolled over onto my back, willing my body to wake up.

The ceiling above me was still the crisp, clean white I’d stared at all yesterday afternoon. Empty. Just like the rest of my room.

Every single item I’d ever decided was worth keeping now sat in less than a dozen boxes in a huge Uhaul moving van parked out front. I had so much useless junk to pack, but in the end, I threw most of it away. I felt guilty at the thought of taking it all with us to the new house where we’d have less space. The entire point of moving was to downsize since dad couldn’t afford the monstrosity of a house we’d grown up in anymore without mom. It felt cruel to make him take all of that extra baggage with him to the new home, even if it wasn’t his extra baggage to deal with.

So I had stuffed most of my room into those hideous black bags that never hold their weight like they claim and dumped it into the trash cans out front along with the rest of my doubts over moving.

I had no choice. This was a thing. It was happening. I could accept it with all of the consequences that came with it and move on, or stay behind and try not to drown. I was choosing the former, but somehow I still felt like I was drowning.

Dad’s shout had been loud and angry, the same as when he would fight with mom. I wondered if he had already opened the liquor cabinet.

A light knock tapped on my door. My stomach twisted into knots immediately at the anxiety of it being Nesta, but Elain’s fairy voice put me at ease.

“Feyre?” she said, the door creaking open. I sat up to find her walking toward me, a small tea cup perched in her hand with steam hissing out the top. She smiled as she handed it to me before sitting next to me on the bed. I closed my eyes as the steam kissed my lips before taking a sip.

Chamomile and honey. My favorite.

“Morning, sleepy head,” my second eldest sister said. “I thought you could use a proper wake up after…”

“After Nesta?” I said. Elain shrugged with half an eye roll. I closed my eyes knowingly and took another sip. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure,” Elain smiled, courtesy oozing out of her like an annoyingly delightful old Hollywood film you know should bore the snot out of your 21st century movie filter, but that you can’t help be inspired by. She was staring at me apologetically and I couldn’t help but compare my two sisters.

Unlike Nesta, Elain still came around occasionally, pretended we were still a family even if she was critical of dad’s drinking, something I couldn’t really fault her for even though heaven knew I tried.

I missed when we were kids. They were both a lot older than me and had always been closer to each other than to me, but I could remember us getting along while I was still small.

Now, they felt like strangers more and more to me every day that I didn’t see them. At least Elain had come home when dad asked to help with the house. Sure she’d gotten her skirts dirty, but today she’d had enough foresight to put on some athletic wear. I tried not to notice the Burberry tags sticking off of it.

“Pop downstairs when you’re ready, mmkay?” she said. “We need to get going by 8am sharp if we want to beat moving in the heat!” She bounced up and glided to the door, her hair swishing in a perfect ponytail behind her. She had slipped out the door for half a second before her head darted back in and I saw all of her pearly whites gleam at me. “And I’ve got pancakes!”

And then she was gone again.

It was comforting to know that if Nesta was going to come round today with her usual fire, Elain would be here with her beautiful, happy calm. I needed to stop judging her so harshly when she was so pleasant with me.

I stood up, stretching in my yoga pants and tank. I didn’t bother leaving out a change of clothes or makeup since it would be ruined after a sweaty hour of traipsing up and down stairs. My lone oversized sweater, the one covered in paint stains from evenings spent painting, was all I kept out, figuring it was good for a fight. Maybe it would even bring me luck today. I shrugged it on savoring the smell of the dried paint and the way it knew my soul so well.

Glancing at the clock, I scooped up Elain’s tea and allowed myself the last lazy stare out of my bedroom window I’d refused last night. It was the last time I’d ever see this view. The sunlight filtering through the panes of glass looked stale. I probably should have been sad, but there was some relief in leaving. Maybe the prospect of a fresh beginning in a real neighborhood would make being a family more real.

But my naive morning zen was cut short when I looked out my second story window and saw not the oversized manor across the street, but Rhysand strutting up my driveway with two hulking figures behind him. Tea spat out of my mouth in a spray on the window as the cup toppled on the bed.

I bolted downstairs flying for the door, anxiety crippling my stomach as a million questions flew at once.

What the hell is he doing here! Oh my gosh, I didn’t invite him. I told him I didn’t need help! Why did you have to word vomit on him like that last night, Feyre, you idiot. Now he’s going to think you’re a complete basketcase and he’ll never talk to you again. Wait - why do you even care if he talks to you again??

I reached the door and pulled on the handle, but not before the ring of the doorbell shattered through the house.

Shit.

Rhys’s eyebrows rose as he took in my flushed appearance standing at the door. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I wasn’t wearing a bra beneath my sweater - thank goodness it was oversized - or that I hadn’t yet brushed my teeth. The corners of his lips threatened to turn up in that infuriating smile he made a habit of flashing me, the one that always seemed permanently plastered over his beautiful face.

I quickly stepped outside, forcing Rhys and his friends to jump back in surprise before I shut the door behind me. Crossing my arms, I stared him down.

“What are you doing here?” I spat in a low voice. “And how did you get my address?”

I was going to murder Amren.

Rhys chuckled. “Is there a reason we’re whispering?” he asked. “Are you scared of your family finding us? Or do you have a house ghost? Please tell me it’s not haunted. I’m not sure I’m prepared for protective snuggling this early in the morning.”

I gaped open mouthed at him before darting forward. “Very funny,” I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “Who knew the High Lord of the Student Body Council would be afraid of ghosts.”

“Oh it’s not me,” Rhys replied, hands up cooly in defense. “It’s Cassian.” His head flitted over his right shoulder in the direction of the most chiseled, hulking boy, man - man-boy? - I’d ever seen grace the body of a teenager. Assuming he was a teenager. He had to be if he was hanging out with Rhys, but hot damn, the idea of that monstrosity lurking around campus was almost scary. If it weren’t for the shoulder length hair I imagined was just long enough to tie up, he would have looked way too old for high school.

How had I never spotted him before? The man was a beast.

Rhys leaned in and held a hand up to my ear. I had to resist the urge to back away as he spoke. “Poor kid still can’t get through Casper the Friendly Ghost without crying.”

Cassian shoved Rhys roughly, but Rhys laughed it off uproariously right as the door opened behind me. I froze as I heard my dad’s voice. The boys straightened up at once.

“Feyre?” my dad asked tentatively, eyeing Rhysand warily and very clearly looking around for what should have been Tamlin’s blonde facade. “What’s going on? Who are these-”

“Rhysand, sir,” Rhys said, reaching around me to hold out his hand, no trace of fear whatsoever. My father took it with a look on his face as if he were being asked to hold a viper. “And these are my brothers, Cassian and Azriel.”

My eyes darted briefly to the boy on Rhys’ left, the one he’d named Azriel. He was muscled, but not nearly as much as Cassian, though not as lean as Rhysand either. Somewhere in the middle. But though he had build to him, he looked like a shadow that might float away at the slightest touch. His eyes felt hollow as he took me in and I wondered where the color had gone in them. He hadn’t said anything or so much as moved since I’d stepped out on the porch and he didn’t look as though he intended to change that anytime soon.

And his hands. They were scarred terribly. Even standing behind Rhys in the shadow of our porch, I noticed them. I shivered imagining what could have done something so gruesome. His eyes met mine, catching me staring and immediately our gaze bounced away, the wrong ends of two magnets meeting.

“Brothers?” I asked looking for a distraction. Rhys merely darted his eyebrows up once in reply.

“We heard you could use a hand - or six - moving that truck around today, sir,” Rhys said. At the offer of help, my dad’s entire demeanor changed.

“Oh that’d be great!” my dad said, joining me a step closer, his arm going around my shoulder. He looked so genuinely pleased for me. “You didn’t tell me you had friends coming to help. Good for you, kiddo! Your old man appreciates it.”

The momentary smile so rarely seen on my dad’s face felt like a gift from the gods who must have known I’d been struggling. I sensed a warmth coming from Rhys half a step away and was about to turn and give my thanks, all of my earlier hesitancy about his arrival gone, when a sharp voice snapped from behind my dad.

“That’s because Feyre doesn’t have friends, dad,” Nesta said with that razor of a tongue. Elain stood next to her, a look of worry flickering in her soft grey eyes. My own anxiety returned in full force.

Nesta was wearing a baggy pair of grey cargo pants with a tight fitting crop top that was an equally depressing shade of grey, but I suppose Nesta would have said it was trendy. It showed off her generous curves, particularly the full bust her bra failed to strap down properly, though it wasn’t without taste. Long ash blonde locks similar to my own flowed in waves on either side even as she tucked one length behind her ear to reveal a small patch of hair she’d buzzed short. Dark ruby red lipstick the color of dried blood stained her lips.

I had expected nothing less.

“And who the hell are you, dollface?” Cassian said, eyes widening while a huge grin of interest set off on his face. Nesta’s expression soured even more as she looked at Rhysand’s hellhound before her nose sort of pinched together and she ignored Cassian outright. Cassian chuckled a bit incredulous at the gesture, crossing his arms with sway - a lion preparing for a fight.

“You wanted me to help,” Nesta spat at my dad. “So why are we all standing around out here like a bunch of apes while Feyre pretends to have a life? My shit’s all packed up,” and she pointed behind her to the first of what I was sure would be many boxes to come that she’d brought down. “I’d like to move it into the truck now, unless you’ve decided this family’s actually worth saving and we’re staying?”

I closed my eyes and held my breathe, tension roiling in my gut. With my back turned on him, I was glad Rhys couldn’t see my face where I was sure embarrassment would read in the redness settling in on my cheeks. I had told him we were moving and my parents had split - but he didn’t know the circumstances of how or why and Nesta was riding dangerously close to that line.

“Oh-ho,” Cassian said and he sounded… delighted? “Allow me, dollface.”

He moved forward and Nesta couldn’t help but to stand back and let him by with that huge frame of his looming at her, but she still managed a snarl at him. She was at least a good foot shorter than him. “Don’t call me dollface, shithead,” she said and she sounded furious.

“Nesta Archeron!” my father said and already, my family was shouting at each other again.

“What would you prefer I call you?” Cassian retorted. “If I went with something more honest, I fear we’d enter into a battle of wits and I get the sense you don’t like losing very much.”

My jaw dropped at the same time Nesta’s did, right before her eyes narrowed. Cassian had grabbed two of Nesta’s boxes and was back out the door before she could say another word. I’d never seen her speechless before or called out on her bitchery right to her face. My dad had practically stopped breathing.

“Coffee,” I said to him firmly, grabbing him by the shoulders and willing him to go away. “For the boys? The boys who are so graciously helping us move for free today?”

He took a deep breathe while closing his eyes for a moment before nodding. “Coffee,” he agreed and trudged off to the kitchen I knew was mercifully on the other side of the house.

Nesta was watching Cassian in the distance with a venomous stare that could have murdered him if he wasn’t careful. When he had set the second box down, that stare turned on me.

“He doesn’t touch any more of my stuff. Not a single damn-”

“I know!” I hollered, trying not to join the frenzy of raised voices in this house. “I won’t let him touch any of your precious bloody books. Just go get your junk and move already, okay?”

Nesta scowled, but spun on her heel with a click and disappeared to the bowels of her room upstairs. Elain followed.

When I went back to the boys on my porch, Rhys had tucked his hands into his pockets while a  small, sweet smile played out on his face. “Your family’s positively delightful, Feyre,” he said as if he meant it. As if we were anything but a delight. I still didn’t understand what he was really doing here. “But you’ll have to excuse me if I do say you’re the clear standout among them by a very long mile.”

For the first time, Azriel moved, a short sigh of exasperation escaping him. It was almost imperceptible. Rhys’ eyes danced as he stared into me daring me to laugh. If Tamlin hadn’t canceled on me today, I knew he would have run in the opposite direction the second Nesta appeared at the door ready for a fight. They never got along.

And here was Rhys flirting with me over her.

But the laugh faltered on my lips and with it went Rhysand’s smile. I shook the comparison away, surprised I’d even made it. There was no Rhysand in my life so there was nothing to really compare.

“Let’s just get started, hmm?” I said. “Before I figure out what you three are really up to and I kick you all out on your sorry asses.”

“Oh I like her already, Rhys,” Cassian said walking back to us.

Rhys’ smile returned and he laid a hand out before me to gesture us inside, far too much bravado dripping from his voice. “After you, milady.”

A knight in shining armor after all.

“So what’s the deal with your sister?”

I groaned internally, wishing Cassian hadn’t just asked me that question.

I spent the good part of an hour trying to keep everyone apart while we loaded the last remnants of my old life onto that truck. It wasn’t easy, but somehow I’d managed. Thankfully, it hadn’t taken long.

Nesta dragged behind the longest of all, but by that point I was already sitting in the front seat of Rhys’ car while Cassian and Azriel popped in the back and we shot off.

My stomach growled loudly as Rhys put the car in gear. Whether he heard it or not, he didn’t say, but he did reach into the back seat and pull out the distinctly pink cardboard box that could only house one thing: donuts.

“Thank you,” I said, reaching in for a sugar twist, my absolute favorite. He watched me lick the excess sugar from my fingers with a bit of a haze on his face that I had to remind him he was meant to be driving. He smirked before his head faced forward and concentration became his mask.

I couldn’t help but to study him. That smirk had saved me more than once already this morning. Between Nesta and Cassian nearly crossing paths at every second, my dad rubbing a frustrated hand over his neck when one of mom’s vases dropped, Elain twirling around pretending to be useful when really she was just pretty, Rhys anchored me back to earth with the promise of better on his lips every time.

And now I was sitting in a car with less than a foot separating us while Cassian shoved a devil’s food in his mouth and inquired about my sister. “Like, is she single?” he asked between bites. I snorted.

“Nesta is nearly ten years older than you,” I said leaning around the front seat to look at him. “Ten.”

Cassian shrugged. “I like an older woman.” I scowled and leaned away as he finished chewing, the chocolate glaze smacking against his lips. “Seriously, what’s her deal?”

Rhys kept his eyes on the road like I’d asked, but I could feel his attention on me. I sighed.

“Nesta is, like I said, ten years older than me, which makes her way too old for you, Cassian, so don’t get any ideas. I don’t care what you think you want in a woman. She goes to school in LA where she’s studying Comparative Literature with concentrations in Russian lit and Slavic Languages.”

A tisk from the back seat interrupted me. Azriel. When I looked at Rhys, amusement was flickering on his face before he risked a quick glance at me and cut it short.

Okay…

“She and Elain were only a year apart. I didn’t come along until much later and by that point, I was just a nuisance and a distraction for my parents from giving them the attention they were used to. My parents split over summer and that seems to have been the final nail in the coffin. She’s had a stick up her ass ever since.

“So you see,” I said, leaning back around the seat to look at Cassian again, “you don’t want to bother yourself with her. Nesta is Nesta and nothing and no one has ever - or will ever - change that, including you. I don’t care if your bulky jock brain says otherwise.”

Cassian chuckled. “I’ll try to take that as a compliment.” If he wasn’t a jock, he didn’t care to deny it. He tipped his head back against the leather headrest of the seat seemingly amused and asked, “So where’s the Tool? Isn’t he supposed to be here today?”

I mouthed the word Tool before I realized who Cassian was referring to. My eyes went wide with shock. “Cassian,” Rhys hissed, glaring at him in the rear view mirror.

“You said you guys were brothers?” I shot at Rhys, wondering where in the hell Cassian had come from with his one-thousand interrogation questions and if Azriel would ever say anything to me at all.

“Not by blood, but as good as,” Rhys explained, his voice tight at the sudden mood swings of conversation. “Where are we going exactly?” I gave him clarifying directions and when we’d situated ourselves on a long stretch of the route that would take us nearly to the house, he continued. “I’ve known these pricks since I was a kid. Cass and I met in little league-”

“You were in little league?” I choked. Rhys waved me off proudly with his hand.

“Yes I was,” he said. “And I had baseball’s finest ass while I played, worthy of the big leagues.”

“That has got to be the vainest comment I have ever heard for a - what? Nine-year-old to be so self-aware of their own rear.”

Rhys leaned his head toward me and was completely serious as he said, “You would have drooled over my nine-year-old rear, Feyre.”

I narrowed my glare, aware of the twitch at my lips threatening to break free and tried not to imagine how his now 18-year-old rear might compare. His gaze danced all over my face and I sensed the cocky prick knew what I was thinking. “Eyes,” I warned and he promptly returned to driving, but not without a very smug look on his face.

“Azriel didn’t come along until middle school. He moved in across the street from me and well…” Silence dragged for a moment before I heard Azriel shift in his seat and that was the end of that conversation. I didn’t ask questions. “We’ve been thick as thieves ever since.”

Things were quiet again in the car and I was grateful just to sink into the drive even if I could feel Rhys’ thoughts on me the entire trip, sticking to my skin like glue. But every time I looked at him, the way his hands would tighten on the steering wheel like he wanted to hide them somewhere or how he’d lick his lips with the briefest of exhales as if he’d had trouble breathing, I realized he was nervous.

Rhysand, the confident boy who led student council meetings at school with the principal and administration heads, who walked up to my father and extended his hand the way he would meet the President of the United States and had prepared for it his entire life, was nervous sitting next to me.

“So about the Tool,” Cassian said out of nowhere. I whipped around, feeling suddenly very defensive despite my boyfriend’s failure to appear this morning outside my front door, much like… well much like Rhys had.

“Tamlin is not a tool!” I shouted.

“And yet, you knew exactly to whom I was referring.” Cassian’s arrogance mocked me with every word and I felt as if I could reach back and slap him, muscles and all.

“Cassian!” Rhys barked, nearly slamming on the breaks. I thought he might pull the car over, but he didn’t. “That’s enough.” And somehow, it really was. Cassian didn’t press the issue after that, understanding his captain’s orders, but he still couldn’t get his mind off my sister.

“Do you really think she wouldn’t go out with me?” he asked. I concentrated very hard on not rolling my eyes at him.

“No!” I protested.

“I bet she would. I bet by the end of the day, I can get her phone number.”

“Twenty bucks,” said a deep, velvet voice I wasn’t expecting, so much so that I jumped in my seat and embarrassingly looked at Azriel as if he were the ghost haunting my old house.

Cassian reached his arm out immediately and shook Az’s hand. “Deal.”

I was about to butt in to say they would do no such thing, that he was asking for it and it would be his funeral, but the car slowed to a halt as Rhys put it in park and I realized we’d arrived. At my new home.

A weight sank into my gut, my attention pulled back to the view of my dad jumping out of the truck already in the driveway, my sisters staring forlornly at the much smaller dwelling than they were used to. It wasn’t even a modern track home - a real horror for the pair of ‘em. I could see the ivy curling around the brickwork of the front facade. It had character, could even be considered charming if you didn’t mind that it was an older home, which I certainly didn’t.

Cassian and Azriel got out straight away to start unloading, but I was glued to my seat, my hands braced on the leather of the armrest.

“It’s okay, you know,” Rhys said, his voice quiet. I felt his fingers brush against my hand, not trying to pry, only to reassure. I wondered foolishly what it might feel like if he took it. I couldn’t remember the last time Tamlin and I had simply held hands and I missed it.

Why wasn’t he here?

“They hate it,” I said.

“Your sisters?”

I nodded, staring hard out the window at my broken family. And then it was all flooding out of me and I couldn’t stop it if I had wanted to. “They hate the move so much, the idea that we might be poor by horrifically shallow standards that they’re going to make my dad’s life a living hell because of it. Never mind that he already co-signed on their student loans and sends them money for the deposit on their apartment leases. Never mind that mom’s the one who left and took the bulk of the family’s income with her.”

“Elain’s in school too?”

“She’s in a PhD program like Nesta. Botany. You wouldn’t think it looking at all that polished lip gloss and mascara, but my sister’s quite the brainiac. They both are.” I sighed, blowing hot air through my lips as my gaze fell into a mess at my lap. “And college degrees are expensive.”

“Hey,” Rhys said, his fingers finding my chin and tilting my face until I was forced to look at him. “You want to get out of here? Just say the word, and we’re gone.”

And I could tell he meant it. All I would have to do was nod and he’d turn the keys and take off. His eyes pierced me with the intensity of his words. I was starting to wonder if I’d ever escape the violet depths of them.

I didn’t know what to say, so I just stared at him, contemplating when the last time was anyone had asked what I wanted.

Voices shouted outside the car and my eyelids slammed shut. Rhys’ fingers dropped from my chin. “I have to go,” I said and bolted from the car before he could stop me.

“What do you mean there are only three bedrooms?” Nesta was hollering at my dad. I prayed the new neighbors weren’t around to hear it.

“Nesta, please,” my dad begged, begged at my sister, his voice suddenly low and raw, as if he were bleeding in front of her. “It’s all I could afford,” he whispered. Cassian and Azriel were already unloading the truck, pretending like they couldn’t hear but I knew they could. I wanted to rip my skin apart until the muscle underneath was exposed and then I would rip that apart too until I was bone and blood and dust. I’d never felt so mortified - and by my own family.

Our miseries were private, hidden away for no one to see. What would they say if they knew the reality?

My dad spotted me and his face crumpled, trying to look optimistic and failing miserably.

“Feyre!” he said before coming closer. “There’s only two rooms, but-”

“It’s okay,” I said, feeling my throat clench up. “Elain and I can share, it’s fine. I don’t mind.” Over my dad’s shoulder, I heard Elain yelp in surprise.

“That’s very considerate of you, Feyre, but there is another option if you want it. The attic…”

I took a deep breathe. Of course. Because Heaven forbid Nesta or Elain draw the short stick for once. Silently, I nodded my acceptance. My dad kissed my forehead with a whispered, “Thank you,” and went to help the boys on the truck. I turned around and smacked straight into Rhys’ chest. I hadn’t realized he was standing so close.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked, just like he’d asked on the phone last night.

How can I help?

His arms found my shoulders, steadying me with his grip. And suddenly, I realized the gravity of the moment. The wrongness of it without Tamlin. He should have been the one standing there keeping me grounded while my family fell apart. Not this guy I barely knew, but who seemed willing to let the rest of the world burn if it meant he could make sure I was okay.

“Just help us unload, please,” I said, hating the way the words sounded on my tongue. I strode away as quickly as I could before the tears could start falling, grabbed a box at random, and rushed inside. I was lucky enough to grab one with my name on it, so I made straight for the attic.

Rhys appeared in the doorway a heartbeat behind me, setting a box of his own down. Thank goodness there was a stairway and not some rickety old drop down ladder I’d have to climb. He put his hands in his pockets and stared thoughtfully at me, giving me space to decide where this went from here.

“At least there’s a window,” I said, pointing above where a sizeable skylight was carved into the ceiling.

“Perfect for stargazing while you fall asleep,” Rhys said and brought himself to lay down directly underneath the opening. He put one arm behind his head for it to rest against and stared into crisp, blue sky above. He didn’t mention what had just happened and I was grateful. I found myself slipping down to lay next to him.

“Cassian realizes what he’s doing, right?” I asked. “About Nesta, I mean.”

Rhys chuckled. “Don’t worry,” he replied. “Cassian’s a shameless flirt with everyone.”

“Yeah, well, Nesta doesn’t do shameless flirting. She’ll eat him alive.”

“And you?”

“Pft!” I scoffed. “Trust me, I have no desire to eat anything out of Cassian.”

The snort that rippled out of Rhys was infectious, his entire body radiated with it. “I meant about the flirting,” he clarified and I could feel his head roll towards me. I found those near-violet eyes staring endlessly at me again and before I knew what I was doing, my eyes were looking him up and down, drinking the sight of him in. I pinched a spot on his stomach through his shirt and was met with hard muscle.

“Mmm, skinny,” I evaluated. “But I think I could find something to munch on.”

There was a certain daring to my tone that I wasn’t familiar with. The corners of Rhysand’s lips pulled up in surprise and my face flushed. Had he not expected me to answer?

And then it hit me all over again, the wrongness of the moment. Not even a full minute and I’d already forgotten how I’d felt smacking into him outside wishing it was someone else. What the hell was I doing?

And why did it feel like the only right thing going on in my life?

I sat bolt upright removing my hand quickly from his stomach and blurted, “I have a boyfriend,” cringing on the awkwardness of revealing a truth he was already well aware of.

“So?” he asked simply.

“So? So? So… this can’t be a thing.”

Rhys sat up beside me. “This? Feyre, what exactly do you think I’m doing here?”

“I don’t know, I just…” My shoulders fell and I collapsed inward on myself, finding it hard to think. “You show up here to help me move as if you’d known my family all your life making it very plain you’re aware of the fact that Tamlin’s not here when he should be-”

“In my defense, that was Cassian who pointed that out.”

“Still. And Cassian’s not the only one who can be a shameless flirt. You’re pretty good at it too.” I nudged him with my shoulder and he raised his brows in conceit. “So why come?”

He hesitated for half a second before plunging in. “Because when I saw you at Lucien’s party, you looked sad. More than sad, even. And when I told you about the dance, there was a spark in your eyes that I wanted to see again. But then I called you on the wrong day at the wrong time and you said Tamlin was ditching you when you needed him most even though you tried to make it sound like that’s not what he’s doing, but we both knew it was a lie. And I just didn’t want you to be alone today.”

He shrugged, as if he hadn’t just dropped a grenade onto my lap and pulled the pin.

“Is that so terrible?”

And when I thought about it, I realized it wasn’t. It was actually… kind of nice.

“So then… you’re not trying to put the moves on me?”

“I never said I wouldn’t like to, Feyre, darling,” he teased, but it was nothing more than that. Teasing. “But no, I’m not here to put ‘the moves’ on you. I just thought you could use an ally. It didn’t seem you had one.”

“Is it that obvious?” I said, my voice terribly low.

He nudged me back taking care to ensure the contact was broken completely when the motion had finished. “There’s nothing wrong with feeling alone sometimes, Feyre. The trick is learning how to understand when you’re not and making those moments last. And I do apologize - sincerely - if I’ve, ahem, overstepped.”

When I looked up, his eyes were watching me again full of that same soft expression that had gotten me through the morning thus far. An ally. I could get used to that, I thought. Slowly, with deliberate intention, I nodded and Rhys seemed to understand. And then he jumped up with the grace of a cat and pulled me to my feet.

“So where do we start with this place?” he asked.

“Just bring the boxes up for now. I want to paint it first before I do anything else.”

“You paint?”

“As if you didn’t know.” He snickered.

“What are you going to paint it?”

I shrugged, looking around and taking in the bare wooden walls that slanted at the sides to form my new home. The word still felt foreign in my mind in conjunction with this place, never mind saying it out loud. Maybe the paint would help. I’d never touched my old room with my liquid weapons. Not once.

But it was different here. I could feel it. This was my own little hovel - it deserved to be noticed.

“I don’t know. You got any ideas, Mr. Fine Ass?”

Rhys smirked, leaning against the door frame. “The night sky,” he said instantly. “That way you don’t have to wait to fall asleep to watch the stars shine for you and wish upon them.”

It wasn’t a bad idea. Not at all.

When we stumbled back outside to collect more of my boxes, I found my eldest sister shouting - again. But after talking to Rhys, I didn’t feel quite so upset this time. And I was almost intrigued to watch Cassian stand there on the receiving end of Nesta’s wrath, wondering if he could actually pass the test.

A pile of books - Nesta’s books, her pride and joy above all else - sat in a heap on the grass. Cassian held a box that was far too flimsy to hold the weight of the books and had promptly split in two, dumping them on the ground. Nesta looked furious as she bent down to gather her children.

“You bastard!” she shouted, looking up at Cassian as her hands found a Russian language copy of War and Peace with a fresh tear down the front cover. Cassian looked smug, as if he’d been the one to tear the book and was proud of it.

“It’s not my fault you don’t take care of your things,” he said apathetically.

“Like you’d understand,” Nesta spat. “You wouldn’t understand finer things - art, literature,” and she shook the book at him, getting up from the ground, “if it jumped up and bit you on that hideous crooked nose of yours. This is culture!” Her tone shifted, grown suddenly solemn, the bite gone. “And you just dumped it in the grass like manure. Do you even realize…”

She stared down at her stack of books that she had poured the last ten years of her life into at school, genuinely hurt by what had happened, her own stupid fault for packing in a rush last minute. But it was so much emotion for such scraps at her feet - all she had left to tear her away from a life at home that disappointed her.

Who were Nesta’s friends? Did she have them or did she burn too passionately that the only ones who could take her in and understand were the ones at her feet without a voice to argue back against the fire devouring her?

And then, Cassian spoke, his voice taking on a soothing caress that was soft and caring, as if he did in fact realize what Nesta was saying. As if - he understood.

But that wasn’t what shocked me most. No, what shocked me was the fact that he was speaking to her in perfect, fluent Russian.

Nesta’s head snapped up as Cassian spoke, drawing herself level with him. Hesitantly, enough that I could tell she was tripping over her words despite the fact that I knew she spoke Russian just as well as Cassian apparently could, she replied. A brief exchange ensued and it was the calmest I had seen Nesta, maybe ever.

I looked at Rhys and saw a silent, knowing exchange pass between him and Azriel. So that was what the scoff in the car had been about. Heavens, I wanted to laugh.

Nesta snickered. Cassian repeated whatever he’d said.

Her eyes narrowed. His invited.

She muttered the lone Russian word I knew amid a handful - Yes - and stormed off into the house, a stack of books piled high in her arms.

Cassian went straight to Azriel, his hand outstretched. “You owe me twenty bucks, son.”

“No!” I gasped.

“Oh yeah,” Cassian whooped.

“You got her number?” Azriel asked.

“Better than that. I got a date.”

“No…” I breathed, my mind refusing to accept what he was saying. Rhys was laughing his ass off. “What did you say to her?”

“I didn’t have to say anything.” Cassian stretched his arms wide like a peacock ready to show off. “She’s warm for my form, what can I say? The accent probably helped too.”

“You’re disgusting,” I said, but my tone was more amused.

“Cassian’s dad was Russian ops,” Rhys explained next to me. “He’s been to Russia more times that he can count.”

Explained the muscles, I thought.

“So cough up,” Cassian said, again reaching his hand out to Azriel, who simply shook his head.

“You got a date,” Azriel said. “But the bet was that you’d get her number.”

“Oh come on!”

It was Azriel’s turn to hold out his hand. “Twenty big ones, if you please.”

Cassian dug his wallet out and handed over the cash. “Fucking Azriel,” he said under his breathe as he passed me and returned to the moving truck.

“Technically the bet was good until the end of the day,” I said, addressing Azriel directly for the first time. “Are you going to remind him?”

Azriel looked at me and then slowly, one delicate muscle at a time arched his lips into a faint smile. “Not a chance.”

“Come on, Feyre, darling,” Rhys said clapping Az on the shoulder. “Let’s go unpack ourselves a house.”

[heyitslapis]

Ok, so about my situation with Alex (warning, this is a looong read)

Wednesday night (or should I say 12am Thursday morning) I told her I was ready to talk. She said go for it, and i told her some stuff to start, like how her and Jacob’s relationship wasnt really any of my business, and she didnt have to go into any details about anything that she didnt want to. i told her what i remembered hearing about Jacob, and asked her if it was true. she explained that it was a lot more complicated than she let on. They both were going through some stuff when they met, and neither of them were right for each other at the time. It was a mutual thing. She said there was never anyone keeping the other on a tight leash, so to speak, and when i asked her if it was true that they worked everything out and that they were gonna be ok, she assured me that yes, everything would be fine. After that, i told her that i wrote something for her. It was a Google Doc of everything that i wanted to say, everything i wanted to explain on my end, and let her see what happened from my point of view, but since it was over 2,000 words, she didnt have to read it if she didnt want to. I also told her she could stop after “theres something else” if she wanted, because thats when it got to the point that i wasnt sure if i should leave in. She told me of course shes willing to read it, and i sent her the link.

In the document i explained that i was so upset because i never knew exactly how “bad” things were between them the first time, but that i had a picture painted of him as a bad guy. I explained that when i saw her run up and hug him friday night, even though id never seen him before, the fear cropped up that that was Jacob. i told her how i was shaking and when she introduced us i already decided that i hated his guts because of what i thought he was, and how i was confused and mad and hurt that she would go back to him. How that night i went home and bawled my eyes heart and soul out for 2 hours before deciding that i would distance myself from her until i could rationalize this. i wrote about how much it killed me working with her Saturday and having her act like nothing was wrong and still treating me that exact same cutesy way she always did, and how when my sister hosted a party after work, i didnt want to go if Alex was going. But of course the one time i dont want to socialize, by brother drags us there to help my sister move furniture. I told her how i was sort of ok until she showed up, then it hurt so much that i couldnt bare to have my attention anywhere but in my phone, and that i was practically praying for my brother to take us home. I told her how after we left, my brother said that we only left because she texted him saying that i looked like i needed to go home, and how i cried the whole way home because i felt so bad for it being that obvious that i needed to leave, and for being so rude and standoffish towards her that night when she still cared so much for me, even to offer buying me a chocolaty dessert bc i was cramping. i asked her to forgive me for some details i said that i wont go into, and said that i respect her for doing this for herself and no one else. 

I told her that most of why this whole thing had me this distraught is because as far as I knew, he had hurt her before, and now to see her willingly back at his side when he might hurt her again for who knows how much longer this time made me sick to my stomach. But then I told her the other reason why I was so upset was, admittedly, I'm jealous of him.

I said that i didnt want to tell her, because its cliche and dickish to wait until its too late to admit it, but that i think, or thought, that i loved her. for real loved. I told her that i didnt want her now, because its wrong to want for someone who is already in a relationship, but that i had the biggest, hardest, most thought and emotion consuming crush on her. That it was nothing i had ever felt for another human being before. I explained how I started to develop these feelings in November, and thats only because she snapped me saying that i looked nice (when i was wearing pjs and hadnt showered in days) and then that i was cute followed by two separate snaps of kissy faces, so i thought, surely she must like me and im not being silly. And how the thought that she liked me was too tantalizing to ignore. I confessed that i had felt myself start to develop feelings earlier in the year. How early, i wasnt sure, but that God did i try to stop myself from catching these feelings. That i repeated a mantra in my head for months that she didnt Like me, she just loved me as a friend, and that this is how a real friendship feels and that im being silly. 

But i laid it out there that Ive never had a friend call me cute, and so often. I've never had friends drunk-sing love songs to me through another person's snapchat. I've never had a friend snap me a picture of her watching some comedian and say “He’s talking about being in love with this girl. ❤ Love you.” I've never had a friend text me at 2:05 in the morning, unprovoked, just to say “Quick reminder that you’re my favorite and I love you!”, or kiss my face twice the night of our store’s Christmas party, or tell our key manager that only I can cuddle with her. And never have I ever had a friend literally 4 months after we meet tell me that if I got a tattoo, she’d get my initials tattooed on her, and then 9 months later get a tattoo permanently added to her body of a flower that I gave her because “she loves orchids and the people who give them to her”, and then a month after that tell me that every other time she looks at it she cries cause she loves it and says “I love you so much. ❤❤❤” (<- that was the actual chunk of words that i wrote in the Doc) 

I said that yes, I remember all of them. Because they made such an impact on my locked up little affection starved heart that I couldnt even begin to explain how those moments made me feel. And because with each one that would be added, it would prove to me that maybe this was real. Maybe I'm not being paranoid or delusional or just dreaming up a fantasy.

I wrote that despite being convinced that she requited a crush on me, I couldn't bring myself to ask her how she really felt about me, because 1) I was so scared of being wrong that I thought I’d rather sit idly by to see if she’d eventually make the first move. 2) I wasn't out, and am too scared to come out, so even if she did like me back, it's not like we’d be able to be a thing. And 3) She already had my one brother fall for her and then snap because she didn't feel the same way and dated a dude from work instead, and then my eldest brother thinks shes gorgeous and was convinced that she was/is into him, so I thought the last thing she needed/wanted was another kid from my family “falling in love” with her. But that believe me when I say that I've mentally wrestled my hand over my own mouth literally every other day since at least January to stop myself from asking her.

I promised that even as I was writing, that I didnt want her to know. I didnt want her to know because now that shes in a relationship, this just looks like I’m trying to confess my love in a last ditch hope of “winning the girl” and making her want to leave him again for me, but that’s not what I wanted. Letting her know all this just makes everything 1000x more complicated for everyone than it needs to be, not to mention the awkwardness of it. That the only reason I was saying all this is so that she could fully understand why knowing shes back with him affected me as bad as it did, I said bc I can guarantee that any one of her other friends aren't spending their weekend/week crying like a heartbroken middle school girl because their best friend got back with her ex. I admitted I’m jealous, and I’m mad at myself because I feel like I went and got my heart broken, because even after a decade of telling myself that I don't want or need a relationship, I was a fool and let myself catch feelings and fall harder than I imagined, all because someone showed me a little affection. I told her i know that this wasnt inherently her fault, I projected feelings when I shouldn't have, and I can only be reasonable and face the fact that I should've taken a chance months ago, but we all miss doors that stand open for us, and we all regret not taking that first step through when we had the chance. That’s my fault. I made that bed, and now I get to lay in it. I told her that she showed me a love that I've never known, and I never thought I'd know, and for that, I gave her thanks. 

Then i wrote that i’d be ok, as long as she was ok. I swore to her that her happiness and safety matter to me above all else, and that if he treats her with all the love, respect, and gentleness that i wish for her, that would make me happy. I told her that I hope that they are on mutual grounds now, and that they did work it out, and that he treats her like the Earthbound Aphrodite that she should be treated as. Because if he hurts her, it’ll break my heart. I said that if that happens and she leaves him, I won't let myself be the emotional rebound, no matter how desperate I am. (which honestly, i probably shouldnt have said that, or i at least should have added “given that you felt the same way”. but oh well. this is all behind us now.) 

She responded, saying that she wasnt exactly sure what to say, but that she had a feeling she knew what all of this was about. She said that im honestly the best friend she’s had, and shes cares for me so much. That she loves and respects me on another level, and that she was mad at him for coming in last Friday because she was trying to work her way up to talking to me about it. She said that she doesnt want to hurt me by anything she does, and that it was killing her to hide it from me. She promised me that she’ll never stay in a relationship where she wasnt valued or treated well, and that she’ll always be open and honest with anything going on with her. She told me “Thank you for letting me in on everything going on in your head. You’re so special to me.” 

I told her i know, i guess im pretty bad at being subtle and hiding things, but that i keep apologizing bc i didnt want to be that little girl that fell for something that wasnt there, and that i didnt want to burden her with knowing how i felt, especially now that shes in a relationship, and that i never wanted this to happen. I hated that i projected this on her. I promised that she doesnt hurt me, and its not her job to tell me every little detail about her personal life.That im a friend, not a parole officer keeping tabs on every little thing she does. If anything, i hurt myself, but i’ll live. I told her not to be mad at Jacob, because he didnt know, and he especially didnt know that i’d be jealous. I know shes smart and wont stay where shes not valued or treated well, and that she doesnt have to report everything about her life to me, but if she ever wants to tell me something, even if shes anxious about it, she can tell me. I thanked her for being chill and patient with me. I told her its hard for me to get rid of my jealousy so easily, but that i feel im accepting it well, considering this is my first experience with this stuff. I told her i might not be the one for her rihgt now, or even ever, but that when she does find that person, im gonna cheer for her because she deserves that happy ever after. I said as for Jacob, i’d keep an open mind. That he’s just a dude after all. I told her thank you for being so awesome and gentle with me, and that i love her.