#bc then we’d get to the point where it wouldn’t hurt so much and we wouldn’t be so tired

[decembermoonskz]

.

[gh0stsp1d3r]

hii!! i love your tangerine fics and i was wondering if you could write one where tangerine and the reader are enemies/rivals/can't stand each other and for some reason are sent on a mission together

they accomplish the mission but the reader is hurt and tangerine has to "patch" her up (not sure if it's the right word for that but i think you know what i mean) and maybe stich her up. while he's quietly scolding her for being irresponsible/getting hurt he notices that she's crying (maybe bc it's hurting or she's afraid of needles or both)

thank you angel<3l

(Wo)man with a plan

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@little-miss-dilf-lover

@earth-elemental18

You and the twins weren’t enemies exactly, more like rivals. Tangerine and his brother always somehow beat your number one spot in the agency. Whenever you got sent on a mission, they got sent on three. It was ridiculous, and they were clearly being favored.

So when they told you that you had to go with them on a mission, you feel like pulling your hair out. They’re asking you to stay with your rivals for a whole day!

“Just get the job done fast and you’ll be fine, girl. Plus, tangerine is like… fine as hell. I wouldn’t mind staying with him for a few days.” Your friend said while she took a sip of her milkshake.

‘ She wasn’t entirely wrong’ you thought, but quickly shook that thought away. “You’re not helping!”

Your friend shrugged “Sorry. Just saying the truth.”

You groaned and put your head on the table, you spotted something in the corner of your eye.

Tangerine and Lemon.

You side-eyed them while they came up to you and your friend.

“So, we’re going on a mission together?” Lemon asked.

“I guess so.” You mumbled.

“This is ridiculous. They can’t change it?”

“I already asked. Apparently it’s some hard mission that three of the best agents need to go on.” You mocked them.

“Great. Just fuckin’ perfect. C’mon, Lemon, we still gotta debrief.”

They walked away and you rolled your eyes and turned your head back to your friend.

“I mean, who actually debriefs? I just click yes to all the questions on the computer.” You rolled your eyes.

“Same. It’s just too annoying.”

“I mean, Why can’t we be partnered up? We’d be great partners.”

“I keep asking, but noooo.” She rolled her eyes.

“Fucking idiots.” You sighed.

——————-

The mission wasn’t too hard.

The three of you stalked the target, apparently it was some millionaire who was a gang member and a big deal. The rival gang leader saw him as a threat, and that’s why your here.

You looked through your sniper scope, and followed him with it. You put it down and turned to them, you threw crouched on a roof

He had lots of bodyguards, so it wasn’t gonna be too easy.

“Alright, so what do you say we do?” You said.

“I say we snipe them all from up here.” Lemon said, thinking better than his brother.

“I think we should just go down there and do OUR thing.” He emphasized the our, referring to him and Lemon.

You usually did long range, and you were better at snipers, which was your main weapon.

“Seriously? Now is not the time for this. There’s too much of them, and you’d be too outnumbered.”

“I’ve handled more than them by myself.”

“Yeah and you almost died.” Lemon snickered, his brother hit him in the arm.

“Jesus Christ. Would you both shut up?” You mumbled, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“So, what do you think we should do, Angel?”Tangerine scoffed.

The gears turned in your head as you thought. You grabbed out a piece of paper that you always had and a pen that you also always had.

“Why do you just have paper and a pen in your pockets?”

“Because I’m prepared to plan, unlike you.” You mumbled.

You started to draw out a plan.

“Okay, so this is you both.” You pointed to two circles with a T and a L, then you pointed to what was supposed to be a back door that was unguarded. And you continued with the plan, they understood and the plan begun.

You stayed up on the roof, while they went down and knocked out most the guards while you shot the others. They were on high alert, and you didn’t notice some of them look directly at you and sneak out from the other door.

One had come up behind you while you focused on the boss, then he came up behind you and stabbed you in the back. You yelled out in pain, and dropped your gun. He stabbed you again in your stomach once you turned around.

You quickly jumped on him, scratching him and punching his face repeatedly. You grabbed his knife that he had dropped on the ground and stabbed him in the heart, twisting it and then leaving it and standing up heaving.

You didn’t have time to worry about you bleeding out, and instead you immediately picked up your gun and looked around for the boss.

It wasn’t that hard to kill him once the people guarding him dropped to the ground and he was the only one left. He held out his gun, frightened. He finally saw you, you smiled to yourself and shot him before he could shoot you.

You put the gun away, putting it back into your bag behind you.

You sat down, breathing heavily. You took out a first aid kit from your bag, you didn’t realize how much you were really bleeding. You held your stomach and your head rolled back.

“Fuck…” you mumbled, looking at the blood on your hands now.

Tangerine and lemon came over to you, both worried.

“Oh shit. Alright.” Tangerine said, he sat next to you and slapped you so that you did not fall asleep.

Lemon handed him some bandages as tangerine lifted up your shirt, he grabbed some towel that was in the first aid kit and applied pressure on the wound. Once the bleeding somewhat stopped, he put a bandaid on it.

“He get you anywhere else, Angel?”

“My back.” You mumbled, pointing.

He mumbled something you didn’t hear and looked at your back, he lifted your shirt up and shook his head.

“That one’s not as bad, but still..” he put a large bandage on it.

“There’s a safe house not too far, we should probably head out.” Lemon said.

“Yeah.” Tangerine said, and held out his hand to help you stand up. You grabbed it and walked next to him.

“It’s not that bad, yeah?”

“Nah, I’ve had worse.” You said.

He chuckled. “Of course you have.”

——————

As soon as you got to the safe house, lemon was asleep.

Tangerine stayed up, he patched you up even more. You complained that it had hurt, and he had hesitantly agreed to let him take care of it even more.

He pulled off the bandages, and looked at the blood. He grabbed some rubbing alcohol and put it on the wounds, your shirt was off and you were left in your bra. If you currently weren’t hurting so much, you would’ve been embarrassed. But you weren’t.

You sucked in a breath as soon as the cold liquid hit your skin, it burnt and tangerine was focused.

“You’re so irresponsible. This is why I keep telling them explicitly that I don’t wanna do missions with you. You’re a good assassin, we just don’t work together-“

It burnt, it felt like your stomach was on fire almost! Your tears hit his arm and he looked up.

“Jesus Christ- Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. I don’t know why I’m crying.” You mumbled and wiped away the tears.

“Does it burn?”

"Yeah.”

“You’re crying because it burns?”

“Well… yeah.”

“You’re a top assassin, you’ve been shot and stabbed multiple times and you’re crying because rubbing alcohol burns?”

“Yes.” You laughed out, still crying.

He laughed quietly and shook his head. He continued cleaning it.

“I didn’t mean what I said. You’re not irresponsible. Just kinda wish I saw the bastard leaving soon so that I was in bed already.”

You laughed quietly “I’m sorry, about all this.”

“It’s alright.” He shrugged it off. He didn’t get much sleep either way.

And maybe, just maybe, this team would work out.

[tracybirds]

Where Parallel Lines Meet (6/?)

wee bit overdue but wow February sure was a month..... I managed to carve out time to add to this in lil chunks and I'm so glad I got to finish this chapter :D More of what I love, John and Alan being bros and chatting about life! I think given university has started for me and given I'm knee deep in work and various other projects that I'm shifting my loose schedule aim to a chapter a month, at least until things calm down <3 That'll give me time to work on other things too which strikes the happy balance I want :D

Huge thanks to @gumnut-logic who had the dubious honour of reading all the bits and pieces that I sent, entirely out of order because of who I am as a person, and being lovely and supportive and also everyone who commented and left likes and reblogged and things bc I'm not the best at replying bc time who but I love you all all the same (I'm writing this late at night, can you tell from the sap??)

Title is adapted from a line in Sarah Howes’ poem ‘Relativity’ (scroll to the bottom of the article)

A fight between John and Alan is followed by an interstellar storm with unexpected consequences.

[Part 1] | [Part 2] | [Part 3] | [Part 4] | [Part 5] | [Part 6] | [Part 7]

---

“Keep it steady,” said Alan, eyes darting across to John’s hands flying across the controls. “She needs more thrust, don’t hesitate.”

John’s jaw was set hard as stone as he eased the throttle forward, his gaze firm and never once leaving the navigational display.

Fast as he moved, there was an undeniable indecision in his motion, his usual dexterity made clumsy with uncertainty.

The experience would come soon enough, Alan knew that, but for now he quietly compensated for John’s mistakes as his fingers lingered on controls rather than leaping to the next task. 

Anything to keep them flying as long as possible, exhilaration keeping them aloft as much as the laws of virtual physics programmed into the simulator.

Wide, green eyes left the screen for a split second, a grin spreading across John’s face as he looked at Alan. The sky beneath their feet swooped upwards with the momentary lapse of concentration, vertigo rushing through Alan’s head as John hit the controls a moment too late, the plane careening to the side.

Alan had been in this situation before, knew how to shift his body weight backwards, how to plant his feet firmly on the floor and brace. Muscle memory took over, a laser focus in his eye as he moved, leaning over to slam the keys on John’s side when he didn’t react like he should have.

It wasn’t enough to be a team, not when they flew the Thunderbirds. A team was made up of individuals, who all banded together and worked towards a common goal. Alan had spent years having the fact drilled into him – if all he had was a team surrounding him when things went wrong, people would get hurt.

His brothers were more than a team. They were his co-pilots. Extensions of one machine, living and breathing not a common goal but the exact same one.

He could hear John yelling in his ear, yelling loud and long and tinged blue with fear and Alan didn’t give up, wouldn’t give up but he was down a co-pilot and the ocean blue beneath him rushed upwards until it filled his vision and his eyes snapped upwards to…

Black.

John’s shuddery gasps echoed around him while Alan sat back in the chair, stunned.

It had been a long time since he’d been in a simulator crash.

He groped with his right hand, feeling for the edge of John’s chair while his vision still swirled with the bright light of the computerised ocean.

“You okay there?”

“Yeah,” said John, sounding shaken. “Didn’t think I’d freeze like that.”

“Mental overload,” said Alan. “J-Scott told me the first time that it happens to everyone.”

“Guess that’s the point,” said John. “Figured we’d just get a ‘Game Over’ screen not…”

He trailed off and in the dim light, Alan could just see his hand waving vaguely at the screen.

“Was it meant to do that?” asked John.

Alan snorted.

“Were we meant to crash into the ocean, you mean? I don’t want to fly with you if you think that’s the final destination.”

“I’m not an idiot,” said John, in a lofty tone that Alan just knew was accompanied by his signature eye roll.

Really, they might be able to trademark it soon.

“I meant was it a winnable scenario, could I do it better?”

“Yes,” said Alan, standing and stretching. “You could. But not now, I want food before we go for another round.”

“Aw, do we have to?”

Alan poked him in the back, digging his fingers into the place that he knew would make John jump to his feet.

“Yes, we do, it’s like three in the afternoon. And I’ve still got assignments to do.”

“You always have assignments to do.”

“Yeah, well I got behind,” said Alan, mouth twisting uncomfortably downwards. “You better take a look at what Brains gave you too otherwise you’ll be barred from the sims.”

They left the room, wandering back towards the elevator that would take them upstairs.

“I just wanted one more go,” said John, glancing back over his shoulder at the pokey little room. “I could have done it.”

“Then consider this a debrief. You always need food at a proper debrief, that’s rule number one about debrief.”

“What’s rule number two?”

Alan grinned.

“Don’t be a smart ass.”

John pulled a face at him and they laughed and joked together all the way up to the kitchen.

They gathered the ingredients quickly, stacking them a mile high and laughing as Alan’s sandwich toppled sideways and John’s became more cheese than anything else.

“Let’s go up to the round house,” suggested Alan. “Good food, good views, and all that.”

A few short minutes later, they collapsed on the balcony, legs swinging freely over the side.

The sun shone bright in the sky, lazily sliding in and out from behind the clouds. Silver capped waves were rolling far below them over the deep blue of the ocean and the wind sang a gentle song in their ears as it rustled through the forest.

It was a fine afternoon, one of those days that made Alan glad he lived in this beautiful place.

Gradually the chatter between the brothers died away, each enraptured by the moment before them which demanded attention and directed them to silence.

Alan tried to think back to the last time he’d been here, captured in this moment on the balcony with a different John.

A small act, sharing lunch and laughs together, something they’d done a thousand times, yet Alan couldn’t recall when it had last happened.

He loved John, he really did, but he didn’t want him overwriting his precious memories. He wished the old John – no! His John, he fiercely reminded himself – had been home more, wished that the Chaos Crew hadn’t stolen those last few weeks away.

He swallowed past the hard lump in his throat.

For the hundredth time he apologised silently for that last argument, for being a source of stress when he should have been anything else.

Ironically, he thought he understood his older brother more than ever now that he wasn’t here.

From far away, they couldn’t hear the breaking of the waves, but Alan had grown up with its song in his ears, the gentle tossing of the waters one he could recall at will.

A seabird drifted on the wind, bobbing up and down on unseen currents as it glided over the ocean. As Alan watched, it banked and dove, making a beeline for its cliffside home.

Together, he and John sat in silence, soaking up the sun and the taste of salt in the air, an easy peace settling between them.

An electric hum began to gather in the air, compression waves carrying an engine roar over the ocean, and Alan knew that sound better than his own heartbeat.

“Is that Thunderbird One?” asked John, squinting a little as the sound enveloped them.

The first glimmer of red in the far-off distance confirmed it seconds later and Alan felt his spirits start to soar over the horizon with it.

Scott was home.

“It sure is,” he answered, but already John needed no reply as Thunderbird One approached at speed, shifting smoothly into vertical descent and hovering as the pool slowly retracted.

Alan knew Scott wouldn’t be looking for them, but he couldn’t help but wave all the same.

“Virgil and Gordon can’t be far behind,” he said. “And they weren’t out for long, I hope it went okay.”

“Why wouldn’t it?”

Alan’s excitement at seeing Thunderbird One, which always felt as though he were seeing Scott himself, faded away into a sombre sadness that always lived inside him.

“It doesn’t always,” was all he said.

John looked down, eyes following Thunderbird One as she descended into the depths of the island hangar far below them.

“Oh.”

Alan reached out and clasped his shoulder, compassion brimming in his eyes as he looked at him.

“Hey now, there’s no use making assumptions,” he said. “With any luck, it was easier than they expected and they’ll all get a bit of a break. Might even get to watch a whole movie with them.”

“As long as it’s not that stupid fighter pilot one,” said John with a scowl. “We’ve started it like five times already.”

Alan laughed.

“It’s Gordon’s turn, don’t worry.”

“That worries me more,” retorted John.

“Only downside is Scott will want to see my progress,” said Alan, groaning as he leant back and stared up at the sky. “It never feels like I’m any closer to being done. Least he can help me with the geometric reasoning thing, I keep mucking it up.”

John rolled his eyes.

“You could have said, I’d have helped you.”

Alan snorted.

“You,” he said jabbing a finger at John, “were busy sulking about being bored and how I did nothing but dumb assignments literally three days ago.”

“I was not.”

“Was too.”

“Well, maybe,” said John, pouting a little. “But it was true, I was bored. At least now I have the sims.”

“And assignments of your own? Brains gave you that packet, right?”

John coughed.

“I guess, technically, yeah,” he said squirming a little. “It might still be on my bedside table though.”

Alan groaned.

“Scott’s gonna kill me and it’s gonna be all your fault.”

“History’s just so boring,” whined John. “Who cares what some old guy did a hundred years ago?”

“You’re right, a hundred years ago they only landed on the Moon,” said Alan, sarcastically. “Hasn’t changed humanity forever at all. We only have Martian colonies now.”

John rolled his eyes.

“Okay, fine I take your point. But it’s not like it’s on the Moon landing, it’s all the Revolutionary War and stuff.”

He caught Alan’s eye and shrugged.

“I did at least read it,” he said.

“Whatever you say, squirt,” said Alan.

John scowled at the nickname that never ceased to delight Alan, but he made no argument. He shuffled closer, a hard light glinting in his eyes that told of a sudden resolve to ask something that had been plaguing him for a while now.

“Go on,” he said, waving his hand at John. “What’re you thinking?”

John looked at him, clear consideration in his eyes.

“I’ve just been wondering,” he said. “Why do you have so many assignments?”

Alan stared, propping himself up on his elbows so that he could see John more clearly.

“I’m sorry?”

“I don’t have nearly as many,” said John. “Besides, your portrait’s got an iR uniform on, the others listen when you say something about a rescue, and you’re a whizz on those simulators. I can’t see why they’d stop you from going except you’re always doing school stuff instead. And I can’t figure out where it’s all come from.”

Alan didn’t know what to say.

Or he did, but he didn’t want to say it.

It had been one thing, slipping into John’s room all those weeks ago to talk things through with him, to apologise and make up. He’d done it a thousand times before but the last time had never happened and the torn edges of that relationship still ran jagged inside him.

He knew what John would have said, knew how John would have helped pick him back up again like all his brothers had before. But it hadn’t happened this time.

And it was an entirely different thing to admit his foolishness to this John who was so fierce and righteous, more likely to mock him than forgive him.

He screwed up his courage, coiling his stomach like a spring and steeling his nerve.

“Like I said, I got behind. I messed up,” he said. “Plain and simple. Scott and John pulled me from duty just before…”

He trailed off, staring out across the water, unsure if he’d said too much. John was still a touchy subject for, well, John and Alan stole a glance at his little brother.

Although not so little now, he was starting to grow as fast as Alan was.

But rather than looking upset at the mention of his counterpart, John appeared more indignant than anything else, a familiar fire in his eyes as he prepared to scorch the injustices of the world.

“You made one mistake? That’s it? And so they piled on the work so you’d never have fun again?”

“That’s not what...” began Alan, but John was off, ranting as though he’d been personally dealt the blow. In seconds he was on his feet, pacing back and forth on the balcony as he raved. He looked so much like John, furious at Fischler or shouting down some paper’s conclusion or drawn into some interest that he couldn’t help but move as he explained his thoughts.

He twisted around suddenly with a fierce scowl.

“And you just take it, Alan, I’ve never met anyone so… so…”

He struggled for a moment, then flopped back down next to him.

“You’re just so agreeable,” he said. “You seem to think they’re right and that’s the worst part of all.”

John lay down, his arms spread wide.

“Worked it out of your system now?” asked Alan with an amused smile.

“Probably not. You’re gonna say something stupid about how they are right, aren’t you.”

“Yup.”

“Fine,” said John. “I’m listening.”

Alan thought for a moment, wondering how to start.

“It’s been ramping up for a while. The Chaos Crew, I mean. You know who they are?”

John nodded.

“They were running circles around us before you arrived. I don’t know when they slept because it sure felt like we didn’t. At first it was easy, leaving an essay to go help on an emergency. I could do it when I got back, or the next morning. No big deal, and then I could ask Virgil to help me with it. Only I couldn’t. There wasn’t any time, not for any of us and then I realised that I didn’t have enough required homeschooling hours to complete the term and half a dozen assignments due so I hacked the system so it wouldn’t alert anyone. I mean what was the big deal, I could catch up over the term break easy.”

“I guess you didn’t do that.”

Alan shook his head.

“It all sort of snowballed from there. The school eventually cottoned on and their truancy officer contacted Scott.”

“Busted,” said John.

“Yep.”

Silence fell between them, and Alan’s thoughts drifted back to Scott, who would be running through the post-flight checks as they spoke. He almost wished Scott had been told earlier, wished for a moment’s notice that might have told his brothers that he hadn’t been doing okay.

“They should have seen how bad it had gotten,” said John. “They shouldn’t have had to be told.”

Alan looked over at him, carefully assessing his words.

“It wasn’t their fault,” he said with a shrug. “It ramped up so slowly, none of us saw it. And now that I’ve broken free of that, I see it even more.”

He sighed, lost in thought, wondering if they’d ever see the end to the chaos being scattered across the globe.

“It’s not always like this,” he said at last. “The others aren’t usually gone so much, Brains isn’t always busy and Grandma usually never leaves unless it’s time to go shopping.”

He grinned.

“Grandma loves shopping, she’s probably going to bring home a mountain when they figure out what happened to you.”

“What’s it normally like then?” asked John.

“I don’t know,” said Alan. “Less lonely, I guess. If you weren’t here, I’d be by myself.”

He shot John a small smile.

“I’m glad I’m not. By myself, I mean.”

He frowned, trying to think of how best to answer John’s question.

“I guess normally it’s more balanced. I still have school, but I help out on rescues too. Scott isn’t as stressed, Virgil and Gordon are usually hanging around, making food and swimming in the pool and stuff. Kayo’s here too and we’d play games together and help Brains trial stuff.”

“And I’m up in space,” said John, a wistful tone in his voice.

“Yeah, you are,” said Alan, but then he nudged him and laughed. “Wouldn’t always feel like it though, you pop up and chat all the time. Sometimes you’d let me come up for ‘zero gravity training’ but we’d just play games and look at the stars and talk. I miss that. Even if he was here and you weren’t, I’d still miss that. He didn’t have a lot of time for me in the end.”

“Wow, so I was a jerk, huh?”

Alan gave John an odd look.

“That’s not what I meant. He didn’t have much time at all. Like I said, it’s not normally like this, the Chaos Crew are running all the others ragged. They’re exhausted and I can’t help them until I catch up, that’s the deal.”

“It’s a shit deal.”

Alan shrugged.

“The whole situation’s shit. Doesn’t make it any better to waste time complaining about it. Bottom line is when I get them done, I can help again.”

“And then I guess you’ll leave me too.”

The words were muttered, not meant for anyone else’s ears, but Alan knew that feeling, knew that fear of being left behind more than any of the rest of them, and so they rang in his ears loud and clear.

“I’ll still have school,” he said, hesitantly, knowing how the reassurance would fall flat and inadequate. “And with me back out on rescues, the others will be home more, they’ll have time to rest.”

They sat in silence.

“Well then,” said Alan. “I guess, the other option is that you kill it on those sims so you can come out too.”

“You think they’d let me? Doesn’t seem like Scott’s going to be keen any time soon.”

Alan snorted.

“Scott let me fly a rocket when I was fourteen. He’ll let you do anything if you prove yourself.”

He tapped his wrist, pulling up the time and thinking it over.

“Scott’s probably out of the shower and things by now if we want to ambush him. Or if he’s wanting a nap, we could get some more practice sessions in for you. I can do the geometry thing after dinner.

John leapt to his feet.

“Well, hurry up then! What are we waiting for?”

Alan laughed and hauled himself upright.

He couldn’t help but love the easy excitement John brought to the sims, which were in all truth fairly boring. Alan had done them over and over, knew them inside out and could fly most of them with his eyes closed.

The sims were fun, the next best to flying for real and Alan missed flying so much it ached in his chest.

But there was a fresh vibrancy to them now with a younger brother to teach and as he raced after John, carrying the plates he’d left on the balcony in his excitement, he couldn’t help but feel his spirits lift and his heart leapt with a thrilling jolt of excitement.

Alan smiled broadly.

He was really starting to like having a little brother.

[Part 7]

[sadboyythoughts]

It’s not your job?

Whoever said it was your job?

Being respectful of my relationship? How is that being respectful? Tell me that, you said you were gonna leave so you can focus on your partner which is definitely understandable but you said you were going and that should help my relationship? Time after time I defended our relationship to people.

When do you ever jump through hoops to be in my life? Never. You came and went. When ever you wanted and I let you back in EVERY SINGLE TIME. That’s on my that’s my bad. Yes you emailed me, but it was a half ass email. Nothing about showing you cared about our relationship. So yes I still have you blocked bc you didn’t put in no effort.

I did not throw you out the window. You up and left. Again.

You never “forced” your self in my life. I always working you back in. I always end up falling for you and the fact that I can never end up with you is what hurts every time. But you don’t see that. I also did not put you down constantly. I said everything I had to say to you about how I was feeling. We had conversations about it yes. But I didn’t constantly tell you shit about the past. An yeah you had earned my trust and my love back that I always had for you. I let my walls down for you. You picked who you wanted to be with for the rest of your life and I don’t blame you at all for that bc I can never give you what you need if I was able to maybe you’d be with me but I can’t and there for you’re not. But apparently I’m a dead horse? Sheesh man. Good to know. All I do is take.. good to know.

Never said I was going to blame you for being a Gemini dude. Despite how much I hate Geminis I didn’t hate you I always took you back. ALWAYS.

You mite not remember this but every time you left I always begged you. I always tried to message you. I cried so much over you. So yeah it takes time for someone to trust again. After all you did was take and leave. You made me feel used. This time? I don’t feel used just disappointed. Even if it was a miss communication simply saying you didn’t want me to leave, something in that aspect I wouldn’t of done what I did. But you will never understand that. Bc apparently all I do is take.

I get it. You wanted to leave my life so it wouldn’t hurt you as much. But if the tables where turned you still show no sign of anything.

I’ll always be just some girl you kissed when you a kid.

Now you tell me to forget you? Fine. You’re right what’s the point. We’d never have a future together. I’d never be good enough for you.

You had said nice things before about me. But then you go and say things that you know that will hurt me.

I won’t make you a villain in my story bc there’s no story. We were friends. Nothing came out of it. No story to tell.

I’m sorry for blocking you. I hope you do have a nice wedding and everything. I hope you get through all your hard times. I do wish you the best.

Ps. This hurt me the most I have ever been hurt. An it all has to be silent. Not like I can vent to anyone about it so I’ll just let it slowly kill me.

[the-bau-quinjet]

hiii! i don’t know if you have done this but can you do a hotch x reader where they get kidnapped by tobias instead of reid? xx

4 Months

Warning: Criminal Minds level violence, drugs, torture, rabid dogs

Word Count: 3562

a/n: I decided to switch up some of the specifics, just to make it a bit more fun to read. I hope you like it :) Also, we're pretending Rossi was there bc he is really the father of the group and it fit better than having Gideon 🤷‍♀️

Masterlist

"JJ, we have to split up." You barely looked back at her, missing the nervous expression on her face as you ran toward the cornfield. "I'll take the field, you take the barn."

You slowed to a brisk walk as you neared the cornfield, raising your gun in front of you. You couldn't help but think about how pissed Hotch would be if he knew what you were doing.

You shook off the thought, knowing he would do the same if the roles were reversed.

Spotting movement, you moved farther into the corn, trying to spot any signs indicating which way Tobias went. A bent corn husk was the last thing you saw before the world went black.

-

"He's not a witness. He's the unsub." Hotch's eyes went wide as he realized you and JJ were there without backup. "Call JJ, now." He instructed Morgan, taking out his own phone to call you.

Hotch's eyes met Morgan's as both calls went unanswered. No words were exchanged as everyone ran out to the SUVS, putting on bulletproof vests as they went.

Hotch was nervously tapping the steering wheel the entire drive to Hankel's house. He couldn't stop replaying your last conversation.

"Y/N, you and JJ go talk to Hankel. Find out if he saw anything." Despite his stern expression, you could tell his eyes were smiling at you.

"Sure thing." You nodded, mouthing 'I love you' before turning to JJ.

That's it. He didn't even have the chance to mouth it back. JJ would've seen, and even though the team has theories about your relationship, you haven't confirmed anything yet.

He pulled into the driveway, running up to the house, gun out before anyone could stop him.

Prentiss followed Hotch, Morgan and Reid took the left, Rossi and a local cop took the right.

They tore through the house, clearing it with fierce determination, but came up empty.

"It's clear." Rossi called, joining Hotch and Prentiss in the living room. "Where are Morgan and Reid?"

Hotch spared a glance out the window, discovering the barn likely being cleared by the missing agents.

Everyone ran out of the house, arriving outside the barn just as Morgan and Reid lead a distressed JJ outside.

"What happened?" Hotch questioned, glancing over JJ's shoulder into the barn. Clearly you weren't there, but he needed to hope.

"We split up. Y/N went into the cornfield... I had- I had to shoot them." Her voice was detached, eyes glazed over.

"The dogs." Morgan clarified, leading JJ to a paramedic.

"Dammit. The house is clear. No sign of Y/N or Hankel." Hotch ran a hand through his hair, trying to clear his mind. The worry was nearly overpowering, but it wouldn't help find you.

The sheriff approached, removing his hat. "A deputy two towns over gave directions to a man matching Hankel's description. He's headed for a hunting lodge."

Morgan nodded to Prentiss. "We'll check it out."

-

Your head was pounding. A vile scent reached your nose, causing your eyes to flicker open. You flinched at the closeness of the man in front of you.

"Tobias..." The name slipped out in a whisper.

"They're not here. It's just me now." He stated, calmer than you would've expected.

"Who are you?" You asked, trying to portray a fake sense of calm.

"I'm Rafael." He pulled out a revolver, adding a single bullet to the six chambers.

"No. You don't have to do this." Your heart ached, fear gripping your body as he aimed the gun at you.

"It is my duty to enact God's will." He said, right before pulling the trigger.

-

Hotch pulled back into the driveway, leading Garcia into the house.

"His computer setup is in there. If there's even a hint of where they might've gone, I need you to find it." Hotch gestured to the back room.

Penelope nodded. Carrying her own computer bags, she followed Derek into the depths of the house.

"What've we got?" Hotch questioned those remaining around the table.

"He knew he could throw us off, pretend to be looking for a hunting lodge." Emily spoke quickly.

"We've got piles of information, journals, notebooks. We're still sifting through it all." JJ added, shirt still bloody from yesterday.

Just then, Reid rushed in from another room. "The walls in the bedroom, they are covered in the latin phrase 'honora patrem tuum', honor thy father."

"Garcia, look for anything you can find about his father." Hotch gave out orders, but his focus was elsewhere. What was happening to you?

"Over here!" Morgan called from outside.

The team ran around the house to see Morgan opening a cellar door. Nodding slightly, Hotch and Morgan made there way inside.

"Tobias Hankel, FBI." Morgan shouted, receiving no answer.

They quickly found the dead body of none other than Hankel's father. Even the new information did little to calm the worry brewing inside of Hotch.

-

"Confess your sins." He ordered.

"My sins? I don't have any sins." You did your best to hold back the tears, trying to figure out who you were talking to.

"Everyone has sins. Confess, and you will be forgiven." He stared you down, waiting for a response.

You simply shook your head, mouth slightly agape. The smell was getting to you. You couldn't think straight with the pain in your head.

"I- I don't know what-"

"YES YOU DO. CONFESS." He hit you, whipping your head to the left.

-

"Hotch, he took drugs to escape. Dilaudid cut with a psychedelic." Emily relayed the information her and JJ got from Tobias's sponsor.

"We've got something too. The dates in his journals don't add up. He was talking about his father as if he was alive months after he killed him."

"His father beat him, preached about sin." Emily replied, putting the pieces together alongside Hotch.

"Split personality. Profile the father. He could be the key to finding Y/N." Even just saying your name he felt his heart clench.

-

"Who are you?" You questioned him as soon as he walked through the door, trying to figure out who you were dealing with this time.

"Tobias." He moved about the cabin almost nervously.

"Who was here before?" You knew Rafael, but the other personality was a mystery.

"My father." Definitely the most violent. He was who you had to look out for. "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

Tobias looked over you newly forming bruises before pulling off his belt.

"No. No what are you doing?" You felt your heart rate increase as he wrapped the belt around your arm. You could barely register the words he was saying, something about escaping from the pain.

"Please. I don't want it. I'm fine." You begged, tears brimming your eyes. He ignored your pleas, injecting the drug into your bloodstream.

Despite how much you hated it, you felt the relief he was talking about. The pain was gone, even if just briefly. You thought about your time spent with Hotch. It didn't feel like long enough. You wanted more. You had so much you wanted to do with him.

"Aaron..." You mumbled his name between kisses. "They could see us." You did little to stop him, despite your words.

"We should tell them." He whispered against your mouth, holding you close. "They would be happy for us."

You sighed blissfully, forehead pressed against his. "Really? You know they've got a pool going to see when we'd finally get together. Who do you think had money on 4 months ago?" You laughed into his neck, pulling him closer.

"My bet's on Rossi. He knows us both too well." Aaron smiled, a full genuine smile.

"You're probably right, but just to make it interesting, I'm betting Reid. He's too observant not to have noticed." You squinted at the window, knowing Reid was staring at the closed blinds on the other side.

That earned a laugh, one you could feel in his chest pressed tightly to your own.

"I love you." He kissed your head, content to hold you for a little while longer.

"I love you too." You leaned ever farther into him. "We can tell them when we get back from this next case."

"Deal."

-

"Get in here!" Reid called from the computer room, pointing to a screen where you were being broadcast. You were handcuffed and tied to a chair, clearly beaten.

"Pick one to die." The voice of Tobias could be heard, despite him not being visible on the screen.

You shook your head, staring into the camera. You wanted to plead for Hotch to save you, but you knew it wouldn't be fair. He didn't need that on his conscience.

"Choose one, and I will free another."

You shook your head again, trying to think of a clue you could give the team. "I won't let you hunt them like a poacher."

"Now. Or I will kill them all." He threatened, lifting you from the ground.

"I'll pick who lives." You stuttered, breaths coming fast and short. "The right screen."

You were forced to watch as he turned off the camera, leaving the screens to show the heinous murders he was about to commit.

Suddenly, Rossi was talking to you through the screen. The sight of him nearly brought you to tears.

"Y/N. This isn't your fault. None of it. You can't blame yourself. We will find you, but I need you to be there when we do."

You knew exactly what he meant. You were already blaming yourself, despite Rossi's father like relationship with you, it was hard to believe him.

It did give you the strength to remember the team though. You needed to see them, all of them, again.

-

"He's back!" Morgan called everyone in to view the screens again.

"Confess your sins." They watched as he beat you.

You cried. You begged him to stop. You begged Tobias for help, but nothing worked.

Hotch felt his heart break even more with every word.

Suddenly, you were on the ground, still tied to the chair. You were seizing, Charles Hankel watching as it happened.

The screen went dark, causing Hotch to punch the desk.

"Dammit." He shouted. He didn't care if his worry was beginning to poke through the surface. He needed to find you and he needed to do it now.

"The timestamp." Emily's voice drew him out of his head. "There's only a few minutes between the time of death and when it was posted. He's got to be close to the crime scene."

Finally. Something that felt like progress.

-

They watched the screen as you appeared again.

"Choose one to die." It was Rafael this time.

"I can't. I can't do it." Your face betrayed every emotion you were feeling inside.

"Pick one." He stated again.

"Me. Kill me." You nearly begged.

"You said you weren't one of them. Your team has 7 other members. Choose one of them to die."

You shook your head, fear gripping you once again as he pulled out the revolver.

"Choose." He connected the gone to your forehead, resting it there.

"No." He pulled the trigger, watching as you flinched.

"Choose." You shook your head, tensing as he pulled the trigger again.

Hotch felt his heart in his stomach, internally begging you to just say a name. He couldn't watch you die, not like this.

"Choose." He pulled the trigger yet again at your silence.

"I won't do it." You held firm, knowing you had limited chances.

"Choose one to die."

You opened your mouth, panting as an idea came to you.

"I choose... Aaron Hotchner." Your heart ached even saying it, but you needed to give him a clue. "He's a classic narcissist. Thinks he's better than everyone. He'd go to his grave knowing he was wrong." You winced internally, trying not to give away your plan.

Hotch left the room, trying to understand your words. The two of you had just argued about the definition of classic narcissism.

"I think you're wrong." You laughed at his amused expression.

"Yeah? Or do you just like making me exasperated?" He questioned your motives, pulling you closer as you laid in bed together.

"Maybe a little bit of both." You shrugged, leaning up to kiss him. "Promise me something?" You asked, a nervous expression on your face.

"What?" He looked at you with so much concern, you felt your heart beat a little faster.

"If... If I die, you can't blame yourself." He opened his mouth to protest, but you kept going. "I know you Aaron. You'd take it to grave thinking it was your fault. I can't let you do that. Not when I know you blame yourself for Haley's death." You felt your heart break for him and the pain he had been through. "Promise me." You were nearly begging.

"I promise." He whispered, his throat tight at the idea of losing you.

He was brought back to the present by the sound of Rossi's voice.

"Hotch, you know Y/N didn't mean any of that." Rossi tried gently, unsure of how Hotch was coping with your situation.

"I'm not a narcissist. What's my worst quality?" He looked at the apprehensive looks everyone was giving him. "I'll start, I have no sense of humor."

He nodded along as his team listed his faults.

"None of you said I ever put myself above the team, because I don't. Y/N and I just argued about the definition of classic narcissism." He paced, trying to put it together. "I'd take it to my grave... Grave was a hint."

"What? How do you know?" Reid shook his head, trying to understand the logic.

"I made a promise. It's a long story." He shook his head, trying to clear the memory so he could focus. "Y/N knew I would remember it."

"A cemetary. It's got to be a cemetary." Morgan added.

"No cemeteries on the map." Garcia was typing away on the computer.

"Like a poacher." Reid whispered, staring at the screen.

"Reid?" Hotch looked at him, eyes pleading for an answer.

"That's what Y/N said in the first video. 'I won't let you hunt them like a poacher.'" He said it louder, more excited than before.

"Garcia, any reports of poaching in the area?" Hotch asked, the idea of finding you causing hope to erupt in his chest.

"Yes, at Marshall Parrish... and there's a cemetery on the grounds." She gave them the address, watching as they ran out to the SUVs.

-

"I'm sorry." Tobias said it so softly, you were almost certain you didn't hear it at all.

"Wh- why?" Your eyebrows pulled together in confusion, trying to make sense of it.

"He'll win. In the end, he always does." He rose from the crouched position, slowly injecting you with more drugs.

"Hotch!" You screamed, feeling arms restraining you from behind.

You watched as he went into the hostage situation, unarmed and without a vest.

"Derek. Let me go!" You struggled in his grasp, straining to get free.

"There's nothing you can do, he's already inside." He stated the truth, although it did little to calm your nerves.

You settled down, throat tight with worry. You bit your lip, eyes flitting between the door and windows. You just needed a sign, anything to say he was alright.

The sound of a gun firing stunned you. You were frozen in place, fear consuming you. You had just told him you loved him for the first time this morning. What if you never get to say it again? What if that's all the time you got.

You stared in horror as everyone ran toward the house, only to freeze when a voice shouted everything was fine.

"It's fine." He huffed, carrying the small child out of the house toward a waiting EMT. "Baxter is dead."

"Aaron..." You whispered the name, realizing how powerless you felt when he was in danger. The two of you made eye contact across the yard, a reassuring look in his eye.

"Aaron..." You whispered, blinking rapidly as you slowly came to.

"What about Aaron." Charles. Tobias's dad was back.

"I couldn't stop him. I couldn't keep him safe." You muttered to yourself, not fully understanding the situation.

"Is that a confession?" He asked, voice hard.

"Yes." It was more of a breath of air than a word, but it was all he needed to condemn you.

He unlocked your handcuffs, forcing a shovel into your newly freed arms before dragging you outside.

"Dig." he instructed plainly, watching over you as stray tears wet the ground beneath you.

-

"Clear." Morgan called from one side of the shed.

"Clear" Hotch replied from the other. With the whole team in the small space, it wasn't exactly necessary but it was habit.

Hotch could feel his nerves picking up again as he realized this meant you were still with Tobias. He paced back and forth, feeling powerless.

"Spread out. They have to be on foot." He left without waiting for a response, turning left with JJ to look for you.

-

You did your best to stall, but Charles wasn't the most patient.

"Dig faster."

"I'm trying. I'm trying." You whimpered, movements speeding up ever so slightly. The massive knife in his hands causing your own to shake.

"You're weak. Move." He huffed, throwing his jacket to the ground before ripping the shovel from your hands.

A flash of light in the trees caught your eye. Flashlights. Your team. Aaron.

Your eyes flickered between the man in front of you and the trees, causing him to turn.

You took the split second he wasn't looking to grab the gun from his jacket, swiftly aiming it as he turned back to you knife raised.

"Only one bullet in that gun." He lunged for you, falling backwards after you pulled the trigger.

You dropped the gun, quickly tossing the knife away.

"Tobias?" You cried, moving back toward him.

"You killed me." He seemed surprised, but grateful at the same time.

You felt the tears pouring down your face as you apologized.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry." You grabbed his hand, watching the light fade from his eyes as he asked one final question.

"You think I'll get to see my mom again?"

You barely registered the arms around you, pulling you to your feet. You couldn't take your eyes off of Tobias. He wasn't the one who hurt you. He helped you, or at least tried.

"I killed him." Your breathing picked up, vision blurring.

"Y/N, look at me." You turned to the voice, blinking rapidly to stop the tears.

"Aaron?" You took a stuttering breath, trying to make sure this was real.

"I'm here. It's okay. You're okay. You're safe now." His words were just as reassuring to himself as they were to you. You caught JJ's eye over Hotch's shoulder, quickly moving to hug her.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I never should've-" You cut her off.

"None of this was your fault. It was my idea to split up. I'm so sorry." You cried into her shoulder, knowing how guilty she must've felt.

She hugged you back, tears brimming her own eyes at seeing you alive again.

She lead you to the EMT, not commenting on the look you threw over your shoulder at Aaron. He quickly followed you to the ambulance. JJ left you to talk to Hotch, who stayed beside you the entire time the medics looked you over.

"I didn't mean it." You said when you were finally alone, sitting between the open doors of the ambulance.

"What?" Aaron questioned, his mind not following your own train of thought.

"When... When I had to choose. I didn't mean any of it." You could feel the tears coming, but this time you did nothing to hold them back.

"I know. I knew the whole time." You brushed your tears away, looking you in the eye. "I love you so much." He whispered, his own eyes feeling watery.

"I love you too." You leaned into him, relishing in the feeling of his arm around you. You couldn't help but look over at the team, all of whom quickly pretended not to be watching. You huffed a laugh.

"Yeah, I think they're going to have some questions." Hotch smiled, glad to see you happy even if just for a second.

"After this case, right?" You looked back at him, confirming you still wanted to share your relationship with the team.

"Deal." He smiled, arm tightening around your shoulders to pull you closer.

-

You couldn't help but bring it up on the jet ride home.

"So, who had money on four months ago?" You questioned, tucked into Aaron's side on the couch.

"What?" Emily raised a brow at your sudden statement.

"That's when we started dating." You grinned at her shocked expression.

"Dammit Reid." Morgan huffed, handing over the money.

"Don't forget Rossi!" Reid high fived the older man, the two grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

"Looks like we were both right." Hotch smiled into your hair, trying to hide his laugh.

"Yeah. We make a pretty good team." You smiled, leaning into his touch.

"I love you." He murmured, face still in your hair. You turned your face into his chest before responding.

"I love you too."

Permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman @madewithsebstan

[iamanartichoke]

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this, but I may as well.

I keep starting to reply to things and then stopping bc the words just aren't there, and I suppose I figured out the core of what bothers me so much (and is making me have such a rollercoaster of a fan experience) about the show.

(cut for length)

It's not well-written. My opinion is my opinion, so I'm saying this subjectively, take it or leave it, but ... I feel that it's not well-written. The overall story is fine, and the plot is fine, but I don't know if it's because of the limited number of episodes not being enough to house the story, or because of the relative inexperience of the writer/showrunner+director, or both, or something else, but -

In an earlier reaction post to episode 4, I mentioned really wanting to sink my teeth into all of the subtext I picked up on. That was what made me initially enjoy the episode so much - there were a lot of little moments that I initially felt revealed so much about the characters and about Loki, and I wanted to analyze them. But at some point, as I gathered more information, my perspective changed and now I no longer want to analyze the subtext bc ... subtext = good. Subtext w/out payoff = not as good.

I'll go into more detail in a moment, but I think the tl;dr of it is that I feel like the narrative requires the audience to work way too hard to put together all of the moving pieces here and, like, I kinda just don't want to do that work? Not so much of it, and not in vain. A lot of the enjoyment of Loki's characterization is coming from fans who are rationalizing why he's behaving as he is, but the narrative never actually confirms those rationalizations. It's asking us to figure it out and maybe our conclusions will be correct but maybe they won't, though. At some point, subtext isn't enough without explicit follow-through.

I thought my issue was with the lack of character development - that is, not having enough narrative space to really earn the big things that are happening now, like Loki/Sylvie or Mobius turning against the TVA. And that's still true, to an extent; I still feel like the pacing is all very off and it seems like most of these things kinda came out of nowhere (but are not unbelievable - just undeveloped).

But, yknow, it is what it is, it's a limited series, and I can excuse some things. Ultimately, my issue isn't a problem with what the narrative isn't doing, it's a problem with what the narrative already failed to do and probably cannot recover from at this point.

The narrative has left out significant details that should at least help us do some of the work here. If a person turned on Loki and started episode 1 and had no background knowledge of the character besides that he tried to take over New York - how would that person interpret Loki? Would that person say, oh, well, he's been through X, Y, and Z, and plus A happened, not to mention B, C, and D, so really, it makes sense that he seems off-the-rails, or that he'd want to get ridiculously drunk at the worst time ever.

Maybe we'd like to believe they would, but how would they be getting to that conclusion? The narrative hasn't led them in that direction so, no, they would not say well we have to consider this, this, and that. It would be impossible to really understand Loki as a character from just what we've gotten in the series. The general audience would probably interpret Loki as being out of his element and so it becomes, I wonder how this character is going to get the upper hand here. And, while that's not wrong, it's just so limited.

The narrative at face value does not address Loki's identity crisis from Thor 2011. It does not address his hurt and devastation at being lied to, nor does it address how complicated his self-image is (bc it sucked to begin with and that was before he found out he was part of a race of "monsters," as he'd been taught his entire life). It does not reference Loki being so broken at the end of Thor 2011 that he deliberately let himself fall into the void of space (aka tried to kill himself). It does not reference that he was tortured by Thanos or even that he went through a seriously dark time in between Thor and Avengers, and it absolutely does not reference or address any influence or control of the mind stone.

These are all things that we, the fan audience, know because we've already invested our time into this character's story. But tons of people, the general audience, wouldn't know these things. Or if they did, bc they saw Thor and Avengers, they wouldn't be thinking about them as deeply as we would, nor contextualizing them with how Loki is behaving now, or why it would make sense that he needed to get drunk, or why it's understandable that he needs to keep going-going-going in order to not have a spare second to think or feel.

They'd probably look at Loki, again, as a character who was a villain and is now getting his comeuppance in a place where he has no power or control, and no literal powers, and even when he manages to escape and catch up to the variant, he proceeds to fuck up their plan for seemingly no real reason except that he wanted to get drunk bc he's hedonistic. Which Sylvie even berates him for! I mean. This is not exactly a complex character breakdown, nor a very flattering one, but that's what the narrative has given us.

(If the narrative has addressed Loki's mind control, his torture, his mental breakdown, his suicide attempt, and his general shitty self-esteem as a result of his upbringing, please point it out to me. If the narrative has explicitly acknowledged and referenced these things anywhere and I am missing it, please show me where. Please explain to me how the casual viewer would know any of these things that they need to know in order to actually understand what's happening in this story.)

So I mean, okay, we have a narrative that doesn't paint a full, accurate picture of Loki. Fine, sure. But because the general audience starts out on the wrong footing, they're not going to get out of the overall story what the writers probably intended them to. For example, in episode 3, a lot of us theorized that Loki had some kind of plan - that he broke the timepad on purpose, for some reason, bc otherwise it wasn't believable that he'd be such a failure. But episode 4 revealed that no, there was no bigger plan, Loki just plain old messed up. Which is fine if, again, one is only considering the surface-level portrayal here, but it's not true to Loki's actual characterization.

I mean. Loki is not perfect and Loki actually fails a lot, this is true. He fails for a lot of reasons, but incompetence has never been one of them. Usually it's that either things grew beyond his control, or there ended up being too many moving parts, or he had to change his plan at the last minute due to some roadblock or another being thrown his way, or even that he got in his own way - whatever the case may be for his plans' failures, he was always at least shown to know what he was doing.

That wasn't the case here. The "plan" to fix the Timepad failed as a direct result of Loki's actions, which were careless and made him seem incompetent, like he couldn't even handle this mission. "You had one job," etc. And there were pretty big consequences for this; they were not able to get off-world in time and would have been killed had the TVA not shown up at the last second.

And maybe none of these things matter bc the writers never intended any of this to be a reflection on Loki's character, positive or negative. The situation exists solely because the writers needed to put Loki and Sylvie together in some kind of hopeless scenario so that they could get closer, and thus the narrative could set up their romance. I get that - but, there were other ways to do it that didn't require Loki to look foolish.

Furthermore, the whole reason they needed to set up the romance is to show Loki eventually learning to love himself (like, figuratively but also literally). The audience is supposed to gather that Loki and Sylvie fell for one another, possibly due to the high emotional aspect of, yknow, being about to die (in addition to the variant-bond). The intent is clear: Loki and Sylvie almost die but get rescued at the last minute, having now created an emotional bond --> Loki and Sylvie team up and the narrative further establishes that Loki, at least, has caught feelings --> Loki might confess them but is pruned before he gets the chance --> he somehow survives, he and Sylvie are reunited and don't want to lose one another again, and the combined power of their love is enough to break the sacred timeline and spawn the multiverse, and the reason that the power of their love is so, well, powerful is because it's about self-love and self-acceptance as much as it is about having the capacity to love someone else. The end.

I get all that. The writers more or less said all that. And, I mean, it's certainly not the way I would have chosen to go about it, but it's a fair enough arc to explore. I don't really have an issue with the intent - but my question, however, is this: if the narrative has so far not addressed Loki's background issues (as outlined above), and has furthermore kinda gone out of its way to portray Loki as hedonistic and narcissistic, among other things (like kinda incompetent), and the context the audience starts with is that Loki's this villain who deserves what he gets -

- my question is 1, why should the audience care whether or not Loki gets to a point of loving and accepting himself (thus to make the theme of self-love, via the romance, hold weight) if they don't know that he hates himself to begin with and 2, why should the audience root for Loki to reach that point when so far the perception of him is that he's "kind of an asshole"? if he's a hedonistic narcissist, he probably already has a pretty inflated sense of himself, right? A misplaced inflated sense of himself, at that, because, again, the narrative has made him out to be not that capable of much of anything. (And it didn't start out that way! It seemed to start out with Loki being capable and intelligent but it's like episode 3, in trying to set up the romance, just jumbled it all up somewhere. I think this is why I'm harping on the Loki/Sylvie aspect so much - it's frustrating bc it kinda messes up the whole story and can't even accomplish what it's supposed to anyway.)

Anyway, that's beside the point. What I'm ultimately getting at is, at what point is the audience supposed to get invested in Loki's personal growth journey?

They can't, not really. Without understanding and having the context of everything Loki has been through up until now, and why he hates himself, and why it's so important that he learn to love himself, then the "payoff" becomes kinda pointless bc the significance of it is lost in translation. So suddenly we're left with this romance that comes off as either "Loki loves Sylvie bc of Reasons" (best-case scenario) or "Loki loves Sylvie bc he's vain, narcissistic, and kinda twisted" (worst-case scenario). Neither of these conclusions are what the writers intended or were going for, I'm positive, but there we are, regardless.

In order for the writers' intent in these storylines to land, they need to address the context of what makes these particular stakes high for Loki. So far, they haven't done that. They're asking the audience to pick up on all of these things, and they're showing things that subtextually make sense and are relatively in-character - but only if you realize there's subtext in the first place.

But you can't expect the audience to do all of the work for you. If you don't want the audience to think that Loki is a narcissistic asshole and instead you are trying to convey that, worst-case scenario, he thinks he's a narcissist but is an unreliable narrator, then you have to address that. If you need the audience to understand why you're going the selfcest route and why it's important to explore Loki's capacity to love himself and others, you have to address where that exploration is starting from and why it matters. Etc etc etc.

The narrative isn't doing any of that. And it isn't like it'd be that hard to do it. They don't need to reinvent the wheel here; a lot of the pieces are already there. A few lines of dialogue for context, a brief scene here or there addressing the issues, a little more care and consistency in how Loki handles things - these are all little things that could go a long fucking way in making the narrative stronger.

I'm rambling. My basic point is that my rollercoaster of emotions with this show is because

- as a part of the fan audience, not the general one, I can contextualize and analyze the subtext and come to the conclusions the show wants me to, and thus find the story and the characters more or less enjoyable,

- but I am also going to be using the subtext to come to conclusions that aren't there but probably should be (I think it would be a better story, for example, for Loki to confuse platonic love with romantic love bc it would pave the way to explore just how fucked up Loki's understanding of love - whether of other people or of himself, and the different forms it can take - actually is)

- and when they're ultimately not there, then I think, okay why am I bothering doing all this work just to ultimately feel very unfulfilled? They don't even have to write it the way I would, I'm not saying that, but they do have to do something to make the story feel rewarding.

If we don't get some confirmation of what Loki's been through, and where his headspace is, and why it matters for him to love himself, then the story remains pretty shallow and, for me, it's not fulfilling enough. It's not engaging enough. There isn't actually anything to sink my teeth into, so it becomes kind of boring. Maybe it's rewarding to other people, and that's great for them, but like - I need more than whatever this is.

So I'm just like - well, I had a lot of worries about this show, but my being bored wasn't one of them and now there's only two episodes left and am I really not going to get anything out of this, in the long run? No new canons, no new depths or layers, no new information on Loki's experiences? This is it?

I don't dislike it. I didn't start out disliking it, and I probably wont end up disliking it. I mean, there are a lot of good moments, and good things, and fan service-y things that I appreciate. As far as inspiration for fic goes, it's a goldmine, both plot-wise as well as aesthetic-wise. All of that is great. I don't dislike this show.

But I am disappointed in it, and I feel like I'll be watching the next two episodes lacking the sense of anticipation that would make it exciting. I'll still enjoy them, probably, if for nothing else just the sheer Loki content, but whatever it was I felt watching episodes 1 and 2 is gone and I'm sad about that, too. Because I really wanted to feel fulfilled by this series; I wanted it to fill up the void that Loki's death in IW created three years ago. And I just ... don't feel it. Maybe, maybe that'll change over the course of episodes 5 and 6. I don't know.

Everything that I end up enjoying long-term, I think, will come about as a result of my own interpretations and analysis and while theoretically there's nothing wrong with that, if I had known all I'd get out of this series was more headcanons or support for my current headcanons then, well - that's fine, I suppose, but I'll definitely a little bit robbed.

[leejungchans]

— juliet on kingdom (episode 7).

juliet’s masterlist

from may 13’s episode

note: read the tweets from the bottom up 💕 keep in mind that this contains spoilers in case you want to watch the episode first :3 more under the cut bc this gets LONG ahjdhwjd 😔

— juliet’s outfit;

disclaimer: the blurring of faces in my outfit collages is in no way meant as a form of disrespect, the sole purpose is to put the focus on the hairstyle and there is absolutely no ill intent. thank you for understanding!!

so everyone really kinda freaked out last episode

bc they didn’t see juliet in the previews for the unit stages

she wasn’t with jongho, eunkwang and seungmin

nor was she with 3racha and joong

so that would leave the performance unit right??

atinys were desperately zooming into screenshots of the performance unit stage for any sign of our girl

and found nothing :(

even in the preview that came after the first one, she was nowhere to be seen 😔

eventually some people started theorising if it was bc mnet didn’t let her participate for whatever reason

and the truth is...drumroll please 🥁

SURPRISE

the boys sent her to be in the rap unit with joong 😋😋

mnet just didn’t show her scenes in the first two previews (like they did with minhyuk)

but she was in the previews where they went to jyp 🥺🥺

she was paired up with jisung for the 120-second interview :3

just two shy besties uwu

“why? why are you laughing?” jisung whines, “and right after you looked at my face too!”

juliet continues to laugh, hiding the lower half of her face behind her hands. “sorry, sorry, i’m not laughing at you, i promise!” she says between giggles, “i just didn’t expect us to be so nervous.”

“ah, i get shy around new people, more than what people would expect. so that’s kinda why i’m a bit awkward right now.”

“i’m like that too, but i thought we became closer friends during the sports day filming! i’m hurt!” she says, placing a hand over her heart.

“no, no, no!” jisung defends, waving his hands frantically, “we did! i’m still shy, i guess.”

“not shy, not me!” juliet sings in response, doing the hand movement in the choreography of itzy’s song.

stunned into silence by the sudden reference of his label-mates, jisung blinks at her owlishly before a loud ‘pft’ sound emits from both of them, and they dissolve into giggles once more.

“okay, okay,” she says, sobering up a little after a few seconds. “we need to do this seriously. no more being awkward! awkward is just a mindset.”

jisung’s eyes widen. “woah, you’re right. we won’t feel awkward if we just tell ourselves that we’re being cool.”

she nods approvingly. “exactly. we are cool.”

“okay then, let’s go!” he shouts enthusiastically, earning muffled snickers from the other members who are sitting off-screen.

juliet and jisung go quiet again from his outburst. she even tried to bite the inside of her cheek to stifle any laughter, but her efforts are futile as they both promptly collapse to the ground in a fit of giggles.

“i-i don’t think we can do this,” juliet wheezes to the cameras, clutching her stomach as tears gather in the corners of her eyes. beside her, jisung isn’t faring any better as he attempts to catch his breath.

off-screen, changbin playfully complains, “yah! what are you two doing? you’re supposed to be doing an interview!”

when she entered the jyp café with joong and minhyuk 3racha was like omg hiiiiiii

no one was happier than chan to see her 🥺

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE OI OI OI

3racha made her, joong and minhyuk sing their orders 💀💀

minhyuk: juliet your ears are so red lmao

juliet: [quickly untucks her hair so it covers her ears] do i really have to do this? 😭😭

chan: yes you do bestie 🤩

“[sighs] americanoooo~ joha joha~”

hongjoong: [cringes but also uwu bc she’s his baby]

3racha: kqjejwjdnsj awwww

minhyuk: ohhhhh~ cuteeee

smh juliet stop (unintentionally) collecting men 😔

okay but changbin treated them all with his jyp artist points 🥺🥺🥺 changbin best boy

juliet, to chan: i’ll come next time to use up your points 😼

minhyuk: me too!! juliet let’s go together!!!

yeah she malfunctioned for a second bc The™️ lee minhyuk just said that and he was her celebrity crush for the longest time pls

she is the most successful melody 😔

she was so excited when they all went to chan’s studio

“ohhhHhh so this is the famous chan’s room 😼 honoured to be here mate”

pls they named themselves 6racha and were literally just having a blast in the studio 😭😭😭

minhyuk: your voice sounds so different when you rap!!

juliet: really? 😅😅 i didn’t really notice

minhyuk: yeah it’s cool :]

okay but when they went to jypbob for lunch

she was so amazed by all the food

“😮😮😮 THIS ALL LOOKS SO GOOD WTF”

the Jeekies™️ making their debut on national tv

yes both jisung’s and juliet’s 🥰🥰

she was so shy when the others in mayfly came to watch rap unit’s rehearsal 😭😭😭

also everyone in the mayfly vocal and dance units went ❓❓❓ where is juliet????? shouldn’t she be here??????

felix: where’s my bestie :(

no lixliet for the unit stages 💔

wooyoung/jongho: oh she’s in the rap unit :D

“WDYM SHE’S IN THE RAP UNIT??????”

okay but as much of a power move this is, she was also so so so nervous

like, the most nervous she’s ever been on kingdom

bc she’s going to be performing with so many incredible rappers, juliet knows that she really has to give it her all to keep up with them

so she was Big Stressed™️ and not in a fun way

it was more of a “oh god what if i’m way too far behind and the difference in skill is so obvious that i cost our groups points????” way

but in true queen fashion, she definitely killed it during rehearsals and everyone in the unit reassured her that she had nothing to worry about 🥺🥺

move over round 2 juliet bc if you thought that was the last we’d see of rapper juliet, you have a big storm coming 😼😼

she rapped with hongjoong before he joined changbin, then rejoined the performance to rap with chan!!

aussie line stans are well fed ✨✨

girlie was collecting everyone in the audience 😼

pls but ateez was so proud of her bc they knew how stressed she was about this performance 😭😭😭

she was so relieved when mayfly won that she teared up before being pulled into the group hug :(((

“i’m so relieved by the results,” juliet says to the cameras during their backstage interview, the other members in the rap unit nodding in agreement. “we all had a lot of fun preparing for this performance, and i’m just really proud of us.”

“wait,” minhyuk says, tone laced with concern, “are you tearing up? why? we did well!”

hongjoong, sitting in the back row, reaches forward to pat juliet on the shoulder comfortingly as she goes silent to suppress the tears. “she was really stressed preparing for this performance, so she’s a bit overwhelmed right now,” he explains for her.

juliet inhales deeply before saying, “because our unit has so many great rappers, i felt burdened because i was scared that my rapping wouldn’t be up to par with everyone else’s. but everyone was so encouraging and kind, and it really helped me push through the pressure, so i’m very thankful.”

“ey, you did so well,” jisung says enthusiastically. “we never worried about your performance!”

now that their rap unit finished performing she could sit back and enjoy the other performances!!

she was mesmerised by it’s one’s dance unit bc their performance was so beautiful

she said :OOOOOO

then came mayfly’s dance unit!!!!

“MAYFLY LET’S GOOOOOOOO”

pls she was their biggest hypewoman 😭😭😭😭

literally screamed during san and felix’s part

then when wooyoung and felix did the stunt????

she lost her SHIT

the way mnet cut from chan’s worried “felix?” to juliet’s “FELIXXXXXX :D” 😭

“YEAHHHHHHHHH MAYFLYYYYY!!!!”

pls she was so so proud 😭😭😭😭😭😭

in conclusion mayfly are besties now ❤️❤️

— fan reactions;

a/n: hello is everyone okay because I AM NOT 💔💔 all the stages from today were so so good and i’m so proud of all the units 🤧🤧💗 i NEED the studio versions of all the songs from today <//3 (and from round 2 too 😭) also lemme know if you’d like to see the full version of jisung and juliet’s 120 sec interview!! 😋 (though i’m prolly gonna write it anyways whdjwhs) your feedback and support means a lot to me so tysm!! 🥺❤️

[hangovercurse]

Stay With You

You get the call after Rook’s accident and go to the hospital to take care of him.

Requests: “ Could you maybe write another Rook story about where you get the call after his accident that he’s in the hospital and just always staying there with him and when his dad shows up he sees you leaning on the bed sleeping holding Rooks hand or something and he knows you’ll take care of him? I just really love Rook “ “ I was wondering if you know what happened to rook and if you could write something cute like taking care of him after being worried at first about him. I had a mental breakdown when we got the news I'm hoping he gets well soon “

JP “Rook” Cappelletty X Reader

Warnings: Cursing, mentions of the accident (violence, broken bones, etc.), angst

A/N: I have been following every update from Rook and his Dad bc I have been so worried. It looks like he’s finally able to go home tonight but I’m still going out of my mind. I tried my best to do what happened justice (without being too depressing) and ended up needing a part 2. I had to reread what happened like 30 times so y’all better enjoy this just for my heartbreak alone. 

Word Count: 3409

part ii

You were always scared when you got a phone call from an unknown number when Rook was out for the night. You’d gotten calls from the police station and hospital more than once, so you’d learn to expect trouble when your phone rang.

But this was not what you were expecting.

“Excuse me, is this Y/N Y/L/N, the emergency contact for JP Cappelletty?” A female’s voice rang out through the line. You rolled your eyes.

“This is her, what did he do this time?” You smiled, figuring he’d gotten hurt doing something stupid and just needed stiches.

She cleared her throat, “Mr. Cappelletty has been involved in a serious accident. He’s currently at Southern California Hospital awaiting treatment.”

You felt like your entire body stopped working. Your throat closed up and you started shaking. A normal phone call wouldn’t use the words “serious accident,” they would just say he’d been admitted for “minor treatment.”

“Can I come see him?” You barely got the words out, mind spinning in a million directions. The lady on the end of the phone gave you an affirmation and you thanked her, hanging up quickly and packing a small bag for you and Rook. You threw some of his clothes in, some hygiene supplies for you both, and anything else you could think he’d want. You texted your boss a quick explanation and asked for the next few days off before grabbing your keys, wallet, mask, and Rook’s insurance cards, and heading out the door.

You drove to the hospital, calling Colson on your way, on speaker, of course. “Whaddup?”

“Rook is in the hospital.” You rushed out, still in a bit of a panicked mode.

You could hear his breathing pause before he continued, “it’s probably nothing, you know Rook. He probably just punched a guy or something stupid.”

You had tried to convince yourself of that, but something felt wrong about it. “I know, but the hospital said he was in a serious accident.” You emphasized the word “serious.” “Maybe I’m overreacting but I have this really bad feeling right now.”

Colson’s voice held more worry after your statement, too. “Okay. Just get there and figure out what’s going on and then call me. What hospital is he at?”

“Southern California.”

“That’s like 10 minutes away from me. If it is serious, just call me back and I can be there.” His voice was much calmer than yours, which you were thankful for.”

“Okay.”

“And Y/N,” He paused, “try to stay calm. If it is bad, he’s gonna need you to take care of him.”

You took in a deep breath, trying to slow your heartrate. “Yeah, yeah okay. Thanks.”

“Let me know what’s going on.”

“I will. Thank you, Kells.” You hung up the phone, pulling into the hospital parking garage and turning your car off. You sat in the dark for a few moments, gathering your thoughts, before heading towards the hospital. When you reached the front desk, you gave them Rook’s name and waited as they read your temperature from the touchless thermometer. You had to stop yourself from groaning as she started reading the Covid questionnaire, answering no to every question.

The lady gave you directions to his room, telling you they’ll take your ID once you get up to the fourth floor. Your hands were shaking as you rode the elevator up, and you tried to calm yourself down before you saw your boyfriend. Colson was right, you worrying wouldn’t do anything but make him nervous.

You gave your ID to the security guard on the fourth floor, impatiently waiting for him to print out your visitor’s sticker. Once you had put it on, you walked down the hallway, counting the room numbers to find his. Once you reached the door, you took a deep breath, unsure what you would find beyond it.

You opened it slowly, a sigh of relief when you saw him sitting on the bed, an ice pack pressed against his face. “Babe!” His face lit up when he saw you. He tried to lean forward on his own, but his grimace told you that it hurt him too much.

You smiled, setting the bag in your hands on the floor and adjusting the bed so he didn’t have to lean. “What happened?” You whispered, taking in his state, and pulling down your mask. He had a small bruise under his left eye and there were wires and tubes running up his left arm. His right arm was wrapped in layers of hospital bandage.

He frowned at you, left hand reaching for your hand and motioned you to sit down beside him, so you did, gently.  You wanted to hold his hand, but you were worried it would hurt him more, so you settled to rubbing his thigh gently. “I was walking around in the hills, and then these two guys came out of fucking nowhere. They jumped me and my friend and took a bunch of our shit. I punched one of them but the other one ran to his car and said he had a gun.” Your eyes went wide. “He didn’t have a gun, but he did have a car. And he literally came full speed at me and his partner.”

You tried to stay calm, but his recount of the night made you want to wrap him in bubble wrap and keep him in your house forever. “That sounds so scary, love.” You whispered, your free hand reaching out and stroking his right cheek. He leaned his head into your touch, a small smile on his face. “Did anyone see anything? Or does anyone know who they were?”

He shook his head lightly, “the guy in the car got away, but the other dude got hit too. Pretty sure he’s in this hospital. The cops came in and asked about it earlier, but I’d never seen those guys before.”

You nodded, leaning in, and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m very glad you’re okay.” You moved the ice pack from his face, observing the purple mark on his face. You may not know how to take care of broken bones, but you’d been with Rook through more than a few bruises and busted lips. You peppered kisses over the skin lightly, making him smile, which was the best thing you could do at the moment.

“The doctors are supposed to come back in soon. They did some X-Rays earlier to figure out exactly what’s broken, but my hand is definitely fucked up, and my legs.” He raised his right arm, showing you the cuts that ran along it. You frowned. “They said I’ll probably need surgery, which sucks.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” Your voice was soft. You reached your hand to move his braids out of his face, something you’d gotten in the habit of doing quite often.

He shrugged, “I’m fine with it, you’re the one who has to take care of me afterwards.” You smiled and shook your head teasingly.

“I do that anyways, loser.” You chuckled, before a thought popped into your head. “Should I call your dad? I told Colson but I didn’t think to call your dad.”

He shook his head lightly, “Once they told me they’d called you I texted him. He said he’d be here in an hour or so.” You nodded, moving to sit in the chair beside the hospital bed so you could be at eye level with your boyfriend instead of leaning down uncomfortably. “What did Kells say?”

You chuckled, “he said you’d probably just gotten in a fight or did something stupid.” Rook pouted dramatically. “I told him we’d let him know what was going on later and he could come to the hospital if you were up for it.”

He smiled at you as you leaned your head onto the bed, near his abdomen, and looked up at him. He reached to rest his hand on top of yours, even though you could tell it hurt him to do so. You sat in silence for a few moments until you heard a small knock on the door. “Come in.” Rook called, and you sat up, putting on your mask and turning to see who was coming in.

A woman in her early 40s walked in, followed by two younger men. “Hello again, Mr. Cappelletty. I’ve got the results from your scans.” She spoke as the other two placed X-Ray films onto a small lightboard in the room. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize you had company.” She said as she noticed you.

“Oh, it’s okay Dr. Tambi, this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” He smiled, looking towards you. You smiled kindly at the doctor. “She can stay, right?” He asked, his hand curling around yours lightly, you could feel the motion straining him and you flipped your hand around, holding his in yours lightly. You hoped it would hurt him less.

Dr. Tambi gave a nod and flashed you a smile, “of course.” She turned back to the films, pointing at the first one. “This is your left hand. If you look at this part right here, you can see where your second metacarpal fractured at the bottom near the carpal.” She raised her right hand, pointing to the bottom of her pointer finger near the knuckle. “So, we’re going to need to do a minor surgery to fix that up a little bit.” Rook nodded and you ran your hand up and down his arm gently. “Your right hand got off a bit easier,” she pointed to the next X-Ray. “No surgery, we’re gonna put it in a cast for a little while just in case but it might be off before you even leave the hospital.” You could feel him relax under your touch at that.

“But then your legs,” she pointed to the next images, “are a bit more complicated. I would imagine they took a brunt of the hit, correct?” She asked. He nodded again and you bit your lip, trying not to cringe at the image of your boyfriend being hit by a car. “The lower portion of your right tibia shattered into 3 pieces.” She pointed to the bone fragments in the X-ray, and this time a shiver physically went through your body. “So, we’ll need to do surgery to fix that up, too. And your left ankle has a hairline fracture that won’t need surgery, but you will have to stay off of it for a while.”

You looked at Rook, taking in the clench of his jaw. He was trying to look tough, but you could see through him, you always could. You knew he wouldn’t ask, so you did. “How long will they take to heal?”

He turned towards you, a soft smile on his face. You two worked so well because you balanced him out. Whenever he would almost get into a fight at a bar, you would be the rational one to pull him away. When you got too stressed out or uptight, he knew just how to get you to relax. When he was too nervous to think straight, you were there to ask all the right questions. You took care of each other, and you could read him like an open book.

“The left hand won’t need to stay in a cast for very long if the surgery goes well, but the left leg might be in a boot for 6 to 8 weeks, and the right leg will probably be a little bit longer, closer to 8 to 12 weeks.” Rook took in a deep breath, and the hand on his arm squeezed lightly, subtly telling him that you were there for him, and he would be okay. “Once we get the surgeries out of the way we can talk more about the treatment plan going forward, so try not to worry about it too much.” She smiled.

One of the men stepped forward, “I’m Dr. Stenson, I’ll be the anesthesiologist working with you.” Rook nodded towards the man, who continued to go over what Rook could and couldn’t do before the surgery. “How often do you drink or smoke?” He asked, and you let out a small chuckle.

Rook shoved you lightly, a small smile on his face. “Often.” He said, and you tried not to laugh.

“And what do you smoke?” He asked.

You mumbled under your breath, “what doesn’t he smoke is the better question.” Rook heard you, sending you a glare and you giggled quietly.

“Weed and cigarettes.” He said, trying to hide laughter as he watched you out of the corner of his eye. The man nodded and soon after the doctors left, leaving you and Rook alone again. “You’re so mean to me sometimes.” He pouted.

You laughed, “If it wasn’t so easy to make fun of you, I wouldn’t be so mean.”

“I got hit by a car, you have to be nice to me.” He whined and you rolled your eyes jokingly. “That’s a law.” He stated.

“Oh, is it?” You smiled, leaning forward, and pressing a kiss to his lips. “I guess I can be a little nice to you. For now.”

Rook’s expression turned serious, his eyes gazing into yours. “I’m kind of freaking out right now.” He whispered, his forehead resting against yours. “I’m not gonna be able to play for at least 8 weeks. What if I forget how to? Or what if they get into surgery and find out that it’s worse than they thought and I can never play again?”

You sighed, knowing these thoughts had been festering in him since the accident. You brought your hand up to his face, your thumb rubbing circles into his cheek. “Babe listen to me. You are the best drummer I know; you’ve been drumming for what, your entire life? You’re not gonna forget how to drum from 8 weeks off. And even if they get in there and find out its worse than they thought, which they won’t, we’ll figure it out. Everything is gonna be okay. They’ve seen worse fractures than these, trust me, they know what they’re doing.”

He nodded, letting out air through his nose. “But what if I could never drum again? I dropped out of high school. I’ve literally never done anything else except drum. I wouldn’t have money, I wouldn’t have friends because they would be touring all the time, I would lose everything.”

“You’d have me.” You whispered, “You would have me, and your dad, and all the people who really matter, even if they go on tour.”

“You would stay with me even if I was broke?” He sounded so small, so scared, and yet so amazed that you would even hint at the idea.

You frowned, confusion on your face. “I would stay with you if we were living on the streets and eating out of trash cans. But we wouldn’t be, because I also have a job and you’re going to be able to drum in no time.”

You simultaneously loved and hated this side of Rook. He never showed anyone how insecure he could be, and he was so insecure sometimes. You hated seeing him so sad. But you loved it, because you were one of the only people who did see it, because he trusted you enough to let you.

You guys had been friends for years and started dating 3 years ago after he kissed you, completely sober, in the studio while he thought the other guys were taking a break (they were really spying on you two the whole time). In those three years you’d come to know just about everything about each other. You trusted him with every piece of you, and he trusted you. You’d moved in together 2 years ago, and now everyone seemed to be waiting for a ring.

You didn’t mind waiting, you didn’t need to get married to know that Rook loved you or to know that you were going to spend the rest of your life with him. It was clear in the way you looked at each other that there would never be anyone else for either of you.

“I love you.” He mumbled, bringing a smile to your lips.

“I love you too.” You pressed another slow kiss to his soft lips. He closed his eyes as you did so, relaxing into it. You realized how tired he must be. “Why don’t you take a nap, J?” You whispered, and he mumbled a sound of protest, but you could already see him struggling against his sleepiness. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.” You ran your free hand over his forehead, his braids having fallen into his face again, before adjusting his bed so he was laying down more.

It only took you 15 minutes before you fell asleep, your head resting against his stomach and hand still in his.

A little while later, Johnny rushed in the room, worry on his face until he saw the two of you. He smiled, taking a quick picture that he would definitely be showing on your wedding day. You got a good one, son. He thought to himself, feeling a sense of his pride that JP had finally found someone as good as you who would put up with his shit.

He took the seat on the wall opposite of the hospital bed. You came to consciousness 20 minutes later, finding the older man and smiling. “Hi Mr. Cappelletty.” You whispered, not wanting to wake Rook up.

“Hey, darlin’. How’s he doing?”

You looked up at your boyfriend, a soft smile on your face as you took in his peaceful features. “He’s doing good, a little freaked out, I think, but he’s good.” The man nodded, and you continued. “They’re doing surgery on his hand tomorrow and then on his leg a few days from now.”

“Damn. Did he tell you what happened? All I got was a very vague text.”

You nodded, the smile falling. “I guess these guys jumped him while he was out and one of them got in a car and hit him.” Your breathing got heavy thinking about it and you could see Johnny’s eyes widen.

He took in a deep breath, processing what you told him. “Jesus, I just thought he’d got his ass kicked at some bar.”

“So did Colson.” You let out a short laugh, your heart not in it. Your hand moved up to run over his arm again. “He’s scared he’s not gonna be able to drum again.” You whispered, tears coming to your eyes as you took in Rook’s sleeping state. For the first time since you’d gotten the call you allowed your emotions to hit you fully, thoughts of how much worse it could’ve been and how scared he must’ve felt floating through your mind.

Johnny could hear the slight crack in your voice, and he walked over to where you were sitting, pulling you into his stomach. “He’ll be okay.” He whispered, “I raised a strong kid.”

You nodded, trying to hide your sniffles. “I know, I just- I can’t stop thinking about how much worse it could’ve been. If he-.” You bit your lip, not wanting to voice the thought out loud. “I can’t lose him.” Your voice was weak, and you weren’t even sure that the words came out.

Johnny pulled you closer, “I know, sweetheart. But you have to remember that he’s okay, it wasn’t worse.” You nodded. “You’re allowed to want him to stay inside for the next few months out of fear, that’s natural. You just gotta remember how lucky we are.”

You wiped your eyes gently, smiling up at the father of your soulmate. “Thank you.” You whispered.

He nodded, “He needs to remember how lucky he is to have you. There’re not many people who would stick around with him for 3 years. Not people like you.”

You smiled softly, looking at Rook with fondness in your eyes, “I’m lucky to have him, too.”

Johnny patted your shoulder, going back to where he was sitting. You grabbed a spare pillow from the table next to you and propped it on the bed , slightly on Rook’s lap. You laid your head on it, making sure Rook’s hand was in a comfortable position in your own, and drifted off to sleep.

[ironmandeficiency]

Ooooh that playlist is a good one! Might I request Id love to be Your Last with Din?

saints or sinners

word count: 872

summary: you reflect on what life could’ve been if you had met din earlier, then you realize that you met right when you were supposed to.

a/n: heather! i love this so much! this song was in my spotify top 5 songs of 2020 bc i kept using it to fuel the yearning when daydreaming of things i would eventually write. this playlist is chock full of songs that inspire my writing, and is also the one i'm using for these requests here (open till 6/1/'21)

warnings: implied smut, author having not watched the mandalorian or read/written for din in FOREVER, more soft

“what if i had been a mandalorian?” the words came out of nowhere, blindsiding both you and din. the vibrant blues and violets of hyperspace reflected against his helmet as it whipped around to look at you in befuddlement. the ship’s silence had been peaceful prior to your outburst, the child asleep in his hammock and the two of you simply enjoying each other’s company.

you didn’t need to see din’s face to know that he was giving you a dead stare. the thoughts circulating behind it, however, were a mystery. “i’m serious! what if i had been in your covert and we met each other that way?” it was a thought you entertained from time to time. what if you had met din sooner? would you have had more time to get to know him, love him, and show him the love he gave you? maybe it would have taken him less time to open up, giving you more years of a relationship under your belts.

it sure would have saved you plenty of time wasted on those who weren’t worth their weight in beskar. a few heartbreaks, an ugly attempt to bring you in for credits, and more could have been avoided had you just met din earlier. it would have meant more nights spent in his arms, more hyperspace jumps holding his hand from the copilot’s seat, just more din.

your mandalorian contemplates the question for a moment. you can see the gears turning in his head as he runs through the scenario you presented with the attention to detail you’ve come to know from him. the ship hums in the background, the galaxy zooming around you and bringing more light into the mostly dark cockpit.

“if you had been in the covert, i don’t think we’d be together now.” he must have been taking lessons on how to ruin someone’s day because damn did that hurt. part of you wants to leave and stew about his harsh response in privacy, but the rest of you is curious about how he would spin this. looking at your face and hearing your humph of indignation, he realizes that he needs to explain quick or else risk bringing your fury down upon him,

“everything we’ve gone through, with and without each other, has made us who we are now. had you been in the covert, you would have missed many formative events that made you into the one i claim as my riduur.” your eyebrows raise at his explanation. you know that he’s not wrong in the slightest, but it doesn’t feel as reassuring as you had hoped. “there are times i wish that i had known to save myself for you, to let you be the one i shared my firsts with. but then it wouldn’t quite be me you would be getting.”

he takes off his gloves and you’re wondering where exactly he’s going with this. “see the tattoo you’re so fond of?” he points to the small target and you give him a deadpan look. of course you see it, you love to hold his hands and place a soft kiss on the target like it’s telling where you need to plant your lips to get the best smile. “i got that in my early twenties while i rode with a group of bandits. why else would you kiss that spot if the target wasn’t there?”

it’s slowly starting to make sense to you, but he continues his explanation. “and this scar here? i wouldn’t have gotten it from our first meeting if i had met you in any other way, in any other time than when i did.” he nudges the skin on the top of his other hand, a jagged scar that had been a wound sealed by a cauterizer a permanent reminder of how you met din.

“so what you’re saying,” you begin, grabbing both of his hands and kissing ink and scar tissue reverently. “is that if we had met any other way, than it wouldn’t truly be us.”

“you learn quick, ner riduur.” you can hear the smile in din’s voice through the modulator. “and if you had been anywhere else but that cantina the day we met, there’s a good chance that i’d have died that day, and then where would we be?”

you lean out of your chair just enough to give din a playful shove, the mock offense evident in the scoff you made. “so it was suddenly lucky that i was barfed on by that drunk togruta? vomit isn’t lucky in any culture that i know of.” his laugh makes your heart sing, the joy contagious as you began to join his laughter.

it takes a few moments for the both of you to regain your composure. you can always tell when din’s about to grow serious. his shoulders square and his back shoots up ramrod straight, giving himself the posture of a king. “i might not have been in many of the firsts you’ve had in your life, but i aim to be part of your lasts for as long as you let me.”

“i’m gonna hold you to that, din.”

“i would expect nothing less from you.”

din djarin taglist: @the-studious-porg@likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @leias-left-hair-bun @obirain @olluea @themarcusmoreno @catsnkooks @mackstrut @simping-for-fives @stardustsunrisekisses @darthadeline @artemis61003 @majorshiraharu @getdookuedon @capricornrabies @max--phillips @jedi-mando @darklingveracruz @book-of-anarchy @andysficrecs @purelypascal @whovianwar @lv7867 @hornystarwarsbisexual @princess76179 @evyiione @maydayfigment

[thedeviljudges]

Do you think Yohan always planned to fake his death and join Elijah in Switzerland, or did he originally intend to really die with the rest of the 'villains'? Part of me thinks that would fit with his pre-Gaon conception of himself, as a monster, not deserving of love, not necessarily seeing a role for himself in Elijah's life beyond getting revenge for her/Isaac, and financing an opportunity to help her recovery. Or do you think regardless of that, he'd still never plan to leave her on her own?

i didn't mean to put off this ask for so long. i was busy, but i also wanted to wrap my thoughts around this before i tried answering. not bc i didn't have an answer to begin with but yohan and death is a subject i'd like to approach, but i'm not entirely sure how i'd like to make the analysis of it, and i'm not sure i ever will.

so that leaves me to answer it here in the best way i can because point blank: i do believe yohan intended to die by the end. i do think he had two plans in place since the beginning (dying or not dying and helping elijah), but of course, until that final moment, he wasn't ever going to know the truth. that end scene of him blowing up the court was a 50/50 shot. he had a plan to make it out, but it wasn't a guarantee.

but lets also back up a bit because before we get to that point, i think it's necessary to point out that the reason yohan gets away and does all of the shit that he does is because he knows that he might not make it out alive. it's why he's reckless. it's why he bends the law the way that he does. yohan's actions prove, over and over again, that he does not care for himself. he does not care to live except to protect elijah. there are so many small moments of this. we call yohan unhinged out of fun, but i think there is truth in it because i've mentioned this casually before (and part of my words above in terms of not necessarily knowing how to approach this just yet) is that yohan is almost...... suicidal himself.

he's reckless. he's said that he does not care about the actual law. his goal has always been getting revenge for his brother, especially for his niece who grew up without her parents. yohan never truly cared about the bigger picture until gaon came along. if we leave out gaon and think of the plot as such, yohan would've been able to prevail much quicker, i'd say. he had a plan and was going to follow through with it no matter what, regardless of the ending. and he knew going into it that there was a chance he wouldn't make it out alive.

which is why i think he partially also allowed elijah to blame him for her parent's death because if she hates him, it will be so much easier for her to forget him. she won't mourn him or miss him. she will be able to move on with her life and live it any which way she wants. but because yohan doesn't really understand kids, let alone elijah, what he fails to realize is that elijah doesn't actually hate her uncle. she's looking to get rid of all of the pent up hurt and frustration bc she never had an outlet to let all of that out. yohan fails to see that elijah cares for him and would miss him, to a degree, if he died.

so now, if we think of the plot with gaon, it twists everything on its head bc gaon has no need to be there within yohan's plans. yohan doesn't need gaon to do anything bc everything was already planned from the beginning. if anything, gaon came in and crashed some things, leaving yohan to pick up those pieces and continue pushing forward. biggest case in point, gaon's stubbornness and his arguments against yohan with the law and what he's doing.

see, gaon eventually comes to realize yohan's reasonings for doing what he's doing for his brother, but i feel like gaon thinks that even if that is part of yohan's plan involves revenge, how much does he think yohan is also doing this for the greater good and wanting to fix society? we know that yohan has no intention of that, but does gaon? and so no wonder gaon protests because if he thinks yohan is trying to fix a broken system (plus get revenge all in the same plot), no wonder gaon continues fighting yohan - he's under the belief that yohan is trying to make things better. but he's NOT.

which circles back to the idea that yohan had every intention of either making it out alive or dying. gaon opened his eyes that yes, maybe things could possibly be good. gaon made yohan question a lot of things along the way, especially his own humanness and realizing that he is worth something and not the monster he let himself believe he was, and what others told him he was. that wasn't part of the plan either, which is why it made it so much harder for yohan to go through with bombing the court because yohan's at a conflicting place of finally understanding gaon's hope but knowing that he only ever had revenge as an intent.

yohan's plan is derailed a bit by gaon being hope and introducing concepts yohan has lived without for so long. before then, yohan lived isolated with one clear goal in mind until gaon showed him he had a reason to live. i also said in another post that while gaon stopped yohan because he didn't want to see yohan going down a path he couldn't come back from, it was already too late at that point. yohan had already set his path long before gaon came into the picture and nothing he said or done would've changed that. but it DID given yohan more perspective and more heart, possibly being at peace even more so with dying knowing elijah would have gaon.

but instances within the show - of course, his two fake deaths. him steering gaon and himself off the road on the middle of the highway. him chasing after the minister's son. yohan asking soohyun to save gaon despite him literally bleeding out.

yohan does not care for himself. he does not care whether he lives or dies, as long as his plan is completed. we can talk til we're blue in the face about how yohan was wrong manipulating the law like he did and various other things, but the reason why? is because he did not care. and it wasn't because of him being a sociopath by any means. it was because he numbed his emotions, lied to himself, and used his love for his brother and elijah to propel him to a desired end with the possibility of his death involved. and quite frankly, that speaks volumes about who he is and just how much he actually cares, how much he actually has emotions.

yohan, to love his niece so much he decided to manipulate the law, to serve his own agenda and purposes for an outcome that wouldn't actually give them that much peace, but would at least position the country in a way they could grow and give elijah a life where she wouldn't have to grow up into that kind of destruction. this is why yohan "leaves" gaon behind and why gaon is the hope of the show because in going along with his plans, yohan realized that if gaon wasn't going to follow him through til the end, if he was going to do everything in his power to stop yohan, then the biggest apology yohan could give gaon was the world - the entire judicial system to make things right, to do better. that was yohan's gift to gaon and his apology because yohan had no intention of making it better. but maybe gaon could with him gone.

i've seen a few comments about how if yohan was someone in irl, we'd all steer clear of him, well, there's a lot of characters out there like that, but i wouldn't stay away from him for the reasons everyone typically lists (like the choking and manipulation) because they think he's that way just bc. yohan's actions mimic those of someone who simply doesn't care because they're depressed and not because they're psychotic. there is a DIFFERENCE. like yes, are some of his actions shitty? and his gaon right to mistrust the things he does sometimes, also yes.

but understand that there is a difference in people's behaviors depending on the underlying mental health issues involved. i don't fully believe yohan had any intent to hurt elijah or gaon maliciously. it's part of yohan being oblivious and not recognizing his own actions mixed with the entirety of his plans to be followed through til the very end. we've seen how oblivious yohan can be (the classroom bird story is a classic example; they all thought he was the devil when in reality, this kid only hurt the bird because it was scaring the girl he sat next to. logically, that mean eliminating the threat. he didn't purposefully kill the bird and enjoy it. it was a practical response within his own personal world).

i feel like i'm missing parts of this discussion, which is why i said this was a difficult topic for me to approach just to get all of my thoughts about it out there. and long story short to answer your question: i think yohan intended to die (just like he had a plan in case went to jail, for example). that possibility couldn't have been ruled out. but i think he had the plan to escape with elijah so that she could get better. either way, whatever happened happened, even if he died. elijah would be taken care of regardless.

gaon throws a wrench in his plans just a little bit, makes him realize his emotional capacities but gaon's not enough to stop yohan from seeing his plans out until the very end, even if that means losing gaon, too, because even if gaon has shown yohan that he is worthy of love and family and affection, it is not enough to forgive everything he's done, and he needs to make right what was wrong. yohan's death in that courtroom, if it had happened, wouldn't be the thing everyone needed to forgive him for his actions but it would be a start in eliminating himself as part of the problem.

another thing to keep in mind, is that we know yohan is not a sociopath, even if that's what everyone wanted us to believe. everyone thought he made sunah jump out the window, but what he was actually doing was protecting isaac and his mother's necklace. sunah made the choice all on her own, set up yohan and framed him despite yohan reaching out time and time again. isaac didn't even understand what had happened and focused on the fact that this girl jumped because of yohan without listening to the truth of it. yohan has always been shown to be fiercely loyal to the people he loves. he's never directly done anything bad (at least as a kid) unless he was provoked.

what people need to understand about yohan as a character is INTENTIONS. and i hope i'm making myself clear on this. everyone thinks he's born a devil, but that has never been the case. yohan's actions just come from a place from blind revenge. if he never needed to get revenge in the first place, if isaac was alive and well, would yohan make these same decisions? would he still be this kind of person who needed to use these methods to work around the law? i don't think so.

i think i remember getting an ask awhile back about whether yohan would eventually turn into who he is now had isaac lived because we see him livid and upset during that flashback to one of his earlier court cases (where we find he's ripping the paper with the pen) and whether or not isaac's death just fast forwarded the process. i don't feel like trying to go dig that post out, and i can't remember what i said on it either, but i feel yohan would have his family as a moral compass to keep him in line, and he wouldn't have succumbed to his present-day tactics. i think he could've worked his way up into the system and made real change. i think his heart could've been there all long, but again, was derailed by isaac's death and of course, plans changed.

this was a mouthful, and i hope what i'm saying makes sense because you can probably see what i mean about how difficult it is trying to organize my thoughts about this subject. but i am under the full belief that yohan had every intention of dying at the end or even before that. i think he's a depressed individual who learned to slowly open back up with gaon's help, but gaon is no doctor and no amount of his kindness would help someone that depressed either. it helped, certainly. but yohan saw himself as a monster/devil until the very end, and was more than willing to kill himself to make gaon and elijah's life so much easier. as penance. as justice. as love.

[feuqueerfire]

The Gifted Live Blogging

So this isn't BL but it's by GMMTV and has many actors who've played in BL, so I'll count it as BL-adjacent.

I've heard really good things about this, so I hope I love it! I want to be invested in the story and characters!

Episode 1 (Apr 30)

1-1

ooh so the homerooms go from 1-8 based on your grades? reminds me of the motherland where your roll call was determined by your exam ranking. humiliating

oh they’ll be critiquing this system, i see

ooh, much of the nanon/chimon comes from here right?

1-2

I think i did know that pang and wave start off as enemies but i didn’t expect wave to be such a dickhead

i think it’s so great that i’m able to be :< about the fact the we don’t get an enemies to lovers arc from them bc before i started watching bl/gls it was expected that we'd just have to ship the main character with their best friend of the same gender and have no hope of it actually being a possibility. Now, it's very much in the realm of possibility even though it's not always necessary in every case; just that it could've been even if in this case it's not, which is fine. I'm just rambling, rip me trying to get a point across

i haven’t yet figured out how much I trust pang’s best friend. He seems cool and like he’ll look out for Pang but like that’d make any betrayals hurt all the more. + the way he said “how do you know I’m ordinary?” was a bit suspicious

woahhh this man looking at their hiding spot and smiling. very intriguing

They have powers and stuff in this show right? it’s not just about being smart?

:00 frequency only gifted kids can hear?

1-3

I seriously need to learn Thai alphabet, I wanna know who got in (the 4/8 is obviously Pang but the others).

Actually, maybe it wouldn't matter because it doesn't have their nicknames, just official names?

Kinda wanted Pang and Nac's little conversation to include the thing about the question at the back but I guess it's too soon for that unrest

loool not the Beautiful Creates series. Haven't read it but also haven't heard a single good thing about it

1-4

The girl we've gotten glimpses of who seems to care about fashion is soooo beautiful to me. I think she and Gun's character have a thing for a brief period or something? She's so beautiful.

Bruh okayyyy

My entire dashboard is like not visible cuz it's all #kinnporsche or #cutie pie since it's Saturday and they're both airing and I can't read the comments on The Gifted because it's full of spoilers from this season and also Graduation :(

Episode 2 (Apr 30)

2-1

The 2-2 episode came before 2-1 in this playlist. Good thing I noticed, would've hated to have the same thing as one of the Not Me eps where I accidentally skipped a part and was like huh?

Watching this is so nostalgic, like the dystopian novels I read in 2012-2014 during middle school

Gun and the girl sitting beside each other are just so cool and beautiful. I already know they don't end up together so I shouldn't get invested but just from glimpses... It's because I'm a Gun fan and I love the female character's attitude. Have they said her name yet? I think the actress' name is Jane. Is she in Sizzy?

Seeing Sing play Ohm as comedic relief is jarring after seeing him as Todd in Not Me and Din in Puppy Honey. Endearing, though

Oh her name's Claire! She's so beautiful.

Wait, I thought Gun/Punn's potential was related to having different personalities within him or something? Or is that unrelated? When so many students raised their hands that they knew their potential, I wondered what if someone's wrong about theirs, I wonder if that's the case here?

2-2

Namtaan can read an object's history right? How would they fool her with a fake pen lol

I'm so confused, did holding Ohm's hand under that dryer... hurt? It's meant to dry hands under it I don't get how it'd be so powerful/hot

I feel like there's a bit of a discrepancy because it's like a cool powers, high stakes (making people actually disappear) but the reason Folk wanted those grades was... to have long hair? Like bruh, it's such a high school problem that it makes sense but is still jarring to be worked up so much over

2-4

I wish Namtaan's actress was more dynamic

Oh, they brought Ohm's "who was giving me this advice?" back around, nice

Oh, Folk forgot Ohm... I previously got spoiled in the comment section that Pang's friend Nac forgets him by the end, so I guess it's something like if a Gifted kid acts their potential upon someone else, they forget that person?

Bro I never learnnnn I just talked about how I got spoiled about the Nac thing in the comment section but I still scrolled down and learned that apparently, Pang has ability to control one's mind/emotion >:( I wanted it to figure out with the show

I saw that episode 5 is Punn's episode, so I guess each episode explores 1 character's powers and this one was Ohm's.

Episode 3 (Apr 30)

3-1

Okay Namtaan's story but her acting just falls so flat for me. It's not bad or cringy, just stale.

They've been hinting at Namtaan and Pang since the first episode but they have like no romantic chemistry to me rip. When are we getting Punn/Claire bro, the het storyline that has me intrigued despite having gotten like 10 seconds of them total and also knowing they don't end up together

3-2

Actually, she's not too bad when acting by herself. I think she seems flatter to me when she's acting with Pang and Ohm

Okay, even more specific I think I just don't like her way of conversing. The conversations don't feel natural but like she's certainly acting

I feel like I'm being mean for no reason T.T She's cute when she's trying to look into an object's past and is fine in acting when not speaking. it's fineee it's not like she'll see this, I can criticize freely

3-3

Am I too old? All the adults telling Namtaan not to overexert herself because of her health make a lot of sense to me lol

3-4

This episode would've been better if we actually found out a thing or two rather than follow around Namtaan's flat ass character but I get that they're just setting up the story and not giving answers already

Episode 4 (Apr 30)

4-1

Yes !! Claire's story!! Her vibes are Bitchy and Beautiful, so I'm excited

"The way people with an upper hand deal with those beneath them is to make them hate each other." Yeah, for real... she's shaping up to be very good at being a terrible person.

Wait, no, she outed someone ?! Bruh, that's not fun, that's just evil

Gun :D

Claire calls Gun using the 'ter' pronoun for you. I don't think that means anything but I was able to pick out this pronoun for the first time (guu, meung, phi is easy to pick out and sometimes I can pick up pom but this is the first time for ter)

Are we getting a True Beauty type thing

4-2

I'm deaddd when the dude Folk or Namtaan were being childish I was like this is childish but somehow Claire manages to be incredibly childish and immature but massively entertaining.

Claire didn't check her friend's colour in the last part and isn't suspicious of her in this part, either, so maybe it's her?

"My trick is no dirtier than yours. I thought you liked revealing people's secrets." I mean fair, Claire literally outed someone.

Wait, the video this person has of Claire is NSFW? I thought it was just her being ugly a week ago or something.

Please this dramatic editing and ending shot, the episode truly is hers

4-3

Oh nooo Punn saying he won't make it to her show

It's actually so fascinating to see her facade of being powerful and above it all crumble as her insecurities and paranoia take over. Like she's literally going around yelling and checking everybody's phone without rhyme or reason, the actor is doing great

Bro, this is so T.T They fr released it

Punn run after her !!!! Right nowwwwwww

Claire and Korn would be so sweet together too >.<

Bro I need Punn to get his act together and tell Claire that he doesn't care about the racy video and he likes her for her and everything's fine. He's not even here and he's making her cryyyyy

4-4

Claire seeking revenge is satisfying but they're in high school right? Isn't she a child in this video. Also the teachers are there, this gotta be shut down as fast as it started, Claire.

No way Claire's threatening leaking NSFW vids of Pangram? Girl, learn your lesson, have some revenge, and move on! I... don't think she'll leak an actual NSFW video but threatening is also too much and should require some action still like why are the teachers and people in charge just sitting there ?!?!?!

Yeah okay, she didn't leak anything terrible.

Yay, I'm glad Punn wasn't being useless! They're so cute !! I'm gonna be so sad when they don't work out in the end T.T

The way I know I like a character or person is if I just ship them with everyone (for ex in BL: Gun with Off, Gun with Tay, Gun's character Punn with Claire, Gun with literally everybody he smiles at) and it's showing with this too because ummm I like Claire/Punn, Claire/Korn, Claire/Wave, they could all be great because Claire's characterization is great and all these dynamics would be massively entertaining (or just sweet the way ClaireKorn are)

I enjoyed this episode a lot! Even though we practically went away entirely from the actual synopsis of the show (evil school's plan? main character pang? the classes?), it didn't make me bored or want to go back to the main story because the story and characters were interesting. I love fantasy and lore but I also love characters growing, developing, changing. It was also great because it really suited Claire's character too, like she took over the entire show and was the center of it for this episode

Episode 5 (Apr 30)

Gun's episode !! The glimpse of that fucked up music notes sheetwas intriguing, let's see what they do with his character

5-1

Bruh, the ledge?!

This dance? Punn and Claire are so cute T.T Her being like you didn't finish the dance, you gotta end it w a kiss

This is cool because I know there's gonna be some plot with him having different personalities but I still don't quite know how it's going to unfurl and I like the sense of impending doom this episode has

5-2

Is that ticking thing in Mr. Pom's office some sort of hypnotic device? I totally forgot to think of what his potential could be. Maybe getting people to divulge information purely based on this one interaction with Punn lol

It's one thing when the ads appear at funny or lighthearted moments but this EST cola thing in the middle of this intense scene lol

The memed "Nobody, never" speech but woah the pitch and tone and desperation in his voice, dang

bruh, chills when he turned around with a slight smile right after his outburst just to be like "Nothing, I'm sorry" The screenshot doesn't capture ittt

5-3

The teachers in this show are truly hilarious, students threatening to leak each other's NSFW tapes, beating the shit out of each other and they just watch (except when the plot needs for a teacher to punish someone)

5-4

I so wish they had Claire's hands be in bandages at the end when she's taking care of Punn. She literally grabbed the blade with her bare hands cmon

Woah okay I didn't write much for the 2nd half of this episode because that was so good. The acting was great, the script was great, the dark atmosphere/mood was great, and the way it switched between real life and Gun's mind and different personalities was all so good.

I don't even have much to say, I really loved this episode.

Also, Claire and Punn are just so freaking good, man.

Episode 6 (Apr 30)

6-1

I know everybody ships Pang/Wave but thus far their antagonisms haven't really made me ship them. I think Claire/Wave's asshole interactions were cuter but that might just be because I'm in love with Claire

Woah, Mon you are sooo cool

"Are there any downsides?" "Hmm, no" Mond girl, not way you're not wrong but you better hope your potential's consequence is small because some of these gifted kids' potentials are tryna kill them

6-2

This time I hope Jane and Mon are actually friends and there's no betrayal please. The club and characters seem wholesome and cute

Oh, nevermind but I'm guessing that's not actually Jane but something possessing???? her or fucking her up in some way

6-3

Ms Ladda is freaking funny in this

Okay tbh, this episode feels like a downgrade after episode 4 and 5 because while those 2 didn't directly deal with the school stuff, they were very interesting and had other things going for it, whether it be character development or great acting. This one feels like it's meandering and doesn't impact the overall plot but doesn't have excellent enough characters/writing/acting to make up for it.

Like girl I don't care if people don't like Mon because we barely know her and the fact that the guy will confess to her and then try to beat her up 2 seconds later doesn't leave any impact at all

6-4

bruh okayyyy, I spoke too soon about this episode being useless but this scene with Pang and Nac !! so good

The impact would've been so much greater if I didn't accidentally spoil myself a few episodes ago T.T

Episode 7 (May 1)

7-1

ominous beginning, okay

What's the timing for this? Pang knows his powers now, doesn't he? Why is he sitting in the class with Korn and Mr Pom as if they don't know their potentials?

Oh, I see... so did Pang just say Nac's strange behaviour was because of Mon's pheromones like everybody else

7-2

This journalist girl's vibes are so... off, it's very curious

aklsdfj Korn ?!?! just divulging all the secrets to this very intelligent and investigative girl like ???

7-3

Lol the drone at the girl's classroom window gave me horror flashbacks to 3 Idiots...

Anyway, you can smell Korn's heartbreak coming from a mile away, like she came with the explicit mission to find out the Gifted kids' secrets and Korn will give it to her but then? Will she stay? Will she keep his secrets? hmm

She's actually scary with how she's manipulating him, rip Korn

Korn saying "The person who decides what's important and what's not is me" just gave me flashbacks to Fiat's role in SOTUS S

7-4

lol getting rejected by Claire isn't ruining your life Korn, calm down. Like I feel bad for him cuz he's clearly being used and isn't thinking clearly enough to identify how he's being manipulated but I don't like his attitude toward Claire

I mean is Koi wrong? The Gifted kids get all the privileges while the non-Gifted kids also have to withstand the weird shit they make happen while also never getting answers or justice for it

I thought Mr Pom wouldn't be affected by Pang's potential, like the teacher in charge of them is immune to them sort of way? I feel like we always need a character in these stories who can withstand others' powers

Actually, maybe he's just pretending and he really is immune

Episode 8 (May 1)

8-1

ooh, we're getting like a full group activity rather than focusing on just one character?

8-2

Wave is seriously so intriguing

is that log eq even solvable for same x ?

I freaking love Claire's dramatic ass

Another thing I spoiled for myself: Punn copies Pang's potential in The Gifted Graduation

8-3

The scoreboard is killing me fr, it's like a rough order of which the characters are interesting and central to the plot. Poor twins

Dang. They really will do everything for the smart students and the reputation of the school lol unsurprising

Why does Wave think Pang cheated?? Is it just his ego that he refuses to believe anybody could beat him fair and square?

Gosh, the talk with the Director is so fucked up because schools/universities really are just... like that lol All the shit about "not ruining [perperator]'s future" during rape accusations for example

Okay, I guess the forgetting thing isn't a result of the Gifted kid's powers being used on someone but rather the school/Director gives them something to make them forget? Like Ohm's friend who got disappeared, Ms Ladda saying Koi won't remember, Nac after he banged his head on the metal.

lol the Director truly knows how to get under Wave's skin i guess

I'm guessing for the next 4 episodes we'll focus more on the school and it's secrets like this one than following each character's journey (though we might have this too)?

Episode 9 (May 1)

9-1

Cross out my previous assumption, I guess we'll follow Wave this time

Realization with the preview: Wave's line "I'm dying to know what you'll ask of the director" after he hands Pang his walkie-talkie that he later listens in with is really great!

lol Namtaan's conversation acting got better or she just looks better doing it against Wave because his acting's a bit unnatural for me (his scream at the end of last ep lol)

Bruh, this teacher is acting so unprofessionally, why would you wipe this student's mouth with your handkerchief and lean in so close?

Gosh, Nara is making me sooo uncomfortable. As an adult, there are certain mannerisms and distance you must maintain when interacting with children. At first I thought it'd be like a normal Wave has a crush on a teacher but she's soo ?? flirty ?? I'm deeply uncomfortable

9-2

I don't wanna even think about another love triangle with Pang - Namtaan - Wave. They already have one with Punn - Claire - Korn, c'mon now.

Namtaan's acting is back to being somewhat awkward

The interactions between Wave and Nara truly make me want to die, why is she a teacher/adult in the school idek who she is acting the way she is with a student who's also a child fr. And they're alone on a rooftop in the evening, Wave my guy, run as far away as possible

rip they really ganged up on Wave like that but I can understand them since it's Mr Pom who said they suspect Wave

9-3

who is this random girl though. This far into the story I don't like it when they introduce new characters just for some conflict. Koi, for example, we knew from before because of her journalism stuff and Nara is from Wave's past so it makes sense that she's new to the story but this maroon hoodie girl ?

Isn't Wave a little toooo soft when he's with Namtaan, divulging his vulnerabilities so easily

Uhh yeah, that's a very deserved warning

Wait um ???

Bruh, what do you mean you didn't do anything wrong, weren't you about to kiss Nara? Not that I think the fault necessarily lies with Wave, it's Nara abusing her position of power for sure bc wtf

Anyway don't make Namtaan Nara's daughter or something cuz that'd be so fucking weird

9-4

Bruh, can't they just ask them to discuss the thesis?

?? What exactly did Wave do wrong, bruh? Nara tricked him into doing her thesis, was inappropriately close with him, and bought her degrees. Wave exposing that she bought the degree makes perfect sense, she had it coming tf

I don't like Namtaan enough to let go of her stupid shit the way I would do for Claire and maybe Punn

I think the writing and characterization for this episode could've been tighter but it was interesting to finally see Wave's backstory nonetheless.

Is this the first episode where the arc doesn't get wrapped up by the end?

Episode 10 (May 1)

10-1

Girl what's going on

10-2

Mon's actress is very beautiful

Why are the teachers in this school so useless? Not even just for like treating students unfairly but like controlling students lol Ms Ladda is intimidating but so much shit happens that she's clueless about

I don't quite get how this threat is working against Mon like first of all, she's no longer in the Martial Arts club because they hated her anyway and like the Gifted kids would understand that it's just her sweat and she didn't know (+ Pang already knows) like ?

10-3

Okay, would Wave actually give away the secrets? I can't think of what he'd gain by doing so, so I'd guess no. He probably gets off on the fact that he's getting so many people to follow his/the app's orders and is causing chaos because he's better than everybody else but he doesn't seem like the type who'd want the info to get out. Maybe it'll just be a prank at the end to show people they can manipulate them?

10-4

Okay, so he wouldn't have actually leaked anything, it's just to display his knowledge and potential

I like the Pang and Wave convo

I feel the same way about this episode that I do about episode 6. The first 3 parts with the action and erratic behaviour don't really appeal to me (it might've appealed to me more if we understood why Wave was doing more or if he had a better reason than just I wanna show everybody I'm smart) but the last part with Pang is good

Episode 11 (May 1)

how many episodes am I gonna watch today? I should stop for today so that I can watch the other 3 tomorrow but I won't do that

11-1

I think I'll scream cry throw up tear out my hair when Punn and Claire break up "Do I like music? I don't know but I know someone I love likes it when I play it for her."

Okay interesting, I guess we'll focus on multiple people this episode

11-2

Dang before Pat and Pran's fist bumps, there was Wave and Pang's ?

Okay I stopped here last night because I had to wake up at like 8:30 for Eid, so I’m watching the rest the next day on Eid hoho

11-3

What does that sayyy why don’t they translate aghhh I’ll assume it’s something like 1 week later

Bruh, their friends realizing Wave getting Pang lunch and straws and calling him etc I can 100% see where all the shipping is coming from now

11-4

Ms Ladda is so interesting. She had undying loyalty to the school while she was there but now that she’s been fired, she’s willing to give Chanon’s folder to them (even though she thinks they can’t do real damage). I assume she’ll show up again even if she’s not a part of it all anymore? Esp because she was wiping people’s memories probably

Mr Pom can stop time? I feel like I should’ve been able to figure that out with the ticking clock thing always there but I was like hmm maybe the ticking helps with hypnosis lol

Oh, it’s called a Metronome from the comments

Also, read the comments and got spoiled that the director apparently has same powers as Pang rip someone was theorizing about what’s happening and a commentor was like “director has same power as pang, remember?” like bruh no? They don’t remember because they’re clearly watching it for the first time and trying to figure it out

Episode 12 (May 2)

12-1

Ohhh, so Pom’s the one who can erase memories? Or can he stop time and then do smth to erase memories

Nooo Pang sitting down all pouty while Wave throws paper balls at him and calls him stupid is so cutee

It’s Eid so I haven’t been able to watch a whole lot of this and tomorrow I won’t have my laptop with me nooo when will I watch these last 2 episodes. I’ll try to finish episode 12 tonight and then maybe watch Episode 13 on my phone sometime tomorrow ?

12-2

lool this electric metronome

12-3

Okay but I don’t get why they’re stealing each other’s pins... they don’t want their classmates to get fucking expelled, do they? Like okay I believe Claire and Punn would fuck over other people to get their pins the way they did with the twins but Ohm doing that to trick twin Joe to steal his pin ?? hm

I wish they’d taken the folder from him when Pang commanded him to remember because how do you know he won’t try to destroy it even more after he remembers lol

12-4

Yeah lol they’re so smart in some ways but fr oversee everything in some others like why wouldn’t you just take the folder

This Canon-Pom thing got me all fucked up fr

Ms Ladda gave Ohm the lose powers injection ?! 

Episode 13 (May 3)

I went on a 1 day trip and so watched the first part of this on my laptop before leaving and the rest of it on my phone when I had some down time because I needed to know what happened. So here’s my notes app notes rather than live blogging.

ending of the gifted?!?! very very interesting that the director pointed out pang’s arrogance woah

so the second season was always going to happen, interesting. i sometimes consider just not watching second season cuz it seems like they’re just tacking it on after a finished story but nah this was planned

anyway i’ll have to watch punnclaire break up that’s so </3

Overall:

Interesting thus far! I liked how it went through each character’s journey and got us attached to them before tackling grander things. Episodes 4 and 5 were my favourite, I freaking love PunnClaire.

I think in some ways the writing/direction of the story is excellent while weak in others. I liked how it ended, though I would’ve been annoyed if I watched it with only season 1 available but I’ll be starting season 2 soon, so it’s fine. I think it’s just super interesting how the season kind of ended with them failing and the director harshly pointing out that Pang himself is arrogant, unequal, and unfair. 

I’m interested to see how next season goes, I think it’ll be a lot more intense and also I’m dreading the PunnClaire breakup fr.

Rating: 7/10

Tiktoks:

PunnClaire scenes from season 1 (cr: stvyls)

Claire stopping Punn from harming himself in ep 5 (cr: ilyramida)

The Gifted: Graduation Live Blogging 

[seanfalco]

To Hurt | Nathan Young x Reader

Wrote this sometime last year when I was having a bad night, but then talked myself out of posting it. Went back to it tonight bc I’m back in the same place and finished it. Figured maybe it might help someone else feel better too.

A vent piece in a similar vein as Comfort.

word count: 1.1k

warning(s): language, depictions of self harm

You wanted to hurt.

You wanted to hurt as badly on the outside as you did inside. That thought hadn’t surfaced in a long while, not since you’d left your stepmum’s, so the fact that it did now scared you.

It scared you a lot.

But It would be so easy. Hurting yourself. You’d done it before, many times, in so many different ways.

Jumping up, you balled your hand into a fist as you faced the bedroom wall and punched as hard as you could.

It only took a moment of anger, a moment of frustration and it was over... but the pain that traveled up your arm seemed to shock you awake.

Oh, it hurt worse than you’d thought.

Already your hand was beginning to swell, throbbing hard enough to bring fresh tears to your eyes and you shook your hand, a choked sob escaping your lips. Shit, did you break it? You couldn’t move your fingers.

“[y/n]? Th’fuck was that noise?” Nathan’s voice called from the other room and you just stood there, pressing your back to the wall and sliding to the ground. The apartment was small, you knew he’d find you soon.

How were you supposed to explain this?

Raising your eyes you stared at the crack in the wall where your fist had just made contact. You were probably gunna lose your safety deposit for that.

“[y/n]? Oh, Jesus!” Nathan exclaimed as his eyes went from the hole in the wall to the steadily darkening black and purple bruises covering your knuckles. Crouching in front of you he winced as he took your hand to get a closer look before his eyes flicked back to your tear stained face, your makeup no doubt a mess.

“What happened?” he asked, though it was pretty clear what happened.

With a sniffle, you shrugged halfheartedly, unable to quite make your voice work. When you didn’t answer, merely averting your eyes ashamedly, Nathan let out a long breath.

“I’ll get some ice,” he muttered, leaving you with your guilt, the empty pit inside you threatening to swallow you whole. He was only gone a minute, back with a baggie of ice and a towel and you couldn’t stomach the worry lurking behind his green eyes as he wrapped the towel round your hand, to hold the ice bag in place.

Pressing his back against the wall next to you, he drew his knees up to his chest and you felt his hand brush your non injured one. Letting him thread his fingers with yours you felt another wave of self loathing coming and you almost wrenched your hand away, instead squeezing his fingers hard, desperately holding onto him.

“Why’d you do that?” Nathan asked, watching you from the corner of his eye, his head pressed back against the wall as he worried his lip with his teeth.

“I wanted to hurt,” you murmured softly. “We don’t all get blackout drunk when we hate ourselves.”

At your words, Nathan grimaced and you felt shame wash through you, a stray tear falling down your cheek. “I’m sorry…” you muttered, shaking your head, sniffling thickly. “Are y’mad about the wall?”

Nathan turned to gape at you incredulously. “No! God, no! Fuck th’wall, who cares bout that? We’ll hang a poster or somethin’ over it. I’m worried bout you. I’ve never seen yeh like this before,” he exclaimed, shakily.

“Don’t you ever just feel like you’re not good enough?” you whispered, your voice cracking.

Silence stretched and Nathan nodded, leaning against you. “Are y’kiddin’? I always feel that way.” He swallowed and turned to face you. “But you… you’re the best damn thing t’ever happen t’me, and I think you’re better than good enough. I wouldn’t trade you for all the money or--or booze, or blowjobs in th’world! I’m serious!” he exclaimed, picking up speed. “An, y’know how much I love all those things.”

For a moment you nearly cracked a smile, but Nathan caught it.

“Next time you feel like this, tell me an’ I’ll distract you. Or we’ll go out an’ break something or vandalize something instead. Fuck, we could even steal your stepsister’s car again and crash it, just for th’hell of it. But yeh don’t hafta do this alone. That’s why I’m here, yeah?”

Oh no, you thought, here come the fuckin’ waterworks, but Nathan was quick to pull you into his lap, and he didn’t care if you got his shirt wet from crying against his chest. He merely began to murmur all his favourite things about you into your ear, each thing cheesier than the last til he got you to finally laugh, even if it was a watery one.

“There, see,” he murmured looking rather proud of himself, “I’ll earn my keep yet.”

“Thank you,” you managed to sniffle and Nathan wiped the last few stray tears from your cheeks before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“‘Course, like I said, that’s what I’m here for, love.”

Flexing your hand, you grimaced at the sting, pulling the ice bag from it. At least you could move it; it seemed less likely that it was broken now.

“What am I s’posed t’tell people bout this? It’s not exactly… subtle,” you sighed, already regretting your actions and Nathan grinned slightly.

“We’ll tell em… you got in a fistfight with a mugger and that you won.”

Though you looked skeptical you felt somewhat lighter, buoyed by Nathan’s easy grin and his jokes.

“C’mon, I think its time for a proper snuggle,” he exclaimed and you didn’t argue, letting him carry you to the bed before folding you into his arms.

“I meant it when I said you’re th’best thing t’ever happen t’me, y’know?” he murmured, taking your face between his hands. “I don’t wanna lose you... you know what I mean?” he asked, giving you a pointed look, as if saying it aloud might make it happen and once more white hot shame washed through you.

“I know, I’m sorry,” you whispered, clutching at his shirt with your good hand.

“Please don’t do that again?” he insisted, his eyes seeking yours, all trace of amusement gone, and you nodded.

“I won’t, I promise.”

Hearing the sincerity in your voice, Nathan seemed to relax, pressing his lips to your forehead before tilting your chin up to kiss your lips.

“Good, cause I don’t think the wall’ll hold up if you hit it again. You’re too strong,” he teased. “It’s be like kapow! and then turn into rubble or somethin’, and then we’d hafta share one big open flat with th’neighbors, and I don’t know about you [y/n], but I don’t think I’d like that. There goes all our privacy!”

When he got you to laugh, really laugh, a proud smile stole across his face, his expression lighting up hopefully as he watched you.

“Hey Nathan,” you murmured, as your giggles finally died down.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[stellocchia]

i remember your post about wilbur not dying in the control room and your description of tommy's exile and that hurt me personally so here's some hcs about that: the sleepy bois arent allowed to visit. dream explains that they,in a way CAUSED tommy to be rowdy enough to burn down george's house. the island tommy ends up is MILES upon miles away from civilization. tommy realizes at some point that he's kind of become feral. not "haha" funny feral,but actively biting and scratching at dream and he

HATES himself for it. he does manage to save himself though,after about days of swimming when he runs into one of puffy's old ships and heads to wilbur and phil and techno in the artic. he isnt pleased with them,but he's also too tired to care. wilbur and phil put a LOT of time into making sure tommy is physically and mentally recovered before talking to tubbo on ending tommy's exile bc he's clearly been through enough.

-

While I really love this, it can actively be worse.

Wilbur not dying means that he was still in that awful destructive mindset that he got in during Pogtopia so it's very possible that he wouldn't visit with no input from Dream (and I really don't think that Dream would ever have gone out of his way to let them know that Tommy had been exiled, even if it was to warn them away from him). He wouldn't think that he's in any way needed or even capable to help in any way + he'd probably think that L'Manburg got it covered. Techno and Phil, since the 3 of them are all together in this version, would also probably be contented with letting L'Manburg handle it if they ever do find out about exile in the first place.

That said adding all of this means that Tommy may very well not be able to escape on his own. A mix of much more pronounced loneliness and much more distance between himself and Techno's cabin, you know? Plus there is the fact that, as I mentioned, the Butcher Army may very well have gone directly for Dream as it was easier than attacking 3 people, you know? This could have ended with Tubbo trying to go find Tommy to erase the exile once Dream declares war against them... which definitely would not go over well, because who the f*ck would appreciate your best friend visiting you only when they need you again?

From there we could have either Tommy refusing to fight and just retreated into his dirt shack or the whole Protege AU route if you wanna go that way. Either way, you have Tommy having to re-learn how to live normally and deal with the more feral behaviours he acquired.

Like, the only way I see possible in this case for Tommy joining the rest of SBI in any way is if Wilbur himself went to visit Tommy in exile and convinced him to go with him. Mainly because Tommy would definitely go if it was Wilbur asking, but also because we saw Techno and Phil visiting in canon and it didn't really change sh*t. And, I mean, if he joined them at that point he would simply be out of the conflict because there would have been no Butcher Army attacking Techno so there was no reason for them to intervene and Wilbur may still scheme and sh*t, but he's mostly being kept under control by the others.

Though with the second option we may have Dream also momentarily put on hold his whole conflict with New L'Manburg to get back into stalking Tommy as soon as he leaves because we know he would. Which would end with either SBI helping Tommy or we'd be back at square one only with even more betrayal this time around...

If they do help him though, Dream may do what he did in canon and leave Tommy there with the intention of getting the second disc and coming back. So, you know, Doomsday happens either way, without Tommy.

Neither him joining nor not joining SBI would be a good ending for Tommy though, just to be clear. First ending he's alone and he broke off his relationship with literally everyone beyond a point where it's mendable because screw them! And in the second case, he still lost most of the people he cares about and is stuck with Wilbur who is still definitely not well.

[mythiccheroacademia]

Beach Waves and Happiness

a little self-indulgent something i was hoarding in my documents and decided to share. maybe or maybe not bc i felt bad bc of all the angst i was posting. i hope you all enjoy it :)

A/N: In my mind, I imagine that Bakugo and his spouse would certainly have a bumpy marriage. I headcanon that his spouse is as headstrong as he is, if not stronger. They need to be in order to handle all that is Bakugo Katsuki lmao. But they grow with each day and are their strongest together. He’s also matured by then, so it’ll always work out in the end.

A little context. You and Katsuki have been married for a couple of years and have kids. Koji and Eva. Twins. Not much else to say but enjoy this sweet, sugary, domestic fic. 

Warnings: Mentions of intimacy, cursing

Beach Waves and Happiness (Bakugo X Reader)

When the twins were old enough to walk and (mostly) potty-trained, that’s when you started taking trips. You were so excited to spend time as a family apart from dinner and bath time. Katsuki was excited to see you in a swimsuit again.

And family time as well!

Their first international trip was to Hawaii. Your husband had been a couple times and thought it would be a good and family-friendly vacation spot. You grew up on the beach so being on the island was perfect for you. Katsuki saw how you flourished under the sun, with the salty wind tousling your braids and the white sand on your feet. As you took your children to the waves, smiling like the sun as they squealed from the water, he felt heart swell with pride.

He never wanted to take for granted what he had been given.

“It tickles!” Eva, the eldest twin, giggled.

Koji was a bit hesitant to touch the water but gained confidence when he felt his sister grab his hand. When the waves began to roll in, they screamed with excitement and ran the other way. They continued their game of chase whiles their mother watched them with a smile.

Feeling eyes on yourself, you caught your husband’s adoring gaze and goofily posed. “Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” you joked.

And moment ruined. He rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he walked by your side. Katsuki placed his hand on your waist, inviting you to lean on his shoulder. You two stood there for a moment, letting the sound of your children’s laughter and waves settle between them.

“Don’t you wish we could just stay here forever?” you suddenly said.

“All the time, but money doesn’t grow on trees. You actually have to work for stuff.”

“Imagine that.” You raised your head catching Katsuki’s eyes. He hummed for your thoughts. “Nothing. Just kind of taking in everything. I feel at peace. More than I have in a long time.”

It was meant to be happy words, but it made the blonde hero deflate just a bit. A thought had been gnawing at his heart for a while and he found he could no longer hold in his question.

“[Y/N], are you happy?”

That got you to pause. You turned to hold his waist with your arms. “The short answer is yes, but what do you mean?” you said, eyeing how contemplative he looked.

Katsuki felt himself absent-mindedly play with your hair as he stared where the sand met the waves. He was never good with his words but damn it. He needed to know. Even if it could hurt him.

“It’s just…I know being with me isn’t the easiest.”

“Katsuki, if this is about our fight, I told you—”

“No. I mean yes, but not entirely. Let me just get this out.” You sighed but nodded. “When I asked you to move in with me, I half expected you to say no. But you did. And I know being thousands of miles away from your friends and family is shitty. Especially in Japan where you might feel alone. I mean, I know you made friends with Deku, Cheeks, Pinky, and all those idiots but it’s different. It’s not your home. But you never complain. You always adjust. Even after we got married and had children, and you felt like you were suffocating under all the responsibility when I was being a shit ass husband and father, you never said anything until you were at your breaking point.”

It pained him to remember how he didn’t know you were going through postpartum depression until it got so bad, he’d wake up to find you sobbing in the living room by yourself. Or when your mother called him five months into the marriage and nearly cussed him dead for her daughter feeling like she couldn’t even tell him she was going through a hard time. Sternly reminding him that you dropped everything to move to Japan for his career. That’s when she accidentally slipped that you were pregnant.

He was still young at the time and in the midst of a stressful time in his career. When he confronted you about it, he admitted he did more yelling than he should have. You took your ring off and he felt his heartbreak for the first time. You said you’d stay at a hotel, but he begged you to stay in the house and he left for his parent’s house. It was a tough week. One of the toughest weeks in your relationship. However, you preserved. As always.

Although, Katsuki still saw how exhausted you were. Even when he gave more than 100%, you were still tired, and he had a feeling it wasn’t physical exhaustion.

Your husband tucked a braid behind your ear and the look he gave you made your chest pinch. “I just don’t want you to get to your breaking point with me and before I can help it, lose you and the twins,” he said, voice barely above the sound of the sea.

There was only a small amount of times you’d see him so open about his feelings. Sometimes you’d admit you didn’t handle it well. Thus, the fights. You and your husband weren’t good at expressing your emotions properly and learning to do so was a journey. However, you always appreciated his willingness to grow—whether it was before or after the matter.

“Baby,” you cooed, softly kissing the corner of his lips. “Let’s get one thing straight. I’d have to be the coldest, most heartless, bitch on the planet to keep you away from Eva and Koji. No matter what happens to us, you’re still their father. A good one at that, and I would never separate you three. Besides, my mom and yours would hang me before I could.”

He chuckled. He knew you were only half-joking. Your parents were alike in more ways than one. It was kind of scary, but good for family gatherings.

“And, if I’m going to be honest, it was really hard at first. Sometimes, I thought I made the wrong decision, but then you’d come home, and we’d spend hours talking and every day I was reminded why I did it. The way your eyes would light up every time you’d talk about work made my heart flutter. Then you’d turn around, look at me, and tell me how being at your side made everything better. When I couldn’t tell you how useless I felt, you’d just know and make me feel on top of the world. When I’m hard on myself, you’re there to bully the insecurities out. I see the little things you do like buy more tampons and pads, without me having to ask, when I run low, wash the dishes as soon as you come home because you know I hate doing them, or turn the fan off in the middle of the night when I shiver, even when you’re hot.

We butt heads. We fight for sure. And we kind of suck ass at dealing with our feelings. But not for one moment did I stop loving you any less. Maybe I didn’t like you all the time,” she snickered and Katsuki snorted. “But I loved you. I love you. And I know you love me all the same.”

Katsuki didn’t know why he had been blessed, especially since he wasn’t the best person in his past. However, he never questioned it. He just cherished.

With no other way to properly express his gratitude, he pulled you closer and he pressed a heart-stopping kiss to your lips. You moaned, gripping his bicep, as he tilted your head, one hand under your chin and the other on the small of your back. Katsuki pulled back, your bottom lip between his teeth, to gaze at you in a way that warmed your body.

“Till death do us part, huh?” he smiled.

“You’re kinda stuck with me even after that.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Who knew you could be so corny?” you chuckled.

A hand came down on your ass and you gasped, laughing at his antics. “Don’t ruin the moment, dumbass.”

You continued your kissing, smirking between them. “You’re lucky you have a big dic—”

A tug at your skirt brought you two out of your…conversation.

It was Koji.

“Momma! We build castle!” he cheerfully smiled. Then he dropped his smile in 0.3 seconds and frowned at his father. “N’ you! Daddy no eat momma. We talk about dis.”

You snickered behind your hands as Katsuki’s eye twitched. Your son was at the age where he was forming an Oedipus complex. He and Katsuki had a thirty-minute conversation about him trying to “eat you” and “killing you” at night. It was endearing for you and annoying for him.

“Fine, you little brat. We’re watching your dumb castle,” he grumbled.

“You dumb!” Eva retaliated for her brother. Koji hmphed in agreement before running back to his sister.

You were openly cracking up and Katsuki was steaming.

“I’m glad you find this funny, jerk,” he mumbled.

“Hilarious actually.”

There was a moment of comforting silence.

“What was that about my big—”

“Koji! Your daddy’s tryna kill me again!”

“What the—? No I’m not!”

“DADDY!”

[mallowstep]

What about any Swiftpaw or Snowkit au ideas? Do you have any of those like with Shrewpaw?

i've answered this before, i believe, but i don't know where the post went lmao.

uh, so. i will probably never write a swiftpaw au because! while i like the idea of it, part of why the dogs are so terrifying is because of what happens with them: they kill swiftpaw and mutilate brightpaw.

so, i'd have to kill brightpaw to keep it meaningful, and i don't want to live in a world where cloudtail can't love his wife.

i'm sorry, i just have some lines i refuse to cross /jk

the closest i'll get is the night circus au? uh, in that one, they're all loners. so swift pulls bright from a burning building, and then they meet cloud a few months later, and they live w/ him and princess in a stable in a travelling circus.

swift is significantly less injured, bright is more or less injured to the level she is in canon. it's not really described in their fic ("relativistic") because no one involved cares about it, but it's there.

in a proper swiftpaw au, i'm not sure what i'd do. legitimately, i don't know. probably more swift/bright/cloud hours, because i refuse to live in a world where cloudtail can't love his wife.

i do want to do a loststar au at some point! where she keeps the name lostface bc it's a mark of what she survives (n also she's thinking about swiftpaw and how she lost him) and yeah?

swiftpaw's ghost might get to be a character in that.

i think, if i kept just swiftpaw alive, i wouldn't have an interesting story, because it would be basically the same but cloudtail couldn't love his wife. (it would also have a lot of down the road implications because no brightheart means no whitewing means no dovewing. you've discovered my secret the reason cloudtail and brightheart need to be alive is for dovewing.

no actually i refuse to accept them dying in any other way than within a week of one another.)

anyway.

so in a swift + bright survive au, i think! for interest's sake, i'd probably just have fun focusing on cinderpelt treating her sister and swiftpaw, who's...not really her maara because cinderpelt's litter got broken up, but still close to family.

goldenflower would be involved too i love her. i love her so much.

maybe i'd have swift like? be a therapist. not literally just. someone needs to learn how to get cats to talk about their problems.

so yeah that's that.

as for snowkit!

i've considered it, and at this point in time, i don't feel inspired, but that doesn't mean i won't.

i really like the idea of cats learning to cope with a deaf cat. like, as i've said several times, my world is not a better one, it is a different one.

so we'd probably deal with the effects of language deprivation, how home sign turns into a language, etc. maybe for interest's sake, we'd have cloudkit be deaf later on? just a thought, not sure.

anyway, brackenfur (brackenfur) would mentor him, and he'd take longer than usual to become a warrior, because he has just fundamentally more to learn. i could make him a medicine cat, and honestly, i think the clans would have a bigger problem with a deaf cat than a blind one, but i just don't like forcing cats to become medicine cats.

right so brackenfur would mentor him, and he'd never be the Best warrior, but that's okay! we don't need every cat to be the best warrior. it's okay to just be average.

not really sure where i'd go with it.

the reason i chose to do a shrewpaw au was because shrewpaw's death closed off a story option. when shrewpaw died, squirrelpaw's romantic interests were realigned. so by letting him live, i had an avenue to continue the story down.

however, swiftpaw and snowkit don't provide the same avenue for a story. letting them live doesn't open a previously closed door or change how a plot would play out wait.

wait.

i take it back: this is what i'd do for a snowkit au.

we open on bracken...paw? probably brackenpaw. his mentor sucks. fireheart mentors him, his sister gets hurt, etc., etc.

then! then. speckletail's kit. snowkit. and brackenfur is just like that, he's just a good guy! like that, so he starts hanging out and he wants to mentor him.

and he does! and that means that he gets to be deputy instead of...maybe greystripe? but more likely brambleclaw.

yes. that is what i would do in a snowkit au.

see what i mean about opening new avenues? swiftpaw in particular feels like a dead end to me, i just can't find a way to get his story to open up a new idea, which is a shame, because i do think there's a lot of potential.

but right now, i'd get the same drama by just writing some canon compliant brightpaw one-shots, y'know?

<3

[rupertgayesarchive]

That ask and your answer about what if Sam was out of hunting and never left Stanford because Gabriel wanted to stop the apocalypse and threw him into a pocket dimension and I’m like. Obsessed. primarily with gabriel and how Sam would go.

I think he would stick Sam in a like… you remember when Zachariah stuck sam and dean in the office job and it was a parallel universe but also it was real life? like coplanar planes, I think Gabriel would elect to do that instead of his you’re going in my alternate universe, because it’s less detail consuming and I think Sam would notice small things that were off like how he figured out it was him in mystery spot.

You said Sam deserves to have the apple pie life but if he was comfortable with that it wouldn’t like.. work he wouldn’t be ready to ever confront Lucifer or anyone. i agree but also I don’t think he would stick with his normal life. like in the zachariah episode he had a normal life and fake memories of that but he still wanted to hunt and help people and also figure out wtf was happening. I think in this scenario Sam would still be psychic because I love that but Gabriel would probably try like… suppressing his visions and such, because they would lead him back into possible angel business. I think he’d still get little snippets because that’s fun and having reminders in that that the supernatural like.. exists and ppl are getting hurt, I think that would overrule his want of complete normalcy and even his spite toward John.

I don’t think he’d go back into hunting like, completely because I want him to have something good and also be semi well adjusted. but like we saw in the terrible life episode I think he’d like.. if he got bored and started looking up strange deaths well now he has to go help them!!

also it is sooo fun to me if he starts realizing something is wrong but he doesn’t know what. like in mystery spot I love that trope sooo fucking much also in s1 sam gets back into hunting through John Winchester style revenge quest and I want to give him a reason to start poking around that is like.. for himself and not anybody else. he can have a little obsession over it as a treat because i like seeing him be a bitch <3

i think initially when Gabriel found out the apocalypse was like in motion and Sam was at Stanford he’d have an opportunity there to do something without revealing to other players that he is alive because he was pretending to be a trickster. like he’s very much in this for self preservation and if he did some time traveling shenanigans, or disappearing both Winchesters and maybe even Adam out of nowhere, I think he’d worry that the angels would take notice. Randy your vessels!! But Stanford gives him a natural window to hide a key player. he needs to do away with Adam too so Lucifer can’t possibly have a true vessel to fight.. maybe he can kill him in a freak accident because I find that funny. sorry this is long and it will be getting longer

anyway I think as time went on Gabriel would pay like less meticulous attention. he’d still keep away like key players but as other people also started trying to stop the apocalypse he would become more relaxed also he’d be overconfident in himself like in changing channels. I think this would lead sam to notice more stuff that just doesn’t make any sense and maybe start looking for dean or even his dad, or going out of his way to look for hunts. maybe get involved in magic because i think he deserves to be a witch. wait actually that’s how he should find Dean. i think Gabriel would hide Dean from Sam and vice versa, and he didn’t foresee Sam using magic or anything. Also at this point it’s been years and I think Sam is more invested in this than his like… normal life. he’s more well adjusted but I can definitely see him just impulsively quitting his job to figure out what the fucks happening. Also I think he’d feel animosity at dean during this for not being there and not helping him, even though that anger doesn’t make complete sense. sorry i like the early seasons salmon dean reconciling and learning to like each other and sam realizing Your Parents Are People and I would like to see it with them having like, completely different lives and also some fun miscommunication bc of Gabriel. also sam having to reconcile dean having cas OHRHDHJ also dean and cas trying horribly to cover cas being not human is so fucking fun to me. unless this happens during a cas is dead time period which is fun in a different evil way.

I also think dean would only stop looking if he though Sam was dead, but I think… Gabriel might have hidden him but other people ARE still meeting him even with like altered memories. so I think angels or something can sense that Sam is alive but they don’t know where and I think they’d gloat and use it to taunt dean that he is like.. suffering while his brother is living a perfect normal life. Also because this adds another miscommunication that can be discussed and end in reconciliation in a way I don’t think would feel contrived and is in line with it the characters. it’d be Amelia s8 but Sam would be like (Sam voice) I did look for you!!! where were you when I needed you! also I want Sam to find out John died and he’s in absolute despair while cas is standing there like oh yes that’s so awful your father was an. absolutely a man😔😐🏳️‍🌈

idk when this would occur and i think every season offers like… different flavors of enjoyment for an audience of just me. like s7 proto widower arc?? Sam reconnecting with Dean during TMWWBK when he is not familiar with the dean and cas dynamic and has to be witness to Trying So Hard To Be Loyal. additionally that would be fun because bobby is there and dean is like, covering his ears and back talking bobby regarding cas. and if they’ve taken pains to hide cas being an angel Sam being like .who is this to Dean. is suchhh a fun concept.

WAIT post goodbye stranger. or maybe Sam can show up pre goodbye stranger to watch dean go from clingy after cas gets back from purgatory to wrongfooted to like ANGRY. well not Angry… to dean having dean emotions. when cas is off with the tablet ignoring him and he feels betrayed. and this Sam isn’t as close to him so he doesn’t know ANY details until Dean stats divulging them as they reconcile. ALL GOOD OPTIONS..

also if this happens during s6 i think it would be nice if cas started collecting allies, and at the same time as Sam trying to figure out what was keeping him away from dean and the angel business Cas could figure it out FIRST and use Gabriel as an ally against Raphael but he’d feel like he has to hide it from dean and sam. like in this scenario. actually any time I talk about s6 hypotheticals Cas’ conflict IS the A Plot. the Winchester’s were on a side quest idc. s6 is a fun time for these reasons but i don’t like it as much because Cas is still in the process of like.. formative development.

okay one last thing I’m SOOO sorry for my essay. you said if Sam was dispossessed the apocalypse would just.. not happen. i agree to like, a certain degree, because I do think they could have found another way but all of them would have been dust compared to swan song. so maybe Gabriel semi succeeded but instead of stopping the apocalypse he just… prolonged it. this changes a lot but if either Michael or Lucifer didn’t have a viable vessel I think the angels would scramble to actually for real stop the apocalypse but others would still want it to happen even if it was like.. Perfect they just want it to be over. this provides angel politics which I am in love with and we can still have like TMWWBK development for cas. I don’t know where I’m going with this sorry

op this is a lot, this is so much. i love it, i hope you have a google doc open somewhere and are typing away furiously.

now i didn't rewatch a lot of spn past s3 (surprise) in part bc i can't handle the brain damage and some scenes are seared into my cerebral cortex in a way that induced a temporary bout of eidetic memory, meaning i'll never forget the crypt scene in Goodbye Stranger for as long as i live. that being SAID, my s6-s7 knowledge is not as firmly coalesced. so because of that i'm letting your thoughts roam free as i don't know how accurate my own takes would be? but i feel like without sam there, like... hm. would dean even be the same person... would the past however many seasons even OCCUR remotely similar with sam out of the picture for literal years? we might be looking at a completely different world at that point.

my other theory is that the s2 plot of special children - we know azazel was raising a new 'crop' of psychic kids. i think that was a plot thread that they ended up dropping anyway, but if they didn't i do wonder if we'd be dealing with a lot more shenanigans like in s1 and s2 except with kids? and dean and cas trying to figure out what to do with these young psychics that might be turned into a vessel for lucifer or - whatever they wanted to do with those kids. hm.

i also question if purgatory would be a thing. like it probably would come up and be on the table, but maybe the godstiel arc wouldn't, bc if like you're saying dean and cas are together at this point, like. cas might have grown to love humanity (not just dean but like 99% dean) to the point where he might not be doing this risky gambit for more souls. and if gabriel is still around, cas may start petitioning gabe to help throw his archangel weight around against raphael while he tries to do the actual strategizing.

i think sam would still have his visions, like you said, and then maybe those lead him to dean or to a case that dean is also on? or if angels are more well-known later on, he tracks one down, maybe cas, maybe not (if it's NOT and it's one that works on raphael's side. ohoho. the possibilities...)