#bc theres a lack of context as original characters

[rolledcabbage]

first honkai star rail post and its a localization thing oops. not negative exactly but a bit rambly

i dont play genshin so idk if this is a mhy thing, but is it just me or is the english translation really good in lore parts but mid if not sometimes just... bad in regular dialogue?

theres this thing in spoken dialogue where characters refer to someone else by their name instead of "you" when theyre speaking directly to them (eg. saying "mr yang is so smart!" to mr yang himself), or the ever-hated by americans "big sis", which is definitely a case of directly translating the form of address from the original chinese version where this is totally common and normal, or maybe the translators dont even know the full context of the line (ie they dont know if its a conversation with that person or if theyre talking about them with someone else) and end up having to sound stiffer to avoid a total mistranslation.

this smells of "lack of time to actually see the whole conversation play out in its entirety in QA" to me which is like... its a game with a LOT of dialogue including throwaway npc lines and theyre on a simultaneous live service schedule so its not NOT understandable, but every time i see it im like "this could be fixed so easily by having march say 'you're so smart, mr yang!' instead" and get mildly annoyed

this problem kind of carries over to the english voiceover too since the voice actors dont get to see the scene in full, let alone hear the lines of the other characters in the conversation. some lines sound like they are positively winging it bc they dont know if theyre talking to the guy directly or not, or theyre very confidently voicing it as if theyre NOT talking to them directly bc thats not how people usually talk in english. its not even a "we had to match the mouth flaps" problem thats common in a lot of games and anime, bc each language has custom mouth flaps that match the voiced lines (which is really impressive)!

this problem is almost completely nonexistent in the japanese version btw due to japanese using peoples names/titles to address each other even MORE naturally than chinese in everyday speech. the japanese version has its own problems of stiff translations where they either use the kanji equivalent of the chinese words (星核 for stellaron) or katakana (ガーデンオブリコレクション for garden of recollection) and its not always consistent which one they go for which makes it sound kinda weird but thats not the point of this post

the english lore parts however are good. the simulated universe aeons for example are really well written. crucially there is no direct dialogue with aeons (afaik) and most things are descriptive, so theres no "who are they addressing rn?" problem since theyre like "yaoshi is...". or maybe the translators are just better at descriptive texts than dialogue! that happens!

i like the english translation most of the time, and sometimes more than the japanese one due to the problem above (english doesnt need to pick between languages! its english!) so lore terms sound more consistent and cohesive. and the english voices are really nice, i like dan heng and sampo and aventurine and clara a lot for example. but sometimes its really obvious that the voice actors were more clueless than they shouldve been which takes away from the immersion a little unfortunately

wow that was too long but yeah i completely understand the reasons behind this so i dont blame the translators themselves at all. so my conclusion is GIVE YOUR TRANSLATORS MORE CONTEXT AND TIME TO WORK! YOURE ONE OF THE RICHEST GAME COMPANIES IN THE WORLD

[mediocre-noodle]

OKAY SO: headcanons

these can get kinda dark/angsty. seriously. however, its all discussional and only mentioned.

tw: suicidal thoughts/actions, mentioned suicides, mentioned depersonalization/derealization, mentioned self-sacrifices, “implied” depression (its canon atp—bc it is), spiraling, lack of preservation/being reckless due to suicidal thoughts (mentioned)

dont worry about the TWs aha— most of the time, he is fine. he is healing. he will get his happy not-ending. oh, why didnt i say ending? his existence won’t end… :]

remember how i said i made dallas in the middle of mcu hyperfix? i have mcu specific headcanons/interactions. not a lot but. yk. i also have a folder for “various multiverses” which is just fandoms + DSU (Dallas Striker Universe) i havent done a lot of expanding on

ANYWAYS ONTO THE HEADCANONS ->

bc of the differing time systems in each universe, dallas often asks for the date.

“—no, i knows its thursday, what’s the DATE. cool, cool— and the year?? we’re in 2018??!! holy shit, y’all are behind.” (context: mcu)

because dallas travels the multiverse, dallas IS aware of our earth. its called ‘the core’ (core universe) for short— needs a real universe name system. but this means theyre also aware that they are a character made by me. they think its cool but also existential crisis?? (they are kinda fond of me. i know i made it that way shhh i just want a brother figure)

dallas often has issues telling whats real

like MAJOR derealization and depersonalization issues/episodes. will breakdown, dissociate, have panic attack, etc

he often sacrifices himself or takes the blow or someone else because he knows he won’t die. it traumatizes everyone else though.

examples: (MCU) the snap so tony wouldn’t die (idk enough about natasha or bruce), (HTTYD) getting between toothless and hiccup faster so stoic didn’t die, taking bullets/blows/spells/etc.

when dallas’ body dies, it fades into particles like in genshin (without the weird falling thing) but hes still there. it can materialize again if dallas wants or not. if dallas exhausted himself too much , itll take a bit longer. most of the time, it takes maybe a min (because dallas normally dies during fights so he has to get back to help faster)

after his respawn, people will notice something… off about his body though. did he always have that scar? why are his eyes so bright?? why is his skin slightly glowing? the light around his head oddly looks like a halo if you focus.. huh. (other times, dallas might come back in full ascended form, 6 wings and covered in Eyes, fuckin cryptid bitch. scares the crap outta people who don’t expect the unexpected.)

teleport mechanic looks like black swan (hsr) except taht its gold and not wind(anemo) colored

yes dallas can shape shift yes dallas can sound like hatsune miku and mickey mouse and copy other peoples (and animals) voices PERFECTLY because he can physically change his larynx/voice box

recites memes in the exact way the original is

makes cosplays easier. and pranks.

imagine its pitch black and all you hear is: *dish shatters* *in the voice of shaggy* sHIT—

“*spongebob meme voice* 3 hours later” “oh, for fucks sake, dallas—“

gets sleep-deprived easy. cannot pull all-nighters— will kill someone. /hj

says odd shit when tired.

they say odd shit anyways but it gets worse/no filter when tired

dallas knows every language bc he’s old (multi-dimensional being. a cryptid.)

also interacting with the worlds They watch isnt common btw. dallas is just lonely. he has seraphina and aji but he wants to help the eyeless.

like you See everything!! congrats! you know how that mother cried for her son after he died and that dog whining in the shelter and that family on the streets and the party being thrown in this house and that kid is being adopted and theres another corrupt government and more human experimentation and look at that, capitalism is ruining this world too-

it gets to be too much sometimes. so he tries to fix things. it wont fix that world’s original timeline, but at least it’s something.

in the first few decades after his death when dallas’ mental health was fucking terrible— err The Worst ig bc he had to accept that he was dead and most his friends are basically dead or that he’d never get to see them again— he did attempt to take his life several times. it never worked because he physically cannot die (aka Stay Dead).

and whenever dallas hits a rough spot, he tends to get even more reckless and self-sacrificial than normal. (hes pretty reckless to begin w bc he cant die. better him than someone else, right?)

he acts happy and energetic, but he feels stuck in a never-ending spiral of Nothing and Everything. doing his job to guide the multiverse is hard when each universe is Fucked Up. he’s tired.

again again again and again do it again do it again /lyr / over and over and over and over and over and over /lyr

fun fact: i decided to give him peace so the first universe he went into after Ascending is Hermitcraft. its peaceful. he got a lot of healing done there. he visits often.

dallas striker is such a sad character dude WHY DO YOU DO THISSSSSSS

i mean at least hes getting better!!! he is healing!!!!

also the sleep thing is so real hes literally me

[hircines-hunter]

from context i'll suppose you've played Dragon's Dogma, can you tell me a bit about what's it about? i just saw i have it in my Steam library and i'm curious about it

You start off in your small fishing town. Theres news of the dragons attack. (He comes back every 70ish years or so). Well, your small town gets attacked by the dragon. You try to fight the giant lizard by yourself as everyone runs. You managed to stab a tiny sword in his hand. The dragon admires your tenacity and steals your heart. Thus beginning your long and epic journey to defeat the dragon as the Arisen. You have died and are revived by dragon magic, hence your title Arisen. You get to create a Pawn, who is in service to you. They lack personalities to some extent. They listen, they obey, they follow. Your goal is to get your heart back. But will it all be worth it?

You have 3 major vocations to choose from, mage (staff) strider (daggers, bow) and fighter (shield and sword). They do effect you stats as time progresses, but it’s not a lot. You can change your vocations at the inn. Expanded vocations include sorcerer (more magic, bigger staff), warrior(two handed weapons) and ranger (longbow, daggers). The Arisen is able to get mixed/dual vocations that your pawns cannot. They are magick archer, mystic knight, and assassin.

I love climbing on enemies so I often choose strider at the beginning because you get the biggest boost to stamina. In my originally Xbox game my arisen could run from the starter town to almost the canyon in one stamina bar at max level.

I mostly play as Magick archer bc it’s honestly the best. Mystic knight is secondary choice. Usually I keep my pawn as warrior but lately I’ve been playing with him as a sorcerer.

You can recruit 2 more pawns that other players have created. I usually have mixed party. I play archer build so, I grab a sorcerer, a mage, and either a fighter or warrior. It’s good to have mixed parties to help with certain enemies. Some are weak to magic and others to physical.

Your pawns learn by being by your side. You can teach them more with scrolls. But the more quests they do the more they learn. The more enemies they fight, the more they learn. (Except my pawn, 400 hours and Ari still wants to murder everything in Bitter Black Isle).

You get to meet an array of wonderful characters. You can technically woo any character in game. You can give them your ring at some point. (In dark arisen EP in guarantees your romantic choice, in the OG It means nothing, best to talk to your beloved one last time before you head to the great wall).

It’s a really fun and really great game. Hence my handle Arisen-licious. It was a play on Arisen and Delicious from the dragons POV.

It does have its flaws. The main quest is a bit confusing sometimes and doesn’t always point you in the right direction (they’ve fixed some of this with the EP dark arisen). But not everything. Even with its flaws, it’s great! Move been playing it since it came out (both dragons dogma and Skyrim) they’re about 6months apart. Fast travel is not as good as other games. But if you get port crystals, you can put them anywhere on the map.

There is some modding available for the game. I mostly just have some texture upgrades. But there are armor mods and god mode cheats.

[cryptturon]

so lately theres been an AI controversy in the anime community: no ones defending western localizers from being replaced bc theyve been making fans upset by shoving completely unrelated politics into the subtitles

i.e. a character could straight up just be like. "i wanna wear something fancy" and the subs apparently become something along the lines of "i gotta look as gay as possible to piss that guy off" [dramatized]. similar queer and feminist sentiments have propped up where there were none in the scene's original text

the reason i find this funny is bc the biggest one ive seen this happen to is dragon maid. like. the questionable ecchi dragon girl anime. and the localizer was trying to make the most sexualized big-titted character speak for feminism like. very wrong place at the right time. it's an important thing to talk about but not while doing a job that's done best with accuracy and none of your personality and ideas popping out

the one people are Fine with are dubs bc theyre already commonly accepted to not only speak the text in english but to Feel like it's An English Version of the original text + people really love when memes get in there. subs are, fairly enough to me, not given this freedom bc theyre understood to be purely making the original text understandable but mostly unchanged

anyway it seems these AI subs dont even meet the quality of fansubs and professionally done official subs so its not like people even really want the AI lol its really like. a combination of decent standards for translation quality and just a tad bit of the typical anime space bigotry giving it more attention.

the unfortunate part of all this is how very few people are going against the change and making it abt how much they dislike the localizer's work, rather than advocating for stricter localization standards. they seem too focused on being really bigoted abt it rn and seem to have sentiments that say these people brought it upon themselves which is always. always a bad mindset to have about this

of course i feel like fansubs have consistently been good, except they can also be prone to exhibiting the translator's agenda! the point of official subs is to safeguard from this, but instead the perspective that "it's fine if it's progressive" is really fuckin stupid. both of yall just gotta make it accurate to the context of the text. THATS why we also cant have AI because it lacks an understanding of the context

[transgenderdragons]

mushroom sly backstory!!!!!!! tw for general gross fungi shit, kinda body horror-y, etc

Some Guy, in ye olden times, is just fuckin around with fungi and makes this crazy powerful fungi! the ultimate life form!

it eats him

(not really lol)

it takes over his body and uses him as a vessel to spread to lots of other people

(since obvi no one at this time has special healing powers like sly, the fungi reaches the Brain Controlling point pretty fast)

the fungi basically decimates the town

a few brave survivors manage to kill everyone who was infected, the fungi on them kinda just. dissolves away

except the originally infected guy. idk why maybe bc he was the first one to be taken by the fungi so its like,,,, hardier or something

(hes basically dead but the fungi still seems healthy)

they smash his head into a pulp and bury him

"Phew! Thank goodness that's over with" they say! "No one will ever be infected by this thing again!"

BA DUM TSS

cue mr beewell. obviously hes only tryna dig up graves with mellified people in them so. i think there somethin weird about Some Guy's grave

maybe the soil looks weird or theres faint glowing mycellium or smthn idk im not the fungi expert. either way sly digs this guy up

the guy is completely covered in the fungi, but it looks very dead even tho it prob still has a faint glow

sly, being the genius he is, decides to partake in exactly Zero extra safety precautions and load this bad boy into his truck

because this thing looks weird and is potentially magic!

he takes the guy back to home base, unloads it somewhere, prob pokes and prods it a little before he hits the fucken hay

since the fungi needs about an hour of contact to spread, im saying he was just Sciencing long enough to catch the fungi. or he took a bite

however im also saying that since the fungi was mostly dead, there was no actual physical evidence of him catching it before he went ta sleep.

(no little mushrooms no weird patches etc)

so hes oblivious until he wakes up

he wakes up. notices some weird textures on his skin. turns on the lights and finds a mirror

what the fuck

theres patches of mycellium shit everywhere! and some baby mushrooms also

hes probably freaked out, he tries all the obvious methods of removing stuff, etc

calls up taylor eventually

[CUE CROWD CHEERING]

taylor time!!!!!!!!!! he also has no idea what to do. if this au intersects with mothboy au(prob not because its just. a Lot at once but its a cute idea) then they figure out eventually that t cant catch it. if its just Normal T then he just. wears gloves, probably a mask as well just in case of spores

they probably do some research, maybe t takes some samples for a lab, etc

at some point, maybe later in the day or the next day, sly is probably not having a great time bc those mushrooms are getting bigger and the patches have prob shifted a bit

GOOP TIME

as ive mentioned, the goops is kinda triggered by strong emotions. so hes just kinda secreting it rn.

gross

tub time!!!!!!!!!! hes like WHAT THE FUCK

probably calls t again

idk they just spend a lot of time researching and isolating. together #lovewins #slay

and at some point. evil grin. goodbye eyeball

prob starts with a film over slys right eye. kinda weird, a little concerning cuz it doesnt seeme to be coming off but. the mycellium patches always kinda shift around anyways + hes literally had Goop secreting out of his eyes before so.

hes in denial mode bc its Fine, actually, and also there's no good way to remove it other than shaving off any growth around the eye as best as he can

he wakes up in the middle of the night bc something feels wrong

everything looks kinda weird. a little off, like somethings missing

there is a giant clump of mushrooms growing out of his eye.

[LAUGH TRACK]

ok i think thats all for tonight folks!!!!!!!!!!!! uhh if any of this seems lacking in context any other info can be found in my mushroom sly tag 👍if u have any input/think this is out of character/etc lemme know ^_^

[dateamonster]

A weird thought that kind of hung out in my head for a while that is sort of relevant to this blog's theme, but also kind of isn't, but I'm honestly not sure, but I have no better place to dump it into, so whatever. Feel free to ignore this if you're not interested >>

Yautja. Predators. However you want to call them. They have a very particular, hunting and honor-centric cultural mindset. But. What would it be like for someone in their culture to just... not be into that? There are people who are basically entirely averse to romance, in spite of how central it is in our culture, so how would some who is, uh... akynig, not interested in hunting? And how would such a person, perhaps, adapt to another society, lacking this aspect of Yautja culture but carrying across many others?

The worldbuilding nut in me is always excited about those things but it is a very rare opportunity to discuss it in any manner >>

i dont rly know anything abt the predator film franchise so i cant rly add much but i do enjoy the idea of like. alien cultures and what that means for the individuals within that culture.

idk how comparable this is but i was just recently watching a video that was talking abt the ferengi from star trek and how upon their original introduction they were kinda this one note species because their sole characteristic was being a hyper capitalistic culture built around hoarding wealth, but in deep space 9 we start to actually see individual ferengi characters outside the context of this monolithic cultural concept and come to understand that their greed is not like some innate personal trait but the result of the values and demands of ferengi society.

theres def a larger discussion to be had abt the way a lot of popular scifi tends to narrow entire planets worth of people down to singular traits and how thats kind of a major weakness when it comes to like world building and imagining alternate societies, but when thats a thing the franchise is already doing it does open up an interesting avenue of like, how many ppl within this culture actually share this valued trait? how many are just going along with it bc its what you do? how many have so deeply internalized it that even if removed from this society and its rules they would unconsciously mirror it? is there a space for counter-culture in this world?

it seems like itd be harder to analyze stuff like that in the context of predator movies tho since, from my limited understanding, it seems like the yautja were at least originally designed simply according to what would make them serve best as a scary antagonist. i do think its cool tho that there seem to be a lot of fans who are trying to give their species more depth and complexity than the source material affords them. again tho im probably missing a lot of actual context lol.

[maskspurpose]

anon asked: what exactly makes you like wataei? super big fan but i always have trouble answering this question, since their relationship is unexpectedly loaded and there’s a lot to love about it, at least to me… my explanations always end up sounding incoherent and crazy. lol does this happen to you too or are you able to define what draws you into them comprehensibly and succinctly?

OH MAN. okay for me personally a lot of what originally drew me to it came down to just liking wataru and eichi individually? like i STARTED with a huge interest in and instant understanding of the fact that wataru is a character i was going to really like no matter what and from there i like. got really into the stories and dynamics and so on... um a couple reasons i can think of are like

their relevance to each other, in the sense that eichi is one of the most important people in wataru's life and perhaps the one with the biggest influence on wataru as a character in general. its a relationship i would care a lot about even if it wasnt one i thought of as explicitly romantic (trying to think of an equivalent and like... wataru's relationships towards tori or natsume are ones i care about a LOT because of how they matter to each other and the ways in which theyve influenced each other but i wouldn't call it a ship?)

 i'd never call myself an eichiP but i am absolutely a wataruP and in that context i ultimately find their dynamic compelling. the way we are able to see how theyve grown from element to their relationship now in es2 and honestly just how influential eichi has been for wataru. eichi has ultimately been the reason wataru went through a bit of a personality revamp between his second and third year and it's his relatonship to eichi that made wataru choose to continue to be an idol. idk. wataru who, at the end of element, said farewell to the only friends hes ever known (unsuccessfully, but i think his intent was there in the moment and thats what matters) told eichi in ep:link that he'll stay with him no matter what. like its. huge. 

i also think theyre funny together. like theres just something about them thats really funny to me. they like each other and they like having fun together and yes that may involve idk bullying tomoya or forcing keito and tatsumi to run an exorcism on the haunted house MOSTLY because tori will get really scared. like theyre funny because theyre both crazy in a way where i think the only other people who can get involved in that have to also be crazy. thus, wataeiyuzu 

i also like the influence their relationship inevitably has on literally every single other relationship in their lives, like its... something with influence and an impact and that impact may be wataru having to fight for her life in the eccentrics groupchat bc she posted a pic from their most recent date or something but like. again its like... their decision to be together is something with a lot of like tangible effects in the story and from that perspective alone its something i like to explore even when i write about other relationships because it feels like such a monumental aspect of wataru and eichis lives that you just kinda have to. i dislike arguments about like whether or not you Should ship something because its "basically canon" because thats imo a stupid argument but i do also feel like... leaving out wataei when talking about other significant relationships eichi or wataru have often makes those discussions feel like theyre lacking bc it leads people to ignore or retcon the stuff that is actually In The Stories. 

um this is a tiny essay.... hi.

 [Smile or comment on the answer here]

[banavalope]

i think im in love with amadeus! can you tell us more about them?

amadeus is a little weird, they're an oc with a (vaguely written) self-contained story, and also a fan character whenever i feel the devil take me over, so the details about them are almost intentionally open-ended because they adapt as necessary to whatever situation i put them in. That all being said, when Amadeus is just floating around there untethered inside my imagination, they still have some consistent details I could probably stitch together for you.

Amadeus is based on being a personified wishing star, so are just space themed in general with other concepts mixed in for fun, like a lot of alien lifeform tropes and having some android traits, most to do with their microphone (they’re 100% deaf without it, in practical function its a magical and convoluted hearing aid that their voice also comes out, all of that only when it’s connected. They are narrated by Jack Black.), but I wouldn’t call them inhuman. I also bounce between gender-neutral and masculine pronouns for them, I don’t think either are incorrect.

In any given situation, I always imagine Amadeus as "not from wherever they are currently located". Generally speaking, they're always from space, somewhere within our galaxy, though not anywhere in specific. Literally just not from here.

They also change colors based on YOUR mood if its intense enough, you know like a mood ring. Positive energy really gasses them up so they try to be the guy that makes you smile and feel your best.

When they aren't being adapted to fit another narrative, I imagine Amadeus was once in a band as the lead vocalist until it broke up, and now they're a solo rock star who tours around the milky way performing for other extraterrestrial societies. They love being a performer and making music for other people, because music is what makes people daydream, it's a motivator in the pursuit of your goals, and it's universal. The feeling of people wanting to achieve and reaching for their goals is essential energy to Amadeus as a sort of wishing star, so they don't want to stop making their art despite knowing full well that they, themselves, work best as part of a group and wanting to be in a band again. They're going through MASSIVE burnout as a result of overworking themselves, but aren't ready or willing to admit that yet.

They get forced into a situation that makes them take a break after getting stranded on an earthish planet and end up meeting their mutual pining interest at the same time. their name is informally Glendale, the concept of time and function of Death in a Terry Pratchett kind of way. They’ve also got their own shit going on too, but the two of them are healing together.

thank u for asking u )< u

[enderspawn]

It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

[gayregis]

1/2 ngl i think many western witcher book fans make the series out to be way more progressive than it actually is. part of it is mistranslation ofc, like for example with the 'man was not made for monogamy' bit where the use of singular man is rlly misleading and it should be "a man" or "men aren't" bc originally it's just dandelion being a sexist cheating dick and not some openminded progressive the way ive seen this interpreted sometimes, But

2/2 there's a lot of plainly bad takes out there that i feel are partially an issue of just worldviews and circumstances. like obv its not some Enormous difference and im not saying that "hurr durr westerners Bad and Stupid" or whatever but in regard to stuff like lgbt issues or coding or feminism ive seen so many bonkers horrible takes that like. with my experience as a closeted polish trans homo are truly fucking concerning in how naive they are

(fucking 3/2 bc i can't count) but like. just from the top of my head the godawful girlboss femdom #feminism shit ppl pull with yennefer bc they cant admit shes not all that well written and that shes borderline abusive at times, people trying to make sapkowski out to be pro-lgbt which is fucking baffling with the blatant homophobic storylines/writing, the "GERALT IS CODED X" shit when hes a blatant cishet whiteman power/oppression fantasy rolled up in one like. idk im really tired and its a lot

(4/2 ok i SWEAR im done im sorry) like. i think what im trying to say is that i feel like theres a lot of like. kinda rose-colored-glasses type of naivety and a lack of understanding of how the general reality of life for women, lgbt people etc. is way different in poland and further east than it is in the states or britain or even fucking germany, so people just take very blatant bigotry and uncritically try to twist it to fit their western uwu pseudofeminism and whatnot

no, LITERALLY THIS. i think [mostly western] progressives on tumblr especially want and long to see  progressive messages or representation where there simply are not any, or where the messages that are there are largely milquetoast centrist and not actually saying anything radical. (this post i made is more specific to an aspect topic but it voices some of my opinions on it)

i think it’s of course fine to have separate interpretations of the characters / rewritten characters in your mind that you appreciate, but in order to do that you need to engage with the source material and acknowledge the reality of what is written on the page (for instance, what you said about yennefer being a #girlboss when in canon she struggles with characterization at times and especially in the short stories comes off poorly, almost abusive, and her and geralt’s relationship is definitely not some kind of #goals). 

i think that there are some redeeming features and it’s not all bad, everything is very grey - for instance, sapkowski wrote yennefer poorly when it came to her first introduction to ciri, but then her training of ciri that immediately follows it is much better. and geralt is a power fantasy in his heterosexuality and protagonist-isms, but spends the saga in turmoil over trying to protect ciri because he’s a good father. everything kind of blends together and does not just mean ONE thing only, because it’s understandable by many people. for instance, geralt being mopey and upset that he’s abnormal can be related to by MANY different types of people. 

i think the issue is when people state that characters are definitely “coded” one way or another (not like, actual canon relationships, like saying ciri is gay because she had relations with mistle... that’s a can of sapkowski-worms for another day... i’m saying, for example, arguing that dandelion is intended to be coded as gay because he wears colorful clothes or something like this). i don’t think it’s very valuable at all to look at the content and say “sapkowski intended THIS,” because i don’t find much value in what mr. centrist sells-the-rights-to-netflix had to say. i find value in what you have to say, personally, and what it means to you. 

sorry to speak about my minor again for like 0.2 seconds (it’s relevant) but it reminds me a lot of posts on here about ancient greece or rome that are like “ancient greeks and romans were GAY, we have ALWAYS BEEN HERE!!” like you really want to claim kinship with the violent imperialists who practice pedastry...? or posts claiming that X female figure, such as sappho, was a feminist. we call it an anachronistic interpretation: it’s a completely different time period, context, culture, and intention than what we understand in a modern sense. you can’t project your modern and western culture onto ancient greece and rome, because they are ancient societies.

similarly, i don’t think that you can take american feminism from 2020 and apply it to a fantasy series written by a polish man in the 1990s. you may reinterpret the characters how you so choose, of course you will have favorite characters and appreciate specific ones for specific things... but you cannot say that sapkowski’s intentions were specifically this or that as you understand them yourself in your own life, and you cannot do this with very many authors unless you are the author yourself. 

specifically for the witcher because as you said, there is a cultural misunderstanding: “[a] type of naivety and a lack of understanding of how the general reality of life for women, lgbt people etc. is way different in poland and further east than it is in the states or britain or even fucking germany.”  

i think in the english-speaking progressive social media circles currently for a few years there has been this very big hyperfocus on good representation for people of color, for women, for lgbt people, and in this quest for representation many are willing to overlook blatant bigotry in hopes of claiming another character ‘for the gays’ or whatever. for example dandelion hating on yennefer in a little sacrifice because she is old - i’m pretty sure sapkowski didn’t write this because he intended it to be like dandelion is gay and jealous of her! you can headcanon that if you like, but don’t claim that’s what it is and nothing else, because you need to acknowledge the misogyny present there.

i think it’s dangerous because you end up parading the original content around like it’s fantasic and progressive when it’s really not. i encourage people to have lgbt headcanons if they choose, but you really shouldn’t be saying it was sapkowski’s 100% intention to make this character X or Y because you really must take the writing into context with the author’s biases, life, culture, setting...

[lemongogo]

In the chapter where shigaraki's abt to wake up and his family tries to stop him from accepting afo, is it like explained where do they come from? Like are they ghosts? Hallucinations? If it's the latest would it mean tomura is aware that his family would not want him to do that, or is it like thoughts from his own subconscious? Is he trying to reject his own doubts abt afo or his dead loved one's will?

i keep typing it out over and over in the hopes that my wording will be more concise but . HAFJKDS ive spent more time on this than i hoped 2 so hopefully. this is understandable SKSKF

but !! i think it’s a mix of both, honestly. i don’t know if bnha has ever established an afterlife outside of one for all, but i don’t think its out of the realm of possibility. the way that his dreamscape is constructed leads me to believe that the first half, at least, is more subconscious representation and memories at play. for instance, much of the imagery is representative of conversations he’s had with nao and hana from ch.235 , all of which are exaggerated by hk in the way they’re portrayed (nao and kortaro being these huge figures, hana and part of the house floating in chunks of decay, etc). and it’s cool bc it’s almost as if we’re seeing him finally process them for the first time since he’s unlocked them in mla. seeing his responses are really. AAA :”( sad

however, the last few interactions they show of tomura with his family pulling him back suggest that maybe they are some form of conscious afterlife?? i think at least hm. especially given the context of what was happening; how they were all sized relative to himself (unlike before) and consciously reflective of what was playing out in real time. idk something about shigaraki being clinically dead @ that point leads me to think that there was some active intervention involved. unless proper afterlife junk is only reserved to one for all , and its just applicable to nana. because the way that she looked at him once he made his decision was rly like. Seemed to be her actual self u know? and i guarantee that her connections between ofa and afo make her interactions w shig tangible

so yeah , it feels like an amalgamation of the two imo, with the first part being more shig’s memories and subconscious and the later being more like. ghosts in the sense that ur talking about (though it’s definitely open to interpretation 🤔)

as far as the meaning behind it , i personally think its a combination of resignation/fate played into all of afo's abuse and grooming whilst also being like . some internal .idk how 2 say but like. solemnity of lacking the familial support nd structure he needed when he was 5 yrs old nd reaching out for help. and the part that strikes me as interesting is that he didn’t rly show much rejection or reaction to when nao, hana, his grandparents, nana, etc. pulled him back but once kotaro appeared it was like. That was it you know. and i think seeing him again served as a reminder of what all for one and kotaro both instilled in him, which all turns back to that idea of him being resigned to his fate. in other words, being led to believe, for the past 15 yrs of his life, that what happened to him & his family that day was a result of him being “intrinsically evil” or like. "made to destroy”. which isnt True and anyone who read his origin Knows that , but he doesn’t know that. all he’s been taught to do is internalize his emotions and weaponize them in a way that has led to where he is now ,, including the acquisition of afo. its so messy 2 deconstruct but i get both of those vibes from what u mentioned. like a base rejection of his family’s will (though i’d argue he’s never had a chance to realize what they Are--fuck gran torino) through his affiliation to afo and afo’s teachings but also . some manifestation of his inner turmoil and callback to his childhood and inner desires.

AAH theres so much more i could say if this were like an open conversation but i hope thts not like. too confusing. i feel like my paragraphs r very much “yes but no but yes” ASJSKJ also here are some panels that i think r really important:

THIS AS FAR AS THE RESIGNATION GOES.. THE DONT REJECT WHO I AM ! DIES .. like he Literally believes this is who he Is and Was Meant to be , and that him following afo’s footsteps is inevitable. and required of him in a sense. like he feels that his affiliation with afo and afo’s quirk is who he is and htts. SO fucking sad wtf

AND ALSO LOOK AT . THE THING I WAS TALKING ABT KOTARO. LOOK AT HOW KOTARO IS EMERGING FROM AFO HIMSELF. i think subconsciously he’s aware of like the restrictions and the limitations of what all for one and kotaro have placed on him compared to his family (aka the ideas of being bad, destructive, etc) but . isnt that wild like. it was when he saw his dad , the one he associates w like. intentional decay nd like  . the switch in his life, that he rejects the rest .and interesting how its within all for one that kotaro comes from . and how shigaraki later says to hell with all for one’s intentions. GOD the msging is my favorite

and also nana . w how shes like. giving that final look as she’s decaying from the dreamscape. i believe w my full chest that’s the real nana . the one that midoriya is acquainted w bec of the ofa/afo bridge. AA I WANT MORE NANA & TOMURA INTERACTIONS PLSPLSPLS

i .combusts.implodes. dies. runs in2 traffic.want to talk about this chapter alone for the rest of my life i love it so os so much. i think its so revealing of his conflicts nd how they contribute to his character, both overall nd subliminally 

[kyu-bri]

Magia Rapport pt 2

@magiarapport​

August 24th prompt: What was your favorite event, and why? Is it because of gameplay or the story?

It’s hard to choose so I’m gonna just, gush a bit.

As you can probably tell I’m very biased toward the OG girls, I started Magia Record primarily because PMMM had become my new obsession and I wanted some sort of constant flow of content out of decade old anime lmao.

But another thing I think I hooked onto was Inu Curry’s writing. They really know Madoka Magica and aren’t afraid to really play with them- something the writers for a spin-off gacha game (as with most spin-off stories honestly) can be scared to do. Inu Curry made references, revealed secrets and built upon the story we already know- which lets be honest is what we always truly want from a spin-off series. Magia Record proper does this well by putting more magical girls into the world and letting us see things work out better for them than for the original cast, but what I really appreciated with this story was getting to see that old original cast get to get in on that, and these events managed to do that without watering them down any.

Under the cut is me going on for 3000 words about why I love these three events I’m so sorry. TL;DR at the very end-

I’ll go in release order,

A La Carte Valentine was one of the first if not THE first event I got in on. I was eager to bc 1 Gay Magical Girl Shit Guaranteed. And ofc 2 OG Cast participation.

I want to preface by saying I actually loved all the girls’ stories in this. I was very much still in a state of getting used to Iroha’s gang let alone trying to care about the secondary girls. I knew Tsukasa had this angsty Twins Separated At Birth Deal and liked seeing her home life (also I immediantly stanned Take. Regular well-meaning dude who has no idea whats going on just trying his best and hating his boss). I knew nothing about Ami except Cowgirl Meguca and getting the bulk of her personality in one short even I think really kept me from being absolutely sick of her, she’s just a cute silly teenage girl who could be in literally anything and I was able to just endearingly giggle at that. Hinano managed to do the heterosexual unrequited crush cliché without me groaning or missing any of her regular personality. Also was there a Ren part? I don’t remember because everything Ren does feels like a Soft Yuri Valentines Special. Also I love Momoko. Ok moving on to what I Really wanna talk about.

Madoka is genuinely my Least Cared About of the Holy Sextet. I don’t think she’s bad or even boring- Madoka has a depth to her character, like, really deep- but that’s not something ever really touched upon by the fandom. Even when people like her and make her the Heroine she’s Supposed to be, it’s usually in the context of “Girl who feels nothing but kindness and happy thoughts would cut off her right hand to feed to a hungry dog. Isn’t she so Good????”. And honestly, while I understand the point it was going to make, I wasn’t crazy about her sacrifice in the end of the series. (Team Homura “Rebellion Is Good Actually” ftw) All because I think that I’m an Adult Woman watching this like “You are 14yrs old and need to be home playing Sims and not sacrificing yourself for the greater good you stupid silly little baby girl”

So my point is here near all fan content I encounter tends to emphasize whats sort of my least favorite facet of Madoka. I don’t think she made the ‘wrong’ decision in the context she and the story were given, but it’s still a sad thing to show a depressed(!!!) insecure girl resolving to give away her very existence so that every other girl on earth has a chance to just Dream. Oh and they still usually die young. But that’s ok because then she takes them and lets them sleep peacefully forever in her Heaven Basement (Yes I am bitter stan Homura I would yank this savior complex infant girl out the sky too)

MY POINT BEING (The servers closing let me BLEED OUT ALL MY FEELINGS) This event did not do that!!! It made Madoka…….. EVERYTHING SHE SHOULD BE??? ALWAYS??? Showed her HOW WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO VIEW HER??? (Read: Happy and Alive and Confident at no foreboding or sacrifice of anyone else!!!!)

She is Sassy and Surrounded By Friends and Really Funny??? And we get this Ridiculous Oh My God On Crack metaphor about her being this all-powerful apocalypse bringing being which is representing her love for the universe through her Witch form of Wanting Everyone To Be Happy And Safe With Her??? And she still risks herself to save everyone as is her Thing to do but we get to have her do it without erasing her existence as a human being at the end and if that is not some GOOD SHIT????

Ok next:

NGL Sayaka’s (fav character, inarguable best girl, can u not tell) parts in MagiReco til like the last arc have always left me a bit disappointed. She was the only late comer of the OG girls from what I understand and it kind of gives her the air of what a lot of the second(/thirdary?) girls suffer from. You can tell the writers can’t even figure out a trope to apply her to to make her easy and two dimensional to write about so they just don’t know what to do. They definitely try to make up for it (especially in the anime which Praise Be but that’s probably Inu Currys doing) but she’s still lacking like, any of the depth of her personality. Which, I guess I could anticipate. Because most of the fandom tends to as well. (again)

Gonna stop complaining and get on with- That didn’t feel as much the case in her Valentine event. Sure it was still the same formula of “The Issue Is Kyosuke” but that didn’t play out as grueling as her personal story did with “Nine Episodes Of “The Issue Is Kyosuke””

There was one big glaring heart-aching detail of “Mami isn’t really there because SHES IN A FUCKING CULT RIGHT NOW” which kind of jarred the event out of the ho-hum silly valentines sidestory these events usually keep up.

Sayaka has this crisis about Doing Anything Meaningful With Kyosuke which we all know what That’s calling back to, but in this environment we get to have Kyoko come right up and be in a position with her to earnestly and affectionately Push Her To Do It. The lonely little tsundere bitch girl pushes her Not Friend to Give The Bastard The Gotdamn Chocolate Already and for a moment you can only think about What If’s and If Only’s. Sayaka’s is still the weakest of the threes stories in this event but it worked harder to show us different sides of the characters then 6 chapters of Another Story managed to do.

And then there’s fucking Homura.

I will be, eternally grateful for Kuro. As a character that becomes metaphorical for the 2D ways we initially viewed the feathers and just NPCs in games in general, and also like, giving Homura a friend she actually cares about that isn’t the tangled dark web of Bullshit she’s gotten tied up with Madoka in. Please ask me about all my AU’s where Kuro is Homuras first girlfriend.

Seeing Moemura in Magia Record has always been a bit surreal, we never really understand just what stage of Trauma this Homura is in because Multiverses Are Hell, but this event gives us a good chunk of a Homura who still has hope and faith both in the world and Madoka. Theres this wonder to her that while still bogged down by terrible experiences still has the energy to be Trying. And she sees a girl who used to be like her- which when you think about it is probably what Madoka saw in her- and she wants to help. Because Madoka helped her. And Madoka is the best thing in the universe and maybe Homura can be just a little bit closer to that.

Kuro is too far gone though, as is the reality frequently in this series, things don’t work out just because of circumstance. Kuro was a bullied, insecure little girl who realistically shouldn’t have had to become a rampaging monster because of it. We’re reminded of this being the reality of the Madoka universe. Homura, is reminded of this reality. Homura loses this one chance to bring hope into the world like Madoka brought hope into hers.

And then her story ties into the ending of Madoka’s. Madoka saves her life yet again, even as Homura continues to feel miserable and empty. But at least Madoka is with her. The girls then share a quiet, intimate Valentines together. And you sort of understand how Homura fell so far into the darkness that the only thing she was able to still care about and fight for was Madoka’s safety.

That shit slaps. It slaps you right in the heart and causes fucking bruising but then u want it to do it again because you’re masochistic and Meguca Is Suffering.

Anyway I hope Kuroe slaps our hearts more in season2

MOVING ON!!!!

~Nagisa’s Wish~

Ok, I don’t remember what got me so simp over Nagisa, I think it was the heart-aching irony that Mami adopts the witch that fucking ate her. But that is my baby now and I’d die for her. Fandom Charlotte whose pink and silly and loves her mom and is Mami’s cancer-riddled girlfriend is cool and all but she isn’t a tiny Halloweeny baby whose fucking bitter angry and manically obsessed with cheese due to PTSD.

I had saw a summary of Nagisa’s Wish reposted just to quickly explain Nagisa’s backstory, and as such immediately had to search out if that crazy ride was true- so I actually watched this whole event probably before I downloaded the game. It was surreal on its own but replaying it when it came to NA didn’t lessen it any- I got to process more of what I was witnessing and as result stanned Yu pretty hard.

I guess to explain my Emotions here, saving Yu for later- calls for me to just, describe who Nagisa is as a human being and my headcanons surrounding it all with what this event gave us. Whether you consider it canon or not it’s one version of events that we were given and that I am all for accepting.

Nagisa’s Mom was a celebrity, she could have been an actress though I also like the idea of her being an Idol. She met Nagisa’s Dad oh-so romantically and got knocked up- they very well could have been married but it doesn’t seem clear enough. He seems to have left too suddenly for legal matters like that. Nagisa is approximately 11, and while she seems to remember her Father, she doesn’t in the sense of having had a relationship with him or any feelings. Her Mother has to “explain” why he left, so Nagisa was probably still young even if not a baby. What I’m getting at here is the timeline for when Nagisa’s Mom Got Like That. Nagisa can remember her from before she was, and then says that she got sick after her Dad left. So what I’m wondering is did Daddy Momoe ruin this young rich girls life, give her syphilis and then leave her with a baby she was unfit to care for in poverty? I know half of this is running on anime logic but Holy Shit all the possible ways reasons and ideas for why things could’ve gotten This Bad.

Is it ridiculously dark and edgy that the original story we were given was “Girl wishes her dying mother could have her favorite cake but then realizes OOPSIE-DAISY I could have wished for her to Not Die instead!!!!” got turned into “11yr old hates her abusive mother so much she wants to make her suffer in the most symbolic way she can and then goes mental when she isn’t able to do it”??? Yes. But if I had the mental capacity to I have to admit I was in a position to be just as bitter at that age too. I can’t call it unrealistic. I may infact be projecting hard with how much I support and enjoy this backstory.

Anyway Nagisa was in such a state of trauma and distress at a horrifically young age when she died that it broke her mental faculties so severely that even when she came back as a literal Angel of God she had blocked it out so deeply and thoroughly she seemingly regressed to an even younger capacity and hyperfixated on the trait that she has before used to try to bond with her Mother who she had died hating.

And that also slaps u right in the heart.

A N D T H E N !

~Beachside Bonds~

Just the simple structure of this story was so enjoyable and nicely done. We finally get to see the OG girls in a context we wouldn’t be able to in literally any other scenario. They’re going on a summer vacation together and Homura is sentimentally journaling every single second of it. Is this mayhaps because she’s never gotten to be this happy and blissful with these girls she loves so much??? Of course this is are you not paying attention what the fuck. Homura is so optimistic and healed and hopeful she’s acting like what she might actually be doing as a normal teenage girl. (A heartrending contrast to the end of her Valentines Special)

We get nothing short of pure fluffy Slice Of Life shenanigans on the beach which even includes a bunch of the Kamihama girls that the OG crew knows! And they talk about it! And introduce eachother! And their friends commentate on it! Ren gets to see Kyoko Not Being A Bitch and then Sayaka teases her about having made friends and oh my god my heart is turning into cottoncandy as we speak Mom holy FUCK

Sayaka’s existence fucking matters in this story! It’s her families Hotel they’re staying at and she has relationships and memories with the creepy twins that live there and she talks like a fucking person??? And gives opinions??? That aren’t just copypasted “Justice is Good and Bad things are BAD!!!!”

Mami is fresh out of her fucking Cult Drama and she’s still trying to be cool Senpai but then she DECKS Homura in the face and gets scared by the ghost stories and then turns into pudding and waxes nostalgia at Kyoko out of nowhere IT’S ALMOST LIKE SHE’S A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL????????

G H O S T S ? ? ? ?

Y U ! ? ! ? ! ? !

(IS G A Y ! ! ! !)

This whole fucking backstory and truly horrifying Romeo and Juliet on Acid love and death story between Yu and her girlfriend and like if I wasn’t fascinated enough by Yu just being the creepy organ harvester before but apparently thats what she became after she literally made some sort of wish that erased all of her memories besides the nickname her sweetheart used for her and coincidentally also added to her the task of killing all Bad People?????

Yu made a wish to be able to get rid of All Bad People preserving the innocent version of herself who grew up with this girl and it was right after a failed double suicide attempt on fucking Doomed Lovers Cliff fucking Lifetime Will You Ever.

It then pairs with Homura whose PTSD gets to shine through a bit in being unable to believe any bad sort of Madoka which how could you try to force her to at this point while Also pairing Homura with Ren in the “Gay Love Saved Our Lives: Traumatized vers & Vanilla vers”

I don’t remember if there was a symbolic finale and tbh I have forgotten a lot of the details with Yu and her girlfriend Whatsherface because that shit was just so shocking and bizarre to read and much too painful to reread in a timely fashion just.

That shit hurted but it was full of so much love and hope both doomed and stolen but still was wrapped up in the comforting concept that This Is The Universe Where Homura Gets To Be Okay This Time.

She’s still scarred beyond comprehension and this ghost drama accentuated it all but at the end of the day this is still the Safe Universe where all of them are alive and the Holy Quintet are friends and they’re all going to be okay (Godoka & Aniplex willing) and so many of us love Madoka Magica because it shows girls fighting through the same pain we’ve been through and keeping their hope alive and here we get to see them actually find peace in a clunkily written fanservicey spin-off mobile gacha game and hey, that made me happy while I got to experience it. Thanks for the ideas and memories and tragic backstories and funny thirdary characters MagiReco I’m gonna take em all and Run.

Akjsladbfalkjfsbslk If you read this all without getting a migraine or blocking me ily thanks for listening!!!!!!

TL;DR

Me likey A La Carte Valentine bc it’s silly and gay and I simp Kuro

Me likey Nagisa’s Wish bc sawft baby is good and so are Tragic Edgy Backstories

Me likey Beachside Bonds bc Gay Ghosts and Our Girls Finally Get To Be Happy Peaceful(ish) Teenage Girls and that’s all I want for them ;w;

Reeses In Pieces ya’ll

1Ten 2More 3Words 4To 5Hit 6(3000 7Words 8Woo 9Boy 10Howdy

[fel-fisk]

10, 31, 32, 41? 🖤

10. What is your favorite class to play?

i haven’t played as a lot, but i’ve got two warlock characters and i think i really like their dynamic :0 the relationship-with-the-patron aspect is fun for rp and story stuff, and the lack of spell slots makes spellcasting a little easier to keep track/less stressful of bc you just don’t have as many options :p my other main character is a bard &  in comparison i feel a lot Less Pressure playing a warlock

31. Tell me about your current party!

i’m in 3 currently so!! brief summaries of all of em booyah

PARTY 1 [the bandwagon of fun! party for a homebrew game], currently composed of:

”Wren” Firenze Jasperdune, a brass dragonborn bard [college of glamour] 

 “Sunny” Soluminaris Codexia, a high (sun) elf evocation wizard [+1 lvl knowledge cleric] 

Basil Smalltown, a lightfoot halfling rogue [thief]

Blank, a warforged eldritch knight fighter [of mysterious origin, name comes from him saying “entry blank” when we asked what his name was] 

“Nova” Novella Dante, a half orc sorcerer [dragon soul, gold]

We also have Clove, a high (moon) elf druid [circle of the moon] who was kidnapped :’) but will probs be returning soon bc her player, who is currently playing nova, misses her a Lot and kinda gave her away impulsively.

PARTY 2 [still unnamed, depite the campaign running for almost a year now. Playing Storm King’s Thunder,, but with plenty of added stuff],  currently composed of:

 Luka Oarback Um’Qatha, a goliath explorer [homebrew class bay-bee; he’s the survivalist subclass, which has some ranger-y flavour to it]

“Gnat” Nathan Gruffson, a [kinda babboon-esque] goblin druid [circle of the shepherd]

Teddy Greenbottle, a lightfoot halfling sorcerer [cloud giant soul]

Lightstick Octopodes, a chicken-obsessed high elf barbarian who was raised by orcs  [is a homebrewed caster subclass that i cant remember the name of :’v] 

Hector West, a (???race unknown) warlock of Sseth [homebrewed pact; he’s nicknamed “snektor” as we suspect he’s a yuan-ti but his yuan-ti traits might be bc of his pact??? we have No Clue.] 

We also had another guy, a tiefling invoker [homebrew class] named Hektor Greyfell,,, but he just got petrified into a jade statue and whisked away to some demon lord’s collection so!! yeah :’) his player’s going to be rejoining as a dragonborn forge cleric i think

[[theres also,, my dead character Kacharias Akti- a sea-elf/sahuagin warlock of Sekolah (homebrew pact o the deep one).. he got killed by a vamp and if my current character dies or gets whisked away, Kari will b back as a modified vampire spawn >:3c courtesy of his patron]]]

PARTY 3 [unnamed group o’ heroes. Homebrew campaign set in the “booma mountains’, a v australian setting :v] 

“Bug” Birgitta Cobblersen, a (3! year! old!) goblin warlock of Y’dizel [great old one ;0 Y’dizel, or “mr fizzy” is the monster under her bed/her imaginary friend] 

Qassiel, a cambion accursed [homebrew class based on the 7 deadly sins- her subclass is wrath]

Meri Calypso, a mermaid cleric of Trishina the Joyswimmer [tempest domain]

–and my dad’s just playing Shiro from voltron :’p who is an oath of devotion paladin that rides around on his summoned steed, who is a giant black lion. 

[[The DM also has a sorta player character NPC in the party called Kettle, who’s an ochre dragonborn druid [circle of the lifesinger, a homebrew subclass] ]] 

32. Most memorable NPC you’ve encountered in a game you played in.

i think my favourite NPC/the most memorable would have to be Scrungus;; who lives up to his name in every way possible. He’s a shopkeep that lives in this giant junkheap who is effectively just the scrungus meme;;  he looks like a humanoid version of This.

stinky, grungy, scrungy shopkeep who weilds a stanley knife as a weapon that can stretch out to sephiroth type lengths and Beyond. He sells such goods as “eeling potions” [throw it on the ground to make some giant eels appear], “bullet sweaters” [it sweats bullets],  “frying carpet” [a flying carpet that heats up the longer you fly on it until it eventually is just On Fire], scrungus fungus [which grafts onto your body and gives you a chance of doing wildmagic– my goblin urchin’s pet vole has one on her head now and, among other things, has accidentally set of chain lightning with it that nearly killed my familiar],,, there’s so much more but essentially? he’s a wild ride and Im Love Him.

There are so many other great NPC’s in all the campaigns im in tho, especially shop keeps and some of the villains we get pit up against.

41. Give an out of context quote from one of your games! 

..“S̭̭̣͎̼̪͊́̔̌͛̅͑̓̆͘T̥̣̘͍̙̰̝̄̂̆̂͌̎O͓̗̠̩͊͆̌̎̈́͟͠ͅP̨͕̮͚̭̿̄͌́̉̽ Y̶̢̡̨̻̠̗̳͍͌̅͌̏̂̓͊͆́̏͢͢Ö̙͖̥̜̮̭́̾̂͌̅Ŭ̡̧͖̖̪̜́̈́͂̋̔̊Ŗ̵̱͔̪̭̟̀̑̍̓̅̉̓͞ I̷̢̯͇̰̬͍̱͖͂̍͋̈̾͛̔̀̇́͜N̷̢̰̯̻̮̗̱̮̘̒̿͗̊̇̽̊̚͟F̧̲͖̺̝̟̖̻͔͆̀̒͒͠Ę̜̤͍̼͚̳̣͌̽͐͐̃̀͗͠͡R̸̢̜̗͔̗̣̝͆̐̈̾͆̀̑̀͢Ñ̴̢̝̮̘͓̜̊̀̓͝͠͝͠Ą͔̬̻̝̝͈̟̮̝͆̌͛̇̀L̶̢̧̪̣̹̻͎͗͒̋͌̚͜ J̷̨̻̣̼͚͓͋͂̊̔͌̕̚ͅU̵̯̭͓̗̮̬̲̝̻̹͆̃̅̐͠M̴̢̟̙̻͖͔̥̙͐͗̊̔̌̂̍̓̕͟ͅP̴̦̟̠̫͉̜͖͎̿̾̇̏̽̈́I̷̝͔̳͎̗̎̽̀̓͗͗͆̅͝N̨̨̘̟̬̹͒̇̀͌͂͂͋̎̄̿͢G̵̟͙̙̘͎͙̼̝̒͑̑͒̀̄̀̉̚͢ͅ A̢̯͕̲̙͆́̿̽̃̍͘͟͟͠͠B̗͍̣̹̙̹͈̙̘͖̓̾͂͗͊̉̾̚O̡̪̟̣̜͓͎͆̅̍̾̉̏̑́́͢Ṵ̵̡͇̻̠͙̻̃̀̎͋̋́T̴̢̹͖͇̰̯̒̉̎͗̄͑ͅ” ..

[void-official]

“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either  I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’.  Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

[patchdotexe]

So, I have a character who is a system, and I wanted to know before I develop them further, how does DID work, from a personal account? I really really really don't want to accidentally create yet another TOXIC misinterpretation of a real condition (because I know how horrible that can feel), and I hope I'm not saying anything wrong even now. (P.S. I love your blog, but I'm too shy to come off anon.)

hey anon!! it means a LOT to me that you sent this message :D theres a lot of really messy-bad potrayals of DID in the media so seeing people actually going to the effort of asking systems abt their experiences is really heartwarming for us. (plus the fact that ppl keep asking us in specific abt system stuff omg,,)

im gonna preface this by saying that, in the end, i can only really talk about my own experiences with full confidence. systems can work pretty differently from each other, but this is how we function and also some details ive noticed from system friends + general discussion over the years

so, to start off: Dissociative Identity Disorder is, at its core, your brain trying to respond to trauma in a pretty severe way. that being said there ARE systems that didnt experience severe trauma and still developed, and im not really sure about the mechanics behind that but i find it really cool and it totally exists. im gonna focus on trauma-based systems bc that’s our ~tragic backstory~ and also tends to be what most people opt for when creating system characters anyway, but the only real difference from what i can tell is, uh, a lack of trauma.

I HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR ME TO SAY THE WORD “TRAUMA” A WHOLE LOT JFC

(system friends are welcome to reblog with corrections or added info!!)

anyway. the way your brain responds to things is really weird. if something happens where you’re just, like, completely unable to handle it, like you dissociate yourself so hard because there’s no way you can manage this, your brain has a chance of going “uh… well, fuck, uh” and generating somebody who can manage it. or it might decide to be a dick and take all of the fucky internalized garbage and turn it into a person whose sole existence is to be an asshole. (they have the potential to get better, i think… ours didnt.) honestly theres a bunch of reasons and a bunch of “roles” that could lead to an alter/headmate* forming.

* we use the terms interchangeably depending on mood and whos fronting. i think its supposed to be “alter” is DID, “headmate” is implication that theyre non-traumatic? we like using “headmate” because it brings this fun mental image of us being a bunch of roommates constantly starting shit with each other and goofing off which is pretty accurate about 75% of the time

i keep getting distracted bc my cat is here. this is gonna be fun to go back and edit.

whatever the original situation is, you’re suddenly not alone in your own brain. and it’s REALLY WEIRD. communication was VERY hard. Icarus, our system original, used to do a very “cliche” thing of sharing a journal with their early headmates, where theyd write a sentence and then theyd write a reply (although back then they didnt realize that was a system-related thing and just thought they were having a fun conversation with their ocs. which… they were, just. Actually Talking.) they didnt have any inward perception of themself or their headmates either, so that kinda built up over time (with some help) along with the appearance of our headspace so that there was… actually a location for people to interact in. once they had a better awareness of things, mental communication got a bit easier– its sort of like background chatter really, when everybody’s awake. sometimes i get weird out of context things from Mae yelling at somebody, or sometimes ill be talking to a friend and someone’ll butt in.

when talking out loud, this usually leads to us suddenly stopping and then laughing or going “no!!!”. when on discord and around people who know who we are… well.

speaking of Mae, she’s pretty much my sister. not like… biologically? because i don’t think thats possible for me, but shes kinda literally my “other half” which ill get into later. headmates can have strong attachments to other alters! friends, best friends, family, dating, whatever. they can also do that with people outside the system, and itll be different for each headmate. there’s like 4 people dating Jorb but i just see him as one of my best friends. we’re people and we have complex social interactions that can get to be kind of a nightmare when you’re around a bunch of people who don’t know that you’re Not Leo and that youre suddenly not super up to existing around people in general.

plus even if like… so Jorb’s dating 4 of us like i said, but his relationship w/ each of them is different? Ica is very clingy and likes rambling to him, Summer’s pretty much just always happy to hang out, Mae makes fun of him a lot but in a loving way, and Leo is… kinda “all of the above” because that’s his gimmick. plus even tho a few other alters have a sibling-ish relationship with Mae like i do, usually its just me and Mae that do the “chaos siblings” bit.

the basic system.. thing… is that there’s “front”, which is being in control of the body– so, like, i’m currently fronting/in front, because im the one currently active and using our computer and staring at our cat.– and then theres the headspace, where everybody hangs out when theyre not in front. the headspace itself can differ in style & functionality for each system, and i think theres some systems that dont really have a location at all? but for us its like a full on location where we have individual rooms, places to visit if we get bored while away from front, etc.

theres also like, being at/near/away from front? so currently im in front, but Leo is pretty much always lurking nearby if he’s awake (we have individual sleep schedules that dont always sync up to the “irl” one, Trust is almost always sleeping), Ica’s somewhat in the back talking to Rookie so i cant really make out what theyre saying (its probably about either a youtube thing they both like or about a comic they want to do), and everyone else is either asleep (in which case they could be nearby but i cant currently “ping” them, so id have to actually take a sec to ground myself in headspace more) or in a different room. communication is easier if im in front and somebody is nearby, or it can be like with Ica rn where im like “well, theyre talking, but i have no idea what theyre saying and am making a guess based off their usual interactions”, or i could pass off front to go talk to Ica and come back (in which case my memory would be kind of vague and weird because information doesnt always properly translate), oooor i could actually go bug them while still in front. which.. im not gonna do rn bc then id get super distracted.

switching front differs between systems a lot! and even varies from day to day. like there are days where we wake up and we have absolutely no idea who we are bc we went to bed as one person and woke up as another. or we could be talking to somebody and then realize “wait, i stopped being Leo a bit ago, who am i”. or we could pass off front to somebody, like if Summer really wanted to front sie’d run up to me and let me know and we’d swap. or if something critical happens (usually a breakdown), Leo or one of the other headmates that’re more built to handle stressful situations will literally drag somebody out of front to make sure they dont hurt themself. or sometimes we throw front at people unexpectedly, like either mid-breakdown where we go “okay i dont wanna be here anymore, tag youre it” or sometimes because we think its funny because its the metaphysical equivalent of getting clonked in the head with a dodgeball, except the dodgeball is “being in control of our shared physical form”. usually mae’s the one that does that lmao

there’s a couple major categories of how alters come about. there’s “walk-ins”, where they kinda just… appear externally? like they just show up. sometimes we get a feeling of “huh. i think somebody might be here? or somebody might be showing up soon.” and have to rummage around for a while until they approach us or we find them. our walk-ins aren’t like, inherently aware of system stuff at first, so they usually get a crash course before they first front (if they choose to front at all) and it can be kinda entertaining. Rookie’s a walk-in! also Hiro, from a couple years ago. most of our walk-ins are fictives (fictional characters, usually appearing in response to us getting extremely attached to something or somebody) but a couple of our trauma splits are also fictives so that’s not like, a Rule or anything. i think these are mostly associated with non-traumatic systems but we get em fairly often so man idk

theres also… uh, i dunno what theyre actually called? we used to call them “constructs” but that sounds kind of mean. these alters exist to fill a specific role! and we usually dont talk about them on here with the exception of one major one, they just kinda hang out. Dhe exists to keep the system stable and manages the “backend” so to speak. Imp is kind of a mix of our intrusive & impulsive thoughts that came about from us trying to separate ourself from them so that we had an imaginary entity to go “nope!” at, which… stopped being imaginary, and is now a gremlin that lives in my brain. they can show up in response to trauma but arent split off of somebody, they kinda just pop into existence to help manage things.

the more… well-known, i guess? alter origin is “trauma splits”. rather than “just showing up one day with no real connection to the system origins”, trauma splits are formed when somebody in-system, uh, splits. it could be in response to a single situation or something built up over a long time, but somebody just kinda breaks and somebody new that has a bit of the original alter’s identity (if kinda influenced by the situation) shows up.

this can vary. All is a trauma split off of Leo himself, who got saddled with all of our brain hell about our ex and their insystem appearance is influenced more by eir than by leo which is… something they struggle with. Mae has a trauma split from a similar situation that is “Mae but from 2 years ago”, so basically her old identity before she reworked herself after getting put through total hell. and then uh… then there’s me and Mae! Icarus quite literally exploded into several people, with Pat (me) and Mae being the most distinct ones. we’re STILL finding out alters used to originally be a part of them that later evolved into their own people, like Summer and Toby. my identity is shaped pretty heavily not just by who Ica was at time of splitting, but also what they wanted to be jumbled together with trying to rationalize what was happening to them (they’re a pretty big fan of megaman star force, which has a media-typical system in it, so they leaned into hard “its like pat and rey from mmsf! i like pat, i wouldnt mind being like pat, its scary but im like one of my current favourite characters” and so i ended up being like, half-weird shapeshifter, half-green-haired prettyboy. and yeah thats where my name comes from!)

(Ica got put back together w/o anybody needing to integrate, which we were all very scared about, and it’s still kind of surreal to me because… me and Mae used to be able to stick ourself back together and thats how we found out about what happened to Ica in the first place? and we havent tried that since bc we have no idea what would happen. Ica 2: Ica Harder?)

despite their origins, trauma splits can be way more than… being a split. :V;; Toby’s not just a tiny splinter of Ica, he’s a quiet guy that gets stressed out and isn’t totally sure how to interact with people. i’ve existed for like 7 years at minimum and im a totally different person than i was when i thought i was still Ica, ‘cause ive had time to grow and change (and a problem Ica keeps running into now that theyre back is… they kinda Didn’t change because they were MIA for 6 years.) like everything else though this is variable– there can be “temporary” splits that dont develop properly and might get integrated back in, which has only happened to us when we were at the lowest point in our life where we were stuck constantly splitting to try and cope with whatever the hell was going on.

so Ica was gone for 6 years, which meant our system was without an original or main– there wasn’t anybody to be head of the system, basically. for a while i was operating under the assumption that i was Ica, so i filled in that role for a few years before i made the realization. eventually i kinda… stopped being able to, though, bc of stability issues, and then we were back to not really having a proper main anymore. to make up for it, we started going by Leo collectively and kinda… trying to pretend to be a single person? and so that ended up creating a construct to fill the role of “system main and the person we pretend to be when passing as singlet/not a system”: Leo himself! he’s kinda the most prominent traits we all have in common rolled into a single guy, which means that not only is he a pretty good system representative but we can also pretend to be him pretty easily (unless it’s someone like Toby who acts totally different). i dont know how common this situation is, i think normally it’s just “if system original is gone, another alter steps up” like originally happened to us before i had a severe case of problems disorder.

uhhh this is very rambley bc there’s a Lot to cover and now im trying to figure out how much of it i HAVE covered. systems are complicated and weird! OH WAIT okay i have one last bit.

so like, for us, first realizing we were a system was total hell. we fought a lot. as more alters showed up through various means, there were times where Ica felt like they were completely out of control of their own life bc of having to manage everything. there were a lot of panic attacks of people fronting and not being sure they were even REAL, despite… being in front. but we still felt like we were deluding ourself. this was in, like, late 2011, so systems weren’t a THING. they were a very fringe community that everyone hated. we got constantly harassed, which only fed into Ica’s panic hell and our identity issues. interpersonal relationships became a nightmare, especially because we have BPD as well which varies in severity for each of us but… for me it’s pretty bad! there were times early on where every day was another fun new breakdown from us arguing with each other or our friends or not being understood or… etc.

so… how are we holding up ~7 and a half years later? pretty well, actually! we talk to each other. we do things for each other, like buy food or games we know specific headmates like. Ica is back and way happier than they were in 2011, and is thrilled to get to hang out with everybody that’s showed up since. we help each other through problems, because at the end of the day our system ended up being a support network. Ica couldnt function on their own, so we’re like… 10+ people working together to try and be a single functional person. and we feel pretty okay with that! we still fight, and we still start shit, but we’re not in constant crisis anymore. we’re still working through all of our trauma, especially the more “recent” stuff that kinda broke our system for a while until we were able to start rebuilding, but we’re doing it together. :D

so… yeah, it can start out as a stereotypical “nightmare system”, with constant infighting and toxicity and self-sabotage and etc. but we worked through it! it took a while, but we’re overall more stable than we were before. we got out of the bad environment that was fucking us up, we got mental help for our other brain hell (we havent been able to bring up the system to our therapists bc its literally a non-issue now and we focus more on other things like our depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc), we found people that support us for being us, and we were able to like… figure things out. and it was a mess! i still have issues about my own identity because of literally thinking i was someone else for two years. Ica’s still trying to figure out how to adjust to things, especially bc they missed our entire “cringe culture” phase so they came back to find that i’d dismantled a lot of their middle-school settings. and, uh, some of their friendships as well.

systems are fuckin weird

[cominyern]

you know hwat. my impression of yakuza kiwami was unfair because i was super excited after finishing 0. the game is half the size of 0, and the content it has is generally a lower standard than 0.

the substories in yakuza 0 explore a wide array of topics with good writing, funny when it wants to be and also capable of putting other emotions on you. in kiwami, a majority of them are lifted straight from the 2005 original, before the developers really came into their own. many of them are repetitive, way too many of them are simply "guy trying to scam kiryu" or just bland and extremely forgettable in other ways. theres like 15 or 20 i would call worthwhile, while in 0 i think they all are.

the best side content in kiwami is the stuff that was added for the remake. the elephant here is majima everywhere, which is a game spanning journey where majima fights you over 100 times to restore the strength you lost in prison. its really inventive, i find it genuinely really funny, and majima just fights smoothly in a way i dont get sick of.

the original story suffers from lack of development. stuff will happen and then get thrown out, the main cast except for kiryu and haruka are like cardboard cutouts of fleshed out characters. so many things will happen only to never get brought up or have any significance again.

the main story is a sour spot, but the new cutscene additions are really good for substance. as the 2005 story unfolds, you get one flashback per chapter back to 1996 to watch nishiki drowning and kicking like a fish on dry land. as everything continues to fall apart around him and everyone just says out loud to him that they wish he went to jail instead of kiryu, and he is being run around by people who are supposed to be obeying him as patriarch, and his sister is dying and the doctor uses that situation as leverage to clear his debt and skip town at her expense. he gradually abandons his morals before finally taking the plunge and becoming The Patriarch of The Nishikiyama Family. and then hes just going around killing shit up from then on. nishiki's downfall is really believable, he is extremely sympathetic even as he strays from morality and is my fav character from the game exclusively because of this new context.

the intro is also really good. yumis brithday at the bar is such an idyllic nice moment that even before it ends, you feel like youre mistily remembering a simpler time. but at the same time you see the sprouting beginnings of nishikis jealousy and eventual downfall.

coming off yakuza 5, kiwami was a nice, comparatively EXTREMELY straightforward change of pace. ive heard that 6 is quite a bit smaller than 5, and im grateful. i got my big conspiracy fix from 4 and then 5 was mostly good for its character moments. kiryus part was good emotionally, saejimas part was good because i like him and baba :) and it took you through a nice amount of content, at the start of akiyamas part i joked that he was my dad (before deleting that post bc i realized how weird of a comment that was) and then akiyama ACTUALLY had a dad arc with haruka. and of course shinadas part was super good, probably bc it was so divorced from everything else. the finale, when it all converged, it all got extremely confusing and i admit i dont know what happened. generally i find that yakuza games are really good UNTIL the finale, where it gets stuck on a loose nail and pulls itself apart. except 3 which had a nice finale and 0 which was just really good overall.

either way i think its finally time for a break with yakuza. 6 is the end of kiryus story so i want to let everything marinate in my head before i go for it.