#bc to see a character that has had the exact same mental health struggles as you...just die by suicide??

[queenboimler]

if you ever ask yourself, 'should i watch the magicians?' just know, when i first watched season 4 the ending was so bad it triggered a depressive episode that lasted over a month

[faedawayyy]

folklore.

taylor swift songs that very specifically catch certain times in this rp. it’s not like “oh some of the lyrics relate”. it’s how i genuinely saw the whole situation unfold/the most accurate comparisons. if your chara isn’t active and/or you dont rly share much with me, obviously they won’t be there as much. i’m not gonna apologise for that :’)

the 1 - very specifically riley and wes in their current era from riley’s pov. i feel like it makes sense bc the song isn’t bitter and there’s clearly still some sort of sentiment there but at the same time, it’s not unhealthy or moping? 

cardigan - almost as if we’ve done a 180 and spun to the other side of wes’s life, janey and wes from janey’s pov. i feel like the references to being young and making mistakes are super janey and also all the mentions of familiarity. 

the last great american dynasty - from the pov of the insider or any ‘rich girl’ looking into margo’s life. i feel like she’s definitely the most questionable of the girls from that circle and the whole song has a gossipy undertone to it. it’s just very margo and her return to the springs gave me this vibe completely.

exile - the mess surrounding soraya, owen, dallas and gisele, but VERY SPECIFICALLY dallas and gisele and soraya and owen. i feel like verse 1 & chorus is owen to soraya, verse 2 & chorus is gisele to dallas, the bridge sounds very, very, very owen and soraya. ESPECIALLY when it’s like: “you never gave a warning sign”  “i gave so many signs”  “never learned to read your mind”  etc. etc. etc. bc i dont know, i remember it becoming VERY clear that she was set on dallas. the last part of the song is from all of their povs 

my tears ricochet - mabel and brody, mabel and brody, mabel and brody. i feel like she really, really liked him and he’d paint out that he was totally loyal to disney but definitely led her on but wasn’t as outright about his feelings as she was and it eventually (along with a lot of other things) led her completely out of town. i just completely see it for this one. 

mirrorball - clyde and poppy BUT from clyde’s pov, not poppy’s. the metaphor of clyde being the mirror ball and poppy being the light is so accurate for their whole arc through the rp in my opinion. it’s so safe and comforting but it doesn’t sweep over any ugly parts either. the bridge is very clyde and kind of how he was treated by everybody else. 

seven - i always say this but the progression of dallas and soraya’s relationship before it got dark; it’s very summery, romantic and has the references of escaping problematic families/people through almost child-like comforts. this would obviously be from soraya’s pov. i also feel like it’s them now, but it’s a memory more so than a direct song.

august - roxy’s pov about mason. they had a very short-lived, cute connection but it was obvious she wasn’t really his girlfriend/they never made it to the next level. i will ALWAYS hate mason for roxy - that’s the only ex i feel like he’s actually done dirty, and i feel like there was definitely a point where she believed in it and then a very obvious point when she realised he’s not as angelic/nice as he initially seems and the bridge captures that so well. i’m rly not meaning for all of these to be about my characters.

this is me trying - JIWON ON HER OWN WITH HER HOTEL BUSINESS AND EXPECTATIONS. like, she’s so perfect and great on the outside and this big popstar but she has so many people doubting her. i feel like “ahead of the curve/the curve became a sphere” is so. on. point. she gets rly ahead in her st judes career but then ends back up at point 1 when she’s trying to prove herself with the hotel. 

illicit affairs - danny and zara. in literally every verse we’ve had (?) the little shits...and zara’s pov for sure. i feel like it’s (obviously) really easy to hate like “the other woman”, but i feel like this song rly highlights that it can still genuinely be love but just unfortunately not under the right circumstances idk. it just makes so much sense to me. the bridge ESPECIALLY. i feel like i’ve heard zara almost say those exact words. 

invisible string - matt and oliver concerning matt’s return. i know they’re not together (i wish they would) but i feel like everything happened so naturally, like matt ended things with maelyn and oliver arrived shortly after...it fits with the whole being tied together with string/remembering little details about each other/fate kind of guiding them together (if you think i’m implying they should date, u are right) 

mad woman - to ME this is very soraya and gigi again, looking into the others relationship. so soraya @ owen observing him and gigi. gigi @ dallas observing him and soraya. idk, i know i keep talking about it but i feel like there were so many raw feelings in that plot and i genuinely saw it from every point of view. the “it’s obvious that wanting me dead really brought you two together” is so soraya @ owen and dallas and the crazy/angry line is definitely gisele @ dallas, bc that was A LOT of their relationship 

epiphany - i feel like i ALWAYS misinterpret this song LMAO i’m sorry, but it really reminds me of matt’s mental health struggles. i feel like it’s almost like an internal monologue type song and i rly like the song when it’s in that context. i hate it as like, a love song. it’s so shit/lazy in that context LOL. 

betty - JACK AND BRIELLE. i know a lot of people don’t know about their connection but it’s so high school boy messes up with high school girl LOL. if i had to put it in a more known context, then definitely wes x roxy x riley...roxy being betty and wes being james. arabella totally would’ve been inez LOL 

peace and hoax - (skip, they bore me to fucking tears. sorry swifites)

the lakes - it’s all about escaping and being in love and these are the specific couples/friendships it super reminds me of.

kendall and mason

zara and danny 

christelle and blake 

pHoenix and GABE (they own this song in my mind) 

madison and bash 

soraya and dallas - i’m not sorry 

[localrobosexual]

hewwo my fwiends it's currently real Loving Seaside Hours™ again as spurred by talking to a blessed pal of mine earlier today about our comfort characters, so as I'm tryina ride out this thunderstorm going on outside so I can actually go to sleep I'm just gonna take a moment and gush about this robot and how and why he means so much to me, that alright w y'all lmao

putting a breaker on this bc I already know it's gonna get long and ramble-y lmao. Not gonna mind if u skip this over and don't bother reading it, I just wanna kinda shout into the void about my ocs a bit, don't mind me!

HEY SO YEE I JUST RLLY RLLY LOVE MY BIG DUMB ROBOT SO SO MUCH AAAAAA HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I COULD NEVER SELL OR TRADE HIM EVER AND I JUST WISH I HAD MORE DISPOSABLE INCOME TO USE TO JUST BUY MORE COMMISSIONS OF HIM BECAUSE GOD EVERY TIME I DRAW HIM AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE ELSE DOES TOO MY HEART JUST FUCKIN SWELLS W LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!!! THIS ONE LITTLE TRANSFORMERS OC DOES THAT MUCH!!!!!!!! AND ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAA

ok but. For real now, besides my initial screams that I had to get out hksjdks. Y'all wanna hear some insight into what all went into making him and why he means so much to me and all. Strap in bc it's gonna get Real

let's start with something pretty well known. Maybe not coming from me but a well known fact regardless lmao. Truth be told I wrote out from the paragraph below this one to the bottom without writing an introduction first and I'm too tired to try to come up with anything good now so uh. Hopefully this isn't too jarring hkshdksk my bad y'all my bad.

Anyways. Mental health! Fucked mental health! that's so much fun right!!

Haha yeah. Nah. We all know this. Being depressed is rlly wack y'all. It fuckin messes up ur head big time. I still don't know if I have downright depression, because I still haven't been properly diagnosed, and I never rlly associated my symptoms and the way I was feeling with depression bc it didn't line up with the stereotypical symptoms of depression, so I was (and still am) just calling it my "existential crisis". That was rlly the only word I could use to describe it. And it was dark and it was lonely and crushing and so, so awful. Despite the fact that I had an extremely loving and supportive friend group, I was always, ALWAYS afraid of speaking up about it. Despite them and all, I still felt super SUPER alone in the way I was feeling about life, my future, and my general purpose. This was all just reinforced by my parents and other adults in my life who I tried to come to in the past who would brush me off by saying I was overreacting, or that I'll "figure it out, because everybody does", or just generally not really understanding or showing any empathy at all. It took my entire life up until SENIOR YEAR ENGLISH CLASS when I went to my teacher about how I was feeling about a certain project that was triggering my symptoms, and that was the first time in my life when any adult had actually shown any sort of understanding or sympathy towards me and my feelings. That was the first time in my life where my mental struggles were validated by someone I respected and held to high regard.

But I still felt so very very alone, with no one to really talk to or who I knew was going through the same thing as me. So I ended up just,, , making someone who did.

Fun fact, before I really went ham on his development, Seaside was just gonna be a one-off oc with a happy go-lucky attitude and not much else about him. It was only until I heard the song What We Will Never Know (which later ended up becoming one of his theme songs bc of this) for the first time that I decided "WAIT,,. ,, BUT,, , WHAT IF,,. , ,,, , I MADE HIM SAD TOO" pretty much hkHKDJDJSK and that's what kick started his development!!

here I was, this sad, depressed, deeply lonely bitch with a love for making characters who played on extensions of myself, finally able to make something to cope with how awful I was feeling all the time. And that's what Seaside kinda was to me at first, he was my coping mechanism for working through hard bouts of my existenial crisis. I crafted his backstory to fit EXACTLY what I was going through at the time. He was content but never truly happy with how his life had been for as long as he could remember, then something exciting and new happens and he's suddenly thrust into a brand new world with so many new possibilities, but as he starts to settle in he realizes just how lost and alone he truly is in this new environment and he doesn't know where to go or what to do with himself. This is literally, EXACTLY a point-to-point retelling of my experience going through high school, graduating, and trying to figure out what to do with my life all with my mental health rapidly deteriorating around me. And having someone like that in my life, even fictional, even one I literally made up myself, made me feel better. I'd daydream scenarios of of us going on little adventures at the beach at night where no one else would see him in robot mode (gotta keep up the disguise aspect and all), but mostly it was just us hanging out, usually cuddled up to each other bc it gets cold on the beach at night, looking up at the stars, chillin and talking and just taking comfort in each other's presences and knowing that we weren't alone in our struggles. And I KNOW that sounds super stupid and cringey and dumb but like, that's genuinely what made, and still does, make me happy and it's what I used to help me hold on just a little longer to get through some of the really rough periods of my existenial crisis. When it got super bad, when I still even couldn't tell my closest friends about how low I was feeling, I still at least had Seaside with me to help me cope.

it wasn't until it got to the point where I was pretty much (lovingly) forced to wake up to the reality that I was rapidly becoming genuinely suicidal that things finally started to change, even just a little bit. I only very recently finally started to get my mind right, I finally told my parents the whole truth about how I was feeling, I got put on some meds that are honestly doing WONDERS for me rn, and I'm definitely in a much better place mentally then I was just a few months ago. I certainly still have a long way to go, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and just soak up and relish in the fact that I'm, for the first time in years, genuinely going about my days just happy to be out here living life without constantly being weighed down by the soul crushingly empty sorrow that hung over me 24/7. (and to said close group of friends, if you're indeed reading this, this may be the first time you're hearing about what I've been going through all the time, and if that's the case, I'm gonna have to kindly ask that you not come to me about it. I'll know when I'm ready to talk about this openly, but now I don't think I am. I'm really sorry to have kept it from y'all for so long, it really was just eating me up inside, but I think I explained myself well enough)

so now that I'm doing much better mentally, Seaside's outlook has kinda changed, but at the same time, not really?? he's still my comfort character for sure, always will be, but now he's not so much a coping mechanism as he is just a solid source of happiness and peace to turn to every now and again. This one little transformers oc just genuinely makes me really really happy, and I love to just soak it all in and feel every little thing!! We still share the not knowing what we're doing with our lives aspect of ourselves, but now it's a little less completely lost and anguished and hopeless and a little more hopeful and reassuring. Things are gonna be ok. We'll figure this out at our own pace. And we'll still have each other to turn to at every step of the way.

there's a lot of different kinds of comfort energies that many different kinds of comfort characters give off, and different ones resonate more with different people. The most common one I'll see at least is a kind of is parental comfort, someone you can come to for guidance in life because they have the experience to advise you on what to do and can be almost a better pseudo-parental figure. Mom friend types, loving dad energy, that kind of thing. Someone to protect you and give you big strong hugs and stuff. Seaside gives off a similar yet very different kind of comfort energy to me. It's not parental in any way because he's far too young (relatively, even in Cybertronian standards. He'd be like, mid to late 20s in human years) and inexperienced, and, frankly, still a little too naive and unknowing about a lot of things to really be someone to turn to for guidance or just generally be a pseudo-parental figure, but instead, he's just a good friend. He's a perfect kind of friend that'd stand by your side and will always be there for you through the ups and downs of life, someone who knows how to cheer you up when you're sad, someone you can share a solidarity in where you know you're experiencing the exact same struggles. He's just a good shoulder to lean on and a constant reminder that I'm never alone. And I couldn't ask for anything better tbh

so yeah. There's my ramble I guess lmao. To sum it up rlly I just love this big dumb robot w all my heart and soul and I'm so so glad I made him 💕💕💕

[someventingspace]

Declaration of Independence-Grievances Against the Ex

Honestly I really hate you and I hate that I ever felt any other way and like it’s been 3 months but I still am in pain and sure I know far better than to ever want you back bc dear god I fucking hate you with every ounce of my being but I still feel a twinge if pain when I see you and remember that I used to love you and used to see myself being with you forever bf thought that was the face I would wake up to when I was old and grey and I’m absolutely disgusted that I ever thought that and that you ever let me and I’m angry that you used me very blatantly. I’m angry you lied to me. I’m angry that I’ll never know how long you were lying. I’m angry that I believed you. The fact that you ended it the way you did is absolutely despicable and I want you to know that that is absolutely unforgivable. I never want to see you again. But I hate that at the same time here’s a part of me that would run back into your arms and kiss you if you gave me the chance. I hate that part of me. That part won’t ever take over, ever. I’ll make sure of it. My hatred is too strong. You hurt me too bad to ever be let back in. So it’ll stay and just make me hurt every once in a while when I’m least expecting it. I know you’re not hurting as bad as I am. In fact you’d have no right to be. I’d be angry if you were. You aren’t allowed to set yourself on fire then complain that you’re hot especially when I’m the one that you drenched in gasoline. I hate that you exist. You had no right to do anything that you did to me. You’re disgusting. There were things that you knew were important to me that you blatantly disregarded. You were selfish. So unbelievably selfish. I can’t even come up with a comparable fictional character to be quite honest. You really liked to pretend you cared about me but looking back it was so very clear that you only cared about yourself and were unwilling to make any measure of sacrifice. I know that you cheated. You cheated. You can deny it all you want but we both know it’s true. With which person I may not be exactly sure but I definitely have it narrowed down to three and honestly I know it could have been any or all of them. I didn’t so much as look at another guy or girl the entire time we apart because I was so stupidly devoted to you. I trusted you and I really wish that for once you had let me be right about something. I wish you hadn’t blamed our issues on my mental health issues—the ones I was actively trying to fix. I stopped going to you with these problems because I really didn’t want to burden you because I knew you were struggling and I literally BEGGED you to come to me with any issues you had because hell if anyone could help it would be me. I’d been through it all. But you never made me feel like I could come to you. I was scared to go to you. I’m disappointed in you for not letting me be involved in trying to fix us. I’m ashamed of you for thinking you could be in charge of all of this yourself and making me feel secure when I asked about the state of our relationship then a day later telling me it was actually crushed to bits. You decided that your decisions were far more powerful than mine. That’s not how relationships work and you’re going to go through so many relationship struggles because of that so good fucking luck dude. I told you I had issues with some things you were doing and you said you’d stop. Then you didn’t. You kept going and made me feel like I’d be a bad girlfriend if I asked you not to. You weren’t you. You were just waiting for a reason to break up. You were just to much of a coward to come up with a problem yourself so you waited for me to bring one to you. You are such a fucking wimp. A loser. A goddamn coward. You’ve spiraled me into constant hate and anger and I hope you know that you are not welcome to see me ever again.

You were never a good boyfriend to me. Through the occasional romantic gesture you managed to give me the illusion that you were but looking back there’s no reason you should have made it even close to the whole 1 year, 2 months, and 14 days you were with me. You treated me horribly. You made me feel worthless. You made me feel like an object. You ignored me. You kept me in a box separate from the rest of your life. Why didn’t I really ever know your friends despite you knowing mine? Why’d you try and keep me so far from the new people you met? Why’d you like a bunch of her Instagram pictures from before you two even met? (By the way though, tell her that her song on Spotify is actually really good. She has a really pretty voice and that song is honestly one of my favorite songs rn. I hate you. I don’t hate her.) Why’d you treat me like an idiot? I’m not as oblivious as I used to be. So you were scared and ran I guess. Some have told me that maybe you left because you were intimidated by the fact that I had accomplished so much more. I really hope that’s not the case because dude that’s so fucking shallow and if it is true get the fuck over it. I guess in that case you were more like my dad than I thought. Congratulations I suppose. Maybe you guys should hang out sometime. I think you’d get along just fine now that I’m seeing this side of you. I’m honestly really sad about some of the connections you caused me to lose because of your horrific choices. Believe it or not I actually grew to really love your family. I cared a ton about your grandparents who were literally the sweetest people I had ever met. And I never get to say goodbye or thank you or say prayers when things get bad for them. I hate that you took that. The last day I saw you? I saw you for about 20 minutes before I spent the rest of the day hanging out with your family where honestly I enjoyed myself more than I had during the rest of that weekend with you. Your parents were not bad at all and your brother is frickin hilarious and your older little sister is honestly really frickin cool and honestly if you hadn’t crushed me I probably would’ve talked to her more after that. But you couldn’t see that now could you?

For these reasons I am hereby declaring myself independent of you. I hope I never have to interact with you again from here on out and honestly I hope that there’s someone out there that can spot your bullshit and keeps you from doing this ever again. I know I deserve far better than you. You were right about that much. You can’t give me what I need. I need someone who will answer my texts and have me as a priority. I need someone who will hug and kiss me in public. Not make out in public, just kiss. You couldn’t do either of those. I need someone willing to work for a relationship. I need someone who won’t run at the first sign of struggle. The next one will involve me in all aspects of their lives. They’ll listen to me. They’ll bring me some fucking flowers once in a while (they don’t even need to be store bought like literally they can just bring me some pretty ones they found growing off a road and I’d be thrilled). They’ll treat me as an equal and encourage my success. They’ll actually be excited when I accomplish things and take interest in the things I do. They’ll be a frickin fantastic S.O. They’ll be the exact opposite of you. I know you’ll probably never see this. Part of me wants you to. Another doesn’t. I never mentioned your name or anything identifying but oh my god if you read this you’ll know it’s you I’m talking about and I hope you enjoy the fact that I’ve moved on and will never EVER take you back. I hate you. But you chose this for yourself. I pray—for the sake of your friends, family, future spouse, and the kids that will one day call you dad—that you’ll change this. I want you to be a the better person that I know you probably can be. There was something there that I used to love. I hope you foster that part of you because the world doesn’t deserve the monster that is your current self. I’m free, bitch. And honestly, even though I’m in pain I’m still somehow happier than I’ve ever been.

[ontheavalanche]

As someone with BPD, I struggle a lot with headcanons of Kent Parson with BPD.

Bc on the one hand, I really enjoy people taking the time to research BPD and crafting versions of Kent Parson that are complicated yet respectful and highlighting a disorder that imho isn’t spoken about nearly enough + a lot of thought and effort goes into taking mentally ill characters and fleshing them out with words. Plus I’ve seen some well composed stuff from people who do have BPD and get what it’s like and make wonderfully relatable versions of BPD!Parse and I don’t want to downplay those at all.

But at the same time, I noticed a lot of what happens is that people paint Kent Parson as this guy that’s been really manipulative and can say and do things that are emotionally abusive or just make him all impulsive but then be all like oh he’s like that because he has BPD so it’s okay.

And that’s bad for multiple reasons—the first one being ofc that you can’t excuse manipulative, emotionally abusive, or any other kind of shitty behaviors just bc the person acting that way is mentally ill. The second is that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are generally not like that???? That’s a really harmful stereotype of what people with BPD are like and it’s been perpetuated a lot in various types of media and even within medical and mental health communities.

Anyways, I’m p sure I personally won’t be able to read any fics with BPD!Parson unless they’re personally recommend to me, but I will throw a few things out there that I haven’t seen in BPD!Parse fics but that are common amongst people with BPD. (Please keep in mind that these are based on my own experiences and experiences of other people I know who have BPD—as with any mental health issue, it can manifest very differently depending on the person and not everyone with have experienced all of these):

Manic episodes!!!!! (I feel it’s important to note that often times you won’t realize you’re Manic until you’re peeking. And tbh a lot of times you don’t realize it at all, especially if you don’t have experience recognizing those feelings. Also I’ve noticed that with people with BPD that are more on the consistently manic side will not notice their mania because while manic episodes are intense, if you’re used to them it feels totally normal to feel that way all the time. You might not notice it’s a thing until it gets pointed out by an outsider or unless you get a really really bad one or end up hospitalized)

After a manic episode, you might Crash—a sort of Mania Hangover, if you will. Sometimes it can be a full blow depressive episode, sometimes it’s just a need for sleep or maybe releasing a few hard earned tears. (Or if you’re one of those people that’s kind of Perpetually Manic or going through a manic phase, maybe you won’t even Crash, you’ll just slide into another episode like whatislife amiright??)

If not full blown mania, then mood swings!!!! So many mood swings!!!!! They’re intense and sometimes they last a few hours and sometimes they last a few days. People with BPD have intense emotions, highs and lows and you can on occasion get several in the span of an hour or two.

A chronic feeling of emptiness (I’m thinking of Parse feeling empty n wow that hurts so bad doesn’t it?)

Reckless, impulsive, or dangerous behaviors, often thought of as a result of trying to fill that emptiness or during feelings of mania or anger or mood swings. (This can manifest as shopping sprees, sex, substance abuse, binge eating, etc).

Viewing things in black and white—often times things and feelings are perceived as either totally Good or totally Bad, with little to nothing in between. It’s easy to distort your point of view to make it so that everything fits in those categories. This is a defense mechanism and is often referred to as “Splitting” or all-or-nothing thinking.

The Good/Bad POV//defense mechanism also and especially applies toward people and while logically you might know people are multifaceted and want to recognize that people can be both good and bad, sometimes it can be really hard not to look at people and subconsciously be like “okay are you a hero or a villain, a protagonist or an antagonist, do I love you or hate you” (idealization vs devaluation)

In the BPD community, many people have something called an FP (a Favorite Person)—this is a person you’ve formed an emotional dependency on that can quite literally make or break your day with the slightest provocation. Frankly, this is kind of difficult to talk about so I recommend skimming this article. Basically, you devolve intense feelings for a person (be it romantic or platonic) and when they give you attention or when you view their actions as positive, it’s like you’re happier than you’ve ever been but if you view something they did or said as a negative towards you (even if it wasn’t their intention), suddently your mood plummets so badly that you might feel physically pained or enter a major depressive episode or feel suicidal. (Not everyone has or has had an FP, but if you have one and they reject you and the relationship between the two of you is over, it can feel kind of like a soulmate au gone bad in which you gotta break this Profound Bond and it feels like you’re shattering. Not impossible to get over but you’ll be kind of broken for a while, or maybe just a little cracked forever.) ((Was Jack Zimmermann Kent’s FP???? Who knows, just don’t think about it))

While obviously relationships with people can often be intense and sometimes unstable, it doesn’t mean everyone is regarded with the same level of intensity and it doesn’t mean people with BPD don’t also have normal and healthy relationships and friendships. It truthfully depends on the person. Sometimes all relationships are affected, and sometimes it’s just one.

Disassociation—this can range from depersonalization (feeling disconnected from your body), derealization (feeling disconnected from reality), amnesia (lost time), and identity confusion (losing self).

Speaking of identity—people with BPD struggle with their self-image, and yes sometimes they will distort how they view themselves to fit their mood. I often see this brought up in fics in regards to Kent Parson as either having extreme narcissism or with an extremely low self worth. While those two things aren’t generally out of the realm of possibility, most of the time when it comes to people with BPD and their identity it’s more like they’re lost???? Idk how to describe it but amongst people with BPD, it’s common to feel like you don’t know who the real you is, or like there is no real you and you’re just made up of other people. It’s because sometimes we latch onto the habits and obsessions of others, of our friends and loved ones, and they become our habits and our obsessions, and sometimes realizing this can push you into a bit of an identity crisis????? (Does anyone have a way to put this into English that makes sense bc I’m doing my best here but I Suck soooo) EDIT: the word for it is “Identity Disturbance” and it’s A Big Thing

Seemingly unprovoked bursts of anger and irritability are not uncommon

A lot of people with BPD have abandonment issues. Be it real or imagined abandonment, many of us try to avoid feeling that kind (or any kind) of rejection, even if it means we’re the ones doing the rejecting first. I see this well represented in fics but it’s very dragged out. (Truthfully, imho people with BPD can kinda suck at rejecting people, like we’ll wanna do it so that you don’t do it to us but we can’t quite execute it all that well and when we do we try not to dwell on it.)

I have noticed in BPD!Parse fics, most of the time he has a healthy sense of distrust towards people and their intentions and that’s pretty accurate although sometimes it’s the exact opposite—you might trust too much or too quickly if you consider them Good.

Major depressive episodes are not at all uncommon. (I apologize bc I don’t think I’m going to be able to put in as much detail about this rn bc tbh I’m running on the Manic side lately and when I’m more manic I tend to forget what it’s like to feel depressed or just how those feelings come about until I get hit with a wave of them and then I just wallow.)

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts are not uncommon either, even if you aren’t going through a depressive episode or feeling sad. (An unfortunate percentage of people with BPD die from suicide.)

Some people experience intrusive thoughts or some form of psychosis (if I’m not mistaken the term “borderline” actually comes from an antiquated thought that people with BPD are “borderline psychotic” and so some places no longer use the term “borderline personality disorder” and rather call it an emotional intensity disorder or an “emotionally unstable personality disorder”—bc the latter is totally much better)

Looooots of anxiety, I don’t think in the same way you see in an anxiety disorder??? (I have both so it’s hard for me to describe and separate the two but from what I’ve heard, for people that don’t have an anxiety disorder but do have BPD, it can come in bouts, kind of like manic and depressive episodes but just anxiety and none of the high or low feelings????)

Trouble sleeping is common with people with BPD

Paranoia

A majority of the time, people with BPD also have other disorders such a depression, anxiety, substance abuse, eating disorders, or other personality disorders that coexist with your BPD.

And the last thing: if you’re reading this list and thinking “huh this sounds more like what I’ve read about bipolar disorder rather than borderline personality disorder” then the reason for it is bc the way bipolar disorder is presented in media is often similar to the reality of what it’s like to have BPD (and similarly there is so much more to bipolar disorder that is not presented in media accurately). The two can be very similar from an outsider’s point of view but to put it in oversimplified terms—people with BPD have more persistent day-to-day symptoms that impact them 24/7 whereas someone with bipolar disorder can go through periods of symptom-free wellness for days, weeks, or even years before falling into say a major manic episode. Our mood swings and episodes are also shorter and tend to run on patterns or are a direct reaction to life’s typical stressors—we can have multiple mood swings and episodes within a single day, whereas folks with bipolar disorder have seemingly no warning before an episode that can last months. Also while any form of mental illness (particularly ones that have to do with mania or delusions or hallucinations) can impact your relationship with people, typically people with bipolar disorder don’t have the same problems with interpersonal relationships like people with BPD do. (I hope I don’t sound like I’m “down selling” bipolar disorder or anything, truthfully I’m just not knowledgeable enough to feel comfortable speaking on it but I do know that these are some of the differences between the two and that BPD and bipolar disorder are often misdiagnosed as each other.)

Anyways y’all, BPD is a really serious disorder. Most of the time we’re people that are considered high functioning because it’s a disorder that affects emotions and relationships and sometimes that only seemingly affects our personal and social lives and not our professional or academic lives.

We’re typecast as dramatic and manipulative and attention seekers. I’d personally argue that we aren’t (for the most part) but our behavior can get really poor and we can feel desperate and enslaved by our emotions. We can’t really help it but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t hold us accountable if we act horribly. The point of this is just that if you want to write about this disorder or cast a character with it, try to understand beyond what you’ve seen or heard portrayed by people who don’t have to live with it.

BPD is usually treated with cognitive behavioral therapy but it’s not at all uncommon to have medication as treatment of some of your symptoms or to be hospitalized for it. Personally I used to be on antipsychotics to help stabilize my moods and it was good but not a cure-all, of course. There is no cure for BPD.

This post is also known as: stop writing Kent Parson as an angsty piece of shit 2k18. I might accept BPD!Parse fics if he’s super excited and manic and forms intense bonds with people and doesn’t want to let them go but also BPD sucks so don’t romanticize it too much but also hello I love Kent Parson

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Would you ever want EE to do a proper mental health storyline for Ben, or would you be concerned they'd make a mess of it?

I say "proper" not to dismiss everything that's already happened but more... he's obviously got a mental illness but the characters and writing don't really acknowledge it properly, it's more an unnamed Thing that causes angst and drama and is just like... oh man, there'sBen being unreasonable and crazy again! Whew he tried to kill his dad and had a breakdown but anyways!!! As fans we can say this that and the other is subtext but it would be cool to have a story where he/his family and friends - and the audience - actually have to acknowledge it as something more than Just Ben Kicking Off, Again, or Daddy Issues, Again.

i def wouldn’t be opposed to it !! i mean i’ve been saying ben has bpd since i first started watching again 2019 and i still firmly stand by that lmao and to be perfectly honest i’m not NEARLY as critical of ee’s handling of delicate storylines as a lot of ppl online like tbh i think they’ve done a decent job of all the difficult sls they’ve had recently (except chantelle/gray’s but even then (controversial opinion incoming !) i think for as much of a piece of shit gray is he’s a really interesting character and in a sick kind of way i like his scenes bc the actor is really good at playing an absolutely despicable bastard so in a weird way i get why they’d milk him for all his worth but that’s another can of beans lmao) like i think bobby’s mental health sls were handled well (apart from the fact his ocd sl kind of disappeared but that’s not an issue w the sl itself) and so far imo they’ve done a p great job w isaac’s mh sl so i’m not one of those ppl who are like ‘omg no more serious/difficult sls the show isn’t good at them !!!’

if they were to do it it’d have to be some point in the future i mean w callum’s ptsd sl basically confirmed they’d have to kind of play that out and then give it a rest for a little while so maybe in a couple of years?? and imo if they were to give ben a mental health sl they’d have to have some big trigger/episode happen to kind of bring up the issue again bc like u said it’s kind of like swept under the rug for a lot of characters as ben being ben and plus aside from in the aftermath of the boat stuff last year he’s been fairly stable since he’s been w callum so you’d need some kind of catalyst to send him off the rails again for it to become an Actual Conversation. and if callum started seeing some more professionals long term for his ptsd it would make sense for him to maybe be more likely to call out issues as he sees them?? if that makes sense ??

(as for an actual bpd sl i wouldn’t be opposed to that either i mean i feel like more ppl need to know what bpd is/what it entails just in general plus all of the ground work is literally right there and has been since ben’s childhood like imo you could not get a better diagnosis for ben than bpd but that’s just me !! but on the flip side i know a lot of ppl would probably be super critical of it a) bc of ben’s past actions/behaviours w crime and his manipulation and stuff and ppl w bpd get a bad rep for manipulation anyway but i personally am all for bad/imperfect rep plus imo it would help explain some of that behaviour and b) bpd is so kind of unknown?? niche in a way ?? and like there SO many different experiences w the same disorder that there are bound to be ppl complaining abt how it’s inaccurate or whatever ?? like i’d get why the ee team would be like ‘not worth the aggro lmao x’ but like i said imo if they WERE to go that way w ben’s character there’s no better diagnosis for him than bpd so ..... and i know you didn’t ask abt this specifically but if they were to go this way this is what i would want lmao)

idk i guess a mental health sl for ben is not smth i desperately want bc in my heart him having bpd is canon as far as i’m concerned but at the same time it’s definitely not smth i’d be opposed to if ben’s mental health issues became a serious problem again u know??? like it would be really nice to be like ‘ben’s not causing this problems just for the fuck of it, there’s a reason and this is it’ but at the same time i get why as a show they might not wanna do that so ??? idk i’m not particularly bothered one way or the other bc like i said in my heart me and him are bpd twins so !!!

the ONLY reason i'd be apprehensive is bc of audience reaction. like nbf people's reactions to ben's actions last year when he was so clearly going thru a crisis were so ugly and genuinely difficult to read as a mentally ill person and i haven't forgotten or forgiven that plus seeing how ppl are already reacting to callum actually showing symptoms of his ptsd and being Obviously Mentally Ill the exact same way and it's already tiring and UGLY like honestly ??? the majority of ppl in this fandom aren't mature enough and don't have the critical thinking skills needed for such a serious sl for ben and/or callum. they didn't during callum's struggle w him coming out (it wasn't as bad then but i promise it was still there) they didn't during ben's deafness sl/his breakdown in the aftermath of that and they are already showing that they're gonna be the same during callum's ptsd sl. and it's irking bc it's like.... ben and callum are BOTH victims of traumatic childhoods and abuse and are BOTH pretty obviously dealing with mental health issues bc of the shit they've been thru but the minute they actually show symptoms or act in a way that is clearly bc of trauma and/or mental illness it's literally like the world is ending on here n the characters are being ruined and their relationship is being ruined etc and don't even get me started on the way they talk abt these symptoms completely ignoring the fact that these are actual real life symptoms of real life illnesses that affect real life ppl..... the way ppl used to talk abt ben struggling to cope w his disability used to COMPLETELY fuck w my head as someone who used to do similar things while i struggled w my disability .... aha ....

but that's neither here nor there lmao the point is it's not the show i don't trust to do a decent job it's the audience's ability to handle it for what mental illness actually entails (aka the difficult/ugly symptoms) while not be complete dicks about it or making it abt ballum. but at the same time i wouldn't be opposed to a mental health sl for ben at all !!! i'd probably just hope it's not anytime in the next year or so and then disappear off the internet while it plays out lmao

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