#because either he blasts the shit out of you with his magic and wins

[soulsxng]

"Mmm, I don't really want to fight right now, though. Sounds like a hassle. My hair is super nice today too, and this is totally gonna ruin it."

"If that's the case, you can feel free to forfeit...though I was hoping to get a little bit of a workout from this."

Zahine Besiira: His biggest three abilities are his affinity for ice, and his abilities to inflict charm (which he's not allowed to use, because it doesn't really wear off, and tends to essentially brainwash whoever gets hit with it), and frenzy respectively. For ice, he prefers to use it at a longer range-- typically forming arrows and a bow of ice that will spread over his opponent's body, or burst once they're hit, depending on how gory he feels like getting that day...though he can also use it for deflecting other ranged attacks away from himself. He's exceptionally knowledgeable in anatomy and the like, and his precise aim allows him to target vulnerable areas with relative ease. As for frenzy, the most dangerous thing about this state is that it makes the opponent lose any and all inhibition, and they will fight even at the expense of harming themselves. It also usually tires them out quickly, as they expend huge bursts of energy to attack pretty much whatever catches their attention.

Aside from that, he's actually the most dangerous when he's up close. Typically, he tries to keep a more "impersonal" approach to fighting, which is a big part of why he usually fights at range. Once he's fired up enough to allow someone to get in close, he uses his brute strength to take them out immediately. Surprising to most, his physical strength is actually much higher than his magical strength, so they'll get close thinking he'll be at a disadvantage, only to have him literally crack them like a glow stick. Also, major healing! But he doesn't usually do too much of that in a fight, if he doesn't have to. He's stubborn about that.

Ber Bireth: Primarily a caster, relying on elemental magic (He really has next to no physical strength. It's very similar to what an average human's might be)-- he favors the earth element most, as he feels it gives him the most range for "status affliction" type attacks. That being said, he does also tend to favor large scale, powerful magics right off the bat, and has the energy to cast them more frequently than most others would. Tends to just wrap himself up nice and cozy in the strongest barrier he can cast, and sit there while his ranged magics force his opponents to run around the field like a headless chicken, trying to dodge them.

The biggest issue with fighting him (in a battle like this anyway-- otherwise it's the fact that he just regenerates immediately upon being killed, and comes at you like an angry cat that you just tried to drop in a bath tub) is by far his command over time based magics. Though he's no longer one of the masters of the Stream of Time, he's still able to do things like temporarily speed up, slow down, or stop time. He can also leap forward and back in any given timeline, but he's not allowed to do that here. He also isn't allowed to just indefinitely pause time to decimate his opponent while they're frozen. Soul sight and hearing means that, if his opponent has a soul, Ber knows exactly where they are at any given time. He can also manipulate souls like his dad can, but...again...that's not allowed here either. No murder, baby Ber. That's bad.

[sonicasura]

Absolutely nutty idea.

Trollhunters but Jim physically performs a 100% better when music is playing. You know like Mad Rat Dead or Hi-Fi Rush where the main character moves better as their actions match the beat of the song. Only Toby and Barbara sees it like an odd quirk while anyone else thinks its either magic or the guy took something.

Just imagine when Jim is fighting Draal in 'Win, Lose or Draal', the Trollhunter's phone flies out of the arena. The moment it hits the ground, it plays something like 'Find Your Flame' at full blast and everything takes a 180. It's Draal now backed into a corner.

Jim somehow bumps from amateur to seasoned sword wielding gremlin. Man is fucking everywhere as his moves and attacks seemingly shift into a vicious dance. The trolls are so confused at the huge leap in skill while Toby just shouting 'Dance, Jim, Dance!'

It pretty much leads Blinky, AAARRRGGHH and Draal to believe Jim has some sort of enchantment that triggers under music. A thought which suddenly becomes mutual to all his enemies because no way is this normal. Not even Morgana or Gunmar believe the Trollhunter isn't using some undetectable magic.

Also, the image of Jim being a menace in the Darklands to 'You're Gonna Go Far, Kid' by the Offspring is hilarious to me. He's a song based adrenaline junkie whose fully ready for a beat to drop. I'm pretty sure it scares the shit outta even the mightiest troll without any context.

[lenorethequietbookkeeper]

Celestia and Luna v The Holders

Djskskdnm oh man we're starting off with the big guns eh?

---

v. Charles

This one's not close at all, the princesses through and through. Charles is literally made of a shitload of ash compacted together with magic, so either alicorn (Celestia especially) could unravel his ass in ten seconds flat. I'm sure he could get some hits in, but the twink is getting obliterated for sure.

---

v. Ferris

Ok like, in hand to hand combat, Ferris would definitely lose. His regenerative capabilities and tendril veins may help him last a bit, but given Celestia and Luna have literally centuries worth of combat experience, they could easily take him.

Buuuut the thing is Ferris is not a direct fighter, and his preferred technique could actually give him an advantage; luring people into death traps. Shedskin Park is a dangerous place if you already know what you're in for. If he successfully lured the princesses into the forest, Ferris could just wait for one of the horrible things there to kill Celestia and Luna for him. Or he could wait for them to get separated and kill them either from a distance or via some elaborate trap he set up earlier.

Now to be fair, Celestia and Luna aren't total morons so they probably could fight off a lot of the stuff in there...but you also have to keep in mind they're entering a place full of monster fauna, mechanical fish mutants, violent raiders, and that's just what I have set in stone right now.

Final answer though? Once the princesses get their hands on Ferris, he's fucked. But the sneaky shit could also take them down if they're not careful.

---

v. John

This one's also not close lol. John is probably the frailest of the holders, it really wouldn't take a lot to kill him. Don't get me wrong, the weather manipulation would likely stall Celestia and Luna a little bit. Still, given they beat Sombra on his own terf, and John doesn't have dark magic to help him out on this, he's definitely losing.

---

v. Jeagar

This one's interesting because Jeagar is the most proficient in magic amongst the holders, especially with reality bending via infectious mutation, so he actually would have a chance in direct combat. If the spores or gross goo from the fungus he conjures gets into either princess' bloodstream, then they would eventually either die or get mutated into Lovecraftian hellbeasts.

But this is all assuming this is happening in Jeagar's territory. Realistically, if Celestia and Luna just kept their distance and didn't try directly engaging him, they likely would win. Seriously, if they take skele-nerd out of his element and don't let him flee, I think the two ancient magic horses could blast his ass back to the Jurassic period.

---

v. Daniel

This is actually the only one I think the princesses would likely lose on, and that's cause of one advantage Daniel has over Jeagar. While skele-slut basically only uses icky bugs and mushrooms, androgy-droid relies on technology and giant steampunk weapons. Now, all the other holders have and use firearms, but they're all terrible shots and more heavily rely on magic/tricks. Not only is Daniel the best marksman, but his magic is intrinsically tied to weapons.

What I'm basically saying is that he could probably just conjure up a magic gun and take out Celestia and Luna with relative ease, if not horribly wound them. If he can't get space and time to turn some dirt into a gun, he can turn his larger arm into one and use that. And sure, the princesses do have the advantage of being able to fly and teleport, which definitely would drag the fight on, but all Daniel really needs is one good shot...

-From Biblically Accurate Producer!

[crystalelemental]

“alphakuriboh: Explain the Exodia deck out?”

This gets its own post.  This one has lore.

When I was in college, a friend of mine ran the Gaming Club, and I had convinced him to set up Yugioh as a distinct group.  They had Magic as a tournament thing, and I wanted to push Yugioh competitions.  He agreed, we got it set up, debuting with a duel between the two of us in which he used his big dragons, and I used the frogs.  I won, but I digress.  This drew in a lot of casual players, one of which was another friend of mine.  We’ll need to distinguish them, so we’ll call the first one Chaos Friend for reasons soon to be apparent, and the other Casual Friend.

So, Casual Friend came to a few events, and couldn’t really place too well.  So he asked Chaos Friend for help.  Now, the thing about Chaos Friend is that he is unnaturally good at card games.  I won with the frogs, but almost only out of apathy.  He built that deck without ever having played Yugioh in like half an hour, and only barely lost.  He made a routine habit of borrowing people’s throwaway cards and trashing some of our best players for fun to learn the game.  Chaos Friend was both very talented, and also kind of like a mad scientist.  So he’d do chaotic shit with the decks that no one else would do.  So when Casual Friend asked him for a deck that was basically unbeatable, and was able to set up its win condition easily and with minimal effort, he just goes “I’m gonna build you an Exodia deck.”

To which I was like “Isn’t Exodia not even that good as an archetype?”

And he’s like “Trust me.”

So we get to the next tournament, and Casual Friend has his deck, and is just blasting everyone.  Like, clearing every round in record time, on an unstoppable rampage.  I can’t remember the exact structure, but the gist was one of each of your Exodia pieces, some general tech for drawing extra cards, something that brought a card from the grave to the hand, a ton of Normal monsters with high attack, and Heart of the Underdog.  The deck’s entire function was to get Heart of the Underdog in play, and when you drew on turn 2, you just kept drawing, and could use something to draw again and keep the chain going basically forever until you cycled the entire deck, getting Exodia into the hand on turn two, almost every time.  Basically, if you didn’t have something to cancel the activation of Heart of the Underdog in that opening turn, you lost.  It was incredibly on brand for Chaos Friend’s preference of just winning immediately.

So, the finals of the tournament that week was his Exodia deck, and my Fortune Lady deck.  Worth noting, I did not see the creation of this deck, and because he finished so fast, no one he played against had been able to like...watch the event unfold to learn it.  So I’m going into this blind.

Round 1 he stomps me.  I get to see the deck run in all its ruthless efficiency.  Having lost, I get to go first.

Round 2 though, I now know how all of this works, and got Mystical Space Typhoon in the opening hand, got to shut down Heart of the Underdog, and grind the whole machine to a halt that let me stage a win.  Apparently a few others had gotten this far too, but getting it to happen twice hadn’t happened.

It didn’t happen for me either.  I didn’t actually get what I needed.  But my sheer coincidence, he wasn’t having luck getting it either in the opening turn or two.  But what I did get was a decent setup with Light and Future Visions/Compulsory Evacuation Device to get the ball rolling.  And the joy of the Fortune Ladies is that they can mildly swarm, so we got some pressure going, and at one point, get enough pressure on him to make a risky play to get an extra block to attacks by placing an Exodia piece.  It’s okay, he has the ability to get one back, but now he needs two things as he desperately fishes through his deck.  I take it out, and the next turn, he gets Heart of the Underdog up, and has something to kick off the effect.  Chaos Friend, who has been watching his work’s relentless success with glee, announces GG.

“Yeah it is, but give it a minute.”

Confused, he leans in and is like “Okay, what did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re too calm for nothing.”

“No really, I didn’t do anything.  You keep track of his graveyard?”

Early in the match, he’d gotten a bad hand, and one of the reset buttons was Card Destruction, which was only limited at the time (I think it was banned at one point in that era, but I can’t remember for sure).  And he had taken the gamble of tossing away the retrieval spell, expecting a quick end as soon as he could get his setup.  But when I was able to apply enough pressure to force him to play an Exodia piece as his only remaining monster from the hand to block a defeat, he’d completely lost, because Exodia couldn’t be gathered anymore.

Long story short, Chaos Friend started cackling as Casual Friend drew every card in his deck and couldn’t find what he needed, dug through his discard pile to find out where it went, then realized what had happened.

And that’s how I beat an Exodia deck by deck-out.

[mrfandomgage]

Chara, standing in the middle of a valley: So, you're sure about this? The last time I fought someone, they nearly died?

Gage, summoning his jet hammer: The faster I write this scene, the faster I go back to writing something else.

Chara: Cool it Meta, I just wanted to ask. Got a knack for big hammers?

Gage, removing his cloak: You just brought a kitchen knife?

Chara: I have a bit more focus on magic is all, gotta stay loose.

Frisk, watching with Sans: so, you're the referee right?

Sans: essentially. I need to stop them before either of them land a fatal hit is all

Frisk: That's reassuring...

Sans: On your marks. Get set.

"GO!" Sans shouts, with a thunderous sound of a Gaster Blaster firing into the air.

Chara dashes, vanishing from from sight, a trail of dirt and debris obscuring Gage's vision. Landing behind Gage, Chara attempts to plunge the knife into his back. The knife strikes into rigid metal lining, as the hammer was flipped in Gage's hand to protect himself. The hammer sweeps threw the air, clearing dust. Chara dodged, jumping back from the hammer's reach.

Gage turns around, mounting the hammer onto his shoulder with a shit eating grin. He stands as still as a statue, then moves quickly without a sound. The hammer slams into the ground, dirt and dust trailing his form, flowing in the hammer's arc down, creating a small crater, and launching rocks, and Chara, into the air, as Gage remains elevated by the pole of his hammer.

Chara cuts the air, making a bleeding tear of energy rip through sound, crashing into the ground. Blasting up dirt, stone and dust, it's unclear whether Chara landed a single blow. Chara falls to the ground, landing on a leg, and making a pained grunt.

"Chara! Are you alright?" Frisk shouted from the sideline.

"I think I fucked up my ankle, but other than that, I'm good. Probably!" Chara responds, trying to mitigate his pain as best he can.

The sound of a jet engine igniting, and the sight of a bright orange flame appears in the cloud. The fire spins, then faster and faster, until one immediate burst of energy clears all the dust in the air. Gage stands, his hammer still burning. Breathing heavily, it's is easy to see in his pose he's exhausted. It's easy to see crimson flowing from his black clothes. His arms and legs both bleeding, dripping on the ground.

Chara stands up, readying his guard, as Gage slowly reaches a stance to hold his still burning hammer. Letting go on one arm, Gage starts spinning, as if he's lost control and has become a top, only to get faster, til he's wirling like a tornado. Flying into the air, the forms become less recognizable as a human holding a hammer, but like that of a black hole with three rings containing it.

As propelled by the hammer, Gage flies down, striking right on top of Chara, cratering the area. Chara screams, as he drops to a knee holding up the full force of the hammer with his knife. Gage, holds his ground above Chara, increasing the pressure. The hammer's flame grows longer, and burns blue, pushing Chara into the ground. A bright ruby light glows beneath the overwhelming sapphire illumination.

The hammer head shatters, scattering into the air and Gage's arms swing up holding a pole. As Chara is diving at Gage, seconds from piercing his abdomen, as time appears to become still. In fact Gage and Chara realize they can't move at all.

"We have our winner. Good job Chara", Sans says in a plain tone. Sans drops the both of them as Frisk cheers on Chara for winning the fight.

Chara, dusting himself off: Are you ok?

Gage, dropping his pole and dropping himself to the ground: I'm fine. Good job on winning.

Chara: this win kinda feels... pointless? I mean, you're a god and all-

Gage, bleeding in the dirt: Pish posh. Just because I write the world doesn't mean I automatically succeed at everything or hand out things to others. I'm still fair. Look at it like this, we had equal levels of strength and power, because that's fair, it's a balanced fight right?

Chara, thinking: well, of course-

Gage, turning onto his back to look up: NOPE! Even with equal power and strength, we are unbalanced, probably even more so. With how you kicked dirt into my eyes, I had to spend energy to dedicate time to clearing it, and my most significant damage is probably a sprained ankle, while right now, I can't regenerate because I did something incredibly stupid just to try looking cool

Chara: and that is?

Gage: so, I may have froze time for every speck of dust, so I could make it seem like I was able to instantaneous wind tunnel all that dust away

Chara: you... froze time?

Gage: yes.

Chara: for dirt and dust. Just to blow it away?

Gage: I thought it looked cool

Chara: now I know how Frisk feels when I'm playing one of her video games and do something only because it looks cool

Sans, walking up: can either of you walk? If so I know a shortcut

Frisk: if not, I'll help you walk sweetie

Chara, looking at Gage: and him?

Gage, still bleeding: I can crawl

Sans: not to be rude, but that idea ironically isn't that grounded. Not to be a grass or anything, but ya gotta be stoned to do that

Everyone: *deep sighing*

[banjokazooiey]

Hi! If you’re taking requests, could I ask for headcanons of Kakyoin asking the reader out? Thanks a ton!

i’m so sorry i took so long to get around to this.. halloween, last day at work, college.. but here i am now with headcanons of Noriaki Kakyoin asking out reader!

This boy is nervous. He’s never even had a bond strong enough to develop feelings for someone else, so when you bounce into his life during Egypt, it’s a rough start. But, slowly, you bond. Over video games, over philosophical conversations, times where you both couldn’t sleep and would end up on the roof of the hotel or on a balcony. It just seems somehow you’re connected, weirdly enough. You guys are kind of like a hivemind.

This connection only continues strengthening during the trip, and at the end when you all faced DIO.. Noriaki had come very, very close to dying. With a gnarly blast to his abdomen, even he thought he was done for. But, when he was on the brink of going out, your hands grabbed his cheeks. ‘Nori! Nori, please, please stay with me!’ You screamed out, tears flowing down your cheeks like a river. The desperation in your tone and the look on your face; though hard to see; just summarized what was between you two and developing throughout the journey. Love. And that was enough for him to hang on until he’ll arrived, and the Speedwagon Foundation used their magic to somehow bring him back. (While you couldn’t be with him in the ambulance, you didn’t want to be since you had a job to do; kill DIO for fucking with your Nori.)

Rehabilitation after that was hard; it seemed that trip really just had him trying to fix every part of his body, between his eyes and basically lower half of his body. But, you made it easier. Every day you came, bringing schoolwork, snacks and moral support. You never missed a single day. Sometimes you even ended up falling asleep there, in an uncomfortable hospital chair. Moments like those, where he’d look over and see the serene look on your face as you slept (you desperately needed it, you really hadn’t gotten a full night’s rest in months) made him fall even harder.

He constantly kicks himself for not having asked you out during high school, because before you know it, you’re all graduating. Jotaro, you and Kakyoin decide to all have a party to celebrate all three of you; it was easier that way, after all. Lots of people show up, it’s a great time.. but you and Noriaki get a moment together, just the two of you. Some old love song plays, and you ask if he’ll dance with you.

Of course, he enthusiastically grabs your hand and slow dances with you. Your small hand grasping his.. it makes his heart flutter, and he nearly doubles over when you lean your head up against his chest. One of his hands sits at your waist, thumb gently rubbing against you. It’s when you say one thing that he really short circuits; ‘I love you, Nori. I always have. You’re my everything.’

He loses his shit in his head. You loved him?! Maybe he knew it, deep deep down.. but hearing it out loud makes him want to cry. Right as he opens his mouth to reply, someone yells for the two of you.

So, that’s where you’re at. He knows you like him.. so that isn’t a worry, or shouldn’t be; spoiler alert, it still is worrying him; but also, this has to be perfect. Romantic, cute, fun, just like you. He’s never thought about what to do when asking someone out.. but, then he comes up with the perfect plan.

You get a text one day that he wants to meet you at the arcade, which is a commonplace for the two of you. You told him you loved him, and he hadn’t brought it up again.. you’re feeling anxious. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way? Maybe he already has a partner? But, you want him; no, need him; in your life. So, if he doesn’t bring it up, you won’t either.

At the arcade, the two of you fuck around playing the machines and try to win tickets.. and what type of trip to the arcade would it be if you didn’t play the claw machine? Nori is an expert with them. He wins you a cute little dinosaur, and your heart soars. It’s not long before you rack up a ton of tickets and go to the prize booth. He lets you decide on what you guys get; another plushie, it’s a giant Pikachu, who doesn’t want it?; but you miss him using some spare tickets to get something in particular, slipping it into his pocket.

He offers to go back to his place to play video games afterwards. Who would deny that? Getting back, nobody is home. He walks you upstairs, where a few fake candles are going. Which.. is weird for his room, but you shrug it off. Sitting on the edge of his bed, you grab a controller before glancing over to see he has not joined you yet, instead he’s hunched over his desk. He looks sweaty.

With an amused chuckle, you raise an eyebrow at his antics. “What’re you up to, Nori?” you prod, tilting your head like a curious little puppy. He sharply exhales before walking up to you and dropping down on a knee. “You know, you’re my favorite person.. you always indulge me when I get on my tangents, you.. ah, um, saved my life, and, well..”

Then, he holds up this tacky little plastic ring with a centerpiece that looks like a poorly painted PlayStation controller. “Will you marry me?”

“WILL I WHAT?!”

“Shit!” He exclaims, free hand slapping his face as he blushes cherry red. “I- t-that’s not what I meant! I meant, uh, will you be my partner? Romantic. Romantic partner.”

You stare down at him in shock for a minute before bursting out in laughter; which for a minute soils his ego before you duck your head down to kiss his forehead. “You’re such a dork, Nori. I would love for you to be my boyfriend.”

He beams, a bright smile that covers his whole face and presents cute little dimples, before grabbing your right hand and sliding the ring onto your ring finger. Surprisingly, it’s a good fit. “I’ll give you this now.. the next one I give you, it’ll go on the other side.”

Now it’s your turn to turn red, an embarrassed smile on your face. “I, um.. thought you didn’t like me, after you didn’t reply at the party. I’m still kind of shocked..”

“I know I’m hard to read.. and that I struggle with emotions,” he begins, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, “but I’m working on it. Just.. companionship as a whole is something new to me. And, verbalizing them is even harder. But, believe me when I say this; I love you with every fiber of my being.”

Good to know that Kakyoin is incredibly romantic when he’s passionate. His words make you want to cry, and you can’t help but bring your hands up to cup his cheeks. He’s so large compared to you. “Can I.. can we kiss?” you quietly ask.

He frantically nods, and you press your lips onto his. It’s sloppy, and obviously shows inexperience between you two, but.. that becomes one of many that night as you half play games and half make out, just to test the waters. But, at the end of the night, when the two of you are curled up together in his bed, he’s confident in the future; with you by his side, he could do anything.

[xpeachesncream]

witcher jimin | one shot

NOTICE ! ! ANY MAN who wants to test his manliness by slugging it out in the ring, come see us and you'll fight the best brawlers around town! REWARD will be in coins and a pub voucher, must win 2 out of 3 fights!

summary: jimin decides to join in brawl night at a local pub, only to find out that his last round was against you, the count’s daughter herself.

pairing: lady!reader x witcher!pjm

words: 6.9k

warnings: cussing/mature language, killing/murder, mentions of killing/murder, mentions of arson, use of knives/daggers, implied sexual content, use of magic, attempted rape, physical fights/altercations, bruises/wounds, slight degradation, unprotected sex, straddling, dry humping, fingering, oral (m. receiving), doggy style near the window?, sprinkle of cum eating, gagging (on jimin’s dick), breast play, slight dirty talking

notes: please also check out this taehyung one shot - i literally whipped both of these up last minute so pls excuse any grammar errors or mistakes. enjoy!

tags: @miinoongi​

➺ TERMS

witcher senses - superhuman senses that allow witchers to see clues and tracks that no other human can see/pick up on.

axii sign - one of the 5 simple, magical signs witchers can use; a charm placed on an opponent. if the charm attempt is successful, the enemy will become your ally for a short while, fighting at your side.

aard sign - one of the 5 simple, magical signs witchers can use; a telekinetic wave that can throw back, knock down or stun an opponent. this sign can also be used to destroy obstacles, like crumbling walls or stacks of barrels.

igni sign - one of the 5 simple, magical signs witchers can use; causes a burst of fire that can repel and ignite opponents, as well as start fires.

trial of grasses - an incredibly painful trial in which younger witcher apprentices were subjected to; required the consumption of special alchemical ingredients known as the ‘grasses’ and affected the nervous system.

Jimin tugs on his hood, his eyes glowing from underneath as he approaches the abandoned village. He closes his eyes for a second, tapping into his witcher senses to figure out where the hell this man was.

His scent lingers, and it's strong. He isn't alone.

Normally, Jimin sticks to the witcher code, helping slay monsters, beasts and all that shit that you don't normally deem as real when indeed, it's real as it can ever be. But, if he does come across a contract that requires him to kill a human or non-human at the very least, he'll do it. For good coin. He'll do it and get along with his life, no question. It's not that he was heartless, because he doesn't find himself to be. He was just born to be a witcher, and a witcher is what he'll be. He wasn't one to take sides. You didn't have to explain shit to him. If you really believed someone was worth killing, then why would he question it as a witcher?

Jimin slowly follows the tracks he can pick up on through his senses, leading up to a house near the far end of the abandoned village. Most cabins burnt to ash, the others halfway standing. However, this cabin stood tall, the only thing missing was parts of its roof.

Not only did this man owe debt, but he set this entire village on fire to play it off and erase his name from the light. But, he's not so bright. He thinks he's gonna get away with it, but he doesn't expect Jimin to be right where he doesn't expect him to be. Jimin watches from behind as the male figure stands in front of his door, gun drawn, ready for Jimin to walk through the door so that he can blast his shit off.

Except, not today. Jimin casts his Aard sign, the gun flinging to the opposite room as the front door flies open, the male's body crashing harshly against his own cabin wall. Jimin hears the female, whom he assumes is either his wife or mistress, scream loudly in the room to his left, her hands over her ears as she hugs her legs tightly against her chest. Once his body crashes against the wall and falls to the floor, Jimin picks him up with one hand, bringing him to eye level.

"P-Please, witcher. Spare me. I swear I had good reason--"

"You had good reason to set the entire fucking village on fire? Making these people flee the comfort of their homes just because your dumbass didn't wanna pay back your debt? Yes, great reason." Jimin's veins are popping through his neck as he pushes the male against the wall, hand grasping his neck tightly.

"P-Please, let him go! He didn't do none. He only meant good, witcher." She yells from the room.

"See, she telling the truth, sir." Jimin rolls his eyes, his grip around his neck tightening as he silently casts Axii on the female. Suddenly, she sits up straight, her eyes wide but all life behind it was lost.

"Kill him, witcher. He planned this just to clear his name. He wanted to frame it on his best friend."

"Hear that? Looks like she doesn't care about you anyway." Jimin smirks as he removes the Axii spell on her, his wife or mistress [whatever the fuck she is] resumes her normal crying and yelling as if she wasn't just put under a hypnotic spell.

"Sorcery!" His eyes widened in fear. "Fucking witchcraft, I tell ya! Y-you put a spell on her, fucking witchcraft!" He repeats.

"You're quite tiring to listen to." Jimin says, taking his two blades and swiping them both across his neck in an 'x' motion. The female begins to scream bloody murder, begging and pleading Jimin to leave her alone. He waves her off, even though she's repeatedly yelling that she'll have people come after him as he searches the house. "Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. I'd love to kill more people if that's what you want, sweetheart." He says, throwing things around the house. He spots a box in the far corner of the room she just occupied. He lifts the lid open to see a huge bag full of coin, making Jimin shake his head. "Unbelievable. Had the money, was just selfish. Didn't wanna pay one fucking coin and would rather risk other people's lives." Jimin takes the bag and buries it in his satchel before casting the Igni sign on the male's body, walking out as the body and the cabin burn in flames.

Jimin returns to the nearby town, heading straight for the person who put up the notice on the notice board. He throws the debt bag on the table in front of him, before rolling his neck around and cracking it.

"Your debt." Jimin says, cleaning off his two blades. The male smiles from ear to ear, handing him a small bag of coins.

"Thanks for your work, witcher." Jimin nods, taking the bag, excusing himself without saying anything. He bites onto his apple, taking it as his late afternoon snack and not really looking for a good meal. He makes his way back to the notice board near the town square, checking to see if there were other jobs posted for him to take on. He notices a piece of paper he didn't see earlier, but not for a job - just for a brawl happening at the pub behind him. He tucks the piece of paper in his pants, figuring he could stop by to check it out. Maybe get in a round or two, get some extra coin.

And so later that night, Jimin returns to the pub after completing various other small jobs that needed a witcher's touch. The pub is loud as hell, and it's almost packed from wall to wall with all men. They're all drunk as fuck as they tip their beer jugs back, slamming it back down onto the table and calling the server for another round. It reeks of sweaty, drunk men and Jimin is not intrigued whatsoever. But, he's still interested in fighting just for shits and fucks. He doesn't need to prove himself to anybody - everybody is more than aware of what a witcher is capable of.

"Last slot open, anybody?" The host yells, causing Jimin to silently step forward. "Sir, please fill out your name here." Jimin does as he's told before shoving the paper and pen aside, his hood still hovering over his face and eyes.

"Settle down everybody! The fights will begin in just a minute!" Jimin stands aside, letting out a sigh at all the dramatics being done over a brawl fight.

"Round one, Jimin and Felix!" Jimin steps up, while Felix stands in front of him, hopping back and forth between his left and right foot, shirtless and in shorts.

"Take the hood off, pussy." He spits out, causing Jimin to smirk. He does as he's told, the entire crowd either gasping or silent. "Oh shit, a-a w-witcher. I-I'm—"

"You talking about me or you now?" Jimin mocks him, swirling his twin blades around in his hand to provoke him and get him riled up. This Felix dude suddenly shrinks before him, his body language tense and scared having to fight a witcher tonight. The entire crowd is silent, but no one puts a stop to this because they wanted to see it anyway. People were fake and full of shit, and Jimin honestly gets so tired of it. Thank god he was a witcher.

The fight gets off to a quick start, Jimin's daggers hidden against his hips and tucked into his pants. But, this was a physical fight and Jimin was ready to get show off, show off his 'manliness.' He's not gonna lie though, he's had a few hiccups in the next round, probably due to the fact that he had been fighting all day. But, he was ready to win the last round. He was ready to beat that ass, grab his coins and leave.

You, being the last opponent, stepped up into the ring, your figure a lot smaller than the last two fights the witcher had put up. You had majority of your face covered besides your eyes. Jimin looks at you in confusion, but he's still in fight mode for the most part.

"You're not gonna take off the—" Jimin starts, but is pulled out of his thoughts when you swipe your feet across his, making him lose his footing and fall to his side. He groans, but he hops back up, ready to swing at you as much as he can. He dodges, he blocks, he rolls to the side, but you're able to land a few good ones against his muscular chest, his stomach and near his jaw. "Fuck!" He groans, trying to grip you by the neck, but you dodge him. You feel successful until he catches you from behind, pushing you against the wall roughly that you wince and can no longer get out of his grip. "I literally should fucking kill you right now." He says through gritted teeth.

"Fuck you." You spit out. You try to get out of it by kicking him, pushing him off, literally anything, but his witcher strength just becomes too unbearable, especially after provoked apparently. You watch as he takes a blade out from the side of his pants, bringing the blade close to your neck. "Do it!" You yell, but he suddenly stops, and lets go of you even though he's still just inches away. He catches the strand of hair that falls over your eyes, long and thick, and he's able to catch onto your scent through that strand. "Wait, you're-you're a—" You kick him away and dash off, Jimin clutching at his stomach as he weakly gets declared the winner tonight. Once he gathers himself, he throws his cloak over his body, quickly grabbing his bag of coins and pub voucher before he turns to his witcher sense to follow your scent.

You hide up at your normal spot that overlooks the town and the small castle you lived in near the back end. You removed your hood and mask, wincing at the pain that happened from the brawl. Honestly, you just wanted to try everything and anything to feel normal, for once. You wanted to do things out of the ordinary, like box and fight, do archery. But like mom says, none of that shit is built for royal women. A women stays home. A women cleans. A women bears the child, feeds the child, takes care of the child. A women this and that at home. It's insane how crazy strict it is to be a part of a royal family, and quite frankly, you hated it. You wanted out.

You sat perched up on the corner of the roof that you had access to, gripping onto your side as you tried to adjust your shirt and remove your jacket. Your hair flows freely in the slight. breeze, one hand running through your hair, while the other grasped at your side. Suddenly, you feel a hand cover your mouth, your eyes widening in fear.

"It's just me. No need to yell." You furrow your brows as the individual slowly gets go of your mouth so you can turn to face them. You see the witcher himself, glowing eyes from underneath the hood.

"Ah, here to finally kill me?" You joked before rolling your eyes and attempting to get up. However, you still feel hurt, and you fall back down into your position causing Jimin to try and support you. "I'm fine." You wave him off.

"The hell were you doing in there? You could've gotten killed— I could've—"

"Killed me, yeah I know." Jimin waits for a response but it never comes.

"So?"

"Why does it matter, witcher? And how did you even find me?" Jimin removes his hood and sits next to you. This is the first time you're able to really look at his features - his jawline, his grey-ish hair and how some fall over his eyes, the scar across his cheek and at the base of his neck.

"You just answered your own question. I can pick up your scent from miles away."

"So why does it matter?"

"You're the count's daughter."

"H-how do you know that?" He slightly smirks.

"I know a lot. Why are you hiding?"

"I'm not hiding." You look at him, his eyes still stuck on you as he waits for a better response. "I just hate being there." You nodded towards the castle. "I hate it."

"You are the count's daughter." He chuckled.

"So? Ugh, god. The royalties and all that comes with it. It's fucking gross. They expect me to follow along and go with it like everything's fine and dandy. It's not. I don't wanna do any of that shit."

"Why do this, when you have the entire world at your fingertips?"

"I don't want the entire world. I just wanna be me. Normal. Live a normal fucking life, not this royalty shit."

"I don't mean to butt in, but can't you just talk to your parents instead of being out here like that? You certainly could have gotten badly hurt, let alone killed, and I don't think the pub is truly a place for a lady." He watches as you slightly wince at your side. "I'm sorry." He lifts his hand to touch your side. You slightly gasp at his touch, goosebumps surfacing your body.

"There's no talking with them, Jimin." You remember his name from the fight. "I'm just stuck with it. I was born into this and quite frankly, there's no getting away with it."

"Sorry." He repeats. "I honestly really am sorry for hurting you—If I knew you were.. you, I really wouldn't have laid a hand on you like that."

"No I know."

"You do this all the time? The pub brawls?" He worries.

"No, tonight was the first night I said fuck it. I'll try and get away with it."

"Not the best idea." You look down at your hands.

"When my uncle was around, he used to take me away from that place. He'd teach me how to ride horses better, train me in archery, take me fishing at the lake." You slightly chuckled. "Things that ladies don't normally do. He knew I was interested and wanted to learn, and he always had to talk to my mother to let me do so. If she didn't agree, he still took me to learn." You laughed.

"Where is he now, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Died in the war."

"I'm sorry to hear."

"No biggie." You turned to him again. "What were you even doing there?"

"Just for giggles." He slightly chuckles. "Been working on contracts all day, figured I could give myself a break."

"A break by fighting at a pub brawl? You witchers are weird."

"Only some of us." He jokes. "You gonna get back home?"

"Yeah, I should before they send a whole crew after me." You stand up slowly, gripping at your side. "There's a ball tomorrow and I can't afford them to be on my ass. I don't wanna hear it."

"Can I at least accompany you home? It's the least I could do." He stands and looks at you. "Not sure if I trust you to make it alone just fine, either."

"Do you trust me at all?" You chuckle.

"I mean, I don't see why I can't." Jimin responds flatly as he supports your arm. The walk isn't too far, or it actually goes by quick because you're able to talk to Jimin about life in the castle. He doesn't speak much about being a witcher, nor how this all came about, but you knew it wasn't an easy topic. You knew of the Trial of Grasses that young witchers had to endure and you could only imagine how traumatic that would be. But you weren't one to speak - you couldn't relate. So, you don't press on him, allowing him to share what he wants to share, and you've realized Jimin isn't as bad as you thought. You have to be honest, you also carried those assumptions about witchers with you heavily. You thought they were beings who had no goal but to kill - your first encounter with Jimin tonight initially being of no help to that.

You lead Jimin towards the backway of the castle - the path oddly never guarded by any guards. Your room window is right next to the castle's fancy little fire escape and above a wooden platform that you use to hop on and off of.

"Smooth escape system you have there." Jimin chuckles as he helps you up the steps carefully, stopping midway up since he's unsure if he's allowed to step foot inside. "You good?" He asks from outside.

"You can come in, no one bothers me unless I ask them to." You say, signaling for him to come through your window. Jimin awkwardly steps in, letting his hood down as he takes a look at the rather large space that you call your room. Your bed was neatly made, large headboard pressed against the wall. You had an abnormally large dresser and vanity to the opposite side and a rug below your bed. Other than that, it was empty space. Lots of empty space.

"Your room is huge." Jimin stands near the window awkwardly, afraid to overstep boundaries.

"Too huge." You take off your jacket, revealing a thin tshirt underneath. Jimin couldn't help but stare your figure through the shirt, lightly licking his bottom lip as you brush your hair slowly, still wincing in pain.

"You should apply some hot compress to that bruise or something." He says, feeling terrible all over again for how hard he pushed you against the wall.

"I will." You say. "I'll be back, I need to shower. Care to stay for a bit?"

"Sure."

"Unless you have monster thingies to do."

"Think I'm done for the day."

"Sit." You say, as he removes his cloak and his sweater, leaving himself in his white shirt [that has small stains from the brawl] and pants. You leave the door slightly ajar, with Jimin able to catch a glimpse of you through the foggy mirror in your bathroom. He can't seem to pry his eyes away from it, and even if he does, his eyes retreat back to you - your wet back in view, hair wet, your head tilting back as you lather under the hot water.

Jesus fuck, it's been awhile since's he's fucked anybody.

He feels himself growing harder, so he fixes his position and adjusts his pants, finally able to pry his eyes away from the bathroom once the water cuts off. You shut the bathroom door in order to fully get yourself ready for bed, lathering on some lotion and slipping into your silk pajamas before brushing your teeth and rubbing your wet hair dry with the towel. You grabbed a small towel from the rack and run it under steaming hot water, squeezing out the remains before walking back out to your room. Jimin is leaning against one arm of the chair, his foot propped up against the other leg. He looks at you, his brow raising ever so slightly.

"Do you mind helping me out for a second? I promise you can go after." He chuckles and makes his way over.

"Sure." You sit at the edge of your bed, lifting your shirt slightly. Jimin takes the towel to press it against your bruise, gently patting while watching you twitch at the heat. "Do you have any cream, or bandages I can use to help patch this up?"

"Uh, I might. Stay put. I'll have to grab it from the supply outside." Jimin nods, hiding himself in the corner of the room as you scurry away. The castle is awfully quiet, but he wasn't sure what he expected being that it was pretty late at night. He figured guards would be knocking on your door every hour, every minute - just to check if you were home. Alive, even. Sheesh, with the way that you were living your life out there.

You scurry back in, retreating back to the end of the bed with Jimin coming over to help you. His hands are warm when he spreads the cream across the bruise, glancing at you every so often just to make sure you're okay. He covers the bruise with the bandage you brought in and steps back to give you some space. Though, he continues to eye you, checking to see if there are other cuts or bruises he should tend to.

"Is that all?" Jimin asks, lightly brushing your hair out of your face.

"I think so." Jimin clicks his teeth.

"It's small, but I can see it. Your parents might be able to see it, too." He holds your hair back as he presses some ointment against the corner of your brow, blowing on it slightly to make sure it dries properly.

"Thanks, witcher." A small smile creeps up at the corner of his lips.

"Shouldn't be going out there again. Pretty face like yours can get into a lot of trouble." You slightly blush.

"I'll try." He walks over to the seat, throwing on his sweater and cloak, getting ready to escort himself out of the window. "Hey, where do you stay?"

"Wherever there's open space for a witcher." He shrugs. "Probably the Cat Inn down the road at this time of night."

"Be safe?" You say as you watch him climb out. "Thanks for walking me back home, by the way. I appreciate it."

"Course." He nods. "See you around, my lady." He says, causing you to smile to yourself after all the weird, unexpected events that transpired tonight.

"Are you serious? No, I'm not wearing this shit, nor am I gonna dance with gross, middle-aged men during the ball." You hold up the huge, dark green, puffy ball gown with puff-sleeves.

"Y/N, watch your mouth! You better get yourself together or you're going to stay locked in your room all goddamn day, do you hear me? You're a disgrace." Your mom spits out as she has the maid slip you out of your clothes in front of the mirror. "What the hell is this, young lady?"

"Leave it, I just fell."

"You just fell?! Look at you! You look horrendous! A goddamn mess!" She groans. "Fix her up! Clean her up and make her look pretty. Like a lady for once." She says, storming out of the room, slamming the door and keeping the maids on their feet. It's silent while you slip into the dress, tears brimming your bottom lids as you let the maids do what they need to do.

Once you've gotten made up in this ridiculous makeup and dress they have you in, you can't help but want to rebel and run away. You hated this. You didn't want to be a part of this ball no matter what they said or did. You climb out of your room, almost stepping on your dress every step you make as you run from the back portion of the castle and onto the path into town.

"My lady, please come to the main hall. Your presence is required." One of the guards says outside of your door, but receives no response. Quite frankly, he's pretty familiar with the way you dash and run every chance you get, so he's not even surprised. He jiggles the knob, seeing that it's unlocked and steps in to see your curtains blowing against the wind - window wide open. "Jesus." He sighs as he shuts the door and makes his way back outside. "Send a group into town, the lady is missing again."

And with that being in mind, you run far into town as much as you could. The townspeople looking at you oddly because some are aware you're the count's daughter, while the others aren't and they're just confused as to why you're out there in a big ass fucking ball gown with your hair and makeup done the way it is.

"Pretty lady! The countess is out and about!" About 5 drunkards occupy the middle of an alley that you almost make your way into. Once you see them, you turn on your heel, holding onto your dress to make sure it doesn't hit the puddles on the road. Suddenly, their chattering gets louder, laughs erupt and your arms are being pulled back by someone.

"Ah, let me go!" You yell, kicking and pushing as much as you can, trying to remember the things you've learned, trying to remember your ways from the brawl last night. Except, it's no use. There's now 5 of them around you and 1 one of you. One of them successfully rips part of your puffed sleeve, while the other is toying with the zipper on the back of your dress. The other holding you down as much as possible, no matter how hard you try to fight back.

"Let her go." You hear a familiar voice come through the alley.

"Or what, chump? You gonna do anything about--" Suddenly, you gasp at the sight of a blade sinking right into his forehead, causing him to let your arms go as his body sinks to the floor - the rest of his friends yelling in fear as they look back at the hooded individual. He lets his hood down, Jimin's eyes glowing in the alley.

"It's a fucking witcher! Let's go!" They yell as they scurry off, almost tripping over their feet as they try and escape. Jimin comes over, silently taking his blade from the man's forehead and wipes it clean before looking at you.

"Up to trouble again?" He looks at you up and down. "Dressed like that?"

"It's the ball today."

"So why are you out here, Y/N?"

"I don't want to go."

"I get that, but you can't be out here, especially dressed like that. You know people are going to swarm you and try and hurt you."

"Sorry." You mumble.

"We should get you back." But as you turn down the alley, you're met with the guards from the castle, Jimin standing behind you silently.

"Let's get back, my lady." They circle both you and Jimin. "You too, witcher. Care to explain to the count and the countess why you were around?" Jimin simply looks at him and obeys, walking silently beside you back to the castle. You give him a sympathetic look, apologetic for the trouble you have caused him so far.

Getting to the main hall, the guards present you and Jimin to your parents, your mother and father clearly upset and disappointed in you, yet again. They dismiss the guards, leaving you and Jimin standing there, your father standing with his hand behind his back.

"Out roaming the streets again, young lady? You know better when we have a ball to prepare for."

"I was just--"

"You were nothing." Your mother says angrily, standing from her seat. "All you do is cause trouble and rebel! You don't ever think about how this could look? All you care about is yourself!" She yells, your father doing nothing to calm her down.

"Witcher, care to explain where you found her?" Your father asks.

"I just saw her in the alley. A few men were bothering her so I made sure she was alright. That's it." He says calmly, your father nodding.

"Goodness gracious, are you trying to be a whore? Is that what you want? To be noticed by these men so badly?"

"What is wrong with--" You try to call her out, but she shushes you.

"Enough! Don't say a word. You'll stay in your room for the remainder of the day. Don't you dare come out for the ball and show your face."

"What? You can't--"

"Yes, I can and I will." Your mother says, now turning her attention to Jimin. "You're dismissed, witcher. Appreciate your help with this troubled child." You roll your eyes before looking at Jimin and storming off to your room.

The fuck.

Once you get to the door, there's already two guards guarding either side of it. Honestly, it wasn't an unfamiliar scene. This had happened time and time again. The best part - You were literally going to be treated like you didn't exist. You slam the door, instantly getting out of your dumb dress, tossing it aside and getting into your pajamas. You slip yourself into bed, tears streaming your cheeks as you lay on your side and slowly fall asleep.

It seems like you're asleep for 5 minutes when you're awoken to the small ticking sounds hitting your floor and window. You actually had been asleep a little longer than expected, daytime had turned into night time and the music was blasting all throughout the castle, even from your end. The ticking sounds don't stop, so you turn to face the window, catching a rock being throw into your room. You sleepily step out of bed and towards the window, rubbing your eyes to see Jimin below.

"What are you doing here?"

"Care if I come up to join you for a second?" You nod as you walk back to your bed and sit up in your sheets. Jimin crawls through, letting go of his cloak like he usually does.

"So what are you doing here, Jimin?"

"Came to check on you since you're on timeout." You roll your eyes and lightly chuckle.

"Ha-ha, very funny."

"You doing okay?"

"I'm fine."

"How's your bruise?"

"Better." He comes over to check the scratch beneath your eyebrow.

"That one looks better, too."

"Don't you have monsters to kill, beasts to slay? Shit like that, not really sure what else is on a witcher's agenda."

"I have already." He tosses you an apple and a small container of stew. "Brought you some food just in case."

"Thanks." You set it aside on your night stand. "Why are you doing this?"

"It's the least I can do." He repeats. "Just wanted to check on you, so I'll be on my way. Pretty rough how you got handled out there with your parents."

"It's nothing new." He goes back to the seat and puts on his cloak.

"Really?"

"Yup. Just a waste and a disgrace, as they love to say." You purse your lips into a fine line.

"For what it's worth, I don't think you're a waste or a disgrace." He gives you a small reassuring smile.

"Thanks." You watch him, a little sad that he's leaving so quickly. "Are you going to be in town tomorrow?"

"Why, thinking of running off again? Hoping I'll rescue you?" You chuckle.

"No. I won't run off."

"I'm going to be making my way towards Novigrad. Thought I could also bid you farewell while I was checking on you."

"Wait, what? Why Novigrad?"

"Business to take care of there."

"When will you be back?" He shrugs.

"Not sure, I feel like I've gone through everything I needed to here." Your bottom lip pokes out into a small pout.

"Then can't you just stay for a little longer?" He shrugs, removing his cloak again.

"Sure, not like I have any plans." You pat the edge of your bed as you continue to sit up. He looks at you, making you subconsciously touch the scar across his cheek.

"Where was this from?"

"An ogre. It was when I was much younger." Your fingers graze the base of his neck, Jimin watching your every move.

"How about this?"

"A werewolf clawed me." Your eyes slightly widen, but your fingers continue to graze along the scar.

"Must have been so painful." At this point, you're learning forward with your lips only inches away from his. Your eyes go from the scar, back to his plump, pink lips, unable to control the feelings that you're feeling being this close to such an attractive witcher. "They really don't make them like you nowadays."

"Huh?" He chuckles.

"Nothing, sorry. I just-- You weren't supposed to hear that."

"No, tell me more." He says softly, his face leaning closer to yours, understanding the direction of where this was going. And yes, he was going to take it. If you wanted to, that's all that mattered. He would never force you into anything or make you feel uncomfortable.

But here you were, lust alive in your eyes. Full of it.

"You're just, different. I haven't had the best interactions with witchers before, let alone have I seen any that look like you."

"Is that a good or bad thing?"

"Good." You whisper, leaning forward to press a kiss on his lips. Surprisingly, he takes it, his hand trailing up to your cheek to cup it as the kiss deepens. You slowly climb out of the sheets and swing your leg over his lap to straddle him, causing Jimin to slightly pull back.

"Wait, is this a good idea? Your family and all those people out there--I-I'm leaving and I don't want to make it seem like I used you--" You shush him and shake your head.

"Stop, I want this. Just as much as you do." You bite onto your bottom lip, feeling his hardened member below you. He instantly presses his lips against yours, his hands roaming up your silk pajama shirt. You grind your hips against his, causing a small groan to leave his lips. You smile into the kiss and shake your head, signaling that he has to be quiet since the guards are right outside the door. But honestly, you didn't care if you guys fucked each other's brains out loudly - there was a goddamn party going on and you were locked inside your room like a fucking nobody.

Jimin quickly works to remove the buttons from your pajama shirt tossing it aside, his breathing hitching when he realizes you aren't wearing a bra. You help remove his sweater and shirt, revealing his chiseled body, more scars lining along his abs and chest.

"You're so pretty." He says, his hand behind your head as he moves down to your neck, careful not to leave any marks. He gently nips at the base of your neck, swirling his tongue around the surface of your skin before sucking lightly. You give off a small moan as he moves his way down to your breasts, his tongue circling each sensitive bud before taking it in his mouth and sucking on it. He gently takes the bud in between his teeth, gently pulling back and biting on it before retreating back up to your lips and kissing you deeply, passionately. Full of lust.

"Jimin."

"Hm?"

"Please fuck me." You whisper in his ear, causing him to hiss. You press your lips against the area below his ear before nibbling on his earlobe. You grind your hips faster against him, small whines leaving your mouth.

"Only cause you asked so politely, my lady." He grins, his fingers hooking onto your shorts and tugging them off. He flings them across the room before fiddling with his pants and letting it fall to the floor at his ankles.

God, was Jimin so fucking attractive. His body, his long, veiny cock. You wanted him, and you had never wanted anyone so badly in your life.

You get off, spitting onto his cock before stroking it up and down. He tilts his head back in pleasure, leaning on his hands that are planted on your bed. "Fuck." He groans. You start to sink your mouth lower onto his length, the tip almost gently prodding the back of your throat. His hand is in your hair now, guiding your head to bob up and down. "Gonna be able to take all of me, princess?" He says, his eyes dark and also full of lust. He watches as you sink up and down on his cock, the sight of you damn near crying at his length the most attractive thing he has ever seen. You nod as you swirl your tongue around his tip and pull back with a slight pop, keeping your eyes locked on him as your tongue continues to lick all around, up and down the shaft. "Fucking take me then." He says, bringing your mouth onto his cock, sinking you all the way down and keeping you there for a bit. He tugs your head back, a string of saliva connecting your lips and his tip.

"Fuck, Jimin." You cry, tears streaming down your cheeks."

"One more, princess. You can do it." He says, sinking you back all the way down onto his cock, a groan leaving his lips when he feels your throat gag and constrict around his tip. A larger string of saliva connects your lips to his tip, more tears streaming your heated cheeks.

"Wanna feel you now." You say. He sits up, bringing you back onto his lap as he watches you line yourself up with his tip.

"Ah-ah, wait." He says, slipping two digits into you, quickly pumping them in and out as he watches you shut your eyes and squirm in his grip.

"Oh fuck!" You gasp.

"Gotta make sure you're ready for this."

"Ohhhh fuck, Jimin, please. Let me feel you." You plead. He slips his fingers out, marveling at how glazed they are from your wetness. He slips them into your mouth, allowing your tongue to swirl around each digit.

"Taste good?" You nod as you suck onto his last finger. "I bet." He says, bringing you back closer to line yourself up with him once again. You take your time sinking yourself down onto him, a moan leaving your mouth loudly as you feel all of him inside of you. "Oh shit, you're so tight princess." He urges you to start grinding on him by gripping onto your hips and guiding your movements. You do just that; slowly working your hips and rolling against his as you keep your lips attached to his - breathy moans being released from the both of you.

"God, you're gonna make me cum like this." You whine, your clit rubbing against him every move you make. The heat is pooling at your core quickly, and you're not sure how much longer you can hold on.

"Cum for me, pretty lady. That's it." He groans as he guides you into picking up your pace, your movements getting sloppier. The sounds of your wetness are bouncing off of your walls, echoing in your room along with your moans in unison with Jimin's.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" You cry at the feeling of the pleasure completely taking over your body, making you fall forward onto Jimin's forehead and grip the his shoulders as you tremble. "Fuuuuuuck." You moan as you ride out the remainder of your high.

"So perfect." He kisses you quickly before having you stand. "Bend over for me." He says, pushing you towards the window sill, having you rest your hands on it as he bends you over. His hand trails down your back before it retreats to your hips to aggressively bring it back against his. He swipes his fingers down your folds before inserting himself back into you. He bottoms out, then wastes no time ramming his cock in and out of you. You begin to moan loudly out of your window, Jimin placing his hand over your mouth to shush you. "Thought we had to be quiet?"

"Fuck, I can't." You mumble into his hand. His hand grips you tightly as he fucks into you, making sure no sound is released. His movements are becoming unbearable that for a quick moment, you don't know whether you feel pain or pleasure, but you know you're about to reach your high again quick. You cry into his hand as he hammers into you continuously, his movements showing you no mercy.

"So fucking good for me, aren't you?" He says before groaning. "Fuck, you're so tight around me. Taking me in so goddamn well."

"C-close!" You yell into his hand, feeling his tip poking your cervix, causing the short burst of pain to turn into immense pleasure. "Close!" You repeat.

"Gonna fill you up so well." He moans. "Ah, shit!" With a few more thrusts, you're unraveling, your hands gripping onto the window sill so damn hard that your knuckles turn white. Soon after, you slightly tremble feeling Jimin release his seed into you, his cock twitching against your walls. He runs his hand down your back again, trying to soothe you and calm you as your body is still feeling the aftershocks of your orgasm.

"Shit, Jimin." You stand up, grabbing your clothes from the floor and slipping them back on as he pulls up his pants and throws his shirt on.

"Great going away present."

"You really aren't gonna be back?" You ask as you sit back on your bed.

He smirks at you. "You really think I'd leave and never come back to see you again?" You throw your pillow at him, your eyes suddenly darting to the door when a few knocks come. You shoot a look at Jimin, shoo'ing him towards the window. He chuckles, throwing on his cloak and grabbing his daggers before pressing a quick kiss against your temple and heading out the window.

"My lady, dinner." The guard unlocks your door with his key, sliding you a plate of food. You roll your eyes as he shuts the door, smiling to yourself when you see the food from Jimin still sitting next to you on the nightstand.

➺ portals that are currently open:

✘ the cat

༄ the manticore

✘ the griffin

༄ the wolf

༄ the crane

✘ the bear

⟳ back to novigrad?

[quickspinner]

You Only Had to Ask

(don’t get used to this pace, guys, I still have a lot of big fics to work on, but I can have a little one shot here and there. As a treat)

Alright, @airi-p4, here’s your fix-it fic. 😘 I wasn’t really gonna because I wasn’t actually that upset about the ep, but then there was chatting and I got to thinking--and the rest of my thoughts are under the cut because--

Season 4 SPOILERS for Truth and Gang of Secrets

eta sorry guys I swear there was a cut there before I posted, all fixed now

Because if you can just talk someone out of an akumatization out of Friendship then why the hell can’t we just do it out of Love. If we’re going to arbitrarily decide (despite repeated, frequent evidence to the contrary) that appealing to the person under the akumatization is a thing that can actually work, then WHY THE HELL NOT, LET’S GO. Talk-no-jutsu for the win.

(not that I’m bitter)

Our scene picks up during the fight in Marinette’s room during Truth. I’m really terrible at action you guys so please forgive the obvious deficiencies in the fight-related stuff (especially the way I completely forgot about Phaero for 90% of this.

Oh and I fixed Chat a lil bit while I was at it.

***

She had to stop him. Ladybug steeled herself, and then ripped the belt off of her mouth. “Luka, please stop! You can stop this. I know you don’t want to do this. This isn’t how you wanted to find out! You told Marinette she could tell you everything or nothing, that she could be herself with you!”

“But she isn’t,” Truth snarled. “Tell me—”

She didn’t wait for the compulsion, answering quickly to keep him from specifying. “She is herself with you! Her best self! And she does trust you, but some secrets don’t belong to just one person!” 

Truth sent Chat flying, and Ladybug had to dodge debris from his impact. “Luka,” Ladybug said desperately. “You helped me as Viperion. What did you tell your family and your friends after that?” 

Truth visibly jolted. Hope rising, Ladybug persevered, listening with one ear as Chat tried to extract himself behind her. She held a hand behind her in a wait gesture. “What would you have told Marinette if you had to leave to become Viperion? Would you have lied to her?”

“No!” Truth yelled, grabbing his head in his hands. “No, I would never lie to Marinette—I—”

“But you wouldn’t break my trust, would you? You know how important it is to keep identities secret!” Ladybug pressed.

“I know,” Truth ground out. “But I can’t lie to Marinette!” 

“So you wouldn’t lie to her,” Ladybug persisted, dodging a blast from Pharoah. She glanced at Chat and nodded a the orb, and he launched himself at the sentimonster with a yowl. “But you can’t tell her the truth, either, right? Because you don’t trust her?”

“No! I trust Marinette. I love her!” Truth growled, shaking his head, still in his hands. “Marinette wouldn’t be safe if she knew! I can’t put Marinette in danger. Or my family! I had to keep the secret.” 

“So you can see that there are reasons why someone might not be able to tell the truth,” Ladybug cried. “It doesn’t mean Marinette doesn’t trust you! It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you! I’m sure she loves you very much, Luka, or she wouldn’t be trying so hard, even when she keeps failing.” 

“I—” Truth gasped, and looked up at the wall above Ladybug’s head. 

“Look, she has pictures of you,” Ladybug said quickly, throwing out a hand to point in a way that blocked some of the Adrien photos from view. “Look, tacked on top of all these others! Aww, cute, she put a heart on this one!” 

Truth made a sound that might have been a sob, and fell to his knees. “Marinette,” he gasped, and the purple mask appeared over his face. “No,” he growled. “I won’t do this. Digging into her secrets won’t make her trust me any more than before!” 

“Yes! Fight it, Luka, I know you can do it, you’re so strong.” Ladybug knelt in front of him. “Fight it for Marinette.”

“No,” Truth growled again, louder. “She chose me. I told her—anything—or nothing—and I. Don’t. Lie!” The mask shattered, the butterfly and feather burst from his necklace, and Truth slumped to the ground, becoming Luka as he collapsed. Ladybug’s yoyo whirred out and clapped shut around the butterfly and the feather as she sighed in relief. 

Ladybug felt the compulsion lift from her as she released the purified butterfly, and quickly dropped back down beside Luka to scoop him up, tears in her eyes. “You did it,” she told him as she held him close. “You did it, Luka. I knew you could.” 

Luka’s hand closed around her upper arm. “Marinette...I have to find her. I have to tell her...I’m so sorry…” 

“She knows, Luka,” Ladybug said tenderly, smoothing the hair back from his face. “She’s fine. Now breathe. It’s going to be okay.” She rocked him a little bit. He was still shaking from the effort. She wiped tears from his face with her gloved fingers. “It’s been a rough day. I’m sorry.” 

He rested against her for a moment, eyes closed, breathing deeply as he tried to ground himself. 

“Ah, so, we’re done then?” Chat asked, tilting his head. “Because as much fun as we have together, I have someone—somewhere to be right now.” 

“Go ahead Chat,” Ladybug smiled. “I’ve got this.” She threw her lucky charm in the air, still holding Luka with one arm, and the ladybugs swarmed through the city. Chat grinned, giving her his two fingered salute before leaping out of the skylight.

Ladybug waited a moment, listening, but Luka began to push away from her, trying to get up. “I have to find Marinette,” he said heavily, but Ladybug tugged him back. 

“No, you don’t,” she said.

Luka frowned at her. “Yeah, I really do.” 

Ladybug took his face in her hands and he blinked in surprise. “No,” Ladybug said quietly. “You really don’t. Because she’s right here.” She took a breath as Luka stared at her in confusion. “I’m tired of having to lie to the people I care about,” Ladybug quavered, and had to clear her throat. “And...I need help. I can’t do this all on my own. You’ve always been there for me, Luka. I absolutely trust you. And even though it’s dangerous, I…” She paused, steeling herself as she looked into his still-confused but compassionate eyes. His hand found her shoulder and gripped it, and she smiled. “Spots off,” she whispered, and closed her eyes against the pink glow of magic that engulfed her. 

When she opened them again, Luka was still staring at her from between her hands. His eyes were like saucers. 

“Oh,” he said weakly, and Marinette giggled. Slowly, she drew him forward, giving him time to back away, though he still seemed too stunned to move. His eyes flicked down to her lips just before she got too close to see anything else, and his lips formed to match hers as she pressed into him. It was nice, spreading a pleasant warmth through her— 

All at once Luka came back to life. His arms wrapped tight around her, nothing like the cautious way he had held her while she cried. This time he pulled her close and curled around her, and his mouth began to move against hers in a way that sent thrills through her whole body, and just like that she went from the kisser to the kissee, bent slightly back in his arms as he kissed her again and again. 

“You’re so amazing,” he gasped between kisses. “I thought i knew that, but—” The next kiss was harder, and his hand was buried in her hair, and she nearly felt dizzy from it. “You’ve been doing so much,” he said, mercifully pausing the kissing to pull back and look at her. “I’m so sorry, Marinette, I—I’m so sorry.” 

“Me too,” she whispered, curling up against him. “Me too, Luka. It was wrong of me to try and date you when I can barely keep it together as it is. I just...I wanted it to work so badly…” 

“It will work,” Luka promised, guiding her head down to his shoulder. “We’ll make it work. Now, I know, and—um...hi…” He trailed off, and when Marinette peeked up at him, he was staring over her shoulder, his expression bewildered. 

Marinette lifted her head and looked around to find they were encircled by the kwami.    

“Oh,” she giggled. “I guess I, um...have some introductions to make.” 

“I guess so,” Luka replied weakly. “Hey, Sass.”

Sass chuckled, and flew to perch on Luka’s shoulder. 

“Hey,” Marinette pouted, poking Sass in the tummy. “We’re having a moment, here.” 

“By all means,” Sass smirked. “Proccceed.” 

Marinette pouted, but Luka just began to laugh, and leaned down to kiss the pout off her face.

“You heard him.” He grinned, and stroked a hand through her hair. “We have a lot to talk about, huh?” Then he froze, his gaze going distant. 

“Luka?” Marinette put her hand on his cheek, and he looked back down at her.

“Jagged Stone’s my dad,” he said wonderingly, and when Marinette bit her lip and nodded, he added, “Shit.” 

“Shh,” Marinette put her finger over his lips. “The last thing I need is for the kwami to learn to swear.” 

 “What makes you think we can’t already?” Xuppu snickered, and Marinette groaned, burying her head in Luka’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” she mumbled, fingers curling in her hoodie.

“Not really,” Luka admitted, and she felt his big hands running over her back absently. “It’s a lot.” He sighed, and dropped a kiss on the top of her hair. “I probably need to get back to the Liberty. Seems like there are a few people I need to talk to.” 

“Yeah.” Marinette lifted her head, and reached up to run her fingers through his hair. His eyes fell closed and he made a pleased noise in the back of his throat that she liked very much. “You should rest, too. So...kiss me goodbye, and we’ll talk about the rest of it after you deal with your family.” 

Luka nodded. “I’m here if you need me, though. I mean it, Marinette. I know we haven’t had time to talk about the details, but this—” he glanced around at the kwamis who were still watching them like a favorite soap, “this is a lot. I’m yours first anytime you need to talk, okay?”

Marinette smiled broadly. “You’re mine.” 

Luka snorted softly. “Like that’s news.” 

Marinette giggled. “Shut up and kiss me you dork, and then I’ll take you home by Ladybug express.” 

Luka frowned. “Shouldn’t I apologize to your parents first?”

Marinette reached up and ran her hands through his hair again, regarding his kiss-bruised lips with satisfaction. “I don’t think you’re especially presentable right now.”

Luka blushed, and she grinned wider. “Right,” he coughed. “Then, yes please.” 

Some time later, Ladybug set a breathless Luka down on the Liberty’s deck. She was gone a moment later, and Luka stared after her with a dopey smile.

“Did you just make out with Ladybug?”

Luka jumped and turned to face his sister’s maybe-impressed stare.

“No! No way!” Luka—well, not exactly lied, because he hadn’t been kissing Ladybug. He’d been kissing Marinette, who was...Ladybug...his knees went weak and he had to sit down on a nearby rope spool. Trying to cover, he grinned up at Juleka. “Marinette and I made up.”

Juleka raised her eyebrows. “Made up, or made out?”

“Both,” Luka laughed. “She is my girlfriend after all.” He laughed harder at Juleka’s expression. “You didn’t notice?” 

Juleka’s wide eyes said she hadn’t, but before she could answer, someone cleared their throat. Both siblings turned to find Jagged Stone standing sheepishly on their gangplank. He gave a little wave of his fingers, and Luka and Juleka exchanged a look. 

“Well, this is gonna be a weird conversation,” Luka muttered under his breath. 

Fiction Master Post

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 291: The Endeavor Pamphlet

Previously on BnHA: Dabi showed up atop Gigantomachia’s back and was all “you’ll never guess who I really am!” and the readers humored him and were all “who?” and he was all “TODOROKI TOUYA” and we were all “WOW └(・。・)┘ OH MY GOSH I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED”, except for Shouto and Enji who were GENUINELY SHOCKED. Anyway so Touya was all “and guess what I’m doing right now!” and before anyone could even try, he was all, “STREAMING MY EMMY-NOMINATED MINISERIES ‘HELLO, I’M EVIL BUT ALSO TRAGIC AND SEXY, NOW LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY DAD WHO SUCKS’’, THAT’S WHAT.” And everyone was all “oh my god” and Touya was all “ヽ(⌐■_■)ノ♪” for basically the rest of the chapter, and that’s pretty much it! Oh, wait, except for the part where he also doused himself in bleach in a fit of pure theatrics, which is actually pretty much the main takeaway from the entire chapter really because it was just wild af. ANYWAYS.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi introduces Baby Touya, the world’s most enchantingly sweet character, and is immediately all, “I sure can’t wait to tell you guys all about how his fucking jaw burnt off.” Thankfully he doesn’t (YET), and we cut back to the present pretty quickly, where Dabi explains how he took all of his brain cells that should have been used to stop him from pouring bleach over his head, and instead put them all toward his big brain plot of releasing an elaborate video detailing Endeavor’s various abuses and crimes, and even throwing Hawks under the bus as well because WHY NOT. He then leaps off of Gigantomachia’s back (like I said, no brain cells) all set to blast them with a Prominence Burn, only to be stopped by none other than THE LEGEND HIMSELF, MOTHERFUCKING BEST, PRETTIEST, NICEST, MOST OUTSTANDING MOTHERFUCKING JEANIST. Who’s no doubt outraged by the crime against hair he witnessed only moments earlier. GO GETTIM JEANY BOI.

so I haven’t had time to answer any of them because this has been the stupidest week, but I just wanted to tell you guys that I received no fewer than nine asks about Dabi’s hair. which, in a week filled with election memes and tumblr’s most cursed fandom briefly rising back up from the dead, is a pretty impressive feat for him if you ask me. like, I know I was making fun of it basically nonstop, but it sure did generate a lot of discussion so maybe I should rethink my opinions on Dabi’s PR strategies now, idk

anyway. it’s Saturday. time to catch up on this shit. let’s see how fucked the Todorokis are

OH NO HE’S CUTE

HOLY SHIT THIS IS TOO MUCH TO FUCKING PROCESS. I’M JUST TRYING TO ENJOY MY DAY HORIKOSHI, ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO TRAUMATIZE THIS POOR CHILD RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD

“thanks for being all right” the fuck

who allowed this child to be so cute. I’m serious. who signed off on this

how could a child this adorable possibly want to murder his equally adorable baby brother. please, your honor. there must be some mistake here

guess how prepared I am to read all about Touya’s tragic past. mm. that’s right. zero ready. none ready

anyway. TWO THOUSAND DEGREES LOLOLOL. NO TRACE OF A CORPSE HOW CONVENIENT. A PIECE OF HIS LOWER JAW BONE FFFFMSGHKLSh. LOVELY. LOVELY

LMAOOOOO

listen you guys. I just want to take a moment to appreciate that Horikoshi Kouhei did one of two things here. either (1) he planned it out FROM THE VERY START that Touya would be born with red hair Because Fire Powers, but would then have his hair turn white due to trauma, thus making the Dabi/Touya connection very slightly less obvious, although Let’s Be Real Who Are We Kidding. OR, (2) the anime got it wrong and gave him red hair, and rather than allowing this plot hole to continue to exist, Horikoshi took it upon himself to concoct this elaborate storyline and pretend it was never a plot hole at all! in which case I sure hope someone at Bones is sending him a VERY nice Christmas card this year. got this man sweeping up all your messes for you. you’re just lucky he has some sort of wild compulsion to address these things

anyways!!

FATHER AND SON. how sweet. :| still zero percent ready for any of this btw

STOP BEING CUTE

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I’M SO MAD RIGHT NOW. HE IS THE SINGLE CUTEST CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE SERIES, and do you even know how many other baby characters I’m betraying in order to say that?! baby Kacchan, baby Deku, baby Ochako, baby Shouto, Eri, baby Hawks. I’M LOOKING YOU DEAD IN THE EYE RIGHT NOW AND TELLING YOU THAT BABY TOUYA IS CUTER THAN ALL OF THOSE PLEBS. AND YOU’RE LOOKING BACK AT ME RIGHT NOW ALL “YEAH IT SURE IS A PITY ABOUT HIS JAW MELTING OFF THOUGH.” THAT’S IT, I QUIT THE SERIES

and Enji’s smiling at him. he’s so proud of him. but then Touya won’t be able to do it, and Enji’s gonna stop training him, and Touya’s gonna feel like a failure and keep pushing himself in order to try and win his dad’s affections back, because that’s all kids fucking want, all they want is just love, that’s fucking it, you couldn’t just give him that?? and then he’s gonna immolate himself fflkdlskfh THERE YOU SEE HORIKOSHI, I KNOW THE WHOLE STORY ALREADY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THE WHOLE “SHOW THEM THE DEAD DOG” THING YET AGAIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT

OH SNAP THERE GOES THE TWIN THEORY. R.I.P.

BABY FUYUMI. PRETTY CUTE. NOT AS CUTE AS TOUYA THOUGH. HEY LOOK, NO REASON TO GET MAD AT ME I’M JUST STATING A FACT HERE

YEAH THIS IS GONNA GO REAL WELL OH BOY

I keep pressing the emergency stop button but this industrial tragedy machine just keeps on chugging along anyway, I’m pretty sure this thing is not up to code

:| I am so sorry sweet boy, Horikoshi is only getting started with you

FUCKING HELL WITH THIS NARRATION

but he wasn’t actually a child to you, he was just a little puppet child for you to live vicariously through!! and then you went and did the same fucking thing with Shouto afterwards and never learned your lesson until just six months ago!! fucking hell, Enji

so now he’s all “Touya is dead, that’s an unforgivable lie” fflkdhflk motherfucker does he look dead to you. if you really think that, tumblr and twitter have got a little over five years’ worth of archived theory posts to show you

oh shit Touya’s countering with “it’s an unforgivable truth”, which, damn. I actually think Horikoshi’s dialogue is one of his weaker points as a writer a lot of the time, but that comeback was snappy as fuck

actually guys, now that I’ve seen how ridiculously fucking cute baby!Touya was, I can almost understand why Shouto and Enji never put the pieces together before lol. any passing similarities would have easily been dismissed on account of he’d need to be at least 10x more adorable in order to get the full resemblance

OH MY GOD

NOW YOU SLEEP??? SO YOU POINT BLANK REFUSED TO PASS OUT WHILE YOU WERE BUSY MAIMING ALL OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS, BUT NOW THAT THERE’S AN OPPORTUNITY TO SEE YOUR REACTION TO THE “YOUR LIEUTENANT WAS SECRETLY RELATED TO ONE OF YOUR WORST ENEMIES THE WHOLE TIME” BOMBSHELL, YOU FINALLY DECIDE TO GET YOUR FORTY WINKS. I SEE

WOW DABI

I’M SURPRISED YOU DIDN’T ALREADY HAVE YOUR ANCESTRY.COM RESULTS PRINTOUT READY TO FOLD INTO A PAPER AIRPLANE AND ZOOM ON DOWN TO HIM

LOL NEVERMIND

gotta say, so far The Endeavor Pamphlet is just about as spicy as I could have hoped

(ETA: Natsuo’s face as he watches his beloved dead brother come back to life only to literally and metaphorically set everything on fire in one fell swoop is :/. why must you do this to me Natsu. can’t you see I’m trying to throw a Welcome Back Jeanist party here.)

HAVE YOU READ THIS?! TODOROKI ENJI ABUSED HIS OWN HEIR, AND DABI WROTE IT DOWN RIGHT THERE

WELL HE’S NEVER GON’ BE NUMBER ONE NOW / NEVER GON’ BE NUMBER ONE NOW / THAT’S ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT / THAT’S ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT

btw I neglected to mention this last week, but yes I do recognize and appreciate that this is Can’t Ya See-kun himself whom Horikoshi has chosen to be the face of this existential crisis which the general public is about to experience. rip CYS-kun

OOF

excuse me. putting aside the implications of Dabi sharing this context-less murder video of Hawks with the entire world for a moment, I just have to pause for a sec here, because when exactly did he get a chance to edit this all in?? complete with voiceover that seamlessly ties in with the prerecorded footage of him with DNA test results sans shirt?? you’re telling me this motherfucker, with all the smoke that was in the room thanks to his own quirk, somehow got a PERFECT SHOT of the PRECISE MOMENT when Hawks drove his feather knife into Jin’s back, using his MAGIC CAMERA THAT HE I GUESS HAD THE ENTIRE TIME IN THE POUCH RIGHT NEXT TO HIS BLEACH BOTTLE, and then immediately somehow got this very next shot as well FROM AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANGLE

ALL THE WHILE IMMEDIATELY RUNNING THROUGH SCRIPT REVISIONS IN HIS HEAD, WHICH HE THEN PROCEEDED TO RECORD... WHERE, EXACTLY?? WITH SKEPTIC, WHILST RIDING ON MACHIA’S BACK??

AND THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF???

and this after I just wrote that whole long paragraph positively GLOWING about this man’s ability to plug up a plot hole. jfc. just scratch out every damn word I said lol. just forget all of it

are you fucking kidding me, the footage was from the cameras Skeptic planted on Hawks??

that’s... actually... okay you know what, it still doesn’t make any sense in the slightest, but the determination to address it nonetheless... just, dammit... I feel like I’m constantly at war with myself over whether or not I want to shake this man’s hand or slap him lmao. whatever, then!!

anyway, since Shouto and Enji can’t actually see the damage that Touya is dealing to the hero industry even as they speak, Touya is taking it upon himself to give them the highlights

I think it’s a testament to how much Endeavor cares about Hawks that he managed to zero in on that comment even amidst all the craziness of his eldest son returning from the dead to announce how he’s been carefully plotting their destruction for years and years. like, he heard “Hawks” and his face immediately went like that. you think he’s worried that Dabi did something to him? because he’d be right to worry lol

so the Endeavor Pamphlet narration is now explaining all about how Hawks totally killed the Number 3 Hero Best Jeanist as well! yep... he sure did... totally...

OH MY GOD WE’RE CUTTING TO HIM AHHHHH

Hawks, that is. lol. not Jeanist. NO, JUST MY POOR HALF-DEAD WINGLESS BABY SON

NOOOOO HIS LITTLE WING STUMPS. BUT SOMEHOW HIS FACIAL HAIR IS STILL INTACT. OH TO BE AN ANIME PRETTY BOY BEING SET ON FIRE. “HEY, TAKE IT EASY, WATCH THE FACE”

EXCUSE ME WHAT

interesting! we suspected as much, I think, with the clues that Ending dropped, and the little flashback right after the name reveal. still not clear how Dabi found out about it though!

looooool okay here we go, breaking out the heavy-handed holier-than-thou shit now

you know, I do find it interesting how trying to model themselves after All Might’s noble Symbol of Peace image has kind of ended up being the heroes’ undoing here. like, I could write a whole essay on this, but what it basically boils down to is that they were all trying too hard to be perfect. All Might went out there and did his thing and was amazing, and so the powers-that-be built an entire system centered around this seemingly-infallible person, and they acted like the system was infallible as well. and so most of the population ended up becoming complacent over the years, and meanwhile the people who were unfortunate enough to fall through the cracks understandably wound up disillusioned and perceiving the heroes as these false idols

anyway, but I think one positive takeaway from this is that the new up-and-coming generation of heroes represent a breakaway from that system. like, imo what we’re witnessing is the downfall of the Perfect Hero, and the rise of the imperfect hero. and this new generation doesn’t shy away from their failures or pretend like they never happened. they pretty much can’t pretend, because their failures are all right out there in the open for everyone to see. Bakugou Katsuki, just to name one example off the top of my very biased head, has had his own personal character journey basically play out right in front of the media’s eyes. his humiliation at the sports festival, his kidnapping by the League, and all of the fallout afterward. this isn’t someone who can ever go out there and convince the world that he’s perfect. but what he can do, instead, is show the world that he’s trying. that he’s trying with everything he has to do his best, to be the best. rather than this untouchable godlike image, it’s instead the image of someone painfully human who is nonetheless striving with everything he’s got to keep moving forward, flaws and all, and work his way to the top

and ultimately I think that’s going to be a much more positive image to send out to the world when all’s said and done. because rather than merely inspiring awe, heroes like that inspire people to take action themselves. or at least that’s what I hope! and not just Bakugou, but the others as well. we’ve got Shouto, whose own personal trauma is being aired in front of the whole nation even as I sit here ranting. we’ve got Deku, who cries at the drop of a hat, and who fought to become a hero despite being quirkless (and I think it’s only a matter of time before that eventually becomes public knowledge as well). tl;dr because I’m getting way too long-winded here, but these kids have effectively been humanized in a way that the old generation never was, and I think that’ll go a long way towards building trust between them and the people they’ll someday be protecting, and inspiring the next generation in hopefully a much healthier way

anyway so where were we. ...oh yes, Dabi was explaining that heroes only protect themselves, and is presumably building up to his grand conclusion of “therefore you should all just let the villains take over and burn down the world”

omfg. YOU GUYS

DOES CAN’T YA SEE-KUN’S SHARK FRIEND ACTUALLY CALL HIM “CAN’T YA SEE-KUN.” HE HAS A NAME YOU KNOW!! UNLESS HE LEGALLY GOT HIS NAME CHANGED TO CAN’T YA SEE-KUN. OH MY GOD

ALSO, IS THAT CAN’T YA SEE-KUN CRYING IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT THERE OMG. GIVE THIS CHILD A HUG. EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW AND HUG HIM

BAKUGOU IS BARELY HANGING ON THERE LOL. GOTTA STAY CONSCIOUS... SO MUCH TEA BEING SPILLED... FOCUS... CONCENTRATE

IIDA’S ANGLING HIS HEAD IN A WEIRD WAY, LIKE DUDE. LOOKING SUSPICIOUSLY SNUGGLY THERE. MMM THESE IIDABAKU CRUMBS

HADOU IS ALL “WHAT EVEN IS ACTUALLY GOING ON” LMAO

LASTLY, POOR SHOUTO OMFG. WHEN YOU’RE ALL FINISHED HUGGING CYS-KUN THIS CHILD NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION!!

so now Dabi’s leaping off of this ninety-foot-tall gargoyle man like that’s a normal, smart thing to do. unless he can fly too now? saw his dad doing it back at Fukuoka and was all “hmm”

OH MY GOD SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT WORD SHOUTO IS USING TO ADDRESS ENJI, THESE TRANSLATIONS LOVE TO MESS WITH MY HEAD

ENJI GET MOVING DO YOU NOT SEE THOSE TEARS!!! SNAP OUT OF IT YOU BIG TREE

AHHHHH

OH KACCHAN YOU WOKE UP A LITTLE MORE THERE, HUH

lol he and Deku both look so determined but they’re basically sitting ducks. their “oh shit” faces do look remarkably like their “TIME TO SWING INTO ACTION” faces but don’t be fooled, they have one good arm and about six pints of blood left between the two of them. looks like this one’s all on you Shouto

-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH --

BAH GOD... WHAT’S GOING ON HERE... THAT’S BEST JEANIST’S MUSIC

y’all. can’t even talk right now, my brain has completely shut down lol. just. ...

  °˖✧◝(￣▿￣)◜✧˖°

[hjazysol]

Well I did miss this in the original post but I completely forgot to even talk about the Power System ontop of the Power of Friendship.

Now first of all. Power Scaling.

Is next to non existent. Don't bother trying you will go insane in trying to do so.

You could have someone on the verge of death. They blatantly state. "Damn I have no magic left." Then the enemy says something disrespectful to the guild then they'll be like "That was just a prank...My magic is all good." Then the proceeding attack spreads across an entire country.

As a recent example Erza was in the middle of fighting her mom. She won. Then in a bitch move Irene summoned a big ass meteor from this far away.

That spiraled the whole sky as it fell into the atmosphere. Now Erza with this beat up body and only one arm. Used some friendship fueled magic to blast up at the meteor and successfully obliterate it.

I love it. Usually something like this would come of as silly. And it is. And I love it. Now the way I went into this. I was already aware most the conflicts were resolved with friend power. So the way I visualised it was like an rpg. And it really is just that honestly. Erza quite literally is a walking inventory. And some rpg's do unthinkable stuff with little explanation on the regular.

So it really was just. Normal. Now in general I've never understood why PoF gets so many eye rolls for existing. Like they just wanna protect the people they care about so they push themselves even if their body is saying no.

...If im being perfectly honest...Ichigo in Bleach doesn't necessarily have his own main goal in the majority of the series most the time everything he does is a direct result of someone he cares deeply about needing his help and protection so he fights for them. He's a reactionary protagonist.

Where as someone like Luffy in One Piece. He just does whatever the hell he feels like doing. He doesn't wait for things to happen he just does them. The best example from my favourite arc is at the start of Enies Lobby Luffy did not wait for the crew to make a plan before heading there.

Luffy just went straight in ahead of everyone. And charged ahead. And while he does fight for his friends when he needs to. The mood surrounding him is a lot different than I got stronger last second to beat the shit out of you. Like in cases like Arlong Park. Luffy was just better at fighting. And when he isn't like with Kaido currently he'll train so that he can win next time.

Now Natsu is kind of both sometimes he just does things on impulse because that's what he deems appropriate. Or he will be forced to react to some of the stuff occuring around him and work around it, the Tenrou Island invasion being an example.

But I ultimately see the moments where Natsu actually wins with help from his friends better than last minute power ups when the mc appears in a bad spot. In most cases with Natsu it's less of just him on his own. As shown when faced with Gildarts true power he knows when he has absolutely 0 chance of winning.

But if he has assistance from allies he is more confident about things. E.g against Zero, Precht. In my opinion that is not bad. Like there's for the most part at least a valid reason for why he gets the power and why those connections with those friends matter.

It's also not too unbelievable either. As in these characters all get along unbelievably well with one another. Sitting back and just seeing them get up to silly antics together it's like watching an actual family or just being, them. All the relationships are believeable enough to actually see why they fight so hard for the others' sakes. And the love relationships are all really sweet.

Like i dont remember the last time i saw an anime that charmingly brought about a love relationship. And didn't just put two people together because why not. Like a series where the chemistry is visble every second they share the screen together and have their little banter. IS CUTE AS FUCK!

That and you don't have a bunch of shipping wars. You'll have your canon ship and if the fans don't like it thats fine. Cause they'll at least acknowledge that as the real one where as something with no real relationships ends up with a usually messy amount of ship speculation like we're talking some reaches of ships. They talked for 2 seconds this ship is now officially better than the greatest out there.

I also like the fact that becoming a Dragon Slayer with a secondary ability basically just comes down to eat it and use it til you stop getting fatigued. I prefer Gajeel's Iron Shadow Dragon but Natsu's Fire Lightning is cool to. Gajeel's just feels more noticeable visually. Wendy's Dragon Force clears both though.

I also don't mean to drag Sting & Rouge down too hard here cause they do... ...Try... but they get bodied so much its not even funny 😭 like there's doing someone dirty then there's. Letting BOTH 3rd Gen Dragon Slayers charge a combined attack. Just standing there. Then instantly overpowering them with your own attack.

Then they kinda just show up every now and then. Get beat up leave. Got crucified for a short while. And so on and so forth. Man Ichiya lasts longer in fights than those two Oh but Sting won against Larcade! Like damn thank god he got at least 1 Dub since the Grand Magic Games right!

And as for Rouge...How are you gonna let Gajeel use your Shadow Dragon Slayer Magic better than you. THE Shadow Dragon Slayer. If I'm Skiadrum I'm just sat up in heaven wondering "Where in God did I go wrong?"

Cobra & Laxus don't really ever use Dragon Force as often but the fact that Cobra or Erik rather is Poison bothers me cause like when I think Erik I think sound. Not Poison. But ah well.

Gray's Demon Magic is cold af though. Even cooler than before.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars #7-9

November, 1984

BERSERKER!

The death of an Avenger! The X-Men’s greatest battle! And, introducing the all-new SPIDER-WOMAN!

The cover sure isn’t burying the lede. This comic sure does introduce an All-New (presumably All-Different) Spider-Woman! Jessica Drew, move over! For now. You’ll be the Spider-Woman that endures in the long run.

Last times on Secret Wars: Some amazingly powerful being from Beyond the universe called the Beyonder kidnaps a bunch of heroes, villains, shades thereof, and chunks of random planets to put on a big toy commercial where action figures can bonk off each other.

The X-Men ditched the other heroes to do their own thing, as they’re wont to do. The villains storm the hero base and drop a mountain on them. The heroes take refuge at a small village where Johnny Storm finds a new girlfriend but there’s also a Galactus.

Galactus starts preparing a device to eat Battleworld, which would let him win the toy commercial in one fell swoop.

Oh, and Wasp was kidnapped by Magneto, escaped, crashed her escape ship, found the Lizard, and then got lasered to death by the Wrecking Crew. It was a Bad Time and I am sad, even though we know Wasp will be okay by the time they get back from Battleworld.

This time: Further not burying the lede.

The cover promised a new Spider-Woman and dammit, here’s one right away, first page. Truth in advertising!

Spider-Woman herself wastes no time introducing herself to everyone, that she comes from a chunk of Denver that got raptured by the Beyonder (still want that miniseries), that she came to help when she saw evidence of super fighting, and that she can pick up and throw large rocks so clearly she’d be able to help.

Captain America is hesitant about all this and Spider-Woman assumes that he thinks she’s a spy but as Captain America points out, why would Doom need to mess around with spies when he’s got so much power at his disposal.

Spider-Man is also hesitant at this new character. For different reasons.

Spider-Man: “She tossed that boulder as easily as I could have... at least! I wonder if she sticks to walls, too! And I wonder if I can sue her for infringing on my shticks! I should have gotten a patent or trademark or something...”

Cap tries to settle on the argument that a Secret War is too dangerous but Spider-Woman has the exceptional point “I suspect that it’s no less dangerous for the spectators, Captain America -- I might as well pitch in!”

And then the obvious toy pitch vehicle that the Wrecking Crew was driving in the swamp yesterday drives through the village blowing shit up, restarting the fires that the heroes just put out, and most insultingly of all, throwing Wasp van Dyne’s dead deceased corpse out the hatch before driving off.

Those dicks.

The heroes rush to Wasp and take her to Zsaji. That cool lady tries to heal Wasp but Jan has no pulse and isn’t breathing and might be beyond Cura. This may take Phoenix Down.

But since she went and got herself disintegrated on the Moon, Wasp is clearly dead forever.

-Looks over at Avengers #243- Hush, you!

The assembled heroes want to rush Doombase and kick the shit out of the villains and specifically the Wrecking Crew but Captain America tells them no.

Captain America: “Now, listen to me -- ! While we’re off getting even, what if Galactus starts to use that world-eating machine he’s building up on that mountain? Then every living thing on this world -- including these innocent villagers and all those people from that suburb of Denver will die! We’ve got to stay right here, ready to attack him! We may have only seconds to react when it begins!”

She-Hulk storms off while the other heroes debate the Galactus situation.

I’m sure this is fine.

Meanwhile, on the more volcano-y side of the planet, Xavier orders Cyclops, Rogue, and Wolverine to pursue Doom’s Four villains Molecule Man, Titania, Absorbing Man, and Doctor Octopus to try to capture them before they can return to Doom.

Back over at Doombase, Titania sees that her “little Owie” has been badly hurt and begs Enchantress to help.

Volcana: “Enchantress! You’re a sorceress! You could use your magic to transport me to my Owen!”

Enchantress -busy getting drunk-: “Yes... but why would I, mortal?”

Volcana: “Well... because... because I need you to! I can’t fly a ship! I -- I don’t even have a driver’s license for a car! Ultron won’t help me -- ! He only takes orders from Doom!”

Enchantress: “It takes much energy to transport a body as bloated as yours! I cannot be bothered!”

Wow! You’re a dick!

Volcana catches a lot of fat jokes and she’s not depicted as looking any different from Standard Comic Book Body Type. But also, don’t fatshame at all, Enchantress.

Anyway, Volcana promises anything to Enchantress if she helps.

Enchantress: “Rash words, mortal wench... and later, you shall deeply regret them!”

Its very handy for the villains that Volcana just showed up because their airship almost immediately gets show down by the X-Men. So even with Molecule Man out of commission, their numbers are back to Doom’s Four. And Volcana calls dibs on beating up Wolverine.

The X-Men have numbers but they’re not doing super well. Professor X is on the scene trying to be the field leader but the chaos of the battle and the villains’ minds being blocked by Enchantress’ magic makes it hard for him to coordinate.

Magneto even gets smack-talked by Absorbing Man.

Absorbing Man: “Tell me, Magneto. What’s scum like you doin’ hangin’ around with the X-Men? Sure, they’re outlaws -- but I thought you was big time! You got mass murder raps, manslaughter, terrorism, what else? Probably everything! You’re one of us! On second thought, a creampuff like you belongs with them losers!”

I can’t believe Magneto has to take that from a man who constantly carries a large metal orb with him everywhere.

Wolverine manages to slice off Absorbing Man’s arm, although the guy was made of rock at the time so it wasn’t as gory as it could have been.

Absorbing Man just. Picks up his arm and runs off to hit someone with it.

Amazing.

The villains manage to pin down the heroes with some Volcana blast and then steal one of the X-Men’s ships and get away.

Professor X declares that this is Totally a victory.

Xavier: “We lost nothing, save one of our ships -- which matters little -- and we gained much! We coalesced as a fighting unit passing our greatest test to date and I think we proved ourselves -- beyond a doubt!”

Like, you had a scuffle with some villains that ended inconclusively even though you had the advantage of a sneak attack, the villains stole one of your ships, and there was no major damage to either side.

It was largely pointless. But I guess Xavier has a vested interest in declaring it a huge success since it was his inaugural go at being field commander.

Meanwhile, skulking around Galactus’ ship, DOOM complains about doing that.

Doom: “Doctor Doom - a burglar! Rummaging about in another being’s home, seeking to steal some priceless thing! Bah! What choice do I have? I need a key, a way -- ! My armor’s sensors have led me to prize after prize -- hundreds, thousands of devices which, in the hands of a man as brilliant as myself could provide power to conquer entire galaxies -- ! Yet, all of them combined are not enough to defeat Galactus -- let alone the Beyonder! There must be a way! Doom must be supreme!”

Unfortunately for Doom, despite the volcano distraction making Galactus sigh and have to spend time fixing the planet so he can eat it, he senses something amiss in his house and mentally yeets Doom back to Battleworld.

The villains return back to Doombase but Doctor Octopus can’t help Molecule Man because dammit he’s a nuclear physicist, not a medical doctor! Ultron tells Volcana that there are medical devices that could fix Molecule Man up nicely but since he doesn’t have any relevant orders from Doom, he’s just going to stand here and look pretty. And Enchantress says she could heal him with a wave of her hand but refuses to because Volcana already gave her a blank check.

Absorbing Man returns and reattaches his arm by basically hoping like hell it’ll just be better if he holds it in place when he reverts to skin flesh.

And the Wrecking Crew have to throw the Lizard into a cell because he hasn’t stopped trying to eat their faces for killing Wasp, his new best friend.

The Wrecking Crew doesn’t get a chance to enjoy being back at base because She-Hulk has broken in and beats the crap out of them off-screen.

Titania comes in and starts fighting She-Hulk STARTING AN ENDURING RIVALRY.

Its fun how much got its start in Secret Wars.

The two fight more or less evenly from what I can tell but uh Doctor Octopus joins in as does the Absorbing Man and the Wrecking Crew once they catch their breath.

And She-Hulk is strong but this is a stomp.

In another part of Doombase where the Enchantress is sitting in “sullen reverie” refusing to get involved in the fight she can here, instead thinking about how much she’s going to seduce the crap out of Thor.

Doom arrives at Himbase after being expelled from Galactus’ ship and refuses to explain anything to Enchantress. He just stumbles over to his sweet bed and collapses in it.

Doom: “It is over... Finished...”

Back over at Zsaji’s Village, the heroes realize that She-Hulk took off. Hawkeye figures that she went after the villains and asks to go after her.

Hawkeye: “She can’t take ‘em alone, Cap! She needs us!”

Huh! When the chips are down even though they fought, Clint and Jen sure are coworkers.

Hulk also asks to go after her since she’s his cousin. The acknowledgement of which is what I’ve been wanting all along.

But Cap tells them no.

Hulk: “I don’t suppose you’d consider putting it to a vote?”

Trying to appeal to his love of democracy. How wily.

Captain America: “My heart would vote ‘yes’ in a minute... Too many innocent lives are at stake here, though! Many more than the few people on this planet -- we’ve got a universe depending on what we do here! We can’t allow ourselves the luxury of making decisions with our hearts!”

But Cap receives a psychic skype from Professor X who tells him that the X-Men can take Galactus watching duty for a bit so run along and save your teammate, you scamp.

Cap accepts.

Its fun how the tide of battle has shifted back and forth.

Now the heroes are largely fresh, having been sitting on their ass staring at Galactus, and the villains are bloodied from several fights with the X-Men and She-Hulk. Plus, their big gun Molecule Man got Wolverine’d.

But next issue is something so big that it overshadows basically everything else in Secret Wars.

December, 1984

INVASION!

YEAH ITS VENOM

OR WILL BE

Also, a bunch of other stuff happens. The cover is kind of funny for maybe unintentionally presaging what would happen where the black costume being more remembered than everything else in Secret Wars in general but definitely this issue specifically.

There’s actually a lot of really cool stuff happening in this issue.

Cap(tain America)’s group of heroes storms Doom’s Doombase, lucking out that Doom is too stunned by being expelled from Galactus’ ship to attempt any kind of defense and nobody else on his team has the braincells to be watching out for an attack.

Enchantress hears the heroes breaking in but she’s well and truly drunk by this point.

And bemoans her secret god meeting with Thor. That she was going to try to cast a spell on him to bend him to her will but is aware that she might have flipped good for him instead. And even now wonders what she’ll do if Thor shows up in front of her.

The villains still beating She-Hulk to her death hear the heroes breaking into the base and run off to ambush them, Doc Ock slamming She-Hulk against some wreckage as a coup de grace.

Wrecker gets the jump on Iron Man and Doc Ock dumps a convenient tank of water on Human Torch but Spider-Man jumps in and drops Bulldozer with one punch before he can pulp an extinguished Johnny.

The Thing tries fighting Absorbing Man but wouldn’t you know it, the Thing’s thingness fades at the worst time again, leaving him powerless.

Spider-Woman jumps in to save him.

She didn’t get to really do much in her actual introductory issue, despite being on the cover and splash. She just kinda shows up and goes ‘i can definitely help!’

She makes a much better second impression this time. Almost like she’s aware that she needs to sell herself.

Spider-Woman: “A clean knockout -- ! Of the awesome Absorbing Man -- ! And it’s only the fifth time I’ve ever been in a fight! The new Spider-Woman wins again!”

Marvel really wants you to like this non-Jessica Drew.

Piledriver charges Hawkeye, mocking him for missing with his arrows and gloating that arrows are useless to a guy who’s immune to bullets.

Piledriver: “Hawkeye the Archer! Hah! Boy you gonna need Hawkeye the M.A.S.H. doctor in a minute -- ‘cause I reckon this good ol’ boy is gonna ‘mash’ you!”

Good one, Piledriver. Good banter.

Hawkeye: “Those shots were just warnings, dummy! I don’t want to have to hit you! From my bow, at this range, an arrow hits a lot harder than any bullet! Back off... please...”

We did learn in the Hawkeye mini that Hawkeye’s bow has a ridiculous draw strength.

This is a pretty good Hawkeye moment people don’t really point to a lot.

Also, I do love when an invincible or durable person who isn’t used to getting hurt gets hurt once and goes ‘NOPE! I DO NOT CARE FOR THIS!’

Hulk busts into Enchantress’ drinking room and unfortunately falls for her “I am but a helpless female!” routine. She gets all up in his business, magically puts him to sleep, and then pours herself another drink.

It could have been a good day for Enchantress if Captain America hadn’t come in right after.

Captain America: “What have you done to the Hulk?”

Enchantress: “For the moment, he is merely asleep. Doubtless dreaming dreams of me! But, alas, he can never truly have me, for I am yours, my handsome captain! Am I not beautiful? Come to me...”

Points for audacity but Captain America is a champion of not thinking with his dick. Blah blah willpower is legendary, socked Prometheus in the noggin. You get it.

Anyway, he socks Enchantress in the noggin with his shield and knocks her out.

Hawkeye and unthinged Ben try to find the rest of the heroes but run into Klaw and Lizard, who Klaw let out of his cell because he didn’t like to see anyone imprisoned but also because he liked the way Lizard talks. What an audiophile.

Ben Grimm: “Uh... any ideas, Hawk?”

Hawkeye: “Well... I guess we’ll have to outwit ‘em!”

Ben Grimm: “Us?!”

Hah.

Thor, Iron Man, Spider-Woman, and Mr Fantastic find Volcana and Molecule Man.

Iron Man makes the dubious tactical decision to charge right into Volcana’s plasma burst and burns out his armor.

Mr Fantastic pulls him out of the way and the other heroes try to get through Molecule Man’s fused air molecules invisible shield. They fail until Captain Marvel just lightbeams right through it. Because its transparent.

Love it. Love that her power works like that. Because it should.

Captain Marvel grabbing Molecule Man pulls open his Wolverine wounds and he passes out. Volcana surrenders to spare her boyfriend more pain.

Not that Monica intended that or knew he was wounded. This is still early Monica before Nextwave hardened her outlook. This is the Monica who was horrified when Blackout and Moonstone got pulled through a singularity.

Titania tried to drop a forty-ton beam on the heroes’ heads but is interrupted by Spider-Man thanks to his spectacular spider-sense.

She out-muscles him by a lot but she can’t actually lay a hit on him because he’s got superior spider agility. Maybe if she had more experience it’d be different but she’s basically in the angry flailing stage of her skill tree so far.

Spidey brags “With a little room to operate, no one can lay a glove on me -- not the X-Men, not the Absorbing Man, and not you!”

Titania: “When I get you I’ll -- AGGH!”

Spider-Man: “All you’re going to get is frustrated... and, eventually, trashed!”

Titania: “No! It’s not fair! *UHH!*”

Spider-Man: “But, if we were fighting in a broom closet, that’d be fair, right?”

Titania: “Stop it! Stop it! Stop -- !”

Spider-Man: “You ought to be happy, cuddles! You aspired to be a bully, and, man, you’re a classic! You talk tough and nasty when you’ve got the upper hand -- but when you’re losing -- well, that’s when the whining little wimp-ette inside comes spilling out!”

And then he defenestrates her without a window.

Fun fact: she apparently developed a Spider-Man phobia from this.

Understandably.

Y’know, in terms of embarrassing and traumatizing people, Spider-Man is having a good run in this story.

Captain American and Human Torch find a passed out Piledriver who fainted from blood loss after staggering away. And they find Ultron, standing between them and Doom.

Ultron is an Avengers-tier stomper who takes down entire teams and there’s just two heroes who coincidentally were both portrayed by Chris Evans. And the Human Torch’s fire is ineffective as Ultron gloats.

Ultron: “The core of the hottest star could not melt my adamantium body, human! Nothing can harm me! I am invincible! I am mechanically precise and computer-swift! I am perfect!”

When Ultron grapples Human Torch and starts throttling him, Cap tells him to use his nova-flame. Then hides behind his shield.

The flame melts a good portion of the room and the air being superheated somehow doesn’t make Cap crispy. And when the nova flare of the nova flame fades, Ultron’s chassis is still intact.

But the heat damaged something inside and Ultron is down. Johnny is also down, spent from the nova.

I like that the Fantastic Four would have their own way to deal with Ultron should that ever come up. Has it? You’d think it would.

Captain America proceeds to Doom alone but Doom is non-responsive from being Galactus’d.

And Reed, Spider-Man, and Hulk finds Hawkeye and Ben Grimm, where they have outwitted Klaw and Lizard.

Lizard: “Disssturb our gamess-s and the Lizard will dessstroy you! Once we finissh, we will do as you s-ssay!”

Well, whatever works!

With the fighting done, Captain Marvel finds She-Hulk, barely alive. The heroes jam her into a healing tube saving her in the nick of time.

The heroes also jam the villains into healing tubes because they’re heroes and are nice like that.

Considering the heroes were fighting to take prisoners and the villains very much weren’t, it’s lucky that the heroes won the majority of conflicts and got away from the one they didn’t.

The villains that didn’t need bacta treatments - or whatever is in those tubes - got shoved into cells. Also, Doom, because he might need the healing juice but it would require peeling him out of his armor and its probably booby-trapped.

Hawkeye and Captain Marvel return to the village to bring Wasp’s body to DoomHerobase for a funeral but they’re in for a surprise.

It turns out that Zsaji WAS able to heal Wasp who wasn’t dead just in a laser-induced death-like stasis. AS YA DO. It nearly killed Zsaji to bring Wasp back from such grievous injuries.

Colossus learns this by getting into her exposition drugs while she’s passed out and mind-melding with her.

Of course, it just makes the big lug fall deeper in love with her.

The important takeaway is that Wasp is alive. Just like we knew that she would be. The universe has been set right.

Over at Herobase, Reed Richards fixes the Iron Man armor after Rhodey got it a little melted.

Iron Man, James Rhodes: “I’m curious... were you surprised there was a black man under the metal?”

Reed Richards: “Hmm... No, I never gave it a thought! I knew there was a man under there...”

Its a nice exchange.

Its kinda ruined retroactively by Illuminati revealing that Reed knew Tony was Iron Man and would have known about Tony having to step down due to his alcoholism and likely knew about Rhodey taking over.

Dammit, Illuminati!

Elsewhere in the base, Spider-Man spots Hulk and Thor coming out of a room with Thor sporting a brand new cape and helmet. They tell Spidey that there’s a device in there that will make any clothes you want.

Except Spider-Man doesn’t bother asking which device and they don’t bother specifying so Spidey just picks the likeliest one and gets a black glob.

An important black glob.

To eventually be revealed to be an alien goo symbiote and later eventually tied to a dark god that predates the universe.

But for right now, its a way to incorporate a new costume design that a fan submitted. And Spider-Man handwaves it not looking like his old costume by assuming he was thinking of the new Spider-Woman.

So that’s how it is, Pete? She ‘ripped’ you off so you’re gonna rip her off?

You know whats really funny?

A month before this came out, in Spider-Man’s own book, he had learned that the costume was a living symbiote and had gotten rid of it.

It be like that with Secret Wars but its still funny that we’re finally seeing him get the costume just as he’s getting rid of it.

Anyway, Spider-Man’s new costume buzz is interrupted by the planet shaking and someone yelling in his brain.

Professor X: “CAPTAIN AMERICA! COME AT ONCE! IT HAS BEGUN! GALACTUS IS DEVOURING THE PLANET!”

It’s nice that the crises are waiting their turn.

January, 1985

ASSAULT ON GALACTUS!

The issue titles for this story are all so excited.

The X-Men were left on Galactus watching duty so when the big lug starts trying to eat the planet, the X-Men charge in to attack him.

Hm.

Y’know, I sometimes wonder what iconic storylines would have been like if a different set of characters handled it. This used to be great What If fodder. I know there was one where the Avengers tackled Galactus’ first appearance. And because it was the tone of What If at the time to viciously shoot down any divergence of the 616 timeline, THINGS WENT HORRIBLY WRONG.

Think of it like the Turn Left episode of Doctor Who.

POINT BEING, I wonder how the X-Men would have handled Galactus’ first appearance. Of course, this would be the O5 roster so they’d have their work cut out for them.

Heck, even with Storm on the team, the X-Men are over their heads with Galactus.

She hits him with two massive lightning bolts and Galactus keeps working like he didn’t even notice.

The X-Men seem to realize how out of their depth they are (especially sans Phoenixes, their usual Galactus-fighting go-to) but at Professor Xavier’s command they charge in anyway.

Galactus sends out a defensive drone so he can continue not paying the X-Men any mind and the mutants find themselves completely bogged down in fighting the drone while Galactus does his thing.

And from Zsaji’s sweet village, Captain Marvel, Wasp, and Hawkeye see a massive explosion where the X-Men were.

I guess they’re totally dead forever.

Wasp: “Should we head up there now?”

Hawkeye: “No! We’d better wait for Cap... and strike as a unit!”

Hah.

Its the expression, really. Like Hawkeye thinking to himself ‘oh I want no part of that.’

The non-X-Men assemble at Herobase to rush to the fight.

Mr. Fantastic: “Hurry! No telling how long the X-Men can hold out!”

Spider-Man: “Yeah! Where’s the rest of the alphabet when you need it?”

HAH!

Oh, Spider-Man, you are a delight.

In the airship over, Thor notices that Hulk looks glum and tries to cheer him up.

Thor: “If ‘tis that you do not fit in these chairs that depresses you, count yourself fortunate! They were made, I think, for insect men... or by trolls, for torture! If ‘tis the impending battle troubling thee -- just think! What greater chance for glory has man or god e’er known? More even than Ragnarok, this is the battle I was born millennia ago to fight! You, too, are a warrior born, Hulk! A taste of battle and the berserker battle-lust shall rise in thy soul!”

Hulk: “I doubt it! I lost that when I gained the intelligence of my human side -- Bruce Banner! And now I’m slowly losing that, too! I’m not savage enough... or smart enough to be a relevant factor!”

Well, You Tried, Thor.

Johnny Torch is trying to cheer up Ben Grimm who is as grim as his name over his powers popping in and out as they please.

And then the rocks pop back on just as Ben is dramatically bemoaning that he can’t control them.

The Thing: “Whoopie! I’m the Thing again! I’m so happy, I even like you!”

Human Torch: “Yeow! You lummox! Put me down! Jeez, I can see the headlines -- ‘affectionate hug slays Human Torch en route to battle -- universe destroyed as a result’!’“

This book has some decent lines.

Iron Man ogles Spider-Woman under the pretense of not trusting her but then goes a little ‘I’ll show them all!’

Iron Man: “A lot of guys have worked with Iron Man before -- but that was when Tony Stark was in this suit! I think they’ve started to realize there’s a different guy in here, now... an’ they got their doubts! They’re keepin’ their distance -- don’t quite trust me yet! Don’t matter! As long as I got this armor, I’m one ba-ad dude -- especially since Richards souped it up! As soon as that fight starts, I’ll show ‘em -- show ‘em I’m Iron Man! The real Iron Man! James Rhodes is Iron Man -- now and forever!”

Rhodey pls.

Also meanwhile, because this is a long flight, Spider-Man starts hopping all around the interior of the airship overexcited because he’s just discovered that the totally benign goo suit he got has webshooters!

And he squirts Johnny in the face to prove it because that’s just how Spider-Man is sometimes.

Johnny complains that this webbing is even harder to burn than his old stuff which will turn itself into a bit of a plot hole down the line when its revealed that symbiotes are weak to fire.

Whoops.

Its fine though. Pre-modern Venom has always had sloppy writing around it.

He also demonstrates the goo suit’s ability to change shape.

I can’t believe that Marvel were cowards and never had Peter go around in the Summer Variant suit.

Reed lets himself go down a melancholic musing rabbit hole and starts poking holes in the story logic.

Mr. Fantastic: “At face value, the whole thing is absurd! Why would a being so far removed from us and so powerful as the Beyonder bring us across the universe for a stupid, simplistic ‘good-versus-evil’ gladiatorial contest? Is he a mad god? A cosmic idiot? And why us? Why this odd collection of beings, mostly from Earth? And why Galactus? He doesn’t fit! Human beings and even gods may be tempted, but Galactus is a force of nature -- no more capable of having enemies than a hurricane or an earthquake! Why is he here? There must be more to this... but what possible purpose could there be?”

Credit where its due, these are things I’ve been wondering!

But Reed is so busy pondering this that he runs the airship into the energy discharge from Galactus’ machine and crashes the ship on top of Colossus.

Smooth move, absent minded professor.

With only seconds before the world starts to burn, the Avengers, Fantastic Four, and assorted leap into battle against Galactus.

Iron Man manages to get past Galactus’ defense drones and punch his world eating engine, thanks to the upgrades done to the armor.

But now that they’re being successful, Reed interjects and tells them to stop winning so hard. Yes, really.

Mr. Fantastic: “Ben, we can’t go through with this! At last I see a purpose here -- a meaning to the universe for this insane conflict! WE MUST NOT STOP GALACTUS!’

Then Galactus effortlessly blasts the heroes away.

Which, if nothing else, gives Reed a chance to catch his breath to EXPOSIT MORE.

Mr. Fantastic: “For the first time this whole thing makes seom sense to me! I see a possible purpose in it! This is a chance to rid our universe of the threat of Galactus! All we have to do is let him win this contest! If the Beyonder indeed, grants hsi wish, he’ll be freed of his planet-consuming hunger at long last!”

The Thing: “And if the Beyonder reneges?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Re-energized by consuming this world, Galactuc will attack -- I know it! And force the Beyonder to pay up -- or be destroyed in the attempt. Any way you look at it... the universe wins! Countless billions who would have eventually fallen prey to Galactus -- will live in peace!”

Spider-Man: “Yeah, but why us? Why were we picked to decide the fate of the universe?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Why not us? We picked ourselves, remember? Besides... we beings of Earth seem to have a knack for being pivotal in the cosmic scheme of things.”

Reed, some offense but you’re the last person who should be speaking on this.

Galactus is only alive now because you had a hunch that he had some Big Important Role in the cosmic order and saved his life.

You may remember that because THE ENTIRETY OF SPACE PUT YOU ON TRIAL FOR IT.

Turning around on that because now you have a different hunch that everything will be a-okay if the Beyonder kills Galactus, is just such a classic Reed move.

Anyway, the discussion ends because Galactus raptures Reed and the entire mountaintop his machine was sitting on.

Since the suspects of Reed rapturing were Galactus or the Beyonder, its not very surprising that its Galactus forcibly inviting Reed up to his solar-system sized apartment.

What, you thought that the Beyonder would be more present in this story that it initiated? Fool.

Anyway, Galactus wants to have a friendly talk at Reed. Because Galactus is one of the few people that can talk down at Reed and he just has to sit tight and listen.

Meanwhile, over at the former Doombase, locked in a Doomcell, its Doom. Still in his catatonia OR IS IT?

Doom: “THE WORLD SHIP IS THE WAY! Galactus’s home itself is the way I seek! At last, I see!”

He activates the get-out-of-jail-free button hidden in his ankle which activates a point-singularity power supply that busts the door off his cell.

He ignores all of the other imprisoned villains to free Klaw.

Doom: “You, yourself, Klaw, are a ‘recording’ of sorts, due to the time you spent as a wave of vibratory energy coursing through the walls of Galactus’s homeworld! Come with me!”

Klaw: “Where to? Toodle-oo, toodle-oo!”

Doom: “To the lab! I’m going to dissect you!”

Klaw: “Oh, good!”

If it were anyone else that would read as sarcastic.

Its also revealed that Doom talks to himself because he is constantly recording.

Doom: “Every utterance of Doom must be recorded for posterity!”

How on-brand.

Meanwhile, back over at where the fight was, Cyclops OPTIC BLASTS out of the hole Magneto buried the X-Men in to save them from Galactus’ exploding drone.

Good job, Magneto.

Buuut. The fight is over so the X-Men just vaguely wander over to Zsaji’s village to catch up with Captain America’s group.

Zsaji wakes up from her Wasp-healing coma and runs over... right past Colossus to embrace Johnny. To make Colossus sad in the background.

But Johnny is too worried about Reed being raptured to make out with his new space girlfriend right now.

The heroes debate what to do.

Cap(tain America) wants to just stand ready until Galactus comes back and Cap(tain Marvel) suggests finding some spaceships at former Doombase and mounting an assault on Galactus’ imagination-ruiningly huge homeship.

The Thing offers the daring option of ‘hey Reed said not to fight Galactus and dangit what Reed says goes!’

He’s as bad as the Inhumans, I swear.

Reed reappears right about when Iron Man and the Thing are about to come to blows over the ‘do whatever Reed says’ plan.

The Thing: “Stretch! What happened?”

Mr. Fantastic: “Not much! We had tea...”

NOW I KNOW that Galactus likely has some robot servant or device that makes tea for him. But I can’t get the image out of my head of Galactus holding a tiny teapot and serving Reed tea.

How dare this comic cut away and let that happen off-panel!

Anyway, their big OFF-PANEL talk?

Mr. Fantastic: “He told me that I was a ‘force of the universe’ just as he is -- ! That I’m a ‘universal champion of life’ just as he is an instrument of death!”

Now. Nooooow. Champion slash Avatar of Life is a legitimate thing in Marvel, once filled by, uh, Captain Marvel. The Kree guy version. So the position is open.

I just find it easier to believe that Galactus was saying random nonsense to try to befuddle Reed into doing what Galactus wants rather than it being official.

The Avatar of Life page on marvel wiki doesn’t seem to credit it. It only has two versions of Adam Warlock, Drax, and Cancerverse Mar-Vell.

Anyway.

Mr. Fantastic: “I don’t what to say! I’m more convinced than ever that it’s right to let Galactus do what he must! And if I’m a ‘Champion of Life’ does it not make sense to allow Galactus to slay us so that countless billions will live? Or was he telling me that I must fight to serve even these relatively few lives here? I just don’t know...”

Yeeeeah. More convinced than ever that Galactus was filling Reed’s brain with cognitive chaff so to speak.

But Ben “Thing” Grimm is like ‘hey if Reed tells me I gotta die for the good of the universe then I’m ready to die so we’re not fighting unless Reed says so.’

Hawkeye: “This is a real crock! We’ve got to fight! Quitters! Cowards!”

I rarely say this but I think Hawkeye has a point.

Anyway, Galactus reappears the mountaintop, his machine, and himself to get back to snacking on the planet.

Far be it from me to tell Galactus how to ‘mortals are beneath my notice’ but maybe he’d get better results relocating his machine to the other side of the planet. Get some element of surprise, a head start.

No? Fine.

Captain America: “All right, listen up! I’m going to fight! The rest of you come or not as your conscience dictates!”

Wasp: “We’re with you, Cap!”

Captain America: “Good! But first... I just want to tell you, Professor Xavier, that despite our differences, you and your people did us -- and the universe, as far as I’m concerned -- a great service, earlier!”

Professor Xavier: “It was an honor!”

Captain America: “I hope you, the X-Men... and Magneto will come and fight side by side with us now! No one here will deny you’ve earned that much!”

Think about all the grief that could have been saved if people were willing to give Magneto the benefit of the doubt at the beginning of the story! Womp womp!

Meanwhile at Doombase (because the heroes are all off doing stuff and when the heroes are away Doom gets his base back), Doom observes the battle against Galactus starting AND that the Beyonder has cracked open his portal to watch the fight.

But more importantly, Doom cut Klaw into slices.

Back over at the heroes fighting Galactus, the heroes are fighting Galactus.

As in, directly. No drones.

Its a sign that they’re making some sort of progress.

He’s still batting them around like leaves in the wind.

But the Terrific Three show up to actually help.

Mr. Fantastic: “Galactus used enormous amounts of energy transporting his homeworld here -- and I’m sure he hasn’t fed for months! His power is almost depleted! We can take him!”

Captain America: “Richards, I -- I’m glad you’re here -- but what made you change your mind?”

Mr. Fantastic: “I... thought about what Galactus said -- and I’m still not certain that, in the cosmic scheme of things, what we’re doing is right -- but I realized just how badly I want to see my baby born, Cap! I want that more than anything -- ! And I’m going to fight for it!”

Aww.

He’s going to be waiting a long time for that baby though.

Not because of comic book time but because of intense drama reasons.

The heroes manage to reach the top of the mountain and start trashing Galactus’ machine despite Reed insisting that they ignore it and prevent Galactus from escaping.

And Galactus just animation-cell-slides-up ‘I must return to my homeworld’ style.

And as Reed explains how badly they done fucked up, Galactus takes a last look around his homeworld/spaceship. Because he doesn’t need his machine to eat planets. It just makes the process more efficient. So if the heroes are going to be annoying about him eating Battleworld, he’s just going to eat his own dang home!

Mr. Fantastic: “He’s devouring his own living world -- perhaps the greatest energy source in the universe! Moments after he’s finished, this godforsaken planet will be next! We won’t be able to stop him this time! Then he’ll probably consume the sun too! He’ll want every iota of energy available in case he must do battle with the Beyonder! We’re dead men!”

Wow. Is that the most kirby krackle we’ve ever seen?

But as Galactus converts his home into POWER COSMIC, Doom is ready with his own plan to steal that power, aided by a series of lenses he’s turned Klaw into.

As ya do?

You’ll have to tune in to the last quarter of Secret Wars to see if Doom succeeds in doing that thing that he always tries to do.

My thought is: maybe.

Follow @essential-avengers​ for the good job I’m doing with these Secret Warses. Like and reblog maybe.

[alolowrites]

Comforting Words

Summary: You return to the U.A. dorms following a disastrous date. Surprisingly Bakugou offers some “comforting words” to you.

Author’s note: As promised, here is the story to celebrate reaching 100 followers!!! Thank you all so much for this! Story is kinda a sequel to “Laundry Night” (idk) ??? Either way, it just seemed fitting to share another Bakugou story to mark such an occasion.

Enjoy!

~~~

I’m so stupid, stupid, stupid!

You figuratively and literally slapped yourself as you marched to your dorm building at like 10:35pm on a Saturday night. Marching to the shared kitchen, you carelessly threw your ice cream pint onto the counter. As you rummaged through the drawers, a growl escaped your mouth when you couldn’t find one spoon. Any other day you would see spoons left and right, yet they magically disappeared when you needed them the most.  

Searching through the billions of utensils in the drawer, you finally found the main prize. Your attention went to the ice cream pint and your fingers furiously tugged on the lid to no avail. Now you were on the verge to punch someone. Why was the universe being so cruel? Did you accidentally piss them off? Are they having some mood swing, because honey this ain’t it.

Why won’t you open?!

“Are you really so pathetic that you can’t open the flimsy ice cream cover?”

You stopped struggling and slammed both your hands against the counter. Closing your eyes, you breathed through your nostrils to calm yourself. Bakugou saw your back and the harsh glare peering over it.

“I’m not in the mood, Bakugou,” you snarled at him. “If you want to insult me, give me two to three business days.”

“Should I send a Google calendar invite to remind you?” He mocked.

Of course he threw that at you.

A piece of hair fell over your eyes and you blew it away. Grabbing the cold pint, you spun around to face your tormentor. Bakugou leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest and wore his favorite black shirt.

It was also your favorite shirt. The fabric shamelessly emphasized his Spartan-like muscles as a result of his vigorous training. Feeling your eyes rake at his tone arms, you mentally forced some self-control. You never wanted to give this buffoon the satisfaction that you admired his top-notch physique.

No…you would never hear the end of it from him. So to save face, you diverted your eyes back to the ice cream pint freezing your hand and frowned.

Stupid hormones.

Without looking up, you asked: “Why are you here?”

“You were being too loud,” Bakugou complained. You barked out a dry laugh while snapping your head up.

“I’m being to loud!?” You pointed to yourself with eyebrows raised. “That’s rich coming from you, Mr. DIE-DIE-DIE! I’m surprised you’re not croaking like a dying frog.”

He ignored your comment. “You’re upset, what the hell happened?”

“Why do you care?” You shot back at him.

“Answer the fucking question, idiot, I’m not asking again.”

So now he wants to be a damn therapist?

“Hmph, fine.” You lifted the cover and reclined against the counter to make yourself comfortable. “My date was an asshole. Everything was fine at first, you know? He took me to this nice restaurant and we were hitting it off. Everything was perfect—the mood, the scenery, the food. Then one thing lead to another,” you lowered your chin, “and he kissed me…”

Distracted, you didn’t catch Bakugou’s fists clenching and his scowl growing deeper. “I didn’t ask for a recap of your crappy romantic date!”

“It’s important to the damn story!” You yelled at him, thrusting your spoon his way. “And you’re the one who asked! If I have to suffer through this date again, you’re suffering with me so buckle up, firecracker.”

Said firecracker seethed, but stayed quiet. You took it as sign to continue. “So anyway, he kissed me and next thing you know, some lady’s claws ripped me apart from him. They were actual claws by the way, like her nails were soooo long, I was surprised she didn’t scratch my face.”

Bakugou rolled his eyes.

“Apparently the guy used me to get his ex-girlfriend jealous so they can get back together,” you venomously spat out. “I gave that guy a Texas-smash slap and threw cold water at him. With ice cubes, for good measure too.”

A second later, you angrily stabbed the ice cream which took Bakugou by surprised. However, he quickly recovered and watched as you blindly attacked the delicious delicacy that was a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream pint.

“I felt so humiliated—”

Stab.

“—and used—“

Stab, stab.

“—and ugh!”

The spoon dropped. It clanked against the floor and you didn’t move for a moment. With flushed cheeks, you discarded the ice cream that was now a swirling mess. Slumping backwards, your back hit the kitchen drawers while you pinched the bridge of your nose. Tears dangerously emerged in your eyes, but you forced them to stay put. There was no way you were going to cry in front of him.

One hand weakly gestured towards Bakugou. You felt like a deflated balloon. “Go ahead, tell me that I’m just a dumbass with peasant problems.”

“Well you are a dumbass,” he started and you figured much. “But you’re a dumbass for moping over some garbage idiot like him.”

…what?

You didn’t expect that kind of response. Scrunching your eyebrows together, you gave him a ridiculous stare. Bakugou sighed loudly and slid his hand over his face as if he needed to spell out something so obvious.

“Look, you’re sulking over an asshole who never respected you,” he explained. Your ears carefully listened to every word. “Even though you stood up for yourself, you’re still letting that bastard win by acting all sad and shit.”

You stupidly blinked.

“Quit whining and realize he was never in your league in the first place,” he grunted as his crimson irises narrowed at you. “He’s not worth shedding tears over for, so don’t you dare start fucking crying.”

He left you speechless and you gawked at him.

Never in your life did you expect Bakugou to comfort someone…well, comfort anyone in general really. Did he give you a soft cuddle, patting your head saying everything was going to be okay? Hell no. Instead you got the Bakugou-version of it where he slapped some sense into your sorry-ass for moaning after some douche.

“I hate how right you areee,” you groaned dramatically into the air. Bakugou snorted at your reaction, but didn’t say anything else. Bringing your head down, you let out a soft chuckle and grinned at him. “I shouldn’t let that bastard make me feel so shitty. How dare he make me almost act out a cliche movie scene where I cry myself into an ice cream pint. The nerve of him…”

“Damn right.”

“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but—” you inhaled for the melodramatic effect “—thank you, Bakugou, for your comforting, albeit unconventional, words.”

“Yeah, whatever,” he muttered while looking away, hoping you didn’t catch the blush flaring up his cheeks. “Just as long as you stop stomping in here like a damn rhino.”

Your face briefly fell. “Ok, rude.”

He shot you a tiny smirk and the butterflies fluttered in your stomach.

Suddenly the floor became more interested and you remembered the mess you made. A curse flew out of your mouth as you snatched a paper towel to clean up the spot. After finding another spoon, you looked at your ice cream on the counter. It was slightly melted, but there was no way you were going to throw it away. In front of you was a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream and you spent good money on this baby.

“So,” you tapped your finger on the pint and took one bite of your dessert. “I guess we’re done here.”

“Guess so,” he nonchalantly shrugged.

Very well then, you thought as you slowly walked towards the doorframe where Bakugou stood and paused. It took all your willpower not to shrink away considering how close you two were. Your eyes boldly stared into his and neither of you said a word. The room was so silent you prayed Bakugou couldn’t hear your heart throbbing loudly against your chest.

No. Not yet.

“Well,” you broke the silence and flashed him a playful smile. “At least I now know there is a nice troll under the bridge.”

Not missing a beat, you rushed out of the kitchen with a hearty laugh before Bakugou had a chance to blast your annoying face out of existence.

~~~

Fun fact: originally this story was not going to be published. It was sitting in my “Unreleased Cuts” folder for some time because I wasn’t feeling the plot’s direction. Left it alone, came back to it and fixed it up. 

And here we are! 

Thank you again for reading :)

[bigbatlittlebat]

Damian taught alfred how to 'step out of the shadows' like how a room or a street is seemingly empty and then batman walks out of the shadows unexpectedly and it's kinda cool kinda really fuckin scary if you're a criminal anyway when bruce is over tired or wrecked from a mission sometimes alfred will wait in a dark corner in his room til he wakes up and then alfred will be like morning master bruce, bruce nearly jumps out of his skin and depending on surprise level may release a muffled scream, alfred steps out of shadows with a tray of breakfast and tea trying to conceal a smile and damian can be heard laughing from the hallway

That disappearing mid conversation thing that batman always does to Gordon, yeah all his kids learned how to do that on him, sometimes when they've been a bit reckless and Bruce is trying to teach them and hes on a rant explaining how stupid they were and that they shouldn't do it again blah blah blah and he turns round to an empty batcave

When jason and tim hang out or are on patrol together they listen to the crappiest pop music sometimes Stephanie joins them but they've sworn her to secrecy, it was harleys fault she's the one that got them into it

Nightwing helps parkour kids on the street learn some cool moves and he tells them where all the best spots are and encourages them to try gymnastics if they haven't all ready cuz it can help with thier bar movement

When dick is on patrol and (magically) everything is quiet no crime tonight sometimes he'll call by harleys and they have a gymnastics session although harley has occasionally roped him into yoga and the occasional sheet face mask

Not really a hot take more like a piss take 😅 but tim sleeps with a night light and only damian knows, bruce knows but they don't know that

Steph cass and duke join the Gotham skateboarding rink, steph sucks but luckily cass and duke ain't too bad at it and manage to teach her

For Stephs birthday she made the whole fam go roller blading with her including alfred, jason fell on his ass a ridiculous amount of times, tim, damian and duke had races and tried to push each other over, dick and Bruce tried to out do each other dick won (Maybe bruce let him win), dick also showed off by doing several back flips in a row and skating flawlessly away on one foot drawing the attention of a bunch of kids and thier mum's who were at the rink so he ended up being an instructor for he rest of the evening which he didn't mind at all, alfred was surprisingly good at it and suggested they do it every year providing that tim, duke and damian behave a bit better, cass and steph had a blast dancing around in thier skates and ended up at either side of jason dragging him around cuz he fell again lay there and didn't see the point in getting back up

Family dinners sometimes consist of the entire batfam plus barbara selina talia and harley, babs and harley try to give alfred a hand in the kitchen and not that he would say anything but he'd really prefer to do it on his own as he considers harley a fire hazard

Okay but I love the idea of Damian teaching Alfred that purely because from experience young teenagers and children love to think they're teaching you new things and that would 100% be how he bonds with him. Also just the chaos it could cause for Bruce gives me lifeeee. And the idea that they can all do the disappearing act is hilarious because once again - chaos for Bruce

I hc that Jason Tim and Steph all listen to like early Taylor Swift and shit from like the 2010s. So criminals being scared off by Red Hood and Red Robin blasting shitty pop music is amazing

Also there is no way Nightwing doesn't take any excuse he can get to piss about and do his gymnastics tricks even when he's supposed to be patrolling. Also also love the idea that he has a good relationship with Harley - can not get enough of that

Okay yes Tim sleeping with a nightlight currently but I raise you - every member of the batfam had a night light at some point but the only ones that still do are Tim and Duke. No I will not elaborate.

I adore big batfam outings for the absolute difference in reactions like yeah Jason sucking at roller skating but also the parallel of Dick and the others just being able to do it. Imagine Dick doing patrol for a night with roller skates on? Flawless

I like to imagine that once a year at least everyone comes over for a proper get together and Alfred's cooking just comes as a part of it because no one can say no to him.

[thanksjro]

Dark Cybertron Chapter 11: The Word “Logic” Doesn’t Even Mean Anything Anymore

Our issue opens up with a flashback to establish some things.


Because despite the six literal issues of prelude, and all the ham-fisted exposition we’ve gotten throughout the “Dark Cybertron” event, we still don’t have all the information we need to understand what the hell’s happening.

I have a feeling this won’t quite cut the mustard, either.

Anyway, back during the events of MTMTE #1, when Rodimus was making his call to action to his fellow Cybertronians (and by “Cybertronians” I, of course, mean “Autobots”, because prejudice is a hard habit to kick, even for the best of us) Brainstorm was doing science on Hardhead. He was doing this science to make sure that the Dead Universe hadn’t killed him without him realizing. This is a very common issue in the world of IDW2005 Transformers, considering that zombies are a part of canon, so it’s just best to be sure. Nova Prime’s lifeless body sits in the corner like the world’s worst coffee table book.

This will take some explaining, because this is Phase One related.

In Spotlight: Sideswipe, Nova Prime beefed it, except he didn’t, because his “essence” returned to the Dead Universe. This is because he was chosen by the Dead Universe to enact its will on the other, much cooler, Not-Dead Universe. In short, he’s a weird robot zombie-ghost with a save point in the Dead Universe.

Brainstorm has his corpse in his lab to make sure this bastard is true and proper dead, or that the body he left behind is at least. That, in combination with Hardhead proving to be very much alive, means that today can be counted as a win for everyone! The “Alive-People-Counter” machine proves it!

…This is why we can’t have nice things.

Brainstorm being undead does have some precedence within the narrative, given what happened in MTMTE #3.

Though I can’t help but wonder what the guy’s been doing for the last year and a half, that he didn’t notice being dead, when his soul is a large, glowing orb with physical presence. I dunno, he just seems like the sort of guy to keep up to date on that sort of thing, if only for scientific purposes.

In the present day, in the beautiful city of Iacon, everything’s gone to shit, and Whirl’s gotten hot for some reason, as billions of Ammonites fall out of the sky.

Who friggin’ drew this-

I should’ve known.

Up on the Lost Light, Ultra Magnus is breaking out the fancy swears, as a… tornado, I guess, of Ammonites hits the underside of the ship. Bumblebee wants to evacuate the friggin’ planet- which, I don’t know if you know this, would be a little difficult to do, even with a ship the size of NYC. Unfortunately, that’s not gonna fly, however, because all the stars in the sky are blue-shifting.

Wikipedia tells me that this is probably a bad thing, and Perceptor agrees, calling it “the end of everything.”

Over in Shockwave’s Lair of Villainy and Magical Bullshit, everyone’s favorite purple science gremlin has stabbed a “time drive” into his chest. Galvatron is laying dead on the floor in the foreground, but this isn’t about him. Shockwave orders Jhiaxus to activate the time drive, I guess because he doesn’t have long enough arms to do it himself. Jhiaxus warns Shockwave to be mindful, lest he lose himself in time, and then we get a return to a Roberts writing staple that we haven’t seen in quite a while.

Waxing poetic on the nature of time- this time, in a visual medium!

Awful lot of fixating on your ritualistic amputations there, Shocky-boy. I suppose this is ONE way to try to cope with a lack of control in your life.

Of course, to those on the outside of Shockwave’s brain, this doesn’t look nearly as impressive- it actually just looks like him screaming really loud at the ceiling. Bludgeon isn’t sure that this course of action is a healthy one to take, but Jhiaxus is too busy being sapiosexual to worry about that.

I-

Sure. I’m not even going to bother trying to understand this anymore.

Jhiaxus orders Monstructor to go keep the Autobots away from Shockwave.

Also, Galvatron isn’t dead. Good for him, I guess.

Over inside Metroplex, Windblade’s face seems to be stuck in the generic “I am a nice, nonthreatening female character who is also pretty” position, as Ultra Magnus tells her that the universe is ending. Chromia watches in the background as this happens, likely wondering if being relevant in modern media again is worth this bullshit.

Hearing that Bumblebee plans to take the fight to Shockwave is enough to get Metroplex back on his feet, which is good, because I don’t think we have a lot of time to convince the guy to do anything- this event ends next issue.

As Metroplex windmills his arms through swarms of Ammonites, the Lost Light lands, and Bumblebee, Megatron, and all their experts disembark. Bumblebee makes an unsolicited comment about Megatron’s body. They go to meet Soundwave, who isn’t terribly thrilled with Megatron having become all buddy-buddy with Bumblebee. Megatron mentions that the Decepticons are going to have to rethink their strategy once this is all over, with the implication being that they’re going to- gasp- work together with the Autobots.

Then Starscream shows up with Metalhawk, Skywarp, Rattrap, Waspinator, and Scoop for some fucking reason, in tow. Skywarp is going to teleport everyone into Shockwave’s Bastardization of the Concept of Science House, even though he pretty clearly isn’t feeling too well. What a guy.

Starscream and Megatron have a bit of banter that won’t set your hair on end with how awful they are to one another, Metalhawk tries to apologize for attempting to kill Bumblebee, and we really don’t have time for this shit right now. The narrative knows this, because it shifts to focus on Prowl and the Constructicons. Things are looking real rough just about everywhere, and it’s coming down to the wire, so they gotta do the thing.

The thing Prowl really doesn’t want to do.

The thing he said that he wouldn’t do again.

So anyway, they form Devastator.

As Monstructor gets ready to get punched in the face by a bunch of construction workers and a cop, everyone down below is firing off laser blasts and gearing up for a teleporting adventure. However, there’s a small problem- there are too many people to teleport! Oh no! The only solution is for Soundwave and his cassettes, Scoop, Getaway and-

Excuse me, Hook?

Hook, my dude? What the fuck do you think you’re doing? You’re supposed to be a leg right now, motherfucker, why are you here? GO HOME, HOOK.

Anyway, I’m really glad we wasted the time establishing that Soundwave and his band of merry little men were coming along on this trip, only for them to not come along after all. Love that shit.

I don’t actually love that shit. I’m sorry for lying.

With the load lightened, Skywarp teleports the rest of the gang to where they need to be, and Waspinator is immediately stabbed with a massive raging poisoning sword of doom. Bludgeon’s here to greet everyone, and Metalhawk is gonna try his damnedest to get the guy to come around to their side.

You remember when Metalhawk did things like connive, and scheme, and actually had more depth than a sidewalk puddle? Because I remember. Now he’s just... Beast Wars Silverbolt, but he’s not even attempting to be charming. I bet he wouldn’t even call his evil girlfriend “my soul’s delight.” Lame.

Bumblebee, Megatron, and friends book it for Shockwave, while Magnus and Skids get ready to kick some ass. Brainstorm isn’t feeling so hot, but this isn’t about him.

Starscream is having a minor crisis over the fact that Scoop stayed behind in a literal war zone for Starscream’s sake. I dunno that he did it specifically for Starscream, but Starscream seems pretty convinced that he did, and who am I to argue with the leader of a whole friggin’ planet?

The gang makes it to Jhiaxus’ ship, where they find-

I swear to god, if there’s not a fucking explanation for what the shit is happening right here I’m going to scream.

…So anyway, Metalhawk and Jhiaxus start beating each other up, Starscream gets bent out of shape by Jhiaxus’ trash talk, and we get an explanation for his new look.

Which, y’know, thank fucking god.

Jhiaxus has new reactive armor, which takes anything thrown at him and adapts it to his own body for personal use, which feels like some Grade-A Kids Playing Pretend bullshit, but WHATEVER.

While this is going on, Megatron and Bumblebee have run into the center of Shockwave’s Laboratory of Morally-Abhorrent Mystical Buffoonery Masquerading as the Scientific Method. Dreadwing tries to make a case for self-defense of his property, but unfortunately he doesn’t understand how property rights work, and gets blasted for his troubles. Galvatron reveals himself to be alive to Megatron, who immediately grabs the dude by the throat.

Galvatron’s feeling pretty down about having inadvertently helped end the universe, and is throwing himself a little pity party. Megatron’s not having it, however, tossing the man into the ground and revving up to fusion-cannon him to death. Bumblebee stops him, for some reason, and then starts rambling, I guess STILL trying to be Optimus Prime 2.0.

Bumblebee, you put bombs in people’s heads to make them fall into line. You don’t get to talk to Captain Warlord about moral nuance. And weren’t you also berating Metalhawk for trying this same thing not five minutes ago?

Bumblebee’s words reach Megatron, and instead of annihilating Galvatron, he offers the dude a hand up.

Then Bumblebee gets shot and dies, while Shockwave just… stares menacingly, I guess.

Cool.

The death of his very best friend in the whole wide world sends Megatron into a rage, and he punches Shockwave in the face. This doesn’t really faze him much though, as he bats Megatron across the fucking room like he’s made of papier-mâché and dreams, going on about how the universe will save Cybertron by being its power source “in an endless forever.”

Shockwave, you’re a man of science. You ought to know that “forever” as a concept, doesn’t fucking WORK scientifically. It’s nonsense. You’re nonsense, and I hate you.

Back with the Bludgeon Ass-Kicking Squad, Brainstorm’s having a bad time, while everyone else sort of awkwardly poses. Skids gets stabbed. Skids falls down. Brainstorm falls down. Ultra Magnus is concerned, but he’s too busy not being stabbed to help anyone.

Brainstorm’s in a lot of pain, and then a hand bursts out of his chest and-

GODDAMMIT JAMES.

Fucking- Team -Imus burst out of the Dead Universe from Brainstorm, who I will remind you, is undead thanks to Dead Universe lightning bullshit, making him a link between it and the much cooler Not-Dead Universe. Everyone is posing, even Cyclonus, who absolutely should think that sort of thing is beneath him, but whatever.

That’s the end of the issue. Go home.

[shima-draws]

can you tell us more about the pokemon au with the magical creatures stuff? you said ash draws magical creatures and is basically like a pokemon whisperer. is it connected to his aura stuff? also, what's pikachu's role in this? like basically a travel companion, maybe a familiar? thanks, love your works!

[[Anonymous said: Same anon that asked you about the mythical creatures AU . I wanted to know the backstory for the characters that you made ones for sorry for not making it clear last time 😅]]

No problem!!

Ash was basically born as a mage—most humans don’t have any magic at all, so it was a sort of rare thing 🤔 And yes it connects to his aura powers! Ofc he doesn’t really discover those until he travels through Hoenn and meets Lucario. They’re basically tradeoffs; Ash’s magic strengthens his aura and vice versa.

Naturally Ash wasn’t very good at using magic at first and wasn’t super fond of studying it since he’s more of a hands on learner lol. (Gary teased him a LOT for this.) But since Ash was a kid he’s had a knack for connecting with Pokemon, even the stubborn ones, and gains a reputation in Pallet Town for being the local Pokemon tamer. It helps that he has that sort of personality that’s very easy to make friends with.

His first encounter with Pikachu goes pretty much like it does in canon; the difference is that Pikachu doesn’t trust people who can use magic or mythical creatures—hence his initial hatred of Ash. But Ash is able to earn Pikachu’s trust!! So yeah he still acts as Ash’s main traveling companion.

Ash doesn’t openly use his magic a lot tho, only for when the situation really calls for it or when he’s trying to connect with a Pokemon. The same goes for his aura. Most of the time he just uses it to heighten his own senses, so he can tell what’s going on with other people and Pokemon around him. Sort of like hyper empathy? And he uses it for simple, daily tasks, like doing the dishes or making things float lol. He initially started his journey to get a better handle on his magic and learn more about Pokemon, but he developed a passion for battling instead, and devotes his time to that! He’s also fascinated by other mythical creatures—Pallet is a small town so he didn’t really get to meet a lot of unique creatures as a kid, so being able to travel the world and meet lots of different supernatural beings is a total blast for him!

Ash has tried using his magic to open portals to other worlds before, but he’s nowhere near strong enough to do it;; but in theory he could, if he were given a big enough power boost.

As for the rest—I honestly haven’t dug too deep yet, but I do have some background info on Gladion 👀

Vampires are very rare to begin with, and very reclusive. Vampires in Alola are unheard of, because it’s always sunny and warm there, and vampires prefer cooler temperatures and areas where the weather is usually overcast. Most of them live in the mountains of Sinnoh and Unova.

Ofc Gladion couldn’t really move away from Alola to some place colder, being so young, and with Lusamine being...how she is, so he learns over the years to cope with the heat and the sun. (He didn’t want to just leave Lillie behind like that, either.) He eventually finds an abandoned cabin at the base of Mount Lanakila and shelters there. This is where Ash visits him most of the time, especially since he never comes out during the day c: So this does mean that Ash hauls ass to Ula’ula Island to see him...that or he uses his magic to teleport over lmao

Contrary to popular belief and general vampire lore, they can be out in the sun, it’s just extremely blinding. Like they legit cannot see shit in the daytime, the light gives them splitting headaches and makes them extremely drowsy. (And it does burn, a little, so if they do have some reason to be out during the day they have to wear protective clothing.)

Gladion usually orders his blood online LOL I know that sounds weird but it’s not like he goes out and actually feeds on people, especially since he’s so anti-social to begin with and has massive trust issues. Vampire feeding is an enormous commitment and sharing of trust (and also very intimate), and he wouldn’t just go and suck blood from somebody randomly...so yes he does have to get batches delivered to him to keep him sated. Originally at Aether there was always a fridge stocked with blood for him, but since he left home he’s basically just been using his allowance and battle winnings to get his supply.

Since vampires also have a very keen sense of smell Gladion’s nose is very sensitive;; and since most mythical creatures are drawn to magic, he’s naturally drawn to Ash as well, who has a very wonderful scent to him. Gladion is afraid to be around Ash sometimes because of how openly reckless Ash is, and he fears that if Ash were to get into an accident that would spill blood, he wouldn’t be able to control himself around Ash and possibly attack him :’(

Still, Ash is one of the few people Gladion trusts completely, and who knows where his current hideout is. Since Ash hasn’t met a lot of vampires during his travels due to their rarity and general reclusiveness, he’s fascinated by Gladion and always drops by to battle and then pester him with questions about his lifestyle. (Also, he likes stopping by during the day sometimes, because rumpled sleepy Gladion is ADORABLE and a sight not a lot of people have the privilege of seeing.)

Anyway that’s probably way too much info LOL but I hope it was fun to read through nonetheless ^p^ Thanks for asking about the AU!! I’m always happy to share more.

[notallthosewho-wanderarelost]

Real quick scattering of thoughts on Loki 1x02 and x03 before I watch the newest episode. I watched them pretty much at the same time so it’s a two-for-one post. Here be spoilers for episode 3! On mobile so no cut again, sorry.

Spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned.

Okay. In no particular order but attempting to start with ep 2 first:

Loki trying to get info on the Timekeepers and the TVA in ep 2 and being blocked by the most bored archive librarian ever was hilarious. The whole sequence of him trying to get her attention only for her to completely ignore him until he rang the bell was creepy but so funny.

Loki’s reaction to getting the details on Ragnarok made me so sad. :( Same, Loki. SAME. I’m also still gutted Asgard was destroyed and I refuse to even watch the movie ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But him going to look at that in the first place made me wonder if maybe in the back of his mind Loki’s coming up with a plan to save Asgard? (Or at least, one version of Asgard in the multiverse.) I would love that. I want Asgard back in general and was hoping for Thor 4, but having Loki be the one to save Asgard would be SO fitting. He may be adopted but he’s still an Asgardian at heart, truly. Having Loki be the one to save Asgard would be a great way to show him finally acknowledging that and have all the Asgardians acknowledge it too.

We have an official population for MCU Asgard! 9719 people. That fits. It’s about twice the size of a pretty small suburban town. Asgard is SMALL. It just doesn’t have the space for a lot of people. It’s still a city, but Asgard the Realm has other things on it besides just the city, so it can’t have a huge population.

I wonder what the official population of New Asgard is when we see it in Endgame? And how many Asgardians come back post-Blip? This would really all depend on how many people made it through Hela’s rule and onto the ship during Ragnarok- and then half of them would’ve been killed by Thanos in the beginning of Infinity War. Would half of the remainder have been Snapped away at the end of IW, or would Thanos leave them out since he already halved their population? File under questions Marvel will probably never answer. Also file under “Thanos continues to be really bad at math.” (Should probably go look at the New Asgard sign again to check, but I don’t think it listed population.)

Loki annoying Mobius by messing with his salad was great. Loki annoying Mobius in general was great.

Loki letting the goats free in Pompeii made me think he might have a liking for goats, which means I now have a headcanon that Loki was friends with Thor’s goats as a kid and would sometimes let them loose to get their assistance with pranks. Thank you show, for cute kid Loki headcanons.

Tom Hiddleston probably had a BLAST yelling at people in Latin in character as Loki, and good for him!

Sylvie’s entrance sequence at the beginning of the episode with the fight scene vs the TVA set to “I Need a Hero” was amazing. I haven’t seen Shrek in a while but this might just reach the same levels of A+ “I Need A Hero” song usage as the Shrek sequence.

Speaking of the beginning of the episode, the Ren Faire setting was SO good. Great way to get laughs, and it made me want to go to a Ren Faire again.

The Roxxcart setting for the big encounter later in the episode made me flash back on all the times Roxxon’s appeared in the MCU. Two main thoughts: 1. I so want a Jane!Thor movie where the main villain is Dario Agger, evil Roxxon CEO and Minotaur. Preferably working with a better version of Malekith (from another universe probably) like in comics, because as much as I love Thor 2 my one complaint is that their version of Malekith was SO LAME. Especially compared to comics!Malekith. Plus an Agger + Malekith teamup would mean both the Nine Realms AND Earth are in danger, by definition. Thor 5 please, Marvel. 2. I really, really miss Cloak and Dagger and that show deserved so much better.

(Our) Loki’s perpetual insistence that he’s better and that the plot (pun intended) is about him is both funny and also a little sad- because he knows, or at least thinks, that if he stops insisting those things, everyone will stop paying any attention to him whatsoever. And he needs attention.

Poor Mobius probably felt so betrayed at the end of this episode. :(

Onward to episode 3!

This was by far my favorite episode so far. I LOVE Sylvie. I love her and Loki’s dynamic. I love that we get Loki talking to someone he considers an equal about some very personal things, and that Sylvie does the same thing with him. They understand each other in a way nobody else has. Because they’re the same person, sort of. I’ve taken to calling them “alternate reality twins” and that’s what I’ll keep calling them unless told otherwise.

They also annoy each other in a way nobody else can. And it’s hilarious. They look equally annoyed at the other not falling for their tricks and equally annoyed at needing the other’s help before they really start to bond and I LOVE ALL OF IT. I also feel like they adopt each other a lot quicker than either would be willing to admit, and then they’re annoyed at that! Loki yelling “you’re so weird!” at Sylvie made me go “OH they’re bickering like siblings!!!” and that was pretty early on! I’m an only child but that had peak sibling energy to me. Even them trying to trick and outdo each other had sibling energy most of the time.

Their earlier fight when they first get to Lamentis, before they realize where they are, had some VERY quality quips and also really had me wondering who would win in a fight between the two of them. Sylvie seems to have more physical strength, and she’s got a sword instead of daggers so longer reach, but Loki has skill and he has tricks. I think with his skill at magic (he can TELEPORT?! Probably only a few feet and probably limited by where he can see but that’s SO COOL!!! I don’t think we knew he could do that?!) Loki would likely run rings around Sylvie IF there were no people around for her to enchant. And assuming that she wasn’t able to set any traps beforehand, because Sylvie has proven well able to set traps to take down people who should be at a major advantage against her. Otherwise, I think Sylvie would win. She seems to have better physical training than our Loki, and if there were any people around for her to enchant he’d have to contend with them too. And if Sylvie could lay traps ahead of time, then it could go either way (you never can tell with a Loki, much less two) but I think Loki would probably lose. Loki is just as tricky as she is but that seems to be something she’s had a lot of practice in. Loki is more about confusing opponents with illusions and duplicates and talking his way around people. Sylvie sets traps instead, and is more comfortable/better at using brute physical force.

Speaking of enchanting, me while watching episode 2: “Hey, these mind controlling powers remind me of Enchantress’ powers!”

Sylvie in episode 3: calls her powers “enchanting”

Me: “OH.”

So Sylvie seems to be a composite of 3 characters. 1. Lady Loki, as in Loki when identifying as female. (There’s also that time from before they said Loki was genderfluid and a shapeshifter and back when Loki was still evil when he possessed Sif’s body and went by Lady Loki, but we don’t talk about that.) 2. Amora the Enchantress, a major Thor character/villain who uses magic to “enchant” people into doing what she wants-yes this is definitely a cringey “magically enchants people into loving her, consent-issues-out-the-wazoo” evil seductress stereotype in old comics, but it’s gotten better recently. And 3. Sylvie Lushton, the much lesser-known second Enchantress, who was a regular teenage human girl when after a Ragnarok (don’t remember which one, there have been multiple but this would’ve been early 2000s) Loki for shits and giggles decided to make her think she was Amora and give her the powers to match. She was on the Dark Reign-era (aka when Norman Osborn was in charge of SHIELD and the Avengers) version of the Young Avengers, the Young Masters of Evil, and that’s where I know her from. She’s a great character- she genuinely wants to do good and help people, but her brain is a bit messed up by the number Loki did on it, so she gets confused. I believe she’s currently in comic book limbo after Amora found out about her a while back, got pissed at her for stealing her name and her whole Thing, and tossed her somewhere dangerous on the World Tree while saying something about how if she can survive it then she’ll prove she deserves the name Enchantress. She sadly hasn’t been seen since as far as I know.

So each of those characters have similar characteristics with Loki’s Sylvie. Sylvie 1. Is a Loki who is female (Lady Loki), 2. Was presumably raised on Asgard and uses her magic to “enchant” people via a form of mind control into doing what she wants (Amora the Enchantress), 3. Is named Sylvie (Sylvie Lushton, Encanhtress II). Also worth noting that both Amora and Sylvie Lushton have blond hair, and so does the MCU’s Sylvie. All three characters also have green colored magic!

May turn the above bullets into their own post just for informational purposes. Also, when we said we wanted Enchantress in the MCU, this is not what we meant. Stop with the Monkey’s Paw-style wish granting, Marvel! (Looking at you, X-Men comics’ response to us wanting more Wanda.)

Anyway. Will round off with my favorite thing: everything on the train. Everything on the train was WONDERFUL.

Loki telling Sylvie about Frigga and how she taught him magic and then demonstrating the fireworks made me tear up. 🥺 Right in the feels. I miss Frigga a lot. I miss Asgard/the old Thor franchise in general a lot, but this is about Frigga. She was AMAZING and I miss her. Forever love the detail that Tom and Rene came up with the idea on the set of Thor 1 that Frigga is the one who taught Loki magic and fighting and how that informed their characters’ dynamic to the point of it being canonically discussed later. There’s a great Thor 2 deleted scene where Frigga talks to Thor about this exact thing. Frigga is such a fave of mine.

Sylvie telling Loki about her own past in turn made me very curious what her life was like and what the differences are. She seemed to have had a really hard time of it as a kid and I just want to hug her. (I also want to hug Loki, but that isn’t news.) Loki has had a very tough time, but really only after finding out he was adopted. He doesn’t appear to have had many friends on Asgard before (though I headcanon that he was friends with Lorelai before her exile, and since it’s my headcanon I imagine a similar situation with Amora, if not quite as close a friendship because comics Loki gets along better with Lorelai than her sister) but he at least had a family who loved him and who he loved, and a status as a prince that would’ve given him a good life and protection. Sylvie doesn’t seem to have had any of that as a kid. :(

“Surely there were some would-be princesses? Or perhaps a prince?” CANONICALLY BISEXUAL LOKI YES! YES.

Comics Loki is canonically both bisexual and genderfluid! Explicitly discussed on page, multiple times, and expounded on by writers too. (One of the most heartwarming Odin moments for me- yes, Odin does have heartwarming moments!- is when he’s telling his kids he loves them and he says something to the effect of “my son, my daughter, my child who is both.” The latter is Loki, the former are Thor and Angela. I might still be bitter over MCU Hela taking Angela’s place in the family sorry not sorry. This was in Original Sin: Thor and Loki, for anyone wondering.) I tend to default to he/him pronouns when talking about Loki because Loki tends to be male more in appearances, and also partly because it’s what I’m used to, but when Loki is clearly female I’ll of course switch to she/her. I have seen people use they/them pronouns for Loki too. I don’t think Marvel has ever said what pronouns Loki prefers though.

Speaking of which: I realize the “Sex: fluid” on Loki’s info card in episode 1 was probably foreshadowing Sylvie, but I kind of want to also read it as a nod to Loki being genderfluid. (Loki is also a shapeshifter, so gender would = sex in this case.) Whether it would be a nod to specifically comics Loki or also to MCU Loki is anyone’s guess as of now. We’ll find out I guess, or if it turns out to be strictly headcanon than it’s whatever floats your boat. :)

Back to the train scene!! Sylvie loudly protesting that she can’t sleep near people she doesn’t trust and then promptly falling asleep across from Loki a few minutes later made me emotional. ALTERNATE REALITY TWINS. Also VERY much a parallel to Loki falling asleep across from Mobius last episode.

Loki realizing that Asgard was really his home and his family really was his family only to also realize that he’ll never see either again and deciding to handle this by getting ABSOLUTELY DRUNK is SO ASGARDIAN OF HIM. I cannot. He even did the “Another!” *smashes glass* thing just to bring the point home.

Oh gosh, LOKI SINGING IN ASGARDIAN. FEEEEEEELS. I know, it’s actually Norwegian. I wonder a bit why they didn’t use Icelandic instead? Anyway, this was lovely and I love that going by the translation it’s a song of longing to go home, and it mentions Idunn’s apples of immortality. Apparently the full version of the song is going to be on the soundtrack and I’m so excited for that.

Loki’s metaphor of “love is a dagger” was actually quite good, he and Sylvie just lost the thread of it right at the end there. I wrote about this in tags somewhere, I’ll copy it in here later.

Edit: here’s an edited version of what I wrote on this post: This was a great metaphor until it got away from him. So close to the point (heh) and then they veered right away. Let me finish this for them: “Love is a dagger. It’s a weapon for far away and up close. You can see yourself in it. It’s beautiful. You have to give it to the right person.” So what this scene tells us about Loki is that he’s been hurt by love because it hasn’t been real. Or hasn’t felt real to him. Maybe he’s given it to the wrong people, or maybe he couldn’t tell who the right people were. (And if this is in reference to his family then I think he’s still too close to the revelation of his identity to be able to think clearly about the situation. Because his family DID love him! Even Odin. He just lost sight of that with everything happening.) Love is also about trust. And Loki doesn’t trust easily.

I really love this quote and this scene. Kinda want to do a “Love is a dagger” graphic of i ever have time.

I also wouldn’t be surprised if Loki and Sylvie come back to this conversation and come to a more satisfying conclusion. I hope that happens actually.

Sylvie using her headpiece against an opponent in the train fight instantly made me think of Wonder Woman. A+. Also, I haven’t mentioned yet but I love the fact that Sylvie’s headpiece looks exactly like God(dess) of Stories Loki’s from Agent of Asgard. Loki’s Ragnarok headpiece definitely had big AoA Loki vibes, but Sylvie’s headpiece is much closer- mostly it’s smaller, which is very Agent of Asgard Loki in general, but the one horn being cut off is specifically a God(dess) of Stories Loki thing and I love that they pulled from that.

Loki throwing the dagger and missing because he’s drunk was hilarious. Not good for Sylvie, but hilarious to watch. Don’t fight while drunk, Loki. Also, he threw “love” at Sylvie and I laughed when I realized that.

I didn’t realize until I saw a parallel gifset of it why Loki carefully going up to Sylvie after her scream felt so familiar- it’s just like how he went up to Thor after Thor overturned the table in Thor 1. The CONTINUINTY!! Absolutely amazing.

While trying to save the Ark Loki was probably thinking a lot about what he saw in the TVA clips of his own people trying to escape Asgard during Ragnarok and that hits kind of hard.

Loki apparently using telekinesis to stop the column from falling on him and Sylvie threw me off a lot until I saw another gifset that included the moment in Thor 2 (trailers only, I think) when he finds out Frigga is dead and all the furniture close to him breaks and flies away from him. The pose was even the same as when he stopped the column. I think he can sort of... push things away from him? (Almost like a Force Push 🤔) He seems to need to stop and tense up his arms while he does it though. And it doesn’t have the green effect the rest of his magic does, which is odd.

Speaking of Loki’s powers, I’ve said this in tags for sure but I’m so happy they’re FINALLY letting Loki hit people with green magic bolts. He does tend to prefer more subtle uses of magic, but I still can’t believe it took over 4 movies for that to happen. It’s kind of a no-brainer magic attack- probably exactly why Loki prefers other things- but you’d think he would’ve done it at least once after 4 movies.

I saw a post point out that by the end of the episode, Sylvie has lost both her headpiece and her cloak/robe thing, which makes me wonder if she’s going to get a new outfit by the end of the show. Or at least different accessories. I’m also curious if she’s going to take up the Enchantress moniker by the end of the show.

Finishing this with theme analysis and theory time:

The revelation that TVA agents used to be variants and were somehow reprogrammed makes so much sense. There’s something immediately shifty about the idea of 3 Time Keepers dictating the fate of everyone in infinite multiverses, and this just solidifies the hint that the Time Keepers are going to be the overall Big Bads. Which makes sense, narratively! But this shifts the TVA agents from villains to victims. Mobius gets to stay sympathetic and so does Sylvie, AND once the TVA agents find out about their origins it puts the same choice onto them that Loki has. They all have a choice now about who they’re going to be. They’re not who they thought they were, but are they going to let themselves be defined by what other people (here, the Time Keepers) think they should be, or are they going to be who they want to be.

This is exactly what Loki: Agent of Asgard is about, by the way. And I know I said in the last post that Loki’s greatest villain is himself, but I’m going to amend that because I didn’t say it quite right. Loki’s greatest villain is his evil self. Loki the god of evil, the Loki that is the villain. Loki (and all the other Asgardians) in Agent of Asgard is genuinely a god, and AoA tells us that gods are defined by belief- they are what people believe them to be. That’s how they exist. So because so many people believe Loki is an evil villain, the universe tries to twist him to fit that role. The plot of AoA is Loki trying to avoid that fate, to be better, be who he wants to be. It’s a meta story. It’s Loki trying to break free of the narrative he’s been part of up until that point. And eventually he manages to break the fourth wall itself and take control of his own narrative by becoming the god of stories. He controls his own story and it no longer matters what other people think he is, only what he thinks of himself. Nobody else gets to change or define him.

AoA’s villain is a future version of Loki that does go back to being evil. He’s basically the cosmic force- destiny, the narrative itself, etc- that’s trying to fit Loki into the “evil” box personified. Loki is seemingly taking that idea and subbing in a different personification for that same idea of lack of choice: the Time Keepers. We know from the Miss Minutes short in episode 1 that the Time Keepers want one timeline. We don’t know if that’s actually to prevent a multiversal war like the short suggests or if that’s just propaganda. When Loki tries to find out more about the war or about the beginning or end of time in episode 2, he can’t access those documents. Something doesn’t seem right there.

Edit: Also, in episode 2 Loki compares the TVA to Asgard by saying both the TVA agents and Asgardians are equally stupid. The reveal of who the TVA agents are adds a new dimension to that comparison. They both see themselves as guardians of the world around them, special, but really they’re no more special than the people they’re fighting to protect. Or in other words, they’re only as “special” (“heroic,” really) as they make themselves.

Also an edit: damn I just realized the continued stupidity of R*gnarok having Fenris and Odin in the same movie and Odin dies but get killed by Fenris. Asgardians have a saying about watching for wolves’ teeth.

I’ve seen the theory around that Sylvie might be a former TVA agent (which seems to be backed up by the midseason trailer I very belatedly saw, oh my GOD TINY SYLVIE!!!!! But also oh no tiny Sylvie at the TVA :() and I really like that. It makes sense. Maybe she went rogue because she realized the TVA is preventing people from choosing for themselves. Maybe she even knows what it is the Time Keepers actually want. Or maybe she’s doing this just for herself because she didn’t enjoy being brainwashed by the TVA and she doesn’t like being told who to be! That is after all part of “what makes a Loki a Loki,” even if she doesn’t use that name anymore.

I’m also wondering (hoping?) if maybe her being a former TVA agent could explain why she’s a mashup of different characters, instead of it just being Marvel mashing characters together because they can. This is mostly wild speculation, but could the TVA possibly have put multiple people’s timelines/memories inside her head? What if she’s in universe an amalgamation of a Loki, an Amora, and/or a Sylvie?

We’ve had some clips of what looks like a Thor 1 era Loki in front of the throne on Asgard- which looks different to me; maybe Loki redecorated? We’ve also gotten a shot of Loki in front of a ruined NYC skyline, including Avengers Tower. Maybe we’ll get an episode where Loki wins and we’ll see different timelines where he wins in different ways, until he realizes that this isn’t actually what he wants?

Whoops this got long??? Thanks for reading if you read this far!