#because holy fucking shit can you imagine how traumatizing that would be to see

[spacedace]

Alright so I know a lot of peeps aren't going to like my take here, but the thing to remember about Azula smiling at the Agni Kai between Zuko and Ozai is that we're shown Azula smiling only because that's how Iroh imagined her reacting.

Thr flashback we see is from Iroh's perspective, everything we see is what Iroh saw. Except that Iroh looked away when Ozai burned Zuko. He told us this and we say it in his flashback. Specifically he turned away from where Azula is standing next to him, so there's no way he could have seen her smile.

But we did see her smile in his flashback which, to me, means that her smiling while her brother got burned was just what Iroh imagined her to be doing at the time.

Now, I want it on record that I don't hate Iroh (I love him and his tea so much yall, i just think he's a lot more complex and interestingwhen you acknowledgehis character flaws) and I'm not saying that he purposefully lied to make Azula look bad either. I think it's simply a matter of how Iroh sees Azula, which pretty consistently has been shown he doesn't seem to like her very much. He favors Zuko, but I think Iroh - much like a lot of other people - see Ozai favoring Azula and think that his brother does so because Azula is like Ozai, and holds that belief against her. So much so that he can't see the child beneath the image projected on her (by herself and others) like he can with Zuko.

TL;DR: we have no idea what expression Azula really had during thr Agni Kai and are only seeing Iroh's skewed ideas of what she looked like in the scene.

[grozaperspektive]

Toji ramblings because I realized that I'm allowed to do other stuff besides drawing lmao

you know, I have this impression that Toji's trauma is slightly different from regular PTSD or being abused

because (at least, as far as I know) people who were abused, especially by their family members, usualy have self-esteem issues

Toji, though, does not have any... It seems, he's fully aware of his strengths and weaknesses. And, damn, he IS a professional (a gentle reminder that Toji does not see cursed spirits, and yet his fight with Geto in premature death arc?? omg)

so, Toji is a confident, self-aware man

however!!

he'd never known that he's worthy of love, just like any other human being (maybe even more so in some ways), until he met Mamaguro. So, he'd just accepted the fact that love and emotional bonds are not for him

I think that he doesn't feel any longing or craving for close relathionship with someone

he's a lone wolf lmao

maybe he's even cynical???? But, honestly, I believe that he just never cares to think about deep stuff like that

and dammit, I'm trying to put myself in his shoes rn, and the only thing I can think about is that he probably wanted to die, quickly and painlessly

preferablly, in a fight

he's just... too lazy to unalive himself

so, he just exists, waiting for it all to end

but then Mamaguro came into his life and showed him that he can live and love living

and then she died.............

and everything came back to how it had been

and yet!!!!! she changed him!!!

no, he's not the best person in the world, he's far from it, really

his morals are still ugh..... debatable...

but he started to??? be more sociable?? can I say that??

idk, to my mind, he just started to care more...

I think, he hadn't even been that close to Shiu before he met Mamaguro(((

and his meeting with Megumi in the recent episode??? I'm gonna explode

so, yeah, he's so precious((

actually, he's giving me the vibe of someone with a fucked up family who thinks, "holy shit, I'll never become a parent because I don't want to traumatize my child"

but his wife was amazing and everything COULD work out perfectly if only she hadn't died T-T

they would be so freaking happy, it's killing me((

and I really can't stop thinking about the fact that Toji is a person who is SO worthy of being loved, cherished and appreciated...

and he had a chance to receive all this support and care(( but life had to fuck it up by killing his wife, thank you very much

just fucking imagine, he was living in literal hell with the Zenins, then, he met the love of his life and finally became happy, and then)) he was robbed of his happiness and was sentenced to living in misery again

AND THEN THEY FUCKING KILLED HIM. TWICE!!!!!!! I fucking can't I caaaaan't

and he died just because he remembered to have an ego and some fucking ambitions. like a normal person, you know

I don't know, I just want to hug him??????? so bad??????????

he deserves the whole world and I stand by that even if he's rude and wrong, I really don't care

⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄☆

anyway, feel free to ignore, I have a fever, I'm sad and English is not my first language, so yeah.... have a nice day, everyone

[liichkiing]

Finally finished the Lockwood & Co. Netflix series and I am genuinely SO delighted by it. These books were so formative to my preteen self and this is the best thing I could've asked for. Holy shit everything was so close to how I imagined it, Jesus this might be one of the best book adaptations I've ever seen? If it doesn't get renewed I will cry because, again, damn was it a good adaptation. Not to mention just good in general. All of it was so exciting and also overwhelmingly nostalgic. Fuck dude. I've got some books to reread. Also I desperately need to see a screen adaptation of book three for the love of God I need them to do my girl Holly justice. I need more of these teenagers being stupid and reckless and jealous and deranged and FRIENDS. The FOUND FAMILY. GOD. Also I really really hope they can adapt all five books I want for once for a show to tell the whole story it's trying to tell. Please. Please. Please. Oh god I feel like I'm 13 again and I just devoured the first two books after getting them from my school book fair. Please Netflix don't cancel the show I will cry. Would you do that? Would you make a traumatized neurodivergent teenager cry? You fucking terrible corporation I mean uh wonderful caring people who are my friends and won't cancel a show I care about immensely? Please?

[edoro]

May I ask for your extremely normal thoughts on this episode?

takes a deep breath

dissolves into a screaming puddle of goo

things i am Extremely Normal About:

-Philip's continuing obsession with Luz

-the way her insulting his fashion sense clearly GENUINELY HURT HIS FEELINGS? oh my godddd bro she is not your friend she doesn't LIKE you but that's not gonna stop him

-the way he irritatedly corrects her from 'emperor of the witch hunters' to 'witch-hunter general' this man is such a bitch and also just SO deep in his own twisted little game of make-believe like. just really zero concept of what's going on here for real.

-he is so obsessed with her it's so fucking creepy. the way that it was her crying and begging while saying his Real Name that got him to agree with her? oh my god, Philip, dude.

-the way he just unleashed 300 years of barely restrained Bitch Energy on Kiki in one moment of nuclear weapons-grade cruelty because he's tired of being nice and he DOES want to go apeshit and it like visibly immediately improved his entire demeanor, there's not even anything physically wrong with him actually he is literally just such a bitch that the sheer effort of holding it back for that long caused him to experience the symptoms of every disease ever

-GRANDPA BODY HORROR GRANDPA BODY HORROR

-"Hunter why are you hurting me :(" shut the entire fuck up oh my god i'm going to put this old man in tupperware and leave him in the back of the fridge for a year

-Caleb name reveal + ABSOLUTE BATSHIT FREAKOUT GRANDPA BODY HORROR

-the Collector is genuinely fucking terrifying. immortal godchild kidthing with unspeakable cosmic powers and 0 concept of morality or that other people are real or can be hurt or that his actions have consequences. i love him so much. genuinely so much more frightening than Philip's banal malice tbh.

-the Collector is So Fucking Traumatized this kid is so fucked up holy shit they are NOT okay. cannot imagine what the last 300+ years of having no one but Philip "molestation Georg*" Wittebane for company has done to them

(*lives in a cave and has groomed or attempted to groom every child he's ever met jesus FUCKING christ someone put this man in a jar and put the jar in a lead-lined box at the bottom of the sea)

-The Collector Is My Sonthing Now. yes he has done everything wrong ever no i don't care.

-EVIL BODY HORROR GRANDPA GETTING TWIRLED UP LIKE A FORKFUL OF SPAGHETTI AND THEN SPLORCHED. "i'm not even mad tho" man he knew he had fucked up, i love how we finally got to see Philip Experiencing A Consequence

-obsessed with how brutal and unceremonious that was tbh. like. i was just sitting there like Is He Actually Fucking Dead. Is That How They Disposed Of Philip. Oh My God. everyone else watching in utter horror because that was incredibly fucked up. the way Hunter was crying about it because That Was His (evil and unspeakably abusive sure but still) Uncle and that's so fucked up for him to have to see. his hesitance in stepping in the goop puddle. the malicious goo dribble ugh ugh ugh Leave Him Alone Philip Please.

-GOO GRANDPA IN THE HUMAN REALM WHAT CRIMES WILL HE COMMIT

-i love Raine ripping off Eda's arm. i feel like, you know the bit where Darius stopped fighting bc Healing Coven Head was about to kill Eberwolf? i think Raine would have done the math on how quick they could get the replacement Beastkeeping Coven Head up there now that it was all underway and Belos was gone vs how much longer til the eclipse was over and decided they could bear that moral weight on their conscience forever if it meant they and everyone else lived to see the end of this

-GUS? CRYING?? THE WAY HUNTER WAS PROTECTIVELY HOLDING HIM? THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AUUUUGH

-SNEAKY KIKI SNEAKY KIKI god i love her she's so horrible and so good and i simply adore her

-the pit of like DOZENS OF MURDERED GOLDEN GUARDS okay. what is WRONG with Philip like what happened to his brain to make him this way.

-the way they left Alador behind like he was going to Divert The Horde in a zombie movie LMAO it's okay Amity. it's better this way. now you can pretend he would have been a good dad instead of having to live with the ongoing realization that even his best would be crushingly mediocre.

-Alador trying to hit Hunter with the "loyal soldier of the Emperor" accusation and then trying to dad voice him immediately afterwards when that doesn't work. sir. pick one. also lmao love the Shit Dad Driving Experience. terrible driver gets mad when you point it out and actively endangers all of you because now he's distracted yelling at you. his Shit Dad Energies are just so huge, i love it.

-i'm just obsessed with Philip and the Collector oh my god. horror horror horror. there is so much wrong with both of them and they're so fucked up together jfc. never going to get over it.

-it took me literally four hours to watch the episode.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

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Mis publicaciones más populares este 2022:

5

“black jilbabs and niqabs are boring and unstylish” to YOU. I get it though.

5151 notas. Fecha de publicación: 17 de enero de 2022

4

I think if I put aside like, the poltical and hateful aspect of it, part of the reason people react so strongly and are so frightened of me when I’m in public is because of horror. Like. Their immediete association with a faceless human shaped figure draped in all black is more like

like straight up im pretty sure if you asked people on campus they would have a “ghost story” of their experience seeing a terrifying ghost but in reality it was just me like, getting some mail or working at night. its interesting how peoples brains in my experience jump to “holy fuck a ghost” and start screaming as being the most logical interpretation of seeing me instead of “hey maybe its a muslim woman”.

Anyways this is all to say if I saw a shadow demon or grim reaper i would probably be psyched and say “Assalam alaikum” and then go about my day.

8244 notas. Fecha de publicación: 14 de febrero de 2022

3

ik “blorbo from my shows” is a meme, but the heart of it (tagging a post with a character/fandom thing) has been an issue since for so long. I remember seeing people tag shit about religious discrimination with like voltron characters, seeing people use real life tragedies as prompts for fandom things, tagging posts about activism or struggles as a minority by bringing up your favourite fandom character. in that same wheelhouse there’s been people who write OTP prompts who come up with shit like “imagine character A sees someones hijab ripped off and--” or “imagine character A (a PoC) is pulled over by police and character B--”. like. can we just acknowledge how massively fucked up it all is? how someone’s post about activism or their experience with racism will get tagged with “omg this is JUST like [fictional character]”? how people will see someone’s traumatic experience being assulted because of their religion and turn it into some fun fandom thing? can we step back and realize this is fucked up and not normal behavior?

12.132 notas. Fecha de publicación: 20 de enero de 2022

2

why do i end up sitting straight up in my sleep. ignore how many blankets I use.

31.684 notas. Fecha de publicación: 14 de agosto de 2022

Mi publicación más popular de 2022

“but shrouded black figures are scary!” not when ur muslim. its the funniest fucking thing. this is labeled on pinterest under shit like “classic horror” “scary phone wallpaper”

but that LITERALLY just looks like a niqabi or someone in a jilbab. Like Look at this pic of me (from a self photoshoot, now w/o the dramatic lighting and dark background)

or this pic of me

Descúbrela

41.118 notas. Fecha de publicación: 2 de marzo de 2022

Descubre tu resumen del 2022 en Tumblr →

[batmanrogues-scenarios]

Thoughts on Batman Arkham Origins

Main Story

Opening is nice

Black Mask before Jason? That's interesting

Killer Croc helping Black Mask was a surprise

I don't think Roman threatening Waylon is good idea

It feels like Roman's normal voice is higher and he tries to make it deeper when intimidating people

Well at least Batman didn't let Croc die

I'm going to add some new characters

Also Bane wasn't originally in Gotham?

Of course, it was Nigma behind the towers, it's funny that Batman guessed his name

Can Batman stop choking people?

Gotta admit Electrocutioner has a style.

Aight nevermind that was hilariously lame lmao

Tracey is kinda cute

Yo Candy 👀

Falcone wanting his son back is somehow heartwarming

Hi Slade, didn't see you since Teen Titans

His fight actually looks interesting, the wacking is kinda funny

Love how confused he is by Batman

Penguin is a sleaz in this version

Anarky is like "We live in society"; nice voice though

No one's believes Roman is dead but its a nice mystery;

Ooh, first time he heard of the Joker

I find it cool that Anarky was impressed Batman saved those places; didn't expect him to be called a kid, how old is he?

The thing is, he is right in what he is saying, but it's the way he wants to solve these problems it the issue

Him wanting Batman to mentor him my heart! Baby, no, please just learn from your mistakes

Batman was right to beat these cops

Hey Barbara! Interestingly, Jim didn't like Batman at the beginning

When it was said there was piece of white clothing I knew it was Roman

Ok didn't expect the guy to force a Roman hand in killing his girlfriend, that was evil

The way that Joker is once again the main villain should be annoying, especially with the premise they set up, but I think they did it in a good way; it's honesty cool since it's the first time Batman had heard of him

The Mad Hatters bunnies 💀

The fucking sir bit lol, I would love to annoy him; his reason for controlling people is very interesting

Of course he fucking choked him

Wonderland looks cool

"Drained a bit of that willpower of yours" He just went through a fucking door, calm down

He really traumatized her huh?

The girl is laughing, definitely Joker gas

Wait, that's Joker in costume?! Holy shit he is amazing voice acting

And he just beat the shit out of the Roman!

(Since it was Joker from the beginning I can't use it for characterization? )

Is Shiva with Al Ghoul?

Of course Roman has heart problems because of his anger lol

He looks kinda nice tied up

FOR FUCK SAKE BRUCE STOP BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF LYING MAN

Copperhead scared the shit out of me

Ok that was torture, Batman wanted to torture a guy. BTAS would be so angry at his other self

Wait, is her venom is like a fear toxin?

Alfred's speech was sad.

The guilt goes hard in this

The problem with Deadshot is apparently dude is an imposter? I don't know how to characterize him.

Never mind, he wasn't in the game long enough.

Joker still doing BM impression is hot

Electrocutioner just playing a video game, dude really is asking to die

The guy who voices Joker does an excellent job, why were people complaining about him?

Yep expected it

Firefly looks cool

Bane is badass

Batman was allowed to beat Jokers ass

The Bane pose is seriously iconic

Of course Joker laughs when falling to death

Joker not understanding why Batman saved is very nice

Joker to Blackgate? That's gonna be interesting

Wait it's Harley?! But they meet in Arkham

The imagination is seriously weird but fits

Joker saying Batman changed his life is… interesting

Oh, his Red Hood backstory

Oh it's pretty gay not gonna lie

Wait, she thought he was talking about her while he was talking about Batman lmao

Alfred is trying to be a good father, fuck off Bruce

The Nigmas passwords are amazing

The cop just going 'Yup' kills me

Bane knowing who Batman is a nice twist

I get why Gordon doesn't trust Batman but he is helping with bombs, come on man

Aww they started to like each other

Alfred use the shotgun

I know he won't die because he is in other games but it's sad seeing Bruce actually be desperate

Looks like gloves were a good idea

"Don't drink and drive, you'll kill someone " "Yeah yeah what are you in for?" "Manslaughter " that got a chuckle out of me

He already has Harley around his finger, don't like how they changed how they met but at least her voice isn't so annoying

Why the fuck does Joker wants to die so badly?

"Maybe you shouldn't move?" Shoots them; Good job Jim!

Gordon is a good man

And that's how he earned respect from Jim, good job Bat; also it's nice for him to ask for help where the fuck did go in the future?

I love how Gordon just fucking hits sniper with a bat

It's fun; although Barbara should have looked up to her dad and just have Bat as inspiration for her suit but eh

Are they teasing Suicide Squad?

Initiation DLC

It's nice seeing what League was like and what they teached but it just fighting, boring.

Cold, Cold Heart

Now THIS, this is what I'm talking about

Love the opening, the speech was so fake

Didn't expected Penguin to mix

The fact that Bruce actually has respect for Ferris will make learning the truth pretty fun

The new suit looks goofy

Lmao the callback to future roof dropping with the Diller

The realization in Bat voice when he finds out what happened, perfect

Why did Freeze freeze Nora in her dress? She looks beautiful but it doesn't seem practical

She looks beautiful

Overall

Enjoyed it, might actually be my favorite game (and since I know few plot points from Knight it might stay that way).

[lunarifie]

Rewatching Ninjago

(With no context other than the episode)

Hands of Time episode 9-10

This is actually so traumatizing. Can you imagine being Kai and Nya. Wus life on the line as well as the entire world

Kai has such a strong sense of justice

omfg i cant imagine how pained Kai and Nyas parents must feel. Seeing their kids being forced to retrieve a time blade and their old dear friend Wu aging to death

And they cant do anything about it

Ray: We hid the timeblade in a place that fire and water coexist. The boiling sea.

Holy shit thats cool

Jay: Its just a strategic retreat!

Cole: ‘Strategic retreat’ is just a fancy way of saying giving up 🙄

HFNSJNFND i love Coles sass

Zane: Wait! I cant retreat, im getting a signal.

Jay: Oh yeah? Does it sound anything like this?! ‘MOVE YOUR ASS ZANE!!!!’

Awwww Zane wants to save Cyrus borg

No but fr theyre right, theres too many vermillion warriors for Zane to handle

id like to take this moment in time to remind everyone that when Zane tried to sacrifice himself, Jay tried to run in and stop him while everyone watched in horror. Now at this exact moment, Jay is the first to volunteer in joining Zane to saving Cyrus borg

Technoshipping has been looking especially likable lately 👀

Kai: Gotta give credit to whoever named it the ‘Boiling Sea’ for accuracy…

BFJDNGJFN

The time brothers can be so stupid sometimes

FUSION DRAGON FUSION DRAGON

Can we talk about how Nya was the first ninja to make a fusion dragon TWICE

Shes the fucking best

Their fusion dragons so cool

Ray: Now listen, this is VERY important. The first obstacle—

Kai: THERES NO TIME! Wus wasting away!

just wait a goddamn second 😭

I love their sibling relationship sm

Kai, who almost fell in a crater: haha… who knew you could be so high up, under water…

Nya: 😐😑😐

Kai: uhhh any idea on how to get down there without breaking our necks.

Nya: well, we could ask our dad… Oh no wait! You were too impatient for that.

Their relationship is everything to me

Cyrus borg after attacking the ninja in vermillion suits: You came, to rescue me?

Jay: Yeah… a decision im coming to regret…

Love how Jay was a huge cyrus borg fanatic and now is just tired of the guy 💀

Cole: Duh, they kidnapped all the builders in ninjago. Pay attention Jay!

5 minutes later

Jay: Duh, its a temporal voyage, temporal meaning ‘time’. PAY ATTENTION COLE.

Love how at the beginning of this season Jay didn’t even know what Temporal meant.

I feel like thats happened before, with Jay not knowing the meaning of a word and then constantly using it when he does.

Kai: You know how moms can get, haha!

Nya: No… because, i never had one.”

Kai: ah.

Kai: Right.

Kai: Because ours got kidnapped when you were only 3.

Kai: Sorry.

HFJDJFNDJJT

what a blunt way to just drop that 😭

Awwww now hes trying to cheer her up 🥹

Hes such a good older brother

Cyrus borg is actually so smart implementing a self destruct code even when the time brothers were watching him like a hawk

HE FORGOT THE CODE 💀💀💀

(All the ninja secretly taking borg away in their disguises with their faces covered)

Jay: (Showing his whole face) Aye aye captain!

Vermillion general: DID YOU JUST TALK!?!?

JAY.

Cole: seriously Jay??? We’re NINJA we’re supposed to be stealthy

EXACTLY.

SAMURAI X!!!!!!!1!1!1!1!

knowing Samurai X is Pixal makes this whole exchange between the two of them adorable

Pixals so badass

Ok but why would their parents create geometric monsters that water and fire cant defeat.

OHHHH BC THEY GOTTA WORK TOGETHER

Awwwww the little geometric screams

Kai after they try to use water and fire on the door: Working together, hehe 😎(Breaks his hands and feet fighting it)

Nya: Its the dragon blade! For ONCE take TWO seconds to think a problem through!

Shes not wrong💀

Kai: (picks up the time blade and everything starts crumbling)

Nya: YOU DIDNT THINK THAT MAYBE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT TOGETHER LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE?!??!?????

Kai: We gotta bolt! Or do you wanna stay and think a problem through?

HFNDJGNNDF

i love them sm

I keep forgetting they can do airjitzu

Cyrus borg: Uhhh i remember the destruction code was a 13 hundred sequence…

OMFG

Yeah. I mean, it was pretty obvious the time brother werent gonna let Kai reverse Wu.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

they lost :(

THEYRE GONNA THROW THEM ALL IN THE BOILING SEA?!!?!?

okay but why do Kai and Nya need the dragon sword to make a fusion dragon. Jay and Nya didnt need one in skybound???

Zane: 13 hundred? Thats the first line of code-

Pixal as Samurai X: -in Programming a nindroid!

From Jay being the person who uses his element the most, im assuming its the easiest to animate 😭

Lloyd: SPEED UP ZANE.

Zane (literally shaking from how fast he’s typing): JUST A COUPLE MORE HUNDRED DIGITS

Jay: This could not get any worse.

Cole: did you really just say that? You totally jinxed us!

Jay: pft- Thats not how real life work 🙄

Yeah but thats how cartoons work

(Giants flying shop descends)

Jay:…

Cole:…

Jay: Not saying another word.

NOOO ZANE WAS SO CLOSE

Pls pls plsssss Nya and Kai come swoop in and save the day

FUCK YEAH THEYRE SWOOPING IN

Kai: the dragons not gonna make it in time, we dont have enough speed!

Their mother: good luck kids.

Nya: What are you doing?!?

Mom: Giving you the speed you need! (Fucking jumps off the dragon with her unconscious husband)

Oh ok she landed safely 💀

Kai: Our mom is totally awesome!

Hell yeah she is

WAIT WAIT DID THEY JUST FOLLOW THE TIME BROTHER BACK IN TIME?!?!?!!?

Nya and Kais mom: Children…

Jay: Nya!

Cole: Kai!

Just wanted to point that out. Thats for the lavashippers out there

Jay calling out to Kai and Nya 🥹

NOOO THEIR PARENTTTSSSS

Jay: Why did they risk their lives to go after Krux and Acronix 😢

Ray (their father): It was the only way to save Wu….

Jay: Oh, Okay. Im good with that!

HFDJNFNEJR

Cole: We need to go after them! Cant you build another time machine Cyrus????

Cyrus: I cant :(

Jay: Ohhhhh I get it. ‘I cant’ is business speak means itll cost ya big. Okay business man, i hear you. Uhhhhhh I have a tenner?

JAY.

Jay: Okaaaay, well samurai 2.0, since we’re waiting why dont you tell us whats really under that mask???

Samurai 2.0:

Samurai 2.0: No.

Jay: …

Jay: Would a tenner change your mind?…

HFJDJNTNF

i love Jay sm

Can Ray and Wu just NOT die from aging??? It isnt that hard. Just stop.

Love that Nya and Kai are just hiding right under the time brothers noses

See this is what I meant when i said time travel shit fucks me up.

If Krux and Acronix went back in time shouldnt Wu REMEMBER them coming back????

Jays bio mom: Am I dreaming or are those the guys we just fought?

Time brothers: You stopped us once today, but we now have a legion with us.

Jays bio mom: Awwwwww! And here I thought I was finally gonna go on my honeymoon! Really cute guy too, Cliff is an actor and when I look into his eyes-

STOP JAYS MOM IS SO CUTE AND ACTS JUST LIKE HIM

i love her sm

AND HER ACCENT.

Wish we learned more about her

NYA, KAI GO HELP THEM FIGHT WHAT ARE YOU DOING STANDING THERE

“Change anything, change everything”

God this is giving me so much season 1 time traveling deja vu

Love how the ninja contradict Wus own wisdom with his other same wisdom hfjsbfjsjr

OHHHH THEYRE PRETENDING TO BE THEIR PARENTS.

i laughed a little when Kai exaggeratingly deepened his voice terribly like his fathers and then Nya proceeded to give the best impression of her mother ive ever seen 😭

Cant believe the time brothers just killed their snake commanders

Hate that their time machine is called the ‘iron doom’

Jays bio mom: Ughhhh SERIOUSLY!?!? normal snake samurai are hard enough. How do we stop THAT?

Noooo time has been altered :(

wait, no technology?

WAIT WAIT WAIT

NO ZANE?!?!?!?!?

BUT DIDNT DR JULIEN MAKE HIM FROM SCRATCH?!?!?!?

HE HAS HIS SEASON 1 VACANT STARE 😭😭😭😭

I miss Garmadon….

Seeing him and Wu young and somewhat happy makes me wanna cry

Krux: You know what they say, fight fire with time!

Acronix:…

Acronix: I hate when you make up sayings.

Wait what is Nya doing

Ik shes doing smth super smart but WHAT

Nya istg u better have a plan bc Krux and Acronix just traveled to the future and are probably gonna destroy the world so you better have SOMETHING

also your brothers absolutely dejected and feels like a failure so maybe talk with him

THE REVERSAL TIME BLADE!!!!1!1!1!1

WUS BACK!!!!

wait what are they doing with it

WAIT ARE THEY GOING BACK IN TIME?!?!?

i cant do time travel shit i dont understand a thing

Ok ok, so they fixed everything.

That was anti-climatic.

ZANES BACK!!!!!

Jay: Kai and Nya did it! (Hugs samurai x) wanna celebrate by telling me who you are?

Samurai 2.0: No.

Oh wait Rays dying.

Krux and Acronix: if we go far enough in time, there will be no one who knows us! Aaaand no Kai and Nya!!!

Kai: Wow! You just keep getting it wrong dont you?

Nya: That must be really, really frustrating.

I absolutely love them

Wu cares for Ray sm 🥺

Wu: (destroys the fucking time machine)

FUCK YEAH WU BE A BADASS

Kai: Why did you do that?????

Wu: Putting off until tomorrow what cannot be done today.

Damn. Twisting around his own analogies now.

They made Rays old death so much more violent and sad then Wus

Cole: Wait, wheres master Wu?????

Kai: Hes gone…

Cole: So, we dont have a master anymore..?

Everyone:…

Jay: Yes we do, you Lloyd. It has to be you.

Im so glad im rewatching this show, I legitimately forgot all about this.

Lloyd: We will not rest, until we figure out. where is Wu.

AAAAAA OMFG IM SO HYPED NEXT IS SONS OF GARMADONS AND THEIR NEW DESIGNS AND WUS SADLY GONE AND LLOYDS A MASTER NOW THIS IS SO GOOD

[fuckingfinwions]

In magic rape slavery AU if Fëanor wanted to hurt Fingolfin by fucking Fingon in front if him, how would Maedhros react? Would he be annoyed but still order Fingon to obey? Fingon's reaction to Maedhros doing it would probs me 'my expectations for you were low but holy shit'. I imagine Fëanor ordering Nolo to fuck Fingon after he does and Maedhros is like 'daaaad, you promised it would be just you'. Do you think he would try to make it up to Fingon in some twisted way?

Maedhros would be annoyed. Feanor kind of loses the argument that that he only enslaved Nolo because it was "necessary" to prevent a civil war, if he then is making this gratuitously bad for Nolo afterwards. Especially if Maedhros hasn't seen Nolo do anything obviously antagonistic in public to be punished for. (He hasn't. This is just another way for Feanor to demonstrate his total control of Nolo.)

But Maedhros would still order Fingon to go along with it. The Feanorians are not good at setting reasonable boundaries with their dad, and after killing people for him and raping someone for him, it doesn't really seem worth keeping anything back.

So Maedhros orders Fingon to obey Feanor's orders for the night, and to come back to Maedhros's bedroom when Feanor's done.

I do think Maedhros would try to give aftercare/make it up to Fingon, but kind of like that Punisher gif where he takes the gun and says "you only shot him, see? *bang* I killed him."

When Fingon comes back, he's incredibly shaken and upset. And sure, Maedhros had expected Fingon to dislike it, but he was angry when he left, not horrified. (I think righteous anger is kind of Fingon's default coping mechanism with trauma, as long as there's someone he can justify blaming.)

Maedhros: "What's wrong?"

Fingon: "He raped me."

Maedhros: "Yes. I didn't expect my father to be much more traumatizing than me though, given how often you tell me we can't go back to what we had."

Fingon: "Not just him."

Maedhros: "Who then? Did my father let his guards fuck you too? I would have argued about that, you're too special to share with just anyone."

Maedhros is in the habit of asking questions when Fingon is upset, rather than saying "tell me what happened", at least as a first resort. They both know that Maedhros could order Fingon to speak every secret he knows, but they get along better when he doesn’t.

Fingon: "No. No one else was there."

Maedhros: "What happened then?"

Fingon: “Feanor raped me while my father watched. Then he offered my father-  he agreed.”

Maedhros pausesd a moment to work out the pronouns there. “Ah. I had expected this to be reminding Nolo he can’t stop my father, but it sounds like it went a bit past that.”

Fingon: “That’s all you have to say?”

Maedhros: “I’ll ask my father to not do it again, there’s no point in making you terrified of your father.”

Fingon: “I’m not terrified! It’s just - how could my own father do that to me?”

Maedhros hummed in thought for a moment. “Come over to the bed.”

Fingon said, “Please, not now, I don’t want this,” even as his legs moved.

“I know, it will be alright soon. Take off your robe and tunic.”

“Maedhros, please. I can't-”

“Stop talking for a bit. Take your dagger out - not your cock, your actual dagger.”

Fingon did, on the third try with his unsteady hands.

“Good. Now, cut a shallow line on the outside of your right arm.”

Fingon was forced to obey.

“Point it at your heart, and keep it there.”

Maedhros looked Fingon over to be sure it was a position he could hold for a few minutes. Satisfied, he continued. “Your would drive that knife into your own chest if I ordered you to. If I brought your sister in here and told you to stab her, you’d do so as well. You’d hate me for it, but you wouldn’t be able to stop it. It wouldn’t be your fault; you’d just be the weapon I chose. I’m not going to order you against your family, but if I did, it would be my decision, not yours at all. Do you understand?”

Fingon nodded, careful not to let the knife slip. “My father doubtless ordered yours to rape you. It happened because my father wanted you to be raped, and likely wanted to watch Nolofinwe’s body fuck someone. It has nothing to do with any desire on Nolofinwe’s part, any more than you wanted to cut yourself, or to strip. You may speak now, but don’t move yet.”

“I didn’t hear any orders,” Fingon said.

“And no one hears me order you to ride out beside me in battle. I give them all in advance, but you still do exactly as I ask.”

“So it could be that Feanor ordered my father to rape me every time he sees me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, no one wants you ravaged in the middle of a council meeting.”

“But maybe every time in private, or the tenth time he sees me.”

“I doubt my father is interested in Nolofinwe’s obedience where he can’t witness it. You could just avoid being alone with your father though.”

“For how long, the rest of time? He’s the only one I can talk to about what’s really going on.”

“You can still talk to me, you know. But anyway, it would just be a day or two, until I have time to check with my father that he didn’t order Nolofinwe to do anything to you.”

“Fine, you’ve made your point,” Fingon said. “Can I put the dagger away?”

“Sure, neither of us wants an accident.”

[dephirium]

So. I am leaving my fic's big ass infodump here because A) having it in the comments is ugly and B) I am too busy and tired to try to make it hmtl pretty on the author notes or whatever. Plus, AO3’s character limit is ass.

Here's the fic: Tha koimithó ótan petháno.

Funnies

Akire: I trust that mister Delamer and mister Maitsu are doing well together :)

Damon: *screaming, traumatized*

Jean: *screaming, also traumatized*

Damon: Why tf are you calling me a kid I am 18

Jean:

Jean: I thought you were like 16

Jean: I am worried about you.

Damon: Hahaha.

Damon: Oh you're not joking?

Damon: HAHAHahaHAhA—

Scrapped content

In chapter 2 I forgot to add that Jean notices signs of Petechiae (Red dots on the skin/cheeks, usually present after crying) on Damon's face, which he points out in the narration and mentally ponders "maybe he is not holding on as well as we thought." I don't fucking KNOW how I did not add it because I remember writing it into the doc but I guess I accidentally deleted it???? What-fucking-ever man I am too tired to rewrite that scene. Also, this chapter would not work as well if Jean was a lot more aware about how badly Damon was holding on. Sooo, yeah. Good forethought past me question mark.

(Jean knows general medical stuff because of his job / he binge read about it after the Edward thing to avoid any other crewmates being ill / hurt. Kind of comes out of left field in this chapter sorry lol I kind of gave up mid-fic so the quality is kind of bad)

In the titanic argument I was planning for Damon to respond “The debate was so bad I regret doing it sober,” or something of the sort. To which Jean asks Holy Shit You Drink ? Ended up scrapped because Damon, even while sleep deprived, is way too secretive about his abuse personal life for his own good. Besides, the scene was getting too long.

Also, yes, he does drink (/hc). Not by own volition most of the time, but he does. Legal drinking age? What is that? The Maitsu family never heard of it. (Wolfgang would have a stroke if he knew nobody tell him)

I actually planned a bit where, when Damon bandages Jean's wound (it was planned to happen on the bed and not the floor btw), Jean explains the items™ to Damon after he points out the first aid kit being the debater's and Damon looks at the ship captain like he grew a third head. Hence, explanation.

It felt too forced and I ended up removing it. You probably can figure it out with the context I left (I HOPE), but here is the explanation just in case:

(This idea was based on a fic by the lovely Insqmniac. I don't remember the name rn, sorry ;; EDIT: Acting and Pretending!!! They deleted the work but it was very good!) Tozu left an item for all the killing game participants with deep emotional and / or medical significance in their room’s nightstands. Be it a family memento, a candy brand you liked as a kid, a perfume that isn't sold anymore, prescription pills or eye contacts: That kind of stuff. It is like an intimidation tactic or something??? Something to scare the participants with bcs of the amount of information they have about their personal lives. Or something. I don't know man, it is 4 pm I have not slept in like 30 hours I have reached a new plane of existence. It just sounds so creepy and it is definitely something Tozu would do. Maybe. I already had the canon divergence tag so might as well utilize it in a angst way while at it /shrug

Jean received Edward’s marine dog tag, Damon received a first aid kit (and he's the only person in the killing game that has first aid equipment, fun). You can probably imagine why Jean reacted like that to seeing Damon’s item and his subsequent realization. Let's just say that Maitsudad was not kind.

I had a very lovely idea very late into this fic of playing on the concept of Dragons and snakes being very similar (in mythology/religion, anyways) but I couldn't figure out a way to include it organically in this fic (considering that the themes/metaphors of the fic were already too wonk as is) so I MIGHT get another Jean & Damon fic just to get that symbolism out of my head???

Not likely. I feel horrible about my poor characterization of the dude in this fic already.

I butchered Jean's characterization so bad I made salami with it,,,

In the Damon panic attack from Jean’s POV, I had to scrap a small line where Jean notes that some of the nonsense Damon is spewing in his panic is actually Spanish. Another hc of mine, personally Damon looks like the kind of guy to throw Hispanic slang and insult all your family lineage in one breath (and yes I am biased because I am Hispanic how could you tell. But no, he is not Hispanic, it is actually kind of complicated to explain). I will probably delve into that hc and my general mental illness about the backstory I made up for the guy (yes I am very normal about Damon shut up) in another fic I have planned.

I had to scrap so many Damon lines y'all. He is just. So easy to write. This dude is like depressed 14 year old me trying to seem edgy and pretentious istg.

Info dumping

I don't think I am doing a fic of Jean alone to actually write this down so, here, have the whole Edward situation and my delusions about it: basically, back when Jean was just becoming a ship captain by himself (he probably started as a cadet/assistant of one of his relatives, who was the ship captain themselves. Jean then took the job from them later down the line, idk) at age 18ish, there was this regular crew he had. One of the people in said crew was Edward, an asshole with self-worth issues who made it everyone else's problem.

On one departure, they get news of a big-ass storm happening, and they are very much stuck in the middle of the sea trying to just survive it(tm). Luckily it was a cargo ship so the only people they had to look for were themselves, but still.

Edward decides to be the main man on everything to prove his worth, that he means something to the crew, that his life has meaning. Everyone was kind of ignoring Edward's self destructive behavior (not their issue, they said). Jean in turn decided to try to do something about it, so new into the position and wanting the best for his crew, so he went to talk to Edward so he hopefully realizes he is being a moron and stops playing the martyr.

Edward, as you can tell by this fic, does not heed Jean’s pleas to take care of himself and decides to spitefully double down on his self-destructiveness so hard he fell ass backwards and killed himself due to sleep deprivation and starvation the fucking idiot.

(His crew, who were in their late 20s to mid 50s and had already seen some shit™, took care of the corpse themselves. They didn't want Jean, as young as he was, to see the body. He saw it anyways, if only on passing. Which is also the reason why he was more inclined to believe Eva when seeing the dummy, but details)

Jean blames himself over pushing Edward “too hard” and causing his death. (While at the same time he feels like he could have done MORE to avoid his death back then, ain't guilt fun?) That's why he fears pushing Damon too much until there's nothing he can do but twist the debater's arm into actually resting after days of watching the younger consistently get worse. And, welp, we know how that ends.

At least he tried tho. 乁( •_• )ㄏ

Another thing. Was the buddy system actually chosen at random or was Damon right about it being rigged?

... Who knows! Lol

Logically speaking I think it would make more sense for it to either be rigged in the random pairings to get the most optimal-ish outcome (List of pairings in chapter 1 AAA), or like Akire actually bullshitted the random bit to try to get Damon to cooperate. But in the other hand it would be too fucking funny if it was actually made at random and Damon is just being unnecessarily hostile and antagonizing for no reason. So, I wrote it to be ambiguous! probably!! Go have your own interpretation idk!!

Other miscellaneous notes

Eva had the exact same "You are doing this to keep tabs on us" train of thought as Damon, but unlike the debater she decided to cooperate on the plan without whining about it. She and Ingrid have an amazing time playing Dos in their dorm.

Desmond is having a shit time because he wants to help Ulysses have a, at least, decent sleep schedule since they are partners. They have a similar ish arc to Damon and Jean funnily enough, except all the trauma and accidental PTSD triggering.

The Titanic bit is actually a thing that happened. A dude legit predicted the Titanic it is bonkers (I learned this thanks to 999 and thought it would be funny to add it because sleep deprived Damon likes to info dump (yes I am neurodivergent how could you tell) and Jean is the fucking Ultimate Ship Captain what better chance can you get?). Also yes ships back then were bonkers it is hilarious.

When Jean returns with food after this fic him and Damon sit down to explain to the latter all the things he missed in the class meetings so Damon is not running with fake facts again (and hopefully avoid other panic attacks about it in the future). They are forced to communicate about being partners and while they are both still very emotionally stunted because of their respective traumas they at least have a semi-honest conversation for once. Mostly because Damon is too tired and worn-down to be antagonistic.

The roommate system prooobably gets ruled out at the week two and a half(?) by a very frustrated Tozu, but by then he will need a very strong/kill or die motive to actually get a crack on the partner system itself (which is too broad a concept for him to actually rule out the game entirely).

(Realistically speaking he probably would deny the system from happening as quickly as it was brought up because he would notice it as a liability to his killing game plan, but then again. This is fic. I like my Tozu very stupid in fic)

Damon slowly starts reintegrating back into the group when he feels less like "Hi I just had 4 panic attacks in a week what is life at this point." Jean personally helps him in it.

Damon doesn't exactly remember what happened when he was triggered (bcs I hc him to forget trauma to cope, only vaguely remembering things when triggered / having intrusive thoughts). He remembers stabbing Jean because of a "overreaction" on his part and that's pretty much it. He feels like garbage about it but doesn't know how to apologize.

Thankfully, the wound was very minimal so nobody really noticed it after the bleeding stopped and Jean removed the bandages. It is their shared secret that nobody shall know about.

After chapter 1 Damon has a 10 minute panic attack, call himself cringe for it, and forces himself to go for the futon. You could hear him cursing out to all the gods throughout the living quarters. Like La Llorona but it is a dude swearing instead.

Jean brings Damon food. From things like granola bars to small portions of meals (to avoid any accidental refeeding syndrome), every time Jean goes out, he brings Damon something to eat. The others question it at first but Jean only gives vague explanations so they give up (they know, somewhat. But it is not their business so they don't push about it).

Damon has never had anyone offer comfort or food without a catch to it so he is very confused to the whole ordeal but too tired to actually complain (he still compulsively checks everything, afraid of poison, despite never being any).

after a bit he actually somewhat warms up to the ship captain !! Yaaay Damon getting comfort !!!! Finally !!!!!

Writing this my entire thought process of Damon's characterization was "abused stray cat that hisses / scratches you but all it wants is love and a stable living environment and once it has it and gets used to it, it is actually very cuddly." That's just him in a nutshell. Just add some asshole pretentious vibes into the mix & you're done

I made Edward up very late (writing session 8 out of 10) into chapter 2 because I needed a reason as to why Jean would physically force Damon to sleep. When I said the man is a plot device I meant it lol

Tozu had a Live Tozu Reaction to Jean's and Damon's fight thinking that fINAlLY SOMEONE IS DYING.. And then nobody did. Oop.

AND THEN Jean gets killed and Damon suffers horribly /jkjk

[prettytanuki]

s02ep00 of Mushoku Tensei

This episode feels like a side-story. Not as good as MT season 1 but I guess you should watch if you want to watch season 2.

Spoilers & my thoughts on the episode below.

So the episode starts with a royalty talking about cake with her guards, except cake is codeword for tits, because this is mushoku tensei and all roads lead to perv.

Then we see Sylphy getting teleported into the sky and we're reminded that, yeah, this would kill most people normally.

So how the fuck does she survive this? What does this have to do with that princess? Is she just going to fall on a tree and they'll help her or something?

And then all of sudden a huge pig goes rampage and brutally kills one guard... wait what.

What's up with this pig all of sudden? Where did it came from. Why does it decide to go on rampage the exact moment Sylphy is falling down in the sky? In hindsight, was it that water spell she tried to use earlier and almost drowned in it?

So as it seems that the other guard is actually fucking dead, and the second guard is prepared to die and tells the princess to gtfo, maybe... just maybe... this pig is the real deal, so I guess Sylphy will kill the pig, the princess will be like "hurray" and the story continues from there. The only problem is how is she going to land.

What the fuck? HER HAIR JUST TURNED WHITE? SHE JUST PULLED A KANEKI???? I was wondering who the hell was that guy white haired elf at the end of first season and it was JUST HER WITH WHITE HAIR???

This was dirty. Dirty and cheap. Can't believe I fell for that.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???

ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW??? SHE JUST... FALLS RIGHT IN THE EXACT SPOT LOL

Okay this was awful. I guess it solves the issue of how it happens but holy shit this was awful. This is some looney tooneys shit.

Okay so the princess takes Sylphy in on the condition that she wears these glasses... I guess that explains where the glasses come form but... why tho...? Is it the eye color? I guess that must be it because I can't imagine it being anything else. I don't really remember eye color being that important though. I thought it was the hair color.

Messy writing aside I gotta say this looks pretty badass. Sunglass white-hair elf ftw!

Some royal bullshit happens in the ball. Silent Fitz, huh? I guess that explains how she maintained low-profile despite having no court training. Was Sylphy an elf...? I don't really remember. I think she was supposed to be a demon, so she's pretending to be an elf.

Fitz seems traumatize. I guess that makes sense considering this is MT.

I guess that makes sense but I was sort of imagining she would just keep "Fitz" around for herself and make no effort in finding her family.

Wow a theater scene. Crazy to think people watched these before animes were invented.

So it sounds like the princess was just trying to get people to search for Fitz' family but the other royals misinterpreted that as her training to raise to the throne... or was she????

A fat bastard noble with a collared sex slave??? This is so cliché.

But I love it.

I'm sorry, what are they saying? I can't concentrate on the words.

"We will not nip the buds, but reap the one who sows them."

Okay, so ur gonna kill her. Why not just say that, explicitly and in plain English, you fatass smirking bastard.

I was so focused on that perv noble I forgot about this other perv noble. ARE YOU GUYS ALL PERVERTS???

RUN FITZ RUN!!!

oh no.

Oh, she's actually one of the decent ones. She wasn't going to attack Fitz. She, just like she said, was just going to sleep on the bed, together, and never had any plans for otherwise. That makes sense.

What a nice emotional scene deepening the relationship between two girls, I'm so glad nothing perverted is goi

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NO!!! NOOOO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Blushing Fitz is a cutie.

Oh fuck no. You in bed and open your eyes and a stranger is standing there? This stuff gives me nightmares!

It's an assassin!

Fitz can fight hurray!

Wait a sec... that's fat bastard's girl. She looks smaller than I thought. Why is she an assassin. That doesn't make sense.

*fighting ensues*

Cool moves!

What did she do.

WHAT DID SHE DO???

I mean it looks like she just pushed the assassin with her two hands but honestly that's some SLOW assassin if she just let Fitz attack her full of opening like that.

And blast!

And...

NOOOO!!! FAT BASTARD'S GIRL!!! What the fuck!!!

Why would you do that for, Fitz??? JUST CAPTURE HER ALIVE! Needs an interrogation scene!!!

Is that so? Is she part of the dark guild? Because I'm pretty sure I saw this in Cheat Skill already.

I hope she survived the fall.

I'm glad there was poison in the blade. Sick of half-assed assassins who won't even coat their blades in poison.

So with the assassination the princess leaves for "studies" abroad, which means Fitz goes to magic school, and that connects to how she sent Rudeus a message at the end of last season. That makes sense, I guess.

WHY ARE THEY CLIMBING MOUNTAINS LIKE THAT??? JUST GET A CARRIAGE OR SOMETHING! You telling me the princess of a kingdom can't even get a proper transportation to cross the mountain range?

Okay, fine I don't really know a lot about how royalty works, iirc the average royalty was way poorer than what it looks like in a fantasy show because they only reigned over small domains but surely there is fancier way to travel through a mountain than three people in capes, right? no idea what it would be tho

[random-conspiracy]

Blorbos (I guess?)

(Here's the thing, I have 5 minutes before I have to go back to drawing architecture plans. Don't tell anything to the Administrative-High-Secretary part of my mind.)

Time ago I did not have something as a favorite character beyond some guys I liked, but nothing more. Then Tumblr made some silly brainwashing shenanigans (blorbo) and this is the list updated to this exact moment:

Karkat Vantas (Homestuck [As if the clarifications were necessary])

Harry Du Bois (Disco Elysium)

Daniel James Fenton/Danny Phantom (Danny Phantom)

Evelyn Wang (Everything Everywhere All At Once)

The Warden (Superjail)

Perseus Jackson (Percy Jackson & The Olympians)

You can bet your ass I'm completely forgetting someone. I'm pretty sure of that. I constantly have to remind myself of writting down my favorite movies/series/books/music/etc because I'm one disco night of completely forget who the fuck I am.

Everyone of these pieces of shit are crucial puzzle pieces in the way I think of myself and the world. (Ok, that sounds waaaaaaaaaay deeper than it actually is, but whatever).

Karkat Vantas: God damn it. I mean. How not to love him. He's so brave and silly and crazy and mean and full of love for his friends and full of hate for everything. When I think about "putting blorbo in situations" he's the one because is so fucking funny. I want to push him in a washing machine (full cycle) and then give him a party. About fanart, I specially like the ones where he's smiling. After the chaos Homestuck was and even before with Alternia's death traps, I really (REALLY) want him to be happy. And here me out, I'm aromantic so I don't really relate a lot with romantic crushes and stuff BUT that stupid animation of him hate-falling for Egbert broke my heart. The music, the MUSIC!!!. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA. (However, Dave Strider is another cool dude, and seeing them together is the only thing that still makes me want a romantic relationship).

Harry Du Bois: I like to think about Karkat when I need comfort in my life, but the real deal in that place is for Harry. During the game I was so attached to him that when I found out about the hobocop (sleep outside, specially the trash bin thing), I was pretty sure I was going to cry if that happened. Harry is hilarious and I love him. Is a fucking mess and the most sad wet pathetic cat (I don't care about Vriska). I tried to make the best person out of Harry. Be kind, be gentle. Go to sleep and don't abuse drugs, caring for himself and for others. "You can live Harry!" I used to whisper. Now, when I find myself at 3:00 am feeling empty, drinking unhealthy dosis of coffee and energy drinks, without having taken a bath in a week I think of him. And I cry.

Daniel James Fenton/Danny Phantom: This one is slightly creepy. When I was a boy I used to have very non-traumatic thoughts like "what would happen if I died?", "would someone care?". I used to imagine myself as a ghost wandering through my funeral. And OH BOY! You can bet your ass I used to think about Danny too. Not quite dead, not quite alive. And turns out I wasn't the only one! Hahaha. A quick check of the #Corpse AU tag and holy shit. The Phandom is doing horrible things to this kid and I'm here for that. I don't have those thoughts anymore (at least not that recurrently). I like his silliness, and specially, the theme of identity. Have you ever imagined what it must be like to hold your own skull? Visit your own grave? He's the one I make suffer the most (as a way to process my own dark thoughts), hahaha, but as the others, I imagine for him a happy life. (Even if your corpse is rotting in Amity's forest).

Evelyn Wang: Until last year, I did not have a favorite movie either. That changed after 10 minutes of EEAAO. I have watched this movie at least 50 times just in the following 3 months and I cry every time. If I told you about Evelyn, what should I tell you? I love how she's a little of shit at the beggining. And I look through her eyes, wondering "what if?". I'm in my 20's but everything seems so possible. Being an architect, devouring the world, dying in a traffic accident. Everything is happening at the same time and I feel that I'm falling behind. Her journey is finding the empathy that she lacked to embrace her life. Glimpses of other worlds. A buffet of possibilities and choices. Full of inconditional love. You can look at my cover photo: Is Rock Evelyn, and her phrase "There are no rules" will forever be in my heart (and hopefully, in my skin this year). She made me want to live. (Oh my god, I'm about to cry again). And, as a extra. I know the DMS-V ADHD syptoms from memory and watching the movie was like playing bingo. I'm sorry Percy, but EVELYN? Girl, you don't have ADHD. You ARE the ADHD!

The Warden: He may be the one I care the least, in a intimate sense. BUT JESUS CHRIST!!! The energy this goof has is obnoxious. Fire, hell and rainbows. Oh boy! OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!!! (And the mannerisms god lord. I want to steal his gender)

Percy Jackson: And finally, the first character I had a deep relationship with. I mean, I never was sooooo into him. He made me realize that MAYBE I wasn't what we call "straight" hashahsha. (I feel you Nico). Another goof you may say, but I really like the way the prophecy is handled about him , like the gallow of his own death. I don't have something particular for heroes, but he was a very important part of my life (the books in general) when I was a kid. I used to felt them as a part of myself in a way that I usually slept hugging them. I refused for a long time to read the last chapter of The Last Hero because that would be like throwing the last shovel of dirt in the grave of a childhood friend. Because that's what he's to me.

All these people are idiots, have menatl issues and need a hug. What else can I tell you? Probably before I see the last movie of Spiderverse, The Spot may be here too. But probably more related to The Warden than the others.

I guess you can learn more about what type of guy I am through these characters and my relationship with them. [Thx for reading]. (I'd love to learn about yours too).

(That's it baby! Front view picures! Everyone! Smile for the photo! [They're so done ahshahs])

[empty-movement]

We sure as hell wouldn’t have the kind of shows we do now if Revolutionary Girl Utena didn’t exist. Even back in the 90’s, it was revolutionizing the face of animation-- and now it’s come around in a ton of influential western animation that references it. My Little Pony did it, Steven Universe drew heavily from its themes, She-Ra pulled on the queer and relationship elements, Owl House referenced it, there are others I don’t even know about, and what about that highly suspicious hands scene DuckTales did in “Nightmare on Killmotor Hill?” At this point, it’s basically the hidden Godmother of modern western animation. And every time something new gives it a shoutout, a ton of people ask, “Should I watch Utena?”

Now, that’s a pretty fraught question, because when I said Utena was the Godmother of these shows, I didn’t mean the fairy type with the dreams being fulfilled and all-- I meant the “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse” type with a gun in hand and a lot of pain to inflict. It’s hard enough to boil Utena down to the basics as it is, let alone avoiding spoilers and trying to make sure triggers are respected. It takes forever, it’s hard to do, it’s really easy to miss things, and it ends up confusing people more often than not. So, here’s my shot at an answer-- it is not a list of triggers, there are a couple purposely vague spoilers, but nothing that you won’t figure out from watching the first episode. I’m not going to concern myself about specific plot points or items. Instead, I’m gonna explain just enough for people to get the idea and judge for themselves.

Utena starts as your typical school drama/enemy of the week series, plunges into a navel-gazing deconstruction of its own pieces, then further beckons you on to deconstruct your pieces. The core of it is about gender roles, abuse, and the harm the systems around us inflict on us. The first scene starts out with a fairytale-- once upon a time, a girl was sad and a Prince gave her a ring and told her someday the ring would lead her to him. Then she decided SHE would become a Prince. But, the show literally asks the viewer, was that really such a good idea?

Then it illustrates and tears that fairytale apart. Our main character, Utena, sees a girl named Anthy being abused and traded around by sword duels, and attempts to win the duels to protect Anthy; she loses Anthy at some point, then regains her, as you would expect. You would think the story ends there and she would be rewarded for that-- buuuuuuut you’re nowhere near the end of the series yet. And that's where I have to stop summarizing, because the longer it goes on the stranger and darker it gets.

Utena is weird, guys. It’s a classic, and for some really fucking good reasons, but there are a lot of psychedelic visuals, references to literature, psychological breakdowns, references to its own damn self, and just… it’s just so much. I’m not gonna lie, it can be offputting, because you never get what you expect. It’s shoujo as hell, but backwards and run through a shredder. It’s magical girl anime, but only if by “magical” you mean “traumatized.” It’s yuri-- yes there are queer relationships-- but it's actually a story about abuse and how hard it is to build an honest relationship in the midst of abuse. I’m not saying it’s not yuri, but I am saying that holy shit it’s NOT the soft, fluffy, lesbian love you imagine when you think of the yuri genre. Anyone who just says “It’s yuri, watch it!” and won’t explain anything else is, like, probably out to get you or something-- especially if they mean the other kind of yuri. It is, absolutely, not porn.

On top of all that, it's longer than modern anime (39 whole episodes!), it seems at first to be just a “rah-rah girls can be awesome too” kinda show, and then later on it depicts trauma in ways that can be very hard to watch and that you might not expect. Are you up for extremely relatable or totally unflinching or uniquely painful scenes of abusive interactions, both sexual and nonsexual? Are you okay with explicitly depicted abuse, are you able to take care of yourself if you get triggered, and are you still gonna want to watch after seeing something that really hurts? If you are, Utena might be for you. Are you okay with surreal bullshitting and trippy imagery? Do you like that feeling of your brain melting because you’re not sure what’s real? If you do, you’re gonna like Utena.

And how about the core themes? Do you care about abuse and systemic harm, are you interested in gender at all? You don’t have to be, but if those things don’t bore you or actively put you off, you’ll get some good brain food out of Utena.

And if you aren’t up for any of that-- no worries, okay? You take care of yourself, watch the things you enjoy, tackle the ideas you’re interested in. It’s not a judgment; this is not a good show for everyone to watch. I see it all the time, where people don’t enjoy the show and get nothing out of it, and that’s why I’m writing this. For the wrong person, this show is just boring surreal bullshit with bad things happening to people for no reason, and I want to prevent that.

But for the right person, this show can be life-changing-- more than half of the people I speak to about Utena say “my life is so different because I watched it” and they really mean it. Hell, I left an abusive relationship and married my wife because of this show-- we run Empty Movement, the biggest and oldest Utena site there is, and our community is full of amazing people with equally amazing stories.

So, should you watch Utena? I mean, yeah, I’d love it if you did, but I’m mega biased cause I wanna talk about it! Utena seems to attract that type-- once we sink our proverbial teeth in, we just keep chewing on those ideas until they revolutionize our lives. Or until we have to start shitposting in self-defense. Maybe that’s why we’ve lasted so long as a community. Maybe Utena would make you think about the things it said, maybe you would enjoy it, maybe you’d like the characters and wanna mercilessly drag on them. That’s all there in the community, and I’m so glad it is. 

Let me lay it on the line for you: if you think you can handle the abusive scenes, if you’re interested in the themes, if you like Dali and Frida Kahlo and think symbolism is cool, this might just be your jam. If you’re queer, questioning, or on a gender/sexuality journey, this has a lot of food for you. Same if you’re a feminist, or if you’re looking at the structures of power in the world and wondering how they work-- Utena’s got your back on that. And if you’re dealing with some shit-- and feel up to exploring it, painfully, I cannot stress that enough-- or you’re just interested in how people work, you might wanna take a look at this. Over the last couple decades in this fandom, I’ve noticed that the three biggest indicators of whether someone will enjoy Utena are whether you’re curious about how people work, whether you like metaphorical and symbolic art, and whether you can empathize with trauma without being too overloaded by it. You don’t need all three, but you need at least one to have a chance at a good time.

You have to decide, though, because only you know if this is your kind of deal.

If you can’t refuse the offer this Godmother has for you, come and join the Revolutionary Girl Utena mafia family. Nozomi has been generous enough to put it all up on Youtube, so if you’re American, you can give it a shot right now– and if you have Crunchyroll, you’re in luck, because it’s there as well! For the rest of you, I trust you’ll go through the appropriate channels to support the work :)

~Yasha<3

[phoenixyfriend]

Time Travel ft. Leia and Vader

(Helped by @atagotiak)

I was reading a bunch of different time travel fics, and my brain slotted in that one "Vader hands over the Empire to Leia and is now her most devoted sycophant" dynamic and mixed it with the "Luke and Vader time-travel and Vader does the right thing but only because it would make Luke sad if he didn't."

I landed on "Leia time travels to prequels era, but her least favorite family member has also traveled with her, though it takes him a few months to find her because he has less resources without the entire Imperial Navy, but he's still a scary Sith in all black with a breathing mask and intimidating cape."

"Tiny angry lady who wants to force democracy and her giant Sith father whom she hates but has resigned herself to pointing at threats like a tank who inexplicably loves her" is a delightful dynamic.

The first few months included a lot of concern about "why do you know so much about Sith if you're not trained or looking to be one" and then Vader shows up and calls her 'daughter' and she insults him and it's like "Oh. That explains it."

Council Member: We have a Sith in the Temple. Vader: Former Sith. Leia: Listen. He is your best chance against Sidious. Also, do you want Dooku dead? Vader can make him dead. Council Member: Your father i-- Leia, scrunching up her face: Don't call him that.

Like Leia is deep in conversation when the Temple starts panicking because Vader just. Showed up? He snuck in, somehow? So Palpatine wouldn't catch him on video entering through the front door? And people try to keep her away from the trouble, because there's an entire array of Jedi Masters to deal with this Surprise Sith, except she can sense exactly which Sith it is and once she shouts "oh you have got to be kidding me!" she just starts running and, well, it's Leia. Nobody can stop her.

(Leia does have less combat training, at least less force-assisted combat training, than the Jedi. But then the Jedi don’t want to hurt here here. She's not fighting her way down, either, she's just running really fast and all the best fighters already left. They had a head start. So Leia's mostly running past random padawans and the like.)

She shoves her way to the front of the group of Masters who. Well, they're certainly ready to attack. But Vader is just standing there. Doing nothing. Still intimidating as fuck but he's not doing anything.

And then Leia bursts onto the scene like "You motherfucker."

She hits her head on a clipboard and whines because UGH he's a walking WMD and they could REALLY use him against Palpatine but also. She hates him so much.

She tries to hand him off to the Jedi council but he insists that he will only take orders from Leia herself.

Jedi: Wait, what. Leia, completely ignoring them: Did you follow me here? Vader, through the mechanical wheezing: I have no loyalty to my master and no empire to serve. You are all that I have left. Leia: Me? Me? I'm all that you have left? You committed a genocide that killed all the family I had except for the twin brother you later mutilated! Jedi: Wait what Vader, going to one knee: I pledge my loyalty and blade to you and only you, daughter. Leia, ready to explode: I. I just. Jedi, some of whom really want to say things but are slowly realizing that they just accidentally acquired a Sith Lord by proxy: What. Leia: I hate you so much but I can't even get rid of you, you're too useful. Vader: I live to serve. Leia: Yeah. Got that. Fuck. Someone get him a full medical rundown, I don't know the last time that mess of a life support system was updated. Jedi, agitated again: WHAT Leia: Listen, I don't like him, but I'm not stupid enough to throw away the second most dangerous person in the universe when I can point him at the most dangerous person in the universe. Especially not if he's going to listen to me. Jedi: But... he's a Sith. Leia: Please trust me when I say this: you might be able to take him down eventually, but he will take dozens of you down with him, and right now he's... honestly, I'm pretty sure he's more depressed than malicious. Jedi: You hate him. I can feel it. Leia: Yes, but I can be professional about it. Vader: They have not yet d-- Leia: Nope! No talking! Not until I've had a chance to process this mess!

There is a whole lot of Leia snapping at Vader to stop it whenever he starts giving off vibes like he wants to take the most violent shortcut possible.

She is not the gentle hand that Luke would be.

Leia isn't a Jedi or working for them but she's wormed her way into being an ally. They don't 100% trust her, especially not with Vader just showing up and declaring her family but like

How do you say no to a WMD walking into your house and saying "I will fight the monster you cower from at night."

There's a lot of Leia snapping off an admonishment that sounds just a little too odd and then when questioned she just says "He knows what he did."

tbh I'm not sure how long it takes for them to tell anyone that Anakin is Vader. They might hold it off in hopes that Anakin can just retire to be Mr. Amidala after the war is over.

Well, Leia hopes. Vader just lets Leia make that call and then glowers at his younger self every time they're in the same room.

I do feel like Leia tells Obi-Wan the truth first

Imagine. Imagine a Vader who’s past still isn’t known. But has gotten somewhat comfortable around the Jedi (not really but the bar for what counts and comfortable for him is low). And Obi-Wan habitually banters with darksiders, right? If Vader’s guard is down for a moment and he, without thinking, references an inside joke...

Might be the most fun in terms of ways to tell Obi-Wan "We're time travelers and Vader is what happens if you let Palpatine drive Anakin off the edge"

If Vader has decided to pledge himself to her orders after destroying her planet, then fine. She can work with that. She's not going to be happy about it, but she can make it work.

The Jedi Temple hates having Vader anywhere nearby but he is actually very good at hiding himself from people, including Palpatine And for all that Leia seems perpetually irritated with her apparent bodyguard, he does seem to listen to her.

Jedi council: We still haven't figured out how to handle Dooku Leia: Do you know his location? Jedi council: Yes. Leia: [sigh] Leia: Vader, deal with it. Alive if possible.

(Leia does need to clarify an acceptable level of violence against the people protecting Dooku.) (She needs to clarify... many things.)

Leia always says "Vader" and one time a poor fool just asks why she doesn't call him dad and she snarls out "He is not the man that raised me, and I am glad for it."

Someone less foolish later prods more compassionately and she lets them know she was adopted and didn't properly meet Vader except in passing until she was nineteen.

"And then he tortured you." "And then he tortured me, yes." "Damn." "Didn't even find out we were related until a few years later when he chopped my brother's arm off." "You... wow." "I know."

At least one exchange that is L: You mean when you tortured me? A: He did what. V: I was not aware of our relation at that time. L: Not the point! I am fully aware of your interrogation methods and I refuse to let you be the one to acquire the evidence for-- A: Wait no go back he tortured you? L: Move on, please, we already have. A: That means I'm... oh Force, I'm going to torture my own daughter what in the actual fu-- L: We're moving on.

(“I end up torturing my own daughter” If Leia’s feeling especially spiteful I can see her saying “you mutilate your own son too”)

Concept: Leia is very free with traumatizing details of her past re:Vader and Anakin thinks that it sucks but doesn’t think much of it bc Sith. And then some time later he finds out...

(I love characters who use the traumatizing details of their past to shut down conversations.)

It's such a wonderfully horrifying concept for him to try to awkwardly comfort this girl he kind of knows because having a Sith for a dad sounds like it would suck and Leia seems nice, even if she's kind of weird and uncomfortable around Anakin, but he saw her flinch around a few other tall people wearing black robes the way she stiffens around Vader so maybe it's just that!

It is not.

Vader does get a significant amount of medical treatment. Including a bunch of "holy shit, that's a lot of drugs" and similar. There is so much lightning damage.

hnnng I'm just really in love with the image of Tiny Tiny Leia sitting behind a desk for some fancy negotiation, the picture of professionalism, while Vader just stands behind her shoulder, looming, glaring expressionless death at whoever came to speak with his baby girl.

Not that he would call her that, because she'd just hate him more and he's really not sure how to fix that problem, other than doing whatever she asks with no complaints and hoping she appreciates it.

Vader: [looks at children wandering by, has complicated emotions] Leia, tired of his shit: What now? Vader: I killed them, once. Leia, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath: And you're not going to do that again. No killing children. Vader: I know that. Leia: Great. I am... regretting asking. I am so very much regretting asking.

I do really like the idea of someone asking Leia once if she wants Jedi training and she says, no, actually, she's fully aware of the fact that she's angry little ball of hate sometimes, especially towards her bio father, and she'd like to refrain from putting herself in a position where she knows enough about the Force to Fall. She wouldn't Fall. But it does make people shut up.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 299: No Chains Left

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “and then AFO broke out all of the inmates from six other prisons and took a nap. well anyways, here’s the hospital angst.” Kacchan woke up two days later and was all, “WAIT BUT HOW ARE DEKU AND TODOROKI AND ALL OF THE OTHER CHARACTERS EXCEPT IIDA DOING” and then we cut to Shouto’s room where the other U.A. kids were sitting around being Mutually Traumatized and giving each other moral support and such. Everyone was alll, “...”, and then the rest of the Todofam showed up, INCLUDING POSSIBLY REI?! which, omg. The chapter ended with Kacchan STOMPING THROUGH THE HALLS all “WHADDYA MEAN DEKU HASN’T WOKEN UP YET”, dragging along Satou and Mineta behind him, fueled by the power of ALL OF THE FUCKS HE NOW GIVES. He gives so many fucks now you guys. This boy cares so much he can probably deduct it on his taxes.

Today on BnHA: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO GIVE A LOT OF FUCKS, the story cuts abruptly to Hawks, freshly recovering from his near-death experience, and pondering the threads that have weaved the tapestry of his life and led him to this moment. Basically he grew up in poverty with his Jerk Dad and Jerk Mom until his dad got arrested one day and his mom sent him off to go Find Money Or Something, and so he rescued a busload of people and found himself a new career. Back in the present day, Hawks and Jeanist ride around town in Jeanist’s Jamborghini having awkward encounters with civilians in a country on the brink of social collapse, and visiting Hawks’s mother’s home. Hawks is all “I know from an outsider’s perspective it must look like my life currently sucks, but now that the HPSC is gone, my public image is shot, and my parents are finally out of my life, I’m actually feeling SURPRISINGLY GOOD.” Anyway so he’s gonna go meet up with Endeavor now, and p.s. this chapter was fucking fantastic though, damn.

oh my god?? is this Hawks narration?? something about him growing up watching the heroes on TV and thinking of them as fictional characters

okay I scrolled down a little bit more to see the rest of that “Keigo” panel, and wow

this is basically a shed. poor boy definitely grew up rough. let me tell you guys, I came in here ready for some BakuDeku shenanigans; I was not prepared for Hawks Flashback Angst. I AM HERE FOR IT, but also wow I gotta brace myself now lol

HELLO MISTER HAWKS’S JERK DAD, SIR

BnHA sure does have an array of Jerk Dads, doesn’t it. makes me appreciate characters like Masaru and JirouDad all the more for bucking the trend

anyway. so Horikoshi, you really thought that one itty bitty chapter of hospital catharsis would be enough to calm us all before you went right back to showing us child abuse huh. my god man can we rest

BABY HAWKS

swear to god this kid can’t be more than five or six, and yet he has this completely blank look on his face even with his dad looming over him being all threatening and shit. like he’s shut down his emotions to protect himself. imagine what has to happen to a child for him to have learned this at such a young age. fuck

AND MEANWHILE THIS GUY

don’t mingle with humans?? not “other” humans, just humans?? what is this implying here?? and also holy shit Hawks definitely didn’t inherit his looks from his dad orz

then again he doesn’t really bear much of a resemblance to his strung-out mom here either

omg omg omg. and this child is basically trapped here in this environment with these two people. this explains a SHITLOAD about Hawks’s personality though you guys. his ability to completely separate his real thoughts from the face he presents to the outside world. his pragmatic approach to analyzing and solving problems. his layers of emotional walls. turns out almost none of that came from the HPSC training -- that was all learned hands-on in his own personal do-or-die survival nightmare childhood!! oh, boy

and small wonder then that he latched on to Endeavor so strongly if he really is the one who brought down his dad and inadvertently saved him from this. also, just putting this out there, I know people are always talking about him and Dabi being foils, and I think it’s very interesting how Touya grew up in a household where he saw firsthand the dark side of hero society, and so ended up becoming a villain in order to bring it down. whereas young Keigo had almost the exact opposite experience, growing up experiencing the dark side of villain society and becoming a hero in order to bring about a world where no one else has to experience that. just. both of them are so determined not to become their fathers. some interesting parallels there

so Hawks was sort of an accident after his parents had “thanks for helping me not get caught after I killed that guy” sex, and now this little boy is growing up in squalor and being beaten by his father for things like Sitting In The Wrong Out-Of-The-Way Corner Trying Not To Be A Bother To Anybody. holy fuck. this is so rough to read through you guys

wait so does Jerk Dad have a an eyeball manipulation quirk?? because he doesn’t have the wings like his son, but wth are these things??

this presumably also means that Keigo has never been to school or anything either. he basically doesn’t exist. he thinks heroes are fictional characters, he doesn’t realize that they’re real people. these are people who could help him if he could escape and find them, but he doesn’t know, and they don’t know about him

OH MY GOD HE’S JUST SITTING IN HIS CORNER HUGGLING HIS ENDEAVOR PLUSH OH MY GOD

how could this child possibly have an anti-fandom when he’s done NOTHING WRONG HIS ENTIRE LIFE. huh. just explain that to me. lol I mean I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone, but also, MAYBE I AM, idk?? this kid has gotten me all riled up lmao

anyways, Protect Keigo 2021, and thank you Horikoshi for these three very terrible pages. I am pleased to inform you that you’ve effectively gotten your point across and you may now commence saving this kid already

YAY

oh no, Keigo’s dumbass jerk dad tried to steal a car and the popo nabbed his ass and now his mom can’t just sit around neglecting her VERY YOUNG SON all day long, oh horrors. sorry lady my tiny violin is on backorder. just imagine that I’m playing a very sarcastic song on it for you

anyway so what are you gonna do now, abandon him? I can hardly imagine he’d be worse off, if anything it might be a near-instant improvement

LMAO HE’S ALL “WAIT WHAT ENDEAVOR’S A REAL FUCKING DUDE?!”

AND THEY SAY THAT A HERO CAN SAVE US~~~~ I’M NOT GONNA STAND HERE AND WAAAAAIT~~~~~ I’LL HOLD ONTO THE WINGS OF THE EAGLES, WATCH AS WE ALL FLY AWAAAAAAY~~~~

lol what a randomly pivotal moment in his young life. TIME TO GO MAKE THESE MEMES INTO DREAMS YOUNG ONE

anyway so his mom freaked out and grabbed him and they wound up at a train station with her TELLING HIM TO GO GET HER SOME MONEY, oh my god. SURE MOM LEMME JUST WALTZ RIGHT ON DOWN TO THE “JOBS FOR FIVE-YEAR-OLDS” STORE AND TELL THEM I NEED SOME CASH. ffff manifesting someone to come help him in 3... 2...

...

SIGH, JUST GO RESCUE THE PEOPLE FROM THE BUS, KEIGO. is this the outfit he was wearing when that happened?? it must be, right?? I can’t imagine them surviving more than a couple days out here unless this starts getting REALLY dark in a way I know that even Horikoshi won’t explore, so yeah. cut to the HPSC now please. never thought we’d be glad to see them. I mean sure, it may be an “out of the frying pan...” case, but good god

THANK YOU!!

and I guess it was his mom’s eyeball quirk then. anyway, whatever, see you again never, hopefully. lol oh man. thaaaat, was upsetting. need to center myself here for a sec. NAMASTE

OH YAY THE PRESENT

so we cut from Baby Hawks Angst straight to Present Day Hawks Angst, huh. not that this exhausted and traumatized lil lad isn’t still a baby to me too, I’ll have you know

BEST JEANIST, ALWAYS WITH THE JOKES

“WHEW, THOUGHT YOU DIED ON ME FOR A SEC THERE KID.” lmao. Caleb will no doubt ruin this by making his word choice all stiffly formal as usual, so I’m just going to treasure this “WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M FRESH OUT OF FUCKS” version of Jeanist while I can

look at him, driving his Jeanistmobile

again, is it any wonder Kacchan was bitching about Endeavor’s dinky little car when he was used to riding around town in style like this. anyone else staring at this panel trying to figure out how this car is somehow secretly made of jeans

NOOOOO

FUCK YOU DABI LMAO. PUTTING THESE VOICE ACTORS OUT OF A JOB ONE BY ONE

anyway so Jeanist is all “GOOD THING IT’S THE FUTURE AND WE’RE SO GOOD AT MEDICAL SCIENCE” to handwave how Hawks went from one step shy of being a very handsome corpse, to sitting around texting Jeanist in a car all of two days later

OH MY GOD, AND FINALLY AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS

wait a minute. I’m so confused lmfao. soooo, was Hawks all “anyway, here’s Jeanist’s dead body, you can examine it but please don’t look at him too closely and also I’m gonna need that back unharmed.” how tf did you pull that off lmao

(ETA: also isn’t this technically confirmation of the ol’ Noumu Jeanist theory lol. I’m gonna go ahead and say it is.)

NO BUT PLEASE, CONTINUE. I unironically love reading Horikoshi’s overly convoluted “SEE IT’S NOT A PLOT HOLE” explanations

lkldslfk so wait, you’re telling me Hawks convinced Dabi and the League to put Jeanist’s body in storage, and basically just hoped they wouldn’t use him for any experiments until he could put his plan into action and have the HPSC’s people break in and find and revive him?? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG. A FOOLPROOF PLAN IF I’VE EVER HEARD ONE

fff this man really asked Jeanist to risk it all to prop up his little cover story, and Jeanist was all “sure why not” omfg. anyways, thanks for recapping all of this out loud for no particular reason in your car conversation you two

LMAO NOW WHAT

TROUBLE YOU SAY? GOOD THING THE NEW NUMBER ONE HERO IS ON THE JOB THEN

okay no it’s just some random thugs strolling around terrorizing the downtown. fuck ‘em. so Jeanist is making short work of them now

uh oh

won’t come? not can’t, but won’t?? what???

WOW

well I guess that makes the local heroes A BUNCH OF SHITHEADS now doesn’t it?? jesus

and okay, serious question, if the cops are spread too thin and the heroes have literally walked out on the job, what exactly is stopping everyone from deciding to use their quirks to defend themselves, legal or not? nothing, as far as I can tell. society just got a hell of a lot more chaotic

anyway so this is an interesting panel here

man, Dabi really did pull it off, didn’t he. well anyway so here’s that better world all of the villains were wanting, you guys! isn’t it so great?? everyone’s terrified and angry and losing hope and society is inches away from collapsing into total anarchy! but hey, at least we exposed the number one hero as a hypocrite

anyway so what are these guys up to

fucking hell, he’s visiting his mom. I really wasn’t prepared to commit this much emotional energy towards reading this chapter today. BUT VERY WELL, WE PRESS ON

?? wait she’s not there?

is this supposed to explain how Dabi knew who Hawks really was? except that there’s the little matter of how he even know where to find his mother in the first place. feels like we’re still missing something there, but oh well

OH MY GOD

RHA I TAKE BACK EVERY WORD I EVER SPOKE AGAINST YOU. YOU ARE A SCANLATION GROUP FILLED WITH ANGELS LMAO. I WILL TAKE THIS PANEL IN MY HANDS, AND TREASURE IT AND KEEP IT SAFE

ANYWAY, BECAUSE MY TIRED BIRD SON’S LIFE SUCKED SO MUCH ALREADY, IT TURNS OUT HE’S ACTUALLY PLEASED WITH THIS NEW TURN OF EVENTS LOL HOW ABOUT THAT

GOOD FOR YOU BBY. YOU GO OUT THERE AND BE YOUR OWN PERSON

and in all seriousness, I love that identity he chooses -- chooses, because it actually is him making a choice now, possibly for the very first time in his life -- is “guy who helps people”, though. it really is nothing short of miraculous that he held on to that kind of optimism and desire to do good even with everything he’s been through. there were so many times he could have chosen to turn his back on the world in retaliation for the way it treated him. but he didn’t!! and here he is now, finally free, and what he wants to do with the rest of his life now is simply to help others. anyway please excuse me for a moment, I need to go find some sort of basket or a big vase to put all of my fresh new Hawks Feels in, pardonne-moi

YEAH BOIIIIII

“FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, MISTER JEANIST, WHERE DID YOU FIND YOUSELF THAT SWEETASS CAR.” hey, all I’m saying is if this boy’s wings really aren’t growing back, he’s gonna need to find himself a new means of transportation y’know?

oh my god you guys it’s a flashback to his mom buying him the Endeavor plushie when he was like two because, and I quote, ALL MIGHT WAS TOO EXPENSIVE

oh my god oh my god. my boy out here with a new lease on life finding hope in the darkest of times

wasn’t your throat supposed to be all fucked up lmao. Horikoshi was suddenly all “oh shit the VAs are gonna be pissed at me if I keep this up huh”

“that’s why Bubaigawara was such a great guy” motherfucker IT IS A TERRIBLE DAY FOR RAIN. FORECAST SAID NOTHING ABOUT THIS

:’)

yes ma’am. yes indeed. confirmed, I really will straight up fight some motherfuckers for this child. well not really, but YOU KEEP YOUR DISCOURSE OFF MY LAWN AND OUT OF MY BLOG YOU HEAR. THIS IS A HAWKS-FRIENDLY SPACE. WE RESPECT TAKAMI KEIGO IN THESE STREETS

and he’s saying (or is he thinking?? what a weirdly shaped speech bubble this is) that even if what Dabi said about the Todoroki household is true, “I’m not sure it’s the same now.” which happens to be ABSOLUTELY CORRECT. man this whole chapter really is all about saying “fuck the past” and moving forward and I am living for it

SON!!!!

“the first step is at my beginning” fklkjlk. what an iconic fucking line??

AND HIS WINGS!!!! THEY ACTUALLY ARE GROWING BACK AHHHHHHH. “PUT A RAINCHECK ON THAT CAR, JEANIST-SAN.” THE HAWKSMOBILE CAN WAIT, RIGHT NOW HE HAS TO GO INSERT HIMSELF BACK INTO THE TODODRAMA WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

you guys. I came here ready for some BAKUDEKU HOSPITAL ANGST, and I got DIDDLY SHIT of that, and none of my other kids were even in this chapter, but!!! ASK ME IF I CARE LMAO omg. because bird son is hanging with his new best friend, and he’s out here Finding Himself and picking up the pieces and putting them back together stronger than ever because RESILIENCE HAS A NAME, AND IT’S SPELLED H-A-W-K-S, and you guys. profound, my love for this child. holy shit. hey google, play Silence by Marshmello

[iamanartichoke]

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

[negasonicimagines]

Tell Me I'm Not Funny

Request: darkandmysteriousbutheartofgold!ellie and wholesomeanddoesn'tunderstandwhyelliedoesn'tlikeher!reader where they're both part of the friend group but ellie just thinks reader is straight and messing with her pls

Notes: I don’t usually write MCU!Peter, so if he comes up in any future fics (like as the reader’s stepdad 👀 I’ve loved spideypool longer than I’ve loved Negasonic) you can safely assume it’s Andrew Garfield. But, for this time, this is MCU!Peter. Everyone in the friend group is 18-20, just to be clear.

This really isn't my best work, but it's a fun little slice of life piece. A lot of my ideas are pretty cinematic, I can picture them in my head but sometimes those pictures don't really translate into words. I may revisit this one day.

Warnings: D-slur (reclaimed by Ellie in one line), allusions to prior assault (an unwanted kiss that could've been more had another character not stepped in), and that's about it. Oh, and a little swearing, but this is an imagine for a character from Deadpool. If you can't handle swearing, you're on the wrong blog.

Synopsis: You’re into Ellie, but she’s with your good friend Peter. She treats you like you don’t even exist, and in the few instances she does acknowledge you, it’s usually just to make some sarcastic remark. You’re head-over-heels, though, and decide to deal with your unrequited love by writing her a song she’ll never hear.

“Fuck, that movie was terrible,” Michelle groans. “I’m just glad it was a matinee show and we didn’t have to pay as much to see it.”

“The special effects were good, but can’t Disney just leave stuff alone?” Peter agrees.

“Next thing you know they’ll be making a live action Toy Story, as if the original wasn’t traumatizing enough. I don’t want to imagine Watermelon as a sentient being. She’s seen some shit,” you snicker.

“Who’s Watermelon?” Ellie asks with a dark chuckle, and you clam up. How had you forgotten she was here?

“Oh, uh, nobody.”

“Don’t tell me you still sleep with a stuffed animal,” she snarks. “You really do need to grow up.”

“Don’t be mean, Ellie,” Peter protests.

“Watermelon is cute, everybody likes cute things!” Yukio adds.

“I think a live-action Toy Story could be cool,” Ned says. “It’d look really good if they did stop-motion animation.”

“Oh, you’re right!” you chirp. “It’d be quite the undertaking, but it would look badass.”

“I think you’re using that term a little loosely,” Ellie grumbles, and you have to stop yourself from frowning, instead you laugh it off. Why does she always pick on you? Sure, she’s got a witty remark for everybody, but she’s way harder on you. It hurts, she really is so gorgeous and funny and mysterious and everything you want in a woman, but she acts like she can’t stand you.

Ellie and Peter head off together, Peter still hasn’t gotten around to getting his license and Ellie seems happy to give him a ride. You really don’t stand a chance.

You and the others pile up in MJ’s SUV for some late-night band practice.

“I don’t know if I can do it,” you admit to Yukio in the furthest row back.

“You can,” she insists. “You’re a way better singer than Lola, anyways.”

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to give her the wrong impression, I-”

“For the millionth time, Y/N, you didn’t. If she hadn’t left the band, we would’ve kicked her out. Not just for cheating on me, but for hurting you.”

“I guess,” you sigh. “Why can’t you sing instead?”

“Because I’m flat.”

“Yukio, breast size doesn’t have anything to do with singing ability, you’ve just gotta practice,” you joke.

“Shut up!” she giggles, punching you in the arm. “Plus, when you sing, the songs are being sung as they were written. We’re getting the real feelings.”

“Speaking of… I have something new I’m thinking about sharing tonight. Do you mind if I text you the demo?”

“Ooh, a first look! Hell yes!”

You text her the audio file and she puts in a wireless earbud, nodding along. Her smile gets wider and wider as she listens, and when she’s done, her assessment shocks you.

“Oh my gosh. You’re into Ellie.”

“What?!” you squeak. “No way!”

“You are! But, uh-”

“Don’t even say it. I know I don’t have a chance in hell. She only tolerates me for the sake of you and Peter.” Despite the gloominess of your tone, Yukio gets a mischievous glint in her eye, it confuses you. But, that’s just Yukio. Her thoughts are all over the place; she and Ellie balance each other out that way. They dated a couple of years ago, but it didn’t work out. They decided they were better off as friends.

“Screw that other song, we’re using this as the lead single. Everybody’s gonna love it, do you have the sheet music?”

“Yeah, uh, it’s in my bag.”

“Awesome.” Yukio’s grinning like she’s won something. Is the song that good? “We’ll have to practice this one a lot, we definitely need to have it ready by the concert this Friday.”

Right. Liz’s 19th birthday party. Apparently Peter had convinced her to let the band play, it’d be cheaper than hiring a more established artist.

“Our first paying gig? I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” you remind her. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“We’re mostly gonna be playing covers of Liz’s favorite songs, and she only has so many. We’ve gotta beef up the setlist with originals, and this is perfect! Has that pop-y fun vibe, it’ll fit right in.”

“Yeah, but if it’s that obvious how I feel about her after one listen-”

“Only because I already had a hunch after Daft Pretty Boys,” Yukio clarifies cheerily, and you sigh.

“Fair enough.”

The gang makes it to Michelle’s house, travelling down to the side door and going into the basement from there. MJ’s parents have encouraged her creativity from day one, and were ecstatic when the band was formed. You speculate that they’re mostly happy that she’s made friends. Writing and photography can be lonely hobbies.

“Y/N has something new for us!” Yukio chirps.

“That fast?” Ned’s surprised as you hand him the sheet music. He skims it. “Holy shit, this is a wicked solo! Thanks, Y/N!”

“Well, I’m hoping highlighting everybody else’s talent will disguise my lack thereof,” you chuckle.

“Don’t be stupid, we’ve all heard you sing backup,” MJ says. “You’re Ryan Ross, she’s Brendon Urie. I’m just glad we booted her out before she decided she was gonna be the only pangolin in The Pangolins.”

Everyone laughs at that.

“Let’s try it,” Michelle continues, and everybody agrees. After a sound check and a few runs of the song, it’s still clumsy, especially on your part. You’re not really used to playing and singing at the same time, outside of backup vocals, which require far less focus.

“I suck,” you mumble, but it happens to be into the microphone.

“You don’t!” Ned insists.

“With that attitude, we’re not going anywhere,” Yukio says. You hate it when she gets to the tough love stage of her support. You wish she’d stay in the shallow reassurances stage, it’s easier to brush off. “You wouldn’t be the lead singer if we all thought you sucked. We would’ve just put an ad in the paper. You’re awesome, get over it!”

You sigh.

“Fine. Thank you.”

“Say it,” she insists.

“I’m awesome,” you huff, it’s hard not to smile when Yukio tries to look serious.

“Damn straight,” Yukio says. “Or, I guess not, considering that was about Ellie.”

“Yukio!” you squeal.

“That’s about Ellie?!” Ned exclaims.

“Obviously,” MJ scoffs, fiddling with her tuners.

“Is it that obvious?!” You can’t help but feel embarrassed. Ellie probably knows exactly how you feel, maybe that’s why she dislikes you so much. Her boyfriend’s stupid friend has a crush.

“Wait, but at the beginning…” Ned trails off, before laughing. “Oh my gosh, I get it.”

“Get what? Oh… Y/N, have I ever told you how much I love you?” MJ asks.

���I- I love you, too?” You’re puzzled by their words, but you’ve got enough on your plate.

“Let’s go ahead and practice some of Liz’s favorites while we’re here,” Yukio suggests. “It’s a pretty big set list.”

You practice until dinner, getting a pizza and deciding to make a night of it since it was a little late for Michelle to be dropping you all off at your assorted residences.

You all sleep on a pallet in the basement, and despite your worries, you manage to get some rest.

Over the next few days, The Pangolins practice at every free moment, until it’s finally time for the party.

“So, just pictures of everything?” Oh, shit. She’s not supposed to be here. How are you supposed to sing that song with her here?

“Yeah! I know with how many people are coming, I’m probably not going to get as much time as I want with everyone, so pictures will be a good way to remember the night.”

“Why not just invite less people?” Ellie wonders.

“I want all my friends to be here,” Liz explains. “How’s the sound check going, Y/N?”

“It’s going great,” you say into the microphone, demonstrating the quality and volume with a smile. “Thanks for letting us play here tonight.”

“Well, Peter said you guys are great. Are you really gonna debut your best song so far tonight?”

“Oh, um,” you stutter, stepping away from the microphone. “Maybe not.”

“What? Oh, come on, please, it’ll make the night even more special! You’re playing covers of all my old favorites, sing me my new favorite!” Liz presses, but she’s not being demanding or bratty, she seems genuinely excited.

“If the birthday girl says so, who am I to say no?” you concede. Hopefully Ellie will be too distracted taking pictures. “You have way too much faith in me.”

“If you don’t quit with the self-deprecation, I’m gonna duct tape your mouth shut,” MJ interjects.

“But, Daddy, how will I say my safe word?” you tease, giggling at your own joke with the rest of the group. Yukio’s laugh seems the loudest. Ellie glares.

“We should practice a song!” Ned suggests.

“Ooh, a private show!” Liz seems excited.

“Any requests?” you ask her. Ellie’s resting scowl intensifies. If she’s more pissed off the more you open your mouth, you’re not sure how she’s gonna survive a night of you singing without going nuclear.

“Oh, oh, Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne, please?”

“You’ve got it,” you agree.

The song goes smoothly.

“What happened to the old singer?” Ellie asks, clearly unimpressed.

“You didn’t tell her?” you ask Yukio, grateful for the excuse to turn away from the sharp-tongued girl you adore.

“Didn’t want her to get the wrong impression,” Yukio explains. “She already makes enough rude comments towards you.” Yukio leans over her drum kit to give Ellie a pointed look.

“Oh, wait, shit, I didn’t mean it like that. You, uh, sound good, Y/N.”

You can’t help but whip your head back to look at her with a flabbergasted expression.

“What?! It’s true,” Ellie defends herself.

“Uh, yeah, but you just said something nice. About me. Liz, do you mind checking her for a fever?”

Liz obliges for the sake of going along with the joke before quickly withdrawing her hand.

“Jeez! I know you were kidding, but she’s burning up,” Liz declares.

“My internal temperature is higher due to my mutation,” Ellie quickly explains, looking a bit bashful. “Besides, I say nice shit about Y/N all the time.”

“No, you don’t,” the whole band says in unison, including you.

“Well, clearly I shouldn’t if everyone’s gonna make a big fucking deal about it,” she retorts, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna go get some pictures of the decorations before there’s a bunch of fucking people here to block them.”

She stomps off in her heavy boots, and The Pangolins get back to work, putting on the final touches and making sure all the blocking looks right.

Soon enough, guests start flooding in, and Liz zips around to greet them, eventually meeting up with Peter and keeping him with her. He and Liz eventually pull Ellie away from her picture-taking, confident she’s done enough and needs to just relax and enjoy the party.

So much for distracting herself with work, she thinks.

They sit on the couch and eat, the dining room was monopolized by The Pangolins due to its elevation and space.

Ellie’s mesmerized by the way your fingers move until she hears Peter talking to Liz. They really are a cute couple.

“You really do need to hang out with us. Yukio told me Y/N thinks Ellie and I are a thing,” he says.

“Gross, you’re like my annoying little brother,” Ellie remarks.

“And you’re like my bitchy older sister,” Peter retorts with a shit-eating grin.

“Both of you, quiet! They’re about to play the new song. You’re in for a real treat, Ellie.”

“What does it have to do with me?”

Liz gives Peter a confused and slightly irritated look.

“I haven’t said anything to her, I didn’t know how,” Peter squeaks, blushing a little at the look in his girlfriend’s eyes.

“Explain, quickly,” Ellie demands.

But, then you start to sing again.

“Y/N-” Peter starts.

“Shut up.”

“But you asked-”

“I said, shut up,” Ellie insists.

“You know me as your boyfriend's goofy friend. I seem to have this effect on women, and your friends aren't as goofy as I am. I try my best to keep you entertained, always laughing at the jokes you are saying. I nod my head when you make a point, oh oh…

“Kiss me, kiss me with your eyes closed! Whisper that your heart shows all I want is you, yeah, you… Hold me, hold me I'm your bunny! Tell me I'm not funny, tell me I’m legit! ‘Cause I feel weak, in your hands and your feet… A precious end, I’ll never feel your touch…”

Ellie continues to listen to the song, all expression drained from her face. All the yearning in the words and your voice, all you want is…

Ellie looks at Peter, who’s looking at her with a triumphant smile.

“I told you.”

Ellie feels like she’s about to faint. She notices you’re talking to Liz— when did she leave? —your hand over your mic. Despite the knowledge that Liz is taken, Ellie gets jealous. You look so happy to be talking to Liz, to just about any girl you talk to.

She wishes you’d smile at her that way.

You nod at whatever Liz said, and the band starts packing away their instruments. Liz sets up her phone on some Bluetooth speakers, and songs that sounded so much better when you were singing them start to play.

No! Ellie internally protests. Sing for me again, please, sing that stupid song about how you think I don’t like you.

Yukio’s dragging you somewhere. Gosh, Ellie wishes it was her holding your hand.

Suddenly, though, you and Yukio are approaching her. She knows what she has to do.

“So, what’d you think of our- Eek! Finally!”

Ellie parts from the kiss to tell her to fuck off and not ruin the moment before kissing you again.

“Holy fucking shit,” you breathe. “Uh, I thought you were-“

“Dating Peter?! Seriously?! Do I need to write ‘dyke’ on my fucking forehead? I practically already have with the way I dress and act and-”

“I, uh, I try not to make assumptions,” you mumble, fingers touching your lips.

“I’m, uh, sorry for not asking.”

“No, it’s- It was good. I’ve wanted you to do that for a while. It’s just that that was the first time somebody’s kissed me, since, uh…” Your eyes dart to Yukio, who’s ruffling Ned’s hair and laughing.

“Yukio?!” Orange flickers in Ellie’s eyes for a moment, but she keeps it under control.

“No, no, of course not, uh… The old singer, Lola. She and Yukio were dating, but apparently I was the one she really had her sights on, and… She was entitled. Thought that because she wanted me, I must want her. That wasn’t really the case, I was already pining over you. Didn’t stop her from forcing a few kisses on me and trying to go further. If Yukio hadn't shown up early with cupcakes, I don’t know what would’ve happened.”

“I am such an asshole,” Ellie says softly. “Can I kiss you again? The right way.”

“I’d say what you did before was pretty right, but sure,” you consent.

Her kiss before had been rough, needy, and impatient. Just the way you like it. This, though, this is gentle, soft, and exploratory. You tangle your hands in her hair and kiss her harder. She moans into the kiss before pulling away, bewildered.

“That was…” Ellie trails off, trying to find a positive adjective that won’t sound to frilly or lovesick.

“A mistake, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, fuck, no. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she corrects you. “Just- Didn’t really know how. Even when you were kinda flirting with me at first, I just thought you were messing with me, so I- I am so stupid.”

“So am I,” you scoff. “I thought you were dating Peter.”

“I was spending a lot of time with him, but… I was just using him as an excuse to avoid you so I wouldn’t embarrass myself anymore. And I was asking him for advice. I figured if he could land somebody as far out of his league as Liz, maybe I stood the slightest bit of a chance with you. But I kept fucking it up. I’d just get so nervous, all of my compliments would turn into insults, all of my teasing turned into straight-up cruelty. I don’t know how you actually like me.”

“I’m a little bit of a masochist, I’ll admit,” you tell her. “I’m really glad you don’t hate me.”

“I’m really glad you don’t hate me,” Ellie replies, but she can’t help but think that what she‘s really saying is ‘I love you, too.’

She takes your hand, and you two rejoin your friends, swept up in a group hug. They wanted this to happen almost as much as you two did.