#because i've tried doing stuff that was just like. aesthetics with no context or anything Happening

[commodorez]

What is the appeal of vintage computers to you? Is it the vintage video games or is it the programs? If so, what kind of programs do you like to run on them?

Fair warning, we're talking about a subject I've been passionate about for most of my life, so this will take a minute. The answer ties into how I discovered the hobby, so we'll start with a few highlights:

I played old video games starting when I was 9 or 10.

I became fascinated with older icons buried within Windows.

Tried to play my first video game (War Eagles) again at age 11, learned about the hardware and software requirements being way different than anything I had available (a Pentium III-era Celeron running Windows ME)

I was given a Commodore 1541 by a family friend at age ~12.

Watched a documentary about the history of computers that filled in the gaps between vague mentions of ENIAC and punch cards, and DOS/Windows machines (age 13).

Read through OLD-COMPUTERS.COM for the entire summer immediately after that.

Got my first Commodore 64 at age 14.

I mostly fell into the hobby because I wanted to play old video games, but ended up not finding a ton of stuff that I really wanted to play. Instead, the process of using the machines, trying the operating system, appreciating the aesthetic, the functional design choices of the user experience became the greater experience. Oh, and fixing them.

Then I started installing operating systems on some DOS machines, or playing with odd peripherals, and customizing hardware to my needs. Oh, and programming! Mostly in BASIC on 8-bit hardware, but tinkering with what each computer could do is just so fascinating to me. I'm in control, and there isn't much of anything between what I write and the hardware carrying it out (especially on pre-Windows machines)! No obfuscation layers, run-times, .dlls, etc. Regardless of the system, BASIC is always a first choice for me. Nova, Ohio Scientific, Commodore, etc. I usually try to see what I can do with the available BASIC dialect and hardware. I also tend to find a game or two to try, especially modern homebrew Commodore games because that community is always creating something new. PC stuff I focus more on pre-made software of the era.

Just to name a few examples from a variety of systems: Tetris, terminal emulators, Command & Conquer titles, screen savers, War Eagles, Continuum, video capture software, Atomic Bomberman, demos, LEGO Island, Bejeweled clones, Commander Keen 1-3, lunar lander, Galaxian, sinewave displays, 2048, Pacman, mandelbrot sets, war dialers, paint -- I could keep going.

Changing gears, I find it funny how often elders outside of the vintage computing community would talk about the era I'm interested in (60s-early 90s). [spoken with Mr. Regular's old man voice]: "Well, computers used to be big as a room! And we used punch cards, and COBOL!" I didn't know what any of that meant, and when pressed for technical detail they couldn't tell you anything substantial. Nobody conveyed any specifics beyond "that's what we used!"

I noticed that gaps remained in how that history was presented to me, even when university-level computer science and history professors were engaged on the subject. I had to go find it on my own. History is written by the victors, yeah? When was the last time a mainstream documentary or period piece focused on someone other than an Apple or Microsoft employee? Well, in this case, you can sidestep all that and see it for yourself if you know where to look.

Experiencing the history first hand to really convey how computers got from point A to B all the way down to Z is enlightening. What's cool is that unlike so many other fields of history, it's near enough in time that we can engage with people who were there, or better yet, made it happen! Why do you think I like going to vintage computer festivals?

We can see the missteps, the dead-ends, the clunkiness, the forgotten gems and lost paradigms, hopefully with context of why it happened. For the things we can't find more information on, when or documentation and perspectives are limited, sometimes we have to resort to digital archeology, and reverse engineering practices to save data, fix machines, and learn how they work. The greater arc of computer history fascinates me, and I intend to learn about it by fixing and using the computers that exemplify it best, and sharing that passion with others who might enjoy it.

[bettsfic]

Do you have any preferred notebooks? Anything better than Moleskine which I don't think would be hard (!!??)... The ink bleeding through to the page behind is so distracting. Random question but I figured you'd be perfect to ask!! Thank you

i've been waiting my entire tumblrlife for this, anon. stationery is one of my most persevering special interests.

just to caveat, i still use a moleskine for my personal journal, but i only write in it once or twice a month so they tend to last years. i bought my current journal in 2017 before enshittification and so i haven't had a problem with the paper. i use a felt-tip pen on it mostly, but even the few times i've tried fountain pens, i haven't had any bleed-through. it's really unfortunate they've gone downhill.

and i mean, for context, i beat the shit out of my moleskines. and look how they've held up!

the one on the left i used from 2011 to 2017. it went all around the world with me and i carried it everywhere for 6 years. i taped every stupid scrap of paper i came across into it and that's why it's so beefy. the elastic band has stretched too far is all; i need to find something sturdier to keep it shut.

the one on the right i started in 2017 and i'm about 2/3rds through it. i tape some stuff in but not as much as i used to. at one point it was in my backpack in the overhead compartment of a plane and some guy's water bottle spilled all over it. i was devastated. but it slurped that shit up and kept trucking. you can't even tell it's waterlogged anymore.

my mom bought me a special edition van gogh moleskine for my birthday last year that i was planning to use for my next journal. i just tested the paper against the 2017 journal using a kaweco sport bold tip, and the van gogh paper does indeed bleed significantly more than the 2017 paper. a real shame. i'm probably still going to use it though, because i've kept the proud tradition of "use notebooks people buy me for my birthday as my next journal" since i was 14. also, i'll probably end up starting it when i'm 37, the age van gogh died.

last august marked my 20th anniversary of my journaling habit, btw. i was going to write a newsletter about it but it started spiraling into a whole-ass book and i had to set it down.

a close and higher quality alternative to moleskine, much beloved by bullet journalers, is leuchtturm. their A5 hardcover is very similar to the classic moleskine pictured above. i don't use one because i have no use for lie-flat notebooks for anything other than a personal journal (which is covered for the next decade or so), but i love buying them as gifts.

my commonplace notebook is the A4 rhodia top spiral, which i've mentioned in my newsletter before. there is something truly magical about this notebook. when i bought it, i carried it around with me everywhere even though i had no idea what to write in it. i started commonplacing before i even knew what that was, simply because the tactile and aesthetic sensation of filling each page was so satisfying. i go through 1-2 per year.

this isn't a notebook proper, but my research binders are B5 maruman clartes with their corresponding loose leaf paper. again, like the rhodia A4 top spiral, the sensation of writing on the paper and organizing the binder is very satisfying and so it encourages me to take a lot of notes.

maruman also makes the famously amazing mnemosyne series of notebooks. i haven't used one before but i really like them, and as soon as i need a high quality top spiral notebook that the A4 rhodia can't fulfill, that's what i'll be moving to.

my purse notebook is a field notes reporter's notebook. these are new so they haven't stood the test of time the way the others have, but i love the size and the binding, and afaik field notes is one of the few american stationery brands that hasn't fallen prey to a quality drop in paper. i also love field notes classic pocket notebook but have never been able to make a pocket notebook habit stick. it took me a long time to realize tiny notebooks don't encourage me to write in them, because a lot of my notebooking is about the thrill and aesthetic pleasure of seeing an overwhelming amount of text on a page.

my planner is a hobonichi techo weeks, which is the same size as the reporter's notebook and also goes in my purse. this is my first year using a hobonichi planner and i really love it. like the others, its quality encourages me to use it. i've found hobonichi overall is a really good notebook brand.

my sketchbook (which i don't use very much) is a strathmore 500 series mixed media softcover. i bought it before i realized how deterring i find lie-flat books and i think i would be more motivated to draw by investing in one of their wirebound ones, even though all the artists i follow on youtube tell you not to do that. i keep meaning to change it into a collage notebook instead, i just haven't had the time or desk space to do it.

and an honorable mention: before the pandemic, back when i did things and went places, i used a grand voyageur traveler's notebook from paper republic. i'm actually very sad i don't have much of a use for it anymore, but maybe one day i'll do stuff again and return to it. it's weird that i don't see paper republic mentioned often (ever) in bujo spheres, when i think their products are better than traveler's company (although i haven't tested one for a significant period of time; people swear by them though).

hopefully one or two of these stand out to you!

[sheydgarden]

Question: I am ethnically Jewish, though not culturally (complicated family history). I read your book on the roots of Antisemitic origins of Solomonic magic and wanted to ask:

If working with the Ars Goetia as entities themselves may be problematic: could reframing and restructuring the paradigms to re-imagine the listed demons and create new demons to work alongside be a better solution? I do enjoy the recent demonological work I’ve started but seeing some of the origins, it makes me wonder if my workings could be adjusted by basing my rituals in values I personally have and reframing it away from the work found in Solomonic Texts.

You had said in your Zine you yourself had worked to strip the Antisemitism from the Solomonic Imagery and parts of the practice and I was wondering if you had any advice on that process because I do find it fulfilling to ritually work alongside entities like this but am wondering how to do it in a better way?

hi! i'm gonna answer this one publicly so that i have something to refer folks to here when they ask me this same question (which i've gotten before), hope that's cool! also, apologies for the length of reply, but that's what happens when you open this particular box with me, haha.

i'm just gonna give it to you straight (and this is my opinion, of course, i know there are plenty who disagree with me! but you asked me) - i don't think there's anything you can do to "Solomonic" magic to render it not antisemitic. the antisemitism isn't a nasty veneer you can scrape off to get at some good stuff underneath - it's baked in. the entire premise of a book about a "powerful Jewish magician" who worked with Christian demons (who themselves are just a mish-mash of names & concepts from various cultures) is antisemitic. in the case of the Lesser Key specifically, we're talking about a book most likely written & distributed by Christian clergy (that's who had access to the education & tools required!) who were at the same time actively contributing to Jewish genocide. it's the foundation of the thing.

when i talk about my sigil artwork that uses grimoire-inspired imagery, i'm talking purely about holding onto an aesthetic, a visual language of lines. i can take out antisemitic visual signifiers easily because i'm only working with an image out of context. i don't think it's possible to remove antisemitism from the concept or the practice of Solomonic/ceremonial magic, at least not without completely altering it at its core - and then why bother basing anything on it at all? (i'm a Jew, not a western occultist, so i haven't tried)

i think really considering what exactly it is you've been getting out of this might make things clearer for you in terms of how you want to proceed. if it's the "Jewish" flavor, there's a whole world of actual Jewish folklore & mysticism, complete with demons of our own - you mention having Jewish ancestry, but not being culturally or religiously Jewish, so i would definitely recommend making a connection to Jewish community & learning a lot before you dive into any kind of Jewish spirituality. if it's just the concept of calling on entities via ritual work - why these? why not your own inventions? the demons listed in the Lesser Key were pretty much invented during the Renaissance, even if some of their names come from older sources. occultists combined, embellished & invented them to fit into a Christian theology, using a faux-Jewish origin story in order to lend them both more credibility (in a time when Jews were literally equated with demons!) and some spicy exoticism. i'm pretty baffled as to why so many folks still want to base a spiritual practice on that, beyond the fact that they're considered cool and/or sufficiently edgy if you grew up Christian.

if i'm being more blunt here than i was in the zine, it's because we're solely in "personal opinion" territory, and my honest opinion is that whatever folks find enjoyable about ceremonial magic could be better put to use in a framework that leaves Judaism alone entirely (and either honestly calls itself Christian - which it historically is - or creates a new cultural/religious system to operate under). i hope this was helpful - thanks for taking the time to read it!

[wutheringmights]

I have to provide some context for this one.

Once a year, some friends and I get together to put on a big powerpoint night. We go hard for these. I usually do a big presentation where I analyze a piece of media. I put a lot of effort into doing the research for these. I once did one on eugenics rhetoric/ideology in My Hero Academia, for context.

This year, I want to do a presentation that tackles the antisemitism and fascist ideology in Attack On Titan. Naturally, this required research. A couple of weeks ago, I was reading an article on Polygon when I read that Attack On Titan has a YA novel spin-off. Not a light novel translated into English. A YA romance novel written by an American author published in English for American audiences.

Huh, I thought. You guys can probably tell by some of my reading choices that I deeply enjoy putting myself through some god-awful books (primarily YA). And one that's a tie-in to an anime I love being a hater for? Sign me up.

I bought myself a used copy and read it the moment it came in the mail.

That's all the context you need. Now that I've covered my ass, let's talk about what I actually think about Garrison Girl by Rachel Aaron.

It's not the worst thing I've ever read. The prose is overall decent, and I can appreciate that the main character has a pretty clear character arc. The best contribution Aaron made to the Attack On Titan series as a whole is a section towards the beginning where she takes about 2-3 pages to just describe how grotesquely horrifying the Titans are. I always thought the Titans were more funny-looking than anything, so this was a much needed improvement.

Everything else... ugh. Where do I start?

First off, the romance with male lead Jax drove me nuts. On paper, it's probably okay. Aaron put in a lot of effort to make sure they started off hating each other before slowly falling in love. Unfortunately, I really don't like Jax as a character. He annoys the hell out of me, and there was one too many times where he forced the main character, Rosalie, to apologize for something she did not need to apologize for.

The plot is largely episodic, theoretically tied together by Rosalie's character arc. By itself, it just feels like a slightly boring set-up for a larger series. It's fine. Some of the antagonistic characters were too cartoonishly evil for my taste, but it at least works. Having a plot that works is a surprisingly tall order, so I will give Aaron credit for that.

But in context of being a story that ties into Attack On Titan...

Attack On Titan is very good at being self-important. It is a very stupid story with some glaring writing flaws that can hide its issues under the veneer of depth and complexity. As long as you do not think about Attack On Titan too hard, it is a fine watch. Then it started including things that you HAVE to think about like eugenics and persecution, and it becomes glaringly obvious that the author has no real idea how any of this stuff works and only cares about the aesthetics of war.

None of that is in Aaron's book. On one hand, THANK GOD. On the other, this doesn't feel like it fits in with anything in the anime. Where are the gruesome, meaningless deaths? Where are the characters waxing poetry over their moral choices? Where are characters doing batshit things that can only be described as "cool as balls"? Aaron tries to squeeze some of this towards the end, but that still means reading 200 pages of lighthearted military exploits.

This just feels ill-conceived.

I have never read anything else by Aaron, but from a quick perusing of her Good Reads account, I don't think I would have picked her to write this. In her Reddit AMA, she says she took the project because she's a big fan of the show. Good for her, but I don't think she did a good job at making something that fits with the show.

But any Attack On Titan tie-in shouldn't be written for teens. An older target demographic would have opened the doors for a lot more of the anime's signature flairs.

I just think the very existence of this book is fascinating. Every time I check out the YA section at B&N, I always see more novels that are part of bigger non-book franchises: Disney princesses, Avatar the Last Airbender, Marvel comics. Whoever decided in ~2016 that American publishing should try to go anime was ahead of their time.

Yet, it seems like this book didn't do well enough to generate a trend. I haven't seen any other anime novels. But anime is more popular and more mainstream than it has ever been. Surely, another attempt will come.

Yet, Attack On Titan is a last of its kind. While anime is hugely popular, none of the big series now are the same ubiquity that early Attack On Titan did. Do you remember 2013 when the show first came out? Everyone was watching it, even non-anime fans. Many of the articles I read credit it as jumpstarting Crunchyroll. They also say that it's the perhaps the last property that every weeb could be expected to have working knowledge of, much like everyone's latent knowledge of Shonen Jump's old Big Three. There is so much variety and options at this point that weebs aren't watching all the same shows anymore. It's the last titan of an old age of anime fandom.

I don't know if anyone will ever attempt a novel tie-in again. Should it happen, then this is a strange, ill-conceived product ahead of its time. Should it not, then this is the most unique and strange attempt to profit off of a mainstream anime.

I hope Alex Aster writes a novel for Naruto. That's the good ending.

[stellarvisionary]

Over the years, there have been a lot of geeky hobbies that have been gatekept from me, either on purpose, through ignorance, or by my own limitations.

When I was in high school (like Freshman or Sophmore year) there was a group of Senior-year guys on the track team who played Magic: The Gathering. I was just in the beginnings of my fantasy phase, having been reading the Narnia Chronicles, and getting into reading The Hobbit on my own, so the aesthetics of the game and the abstract of the mechanics were fascinating to me. I used to watch them play whenever we were at a meet but weren't actively running, and I asked several times if one of them would teach me the game, and they always turned me down (and a few of them outright bullied me for even daring to ask). Ever since then, I lost all taste for the game, and now it's so far advanced of what I tried to learn 30 years ago that I haven't dared try again.

Then there was the Settlers of Catan card game. I was at a small card gaming convention, and a guy was demoing the game for people. I decided to try it out, and the guy was pulling off moves and not explaining how he did them and in what context, such that when I would try to do something similar on my own turns, he'd tell me that I couldn't. Just...didn't bother actually explaining anything or making any of his more advanced moves make sense. Put me off of that kind of stuff forever too.

Finally, there's Guitar Hero, and Rock Band to a slightly lesser extent. It's not nearly as common as it was 20 or so years ago, but there was once a time that if you traveled in geek circles, you couldn't get away from those games. Everyone played them, to the point that they were treated as a social activity. One person started playing, which would attract others and turn it into a social event of it's own. I have a distinct memory of the day before I traveled with a group of friends to an out-of-state convention, of hanging out at one of their houses, waiting for things to happen, and the girl hosting suggested we boot up Guitar Hero while we waited. I'd never played the game before and mentioned as much, so I was allowed to go through the tutorial to see how the game played. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have difficulty with my hand-eye coordination and trying to do different tasks with each hand, so...I couldn't even get through the damn tutorial. I remember the sheepish look on the girl's face as I crashed and burned in the tutorial, and her conciliatory "Um...we have Kingdom Hearts 2?" Then there was Rock Band, which I did okay at as long as I was on the easiest difficulty, and was relegated to vocals, drums, or bass. I played with a guy who purposely played a song on a higher difficulty while I was on drums, because he knew I wouldn't be able to keep up.

I've fought and struggled to belong my entire life. Like...my main goal in life in general has been to belong, to feel welcomed and appreciated despite my shortcomings. I thought I'd found my people when I started finding geeks to hang with, until I realized that even geeks, through malice or ignorance or ableism, are as exclusionary as the normies I tried as a child to fit in with.

[numetaljackdog]

I see your point and I'm really willing to agree with most of what you're saying. I admit that dubstep was a kind of meme answer. But if you're really willing to talk about this, then I have to say I simply disagree.

First of all I'm not trying to objectively present anything here. Art is a form of communication and as such can only be perceived subjectively. There is no objective to criticize art. Period.

That being said, you can absolutely apply hierarchy to this if you really wanted to. For example NSBM is a genre. Nazi Black Metal. Because of the statements of this genre, the participants and the aesthetic. It is inherently worth less than other forms of music. Especially since it tries to put other art down. The music itself does have a merit for its target audience and it does reach its intended purpose.

I fully understand where you're coming from with statements like this, because I used to think like this as well, but especially your focus on genres as set categories instead of loose relatives of similar roots and styles, is unhealthy, I think.

for sure this all gets hugely into subjective-land - i think that's pretty inevitable when discussing the rhetoric around anything. i've got my opinion about how we should talk about art, you've got yours, everyone's got theirs, such is how it goes. and i'll grant you that i probably do place too much value in genres as rigid categories! i just love to sort things, i'll admit it. but at the same time, these trends in the creation of music are still "real," in whatever sense one wants to accept, because the music itself is real and we can observe the patterns that exist within what we label as genres. if we stop accepting genres as something we can engage with as though they were more than just a name and a vague gesture, then the whole conversation has to switch to a much smaller scale where we talk about individual artists or even individual releases and the context around them, which can be valuable in its own right but is a different ballgame than the one we've been playing here. my argument is that we shouldn't criticize art by generalizing one genre to be inherently worse than another because it's reductive and unfair. that's all. the nuance that exists within discussion of any given genre remains untouched by my statement and equally as valuable as it would be under any other framework of viewing these topics.

as for NSBM...... that's tough. certainly it's a repulsive thing that exists, and i want to really stress that fact because of what i'm about to say next. so. FUCK ALL NAZIS FUCK ALL FASCISTS. to be clear. now, if we imagine my framework here, where all genres are, when observed in a vacuum, value-neutral with equal potential to produce good music and bad music, then that must include NSBM, right? and unfortunately, it does. because, as we agree, the evaluation and critical analysis of art is necessarily subjective, regardless of whether it's done on the level of the individual or by consensus. so despite the fact that ideologically NSBM is reprehensible, it is possible for a band in the genre to produce a record with a lot of technical skill and passion, and for someone to evaluate that record (again, subjectively) as being "good," if that person happened to be a shithead. evaluation of NSBM (and in fact the genre's existence in the first place) is not a damnation of the genre, because again the issue here is scale as well as subjectivity. it's instead a damnation of the broader political climate and like, the existence of vice within mankind, which is perhaps the most necessary thing out of any of this stuff to have discussions about, but is decidedly outside of the range of topics that i feel qualified to have a full intelligent conversation about in public.

[cloudyestcat]

The toxicity of the "that girl" trend + lifestyle to my particular brand of neurodivergence

(possibly yours too; can you relate?)

I have some major issues with routines. I've discussed this before but basically what with medical and other types of trauma, even "basic" self-care is hard to do without flashbacks and so I already used to avoid it a lot (not really as much anymore; I have more tools now to cope).

But I'm also neurodivergent. And that comes (for me and many other people) with executive functioning issues of its own. In my case, sensory issues get in the way a lot, and I used to have a lot of trouble transitioning from one task to another (I'll tell y'all more about that in another post).

But basically:

Moralizing/placing moral values on habits and executive functioning skills

Same for a lot of content that falls under the "productivity" and/or "academic motivation" content

Emphasizes consistency when fluctuation is part of the human condition and nobody can be at 100% all the time (most people can't even be at 100% most of the time)

Puts a lot of pride in productivity and tends to shame people for resting or relaxing in any way (besides a self-care day, which is fine, especially if it's aesthetic) when neurodivergent people may need more rest than neurotypical people do when following similar schedules

Praises early birds and subtly shames night owls (honestly this happens in society in general and I don't like it)

Very easily misinterpreted and applied out of context

A specific routine with specific time slots and foods and aesthetics makes it very hard for this literal thinker to incorporate the routines

Not to mention that these routines are incredibly unrealistic for most people going to school or working during regular school or business hours (which was impossible for me to understand at the time due to time-nearsightedness)

Also, back when I was into That Girl content, there were a lot of time-based routines that I tried, but time-based routines give me massive anxiety and ended up triggering me really badly to the point where I regressed

Promoting a consumerist mentality

Most of the people doing That Girl content are wealthy and can afford for everything to look aesthetic whereas when I tried to do that I went broke 😭

It seems you can't be That Girl when you can't afford/don't want to live somewhere super aesthetic and have everything look a certain type of way

Subtle yet still toxic promotion of hustle culture

Resting, especially rest involving screens, is subtly (and not so subtly) shamed

When this neurodivergent person struggling with

sensory issues

fatigue

executive dysfunction

mental health issues

tried to do the That Girl stuff, it ended with me not getting anything done because I hyperfocused on That Girl videos and forgot to shower. It made me feel SO MUCH WORSE about myself! This was before I knew that I'm neurodivergent, so I didn't have the tools I needed to build a routine (which I was massively and desperately struggling with) and I was just looking for some inspiration. But that was the wrong place to look.

[void-star]

writing ask game!! 4, 22, 24 >:3

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Oh this one's difficult, cause it's usually the context or the action that makes me go feral. Any word can be evocative with the right sentence and the right emphasis.

I'm going to say "mouth." Because the kind of stuff I like to read and write, if that's where we are looking at for a character than we are doing things that make me blush.

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

Oh lord. I have tried to be very organized and it just doesn't work out for me.

I have scrivener for the hope that one day I will actually write a novel manuscript (for now, its serves as a place to collect my finished work) and I use Google Docs for anything I'm writing across different devices.

I do most of my writing inside FocusWriter because it cuts out on distractions and I can use custom themes that fit what I'm writing (the aesthetic really helps me get into the mood of the story).

I use a paper notebook to rework scenes that I'm either indecisive about or editing, or to play with technical elements of writing that won't ever end up in a story.

I really just run off of pure vibes over here. I've tried corkboards and notecards and planners, I just can't stick to them.

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

Generally not a lot of prep, but I am trying to build myself up to write a whole novel. I can't stick to any rigid outline because the writing itself won't be fun and exploratory for me. I usually write a skeleton right into the document that gives me the information I'll need when I get to those scenes later.

I don't really enjoy planning very much. I need my own writing to be exciting to me, which means I like to get into a scene and then feel it out and see how the flow goes.

This is probably... because I got started by text post roleplaying, so considering carefully how each characters thinks, feels, and reacts is an important part of my process.

But you do need some kind of plan, something to work towards, or else the piece dies.

[dzpenumbra]

11/20/22

Just coming out of Dan Corrigan's new video. My mind was kinda wandering trying to figure out what Max has been trying to tell me, but I caught the end of the video and he was talking about taking an entire day to practice pushing switch. Which is like... yes. Yes! That's how you learn. There's really no way around it, and throwing yourself into it (when you're stable and supported enough to handle if something goes wrong) and just getting used to how this new thing feels is really the only way forward. In any skill, in any field, with anything honestly.

Like that was a big theme of today, I guess. How learning stuff is about putting in the hours and just getting used to how a new thing is integrating into your life. And being awkward with it and getting frustrated and all that. That's part of it too, obviously. For me today, that was LittleTiles. It's a mod for Minecraft, a competitor to Chisels and Bits. If you're not familiar, both mods let you break minecraft blocks down into pixel-sized mini-blocks, which you can then combine to make your own custom creations. For a creative, this is solid gold. And LittleTiles even lets you make custom doors and usable furniture and shit too. And it lets you do like... ramps. Like angles. It's pretty nuts, a real game-changer. I spent the first bit of the day getting used to LittleTiles in what I was adopting as my new digital Zen garden. I did a lot of shaping of the shore along a pond I made, and I rounded the trunks of two trees. It started looking much better, and I learned a LOT about this mod and its capabilities. But I got an itch. I wanted Dynamic Trees. I didn't want to re-shape these trees to make them aesthetically realistic trees. I wanted these trees to be alive. Once I tried Dynamic Trees, I really can't go back.

So I deleted the world and the modpack and installed a custom modpack. Biomes O Plenty, Chisel, Dynamic Trees, JourneyMap, Dynamic Lights, Dynamic Surroundings, Serene Seasons, Chisels and Bits. I'm sure I'm missing something, but that was the bulk of it. Notice that LittleTiles isn't on there. Well... the most up to date version of MC they have that patched to is 1.12. I'm sorry, but I'm not going back. I was on 1.10 and 1.12 since like... 2017. The new versions are much more optimized, I feel. Maybe it's the new computer, I don't know, but the newer versions - with all their pitfalls - just seem to run much much cleaner. So I decided to just go back to old faithful, Chisels and Bits. So I "learned LittleTiles for nothing" today. But now, if people ever want to like play on the Minecraft server I set up and for some stupid blindly optimistic reason keep paying for... I can put that on there and use it much more confidently, having at least 2 hours experience in it.

If you want to learn something new, just fucking do it. If it's dangerous... maybe be supervised... but you know what I mean. If you want to learn harmonica? Don't just not buy one because you're worried about sounding bad. Who the fuck picks up a mouth-harp and plays goddamn Moonlight Sonata first try? That's Hollywood shit, or at most generous just someone with a lot of experience with mouth-based instruments. There are a lot of jokes I could make there, I'm just going to leave that to your imagination. The only way you get good at an instrument, an artistic medium, a craft, a trade, is by doing. By practicing. Theory is nice and helpful and gives context, but you have to apply it or else it's just remains a fun article you read one day, or a YouTube video you watched.

For me, that was polishing stones (among many other things). I've always wanted to have more since I was a kid, I loved rock collections! I was always curious how they got them so shiny and so smooth. And after several decades, I finally reconnected with that curious child through my artistic explorations, and I started researching. I learned about tumblers, and wet-saws, and cerium oxide, and diamond polishing compounds, and sanding pads, and lapidary wheels. I started by going "hey, this rock is cool, I'd like to incorporate it into a sculpture or like some sort of hand-crafted wand or something." And after chasing that rabbit off and on for a few years now, I now have a giant pile of quartz chunks on my floor, many are like... pure glass clear.

My art has, for the longest time, been about reclaiming objects, taking the mundane and the overlooked, the everyday things you don't even notice, and making them fucking beautiful. That's really the core of like... all of my work. It bloomed from graffiti. That's where I got my start as a visual artist. I'm sure my profile picture doesn't indicate that, but that's where I really embraced art and started to see it as more than just... drawing things I liked the look of. It was like... an act of transformation. If that makes sense? Like... how I would transform my front yard into a skatepark every winter for snowskating, hand-packing ramps and smoothing landing areas. Graffiti was really just taking bland, boring spaces that were basically just... nothing. Blank canvases. And painting something on them. Like how a skateboarder looks at an everyday set of stairs and just starts seeing gaps and stalls and flip tricks and slides.

But me... my work has always taken time. And I really don't like the idea of being a criminal. It hits a bit too home for me, and I don't like feeling not safe. That rush is not one I enjoy. I know some do, many do, but for me it doesn't bring good feelings. So my graffiti spark was redirected into notebooks, onto clothing, onto my skin. I literally drew a half-arm sleeve on my left arm and hand pretty much every day in ballpoint pen. I'd constantly be drawing on my pants too, since I had to draw on them anyway to get the oil unstuck out of the roller ball on my pens. I tried to find the exact pen I used to use, I couldn't remember what it was called. (Editing while reading this back: they were called Uni-ball Vision Elite, the white and black ones) I went through so many of those damn things. And when they forced me to switch mediums because they didn't offer Drawing as a focus at my college... yep... and I kept going there... I painted on cardboard, and pieces of scrap wood I found around, and sheets of luaun (I guess it's called) that were just kinda... around the studio. I just really didn't like working on canvases I guess, or I just didn't wanna shell out the cash, I don't know the reasons, I had money to spend... I just felt compelled.

I've always felt... compelled. And I feel like it's my job to let the creative compulsions, my Muse, guide me. My gut knows best with these things, and I'm seeing this trend of rejuvenating and beautifying things as like... my calling. And I keep getting people trying to fucking talk me out of it! Or convince me to give up. Like for fuck's sake, almost every person I know... their entire purpose in life is to like... make money. Like 75% of their energy goes into that, and then they figure out what to do with the money. Like... don't we have enough people doing that? Can't I like... make cool shit instead? And I'm just like... I know I'm super lucky to be privileged enough to even have these thoughts - which is a symptom of an extremely unhealthy society, by the way, when brainstorming your own life purpose and trying to find ways to bring that purpose to fruition is perceived as like... an act of defiance or something, like rebellion. It's weird... But like... I feel absolutely blessed to have found my purpose. And I found it at a really young age. And I've been committing fully to it for a very long time. It's really brought me so many gifts, it's hard for me to even put into words, and I hope others that I know get to feel that feeling too. That feeling of like... "oh, I'm the guy that takes normal everyday things and makes them into something really beautiful" "I'm the guy who writes stream-of-consciousness poetry" "I'm the guy who draws his dreams" To truly know yourself, and love yourself, and get a smile on your face when you think about yourself being able to be yourself.

I had a really interesting thought the other day about like... this whole social media publicity stuff for art. I 100% feel like I'm wasting my time when I do it. Like that time could be spent making cool things, or doing research. I don't want to be on fucking Instagram all day. But if I'm not, the algorithm won't push my shit. It's fucked up. I was briefly talking to an Instagram artist on Etsy today after I bought one of his (?) paintings and requested alternative shipping. USPS literally bent a folder that had a "Do Not Bend" sticker on it, shoved it in my mailbox and ruined a signed thing from Devin Townsend. Fuck them violently with a cactus outdoors in the winter. The artist mentioned not getting as much reach on Instagram lately. I figured they probably weren't as active on the site, because they were probably busy working on a cool new project. But guess what?! Instagram punishes you for not being active on their platform. So the less time you put into your work, and the more time you spend socializing on Instagram, the more likely you will be seen. Figure that shit out. I didn't talk their ear off about it, but I might mention that I'm an artist too, they seemed down to chat at length, I just... don't want to make it weird? I guess? I'm anxious. I said it. Even though they initiated, I'm still anxious.

So yeah, the quartz. So I decided after taking a break from Minecraft, before the decision to do a custom modpack... I decided to do some wooden beads. I went out to my old fire pit that has not been used once in 5 years because I don't have any friends, despite the fact that I love making fires. I looked through sticks there and found some candidates. And underneath, I found a piece of veined quartz in sandstone that I got at a local spot that was a notorious vein of smoky quartz. There were no obvious big pieces, it was like... scrap that people left over. I hadn't wanted to go through the trouble of digging through it, I had tossed it. Quite literally.

I brought the big puppy in. I tried to get the sticks to work and... I was struggling. Some were too thin, some were too angled. I cut some blanks, probably about... 10? And as I went to start woodturning... my dremel died. Like... take a hint? XD

So I plugged in the dremel, popped my safety glasses on, made a cup of tea, grabbed my rock hammers and proceeded to beat the shit out of this rock for 4 hours while listening to a YouTuber named Crecganford, who I highly recommend if you're at all into ancient mythology, language origins or just like super ancient primitive culture stuff. Really fucking crazy, cutting edge theories on the origins of myths and culture, going back to like... 75,000 BC and shit. Absolutely nuts. Great ambience to break big chunks of quartz to.

Most of the quartz was naturally fractured, I spent the time breaking big pieces into smaller pieces along any visible fault lines, trying to preserve the big well shaped pieces the best I could. There are a fuck ton of pieces of quartz in my carpet right now, which... isn't ideal... but I just started vacuuming them... so... that's a thing. Probably not great for the vacuum... but... better that than my feet. And no way in fuck I'm breaking rocks outside right now, it's like 30 degrees!

So I got about halfway through that rock and I have about 25 pieces of varying quality. Some is pure glass, some is a bit milky, some has what look like striations or streaks in it. Some still have fractures and I'm just waiting to get better tools to do smaller-scale shaping. But that was a massive influx of material to make jewelry out of that was just sitting in the firepit, that I would have easily just left here forever. It probably would've ended up thrown in the pond. All because of an impulse, and because I took the time to take the risk of learning how to break, shape and polish stones. So, going full-circle, I went from wanting to put cool stones into my carved wooden walking stick... to actually considering apprenticing as a gem cutter. If not for an actual job as like a fancy jeweler or something, just to have access to the equipment and learn the craft to add it to my set of tools/mediums for making beautiful things from found objects. And now I have over half a dozen faceted minerals, with a pile of at least 8 new ones sitting on the table ready to be shaped.

And I have to worry about my social media presence and shit. When all I want is to sand stones, and weave, and write, and record music, and wire-wrap, and there isn't enough time to do any of it! That's what frustrates me.

Anyway. That was most of my day. My Zen garden was wiped, and I started a new one with Dynamic Trees and got good work done on it. It looks cool and I'm excited to see how it evolves, I'll share screenshots as it starts to take shape a bit more. Now I need to go to bed because my whole sleep schedule reset thing is... well, it's after 3 so... yeah. I'm out.

[kayvsworld]

ok so i’m lowkey justifying potentially trying to make a little tiny comic as an Academic Pursuit since i’m taking a class on comics so like...it wouldn’t have to be good or part of a larger thing it can just be one page or a couple of panels to start and that will be all? also i’ll get to draw my new kids,,,,hmmmm

[chiegaming]

Little Ghost DEMO (itch/Steam, 2021)

For how much the ways and methods we consume and navigate art and information for the past dozen-ish years, there hasn't been much of anything that tries to convey how it feels, the sporadic multitasking and constant taking in of data on top of whatever background noise we put on top of that, most of our senses are taking things in constantly just because we can let them. It's easy to forget what would be an incomprehensible mess of chaotic jargon is routine for a good chunk of us now, show this to a victorian child etc etc, it's practically on the same level of dissonance as an infant's understanding of the world compared to an adult's, only, the latter is still very new when taking all of human history into account.

Little Ghost's first couple hours (and undoubtedly the rest of the game when it comes out) are a very notable and unique exception.

Little Ghost ascribes itself as a metroidvania about platforming as opposed to combat, which is certainly the quickest way of describing it in Gamer terms, but there's quite a bit more going on here.

It's hard to find a definitive catch-all slogan to describe it because it feels like so much. It's like a Knytt Stories-esque exploration through a massive spread-out collage scrapbook with knickknacks and artifacts from seemingly every and any art period. It took me until I looked further into it to realize the more modern stuff were cameos from other indies because they fit in that well. It reminded me a lot of how it felt playing LittleBigPlanet 2 as a kid with little to no context to the references and callbacks it kept making to art movements and aesthetics, accompanied with a licensed soundtrack that spanned so many genres and time periods. All you can really do from that perspective is take in what it evokes in you, in the case of LBP 2, those feelings further solidified my faith in video games as an instrument of communication, of expressing and remixing ideas that have been around for potentially centuries and recontextualize it to make it accessible and open to nerdy PlayStation kids. I'll definitely have to write a proper thing on LBP someday but that's the gist.

It was actually around the time I had started thinking back on it that I unlocked a podcast with Negativland's Mark Hosler on copyright law and his time doing stuff with the band. I kinda had to step back a bit to process it because it was just so surreal.

One of the biggest, most influential groups of my adolescence (who are literally all about recontextualizing media and art to make their own statements and works) were in a game that was both doing the exact same thing alongside its own unique art and asset, but was also overwhelmingly reminding me of when the exact same thing had been done a decade ago with the same floaty platforming.

This might sound dramatic but it really did feel like most of my inspirations were coming together in this game that I just randomly stumbled across, and not in an intellectual property crossover way, like an ideological one. It's obviously not the most unlikely meshing of inspirations and ideas, but it's hard not to feel a serious understanding with what it's going for by fusing all this together into its own piece of work with this synergized of a balance between original and Stolen™ assets.

While I do really want to keep just finding more ways to gush about this game's open-ended nature, the way ideas and stories form naturally in your head while wandering around finding more art to look into, there are a couple of fairly major issues. The controls are real slippery, and not in a way that feels intended by design. Maybe it's just a controller sensitivity issue but Ghost would keep turning to the left the moment I let go of a direction and it looks a little jank, particularly while moving right. It also threw me off a bit how hard and tight-knit the level design is, I've been playing platformers most of my life but even this had some tough bits. It doesn't jive well with the vibes that I presumed were a lot more relaxed than this, on top of deaths (and in-game sound effects in general) being pretty loud and cutting through whatever you put on in the background. It's not great, it feels like a particularly harsh punishment for messing up which I guess I can understand if that's the intent but it's not very nice either way.

Overall though, I can't pretend it hasn't been on my mind since. (been 3 days since I played as of this writing) I only did half of everything there is in the demo but what I got resonates a lot with me still. It felt like getting into a big Wikipedia rabbit hole or aimlessly wandering around a library. For how much there is to take in and how much you know you'll never have the time to get around to, it is very affirming to know a lot of our past as weird art-creating creatures still serves the foundation of so many things in and outside of its own niches. It's easy to forget the value of everything we create when it's so often having to be made under awful constraints. (or worse, algorithms) You forget it's out there and people will see it and it might earnestly change them, for better or worse, in mild or life-changing ways. Ways sometimes strong enough that it becomes material itself, to be used and replicated in more literal ways than copyright wants to allow.

Our ancestors are probably a little weirded out by the extent we actively steal and rip each other off (a lot of artists now are still weird about it despite at least half of our current output being directly transformative works) but it'd be nice to see the day where it's all a legal, global standard, even if that'll make it less cool to do. We're in a weird spot right now law wise that's on the verge of changing drastically again but I want to be optimistic. There's certainly no way we're gonna have a mass exodus on Amen break samples or vaporwave albums with stolen Sailor Moon screencaps for covers.

We've already developed too many subcultures and aesthetics that revolve around this fundamental aspect of creation to have it just disappear, it's as embedded in us as art from any past generation and will only continue to be more so in time. The only real question left is to figure out what you want to do with it.

Steam

itch

[a-froger-epic]

oh gods help me, there's this boy, and we've become really good friends, and if my life were a movie we'd be dating by now, I'm sure XD

(also btw for context I'm afab, she/they)

He's very nice, has great taste, and all the factors point to "Perfect Romantic Partner", I mean-

• we showed each other poetry we've written and it was really great, (and that was literally only our second interaction ever)

• He has good fashion sense, loves thrifting, loves that I love thrifting, and we now have a deal that if we find cool vintage clothes in each other's size we'll buy it for each other (which works well because we're actually about the same size and I wear men's clothing a lot anyway)

• not to sound shallow, but he is quite aesthetically attractive. and he has an actual skincare routine (I mean, the bar is so low, but still)

• he's into photography and wants to show me how he develops film & all that stuff, which sounds super cool

• We've stayed up until nearly 2 in the morning discussing art and history and music- his favorite musician of all time is Tchaikovsky- I recommended Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet and THEN HE ACTUALLY LISTENED TO IT

• and most of all HE'S REALLY SUPPORTIVE OF MY SONGWRITING AND MUSIC AND I JUST- SKDGSKSHSKSKAKS

and I just think he's a really really interesting person and I just really want to be friends with him, and I don't want him to take that interest the wrong way...

...and part of me wonders why I feel that way??? Because, my goodness, if there's any boy on earth I should date, he fits the bill. But I'm just... not at all attracted to him in that way.

And I catch myself thinking, "Maybe I could be??? if I tried??" which is probably not how one is supposed to go about these things 😬

And the thing is, I generally call myself bisexual, but I've never officially dated anyone so I'm not 100% committed to that label and especially this past year I've started just going with "queer" bc I really just don't fuckin know at this point-

and it's probably ridiculous to be like "well if I'm not attracted to this one specific man I must not be attracted to men" but....

I am attracted to him, just not in a sexual way, and not really in a romantic way (I think)... but I don't know how to explain that to him, hell, I can't even explain it to MYSELF, so it's just... never brought up

and I'm worried one day it's gonna come out that he thinks we've been practically dating for a while, but I've thought we're just friends, and basically it's just this whole mess.

idk why I'm dumping this all on you, but it seems like in part of your fanfic one of the characters had a similar issue at one point??? (I haven't read DoA yet, forgive me if I'm wrong, just going off of vague memory of posts/asks i've seen) but even if not, you just seem really good with advice, and I know you're a good writer... maybe I just wish you could write me a happy ending... 😅

I'm sorry, I know that's a lot... you don't have to answer right away, or even at all, but I just needed to tell SOMEONE

Hey anon, I've been there.

When I got out of a 6 year relationship at the age of 22, first thing I did was go on a date with someone I met online. This was before tinder, so it was a forum and his post read "Geek Guy seeks Geek Girl" and I was like: "It meee!"

Anyway, we exchanged some emails, we had everything in common when it came to shows, film and literature we loved. We got on like a house on fire. On paper, this guy was the perfect partner for me. Literally, just wonderful.

We went on a date. He was the nicest, sweetest guy and we talked all night and we had such a great time.

I felt 0 romantic/physical attraction. Nada. It was like talking to my beloved twin brother, if I'd had one. I went on another date with him to be sure, and then called him before the 3rd date to tell him I was very sorry but the spark just wasn't there for me.

He was crushed. I mean, he cried on the phone, he was absolutely distraught. But what was I going to do? Anything else would've just been leading him on. He kept asking "What's changed?" and I was like "Nothing... I'm just... not feeling it, I'm really sorry."

Then I had three brief flings (and some really great sex) with two guys and a girl I had almost nothing in common with but felt crazy attracted to, before I met another guy who shared my interests and gave me butterflies.

So, all I'm saying is, it be like that sometimes. There's really nothing you can do, other than set boundaries. If your friend tries to make a move, you'll have to explain that you like him a lot, but the right feelings just aren't there for you.

It's not easy, and it might hurt the other person, but that's the way it is.

[filthyjanuary]

I've never seen an episode of supernatural all I see is what's on your blog and each and every day I become more confused about the writing of the show and why people enjoy it :l

okay well first off i am SO sorry you have to see me like this jknbuvgyuhjn i cannot believe im spnblogging in 2020 like im 15 again but things happen i guess.

second of all, the thing to know about supernatural is.... i think, for general audiences, it is an average-to-good show. it's not Bad. It's not Beloved and/or Acclaimed. objectively, i think is also probably the most balanced view of the show and is also probably what the cw and/or people who worked on the show see it as. it lasted 15 years because it consistently pulled in reliable numbers for the cw and grabbed a lot of demographics. like i know the tumblr bubble skews perceptions but, people of all ages, genders, sexualities watched and enjoyed supernatural, yes even to the very end. most people are also not looking at supernatural with the hyperfocused lens that tumblr is and that’s like... okay. those fans aren’t any less relevant or important. if only tumblr was watching supernatural, i promise it would’ve been cancelled like at least 7 years ago.

the spn *fandom* is interesting because like one, no one is watching the same fucking show. like we all watched the same episodes but like this fandom cant even agree on like...basic facets of canon, let alone digging into complex meta. people’s views of characters actions and motivations skew wildly. things one side of the fandom considers nearly canon are like essentially viewed as ooc on other sides of the fandom. you love and hate all the characters and everyone is always about to start swinging on everyone else. you have to simultaneously juggle the ideas that the writers — and for the record this show has had four showrunners and like a billion individual writers who all see and interpret it slightly differently — are brilliant and the writers legitimately are both stupid and bad at their jobs. you have to turn your brain off in terms of continuity because they retcon their own lore every 15 seconds. this isn’t even getting into the ship wars, the boundary crossing, the weird invasiveness , etc., etc., etc. supernatural’s writing is sometimes incredible, sometimes terrible, but generally pretty average, but it had a charm (ESPECIALLY IN SEASONS 1-3) that reeled you in, even if you hated the genre.

when a show is on this long, i think the fans (rightly so) will look back and dig in and get nitpicky on things they wish were covered with more care. things that the show obviously did not decide to write with the intention of addressing/grappling with later on. case in point: dean’s drinking habits. with the exception of like... season 7 where they DO address it, dean drinks a lot as a feature of his character with little to no consequence. he doesn’t get drunk. he’s always driving. it might as well be water. the writers don’t intend for that to be more than just a facet of what makes him a rough and tough action hero even though logically, he should be drunk all the time. even w/ interviews w/ the cast/crew, it’s clear the writers don’t think the fans will care and/or notice a lot of things. they do, because well, they’re invested. the fandom extrapolates because that’s what fandom does, but i really don’t think the writers connect those dots because dean’s drinking /isn’t/ a problem until they need it to be. because spn has gone on so long, it has more instances of things like this than other shows, and our cultural contexts have also evolved a lot along the way from 2005 to 2020. so again, there’s a lot to work with. i don’t really think that’s so much a reflection of the quality of the show than it is a reflection of how long it’s been on and the way society has changed since then. dean not knowing what myspace is is funny for two completely different reasons in 2005 and in 2020, for example.

my own personal opinion is, there’s a lot to enjoy about supernatural. seasons 1-5 are legitimately good tv. for all their flaws, they have a very clear aesthetic and tell a story that is well-structured and relatively coherent in terms of themes and continuity. they set up complex characters and relationships and everyone’s motivations make sense and that arc wraps on a tragic but ultimately narratively consistent and thus fulfilling point. of course, there’s stuff i personally like and dislike but separating my emotions from it, it’s very good. i think if anything, i would recommend anyone watch those five seasons and then decide whether they want to continue or not. if you don’t, you’ll end on a note that feels complete. it’s what i’m doing w/ my friend elaine, currently, actually. if she decides she wants to continue after 5, we’ll do that, but for now we’re just vibing in season 1. after that point, i think if you decide you care enough about the characters to push through wildly inconsistent writing, there’s stuff to enjoy in seasons 6-15, but the quality and particularly the consistency dips and this is also where the retconning really starts to...intensify. it’s also where the mythos of supernatural grows bigger than the show itself, which i think was always supernatural’s downfall. the crew started caring more about the whims of the fandom and frankly the fandom became more of the story than the show, and that’s how you get people piecing together what supernatural is based on out of context gifsets that skew perceptions wildly and get Supernatural Fandom™ which... frankly, in my opinion, changed fandom culture as a whole for the worse, like yes it’s a huge, powerful and often memeable behemoth but also... the way it changed creator-fan interactions is something we’re going to be unpacking for a long time. i think had the writers tuned out fandom wars and internet yelling and strived to tell a story that made sense and was well constructed to /them/, we wouldn’t be here and seasons 6-15 could’ve found a way to be as beloved as the first third of the show. i’m personally of the opinion that being a fan of something, for better or for worse, does not entitle you to part of it’s creative process. it doesn’t become a collaboration, and the door is always there if you get to the point where you want to leave. i think supernatural getting too caught up in its own fandom and balancing all these conflicting interests is ultimately what made the last 10 seasons, and particularly the back third of the show oftentimes flounder. the finale chaos, in my opinion, happened because they tried to please everyone by keeping too many things vague so people would have room to play in their own sandboxes and round out the story the way they wanted to see it and thus ultimately, a lot of things were left in the air and so for many people, the closure they were hoping for just wasn’t there.

i dont know how this became a long and scattered collection of thoughts but tldr, people enjoy supernatural because at the end of the day, it’s an enjoyable show and i think the more you stew in a fandom bubble, there’s more to get worked up about. which is fine. i like that fandom engages in complex conversations that the show won’t grapple with, but that’s not for everyone and i don’t think the fact that we have these conversations is necessarily an indictment of the show’s overall quality.