#because it is abundantly clear in the text. and yet...

[swordofazrael1992]

thinking about how bruce and jp/az manage to have the most insane father and son dynamic while also not considering each other father and son. like. just the number of parallels between the way jean paul (jr) sees jean paul(sr)/azrael and the way she sees bruce/batman is. mind blowing

and i did not mean for this to become a post about the secret third member of the system (HI @dustorange i did see your tags) (and before we go any further i am not a dissociative system but i am currently studying psychology in college and have done a lot of my own research) because i don’t feel like i have the best grasp of knightfall and want to reread it at least once b4 i analyze it BUT. we know that part of their programming is azrael being triggered into fronting when the visage of azrael is worn, i.e. when the mask of the armor is put on. and then we go to knightfall, and we see jp/az beginning to experience significant identity confusion/alteration, both between the two of them and between them and batman…a mantle given to them by a character who is a narrative parallel to the father that programmed them…who wears a mask……there are thoughts you can have here

this is not to say that jean paul and azrael are not responsible for the actions in knightfall because ooooh secret third guy did it not them so it’s fine right? nope! and this is where character analysis becomes difficult for me, because while jean paul and azrael (and azbats) are different, they arent always distinct due to the ways dissociative disorders function. that’s part of the identity confusion/alteration piece of complex dissociation (e.g. being blurry, being unsure of who you are, co-consciousness, passive influence, etc). not to mention system accountability—it doesn’t matter if it wasn’t jp or az who did it, it still happened, and they still have to deal with the ramifications of it. 

in addition, even if they were the only two alters pre-sword of azrael (1992), it is entirely likely that jean paul and azrael were experiencing enough distress to cause a split. their father died. jean paul discovered she had actually been under the control of a cult her entire life. two decades of programming were activated. they left the cult that had been controlling them the entire time and they no longer attended college (remember jean paul was at university at the beginning of soa 92). that is multiple traumas followed by huge changes to structure and routine, not to mention the episode of psychosis. splits occur due to stress, and splits also might reflect the trauma/distress at their source.

so when you take all of that with the fact that jean paul and azrael were suddenly without a father, without a mantle, without a cause, without a mask, and then look at azbats. 2 + 2 = 4

[yes-no-maybe-soo]

I think about this scene every day. No joke. I don't think I'll ever get over it.

It's so beautifully bittersweet. And it perfectly encapsulates what makes Sylus' character so healing and so special to me, and so many of my fellow kittens — the pureness of his love, and his respect for MC as a person, and her agency.

He makes it clear here that he fully believes that the two of them are soulmates — flowers meant to grow together in the same soil. And yet despite his belief that they are meant to be together, he wants MC to actively choose to be with him. Her agency matters more than anything, much more than destiny or a soul bond. This is something that he makes abundantly clear throughout their relationship (with the exception of the very beginning, when raw desperation and heartbreak lead him to act irrationally and wrongly. But he quickly course corrected and never again tries to force anything.), and is why he feels like such a safe space, and his love genuinely pure and selfless. He never holds their past or their soul pact over MC's head, hell, he never even tells her about it. He has no interest in manipulating or coercing her. He has even proved willing to let go of MC, if that's what's she wants or what is best for her, much as it would devastate him to. Not once does he feel entitled to her because he carries 10.5 grams of her soul and vice versa.

Another thing that the line about the flowers shows, is his admiration for MC. "We were meant to grow together in the same soil. Yet you were quietly moved to another garden in a foreign land. Still, you managed to bloom beautifully"

This is Sylus acknowledging that, although they are true kindred spirits, soulmates, flowers meant to grow side by side in the same soil, she is still able to thrive and accomplish beautiful things even without him there by her side. She doesn't need him in order to bloom.

She is strong.

She is courageous.

She is capable.

She is magnificent.

And she will keep doing more than fine, no matter what. Whether that be with him, or on her own.

This is just further proof of what Sylus has always expressed — his respect for MC and her capabilities. There are phone calls, texts, and memories where he demonstrates the same sentiment.

Sylus' love for her is founded on respect, on genuine feeling and care, and on consent.

He may be morally grey in other areas, but when it comes to his feelings for MC, there is none of that ambiguity to be found. He wears his heart on his sleeve for her. He loves loudly and wholeheartedly, but also selflessly and without any entitlement or coercion. He never pushes, in spite of all the trauma and their shared history, in spite of all the memories of their love that he carries, in spite of their literal soul bond.

Because what matters most isn't his wants or desires.

But hers.

There truly is no love purer than his.

[nerdygirlramblings]

Off to See the Wizard (9)

previous | next

cw: poorly executed accents

Hours later, you're staring at code, but nothing is penetrating the fog you've been in since you met Kyle. His words reverberate around your skull and you wonder how you missed the signs. How was it not clear in those long conversations that they were feeling something for you?

You struggle, too, with the knowledge that they want you to be part of whatever it is they have together. How do they even think you can compete with the years they have and the bonds they forged?

Though your instincts screen not to, you reach out to Laswell with a simple text: "Did you know?"

You don't expect a response right away and so turn back to the papers in front of you. Transport manifests and heat maps, threads from various dark web servers. You have to brief the boys tomorrow, and they leave two days after that. Kyle's words hit you again: a mission they might not all make it back from. Your heart skips a beat at the idea that your boys might not all make it home. You know it isn't fair to ignore the information Kyle dropped in your lap, but you're not ready to face them with a response yet.

You trust him when he says they want you. In conversations with you, John and Simon and Soap had made their desire abundantly clear. And you decided long ago that if you planned to be honest with anyone, you needed to be honest with yourself always. So you refuse to lie and say that you don't want them all. But this? Multiple partners? Committing to a relationship that would always come second to the job, that would always put one or more of your potential lovers in harm's way, was a hard pill to swallow. Never mind the fact that you're only in the UK temporarily. How would this work when you're back in the states?

The clock creeps closer to dinner, and you're panicking. You have no answer for the boys, despite how you feel about them all. The weight of their stares is going to make any meal uncomfortable until you can give them some sort of response. The worst part is, you can't even escape to your room because it's in their barracks. There's nowhere to go to avoid the uncomfortable conversation to come. Just as you're about to log off and catch a bus into town, stalling a little longer while you collect your thoughts, the classified line in your office rings.

The only people with the number are ones directly associated with the upcoming mission: Laswell, Nikolai, and your boys. Unless Laswell has given the number to other operators, you know the call isn't Nikolai. Your boys know how to find you on base, so there's no need for them to call you. Maybe Laswell decided you deserved more than a text in response.

Picking up the phone, you ask, "What do you wish in the Emerald City?" cringing a little at the way your call sign has manifested an entire mythos. However, you know that the trappings of your call sign serve as the first line of defense for anyone who may find your number. An incorrect response to your question is the first red flag that something has gone wrong with the mission. So while it technically hasn't started yet, you still anxiously await the response.

Sure enough Laswell's voice comes through the line, "We came here to see the Great Oz."

"Laswell," you reply, voice clipped to avoid pouring too much emotion into your words. You have to know what she knows. You can't let her know how much their desire rattles you.

"Got your text," she replies, voice equally neutral. If the situation were any different, you'd laugh. Two of you are acting like alley cats trying to avoid a fight. You know your frustration isn't really with her but with being caught off guard, so you allow a trickle of warmth back into your voice and say, "Got some, interesting intel from the boys today."

There's a long pause on Laswell's end, and you wonder what she's thinking. You're grateful for the phone call but wish you could see her face. She doesn't like to admit it, but you're one of the few people who can read her emotions, and you're dying to know how she's reacting. All she does is respond with, "Oh? About the op? Or something else?"

To give yourself something to do, you pull up what records you have access to of the 141: task force service records, commendations, op histories - at least what's not redacted - and a handful of photos. One photo in particular catches your eye, the four of them in a desert somewhere standing with a few other operators, including a beautiful Middle Eastern woman who has to be Farah Karim. Though she has her arm around Kyle's waist and he's smiling wide, it's not the same smile he gives you. Scanning the photo more closely, you notice how Simon's and Soap's hands are hanging side-by-side, nearly brushing one another. John has his bent, forearm resting on Kyle's other shoulder, his hand hanging over Kyle's chest. Now that you know what to look for, it's impossible to miss the closeness the four of them share.

On the other end of the phone, Laswell clears her throat. "Oz? That intel?"

From the way she says it, you're sure she knows you learned nothing about the op and everything about the 141, but you know better than to charge ahead without proof. For the first time, you hesitate. Does Laswell know the boys are together? If not, is it your place to tell her? You have to believe she knows because of how close she is with John, how long she's takes them with missions around the world.

Besides, if they've told you because they want you to be part of whatever it is they have together, even if Laswell doesn't know yet, she would have to. Either because you'd be looking for a permanent transfer or because communication between you and the 141 would dramatically increase.

If you accept what they're offering, that is.

So you charge ahead, hoping you're not sticking a foot in it, and ask, "Did you know the four of them are romantically involved?"

True to form, Laswell's answer isn't really an answer. "Yes. I know they have personal lives outside the ops and that those personal lives include significant others."

You hate having to be so straightforward, but you know you won't get clear answers any other way, so you ask, "Are you aware that the 141's romantic partners are the remaining members of the 141? That the four of them are some sort of polyamorous thing?"

"Instead of answering that," Laswell says, "I think I should be asking how you know that."

You tell her as much about the boys and what they've told you as you feel comfortable with before you drop the hammer with your final statement. "They've asked me to be part of that relationship. Did you have any idea that would happen if I came here?"

There is no mistaking the sharp inhale Laswell makes on her end at your declaration. She doesn't respond when you finish. The quiet on her end stretches like taffy until you're so worked up waiting for her to break her silence. And still you wait. This is as delicate a situation as diffusing a bomb. In fact, Kyle dropped a bomb in your lap at the cafe, and you've reached out to Laswell for help in making sure it doesn't blow up in anyone's face.

When she does finally speak, you're surprised by her response. "How does their desire make you feel?"

You and Laswell aren't really the type to talk in depth about your personal lives. You know her wife and have been to several work-related events where you shuck some of the formality of what you do, but you're not the type to talk about your romantic partners.

"I need to know, when you picked me, did you know?" you plead. To her credit, Laswell doesn't push for an answer to her question.

"No, I didn't know. But John was definitely pleased when I told him who I was sending. Makes sense given what you said."

You latch onto her comment. "How did you know John was happy about it?"

"Work long enough with someone, Oz, and you can tell a lot from what they say and their silences without ever needing to see their face. There was something about the way John responded when I told him you'd be the one taking forward point on this. I can't tell you exactly what, but I know it meant he was happy with the situation."

You bite your lip, wondering how things would have been different if you'd stayed back in DC and Laswell had sent someone else in your place. "Did you ever think to send anyone else?" you ask.

Again, there's a long, weighty pause on Laswell's end. "Do you want an honest answer? Or do you want me to tell you what I think you need to hear?"

It strikes you how naive you are not to realize the two could be separate things. Your fingers idly tap against the keyboard, writing nonsense code while you think. If you put yourself in Laswell's shoes, it's clear there are a number of other tech operatives she could have sent, people more senior than you. But is there anyone else who cares enough about the 141 to do everything in their power to ensure the boys are successful and come home whole? Other than Kate herself, you know the answer to that is no. It comes out barely louder than a whisper when you reply, "You could have sent any of us, but you know I'll do my damndest to protect them."

You can practically hear Laswell's grin. "That's why you're there and not here. And I'd wager a bet that it's why they want you, too."

Much as you hoped a conversation with her would give you some clarity, you're almost more conflicted after the phone call. You thank Laswell for her time and hang up, slowly packing your things. It's after 7:00, and no one has come looking for you. Clearly the boys are waiting on your next move. Instead of heading for the mess or the barracks, you follow your earlier plan and take the bus into town again. This afternoon, you'd noticed a little greek restaurant a few doors down from the bus stop in town, so you head there.

Like many other restaurants on the street, almost the entire front is open to the sidewalk. You sit yourself at a small table for two off to the side. Menus are scattered about, so you snag one, only glancing through the options half-heartedly. When a good looking man in his thirties comes over, winning smile already on his face, and asking in accented English, "What would you like, lovely lady?", you find yourself stuttering over an answer.

What would you like?

Sitting here alone, watching the crowds pass, it hits you exactly what you want. You have an answer, for yourself and the boys.

You utter an apology to the waiter, vowing to yourself to come back later, and hastily grab your things. As you round the edge of the shop, you see a bus coming down the road and recognize the line number as the one you need. Your heels click faster as you race to the bus, hopping on just as the driver is shutting the door. You meander down the aisle, taking a seat near the back and stewing all the way back to base.

Your leg jiggles, foot tapping a nervous staccato as the bus makes its stops. The drive back feels agonizingly longer than the ride to town. By the time you see the base through the front window, you're nearly out of your skin with nerves. You scurry across base and throw open the barracks door open with more force than you intended. There's sound coming from the rec room, so you turn your feet in that direction. You only hope they're all here. You don't know if you have the nerves to do this more than once.

When you open the rec room door, sounds cut off almost immediately. Four pairs of eyes whip to you from various spots around around the room. Simon's eyes rove over you like a starving man at an oasis. Between his watery eyes and the guarded way he's holding himself, Soap reminds of you a hit dog, waiting to see if the next blow will land. John assesses you like a potential threat: what damage might you do to him and his boys? Kyle takes a glance at you and breaks out into a grin as if he knows what you're about to say.

"Uh, hi," you stammer. "Um, I know I've been avoiding you, and I wanted to apologize." You pause and are shocked no one jumps in with a comment the way they usually would. Perhaps they all recognize this for what it is, a defining moment in their lives where they will either get what they've been wanting or lose a chance at it forever.

Your gaze drifts over each man, and you take a deep steadying breath before continuing. "Kyle gave me, well, all of you, really, gave me a lot to think about. About what I want and what you want and what it all means." Though this confession is hard, you try to be as brave as your boys. "I don't know what to do because you're right. I do like you all. I have feelings for you all. And if it were just one, my answer would be easy."

This time when you stop, John says what's already on your heart. "Life is rarely easy, dove. But the best things are worth fightin' for." He gifts you the ghost of a smile.

You nod, "Yes. And you're right. I shouldn't be scared of something just because it's hard. And I'm not, not really."

"Then what?" Simon's voice cuts in, barely restrained agony lancing the words.

"I want to be with you all, but it's going to be hard for me. I'm going to need you to be patient," you tell them.

A smile breaks over Soap's face like a wave crashing ashore. "Bonnie, fer ye, we'd do anything."

Kyle's off his seat and in front of you, hands hovering over your arms. "Does this mean you'll be ours, Oz?" he asks tenderly. Your chin dips slightly, only once, but it's enough. He wraps his arms around you and whispers in your ear, "Always knew ya were meant for us." He presses a kiss to your temple as you feel the others moving around you.

John's lips kiss your cheek again as he says, "That's our girl."

Simon's massive build radiates heat behind you, his hands a warm, comforting weight on your waist as you feel the fabric of his mask press against the crown of your head.

Soap crowds in between Simon and Gaz. His hands cup your cheeks and turn your head to him. He rests his forehead against your and mumbles, "Ye dinnae ken hoo happy this makes me, make us all, tae call ye oors," as he drops a featherlight kiss on your lips.

series masterlist | main masterlist

~~

Taglist: @blackhawkfanatic @starriestarlight @grayskel @mxtokko @imjustheretofightforlove @miss-vanta-likes-to-write @thriving-n-jiving @madsothree @silly-starfish @danielle143 @beelzebee @nova-willow-541 @alchemyfreak321 @lilynotdilly @eternallyelvish @viylikescats @erintaro @hidden-treasures21 @lil-writer-523 @mordacioust @echo9821 @yunho-leeknow @aria-writer @chaosundcoffee @boogeysmoth

[17020]

RULE OF THIRDS

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ high school is home for a lot of things, including jealousy and drama. My ex's misery is your enjoyment this time! this is love triangles, with the wind breaker men. warnings for manga spoilers (last blurb), drinking, ooc ume (sawrryyyy) !!

A NIGHT OF REVELATIONS.

REN KAJI, featuring TOMA HIRAGI

ren kaji set aside his ego and pride to attend some afterparty because he knew you would be there. that meant a lot.

and at first, everything was… fine? he stepped out of his comfort zone, headphones down as he listened to the beats of the music which played over the speakers. his eyes met yours, with you linking your pinky with his.

"what? you wanna dance with me?" he questioned, his tone almost accusatory. it was what he wanted more than anything, yet he made it sound as if it was your desire. the mere thought of your skin grazing his made his heart want to burst out of his chest.

"you want me to dance to feid? no fucking way rennie, i don't dance to that. plus, you should take care of toma, he's on another planet."

sure, the song was ass, yet he still felt his heart shatter. he watched as you waltzed away, heading towards your friend group to chat. kaji turned his head to the side, only to find his upperclassmen staring back at him. his bloodshot eyes were puffy, lips pursed before he raised an almost empty bottle of god-knows-what to his lips.

great. now he has to babysit.

when he sat down next to hiragi, kaji had a bad feeling.

“m’gonna do it tonight, kaji.”

call it foresight, or a crazy good intuition, but ren kaji knew his heart would sink this very night. “good” he hummed. it was the only thing to come out of his mouth, as he felt his stomach churn from the anxiety.

“ya sure ya don’t feel anything for her?”

“all good” he squeaked, “let me know how it goes.”

when he found you a while later, kaji was stunned. there you were, drunk out of your mind and blowing smoke out of your pretty lips, body swaying to one of fanny lu's greatest hits.

with kota. fucking. sako.

it was a night of revelations, seeing as the once grumpy blond had a tiny smile on his face, mouthing the lyrics to don juan while facing you. his stiff body was now in sync with yours, chuckles escaping your lips as you commented on how great of a dancer he was.

kaji saw you stumble, and he took that as a sign. he knew he had to care for you. that, and the fact that he also had to get you away from sako, for his own mental wellbeing. with his hand getting ahold of yours, kaji guided you to a more secluded space of the patio, patting your head and asking if you're okay.

"you should go home, yn. you've had enough to drink."

when he asked to hang with you the day after, kaji was wary. sitting down next to one another in one of cactus bakery's booths, he sighed.

"you got home safe?"

"mhm."

"you didn't dance with me."

"yeah, i didn't."

"you did with sako, though."

resting your head on his shoulder, you laughed. "fanny lu is certainly not denied to anyone! if you had chosen another song other than feid's, i certainly would've danced with you, rennie."

a small smile appeared on his face as his mind raced on about what could have been the greatest night of his life, only to come back to his senses after he realized it could have been someone else's.

"anything else happen?"

"yeah" you shrugged, "hiragi texted me this morning, said he liked me."

he froze. since when was he hiragi to you?

"…well, what'd you say?"

ren kaji thought he was going to die.

"turned him down. he's like a brother to me, and i made that abundantly clear. he took it well, so that's that! he thanked me for being so mature about it."

last night was now certainly the greatest night of kaji's life, as he realized he still has a chance.

WHEN ONE STORY CLOSES, ANOTHER OPENS.

HAJIME UMEMIYA, featuring JO TOGAME

hajime umemiya was going to pop a blood vessel when he saw none other than shishitoren's second-in-command's hand holding yours, noses nearly grazing each other as he leaned down to whisper in your ear. your giggles, which were once his favorite tune, were now like nails on a chalkboard.

because it was togame who made you laugh.

his anger was indetectable, a smile plastered on his face as he observed the way in which you laughed at his jokes, how you tilted your head to the side and looked at him with those alluring eyes of yours, how you reached out to him when talking.

screw that, it was so obvious that umemiya was fucking jealous, as his eyes were squinted, his face had an expression of disgust, and one could swear that his left eyelid was trembling.

when you went to him a few days later telling him you had exchanged socials with togame, umemiya simply nodded with a smile on his face, congratulating you on how well things were going. he thought his soul was going to leave his body.

"he said he used to play street ball, and he played as a striker, and he wants to play volleyball with me! can you believe that, ume?"

"that's great, y/n! y'know i used to play street ball too, i was well-known for that back in the day, i used to play for my middle school as a striker" he grinned, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. "i could teach you to play both sports if you'd like! you wouldn't have to hop onto shishitoren turf that way."

hajime umemiya was utterly adorable.

that same night you received a text.

UME !! <3 This Thursday me and my siblings are gonna play ball! You wanna join?

umemiya's t-shirt fit you like a glove.

having little attire for a match, umemiya offered to gift you one of his shirts for you to play in, and the white and baby blue stripes made you look fantastic. to him, you were an angel sent from heaven to bless his eyes, as well as the football 'field'.

after playing like total lunatics, umemiya sat down cross-legged in the middle of the park's grass, you laying down and having your head resting on his thighs.

what umemiya wanted to do in that moment was kiss you senseless.

"hey ume… can you help me with something?"

"sure thing."

"togame's sort of being a bit pushy, and i don't have any interest in him at all. can you take a picture with me so that he'll shoo?"

his eyes sparkled more than the world's most expensive diamond. he excitedly nodded, asking you to open your phone's camera as he gently moved so that he laid beside you, resting his head on your shoulder and his arm wrapped around your waist.

click!

umemiya felt like the luckiest man in the world when he found out togame had seen your story with him and had suddenly ghosted you.

GOOD PEOPLE, GOOD DEEDS.

HARUKA SAKURA, featuring YAMATO ENDO

when haruka sakura heard of a certain someone's temporary return to furin, he thought nothing of it. except for when that certain someone came waltzing up to him after seeing him interact with you a few minutes prior, a smug smile on his face.

"so, sakura! mind slippin' me her number?"

"huh?"

"yeah! that girl you were talking to before, she's totally my type."

"and why the hell would i do that?"

endo laughed as he placed his arm on sakura's shoulders, seeing how the boy in question's face turned beet red. "because, sakura, you're a good person! good people do good deeds!"

there was no way in hell haruka sakura was giving him your number. matter of fact, he didn't budge!

so why in the fuck were you giggling in front of him at pothos, telling him yamato endo was in your messages asking you out to breakfast?

sakura's eye started to twitch as he asked how he got your number, nearly spitting out his omelette rice when you told him nirei had given him your number. when you told him that endo was planning on coming to furin on saturday to meet up with you, his face became a newfound shade of red. whether it was from anger or from endo's affection towards you, he did not know.

friday came by, and to sakura's surprise…

"oh gosh, haru!"

"what's going on?"

"endo cancelled breakfast, said he couldn't make it since he's on his turf and can't come to bofurin's."

"'s a shit move to cancel last minute."

"but, tsubaki told me there's a party over at keisei street tomorrow night. wanna come with? i don't wanna go alone."

sakura's ears and cheeks were flushed as he stuttered a reply: a meek and simple 'yeah'. you smiled as you wrapped your arms around sakura, too excited to even let him react. when saturday night came around, you thought you were going to die.

yamato endo was in keisei street, grinding on another girl as he asked for her number.

your jaw dropped to the floor. to your surprise, sakura was even more enraged than you were. grabbing your wrist, he dragged you over to a bench, sitting you down and placing your head on his shoulder.

"let it out."

confused, you asked what he meant by it. he laid his head on top of yours, with you feeling how his stiff body slowly softened as he sighed.

"i said let it out. yer obviously hurt by that asshole, so let it out."

your sobs were swallowed by the blaring music, but for some reason, the sadness quickly faded away, instead being replaced with a sense of tranquility. as if you belonged there, with sakura by your side.

sakura was sure that yamato endo was a good person, doing him a favor by leaving you all to himself.

note. this is for my boyfriend. this is what you get for calling me your stinky poo. i am not a poo. the poos are your friends who tried to get with me later on. or perchance the poo has been you all along, because you did not give one shit that they liked me and you made your move. love always, your princess.

update 15/10: this is for my ex. you deserved this because you're a piece of shit who literally (allegedly) got with your best friend's (the character behind endo) girlfriend. fuck you.

[megaderping]

Persona 5 fandom, I beg of you, please stop with the casual (and likely very unintentional) ableism. This is less about one specific person and an overall trend I see whenever people post bad takes on Akechi. Going "Akechi is a murderous psychopath" is harmful because it spreads an unfair stigma about psychopathy and mental illness in general as this "crazy" and violent thing, which has been normalized for far too long. And also, it's just not true. Anyone who thinks Akechi is this "remorseless psycho" (keeping in mind this use of the term isn't great) simply does not have more than a surface level reading of the character. His missable November texts make it abundantly clear that he is not happy with what he's doing under Shido. Which, granted, HIGHLY missable text. You have to basically delay Sae's Palace and not go in at all until mid-November. Engine room, 12/24, multiple times in third sem... his remorse is there, it's just subtle or not presented as shaking and crying and begging for forgiveness, because he's a guarded mess of a person (with deep psychological scars, make no mistake- this is not a healthy kid). But even without those texts, there are plenty of times where these feelings are conveyed. His sad reaction when Morgana explains changes of heart (if he had known sooner), his regrets in the engine room and lamentations about Joker's freedom, and I basically did a whole meta post breaking down the important visual and spoken symbolism to Akechi's character that gets boiled down to "hehehe crazy murder boy". Hate or dislike him? Cool, sure, but the normalization in fandom communities of just throwing around mental illness related terms in a derogatory fashion... really isn't good? Like even if Akechi was literally a psychopath or sociopath or had npd or other specific mental illnesses, that doesn't inherently make him evil, nor does it erase his victimhood, which is so integral to his role in the story.

He killed people, yes. That's not really up for debate, and yes he gets feral and over the top in third sem... but that's just over the top edgelord behavior directed at Shadows and focusing only on that ignores everything else he says and does in third sem, yet it happens so much (even though other Phantom Thieves, like Haru, have fun fighting Shadows too). Are we just gonna ignore all the times he's cool, collected, and reasonable in third sem to throw around this antiquated and hurtful idea of what the word "psychopath" means? ._. Just... blarg. I've made many Akechi rambles/rants, but the normalization of ableism surrounding him is not great? I think it's mostly down to ignorance and lack of media literacy, but yeah. Plus it's kinda fucked up how little weight is placed on Shido for teaching him how to do shutdowns (his own admission), the fact that the moment Akechi revealed himself to Shido, he was screwed, because this is a man who took a bump on the head as a reason to ruin Joker's life.

Idk. I think it's not just a P5 fandom trend, even, because it's so normalized the same way people think OCD is this funny quirky mental condition because of shows like Monk when it's an actual disability that can deeply affect people in horrible ways... Mental health awareness is good is all I'm saying.

[sakebytheriver]

It's interesting the way Interior Chinatown uses Lana's mixed race heritage and dissect the social expectations that come with that identity within the meta police procedural network television lense,

They don't do too much with it explicitly, because in this season she is relegated to a minor protagonist, a role that is made abundantly clear within the text of the show itself both with her relationship to the "main character" detectives within the in-universe TV show Black & White and within the overall story of Willis uncovering the mystery of his brother, but here's the interesting thing they do about Lana being relegated to the role of minor protagonist, the show connects that aspect of her character directly to her mixed race heritage

The show has Lana state that she hopped from job to job, filled every little but fairly important role that was available, something a pretty ethnically ambiguous actress would make a career off of, one or two line roles where she plays a nurse or a waitress or a secretary or a paralegal or a mechanic etc. etc. until she lands the first "big role" of her life becoming a "guest star" rather than a featured extra

Lana being mixed race opens more doors for her in the figurative meta sense of the real life film industry's racism which features into the in-universe storytelling about how in a show called Black & White Willis was never going to be the hero, and with the added layer of Lana not being from Chinatown, instead being a mixed race transplant, it puts her at odds with the insular Chinatown community, already rife with distrust, secrets, and tragic mysteries that she is not a part of, an outsider with a key desperately trying to fit in with the crowd, all culminating together into the moment when Uncle Wong tells her she'll never truly be able to understand the Chinatown community because she's mixed

In that moment the show uses the insular community of Chinatown to represent the nonmixed community that still faces the full brunt of white supremacy and racial profiling along with the clear economic disadvantages the people of Chinatown have compared to Lana whose relative privilege over the community she's trying to convince the police force she is the face of has allowed her to escape the same economic distress and pigeonhole stereotypes they must all occupy within an American copaganda police procedural

It's not that Lana can't claim her Chinese heritage or that she can't be a member of the Chinatown community, it's that she has a certain type of privilege that others her from the community in a way that is not her fault and that she cannot change, in some ways it's on the community itself to recognize that even if Lana is mixed that doesn't stop her from being a part of the Chinatown community, but there is something about how the first half of Lana's arc starts with her claiming to be the Chinatown expert and yet it doesn't even seem as though she lives there, using her privilege to open the doors to the new career of detective becoming a piece within the system that currently oppresses Chinatown in the vain hope to be the "change from within" with characters constantly calling her out on the fact that she knows nothing about Chinatown and then the back half of her arc is Lana working at Uncle Wong's restaurant, the same restaurant Willis worked at, that's literally at the heart of the community's deepest secrets, taking on the role of the lowest employee, a busboy, getting called out by Uncle Wong himself on her privilege and how even if she's working in Chinatown now she still hasn't proven to the community that she can be trusted to use her privilege in their favor rather than self servingly surrendering to the system she used to be a part of, it's a classic "you have to be redeemed from being a cop by working food service" kind of redemption arc

The show didn't have too much time to go into the explicit implications of Lana being mixed race and how that affects her character's interactions with the rest of the world around her given that the first season was only ten episodes and they had a lot of other stuff to be more explicit about and in a way leaving Lana's mixed race heritage and the social implications of the privilege that comes along with it in the subtextual aspects of her character being able to blend like a chameleon and reach higher levels of success than those who weren't mixed race with only a singular line pointing out the fact that her being mixed is the main thing that alienates her from the community of Chinatown was the better choice narratively speaking, it might go over a lot of the viewers heads, but it's there for people who want to go digging

[imaginedreamwrite]

PLEASE I WILL LITERALLY GET ON MY HANDS AND KNEES AND BEG YOU FOR A PART TWO ON JOHN NOT WANTING TO GET MARRIED

There seemed to be an irreparable distance between you two, and the cause was well known. Things between you and John had been tense, more than he’d like to admit and the guilt eating away at the powerful alpha was getting harder to ignore.

He knew you questioned your place with him, the future was unknown since it was abundantly clear that you wanted different things. John understood your desire for a wedding, truly he did, but his marriage to his ex-wife had ruined any desire for another wedding.

Still, the distance alone had almost made him crack. You weren’t completely isolating yourself, although you created enough space that his hindbrain was screaming at him to fix it. To please his omega and give you whatever you wanted.

He was a stubborn Englishman, everyone around him knew it. And as such, he hadn’t allowed himself to easily crater and give in. Instead he bought you a weekend retreat to anywhere you wanted in the world, to give you space when you needed it.

“I promise I’ll call.” Your eyes were glossy, he knew you’d been crying and he comforted you every way he could. “I’ll be back, I promise.”

For the rest of the weekend he waited, receiving few texts here and there that you were enjoying yourself. He missed you, missed having you around and your scent was beginning to fade already. John was eager for you to return to the estate, eager to surround himself with his omega.

He might not have wanted a wedding but he damn well loved you.

At the end of the weekend John expected your call to say you were returning. Instead he received a call from the local police. His blood ran cold, his heart plummeted when he had heard you were in an accident. You had taken an exclusive ride sharing service back to the hotel when the vehicle was struck with such force that the car flipped onto its side.

You had a few scrapes and cuts but the worst of the damage was to your arm and leg. The police had called John to tell him you were at the hospital, that you were in stable condition. Your injuries were relatively minor compared to what they could have been, and yet you still had a broken arm and leg.

John raced ti the hospital, breaking multiple speeding violations to reach you as soon as possible. Upon arriving to the hospital he had parked and found your room. Even if your injuries were minor, as your alpha he had found himself racked with guilt and a stab of worry.

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” You reassured him before he could say anything, your arm in a sling and your leg already in a cast. “I’m gonna be here for at least a night because I hit my head.”

“I’m sorry, darling.” He sat beside your bed, his hand holding your uninjured one, fingers stroking your knuckles. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“It was an accident.” You leaned back against the bed, shifting slightly to get into a comfortable position. “The driver ran a red light, he was drinking-”

“I’m a damn fool.” John leaned in, the older alpha kissing your forehead, his hand smoothing down your hair as he breathed you in. “You know that? A damn fool.”

“I won’t argue.” Your smile was small, your voice quiet. “John-”

“You mean the world to me, Y/N.” He cuts you off, determined to say his peace first. “When I heard you were in an accident, fuck��didn’t know what to think. You’re my world, love.”

His eyes searched yours, his heart clenching in his chest when he thought about that phone call. Receiving it, even if you had minor injuries, struck him deep. Never before had he felt like his entire world, what mattered most to him, could vanish before his eyes.

He was a damn fool; a right damn fool.

“I’m sorry-”

“No. You have nothing to be sorry for.” He kissed into your hair, his lips lingering as he held you for another moment, desperate to feel you against him. “I was a prat and I was wrong.”

He sat on the edge of the bed, his hands resting delicately on your body, careful as to not hurt you. He studied you, he searched your face and felt the world shifting beneath him.

“I want what you want.” He finally broke the short silence, his hindbrain and instincts yearning to give you the entire world because you deserved it. “If you want to be married, I want to. If you want a house full of kids or none, I want that too.”

“Why? I thought you said no?” You asked him, and he knew that the days, weeks of tense distance, between you was torture for him. But truly the thought of him receiving that call, even the threat of never giving you your ultimate happiness, made him feel like a failure.

“You could’ve died, darlin’.” He raised your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles. “Fuck, I could’ve lost you tonight. I’m not a good man, hell I’m a fucking monster to some. But I will not be the alpha that holds you from your dreams. My ex-wife, she left me with a bad impression of marriage. I want to try with you.”

John moved his hand to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing in slow strokes against you. “I want to get married, sweetheart.”

“Okay.” Your smile grew, you didn’t have to say much, you didn’t have to question whether he truly wanted it or not.

You knew he changed his mind, you knew that this accident had helped put things into perspective for him. He was your alpha and he would give you the life you desired, and you in exchange would be the omega who stood by his side.

John knew he was a fool, but as long as you were his wife, he didn’t give a damn.

[burntsecrets]

I Never Told You

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

Word Count: 1,199

Prompt: I Never Told You - Colbie Caillat

Summary: Modern-day story. Eddie Munson sparks a friendship with someone he met through a penpal website. After Chrissy’s death and the upside down, he isn’t looking for anything more and makes that abundantly clear. 

Warnings: unrequited love, emotional pain, implied past trauma, grief over lost potential relationships, unspoken feelings, self-blame, mental spiraling, romantic rejection, coping with emotional isolation

You never thought you’d find someone like Eddie on a penpal website. It started off so casually, with a shared interest and a few late-night conversations, and eventually, it grew into something… more. But not the kind of more you wanted. From the beginning, Eddie was clear — no relationships, no commitments. Not after everything with Chrissy, not after surviving the hell that was the Upside Down. He was still healing, and he didn't have room in his life for love.

Yet here you are, two years into this strange friendship, wishing you could bury your feelings as deep as he’s buried his pain. The truth is, you’re in love with him. You fell hard, despite knowing better. Every text from him makes your heart race, every phone call leaves you lying awake at night, replaying the sound of his voice like a broken record in your mind.

But you’ve kept it hidden. You’ve never told him. Instead, you carry the weight of it alone, a silent ache that grows every time he tells you about his life. Sometimes, he shares things so personal, you can hear the rawness in his voice, the vulnerability he doesn’t show to many people. In those moments, your hope flares, the "what if" creeping into your thoughts. 

What if he could love you? What if he felt the same?

You never ask. You don’t dare.

Then, one day, everything shatters. He’s met someone. Someone in Hawkins. 

It’s 3 a.m., and you’re lying in bed, the phone pressed to your ear as Eddie’s voice fills the silence of your room. The conversation had been typical at first—light, easy, the way it always is with him until it wasn’t.

“I, uh… I used to have feelings for you,” he says, his voice soft, almost hesitant. “Before I met her.”

For a second, you think you misheard him. Your heart skips, confusion bubbling to the surface. “Wait… you have feelings for me?” you ask, the words tumbling out before you can stop them.

He’s quiet for a moment, then lets out a low sigh. “No. Had feelings for you. I did, back then.”

Your chest tightens like someone’s slowly squeezing the air out of your lungs. “When?” you whisper, barely able to get the word out.

“Before I met her. I never acted on it because… well, I wasn’t ready. After Chrissy and everything that happened… I wasn’t in a place to deal with those kinds of feelings.” His voice is steady, but there’s something underneath, something that makes your heart race.

You swallow hard, trying to keep your voice even. “I didn’t know.”

“Well, you never said anything either,” he continues, and it stings because he’s right. You never told him how you felt. “I figured you didn’t feel the same.”

Silence stretches between you. You stare at the ceiling, the weight of his words pressing down on you, heavy and suffocating. You want to say something—anything—to make this moment hurt less, but your throat is too tight, the ache in your chest too sharp.

“So… what changed?” you ask, the question slipping out before you can think better of it. You need to know. What made him move on? When did he stop feeling whatever it was he’d once felt for you?

“There was something you said,” Eddie’s voice lowers like he’s bracing for impact. “A while back.”

You blink, confusion swirling in your mind. “Something I said?”

“Yeah.” He pauses, his hesitation thick over the line. “You said something that helped me move on. It made me realize… we weren’t right for each other.”

The words knock the air from your lungs, and you lie back down, gripping your phone tighter. You want to scream, to cry, to beg him to take it all back, but you don’t. You can’t. Instead, your mind races, frantically searching for the moment — the conversation — that caused this.

What did you say?

You’ve always been so careful, so guarded, saying the opposite of what you truly felt to protect yourself from falling deeper into him. The more you felt yourself slipping, the more you built walls with words. You didn’t want to lose yourself completely, didn’t want him to know how desperately you wanted something he couldn’t give.

But now… now you’re spiraling.

What could it have been? A joke? A passing comment? Something small? Something meant to protect you but ended up costing you everything?

The conversation shifts, as it always does with Eddie, back to something light and meaningless. But this time, you can’t follow along. You’re too lost in your own head, stuck replaying everything he’s said.

You don’t know what you did, what you said, to make him stop caring. You don’t know how you pushed him away without realizing it. And now, the weight of it is suffocating. All you have left are the "what ifs."

What if you’d told him the truth? What if you hadn’t tried so hard to protect yourself? Would things be different now? Could you have been the one he was talking about so lovingly instead of her?

You’ll never know.

By the time the call ends, the ache in your chest feels unbearable. But you don’t cry. You lie there, staring at the ceiling, replaying his words over and over in your mind until they become a haunting echo, a painful reminder of everything you’ve lost — everything you never had.

Eddie used to have feelings for you. He could’ve loved you, maybe. But now, he’s moved on, and you’re left with nothing but the sharp, unbearable truth that whatever you said… it drove him away. And he’ll never tell you what it was.

The days pass, but the pain doesn’t fade. It lingers, gnawing at you, making everything feel heavier. You miss him. You miss everything about him. The stupid jokes, the way he made you laugh when you didn’t want to, the late-night talks where it felt like the world was just the two of you.

You miss him so much it physically hurts.

You close your eyes, but all you see are his. Those brown eyes, the ones that looked at you with a kind of warmth that made you feel like you mattered. You miss them. You miss him. But you never told him. You never let him in. And now it’s too late.

It’s always been too late.

Every text from him feels like salt in the wound, but you can’t cut him out of your life. So you pretend. You pretend you’re fine. You pretend you’re happy for him. You pretend you’re not breaking every time he mentions her name.

And when you lie in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, you wonder if he ever thinks about what could’ve been. Probably not. He’s moved on. He’s happy. And you… you’re just stuck, drowning in the "what ifs" that will never be answered.

You tell yourself you’ll get over it eventually, that one day you’ll wake up, and it won’t hurt anymore. But deep down, you know the truth.

You’re still here, loving him quietly, the way you always have. And he’ll never know. You’ll never tell him.

Not now. Not ever.

[mrscolinbridgerton96]

“The freakin’ London premiere- we all know that that was not supposed to happen; that was not okay.. and he still did it.”

I’m sorry, but what is this “bad behavior” that she’s alluding to? What exactly did Luke do that could’ve offended her and other people so much? Someone please enlighten me. I really want to know how Luke showcased “bad behavior” at the London premiere. I’m genuinely curious.. because, I personally haven’t seen anything- and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’ll say that.

~

This TikTok is 3 and a half minutes long. If you want to watch the video, go right ahead! But for those who don’t want to watch the full thing, I’m gonna give you my thoughts on just a few of the things she said in her video.

She talked about how Luke should post something on social media to show more appreciation to the fans. In multiple interviews throughout the press tour for season 3, Luke has talked about how he appreciates every ounce of support and love that has come from the fans and how he can’t wait for everyone to see Colin and Penelope finally get together. But apparently… to some (unfortunately), that’s not enough. Just because he hasn’t posted about how grateful he is for the fans, that doesn’t mean that he’s not grateful. To insinuate that he’s “inconsiderate” because he doesn’t post on social media is diabolical to me; it is not only unfair but it’s unacceptable. At the end of the day, Luke doesn’t owe us a damn thing.

The second thing I want to share my opinion on very much relates to the first thing. This girl talked about how he should post something for Nicola and publicly show his appreciation for all the times she stood up for him. To the people who have said this (and trust me, this girl is not the only one who thinks this) and believe that he’s ungrateful for her defending him.. let me ask you ask you something: did it ever cross your mind that he showed his appreciation for all the times she expressed her (platonic) love and respect for him privately? I’m sure they talk and text each other a lot. There are other ways to show someone appreciation- and it’s (to me) even more meaningful when it’s not on social media. Just because he doesn’t post about on social media.. it does NOT mean that he is unappreciative. Nicola has defended him publicly because she’s a good person and knows that he’s a good person too. There’s a reason that Luke’s cast mates (most of them he’s known for 5 years) only have good things to say about him. Yet, there are “fans” who want devote so much time and energy to talk shit about someone they don’t even know.

Lastly, and this is something I’ve addressed a few times before. She asked, and I quote, “What is the bullying that according to some of you he’s experiencing? Where is the bullying?” The way I see it; in my opinion, by asking that.. she has made it abundantly clear that she has NOT been paying attention.

I shared these screenshots back in July- they have since been removed from Twitter (I’m not calling it ‘X’ because it sounds like the name of a p*rn site). If any of this doesn’t count as bullying, then what the Hell is it? They weren’t complimenting him to lift his spirits up. He even said in an interview that he was verbally harassed for TWO YEARS because of Colin’s “I would never dream of courting Penelope Featherington” comment at the end of season 2 (even though Colin Bridgerton is a fictional character)- last time I checked… THAT’S bullying.

~

She says that she’s “holding him accountable” when he hasn’t done anything wrong. Has Luke said or done something that truly IS problematic? If he has, I would gladly hold him accountable for it. However, I haven’t seen him do or say anything that is so awful that he has to be held accountable for it.

She also talked about how A would post something when Nicola posts something- she posts something; same with when the official Bridgerton account posts something and she would overshadow Luke. You can point all of that nonsense out all you want, but Luke has NO CONTROL over what she posts on her own social media account or when she decides to post!! Regardless of how you feel about their age gap, she’s an adult who makes her own choices. She old enough to know to know right from wrong- just like the “fans” who have been harassing him for months.

One more thing, today.. she posted a TikTok about how Luke liked Nicola’s recent post and she was all giggly and excited.. with that being said, my mind is telling me one thing- that she is one of those people who only like Luke when he interacts with her on social media and/or is actually with her (whether it’s casual or in interviews). Now, I could be wrong; this is strictly my opinion- an observation, if we’re getting technical.

Overall thoughts: I know that Luke’s not a perfect human being and I never said that he was- no person living on this planet is perfect.. and I would 1000% hold him accountable if he did or said something that actually WAS problematic. But, from what I’ve seen.. he hasn’t done anything to deserve all of the negativity he’s been getting.

Now, if you’ll excuse me.. I’m gonna go take something for my migraine.

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

as someone who has read your fics a lot (big fan hiiiii) and your tags (they're like easter eggs), i am now so curious about your controversial opinions and takes that piss you off because, i mean, i don't want to make a big deal out of it, but you seem to change your opinion on certain characters now hehehe

hi anon! thank you for reading my fics and the nonstop rambling in my tags, haha. i hope you have fun with them! i'm going to assume this is about the silm fandom because i've been rolling out the tolkien posts lately. i couldn't possibly go into all my controversial opinions or all the takes that i hate in one post, but since you're asking i'll give three of each. i'm gonna stick with things i haven't talked much about on this blog, because there are lots of opinions and takes (i.e. blaming thingol/b&l/dior/elwing for the kinslayings, claiming elrond and elros think of maedhros and maglor as their Real Parents, etc.) that i've already made my thoughts on abundantly clear, lol

controversial opinion #1: i don't think tolkien intended this to be the case, but the noldor have uncomfortably colonial overtones in their expressed intentions for middle-earth: 'long he spoke, and ever he urged the noldor to follow him and by their own prowess to win freedom and great realms in the lands of the east' / 'the words of feanor concerning middle-earth had kindled in her heart, for she yearned to see the wide unguarded lands and to rule there a realm at her own will. of like mind with galadriel was fingon fingolfin's son, being moved also by feanor's words, [...] and with fingon stood as they ever did angrod and aegnor, sons of finarfin.' these are finwe's family, his son and his grandchildren. there is no way they aren't aware that elves already inhabit beleriand, yet they express zero consideration for what said elves' opinions might be on their sudden arrival and claiming of the land. it is... a Bad Look

controversial opinion #2: according to the narrative, the sons of feanor lost their right to the silmarils. regardless of who agrees or disagrees, that's what the text posits. the silmarils burned morgoth. they didn't burn beren, didn't burn luthien, didn't burn dior, didn't burn elwing, didn't burn earendil, and didn't burn eonwe. they burned maedhros and maglor

controversial opinion #3: eol is not unreasonable for his low opinion of the noldor. eol is unreasonable for almost everything else about him -- he attempted filicide, is at best a creepy stalker and at worst a rapist (aredhel was not "wholly unwilling"... wdym tolkien explain tolkien what do you mean she was not wholly unwilling), and he accidentally murders his own wife while trying to murder his son. like wow, pick a way to be a terrible person. these quotes though -- "all this land is the land of the teleri, and i will not deal nor have my son deal with the slayers of our kin, the invaders and usurpers of our homes" / "no right have you or any of your kin in this land to seize realms or to set bounds, either here or there." -- he's not wrong about the highlighted portions and he has every right to dislike the noldor for the points he brings up. (though he is wrong for believing the noldor are at fault for morgoth, since morgoth would have come knocking with or without them.)

okay now on to the takes that piss me off!

stupid take #1: that thingol and doriath were bigoted assholes that turn away refugees for not letting aredhel pass through. this was not a very nice thing for them to do, obviously, but equating it with a case of refusing refugees is ridiculous. to begin with, the iathrim and the noldor (save maybe for the nargothrondim, whose king -- finrod -- has a respectful relationship with thingol) do not have the best relations with each other, which is hardly just doriath's fault. then aredhel, one of the noldo whom the iathrim have tensions with, wants to travel through their kingdom to visit her cousin, another one of the noldo whom the iathrim have tensions with. (the worst tensions with, in fact, as thingol is markedly, and rightfully, more disdainful towards the sons of feanor in particular.) why is it so unreasonable that this would not go over well? the iathrim didn't force her to go the way she did either; in fact they explicitly warn her that that road is "the speediest way," but that it is "perilous". she had other options and she decided to go with the one that was reportedly dangerous. and on top of it all, aredhel is not in the same dire situation as actual refugees. turgon would have given her ample supplies for the journey since he was already so remiss to her leaving in the first place, plus he gives her "three lords of his household" as guards/companions. how come this instance, which is not a case that concerns refugees, is treated by some people as sure evidence of thingol's isolationism and "racism" towards the noldor, while an explicit instance where he does accept actual -- noldorin!! -- refugees is swept under the rug? oh wait i know. because this fandom loves making doriath into this discriminatory, uniquely nationalist kingdom that it canonically is not. if you want isolationism, gondolin is right there

stupid take #2: that luthien's victories over sauron and morgoth are proof that she's a mary sue. tolkien calling her "luthien the mere maiden" is annoying, but more accurate than the complaints about her being op. she doesn't even fight either of them. with sauron he jumps at her and radiates so much Hatred that she faints, but she manages to cover his eyes with her cloak and make him sleepy for a moment. huan takes the opportunity to jump in and they start fighting. with morgoth, her disguise doesn't work on him. instead she uses his arrogance and lust to her advantage, bides her time, then seizes the opportunity to put him to sleep with her cloak. and when he stirs, she and beren run for their lives in terror! when people say luthien winning against sauron and morgoth is plot armor, what they really mean is that their faves don't have the guts she has to go up against extreme odds and the brains to effectively use what she has going for her to her greatest benefit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

stupid take #3: that luthien cast an enchantment on celegorm to make him lust after her. or even anything adjacent like luthien's maia blood enchanted celegorm though she wasn't doing it intentionally. not even going to bother debunking this kind of thing because it's a genuinely braindead take that reeks of misogyny, victim-blaming, and desperate whitewashing. fuck all the way off

i get the feeling you're talking about the sons of feanor on that part about changing my opinion on certain characters? which you'd be right about, the fandom has majorly turned me off from them. they used to be nearly the center of my interest in the silmarillion and its events, and now, while i still like them as they are in the story, i barely look at fandom content of them because the apologism is extreme and ridiculous. also funnily enough, my ranking of the individuals within the blanket of "the feanorians" has shuffled a lot too. maedhros and maglor used to be my favorite, now i've had enough maedhros and maglor to last me... maybe not a lifetime, but a good long while. (i dipped out of the tolkien fandom about two/three years ago, which was the time i got tired of m&m content. to this day i'm still tired of them.) and celegorm, the piece of shit that he is, used to be among my least favorite and now somehow shot his way up to my favorite <3 he's ambitious. he's charismatic. he's impulsive and arrogant. he's a wreck. he's funny. he's the absolute worst. love him

[fantasyinvader]

Something hit me the other day.

We know Felix and Ingrid have less happy endings outside of Azure Moon, Felix becoming a bloodthirsty swordsman and Ingrid not following her dreams of being a knight. The thing is, what got me was the fact that Annette is only able to access her paralogue in Azure Moon in addition to Ashe’s paralogue being mechanically linked to his support with Catherine. In the case of Annette, it’s the same as Caspar, Ferdinand and Byleth not being able to access their paralogues in Flower, while in Ashe’s case he doesn’t get the proper closure regarding Lonato.

But the thing is, joining Edelgard at the holy tomb leads to a scene titled Path of Thorns. It’s a religious reference marking Flower as a part of sin. Namely sloth. That by doing so, Byleth and the Black Eagle class failed to do some duty and the game is viewing them as immoral for doing so. When you consider that Byleth’s sword invokes the Mandate of Heaven with it’s Japanese name, as well as Ferdinand’s comments about bringing Edelgard in line if need be, it leans heavily into the fact the player was supposed to stop Edelgard. Not join her.

There’s also Claude’s route, where the Japanese text has him just beginning to learn rulers have their own responsibilities against Kostas. And then there’s Dedue going after Edelgard in SS and VW as part of his duty to Dimitri following his death, or the Church’s teachings about not abusing your power.

Think about this with the Lions. In SS and VW, they abandon their country while it’s being invaded while in Flower they’re invading their homelands. In those routes, Dimitri dies, Felix realizes he’s become the boar he always accused Dimitri of being and Ingrid takes over her house rather than becoming a knight. But in Moon, where they do their duties Felix doesn’t suffer guilt and Ingrid follows her dream. Meanwhile, Dimitri himself realizes what his duties as a ruler really were.

And again, think of the Black Eagles. They reject their duties without Byleth’s influence and join Edelgard, someone who talks about how awful it is she has duties placed upon her simply because of the station she was born into. But those duties came with power, and Edelgard’s goal is to be the one who stands above humanity becoming the apex of the world as it were. She wants even more power without any strings attached, and is willing to toss aside her humanity to stand above humanity.

She’s the villain of the routes where Byleth doesn’t reject their duties, plus Heroes made it abundantly clear no other lord in the franchise shares her view on the matter. They acknowledge the duties, but also the power they’re given to help others and a post-Flower Edelgard had never thought of it like that.

The message is pretty simple here.

The Deer seem to get a pass for this, but it kinda makes sense. The Alliance is neutral. While Edelgard has attacked them recently and is interfering with it’s politics, the nation isn’t officially opposing Edelgard just yet, so the Deer aren’t quite abandoning their homeland just yet. Plus in Moon Claude puts aside his trust issues and places his bets on Dimitri rescuing him despite his belief in how you can only rely on yourself. Claude still gets positive character development, and Dimitri ends up being a ruler who works on improving foreign relations like Claude wants. Claude’s bit of character growth in Moon ends up being rewarded bigtime.

[caliburn-the-sword]

whether or not it was the intention of one mr chris colfer, it is undeniable that alex and conner bailey are EXTREMELY mixed race coded, reason numero uno being their parents quite literally coming from two entirely different worlds yet coming to love and understand each other

it has been abundantly clear from the start of the text that alex had a profound lack of belonging and a disconnect from her peers (ofc i'd be entirely open to the idea of this being exacerbated by the possibility of her being neurodivergent. additionally, i'm an adhd connor bailey truther). i've found among other second generation immigrant children who move back to the home country of their parent(s) for a year or 2 of study abroad often do not want to move back and if they are young enough that they're forced to, find it really distressing. this is reflected in alex in the enchantress returns when she had an emotional spiral (and i would even go as far to say situational depression) about being forced to live in the real world

furthermore, there is the pressure that alex and connor experience to "pick" one side of their culture; for alex her fairy side, and for connor his human side, and the responsibility that they feel they have and the people they know and love in each world. it really resonated with me as a child who felt like i was in a tug of war between all of my cultures and ancestry

in an ideal world, i (a 18 y/o software dev with no professional screenwriting experience) am the director of a tlos movie despite the fact that chris colfer announced the news years ago and nothing has come out of it since, and also the world is not vindictive or cruel to child actors for reasons beyond their control. the twins, in my eyes, are like that one pair of twins from the uk because ofc where alex struggles with finding acceptance with her peers, connor experiences no overt trouble, and he is undeniably white passing (though ofc he's just as much a poc as alex is). it would also be like harry potter/percy jackson/stranger things where it's fresh new talent for these two

[starsreminisce]

What deeply saddens and frustrates me regarding Gwyn is the persistent negativity from some who tirelessly attempt to cast her in an evil light. This unwarranted scrutiny arises from a refusal to acknowledge Azriel's true feelings for her.

Gwyn, in truth, has committed no wrongdoing, as she simply embraces her genuine self. She played a vital role in pulling Nesta out of her own darkness and offering acceptance, even before Nesta's healing. Yet, baseless claims of a hidden agenda persist, insinuating that she might have ulterior motives, such as acquiring the trove or harboring sinister intentions, despite a complete lack of evidence.

When comparing Gwyn and Ianthe, it becomes abundantly clear that they are fundamentally different characters, sharing nothing beyond their shared status as priestesses.

Expressing doubts about Azriel and Elain's compatibility is a valid perspective, particularly when considering the descriptions and character interactions within the text. SJM has refined her breadcrumbing techniques since her days with ToG, leaving more evident clues for readers to follow.

Antis are vehemently opposing Gwyn and Lucien, seemingly reaching for anything to discredit them, because these are the same individuals who stand in the way of an Elriel endgame. It's clear that the clues provided by SJM seem to be leading away from an Elriel conclusion. The focus on Azriel and Gwyn post-solstice is a notable example of this, leaving little room for alternative interpretations.

[13leaguestories]

Hello! I also played Under Her Heart again for this post and have my own inquiries and what might be a small character analysis as there's no character limit here that I see and that was your first mistake. I haven't replayed the superstition 1 and 2 yet cause I want to wait for the rewrite so correct any mistakes I make here.

I'll try not to say too much as I believe any Superstition fan should play Under Her Heart as it gives amazing Insight into Syd and what exactly goes on through her head. This is mostly my own interpretation and should thus be taken with a grain and or even more so. In my first playthrough what stuck out to me most is Sydero's perception of what love is, specifically romantic love since loving the self, family and friends are all things Syd doesn't seem to have a problem with in general. Bradley and her Mother being people she has obvious affection for, to an extent at least. I mention this because Syd does have a tug of war with herself over love and it's many faces. Even more so with her abilities.

Sydero has made her thoughts on love abundantly clear but what I found interesting is that she struggles with it even in isolation. I won't say too much since the text highlights this clearly but the moving parts of Syd's perception of love, her sense of self worth and affection for Roe bring so many moving parts that it just makes me appreciate her character soo much more.

All right I should stop here before this seems more like a love letter to Syd's character than it already is. If I start talking about my personal experiences, her being Aro and why that makes me appreciate her character much more. Than we'd be here all day and I'd hit the hidden character limit. I blame that mostly on you though and for bringing me into this rabbit hole. Here's my question though!

The question I wanted to ask is if Syd's empathy abilities and a Roe whom experiences nothing but romantic, apple of my eye, love of my life etc, type of love could even be resolved somehow with Syd? Her experiencing that love through Roe constantly is...something of a thought for me at least. If this will be discussed in story than you obviously don't have to answer. Have a nice day!

I'm going to say that the direction it sounds like you're going in is pretty good so far. Can't truly discuss it with you due to the understandable vagueness but yea.

Um, as for your question it will come up but I don't mind answering it to some extent as well.

Syd's Empathy + Roe's Adoring Love = Not Good

Lmfao. It ends up feeling more like foreign feelings that she can't agree with. Like if you had some crazy intrusive thoughts that you're like "tf, why did I really just think that." It becomes more of an issue for her because it constantly reminds her what she lacks and what Roe doesn't.

But for any Roe that isn't aro in game, it will come up.

[conkreetmonkey]

In the process of attempting to create an incredibly basic Fallout 4 mod, I've realized that Bethesda games are needlessly hard to mod. Like, let me tell you about my journey so far:

(long one... yet another ConkreetMonkey wall of text, this one bemoaning Bethesda's spaghetti code and lack of decent modding resources)

First off, I should probably explain what the mod is intended to be. The Sanctuary bridge (known as the Old North Bridge, which is a real and historically significant bridge irl, mentioned by Preston Garvey upon seeing it for the first time) has always bugged me. It's half-collapsed, and cannot be repaired in the base game, despite seeing a lot of use as the main entry point to an important settlement. There is no mod fixing this that I like, as none remove the collapsed part without replacing the entire model. I've always wanted to see the thing repaired in an immersive way, but no matter how many workshop mods I download or in-editor changes I attempt, the collapsed part is baked into the model. The mesh itself needs editing.

The plan was simple: extract the model, make my 10-minute edit removing the broken planks and supports in Blender, and replace the original version with my slightly different new one. Since all I was to do was delete chunks of the model without leaving any open holes in the mesh, theoretically, the same texture should still work. The UV map would not need edited, as nothing I didn't remove changed in size or position. After replacing the model with this modified one, I would then either "repair" it in-game with Place Everywhere and some mods that add planks and support beams, or "repair" it in the official editor. It would finally look like the broken parts were removed and replaced with salvaged, mismatching wood, which is what would realistically happen. The "cleanest" way to do this would be to save a version of the plugin with just the edited model, and then one with my immersive repairs made in the editor, both uploaded to Nexus so others can benefit. They say to make the mods you want to see, and this one was both at the top of my list and felt very doable. I shouldn't even need to edit the navmesh or pathfinding because I'm not replacing any parts of the bridge NPCs actually walk over.

Roadblock no. 1: extracting the model. You can't just download it from the editor (to my knowledge), you have to extract it with a third-party tool called Bethesda Asset Extractor (BAE). So I download BAE and start sifting through the filenames of all the models in the game.

Roadblock no. 2: the filenames and organization are hot garbage, probably making sense to the devs but not to me, and there's no way to know what the model is of aside from the vague hint the name gives you. It's already become abundantly clear that this game was not initially programmed with modability in mind. I go on Reddit, and am informed by a helpful soul named u/ChaoTikPranXter that I can just open the editor, select the bridge, and see what its filename is that way. Of course! I do so, get the name, go into BAE, and extract the asset.

Roadblock no. 2.5: Bethesda's in-house engine apparently uses a weird-ass file format for 3D models called a .nif. Blender was unable to open these files. Thankfully, there exists a plugin that allows it to, which I downloaded and installed. When I tried to open my new .nif that way, however, only chunks of it displayed. The walking surface, the planes representing the alpha-channel bolt decals on the supports, and some bits of railing. This could not be right. The model was complete when opened in Nifskope, a 3D software that could open .nifs I downloaded when manually sifting through assets in BAE to check what they were (Nifscope, unfortunately, does not actually allow you to edit the models aside from rotating or resizing them along the XYZ axes, so it was useless to actually carry out the edit I wanted, which required the deletion of polygons). Apparently Blender was still struggling with the file format? With no other options, I used Nifskope to convert the .nif to an .obj (which took a few attempts, as the selection system in that program was hard for me to figure out).

Finally, after much trial and error, I had a full, unbroken version of the bridge that I could open in Blender. A compromise, since I'd have to convert it back to a .nif to get it back in the game (just adding more possible points of failure), but it was done. I had successfully opened the model in Blender after hours of trial and error, and downloading 3 third-party pieces of software.

Roadblock no. 3: Apparently converting a .nif to a .obj causes some eccentricities. The model is so massive it is not all visible at once as it far exceeds the render distance, and is also rotated 90° on its side for some reason, and is also positioned just below the "ground." Really hard to work with. I had to reposition it, which will definitely fuck things up down the line.

Roadblock no. 4: Also, BAE can't rip textures, just meshes. It's a known issue and I couldn't find any fixes or workarounds online, just forum posts reiterating that it's how things are. It's not terrible, I can work with a pure white model for my purposes because it's an inanimate object made of wood so it's pretty clear what's what, but now I'm going to have to figure out how to reapply the texture in-engine, which I assume will be a nightmare. Every time I want to move a file from one program to another it feels like I'm at the DMV.

Roadblock no. 4.1: Not really progress-stalling, just another example of Bethesda-ness: the groups on this model makes no sense. The walking surface is grouped with a random few bits of railing for some reason. Not all the railings, just some. All parts of the model are like this, mixed in with a little bit of everything else like the steam trays at a crappy buffet. Like, no shade towards whoever modelled that thing, but... why? Why did you organize it like this? Do 3D artists have the same esoteric approaches to object grouping as 2D ones have to layers? Am I even using the right terminology here? The only thing I know how to do decently in Blender is remove the hair from game characters downloaded from The Models Resource to see them bald (which, coincidentally, is all I should need to know for the edit I want to make).

So I, finally, after HOURS of toil, an entire afternoon, finally get to start making the actual edit.

It takes like 10, maybe 15 minutes.

This could have been so much easier.

I'm hesitant to even attempt adding my new model into the game. Is it really worth the time and effort? This was the easy part. Who's to say the model doesn't flip out again once I convert it to a .nif? I'm assuming the editor will let me copy/paste the size, coordinates and rotation from the vanilla bridge, but is that too optimistic? Will the textures want to cooperate, if there even is a way to reapply them within the Creation Kit? I had to download 3 third-party programs already just to open a mesh file in Blender. Now I'm seeing forum posts about how Outfit Studio is the best way to get .nifs into the game, so I guess make it 4. I think my best bet is likely to get a more experienced modder to help me out with this. I just hope I can find one who also wants to see this mod be created, because none I've found really do commissions, just requests they find compelling (understandable tbh, not shitting on them for that).

In conclusion, Godd Howard has abandoned us. If you're pro-mod, make your games easy and intuitive to mod. Modding is never simple, I know, but this is ridiculous.

[onyx-archer]

Hunter: A Casualty of Cancellation

Been a hot minute since I did one of these for the Owl Show, and because someone I don't think is very smart tried to act like my opinion on Hunter was "objectively wrong," I'm writing this out of spite. That said, I am still going to approach this much like I did my previous posts about TOH of this ilk (which you can find HERE and HERE if you wanna see those and haven't yet, the latter actually hints at the existence of this post as a possible thing, so the prophecy has been fulfilled).

As post's title should explain, the subject of this post is Hunter, a very popular character in the TOH fandom. He's a character that I have pretty mixed opinions on because of how he was handled. On one hand, I think he meets the criteria to be a "good" character (for whatever that subjective view is worth), but on the other, I don't think he's got much in the way of substance. While I don't have a problem with a character lacking a bit of depth, it's one of those things where I don't get the hype. A lot of that comes down to how the show is written in Season 2, namely it's second half. I'll explain what I mean under the cut.

Now, as I mentioned in the Stringbean post linked above, there are a few things within the show I consider "casualties" in the writing department due to the cancellation. Stringbean was the highest on that list, for reasons stated in the other post. The Collector is second highest, because I don't really care as much about him getting trimmed down to the bare minimum. And bringing home the bronze is ironically the Golden Guard himself.

I want to make something abundantly clear: I don't hate the character of Hunter. I'm not his biggest fan, sure, but I don't think he's a "bad" character. I think he meets a sort of "bare minimum" standard of "good," as I mentioned earlier. I'm only putting the words "bad" and "good" in quotes because quality is an extremely subjective concept, and while this is a post detailing my opinion, I know some more anally pedantic people reading this are going to try and insist otherwise. Those people know who they are, and I hope they know I think they're stupid.

With that said, I don't think Hunter has a lot of substance/depth, or at least to the capacity that other fans do. I've seen the show a number of times, and I've never really saw him as anything special. Given what I've said about him in the past, I think it's obvious that a lot of why I think this comes down to him being a Cancellation Causality™, having been unable to reach his true potential as a character.

A lot of people like to latch onto a character based on the potential the character has, and not necessarily the character as they are written in the source text. This isn't an inherently bad thing, as we all do it. I do it all the time. It's fun to think of all of the fascinating things you can do with a character that an author doesn't really utilize to their full potential. I think Hunter is one of those characters for a lot of people.

It's undeniable that the character is not "whole" as far as his character arc is concerned. Yeah, he has a complete arc, for all intents and purposes, but much like a lot of things within The Owl House, the cancellation had an impact on how he was written. Part of this is because the show had to expedite a lot of things that they likely would have spent more time on had they gotten more time, with Hunter's growth as a character likely got some changes when they needed to get down to the bare essentials to have the show end in a reasonably satisfying way.

As I mentioned in the Stringbean post, I'm aware this is fueled by a lot of speculation, but I'm willing to bet that Hunter's arc to becoming a member of the "Hexsquad" (as the fandom has collectively agreed to call Luz and her Hexside friends' group) was going to be a more gradual process. We likely would have seen him be more prickly with the group for longer than we do in the final product, even if a lot of key events of Season 2B stayed the same. I personally doubt that would be the case, given the pacing ramping up more, and plot points being dropped.

We know that starting with Season 2B, there were cuts. We know that the Galdorstones because Dana herself stated as much. We also know Galdorstones are an "ingredient" in making a Grimwalker, and what is Hunter? Oh, right, a Grimwalker. The Galdorstone plot elements likely would have been in Hunter's arc as a character, with some kind of self-acceptance of his Grimwalker identity.

Hunter being a Grimwalker in the series feels just like a convenient way to have him feel isolated from the rest of the main group (outside of his lack of natural magic abilities), and ultimately means nothing for the character. Him being a clone of Caleb Whittebane means basically nothing in the greater context of the narrative, and like a footnote of Hunter's arc. Part of this is because we don't have much context for Caleb beyond brief mentions and whatnot, but also because we know next to nothing about Grimwalkers. At the end of the day, this is a thing that adds the illusion of depth without really doing much.

Of course, I understand why we don't get the details/additional context for Grimwalkers and Caleb Whittebane; those details don't really matter for Luz's arc, which, as the main character of the series, takes precedence over literally everything else. Dana and the team had to make a choice, and they chose to focus on Luz's arc (which I cover in my post about people "not getting" what her arc is), rather than Hunter's arc, or any other character's arc. It was more important for the sake of the show ending in a satisfying way in what little time they had.

With that said, however, it does leave Hunter as a character with this vague idea of having substance under the surface (i.e. character depth), but it's been shaved down to the bare minimum for the sake of brevity. We can all assume things about his upbringing and whatnot, but that ultimately doesn't mean much because we don't see that stuff. It's not in the show, and because the show has a distinct lack of in-universe supplementary material, it means nothing. We can assume a lot about who Hunter is because of how Belos views him as an object, and subjected him to things that we can certainly label as "abusive," but as an abuse survivor, I don't really need Hunter for that when Amity exists and has a more tangible arc that involves her abusive parental figure.

Speaking of, that abusive parent thing is really only used well in one episode for Hunter, in my view, and that's in the episode "Eclipse Lake." Hunter contrasts Amity in that episode in a very good way from a writing standpoint. Both are kids that come from crappy homes, and both of them are hunting the same thing. He is able to effectively weaponize Amity's insecurity caused by her mother's abuse to make her think Luz is going to break up with her if she fails in finding the Titan's Blood, and he's able to because we know he's in a similar boat to what he projects onto Amity and Luz's relationship. It's the one time where Hunter's arc highlights what the character's journey could have been, as they could have returned to this insecurity angle later in a proper Season 3, and have Amity be someone who helps Hunter understand that his new friends won't cast him aside if he "doesn't get results." They could have done this in either realm, but they didn't have time.

Then there's his budding feelings for Willow. It's a sweet relationship at it's core, and the fact that the show never got the chance to properly explore it in canon, it's become the fandom's favorite ship to write that isn't Lumity, and sort of dominates a lot of the fanfics I see now because Lumity has been explored so much by comparison (it's honestly a little annoying, as a Lumity fan). Dana even implied that it's canon in a livestream after the finale, but because it didn't get explicit confirmation within the show, it is just that: implied. It could have been something that not only expanded on Hunter's character, but also Willows (not that I think she really needs the added depth at the end of the day, but that's a discussion for another day), and that's just what cancellation does to the non-essential characters in a story.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying a character needs to be "essential" to justify their existence in a story, nor do I think characters like Hunter or Willow are "unimportant." I'm just saying they simply become less essential to the broader narrative of the series.

Ultimately, that leads into why I think Hunter is such a bloody frustrating character to think about: all of the things that make him who he is feel like they were done better elsewhere with other characters, or had to be trimmed down to a sliver of relevance for the sake of getting things done within the time limit the cancellation of the show put on things, because it wasn't an essential piece of the plot when cuts had to be made.

I can't really accept that he has "depth" in the way a lot of people do because I don't equate headcanons and assumptions with depth. Hunter's a character that has the visage of a character with depth and intrigue and all of the qualities of what most would consider a "good character" on the surface, but lacks a lot of that, at least to me, because he didn't get the time devoted to him that is required.

Amity serves as a strong point of comparison to me, because she has the time put in pre-cancellation to be interesting. We see her gradual arc from "Mean Girl at the top of her class" to "dorky sapphic girl that's happier than she's ever been" over the course of her many appearances, and I feel like if the show had gotten a proper 3 Season order, we would have seen more of that from Hunter. We would have seen him gradually open up to others, and gradually become happier and have his "Amity breaking the pendant" moment equivalent where he gets to finally accept that he deserves to be happy.

We get hints that he's happier in the Human Realm because he is allowed to spread his wings and discover things he's passionate about, but we don't really get much beyond that because the show didn't have the time to properly explore Hunter's progression as a person up to that point. It's like a sandwich that had chunks of it's filling taken out of it before you get it. You might still enjoy the sandwich, but you might also be like "man, I wish it had more stuff in it."

Those are my thoughts on Hunter put into a post. Ultimately, I know there's gonna be people who say that I'm still "objectively wrong" about any of this, because some people don't actually know what objectivity is... but that's to be expected. Hopefully there's enough people out there who understand where I'm coming from. I'm not really looking to debate my position, but I'm open to hearing others' opinions.

Until the next random Tumblr essay!