#because last night I kept waking up unable to breath from pain in my ribs

[somewhatgreatexpectations]

Set You Free (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello friends!

Once more, double Lizzie!

Buckle up... it's a bumpy ride. :)

The sight of your ceiling etched itself permanently in your mind because that was all you were capable of doing. Staring at the ceiling. Wasting away. The concept was much more appealing than the decision that awaited you when the sun rose over the horizon.

Regardless of what you did you’d be breaking the heart of someone you loved. You had to face that.

Your own heart be damned. You’d break yourself a hundred times over if you believed for even a second that it would spare them.

Except you knew it wouldn’t. You knew that even not making a decision would be making a decision. Your heart thudded anxiously against your sternum at the thought, the deafening sound ringing in your ears.

The words they’d both said playing over and over in your mind. Every touch… every kiss.

All of it spinning rapidly in your mind until you were sure that no other thoughts would ever be capable of existing there ever again.

__________________

It had been twenty-four hours since you slept, give or take, and it took everything within yourself to drag your body out of bed and into the shower as a last-ditch attempt of clearing your mind.

It didn’t work. Of course, it didn’t.

Why would it?

After getting dressed, you took a deep, calming breath hoping that even for just one second the world would stop spinning and you would be able to focus your thoughts.

Again, it didn’t work.

Without thinking, you grabbed your keys and left the seclusion of your home. You needed to do something, not just wallow in your own agony and hope the answers would appear out of thin air. They deserved more than that. They deserved effort.

When you arrived at your destination, your hands trembled with each step you took up the familiar path. You clenched them into fist just for the sake of eliminating the issue.

Everything was amplified as you willed your hand to raise and knock on the door. The knock against the door reverberated through your sleep deprived mind. When the door swung open and your eyes met hers, you felt the tension drain from your shoulders. Even if it was just a bit.

“Wanda.” You breathed out, leaning into her automatically, sighing contently when her arms wrapped tightly around you.

You could vaguely feel her pull you into her apartment. “Y/n, you look exhausted. Did you sleep at all?”

Shutting your eyes, you hummed against her shoulder. “What time is it?” You asked dazedly.

“8 am.” She replied wearily.

Her fingers soothingly running through your hair almost lulled you to sleep until you heard her call your name again. “Oh. Right. No, I didn’t.”

The feeling of her gentle touch on your cheeks forced your eyes open again as you met her worried eyes. Those gentle eyes that you’d come to live for. “Moya lyubov’. You need to sleep. Come with me.”

Every movement felt disconnected from your body as the lack of sleep finally caught up to you. Wanda gently guided you over to the bed you had spent dozens of nights comfortably tucked into. The feeling heaven sent as she pulled the comforter over your shoulders.

You felt cared for. Loved.

“Wanda?” She hummed. “Can you stay with me?”

There was no response and for a moment you were sure she had left until you felt the warmth of her body gently turn you on your side as she crawled into the bed behind you. The familiar feeling of comfort overcame you as you felt her arms wrap tightly around your midsection and pull you close.

The scent of sandalwood invading all of your senses and the soft sound of her humming in your ear was the last thing your mind processed before you drifted off into a dreamless slumber.

When you opened your eyes again, you saw the sun significantly lower in the sky than when you had first arrived. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you made your way out of the warmth of Wanda’s bedroom and into the cold of the kitchen where you found the other woman at the stove.

The sight was familiar. Soothing.

“Wanda?” You called out, your voice still thick with sleep.

She spun around to face you, her eyes widened slightly in surprise, but the smile on her face was warm. “Good morning, Krasivaya. Well... afternoon I suppose. I was wondering when you’d finally wake up.” She said lightly.

You wandered over to her and rested your head on her chest as her arms wrapped easily around your waist. “Is that hot chocolate?”

Her lips pressed lightly against your hairline. “It is. I thought you could use a pick-me-up.” You smiled lightly with the ease of the moment. The ease of being with Wanda. The ease of… Everything.

“What time is it?” You eventually asked after allowing yourself to relish in the peace for just the briefest moment.

You could feel her lift her wrist to her face. “It’s just about to be 5. You slept for nine hours.” Her body shook slightly with her giggle and you couldn’t help the way your lips quirked up at the sound. Until you remembered what that time meant.

“I… I have to go.” You mumbled, stepping back awkwardly.

Wanda’s smile faltered, and your chest clenched at the sight. “I understand.”

You pressed a soft kiss to her lips, lightly brushing your thumb along her jaw.

When she pulled back and looked at you with a mix of love and pain you knew you couldn’t lose her. The thought alone terrified you.

With one final kiss, you turned and made your way to your car.

Love was supposed to be easy. With Wanda it was easy. It always had been. Falling in love with Wanda was as simple as breathing. You couldn’t lose that.

The racing thoughts in your mind made the drive feel like it passed in seconds. Your heart was anxiously pounding against your rib cage, and you were sure it was moments away from beating right out of your chest.

A selfish part of you wished that it would because then you would be spared from having to hurt someone.

Glancing at the clock on your dashboard, you saw it was 6 which meant there would no more opportunity to avoid the inevitable.

It was time to face the reality of what was about to happen.

The steps you took down the path felt never ending, each movement heavy. Heavy to complete, heavy on your heart. The situation felt familiar though, as if you had tread this path before.

The further down the path you walked, the more you became sure that the path would be something you could never come back from. You would never be able to change the outcome.

When you finally reached the clearing, you found her, and you couldn’t help but think back to all the moments that you had spent here with her before. The happy moments. The moments before life caught up to you both. A place of happiness.

A place that had originally started out as yours, until you realized that everything that was yours was hers too.

Leigh’s smile when she saw you made your heart clench, but you kept moving forward. You found yourself unable to stop yourself from smiling back at her. Especially since this might be the last smile she would ever give you. You wanted to curl in on yourself at the thought alone.

“How do you even remember this place?” You asked, still surprised that she was able to find you in a place you hadn't been to together in years.

Her shoulders lifted slightly in a small shrug. “Because I spent the last two years coming here when life got too much.”

Your breath hitched with her words. “Why?” You asked even though you weren’t sure if you wanted to know the answer.

“Because it always reminded me of peaceful times.” She laughed slightly. “Looking back now, I guess I would just come here and hope in the back of my mind that one day you’d be sitting under this tree like you used to when we were kids.”

For a moment you let the words wash over you because even if you didn’t say it out loud, that was why you found yourself seeking out this former place of comfort as well. “Leigh…”

Her smile fell when you finally met her gaze. The eyes that were shining happily just moments before were now filled with tears. Your heart broke at the sight. You couldn’t do anything to make her feel better though because you were the cause.

You caused her pain.

“It’s her.” She whispered, her voice thick with emotion. It wasn’t a question. You didn’t have to say anything. Leigh knew you well enough to know where you stood without words.

She sounded like she was about to cry, then she took a breath and it was gone. “I’m setting you free, Leigh.” You murmured passed the lump that had formed in your throat.

“Maybe I don’t want you to set me free, Y/n.” The response was quick. Like the slipping of words that weren’t intended to see the light of day. Her sharp intake of breath confirmed that. The words dug deeply into the furthest crevices of your heart, making the world around you darker as you fought to push down the emotions that they evoked. “Did you love me too?”

The silence that hung in the air was heavy with words left unspoken. Heavy with emotion that pressed down on your chest like bricks. “I did love you, Leigh. Beyond words. And I think… I think that sometimes you loved me too.” You eventually said. Your words were quiet, as if they were a secret meant just for you two. You kicked absently at the leaves beneath your feet to distract yourself. “We were just never able to get our timing right. And maybe that was a sign.”

A weak chuckle filled the air around you. “I didn’t love you sometimes, Y/n. I loved you always. Even when I didn’t say it. Even when you walked away... Even when I walked away” The tears that fell burned a path down your cheeks as you quietly listened to her. “We didn’t lose each other because of time. I think we lost each other by waiting for the other to admit that we were in love... Two soulmates who could never find each other even when we were standing right in front of each other.”

Your heart fragmented and you could feel the broken pieces hammer in your chest. “Leigh-”

“You know, I may not have been daylight for you… But you were my moon and stars… And when you left you took them with you. You were my light in darkness. I’m sorry that I turned off the light.”

The air became razor blades around you as it became impossible to breathe.

You couldn’t find it within yourself to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry, Leigh.” She didn’t respond, and you didn’t expect her to. “I’m so sorry.”

A tense silence hung in the air as though you were both trapped in limbo. Both terrified to move. To let go.

“Do you regret it?” You asked softly, the words so quiet you were certain they barely reached her ears.

Your heart thudded in agony when she refused to look at you. “Do I regret what?”

“I don’t know.” Your voice shook. “Everything.” Leigh was quiet for a long moment and you could feel heat burn the skin of your cheeks. You knew you should have left well enough alone.

Just as you opened your mouth to apologize to her for asking, she finally said, “Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean that you weren’t the best thing that ever happened to me… Because you were.”

“Yeah.” You said thickly, feeling the tears prickle in your eyes. “You, too.” You wanted to tell her that you wanted to fight for her, but you didn’t know how. You wanted to tell her of the fear that had become a permanent fixture in your heart. You wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her fault.

The battle had felt like it was lost long before it had even begun.

Instead you said nothing.

Leigh stepped closer to you, her eyes glazed over with unshed tears. “One last kiss.”

Your hand found her cheek as your palm slid against her skin. You nodded and pressed your lips to hers.

Soaring.

That’s what it always felt like when she was pressed against you like this. You felt the rush of helplessness, and a surge of emotion that filled you with warmth and she clung to you as if you were the only solid thing in this dizzying world.

Her mouth was insistent against yours and you could feel the shake of her lips that sent tremors through every nerve ending in your body. You slowed the kiss down. You needed to remember this. Everything... Before it was gone for good. Like how sweet her lips tasted even over the salty tears that fell from your eyes.

The kiss goodbye lasted years in your mind, yet it still wasn't long enough.

Then she stepped away and the spell was broken. You dazedly allowed your fingertips to brush away the stray tears on her cheeks even if they were replaced with fresh tears a moment later.

“I won’t love you forever, but I’m terrified I might. I won't stand in your way though” Leigh whispered, the words against your lips, sending chills down your spine. “Goodbye, Y/n.”

Before you could say anything, she pulled away, her hand slowly trailing down your arm until it stopped at your fingers. You could feel her lightly squeeze three times before she turned, and you quietly watched her walk away.

Every word stolen from your lips because what could you say? You had made the choice. When she had disappeared in the distance, your gaze fell to the grass where she had just stood and couldn’t help but ache.

Losing her was one of the worst things you could face, but you survived it once before. Loving her was a worse pain. It had to be.

You knelt slowly in the grass, the weight of the situation forcing you to your knees. When you attempted to stand again, you couldn’t move. It was as if the grief you felt changed everything within yourself entirely.

If this was what you wanted, why was it killing you inside to let her go?

___________________

Wanda shifted slightly in your arms and you tightened your hold around her, pulling her closer. Always pulling her closer. You could see her shift closer to you in her sleep and you couldn’t help but smile slightly at the sight.

You glanced at the clock to see the time glaring brightly back at you. 6 am. You hadn’t slept well in the last three days, but you didn’t want Wanda to know that. She would just worry.

Eventually, you were able to fall into a fitful sleep as the sun began peeking over the horizon.

The door opened, and you forced an unconvincing smile on your lips. “I did it. It’s over.” You said quietly.

Wanda just stared back at you with her brows furrowed in concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.” You mumbled as Wanda let you inside.

The concern never faded from her features. “You don’t have to pretend to be. It’s okay if you’re not.” Wanda said cautiously, her arm wrapped around you.

As if she said the magic word, the fake smile crumpled, and you felt the tears begin welling in your eyes. Wordlessly, she pulled you into her arms. You melted into the embrace, bunching your hands into the front of her sweater as quiet sobs fell from your lips. “I choose you, Wanda… but it hurt to let her go.” You whispered through tears.

With a start, you opened your eyes to the bright room, groaning when you saw how late in the afternoon it was. Even though you shouldn’t have, you closed your eyes again. The world was dull. And you couldn’t get out of bed.

You should be happy. So why weren’t you?

After another hour in bed, you knew you couldn’t avoid it anymore. Using all your willpower, you rolled out of bed and made your way to the bathroom. Forcing yourself through the motions as you brushed your teeth, showered and got ready for the remainder of the day.

It wasn’t until you looked in the mirror that you stopped. In the mirror your eyes met your own and you could hardly recognize yourself. You forced a smile, quickly dropping it when you realized how unbelievable it looked. You sighed.

The feeling was reminiscent to the night of the wedding. Only this time you made the decision. You made this choice. You loved Wanda. You wanted to be with Wanda. She was your daylight. You loved her. You just needed to get out of this rut.

The mantra looped in your mind as you made your way downstairs and into the living room. You smiled slightly when you saw Wanda curled up on the couch, an old sitcom playing on the screen in front of her.

“Hey.” You said, getting her attention, before you took a seat next to her. “What are you watching?”

She smiled back at you, but it was soft. Sad even. “I think we should break up.” Wanda replied suddenly, ignoring your question.

“What?’ You sputtered in shock at her words. If your heart wasn’t already broken, you were sure it would have been now.

Wanda reached a hand over to soothingly stroke your cheek. “Y/n. I love you.”

You placed your hand over hers to keep her there. To anchor yourself. “If you love me, why are you leaving me?”

A sigh fell from her lips as a single tear rolled down her cheek. “Because you made the wrong choice.” She whispered.

Her thumb soothingly running along your cheek bone did nothing to ease the chaos in your mind. “What do you mean? I lo-”

“You’re not in love with me.” Wanda interrupted quietly. “I know that we would be happy, and I can see us spending the rest of our lives together… but you weren’t meant for me.”

Tears prickled your eyes as you stared helplessly into the beautiful emeralds that you’d come to adore. “I choose you though, Wanda. I want you.”

The tears that fell down her cheeks made you want to scream. You never wanted to hurt Wanda when all she had done was love you, yet you had still managed to do it anyway.

“Who you want and who you need are sometimes two different people.” She said sadly. “It would be selfish of me to keep you when I know your heart is with Leigh.”

You gently wiped away her tears. “But Wanda, I-”

“I’m setting you free, Y/n.” The words hit you and you recoiled slightly. She licked her lips as she seemed to contemplate her next words. “I’m setting you free because I love you and I don’t want you wonder what could have been if you had actually listened to your heart. I’ll be okay.”

All you could do was collapse into her chest, the tears flowing freely and feeling like they would never end. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” You repeated until your voice was horse.

The tears the fell onto your neck made you weep more as Wanda stroked your hair. Both of you allowing yourself to relish in the embrace. As much as you tried to fight the knowledge, Wanda was right. It was Leigh. Even if you desperately wished it was Wanda, you couldn’t change the composition of your heart.

You loved Wanda, but you’d never be able to match the love she gave you. Not when the vast majority of your heart would always be in the hands of another as long as you were breathing. It wouldn't be fair.

Two years away just taught you how to muffle the way your heart still screamed out her name.

After what must have been an hour, Wanda pulled away, her eyes still distraught. “Remember that night when you said that we can chose what to define ourselves as?” You nodded slightly, your mind drifting to the night you spent together looking at the stars. A fond memory. “Don’t let yourself be defined by your fear… As much as it breaks my heart to say this, go get her. Let yourself be defined by love. Don’t let the end of us be in vain.”

You swallowed thickly. “I do love you, Wanda.”

She smiled weakly at you. “I know. I love you, too.” Wanda pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and you closed your eyes at the contact. “I should go now.”

When you opened your eyes, your heart clenched in your chest at the sight of her. The sight of her pain. “I’m sorry, Wanda.” You repeated again.

She shook her head slightly. “I’ll be okay.” As she made her way to the front door, she turned to face you. “Learning to forgive ourselves and others because we haven’t chosen wisely is what makes us human. We make mistakes. You and Leigh have made mistakes. Don’t let the fear from the past ruin the future.”

“I won’t.” You whispered, she sent one last weak smile your way before leaving. The door closing behind her sent a new influx of tears rolling down your cheeks as you tried desperately to process what had just happened.

________________________

After the talk with Wanda, it took you several days to work up the courage to reach out to Leigh again. The fear of the past and the fear that you had ruined the future still kept you up at night and made it almost impossible to function. You had to try though. You couldn’t let her slip away without her knowing that it was her… Even if she didn’t want you anymore. She deserved to know that her love wasn’t in vain. That she was right. It was always going to be her.

A quiet curse slipped past your lips when your call when straight to voicemail and a quick glance at your text messages further confirmed what you had already suspected. You were blocked. You couldn’t even blame her because when the roles were reversed you fell off the face of her earth entirely.

Your heart dropped at the thought that you would be forced to live through the same outcome once again. Stuck in the cruel cycle of tragic timing.

Except you wouldn’t let that happen again. You couldn’t. You refused to let her be the one that got away. Never before had a decision been clearer to you. Once the walls fell, everything else came crashing down around them.

As you ran around your house searching for the keys to your car you pulled up Jules’ contact and hit call hoping that she would answer. After several rings you were sure the attempt was fruitless when-

“What could you possibly want, Y/n?”

You winced at the bite in Jules’ words. Sometimes you forgot how punishing Shaw’s could be when they wanted to. “I just-… Is Leigh there? I think I’m blocked.”

“For good reason.” Jules snapped. “She just stopped crying. And I don’t mean a couple of tears because she was sad. I’m talking about collapsing and sobbing at the sky tears.”

Tears began falling down your cheeks with Jules’ words. You clenched your eyes shut to push through. “Jules, I’m sorry. I need to make this right. Please. Help me make this right.” You took a shaky breath. “Is she home? Can I see her?”

“We’re leaving, Y/n.”

The world stopped spinning. You were sure of it. “What?” You choked out.

“We’re leaving.” Jules repeated, her tone softer. “I’m going to Vietnam and Leigh decided to come with me. I don’t know how long we’ll be gone.”

Your knees felt like they would give out under the weight of her words. “When?”

There was a brief moment of silence. “Today. We’re leaving in a few minutes actually.” A lump built in your throat because you couldn’t believe that you lost her. Again. And you were entirely to blame.

“Jules-”

“I have to go now. I’m sorry, Y/n. Take care of yourself.”

Before you could get another word out the dial tone filled your ears. “No.” You mumbled to yourself. “No, no, no.”

Grabbing your keys, you sprinted out the door, breaking several laws to get to Leigh’s house. You had to see her. To tell her that she was right. That no one else made sense. It was always her from the very beginning and it would always be her until the very end.

Your heart was Leigh Shaw and it didn’t matter how hard you tried to push her out, you couldn’t. You’d spend the rest of your life with her name etched into every part of your soul. She was in your veins and there was no way you’d ever get her out. You didn’t want to. Not when you finally knew that she loved you too. Not when you were finally ready to face your fears and take the leap of faith.

A loud curse slipped past your lips when you were a block away from Leigh only to see the road blocked off from some unnecessary LA construction. That wasn’t going to stop you.

You could run the rest of the way. You’d crawl there if you had to.

Quickly parking your car off the side of the road you stepped out and began sprinting in the direction of the house. Hoping and praying with everything within yourself that you weren’t too late.

The sight that greeted you when you finally made it to the house made your heart stop. You slowed to a stop. Leigh’s mother was making her way back into the house after waving to a car that had already made it half way up the street. Even sprinting you wouldn’t be able to catch it.

You were too late.

Leigh would become your greatest what-if. No matter how hard you tried it seemed the universe was adamant about keeping you two apart. The timing of the car in the distance proving that more than anything.

Except this time you had no one to blame but yourself.

With a heavy heart, you dropped your head and turned around. You couldn’t bear to see the car disappear from sight. Taking with it the love of your life and the one thing you never got right.

Desperately you fought back a sob, as you began your slow trek back in the direction you came from. The hole in your chest making the task feel almost impossible. You just wanted to be alone and wallow in the misery that was a cause of your own indecision.

Everything around you quickly faded into nothing as your body went numb. The feeling reminiscent from the night of her wedding when you lost her the first time… only this was worse. So much worse. Your heartbreak was caused by your own hands and it was your burden to bear alone. You could have been happy.

Almost. Maybe. Perhaps. So close. Could have. That’s all you had ever been with Leigh and it seemed that you were destined to finish that way as well.

Heartbreak would be her name, echoing over and over again in your mind until the end of time.

“Y/N! Y/N!”

Your heart leapt in your chest at the sound as you quickly turned. The sight rendered you immobile because there was Leigh. Not in the car. Not disappearing in the distance. Not in another country. There. Running at you with tears streaming down her cheeks.

The ability to breath became almost impossible as she got closer and closer. Then suddenly she was where she was always supposed to be. In your arms.

Her tears soaked through your shirt as she openly cried into your chest and you could do nothing but allow your tears to flow as well as you just held one another tightly.

As if you were both scared any movement would make the other disappear.

“I love you.” You gasped in her hair. “I love you so much and I’m so sorry. I was scared. I don’t expect anything back. You don’t even need to reply. I just needed you to know that I love you, Leigh Shaw. I always have and now I know that I always will.”

Leigh pulled back slightly to stare at you with parted lips, her watery eyes searching yours. “I love you, too.” She breathed out, giving you a watery smile. “That was just the end of the chapter, not the end of our story.”

Your heart soared, and you gave her a smile of your own. Because finally… finally. There was no one running away, you were just running towards one another like you always should have been.

Like two magnets, you were both drawn into a passionate kiss. The kind of kiss that breaks open the sky and steals your breath away.

The kiss showed you that every other kiss you’d had in your life had been wrong.

Her fingers slid into your hair, pulling you closer, as close as physically possible. You were sure your heart had exploded under her touch. All you wanted was Leigh. The feeling of her in your arms – all of her – pressed flush to you. It was right, and your heart had never felt more whole.

The moment was interrupted by a hand lightly tapping your face. You and Leigh pulled apart with matching expressions of confusion, your arms still wrapped tightly around one another. “Hi, yeah, did you forget about something?” Jules asked sarcastically.

Your heart dropped as you looked over at Leigh, remembering the fact that she was leaving. “Jules, I-” Leigh began.

Jules face broke out in a smile. “I was kidding. Don’t even worry about it” She waved a hand dismissively. “You were planning on buying your ticket when we got to LAX anyway.”

You could feel Leigh lean into you in relief, her head tucked just under your chin. “You’re not mad?”

“Of course not. I’ve been waiting for you two idiots to admit you were in love since I was five.” You smiled, feeling a blush creep up your neck. “Besides... now no one will judge me about how I do things on the trip. I'm kind of relieved.”

You chuckled as you absently ran a hand up and down Leigh’s back. “I resent that.” Leigh mumbled.

“But do you deny it?” You asked teasingly.

There was a short pause. “No... but I resent it.” You could feel her press a kiss to your collarbone and you smiled.

For a moment the three of you stood in comfortable silence. “Leigh?” Jules called.

“Mhm?” She mumbled into your neck.

“I’m happy for you…” She paused and looked at you meaningfully. “For both of you. I think this is where you both have always belonged.”

Leigh lifted her head and smiled back at Jules. Your heart fluttered at the sight. “Yeah. I think so too. How about you?” She asked as she looked at you with glimmering eyes.

You melted under her gaze. The sharp edges faded away. “I think so.” You breathed out, smiling lovingly back at her.

Jules clapped and you both turned your heads to look at her. “Alright, kids. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone. Like elope or something.” She pointed warningly at Leigh. “I’m serious. I have dibs on maid of honor. You can’t take that moment from me because I’ll be out of the country.”

You laughed awkwardly as Jules got back into the car and drove off. “I think Jules is planning our wedding for us and we aren’t even official yet.”

Leigh stroked your cheek tenderly. You felt every nerve ending in your body burst at the simple touch because of the love in her eyes when she did it. “Well, I don’t know when you’ll be ready for titles, but I hope you know I don’t plan on letting you go again.”

She leaned in, so her lips were ghosting over yours. You smiled. “I don’t plan on letting you go either.”

With a smile, Leigh connected your lips again and you lost yourselves in one another.

And when Leigh proposed to you a year later you said yes without hesitation because while there weren’t many things in life you were certain of, you would always be certain of her. You loved her and you didn't plan on letting her go.

And with that... we have concluded with the Leigh/ Wanda story. I would just like to thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for reading this story and being so passionate about it. I would not have done it without the support from all of you.

I loved each essay I got defending the girls and every single comment that you all made defending your position. I am a little heartbroken to see this story come to an end because as much as I love my other stories, this is my favorite thing I've ever written.

Anyway, sorry for getting sappy. Please let me know all your thoughts and comments I'm so excited/ nervous to hear what you all think! I hope you enjoyed taking this journey with me.

p.s. shout out to @sokoalex and @abimess for helping me find the Leigh gif!

Tag list:

@khiaraaa-in-spacee // @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo // @halobaby // @madamevirgo // @aimezvousbrahms // @trikruismybitch // @marvels-writings // @izalesbean // @imdreamingblo // @i-choose-you-cyndaquil // @helloalycia // @scarlets-maximoff // @cantcontroltheirfear // @women-am-i-right // @funnysoldier // @myfavoriteficss // @imapotatao // @imagine-reblog // @blackxwidowsxwife // @purplemeetsblue // @cristin-rjd // @ravens-ss // @legaypandaboi // @myperfectlovepoem // @diaryoflife // @stupidsapphicsstuff //@ouat2017 // @abimess // @wellsayhelloaagin // @mionemymind

[thesunshinebunny]

When the world falls apart, the only thing we can hold onto is ourselves (Part I)

Series Master list

Pairing: Canon Eren Jaeger x reader

Content: Angst, unstable relationship, breakup, smut/nswf+18, major character death, violence, blood (obviously), war (pretty obvious)

Summary: War and hate. It’s what defined the world at this exact moment. You failed your comrades, and by failing them, you failed yourself. Your relationship is hanging by a thread and your enemies will not only be found on the other side of the sea, but also in the mind of the person you love the most. How will you take the reins in the face of so much destruction?

Chapter Summary: After watching their teammates die in battle, reader begins to question their sanity and of their so-called partner.

AN: let me say goodbye to my favorite girl, who got me the best laughs and relieved my anxiety while reading manga chapters. At the same time, let me succumb to the misery and enlarge the wound with an canon Eren. I won’t be against following this fic if I see that a lot of people like it, but my list of fandoms isn’t going to change, this will be a unique exception.

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The chill in the air from the airship rushed through my veins. Less than two hours ago, I had seen countless comrades die, each one of them struck by bullets in different parts of their bodys or eaten by a Titan. I had seen countless lives fall and had been unable to save any. I knew we were going on a suicide mission, but deep down inside of me, I hoped we would all come home alive.

I was very naïve to think of a happy ending in this rotten and violent world.

Inside the room I was in, my mind wandered looking through one of the few windows this war machine gave us. I wasn't paying attention to what Levi or Eren were saying, I didn't even have the slightest intention of asking why Zeke was with us. Although being a member of the Survey Corps and a direct and in training medic, I was not fully informed of the missions. Eren’s courtesy.

Bored and mentally tired, I left the room where my leaders were having a heated discussion with "humanity's last hope." I didn't have the strength to add more charcoal to the fire, but trust me when I tell you I wasn’t at all happy with Eren's plan, simply and exclusively because I was completely unaware.

I walked down the hall making a mental note to kick the brunette in the face like Levi did when we got back. If my so-called partner, who had the decency to slowly push me away over the last year without explanation, wasn’t confident enough to tell me whatever was going on in his mind, then we would be in front of the doors of a serious conversation back home.

I opened the door where the scouts were when I heard a rifle go off. My eyes went wide and fear washed over me. I instantly scanned my body for wounds, completely ignoring the situation happening in front of me. Finding no sign of impact, I looked up only to find Sasha falling on her back, with a bullet impact on her chest.

The world seemed to have frozen as did my body. No one was able to move. Blood was spreading around Sasha's body, staining the floor, and that's when I reacted. My body moved on its own, pulling the cloak off my shoulders and folding it to make a small pillow. My ears didn’t catch any screams or cries from my teammates, as if I was underwater and the only thing I could hear was my heartbeat accelerating, threatening to come out of my ears.

"I need a syringe with anesthesia, a pair of tweezers, a needle, a lighter, bandages and hot water, NOW !!"

No one was moving, everyone was in shock, including me, but I was layered enough to know that if we didn't do something, Sasha wasn't going to survive.

"Jean, Connie, I need surgical elementes! NOW!!"

The two boys came out of it, running around the room, even going to the continuous, looking for something that might serve, while I tore Sasha's shirt and took her equipment. Mikasa was next to me grabbing the pieces that were in the way.

"Mikasa, I need you to put pressure on the wound and don’t move your hands"

Connie came running back with the anesthesia in hand, trying to give it to me, but me failing. The syringe fell to the floor, but thanks to whatever deity was watching us it didn't break. My hands were shaking with adrenaline, making it impossible for me to inject the needle into the glass vial.

“Sasha… I need you to stay awake, ok? I need you to keep your eyes open at all time"

The dying girl in front of me didn't give me an answer, but I knew she heard me. In the background, I could hear the desperate cries of the others, apart from the fact that someone had hit the culprit in the face. I injected the anesthesia and proceeded to remove the bullet from the lung. Mikasa reapplied pressure with wet cloths.

"Sasha everything will be fine, I assure you, everything will be fine, so don't you dare die on me, okay?"

I couldn't tell who I was addressing those words to, the girl who gave us the best laughs in our training days, or me.

Lighter in hand I proceeded to cauterize the wound, but my eyes fell on Sasha's, noticing how the life had left her eyes. The light that was so bright in her pupils had faded, leaving nothing more than an empty countenance.

"Sasha?...Sasha? hey, this isn’t funny, Sasha wake up…Sasha?? SASHA?!!?!" ...

"SASHA!!!"

Again.

Again I’d been unable to do anything.

Again I’d to see how I was unable to save someone.

Again.

I had seen a mate die. Again.

My chest contracted, the air was impossible to get in or out and my lungs cried out to explode. My stomach wanted to regurgitate, but there was nothing in it, causing me to spasm. My vocal cords were damaged from screaming and my head was about to collapse.

My whole body was about to collapse.

"How dare you!? You son of a bitch, how dare you to shoot the person who forgave your life?"

My anger was now directed at the child they had wanted to bring with us. It was impossible for me to look at her without having the desire to break her face, to make her suffer ... to kill her. To take revenge for Sasha.

“SHE FORGAVE YOUR LIFE BY NOT GIVING YOU A SHOT IN THE HEAD AND IS THAT HOW YOU PAY HER? YOU HATE US SO MUCH? HOW MANY MORE LIVES DO YOU WANT TO TAKE FOR US TO BE SATISFIED?"

My legs got up, leading me towards the girl, but arms held me from behind, preventing me from continue walking, preventing me from taking revenge.

"HOW DARE YOU? HOW DARE YOU? YOU ARE THE REAL DEVILS"

In the end, my body collapsed, completely loosening and causing me to almost slide down Connie's arms. I fell to my knees when he released me, snuggling up and hiding my head in my arms. Tears flowed like waterfalls with no intention of stopping and my screams reverberated across the metal in the room.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Connie opened the door where our commanders were still arguing. Both with tears in our eyes gave the worst news of the night.

"Sasha died"

Jean and Hange's faces were disfigured and Levi hid his grim outline from us. The room was silent, but all that could be heard were my sobs, spasm after spasm.

"She had a ... a bullet impact ... in ... in the chest ..."

It was difficult, almost impossible, for me to relate the precarious medical report of our friend's death, trying to help me with the movement of my hands ... but even so the spasms won me over. I fell back to the floor, tears invaded my face once more and my ability to articulate words was gone down the drain.

Hange approached with a slow step and placed their hands on my shoulders, giving me the help I needed to give the report. I took several minutes of deep breaths and when my lungs returned to normal, I spoke again.

"Sasha had a bullet impact on the chest, on the left lung ... There was no exit, so the bullet was stuck in there...it pierced two ribs, tearing the skin of the lung and causing internal bleeding... I managd to remove the bullet, but I didn't have time to cauterize and sew the wound ... she bled to death"

Every pause I took to breathe made it so much worse for me to speak back. If it weren't for the fact I was undoubtedly taking deep breaths, I would have passed out from distress and hyperventilation.

"I could have saved her ... I know I could have saved her"

Silence reigned over the room, sobs from Hange and Connie could be heard if we were paying close attention. Jean and Levi glared at Eren, who had not deigned to lift his head at any time.

I got up as best I could, running Hange's hands gently, and left the room once again. I needed to be alone for a while, I needed to let go of these horrible feelings, I needed some air, otherwise I doubted I’d do anything rational in the state I was in.

My legs led me to a room away from all the common ones. It was empty, but it had a couple of windows that chilled the already cold metal walls. Some windows were at my height, allowing me to appreciate the view from the air, but let's face it, it was impossible to appreciate the landscape when your mind and heart were breaking to pieces. The only thing that kept my mind intact from any collapse was the path of smoke and fire that could be seen in the distance... signs that Marley was still on fire.

"Are you ok?"

That familiar voice, all too familiar, echoed in my ears pulling me out of my entrance. Eren had entered the room quietly with the aim of… what? See if it was okay? Because I really wasn't, it showed on my face and that's what made me even more angry than I was.

"Oh, I don't know? Am I ok? Do I FUCKING LOOK OK TO YOU?"

I turned from the window too quickly causing me to stagger and fall to the floor. My head was spinning and starting to ache as was every muscle in my body. I put my hands to my head, hoping the pain would dissipate a bit, but the only thing I managed was to sink further into misery.

"I could have saved her ... if I’d been faster ... I know I could have saved her"

He hadn't moved from where he was, he just stayed there, looking at me. My blood-soaked eyes looked him up and down searching for something, whatever, to speak of, but all I found were non-glare eyes and a neutral gaze, as if he hadn't cared how many lives this mission had claimed.

"Do you want to know how I feel? Fine, I’ll tell you"

I stood up heavily, my muscles begging for a break. I turned my head to see the black smoke rising on the horizon, still clearly noticing an orange and red flare.

“I am tired…I am full of rage and hate. I saw our comrades die and I couldn't do anything, I was unable to save them ... to save Sasha...and all because of not having been informed like everyone else"

My eyes hadn't left the window because I knew, if I looked into those dull turquoise eyes, those same eyes that once shone with all the innocence and life that a young man could have, I would end up punching him.

"Are you happy? Did you accomplished your mission now that you have the power of the warhammer titan? What will be the next step? Go back to Marley in a few months, finish what you started and devour the jaw titan and Reiner? Assassinate the cart titan?”

Again, I got no response. My patience had already reached it’s limit and I looked back at the man who was now standing in the middle of the room.

"You're not going to tell me, are you? No, you never say anything to me, it's like I'm a burden to you" I shuffled on the metal, standing right in front of him "I'm with so much anger in my veins that I want to kill a child, a child Eren! ... A child who had her head washed all her life, a child who doesn’t know the whole truth and who only knows that by killing she can be free"

Unconsciously, my body moved everywhere, as if it wanted to release all the pressure by tiring the muscles. I stood back in front of the window and with all the accumulated anger I gave it a strong blow, slightly scratching the glass and probably breaking some knuckles.

"Sasha died because of my incompetence and the violence of this world...I want to save lives Eren, that's why I'm practicing medicine...I want to dedicate myself to saving souls, not killing them...and we have the culprit stuck in one of our rooms...why?" ...

“WHY DO WE HAVE TWO CHILDS ON OUR AIRPLANE? WHY IS YOUR BROTHER WITH US? WHY DON'T YOU LET ME KNOW WHAT IS GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD?"

I was sure that my screams could be heard by our entire war machine. I was impatient for answers, but knew I wasn't going to get any, at least not now. My hands didn’t remain calm, they moved everywhere, a sign of my anxiety and my eyes turned around the entire room, looking at each screw, each metal beam... everything except the eyes of my supposed lover.

I was giving up, now I just wanted to rest and have a trip home in peace, even knowing that home was not going to sound the same or feel the same.

"If you have nothing to say Eren, you better leave"

I turned my back on him but didn't proceed to walk away from him. I needed to find an anchor point so as not to give up and throw myself into the arms that one day gave me warmth, the arms that wrapped me in the dark, the arms that reflected their love and affection ... into the arms that now wouldn't hold me from the waist or draw me to his chest. I wasn't going to throw me into some arms that weren't going to contain me.

I heard him take a few small steps towards me and his hand rested lightly on my shoulder. I put it aside abruptly and I distanced myself towards the remote window, seeing how little by little the smoke was getting smaller and I could no longer see the orange flame clearly; now I could only see a thin yellow line fading.

"Leave Eren"

His footsteps rumbled on the metal floor, leaving me alone once and for all.

The trip back was going to be a long one and, to be honest, I wasn't sure if there was anything for me in our home. Nothing was going to be the same anymore. Without Sasha, without Eren and with a war on our feet I doubted to even call “home” a piece of wet land in the middle of an ocean which is still the target of a world full of hate.

[fanficsandfluff]

The Wake-Up

Finally, I've crossed a fic idea off my daydream checklist! Enjoy!

Fandom: MCU, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson, some Cass and AJ, a smidge of Sarah

Words: 2,010

Bucky hadn’t felt as well-rested as he had on Sarah’s couch, even despite being woken by her two boys. So, yes, maybe he did keep accepting offers to stay over. It helped his mental well-being, so what? He sought the rest and relaxation. Sam hadn’t even been there a few times, but it was still as welcome as ever. Sarah cooked great food. He brought her flowers the last time he slept over, and he loved the bright smile that sprung to her face.

“We need to clear a guest room all for you,” Sarah joked at the dinner table on one particular summer night.

“You can take Uncle Sam’s room when he’s not here!” Cass announced through a mouthful of grits.

Bucky grinned at all the jests and he knuckled Cass’s shoulder, “Oh, I’m sure Uncle Sam wouldn’t mind at all,” he always smiled whenever he heard ‘Uncle Sam’ being used to address the new Captain America. Brought a lot of nostalgia back, and even turned it into something positive.

But on the couch he remained, at least for the upcoming night.

Sam pulled up at 3 am, the whole house asleep. He had to get used to seeing Bucky on Sarah’s couch, but it was finally starting to become less surprising. As long as he was on the couch and not in Sarah’s bed, all things were fine by him. Sam tiptoed in after shedding his boots at the door, easing into the comfort brought to him just by being in the house. He adjusted the blanket by Bucky’s feet and pulled another corner over his bare arm, non-metal.

Sam smirked to himself. He always assumed Bucky possessed superhuman senses, so someone who decided to even step too close while he slept would be pulverized immediately. But no. The guy needed the sleep, he supposed. Bucky’s breathing pattern didn’t even change when Sam adjusted the blanket. Hmm… he could use this.

~~~

“Shhh, shhshh, hey guys,” Sam kissed his nephews on their foreheads when he woke them purposely later that morning. Dawn was just creeping over the bayou, shimmering the lights on the water.

“Wait, shh, you gotta stay quiet or you’ll ruin it,” Sam had his hand atop AJ’s head and he ruffled it around, making the older boy giggle.

“Ruin what?” Cass whispered.

“We’re gonna wake Bucky. The guy’s just always sleeping, isn’t he?”

Both boys shared identical grins, “Yeah, totally!” AJ slipped his glasses onto his face, Cass following suit.

And so the plot begun. Sam went to the bathroom with his nephews and gathered shaving cream after Cass had pulled a feather from his animal project from school. Sam explained what they’d be doing with these tools, since they’d never pulled this prank before (wow, Sam felt old).

AJ and Cass were practically vibrating with anticipation and giddiness. The trio snuck their way to the couch. Sam sprayed the shaving cream on Bucky’s metal hand since he knew how to not make the spray noise come out so loudly (and his human arm was tucked behind him on the couch so he couldn’t get to that one, okay? He didn’t go for the metal on purpose, he isn’t that cruel).

Sam pointed to Cass first as the three of them stood by Bucky’s head, hiding behind that edge of the couch, crouching. Cass stood and swiped the feather across Bucky’s forehead. No reaction. He gave it to AJ. AJ, more methodical, wiggled the feathered tip on the bridge of Bucky’s nose. Now he got his nose to scrunch, brow to furrow, but his arms stayed put. Sam next. He got the feather to move closer to Bucky’s nostrils.

“So close…” Cass whispered in the smallest voice, hands covering his mouth. AJ also put his own hand over Cass’s hands covering his mouth because of the comment.

Sam kept it up, even swiping around Bucky’s cheeks, when-- WHAM!

The boys both exclaimed, Cass jumping up and down excitedly while giggling. Sam laughed loudly, holding his stomach. The noise was a loud metal clang when metal arm connected with skull. It was hilarious.

Bucky shot up with a start, feeling his eyes covered in some kind of gook, and he practically gave himself a headache. He heard all the laughter and he sighed deeply.

“Gross…” he grumbled and wiped his eyes, not realizing his hand was the cause. He ended up smearing more shaving cream across his eyes.

“You got a little something…” Sam spoke, holding back more laughs. Anything to mess with Bucky was the highlight of Sam’s day.

Bucky got enough shaving cream off his face and wiped onto his pants to see again. He eyed the boys first, knowing he could scare them off quicker. He growled.

“Go go go!” AJ directed his younger brother, ushering him back towards the bedrooms, the two shoving each other and tripping over each other along the way.

Bucky’s eyes went to Sam immediately after.

Sam had to think quick. Run from a super soldier and inevitably get caught, or wake Sarah because there’s no way Bucky would do anything to him if Sarah was--- yeah, nope, not willing to face Sarah’s wrath either. Sam bolted out the front door, hearing the screen door clatter behind him. Not two seconds later he heard it clatter again, meaning Bucky was hot on his trail.

Sam ran through the yard, weaving between trees, feeling the dewy grass get kicked up under his bare feet.

Bucky threw himself at Sam when he had the shot and they both propelled forward, rolling in the grass for a few feet.

“Ow! Shit, Buck!” Sam exclaimed, groaning, feigning more pain than he was actually in.

Bucky was atop Sam, not falling for the act for a second. It took Sam a moment to look up and he burst out another laugh, unable to help himself. Bucky still had a white-painted face full of shaving cream, just now looking more smeared than goopy.

“You know you’re so dead and you’re still laughing? Where’d you get the balls…” Bucky tried to sound menacing, he really did.

“Nahah, no, you--” he cleared his throat, buying time so he could formulate a way out from under the Winter Soldier, “It’s good for your skin. Moisturizing. You look good.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes and his metal hand snapped to Sam’s when he tried to move, wrenching it up above his head. Sam was pinned. Now was the time he was getting nervous.

“It was all AJ and Cass, I just thought you should know.”

“Mmhm,” Bucky, man of few words, looked up and down Sam’s torso. He had him pinned. Now what to do. Bucky poked at Sam’s protruding rib. He did it again to the few above that one, making a little path of pokes.

Sam shifted under him, uncomfortable. His face looked much less jovial now. Annoyed. Good.

“Oh Sam, buddy, you never told me you were ticklish,” he drawled.

“I’m not--I mean, just stop. I’m sorry,” Sam apologized.

Bucky’s eyebrow actually raised. That was the whole fun of the game. Coaxing the apology. But of course Sam went and ruined that. Nice guy.

“For what?” Nice recovery, Barnes.

“For waking you up.”

Bucky allowed himself to quirk the corners of his lips, “Gotta be more specific than that,” and his one hand dug into the ribs on Sam’s right side. His fingers groped for the spaces in between and massaged his way in. Sam bucked and laughter was torn from his chest.

Sam was ticklish and only Sarah knew. Of course she knew, being the older sister. But dammit, he was never planning on Bucky Barnes figuring it out. And this was exactly why! The guy would be devastating!

“No! NohohoHO BUCKY!” Sam twisted side to side since that’s all the mobility he was allowed.

“What else are you sorry for? Here, I’ll give you the list,” as Bucky spoke, he had to raise his voice over Sam’s desperate giggles, hand switching to clawing at the other’s belly, “You woke me up with a prank. So there’s that. You lied and blamed AJ and Cass for something you 100% planned. You ran from the scene of the crime. Am I missing anything, Wilson?”

“Screhehehew you!” Sam got out before laughing louder as Bucky’s hand scratched at his armpit, “Stop! Stoppit, you fuhucking cyborg!”

“Oho! I’ll add that! Aaand, oh, and you lied to me about you not being ticklish. You said ‘I’m not,’” Bucky imitated Sam in a very stupid voice, “when clearly you are. Very. Very ticklish.”

Sam was pulling on his arms as much as he could without injuring himself. His veins popped, muscles straining. He was useless like this. Defenseless.

But he was laughing.

That was kind of nice.

Bucky contemplated letting go and allowing Sam to squirm. He liked having him at his mercy like this, though. Made him feel powerful… Hm.

Bucky kept Sam pinned with his vibranium appendage, and he wiped as much of the remaining shaving cream off his face as he could with his right hand.

Sam coughed as he sucked the humid morning air into his lungs. By now he didn’t know if the moistness he felt all along his back was from the dewy grass or from his own sweat.

“No, man, dohon’t,” he saw the absolute mischief painted on Bucky’s gleeful face and his raised shaving cream hand. Bucky planted his palm on the side of Sam’s face, chuckling to himself after the act.

“Aw, you-- you’re real gross, Barnes, you know that?” Sam spit out the imaginary shaving cream that got in his mouth.

“I think I’m just being fair,” Bucky pushed up Sam’s sleep shirt with his free elbow and he started tracing patterns with shaving cream along Sam’s belly. That got Cap giggling all over again.

“Buhuhucky, noho!”

“Keep giggling, Sam, it’s only gonna make me want to keep this up.”

Sam would swear up and down that that particular comment didn’t make him blush, but oh boy he felt his cheeks get warmer.

“I don’t g-gihiggle, asshole!”

“Oh, no?” Bucky switched to scratching at Sam’s taught tummy, the shaving cream making the experience extra slippery, causing Sam’s laughter to jump in pitch.

“I”m sorry!” Sam squeaked out before Bucky could even change tactics again.

Bucky chortled, “For…?”

“Everything! Eheverything you sahahaid!”

“Aww,” Bucky smiled. He pulled his metal arm back and just sat on Sam’s waist, still basking in the glow of winning like this.

Bucky leaned his head down closer to Sam’s, “I forgive you,” he said curtly. He watched the last few huffs and breaths of light laughs leave Sam’s lips. He could get headbutted being this close to Sam’s own face. Or kissed. Wait--

Bucky climbed off of Sam, sitting beside him in the grass. He pulled up the bottom of his shirt and wiped the shaving cream fully off his face.

Sam jabbed Bucky’s abs when the shirt came up and the Winter Soldier twitched.

Sam smiled wide. Bucky, eyes squinted at first, soon relaxed his face and allowed himself to smile back.

“Don’t do that again,” Bucky pointed a vibranium finger at Sam.

“Which part?”

“All of it.”

“You made Cass and AJ very happy.”

“Yeah, well…. They don’t need to prank me to be happy.”

“Yeah they did. Being mischievous. It’s all part of being little kids,” Sam sat up, head tilted Bucky’s way.

“Still.”

“Okay, I was trying to be thankful, jerk. Thanks for handling it like a good sport.”

Bucky looked over at Sam and he held his gaze for a few seconds. Did Sam like what just happened? Or was that just praise for him for not ripping Sam’s nephews limb from limb? Restraint?

“Oof, that brain malfunctions a whole lot, doesn’t it?” Sam was right back to teasing, “Code red!”

Bucky chuckled, head bowed. Sam, proud as ever to get that smile from the Winter Soldier, nudged him.

“You’re so stupid,” was all Bucky could think of saying. Sam laughed.

[andraaste]

I am not your enemy - Lance fanfiction Part 11

I wish you a very good reading 💕

Chapter 11 : Let me take care of you

Facing the ocean stretching out as far as the eye could see right in front of me, I inhaled several long gulps of air, noticing inattention that night began to slowly fall across the sky. Many sounds of wings beating the sky reached my ears and very soon, several draflayels began to flutter all around me. Passing close to my head, I felt my hair fly with each passage of one of the animals on my blanks. Nearly twenty of them gathered at the edge of the cliff, flying in harmony, creating dance-like forms of which only they had the secret. The spectacle that the familiars offered me was perfectly bewitching, I could not take my eyes off this almost intimate moment that they let me share with them.

Some then approached me and began to push me slightly in the direction of their circle. Feeling their pressure on my back increase, I decided to let myself be carried away and enter their twirling cocoon. Their songs, akin to small melodious sounds, mingled together with the regular movement of their wings, thus forming a perfectly studied pattern. It was as if they were trying to tell me something.

Closing my eyes, I let my dangling arms let themselves be carried away by their foreign yet soothing sounds. Probably feeling my fears fly away and my soul calm down, they slowed their pace until they came to focus in mine. My hair flew gently all around my face as I could feel their movements hugging mine. I didn't know how long had passed before their dancing ceased. Opening my eyelids, I watched them resume a more anarchic position to finally move away from the ledge, until I flew over the bluish expanse that adorned the horizon. Eyes lost in the dark, I with a dreamy hand withdrew a lock whose course had been stopped by my lips.

I took a few steps back when I crashed into a large figure standing directly behind me, making me jump in amazement. I turned my head to observe my interlocutor, his white hair contrasting with the surrounding darkness.

Lance gently put his hands on each of my arms, his chest hugging my back.

- It’s only me...

The softness of his voice, at that moment, troubled me, and so positioned against him, I felt strangely good, almost safe. His gaze was deep, no trace of the fog that usually darkened him was present. The blush rose to my cheeks without my being able to control it. I turned my eyes away from his, piercing like blades of ice, to focus again on the horizon.

- You are probably not the Chosen of the Oracle for nothing, he said in a tone so low that no one else could have heard but me, of which I did not discern the slightest trace of irony. The draflayels seemed to be trying to communicate with you.

His jaws clenched slightly at the utterance of those familiars the dragon harbored such hatred for, but for once he remained perfectly calm all the same. His hands caressed my arms for a few seconds before sliding down to let go, letting me turn to observe him.

Without my understanding why, no fear was hovering in my heart at that moment despite the presence of my executioner. It was insane, but yet I felt that something strange was happening between us. His gaze ogled me, troubled me. Our bodies were shown to be improbably drawn to each other. My heart pounded as he slid a lazy hand down my cheek, stroking me with his fingertips.

Lance then leaned towards me with suffocating slowness, bringing his full lips intimately to the edge of mine. Totally hypnotized by each of his gestures, I couldn’t take my gaze from the source of my desire, it inexorably approaching me. So, no longer aware of anything, only letting myself be guided by this attraction for too long silent, I closed my eyes as his mouth almost brushed mine, caressing me with his fresh breath.

His hand moved down the slope of my neck until it stopped just above my chest. I felt a smile cut his face as he put more pressure against my rib cage. Unexpectedly violent, the ground suddenly disappeared from under my feet and my body fell into the void. The fear came over me with such force that all my muscles contracted at the same time, causing a sharp pain to explode in my back, causing my head to spin at full speed. With anguish in my stomach, I watched the tar-black water stretch out its deadly arms to me.

My cry stuck in my throat.

Under the amused gaze of my predator.

I jumped up, this time managing to scream so loudly my dry throat burned. Not being able to breathe properly, I grabbed my head frantically and thrust my hands through my hair, pulling out the handles. Cold sweat beaded all over my body, pressing my t-shirt against my skin as my breathing panicked dangerously. Each of my breaths gave me a sly pain in the middle of my back, accentuating the panic that gradually took over me.

I started to cry, maybe loudly, I didn't know anything about it, thus preventing myself a little more from regaining my air. I relived my fall, over and over, until the force of the water hit me next. I felt it all around me, entering my lungs, dragging me into its abysmal depths. I saw his cold gaze penetrate me again, savoring with relish the spectacle before him, of which he alone was responsible. I felt the fear. The treason. My memories mingled with my nightmare, rendering me unable to disentangle the present moment from my subconscious.

How could Lance have done this to me ?

The door to my room swung open, letting in a large familiar figure before closing the door behind it with a thud. Only a few long strides brought it to the foot of my bed but I didn't pay attention, far too lost in the panic that took hold of my thoughts. Forcing into my field of vision, two hands grabbed mine and pulled them gently from my abused scalp, forcing me to lift my head. My tears increased tenfold at the sight of the traitor of my dreams. I tried to push him away in vain, his fingers tightening around my feverish wrists.

- Leave me, Lance ! I tried to cry, drowned in my flood of tears.

His blue eyes, alert and filled with concern, never left me for a second.

- Stop saying bullshit, he said calmly, not moving a millimeter despite my protests.

Releasing one of my wrists, he slipped a hand against my neck and kept my head firmly pointed towards him, preventing me from looking away from his.

- Calm down Andraste, you had a bad dream.

My tears continued to flow down my cheeks, wetting his thumb in their path.

- Why did you do that ? I asked him, my tone heavy with reproach. Why did you hurt me so much ? Why...

I couldn't continue my sentence, my mouth was shaking so badly that I almost made my lip bleed. For several nights, I had been assailed by the nightmares of my past life, waking up more and more often in these states of madness. I felt like I was losing my mind.

Realizing that I was referring to his actions of seven years ago, the dragon clenched his jaws tightly, his gaze fixed on mine and his hands still holding me firmly.

- Listen to me Andraste and let me speak until the end, he began. I can never redeem myself for everything I have done to you and the Guard, you will never forget it and you must not. But know one thing, whether you like it or not, I will do anything to protect you and try to heal your pain. My actions are unforgivable and I don't want anyone to do it, especially not you. So okay, you'll probably always continue to hate me, but that's the price I have to pay for everything I've done to you.

Lance paused briefly, never diminishing his attention from my face. I was so focused on his words that I forgot everything else, my breathing slowly settling on its own.

- You cannot know how much I dreaded your waking up. Hear your voice again, meet your gaze again after everything I've done to you...

His voice broke slightly over the last few sentences. Guilt was gnawing at him more than I could have imagined, even several years later. My throat tightened again but this time not just because of my dream. His words upset me deep inside me.

- So please Andraste, let me take care of you, he said imploringly, his hand sliding up to my wet cheek, creating a slight tingling on my skin.

Looking through his usually frozen gaze, I saw nothing but guilt. It was one of those remorse that never leaves you, of those that wake you up in the middle of the night, hold you so tight, until you never let go.

Lance dragged his past and his actions like a ball hanging from his ankle.

Letting my gaze still wet on him, despite the darkness I discerned a thick white mark that marked his neck. Seeming to come from the back of his neck, it contrasted sharply against his dark skin, drawing my eyes without discretion.

I realized that it was the first time that I had seen him without a piece of clothing that hid the back of his neck, his simple black top no longer camouflaging it.

Looking up, I caught his gaze on me. The dragon had obviously understood what my attention had drifted onto, but he said nothing about it. He seemed apprehensive for any response from me.

But what could I say to him ? I was angry with him down to the smallest part of my soul ! I wanted him to pay for his actions, and yet...

Still, I wished much more vigorously that he hugged me until everything disappeared. Let him kiss me until nothing more reaches us.

Without worrying about the consequences.

Echoing my dream and my silent impulses, which at first were nothing more than the reminiscence of an old memory, I wrapped my arms around his neck whose skin was much rougher where I had believed to guess a bulky mark, and brought urgently his lips to mine.

My unexpected and unreasonable gesture surprised him at first, my heart skipping several beats in anticipation of his reaction, but quickly, Lance responded to my kiss alarmingly, fiercely responding to the assault of my mouth. His hands suddenly framed my cheeks so that they tilted my face, allowing his tongue to find its way to mine, sickly deepening our shameful embrace. Relieved not to be pushed back, I exhaled against his lips, my breath akin to a moan drowning in the strength of his embrace. Tonight, I felt more than ever the need to cut myself off from the flow of my troubled thoughts. I think we were both aware of the madness of our gesture, but its saving power seemed to be vital to us at this moment.

His hands slid down my sides until he lifted my top. Separating us for a short moment, I raised my arms as he pulled the fabric over my shoulders, sending it flying into a corner of the room. Then putting his arms behind his neck, he tugged at the collar of his and quickly sent it in the direction of the first. Our lips found each other without difficulty, sharing the same uncontrollable thirst. In the adrenaline rush of the moment, I could feel his scales manifesting in places as totally exhilarating currents of energy seemed to run between us.

It was gross. Precipitate.

I thrust my hands casually through his hair as he lifted me up to sit astride him, his feet firmly inked to the floor. Caressing my hips, he meticulously kissed my bare chest, savoring every inch, giving rise to goosebumps on my skin with each trace of his licks. His applied discovery of my body made my head spin, I could feel his desire for me pulsing against the inner thighs. No longer holding it, I pulled his hair with some force to orient his face in the direction of mine. A satisfied smile appeared on his lips as he hugged me tightly.

- Do you know that dragons are impulsive in nature ? he whispered against my ear. You shouldn't be playing the most bossy game between us... although I have to admit that you are really, really sexy like that.

I smile in turn as I let my hand run between us, running down the line of his abs to the waistband of his black pants. A low growl escaped his throat as my fingers slipped under the fabric that separated us.

- I don't know dragons well yet, you might need to explain that to me in more detail...

In response, he clapped his hands under my buttocks and lifted me effortlessly to come and lay me down on the bed. I couldn't help but wince in spite of myself at the contact of the mattress against my back, a throbbing pain suddenly seizing me.

Unfortunately, Lance noticed this and immediately stopped his gestures.

- Are you in pain somewhere?

- It's nothing... I lied, trying to find his lips to silence him, but he stopped my momentum and pulled away from me.

- I can see that something is wrong, show me your back, he said in a tone that left no time to reply, straightening up at the same time.

Lying half naked, I huffed loudly as I sat up on the bed, curling up before deftly hugging the sheets to my chest. With my back to him, I allowed him to turn on the dim light on my nightstand, clenching my fists in apprehension. I waited several long seconds in a leaden silence, doubt starting to rise in me at his sudden silence. The dragon crouched behind me before gently letting his fingers run over the thin skin in the center of my back.

I couldn't help but clench my jaws in pain at his unbelievably soft touch.

- Andraste...

- Is that repulsive ? I cut him off, my voice trembling slightly.

I dared not meet his gaze so much shame consumed me. I knew very well what it was and it was probably not good...

- Since when do your wings try to come out ?

- Approximately since our training, I don’t know exactly... but you didn’t answer my question.

Lance sat down next to me before grabbing his fingers on my chin, forcing me to stop avoiding his icy gaze, my tongue loosening in spite of myself.

- I dream that I fall, I began. Again and again. And when that happens... I think my body is trying to call on my wings to save me. But I can’t.

- Since when does it hurt you ?

- About a week, but the pain is more and more present...

His grave expression made my stomach turn, what was wrong with me ?

- Did you see what your back looked like ? he inquired.

- During the first nightmares, yes. They resolved themselves, there were no traces. But now... I don't dare look anymore, Lance.

The dragon slowly let go of my face, casually resting his hand on my lap.

- My angel, you absolutely have to show this to Eweleïn.

(Chapter 12)

[nikmikaelsonswife]

In the Dark of the Night.

Description: His confession rocks the ground beneath your feet and you’re forced to make a decision: repeat history and find solace in the past or move on for good.

Pairing: Mikaelson Brother x Fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, implied smut, swearing, mature themes (15+)

Word Count: 1,281

A/N: for @hellotvshowtrash’s prompt challenge! (my birthday too) i left the male unnamed so you can decide whichever mikaelson brother’s pov you want to read it from. hope you enjoy. taglist.

My name fell from her lips in a gentle whisper, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. If I did, I wouldn’t have been able to resist crawling back in bed and forbidding her from leaving my arms. If only she knew I felt that way.

The moonlight casted through my bedroom window, illuminating my bare form in the darkness. The midnight air was cool, replacing the passionate heat that had been there not that long ago.

I could feel her gaze on my back, shamelessly watching as I took a sip from my glass. Could hear the way her breathing faltered, as if she spotted something she hadn’t seen before. That was impossible, for the map of my body was forever imprinted in her mind, with as many times she had explored it.

“We can’t keep doing this.”

My heart dropped at her solemn tone, my head turning so I could make out her form, curled up in my bed, underneath my sheets, in my peripheral vision. She took it as a sign to continue.

“You fuck me like you love me, but treat me like you despise me. What did I ever do to deserve your hatred?”

Her words immediately set a flame within my chest, a pang in my heart from how much they hurt. Was she truly that oblivious? Were my intentions unclear? When I fully turned to face her, her eyes rounded at the furrow in my brow and the anger in my gaze. “How could you ever allow those words to pass your lips?”

My voice was low, an emotional undertone blantant in the way I spoke. “I never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.” At that my hardened expression dropped, my face pained. I was vulnerable, but I felt safe enough around her to allow my façade to crack.

I noticed then, as I sat down by her legs, that she had pulled the sheets up to her chest to cover her modesty. I didn’t pay it any mind. “Even after our marriage ended, no woman — no person — has come close to having such control over my heart.”

I met her eyes, my own warm with adoration as I hoped to show her just how much I meant it all. “I’m still as in love with you as I was all those centuries ago. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, my feelings remain the same.”

“It’s unreal. So unbelievable that not even I know the extent of my love.”

I wasn’t aware of what brought the sudden confession, as it was secret I had kept buried ever since she reentered my life almost a year ago. And every time we came together in the dark of the night, it felt as if I was conveying it through the way I made love to her.

Perhaps it wasn’t enough.

She adverted her gaze, her heart thumping so wildly against her rib cage that I stopped listening. She ran her fingers through her hair, her eyelids falling shut as she attempted to control her breathing. Watching her react like that, it lessened my certainty of what her response would be.

I had so much confidence in our love, that it could’ve been considered idiotic. The last time she told me those three words that meant more than she’d ever know was nearly a decade ago. Eight years was more than enough time for her to move past what we had. It was then when I began to panic, aware that I wouldn’t be able to handle her rejection.

“(Y/N)?” Her eyes snapped open, glossed over with unshed tears, resembling my own. “I need you. Please don’t hurt me like this.”

She breathed my name, “You don’t even know what I was about to say.”

“I know you well enough. You don’t feel the same. You don’t love me anymore.”

“I’m doing this because I love you!” She met my gaze, beautiful eyes tinted red. Her full lips were pursed as she dropped a hand from her unruly hair to grab my own. “You don’t want me to question how you feel for me? Don’t question how I feel for you.”

I gently shook my head, adverting my gaze but I gripped her hand tight in my own. It felt the same, as if she was preparing me for heartbreak. A pain both of us knew would be my undoing.

Admittedly, I had become more dependent on her than ever. She was the light that guided me through the inevitable, overwhelming darkness; my strength as well as my weakness.

Without her, I didn’t have either. It would leave too much space, too much emptiness in the statue that was the man I had become. So much that I would be left without an identity. To be concise, if I lost her, I’d be losing myself.

“We can’t go back,” she cried, sniffling, “I can’t go back. We’re not good for each other.” Her explanation wasn’t enough for me.

“You wanted to put a stop to this because you assumed I hated you.” I was stern despite the tears that rolled down my cheeks. “Now you know the truth. We aren’t the same people that we were long ago, (Y/N). We won’t make the same mistakes.”

“You don’t know that!” Her voice had rose in volume, startling both of us for a short moment. When she spoke again, it had lowered. “That heartache—”

“Is it not worth the risk?” I interjected, meeting her eyes, my mood shifting within half a second. I was unable to conceal my ill temper. “Why can’t you believe that I wouldn’t ever hurt you again? Why can’t you have faith in us?”

“It’s not that easy. You obviously aren’t aware of what I went through the first time.” Her expression was incredulous, as she seemed truly offended by my words. “You don’t think I want it back? You don’t think I want to wake up every morning in your arms and be able to call myself Mrs. Mikaelson? I miss it more than anything! But I refuse to — I can’t — I won’t — ever place myself in that position to feel the way I did because of you.”

We had traded places once again. She was upset, infuriated and I felt heavy. As if there was a pit in my stomach, dragging me down into that same darkness I tried my hardest everyday to fight. How had the night come to this?

“Sleeping with you was a mistake.”

She pulled her hand from mine.

I felt nauseous, helpless as I watched her slip off the bed and begin to pull on her clothing with the help of her inhuman speed. “(Y/N)....” It was plead, barely above a whisper, almost cry-like.

“And if you truly love me and know me, you’ll never contact me again. You’ll see my face and walk in the other direction. You’ll hear someone mention my name and won’t ask questions. You’ll move on because it’s what’s best for the both of us.”

It wasn’t what was best for me at all. She was setting a path for destruction.

Though, I knew it was over — for now at least, since I’d never give her up so easily — so I didn’t fight it. “You sound like you hate me.” It was the only thing I could fully register at that moment.

She wasn’t far away from my bedroom door when she turned around, looked me in the eyes and said, “It’s not that I hate you, it’s that I love you too goddamn much.”

[obsessive-ego]

Beetlejuice x reader (ambiguous pronouns)

Prompt: Beetlejuice starts digging around your things in the dead of night. Not having the most structured sleep schedule, you hear him, and in the state of sleep deprivation forget that Beetlejuice was staying over, this mistaking him for an intruder. Hilarity ensues.

It was late, nearing one am. You only noticed this because you realised you had been sat in the dark, which you swore it had just been light, on another video binge that ended up rabbit holeing through videos of countless interesting topics. You sighed at yourself and your lack of awareness when it came to the passage of time. You've done this exact thing many times before. You took off your headphones and set your sights on actually trying to sleep. With the lack of a bulky headset blocking your ears, however, sounds of rustling and movement echoed from outside your room. You stiffened, listening to it. Someone was definitely in your house, there was no mistaking it. Carefully, slowly, you slipped out of bed to grab the bat out from under your bed. An impulse buy, you only bought it because it had "Li'l Bitch" carved into the top and the mental image of "accidentally" imprinting that on someone with a whack made you laugh. While remembering this made you grin, it faded at you hearing a soft thud. Were they upstairs or downstairs? It was hard to tell with the closed door. How long had the intruder even been in the house? Focusing on the problem at hand, you crept to the door and slowly opened it, peeking around it. You cringed when it let out a creak, straining to hear if there was more movement.

Thankfully, whoever was present was not sneaking around upstairs, meaning your awareness of their presence was undetected. You could hear their movements clearer now, and they were clearly downstairs. You were so grateful to yourself for having the common sense to keep your more important things in your room. Creeping over to the stairs, you kept your eyes peeled for any movement in the halls. Throat dry in fear, knuckles white from the death grip you had on your bat, you descended. You made sure that the stairs wouldn't creak by tiptoeing along the sides, slowly putting pressure in each step before commiting. You did not want to alert the potential threat to your presence. They could be armed. They could have intent to kill. Sneaking up on them and knocking them out was the best bet, the cops can be called once they were subdued.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, you worked out that the culprit was in the living room. You listened close, for any hint as to where exactly, before slowly inching closer for a glance. They were faced away for you, searching. It was dark, no lights on, so they wouldn't see a shadow if you snuck up. All you had to do was be quiet and get a hefty hit.

Taking in a deep breath, you advanced, bat at the ready. Your heart hammered loudly in your chest. Blood rushed in your ear as you got closer, eyes scanning over the vague silhouette for any clue that they'd turn. You froze as they straightened up.

"Nothing… Bet they keep all the juicy stuff hidden…"

So they were looking for things to steal! Taking another step closer, you got ready to swing. A creak of the floor betrayed you.

"Huh?"

Instincts kicking in, you swung the bat at their head as they turned. You put way too much force in it, in your panic. With a pained yell, the head went flying across the room, leaving a headless body standing in front of you. You stumbled back in shock, a scream getting caught in your throat. The body felt in the air for its lack of a head, to check it was really gone, before feeling around. In it's fumbling it turned on a lamp, and you instantly recognized who the body belonged to- Beetlejuice. That's right, he was staying over. He must have gotten bored while you "slept"...

"Yowzer! That hurt, doll, when'd you get so strong!?"

The demon cried out from somewhere across the room.

"Over here, dummy, come on!"

He made a series of whistling sounds in the hopes of getting his body to find him. It was fairly useless without the head so it had difficulty following the source of the sound. You watched Beetlejuice's body struggle to locate him as you clutched your chest, recovering from the scare. The anticipation leading up to the shocking conclusion really made the whole ordeal all the more frightening, and your sleep deprived state did nothing to help cool the adrenaline rush. It took a moment for you to realise Beetlejuice was calling your name.

"Will you help me out, already? I'm sorry for looking through your things, I won't do it again, maybe, just pick me up! It's dirty in here!"

You went over to the source of the complaints, a little amused at how you managed to hit his head directly into the fireplace that you never used. Who actually owns working fireplaces anymore, anyway? Dropping the bat, you reached in to pull the soot covered head of Beetlejuice out from there. He coughed his thanks, covering your shirt in more soot.

"Just slap me back on my neck, will you? You have no idea how annoying it is not having limbs."

You pondered the demand. He was looking through your things, and you'd quite like to know why, actually. Not to mention, a swift hit to the head was most likely not enough to teach the demon a lesson in privacy.

You gripped Beetlejuice's head by the hair, irritated by how that made him let out a purr, and shook him to get the dust and dirt off of him. He made an amusing, warbling yell, obviously not too fond of the gesture. His eyes rolled around in dizziness when you stopped. Beetlejuice groaned as you dumped his head onto the couch, tugging his body away from him by it's tie.

"Hey, hey hey, what are you doing?"

"I want to know exactly why you were looking through my things. You're not getting your body back until you tell me, and you better be honest."

Beetlejuice frowned, watching you as you turned the light on. You picked the bat back up, letting go of his body to turn back to Beetlejuice. You'll use your trust weapon to keep his body away from his head, if it tries anything.

"You won't last, you're supposed to be sleeping."

"You're right! That's why if you take too long, I'm going to go upstairs with your body and use it as a nice weighted blanket while you're stuck down here."

"WHAT?! Without me?"

You had to snicker at his dejected whine.

"Yes, that's what I said. Me and Dummy here are going to snuggle while you have to wait for the sun to rise, and probably longer seeing as I'm so tired. I'll definitely wake up late."

You couldn't help but speak in a taunting manner. It wasn't often you had the advantage over the demon, so it was a bit of a power trip when you did.

"You really know how to break down my walls, huh?"

You pushed the body away from you as it moved to grab at your head, as if it wanted to steal it for itself.

"Yep. Tick tock, you wouldn't want to have to wait for so long, right? So unable to do anything but stare at the unchanging surroundings…"

"Ok, ok, fine! I was looking for things you like, I… Well, it was supposed to be a surprise but… I wanted to get you a gift…"

You blinked at him in surprise. A gift? This had to be a joke, or some lie told to hide some other devious intent.

"... I said be honest."

"I am! I heard about the festival, holiday thingy that you breathers have, think it's called, uh, Valentide's Day, and I thought, well, you're my favourite breather, so… I'd get you a gift like people do."

You could feel your cheeks gaining colour as he spoke.

"It's Valentine's day… And typically, that's reserved for romantic gestures…"

"Romantic? Hmm…"

He looked down, pondering.

"Weeell, if you want me to put some petals on your bed too~"

You groaned, poking the body away from you with a bat as it tried to swipe your head again.

"Can I please have my body back, now? I did what you asked, even if it meant spoiling the surprise!"

Beetlejuice pouted at you, giving big pleading eyes in the hopes of you agreeing. You sighed, giving in. He had done as you asked, and you were too tired to milk the otherwise perfect opportunity to mess with him further. You dropped your bat, moving to pick him up.

His body had other plans, however. Hearing you unarm yourself, he lunged forward to snatch you up. You yelled in surprise, struggling in his grip.

"No, no, out 'em down you Dummy!"

Beetlejuice berated it to no avail. You squirmed in the hold, but it was just as strong as Beetlejuice always was. You were stuck.

"Help me out, Beets, there has to be something I can do to make him let go!"

From the face Beetlejuice made, it confirmed that there was. However, he seemed very hesitant to tell.

"I dunno, you might use it against me…"

That was true. Not even a might, having something to one up him would be lovely, and definitely put to good use. You weren't above lying, though.

"Of course not, Beetlejuice! Say, hey, if you tell me, I can still do the cuddling up plan- but with yoooou involved. Head and all!"

Jackpot, his face lit up at the suggestion.

"Really? You'd let me in your bed?"

"Yes! But I need to get out to reunite you to your body first."

Beetlejuice made a hesitant noise, waying up the options. In the end, the enticing over of getting to cuddle up with you was too good to pass up.

"Fine! But do not use it against me, I'll get you back for it if you do! Just… scratch at his ribs, not too hard, and he'll let go."

You nodded, shuffling in the body's hold to reach for them. You dig your nails in, raking them across it's ribs. The body shuddered before it let you out of its vice grip. You stumbled back, watching as it hugged his chest.

"Hold on, are you ticklish?"

"Are you?"

You squinted at Beetlejuice, who mimicked the action. With a tired sigh, you picked his head up and slapped it down onto his neck. He let out a pleased sigh, grabbing his head to turn it 360°, making sure it was firmly in place. You grinned when you noticed "Li'l Bitch" was imprinted on his cheek, and he squinted at you.

"Seriously, though, are you?"

Upon him clawing his hand at you, you kicked your bat up, grabbing it from the air smoothly. He got the message, holding his hands up in surrender. The fact you did that successfully was impressive enough to warrant a minor truce.

You turned away, heading towards the stairs.

"Try anything and I'll banish you. Also turn the lights off before you follow."

"You got it, boss!"

Crawling into bed after the whole ordeal could not have been more satisfying. The exhaustion hit you like a truck. Beetlejuice was quick to follow, diving under the covers before popping his head out, having gotten comfortable on top of you. You realised that he was likely not going to sleep, and he'd instead watch you. You were too sleepy to care, however, already dozing off. For a moment you wondered if he found anything to clue in on what gift to give to you… You decide you'd definitely look into finding in a gift, too, tomorrow.

...

I am hollering

This is beautiful

I cant Express that enough

My Only issue is that the tumblr app doesnt notify me when I get a submission lol

But like wow

I love the head and body bit so much, headless beej being a grabbing bastard 😩👌

Thank you SO much for sharing this

[fluffymcu]

Letting Loose

Part SEVENTEEN

This series is TICKLE related.

Series Summary:  You’re the little sister of the one and only Captain America. You’re also the youngest girl on the team, so that automatically makes you the avengers’ little princess. And they spoil you as such. They have become your amazing family and you don’t know where you’d be without them. This series will show random adventures and fluffy events in the daily life of the reader and her family, along with an unexpected turn later on as you read.

A/N: I’m so excited to be writing this series! This is my first time writing one and I’m a bit nervous but I hope it all goes well. :)  Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 2,986

This morning you, Peter and Ruby Anne had gotten dressed and ready to go out into the city for some good pizza. The three of you made your way down to the kitchen where a few members of the team were. Bucky, Steve, Bruce, and Tony were there, having breakfast and coffee.

“Hey good morning. Me and the girls are gonna go to the city to get some pizza!” Peter said, you and ruby following behind him. Tony made a weird face and Steve raised an eyebrow at you.

“Pizza for breakfast?” Tony asks. You and Peter shrug before you speak.

“Why not?” Tony just shrugs with both brows raised and waves you off.

“Alright. Go have fun I guess.”

-------

You were at a booth, playing a game on your phone while you waited for Peter and Ruby. They were at the line ordering their mini pizzas and you were securing your seats. Peter ordered what you wanted and now the three of you were sitting at the booth waiting for your pizzas to come out of the pizza oven.

You all made small talk while your drinks came, and made plans to once again stop by the pet shop down the street. It was tradition that every time you went to get pizza, you'd have to stop by the pet shop and look at all the puppies.

“Have you ever been to a pet shop?” You asked Ruby, who was taking a bite out of her pizza. She shook her head as she swallowed her food.

“No, I've never been. I'm not really a dog person.” You gasped at that. You had assumed everyone on earth was a dog person. Who doesn’t love puppies?!

“Really?!”

“Yeah, I guess it’s cause I never had a dog, or met one up close, but I don’t know, they just never caught my attention.” She shrugged. You nodded side to side and hummed.

“Well, now’s your chance to change your mind. Me and Peter have this tradition to stop by the pet shop down the street and look at all the puppies. Peter never lets me go in though, because he thinks that if I go in, I'm walking out with a puppy in my hands.” You say, rolling your eyes. Peter scoffs and rolls his eyes as well.

“I don’t think. I know you will. And then Tony’s gonna blame me for letting you.” He said.

“Whatever. Anyway yeah, so we just look at the animals from the window. But… maybe todayyy can be different!” You say, hope dripping from your voice and you turn to look at Peter with a sly grin. “Since we have Ruby Anne, we have to show her inside! So she can meet a puppy up close and maybe change her mind! Come on, pleaseee? Can we go in, I promise not to adopt anything, I promise!” you plead, pulling out your puppy eyes, knowing he almost always falls for that.

Peter lets out a heavy sigh and rolls his eyes, making your cheer. “Fineee, just because of Ruby Anne.” He says, getting up and waiting for you all to go to the shop.

------

“They’re really cute! And so soft!” Ruby chuckled, walking out of the pet shop with you and Peter on either side of her. She had a really good time looking at all the little puppies and going into the small booths to pet them and snuggle them.

“Right? They’re amazing! Hey, I'm pretty sure now, that if you asked tony for a puppy, he wouldn’t hesitate.” You say with a smug smile of your face as you wiggle your eyebrows at her. She lets out a short laugh. Peter knows exactly why you said that and looks at you while he giggles.

“Dohohon’t even start.”

-----------

You had come home about an hour ago and practiced some ballet as well as training a bit with your brother in the gym. You were now walking in the yard with Ruby Anne, having a nice little girl talk. You were talking to her about Jeremy as you both took a seat on one of the benches in the garden.

“Hmm. Maybe Steve is right.” Ruby chuckled. You shook your head with a smile.

“I used to doubt it but, now I don’t know what to think. But I do know that “we” would never happen.” You scoff. Ruby hums and stares off at the flowers. “What about you? Any crushes you got?” You smirked, nudging her with your elbow. Ruby scoffed and paused for a moment.

She shook her head almost sadly. “Not anymore. It didn’t work out.” She shrugged. You hummed and gave her an apologetic look.

“Well… he's an idiot for not seeing your worth.” You say. Ruby laughs at that and raises her eyebrows as she nods sarcastically.

“Yeah well, its fine. He likes some other girl. She’s so much better for him. They compliment each other very nicely.” She smiles.

“Don’t say that, you are enough. There's no “girl that’s better”. Everyone has something that makes them valuable. You’ll find someone that sees that in you.” You grin, giving her shoulder a comforting pat. She nods and gives you a shy smile.

“Thanks.” She sighs. “So, your turn. You got a crush?” she asks. You take a deep breath and stretch your arms a bit.

“…. I don’t know actually. I mean, I see guys and find them attractive but, I'm not really at the point where I wanna date yet. And I guess that’s what's stopping me. I wanna appreciate and take advantage of my youth. Maybe- I don’t know. I just feel sometimes that when you date at a young age, especially when you both are still growing and immature, you're basically dating for heartbreak.” You shrug. “So I figured I’d just wait, and save myself the pain. I’ll find the right one eventually. But of course, that’s just my take on it.” You chuckle. Ruby nods and smiles.

“Yeah… that’s kinda true I guess.”

-----------

Pietro had brought some Chinese home so everyone gathered to have lunch today. You were having some orange chicken and rice and you couldn’t be happier. After everyone was almost done, Tony spoke.

“So guys I was thinking we should have our movie night outside, what do you think? We set up the yard real nice, weather’s good, we could set up the projector and have our snacks.” He said, smiling when everyone started to agree. You were really excited at the idea and couldn’t wait to set everything up.

That was until now.

After lunch you had taken a shower and a nap. You hadn’t realized its been hours that you were asleep but you were just so tired, you didn’t know why. So when Tony came waltzing into your room to wake you up, your motivation to go help outside was very low.

“Y/nn, wake up…” he sang lightly shaking your shoulder a bit. You groaned loudly, hugging your pillow tighter. “You said you wanted to help with the yard, you’ve been sleeping for a while, its 7:30 and its getting dark. Peter and Ruby are already outside.”

You groaned again, burying your face into the pillow. “mmm. Don’t care.” You mumbled sleepily. Tony smiled softly.

“Aww come on, you don’t wanna get up?” he asked in a very sweet voice. You shook your head no. “You sure? You promised you'd help…” He said, smirking as he lightly started scratching your sides. You began you giggle and kick your feet tiredly, tightening your grip on the pillow.

“Noooohoho. Stohohop.” Your giggles were muffled as you kept your face planted in the pillow. Tony added more pressure, waking you up a bit more and causing you to squirm around. Your laughter became louder and you began to push his hands away as much as you could. “Tohohonyyy!” You yelled, cacklling when his fingers drilled mercilessly into your ribs and you shook him off, giving you enough time to grab the sheets and engulf yourself in them, using the comforter as a shield.

“Come on, get up!” He sang, before smirking. “If you don’t get up, I’ll eat your belly!” He said, poking his head under the covers and hugging your waist to his face, playfully biting and nibbling your stomach. You scream in ticklish agony and flop around as much as possible. His beard was driving you crazy and the noms and noises he was making were not helping at all. “TOHOHOHONY STOHOHOP!” You cry, unable to defend yourself since you were getting tangled up in the covers.

Tony ignored your protests, playfully growling and rubbing his beard all around your torso, occasionally biting your ribs. “I don’t hear a surrender!”

You erupted into loud belly laughter when he began to continuously blow raspberries into your belly. That was the breaking point for you, and you finally decided to give in to make it stop. ”OKAHAHAY ILL GET UHUHUP PLEHEHEHASE!!” You begged, pushing at his head desperately. Tony blew one last raspberry before poking his head out of the covers. He chuckled loosely and helped you untangle yourself from the blankets, giving you a hand to get you out of the bed.

“Glad I was able to convince you. Now come on.” He smiled, leading you out of your room. You whined slightly and lazily walked wherever he led you.

Everyone was out in the backyard, blankets and pillows everywhere, ready to be set up. Steve and Clint were pinning the big white sheet in between 2 close trees and setting the projector up.

When you had gotten to the yard, you went towards Peter, who was helping Thor and Bruce set up the snack and drink table. “Look who finally came out of her coma!” Peter teased, smirking as you rolled your eyes. “Wanna roll down the hill?” he asked, pointing behind him. The backyard had a small hill that the 2 of you liked to roll down off. It wasn’t steep, but it was high enough for it to be fun to roll down. You nodded with a grin.

“Where’s Ruby?” you ask, looking around for her.

“She’s helping Wanda put up the lights. We were practicing cartwheels a bit ago. She’s pretty good!” he said, walking up the hill with you. You smiled at the thought of them playing around.

“Cool! I'm glad she had fun.” You both had your blankets and wrapped yourselves up in them before laying down. “Ready? First one down gets the last pop tart.” You giggle, ready to roll. Peter’s smile faltered as he craned his neck to look at you.

“Wait, what? There's only one left?!” he asked.

“321GO!” You yelled, immediately rolling down, leaving Peter to scramble around and roll down, already too late to win. You were giggling and closing your eyes as you spun and spun until you slowed to a stop. You unraveled yourself and looked up just in time to see Peter roll to a stop. You laughed along with him and both got up, him helping you.

“That was so not fair.” He chuckled.

“I was just kidding about the pop tarts.” You started. Peter sighed in relief. “There’re none left. Thor finished them all.” You tittered, shrugging a shoulder. Peter deflated and groaned, making you laugh.

-------

WHACK!

You and Peter were in the middle of one of your many pillow fights while the rest of the team were finishing up. All that was left was putting the blankets and pillows down. 

You were aiming at Peter and were about to smack him, your arm bent over your head when your pillow was suddenly snatched from behind. You gasped and turned around to see Nat tucking it under her arm.

“Nat!’‘ You cried. She gave you a shrug and half a smirk. 

“What? This is my pillow, I need it.” She said, walking away and leaving you to get quickly knocked to the ground by Peter with the pillow. You could tell he wasn’t done so you quickly got up and and ran, giggling loudly as he chased you. 

You circle around the food table to where Steve is and you run behind him, hugging him for protection. He’s taken aback at first; giving you a weirded out smile, unaware of Peter standing a few feet away, and returning the hug. You beam at him, giving him your brightest smile and looking back over at Peter, who’s glaring at you playfully. You grin and stick your tongue out, watching as he leaves but not before quietly telling you that he’ll be back for you. 

You finally leave your brother’s side once you deem the coast is clear and go help Nat who’s laying the blankets down. 

After helping out a bit, you spot Ruby Anne talking to Peter a little far away. They’re both laughing and you smile to yourself, happy that you’ve been seeing her smile a lot more. You were glad that she actually did what she said she was gonna do and give the team a chance. There was still a lot of progress that she and Tony would have to make, but the more you saw her interact with the other members, you knew things would only get easier from here.

As you’re laying a blanket down, you smirk widely at an unexpecting Bucky, who’s sitting on the ground with his back to you, changing the batteries on some of the battery powered candles. An idea to surprise him slipped in your head and you couldn’t stop yourself. When it came to Bucky, messing with him was your favorite hobby. You didn’t know what made him so fun to prank but he was. 

You grabbed the blanket back and snuck up behind him, careful not to make any noise before throwing the blanket over his head and pulling down/back so that he falls on his back. With a laugh you try to get away but somehow he manages to quickly grab a hold of your ankle before you can run. You scream and protest as he begins to slowly drag you over to him with the blanket still over his head. “Nononononoooohohooo!” You giggle nervously, kicking and rolling around with no avail.

“I wonder who this could be?” He hums, blindly tickling all over you, starting with your thighs, mercilessly tasing them, knowing how that drives you crazy. You’re letting out loud uncontrollable giggles as you pointlessly try to kick your legs out. “Hmm. Feels like... female, mid-teens,” He starts, digging his thumbs into your hips making you convulse with laughter. “About __ lbs., Extremely ticklish, hmm... seems familiar...” He moves his hands to your sides, rapidly squeezing them, smiling at the sound of your laughter. “Apparent poor defense skills,,, very sneaky though; always out to get me...” 

Your stomach was beginning to cramp from all the laughter and teasing. You were begging for him to stop but he only ignored your pleas. 

“God- I know this! I’ve heard that laugh before! It can’t be Peter, it’s gotta be...” Bucky sighed feigning defeat, playing dumb and prolonging the torture for you.  “I feel like this could be y/n but I’m not sure.” He shrugged, shaking his fingers into your ribs. 

“IT’S MEHEHEHEHE!” You cry, throwing your head back as you laughed. Bucky gasped before ripping the blanket off of him and blowing raspberries on your belly. You shriek and arch your back violently, bursting out into hysterics. Your body falls limp as you laugh and accept your fate. 

“I knew it! There’s only one person who’s brave enough to constantly mess with me and think she can get away with it!” He teases, blowing another raspberry and shaking his head into it, chuckling against your skin when you let out a small snort. He sits back briefly only to start leaning down towards your neck. You immediately know what he wants to do and you shrug your shoulder up with a squeal. “Nooohohoho! It’s gonna tihihickle so bahahad!” You cackle. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He said. He chuckled loosely and blew the raspberry in the crook of your neck. Your body instantly paralyzed when you screamed, falling into silent laughter . He finally sat back and watched as you we’re just a giggly puddle on the ground. “I wonder when you’re going to learn that pranking me almost never works out for you.” He thought out loud, smiling as you let out residual giggles sprawled out on the floor. 

“Neveheher.” You say, shaking your head tiredly. Bucky snorts at that and shakes his head at you fondly before scooping you up and laying you on his lap. “You gonna sit with me while the movie plays?” He asks, wrapping his arms around you, cuddling you to his chest. You nod firmly with a hum and cover yourself with a blanket since it’s getting chilly out. The yard is all set up and everyone finds their seats and watch the movie as a family. 

It’s about 2am when the movie ends and everyone is having another snack at the food table. Tony had said that it would be better to clean up tomorrow, since it was late, so all they had to do was clean the food table and bring the leftovers in. Since Bucky had gone to help, you were clingily holding onto Steve’s arm since you were so sleepy you couldn’t even stand on your own. 

When everything wrapped up and you all said your goodnights, you raised your arms at Steve, hinting at the fact that you wanted him to carry you inside. He huffed out a laugh and rolled his eyes, but obliged anyway; picking you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck as he carried you inside and up to your room where you quickly fell asleep. 

[breathings-of-the-heart]

Imagine Levi Confessing his Love for You

A/N: THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ THE TEXT BELOW BEFORE PROCEEDING THANK YOU :))

HERE IS A TIMELINE /  EXPLANATION / BACKGROUND INFORMATION BECAUSE CASE THE TIME SKIPS OF THIS STORY ARE CONFUSING: I’m sorry for that everyone, I know the dates are sloppy and as a whole this fic doesn’t make too much sense; I tried to edit this piece as best I could to make the story as easy to follow as possible, but seeing as I can’t unpublish part 1 or 2, the cleanup still leaves things bit unclear. These imagines were originally chapters of a longer Levi x Reader fic that I decided to discontinue, which is why there are so many loose ends. Here was my original intention for this story, broken down for the few who choose to read the Author’s Notes lol.

We are going to do this in the order of the 3 part fic (I also put attached all the links to the titles)

Part 1: Imagine Relating to Mikasa About Loving Someone in the Military

The scene is set during the events of SEASON 1 of Attack on Titan, BEFORE the Female Titan Arc. (Y/N) was also hand selected by Levi to be part of the original Special Operation Squad; she bit her hand at the dinner table along with Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oluo to show their dedication and understanding towards Eren wayyy back in the beginning of the series. The Survey Corps is making preparations for their first attempt to go to Shiganshina since the Fall of Wall Maria and not only uncover the mole who killed captive titans Sonny and Bean, but also to get to Eren’s basement.

Part 2: To Love Another

The flashback and opening scene in the beginning of this writing piece (where (Y/N) and Hange are talking to each other) occurs shortly after (Y/N) wakes up in the infirmary room, before anyone breaks the news that she, aside from an injured Levi, is the last surviving member of Squad Levi after Annie killed the others in the Forest of Giant Trees in her female titan form. Hange’s intentions were to bring the (Y/N) and Levi together so they would be able to support each other during this mutual loss. But alas, (Y/N) accepts his rejection and the two suffer the aftermath of this tragic news alone. To read this arc for context/bonus content to get a better understanding of this mini series, see my posts (as a sort of prequel, if you will) Imagine Levi Finding you Injured on an Expedition and Imagine Being the Last Member of Squad Levi To Survive to fill that time gap :)

In real-time, all of Season 2 and Season 3 Part 1 have gone by with limited interaction between (Y/N) and Levi. This part of the story is occurring during Season 3 PART 2, (spoilers) after the Coup D'etat, and after Historia becomes Queen. (Y/N) is no longer an active soldier, having sustained injuries too severe to be reliable in combat. She remains useful to the Corps as a battle strategist, however, which allows her to stay. The Scouting Regiment is currently preparing to go to Eren’s basement in their second attempt, knowing Reiner and Berthold will be waiting for them there.

Part 3: Imagine Levi Confessing his Love for You (YOU ARE HERE)

This part takes place pretty much a week or so after the events of “To Love Another.” It is revealed how much (Y/N) has isolated herself in the months between Parts 1 and 2 from not only Levi, but Hange, the only one besides Mikasa who knew about her feelings for Levi prior to their falling out. (Y/N) confesses her feelings for Levi before the mission to Shiganshina in Season one, and the fic parallels itself and comes full circle once their final interaction occurs before the second and final mission to Shiganshina, for which, (Y/N) is unable to go for her death would be almost certain. She seen to be more valuable inside the walls, where she can carry on the duties of the Survey Corps should the entire regiment collapse during the mission. This is the final part :)

I HOPE THAT CLEARS THINGS UP!

requested by @a-single-uwo @dracq and @little-diva-gurl and a lovely anon who def isn’t the happiest that this took so long. Deepest apologies! Hope this was worth the wait. I also hope this post finds everyone safe and in good health during these crazy times <3

~~~~~

Dread bottled up in the bottom of your stomach, which threatened to fall down to your knees. Even Hange’s eyes brimmed with concern when she informed you that Levi requested your presence in his office; all of which was out of the blue, uncharacteristic, after months of him being accustomed to giving you your space.

Feigning annoyance, you stared at the soldier dummy two paces ahead, dented heavily with the marks of your punches. The sun was beating down on the early autumn day, and heat waves rose from the ground. It illuminated the glistening perspiration sliding down your figure, torso rising and falling in short breaths of exhaustion.

Hange watched you carefully from a distance. She noticed your tense muscles, clad in a sports bra and boxing shorts; the lack of attire made it impossible to hide the sudden tension and stiffness embedded in your lean muscles, a tell tale sign of distress. As a creature of observation and analytics, the Squad Leader could sense your discomfort as if it was written across your forehead.

The brunette watched you wipe the sweat off your forehead and yell in frustration, turning towards her direction and moving to land a kick at her head.

Unfazed and in possession of sharp reflexes, Hange took a step back, only to watch as you twisted mid-air and landed a 360 Crescent kick to the dummy-shaped bag, which broke open on impact under the force of the blow. Sand poured out of its opening and spilled onto the ground in a steady stream that grew less heavy as the seconds passed.

“I’ll have to admit, you are getting better, but (Y/N), don’t get your hopes up,” Hange cautioned. “The problem does not reside in your muscles. No matter how well you learn to fight like you used to, Annie crushed your ribs and threw you to the ground: it's your lungs that will never recover. You can’t come with us to Shiganshina tomorrow like this.”

Hunched over with hands on your knees, you regained a regular breathing pattern and began to feel the explosive pain in your chest. Airways blocked, you began coughing, willing the oxygen to enter your body.

“Let me humor myself, Hange-san. If I don’t try, I might go insane.”

It was almost tragic that such a young soldier was out of commission; you were full of promise, rivalling Mikasa in skill. Hange knew you were itching to do what you trained for your whole life: Coming to Shiganshina and putting it all on the line had always been your number one goal. You didn’t want to be left behind again, to die bitter and alone without the only people you cared about.

“Regardless, (Y/N), you’re stalling,” Hange smoothly shifted the topic of conversation back to what brought her to you in the first place. “He still has that power over you, huh?”

"It'll pass eventually," you sighed, hoping the words were true.

You bowed towards the tall female. She smiled in return, shaking her head softly.

Whilst pacing away, said person stopped you once more.

“(Y/N). For what it’s worth, I stand by what I said before. Don’t look so nervous, okay?”

Her words replayed in your head, a haunting ghost of the not-so-long ago past. Time was strange, that way. It seemed like everything happened yesterday yet in another lifetime, all at once. “He loves you, more than he’s ever loved anyone. Surely you know that.”

Stupid, you thought, how I might have believed it once.

As you made your way down the hall, numbness crept into your body once again. You were too proud to admit you were afraid, especially with the Section Commander’s radiating sympathy, but everyone knew the once friendly dynamic between you and the Captain transformed into one more distant and cold. With each step towards the door, you felt the icy chill grow and that fact alone shook you to the core. 

But it didn’t matter, seeing as Levi was of superior authority. There was no way around it.

Your hand shook as it raised to knock.

~~~~~~

“Name and business,” Levi spoke, voice muffled by the closed door.

“It’s (Y/N), sir. I was hoping to speak with you.”

There was a pause, and in that time you considered the option of fleeing back to your room and retreating back to a life of emotional safety, normality. It wasn’t too late to forget.

It had been a week since you spoke to Mikasa on the rooftop, after realizing the deep shit your heart decided to put you in. You didn’t think Levi would notice the distracted nature of your behavior-- tried to make it as subtle as possible whilst you figured out what you felt for him. 

But before you could explore other options, Levi muttered a stern “enter.” You knew with the first expedition back to Shiganshina tomorrow, and the prospect of death closer than it has ever been on a mission, it was now or never. 

The room was dim, small, warm, and thick with building tension. Shadows danced across the Captain’s face, sharp features lit by an orange flame. Only candlelight, sourced at his desk, assisted your adjusting eyes. 

Your nose was hit with the smell of tea and cleaning products upon entry. This fact made you smile despite your bundling nervous energy. It was a familiar place, filled with memories of late night conversations (granted, of mostly you speaking and him listening), witnessed only by the large piles of paperwork. It started here and resulted in a natural, growing fondness kept secret to all except you two and the moon looking in from the window. 

This man was your squad leader, your commander, your trusted comrade. There was no need to be afraid-- Not unless of course, you held the potential to shatter such damn a delicate relationship.

And you did. 

Was it worth it?

Your gaze gravitated towards the center of the room where the Lance Corporal sat. And in that instant, your smile evaporated instantly. He placed his pen down, gracefully resting his cheek on his fist and lazily tossing the raven locks out of his eyes-- they landed on you, piercing yet drowsy and indifferent upon first glance. He was beautiful, as always. The allure was nearly sickening; unfair to the rest of the world.

Looking closer, however, he was anything but relaxed. The observant eye could see his countenance stirred something different. He seemed sharp and focused, ready to dart out and wrap himself around your heart, squeezing tighter with every breath you took. And you felt it-- the heart palpitations, which got worse at the sight of him.

He seemed… different. Dangerous, like a storm stirring in the distance, and the inevitable downpour that comes with it. The dark circles under his eyes told tales about the insomnia; a fresh cup of caffeinated black tea even rested on his left, steam rising out of it. And whilst attraction was undeniable, your concern always came first.

Levi was never quite good at getting proper rest before a mission.

“(Y/N),” The word was breathy, yet his voice was rough.

You shuffled in your spot, your name on his tongue making your stomach churn with desire.

Levi seemed to pick up on your affliction, getting out of his chair and gliding towards you. Everything happened fast and slow all at once, starting off with a momentaneous rush of air and  the collision of your back with the office wall. A small shriek filled the air, out of place against the silence; was that your voice? The pain should’ve been there, but it wasn’t.

Then the seconds dragged out. Levi was a new person, setting your skin aflame as he gripped your wrists and pinned them against the wall. His lips brushed your eartips, which turned red the instant the raven’s breath fanned over them. This normally reserved, disciplined man unleashed something you had never seen before.

“Finally ready to talk to me about why you’ve been acting so strange, brat?” he whispered.  

This wasn’t supposed to be so dirty. He was angry, but the mood was established in layers: something more sinister existed beneath.

The scent of fresh pine filled your nostrils until your brain went foggy. Levi was close--so close, and with the fact that you’ve been avoiding him mixed in with the fact that you missed him for it, all bets were off: there was no stopping the words that came out of your mouth next.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” you whispered back, looking him dead in the eyes, no fear this time.

His grip on your wrist slackened.

“Hm?”

You took in a deep breath, ready to leave it all on the line, and spoke.

“I like you a lot, sir. And not in a comradery type of way. I-I just thought I’d tell you before, you know, we leave tomorrow.” Your gaze found the floor again, too timid for your own good. But the statement was said, and it was finite; there was no turning away from it.

The Captain’s eyes went wide and gleamed brightly at you. His chest felt lighter and as he looked down at you in speechless awe, staring at anything but his face in your adorable embarrassment, he realized exactly why your absent look irked him those days ago. Why your lack of enthusiasm and lighthearted-ness gave him a strange sense of frustration. 

Levi never felt more awake, more hyper aware of his surroundings. 

The feeling of your chest pressed against him, the heat of those rosy cheeks, the pounding within his ribcage, the moon hitting your pretty face. With your figure in his arms, after the blissful seconds passed, everything felt, for once, okay.

Until it wasn’t.

Gaining the courage to look back up at him, you all but tore apart at the scowl on his face as demons flitted through his beautiful brain and polluted the image of happiness. Levi grew more indignant by the second, all but throwing your arms he held back at your sides like they were poison to the touch. 

Tears pooled in your eyes as the soft expression you didn’t get to see turned sour, disgusted-- the Captain’s lips curling into a snarl as he imagined what he could lose if he opened up his heart for this girl in front of him to take. The risk and pain of falling for someone, in the world the two of you lived in. And all the stoic man could think was how he allowed this charade to come so far.

No, he wouldn't allow it.

“Get out, (L/N)” he commanded, harsh and unforgiving.

You were trembling, body feeling detached from reality as it moved, convincing itself that it was simply a nightmare. Levi’s cruel demeanor all but shattered you as you looked wide-eyed and his anger grew, the short man pacing behind his desk and bringing a hand over his face. His free one crumpled into a fist, knuckles turning white as he slammed it on the wood, the loud bang making you jump; the fear, grief, confusion coming all at once until it choked you and your vision spotted black.

“I said GET OUT!”

The room stilled and Levi looked up to face you cowering near the door, a single tear rolling down your cheek. He stilled at the sight, the weight of his words dawning upon him.  

“I-I’m sorry,” you gasped before racing out of the room.

Had you looked back, you would’ve seen Levi’s outstretched hand betraying his body, desperately reaching out for you, gray eyes filled with pain.

But you knew now you’d never be dumb enough to spare him that second glance-- and maybe that was the right call, seeing as his feet moved in the direction you left, only to shut the door left askew in your wake.  

~~~

The Captain’s gaze was on you more than necessary, but it was clear the two of you had the same thought: You focused everything into this discussion, melting into the emotionally-detached soldier your duty commanded, just like Levi did. His words had no ulterior motive, no deeper meaning. They were monotonous and empty.

Or so you thought.

Levi stood up the second you came in, but your gaze fell to the ground in submission.

“Hange said you needed to see me, Captain?” your voice was small and weak; you kicked yourself for it. How pathetic.

“Damn you...”

The man said nothing more, brushing his fingers along your cheekbones and you everything hit you like whiplash, the memories. Levi ran them along your face, down to your chin to lift it gently, so that for once you’d let your eyes meet instead of looking at the ground like a coward.

When they did the man’s breath hitched in his throat, because although your (eye color) orbs were no longer as vibrant, they were still beautiful and entrancing; why hadn’t he ever appreciated them before? 

"I missed you, brat," he spoke firmly.

You felt a churn in your abdomen as you watched his eyes study the details of your face and take in every feature, committing it to memory painfully slow. You were paralyzed, his face inches away from yours and forcing buried emotions to resurface as months of restraint came undone. He didn’t speak, holding you delicately after not being this close for far too long and discerning what he’s been missing.  

“Um, Captain? What are you...?"

You bit your lip, feeling puzzled and confused as you remembered the hate in Levi's orbs the last time you saw him like this.

All you could see now was how quickly his emotions shifted from serenity to fury that fateful night, and as you recollected the way Levi lashed out, all chaos and fury, he retracted his hand.

And you flinched away.

The Captain froze.

“Don’t-- don’t fucking do that,” he growled, his urgency startling. “I would never hurt you, (Y/N).”

Your eyebrows furrowed, all inhibition thrown out the window the second Levi’s countenance flashed with hurt at your response to his touch. You let your fear go and emotions free at the irony of the raven’s statement. Your mind went into overdrive, recounting every instance you wanted to give up and leave, drown in yourself, give up on finding purpose in the aftermath of rejection and Squad Levi’s death and your permanent injury changing your way of life. Things you faced alone, because instead of rekindling any semblance of a relationship, Levi tossed everything away and berated you for feeling.

The man who resided here cut your heart expertisely like the countless swords he wielded then disposed. He did not have the right to look at you so kindly; did not have to right to fan the flames of false hope. But here he was, procrastinating until the very last day to take initiative regarding those actions.

“Why are you doing this?” you whispered, forgetting your composure.

“I’d advise you not to speak in riddles,” Levi spoke in a low and even voice, no real malice as he addressed you and tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

You took a deep breath and fought to remain calm, grabbing Levi's wrist to keep him from touching you.

“Please don’t toy with me, or mock my feelings like this. Why did you call me here? You made it plenty clear how you feel about me, Levi. What else is there to say?" you begged, the lack of closure driving you insane.

This was the first time you used his name, an unprecedented amount of spite and pain expressed through it, because you wanted Levi to remember this moment. It was over: that time of feeling sorry and ashamed of yourself for being nothing other than human. The remorse was gone, and the heartache was fleeting.

“Tell me, dammit!”

His was overflowing.

“You want to know how I really feel about you, (Y/N)!?” the Captain shouted, voice rising because for a man who relied on impulse and action on the battlefield it was fucking frustrating, watching the woman in front of him live this way for the simple reason that he was not good with words. "The thoughts that go through my head when you can't even bear to look at me?!"

"No, that's not what I asked. I already know that you don't--"

"--Fuck this."

Relying on instinct to guide him, Levi leaned forward and kissed you.

The second his lips met yours, you melted on the spot, knees giving out beneath you. Tongue sliding into your mouth, Levi simultaneously lifted you into the air, feeling lightheaded as you moaned into him, eagerly returning the kiss. His hands were everywhere, grasping at your waist, clutching the back of your head, running down your thighs. You were in such a state of euphoria that nothing else existed.

Your own digits threaded through Levi’s raven locks and pulled needily, emitting a growl from his throat as he bit down on your lower lip. He reveled in the feeling of your legs around his waist as your soft lips worked against his own, hungry and relentless. The kiss was passionate and you’d imagined it a million times over, but this-- Levi successfully ruined you for any other man.

The need for oxygen pulled you apart, Levi’s strong arms keeping you in the air as his eyes remained shut; he pecked your lips once, then twice, savoring the moment until it mournfully passed.

He was hesitant to break the silence, but you deserved it. You waited long enough to hear the truth, and he knew his time was running out; you weren’t going to wait for him forever.

“(Y/N)...” he began to speak, forehead resting on yours as he panted softly to catch his breath. “I dreamt of you last night. I have been for days.”

“Levi--”

“--Just listen,” he interrupted, unable to stop himself from kissing you softly once more. “Neither of us are running away this time.”

You fell silent as the man let you down, pulling you into his solid chest as you buried your face in his shirt, patiently listening. His calm heartbeat thrummed soothingly in your ears like a metronome.

“Isabel, Farlan, Oluo, Petra, Gunther, Eld. They all knew that what they meant to me. And I them."

One of the only things that made it easier to say goodbye, you thought with a bittersweet pang in your chest.

"With us, it's different. I died in every dream, (Y/N). Every one. And in every single one, you lived on believing I never loved you. Call me selfish, but I...”

You pulled away from the stoic man, searching his gaze as he trailed off. Shyly, you interlaced your fingers, his larger hand enveloping yours and you prayed to whoever was listening upstairs that all of this was real.

“I just can't leave until you understand...”

He clutched you impossibly tighter, eyes squeezing shut.

"...that you, are everything."

~~~ Extended Ending ~~~

A soft hum filled the air, the tune dreamy and sweet as you repeated the melody once again. You smiled warmly as hands wound around your waist, pulling you closer to a toned and shirtless Captain Levi, silken sheets tossed haphazardly on top of the two of you. His breath sent goosebumps on your neck as he kissed your shoulder gently, warmth deliciously intoxicating. 

Giggling now, you turned around to face him, the man’s onyx hair ticking you softly. You captured your lips in his with one smooth movement and snuggled closer, taking in the small slice of heaven that was home in his arms, legs tangled together. Feeling unbelievably content, like your heart might burst, you leaned forward and rubbed your nose against Levi's. 

Although he wasn't smiling, the look he was giving you revealed his own sensation of happiness.

“I never thought you’d be the cuddling type,” you remarked devilishly, scrunching up your nose as you teased him. 

Though your tone was lighthearted, you were painfully aware that the moment was ending. You internally cursed the sun as it started to set, orange light peeking in through the window shades to signal the coming of night. Levi said nothing, looking deeply into your eyes, and like always, it felt as if he could read the contents of your soul. 

But it wasn’t vulnerability you felt: on the contrary, you knew you would never find as safe a place as here. With him. Finally.  

“Levi...” you swallowed, humor all but gone. “Now you have to come home.” 

To emphasize your point you sat up on the bed, legs tucked neatly underneath you as you stared imperatively at your lover. 

“Mhm. We’ve wasted enough time,” he agreed, taking you by the wrist to pull you back on top of him, to bask in this personal paradise if only for another minute. 

[womanoflettersinthebunker]

When Sam had first woken up, the biggest surprise was that he did, in fact, wake up. In his own bed too. 

He tried to think back to the last thing he could remember. The burning light of the Trials coursing through him. The crackling sounds that could only be his bones breaking, ribs being thrust open from the heat that was inside of him. Cranial fluid evaporating and every single last part of him on the edge of destruction.

But then… He woke up.

Except… Not really.

He was awake, that wasn’t the question. He slowly sat up and moved, looking down at his hands and arms that he distinctly remembered had been glowing with the Grace and Power of Heaven. 

There was nothing there now, just his arms. A little thinner than what was normal but still muscular, still his, still normal looking. 

Not burned, not burning, whole and complete.

In fact, his whole body felt better than it had in… In ages. Even before doing the Trials, during his time with Amelia, his body hadn’t been anywhere near perfect condition. He still went to bed in pain most nights and after starting the Trials?

Pain killers had become a staple in his routine. And even then there were times that he hadn’t been able to sleep. Wouldn’t be able to move, to get out of bed. Sometimes, even just breathing hurt. 

But now… Now, it felt… Different. Better in a way that he hadn’t felt in a long time. As if every breath he took was labored down, no longer feeling like if he breathed too deeply, he’d break. Even his heart was-

His heart was skipping a beat. 

He blinked and then frowned, bringing his hand up to touch his chest. His arm actually did feel a bit strange, now that he focused on it, a bit heavier to bring up. It took him a moment but then he focused on his heartbeat and tried to listen. 

His heart rate had always been steady, perfectly regular. Lately, it had been a bit rough, a bit strained, but it had never skipped a beat like it was doing right now. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe in deeply, snapping them open when he realized that he couldn’t. 

He was breathing, it was even and level. His chest was expanding and decompressing with each inhale and exhale, respectively. He could feel the air, could smell it with the slight hint of what could only be chicken soup.

Except… He shouldn’t be able to smell that either. His room was far away enough from the kitchen, as all the bedrooms were, that neither noises or smells would travel. 

He tried to take another deep breath.

His breathing remained even. In, out- inhale, exhale. 

He looked down at his hands again. They were steady, certain. Everything about him was steady, stable, firm. 

Too steady. Too stable. Too firm.

He threw the covers back and moved to get out of the bed, feeling like… Like there was something different. 

Something wrong. 

Swallowing hard, he looked himself over again to ensure himself that he was, in fact, himself. He brought his hands up to touch his face, pulling on his hair slightly. Standing up, he shook for a moment, legs bending slightly as he tried to walk forward.

He didn’t make it that far before his door opened. He looked up and was immediately met with a bone deep relief that made him sag slightly as his brother came over to him and wrapped his arms around him tightly. 

“Thank god, Sammy.” he whispered, one hand cupping the back of his head. “You’re okay.”

Sam hugged back instinctively, relishing the warmth from his brother, even with the slight chill that seemed to cling to him for some reason, as well as feeling as if Dean had lost weight but when he pulled back to look at him, he looked the same. 

“Dean…” Sam said slowly, realizing that something was deeply, deeply wrong. “What did you do?”

_______________________________________________________

It was a spell Dean explained over lunch, or dinner or whatever meal it was. It was hot and it was good and he could eat it without throwing up.

That is, he could eat it without throwing up because Dean was eating it without throwing up.

Sam had been dying, back at the church. He hadn’t been wrong, he had been burning from the inside out. Dean had carried him out of the church, collapsed right next to the impala, and in the end, all he could do was bring Sam to the closest hospital and hope that the doctors didn’t ask too many questions. 

But even then, there was nothing that could be done. The Trials had done their part, had anointed him and baptised him in fire, because what other way for a Winchester to be purified than with fire? As a result, his insides were burnt along with everything else that could be. The fact that he had lasted as long as he did was nothing short of a miracle. 

But they didn’t have a second miracle and Sam had been fading fast. 

So, Dean had called Kevin back at the bunker, barely able to console the kid to focus on the task at hand. Apparently, whatever had happened before with the meteor shower- the Angels falling, Dean had told him- had put the bunker on lockdown, making it impossible to get out.

But the call had managed to get through and Dean had put Kevin to work immediately, barely even taking the time to explain everything else because nothing else was important. 

Just find a way to save Sam, Dean had told him. And hurry. 

So, Kevin dove deep into the books and even the Angel Tablet, trying to find something as fast as he could, with Sam's health declining by the minute and the doctors gently urging Dean to be ready to let him go, perhaps get last rites or for him to see a grief counselor.

Dean had ignored them all, just staying beside his brother, thin hand clasped between two of his own, as he desperately waited for Kevin to call with something, anything. 

And when Dean had been serious enough to start to contemplate some other sort of supernatural method, like praying to the angels for help or, Impala forbid, a demon to work out a deal with- he did, after all, have Crowley stashed in his trunk, Kevin had called him. 

It was dangerous, it was ludicrous, it was the single most dim-witted possible thing that could be done in this kind of situation. 

It sounded exactly like the Winchester way. 

It was a bond, a soul bond and a physical bond, only to be done at the very last possible minute when there was no other way. It took two people and essentially bound one to the other in the most intimate of ways. 

Sam was dying, his body no longer able to house his soul anymore, due to the severance of the connection between the two. It was what allowed the reaper to be able to take the soul to the afterlife. 

Unless there was something to anchor the soul to Earth and give it a new connection. Bind the body to some other living thing so that it could have something else to copy and repeat until it could heal enough to properly house its own soul again. 

And there was no other living being that Dean would trust with Sam's very soul and body than himself. No one else would keep him as safe, would be as willing to do so.

So, in the end, Sam's soul was bonded to Dean's soul, the new anchor that kept him on Earth and prevented any reaper, though Dean thought that maybe he had heard Death himself whispering in his ear, from taking Sam's soul away. 

And his body was bound to Dean's body, copying the internal motions that Dean did. 

Sam tried to breathe in deeply again, and couldn’t. 

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Sam copied him, unable to resist it. When Dean held his breath, so did Sam. When Dean chewed on the inside of his cheek, still holding his breath, Sam felt the echo of teeth against skin, prodding his own tongue at the side of his cheek as if he could feel the ghost of the indents on them. 

Dean breathed out and so did Sam; he- they- had started feeling lightheaded from not breathing. 

“So, basically, what my body does, you’re gonna copy,” Dean told him. “So I’m breathing for two, heart beating for two." He gestured to the food that was getting cold. “And technically, eating for two.”

Because Sam's body by itself couldn't digest anything. 

He took a piece of bread and dipped it into the soup, biting into it. He couldn’t taste it. He couldn’t even feel that it was in his mouth. When he tried to swallow, he couldn’t, like there was some sort of force not letting it past his throat. He gagged and coughed the bread into his hand, putting it in his napkin. 

Dean did the same, grabbed the bread and dunked it into the soup, biting into it. Sam could feel a hint of the wetness hitting his, their, chin. Could feel the taste like an aftertaste, could feel the slight warmth of the soup. He moved quickly to do the same, Dean waiting to move or swallow, and this time he could taste the bread clear as anything, could feel the soup traveling down his throat, into his stomach. 

“How the hell are we going to live like this?” Sam asked, looking up at his brother. “What else is going to happen?”

Dean looked uncomfortable, unable to look at Sam's eyes. “I don’t know.” he admitted. “But whatever it is, it's better than the alternative.”

“Is it?” Sam couldn’t help but ask. Usually, at this point, his hands would start to shake or his breathing would become ragged. This time nothing happened. “Or are you just saying that because you’re not the one that’s hooked up to your brother like a makeshift puppet?”

“You can still move around and do whatever you want Sam," Dean told him. “I’m just gonna be the one that keeps your body alive and functioning.”

“And what if I wanted to die?” Sam prodded, stopping when he felt his- their- hearts beating faster. His hand came up to touch his chest again, feeling the irregular beat. “Is that you?”

Dean grimaced, hand swiping over his mouth as he looked away. “Yeah.” he muttered. “It's me.”

Sam kept his hand on his chest, feeling the heartbeat slowly start to normalize, but still with that same skipped beat. “Why is your heart skipping like this?”

“Been like that for years.” Dean said with a shrug. “Way before Hell even, can’t remember why but I’m used to it.”

“Should get it checked out.” he muttered, looking over at the food again. Their stomachs growled and Dean immediately picked his spoon up, slowly eating the soup, pausing to let Sam do the same and copy his movements. 

They ate in silence, simultaneously in every motion. It was maddening to Sam, he kept expecting his fingers to start twitching, tapping against the table or the side of his chair like he liked to do, but they laid there flat on the table instead, curled around the spoon unmovingly. 

Where did this end? He could move around, like he had gotten out of bed before, and he could stop eating despite Dean continuing. 

He tried to do so, stopped eating despite his brother doing so, Dean raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t say anything, swallowing his mouthful. 

He could still feel the echo of the warmth of the soup, thick and filling, slide down his throat and into his stomach. Only he could also feel the slight pain of not actually having anything there, his body was digesting food that wasn’t really there. 

He picked up his spoon again and started to eat, copying his brother.

Once they were done Sam pushed the bowl away from him, Dean didn’t, all he did was lean back. But it was something they didn’t do in unison, that meant that he could in fact move without Dean dictating him how to.

Except that...he could feel the back of the chair that Dean was sitting in, while his own back was away from the seat. His spine curved as if he was accommodating the chair and he scowled, looking up at his brother. 

“Show me the spell.” he demanded. 

___________________________________________________

It hadn’t been a lie, it was the single most brainless thing he had ever seen and he had a feeling he’d never see something as stupidly foolish at this. 

It made him wish that Bobby was still around to just...smack them on the head sometimes. At least then they’d admit that what they were doing was pure, plain, Winchester stupidity. 

He sat down to start reading the half notes and translations from the papers Kevin had left. It was a mess of writings and scribblings, most of which he couldn’t really make out. 

He settled in for a long night and pulled a fresh piece of paper to him, snagging a pen as well as he got to work.

He was starting to get light headed, enough that his vision was starting to dim. 

He rubbed at his eyes and tried to focus on the rest of the translation, sounding out the words inside of his head to try to figure them out despite how they were starting to swim across the pages. 

He stopped and put the papers down, rubbing at his eyes once more and squinting at the words. A heat curled around his cheeks and his limbs started to feel heavy, heavier, than before as if he was-

Sam's eyes widened and he quickly got up, pushing the chair back with the force of his sudden movement. He moved as fast as he could, wanting to see if his hypothesis was true. 

He skidded slightly, bringing his arms up to block himself as he almost ran into the wall, feet stumbling as he tried to remain upright before he finally found his brother, sitting on the kitchen floor with at least three, that he could see, empty bottles of beer around him and a fourth in his hand. 

Dean jumped slightly and whirled around to face him, standing up a bit unstably. Sam closed his eyes as he felt the world spin around him for a moment and then reopened them to glare at his brother. 

“I’m getting drunk.” he accused him, watching the surprise and then slight guilt flash over Dean's face. His words were slurred slightly, he couldn’t remember the last time he had actually been drunk. “And I’m trying to do work.”

“So what, I can’t drink now that we’re like this?” Dean complained, despite quickly going to the cabinet and pulling out a loaf of bread. He ripped pieces off and started to eat them, Sam's mouth filled with saliva and his throat constricted as if he was swallowing them. Dean went to him and gave him a slice, letting the both of them eat in time. “Next thing you’ll tell me is no more sex.”

“And how exactly do you think sex is going to work like this?” Sam demanded, trying to swallow and gagging, waiting for Dean to swallow so he could do it. “It was bad enough that I had to listen when I was a teenager, I’m not going to be feeling it like a ghost.”

“Oh it wasn’t that bad when you were a teen.” Dean waved his concerns away. “I always made sure you were asleep.”

Sam just threw him a dry look. “And yet I still get half a boner whenever I hear the words, ‘Don’t worry, he’s asleep,’” he mimicked, throwing the rest of the bread in his hand at Deans head. 

Dean rolled his eyes but tossed his remainder onto the counter. “Fine, you sobering up there Mother Theresa?”

Sam wondered for a moment if he punched Dean, would he feel it too and was weighing the cons and pros regarding both. 

“I’ve been reading more about the spell.” he said instead. “And I’m gonna be honest Dean, we’re lucky it worked at all. You had two of the five ingredients, you used an EKG instead of a neurotransmitter, and even one of those ingredients expired last year.” he shook his head. “This never should’ve worked.”

“Ah but it did.” Dean said wagging his finger and slowly collecting the empty beer bottles, throwing them over his shoulder and straight into the trash can. “And your welcome.”

Sam just stared at him. “We didn’t finish talking about that,” he told him. “About me being okay with it.”

Their hearts started to beat faster once more, it seemed to be a natural reaction for Dean at this point when bringing something like this up. 

“No, we’re done.” Dean told him. “Because you agreed to stop the Trials and I saved your life so that means, we’re done talking about it.”

“No we’re not.” Sam said, turning so that he could watch Dean. Their palms were starting to sweat and twitch. “Dean.”

“I don’t give a damn Sam. I meant what I said in that church.” Dean said, not looking at him. “I don’t give a single damn if it means all the Hells gates are cracked open, I don’t care if everyone in the world is possessed right now. I don’t care. Because if it means having you dead?” he could feel the tremor pass through Deans body, slight but there, no external hint of it. “Then I’d let it all burn.”

Without waiting for Sam to say anything else to that, what could he even possibly say, Dean left the room, leaving Sam behind with a heart that was beating too fast in their chest and the taste of bread in their mouth.

_________________________________________________________

They managed, somehow and barely. Sam kept trying to figure out the rest of the spell and all that it entailed while Dean kept the both of them alive. Three times a day they ate together, they didn’t have any other choice really since it had to be in time, and on the second day Sam had put his foot down and demanded that Dean add vegetables as well to their meals.

He could only stomach, figuratively, so much meat and soups, even those had meat in them of some kind; at times more like a mild chilli than soup. 

Dean quit drinking completely for the time being, complaining about it all the while but Sam also felt how their upper right abdomen was starting to feel a bit better and not so pinched all the time. 

It was those little bits and pieces of them that he had to get used to and to be honest, Sam missed his own small parts. He missed having his own heartbeat, being in control of his own breathing. Even when he tried to do yoga or some sort of exercise he couldn’t actually feel as if he was doing anything and nothing ached pleasantly like it was supposed to after doing so. 

But he felt it when Dean pulled a Charley horse in the middle of the night, his lower leg locked in pain as he desperately tried to massage it out to no avail until Dean managed to relax and do something about it. 

He didn’t miss feeling so cold all the time though, that was something that constantly lingered, especially after his memories from Hell came back full throttle, so there were some benefits to this he supposed. Not to mention the scratchy and almost painful feeling in his throat whenever he spoke too loudly or raised his voice.

He did miss, however, being able to use the bathroom on his own time. That was a conversation that neither of them were willing to have or even entertain. 

“How long are we going to be like this?” Sam asked the night that Dean got a migraine that he refused to do anything about. He flinched back and turned the rest of the lights on, letting the light from their computer screens show the way in the room instead. “And for the love of god take something already.”

“We’re gonna be like this until your body heals or we find a spell to heal your body.” Dean told him, grumbling and internally flinching as he got up and went to the first aid kit they kept in every room. He dry swallowed two painkillers, Sam's tongue curled at the chalky taste they left behind. “Until then just deal.”

They started to leave the bunker a bit more, get back into the world. It was nice to walk around and feel the sun, or rather have Dean feel the sun in the leather jacket he refused to take off and thereby making the both of them sweat, and just breathe in the fresh air.

He noted that whenever Dean breathed in a bit too deep there almost seemed to be some sort of pain in their left side and he made a mental note to check on that once things were back to normal. 

There were a lot of things he had to check on his brother once they were back to the way they were, too many small medical issues that couldn’t and shouldn’t be ignored like the way that he’s been doing. 

Or maybe he should bring it up while they were connected like this, guilt trip him into actually doing something about it if it meant that it was causing him pain. 

In an attempt to get back into the swing of things, Dean found them a run of the mill hunt, textbook case of a ghost lingering in their old house refusing to move on. They donned their suits and went to work. When it was time for lunch Sam went to the register himself and ordered two extra large salads, adding as many free addons as possible and keeping it to a simple olive oil and lemon dressing. 

The look on Dean's face was downright murderous when Sam brought it to him, complete with a whey protein smoothie. He just smirked at him and sat down, waiting for Dean to take the first bite. 

“Already paid for.” he said when Dean glanced at the register. “And they don’t take back food.”

Dean's upper lip curled in disgust as he picked up his fork and stabbed the lettuce, Sam forked some as well, watching as Dean slowly brought it up to his mouth. Smiling Sam ate along with Dean, feeling the anger and the hatred in each bite as Dean masticated every bite furiously until the salad was gone and the smoothie was drunk. 

And later on when their stomachs were cramping in pain Dean smirked right back at him. 

“Your stomach is so messed up that a little bit of salad did this?” Sam demanded, resisting the urge to throw something at him, he still had no idea if it would do something to him as well. “I’m putting you on a cleanse.”

“My liver is cleanse enough, now let's burn this sucker.” Dean said, tossing the salt canister to him. 

<center> ----------------------- </center>

It turned out that it wasn’t just a ghost haunting its old house. It was two ghosts in one, twins that refused to move on. Twins that no one had realized were there, with their bodies hidden in the floorboards, their bones so intertwined with one another's that Sam couldn’t tell where one sibling started and the other ended. 

They were both used to being thrown around by ghosts, used to the bone chilling cold that seeped into them when the ghosts would try to grab them, they had iron in their jacket for that exact reason, to grab it and use against the ghosts. 

Sam had been trying to figure out this part of them for a while now, had tried to see if it actually meant something between this bond of theirs. He just wasn’t willing to hurt Dean to find out if it was the truth. 

So when the ghost had grabbed Dean and threw him against the rotting wooden staircase, breaking the banister as Sam had been trying to break open the floorboards to get to the bodies, Sam was the one that shouted in sudden pain as he fell to his side, feeling the broken pieces of the staircase digging into his side as the whole back of his body erupted in pain. 

Gritting his teeth he forced himself up, standing on shaking legs. He could feel their teeth tightly clenched together and the way their legs shook unsteadily. He looked at his brother, already feeling the bruise that was going to bother them for the next few days at least. 

“Sam! Finish it!” Dean shouted at him, grabbing the shotgun and shooting at one of the twins that materialized in front of him. “Now!”

Sam turned back to his task at hand, reaching out and pulling the rest of the boards away to give him enough room to work. He grabbed at the salt and gas, pouring both in liberally as he reached into his pocket to grab his lighter. 

Before blood shot out of his mouth and he fell to his knees, sharp and overwhelming pain in his side. 

He didn’t bother to look down at himself, he turned as best as he could to look at his brother. 

Who had a steel beam in his lower side, the shotgun thrown to the ground, with one of the ghosts holding him down onto the ground as the other raised another beam. 

Sam acted on instinct, grabbing the lighter and flicking it open and lit with his wrist before throwing it into the bones, watching with intense satisfaction as the ghost lit up in flames, screaming as the beam fell helplessly to the ground and Dean was let go.

His vision was blackening over and he tried to fight it, stumbling as he slowly stood up. His hand went to his side, pressing against the open wound there. He could feel their stomach lurch and contract, almost throwing up from the pain. His eyes clouded over slightly as he finally reached his brother, reaching out to hold his hand out to him to help him stand up.

When Dean stood up it must’ve agitated the wound because a fresh wave of pain went over him and he, they, couldn’t breathe for a moment. He could feel Dean grit his teeth in an echo and could practically feel his brother pushing back against the darkness that threatened to consume them. 

Sam pulled his jacket off and bundled it up, pressing it against the wound on Dean's side, he could feel the same sensation on his own side and pressed harder. He wrapped an arm around Deans shoulder to help guide him out of the house and back to the impala. “C’mon, let's just get to the motel.” he mumbled. 

<center> ----------------------- </center>

It was a hassle and a half to not only get to the impala, but get out and into the room with the both of them remaining conscious. Each movement reminded the both of them how badly wounded they were, as well as every dip and pothole they felt on the road was another sharp blast of pain. 

“We can’t do this again.” Sam managed to get out, gripping the steering wheel tightly as Dean took care not to bleed on the seats. “We can’t hunt anymore while we’re like this. It's too risky.”

“Could figure it out, or you could move fast enough so that the ghost doesn’t get one over on me.” Dean gritted out, shifting the jacket, he was going to have to throw it out at this point, to a drier area to press against him. “Sure were taking your time there Sammy.”

“Bite me.” Sam quipped at him, not even in the slightest mood to deal with this. He parked haphazardly and got out of the car, vision swimming once more as he tried to move his legs fast enough to get to his brother's side. 

Dean was telling him something but by the tone of his voice Sam could already tell that he was complaining about nothing important, it also meant that he was going to be okay as well as the fact that the pain was already fading to the back of their mind at this point. They carried one another to the motel room and Sam carefully placed him on the bed closest to the door before grabbing the first aid kit from their bag.

“What? No antiseptic? No pain killer?” Dean asked, nodding meaningfully at the bottle of whiskey in the bag right next to the first aid kit. 

“I’m already dealing with blood loss and an extra pocket in my side.” Sam told him as he threaded the needle and grabbed the lighter, watching the metal heat up. “You want to add alcohol to that?”

“We’ve done it worse.” Dean reminded him. “We’ve done it in a lot worse conditions.”

“Doesn’t make it any better, now shut up.” Sam said as he knelt down and took a deep breath. He paused for a moment, grabbing a roll of gauze and shoving it between his teeth, he could see a long piece of something, wooden or silver or made of jello he wasn’t sure, but it was in there and had to be removed. He didn’t let himself think, just reached in and yanked it out, the both of them locking up at the pain. 

Forcing himself to stay focused, he started to sow up the mess, it was thick and deep enough to cause severe blood loss but thin enough that he could use regular stitches to cover it up. It laid over Deans side down to his inner thigh, ripping his jeans. 

“What the hell, she couldn’t buy you dinner first?” Sam couldn’t help but mutter as he stood up and tugged. “You gotta get these off.”

Dean raised an eyebrow at him, smirking suggestively. “Aww Sammy, you know I’d always put out for you.”

If it didn’t mean hurting himself further, and now they had proof that it did, Sam would’ve hit him. 

“Unless you want to do it yourself, get your pants off.” he said unamused. “Or I’m going to go take a shower and go to bed.”

Dean rolled his eyes, grumbling as he shifted enough on the bed so that he didn’t have to stand up to shove his jeans down. “Fine, fine. Have at it.”

Sam shook his head as he knelt down once more, rummaging through the first aid kit to grab the alcohol pads and bandages. He squinted at the wound once more before shaking his head, he didn’t need stitches after all, it was just a lot of blood but not deep at all around his thigh. 

“This is gonna sting.” Sam warned him as he cleaned the wound, uncaring of how he had to turn his wrist to do so. He could feel the sting in his own thigh, feeling where the wound was deepest. He moved his hand slightly closer to the inside of Deans thigh, knowing that there was another part-

He could feel blood slowly pulsating between his legs. 

Sam paused for a moment, freezing really, before restarting, keeping one hand pressed to the wound as he rummaged for bandages. He could feel the heat coursing from Deans thigh, and he could feel how the blood was steadily making its way downward. 

There was no way to ignore it, all he could do was just not mention it and focus on patching his brother up. 

His hands were shaking, he noted, staring at the slightly quivering fingers. He pressed the bandages and gauze to the wound, carefully wrapping it.

He quickly did the rest of Dean's side, it was a bit challenging because both his hands and body were shaking now, a miniscule hint of the tremors, and then hesitated, not wrapped his hand around the inside of Dean's thigh once more. 

“Sammy?” He could hear his brother say slowly. “What’re you doing?”

This could just be a physical reaction, Dean was a sexual creature and he hadn’t really been with anyone in ages. With helping him deal with the Trials and now taking Sam's request rather seriously, he was pent up. And judging by the way he could feel his own cock twitch he knew that Dean hadn’t been taking care of himself alone either. 

Except...his hand was still moving. 

And he’s not going to lie.

It's been a while for him too.

He was shaking, a corner of his mind told him, he was shaking and his heart was beating faster, almost as if it was about to leap out of his chest. 

His hand moved until he could slide it  past his boxers, stopping just above his pelvis region. He could feel all those sensations, could feel the sensation of skin on skin, the heat of someone elses touch. 

He just wished that he could feel it himself too.

He looked up, Dean was staring down at him with wide, blown eyes, lips parted slightly. Hunger gripped him so tight that he could barely breathe and he moved his hand down further, finally gripping Deans cock. 

He wasn’t sure who moaned first, him or Dean, but the sensation felt amazing, deep warmth spreading through his lower back and tailbone. He reached out and tugged Deans boxers off completely, his own lips parted at the sight of his brother's cock, hand moving slowly over the heated flesh. 

He couldn’t really feel it in his hand, but it felt like there was a hand around his own cock. He paused his movements long enough to pull his own jeans and boxers down, stroking Dean; and feeling like he was doing it through layers and layers of clothes, when Dean reached down and wrapped his own hand around Sam's cock, looking up at him questioningly. 

Sam shook his head, he could feel it in his hand, could properly feel like there was a cock in his hand, but the only part he felt was when he moved his hand over Dean's cock and not when Dean moved his hand. 

Didn’t matter, apparently this bond made him bleed when Dean did, he was sure that he would come when Dean did as well.

He moved to sit on Dean's lap, getting a bit more comfortable for the both of them, hands moving together, he could tell from Dean's arm movement, and when he felt the crushing sensation of pure something coursing through him, he looked up to see Dean staring at him so adoringly.

Sam couldn’t help it, he leaned in and kissed him. It felt like he was kissing him through a pillow, and could feel something on his lips that he realistically knew was his own, but it didn’t matter.

Nothing else mattered, just this.

He could feel Dean getting close, could feel the way his legs were starting to shake, as his orgasm neared. Their whole body tensed for a single moment and then with a mutual one groan the pleasure spiked, spreading through them like thick molasses as they tried to ride it out, hands still moving. 

He had enough of a mind to not fall onto his brother, turning so that he could fall onto his side on the bed instead, wiping his hand on the sheets before doing the same to the rest of him. He curled in closer to his brothers side, listening to their breathing even out together.

“You ever thought about doing this? Before I mean?” Dean asked him, voice already sounding like he was seconds away from falling asleep.

Sam curled in closer to him, enjoying how the warmth and feel spread through him, he was a tactile creature too. Thinking for a moment he finally truthfully said, “No, not really. Not until now.”

“Not until now?” Dean sounded slightly more awake. 

Sam shook his head, despite knowing that Dean wouldn’t see him in the dark. “Never really thought about...us like that.” he said. “But I am now and...I’m okay with it.”

He closed his eyes and laid back down, frowning when he couldn’t feel Dean doing the same. “Dean?” he called, opening his eyes. “You okay?”

It took Dean a moment to reply. “Yeah.” he said hollowly. He slowly laid back down on the bed, turning onto his side so that his back was to Sam. “Fine.”

Their heart was beating erratically, worse than five minutes ago when they were both jerking each other off. Their chest felt tight, almost like they couldn’t get enough air in. His stomach was twisted and the urge to throw up was unmistakable. 

“Dean?” His voice was quiet, soft. He reached out to touch his brothers back, feeling just how hard he flinched when he pulled away. 

“Don’t.” Dean said. “Just...sleep. Go to sleep.”

“I can’t if you can’t.” he wanted to say. But whatever it was, Dean needed this out, needed this much privacy. 

It was the least he could do. 

So, he turned onto his own side, facing away from Dean, and closed his eyes. 

Neither of them slept that night.

<center> ----------------------- </center>

Driving back to the bunker was a quiet affair. Sam had offered to look at his brother's bandages but Dean just silently went to the bathroom and took care of it himself, he could feel the bandages pull at his skin and the slight sting as Dean cleaned it out and rebandaged. 

Neither of them spoke after that, grabbing a quick breakfast at the closest diner, Dean didn’t eat so therefore Sam couldn’t either, and got back to the road. Not even the radio was playing. Sam glanced down at his hands on his lap, the knuckles were completely white and throbbing slightly, he looked at Dean's hands; they were curled as tight as possible around the steering wheel.

Each time their heart beat in his chest it hurt, each breath they took hurt, everything was hurting and none of it made sense. 

“Dean?” he said, his voice low. Their heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.” Dean said curtly, staring straight ahead on the road. “We just gotta home and get rid of this bond already.”

Sam glanced down at his body, patting along his chest. “You really think my bodys healed enough?”

“No, we’re going to work nonstop until we find the healing spell and then we’re unbinding.” Dean told him. “This can’t go on.”

Sam turned so that he could look at him properly, forehead furrowing. “Dean, what’s going on?” he asked once more. “Talk to me.”

“What the hell do you think is going on?” Dean exploded at him. “I’m talking about what happened last night!”

Oh. That. Sam thought back to last night, the technical mutual handjobs, the slamming force of their orgasm, the literal bone deep relief that he felt spreading inside of Dean, the way it made their heart flutter slightly. 

And then, minutes later, the way Dean had withdrew from him, turning away from him completely. 

“I mean...it was kinda awkward, my dick can’t really work unless yours is in the game.” Sam said, glancing down at his lap. “But cause you came, I did too.”

“What the hell are you-that’s not what I’m talking about Sam!” Dean exclaimed, hitting the dashboard with a balled up fist. He jerked the car to the side of the road and parked them there, whirling in his seat to look at him. “I’m talking about the fact that you didn’t want to do it!”

Sam just stared at his brother for a moment. “Dean, I’m the one that made the first move.” he reminded him. “I touched you.”

“Because I wanted you to.” Dean said bitterly. “Because I wanted you to touch me and do that, it was all me and you just…” he shook his head, deflating in his seat. “Sam, I’ve wanted that for a very long time.” he finally admitted in a small voice. “And yeah I get it, it's sick, and it's wrong. I know. Just...and last night...I should’ve stopped you. I should’ve done the right thing.”

“Dean, I’m still the one that did it first.” Sam repeated, feeling as if he was about to throw up when a thought occurred to him. “You said you’ve wanted it for a long time. How long?”

Dean looked pained at the question. “Sam,:

“How long Dean?”

He could feel Dean swallow. “I don’t know.” he whispered. “For as long as I can remember.” he closed his eyes and Sam could feel something curl in his stomach, shame and guilt. “But it's like you said Sammy, you didn’t want it until last night.” he gave a humorless laugh, devoid of any sort of emotion. “So that means that it's all me, I’m the one making you feel like this. I’m the one that’s-”

Whatever else Dean was going to say, all the self hatred that Sam could feel coursing through him, he had enough. He leaned over the rest of the way and kissed him to shut him up. It felt the same as last night, like he was being touched through something else; like a blanket covering or even through cellophane. Either way he pressed closer, arms coming up to wrap around his brother as they kissed. 

Their heart was beating rapidly to the point of pain and for a moment, Dean relaxed into the kiss before he wretched himself away, eyes wide. Sam watched him, feeling the way that he could barely breathe. 

“What the hell...why’d you…” Dean tried to talk, tried to get out. 

“You definitely didn’t want me to kiss you then, but I wanted to.” Sam said simply, rubbing the back of his neck. “Dean, when I said that I never thought about this,” he gestured between them. “Before last night...it didn’t mean that you were influencing me or whatever the hell you think it is.” he reached out to take Dean's hand, sliding his fingers over it, feeling the echoing of the sensation on his own hand. “What I meant was...I never thought about it, because it made too much sense.”

He watched how his fingers curled around Deans, they settled there like a lock and key. “I never thought about this, because I never thought I’d have to. Because you’re always there and with me and just...it became a lot more evident. It just became another step that I didn’t realize that I wanted to take. I mean,” he laughed softly. “The way we live, the way we’ve always lived, together. In each other's pockets. Never really liking anyone else that was in our lives no matter who they were. It's all there man, it's all you and me. Together.``

“Sam,” Dean whispered, clutching at his brother's hand. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, this isn’t you, it's me.”

“If you really think that, then let's get back to the bunker and get rid of this bond.” Sam said simply. “Get rid of it right now, healing spell be damned.”

Dean had been shaking his head before Sam had even finished. “No, you’re not strong enough to be on your own yet.”

“So our option is either get rid of the bond so I can prove to you that this is my choice.” Sam told him. “Or you can just believe me.”

“I can’t Sammy.” he whispered. “I just...I feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”

“You’re not.” Sam informed him firmly. “So what are you going to do? Not touch me at all? We’re connected Dean, I can feel you.” he placed his hand over his heart, feeling just how it was beating erratically. “This is killing you.”

Dean closed his eyes, shaking his head and letting them snap open when Sam leaned in to kiss him again, pulling away. “Sam stop.”

“No.” Sam told him, trying to lean in again. “You still don’t want me to kiss you right now, it's making your stomach turn because of everything, but I want to kiss you.”

Dean wretched free and grabbed at Sam, gripping his wrists firmly and pushing him back into the passenger seat. “Stop.” he instructed. 

Sam glowered at him but stayed in his seat. “I want this.” he repeated, settling back and nodding at the road ahead of them. “So we’re going to get back and we’re getting rid of this bond so I can actually show you how much I want this because dude,” he glanced meaningfully at Dean's lap. “Your refractory time is horrible.”

Dean just stared at Sam in horror and slightly affronted. “My refractory time is perfect,” he protested.

Sam snorted. “Yeah sure, when we get rid of this bond, I’ll show you a real refractory period.”

Dean stared at him and started the car again, guiding them back onto the road. “You don’t know what you’re asking.” he told him. 

“Guess we’ll find out when we get back.”

<center> ----------------------- </center>

Turns out, he was right in the middle of being healed enough and not healed enough. His body was strong enough to house his soul again but he was also in no shape whatsoever to be moving around or doing anything. The pain came fast and hard, and the loss of actually being bonded to his brother made him almost feel like a limb was missing. 

Mostly, he slept. He slept in his bed, waking up to stumble to the bathroom, on his own time thank you very much, and back to bed. Somewhere it between Dean would either feed him or have an iv pressed into his arm. 

It took at least a week and a half of that before Sam felt strong enough to walk to the kitchen, he had to immediately sit in the chair but it was something. He watched his brother pitter patter around the kitchen, making food and coffee and whatever else he could, avoiding both Sam and the topic on both of their minds.

“Dean,” Sam said, watching his brother tense up. He was flinching on the inside, he recognized it now. Slowly Dean looked up at him and without saying a word, Sam lifted the book off of the table and let it fall to the ground. “Mind getting that for me?”

He could hear Dean let out a frustrated breath but his brother complied, walking over and bending down to pick up the book. While he was still kneeling Sam reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, on instinct Dean looked up at him. 

And Sam leaned in to kiss him once more. 

It felt better, a thousand times better than the last one. This one he could actually feel, could feel how soft they were, how chapped they were. Could taste his brother, something he didn’t even realize he knew how to explain, clear as anything. His brother's skin was warm under his hand and everything was alright and alive in sensations. 

When he couldn’t breathe anymore Sam pulled away, just staring down at Dean who looked back up at him stunned. 

“Still want to kiss you,” he said simply. “Believe me now?”

He could see Dean chewing on his lip as he slowly stood up, not looking away. “You sure?” he whispered. 

Sam nodded, tilting his head to look at him. “It's all me now.” he told him. “And I still want to.”

A mixture of emotions rapidly flashed over Dean's face, too fast for him to even be able to read them, but it didn’t matter. Because Dean leaned down and kissed him, kissed him desperately, furiously, gripping at him tightly and yet gentle enough that he didn’t hurt him. 

It felt like finally coming home.

[ditsydaydream]

Catch Me If I Fall

Newt (TMR) x OC

summary: before the events of the maze runner, Newt tried to kill himself and only his girlfriend, Florrie, can save him

notes: Maria and Ada are my other TMR OCs, the rest are pre-existing characters. Only change made or the story is that Florrie is the Keeper of the Med-jacks, not Clint. Florrie, Maria and Ada will each be getting their own post about their profiles and characters etc.

Newt was still asleep on one of the beds, he’d been out for a few hours now; I’d drugged him up on enough poppies so that he’d hopefully sleep for another few hours. I thought it was because I just wanted him to heal, he deserved rest, but my eyes kept jumping back to the ivy scales on the wall, and I knew then I drugged him excessively because I wasn’t ready to talk about what happened. I don’t think I’d ever be ready.  

Every time I blink, I see him up there. Halfway up the walls that imprisoned the Glade, his grip on the vines loosening as he looks down at me, tears running down my cheeks. I could have sworn he mouthed ‘I’m sorry’. But it didn’t matter. Because a second later Newt let go of the vines and plummeted towards the ground.  

The thud as he hit the grass tore through my body. I wasn’t aware of the desperate screams that escaped my mouth, my vision too blurred with tears to see all the Gladers run to his nearly lifeless body, as I collapsed on the ground.  

Clint and Jeff were yelling at me, I was the Keeper of the Med-jacks, I was in charge of healing Gladers. This was my job, my responsibility. Newt’s life was in my hands. Their shouts were muffled, my lungs had tightened up as the only clear thing I could hear was the pounding of my heartbeat in my head.  

I felt a tightness on my shoulders, someone started shaking them, snapping me out of my shock. Gally’s voice was firm, it cut through my despair like a knife.  

‘Florrie! Hey, snap out of it. Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re thinking, you gotta push it aside. Newt needs you to save him, we all need you to save him.’  

Regaining my focus and bottling up my shock, I nodded. Gally pulled me up and we both sprinted after the boys that were carrying Newt to the Med Hut.  

‘Put him on the bed.’ I ordered.  

‘Jeff, I need poppies, clean bandages, and a splint. Maria, I need you to grab herbs, get me yarrow, lavender, aloe and as much gingko as you can spare. Clint, examine Newt’s lower body for any broken bones, torn ligaments and wounds. Gally and Ada, I need three buckets of boiled water. Alby, get everyone out. Unless you’re a Med-jack or are getting me supplies, I don’t want you in here.’ I barked, yelling orders at everyone.  

The Gladers darted off to retrieve the supplies I needed, everyone else filtered out of the Hut, trying to return back to their jobs.  

‘You too, Alby.’ I ordered, as I washed my hands.

‘Are you sure you’re okay to do this? Clint and Jeff can do this.’ He said, gently.  

‘Newt is on his death bed. And you think I’m just going to walk away? Alby, I can do this.’ 

He nodded, exiting the Hut. I went back over the bed hurriedly, the love of my life lying almost deadly still.  

‘Sorry, babe’. I apologised, before ripping his mud-splattered shirt in apart, leaving his torso exposed to examine his upper body for injuries. I felt around his torso and shoulders, trying to sense the damage caused by the fall. 

‘What are you thinking?’ Clint asked.  

‘I’m thinking, few broken ribs, fractured arm, nasty cut on one side and head trauma. What you got down your end?’

‘Torn ligaments all along one leg, shattered ankle and a really deep cut.’  

From the window, I saw everyone rush back with the supplies I asked for.  

‘Alright.’ I said as I rolled up my sleeves, ‘let’s get to work.’  

Clint, Jeff and I had worked all through the night, but it was worth it. Newt might not be as strong as was, but the important thing was he was going to make it. I’d made Jeff and Clint go back to their hammocks and get some rest, it wasn’t going to take three of us to watch over Newt and I could deal with any Slicers that needed patching up.

I’d collapsed onto the only other bed in the Hut, exhausted. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow, ignoring the beams of dawn that were breaking through the window.  

A few hours later, I was woken from my deep slumber by a gentle rapping at the door.

‘Come in.’ I groaned, unwilling to drag myself from the bed.  

Ada crept through the door, a fresh stain on her green shirt from the kitchens and holding a steaming plate that smelt so good my stomach rumbled like rolling thunder.  

‘Hey.’ She said.

I pulled myself up on the bed. ‘Hey.’ I yawned back.  

‘You doing okay?’  

‘I’m shucking whacked, I feel like I need to sleep for days.’ I said, unable to suppress another yawn.

‘You’ve done everything you can for him. You deserve to rest.’ As she walked closer, I began to recognise the smell from the plate and my eyes became fixated on what was smelling so utterly delicious. 

‘Did you make me eggs and bacon?’ I asked eagerly, hoping the answer was yes as the thought of my favourite breakfast made me drool. 

‘Yeah. Fry was making everyone else their normal breakfast, but I said I should make something for you and the other Med-jacks.’  

I practically stole the plate from her hands, placing it on my lap as I gobbled up the warm, perfectly cooked meat and the soft egg.  

‘Hungry, are you?’ Ada teased.  

‘Shut up.’ I grinned back, through a mouthful of bacon. ‘You would be too if you spent the entire night trying to save someone’s life.’ 

‘How bad was the damage?’ Ada asked, gently. This was a topic I really didn’t want to talk about.  

‘Bad. Really bad. If we hadn’t got him back here in time…’ I trailed off, unable to even say the rest of my sentence. 

Ada rubbed my shoulders comfortingly, as I shovelled another mouthful of breakfast.  

‘What are you going to say to him?’. She asked.

I sighed, exasperated. ‘I really don’t know. What do you say to someone after they try to kill themselves?’  

‘Well, I don’t think you have long to figure it out.’ She nudged my shoulder, referencing Newt’s small groans and little movements. He was waking up.

‘I’ll leave you guys alone.’ She said, taking my finished plate from my hands and the three dishes on the table of uneaten dinner Clint, Jeff and had been too busy to eat last night.  

‘Florrie…’ Newt mumbled; his eyes still glued shut as he gradually woke from his slumber.  

I stood next to him, waiting for him to wake up.

His eyes fluttered open, I saw those beautiful brown eyes I loved to stare at, filled with such pain. His hair was a ruffled mess and the only thing covering his torso were the bandages I had wrapped around his ribs.  

His eyes darted around the room for a second as he took in his surroundings and slowly realised where he was. His eyes met mine and they interlocked for a second, almost making me forget the horrible tragedy he’d inflicted on everyone, almost.  

‘Florrie-‘. He began.

‘Quite a fall you had.’ I interrupted, unwilling to hear his apologies.  

‘Love-’. He started.  

‘Don’t call me that.’ I shot back, too angry for his pet name.  

‘Was it a fall?’ I asked, ‘or was it a jump?’

Even though I knew better, I begged for him to tell me it was a fall, an accident. But Newt wouldn’t look at me, I had my answer.  

‘I’m not sure your leg will ever full heal. You might have a limp for life.’ I said as I grabbed some clean bandages from the table and began wrapping them around his leg, fiddling with the material and forcing my eyes to not look at him. 

‘Florrie, can we talk?’  

‘No.’ I said solemnly, tying the bandages up and walking back over the table, pretending to play around with some herbs whilst I hid the tears in my eyes.  

‘Please.’ He begged. I could hear the pain in his voice, and it cut through my like a glass shard.  

‘I said no, Newt.’  

‘Please. Just hear me out.’ He shuffled himself over on the bed, making a little room and beckoning for me to perch on it.  

Reluctantly, I walked over to bed and sat next to him.  

‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting you through that. I didn’t mean to hurt you-‘  

‘You didn’t mean to hurt me? Newt, you tried to commit suicide!’ I yelled. ‘I had to watch you fall from the wall, and lay on the ground lifeless! If I hadn’t managed to save your life, your blood would be on my hands! I’m the Keeper of the Med-jacks, I’m meant to keep everyone safe!’  

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t think about you. I was just thinking about them.’  

‘Who’s them?’

‘Everyone. Every Glader we’ve had to watch die. I couldn’t keep losing my friends, I couldn’t keep seeing them die and have their deaths on my conscious. I couldn’t watch anyone else I care about die.’  

‘Newt,’ I slipped my hand into his, ‘We all feel that. I see Nick and George every time I go to sleep at night. No one should ever have to watch their loved ones die, but you can’t let it destroy you. We did everything we could for them.’  

‘This place is a prison. We’re prisoners. We’ve been here for so long, what if there’s no way out.’  

‘There is.’ I reassured. 

‘How can you know that, love?’  

‘I can’t believe that we are stuck in here for the rest of our lives, I won’t. There has to be a way out, because if there isn’t,’ I paused, ‘I don’t know what I’ll do. The hope that someday we’ll be out of here, is the one thing keeping me going.’

‘I think I’ve lost my hope.’  

‘Find it again. You can’t give up, Newt. We’re Gladers, we got each other. We’re here for you, Alby, Maria, Ada, Frypan, even Gally. And I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere.’ I smiled.  

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest.  

‘Thank you, love’ 

‘Promise me.’ I said, looking up from his chest into his eyes, feeling his warm breath smother my face, ‘Promise me, you’ll keep fighting, Newt.’ 

‘I will.’ He promised.

‘I know you want to die because of them, but I need you to live for me.’ I begged. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you, Newt.’ 

‘I love you too, Florrie’. He said back, pressing a gentle kiss on my lips.  

For a while we stayed there, Newt drifted back off to sleep but I was wide awake. I cuddled into him, refusing to let got. Because, deep down, a part of me was afraid that if I let go, Newt would slip away.

[anonymous0writer]

2AM Love

Author: @anonymous0writer​

Warnings: Swearing. Alcohol use. Inferences to sex.

Requested: Yes! Another songfic! :) 

“Songfic request :: Let's Fall in Love for the Night by FINNEAS × JJ Maybank”

A/N: There will be SO MANY SONGFICS TO COME!! @lindzaylove​ sent me so many! I’m so excited! My master list is gonna burst! :) Also, the song is a little more upbeat than this, but I couldn’t help myself and the words sparked this, so yeah.

Requests are always open even though it’ll take me a hot sec. But please! I love them.

(Song lyrics are in italics)

Let's fall in love for the night And forget in the mornin'

The pattern was the same. Friends during the day. Lovers at night. At first, you were hurt, but then when night came rolling around, he make you forget the pain of the friend zone during the day. He was so good at kissing away your doubts and making you forget. And god, when his pale eyes landed on yours, you were lost. 

His eyes held everything. The crashing oceans you surfed and went swimming in on the regular. They held the soft sky of a sunny day. And they washed away all your fears of the future, your worries, and your pain. No matter what, his eyes made everything fade out and it was just you. He made you feel on top of the world. When his eyes landed on your skin, you felt like the only one. The one that he wanted to love and worship. He made you feel like the only girl in the world. 

He kissed and traced every crease and expanse of your smooth skin. Every bump and imperfection he smiled at like he loved it and it made you feel perfect. That you didn’t have any imperfections. You felt invisible when his eyes were heavy on you. And when he was loving you, he made you feel amazing. Pleasure exploded in every part of your body like fireworks on Fourth of July. His fingers digging into your hips, heightening your pleasure. He knew how to get you arching your back and eyes rolling back. And he knew every spot in your body, knew exactly what to do to you to get you moaning and whining in his sheets. To get you panting and sweat beading at your forehead. To get your eyes fluttering as you came down from your high, body collapsing in his bed, and fingers limp in his hair. 

He knew your body like the back of your hand. And he knew your mind like no one else. In those late nights, he would watch you rapt. He listened while watching your mouth tilt up in a soft laugh when you told something funny, or the crease in your eyebrows when you tried to remember something on the tip of your tongue. He loved the way your eyes light up when you talked about your family, or one of the Pogues or something you loved. They shone so brightly, reflecting just how much you loved them so dearly. As you wove stories and memories in the dark room, he ran his finger tips along your skin, raising goosebumps. His lips would ghost yours, and whispered sweet words and pretty things. 

Nights were the best. When it was just you and him. Nothing but you two. The world didn’t exist, as far as you knew, it was just you guys, and the beds. The darkness settled over you, embracing you. Your hands would be intertwined, gently at war to people the other. His other hand would be on the side of your waist, thumb flicking slowly across the bare skin. Your other hand would be curled into the edges of his hair at the nape of his neck, and your legs would be tangled with his. Sheets would cover you two, twisting and folding against your skin. You’d wake up in the morning, a mess of bare skin and thin sheets. 

But mornings were the worst. You woke, a sinking feeling in your gut as you steeled yourself for the day. You wanted the nights to last forever, suspended in time. But your wish never came true. Not even when you wished apon a shooting star during one of the first nights.

Mornings made him a friend. Mornings cast him in an angelic light that you were forbidden to admire him in. The early light forced you in a cage that held you back from touching him and pressing loving kisses to his skin. Love wasn’t allowed during the day. But you desperately wanted it to be. You wanted to kiss him awake and let him make love to you in the early time. 

But you learned the hard way. The first night was magical. Just as wonderful as every other time, but it was new. Exciting and magical. Forever cast in your mind as the perfect moment in your life. But the morning came, as it always did, harsh and sneaky. It grabbed you by the shoulders and woke you, making you face what you didn’t want to. But it always came, and every daybreak forced you into the cage. 

After the night, he picked himself up, pulling on clothes and shielding his body from you. You were still sprawled in the bed, a frown etched into your mouth. You asked him breathlessly where he was going. He answered with, 

“We have to keep this a secret.”

The words sparked a mischievous light in you. You’d never snuck around with a boy before, and you knew it’d be amazing with the blonde before you. But the light was snuffed out by the words still coming from his throat. 

“This isn’t a relationship, Y/N. Just a onetime thing.”

But it was a pattern. You’d open the door the following evening, confused and ready for bed. But then your eyes landed on the well-built salt-lifer standing at your door. Your eyes widened, and you joined him in the hot night. You breathed his name, studying his frame. 

“Maybe this can be a two time thing?” He asked, eyes rapt on you and body hovering over yours. 

Your heart leapt and slammed against your rib cage, throwing your breathing into an uneven gallop. The memory of last night flashed through your mind and you arched your back and moved closer unconsciously. And JJ knew that. He saw the way your breathing shortened just a little and the way your shuffled forward and you peered up at him.

So he took it as a yes and asked if he could come inside. You obliged, unable to refuse. You lead him quietly to your room, anticipation making you practically bolt into the room. Before you could close the door, his lips landed and planted themselves on your neck. You gasped and watched as one of his hands shut and locked the door before he pushed you forward. You landed on your bed, hair around you in a halo. 

And the two time thing turned into three. Which bled into four and soon, you couldn’t remember how long it’d been going on. It’d been months, but the surfer had made it clear: friends until the sun falls. 

Play me a song that you like You can bet I'll know every line

You giggled and stuck your hand out the window of the van, savoring the feeling of the wind brushing through your open fingers. It cooled you, and whipped past you, but you loved the feeling and let out a small whoop. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a head swivel your way, so you turned to meet their eyes. JJ’s hands gripped the steering wheel, but his eyes were locked with yours. And for a split second, you felt like the only girl in the world. And the feeling was spectacular- because it was during the day. And you weren’t allowed to feel this way during the day.

You grinned at him, and sang loudly to the song playing from the radio. You stopped when another voice cut through you and the rest of the Pogues singing. JJ was singing. 

And he knew every line. He was singing it like a pro, taking the drops and rises of the song easily. You gaped as John B. whooped in the back. The rest of the Pogues freaked out, but it faded out as JJ sang the lyrics, keeping eye contact with you. 

He sang to you, his voice rough and a little gruff, but it was your favorite sound. Your heart swelled. He was singing to you. But it didn’t last long because JJ’s eyes flicked back to the road and the song faded into another.

The the moment lingered in your mind for long after it happened. Because for the first time- even if it was for a second- that wasn’t a friend moment. The cage opened, letting you see what it was like to have JJ love you all the time.

I'm the boy that your boy hoped that you would avoid Don't waste your eyes on jealous guys, fuck that noise I know better than to call you mine

JJ lounged on the couch, a beer propped in his hand. His usually light eyes were dark as he watched you and the newest member of the group laugh. Your hand was pressed against his chest and you smiled so brightly that it blinded JJ. 

Over the time of your nightly loving, JJ knew better than to call you his. And you knew better than to think he was yours. But seeing you be that flirty with someone else rubbed him the wrong way. He had gotten good at not catching feelings during the day, and not falling in love with you, but with sex and late night talks every night for at least three months came with attachment. And JJ was trying to push it away, but he studied the way your eyes danced to him and your smile brightened before turning back to the new boy.

Satisfaction sparked in JJ’s chest. Both of you knew better than to call each other theirs, but the attachment was still there. A small rope that was so fragile kept you connected. It was small, but it was there. And it was growing stronger each time you two connected. 

You sat next to the blonde, laughing at his jokes and smiling at his words. From the corner of his eyes, JJ saw the tall boy glare lightly. He was jealous. Little did he know that you moaned JJ’s name every night. JJ took another swig of his drink, watching you intently. He was going to make sure that you didn’t worry about any body else beside him tonight. He would make sure you weren’t thinking of the wrong boy.

Even though that boy had his claim on you. And he had it two weeks ago. But JJ never stopped showing at your door and you never stopped letting him in. It was a natural, habitual thing. It would be foreign to stop. Even if you had a boy, and had him for a month. But the month with him was nothing compared to the few with JJ. 

And that night, JJ made you forget. Like he always did. But now, he made you forget the name of the boy in the back of your mind. He kept going until you could barely form a thought and you were shaking.

I like to push my luck So take my hand, let's take a drive

JJ leaned over, whispering in your ear, his breath tickling your skin. He’d never done this. Never got this close. Not during the day. Not with your boy around. But he wasn’t, and neither was anyone else. You were alone. During the day, so you stayed friends and a normal distance apart, but JJ was breaking the rule he created. 

Your lips parted as he suggested a drive and kissed your neck, lips hot against your cool skin. You gasped lightly as the boy curled his hands around you, nose pressed against the hollow of your neck. You shivered lightly, and agreed. 

And soon you were driving. And sooner than that, you were loving during the day. His fingers dancing across your skin, lighting you up like no body else. His fingers touched and hit spots your boy could never. His skin slid against your sweaty skin. He made you scream his name, the sound quieted as he held his ring clad hand over your mouth as he pounded into you. But you back arched and he grunted in you ear. 

And as you neared you high you understood. This was a goodbye. He would never break the rule. Or love you during the day. This beautiful connection of souls was a goodbye. A farewell to the months of pleasure and late night loving.

You stopped, laying next to each other, bodies sweating and aching for air. And before regaining your friendship status, you leaned over and whispered in his ear, your own breath curling into his ear and tickling him. His blue eyes crinkled a he smiled, and returned the words.

It was your first time in the day, but your last time. Both of you said silent goodbyes to your late night loving.

I know better I know better I know better than to ever call you mine

You were curled in your boys arms, head resting on his chest. His arms were loose around you, but his chin rested on you head and his fingers drew lazy circles on the small of your back. You shivered at the feeling, but it brought a memory back. 

The memory of a certain blonde’s fingers doing the same exact thing. Your eyes roamed the room, passing over everyone until they landed on who you were looking for. The blue eyes seemed to understand as they locked with yours.

You seemed to remember the same exact moment that started your two am love.

[calitraditionalism]

Arc Three: Chapter Four

(AO3 counterpart here.)

He had always seen it.

The Runagate was correct about sleep; little Greykit was afraid to shut his eyes because it would come. Every night – or at least almost every night – he’d wake up in a panic, unable to comprehend, unable to explain to his mother or brother. He never wanted to talk about it, anyway. He didn’t even want to talk about it now.

It haunted him, sometimes, when he was awake. He couldn’t do anything correctly the first time. He was always scared. His ribs strained against his skin underneath the fluff of his pelt because even looking at the prey with a white star on its head made him want to vomit. He shivered when tales were told of ghosts and ancestors. Nettlecloud and Mistpaw were supportive and gentle, but they didn’t understand. No one did. No one could.

To occupy his mind and block the fear in a corner where it couldn’t reach his eyes, he dove into his training when he became an apprentice. He wasn’t good at hunting or fighting, but he stayed focused and practiced all he could, to the point of avoiding sleep for more than just the nightmares. It wasn’t until Nettlecloud got sick and a healer named Finchberry dropped by that he found something that genuinely excited him.

In no time, he became a healer’s apprentice, and he knew that it wasn’t a glamorous position. That was fine. The less attention, the better. Besides, he could keep cats alive longer with his skills.  

He didn’t know precisely what he was seeing, all this time, but something terrified him about death, far more than any other cat.

Except one.

There was a night, halfway through Greypaw’s apprenticeship, where he finally could not keep his eyes open any longer and fell into an uneasy slumber. He saw it again, and prepared to run, like he always did. But some instinct stopped him, froze him in his tracks. Without knowing why, he looked to his left.

Something thin and dark hid in one of the few places with shadows. It looked like a cat, even if it was a bit too long and nearly see-through.

Greypaw opened his mouth, grateful to have someone to talk to at last, but the dark thing lifted a paw and held it, unseen pads out. Hush. Say nothing.

Greypaw looked around nervously. It wasn’t paying attention to him.

He slowly turned and moved for the shadows, his paws landing on semi-firm ground. His fur prickled with fear, as it always did. But this was much better than it.

You’re a hard one to reach, they whispered, when he had gotten close enough. You who sees through the veil. Seems barely anything can get to you.

“Who are you?” Greypaw whispered back. “Can- can you rescue me? Can you stop this? I see this so often, I just…”

I hold hardly any power here, Greypaw. The silhouette’s vaguely-there eyes shut. It’s a miracle I’m talking to you to begin with. Now hark. I have something to show you.

They turned and started off at a trot, tail beckoning. Greypaw spared another glance backwards – he was still safe – and followed. The shadows swallowed them, a temporary sanctuary. Greypaw sagged with relief at the sensation of cool air and soft ground under his paws.

“Where are we?” Greypaw kept his voice low, in case it could hear still. “Do you know what I’m seeing?”

You see StarClan as it truly is, they said. You see a hungry thing pretending to be your afterlife.

Greypaw stopped. “Then…then it’s eating what I thought it was eating?”

A single nod.

Greypaw knew that he shouldn’t believe a figment of his imagination proclaiming something as bold, as sacrilegious as this, but he knew it was the truth. Thousands of things he had seen throughout his life became clear as the blue sky – the wailing starry cats, the prey dangling lifelessly in front of him, the lighted forms cracking in pieces and being shoved into those bodies, everything. He understood with perfect clarity.

“Aspects help us,” he said, shaking.

They cannot help us as things are. Their words were flippant, but their voice was sympathetic. It falls on us to do something. To spread the word. To save the Clan.

Greypaw still trembled, but he looked up. “You and I?”

You and I, they said, and stepped aside. And her.

Greypaw paused his walking. Ahead of them was the faintest outline of a stone forest…or perhaps just many piles of rocks. The stars were gone, but the moon fought its way through the fog and lit the stone structures just enough for Greypaw to make out another form.

A tall, red-brown molly stood in the center of the structures.

Their eyes met and widened. The molly started walking forward, stiff and alarmed.

This is all I can do, the silhouette said, as if in pain. For now, the rest is up to you. I’ve given you the link. Find-

A roar, a crash of boulders, a groan of trees, and Greypaw awoke.

His mentor, Finchberry, stood above him. She had a paw on his shoulder, like she had shaken him.

“You alright, lad?” she asked, gaunt face unusually concerned.

Greypaw wanted to curse her for waking him up, just as he wasn’t scared for his life for once. He instead blinked blearily at her. “I’m- I’m fine. Was I-?”

“You were twitching all over and mumbling,” Finchberry said. “I know you get the bad dreams, but I’ve never seen you like that. Looked like a seizure, almost.”

Greypaw’s eyes drifted to look at nothing. “Huh.”

He did not sleep again that night, as much as he wanted to. It surprised him, and amused him a little, that for once he looked forward to it.

He only saw that molly two times again – once more as an apprentice, and once after receiving his name and heading to work for the leaders. Both times started and ended the same: the stones, the meeting of eyes, the attempt to move forward, to speak, then being jerked back awake. Greyleaf hated it. He wanted to talk with this cat, whoever she was. He wanted to know someone else - someone physical and real - saw what he saw. He wanted whatever clarity he could get.

It took a while before he got it. That day, he was examining Cedarstar, who complained of a fever, cough, and shivers. Two other leaders sat nearby: Phoebestar of the Fleet and Fernstar of the Clast. They had wanted to stay nearby and observe their comrade in case it was something severe. Greyleaf half-listened to their conversation as they waited for him to be done.

“You don’t intend to replace Viceroyclaw, do you?” Phoebestar was saying. “With one as young as that?”

“Of course not.” Fernstar blinked slowly and dryly. “I just have enough confidence in her that if something happens, she’ll be ready to come here.”

“She’s only been deputy for a year, though-“ started Cedarstar, interrupted by a cough.

“Try not to speak,” Greyleaf said. “Let me see your throat, please.”

Cedarstar lifted her chin up. Greyleaf put his ear to her throat and listened for a wet sound.

“She’s an incredible molly, don’t get me wrong,” Phoebestar said. “But she’s barely out of the nursery. You already promoted her so early, and you haven’t heard from her about anyone that can replace her.”

“She still remains an option,” Fernstar said, in a clipped tone like she didn’t enjoy being questioned by her juniors. “You’ve met her, Cedarstar, haven’t you?”

“When we went down to that pile of stones you call a camp.” Cedarstar grinned.

Greyleaf paused. He quickly remembered himself and lifted his head, now sniffing along her body, ears perked.

“It serves its purpose as well as any other family settlement, and we protect all of you from stray bullies and rogues.” Fernstar made an exaggerated ‘so-there’ nod. “You could appreciate the houses, at least.”

“Just not quite a mountain forest,” Cedarstar replied, and coughed again. “Sorry, Greyleaf.”

It took Greyleaf a moment to realize he was being talked to. He cleared his throat. “You’re fine, ma’am.” He tried to sound natural as he added, “Who is this deputy you’re talking about?”

“She’s called Redheart,” Phoebestar said. “She serves the Clast. About your age, actually.”

Thank goodness that he was facing away from everyone, because his eyes were as round as the moon.

Red. Stones. His age.

But…no. Red- was for a regular ginger cat, not that roan color.

Still…

“Sounds familiar, actually,” he said, keeping his voice casual. “Has she been here before? Some ginger tabby?”

“No,” Fernstar said. “You wouldn’t have met her. She’s red-brown and she never leaves the family for long, if she can help it.”

Hope flared in Greyleaf’s chest.

“She’s going to that Coterie, though, isn’t she?” Phoebestar asked, oblivious to Greyleaf’s fur fluffing out a little.

“It’s close by the camp.” Fernstar did not appear to notice either. “She’d be gone for half a day, maximum. That’s as much as she’ll tolerate.”

“Good for her to get out more. Help expand her horizons.”

Fernstar sighed. “StarClan knows she’ll need it in time.”

“Coterie?” Greyleaf winced at how loud his voice sounded in the hollow den. “Where?”

“Near where you lived, actually,” Phoebestar said. She had a knowing look in her eye and Greyleaf prayed under his breath was just something surface-level.

“Huh,” he said. “That’s- that sounds nice.”

Phoebestar seemed a little amused. “I can tell you want to go, Greyleaf.”

Greyleaf held his breath.

“You’d like to see your family, I assume,” Fernstar said.

He quietly let go of the breath. “I would, yes. It’s been a while.” He remembered Cedarstar and hastened, “But if you’re sick, I shouldn’t-“

“We’ve got herbs here,” Cedarstar said. “You can take a couple days off, if you’d like. What plants do I eat for this?”

Greyleaf straightened up, calmer in familiar territory. “Well, feverfew and lavender are my recommendations. Both are good to stop the chills and fever. The cough should subside with that for a bit.” He dreaded the answer, but he still went with the polite question. “If you’re sure you’ll be alright…”

“I will,” Cedarstar promised. “And I know what to take. I’ll be fine until you come back.”

Greyleaf managed to not sigh in relief. “Is Beetlefoot here, then? I’d like to let my family know I’ll be there.”

“He’ll be happy for something to do.” Fernstar smiled a bit. “I’ve heard him muttering under his breath about restlessness and ‘lazing about’.”

“I’ll find him for you,” said Phoebestar, and she got up and trotted off into the tunnels.

Greyleaf continued his work, asking questions and giving advice, his mind totally separate from his body.

Redheart, he thought. It has to be her. Please, aspects, let it be her.

[xlovelybeanx]

✭ This show has completely wrecked my mental game up - so you know what I have to say to that?

...

✭Let’s write cute fan fiction about it in hopes that it’ll cure the sadness right out! (I doubt it..I have been crying over it for the past few months.)

✭Spoilers ahead! If you have not seen past episode 9, please do not read. If you still wanna read, that’s completely fine <3!

✭Also this is my first time writing something like this! I hope you guys like it.

——————————————————————————

Title: “Smile, my sunshine.”

Ship: AshEiji

Summary: Ash’s mind had been torn apart from that night - the night where he had to do such a disgraceful thing to his best friend - and has been restless ever since. Luckily, Eiji knows the right way to keep him happy.

WARNING: This is a tickle fic! There are mentions of death, and grief. Please be mindful when reading! Also, art doesn’t belong to me. (I wish I could draw like that.)

���—————————————————————————

“Oi, Ash.”

Eiji pounded on his door once more, his tone growing frustrated with every time he had to come back and pound on this stupid door. The frown on his face was clear to see from miles away and his eyes were narrowed so low that he was afraid that he might end up breaking the door with how intense he was staring at it.

There would be no need for him to feel this way if somebody - Ash Lynx - would actually get up and go on with his day. Of course, if Eiji was in that situation, he wouldn’t want to get out of bed either - but Ash couldn’t act like the world was ending. He had to live on because life was ... just worth living.

And because somebody made breakfast, Eiji thought angrily to himself before grabbing the knob and twisting it harshly. Walking into the younger male’s room, everything looked ... almost perfect. Bed was made, curtains were semi-open, and the rest of his stuff was laying in a neat pile - just the way Eiji liked it.

But that lead the question - where was Ash?

Eiji almost went to call out his name, but stopped as he heard the soft trickle of water coming from the shower. Slowly making his way to the sound, he opened the door to find a sleep deprived child sitting in the tub with only his black underwear on. ... the elder’s eyes almost filled with pity. Walking over, the black haired boy tried to figure out what’s going on.

“Ash, talk to me.. did you get any sleep last night?” he asked, petting the top of his head softly. The blonde shook his head, a blank stare still stuck on his face.

“I couldn’t,” he admitted, wiping his eyes with a force that was even surprising to him. “...I c-couldn’t.. think about anything but him, Eiji...” the younger broke down in sobs, covering his face with his hands, feeling the soft patter of water on the back of his hands. It somehow seemed to comfort him, if only a little.

It would make sense that he didn’t get over Shorter’s death that quickly. But to think, for a guy to be almost broken over something he watches everyday - it tugged at the black haired boy’s heartstrings in a way that nothing has ever done before.

“...you should’ve just talked to me,” Eiji mumbled into his ear, closing his eyes as he rested his head on his shoulder. “I’m here for that reason, you know.” Ash looked up, his jade green eyes filled with an indescribable pain.

“I know..” he said, wiping the last of his tears on his wrist. The other nudged Ash’s arm and pointed toward the door. “...why don’t we cuddle so you can fall asleep?” He immediately shook his head. He looked as if he was going to die if he fell asleep - hence him sitting in the tub and hoping that it kept him awake.

“I’m not leaving you in the tub.” He crossed his arms, standing back up. The other leaned against the wall, blinking a couple of times to force himself to stay awake. Ash immediately looked up at him - there was a bright aura coming from him, as if he was the embodiment of sunshine itself. The other exhaled quickly, standing up with shaky legs. “..woah! Woah, careful now,” Eiji said, grabbing on to Ash’s arms when it seemed like he was going to fall.

“...I’m okay,” he said as he wrapped an arm around him. “Sit down,” Eiji ordered him as he sat on a seat they keep in their room. The younger obliged, reluctantly, watching as he got a towel from the bathroom and started drying his hair.

“...you’re depressed about ..it, aren’t you?”

The question caught Ash by surprise.

“...of course I am. .. he’s always been my best friend - I don’t think I’d be who I am without him. ...but when I saw you getting attacked by him, I knew I couldn’t just.. sit there and do nothing. I-It was so hard to pull the trigger. ..I almost couldn’t do it..” before he had realized it, the gang leader had been throwing out his feelings to the boy who stuck by him the entire time. “...I know I didn’t know Shorter that well,” Eiji started, finishing with his hair and moving down to his body. “...but I could tell how much he meant to you. Probably much more than me,” he said jokingly, hoping to brighten the mood. The blonde’s expression hadn’t changed from the sad frown he had on since he shot Shorter.

... what could I do to make him laugh, Eiji thought as he continued drying. Then he hit across something - something spectacular - and if it was true, well, maybe he would be able to get Ash out of this depressive situation that held him hostage.

“Ash~?”

“Eiji,” he mumbled, trying to be snarky and failing.

“Can I do something?”

“...sure, go ahead,” the blonde yawned as he stretched upwards, his whole body arching into the best stretch he’s ever had. This is when he took the time to seize his opportunity.

Eiji’s fingers travelled directly to his ribs, soft and delicate not to hurt him but to drive him wild with laughter instead. The reaction was instantaneous; Ash let out an unmanly squeak while one arm shot down to protect himself, the other to cover his mouth.

“...ohohokay, mind explaining that noise, Ash?” Eiji couldn’t keep himself from laughing like an idiot - the gang leader’s face was entirely red and he shook it, unable to say anything at the moment.

“Playing the strong, silent type, eh? Lucky for you, I win tickle fights with my sister all the time so I’m prepared. But the real question is, are you?” From Ash being so weak from not sleeping all night, he was actually quite surprised when the elder picked him up to the best of his ability and threw him on the bed, sitting on his waist with a snarky grin on his face.

“Ash, say, do you think you can smile? Just for me?”

“...please don’t,” Ash mumbled, his eyes closed and his whole face bright red - he didn’t want to know what came next.

“Don’t what?”

“Tickle me!”

Eiji’s grin only widened as the boy fell right into his trap. This is exactly where he wanted him to be - and he was playing right into it, too.

“Tickle you? Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

And so 10 fingers descended on the blonde’s poor ribs, ever so gently scraping across each and every singular rib.

“..h-hey! Waihihihit-! Stahahahap that-! N-No!” Hysterical giggles poured out of the blonde’s mouth. Eiji was so surprised by his squeaky laughter that he almost just stopped tickling him to begin with - ...he found it honestly quite cute. The way his head was thrown back, the bright red blush on his face.. it was so cute.

“...oh? What’s wrong? Does it tickle? How badly? On a scale from 1-10?” The teasing tone dripped with every word he said, and it didn’t stop there. “..broken already? My little sister can handle more than you. Beaten by a girl? Seriously? That’s pretty frustrating isn’t it?”

And it made it 100 times worse.

“CUHUHUT IHIHIHIT OHOHOUT! EIHIHIJI! F-FUHUHUCK! STAHAHAP!” The blonde was now squirming profusely, shutting his eyes tightly as tears pricked on the corners. Oh god, what had he found himself into it? Him? Tickled to death by the weakest, most kind, most gullible person he knows? That’s just unfair at that point.

“..hmm, I wonder what happens here.” Eiji quickly stuck his hands underneath of his arms, expecting a small reaction. The reaction he got was anything but small.

Ash shrieked, his hands collapsing on his most sensitive spot and trapping his friend’s hands there. Eiji’s eyes widened in surprise, smirking along with his friend who was basically getting tortured in front of him. “Ah, Ash, ...I can’t do anything when you trap my hands like that, you know. You have to get them out.” He said, wiggling his fingers faster.

“YOHOHOHOHO BIHIHIHITCH! FUHUHUHUHUHUCK!! STAHAHAHAHAHAP!! PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE!”

“...hmm, let’s see, are you happy yet?”

“YEHEHEHEHES! FOHOHOR GOHOHOHODS SAHAHAHAKE, YEHEHES!”

“... and are you gonna come straight to bed so you get enough sleep?”

“I CAHAHAHANT- I HAHAHAHAVE A JOHOHOHOB!”

Eiji dug his fingers into his friend’s underarms, furrowing his eyebrows. Ash jerked, throwing his head back once more as his whole body shook with ticklish agony.

“I said... ‘are you gonna come straight to bed so you can get enough sleep?’”

“FIHIHIHIHINE! WHAHAHAHATEHEHVER! NOHOHOW PLEHEHEHEASE STOHOHOHOP!”

And just like he said, the other stopped with no hesitation, leaving a bright red teary-eyed man laying there, gasping for breath. “...w-whahat.. the hell, Eiji..” he mumbled, covering his face.

“Your laugh is quite cute,” Eiji said softly into his ear. “...Don’t expect me to forget about this~!” The other laid down on the bed, pulling the blonde to his chest as he pet the back of his head, watching him melt into his touches as if he were some sort of animal.

“..can I ask you a selfish favor, Eiji?” Ash whispered, burying his face within his chest. The other nodded, smiling softly.

“...stay.. by my side. Please.”

“You don’t have to worry- even if the world turns it’s back on you, I’ll stay by your side. Forever.” Ash slowly closed his eyes, drifting into a peaceful sleep as he felt satisfied with the answer he got. Eiji leaned down and gave him a kiss on his forehead - something he’ll forget when he wakes up but something Eiji will treasure forever.

“.... always smile, my sunshine.”

——————————————————————————

Hope you enjoyed this! I’ll be doing more in the future when I get more confident. .. thank you for reading! <3.

[colonel-insomniac]

Lost Cause (or the Lack Thereof)

So I feel like I didn’t hurt Ezra enough last time. Consider this my sincere apology for that. Just joking, but here’s another one in which I might have made Ezra not very ok. Uhm, @my-blood-is-maple-syrup and @pawsomelybuggy it’s ok. Everything’s ok so let’s not be m a d at me, ok? Cool. Also, Pon fic in the works? maybe. maybe not. a n y w a y s READ.

Ezra lived in static. At least, that was how it had started to feel. He couldn’t sleep, food tasted like cardboard, he couldn’t focus and he didn’t want to do anything. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could see were the bodies, lives taken through his hands. And it hurt him. It scared him in the times he did sleep, because almost always there would be a couple that started to drag their way towards him. 

He knew that both Kai and Pon worried for him, and he felt terrible for that. He just didn’t know how to shrug off whatever funk he was in. Most days he was out of their shared apartment by the time the sun’s first rays touched the skies, burrowing himself far within the forest. Past the site from that fateful day and further in. Further and further until there was a pain in his ribs and his breaths short in length because the feeling was cathartic. It gave him something to focus on instead of the monsters living within his mind. 

And honestly, Kai and Pon had grew to understand that waking up in the morning without Ezra present in the space was just going to be a norm until he could cope in a different way. Kai still felt bad, still missed his friend— who was he kidding, his lover— wished to wake up with him there for once. For things to not be so messy so they could all just relax.

Ezra lay among the snow, the chill from the ice working its way into his bones, numbing him. He was able to escape. 

But maybe there’s such a thing as being too numb, and that’s where he feels the sting in his eyes, a telltale sign that he is truly so close to the edge of collapsing and he really does not want plummet into those depths. In all honesty, Ezra’s afraid of what lurks at the bottom if he were to just let go. 

And so he sits, dragging his knees to his chest, knowing bits of snow stick to his shirt. Ezra would just let himself shiver, relishing in the ability to feel something other than this misery. Every breath was a shock to his lungs, hurt in a way that couldn’t harm him physically, but would allow him to feel something, anything, because his despair seemed to be bottomless and the growing urge to hide away was scary.

He heads home after a bit, trudging slowly in the snow, each step stoking some smoldering fire of passion and determination with him, though it was apparently very slow to ignite. By the time his keys jingled in the lock as he opened the door, Kai was out in the living room, wringing his sleeves or fingers, or messing with something so that he could let out the anxiety dwelling in his bones. 

Ezra settles on the couch beside Kai, not sure of what to say, or do at first. After a minute, he rests his head on Kai’s lap, and the other boy abandons his fidgeting, and places his fingers instead on Ezra’s head. He gently began running his fingers through the hair on Ezra’s head, and Ezra closes his eyes. Relishing in the combination of silence and touch, he closes his eyes and sighs, feeling slightly content for the first time since getting back to Earth. 

And then Kai starts humming a tune to some song Ezra can’t place a name for. But the sound of the song being vocalized through Kai, and the knowledge of how much music means to Kai is enough to make his heart fill, his mind trying to tell him see, you did something right. And so he lets the emotions spill over into the real world, allowing the tears to slide down the side of his face. He isn’t sure if Kai notices, and doesn’t know how much he cares to know whether his conniption has been perceived by Kai yet. 

Kai’s fingers push into Ezra’s scalp at the gentle crescendoes in his voice, easing at the decrescendoing. Ezra lets himself feel the sensation, and allows it to lull him into such a contented state that he begins to doze off, accepting a temporary escape into the arms of unconsciousness. 

When Ezra opens his eyes, it’s not to the feeling of Kai’s fingers in his hair. He sits up, not yet noticing his surroundings, but his eyebrows furrow at the sight of a fire against what looks like a grey wall. His first coherent thought runs along the lines of why are they burning a fire indoors? 

That’s when he rubs his eyes and sits up. It looks like he’s in some cave...at night? Something seems off, and when he spots a seated and dozing Pon, and Kai staring straight into the fire, he rushes to his knees, deaf to the sound of Kai worriedly calling his name. The blood roars in his ears, but his heart feels like it’s stopped at the sight of one tell-tale sign of where they were— the moon. It wasn’t gray, like it should be. It was the moon from Azurelle. 

How were they back? How could they be back? He’d made sure all three of them had escaped alive. They should be on Earth right now, not here on… 

Ezra swallowed, unable to admit the planet’s name, even in his own mind. He stumbled around the side of the cave, sinking down into snow that shocked his system into believing he was there again. Where he’d apparently remain. 

He closed his eyes, trying to calm down so he could think rationally. When he opened them again, he was alone in a field, standing amidst a sea of bleeding bodies. Looking down, he caught sight of his blood soaked shirt, and stained hands. His stomach turned, and he felt his breathing quicken, confused and terrified. Mostly terrified of himself and what had he done? 

Ezra heard a gasp from behind him, and turned to see Kai, who looked horrified, hands covering his mouth. “What have you done?” he exclaimed, eyes refusing to leave Ezra’s. The taller of the two frowned, how was Kai up and walking when they had just returned from him being held hostage? How were there no scratches or bruises on him? Was it possible he had dreamt up the whole situation in his mad craze? 

“Kai! You’re okay!” Was all he was able to get out, voice high in excitement. 

“I was, until you murdered everyone!” Kai spat, stepping back when Ezra tried to move towards him. Ezra stood still and closed his eyes, unable to think with all the blood around him. 

His eyes flew open at the sound of a scream. A pained one. He saw Kai, something buried within his torso. There weren’t any dead bodies anymore, only Kai falling to the ground, and Ezra dropping to his knees. 

“Kai.” The younger boy looked up at his name, green eyes dimming and full of pain. 

“I’m not gonna make it.” Was the short, choked reply. Ezra’s eyes stung. He couldn’t do this. Nothing more. He couldn’t take it, the thought of life without Kai, the thought of Earth without him was unbearable. 

“No, no, no, please Kai, please don’t leave.” Ezra begged, panicking as Kai coughed, a drop of blood staining his cheek. 

“Ezra…” Kai whispered. “Kai,” He answered, “I can’t do this without you. Please.” He felt his panic increase when Kai’s eyes closed, and tried shaking him. 

He kept shaking, his eyes closed but tears slipping out freely. 

He didn’t understand what was going on, the desperation clawing it’s way out of him, the emotions rising, because Kai was gone. He was going to have to live without Kai, and how could he do that?

There was a part of Ezra that thought he heard Kai calling, but it couldn’t be. This was too real to be fake. He didn’t want to open his eyes. 

Ezra’s eyes snapped open, the rise and fall of his chest too fast and the first thing to register on his mind was the feeling of being unable to breathe. The next was something wet on his face, tears. The last was the sensation of fingers on his arm. 

He felt his eyes widen when he looked up and saw Kai’s face, scratches and bruises healing, but more so in the light. “Ezra, you’re okay.” Kai leaned down, pressing a kiss to his forehead, hand brushing hair out of the way. 

Ezra sat up, putting his head in his hands. “What happened?” Kai whispered, hand now rubbing circles on Ezra’s back, trying to not cut the contact. Ezra knew that that helped. 

“Bad dream,” He started, sniffing. “We were in the cave on Azurelle, then the field, where everyone was dead. Because of me, and you were angry with me. And then you were hurt, and I couldn’t do anything.” Ezra pressed a hand to his own abdomen, trying to convey more of the last part without having to admit it. He was scared that admitting it would make it real, and it being real would be unbearable. 

Kai’s hand withdrew, and Ezra forced his eyes to stay open, urging himself not to blink. He was scared of what would be there when he opened them. “Ezra, blink.” Kai warned, watching. 

Ezra shook his head. “I’m scared of what will change if I do.” Kai slipped a hand in Ezra’s with a quiet sigh of concern. 

“Hold my hand, so that when you open your eyes, you know it’s real.” Heart beating fast, Ezra closed his eyes, hand gripping Kai’s. He let them stay that way for a couple moments, testing his luck. 

But when he opened them, Kai was still there, still bathed in the morning sunlight. Taking his hand back, Kai looked at Ezra “And as for me being hurt again,” He began, hands holding onto the hem of his shirt, “I’m also fine.” He lifted it, and Ezra’s eyes ran over the skin of Kai’s torso, finding no new injuries. 

Ezra’s hand drifted towards Kai, but he stopped, eyes glancing to Kai’s face. The boy nodded, grabbing Ezra’s hand and placing it on his abdomen. Ezra found nothing, fingers simply tracing over now-old scars. “See, I’m fine.” Kai whispered. 

Ezra couldn’t help but feel the tears buildup again, out of a mixture of relief and exhaust. Kai dropped the shirt to cover his torso, hands cupping Ezra’s cheeks to wipe away the tears that slid down the other’s face before dropping them into his own lap. “Just give up on me...I’m a lost cause” Ezra said helplessly, wiping away new tears from his face.

“Oh darling,” Kai leaned forward and kissed Ezra’s cheek. “You’re not a lost cause...you’re just someone who needs help. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Kai stood, offering Ezra a hand. When he accepted, Kai helped him to his feet, walked Ezra to Kai’s room, where he pushed Ezra to the bed. 

Ezra climbed in, wiping his face again as he watched Kai climb in from the other side of the bed. Kai tossed the bed covers over Ezra, and pulled them over himself, wiggling his way as close to Ezra as he physically could. Ezra hesitantly wrapped his arms around Kai, who proceeded to reach a hand up to stroke Ezra’s cheek, hoping to provide comfort that he knew his lover needed. 

“You can come here whenever you need to,” Kai whispered. “I’m always going to be here for you, because you are my love.” Ezra closed his eyes at the words, happiness rolling off him in waves. His cheeks flushed, because that was the first time Kai had said that, and he rushed to return the sentiment, pressing a kiss to Kai’s cheek and smiling when he heard Kai giggle.

Getting better might not be so easy, but as long as Kai was his, maybe Ezra could manage. His smile grew at the feeling of his necklace chain on the back of Kai’s neck, his heart full for the first time in a while.

[moodys-art]

if you do angst, could you do one about all (or selectively) la squadra re acting to there s/o being mortally injured? if you do angst, if not its fine u w u

La Squadra reacting to their s/o being mortally injured 🦇

There it is, finally ! Sorry for the delay ! I hope you’re still around to read it 🥺

Warnings : nothing overly explicit, but there is mention of death, blood, some injuries of course, and a bunch of angst...So be careful !

Risotto

The night it happened, you and Riz were gone for a few days out of town to take down a group of old gamblers that messed with La Passione and the citizens in the area. You succeeded, but failing to escape a giant rock being thrown at you, you fell in the arms of another enemy and were badly injured to the waist.

At the end of the fight, Risotto had found a way to keep you from bleeding until you two got to the nearest hospital. Unfortunately, his stand wasn’t enough. As the man was driving on the highway, you felt yourself fall in a dark, deep slumber, only to wake up in a different place, with so much light that you almost couldn’t open your eyes. Oh, it hurt, it hurt so much. You felt something on your hand, a warm, tingling sensation, and you knew it was Risotto’s hand. He was there, and it was all that you needed to know for now.

After some days passed, you were finally able to move back to La Squadra’s hideout. During this time, you rested all you could. Risotto had a lot of work, but he never missed an occasion to tell you to sit, or to go lie down. Indeed, he often found you trying to stand up and walk a bit, and was having none of it. Risotto often invited you in his office, which was also his room, so he could watch on you from time to time without having to worry too much.

This man wasn’t outwardly affectionate, but you knew he cared. He cared, maybe a little bit too much.

You sometimes convinced him to take some naps with you, and those kind of moments had been really useful to your recovery. The painkillers soothed your pain. And in Risotto’s embrace, everything was comfortable, warm, and you knew nothing could happen to you.

Prosciutto

You always kept up very well with your missions. You never needed anyone’s help. Prosciutto was proud of you, but he wanted you to stop helping Pesci so much, as he thought the fisherman now needed to do things on his own. But the day before you left, you had a really bad argument with Prosciutto about it. You were stressed, sad, angry, and the man’s bossiness had had the best of you. You left La Squadra’s hideout without even telling him a single word. But oh, was it a bad idea. 

Effectively, later that night, trying to protect Pesci by jumping in front of him (well, you were stubborn), you ended up laying on the ground in a pool of your own blood, badly injured to the sides. When the rest of the team finally came to your rescue, Pesci panicking and explaining the situation to a very pale Prosciutto, your vision was already blurring.

Prosciutto spent the night at your bed. During your stay at the hospital, you never got the occasion to see him properly : the anesthetics made everything around you seem hazy and strange, the dull colors of the room blending before your eyes. But the fleeting moments of consciousness you sometimes experienced made you notice some things. How his braids were messy, undone, from the way he had been running his hands through his blonde hair. How his sunken, blue electric eyes were fluttering from exhaustion, surrounded by dark circles. You spent a week at the hospital, unable to move, to talk, to even think too much.

The month that followed at the hideout was pretty much the same, but you were now more aware. Prosciutto was willing to spend as much time as possible with you. He had some work, but each moment he could spend with you, he was by your side. Pampering you, taking your temperature, your tension, checking your injury. His attitude was motherly. He told you, again, in softer words, that you didn’t need to risk everything to save the others from getting injured. He was proud of you, and you didn’t need to prove anything to him.

Pesci

It happened all of a sudden : you were hanging out with the team at some club in order to unwind from all the stressful missions. Everyone was having fun, even Ghiaccio. You needed to go to the toilets, so you let go of Pesci’s hand and told him you were coming back in a few minutes. Except, you didn’t see the enemy spying on the team, and especially you, because he had some business to settle since the last time you escaped him. As soon as you closed the door and began walking towards a cabin, he was right behind your back, and cornered you near the sinks.

The fight was memorable, yes, and you did succeed to put him out of state, but he had hurt you very badly to the ribs. You took out your phone, merely unable to breathe, to try and call your boyfriend. Pesci came to your rescue in the next minute, accompanied by Prosciutto and Risotto.He immediatly panicked : you were laying here, in front of him, almost fainting from the lack of oxygen. Prosciutto took him by the shoulders and told him that he had to refrain himself from crying, that what you needed now was help, support, and not wasted tears (mean Prosci >:().

You finally got to the hospital. The doctors had to heal your lungs which were badly injured by your ribs, but eventually, everything turned out fine. When you woke up, you saw Pesci, sat beside your bed, sound asleep, head laying next to your shoulder. When you tickled his head near his green hair, he jumped and almost cried out of relief. He told you you were very lucky, because if they had waited a bit longer, you probably wouldn’t have survived the lack of oxygen.

Back at the hiedout, he immediatly arranged some space for you to be comfortable. Pesci wasnt a really the type to like conflicts and negotiations, but after he talked about it with his aniki, he went to Risotto to try and extend your rest period. The capo accepted, of course, and you had plenty of time to cuddle with your sweet boyfriend. He bought you some gifts, anything you liked (clothes, books, video games, plushies, whatever you wanted), so you could be as happy and comfortable as possible.

He became a bit more clingy, but it was adorable. You always liked the way he clumsily peppered your face in soft kisses. You always liked his bear hugs, the sweetest hugs in the world.

Melone

Melone was fond of you. You had every quality in his mind, but unfortunately, your willingness to fight back no matter what sometimes made him worried about your safety. From time to time, he backed you up with Babyface, which wasn’t nothing, and although you were grateful for his sweet care, you couldn’t help but tell him he didn’t need to. You were going to be okay.

Alas, the last mission you were sent to almost got you killed. Your chest hurt so bad that you fainted a few times before the back-up arrived. You woke up in a white room full of strange sounds. You felt dizzy, nauseous. According to what you could hear in the distance, your heart was okay, but you would need some good rest before going on any missions. Melone was sitting beside your bed, softly caressing your hair.

Once you were out of the hospital, Melone asked you if you wanted to stay at his appartment. “It would be more practical, my lovely gattina, if you ever need any help. What do you think ?” If you refused, he wouldn’t have forced it, but he would have made sure to check up on you at any time he deemed necessary to do so (he was willing to call you in the middle of the night and in the early morning, as the night-owl he was). But if you accepted his offer, oh, dear, you were not going to lift a single finger. You never needed to bother and stand up, because Melone would always get things for you.

He didn’t show it in a very emotional and vulnerable way, but Melone was relieved that you got out of it safe and sound. He was infinitely grateful for the fact that you were still alive. In the late hours of the night, when he was sure you were asleep, he allowed himself to tear up silently.

Melone cooked you delicious lunches, and checked for all the best ingredients to give you some vitamins and nice nutrients. He made sure you were hydrated and that your injury

When the pain sometimes came, he sat down to your side and shoved his plushee into your arms. He only had one, and it was very precious to him. It smelled of his perfume, and something else quite flowery, soothing. “Keep it with you, sweet amore. I want you to know I’ll always have your back from now on.” he said, planting a gentle kiss to your temple, and then resting his head on your shoulder, sniffing a little.

[deans-mind-palace]

Nightcrawler

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Summary: Jensen and you never got along well. But when a stunt accident almost caused him losing you, everything changes. What will Jensen have to say if you wake up?

Word Count: 2,182

Warnings: Description of an accident, Mean!Jensen, Angst, Fluff

Author’s Note: Based on this request. Anonymous: Can I ask a Jensen x fem!reader, where reader is an actress on spn. Jensen kinda hates her (like don’t like her). One day some stunt accident happens on set and reader goes in critical situation. Jensen gets very upset, stays with reader every time from ambulance till hospital. Goes crazy over the reader surprising Jared, Misha and other people on ser since everyone assumed he doesn’t like her. But he ends up confessing to reader at the end and alllll fluffy end?

It was late in the evening, but you had just arrived on the set for your shoot today. It was a night shoot, because the scene had to be shot in the dark outside on the studio grounds. It was a particularly important scene and you were late, so you hurried straight into make-up.

"Look who's late. Again." Jensen greeted you friendly as always. You rolled your eyes. "Mind your own business, Ackles." you were giving back before falling in the chair next to Misha. It was the seat furthest away from the blond actor. Misha sighed after you gave your best friend a quick hug. "I will never understand your hatred for each other." he muttered with a side glance at Jensen, who was now excitedly engrossed in a conversation with Jared and the make-up artist.

The truth was that you and Jensen didn't like each other from the very beginning. In your eyes he was an arrogant ass who looked good and was fully aware of that fact. In his eyes you were a bitch who couldn't understand a joke and was closed off. Neither of you had ever bothered to look behind the façade of the other one. Right on your first day on set you had argued so terribly that the shooting of the scene had to be stopped. When you were told a few weeks ago that you were to play Dean's love interest in the series from now on, the arguments between you had reached their peak.

"So, nervous about shooting tonight?" Misha ripped you out of your thoughts. You took a deep breath and tried to give him a halfway confident smile. "Oh, no. It's okay," you said. Misha saw right through you and gave you an encouraging smile. "I'll be okay. Don't worry about it." Further back you could hear the deep laughter of Jensen and Jared patted him on the shoulder in a brotherly way. You turned your eyes away when Jensen looked over.

A few minutes after your make-up was ready, a young personal assistant also walked into the trailer. "Ms L/N? We need you on set in ten," he reminded you. "Of course, thank you." you smiled. Then he looked at you nervously and fidgeted. Your eyebrows furrowed in wonder. "Can I help you with anything else?" you asked and smiled at the nervous student. "Err... No - Yes. Y-yes. I-I'm a big fan of yours. You're such a great actress and-" Jensen snorted in the background, for which you gave him a deadly look that made the young PA freeze completely, but Jensen was not the least bit bothered. You smiled reassuringly at the PA and granted him his wish for a selfie, then he led you to the set and lectured you for a few more minutes on how great he thought you were. You smiled and nodded from time to time, but you were far too nervous about the upcoming shoot to really listen to him. He didn't seem to notice that.

The spotlights were already set up and radiated the dark area. Cameras were flashing and the car was ready.  It was time for the shoot. A bit away, Jensen sat in his chair and watched the action. Technicians hurried across the set. Cameramen were changing settings and the director gave final instructions for the scene.

"Everyone to their places, please!" shouted the director and clapped his hands. You took off your bathrobe and swallowed before stepping on your green mark. Immediately the director approached you. "You ready, Y/N?" he asked you. "This is an important and difficult scene. You must be ready for it because we only have one car, the next one would have to be delivered first." You nodded, unable to put your doubts into words. You wanted to appear professional, damn it! "All right, you know how the scene works? You're standing on the marker. The car, possessed by a demon, is going to race towards you, but you jump aside at the last second because you lure it into a trap and it crashes into the wall behind you. All right?" he went over the sequence of the scene with you again. "Yes." Your voice sounded uncertain, but he didn't seem to notice. "Fine, let's do it." He turned away.

"Light? "Check." "Camera? "Rolling." "Silence on set, please. Scene 17, Take 1. Go!"

As soon as the engine of the car in front of you stuttered to life, the sweat broke out on your forehead. Your fingers trembled, but it appeared as if it was part of your acting. You swallowed and your fingers clenched into fists. "Come on!" you shouted to the possessed car. "Come and get me!" The headlights of the car flickered and it roared a couple of times on the spot. The radio turned up loud and AC/DC's 'Highway to Hell' came out of the speakers, before the tires screeched and spun, and then the car started moving rapidly. Now it was getting serious. When the car crossed the green line, you had to jump to the side onto the green mat.

But the car approached the green line relentlessly and you were frozen like a deer caught in the headlights. Literally. When it reached the green line, you couldn't move a muscle. Immediately, panic broke out around you and the last thing you saw were Jensen's green, wide-open eyes filled with panic before the car hit you.

Suddenly everything happened very quickly. You felt a stabbing pain shoot through your legs as you collided with the bumper. Immediately, you were hurled over the hood, bounced over the roof and hit the ground. Blood ran from your hand and forehead where you had been smashed into the glass. Pain shot through your entire body, then everything went black.

For a split second there was complete silence on the set, then hell broke loose. The director instructed everyone to stay calm, an ambulance was called, but Jensen didn't notice the chaos around him. His gaze was locked on your motionless body as if in a trance. Then he jumped up and started running. Kneeling on the ground, he slid towards you. You had lost consciousness and blood was running from the cuts on your hands. His fingers trembled as he brushed the locks of hair from your face. He would have loved to lay your head in his lap and watched over you until the ambulance arrived, but he knew there was a chance the fall had broken your spine. Your face was pale and smeared with red crimson.

Suddenly he heard yelling in the background. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Misha rushed out of the trailer followed by Jared and ran towards Y/N. Jensen held your bloody hand and stroked your forehead. Your breath was very shallow. He paid no attention to his panicked friend at all. All his attention and concern was only for you. As if in shock, his gaze kept wandering over your wounds. His breathing trembled and with every breath he had the feeling that his chest would burst. Should it end like this? You dying in front of him? Never again your cheeky comments or your bickering in the morning when you arrived late on set again? Would he never be able to make you coffee with too much sugar purposely, because he knew how much you hated sugar in your coffee? Or would he never ever listen to your complaints you always made when you were getting your hair done next to him and he just rolled his eyes? Would he never see the sparkle in your eyes again when a day of shooting was successfully completed? Or would he never feel the joy again when he saw you again after a long break in shooting, even though he would never admit it? A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed. Next to him Jared moved Misha away.

Suddenly, turmoil broke out again. The ambulance hurried to the set and immediately bent down to you. Jensen did not hear their words. But the doctor ordered two paramedics to lay you down on the stretcher. "Sir, you have to let go of her hand now," One of the paramedics told him. "N-no." Jensen shook his head violently. "I-I can't leave her alone." The very thought filled his stomach with nausea. His voice croaked. "I ask you only once more, Sir." But Jensen made no move. Suddenly, Jared grabbed him from behind and pulled him away. Jensen tried to fight back, but he was afraid to cause you more damage. "No! I can't leave her, Jared," he yelled in panic and tried to free himself from the iron grip of his best friend. "Sssh. It's okay, Jensen! It's gonna be okay! They're taking her to the hospital now," Jared explained calmly. But Jensen didn't take his words seriously.

"Let me be with her," Jensen pleaded. "Okay, it's okay, Jay. I'll take you to the hospital." Jensen shook his head. The paramedic cleared his throat because he felt sorry for the distraught man. "Family members are allowed to ride in the ambulance, so..." Even before he had finished the sentence, Jensen had already started running. Shoulder shrugging, Jared looked at the Doctor. "I'll catch up with my friend." He nodded at Misha, who was beside himself. The doctor nodded.

In the car, Jensen had already taken your hand. Gently he stroked the skin with his thumb, careful not to touch any of your wounds. The paramedics put you on all kinds of tubes and you still weren't conscious. Jensen got sick at the sight of all the wires running into your body. All the needles they stuck under your skin. Suddenly the ECG kicked in and your heartbeat started beating flat. "Fractures of the ribs 11 to 12. Craniocerebral trauma. Multiple contusions and a broken leg. Also some superficial lacerations." explained a paramedic. " Her condition is critical. She has sustained severe head injuries and internal bleeding cannot be ruled out. A hematoma is probably already forming. She must go to the O.R. immediately for a trepanation." The paramedic's gaze was serious as the ambulance reached the hospital. The doors of the ambulance were ripped open and the stretcher was taken out. Immediately, the paramedic informed the doctors and nurses of your state of health.

You were immediately taken to an operating room and Jensen was asked to take a seat in the waiting area. He wandered up and down nervously. Soon Misha and Jared arrived. Y/N's family would not arrive in Vancouver until tomorrow afternoon. So you had no family. A few hours later, one of the leading doctors arrived. "Gentlemen. Ms. L/N made it through the operation in good shape. We had to stabilize several fractures with screws and drill a hole in her skull to give the pressure room to dissipate." Jensen went pale. Jared pulled him into the seat next to him so he wouldn't faint. "It'll be a few more hours before she wakes up. She is now under the influence of strong painkillers, but you may see her now," the doctor explained. He gave the room number.

Jared came into the room with a cup of coffee for Jensen. Misha had gone home several hours ago to meet Y/N's parents in the afternoon. But Jensen had not left your side. Jared supplied him with coffee for the third time already and yawned tiredly. It was already 8 a.m. and they hadn't slept all night. "I'm leaving now, Jay. And you should rest too. She's fine. They'll let us know when she wakes up." But Jensen didn't answer. Jared put the coffee on a small table and left the room. Jensen sat by your bed and had trouble keeping his eyes open. The constant beeping of the ECG lulled him in and calmed him down.

When you woke up, your whole body felt numb. The painkillers clouded your mind and you didn't know where you were for a moment until it all came back to you. The accident.

You looked around the white room until your eyes fell on a blond mop of hair. Jensen's head was on your bed. His hand in yours. He had pressed his forehead against your hand in his sleep. Worry overshadowed his sleeping face. You were surprised. Gently you released your wired hand from his grip and stroked his cheek. At once he blinked and jumped up. "Y/N! You are awake! Oh, thank God!" You saw his eyes shimmer with tears of relief. "I thought I had lost you," he said and his voice broke. "Jensen, it's all right," you muttered reassuringly. He nodded, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When they opened again the green sparkled intensely.

"Y/N. I'm sorry for what I did. I was an ass. I want to apologize for all this. I acted like an idiot because I didn't know how to handle it, but -" He took a deep breath. "The truth is, I love you, Y/N."

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