#because neither of them really understands friendship in part 1

[wingodex]

time always gets really weird in long running mangas, and it gets hard to notice how little time has actually passed in the story. you get so caught up in the time it takes you irl to read it, or you follow if for years when it was serialized, that you kind of just start projecting longer time frames than is actually happening. and the mangakas do that too which doesnt help! once you get ahold of the passage of time again, character relationships can start to feel weird, like not unbelievably weird, but weird enough to make you doubt them a bit. a lot of naruto fans view the original team 7 as being very close in part 1 but when you step back and look at it, between team 7 forming and sasuke leaving the village is like 6 months, and 3 of those months barely count because they weren't even working together. sasuke spends more than a year with taka in the manga and youre telling me the bonds he has with naruto and sakura are more meaningful to him than them? at least in bleach, ichigo knew chad and orihime before the events of the manga, but ichigo and rukia only knew each other for a couple months before she was taken back to the soul society, and even though they barely know her, orihime, chad and uryu all want to go with him to save her? uryu literally starts hanging out with them after ichigo meets rukia. the entirety of part 1 from ichigo becoming a shinigami to defeating aizen takes place over 6 months. oda has this problem where he hates having time pass without drawing it, so the first part of one piece takes place over 3-6 months, if i'm being generous. and it's been 2 months max since the straw hats entered the new world which is bonkers! i love their friendships and the way they've all bonded, but at the same time i'm like how do you have so much faith and trust in people you've spent more time away from in the past 3 years than with? luffy barely knew sabo for a year when he thought he died? i know a lot of these stories are action/adventure and the characters are often in danger together so i get why that might force them to bond more quickly, but i'm left wondering how much more natural some of these relationships would feel if they'd been allowed to have implied development outside of the story. and i do get why they often don't because that wastes panel space, but i still want it. it's super interesting when you compare these stories to shows that have mostly self-contained episodes with season arcs because the passage of time and the relationships feel so much more natural. my favourite example is leverage because all of the characters do things together outside of the what we actually see in the episodes, like they'll reference jobs that we don't see them do, or conversations that happen offscreen. and obviously i know why there is such a stark difference between them for stylistic, genre and contextual reasons, overall structure of the narrative, industry standards and restrictions, editorial oversight, like i get it, i understand. but it would be nice, you know? i always love thinking about the empty spaces an author leaves in their own story

[idkwhatimdoinghere1655]

Rumours - Lando Norris

<word count - 7287> |part 1 - Nerd|

"Hey, I managed to get your wood pieces cut up yesterday. Don't worry, I did them the right size this time," Lando told you, sitting down opposite you at your table in the library. The two of you had been meeting quite often, now exchanging your ends of the deal you had made due to your maths test results. 

"Thank you. Don't forget that you still have to sand them and glue them, yeah?" you double checked, knowing that he had remembered but would pretend to forget to do it. Lando had been trying to wriggle out of his half of the deal, but you weren't letting him. 

"Yes ma'am," he said with feigned formality, saluting you. "And I want my maths done. We hand it in today, yes?" he asked, also knowing that you had already done it. Lando had seen you doing it the other day, and had to keep his friends from seeing him smile at you. 

He knew they'd make fun of him for being your friend, so he often found himself sneaking off to come and see you in the library. It wasn't that he was ashamed of being your friend, he just didn't want to face the backlash from his friends. 

Plus, he hadn't forgotten the hurt written all over your face when Max had made those comments about you nearly a week prior now, and he couldn't let you go through that again. He didn't know why, he had harboured a soft spot for you. 

Maybe it was because you weren't outwardly trying to flirt with him, maybe it was because you treated him normally, maybe it was because he liked you more than he liked everyone else. He found your sassiness endearing, and a welcome surprise. 

"Of course, but you're still going to learn how to solve quadratics at some point, you know that, right?" you told him, pushing the papers that were his homework over the desk and towards him. You had gotten pretty much perfect at plagiarising his handwriting so the teacher wouldn't be able to tell it was actually you doing the work. 

You and Lando had agreed that you were allowed to get a few of the harder questions wrong, just so it didn't seem like he had become a random genius overnight. He didn't want an expectation to be put on him once he actually had to do his own homework again, so he was fine with you messing up sometimes. 

"You'll teach me, I know you will," he smirked, and he was completely right. You would teach him, just like you had been pretty much all of his other subjects. You helped him with everything at this point, and he was more than grateful - even if he would never tell you that. 

The friendship that the two of you had formed was quick, to say the least. This time a week ago, you would have avoided Lando Norris at all times. He was cocky, arrogant and a downright dick. But now? He was lovely. 

Those short, daily meetings to check in on the progress that you were making on your ends of the deal were some of your favourite parts of the day - and they were his too. It was nice for both of you to just let loose and have a little giggle, even if you were meant to be being silent in the library. 

Neither of you really knew how you had become friends, you just sort of... had. After you had opened your results together, it was just how you were. It wasn't some slow and steady thing, it was more like an instant connection, and immediate understanding of each other. 

"You're right, I will. I need you to be better than Max," you said, still not liking Lando's best friend after the far from tasteful comments he had made about you. Lando had said that Max had apologised to him for it, but he had never directly apologised to you. 

Lando completely understood the resentment. If anything, he encouraged it. He hadn't helped, he knew that, but at least he had apologised. He tried to get Max to say sorry to you, but he had always refused. "I will be. How that idiot is in top set is beyond me," he quietly chuckled so that the librarian wouldn't tell you to be quiet. 

"You and me both," you agreed, just looking at him. He had always been handsome, even when you thought he was a massive dick. But now? He was even more handsome. That happened a lot of the time, really. 

If someone has a good personality, their looks are suddenly elevated by the tenfold. If they're a complete and utter arsewipe? Then they could be the most dashing guy in the world yet they'll look average at best. 

Now, looking at Lando, you thought he was gorgeous. If only you knew how he saw you. He had never really paid you much notice, not until now. Not until you had been stuck on the bus together. You were pretty at a glance, but the more he looked at you, the more he truly believed you were the prettiest girl in school.

Anyway, now wasn't the time for admiring each other's good looks. The pair of you had maths next period, and you didn't want to be seen together again. Lando was pretty sure that no comments would be made if you walked in at the same time, but he understood why you didn't want to run the risk again.

He'd go and find Max to walk with him, and you'd get to maths first like you always did. Bidding Lando farewell, you took yourself through the corridors of your school and down to the maths row. All of the classrooms were identical, save from a few student-made posters messily blue-tacked onto the walls.

Your teacher smiled as you walked in, not surprised to see you in early in the slightest. Eventually, everyone filtered in, Lando sending you a small smile as he walked behind Max to their seats on the back row. 

All of you had your books out and were ready to start, but your teacher didn't make any headway on actually starting the lesson. "OK everybody, before we begin today, I do have a few changes to the seating plan," she said, earning a chorus of groans from the class. 

You weren't so bothered, though. Anyone would've been better than sitting between the wall and one of Lando's dumb friends. Well, maybe anyone apart from Max, but you didn't think your teacher would do that to you. 

"We'll start with Max, can you swap with Lilly on the front row, please?" she asked as Max huffed, clearly not impressed with being put on the front row. Lando also wasn't overly enamoured at the swap, since he certainly didn't want to sit with Lilly. 

She had always flirted with him, and he didn't need even more of it for 5 hours a week. But, he was thankfully put out of his misery. "And since you have been absolutely smashing your work as of recent, Lando, you can come and sit next to Y/N. I think she could be a good influence on you," she said, and you had to stop a big, goofy smile from spreading across your face. 

Lando had been doing well since you had been doing most of his work, but you didn't even care. You were just grateful that you'd get to spend more time with him. Max watched with a disgustingly mischievous smirk on his face. "Miss, are you sure that's a good idea? You remember what happened last ti-" he started, and your teacher's face instantly turned thunderous. 

But, before she could get so much as a word in, Lando pipped her to the post. "Max, drop it." he sternly said, sending daggers at his friend as the class let out a series of 'ooos' and 'get told, Max!'. 

Lando paid no mind to them, since he had seen the way your face had dropped as soon as Max had opened his mouth, and he hated the way his friend made you feel. "Max go and stand outside," your teacher instructed, and Max stood with a sigh and took himself out of the classroom.

She read out a few more seat changes, then put the starter activities up on the whiteboard. They were just some simple equations, so you got them rattled out and finished within a minute. Your teacher walked outside, obviously to talk to Max and probably give him a detention.  

"Hey, you OK?" Lando whispered, still scribbling down his working out for some of the sums. Honestly, you were just grateful that Lando had stood up for you and stopped Max from saying something more than hurtful about you.

"Yeah, thanks for that," you nodded, flashing him a small smile. Lando was going to protest and ask again, but he didn't want to push you. If you said you were fine, he'd believe you. "Plus the three, not minus," you prompted, pointing at the line of working out on his page. 

"Shit, course. Thank you," he softly chuckled, changing the numbers on the paper. He was slightly annoyed at himself for making such a dumb error, but he was glad that you were there to correct him. He found himself completely agreeing with your teacher: you really were a good influence on him. 

You made him want to work harder, you made that competitive fire burn brighter within him. You had pushed him to get an A the first time, and after that, he had wanted more and more because the pay off of hard work was so refreshing to feel. He was used to average grades at best, but now the disappointment was something that didn't sit right with him. 

Your teacher walked back in shortly after, with Max in tow. He packed his stuff up and hurriedly made his way back out of the classroom, undoubtedly to detention. The rest of the lesson went by without a hitch, and it was nice to be pretty much forced to sit with Lando. 

You'd spend time with him either way, of course, but it was nice for the two of you to get a couple of extra hours a week that you wouldn't have to spend being quiet as mice in the library. The bell rang, signalling the end of the day as you all flooded out of the doors and out of the front gates.

You were waiting at the bus stop for your bus, and you saw Lando and his friends waiting too. You couldn't make out the words you were saying over the slight gusts of wind and the music in your ears, but you could hear witterings of your name. 

"I stuck up for her because Max was being a knob, she didn't do anything," you heard Lando protest, his voice slightly raised. He sounded... angry? You looked out of the corner of your eye to see some of them prodding at him, stupid grins plastered on their faces. 

They were clearly teasing him, and it was pretty obvious that Max had told them how Lando had stuck up for you during maths. In some ways, you felt bad. The only reason he had said anything was because he knew how upset you were the first time around, and he felt so guilty that he had let it slide. 

"She's over there, go ask her out," another one one jibed, pushing him in your direction. Lando's face looked dejected, since he knew that it wasn't easy to get his friends to shut up. They'd keep going until he said something that they wanted to hear. 

"I'm not asking her out, OK?" he sighed, just as the bus rolled up to the stop. 

Just like everyday, your bus driver had the same, dead inside expression on his face and he clearly wanted to be anywhere but driving that goddamn bus. He didn't even bother looking at your pass as you took yourself back to your seat in the corner. 

It was one of the unspoken rules of the bus: everyone had their seats, you never moved, never differed from the norm. The older you were, the further back you sat. The year 7s had to sit at the front, and they'd be met with yells and arguments from everyone else if they didn't.

Lando's friends scrambled to the other seats on the back row, leaving the one next to you free. It was obvious that it was on purpose, so he kept his mouth shut as he sat next to you. It wasn't that he was sitting next to you, no. That was never the problem.

The problem was that he was really worried that they would start to pick on you now that they had it in their heads that he liked you. Well, he did like you, as more than a friend. That much was clear to him right now. But he didn't want you to face the brunt of his friends teasing because he did in fact like you. 

It was just a stupid little crush, that was it. Nothing serious. Nothing serious at all. Did his heart flutter whenever you smiled at him? Yes. Did he feel volts of electricity when your hands accidentally brushed together? Yes. Was his day instantly made better when he talked to you? Yes.

But it was nothing serious. 

He just laughed along mindlessly to his friend's jokes, not really paying attention. Eventually, the bus trundled to a halt so that you could get off. Shuffling past Lando, you walked as quickly as you could so that his friends hopefully wouldn't notice.

"Hey Lando, this is your stop, right?" Max piped up, pointing at you getting off the bus. "Not going to see if she's better than last time? I'm sure she's had some practice."

Lando refused to stay anything, his face like stone as he let you peacefully get off the bus. "Was she seriously that bad that you really don't want more?" another one of his friends added. 

"I knew you guys were dicks but you're really taking the piss," he mumbled, suddenly getting out of his seat and swiftly striding down the aisle of the bus. "Stop, please," he said to the bus driver, who pulled over as Lando hopped off the bus and ran down the pavement to where you were. 

"Hey, sorry. I couldn't deal with them being complete twats," he said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and standing beside you on the pavement. For some reason, he couldn't meet your eyes, his fixed on the floor beneath his feet.

"I get it, don't worry," you agreed, not really sure what to do. Inviting him back to your house was completely off the table, but you didn't just want to walk away and leave him there by himself. "Is your mum coming to get you or...?"

"Yeah, I'll send her a text," he nodded, pulling his phone out of his blazer pocket. He shot a quick text to his mum, and she responded within a few seconds, saying that she was setting off as soon as she could.

Lando noticed that you made no move to leave and go home, instead you stayed by his side. You both stayed silent, unsure of what to say. It hadn't been this awkward between you since the bus ride the week before, and even that felt more comfortable than this did. 

"Just... do me a favour and ignore what they're saying, yeah? It's just them trying to be funny, don't pay any mind to it," Lando said, hoping that you weren't bothered by what his friends were saying. The last thing he wanted was for you to be upset by what they were saying, since he valued your feelings a lot more than he thought he ought to. 

He also highly valued your opinion of him more then he deemed necessary. He didn't want you thinking ill of him, or of his choice in friends. He didn't want you thinking that he was like them, or that he would say things like that. He didn't want you thinking that he didn't care.

Because he did. More than he'd ever care to admit. 

"Yeah, sure," you nodded, not fully convinced. Any time you'd ever been seen with Lando in school by other people that weren't the library lot, you were chastised for it. Yes, it had only been twice, but that was enough to convince you that being around Lando inherently meant that you were going to be hassled. 

Of course, you didn't want it to be like that. Life would be so much easier if you were allowed to just be his friend, and nothing else. You'd help him with maths and whatever other subjects he needed, you could sit together in class without having the mick taken out of you, and you could just enjoy his company. 

Lando could tell that you weren't swayed by his words, and he didn't blame you. His friends would likely make comments for the remainder of the year, and he'd just have to take it in his stride. 

Soon enough, Lando's mum pulled up at the bus stop, getting out of the car to come and greet you. "Y/N, it's lovely to see you again," she beamed, and the smile on her face was enough to quell the worries and slight annoyance that you felt at that moment. 

"Likewise," you nodded, spotting the same scarf around her neck that she let you borrow when the picked you up the week prior. 

"How has your day been, sweetheart?" she asked, even though her motherly instincts could instantly tell that something was wrong. She had also clocked how Lando would barely make eye contact with her or you, and he was fidgeting with his fingers. 

"Good, yeah. Lando now sits with me in maths, so that's... fun." you trailed off, looking for the right word to describe it. Lando sitting with you wasn't the problem, it was the consequences of it. 

"Then I'm sure you can keep helping him out with getting those A's," she smiled. "Now Lando and I have to dash, dinner is nearly ready." 

"Sure, it was nice to see you again. Lando, I'll see you tomorrow," you mustered up one last small smile, before turning and starting the short walk off to your house. Lando clambered into the car next to his mum as she began the drive home. 

"What happened, Lando?" she asked her son, not having the patience to wait any longer to find out what was bothering the both of you. He stayed silent, just staring at the road ahead as she glanced at him. 

He knew her silence meant she was waiting for an answer, and he also knew that lying to her would get him absolutely nowhere. "Just my friends being di- they're being idiots." he corrected himself, his mum chuckling at the slip up. 

"What have they done? Did they say something about Y/N again?" she pushed, waiting for Lando to cave and tell her everything. It never took her long for him to crack and pour out his soul to her, but it would take a bit of prompting. 

"It's just because I've been moved to sit next to her in maths, and after last week they all think I have a crush on her and stuff," he mumbled. And there were those pesky motherly instincts again. 

"So you don't have a crush on her?"

"That's not the point," he rushed, wanting to brush over the tricky topic of his feelings for you as quickly as he could. "The point is is that the comments they make are too far and it upsets her. She says it doesn't but I know it does," he sighed, his mum giving him some more silence to continue if he wanted to.

"I try to get them to stop but they just keep going and it's getting on my nerves." he complained, slumping back against the passenger seat of the car. 

"You've got to try and ignore them, Lando. I know it's not easy when they're being nasty, but it's the best you can do. If you're not affected by it, then they might stop and then it'll be better for both you and her." she said, fully knowing it was easier said than done. 

Lando was strong, she recognised that, but he was already getting worn down by the teasing from his friends. "Yeah, sure," he reluctantly agreed, trying to take his mind off of the whole situation. 

He contemplated texting you to see if you were alright, but that was when he realised he didn't have your actual phone number. He had your Instagram and Snapchat, but not your number. He felt like he was supposed to have it, but he never really thought to ask you.

Maybe he would tomorrow, if he saw you again. He had to tell you about his plans for your DT project anyway, and he had some science stuff that he needed help with as well. 

The next morning, Lando was on the bus as it rolled past your stop. You weren't stood there with your headphones in, shivering because of the biting cold like you usually were. The bus driver didn't even think twice as to why you weren't there, but Lando did.

Thankfully, his friends didn't notice your absence, or how bothered he was by it. He hoped you'd be in school, since he didn't want to go through maths without you. Also, he was wanting to come to the library. It was part of his routine now, and he didn't want to break it. 

He didn't see you in first or second period, but he didn't have any classes with you until later. Going to the library at break, he didn't find you in your corner table, and he really was thinking that you weren't in school today. 

Meanwhile, however, Lando was completely oblivious to the rumours that were spreading about the two of you. The more tame ones were that you both had crushes on each other, and the much worse ones made your skin crawl. 

It was basically all just what Max had said to you last week, complete with the high-pitched, borderline pornographic moans. But it wasn't just him saying it. It was nearly everyone you walked past from your year, all because of how popular Lando was and how notable you weren't in the social hierarchy. 

It was driving you crazy, comment after comment from people who you had never even spoken too. Constant taunts of his name, over and over and over. You tried to hide in all the places you thought possible: the toilets, spare classrooms, corners that no one was usually in. 

Yet you couldn't escape the seemingly unavoidable torment, all because your bus broke down a week ago. You couldn't tell whether you were upset or pissed off, the emotions all swirling together in a maelstrom in your mind. 

You knew Lando would have gone to the library to look for you, but you didn't want to risk even being near him. It was at the point where you were even dreading maths, your favourite hour of the day, just because you'd have to sit with Lando.

The whole experience was so jarring, since one minute you were happily able to mind your own business, but now? You were the center of attention for all the wrong reasons. 

Finally, it was lunch, and you swiftly strode past the canteen where everyone was eating lunch. They'd all be occupied for a short while, so you'd finally be able to find some solace. You also had some of Lando's maths homework to do, even if that was one of the last things you wanted to be doing right now.

Lando was sat with his friends while you walked past, all of them looking and pointing. It was at this point where he started to realise what was going on, and he was catching wind of all the rumours that were being spread about the two of you. 

Guilt sat heavy in the pit of his stomach, the feeling of complete helplessness weighing him down. He gave it a few minutes before saying he was going to the toilet, and none of his friends actually caught on to what he was doing. 

He walked towards the bathrooms, before ducking out of sight and darting up the stairs to the library. There weren't many people in there as his eyes scanned the surroundings. There were the usual people that occupied the room, and you - sitting in the corner, furiously scribbling away at that familiar, crumpled sheet of his maths homework.

For a moment, he just stood there and watched you. You kept crossing things out and punching numbers aggressively into your calculator. This was a far cry from your calm disposition, and it worried him. You had obviously heard the comments, and he knew that people would be saying things to you directly. 

He walked over, pulling out the chair in front of you and sitting down. You eyes flicked up, before focusing back down on the pages on the table. "Go away, Lando," you whispered, the sharp tone of your voice catching him off guard.

He didn't have chance to respond before you chimed in again. "I don't want to be seen with you, so please leave me alone."

Now that hurt. 

You didn't want to be seen with him. This would upset anyone, so he wasn't surprised that you weren't happy about it, but completely ceasing all contact and interaction with him was painful for him. He didn't want to be isolated from you all because the kids in your year were bored and had nothing better to do other than spread lies. 

"No one will come in here, it doesn't matter," he replied, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. You still had your eyes focused on his homework, your pencil still moving over the paper. 

"And if they do, they'll just say even more shit and I don't want it," you rushed, a single tear falling onto the page and staining it. You wiped them away, trying to stop more from falling from your eyes. 

Lando's heart did nothing short of break as he sat there, feeling completely powerless. He didn't know how to comfort you in this situation, he didn't know how to help, how to make it better. He hated that he was the root cause of all your upset.

"They won't, I'll make sure they won't," he rambled, needing you to believe him. You both knew it was a lie, and he'd never be able to stop the constant teasing for you. He wished he could, but that was simply all it was. A wish.

"Please just leave me alone." you whispered, thrusting the crumpled, tear-stained sheet of maths homework towards him. "And don't worry about my DT stuff, I'll do it myself." you mumbled as Lando just sat there for bit. 

You didn't look at him, just down at the wood of the table. He didn't know what to say, how to get you to believe him. With a resigned sigh, he pushed back from the table, picking up his homework. He folded it and tucked it into his blazer pocket, stepping away from you.

"I still want to be your friend, despite what they're all saying. And I hope I can be," he told you, before walking away and out of the library. He had never felt so unsettled after a conversation ever, and now he felt so down and dejected. 

Mindlessly making his way back to his friends in the canteen, all that he could hear were your words echoing in his head. Sitting back at the table, his friends' attention all turned to him. "That took you awhile." 

"You and Y/N go for a quickie?" someone else laughed, all of his friends bursting out in fits of laughter. Lando just sat there, face like thunder. God, he was getting pissed off. You were upset, his friends were being horrendous, and he had had enough. 

"Will you lot just fucking shut up? Your jokes are tasteless and downright childish. It's not funny, I don't feel like laughing and neither does Y/N, so just drop it and find something else to obsess over." he snapped, and they all just looked at him. 

For a short moment, he thought they were just going to bite their tongues and sit there. Maybe, the normally cool, calm and collected Lando losing his cool was just what they needed to mature for a moment and reflect on how other people felt, not just what seemed humourous at the time. 

But, reality was far crueler than that. "God is she really that bad? Why do you keep going back if you keep getting disappointed?" That was his final straw. 

"Fuck all of you, honestly," he spat, slinging his bag over his shoulder and walking off. It would only be a few minutes before the bell went anyway, so Lando took himself off to maths. As he arrived at the room, he found that the door was locked. 

Peering through the window, he saw you, sat there in your seat with a few tears trickling down your cheeks. Your teacher knelt down in front of you, balancing by holding onto the desk. Her face had sympathy written all over it, and it was clear that you were talking about what was happening. 

You kept wiping the tears away, but more stubbornly made their way out of your eyes. He felt like the convalescence was eating him alive from the inside and out. He wished he could take it away, make everything in your life as perfect as it should have been, but he couldn't.

Lando couldn't take watching you any longer, so he lifted his hand and wrapped his fist against the wood of the door. Your teacher stood and let him in, before pulling him over to the side. You still wouldn't look at him. "I know we've just moved you, but would it be alright if I moved you back onto the back row?" she asked.

He said nothing, just nodding and begrudgingly going to sit in his new seat. You didn't even want to sit with him. Lando pulled his phone out of his pocket, not caring if your teacher got mad. She noticed, but didn't say anything. "Lando phone away when people start coming in, please."

He put it away as soon as he asked his mum if she could pick him up, since he didn't feel like getting the bus. She responded with a swift 'yes', and he put his phone away as instructed. 

The end of the day couldn't come quick enough as maths droned on and he was finally able to escape. As he walked past the bus stop, he noticed that you weren't there. He figured you had done the same thing as him: asking one of your parents to pick you up to avoid the treacherous bus journey.

Wordlessly, Lando climbed into his mum's car as she looked at her son's face. For the first time ever, she couldn't tell how he was feeling. His face was completely blank, practically unemotional. She had never been this worried about Lando. 

"Sweetheart, what-" she started, before noticing the tears brimming up in his eyes. She would have pulled over, but she didn't want anyone from school seeing. "Darling what's wrong?" she asked, still reluctantly driving. 

"They just... they just won't stop." he said, his voice cracking with the words. "I just want them to leave me alone, leave her alone. She doesn't even want to be my friend anymore, I had to get moved away from her in maths, and it's just all shit," he rambled, a few tears rolling down his reddened cheeks.

"Oh, Lando..." she softly said, her heart breaking at the sight of his tears. He was never one to cry, or get overly emotional about stuff. He was a typical teenage boy in many aspects, and his emotions were no exception. He liked to keep things to himself, only letting is feelings show when they were hitting him in overwhelming bouts.

"Does she think you're saying things about her?" she asked, not wanting to upset him even more. 

"No, I don't think so. She just said she doesn't want to be seen near me when I went to go see her in the library like I normally do, and she was crying before maths to our teacher." he explained, and she was at a complete loss on what to do. "The stuff they say to her is just... God it's awful..." he mumbled, wiping away his tears. 

"Sweetheart I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear right now, but is that Y/N walking home?" she asked, and the question caught him off guard. Funnily enough, he looked out the window to see you trudging home. 

You had your hands stuffed in your pockets with your headphones plugged in your ears, your breath appearing like mist in front of you. That was when it dawned on him that your parents hadn't come to pick you up, you had taken it upon yourself to make the nearly hour long walk home in the freezing winter temperatures. 

"Yeah. Yeah it is," he confirmed, suddenly conflicted. His mum would obviously want to give you a ride, and he did too. He didn't want you walking home in the biting cold, but he also didn't think he could take seeing you upset, or you seeing him upset. 

But his heart won out. "Can we take her home, please?" he quietly asked, and his mum nodded, pulling over onto the pavement so that she could get out to talk to you. Lando got out to hop in the back, wanting to give you the front seat with his mum. 

"Y/N? Sweetheart? Do you need a ride?" she asked, approaching you as you pulled your headphones out of your ears. She could see the redness around your eyes, undoubtedly from crying.

"No, no. But thank you," you weakly smiled, the pained expression on your face making it impossible for her to just let you go.

"Lando told me about what's been happening. I understand why you don't want to be near him right now, but there's no one around, I will get you home and warm as quickly as possible." she reassured, hell bent on not leaving until she had you in the car. 

"OK," you agreed, walking to the car and getting in the front seat. Lando had already cranked up the heating and put the heated seats on for you, the leather warming underneath you. You knew he was on the backseat, but you refused to acknowledge him. 

Deep down, you knew you were being unnecessarily harsh towards Lando. He hadn't done anything wrong, and he had tried to be there for you in the best way he knew possible. Thankfully, he knew you weren't pushing him away because of him directly, it was because of what being around him brought you. 

He was sure that you still liked him, and he didn't take this personally. Yet it didn't stop him longing for you to be his friend again, to banter and joke with you and to just spend time with you like he used to. 

From his bag, he pulled out that same navy sweater and handed it to you, and you accepted it with a small smile in the rear view mirror. Your fingertips brushed against his as your fists closed around the fabric, the cold of your hands stinging his skin. 

You shrugged your coat off of your shoulders, pulling the jumper over your head. It was still too big on you, the sleeves stopping up to your knuckles. If you were standing, it would hand down to the tops of your thighs.

The drive to your house was silent, the only sound being the heating flowing through the vents as well as the occasional ticks of the indicators. After a short while of driving, you pulled up outside of your house.

Lando waited in the car as his mum escorted you to the door, a warm expression on her face. "Come here," she quietly said, opening her arms out to you. Without a second thought, you let herself fall into her embrace, softly shaking with silent sobs. 

"I know it's hard darling, I know it is," she whispered to you, one hand reaching up to stroke your hair. "It'll get better, I promise." she tried to reassure. 

For Lando, it was one of the worst scenes he had to bear witness to. He had seen you crying more than he had seen you smile as of recent, and it was killing him inside. He wanted to get out of the car and hug you as well, but he didn't want to run the risk of upsetting you even more.

Once you were settled in the house, his mum finished the drive home and let him have some piece. In his room, he sat at his desk, just mindlessly staring into space. You were all he could think about, and he couldn't shake you off. 

The sight of your tear-stained face was clouding his mind like an early-morning fog that he couldn't blow away. His eyes fell upon your pieces of wood for your DT project on his desk, as well as the maths homework he wouldn't be able to give you to finish. 

At this point, the deal didn't matter. Sure, you still had 3 weeks of homework of his to do, and he still had to do your workshop stuff for another week, but that was the least of his concerns. But he still wanted to do it for you. 

Lando had skipped dinner, not feeling hungry enough to go downstairs to eat. He also didn't feel like being held to people's questions and talks about what everyone had been up to in the day. He just needed some time alone. 

Just before he was going to take himself to an early bed, there was a knock at his bedroom door. "Yeah?" he called out, the door opening to reveal his mum.

"How are you doing?" she asked, entering and coming to sit next to him on the edge of his bed. 

"I'm... fine," he lied, not wanting to delve into the complexity of his feelings. He didn't want to have to voice his deeper rooted mindset on you. He couldn't tell if he was upset that now you'd never consider being anything more than his friend, or if he was more saddened by the fact that you didn't even want to be his friend anymore. 

He had been grappling with his feelings for the past couple of days, shocked at how quickly they had settled into his mind. Lando had never developed such a strong admiration for anyone in his entire life - even if every crush he had ever had was based off of purely superficial factors. 

But you weren't like that. Yes, he thought you were one of the prettiest girls he had ever laid his eyes upon, but it wasn't the driving motive for his feelings. He liked your personality, your humour, how goddamn smart you were. 

Seeing you thrive in the environment you worked best in was so fulfilling to him, and it was one of the many reasons he held you so dear to him. Yet he didn't know what to do about his feelings. He didn't want to ruin your friendship by telling you, but he didn't want to miss the opportunity to have something real with you. 

You were special to him, oh so special. He liked the idea of you as his girlfriend. Walking you to class, studying together, getting to sit together whenever you wanted and the comments wouldn't get to you because you'd be his. Maybe you'd even be able to sneak in a few kisses when no one was looking. 

Despite being the most sought-after boy in highschool, and the closest thing to an american 'jock' that a british secondary school had to offer, he still hadn't really delved into anything relationship-wise. No kisses for the sake of it, nothing. Hell, even Max had kissed a girl at a party once, but Lando never had.

"I'm really proud of you, you know," she said, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and tugging him closer to her. "You did the right thing today, even if it wasn't the most pleasant option for you," she continued. 

"I know you want her to be your friend again, but you've just got to give her time. People will forget about it and move onto someone else soon enough, but you've just got to wait it out and be there for her when she wants you, which she will. You're both very overwhelmed and neither of you know what to do, but it'll all work out." she reassured, kissing him on top of his curly locks.

"It doesn't bother me what they say to me, it's the fact that she's so upset by it... that's what makes it worse," he quietly admitted, leaning into his mum's comforting embrace. They sat there for a while, just hugging. 

"You need to get some sleep, sweetheart. You've just got tomorrow then all weekend, yeah? We can do whatever you want, with whoever." she told him, wanting to make his weekend as good as possible. 

"I've got homework to do," he sighed, thinking over all the assignments that he wouldn't be able to have your help with. Glancing back over at the desk, he saw the remnants of your DT project sitting there, his mind now set on doing this for you. 

"You can do it on Sunday," she told him, trying to sway him into just having fun for a day. She wanted to cheer her son up after the shitty few days that he had gone through, and he deserved a bit of respite. 

"But I want to finish off Y/N's project... I promised..." he whispered, the words tugging at his mum's heart strings. She had never seen her son so attached to someone, so desperate to please them and make them happy. 

She was proud of him, proud of the man he was becoming. It was obvious how much he cared for you, and she really hoped that you'd allow him back in again, than you'd allow him to be your friend and maybe more again. 

"How about you ask dad to help you with it on Sunday? Make it really special?" she suggested, and she noticed the slight light sparking in his eyes at the idea. 

"Yeah, I think I'll do that," he nodded, already running through the different possibilities of what he could do on your project to make it best in the class. He may have been struggling, but it wasn't going to stop him from trying to make you happy.

No matter what anyone said, how they made him feel, how they forced you to push him away, he'd always try for you. You made him a better version of himself, a version that worked hard and cared about more than just getting through school and being cool while doing it. 

You made him care about his grades, how he spoke to people, his actions. You made him better. You made him want to be better. For you. All of it was for you. 

A/N - I know, I've not posted anything in a week, I am sorry. I have been working on this one all week, and I have started the next part for y'all. Something about writing highschool Lando just hits different. It would be the same if I did Charles, Carlos, Max etc, but they would be in a british highschool because that's what I know best. Anyways, have a wonderful day/night, love y'all! 💖🤓

tag list: @anvi-sarai @robotchickenmerp @cheriladycl01

|masterlist|

[dyns33]

Without warning part 1

I wanted to make a soulmate Frank Castle with some angst

Frank Castle didn't believe in soulmates.

Or rather, he did, he had seen his parents happy, at first, and many other people who had said their sentences to each other, but he considered that the universe had been wrong.

He had almost immediately fallen in love with Maria, before she had even spoken to him, and it had been a shock that she was not meant for him.

But it didn't matter, because he only wanted her, and she didn't seem to care that he wasn't her soulmate either. They had been very happy together, for years, with their children.

He wished it would last forever, and that he would never hear the phrase "Well buddy, shooting people without warning ?"

His decision to join the army had already been made before the phrase appeared, but it had scared him. Frank didn't want to be the kind of man who would shoot someone without warning. He was neither a coward nor a monster.

He didn't understand in what context someone would say such a thing to him.

Then Maria and the children had been killed. He had thought he was going crazy, and it was no longer so impossible for him to put a bullet in a man's head without being polite.

Red could have said his sentence to him, and Frank thanked his God for not having stuck such a boring blessed ass with him.

Some thought he could have resumed a normal life with Karen.

Sweet Karen. He loved her very much, he cared for her, she was family, but Frank didn't see her like that. Both more romantic than they probably wanted to admit, he knew she wanted to find her soulmate, and he didn't want to put her in danger, as strong as she was.

He couldn't relive the same thing as with Maria. Neither the same love, nor the pain of losing her.

After avenging his family, killing several bastards, dying in the eyes of the world, Frank had understood that he would never have a normal life again. So he remained hidden, sometimes helping Red stop bad guys, even if they continued to disagree on the method.

The last one had disturbed them a little. First, because the Devil couldn't determine if he was really a criminal.

"I've already crossed paths with him… He smells of blood, I know he kills people, often for money. But he seems like you, only targets criminals. And he sometimes works with Spiderman."

"The kid ?"

"Yeah. The kid seems to trust him. He told me he was a fan of my work, before he cut a guy in half, so I don't know, Frank. I don't know at all."

"I know. I'll take care of him."

"Wait, there's something else…"

As was often the case with Red, Frank hadn't taken the time to listen to the rest, certain he knew what he had to do. It had been a surprise when Murdock hadn't screamed because he had shot the guy.

It had been a surprise when the guy had gotten up, whining because a bullet in the heart was really painful, even if it was an honor to be shot by the Punisher.

"Deadpool, big fan, nice to meet you !" he had hummed as he hopped towards him, one hand outstretched for Frank to shake. He had shot him again.

They had then often crossed paths with Wilson, who continued to stick to Frank by acting like a madman, and each time he ended up killing him, because he was really too unbearable.

This seemed to make the mercenary laugh, who considered it a mark of friendship. Even if he was immortal, Red and the young spider reprimanded him, first violently, then out of habit after a while.

It was a surprise to hear a new female voice rise against the bullet he had just fired into Wilson's leg in the hope of silencing him.

"Well buddy, shooting people without warning ?"

Frank froze at first. Since the others snickered, he knew that it was not an enemy who had just appeared behind him. He vaguely heard them call her 'Ghost'. Obviously they had known each other for a long time, they trusted her.

So they didn't understand when the Punisher pointed his gun at her, as she approached to help Wade get up.

Still as naive, Daredevil thought it was because Frank had never met her before. A simple reflex. It had to be said that Ghost was strange, surprising. Her costume was entirely black, and her helmet of the same color completely hid her face.

Her voice was strange too. A distant sound, as if muffled by the wind. Later, much later, Red would explain the powers of Ghost, who had given her her name.

Not only could she completely disappear, either only for the eyes, or by becoming gone, passing through matter, but on top of that, she became undetectable. No smell, no heartbeat, no breathing, no footsteps. Nothing.

The first time, it had been complicated for poor Red. She had wanted to help him against a gang, and even if he refused to admit it, she had scared him. He had thought he was losing his mind when enemies were beaten by nothing, then a voice had spoken to him.

Without him saying anything, Ghost had finally understood. And then, suddenly, he had heard her heart, as she asked him with an amused voice if that was better.

Able to go anywhere, she could have known who he was, who Spiderman was, everyone, and no doubt she knew, but she had never said anything, not even to Wilson. In any case, he didn't want to know, because of his vigilante bro code of honor.

That wasn't the problem. He didn't have a secret identity, and even if people learned he was alive, he knew how to defend himself. But this Ghost had said his sentence, which echoed in his head, and he couldn't accept it.

"Calm down, Frank. This isn't…"

"Fuck no." he said simply.

If the others noticed that she froze, they didn't say anything. She hadn't seemed afraid when she saw the gun, but that simple word had paralyzed her, which didn't help the situation at all, because Frank was then completely certain of who she was.

And then, without thinking, he fired.

Frank could have meant that he knew what would happen. But it was a real shock to see the pierced helmet fall to the ground, while the rest of the woman had vanished into thin air. He didn't know yet that she could do that. He would have killed her instantly.

The others were very angry with him. Much more than with Deadpool. And besides, Wilson got mad for the first time with him, threatening to cut off his head. Ghost was a friend, a sister.

They didn't understand why he did that. To be completely honest, Frank wasn't sure he knew either.

It wasn't that girl's fault if fate had decided they had to be connected. If to meet her, he had to lose Maria, the children, become a murderer. He didn't want that, it was out of the question, and she had to know it.

It seemed like Ghost was smart. Frank didn't see her again after that. After that exchange, he also saw Wilson a little less often, and the mercenary ignored him most of the time, when he wasn't insulting him.

His behavior had disappointed the Spider kid and Red, but it was nothing new, and their opinions didn't matter to him.

Life went on, as if he had never met his soulmate.

Then he crossed paths with Y/N.

As if his life wasn't complicated enough already.

[thelittleliars]

Silence (1/4)

Warnings: angst; hurt

Words: 1.2K

Summary: You accidently coming out destroyed a decade long friendship.

AN: Thanks for all the love on my first story "New Year"! I didn't proofread this one so be warned. This might get a Part 2 with a happy ending but I'm not sure.

[Part 2: Second Chance]

"Movie night later?" You asked Natasha at the dinner table where all the Avengers sat with you.

Natasha nodded her head and smiled at you widely. "Sure. But it better be a horror movie." You loved horror movie nights with her. Neither of you were scared of them but you both laughed at ridiculous scenes and cuddled anyways. 

"So tell me Y/N," Sam interrupted your conversation. "What's going on between you and black widow?"

You looked at him baffled. Natasha and you were friends ever since you both worked at shield together so you didn't get why he implied that more is between you two. "What?" You said.

"Oh come on, you two are super close, doing almost everything together, cuddle all the time, go out, wear each other clothes... there has to something going on between you two." Sam's hint at you liking girls had you shifting in your seat. It was true that you were into girls but you haven't told a soul. Wanda was the only one who might found out about it since she couldn't control her mind reading powers when she first joined the Avengers.

"We're just friends." You told him, with anxiety slowly creeping up on you. The whole team started to listening in on the conversation. "I swear we're just friends." 

"Are you sure that you don't wanna date her?" He wiggled his eyebrows. His words and behavior infuriated you. And with this rage mixed with anxiety, you unknowingly came out to the entire team. "Just because I like girls doesn't mean that I instantly want to date my female friends." 

Some looked shocked, others looked as if they had suspicions and then there was Yelena who looked happy, proud even. "Ha! So I wasn't crazy when I saw Y/N Y/L/N ogle that one girl at the mall months ago. Pay up Kate Bishop." She exclaimed excited. You blushed after hearing Yelena's words, thinking you were subtle checking girls out.

Natasha, who sat next to you, was brooding. She didn't like it one bit that you hadn't told her about your sexuality first. She felt hurt. Did you think she would judge you or not accepting you for liking girls? Were you afraid of losing your (Avengers) family? Or did you simply not trust her with that kinda stuff? You had never held yourself back before so why right then?

"Alright but do you have a girlfriend already or can I be your wingman?" You blushed and hid your face in your hands. "No help needed." You barely got those words out. "Lady Y/N, you have to introduce us to them!" Thor demanded in excitement.

"We've only been on a couple of dates." You blushed further. "Plus she's not out yet so I rather not drop any names." Thor was quiet understanding and dropped the topic. You were honestly glad for that since it ended the whole conversation about you. The topic now was about Tony and Pepper. 

You shifted back your attention to the Widow next to you who was acting strange. Her body language was awkward and you hoped once the movie night started it'd get better. But you were wrong, it got worse, the air between you two was thick and non of you uttered a word about the incident at dinner. 

The red head distanced herself even more from you after the movie night. It hurt you deeply, the pain only got worse with how hard you tried to fix whatever happened, but nothing good came out of it. Natasha shut you out so easily that you overthought your whole relationship with her. In the end you came to the conclusion that you never really knew her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was almost 2 months since the coming out incident happened, while you and Natasha's relationship were in pieces, your relationship with the other ex-shield agent thrived. But you missed the red head dearly. You missed her warmth that radiated off of her when you two cuddled closely during movie nights. Her touch on your arm whenever she was excited to show or tell you something. You even missed her awful dry jokes she made to cheer you up. But all that was left was her ghostly presence which seemed to never leave your side. Not matter what you did, her ghost lingered every single second.

You felt heaviness inside of you as sat down on the bench in the training room, and the spot next to you is empty. Training was no longer fun when you didn't have your favorite person train with you. It felt as if the universe was against you when you saw Natasha enter the training room. What she did here at this unholy hour was beyond you. It made your mood even more sour. 

"Steve said you'd be here." She spoke up. "He said we need to spar again. So move your ass."

Your body hesitated to get up but eventual did with a heavy sigh. Exhaustion was written all over your face. Natasha was already in the ring, waiting for your slow ass to join. Both of you took your stand but non of you tried first to make a move. You both danced around each other which irritated Natasha immensely. She expected a move from you long ago since that was how you always started sparring with her. 

Her irritation turned into frustration and anger fast. And did something she probably will regret for the rest of her life. "Trouble in paradise with Agent Shaw?" She taunted you. "Saw some spicy video of hers the other day." 

That got your complete attention. You knew about Agent Shaw's private video which her ex boyfriend leaked years ago. The video recently surfaced once again and you tried your best to take it down forever. You even begged Tony for help, who was glad to finally have a small challenge again. It took him some time but it was finally gone now but apparently not before the Black Widow saw it.

"Okay..?" What else were you supposed to say to the women you once knew perfectly.

"I have a copy and I'm sure you have one too but in case you don't, I'm willing to-" She got cut off by you punching her in the face. You didn't meant to punch her this hard but you were fed up with her bullshit. 

The blow of the hit was so unexpected and hard that she fell on the ground. She looked up at you stunned as hell, her eyes fluttered a bit while her bottom lip started to bleed.

"What the fuck Natalia." The sight of woman on the floor, looking so helplessly broke your heart once again. You were fighting so hard to get the friendship back that now by realizing your friendship was broken beyond repair, thanks to her behavior, was pain on a whole different level. What you were about to feel is grief from the loss of a decade long friendship. 

Your heart and mind fought against each other but you had enough. Every single bad emotion was roaring in you as you silently said your final goodbye. Also with that, the ghost of hers that you felt all the time, disappeared. 

The silence that hung in the air after you left was loud, it started to suffocate Natasha in a way she didn't know existed. How did she let herself become a monster again? Didn't she learn from her past? No thought in the world would help her in this situation because at the end, nothing mattered anymore since it was her silence that broke you two apart.

[spaceorphan18]

Imma be boring at first and just ask you the same question back: What are you five favourite things about Colin and Pen’s relationship?

Lol, and yet I don't find this a boring question!! :D

They are friends who became lovers.

Look, I just love and adore this trope. I love that it wasn't a thunderbolt from the sky. I love that it was a bit slow burn and had time to build and grow. I love that there was a connection there long before romance simmered. I love begin their relationship already knowing each other -- and romance is an added element. It's delicious in the most beautiful way.

2. They liked each other before they were cool.

Yes, sure, they both are seriously hot in Season 3. But that element is more for us (and their own confidence) than it is for each other. As I said in an earlier post, Penelope does not give two shits about Colin's new Parisian styles or his new charming demeanor. She fell in love with one incredibly dorky guy and when she looks into his eyes, that weirdo is still there. Likewise, Penelope's glow up doesn't suddenly make Colin's feelings change. It's her confidence and vulnerability and the fact that when he finally kisses her -- all of those feelings he's always had come rushing forward.

3. They're both writers who support each other's dreams.

It's not just that they have similar interests (they do! it's part of the friendship thing), it's that the have a deep confidence in one another. They both very much care for the other one as an individual and (after sorting through the LW mess) are both deeply supportive of what the other one wants and needs. And having the same hobbies (as well as career goals - for lack of a better term) only brings them closer together.

(And let's be real - as a writer myself, I adore stories that feature writers at the center.)

4. They're both fucking old school romantics.

Ngl, this one really does me in. Penelope longs to be swept off her feet. Colin wants to be the dashing hero. For better or worse, they both love love and are happier being allowed to be in love. The fact that even while they were having issues, even when Colin was /angry/ at her -- they still got married. Because at the end of the day, being in love surpasses any other issue. They'll continue to have shit to work through. They'll have hard times and their own issues that will trip them up. But by god, their love is deep and that's exactly how they prefer it.

5. Their conflicts are not a result of miscommunication or repressed angst.

In a world where couples are either shouting at each other due to repression of their feelings or just plain not talking things out, neither Pen or Colin are able to hide their true selves very well, and neither do they want to. Colin might be a little slow to understand his feelings, but once he does, he's a man of action through and through. And even as he sorts out his own issues of LW and pulls away from Pen - she's still well aware of what is going on, and let's him have his space. Meanwhile, Pen's withholding of things (such as her feelings and of LW) come from self preservation, not lack of self realization.

Personally, I just find it refreshing that you have a couple who starts out genuinely caring for each other and sincerely understanding each other's feelings and the conflicts stem more so from external factors rather than issues arising because they are unsure of how they feel about each other.

(This is not shade on the other couples of the show -- this is me acknowledging that I have a personal preference for one type of story over another.)

Bonus 1 - The way they laugh together.

Whether it being just giggling over an inside joke at a ball or finding the humor in even things like sex, the two of them always find a way to make each other laugh, and it's so sweet and adorable and they both become so alive. They've cultivated their own little world and are amused by it and it just warms my heart every time they laugh with each other.

Bonus 2 - The Carriage Scene

This. This is a thing that actually happened on my tv screen, and my jaw is still a little on the floor. Because god damn that was hot and I am only human. Ooff.

[petrichor-idyllic]

Hi Petri, soooo I just finished Dead man walking and already (not that soon though, cause I know you have many requests to get through) need a part 2 because this is my new favorite thing, I love it, you did amazing (as always <3).

You can do whatever you want for part 2 but I wish you could do a little scene where the reader is trying to figure something about her job out and Gally is there just staring at her, and how beautiful she looks when concentrated,and they're just flirting and having fun. Also please do a lot of Fry teasing them because I absolutely love it.

Yes, absolutely, I can.

Love my boy Gally.

Sorry I've been MIA.

DEAD MAN WALKING PT. 2

MASTERLIST | GALLY MASTERLIST

PART 1 | PART 2

SUMMARY: See above. Continuation from part 1. Time skip to the Safe Haven.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, Frypan bullying Gally, awkward tension, you not being sure what to do with yourself, reference to Chuck's death. WICKED being WCKD because movie. Newt's dead. Rip.

The past few weeks have been a blur of chaos and emotion.

You'd arrived at the Safe Haven. But, you were the only person left from the rebels.

Lawrence stormed the City, destroying and setting fire to everything, which was not the plan. And not something you agreed with.

You'd split off and made your own way through the City, managing to bump into Gally on his way to their escape ship. His group had taken some blows.

They'd lost Newt to the Flare. Teresa got swallowed by a burning building. Thomas had been shot. Minho had been deeply traumatised at WCKD's hands.

Life hadn't been easy on these kids. But at least they're safe now.

And so are you, even if you're permanently having some kind of identity crisis due to too much free time and losing your rebellious means.

But, hey, you've still got Gally, at least.

Well, sort of.

Things have been painful awkward since your kiss in the Last City.

It's no one's fault in particular. You've been moving a hundred miles an hour your entire life, and now you get shouted at for finishing your work too quickly, and you're not really sure how to deal with people when you're not bossing them around or being bossed around.

And, Gally is just generally terrible at feelings.

It's actually mildly concerning, sometimes.

Which has led to a weirdly tense friendship where neither of you really know what you're doing.

It's a painful watch.

And you kinda sorta forgot that Gally is still a slightly awkward teenage boy with no experience with women.

It's definitely an experience; but on the bright side, you've become an honorary Glader. Sure, you don't understand the slang still, and you have to remember to not ask too much about the Maze or some of the people because you'll be met with several PTSD induced panic attacks. But, you've befriended them.

Minho is funny and sarcastic and incredibly tough.

Frypan is sweet, and also kind of funny. And he's an excellent cook despite what the other boys say.

Thomas is bold and determined, even taking a bit of a leadership role alongside Vince - even after his well-deserved break.

And whilst Brenda and Jorge aren't quite Gladers, you also like them quite a bit. Jorge reminds you of Lawrence in a way. He's rebellious and bold, but instead of cold and occasionally terrifying, he's funny and fraternal. And Brenda is kind of like you in a way, except she's playful. Which you have severely been lacking in the last few years of your life.

Yet, despite integrating into his friend group, his new home, his daily life - yours and Gally's relationship is still at a weird standstill.

So, you've decided to dive into work. Helping Vince is an easy way to clear your mind, and helping out people who've suffered under WCKS's hands is kind of your speciality.

You prepare blankets, clean, help Frypan in the kitchen, help with building plans, settle petty disputes; you name it, you do it.

And that's something Gally has always admired about you.

"Oi, shank, you're starin' again." Frypan says, snickering as he sits next to Gally, the light from the flames bouncing off his face.

Bonfires are an almost nightly occurrence at the Safe Haven. A celebration of their freedom and security. But, it's a bittersweet experience for the remaining Gladers. Memories of happier times dance in the fires of community. They always thought escaping the Maze would be the end, but they often find themselves remembering simpler times.

You don't share the same heartfelt irony.

"I'm not starin'." Gally grumbles back, yet his eyes still linger on you.

You walk around, handing out drinks and occasionally adding to the fire, making small talk; mainly with Vince, Thomas, and Brenda. You also occasionally take grimances sips of Gally's special brew - another festivity bought from the remains of the Maze.

"Uh huh, sure you aren't." Frypan chuckles as he sips his drink, a beat passing between the boys. "I don't get it. You guys kissed. Like, you kissed an actual girl. And now... what?"

Gally sighs, dropping his head as he speaks in a grumbled tone. "I... I don't know, man. She's... she was my boss. She saved my life. You know she found me in the Maze and-"

"And did everything to patch you up. Took you under her wing. Yeah, yeah, we know, we get it." Frypan rolls his eyes, knowing the story off by heart. "You clearly care about her, so why not actually doing something about it?"

"She hasn't done anything about it."

"Uh, yeah, she did."

"When?"

"When she shuckin' kissed you, slinthead."

Gally falls silent for a moment, eyes landing back on you. It's everything about you; your hair, your eyes, your smile, the way you hold yourself, your passion - everything.

"...I don't wanna shuck it up, Fry."

Frypan's eyes land on his friend, the teasing tone slipping away as he looks at him. "Huh? What do you mean?"

Gally anxiously taps his foot, eyes lingering on you again. He looked at you like you were a Goddess and him a feeble insect, blessed to be in your mere presence.

"Gally?" Frypan presses him, brows starting to furrow in worry.

Gally has never been good with words. He's aggressive, and scary, and dangerous. Even if he has learnt to forgive and become more humble thanks to you, it's not like he's become an expert at this. And now he has...

Feelings.

Ew.

He sighs, running his fingers through his short hair. "...I messed everything up back in the Maze. I was scared, and I acted on my own. I tried to hurt you guys, and I..." He trails off, the sound of the gunshot and Chuck hitting the floor still burnt into the back of his retinas. He shakes his head, clearing his throat. "I don't wanna mess this up, too."

Frypan looks at him for a few seconds, before smacking him on the back of the head.

"Klunk-! Fry! What the shuck, man?" Gally grumbles as he rubs the back of his head.

"Are you hearing yourself, shank?" Frypan leans forward on his knees. "That girl over there brought you back from the dead. She saw the potential in you and made it work. Without you, we would've never been able to save Minho, we would've never stopped WCKD - hell, we probably wouldn't even have made it here, man. Get a grip. You ain't that same sissy that spent his time buggin' out around the Glade, terrified of change. You're a hero and a rebell who risked his life for change."

Gally looks at his friend, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"And the only way that you're shucking this up, is if you sit you shank-ass here and do nothing." Frypan continues, letting the statement hang in the air for several moments.

Gally nods, churning the words over in his head.

"I'm right. Am I right, or am I right?" Frypan grins.

Gally snorts, shaking his head slightly. "You're right."

"'Course I shuckin' am." Frypan grins, patting his long-time friend's back. "Now, are you gonna sit here, wasting your breath yappin' my ear off - or are you gonna go get your girl?"

Gally struggles to hide the smile playing on his lips.

His girl.

He likes the sound of that.

"I'm gonna get my girl."

Whilst Gally gets his heart to heart (lecture) from Frypan, you've taken to cleaning up cups and desperately trying to stop drunk people from falling over. It's not a pleasant way to spend your evening, but it takes your mind off your boredom and constant speculation about your relationship with Gally.

"Hey, Boss." The familiar voice pulls you away from your thoughts, landing on the broad boy.

"I told you you don't have to call me Boss anymore, Gally." You roll your eyes slightly, continuing to pick up glasses.

"Yeah, sorry, force of habit." Gally rocks on his heels, anxiously looking at you.

"...You good?"

"Uh, yeah - uh, can we talk?" You raise an eyebrow at his words, a bubble starting to form in the pit of your stomach. "Like.. in private?"

"Sure. 'Course. Uh, wanna walk along the beach?"

"Yeah." He smiles slightly. "Sounds good."

You put the glasses you've collected down, nodding for him to follow you as you both head towards the waves, starting to wander as the waves just miss lapping up your feet.

Gally doesn't look at you for a while. His eyes fixed on the endless sand ahead of him; it's a heavy silence.

You don't push him. Sure, you spent months pushing him to his full potential. But when it came to talking, it was better to let Gally take his time.

After about ten minutes of walking, he finally takes a deep breath. "So, uh... I spoke to Fry.."

"Oh, yeah? What did he have to say this time?"

"He basically called me a useless slinthead." He chuckles dryly, glancing at you.

"Slinthead? That's like a dickhead, right?" He grins slightly; you're still getting used to the dumb slang of the Glade - it really doesn't help that every group of Maze escapees has their own set of personal curse words.

"Yeah, basically." He chuckles.

"...why'd he call you a dickhead? Sorry- slinthead."

He can't help but shake his head at you, that smile still on his face. "Well, uh, I've been a massive diaper-klunkin' sissy, basically."

You blink. What the fuck does that even mean?

He laughs at your confusion before composing himself, stopping to look at you, which makes you stop, too. You face him, brows furrowed slightly as nervousness starts to feel heavy through your inside.

"...remember before the Last City fell? When you kissed me?"

You freeze, embarrassment heating your face as you'd began to start cringing at the memory when you fall asleep. "Honestly, I thought you'd forgotten that." You attempt to joke to lighten some of the tension.

He scoffs. "Yeah... I've been a bit of an idiot." He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I just... I was worried about ruining things between us, yanno? I'm so used to messy everything up and-"

"You don't mess everything up." You interject, immediately prepared to defend him against himself.

"Yeah - I know; Frypan already gave me the lecture." He grimaces slightly, almost like he's cringing at himself. "But... I like you. Like, I really shuckin' like you. And... we're safe here. I wanna stop being such a pussy and just..."

It takes a second to sink in what he's saying, your skin feels warm and tingly, butterflies erupting in your stomach. "...just?"

"...I just wanna ask you if... you'd... like to be my girlfriend?" His confidence falters with every word, voice raising in pitch, scrunching his face as he finishes his question in embarrassment. "That sounded shuckin' awkward." He sighs. "Listen-"

You don't listen, because he has no time to speak. Adrenaline takes over as you step towards him, hand coming to cup his cheek as you press your lips against his once again.

The kiss is short and sweet as you pull away, meeting his half-lidded eyes and wide grin. "Take that as a yes?"

"Yes, Gally, I'd love to be your girlfriend. Took you fuckin' long enough."

He snorts. "Yeah, yeah." He leans back in, kissing you again, this time deeper and with more passion, his fingers creeping around the back of your head and into your hair.

"Shuck yeah!" Both of you pull away from each other, seeing Frypan shouting from half way down the beach. "Told you she's your girl!"

You look at Gally. "The fuck is he on about?"

"...Don't worry about it."

So, I'm back.

Again.

And back with a part 2, nonetheless. Sorry for vanishing, lads, I've had some wicked lack of motivation and I feel like a bit of a dick about it.

Yanno... since it's been literal months.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed :))

[saintvainglorious]

Fics I Enjoyed in February & March

18 fics and ~720k (!!!) total. Includes fics from the following fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter, Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, Kung Fu Panda

Pornstar Martini by blatantblue/@blatantblue and brightened Hazbin Hotel | Angel Dust/Husk | 5k | Mature | Part 1 of Pornstar Martini

Naturally, Husk’s kindness goes straight to Angel’s head. This is why he doesn’t do heroin — you try that shit once, you always want it. You may never take it again, but you’ll carry the gaping-aching hole in your chest until the end of your days. Or the end of eternity. Angel never needed aftercare before; he puts the blame squarely on Husk’s huggable shoulders.

Sour Dove by blatantblue/@blatantblue Hazbin Hotel | Angel Dust/Husk | 6k | Explicit | Part 2 of Pornstar Martini

“What do you need?” Husk asks again, hand in Angel’s hair, always in Angel’s hair. Angel needs to feel something that’s his and only his. He needs to know there’s a part of him, a pathetic inch, when he doesn’t yet end and Valentino doesn’t yet begin. He needs a lie. “Put me on my knees.” Husk doesn’t even flinch. “You know I’m not gonna do that, baby.” Angel and Husk get as close as they can without breaking each other.

Call Your Bluff by RazzAppleMagic/@razzapplemagic Hazbin Hotel | Angel Dust/Husk | 72k (WIP) | Explicit

Val may be a fucking monster, but he’s a monster that Angel knows. He’s a monster that Angel understands. Angel isn’t stupid; he made the choice to sign with Valentino because he was the only overlord that made sense for Angel’s lifestyle — for what Angel wanted out of Hell. But now you’re tellin’ him that his soul is owed to some random fucking jackass who swindled Val in a game of cards? How can that be fair? How can that be something that’s just allowed to happen? (In which, Angel's contract is acquired by a new overlord — Hell's very own Gambling Demon, and they both get more from the relationship than either of them bargained for.)

snipers solve 99% of all problems by silentwalrus/@silentwalrus1 Fullmetal Alchemist | Gen | 260k (WIP) | Mature

Ed had thought, after the whole Promised Day, homunculus, entire country harvested for alchemical batteries thing, the batshit quotient of his life would have settled down some. He really ought to have topped out the meter with that one. But no. The bullshit is just getting started. “Are you fucking kidding me,” Ed demands. “The wizards?”

Call Sign: Morning Star by blatantblue/@blatantblue Hazbin Hotel | Alastor/Lucifer Morningstar | 7k | Explicit

“You,” Alastor says slowly, “came up here to proposition me?” Lucifer shrugs. “And if I did?” Joy and the thrill of friendship are not on Alastor’s frequency, and neither is Lucifer. But it may be their last night in Hell; in the circumstances, Lucifer’s mouth on him is infinitely less of a terrible idea.

You're in MY House, Bitch by brightened Hazbin Hotel | Adam/Lucifer Morningstar | 3k | Explicit

“Is this what you’ve been up to?” Adam asks. “A rubber duck orgy?” Lucifer gasps, reaching for the nearest duck and clutching it to his chest. “How dare you! I’ve never fornicated with any of my ducks. In fact … I haven’t fornicated since Lilith.” Lucifer drops the duck in favor of drumming both hands on his chest. “Well, that’s embarrassing. Why am I saying this to you?” Lucifer propositions Adam. Not in that way! But also, yes in that way.

Dusk Till Dawn by Novaeris Helluva Boss | Blitzø/Stolas | 13k | Mature

When Blitzø gets drugged and kidnapped by an imp gang, he has to fight tooth and nail to make it out with his life. When his injuries prove to be a bit too much for him to handle, he sucks up his pride and goes to ask Stolas for help. Normally, not a big deal. Except this time, he hasn’t spoken to the guy since their shitty first date at Ozzie’s. And when one of his wounds gives Blitzø a nasty fever, he finds himself revealing a lot more than he intended. A post ep 7 fic with a lot of Blitzø whump and Stolas finally learning where the lines of communication had broken down between them.

Far From Heaven by Novaeris Helluva Boss | Blitzø/Stolas | 45k | Explicit

After their disastrous first date, Blitzo and Stolas struggle to pick themselves back up again in the aftermath. It takes many small steps before they can finally be honest, with themselves and with each other. Blitzo learns to tell the truth. And Stolas learns that, sometimes, things aren’t as hopeless as they appear. A study of Blitzo and a study of Stolas as they fall apart and then come back together after ep 7.

Palaces and Souvenirs by CloudySonder/@cloudysonder Helluva Boss | Blitzø/Stolas | 14k (WIP) | Mature

So Stolas is objectively. Objectively. Attractive. Kinda soft-looking, sometimes. Pretty. Whatever. Fuckin’ whatever. That’s always been a thing. Blitzo knew that, Stolas definitely knew that-- whatever. This is not, Blitzo thinks, sounding a little bit desperate even to himself, some sort of revelation. the lack of Slow-Burn Friends-With-Benefits to Lovers with Octavia & Blitzo Bonding as a Sideplot content in the stolitz community is Appalling, so i am merely fulfilling a demand in the market

"Red." by QUINADEN Helluva Boss | Blitzø/Stolas | 10k | Explicit

Another full moon, another sexual rendevous. But when Stolas suggests that he return the favor for once, Blitz has to confront the fact that giving over even more control of the situation might be the scariest compromise he’s ever had to make.

At Your Service by QUINADEN Helluva Boss | Blitzø/Stolas | 14k (WIP) | Mature

When Blitz was 10, his family sold him to the Ars Goetia family, believing that he’d have a far better life than he ever would in the circus business given his lack of general talent and skill. With his soul forever bound by contract, he has one job and one job only: to serve Prince Stolas of the Ars Goetia. Part of that duty eventually became having a nearly two-decades-long affair with the prince. But when their secret is discovered by Andrelphus, who threatens to expose them both to the Goetia family, just how far will Blitzø be willing to go in order to protect Stolas, and, by extension, his own life?

The Devil Is My Shepherd by QUINADEN Helluva Boss | Blitzø/Stolas | 28k (WIP) | Mature

No longer able to live in the comfort of the home and property he owned for decades, Blitzo has now moved in (at least temporarily) with Stolas while he recovers from his injuries sustained at the hands of the local Catholic congregation. No one said adjusting to an entirely new life in Hell would be easy, but between Stolas' daughter going through the motions of her parents separating, his new friends planning their wedding, a manager who is both younger and far braver than he is, and Stolas himself, it's been difficult, to say the least. Grappling with a brand new lifestyle and world without the comfort of the deity his parents raised him to embrace, things are certainly going to be rough. He's already been dragged down into the depth of Hell, though: how much worse could it get?

Traces of Spring by nehezt/@nehezt Kung Fu Panda | Gen | Mature

While investigating a strange phenomenon, Po inadvertently brings Tai Lung back from the Spirit Realm. Forced to live again, Tai Lung must grapple with his place in the world and the feelings that led to his attack on the Valley of Peace.

Competition by astolat/@astolat Game of Thrones | Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth | 11k | Mature

Almost the instant Brienne was out of earshot, Bronn turned to Podrick, jerked his head towards Jaime and asked, “Has he fucked her yet?”

Words by astolat/@astolat Game of Thrones | Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth | 10k | Explicit

“So we’ll look for you in the North," Robb Stark said, "coming to pay your debt."

Let The River Run by astolat/@astolat Game of Thrones | Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth/Robb Stark | 61k | Explicit

The deep satisfaction of having made the right choice; of having found a clear-flowing wellspring of true honor to protect.

Royal Flush by astolat/@astolat Game of Thrones | Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth/Margaery Tyrell | 85k | Explicit

Robb Stark had swept his entire hand of cards off the table, and Tyrion couldn’t see how to make a single play at all.

Winter's Crown by astolat/@astolat Game of Thrones | Jaime Lannister/Robb Stark | 76k | Explicit

“When the Night’s King rides,” the giant said, each word slow as cold honey pouring, “the King in the North must answer. The King in the North…whose name is Stark.”

[thestrangestthing89]

Catching up on some of the behind the scenes stuff. My take on what we have seen so far...

Mike having a similar look to season 1 is so good for him. I think it shows he is more comfortable with himself. He's going back to his roots when he was the character everyone loved. So I think we will get a more authentic Mike and Paladin Mike back right off the bat.

I like the blue polo with the yellow collar. And it looks like his jacket is a little green in the video with him and El (like a sage green/greyish green color). It reminds me a bit of the color block polo he was wearing in S3 which makes me wonder if Will is going to have a matching one this season too.

Mike and El's relationship closely resembles Nancy and Steve's. El broke up with him with the From El letter and he knows this. I've written about this a lot so I'm not going to get into it here, but the fact that at the end of S4 shows a 2 day time jump and after this point Mike and El aren't even talking and they are rolling their eyes at each other is meant to indicate that something happened with them during that time jump that wasn't good.

The fact that S5 seems to pick up a couple years later (judging by El's hair) I think is further proof that they already filmed part of S5 back when they were doing S4. The part that picks up right where S4 ended I think was already done. So I think this is where we will get to see a clarification of what exactly happened during that 2 day jump and get confirmation that Mike and El broke up already.

Their relationship was defined as being immature and made both of them feel badly about themselves. They were already at a point where they wanted it over so there is no reason narratively why that needs to drag out over 2 years when neither of them is happy.

Especially considering Mike's new look where he is dressing more like himself. They have established for 2 seasons that Mike isn't himself when he is with El. So him acting more comfortable and looking more like himself all points to him and El having broken up a while ago. He had time to figure out what was authentic for him already over a time jump.

I think Mike and El's conversation has more to do with reestablishing a friendship. They didn't communicate well when they were in a relationship and El dismissed Mike's feelings a lot (the conversation about bullying being one of those times), so I think it's possible they drifted apart during the couple year jump because I think it's hard for Mike to trust her. I saw people comparing it to the train track conversation back in S1 and I think that's accurate. That conversation was meant to indicate the first time Mike started seeing her as a friend (even though they really didn't reach an understanding here the way he thought). But I think this time it actually will establish a real friendship in a way that was different than before.

I do think think it's likely Mike and Will are together at this point in the beginning of S5. But either way I think a lot of this conversation with El has to do with Mike telling her how he feels about Will and them being honest with each other for the first time.

Mike and El have very few one on one scenes together. I think I can count on one hand the amount of conversations they have had where it was just the two of them and a group wasn't around them. To me, this indicates that this conversation is actually important. Unlike a lot of their other conversations where they weren't communicating well or they weren't acting like themselves. But I think in keeping with the pattern the show has always had, this is likely the last one on one scene with them until the end of the season. They tend to not interact much in the middle of every season so I would be surprised if there was much more content with just the two of them.

This scene is very platonic just based on their body language. They aren't close or acting in any romantic way. And again, the fact that they seem comfortable indicates that they have had time to reflect on their relationship and heal from it. Mike is never comfortable around El in S3 or S4. He is never comfortable with her touching him or being close with her. So the fact that he is here, is further proof to me that it's already over. He isn't pretending anymore (I think he was done with this by the end of S4).

Another thing that makes me think they haven't spent much time together over a jump of a few years is Mike directly telling Will in S4 that he wished he spent less time with El and more with him. He already made the mistake of not spending time with Will and regretted it. He isn't going to do that again. So I think it's possible that he has been spending more time with Will to make up for it and ended up pulling away from El. And this conversation in S5 is meant to be an acknowledgement of that and the fact that he can have a romantic relationship with Will and a platonic one with El at the same time. Two people he has been struggling to have a relationship at the same time with since pretty much the beginning of the series.

Very curious to see what Will's look is because I don't think it's a bowl cut. I always thought that hairstyle was meant to indicate him holding on to his childhood and all of his trauma. If he has a new look I think it's a good hint that not only is he more comfortable with himself but that him and Mike are already together at the beginning of S5. The show has already established that the two of them are only comfortable with themselves when they are together. Mike being true to himself is a good thing. It shows he learned and grew from his immature behavior in the past few seasons. I would be surprised if Will's look doesn't indicate the same based on where his character arc left off at the end of S4.

[nyantropy]

Sorry for a long post and my grammar, but this is something that i really need to get of my chest

After almost a year of thinking about it, i've come to a simple conclusion - despite my love for part 5, i do not like how Lupin's and Goemon's conflict ended.. Or at the very least im very confused by it. And here is why

Before i go into details about this, i want to clarify a few things

1. All of this is, obviously, my personal opinion. If you disagree - thats great!! I would honestly love to hear your opinion!!

2. I love part 5 and this conflict in it self. The moment when Goemon, after releasing what he had  done, rushes back to Lupin, throwing Zantezuken away, and desperately calls to him is beautifully heartbreaking! And the scene where Lupin encourages him to laugh after everything that happened is just beautiful!

However.. This same scene is basically the only conclusion that we ever get to this conflict. And this is just not enough. You may argue that this is the point - they've been through hell and back together, of course that would be enough for them! And i agree. I agree that the intention behind writing this scene the way it was written, was to show us that Lupin and Goemon are so close that they don't need lengthy discussions to understand each other and to forgive each other. But! If that's the truth.. why was there a conflict to begin with?

The problem with this ending is the fact that it addresses only that Goe attacked Lupin but not the cause of it, making it seem like the only reason for this was... "Enzo told him to!"

Wich is not the case

The reason for why i think that way is simple - even befor Enzo starts trying to manipulate him, Goemon declares, that he and Lupin are neither allies nor friends, wich outright suggest that his actions and insecuritys about beeing seen as Lupins underling or part of Lupins collection, are symptoms of a bigger issue.

Because up until this point.. there wasn't really much to suggest they aren't, not only in other season but in this one. Up untill this point Goemon trust Lupin with his plans, helps him whenever he can and just is in general.. acts like his freind, even if a little more silent then Jigen. One of the best examples is the scene where Albert injured Lupin and seeing this, even so Goemon clearly looks at him with rage and desire for revenge, he prioritizes saving his freind. Because Lupin is important to him.

And even better we can see the depths of his attachment to Lupin after Goemon hurts him in a fight. It wasn't what he wanted, it never was. What he truly wanted was to know for sure who he was to Lupin and if he was as important to him, as he himself is to Goe.

At least that's the picture all of part 5 episodes paint in my head.

And yet.. Goemon never gets the answer!! Lupin never reasures him, they never talk about there relationships, instead the focus of the story shifts to something else. And i truly dont understand  why! Part 5 puts alot of emphases on to human relationships and yet..  This conflict has alot of built up to it, be it in a form of this two acting like freinds, Goemon questioning if Lupin even needs him and Jigen or.. Lupin outright SAYING THAT GOEMON IS HIS FREIND ONLY TO NEVER REPEAT IT TO GOE HIMSELF WICH HE ACTUALLY NEEDED!!

And yet.. this just never gets addressed in the series...Wich makes me extremely sad, because Goemon's and Lupin's friendship is one of the things wich i like the most about "Lupin the third" and.. it just sad how it gets either neglected or dealt with.. like this in recent seasons

Anyway, what do YOU think?

[meraki-yao]

I want to hear your opinion on this. Please. If you can because the twitter account that I'll be talking about is on tumblr and I think her account is njwoman (unless they changed it). But anyway...

Their account on Twitter is @bourdainstalker if you want to see. But today was the PGA Awards and, sadly, they lost. Taylor went to the event and Nick didn't (I don't know if he got invited to attend or what). On their twitter account, they pinned a post that said they support both of them.

But immediately after RWRB lost the category, they posted a tweet that said "I know 1 person who doesn't care that they lost". And I know who they mean because every single time that Taylor talks about RWRB, they say something like 'Nick hates the movie'. Everytime Taylor signs RWRB books, they say something like 'Nick hates RWRB'. And also today, Phil Dunsen liked Taylor's Instagram post from yesterday and they said 'Colleagues supporting colleagues. It's so easy. Takes 30 seconds.' And I know who they're talking about because they always say that Nick doesn't like Taylor's Instagram posts.

For someone who says they support BOTH OF THEM, I don't think the word support means shitting on one of them. And spreading hate.

Someone really is obsessed for Nick's like. Like, Nick is so famous that so-called Taylor fans want Nick's like on Taylor's Instagram posts.

...whew. Okay, here we go.

I'm not on Twitter, so I can't (and don't really want to check it), so right now I'll take your word for it, especially since it's not just this person, I had plenty of anon ask come in my inbox with similar sentiments.

I'm going to divide this ask into parts and refute them accordingly:

1, Nick doesn't sign books

2, Nick doesn't like Taylor's post

3, Nick didn't attend PGA, he doesn't care

4, Nick hates rwrb

okay, let's start.

Regarding 1:

That's simply not true.

We see Taylor sign books and talk about rwrb, partly of course because he wants to and he's proud of the movie, but partly also because he shows up to events and places to do so. Think about it, when and where does he sign books? when he attends public events, whether or not it's related to the movie even marginally (ex: fashion events). when and where does he talk about rwrb publicly? when he's prompted to by an interviewer. I have no doubt that he could talk about the movie for hours on his own, but everything we see in public, is from him attending public events.

Nick hasn't been to that many public events since the strike ended. I can't keep track of how many events Taylor attended since August, in his China trip one day alone covered three to four events. Nick on the other hand, went to GQ Men of the Year in November, the Academy museum gala in December, and Milan Fashion Week for Fendi last month. That's it. And except for the academy gala where fans weren't really allowed to be there, so neither Taylor nor Nick got to sign anything, both other times, Nick signed the books. That's where the "Should I sign on Taylor's face? I heard he keeps signing in my face." came from. And that was literally last month.

And it's not a problem that Taylor attends so many events while Nick doesn't. It doesn't make Nick a lesser person. They just have different choices in how to use their time, as we all do. Taylor's also a significantly more extroverted person than Nick, who was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when he was young.

But anytime they can, they both sign books. So accusing Nick of not signing books isn't true in the slightest. It just seems that way because of the contrast between the number of events Taylor attends vs that of Nick.

Regarding 2:

I don't understand, nor see a logical explanation for being so fixating on "liking" on social media, and using that to determine their relationship. If that's how your friendship work, you may want to re-evluate them.

Also again, I think it's a matter of contrast and it's effect on perception. Taylor doesn't like Nick's post all the time either: since the strike ended, the only post of Nick's that Taylor liked is the Academy Museum Gala, George's "The Son The Seducer" poster, and the poster with Mary and George. That's three times. Neither of the boys liked each other's RWRB post.

And it's not like Nick doesn't like Taylor's post at all. In fact, he does it quite deliberately: In my "candies" post, When Taylor was in China but being attacked on Twitter, Nick suddenly popped out to like Taylor's Academy Museum Gala post, which is rare for him. At the end of the day, we can only speculate but it's pretty safe to guess that this was a sign of support amist the drama.

On top of that, there's actually a "candy" about their social media interaction that is in my part 2 post that I'm working on, but basically on Nick's Tik Tok, he cleared out a good number of following accounts, only keeping 7 out of 83 accounts: 6 are other co-stars that developed into close friends (we call it 閨蜜) like Camila Cabello and the girls from Bottoms, but the only one account left in his following list that's not a girl is Taylor. I would argue that's a stronger indication of a relationship than likes.

Regarding 3:

Nick didn't go because he's in London dealing with M&G promo stuff. It's airing in the UK next week. It's part of his job, and unlike going to award ceremonies, doing promo for a show that's airing really soon isn't optional.

Regrading 4:

When has Nick ever actually shown hate towards rwrb? Jacob Elordi literally saying that he hated making the kissing booth movies on record, same with Robin Pattison with Twilight, that's "the actor hates this work".

Nick mentioned in the limited amount of rwrb interviews we have that it was a thrill to work with Matthew and Taylor on this movie. After Prince Robert he didn't want to take another royal role but Henry was too fascinating of a character to not take up. He, despite not being able to be vocal about the movie due to the strike, posted ❤️ on premiere night. His rwrb Instagram post says that the love Henry's received one of the most heartwarming experiences in his life. He signs books. He even refers to Henry as himself: when he was asked to signed the Japanese cover of the book, he took one look at Henry, not even himself as Henry, BOOK Henry and said "wow I look so much better here!" it was Henry, and he used "I".

What about this could possibly indicate he hates rwrb?

Someone who shades on one actor clearly isn't someone who's supportive for the pair. Just because there are certain things people expect Nick to do that he doesn't, doesn't mean that he's what they claim to be. This isn't a valid method of verification. Everything I said here has evidence, visual or vocal or written evidence to back my points up.

If this person's opinions is hurtful and they won't listen to reason, then please block them. As upsetting as it is, getting into arguments won't do any good. You cannot change the mind of someone who has their mind set.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Rereading Emma, I’m noticing the degree to which it includes an inversion of Sense and Sensibility: in both of them, a young man is in a secret engagement with a poor woman of whom his family would strongly disapprove, but he appears to have fallen in love with another young lady whom he met after the start of the engagement. In both of them, the woman he is engaged to notices this other attachment.

The contrast is in the utterly different personalities of Jane Fairfax and Emma relative to Lucy Steele and Elinor. Lucy is posessive and feigns friendship with Elinor in order to taunt and watch her, whereas Jane is distant from Emma and would rather break the engagement than have him marry her out of obligation. In personality, the compare-and-contrast effect is heightened by Jane Fairfax and Elinor Dashwood - in opposite positions in the real or supposed triangles - having extremely similar personalities: reserved, polite, self-controlled, valuing morals and good behaviour over personal comfort, and willing to bear patiently with difficulties.

Emma, however, behaves extremely badly by Jane in spreading (if only to Frank) the groundless speculation of a romantic connection between Jane and Jane’s friend’s husband. In addition to this being extremely insulting in particular to a woman like Jane with very high moral standards, Emma (not knowing of the engagement) is under the impression that Jane is going to be a governess, and being suspected of such a thing, if it got spread around by gossip, could be extremely destructive to Jane’s job prospects. Though Emma has no real malice, one could easily see Jane feeling similar about her to how Elinor feels about Lucy.

The other contrast with S&S, of course, is that neither Emma nor Frank is either in love with each other; they just have a lively friendship and enjoy other people shipping them (Frank to conceal his actual engagement; Emma for reasons of vanity and because he’s really the only person who’s both socially eligible and close to her age that she’s ever met in her limited social circle).

The other thing that stands out is that, relative to Austen’s other novels, Emma is much more of a sitcom. Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, and Persuasion all have comparatively linear narratives revolving around 1-3 relationships involving the main characters. Emma’s much more episodic, without either Emma or Mr. Knightley realizing their feelings until later in the book, and with very low stakes for both of them through most of the book. Austen’s novels seem to alternate in this way. Northanger Abbey (written first, but not published at the time) satirizes popular melodramatic novels, and so to a lesser degree does Sense & Sensibility. The lighter and wittier Pride & Prejudice is followed by the more serious and sober Mansfield Park, which is clearly in conversation with P&P with the strong parallels and contrasts between the two in characters, relationships, and scenes. Then the lighter and more comedic Emma follows the more serious MP, and is in term followed by the more serious and dramatic Persuasion. This feels deliberate on Austen’s part, and would have given her contemporary readers a good amount of variety.

Emma’s an interesting character in that, while her flaws (mainly her snobbishness towards the Martins and how manipulative she is regarding Harriet’s interactions with them, as well as her bad behaviour to Jane) do bother me more than any of Austen’s other protagonists, she also has virtues I couldn’t imagine having (her father is so aggravating, and she’s so patient and tactful and good at understanding how to manage his interactions with guests in a way that is comfortable for everyone). Really, despite very different social classes, Mr. Woodhouse and Miss Bates are notably similar in being very kind and well-meaning but also very irritating, and taking a long time to say very little. I feel like that may be an intentional parallel.

My sympathies in the book (apart from Jane Fairfax and Mr. Knightley) are most with Mr. John Knightley, Isabella’s husband, and if I were in the book he’s probably the one I would most enjoy spending time with. I too would get annoyed sometimes with many of these people! I too weary of meaningless small talk and local gossip! I could happily accept a little occasional ill-humour from him in exchange for the rare blessing of thirty minutes’ rational conversation.

[multbasa]

Just going to ramble about my thoughts on Sonic as a character and shipping.

First of all, I am personally not sexual nor romantic as in I have no interest in dating anyone myself, but I enjoy fictional character ships in the way that it is fun to see different characters interact and how they play off each other. In terms of shipping, all my "ships" can be romantic or platonic because I personally view platonic connections as just as strong of a connection to romantic connections. In my personal life, romance has no importance to me, so platonic (and familial) relationships mean a lot to me which is why I have "platonic ships" that are stronger than simple friendships. (As an aside, I personally don't make a distinction between romantic and sexual love since neither are important to me, so when I say romantic that can include sexual love as well.)

In regards to Sonic as a character, I've just been thinking about him and why I don't feel very strongly towards many of his ships and I think it is because I kind of view him as an asexual/aromantic character.

I do enjoy Sonamy in Unleashed by the way we got to see him feeling vulnerable when Amy didn't recognize him and how he thought that she wouldn't accept him looking the way he did. Amy saying that she loves him regardless of what he looks like was a really good moment for me, and I like to think that this was a defining moment for their relationship, but I hesitate to say that I would like them to officially get together. While I think they could make a good power couple, I like them more in a platonic way. The idea of Amy having romantic feelings towards Sonic but being comfortable as just friends who have the ability to acknowledge, accept and even playfully tease those feelings without expectations of more is just very meaningful to me personally. I enjoy how they are affectionate sometimes in the IDW comics where Amy's romantic feelings towards him are very apparent but they maintain a platonic relationship. I know there are people who don't like this because it feels like an in-between state where their relationship isn't defined, but personally I dig it.

That brings me to other ships involving Sonic. I just really don't feel strongly towards any of them even though I can understand why others might ship it. This includes Sonic and Shadow, Sonic and Blaze, and Sonic and Knuckles to name a few. I think it's because of how I see Sonic as quite aromantic which is in contrast to Amy who is incredibly romantic and I enjoy a lot of ships with her including Blaze (Amy's personality just really plays off of Blaze imo), Metal Sonic (I like her history of sympathizing with robots and Metal finding his own identity just has nice potential to me) and even Knuckles (She and Knuckles are two characters whom I could see 'settling down"). No one in the series pursues Sonic like Amy does, and because of my aromantic view of him, I don't see him as the pursuing type.

For instance, in Sonic Rush, he and Blaze share a connection and I enjoyed that game a lot (not so much Sonic Rush Adventure because of some gameplay decisions namely racing 'Johnny' so damn much), but I really prefer them as strictly friends. With my view of Sonic being aromantic and Blaze's personality being very diligent and dedicated to her work as a leader and a guardian, they just don't have a strong pull towards each other in my eyes. My interest in Blaze/Amy has to do with Amy being a very emotionally upfront character, and my interest in Silver/Blaze has to do with their very comfortable connection to each other and the star-crossed lovers trope where the space and time keeping them apart is a big part of the appeal to me (a reminder that I like both the romantic and platonic aspects of all my ships, so I enjoy them as a platonic ship as well).

I think I am projecting myself onto Sonic in some way despite him never being #1 favourite character (when I was a little girl, my favourite character was Cream, and I would say that Silver or Blaze is my favourite now, but I've never projected myself onto those characters). I like stories where characters do not get together romantically but have a strong platonic bond afterwards like how Zagreus and Dusa are in the videogame 'Hades'. The idea that someone is romantically in love with someone else but is able to fully accept and acknowledge that their love is one sided without bitter feelings which results in a very strong friendship is so appealing to me as someone who has dealt with people not accepting my rejection of their romantic feelings. It's absolutely a guilty pleasure of mine, and Sonamy fits in with that because of Amy's canon romantic interest and history with Sonic which allows for a lot of development into a comfortable platonic affection—their past being something they can laugh and bond over without any sort of hard feelings.

Besides that, I think there's also the negative influence from the Archie comics that affected how I see Sonic. No hate towards Archie fans, but man did I absolutely hate the romantic drama even as a kid. The way Sonic was portrayed in that series really rubbed me the wrong way. I can't even think of a single romantic moment that didn't give me the "ick" to be honest. I know there was a reboot at some point but I didn't really read that. I've read parts of the original series but the romance always drove me away especially the stuff with that fox girl Fiona and the drama with Tails. Ugh, honestly I don't want to think about it.

Sonic is just very non romantic to me and I prefer him that way which is why I don't really ship him at all compared to other characters.

I'm not looking for outside validation or anything. I just felt like musing on my blog here. Maybe I will make different posts for each ship I enjoy and what I like about them specifically just for fun.

[angelinthefire]

Solitudes: director's commentary

So this is a thing I do now, post commentary on my fics. I've been sitting on this fic for a long time and I'm excited to finally talk about it!

Read the fic here

Chapter 1

The title of this fic is a reference to “Two Solitudes”, a novel which I’ve never read, but which is a point of reference for Canadian political science, about the fundamental division between Quebec and English Canada, and the two never being able to connect or understand the experience of the other.  And that’s one of the inspirations for this fic, exploring the degree to which Dean and Cas understand each other and misunderstand each other, and their attempts to communicate what they want from their relationship.  I do believe that Dean and Cas understand each other and connect and relate to each other to a large extent, and far better than some fans give them credit for. Sometimes I see the “Don’t go/Ask me to stay” dynamic exaggerated to an extent that I believe no longer makes sense, given their friendship.  At the same time, there is an underlying tension and disconnect between them. They don’t have a perfect understanding of each other. And that still matters quite a lot. 

The other source of inspiration for this is that I haven’t written anything where Dean is the one with a handle on his feelings and wants to initiate something, since like 2013. And that I’ve never written anything set in season 12, despite that season having the perfect setup for Dean and Cas getting together.  And I was thinking, how do I push things further than what happened on the show? I usually like my fic to feel very situated in canon, and since Dean and Cas didn’t actually get together in s12, something else would have to happen, something to push Dean over the edge. Something that would also push Cas to make a realization.  So that’s how I ended up with the idea to lock Dean and Cas in a room together, with Dean thinking that Cas is dead, and Cas unable to do anything but watch. In my head, the alternate title for this story is “The Pear Jiggler fic”. Just stick them in a box and fuck with them. We also often talk about how Cas never gets to see how Dean reacts when he dies, so that was a fun thing to do as well.  And I just love a good bottle episode. Something that’s just all character-driven. 

In terms of characterization, one thing that’s very important to me is that Cas knows that Dean cares about him. He’s not some poor soul who thinks he’s on thin ice all the time, or thinks that he has to be useful to be loved. He understands that Dean cares, but the misunderstanding is the degree to which Dean needs him in his life.  Cas does have a drive to be useful, to solve problems, but it’s internally motivated. He has to prove that he’s useful for himself, not for Dean. Even when Dean gets pissed at him, Cas doesn’t take it too, too personally, because he does still know that he’s important to Dean.

For Dean, the emphasis is really on the way he retreats when threatened, emotionally. When he behaves badly, it’s partially because he’s worried, but also as a defence mechanism. He only puts words to his feelings when he has nothing left to lose. 

It’s been a while since I’ve written a version of Cas that wasn’t fully tuned in to his feelings for Dean. One of the more fun things about this angsty fic was having Cas thinking about Dean wistfully, and not imagining that Dean might be in love with him, or that his feelings are anything other than friendship.  I guess the other option was to write mutual pining, Dean and Cas both being aware of their feelings but neither realizing the other feels the same way. But for me, the realization that what they feel is love is a really fun part of the story, so I wanted that moment for at least one of them.  Of course, Dean isn’t fully there yet either. Like he knows, but he’s not 100% there. But it’s just caution that’s holding him back. A lot of the time in fic, when it’s Dean’s POV and he knows he’s in love with Cas, there’s a whole big self esteem thing that holds him back. And I never really buy that. Plus it’s unnecessary.

I’ve noticed that in a lot of my fics, I get Dean out of the driver’s seat of the Impala, or out of the Impala entirely. It is about getting him into a new situation, making him feel off-kilter in some way. Switching up the status-quo. 

I’ve been playing the Sims quite a bit, mostly building homes, and therefore looking at a lot of fancy real estate postings for inspiration. I find brutalist architecture quite compelling in its own right. I wanted a setting that feels foreboding, but still like a place where someone might actually have lived. A room with very little in it that could provide distraction. And a space where light plays an important role, which it does in brutalist buildings, I think. I do find it unlikely that a desk and chair would have survived, but Dean needed something to smash up, so. And the fountain wall is there to create a sense that the building is being taken over by something, it has something growing in it. 

The monster itself isn’t consciously based on anything. It’s what it needs to be for the story. Whatever lore I made up only exists to support its function in the story. Even the way Sam kills it, just serves to underline that it’s unique and powerful, and therefore able to keep Cas contained.

Chapter 2

I didn’t have the idea to do the split-screen until I was well into planning the fic. To emphasize the division between Dean and Cas, their mismatched perspectives. For a second I considered just having two unbroken columns, so that the reader would have to decide when/if to go back and forth, but that would have been kind of confusing. And ultimately, Cas is reacting to Dean, so you need to keep going back to Dean to understand Cas.  I wrote Dean’s side first, as the independent variable. Deciding where to break, and switch to Cas was a bit of a back-and-forth process, because it had to work both in terms of story and in terms of rhythm.  One thing I liked about this is that I didn’t have to decide whose POV to write in. Unless a story is strictly one character’s POV I usually plan out scenes from both of their perspectives and then decide which one is better to take for the story, and sometimes that can be kind of tough. 

Of course, the entire conceit of this scenario is that it’s a metaphor for their relationship. Or it takes the tension in their relationship and brings it to the next level. They’re together, but there’s something preventing them from fully connecting. They understand each other, but they misunderstand each other at the same time. And it’s by making that disconnect physical that they start to kind of be able to deal with it. Because it gives Cas a perspective on Dean that he didn’t have before. They don’t fully resolve their problems by the end, and to be honest I wouldn’t want them to. But they make some progress. 

I had fun with the imagery for this. Dean and Cas sharing the same space, being separated by light, and by illusion.

Dean’s alcoholism figures very heavily in this. But it is not addressed as a problem for him to overcome. I neither feel equipped to write a story about alcoholism per se, nor do I want to. A running theme throughout a few of my fics is that Dean and Cas do not fix each other. They keep being the same fucked up guys. And I think getting Dean to a place where he wants to deal with his substance abuse problems would require a lot more story behind it. 

The withdrawal is there to make things that much more horrible for Dean, not to actually deal with alcoholism as an issue.. And it adds an extra sense of threat. I didn’t do a ton of research on what happens when someone goes through withdrawal, I just looked up a timeline for symptoms (it can start after just six hours! I didn’t know that before). And I confirmed that someone could die from withdrawal. 

For Dean, chapter 2 is about making him sit with his misery. Unlike every other time he’s lost Cas on the show, there’s nothing to distract him here. And that’s one of the things that pushes him to vocalize his thoughts and feelings..  As well, anger, guilt, fear and love are all very much intertwined for Dean. And that’s accentuated by the situation. So he says “I hate you” before he says “I love you.” But then, as his motivation to survive kind of drains away, his defensive instincts do as well. 

For Cas, it was about forcing him to accept that things are outside of his control. There’s no more desperate moves, he can’t throw himself on his sword. Like Dean, there’s nothing to distract him, he’s forced to stop and reflect on what’s happening. He has to face what he means to Dean.  When Cas says “I’m not worth it” - that’s something that came up when I was freewriting dialogue and it just felt right. But I spend zero time unpacking it. Again, it’s one of those things - Dean and Cas are both fucked up, they both have their problems, and this experience doesn’t change that. In fact, it probably makes him worse. Another aspect of Cas’ powerlessness is how he relates to his human body. Not having it, or not being able to use it, makes him more possessive over it. 

Still on the topic of Dean and Cas not being able to fix each other, you see that when Dean says he’s in love with Cas, and it finally clicks for Cas. It doesn’t solve anything.  I did really want to make the point that the two of them being in love doesn’t change anything in terms of their plans or obligations. And it doesn’t really change much about how they relate to each other either. I’ve said before that their friendship and their romance are indistinguishable imo. And the other side of that is that Dean and Cas are both more than their relationship, and the pressures and stresses they face mostly come from outside their relationship (which is a fact that fans lose sight of sometimes). Whether they’re officially In Love or not, they want to be together, but there’s other forces, both internal and external, keeping them apart. 

I hope Dean lying down with Cas’ dead body works. It’s super melodramatic, but it’s also kind of gruesome and I like that. I also love the idea of Cas being jealous of the illusion of his dead body. 

Chapter 3

A dynamic that I really like in storytelling is when The Big Event in the story is not the thing that pushes the characters towards the resolution, but it primes them for the next little thing tipping them over. I do that here, and I kind of do that in Life Skills too. It feels more real to me, and it creates more space to explore the ending imo. So Dean tries to go back to normal!

The fight in the parking lot was probably the scene that was the most fun to write. Like it’s still frustrating and angsty, but it’s kind of funny too. 

And yeah, Cas still feels trapped. The repetition of the gray and green imagery reflects that. He still feels powerless, and it just takes one more shove to get him to open up about it.

Dean has a bit of an impulse to be controlling here. First of all, because I do think it’s in character, but also because I think it’s fun. Like I don’t like to go super-toxic with Dean and Cas, but there’s a measure of toxicity. Again, they keep being fucked up. For Dean, I just touch on it briefly, but I think one aspect of his upbringing is that love has to be proven. Like, he loved his father, so he did what was asked of him. If Cas loved Dean, then he would do what Dean asked of him - this is the main concept that underlies my read of Dean’s reaction to Cas collaborating with Crowley in s7.  For Cas’ part, he doesn’t really register that there’s anything wrong with Dean’s behaviour, or he reads in the best intentions. Which is a fun idea to me. 

I really grappled with whether or not to have a sex scene as part of the resolution. It felt formulaic to do so. There wasn’t a story that I wanted to tell with their sex. But on the other hand, I know there would have been a time when I would have been disappointed to read something like this and not get a sex scene out of it. They go through such intense emotions, it only seems fair to the reader. Ultimately it came down to the fact that there wasn’t anything else that I wanted to say about Dean and Cas. 

I kind of grappled with the end in general. Usually, I write fic with a particular ending in mind. For this one, the journey was the focus more than the ending. But I think the ambiguity works. Nothing is fixed, but they’re trying.

And that’s what listening to the tape at the end is about. The tape is Dean’s way of trying to communicate with Cas. But Cas didn’t really get it before. Now Dean is trying to help him to understand. I considered including lyrics at the end. But the scene isn’t about the lyrics, the lyrics could be anything, it’s about the fact of them listening together.

[idleorbitals]

OF ep 2 watch through ...part 2

(part 1)

sand he was inviting both of you *so* explicitly what is your move here. sand will complain repeatedly about this into the next scene but no one asked him to cancel his date. baby is in denial

side note ray enjoying begging sand so much?? side note also this is how we find out ray blacked out and sand left him their last night together? ouch

ohhhkay the extensive flirting in the car. "one night stand boy, huh?" sand patently enjoying himself /so/ much but whining the whole way. they are both in trouble and neither of them know it yet but sand is going to find out really soon and ray is not going to find out until they both are in much more trouble

top has trauma-induced insomnia and he's serious enough about it to make this face. I'm still proud of mew for checking if he was trying to pull one on him and then being kind about it when it seemed like he wasn't

alright tho didn't we just establish that your much comfier bed is right over there? mew no one did this to you but yourself

I like these mockumentary cutscenes more than I thought I would. mew silently smirking as he checks off boxes is doing heavy narrative lifting and I'm into it

the foreboding music the lighting the lingering on the photo of ray and mew boston what are you planning?? is he about to become a real antagonist? can't decide how I feel about this

ray is sort of into sand insulting him? is this because he doesn't have the power to hurt him yet or masochistic kink

...ray baby no. you're gonna be Learning

sand brings up the /who are you, my dad?/ except this time it's /who am I, your dad?/ convo again and ray makes this face:

alright

alright

oh here we. fokking go

sand going "what am I supposed to be, your hooker" and ray saying "sure" and sand doing soft surprised pikachu for like ten seconds. ray doubling down and sand telling him to save it. instead of saying "I don't sleep with people for money" he says "I sleep with people I like for free" and we send silent thanks to screenwriters who understand the sex industry and have the cultural vocabulary to write compelling nuanced and still quippy conversations about sex. not to be heterophobic but queer people make better tv

anyway sandray are both playing a game and they both keep getting surprised to be one-upped. this is a very enjoyable dynamic to watch and they seem to be enjoying it too

...for now

at minute 8:30 sand's last vocal sound leaves his mouth. for thirty full seconds ray smokes and asks him leading flirty questions including "am I interesting enough for you?" and "are you open to someone like me?" and for thirty full seconds sand looks from rays right eye to his left eye and back again and lowers and raises his jaw infinitesimally and just generally:

this boy is done for and I can't even be mean about it I'm right there with him

anyway at shortly after minute 9 they break the tension and kiss each other. they kiss each other! ray is the one leaning around from his cigarette to do khaotung's little smoke plume of high art but sand is very much matching him in coming in for this kiss. I love this framing so much. firstkhao have the absolutely ideal dynamic to pull this off*

*if anyone saw that one person copy pasting SANDRAYYYY SWITCHHH into the live comment box the entire end credits that wasn't me but I was there with them in spirit

they break away and sand says if they go further they won't just be friends and ray says some kinds of friendship start from sex you watched the same thing I watched I don't need to describe it but here I am. do you remember though that this was the look ray was giving sand while he said that because ho boy

sand pronouncing that ray is going to keep wanting him but they're going to stay just friends right after he says we won't be just friends after this...what level to tackle this on. narratively this definitely feels like foreshadowing and I think he's right on the money on the first bit. but we know that sand is not going to get out of this remotely unscathed whether or not it could possibly be argued that he hasn't already lost that battle. sand showing his hand by contradicting himself out loud as well as internally?

they stub out their cigarettes Significantly and start making out again. can't coherently screencap this scene. it's so excellently done. top notch dynamic again. firstkhao are getting better at this with every go.

ok I do have one minor gripe

for some reason in the middle of sand pushing ray back onto the couch they have inserted a shot of ray on top of sand. it is from the beat that comes after the last little mockumentary cutscene—it's not a double, it's the exact same shot, just colored differently. screenshots below from 10:11 and 11:02

editing mistake? intentional insert to lengthen the scene? I like this shot too but it breaks up the flow of the scene oddly and I want it gone from the first part

mockumentary cutscene: even harder to focus on when I know what's coming back on screen right after but worth mention. obviously sand is reflecting on some past mistakes here. he knows he's playing with fire and he's denying it vocally and also not changing his behavior. self-awareness level relatable honestly. do we think he fell in love with someone he didn't want to? or fell in love freely and then got screwed over? why is he mr. one night stand boy

also don't know whether to credit ray or khaotung for this longest gayest look ever at his own pants. sublime

okay back to the couch for our not-quite-ten-second final indulgence. ray's on top this time. I don't even like sex scenes that much I know what I am saying

I see, like sand's, my words are not matching my actions. and yet

*trembling* sandray.... switch....

all ofts watch throughs

[period-dramallama]

Becoming Elizabeth: the autopsy

I just realised I never did a review of episode 8. Lol. Lmao even. This isn't an episode review but rather a discussion of the show upon rewatch.

Basically this is a show where the whole is not equal to the sum of its parts.

When I talk about the problems with the writing, I generally mean the narrative choices. The literal writing itself is good. Particularly for Tommy S, because those funny and witty/endearing lines explain his charm and why he is able to win over people and make them think he's a nice guy he's a funny guy he's a lovable rogue he's an adventurer. Tommy S does need to have some charm/charisma in order to be an effective villain. He can't go around being obviously evil.

There are still too many F words, but i was pleasantly surprised that there weren't as many as I remembered. And some F words I couldn't bear to part with: "The fuck is that?" And "what the fuck is wrong with you?!" In episode 5 for example.

I've seen some people say that the quality of the writing dropped in the episodes that aren't Anya Reiss but.... I think the quality of the writing was consistent. The iconic "I wish to take my c***ing bath" was not in an Anya episode, and neither was one of my favourite scenes in the whole show (yes it's the Dudley swordfighting training scene but it's an objectively good scene and not just because it's cute boys in fencing gear).

I initially thought episode 7 was my least favourite episode, but looking back there isn't really a good episode or a bad episode. Every episode has something I like and a bunch of stuff I'd change. If I had to pick 2 favourite episodes I'd pick 1 and 6. But because the problems are with narrative choices they're spread across the series. Even in episode 1, we have Elizabeth "I said at 9 i didn't want to marry so a lot would need to happen to change my mind" Tudor suddenly deciding she wants to marry a man she barely knows because hormones and they had a nice conversation one time. The rot set in quickly.

After the first four episodes I started skipping Mary and Tommy S scenes. I won't say any more on Katherine Parr because I've already said all I have to say on her characterisation. I did do some soul searching because I wondered if my dislike of her was subconscious internalised misogyny, given my affection for morally ambiguous male characters. But no, she really does lack both charm and depth.

So why is Becoming Elizabeth so narratively unsatisfying? Aside from Elizabeth being OOC, I think it's that the story feels like it's going around in circles.

Jane and Elizabeth clash. They make up. Then in episode 7 they fall out again. Mary and Edward fight, make up, fight, make up, fight again. Elizabeth realises Tommy S is dangerous, then she forgets, then she realises again. Mary scolds this character and they don't listen and then this character and they don't listen.

Yes character development isn't linear but it isn't circular either. It GOES somewhere. Setup and payoff are mutually reinforcing. It's fun to watch the setup because you know what's coming as a result of it. Payoff is fun because you saw how we got here. But it isn't satisfying to watch something that you know won't result in anything permanent. I don't feel anything watching Jane be tactless to Elizabeth in episode 1 because I know she'll be even MORE tactless in episode 7. And I don't feel anything seeing Elizabeth reach out the hand of friendship to Jane after the recital fiasco because I know in episode 7 they'll just fall out again. Whereas with Mary and Elizabeth they at least end the series with their relationship in a different place (hell).

And I have every sympathy with the writers because I'm up to my eyeballs at editing and I know what it's like to take historical events and try and make a plot and character arcs out of them. But the letter subplot and the Danish marriage subplot were largely fictional anyway. And they kinda went nowhere.

I understand that the showrunners wanted a complex villain in Tommy S. I get it. My favourite characters in this show are people capable of great love and also great harm. But to humanise him you only really needed that conversation with Elizabeth in episode 1 establishing his uncertainty and confusion, and the excellent "goshawk hatching out of a goose egg" scene with Jane. That establishes that he has the ability to be good he just chooses to be awful. So yes, the show really did give him too much screen time. He's not the main character, Elizabeth is! He should not have screen time comparable with her and her siblings! This wasn't supposed to be the Tommy S show! Nobody asked for that!

Gardiner is another problem IMHO. Setting aside the fact he's way too young to be the real Gardiner. He really shouldn't be here. He spent Edward's reign in the Tower. I know he shows up as a result of the fictional plots... so why write those fictional plots to the point you have to bring him in?? Cranmer IS important. You could have had Cranmer pushing Edward to be radical, Ed pushing him to be more lenient, and Daddy Dudley balancing the two. Voila, a dynamic!

And I get that Elizabeth wasn't doing much politically 1550-3 but you could still show her reacting and learning from events around her rather than warping Edward's reign completely out of shape AND making her a side character in her own story.

[odditycollector]

gamdave for the ask meme! and or, erijake??

Dave/Gamzee

1. I am not sure there is another pair of people in homestuck who have quite so skewed a ratio of "resounding & negative impact on each others' lives" and "fucks given about that".

Like, okay, I am p sure Dave does not understand that Gamzee manifested Lil Cal as a physical object, and I am p sure that Gamzee does not regret his awakening as a murderous shitlord, but you see what I am saying here.

2. Serendipity meets Final Destination

Gamzee and Dave are two random strangers who share a minor act of assholery between each other. So minor. Like, maybe they are both at the convenience store at 3am for doritos, and there is only one bag of chips left. And Gamzee snipes the chips out of Dave's almost closed fingers, and in response to his smug sneer Dave crunches the bag, making the chips not be triangles anymore.

And neither really remembers this moment the next day because it is so petty and let's be real they were both probably stoned. But somehow the fateful repercussions from this event are rippling out into the world like a terrible Rube Goldberg avalanche, starting with minor misfortunes and building quickly into mass destruction and death.

Meanwhile Dave and Gamzee are going about their lives with an occasional bemused glance at a wackily awful newscast.

Anyway, it seems like things are dominoing into some kind of worldwide calamity, BUT ACTUALLY everything has been lining up to get Gamzee and Dave onto the same stage so they can have the greatest rap off of all time and also just SUPER hit it off.

As things fade to credits we hear them being all, hey you look kinda familiar youre sure this is the first time we met right? yeah, think id all remember a motherfucker….

(and then the last camera shot is something is knocked off a counter in their wake and that hits a spray bottle which rolls across the hallway… and a creepy noise plays because that is the rule on how to end a movie like this)

Eridan/Jake

1. I am not sure if I have thoughts on Eridan/Jake, but the possibility of Grandpa seducing ancient Beforus Eridan (in homestuck + its game Old Man Jake has so many portals why NOT to Beforus) is both logistically defensible and very funny.

2. Jake is sad and lonely and really misses his good buddy Erisolsprite and decides to track down Erisol's component pieces in the dreambubbles. Sollux, wisely, continues to desire no part of the situation. But Eridan, on finding a guy who WANTS him around, gets really clingy about it (do not believe his posturing otherwise)

He offers to mentor Jake in the Way Of Hope and despite Jake being a god tier achiever and Eridan being a mortal ghost Jake is like, yes sure that makes sense, maybe if i knew more stuff about my powers i wouldn't be a miserable wreck right now, teach me up.

So Jake learns cool shit about weaponizing Hope, but mostly (through Eridan's whiny self pity) he learns that he is not the worst person ever at interpersonal relationships. It puts his friendship errors in perspective, and he even offers Eridan some advice in that department! Which makes Jake feel mature and wise but otherwise does not do shit 'cause ghosts can't change.

Is there a more poignant moirallegiance tragedy in all troll literature? i doubt it.

But then in the end there is an empty green sprite kernel from an unused timeline and Jake invites Eridan to return to being his prescribed guide in the sort-of-living world, and Eridan accepts.

(This is a very weird basis for a relationship from a human POV but neither notices.)