#because personally she has never felt more authentic as a person or an artist to me

[nobrashfestivity]

Personal rambling on Robert Johnson (don't feel you have to read this)

Since last night's song was a Robert Johnson song, I feel like mentioning that I always find it stomach churning how his musical legacy was talked about a large part of the music community.

His name was the subject of two complexly fabricated stories designed to cast him in a musical light that was comfortable to white musicians and writers.

The first one was silliness about him selling his soul to the devil so he could play guitar. It was such an incredibly popular myth (they made movies about it) and when I was a kid it seemed harmless enough until I realized it was to fuel the idea that white culture had about black artists. To whites, black musicians could never be scholarly and learned, doing the difficult task of mastering a musical instrument. Even though so many back musicians were highly educated the trope of the "natural black musician" that didn't have to learn it because they were part of a primitive culture and they were born into music, is a destructive stereotype that lives on today. It's adjacent to the racist "Black people have rhythm" stereotype.

Black people invented so much of American music but it's always been criticized until it is popular enough to be coopted by white artists. I'm not suggesting that white artists refrain from playing and adapting any sort of music, only that there's a lineage from "Jazz is not music" to "Rock and Roll is not music" to "Hip-Hop is not music." I wonder what all these kinds of music have in common!

Fewer people know the more recent Johnson myth that started on the internet, that his recordings were sped up and that's how he sang so high and played difficult things so fast. This had no basis in fact, it was an internet rumor. I felt it was also based on an ingrained racist idea about blues. White musicians had decided it sounded more "Authentic slower despite the fact that Johnson was only 25 years old when he recorded his first records and had ever right to sound like the young man he was. I have been over the "evidence" of this speed changing conspiracy and it was no basis in fact for about 10 reasons I wont bore you with. I just feel it's a lingering and unfortunate cultural picture of the blues that it's a bunch of uneducated black people getting drunk and singing that their baby left them. It can be extremely sophisticated and lyrical music.

I am not accusing everyone of being a racist. Many white musicians genuinely adored, shared the music of and credited Johnson for his genius. Keith Richards famously said when he first heard a record of Johnson paying solo he asked "Who's the guy playing with him?"

The thing I find unfortunate is that endless parade of Blues Hammer bands (Terry Zwigoff KNEW) that have systematically dismantled the elegance of the early rural music. The culture makes it hard for anyone to listen to Johnson and not think of some white hat mustached bar band who thinks they are covering Eric Clapton. And it's just a shame that, in a sense, he will remain this cliche of the guy selling his soul to the devil (so he could play hot licks!) instead of the graceful writer and musician he really was.

And to the poets and writers out there who analyze song lyrics, for me Johnson has some tremendously wry and dense allusions.

I recall reading Stephen Calt (I think) saying that in Johnson's song "Dead Shrimp Blues" "Shrimp" was a 19th century French slang term for a sex worker, long outmoded when he used it. I find these coded aspects to the music really interesting.

In the song last night "Come on in my kitchen" which is all at once mournful and salacious, there's one of Johnson's references to Hoodoo culture:

"Oh, she's gone, I know she won't come back I've taken the last nickel out of her nation sack You better come on in my kitchen It's goin' to be rainin' outdoors"

ethnographer and folklorist Tony Kail writes:

During the 1930’s Anglican minister Harry Middleton Hyatt traveled the United States performing interviews with numerous devotees of Hoodoo and African-American spiritualism. During his stay in Memphis Tennessee Hyatt encountered an informant who shared about a curious artifact known as the ‘nations sack’. Other local terms used for the sack included ‘nations bag’ and probably the most used term the ‘nation sack’.

Hyatt’s informant shared that the sack was worn by females typically around their waist. The sack contained money and objects considered to be ‘lucky’. One practitioner shared with Hyatt that some nation sack owners would place parts of a chicken egg inside the bag while others spoke of adding objects such as roots, snuffboxes and silver dimes. One informant shared that some women utilize materials such as a dollar bill covered in their mate’s urine inside of their nation sacks. Some were used in conjunction with a string that could be tied to ‘tie’ up a man’s ‘nature’ or sexual prowess. The magical principal that appeared frequently was that the ingredients in the nation sack could keep a man faithful and a woman protected. Hyatt’s informant he nicknames the ‘Nation Sack Woman’ advises the minister that the bag is off limits to men and should never be touched by a man.

But a favorite Johnson lyric for me is positively psychedelic for 1937 and is from "Love in vain" which perhaps is popularly known from being covered by The Rolling Stones .

"When the train, it left the station, with two lights on behind the blue light was my blues, and the red light was my mind."

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

Happy 4th December - No, we are not there yet

Sorry in advance, this is a bit of rant, which is not something I usually post. But it's a wet Monday morning and I've had a really frustrating weekend, and today, on this anniversary of maybe the biggest piece of gaylor lore, the pictures and headlines I'm seeing just tipped me over the edge into a rant.

So, on this 4th December 2023 it is 9 years to the day that the world woke up to grainy pictures and videos of Taylor Swift, the world's most famous popstar and America's ultimate good girl, allegedly kissing a woman at a 1975 concert. And the tabloids and social media went crazy over it. And not in a good way. I remember the way I felt, so very nauseated about reading words like 'lesbian affair', 'shocking' and 'fling', not just on Taylor and Karlie's behalf, but the way it made me feel about myself, too. I was brutally reminded that 'lesbian' in 2014 was still seen as a dirty word and society's default was to see sapphic relationships as something scandalous and a fall from grace, rather than something beautiful. To this day I look at this photo and can't help but feel awed by the love and intimacy that their body language exudes, but the world didn't see it that way, they were just obsessing over whether they kissed or not and how to spin that into a dirty story.

That was almost a decade ago. So, have we made progress? Is it all fixed and every queer person (especially artists and celebrities) can live authentically and freely? Well, no, of course not, as was possibly proven again this weekend by Billie Eilish, who confirmed that she is gay (more or less unplanned) in an interview. Nobody should be surprised as she was never subtle about her queerness, yet it cost her over 100,000 social media followers in just 24 hours after explicitly coming out. Being gay, especially for women, is only acceptable when mainstream society don't have to see it. Don't talk about it and God forbid, don't kiss in public. Never mind that straight people do it all the time. The very same tabloid paper that printed kissgate pictures with the word 'shocking' next to them, put Taylor on the cover two years later and described her romance with Tom Hiddleston as 'exciting' and 'sexy'. And on the very morning I see the tweet about Billie, I find this message in my inbox:

Why indeed...? And I was of course expecting Taylor to show up at another football game, but to see her looking somber in a Carol-esque red fur coat, while her partner and all her friends are having a lovely time in LA... it just makes me angry today. Yes, maybe we've made progress in same ways, but we are still so far from where we need to be for everyone to be able to come out without repercussion. In a better world, Taylor would have been in a gorgeous dress next to her wife, rather than sitting next to the girl who would have bullied us in High School.

(And btw, not only was Rebel Wilson blackmailed into coming out by the Sydney Morning Herold, she has lost thousands of followers and has pretty much focused on film making rather than acting since coming out. Maybe this was always her plan, but also, maybe not. Interesting, that film making is also seemingly becoming Taylor's second career leg...)

So, anon who sent me the question above, take this as my answer. Why is the most famous popstar in the world not out in 2023? Most likely because it would cost her so much of what she's worked hard for over the last 17 years. Not withstanding that the answer may also be 🛴 and what he did in 2019 that prevented her from coming out then, the world is just not a very good place for a celebrity to be anything other than straight, white and cisgender. And after 10 years of activism in LGBTQ+ organisations, today I feel a bit deflated by that. But with every single person who feels brave enough to shout their truth from the rooftops, we break down the walls a little more each time. 🌈

[eaglebow09]

Why exactly do you ship Revali with an OC? (Just curious! Is it because there is no one else canonically good for Revali!? Also… do you have a Revali x Anya ship name?

I’m getting interested!

Thank you so much for the question, and it’s a good one, as I know that many people create OCs and the idea behind them is an interesting one in itself! I am so happy to answer and I am happy you are at least intrigued with the story and characters as they are right now. 

I think a reason to choose creating an original character to ship with someone who is canon in a fandom, this being Revali of course, is more centered around not only Revali being my favorite character and an interesting one in my opinion. But I think he can be explored more. He is very confrontational, egotistical, prideful, upfront, confident and a lot of those qualities are seen at face value but on the other side of that coin those qualities exist for a reason , or at least in my mind. 

But to move to why an “original character”, It is probably  because when you have more artistic liberty of being able to write interactions or "explore" interactions with characters that are already “founded” you can sometimes challenge those canon characters in situations they would normally, in the given events of that universe, not find themselves in.  And it allows you to explore more of what their personality would be like or what they would do in a situation. I think you have more freedom with an original character as you can chart that OC's own course in the same universe that other canon characters in a fandom may already have. 

I chose to create Anya because I wanted someone who could challenge and explore those otherwise untapped or unexplored faucets to who Revali can be, given the chances, or why he is how he is.  Also creating Anya with the background she has, her personality, story, and her values, are a great push back on what we know of Revali. This leads us back to our origin of wanting to know characters we have grown to love more. I also had an opportunity to propose something to the BOTW universe that it may have never seen before. Mixed race characters are often missrepresented and underrepresented and it just happened to be a plot driver in my comic. I am a mixed kid and have found adversity in areas of my life that I felt I at least could use for a bit of authenticity for Anya from myself.

And I haven’t come up with a ship name haha, I am new to this so any recommendations are great. I am surprised I didn’t think of one but I guess I wasn’t expecting people to get interested ^_^ It’s a lovely surprise.

These are some pics from my comic “Lost Memories” that I post on my Deviant Art pg. ♥️

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

Hmm bear with me, for a second. I am just speculating and going only by songs and her public appearances.

But I think more than fame and money, Taylor was looking for approval as a serious artist since rep. What I mean is till Rep Tour/Lover she was stuck with her old formula and that meant being an A-Lister and maintaining that status quo. She was someone who is always out and about with other A-listers and in the most prominent of parties. She was everywhere and with people just as rich and famous. But doing that just wasn’t working anymore. Because she was praised by the art snobs only when she did lowkey stuff like acoustic performances, collaborations with Gary Lightbody or The Civil Wars. And these were the people whose criticisms really gained steam because they had art cred and people who gassed their opinions up.

Maybe it was old juvenile insecurities back then and that she had to be the most famous and most “accepted”. When she was accepted by mainstream celebs but saw scepticism from critics and makers and enjoyers of “cool indie records” she switched gears because Taylor is almost always running around to make people love her. And this is not speculation, she has said so many times that she does do stuff for validation.

She prides herself on being a songwriter and lyricist and that is what we love about her and being mainstream didn’t let her use “big words”. (Like come on swifties go gaga over words like matinee, machiavellian, and joked about needing dictionaries for evermore and folklore. I know there are many POCs in the fandom but it’s not like we don’t know English at all.) But my point is, Taylor wanted to be a cool indie record person now that she was as famous as one can be. No one can take away that from her - for better or for worse.

She now hangs out with HAIM sisters, is around boygenius, Stella McCartney, PWB - famously cool artists. In Paris she makes it a point to say “somewhere the culture is clever”, in The Lakes she wants to be where “the poets went to die”. But everyone doesn’t have to be a “cool” artist and this act on Taylor is so-

Because she doesn’t interact with her fans like these people, can’t price her tickets like them, can’t voice her political opinions and campaigned like a director for a glorified music video. She did a cameo in Amsterdam for some reason???

And maybe that’s why she liked Joe and the privacy- that somehow she was being cooler. She liked him because he had a normal grounded life but was still an artist, he had “honour” and was in cool indie films by choice.

But we are seeing her circling back to her old self with the re recordings now that the money is coming in and people love her again, Taylor just doesn’t feel authentic the way she felt since Rep. And I just want to enjoy her music but as a swiftie I really am not able to do that because of her mind games. And she knows she plays mind games with us, her joking about easter eggs, her saying she lurks and sees, leaving hints everywhere is to keep us hooked. Folklore, Evermore could have been a great pivotal turn, but they were just that because now she was “in” as a cool artist and even more famous.

Sigh. I hope this is just a phase - for me, I don’t like not liking Taylor. I would still go to war if someone said something about her, but she does need to be honest, she has been vague her entire career and for once I’d just like some honesty.

These are such interesting takes, anon! I don’t agree with all of this but I’m posting hoping more people will chime in with their thoughts :).

I will say that the re-recordings and Midnights wouldn’t have been half as respected/successful/well-regarded as they are now if they hadn’t been preceded by folkmore. I love those two albums as much as the next person, but I hate that it really took two “serious” albums for people to take her seriously. I have a friend who’s a big Phoebe fan and he never gave Taylor the time of the day until she released folklore. He loved that album and pointed out that seven sounds like a Joni track.

Imagine if she’d released Vigilante Shit or Bejeweled after Lover… c’mon.

Now, Taylor is also clearly a fan of indie cool music and old movies. She’s showed us that repeatedly. She’s much less “pop” in her personal life than she is in her music, imo. But, at the same time, I agree that for the longest time she maybe was a bit insecure about certain stuff (the fact that she made fun of the “adult” books Jake read and the “adult” music he listened to says it all…).

It’s very complex, but… she did folkmore because she threw all her formulas away and she wanted to bare her soul, BUT also because she wanted to be taken a bit more seriously. But I also think that in her personal life she’s more “indie and cool” than she lets on (except for the fact that she watches true crime, which I hate).

But it sucks because people weren’t taking her seriously, and she’s a SERIOUS songwriter, a literal genius! I’d go insane if people weren’t taking me seriously because of the themes I sing about even though my songwriting is godlike… I imagine that’s how Jane Austen must feel too, I’m her tomb, since so many people disregard her books as “romance novels” as if she isn’t one of the most innovative writers the world has ever witnessed.

Taylor wanted to sit with the cool kids because she is a cool kid, for what concerns her work and her talent, but they weren’t letting her.

[beesmygod]

i think u scared off the liberal

good. i'd be lying to say it didnt get under my skin because even adam noticed it lol. if only it were as simple as "white artist bristles when confronted about a depiction of race" instead of "a frequently hammered nerve was struck involving things anon has no context for, intentionally". grrr growl!!! i tried to talk about this with other people and then pussed out bc i realized no one cares but me. so at least i can ramble about it on my own space.

long post ahead sorry~

even putting my neurosis aside, from where i'm standing, anon's overt discomfort with a depiction of an ethnicity or race involving the use of vernacular is some real fucking bird-brain shit. anon reads "huckleberry finn" and runs off to the library to have it banned for racism lol. like, we're talking that level of intellectual cowardice that turns tail and hides when made merely uncomfortable. anon subscribes to the school of thought that being mean and making me feel bad are the worst crimes someone could ever commit. if i want to be really mean, i think anon has never spoken to another latino person outside of a service worker context.

and like, i understand the initial bristle when confronted with it. it's not as though phonetic accent writing or vernacular usage can't be invoked for racist reasons. but you would literally have to try very hard to read jack, white man for hire, as anything other than the explicit butt of the joke. the latinas poking fun at his discomfort lol wait holy shit i just realized life imitated art. am i a secret genius after all......? (no)

here are the pages in question: i asked people on twitter what they thought but ofc that way i still only hear from people who are likely to ostensibly agree with me. (click for full)

lol i just realized i missed an overlay layer on the third page. i should fix that.

this is a webcomic with almost, if not more than, 800 pages so some context: white spikey hair boy (jack) is from corpus christi, texas, a city on the gulf of mexico VERY close to the border. jack was always supposed to be from texas bc its a state i have some cultural understanding of. my dad grew up there. my dad is mexican-american. i am bi-ethnic. tri-ethnic, i guess, since the italian/irish half had a massive influence on me growing up as well.

the ladies are members of maxine's (the other protag's) witch coven. these women don't dress like this on a day to day basis (the one in the poncho might since she's a curandera, anyway), the outfits are like uhhh special occasion stuff. its your witch outfit. red bow is wearing like a day to day version of the traditional oaxaca outfits and has her hair pulled back in a traditional braid. the other is wearing just normal shit but with a traditionally patterned (or as much as i could bear to draw) poncho. the egg cleanse is a basic brujeria technique that like, every mexican family knows of at least lol. poncho is cutting the bad airs away, like in this video of a limpia.

the spit is my favorite part of all the limpias lol. WATER CANNON

all of this is just shit i know from growing up. i had to ask help on the spanish bc mine is a double whammy of being both terrible AND non-conversational (i learned all mine in textbooks ( ._.)) but the spanish code-switching to shit talk is how real people behave lol. i know this, because family and friends do it.

i take the character writing of this stupid comic more seriously than it probably deserves. i wanted to make sure it felt authentic and like these were "real" characters. having a world where the only people with personalities are the protagonists leads to a universe that feels flat and empty. a cardboard world. when i was able to use the women from a culture i know as a way to advance the plot, it was a small blessing lol. whew.

i dont really know how to talk about how this relates to me more in depth without compromising my belief that i have a right to privacy when it comes to my personal life lol. my entire existence exists on edges and borders that should not matter to anyone but me; but these details (ethnicity, race, sexuality, gender, etc and so on and you know) have a tendency to become the sole factor through which people view your work, your potential, and the expectations they begin to develop for you. currently, i think the expectations people have set for minority creators fucking sucks and i am relieved not to be a part of the ecosystem that rewards mediocrity and poor quality with accolades and purchases. looking at you, YA fiction and webtoons!!!

quite frankly: the more details people have about your life, the more they are able to scrutinize your authenticity based on their own biases (as the original anon did lol) or whether or not you are "deserving" of the descriptors that you are open about or accumulate over the years. i already have enough problems with this on my own directed at myself. i dont need input from the peanut gallery about my identity when its something ive struggled with and continue to struggle with my entire life.

i am not interested in bothering minority creators with my crybaby shit about how i feel alienated. i don't want inclusion to their groups centered around their unique and more specific experiences out of obligation when i realize the non-minority halves of me have also had massive influence on my upbringing and my beliefs. i dont like having to debates whether or not i am ____ enough to qualify for appearances on lists or databases or awards so i don't bother with any of it. i just want to grill for gods sake

anyway idk. im mad but i also realize a lot of my mad comes from offline baggage that no one is privy to on purpose so i have a hard time gauging how people will read how i write things. but bc i keep it tight to the chest i guess that invites random anons to speculate reasonably that i've transformed into a racist overnight bc they read a character say a double negative. dipshit. fucking moron

anyway

[mocha-mochii-blog]

Why we miss hyyh so much

The 2015-2016 (Most beautiful moment in life up until you never walk alone) music videos contain so much backstory and lore to theorise about

The narrative and conceptual styles felt so meaningful like a fictional movie and artistic expression.

I do think that after the bbmas in 2017 BTS shifted their concepts and subject matter to be more about their audience and relationship to their fans. It became more about being an army than appreciating the art (no matter how much I still love them)

I can tell they each still have this capacity for depth of expression and creativity with the ability to be authentic and make really good art. I just hope they can have the space away from the industry, the ideas that come with being a boyband, and the fans that can be really difficult to ignre

In their 9th anniversary dinner video, the boys talked about how they had run out of creative inspiration due to being so busy and overworked. This was mosty what namjoon and yoongi said because they have historically been behind a large proportion of the songwriting and conceptual drive for the band.

I feel like if BTS get a proper real break, they can live their lives and read more books and see more art and find more inspiration personally. They just seem so burned out right now and it makes me sad because I love them so much. Being treated like a product for quick consumption must be really hard to deal with when you're a whole human with so much depth and talent and and thoughtfulness.

Without rambling about my full analysis of the hyyh storyline and how special it is

The style of that era is deliberately nostalgic and wistful, with themes like the idea of youth, passing time, being forever changed by events in our lives.

They created a nostalgia for the present at the time. And now that it is in the path, and feels further away the nostalgia has become true, and now we really ae yearning for the most beautiful moment in life not to be gone

Although I like how they assured us that the most beautiful moment is yet to come. Their proof album gave me a lot of hope (jhope) that in the future they will return to whatever magic was happening during hyyh and wings.

There have been exceptions since like black swan and fake love, but despite how proud I am of them, there's still this twinge of tragedy to their irreversible fame.

Because they didn't have to break through into superstardom to be loved and fulfilled.

It feels like JHope tackles this feeling I his new album Jack in the Box. Where he talks about his explosion into fame like pandora opening a box. You get so curious and then let out so much bad that cannot be put back in the box. It cannot be undone. But she also released the butterfly of hope, that reassures me that they are not giving up on being authentic.

Sidenote: I'm a musician too and I've heard people in the music industry talk about how even though a catchy basic song might reach more people (take dynamite or butter) it's the genuinely good, high quality and well-made music and art that reaches people's hearts and creates loyal fans.

[sakurangelll]

Hi,how are you? I hope all is well🩵. May I have a personal reading? Nickname: Kennee , pronouns: she/her. And I would like to have a reading on my future children personality. Thank you 😊🪽. I look forward to giving feedback!!!

✫・.・ Personal reading ・.・✫

Hi angel ♡ tbh I feel so happy lately, thanks for asking I hope you are well too ❀ tysm for sending your question!

cards -> six of coups, five of swords, ace of swords, the judgment, eight of pentacles, five of coups and ten of swords

First of all I pictured a little boy, it doesn’t mean that it’s a boy, it could simply mean that your future child projects a masculine energy, but to make all this more "easier" to read, I’m going to use the pronouns he/him if it’s okey with you :)

Your future child is a rockstar! Haha, he has such a unique personality

The little boy I pictured was sitting on a toy motorbike for babies, he was wearing sunglasses and a red and gray cap and the song that says “they see me rollin” was playing, like he was in his moment to shine haha

While I was shuffling the cards in the background the song "Kool kids" by Maneskin was playing and with that song I could feel all his energy and personality, he will be so liberal (he will not be conservative at all) he will be very authentic in his ideas, this perception of fighting for rights is very strong and important for him. The way he will think/his ideals in life reminds me a lot of how Hobie Brown thinks ( the spiderman character) I heard: “I don't believe in the government”

I asked for a celebrity who had a similarity to his personality and immediately thought of Jin from BTS (I also thought of Alex Turner but from my perspective Jin resonates more) His personality is very similar to Jin's because Jin is so spontaneous, he's extremely funny, he can literally make a joke out of everything, he's sarcastic, Jin doesn't care if people don't laugh at his jokes, as long as he likes his own jokes, everything is fine, you don't know what Jin's next move will be, and everything I just said, your future child has it in his personality. Jin can also be a bit dramatic at times, your child will be like that too. He won't care what other people say

I feel that he can be that type of child who tells you super random facts about super random topics or topics that you have never discussed with him before, past lives? reincarnations? I heard this: “like mom, do you remember when I used to live in France?” (that was so random haha)

Another thing that reminds me a lot of his personality are the songs from the 90's and the early 2000's, specifically the raps, songs with the same vibe as the artist 50 cent. Maybe he will really like songs from that specific era.

This part of the song “Video games” by Lana del Rey "heaven is a place on earth with you" I felt it as a message from him to you, I felt a very beautiful energy when I heard that part of the song

Fine China by Chris Brown ☆ Power by Little Mix ☆ Go go by BTS ☆ Kool kids by Maneskin ☆ Hello you by Arctic Monkeys ☆ Gang over you by Brent Faiyaz ☆ Ice ice baby by Vanilla Ice ☆ Always on my mind by Brandy ☆ Video games by Lana del Rey ☆ You know how we do by Ice Cube ☆ Hey ya by Outkast ☆

Important things of this reading -> the number 5 and the number 32 seems to be important, 222, 90’s music, r&b and rap, “punk”, motorcycle, planet Pluto, Eminem?

It was a pleasure doing your reading, I hope you enjoy it!

𓏸 ~ Sakura 🧚‍♂️

[heartsleevemag]

A Journey of Self Discovery: A Conversation with Deadbeat Girl

Photos by Jada Solèy Rodriguez

For many artists, music serves primarily as catharsis, a way to explore your experiences and express what you’ve learned. Deadbeat Girl, also known as Val Olson, is no stranger to this. They released their new catharsis-infused EP What Will It Take? last Friday, crafted over Olson’s coming of age and serving as a soundtrack to it.

As a queer person growing up closeted in South Florida, it makes sense that Deadbeat Girl wrote their debut EP from a personal perspective, using the process of writing, recording, and producing to work through their experiences. “Music is definitely my number one outlet to process my emotions. No better way to articulate the way I feel in certain situations than with both lyrics and sounds to evoke emotion,” they shared with Heartsleeve. “In South Florida I was extremely repressed, and even when I felt like I was being authentically myself, I hadn’t even reached my full potential because I had no queer people around me to introduce me to different ways of self-expression.” As part of their creative process, Olson moved to New York City, and they shared that it exposed them to a community and allowed them to discover more about themselves. “After moving to a place completely free of judgment with so much artistic influence, I have expanded my artistry in so many ways when it comes to my sound, artist image, physical appearance, and even the way I approach things as a person outside of my music. I write with so much more honesty, artistry, and unapologetic authenticity.”

We asked Deadbeat Girl why they chose What Will It Take? for the title of the EP. Their answer? “I originally saved it in my phone as a tattoo idea. I really resonate with it because I consider myself someone who’s very driven when it comes to things that I care about and at the start of my career that quote felt important. I changed the quote from “what would it take,” to “what will it take,” because that one word change felt more willing and eager. When coming up with the EP title, I then remembered the quote and I felt like it was very true to how I was feeling at the time.”

What Will It Take? opens with “Take Me Home,” which immediately feels open and vulnerable, a preview of the authenticity that Deadbeat Girl strives for. Olson sings about relying on another person for her sense of safety – “When I see you, all I feel is bliss,” they confess – while acknowledging the attachment might not be healthy. It holds a self-awareness that stays present throughout the EP. Olson has cited Girl in Red as one of their influences, and it’s apparent with this kickoff that they’re interested in that same kind of rawness with the audience. The following song, “She Loves Me,” continues this theme, up-front lyricism discussing two sides of a relationship Deadbeat Girl can’t help but compare. The layered guitar melodies blend well with Olson’s vocals, creating a serenity that makes the lyrics feel even more unsettling. The self-awareness is back in full force, Deadbeat Girl finding herself in a relatable situation: to stay, or to go?

“She Loves Me” flows seamlessly into the next track, “These Walls.” The vocals take a backseat to the instruments in this one, a muted echo adding to the despondency felt in the lyrics. “I grew up feeling like I could never be myself,” Olson shared when discussing the track. “I was violently closeted through high school. When I did have a relationship and people found out, I got so much shit for it. It was a nightmare.” The lyrics reflect Olson’s experiences – “Feeling trapped inside these walls, does anyone understand me at all?” she asks, letting the audience feel and understand that hopelessness. The repetition in the chorus only adds to it, making the listener feel trapped in the cycle. But there’s always someone who’s on your side, and Olson explained to Heartsleeve who that was for them.

“At the end of “These Walls,” you hear a voicemail of my guy best friend from home. The song has aged interestingly… the voicemail was originally supposed to be a female voice, but I ended up getting him to do it because I was scared of raising suspicion. I did not know that by the time I would be releasing it that I would be out to the world and to the people around me. Additionally, it’s funny because he is my ex-boyfriend who I dated two years prior to making the song (before I knew I was fully queer). Having him do it was also very true to the situation at the time because, just like I talk about in the message of the song, I was extremely closeted and he pretty much saved me at that point in time. We rekindled our friendship two years after our breakup, I came out to him before I came out to anyone at my school, and he was there for me at the really difficult point in my life that I wrote about in my EP.”

Acknowledging the pain will pass seems to be a theme on the EP, as the next track, “Another Day,” expresses blame and heartache, but is clear that “Life is worth the living.” The lyrical changes in the first and second chorus make the song more hopeful as it progresses, and as the heaviest song on the EP it feels punk-inspired and defiant. The last song, stripped back “More” could not be more different in tone, but holds a similar theme of putting yourself first; it discusses falling in love with someone you can never have. “I’ll let you go, I guess I’m better off alone,” Olson sings, asserting that even though the experience hurts, it’s for the better.

If you’d like to listen to What Will It Take?, you can stream the EP wherever you listen to music. If you’d like to keep up with Deadbeat Girl, you might want to follow them on Instagram, as they’re keeping pretty busy. “I’m celebrating my EP release by booking shows for the first time and by spending time with my close friends and family,” they shared with Heartsleeve. “Up next, I am working hard on developing my next project, promoting my music, booking shows, and honestly anything to put myself out there.” We’re excited to see what Deadbeat Girl has in store, and to witness where their journey of self-discovery leads them next.

[razrbomb]

Sleepless nights over homogenic... a drabble.

— IT’S BEEN A WHILE since Reze used the money she earned at her part-time job for her own personal pleasure, &. not only for some basic necessities; a kind patron gave her a very generous tip, unusually generous, giving her enough cash to buy a CD she has wanted for a while. It was the latest release from one of her favorite artists — an Icelandic singer that has earned critical acclaim for her experimental approach to electronic music — an artist she discovered the moment she was granted the freedom to explore the city, on unfamiliar territory, with her first spot being the local record store close to where she worked. She has always dreamed of owning a CD-player, a simple objective that didn’t require much or take long to achieve.

Now in the comfort of her room she lies in bed, getting cozy before she hits ‘play’, shutting her eyes as she gets whisked away by liminal music &. harsh industrial sounds. Shutting her eyes, forgetting, desperately trying to forget, where she currently lie — always aware of the surveillance camera pointed squarely where she slept; always aware of her objective, a reminder to always perform, stripped from any semblance of an authentic self. She exhales, letting out a deep breath, &. she folds her hands over her chest.

For the most part, she enjoyed the record an okay amount — nothing to write home about, having enjoyed previous releases more. Mostly because she failed to completely shut off from the world, cognizant of her current environment, her thoughts, her feelings, the messy tangle of what any of that means as she struggled to put any of that into words, into a cohesive idea in its failure to be expressed. She felt nothing. Completely numb. All this yearning, &. this turned out to be a disappointing purchase.

That is, until the final song. An ode to love. The music begins with a slow crawl, a total quiet, taking its time to truly begin — with sweeping synths &. beautiful harpsichords — before the gentle crooning of the singer takes center stage.

She dives headfirst into the water, crystal blue surrounded by sunlight from above. She holds her breath, but the air bubbles leaves her nose. She can finally breathe. She is at peace. Finally alone.

Then, suddenly, another figure swims towards her, swimming close-by yet unable to reach her. There was not a hint of malice from this figure, nor any threat felt from their presence; so, she is relaxed, curiously watching as she stays afloat beneath the water. But, still, she remains on-guard, guarded with her hands, closed into fists, over her chest. &. Slowly, gradually, this figure begins to take form, a familiar form of a boy. ‘A boy...’  There was no denying the form this figure soon resembled in her mind’s eye. He was happy to find her, a pure ecstasy that cannot be faked or replicated, baring sharp teeth through a toothy grin. He calls out to her, relieved. With great reluctance, fighting with herself, struggling to fight back against these newfound emotions, she relents &. smiles back at him. Genuinely. Swept up by the emotions locked within the vast expanse between her ribs. The song continues to build, buzzing in her ears. A crescendo. A binaural mantra that repeats the truth of this world: All is full of love. She wraps herself around him, her limbs enclosed around him — his waist confined by her legs as her hands rest behind his neck —  the warmth of his skin connected with hers; &. he does the same to her, wrapping his arms over her shoulders. Vulnerable &. bare. His gaze soft without scrutiny, pulling her deeper into their embrace. She never felt attached to anyone; never felt any iota of emotions towards anyone. Until this moment. The longer she stared, falling &. falling, the more she wanted to drown, sinking further as she stared into deep pools of light brown eyes, kind &. reassuring. Her hand brushed his messy bed of blonde hair before pulling him closer, closer, only mere inches apart. A short gap between her breath &. his lips that dared to be closed.

&. Then the song fades. It fades away to nothing. There is nothing.

&. She is alone. Barren. Aware of the vast empty space that surrounds her as her eyes shoot open, grounded back to the reality of her lonesome.

Except Reze is never alone. The blinking red light that stares back at her a reminder of the company she is never truly free from. She turns to her side then, a position she hardly ever, if at all, sleeps in; &. she plays the final song again, transporting herself to a different place, far far away from here.

‘Take me there...’ Beneath the water without the fear of drowning.

[throne-for-queens]

No one is pressed about you enjoying the show/ day or all his success. It's how she can never win with some of you guys.

Firstly you accuse her of stealing his limelight by her mere presence which is such a dumb argument. She is super famous and ppl are bound to talk about her when she is at his event, but u make it sound like that's her mistake. It's as if she needs to hide her identity & her existence or be a mute robot for y'all to accept her. How dare she wear a sensational dress at his event or how dare she speak her mind. I mean why are u so insecure about his talent.

Secondly, they started this relationship when he didn't even blow up like he has now, so it's a bit self serving argument that she exploits his success. The pettiness is you'all shading her subtly at every opportunity. You claim to not care abt her but spend enough time micro analysing or criticising her every move.

Thirdly, if she has been there for him for the past 2 years she is as much part of his life & this movement as some of you claim to be. Don't make it an 'EST' vs 'her' kinda situation. Ironically it's everyone stands together when u can't even stand with his wife.

Lastly, for Kells to thrive as an artist he needs to lead a full life . On countless occassions he has said she has been the light that gives him life & allows his growth or that she reignited his passion for music or inspired him to be a better person. You dismissing/brushing aside her role in his life as if she is some replaceable or irrelevant personality is both disrespectful & disingenuous.

I'm going to try to give some kind of background to this whole thing. Initially when megan and Colson got together is when the bloody valentine music video came out. Colson's career wasn't where it is now but he was definitely on a continuous upward walk to his success. Megan, even though her career was stagnant was always a household name. I've never insinuated that Megan didn't have her own before him, and that Colsons team didn't use her in some sort of way to garner publicity. The person who placed Megan on a pedestal was Colson. He was the one who focused a lot of attention on her and shared a lot of his winning moments with her.

● I will admittedly say that once he put his relationship on center stage, I thought it was a mistake.(Besides the lack of privacy and having to answer to the media.) Now when he takes her to his winning moments or has big moments, she has managed to overshadow quite a few events by simply being Megan fox, which is annoying and unfair to the poeple who got him to those events.

● For those who want him to be recognized for his success, it built anomisty with some fans towards Megan, because it felt like the moments that she did a pap walk or talked to the press could have been withheld. One particular example, was at an award show with the whole daddy says thing, he won and award that night and all people talked about was her comment. She can't control people who come to his concerts and chant her name, so that isn't her fault.

●Her comments have caused issue quite a few times with est because they have come off condescending, backhanded or she just over shares. I can't answer for everyone but those are some of the reasons why I haven't been her biggest fan in this relationship.

●Her clothing is not my business, but I don't even feel like it's her style, it's Maeves. I've known Megan fox for a long time and she was always oversexualized in movies, but in real life dressed like every other girl I knew. I think the style is...eh, because it doesn't even feel authentic, seems like the clothes wear her instead of the other way around but I digress.

●Like everyone else on this planet, I have an opinion, I'm not a confession page or fan page so my opinion isn't fact. But sometimes people ask for my take on some of the things I've witnessed and I say what I feel. Megan just so happens to be more on my page because people are anticipating a break up because of her absence. Everything I say now is based off pure speculation, just like I do with everything else. If you scroll down my page I do that with my shows, movies, and even Colson.

●She can be apart of his movement, not debating that. But when I say that, there is an obvious difference in simply being in it and pouring into it. She pours into her fiance romantically, and supports him, but I don't recall her doing anything for EST. Maybe it's been behind the scenes, who knows, but the founders of the movement and those who have been pouring into it were the ones who deserved to shine yesterday. Not saying she couldn't have been there though, for her own reasons she wasnt.

●I dont hate Megan, never have. The only movies I watched with her in it was transformers. Never thought she was ugly or any of the sort. Her comments have always been weird but it didn't mean much because she wasn't talking about any one in particular. But now her comments are centered around someone who is truly admired and dare I say idolized by many. They will micromanage her words and get defensive if she comes off like she is condescending or mean to Colson. It's the same case of selena and Justin bieber back in the day, at this point I'm convinced it just comes with the territory

High key wish you just messaged me, because this is long🥲 but ill continue...

●Her role in his life will always be there no matter what people say. She has already made her imprint. The only person who can change that is colson and megan if they decided to part ways. Everyone is replaceable, she is not the exception but I have never not recognized her as his fiance. I'm not saying "not my EST queen" (even though i gave that crown to his daughter long time ago) or whatever people are saying to not acknowledge her. She isn't my fiance, she is Colson's therefor she has little to no affect on me in real life.

●Colson is free to be in a relationship, I honeslty wish nothing but good, romantic love in his life. But people will worry about him in that aspect because they have seen the worst with Heidi and the heartbreak he's experienced with past lovers. So, people are just cautious. Are there people who hate anyone he's with without cause, yes! Absolutely! But that isn't everyone's case with Megan and even though she has been with him for two years, it doesn't excuse her from criticism. From what I've seen everyone in EST gets criticized, minus his daughter, I've seen it happen to all of them. Dre, dub, ashleigh, you name it, they do something shady, they get called out💁‍♀️

● I hope I answered all of your points and hope there's more insight but again I'm not a confession page just one random individual on the internet with opinions. I understand that you want to protect megan, she has been through quite a bit of criticism in Hollywood. But she has decided to be with someone who has been through some of the worst bullying and peformative hating I've seen in Hollywood, he's protected and loved by EST and EST is very defensive when it comes to him.

[kimranmalhi]

Final Evaluation

The aim of this project was to apply the skills and techniques we learnt and refined from the previous projects in order to visually communicate a narrative that inspired us to utilise our creativity. We needed to choose a focus that we felt passionate about and what engages us to research and develop a final piece on. I was first conflicted when choosing my topic for this project. I hadn’t thought about what direction I wanted to take with this project and the freedom to choose was a bit overwhelming. I initially made a rushed decision of choosing murder mystery which is something I enjoy, however when I thought about it further I wasn’t inspired to create anything from this and it didn't feel very personal. When I gave it more thought, I realised I wanted to look at my role model, my favourite person which is my grandmother. She has had a big influence on my life because she raised me while my mother was working and she has taught me so much. It has been 5 years since she passed and dedicating this project to her meant so much to me as it's a way for me to honour her memory and pay tribute to her through my work.

I took primary images from my grandmother photo’s that I had on my phone and physical photographs. I gathered her Id some objects that I had in order to inform my work for this project. I also asked my aunt and mother for more imagery and items of my grandmother to develop my project. As this is a personal project about my grandmother I needed a lot of primary imagery to work from as I couldn't rely on secondary imagery because this was a more personal response. However I had a lot of pictures and belongings to work with so this was fine and I had a lot of imagery to explore.

While researching for this project I explored various things like the psychology behind relationships especially maternal relationships and how caregivers have stronger bonds with children. From this I learnt a lot about the attachment theory and I gained a better understanding of why my bond with my grandma was so strong and influential to who I am today. Along with this I also looked at artists and designers who have used motherly figures in their artwork and have explored these relationships in their work and how they have done this. I looked at the artist Frida Kahlo who has exploded various themes with family being one of them. Her work features a lot of hidden meanings and symbolism and there is probably more that only she knew and I found this interesting and inspiring. I wanted to have these little key elements that made the piece feel more personal and authentic. I also found Chino Otsuka’s work highly inspiring especially her work called "Imagine finding me" which features digitally inserted images of her adult self into her childhood photos, prompting us to reflect on time, memory, and identity. When working in the style of her, I found it to be a deeply fulfilling experience. These artists really helped inform and inspire me to create my own personal response and how I can create a piece that pays homage to a loved one and ways that I can make it more personal.

During my initial experimentation I tried some new techniques like dyeing with procions on a plain screen and exposing screens. This was fun and interesting as I had never tried this way of printing and it was very exciting and freeing. We also tried macrame and felting with the machine and this was different and intriguing to experiment with. However I found it difficult to effectively communicate my designs through these mediums as I couldn't get much detail and my work felt scattered.

After the initial research of my signature project, I explored various way to approach my work through this module. I delved into my grandmother's past by exploring her old photographs, clothing, hobbies and memories. However, as the project progressed, I realised that my research was too broad and scattered, making it difficult to create a cohesive response. As the project carried on I needed to refine and refocus my narrative. So I decided to focus on my grandmother's belongings and objects that held sentimental value to her. By incorporating these items into my project, I aimed to create a more meaningful and personal response that reflects my grandmother's life, legacy and what she meant to me. By incorporating these personal effects into my work, I aimed to showcase the story of each object; a story that intertwined with the journey of my grandmother’s life. These objects, which are seemingly normal to an outsider, hold a world of meaning and memories for me. I wanted to explore this refined narrative through print and embroidery and use this to create a wallpaper showcasing this story. So then I started to looked at interiors and wallpaper artists and companies and the books print & pattern by Bowie Style was very useful and helpful with exploring designs and layouts effectively. This helped me understand pattern layouts more and what I liked so I could try these in my own work.

While printing tried various techniques from linocut to monotypes however I tried a new heat transfer technique that worked really well with my motifs and I was able to create successful prints that I could scan in and work into. I think out of all of them those where the most successful they captured the detail in my drawing style perfectly and I enjoyed the effect it created. I also got chance to explore hand felting which I really enjoyed. I am very happy with the felting motifs they capture my grandmother’s objects in a new light and I like the texture of the fibres and how they combined together to create my piece. I was surprised at how these outcomes came out despite never having tried this technique. But I liked how it communicated my grandmother’s objects and gave it a cartoonish effect. It is quite different from the prints and it felt like they were coming out from the page and it will be nice to go along with my wallpaper as it has an authentic personal feel and it feels like the objects are coming back to life.

When I started to go digital I faced a lot of challenges that were hard to overcome. I felt that I went digital a little too late as I wanted to experiment with a lot of techniques and I let it bleed into my wallpaper development stage. This led to me not being able to experiment as much online and with wallpaper layouts. I tried combining elements of the objects together by taking apart pieces and playing around with them and adding different textures into the objects. I especially liked how this came out with the cardigans the lace elevated the piece perfectly. For some of the objects texture didn't work as well for example on the clock and the glasses. Texture on these didn't elevate the overall look it instead made it look a bit tacky and the texture overshadowed the print. To add texture to my patterns I tried various mark making techniques experimenting with ink, forks and sponges. I think the zipper prints were successful and I created this into a brush so that it was easier to move around and manipulate. I ended up trying a lot of different photoshop manipulation techniques like filters, defining brush precepts and transformations.

During my initial pattern trials I had issues with my USB and it ended up getting corrupted and I lost a lot of my experiments making my final wallpaper tiles delayed as I had to redothem. I felt really discouraged and disappointed and I found it hard to restart and get back on top from this, as I was really pleased with the lace outcomes and mark making. With my final prints I had minor issues with my backgrounds as they were very similar to one another. I found it really hard to push myself to try other stuff as we were getting closer to the deadline. However I managed to get support from the technicians and they helped push me to go out of my comfort zone with colour and my layouts.

During my initial mark making with the clock and the coin purse I had the idea to create a pattern with my grandmothers objects coming off the centre of the clock symbolising that that even though time continues without her, she remains in my heart. Her belongings still remain present, and this pattern will stand as constant reminder of her memory. To do this I replicated the rim of the clockface and I added the objects around it along with the mark making around it. This was my favorite pattern as it had the meaning, symbolism and story I wanted. I enjoyed how the mark making joined up to create this fluid piece with my grandma’s tattoo in the middle of the pattern. The visual hierarchy of this in the pattern as she was in the middle of the clock with the objects surrounding the objects she gave meaning to. I created a colour pallete along side this for my patterns and my work which was a more muted deep colour scheme as these are the colours she would confine herself in. She was a homebody and lived in homely beiges and greys with the occasional pastels so these are the colours I wanted to incorporate into my work. To further develop this pattern I ended up adding the clock face repeated and resized which reminded me of the cogs of a clock further eluding my work and symbolism I wanted. I used this to fill in the gaps as there was a lot of empty space and I also added texture into the background to add depth and make it less flat. When printing my final prints we experimented with various sizes and testers and I ended up liking scale 25 and 50.

While I was printing for my project I felt conflicted by everyone's opinions. I realised that I had forgotten that this project was my own. Many people were telling me that the pink colour was the strongest option, but I didn't feel like it reflected my grandmother's personality or the colour scheme I had used throughout the project. In the end, I trusted my instincts and changed the colour at the last minute. I'm much happier with the outcome, and I've learned the importance of not disgarding my own opinion. Overall despite facing a lot of challenges, I believe I have used the techniques and mediums we have learnt from previous modules effectively to present my own narrative. I have learnt a lot from this project and I believe that I have created a piece that my grandma would be proud of. For the final exhibition, I want to display my wallpapers on hangers and my motifs on a string for the final exhibition. This reflects the progression of my project, from the original objects to the prints, and finally to the felt motifs. It symbolizes the development and evolution of my work and showcases how things change over time. I would also like to put a picture of my grandmother on the board in the middle. As a part of the visual hierarchy of the page as she is what inspired this work and this project is for her. I initially said I wanted to incorporate these personal effects into my work, aimed to showcase the story of each object; a story that intertwined with the journey of my grandmother’s life. Despite the challenges I faced, I believe this project was successful and it was very fulfilling and meaningful to dedicate this project to the woman who means the world to me, my grandmother.

[away-ward]

Your response to ask and answered 289 about PD's choice of making Damon and Rika related

"I'm of the thought that Rika and Damon being related served two purposes for PD. One, PD loves walking the line of incest, and the idea of Rika and Damon with their tension (which is sexual), being related was too delicious to pass up. Two, PD loves Michael for being the first horsemen that spoke to them. Damon is their favorite, but Michael was the first and that's special. So while they love the idea of hinting Rika/Damon, they don't actually want people taking Rika away from Michael (also hence why anytime Rika engages with Kai on a physical level, Michael has to be there for it to be okay)."

reminds me of ContraPoints (Youtuber) who talked about twilight, and how stephanie meyer made jacob as renesmee's (bellaedward's daughter) mate because she still wanted to make jacob somehow related to bella, even though bella already got together with edward. So in a way, it's still a win for her, the readers and bella ofc. i don't think that your opinion of this could be so far off, because if it can happen to twilight, why cant it happen to devils night series right? Even the origin of this story and the inspiration behind nichael's name are already questionable, why not just add up the weird shit for the sake of it. That's probably how penelope douglas thinks.

Side note: and recently i saw a tiktok video of penelope douglas interacting with a fan, and omg she's so beautiful!!!!! The impression thati got from her is that she seem very centered, intense and focused. Idk, because i've seen tiktok videos of other authors and PD really did seem different than them, but not in an ovjective good or bad way, but i can definitely tell that this person wrote something crazy. Like when i compare her to kennedy ryan, lauren asher or even sierra simone in events, PD seems like she got an edge? Idk just a vibe? Idk but i kinda like it? Haha, i like it when an author matches the overallvibe of her books. And i like all these authors in different ways, their personality shined through.

btw that tiktok video is from user: devilsreads_

Hey!!

If I remember my twilight years correctly, didn’t SM want to jump from twilight straight to breaking dawn, without giving Jacob the chance to develop? And the editors were like, we need to give that more context? While I didn’t love the imprinting on Renesmee as a whole, I do see how for SM it was a win/win. I am curious if the Rika and Damon situation felt like a win/win to a problem, if it came to them in a stroke of inspiration, or if PD would say it was always planned.

I think PD is very pretty too! I wouldn’t know much to compare their interactions with other authors, but I looked up the tiktok you mentioned and I did like that they seemed to be paying close attention to the fan instead of trying to rush them along.

I think PD’s creativity is authentic to them, and that nothing they’ve written is something they’ve done just because it’s a trend. I also think they’re proud of everything they’ve produced, and while I’m not 100% happy with it, I would never resent them for standing behind their work. They have every right to.

When I’m crying out for them “admit they did wrong”, I’m partly joking. It’s not that personal. But also, on a deeper level, it’s that as a creator and artist, we’re constantly growing. The work I produced five years ago isn’t going to be the same as what I produce today. I should have improved on a technical level, yes, but it’s not just that. I’m a different person with new experiences, and those experiences should affect my creativity. If PD can honestly stand there and say they wouldn’t change a single thing about Nightfall or the series as a whole, that seems weird to me. But there are some people who say they would never want to change anything because it represented who they were then, and that’s fair.

So, then, I guess my question for PD would be “if you were to approach Devil’s Night as a new project today, do you think there would be major changes or only minor ones, or none at all? And if there were some major changes, without asking for too much detail, what would they be?”

Thanks for sharing the tiktok. I’d forgotten they were going to France for a meet and greet, and it’s nice they got some good interactions. Also very cool that it seems like the fan got their copy of nightfall signed.

Thanks for waiting on me! And for the message. It was interesting to read, and I never expected twilight to be brought up!

-KO

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Faith Zapata’s tender new indie-folk single ‘wallet picture song’ begins with smitten love and ends retelling heartbreak at its rawest

Loved by many for her diaristic writing style, the indie folk singer-songwriter Faith Zapata has found herself continually capturing audiences with her tendencies to share what others would keep close. Reminiscent of artists like Lizzy McAlpine and Phoebe Bridgers, Faith continues along the same path with intimate feeling releases and even more personal narratives, connecting herself with a world filled with others’ looking to relate.

Her newest single ‘wallet picture song’ is expressed by Faith as the product of friendship and collaborative efforts across various distances, stemming deeply from her own heart-wrenching experiences while other folks lend their instrumental talents to enable such an emotional takeaway through sound too. At first it’s simply close to the heart, softly unfolding through Faith’s staple acoustic guitar strums, fuzzy and warm while completely fragile and tentative all at once. Her careful vocals float through the gentle atmosphere, lightly carrying into higher notes while her paired-back performance limits the power in her lines, a tender delivery of words that ache as they retell a love now wilted and left in the past: ‘he keeps a picture of me in his wallet, there’s a word for how I feel but I don’t know what to call it.’

Continuing to develop in sincerity with the additions of viola and violin by Emma Bieniewicz, the verse of ‘wallet picture song’ remains private and stripped-down but all the more haunting in its growing developments. From the drawn-out strings, an aching melancholia seeps between the acoustic tones, wistfully reflecting on both the beginning and the end of a relationship. With lines carrying multifaceted meanings, Faith sings ‘how do I know if I have really found the one?’ , at first a line filled with love and yet later a devastating loss to bear. It’s even more agonising to hear as Faith reveals that the first verse and chorus were written at the height of what they had, originally intended to unfold with a brighter, more upbeat strumming pattern that of course lost its spark in the same way as their love did too. This contrast continues into the chorus of course, as the sound hauntingly lingers with a padding of hazy backing vocals, gorgeous strings and lighter guitar, closed out by the line: ‘I’d never felt real love before ‘til I met you.’

From this point onwards, the track shifts in its lyrical retellings, maintaining the same sombre sound but suiting Faith’s words much more understandably. From the admission that ‘he keeps the secrets from me in his pocket, and there’s something I should say, but I’m not ready to call it’, it’s clear that things progressively sunk, at first a fairytale romance but later realising the rose-tinted visions had left her blinded to the lack of trust that had been brewing. It’s still hard to let go of a lover even through these blows though, with Faith’s lack of readiness something we’ve all surely related to at least once, hanging on to something that’s long expired because we cannot face the reality of cutting it loose. Plentiful questions fill her mind as she now asks ‘how could I have been so blind to it, how could I have been so dumb?, blaming herself when in reality it is human to trust and expect the best from someone that supposedly loves us. Filled with the pain and rawness of this entire unexpected breakup, Faith’s lines are some of the most authentic we’ve ever heard, written so clearly amidst her lowest point and resonating with so many for covering it so true-to-reality.

As the chorus shifts to reveal ‘I’ve never grieved the way I did, when I left you’, Faith completely changes the narrative of ‘wallet picture song’ from start to finish, a journey of love and loss quite literally in real time. It’s hard to hear and yet the hurt is what makes it even more moving, offering a familiar tale for anyone finding themselves in the same spot, clinging onto Faith’s words as you pull yourself out of it too. Give it a listen here to really understand what it is this gorgeous single has to offer, as it truly is much more than just a song, embodying parts of herself for everyone to clearly see and understand.

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was supported and created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator.

[w-ht-w]

Emma Watson, interview snippets

Watson opened up on her experience since Harry Potter, saying she decided to go to therapy to sort through her thoughts and feelings of guilt about starring as Hermione Granger in the franchise:

I’m like, why me? Somebody else would have enjoyed and wanted this aspect of it more than I did. And I’ve struggled a lot with the guilt around that. I’m like, I should be enjoying this a lot more, I should be more excited and I’m actually really struggling.”

It’s refreshing to see somebody of Watson’s fame and history given the opportunity to be candid about her experience of the pressures of being in a role with such high expectations from the age of eleven. Whilst the world saw her as Hermione Granger for over a decade, Watson said remaining rooted in her own identity helped her eventually “find peace:”

“I am someone’s daughter. I am my mother’s daughter, I am my father’s daughter, I am a sister. I belong to a family. I come from a place, I have roots. There’s a whole big existence and identity that I have that’s really important and weighted and solid, that has nothing to do with any of that.” (x)

“I never believed the whole ‘I’m happy single’ spiel,” she continues. “I was like, ‘This is totally spiel.’ It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered.”

how do you act natural when you’re on a red carpet and there are people screaming at you from this way and that and you feel so watched and observed? It is an unnatural situation, so it’s very difficult to find a way to be authentic. I find that to a certain degree my body just shuts down. It’s sensory overload—your body goes into a kind of defense mode. People try to have conversations with me when I step off a red carpet, and I can’t—I kind of just go numb and my brain stops functioning. So it’s difficult to find a way to be real, because it’s such an unreal situation. 

"I’m obsessed with being very thorough and very in control and very researched, and so I would only do it if I felt like I had enough knowledge."

I’ve been looking for the perfect script. I’m getting to the point where I’m like, “I just need to write the damn thing myself,” 

For me it’s about knowing that what I have to say, I really believe in. I’m not gonna put anything out there just for the sake of it. I’m trying to find a really confident artistic voice before I put myself out there, because it’s so easy for people to squash you. I want to make sure that what I make is something I really have the goods to back up.

I’ve just been working so much and been so tied up in being so many other identities that it doesn’t feel as concrete or as established yet as I would like it to be. I’m still not quite sure what my message is, what I’m trying to communicate [through my work].

if I have to be in the public eye, I want it to be for something that was worth it.

I’m kind of an introverted kind of person just by nature, it’s not like a conscious choice that I’m making necessarily. It’s genuinely who I am. (x)

[nmiinh]

Compulsory Question 1

In Week 11, we were asked to create a manifesto that sums up Critical Thinking Skills B as a group. Based on each member's shared values, goals and interests, our group manifesto champions the ethos of being Bold, Raw, and Authentic in our creative pursuits. It goes by the name "A Quick Guide to Be Bold, Raw, and Authentic."  We've come up with 10 straightforward "rules," each accompanied by a brief insight. These rules mostly revolve around the common challenges encountered in our early days as designers, explaining how we tackled them and the lessons we learned from those experiences.

Honestly, I'm not entirely content with the outcome. The insights are quite basic and general. I haven't really taken the time to ponder this aspect before, so this is also an opportunity for me to figure out what I want in my work. If given the chance, I'd like to make some changes.

After taking some time to contemplate and engage in self-reflection, I came to the realization that these common problems are shared not just by myself but also by most of my colleagues. These are some valuable lessons I've gained from this journey.

The only enemy is yourself.

Remember, everyone follows their own timeline, so comparing yourself to others doesn't help. It's like a two-edged sword – useful for figuring out where you stand, but be careful not to overdo it. Instead, measure your progress against your past self, not others. This not only keeps things healthier mentally but also makes success more personal and tailored to your journey.

2. Be kind to yourself.

Have you ever felt that, despite making numerous changes, you're never quite satisfied? It's likely because you have good taste. I found my answer while stumbled upon some valuable insights from an artist named "nae" on her YouTube channel. She's been generously sharing her learnings from the past few years of chasing her dreams. As the saying goes, "Your taste is why your work disappoints you." There exists a gap between your skills and your refined taste. This creates lofty expectations, especially challenging for beginners. You sense, if not outright know, that there's immense potential within you. The catch is, you might not have acquired enough skills to bring it to life yet. Achieving balance involves persistent practice. One effective method is to mimic until you organically develop your unique style.

3. Trust. The. Process. 

Don't just stay on your bed, envisioning how you'll tackle your work. Rise and engage with something on your computer, even if it seems trivial. Eventually, something will come out, rather than nothing. Take those small steps consistently – that's what builds the bigger picture. Consistency in the small things makes a big difference.

CTS B prompted self-reflection, pushing me to confront questions I'd been avoiding. Following this, I feel more grounded, having a support system whenever stress or confusion arises in this journey. With a relaxed mindset, I anticipate creating better work in the future.

Word count: 495 words

References:

“･ﾟ✧ What 4 years of chasing my dreams ☆ has taught me” YouTube, uploaded by nae, 1 Aug. 2023, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a-EYyTzoUI&list=WL&index=61&t=504s.

“･ﾟ✧ What 4 years of chasing my dreams ☆ has taught me” 09:34–09:39).

[chorusfm]

Katy Guillen and The Drive – Another One Gained

The debut album from Katy Guillen & The Drive is blast of bluesy, guitar-driven rock that hits all the right chords on Another One Gained. The set was masterfully produced by Kevin Ratterman (Heartless Bastards, Ray LaMontagne), and Guillen really steps into the forefront of the mix with a bold swagger in her vocal takes and guitar instrumentation. The band is rounded out by Stephanie Williams (bass, percussion/drums) and Ratterman (who does some occasional keys and programming), and their band chemistry is felt widely in this warm set of songs that wraps the listener in a unique sense of comfort. The album opens with the comprehensive title track that finds Guillen crooning over a bluesy, hard-nosed electric guitar as she sings, “I am coming to terms, you are coming around / Making my peace, finding a sound / Working through guilt for moving forward / While my heart spills over, I’ve never felt more sober / I could never see where this was taking me / Rushing me down / So much energy, just to spit me out / Already spitting me out, spitting me out.” Her well thought out lyrics are poised, yet pointed at the people who may have done her wrong over her life. “Discoloration” was one of the songs to be released as single, and it’s easy to see why. The track features some great, on-point drumming from Williams that hits all the right spots to allow for Guillen to belt out on the anthemic chorus. ”Bottom Of Your Belly” was my personal favorite in the set as it slow-builds to a great, crowd-pleasing hook of, “The pit in the bottom of my belly sinking so low / There’s nothing like a pit in the bottom of your belly, hear it roar / Everybody knows it, everybody knows it,” that bounces along the bass line before exploding into a new wall of sound in the next verse. Other early songs like “Harsh Realization” showcase the depth of Guillen’s vocal range and overall ability to weave a tangled web of intricacy through her lyrics, while “Set In Stone” allows for plenty of space to simply get into the groove of the guitar riffing and rock out. ”Because It’s Blue” seems destined for some form of success on blues radio stations, and sounds like a mix between Joni Mitchell and Janis Joplin. Katy Guillen & The Drive never lose their early momentum on the closing trio of “How To Live,” the heartfelt breaking point shown on “Nothing Comes Close,” and the sprawling, nearly six-minute closer “Different.” With a talent that is undeniable and felt throughout every lyric and hook, Katy Guillen & The Drive have masterfully crafted a debut record that accomplishes everything it likely sought out to be. This authentic album can be enjoyed by audiences who are fans of any genre of music, but blues fans looking for something refreshing will especially be blown away. It’s safe to say that the music world has gained another gem of an artist to watch as this year unfolds. --- Please consider becoming a member so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/reviews/katy-guillen-and-the-drive-another-one-gained/