#because that Is what my brain just did. i thought 'oh i deserve compassion' and my brain said 'but what if that's selfish?' No!!!

[endtimers]

brains are so dumb why cant i forgive myself for being cringe and saying stupid shit at age 18. Get Over Yourself it's not a big deal and it's not a moral failing to be embarrassing

[trips2saturn]

didn’t do last week’s but here it is: TOWL EPISODE 5 SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️‍🔥

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ANOTHER LEGENDARY EPISODE FOR THE TWD HISTORY BOOKS. can we get a round of applause please? 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 yes. great. perfect.

you already know what i’m about to scream about. THE RICHONNE PROPOSAL™️ HELLODHSJDHSKBDJSHSHSSBSBSJEISNS DID I NOT PREDICT IT YES OR NO. YES I DID!!!!! THE RING 😭😭😭 HIS SPEECH 😭😭😭 HIM GETTING ON ONE KNEE AND THEN SHE GETS ON HER KNEES TOO?!?1?2!$:)!/!:/& HER RESPONSE TOO?! SEDATE ME THIS IS ALL I’VE EVER WANTED. imagine thinking we haven’t won the damn lottery with this ship it’s neverrrr over for us i love them i love them so much they’re going home next episode, and we’re going to see the ring on her finger WATCH THIS SPACE ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🥺😁

not even five minutes into the episode and i was being ambushed with both admiration and TORTUROUS PAIN. the cute little callback to 7x12 of them just being on the road, scavenging, surviving, and loving on each other was sooooo cute. rick kissing the back of mich’s hand. DOES THIS SHOW WANT ME TO DO SOMETHING VERY CATASTROPHIC BC I WILL.

BOOM. immediate anguish right after their cutie scene because what does rick do? OH RIGHT HE PULLS OUT THE PHONE OF CARL’S DRAWING AND STARES AT IT SOLEMNLY. CATASTROPHIC THOUGHTS ARE FORMING EXPONENTIALLY LITTLE TUMBLR PEOLLE 😭😭😭❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹😔😔😔😔 i can’t do this anymore no more please. i cried so hard last episode i’m tired brother

that brief scene of rick wanting to bring a gift home for rj. that’s his baby. michonne saying that he’s the brave man, and that just him coming home to them was enough. i need like three days to process this episode it was SOOOOO SOFT

“tasteful noods?” they’re idiots but they’re my idiots. i am also an idiot because just before she said that, i paused the show and read the truck and laughed out loud at the brand. i swear we’re so tethered. michonne and trips, sisters in another universe <3

im not going to sugarcoat anything. idgaf about jadis’s death. in fact, i am celebrating!!!!! will byers is NO MÁS good damn riddance.

ALSO HELLO GABRIEL? i was quite comforted to see a member of the group. those random meetups with haircut were interesting to say the least, especially the kiss because ummm was he not still dating rosita? idk idc i can’t keep up with the timelines anymore it’s not that serious unless it’s rick and michonne

also thank you GABRIEL for the wedding ring, and thanks jadis for giving it to rick. haircut was good for something in the end i guess. doesn’t matter what her ending was, i didn’t feel any reconciliation or compassion. she’s still a piece of shit who stole a great portion of rick’s life from himself and his entire family. burn in the hottest depths of hell. xo!

WAS THAT A PAINTING OF GLENN IN JADIS’S FLASHBACK? IF SO HOW AND WHY IM GENUINELY CONFUSED SOMEONE PLEASE REPLY OR DM ME ASAP

the callback to 6x10?!?!?? spearmint and baking soda?!?! I WAS IN LOVE WITH MY SONS BEST FRIEND!!!!!!!???????? danai and andy took the little richonne file in my brain and STUDIED it to make sure that they filmed every scene that i’ve ever wanted to happen to them. no source just trust me they did it

RICK GIVING MICH A BRAND NEW “M” NECKLACE OHHHHH 😔😔🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 THEYRE SO LOVEBUG. LIKE WOAH OKAY TROY AND GABRIELLA 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭❤️‍🩹 she deserves it so much! and then their kiss inside of the cabin afterwards, and them falling back onto the bed urgsjdvajdbabbs cutie pies!!!!!!!!!!!

every jadis scene pissed me off, so I won’t go into detail too much. you guys know how much i hate her. anyway, michonne using the axe to slice jadis like a cold cut… mother. love her. ALSO her rage when speaking about haircut too, yeah that was the perfect amount of dialogue that i wanted to see from her. her stealing rick’s time of seeing rj’s birth, first steps, etc. UGH. so excellent, you could feel her burning anger in her voice.

all of these callbacks throughout the episode but the best, most important and evident one was the mere fact that they’re a team again. kicking ass, and simply leading each other because that’s what they’re the best at. before any of their romance began, they were trusted confidants who worked so well side by side, and in this episode we got to see and feel the satisfaction and elation of having that back again!!!!!

i felt like i was at a drive thru restaurant ordering the entire episode. can i get some flirting, with a side of ass kicking, and ummm let me get a side of poetic, confessional yearning from rick grimes. yeah, that’ll be all.

rick telling gabriel that he wanted to marry michonne on the bridge. 🥺……. 😡 AND THEN EVERYTHING GOES TO SHIT AFTERWARDS. IMAGINE THE WORLD IF JADIS NEVER KIDNAPPED HIM. THEY WOULD HAVE FOUND HIM EVENTUALLY LIKE HE WAS RIGHT UP THE STREET?? oof — i cannot. we waited so long to hear this admirable dialogue but at what cost. it’s so sad, but at least we’re here now as michonne would say!!!!!

okay. ❤️‍🩹 there’s still so much to unpack but that’s enough out of me for the moment. brain’s still scrambled eggs. last but not least, michonne grimes is the hottest character ever. THE BOXERS?! she looked fucking amazing in every single outfit. if i were rick, i’d be kissing every inch of her neck too HELLO

don’t forget to stream the ones who live episode FIVE 5️⃣ on amc+ and don’t forget to watch it tonight on amc’s channel at 9pm!!!! ❤️‍🔥 so stoked for episode 6. it’s going to be the best one ever. it’s so hard to rank them at this point and i don’t want to either. every episode is better than the last! REAL TELEVISION IS BACK. 🫶🏼❤️‍🔥

[angiethewitch]

If it’s not too invasive, can I ask what onset was like and what meds and therapies you tried in your recovery? Or any good therapy resources? My best friend was recently diagnosed with schizophrenia and she’s got a lot of anxiety surrounding her situation. She also tends to respond weirdly to meds and so far a lot of things just haven’t worked. She’s a very strong, determined person and I do believe that she’ll be okay and be able to get back to regular life at some point. I just don’t want her to feel hopeless about the current situation.

its hard to describe onset because I actually had childhood onset schizophrenia, which is pretty rare. my psychologist had a hypothesis that whatever big red genetic button in my brain that caused the schizophrenia was triggered by trauma in childhood, as stressors have been observed to cause someone predisposed to schizophrenia to have a psychotic break. so it's not easy to describe because I've grown up with it, it's pretty much all I know, I never even knew I was different until I was older. I mean, all kids have imaginary friends, all kids lie, all kids make up wild stories, so I wasn't to know any different and neither was my family. I was actually discussing this with my older sister and we were like oh okay that behaviour in childhood was a fucking symptom.

the therapy process was first rehab, to get sober and clean, to rule out any alcohol or drug induced psychosis. then I was referred to the community mental health team (CMHT) to find out what exactly was Wrong With Me and after a few months they gave me a diagnosis. then it was on to medication and on a waiting list.

now because the nhs, especially the welsh mental health sector, is chronically underfunded, it took 3 years until i finally got therapy. in the meantime I self referred to a local trauma service, who take on patients for free and i had 2 years of trauma therapy. eventually I got a care coordinator who referred me to the acute psychosis intervention team and I was with them for 3 years. I was discharged this summer.

I cant really tell you much about anything I did in the years prior to psychosis therapy. they kept upping and upping my meds, which also acted as a sedative, and studies have shown they can cause neural degeneration, so those few years are a black hole. I barely remember any of it.

however, CBT didn't work. what really helped me was ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy), DBT and my therapist also thought stoicism would work for me. we did values focused therapy which I found very helpful. in rehab I also had resilience training which was very helpful. from everything I've read about shadow work, its a lot like ACT, but I do not recommend it for your friend (or anyone really but especially if youre inclined to psychosis) without medical supervision.

I wish your friend the best of luck and I get the hopelessness - realising I'll have this illness for life and facing societal stigma was almost too much to bear, on top of the constant cycle of relapse and recover, rinse and repeat. but my therapy taught me that yes i have this illness, but I can live with it. it doesn't need removing, just caring for. its a part of me that deserves compassion and acceptance like every other part of me. tell your friend that, she deserves to know she's not a monster and she still deserves respect and compassion, even from herself.

I wish her the best of luck

[ryutarotakedown]

magnus archives! for the ask game

[ask game link] YAYYYYYYYYY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK this got horrifically long so under the cut!

Favorite character: i’d love to say basira but it’s probably melanie. or martin. oh little moth…

Least Favorite character: uhhhh i love all the characters as *characters* but i love to hate elias of course. what a fucking creep they did such a wonderful job with him. 106 and 117 live in my brain constantly & forever

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): FIVE? THERE AREN’T ENOUGH IN HERE FOR FIVE but it’d be what the girlfriends, jonmartin, daisira, basira/melanie, and. hm. hmmm. gertrudeagnes

— oh crap wait i keep forgetting platonic relationships are ships too, okay okay add jon & basira and jon & melanie and jon & georgie in there. not in any particular order but still

Character I find most attractive: im not even attracted to women but. daisy. i didn’t understand the fan reaction until i listened to her voice for the first time (i consumed this podcast almost entirely through transcripts) and went Oh I Get It Now

Character I would marry: georgie easily

Character I would be best friends with: jon or melanie because i love befriending haters you are all so fun

A random thought: i miss them so much. i kept expecting the transcripts to switch to “archive” for jon at some point but they never did which is probably for the best for accessibility reasons but can you imagine. i miss them so much. basira is funnier than people give her credit for. georgie is less funny than people give her credit for and i appreciate her so much for it (don’t be a Stranger!). i miss them so much

An unpopular opinion: hey did you know basira hussain is in the third most episodes total and actually has the second most scenes with jon (she had The Most, period, before martin dethroned her in s5)? did you know? anyway she should be in more stuff and i love her deeply. i also don’t think she actually had double standards for jon versus daisy per se, i think her problem was thinking that guilty people deserve punishment and therefore that daisy’s victims (criminals) were fine while jon’s victims (random people off the street) were not

— this is also why she stops daisy from killing jon in 091, because she’d met him before, he was a human being who cracked jokes, he *couldn’t* be guilty; rather than because killing people is bad

— i also think she knew deep down she was wrong for this considering how she says in the unknowing: i don’t want to hurt you. i don’t want to hurt anyone. and then in s5: of course i care! …that’s the problem

— she had to force down her compassion in order to function well as a police officer and forced herself to believe that it was the right thing to arrest people who did bad things

— reader she was incorrect

— have i mentioned i love her

My canon OTP: jonmartin and what the girlfriends

Non-canon OTP: you cannot tell me basira and melanie didn’t have something going on while jon was in his coma you simply can’t

— melanie was strong and violent and necessary and basira needed someone strong to rely on after daisy even though she could see how miserable melanie was. basira stuffed down all her emotions and became a stone figure and melanie feeling herself being overtaken by rage both aspired to that and hated her for it. they are anchors for each other but false because their usual anchors (daisy, georgie) aren’t here or wouldn’t get it. do you understand.

Most badass character: the admiral

Pairing I am not a fan of: sorry to jon.elias fans i do understand that exploring the Power Dynamics could be fun but i genuinely cannot see any romance in there whatsoever. can’t jon just hate a man in peace

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): hmmmmmmm. not anyone in particular? i think basira’s s5 arc was kind of rushed but i’m not super mad about it. also obviously the racist stereotypes in there (the haans. i mean the haans) but in terms of main cast i can’t think of anyone

Favourite friendship: tim & sasha because i haven’t mentioned them anywhere in this ask and that is a travesty. they’re fun i hope they are kayaking happily together somewhere

[booksandchainmail]

Pale 10.b

In the twilight gloom, small, narrow eyes caught the light peered out of the neighbor’s bushes.  Watching her.

goblin?

“It’s still not going to make me a Dancer again.”

I like the capitalization here: it's not about how much physical ability to dance she regains, but that she's no longer part of the social group

“Don’t lie!” Melissa shouted.  Her eyes barely left the cigarette as her mom’s hand moved, then went back to her mom’s face, making eye contact.  “You never cared!  You never understood what I meant when I was gymnastics level four!  You dropped me off and went to get coffee most of the time!  You don’t know what I lost!  My friends dropped me and they treat me like I did something wrong!”

get this girl out of urban horror and into a sports anime

At the windowsill, a lit, uncrushed cigarette sat with the burning end just off the edge, glowing, a curl of smoke rising.

just monitoring her, or trying to get her caught? Could get her out of Kennet and no longer a problem

“We called a friend,” Lucy said.  “In Winnipeg.  Cheap apartment in an okay building.  In-house counselor.  Some friendly faces.”

Clem? I can't remember if Bristow's building was in Winnipeg, but that's the only housing connection I can think of

“They’re serious.  These are emergency plans for if they die or get kidnapped.  Treat that with the respect that it deserves.”

yeah, I get why Melissa is angry and frustrated no one will tell her anything, but it should be clear Avery and Lucy aren't fucking around with her with how serious they are. Actually, talking with Clem would probably help with the frustration, since she lived with that for decades and knows how bad getting in deeper can be.

Whatever she said next was heard by Louise, Lucy, Avery, and Snowdrop alone, because Lucy threw the cigarette down the road.  The wind picked it up, and it was carried away, through spaces that weren’t Kennet.

oh! I had assumed this was a Melissa interlude, but is it actually Cig? Is this arc going to take us through the various Kennet Others? We've already had John, and Tashlit to close out the last arc.

Good way for readers to take stock of various sides before the conflict breaks out.

He’d moved from America to Canada twenty years ago, for political reasons, and had said he wouldn’t go back until things were in a better place.

wildly curious as to what these politics are. That would be around 2000... could be response to 9/11?

“I’ve been seeing my son in my dreams,” Anthony Wenzel said.  “Was going to say it in group, but it felt stupid. Every night for almost a week.”

Carmine influence in general, or Alpeana?

Melissa waited for a bit, then scrounged under her bed. She pulled out a big blue pill bottle. “They want me to fuzz the brain a bit, forget the supernatural?” she mused, quiet.  “This could work, right?  At least my ankle won’t be twinging.” She tossed back two pills and washed them back with some water.

:|

well that's one way to deal with it

Bound and Sworn to only go after bad cops and corrupt lawyers who drink, which is most cops and all lawyers, in my frank opinion. He has to out them and dismantle the systems they’ve built on his way out.

based

“Only two.  Codeine, I think left over from her ankle.  To fuzz her Awareness and maybe let go of it.”

the question is will this work with only a couple of doses, or if she's going to be permanently keeping herself fuzzy

"Blood everywhere, more aggression.” “We were going to send the goblins out with the compasses tonight, again.”

looks like Verona hid the furs well

“I’ll go.  I’ll leave, I- I meant no insult, I-”

putting a pin in this thought:

The world of practice and Others works according to older rules and ways of viewing the world. It was brought up a few chapters before, in how many realms heavily practice slavery, and I've mentioned in how practice goes through apprenticeship chains and formal Other society functions on fealty.

Here we have it again, where this clockwork Other's response to being stopped from murdering a girl is not guilt over the murder, but worry that doing so in someone else's town is an insult to them.

“I don’t want excuses.  Or apologies.  How can we use you?  Can you find missing things?”

glad to see that losing the furs is a big problem for her

The cigarette lay there, burning in the dirt, amid candles. “Good looking out. Not a word of this to others.”

hmm, so does Cig know about the CB conspiracy? I suppose it would be hard to keep secrets from it... and Edith's wording here makes me hope that most of the Kennet Others are uninvolved

“I love stories,” the man said.  “I write, so it’s great inspiration.  I’ll pay for any you can find.  Real ones, I’ll know if they aren’t real.  Anything spooky, anything weird.”

witch hunter?

“Let him go,” Edith said.  “And very quietly, let’s warn the others who are cooperating with us.  Let him hunt the ones who aren’t.”

fuck.

I suppose that will be something to keep an eye on over the next chapters, who seems to know to be cautious.

[deadmomjokes]

My brain’s tendency to go from an initial idea to something totally different and wildly off-the-rails of the initial scope and premise is both baffling and hilarious. And I swear, it happens every time I try to write something, outline or not.

Pulpy noir murder mystery one-shot but make it urban fantasy >>> dramatic irony laced howdunnit about the saving power of love as a deliberate action and breaking the cycle of apathy by choosing to care, ft double romantic subplots, Southern Gothic Horror but make it magical realism, elves as monstrous instead of ethereal, #acab; wait how did YOU become a main character, you little one-off exposition machine with a placeholder name? guess you need your own set of books now and oops I think I just created a Literary Universe

Chilling backstory of ruthless, manipulative villain from the above >>> Big Gay Tragedy, hero’s fall from grace wherein an angry asexual becomes a literal nightmare monster to save his marginalized people and his BonesMcCoy-knockoff boyfriend, functional commentary on how working within existing power structures to affect change frequently leaves the marginalized in a catch-22 of performative worthiness designed to maintain status quo for those benefiting from the current power dynamic; villain has evolved into tragic Anti-villain/Anti-hero, update initial project to reflect shift, GOSH DARN IT that’s another book we have to add at least

Three immortals hanging out in a cabin in the woods accidentally get found out and have to convince their discoverer not to turn them in to the government >>> depressed and compassion-fatigued immortal wakes up in the middle of his own autopsy, has to convince his coroner and himself both that life might be okay actually, complicated by the fact that he’s accidentally party to kidnapping said coroner, who is definitely having the Worst Day of Her Life but handling it surprisingly well for someone running on caffeine, spite, and the Hippocratic oath

Steampunk Sherlock Holmes but make it a magical realism fantasy roadtrip >>> ... actually that one is basically still the same nvm

Cars, but make it people >>> Oh hey turns out that’s a thing already and Cars is based on a 90s movie that’s based on an obscure book; who knew! anyway >>> anti-imperialist ecopunk Weird West middle-fantasy, once again about the choice to care for others over the convenience of neutrality and safety of apathy (not that I have some strongly held thematic opinions or anything)

Short story written to-market for a SFF magazine competition, maybe drop some allusions/analogs to current world events to make it *~Timely and Relatable~* (I really want to win this thing, I need money, I’m a shameless sellout) >>> Does the end really justify the means, or do the means determine the end? If saving one person means killing five more, is it worth it? If that one person could save ten more, would your answer change? Does that change who you thought you were? Is there ever a right answer to the question of who deserves to live? Is true pacifism even an option in a world where violence is also an option? Oh yeah and some contemporary fantasy I guess, just slap some pointy ears on those dudes or something

Basically what I’m saying is that sometimes your heart knows better than your brain, and you should never be afraid to play around and just Go For It because some of your best ideas may come from asking “What if” about 37 times in the course of a single outline point, and so what if it ends up totally different than your initial starting point, the joy is in the journey, right?

Also you never come up with a plot resolution as perfect as “dying girl tries to stab a demigod with a borrowed demon sword on behalf of an undead terrorist, demigod proceeds to pat her on the head, give her a shiny new powerup that may or may not be cursed, and scoop everyone up in a cup & dump them outside like an unwelcome but ultimately harmless spider”* on purpose, that stuff either comes to you in dreams or at 11pm on a weeknight while attempting a sleep-deprived writing challenge that forcibly shuts off your inhibitions.

Aka, let yourself be weird, it works out way better than you think.

*Yes that is a legitimate plot point I am using in one of my novels. I had agonized over how to solve the corner I’d written myself into for months before the “screw it, idc anymore” kicked in, whereupon this brilliant solution immediately asserted itself like I hadn’t brought myself to tears trying to work it out logically.

[superbattrash]

I now have a new favorite character and went through the “I hate you, ok maybe not, you’re ok I guess” process with another character. So ya know. Cool

Sandy ep3

I’m gonna be thinking with a British accent if I keep watching this, my brain is stupid like that. I absorb accents, I should watch something American after this

Oh great, demons, huh? Oh, a dream? That doesn’t bode well. Or maybe it does, I don’t know yet, this is all a little confusing to me

280? Okay, you look great then, Hettie

Lol you thought she was gonna respect you simple for your name? That’s cute, sandy

A possessed princess? Okay, I’m listening

Oh HE’S possessed? Christo is totally a supernatural word, man, I know this one, he’s totally possessed, oh god ew, I can’t watch this, I might be sick

He’s kinda fine tho, ngl

Yeah, you totally brushed off the actual sandman, Constantine. Oh you do simply just not care. Cool

Oh you’ve lied so much he doesn’t believe you anymore, Ethel, that sucks but you kinda very much did that to yourself, you know

Ruby for the truth seems fair enough, doesn’t it?

Oh god no, don’t force romance into this please, I was actually having fun for a second…

…am I supposed to like her? At all? 🥲

Oh a new raven!! Matthew, awww, hello Matty!! Oh he’s a cutie, I like Matthew

Johnny is gonna take that from you, Ethel, you realize this, don’t you?

I’m sorry but the camera angles here are so fucking creepy

Lulu is totally his master, don’t be mean, sandy, just let Matty stay, look how cute he is. Honest, too, and so charming

It’s a very bright nightmare, Joanna. Oh the kid is gonna die, isn’t she? Of course she is, that’s why you’re so bitter, you sent her to hell with the demon, oopsie, huh? Left with an arm. That’s. Okay, ew

YOU love objects, you idiot. For once we agree, Joanna. Oh no, don’t poke at his trauma, I was starting to warm up to you. Don’t be an actual asshole now

I’m sorry, E, I don’t trust your kid. He’s made from Roderick’s DNA, he’s not good. Oh he’s a killer, great great great. DONT DO THAT, DONT GIVE HIM THAT WHAT THE FUCK, ETHEL

“Why?” Because humans are stupid, Sandy, it’s not like she left because she didn’t love her. Wait, does that mean we get a bi or gay lady? She seems like she might be another main character of sorts. Ok I can respect that

I also think your lady friend might be dead or in bad shape, Joanna. This is too much like a trap. Rachel, sorry, I’m bad with names. They’re doing the “hi”, okay, that’s kinda cute ig. Oh god no this is horribly awkward. You don’t deserve Rachel, Joanna, sorry, she’s too good to be true

Aw Matthew, baby, you’re so cute 🥺

They’re banging, sandy. They’re banging, don’t go up there. Don’t be that way, don’t do it, for once Matthew is right

You don’t sound sorry, J. But oh!! Oh she’s bi, that’s so nice, I like that- oh no. Oh god no, this can’t be good.

YOU did that?!!!?! Sandy, please tell me you didn’t do that to her. Oh thank god, it wasn’t you, I thought I was gonna have to hate you for a second there

Oh god. Oh no. No, that is so horrible, oh no. Poor Rachel :( SHOW SOME COMPASSION, SANDY, she didn’t mean to hold the sand, please help her??? I know you’re not actually human so you don’t feel our feels but please make her feel better, can’t you fix her?? This is so sad, Alexa okay Despacito

Oh. Oh my god, what are you doing? Is that helping? Is she dead?? Is she trapped in a good dream???? Oh no :(

Okay so you do love your son, sort of, I think. He’s totally gonna be a villain, ain’t he? Because she’s so dead now. 116 years that’s a lot, Johnny. She’s already gone. Oh great, now he’s more insane, that’s just. Great. Poor, handsome security guard OH MY GOD EW WHAT THE FUCK

Jesus Christ I need to watch something with small kittens after this, I feel sick 😵‍💫

Corin, don’t talk to him, don’t make him more evil :( ….this entire scene is kinda sweet though if I don’t think about the rest of the show, I mean

You really don’t like yourself, huh, Jo? Not even sandy thinks you’re that bad, just a little… misguided, perhaps. You’re not THAT bad okay, I don’t hate you

Just bring Matty, he’s a good bird!! He just wants to help, sandy, NO! NO DONT MAKE HIM SLEEP? oh okay this is how you travel, alright, never mind

[cranesofibycus]

Edit: Please don’t send me spoilers for later episodes. This includes “you are right/wrong about xyz interpretation”. Thank you!   

Episode 17 has so many incredible, heartbreaking, heartwarming, hilarious and frustrating moments; it’s one of my favorite episodes thus far for sure. A friend of mine told me that he fell in love with the Bells Hells in this episode and I’m inclined to agree. 

Between episode 14 and 17 I feel like the rest of them have really come together and have had the opportunity to show some of their softer, less silly sides. I love the silly, but sometimes it can get in the way of genuine character moments and those episodes are full of both, which is great. 

Here’s a little roundup of my impressions of the characters so far:

Ashton: This guy is so dumb. Like, can’t get any dumber. They are so preoccupied with being the unattached one, that every of their actions just screams “I don’t deserve to be loved and I will show you why!” - I love his short temper, I love his reluctant admiration of the others and I particularly love that Taliesin gets to play someone who is queer as fuck, yet determined to be disagreeable. That is just peak Taliesin PC design and I think he is having a blast with Ashton so far.

Fearne: This fawn is so smart. And I mean that genuinely. Fearne knows exactly how she can utilize her charm and her assumed innocence to get away with the most outrageous lies and actions. I’m sort of glad that Little Mister has faded into the background a little. I feel like Fearne needs nobody to help her shine. And it’s fascinating to me that it had never before occurred to me that Ashley would be perfect at playing a fey, since Ashley exudes heaps of fey energy even when she is just being herself. I’m curious how she will handle more dramatic scenes in the future. Fearne has shown that she can genuinely care about others, but there is a clear sense that she - as any fey creature - struggles with the dark grey morals of her heritage.

F.C.G.: Sam is a menace. It is known. But I wonder how much of a menace he is being with F.C.G. I think there is a very good chance that Sam knows very little of their backstory, or how much of it is true. The memories Imogen saw in him could’ve been placed there or altered. I adore that Sam chose a race/class/subclass combination that doesn’t cater to his usual dry sarcasm as Nott’s and Scanlan’s builds did. Instead he gets to experiment with humor that stems from F.C.G.’s genuine concern and their unawareness of certain social cues. I’m sure the other Riegel shoe will drop soon enough, but until then I’m just happy to receive puzzle piece after puzzle piece of this robit’s tragic past. 

Imogen: Until recently I really thought Laura had built a sweet, soft horse-girl sorceress. Oh what a fool I was! Not that she isn’t all of those things, but Imogen is so much more multi-facetted than I had originally understood. She is driven and curious. She is intrigued by power and convinced of her own abilities. She apologizes to people for invading their minds, but she also enjoys learning other people’s secrets. She is confident! She knows her worth! She understands how to get people to do what you want (not in a strictly manipulative way, but she has definitely learned that showing compassion is a way to get people to talk). I’m super intrigued by her and thus afraid to delve too deep into fandom interpretations of Imogen, because Laura’s track record is 1. build intricate, layered character, 2. fandom builds one-dimensional fanon version of said character, 3. fandom gets mad when Laura dares to stick to her original design for said character (one of the reasons why I’m not massively into glasses!Imogen - it just triggers a fight or flight response in my brain).

Laudna: What a ballsy character design! What a choice of a backstory and a patron! I love that she came up with this and Matt said “yes, and” to all of it. I agree with Orym that Laudna is fascinating not because of her backstory, but rather because she is who she is despite of her backstory. I’m a big believer that great tragedy functions like a fork in the road of your capacity for compassion. Either you become the least or the most compassionate version of yourself, and I adore that Marisha went with the latter. And for some reason I keep thinking of Laudna’s connection to Vox Machina and that she feels like the rebirth of Kerrek’s line in his letter to Keyleth: “Did you know that there are some seeds that cannot sprout unless they are first burned?“ I wish Laudna could’ve had the life she deserved, but I think her capacity to love and feel deeply is informed by the tragedy of her past. 

Chetney: Detective!Travis and comic-relief!Travis are two of my favorite Travises, so of course I adore Chetney. I’m so glad he finally gets to live his lycanthropy dreams! I’m curious about Chetney’s backstory and how much of it will activate the other kind of Travis I love, which is the what-makes-a-good-man!Travis. I love when he gets to explore the themes of masculinity, bravery and worthiness and I feel like Chetney might give him the opportunity to examine them from a very different perspective. Or maybe the wolf will die in three sessions, which is also entirely possible. Travis doesn’t trust Sam and I don’t trust Travis. C’est la vie!

Orym: This little guy! What a wee man! In ExU I was not super into Orym because I felt like he faded into the background next to so much color and character, but it is always the quiet ones who worm their way into my heart in the end. In one way or another Liam’s characters always carry an unspeakable amount of grief with them and that grief usually is for a future that was stolen from them. Vax, Caleb and Orym all had to come to terms with the loss of a version of themselves/their lives that they didn’t get to see or live. But with Orym there is a new kind of twist to this baseline of grief: There seems to be an immense amount of hope stored in this tiny dude; a hope for a life that’s worth living or a future that’s worth fighting for or a revenge that is worth pursuing. There is not a lot of Orym (physically), but every inch of this small man is full of love and hope and a deep sense that there are things worth fighting for. 

I thought about listing my favorite relationship dynamics so far, but the truth is that it is... all of them. I genuinely enjoy all of their interactions and how the characters mesh with each other. Eleven more episodes until I’m caught up and can laugh about my naïve impressions of them as of episode 17. 

[yostresswritinggirl]

Hi there. Can I request a poly relationship with Albedo, Xiao and Scaramouche ? A mix of fluff n a pinch of smut is this possible ?

First of all, what the fuck gave you this wacky idea? I thought at first, wow, this is so random, how did they think this. But then upon making the banner- IT'S ALL MY HUSBANDS IN ONE FICNWOFHLSNDLKSBSOANA

I'll do my best but oh gawd, I'm just so baffled right now HAHAHHA- brain juice GONE

Three Shorties Convention

Poly Relationship with Scaramouche, Albedo and Xiao... (event masterlist)

HOW?!

Three individuals from three different nations somehow collated to love a single human, that of which is you. With how wide your range is for such individuals, we can greatly assume that you are an adventurer travelling the world.

You first met Scaramouche who was undercover, on the way to Mondstadt/Liyue through boat. As he was in the down low, he made sure to act friendly to avoid suspicion. When he heard you were on the same path, he thought of using you as an alibi.

The next person you came across was Xiao when you were passing by the Inn. You heard of the Adepti residing in the area and wanted to ask for blessings as your journey would be much more confusing and dangerous. You lit up incense and a small prayer before leaving.

The last person you met was Albedo. Mond was your last destination before you laid low again until your next long expedition, and you were looking for Alice who you met long ago during your expeditions. You last heard about Mond from her and wanted to talk to her about your adventures but ended up empty.

What made them stay/intrigued? For Scaramouche, he saw you messing with the meteors and your theories, your disarrayed thoughts and ideas somehow made sense when he looks past the lines. And you ended up being the reason he found the large piece of meteor in that... island thingy.

For Xiao, it was the incense I mentioned earlier. It was something you got as a souvenir from a commission in Inazuma, and the scent it gave off brought him to Teyvat Nirvana, the voices silent and his body soothed. His curiousity got the best of him as he tracked your path.

And finally, you first piqued Albedo's interest when you mentioned your affiliation with Alice, and when he listened to your stories (you forced him to listen since Alice was not there) it remindee him greatly of his master.

All of them were attached so badly that on your way to the wilderness one day, the three of them ended up confronting you in some kind of JJBA way with you in the middle. Their Visions and weapons were raised in worry until you identified how you knew them all.

And when they found out of each other's interests towards you, they grew more wary but turned to you: who was busy picking up a mint flower to truly understand what's going on.

"I like all of you!" Somehow all three of them were smart enough to realize that you hold at least a drop of endearment for each of them.

It was supposed to be a silent competition, that then ended up to an ambiguous relationship through coexistence. The problem here is: all four of you barely understood the grounds of a proper relationship, and delved deeper into this polyamory without a second thought.

Equal Thirds

Oh geezus, this is the most confusing setup you've been through. Having to juggle between three continents, three men, three different occasions. They were so petty to the point that your schedule must be split EQUALLY or else the other two would ambush the place you would be in.

Albedo is the busiest and lax when it comes to your "relationship schedule." As a person of Alchemy, he takes days buried deep into his research and he is more than thankful for the existence of a schedule, as he struggles with the maintenance of human relations a concrete time and day for when he is needed balances this. Albedo requests your presence during the period after his major experiments where he wishes to unwind and empty his brain of the equations and machinations. His type of love deals with comfort and distraction.

Xiao has the most free time in your relationship in terms of work, but he is also the one tied down strictly to his code of conduct. His time with you comes from your visits to Liyue and he will always be by your side whether you're in the outskirts or within the mortal realm. His type of love, ironically, is filled with longing touches and whispers of adoration for your strength and light that silences the voices in his head.

Scaramouche is the neediest boy in this bunch, the most mortal of them and the farthest from your reach. Your relationship is a secret to everyone especially the Fatui, but he makes sure that every agent in Liyue and Mond does not lay a hand on you or else he's breaking that same limb. Your time with him comes when HE comes over no matter where you are or what you do. His 'love' is filled with materialism and feisty aura, revelling in strenght and power dynamics.

When you're in charge of the schedule is the rare times that all three of you are together, because you plan your expeditions well in par with their seemingly conflicting schedules. Soon enough you four would be a whole team of travellers going around Teyvat to indulge whatever curiousities you lay upon.

"Circus Festival in Fontaine? Sign me and my three boys the fuck up. No complains, I know you're free."

Camping and travelling with them is sooo convenient too because they're all incredibly strong in constitution and battle. You only need to hang back and watch as they bring you a fireworks of elements, which are thankfully not very harmful against each other.

You're NEVER hurt or even TOUCHED when they're with you, they always have keen eyes for danger and always stick close to you to make sure you are safe. But on a RARE occasion that you DO get hurt, they have a formation: Albedo is tasked in retrieving you, Scaramouche is the backup in clearing a safe area for possible first aid, and Xiao lets all hell break loose once you three are gone.

They help out as much as they can whenever you all go out to camp but ultimately it ends up being some kind of adventuring class for the three of them since you're the master in this field.

Cute stuff: You never keep watch because they always want to cuddle, so one would be up and the other two would be cuddling you on both sides, and the rounds would switch between them while you have your beauty nap.

Albedo is pretty chill with the other two, but Scaramouche and Xiao seem to have a tension between them due to his Harbinger status. Xiao is wary and protective of Albedo because of the knowledge of his background coming from Morax. And all three of you deal with Scara's chattiness.

Your Pet Names for them! Scaramouche: Darling; Xiao: Sweetie; Albedo: Beloved. If you go beyond that, they start to see favoritism so you picked them carefully.

Their Pet Names for you! Scaramouche: My Dear; Xiao: Beloved; Albedo: Sunshine.

Soon enough, their soft rivalries turned into friendly coexistence and they would start to at least see each other in a better light besides acquaintances. While nothing physical or lovey-dovey would happen between them as they only ever see you in that way, they develop respect and slight trust. Competition long gone as it dissolves into compassion in protecting you and giving you the loving you deserve.

@albaedhoe @struggljng @heisenwurst @moaa @dandelion-dreams @witchsungie @lehra @kookieyachi @struggljng @zelos-simp @legionqueensav @snackgod @rxsalinee @cala-ran @wind-wheel @lilydewi22

Softcore under the cut! No looking, my children

In this relationship, individual and multiple participating intercourse is normal, and they happen when all parties involved are ever comfortable. With the fact that you'll change continents in mind soon after, the boys have their little rituals with you.

The most prominent of all would be Scaramouche's signature hickey on your neck. He sucks it hard enough to make it stay for WEEKS, so that when the other boys move to kiss you on your neck, they see the apparent mark and groan to themselves in defeat. It was your sensitive and ticklish spot, and he makes sure he owns it.

For Albedo, he almost always (probably in a kink way) do it with you on a surface that's NOT the bed. Table, chair, sofa, his lap, it seems that the bed is a sacred place for rest. And he usually ends up doing it when he is about to finish his work, hence the convenience of such furnitures. You were conditioned to the point that if you even just innocently lean on a furniture, your mind and body immediately snaps back to those moments, making you back off with a flushed face.

Xiao is the most innocent and yeet friskiest of them all. He loves to litter you with kisses all over your body, no bites and no scratches, just innocent flutters of his lips that makes you tingle. But such moments of lovemaking... seem to always happen on the Inn's balcony. Most of the time it's when the door leading there is closed for the night, but you were sure there were occasions that someone at least knew or saw what was happening, but you two were too drowned in pleasure to notice.

Whenever all four of you were to participate, safe words are always emphasized. Because you're suffocating right after between their bodies with all holes filled to the brim with them. Usually the formation goes as: Albedo behind you, Xiao in front and Scaramouche in your mouth. They may switch up when you still have the stamina but that's their default order, and yes, you orgasm multiple times and are overstimulated a lot. To the point that you're getting used to it.

It's a golden rule to always shower before and after your session, and they would be very caring and gentle during aftercare. With this arrangement, you always have a large bed rented or in your arsenal for a huge cuddle session at night.

[ray-ray-writings]

A Hairy Situation-Technoblade

On that note, this is a Techno x GN! reader in the dreamsmp

#282, 291, 343 from this list. Check out my masterlist here

When Wilbur and Tommy leave on an adventure, Techno and Y/N are left alone together. Y/N “helps” Techno in his potato farm and offers to braid his hair. Tensions rise as more and more time passes. 

“What do you mean you’re going on a multiple day journey into the nether?” I all but shouted at Tommy and Wilbur. The two brothers looked at each other before turning back to me with raised eyebrows. “We mean exactly what we said. We need blaze rods and we have to find a different nether fortress than the one everyone else uses, you know, because we were banished.” Wilbur explained as if it should be obvious. I let a pout take over my lips, “Well how come I can’t come with you?” The two brothers gave me a deadpan stare. “Because you’re terrified of hostile mobs,” Tommy deadpanned. “Well it’s not my fault they’re scary and always trying to kill me…” I trailed off. “Can you at least take Techno with you? I don’t want to be stuck here in the ravine with him for days on end.” “Believe me sweetheart, I’m not too stoked about it either.” 

The new voice that came from behind me caused me to jump in surprise, “But I’m needed here. My potatoes will be ready soon, I need some more materials, and someone has to watch over you and make sure you don’t die.” Techno listed. I let out an offended gasp and turned my complete attention to the pigman. “How dare you. I am a complete, functional, grown adult. I do not need a babysitter! I can take care of myself.” The three brothers all just stared at me, not amused. I let out a sigh, “You call for help because you get startled by a zombie one time and they never let you live it down.” I mumbled to myself. “Y/N it’s been more than one time. It’s once a day.” Wilbur stated carefully. 

I sighed in annoyance, but also knew he was right, “Okay fine. Whatever. When are you guys leaving?” I questioned, turning my attention back to Wilbur and Tommy. Wilbur checked his sundial before answering. “Now. It’s late evening now and I’d like to get out of here before nightfalls. You know, mobs and whatever.” I hummed and nodded at his response. “You have everything you need?” I asked, looking over the two. Wilbur gave me a soft smile before nodding. “We have everything. Food, armor, building blocks, compass. We’ve got it all mom” He teased. I playfully rolled my eyes at his words, “Okay son. Give me a hug and get going then.” I teased, holding my arms out to the tall man. 

Wilbur let out a laugh, but complied, wrapping his arms around me and squeezing me tight. He let go and moved to Techno and gave him a short hug. While he did that I turned my attention to Tommy, “You too boy,” I giggled, extending my arms and slowly walking toward him. Tommy scoffed and rolled his eyes but also complied. I squeezed the boy tightly to my chest before letting him go. He then also moved onto Techno, giving his other brother a small hug. After hugs, the four of us walked over to the nether portal and Wilbur and Tommy stepped into it. “Be careful” I called out. “We will!” Wilbur responded. And then they were gone. 

I sighed at the disappearance of the boys. “They’ll be okay,” Techno reassured me, reading my mind. I turned around and gave the pink haired man a tight lipped smile, “I know I just worry.” I admitted, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. Techno hummed in response. “Do you want to come help me in my potato farm to get your mind off of it for a little bit?” Techno being nice to me? More likely than you think. Nonetheless, I agreed, “Yeah. I’d like that. Thanks Techno.” 

*Time skip*

Me helping in Techno’s potato farm actually only boiled down to Techno doing all of the work, harvesting and planting, and me sitting on top of a chest just hanging out and chatting with him. I watched as the pink haired man’s face got more and more covered in not only sweat, but dirt. Every once in a while, Techno would blow out a breath of air, trying desperately to move his long pink hair out of his face and when that didn’t work, he would bring his dirty hand up to his face to move the hair manually. In doing so, he transferred that dirt from his hand onto his face. After watching him do this for a solid hour, I finally let the question slip off of my tongue. 

“Hey, do you want me to braid your hair.” Techno’s head snapped up from the ground and turned to me, “What?” He questioned. I cleared my throat as my cheeks flushed at the sudden attention, “Nevermind. It was stupid. You obviously-” “What did you say?” Techno questioned again, cutting off my self-deprecating rant. I cleared my throat once more, “I asked if I could braid your hair. Your hair seems to keep falling in your face and it would be easier to work if it was tied back. So I was wondering if you wanted me to braid it for you.” I stated shyly. 

Techno stared at me for a few moments, but then he let out a laugh and set his hoe down. “You know what. That’s not actually a bad idea. I would like that actually.” My eyes widened in shock as the man walked toward me. “Oh!” I squeeked, “Okay! Well here!” I said, standing up from the chest, patting the spot where I was sitting. “Sit here and I’ll get started!” I announced. 

Techno complied and followed my orders. I moved so that I was standing behind him. I hesitantly brought my hand up and rested it on Techno’s pink head. I slowly ran my fingers through his hair, detangling it from it’s knots. Techno let out a sigh in contentment as my fingers massaged his scalp. I carefully separated his hair into separate strains and began the braid. 

We sat in a comfortable silence as I worked. Techno was surprisingly complacent as I twisted his hair the way I wanted. I had decided to go with a french braid as it was simple, effective and would hold for a long time. “There,” I let out softly as I secured the end of the braid with an extra hair tie of mine, “all done.” I informed. Techno stood from the chest and turned around to face me. Techno brought a hand up to the back of his head and felt down the braid. A small smile appeared on the pink-haired man’s face. I was taken back. Techno looked good. Really good. I usually don’t get to see him without his hair covering his face. And I almost never get to see him smile, you know cause he hates me sometimes.But now, because of the braid. I could see him clearly and he was handsome. 

“Thank you for this.” Techno said sincerely, breaking me out of . I gave the man a shy smile, cheeks now flushing, “It’s no problem,” I told him with a half shrug. Techno turned back to his field and continued his work. I sat back down on the chest and allowed my eyes to focus on the pink haired man once more. Do I like Techno? My heart sure seems to think so. How could my brain not notice this before? As I thought it over, my heart pounded harder. I liked Technoblade. All the teasing and poking fun at the pink haired man was my sad attempt at hiding and burying those feelings deep down. 

“You okay over there?” Techno questioned, breaking me out of my trance. My eyes focused on his really handsome face, “Oh yeah. Just thinking,” I admitted. Techo hummed, leaning against his hoe. “Whatcha thinking about?” “You look really cute covered in dirt.” I blurted out. I slapped my hand over my mouth. “I cannot believe I just said that,” I mumbled into my hand. I looked up and met Techno’s wide eyes. He then proceeded to clear his throat and laugh, “The way you flirt is shameful. Telling someone they look good covered in dirt? Kind of cringe.” “I just rarely ever see your whole face because it’s usually your hair’s covering it. You’re just very handsome.” I admitted, cheeks now flushing a deep red. Techno’s cheeks were now also flushing a deep red. “Oh, well… Thank you.” “Anytime. I think you’re pretty cool and you deserve to be complimented.” 

Oh gosh. Why did I make that comment? We fell into a tense silence. After a few minutes, I let out a huge yawn. “I think I’m going to head to bed now… Don’t stay up too late, okay?” I told him, standing up from the chest. Techno didn’t look at me but hummed in acknowledgement. I turned and started out of the farm room, but then I paused at the door and turned back, “Goodnight Techno” I wished the man softly. Techno slowly looked up and over at me and gave me a soft smile making my heart flutter, “Goodnight Y/N. Sweet dreams.” He murmured. “Thanks.” I responded before turning and completely walking out of the room. 

I sighed and rubbed my face as I made my way to my makeshift room. I really hope that my words didn’t just mess everything up between us. I let out a yawn as I laid down on my bed. I’ll just deal with it in the morning. 

*Time skip. The next day*

I groaned as I rolled out of bed the next morning. I yawned as I made my way out of my room. I was greeted with the pink haired man sitting at the oak table that I had built for our little base reading a book. “Good morning” I greeted the man softly, turning toward our food chest and pulling out a little something for breakfast. “Morning” Techno greeted gruffly, glancing up at me. As I looked over at him, I realized the dirt from his face was gone, but the braid in his hair remained intact. For some reason, my heart fluttered. 

I quickly turned my attention back to what I was doing.“Do you want anything for breakfast?” I asked, looking over the things in our food chest. “Uh, I’ll have whatever you’re having. Thanks” He said, before turning his attention back to his book. I pulled out a few eggs and two steaks. I made quick work of making breakfast. 

“Here you go.” I set the plate of breakfast in front of the PVP God with a small smile. “Thank you,” Techno hummed, setting his book down and turning to his breakfast. I sat down across from him and began to enjoy my own breakfast. 

We sat in a comfortable silence as we ate. Towards the end of our meal, Techno cleared his throat, causing me to look up. “Hey, can I ask you a question?” Techno asked nervously. I quirked a brow at his words, “You just did. But if you want to ask another, go ahead” I teased. Techno’s face matched his hair as it turned a light shade of pink. Techno cleared his throat once more, “Okay. Well I was wondering…. Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?” Techno questioned. It was now my face’s turn to turn pink. “It’s okay if you didn’t. I know that sometimes we tease each other and if that was what that was it’s okay. I just wasn’t sure and-” 

“Techno” I called, interrupting the pig man’s words. “I meant them. Everything I said to you yesterday. I meant it. I think you’re really cool and funny and handsome and I really really like you.” I admitted, not looking at the man sitting across from me, “I didn’t mean to blurt them out like that yesterday though. I was just so caught up in looking at you that I realized everything all at once and I just blurted them out. If you don’t like me back, that’s okay. We can just pretend like-” “-Y/N-” “-nothing ever happened and we can go-” “Y/N!” “-back to normal and-” 

Something covered my lips, cutting off my words. I then realized it was Techno’s lips that covered my own. My eyes widened in surprise, but then immediately fluttered closed as I relaxed into the kiss. A hesitant hand reached up and cupped my cheek, pulling me even closer. All too soon, Techno pulled away from the kiss, but remained rather close, his hand still resting on my cheek. “I like you Y/N, I have for a while” Techno admitted softly. My lips curled up into a grin. “Well you’re in luck Mr. Blood God, because I like you too.” I told him with a proud grin. Techo rolled his eyes but let out a laugh, “I know you goof. You told me as you were rambling and then refused to let me get in a word.” Techno teased. I laughed at his words, “Well I’m sorry I don’t handle rejection well. And therefore didn’t let you get in a word so you couldn’t reject me.” I rambled out. Techno laughed, “That’s big brain,” “The biggest” 

The two of us stared at each other for a while, just smiling. Techno let his hand fall off my cheek and leaned back a little bit. “Y/N?” He asked. “Techno?” I responded. “Do you want to be my partner?” I grinned at his question, “That depends. Do you want to be my partner?” I questioned. Techno rolled his eyes but quickly leaned forward and pressed another kiss to my lips. “I think you know the answer to that” I grinned and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, “I think I do.” 

Our conversation was cut off by the sound of the nether portal activating. Techno and I exchanged confused looks. The two of us stood up and rushed toward the obsidian structure. Wilbur and Tommy stumbled out of the portal. “Hey guys!” Tommy greeted with a huge smile and wave. “Hey! Why are you guys back so soon?” I questioned, rushing forward and pulling the two boys into a tight hug. “Turns out,” Wilbur began after I let the two go, “There’s a nether fortress less than 1500 blocks away from our portal. And we made sure it is not the same one everyone else uses.” Wilbur explained. I nodded my head at his words. 

“That’s so lucky,” Techno said, drawing the attention to him. “What happened to your hair?” Tommy blurted out. Techno immediately brought a hand up to his head. “Oh, Y/N braided it.” Tommy’s head whipped to me, “You braided his hair?!” Tommy yelled. I furrowed my brow as his question, “Obviously. He just told you that” I stated. Wilbur and Tommy stared in disbelief. “What?” I asked, a little self-conscious. “Techno never lets anyone touch his hair.” Wilbur said softly. 

My head whipped to Techno whose face was now red. “What? Then why’d you let me braid your hair?” Techno gave me a half-shrug. “What can I say? I’m a simp” the pink haired man admitted. Laughter burst out of my mouth. I cannot believe he actually said that. My laughter must have been contagious because the three brothers also began to laugh. “Techno!” I whined, walking up to him. Techno, still laughing, wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to his chest, “It’s true!” He defended himself, laughter dying down.

 “Woah! Woah! Woah! When did this happen?” Tommy questioned. The two of us looked back at Wilbur and Tommy, “Ummm. Literally two seconds before you guys came home.” I told them, stepping back from my partner. “Well in that case. Tommy and I are going to go put away the blaze rods and then we’re probably going to nap.” Wilbur said, yawning at the end of the sentence. The two of us nodded in acknowledgement as the two of them walked further into the ravine. 

“Well… What do you want to do now?” I questioned my new boyfriend. Techno gave me a smile before wrapping me in another hug. “You wanna come help me in my potato farm again?” I giggled and nodded, “I would love nothing more”

There you go! I hope you enjoyed! If so, be sure to leave a like or a reblog or a reply!!

[thefact0rygirl]

ROUGH BOY, SWEET WORDS | Din Djarin x Reader

Rating: Explicit 18+

Pairing: Din Djarin x Fem!Reader (no use of Y/N)

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: praise kink, affirmation play (is that a thing?), tied up/restrained hands, mention of face sitting, grinding, teasing, penetrative sex (p in v), cowgirl, creampie, alluding to a breeding kink, cockwarming, soft!din

Summary: Din just wants to be held and whispered words of affirmation. He just doesn’t know it. 

{masterlist} {cross-posted on ao3}

Din Djarin has no qualms praising you and showering you with affection, but struggles when you return that same affection. 

And "struggles” is putting it lightly. 

He is a Mandalorian, a warrior. Being treated like porcelain is the exact opposite of what has been ingrained into him. 

Din is also your partner, your riduur. It has taken him so long to become comfortable with the idea that someone as morally grey as him could be likened to a rare stone in another person’s eyes. Over time, he has let down his walls to bathe in your warmth and affection, but there are still moments when he shies away from it. 

Like now. 

Since reuniting Grogu with the Jedi, Din has grown wary of your compassion and sincerity. It feels alienating to him, like it’s wrong for him to accept love when your little clan is torn apart. With your ad’ika gone and your lives in shambles, Din slowly returns to the one stability he knows all too well: roughness. 

Rough bounties, rough words, rough hands.

Reuniting with his old persona as the big, bad bounty hunter, he finds shallow solace in insults and the camouflage his beskar provides. It’s what he knows best. 

Even sex is rough with Din manhandling you in place as he fucks his frustrations out onto you. Not that you don’t enjoy it, oh no. Not at all. Rough Din hits different, but you're worried about him. He is in a state of perpetual tension, shying away whenever you go for something gentler. It’s hard to miss the way he stiffens whenever you try to adore him with genuine flattery. 

It’s then in a rented room on Nevarro that you decide to try something different to make him feel your love. You know he is expecting something kinky when you use your old blindfold to tie his hands to the bedpost. You don’t confirm or deny his assumptions either, opting instead to straddle his head between your thighs, riding his face until he is drenched in your release.

Sliding down his body, you hover over his hips until your pussy is inches away from his throbbing cock. You coo his name like it’s a melody until he looks at you. The room is dim, save for a small lamp in the corner, but to Din, you look like the sun itself, sweat shimmering off your body like the finest silk.

With a coy smile, you ignite his world when you lower your hips until his cock is nestled against your heat. He gasps when he feels your pussy pulsing against his shaft, desire ripping through his veins as his nerves crackle in pleasure. 

Din’s hands twitch against the restraining cloth that keeps him mounted to the bedpost. He could easily break through the flimsy material, you both know that. All it takes is a flick of his wrists for the fabric to tear before he does the same to you. 

But he doesn’t. 

He stays put, watching as you gyrate against him.

The restraints were figurative, anyway, something you wanted to try and he was more than happy to oblige if it meant seeing you in such a salacious position. So luxurious, so spoiled with your head thrown back as you use his body for your pleasure. 

Tugging on your nipples, you pant out, “Stars, I love your cock.”

You start small with your praise, a simple comment he’s heard countless of times before. Something to add that extra spark to your rocking hips, but not enough to scare him. 

You don’t expect him to respond, and your guess is correct. Din groans in response, letting the comment roll off of him without a second thought. Your mouth is open in an ‘o’ and all he can imagine is shoving his cock down your throat. 

“Yeah? My pretty baby wants her pussy stuffed?”

A low gasp escapes you when Din’s thighs twitch under you, the sudden movement causing the head of his cock to catch against your clit.

Biting your lip, you nod, “I love your body. You’re so big, so strong.”

Now that gets a reaction out of him. His brain stutters for a moment as every part of him pauses. His body stiffens under you, but doesn’t reply.

Din tries to reason with himself as each drag of your hips propels him farther in arousal. You don’t know what you’re saying. He doesn’t even know if you really did say…that. Your pussy is throbbing so hard against him he wonders if this is actually a wet dream. Probably best to just avoid it all together.

Yeah, just don’t say anything. 

But then you lower yourself until your hard nipples are pressing into his scarred chest. Nuzzling your face over his heart, words continue to spill from your mouth, “I love your scars. I know you hate them, but I adore them. They mean you fought and survived.”

Without his helmet, Din is an open book. You see it when he averts his eyes to the ceiling, his tan skin flushing to a rosy brown. You could practically hear his mind puttering, the gears working overtime, to rationalize your words as if they were some riddle. 

Because why else would his riduur see anything but adoration and love for him? Right?

Before he can fall further into his unease, your finger tips rub light circles around his nipples as you pucker your lips to assemble a line of kisses. Starting at his sternum you kiss up his neck, over his Adam’s apple, and stopping to lick up your cum that soaks his chin. 

Din wilts from your touch. Your skin is so soft, your kisses so delicate, he whimpers as he feel your hands move to cradle his head. He just wants to feel you, run his rough hands against your silk skin, revel in your softness and forget about the nonsense spewing from your mouth. The bedpost squeaks as he tugs against the cloth.

Feeling your thumb resting at the corner of his mouth, he turns until he places a kiss against the finger pad, as if trying to push away his uneasiness. 

Feeling your breath on the shell of his ear, you confess quietly, “You’re so much stronger than you think and you amaze me, Din.” 

Embarrassment and confusion blend together until they form a strangled protest in his chest, working its way up his throat. He should be the one praising you, not you praising him.

“Why are you doing this?” He asks, pushing his face into your hand in an attempt to hide the blooming red tint on his cheeks. 

“Doing what?” Your hips continue to rock in a steady pace.

“The compliments.” He voice grits out like it’s dragging across sandpaper. 

“Do you want me to stop?” 

He lets out a breath, “I…” He stops, not answering the question.

Din shies away from the praise instinctively, having trouble reconciling his self-esteem with the way the remarks make his cock twitch. He feels warm and tingly, draped under a pleasant haze of affection, but a voice in the back of his head is telling him he doesn’t deserve it.

But he wants to. He wants to so fucking bad. After everything that has happened, he wants to feel okay. He wants to hear words of affirmation from one of the only beings in this forsaken galaxy that matters. 

You.

He wants to hear your voice, even if he isn’t ready to admit it. So, he shuts his eyes, his hips involuntarily twitching as you continue to grind against him. You lean down to press a gentle kiss to his lips. 

“Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum.”

Weaving your hands in his hair, you tug on the curly brown mess at the nape of his neck. You bury your nose against his neck, inhaling his comforting blend of musk, soap, and metal. 

“I love your smell.”

Your tongue drags along the protruding vein on his neck, following it down to the dip between his neck and shoulder. 

“And the way you taste.”

Din calls out your name in an attempt to fight off the warmth of your words, but his throat betrays him, constricting to keep his protests down. 

“And, stars, the sounds you make,” You moan, sucking tiny bruises into his flesh. “Those little whines when you come. I think about those when you’re gone.”

You lift your head so your lips ghost over his. You’re so close and your words are making his stomach churn as blood rushes to his weeping member. 

There’s something in the way you keep grinding against him paired with your sweet words that reminds him of his better self. The one that traveled all across the galaxy, risked his life, all to reunite a little, green boy with his people. He wants to drink your words like a strong wine and enjoy feeling of intoxication.

He lifts his head up to attempt to kiss you, but you sit you up before he can. With your hands letting go of his hair, Din trashes his head to the side at the miss. You don’t miss the way his tenses in anticipation.

“Cyare,” He insists, rosy cheeks turning bright red. 

“My strong and beautiful riduur.”

“Okay, stop.” Din pants, arms pushing forward to break free. 

You don’t miss the sound of breaking threads and you shove his chest with enough force to push him back into the mattress. 

“No,” You growl, eyes narrowing at him.

Eyes widening in disbelief, he chokes out, “Fucking tease.”

“I just can’t enough of you.” You move your arms behind you, hands holding onto his thick thighs as you arch your back and rut faster against him. 

“But you know what’s my favorite?” 

You don’t wait for an answer, you weren’t expecting one. You just keep rocking against him, coating him in your wetness until he’s soaked, your juices dripping down to his balls.

“When you cum inside me. I love it when you drip from me. Stars — feeling your seed filling me, I feel so close to you.”

“Stop,” Hr grunts your name. “Just, f-fuck—S-stop. Before I cum.”

Din hisses for the split second that cool air hits his cock before it’s enveloped again in warmth. Smirking down at him, you hold him tightly in your hand as you lower yourself down, wincing at the familiar stretch as he fills you.

Finally feeling your pulsing cunt consume him, Din lets out a surprise grunt, his hips jumping up, and you have to give him a second to get under control.

“Fuck, cyare,” He whispers, struggling not to melt back into the bed as you grip him like a silk glove, your inner muscles flexing around his intruding length.

Not wasting a second, you start swaying immediately. You’re both too desperate to go slow anymore, you’ve been at this for ages now. Din leans his head back, tilting his chin to take in the breathtaking sight of you, blissed out and lost in the growing pleasure between your legs. Your body rolls with your movements as you bounce on his cock, your breasts jiggling from the force of your hips. Din can’t help but moan at the thought that his tattered body could bring you so much bliss. 

Din is close to his own release, his orgasm carrying him along the edge of climax. And then you start up again with saccharine words. 

“Feel how wet I am, Din?”  

“That’s all you, riduur. Only you can do that.”

Cracking your eyes open, you look down to see Din’s skin colored red in embarrassment. He can only nod, eyes screwing shut as he tries to gain control of himself. He is so close after being teased for so long. He jerks his hips upward, impatient. 

You want to whisper more praise at him. You don’t want to stop until he feels your love, but for now you stop. Din is still hiding, breathing heavily as his hips move in involuntary motions, hard cock throbbing desperately inside of you. 

Leaning down to nip at his ear, you listen to his breath shake, as you bounce on his lap. His cock is easily sliding in and out of you from how wet you are. You’re soaked. 

“Din,” You call, kissing the side of his mouth. “D—Din. Look at me.”

He groans, but follows your request. His pupils are blown out from need and a haze of conflict clouds his brown irises. For all the teasing and mixed emotions your words bring him, he craves them. 

He craves you. 

Your loving eyes, your soft whispers, the purple patches you paint on his neck — they’re the things that show him he is in your thoughts. He watches your eyes as you look at him like he has the stars in his hands. You are just as consumed in him as he is of you. If he captivates you, then he will happily be your captive.

In that moment, all he wants is to touch you. Add a physical stability to your words. He wants to roll between the vowels, let the words sear into his skin like another one of his scars.

“What is it, Din?”

He shudders, pushing his chest up against yours, desperate for the skin to skin contact. “I—I want…Keep talking, but just let me — L-Let me touch you.”

Nodding, you move to the bedpost, but Din is faster. He pushes forward, tearing your old blindfold to shreds while pushing his upper half up until he is sitting up. His hands hold your back to steady you from the sudden movement and to keep you still impaled on his cock. 

With you cradled in his arms, his lips crash down to yours. It’s messy, but steeped in a passion that ignites the purest and most vulnerable versions of yourselves. It’s between your moving tongues that there is a promise of realness that Din embraces, allowing your affirmations to crack his defenses. 

Pulling away, he sees love in your eyes, and when you speak, he welcomes the burning on his cheeks, rolling around in honeyed words. 

“I love you. You’re so strong, so beautiful.”

You sit up straighter, bouncing in Din’s lap. You dig your heels into the bedspread to gain momentum, but you had been at this for an hour, riding his thigh, tying him up, and your movements get jerky and unsteady as the sensation grows more pleasurable. 

“I love you, too,” Din gasps, dropping his head until he is hunched into you. You’re wrapped around him, his protective cocoon, as his breath tattoos Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum into your skin. 

“D—Din! Oh, stars,” You babble into his hair. “So close…”

He growls at the announcement, pulling away from you as he propels himself forward to push you into the bed. You’re now under him, your legs instinctively locked around his waist. 

You’re right where he wants you. You’ve had your fun, now it’s his turn. Holding himself up, he slams back inside your tight pussy.

You cry out, your body seizing and shaking and you struggle to keep your eyes open so you can watch Din’s reaction.

His lips are bruised and red, hanging open on sounds of pleasures and ragged inhales. His eyelashes fan out over his flushed cheeks and his hair is slick and mussed on the top of his head.

“F—Fuck, how did I deserve this?” Din cracks, watching you trapped under him. He’s driving his hips against yours, your body thrusting up from the force of his snapping hips. He may be the one on top, but you are in control. With your little whines and adoring eyes, you’re squeezing his heart and setting his lungs is on fire. 

Chanting his name like a prayer, he buries his face in your neck, inhaling your sweet scent as he loses control. There is no rhythm and rhyme to it, he just fucks you deeper and harder. It’s too easy for him to lose himself to you, in you. 

“Fuck,” he moans, eyes screwing shut as he feels his length enter you, going deeper with each thrust. 

“You’re lovely. Love you so much,” You tell him and Din sobs, clutching at you tighter to him.

“Riduur, my riduur.”

Your heart skips. Not from his words, but the way his voice shakes with the first vowel before entirely shattering my the end. It’s the little whines that escape him as he fucks you harder into the mattress, his need for you spilling into something so powerful he can’t help but moan. 

As Din’s movements become more frantic, you lodge a hand between your bodies and find your clit, rubbing sloppy circles until you moan. The growing arousal ignites your core, ripping through your body as your walls clench around him. Your muscles shake as the wetness between your legs pools, splashing against Din’s groin as you ride out your peak. 

“G-good girl, milk my cock,” Din whispers, chasing his own release. 

His own orgasm takes him by surprise. He can feeling it building, but he doesn’t expect it when his balls draw up and his cock throbs, hot liquid spilling inside of you.

It’s intense — more intense than it has any right to be.

Moaning, he paints your walls white. He continues thrusting through his orgasm, a meager attempt to push his seed deeper inside of you. Maybe even deep enough to reach your womb…

You move against each other, involuntary, shallow shivers as your orgasms drag out, pulling pleasure from ever nerve inside of you. 

“You’re beautiful.” You say, swallowing precarious gulps of air. 

You drop your legs from his waist, releasing at least part of him from your hold. But he doesn’t move, staying lodged between you as he softens. 

Din lets out a dry chuckle, “You’re going to have to wait for round two.”

“I mean it, Din,” You say so much conviction, he is unsure of what to say.

He leans towards you, pressing his lips against yours in soft kiss. You smile gently at the connection and lay back, pulling Din to follow you as he remains inside of you. He lays his head against your chest, letting your erratic heartbeat lull him in a peaceful state.

He whispers, “I know.”

mando’a translations

Riduur - spouse, partner, husband, wife

Ad’ika - little one, son or daughter at any age

Ni kar’tayl gar darasuum - I love you (literally, “I know you forever.”)

Cyare - beloved

taglist: @thundersheild @itsjammin @justanotherblonde23 @ladyjenny19​ @tibbietibbs @zombiexbody @stardust-galaxies​ @tenderclio​ @maulpunk​ @kat-r-in @tibbietibbs

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[notasapleasure]

I watched a famous YA fantasy adaptation on Netflix this week. I have some dumb and salty thoughts:

Foremost in my head is: why you make [musketeers actor who is my canon Jerott dream casting] a liddol creechure?? What is his deal? When swashbuckle?

Shortly followed by: I think the gay gambler should be allowed to keep the creechur after it throws a book at him.

Which leads me to: most of the main ships in this are...so unappealing??? Like there's the famous ship, grumpy magician with a limp/his knife wife, which is fine (but needed more screen time/backstory/context) and that one scene with gay gambler/stablehand which had more chemistry then the entire rest of the show put together, but...everyone else was so? Boring?? I loved the Irish(?) fighty witch and brooding Scandi prude until they actually spent time together and then their dialogue devolved into something I could have written myself on FF.net twenty plus years ago. Around each other they lost all their braincells. And I don't know what make-up witch sees in the creechur because we are never told anything about him?? Don't get me started on the main character sorry she is the wettest of wet ya heroines and had me yelling at the screen every time she made some petulant naive decision because orphan soulmate a) wasn't writing - I will throw myself at the Immortal Tortured Villain! - b) wasn't there - oh noes I can't use my power because I am too worried about him! Flashbacks to that time I read the ya prequel for R1....is this the standard fare of ya heroines these days? I'm so sorry girls you deserve better.

Anyway just to be perverse I would ship the creechur with the gay gambler or the Immortal Tortured Villain. I think the make-up witch and the witch-who-is-a-bitch-until-she-isn't should hang out. Or make-up witch and wet heroine can make declarative speeches about who understands whose trauma best and then get together. I think orphaned soulmate has a really great face and should just. Hm. Hang out with the heist crew and have a good time. I've given up on Irish fighty witch and brooding Scandi prude because they clearly have brain rot. They'll be fine once she breaks him out jail and he forgives her again.

I did enjoy the mini-musketeers reunion though! The Captain seems to be playing the same character, d'art needs to get out of that purple, and Howie!!!! Howie it's been too long and you were an excellent slimy little man with no moral compass, I loved your dinky glasses they suited you so well.

Basically I did not have great expectations for this but it was both prettier than expected and more infuriatingly ya. It's an interesting world, though I guess like in SW I tend to prefer the stories of the lower echelons finding ways to exist in it rather than the '*shocked Kirk.gif* our noble rulers are corrupt?!' stories.

Also Jesus stag blah blah, go and read Riddley Walker for a good Jesus stag.

[chemicalpink]

대취타 (DAECHWITA) | EMPEROR!YOONGI X READER | FINAL

Pairing: Emperor!Yoongi x Assassin!Reader

Words: 3.5k

Genre: Emperor AU, Historical AU (kinda), smut, angsty

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of historical public execution, oral sex (male receiving), lowkey breath play, unprotected sex

A/N: FINALLY IT’S HERE. I hope you enjoy, I had a hard time trying to make this not seem lame so here it is! please let me know what you think!

Summary: You used to be an assassin, got caught and works at the palace as a servant up until you are escorted to the main palace, either to meet your inevitable destiny or for a change of plans. 

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

Forehead resting against your own as you found yourselves panting, him sliding out as your spasming cunt dripped with both of your releases onto the floor, placing one more soft kiss on your lips with his eyes closed “Marry me”

 You almost sat up with a start. Suddenly the world was bright and hazy. Yoongi had opened his eyes and they were digging like daggers into yours, an unusual look on him. You looked at the emperor apologetically before turning your gaze to the end of the room where there was a pile of books, silently detangling yourself from him.

The silence was deafening.

Then again, who in their right mind proposed marriage while having their cock buried deep inside some assassin turned royal slave. All the same, Min Yoongi wasn’t exactly known for having a right mind. But it wasn’t just the fact that he had proposed seemingly out of the blue, more than it was everything that came with it. The words seemed to tangle themselves inside your brain as you hear him say them over and over again. That he couldn’t think of himself marrying some woman that was inferior to him in mind and spirit. That he had wanted to marry to someone he loved. To think that Min Yoongi had proposed you marriage not in the heat of the moment but fully conscious of his actions would not only mean that he was in it for the great sexual escaped you two regularly went on, but because due to some fucked up mindset the royal had, he believed he could love you. 

Yoongi reached for your hand in an attempt to get your attention, face soft with post orgasmic bliss as he repeated the ill fated words “Marry me, Y/N”

You  snapped out of his hold. “Yoongi I don’t think you understand the situation”

“What is it then, please do enlighten me, Y/N cause from what I understand is me asking for your hand in marriage, twice now” he blinks a few times, looking at you expectantly, crossing his arms like a petulant child

“FUCKING READ THE ROOM MIN YOONGI ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND”

“Well I’m not, but you seem to be”

“I’m a fucking assassin, my hands? they will forever be tainted red” you look down at your hands and the blond man comes near to hold both of them inside his 

“Y/N I couldn’t care less about that, it’s not like I’m a saint either”

“You just don’t understand”

“Then help me out” somehow his ever consistent and aloof tone gave you more chills thana you could’ve imagined if he were to raise his voice at you “Y/N I’m serious with my proposal, the sex is amazing, but you’ve proven to be an excellent addition not only to my court, but to my life”

You are shaking, voice trembling and just above a mere whisper “I was the one that killed your mother on that freezing December night”

He freezes in place.

He seemed oddly composed for someone who had just been told the responsible of his mother's death was none other than the woman he thought he wanted to marry

You remember how a few years ago, he had gone on a killing rampage, exposing heads outside his palace as if they were homemade decorations, swearing to find the person responsible for his mother’s death and get revenge. It had been months of bloodbath. Some had considered the emperor’s son to have gone completely out of his mind. 

You storm off. Not before accepting the responsibility of your actions, perhaps Yoongi had also been a good addition to your life “I’m fine with you deciding to execute me for my crimes, I understand whatever sentence is best fitted for me, your majesty” for the first time since you had arrived at the palace, you don’t dare to look him in the ye, opting to follow court protocol and bow deeply before taking your leave, attempting to detangle yourself from your messed up robes and even more messed up string of thoughts.

The following days to that conversation were a blur and for the most part, uneventful, the emperor had opted not to gravitate your way unless strictly necessary, oddly enough, the air wasn’t awkward at all, it was as if nothing had ever happened between the two of you in the first place. Yoongi had retreated to being an aloof ruler, along with regular trips to meet his once very occupied and spoiled rotten concubines, all the while you were kept apart from. Sometimes, you would receive jobs outside the palace and were expected to fulfill them according to instructions. More times than not, you were left wondering if you would make it back to the palace or if it was one hell of an excuse to execute you.

Hearing approaching footsteps, you couldn’t help but hide the best that you could behind one of the hostel’s walls. Hooded and well muffled with the cape, as you did your best to camouflage yourself into the shadows and become a mere wisp of darkness. A maid from the hostel trudged to the open window and closed it, grumbling. Lightning illuminated the landing. You took a deep breath and reviewed the plans that you had so painstakingly memorized throughout the three days you had been guarding that building on the outskirts of the kingdom. Five doors on each side. The target’s bedroom was behind the third one on the left.

Stealthy as a specter, you walked down the landing. You pushed the target's bedroom door, which opened with an almost imperceptible squeak; waiting for another thunder to rumble to close it carefully. A second flash of lightning illuminated the two figures sleeping on the canopy bed. Young Hee must not have been over thirty-five. His son, small and beautiful, slept soundly in his arms.

“I’m not murdering a poor kid’s mother”

“So you’ve gone soft”

“No I haven’t gone soft” “What could a poor merchant woman have done to you for her to deserve such an end to her life”

He sits down on his throne “You didn’t even hesitate when killing my mother, though”

“Yoongi I-” he turns his head to you, a sharp gaze following your every move, as if he was a predator waiting for the precise moment his prey took a wrong turn to jump on them. You turn your gaze to the floor immediately “Your Majesty”

“Listen Y/N- I’m a very busy man, so I’ll make it easier for you” he stood up from where he was sitting, and although you weren’t looking directly at him, you could hear him move around the room until you were able to see him stop right in front of you, a hand you were so familiar with once caresses your cheek as he grabs your chin and forces you to look at him face to face “It’s either her life, or your life. Easy choice, Y/N”

You can feel your heart wanting to burst out of your ribcage at that exact moment, finally understanding the importance behind such a horrifying task, the mirroring in the situation. And the choice was as simple as it could get. “Kill me instead”

You could see the rage inside his eyes, even as he stood still for a few second, steady as ever, unfaltering as he called over one of the palace’s servants to get him the royal seal, the infamous red ink that decorated the skin of those in line to be executed by the royal himself, an utmost sign of rage, of personally wronging the monarch. A sense of longing crossed his gaze for half a second as he locked eyes with you before he took your wrist in his hand and stamped the cold ink on it; you couldn’t keep your body from reacting to the action, whether it was having him touching you again, the almost imperceptible stuttering of his movements when he did so, or the knowledge that you’d have to face an execution, making you shake lightly as adrenaline filled your veins. 

Preparations were something the emperor certainly didn’t scattered in, back when he became known as the cold hearted borderline psychopath he had a vaste fame of, ikt was mostly do to the whole antiques that surrounded his personal executions, the way that they seemed to mimic a kingdom’s festivity was almost breathtaking, were it not for the fact that the main entertainment of the day would be having you publicly executed.  You had been waiting for that night for a whole week. Sitting in the wooden corridor nestled to one side of the golden dome of Min Yoongi’s personal library, remembering how the last time you had been there, things were so different from how they were now, where the emperor had asked you to marry you in the worst way possible and you had confessed the greatest murder of the dynasty; you let yourself be carried away by the music that rose through the amphitheater. With your legs dangling under the railing, you leaned forward and rested your cheek on your crossed arms. One could almost swear the palace was preparing for a wedding, if the way you were constantly dressed up and down during the week, the way the palace’s servants were constantly bustling around the building to ensure the greatest quality for the evening, the greatest night for the kingdom. The execution of the Empress’ murderer. 

“You seem oddly calm for someone who's about to be executed” Jungkook mentions as he approaches where you were currently hanging out, a few minutes to spare before a small group of designated maids were to call you to get you ready for the night.

You look up at him tiredly, without separating your head from where it was laying, catching him taking a seat by your side in the most infantile way you had ever seen the royal guard do, shrugging to no one in particular, you add “You know, accountability and stuff”

“Oh and she grew a moral compass during her time here” if he was expecting a bickering comeback, the way you used to do back when he was designated to look after you, he was certainly not getting anything other than be met by an extended silence that seemed to rise the tension and seriousness of the whole interaction between the two “Why are you letting this happen to you?”

“What are you talking about” this time, you do turn to face him, confused as to where he was expecting the conversation to go.

“You didn’t kill his mother”

“I did”

He huffed out air, sounding a bit exasperated at your response; you could have even sworn you saw him roll his eyes faintly “No you didn’t, you were a mere 15 year old” there was a bit of laughter behind his sentence before he regained his composure and went back to his former self from a few minutes ago, looking at your face quizzically as if there was something hidden in there that held the answer to his question  “So why are you doing this”

You try and miserably fail to convey a nonchalant look on your face as memories of your time with the emperor fill your mind, not just the carnal ones, but those where you would watch him work for his place in the royal hierarchy, the soft sides around the rough edges that were publicly hidden on purpose, turning away from the guard you say softly “Yoongi’s a great man”

“Okay sure, he could do with a more...tame temperament, but what does that have anything to do with you chopping your own head off”

You try your best to ignore the way your heart seems to physically ache at the thought behind the answer; you almost don’t get enough strength from within to mutter “I’m hoping to get him some closure, be an even better ruler”

“That’s- definitely not how it’s supposed to work Y/N” Jungkook says incredulously 

 “I was technically part of the killing so, it’s all the same”

He huffs before going to stand up, dusting off his uniform and already facing away from you, before you can hear him call for you one last time “Yoongi’s in his room, you know, he was looking for you a few hours ago, in case that information helps in any way”

So perhaps you were naive for thinking that he would answer his door, he would have no reason to do so, especially given the circumstances, if it were you, opening the door to the person that had confessed of murdering your mother, and having them come up at your room, you wouldn’t even need to think it once to decide not to further interact with them, but Jungkook had said Yoongi had been looking for you before, so the chance of him wanting to see you alive one last time were there. Unless you were reading it all wrong. You turned your back on the huge wooden door you had come to know as the emperor’s bedroom a few months back, resigned, when you heard the creaking of a door opening and a calm steady voice.

“So you’re going to just knock on my door and run away the same way you entered my life and are now leaving it forever?” his frozen tone still having an effect on your body as you turned to face him properly for the first time in what seemed like an eternity “Came to discuss a bargain for your life?”

“Not at all” you lock eyes with him when approaching him, until you were practically inside the room, his judgemental gaze still on you “I wanted to say my goodbyes properly, your majesty”

“Then don’t waste my time and come in already, Y/N” 

The royal wasted no time in cornering you against the door, face so close to yours you could feel his breath on your skin, the tip of his nose nuzzling the side of your face and you knew him enough to know he had his eyes closed to keep his composure as he talked “I’m going to miss you like a fucking mad man” 

It felt like falling back into routine, the way he kissed you, down to your neck up to your collarbone, pushing past the robes that covered your skin, in preparation for the ritual, his hands roaming freely in a familiar way, grabbing all the right places as he draws little sounds from your throat, all while he worked the both of you to where his bed was placed, although he was giving your body and pleasure a decent amount of attention, you couldn’t brush off the fact that he irradiated an angry aura, words left unspoken as he got his anger out by pleasuring both of you. Maybe himself more than you, as he removes himself from caressing your body as he usually did and positioned himself above you, his member laying flat on your already expecting tongue,as soon as you realised what his intentions were when he started undressing himself, his hips thrusting a few times in an experimental manner, soon enough finding a  pace at the same time as you bobbed your head up to capture as much of his length as you could inside your mouth, your hands captured under Yoongi’s weight, unable to help you work him further, the way you’d done before. 

You feel him start to thrust further into your throat at one particular kitten lick of yours to the tip of his cock, your head starting to hang from the edge of the mattress you two were on as he picked up the pace, his cock filling you up all the way until it hit the back of your throat a few times, you trying to whine around him, only further encouraging him to take a handful of your hair and push you further against him, your gag reflex taking the best of you as he held you there, nose close to his navel, deep grunts ripped from his lips, the air leaving your lungs and becoming slightly light headed after a few seconds of you tapping his thigh in a motion to let him know to let you breathe, at which Yoongi locked eyes with you, a mix of anger and longing in his yes as he  thrusts a few more times as saliva started dripping from your mouth, tears decorating your pink stained cheeks before he removed himself from you, giving you a few seconds to gain air before he repositioned both of you. A deafening silence taking over both of you, as you were still catching your breath and he positioned his cock at your entrance, his tip, wet with your saliva, playing with your folds for a few seconds, as you take a sharp intake of air when he enters you and immediately sets a slow deep pace. You can feel his member filling you up perfectly, mind racing with flashbacks to all those other nights before where the emperor and you shared endless nights all over the palace. 

The knowledge that this would be the last time creeping up in the back of your mind. You feel an unfamiliar wetness hit your neck where Yoongi was kissing your skin, rolling down as you identified it as tears, as he was still passionately thrusting into you. 

“I don’t want to lose you” his voice barely above a whisper, trying to conceal the way his chest was tightened with sadness 

“You have to let me go, Yoongi” one of your hands comes up to caress his locks as he pushes up to stare at your face, anger long gone and replaced with utter sadness before one last thrust has him filling you up with his seed, warmth enveloping you, a soft whimper leaving your lips as his cock leaves your cunt, a briskly wind coming from the window causing your body to shiver for a second at the loss of body heat on top of you.

“I guess this was it then” his cold and unnerved facade was on again, making the cold shivers in your body that much worse as you watched him adjust his clothes and walk out of the room, leaving you to dress yourself and ultimately face your fated destiny at the end of the day.

The palace’s front plaza is filled to the brim with spectators as the news got out that the Emperor was finally getting revenge for his mother’s killing, people from the kingdom and even some people from neighbouring ones all lined up in the outer sides of the fire marks that decorated the space to illuminate the middle path where you were placed in the end of it to walk your way up, two unknown guards on each side of you as each grabbed your elbows to push you forward, the rope certainly leaving marks on your skin as it was wrapped tightly around your wrists.  

You could only catch a glimpse of Yoongi’s blond hair, wrapped in his infamous black and golden hanbok, drums roaring in unison, people screaming as you watched him take the sword from the swordsman that had prepared the ritual beforehand, as someone wrapped a cloth around your eyes and you were promptly pushed forward, legs buckling every few seconds as you came to realise what you were about to face, it hadn’t been clear before, mere seconds away, finally falling to your knees, head bowed down in resignation as you could barely hear the sharp sword cutting the air around you, gasps from the crowd filling the air along with the constant sound of the drums around you. You could only hope your death would bring much needed peace to the monarch and his kingdom. Your heart seemed to want to burst out of your chest, if anything, Yoongi was known for being an espectacular swordsman, which hopefully made the whole execution that much easier. You could hear cheers and a metal cutting the air before your body fell limp to the ground.

But your consciousness never left, the drums couldn’t be heard anymore, cheers were replaced with confusion as a pair of hands helped you up to your knees, fumbling with the cloth around your eyes to come face to face with Min Yoongi kneeling before you, a subtle smile on his face as one of his hands caressed your cheek before helping you up beside him.

“I’m sure you all must be confused right now” he announced to his subjects “This woman right here, has got more courage in her than anyone that has ever worked for me, any of us, for that matter. Which is why I’m asking once again, publicly, for the first time, for her hand in marriage” he turned to face you, as you were still dazed by the whole ordeal, his hand in yours being the only thing holding you down “Marry me, Y/N”

[gra-sonas]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the malex scene if you don’t mind! I am completely obsessed with it and I have this thing where I love to read people and blog’s I respect opinions on stuff and sometimes I see different moments through a different lense and realize something I didn’t pick up on before. Did you have a favorite moment or facial expression or anything like that??

"Obsessed" is putting it mildly, IT'S SO GOOD!!!

Okay, lemme see. [this got LONG, sorry]

So, Michael is convinced that he's the one who's going to be killed, and since he's learned that he's likely the offspring of a "genocidal maniac", he's probably convinced himself that he actually deserves to die, bc his life's been a shit show most of the time anyway, and better get rid of him before he can hurt anyone, right? But since he's Michael, he has to make it a joke, and pretend like it doesn't actually bother him all that much. COWBOY SWAGGER

And instead of being devastated about the news, or confirming that yes, Michael is indeed an awful person and deserves to be murdered, Alex laughs!

He knows Michael so well, and he's like "dude, you're not even trying, that's not the Michael Guerin I know."

Oh, but two can play that game, right? "Well, you always did see the violence in me, didn't you," Michael throws at Alex. And while, yes, Alex struggled with Michael getting in fights all the time after the shed incident, I don't believe for a second that he ever thought of Michael as a violent person.

So, Alex is like "WTF are you talking about???"

Ohhhh, now Michael's firing (ha!) on all cylinders, he's serving Alex a double-whammy:

"I could never do the right thing" (i.e. 1x03 "Guess you're still the guy just looking for any excuse to walk away, huh?")

"Turns out neither could my father." THE DADDY CARD! Bc if anyone would know about having a shitty dad, it would be Alex.

Alex is mildly irritated about how Michael would know about his father, but Michael won't go into how he found out, all it matters is that Alex gets it. Fast. "He was a killer. Genocidal maniac, actually." That should do the trick of shocking Alex, right? It should make him stop being amused and so fucking nonchalant about Michael's struggles.

And what does Alex do? He laughs. Again! How does he not take Michael seriously? How dare he? Michael's so full of rage, and he wants to fight now, but Alex doesn't do what he's supposed to do, and Michael doesn't know how to handle it.

Alex sees right through Michael. And he's clapping back.

"Wow, you must've loved that." Hitting the bullseye with that one.

"You've been looking for proof that you were worthless your whole life." BAM, this one's also spot-on!

But Michael still has a lot of fight left in him. Self-deprecation FTW! "What can I say? I had a hunch."

Michael "I'VE BEEN TERRIBLE ALL ALONG" Guerin

Surely, now Alex has to understand what Michael's telling him, and show some goddamn compassion, or leave (which would give Michael the ultimate excuse to explode and be even more mad).

Alex is just setting up the ultimate trap tho. "Look, if you're your father, then I'm mine. Which means I have a lot of torturing to do before the end of the night, so excuse me."

Even a genius like Michael will get the ~logic of this argument.

And Michael's like

"It's not, it's not the same," Michael says, because, HELL NO, of course, Alex is NOT his father.

"No, it is. I hate to break it to you, Guerin, but there's not some special set of rules that applies just to you. You decide who you are. If you give up, it is on you." Alex beats Michael with logic (and also tells him to stop with the self-loathing and self-pity), and damn if that isn't the most beautiful thing.

🤯 << Michael's brain after this. All the anger that had been fueling him mere moments ago, seems to have left his body in that moment.

He looks at Alex, who's getting into his car to drive off while mulling over what Alex just said. He turns around to leave and...

Alex tells him to wait, and Michael's curls are getting whiplash from how fast Michael turns back around to Alex. He's ready and willing to let Alex continue with hammering home some truths to him.

A "Wait. In Maria's vision, I say that I am covering up a murder, right?" M "Yeah." A "It's not you." M "You can't know that."

Uhm, hello, have you met Alex Manes? He wouldn't say that it's not Michael if he wasn't sure of it. But Michael's certain that there's no way it isn't him, so really, what proof could Alex possibly have?

"Yes, I can. If it were you, I would not cover it up."

The face of a man who can't believe what Alex just said, trying to swallow around a huge lump in his throat. 🥺

And then.

And then.

AND THEN

"I would burn the entire world down first."

🥺😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺😭

HE'S CRYING OMGGGGGG 😭😭😭😭 (Damn you, Vlamis for acting with your face like that 😭😭😭)

That's as close to Alex saying I LOVE YOU (present tense) as they've ever come [on screen], and Michael knows it. And fuck, if that doesn't hit him deep down, to the very core of him. (It's also a signal that there's probably still hope for them, and maybe, just maybe their time has finally come)

And the other thing is: Alex just made a point in telling him that A/ children are NOT their parents (unless they want to), and B/ there's actually a good chance that it's really not Michael getting murdered.

So, yeah. I want a gravestone that can play videos, and I want it to play this scene on repeat for all of eternity. Please and thank you!

[shewastheheart]

A/N: Absolutely AU. 

She thought her nerves would be rioting in her stomach, her heartbeat picking up the closer she drew to the edge of the cliff, the edge of her life. But that's what has finally led her here, isn't it? The lack of feeling?

Her son is gone; the home of her body emptied of his presence, her arms too. There's nothing left, nothing to live for.

She's left her home, her family, her abuser. Ran away with the naive idea that she and her newborn child would have a new life together, a fresh start.

She was a fool. How could she ever believe that a new life was meant for her?

Her eyes sting, but the tears don't come. She thinks she's emptied of those too.

Esme takes another step forward, the wind whispering along her neck, coaxing her forward, the waves calling her to join in their crash against the rocks below.

This life was never meant for her, she knows that now.

The breath shudders past her chapped lips.

This was inevitable.

She's balancing on the true edge now, all she has to do is lean forward. Her bare toes flex in the grass for one last time, her heart accelerating ever so slightly as she finally lets go and falls forward.

-

One moment she's falling and the next, she is not.

Esme's eyes flutter open, her brow furrowing at the grey sky above, the sound of waves still all around. Something is holding her, a cool embrace carrying her.

"I didn't even feel it," she mumbles, glancing up to see what has her. Only to realize it is a who. "Dr. Cullen?"

She remembers him vividly from her youth, those beautiful golden eyes, the perfectly combed blond hair, the compassion that radiates from his very presence.

She has always struggled with her belief in God, but if this is her escort to the afterlife, she has to say she appreciates His thoughtfulness. Her childhood doctor from a decade ago is as close to angels as she ever came.

But her guardian angel... he doesn't look happy with her at all.

"What were you doing?" he whispers. The clutch of his hands under her knees, at her shoulder, where he's carrying her, tightens. "Why would you... what were you thinking?"

Suddenly, she is struck by the idea that maybe she is not yet dead after all.

"Did you save me?" Esme hisses, eyes tearing from his gaze to look around them. They're standing on a cluster of rocks amidst the ocean, beneath the cliff. Where she was supposed to land. "How did you... why?"

She looks back at him, torn between the urge to sob and smack him.

"Why?" he questions incredulously. "Ms. Platt-"

"You remember me?" she cuts in, shaking her head and shifting in his grasp.

He quickly sets her on her own two feet. An involuntary shiver wracks her bones as her bare toes touch the frigid surface of the rock, the chilled spray of the waves licking at her calves.

"Of course, I remember you, I - you were my patient."

"Ten years ago," she argues, gripping his waist when her knees threaten to give out as the leftover adrenaline floods through her. "Dr. Cullen, I-" The tears do come now. What has he done? How could this have happened? "You can't, this isn't - please, god, please" she chokes out. "Let me die."

She bows her head, letting it come into contact with his chest. The idea of continuing on, of living with it, with everything... she can't.

"Shh, Esme, please," he whispers and she realizes she's sobbing, ugly and painfully into the sweater against her forehead. "I couldn't. I couldn't. I'm so sorry."

His hand gently touches the back of her head, skimming deft fingers through her tangled hair. Her body threatens to shudder at the touch, jerk away from it, but... it's the first time in so long that someone has treated her with such care, such gentleness. With something that promises he won't hurt her.

-

Carlisle didn't think about the next move, what to do after he saved her.

She cries herself into silence, her face red and her eyes swollen. Numbed. She remains leaning against him, a series of small tremors rippling through her body every few seconds.

"Ms. Platt," he calls to her, scared to move, to spook her. "Is there somewhere I can take you? I... we're a bit of a long way from Ohio, do you have family here now?"

Her breath catches, her chest shuddering as she shakes her head.

"No," she rasps, barely audible above the crash of the waves around her. He really needs to get her back on dry land, away from the waters and the god-forsaken cliff she tried to jump from. "He's gone."

"He?" Carlisle repeats softly.

Esme lifts her head, her cheeks tear-stained and her lips still trembling. "My son, Dr. Cullen. I... I just had a baby and he didn't make it. I couldn't even save my baby."

Her shoulders collapse and she wraps her arms around herself, trying to keep the shudders of her body contained.

If he had a heart, he thinks it would have stuttered in his chest, cracked for her.

"Oh, Esme," he exhales, relishing the rare sound of her name in his mouth. "I'm so sorry... let me get you out of here. Let me take you somewhere safe and you can tell me more about all that has happened."

"Safe?" she echoes, a feral spark of something dark registering in her gaze. "Charles."

Her spine stiffens and she instinctively moves closer to Carlisle. She's afraid, he notes, afraid of this Charles person.

"No one is going to hurt you," he swears, but there is more than mere comfort in the words. He means it.

Esme blinks and shifts her attention once more to his face, but this time, it's as if she's truly seeing him for the first time. Her brow creases, confusion tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"How can this be real? How... could you have possibly-" Her head tilts back, eyes flicking from the cliff above their heads and back to him again. "How could you have stopped me?"

He doesn't know how to answer, how to possibly begin to cover the truth.

He doesn't really want to.

Carlisle carefully takes one of her hands in his own, squeezing it with the most minuscule portion of his strength.

"I'll show you, but you have to trust me. I know it's asking so much-"

"I do," she interrupts, those glassy eyes staring up at him with far more trust than he's ever deserved. Her brow furrows a little, as if the concept is simple. "I trusted you then, I trust you now."

"Then hold on."

-

Esme is still clinging to his neck even though they've been back on the ground for at least five minutes now.

"I'm so sorry I've frightened you," Doctor Cullen tells her for what has to be the third time, but sounding no less earnest.

After he picked her up and practically flew from the outcropping of rocks amidst the sea, rising from the surface of the ocean's edge to the dry land up above, he had carried her to a nearby fallen tree, gingerly placed her to sit upon the trunk. It's how they've remained in the last few minutes, with his mouth murmuring a stream of apologies and his body leaning over hers, bowed by the latch of her arms, but not seeming to be taxed by the position.

She is supposed to be dead, broken like waves against the rocks and carried out to sea. Instead, she is sitting with a man with... with what? Superhuman abilities? A devil in disguise of a beautiful man?

"What are you?" she finally manages to ask, pushing past the stiffness in her arms to relinquish their hold.

Doctor Cullen bows his head, his eyes falling closed as if in prayer.

"I'm afraid that it may come as an even greater fright to you."

She swallows hard. "You do not seem to mean me any harm. Unless you have only saved my life to torture me further."

His head lifts immediately, his eyes stricken as they land upon her. "No, never. I may be a monster, but I couldn't... my intention could never be to hurt you."

The intensity has her taken aback, but she holds his gaze. "A monster?"

It certainly isn't a word she would have associated with the soft-spoken doctor beside her. She can still remember with clarity the way in which he treated her ten years ago, with delicate hands and a genuine smile, eyes that held hers for a moment too long.

She never managed to forget him, more than likely because Charles made her wish even more for the first man to ever make her heart skip. She could never help thinking how she wished it had been him she exchanged vows with. Esme always managed to convince herself that Doctor Cullen would have healed her wounds, not bestowed more upon her.

"I am sure you have heard certain myths, legends of immortal creatures?" he begins, lowering to sit near her, leaving a large gap of space between them.

Esme nods, childish tales of magical sea creatures and monsters under the cloak of darkness in the woods flittering across her brain. "Some."

He twines his hands together between his knees. "What about vampires?"

It takes a moment for the correlation to register, what he's trying to tell her.

"I am... impossibly fast, incredibly strong. There is little in this world that could truly hurt - let alone kill - me," Doctor Cullen continues. "I'm dangerous and it would serve you best to stay far away from me."

Her head is spinning so fast that she has to squeeze her eyes shut, nearly buries her face in her hands, but wait-

"Stay away from you?" she repeats, meeting his forlorn expression staring back at her. As if waiting for her to react with the utmost amount of fear and hatred towards him.

And perhaps she should, if what he is saying is true and not some post suicide hallucination of hers. If her former doctor is actually a vampire.

"I do not... feed on humans," he tells her quickly. "I survive only on the blood of animals, but I am aware it does not change who I am, what I am. I could never expect-"

"I know you won't hurt me," she breathes, her swollen eyes feeling heavy, her entire body weighed down by exhaustion and a fresh wave of despair. "Can you take me to the place you spoke of, to safety?"

"Of course," he answers, rising in what feels like a flash. "And Esme?"

Before she realizes what is happening, he is easing his arms beneath her legs, the curve of her spine, and carrying her bridal style against him once more.

She hums in response, giving up on the idea of remaining conscious any longer and leaning into the wall of his chest against her cheek instead.

"Please, call me Carlisle."

Her lips quirk. This has been quite a lovely dream.

-

To continue with the full story that will follow this first chapter, I hope you’ll consider finding this little story on FFnet. :)

[the-stage-manager]

... Okay that does it. Swallow your pride and negativity and go back to your family. You'll learn to love Omega. And here's proof. You tried to have her sent away from Kamino for her safety. And you saved her from drowning.

As for your brothers not trusting you? Trust is earned. If your chip is really gone and you did those things for the Empire, then yeah. They will be cautious. But I bet every credit that I own that they'll still want you back. Mistakes were made on both ends. You have to learn to forgive and trust each other again. Is finding a purpose and "playing it safe" working with the Empire worth not joining your family?

(To the Mun: feel free to ignore. I went overboard.)

When they removed my chip, I WANTED to get away from the Empire! After what they did to me, what they forced me to do- I didn't want any part of it. But I've seen what they're capable of. That sick bastard Tarkin swore he wouldn't go after my brother if I remained loyal to the empire. Of course I agreed! I thought they'd rescue me. I thought they'd come back. Everyday I kept expecting them to show up. But nobody came. So, sure! Yeah! I joined the empire! I remained loyal to them! Where else was I supposed to go?

They're not my family. That was their choice. And I get it, oh believe me I do. I'm the most worthless piece of shit to ever slither out of those cracked fucking test tubes. EaRN tHeIr TrUSt. I've spent my whole life trying to earn their trust and respect! I spend my whole kriffing life training and training and training, trying to prove that I could be better than a droid or a drone, trying to prove that I wasn't fucking expendable. Trying to prove to myself that I wasn't fucking worthless but, guess what? I waited for them. I waited and waited and waited and instead of coming to get me, they gave a child my com and taught her to shoot.

They fucking replaced me.

They had no problem going after that commando reg, or the brat when bane got her, or that stupid senator from rhyloth or, hell, a fucking separatist!! And when Hunter was captured? They wasted no time in rescuing him. But they never came for me.

How do you think that makes me feel? Do you think it makes me sad? Or angry? Do you think it hurts? Do you think i don't fucking hate myself for what I did? If I was worth anything at all, they would've come for me. They would've rescued me. But I'm not. worth. jack. shit.

See how quickly you went from trying to comfort me to chastising me? You were frustrated with me. I was too hard to deal with. I'm too difficult. Suddenly, you figured it out and realized I wasn't worthy of compassion. That I didn't deserve it. That I deserved to be lectured. Punished.

Good.

I'll take you up on that bet. I'll bet you one hundred creds that they don't want me back. Why? For the same reason you figured out yourself: I'm too difficult. Don't you get it? I spent my whole life belittled and ostracized because, apparently, something was wrong with me. I was too tall. My hair was too white. My face looked wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Everything about me was wrong. But you're right! I should just learn to trust again! It'll be so easy! All I have to do is square my shoulder and smile more! Damn, I wish I'd thought of this year's ago!

But thanks, really, for the advice. About trusting. You're right, I have a hard time trusting. But there are some things i know how to trust! For example, when I finally blow my brains out, I trust the concrete to break my fall.

//sorry I think I got a.little harsh. This kinda hit a sore spot so I got a little too intense I think