#because then we all get to hang out next month guaranteed lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aghostpost · 3 years

Text

The Hard-J (Victor Creed x Reader)

A/N: I know I said it would be ready by the weekend but... it wasn’t! Excuses only work for those that make them, so I won’t bother lmao~ This one is for @queengiuliettafirstlady and everyone else that loves a little Victor Creed intensity. ♥

“Can we not do this today, please?”

“What the hell was that about?” He slammed the door after him as I went to my kitchen to put groceries away.

“He saw me walking back from the store, that’s it.”

“That’s it, huh? What did I say about hangin’ out with him?”

“We weren’t hanging out! I told you, he saw me walking and he was helping me carry a few things. That. Is it.”

“You see how he talks to me? How he’s always talked to me-“

“-I see two brothers who, for whatever reason, can’t seem to hack it.”

“We aren’t brothers.”

I rolled my eyes, shoving my peanut butter and fudge swirl ice cream into the freezer. “Brothers in arms.”

“Because there’s no damn respect! Always lookin’ down at me like he’s some kinda fuckin’ superior.”

“Vic…”

“I don’t want you around him. You hear me?”

I let out an exasperated sigh as I rolled my eyes. “It’s too hot to argue about this shit.”

“You’re the one arguing instead of just agreeing, Y/N.”

“Your relationship with Logan is just that: yours. I have no problem with the guy.”

“If I see you two together again-“

“- Do not end that sentence with a threat, Victor-“

“- I’ll do you one better and end it with a guaran-fucking-tee!”

“We live in the same city, I’m bound to run into him sometimes!”

“Y/N look at me… Hey!” He shouted, making me jump out of my skin as I gave him my undivided attention. Clearly he was serious, which he tended to be. But this time, more serious than normal.

He was always so very dead serious whenever we talked about Logan.

“I don’t care if you’re next door neighbors with him. If I see you two with each other again, it will not end well.”

“For him? Or for me?”

“Both o’ you.”

I stared him down and watched him do the same, his face cold hard steel, not even a muscle flexing as he spoke to me. “What the hell happened between you two, anyway?” I asked. “What did he do that’s so damn bad you’re forbidding me to even say hi? He kill your cat or somethin’?”

He smirked and let out a huff of a chuckle, his left fang peeking from behind his lips. “You think I’m kiddin’?”

I rolled my eyes and pushed him away from me to continue putting the food away. “Yeah, sure. Whatever. I’ll stay away from him, Victor. Whatever the hell makes-” I couldn’t finish my sentence before I heard the loud crash of glass breaking. I whipped around and saw a wet puddle dripping on my wall, the floor beneath it decorated with broken glass and what was a very nice bouquet of assorted flowers. “Are you shitting me?!”

“Oh, I got your attention now?”

“You had it! You’re throwing a temper tantrum, breaking my shit, all because you’re jealous of someone I’m not even interested in?”

“Jealous?” he questioned as he slowly stalked towards me, like a predator carefully eyeing its prey. I was no stranger to Victor's temper; under the right circumstances, he could go from settled to up in flames with the snap of a finger. Maybe it’s because he was never really at ease, always ready to pounce at any moment’s notice if necessary. Yeah, I know he has little patience and is kinda trigger happy to get into a fight, his own source of entertainment. But that was with other people, strangers. With me, he exercised a lot more restraint. We’d have arguments, he’d yell, maybe hurt a wall and then storm off.

But whenever Logan was involved, it was a different story...

“You need to relax,” I warned as I slowly backed away from him, ready to defend myself if necessary, even if I knew it was a losing battle.

“Did you just say I was jealous of him?”

“Are you?”

“What reason do I have to be jealous?”

“You tell me. What is it, Vic? You think I’m gonna run off with him into the sunset? You come over here one day to see me, all my shit is packed up and I leave a note behind? I doubt he’d throw my shit around like you just did.”

“I bought you those damn flowers,” he growled.

“You gonna buy the replacements too?” I asked playfully, trying to diffuse the tension but failing. It was painfully obvious, literally, he wasn’t in the mood to play when I felt his fist grip me like a boa constrictor. He forced my head against the kitchen cabinet behind me and got close to my face. If he moved any closer he’d be able to taste the chive cream cheese bagel I had on the way over here.

“Now that all depends…”

“Victor, let go of me. Now.”

“What’s the matter, hm? I thought you liked it rough?” he spoke with a tone of warning before a lecherous grin spread across his face. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t release a flutter deep in my belly, my incessant desire for him threatening to surface. It was embarrassing and admittedly disgusting to me, how even in moments as such, there was always going to be some shred of me that could neither ignore nor deny my constant thirst for him to satisfy me in ways only Victor knew how.

“You’ve made your point.” I tried to remain calm while fighting for air. I was willing to bet money that he could feel my pulse quickening beneath his grip. If even one of his claws came out I’d be bleeding out all over the linoleum.

“Have I?”

“You have five seconds to get the fuck off of me... or I walk.” He stared me in the eye only a few seconds longer before relinquishing his grip. If there was anything I caught on to in the seven months we’ve been seeing each other, if that’s even what you wanna call him dropping by for food, sex and quality conversation with a solid night’s rest, it’s that he actually greatly enjoyed having me in his life. He would never admit it, of course, being the poster boy for hypermasculinity; no way he’d display the level of emotion required to confess he liked me. But I picked up on it in subtle ways he probably doesn’t even notice. The way he throws his arm over me in his sleep, subconsciously keeping me in place with him. The way he came over and pretended it was just for sex, when we wouldn’t wind up having sex at all. The flowers he bought me, before throwing them to the wall in a rage. Most importantly, the way he wouldn’t stay gone long after a fight and would come back with his tail tucked in ready to apologize, afraid that would be the fight that finally scared me off and into the arms of someone else. I wasn’t using that to my advantage here, but I was letting him know what we both knew but never spoke of:

He wanted me around. He liked me.

I took a moment to allow oxygen to return to my lungs before I addressed him. “I pushed a button o’ yours with that little J-word?”

“What on Earth gave you that idea?” he asked sarcastically.

I nodded. “Fine. Noted. But I promise you, next time you use your words, because if you ever think about putting your hands on me again-”

“-Now you’re ending sentences with threats?”

“Guarantees, right?” I stalked to the corner of the kitchen and grabbed the broom that was wedged between the wall and my fridge then slammed it into his chest. “Dust pan behind the fridge,” was all I said before making my way to the bedroom.

“We’re not done-”

“-I am.” The moment I turned the corner out of the kitchen he was following me, the broom loudly clapping against the kitchen floor. The same hand that was just wrapped tightly around my throat was now finding its way around my waist along with his other one, pressing me to the wall. “Victor-“

“-I’ll getcha new flowers.”

“Fuck the flowers and fuck you.” He wasn’t hearing any of it. He grabbed my wrists and began making his way to the couch, my legs clumsily bumping into any and everything I walked towards.

“I’m not gonna pour my heart out an’ tell you all the fucked up things about me, if that’s what you’re waitin’ for me to do.”

“Mutant in human world. It’s not hard to figure out.”

“And I’m not tellin’ you the textbook of reasons I’m not holdin’ hands with him either.”

“And I’m not agreeing to stay away from him for your reasons and personal grudges unknown.”

“So maybe I didn’t make myself as clear as I thought.” Before I was aware the back of my legs bumped into the arm of my couch. I was desperate to create some sort of distance between us, so I fell backwards and wiggled away to the far opposite end of the couch. He stood at my feet and without breaking eye contact, lifted the loose black henley from his chest. He was possibly the only person I knew that could wear black and long sleeves in the peak of a summer in the city without breaking a sweat. But now wasn’t the time to be impressed by minor things.

“It’s too hot for this, too.”

“You tellin’ me no?”

“Yes!”

“Why?” he asked as he continued advancing in my direction, fumbling with the belt on his jeans as he kicked his shoes off.

“Because I don’t feel like it. You’re not about to makeup sex your way out of putting your hands on me, dick.”

He shrugged to himself. “You never turned it down before.”

“Well, you know what they say the definition of insanity is, right…”

“Doin’ the same shit, expecting different results.”

“And I want different results, Victor.”

“Fine. So let’s try somethin’ different.” Without a word or warning he bent down and scooped me up, a hand firmly resting under each of my thighs, my legs snaked around his waist. I thought he was headed towards the bedroom, but he took a surprising left turn to the apartment balcony, gripping me tightly before using a hand to open the sliding glass door. The humidity instantly smothered me, my glasses fogging from the shock of being exposed to the summer heat after leaving my air conditioned living room. He sat in one of the wicker seats of my patio set and placed me in his lap, lifting my sundress so I could straddle him free of obstruction. He placed me directly onto his cock and was not gentle about it; my head instantly fell back as a rush of air escaped my chest, my hands finding his neck.

“Fuck,” I whispered.

“Exactly.”

“Shut the hell up.” There was no time for playful banter. The sun had only just started to set, meaning there was still plenty daylight for us to be seen; this had to be quick. And quiet. Quiet would be the hard part without a doubt. With his help, I lifted my body up and down, his fingertips digging into my hips as he held tightly to my waist. “Holy shit, Vic.”

“Still think I’m jealous?”

I grinned to myself. “I dunno; you’re fuckin’ me like you got somethin’ to prove,” I teased. Clearly there was jealousy but I knew better than to answer him with a yes. But if jealousy is this good a sexual motivator, I’d be happy with this silver lining to our fight. He lifted my dress up more, enough for him to expose my tits and seize my right one with his mouth. My head fell back, a cry escaping me when I felt the sharp stab of his teeth on the mound of flesh. “Fuck!” He growled, his mouth vibrating slightly around my nipple.

“Ya still gonna run away and leave a note?” he asked, the heat from his mouth making toes curl.

“Never.” Unless he pushed me to it, of course.

I felt the pads of his fingertips press my scalp, my hair tightly intertwined in his digits as he pulled my head back and forced me to make eye contact. “Don’t threaten to walk again.”

I rolled my eyes. “Or else?” I mocked.

He shook his head, his pelvis ceasing, the rapid rise and fall of our chests the only movement remaining between us. “No. Just don’t.”

I stared at him a moment longer and simply nodded before standing and turning around, lifting my dress over my head, then taking the rusty balcony rail in my hands to steady myself. I turned to look at him; to my surprise he was already stroking himself in the absence of something else warm wrapped around his cock. “Whatcha waitin’ for?”

“Can’t enjoy the view?”

“Enjoy it any longer and I’m gonna melt.”

“Someone other than me hungry for it?” he said with a hard slap to my right cheek before roughly re-entering from behind, making me jerk forward into the hot metal rail. I grunted at the pain in effort not to be too loud and settled comfortably on him, my body fitting him like a glove. He was in no way gentle as he thrust himself in and out of me, primal grunts escaping his chest every time his hips rammed into my ass. My tits would surely be bruised the way I was uncomfortably pressed into the railing. I stared at the rusted and flaking metal coating of the bars beneath my arms and fought to keep my legs from collapsing beneath me, every bone in my limbs turning to apple sauce, my muscles sore and aching. If only this kind of workout kept me in shape and was doctor recommended. And quiet as I was, there was nothing I could do to muffle the loud smack that echoed in the air when Victor got slap happy, or the sound that came from my mouth as a result. The funny thing was, the more I tried to shush him, the more intensely he fucked me, and the more sound we both ended up making.

“Sss, holy fuck! Fuck fuck fuck, Vic! Shit!” I cried out, the restraint I had for my volume loosening. On a slower day I would have had a bit more self control, but I never lasted long, or quietly, when he was in a more animalistic mood.

“Mm, that’s right,” he grunted, digging his fingers into my hip bones. “Lemme have it, baby.” And before I knew it I did exactly that. My legs gave out beneath me and I fell to my knees, failing to hold myself up on the balcony railing any longer as I came. My moans were beyond stifling, and I felt nothing else, not even the pools of sweat pouring out of me. For just a moment I’d fallen into a deep well of ecstasy, my head throbbing from the mix of summer heat and pleasure, before I regained some composure to return the favor.

I grabbed the thin cushion from my patio chair and placed it at his feet and knelt before him, taking him into my mouth as deep as I could. As hungrily as I could. Without hesitation his hands flew to my head, cradling the back of my skull and maneuvering me to a pace of his pleasure. “Atta girl,” he encouraged. He knew I was a sucker for praise, and after being a complete asshole I was expecting him to lay it on with the ass kissing for the rest of the evening. Now he had me working like I was the jealous one, when really I was only in competition with myself; I wanted to see if I could make him cum quicker than any of the other times I did this. I worked my head in a swivel and both of my hands in opposing twisting motion, pulling him into me as far as I could without biting off more than I could chew. It was useless, however, since Victor was determined to push my head down way past my limits. His hips undulated as he thrust his dick deeper and deeper into my throat. He’d momentarily pause and hold his place before pulling out to allow me to draw air, all before repeating the process. “Look at me,” he demanded, which was all he needed to say for me to know what time it was. I stared upwards at him with his cock still in my mouth, my eyes glassy with tears, and he pushed himself deep into my throat one final time and pumped the tip of his dick at the back of my throat. He held eye contact for as long as he could before his head fell backwards, eyes slamming shut as I felt the muscles of his thighs tighten. He grunted a low, beastlike growl before I felt him release all he had to offer in my throat, the sensation slightly tickling. I slowly jerked his dick off for good measure to ensure I got him for every drop before swallowing the thick, sticky fluid, swirling my tongue around his tip before he removed himself from my mouth.

“Ah, Jesus fuck,” he sighed, his chest rising and falling as he tried to recover.

“I think I missed that Sunday school lesson.” He rolled his eyes and looked down at me, head still resting in his lap, before rising and extending a hand. I grabbed and he pulled me up, coming face to face with him and the wild grin plastered on his face. “Back inside before my ass gets covered in bug bites.”

“I could scratch it for ya,” he offered, running a claw harmlessly up my spine. I shivered and pushed away from him before round two threatened to begin, sliding the balcony door open, relieved once the ice cold air conditioning hit my chest.

“No thanks. But you absolutely can buy me another bouquet of flowers. And a vase, while you’re at it.”

#request #victor creed #victor creed x reader #reader imagine

212 notes · View notes

mermaidssonshipss · 4 years

Text

hells kitchen angel

warnings: smut… pure filth. (also unprotected sex which is bad. no no. wrap it before you tap it!)

pairings: rudy pankow x reader

word count: 3.5k

inspired by “hells kitchen angel” by max (dead ass heard the word kitchen and was like... hm. anyways read and this will make sense lmao.)

The club was tinted red, the lights from above causing the sweat on your skin to glow scarlet. Your body was scantily clad in a shiny black dress that dipped down your breasts tantalizingly low, the skin on your back completely exposed, a small strip of fabric covering your ass.

You looked sinful.

Rudy’s eyes had been glued to you since you’d walked out of Maddie’s apartment, the both of you giggling at something she’d said as you squeezed into the car you and the cast were sharing. It was Friday, they’d finished the first week of filming Season 2 of Outer Banks, and they wanted to celebrate. You’d joined the cast this season, quickly blending in with their dynamic once you let them get to know you. Of course, at first, you were nervous as hell, worried that you wouldn’t fit in, or you’d mess up the dynamic they’d already created. You all showed up a month before filming began to do table reads and get back into the swing of things, and you’d been timid, keeping to yourself and only really speaking when spoken to, until about a week into being there. Rudy had shown up at your designated apartment for filming and invited you over to his. The other cast members were coming over to drink and fuck around, and they wanted you there. After that night, you had finally loosened up, and they all fell in love with you.

“You’re drooling.” Chase taunted, clapping his hand down on Rudy’s shoulder, causing the blonde to jump slightly at the sudden impact.

“Look at her.” Rudy simply replied, his gaze remaining on your body. You were on the dance floor, a few drinks in your system, and you were dancing with both Madelyn and Madison, your body in-between both of the girls, your hips all moving together. Your hands were in your hair, pulling the sweaty locks out of your face, and your eyes were closed, enjoying the alcohol running through your veins.

“Well, I’m gonna go butt-in and snatch up my girl, while you continue to sit here and just stare like an idiot instead of actually making a move on one that could be your girl.” Chase knocked the last few sips of his drink back before placing the glass on the table and pushing himself onto his feet, moving through the crowd and to Madelyn, snatching her away as you and Madison sent “boo’s” his way.

For the past month, Rudy had been absolutely infatuated with you. Once you’d started hanging out, you two discovered you had very similar taste in music and cinema, so you were always sneaking into each others apartments to show one another new songs, or some new movie you had stumbled upon. You had always been frustratingly oblivious when it came to men hitting on you, or just showing any form of interest in you, so you hadn’t caught on to the very obvious hints Rudy had been sending you. When one of the other girls would mention it, you’d laugh it off and tell them they were being silly, quickly dropping the subject.

Rudy had looked away for less than 30 seconds as he followed Chase’s steps and knocked back his own drink, but when his blue eyes fell on you again, some random dude was now behind you. You were very clearly trying to remove yourself from his prying hands, and even Madison was telling the dude to fuck off, but he wouldn’t listen. The two of you were both considerably smaller than him, and Rudy noticed a flash of pain cross your face as the guys hands dug into your hips, trying to drag you off the dance floor despite Madison beginning to yell at him while you slapped at his hands. Rudy was quick to get up and makes his way over to the two of you, his hands pushing into the mans shoulders causing his grip around you to loosen. You were quick to pull away and move your body behind Rudy.

“I suggest you back off, dude.” Rudy spoke lowly, winding his arm around your waist as you gripped onto his forearm.

“Or what?” the creep shot back, crossing his arms over his chest, his gaze glued to your face.

Before Rudy could respond, Chase, Jonathon, Austin, and Drew were at his side, all of them wearing glares. The man standing before them looked between each of them before letting out a huff and walking away.

“Thank you.” you whispered into Rudy’s ear, placing a soft kiss on his cheek before saying thank you to the others, who all nodded and saluted you before going back to where they’d been before they’d seen the altercation.

You’d had enough dancing for the night after that, a pout on your face as you walked back to the empty table that had been reserved for the cast. You plopped yourself down on the large couch, crossing your legs as you looked over the crowd. Madelyn and Madison were now back to dancing with one another, and the other boys were also dancing around them, now keeping a close eye on the girls. Rudy was nowhere to be seen though, until suddenly he was sitting down next to you on the couch.

“You okay?” He asked, his voice full of concern, and you smiled at him brightly.

“ Of course. Not the first time it’s happened, won’t be the last. Probably my fault anyway for wearing this dress. Still very annoying, though.” You replied with a shrug, letting out a soft laugh. Rudy had scrunched his nose up now, his eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head.

“It’s not your fault. You’re allowed to wear whatever the hell you want. Shouldn’t have to worry about pervy men touching you. Plus, you look amazing in that dress. Personally, I’d wear it every chance I had if I was you.” He was confident as he spoke, the alcohol pushing him to be slightly more forward with his flirting. Still, it flew right over your head.

“Let’s go back to my place,” Rudy spoke after a moment of comfortable silence between the two of you, both of you just looking out at the crowd, bored of the club, “We can listen to this new album I found.”

“I’m in.” Your response was immediate as you grabbed your purse and pulled your phone out, quickly requesting a Lyft for both Rudy and you. He’d grabbed your hand, helping you up from the couch, and the both of you let the others know you were heading out before moving to the street to wait for your car.

You shivered slightly, the South Carolina air becoming entirely too comfortable with your bare skin as it wrapped its way around you. Without saying anything, Rudy stood behind you, pressing his chest against your back as he wrapped his arms around you, protecting your exposed skin from the cold. You were quick to lean into his hold, sending him a soft smile over your shoulder.

The two of you were quiet as you waited for the car to pull up, both of you too into your own thoughts to speak. His arms were crossed around your chest, his hands on your arms as he ran them up and down your soft skin to warm them up, and you were thankful for the cold disguising the fact that the goosebumps were from his touch.

When the car pulled up, you reluctantly pulled away, hurrying into the car with Rudy right behind you.

“No funny business.” was the first thing the driver said as he looked at the two of you in his rearview mirror. He was an older man, and there was the ghost of a smile on his face as he said the words.

“Yes sir!” You saluted, locking your arms at your side and Rudy let out a loud laugh.

“Wasn’t you I was worried about.” He laughed back, giving Rudy a pointed look before pulling out onto the road. Rudy’s cheeks tinted red as you laughed even harder, and he sent you a glare as he shushed you.

Before you knew it, you were pulling up to the apartment complex and climbing out of the car, Rudy waiting with his hand held out. You slipped your small hand into his, the two of you walking up to his apartment.

The first thing you did when he pushed the door open was rip your heels off, tossing them underneath the bench he had by the front door before moving across the hardwood floor quickly and jumped on the couch.

“Comfy?” Rudy asked, a smirk on his face as you laid across the couch, your arms spread out so one was holding onto the top of the couch and the other was hanging off towards the floor. You’d been decent enough to cross your legs, but that didn’t stop his eyes from trailing along the expanse of the exposed skin. You just sent him a smile and he laughed, moving into the kitchen after he pushed his own shoes off and under the bench next to your heels. It had become a routine for the two of you to drink a cup of decaf coffee at night whenever you showed one another new music. You leaned up on your elbows for a moment, watching him move around the kitchen. He would look over at you every few seconds and send you a shy smile, but your gaze never wavered. Eventually, you got up once again and walked to the kitchen, pulling your body up onto the counter.

“You look good in the kitchen, Pankow. You should become a chef.” You spoke after a moment, causing him to look over his shoulder at you as he shook his head and chuckled.

“I should become a chef just because I look good in the kitchen? What if I can’t actually... I don’t know... cook?” He was leaning against the counter opposite you now, his arms crossed across his chest as he raised an eyebrow at you. You could hear the coffee brewing behind him quietly.

“Who cares. Ask a girl on a date, start cooking for her, and I can guarantee you won’t even have to finish cooking, she’ll jump you before you can. Solid. Fool proof plan. Trust me, I’m a girl. I know.” You weren’t really thinking much as you spoke, you just knew you were comfortable enough with Rudy to make comments about him like that without feeling awkward about it.

“Is that so?” He had a smirk on his face now, and he was pushing himself off the counter, moving himself closer to you. As he approached you, he placed his hands on the exposed skin of your thighs, and you were hyper aware of the fact that your dress had ridden up against the counter, dangerously close to showing off your barely there underwear.

You hummed in response, nodding your head as you watched him closely. The air around you two suddenly felt hot, and his hands were moving higher up your thighs, moving to the sides as his fingertips just barely moved underneath your dress. Your own hands were currently clenching onto the countertops for dear life, your knuckles turning white at the force of your grip.

“Can I count on that working on you?” his voice was almost a whisper, and his hips had nudged between your thighs, spreading them so he could fit his body between them.

“Yes.” your response sounded breathless, and you were trying your hardest not to clench your thighs around Rudy’s waist. You could already feel yourself growing wetter as his chest pushed into yours, and you were so desperate you were about to grind down onto the counter.

He continued to look down at you, watching your chest as it rose and fell quickly, his fingertips sliding even further under your dress, pushing it up as he gripped onto the skin, harshly pulling your body so it was closer to the edge of the counter. Your clothed center was harshly pressed against the growing bulge in his pants, and you couldn’t hold in the whimper that escaped at the feeling against your clit. Your hands had moved from the counter and were now wound around his neck as you pushed your body even closer to him, hovering your lips over his.

“Rudy...” You whispered his name, a pleading tone laced throughout the simple name. You closed your eyes as you began to rock your hips into him, a satisfied moan escaping his lips before he finally pushed them against yours.

The second his lips met yours, both of you knew you were fucked: both metaphorically, and, in moments, literally. His hands were quick to tug your dress up your waist all the way, leaving your pantie clad bottom against the now warm countertop. Your fingers were fiddling with the buttons on the striped button-down shirt he’d worn tonight, getting irritated with the tiny buttons before you decided to just yank on the fabric and hope it would come undone. It did. Your hands were all over his chest as he pulled away from the kiss and you let out a whine that soon turned into a moan as his lips attached to your neck, sucking on the skin till it felt tender. He pushed the fabric covering your center to the side, swiping a finger between your folds and he bit down on your neck softly as he felt how wet you were.

“So wet for me, pretty girl. S’all for me, isn’t it?” he mumbled against your skin, and you could feel a smirk on his lips. He didn’t give you time to respond though, shoving two fingers inside of your dripping hole causing you to gasp out his name. At the feeling, you leaned back on the counter, your hands resting behind you to hold your body weight up as you pushed your hips into his fingers, your eyes glued on the digits pounding into you.

With his free hand, Rudy gripped the fabric of your dress that had bunched up under your breasts and proceeded to tug it over your head, tossing it across the kitchen. Immediately one of your hands palmed your own breast, pinching the now hard nipple between your fingers as he watched, his normally bright blue eyes almost black. The pace he was working on your cunt had increased rapidly, his thumb now rubbing figure 8′s over your swollen and throbbing bundle of nerves. He could tell by the whimpers and gasps of breath you were letting out, you were close. Without much thought, he dropped to his knees, keeping his fingers buried inside of your tight cunt as his eyes watched you, his lips latching onto your clit and sucking on the bundle. Your back arched, your hips rising off the counter slightly at the pressure against your button. In moments, you were cumming around his fingers as he refused to let up his pace, his mouth continuing to work over your clit until he could feel your legs shaking against his shoulders as you whimpered breathlessly.

Rudy pulled away, his thumb collecting your juices that had spread across his chin as he sucked it into his mouth. He was painfully hard, his cock straining against his jeans, but he wasn’t going to push it any further if that wasn’t what you wanted. But, as you forced yourself to sit up, your shaking fingers popping the button of his jeans open, he realized you also wanted more.

“You sure?” his voice was husky as it spoke, the thought of finally getting to fuck you almost overwhelming him. You responded by simply tugging his jeans down as well as his boxers, your feet pushing them down his legs. His cock slapped against your thigh, your small fingers wrapping around it as you ran your thumb across the tip, collecting the pre-cum that had already leaked out.

“Want you in my mouth.” you stated, and he was sure he almost burst right there.

“Not right now, babygirl. Wanna feel you wrapped around me and I won’t make it if you put your lips on me first.” he spoke honestly, grunting softly as you pumped him slowly, looking up at him through your eyelashes as you sent him a smirk. Your leg pushed against his back, causing him to stumble into you more as you hung off the counter, guiding his cock through your wet folds. Both of you shuttered at the feeling, and Rudy’s hands landed on your hips, gripping them tightly as you guided the tip of him inside of you slowly. You were teasing him now, repeatedly guiding his tip inside of you before pulling it out and running it down your folds, until he’d had enough. Removing his hands from your hips, he grabbed yours, pinning them to the counter as he finally thrusted the entirety of his length inside of you, both of you letting out loud moans at the feeling. Your walls clenched around him, and you could feel him throbbing inside of you. Your head fell forward, resting on his shoulder as he pulled back, almost entirely removing himself from you before he began to piston his hips into yours, his cock pounding into you as fast as his hips would allow. He was still pinning your hands to the countertop, his fingers intertwining with yours against the surface.

“So fucking tight.” he spoke through gritted teeth, his hips stuttering slightly as your walls clenched around him, “Been dreaming of this since I first fucking saw you.” He mumbled, and you waited for him to end the sentence with “in that dress tonight” but it never came. You realized then that he’d been so obvious about how he felt about you, all of the subtle flirting now making sense, and you felt stupid, though you didn’t have much time to think about it as you moved your hips with his pace, your thoughts fogging over.

He slowed down slightly, dragging his cock through your walls slowly, and you shuddered against his body as you felt every ridge and vein on his cock brushing against you. When he picked up his pace again, angling his hips up slightly, you cried out his name, signaling that he had hit your g-spot. Your teeth bit down on the flesh of his shoulder, your fingers squeezing his in your hands as he continued at the same angle, his cock hitting your g-spot with each thrust.

“M’gonna cum.” you whimpered against his shoulder, and he finally let your hands go, allowing you to wrap them around his back as you dug your fingernails into the skin, dragging them down and surely leaving scratches in their wake. One of his hands was now on your lower back, pushing against you so you arched into him even more, the other moving between you two as he found your clit once again.

“Let go, baby.” he whispered into your ear, continuing at the same pace until he felt your body convulsing against his, your walls clenching around his cock so tightly it caused his own hips to stutter as he too let go, the warmth of his cum coating your walls.

The both of you were completely fucked out and sweaty, hanging onto each other for a moment as you both tried to catch your breath. He pulled out of you slowly, causing you to groan at the emptiness you felt without him inside of you, and you could feel the mix of you two that had been inside of you now trailing down your thighs and onto the countertop.

“Sorry..” you mumbled, your cheeks tinted red as you noticed his eyes glued to your dripping center. He snapped his eyes up to yours quickly, shaking his head.

“That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” he replied, and you smiled shyly as his gaze trailed along your body, taking the sight of you in.

Rudy wrapped his arms around you, pulling your legs around his waist as he lifted you off the counter and proceeded to carry you into the bedroom, tossing you onto his bed before crawling on top of you.

“We’ll listen to the album later.” he stated, and you were confused for a moment until you remembered he had said in the club that’s what you two were coming back here to do.

“Think you brought me here under false pretenses, Pankow.” you quipped as he rested his body weight on yours gently, your arms now wrapping around his neck once again.

“You’re the one who made the comment about me looking good in the kitchen!” he defended, but there was a smile on his lips as he placed soft kisses around your jawline.

“It was an innocent comment! I just said make a girl dinner, and she’ll be all over you!”

“Yeah, but you’re the only girl I’d wanna make dinner for.” he replied simply, causing your heart to stutter as he gently grazed his lips across yours.

“Well, you didn’t even have to make me dinner... think I was dinner tonight, actually.” you were holding in a laugh, but as Rudy leaned his head on your shoulder, letting out the loudest laugh you’d ever heard from him, you gave in, both of you gripping onto one another as you placed soft kisses all over each others faces, your laughs filling the room.

#jj maybank x reader #rudy pankow x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank smut

480 notes · View notes

gossip-girl-of-middleearth · 3 years

Note

Hello! I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfy but I was wondering if I could get a bit of advice? From your recent posts, you said you left your home from toxicity and just bad things in general.

I’m in a similar situation, but my dad will be taking me away from my mom. And I just know it’ll be a shit show. And I’m absolutely terrified when we tell her and what the backlash will be afterwards towards my brothers and me and dad in general

How did you do it? How did you take the leap? Do you possibly have any advice on how to deal ?

Hello, friend!! ☀️

Thank you so much for reaching out, it means a lot that you value my advice <3

Hmm, okay from what I can tell of your situation, that is indeed a tricky one, but nothing can’t be overcome!

It’s important to remember, though, I was 19 when I left (now 20), so the way I handled things is going to be a lot different than how a minor can handle things (legally at least, feel free to replicate my insane stunts lmao)

Advice below the cut! (family violence trigger warning, I suppose?)

My entire family was and is extremely volatile, and I don’t speak to any of them anymore except for my older brother, but I’ll be cutting him off in 3 weeks too when I move.

Fortunately, my dad and brother were both kicked out of the house years ago due to violence, which left me with my mother, who’s quite insidious herself (just watch any Conjuring movie and that’ll give a good idea of what it was like living in that house lol)

I get the same feeling watching this scene as when I was around her in that house. Granted she didn’t try to change my gender, but the hatred for my father getting taken out on me is pretty accurate lol, paired with the immediate “motherly love” afterwards (she never hit me though, pleased to say — she wasn’t physically violent, just emotionally, financially, mentally and verbally. She did try to run my dad over once though, so, there’s that too)

youtube

Yikes…yeahh the same eerie feeling for sure, still makes all my hairs stand upright in memory.

(For further context this clip reminds me of my father and this one of my brother)

In the clip about my father, he definitely reminds me of Frank Gallagher, except he despises my mother instead of revering her. He’s a workaholic instead of a drug addict, too. But the mannerisms are the same. I always handled him in the way Fiona does.

Regarding my brother, I think everything about our family hit him the hardest, despite being the oldest. He developed a very violent streak, and has very poor impulse control. I love him dearly but he’s a snake in the grass, and has thrown me under the bus multiple times to get ahead in life. I mostly just pity him, since I know what our life was like growing up. But still, I can’t defend him forever, especially not at the cost of myself. Literally yesterday I woke up to a text from him asking me to come pick him up because he got arrested for starting a fight at a bar and smashing their windows.

When things started getting pretty bad with my mother earlier this year, I started to realise in my heart that there was no way I could go forth in life with her in it. I focused on the future relationships I would have one day when far away from this town — romantic partner, children, friends etc

I sort of realised one day I’d care about them a lot more than I care about my mother, because those future people would care about me. That in turn got me realising that I do deserve love, despite how my mother made me feel, and that I don’t want her to deprive another second of that in my life.

Something very unique that triggered this too was going to go visit an old family psychic, who’s basically just the Gandalf to my Frodo (ily, Chris <3). He very accurately predicted my birth years ago after my mother was told she was infertile — he got the date, year and time right three years in advance, and even knew ahead of time what my personality would be like, which he was spot-on about.

Well, I went and visited him a few months ago because I was lost with my direction, and he ended up pausing and had a sudden feeling, which led to him telling me that he’d just found out I would be having twin boys one day.

Normally I don’t buy into that stuff, but this Gandalf dude…well I knew he was right.

Knowing I’d have sons of my own one day took me from a scared daughter mindset and into a maternal mother bear in an instant, and I knew I didn’t want any children of mine around my mother or the rest of my family, for their safety alone, which made me realise, “Well, if I wouldn’t allow my own children near them, why do I allow myself?”

I started grey-rocking her in the lead-up to me leaving, which of course frustrated her (she’s a malignant narcissist), but it was a necessary step to start emotionally detaching myself from her.

It all bottled over one night after a pretty distressing argument (I had locked myself in my room to avoid it, but she was still at my door carrying on).

My cat, who’s been my best friend for years, was sitting on the floor next to me, and sort of looked up and I swear he spoke with his eyes, saying, “You know we can’t keep doing this, right? You know this abuse has an expiry date?”

I agreed with my cat and knew right then and there that I’d be leaving that night after my mother fell asleep.

Well, when she was finally done (with threats that there’d be more in stock in the morning, mind you) I went to bed early and set my alarm to 3am (was a little inside joke with myself, since that’s biblically the “witching devil hour”)

I started quietly packing my quilt and cat up (I’d already been secretly packing the boot of my car up with all sentimental and important items weeks in advance, except she caught on and took all my baby albums and more to her boyfriend’s house, so I don’t have any baby photos or information on me when I was a baby anymore, like first words, size and just general things I’d have liked to compare to my own kids one day, rip)

Once that was all in my car, I quietly said goodbye to the old family dog and cat (they weren’t mine to take, not that I could’ve anyways, since it was troubling enough taking Buddy, who’s actually my pet and not the family one). That was pretty heartbreaking, as I knew that’d be the last time I’d see them (I grew up with them and was the only one who took care of them — mother neglects kids and pets alike lmao).

Once that was over, I looked around my house with my hand on the front door and was very melancholy, but knew Buddy was right: it had all reached its expiry date.

I left very quietly and drove to McDonalds for a coffee, as I had a long drive ahead (I had organised to be a nanny in this rich family’s house far away in the city — two hours drive). Luckily they were away on their country farm 4 hours away, so I had time to sneak Buddy in.

The nanny thing recently backfired horribly because they discovered Buddy, which led to more AM escapes with my car, but I’m staying with my older brother and his gf for 3 more weeks only. Something I’ve been working towards for months now is moving to a wilderness island to live in my country’s equivalent of Bag End — a beautiful country cottage, amazing job and fantastic study opportunities.

Best feature yet: it’s 60 hours away from my hometown by car, and then you’d have to take a boat for 10 more hours!! They shall never find me hahaha

One of my friends has also told me recently that my mother has started spreading horrible, defamatory rumours about me around town, but I don’t care anymore because I’m almost out.

So, although I can’t offer any practical advice (idk if you’re a minor or not, but regardless it’s great your dad is helping you!) this is the best advice I can offer:

Find a dream and hold onto it, one that doesn’t involve your immediate family. For me it’s moving to that island and enjoying all the fresh air. It’ll push you forwards and remind you of what you’re fighting for when at your lowest.

Remind yourself there will be other people in your life, whether a spouse, friends, children or even a dog! (I’m getting a golden retriever next year 🐾) And then remember that you deserve all of them and the unconditional love they offer you.

Remember that if you don’t want your mother/family screwing those people over by proxy of her/their relationship to you, then there’s no way in hell you alone should put up with it either, as I guarantee those future people only want good things for you ☀️

There is a good life after abuse, I’ve seen it, and I know you can achieve it, too!

Be prepared for tons of backlash and bullshit — it’s inescapable when dealing with people like this, but I recommend educating yourself on narcissistic parents and tactics to deal with them.

Finding a good therapist who deals in PTSD regarding childhood abuse is important, too. I found an amazing one in the town I’m moving to, who had nearly the same upbringing as me!

So while I’m still struggling with a lot of fear (scared my mother will find where I’m working and living one day) and guilt (I feel horrible about leaving the family dog and cat behind, especially when they need veterinary help, only to then go and get myself another puppy) I understand I’ve done the best I can in a very abnormal situation, and that I can only do better from here.

Also, this song has been a saving grace when going all angsty over wanting to leave your current situation:

It’s from my favourite Broadway Musical, “Newsies”, and lemme tell you — discovering this as a 17-year-old when I was just starting to realise the severity of my situation was pure divinity.

Jeremy Jordan, my beloved Broadway Bard <3

youtube

When I finally get my cottage, I’m getting a wooden plaque with the name “Santa Fe” engraved on it, and am hanging it on my front door.

I wish you much luck and love, my little anonymous friend! And please know my inbox is open any time you need anything — vent, advice, a laugh or something else, ANYTHING, it feels good to know my past can maybe help someone else’s present ☀️

Please update me, too! I’m following your story along ardently now! (Also, be sure to take your sentimental items and store them somewhere safe away from your mother — ie baby albums, birth certificates, other paraphernalia/memorabilia etc).

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must hit the road. DESTINY AWAITS!

#ahh yes #Newsies my beloved <3 #and bless my family Gandalf #I’m gonna send him a gift next year from the small country town I’m moving to for his birthday as a thanks #also I’m torn between naming the golden retriever ‘Jaskier/Dandelion’ or ‘Glorfindel/Glorfy’ now #so happy that’ll soon be my only dilemma in life <33

20 notes · View notes

suggiebabe · 4 years

Text

Some MHA Boys AND Girls Getting Jealous

A/N: Oh hey there ;)))))) POSTING 2 DAYS IN A ROW??? WHO AM I LOL!!! I’m not sure if I’d post tomorrow though cause I have some lessons to take care of!! But enjoy these headcanons (that’s literally all I do, I am so sorry LMAO)!!!! I’m doing boys AND girls, so lets get it! Its my first time writing for the girlies!!!!

Pairings: Kaminari, Uraraka, Tsu, Kirishima, Momo x Reader

Warnings: Slight Angst but with a happy ending

The two of you decided to go to the beach for the weekend because why not! You had some alone time together, and this was the perfect way to spend it

On the train ride there, it was going perfectly, no one you two knew was coming, so it was guaranteed that there would be no distractions

Or so you thought..

As soon as you got to the beach, you went to change into your bathing suit, and he went to go change into his

When you came out, he wasn’t ready yet, so you decided to sit on the bench outside of the restrooms

That’s when the familiar sight of green hair appeared in front of you

“Hey Y/N! Came out to enjoy the beach? Who are you here with?” he asked sitting down next to you

“Oh hey Deku! I’m here with Denki, we just thought it be fun to have a beach date!” you said, smiling at him, “who are you here with?”

“I came with Iida, the two of us were gonna get some training done out here. So wheres Kaminari? he asked looking around for the blond

“He’s still changing, he should be out in a little. Oh look! There he is!” You stood up and waved him down, as soon as he saw the two of you, he frowned

“Whoa whats up with that face?” Deku asked mildly confused as to why Kaminari wasn’t happy to see him

As he was walking towards you two, Iida also emerged from the bathrooms and called Deku over.

“Come on Deku! We don’t have time to waste! Lets proceed with out schedule!” Iida shouted

Deku said bye to you and Kaminari, and went on his way with Iida, and as soon as they left, Kaminari pulled you into a hug

“I can’t believe Deku saw you in a bathing suit before me... thats so unfair!”

You smiled at him and patted his head, “he may have seen me, but he doesn’t get to spend the day with me! Now c’mon jealous boy, lets go have some fun!” you said, pulling him towards the water

“I’m not jealous!” he said under his breath

“Yeah, sure, whatever you say, now lets build the biggest sand castle ever!”

He laughed, and got to building

It was your 7 month anniversary, and the two of you had decided to have a movie night in Ochacos dorm since you couldn’t leave the campus

The idea made you two extremely excited since you haven’t been able to have quality time together in a while due to hero work

The school day was rather normal, except Ochaco noticed that during lunch, Shouto seemed to have a lot of your attention.

She would wrap her arm around yours, and you would pay little attention to it,continuing to talk with Shouto. The two of you extremely invested in the conversation you were having, so invested to the point where you didn’t even notice Ochacos glare towards Shouto

He got the hint, and slowly ended the conversation so there wouldn’t be any trouble, especially on your anniversary

After lunch, the two of you could hardly hold in your excitement for the rest of your classes.

After school, you both agreed to meet at her room at 7 pm to watch the movies you had picked out. You were in charge of the movies, while she was in charge of snacks

When you arrived, she welcomed you with a kiss, and the two of you got settled on her bed

“So what’d you pick out for us Y/N?” she asked, holding your hand in hers

“Well, I have a couple, but I wanted to watch this one first! Shouto recommended it to me, and it sounds really good!” you said squeezing her hands

Her smile turned into a frown, “So Shoutos your number 1 best friend now or what? You’ve been hanging out with his so much lately!” she said while pouting

You giggled at her cute expression, “Bun, are you jealous? Well fear not, because the reason I have been talking to Shouto a lot is because I know his taste in movies is so great! I wanted this night to be perfect for us!”

‘Oh.. really?” she said, her pout turning into a smile

“Yes really, now lets watch this movie, he said it’d have you on the edge of your seat the whole time!”

She blushed and then pressed play “I may have been a little jealous...” she said quietly

“I know” you said kissing her cheek

You and Tsu had always sat together for lunch, so when you approached her to tell her you had to go to the library with Ojiro to study for a quiz, she was a bit bothered, but she didn’t let it show

You promised her that you would walk with her to class when lunch was over, so that was a trade she was willing to make

Lunch without you was boring, but she was looking forward to the period ending so she can walk with you

When the bell rang, she waited for you, but you never came. After waiting a while she walked to class, she didn’t want to be tardy

1 minute before the bell you and Ojiro came running into the room, with your stuff in your hands, you two laughed as you went to sit at your desks

To say Tsu was bothered would be an understatement. Did you really forget to meet with her? Did she really not cross your mind?

Your mind was so occupied with the quiz, that you had completely forgotten about walking with Tsu. You looked at her, and made eye contact, but she quickly broke it, looking down at her desk. Your heart ached

After class you approached her and began profusely apologizing

“Tsu! I’m so sorry! I completely forgot about our agreement!” you said pulling at her hand

She looked at you with a frustrated look in her eyes, “was Ojiro really that much more entertaining? How could you forget about your GIRLFRIEND?” she said frowning, but she didn’t pull away

You squeezed her hand, “Tsu, Ojiro wasn’t on my mind at all! It was this stupid quiz we had to take... I completely forgot about anything else.. I would never think about anyone more than I think about you, silly!”

She smiled a bit, “Okay, well then prove it. After school, my dorm, movies and cuddles!”

You smiled at her cuteness, “alright alright alright, if that’s what it takes for you to forgive me, then I’ll give it to you”

She kissed you on the cheek and you both walked to hero training, tonight was going to be fun

Of course you two are workout buddies, that’s how your relationship started in the first place!

The two of you agreed to workout after school in the dorm gyms to distract yourselves from the upcoming finals exams

After school, the two of you came up with a schedule to meet up an hour after school ended to walk to the gym, and get some work done

Everything went according to plan, and the two of you were able to get to the gym before anyone else

You and Kirishima don’t really workout together, but you workout in the same room, so it kind of made sense

You two started your own workout routines, and it kept you both pretty busy.

His routine differed on certain days, and today's workout seemed to take a bit longer than it usually did, so you decided to do another one of your workouts, a new one

This routine had some things you hadn’t done before, so you had trouble with a few of the steps, but got the hang of it for the most part

Except for 1. Pike push ups.

You had tried to get Kirishimas attention, but he was so immersed in his own routine, he failed to hear you calling for his help

Lucky for you, Bakugou had just entered the gym, so you decided to ask him for help

After some argument, he finally agreed to teach you how to do it

“It’s just a push up, except you have your ass in the air, stupid” he said showing you his form

While the two of you were interacting, Kirishima looked in the mirror and saw you with your butt in the air next to Bakugou and immediately went to see what was up

By the time Kirishima was walking towards you guys, Bakugou left, and you were able to focus on yourself.

As you were in position, you looked up to find your frowning boyfriend looking down at you

“What was that?” he asked crossing his arms

“Kiri, Bakugou was just showing me how to do some pike push ups, nothing weird” you said crossing your arms “I tried to get you to help me, but you were too busy..” you said pouting

“Awh babe, I’m never too busy for you, just come tap on me next time, and I’ll help you for sure!” he said giving you two thumbs up

You smiled at him, and nodded “alright, but you better always be prepared!”

“I will, I will...” he said sitting down next to you, “So these pike push ups..”

It was midterms time again, and you had asked Momo for some help sine your English grade was SUFFERING!

Her being the lovely girlfriend she is, accepted your proposal happily since it was also just an excuse for the two of you to have some time together

Too bad for the both of you though, because other people in class heard, and immediately started asking for Momos tutoring as well

She couldn’t refuse, because she wants the best for everyone, and you were fine with that!

Time skip to after school when you were all walking to her dorm together

Mina was holding your arm and the two of you were talking about a new anime that had just come out

When Momo saw the two of you practically glued together and laughing with each other, she felt a jab in her heart, but she decided to ignore it

During the study session, you and Mina kept talking about the anime, and Momo was getting kind of fed up with the lack of attention you were giving her

“Excuse me, (Y/N) and Mina, could you two please pay attention? This chapter is important..” she said sternly, with made you both shut up right away

After the study session, you approached Momo after everyone had left

“Hey, are you ok? You sounded a little mad back there...” you said while playing with your thumbs on her bed

She sat next to you and grabbed one of your hands to hold, ”I apologize for my actions, but I guess i just got a little jealous over how close you and Mina were..”

You looked up at her surprised, “Oh my goodness! Momo I’m sorry! I didnt realize!” you said while going to hug her

She hugged you back and the two of you fell back onto her bed

“Cuddles?” you asked in hopes to make it up to her

“Cuddles.” she said squeezing you tighter

Another A/N: Hey guys! Sorry some might be a little longer than others, I just had more ideas for that character! Today I discovered that my computer is a little waterproof after spilling a whole cup of water over it! Thank u computer gods for letting me write this post!

203 notes · View notes

benhardyisdaddy · 6 years

Text

Say It - Part 1

MASTERLIST

Description: break up sex between you and Roger.

(this is my first ever smut piece so if u judge me for my shitty writing i will personally fight u oKAY dont make fun of me im sensi ti ve. i do hope u rog thots enjoy it tho. my hand hurts from typing lmao ily all GN ps i thought of ben!rog while writing this, but it doesnt matter)

WARNING: smut, smut and some more smut (duh), talk about cheating

Word Count: 3,173

Breakups are horrible. Everyone can agree on this. Especially when the breakup is with Roger Taylor. You can guarantee that your face will be plastered all over magazines now. Nosey paparazzi trying to get every detail of ‘the power couple of the century’ as they had called you.

But now that was over. And all over a stupid fight you and Rog had a few days ago. You were both home and he was standing in the kitchen cooking something for dinner. You had just gotten a unexpected phone call from Fred. The two of you talked for a while when he shared to you some news you had not been informed of yet. You’re taken back by it and say your goodbyes before hanging up.

You stare at your phone, a slow creeping feeling of anger runs through your veins. You harshly toss the phone on your bed and you make your way to the kitchen. Roger’s back is turned from you as you stare at him.

“When were you going to tell me?” you whisper.

Rog turns around and raises a brow, not understanding.

“Tell you about what?” he asks.

You roll your eyes and walk to the living room. He follows you close behind.

“About what?” he asks again. You whip around and the look on your face makes his freeze. You were angry. More than angry. You were beyond livid.

“You’re leaving in four days, Roger! For six bloody months! And you didn't even tell me!” you practically scream the last part.

He looks down and shrugs.

“And the worst part,” you continue. “Is that Fred told me, Rog! Not you!”

He shifts his feet as he looks back up to you.

“I was gonna tell you, okay? I just didn’t wanna upset you.”

You roll your eyes and dramatically laugh. You place your hands on your hips and squint your eyes.

“So you thought not telling me would make it better? So what? When the day comes and you have to leave, were you just gonna go and not say anything?”

Rog’s eyes go wide and he takes a step forward, shaking his head.

“No! I would never do that! You know I would never do that!”

“Oh,” you shout. “Just like I knew you would never cheat on me, huh?”

You instantly regret the words that came out of your mouth. Rog’s jaw tenses up and he closes his eyes. You take in a deep breath.

“Is this what this is about? You’re still thinking about that? Still holding that against me?” he asks, his voice low.

You run a hand through your hair. You were so angry that you wanted to cry, but you were fighting that urge.

“I will never not think about that. It’s in the back of my mind 24/7. It’s all I can bloody think about!” you yell.

“It was one time!” he shouts back.

“You act as if that’s a good thing! ‘I only cheated one time so it doesn’t count’.” you say, mocking him.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” he says, his voice lowering.

“You never mean it like anything!”

“Well at least she didn’t bitch at me like you do!”

You gasp. You take a step back and stare at him. His eyes open wide, this time he’s the one regretting what he had just said. You tense your jaw and feel tears fall down your face. Your heart stung at those words. The way he said ‘she’, as if she actually meant anything to him. Or maybe she did…

“I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that at all, baby. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me leav-” he goes to say, but you quickly interrupt him.

“I hate you.” you whisper.

He looks up quickly and shakes his head.

“Please don’t say that.” he whispers back.

“I hate you.” you say a bit louder.

“You don’t mean that.” he says as he takes a step closer to you, only resulting in you taking a step back.

You turn and speed walk to your room. Roger follows behind you and keeps apologizing. You grab a bag and start throwing random items inside of it.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

You ignore him.

“Y/n, what are you doing?”

You turn around and walk back into the living room. You grab your purse and keys. You walk towards the front door and Roger grabs your wrist. He turns you around and your harshly slap him in the face. He gasps at the sting and you’re shocked by your sudden actions.

“I deserved that.” he says looking to you. You wipe away some tears and the thought of smacking him again crosses your mind, but you don’t.

“I’m leaving.” you whisper.

“Okay, yes. We should calm down and-”

“No,” you say, shaking your head. “I’m leaving you. I’m moving out.”

Roger blinks a few times, trying to process all of this.

“You’re just upset right now. It’ll pass.” he says, fast.

“I don’t trust you anymore, Roger. You’re right, I’m still angry about what you did,” you hiccup. “How will I know that you won’t do that again to me?”

He reaches forward and grabs your hand. This time his eyes look glossy as he searches your face.

“I won’t. You have to believe me. I love you. I’m so sorry.”

“I know. Me too.” And with that, you walk out.

___________________________________________

It had been three days since the last time you’ve seen or talked to Roger. He had called you repeatedly, but you ignored him. He had called Fred and even showed up at his house demanding to see you, but he never did. It broke your heart to do this, because you loved him. But you love yourself more.

“Are you sure you don’t want one of us to go with you?” asks Fred, watching you grab your car keys.

You smile and shake your head.

“I’ll be fine. I promise. I’m just grabbing a few boxes that Brian missed, then I’ll be home. Okay?”

Fred nods and pulls you in for a hug.

“You should slap him again.” he says in your ear. You lean away and can’t help but laugh. You say your goodbyes and head to Roger’s place.

You arrive there and walk up to the front door. Should you knock? You still have a spare key. It was going on 11 PM, you were hoping he’d maybe be out. There didn’t seem to be many lights on. You use your key and slowly open the door. You walk in and shut it behind you. You look around and walk in the living room. The two boxes Bri had missed were stacked in the corner. You walk up to them just as the living room light flicks on. You jump back and turn around. Roger was standing in nothing but some pajama bottoms. His eyes were swollen and his hair was a mess. You awkwardly smile.

“I’m just grabbing these.” you say, picking up the boxes. You turn back around and look to him then to the door. You turn and walk to it and open it, but suddenly it’s slammed shut. You gasp and take a step back. Roger’s look on his face is a look you’ve never seen before. His eyes are hooded and his brows are slightly furrowed, but his eyes are dark.

“You’re really leaving me?” he asks, voice emotionless.

You tense your jaw and look down.

“Yes,” you whisper.

“All because I fucked another girl?” he asks.

You look up and roll your eyes.

“Get out of my way, Roger.” you say as you go to open the door again. It’s slammed shut.

“Just say it.” he says, looking at you with pleading eyes.

“Say what?” you ask annoyed.

“Say that you don’t love me.”

“I’m not saying that.”

“Why not?” he asks, his voice raising.

“Because I don’t want to you idiot!” your voice matching his.

“Because you still love me!” he shouts.

“Of course I still love you, but I also hate you!”

“Well good! I still hate you too!” he says.

“Well good!”

“Good!

And with that his lips crash against yours. You drop the boxes you’re holding and tangle them in his hair. The kiss is harsh and fast, his tongue slamming against yours. His hand reaches down to your bum and squeezes. You let out a soft moan that drives him wild. He backs you up and slams you against the wall. He slowly grinds into you and you can feel his bulge growing by the second. He reaches down and picks you up as you swing your legs around him. He slowly leads the two of you to the bedroom and throws you on the bed. Your breathing is fast and heavy. He stands above you and looks you up and down. You bite your lip as he hovers over you, his lips on yours again. His hand presses down on your crotch and you moan at the pressure. You already feel how wet you are as you squeeze your thighs together. Rog leans away and places his hands under the hem of your shirt and pulls it off of you. He reaches behind you and unclasps your bra. It lands next to your shirt.

He leans down and kneads your breast as his mouth attaches itself to the other. His tongue licks and swirls around your nipple as he nips at it. Your back arches as you let out a moan. His hands find their way to your jeans as he unbuttons them. He leans back and pulls them off. You laying on the bed in nothing but your panties is driving him crazy. He scoots down to be nearer to your crotch as he starts rubbing you through your panties. His fingers graze over your clit and you let out a loud hiss.

“Ah, fuck. Rog…” you whimper.

He smirks and leans closer to you, kissing your inner thigh. He slides down your panties and leans himself back up to you.

“You talk too fucking much, you know that?” Just then he shoves your panties in your mouth and smirks.

“You’re so beautiful.” he says as his finger reaches down to stroke you. “Already so wet.” he moans. His finger traces over your entrance before he shoves two fingers inside. You moan and close your eyes at the sudden feeling of him. He gave you no time to adjust to him when he starts pumping in and out of you fast with one hand, while the other grabs your wrists and holds them above your head. He leans down and begins sucking on your nipple again, while his thumb begins grazing over your clit. Your back arches as you slightly yell out a muffled moan. He leans down and licks your folds. His fingers are removed from you as he begins sucking on your clit. A loud, wet sucking sound makes you groan loud. Pleasure rips through as he adds a finger in you as he sucks and twirls his tongue around. You scream out his name and dig your nails into your hands. He smirks against you as he picks up his pace, curling his fingers just right to find your sweet spot. It takes him a moment, but he finally finds it. Your whole body jerks as you cry out in pleasure. He continues his movement until he knows you’re close. Your legs begin shaking and he stops. He removes his fingers and you whine.

You watch him as he sticks his finger in mouth and tastes you. You shiver at the sight. He smirks and grabs your waist and harshly flips you over on your stomach. You squeal and giggle. Rog slaps a hand across your ass hard and you gasp, leaning your head back. He spreads your legs open and situates himself between you. You feel his tip tease your entrance as his hand wraps around your throat.

“Say it.” he says, before slamming into you. You gasp and squeeze your eyes close, your hand reaching up to grab onto his hair. Rog pulls away the panties from your mouth and returns his hand to your throat.

“Say it. Say you love me.”

You gasp as he harshly slams into you fast, his grip on your throat tightening a bit.

“I… I love you.” you say, stuttering your words.

Rog squeezes even tighter, almost cutting off your airway and then stops. He pulls out of you and you make a noise of disapproval. He flips you back around on your back and kisses you, but this time more gently. He lines himself back up and slowly enters you. You pull on his hair and he moans into your mouth. He picks up his speed he grabs your leg and flings it over his shoulder. He angles himself and thrusts into you. He hits your sweet spot and your eyes squeeze close. Your hands fall to your sides as they grasp onto the sheets.

“Say you love me.” he says again loud.

“I love you!” you cry out as he repeatedly slams into you. Your hands go to his back and scratch down it. He hisses and brings his lips to your neck.

“Say it again.” he whispers.

“I love you.” you whisper back.

Just then Roger puts his arms around you and lifts you up so that he’s sitting upright on the bed, as you straddle him. You moan at him still inside of you. You put your arms around his neck as you begin moving up and down. His eyes flutter shut as his mouth parts open. He sneaks a hand between your legs and begins to rub tiny circles against your clit. You lean your head against his shoulder as a tight buildup in your stomach makes your legs shake again. Your gasps turn into loud whimpers. Roger’s other hand digs into your hip as he picks up his pace. You ride him fast as you hear him curse under his breath.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck,” he whispers.

He’s close, you know it. His hand sneaks up to your hair and grabs a fistful. He leans his forehead against yours and looks into your eyes.

“Say,” he closes his eyes and moans as you swirl your hips around. “Say it again.” he breathes out.

“I love you.” you say again. Just then you feel yourself about to explode. Roger’s head falls back as he repeats your name like a prayer.

“Oh, Rog,” you moan. “I’m gonna…”

“I know baby. Me too. Cum for me.” he says as he returns his finger to your clit. This sends you over the edge. A knot fills your stomach and you start to see stars. Your whole body trembles as you try to catch your breath. You cum hard and shake profusely on him. It isn’t long after you that Roger cums. You feel his hot wetness fill you deep inside. He bites down on your shoulder as he shutters under you. He jerks a few more times and then stops. The both of you are panting hard and leaning your head on the other’s shoulder. He’s still inside of you when you slowly lift up to lie back. You both groan at the emptiness. You fall back on the bed and feel his cum slide down your leg. Roger falls next to you, his breathing still fast. The two of you lie there for what feels like forever. Roger turns to face you.

“Stay with me tonight.” he says.

You turn on your side and look at his eyes then his lips. You nod your head and he smiles. He leans in and gently kisses you.

“Say it.” he whispers once more.

You close your eyes and feel them begin to sting with tears.

“I love you.” you say as your voice trembles. Rog smiles. You run a hand over his face and turn so he could spoon you and also not watch you cry. You fall asleep with his arm around you and his hand in yours, just like before.

_______________________

The light of the sun peeks through the windows blinds. You yawn as you slowly open your eyes, adjusting them to the brightness surrounding you. You blink a few times and turn your head to look at Roger. His hair is in his eyes and his mouth is slightly parted. His breathing is deep and slow and you can’t help but smile. You could stare at him for forever. You reach over and lightly stroke his cheek. He stirs a bit and you freeze. He turns his head to the other side and you look over to the clock on the wall. 6:48 AM. You lay your head back down and rub your eyes. It’s way too damn early to be up, but you had to go. You look back over to Rog as you slowly sit up. Your legs fall over the beds side and you stand up. The cold floor against your feet makes you shiver.

You creep over to where your clothes lie on the floor and scoop them up. You walk to the corner and hurriedly throw them on. Your body aches because of last night. You can feel it in your muscles as you slide your jeans on. You look back over to Rog and wipe away a few tears. You walk to his bedside table and slowly open it up. You grab his pad and pen and look at him once more.

When you walk back into the living room, you pick up the boxes where you had last left them and turned to look around the place you had once called home. Your chin trembles at you begin to silently sob to yourself. You place a hand on your chest as you try to calm yourself down. You open up the front door and step out. You look back and smile.

“I love you,” you whisper. You shut the door.

_________________________

Roger stirs himself awake as he rubs his eyes. He looks over to your side of the bed and sits up when he realizes you’re not there. He looks around and then to the place where your clothes once laid. They’re gone. He looks on his bedside table and a note is laying on it with his name scribbled on the front. He unfolds it and immediately realizes it’s your handwriting. He knows right away what it’s going to say. Tears pool in his eyes as he chokes back a sob. He didn’t want to lose the love of his life. His best friend. He begins reading.

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. I’m sure we’ll bump into each other again soon, but this can never happen again. I did love you, Rog. More than you can ever know. What you did destroyed me, but don't ever think for a second that I don’t love you. I do love you, Roger. More than anything in this universe. Which is why I’m gone. You were the best thing to have ever happened to me and I will miss you more than anything. Just promise me one thing, will you? Every time you think of me,

say it.

Tag List: @queenie1223 @kiannerm @ask-dom-brian-may70 @ailucascen @rogertayolr @galileoqueen-mama-mia @ramimalekrp-roleplayerpage @westansstuff

#say it #ben!roger x reader #roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #smut #oops #benhardyisdaddy #rogertaylor #this was fun to write

370 notes · View notes

kuntrabida · 4 years

Text

2. the axon snaps and thoughts can’t travel (a rant abt COVID-19, senior year spring, and college in the fall)

12 may 2020

the gap year. the fall sem. the jump cut. the FUTURE. much on my mind right now folks lmao (prob folk in singular since like one (1) person’s gonna read this ashvcxjkv)

okay so let’s break this DOWN ig. yea LET’S unpack my inner psyche and my mental baggage at this point because i’m sure that i can’t be the only one feeling this way and even if i am, i’d like to get it off my chest and not rant to the same five people who’ve heard me talk about the same sad subject throughout the entire duration of quarantine asdjfkvcxufdsw

let’s start with senior year haHA :) still haven’t gotten over that xoxo even tho i’ve tricked myself into thinking that i have! gonna refer to it as ye olde Jump Cut because that’s exactly what all this feels like... like mother nature just threw the video file of my high school experience into a fuckinn Premiere timeline or smth and slammed her fist on the W key (an esoteric reference, i know, i know, my bad, but iykyk).

THE JUMP CUT – senior year’s over and i know it’s a stupid fucking thing to be upset about during a LITERAL GLOBAL PANDEMIC where people are losing and risking their lives and entire livelihoods are being upended but i still... can’t help but feel upset and terrified and devastated about what i’ve always viewed as this buffer period in my life between high school and college to just VIBE and figure myself out a little bit more being cut short. especially when, for once, things were going so well.

god, the last thing i wanna do is sound dramatic and utterly tone deaf because I RECOGNIZE my privilege and how incredibly fortunate i am to have a roof over my head and food in my fridge and a bed with a damn duvet cover to sleep in at night but i’m... so fucking sad. i’ve BEEN so fucking sad, and i think what’s even worse is the fact that i’ve been DENYING how fucking sad i’ve been feeling because i don’t think i’m... allowed to be sad in this situation? but at the same time i consciously understand that my feelings are valid and everything... it just feels like legitimately everything else in the world right now dwarfs all my concerns combined. but alas. here i am, making a blog post about my feelings to finally try and sort them out...

i just aghsdfhxhzjlk i wasn’t finished. that really is the best way to put it. i wasn’t finished with any of it. and i suppose a lot of that is my own fault for taking all the good times for granted (but also lowkey the fault of idek who... american society? for romanticizing and commodifying the culmination of high school oop)/

i feel like so many people focus on those big milestone events associated with senior year: prom, graduation, senior awards, etc. but to me personally, and to nearly every one of the friends i’ve talked to, it’s the little things that matter most — the absence of which we feel the deepest. i miss spilling coffee on myself in the cafeteria and burning frozen pastries in the toasters and complimenting people’s outfits in the hallways and staying in the building from dawn till dusk and eating takeout on the floor and hastily texting my friends at the end of the school day asking if they wanted to hang out or if they could give me a ride home and i MISS spontaneous sushi and starbucks excursions and quiet heart to hearts in coffee shops and last minute target runs and stressing out about music events and belting in the practice rooms and learning choreography in parking lots where confused drivers would momentarily glance over and just KEEP ON DRIVING and lying on the ground in one of the school’s hallways facing the sun when the light would hit JUST RIGHT through the glass and i could close my eyes and pretend i was at the beach or on an island or in a canyon somewhere or SOMETHING, anywhere, anywhere but there. and i feel this chasm in my throat whenever i think about it because looking back at those moments, i realize that there’s literally no place i’d rather be right now than inside my high school building on a normal ass day dealing with normal ass problems with exceptional, radiant, life-giving souls there to have my back and support me and hug me wow, GOD, hug me. wow how i miss hugs. and I miss my friends. shit.

hell bro i even miss the days where everything would become a little too much for me and i’d have to find recluse in a digital media classroom and the scent of old lemon-laced coffee grounds as they brewed into dingy styrofoam cups and wandered through the halls with me during the period, into the music room where i literally grew UP and found my voice and discovered validity in my own identity and all that JAZZ and into the bathrooms where i’d spend such subtle, unsuspecting mornings with friends still practically sleepwalking and FUCK bro. frankly i’m just not ready to jump into a life where all the things i hold dear are “remember when”s. i can’t imagine this entire world that i’ve built for myself being a thing of the past, a thing that i’ll look back on as one of the best fucking times of my life even though i never realized it when it mattered, a thing i still want so so so much more of, that i am not and may not ever be ready to let go. i want it all back. but i know getting upset over it is a futile pursuit, because there’s nothing i can do, and that just fuels this feedback cycle of anger and hopelessness and denial and back again.

i do think of that good ol’ winnie the pooh quote, though. “how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” but it doesn’t really make anything hurt any less. and i guess i’m just tired of hurting lol.

THE FUTURE – dawg what the fuck is happening with colleges in the United States right now bro what is the protocol what do i DO¿

pretty damn self explanatory. my defense mechanism has ALWAYS been, “at least things will be better a couple months from now!!!!” and yeah, with university and the reality of getting to attend my dream college fast approaching i did believe that for a hot second but CORONA DAWG CORONA just plunges everything into the sea of uncertainty. i know i’m not the only one frustrated by this damn virus and i should be comforted by the unity we all have in our confusion but lmao i do not feel any better! no! one! has! any! answers! asdjfkvlcxvjl being a graduating high school and incoming college student right now is so FUCKING confusing and frightening and once again i want to acknowledge what an incredible privilege it is to even have the option of a higher education open to me but it’s such a multifaceted and unpredictable issue this year and thinking about the future — again my go-to defense mechanism and at the very least a worthy consideration since i’ll be putting down hella dollars for it — has been the cause of so much stress...

THE FALL SEM – i! don’t! know! if! it’s! gonna! be! on!line! and i am not planning on staying in my house any longer for a goddamn variety of reasons soo i have no clue how to plan for this! no one does right now!

our administration keeps affirming that we’re planning for a return to normalcy in the fall semester but a considerable amount of students and experts alike are saying that it’s essentially a cover so no one’ll panic and decline or defer their acceptances. SO MANY OTHER COLLEGES are revealing their contingency plans to have an online semester and ahaHA if i have to STAY in this HOUSE for ANOTHER 4 MONTHS that would FRICKIN SUCK DAWG lmaO i’ll leave it at that! so i’m: very much panicking!

i know that things are so uncertain right now and there’s really no point in trying to predict what’s going to happen in the next couple of months because so many unknowns remain. i know that a lot of universities are gonna be in deep shit if they don’t open in the fall but at the same time, if it’s a damn public health risk it’s definitely better to keep as many people home as possible. but i have no CLUE what institutions are gonna end up doing and again, literally no one does either! i was listening to a podcast yesterday about university plans for the upcoming academic year and i got asdhvjckxv so stressed when they said that we could be one week away from the start of the school year and things could still be drastically different the next week... there’s just no way of knowing much of anything and god i hate that. it’s making me so goddamn anxious.

i really doubt things are going to be back to normal in New York in the fall sooo...? i don’t know man again it comes down to asking people questions they don’t have the answers to and that’s just incredibly frustrating because i just want to know ONE THING for certain right now. ONE THING! idk i just wish that my college would be a little more transparent about their plans as they move along and figure things out but i know that’s not feasible. at the very least i hope things will be safe enough for them to make dorming on campus an option — freshmen have a pretty ample amount of singles available anyway. but if i have to spend the first semester of college onLINE in THIS HOUSE that’s... gonna suck. especially because i’m still probably going to be paying thousands of dollars for it which is, as my grandmother says, foul!

THE GAP YEAR – to defer or not to defer? that is the question.

so naturally in preparation for a potentially wonky ass academic year i’m considering deferring enrollment. but lmao... the deadline to do so is in uh *checks watch* three (3) literal days so. don’t know about that chief!

like, i know i’m PROBABLY NOT gonna end up taking a gap year. but i guess it’s just the fact that i have so much more canvas space to daydream about it that makes it so appealing... there are so many more possibilities that i can think of that are more likely to be open to me. then again, nothing’s guaranteed. not even my own health in the fall. which is also pretty fuckin scary as hell.

y’all wanna know where i get my gap year daydream fuel? UNJADED JADE. bruh i’ve been binging her videos like MAD especially the ones where she interrails Europe during her gap year and UGH. it seems incredible. and that makes things even more confusing because i really don’t know what the right decision to make is right now. to defer or not to defer...

again it’s all so heavily influenced by unknowns. of all the things that could happen, i’d much prefer to have a regular freshman year fall with the people in my class whom i’ve already been getting to know pretty well through groupchats and social media and the like. they’re a pretty dope bunch and i think college with them is gonna be a hoot and a goddamn half. but if i’ll end up just staying home and watching zoom lectures in my basement anyway... i’d much rather be taking a gap year.

and i’ve been brainstorming what i’d do during this gap year (again, thanks Unjaded Jade for the god-tier content agh) and there’s just like... so many options. i could get a goddamn JOB and start saving up for tuition instead of paying tens of thousands for online school. hell with the money i make working full time i could probably save up enough to afford an apartment so at the very least i could move out of my house into a place where i feel more comfortable. and lmao I: s a l i v a t e at the thought of using that time to focus on my writing, too. the amount of writing i could get done in a year of empty calendar space... glorious. what an utterly glorious prospect.

and of course, i’d love to fucking travel, volunteer (with a reputable and well-intentioned organization) in a foreign country, do a workstay abroad, take a train across america, but again, i don’t even know if any of that’s going to be feasible in the fall. it’s so FRUSTRATING because i’ll think of a possibility and then another one comes in and completely shuts the former down.

and it’s not like i can ask anyone for advice right now because we’re ALL none the wiser. plus, i’ve realized that frankly, even if it’s unreasonable, i don’t want anyone to tell me that my plans for a gap year aren’t feasible. it’s such a petulant thing to say... but i don’t want anyone to add to my sense of there being a limited amount of options that i can take advantage of because everything’s already so goddamn stifling as is. i guess the prospect of a gap year excites me so much because it seems like a year where i don’t have to be defined by anyone or anything but myself. and that’s so fucking liberating.

i just want the freedom to imagine right now because that’s when i feel happiest, but at the same time i’m afraid to get my hopes up for anything because i have this sinking feeling that the absolute worst case scenario is going to become reality. lmao. people in my state aren’t even fucking social distancing correctly so i’m damn sure that we’re in for a second and a third wave and that’s gonna suck but people are stupid as hell :)

lol on that positive note, thanks for reading this... increasingly depressing and chaotic rant. don’t really think i’m doing this “blog” stuff right but if you got this far, i love you. leave a note if you so please, comment your thoughts, reblog if you’d like (still don’t really understand the difference between reblogging and reposting on this app but lmao feel free to click the boxy arrow thing), and stay safe and healthy and all that jazz <3

#corona #high school #senior year #college #rant #blog #if you can call a frayed amalgam of rants a blog lmao #writeblr #i'm doing this shit wrong I can FEEL IT #anyway thanks for reading #I read this back and it sounds way more dramatic and deep than it is I apologize for the melodrama

1 note · View note

alo-piss-trancy · 5 years

Note

What would be some Grell omorashi headcanons?

Quick Note: I tend to use she/her for Gr/ell and hc her as a tra/ns wo/man, but I also understand between canon sources, non-canon char interviews, author intentions, dif cultural views, The time period the canon takes place in vs. The year the media was published vs. Our current time now changing views/terms, it's ALL a giant clustertruck question mark blob. So feel free to hc Gre/ll differently, be that a very feminine ga/y man or b/i or nonb/inary or whatever, I genuinely don't mind how anyone hcs characters and fan content does not affect my enjoyment of canon in any way. I'm never gonna pick fights and claim somebody's playing with their imaginary Barbie wrong lmao, kindergarteners know better than that

Now to the actual ask:

ANON I LOVE YOU!!! Gr/ell is one of my fav chars EVER but I never get to talk about her hhhhh ❤❤❤

I've had 8 dang years to think about this so enjoy a varied selection 😼 I'm sorry in advance bc half of these are very lemony oops

General:

* Reapers have stronger bladders than humans (in terms of capacity/general strength), but they're still much weaker than a demon's (goes for all bodily functions tbh. Demons don't really have any, the only reason they would need to go is if they chose to partake in occasional food/drink, and could easily hold it for weeks or even months at a time). A reaper can probably hang in there with a full bladder for a day or two if very determined, less if they've had any strong diuretics/alcohol (I imagine the humans' stuff is p weak tho and barely gets them buzzed).

* Gr/ell's bladder is stronger than a newbie like Ro/nald's, but weaker than someone like W/ill's. Mostly bc she's frequently drinking unhealthy stuff and has no problem up and ditching to pee as soon as she's tired of waiting.

* Not bladdershy in the slightest, and not dysp/horic either. (While she wants a womb/too look more womanly, she also seems fairly content with her body and even takes pride in it in several scenes.) The only time I could see her getting nervous/locking up is if she had a really bad day or felt extra self-conscious, and it wouldn't be a very severe condition.

* She doesn't like going in weird/gross places because she is a Beautiful Lady With Standards, thank you very much. If she has absolutely no choice she'll suck it up and pee in an alley like the commoner humans, but she will complain about it for the next few years at every opportunity.

* That being said she's also a huge hypocrite, and if the situation was reversed would immediately snap at someone like W/ill or Ro/nald to just go in the alley already instead of failing to hide their desperation on the job. You bunch of damn babies, grow a pair.

* If she needs to be serious/doesn't want ppl to know, she can hide desperation fairly well (a little clumsy/flushed and sweaty, but that could be mistaken as her normal goofy behavior), masking how bad it really is until she's a minute from wetting herself.

* If she doesn't care and wants to complain though, she's obvious af. Whines and gripes the whole time, full-blown potty dance to garner sympathy, legs crossed and bouncing, everything. By the time she gets to the suspiciously e/rotic moans ppl usually hurry to find her a bathroom/yell at her to leave lol

* There have definitely been times when Gre/ll used going to the bathroom as an excuse to ditch work for a LONG time or took many frequent smaller breaks to do her nails/read magazines/flirt with Seb, etc. Needless to say, this backfires terribly the one time she actually does have to go because W/illiam definitely isn't putting up with her bs no matter how much she begs or squirms. He's even madder at her when he realizes he'll have to clean the floor. If she wasn't so mad/embarrassed herself, she'd have taken joy in his karma and gladly told him to suck her d/ick.

* That's def not the first time W/ill's seen her desperate or piss herself. As young stud reapers in training I guarantee G/rell got shitfaced at company parties on more than one occasion (or just went out drinking the night before work on a weekday lol). Frequently showed up for field work having to pee every other hour and driving him nuts c':

* She and Ma/dame Red definitely fooled around a couple of times (she's the only woman Gr/ell's ever been attracted to) . Maybe Gr/ell already had the kink and brought it up, or maybe Red saw Gr/ell squirming and asked (insisted) she let her watch until she lost control, but either way things got dirty real quick lmao. Red slapped a demon's ass in the same room as her nephew, she's dom AF (and inappropriate lmao). G/rell's a giant masochist/sadist combo. Do the math 👀👌💯

* I personally love the concept of her ending up desperate after inviting herself along and crashing one of C/iel and Seb/astian's missions and just being miserable the whole time trying to hide it. Because she def can't embarrass herself in front of B/assy, but even worse she will NOT prove she has to take a potty break before some human kid. Naturally, C/iel being the complete brat and posessive bitch he is, immediately picks up on her predicament and torments her the whole time/makes a fool of her without letting Seb know the real issue. She can't lay a finger on him because she'd be Dead and she can't whine for B/assy to get him to stop bc that would mean explaining her problem so it just keeps escalating in comedic fashion. (This isn't even an omo hc really sorry lol, I just love any plot with those two bickering like petty babies as rivals for Seb's attention, even better if Ci/el consistently pulls one over on her and is the more mature one. You killed my aunt and then tried to steal my butler, Get Rekt Bitch )

* In any aus where she isn't hooking up with Red or trying to get Seb, I ship her hard with Un/dertaker (they're my otp actually don't judge me). In those he's actually the one with a massive piss kink and she's weirded tf out at first, but I mean if ur bf already eats dog biscuits and sleeps in a coffin u can probs learn to live with it. She indulges him periodically and he spoils her rotten afterwards. (I actually had several fic ideas for those two back in the day. One day maybe I'll finally get around to it).

* No matter what she draws a hard line at drinking it. No thank you. Golden showers are a maybe but they better have some gr8 shampoo to scrub her luxurious hair with afterwards.

* Wetting herself in that too small choir outfit from s1 that basically made short shorts and a crop top? P l e a s e

Dom G/rell:

* Has totally tried to pin Seb down/trap him somewhere and use his increasing desperation as leverage to get what she wants since he's too proper to wet himself. It probably doesn't work bc he's crafty and also could just throw her across the room, but u know. Points for trying.

* When someone lets her dom them willingly she's an absolutely sadistic fiend. W/ill completely torment them until they're begging and broken, and they have to pleasure her first before she'll show any mercy and allow them to let go. That said, she's got an almost sweet tone to anything she says and is very affectionate the whole time. It's a dichotomy that leaves any subs an absolute wreck. Her absolute fav part is watching ppl squirm and start to leak, it's cute.

* She also likes doing the whole fake sympathy play, where everything nice she says makes it 20x worse for the sub. Poor babies ❤

* Making out so they can't say anything no matter how desperate they are, just writhing underneath her with their whimpers muffled in her mouth? Perfection.

* Slowly pressing her boot into someone's abdomen is her signature move.

Sub Gr/ell:

* Loves the whole humiliation aspect and being all squirmy and nervous in front of (S/EBASTIAN) people, struggling to hide her problems and act casual but knowing her face is flushed red.

* When it gets really bad she gets super whiny and submissive, whimpering and moaning and really playing up the vulnerable aspect. Look how pitiful she is, it would be oh so easy for them to have their way with her~ (and then she bats her eyelashes and they just glare ajdkgk stop fucking around G/rell this is a Serious Scene we talked about this before we started)

* Sometimes she does public holds or gets desperate before a mission/visit just so she can see how long she can get away with it before she has to cave/people get suspicious. It's k/inky, exh/ibitionist, and oh so delicious~

* Lives for (S/EBASTIAN) the dom to get mad and disappointed in her, verbally berating her for not being more composed and embarrassing them in public, manhandling her as she's dragged somewhere more secluded to get ahold of herself, being teased and poked and prodded all while they're sneering in her ear. She wants to feel like the dirtiest, most ashamed and nervous person alive for such a simple need, knowing it's going to come out eventually no matter how hard she tries to be Good, having to beg and plead with teary eyes only to be denied access to the bathroom and told to suck it up and hold it.

* She really liked her original disguise/persona from the Ma/dame Red Days for this exact reason. Could be as shy and stuttery as possible and really play it up, got bossed around/teased by everyone, it was great. Totally got desperate once or twice so 'he' could beg Seb/astian to use the manor bathroom and get pitied. If he 'tripped' and just so happened to lose control and start crying, well, that couldn't be helped...

#omocute #omorashi #fandomo #fictomo #bear gets a letter #kuro omo

3 notes · View notes

echoes-of-realities · 6 years

Text

be my fire in the cold (and I'll be waiting by the mistletoe) - 1/25

* * *

[Fanfiction] // [ao3]

[Next Chapter]

Summary: When the production stage manager for George Balanchine’s The Nutcracker, starring one Brittany S. Pierce, is fired seven shows into its run, Santana is hired and thrown into the production with barely any preparation.

Notes: So remember that little something for Christmas I mentioned back in November? Yeah, this is that. And by “little” I actually mean a 25 chapter fic I’ve been working on since October. This is why I haven’t posted anything for so long, because I’ve been working on this since then. I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for sure that I’d be able to finish it, but here it is! I’ll be posting one chapter a day until Christmas, hopefully around the same time everyday but I can’t guarantee that for sure lol.

If you have any questions about the technical terms in the theatre just ask and I’ll try my best to answer! Obviously not everything will be perfect since most of my theatre experience is from the pit band and what I’ve learned from Broadway videos, but artistic liberties and all that. I’ll also be adding links to each chapter for the ones before and after once I post them too! So hopefully it will be easy to navigate on tumblr, and if not just go to ao3 or fanfiction lmao.

All chapter titles are from “Smile at Snow” by dodie.

Chapter 1: how were we to know

///

“Simpatico, it’s Italian for ‘sympathetic.’ Hearts beating to the same pulse. That’s what music does for one, you know—I mean, for two. For more. It trains hearts to lean in the same direction. Sympathetically.” ― Gregory Maguire, Hiddensee: A Tale of the Once and Future Nutcracker

///

When Santana accepted the job offer as production stage manager for The Nutcracker, a prestigious and professional production, she didn’t really think that she was going to be thrown right in the deep end; she assumed that the old production stage manager was taking a leave of absence and she would be able to shadow him for a couple days, not that he had been unexpectedly fired on Friday morning and that she would be shadowing the assistant stage manager for two shows on Saturday and running her first one by the Sunday matinee.

And yet, here she is, dodging half dressed dancers and props bigger than she is, only two hours before the matinee, trailing after two blonde women who are frantically talking on their phones, occasionally exchanging them before resuming their frantic conversations. Usually Santana thrives on the organized chaos of a production, but she can do little more than duck under stretching limbs and just try to keep track of the flashes of blonde ahead of her.

It’s not that she’s overwhelmed, per se, she’s done other ballets and she’s done Broadway, she’s done community theatre and she’s done a short stint for an opera, she’s done touring companies and she’s done Off-Broadway, she’s even done a couple other productions of The Nutcracker itself; she’s been working as a stage manager for years, and she’s damn good at her job. It’s just, usually she has weeks or months of rehearsals before a show begins; at the very least, she usually gets to meet the rest of the stage management team before she’s thrown in the deep-end for the first show.

Holly and Quinn, the director and the assistant stage manager, eventually make it to the call desk, a tiny little alcove just off stage right, with monitors on the front of the stage and the pit. There’s a man in a wheelchair already squished in the tiny space, his glasses slipping down his nose, staring intently at the screen and muttering into his headset.

“Artie,” Quinn greets, and the man offers her a half-hearted salute. “Artie,” Quinn repeats, waiting until the man finally glances up before she gestures to Santana, “This is Santana Lopez, the new production stage manager.”

Artie blinks and offers her a grin, reaching over to shake Santana’s hand, almost running over Holly’s foot in the tiny space. “Nice to meet you,” he says, “Your resume is a mile long.”

Santana shrugs as she shakes his hand; it’s a little clammy and she wipes her hand on her black jeans as subtly as she can as leans back. “It kinda has to be to land this job.”

Artie laughs and nods as Holly finally hangs up the phone. “I forgot how frantic this place is outside of rehearsals,” she groans. She rummages around on the tiny desk, much to Artie’s poorly-concealed annoyance as she displaces knickknacks and rearranges papers, until she produces Santana’s new prompt book. She passes it to Santana, who’s fingers are already itching to crack the spine of the binder and start writing her own notes in; Artie hands her a spare pen with a knowing grin. “Today’s show is going to be a little insane,” Holly explains, “But you’ll do fine, sweet cheeks. You have a steep learning curve.” Santana’s not really sure how Holly could possibly know that, seeing as the last time they worked together Santana was still in college and barely an assistant to the assistant stage manager, but she nods anyways. “I’m going to get Quinn to give you the tour while I get ready for the matinee, and then we’ll hole up in the stage manager’s office and go through the show from the screens in there. For the evening show—” Holly’s phone phone rings and cuts her off, and she groans as she answers it, waving Quinn and Santana off towards the vague direction of the rest of the theatre, and they take their cue to leave just as Holly starts getting heated with whatever poor soul is on the other end of the line.

Santana flips through the book as she trails after Quinn, half-listening to her explanations and introductions; it’s second nature to dodge props and racks of costumes and stretching dancers by this point, even in the dimmed lights of backstage, so she keeps most of her attention focused on reading through the calls even though she’s never actually seen the blocking. She inwardly groans, the next couple shows really are going to be absolutely insane.

When Quinn takes a breath in her explanation of the Christmas tree prop and the mechanical issues they’ve been having lately, Santana finally glances up from the prompt book. “So why didn’t they just promote you?” she asks, “Seems like it would have been easier that way.”

Quinn’s head whips around to glare at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?” she snaps. Santana glances up at Quinn and frowns at the look on her face. “Wow, cool the fires there, Beelzebub. I meant why would they hire someone new when you obviously know the show already.”

“Oh,” Quinn says, and she has the grace to look a little sheepish, “This is only the second production I’ve worked on, and it’s my first big one too. They offered, since I’ve been working with the show since the very beginning, but I’m nowhere near ready to run a production myself, especially something as big as this.”

Santana nods and returns to flipping through the prompt book while Quinn returns to narrate what seems to be the entire history of the theatre. It’s not like Santana’s uninterested in learning about how old this production is, or how they use the original props, or what famous person happened to sneeze right where they’re standing, it’s just priorities; Santana’s supposed to be running this production by tomorrow and she hasn’t even skimmed through the second act in the prompt book. Holly warned her that it would be crazy during her interview, because Holly had to be across the country for a mandated meeting tomorrow morning and would be leaving Santana, who only knew the names of about five people in the entire building, to fend for herself.

It’s not that she doesn’t love a good challenge, it’s just frustrating when her pay-check and reputation hinges on said challenge.

She ducks under a large candy cane swinging towards her head and groans at the thought.

Quinn leads her to the principal hallway, squeezing between stray dancers wandering the tiny hallway. The walls are lined with racks of costumes and wigs, and Santana takes a moment to admire the care put into the costumes; Quinn said that this production has been reusing their costumes from the very first performance, all the way back in 1954, and despite the slightly musty smell clinging to the fabric, they’ve obviously been well cared for. Quinn knocks on a door halfway down the hallway, and Santana quickly snaps out of her admiration to catch up to her. The name on the door reads The Nutcracker/The Prince, and a man Santana already knows well opens the door.

“Santana!” he exclaims, “I didn’t realize you were actually starting already!” Quinn blinks and glances between them, her face a picture of confusion, as Mike pulls Santana into a tight hug.

“You two know each other?” she asks slowly.

Santana rolls her eyes and halfheartedly struggles to escape from Mike’s embrace. “Unfortunately he’s been dating my best friend since college,” she complains as Mike finally releases her, but not before giving her an obnoxious kiss on the crown of her head. Santana swats at him a little but he just continues to grin at her; dating my best friend is an understatement of their relationship, because Santana counts him as one of two people she truly trusts with everything and anything, but it’s not like she’s going to acknowledge that when he’s being irritatingly affectionate just to annoy her.

Quinn’s hazel eyes glow with amusement. “Oh, so you’re the infamous Santana that Tina’s always talking about.”

“All bad things, I promise,” Tina calls from the couch.

“Oh, shut up,” Santana snipes as she turns a withering glare on her. Tina just rolls her eyes, as unfazed by Santana’s snark as she was their first day of college, and continues reading her magazine, her feet propped up on the coffee table.

“Alright,” Quinn says slowly, “Uh, I guess we should go meet Brittany then.”

“She’s not in yet,” Mike says. “She had that appointment, remember?”

“She said she’d be here in time for half hour,” Tina adds.

“Right,” Quinn shrugs and glances at Santana, “I guess you’ll meet her between shows then.”

“I mean, I still don’t know half the stage management team,” Santana says dryly, “One more person won’t make a difference.”

Tina chuckles. “Brittany’s just lucky that she doesn’t have to see your annoying face for a couple hours yet.”

“Get me out of here before we have to send the understudy on,” Santana comments mildly, Quinn grins and leads them out the door.

“Love you, Santana,” Tina and Mike chorus.

“Yeah, whatever,” she grumbles as she pulls the door shut firmly so they don’t see her begrudgingly fond smile; of course, being her best friends, they don’t need to see it to know it’s there.

Quinn weaves through the theatre and points out people that Santana’s sure she’s going to forget about in roughly three seconds. Usually by this point Santana has all the company and crew members memorized, but she’s starting to realize that this entire experience is going to be one stumbling improvisation after another for the first little bit. She meets the conductor, Will Schuester, who Quinn introduces as Schue; Kurt Hummel is the head of costumes and he talks rapid fire as he explains some important quick changes while Santana scribbles down notes in her prompt book; Finn Hudson and Noah “Puck” Puckerman, who leers at her and Quinn while Santana resists the urge to make fun of his nickname, work in props and are running the department while the head, Emma Pillsbury, is out sick; Quinn rolls her eyes when she introduces her to the sound crew and its head, Blaine Anderson, and the sound his voice already sets Santana’s teeth on edge; Unique Adams explains some of the more complicated lighting calls from her booth and Santana adds some more notes into her prompt book; Quinn points out the head of the automaton department, Dave Karofsky, who is busy wrestling with some of the ropes on a fly; Lauren Zizes is the fourth and final member of the stage management team, and she gives Santana a wide smirk and a good luck before turning back to talking to Artie over her headset.

Quinn also introduces her to some of the corps dancers and kids, but she doesn’t pay much attention because she has more important people to memorize before the show starts, like the name of every department head that she’s pretty sure she’s already forgotten.

Quinn hands her a headset with an apologetic glance. “I know it’s pretty overwhelming—”

“I’m not overwhelmed,” Santana protests automatically. Quinn just keeps staring at her blankly. “I’m a little bit whelmed at the most,” Santana finally concedes, and Quinn snorts in amusement.

“This is going to be interesting,” she says as the announcement booms throughout the theatre for half hour.

Santana settles the headset over her ears, and it eases her instantly; there’s a crackle of static as Quinn stands too close, but she quickly takes a couple steps away and then she grins at Santana, her teeth flashing eerie blue in the dim backstage lights. “I usually run stage right while Zizes does stage left, and Artie runs the call desk,” she explains. “I’m not sure where Holly is but—”

“In the stage manager’s office, sweet cheeks,” drawls through their headsets.

Quinn glances at Santana to point her in the right direction, but Santana is already heading that way.

Holly barely pauses in her near constant stream of phone calls to talk to her. It’s been years since Santana last worked with Holly as a director, back when Santana was just an overtired and overworked college student, but if she knows one thing about the older woman it’s that Holly’s practically a professional at improvising on the fly.

Which means she’s barely surprised when Holly explains that her flight got moved up and that Santana will have to learn the entire show from backstage with Quinn instead of from the comfort of the office where Holly could teach her the blocking over the screen pointed at centre stage. Santana’s done The Nutcracker three different times in three different cities, so she knows the show, which only marginally helps her out because every single production has its quirks, and she has absolutely no clue what to expect with this one.

But she tries not to think of that, and instead nods at Holly and adjusts her headset, clutching her prompt book like it’s a life preserver that’s going to keep her from drowning, which, she realizes, is actually fairly apt. She heads out of the hallway of theatre offices to find Quinn backstage, absently listening to her have an argument with that Blaine guy from sound over the headsets until Zizes interrupts with a particularly harsh quip regarding Blaine’s mother and where, exactly, he can stick it, and the argument dies pretty quickly after that. Quinn is pinching her nose when Santana arrives, only a couple minutes before the five minute call. She seems grateful that Santana’s there and pushes her headset off her ear for a brief moment, tugging the mic away from her mouth and waiting until Santana does the same. “The dance captain for the flower corps just called and she’s stuck on the subway in Brooklyn.”

Santana glances around. “Okay?” she says slowly.

“What do we do?”

Santana blinks at Quinn. “I barely know who the fuck any of these people are, what exactly do you expect me to do?”

Quinn rolls her eyes. “This is a you problem, you’re the production stage manager.”

“For like a three minutes,” Santana mutters but flips through the prompt book anyways. “The flower corps don’t come in until the end of the second act,” Santana says slowly, “If she’s not here by intermission we’ll deal with it then.”

Quinn nods and pushes her headset back into place so she can relay the order to Zizes and Artie. Dancers have already started to gather in the wings, doing last minute stretches, and the team of stagehands Santana still hasn’t met yet dart between them for last minute checks. She spots the two lumbering guys from props heading towards the Christmas tree before they’re hidden behind the fly being lowered to the floor, and then the lights are dimming and the announcement to put cellphones away is booming, and the curtain rises as the first strains of the orchestra fill the theatre.

Santana’s thankful that she already has some experience with the show, because otherwise she would be making even less sense of the chaos backstage than she currently is. Santana mostly ignores Quinn, instead focusing on the blocking and comparing it to her prompt book in the dim, but somehow still harsh blue light backstage. Santana finds herself slipping easily into her position, and soon enough she’s adding her own voice to Quinn’s on the headset. Santana’s always had an instinct for stage management from her very first experience in a theatre, for the mechanical, repetitive, and yet still unpredictable nature of the job, and the instinct has served her well over the years, and before she knows it, intermission is starting and Quinn is clapping her on the shoulder with a grin.

Despite the chaos around them and the too warm weight of Quinn’s hand, Santana has a feeling she’s going to really like the challenge of this production; it will keep her busy and distracted, at the very least, which is something she always needs during the month of December.

Santana’s always found the second act of The Nutcracker to be a little boring without the frantic energy of the party and then the battle in the first act, and she feels almost lazy as Quinn helps herd children into place in the wings; they may be tiny professionals, but it’s only the eighth show so far, and the chaos of backstage can be a little overwhelming, especially for the younger dancers. It’s not until Quinn nudges her and points out the Sugar Plum Fairy, giggling and whispering with some kids, that Santana finally notices the presence of third principal. The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy is always the most interesting to Santana in the second act because the energy of the audience always changes and perks up as soon as that first pluck of the string section drifts through the theatre. Santana creeps closer to the front of the stage as the Sugar Plum Fairy, Brittany, leaves the safe darkness of backstage and emerges into the harsh onstage lights.

The strings pluck the first chord as Brittany enters the stage en pointe, her limbs long and poised with an easy grace, her stiff classic tutu moving easily with her waist as she makes her way to centre stage. On the first note of the celesta, Santana can see the exhilarated smile on Brittany’s face for a split second before she blinks and falls into character even before the second note is ringing out. She moves with the music as if the conductor is pulling on her puppet strings and Santana forgets to concentrate on the blocking and the musical cues in favour of just watching Brittany.

She looks like something off of a ballerina music box, beautiful and delicate, but as she spins across the stage Santana can see the strength and power in her legs, the certain grace and ease in her movements, the concentration and glow in her eyes. Santana’s seen a lot of dancers through her years of stage managing, enough to recognize that spark that differentiates people who dance for a living and for those who live to dance, and Santana can’t help the wide smile spreading across her face as Brittany draws to a stop and the crowd bursts into applause; having that spark in one of the principals is rare, and more than Santana could ever hope for in any production.

She manages to survive both shows with only a little bit of nausea at the thought that she’s supposed to be in charge of the entire production tomorrow; Holly left during intermission of the first show, but Quinn, Zizes, and Artie already work well together, and Santana just needs to find a way to fit herself among them without causing too much friction.

She wanders down the principal hallway, on her way to meet up with Tina before leaving the theatre, when she hears a persistent, loud banging against the wall right beside her. Santana jumps but manages to bite down on her shriek and glances wildly at the wall. The banging pauses for a second before resuming and Santana makes her way to the closest door, poking her head in without knocking; it’s not like anyone would hear her knock over the banging anyways.

She finds the Sugar Plum Fairy, her blonde hair still pinned up but dressed in loose sweats and a baggy sweater, smacking her ballet shoes against the wall with a focus Santana’s rarely seen in anyone, least of all in someone banging their shoe against a wall. Santana clears her throat and Brittany starts a little and quickly glances up.

“Hi,” she grins, giving the shoe one more firm smack against the wall, “You must be Santana.”

Santana swallows the retort on the tip of her tongue when the bluest eyes she’s ever seen land on hers, somehow sparkling even in the poor lighting of the dressing room. She manages a nod as Brittany bends her shoe a little before tossing it onto the coffee table where another shoe, a tiny sewing kit, a hot glue gun, an x-acto knife, and a small pile of resin are scattered. Santana glances at the wall, littered with tiny smudges of pink from Brittany’s banging, and laughs a little, finally realizing why Brittany’s beating the wall with her shoes so violently. “Who knew the Sugar Plum Fairy bangs her own shoes,” she says.

Brittany’s face creases in a smile, thin lips curling up a little lopsided on one side, her cheeks scrunching her blue eyes until they’re catlike and sparkling, and Santana’s chest does this weird spasming, fluttering thing that she tries to ignore. “Well, the Land of Sweets is pretty low on funds,” she says easily.

Santana laughs a little before she steps forward, holding out her hand. “Santana Lopez,” she formally introduces, “Mostly confused, new production stage manager.”

Brittany takes her hand, her fingers sure and strong as they wrap around Santana’s. “Brittany S. Pierce,” she says, “Sugar Plum Fairy and professional shoe banger.” Brittany’s nose wrinkles adorably as she realizes what she just said. “Ew, not like that.”

Santana giggles and only briefly wonders at how easily Brittany coaxed that sound out of her; usually it’s only Tina and Mike that make her comfortable enough to giggle instead of smirk, and that’s mostly because she’s known them for far too long, but there’s something easy about Brittany’s smile that already makes her drop her guard a little bit. “That wouldn’t even be the weirdest thing I’ve seen someone in the company bang,” Santana whispers.

Brittany’s eyes widen comically and she leans forwards eagerly. “Seen?” she exclaims.

Santana shudders, suddenly regretting that she brought it up when the image burned into her memory starts replaying for her. “Unfortunately.”

Brittany giggles and clasps her hands together, rocking backwards on her heels. “Like a train wreck, right?” she asks knowingly.

Santana blinks out of the memory, focusing on the much more pleasing image of Brittany’s sparkling eyes. “Definitely.”

Brittany laughs a little, relaxing again, and there’s a small lull that would normally make Santana fidget with her hands, but Brittany just smiles softly at her and Santana finds herself smiling in return. “So, are you ready for the shows tomorrow?” Brittany finally asks, her voice quiet and warm.

Santana shrugs. “They’re going to be,” she pauses and glances up at the ceiling as she thinks of the right word, “interesting, to say the least.”

The fingers of Brittany’s right hand twitch towards her arm, but freeze a moment later and drop back to her side. Santana wonders what it would feel like to have those clever fingers grazing over her skin, but manages to snap out of her daydreaming with only a little bit of heat in her checks when Brittany speaks again. “I’m sure you’ll do great,” she says easily, “I was talking to Quinn after the show and she was saying that you were a quick study.”

Santana blinks. “Really?” she wonders. It’s not that she thought Quinn would hate her or anything, but, in Santana’s experience, shoving a new person into the production this late always ends up having issues; when sometimes she covers for other stage managers there’s almost always a little bit of tension as everyone tries to adjust to each other.

Brittany nods easily, a small smile curling her lips. “She said that you fit in really well.”

“Well, that’s a relief. I was so worried that everyone would hate me or something,” Santana says, before blinking in surprise. She hadn’t meant to admit that, she’s barely talked about her reservations regarding this job with Tina or Mike, yet somehow Brittany is on the receiving end of Santana’s sudden lack of a filter. “Um, you were amazing tonight, by the way,” she redirects quickly.

Pink blooms in splotches across the peak of Brittany’s cheeks despite the fact that Santana knows that this can’t be the first compliment that Brittany’s ever got. “Thanks,” she mumbles bashfully, and something in Santana’s chest twists when she realizes she really wants to see that blush again, and she’s about to go about doing just that when a voice interrupts them from the door.

“Santana?”

Brittany and Santana both turn to the door, finding Tina smirking from the doorway. Santana feels her face heat up for absolutely no reason as Tina’s eyes dart between her and Brittany. “I thought I heard you in here,” she explains, “I see you’ve finally met Brittany.”

Brittany brightens a little. “Your battle scene was great today,” she greets, “Sam said you actually nailed him in the eye.”

Tina laughs, her face opening and brightening at the compliment. “I threw it weird and didn’t even think I would hit him, but he slipped on his turn and instead of missing him I got him right in the face.”

Brittany grins. “Mike said it was glorious.”

Tina chuckles before glancing at Santana. “You coming? Mike’s already impatiently opened a bottle of wine at home to celebrate your first day.”

Santana hesitates. “There’s two shows tomorrow,” she protests weakly, “And I’ve gotta go through the prompt book a couple more times.”

“The matinee’s not until one,” Tina says easily, more than used to having to drag Santana away from her work.

Brittany glances back and forth between the two friends before settling her eyes on Santana, and the warmth in Brittany’s gaze makes that thing spasm in her chest again. “You only have one first day,” she says wisely.

Santana sighs and glances between the two. “Fine,” she mutters. Tina cheers from the doorway, but Brittany just gives her a quiet smile.

“Have fun,” Brittany says.

Santana sucks in a sharp breath through her nose before offering Brittany a small smile in return. “Thanks,” she murmurs, “See you tomorrow.”

Brittany waves her goodbyes to them as Tina drags her out of the dressing room, marching Santana to the stage manager’s office so they can collect Santana’s jacket and prompt book before she can change her mind and insist on going back to her apartment without celebratory drinks. Tina’s lucky enough to have a good parking space in the building’s parkade, being a principal and all, and they head to the elevators that will take them to the parking level in comfortable silence.

“So what do you think?” Tina says as she starts her car and backs out of her parking space. “How do you think it will go?”

“It’s going to be challenging,” Santana admits, “But, interesting, I think.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Santana bites her lip but once she realizes Tina is sufficiently distracted by watching traffic for her chance to pull out of the parkade her reluctance fades, “I have a good feeling about this show.”

Tina apparently wasn’t distracted as Santana thought she was and glances at Santana out of the corner of her eyes, her eyes curious and intrigued in the brightness of the streetlights and taillights around them. “Really? I haven’t heard you say that about a show in years,” she says carefully.

Blue eyes and a soft smile come unbidden to her mind, and Santana’s thankful for the darkness because it hides the blush she can feel creeping along her cheeks and the back of her neck. “Yeah,” she finally says, “I have a really good feeling about it.”

#brittana #brittany pierce #santana lopez #glee #brittana fanfiction #glee fanfiction #my writing #story: be my fire in the cold (and I'll be waiting by the mistletoe)#trying to keep this under wraps has been Hard because Christmas is like my favourite time of year and I've been really excited to write this #also I don't actually know how big of a production this version of the nutcracker is #so I took some artistic liberties with the backstage crew #like some big productions on broadway will have a production stage manager #and then assistant stage managers who run the stage wings and the call desk #and then a team of stage hands #but that's for Big productions so we're going to pretend george balanchine's the nutcracker is that Big #because actually finding that info is Hard #also some shows have a cast a and cast b but george balanchine's doesn't Seem to from what I found online so that's what I went with

57 notes · View notes

flydotnet · 6 years

Text

Home

VRAINS Rarepair Week - Day 1: Domestic/Adventure

Summary: Ema discovers croissants and playing games together with her boyfriend

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS Ships: Hireshipping (Ema/Akira)

Wordcount: 1.1K words

Notes: The floor is writing Datastormshipping: the week. It kind of turned out to be the "Playing Games" prompt later down the line, but it's okay lmao. It's not very inspired and I'm very rusty for VRAINS, but I hope I can provide good shit for y'all. It's kind of over the place haha. I just hope I'll write longer stuff for the next days, this one is really short. I think this would happen after the hypothetical show finale? Who knows, I just wanted to write something for this good Rarepair Week day 1.

Event hosted by @vrainsrarepairweeks

AO3 version available here.

It’s still weird to wake up every day and realize once again that this is what her life has become. It really is.

The weirdest thing for Ema was to wake up in a well-furnished flat to the smell of pastries. She was more of a cereals-and-milk kind of gal when living alone, because it was easy to make and didn’t cost her an A.I.’s arm to pull together and eat before delving into today’s activities. To be fair, that was also because she was always lazy to make herself real breakfast. Cereals did the job perfectly fine, why put it more effort than that in it? Eating wasn’t a very big deal anyway, compared to what she could use her brain and energy for. Hacking, spying, missions? Now that was the big, real deal. The juicy stuff, if you will. The adrenaline thrill from the forbidden aspect of it all and the rewards from it exceeded just money to buy cup noodles.

But now, this is all different. When she wakes up, she doesn’t have to worry about what kind of cereals she ate yesterday to make sure she mixes it up enough not to get bored of one flavour. Now, when she makes it to the dining room, she is greeted by a table with real breakfast food on it, whose smell is guaranteed to make someone hungry. With her sister-in-law gone to college, she knows it’s all for the both of them, thus why it’s little but still expensive enough for her to feel a bit awkward about the entire ordeal. She isn’t used to being rich yet.

Of course, breakfast is long done by now, since she’s on her laptop and he’s next to her with yet another order from his boss to take a day off or… a thousand, because he can’t be employee of the month every month. This is the only way they can force him not to come at work, so he gulps his pride down and she always laughs it off internally as not to offend him. You never know, with her boyfriend: sometimes, he is rather sensitive and irritable about some topics. That’s why he’s so fun to date, sometimes: it’s easy to make him embarrassed and the Winged Dragon of Ra sure knows how much she loves to embarrass people. It’s so easy, yet so fun: it’s all a question of finding a new creative way to do it.

By definition, Akira is the guy who is always serious, always straight and always stiff, too much so in fact. It took her a while to soften to him because of this: but when he shines, he sure shines. When he gets concerned for his sister, when he dares show a bit less pristineness, when he worries for her, that’s when she kind of melts on the inside. Of course, she’d never show it: the always-cool Ghost Girl can’t show she’s weak for anyone, and especially not her former main hirer. She knows she shows her own softer sides when they’re alone together: her messy bedhead hair, her unironic love for magical girl animes, her collection of pretty cards that suck in duels but are too pretty to pass up, her pink laced… Wait, scratch that one. The day Akira found those, she was redder than Flame.

“You look like you’re bored beyond your mind,” she asks him as she notices he’s getting restless on his own computer. His screen? His emails. Again.

“I hadn’t planned to have a day off today. How are you supposed to fill your time when you have nothing to do?”

“You’re making days off sound like a chore. That’s such a you thing to say,” she deadpans back, wishing she could be disappointed about the situation.

“Then, perhaps you could teach me how to kill time when we’re both here and free to do so?”

“You bet I can.”

Before he knows it, she has already put out a few games on her laptop to show him around gaming. It’s an old hobby that kind of went extinct with the rise of Link VRAINS and Duel Monsters in general, but she still practices it happily when she’s not on a mission for some money. It’s not because she lives with Mr Zaizen of SOL Technologies that she’s decided to be a housewife that does nothing all day.

These games, she has collected them year after year, torrent after torrent, and buying the ones she genuinely enjoyed and loved. These games, she has had some of these since she was a child: they may not be Game of the Year-worthy, but their pixels and music is still dear to her and she will defend these one-on-one in the pit. There is an excitement to show these to her boyfriend, thinking about how she may be able to virtually kick his ass in her favourite fighting game. She’d have to get out of her old console for it, though, but it’ll be worth it.

He asks her an infinite amount of questions about these games. God, the guy really hasn’t caught a break since he was sixteen or so, he seems to just be discovering what fun is on a computer. The games that get Akira the most interested are, without a surprise, simulators. Her hospital simulator, an old thing from a century ago or so, is the most fascinating so far, so they play it together. She has to explain to him the point is to make a ton of money and not just to cure poor virtual patients, but once she does, he immediately gets the hang of it. She’s the mouse and he’s the instructions.

“Place a dispenser here, it’ll attract people in queue for the doctor and it’ll give us money.”

“Put a fire extinguisher here, it’ll kill the rats and we won’t have to hire a new janitor to take care of that, then you sell it again or keep it place on another spot later.”

His advice was always good, it always worked, and then she wondered why he wasn’t into gaming in the first place. That guy had a gifted talent for simulation games.

“Hey, you’re actually really good at these! You played them before, don’t tell me otherwise,” Ema tells him as she cannot retain inside her admiration, and yet her frustration and jealousy.

“Never,” Akira replies seriously but with a slight smile when he notices how envious she’s getting. “But if you want, we can finish this game together. It seems like we form a good tandem.”

“Smartass… Yeah, works for me. Let’s finish that game with your expert advice and my,” she makes a dramatic pause before glancing at him, seductress eyes on, “professional clicking skills.”

That gets him to flush. Mission accomplished.

There is one thing to get out of this afternoon of playing: Ema needs to play simulator games with him more often.

#vrains #hireshipping #fanfiction #Flygon writes #vrainsrarepairweek

12 notes · View notes

eldritchsurveys · 6 years

Text

o82.

[[ Random Survey Questions // By @x-hallie-x ]] 1. When was the last time you just wanted to be alone? What about the last time you really wanted to be around people? >> I don’t remember the last time I wanted either of these things consciously... like, they might be vague thoughts or feelings floating around in my headspace, but I don’t always focus on them. Also, I’m never alone, technically, so I guess there’s that.

2. Have you ever gone somewhere in your pajamas? What makes this acceptable or unacceptable to you? >> Yeah, sure, I used to walk to bodegas and shit in NYC in pajamas quite often. There’s really no point in changing if I’m just walking down the street to get a 40 or a sandwich, like... Also, the only dress requirement for leaving the house in a casual sense is to just be decent -- bits covered, you know. The idea that one must wear a certain kind of clothing in order to be seen outside of one’s domicile isn’t necessarily true. (Now, if I were going to a specific venue that did have a specific mode of dress -- a certain kind of event, say, or a government office, or something, then yes, I would wear the appropriate clothing. But like, no one in your local corner store cares how the fuck you’re dressed as long as you’re dressed.)

3. Other than the usual things like IDs, etc, what do you always carry with you when you go out? >> The only things that are always present with me when I leave the house, no matter where I’m going, are the standard PKW (phone, keys, wallet) and my lip balm. (If it’s daytime, then also sunglasses.)

4. If you were to go on a picnic, what type of setting would you prefer, what types of food would you bring, and would you bring anyone along with you? >> Honestly, anywhere somewhat nature-y is good as far as location is concerned, even if it’s just a municipal park or a place like Union Square (which isn’t a park so much as it’s a... like, town-square kind of construct). I guess the food I’d bring would just be anything portable and easy to eat without needing a table (sandwiches are always good, of course, but even something like a plate from the hot-food spread at Whole Foods is good, I’ve picnicked with that). A lot of my outdoor eating escapades have been alone, so like, it doesn’t matter who’s with me, I guess. Anyone who wants to come.

5. What is one song you feel as though you sing particularly well, if any? >> Guaranteed by Eddie Vedder. I think Eddie and I have a lot of vocal similarities. Which is good, because I love him and his voice. :p

6. Have you ever kept a mood chart or anything like that? Did it help you pick up any useful patterns in your moods? >> I’ve never tried to keep a chart of them, no, especially since I’m not sure what half of my feelings even are, when I do have them.

7. What was the last lengthy task you completed? >> The survey I took yesterday. :p

8. Do you look toward the future or focus more on the here and now? Are you good at being in the moment, or do you always feel drawn to worrying about other things? >> I do a lot better when I only have the present to focus on. It kinda glitches me to think about the future too much, not because of anxiety or anything, but just because it kind of doesn’t make sense to me. I can think about the future in entirely abstract terms, like for the sake of argument or flights of fancy, but not in any concrete sense. It is the greatest great unknown, and I’ve never had any success trying to manipulate it or understand myself through it. I don’t know what I’m going to be doing (or who I will be) in the next hour, and people want me to think about months and years into the future?! Wild. I also think that the way I’ve lived the past decade-plus before moving here made thinking about the future really difficult for me, because I was really living from day to day. When I’m concerned about where I’m going to sleep from night to night, planning for a future seems like a luxury rather than a fact of life. But also, I guess... I just like to focus on what I’m doing right now. I like to be present here. I have a pretty deep-set confidence that the future will take care of itself as long as I take care of the present, but if I focus too much on the future then I will have missed the plot entirely. I feel more secure when I focus on the present. It is the only point in time in which I truly exist.

9. What does it mean to you to have empathy? Do you think you’re an empathetic person? >> I’m not really sure what empathy means anymore, to be honest. I definitely don’t consider myself an empathetic person, by any of the definitions that I’ve heard. I think I can empathise with fictional characters, because I’m a storyteller and jumping into the heads of characters is kind of integral to telling honest stories... but actual people in front of me, not so much. (Characters are a lot less complex by design, anyway. Kind of like the difference between Sims and people -- Sims’ needs and motivations are pretty obvious and predictable, whereas people are... wild cards, a lot of the time.)

10. What was the last thing you did that was particularly selfish? What about selfLESS? >> I’m really not sure.

11. What is something about your life that is currently beyond your control? >> The weather, lmao. I’m watching it get real cloudy real fast and I’m like “but... I want the sun... :(” The weather don’t care what I want. ... Annnnnd it just started raining. Pfft.

12. What is one small thing you could do to change about your life for the better? >> Eating healthier is always the top option. I mean, I don’t eat badly or anything, it’s just that there’s always improvement to be made in that area. But I also understand that obsessing over my consumption is actually just as counterproductive, so I try not to make a big deal out of it, and just enjoy what I’m eating. We all gotta die of something anyway, I guess. It might as well taste good, or else what is really even the point.

13. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? >> I like urban photography -- not necessarily shiny cityscapes, but more like... street-level urban, like of old abandoned buildings and back alleys and people sitting on stoops and just city life. I like various landscapes, especially deserts/tundras, and marshes and complex ecosystems. And I like photography that evokes certain Moods(tm), whether it be because of the content or because of the lighting or the framing or... whatever. It’s definitely that “I know it when I see it” kind of thing. I don’t really take photos of anything except myself and random things I want to show people, I guess.

14. Have you ever gone out for the black friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? >> I have never been shopping on Black Friday, but I have been just out and about while it was happening. I don’t really care for that kind of thing -- I like the sales and stuff, but I don’t like the mad rush. It just makes me feel kinda... alienated, like, in a “this is what life is?” kind of way. Just a deeply personal feeling, nothing against the whole concept.

15. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? >> I do enjoy reading those things, and I wish I had more of them, but the ones that were on paper have been lost for a long time and a lot of the internet sites I used in the beginning are no longer active and the content has been lost (or I can’t find it anymore). My old deviantART accounts are pretty much the oldest content of mine that still exists on the internet in a form that I can access, and although a lot of that stuff is definitely amusing, I can’t imagine finding it embarrassing.

16. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? >> Drawing, maybe? I don’t know. My most recently developed one is probably MMO gaming.

17. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat // cold, etc? & when was the last time you felt especially cranky? >> I’m not sure, since keeping track of my moods isn’t something I really do with any success or skill. Maybe sensory overload -- that’s always a reliable mood-tanker, and a lot of my inexplicable moodiness/mental exhaustion can probably be attributed to just being overloaded. The last time I felt cranky was last evening, and I’m not sure why, but it probably had something to do with being frustrated about Dragon Age Inquisition being broken and then like... some low-grade dissatisfaction with life or something. Nothing worth making a mountain out of.

18. What are some ways you deal with stress? Are these healthy or helpful to you? >> Distraction is usually my method. Playing video games, watching tv or youtube, slam-dunking myself into a pile of plushies, making origami stars and listening to music, that sort of thing. And yeah, I think distracting myself from stress is pretty healthy for me, since it lowers the cortisol and enables me to approach whatever is stressing me out later on without the heightened emotional response. (Although, also, a fair amount of my stress isn’t based on anything that’s solvable or like... worth even giving attention, so the distraction enables me to refocus my energies onto something actually worth doing, so then later I can just be like “lmao that wasn’t even a big deal” and go on with my life.)

19. What advice, if any, would you give someone else in your situation? >> I’m not sure what situation I’m in, lmao.

20. In general, are you the type to feel comfortable giving advice? Has anyone ever come to you for advice and you had no idea what to tell them? >> I feel comfortable giving it if it’s an area I feel experienced or skilled in. Otherwise I’ll just flat-out say that I don’t have any advice, or point them to someone that might.

21. What is one common area of life in which you feel you have little to no experience (college, children, marriage, etc)? >> Definitely college, I can’t even... like, fathom college. What is college even like??? All I have to go by is movies and shit, lmao. I’ve not been married yet, so that’ll be a new experience (although I strongly suspect it won’t be too much different from being unmarried, aside from getting accustomed to using a different set of words to describe my relationship). I have no experience in not being poor, since I’ve never not been poor. This is the most not-poor I’ve felt, but like, that’s not because of anything that’s changed in my personal finances. I just live in a cooperative household.

22. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? >> I don’t know, really. I don’t do a whole lot of complaining unless it’s a quick vent and then I move on (or unless someone I’m talking to is bitching about something and I’m like “OMG SAME” and we have a little bitchfest lmao). I don’t really like to focus on stuff like that.

23. Besides money, what is something you would like to have more of in your life? >> Meatspace socialisation.

24. What types of blogs do you like to follow? If you have a tumblr, how has your blogging style changed over the years, if at all? >> I follow over 900 blogs, I don’t even know what my “type” is. I just follow whatever looks good at the time, and then unfollow if I get bored of the content or whatever. I think my blogging style has changed in the sense that I’m not as... talkative? I used to make a lot more text posts on my personal and then I kind of just... stopped. I’m trying to get back into it lately, varying up my content, appearing more like a person instead of just a reblog bot.

25. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? >> I don’t, because I... I don’t know, executive dysfunction, I guess. Also, like... I don’t have the stuff I want, like the kind of dishes I like, etc, and the kitchen is small and disorganised and usually I just want to get out of it as quickly as possible and yeah, I can’t be bothered with making my food look nice when I can barely be bothered with making food, period. I do like presentation and all of that, I think it’s great and definitely adds to the joy of eating. It’s just... not something I can do right now.

26. When was the last time you were mean or rude to someone else? How about the last time someone acted that way toward you? >> I don’t remember. I don’t think I’m especially rude in general, I’m just straightforward and I think people prefer sweeter tones or whatever. I’d rather put my social energy into saying what I mean rather than saying it in a way that makes everyone feel warm and fuzzy, or whatever, I don’t know. It’s just not a priority of mine to sound “nice”. It’s never been. I don’t remember the last time someone was rude to me, mostly because I forget shit like that really easily. It’s low on the importance scale.

27. What kinds of things are most likely to make you lose your temper? Have you ever done something regrettable or embarrassing while angry? >> It’s really hard to get me to lose my temper completely, which is good, because I already give an aggressive impression -- imagine what it’s like when I’m actually feeling aggressive. I’ve definitely done things that I would rather not have done when I’m angry, which is another reason why it’s good I don’t get angry often.

28. What has stood out about this day in particular? Has this day been an average day in terms of what you usually experience? >> Well, it’s still only 11a. That random two-minute rain was interesting (it’s now partly-cloudy again), but that’s it so far, really. This is a pretty average day.

29. How would you describe your current mood? Do you experience a lot of highs and lows or are your moods relatively stable? What is the most your mood has changed in a day? >> My mood is my normal baseline, which is... no mood. Like, I really don’t have a mood most of the day, unless something specific happens to change it. I kind of exist in a comfortable greyness most of the time, with little spikes here and there.

30. Do you remember what it was that got you into taking surveys in the first place, or why you initially decided to stick with them? Where did you originally start out taking surveys? Are there any blogs you recommend (lol, I’m always looking for more surveys!)? >> Man, I have noooo idea. It was over 10 years ago by now, so surveys really just feel like a permanent fixture in my life. I think I first took them on MySpace? That seems likely. And I’m in the same boat as you, I think, lmao -- I just take the ones in the tag or on LJ or whatever the “random” function on Bzoink gives me that isn’t terrible (there are so many bad surveys on that site lmfao).

#surveys #survey #random survey

5 notes · View notes

australiansanta · 7 years

Text

idk if you’re in the mood to read this like idk you might be stressed or upset or angry or you might even be happy and #living and you might be like wtf im already living for it stop like trying to be positive but honestly i hope you guys are in a good place like i know mental health is such a... whats the word im looking for ....... ....... ...... ummm idk the only word i can think of is ‘iffy’ like i know mental health is such an iffy thing like it can change so quickly, intensely, at the drop of a hat, for weird/annoying reasons etc, and it can also change in such acute ways that are almost unrecognisable for even months and years before an individual even realises something may be off????? ok im rambling i think anyway i just wanna say i hope you guys are either in a good place or working towards a good place. i dont wanna be sitting here being like omg it gets better because trust me im not like #LIVING for it 24/7 but im at a point where i’m able to look back on my depressed times and be like hmmmmm wow???? wtf?? like honestly i dont remember so much of 2013-2015 but ANYWAYS ummm yea idk where im going with this LMAO ffs i just wnt you guys to know that there is more to life than what you may be feeling at the moment like literally the first time i saw my psychiatrist lmao i literally was like “idk i just feel like... i just know theres more to life....” like know theres a level of contentment/baseline happiness that i wasnt able to reach at that point in time for a multitude of reasons but anyways this isnt abt me soz to like be like helloooooo like look @ me but idk i just guess i wanna let u know that i been there at a low and i got help and im still not amazing and its taken some years and im still working on it in fact im seeing a new psychologist on the 12th of december omg but like!!!!!! im not seeing them for depression!!! bc i think im over it now!!! i think.... lol im still ike uummmmmmm but anyways now im jjust seeing them to work on my anxiety!!!!! so like ive pretty much conquered one thing and now im able to focus more on conquering the next!!

WTF IM RAMBLING but like idk just...... there is more to life you will find happiness or you will actually be ABLE to experience joy n happiness and excitement and stuff just hang in there and take it day by day and try to appreciate the smaller things and recognise the love out there in your life and in your environment because its there i can guarantee it

WTFFFFF Fsorry for making a soppy post im like side eyeing myself and ill probably delete this soon but like yea lol even tho i might not know u, if we were able to meet in person whether at a party or idk how tf people meet randomly nowadays but if i met u and we were like helloooo lets be friends and swap numbers and hang out omg add me on fb etc etc just know i want happiness for you and that could be us one day!!! i dont wanna just be some random from the internet even tho theres nothing i can do to change that LMAO because thats literally what i am to you guys but like ???? omg idk ive just met so many people from tumblr whether its followers that have come up to me or mutuals or whatever adn now we are actual friends that hang out etc and its like ommggg i cant believe all u guys are real and i cant believe im just some random on the internet WTF i wanna be your friend omg

me: i cant belieeve im rambling sorry

also me: asfhsa ;dfhsa sa;fhjs fwej elf ;asdhfiu qwehf ashdf asjfhas f;sdfkalsdf

anyway yea ..... lmao imagine me giving you a hug and being like HELLOOO and thats my mood and thats what i want your mood to be too

#TL;DR i love u guys and wish i knew you in person so i could tell you that i want the best for you and we would have a proper emotional conn

200 notes · View notes

notyouraveragerock · 6 years

Note

Do all the asks.

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Definitely.

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nope.

3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nope.

4. Is trust a big issue for you? Not at first, but if someone breaks my trust it takes a hell of a lot to gain it back.

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes!

6. What are you excited for? Graduation

7. What happened tonight? Well tonight hasn’t happened yet, so I’ll keep you posted.

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Depends. Are they puking?

9. Is confidence cute? Very.

10. What is the last beverage you had? Good ol’ dihydrogen monoxide

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Several.

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Yeup.

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Stay in because I’m broke.

14. What are you going to spend money on next? Probably food.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Yes!

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yes.

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Ian, Carina, or Liss

18. The last time you felt broken? I broke my toe tripping over a curb a while back. That kinda hurt…

19. Have you had sex today? No. :(

20. Are you starting to realize anything? How much the education system sucks. You shouldn’t have to take something you hate to get a degree no job will care about.

21. Are you in a good mood? I’ve plateau’d today

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? What kind? Nurse sharks hell yeah. Bull sharks hell no.

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Nope.

24. What do you want right this second? My boyfriend. Ice cream. Snuggles. A guaranteed financially stable future and career I’ll enjoy forever.

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Idk but I hope I never find out.

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yeup.

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nope.

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Idk I laugh at everything.

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Very much so.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? No, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be nice to them. Kill with kindness, people.

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Definitely. Not.

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? He better.

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Nope.

34. Listening to? Birds outside my window.

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Hell yeah.

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Yeup!

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.

38. Who did you last call? My mother.

39. Who was the last person you danced with? Ian

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Had to say goodbye. :(

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Forever ago.

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Nope.

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Constantly.

44. Do you tan in the nude? Lmao tan. I burn.

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Never.

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Yes.

47. Who was the last person to call you? My mother.

48. Do you sing in the shower? Only when no one is home.

49. Do you dance in the car? Yes.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Duh.

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Uhh… Senior pics for high school?

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Sometimes

53. Is Christmas stressful? Can be if you focus on the wrong things.

54. Ever eat a pierogi? Had to google this. Unfortunately, no.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple, probably. Or lemon meringue.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Paleontologist or pilot. I liked dinosaurs and Amelia Earhart.

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Nah.

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes.

59. Take a vitamin daily? Not a vitamin, no.

60. Wear slippers? Occasionally/

61. Wear a bath robe? I don’t own one, but if I did, you betcha.

62. What do you wear to bed? Depends.

63. First concert? TBA… (Although when my brother was like 3 we did see the Wiggles live)

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Depends what I need to get, but usually Target.

65. Nike or Adidas? Idc

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds, I guess.

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Well, I’m feelin 22 this year so…

69. Ever take dance lessons? Yes

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Anything that makes him happy.

71. Can you curl your tongue? Only taco. I can’t do that weird clover thing.

72. Ever won a spelling bee? No.

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes.

74. What is your favorite book? The Book Thief by Mark Zusak

75. Do you study better with or without music? Without, usually.

76. Regularly burn incense? No.

77. Ever been in love? Definitely.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Anyone at this point

79. What was the last concert you saw? N/A

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot. Unless it’s sweet.

81. Tea or coffee? Coffee Lifeblood

82. Favorite type of cookie? Homemade

83. Can you swim well? Yes

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes

85. Are you patient? Sometimes…………………… Usually not.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? No preference as long as the music gets people up and having fun.

87. Ever won a contest? Yes, if flip cup counts.

88. Ever have plastic surgery? Yeup. On the tendon in my thumb after I sliced through 80% of it on accident....

89. Which are better black or green olives? Neither

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Yes please, but you do you boo

91. Best room for a fireplace? A cozy room with a couch, blankets, books, and a big window, preferably on a rainy day.

92. Do you want to get married? Yes.

1 note · View note

tempestshakes01 · 4 years

Text

8/8/20

oh no.

i’ve had another dream where a man tries to kiss me despite having a partner. what is my subconscious trying to say?

last time it was br*d from b/a (but in the dream I was also Claire? I think.)

this time I was at a climbing gym (it smelled and vaguely looked like the old Y I used to go to for gymnastics...yellow lighting, pinesol scent, echo-y) and we were climbing for the first time in forever. alex was in the dream. anyway, we came upon a group and it turned out to be the bould/ering b/obat boys just goofing around with some locals. they were helping out and teaching as well.

anyway, alex got in on it cause it was vert and i nervously wandered away to find an overhand or an easier slab, and to get away from people who might watch me climb.

so then the evening is coming to a close and i make my way to the set the boys were teaching alex and locals. it was a red v2, lol. no one is around. i touch it, and suddenly jake (from bb) comes up behind me and encourages me to try it out. i do. he’s a very nice and patient coach cause i keep placing my feet wrong (my issue irl), but i correct myself quickly and it’s actually a really easy problem. i jump down and jake claps, kindly excited for me, and then...

...this is where my memory gets fuzzy, but basically all I remember is *snap* he’s into me and I know it, and i’m obviously into him, and he goes to kiss, but i turn away like, no, no, you have di who is on the other side of this wall. and he’s like, we’re poly. and i tell him i have to hear that from her first. he agrees and we walk off. the end.

lmao.

and then still in ~dream state~ i’m like, damn another dream where someone almost cheats with me? what does that mean?

that’s a rhetorical question, ofc, because even a ninny like me can tell that’s a can of worms i don’t want to open without a licensed professional on call.

p.s. i am back to hating **** and no i will not elaborate.

p.p.s. i said i’d elaborate about jdemps looking like my dad if you lose your glasses, get lemon in your eye, and you squint, but i don’t think i will--mostly cause i want to forget i even i had that notion.

p.p.p.s. i think a lot of people look alike when they don’t now that i think about it. i’m that one person that sees a someone’s new wedding photos on facebook or whatever, and my first thought maybe 75% of the time is...wow, they look like siblings.

no lie.

i’d post some examples but i won’t invade people’s privacy like that or embarrass them when i am proven RIGHT and they DO look like they married their sibling. it truly creeps me out, but i think i’ve read that people are attracted to faces that look like theirs?

i mean:

which is a quote from an article called:

anyway, i know i’m very in love with long faces/jaws because my own long face. i hate how it’s becoming more crooked though. trying to embrace, but i’m like 🥴. literally. if i were a man i could pull it off a la rya/n gos/ling, but as a woman...🥴.

what else...

started a new job. like a very serious job with a good (enough) salary and it’s sort of in my field. i don’t want to say what it is and i will continue to keep it vague even if i write a blog post to rant--mainly because of legal reasons and staying ethical, or whatever. plus, i feel like i’m in enemy territory and i don’t know how i’ll stomach some of the choices i’ll have to make.

ugh.

i’m getting very nervous. but i’m excited about how it’ll test my skills in a lot of areas and i think it’s a great opportunity to learn and grow. originally i put a 3 year goal on this job (out by the time i’m about 30 and go to grad school), but i might drop that to 1.5 years, lmao. depend on if i like it. i just...can’t give myself to things i’m not 100% about, ya know.

it’s why i left sp/okane.

i really liked it and last summer was such a lovely time with L and N being in my life and climbing and just hanging with M and the fam, but times were going to start changin’, and i didn’t feel tethered to that place anymore. i felt like i had learned and earned my growth.

i also felt like i had things to do and fix with my family here in san an, but i’ve come to figure out that while i may love them...i can’t “fix” the things that i thought i could. overall, the greatest surprise is the love and warmth i feel for my dad that i haven’t felt in years, and just the ease i feel when i’m around him.

for YEARS i felt on edge when i was in a room with him--for reasons i didn’t even know!!! all i knew was that he hurt my mom and broke my family...but honestly, the whole story is probably kinder to his side of things because my mom...god love her, but she’s. she’s...prideful and stubborn, i guess is one way to put it. which is why our relationship is not the same and why she keeps hurting me with her words and perception of me.

the kids are teens now and...with that comes all the moody new qualities of teens, lol, so they’re not as keen to hang out with their weird auntie anymore, but i’ve discovered new love for hanging out with my big sis, and i love that for us.

anyway, back to this new job. yeah. i just can’t fathom sticking to something i’m not all about--which might be unhealthy, lmao. at some point i’m going to have to “settle” into something. a job. a relationship. a city. maybe? or maybe not. maybe i can continue to flutter around and get what i want to get out of things and move on. i dunno. i just dunno.

tbh, i’m done with san an. i thought i’d stay at least until the kids are out of high school, teach resource, and figure out what path i wanted to go down for grad school in the meantime, but this job was me grasping at this life here. like, i love living my brother, but he’s only here for another year. i’ll probably find a place with alex next year (that was an option this year and we looked for a bit) and i love getting to have her as a best friend. i love having lilz close by (even if i haven’t seen her in months!).

but, nothing feels right, and i knew that when i started getting serious about this job and knowing this is a multi-year commitment, and again, this is an invaluable experience for all the different avenues i debate between (career wise) and it’s a step in the right direction...especially with schools down and i can’t go back to subbing until i find the campus/open position i like. there’s no guarantee with the pandemic. that being said, if a vaccine is quickly available and schools open up safely and things go back to normal...maybe i’d switch back...but tbh, i don’t think it looks good moving around so much.

this year (job wise) looks terrible on paper because i didn’t spend more than three months at any job, lol--though to be fair, i was committing myself to subbing before the pandemic hit. went on spring break though...and we never came back.

i’m not trying to talk myself out of committing to this job and what it entails (despite...again...it being an utterly sober position) but this is just what i feel.

it’s funny to see half my peers settle down with a career and marriage and babies, but i also love that i see plenty of people more on my side of the scale, and mostly i see people in between. i get the vibe that we’re, as a whole, more accepting of alternative lifestyles and crossing social barriers and being friends with people outside of our own norms. like, it’s not sad that some people don’t want kids!

(actually, i’ve been thinking about that the older i get and i get really lonely thinking about how it’s kind of a small island to be one the people who don’t want bio kids, but *do* want to foster and adopt children--and it’s not a medical reason. it makes me lean toward wanting to find a female partner vs a man because i read and hear so much toxic shit from men about wanting their kids to come from their own seed, lmao. and i just don’t relate to child-free folks. i want kids! i just don’t want to birth them! like, at all! lol. i remember alex saying how every time she sleeps with a man, she imagines what their hypothetical baby would look like, and i just could not relate. i mean, i’ve only had 3 partners, but not once did that ever come up in my thoughts...except to think, if i get pregnant, i’m abor/ting.)

i’d also be cool running a foster home for dogs (any kind! medically recovering, disabled, senior!). it’s what i dreamed about as a kid (lol on a ranch in seattle after retiring from the wnba).

anyway, lil cup of joe has worm butt again :/ tapeworms so he’s going to get some meds on monday and get updated on shots as well. i love him so much. i cry thinking about him leaving me, but he’s a small dog so he probably has like 17 more years in him and THAT makes me cry because i’ll be in my 40s and he’ll be an old man and still my sweetest bean.

i’m putting in the comparison photos:

i said if you squint!!! rub a lil salt in your eye and then you will See what i mean.

#miranda this is your life

0 notes