#because yes it will reset but people will still suffer now and he would rather not

[frog-with-no-therapy]

Someone please write a mad scientist peter parker

I need a fic or even just drabbles or anything, otherwise it won't leave my head and I won't be able to study and I can't afford that

Like, the idea of peter turning evil? And the fact it's not spiderman who is the scary one, but nerdy peter parker with his biochemistry and physics skills and his ability to think fast and outside the box? CAN NO ONE SEE THE APPEAL????

And its just so perfect, cause he is really smart and have a good origin and more than enough reasons to be a villain, and the best part is he doesn't see himself as a villain. He is, in his eyes, a necessary evil.

And with him not going around every night to fight bad guys and get hurt cause he is holding back, he will have plenty of time to make gadgets for himself and his plans will be brutal and deadly (cause, again, the mean justify the end, right?)

Like, I already have many ideas for him, like uncle Ben dying a year before his time Infront of peter and not being able to deliver his "with great power comes great responsibility", cause it wasn't needed (which is a really big factor in making peter parker the spiderman we know. It turned him from a childish brat to a hero)

Aunt may being sick and him leaving school to take care of her, maybe even getting a job (he can do online schooling, and probably just graduate early) him trying to study more and more of chemistry and pharmacy and anything that can help him help her, staying up at night reading Bruce's papers and a bit of Richard's too

Him trying and almost reaching a solution, except it's too late and now he has an empty house full of useless papers that were another mark of his failure, yet falling back into studying and researching anything to keep the illusion that everything's ok, and to distract himself from the loneliness

one day he just decide to simply not accept what happened, and to find a way to get back his family. A time machine. He just need to make some kind of time machine and get back and boom, his life is good once again and he will make sure it stays that way

Also the whole time machine idea would explain him not having apathy or not being against killing and hurting others, why would he, when he know for sure everything will just go back to how it was?

(And it has to go back, he refuses to even think about any other possibility. And maybe him killing a few people is a reminder that he can't quit, a reminder that now he have more lives to fix and heal)

[sairenharia]

MK's First Dad

The snakes represent my many, many dads!

Why yes, MK, they do represent your many, many dads.

Or rather, one dad, many times.

This dad.

So very clearly, the world of Lego Monkie Kid has been experiencing timeloops. Nuwa made MK to collect the stones and when the cycle of the world ends, he yeets himself into the pillar, and restarts everything from the beginning. Without outside factors, everything happens the same as it always did.

The Celestial body establishes itself, demons run amok, the journey happens, society builds, further and further until at least the Jade Emperor and maybe the other Guardians reach the end of their life and the Heavenly Pillar starts to crumble and has to be rebuilt and start the cycle.

Until THIS cycle where the Nine Headed Demon decided to wake MK up early.

And you know what?

I believe every single word the NHD said after he revealed himself was one hundred percent the complete and utter truth. He never ONCE lied to MK or any of the others, at least not from his perspective.

From the explanation of his motives, to the idle comments.

We see this in what he says he's doing. NHD said he isn't trying to push MK to a choice. What he wants is for MK to MAKE a choice. If MK chooses to sacrifice himself, NHD said he's going to save everyone, affirming his choice. By that same token, when MK comes back out of the pillar, he says he choose to face the end together in a supportive tone, affirming his choice again!

NHD didn't lie. Whatever choice MK made, he supported and encouraged MK in it.

His tune only changed, ONLY changed when he was terrified he was going to be trapped in the cycle again. And even then, it was only a brief moment. Once he saw he didn't have to be trapped, he was back to supporting MK, and he was relieved.

Even with the way NHD interacts with the others shows this. NHD allowed them to SPEAK. He only interfered when they tried to PHYSICALLY take MK's choice from him. NHD was fully enabling them to convince MK to make the choice they wanted him to make. They were allowed to persuade, because it was still ultimately MK who got to decide what he was going to do.

From start to finish, NHD had two goals. One was to leave the cycle, which he saw as happening either way. Either everything fell apart, or he had a way out when the cycle reset. MK's moved changed his gateway and that's when he got upset, but he had no issue with MK's CHOICE, just the fact he would be trapped again.

And two, that very choice.

But why? NHD manipulated Azure. He manipulated the Yama Kings. Potentially a lot of people in heaven and those below, which is pretty against people making choices. So why does he care so much about MK's choice?

Because the cycle wasn't supposed to end for another eon.

Because this cycle wasn't the first, it wasn't the second, and it likely wasn't even the hundredth.

Which means MK didn't have Pigsy. He didn't have Tang, or Mei, or Sandy, or anyone else in his life. They were long dead by the time the Harbinger is released in every other cycle.

Now with MK having longer to cook, he may be fully grown. Or he may be a kid again, but I think with what NHD said about wanting to give the Harbinger a chance to have a life, the Harbinger is usually grown enough to be able handle the trials.

But he's probably not got a lot of personality going on. Nuwa may have chosen an extreme way to maintain the pillar, but she does seem to be trying her best to minimize suffering. She is repeating the cycle because its the only way she can see in protecting the world from chaos. She makes Harbinger because a sacrifice is necessary for the pillar, to remain as a building block like I think she is. Harbinger has to be someone who EXISTS, but if he's largely a blank slate, then the loss is not so great.

Harbinger lives to sacrifice himself. He has no family. He has no life to lose.

But this means someone who is blank and potentially easy to lead astray.

This is why the trials. Because really, Harbinger is suppose to just live, grab the stones, yeet. Why does he need TRIALS? But then there is what the trials actually teach, as we know them.

A trial of resolve, to push through to the end despite the dangers. To endure danger and hardship to the end. Then the other trial, of focus on self, on what he needs to do in the present. But what's interesting is the DANGER of this one. Its not to Harbinger, but whoever is with him.

These trials are to make sure Harbinger has the nerve to go through danger and hardships to get to the end of the quest...and to keep his focus to PROTECT OTHERS.

Harbinger is made to be a sacrifice. He is made to protect. He is made to save. What happens if he sees people in danger on the way to the pillar? He would get distracted, but in delaying, he puts them in MORE danger. He has to be able to ignore those in smaller danger, and focus on his inner task, to make sure he focuses on the greater goal of sacrificing himself to keep them ALL safe.

I'm sure the dragon and tiger would have something similar.

So the trials help train Harbinger into some personality, but he still has to GET there. More over, he needs to have SOMEONE for the Black Tortoise.

The Yama Kings also know about the Harbinger. They know when he should be released and what he is supposed to do. They likely know what he is supposed to be like, and likely they are also how MK is supposed to even GET to the Jade Emperor.

The Harbinger needed a guide.

And I think that is the Nine Headed Demon.

Because here is the thing. NHD says he's not a monster. And he's tired of being the hero. And he isn't lying.

Here is the cycle.

The world starts. The Celestial body establishes itself. Demons run amok. The Journey happens. Society builds. Nuwa at some point puts the Harbinger in the stone. Eons pass. The Jade Emperor hits the end of his life.

The Harbinger is released.

And NHD is there, as a representative of the Yama Kings who know enough to know this will happen and what is expected. NHD helps the Harbinger to the trials. He helps him to the pillar. He watches the Harbinger sacrifice himself.

The cycle begins again.

He is there again.

The Harbinger dies again.

Over and over, until at some point, perhaps after the first time, perhaps later on, NHD is exposed to chaos. Likely when the cycle is ending and resetting, there is a window that chaos seeps in and NHD is able to see all that is beyond the world.

This is likely why he thinks he's fine regardless of MK's choice. Either he left during the brief window of a reset, he everything fell apart, so he was freed. He didn't account for continuing on beyond the reset.

NHD sees beyond and he sees beauty. NHD sees beyond and now he can REMEMBER. Why is hard to say. Likely he made a deal with whoever "he" is, but regardless, NHD loves chaos and he retains his memories.

But NHD was chosen to help the Harbinger for a reason. He is not cruel. He is not heartless. He loves the masses. He wanted to save and protect them, even at a cost, so he was chosen to help the Harbinger.

It is why even after he saw chaos, he chose to return. He had seen something so GOOD in his eyes, and he wanted to see if he could change the mind of those in the world. To convince Heaven to LET the chaos in. To end the resets and allow chaos and life to CHANGE beyond.

But no one listens.

They reject him.

Call him a monster.

The cycles continue.

He tries. He tries persuasion. He tries trickery. He likely tries force, but the Harbinger is too strong to stop and he will fulfill his destiny. He asks for help.

He even asks the one person who might stop the Harbinger.

Sun Wukong.

NHD said they were old enemies and old friends. NHD sought a solution, so he would ask who he could for help. Sometimes he could convince Wukong to help him. Others, he couldn't. And sometimes, he managed to get Wukong enraged enough to become an enemy. But unfortunately even with Wukong's power, he's never quite strong enough to keep the Harbinger from the pillar.

Likely because the Harbinger wants nothing more than to get to the pillar, and ultimately, the Harbinger is just some kid getting used, and Wukong can't bring himself to kill him. Allowing the Harbinger a moment to get through regardless of how the fight is actually going.

Which could be going far in Wukong's reaction to MK.

NHD said that MK is a remnant of chaos. Which means either the clay he was made from...or from Wukong's stone. And since the Celestial Primates are ODDITIES, its likely Wukong's stone that has that bit of chaos in it that Nuwa is using in her sacrificial building block. No one is gonna be able to make Wukong do anything he doesn't want, and likely none of the other primates, and Nuwa doesn't want to ask anyone to end their life either. Start anew is better.

But likely this bit of chaos may be why Wukong feels a draw to MK. Some part of him remembers the Harbinger. Remembers his strength. Remembers he's a kid being used, who hadn't been allowed to live, who did so much for the sake of others. A kid who idolizes him. A kid who can use his staff.

I think it says something with how much Wukong focuses on MK becoming self confident and choosing things for himself and why he steps in with the Spider Queen because its a fight MK desperately doesn't want even though he SHOULD be capable of handling it, instead of thinking the fights are too much for MK like the Lady Bone Demon. Wukong wants MK to decide things for himself, he wants MK to LIKE himself. Wukong wants MK to choose to. There is a bleeding of the timeline because of Wukong's connection to chaos by being a Celestial Primate.

The Harbinger is a blank slate...but he is a person. NHD, at first, just wants to help the world. He wants to be the hero. He wants to move beyond the cycle. But in trying to find that path, he introduces new elements to the Harbinger.

The Harbinger starts to show signs of development. Of change. The Harbinger starts to laugh. The Harbinger starts getting cheeky. The Harbinger starts crying when fights break out at the end. There is LIFE in the Harbinger.

Yet another beautiful thing this cycling world rejects for the sake of continuing to spin.

NHD tries to find a third solution. He tries over and over again. He knows the Harbinger will continue to the pillar, to save the world, over and over again, and he doesn't have the power to stop him. The Harbinger will always choose to sacrifice himself. He cannot end the cycle by preventing the sacrifice. He looks for a way to move past the eon. Maybe if he had more TIME, he could convince people to give chaos a chance. Perhaps he could allow the pillar to crumble more slowly, allow the sun to peak in over time. If he could just get the box to OPEN, then that would be enough.

Except nothing works. He can't fight anyone strong enough to replace the guardians. He can't find another means to fix the pillar. He tries over and over again.

There are several consequences to this and I'll get into one of those in another post. (Red Son has some INTERESTING things going on.)

NHD cannot find a means to move beyond the cycle. He is getting disillusioned. He wants to save everyone. He wants to bring them to the sun. He just can't.

He knows...he knows he doesn't HAVE to keep trying.

He sees it every reset. He has a window. He can LEAVE the cycle himself. Let everyone stay in their cave forever.

Except.

He sees the Harbinger throw himself into the pillar. The one he's sees sacrificing himself countless times for a world he never gets to truly experience. He only gets slivers of it. Moments of joy. Moments of triumphant. Moments of pain. Moments of truly being alive, when he deserved so much more.

NHD is tired. His sanity is fraying. He could simply go...

But he decides one more time.

He would live the cycle one more time.

Because the Harbinger deserved to fully experience the world. The Harbinger deserved to DECIDE whether or not to keep the cycle going, or let the world fall apart.

He manipulates the world in a different way. He's lived this cycle countless times. He knows much of what happens. He chooses a time.

He knows DBK gets released. He knows in short order, the Lady Bone Demon also gets freed, whether this is by the Demon Bull Family, the Mayor, or perhaps even Macaque (I haven't gotten a solid theory on what Macaque's deal is YET, but I have a suspicion his revival may not be a consistent thing.) Either way, DBK getting freed gets Wukong off his mountain because DBK is running around with HIS staff and while Wukong isn't interested in being a hero, that is HIS staff, thank you very much.

And the Lady Bone Demon is simply too big of a threat to ignore.

Its the first time where Wukong HAS to be active.

Its also the first time, in a while, where Wukong leaves his mountain. At times, visiting this city because its the first time in a while where the incarnations of the pilgrims are in close proximity and Wukong can't help himself. He just has to check things are okay.

Its the perfect set up.

The danger of releasing the Harbinger early is people noticing him. He will feel compelled to help people. NHD is pretty sure there is no way to be rid of that. So he needs something to justify this powerhouse running around.

This is the perfect time. Pigsy is a family man. If he leaves the Harbinger nearby, he will at least take care of the kid, and hopefully take him in. NHD can't be sure, but perhaps he has an idea depending on if Mei always finds Pigsy and Tang independent of MK's existence.

It works though. The Harbinger becomes MK and he's in place to be noticed by Wukong, who NHD already KNOWS experiences some bleed. Has seen Wukong react to the Harbinger with familiarity. Knows Wukong will be intrigued by MK enough to stay close.

Then DBK's freeing comes and Wukong is acting on suspicions, and maybe NHD is manipulating other things, but MK ends up with the staff, and Wukong is declaring MK his successor and NHD is thrilled.

MK now has the perfect smokescreen. The Celestial court has no say of what goes on with Celestial Primates without direct force. They don't know how they WORK. If Wukong says MK is his successor, then clearly he's done some weird primate magic on the boy and that's why he's powerful. The fact DBK and the Lady Bone Demon appeared, it screams of potential destiny to Wukong to. Throw in a few more of Wukong's enemies, keep him thrown long enough to not risk him thinking too much. Not like its hard, Wukong doesn't often think too much.

Even if this set up did present a few unexpected challenges NHD didn't account for. Macaque was largely an unknown because without MK's influence, IF Macaque is ALWAYS revived, Wukong and him likely never make up. They have too much bad history and too much stubbornness to actually work through their issues without MK calling Macaque out on his bullshit and enabling them to have to be around each other without turning into a huge fight. NHD got lucky that it took as long as it did because while Wukong doesn't overthink, Macaque certainly does and his plan may have been in more danger if Macaque had longer to explore those questions from episode one.

But no one knows MK is the Harbinger.

MK is allowed to experience life and what is means to save and have people to care for and he gets to make decisions on the scale of restoring the pillar and its perfect!

MK not only can make a choice, but will have the experience to do so.

Its all NHD ever wanted for him.

He's likely been doing something to the Jade Emperor to hasten his decline, or perhaps an eon really counts for the end of the man's life. Either way, he just has to free someone who is strong enough to take on the Jade Emperor in that state, but isn't strong enough to keep the stone functional.

The cycle can finally end.

MK can make a choice.

He can be free.

NHD never lied to anyone. He wanted to save everyone. He wasn't a monster. He wanted MK to have the freedom to chose, whatever it was.

He was only ever against MK the brief moment when he realized the world would continue and he wouldn't have his gap to escape. He didn't know WHAT would happen after that moment. Chaos had a chance to come in. There was a chance chaos wouldn't be able to, or at least wouldn't be able to for a very long time and he was so TIRED, he just wanted out, and for a moment, he was afraid to lose the thing he wanted for HIMSELF.

But as he stands on those stairs, as he sees the chaos, he is relieved.

He is HAPPY.

His words to MK are genuine. They are full of care and perhaps love. The child he had sent to die was finally alive. He was brilliant and clever. He found a third option that he hadn't been able to do for eons past.

He knows chaos is coming and that there will be a battle. The chaos MK feared may still be allowed through. So he warns him there is danger, that he will have to deal with the consequences of what happens Next.

He wishes him luck and thanks him. Sends him to a home he is glad his Harbinger is allowed to experience. For better or worse.

[archer-kacey]

Something I noticed is a lot of people who hated BATIM love BATDR and a lot of people fond of BATIM dislike BATDR. To me, this seems like a mechanics vs story issue. The actual game mechanics and aesthetic of BATDR disguise the lackluster characters and plot holes. However, BATIM still suffers those same issues.

This is a vague question, but what are your thoughts on BATIM vs BATDR story wise? Is either of them truly better? Or are they just flawed in different ways?

Sorry, this is long, but so are BATIM and BATDR :')

I think you hit the nail on the head in the sense that yes- BATDR has better gameplay and mechanics than BATIM, but BATIM by far has a much more compelling story that was able to capture and keep attention over the course of five chapter releases. And yes, BATIM is not without its flaws, for example it's mainly a walking simulator in terms of actual gameplay- the only thing saving it being the unique ability to suck the player in through the rich, stylistic environments.

In terms of story, here's my take for both of them-

BATIM is more solid overall, there are more connected plot points and there's a thread there to be followed from start to finish. It does suffer from some WTF plothole moments, the biggest one being Alice's 180 degree turn with suddenly using Boris as a killing machine rather than...what I can only assume was a plan to use his ink/body as some kind of reparative agent for the hole in her face (like thicc ink premium idk), or...some kind of spell...? It's honestly not very clear HOW she was going to use him, but bottom line she decided to entirely change her plan off-screen, which could have been remedied with something like a cutscene's worth of explanation, and more of a buildup to Brute Boris. The "reveal" in the haunted house didn't hold that much weight (at least to me,) just because we didn't even get a cookie crumb of a hint that Alice was going to mutilate him and use him as a drone instead of just axe him.

There are other nonsense details like Allison's ominous "I'm no Angel" line, which didn't make sense when Tom was the one to want to leave Henry. It was never explained WHY the Ink Demon walks around with a limp when he can shapeshift into a bigger and faster Beast version of himself (and apparently he was ALSO the hand in the ink river??? I guess???) And can we talk about how the cult Joey started was just never brought up again? Wally talks about how workers were encouraged (or mandated, idk) to put offerings in the break room to "appease the gods." What gods? Was Joey worshiping Bendy like a god? NONE OF THIS IS EXPLAINED EVER and honestly I think Micheal D. and Meatstick just Forgot that Joey was a cult leader in favor of Sammy's cult storyline.

But despite all of the plot holes, we still get a tale of a deteriorating studio, humans being used as literal skeletons for lifelike versions of cartoon characters, themes of life, death, cults, art, and more. Honestly, going deep into the plot of Bendy would take its own post to really do it justice.

I guess the main plot is this: Ex-co-founder of Joey Drew Studios, Henry, is trying to get the fuck home to his wife, learning along the way that through the power of a mysterious ink machine, his ex-business partner decided to coerce and persuade people to Literally Die so he could have the necessary materials to create living versions of his cartoons, thus making "his" characters (and more importantly, Bendy,) a reality. Once Henry does escape, he learns that Joey has sent him through this same hell before, still filled with hatred and spite, just in time for Joey to assumedly "reset" him and send him on a different version of the same journey, as we can guess from the storyboards on display in Joey's apartment. THAT on its own is an intriguing and layered tale, and that's not even including the other details, voices, and faces we run into in BATIM, AND the new info we learn in BATDR.

Now, BATDR...is something I've come to view as a mixed bag.

Story-wise, it weirdly wants to have its cake and eat it to. Henry's story is elaborated on, and part of Audrey's origins are also brought to light. This is helpful information concerning the plot of BATIM...but then we get assblasted with a ton of new characters and lore for a completely new Cycle under the reign of a completely new Random Old Man. I know he's Nathan's son, and he was mentioned in both Illusion and Fade to Black...but those were de-canonized, so it almost doesn't help context-wise...???? So...????

In a lot of ways, BATDR almost acts like it wants to be an AU branching from BATIM rather than a direct sequel, which it was marketed/confirmed as.

I think my biggest problem with BATDR is that some of the main characters are bafflingly like. Mishandled.

I'm gonna have the mildest take on earth and say I didn't like the new Ink Demon. Old design was better and more uncanny by far, the new design looks like Generic Satan or something straight out of Baldur's Gate. He was given a deep, guttural growling voice because....tumblr sexyman I guess. Even if they needed him to talk, it could've been something more breathy and raspy, true to the heavy breathing of the original Ink Demon. Also, his alternate form was made very childlike, and I'm just weirded out by the fact that you have this oddly "sexified" version of the Ink Demon on the flipside of Bendy the Child. I don't think any ill intent was meant by this, but it's more confusing than anything thematically. I'm also not sure why Bendy's abuse was brought up and then never touched on....? Like wasn't this guy locked up and called a monster his whole life? Are we going to...say something especially considering the moral of this story......?

Memory Joey is completely fine, but I just can't shake the feeling that the narrative is trying to paint IRL Joey as "UWU fixed now" when that's not the case. The most sympathy I can extend to IRL Joey is that he was a gay man who desired to have a family at a time when that was not only frowned upon but dangerous, not just socially speaking but in terms of his physical safety. But beyond that, this was a dude who locked people in a building to keep them working, coerced and possibly forced the deaths of many people to get what he wanted (the ink machine was a scientific advancement that could've had AMAZING implications for society but he Did Not Give a Shit about that), and was abusive towards Henry. If we trust the Bendy books, he also gaslit and killed his teenage staff. This motherfucker isn't a patron saint of anything, and even if Memory Joey can learn from IRL Joey's mistakes, IRL Joey was still a shitbag who just happened to raise a daughter.

Which leads me to Audrey. Some of Audrey's tale is explained- she was raised by Joey, forgot Joey was her father, and came to work at Archgate as an animator. Got to know Wilson, who works as a janitor at Archgate, and then he drags her into ink hell because....idk, she's his version of "A Perfect Boris" I guess. Fair enough. However, it's NEVER EXPLAINED how Audrey doesn't remember her father, or WHERE she went to live after his passing, or WHO she lived with. Remember, Joey was as old as a cave painting, so he clearly passed when she was very young. While you could argue she doesn't remember his name because she was little, SURELY she remembers his face or voice, or the fact that she HAD A FATHER??? Like, was there some huge trauma there? (Other than the fact that Joey was her dad?) It makes little sense to me that she would forget so easily. If I had to make a guess (and granted I'm no Mark Twain), I'd wager that Allison probably found Joey dead. Remember that Nathan hadn't talked to Joey in years, and Allison was the one who went out of her way in the first place to visit. At this point, Allison's gonna find a little girl running around by herself, and assumedly her and Thomas would've taken her in. If that's not the case, someone else found Joey dead, at which point Audrey would've possibly lived with Nathan and Tessa, considering how much Nathan cared about Joey. Either party has ties to Archgate. But all of that is just speculation, not confirmed, and even if any of that were true, Audrey makes no mention of it. And I'm sorry, Audrey's backstory makes me want to cry, because it's just NOT THERE and she has the personality of a depressed bucket.

Alice was alright...but she was kind of stupid? Which is like....the antithesis of everything cool about her? Instead of using traps and luring the main character from a distance, she knocks out Audrey (via unspecified drink), plays Diet Jigsaw with Audrey, and then gets pushed off a balcony. She was also a lot more...idk, suave and sultry in speech mannerisms in BATDR, which isn't bad, but her unhinged and clever nature seemed a bit watered down.

I don't really have notes on the rest of the main cast. Sammy was brought back to die immediately, which honestly was fine considering his death track record. We get some mentions of BATIM characters. Wilson and Betty were fine, and even some of the lore explaining how the timelines work made sense.

HOWEVER,

I've already said it a hundred times, but the old cast was shoved to the side for a bunch of new characters we had no time to connect with. A new butcher gang member was added when we still have Miss Twisted as a potential female-role filler (keep in mind the Projectionist is based on Camera Man and Brute Boris was based on The Brute.) The whole "Amok" thing was a REALLY roundabout way to get the Lost Ones to stop attacking Audrey.

Wilson's motivations are mostly consistent and I'd argue somewhat compelling, but I don't understand why he didn't do more to protect Audrey if he was going to need her for the endgame for Shipahoy Dudley? Like what's all this about letting her run around and get killed? Was he just aware that she'd revive?

The main message of BATDR was fine, but it didn't work super well for Audrey's character. She'd already forgotten Joey was her father, and was living in blissful ignorance of that fact until Memory Joey decided to infodump on her right away. Sure, the "just because you were born of darkness doesn't mean you have to be darkness" thing applies to her AFTER she learns Joey was her father, but...Audrey was never threatening to Become Evil, so it almost didn't need to be said and was kind of a flat message...? I would argue Memory Joey would benefit more from that message- as he's a literal copy of a Very Bad Dude. My guy was projecting this whole time.

I do think BATDR was worse story-wise, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend it didn't have certain disadvantages from the start. The Kindlybeast debacle happened, BADTR was trying to continue a story from an existing property, and there was a severe lack of Adrienne Kress. Okay, maybe the last one was a bit much, but still. That doesn't mean I hate BATDR overall, I can appreciate a lot of things about it, but strictly in the story department, it needs soooooo much work and makes me want to jump off a Minecraft cliff.

[kuvvydraws]

Character HC's

Galán

He weaponises silence. He's never going to be rude to someone but if that person is there to purposefully ruffle his feathers then they're welcome to try. Other than an unimpressed look, they're going to get nothing from him. He'd much rather invest his time listening to someone who actually has something to say, you can go now.

Loves to be loved by people - at the same time, since he's extremely polite and snobby, most people outside his circles happen to not like him very much. His behavior is irreproachable, which makes it hard to tell him to piss off, but he comes across as too bougie to be normal.

He likes wearing fresh flowers on the lapel of his suit for more lively soirees - and if he lets you clip it for him you'll be able to tell this man has fallen for you like a fool. Would you help him clip his cuff links too? Pick the ones you prefer, whichever design you like best, he'll wear them with pride.

Likes classy spots for dates, but if you take him to an aquarium he'll lose his mind and trot towards the tanks like a child. It's not so much the fish than the water reflections what fascinates him, either way you've reset his mind back to a kid, he's excited!

Likes stargazing, but he'll deny it vehemently if asked unless he can turn it into a romantic, melancholic statement against whoever brought it up or caught him staring. For some unexplainable reason, stars make him feel very small and vulnerable, and that's not something he's willing to expose to just anyone.

Beau

Him making you a cup of coffee is a gesture of pure love. Yes, he could use the pods, and that's what guests get - a partner would make him want to grind the coffee and pour it himself so he can ensure quality. He's not sure people can taste love in the food but he's not going to risk it.

He's aware the cigars he smokes are too intense for some people, and will switch to regular cigs if someone seems too bothered by the smoke, but his mood will sour a little bit, it's simply not the same!

Used to be a very sickly child, mostly because he preferred to stay at home and didn't get much exposure to anything - after he started T and hitting the gym, forcing himself to go outside, he improved greatly! Now, even when he still enjoys lounging at home a bit too much despite his fast paced job, he'll convince himself to exercise at least once a week.

Very put off by anything with an exoskeleton. No, he won't eat seafood - yes, he understands it's fancy rich people food, he still won't touch it. To Beau there's no real difference between lobsters and dung beetles.

Has an embarrassing lack of knowledge on how makeup and other traditionally feminine items work. He can... Paint your nails for you, if you'd like? No, he doesn't want his claws to suffer that fate, but he'd observe his partner's make up routine, if they have one, with crow-like interest and flicking ears.... Just what is all that stuff?

[sunhalf]

chara stuff below the cut!

obvious caveat that any headcanons i talk about here only apply to my own writing; if i'm writing my chara with a frisk or my frisk with a chara, then obviously their headcanons about their character supersede my own.  this is just how i conceive of their relationship as it comes up when i'm writing frisk with other characters and chara's there in frisks's head.

frisk begins the game with 0 EXP, 0 LOVE — 0 level of violence.  0 killing intent or ability to harm other people.  they gain EXP and LOVE through the player’s (  the anomoly's! ) influence, and less meta - ly, through chara’s influence.  chara didn’t begin to influence frisk until they fell into the underground; chara’s soul may be destroyed, but their spirit can still be felt, a…presence remaining.  perhaps part in flowey, but most of it is free.  and searching for a suitably determined host.  they latched to frisk almost immediately after they fell — or, rather, shortly before the fight with toriel.

frisk suffers from depersonalization disorder and has frequent dissociative episodes, so the first time chara encouraged them to kill toriel, they honestly didn't notice anything was off.  watching their body act without their actual will was commonplace, after all.  but they would never, ever want to kill anyone, and were horrified when they realized what they’d done.  the first intentional reset, to bring toriel back, to do it RIGHT.

they didn’t realize what chara was, then, or what the anomoly was.  just that their mind wasn’t all theirs all the time — which, once again, didn’t feel that strange.  the mocking voices, calling them a murderer, calling them a failure, a monster.  it just…felt like Your Brain On Mental Illness.

chara hated sans the moment they first took hands, but frisk liked him, and that’s when they realized that maybe there was something more to the voice than their illness.  and chara fully outed themselves as something else, something worse, after they convinced frisk to kill papyrus.

NO, NO, I DIDN’T WANT — I C - CAN’T ——- !!

DON’T YOU DARE, FRISK.  YOU’RE WEAK.  I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET IT IF YOU —

RESET.

now that they knew there was something — someone — else inside of them, they started referring to chara as the other kid in thought, which eventually turned to the fallen until they learned their name.  after that, they were careful.  protective of their mind; it was hard, not to let them step in in the moments where they stepped out.  always mocking in their mind — GO BACK AND DO IT.  KILL.  KILL!  YOU’RE ALREADY A MURDERER, YOU’RE JUST PRETENDING OTHERWISE.  they didn’t let themselves fall again.

chara’s still there, even in the best ending.  they’re quieter, now, but they're still hurting.  they want a reset — they want a chance to undo it all.  to kill humans, especially, but monsters, too. or maybe just to make sure frisk never leaves them.  some moments, frisk feels like they should JUST DISAPPEAR, so chara can never use their body to make them undo this golden ending.  can never make them ruin this golden ending.  can never make them hurt their friends.

despite all this, chara isn't evil — at least not in any internal way. they do actively destroy the world given the chance, but that's motivated by their own fear and hurt and anger. and so much of that anger is on others' behalf! they were hurt and killed by humans, and they watched human after human, child after child come and be killed by the monsters below. they don't speak kindly to frisk, but so much of their corruption in a no mercy run is brought on, yes, by breaking further as frisk does fucked up shit — but it's also an expression of their fury on frisk's behalf. they're so, so angry and disgusted that the monsters keep trying to hurt them. they hate sans in part because they think he, in particular, failed frisk so badly. and if frisk completes the pacifist run and gets the golden ending, the chara is softened by frisk over time as well.

for example, chara was the one who helped frisk ‘save’ asriel after frisk had saved their friends. without them and the knowledge they gave frisk, frisk never would have been able to help him. frisk doesn’t know why they did it, and they won’t tell. but frisk suspects that it’s their love for asriel. chara was also the one providing the extra strength frisk needed to survive — 'but it refused' is a direct result of chara's interference.

frisk wants to save chara so badly. they believe they can. chara is starting to believe it, too.

[mistresspotterhead]

The American Ymbryne- Chap. 1

Alma Peregrine x fem!reader

Warnings: Yelling, slamming hands on a table, being outed (kind of)

Words: 1,900 on the dot

A/N: Wow, this took a lil bit. Alma doesn’t appear until the very end of this chapter, but she’ll be in the next one a lot. Everyone has been so kind, and that has helped a lot <3. Also: Miss Saker indicates the type of bird you are, not your given name. I hope you guys like this. 😊😊😊

Tags: @itsonlydana @evil-feather @merci-bitch @multimilfs @escapetodreamworld @gay-and-sad-tm @multifandomfix @romanottsmaximoff @n0thing-is-real-exe​ @theaudreymere 

(ask if you want to be added/removed)

In a strange way, Cairnholm reminded you of the Chicago loop you and your wards had just fled from. They were both very dreary, cold, and, from what you could tell from those on the ferry, the people would rather be anywhere else. 

“M-miss Saker? I’m cold.” The bundle of talking coats shivered next to you. 

“I know, Astrid. We’re almost there, though.” You sighed and looked out toward the slowly approaching coastline. Your surviving children, Elina, Alexander, Leonard, and, of course, Astrid, all huddled closer to you. You stared at Cairnholm for a while longer, until the ferryman’s voice suddenly called out.

“Alright everyone, ‘ere we are! The… lovely… Cairnholm!” He steered the small ferry over to the somehow smaller docks, and you led your children out.

“Is everyone here? Astrid, Leo, Elina, Alex?” David, Beth-Anne, Lisa, Frankie, June, Stefanie, Josef, Alice, Rosie, Reggie. You suppressed the urge to call out their names as well. 

“Yes, Miss Saker,” they called in long-suffering voices- you were very adamant about attendance. It was good to see something was normal.

“All right then. Leo, can you see where the loop is? And Alex, are there any other peculiars near?” Ah yes, your diviners. It was very lucky for all of you that they were two of those that survived the wight’s invasion of your loop. 

Your Chicago loop near the Art Institute was one of the last surviving loops in America maintained by an Ymbryne, along with your South Side, McKinley Park, and St. Louis loops, though the latter was run mainly by its older wards and reset once a week.

As of a fortnight ago, though, the Art Institute loop was the only one you had. McKinley Park was attacked by Wights and Hollows in December, with South Side following close in early January. Samuel, the sole survivor of McKinley Park, was what Syndrygasti call a Librarian. He could see hollows and alerted you to them when you were traveling to St. Louis for reset. The problem with this, though, was that Sammy was only five years old, and so frequently got distracted.

It wasn’t hard to understand- Illinois in 1975 was very colorful. Sammy was gone now, though, as were all most all of your children. Speaking of… 

“There aren’t any other peculiars on the island, Miss Saker- at least not in this time,” Alex said, startling you out of your thoughts.

“Thank you, dear. How are you faring, Leo? Have you located the loop? I don’t like being out in the open for this long.” For emphasis, Elina gave a giant, chattering shiver that was surely exaggerated.

“Indeed, but it is on the other side of the island, and the night is fast approaching.” 

You looked over and scowled at the sun; if you couldn’t get rest, then why was it allowed to?

“Well then. It looks like we’ll have to go into town.” Immediately, protests arose.

“Aw, no!”

“Come on, Miss Saker! We can make camp out here!”

“Because that sounds comfortable,” Leo deadpanned to Astrid.

“Well, it’s better than town! There probably isn’t even a hotel!”

“Actually, Astrid, that’s where you’re wrong.” Astrid looked shocked at the suggestion that she could ever be incorrect at something. “There is a hotel. It’s called the….” You took out the crumpled guidebook the ferryman had given to each tourist. “Preist Hole. What kind of hotel is called the Priest Hole?” You muttered that last part to yourself. “Anyway, off we go. Come along, single file now.”

Your ducklings dutifully arranged themselves from youngest to oldest, seven-year-old Elina closest to you and sixteen-year-old Leo at the back.

You hoped that the food was at least good.

Nope. Everything on the Preist Hole’s menu was covered with vinegar. You wondered if that was a Welsh thing or a Cairnholm thing. Maybe the owner just liked vinegar. Next to you, Elina was grimacing with every bite. On a whim, you decided to flag the bartender down.

“Hey, Kev, was it?” He grinned widely at you. You gave him a small smile in return.

“Yes, ma’am, that’s me. What can I do for you ‘n yer bunch today?” 

“I was just wondering if you had some fries- sorry, chips- with less vinegar. My youngest is still picky.”

“Hmm. Well, I’ll talk to Arnie ‘n see what he can whip up fer ye. He’s the cook, ye see.”

“Thank you so much, sir.” You attempted a bigger smile, but it still felt forced.

“Naw, it ain’t a problem, really. ‘N please, call me Kev. Sir sounds like I’m fifty- ‘n I’ve still got twenty years ‘fore that,” he chuckled.

“Well then, you must call me y/n.”

“Of course, ma’am- y/n, sorry.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s alright, Kev.” This time, your smile was a small bit genuine- his hesitancy was endearing.

“Yeh. Well, um, I’d better talk teh Arnie now. I’ve kinda been lingering here for a while.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t want to keep you from work, anyway.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t object if yeh did,” Kev concluded, winking before walking away.

Once he was out of earshot, Astrid started chittering.

“Ooh, was that flirting I saw, Miss Saker?” You rolled your eyes, and Alex guffawed into his water.

“Miss Saker? Flirt with a guy? I think Elina would drink an entire bottle of vinegar before that happened.” You turned your head sharply in his direction, but not before Astrid snapped back at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You jerk your head toward her now.

“Well, Miss Saker isn’t really the type to, ah, dabble in the male gene pool.” It was like you were watching tennis, really, with all this head-turning.

“That doesn’t make any-”

“ENOUGH!” You stood up, placing your hands on the bar. “This is not a discussion we are having, especially not here and now. Alex, I told you that information in confidence, and I am severely disappointed that you have betrayed that. Astrid, whether or not I am flirting with someone, and really my love life in general, is none of your concern. Do you both understand?”

They nodded, Alex looking especially ashamed of himself.

“Sorry, Miss Saker. It just slipped out.”

You sighed and ignored all the stares you and your wards were getting because of your outburst. 

“Alright, Alex. Just… you can’t share things that people tell you privately.”

“Yes, Miss Saker.” He was quiet after that, poking at his food.

It bothered you that he had shared that information, though it didn’t seem as if the other wards had understood. Of course, Leo was the only one you would expect to, as he was sixteen, but he had been sheltered in your loop his entire life. All of your wards had, really.

Just as you were beginning to sink into your past again, Kev came out with Elina’s new plate of fr- chips.

“Here ye are, little lady. I hope you like these better.” He smiled at Elina, tugging a small one out in return. You both watched expectantly as she took a tentative bite. And another. And another. Until the plate was almost gone, and she was rubbing her stomach in contentment.

“Well, that was fast.”

“It was good, Miss Saker. I wasn’t going to let it cool.” You laughed at the disapproving look on her face.

“Alright, alright. I suppose you have a good point.” You turned to Kev. “Thank you again, sir, for-”

“Kev.”

“...right. Thank you for doing this. How much will it cost?” You were ruffled at his interruption, but he didn’t notice. He pretended to think for a moment.

“Hmm… how much will makin’ a little girl ‘n her mam happy cost? I dunno.” He smiled at you. “It’s on the house. I can see that ye haven’t had such a good day, so….”

“Really? Are you sure? I mean, I have the money….”

“I’m completely sure. It’s good te make someone happy once in a while.”

“Well, I truly do thank you. It also seems that we’ll need a room, if that’s alright?”

“Sure. Room four was just recently vacated. It’s right up here.” He led you up the stairs, the kids trailing behind.

The room was small for five people, but it seemed like a mansion to the children, who only had their old, overcrowded loop to compare it to. There were four rickety beds, though they did seem to be clean, and a barren nightstand next to each of them. 

“Ah… I forgot that this only had four beds. I can get ye another room, or-”

“No, no, this is fine. Thank you for your help, Kev.” You subtly ushered him toward the door.

“Oh- well, if ye need anythi-”

“Yes, of course. Ta, then! Have a nice day!” You shut the door, leaving him very confused.

Alex was wheezing on the floor behind you.

“That… that was absolutely amazing Miss Saker! You are an absolute icon!” 

What in Abaton does that mean? You never could understand the new slang terms that the 1970s held. 

Elina yawned, setting off all the other children and alerting you to their needs.

“Alright then, time for bed.” Immediately, they were completely awake.

“I’m not tired at all, Miss Saker, therefore I shan’t be able to fall asleep.” 

“The fact that your accent is coming out very strongly tells me that you are indeed tired, Leo.” You crossed your arms. “Bed. now.” Your wards slouched, and grudgingly picked out a bed each.

“Miss Saker, where will you sleep tonight?” Astrid asked as you were tucking her covers in.

“On the floor, of course. Now, did you remember to take off your gloves?”

“But it won’t be comfortable! The floor is so hard and cold and dirty and-”

“Your gloves, Astrid.” She was very talkative, even late at night, though you had come to enjoy it. Sometimes.

She took off the gloves that helped control her peculiarity and was about to start chattering again when Elina suddenly spoke up from her bed in the corner.

“I could make you a nest with a spare blanket, Miss Saker?” You gave her one of your very rare genuine smiles.

“That would be lovely, Elina.”

“Wait- how did she know you were going to sleep in bird form?” Alex asked, finally catching on. You smiled again at Elina and kissed her on the forehead.

“She’s made me a little nest before when I fall asleep in my study while in bird form.”

“And that happens often?”

“Surprisingly so. Now, snuggle in and no more talking.” As the children said their goodnights, you finally transformed into your bird form; a stunning saker falcon. You jumped lightly onto Elina’s bed, careful not to hurt her with your razor-sharp talons or accidentally hit her with your wing (which had happened on more than one occasion). 

Though you nestled into the warm bunch of blankets right away, you didn’t fall asleep until much later, and even then, you were restless all night. 

---

Little did you know, in the old manor that you would trek to the next day, a group of peculiars and one very curious ymbryne had observed all of this. Alma LeFay Peregrine set her watch and gave the children a reassuring smile while she pondered what this meant and why her stomach had fluttered when you gave that dazzling smile.

[juliabohemian]

oh dear

I have noticed a number of posts circulating which imply that ANY character being mean to Loki EVER and for ANY reason = abuse.

I will admit that I initially felt mostly irritation at what appeared, on the surface, to constitute such a complete and utter lack of critical thinking. What I’ve realized, though, is that people who make such posts definitely believe what they are saying. And like everything people do and say, there’s a deeper reason for it. The fact is, traumatized characters attract traumatized fans. And not all of those fans are in a good place, emotionally. And those people are perfectly valid, even if the conclusions they draw are not.

When it comes to fiction, good characters are complex. That means they are conflicted and flawed. They make mistakes. They lash out when they are afraid or hurting. They sometimes hurt other characters. Loki fits that bill very well. It’s one of the reasons he is so popular. Not just with traumatized people, but with people in general. He’s relatable.

The problem comes when fans relate to fictional characters, but really aren’t conscious of why, because they aren’t all that conscious of themselves. They haven’t done a whole lot of self-reflection. Maybe because they aren’t ready, because their trauma is too fresh. Or maybe they are still living in crisis and don’t have the freedom to self-reflect. Those possibilities are all valid.

But very often, when a person goes through trauma and doesn’t have the luxury (and yes, it is a luxury) of working through it, their reasoning skills can become flawed as a result. Trauma, especially childhood trauma, tends to have a negative effect on our ability to socialize and form intimate relationships, because it damages our ability to interpret the intentions of others. We call this hostile attribution bias.

The problem with hostile attribution bias, is that it makes it difficult to tell when people genuinely mean you harm. If a person’s words, actions, or facial expressions are ambiguous in any way, they will be interpreted as being hostile in nature. This keeps one on the offensive, constantly, always anticipating the next blow. Very often, no such blow is coming. But it doesn’t matter. Fear is real, and the experience of it is real.

It stands to reason that someone who struggles to interpret the intentions of real-life people would also experience the same difficulty with fictional characters. For instance, fans who identify with Loki because they perceive him as being a victim will have a hard time seeing him as anything else. Thus, anyone who harms Loki in any way is just further proof that the universe is against him and always will be.

This is referred to as an external locus of control. It means that a person sees life as something that is happening TO them, and that they are powerless to affect the outcome. It’s also important to note that people with this mentality struggle deeply to heal from their trauma. They are stuck in a sort of Groundhog Day scenario, living the same thing out over and over again. Because of their flawed perception, everything that happens to them feels like an extension of that initial trauma.

So, it would make perfect sense that a person with a history of trauma, who suffers from attribution bias, and who has an external locus of control, would be extremely uncomfortable watching anything bad happen to Loki. In fact, it would probably be traumatic for them.

And while their feelings and their experience of those feelings are 100% real, their perception of reality is not entirely accurate. In other words, what they think is happening is not necessarily what is happening.

Loki’s initial trauma, believe it or not, was just being abandoned as an infant. Even though he can’t remember it, that experience alone can result in lifelong emotional struggles. In real life, we refer to this as an attachment disorder. A person with an attachment disorder usually develops major issues with abandonment. They also suffer from (wait for it) attribution bias. And that bias absolutely affects their perception.

Loki’s next trauma was being raised in a dysfunctional family. Not only were they dysfunctional, but they weren’t a very good fit for Loki. Loki was a quiet, contemplative person. He was a thinker, an intellectual. He would rather read or do magic. So, not a good fit for Asgardian society. The combination of Loki’s initial trauma, with his inherent temperament, and his dysfunctional family is what led to the inevitable breakdown that is regarded as Loki’s “villain” arc. I’d like to point out that, in reality, such a person would have probably suffered a breakdown much sooner than that. Typically, prior to reaching adulthood.

Loki’s next trauma was encountering Thanos. Now, we have no idea exactly what happened between Loki and Thanos. We know only that it wasn’t good and that it resulted in Loki being absolutely terrified of him. Other than that, details are fuzzy. I think it’s fair to assume that whatever mistreatment Loki endured probably qualified as torture. Whether it was physical or psychological, we cannot know for sure.

While Loki’s Thanos-related trauma was NOT an extension of his family-related trauma, his decision to entangle himself with Thanos was a product of that trauma. By which I mean that his willingness to align himself with someone like Thanos came from a place of desperation, and a desire to prove himself to someone who he perceived as being qualified to validate him.

So, fast forward to the LOKI show. Our version of Loki never returned to Asgard in chains, was never told that it was his birthright to die, nor endured any gaslighting from Ragnarok-Thor. He never got his neck broken by Thanos. He never went through any of that. He arrived at the TVA, fresh off his failed attempt to take over planet Earth. He was all fired up and defensive, as anyone in his situation would probably be.

Now, here’s where we need to put our critical thinking caps on. Because, I hate to tell you this, folks...but unlike most of the Loki content we’ve gotten prior, this content is actually well written. It’s VERY well written. And while it might be tempting to respond to it with pure emotion, it is imperative that we don’t abandon all logic and reason. This show is not an extension of the gauntlet of trauma we’ve watched Loki endure since he first appeared on screen. The creative minds involved in this venture ALL care deeply about Loki’s character and want to see him succeed (whatever that means for him).

Enter Mobius. He’s a cog in a very big machine. He likes to think of himself as being more than that. He establishes a rapport with his boss in the hopes of distinguishing himself from his peers. His interest in his work is personal. He likes what he does.

From Mobius’ point of view, Loki is an asset. He has information that could help solve the bigger puzzle. But Mobius exists in a world that affords him access to multiple realities. He has probably met dozens of Lokis. And he has probably seen hundreds of people casually pruned or executed or reset. It’s just part of the world he happens to be in. And he doesn’t question it, because he has been brainwashed.

So, does Mobius attempt to manipulate Loki? Absolutely. Just another day at the office. And it works, because he knows Loki better than Loki knows himself, has studied him and other Lokis. And it’s hard not to be mad at Mobius for causing Loki pain. Especially when that is followed up by Loki eagerly taking Mobius up on his offer to help track down the other Loki variant.

I think some people might find Loki’s enthusiasm disconcerting. And there are certainly aspects of it that can be considered such. Loki, at his core, just wants to be told that he is doing a good job, that his contributions matter. That part of him is definitely a product of trauma. But is Loki motivated entirely by his trauma? Not really. Despite his manipulations, Mobius offers Loki the closest thing to warmth and compassion that he has seen for a while. Some of that is genuine and some of that is not. And faced with the reality that everything he knows is gone, Loki does what most people in his situation would do, he tries to be productive. He gets busy. He distracts himself. Because at the moment, little else is under his control.

Despite all of that, you simply cannot have compassion for Loki and none for Mobius. Because Mobius is a victim too. He was abducted from his own reality. He is living a lie. He is part of something that, upon deeper reflection, he realizes he doesn’t agree with. He is so very much like the Loki we first met in 2011. He is such a well-written and multi-faceted character, I thoroughly enjoy his on screen time with Loki.

But I understand that there are people who are not in a place, emotionally, where they can overlook such plot devices. And I sincerely hope that those eventually people find healing. In the meantime, let’s try to remember that this is a work of fiction. And unlike real-life trauma, when it becomes upsetting, we can turn it off and walk away.

[iamanartichoke]

[please blacklist spoiler tags: #loki tv series spoilers, #loki series spoilers, #loki spoilers]

I need to talk about the Avengers. 

I just want to express how much I hate that the Avengers aren’t on the hook for all their time travel nonsense bc they were “supposed to” do it and Loki is on the hook bc he wasn’t. 

I mean, I am glad that they addressed it right away - that Loki was inadvertantly caught up in the Avengers' time meddling, and that apparently they were doing what they were supposed to and that's why none of them were on trial, but - there are two things going on here that I have issue with. One is, of course, the scapegoating of Loki once a-fucking-gain, but the other is that there's a legitimate problem inherent in framing the Avengers' deeds as The Right Thing So There Are No Consequences, especially because it directly leads to Loki (and only Loki) being scapegoated since, apparently, someone's got to answer for all of this. 

Why Were The Avengers Supposed to Undo the Snap?? 

Of all the possible options they could have gone with (such as reversing time back to just before the Snap happened), going back through time to gather the stones and use them to undo things five years later is, like, one of the worst?? Best case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously incompetent in managing the sacred timeline and worst case scenario, it implies that the TVA is ridiculously adept in managing the sacred timeline, if their goal is to have it be the worst possible timeline anyone could end up in. 

The Avengers may have done an arguably good thing in undoing the Snap - I don't disagree that those people should've lived - but they also royally fucked over a lot of things in the process and left Earth (and presumably many many other worlds) in total post-Snap chaos while fucking off to die be with their families and/or start new lives. 

This goes back to the plan itself. One of my many issues with Endgame is that not only is the plan convoluted and, frankly, stupid, but also I have a real problem with the concept of the Avengers just saving the world as they see fit, regardless of whether or not that's actually the best thing to do. (If the Russos hadn't done such a shit job with explaining what the Accords were actually supposed to do, then maybe this could have been addressed somehow - like, okay, together we may have the brains and resources to carry off this plan but does that mean we're the ultimate authority on whether or not we should? Maybe we should check with, like, the UN or something about this? [and it’s entirely possible the UN was mentioned and I have forgotten it bc I’ll be honest, I watched Endgame once and have bitched about it ever since.] I digress.) 

The narrative in Endgame and into the MCU beyond plays like the Avengers only care about saving the world when they stand to personally gain from it (they want their friends and family back, they want to feel like they didn't fail, they have unilaterally decided that what they want is the Best Thing for everyone) and once the Good Deed is done and the smoke clears from the battlefield, there's no concern with saving the mess of the world they created. 

TFatWS addressed so many of the problems with the post-reverse-Snap, which implies that the MCU (both in-universe and out) is aware that things are fucked up now. People's lives were literally ruined by what the Avengers did. Refugees are displaced. Humans are coming back to a world where they've been dead for five years and their loved ones have moved on and their homes have been sold and their bank accounts have been closed and they have no jobs. And that’s just on Earth. Yet no one (again, both in-universe and out) feels the need to hold the Avengers accountable for any of this. 

Plus, what about the people who died as a result of the Snap but not from the Snap directly? What about the planes that fell from the sky when the pilots turned to dust? The cars that crashed and collided when the drivers poofed? Etc. Like, fuck all of those people I guess? 

And who, exactly, is "supposed to" clean up the Avengers' mess now that the actual Avengers are either dead, old and living on the moon, or retired? Is it on Sam's shoulders alone (or, rather, Sam and Bucky's)? Is Peter Parker (yknow, the 15 year old Nick Fury went and recruited bc there was no one else) supposed to be fixing things? 

The TVA takes responsibility for none of this. They sit back in their nightmare DMV-esque office and claim that all is as it should be but my question remains: please explain to me how the outcome of the post-Snap universe is ultimately satisfactory to anyone besides the Avengers? 

There's also the fact that Loki figures out right away that the Avengers were engaging in some time travel shenanigans ("the cologne of two Tony Starks is hard to miss” lmfao Loki you snarky shit). Loki recognizes that there's been an opportunity created of which he can take advantage, but he isn't responsible for creating it. The Avengers messed up and created that opportunity so, even if they were supposed to be doing what they were doing, there are still no consequences for the fact that they made a mistake that allowed Loki to then branch off and create a new timeline. 

Let's also say that we accept that the Avengers were supposed to undo the Snap exactly as they did. Okay, sure. BUT: 

- Was Steve, then, also supposed to decide to fuck back off to the 1940s and marry Peggy (which created two Steves, right? The one who was married to Peggy all along and the one who was in the ice?? The TVA is just okay with two Steves?)? 

- What is the actual point of Stephen Strange having the time stone and using the time stone both to gain the advantage over Darmammushumuuyourmom (I’m sorry, I can’t remember his real name) and to look at all the possible timelines to figure out how to defeat Thanos? 

- How is it possible that there are 14 million potential timelines in which the Avengers failed if the TVA’s entire thing is that there can only be one true ring timeline to rule them all? The fact that Stephen can look ahead and determine so many outcomes based on the choices they're making would mean that people do have free will and that their actions aren't automatically dictated by what's “supposed to” happen. They had to make the right choices in order to get to the one timeline in which Thanos failed. 

- What’s the point of Stephen having to protect the time stone, anyway, if there are presumably a few others in Casey’s drawer?

- On that note, if there are a lot of infinity stones hanging around in the TVA’s desk drawers, what makes the original six the specific, correct ones that Thanos had to collect in order to pull off the Snap and why is it then those specific six the ones that the Avengers had permission to go back through time to get in order to undo the Snap as the Timekeepers intended?

- And actually, in fact, if there’s only one sacred timeline and anyone who fucks it up without permission gets “reset” (aka made nonexistent, along with their timeline branch) then, again, why does Stephen have to protect the time stone? Either anyone who steals it was supposed to, or their timeline gets eliminated and the theft ceases to matter. 

- Less significant but also still kinda significant is how Agents of SHIELD figures into all of this. The TVA knows that Loki killed Coulson but they don't know (or don't care?) that Coulson was brought back to life and proceeded, with his team, to go on and get heavily involved in time travel and going back and forth and bringing people from the past into the present? So the TVA is okay with Daniel Sousa leaving his timeline but not with Loki leaving his? 

... I have literally confused myself with all of this, so if anyone followed my train of thought here, congratulations and maybe you can explain it to me lmao. 

But here's my ultimate point: the sacred timeline that the TVA is tasked with maintaining is not sensical or linear. It's full of gaps and holes and people taking matters into their own hands to determine both their own fates and the fates of others. As a result, a lot of people suffer kinda needlessly based on the events in said timeline, and apparently it's perfectly fine for all of this nonsense to occur so that everyone else has some element of control - 

- but Loki is literally the only one who is told uh, actually, no, you are supposed to live a shitty life and die a pointless death and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it bc it's supposed to happen. 

What in the actual fuck kind of logic is that??? 

Thus, either the TVA (and the Timekeepers) are grossly incompetent, or else they're extremely competent and also really fucking shitty beings who just enjoy the needless suffering of others. 

And somehow this is all Loki's fault!!

And then Mobius has the fucking audacity to say, to Loki's face, “you only exist to prop up everyone else and you, Loki Odinsonson Laufeyson mischief god and king of space lol, do not have any inherent worth or value as your own person. You were born to be a scapegoat and you will die a scapegoat and there's no getting around that, if we have anything to say about it.”

To quote Loki, in a very twisted way - yes, it's funny. It's absurd. 

Does, uh, does this make sense? At some point I crossed over from meta-writing into straight up ranting and so, well, here we are. 

[vashak]

Eiji’s war

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

Originally posted on 22 December 2019 in Turkish here.

No, I’m not done yet.

I previously wrote about how Eiji found a new purpose in life after meeting Ash and getting to know his world, which helped him come out of the depression he suffered back in Japan. But what exactly is Eiji’s new purpose in life? It’s saving Ash from his very “different” world.

In the beginning of the story, we saw how devastated Eiji was when he found out that Ash was ready to use his one and only trump card (the capsule containing the Banana Fish drug) against Golzine, knowing full well that he wouldn’t win.

Ash had risked his own life to save Eiji’s when he didn’t know him at all and now Eiji doesn’t have the heart to let him walk to his death. It’s like he’s thinking to himself, “How can a boy my age find himself in such an impasse?” This is the first time we see Eiji rebel against the world Ash’s living in.

But Eiji does more than silently shed tears, especially once things get more complicated. For example, here he’s basically telling Ash to quit doing things that would put him in harm’s way.

Later, when it becomes clear that there’s no “quitting” in this world (because they simply won’t let you), Eiji comes up with a different suggestion.

And this offer is so unexpected that Ash doesn’t understand at first. Eiji simply asks him again if he would like to come to Japan with him. He is presumably surprised that Ash was so taken aback by such a straightforward question. Ash’s surprise is telling me that he never even thought it would be possible to leave this life behind.

Eiji’s offer also means this: I forgive you. Going to Japan to start a new life means that Ash won’t have to account for all the bad things he did in the past. Ash doesn’t believe there’s such a possibility or that he deserves such a chance. So he averts his gaze and comes up with an excuse. I just realized that there’s a pattern here. When Ash makes such excuses, he always puts himself down as if to say he’s not worthy of Eiji’s offer.  But then, as you’ll see in the scene below, he realizes that this attitude only serves to embarrass Eiji, so he stops and apologizes.

What this scene inherently tells us is just how ashamed Ash feels about the things he was forced to do all his life. It is also a good example of the difference in opinion between Ash and Eiji—while Ash thinks so little of himself, Eiji thinks the world of him.

When Eiji repeats his offer to go to Japan together a second time, he can’t stay so calm.

Because by then, Ash gave himself up to Golzine as hostage in exchange for Eiji’s life, underwent an eating disorder, started a guerilla war, got raped and is still fighting against commandos as they’re having this conversation.

This time, Ash tells him what he really thinks instead of coming up with excuses. He says “My hands are dirty with other people’s blood,” implying that he doesn’t deserve a fresh start. “But you had to. Or you would be killed yourself,” replies Eiji, whereas previously, when they were quarreling before Ash’s one-to-one fight with Arthur, Eiji had yelled “You are not the kind of man who shoots defenseless people!” to his face. It seems that Eiji has learned the cruel ways of Ash’s world since then.

There is another reason why Ash is not taking Eiji up on his offer besides thinking that he doesn’t deserve a fresh start. Ash thinks he’s a troublemaker and will put those around him in danger no matter where he is (I talked more about this here). And as expected, he tells Eiji exactly that: “I’m bad news, Eiji. Doesn’t matter where I go… And you’ll get caught up in it. Like you are now.”

We know by now that Eiji never even once stayed silent when Ash said something to stigmatize himself. He always told Ash otherwise and explained why in a perfectly logical way. All this time, he calmly and patiently fought against Ash’s toxic mindset. But this time, he’s had enough.

This is the first time Eiji puts his emotions into words in such a raw way. He literally screams how much he cares about Ash. And a minute later, he indisputably proves just how much by pushing Ash away and taking bullet for him.

This incident resets all the progress Eiji’s so far made to change Ash’s self-loathing mindset. The fact that Eiji almost died because of him and later Lao’s tirade against Ash in front of all the gang members (“He ain’t human! He’s a goddamn monster!”) make Ash feel ashamed and disgusted at himself.

Then comes the wretched hospital scene… This scene is drenched in symbolism, but it actually serves to make us understand one simple fact: Similar to how Eiji can’t survive in Ash’s world, Ash will never be accepted in Eiji’s world. Eiji’s not capable of protecting himself in Ash’s world. He’ll always be vulnerable as long as he stays there. And in Eiji’s world, Ash will never be accepted by others in the way Eiji accepts Ash. He’ll ultimately be seen as a criminal rather than a victim and will have to answer to the law for what he did.

So Ash enters the hospital. He’s been reminded in the most painful way that he can never be part of Eiji’s world and has come to say goodbye to his friend one last time. Eiji vaguely hears Ash’s accented “sayounara” and crawls out of bed with great difficulty to stop him from leaving (Ash can’t pronounce the second syllable long, but instead says “sa-yo-na-ra”). But just then, Charlie and Ibe-san notice Ash and come after him. Eiji knows that even if they have good intentions now, eventually Ash will be found guilty. And, for the first time in his life, Eiji tells Ash to leave him. He screams “Go!” with all his might. The anime adaptation did a wonderful job showing us how difficult this must have been for Eiji to do.

I think Eiji inherently knew that this was the last time he would see Ash. But he refused to believe it, because that would mean that he himself had surrendered to the fatalistic mindset that he was trying to liberate Ash from. So what does Eiji do next? What he does best, of course.

Remember when Eiji wanted to pass a message to Ash through his gang members when Ash tried to send him back to Japan without telling him? He asked Bones and Kong to tell Ash to “take care of his life” and that he would “always wish him luck” even from far away.

So this time, Eiji writes a letter to Ash in case he can’t see him before going to Japan. He pours in all that he feels. The letter ends up being the most earnest summary of everything Eiji has been trying to make Ash understand.

… You said to me before, “We live in different worlds” … We are friends. Isn’t that enough? … But I never felt scared of you, not even once … Actually, I always felt that you are hurt, much more than me—that your spirit is wounded … I always wanted to protect you … I think I wanted to protect you from your future … You can change your fate …

Eiji wants these words to accompany Ash while he’s away: “You are not alone, Ash. I am with you. My soul is always with you.” The one-way ticket to Japan he encloses with the letter serves as a reminder of his invitation. We know that Eiji had every intention of seeing Ash again from his thoughts on the plane. What didn’t cross his mind at all was without a doubt that Ash would draw his last breath as he read Eiji’s heartfelt words.

When it comes to Ash’s death, I feel overwhelmed with a series of unanswered questions as I previously indicated here and here. For example…

When Sing can’t get Ash to say anything to Eiji, he can’t bear to face Eiji empty-handed so he sees him off with a few made-up parting words in Ash’s stead (Aww, isn’t he precious?). Does Eiji ever realize this? Can he tell that Sing made up Ash’s parting words? I think he can. So does he ever confront Sing about this before or after Garden of Light? Who knows.

And just how much does Eiji know about Ash’s death? He knows that his letter distracted Ash, so he didn’t see Lao coming. But does he know that Ash had read part of his letter by then and started running to the airport? Does he know that Ash went back to the library after getting wounded to read the rest of his letter? Does he know that Ash laid his head on his letter and died with a smile on his face?

I really wish for a “yes” to these questions.

To me, the story of Banana Fish is more antagonistic towards Eiji than Ash. Yes, all the bad stuff happen to Ash but he’s never shocked that they do. The leopard has learned how harsh the ascent can be. Eiji, on the other hand, believes he can save Ash from this shitty world. He is proven wrong a number of times but he never stops believing that. As I mentioned in the answer to this ask, if you think about it, in the end Ash dies just like he knew he would.

He is stabbed by a street thug who held a grudge against him and dies just like that. In the end, he couldn’t change his fate like Eiji tried to make him believe. In the end, the leopard couldn’t climb down the mountain. But what’s remarkable is that Eiji never surrenders to Ash’s fatalistic mindset even after his death. Not even once. He never says things like “He was right after all and I was wrong. He couldn’t change his fate and trouble never ever left him alone.” Instead he says this:

The End

[oumaheroes]

WIP Extract- Breathe

This comes from my fic Reset, which is long and large and something that is most certainly impossible to read in a day.

The fic itself mainly focuses on England and France with FrUK as the relationship, but I enjoyed writing this interaction between Scotland and England and wanted to share. Context wise, England has been shot in the shoulder and has got himself into a bit of a political pickle- Scotland was called in to help dig him out of the very self-inflicted hole.

-----------

Scotland did most of the talking. England was far too tired to argue or to properly conceptualise any next steps that were needed and the only emotion he found distinguishable from bone aching tiredness was deep gratitude. Now that everything was being handled by someone else, and someone else who England trusted to be competent, there was no panic or worry to keep him alert and he was finding it increasingly difficult to stay conscious, let alone remain focused on conversations enough to be able to provide intelligent input.

France was very much the same. He hadn't spoken much more since the motorhome, not even when North had laughed at him for his ridiculously baggy stolen clothes. The location of France's own things was a mystery- perhaps they had been abandoned at the care home or chucked out of the window as they'd driven here- who knew. Technically they were England's clothes anyway, so France wasn't too bothered.

The most France had done was rummage through Scotland's luggage before they set off and triumphantly pull one of Wales’ jumpers out from his suitcase to take for his own.

'If I ever insult the lovely Wales' fashion choices again, please remind me of this moment.'

It was a horribly garish thing, mottled with splashes of bright red and blue. It was entirely the sort of thing Scotland would also eye up and steal. Terrible looking though they may be, Wales' jumpers were, somehow, always the most comfortable and he was frequently annoyed with his siblings for taking them if he left them anywhere for too long, which he often did.

'We all know that as soon as you get back to your own clothes you will conveniently forget this conversation.'

France ignored England in favour of pulling the jumper over his head and giving a long sigh of contentment.

'Go on, hurry up,' Scotland pushed past him to the driver's door, causing him to stumble forwards, 'chuck England something to cover the blood and get in the car already. I'm leaving with or without you in five minutes.'

Although they now had the backing of the embassy to explain any erratic and untoward behaviour concerning the general public, England did look particularly horrific and it probably wouldn't end well if they waltzed in looking as they did. There was a high chance someone would panic and phone an ambulance which was the last thing anyone wanted- hospitals were always risky for their kind and drawing more attention to themselves at the moment wouldn't be wise.

Because of this, England before too long thankfully found himself in a hotel lobby wearing an extremely large green monstrosity he was most certainly not going to give back later.

Someone, probably not Scotland because the place was far too comfortable looking and Scotland was always the most careful (England preferred the word stingy) with money out of all of them, had arranged a hotel for them in Le Mans. It wasn't anywhere too extravagant or fancy but it was a bed each and that was honestly all England wanted right now. It wasn’t even that late in the evening but all he could think about was going to sleep somewhere and being left very much alone.

Sadly, he wasn't given that luxury. As soon as they'd checked in and avoided the suspicious eyes of the hotel staff, Scotland had bullied him into his room and through to the bathroom. He'd requested that the embassy bring additional medical supplies when they arrived for their nations to use and whilst England was pulling off the top most layers of clothing he unpacked them on his bed, picking out what he thought they'd need.

'It's not too bad,' England called out to him from the bathroom, giving up on his top completely and cackhandedly cutting his way free with a pair of medical scissors. In the room next door, he could hear the sound of a shower turning on- France must have jumped straight in, 'it'll be fine with a wash.'

Scotland returned with some bandages and antiseptic solution and placed them down on the counter, 'Sure.'

'Honestly.'

'Okay.'

'There's no point fussing, I can do it myself.'

England made a grab for the antiseptic but Scotland moved it back and away, out of easy reach, 'Christ, would you stop?'

'Just give it here, you go check on France or North.'

'No, England sit.'

There was a wooden chair in the bathroom and Scotland pulled it over and tried to push England into it. Too tired to properly fight him England sat, but reached over to the counter to grab for the gauze.

Scotland slapped his hand away and stood in front of them, blocking him.

'Scotland. Let me-'

'Bollocks to that, look,'

Scotland crouched down in front of him and England bristled immediately at the offense, 'Don't treat me like a child.' He wasn’t dying.

'I'm not, just,' Scotland made an exasperated noise, 'calm the fuck down.'

'I am calm, you are what is currently stressing me out.' England grit his teeth and forced himself to sound level-headed and somewhat close to polite. He really couldn't be arsed to deal with any more grief today and his tolerance for his brothers' particular flavour of annoyance was always low.

'No, hear me out for a minute,' Scotland put a large hand on England's good shoulder and let it rest there, heavy, and England tensed at the contact, 'breathe, for just one bloody second. Even before France came back you weren't feeling great and you've had a shit few days. Just breathe, and stop trying to take control of every damn thing.'

Scotland's eyes looked far too serious and, dare he say, concerned and England tried to shrug him off, 'I'm fine, I only got caught in the shoulder- it's nothing any of us haven't had before. There's no need for all of this,' England gestured with his head to the neat rolls of bandages and the bottle of antiseptic. They were modern luxuries to them; effective and modern medical supplies were only things that were easily to hand in the last century. England had received far worse injuries before, hell, had received far worse injuries from Scotland before- this truly was nothing worthy of any particular extra care or attention.

What he wanted was for Scotland to leave him alone and go and check on North, to make sure he was okay and let England pick at his shoulder how he wanted. Scotland wasn't usually one to provide any form of tender affection or coddling, whilst England had been growing up Scotland's method of child rearing at been a firm, rough bluntness that he now found oddly comforting and expected. This sort of behaviour usually came from Wales, so to see it from Scotland was incredibly unnerving.

'I'm not talking about the shoulder,' Scotland only tightened his hold and England tipped his head back against the wall in frustration, 'I can feel you better now that I'm close and you're putting me on edge.'

There were benefits to being in a political union. The UK was made up of four separate countries, four independent states with long, messy histories that intertwined yes, but were still very separate beings. However, under the United Kingdom they formed one nation, one political entity and that caused a strange blurring of self, sometimes. It gave them all a sort of fuzzy idea as to how the other members of the union were doing- how the English banks were faring, how the Welsh harvest was coming along, how much the tourism in Northern Ireland had swelled and boosted the local economy and how much the fishing industry was suffering in Scotland.

It was handy; it was extremely useful when it came to planning and understanding how to best move forward as one nation of 4 people, and it was also a pain.

It was a pain because England couldn't hide himself as much as he wanted to around his brothers these days, couldn't put on an entirely impenetrable mask of indifference as he would like because if there was something wrong then the other members of the United Kingdom would know about it, regardless of how much he tried to cover it up. He was used to this feeling of intimacy with Wales, who had been bound to him since 1301, but Scotland still felt somewhat new. They hadn't always had a peaceful relationship, their people had often been at very bloody war with each other, and at times it still felt odd for Scotland to read him so well, even after three hundred odd years together. Especially in moments when England wanted to come across differently to how he really felt.

It sometimes felt even stranger for Scotland to act upon England's vulnerability with kindness rather than take advantage, although England knew that he was being unfair to think that. He hadn't always given his eldest brother the opportunity to demonstrate anything other than what England had come to expect and a lot of that he knew in hindsight was self-inflicted.

As for right now...

England forced himself to meet Scotland’s eye, 'I'll be fine. I just need to sleep and eat something and get home.'

'Aye, I know,' Scotland gave his shoulder a brief pat before letting go, standing up to pick up the supplies on the counter, 'but you feel like you're gonna have a heart attack so until then, let someone else do something for a change. You don't have to do it all on your own.'

England closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the tap as Scotland washed his hands. Scotland was calm and healthy, his banks were strong, his people were happy and he felt steady and familiar- an old ancient lullaby and a well-trodden path to home.

Despite what he said, and even though he wouldn't never admit this even to himself, having Scotland nearby felt good and England had to concede that maybe his brother was right. He took a deep breath in and held it for a moment before letting it go, feeling the tension that he hadn't realised was there lift from his shoulders and jaw.

Scotland made a noise of approval and stepped closer, a calloused hand on England's arm to warn him about the incoming stinging sensation, 'everything is being handled. After this I'll go grab us something to eat, drag North in the shower, and you can go to bed.'

Belatedly, England realised that their entire conversation was being held in Brythonic and although a small part of himself was unamused that Scotland could trick and lull him into passivity so easily, he was mostly grateful for it. A shared history, a collective notion of stability, peace and default comfort wasn't something to take for granted. England couldn't quite bring himself to express this in words, but he hoped that his appreciation for it came across well enough by keeping his eyes shut and doing as he was told.

[keytomind]

This word used to terrify me. At times, it still does.

When you’re a child, you’re invulnerable to the realities of adulthood. You think your world will always have some sort of stability and you don’t have to worry about growing up anytime soon.

When I was 12, my 16 year old brother passed away in a car accident, the first night he went out driving. I shared a room with him. We shared a lot of things and even though I didn’t understand it then, he was my best friend. I assumed I would have him for a lifetime, but for whatever reason, his lifetime was 16 years, 1 month and 22 days.

Today serves as the 11 year anniversary of when we buried him the second time. Yes, you read that correctly. We disinterred his remains and moved him to a better cemetery closer to us. We buried him twice. When I say my soul is old, it’s because my childhood ended at 12 and I wasn’t prepared.

This is why I was so terrified of change, from a young age. My parents worked very hard, but they did well for themselves. Our struggles weren’t financial; our struggles were losses. I lost a lot of people, starting at a young age. When you come from a small family and the losses keep coming, it’s confusing to a young child searching for that stability. My mother was an only child and my father only has two brothers; when you lose people from such a small circle, you notice it and it lingers forever.

I recently wrapped up an extended weekend trip and it proved to be more reflective than usual, spending endless hours in thought. I currently live in the same state where I was born and I’ve never called anywhere else home. But that is about to change in a year or two when I relocate either south to the Carolinas or far west to Montana. Such a move to someone like me, so resistant to accepting change, would sound intimidating and challenging, however this is going to be a different kind of change.

The loss of my brother was a change that nobody would ever want for themselves or anybody else. COVID has changed our lives for more than a year now... nobody wanted that. I think we subconsciously tend to associate change as a negative, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Sometimes we need to lead by example and be the change that we want to see, and after spending my entire life here, I know that it’s the right time to make such a change.

I am just a few days shy of my 39th birthday and, as far as I’m concerned, I’m probably at what I’d call my half life. If I can double that time and make it to 78, that sounds about enough to me. My goal isn’t to make it to my mid 90’s, to have a nurse or an orderly wipe my ass and change my diaper to rot away my so-called golden years in a nursing home. Fuck that, I’ve seen enough of that to know that’s not for me. I try to live enough to make sure that I shave a few years off my life because I’ll only be shaving off those years where the quality of life is questionable at best.

At my half life, I am ready for a hard reset. I live in the northeast part of the country and, folks, it’s a rat race up here. Everyone is in a rush to go nowhere and no one has manners anymore. I’m a country boy stuck in an uncomfortable world. You could say it’s like that everywhere, but I’ve been everywhere else and everywhere else seems to have a way of life that makes me want more. I’m ready to slow down a bit. Somewhere unadulterated from human life. This doesn’t mean I’m looking to retire at 39 (that would be nice, right?) but I long for a place where I can let my guard down a little bit because I’m tired. And most importantly, there’s an enthusiasm about looking forward to building something new.

The biggest challenge that will come with this change will be saying goodbye to my mama. She knows of my intentions and she certainly doesn’t wish to see me go. Since my brother passed, my life goals have been simple and there are only two. The first is to be happy and satisfied with my life. Any other life isn’t worth living. My other goal is to outlive my mother simply so she doesn’t have to bury her other son. She has suffered enough.

I have offered my mother to come live with me when it is time. Other than my sister and her two children, she doesn’t have any ties left to the area, similar to me. Her dog is getting older and she worries she will be too old to get another dog. I’d let her live with me so I can take care of her and provide for her to have another dog. She also loves horses as much as I do and it’s another dream of mine to have one or two of these in my lifetime. It could be a nice, country life.

The truth is my plans for this cabin have been in the works for a few years now. I’m not just here on Tumblr for smut, laughs, and kinky GIFs; you can find that anywhere. I’m constantly perusing ideas for building and adding it to my ever-growing iPhone note. I want to build the cabin that I am going to die in one day. If I want to spend a lifetime there, and if I want to start over away from everything I know, might as well do the job right.

Remember, what’s a goal without a plan? A wish.

Don’t be resistant to change. Sometimes we get what we need rather than what we want. I could have some things made here, but the truth is it’s not what I need in my life. This time served a purpose, and I am grateful, but soon, it will be time to build. Be as prepared as possible for life throwing you a curveball or two, but whatever happens, do your best. Learn from life and embrace some change.

@keytomind March 2021

[vivithefolle]

Ron’s greatest acts of bravery

An itty-bitty butthurty Harmony shipper reported this answer of mine and got it deleted by the Quora moderation. Naturally, I have contested this decision, but my appeal has been unanswered as of now. So here’s what we’re going to do, folks: I’m gonna repost this answer of mine here, where no angwy widdle Hawmony shipper can censor it. And y’all are going to spam the reblog button until people can’t go in the Harry Potter tag without finding this answer reblogged at least five times over. Good? Good.

(this is totally a demarcation line I don’t know what you’re talking about)

What was Ron Weasley's greatest act of bravery in any of the Harry Potter movies or books?

We of course have the mythical “I’ll be a knight” but that’s so easy. Ron would die for his loved ones any day of any week, because that’s how stupidly selfless and self-effacing he is.

There is the equally mythical “If you want to kill Harry, you’ll have to kill us too!” which reeks of badassery and awesomeness, but it has also been quoted before, and to be fair that wasn’t one of Ron’s greatest acts of bravery. Oh, yes, it is incredibly brave, but Ron has plenty more of those to give.

One that is often forgotten is “He beat you!”, spoken to Voldemort in the flesh, which also highlights just how far Ron has come from the beginning of the series - because unlike what the haters want you to believe, Ronald Weasley has an actual character arc. An arc that keeps getting reseted and postponed in-between books because his author is too busy trying to make her Mary Sue look better instead, but he has one, and it’s so perfectly illustrated by this:

"... and until Hagrid told me, I didn't know anything about be ing a wizard or about my parents or Voldemort" Ron gasped. "What?" said Harry. "You said You-Know-Who's name!" said Ron, sounding both shocked and impressed. "I'd have thought you, of all people --" - Philosopher’s Stone

—-

"Malfoy's dad must have told him," said Harry, ignoring Ron. "He was right in Voldemort's inner circle --" "Say You-Know-Who, will you?" interjected Ron angrily. - Prisoner of Azkaban

—-

“My scar hurts, and three days later the Death Eaters are on the march, and Voldemort's sign's up in the sky again." "Don't - say - his - name!" Ron hissed through gritted teeth. "And remember what Professor Trelawney said?" Harry went on, ignoring Ron. - Goblet Of Fire

—-

"You see?" said Voldemort, and Harry felt him striding backward and forward right beside the place where he lay. "Harry Potter is dead! Do you understand now, deluded ones? He was nothing, ever, but a boy who relied on others to sacrifice themselves for him!" "He beat you!" yelled Ron, and the charm broke, and the defenders of Hogwarts were shouting and screaming again until a second, more powerful bang extinguished their voices once more.

From the boy who flinched at Voldemort’s name, to the man who was the first to sass back to Voldemort when the latter dissed his best mate. To say nothing of the fact that this was the first time Ron ever saw Voldemort in the flesh. Ron had never seen Voldemort before, yet the second Voldemort says something about Harry, Ron is up in arms and ready to kill the Dark Lord with his bare hands.

We could go with the tested-and-true “follow the spiders”. Unlike in the movies where Harry immediately sees a trail of spiders and Ron follows moaning and bumbling all the while, in the books Harry and Ron are comfortably in the castle when they decide to follow. Ron has the time to psych himself up, to terrify himself into imagining the spiders, and was given the time to backtrack a million times over. But he didn’t. This one Tumblr post has said it all.

Yes, “Follow the spiders” is probably one of Ron’s bravest moments, but…

But, but, but.

There’s more.

Sure, I absolutely adore Ron and can’t choose between all those awesome moments he has to his name, because they’re all so wonderful. From the ones that highlight just how much he’s grown and developed in spite of his own author treating him like an afterthought; from the ones that showcase just how good a kid he is, how much he loves and fights for his friends; all those moments that show that no, Ron Weasley isn’t a fair-weather friend and anyone who calls him that needs a high-five in the face with a block of concrete…

Out of those moments, out of them all, I have to pick something that is too often forgotten, too often glossed over, even by those of us who love Ron.

I’m talking, naturally, of his return.

Harry had no strength to lift his head and see his savior’s identity. All he could do was raise a shaking hand to his throat and feel the place where the locket had cut tightly into his flesh. It was gone. Someone had cut him free. Then a panting voice spoke from over his head, “Are—you—mental?”

Whether you think that Ron “abandoned” Harry and Hermione, whether you think that Ron is a traitor or a man with the patience of a saint who put up with Harry and Hermione’s bullshit for too long. Whether you think the three times Harry told him to leave were a factor or whether you place the blame solely on Ron’s shoulders.

Ron comes back to save Harry’s life.

But not only that.

“No!” said Ron. “No, don’t open it! I’m serious!” “Why not?” asked Harry. “Let’s get rid of the damn thing, it’s been months—” “Because that thing’s bad for me!” said Ron, backing away from the locket on the rock. “I can’t handle it! I’m not making excuses, Harry, for what I was like, but it affects me worse than it affected you and Hermione, it made me think stuff — stuff I was thinking anyway, but it made everything worse. I can’t explain it, and then I’d take it off and I’d get my head on straight again, and then I’d have to put the effing thing back on—I can’t do it, Harry!” He had bakced away, the sword dragging at his side, shaking his head.

Ron came back, even though he knew it would mean being with the thing that had tortured him all this time.

The thing that latched onto all of Ron’s weak spots, cultivated them, weaponized them, used them to push Ron closer and closer to the edge, until he couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. (Funny how some will act as though Hermione’s birds were her “snapping”, but when Ron is holding Voldemort’s soul in his hands and going insane under their very eyes they just say “hurr durr teh locket didnt do nuthin”…)

And with this thing preying on him, tormenting him, Ron did what any rational, sane human being would have done when their abuser forgets to lock the door.

He opened it and ran.

But, but, but, and that’s where the bravery comes in.

He came back.

He knew there was this thing that preyed upon him relentlessly, a thing that managed to make him believe his best friends didn’t want nor cared about him, that his entire existence amounted to nothing, that he was just a waste of space nobody wanted around.

“Why return? We were better without you, happier without you, glad of your absence... We laughed at your stupidity, your cowardice, your presumption —”

“You mother confessed,” sneered Riddle-Harry, while Riddle-Hermione jeered, “that she would have preferred me as a son, would be glad to exchange...” “Who wouldn’t prefer him, what woman would take you, you are nothing, nothing, nothing to him,” crooned Riddle-Hermione

Ron fled from this sort of abuse, from this sort of torture, then he decided to come back for more.

Because even though he believed his friends didn’t need him, even though he thought his friends were better off without him, he still wanted to make himself useful. He still wanted to help.

And once he’d saved Harry, he was back to facing the entity that has been torturing him, and that entity proceeded to show off Ron’s deepest, most shameful secrets… to his best mate.

Ron’s entire self-esteem is tied to the way his loved ones perceive him:

“You did brilliantly, Ron!” This time it really was Hermione running toward them from the stands; Harry saw Lavender walking off the pitch, arm in arm with Parvati, a rather grumpy expression on her face. Ron looked extremely pleased with himself and even taller than usual as he grinned at the team and at Hermione.

The image the Mirror of Erised showed Ron was one of glory and fame… or was it?

"No -- I'm alone -- but I'm different -- I look older -- and I'm head boy!" "What?" "I am -- I'm wearing the badge like Bill used to -- and I'm holding the house cup and the Quidditch cup -- I'm Quidditch captain, too."

Being Head Boy and Quidditch captain. He could have seen himself being crowned World’s Best Emperor if he wanted, with legions of fans throwing himself at him, but that doesn’t happen.

Instead he sees himself being like Bill. Like his cool older brother. And Quidditch captain, like his other cool older brother Charlie.

What Ron wants… is to make his loved ones proud.

Ron defines himself by the way his loved ones look at him.

When Malfoy calls him an idiot he scoffs because it’s Malfoy. When Hermione calls him an idiot, though…? Ouch.

And now all of Ron’s secrets, all his feelings of inadequacy and inferiority that he has tried to keep quiet throughout the series out of respect for Harry, his deepest fears… They’re all there for Harry to see, for Harry to judge, for Harry to feel disgusted by. Because how dare Ron Weasley have problems, how dare Ron Weasley be envious of Harry Potter, whose life is nothing but suffering?

Ron’s greatest act of bravery, to me, was coming back, even though for all he knew Harry and Hermione had hooked up while he was gone (they’d never, of course, but how could he know?), even though he knew it would mean being up for Round #2 of his private torture sessions with Voldemort, even though he believed he wouldn’t be welcome…

He still came back. Because it was the right thing to do.

Anyone who’s gonna tell me that Ronald Weasley isn’t loyal to the core can suck on a cactus.

[djemsostylist]

It's been a few days and I've read a lot of takes and had a lot of long talks with @lolo-deli and I'm firm on where I stood Thursday. People who are pro this new season have been busy with PR, and I've seen the same points over an over. 1. We don't know why they broke up, we don't know what they both did, 2. we can't blame Eda, 3. we will get to see them fall in love again, 4. we will see Serkan with a second pregnancy, and perhaps the key, 5. we needed a reset. Oh, and 6. their daughter will bring them back together. Last season was a mess and we needed a blank slate. I'd like to address these points, if for no other reason than it will make me feel better.

You are correct. We don't know why they broke up. The most popular theory seems to be "Serkan pushed her away", which I think is both because it can make Eda "not the bad guy" and also because he has done it before. I'm not going to belabor the point, but we have spent the rest of the series since then showing a Serkan who learned from that mistake has been willing to anything to be with her. I know amnesia Serkan was a mess--but he also had fucking amnesia. And once he was back, we got back our soft boy who wanted nothing more than to be with her. If they have him push her away, it's for plot reasons, not character ones. So maybe Eda reaches a breaking point. Okay, over what? Him not telling her about the tumor? That's her last straw? She endured everything else, but him delaying telling her about the tumor is the last straw? Does she leave him while he's dying? In treatment? Sees him through and leaves him after? I think no matter how you look at it, for them to break up after all they have been through makes no sense to me. Why would they? As I said in a previous post, what could worse than what they have already endured? In any case, either of them leaving the other, again, means I'm forced to wonder why we would ever want them BACK together. If something happens to break them up for 5 years, then obviously it's not meant to be. If they can't figure out a way to make it work after all they have been through, what would five years of bitterness and stewing do to make either of them ready for a relationship together? (And the teaser makes it pretty clear they *are* bitter.) Instead of seeing a counselor, trying to work through their communication and trust issues, if their choice is always "run and dump" and they've learned nothing in 39 episodes, then what is the point anymore? This is not a second chance romance. This is a toxic relationship I no have an investment in.

We can't blame Eda. Look, I get no one wants to hate Eda. I don't want to hate Eda. My girl has been through hell and back, and she's endured a lot for love of this man. I'd have supported her leaving in 15. I'd have supported her deciding not to trust him in 20. I'd have even supported her leaving towards the end of his amnesia, if she thinks there is no hope. But I'd argue the fact that she stayed, that she worked through her issues with him after 15 and chose to be with him means she knows what she's getting into. She knows who he is at his core, and if he was worth all the pain she went through in the 30s then yes, we very much CAN blame Eda. Even if Serkan broke up with her, pushed her away, I very much can and do blame her for keeping his child. I've seen people say there was a miscommunication, that she tried to tell him and he wouldn't listen, maybe he says he doesn't want kids. I'd argue that if he did, it was because he was dying, otherwise why a sudden 180 from Serkan-I-Want-To-Build-A-Library-For-Our-Children Bolat to "no kids?". Which she should find weird and also realize the cause. Again, it would be for plot reason only. Regardless of what happened between them, the second there is a child involved, to quote @lolo-deli you put on your big girl pants and learn to fucking communicate. Even they aren't together, doesn't mean they can't raise a child together. Unless he's a drug lord or a mafia boss or a serial killer, together or not, he deserved to know about his daughter. He deserved the chance to be in her life from the minute Eda knew. Period. I'm not going to cry for Eda's pain of raising her daughter alone in Italy when she literally could have just told him, and you know he would have moved the moon to make sure his daughter felt safe and loved. At least, the Serkan I know. And the Eda I know would not have let him push her away without letting him know about a baby. Not a girl who knows firsthand what it's like to grow up without a father. So I'm sorry, but if we were hating Serkan for being asshole when he had amnesia and we were hating Aydan for keeping secrets...then I'm hating Eda for keeping a child and a father apart. I'm tired of the "all men are trash and boss queen" all or nothing mentality. I really, truly am.

Look, at no point do I want to have to watch Serkan Bolat fall in love with Eda (again) or his daughter. I've already seen him and Eda do that before, I spent 39 fucking episodes on that. And having to watch Serkan fall in love with his daughter because he didn't get to know her from birth is about the most depressing, least romantic, and most heart wrenching thing I could possibly imagine. This isn't a baby, like so many people keep saying. It's a child. A whole entire formed person and Serkan doesn't know her. Because Eda kept a secret. I hate it.

And it doesn't matter if he gets to see the second pregnancy, bc he still missed the first, and every single thing will be a reminder of that. And I don't know how Serkan, who has always felt unworthy (and justified or not is what led to most of the problems in their early relationship) gets over the fact that Eda thought so little of him that she would rather have her daughter grow up without a father than attempt to get in contact with him and let him have a role in her life. I just don't. That's soul crushing. "Am I such a horrible person that you didn't even want her to know me?" As much as I don't want Eda to suffer anymore, I also don't want Serkan to either. Maybe that makes me an antifeminist. Sue me.

Look, last season was a fucking mess. No one is denying that. Part of it is on the writers, part of it is on the producer who kept hiring and firing writers, part of it is on the fact this show should have ended 20 episodes ago. And I hated the 30s, have no desire to watch them again. But the thing is, you can't ignore the episodes that have been written. As much as we want to. Things happened--and that includes character growth, promises made, words said. You can't just do a reset. And I'd argue that breaking up a couple that said they would do everything in their power to make each other happy, who got rings tattooed on their hands as a sign of never, ever being a part again, wouldn't just break up and not see each other for five years. At some point, it becomes toxic. Lack of communication, selfishness, immaturity, stubbornness--do we even want these people together if something was so awful they separated for 5 years and Eda kept a whole baby a secret? Five years is a long to be apart and not once thing about making amends until they are forced into it. What is the point of that reset?

I hate this. So, what, if Eda hadn't randomly brought their child to an awards ceremony and the girl hadn't happened to see Serkan, then they never would have attempted to get back together? It's not like they couldn't get in contact with each other. How is the fact that without their kid (which Serkan didn't even know existed) they would never have reconciled a cute plot?

Let's not argue that this isn't anything other than it is--a ploy to bring in new fans and/or try and get old fans back on the part of the producer. If someone can explain like I'm 5 how this plot is good, I'll listen. But to quote a tweet I saw, you can't use the words angst, pain, suffering, or heartache, because those are not good reasons. You also can't say "but last season" bc I know. I was there. Last season sucked. I get it. It's not a reason to not even attempt a happy ending.

For now, I'll leave it at this. If your kind of love story is two people who have learned nothing, who only know how to fight and hurt each other and break up and think nothing of using a child as a pawn, than I'm happy for you. This season sounds great. But you can't convince me this was necessary, you can't convince me this was "always the plan", you can't convince me this will be anything other than pain, heartbreak, and a way to try and milk SCK for all it's worth before they are forced to cancel or Hanker finally says "we're done."

[aethylas]

For anonymous: a series of answers/clarifications/amendments on The Goldenrod Revisions! (I've answered these all in one post just to make it easier). Thank you so much for the asks, this helped me a) clarify my thoughts b) solve some canon continuity issues so I really appreciate them!

THANK U for agreeing to answer my questions! I'll have to ask them separately so they're not in 1 super-long impossible-to-read ask. I have 3 about 15x19, 1 about 15x20, 2 about 15x21, 2 about 15x22, and 2 about 15x23. quick disclaimer: i don't mean any offense at all by my question count! I didn't even notice these oddities the first time I read this; once I read it and accepted it as the true canon, I took a closer look and then noticed. but plz don't think these made your fic any less great!!

No worries anon! It is literally my pleasure to answer them and I am VERY very happy to find discrepancies with canon in the fic - then I can hopefully fix them and make the fic better :) Also I really appreciate the very systematic way you laid all these out, it really helped me reply, and also subsequently make a couple of edits to the fic!

For 15x19:

1. Why did Chuck trust Michael with the task of killing Jack? As God he should know Michael betrayed him in 15.08; did he expect Michael to disobey him again?

I think in this case we're/Chuck is relying on knowledge from the canon 15.19, i.e. Chuck would assume the outcome predicted by the show - that Michael WOULD betray the Winchesters/the world in order to please his father. So God assumed Michael would act the way he did in Inherit The Earth. But additionally, Chuck isn't actually very keyed-in to his own characters' motivations (esp. when love is involved) or very attached to certain results - he basically sends Michael and Lucifer to kill Jack because he figures it will entertain him no matter what happens - whether Michael and Lucifer kill each other, whether they kill the Winchesters/Jack, etc. - either Jack dies this way or Chuck will think of another way to do it.

2. How was Sam able to kill Lucifer? It was said only an archangel could kill another archangel with the archangel blade; was this a total lie or could Sam do it since he's Lucifer's true vessel? (plz don't change it to have Michael kill him; Sam being the one to do it was perfect, I just wanna understand how he could do it).

So glad you raised this because I honestly totally forgot! But now that you have, I have corrected that lore continuity with a line about biblical metaphors.

3. How is Rowena alive? She said she was dead in 15.08, so I initially assumed as a witch and the Queen of Hell she found a way to travel between Hell and Earth despite being dead. But then Sam says "Michael could've killed you" and then Chuck kills her twice in 15.21, both of which indicate she's alive here - does this mean Michael resurrected her when she summoned him?

God okay this is like - please call me out if this is incorrect or still confusing - but it's kind of like, based on the very inconsistent and confusing lore of the SPN afterlife that I assume Rowena is 'dead' but also 'alive' in the sense that Crowley was 'alive' and is now 'dead'. Does that make sense? She's not 'alive' as a human but rather as a demon (or something like it). So as Queen of Hell and a presumably demonic-adjacent entity, when she's 'killed' she gets sent to the Empty now vs. being 'killed' as a human and going to Heaven/Hell. (Based on when we see her in Hell, I assume she possesses her own body? Unclear. Just go with it. They've never been great with what it means to show vessels in Heaven/Hell etc.)

4. I thought asked all I wanted to know about Goldenrod but I just thought of 1 more thing: I don’t get why some dialogue implies Michael was dead? He mentions how he “found himself back on Earth” and tells the Empty it couldn’t stop Chuck from resurrecting him & Lucifer, but prior to 15.19 we last saw Michael leaving the bunker with Adam alive and well in 15.08, and it seemed like he was gonna stay on Earth for Adam’s sake. So what happened to him?

Oh that's a great point! I think that is actually just a confusing choice on my part that Chuck killed absolutely everyone including Michael/Adam in 15.18 Despair and THEN chose to resurrect Michael (but not Adam) alongside Lucifer when he was bored/wanting to kill Jack. I made some slight adjustments in-text to hopefully make it less confusing because I know that's different to the lore of canon 15.19 Inherit the Earth.

For 15x20:

1. How did the angels and demons in the Empty wake up? Did Michael use the last of his grace to wake everyone up? Were they already awake thanks to Jack blowing up in 15x18 or did they somehow sleep through that? (Not expanding on the Empty's claim that "you made it loud" is one of countless things I'll never forgive the actual show for, so THANK YOU for taking the show back to the Empty in the first place; I was just curious about this one element.)

So the Empty was already 'loud' according to canon, but since canon is vague on what exactly that means (thank you writers!...) I got the impression it meant the Empty wasn't 'peaceful' anymore but still powerful enough to suppress the beings inside, like the beings in there were awake and suffering but unable to rebel. Sort of what we see with Cas in this version of 15.20. Maybe like, additional suffering in sleep paralysis? Regardless, Michael does expend his grace to weaken the Empty enough that other beings wake up and/or are able to fight back and exist outside their own personal nightmare chamber. So whatever your impression of 'loud' is with regards to the other beings in there, assume Michael was able to free them from the Empty's control.

For 15x21:

1. Having Jack & Amara take out Hell & Purgatory was a BRILLIANT idea; I love that they ended all the places of suffering and changed the system. I just wonder - what happened to the souls and the demons still in Hell at that point, and the Leviathans and other monsters still in Purgatory? Were they just wiped out completely and sent to the Empty? Or did Jack turn them human and add them to the cycle? (I don't think the show clarified whether or not Leviathans have souls, so...)

No matter whether they were monster or demon or even angel, they would eventually be given human life. I broke it down to 'human enough souls' vs. 'not human enough souls'. Human-enough were immediately brought to life with memories and versions of their original bodies, and not-human-enough were sent to the Soul Queue to be born as infants. I assume Leviathan and most demons fall into 'not human enough', therefore, whatever tiny microbe of personality/soul they had was added to the cycle of rebirth and would be translated to a new human soul. Of course this might have a WILDLY different impact on the world depending on how many people go to hell in this system, how many people were 'human enough', etc.... But we're basically fudging those numbers a bit one way or another just to give certain characters the revival they deserve haha.

2. Did Cas drown and die after Chuck threw him in the lake and Jack left their limbo-dream world? If so, did he go through the same question-&-answer situation with Death that Sam & Dean did? Or was he with Jack & Amara when they rebuilt the world?

Cas was already dead/dying even when he was talking to Jack, he was sort of in a different version of the 'Veil' per se. VERY wishy-washy, but basically he and Jack were on a different dream-plane that they were jolted to in the chaos of the disorganised no-Death world.

I think Cas, Rowena, Lucifer, Michael, etc. as beings who were killed after the snap is a bit ambiguous. Rowena and Lucifer, I think, as entities who were demonic-dead or Empty-level-dead pre-Snap probably went through the reincarnation Yes/No Death questionnaire. Cas and Michael might not have since they were technically 'alive' and human before the Snap. Regardless, I think they probably wouldn't remember the interaction even if they had it.

The reason the question happened to the Winchesters AND that they remember it is Main Character Syndrome... they were the only people left alive when Jack and Amara did a hard reset, and that honestly Death took time to chill/exposition at them because he likes them. Really. Despite all appearances. Or respects them enough to let them know what's gone down, anyway.

Metatextually, it was really just to reaffirm to the audience that Dean (and Sam) want to live, in contrast to 15.20 Carry On 😅

3. Did all the snapped people (Eileen, Adam, the Waywards, etc.) also go through the Death question-&-answer process but not remember it, or did Jack & Amara just send them back?

Snapped people were reset automatically! Normally the new-humans also wouldn't remember their interactions with Death/reapers, just like in canon lore when someone like Dean has a near-death experience.

I realise this whole section and various other lore reformation parts of the fic aren't SUPER clear on specific logistics but on some occasions I'm like, I've done enough info-dumping, I don't want to overwrite exposition. But if you think it's worth clarifying certain points let me know and I can try to do so!

For 15x22:

1. The twenty something blonde guy in sunglasses getting hot tea, is that Belphegor? sure sounds like it but I wanted to confirm.

Yep!

2. Since Death mentioned that Jack only resurrected the angels, demons, and monsters from the Empty who had enough of a soul, and since all the human souls from the Veil went to Heaven as confirmed by Kevin's presence, how exactly are Anna's human parents and Bela alive now?

Great question - 1) I SOMEHOW FORGOT ANNA'S PARENTS DIED? Complete screw up on my part, I don't know how that happened. I fixed this so it's her grandparents now. 2) Bela was sent to Hell as part of her deal, so I was assuming she was a demon by this point in canon (since it would be... MANY Hell-years since she died.) Therefore she had a 'human' enough demon soul to be put back as a human.

3. Oh, and the tall woman with the flyer in 15.22; who is this supposed to be? Hannah I’m guessing?

To be honest I didn't have anyone in particular in mind for that scene; it was kind of a catch-all for missing characters like, it COULD be Hannah. It could be Raphael. Hell, it could be Abbadon. I didn't want to do a full shot of every single person missing from the cast who had died (esp since like - we wouldn't know who they were anyway! Their bodies would be different). So this one is literally just fill-in-the-blank. But if I had to assign a character there I'd say it would probably be one of the more arrogant angels like Raphael or Uriel.

For 15x23:

1. How is Bobby in the Roadhouse with the gang? 10x17 seemed to imply the angels were about to throw him in the dungeons to punish him for helping Cas; did Ash hack him out of prison, or was he never imprisoned at all? Also, is Jack not surprised to see another Bobby in Heaven because the boys already told him there was another Bobby besides the one he knows from Apocalypseverse? (I was half-expecting him to comment about that and confuse Bobby).

Oh that's a great point! I think that's another sort of fill in the blank since it's been five years since 10.17... even if he was in prison of some kind, I think it's likely either Ash helped him get out in the same way he helped everyone else, and since the angels were extremely short-staffed I doubt getting Bobby suitably imprisoned/punished was their top priority. But honestly I'm not super clear on how the angels intended to punish Bobby, I don't think canon is clear either... like, We Just Don't Know.

Finally I'd like to know, has Sam proposed to Eileen yet by the end of the final episode? The script doesn't mention a ring on her finger, and as Sam's fiancee, I'd assume she'd also have carved her name on the table. Sam mentions the innuendos Dean has said "in the past year," so it's been a while since Jack's prayer scene, yet Cas says Dean & Claire's argument was the last time they spoke, and it doesn't seem likely to me that Dean wouldn't call Claire in a year given how close they are...

Nope! I think Sam is saying 'I'm going to marry her' as a declaration of certainty of his feelings and faith in the future, not neccessarily as something that immediately happens. With regards to 'in the past year', that referred to the period when Eileen was alive during s15 as well! I assume Dean did teasing off-screen (and I mean, he did plenty on-screen too.)

I honestly think that Sam and Dean are just very very busy in the aftermath of the events of the 15.20 reset, like they have to deal with the new world AND try to wrangle all these hunters into this new system of collaboration. I didn't put Eileen on the table because she isn't there in the finale and because I do think the Sam/Dean/Cas/Jack family unit was a bit more central and important to the show, but maybe they add her (and any possible kids, if they have any) later on. God, imagine generations of hunters and/or Winchesters carving on that table. Sacred Artefact...

(1) Ok that's all the questions I have. Again, so sorry to blow up your inbox - I really appreciate your willingness to clarify these things! If there are some things you'd rather not explain and leave ambiguous, I totally get that. And in spite of these aforementioned confusing parts, I still ADORE your fic and will continue to read it whenever I feel like re-"watching" how Supernatural really ended! Thank you so much!! .... (2) I’m SO sorry to overload u! I know I asked a lot and I didn’t mean to sound like a hater saying “none of ur story makes sense”; that’s not what I meant at all! If this was a regular good ol fix it fic I wouldn’t have said anything but since u said u wanted it to wrap up the show as replacement canon, I thought maybe I should point out places that didn’t line up. But take as MUCH time as you need! Good for you working to meet your deadlines; I hope you succeeded!! And again I really appreciate you taking the time to answer whenever you have time—absolutely no rush!! Have a GREAT Memorial Day Weekend!!!

Anon thank you SO SO much for all these questions, as you can see it really helped me identify problems or straight up errors in my work wrt continuity and I'm so happy that means I can improve it. If any of the answers weren't clear or you think I should modify the fic to make certain things clearer than they are right now (other than the things I said I'd fix in-text for sure) let me know! It's really been a pleasure answering them too, I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to it, I actually went back and proofed/edited the whole fic as part of adding some of these corrections in (and that took like... three weeks...) and as you said, it's very important to me to get it as true to canon as possible so - yeah, just, once again, thank you!! You're wonderful! ♥♥♥

[monstrousroommates]

Raspberry Morbs

On AO3

Getting back into the swing of things with a new chapter!

----------------------

Roman didn’t have as much time to spend with Remy and his boys once he’d gotten a job at the theatre. He had his own parties to attend, which he did invite Remy to join in with, and Remy would from time to time.  Roman left the name ‘Cairnhill’ behind when he went into the theatre, going for the less upper class and cheerfully alliterative ‘Roman Richards’.  Remy wasn’t surprised at all when Roman’s talent was more than enough to get him on stage with the barest whisper of persuasion. He had talent and dedication, and he was a pretty thing as well, if a bit more brown than most people liked. Stage makeup did wonders for that, apparently, and if Roman’s memory was spotty about what he had been like or what he did before he’d awakened, he didn’t forget things now, learning songs, scripts and blocking with ease and flair.

He continued to live with Remy, as he promised, and they’d meet in the late nights when Roman came home from the theatre, and Remy came back from his outings.  From time to time, Roman Cairnhill would make a reappearance,  of course, when he wasn’t busy being someone else, and once because he absolutely had to be there for his cousin’s wedding. Then the weddings of some of the boys, as they settled into more sedate lives. Roman even managed to bring himself to Reggie’s wedding, impeccably turned out to watch the man get married to a flushed pink woman of no real beauty but lovely wheat-blond hair. Roman joked, quietly to Remy that she looked like she had good teeth at least. Remy thought that her father’s position as senior partner in Reggie’s law firm had more to do with it.

Another thing that his new career slowed was Roman’s working through Algernon’s journals. It was over two years later when he finally found an answer as to how his portrait had been damaged.

There had been an argument between Algernon and his dearest friend Laurence- dearest friend being a not particularly effective cover for his live in lover, though Algernon never referred to him as anything else. Laurence had, after a long sickness become hysterical, demanding to know why Algernon loved his artifacts more than he loved him. Algernon had attempted to soothe him, but to no avail, Laurence was certain that his place in Algernon’s affections was being usurped- especially by the eyes of the mummy that sat in his office. Apparently, the mummy had a place of honor, stood carefully in a supportive box like a grandfather clock, watching over Algernon’s study where he did most of his work. Algernon had referred to the mummy as ‘his ancient angel’ fondly in the journals. So in a fit of jealous pique, Laurence had viciously scratched the eyes of the portrait, scoring into the wood panel it was painted on, using a letter opener. He had immediately collapsed back into his fever, having risen from his sick bed to do it.

Roman would have almost found it funny if it hadn’t involved him. After reading the journal entry, and the ones after it as Algernon desperately tried to nurse his friend back to health,  Roman suffered from nightmares that were almost night terrors.  Of being held down while his eyes were plucked out. Of being held immobile while people negotiated his worth. Of screams of an argument where he couldn’t defend himself. And of being a child, held by a female figure who he knew in the dream was his mother, as she railed hysterically and threatened him with a knife, as his dream father tried to placate her.  Nothing he could do would chase these dreams away- even drinking himself into a stupor- the best he could do was send his soul flying away, to explore the world rather than staying in his body to dream.

“In June, seized by a fit of fever, Laurie rose from his bed whilst I was elsewhere. I came home to find him in the study, screaming at my magnificent specimen of mummification as though it could hear and understand him. When I came in, full of concern for Laurie’s health, he rounded on me- venting his fever worries. An educated man such as himself, babbling about a mummy’s curse, tearing our friendship apart. That I was bewitched somehow. Nothing I said seemed to reach him. In fact it only seemed to agitate poor Laurie more. 

With a mighty screech he upset the specimen, sending it tumbling down to the ground. Nightshirt askew, he leapt on top of it like a squabbling farm-maid, taking the letter opener in his hand and gouging at the portrait. I managed to physically subdue him, as the action seemed to have broken the bizarre state he was in, and he sobbed terribly as I brought him back to bed, and took care of him. 

Once Laurie was safely asleep once more, pressed there under the weight of a quarter grain of morphine, I finally returned to my study, and my poor specimen. The mummy itself seemed to have taken no harm from the rough handling, but the portrait that adorned it- ah! It makes me quite sad to look upon it, remembering the glory it once was. I have decided to remove the portrait and store it elsewhere. Poor Laurie, I wonder what sort of nightmare set this off?”

Remy looked up from the journal entry he’d just read outloud, over to where Roman sat, wine glass clutched in both hands between his knees. 

“That’s a lot, pidge.” 

Roman nodded. 

“I just felt- I needed to share it with something.” he gave a weak laugh. “Imagine! My beauty is just so great that someone felt the need to defend their lover from it when I was a thousand years dead! What an honor.”  He shook his head, and Remy put the journal down, moving to put his arm around his friend. “It wasn’t even anything personal, just a fever dream.” He tossed back the last of the wine and put the cup down, so he could cover his eyes. “It’s been haunting me since I read it.” 

“I can understand that.” Remy nodded.  Roman straightened up and stared across the parlor, clearly not seeing anything. 

“I think that I’m going to leave the box and the portrait with Dr. Lloyd.” Roman said after a moment. “I just… I can’t stand to look at it right now. And it’s hardly doing me any good. He’ll at least enjoy it more, and he had hopes for restoration projects. Though last I heard he was trying to learn the technique they used in the first place.” Roman shook his head, and leaned against Remy’s shoulder.  “So how have you been? We haven’t had many evenings together of late. We’re approaching the end of a run and the director and owner have had their heads together about what to do next. I might even get a few nights off.”

Remy gave a soft chuckle.  

“I wanted to talk to you about something, Roman.”

“Gadzooks! My name! Are you feeling quite the top, Remy?”  

“Little tired and sad- you know I love a flit and flirt with the boys. Thing is most of them are shackled and respectable these days. A few confirmed bachelors, but I’ve had to venture more into the libertine areas of the city, which wouldn’t do my reputation much good if I was caught, not at my ‘age’.”

“What is that again, young man?”

“Oh hush.” Remy snorted. Roman might not look or act it, but it was pleasant knowing that he wasn’t automatically the oldest person in the room. Picking up his own glass, he tossed most of it back.  “I have to reset soon, I think. I don’t really want to go back to France.”

“Oh, like your friend.” Roman said with understanding, and snagged the bottle, refiling both their drinks. 

“Yes. Johan is about ready to come back as well, which would mean I’d have to give him back his house anyway.” 

“Has it been that long already?” 

“Well we’d been gadding about for a good handful before we met, Pidge. A properly constructed reset only takes a decade or two at most.” 

“I wonder if I shall have to learn to do that.” Roman mused stroking his thumb along the clean-shaven line of his jaw. 

“Huh.” Remy huffed thoughtfully, and leaned over, dropping his head against Roman’s, where it was still leaned against him. “Well if you do I’ll give a hand. You don’t have the network for it.” 

“I doubt I fit in with the Red Pages.” 

“You’re unique, that’s for sure.”

“I suppose I am.” Roman said softly. They stayed like that for a long time, sitting together in uncharacteristic silence.

[nevtelenwriting]

It’s a Date: Hotch/Foyet

Lots going on personally, I’ve not been in the best headspace, so I wanted to finish up this writing exercise to get my creativity going again with. There’s maybe a follow-up in the works 👀

Hotch/Foyet, threatening flirting and a deal Hotch can’t say no to. 

Rating: T (M? IDK only thing mature is talking of murder and horny language)

It didn’t surprise him when, a week after his escape from prison, Hotch received a phone call. It was to his government cell, which made sense; he gave the number to George in case he needed to talk.

Looked like he needed to talk.

“Agent Hotchner.” Hotch answered automatically, used to unfamiliar numbers all the time.

The familiar sigh had the hairs rising on the back of his neck, though this time, Foyet didn’t bother affecting a voice. It still made his skin prickle, knowing the face to the name. "I want to make a deal."

It was a mimicry of that call in Boston, and Hotch had to grit his teeth to reply. "We've been over this, monsters like you don't get deals."

"You may want to listen to this one."

To match their pattern, Hotch hung up.

The next day, a letter with a Reaper's eye appeared in his mailbox, with pictures of three people Hotch didn’t know captured intimately close to their doorstep, their car, their bus stop. None looked any wiser to the man stalking them. Naturally he took the pictures to Garcia, and to local police, but they all came up dry.

Hotch waited for the phone call.

"What's the deal."

Foyet paused for a moment, probably surprised Hotch didn’t offer a greeting. He answered with, "Why the change in heart?"

"Don't bullshit, what's the deal."

"What if I told you it was Shaughnessy's?"

"I'd call you an idiot for trying it again.” Hotch didn’t bother mincing words. “I already alerted authorities to your targets."

Foyet’s laugh crackled the phone line. "Tell me if you find them. Look, there's no need to be so dramatic. I don't intend to do them any harm."

"Forgive me if I don't believe you."

"Then let's get back to that deal."

Hotch waited rather than answer. Foyet sighed.

"Man of so few words. The deal is, I don't touch a single hair on some inconsequential person's head. Not so long as you do something for me."

"I’m not going to stop hunting you.” Hotch said immediately, ready to end the call again if Foyet continued with this pointless game.

"That's not on the table anyway.” Foyet replied with apparent disinterest. “Actually I'm enjoying our game of cat and mouse. I'm sure you're asking now, who's the cat and who's the mouse?"

Hotch didn’t indulge, done with his strange game as he snapped, "What the hell do you want?"

"Temper temper agent. I just want some quality time with you."

"Quality time."

"What can I say, a man gets lonely, and you look spectacular in those dress pants, do you do squats?"

It took every ounce of Hotch’s will not to hang up again. He didn’t reply either.

"God that stick is wedged up far, how do you sit?"

Apparently Foyet had no intentions of actually offering a deal. This was an easy, effortless tactic to assert dominance and control, Hotch should have known better.

Hotch sighed through his nose, "If you're just here to yank my chain, then this phone call is over."

"What makes you think I'm yanking your chain?"

"Nothing in your profile says that you're gay."

"That's awfully narrow-minded of you, what's Jack gonna think if one day he has to come to you and tell you his girlfriend's actually a boy-"

"You're not gay Foyet."

"I'm genuinely hurt."

Hotch said nothing.

"Alright, you're right, I'm not. But you really think I'm only straight?"

Hotch chewed his tongue, hating that he knew that while Foyet was a sexual sadist, and usually showed preferences to women, it wasn’t always. "No."

"See? Was that so hard? You're a handsome man, Aaron, of course I think you're hot, you should work on that self-esteem."

Foyet really needed to stop fucking around, he didn’t have the time. Hotch was losing what little patience he’d mustered as he said, "What the hell are you getting at with this?"

"Have you traced my call yet?" Foyet asked conversationally, still in no mood to oblige.

Hotch was sure Foyet called him purposefully during work hours, not that it mattered. His cellphone had been tapped since the first call. Unfortunately that didn’t matter either; they had been on the call for over ten minutes but Garcia, prattling into his earpiece, kept expressing her frustrations over pinging cellphone lines in Brazil, Bolivia, several other countries south but none near DC. Foyet was a computer technologist, it isn't a surprise. The fact Garcia was listening to this while she worked—the groans and muttered statements of “gross” filling his earpiece beyond her non-cursing—was knowledge Hotch decided to willfully ignore.

"Get to a damn point."

Foyet sighed again, and Hotch could almost see the head shake. "We need to work on your foreplay."

Hotch was convinced now. He had a stroke, that or contracted malaria; either way he had started hallucinating the world's worst nightmare in his death throes.

"You won't kill anyone... If I let you. Stare at my ass?"

"Oh, Hotchner. More than stare."

Hotch was glad he was on the phone, because even that made his eyes widen. "You're not serious."

"I'm dead serious."

"You want me to prostitute myself to you."

"That's loaded sentence. Especially since I'm not paying you. Think of it as more, vigorous arch enemy fucking that makes me forget how much I wanna hurt you."

"The answer is no."

"Then someone dies. Maybe it's one of those three, maybe someone else. Shit, maybe your wife. I can find her, you know that."

Rather than feel horror at that, or try to convince Foyet not to and waste his breath, Hotch muttered, "Maybe you like men, but I don't."

Foyet scoffed into the phone. "Don't lie to me. I remember how you were. You flirted with me back then."

Hotch felt sick. He felt sicker still knowing that Foyet was right. In another world, another place, when Foyet had just been George, he wouldn't have turned him down.

Foyet’s voice dropped low then. "I know you've thought about it, Aaron. How I might taste. What I'd look like on my knees. I know I have. You sound so good, I bet you're divine when you moan. Remember when I came home from the hospital? God, if you weren't so good and faithful to your wife, we would have done wicked things that night.”

Hotch did remember. Foyet—George—had been unsteady on his feet, fell into Hotch and he had stared at him for too long. The heat emanating from his body where they pressed, lithe muscle under his palms coupled with the cool brush of George's breath on his cheek, the hand on Hotch's jaw had been nearly enough to make him break his vows.

"Come on, what's the harm? You get to keep hunting me, you're guaranteed that as long as we keep this up, I won't go after anyone. No strings attached, just a good clean fuck."

Hotch chewed his cheek, curbing down the heat coiling in his cut at the sound of his low voice purring that into his ear. He couldn’t bring himself to answer, knowing the words would come out strangled.

"I'll give you a day to think about it. And so that you can answer with a few less prying ears."

Foyet hangs up. Hotch's head is on the desk by the time Garcia clears her throat and meekly says she wasn't able to trace the call.

It took a week before Foyet called back. He did so on his personal cell this time, which Hotch had asked not to be traced. When the familiar number popped up, Hotch answered with, "I suppose it's too much to ask that this is a one-time deal."

"…Hello to you too."

Hotch sighed, and Foyet hummed.

"Alright, to business. Think of this as more of a resetting of a countdown clock. The closer I get to zero the closer I get to that itch that just can't be scratched, and this strange desire to fuck you will be overridden by the need to well, kill. But if you keep me satisfied, you will reset that clock. Won't reach zero as long as we keep our deal."

It made sense. It was mostly clean, though Hotch had no reason to believe Foyet would keep his end of the deal beyond knowing Foyet genuinely enjoying a man’s suffering had been enough in the past. This wasn’t like Shaughnessy though, god knows this wasn’t like Shaughnessy. Was his unwillingness and distaste for this truly enough? Knowing he had gotten Hotch to agree? There were other options, ones less out of left field and ones more likely to get a yes from him. Why this, why…

Hotch didn’t know why he asked it, other than trying to find something grounding in what felt only like a cruel dream not yet tumbling towards nightmare.

"Why me?"

Foyet was quiet for a long time, and then, "Why not you?"

Hotch sighed, "No."

"No?" Foyet reiterated, an edge to it that sounded like threat. Hotch didn’t care.

"You heard me. No, I get one real answer from you, then—"

Hotch caught himself too late. Hotch could hear the smile. "Then what?"

There was so many other things Hotch might have said yes to. There were so many reasons why Hotch should say no. There was no way in hell Hotch could tell him yes.

His voice almost faltered on his reply. Hotch barely heard himself when he said it. "Then I'll take the deal."

Foyet chuckled, low against his ear, close enough to shudder through his chest and prickle his skin. "Of all the things to ask me. Are you sure you want it to be 'why you'?"

Hotch could ask a thousand questions. Why he chose to kill, why he played these games. The thing was, Hotch already knew. He knew Foyet lashed out because hurting others was a release after he had been so violently abused. Hotch knew he got off on power and control because he had his own stripped away. Hotch knew his sadism grew when he was a child left to his own devices, cruelty made into a language of love that twisted and warped him into this man they hunted today. Hotch knew all of that. He didn't understand why this.

There were so many games he could play with Hotch, plenty that would invoke the same level of suffering. Foyet could have ambushed and tortured him, even raped him if his end goal was purely carnal. He didn't. If Foyet intended on killing him after their sex—he doubted it, it shortened his suffering—he'd end the long game by getting arrested. If the unwillingness was the goal, then why taunt Hotch with the memory he had been attracted to him? There was a mind game to this Hotch couldn't piece together, some level of interest and infatuation with Hotch himself he didn't understand.

“Yes. Why me. Why bother with this?”

Foyet sighed audibly, almost a groan. "Really, agent? Because you get me hard. You make me feel like a little schoolboy that can't keep himself from pulling your pigtails. Because it’s a little difficult getting your dick wet on the run. So please oh please won't you go to the dance with me?"

As much as Foyet attempted to make the reply as repulsive as possible, Hotch's brows shot up to his hairline. Infatuation he anticipated, but the deflection spoke more of...of an obsession with Hotch himself. Hotch wondered in that moment, just how much control Foyet had over this desire himself. Hotch cleared his throat.

"If you bring a knife into the bedroom I will shoot you."

"Kinky. It's a date."

“So when should I expect you?” Hotch asked, and then added dryly, “Should I bring a corsage?”

Foyet barked out his laugh, “I’ll call you, how’s that? And just so we’re clear. You know what happens if you try to use this to catch me.”

With that Foyet hung up, with no time, place, or expectation of when this would begin.

Fuck. Fuck. What had Hotch gotten himself into?