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#bens phone is absolutely malfunctioning
raven0usravi0lii · 4 months
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happy mothers day
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borisbubbles · 2 years
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Eurovision (#37)
37. SWITZERLAND Marius Bear - “Boys do cry” 17th place
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Decade Rank: 74/79 [Above Nadir, below Vincent]
Don’t worry about all the SadBoi’s getting killed off, there’s more where that came from. 🙄 This year had TOO MANY of these tedious fucking bores!!
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It’s hard justifying which of these motherfucking Salvaduncans is the least offensive to me and why. I suppose Marius annoys me less than Nadir because at least he tried to emulate Salvador as opposed to blantantly trying to be the next Gjon? A different, less-bland flavour of evil, but it’s evil nevertheless! 
Marius earned my ire the moment I read the gag-worthy title of his song though. God is there anything more tedious than a white-privileged incel painstakingly mansplaining how he, too has emotions, and that crying isn’t just for women!! You may be led to believe this emotional angle would at least set up some sort of a pro-mental health message, but nope, “Boys do cry” is instead about ~Marius Feeling Sadge~ because he was rejected once during childhood by a girl he liked. Aww, another sad little diddums with a break-my-heart ballad.... gag me with a fucking spoon. 
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Even if we ignored the flawed narrative of us needing to feel sympathy for Marius’s inability to get laid (and I absolutely won’t. Marius is *literally* a musician! He could look like a troglodyte and he’d STILL get female attention!! The only group that has an easier time finding sex are the track & field athletes at the Olympics!!!),.. can we just say that the words he sings are some next-level insipid? 
I’m not quite sure WHO is responsible for the worst libretto in this Barkerless year, but The Bear Man’s lyric-heavy ballad is a contender for certain. Like, what is THIS obtuse tripe?
In my room Lives a boy who could be blue And you might never know, oh, oh You think he's cavalier He would shed more than a crocodile tear If you go, oh-oh-oh-oh
What does that even mean?!?! 
There’s profound and meaningful, and then there’s using difficult words and meandering metaphors to appear profound and meaningful without actually being profound and meaningful. Take it from this amateur blogger, because I do go there all the time, Marius is in the latter group. The line “Sometimes aeroplanes fall down from the sky” stands out as the worst because it makes zero sense even as a metaphor. Aircraft don’t just fall down from the sky, Marius! They crash after being shot down or after experiencing a technical malfunction! So unless your girl shot you down over a “technical malfunction” during foreplay, I really don’t want to hear any more metaphors about your sex life!!!
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Then, there’s the staging. Surprise, that made made me hate "Boys do cry” even more. No, not because it was a stilted mess (though “Marius Does Jazz Improv For Three Minutes On A VERY Dark Stage While Looking High AF” is definitely a sin in itself. Did SJB phone in the instructions from a holiday resort in Palm Springs after two absynths and a shot of heroin?) but because the staging actively weaponized Marius’s banale sobstory into jury qualifier material. HOW DARE YOU NOT FALL ON YOUR SWORD FOR THE B-BUBBLES FAVES, MR. BEAR!! HOW DARE YOU INDEED!!!! It’s a wonder he robbed NOBODY on his way to the Final (mostly because Ronela mainly robbed herself of a spot in the Final. lol 😕) 
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Surprisingly, the audience completely didn’t care for Marius’s “Aww shucks I’m so sad and pathetic” angle for currying sympathy and instead voted in droves for the country going through an *actual* armed conflict. Who could have foreseen that? 
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Getting ZERO’D by the audience reportedly made Marius feel very sad, to which I say: write a song about, Bear Man! The narrative for that is WAY more worthy of sympathy than the one you actually used for your Eurovision entry. 🙄
THE RANKING
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37. SWITZERLAND - Marius Bear - “Boys do cry” 38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black” 39. ITALY: Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi” 40. ISRAEL: Michael Ben David - “I.M”
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lbigreyhound13 · 3 years
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No More Secrets
By @lbigreyhound13 for @peer-parker
Rating: K+
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Happy Hogan
Characters: Peter, Tony, Happy
Summary: He was just about to leave when…he heard a car approaching the wreckage…followed by many cars. It was definitely the cops and Tony’s clean-up crew coming to investigate, and then…he quickly realized that he was out in the open without his mask and an enemy who quickly figured out who he was. He needed to get out of there. He tested his old web-shooters to see if there was anything left…but he was all out. He mentally kicked himself for not having enough to get out of there, and he couldn’t let anyone see him…let anyone figure out that Spider-Man was Peter Parker. There was no telling what would happen, especially if Tony found out. That made me more nervous at the idea of his beloved mentor finding out that he was Spider-Man.
OR
After Peter manages to defeat the Vulture, he is about to leave, but can't when his web-shooters ran low on web fluid. What happens when Happy comes onto the scene...completely unaware that Peter, Tony's intern is actually Spider-Man?
AO3 LINK HERE
Prompt: AU where Peter is Tony's intern and doesn't know he is Spider-Man. Tony and Peter have a father-son bond as mentor and mentee, whereas Spider-Man and Iron Man fight side by side. Main plot point I'm looking for in the fic-- the (perhaps angsty) reveal of secret identity
Peter breathed heavily as he walked through the wreckage, and his ears were ringing. Pain coursed through his body as he limped and carried Adrien Toomes, the Vulture, away from the wreckage…after his wings exploded. The fire crackled around them from the wreckage of Tony’s plane, and the smoke burned his nostrils. The heat was close to unbearable, but that was the least of his concerns. All he could focus on was the fact that his Homecoming date’s father was the Vulture, a weapons smuggler and that he had just attempted to steal his mentor and…father-figure, Tony Stark’s plane that contained the Avengers’ advanced weapons to smuggle them to terrorists. Thankfully, he managed to stop the Vulture from doing just that and save his life from his malfunctioning suit, but…unfortunately, it resulted in Tony’s plane crashing on the beach of Coney Island.
As relieved as he was that he was able to save Liz’s dad from certain death, he felt horrible knowing that he destroyed his mentor’s plane, and there was no doubt that the weapons were damaged and maybe even destroyed as well. Tony was already angry with Spider-Man for not following direct orders to stay away from anything regarding the Vulture and endangering people’s lives on the Staten Island Ferry. It’s what led him to take away Spider-Man’s suit to begin with…leaving Peter with no choice but to use his original homemade suit to take down Toomes.
Peter mentally cringed as he thought back to that last conversation Tony had with Spider-Man…while having absolutely no clue that the webslinger was actually his intern, Peter Parker.
“This is where you zip it, alright? The adult is talking!”
“And I wanted you to be better. Okay, it’s not working out. I’m gonna need the suit back.”
“For how long?”
“Forever.”
The teen quickly shook the memory away from his mind as he placed Toomes on the sand once he was sure they were away from the fire, only to plop down on the sand right next to him on his back. They both coughed and hacked from the smoke inhalation and from the intense battle. Peter felt his body ache from the crash…and from the punches Toomes had no problem giving him after they crashed. However, he refused to let the pain get to him. There would be time to take care of his injuries later. Right now, he needed to make sure Toomes wouldn’t try to get away, so he slowly stood up and turned around so that he was facing the weapons smuggler seeing him look up at him clearly wondering what was going to happen next.
Peter would never do that though. He wouldn’t even consider it. He knew what it was like to lose a parent. He lost his parents when he was little, and then he lost his uncle Ben just last year…about a month or so before he got accepted as an Intern in Stark Industries. He could never handle Liz going through the same thing. Yes, her father would be going to jail, but he would be alive.
No words were spoken as he bent down to pick up Toomes and slung him over his shoulder again taking him away from the wreckage and bound him so that he couldn’t get away. Surely, a plane flying through the sky and taking a nosedive would be noticeable and prompt someone to call 911, which meant that the cops would be there at any moment. He used his web-shooters to bound Toomes to a piece of debris, and then after some searching, he managed to find a paper and pen to write a note.
“FOUND FLYING VULTURE GUY. SPIDER-MAN. P.S. SORRY ABOUT YOUR PLANE.”
He then taped the note next to Toomes still not saying a word to his enemy.
“I hope you realize what you just did, Pedro,” Toomes said after a moment.
“If you’re referring to how I just saved your life, yeah, I do,” Peter replied. “I don’t want Liz to have to go through what I went through.” He took a deep breath. “Goodbye, Mr. Toomes.”
He was just about to leave when…he heard a car approaching the wreckage…followed by many cars. It was definitely the cops and Tony’s clean-up crew coming to investigate, and then…he quickly realized that he was out in the open without his mask and an enemy who quickly figured out who he was. He needed to get out of there. He tested his old web-shooters to see if there was anything left…but he was all out. He mentally kicked himself for not having enough to get out of there, and he couldn’t let anyone see him…let anyone figure out that Spider-Man was Peter Parker. There was no telling what would happen, especially if Tony found out. That made me more nervous at the idea of his beloved mentor finding out that he was Spider-Man.
Without wasting any more time, Peter quickly put on his hood attempting to hide his face and ran away from Toomes as the flashlights drew closer. If he could just hide behind some debris or something and sneak away, that would be enough.
(line break)
This was the last thing Happy expected to happen on this night. All he was instructed to do was make sure the last of the cargo was packed onto his boss’s plane so that it could be transferred to upstate, where Rhodey would be waiting to unpack the plane with Vision. However, as soon as he saw the Stark Plane falling out of the sky toward Coney Island, he immediately knew that that was not going to happen. After a quick phone call to Tony, the billionaire immediately ordered him to go investigate what happened and to call the clean-up crew, so that Ross didn’t try to use this against the Avengers in case the Rogues or the Vulture was involved.
It wasn’t the Rogues involved, but it was the Vulture…the weapons smuggler that Spider-Man warned Tony about…the very same one Spider-Man had been trying to catch even though Tony instructed him not to. Now that Happy thought about it, he hadn’t seen or heard from the webslinger since the ferry incident…when Tony took the suit away from the guy. Happy just wouldn’t put past him to somehow surprise everyone and make a comeback by catching the Vulture, and as soon as he saw the Vulture without his helmet concealing his face…and the note. He didn’t even need to see who it was from. Spider-Man actually did it. He captured the Vulture…without the fancy suit Tony made for him.
No words were exchanged with Toomes as Happy looked around trying to find any sign of Spider-Man watching from above, but for some reason…he looked down…only to see footprints in the sand…
Happy wasted no time in following them hoping to find the webslinger knowing for sure Tony would want to thank him for saving the cargo. He followed the footprints…all the way to a piece of debris still a few feet away from the wreckage, and he saw Spider-Man in his old suit…facing away from him and crouching down on the sand.
“S-Spider-Man?” Happy asked taking a step toward him.
The hero jumped but didn’t turn around. “Oh…uhhh…hey, Happy,” he said clearly trying to lower his voice. Although he wasn’t sure why. Happy and Tony obviously didn’t know Spider-Man’s secret identity, but they suspected that he was on the young side. “Uhh…I-I got the Vulture guy…ummm…I-I’m sorry about the plane though. I didn’t mean for that to happen, so please don’t be upset. I didn’t mean to cause more trouble for Mr. Stark.”
“Hey, hey, relax, man,” Happy said chuckling. “It’s okay. I think the boss will be more upset with me than with you after what happened. He’s going to owe you big time.”
“Oh no, he-he doesn’t have to pay me or anything,” Spider-Man replied. “I…I just wanted to help, that’s all.”
Happy nodded, but then…something didn’t sit right with him. Tony didn’t mention anything about Spider-Man coming onto the scene…or that he called the webslinger to begin with. Not only that, but…Spider-Man was here before they were, which meant he must’ve had something to do with the plane crashing…especially if he was missing his mask.
“Uhhh…I should…I should get going…” Spider-Man said as he stood up making sure that no one could see his face. “It-It’s…getting late…”
“Well, wait, hang on,” Happy said taking a step toward him. “How…how did you know about the plane to begin with? You were here before us…and you look pretty banged up from where I’m standing.” He noted that Spider-Man seemed to have a limp.
“You told me,” Spider-Man suddenly said.
“What?” Happy asked with confusion. “N-No, I didn’t. I only talked to Tony, Pepper, and…” he stopped…as he realized that there was a third person he spoke to about the plane…just a few days ago…
“What are you up to today, Happy?”
“Not too much…helping the guys move all the cargo to the plane today while you and the boss play Science in the lab.”
“What cargo?”
“Oh, just some Avengers tech that the boss wants to move to the Compound.”
“Is…is Mr. Stark moving?”
Happy chuckled. “Nah, kid, he’s just moving it up to the Compound. I think it’s just his way of dealing with everything that happened, and he figured it was best to have it in one place. He wouldn’t just drop you like a hot potato. He cares too much about you.”
“Yeah, I care about him too.”
“I know, kid…”
“…Peter…” Happy finished as the cold realization washed over him. There was no way. It was impossible, but then again...was it? They had the same voice, the same height...
“Oh...did I say you? I-I’m sorry, I-I meant Peter...Peter told me,” Spider-Man said quickly and obviously realizing his mistake.
However, he made an even bigger mistake. “Last time I checked...” he said slowly, “Tony said that Peter isn’t on good terms with Spider-Man. He’s tried to get you two to meet, but he never did.” Happy furrowed his eyebrows together as he took a step closer. “Come to think of it, it...is kind of weird that Peter Parker and Spider-Man...both of whom work for Tony Stark...are never in the same room together.”
“It’s not weird,” Spider-Man said quickly. “We just never saw each other. That’s all. Don’t make anything of it.”
“Spider-Man…come on,” Happy said. “Just turn around.”
“I can’t,” the hero replied.
The forehead of security took a deep breath. He was praying that he was wrong, but at the same time, he knew that he was probably right...as to who Spider-Man was.
“Peter...” Happy finally said after a moment.
This seemed to make him stop.
“Peter, please turn around,” Happy said again.
“I can’t,” Peter said, “and I’m not Peter.”
The hero still didn’t leave or attempt at the very least, and the forehead of security wondered if maybe he was deciding whether or not to reveal himself. Happy didn’t say anything as he stared at Spider-Man’s back silently begging him to just turn around and face him. His heart began to pound in his chest as he waited for Spider-Man to make his move. Then…he heard Spider-Man sigh in defeat, and without much warning, he slowly began to turn around while keeping his hood up.
Despite Happy making the connection, seeing the face of his boss’s personal intern…the one he had been getting so close to over the past few year or so…in Spider-Man’s old suit…looking battered and dirty from a battle…made him want to vomit right then and there. His eyes widened as he let out a shaky breath as he looked at…Peter.
“Aw, kid…” he finally said.
“Happy…uhh…I…I…didn’t…I mean…” Peter tried to say. However, he was clearly at a loss for words himself.
The forehead of security looked only to see the police and clean-up crew inching closer to them. Thankfully, they didn’t seem to notice that Spider-Man was without a mask, and he was realizing that Tony’s kid was now relying on him to do something, he quickly put his flashlight down and shrugged off his jacket.
“W-What are you doing?” Peter asked.
“I don’t know about you, kid,” Happy said as he took his jacket and placed It over Peter’s head to help conceal his face., “but I don’t think we need to have Spider-Man identity blasted on.the news. “Just stick with me. I’ll take you to the tower, okay?”
“Okay,” Peter replied meekly.
Happy wasted no time in putting his arm around Peter pulling him close to his side and guiding him through the wrecked plane to his car. “We just got to get past these guys,” he said, “and then we’re home free.”
Peter could only nod as Happy began walking them both to the car. He could only see out of a small crack in the opening of the jacket, but thankfully nobody else could see his face. That was a huge relief as Happy told the cops and the clean-up crew that he found Spider-Man and that he was going to escort him to get him some help. A couple of people offered to help, but Happy thankfully insisted that he was okay and didn’t let anyone come near them.
After a few minutes, Peter felt himself being maneuvered into a car, and as he found himself being guided into the seat, he kept the jacket over his face. Happy wasted no time in closing the car door before jumping into the driver’s seat and driving off back toward Stark Tower. Thankfully, it was late at night, so there was no traffic. The drive would be quick.
“Okay, kid, we’re far enough,” Happy said after a few minutes. “You can take the jacket off now.”
Peter slowly but surely removed the jacket from his head and took it off allowing Happy to see his face in the rearview mirror, and it was at that moment that his heart dropped. His identity was just revealed…to Happy Hogan, of all people, his mentor’s best friend and head of security, and he was now taking him to the tower…the very tower Tony Stark lived in. His heart pounded that he would have to tell his mentor that he was Spider-Man…after keeping this huge secret from him…and after Tony took Spider-Man’s suit away…after he messed up with the ferry. While Tony wasn’t angry with Peter, he was certainly mad at Spider-Man.
After the ferry incident, Peter had to go on pretending that he didn’t just get his suit…his alter-ego taken away by his mentor…and that he didn’t disappoint his mentor in one of the worst ways possible. He knew…just knew that if Tony found out that his intern and superhero mentee were one and the same…it would ruin everything…destroy everything he and Tony had. Ever since Tony had taken him under his wing as his intern in Stark Industries, he refused to do anything to disappoint the billionaire. He had become more than a mentor over the past few months…more like a father-figure to him. The way he and Tony connected…the way they talked to each other about their dark pasts…lost loved ones…it felt as though Tony was filling the void Ben left just the year before, but now…he realized that there was a possibility that it could all be over that night…in just one second. Tony would surely take one look at him and want nothing more to do with him.
“You okay, kid?” Happy finally asked gently.
“I…I don’t know,” Peter replied quietly. “D-Do we really have to talk to Mr. Stark about this?”
Happy sighed and slightly shook his head. “Yes, we do,” he replied. “He cares about you. He’s going to want to be sure that you’re okay. Besides, he would have my head if I let you go home like that.”
Peter sighed as he leaned back against the headrest. “He’s going to hate me,” he said.
“Peter…come on…he might be worried and a little pissed that you didn’t tell anyone about this…but he could never hate you.”
“You didn’t see his face when he was yelling at Spider-Man.”
(line break)
Needless to say, this was the last thing Tony had expected to happen that Friday night. After he and May dropped Peter off at his date’s house, he and his intern’s aunt went out for a quick bite to eat, and then he returned to the tower and spent some time in the lab while Pepper finished up with work. May told him that she would pick Peter up to take him home and promised that they would spend some time together tomorrow, and Tony was even going to go to bed at a decent hour that night…only to be woken up by Happy, who called him to tell him that the plane for the Avengers’ technology was going down and about to crash. He of course sent Happy to go retrieve it and find out what happened and to recover the weapons.
As he worked in the lab waiting for Happy to report back, he perked when FRIDAY announced that someone was coming up in the elevator. He looked up, and sure enough, there was Happy walking into the lab.
“Hey, uh, boss...” Happy began, “I got the hero of the hour with me.”
Tony furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion as he studied his forehead of security.  Weird because your tone suggests you got the villain instead,” he said as he took a step toward him eyeing him with suspicion.
Happy took a quick look over his shoulder clearly looking at someone behind him. Tony couldn’t see who it was, and JT piqued his curiosity even more. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was someone he found with the plane.
“Not a villain,” Happy began, “but...” He stepped to the side...revealing...Peter.
Tony’s eyes widened...upon seeing his teenaged intern...clearly looking bruised and cut up and a bit dirty, but that wasn’t what made his heart pound even more. He could handle Peter looking banged up because that was easy to fix. Some bandages and he would be fine, but what made his heart pound was seeing his intern...in a certain red and blue onesie...one that was all too familiar to him. He couldn’t possibly be wearing this onesie...he couldn’t have been. Peter was supposed to be at Homecoming with Liz.
“P-Peter...w-what are you...?” Tony asked in shock taking a step toward his kid. Peter didn’t say anything as he watched him walk closer. “Kid...please tell you decided wear a Halloween costume early just to scare me...”
The teenager shook his head slowly. “I-I wish I could, Mr. Stark...” he said.
“Y-You’re...you’re Spider-Man...?” Tony breathed after a moment. “This...this whole time...it’s been you? You’re him?”
Peter could only nod with tears forming in his eyes.
Tony’s breath caught in his throat as he stared at Peter...the very same kid he took under his wing months ago...the very same kid who had been coming to work with him every week in the lab...the very same kid he had come to see as a son. He was actually Spider-Man... This whole time he was actually the web slinging hero...Spider-Man. “W-Washington...when you disappeared...and...” he began as all the memories of him interacting with Spider-Man, “and... Germany...you...you were in Germany with me...and the ferry...and the night...the night you...Spider-Man almost drowned...that was all you?” Now, he couldn’t even see the mysterious web-slinging hero he had come to care about...all he could see was the teenager he came to care about...and it scared him.
“Yes,” Peter said softly looking at the floor and then up at Tony, “but please don’t be mad.”
“Mad?” Tony breathed raising his eyebrows. “Who’s mad, kid? Not me, I’m fine. Scared? Yes. Terrified? Hell to the yes.” The billionaire ran his hands through his hair thinking about Peter lying on the pavement at the airport in Germany…almost drowning or getting injured while fighting the Vulture on the ferry, and how he would’ve had no clue. How did he miss this? He was Tony Stark…supposedly a genius. How did he never figure out that Peter and Spider-Man were one and the same? “Oh my god...my intern...my...my kid...has been Spider-Man this whole time, and I never had any clue.”
Peter felt the tears form even more in his eyes seeing his mentor freak out in front of him…feeling guilty over not knowing he was Spider-Man…and he just even worse for not coming clean to Tony sooner. He could only wring his hands in his hoodie. “I didn’t mean to lie to you, I swear,” he said a little louder this time.
That made Tony stop in his tracks to look into Peter’s brown eyes. “Then why?” Tony asked…perhaps a little too firmly. He quickly steadied himself. The last thing he wanted to do was yell at Peter…not when there probably was a reason why he kept this huge secret from him and May. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he added more softly. “Pete, we tell each other everything. Why didn’t you tell me about...this?”
Peter closed his eyes as he realized that Tony was in fact right. They did tell each other everything from the littlest things to the biggest of things. He and Tony had learned to warm up to each other…to get comfortable with each other…and to trust each other in the year they had known each other.
“My uncle and I had a fight the night he died…and I ran out…I just ran to get a snack, and he went after me. Next thing I know…this robber comes into the deli and runs out…the owner even asked me why I didn’t stop him…I go out…and there’s Ben…lying on the ground bleeding. I…tried to save him…but…”
“Aw, kid…and you’ve been thinking that this whole time….”
“I don’t have to think it. I know it’s true, Mr. Stark.”
“No, it’s not, kid…it’s not your fault.”
True, Spider-Man and Tony had been too, but…Spider-Man couldn’t let Tony in like Peter did. If Spider-Man were to let anything slip, it could be one step closer to finding out that he and Peter Parker were one and the same.
The fact that his mentor looked so hurt that he didn’t share this made him feel more guilty, and he owed Tony an explanation. “Because...I was...” he stopped briefly wondering if he should even…explain before deciding to continue, “I-I don’t know...I guess I was worried you would try to stop me. I mean...I was trying to think of a way to break it down gently, but...I...after what happened with the ferry...and you wanted the suit back...I got scared. I...I already lost you as Spider-Man. I didn’t want to lose you as Peter Parker, too.”
“Y-You thought that...” Tony began still staring at Peter with widened eyes, and as the tears fell on Peter’s face…his heart broke, “aw, kid...come here.” He wasted no time in pulling Peter in for a hug as the teenaged vigilante quickly returned the gesture. “You never lost me, kid.” He ran his hands through Peter’s sweaty and matted hair. “I...I didn’t mean for you to think that I would reject you completely. I’m sorry you thought that. You just...you needed some tough love, that’s all.”
Peter sighed feeling the relief wash over him as he found himself in his mentor’s warm embrace. Tony’s hugs always seemed to have that affect on him whenever he was stressed, upset, or just wanted a hug, but now...it was a promise...that he would never lose him despite being Spider-Man. It was a promise to never leave him and that he would always be there. “I know that now,” he said. “I’m sorry, too, Mr. Stark. I just...wanted to be like you.”
“I just wanted to be like you.”
“And I wanted you to be better.”
The billionaire couldn’t help but chuckle. It was so much different now hearing Peter say that to him, and not as Spider-Man. “I appreciate that, kid,” he replied, “but...I’m hoping for you to be better than me. Who am I kidding? You’re on your way there.”
“He sure is, boss,” Happy interjected proudly. “This guy saved the Vulture.”
“I have no doubt about it,” Tony said smiling at his friend before pulling away so that he was looking at Peter. He noted how he did look bruised and had a few cuts on his face and how dirty he looked. “Let’s get you cleaned up and have those wounds looked at.”
“Okay,” Peter said nodding and smiling up at his mentor. “Thanks, Mr. Stark, and just so you know, I think I’m going to stay close to the ground for a little while...like you said...be the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, you know? After what happened tonight...I...you know...”
Tony smiled as he held onto Peter almost as if he was afraid to let go of his intern. “I think that’s a great idea, buddy,” Tony said after a moment, “and I’ll be there every step of the way, both for the internship and super-heroism.”
“Well,” Peter began smiling up at the billionaire, “you’ve already been doing that, but it’ll be such a relief not keeping it from you.”
“I’m glad you said that because...there’s one other person we should tell,” Tony said raising his eyebrows hoping Peter would take the hint.
The teenaged vigilante clearly got the hint because he threw his head back and groaned. “But May will freak out,” he said pleadingly.
“I know,” Tony said gently, “but she really does need to know, bud. It wouldn’t be fair if I was the only one who knew. That, and she would kick my ass if she found out I knew, and she didn’t.”
“It’s not worth just a…teeny tiny little risk?” Peter asked with a small smile.
“No...now, come on, Ferris,” Tony said wrapping an arm around Peter’s shoulders guiding him out of the lab with Happy in tow. “I’m going to take you down to the MedBay, and we will have lots to talk about.”
Peter rolled his eyes at his mentor, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but smile in relief. Perhaps, Tony and May knowing about him being Spider-Man wouldn’t be so bad.
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hopes4gf · 3 years
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Thievery and Mischief- (a descendants/marvel crossover)
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After the tour, I decide to pay a little visit to my friends at Auradon Prep, Tia and Tavian, my favorite twins from Louisiana and drama club captains.
”Yo, Adri! What’s up?” Tavian says.
”Long time no see, how y’all doing?” I ask.
”Good now that there’s some peace and quiet,” Tia says, looking up towards the top of the stage.
”Not my fault you guys are so boring,” A voice says from the rafters.
I look up and see a guy with large wings, almost like a bird’s.
He stares at me, his eyes widening and suddenly he swoops down. 
“Holy crap, you’re Adri Ababwa. I’m a big fan,” The guy says now standing in front of me.
”Nice wings man,” I say.
”Thanks, I grew them myself. Mutant powers y’know?” Angel says.
”Mutants?” I ask.
”My dad is a fairy, my mom is a sorceress. I’m Angel, by the way,” He says.
”Angel...by any chance are you the Bell twins’ cousin?” I ask.
He nods.
”They talk about you all the time, I see why now,” I say.
”It’s rare to see mutants in families. Some have wings, have claws in their hands, can shapeshift, that’s probably why I look up to you,” Angel says.
”Cause I can shapeshift into a tiger?” I ask.
”Exactly,” Angel says.
Tia and Tavian stare at us confusedly.
”Power talk,” I say.
The bell rings and the twins collect their things.
”Ooh, Tia! When’s the next time your mom can make me some of her famous gumbo?” I ask.
”If you come with me now, we can stop by her restaurant,” Tia says.
I turn to Angel.
”Wanna come?” I ask.
”Sure,” Angel says.
————
After meeting Angel, I learned some things about mutants and their abilities. This lesson was pretty enlightening and made me feel like I wasn't alone with my curse.
Later, I get a call from a number I don't recognize while walking through the gardens. I pick up the phone.
"Hello?" I say through the phone.
"Hey, Adri. It's been a while," A familiar voice says through the phone.
I recognize the voice to be Stefani, or Lady Gaga through the phone.
"Oh my gosh, Stefani! It's such an honor to talk to you again," I say happily. 
I sit under the usual gossip tree to take the call.
"I know. Anyways, darling, I have a little project for you. You're someone who I love and hold dear as an artist, so I want to collaborate with you on a couple of songs for a movie I'm producing a soundtrack for," Stefani says.
"You want to collaborate with me for a motion picture soundtrack?" I ask.
"Mark Ronson is also gonna help and a couple of people from my team too. I was also looking in the credits for your album and I saw your boyfriend did the mixing for a couple of songs. I was hoping you and him might want to tag along on this," Stefani adds.
"I'm sure he would e happy to, but for now all I can say is yes to you on my own behalf. I would absolutely love to," I say with a smile.
"Great! I'll text you meeting details on Friday," Stefani says.
"Great!" I say.
I hang up the phone and giggle. I feel like screaming for joy. So many great things are happening! I guess that's what happens when you hit rock-bottom, you only go up from there. And now, everything is looking up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk to the gym where I find Jay with Lonnie and the rest of the fencing team.
”Take a break, boys!” Lonnie says, blowing her new captain’s whistle.
Jay spots me by the doors and walks over with a smile on his face.
”Hey, babe,” He greets.
Before he can kiss me, I put my finger over his lips.
”We have songs to write for Gaga,” I say with a smile.
Jay’s smile drops.
”Gaga? As in, Lady Gaga? Grammy award winner, Gaga?” Jay asks.
”She just called me and she wants us to write her songs for a movie,” I say.
Jay smiles widely and lifts me of the ground, hugging me tightly. 
“Jesus, why didn’t you tell me sooner? That’s great! What if we win as Oscar or a Grammy or even a Teen choice award? I’m so proud of you,” Jay rants.
I laugh at his reaction to the news.
”Why is Jay smiling like that?” Lonnie asks, coming up to us.
”We get to write music for Lady Gaga,” Jay says proudly.
Lonnie’s jaw drops.
”Congratulations! You deserve it for making such good songs for her album,” Lonnie says, patting Jay’s shoulder.
”Nah, the real mastermind is Adri. Her lyrics and her voice made the songs much more beautiful,” Jay says.
I blush softly and punch his arm shyly.
”Shut up,” I mutter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After Jay’s practice, we follow Lonnie to Coach Jenkin’s office.
”There's my favorite captains!” Coach says.
“Oh shush, we know we’re good,” I say with a smirk.
I first bump Lonnie.
”Speaking of Captains, I got word of your schedule changes,” He says, pointing to me and Jay.
”Even though these changes have been made, I still think you’d be able to advise your teams. Especially you, Jay, since Ben is out of action,” Coach explains.
”Are you promoting me?” Jay asks.
”I’m making you Captain of the Tourney team, Jay,” Coach says.
Jay’s jaw drops.
”No way,” Jay says in shock.
“Looks like things are looking up, JJ,” I say with a smile.
Jay’s mouth morphs into a smirk.
”Damn right,” He says.
Coach gives us a soft smile.
”You guys can celebrate or something, but on Monday, I expect you all to adjust,” Coach says.
”Yeah,” We all agree.
Suddenly, the announcements go off.
”Adri Ababwa, please report to Fairy Godmother’s office,” The announcement says.
”Did you get your skateboard taken again?” Jay asks.
”How many times are you gonna get that thing confiscated?” Lonnie asks, rolling her eyes.
”It’s in my locker, chill. I have no idea,” I say, getting up from my seat.
I walk through the door and walk to the office.
I walk into the headmistress’s office and I see Mal and Ben with Fairy Godmother.
”Long time no see,” I say to Ben and Mal.
”Glad you’re here,” Ben says, hugging me.
”We called you here because Mal has a proposal for you,” Fairy Godmother explains.
“Rogers stepped down from his position,” Mal says.
My smile fades. Steve Rogers? Family friend, Avengers, Steve?
”Steve stepped down from Captain? Why?” I ask.
“He and Tony had a dispute after Voltron in Germany. I’ve tried to keep a temporary position since Uma came into the Isle, but we need more troops. I think you’d be the best for it because of your powers and experience. And plus, you're already trusted on the court,” Mal explains.
”Mal, I’d be honored to. But I have to find a way to fit it into my schedule. The only free time I have is around now,” I say.
”So, then you can clock in at 5 and finish at 8,” Ben says.
”It's an intensive training role. You’d pick up recruits, train them, and go to the dungeons,” Ben says.
”Not bad,” I think.
”Fine, I’ll do it,” I say.
”Thank you so much,” Mal says with a smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk into the base of operations and spot a familiar face. Bucky Barnes, Steve’s best friend, and newest Avenger.
”Hey, metal arm,” I joke.
”Thank god you’re here,” Bucky says, spotting me.
He gives me a side hug.
”What the hell is wrong with Steve?” I ask him.
”Steve doesn’t agree with the new laws set by Rhodes and the Marshall. Since Sokovia, they wanna add restrictions on our powers because of the explosion and because of that telekinesis girl,” Bucky says.
”I mean they did destroy the city too,” I mention.
”The reason for Tony’s nightmares,” Bucky recalls.
”He has nightmares?” I ask.
”Yeah, if Loki ever comes back, he’ll have a malfunction,” Bucky says.
”Let’s hope that his arc reactor surgery saves him,” I say.
Bucky laughs, remembering he doesn’t have a heart.
”Anyways, let me show you around. So, this is the center of the base, here we have our tanks, our fake grenades, our armory, and training center,” Bucky explains.
”And the troops?” I ask.
”I think that’s your job to cause the first commotion,” Bucky says, handing me a grenade.
”Watch this, grandpa,” I say, taking the grenade from his hands. 
I toss the grenade into a group of guys.
They all huddle near the grenade trying to cover it and push each other away.
”Hey! What the hell are you sons if bitches doing? If you see an enemy grenade, you take cover!” I yell.
”The hell is this bitch?” One of the guys asks.
”Bitch? I’m not anyone’s bitch, and for the record, I’m your new Captain,” I say.
The troops all mutter and scoff at each other.
”Go home, kid! You’re kidding yourself if you think you’re gonna train us,” Another guy says.
”What’re your names?” I ask the guys.
They both look at me like I’m dumb.
”I’m Jack. This is Lio,” Jack says.
”I’m promoting you,” I say.
They both look at each other in shock.
”Both of you are now my Lieutenants. You’re gonna spend the majority of training by my side. Whoever are Lieutenants, you’re demoted. If there’s anything I know about being a soldier, you’d fight any fight or anyone to make it to the top. As I train each of you, you must be following my direct orders only. I will watch you all carefully and see if any of you demonstrate proper soldiers' skills. That will determine if you are my second in command. New recruits will all be promoted in place of older ones. As long as you keep up with your task, you’re safe. Any bullshit, you’re out, understand?” I say.
”Yes ma’am,” The Troops say.
I grab a sword from a barrel and I throw it at Lio.
”Get to work,” I order.
The troops go to their assigned positions and Lio and Jack come towards me.
”Who the hell are y-“ Lío starts.
”Bro, that's Adri Ababwa,” Jack explains.
”The artist?” Lio asks.
“Yeah, I’m a huge fan and I’m so fucking sorry about the way I acted earlier,” Jack apologizes.
”It’s fine, I don’t take shit personally. At least anymore,” I say.
”Bruh, you called her a bitch,” Lio comments.
”Shut up,” Jack mutters.
”Listen, I can already tell you two are friends. So please make this easy for me and shut the fuck up and listen,” I say honestly.
”You know you remind me a lot of Rogers,” Jack says.
”We’re friends,” I say.
”You’re friends with Steve Rogers?” Lio asks.
”Yes, now listen up. We’re gonna do some tactical work. You’re gonna go through the grass here with your rifles, your gonna shoot three birds and bring them to me. Got it?” I order.
”Yes ma’am,” They say.
They then pick up their rifles and crouch through the grass.
They miss every shot when birds pass by. One of them lands on Lio’s head and he coos the bird. I roll my eyes at his action. Then, Jack shoots two birds at once. My eyes widen at his shot. They fall into the grass and he picks them up. Lio shoots a bird and it falls slowly.
”That's one big bird,” Lio comments. 
As it falls to the ground I notice it’s not a bird. 
“Are fucking stupid? That’s a human, not a bird!” Jack shouts. 
I run quickly under the person and they fall in my arms.
”Angel? Jesus, are you okay?” I realize.
The metal winged man winces in pain. I realize his hip is bleeding.
”Lio, what the hell is wrong with you? You shot him in the ribs,” I say.
I place him in the grass and reach for Jack’s medkit. He hands it to me and I open it up. I take a pair of tweezers and some alcohol.
”Sit still,” I advise.
I pry the bullet from his hip slowly and Angel grits his teeth from the pain. The bullet comes out cleanly and I put alcohol on the wound and wrap it up.
”Can you fly?” I ask him.
”Sure,” Angel says.
He uses his wings to fly up straight.
”Now who the fuck mistook me for a hunting duck?” Angel asks.
Jack points to Lio.
”Come on, man,” Lío says exasperatedly to Jack.
”Terrible shot,” Angel comments.
Then he takes the gun from Lio’s hand and shoots a bird. The shot is clean and the bird falls quickly to the grass.
”That's how you shoot,” Angel says, picking up the bird from the grass.
He’s good. And he’s got those wings too. 
“Hey, Angel? You got anything to do after school?” I ask him.
”No,” He scoffs.
”Would you be interested in being a troop?” I ask him.
”What?” Lio and Jack ask.
”Well, I’ve got nothing else to do,” Angel says.
I smirk and pat his shoulder.
Later, I give Angel his new uniform and make him another Lieutenant. We continue tactical shooting until sunset.
I then search the premises of the base and look at the other troops. They whisper and smirk as I pass by. Some troops, practice grenade launching, shooting positions, fencing. I think to myself:
”Maybe this is something Jay would be interested in hearing.”
I smirk to myself as I think about how successful Jay has been so far in his time in Auradon. I walk into the training center and spot Bucky talking to a troop.
”Hey, how was your first day?” Bucky asks.
”Could’ve been better, but it means progress,” I say with a soft smile.
”Good to know you’re a hard hitter instead of a soft princess. Kind of like your mom,” Bucky says.
”Don’t mention me and my mom in the same sentence, you 100-year-old soldier. That’s like putting you and Steve in the same sentence about ice,” I say, rolling my eyes.
”Shut the hell up,” Bucky says punching my arm with his regular fist.
”You ever punch me with your vibranium arm, I will kill you,” I warn.
Bucky laughs and leaves me alone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day at school, Angel and I decided to sit together at lunch. We talk about training and new things I could teach the troops. As we talk about ammunition I spot Jay talking to Ruby Fitzherberg, Rapunzel’s daughter. I see her pressing upon him and twirling her blonde hair. Jay uncomfortably tries to walk away.
”Oh god,” I say, rolling my eyes.
”God what?” Angel asks me.
”Jay is with Ruby,” I say.
”Ruby? The girl who slept with five guys at once? You better scoop your man before she gets him,” Angel advises.
”How do you know that?” I ask.
”What? I’m gay. Of course, I know,” Angel explains.
My eyes widen at his words.
”Huh?” I ask dumbfoundedly.
”I said what I said, I’m gay,” Angel says.
I blink in confusion and stand up from the bench. 
I walk over to Jay and Ruby and sling my arm around his shoulder. 
“Hey guys,” I say.
”Adri! Nice to see you after you dealt with Angel in the theatre,” Ruby says.
”You were there? I didn’t see you or hear your annoying voice,” I say with a smirk.
”I was just asking Jay whether or not he likes my new hair,” Ruby says flirtatiously towards Jay, ignoring my words.
”Um, it looks the same,” I say.
”That’s what I said,” Jay agrees.
”Come on, I cut it 4 inches!” Ruby says playfully hitting Jay’s arm.
”Excuse me, can you not put your hands on him?” I ask her.
”Why not?” Ruby asks.
”It’s super clear that he’s uncomfortable,” I say.
”No he’s not,” Ruby replies bitterly.
Ruby turns to Jay.
”Adri, can we go?” Jay asks.
”Gladly,” I say through gritted teeth.
I grab Jay’s arm and we walk back to my table.
”Who’s this?” Jay asks, seeing Angel.
”This is Lieutenant Angel, the guy Ruby was talking about,” I say.
”Jay. Jay Farr, I’ve heard quite a bit about you from Adri,” Jay says.
”I’ve heard a lot about you too,” Angel says.
”Anyways, you saw what I saw right?” I ask Angel.
”Um, obviously. Ruby has absolutely no self-control. Hey, I’m gay by the way and if you ever and I mean EVER dump her, you’re either getting a Louboutin heel to the face or a date with me,” Angel says.
I scoff at his remarks.
”What? He’s hot,” Angel compliments.
”Thanks, man but I have plans with this girl so...no thanks,” Jay says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
”Like I was saying, Ruby thinks she is all preppy and cool when she’s totally out of line for that shit,” I say to Angel.
”What did she do exactly?” Jay asks, peeking in the conversation.
”She was flirting with you- anyways I try to be sane one...”
”And you’re complaining why?” Jay asks in between my words.
Angel snickers to himself. I glare at Jay.
”You. Are. Mine. End of story,” I say through gritted teeth.
Jay laughs to himself after I speak. 
“Jeez, you’re jealous! I didn’t actually think you’d slide into the conversation because of that,” Jay laughs.
”With your tendencies, it was so obvious that you were uncomfortable but when I walked over you played into it! It was so clear,” I say frustratedly.
Jay continues to laugh at my responses. I look over at Angel and rolls his eyes.
”She feels like your toying with her and she doesn’t like it,” Angel blurts out.
Jay stops laughing and his smile drops. He turns to see me.
I play with the underside of my nail, trying not to look at Jay.
”Is that true?” Jay asks.
”I don’t know. Maybe I just feel like at any moment you could be suddenly interested in some other girl who’s better than I am,” I mutter.
Jay puts a hand on my thigh and I turn to face him.
”Baby, why would I make plans with you if I didn’t love you or care about you enough to stay with you?” Jay asks.
I blush lightly and shrug.
”It’s because I think your worth every minute of my life,” Jay says sincerely.
I smile softly and I kiss his cheek.
”That's cute,” Angel says.
”Shut up,” I giggle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A month later,
”Tell me something, boy. Aren’t you tired try to- Fuck what rhymes with that?” I sing, stopping mid-way to think.
”Void?” Stefani suggests.
”Damn it, why is it so hard to write a love song without having the word love in it?” I ask exasperatedly.
”Cause it’s impossible?” Jay suggests.
”It is possible. We’ve just got two weeks to figure it out,” Stefani says, sitting back down in her chair.
Jay puts out his hand for me to pass him the guitar.
”How about we just repeat a couple of lines?” Jay says, receiving the guitar.
“Tell me something, boy, aren’t you tired of trying to fill that void?
or do you need more?” He starts.
”Aint it hard keeping it so hardcore?”  Stefani finishes.
”Yes! That’s it,” I say, writing it down.
We’re about to finish the last song of the motion picture and we’re almost done. But the lyrics keep falling apart.
”Maybe Bradley should just come in here and help us,” I suggest.
We call in Stefani’s co-star, Bradley and he sits.
”What’s the dilemma?” He asks.
”We need more ears. So, how about it?” Jay asks.
Jay hands Bradley the guitar.
”Shit, I’ve only been in classes for a month,” Bradley hesitates.
”You can do it,” Stefani says confidently.
youtu.be/MUX4ZWkDS-s
Bradley starts to strum the chords of the song. I hand Stefani our brainstorm journal and they both look at our lyrics.
They sing the parts of the song effortlessly. At one part, Stefani improvises and nails the part.
They finish and Jay and I clap.
”That was movie magic at its finest! Now, let’s record it, mix it, and then off we go,” I say.
We all get up from our seats to start working on our parts.
Jay and I lay down the mixing and Bradley and Stefani record. And just for fun, Stefani plays a piano version and we end up recording that too.
Later that night, we come home absolutely exhausted.
I plop onto my dorm room bed and sigh. I look up at my ceiling and see the moonlight peeking through my curtain. The bed sinks and I turn to see Jay lying there next to me, looking at the curtains.
”Long days at work, huh?” Jay asks me.
”I took off training to do that, so, yes,” I say.
We both paused in silence for a minute.
”Hey,” Jay speaks up.
”Yeah?”
”Do you think we’ll get nominated for anything?” Jay asks.
”Probably,” I say, thinking out loud.
”You know. I’m glad you asked me to start making music with you. It’s like something I can remember about you...like our own special thing, you know?” Jay says.
”Yeah. By the way, Stefani was the one who asked for you. Not me,” I say.
”Really? I didn’t think that would ever happen,” Jay says in surprise.
I chuckle at his reaction. I turn to my side and wrap my arm around his body. He does the same, pulling me closer to his chest by gripping my waist.
”Baby, where do you see us in the next year?” Jay asks.
I furrow my brows in confusion.
”I mean. Do you think we’ll be together after senior year next year?” Jay asks.
”I mean, we’ve had no problems with our career schedules so far. Sure we had the situation with Lonnie but luckily I’m that wasn’t real,” I say.
Jay laughs at my recollection.
”I’m sorry for that,” Jay chuckles.
”I know. Anyways, I actually believe we could be traveling, making songs, doing couples interviews and photoshoots, and maybe I can have you come to Agrabah and convince my parents to help us get married?” I suggest.
”Married? You wanna marry me?” Jay asks.
”I mean, we need a new heir in the bloodline. And I don’t think Aziz wants to settle down or rule the kingdom yet,” I say.
Jay chuckles to himself for a minute. He scoops down and places a kiss on my forehead.
”Why can’t we do that now then?” Jay asks.
My eyes widen at his words. I blink twice adjusting to his reaction.
”You wanna do all that now?” I ask him.
”Why not? If that means I get to spend the rest of my life with your crazy ass? Definitely,” Jay agrees.
A smile morphs on my face and I jump up to get my phone.
I dial my mom’s number.
”Ma, it’s Adri. We’ve gotta make some plans...”
3,858 words
2 notes · View notes
gingersnapwolves · 5 years
Text
Kouri watches Marvel’s Runaways Season 1
yo I heard you like liveblogs so I liveblogged a liveblog
30 minutes in and I’m already insane about what happened to Amy
“he hasn’t laid a hand on for a while now” wow what a stellar endorsement
I like Amy and Nico’s dad, why does he have to be evil
the narrative framing of the first two episodes is really interesting, showing the same day from both the parents’ and kids’ POV
Leslie is like “do we have to talk about your issues right now? I’m trying to psych myself up to murder an innocent teenager”
“personally I’ve found denial to be a great coping mechanism” that applies to like failed romances and stuff not murder
ugh Leslie’s husband. why couldn’t they sacrifice him?
ooooooh she’s not dead! fucking plot twist!
betrayed by a fallen hairclip!
Robert I hate to be the one to break this to you but your wife is kinda evil
oh yes that picture of Destiny in front of Big Ben is totally convincing
okay I get that Victor doesn’t want to admit his box malfunctioned but won’t they notice church dude is still wrinkly and shrivelly
the house calling Tina the ‘alpha user’ is just fucking weird
um, Robert. I like you. But buying a house for yourself and your mistress without clearing it with said mistress is very, very stupid.
wow, this flashback to Amy's death is super fucked up, why wouldn't her parents call 911
and it got more fucked up! okay then
Chase and Gert just aren't gonna mention the dinosaur they let free to the other kids???
"I don't want to get my parents in trouble [for their illegal dinosaur]" um Gert priorities please
oh no she ruined your school's chances at winning the lacrosse championship! ......was high school really like this? literally nobody at my high school would give a shit about that
why is she getting naked for the weird corpse?????
WHY ARE THEIR CROTCHES GLOWING
I HAVE CONCERNS
Yes, I'm sure this kidnapping in broad daylight in front of a ton of other people is going to go swimmingly
lmaoooooooooooooooo just as well as anticipated
omg if she takes off her bracelet and doesn't glow and thinks she's crazy I'mma lose my shit
oh thank God, glowing
Alex honey I love you but do you have any idea how to use that gun
FISTIGONS LMAOOOOOO
that scene with his dad would be sweet if his father wasn't an abusive cockbite
Alex is like "all this happening and I'm getting kidnapped by gangsters, that is just super"
will someone listen to Molly please!!!!
well, I foresee that this is going to go very badly for absolutely everybody
poor Alex is like "I would like very much to be excluded from this narrative, which I never asked to be part of"
holy shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
Alex just sttraight up shot that guy
suddenly: iron man!
hey, a time machine concept I don't hate!
ooooh, glioblastoma, those are nasty
couldn't happen to a nicer guy
okay how is creepy shrivelled old dude actually more creepy when he's not shrivelled and old
wow, these people should have asked a LOT more questions before they put on those fucking robes
"we made a deal with the devil" wow it took all y'all way too long to figure that out
like. nobody ever asked what he was getting out of this? Not a one of you? I thought you guys were all geniuses.
this is not the place for your adultery drama, Victor!
"you're all keeping secrets from each other" yes well that's what happens when you blackmail a bunch of people into committing ritual murder together
did Satan actually not notice that what's-his-nuts just pocketed the rest of his miracle cure
also, okay. I can't believe that not a single one of these parents who got tricked into committing murder on tape didn't think "ya know what? I'm gonna go to the cops anyway and just say that I had no idea 'get in the glowing box' was going to end up in someone being dematerialized by science that as far as I knew didn't even exist yet, and since Leslie admitted on tape that she did know that, she can go to jail and I'll just go into fucking witness protection"
Rather than "guess I'll keep murdering teenagers once a year in this nifty crimson robe"
alien brain has done some weird things to Victor
Chase, stop defending your father. Just stop.
suddenly: Frank is magic!
"It's like he wanted us to examine it" how can you say that without realizing that you're 100% correct
just spill the alien DNA on yourself!
whoever heard of lab safety?!
maybe don't tell Leslie you plan on destroying everything she's spent her life working for?
I don't know why Jonah is intent on "fixing" things with the couples and everything. Like. "We need Pride to stay together" .... I don't even know why all y'all are needed, how many people does it take to shove a homeless kid in a box
Victor, don't attack the lacrosse .... wait, they kicked Chase off the team for stopping a rape in progress. Victor, attack the lacrosse coach! Hit him!
lmao I was like "ugh relationship drama" and Amanda chimes in, without even knowing what's going on or what I’m watching, "the heteros are upsetero"
go get your dinosaur, Gert! I feel like a dinosaur would improve this situation.
ah, I see Victor's personality transplant has worn off
There's literally no reason they couldn't call an ambulance for Victor, come on, it was clearly self defense
"well that was inevitable" lmao Dale pls
Why does Jonah even care about keeping Victor alive
I hope the dinosaur eats Jonah
They're all just okay with sacrificing Janet? Seriously?
What in the Christ is so special about whatever Jonah is doing that none of them have just straight up murdered him
Damn, Tina threw down and now I kinda like her
eight episodes ago you hated your dad, Chase. he's the worst.
lol Tina really did burn her hand on a frying pan
wow, Darius hasn't given up yet?
whoa, sudden teenaged smexing
Well, see, the thing is, Jonah, nobody fucking likes you
he acts so offended that the people he blackmailed into committing murder for him don't want to do everything he says
"this better not be a crackbaby" Darius' girlfriend is my new favorite character
Frank why do you suck
yes, Chase, I'm sure blowing up the control panel is the best answer
the parent-group facing off the kid-group while Alex just stands there looking stern because he doesn't have any powers is hilarious
ALL Y’ALL REALLY JUST GON STAND THERE AND WATCH JONAH BLOW YOUR KIDS UP
NOT A FUCKING ONE OF YOU IS GONNA DO ANYTHING
THERE ARE LIKE 10 OF YOU AND ONE OF HIM
I get that he glows and makes lasers but holy motherfucking shit those dumbass parents really just stood there with their dumbass thumbs up their dumbass asses
the dino in a shopping cart covered by a blanket omg
okay I do not like Karolina having the face hugger mask on
"I'm her father, not Jonah!" dude she confided in you and you ratted her out to Jonah maybe don't be so proud of yourself
are y'all seriously leaving the dinosaur behind in the hills of LA. Seriously.
how in the hell did Alex have Darius' phone number???
I swear to God if I have to see one more minute of fucking Frank, I'mma lose it
Okay if framing them for murder was Jeffrey's plan to find them before Jonah does, he is an utter dipshit
not that this really surprises me as most of the parents honestly don’t seem too bright
okay done with season 1 and it’s a good thing multiple people told me season 2 is better because otherwise… 
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reynaberrieorgana · 6 years
Note
I'm sorry I'm no Reyloer but I have to say Han and Leia come off looking bad in the excerpts I've seen posted online. They left Ben with a droid that malfunctioned and tried to kill him. He was only TWO. Far too young to be left without his parents and if his parents couldn't be there then it should be a human nanny. There is no possible way a droid can replace human warmth, skin contact, affection and love from a real person. And that's when he was two, imagine what it was like when he got
older and he was more self sufficient I imagine they weren’t around much at all at that point if they were so wiling to leave him on his own when he was just a baby. If a droid tried to kill my baby I would never leave him with a droid again but Han and Leia had no problem with it. there’s also an excerpt of the droid bathing Ben and Leia is too busy doing it because she’s on a phone call with Mon Mothma. You can kind of see why Ben felt ignored.
I’m glad you were honest and began your message by admitting you never read the book. But with that in mind, I don’t understand why you still feel that you’re qualified to make a judgment on this book you admit to having never read. You clearly don’t know what you’re talking about and have no understanding of the universe this story takes place in.
***MAJOR SPOILERS FOR LAST SHOT AND GENERAL CANON***
In the series Star Wars, robots, referred to as droids, are a part of everyday life in this galaxy far far away. They serve as assistants, waiters, drivers, laborers, nannies, mechanics, doctors, translators, educators, security, chefs, soldiers, etc. They are engrained within this culture and are probably more trustworthy than a random sentient being hired off the street since they can be programmed and tailored to fit the needs of their owners. 
There is nothing wrong or abnormal with having a droid babysitter. It’s probably the norm in this society. In fact, Leia had a droid assigned specifically to her care as a child and teenager named TooVee (read Leia, Princess of Alderaan). Jyn Erso was also babysat and cared for in general by a droid while she lived with her parents before they went on the run (read Catalyst). That scene you’re referring to with Ben being given a bath by his droid and running out in the middle of it to get to his uncle Lando, who he loves and who adores him? Yeah, that’s a scene that can parallel a memory of Leia doing the exact same thing at his age while TooVee was trying to bathe her. Ben wasn’t being bathed by the droid because Leia was working while at home. He was being bathed by the droid because that is the droid’s job. Assigning a task to a droid does not make someone a bad parent. For example, putting a baby in a mechanical swing like this instead of rocking them or holding them constantly doesn’t make someone a bad parent in our world. It’s the same principle. 
The idea that two-year-olds cannot possibly ever be without their parents is ridiculous. I can’t begin to understand where that logic would come from. If a parent left their two year old completely alone with no one to care for them, then yes, that would be a problem. But many parents have to work. Putting their children in the care of a babysitter or daycare doesn’t make them a bad parent. It makes them a parent who is working hard to provide for their child.
There is no possible way a droid can replace human warmth, skin contact, affection and love from a real person.
Seriously? Read the book. The use of droids are not an attempt to “replace human warmth, skin contact, affection and love”. They are performing a task when they take care of children. It is a job. For Ben the “human warmth, skin contact, affection and love” come from his parents and loving uncles. Han’s first scene is him waking up with Ben who he had been watching cartoons with. In that same scene, Ben falls back to sleep in Han’s arms leaning his head on Han’s shoulder. Leia is also shown being extremely affectionate and hands-on with him. They both adore him and it’s mentioned that he sleeps between them (explaining why they only have one kid). If you ever get around to reading the book before making inaccurate judgments based on excerpts with no context you will see that almost every single time Ben is shown, he is with at least one of his parents. 
Oh and that moment when the droid was temporarily brainwashed to kill people? Yeah, that was a brief few seconds that Ben didn’t even notice. Since you didn’t read the book, here are some spoilers. The whole plot is about a crazy person who wants to kill most people in the galaxy and have those who remain serve droids who he considers to be superior to people. For a few seconds, he is able to hack into a huge chunk of droids across the galaxy with the intention of getting them to kill the people they are with. This lasts a few seconds before Lando destroys that machine that made the hack possible and also killing the man responsible. In order to build suspense for the story, a moment was put in from the perspective of Ben’s babysitter droid. The toddler doesn’t even notice that there is any danger. He is crying because his babysitter won’t allow him to play with anything dangerous. The next time he is seen, Leia is holding him and he’s happily playing with her hair. 
So, no, I do not see why K/lo would feel that he was ignored. In Bloodline, Leia has memories of him playing as a child and having friends. She has positive memories of him growing up in the TLJ novel. In that same book, K/lo remembers his parents being concerned with his violence, showing that they cared about getting him the help he needed and were far from ignoring him. There is no evidence that he was neglected at all within canon. 
If Han and Leia are guilty of anything, it’s of giving him far too much. He was adored, coddled, spoiled, and pampered. In the last Aftermath novel, he is described as having all the best that money can buy. He grew up as one of the absolute most privileged beings in the galaxy. Like the current villains in the real world, which he is meant to reflect, K/lo is an entitled, privileged asshole who feels that he deserves even more priveledges. That’s it. That’s his villain backstory: 30-year-old spoiled brat who had it all feels that he deserves even more and commits mass murder to get it. There is no sob story for him no matter how much his stans want one.
Just to summarize:
Don’t come into my inbox trying to argue about a book you have never read.
Parents having jobs doesn’t make them bad parents.
K/lo Ren’s choice to become the main villain of the series was his choice and is no one’s fault but his own.
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heavyarethecrowns · 7 years
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WILLIAM AND KATE’S FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY
WILLIAM AND KATE’S FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY
LOVE, LOLA ♥ MUSINGS ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, BEAUTY & ROYALTY
APRIL 29, 2016
Five years ago, Kate Middleton entered Westminster Abbey and emerged Her Royal Highness The Duchess of Cambridge, Countess of Strathearn and Lady Carrickfergus. After a near decade-long wait to become Mrs. Prince William, the woman who had been referred to in the press as Waity Katie, The Mattress, Her Royal Thighness and the Royal Doormat was repackaged as a perfect fairytale princess.
The royal love story was respun to sound a bit less stalkery. In “Kate, The Future Queen”, Katie Nicholls revealed that in order to increase her chances of becoming Mrs. Prince William, the Edinburgh-bound Kate decided to take a gap year and applied to be in Prince William’s class at St. Andrews. William and Kate’s first meeting wasn’t even at St. Andrews, in the summer 1999 they were introduced by Emilia d’Erlanger at “Club H” at Highgrove, but Kate failed to make an impression on William. Three years later, a sheer dress Kate wore at a charity fashion show finally did the trick.
In their eight years of dating before the engagement announcement, Kate reportedly found herself cast aside for Jecca Craig at William’s 21st birthday party, in 2004 before exams, Kate was dumped for “more space” which then took the form of Jecca Craig, in 2005 Kate was briefly replaced by Isabella Calthorpe who decided the princess life wasn’t for her, and in April 2007 William broke up with Kate for a couple of months, infamously jumping up on a table after dumping her via cell phone, shouting, “I’m free!” And yet, Kate still wanted to marry Prince William.
Kate’s wedding prep focused on the physical. In addition to having her teeth fixed and extensive beauty treatments, Kate lost so much weight that at an engagement in Ireland before the wedding, a woman expressed concern Kate was becoming too thin. Kate replied, “It’s all part of the plan!” The Palace Press Office tried to keep Kate’s comment contained, noting, “It’s a hugely private matter.” It’s too bad Kate’s plan didn’t also include preparing for her new duties.
By all accounts, Kate was calm and composed before the wedding. According to Marina Sandoval who did Kate’s manicure for the wedding, “She didn’t display an ounce of nerves. She was just happy that the day was here at last.” Her hair stylist Richard Ward noted, “She has been remarkably relaxed from the start… Everyone else was nervous, but not Kate. She just took it all in her stride and was calming everyone else down.”
There were no pre-wedding jitters or obvious nerves getting married in front of 1,900 guests and millions watching around the world. Waity Katie who had been dubbed “Princess-in-Waiting” at Marlborough appeared triumphant about waitying no more.
Kate wore a classically pretty but somewhat underwhelming wedding dress by Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen, her wedding veil was so flat, it looked like she was wearing a stocking over her face to knock over a liquor store and the makeup which Kate did herself reminded me of the similarly heavy-handed application of a transvestite hooker who once told me that my outfit was fierce.
The 20 foot maple trees that decorated Westminster Abbey in hindsight feel like a prelude to the massive amount of privacy trees planted at Anmer Hall but at the time they just seemed ridiculous. Kate filled the abbey with British flora, her Language of Flowers vision reportedly cost £50,000.
When Kate said “I do”, she became an official representative of the UK and the monarchy, a job she appears to have had no intention of doing.
In the engagement interview, Kate stated, “I’m willing to learn quickly and work hard,” and yet in her five years since becoming a duchess, Kate has only delivered 8 short shaky speeches, gone on four royal tours and has undertaken a combined 390 engagements to date, a grand total for five years on par with what the 90-year-old Queen averages in one year (in 2014, the Queen undertook 393 engagements).
Ahead of the five year royal wedding anniversary, Ingrid Seward, editor-in-chief of Majesty magazine suggested that Kate’s dismal efforts are born from a fear she’s going to screw up royally. Seward who must be suffering from amnesia noted, “She hasn’t made any mistakes, which is extraordinary when you think of how difficult it is for her. I suppose the only mistake she’s made is that she’s probably seen not always as particularly interesting but I think she’s absolutely terrified of not doing it right.”
Really, Kate’s only short-coming is that she’s dull? Just off the top of my head, Kate’s event totals are so dismally low, last year she only accounted for 1.66% of the royal family’s workload. She’s been criticized for frequent luxury holidays, selecting more glamorous events like film premieres, Wimbledon, galas, wine tastings and ignoring ones that don’t seem to interest her, like those involving her charities that aren’t connected to Ben Ainslie. Kate’s Received Pronunciation affectation has inhibited her ability to deliver the few brief speeches she’s attempted, causing her to mispronounce the name of the charity in one and struggle with words like “palliative” in others. The occasional comments she makes at events lack substance but still are dutifully reported by the press because she offers nothing else of substance. Actual Kate official event quotes include: “And can it… can you… um… test the… the smell by smelling it?”; “It’s very shiny.”; “Oh it’s actually not bad if you were desperately hungry.”; “I like your hair.”; “I like your nails.”; “No! Oh no, is that me? Is that meant to be me? Does my hair really look like that!” (in response to a doll a girl was holding); “Oh, I know now who you are. Although it’s very strange… now you have got facial hair. Some of the people who had facial hair in the film don’t have facial hair now.” (in speaking to actor Tom Hiddleston); and most recently, when told of street children being mutilated to make money begging, she responded, “Gosh, so interesting.”
In her five years since joining the royal family, Kate has offended many by smiling, laughing, and playing with her hair during balcony appearances on Remembrance Sunday, sparking outrage in 2013 as she dreamily gazed off in the distance while twirling her hair during the solemn event. Kate being a professed hands-on mother has been offered as the reason Kate puts in the fewest event totals each year in the British Royal Family and yet Prince George is most frequently papped with his nanny. When George was seven months old, Kate had no trouble leaving him behind while she took a Maldives escape (her second luxury holiday in two months) with Prince William while her mother oversaw the shift in his care from Nanny Jessie Webb to Nanny Maria. During the Cambridge’s controversial family ski get-away earlier this year, both Prince George and Princess Charlotte were left to the care of nannies while Kate and William took to the slopes because their children are obviously too young to ski yet. Five years into being a duchess and Kate has had wardrobe malfunctions in the double digits and the Royal Flasher still has yet to undertake one single official tour without exposing herself while acting as an official representative of the United Kingdom and the British Monarchy. That doesn’t sound like the actions of a “terrified” Kate.
As it turns out, there was another wardrobe malfunction in India on the final day of the royal tour. My brain was frozen over with boredom by then and I missed it, so this is brought to you by royal watcher, Julie RocketQueen. Apparently when Kate and William were recreating the iconic Princess Diana photo at the Taj Mahal, Kate flashed her undies.
Kate’s panties were white with a four-petal flower design. My apologies for the pixelation, but I don’t feel like hunting down a high resolution image since the pattern of the panties is visible in this pic, the flower’s outline appears to be dark blue with marigold centers.
So maybe this second wardrobe malfunction is actually encouraging. After five years of duchessing, the future Queen Consort is now finally wearing underwear.
Love , Lola
SUBMITTED
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loved-you-in-secret · 7 years
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Wasn't tagged by anyone but I'm on a holiday so I have time and I felt like doing it. 1. Are you named after anyone? This is a boring answer cause no.. 2. When was the last time you cried? A couple of nights ago. Just had a rough night.. 3. Do you like your handwriting? Depends. It goes from really sloppy to nice.. 4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Probably steak.. 5. Do you have kids? No but I really want to (in like 10 years) 6. If you were a different person, would you be friends with you? Idk really. Depends on how that person is.. 7. Do you use sarcasm? Sarcasm is my middle name 8. Do you still have your tonsils? I think I do.. 9. Would you bungee jump? Hell no 10. What's your favorite cereal? Honey loops 11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them of? Only if I really have to 12. Do you think you're a strong person? No but I'm working hard on becoming one.. 13. What's your favorite ice cream? Ben and Jerry's chocolate fudge brownie 14. What's the first thing you notice about people? What they're wearing.. 15. What's your least favorite physical thing about yourself? My legs cause they're short or my eyelids cause they're hooded.. 16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? A pastel yellow dress and white shoes 17. What are you listening to right now? The crickets near my tent 18. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Either black or a pastel red.. 19. Favorite smell? Freshly mowed grass or lavender.. 20. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mom 21. Favorite sport to watch? Gymnastics 22. Hair color? Blonde brown 23. Eye color? Green 24. Do you wear contacts? Nope 25. Favorite food? I don't really have a favorite. I love a shitton of stuff.. 26. Scary movies or comedy? A combination of both 27. Last movie you watched? Doc McStuffins (my sister was watching it in the car to France..) 28. What color shirt are you wearing? Again, pale yellow dress 29. Summer or winter? Summer. I love the heat.. 30. Hugs or kisses? Depends from who 31. Book you're currently reading? Lord of Shadows, Cassandra Clare. It's absolutely amazing. 32. Who do you miss right now? @an1meaddictfan cause there's this boy here who keeps saying bruh and it reminds me of you.. 33. What's on your mouse pad? A Saint Bernards dog.. 34. What's the last program you watched? CSI. The episode with Tay 35. What is the best sound? Silence.. 36. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? Beatles cause my granddad always plays their songs on his guitar.. 37. What's te furthest you have ever traveled? Like where I am rn probably. The South of France.. 38. Do you have a special talent? My joints are really flexible cause of some medical malfunction shit. 39. Where were you born? Belgium.. I'm not tagging anyone but feel free to do it if you want to ☺
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thefoolsloop · 7 years
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SNM Shanghai - some reflections (part 2)
**(Spoilers: this post discusses changes in layout, performance and environment, though not in detail. If you want to be plunged into SNM Shanghai with absolutely no prior knowledge, or if you regard such things as a spoiler on principle, please do not read this post.)**
In part 1 I discussed how the show has developed since New York, and how my own personal reaction to it has changed positively as a result. In this part I want to talk more specifically about the changes and why I think they work well, along with a couple of things that don’t work. I also want to discuss the role played by the audience, which is certainly not a traditional Punchdrunk audience. This post may be rather long; as I write, I realise there are more and more things which have been changed (usually for the better).
A lot of thought has gone into his new production (as if PD would do it any other way). In part 1 I referenced how the experience of TDM has obviously fed into the McKinnon; it’s as if the creatives had looked at the McKittrick and thought, if we were doing this again from scratch, we’d do it this way instead. Some of the changes may have been enforced by circumstances - the design of the existing building, or perhaps the strictures of Chinese censors. Others are doubtless conscious choices.
The set has been reconfigured: in most respects it’s identical to the McKittrick, but the changes were enough that when I was let out of the lift in my first show I  couldn’t find my way down to the ballroom as quickly as I would have liked; and later in the show I missed a chunk of Fania’s Bald Witch loop because I couldn't find my way out of the fifth floor at all. Many staircases are now hidden behind doors which remain shut, and EXIT signs (green here, not red) may mark an emergency exit which is only used in a real emergency. And - particularly frustrating - most staircases only run between three or four floors.
While this makes orientation and speedy transferral from one narrative to another problematic, it does mean that some narratives have developed a smarter way of getting around; sometimes using these varying staircases to increase the audience’s sense that it has to trust the performer, rather than the space. It’s also given the designers the opportunity to introduce different designs into the staircase space, so that it becomes quickly possible to distinguish them, and also means the staircases develop a narrative of their own. (If I had enough visits I could try to determine if there’s any significance in which characters use which staircases.)
[Brief digression on a practical matter: do watch yourselves on the staircases. The stairs blend into each other, as the treads have no striped safety tape on them. I nearly turned my ankle three times, I don’t know how the performers manage.]
Rooms have of course been changed as well, though not too much. Floor orientation is familiar, but some rooms have been switched around. In many cases this makes the space work better. The bedrooms on level 3 now fall into a more logical and coherent pattern, so that the narrative flows between them more smoothly. The Macbeths’ bedroom is also reconfigured, and level 4 has undergone a transformation so that it feels more like a network of streets in an old town. There also seems a better logic to the arrangement in level 5. It’s not so much that the spaces are easier to navigate (they’re not), more that they make sense; there were things about the McKittrick’s layout which troubled me, and those troubles have been largely resolved in the McKinnon.
One area which has attracted a lot of comment is the ballroom. Yes, it’s a lot smaller. This has led some people to complain that it’s lost a sense of grandeur, but I came to like it better. The smaller space increases the inclusivity, a feeling that we too are guests at this party (I mean, there are only actually ten characters present, not counting Macbeth). We can see the faces more clearly, enjoy the interactions between characters better. And the music’s the same, so it’s not like we’re missing out on the joy of the moment. When the trees are pushed together by the witches the ‘forest’ fills the space more, increasing the sense that we’re lost in it. And in the finale our proximity to the gruesome ending magnifies the shock (at every performance, the audience’s gasp was prolonged and heartfelt; at one show there were even screams).
While the incorporation of specifically Chinese elements isn’t perhaps as overt as some might have wished for, this may be appropriate for the modern, dynamic city of Shanghai where they seem intent on erasing the past. Nevertheless, Chinese writing abounds (and those who can read characters should note the malfunctioning light on the corridor leading to the rep bar, which foreshadows the narrative’s end) - this is one respect in which local audiences have the edge over overseas enthusiasts.
Speaking of local audiences, it’s true that there’s a lot more pushing and shoving in Shanghai. This isn’t rudeness or inconsiderateness, it’s just a cultural thing. Shanghai is the world’s biggest city, space is at a premium. People are used to being crammed in together. If you see space, you fight to get to it. You don’t move out of the way for someone because you might not get that space back. So it’s no surprise that audiences bring this mentality into the show. One of the cast told me that people are so glued to their phones (this, I observed, is true) that they’re accustomed to having entertainment six inches from their noses. While this may be slightly unfair, it illustrates the different approach to personal space that you’ll find in the McKinnon. As a relatively tall and bulky person I was at an advantage throughout, but it does mean that there’s more of a dog-eat-dog mentality required and I found myself becoming more assertive in response. When I realised I was treading on the heels, several times, of a tiny Chinese woman who was following Miranda’s Nurse from a distance of maybe five centimetres, I simply continued to tread on her - not deliberately, you understand, but I was less cautious than I would have been in the West. And she didn't complain - this must happen to her all the time.
Ben and Omar related the story of how one night the room they were performing got so full of people that they could no longer see each other to continue their dialogue. I didn’t witness anything quite as extreme as this, but the performers are having to find ways to work around this challenge, which must sometimes put their safety in danger - imagine executing a fine leap and finding someone has moved into the space which you had targeted for landing... The black masks are actually quite good at preventing problems, but occasionally find themselves up against an unmovable wall of humanity.
Woah, there! Did you say “dialogue”? Yes, I did. The addition of dialogue (not sure it has official blessing) outside of the 1:1s will offend the purists, but in my view greatly enriches parts of the narrative. Most of it is indistinct and whispered, and it’s nowhere near the scale of Drowned Man, but at times it helps to flesh out the action and there are moments when it brings a levity and pleasure which was always one of my gripes with the McKittrick (all that sex, death and doom... someone tell a joke, for God’s sake). As I say, there are people for whom this will be heresy - but it’s not overdone by any means, and only English-speakers who already know the story will get the in-jokes.
[Another brief digression: in case anyone’s wondering, the English-speaking cast speak English in the 1:1s and the Chinese-speaking cast speak Chinese. The Man and Woman in Bar speak both, really rather well. Lift introductions are in Chinese, but there’s an alternative option for English-speakers. I apologise if this is too much of a spoiler, but I don’t think our brilliant friends’ many talents extend to mastering Mandarin in three months.]
Which brings me onto the subject of 1:1s. These have also been juggled around - one or two characters have more, one or two have fewer, but the overall number remains (I think) the same. Some of the reallocations actually make more sense in context than they do in New York. While it’s fair to say that one or two of the better 1:1s from the McKittrick have diminished in quality or simply disappeared altogether, most are retained (including the sixth floor, the best of all) and there are some new ones. Timing has often altered completely, so anyone going into the show expecting to know exactly when to turn up and hit the spot for selection will be disappointed. This much is probably what everyone expected.
What I found, in addition, is that westerners are sometimes favoured for 1:1s, or this is the impression given. Certainly my strike rate was much higher than I would normally have expected. This is doubtless partly because I knew the performers in question (in all cases but two), but also because as visitors familiar with the Punchdrunk format we’re primed to be “1:1 ready”. We can tell when a performer is heading for a locked door long before that door comes into view. In conversation post-show with the cast, it was revealed that they do feel an inclination to reward people for showing the dedication and loyalty to fly thousands of miles to see the production. However, they’re conscious that this can’t always be the case because it’s not fair on Chinese visitors who may only go for one performance. Since the western cast will gradually leave the production and be replaced by local performers, this should be an issue which resolves itself over time.
I ought to say a word about the Chinese cast; they’re not in the majority at the moment, but the performers who have been selected are first-rate. A few of the women in particular (I would single out Lee Wen Hsin, Shen Ni and Tang Tingting) are strikingly powerful and communicative performers. Apparently they all needed a bit of schooling in the Punchdrunk Way of Doing Things, but they seem to have adapted well now that the production has bedded in.
Music is largely unchanged, which comes as a relief. I did think there was a reduction in the use of those horribly twee Jack Buchanan songs, but I’d have to spend more time there to be sure of this. One major omission, and I don’t think this is a secret any more, is the disappearance of ‘Is That All There Is?’. When I first heard this had been dropped (and in favour of a much more over-familiar number), I was infuriated - how could they discard one of the most compelling moments in the whole of SNM? Well, I didn’t follow Boy Witch at all, so I can’t comment on how things have changed there, but on the Hecate side the alteration comes in a new scene in which the new song is entirely appropriate - and the scene itself is powerful and jaw-dropping. So I have forgiven them. Just about.
I have a miserable sense of smell, the consequence of lifelong sinusitis, possibly exacerbated by my neurosurgery, so I have to leave it to other people to comment on changes in the use of scent. I did notice that Speakeasy’s bar stinks way more than in New York, and the stench of antiseptic in the hospital now more closely resembles the Doctor’s room in TDM.
Overall I believe the changes from SNM New York to SNM Shanghai have strengthened the production. They have increased the contrast between light and dark; they have fleshed out the story of some characters who were maybe under-used or under-valued in New York; they have made all five floors worth spending time on equally; they have made things easier for the audience (in a good way); and while I may mourn the loss of individual elements (the Nurse’s window dance, Lady Macduff’s music box soundtrack), the new narrative and changes to other scenes and characters have ensured this production is worth seeing in its own right, even if you’re familiar and happy with New York. This isn't SNM, this is SNM+TDM - I can’t say how much that will continue after the TDM performers leave, but I’m sure it will morph into a production with an even more specific Chinese flavour, and that might work in ways we cannot imagine.
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