#besides no one loves crimm but me

[gruvu]

Tomorrow is treat yourself day so I treated myself early to just an impluslve flat doodle of Crimm. Gave him that thing that I do is dance terribly as I have my ear buds up completely.  Also.. He is wearing these, just want people to know.

[bugsbutch]

whatever happens tonight, tedtrent nation... i loved our chats 🫡 and listen, we were not delusional, only hopeful for a story that would make perfect sense, be compelling and fit within the themes of the show, so let's not put ourselves down

that said... yes, this little thing i wrote is just pure self-indulgent romcommunism, not how i actually think/hope the show might end

transcript under the cut

INT. NELSON ROAD - PRESS ROOM

We see journalists filing out after a press event. At the front of the room, standees advertising Trent Crimm’s new book: “The Lasso Way”.

INT. NELSON ROAD - AN UNIDENTIFIED ROOM - CONTINUOUS

TRENT CRIMM is decompressing playing with a fidget toy. An ASSISTANT from his publishing company enters.

TRENT

God, I loathe being on this side of the press room.

ASSISTANT

I'm sorry, Mr. Crimm, but there's one more person who wants to ask you a question.

TRENT

Absolutely not, I’m done talking to the press. I am not fielding yet another “Why did Ted Lasso leave for Kansas so suddenly?”

The Assistant sighs like someone who got roped into participating in some stranger’s corny joke.

ASSISTANT

He told me to tell you he's from Horse & Hound.

TRENT

I don't-

Trent freezes as he recognises the reference to Notting Hill. He frowns. Surely not…?

ASSISTANT (O.S.)

He's waiting in the press room.

But Trent is already leaving the room in a hurry.

INT. NELSON ROAD - PRESS ROOM - CONTINUOUS

TED LASSO is sitting in the empty room in Trent's old spot, looking down at the book in his hands. We hear the door click. 

TRENT

(softly)

Ted.

Ted looks up and smiles. His hand shoots up in the air. 

TED

Oh! Mr. Crimm! Here!

Trent ducks his head with a smile, instantly disarmed, and plays along. He sits at the table.

TRENT

Yes, the gentleman in the second row. I like your moustache.

Ted stands up.

TED

(a little flustered)

Oh, thank you, sir. Ted Lasso, Horse & Hound. So do I have this right: shortly after meeting this clueless American, you upended your personal life, and later blew up your whole career for him as well, then proceeded to follow him for a year writing a book, after which he suddenly left with a sorry excuse of a goodbye. And that guy only realized what it all meant to you, and… and what you meant to him, after he read the dedication you wrote in this book that you sent to him.

TRENT

Have you got a question in there, Ted?

TED

Yeah...

(a little nervous, but smiling)

Can I take you out to dinner, Trent?

TRENT

(matching Ted’s smile)

Yes you can, Ted.

A romantic song starts playing. They keep smiling at each other like they’re the only two people in the room (and they are, but that’s besides the point).

FIN.

[itsclydebitches]

ok ok ok but imagine trent's daughter, Phoebe and Henry, on a playdate or exploring stadium together? Like how have these kiddos not become friends??

YOU'RE SO RIGHT, ANON.

Headcanon time:

During a weekend training Henry is visiting again, Roy's sister is sick so he's justifying the Best Uncle award Phoebe gave him last year (it's very glittery), and Trent's babysitter unexpectedly bailed. So they all trail into work with kids that day and Rebecca is like, "Excuse me this is not a fucking daycare."

She says this while giving them all a kiss.

Pheobe: "That's a bad word, Ms. Welton, you owe me a pound."

Henry and Phoebe immediately race outside to play with the team but Trent's daughter, who is both younger and has never played football before, is just the shiest little bean about joining in. Trent, expert in anxious parenting, is prepared to run damage control with her favorite coloring books but Ted holds him back and within ten minutes Phoebe is showing her the ropes while Henry is Very Seriously working to tie her hair back for her.

Henry: "Excuse me, Mr. Independent sir, but can I borrow another hair-tie?"

Trent: "... how do you know my name?"

Trent, internally: Wait. Mr. Independent isn't my name??

Trent, with shorter hair than in Season 2: "Never mind that. How do you know I have hair-ties?"

Henry, answering both questions: "Daddy."

[Trent.exe has stopped working]

Rebecca, shouting across the pitch: "Give her pigtails, Henry! There you go!"

So the crimmlet learns some football and Trent, after recovering from his Omg Ted Talks About Me to His Son panic almost sorta kinda cries about it. By this point the himbos are absolutely in love with the trio and would die for them, no hesitation. (Dani actually says this, which is mildly alarming for the kids). After some super secret techniques are shared -- Phoebe: "This is how you kick the ball into someone's face. Uncle Ted loves it!" -- they all decide that they should probably get some actual training done. Besides, Henry just brought up the West Ham game he went to and... uh...

Yeah. Best to scoot them on out of there. Unconditional love doesn't trump hatred of West Ham, unfortunately.

The stadium houses a team of pro athletes and a massive staff of sleep-deprived professionals, meaning that there's plenty of food to go around for lunch. Ted (childhood personified) and Trent (a domestic mess post-divorce) are both happy to let the kids pig out on snacks. A growled "Fuck that" from Roy sends them off to the kitchen downstairs.

Do stadiums have kitchens? No idea. Probably not. This one does!

Trent, carryout aficionado: "So... does anyone know how to cook?"

Roy: "Do I fucking look like I have time to cook?"

Trent: "This was your idea."

Roy: "Shut up."

Ted: "Hmm. I'm afraid I'm more of a baking man myself."

The kids have been sitting at the counter, heads ping-ponging back and forth as they watch their three guardians fail the basic task of feeding them. Luckily for their faith in adults, it's about this moment that the crimmlet remembers that this is Ted.

Biscuit Ted.

Did you know that Trent Crimm used to be in a band? A metal band? That for six months in college he rebelled in the only way he knew how - artistically - and screamed everything he was keeping bottled up inside until he learned to purge himself through vicious prose instead?

His daughter inherited his lungs.

A six-year-old's high-pitched screaming + the reverberation of a primarily metal space = Significant Pain. Ted's, "Holy moly, Ms. Banshee!" is barely audible and Roy just nopes out of the situation without a shred of guilt. Phoebe and Henry -- immune to loud noises in the way only children can be -- exchange a A Look over the top of the crimmlet's head. Because she's screaming for the biscuits Ted gives her every week.

Henry hasn't had his Dad's cookies in six months.

Phoebe hasn't had them at all.

Now the screaming is joined by Very Indignant Yelling.

Trent: "Ted just make them some fucking biscuits."

Ted: "Right because that's healthier than the vending machines!?"

But one sugary meal is worth saving their eardrums, so.

There's an immediate change in tune when Ted asks who's gonna help him lick the bowl. Instant peace. Baking with three kids is messy, to put it mildly, and Ted isn't entirely sure how flour got into Trent's hair, but it definitely has more white streaks in it than it did this morning. Without thinking, he reaches up to smooth some of the flour away, fingers dragging gently through a lock and brushing his cheek in the process.

[Trent.exe has stopped working x2]

Crimmlet, tugging his pantleg with little flour handprints: "Daddy can the biscuit man stay forever?"

Trent, voice strangled: "... sure, honey."

Higgins pops in to find an absolute disaster of a kitchen and the normally unruffled Trent with cheeks the color of maraschino cherries (what's that about?). After getting caught up on events -- what they're willing to admit to, anyway -- he gently informs them that he could have fixed the kids a meal not made out of sugar and butter. Ah well. Too late now.

Higgins: "Also, Ted, shouldn't you be coaching the boys?"

Ted: "I'm sure Beard has it well in hand."

[Hard cut to the team seated semi-circle around Beard. He's lecturing on the drugs they can take without tanking their careers. Many are taking notes.]

The one good thing about a sugar high is that the crash comes right afterwards. Pheobe managed to get the crimmlet on her shoulders and the three of them raced off to explore the stadium, burning with short-term energy. Trent is mildly concerned about them sneaking out, but Ted reassures him that there's security at every exit. You know, to keep any... uh...

Trent: Press out?

Ted: Not all the press.

Trent: Oh, so I'm an exception am I?

Higgins, still standing there, forgotten, thinking about the book Trent is writing and how yes, he's literally an exception??

Ted: Trent Crimm you are not only an exception, you are exceptional.

[Trent.exe has stopped working x3]

Higgins, internally: OHHHHHHHHH

Later, there is a brief moment of panic when they can't find the kids -- Roy: "Don't worry. I once lost Phoebe and she turned up in my neighbor's bathtub with a new haircut." Ted: "Huh. That there's a story for another time." -- but Will ushers them quietly into the storeroom where they're piled like puppies on a bed of clean laundry, fast asleep. Ted snaps a picture and immediately sends it to the Richmond group chat. The himbos all come running to see the wholesomeness for themselves.

Will, whispering: They're so cute!! ... wait, now I need to do the laundry again :(((

Dani: No. Do not. Their beautiful, sleepy essence will help us win games.

Will: ... weird, but alright.

Henry's getting a little big for this now, but Ted manages to lift him bridle style and gently presses a kiss into his hair. Trent tenderly picks his little girl up, hand cradling her curls.

Roy slings Phoebe over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. She doesn't stir.

Rebecca sternly tells them that they're never to do this again, but also if she doesn't see the trio soon they'll regret it. Here's the ten pounds I owe Phoebe. Also there had better be some biscuits left, Ted.

Henry only wakes when they're back at the apartment, Beard flipping through nature documentaries while Ted kicks his legs up into his lap. Henry squeezes between the two of them.

Ted: "You have fun today, kiddo?"

Henry: "Uh huh."

Ted: "Hey, what's Trent's daughter's name anyway?"

Henry: "Oh... I never asked."

Beard tuts. "Why you wanna know so bad?"

Ted: "I just figure I should know his kid's name before I ask him out."

[Trent, twelve miles West, suddenly and without any warning getting hit with an absolute fuckton of feelings]:

[ghostvibesonly]

So Ted Lasso is my current hyperfixation and I need to talk about this or I will explode (sorry it’s the tism/Trent Crimm kinnie in me).

This entire final season we’re being led to believe Ted will be returning back to America at the end of the series.

But why would he do that? Ted has found a family in Richmond. He’s found a place where he finally belongs and where he can make a difference. Going back to Kansas would only be worse for his mental health.

This entire season he’s mentioned multiple times how he feels like he doesn’t belong. That he doesn’t know why he’s still in England. But I believe with Total Football will come a realization as to why he’s there. And I think Trent’s ramblings at the end of the most recent episode (and possibly Trent himself) will help Ted greatly.

This show is all about subverting expectations. Why do we think Ted will go back home? Because that’s the expected ending. What else is there in Kansas waiting for him besides loneliness and isolation?

Henry, his son.

Ted loves his son with all his being. He also misses him incredibly. We expect that he’ll return to America to be with Henry.

However, the first shot of every season is a direct parallel to its final shot. For example, season 2 starts with a closeup shot of Nate that pans back to show him with the rest of the coaches happily cheering for Richmond. The end of season closes with Nate now manager at WestHam, walking towards the camera with a smug look.

The creators of the show know what they’re doing. Everything placed, every choice made, every character behavior or interaction is purposeful. There is intent behind everything.

At the beginning of season 3, Henry left Ted and England behind to go back to America. Who’s to say the show doesn’t end with him coming back to live with Ted? (Especially with the hints that he isn’t doing too well in America either, what with the bullying incident)

Maybe I’m putting my tinfoil hat on and hoping Ted doesn’t leave Richmond (god knows I already have my clown makeup on for Tedependent). Maybe it’s the hope that ends up killing me. But Ted Lasso is a show that will do things no one expects. The hope might kill me, but god it’s fun to clown until the end

[221b-sociopath-street]

#ted lasso for dummies

01×01 Pilot

00:00:56 'But it's Hockney!'*

*David Hockney is one of the most influential British artists 🎨 of XX century. Known by his contribution to the pop art movement of the 60's.

As cliche as it is, the work of art that Rebecca and Higgins refers to is called 'Football Player'. And in real life it was sold for £22,500.

00:02:20 'Liam and Noel. Though, perhaps not an Oasis.'*

*It is impossible to imagine Britain and its culture without one of the biggest and most acclaimed bands of the 90's. Oasis is a quintessence of most hated and beloved band. Alcohol, drugs, canceled gigs, bad press, accusations of imitating the work of other musicians, rivalry between brothers and the boundless love of the fans - it's all about Oasis. So, maybe comparison made by Rebecca between George Cartrick's testicles and Liam/Noel Gallagher of Oasis is a pointer to beef (rivalry) history of latter.

00:04:04 'Jack Kerouac. The Dharma Bums'*

*The Dharma Bums is a 1958 novel by Beat Generation author Jack Kerouac. Description of mountain climbing, cycling, hitchhiking, poetry readings, jazz drunk parties is done through the prism of Buddhism. So maybe it makes sense: Ted and his philosophy of life and work?!

00:06:58 'Okay. That's Tower Bridge. Right. Not the London Bridge, because this one is still up'.

*For me as a foreigner it's a bit confusing?! Is it a reference to Operation London Bridge - the funeral plan for Queen Elizabeth II created in 60's, where the phrase 'London Bridge is down' is like signal of Queen's death to the PM and others, setting the plan into motion? Or is it like some touristy stuff?

00:08:39 'Y'all got Nathan's hot dogs 🌭 here?'*

* An American company that operates a chain of fast-food restaurant's  specializing in hot dogs. There are some restaurants in GB, but Nates lack of knowledge about them msybe suggests their unpopularity.

00:13:22 'Trent Crimm, The Independent.'*

* The Independent during 1986-2016 British print newspaper, nowadays - online newspaper. And it is owned by representative of the terrorist country and ex kgb agent 😵

00:18:57 'Wales. Is that another country?'*

*Yeap, Wales is a country (with it's own capital Cardiff) that is a part of another country - 🇬🇧 . Besides it UK consists of: England, Scotland and Northern Ireland.

00:19:03 'It's kinda like America these days.'*

*Perhaps Ted is equating the countries within the UK to states in America OR is taking about sovereign states and dependent territories in the Americas(such as Canada, Brazil, Cuba and other)?!

00:19:25 'And am I getting notes of Axe body spray?'*

*If you are a man and you forget your body spray while traveling from the USA to GB, remember: AXE=LYNX 🤣

00:20:07 'Last time I saw eyes that cold, they were going head-to-head with Roy Scheider. Jaws? No, All that jazz.'

* Jaws and All That Jazz are among seven Scheider movies that are considered classics. And it's all known fact that he was really great performer, who knew how to hold the audience's attention both in the role of a shark-hunting sheriff and in the role of theater director/choreographer who was alcoholic, a driven workaholic and a womanizer .

00:22:29 'Never thought it would end being coached by Ronald fucking McDonald'*

*Ronald McDonald is a mascot of the McDonald's fast-food restaurant chain. 

I remember my first time at McDonald's and that creepy as fuck statue of clown, thank fucking God he is not around anymore in UA restaurants.

00:24:48 'Well, I hope you never run into Biz Markie.'*

*We share your sentiment Ted. It is really bad. Biz Markie, was an American rapper and singer. Sometimes was referred to as the "Clown Prince of Hip Hop". Fellas, it is all we need to know.

Part 2

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Is Trent Crimm deeply disappointed that he missed the whole locker room scene where the team airs their “stop hogging Jamie” grievances or deeply relieved? On the one hand, reporter instincts for a good story, on the other hand his own morals would never let him put it I the book, massive (reporter/writer) blue balls.

re: Jamie Hogging Ask- some days ago on the Colin/Jamie post, you mentioned that you'd daydreamed out a bit of an AU where Jamie ended up dating a whole section of the team on some sort of rotation schedule. I assume that there was some dramatic locker room scene where they all hashed out that they felt it was unfair that only Colin on the team got to date him. I assume Trent was no longer hanging around the locker rooms at this point (but who knows, he may be a fixture now. also it could be mid season 3 when this all goes down, idk). But he still has the instinct to know when a really good/interesting story is around. On the one hand, he knows his conscience won't let him publish the level of ridiculousness that Richmond can sink to. On the other hand, it would be really really funny to write a whole chapter on the way that this was negotiated out, and also that a google calendar/groupchat was created specifically for coordinating who gets to monopolize Jamie and when.

Ooh, love the way you think, nonny!

If Trent weren’t around for all that he’d be massively disappointed, I think. Yes, as a (former) journalist he’s driven to share the truth, but I think he’s even more driven to know the truth. He can keep quiet when he has to – see: Colin kissing Michael – but realizing he’s missed out on Something Good? Ah, no, that’ll drive him nuts.

But now that you’ve suggested it, I am convinced he was there. Admittedly, in my head this whole thing goes down quite some time after the S3 finale, but that’s not a problem! Even though the book’s both written and published, I’m sure Trent finds plenty of reasons to stop by Nelson Road for a visit. He’s a Diamon Dog now, right? Gotta drop in for the weekly barking session! (Ted Zooms in sometimes, which is always a treat.) Besides, Trent grew very fond of the whole team while he was there, and though he gets most of the gossip from Colin – they obviously stay in touch, Trent knows all about the Jamie situation – he still wants to hear the coaches’ takes on everything that goes on, hang out with the rest of the lads for a bit. So, yeah, he’s there.

I think he might write the chapter, actually – knowing full well he can’t ever publish it, but needing to put it down even so. Get it out of his system, somehow. Also, it gives him a chance to indulge in all the (affectionate!) sarcastic and wry little comments he dutifully left out of the actual book!

Say Trent’s showed up one morning before practise while everyone’s getting changed and let’s say Roy shows up with Jamie and sort of hand him over to Colin and Colin and Jamie start enthusiastically making plans for the evening and maybe it’s Jan Maas who notes that “It’s not actually fair Roy and Colin both get to date Jamie when no one else does.”

As Roy stares at him incredulously and Dani pipes up. “I agree with Jan. It makes me happy to see you together, but it also makes me sad”, Trent’s spidersense is not only tingling but absolutely exploding and he discreetly pulls out his notebook and start jotting things down as fas as he can while the room unravels before his very eyes:

JT says he’s willing to date anyone who wants to date him, if OK with RK, KJ & CH. They are.

Explicitly wants in: Jan Maas, Dani Rojas, Jeff Goodman, Paul Reynolds, Bhargava, Sasha Kukoč.

Suspect might want in but didn’t say: Potentially everybody but Sam, but especially Arlo Dixon and Martin de Maat.  

Bumbercatch volunteers to sort out a calender & group chat bc better if it’s someone who doesn’t want to date Jamie, make sure it’s fair.

CH pleased MB doesn’t want to date JT?

McAdoo claims first date even though he doesn’t actually want to date Jamie, bc his right & duty as captain to make sure it’s ok for everyone else. JT: “What? The fuck do you mean, why wouldn’t it be ok?” IM: “I’m the captain, and I say this is happening.” JT: “Fine, but you’re taking me somewhere fancy and you’re paying.” IM: “Just to be clear, we’re not having sex.” JT: “This is the worst date I’ve ever been on and we haven’t even been yet.”

JT questions why Sam doesn’t want in on the schedule and seems offended on principal when SO explains that JT is his best friend and not some one he wants to date. JT pouts until SO offers to take him out on friend dates.

Cockburn also wants to go on friend dates with JT.

Brief but heated discussion if friend dates & boyfriend dates should be different schedueles and if it’s OK to sign up for both. CH’s attempts to question how friend dates is different from just being friend and hanging out from time to time is shut down.

Tom O’Brien wants to know if he can sign up for a date with Jamie, Keeley and Roy. RK stares at him for 1 good minute before saying “No.”

Discussion about the etiquette of not wearing Jamie out if he’s scheduled to have another date soon after your date with him.

JG: But we don’t have to check in with everyone else if we want to sleep with him, right? RK: You better fucking check in with him. B: I don’t think I want to know what anyone else is doing. JM: Yeah, that’d be weird. JT: I don’t think anyone else should get to decide if I have sex with someone or not. RK: *clears his throat meaningfully* JT: I mean, as long as Roy and Keeley and Colin don’t mind.

That’s just the first page of Trent’s notes, btw, they go on for like four more, practice is delayed by at least an hour. Keeley follows the whole thing on video call (obvs they had to run it by her before handing Jamie out to everyone who wants a piece). Rebecca stops by, blinks once and then nopes the hell out of this madness. Nate wonder if he ought to sign up for a date with Jamie, if everyone else is doing it, but he doesn’t think Jade would approve.

Colin can’t quite let go of the notion that maybe this means he could date Bumbercatch, Roy questions his sanity every other second, and Jamie is living his best life (and is delighting in the fact that the next time he sees Roy and Keeley, they are going to make very sure Jamie knows where he ultimately belongs).

[andiover]

Ted Lasso Wish List for S3E9-E12

(In no particular order)

Phoebe: I’ll be happy to see her again at all, but I want her adopt Jamie as her new cousin. We all know he would absolutely slay at Princess and Dragon.

Dump Jane, Coach!: For good. Even if it’s offscreen and mentioned in passing.

Trent Crimm’s Daughter: Now, please. I need to see AFC Richmond turning into a bunch of softies like they do for Henry.

Colin and Isaac BFFs: I am still beside myself over E8. If they break up as friends for good, I will have no faith left in humanity. My darling fashion-challenged boys, get your shit together and fix this.

Jamie’s Mum: I don’t even need to see her on screen - just assure me she did everything she could to kick James Sr to the curb, keep her kid as far away from him as she was legally allowed, and tell me her fate.

More Bumbercatch: That chaotic little gremlin has said the wildest shit in passing this season and I never want it to end.

Roy’s Sister.: Even if it’s just once, to make a cheeky joke at Roy’s expense, I need to meet her.

Dump Jack, Keeley!: She treats Keeley like a pet or a novelty, not a partner or a person. She doesn’t even trust Keeley to hire her own office staff or write her own PR statement.

A Full Pack of Diamond Dogs: Ted, Beard, Higgins, Trent, and Roy, not just occasionally swearing from his office, but talking about his actual feeling.

Will someone please tell Jamie why he was really sent back to Man City?: They don’t even need to be specific - just let that poor boy know his coaches/dads really did want him around and it wasn’t his fault.

Rebecca gets to be a mum.: I don’t care if Sassy dies and she ends up with Nora or she hooks up with Ted and becomes Henry’s bonus mum or adopts an orphan or just figures out she already has a couple dozen very sweet, very dim sons - give my girl her one true wish.

Dump Dr Jacob, Michelle!: I don’t care that she’s got a boyfriend, but I very much care he was her ex-therapist. Your man is deeply unethical at best and creepy and malicious at worst.

The Family Higgins!: Even if it’s just Julie that makes a return, I’ll be happy to see any and all of their lovely faces.

Miscellaneous Himbo Shenanigans: All specific himbo-related requests are listed above. I just want as much of our sweet summer children being good friends and ridiculous humans as we can get.

And, the one which absolutely will not happen, but God I’d love it:

Bex gets West Ham in the divorce.: Series ends with her redecorating Rupert’s office just like Rebecca did is S1E1.

[electric-rabbits]

now that I've seen the Colin episode I gotta say: Love love love that queerness will be an integral part of Ted Lasso's last season, and I don't think for a second Colin will be the only character to have that.

Now, I could talk about Trent Crimm but I'm in the Trent Crimm website and I don't think I need to defend a fucking thesis statement to get ppl behind the idea of him being queer; but I also know that a lot of ppl here think Ted himself will have his moment. And I'd love that so much, don't get me wrong, I'm all in for middle aged gay love and I've read my fair share of Tedtrent fics. Besides, knowing Michelle's starting a new relationship, this might be a nice moment for Ted to explorehis options, since they were together for so long. But tbh my little ears, trained by years of queercoding, don't buzz at all when i see his scenes.

Do you know who gets then buzzing like crazy? The one, the only, mr. Lil bitch himself: Jamie Tart. To me that's a bisexual man who was plagued by his piece of shit father and his notion of toxic masculinity for so long that he's only now becoming comfortable with himself enough to even question his straightness.

[time-is-restored]

WIP GAME

(aka my wips are eating me out of house and home for the love of god someone Help Me-)

tagged by @/trentcrimminallybeautiful! if ur seeing this and you'd like to join in, then consider this me tagging you, too!

Rules: in a new post w/ rules attached, post up to five (5) filenames of your WIP’s; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write three sentences in that file. If the file name is one you can’t share (for example, an event fic), write three sentences on it anyway, and then write three more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join, or just post.

so, five most recent file names:

TRENT: KILL (Ted Lasso)

BEARD AND [redacted] GET RUSSIAN DOLL-ED (Ted Lasso)

Trent Crimm Analysis Shit (Ted Lasso)

Stage play Dream Sacrifice (Ted Lasso)

fucked up and evil persona bad end (Persona 5 Royal)

would love to say this is the totality of my TL wips but actually the fourth file has like. a good ten or so snippets from other concepts + scenes also floating around in there so unfortunately i just Live Like This. trent crimm becoming a regular did something irreversible to my brain </3

and here's the snippet, from the second WIP!

Ted gasps again. Beard ignores him. So, apparently, does Roy. “Alright. What the fuck’s code blue, then? ‘S’at for Man City or something?”

Several undignified seconds pass where Beard cannot fathom why Roy would possibly think he was talking to him about football. 

“...What? No. Code Blue- Coach,” he looks behind him, throws some appropriately befuddled eyebrow movements in his direction, “how does he not know about Code Blue?” 

Ted tilts his head to the side. He’s smiling, and doesn’t look the least bit thrown. Fucking improv practice. “Probably because it’s a code you and I came up with on our lonesomes, and we’ve yet to pen any manifestos espousing its utility to the masses?” 

Beard takes a moment to process that. “Yeah, okay.” Swings back round to Roy. Lowers his hand, which is still tired from the rowing, and folds his arms across his chest. “Code Blue’s our ‘no questions asked’ code.” 

“For when you’ve just witnessed the start of a zombie apocalypse, or an alien invasion- anything that’d have your buddy looking for hidden cameras, otherwise.” Ted chimes in, diligently steering Roy’s attention back to him. Beard passingly wonders what his plans are for unscrewing Beard’s professional reputation. Knowing him, it almost certainly involves too much whisking. Fucking Lasso. “Cuts out any time wasted with the whole ‘aw, honey, I’m sure it was just a trick of the light’ routine - which is patronising as all get out as far as counter-arguments go, so I’d like to think our attempts at debunks would be little more nuanced either way- but that’s besides the point.”

“There’s a point?” Roy says, eyebrows creeping even higher. 

“Sure!” Ted says, cheerily. “The point in question: if someone calls Code Blue, you don’t argue. It’s sacred.” There’s a pause. “Hey, wait a minute, that first bit rhymed!” 

“No questions asked,” Beard cuts in before Ted can start work-shopping a couplet, nodding once, firmly.

“No! Questions! Asked!” Ted echoes, punctuating each word with an enthusiastic rap on his desk. 

[sperastella]

Thank you @virtie333 for the tag! List 5 things that make you happy, then tag the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. learn to know your mutuals and followers.(ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

My morning gym routine. I know it sounds crazy, but my favorite part of my day is waking up at 5am to go to the gym, shower, eat a real breakfast, and generally chill before my day begins. It's become a cathartic ritual for me and one I cannot live without.

Family dinners. I come from an Italian family and while my extended family isn't as close as we were when I was younger, I do try to have dinner with my parents and siblings at least once a week. We all try to pitch into the dinner too, bringing sides, main courses, desserts, etc to keep it interesting.

My TV Shows. I admit, I'm a TV addict. I'm always on the lookout for TV shows that I can get lost in. A few of my recent favorites have been Mandalorian (obviously), Slow Horses (Apple TV+), 1923 (Paramount+), The Recruit (Netflix), and The Night Agent (Netflix). In case you can't tell, I've been on a bit of a spy/espionage kick. Now that the Last of Us is over that might be next on my list to binge. 😃

Video Games. Besides TV, I'm also a big gamer. I love narrative games and I'm so excited for two big releases coming later this year - Star Wars: Jedi Survivor and Final Fantasy XVI. I adored Fallen Order (preparing for Survivor with another playthrough) and I've been a huge Final Fantasy nerd for over two decades going back to my first time playing Final Fantasy 7.

Topical YouTube Creators. I'm a knowledge buff. I like learning about all sorts of different topics going on in the world and those of particular interest to me. As a result, I follow a number of really interesting political, economic, mental health, and news-based channels. Some of my favorites include Wendover Productions, Johnny Harris, RealLifeLore, Healthy Gamer, and Second Thought.

No pressure tags: @marieziffer @pcedamercn @omgbarbiegurl @crimm-trent @reyskywalker328 @starlight-and-seafire @lunapascal @bluephoenix1347 @soloorganaas @straight-outta-kirkwall

[survivoirs]

@trcntcrimm -“let me walk you down to your car.” In true Ted fashion, there would no doubt be several topics of conversation before he actually got around to letting Trent leave the stadium for the night.

It was an offer that was a little strange, considering it wasn't a long walk to the carpark. It was hardly a walk at all but it wasn't like Trent was going to refuse Ted Lasso of all people. Besides, he did love their chats.

"Alright, Coach Lasso," he nodded to the door, hesitating for just a moment. "Shall we?"

Long or short, it seemed darn wrong to just send Trent out on his way on his own. "Not that you can't walk yourself on out, just fine," Ted pointed out, as more of a continuation of his own thoughts that happened to come out aloud as Ted hopped out of his desk chair. "I gotta shut off the lights as I leave and I don't much feel like walking in the dark on my own yanno? Something might jump out and get me!" Ted rambled as he shuffled around, trying to find his backpack.

"Lemme just find my backpack and in a hop, skip and a jump we'll be blowing this Popsicle stand --" Ted straightened up, seemingly having gotten too distracted by his own train of thought to remember what he was supposed to be doing "--Yanno I never did understand that one? I don't think I've ever seen a Popsicle stand. I've seen a hotdog stand. A pretzel stand. Henry and I ran a little Lemonade stand sometimes during the summer months. Did you know I make a mean fresh squeezed lemonade? I'll have to make you up some one of these days. It'll change your life Trent Crimm. -- oh yeah and of course I've seen an Ice-cream stand which of course sold Popsicles but not a Popsicle stand itself. Is that even a thing?" Ted looked over at Trent as if he were just hanging on to whatever Trent Crimm might say. Only then Ted's eyes lit up and he scrambled on over right on up to Trent to bend down and collect his backpack not a foot away from the man's feet near the side of the door.

[ao3feed-tedlasso]

the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me

https://ift.tt/6pyfwQT by enbysousa Trent turned to rest their head on Ted’s shoulder, and Ted immediately went into mother hen mode. “What’s wrong, TC?” He wrapped one arm around their shoulders and pulled them in as close as they could get. “You mean, besides the fact that it’s our honeymoon, we’re sitting on the floor of a public restroom, in a strange city, and there’s a fucking tornado outside?” Words: 2413, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Ted Lasso (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/F, F/M Characters: Ted Lasso, Trent Crimm, Henry Lasso, Trent Crimm's Daughter, ivy crimm Relationships: Trent Crimm/Ted Lasso Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Ted Lasso Stays in London, Vacation, Honeymoon, Established Relationship, married tedtrent, Crimmlet, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Mild Peril, Trans Trent Crimm, Genderfluid Trent Crimm, those arent super relevant other than pronouns but its important to me that you know them, Autistic Trent Crimm, autistic crimmlet, Parenthood, Unconventional Families, Anxiety, Murphy's Law, Tornado, Museums, Idiots in Love, Picnics, rating for language. g otherwise, fidget toys, Family Fluff, they/he pronouns for trent source https://archiveofourown.org/works/55571992 April 30, 2024 at 11:02AM

[gender-snatched]

Tell me about your show!!!

Alright so. There's this football club, right? That's basically a british soccer team because were all weird about soccer v football here. Snd they're... alright. Nothing special. And the guy who owned them was a massive dickwad (rupert for short).

So Rupert's wife (Rebecca) divorces him because hes a cheating prick, and she gets the football club (Richmond) in the divorce. And she hates his guts. She's fuming. And Richmond was the one thing he loved. So she wants to burn it to the ground.

To do this, she hires American Football coach Ted Lasso and his assistant coach Beard. These are coaches for OUR football. They don't know jackshit about THAT football.

Anyway they get there and everyone is like "hmmm. they're going to fuck it all up". Everyone calls Ted "wanker".

Here is the cast of characters you should know besides those already mentioned:

Non-footballers:

Keeley Jones: the girlfriend of one of the footballers. She's brilliant, a model but she becomes a PR agent and is canonically bisexual.

Leslie Higgins: Works for Rebecca. Used to help Rupert cheat on her but becomes a good guy very quickly (is unwilling to help Rebecca ruin the football club but does anyway). He's the only one with a healthy marriage

Trent Crimm (The Independent): A reporter who is very quick and slightly cruel

Nate Shelley: A very nervous little guy who's the kitman for the Richmond team

Footballers:

Jamie Tartt: a new upstart who's on loan from Man City. He's very full of himself because he's a very good footballer. Daddy issues. Dating Keeley (at first)

Roy Kent: an old football star. Is getting slow as he gets older and is no longer the best player. Very angry (about this and also in general). Team captain

Sam Obisanya: Footballer from Nigeria. Very positive. I just love him

Dani Rojas: A new addition to the team who is just as good as Jamie. Jamie is not happy about this

Isaac McAdoo: He's at first shitty but he grows and learns. More important later.

Colin Hughes: Also important later, also a footballer.

Other assorted footballers

So, Ted comes to Richmond and immediately starts changing almost everything. No one likes him at first but he's good at what he does.

Anyways the season goes on and they start getting better at football but also the toxic masculinity in the locker room is dipping! And that's the whole point!

So anyway the major developments of Season One are:

Jamie and Keeley break up

Jamie starts to grow a leetle bit

Everyone starts to like Ted and his "believe" message

Roy and Keeley get together!

Rupert starts dating ANOTHER Rebecca (later they get married and have a baby) (she goes by Bex)

Rebecca realizes shes being a major fucking bitch (with the help of her new best friend Keeley)

Nate is promoted to coach

Roy can no longer play and leaves the team. Isaac is new team captain

They get demoted from Premier League to the one underneath or whatever I barely know AMERICAN sports

Then Season Two rolls around. Ted Lasso is divorced now. They've been demoted.

Anyway here are our major plot points:

Keeley is employed at Richmond as PR manager

Roy is depressed and becoming a guy who talks about football

Rebecca is becoming less depressed

Nate is starting to really abuse his position as coach

Roy joins Richmond as a coach

Rebecca's anonymous Tinder rip-off date turns out to be Sam on the team, something I don't really like because she's 45-50 and he's 21 and they do play with them together as a thing for a bit

They get promoted back up!

But oh no! Nate has revealed to the press that Ted has panic attacks and now he's being ripped apart by critics

Ted knows it's Nate because Trent Crimm, The Independent reveals his anonymous source, which you are not allowed to do (he gets fired)

They get promoted up to Premier League with Nate's play

Nate tears up Ted's believe sign.

And OH FUCK Rebecca's ex husband asshole bought his own football club AND Nate is working there now

So now Season 3 (the final season) is coming out. So far we've had:

They are doing very bad. Rupert's club is doing good.

Keeley and Roy broke up because Roy doesn't like being happy

They get a famous footballer on the team! He sucks fucking ass man

Then he leaves? It's kinda unresolved and I'm actually hoping he comes back

Colin is gay!

So is Trent

Ted accidentally came up with an existing form of football that means they're winning

Keeley got a girlfriend but then she had her nudes leaked and her girlfriend was an asshole about it. Her gf was also her boss and I didn't trust her one lick (even besides being a diehard Roy/Keeley/Jamie shipper)

Nate is getting a redemption arc through love and because he doesn't hate himself anymore and he's in love

Colin got outed to Isaac, who then ignored him. But then he tried to punch a fan who said the f slur so Colin came out and it went well and everything is excellent now

Well, Isaac can't play for a while, but that means that Sam is captain so that's a win

And that's so far! I'm having a fun time! Who thought sports could be this fun.

[laiqualaurelote]

I would love a little something of either Pirate!Trent and Pirate!Ted or Club Owner!Ed and Excitable Coach!Stede.

Three weeks into his kidnapping, Captain Trent Crimm, formerly of HMS Independent, had to conclude that Ted Lasso really was the worst pirate who had ever sailed the seven seas. That he had still managed to kidnap Trent was beside the point.

“I mean, I know that raid didn’t go the way we planned it,” Ted was saying, “but all of this ain't about the booty to me, 'cause that ain't how we measure success, right?" 

“Damn it!” yelled the quartermaster, whom everyone called Beard and whose Christian name Trent had yet to figure out. “It is, Ted! It is about the booty!”

“He has a point, you know,” said Trent. 

“Thank you, random hostage whose feedback I did not ask for,” said Beard. He paused. “Why is the hostage up on deck, again?”

“I’m all for constructive criticism,” said Ted. “Trent here brings a perspective from the other side of the industry we don’t often get to hear, mainly ‘cause they’re trying to blow us to bits.”

“I can go back in the brig if you like, if this is awkward,” offered Trent.

“I mean, you really don’t have to,” said Ted.

“Um, no, he kind of fucking does,” barked Roy Kent, the bosun. “Because that’s what you do with hostages, you put them in the fucking brig or next thing you know, they’ve stuck you in the gut and nicked your dinghy and there’s you bleeding out on your own deck like an absolute knob.”

“I mean, we are miles from any shore, so it’s not like I would get very far in a dinghy,” Trent pointed out, “but, you know what, I’m just going to go lock myself in.”

It had all started because of the kidnapping of the Governor's wife. A whole swathe of the Navy had had to be sent out after her, including the Independent, which had in fact caught up with the Greyhound, and would probably have taken her too, if a Spanish frigate had not chosen that very moment to intervene. In the ensuing fracas, the Independent had been sunk and Trent left for dead, only to wake up days later to find himself under the scrutiny of the missing governor’s wife and the world’s worst pirate.

It turned out that Lady Mannion had hired some clodhopper out of Kansas to stage her kidnapping. Trent didn’t know anything about Kansas, beyond the fact that it was landlocked, which explained a lot about Ted. Trent wasn’t even sure how the Greyhound was still afloat. It probably had something to do with them having an actually decent navigator, one Nathan Shelley, whom Trent was fairly sure had been a cabin boy just last week. 

And so they sailed on, weaving across the Caribbean, conspicuously failing to take prizes along the way. The ship seemed to be funded by the considerable wealth the former Lady Mannion had absconded with, which was perhaps the real reason why the Governor had been so keen to retrieve her. (He had remarried rather quickly, to a young miss barely out one season in Nassau society.) The crew of the Greyhound did not seem inclined to murder or ransom Trent, who was mildly insulted at first, because surely he must be a hostage of some value. But all Ted did was invite him occasionally to his cabin for "chats". Trent expected interrogation or torture, but it really did seem like all Ted wanted to do was chat. On the last occasion, he had regaled a bewildered Trent with numerous fascinating facts about the migratory patterns of swifts. Trent had to admit it was the most relaxing time he had had in twenty years with the Navy, which, if he was being honest, had begun to wear on him somewhat.

Trent let himself back into the brig, which was nominally guarded by Dani Rojas. Most of the time, Trent sat around reading a book while Dani juggled knives and cheerfully sang shanties in Spanish outside. The knifework, Dani had blithely informed him when they met, was in aid of his quest to avenge the murder of his father by a six-fingered brigand, because “Revenge is life!”

“I think you’ll find, actually, that it’s the opposite,” Trent had observed.

This had given Dani pause. “You mean revenge is death?”

“I’m afraid so.”

Dani had mulled this over. “But until death happens, revenge is life!”

“Fine. Whatever floats your boat.”

Eventually Ted came down to see him. “Take a break, Dani.”

“I shall never break, capitán!”

“Right. Okay. Uh, go swab the deck or something.”

“Aye aye, capitán! You say it, I do it!”

Ted pulled up a chair outside. “First off, Trent, I’m real sorry that we’ve inconvenienced you like this.”

Trent reached for a bookmark. “This. This is why people keep saying you’re the worst pirate in the world, Ted. If all a pirate has done is inconvenience, then they’re severely underachieving.”

Ted brushed that off. “If it were up to me, we’d drop you off at the nearest port, no hard feelings.”

Trent sighed. “I’d probably get court-martialled if I went back at this point. The Navy isn't terribly forgiving, you know.”

“Darn,” said Ted, sincerely horrified. “It’s worse than I thought.”

“Never mind.” Trent flapped a hand wearily. “Just leave it.”

“But you must have a family to get back to.”

“I have a young daughter in England, who is doubtlessly profiting handsomely from my pension,” said Trent. He ignored the pang he always felt when speaking of Agatha, who must have nearly no memory of him given all the time he had spent away from her at sea. “It may in fact be in her best interests for the Royal Navy to continue to think of me as dead.” He glanced at Ted, who seemed deep in thought. “Do you have any children?”

“I got a son back in Kansas,” admitted Ted. “But I, ah. I left him to go to sea.”

“Ah,” said Trent.

“Anyway,” Ted went on, collecting himself, “I’m real glad, actually, to hear you’ll be sticking around for the next part of the plan.”

“What plan?” said Trent narrowly.

“Rebecca’s idea, really. You’ll be pleased to hear we’ll be leaving the raiding behind, since, like you've said, we ain't so great at it. Next, we’ll be taking Nassau.”

“Nassau,” repeated Trent. “The port run by her husband, the Royal Governor of the Bahamas, that Nassau.”

“Yep,” said Ted. “Rebecca sees it as, let’s just say, a Nassau-sary course of action.”

“You’re a fucking lunatic,” said Trent. “I absolutely hate it.”

Ted beamed. “No you don’t.”

“I do,” lied Trent. “But tell me more.”

(For the AU prompt game. Enormous thanks to @nandalorian for contributing Beard's first line. Also tagging @ted-lasso-au-gust in case it counts)

[wonderbreadbucky]

We're Live

Ted Lasso x F!Reader

Requested by: @cevans-is-classic "Any possibility you could summon up something with Reader being a reporter and Ted finds their questions endearing and they slowly start to develop a relationship?? Maybe something with Rebecca being like "You can't flirt on live TV, Ted." "

Description: You're a reporter for the London Times, and when your coworker transfers to a different department, you get the chance to report on the AFC Richmond games, and finally do your feature on Coach Lasso.

Word Count : 3,903 (im SORRY OKAY)

content warning: mentions of family death and drunk drivers, mentions of divorce, not angsty just exposition

(i would die for this man) ((not my gif))

The room was stirring, the AFC Richmond game ending mere minutes ago. The team had won, but just by the skin of their teeth. You hear the other reporters beside you muttering over their questions at rapid speed for when the door finally opens and the gaffer walks in. You look down at your notebook in one hand, and phone in the other, poised and ready to begin recording once you’re called upon. It wasn’t your first sports interview, especially football, but it was the first with AFC Richmond. It was hot commodity to get in on a Richmond interview, and when your colleague and dear friend switched departments, she had specifically asked for you to be given the job. So, here you sat, surrounded by so much pent up energy, it was pulsing in the air.

You glanced at your watch, and over to the door repeatedly, excited to start your first Richmond article, especially after such a win. You flicker your eyes up to the door, and stop your gaze there. You could see the handle turning, and at that, you were the first to stand when the door swung open.

The room erupted in a roar of questions, everyone fumbling over each others words, desperate to get the first say. Your own voice rang out, calling for the coaches attention. He sat at the table in front of them, sipping on his water before smiling kindly at the group. He cleared his throat before raising his own hand. We all faded off in our questions, confused.

“Now, now y’all. Everyone will get their turn. Let’s all sit and chat, yeah?” I looked around at my peers, and they all seemed confused as they nodded and sat down. I followed suit, and the last person to sit was in front of me. Mr. Trent Crimm, the man himself. Ted began to call out the reporters by name as hands shot up at the opportunity to speak. Trent Crimm stands and begins to ask his queries, a smile in his voice. He had grown fond of the Kansas Man, seeing that his kindness was not just fabrication, but genuine love for the people around him and for what he does. He nods in thanks as he sits.

Your hand goes up next, confident and hopeful. Ted’s eyebrows raised as he realized the empty seat behind Trent, he motioned for you to speak, and you stood with a smile on your face.

“I don’t think we’ve met. What’s your name, miss?” He smiles back at you.

“Y/N L/N , The Times. You’re a man of kindness, Coach Lasso, you had brought Jamie Tartt back onto the team, you had given these men the encouragement they needed, how do you believe this assisted you in the match today?” Phone held out slightly to assist in retaining his response. He smiles at this question.

“I thank you, Y/N, but I don’t believe it’s all on me. The boys on the team are to owe for the win today, they fought hard out there, and worked together, and I’m grateful for that.” You nod at this, and smile in thanks.

The rest of the interview questions went on without a hitch, your hand shooting up every time you had a question that was relevant, and he always answered you with a smile. As they finished, you were slow moving to pack up your belongings, hoping to catch a moment with the PR manager of the club. She walks in, hair swinging behind her as she clears away the paperwork on the front table, and the last of the reporters trickle into the hall. You grab your card from the pocket of your shoulder bag, and move toward her.

“Miss Jones?” She turns to you with a smile. “Hello, my name is Y/N L/N, I’m taking over for Chelsea Smith on the AFC Richmond coverage. I would love to do a feature on Coach Lasso, and dive deep on how he plans to advance back into the premier league. Here’s my card,” You hand her the card, and bring your bag higher on your shoulder. She looks at it, flipping it over to see your contact information. “Give me a call, if he’s interested.” You point at the second number on the card, your personal phone number. You smile as you turn to the door, and stop. You look back at her.

“And Miss Jones?” She looks up at you, “Thank you, you’re an inspiration. My niece… She looks up to you, and y’know what? So do I.” And with that you leave.

Keeley’s eyes mist as you leave, a smile blooming on her lips. She looks down at your card, and lets out a watery laugh. Careful of her makeup, she wipes under her eyes and makes her way to the coaches’ office. With a light knock, she walks in and greets the men.

“Keeley! What do we owe this pleasure?” Ted leans back in his chair, devoting his entire attention to the woman. She hands him the card.

“That new reporter? Y/N L/N wants to do a feature on you in the Times, and I want you to do it.”

“Oh, well, okay, any specific reason?” He looks up from the card to her.

Keeley walks over to Roy, who wraps an arm around her as hers wrap around his middle. She jumps into the short story, tearing up, stating how much it meant to her, and how much it would mean to her for Ted to do the interview. Roy tightens his arm around her slightly, kissing the crown of her head.

“Well, then I’ll do it. Of course.” Ted smiles at her.

“Great, call the second number on the card when you get a chance and you two can work out a meeting.” She walks to him, and pats his shoulder and thanks before going to her office.

---

You make your way through the streets of London later that day, your niece, Amelia, rattling on about her classes in between sips of her boba. Your parents had you later in life, and your sister had her when you were 12. She catches you up on all of the gossip around her secondary school, and you assist her where you can in advice. You pause in front of a shop as she looks at the window display, and as you sip your own drink, your phone begins to trill. Quickly swallowing, you fumble with the phone. The number is unfamiliar but you answer anyway.

“Hello?”

“Is this Y/N L/N?” A cautious voice rings through the receiver.

“This is she.”

“Hey, Miss L/N, It’s Ted Lasso over at Richmond.” Your eyes widen as you grab your niece’s attention and point to the phone.

“Coach Lasso,” Amelia’s eyes widening at the mention of her favorite football clubs coach. “How can I help you?” You step off to the side, practically vibrating in your spot. Keeley Jones actually gave her card to him, he’s actually on the phone with you. Oh my GOD.

“Keeley let me know about the feature you were wantin’ to write, and I just think it’s a fun idea. I’d love to meet for an interview.” You look to Amelia, and nod your head. She begins to go mental, silently jumping as she grabs your arm.

“Of course! Would you be able to meet, say Tuesday? I could meet you at the club, or lunch. My treat of course.”

“Let’s meet at the club, I’ll give you the nitty gritty of coaching, and we can go deeper into the grand scheme of it all over lunch then. Seem good?”

“Perfect! I’ll see you Tuesday morning then.”

“See you then, Miss L/N.” The phone beeps as he hangs up and you finally look at Amelia.

“We’re meeting on Tuesday. I’M GETTING THE FEATURE!” You both let out a squeal of delight that draws the attention of many passerbys, but all you can do is celebrate. This feature could mean big things for you. You could finally get the promotion you’ve been hoping for, even secure a permanent spot as a member of AFC Richmond’s press.

“Tell me EVERYTHING!” the young teen pulls you close, looping her arm in yours as you travel down the street, recounting the call. You can’t help but smile. This could be it.

---

Tuesday rolls around quicker than expected, but you’re prepared. You had spent the rest of the weekend working on your interview questions, spanning all from his time in Kansas, to his future plans for Richmond. You picked out an outfit, and then changed it, and then changed it again. You looked at yourself in the mirror, straightening your sweater, and the collar underneath, a light gloss added to your lips as you smoothed down your trousers.

“You can do this. This is it.” You say into the mirror, and you smile. Throwing your bag over your shoulder, the leather of the messenger bag worn and well loved. It was passed down to you, a gift from your father when you had started at the times. It was lucky, he said. You felt it held some truth now. Grabbing your wool overcoat, and slipping on your oxfords, you were out of the door. It wasn’t a long walk to the club, and thankfully the sun quelled the chill in the air enough, so you started on your way.

You walked into the club, making your way to the front desk.

“Hello! My name is-“

“Miss L/N!” The drawl of the Coach breaks through the silent halls of Richmond. You look over, and see him, hands in his pockets, sleeves rolled. You smile at him, and silently thank the receptionist. You make your way over to him, reaching out to shake his hand.

“Coach Lasso, it’s great to see you again. Thank you so much for meeting with me. And please, call me Y/N.” You shake his hand with a smile that he returns.

“It’s no problem at all! Thank you for wanting to write about me. And, you can call me Ted” He lets out a chuckle at this, hand slipping back into his pocket. He motions for you to join him as he begins to walk through the halls. You pull your notebook out as you move, poised to write anything you can use.

The day goes on, he shows you the offices, and locker rooms. He even introduces you to the team, all of them smiling at you kindly as you wave and congratulate them on their latest win. Sam Obisanya even recognizes you by name, having read one of your commentary pieces in the Times on the importance of ethical sourcing and need for environmental consciousness that you had written a year prior.

You’re shocked to say the least, hand placed over your heart to express your true gratitude. The day goes on, you sit in the stands as training goes on, taking notes on most of the things happening. You can help but watch Coach Lasso- Ted, as he leads the team. He does it in such a way that you’ve never seen before.

Having grown up in a football family, you’ve seen your fair share of matches in your time. The coaches often lead with an iron fist, taking no care in the mental health of their team members. They coached from the sidelines, yelling expletives, berating their team at the slightest fault on the pitch. But, not Ted. He joked with his team, encouraged them in ways that go deeper than just on the pitch. You admired that.

As the team left for the showers, you made your way down to the pitch. The other Coaches nodded at you in farewell as they themselves followed the team. You reciprocated, and walked up to Ted.

“Alrighty then. You ready for that lunch?” You smiled at him and nodded.

---

You take him to a small, family-owned café that your family had frequented before you started your job with the Times. You smiled at Jeanie, the little old woman behind the counter, and wave at her.

“Y/N? Is that you dear?” She hobbles around the counter, making her way to you.

“Hi Nana Jeanie.” You smile at her, meeting her halfway. She cups your face and gives you a once over.

“You have grown so much! So beautiful, dearie. I’ve been reading your work in the Times! Look!” She motions behind the counter to the cork board littered with posters and daily specials. Posted at the very top though, were cuttings of your latest works. You could cry if you weren’t working. “I save them all, y’know.”

“You will always be my number one fan, Nana.” She kisses you on the cheek before she notices Ted.

“Oi! Is that the Richmond gaffer?” She whispers, and you nod. “Hello, dearie! Please feel free to take a seat, you still drink your hot chocolate?” After you nod once again, she asks Ted for his drink order.

“Oh! Um, can I just get a water please?” and with that, she’s off. You shake your head with a grin, and turn to Ted, motioning him to follow you to your once regular booth.

“So, is that your grandma?” Ted asks when you’re settled, menu’s pulled from behind the napkin dispenser.

“No, no,” You laugh. “Nana Jeanie has been around my family since I was a little girl. We came here two, sometimes three times a week. It was a tradition. I haven’t been in about two years, not since I first got my job at the Times. It’s a part of me, y’know?” He smiles at this, and before he can comment, Jeanie comes back with your drinks.

“Extra marshmallows, and whipped cream for my dear, and a water for the gaffer. You two ready to order?” You look at Ted and he motions for you to go first. You order your usual soup, and sandwich, and Ted just asks for the same. Jeanie leaves as quickly as she came, and shouts the orders to her husband in the back, saying that it’s “For our girl, Arthur!” And you hear a faint cheer come from the back. You and Ted laugh at this, and slide back into the conversation.

You’re posed to write, and look up at him. “So, you came here from Kansas, correct?” He nods. “So, how was that?”

“It… It was hard. I left my son behind back in Kansas to come here, and I miss him every day. Facetime just isn’t the same as sitting with him at the kitchen table for breakfast, y’know?”

Throughout the rest of lunch, you ask him about his life, going deeper than just the club, asking him everything about his life from before Richmond, asking about his son, asking about his hopes for the future. At one point, you sit the pen down, and just listen to him. Ted enjoys it, being able to talk to someone new, someone who hasn’t been there since the start, someone free of biases. He can’t stop himself, feeling so comfortable with you that he off the record talks about his ex wife. You nod with a kind smile, feeling for the man as he talks about the difficulty of life. He asks you about your own life, before the Times.

You sigh and lean back. You talk about your family life, having grown up in what felt like a picture perfect family, but no one really knew what went on behind closed doors. You were technically the youngest of three, but your sister Naomi died due to a drunk driver when you were 8. It broke your family apart, your parents divorced after the tragedy, but still tried their hardest to support you and your older sister. It brought the two of you closer, despite the age gap. Not a day goes by that you don’t miss Naomi, and your sister even became a trauma surgeon in her memory. Ted gives you a soft smile, and a light pat on your hand. Conversation is easier after that. This goes throughout lunch, only pausing to eat. As the cheque comes around, he stops you before you could pull your card out, handing the appropriate notes to Jeanie, with a generous tip on top. You go to protest, but he stops you.

“You can get it next time we run into each other.” And he smiles, and you do to, but it feels different this time. These smiles are no longer just polite and mannerly, you feel a type of closeness to him now, both having shared your own vulnerabilities with each other. You both stand, and you put your coat on as Jeanie comes up.

“Now, don’t you be a stranger, dearie.” You thank her, and promise to come back with a hug. You and Ted go to leave, as your phone rings. It’s your sister. You motion to the phone, and Ted smiles, stepping away.

“Hey, Lydia, What’s up?”

“Y/N! I need you to pick up Amelia from classes for me, I just got called into a surgery and I won’t be out until late.” You can hear the running water from over the phone as she scrubs in. You let out a breath, and run your hand over your forehead.

“Yeah, of course. I got it.” You can hear beeping speed up from over the phone, and they’re yelling for her. She thanks you, and you hear her yell out for them to push medication before you hang up. Ted walks back over as you sigh.

“It was my sister. She can’t pick my niece up, she has a surgery. I have to go, I’m so sorry.” You tuck your phone into your pocket, and he waves you off.

“It’s no problem. I’ve enjoyed our talk today.” He smiles.

“So have I. I may reach out for a couple quotes in the next few days, but the feature should be out for the Sunday edition. Thank you again, Ted. For this opportunity.” You reach out a hand, and he shakes it. The touch lingers a few moments longer than usual, warmth of his palm spreading through you. You turn to leave, and feel a smile bloom across your face as he calls out to you. You turn around and he’s scratching at the back of his neck.

“Will you, uh,” he coughs. “Will you be at the press meeting after the next match?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” You smile at him.

“Great.”

---

Ted walks into Rebecca’s office later that day, still thinking about you. He looks up and is greeted by Rebecca, Keeley, and Higgins.

“Ted! How was it?” Keeley sits up from her spot on the couch.

“How was what?” asks Higgins, leaning against Rebecca’s desk.

“He did an interview with the Times today. They want to do a feature on him, a reporter had reached out and we connected it. She was here today actually.” Rebecca nods at this, sipping her tea, and Ted sits down at the corner of the sectional.

“It went well. She’s a very kind woman, Y/N asked a lot about my life before the club. She said that it was necessary for a good feature, but she was genuinely interested in hearing from me.”

“Y/N, huh? I’ve seen her work. She’s brilliant.”

“She really is…”

---

As the week goes by, you write your feature. It’s finally finished after many late nights of revision and re-revising your work, and you let out a sigh of relief as you post it to the website. It’ll be in tomorrow’s print, and you can feel a smile on your lips as you bring your wine glass to them. You quickly text the link to Ted, still grinning as you look at your texts from the previous days. He’s been checking in, seeing how you were doing, checking on how the article was going, even sending you funny gifs and emoji’s that seem to always brighten your day. Under the link, you send him the nerd emoji, and within seconds you see the three dots blinking as he types.

Woohoo! Can’t wait to read it!

Three dots appear again.

Will you be there tomorrow?

You smile at this.

Of course! Good luck tomorrow (:

His response is a smile, and a soccer ball emoji, but it’s enough to make your heart race. You get to see him tomorrow.

---

You watch as the match goes on, leading to yet another win for Richmond. The press room is buzzing yet again, the dedication to the team seeping through the professional exteriors of your peers as they all await Ted’s arrival. The gaffer enters soon after with Rebecca Welton herself, and Keeley Jones, energetic from the win as they all were. Everyone begins to call out to him, eager to be first as he sits. He looks out across the crowd until his eyes meet yours. His smile widens at the sight, and you wave to him gently. He nods at you, and looks down. Unbeknownst to the two of you, Rebecca and Keeley share a look of knowing.

The press junction goes on, Ted calling on each member of the press until he sees your hand.

“Y/N! What do you got for me?” He smiles.

“So, Coach Lasso, what’re your plans going forward?” You stand, notebook in hand.

“Well, I think I’m planning on going out to dinner tonight, celebratory, y’know? I was introduced to this little café not too far away, so I’m hoping to… see some friendly faces there.” He smiles at you, and you could’ve sworn that you saw his cheeks dust with pink. “As for the team? They deserve a break after all of the hard work they’ve put in these last few weeks. But, we’re going to make like Mayfield and keep on keepin’ on.” You smile at him, feeling your heart beat in your throat as you sit down. Ted glances over to Rebecca and Keeley who look at him with wide eyes. Rebecca uses the folder in her hand to hide her face from the press as she mouths to him.

“You can’t flirt on live TV, Ted!”

---

You walk through the doors of the café, smiling at Jeanie who’s wiping down a coffee cup at the counter. She smiles at you knowingly, and nods to the table you sat at just a few days prior. There sat Ted, who had looked up when the bell above the door chimed. He stood as you walked over.

“Hi, Ted. Fancy seeing you here.” You hope that the blush on your cheeks is taken as coming from the chilly early evening air.

“Hi, Y/N. I’m glad that friendly face ended up showing up.” He pulls out your chair, as you pull your coat off, and sit down.

“So, is this one on me?” You joke with him, pulling out the menu. He laughs as he sits down, and sips his water.

“Wouldn’t be much of a gentleman if I let you pay on a date, now would I?”

“So, this is a date?” You smile at him, trying to conceal the pounding in your chest.

“Only if you want it to be.”

“It’s a date, then.”

[temarisnara]

sannin

oh,,,,mess,,,,

jiraiya

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life   hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang |  hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (points to meta on naruto’s post) best quality: oh boy. ok. without a doubt it’s his heart. i wanted to hate him, i did hate him, but i saw him with naruto. with tsunade. with the ame trio. how he never gave up on orochimaru. he loves deeply. he’s also like, such a lowkey caretaker because of it, and i’ve talked before about he’s the steady one when things go to shit. just, god!!! everything about his bonds with other people GETS to me. worst quality: HIS SEXUAL HARASSMENT OF WOMEN LMAO like GOD. there’s meta about how jiraiya uses sex to cope, about wanting intimacy but fearing loss, and THAT is fun. but kishimoto was like what if we make it a RUNNING GAG because jiraiya is so fucking horny!!! FUCK. ITS BAD. also, taking away shitty writing, this man is a goddamn sagittarius in the WORST way. he runs away from responsibility like no other! his refusal to accept the hat, the fact he CLEARLY avoided the village for 12 fucking years so he wouldn’t have to Deal with the fact he’s naruto’s godfather, HE JUST ABANDONED 3 FUCKING 12-13 YEAR OLDS IN A WARZONE AFTER BEING THEIR ONLY CAREGIVER FOR 3 YEARS WITHOUT EVEN ASKING IF THEY’D WANT TO COME BACK TO KONOHA WITH HIM????? JIRAIYA IM COMING FOR YOU   ship them with: tsunade and orochimaru are his SOULMATES brotp them with: tsnunade and orochimaru are his GOVERNMENT ASSIGNED BEST FRIENDS. also naruto, minato, and the ame trio. needs to stay away from: uhhhhhhhhhh genuinely anyone besides tsunade and orochimaru. no one deserves this disaster man. misc. thoughts: i’m So mad how much i love him. like it’s fine i’m a comics stan i’m used to picking and choosing which parts of canon i accept. but i truly lost a lot of self respect when i was forced to admit i stan jiraiya.

tsunade

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff best quality: her strength. like, obviously she’s physically a powerhouse, but emotionally she keeps getting knocked down and getting back up. and it’s like...not even a trait she acknowledges? i think because of her years of drifting, drinking away her pain, gambling to feel the adrenaline rush, she doesn’t consider herself emotionally strong,  but like. she lost dan, and nawaki. she lost orochimaru to his quest for power, she lost jiraiya to his worldly adventures. she did what she could to cope. and when she agreed to become hokage, she put all that on the back burner. when orochimaru died, she didn’t let herself feel it. when jiraiya died, she let herself breakdown privately, and then pulled herself back together. when pain attacked the  village, she kept everyone alive. she never buckled under her own grief, her own pain. she’s so fucking strong!!!!!  worst quality: god i WISH canon would show tsunade is JUST as messy and awful as jiraiya and orochimaru. like i saw someone going off about how it’s not fair to compare tsunade’s addiction to jiraiya’s horny bullshit or orochimarru’s literal war crimmes and that’s true! but it is fair to talk about how tsunade is an INSANE PERSON who trained a 12 year old child everyday until her bones broke and made her KEEP GOING WITH BROKEN BONES. like, i’m NOT LETTING THIS ONE GO TSUNADE!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! ship them with: jiraiya and orochimaru!!! brotp them with: jiraiya and orochimaru, sakura, shizuune, kakashi, naruto needs to stay away from: anyone besides jiraiya and orochimaru. like, technically, there’s nothing wrong with tsunade/dan, except it’s the most boring ship i’ve ever laid eyes on. misc. thoughts: she really is such a cool, well written, underutilized character lmao. i really wish we’d gotten more of tsunade’s complexity and messiness. 

orochimaru

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang (I AM TALKING STRICTLY BORUTO AND SANNIN ERA OROCHIMARU. OG NARUTO AND EVEN SHIPPUDEN NARUTO IS UGLY!!!) hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff best quality: none <3 i love orochimaru because he’s an incredibly complex character, not because he has good qualities! like if i had to name his best quality, it’s his love for mitsuki. orochimaru and mitsuki are the ONLY reason i acknowledge boruto because everything else is BAD. worst quality: LITERAL! WAR! CRIMINAL! ship them with: tsunade and jiraiya!! brotp them with: tsunade and jiraiya!!! i like fandom acting like he’s sasuke’s annoying godfather.  needs to stay away from: literally anyone besides the sannin. misc. thoughts: bro kishimoto dropped the BALL here. orochimaru is so fucking complex, there’s LAYERS here. like, we have this little war orphan, the last of his kind, who never learned or understood morality. but he had jiraiya and tsunade to guide him. he trusted them. they were loud, and annoying, but he trusted them. but war happened. war happened, and orochimaru led the mission nawaki died on. he stood and watched, unable to do anything, as dan bled out in tsunade’s arms. death surrounded him. he became desensitized to it, while also being terrified of it. the timeline is wonky, but in MY head jiraiya leaving was the start of orochimaru pulling away. he and tsunade didn’t talk as much those years. he became obsessed with forbidden jutsus. when jiraiya came back, orochimaru was willing to kill him so he and tsunade could get away. danzo started manipulating him, encouraging his desire for power and knowledge, his lack of morals.  neither tsunade or jiraiya noticed or reached out. hell, they might’ve already left at this point, which is also a blow for him- i truly think their abandonment hit orochimaru Hard. and the final blow came when sarutobi chose a CHILD over him to become hokage. he’d dedicated his life, he’d killed and bled for the village, and still it wasn’t enough, sarutobi still didn’t trust him, didn’t see him worthy. just. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! OROCHIMARU IS SO INTERESTING AND ITS NEVER EXPLORED!!!!!!!!!!!!