#between my adhd and full time job and The Projects

[brn-t]

LOL i thought i was finally free once i got through the show I was vending for, i was like GREAT finally time to update LL, and then out of Nowhere, a project I had thrown a bid in MONTHS ago for decided Now was the perfect time to let me know I'd gotten selected for the project.

[leidensygdom]

Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

[sapphire-weapon]

“sleeping with Ada was the inciting incident behind Leon’s drinking problem and he doesn’t even know it” theory/analysis - wait have you talked about this before? I missed it if you did :(

No, I haven't. I meant to. I actually have a half-finished post about it sitting in my drafts, but then the ADHD kicked in and I got distracted and wandered off and haven't bothered to go back to it since.

The thing with this analysis is that like... it's both not that complicated and also very complicated and abstract, and so just the thought of explaining it feels daunting.

To put it in the simplest terms possible: Leon spent RE2 and RE4 chasing an idealized version of Ada that didn't actually exist, so when he finally got the actual Ada in bed and realized that it didn't bring him the catharsis that he was looking for -- and that he actually still felt incomplete/damaged -- his brain just kind of shut that down and rejected that reality and didn't want to face it, which then led to a drinking problem that culminated in a damn near full-blown emotional breakdown in RE6.

It all sort of ties back to my analysis of the relationship between Leon and Ada as it exists in OG -- where Leon has tricked himself into believing that Ada is the only thing that's keeping the memory of his old self alive. We as the audience know that that's objectively not true, and that it's Sherry and how she's modeled her life and her worldview after him that's keeping the old Leon alive -- but that's also really painful for Leon to think about, because he's under the impression that he fucked up Sherry's life so badly that he doesn't deserve to be in it anymore, so it's easier for him to just project all that shit onto Ada.

And so chasing Ada was about more than wanting to romantically/sexually pursue the pretty lady who makes his heart go dokidoki. Despite the bond that they have, Ada is still mostly a mystery to Leon and always seems to be 20 steps ahead of him -- and so, on some level, chasing her was less about getting the girl and more about finding the answers that he's been looking for.

But Ada is just a person. She has her fingers in a lot of pies, sure, but she's not omnicient or omnipotent. She doesn't have the answers to how or why or when things went wrong in Leon's life, and she doesn't have the answers as to how to fix them or make them better.

So, when Leon slept with her and found that divine inspiration didn't enter his consciousness through the tip of his dick and travel its way down his boner and then up his spine and then into his brain like the weirdest venereal disease ever -- instead of feeling relieved at finally having taken care of the sexual tension between them, or comforted by her physical presence, or humbled by her intimacy -- he probably just felt... empty.

This was something he'd wanted so badly. He'd been chasing it for so long. And now that he'd finally gotten it, it was nothing that he'd hoped/thought it would be.

Because he wasn't really chasing Ada. He was running from his own demons, and Ada just happened to have been in front of him.

And instead of face that, instead of deal with that, his brain shut down and went NOPE DIDN'T HAPPEN and reached for literally anything that could distract it from that truth -- regardless of the form it took. Whether it was a slavish devotion to his job that was quickly leading to burnout or the flask he always kept in his back pocket -- it didn't matter what it was.

A lot of this theory/analysis/whatever you want to call it really comes from how fucking weird and bizarre their conversation about it is in Damnation. It always struck me as weird. This isn't how normal fucking people talk to each other about setting up a booty call.

Ada: By the way, when are we going to, um... carry on from where we left off that night? Leon: Any time but now. Ada: You're angry with me, aren't you? Suits you.

Something happened that night that: A) left things feeling unfinished and B) was emotionally charged enough that Ada is under the impression that Leon's mad at her for it, but C) wasn't a turn-off enough for Ada to not want to try again.

It almost seems like Ada had picked up on a weird vibe coming from him and didn't let him stay the whole night through. It probably went something like:

sex happened -> lying in bed together in the afterglow -> something about Leon's general demeanor post-coitus just doesn't feel right -> Ada pulls a "you should probably go" -> Leon gets butthurt but leaves without a fight -> Ada spends the next however many months going "that dick was bomb tho" -> they meet up in Damnation -> Ada decides "no the dick was worth it idc how weird he got" -> propositions him for a round two

I don't think that round two ever happened, though -- or, if it did, it just made things worse. And that's why, by the time we reach RE6, Leon's attachment to Ada has become so unhealthy and unhinged that he damn near has a total break from reality towards the end.

Chasing Ada had given him a personal goal to work towards -- it gave him hope that there was still some lost, forgotten part of himself that he could reclaim. And now that he knew that that was all just a massive cope and none of it was real, he didn't know what to do with himself.

It's not dissimilar to the idea of a character feeling empty after finally exacting the revenge they'd been planning for so, so long. Without that goal to work towards, what else do they have?

This is why the progression of RE6 to Vendetta to Death Island is so important.

In RE6, Leon finally comes to terms with the fact that he doesn't know who Ada is and probably never will, which is why he tells Helena "No" when she tells him to go after her.

And with the Ada thing resolved, Leon throws himself into his work, because what else does he have? But his job makes him completely fucking miserable, so it doesn't fix or stop the drinking habit he's developed.

But then in Vendetta, here comes Chris to drag Leon to his feet and tell him he's not alone -- which is the first time ever, in Leon's entire adult life, that that has ever happened. Ever since Claire left him and Sherry on the side of the road outside of Raccoon City, Leon has been going through this nightmare hellscape alone. So, for Chris to actually come around and help support that weight is a massive, massive fucking deal.

And now, by Death Island, Leon has finally started to really wake up to the reality that is his life. He's more grounded and self-aware in DI than he has ever been at any point in his entire character arc.

And I just so badly want to believe that a massive breakthrough is coming for him in RE9 and he actually puts his foot down and takes control of his life for the first time ever. Because, remember: Leon gave up years and years ago. His life is the way that it is because he allowed it to become that way.

It's long since past due for him to finally stand up for himself.

But we'll see how it goes.

[torra-and-the-toons]

Welcome to my Cartoon Blog!

Torra | she/her | 1992 | Autistic | Fan Artist & Author 

Hello! If you’re reading this it means you’ve found my blog! Just a few things before we get started that you should know about me and what I do here. 

I post about whatever cartoon is tickling my brain at the moment, and I flit between hyperfixations like I’m playing duck-duck-goose. Ed Edd n Eddy is the only fandom I have major projects in, but I partake in a lot of other fandoms too. So just know, if you follow me for one fandom, it’s bound to change.

I ramble a lot. I tend to voice my thoughts out loud randomly into the void that is tumblr just because I like to talk to whoever may be listening. If that’s not your thing, you may want to block the #torra rambles tag! Don’t worry, it won’t hurt my feelings. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and I want to do my best to make this blog enjoyable for all kinds of people.

My askbox is open, but I no longer take requests or answer head-canon related questions, but I’m happy to say hi. No Anons anymore, sorry.

If you’re just here for my art, I suggest looking for #torrasart. For any art I posted before February of 2024, I used #my art, #my doodles just FYI, but mass post editor was too confusing to change it, so I left it as is.

I try to be generally sfw, but I might still post/reblog suggestive text posts occasionally, tagged #suggestive, so minors beware... 

I don’t want to have to block anybody but I will if I have to... 

Please keep in mind that I have a full-time job that takes up a majority of my time and energy, but in spite of that I’m working as hard as I can to bring these projects to life. I also have pretty bad ADHD, which effects my ability to stay focused, but I’m trying. All I ask is for your patience and understanding. 💖

Ed Edd n Eddy Stuff

At the moment I have a few serious projects that I’m working on: My fan-comic, “In the Ed,” my fanfiction, “In the Sky of a Million Stars” and my most recent venture is just my unnamed Torra AU where I unleash my weird furry self-insert/OC into the cul-de-sac like a lunatic because I can’t make normal human OC’s.

IN THE ED

Horror AU, Supernatural Themes, Trigger Warning for blood and possible gore, Content Warning for language and violence.

"Nobody knew it existed. In fact this was the first time anyone had set eyes upon this hilltop manor for quite some time..." Four years after the events of the Big Picture Show, the Eds and friends find themselves in a brand new, death-defying adventure that's sure to shift the genres.

tags: #in the ed comic, #wip shot, #in the ed refs

This fan-comic is also on Ao3 for slightly easier readability! 

Introduction Page! 

CHAPTER 1: Peach Creek Manor

[1-5] [6-10] [11-15] [16-20] [21-25 (coming soon)]

IN THE SKY OF A MILLION STARS

Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Trigger Warning for Suicide Attempts, Content Warning for language and blood

Eddy has always been a man of many fears, but above all else, his greatest fear has always been the inevitability of growing up. Now, with adulthood staring him in the face, he just can’t take it. Why couldn’t things have stayed the way they were? AU where the BPS never happened, and Eddy struggles with the changes happening around and within him. Loosely based on the song "One More Light," by Linkin Park.

tags: #a million stars fic, #a million stars art

Follow it on Ao3 to get the latest updates!

Torra AU [not official name, and no banner image yet]

Comedy, OC, Content warning for language but overall trigger-safe, I think. Unless you have a fear of tigers

tags: #torra oc, #torra au, #torra and the eds

The Isaac Saga [no banner yet]

Comedy with some hurt/comfort themes. 

A collection of comics and drawings about the cat I made for Double Dee named Isaac. 

tags: #isaac the cat, #small things with great ed

Small Things with Great Ed Part 1

[pages 1-5] [6-10] [11-15]

[carrs-universe-writes]

Well what in tarnation-

Um hello 👉👈 funny seeing you guys here...uh...come here often? Still wondering about my silly little writing? Oh haha...yeah...about that...

Crazy how fast time flies when you have time blindness.

So let's get the big stuff out of the way. I am no longer writing Wolfwater, WCA, or M715 as interactive fiction. I am still writing the stories, but no longer as interactive fiction.

No one knows what's happening with dragon smut because it was just a silly little side project so as of right now it's on indefinite hiatus/canceled.

But the other three are still deep in the holes of my brain. These characters mean a lot to me at this point. But I've lost the passion to make them IFs. Not only is it way too much work for my Swiss cheese ADHD brain to stay focused on, writing is also something I can just kinda do mindlessly. But with IF I have to pay WAY closer attention, and that makes it a stressful thing, not a fun, relaxing form of expression.

To put it simply, it's way too much work that I don't want to do.

So where does that leave the stories? Well, as novels.

I've already started rewriting chapter 1 of Wolfwater, and I'll post it in it's entirety here when I'm finished. Some things have been changed, like now Alex is the protagonist. And given Alex obviously isn't interested in a lot of the romance options, one of the subplots will finally be Ezra and Aim kissing all on their own. Big day!

WCA will be split between Casey and Quincy’s POV's mainly, but there will be no serious changes to the plot, other than the fact that...well...you aren't there.

And M715 will be changed so that Zelda is the main protagonist. Again, very little to change in that story, other than shifting who things happen to.

The original playable IF version of WW ch1 will stay up forever if you ever want to reread it. And nothing is being deleted or changed on the patreon, all the original drafts will stay up. But they are not going to be edited again.

I know Wolfwater especially has been in the works for like 4 years, but unfortunately I used all my dopamine up writing Far Cry fanfiction when I was in middle school, so I'm now a very slow writer.

If you've been here a while, get ready for some deja-vu because: I'm leaving my job at the gas station soon and starting basically my dream job driving a truck. Just me and my dog in a truck all day, not a single customer interaction to be had. Hopefully around the end of summer I'll be there full time and can quit the gas station, which will be better for me. (I feel like I've seen this movie before....)

Um I struggle with genuineness but ummmm thank you to those that have stuck around while I was doing absolutely nothing. But I am writing again, I am back, everything is sorta back to normal.

Now stop looking at me 😖

[enbyprincex]

Commissions are Open

Prices & TOS

Reblogs are greatly appreciated!

🌸 What I Offer 🌸

My primary focus is full color fantasy character art and scenes in those spaces. I love designing characters for use in fantasy spaces and the interactions they have between themselves and their environment. I especially love illustrating people of color and LGBTQIA+ characters, be those single characters or small groups.

I do my best to stay true to character body types and that is the main reason I ask for any and all references you can provide.

I do both SFW & NSFW work so keep that in mind when flipping through my portfolios.

🌸 What I Won’t Do 🌸

The obvious, no racist, homophobic, transphobic etc content is something I will not touch and outright decline.

Illegal themes as well are on the no-go list.

If you’re unsure feel free to send me a DM and we can discuss.

🌸 Commission Status 🌸

My commissions are currently open for both commercial and non-commercial projects. These slots are waitlist slots for December and January.

I open commissions on a monthly basis, 1 or 2 rush slots are available with each opening.

Current Opening: Nov 17 - Dec 25

🌸 Active Hours 🌸

My work hours are Mon - Fri between 9am to 8 pm EST. I may reply to inquiries outside these hours but I try my best not to for the sake of my mental health.

If you have an urgent work-related matter feel free to message me and I’ll do my best to get back to you.

🌸 Other Notes 🌸

This is my full-time job and my work is priced accordingly. Payment plans are available.

I have chronic fatigue and ADHD so my energy levels and focus are sporadic but I aim to have each commission completed within the 2 - 3 month time frame. Strict Deadlines will result in a rush fee.

Waitlist slots are always open, just DM me either here or on Twitter to discuss.

[shiny-miltank]

A leche hobbies update:

Update on knitting adventures: almost done with a scarf I started 🤔 dropped stitches everywhere but it really helps with my adhd to have something in my hands to play with while feeling like I’m working towards something! Don’t think I’ll show it off though LMAO, it’s ugly as a scarf but I like it as a “baby’s first scarf” to look back on when I get better. And it’s warm :)!

Other thing: picked up a sewing machine from the good will and still in really great shape and working! Its old and has character and I love it HAH. I’m learning from my abuelita on her own machine. It’d be great to combine this and knitting to make essentials and to repair clothes that really need it.

Drawing/not really a hobby it’s my “Jobby”: sorry for being a lil slow on updates! I got a little bit of burnout and I really want to finish summers commissions so I can clear my schedule more. I’m just about done so I’m no longer chipping on three projects at a time between my full time job oof-but do know they are being worked on. I’ve got adoptables on the way and sketching the next ask-n update! I’ve also been keeping an eye on other places to post like insta and bluesky but I feel like I need to like…observe? Some more? Before committing and learning whole new platforms and posting schedules bleh.

I got other projects in the pipeline, one including a pmd thing, more Paldea headcanons and what not and some certain purple psychic cat things returning. But all in due time! Can’t overwhelm myself : 0

And a little bit of a rant or ramble about perhaps dropping a longtime hobby I’ve had and feeling sad about it beneath the cut ;( but if you’ve read this far thanks! Love ya’ll for supporting me!

I think a handful of you? Know I roleplay on this platform and have for a good seven? Eight? Years. It’s fun, a lot of my ideas and headcanons and art I’m known for were actually jump started by some random thread or idea from between my rp partners and what not. The Mewtwo blog, ask-n, scarlet turo and etc etc were old muses or ideas that turned into their own thing. It’s always been so easy to write and collaborate your ideas with the rp community you’re in and it becomes it’s whole big thing!

But I know it hasn’t always been the healthiest hobby for me after awhile but esp when I want to focus on content creation as a job that I’m really into. I no longer have the time to maintain plots and characters despite being so determined to stick to it. It’s becoming more of a distraction of just scrolling down the rp dashboard out of FOMO more then anything and heck I can’t even see most of it as a lot of events and verses and etc I blacklist to attempt to curb anxiety and distractions which haven’t been working lately 🤔 I still get lots of anxiety.

That and the community’s changed really. I know every old rper has typed their piece on “back in the good old days-“, leaves their blog and doesn’t give any useful advice or attempt to change the narrative lol. I don’t want to do that.

And it’s not the communities fault either. It’s natural for spaces to change to help new ideas and new people come in. It just means maybe it’s no longer meant for me and that’s okay. If anything it’s more how my friends I’ve been with for all my time there have left or are leaving. There’s a disconnect I can’t seem to get over no matter what new muse or idea I promote esp when I’m no longer comfortable in the space I enjoyed for so long. I never had to block so many things before and again not the communities fault and none of the things I’m blocking are unsavory, it’s more like my tastes and likes and dislikes and what I have spoons for have just become different over so long. It’s totally a me thing.

It’s in my mind that maybe it’s okay to let it go since I’m getting so hyped for my newer hobbies and the ideas I have for my art/comics. I don’t have the time anymore to dedicate so much energy on it like I use to esp when even over all my work Im still figuring out my adhd after getting diagnosed officially, new meds, the other mental diagnosis that makes the mental soup in my head alongside other life stuff.

I owe rp in general for helping me get that creative spark and through a lot of tough, long dark times. It’s provided me with the escapism and outlet since like, forever. I started rping in ye old Neopet neomail days and haven’t stopped since besides the occasional period that didn’t last long. Who knows maybe this is just a rut and I’ll feel better tomorrow or next week or something. Could be the change of seasons where my seasonal depression kicks in but I’m not quitting yet but it’s somewhere in the funky mind palace as I navigate this weird patch.

Thanks if you’ve read my ramblings this far! I wish there was a way to reward peeps who read through my long jargon? It just feels good to know I can scream into the void and sometimes I’ll have one or two people nod at me in understanding. Idk, I’ll think of something—

[gravesaint]

hi! when i read your post i got so excited bc the whole reason I went back to school (first time in 4 years, since high school!) is to become an archivist and work in a queer archive and help bridge those gaps and educate young ppl abt our history. do you mind answering a few questions of mine about how you got your job? what kind of program were you in, what did u major in, how did you end up working in a queer archive, what’s your job like? I could DM also!

Hello! Thanks for the ask!

So in undergrad I actually majored in art history because I knew I wanted to do some kind of museum/memory institution work, but wasn't really sure what (I went back and forth between curation, conservation, education, etc.). I also got a minor in museum studies!

I then went directly into gradschool because I got lucky with scholarships, and last spring I completed my master's in museum sciences. That program had three different tracks (administrative, education, and collections care), and I went down the collections care track since that aligned most with my desire to do archival work. I also interned in a few different areas at a local museum, and my work with their digitization department is what really cemented the fact that I liked working with collections.

Once I finished my master's, I was actually just on the job hunt when I decided to volunteer at my local equality center as a way to get out of the house and stay active in the community. I started by cleaning out their closets sdhfdjfhd

The volunteer coordinator saw in my email signature that I had a master's in archival and collections care and asked if I'd be willing to look at their history project room (literally a room full of 50+ years of materials that no one had ever organized). They had tried to put together an archival plan for it about 20 years ago, but the project just never took off.

I started by just going through everything and coming up with a preliminary plan for how to start managing the space, and I volunteered once a week for a few months just working on that. Over time my plans got more and more complex and I started treating the position like an actual job because I'm bad at setting boundaries lol. By this time I had actually landed a paying job working at a museum gift shop (not a lot of museum opportunities where I live currently, so I had to take what I could get and it pays the bills).

I spoke often with one of the center's main patrons (an older gay man who has done a lot of philanthropy in my city), and we eventually worked out an agreement for turning what I had already been doing into a paid position. I had already been doing work way beyond the scope of a volunteer (I did a lot of work on our online catalogue while at home or at my other job), and because I kept a record of all the work I had done and projects I had started, it was easier to pitch the idea of a full-time position to the organization's president.

So overall, I came into the position in a kinda unconventional way tbh. But luckily everyone at the center actually values the history and the work I've put in, so they saw the value of hiring me on officially. There are definitely easier ways of getting into archival work, but that's how it happened for me sjdfjdfh

As for what the job is actually like, I detail that in this ask!

My closing advice:

Have better workplace boundaries than me.

Look for ways to apply your skills in unconventional places (I never thought I would be making a career somewhere outside of a museum).

It can be daunting, but try to get as much experience under your belt while still in school as you can (via internships and volunteering), because it helps grow your confidence and it'll be easier for you to promote yourself and your work in the future. Unfortunately most internships probably aren't going to be paid, which is bullshit, but they really do help once you're out of school.

Develop a cocktail of autism, adhd, and ocd that makes you really good at building organizational and archival systems from the ground up (not actually required because chances are you'll find a pre-functioning archive that already has basic protocols in place).

[whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx]

So I found a Reddit post asking for headcanons about the BATTs…and I got a little out of control. Enjoy!

(Copied and pasted my comment here)

Oh my god here we go. Unleash the floodgates.

First of all, all three are Raine’s kids, as well as Eda’s stepkids. I will not be taking criticism. Katya and Derwin are also excellent older siblings to Luz, King, and especially Hunter. Katya also gets along very well with Emira and Amity.

Now, personal headcanons.

From left to right:

Katya:

- probably between the ages of 17 and 19.

- is actually incredibly [powerful](https://whotfelsewantedtobelynnyx.tumblr.com/post/690689421571489792/her-yes-and-if-you-dont-recognize-that-you-may), but uses her powers to make food come to life

- used to get teased for carving her palisman into a bug

- was a former foster kid and ran away when her “caregivers” started pressuring her to join a coven

- lived as a wild witch for years before being forced to join the Bard Coven, which is how she met Raine

- became incredibly protective of Amber as soon as they were introduced

- developed a bit of a crush on Steve, who had to gently remind her that he was definitely too old for her

- now has some claustrophobia issues, as well as struggled with trusting Raine again after learning that they lied about being brainwashed and left her in prison (don’t worry, she forgave them eventually)

- has to put up with being the “cool older sister” (i.e. can’t go anywhere without Luz and King begging to come along. She takes it in stride.)

- has aspirations of branching out and becoming an author, but doesn’t have much confidence in her OC writing (no one’s projecting here…)

Derwin:

- was the son of fairly rich parents who didn’t particularly want a child, so they paid for him to board at St. Epiderm (where I’m guessing Raine taught). When everyone else went home for the holidays, he was one of the few who stayed behind.

- Met Raine when he was fairly young (around the ages of 10-11, now about 19-20) and grew up with them as a teacher. He eventually grew to think of them as a parental figure, and since his parents really didn’t care, he got permission to live with them full time. Legally, they had custody of him from the time he was in his mid teens until he became an adult*.

- is considered one of St. Epiderm’s most talented students studying the bard track. He won several awards and competitions. However, Raine refused to ever let their protégé enter the IFWOT (he didn’t learn why until years later, when he finally met Terra Snapdragon for the first time)

-is also a bit of a history buff and loves spending time with Lilith when he can. She promised to get him a job interning at the museum with her after the DOU.

- considers himself to be demiromantic and has a steady boyfriend. Refuses to give the girls any details, much to Katya’s annoyance.

- very protective over his parent and nearly got himself killed when they were captured during the DOU.

- Is lowkey scared of Hooty.

Amber:

- was formerly a street kid (having run away from an abusive aunt and uncle) and lied about her age (13-14) to join the BATTs. Raine found out fairly quickly but let her stay out of a combination of protectiveness and attachment.

- Also considers Raine to be her parent and quickly became fairly clingy towards them. She and Derwin had some friction in the beginning because she was jealous of his relationship with Raine- similar to her reaction when she first met Eda. Raine was gentle and patient, however, and she grew to love Derwin as a sibling as well.

- has a tendency to push people away at first out of defensiveness, then becomes incredibly attached once she decides she can trust them.

- gets up to incredible chaos with King and Hooty.

- Is one of King’s favorite people because she “know(s) he’s a Titan, but doesn’t understand the big deal”.

- most definitely has unmanaged ADHD. Raine has been doing their best to manage a rebellion and give her a normal life at the same time, including helping her learn to cope with her disorder and forcing her to actually go to school.

- adores Eda and often curls up in her lap when she sits down for too long.

- BFFs with Eberwolf, distrusts Darius.

- thinks Steve is JUST THE COOLEST.

- is one of those “ew, kissing. Romance is gross.” teens.

- often acts more childish because she never really had the chance to be a child.

- EVERYONE is protective of Amber. Katya, Derwin, Eda, and especially Raine. She’s the baby of the family and anyone who hurts her will regret it.

- thinks the solution to everything is arson.

- was on the airship with Steve during the DOU because Raine wanted to protect her but knew she wouldn’t let them send her away. Steve had to stop her from charging in to save her family when sh*t hit the fan.

ok I’m done. Also, I have a whole Tumblr blog full of similar stuff if anyone’s interested, lol!

*I have no idea how old adult is in the Boiling Isles. I mean, Lilith joined the Emperor’s Coven when she was like…16? So?

[justlikethefish]

An idea for the void

So, I was thinking, right? I do that from time to time. It’s not always advisable, but it happens.

Anyway, I was thinking about Youtube, and how I watch a lot of it. I probably watch more Youtube than anything else, to be honest. I watch lots of stuff on there, but my favorite thing to watch is usually terrarium builds, followed closely by aquarium/fishkeeping stuff, and after that, I think it’s probably herp stuff—like reptiles, amphibians, that kinda thing.

I watch a ton of this stuff. It started off when I was working night shifts at a shitty hotel a few years ago. It was one of those weird jobs where you’d spend maybe 80% of your time doing jack shit, but then the other 20% of your time was like, blind fucking panic because some idiot was trying to sneak a mastiff to their room through the emergency exit, or because Afro Man is in your hotel, and that’s not really a bad thing, but meeting Afro Man was the absolute last thing you expected. Anyway, it was a shitty hotel with lots of crazy moments, and it turns out that terrarium builds were like my own personal Bob Ross. They just chilled me out immediately. I fell in love.

Then I started actually making the things, and let me tell you, I’m not very good at it, but I love it.

Wait, okay, so back to how I watch a bunch of this on Youtube. I mean it, I watch a lot of it. Enough that  it’s really easy to notice some patterns. So, with fish and reptile youtubers, it feels like there’s a measure of community there, right? These folks will reference each other, bump into each other at conventions, drop in to do a project together. It’s not every video or every creator or anything, but you see it.

Terrarium youtube? Not so much. I’m not sure if it’s a matter of location making it difficult or something else, but other than really rare occasions, each channel sort of exists by itself, in it’s own little walled garden, its own, dare I say, sealed glass container, keeping it isolated from the others like it. Now, each creator is different; they’ve all got their own styles and personalities, their own techniques... but at the end of the day, they’re all doing the same (super rad) thing (that I absolutely love). There’s a lot of shared technique that goes into making this a whole genre of thing, even if they’re all mostly concerned about their own corner of the hobby.

Second... A lot of these videos kind of act like you’ve never seen another one like it. On some level, they’re almost all tutorials. Each one will give you a bit of information about selecting your container, about making your false bottom or drainage layer, about making your own substrate from from a similar blend to what most other terrarium makers use, about choosing your plants and moss, about lighting and watering (or not watering).

That’s great if you’re just dipping your toes into the art form, but if you’re a stressed out, ADHD-addled night owl desperately trying to wring dopamine from videos of jars being stuffed full of dirt and leaves, it’s a little weird to be told how to do this for the first time four or five times in a row.

It’s just kinda weird to me how each channel almost pretends that they’re the only one you watch, and each video pretends it’s the first one you’ve seen.

And so I wondered, like... what if that wasn’t the case?

What if you dispensed with the tutorial? Maybe not entirely; you could leave it in the description, you could put text on screen for people to follow if it is their first time or if they want to compare notes between your video and someone else’s.

It makes sense to me. Videos where people talk into the camera while they’re getting ready for the day or eating huge amounts of food are totally a thing, aren’t they?

I don’t see why you couldn’t do that with a terrarium, other than maybe it would be kind of niche within a niche, but that could be fun. Heck, why not go further? My first idea was to just talk about whatever the playlist was going while the terrarium was being built... That’d be fun, sure, but it’d be a little awkward with copyright and all.

Okay, so don’t do that. Or at least don’t stop there. Just... get weird with it.

“Today, we’re building a terrarium and talking about what an asshole Axl Rose is.”

“Today, we’re building a terrarium and talking about house cats.”

“Today, we’re making a terrarium using only fittonia species and discussing Rancid’s 1995 punk rock opus ‘...And Out Come The Wolves’ (don’t @ me)”

“Today, we’re planting a five gallon aquarium for orange neocaridina shrimp and reflecting on grief and how to process all the things that remain unsaid when those we love leave us behind (and also random facts about goats because that other stuff is really sad).”

“Today, we’re making a waterfall paludarium and discussing Albert Camus, absurdism, and why one must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

And like, you don’t have to completely forego discussing what’s happening on screen. You could have fun with that, too. You could, I dunno, acknowledge the existence of everyone else who is also doing this hobby you love, right?

"So, we know how this goes. This isn't either of our first rodeo. I've got the ingredients for my soil on the screen, but let's be honest, you're already just going to use the recipe from SerpaDesign or Worcester Terrariums.

Anyway, the craziest thing about about Winsor McCay’s Little Nemo in Slumberland is probably...”

Yeah, I dunno. I don’t have much beyond this What If?, really. I think this sounds fun, and I want to watch it, so someone should do it.

[finishwhatyoustarted-event]

Tools Tuesday - Fiber and Fabric Craft Support + What To Do During Breaks

Happy Tools Tuesday, everyone! Today's topic is especially for all the yarn and fabric crafters participating and sharing their progress in the discord!

Just like with any other medium, it can be easy to get into the flow when working on a physical craft project, and totally lose track of time - only to reap the consequences of cramped muscles and aches. That's why setting a timer can be a great strategy. There are many guides online about different work-break timer strategies; my personal favorite are these Pomodoro timers from How To ADHD, which have break timers built into the video (and no annoying clock sounds except when the timer is about to end)

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvq9Tp5JZ8oAV7wsRBIZjlQqVrTSjKeVs&si=6rDaZSORbJ85lzN3

(though I admit, I also have a habit of "timing" myself by watching episodes of a show, then forgetting to stretch in between!)

Figuring out what balance of time will depend on you, your mood, and your project. But sometimes, "taking a break" is too nebulous a concept. What could a break entail?

The annoyingly simple answer is: it varies! The long answer is figuring out what works for you.

I try to remember to check in with my body during a break and address basic needs I neglected while focused. Ask yourself:

Are you hungry?

Are you thirsty?

Do you need to use the bathroom?

Are there any physical aches?

Are you curled up oddly?

Do your eyes feel strained?

Addressing 1, 2, and 3 are simple but easily forgotten. For 4, I have shared a sheet on some common stretches previously, but there are a wealth of stretches, yoga poses, and exercises recommended for knitters, crocheters, and sewists.

As with any exercise, be aware of your body and mindful to not hurt yourself!

This video has some hand stretches not covered in previous posts here.

https://youtu.be/WxV_lpjEGvI?si=gKCLqNSi1SugT8d0

And here's a full playlist of yoga moves put out by the yarn brand Lion Brand, aimed at knitters and crocheters. Many of the moves are designed to be done from a chair, so you don't even have to get up if all you need to do during your break is stretch!

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2VjAZ-N13BC4KrE6DGYs3ag1mON6-Zns&si=_LGdOtXqZ35IMQAl

Many back stretches covered in that playlist also help with 5, posture. If you find you're curling uncomfortably over your work, or that your hands regularly ache after crafting, perhaps it is your tools that need to step up their game. A little support can go a long way.

I often crochet with a pillow on my lap, to keep my hands up in a comfortable, relaxed position, and to keep me from leaning too far forward. A rolled up blanket or long plushie can do the same job. Ergonomic shaped needles and hooks can help if your hands cramp when working or you find you have to tightly grip the tools. Likewise, supportive gloves or wrist braces can aid when repetitive motions make your wrist ache. Better lighting or magnifiers make seeing stitches easier.

There should be no shame in using assistive devices! Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself while you create!

For 6, eye strain, we can forget this can be an issue even when not working at a computer. The 20-20-20 idea (look at something 20ft away for 20 seconds after 20 minutes of close-up focus) goes for reading a book or doing crafts as well. Anything where you're staring at something right in front of you for a long time can make your eyes ache. I really liked this video that goes over ways to mitigate eyestrain from a computer, as well as some exercises that I regularly do myself when I feel my eyes get sore.

https://youtu.be/rPfCtJ1PX9I?si=qGMO1lJ1WiFZlNIs

As always, these tips are just my personal recommendations that you can use as starting off points for finding what works for you. Your breaks don't need to be structured to be beneficial. Moving your body in a change of scenery to get a snack might be all you need. Or you could start a load of laundry and work while it's going, which gives you a timer and a different physical task to do during your break when it's ready to be hung/changed to the other machine.

Do whatever works for you, just please take care of yourself! We artists might suffer for our art, but creating art shouldn't make you suffer.

Got any tips or resources? Or a tool that helped you craft more comfortably that you think others should know about? Share it in the comments or reblogs!

[floweroflaurelin]

how do you draw so quickly :00

That’s a good question! My most recently Pixlriffs painting was 2 hours start to finish and the reason for this is that I have ADHD so if a painting takes longer than 3 hours I get so bored with it that I put it aside and it never gets finished 😅

My solution to this problem is to learn to create the painting in 2 hours so that it can be called Finished before I lose focus. I save time by not doing line art or even cleaning up the thumbnail and just jumping right into colour instead! Also I use a slightly textured brush so that a very simple collection of strokes has the illusion of detail. If I’m being honest, all it takes to make a painting look finished is to nail the lighting, so once I had the torch light in, the piece was basically finished as-is. (This does require you to know exactly what the piece is going to look like when it’s done, though, and all of the steps that’ll take you there, but I’ve had practice doing that. So. It works for me. In my case involves taking a lot of detailed notes.)

If I’m doing a bigger, legitimately detailed project like my beach episode painting, the solution there is to divide it up into 2-3 hour chunks and then do one chunk everyday. I know how much I can do in that time and gave myself a hard deadline with the S1 anniversary day and it worked out great! Plus I usually have multiple paintings happening concurrently so that I can bounce between them whenever I start to get bored with one.

Before I got long Covid I worked full time as an illustrator in a pipeline and it took some convincing to get everyone to adapt to my preferences (let me do colour without lineart, give me three projects at a time or I won’t do any of them) but we worked it out and it ended up being great! I had to be fast to meet deadlines there and that really helped me speed up as well. I’ve had other illustration jobs where the turnaround was same-day, so. Gotta go fast!

TLDR; Detail and brushwork are secondary to light and colour. If you’ve got those two down, any amount of detail is optional! However, since the light won’t look right if your anatomy is off, and the colour won’t save it if your composition doesn’t work, it takes a lot of practice. But after ten years of painting 20-100 hours a week while accommodating my ADHD, I can do a painting really quick! And I use this power to draw lil block guys, because I can 😌

[painterofhorizons]

A Year in Writing: 2022

Writing review for 2020 and 2021.

Since this year won’t magically change, I will wrap up the year in writing two weeks early and not pressure myself to get the number up in the few days off I have between the years.

Total wordcount as of Dec. 19th: roughly 91.500 words, compared to ~200k in the past years. Not even calculating an daily average here and not countings days I have not written because that was the majority. For the time I have tracked, it somewhat looked like this:

while March and May were only roughly estimated.

General review: Or the Good, Bad and Ugly. It wasn’t even writer’s block that hit me this year, but life. The year started okay-ish, but the first half was dominated by a crippling fear about one job ending and only getting the go for our next project’s funding literally only the week my last contract ended (I am so done with academic precariat. So done with that shit.). Then when I started a 7 month project in July to fill up time until our next big project starts, the same day the new job started my dad got in hospital with life threatening illness, so for the following months I was dealing with a new job in a completely different field on full time (from before that working only part time) while being in the hospital and running errands and worrying sick about my dad’s health the whole time (he’s better again now, thank the universe!). Add up the complete and utter madness the current job includes in terms of content (so. much. politics. so. much. absolute. frustration. i. hate. it. so. much. so. so. much.) and having to long distance commute again after 3 years of pandemic and home office, and serve with ADHD and general worldly madness, and my brain is in survival mode ever since. There’s just no brain capacity left for anything at the end of the day. So i basically gave up on writing, knowing my brain just can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being hard on myself, quite the contrary - I know why I can’t write or draw or whatever else I would want to do normally, and I know it will come back. I am giving myself permission to not even try to write. This ain’t writer’s block. This is just fucking life.

On the good end: I was surprised about the number of the yearly tracking being close to 100k nevertheless. And I did manage to treat myself to two or three saturday morning writing breakfasts in that fancy cafe closeby within the past few months nevertheless and did some writing by hand in a fancy notebook I bought AND started to use. So it’s not like NO writing happened. And with my current project being almost close to end (only until mid Feb and then I’m back on a 3 year project in my actual field of profession and on less hours again) I am very hopefull that my brain will be back soon(er or later).

On the very good end: My absolute highlight this year was meeting @comeoniwantacoolname​. It was this year, wasn’t it? Or was it last? When did you appear? Anyways, I am so so so grateful we met (thank you, Jeff Moreau fanfiction!), it has been a delight to meet you, to brainstorm fic with you and to read your wonderful writing. Thank you for migrating here and being a lighthouse of joy in this troubled year for me. I can’t wait to visit Venice with you and eat all the food.

Things posted: None on the edited end, but a few WIPs over here I think. Maybe. But that might also have been last year, because I have no sense of time anymore and no grip on the concept that is time. What is time. I don’t know.

Things I would like to do next year: Write. Literally. Anything. I want to be myself again, i want my hobbies back, I want my creativity back, I want my brain back, and while I know the legit reasons why this year sucked, I could cry just thinking about it. I want to be myself again, and I want to fucking write.

So in the end, this wasn’t my year writing wise, and it was fucking exhausting. But the circumstances will change again in a foreseable future and I am looking forward to get back to a more better normal again soon-ish.

With this year being rough-ish, I am especially grateful for each and every one of you here for making this place a safe space of escape and joy and creativity and for making me feel like I can still take part in this wonderful Mass Effect fandom even if I don’t create anything and have no spoons for reading your amazing stories rn (and with all you folks I met through different fandoms and have zero idea of what you’re into these days but very much still appreciate you being around <3). Thank you folks for being you and for making this place a safe haven in these troubled times.

May 2023 be gentle on all of us.

[smooth-goat]

1, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, 10 (is it hats? 👀), 11, 14, 15, 16, 19, 20, 21, 26, 30 sorry for so many lol

aafjdskal thank u for so many !! its totally fine and encouraged in fact

Art programs you have but don't use

I still have the downloads for a full adobe suite--I needed them for college. But I've since let my subscriptions lapse when I dropped out.

3. What ideas come from when you were little?

I've had this one novel idea bouncing around in my head since I was eleven, where in the 1300s this massive trade city in modern-day Pakistan was set under strict quarantine as the Black Plague came over from the Gobi Desert westward. Years pass, better trading routes are found, and the city is lost--except the survivors of the plague's descendants still inhabit it as a small village, unknown to the outside world. Now, around 1909, a disgraced Russian archaeologist and his niece go down to this lost city in hopes of saving his job, only to find there's still people there. The story is about the little family hosting them and the line between academic study and colonialism. It's always been on a back burner because any real development would require paid consultants, but I do privately write little things for it.

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

Hmmmm I think young children. I don't have a lot of experience drawing them so it's a struggle for me to communicate their age with proper proportions.

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

Digital, really. I do work in it sometimes but really only when making animatics/animation, since I don't have a cost-effective setup to do so otherwise.

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in?

A few years ago, I spent a great deal of time on an animatic for TAZ Balance set to "Ball Cap" by Mother Mother. I had almost the whole thing in rough boards but lost steam refining them.

9. What are your file name conventions?

Just a brief description, mostly. Not really ever a proper ~artsy~ title. Examples would include "Sea Lion.jpeg" or "sisu v_01.png" the "v_01" stands for "version 1". For animatics I put keep everything in the auto-generated folders and just rely on the little image preview to keep things straight. My writing is filed under the actual published title, or a wip title. An example of that would be "moominpappa gets wrecked.docx" which, if properly titled, would surely be turned into something more moody and pretentious.

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

Yes it is hats!! For technical or research aspects I love all sorts of different clothing. When I'm working out clothing patterns I love figuring out complex construction details like 1890s cycling skirts or the flap neckline in the Herjolfsnes find undershirt. But strictly drawying: it's hats. The swoopy lines are so much fun and they add so much character and mood.

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what?

I am a creature of ADHD; I have to have something on when I'm drawing. Sometimes it's a youtube video that I'm just listening to. I also have Spotify playlists I've made for different characters or relationships or AUs I have. I've spent most of my time on the Hunter animatic listening to Innuendo Studios' series "The Alt-Right Playbook".

14. Any favorite motifs?

No shocker here: disability. In my more private drawings I focus a lot on chronic pain and interactions with the inaccessible physical world. I'm also a sucker for Victorian floriography, as anyone who's browsed my ao3 works' titles could notice. Also in unpublished works (visual and written) I like working in the intersection of disability and sex. About how the body moves in sexual acts, how to accommodate for disability, the extreme vulnerability sex places on a disabled person, and the interaction of pain and pleasure that happens when sex is a physically painful act.

15. *Where* do you draw?

For digital art I have this whole setup at my desk, where the drawer is pulled out for my tablet and my laptop on the desk proper--all for Good Grade In Occupational Therapy purposes. (really because I'm 5'2 and the height of the chair I'd need to comfortably draw on the desk doesn't let my feet touch the floor). Sketching I do on the couch or in bed. I bring my sketchbook around a lot and will do it on the go. Sometimes when I'm going on drives, I pull over with a good vista and draw there sitting on the hood.

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

colored pencil!! 1000%. i do Not like working with colored pencils. The grip required for them is too small without buying a separate grip, which I have to take off and on every time I switch colors, which is Often. and they work sooo slowlyyyy. i like media like watercolor, oil, and markers--stuff that lays down lots of color quickly and can be refined later. i like a certain messiness or rawness. paint impasto, visible canvas grain, fingerprints, water splotches, etc

19. Do you eat/drink when drawing? If so, what?

Not always sketching because I'll do that in lots of places. Digitally yes always. I know I shouldn't because of the spill risk but I am a simple man and I always need to have a little drink. Usually soda or hibiscus La Croix.

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

I really like drawing hands! I know they're the classic artists' bane but sux to be you because I have lots of fun with them. (For the longest time I thought I was messing them up because I'd use my own hands as reference and they'd come out looking Wrong. Years later I've realized the Wrongness I was seeing was a combination of my hypermobility and large arthritis knuckles.)

21. Art styles nothing like your own but like anyways

oh, lots! the hyper-stylized, cartoony stuff is so interesting to me. the functions of digital art are largely a mystery to me so it's just fascinating how well people use the medium. Especially the color-block lineless art that reminds me of papercut art. And I've always enjoyed how the Professor Layton games approached character design--a great deal of stylization and caricature which is so different from my own drawings of people. i also really enjoy 17th century english woodblock prints. when i paint its usually kind of impressionistic with lots of blurry lines, so the stark black and white and geometric shapes they have is so different and cool to me.

26. What's a piece that got wildly different interpretation from what you intended?

wrt art I can't really think of any! most of the finished pieces I've done were for classes and therefore weren't highly-creative projects open to a great degree of interpretation.

wrt writing For Sure that time i got accused of being a pro-lifer when I wrote "Ginger Tea and Parsley Oil" lmao. i have no idea how any competent reading of the text would come to that conclusion

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated?

wrt my visual art, most of it isn't published online but rather shared in art classes or with friends. In those cases, I think the response was pretty appropriate relative to time spent and my own opinions of it. From what's been posted online, definitely my icon! I probably spent 50 hours on that drawing cause it's actually two complete drawings laid on top of each other, with the top one torn to reveal the sepia one beneath. But ain't that just the way--whatever you spend the most time on will never get as much acclaim as what you only spend a few minutes sketching. wrt my writing, most underrated is probably "Black Cohosh". It's the piece with the second-lowest hit count but also one of my favorites. I get why it's low--it's dark and moody in a fandom that enjoys fluff and focuses a lot on canon/oc interaction. But I really love it fjdskla

[tenelkadjowrites]

i know i gave up on hongmullet, but it served. hwa's red era was so short and unexpected, feels like a fever dream, i often forget it happened then i see a photo or a video and suddenly i remember 😳

twitter is really the worst, tik tok too tho i don't use it. tumblr has its flaws but i've been her for ages, it's my swamp at this point, i won't leave. it also doesn't have a lot of minors and no offense but i don't wanna see opinions of 16 year olds and i definitely don't wanna interact with them and see them simp 🙅🏼‍♀️

ohhhh i used to be a proof reader so i get you! i also wrote articles people requested so it wasn't very fulfilling. taking requests feels like too much pressure and it's unnecessary when you have enough ideas on your own and you have to meet so many expectations, some requests are very specific and detailed too

understandable about not sharing a lot of personal things on this blog, and you have another tumblr account correct? makes sense you wanna keep this one more, hmm let's say professional. like me on twt i kept my hwa account strictly seonghwa related, barely stated my opinions cause that wasn't the purpose of it, also didn't want people to say shit since the account gained quite a lot of followers. i was being myself on my main.

interesting point about not listing fic influences etc, i never thought about it this way! personally i like when writers share some behind the scenes, but i like to read them after i read the fic so it's just a bonus

omg 3 parts? gotta buckle up for that

i also don't use tiktok cuz i have adhd and i know it'll be a time sink of which i won't come back from lol. and yeah, tumblr is just my ideal place right now, i don't wanna interact with minors especially given what i write so i prefer it here vs twitter where, esp kpop side of things, feel like it is full of minors.

and yes, absolutely nothing against requests but i just try to write what i want when i want to write it and i worry by doing requests my work might not be as good? if it's an idea i feel like i have to write, then it shifts back more to that job feeling than a passion project and i worry it'll be bad. i like the freedom of this blog and of writing whatever i would like to write.

yes, i have a main tumblr at @hologramhoneymoon - i just reblog a lot of stuff on there, kpop stuff, movie stuff, things that hit a spot in my brain that i like, etc. i like having this blog separate from that so i can keep this just for the fics and have the other one for my messy, chaotic way of reblogging lol. and that way if ppl really don't wanna see that stuff and just want fics, they don't have to worry about their dashes being clogged up with random stuff. it keeps a sort of barrier up between myself and this blog in which i oftentimes think of myself as a little ghost or cloud that runs it. i post my stuff, i answer or talk to anyone who chimes in, and i leave.

if you ever have any specific fic questions, i can answer them, it isn't a problem - i just am super shy and don't wanna assume ppl care or burst any meaning a reader might have put on the fic from their own heart/brain if that makes sense? so i'd answer them but i'd just put them behind a cut so ppl can skip them if they want and also because i love the false sense of control i feel putting things behind a cut like i am ~hiding lol.

i'm hoping to post part two sometime later this week cuz i am still wrapping up part three and have to edit part two lol.

[danpuff-ao3]

55 + 81 for the long ass ask game 🫶

Haha! It is quite long 🤣 Thanks for wading through them and finding some asks to send! 🫶

55.) do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I sat here way too long looking at my Scrivener files, wondering if I considered anything truly abandoned.

Without taking into consideration the slaughterhouse of WIPs that is my ffnet account 🤣

In ye olden days, I posted first to AFF, then to ffnet, then to various HP specific sites such as HPFandom. My very first fic was abandoned because I was 13 at the time and undiagnosed ADHD 😂 Then I moved onto my "danniperson" username and wrote two massive projects that are, yes, now abandoned. There are many projects there I started and stopped, but the biggest ones were Lost and Damned and Resistance.

I linked them even though I really don't recommend anyone read them. 😂 For one, they're both huge. 368k and 256k respectively. Secondly, they're both abandoned. So...big and abandoned, yep. Third, and most importantly, this was like a decade ago. My writing has improved tremendously since then.

I was also writing the first version of The Best Kept Secrets back then. (Original version vs rewrite/completed version.) A few issues came into play around that time that basically sent my writing drive to a screeching halt.

I was 20 in 2012. I'd just survived a friendship breakup with a longtime friend and the end of an engagement. I'd quit college after three semesters to work full time. I'd moved away from home, then suddenly back home. I didn't know what I was doing with my life. I felt like a failure. My mental health was trash. And, as ever, I was over-critical and over-achieving.

Lost and Damned Chapter 1 was posted August 20, 2011. Chapter 80 was posted March 1, 2012. 80 chapters; 368,418 words; all in 196 days.

Resistance Chapter 1 was posted November 23, 2011. Chapter 36 was posted October 17, 2012. 36 chapters; 256,318 words; all in 329 days.

Between those two projects alone: 624,736 words in 424 days. And I was trying other projects in that time period, too!

In fact, let me tally up my total word count for the years of 2011 and 2012.

Earliest start date: August 20, 2011

Latest end date: October 17, 2012

Total days: 424

Total words: 748,812

That's...a lot.

So TL;DR: I was burned out. (Also a beta reader had me feeling like garbage, but that's a whole other story.)

I was burned out, insecure, and depressed and eventually couldn't keep going on. I took a break.

Funnily enough, I came back to writing in 2015 which was...right around the time my life was getting better! I was committed to my mental health. I got a new, good job. I moved out of my dad's house and on my own. And the groove came back, baby!

But by then, too much time had passed. I was older, distanced from those works, and just plain better with writing. There is no going back, really. (Which is a shame for Lost and Damned because I was so dang close to the finish line.) (Depressingly close, ngl.)

And of the two, I've had thoughts of maybe rewriting/continuing Resistance, though it would be in a very different form. The Snarry plotline might be close-ish to the original, but it would undergo a full makeover. Only the original concept would more or less be untouched. Even then, who knows if it will happen; I'd like to! I felt like I had a solid grasp on soulmates and the Soul Bond in that one that I think I could explore better nowadays, as well as expanding on the magical theory in other areas as well.

Anyway that's enough babbling about that question, NEXT.

81.) if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

Chill out. Seriously, chill out. Those expectations about writing you have? Toss 'em out the door. There are no rules. You are the goddess, you make the dang rules. Have fun!

Also: don't let other people's opinions get to you. Other people's opinions are trash anyhow. I mean, idk, what's a politer way of saying that? Basically: everyone has preferences and that's fine, but no one is the master or the rulemaker. There are people out there who do like what you do because they have excellent taste. Your writing is going to impact someone besides just you. And if honoring yourself, honoring your creativity and your whims and your passions is going to reach someone, anyone, that's worth more than bowing beneath other people's expectations and preferences anyway. Can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself! And your like two fans who also have very specific niche preferences. 😂

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