#bex said i keep telling it about this so i need to announce this here

[queerkuro]

i have never once thought of taketora as cis that is a trans man

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Snow Globe Feeling

Elijah x reader requested by @iiskittles16ii

"Could you do a fluffy Elijah x reader where they are at a Christmas ball :))" || Here lies my Masterlist.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2,833

If you would like to make a request this holiday season just check out this post for details: Christmas At The Compound

"One of you morons better be ready to catch me because I am going to fall," You announced as you struggled to hang the last of the lights. You had been planning and working towards a perfect Christmas Charity Ball for LGBTQ youth and after more than enough stressing, the night was finally here.

"I'll always be happy to catch you, as long as it's me you're falling for, darling." Kol strode over and flashed you a cheeky grin only to be shoved away by Elijah. This only served to further offset your balance seeing as you were perched rather precariously on the latter's shoulders. You shrieked, feeling yourself tip about an inch to the right.

"Don't do that!" You complained smacking your boyfriend on the arm. He was the one who had insisted there was no need to grab a ladder for the task at hand, seeing as it could take no longer than five minutes.

"You say that as if I'm going to drop you," He chuckled, trying his best to stay still for you. "I'm not!"

"You may not do it on purpose but I'm still gonna fall and rupture my spleen!" You insisted, continuing to wrestle with the Christmas lights.

Elijah rolled his eyes. "As I recall, you had your spleen removed when you were six," He pointed out.

"It's here in spirit, Eli," You insisted. You tacked the last strand of lights into place and clapped your hands at how wonderful it looked. Nik had offered to have some servants do the decorating but you had adamantly refused. Mostly because you hated anyone doing things for you (especially if they were compelled to) but also because you had a very specific vision for tonight and there was not a single soul on the planet that you trusted to execute that vision properly. "Okay, we're good. You can let me down now."

"Was that so hard? WHOA!"

You screamed again and squeezed your eyes shut, bracing for an impact that never came. A round of laughter met your ears. You opened one eye... then the other.

"Y/N?" Elijah voiced hesitantly.

"You... pretended... to trip?" You ground out.

"I'm sorry," Elijah laughed as he lowered you gently to the ground. "I'm sorry! I simply couldn't resist." As soon as you were situated on solid ground you twisted on your heel and crossed your arms over your chest.

"You, sir, better find some way to apologize, because if you don't then I will find some way to turn you into the ghost of Christmas past. Are we clear?" You threatened.

"As crystal." He nodded, trying to resist the smile creeping onto his face.

"Good." You turned back around and started for the stairs. "Bekah! You ready?" You shouted, running off.

Meanwhile, Kol wandered back toward Elijah, who stood shaking his head at your antics.

"An apology, eh?" Kol asked, jabbing his brother in the ribs.

"Indeed," Elijah said, shoving back.

"Well, good luck coming up with something she'll accept," Kol smirked.

"Any ideas?" He asked.

"None whatsoever," The younger brother declared, clapping Elijah on the back. "Good luck!"

"I'll need it," The older brother muttered. Kol nodded his agreement.

"You better treat her right, brother," He warned, walking in the opposite direction as you had. "Or else I might just have to kill you in your sleep and take your girl!"

"She'd never go for you!" Elijah shouted over his shoulder.

"Keep telling yourself that!"

***

"Bekah!" You yelled, running barefoot through the halls. "Bex! Where are you?"

"I'm right here!" She huffed, stepping in front of you. "And could you please stop with the shouting? I can hear what your going to say from across the house before you even say it!"

"Nah." You waved a hand. "It gets the point across."

Rebekah rolled her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder how my brother puts up with you."

You looked away. "Me too."

Rebekah's expression quickly morphed into one of sympathy. "Oh, sweetheart. Did you snap at him again?" She asked. You just nodded.

"I didn't mean to!" You defended. "I just-"

"Ah! Ah! No deep talks in the hallways," She playfully chastised. "Freya! It's time to get your hot chick on!"

"Uh, oh." Was all you managed to get out before the youngest Mikaelson dragged you by the arm to her vanity.

"I'm here!" Freya announced, coming in behind the two of you and closing the door behind her.

"Perfect!" Bekah exclaimed. "You're just in time!"

"In time for what?" Freya asked innocently. "Wait, this isn't a 'girl talk' is it?"

"That's exactly what it is," You deadpanned. An expression of genuine terror crossed Freya's face.

"Oh, in that case, I'm not here. I am very much not here." She moved for the door but Bekah was blocking it before she could reach it.

"Don't you want to support our future sister in law?" She said, only slightly accusingly.

"W-whoa! Who said anything about that?" You sputtered. Both Freya and her younger sister shot you a glance.

"Have you seen how my brother looks at you?" Freya said, raising a brow. She turned back to Rebekah. "And of course I do."

"Then why are you attempting to scamper off?" The youngest sibling countered.

"Because I'm not good at feelings." She said the word as if it were something foreign and gross.

"You don't have to be," Rebekah insisted. "You just have to represent." She left her older sister no time to argue as she made her way back over to where you sat. "So, what did you threaten my brother with this time?" She asked as she forcibly combed your unruly hair.

"I said I'd turn him into the ghost of Christmas past..." You admitted, fidgeting a little. Bekah threw her head back and laughed.

"Oh, that's a good one! Why'd you use it?"

"I climbed up on his shoulders and he pretended to drop me," You said.

"And?" Bekah prodded.

"And he knows I'm afraid of heights!"

"So you got mad at him for pushing you out of your comfort zone?" Freya asked. "What's bad about that?"

"Nothing!" You insisted. "And I wasn't mad, really. I didn't mean to snap at him. I meant to be teasing but it just came out wrong."

"I'm sure he knows how you meant it," Freya assured you. "We all know you have a delivery problem."

"Yeah, but how long's he really gonna put up with it for?" You worried, your voice dropping abashedly. "How many freebies do I get?"

"What do you mean, Y/N?" Bekah asked softly. "Elijah adores you."

"For how long?" You demanded. The sisters still didn't seem to understand. "You know how I collect snow globes?"

"Yes?" Freya answered.

"Well, I just feel like all this is a snow globe. It's all pretty and perfect and downright magical, but once it cracks there's no fixing it. Once it cracks, everything goes back to the way it was, and I can't-" You cut yourself off, trying not to cry.

"You can cry, Y/N. I haven't done your makeup yet," Rebekah said. You nodded at that a buried your face in your hands.

"I can't live in a world where I came close to having everything I wanted only to lose it all when I wake up! I can't do that." You said. Your shoulders shook until you felt a comforting hand come to rest on your back. You glanced up to see Freya giving you a comforting smile.

"You are literally the cute librarian in a Hallmark movie, Y/N. Elijah is lucky to have you, and he isn't going to leave you over a tone delivery problem," She said. "Nothing is going to go wrong tonight, so you can stop worrying."

"But what if-"

Rebekah clamped her hand over your mouth. "Nope! That's the anxiety talking." You tried to mumble something past her hand but had no such luck. "What do we say when the Anxiety tries to get the best of us?" She removed her hand.

"Shove off?"

"Indeed!"

***

"Eli, where's your little brother?" You asked, frantically looking around the ballroom.

"Merry Christmas to you as well," He chuckled, pushing a strand of hair away from your face. You turned to him with a sympathetic expression.

"Sorry," You muttered. "I really didn't mean what I said earlier."

"I know." He smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Of course." Elijah grasped your hand in his. "If you were really angry, you would have cried."

"Angry tears," You corrected.

"Yes, angry tears," He agreed. "You know I love you."

"Yeah!" You tried to keep a cheery smile on your face but your brain still asked: 'How long?' It was almost as if your boyfriend could read your mind, or perhaps he'd just learned to recognize your worried face. He sent you a gentle smile.

"Kol is attempting to sneak his way over to the refreshment table," He said.

"Weapon of choice?" You asked.

"Vodka," He replied.

"Oh that little-" You squeezed his hand. "I'll be right back." Then you scampered off to locate the refreshments. When you found them, Kol was not far behind you.

"Hey," You greeted casually. The boy froze.

"Merry Christmas, darling!" He cheered, deliberately keeping one arm behind his back. You raised your brows at his attempt and he somehow managed to keep a straight face. "Beautiful party." He complimented.

"Thanks." You nodded. "It would be a shame if someone did something to spice things up this early."

"Oh, yes," He agreed. "Bloody shame."

"I'm going to have to call you out on it, aren't I?"

"Most likely."

"Hand over the hooch, Kol," You deadpanned.

"Fine!" The boy reluctantly drew his arm from behind his back and dropped the bottle of alcohol into your awaiting hand. "You're a right holly jolly stick in the mud," He mumbled.

"There are teenagers here. I'm not dealing with them drunk," You sighed. "If you try to spike the eggnog again, I swear I'll-"

"Make me into the ghost of Christmas Past?" He guessed.

"Oh, no. I'll just burn your presents," You replied.

"Ah... understood."

"Great. I'm watching you. Merry Christmas, Kol." You wandered off to find Elijah again.

You ran into several guests on your way to him, and you made sure to check that each and every person was having a good time. Eventually, you found yourself completely lost in the midst of the crowd. You spun around, the lights you had set up looked too bright all of a sudden and you felt trapped. There were too many people and the music was too loud and you still had so much to do before Christmas came. Your threat to Kol hadn't even been valid because you had yet to get anyone any presents and despite your warning, he was probably already back to spiking the eggnog. But maybe that was a good thing because maybe everyone here was just faking. Maybe everyone was bored, maybe nobody even wanted to be here. You felt like you were trapped in a snowglobe. Everyone was expecting everything to be perfect because you were responsible and all the Mikaelsons were perfect. How could you even dream of living up to them? This was all too much. You couldn't do it. Everything was sure to come crashing down on you at any second!

"May I have this dance?" A calm voice interrupted your panic. The familiar voice of your boyfriend immediately helped settle your nerves and you turned around. There stood Elijah, hand out and waiting for you to take it. Just like always. He was always there. You took his hand and he pulled you to the dance floor. Finally back and safe in his arms, you felt comfortable enough to relax a little. You rested your head on his shoulder and allowed him to lead you through the dance.

"What's got you so rilled up, Elskan?" He asked, spinning you around.

"That bad, huh?" You chuckled as he pulled you back into his chest.

"Not at all. However adept you are at hiding your feelings, I can hear your heartbeat." He sent you a smirk that was only two steps away from smug and you rolled your eyes.

"Of course..."

"So what is it that's bothering you?" He pressed.

You sighed. "All of this, really."

"What do you mean?"

"Let's be honest with ourselves, Eli. Freya's an ultra powerful witch, Finn might as well compete on Iron Chef America, you're you, Nik needs a little help upstairs but he paints the most beautiful pictures, Kol can play Monopoly like nobody's business, and Bekah's probably one of the most beautiful women to ever grace this planet! Don't get me wrong, I love you guys, but I'm never gonna live up to you and your family. I'm just me a-and I've come to terms with that but-"

You hadn't realized that you were rambling until Elijah cut you off.

"But nothing," He said. "You're amazing in your own way."

You shot him a look. "Amazing in my own way? That is raindeer skat, and you know it. I'm about as amazing as a dead Christmas tree."

Elijah laughed at your colorful expression. You had resolved to make as many Christmas-themed references as humanly possible and so far it seemed you were doing rather well. He twirled you around again.

"Have you ever burned a Christmas tree?" He asked.

"No. Why? Is that a thing people do?"

Elijah nodded. "It is, and when you burn a dead Christmas tree, it gives off the most brilliant sparks," He said.

"How brilliant?" You asked. Elijah leaned in closer, whispering in your ear.

"Like the most beautiful fireworks you've ever seen."

Your cheeks went all rosy and you hid your face in his shoulder. "That sounds nice," You mumbled.

"It is." He moved away to look you in the eyes. "As are you."

"I'm not, though." You shook your head and lowered your gaze to your feet. "I'm just me."

"Just you?" He placed a finger under your chin and forced you to look up at him. "Don't you realize who put all this together?" He gestured around to the magnificent decorations gracing the ballroom. "Each and every light meticulously placed, each tree carefully selected, this entire evening is absolutely perfect. All because of you. And I don't know what you threatened Kol with but he seems to be on his best behavior. I can count the number of people who have managed that on one hand."

Elijah was right, you decided. Your anxiety had gotten the best of you for long enough. 'Frick this, it's Christmas,' you thought.

"I suppose it is pretty great," You admitted. "But you know what could make it all that much better?"

"What?" Your boyfriend asked, a proud smile finding its way to his lips.

"Some snow," You said.

"Ah, true." He nodded. "I have been dreaming of a white Christmas as of late." You giggled at his choice of words. "If you can do it, I can do it too. Now, why don't we head ouside for a bit, it's getting a little stuffy in here."

You narrowed your eyes a bit but followed him from the ballroom nonetheless. "What are you plotting, Eli?" You asked as he pulled you towards the front doors.

"Nothing much." He smirked at you and you knew he was up to something.

Pushing open the front doors he pulled you out into the chilly winter air and continued with your dance. "What's going on?" You pressed, unable to keep the laughter from your voice.

"Wait for it..."

Not even five seconds after the words left his mouth, hundreds of dazzling snowflakes began to drift down from the sky. You looked up in disbelief and caught one on your tongue, the cold stung the roof of your mouth and it almost felt real. You relaxed in Elijah's arms as the notes of Kelly Clarkson's Winter Dream floated out from the ballroom. You couldn't help but sing along.

Don't wake me up

If this is love

Please, let me be

Swept completely off my feet

This snow globe scene is turning me

This Christmas Eve, "I" became "We"

Don't wake me please

From this winter dream

"It's not a dream, Y/N," Elijah softly reminded.

"It feels like one," You said. "It feels like I'm in a snow globe."

"You're not. You're here and I'm never going to abandon you. Not for anything." He said, looking you straight in the eyes.

"Promise me?"

"You have my word."

For the first time in a week you allowed yourself to smile, really smile. You stood on your toes and pressed your lips against his in a wonderful winter kiss.

"Merry Christmas, Elijah."

"Merry Christmas, Y/N."

[specterchasing-a]

Coming Clean || Eddie & Bex

TIMING: Wednesday, June 23rd

PARTIES: @inbextween​ & @specterchasing​

LOCATION: Eddie’s Apartment

SUMMARY: Eddie finally has a chance to tell Bex the truth.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Internalized homophobia tw

Two days ago, Bex’s heart stopped beating, and today Eddie planned to break up with her. He would understand if she ended hating him, he kind of did too. Not for being gay, but for involving her in his repression-fueled fantasy. Building a relationship where denial served as a linchpin would have been a lousy decision no matter what. Doing so with Bex, an incontestably wonderful girl with too much already on her plate, placed him on the leaderboard for the world’s biggest scumbags. The more he thought about it, the more Morgan’s worst-case scenario sounded like a pipedream.

As per usual, he picked her up at the docks not far from where they shared their first kiss. Eddie tried not to think about that night at the karaoke bar as she settled into the passenger seat, but failed immediately. If divine punishment existed, it was probably reserved for guys who dumped girls that liked them enough to kiss them in front of an audience. He wondered how the people who cheered them on would feel if they could see them now. Shockingly, the imaginary crowd didn’t help calm his nerves.

“Hey,” Eddie squeaked as he gripped the steering wheel so tightly it turned his knuckles white. “Good to see you.” He put the car in drive and navigated them towards the road. The song playing from the car’s speakers faded into silence before the next one kicked off. Eddie didn’t recognize it until the vocals chimed in.

Now I’ve had—

Eddie hit the radio’s power button and plunged them into awkward silence, now certain he’d been onto something with his theory about divine punishment.

She could do this. Bex took in a deep breath as she waited on the bench by the ferry, where she always waited for Eddie. It gave her the perfect view of the road, as far down as the sharp turn left that took you away from Amity and towards Downtown, as well as of the ocean, reaching out beyond the horizon. Ever since she’d found out about Mina, every body of water reminded her of her. It was just another of many things that did. And then the guilt would start. Especially because today she was meeting with Eddie. 

She didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, but it was something big and probably serious. And so she’d put on her best “I'm Fine!” face and made sure her smile reached just enough of her eyes when she saw Eddie’s car pulling around the corner. She couldn’t let the nothingness consume her, she knew that, but forcing it felt wrong and raw. She could fake it, though. She was really good at faking being okay. She’d done it for twenty years and sometimes she forgot she might not need to do it for another twenty. 

The car pulled up and she waved at him, like she always did, before straining to lift herself from the bench. Her heart pumped loud in her chest and she put a hand over it to calm it down. “Hey,” she said gently, smiling, “thanks for picking me up, like always. I-- feel like it’s been so long since I’ve seen you.” Was she supposed to hug him? Kiss him hello? She didn’t know and it felt wrong, when she’d just kissed Mina a few days ago. She slid into the front seat. “Are you doing-- okay? With-with everything?”

All in all, Bex seemed like she always did. Eddie couldn’t fathom walking away from what she’d been through without losing himself altogether, but it would have been a mistake to underestimate her resilience. He appreciated that she didn’t greet him with affection. It would’ve only made what he needed to do more difficult.

“Uhm, well,” Eddie stalled after her question. ‘Okay’ wasn’t how he would describe his current state, but he preferred to avoid introspection. Other people had it worse, Bex included. He didn’t need to pile his problems on top of hers. “Yeah, all things considered.” His anxiety slowly began to ebb as they picked up where they left off. Even now, Bex managed to have a soothing effect on him.

“How about you?” Eddie glanced over at her as he drove. He needed to make sure she was stable enough to cope with a break-up. Otherwise, he’d need to suck up his reservations about playing the role of her boyfriend a little longer. “I mean, we don’t have to go into it if you don’t want to, but I won’t lie and say I’m not worried about you.”

“I’m--” Bex started, but she didn’t know how she was. “--dealing.” It was the closest she’d get to the truth, for now. She didn’t want to lie to Eddie, but she couldn’t tell him the truth, not yet. Her pain was just hurting other people, and she needed to not be that for him. She owed it to him. If she was just using him for safety, she owed that to him. She hoped one day, he’d forgive her. She gave a brief smile. “It’s a lot, but I’ll be okay. I have Morgan and Mi--” she paused, “--my other friends.” She licked her lips. “I have people.”

The car ride wasn’t exactly a long one, they’d made it so many times. From the ferry to Eddie’s place, but it felt like ages. “I know you’re worried, and I-- I won’t tell you not to be, because I know that’s hard right now. But don’t-- don’t think you have to focus on me. I don’t know how well you knew-- everyone. Everything.” 

Eddie hoped he counted as one of the people Bex felt she could rely on, but recent evidence suggested otherwise. When it came to sharing her feelings or even being open about how she spent her time, he clearly didn’t register as someone she was comfortable confiding in. It stung, but Eddie harbored secrets too. It would be hypocritical to expect Bex to lay out the truth for him when he couldn’t offer her the same candor.

“I only met Adam once,” Eddie said quietly. He knew Bex’s comment referred to more than the recently dead hunter, but it was hard not to think about him specifically. “He saved my life.” Nervousness gave way to a sinking feeling in his chest.

“I’m worried about everyone right now, but especially you and Nell. I guess that’s the price of caring, I don’t really have a say in the matter.”

Eddie pulled into his apartment building’s parking lot and came to a stop in his usual parking space. “I know you hate it when I do this,” he said, looking at Bex. “But I’m gonna open the door for you.” With that out of the way, he exited the car and circled around to the passenger side to make good on his word. 

“The elevator’s been out of order since its brief stint as a portal to hell, so we’ll have to take the stairs,” Eddie informed Bex as he held out his hand for her. “You think you can manage that, or is it human-crutch time?”

Bex didn’t get why everyone kept saying that. They were worried about Nell and her, but Bex wasn’t the one who had lost someone. Bex wasn’t the one who had been trapped in a hell dimension for over two weeks. Bex wasn’t the one who had died. She didn’t say anything, just shook her head and smiled sadly. “I’m so worried about Nell,” she admitted quietly, “but I don’t know how to help her. So I’m just-- focusing on what I can do, and who I can help.” They pulled up to his building and he parked and she reached for the handle, when suddenly he was announcing he’d get the door.

She didn’t have the heart to argue and just nodded. “Right, okay. Just this once, though,” she agreed, watching him walk around and open it. She pulled herself out, standing up. Her body didn’t hurt as much as ache, now that the healer had done his work and made things less-- painful. Maybe that wasn’t quite the word, but it was close enough. “I can walk! Honestly. No leg injuries this time.” Just heart palpitations and a burn that rose up every time she moved too much.  It still felt like asking him too much. “Lead the way.”

Eddie refrained from offering his opinions on Nell’s situation. The only help she could be given was confidence in her safety net. Friends and family being there for her would ease the pain, but nothing would rid her of it completely. Adam’s death and the grief it brought her would be something she carried for the rest of her life. Over time, she might learn how to have good days again, but reminders would wait around every corner. Grief, after it introduces itself, never leaves for long.

The two of them traversed the stairs in silence while Eddie’s anxiety returned in full-swing. After three flights, he opened a door that led to a long hallway of apartments. His eyes lingered on Alfie’s as he led Bex to his own. He made sure Silas knew not to be around for today. An imaginary audience was bad enough.

Bucket rushed to greet them at the front door. As per usual, he showed how bad of a guard-dog he would be by not barking. Eddie picked up the Pomeranian currently shaking with noiseless excitement and kicked the door shut with his heel.

“So,” he ventured. His mouth felt uncomfortably dry. “You thirsty, or anything?” He hoped she was. Eddie would take any excuse he could get to prolong the inevitable.

Bex followed him up the stairs and slunk behind just enough to let her expression fall for a moment. Keeping up her facade felt harder now, for some reason, when she couldn’t quite access the feelings inside of her. She just wanted to not think about any of that stuff, she wanted to think about other stuff. Better stuff, happy stuff. She perked back up as soon as they were at the door, inside, and she gave a gentle smile. “I, uh-- no, not really,” she answered, shaking her head. She really just wanted to get this over with, whatever it was. She didn’t know, how could she possibly know? She’d been bad to him lately, and she felt increasingly more guilty about it, the longer they stood there. 

“So, what was it that you wanted to talk about?” she asked, moving further into the apartment. She’d found comfort here in a lot of ways, but something felt as if it were sitting in the room with them, and she assumed it was whatever Eddie wanted to talk to her about. “It seemed pretty urgent.”

Eddie’s hope collapsed when Bex tackled the elephant in the room. “Right, that,” he said with a sigh. He lowered Bucket to the floor and attempted to steel himself. Whatever it was that he said to Morgan when the two of them acted out this very scenario was now completely inaccessible to him now. Eddie’s heart pounded loudly in his ears while he tried to piece together a new script.

“Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I really do care about you and… that I’m sorry,” Eddie began, crossing his arms over his chest as he spoke. Words weren’t coming to him easily. Every thought in his head sounded disjointed and scared. He decided to approach the situation as if he were ripping off a band-aid. “I’m gay, Bex.” Eddie couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “I knew that when we got together, but I didn’t want it to be true and I thought dating you would, I dunno, fix me, I guess.” His lips pursed. “I’m sorry,” he said for the second time.

Bucket plodded over to Bex and she bent down to pet the excitable dog, looking up at Eddie. He looked nervous. And he was looking at her strangely, and then he was apologizing. Oh, was he breaking up with her? She shouldn’t have been relieved. He provided something for her that she needed-- normalcy. Protection. But that was selfish. That was so selfish to think. She pulled her hand away and stood up, tilting her head. He wasn’t looking at her anymore, he had more to say, and then-- “Oh.” Oh. Eddie was...gay. That-- made sense. It made sense. It really did. How hadn’t she seen it? How hadn’t she known? Probably because she still had a blindfold down over her own eyes, buried herself deep in that closet. It was safe back there.

“You’re-- oh.” No, no, she needed to say something else. Not just Oh. She needed to say something else. “That’s-- wow. You’re--” Me, too. She wanted to say, but the words made her heart seize. Was this how Eddie had felt? Bex was a coward. “I-- I’m sorry. I didn’t know. But I-- I’m happy for you. Really! I am. I’m glad you could figure that out, I’m just sorry I--” she wasn’t sure what she was sorry about, she just knew she was sorry. “Didn’t realize. It’s...it’s okay. That you knew, before.” He wanted to be reassured, right? She shook her head and walked towards him, holding out her hand. “Hey,” she called to him, “I’m not mad. This-- this was really brave of you. Really. I’m glad you told me. I don’t want to make you live a life you’re not happy with.”

Bex’s initial reaction caused Eddie’s heart to stall in his chest, but the words that followed replaced terror with confusion. His gaze slowly found hers. An apology was the last thing he expected to hear her say. Instead of hating him, she almost sounded relieved. With all she’d been through, he guessed that made sense. Their relationship never seemed to offer her much comfort, so its ending only meant one less thing to worry about.

When she offered her hand, Eddie gladly took it. “You’re… sure it’s okay?” He didn’t know why he asked that, her answer didn’t have the power to change anything. “Thank you, Bex.” Eddie gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Really, I can’t tell you how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me, but… especially this.” A tentative smile tugged at the corners of his lips. “Does this mean we’re still friends?”

Bex gave a small laugh, a genuine laugh, the first time in days, but she laughed and it felt good. “Yes, Eddie, I’m sure,” she shrugged, “not sure my answer would be able to change how you feel, how you are, anyway. And I wouldn’t want it to. You-- all I want is for you to be happy. You know that, right?” She hoped he knew that. She squeezed his hand back. “No need to thank me, really. I’m just doing what should be done, what any friend would do.” What she hoped her friends would do for her, when she finally could be safe about it, too. If ever. “Of course we are. We were friends before we were-- you know, whatever this was. We’re still friends.” 

She tried to keep herself stable, as she looked at him, and she realized her last line of defense was falling. If she had to go home and tell her parents that she was single again, what was to say they wouldn’t just give up on her right then and there? Her smile soured. “Are you...okay? About all this?”

Eddie’s smile grew and lost its nervousness. The longer Bex spoke, the more his anxiety melted away. He still had a long way to go before the truth about his identity stopped being something he lost sleep over, but having people in his life accept and even support him made it easier to stomach. “That’s all I want for you too,” he softly replied.

He took a deep breath after her follow-up question, not noticing the way her smile suddenly seemed less genuine. “I think so,” he said with a nod. “Most days are pretty up and down in regards to this particular topic, but… I’ve got a lot of people in my corner, it seems.” Alfie, Morgan, Silas, and now Bex. So far, everyone he told responded positively. “So, yeah, don’t waste time worrying about me. I’m gonna be just fine.”

[doof-doofblog]

"I Think That's It!"

Thursday 14th January 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope your week is going well so far, I'm really looking forward to reviewing today's episode! I feel there's a lot of emotion and drama going on in the soap right now, still so many secrets and lies to be exposed! I do believe that a new EastEnders trailer has gone out, I have say it looks absolutely brilliant, very exciting with confrontations between Frankie and Mick and then Ash and Suki!! Ooooo it's all going to kick off!! I'm really looking forward to seeing what's due to happen within the next couple of episodes! But back to this episode, I won't waste anymore of your time and jump straight into it!

Okay, so there's a few things I want to talk about. The first thing I'll mention first is Iqra! I do get the feeling that her relationship with Ash is kind of on the rocks, they seem to be disagreeing on things a lot. Plus Ash seems to have a big interest in Peter all of a sudden! During the scene where Iqra and Ash are sat alone in the Cafe, Peter enters and no surprise, Suki follows after a while. However as Iqra and Ash make themselves scares after Suki makes a comment on them staying up too late the night before, did anyone notice that she implied that she and Peter had slept together?! Peter orders himself a drink, to which to interrupts and offers to pay for it, telling him to enjoy his drink - to which she made a disgusting comment that she "Enjoyed" her time with him the previous night! Firstly - Ewwwww! - I don't know what your opinion is on Peter and Suki, but personally, I really don't like it! But I do have a feeling that Iqra is going to have another love interest soon! - The new girl at the Prince Albert - Mila! If she is going to become a regular character and we're going to see more of her, I think it would be nice to give her a storyline. We've already seen her beat Kim to win a job at the Albert, also seen her chatting up Frankie, and now she's been introduced to Iqra. What's not to say that Iqra and Mila begin get grow a close bond and eventually fall for one another? It would be nice to see Iqra in a happy relationship, as I feel right now, she's not happy with Ash. What do you guys think? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this possible theory?!

The second thing I want to talk about is the Carter's. Shirley is determined to find her little sister, much to Gray's frustration and panic. Before Mick arrives to accompany her to the police station regarding her attack on Katy, Shirley makes a call, which is later to be revealed as one of Tina's friends, as she desperately tries to search for her sister. As she does so, Gray is looking even more worried, for his own sake. He tries to convince her not to make any calls to Tina as it will makes things look bad on Tina as well as Shirley herself! Later when Shirley and Mick arrive back from the police station, they both inform Linda that Katy isn't going to press charges on Shirley for her attack. (Deep down I'm thinking it's because she doesn't want her own crimes being revealed!) But it's during this moment, when Mick and Linda begin to fret that Tina still hasn't been in touch with any of them, Shirley reveals to them that she actually received a text from Tina, informing them that she actually had attacked Ian. Instantly, things don't make sense to the Carter family, they believe that what the message is saying isn't true. But Mick makes the valid point that even if they don't believe it, they have no proof to show that she actually is innocent. It's then that Linda takes a huge gamble and requests to speak to Max. Since Linda ended their fling, Max has been down in the dumps and moping ever since. So when he gets a message from Linda asking that they talk, he goes round to her apartment when no one else is around. She informs Max that she's sorry for the way she treated him, but regardless of sticking by her husband, she does still care for him and treasures his friendship. But she then turns the subject onto more important matters and informs him that she's worried about Tina, even though that Tina has sent them a message almost admitting to attacking Ian, the only way to prove that it wasn't her was to give the police the weapon. Now we all know that the weapon used to attack Ian was the blue Lucy Beale Award, which Max ended up stealing and burying in an attempt to save Linda. The big thing here is, is that Linda is basically asking him to give up the weapon to put Tina out of the frame, but I don't think she realises that it could make Max look guilty of attacking Ian instead, and Max makes a very valid point here, even though he cares deeply for Linda, he refuses to go back to prison for anyone! Why should he also help her family after what's happened between him and Linda? I get Linda is just trying to help her family, but honestly - I think she needs to find another way, approaching Max is the wrong way to go about it.  

Thirdly, let's talk about Martin and Ruby, shall we?! When we first see them, Martin appears to have gotten off the phone to, I'm assuming, Sonia or Bex, and he happily informs his wife that he's going to be going away to see his daughter. Ruby has a face like thunder, she is clearly unhappy and as soon as Martin tells her his plans, she has the audacity lie once again to him to reminding him that she's pregnant. I hate to say it but I loved the way Martin responded with "I didn't think I'd have to ask your permission to see my daughter!". Ruby states that since she's told her husband about her pregnancy, he hasn't shown her the slightest bit of interest, however Martin puts on a front saying that he's happy that she's carrying his child, but as he leaves the room, we can see that he still doesn't feel right about it. However, later on Martin bumps into Sharon with little Albie in the park. As they begin talking, Martin reveals to her that Ruby is pregnant, even though it wasn't planned. As she congratulates him, he questions how show manages to cope, knowing that her son Albie was born on the same day she lost her other son, and also happens to mention that he never thought he'd see the day when she and Ian would be married. It's at this point when Sharon has to put on a front and basically lies to Martin, informing that even though it wasn't the future or family that she had planned, somehow it works for her. Her words must play on Martin's mind though, as later, returning to Ruby, she's alone in the house and reaches for a bottle of wine from the shelf, only to be interrupted by the front door opening, she quickly puts it back. Martin enters and comes with a peace offering, he reveals he has bought some baby items such as a baby grow, little boots and a teddy and informs his wife that she'll make an incredible Mum. Ruby seems completely overwhelmed by his surprise baby gifts, but the realisation sinks in when she realises she has to pregnant fast, before Martin becomes suspicious! What on Earth will she do? Could she convince Martin to sleep with her? Or would she have to take extreme measures and get pregnant by somebody else?!

The next thing I want to talk about is Sheree and Patrick. Trying to avoid the situation which is happening with her husband, Sheree is keeping herself busy at the salon. Cleaning things making everything look absolutely spotless, regardless of the fact that her first client isn't due for a long while. Suddenly Stacey and Jean enter, announcing that it's Jean's birthday and she's eager to get rid of the dark eyebrows that Mo has applied for her. Sheree takes it upon herself to help Jean out and stating that she has all the time in the world to help her. During Jean's time in the salon, Kim steps in and confronts Sheree about not visiting Patrick in the hospital after his stroke, she states that if she doesn't step up she'll be disowned by family. Jean witnesses this confrontation and sees the devastating look in Sheree's eyes, she takes it upon herself to console the poor woman and informs her that families can be hard to talk to if they don't understand the upset and hurt you're feeling. It's then that Jean begins to tell Sheree all about Daniel and his aspect of life, regardless of knowing he was dying from cancer, he lived every day to the full and didn't let it get him down, he was strong and was right up until the very end. I believe it's these words which really hit home for Sheree, after Jean's wise words, she rushes to the hospital to be at her husbands bedside. Meanwhile poor Patrick has been asking Isaac for his wife, even questioning why he's there when she should be at school - however what Isaac says really moves me, "I have to be here for my Dad!" - Is this the first time he ever called Patrick "Dad"? Even so, it was so moving, the look in both of their eyes was so warm. Eventually Sheree arrives at the hospital, Patrick is happy to see her but also informs her that he doesn't want her to be his carer, as that was not what she signed up for when they got married - however, Sheree informs her husband that she won't be going anywhere, she's going to remain at his side during this knock back in his health, but informs him that he will be taking all the medication he needs and following the doctors instructions.

Now, I've mentioned her already but I need to talk about Jean, we need to talk about Jean. I've said it before and I've said it again, what an absolutely inspirational woman! Regardless of coming to terms with her own personal situation, she's still wanting to help out everyone around her, previously it was Dotty and Iqra, today it was Sheree. I have to be honest, I absolutely LOVED the fact that she talked about Daniel again, even though he was such a small part of the soap, his role was very very important and he plays such a huge part in Jean's life, we need to make sure he's not forgotten, and Jean continuing to talk about him is just perfect, even if it is quite sad. After getting her eyebrows fixed and getting dressed up in another gorgeous dress (She's been wearing some stunning dresses recently!) she begins to record a video of herself. At first, I know it sounds silly, but I genuinely thought she was doing a video for Daniel, even though he wouldn't be able to see it, I just thought it would've been a way for her to still kind of talk to him, if you get what I mean? But as she continued the video and talking to the camera, I think it became clear that the video she was recording is actually intended for Stacey and the rest of the family. In the video, she announces that devastatingly that she feels in herself that the cancer has returned, even though she hasn't had it confirmed, she can feel it. Not only does she announce this but she also states that she's taken the drastic decision not to have treatment this time around, she wants to live the rest of her life to the full and be just like Daniel. She doesn't want the family to worry and to accept her decision. I did find this very emotional to watch, I mentioned this in my previous post but I can't applaud Gillian Wright enough for her performance as Jean, she is absolutely incredible actress. The only thing that plays on my mind though however is that, I would be incredibly devastated if they were to kill her off. Jean has been such a breath of fresh air in EastEnders, even during her absolute lowest moments, everyone loves her and wants her to fight through the toughest times. I truly believe that the Slater family will be lost without her, the whole Square would be lost without Jean - Oh I love her so much!

I know there are plenty of storylines happening at the moment, and with the recent trailer which has been released, I can't wait to see it all unfold. But Jean's storyline is the one that really going to keep me guessing the most I think, I hope to God that her cancer hasn't returned, or maybe it's something completely different and not cancer - (I don't know?) - But either way, I just hope Jean will be okay and EastEnders don't kill her off! What do you guys think? How do you feel about Jean's current story? Are there any storylines that are keeping you gripped at this moment in time, how do you feel about them all and what are your thoughts and theories?! I'd love to hear what you have to say, please feel free to leave me a message or a comment, I'll always respond! Thanks again folks! Enjoy the rest of your weekend and I'll be back very soon! Love you all xXx

[boat-dock]

Rebekah

A oneshot where Rebekah surprised Hope at the Salvator school with some wedding planning and quality family time. 

Lizzie had Hope running around the school all morning doing useless odds and ins. She honestly should have seen right through it but she had been so lonely recently that she was happy to spend whatever time she could with her friend. They finally stopped for a break just after lunch when they met up with the boys for a saturday study session in the library. Things were just a little off, like everyone knew something that she didn’t.

She didn’t ask even though she wanted to, she instead chose to focus on the history of magic paper she was trying to write, emphasis on trying. Nothing she did made her focus on her school work, perhaps it was some sixth sense she had to know when something was about to go down. She braced herself for a monster or an invasion, anything that would warrant these strange feelings, what ended up happening was much much worse.

Her senses were piqued by a faint familiar smell and the clicking of heels moving closer to where she sat. She snapped her book shut, her attention being drawn in full by the all to familiar figure. 

Her breath hitches as her favorite blonde vampire aunt appears in the doorway, smirking. A million different emotions coarse through her,  excitement and joy being foremost but followed close behind by worry. Her family didn’t come to Mystic Falls, technically they weren’t allowed here, and for her to just show up something major must be happening. The book dropped from her lap to the floor as she rushed to her aunt and through her arms around her. 

“Aunt Rebekah?” she gasped into her hair as Rebekah pulled her closer. 

“Hello darling,” she said, grinning from ear to ear. 

Hope’s worry finally bubbled to the surface, “ What are you doing here? You aren’t supposed to be here.” she gasped pulling away. She could feel her friend's eyes, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. Other than the twins and Landon, none of them knew the specifics about her family, they knew her parents had died but not much else. That’s the way she preferred it, here her past was best kept a secret. 

“ Don’t worry, love, I called ahead.” she grinned motioning behind Hope to where her friends were sitting. 

She spun and glared at them half-heartedly, “ you guys knew?” she asked, shocked, “ Is that why you’ve all been acting so weird today?” 

Lizzie looked far too proud of herself, “ I may have been told to keep you occupied this morning,” she joked causing Hope to roll her eyes. 

“Why?” whatever was going on here she didn’t like being the only one out of the loop. 

Rebekah stepped next to her and laid a hand on her arm, “ Because I have a little surprise,” with that she was led down the hallway, arm and arm with her aunt and her friends following close behind. 

“I’m officially worried,” she mumbled and Rebekah chuckled, “ will someone please tell me what’s going on?” 

The rounded a corner and the hallway came to an end, the only thing there was a door to a classroom that was no longer in use. “ I’m getting married,” Rebekah announced like it was some grand surprise. There was a flurry of congratulations from her friends standing behind them. 

“ Yeah Bex I know,” Hope laughed, taking her hand, “ you’ve been engaged for three years now.”  She and her fiance Marcel had this epic on again off again romance for over 300 years now and honestly Hope was beginning to believe that they would just stay engaged forever. Rebekah has tried to get married many times in her immortal life and they had never ended out well, so maybe they decided that it wasn’t worth the trouble. 

“Well we have finally set a date,” she had a glow about her that warmed Hope from the inside out, “ and now it’s time for you darling to try on your dresses.” 

She should have known. One of her aunt’s favorite pastimes with Hope is to buy her clothes and for her to try them on. Hope didn’t particularly enjoy it - she was never really the dress up type- but she loved spending time with her aunt Rebekah. However something about that statement put her on edge, “ Dresses?” she asked, “ Plural? Why will I need multiple dresses?” 

She received no answer as she was pushed inside the classroom, except it didn’t look like a classroom. The windows were covered in drapes so no one could see in and in the place of the desk was a circular platform in front of a large mirror. There was a rack with three dresses all completely different standing against a folded screen. A couch and multiple chairs surrounding the mirror, and lounging on the couch was a slightly disheveled Josie. 

“ Finally, you’re here,” Josie sighed standing to greet them. She gestured around the newly decorated room, “ so what do you think?” 

Hope laughed, “ So this is where you’ve been all morning.” 

“Yep, Lizzie got the fun job of distracting you and I got manual labor,” she smirked. 

“ Oh please I did all the heavy lifting, Josie magic just helped speed the process up a bit.” Rebekah answered, waving her hand as a signal. A small old lady in a long dress and a pin cushion attached to her wrist. 

Hope watched her as she picked the first dress and made her way to across the room. She beelines straight for Hope and takes her hand, lowering her head respectfully, “ Hello,” hope greets cheerfully, her voice raising at least two octaves,” You must be the seamstress. I’m Hope, what’s your name?” 

The lady didn’t answer, she just smiled and started pulling her behind the screen for her to change. “ She’s mute love, she can’t answer,” Rebekah calls just as she disappeared to get dressed, “ But her name's Rosemary.” 

From there it was a flurry of fabric, so much so that she didn’t get a proper look at the dress until she was being shoved in front of the mirror.  The dress was a dark blue, shorter in the front than in the back with no sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. It was not at all her style, but very flattering. “Something tells me I won’t be walking down the aisle in this dress,” she commented. 

“ Don’t be silly dear, this is your dress for the rehearsal dinner,” that made more sense. Rosemary began the fitting, pinching fabric and sticking her with needles, gladly her wounds healed before any blood could bet on the dress. 

Hope glanced behind, to see the reaction of all of her friends, she would be much more comfortable doing this alone but whatever deal they made with Rebekah seemed to have gotten them seats for the show. “ You look beautiful,” Josie sighed. 

Her face must’ve given away how much she disliked the dress, “ Well if you don’t like it can I have it,” Lizzie asked. Hope was more than happy to oblige her. She had dresses like this coming out of her ears. 

“How many dresses will I be needing Aunt Bex?” she asked, trying to prepare herself not only for that day but the day of the wedding. 

“Three,” Rebekah answered and Hope groaned. 

With the first dress done, she once again disappeared behind the screen. The next dress was far worse. There was a corset and so many layers that Hope didn’t even know the names of. She felt like a cupcake, a blood red cupcake. 

“This one is my favorite,” her aunt announced. She could imagine Rebekah in dresses just like this at lavish parties, living a life of luxury with her brothers. She was aware that she was wearing rose colored glasses, of course those days were filled with horrendous acts of violence and murders. 

“I love the color,” Hope said, pulling forward the one part of the dress she did like. 

“What decade dance is this for again?” Kaleb jabbed at her. Then the flood gates were open, all of her friends were making comments and jokes, she knew it was coming. They meant no harm and it came with the territory of having friends she’d learned. After many eye rolls and labored breaths - from the corset - the fitting ended with the dress considerably shorter and the sleeves taken up. 

The last dress was by far the best. It was a light orange, the color of autumn leaves, floor length with sleeves that flare out. It wasn’t constricting, but light and breathable. “Wow,” she breathed.

“I would’ve worn a dress like this when I was a girl,” Rebekah reminisced, “ well if we could have afforded it.”

“I love it,” she truly meant it. The time period that her family originated from seemed more real to her now than ever before. Knowing that her father and his siblings were born a thousand years ago is very different than seeing a version of it for herself. 

The alterations were relatively quick for this dress, “ Marcel and I decided to have you and Freya dressed in a gown from the time when he was born and a gown from when I was born. “ of course these dresses had some deep meaning, Hope doubted that anything in this wedding would be insignificant, “ Oh and a more modern one just for fun.” 

The outfits were quickly arranged and prepared for travel, soon the room would need to be dismantled but she didn’t feel like worrying about that just yet. Instead she moved and squished herself into the chair that her aunt was sitting in. “ So what did you think of the dresses Bex?” she asked. 

“ Stunning, my dear, but you look stunning in everything.” Hope grinned and rolled her eyes. 

The seamstress was making her way to the door when Hope called behind her, “Goodbye Ms. Rosemary, thank you for everything,” it had become clear through the fitting that the lady was compelled, many of the people that had worked in her house or for her family when she was a child were so it wasn’t a surprise, but her mother always taught her to be kind to them.

The lady smiled kindly at her and then disappeared out the door, dresses in tow. “She will fly back tonight and get started on your dresses and Freya’s and we will follow as soon as your classes are over this week.” Rebekah stated, matter of factly. 

“What?” Hope gasped. How soon were they planning on having this wedding? 

“Don’t fret darling, I’ve cleared it all with the school. You’re coming with me for the next two weeks and then returning.”

She was shocked and disoriented by this sudden news, but not upset. Spending two whole weeks with her family - even with the added stress of a wedding - sounded wonderful, they hadn’t all been together in years. She just hoped everyone would be on their best behavior. 

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

when i watch the world burn

a chaptered fic, inspired by the album “doom days” by bastille

summary: The world is ending in six hours, how do the GHC and friends manage and cope?

word count of chapter: 1,650

next chapter

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chapter 1: quarter past midnight

“before it falls apart, help me piece it all together”

The alert came out at 12:15am, or at least it did in Shadyside.

Out of the Good Hair Crew and friends, Buffy was the first to see it. She was unable to sleep, a usual occurrence for her lately, up late thinking about a million things at once, when she heard a notification go off on her phone. She didn’t think much of it, she usually only got notifications in the middle of the night if it was a GHC emergency, so she picked it up and turned it on. That’s when everyone’s life changed.

Scientists have alerted the public of a large asteroid heading directly for Earth, caught too late to try to prevent any detrimental circumstances. It is expected to hit at 6:47am EST. This is the end of the world, prepare yourselves as best you can. -Alert received 12:15am

Buffy’s hand covered her mouth as she gasped in surprise. She immediately went to the group chat to text them, “Let me know when you’ve heard the news.” She then ran to her parents’ room and hugged them as tight as possible, sobbing.

“Whoa, honey, what’s wrong?” her mother asked, brushing Buffy’s hair out of her face.

“The world is ending,” she replied through broken sobs.

“Buff, whatever it is that’s bothering you, I’m sure it’s not that bad,” her dad responded.

“Check your phones. Turn on the TV, I’m sure it’s on there too,” Buffy retorted, still crying.

They both turn to look at their phones, reading the message, then turn back to their daughter in one of the biggest hugs they’ve had.

“This is it.”

•••

Andi was the next to find out.

She woke up about two minutes after the alert was issued, a restless itch in her bones that she couldn’t manage. She picked up her phone to see Buffy’s text.

News? What n— oh.

She scrolled down a bit to see the alert. After she read it, she dropped the phone as if it would burn her with just a small touch. Of course, tonight was the one night Bex and Bowie went out to have a night to themselves, at the music festival they’d been looking forward to all month. It should be over by now, right? Andi thought as she picked the phone back up to call them, hoping that they would answer.

Oh, thank god. “Hey, what’s up, honey? We’re driving back right now,” Bowie’s voice rang through the phone.

“Have you gotten the alert?” Andi replied, panicked.

“What alert?”

“Just turn off your aux and put on the radio, I’m sure it’s announcing it on there,” Andi sighed.

She counted the seconds while waiting for her parents to respond, getting to thirteen until Bex cut in, “We’re almost there, okay? We’re here for you, Andi.”

That’s what made her break into sobs.

•••

Soon after Andi was Jonah.

He was outside, wandering about, trying to get his mind off things, off certain people, ready to start skateboarding, when he got the alert on his phone. He scanned it over, and immediately grew panicked. He didn’t want to go home, couldn’t go home, not while his parents were still mad at him, not while they didn’t know about his panic attacks as he was almost definitely about to have one. He tried to take in his surroundings, seeing if he was near any of his friends’ houses so they could help, and luckily enough, he spotted Buffy’s house just down the street. Had he really been wandering that far? Whatever, it doesn’t matter now. He shakily made his way over to her house, knocking on the door.

A tear-stained Buffy opened the door with, “Jonah, how are—“

“Buffy, help,” he pleaded through his gritted teeth.

Buffy straightened. “Oh my god, you’re having a panic attack, okay, um, come sit down,” she said, guiding him to a kitchen chair, “just remember to breathe. This will end, okay?”

Jonah nodded frantically, while Buffy’s parents were hurrying down the stairs. “Is everything alright?” her mom called.

“Can you grab a glass of water? Jonah’s having a panic attack,” Buffy responded.

Great, more people who know.

It took a few minutes, but he was able to calm down eventually. He took the glass from Buffy gratefully and leaned back into the chair.

Buffy squatted beside him. “I’m assuming you got the alert, then?”

“Yeah,” he whispered in reply. “I can’t believe it.”

“Me either.”

•••

Cyrus was the last to find out of the four of them.

He’d been asleep, actually, drained from being upset the entire day. He had to deal with seeing Kira drag TJ around everywhere, feeling simultaneously disappointed and crushed. TJ’d apologized already, sure, but it wasn’t exactly in depth. It wasn’t the explanation Cyrus had been looking for. But, hey, they were on speaking terms at least, which was better than radio silence. Maybe.

Anyway, he’d been having a nightmare, so he was honestly grateful for being shaken awake, that is, until he found out why.

“Cyrus, your dad and stepmom are on their way. Everyone’s just gotten a notification that the world is ending, get up. We’re spending the last few hours together.”

It was as if his brain went on overload. The world was ending? Impossible. He’d never even gotten to experience his adult life, he’d never made up entirely with his friends, hell, he never even had a boyfriend. He hadn’t lived. And now he’d never get the chance.

He broke into sobs in his mother’s arms, but in all honestly, the only thing he felt was an overwhelming sense of numbness. He felt grief for himself. No, not just himself, for him and all of his friends who never got to finish their stories, either.

“Mom, can I just text my friends? See if they’re alright?” He asked, pulling away a bit.

“Of course. I’ll go wait downstairs. And if you want to see them, that’s not an issue. I know how important they are to you,” she replied, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before making her way downstairs.

First, he replied to the group chat, but after he pulled up a contact he hadn’t sent anything to in weeks.

“Hey, TJ, are you holding up alright? Have you seen it?”

•••

TJ and Amber found out at the same time.

TJ had been having a nightmare for the fourth night in a row, over the same thing again and again. It was of him trying to thoroughly explain Costume Day to Cyrus, but the boy would just get disgusted and angry at him and never speak to him again. Amber had woken him up and calmed him down each time, and this time she was fed up with it, she needed to know what was bothering her brother.

“I know something’s up, just tell me what’s going on, Teej. You can trust me.”

He twiddled his thumbs in his lap, looking down at them. “I know I can trust you, but I don’t know if you’ll hate me.”

“Impossible.”

He took a deep, shaky breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m gay.”

“Okay? Me too,” she replied simply.

TJ’s bloodshot eyes widened. “What?”

“I am a massive lesbian, is this surprising to you?” Amber joked.

“Um, kind of?” TJ replied, exasperated. “So I could’ve been talking to you about this whole situation the entire time. Great.”

“What situation?” Amber asked, leaning forward to pay attention.

“Basically, this girl noticed how I acted around Cyrus and then implied she would out me if I didn’t do a costume with her instead of him. She probably just wanted to get on the basketball team or something since Buffy kicked her off the girls’ one,” TJ explained.

“I’m gonna kill her,” Amber deadpanned.

“What? You don’t even know her na—“ TJ was cut off from a notification on his phone.

“Who’s texting you this late?” Amber asked as TJ read the alert.

“Not a text,” he replied slowly as he passed her the phone to read it.

After doing so, she nearly drops it on the bed. “Oh my god.”

“That’s it, it’s just over? We don’t get to live the rest of our lives? What the hell?” TJ began yelling, getting up to pace around the room.

“Teej, there’s nothing we can do about it, we might as well just face it, right?” Amber asked, trying to calm him down for the second time that night.

“You don’t get it, Amber, I’m going to die while Cyrus isn’t talking to me. I’m gonna die with him mad at me. The only person I’ve felt real feelings for is going to die without me,” TJ ranted.

“We still have a little over six hours, right? You can still talk to him. And if he gets mad at you over it, we’re all gonna be dead in six hours anyway,” she reasoned.

“You’re right. You’re totally right.” TJ stopped pacing.

“You’re not gonna talk to him, are you?”

“What am I even supposed to say? I—“

His phone went off with another notification sound.

“—am gonna kill my phone if it keeps interrupting me. Pass it over.”

He quickly scanned it over, then looked up at Amber. “It’s Cyrus.”

“Well, what are you doing? Answer him!” Amber exclaimed.

“Yeah, I’ve seen it. I’ve got Amber with me, at least, but I’d at least like to see everyone one last time, yanno?”

•••

The six kids decided to meet up then, for one last hurrah, in the downtown area near the Spoon.

They all ran towards each other in a massive group hug, all holding each other tightly, sobs falling from each of them.

“I’m gonna miss you all so much,” Andi whispered.

“Hey, we still have six hours,” Buffy replied softly. “Let’s make them count.”

—————————

song for the chapter:

[niall-is-my-dream]

You & Me - Part Twenty (last part)

So here it is! The last part!

Thankyou to everyone who has read, liked and reblogged this fic. It means alot to me. Thankyou to @for-fucks-sake-h and @niall-talk for their support and advice.

Hope you like the ending. Let me know what you think! Em x 😘

2900 words

Christmas/New Year's 2017

Callie's POV

Christmas Day had been great with your family, your Mum had cooked an amazing dinner. You'd laughed with your cousins and watched films in your comfy clothes for the rest of the day. You even managed to get a Skype call in with Niall.

Boxing Day was a busy one too. Tom and Claire came over and some of your parents friends. A cold buffet was served as you had a couple of drinks and played cards until late.

You were actually really nervous when your Dad dropped you off at the airport the next morning. You'd met Maura and Bobby before, but this felt like a much more grown up and important meeting with them.

After Niall gifting you a very expensive guitar and calling you the love of his life in his speech the other night, you'd realised how serious the relationship had got. It had sort of crept up on you, the busy life of travelling and touring kind of covered it up. Not that you were complaining, you loved Niall and you knew he loved you too.

If you looked back over the last month, all the signs for it has been there. It wasn't so much as giving things up for each other, more adapting both your lives to include the other one in it. A natural progression from friends to lovers had occurred, although to be honest Niall felt like one of your best friends. But you wouldn't tell Bex that.

You were friends who shared a love of the same music, laughed at the same films, joked with each other. But you were also partners who cared deeply for the other and it physically hurt you to be away from him, a dull ache in your heart. He had slotted into your life easily and you couldn't imagine it with out him.

*********

"Being in an honest, sincere, and committed soulmate relationship helps you to become a better version of yourself. You have to push yourself beyond your comfort zone, beyond your limits to find your better self.

Even though we tend to think of soul mates as a symbiotic union; soulmate relationships can be rough at the beginning. They can be like two jagged edged puzzle pieces trying to click into place. Sometimes it looks like you do not fit together at all, but soon after a little bit of twisting, turning, and flipping the pieces around, you feel the moment of the perfect click. It's a feeling deep in your soul, that says, this is the right one.

Often soulmates appear in disguise. You might not be physically attracted to each other when you first meet, but there is a mysterious force pushing you forward that tells you this is "the right one" for you."

(Quote from June Silny on life hacks.org)

**********

The flight is short from London Stansted to Dublin, just 1 hour 25 minutes. You had barely got comfortable in your seat, before the crew announced you would be landing. Storing away your sketch book back into your bag, you buckled up your seatbelt ready for the descent.

Niall had told you he would be outside the terminal waiting for you, hiding in the safety of his rental car. Your phone rang as you went through the sliding doors, pulling it from your pocket when you got outside, you smiled brightly as you saw it was Niall.

"Hey you!" You said as you answered your phone.

"I love how much you smiled when you saw it was me petal." Niall replied.

You looked up and down the pick up area and saw Niall's car waiting in one of the bays. He smiled when he saw that you'd noticed him.

"Get that bum of yours over here now, I need a kiss." He added.

"Sure thing boss." You replied and then hung up the phone and dragged your suitcase to his waiting car.

Niall hopped out and helped you put your suitcase in the boot of his car before opening the passenger side door for you. As soon as he had sat himself in the driver's seat, he leaned across the centre console, his hand coming up to your cheek. You leaned across to, fisting a handful of his hoodie and pulling him closer.

"I missed you." You whispered as you closed the gap between you both, kissing him gently.

"Missed you to sweetheart." He managed to whisper against your lips, that he didn't seem to want to stop kissing.

"Come on Horan. Let's get going." You said as you reluctantly leaned back in your seat.

"There are some services just as we leave, I need to pop for a wee." He smiled.

"No worries babe, is it far back to Mullingar?"

"Just over an hour."

"Not too bad then."

When Niall pulled into the services five minutes later, he leaned over and gave you a quick kiss and asked if you wanted a coffee from the Costa Coffee shop inside.

"That would be great, and a muffin to please."

"Usual choice?"

"Yes please."

"Won't be long, love you."

"Love you too." You replied with a wink.

Niall practically held your hand all the way back to Mullingar, only letting go when he needed to. Even though you had caught up with each other at least twice a day on the phone and sent numerous text messages while you'd been apart, you still had loads to talk about.

The journey back to his Mum's was a chance to have a bit of alone time, since you'd be surrounded by both your families for the duration of the trip.

He put on some music, Hozier blaring through the speakers, both of you singing away as you cruised down the motorway.

Niall's Mum's house was packed on New Year's Eve. Lots of their friends and family had made it over for the annual party they liked to have. Chris, Niall's Step Dad always did a spectacular fireworks show apparently, and you were looking forward to it.

Your parents, along with Tom and Claire had arrived yesterday afternoon and had settled in well with Niall's family. Maura had asked your Mum for advice with the food for the evening's party, and your Mum had practically beamed at being involved. The pair of them had even exchanged Christmas gifts with each other.

You found yourself sitting next to Niall's Nanny chatting for quite some time, her telling you some great stories about Niall as a child.

"Enough of that." Niall had said to her as she began another story.

He topped up both your glasses with prosecco before helping his Nanny into the garden to get her comfortable for the fireworks. Chris had set up all the garden furniture and patio heaters. There was a large fire pit as well, to keep everyone warm. You made sure his Nanny had a place near the warmth and helped her cover her legs with a fleece blanket. With just a few minutes left until midnight, everyone else gathered out on the patio in the garden, finding themselves a spot by the warmth too.

As the countdown began, Niall wrapped his arms around you from your seat around the fire pit. You cuddled up close to his chest, feeling completely content with him. When the clock hit midnight, everyone was cheering and hugging each other. Chris set off his fireworks and the sky was lit up with colours.

"Thank you for an incredible year Petal." He said, your faces mere inches from each other.

"No, thank you. Next year will be even better." You replied kissing him gently.

As you sat cuddled up watching the firework display, you thought about how much had happened over the last year. You'd travelled extensively with Niall, the band and the crew all over the world. He'd celebrated having a massive hit single with Slow Hands, followed up with a tour and a number one album.

When you had been texting each other back in July while you were both on vacation with friends, you hadn't expected anything apart from a bit of flirting. Finding out that he developed feelings for you had been a shock. Crushing on Niall hadn't been difficult, but you never thought in a million years that he would be secretly thinking of you as more than a friend too.

Everyday that you were together was a new adventure. Everyday your relationship and connection grew stronger. Even the stress of Saskia Jones couldn't break you both. The restraining order had remained even with the news of her supposed relationship with Jasper Littlewood.

Since the morning of Kim and Sam's visit to Nialls house in L.A. with the news that Saskia had been stalking Niall and yourself, you had been 100% honest with each other at all times. The news that she had text him saying she would ruin him and been hard to swallow. It had been beating Niall up inside, he hadn't wanted to scare you away.

But you had been true to your words with each other, no one would break you. Not even Saskia Jones.

*************

13 months later

February 2019

A week after arriving back in L.A. and you still felt like shit. You were pretty good at getting over jetlag, but you knew it must be something more. You felt absolutely exhausted, your face was pale and you had been sick quite a few times. Niall had even attended the Grammys after party without you.

Niall was in the kitchen when you came downstairs after your morning shower. He had been to the gym and then to the grocery store.

"You ok babe?" You asked giving him a quick kiss as he put the food into the fridge.

"Yeah, are you?" He said his eyebrows raised.

"Still feel a bit sick, must be something I've eaten. Can't think what though."

"We've eaten exactly the same stuff over the last week." He replied smugly. "So I picked you up something from the store."

He put his hand in one of the bags and took out a box and placed it on the kitchen counter.

A pregnancy test.

"Niall........I'm not pregnant. I think I know my body well enough to know that." You said, completely baffled by his assumption.

"Oh yeah, you think? Had your period lately?!"

You cringed at the topic of conversation. You weren't embarrassed to talk about stuff like this with Niall, but it wasn't exactly something you felt needed to be spoken about. Until you did the math in your head and looked up to see his smug face again.

"Fuck, I'm ten days late." You mumbled out.

"I know. I worked it out this morning while I was running on the treadmill."

"You were thinking about my period schedule while on a treadmill?!"

"Was just trying to work out if we'd eaten anything different, went back over each day to try and decide what it could be that made you so sick. Then it dawned on me, that you're late."

"It's probably just the stress of moving into the house and getting everything sorted for it."

You had recently become the proud owners of a beautiful house in a leafy suburb in London. You began discussing moving in together when you were on the world tour last year. You'd been together just a year at that point, but both of you were reluctant to spend the nights apart. Not knowing where your favourite hoodie was and constantly forgetting stuff was getting annoying for you both.

Niall had also surprised you over the holidays by asking you to marry him in front of both your families at his Mum's annual New Year's Eve party. You had been shocked but had instantly said yes, your parents had all known about the proposal as Niall had asked your Dad's permission.

"Go in the downstairs loo and wee on the thing then." He said excitedly.

You hesitated slightly, the box felt heavy in your hand.

"I love you." He whispered, but it did nothing to ease your nerves.

Five minutes later and you sat on the bathroom floor not wanting to look at the little white stick resting on the edge of the sink. The allotted two minutes was definitely up by now, but you were too scared to look at the result.

A knock on the door behind you made you jump in shock. You moved away and opened it, Niall's eyes landed on you sitting on the floor.

"So.....?" He asked.

"I haven't looked."

He knew you were worried. That boy could read you like a book. His face however was pulled into a massive smile as he looked at the leaflet from the box and then checked to see whether the stick had one or two lines.

"It definitely isn't something you ate. We're having a baby!" He said, the excitement evident in his voice and his beaming smile.

"You're not angry or worried about it?!" You blurted out.

"Of course not! I asked you to be my wife less than 6 weeks ago. We have just got a date to move into our dream family home. Yeah, I would've preferred to have gotten married first, but this is happening now for us."

You sat on the floor in complete silence. He had been thinking about a possible pregnancy for the whole morning, you just ten minutes.

He was so happy with the news, the smile however was soon disappearing from his face.

"Why are you not excited?" He asked the worry evident in his voice.

You stood up on your feet and reached out to him. His hands moved to your waist, yours landed on his chest. His eyes were confused you could tell straight away. That was until a smile crept up your face.

"I hope the baby is as beautiful as you." You whispered.

His lips met yours and you grinned and giggled as the excitement took over.

***********

One year later

February 2020

Musician Niall Horan 26, spotted browsing the aisles of his local Waitrose in London today with his cute 5 month old daughter Ava Elizabeth.

Niall Horan was spotted out in the capital today with his daughter. Craddling baby Ava close to his chest as she slept in her baby carrier, he left everyone swooning at the check out as he gently kissed her head while he waited to pay.

The former One Direction star has had an amazing few years since the band went on hiatus at the end of 2016. He spent 2019 writing and releasing his second album that went straight to number one in 44 countries. He and his personal guitar technician, Callie Brown became parents to Ava back in September and were rumoured to have got married over the Christmas holidays in his native Mullingar. Niall was spotted with a white gold wedding band on his finger as he picked up supplies for the family.

The couple who have been together for two and a half years are often spotted together out in London or near their other home in L.A. They were first linked when they were spotted sightseeing in New York back in October of 2017.

Niall, who never normally confirms anything regarding his dating life, has relaxed that a lot in the last few years. Callie had appeared in numerous posts on his social media and they've walked the red carpet together a few times. Most recently when he attended the American Music Awards in L.A back in November, where he picked up 2 awards.

Callie looked stunning in a long black strapless dress just two months after the birth of Ava. Niall looked lovingly at his fiancee and the mother of his child as they posed for pictures and were interviewed.

Seems he's come along way since his brief relationship with Victoria Secret Model Saskia Jones. A source close to Saskia said that she had become tired of Niall's fear of commitment, so had ended things with him. Seems unlikely now that was the reason for their break up, considering his current relationship status.

Maybe the rumours of her being a nasty piece of work are true. A news article published in May of last year described Saskia's strange behaviour when Jasper Littlewood ended their short lived romance. He reportedly had to ban her from the E News studios after she turned up very single day.

Everyone in the industry knows how humble and down to earth Niall Horan is. No one has a bad word to say against him and his wife Callie. His fans absolutely adore her, describing her as the best thing that has ever happened to him.

It would seem that she, along with their daughter Ava, are the best thing to ever happen to him. Niall was recently interviewed by Radio One DJ Greg James about his up coming world tour, which kicks off in two weeks. When asked if he was planning on having Callie as his guitar technician still and if she would be accompanying him with their young daughter on tour he said,"I don't go anywhere without my girls."

Anyone else swooning?

I know I am!

Tag list

@niallersdirtylaundry

@youvegotyourvictory

@fireawayniall

@sugarwithlilspice

@juicyfruitlove

@ihearthemcallingforyou

@klairelavarias

@lizziespidiepridie

@irishfireandice

@someoneunimportantxx

@awomanindeniall

@loulouloueh

@sing-me-a-song-harry

@niallergirl1d

@niallspeachybooty​

@roseytattoo

[bringyourownbabytaters]

Falling In Love With You ch. 16

Chapter 16. Pretty In Pink

September

Bex sat on Aunt Mei's couch, waiting. Her due date was in a week, and her parents were on their way. She hadn't seen them in almost five months, and honestly, she wasn't even sure they'd recognize her. Her baby bump had grown considerably, to the point that she couldn't even tie her own shoes anymore. She now knew she was carrying a baby girl. She'd also changed her hair again. It was now cut in a bob, and dyed bright red.

In some ways, being away from home wasn't all bad. Aunt Mei was a piece of work, and she couldn't forget about all the things being forced to leave home had cost her; her friendships, graduating with her high school class, and the security of her own home. But in the other hand, she'd found some independence and freedom at her aunt's. And at least she was somewhere where everything didn't remind her of Bowie. Shadyside felt heavy with memories of him.

The doorbell rang. "That must be your parents," Aunt Mei said curtly.

"I'll get it." Bex hobbled to her feet and went to the door, more nervous than she expected she'd be. She opened it, and there were her mom and dad. They hadn't changed a bit. "Hi," she said, suddenly shy.

"What have you done to your hair?" Celia cried. There were tears in her eyes.

Bex touched the tips of her shorter hair. "Do you like it?"

"No, I don't," Celia laughed.

"Just to be clear, I did not give her permission to do that to herself," Aunt Mei told her sister.

"Well, I think she looks cool," Ham winked. He smiled happily. "Come here, kiddo. Give me a hug."

Bex threw her arms around her father's neck, giving him the tightest hug she could manage with her huge stomach. "I missed you so much," she said, tears filling her eyes and spilling over.

"I missed you too, honey." He planted a kiss on her temple.

"I don't suppose you missed me," Celia said softly. Her chin trembled, and she turned her head away, carefully avoiding meeting Bex's eyes.

"I did miss you, mom," Bex said honestly, her heart aching. Her mother reached for her hand and squeezed it.

"You look wonderful, sweetheart," Ham said. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good," she said, rubbing her stomach. "The baby's kicking a lot today."

"May I feel?" her mom asked, cautiously.

"Yes," she smiled. "Of course. Go ahead, mom." She'd quickly learned that when you're pregnant, your stomach becomes public property. Everyone who sees you has to touch it.

Celia gently lay her hand on Bex's stomach. The baby picked just then to give a hearty kick. Celia laughed and sobbed at the same time. "This little girl is going to be a dancer."

"A tap dancer, by the feel of it," Bex laughed. The baby had especially taken to kicking her bladder. Sometimes when she lay down at night, she could actually see the baby moving. It was weird, seeing a lump suddenly bulge out of her abdomen, and move from one side to the other. She hoped the baby would do that later, because she knew her parents would get a kick out of it. It was pretty adorable.

"Where can we put our bags?" Celia asked Mei, glancing past Bex at her older sister.

"You may put them in the guest room," Mei told her. "Rebecca has been sleeping in Ling's room. I thought she would be more comfortable there, with a television and books to read."

"That's very kind of you, Mei," Ham said diplomatically.

Mei nodded. "Well, it's fortunate the room was empty, since Ling is away at college." She emphasized the word college ever so slightly, but it was clear she was gloating. Bex saw her mother's jaw tighten. If only she knew that Aunt Mei had reminded Bex that Ling was away at college at least twice a day since she'd arrived. This was going to be a long week.

****

Bex was propped up in bed, watching Pretty In Pink  and eating Oreos, when her labor pains began. She barely noticed the contractions at first; they didn't feel much different then the false contractions she'd been experiencing on and off for the past few weeks. Absorbed in the movie, she reached into the package of cookies balanced on her belly; she'd found, purely by accident, that her baby bump made the perfect table for snacks, and popped one in her mouth.

Downstairs, she could hear her  mother and aunt arguing. Aunt Mei must have made one passive-aggressive comment too many, because they'd been going at it all evening. She tried to tune them out by turning up the TV.

Pretty in Pink was one of her all-time favorite movies, and it was almost to her favorite scene. She settled back to watch, rubbing her stomach. She was uncomfortable no matter how she positioned herself, and she hoped the movie would take her mind off of it.

By the time Andie had arrived at the prom in her pink dress, Bex had become aware that her contractions were becoming stronger and closer together. And she started to realize that this may not be another false alarm. One thought registered in her mind- that she really liked the name Andie- as her abdomen and back clenched in pain, worse than anything she'd felt so far.

She leaned forward, sucking in her breath, willing the cramps to go away. Finally they did. But a few minutes later, they returned.

She crawled out of bed, bent over, unable to stand up straight. "Mom!" she cried. "Mom! Help me!" She sunk down on her knees, sobbing.

The arguing downstairs ceased immediately. "Rebecca!" Celia had run up the stairs, Aunt Mei and Ham close behind. "What's wrong? What's happening?"

"I'm having contractions," Bex said, breathing shallowly. "They hurt." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Make it stop, mom!"

"I can't, Rebecca," Celia apologized. "I wish I could, but I can't." She turned to her husband. "Get her suitcase from the hall closet. It's all packed. Put it in the car, then call the hospital and tell them we're coming."

"Do you think she's in labor?" Ham asked.

"It looks like it," she nodded.

"I'm on it." Ham jogged out of the room and down the stairs.

Celia squeezed her daughter's  hand. "Can you try to stand up?"

"I don't know," she gasped. "It really hurts."

"You need to try," her mother told her. "You can do it. I know you can." She reached out to help her up. "How far apart are your contractions?"

"I don't know," she sobbed.

"You should know," Celia told her. "You should be timing them!"

"Let me get out my stopwatch, mom," Bex snapped irritably. Then she screamed as another round of pain gripped her. "Mom, please."

"Help me get her up," Celia ordered her sister. Mei came to her other side, and the two of them helped her struggle to her feet.

Bex's legs were shaking under her weight. Suddenly, her body went rigid, and she gasped with pain. She looked down at her feet in shock. Hot fluid ran down her legs and splashed on Aunt Mei's cream-colored carpet in a puddle.

Aunt Mei gave her a horrified look, but Celia cut her off with a warning glance, daring her to say something. Despite her pain, Bex knew her mom was loving that moment.

****

Bex was admitted to the hospital right away. She lay in bed, tense. At this point, her body knew when she was about to have a contraction, and she knew to dread the pain. The dread was almost the worst part. But she knew she was in for a long night; a first baby could take hours, even a full day, to be born, and she was only two centimeters dilated.

"My back hurts so bad," she told her mother. It felt like bands of pain were gripping her. She cried out as another contraction came.

Celia stood beside her bed, keeping an eye on her watch, timing Bex's contractions. "Try to stay calm," she said. "It will be a whole lot easier on you." She rubbed Bex's back, trying to sooth the pain.

****

Six hours later, the pain had only become worse. Bex was practically climbing the walls, and in her mind, she was cursing Bowie and the day she ever let him touch her. "I can't do this, mom," she cried. "I can't!" She gripped Celia's sleeve, trembling. "I don't want to do this!"

"Well, it's too late now," Celia hissed. "If you didn't want the pain, you should have kept your legs together."

Another powerful contraction hit, blinding Bex for a moment. "Get out of here!" she shouted wildly at Celia, pointing at the door. "You're not helping me, so just leave! I don't want you in here!"

"Is something wrong?" a nurse asked, looking into the room.

"I want my mother out of here!" Bex screamed irritably.

"Fine. I'll leave," Celia shrugged, throwing her hands up in the air in defeat. "Good luck." She started to turn away.

Bex changed her mind then as yet another contraction gripped her. "Wait mom, don't go! I need you!"

"I think it's time for an epidural," the nurse said quietly. "I'll go order it."

****

Ten hours later, Bex felt nearly insane. The pain was constant now, despite the medication she'd been injected with to help manage it. She was eight inches dilated. She was shaking and nauseous. All she wanted was for the baby to get out. If it didn't soon, she honestly thought she would die. She didn't think her body could handle much more trauma.

"Breath, Rebecca," her mother reminded her, gently coaching her. "You're almost there." She rubbed the back of Bex's hand softly.

The doctor examined her. "You're fully dilated," she said. "This baby is ready to be born."

"It is?" Bex asked through her tears.

The woman nodded. "It's time for the hard part. But it's almost over."

Bex gasped. She couldn't imagine anything being harder than what she'd already gone through. She didn't want to imagine it. But as the doctor ordered her to push, and it felt like her body was ripping in half, she knew exactly what the woman had meant.

An hour later, the doctor announced that the baby was crowning. It was now September 28th. "Keep pushing," she said. "We're almost there. I see a neck, and a shoulder."

Bex mustered every bit of strength she had left to push through the pain. She squeezed Celia's hand hard.

Then, there was absolute quiet in the room, as if everyone were holding their breath.

And suddenly, shrill cries pierced the air. It was her baby, Bex realized, breathing a sigh of relief. Those seconds of silence had been the longest of her life, but the baby was out, and she was crying.

"You have a healthy baby girl," the doctor told her. "Congratulations."

A nurse quickly wiped the baby off, and lay her on Bex's bare skin, so they were chest to chest, while Celia cut the umbilical cord. Bex wrapped her arms around the infant protectively, and the baby's crying ceased almost immediately, becoming a soft whimper. "Hi," Bex whispered. "I'm your mama. You're beautiful."

"Does she have a name yet?" the nurse asked.

Bex closed her eyes for a second. "I think- I think I want to name her Andi. A-N-D-I."

As she held Andi close to her heart, she was filled with an intense love, so strong that it filled her eyes with tears that spilled over. This day was bittersweet, because Bowie should have been there with her; she could feel his absence more strongly than ever. But she had her baby at last, and she was happy. Andi was a beautiful reminder of what she and Bowie had shared. She was the essence of their love, made into a little person Bex could hold. She kissed Andi's head softly. "I love you so much." Already, she knew she would die for Andi. She would do anything for the tiny girl wriggling in her arms. She was someone she would love forever.

"She's wonderful, Rebecca," Celia said quietly. She reached down and lightly stroked Andi's soft black hair with her fingertips. "Look at all that hair. And that little button nose." Tears rolled down her cheeks.

"She's perfect," Bex sniffled. She kissed Andi again, pressing her nose to the top of her head, breathing in her soft baby smell.

"Please, may I hold her?"Celia sobbed.

Bex's heart squeezed. "Of course you can, mom." She gave Andi one last kiss, and reluctantly let her mother take the infant gently into her arms. Bex's own arms immediately ached to have Andi back in them. She never wanted to let her go, even for a second.

"Hi, sweetheart," Celia cooed, swaddling the baby in a soft pink blanket. "You're so precious." She cuddled her carefully. "We're so happy to meet you. Welcome to the world."

"What do you think of her name, mom? Do you like it?" Bex asked.

"I wasn't sure about it at first," Celia admitted. "But now that I'm holding her, I couldn't imagine her as anything else. She is Andi."

"Andi Mack," Bex smiled.

****

Later, Bex lay in her hospital bed with Andi nestled in her arms, enjoying the quiet while her parents were getting something to eat. She'd just had her first breastfeeding session; Andi had taken to it fast, and now they were resting together. Andi looked up at her through sleepy eyes, and yawned. She was such a good, quiet baby, Bex thought, as she planted a soft kiss on top of her head.

She held Andi's hand, studying her tiny fingers. Her fingernails were so small, they looked like chips of pink seashells. How could anything be that small? Around her wrist, she wore a little hospital bracelet that matched Bex's. It was adorable. Andi was seven pounds, three ounces, and twenty-one inches of cuteness.

Bex smiled as Andi gripped her finger in her little fist. She kissed her round cheek. Her skin was so soft, like silk. "You're the most beautiful baby in the world," she told her.

"I agree."

Bex looked up to see her father. She smiled. "Hi, dad. Where's mom?"

"She's getting a cup of coffee," Ham told her. "She'll be back soon." He came to Bex's bedside and smiled down at Andi. "Well, hello Miss Andi." He bent down and kissed Andi's forehead, then Bex's.

"I think she's ready for a nap," Bex said. "She can barely keep her eyes open."

"She's had a hard day," Ham said. He reached out to brush Bex's hair out of her face. "You both have. How are you feeling, honey?"

"I feel great," she said. "I thought I was going to die when I was a having her, but now I don't even care about the pain."

Her dad laughed. "I hear that's what happens."

"It really is like you said it would be," she told him.

"Whats that?" he asked.

"How much I love her, from the moment I saw her. I didn't know I could love anything so much. It makes me feel almost, I don't know... dizzy, sort of. But not in a bad way. I don't know how I ever lived without her."

Ham laughed. "I told you. There's nothing in the world like seeing your child for the first time."

"I can't believe I'm a mom," she said, her eyes tearing up. She glanced at her camera on the bedside table. "Dad? Will you take a picture of me and Andi before she falls asleep? I want to always remember how she looks right now."

"I'd be happy to." He picked up the old Polaroid and pointed it at Bex. "Smile, and say cheese."

Bex laughed. "Cheese!" She looked down at Andi, grinning as her father snapped a photo. She felt like she was wrapped in a blanket of happiness.

"Do you want me to hold her for a while?" Ham asked. "Give you a chance to rest for a bit?"

Bex nodded. "Okay, dad. Thanks."

He took the baby from Bex, tenderly cradling her in his arms, and sat down in the rocking chair next to the bed. He rocked Andi slowly. "She looks just like you did when you were born," he smiled wistfully. "Gosh, it seems like it was just yesterday I was holding you like this. Then in the blink of an eye, here you are, all grown up. And I'm a grandfather." He sighed contentedly. "But no matter how old you get, this is how I'll always see you. My little baby."

There was no answer from the bed. Ham looked up to see Bex fast asleep.

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.02, “Howling at the Moon Festival”

Our tale begins at Celia’s house.

Celia makes Ham hang a lantern as high as possible, strong in her belief that a truly high-hanging lantern will finally be the thing to make her Moon Festival party perfect.

Bex and Andi show up with supplies. They were looking a Jade Rabbit candle and came back with this:

...which they didn’t even bother to paint green. Lazy.

Bex and Andi compliment Celia on how much she’s done to prepare. Celia sort of has this “I haven’t slept for two straight days” energy about her.

And she actually might not have. Because long-time rival (and, I guess, beloved family member or whatever) Aunt Mei is coming and that means Celia’s in full-on competitive mode. She’s going to announce Bex and Bowie’s engagement in an attempt to finally take her down.

Andi tries to talk Celia out of making this celebration a competition. (A celetition, if you will. Oh, you won’t? Ok. Fair.) But it’s too late. Events have been set in motion that cannot be stopped.

*monster truck announcer voice* Moon Festival 2018: Two ladies enter, one leaves! Because it’s not her house! And what’s she gonna do, stay there forever?! No! She’s got a life to get back to!

You’ll pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge!!!!

Anyway, Andi asks Buffy and Cyrus for advice at The Spoon. See, Andi told Jonah that she just wants to be friends, but Jonah still thinks they’re a couple. Ok. With you so far.

Then Andi says she quickly backpedaled and agreed with Jonah.

Andi doesn’t know why she said it, and if she doesn’t, no one does. Best guess is that she still likes that he likes her. So Jandi lives then? By accident? Oh these crazy kids. One day they’ll figure out how to talk to each other. One day.

The night of the Moon Festival begins, as Celia gets her makeup done by Bex and delights in the possibility of another way she might one-up Mei. Bex tries again to get Celia to not make this a competition, but it’s too late. I’ve already made the fiery banner and everything.

Andi finds Bowie and stops him before he eats a bean paste filled mooncake, which doesn’t sound super tasty, but is probably packed with protein. Andi realizes she should warn Jonah, as he has a known problem with just eating things in front of him. Bowie admires Jonah’s courage for attempting another holiday event.

Speaking of Jonah, he arrives at Celia’s for the party. He bounds into a house like the wacky neighbor in a sitcom for the second week in a row.

The boy just loves entering doors. What can you say?

Celia’s immediately like, “No no no, get this thing outta here!” but then Jonah drops some Cantonese on her and gives her a gift of tea and Celia’s like:

“Ok, we can keep him.”

Cyrus and Buffy also show up and marvel at how Jonah’s really nailing this “boyfriend at a Moon Festival party” thing.

Celia sees on Mei’s tracker that she’s getting close and makes her family take their places.

Jonah, meanwhile, wanders off. He spots a candle, gives it a little sniff, and then sneezes all over it, blowing a few drips of wax onto the wall.

Oh, Jonah, you were pitching the perfect game and you had to wander.

It’s ok, though, it’s just a drop of wax, as long as you don’t panic and--

Oh. Ok. Ok. Listen, that was a mistake. Smearing it off isn’t going to work. You can still fix this if you just don’t--

Never mind.

Oh, yeah, this is a full spiral now.

Jonah is three seconds from taking a sledgehammer to the entire wall and praying that Celia and Ham just don’t notice that the wall’s gone.

Mei finally arrives. Ham goes to let her in and Celia makes her family do happy faces.

An A for effort for Bowie and Bex.

Turns out Mei brought Ling, her daughter, with her. Celia blurts out that Bex and Bowie are engaged. Mei counters with Ling being pregnant.

With twins, no less! Twins!

Celia says congrats real quick and walks off. Mei asks if she’s ok and Andi tries to say she is: she’s throwing a great party, she looks great, she has a great engaged daughter.

But then Ling says she feels the babies moving and jumps back on top of the Moon Festival leaderboard.

It feels like this is going to continue escalating until Bex and Bowie are getting married in the living room while Ling tries to force her twins out of her in the foyer.

Jonah enlists Cyrus to help him with the mess he made.

Seems like a real error in judgment. If there’s one person who’s capable of accidentally making a situation worse, it’s Cyrus.

Cyrus tells Jonah that these things happen and there’s no need to panic. It’s good advice that comes just five minutes too late.

Jonah is super stressed about being the perfect boyfriend. There are too many teas in existence, for example.

Cyrus tells him this situation isn’t that big a deal. He blew hot wax all over his 85 year old grandmother on her birthday. That was a big deal.

Cyrus goes to scrape the wax off but then gets distracted and scrapes the wall off.

I feel like the sledgehammer plan is back on the table. Maybe just burn the entire house down. They won’t know you ruined a wall in the house if there isn’t a house.

Meanwhile, Bex and Celia have awkward tea with Mei and Ling. Mei says it’s wonderful to have mothers and daughters bonding together. Celia makes a Joy Luck Club reference which I can’t deal with.

Stop and think about this for a second: The Joy Luck Club exists, at least, as a book in their universe. Does it exist as a movie? And if it does exist as a movie, who are the actors in that movie? Who plays Lena in that movie? Is it Lauren Tom? And does that mean Lauren Tom exists in the Andi Mack universe? And if so, does no one ever realize that Celia bears a striking, almost identical twin-like resemblance to Lauren Tom?! Then why does no one say anything?! God!

I need to take a walk.

Andi and Bowie wonder if Bex is ok dealing with the tea situation. Bowie thinks he should maybe head inside. Andi asks him if he thinks he can just smile away any trouble. He says yeah, but...

Buffy finds Jonah and Cyrus and the ruined wall. Jonah tries to get Buffy to help but Buffy tries to back away from the situation like she discovered the two hacking up a dead body. Cyrus says it’s too late, though, if they’re going down for this, she’s coming with them. She’s part of the plan now. By the way, they also have no plan.

Celia brags that Bowie gave up the rock star life to be with his family. Mei says her son-in-law couldn’t be here because he’s at a gum disease conference. Ohh, that’ll cost her some points on the Moon Festival leaderboard. Admitting your son-in-law would rather spend time around people discussing gum disease than with his family is a bad misplay on Mei’s part.

Ling tells Bex and Bowie to start planning the wedding now, but Bex is like, eh, maybe we’ll just go to City Hall, which is another unforced error. Everyone tries to cover up the mistake, but it’s too late. Mei soaks it in.

Cyrus sneaks Andi off to help them with the wax problem. They get toothpaste and a toothbrush to try and fix it. I don’t know how or which one of their broken teenage brains settled on this solution, but it doesn’t work.

Andi wants to know how one sneeze caused this. It’s the Spiral, Andi. The Spiral.

Jonah says it doesn’t matter how hard he tries, he always messes up at her family’s house. He jokes that Andi deserves a better boyfriend and maybe she should break up with him, but Andi’s like:

Jonah tries to clarify that that was a joke, but that’s one of those jokes that landed a little to close to home. Unforced error upon unforced error.

Andi and Jonah walk away to discuss things. Buffy and Cyrus decide if those two can walk away, then they should be able to just walk away, too. It’s not a bad way to solve this mess. I don’t think Celia has security cameras in the house. Pretend you know nothing. Practice your surprised face for when someone asks you about it later. The perfect crime.

Unfortunately for them, before they can get away, Ham shows up. Fortunately for them, Ham spent a long time around monks this summer so he’s super chill and he also keeps spare wall paint around the house.

Celia pulls Bex aside and wants to know about that City Hall thing. Bex reminds Celia that it’s her wedding, which means she gets to do things her way. Celia says that’s not how it works.

How it works is Celia gets to plan the wedding but she convinces Bex it was her idea. Something stirs very deep within Bex’s soul as she realizes that not only is what Celia saying true, it’s an inevitability.

Celia says it’s a fun bonding experience. Bex says she just wants something simple. No fuss. Celia says then that’s what it will be. But did Celia put that idea in Bex’s head years ago without her realizing it? Can Bex ever be confident any idea is truly hers from this point on out?

Bex says maybe they don’t invite Mei to the wedding and this idea brings Celia even more joy than Ham returning did.

Jonah and Andi try to figure out their relationship. Andi doesn’t want to break up but doesn’t want to be part of a couple. She wants to live in this sort of “Just Friends” limbo where the relationship neither exists nor doesn’t exist.

Jonah says that’s cool with him. That’s what he wants, too! Definitely! That’s why he learned Cantonese to impress Andi’s grandmother. It was a gag! It was a joke! Because... friends!

They decide they’re good living in relationship purgatory.

Ham finishes cleaning up Jonah’s mess as Celia comes in, all mopey about losing Moon Festival. Ham cheers her up as Mei comes to let her know she and Ling are leaving. Mei brags that Ling needs her rest because she’s eating and sleeping for three now.

Celia tells Mei she doesn’t need to keep bragging. She’s truly happy for her.

I don’t get why no one calls Mei out on making having twins out to be some achievement. Twins happen all the time. You know who else had twins? Mary Ann Benedict. Who’s Mary Ann Benedict? The mother character from the 1988 comedy Twins.

That’s right. She gave birth to Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito. Call me when either one of your twins can even compare, Ling! Otherwise, save it.

Anyway, Ham tricks Mei and Ling into getting paint on them, and this once again fills Celia with delight.

In the backyard, everyone writes out wishes to send up to the Moon Goddess with their lanterns.

They head to the park to let the lanterns go.

They all enjoy watching them float away. Jonah wants to know where they go, so Celia tells him a story, but Jonah’s just really worried about where their fiery lanterns are going to end up. I gotta say, I agree.

One of the lanterns drops its wish and it ends up at Andi’s feet. She picks it up and reads it and it makes her say whoa.

So who’s wish is it? If you’re asking me, here’s my guess:

[tjovalboy]

It’ll Be Us (part 1/2)

short summary: frozen yogurt, Iris, and drama

part 2 should be done in a couple weeks or so!!

Words: 2060

Also on AO3

TJ looked up from his phone and sun rays blinded him as Cyrus plopped in the leather diner seat across from him.

He slid his neon green frozen yogurt cup under TJ’s  nose. “I present to you: ‘The Crazy Side of Shadyside,’”

A drop of the head revealed a red creamy arch brodering the round edge of the cup, followed by orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple arches further in. At this, TJ glanced into his own cup and stifled a laugh.

“What? Let me see!”

TJ slid his cup to the boy across from him. “Mine’s called, ‘DJ Fruity’.”

Inside was a single swirl of plain white tart with an assortment of strawberry, blueberry, and kiwi toppings.

Cyrus sat back, dramatically clutching a hand to his chest. “Did we just accidentally coordinate our fro yo art though gay subtext, a quirky rhyme, and a soundcloud rapper?”

TJ cracked up feeling the familiar racing of his heart at Cyrus’s joking remark. “It’s just so us, isn’t it?”

The shorter boy followed and bursted next. “This has been a fantastic start to our day.”

TJ handed a stainless steel spoon to his boyfriend to enjoy “DJ Fruity,” while he excitedly dug into the pride flag design Cyrus had tailored for him that week. He couldn’t see himself eating frozen yogurt any other way again.

“You shouldn’t eat this kind of thing while wearing that.” Cyrus gestured at TJ’s Jefferson Middle School Basketball sweatshirt between bites. “Even though you’re technically not a middle schooler anymore, the ex-captain of the basketball team shouldn’t be getting his team sweatshirt dirty.”

TJ rolled his eyes playfully, but still stopped to take his sweatshirt off and set it on the seat next to him. In only their second week of dating, he loved that Cyrus’s helpful instinct were amplified around him, and most of the time, he was right.

TJ asked Cyrus out while they helped set up for Bex and Bowie’s wedding. The gang (him, Cyrus, Andi, Buffy, and Jonah) had free time to kill and Cyrus wanted to show him the Chinese finger trap Andi had in Andi Shack (with her permission, of course). TJ was obviously impressed with the art pieces Andi had laying around, so she slyly suggested that he and Cyrus make something for each other. The time spent alone together as the sun was going down with the fairy lights grazing their heads brought the question out of TJ’s mouth with ease, and they hardly noticed Andi and Buffy peering through the front window as they held each other’s hands and made it official.

They never ended up making anything for each other with Andi’s supplies the night of the wedding, but her suggestion gave Cyrus the idea for their frozen yogurt swap game at Lemon Berry Yogurt near the Spoon. He thought it would be a good way to to kick off the summer before TJ went to high school.

TJ looked at the boy across from him. “So, Underdog. You got any plans after this?”

Cyrus picked out a blueberry from the top of his tart and popped it into his mouth. “Nope. I am all free for whatever you’re about to say next.” TJ raised an eyebrow quizzically. “Wait, no. Scratch that. Just tell me what it is first.”

“Ah, don’t worry,” He chuckled and fought a blush. “I was just thinking we could watch a movie at my house,” he asked casually, continuing to eat his yogurt. However, despite the fact that they were dating, he was nervous about this request. The two held hands whenever they could, but cuddling was new, and he knew that a movie on a couch with two boyfriends might lead to that. He thought it would be a fun idea, though, and he hoped that Cyrus was thinking the same.

A glimpse of hesitation passed over Cyrus’s face, but it was only for a second before his usual upbeat demeanor took over. “Yeah.” Cyrus’s eyes twinkled. “Yeah, that sounds really good, TJ.”

There were so many couples at Jefferson that would have dates at fancy restaurants using their parents’ money, or hold hands a certain way because of something they’d seen in a movie. It was all a fantasy to them, acting too old for their age based off of impressions they got of dating that weren’t realistic. TJ couldn’t help but think that what he had with Cyrus was different. It was a middle school relationship where they made up food games and did things their own way, and it was what TJ loved most about them. He valued authenticity in people, and one of his biggest complaints to Cyrus was about how little of that the middle schoolers around them had.

Suddenly, a brown haired girl shuffling past their booth struck Cyrus’s attention.

“Iris!”

She spun around at the sound of her name, which weirdly sounded a lot like Cyrus’s. “Cyrus!” she exclaimed back.

“The names still sound so satisfying one after the other,” Cyrus remarked as she perched herself at the edge of the boys’ table.

“Yep.” TJ noticed she was avoiding his gaze. “And as always, the observation came from the unique, really just weird, but we’re gonna call it “unique,” mind of Cyrus Goodman.”

The three of them cracked up at the truth of her statement. Hearing TJ’s laugh reminded Cyrus there was something he still needed to do.

“Oh, TJ, this is my friend, Iris.” She shifted uncomfortably at the mention of her name. ”And Iris, my boyfriend, TJ.”

TJ jumped out of the booth so he could stand and extended a hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you. From what Cyrus told me, you seem really cool.” She looked at him for the first time as she returned the shake. “You’re welcome to sit of you want,” he said, gesturing to his own seat.

To TJ’s satisfaction, she took the seat he offered. Months ago, Cyrus told him about the high school girl he dated, named Iris, who he broke up with when he realized he was gay. Now, she seemed nervous around the new boyfriend as if she didn’t think she was welcome so he was being as friendly as possible to let her know that it wasn’t the case.

TJ slid in next to Cyrus across from his original seat and felt him squeeze his hand under the table. Facing them, Iris took bites from her full cup of froyo, already looking more relaxed.

“This is probably gonna sound weird.” She spoke after a couple of moments of silence. “But, sometimes, I like to come here after really sucky days at school and just go at my yogurt like it’s one of my canvasses.” She laughed lightly. “Then, when I’m done, I give it a stupid nickname and I-I don’t know-I just feel a little better. ”

TJ gaped at her and saw that Cyrus shared his expression. This girl they coincidentally ran into today turned out to be just like them. Not gay (but maybe, TJ thought), but appreciating the smaller aspects of life as a way of being themselves.

Iris chuckled nervously at them. “What is it?”

Cyrus tilted cup forward so she could see the fruit arrangement inside. “‘DJ Fruity’, courtesy of TJ Kippen,” he announced.

TJ looked down in playful embarrassment. “And ‘The Crazy Side of Shadyside’ a la Underdog,” he finished, showing his cup the same way.

She joined them gawking. “Oh my gosh, this is amazing.” She thrusted her rattling cup half full of Skittles under their noses to see. “I named this one ‘Dino Barf’ coming over here,” she exclaimed with a giggle.

“Taste the rainbow?” TJ raised an eyebrow and looked at his boyfriend.

“Gay subtext! It even coordinates!” Cyrus exclaimed.

Iris laughed. “Just promise you guys’ll show me DJ Fruity’s music someday ‘cause I’m really dying to know what they’re about.”

Oh boy, she had no idea, thought TJ.

She sighed to herself and paused. “This is such a nice break from being around the people at school.”

TJ noticed Iris often mentioned school in bad ways, whether it was the kind of day she had or the people there. As a soon to be high school freshman, this worried him and he wanted to know more.

“So, what’s the deal high school kids?” he asked.

This prompted a dry chuckle. “A lot of them are just--I don’t know...” She motioned in front of her.  “...fake.”

TJ raised his eyebrows and Cyrus pinched an imaginary tea cup handle and took a “sip,” inviting her to continue.

“Like, I’m an artist, right? And maybe that’s it; that I’m really just complaining over nothing because I need originality and realness around me to feel good about my life, but I’m just sick and tired of everyone thinking they’re more mature because they’re going from meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship.”

“Yeah, I get that.” chimed Cyrus.

“Wow, I guess it really doesn’t get better after middle school,” TJ complained.

Iris took the last bite of her dessert and pushed the empty cup to the side. “Yeah, it doesn’t!” She shook her head, still fuming. “But the absolute worst of them all...are the jocks.”

The weight of the room shifted.

“Um, Ir-”

TJ darted a look at the boy sitting next to him, stopping him mid sentence. They were going to act cool about this. “What about them?” he inquired in his best casual voice.

Inside, TJ was hurt. This wasn’t the answer he was expecting, but he pushed the issue because he wanted to know everything she knew about the group of kids he was getting into. He loved basketball and was ecstatic that he was guaranteed a spot on the Junior Varsity team as a freshman, but he hated the idea of becoming one of the inauthentic people he always looked down on.

Cyrus looked at him with a concerned expression, but kept quiet about who TJ was.

“Well, it’s a small school, so Amber keeps me up with all the drama,” she prefaced to them. “The drama that usually happens is that the jock is a straight up jerk to whoever they’re with, and when they break up, they move on crazy quickly.”

That didn’t sound good at all, but TJ was determined to hold his ground.

“That isn’t everyone though, is it?” he argued.

Iris eyed him suspiciously. “Like I said, it’s a small school, so, pretty much.” she said hesitantly. “They end up spending so much time with each other, between locker room talk and parties, that the jerk influence just spreads.”

Was that who he was going to turn into next year? His face reddened at the unsettling thought.

“But a lot of them change, right?” piped Cyrus, noticing TJ’s growing discomfort.

“Well, yeah. They’re still human you know,” she stated obviously and smiled. TJ felt a little relief with this. “But the thing is that I haven’t seen it happen very much, and neither have a lot of people I know.” She furrowed her brows. “So, I think it’s safe to say that Grant High School athletes--past, present and future--are fake and just plain mean, especially with the people they decide to get into relationships with.”

TJ couldn’t believe it. There was apparently no good way to look at this and he needed to take his aggressions out on someone. He scowled at Iris. “No wonder you don’t have any friends. You just think you know everything about athletes, but you don’t!” he snapped, already pushing himself out of the booth.

“Excuse me?” Iris retorted angrily as he strode away toward the door.

Cyrus looked extremely worried. He fumbled with both of their empty frozen yogurt cups as he exited the booth in a hurry to catch up with him. “I’m sorry, Iris. We’ll talk soon, maybe?” he said back to her, tripping over his shoes and following TJ outside.

Now alone, Iris frantically wondered what she had done to cause this outburst. She felt terrible, especially since it seemed like the three of them were getting along well as a group. Amidst her thought, a light blue, rumpled sweatshirt on the seat next to her caught her eye. She held it up, her jaw dropping as she read the white logo printed across the front.

[0bservati0nl0ver-blog]

PRE PRODUCTION WEEK

Hey Tumblr! Long time no speak. I’m going to be using this blog to follow my experiences as Producer for my third year video project, a short film called The Substitute. Pre production week proved to be difficult but rewarding, and as I write this it is the first time I’ve been able to sit and reflect on the week - keeping busy!

The Substitute takes place in a year 11 English class. When their usual teacher is absent, a substitute is sent in their place who has a lesson planned the students will never forget.

When Clare the Director and I began this project, we were very clear that we wanted everyone to be in the loop for every decision possible, and so ensured that from the audition process everyone was aware of the schedule and how the days would run. We held efficient and productive auditions and interviews around the other project Escapism, and were able to negotiate our cast/crew lists and announce them the next day.

When it came to pre production week, we started off well, with a group meeting to cover exactly everyone’s roles and explain that while we are here to be professional, Clare and myself as Director and Producer wanted to make sure everyone felt like they were also having a good time. I created a shared google drive folder for everyone to use, as well as an email group and a facebook page, to make sure there would be no excuses for having missed information. I had also already created a draft of the shooting schedule on there for everyone to see so there were no mix ups with shoot days. We spoke to everyone briefly and gave them their specific tasks that they would need to fulfil in the coming week, and let them all know that we would be calling specific crew roles each morning 10-1 to discuss things like shot lists, lighting, locations etc.This was in an effort to make sure everyone got a little bit of a break after just finishing on Escapism, and to make the transition to a new project easier. I discussed locations with Dan our location manager and we decided that he would try and contact the building managers around the university to see if we could use a room, untouched, for two weeks. Dan went away to prepare the risk assessments and such. I asked Emilia to begin looking into getting our school logo that was designed by a friend of mine, Ruby Tebbs, printed on school uniforms as well as finding ties and personal props for the characters alongside Aaliyah who is doing our props. Clare and I agree that we want props, continuity and costume to work together closely throughout this shoot, because the film only takes place over one hour, these are all vital to making it believable while being shot over 2 weeks. I also sat down with Bex, the production coordinator and Michael, the PA/floor manager to clarify which roles will fall to whom, to avoid confusion during the production. We agreed that Michael had a more hands on position on set, whilst Bex would help me with behind the scenes work such as call sheets etc. I also asked Michael to begin preparing paperwork for continuity etc. on set so they would have a clear form to complete. Then each afternoon of the week from 2-5 was dedicated to rehearsal time for the actors. The first rehearsal was beneficial for myself and Clare, as it brought the film to life and made us more excited to create.

On Tuesday, we were scheduled in to meet with Aaliyah and Emilia. Aaliyah was unable to make it in due to illness and Emilia was an hour late due to traffic. Once we began though we were able to discuss the vision Clare and Emilia had for the characters, then took them down to the costume department and sourced all of the outfits we could. Our colour scheme is green school uniform with our designed logo on. I decided the logo should be an original piece so we aren’t associated with an existing school and can avoid the paperwork that would need, saving us time in this short week. During the day I bumped into Marcus Young, building manager for a few locations I had in mind, and organised a meeting with him to discuss locations the next morning. Clare and I had set our hearts on using the music corridor in Old Adelphi for this shoot or a room in the Peel building, but regardless it was vital to get permission to shoot. Unfortunately Paul Britton, building manager for Peel building, told us we would not be able to use that building.

Wednesday I met with Dan our location manager to secure our locations. We came up with a plan of action and went to our meeting with Marcus. He informed us that although Old Adelphi would be the perfect location for the film, we wouldn’t be able to gain access. This lead us to our second option, Crescent House which is a mostly empty university building. I had worked their earlier in the year and had the perfect room in mind for our classroom, not to mention teaching doesn’t take place in there and so we could have the room for the whole two weeks untouched. We clarified the paperwork Marcus needed which included risk assessments, method statements and crew numbers, most of which Dan had prepared but we took a few hours to go away and specialise it to the room. After this, Dan, Mads, Luke, Clare and I went to reccy the location and ensure it was what they had in mind as the creative team. We found a classroom, suitable corridor, staircase and caretakers room. The caretakers room was a change to the script that we told Rob out writer about, as it was important to the script that the classroom door have a window in it so a student could see the teacher holding a gun and run to tell someone. The room door, however, did not have a window but did have a cctv camera inside. I suggested that we ask Rob to do some rewrites so that a student or staff member walks past a security camera, sees the gun and calls the police instead. Clare liked this idea and we went forward with it. Clare also suggested that we try to get in the location from Thursday for the actors to get used to the space, which Marcus agreed to. Dan and I also paid a visit to the movement museum opposite the university to enquire about using a room of theirs for filming the Mr Todd montage scenes. Although the lady we spoke to was unwilling at first, once I explained that we wouldn’t be disruptive or shooting for very long, she allowed us to book a smaller room that ended up suiting the scene even better for the Wednesday of shooting week 1. Emilia messaged me and said it was proving difficult finding somewhere that could make the badges in time for filming on Monday, and so I asked Bex to help in finding somewhere to get the badges made while Dan and I went to Mal’s schoolwear stall in salford precinct to enquire about how long it would take to make. He told us it would usually take about 7-10 days, however because we were in such a rush and there were so few to make, only 1 jumper and 3 cardigans, he could do it for us by the weekend. He also agreed to do us a discount as we were so desperate for them and on a budget!

Thursday we called everyone at 10am in New Adelphi for a quick catch up on progress and to begin set dressing whilst the actors rehearsed. There were a few late arrivals due to traffic, and Aaliyah informed me that morning that she couldn’t make it in as she had an interview in the afternoon and couldn’t commute to Salford from Birmingham and back in time. The weather was suddenly very warm and so in the morning I sent out a quick message on the facebook page for people to dress appropriately and bring plenty of water. I made sure Dan sent all the risk assessments to Marcus, the lady from the movement museum and Clare Neylon. We all set off for crescent house shortly after 10 and began clearing the unwanted tables and boxes out of the room. Once this was done we started creating posters to cover the room and hallway, making it look like a classroom where multiple year groups are taught. While the cast and crew began this, Emilia and I went to see the sample badge that Mal had made to confirm it was what we wanted, and once this was sorted we agreed for the order to be put through and that I would collect them on Saturday. I expressed my concerns that Aaliyah had missed half of the week so far and emailed her expressing my worry for everything to be sorted in time. The classroom requires 9 single person square tables, and so asked around the building managers if it was possible to borrow these for two weeks but I found out that we are not allowed to take furniture between university buildings. I left this with Aaliyah to sort, and also asked Bex to step in and help as well.

Friday I asked Aaliyah, Bex and Michael to meet me at Crescent house to continue with set dressing, due to the university showcase happening on the same day. Early that morning she emailed me saying she felt overwhelmed by my emails of concern about how much she had prepared, but I reassured her that it wasn’t an attack but just an expression of the importance of set dressing being completed. We decorated the room in the morning, and in the afternoon Mads arrived with the actors for a final rehearsal in costume before the weekend. I asked Bex to begin making call sheets for the following week and made sure everyone was on track for shooting, making sure Mads had booked out equipment, shots were prepared etc.

Saturday, Clare and I bumped into Marcus and asked about potentially borrowing some tables from one of his buildings, and he said he would see what he could do Monday morning, but as this was cutting it a bit fine Clare and I spent 6 hours on Sunday driving around Manchester B&M stores to try and find some suitable tables as a back-up. We did this as although I had messaged Aaliyah asking where she had got to with sourcing them, I got no reply and we were concerned. We managed to source 7 of the 9 tables after visiting over 10 different stores. There was also some confusion over the shooting schedule and call sheets, which I rectified in the evening. The extras we’re confused about when they were called and so I clarified this for them, and then I realised that I had labelled the shooting schedule wrong for who was called, and this was also fixed. Danielle was unable to make it to Salford for 10am as she was home in Wales, despite needing to be available 9-5 everyday over video project. But she managed to book a train that gets her in at 11:20 and I moved the schedule around to accommodate this.

One of our actors, Dale, was only meant to be helping us out but when it was realised that his assessed role was much smaller than his role in our film, it was decided that he would be assessed on our film. This meant I needed to work out our schedule around that of the other film, The Engagement, to avoid double booking him. I was able to move things around and ensure this didn’t happen and Dale wasn’t overstretched.

That’s the end of week one! I will let you know how the first week of shooting goes soon!

[specterchasing-a]

Rescue Me || Eddie & Kyle

TIMING: Friday, June 25th  PARTIES: @darkh0wl​ & @specterchasing​​​ SUMMARY: Kyle’s birthday doesn’t go according to plan. CONTENT WARNINGS: Drowning.

“Almost there,” Eddie said while guiding a blindfolded Kyle by the arm. A brightly colored bag hung from his free hand.

Champlain Falls seemed like an ideal location to celebrate a birthday. Between the picturesque waterfalls and vibrant will-o’-the-wisps, Eddie hoped the beauty it possessed would distract them from the weight of the past few weeks. Just yesterday, Bex’s magic nearly killed them both. Nell’s grief, a side effect of the incident, continued tugging at Eddie’s heart. It told him to make sure the people he cared about knew how important they were to him.

“Okay,” Eddie muttered, stopping near a large pool of water. Far enough away that they could speak without shouting, waterfalls roared. Between here and there, rainbow orbs floated above the shimmering water. He reached for the blindfold and gingerly untied it. “Happy fuckin’ birthday,” he gleefully announced as he shoved the bag of gifts into Kyle’s arms. Inside, a plush wolf with black fur pressed against a guide on how to cope with anger issues.

“I did what I could on such short notice,” Eddie explained as his hands delved into his front pockets. “Don’t take the gifts too seriously.”

“You don’t have to go to all this trouble,” Kyle said for the eighth time since being blindfolded. “I just wanted to hang out.” Even through his protests, he grinned. The previous day had been...a lot. Kyle could still feel the ache of the desk in his ribs. He didn’t really have any clue how things were going now, but he couldn’t worry too much when Eddie had brought him all the way—well, he had no idea where he was. 

Kyle barely had a second for his eyes to adjust to the sudden light of the will-o’-the-wisps before Eddie was thrusting a bag into his hands. “Eddie,” he protested, but dutifully opened the back anyway. The wolf was cute, and the book elicited a genuine laugh from Kyle; he couldn’t remember when he had last laughed like that. Everything had been one thing after the other. “I love this, thank you so much.” Gently, he punched Eddie in the bicep. He looked out on the water, mouth falling open absently. “Woah…”

The will-o’-the-wisps flickered and danced across the surface of the water in a way Kyle could only liken to Christmas lights or fireworks. He’d never seen anything like them. He had to fight the urge to howl, cutting one off as it threatened to bubble up. Without realizing it, he started walking towards the water’s edge. “Are they rainbow?” he asked, still staring out at the water.

Eddie shrugged coyly just before Kyle’s fist connected with his arm. “Ow, fucker,” he laughed. A teasing comment about werewolf strength’s effect on light-hearted roughhousing died on the tip of his tongue as he watched his friend react to the scenery. A sense of pride washed over Eddie at the realization that his plans were going over well.

He carefully followed Kyle’s every step, placing a hand on his chest when he decided they were close enough to the edge. “Yeah, they’re rainbow,” Eddie confirmed with gently furrowed brows. Was Kyle color-blind? “Pretty as they are, you don’t wanna follow them. I mean, unless you feel like celebrating your birthday by disappearing off the face of the earth.” As fun as that sounded, Eddie preferred the idea of keeping Kyle safe. 

Kyle looked down at the edge in surprise. He hadn’t realized he was so close until Eddie was stopping him. “I didn’t know I was following them,” he mumbled, looking back up at the lights and getting lost again. “What are they?” He could tell what colors they were maybe supposed to be, but could only really see yellow and blue. “They’re beautiful,” he said, tearing his eyes away and looking at Eddie. “Um, werewolves are mostly colorblind, I guess. But don’t worry, this is great!”

He looked back out at the lights, and the howl that he’d been suppressing finally made itself known. He threw his head back with it, but then clapped his hand over his mouth in embarrassment. “I’m so sorry,” he squeaked. His whole face flushed a bright pink. “It’s a werewolf thing, but I didn’t think I was going to do it!”

“Will-o’-the-wisps,” Eddie said as he dared a glance in their direction. In the past, it took everything he had to resist the urge to follow them. Looking at them now, the compulsion barely registered. He wondered what had changed. “They lure unsuspecting victims to… something, I don’t really know. Maybe it’s different for everyone.” His eyes returned to Kyle as he explained how werewolves perceived color.

“Great,” Eddie replied sarcastically. “Next, you’ll tell me that werewolves have an aversion to water.” It wouldn’t surprise him. For whatever reason, a good number of people in his life didn’t fare well when wet.

Eddie nearly jumped when Kyle howled. As soon as he realized what was happening, he couldn’t suppress the laughter bubbling in his chest. His hand fell from Kyle’s chest as he tried using his fingers to obfuscate his smile. “Don’t—don’t apologize,” he insisted while laughter shook his shoulders. “Actually, can you do it again? I’m kinda digging the whole ‘primal nature’ thing.” 

Kyle hadn’t heard of will-o’-the-wisps, but he was fascinated. He didn’t want to be an unsuspecting victim, but they compelled him to keep moving towards them. The water wasn’t all too fast here, but Kyle couldn’t easily estimate how deep it was. It could be mere inches or several feet, just off the shoreline. He stared down at the water, contemplating.

Eddie’s comment about water pulled his attention. “Oh, no, no water aversion here.” Eddie didn’t need to know that Kyle couldn’t swim. He was embarrassed enough about howling in front of his friend. He swatted at Eddie playfully, but less gentle this time. “Shut up,” he said, pouting. “It happens at stop lights sometimes. I don’t even know why, but I can’t help it.” He swallowed high-pitched keen as the threat of howling again made itself known. Kyle couldn’t stop looking at the lights. They were tempting him to take just one...more...step…

His foot slipped. Unlucky for Kyle, the water was most definitely not a few inches deep. It was much deeper than that, and he was plunging into it. He dropped the birthday gifts by Eddie’s feet as he reached out for something to grab.

Eddie opened his mouth to whine about Kyle’s less-than-gentle swatting, but quickly changed gears when he saw him take another step towards the water’s edge. “Kyle, don’t—” His warning cut-off as he watched his friend lose his footing and nearly succumb to the water below. Eddie fell to his knees in front of Kyle and between the discarded gifts that were now partially covered in mud. His knees dug into the soft earth as he reached forward and tried to pull him to safety. 

Eddie’s eyes widened in horror as Kyle began slipping from his grasp. “No—no, no, no,” he chanted. At the very least, neither of them had an aversion to water. Kyle could swim if he had to, but Eddie didn’t know whether or not something sinister lurked beneath the water’s surface. Frankly, he couldn’t afford to find out.

Eddie did what he could, but Kyle struggled and kicked, trying and failing not to panic. The water was cold as Kyle slipped beneath the surface. He sank for a long moment and lost his sense of direction as he thrashed. The water at the surface was still, only broken by bubbles as Kyle continued to panic.

After a moment that felt like hours, Kyle’s head popped up a few feet away from where he had fallen. He coughed and sputtered, eyes wide. He dipped back under and popped up again a few more feet away. On his best day, Kyle could doggy paddle to keep his head above water. Now, his brain retained no sense of self preservation. He kicked his way back towards Eddie, struggling to stay above water.

Eddie bolted upright when Kyle sunk into the water. A few will-o’-the-wisps flitted away in response to the disturbance. Panic set in as Kyle’s head reemerged; he didn’t look like someone who could swim. “No aversion to water my ass,” Eddie hissed through clenched teeth. He dug his hands into his back pockets and haphazardly tossed his phone and wallet into nearby grass without paying attention to where they landed.  A moment later, he jumped into the water.

Eddie’s legs propelled him forward with forceful kicks. When he heard thrashing beneath the surface, he knew Kyle couldn’t be far. He resurfaced next to him with a gasp. “Hold on, I’ve got you!” he sputtered, positioning himself behind Kyle. Eddie’s arms slipped underneath his friend’s and tightly locked their bodies together. He only needed to get them back to land, but the difficulty of such a task would be determined by what called the waterfalls their home. Eddie internally begged for mercy as carried Kyle through the water with their backs to their destination.

Something grabbed ahold of Kyle from behind, and he didn’t immediately know what it was. He fought against the grip, twisting about in an attempt to break free. Belatedly, he realized it was Eddie that was holding him. Kyle opened his mouth to tell Eddie that he couldn’t swim, but got a mouthful of water instead. He coughed hard, choking on it. 

Kyle bobbed with Eddie, kicking in a feeble attempt to help them get safely to shore. Through his coughs, he gasped for air and hyperventilated. Something primal inside him awakened, but the fear of drowning kept it at bay. He probably should’ve mentioned that he couldn’t swim, but he hadn’t wanted Eddie to feel bad about the choice of venue. Now, it seemed silly, at best, to have not mentioned.

It didn’t matter that Kyle kept the truth to himself, it only mattered that Eddie needed to get them to safety. They kicked in tandem against the water for a while, unbothered by the water’s inhabitants. It seemed like neither of them would lay claim to a watery grave until Kyle’s body went limp in his arms. The weight nearly dragged Eddie under, but he fought tirelessly to keep them on course.

When they reached land, Eddie pulled Kyle in front of him and pressed his feet against the waterlogged riverbank for leverage. He hoisted his friend’s body onto land as best he could before pulling himself out of the water next to him.

Eddie wasted no time in positioning himself above Kyle and gently gripping his jaw. Despite only ever having seen mouth-to-mouth resuscitation performed by actors, he immediately lowered his lips onto Kyle’s.

Kyle was convinced they were sinking. They were sinking and Eddie was going to die and it was his fault. He couldn’t tell if it was the truth or the anxiety, but he was pretty sure his kicks were pulling them down, not out. So he stopped. He stopped fighting, mentally begging Eddie to not do the same. Kyle wasn’t exactly against the idea of death, but Eddie was here with him. He didn’t want anyone else to suffer on his behalf. That,. and he was certainly against a watery death. He held his breath and waited. 

When they were on land, Kyle didn’t dare open his eyes. What if he saw the lights and went back into the water? What if he saw Eddie and died on the spot for being such a lame ass nerd? He had swallowed enough water that his stomach sloshed with it, but he was alive. When he felt something against his lips, his eyes flew open. Was Eddie giving him mouth-to-mouth? Kyle’s hand shot up to the back of Eddie’s head and he threaded his fingers through the medium’s hair. He gave his hair a gentle yank to pull him away.

“Y’know, Carridine,” Kyle rasped, panting. “If you wanted to kiss me, you could’ve just said so.”

The feeling of fingers in his hair caused Eddie’s to fly open. Frozen in shock, he didn’t pull away until Kyle tugged his head back. “I didn’t—that’s not what—” His cheeks skipped past pink and turned bright red. Essentially, Kyle had just admitted to not minding the idea of kissing him. The thought of Alfie squashed Eddie’s chances of returning the sentiment but, under different circumstances—no, absolutely not. He couldn’t think about that right now.

Eddie’s brow furrowed. “I thought you were dead, asshole,” he said as he sat upright. “I told you not to follow them, and what did you do? You followed them.” He would’ve shoved Kyle, or at least swatted at him, but he knew yesterday must have left him with plenty of unseen injuries. Eddie wanted to scold him, not send him to the hospital. “Why didn’t you tell me you can’t swim?” 

His expression softened into a frown as he let out a long exhale. “I can’t lose you, okay?” Even if they didn’t talk as much as Eddie would have liked, he cared about Kyle. With Nell’s grief stirring within him, he couldn’t stand the thought of death taking him too. “So, you’re gonna have to be more careful.” Eddie knew he sounded like a hypocrite and he didn’t care.

“Woah, woah,” Kyle said, holding up his hands in a sign to calm down. “Slow down, tiger, I’m joking.” He pushed himself up into a sitting position with a soft groan. Eddie was red and Kyle started thinking about kissing him for real. His cheeks reddened again and he coughed.

“I didn’t mean to follow them, I—I don’t know what happened. It’s like I couldn’t control my feet anymore.” He looked out at the water and even now, something in his chest wanted him to follow the lights. Kyle stared at the will-o’-the-wisps for a moment too long, but shook his head and looked back at Eddie. “You didn’t ask,” he said, frowning. “You asked if I have an aversion to water and I don’t. I just can’t swim.” The clarification felt stupid now. Rectangles and squares.

Eddie was being sweet and Kyle honestly didn't expect it. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice softening as he averted his gaze. “I—I’m trying to be more careful. About a lot of things. Too many people need me.” He cleared his throat when it felt like it was closing up. “But, hey, that means you have to be careful, too, Carridine.” He fixed Eddie with a serious gaze, his jaw tight. “I’m so fucking tired of bad shit happening to people I care about.”

When Kyle’s gaze drifted to the water, Eddie reached out and guided it back to him. “Eyes on me,” he commanded. It didn’t occur to him that Kyle was already beginning to turn his head away from the will-o’-the-wisps by the time he barked his insistence. Eddie’s anxiety left him too trigger-happy to take a chance. Kyle spun an excuse, to which he immediately rolled his eyes. 

“You and me both,” Eddie said with underlying exhaustion. The amount of people to receive promises of safety from him couldn’t be counted on one hand. One of those people no longer had a pulse. “I’m trying too… kind of.” Eddie chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment.

“I’m not mad at you, by the way,” he said softly. “This shit’s hard.” Eddie’s shoulders raised in an agitated shrug. “Life is hard. It shouldn’t be, but it is. And I—I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Whenever you feel like following the pretty lights or doing something else equally reckless, let me know and I’ll pull you out of the water all over again. Every time, if I can.”

“Always,” Kyle quipped with a wink. He could still feel the heat in his cheeks as he watched the yellow and blue lights dance across Eddie’s face. Eddie looked just as tired as Kyle felt. “Keep trying,” he commanded softly. “I refuse to lose you, too.”

He was too nice. Eddie was too nice for his own damn good. “That’ll get you hurt, you know,” Kyle chided, but his heart wasn’t in it. “Life is hard. And I’m here for you, too, whenever you need me. Don’t get yourself hurt on my behalf, but… If I could swim, this wouldn’t be an issue.” He slid a hand down his face and chuckled. “I care about you, Carridine. Don’t make me regret that.”

Eddie playfully glared at Kyle. It felt an awful lot like they were flirting, and he hated that he didn’t mind the attention. It seemed harmless, at least. Eddie doubted Kyle harbored any genuine feelings for him, especially considering he wasn’t out of the closet yet. Surely, he only intended to tease him. Friends did that; tease each other.

He grinned softly when Kyle mentioned feeling the same way. “There’s still time to get lessons,” he offered. At this point, Eddie would gladly be the one to teach him if it kept the events of today from repeating in the future. “Cross my heart, I’ll make you glad you took a chance on me.” 

Eddie stood up and collected the gifts from the water’s edge. “We should probably get you out of here before the lights draw you back in. Plus, I’m drenched and you smell like a wet dog.” He stood next to Kyle and offered him his free hand. “There’s still a few hours before the full moon rains on our parade. Wanna go back to your place?”

A grin spread across Kyle’s face, that he couldn’t contain. Every time Eddie looked uncomfortable with flirting, it added years to Kyle’s life. He didn’t have real feelings, this is just what friends did. It was fine. As a friend, Kyle could notice how Eddie’s eyes twinkled in the lights. He could think about how warm Eddie’s lips had felt against his own. It was fine. He swallowed a lump in his throat and chuckled. “You’re gonna teach me how to swim?” he asked, skeptically. “And you’re gonna save me when I drown again?”

Kyle rose to his feet beside Eddie. “What time is it?” he asked, brow furrowing. He pulled his phone out of his pocket—oh, shit. He pulled his phone...out of his pocket… “Do you have rice at your place?” His phone was fucked otherwise, and he’d nearly lost his phone three times this year already. “Otherwise, can we get rice somewhere before we go back to mine?” They would have to hurry. Kyle still had plans for the night before the full moon rose. He should text Nell, but that was not going to happen if his phone was fried.

“Mhm,” Eddie confirmed with a nod. “Just means we get to hang-out more often, which is a ‘win’ in my book.” He liked spending time with Kyle, and it seemed like the feeling was mutual. It occurred to him that he could use more friends who actually liked having him around and didn’t lecture him constantly.

A frown tugged at the corners of Eddie’s mouth. He scanned the surrounding area for his phone, rushing to it when he finally found it. “Uh, I think I do,” he murmured as he checked the time. “But we don’t have as much time as I hoped.” 

“If it’s an emergency, you can use mine.” Eddie looked up from the screen. “Either way, we’re gonna want to book it.” Between the shower he desperately needed, wanting to prolong his time with Kyle, and making sure they parted ways safely, their schedule looked pretty tight.

Eddie wanted to hang out with Kyle? His stomach flipped, but he couldn’t tell if that was the amount of water he’d drank or the butterflies. “Alright, you’re on,” he said, and knocked his shoulder against Eddie��s. This meant more to him than he cared to admit.

The small smile that teased the corners of Kyle’s lips faded at Eddie’s comment about the time. “Uh, it’s not an emergency, but—do you know where Nell Vural lives? I really need to see her before the moon rises.” He glanced up at the sky as it began to  shift from a burnt sienna into a deep purple. They were cutting it way closer than comfortable. “If you could actually take me there, that would be ideal.” Kyle hadn’t been using the wolfsbane exactly as intended and had used the last of it the night before to keep the wolf tranquilized. If he didn’t have it tonight… “Let’s go.”

Eddie immediately retaliated by shoving Kyle with his own shoulder but, instead of immediately breaking contact between them, he continued to lean against him for a few moments. Being out in the water left him exhausted, and it felt good to have help remaining upright. Besides, Eddie never was one to shy away from physical affection. “Bet,” he replied simply.

“Nell?” Eddie questioned, trying to hide his disappointment. “Yeah, I know where she lives.” Kyle would be shifting soon, he didn’t need to be around for that. When it came to full moons, he tried to remind himself that the werewolf would know best, and he shouldn’t take the decision personally. “Yeah, let’s go,” he echoed before leading the way to his car.

[specterchasing-a]

People Like Us || Morgan & Eddie

TIMING: Current

LOCATION: Morgan’s House

PARTIES: @mor-beck-more-problems​ & @specterchasing​

SUMMARY: Eddie needs help accepting the truth about who he is, and who better to lend a hand than Morgan Beck? 

CONTAINS: Internalized homophobia tw, domestic abuse mention tw (section is tagged)

Eddie learned Morgan didn’t pull punches the day he came across her picnicking among the headstones of Jericho Hill. She took one look at him and effortlessly seemed to understand what made him tick. At the time, he didn’t realize she went easy on him. He knew better now. After their last conversation, he doubted she wanted anything to do with him, or that she ever would again. Unfortunately, that didn’t change how badly he needed her help.

He pulled his car into her driveway and put it in park. Unsteady breaths staggered the rise and fall of his chest. “In through the nose, out through the mouth,” Eddie quietly instructed himself as he exited the car, flinching when the car door slammed shut upon its release from his hand. Moonlight assisted the mansion’s porchlight in illuminating the path to her front door. If it weren’t for the sound of his heart pounding in his ears, he might have appreciated the sleepy suburban ambience.

Eddie reached the door and raised his fist, hesitating at the last second. If he turned around now, he could probably still make it to his car before Morgan noticed it in her driveway. He swallowed hard, past the lump in his throat, and felt his eyes begin to sting with budding tears. Leaving now would only prove her right for calling him a coward. “Shit,” he sighed before finally knocking.

Morgan couldn’t remember the last time she’d heard someone knock on the front door. When Bex and Mina stayed, they had keys. Urk rang the bell or called out, blubbering, through the window. An unexpected knock on the door was the wrong kind of normal. Even the cats complained with tense ears and whiny meows. Make it go away.

“Yeah, I’m working on it,” Morgan mumbled. She hesitated before approaching the door, bracing herself for the worst, then decided that maybe there was no such thing in White Crest and flung it open only to find… “Eddie?” She was too surprised to keep the incredulity out of her voice. As far as she was aware they had nothing left to say to each other. She frowned, struggling to process. “Uh….can I help you?”

The sight of Morgan instantly inflamed Eddie’s precarious emotional state. He blinked as the budding tears started to blossom. More people had seen him cry in the past few weeks than he cared to admit, and Eddie wasn’t eager to add another name to the list. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like he had a say in the matter once a stray tear fled down his cheek. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurted. “God, Morgan, I’m so sorry.” Eddie bled as much sincerity into his apology as he could muster, she needed to believe him. “I can’t do this.” He shrugged helplessly before his arms crossed tightly over his chest. “You were right about everything, and I want to set things right. With Bex, with you, with myself.” His teeth dug into the inside of his cheek momentarily. “But I’m scared and I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t have anyone else I can go to about this. Only one other person knows about me, and he doesn’t know Bex the way you do.” 

Whatever hostility Morgan had been holding onto against Eddie melted as soon as she saw his tears. And then his arms over his chest, the way he seemed desperate to hold himself together when the truth was he couldn’t, his guilt, his hurt. Morgan had seen it dozens of times, almost half of them in the mirror when she was even younger than Eddie. She didn’t know what else to do but come out and wrap him up as best she could. 

“Okay,” she said. “Okay. You’re gonna be okay, Eddie. It doesn’t feel like it, but you will be.” She pulled away, searching his face to find his comfort levels, and gave him a little tug. “Come inside, tell me what you’re worried about, and we’ll come up with something, okay?” She gave him the softest smile she could; nothing was so bad if you could smile a little about it.

Morgan didn’t yell at him, or slam the door in his face like Eddie thought she would. Instead, she hugged him, and that wasn’t something he prepared himself for on the drive over. His throat tightened as he returned the gesture, arms wrapping around her as he grounded himself within the moment. Eddie didn’t receive much physical affection. Usually, he was the one dishing it out, but he appreciated the role reversal more than he could say.

She spoke to him in words of affirmation so kind he almost believed them. As far as he could tell, ‘okay’ was officially out of his reach and would be for the foreseeable future, but he decided not to argue. He caught her eye when she pulled back and he made an effort to smile, but the best he could do was purse his lips together. Eddie followed her inside, nodding along with everything she said. 

“Thank you,” he said softly now that they were surrounded by the mansion’s walls. “Sorry, I didn’t get this far in my head,” Eddie admitted after a beat of silence. He wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand and nervously ran his fingers through his hair. “What I’m worried about is essentially everything.” He didn’t intend to sound so dramatic, but his entire world was changing around him, and he didn’t know how to talk about that nonchalantly. “But, uhm, we can start with Bex. I have to tell her. I don’t want to, but I have to, and she’s going to hate me. I don’t have a lot of friends, Morgan, so losing her is gonna suck for me.” 

Morgan led Eddie into the kitchen and started on some tea. The last thing he needed was to dehydrate while he was this tense. She smirked to herself, remembering that everything went wrong between them around a teapot last time. Maybe this could be a good do-over for both of them. While the water boiled, she put her hands on his shoulders and guided him to sit. 

“Eddie,” she began, warm and gentle. “You’re getting a little ahead of yourself. Why, exactly, do you think Bex is going to hate you? For that matter, why do you think anyone who really cares about you will?” She brushed back his messy hair, sighing. After all these years, not much had changed, not for the kids she knew, at least. “Eddie Carridine, there is nothing wrong with being the person you are. There is nothing bad or ugly or inferior about the person you were made to be. Who told you that there was?”

Eddie didn’t take in much of his surroundings. Morgan’s interior design choices passed by in a blur on their way to the kitchen. He watched as she prepared a pot of tea, the parallel between tonight and their last meeting not being lost on him either. He hoped to actually stick around long enough to try it this time. 

Morgan encouraged him to sit down, and Eddie obliged. His eyes, a little wider than usual, locked onto hers as she kept him from continuing on his downward spiral. The tone she used, the way she pushed his hair out of his face, it all felt so foreign. After Eddie learned to walk and talk, his parents never soothed him with gentle voices or gestures of affection. They preferred to let Eddie work through emotional distress on his own. They told him it would build character, but all it ever did was make him feel desperately alone. Having Morgan, someone he barely knew, do what they refused to without prompting left him feeling conflicted, but mostly grateful.

“Bex is going to hate me because I don’t think we can work through these kinds of differences,” Eddie announced, wishing he could keep the tone light. If he could, maybe the weight pressing down on his chest would start to let up. “Our relationships will be over and, I dunno, I feel like that might upset her.” Bex genuinely seemed to like him, which remained an overwhelming source of guilt.

As far as who told Eddie that being himself was a punishable offense, the list went on and on. “Do you have all day?” he asked dryly. Deflecting didn’t make him feel any better. A sigh slipped past his lips and he decided to take the question more seriously. “My parents, for starters,” he said as the lump in his throat returned. “They, uh, had expectations for me, still do, actually. And I really think this would be the final straw for them. Right now, the only reason I’m still on their insurance and why they pay my car-note is that they’re holding onto hope that I might still grow up to be a normal boy, with a normal wife, and normal kids.”

“Oh, Eddie…” Morgan sighed, brushing through the rest of his hair. “Normal isn’t a real thing. It’s an aspirational lie. No one’s normal. And, sure, you spend your time on YouTube and you can see dead people, but isn’t that also kind of what makes you amazing? Why shouldn’t this also be something that makes you amazing?” She focused on his eyes, willing him to unclench just a little more, to make this easier for both of them. “Also, not every breakup has to end in anyone hating anyone. There’s even a proud tradition in certain circles of staying friends with exes.” Also, Bex had the same secret as Eddie. But that wasn’t hers to tell. 

The kettle raddled on the stove and Morgan went to attend to it. She reached for a jar of something ready-made and dipped a heaping spoonful into the infuser and started preparing their cups. “I want to get to the heart of this with you, I do, but I need to know what level of ‘last straw’ you’re talking about here. I mean, are your parents going to hurt you, if you tell them this? Do you need to secure some resources for yourself or have someone pseudo-indestructible around? Also--” She brought the tea to the kitchen island and slid it toward Eddie before climbing onto the stool next to him. “You still haven’t told me yet. What we’re talking around, what you’re trying to accept about yourself. It might help, if you can name it.”

Eddie wanted so badly to see normality the way Morgan did, but the idea of it seemed incontestably desirable to him in this case. All his life, his parents barely acknowledged his existence and he knew he should resent them for it, but he still craved their approval in spite of everything; in spite of himself. Just once, he wanted them to recognize him as something to be proud of instead of branding him a failure with every step he took. 

“Amazing?” Eddie echoed quietly. The sudden commendation shooed away all thoughts of his parents. He looked up at Morgan like he expected her to take it back. “Most people just think the ghost thing is kind of weird.” His shoulders raised in a soft shrug. Ghosts gave his life meaning, but his dedication to them also made it more difficult to navigate. “Or fake.” Amazing. The word hung stubbornly in his mind as if daring him to believe what Morgan said could be true. “How can something that keeps me up at night be amazing?” he asked genuinely. Before he could take a leap of faith and try to celebrate instead of hide, he needed more answers.

“I’d like that,” Eddie said about staying friends with Bex. “I really do care about her, that part wasn’t a lie.” The calming way Morgan familiarized herself with his hair and seemed to know exactly what to say slowly encouraged him to take refuge in the safety of his time with her. He sniffled, but the tears in his eyes were drying. Breathing came a little easier now, which felt like a miraculous turn of events.

[DOMESTIC ABUSE MENTION]

“Not physically, I don’t think,” he answered honestly, his eyes following her as she tended to the tea. “Dad’s only ever lost his temper with me like that once.” Not a fond memory, but enough time spanned between now and then that Eddie could discuss it without unravelling. “I think they’d disown me though,” he added softly. He caught the cup of tea she slid his way and focused on the steam rising to meet his face instead of his parents. “I make good enough money, but I won’t turn down the other offer, if only for moral support.” He turned his head to face her as she sat down and made another attempt at a smile, this time with marginally more success.

[END OF DOMESTIC ABUSE MENTION]

The hint of a smile diminished when she probed for a label. Saying it out loud to Alfie hadn’t been easy, and maybe he’d been naïve for thinking it wouldn’t be hard the second time around. “I’m—” His eyes closed tightly as his head tilted to the side. He hated this, the way a three letter word felt like Mt. fucking Everest. “This is such bullshit,” Eddie announced with suddenly reopening eyes. He straightened up and took a breath. Try again. “I—I like guys, I guess.” The words shot out of his mouth faster than his usual speech, but he said it. And he didn’t feel sick. In fact, he felt kind of relieved. “One guy in particular, but yeah. I’m gay, probably. I dunno, something like that.” He winced at his convoluted confession, but he guessed it could have been worse. It could have been like the last time she tried to goad him into honesty. 

Morgan ached to see how much Eddie craved comfort,  like he’d been starved for it his whole life. He had the kind of hurt that didn’t show up on the body, the kind that she carried, that was so easy to delude yourself about. And how many times had her throat closed up when she’d tried to tell her mother, Sorry, everything’s my fault because I can only like girls! I’m a lesbian! It had been years before the words came easy to her. Eddie was only just getting started. 

“Hey,” she said softly, reaching for a clean towel and leaning over to wipe his cheeks with all the care she wished for him. “It’s not bullshit. It’s hard, I know it’s hard. But you are one of the dreamiest gay boys that ever popped out of the rainbow, and we are all so lucky that you exist. Maybe even especially the boy you like. I want to hear all about him, but first, new plan: we’re moving somewhere comfy. You’re not a part of the family until you’ve had an emotional moment in the great room, so let’s get moving.” 

She hopped off her stool and took Eddie’s mug and led him further into the house, toward the large plushy couch she and everyone she loved spent so much time on. “Also, I hope this goes without saying, but I will be there for support if that’s what you want. Just tell me when and where to show up. But, back to the main point: you’re amazing, and whatever happens, there’s no good reason for anyone to think differently. Especially because you’re gay. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we make the world go round in the most fabulous ways. But, conditioning, parents, society--there’s a lot of bullshit that keeps people like us from understanding that. When I came out to my mother, I was crying and apologizing because I thought I was literally cursing our family with my gayness. So as much as I believe in you, as much as I’m making this sound like some obvious truth--because it is--I can imagine why you might have a hard time believing it. But I don’t want to guess or project too much of myself.” At last, she settled down in her usual spot among the cushions, floating around them for how little she felt their presence. “So, can I ask you? Other people aside, because we can’t control other people’s choices, what about being gay scares you, or worries you or makes you feel...weird?”

Being called ‘one of the dreamiest gay boys to ever pop out of the rainbow’ managed to inspire Eddie’s first genuine smile of the night. Traces of sadness still lingered on his face, but he appreciated the break in tension more than he knew how to say. He didn’t know how to grapple with her saying people were lucky to know him, especially within the current context, it felt surreal. He wanted to thank Morgan in a way that showcased how much everything she said meant to him, but everything he thought to say fell short.

In the great room, he made himself comfortable next to her on the couch. A family of people like Morgan sounded too good to be true like most of what she said. Thinking about it reminded him of what she told him about the importance of hope, and Eddie decided there must have been some truth to it. As scary as it was to picture a brighter future for himself, it began to seem less like a lost cause.

“You apologized?” He didn’t mean to sound so shocked. Even though he knew better, it often seemed like self-acceptance came easier to everyone else. Hearing that even Morgan struggled to come to terms with her sexuality made him feel  substantially less alone. Eddie considered her next question carefully by turning his attention inward, it wasn’t something he often did. Pleasing the people around him automatically took precedence over making himself happy.

“Thinking about it now, I guess most of what scares me has to do with other people,” he admitted. “Rejection, ridicule, judgment, harassment. Those are the big ones and, like you said, all of that’s out of my control.” Eddie took his first sip of tea now that enough time had passed for it to cool. His hands shook a little. “If all I had to worry about was myself, I…” he trailed off in contemplation. “When I’m alone with Alfie, he’s the guy I mentioned, everything else falls away. When I touch him or manage to make him laugh—that’s it. That’s all that matters; just us. And it feels… amazing until I ask myself how people might react if they saw us. Then I start to feel dirty or-or like I’m doing something wrong, kind of like I’m going to be punished for being happy because…. because that’s always how it’s been.” Eddie realized how true what he said was as he said it. “Being gay scares me because it makes me happy.”

Had Morgan apologized to her mother? “Oh, profusely. I actually thought, if I just kept apologizing, maybe I wouldn’t ever have to actually say it and potentially break what little good there was between my mother and me. But she gave me this impatient look, and I had to, so I did. And it was--” She paused, smiling sadly. “It was maybe the only time she was really sorry for anything she’d done. She uh...she took care of me for a little bit. And that was nice. But this was in 1999, and we had an implicit understanding to keep that part of me on a need-to-know basis. But, things are different, in some ways. Maybe not for your parents, maybe not everywhere, but here? So different. So much better.” She ruffled his hair again and tried to look ahead into something better, lighter than the world he was currently living in. What would he even look like if he was really happy?

“Eddie, I really, really mean what I’m about to say. And I am saying it as someone who was literally cursed with eternal suffering during her life. As a lesbian born in ‘81. As someone who knows all kinds of logic-mazes for explaining why happiness equals bad. Okay?” She took a deep breath and turned his face gently to make sure he was looking at her face. “Love itself is never wrong. And so any happiness that comes from love can never be wrong. And you, Eddie, are so worthy of love. The last thing you need to carry is shame for discovering love, which is one of the best parts of being alive. And the last thing you should do is starve your humanity from love because of other people. The people who are happy for you and your love are the ones you should build community with anyway.”

1999 sounded like a lifetime ago. For Eddie, it nearly was. With the current state of the world and the issues its inhabitants faced, he couldn’t imagine what it must have been like back then. A need-to-know basis, that’s how Morgan described the experience. Eddie shook his head sadly. Living like that must have been so draining. Even now, for all his fear and uncertainty, he knew how lucky he was to be alive now instead of then. If he’d been born alongside Morgan in the ‘80s, this conversation likely wouldn’t have been possible. Not with her, and not with anyone else, for that matter. 

Looking to the past and acknowledging the hard-won fights of those who came before him, especially while sitting next to one of the veterans, an unexpected feeling came over Eddie. His journey, although he would be the one most affected by it, wasn’t only about him. 

“It’s different because of people like you,” he said. “I—” Eddie felt a knot form in his throat. “Morgan, if it wasn’t for you, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to reach this point. Years, maybe? And that’s if it ever happened at all.” Harsh as she’d been, her words resonated with him and carried him through confessing to Alfie. “You saw me, really saw me, and refused to tolerate the bullshit. I think I understand why now.” He shifted to face her more fully. “I want to be more like you, Morgan. Someone who makes the world a better place by existing as is, not someone who hides for the comfort of people who don’t love them.”

Love, happiness, community. Morgan said the words and Eddie latched onto them for dear life. He knew better than to think this would be easy, or that his budding bravery would never again waver in the face of adversity, but he felt better equipped to face the future. “I think you’re right,” he ventured as a look of determination shone in his bleary eyes. “I mean, I want to, anyway, and that’s a start. It’s more than I had before.”

Morgan went still, completely bewildered. “I didn’t do much,” she admitted quietly. “I was too scared. I told myself I’d just make things worse all around. But, you know, everyone was kind of scared back then. It was never about some people magically not being scared. It was about not letting your fear trap you into a life so much smaller than what you should have. You--don’t need to be like me, Eddie. Especially not the me I was at your age. I--maybe it’s not fair of me, but I really just want to spare you some of the suffering I carried with me for so long, and the suffering of people I knew. I saw tiny maneuvers that I used to make when we were talking and I saw your hurt and I just wanted to make it stop for you.” She shrugged. “Don’t wait to find the love of your life until you’re at the ass-end of your thirties. I mean, if it takes that long, who cares, because it’s exactly as cheesy and gratifying as every song you’ve ever heard makes it sound and that is worth every star in the universe. But don’t wait that long to try! You are so young, and it is over so fast. What a waste to spend it hiding when you can be testing your capacity for joy?”

She beamed at Eddie and gave his arm a squeeze. “Deciding to is a really good start. All that’s next is doing it. Do you want to figure out what you want to say? To Bex? To your parents?”

Even with Morgan telling him he didn’t need to be like her, Eddie didn’t let her convince him. He wouldn’t argue and insist she accept his purview, that didn’t seem like it would do much good. Instead, he decided to show her his appreciation with his actions moving forward. She thought she didn’t do much, and he imagined it really did feel that way, but it got her to where she was now; teaching him how to love himself in a way no one had done before. Whether she knew it or not, he owed her immensely.

He grinned when she mentioned finding the love of her life. Eddie was grateful she did, and wondered if he might have too. He knew it was too soon to tell even if he and Alfie had known each other for years, but it didn’t hurt to play with the thought. 

Eddie took a deep breath when she asked where he’d like to begin. “Bex, definitely,” he said with a confident nod. “I don’t want whatever my mom and dad have to say about it to throw me off before I have a chance to enjoy myself, y’know? With Bex, at least she won’t hold it against me for just… being who I am.”

“No, she won’t,” Morgan agreed. “She won’t appreciate being lied to, but she’s not a closed minded girl. I think being honest about why you did what you did and why you’re doing this now is a good step alongside, you know, ‘guess what babe, I’m gay’. It’s kind of awful, but coming clean is usually the fastest way to fix something when you’ve made a mess. Even if it also feels like the hardest.” And maybe Bex would have some relief and tell Eddie about all those ‘I love you’s she’d exchanged with Mina by the pool. But as much as that would give Eddie some comfort, it wasn’t hers to tell. And maybe he’d feel braver, going in prepared for the worst and finding his world still intact. “Although, maybe don’t be that casual and literally say that. Unless it helps you say it easier! Once the words have come out, you sort of have to keep going with them, and that can actually be as great as it is scary.”

Eddie’s head bobbed in agreement as Morgan offered advice. He wouldn’t let doubt trickle in and throw him off course, not yet. If she said Bex would understand, he trusted her. They lived together once, made art together, they had to have been close. Eddie momentarily wondered why that all came to an end, but now wasn’t the time to ask questions like that. In any case, it wasn’t his business what went on between Bex and Morgan even if he cared about both of them a great deal.

He breathed a soft laugh through his nose when she advised him against being as casual as her example. “I have… no idea what the easiest way to say it will be,” he admitted. “I try to plan it out in my mind and a wall goes up.” He made a sharp gesture with his hand to mimic the wall being built. “Maybe…” Eddie trailed off as an idea began forming. “Okay, what if you pretend to be Bex and we play out what might happen? I think I’ll do better with a trial run.”

Morgan snorted with laughter. “We, uh--” Could, but there’s no way I can prepare you for her not-girlfriend in the pool. “Yeah! Why not. Bex is not the most predictable girl, but I will do my best.” She took a deep breath and adjusted herself on the couch. “Hey, Eddie,” she said, doing her best imitation of Bex’s speech cadence. “You said you wanted to talk to me about something?”

Eddie straightened up and mentally prepared himself, but the second Morgan imitated Bex, he burst out in unexpected laughter. “Is that really what you think Mainers sound like?” he asked in a bubbly tone. “Maybe, just use your normal accent and I’ll rely on my imagination. I cannot take you seriously when you sound like that.”

“What? That was totally spot-on!” Morgan said, laughing in spite of herself. She shook out her hair and tossed it into Bex’s usual middle part. “Is this not the spitting image? I don’t have the height, but I’ve got the nervous puppy eyes.” Morgan demonstrated, and not too badly, but only because she already had that face in her arsenal long before she met Bex. “But, okay, okay. I am me and you are imagining me as Bex: Hey, Eddie. What did you want to talk to me about?”

When Morgan insisted her Bex impersonation had been spot-on, Eddie immediately shook his head defiantly. “You have natural puppy dog eyes, doing that doesn’t count towards your score. Let me show you a real Bex impersonation.” He took a moment to get into character. His hands clasped in his lap, his shoulders jutted forward slightly to give the impression of timidity, and his eyes widened with brightness.

“Oh, um, hi, Morgan,” he said, altering his voice to convey Bex’s signature nervous excitement. “You said—You said you wanted to talk to me, right? I was busy studying, y’know, about anthropology—” Eddie nearly made himself break character by laughing, but quickly centered himself. “But I… I want to hear what you have to say.”

Eddie raised both hands palm-side up and leaned back with a satisfied expression on his face. “And that’s how it’s done.”

When Morgan was herself as Bex and Eddie returned to being Eddie, the seriousness of the situation crept back up on him. “What I want to talk to you about is… well, us,” he started slowly. His heart picked up speed within his chest even though he wasn’t actually talking to Bex. “I haven’t been completely honest with you about… about who I am. I haven’t been honest with myself, either, but I want to change that, starting now. Bex, I care about you very much and losing you as a friend would wreck me, but I can’t be your boyfriend anymore.” The words flowed from him with surprising ease. When he talked instead of obsessively thinking about what he wanted to say, it came naturally to him.

“I’m gay, and I need to stop hurting both of us by pretending that I’m not.”

Morgan thought carefully, trying to think of Bex’s worst case scenario and some response that wouldn’t crush Eddie’s spirit. Empathy wasn’t always her strong suit, and this had been going on for a little while… “Oh. When you say that, do you mean, did you know that you were when you asked me out? And when we kissed?”

“Yes,” Eddie responded hesitantly. He needed to be as honest as possible and not allow himself to hide behind excuses. Even if he did, he knew Morgan would call him out. “At the time, I thought it might be something I could change or, at least, conceal by being in a relationship with you. I understand if you’re upset with me, but I… I really do care about you. I never should’ve wrapped you up in my self-loathing. You deserve better than that.”

“I...can’t believe you used me like that. I think...I’m going to need a little bit of time with this. All this time, I was sort of hoping you’d be one of the few people who wasn’t lying to me,” Morgan said, choosing her words carefully. “But I don’t hate you Eddie. I could never hate you. And I don’t want to stop being your friend. Are you--gonna be okay and all?”

Eddie appreciated Morgan’s commitment to letting things play out honestly even though it stung. “I’m sorry for being so selfish. I will try my best to make it up to you in the future, if you’ll let me. Once… once you’ve had time, of course.” At the very least, Morgan elected to have her version of Bex not cut him out of her life completely. It gave him a little hope. “Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna be okay,” he said softly, slipping out of the scene as he struggled a little under the weight of it. He knew he could do this, or hoped he could anyway, but it was hard. And it would be even harder when it really happened. “How was that?” he asked Morgan, not Bex, hoping she would accept that he’d reached his limit. After the past 24 hours and all they entailed, he was starting to feel the gravity of emotional exhaustion take its toll.

fadaMorgan beamed and drew Eddie tight into her arms. “That was good. That was so, so good. And you were so brave. And I need to tell you now, I don’t think it’ll be that bad. But I did think that you might feel better if you’ve practiced the worst-case scenario with her I could think of, and know it’ll be okay. And it will be. One way or another, I know it will be okay with you and Bex. Alright?”

Eddie melted into the embrace immediately. He appreciated how well Morgan already knew to take care of him. After years spent being touch-starved, moments like this were life-savers. “I’m glad you played it that way,” he said as he wrapped his arms around her. “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best.” Everything felt heavy, but he only needed to carry it a little further. “I trust you,” he said, meaning it with his entire heart. “I think I’m gonna be okay.”

[stones-x-bones]

To Be Frank || Solo

CONTENT: Domestic abuse

Frank had knocked on the door so late at night, the maid almost jumped from her skin, before she’d shuffled out of bed and taken an extra three minutes to get to the front to answer it-- in which Frank managed to knock at least ten more times while calling through the door. With a sigh, she had invited him and had instructed him to wait while she fetched the young mistress. And when she’d knocked on Bex’s door and prodded it open to check, Bex had already been awake, unable to sleep with the events of the night still on her mind. She almost told Vanessa to tell him she was asleep, but they all knew that would be a lie he could see through. So with a sigh, she’d followed her out into the foyer.

  Frank was examining one of the photos hanging in the entryway, a family portrait that looked like an old renaissance painting but really was less than a decade old. Vanessa left Bex after a short glare, a reminder that her parents were asleep two hallways away, cozy behind their engraved double doors. 

Bex turned her attention to Frank, and said under breath, “What are you doing here so late?” 

“I came to make sure that thing didn’t follow you here,” he said back, concern in his voice-- but all Bex saw was the anger in his eyes. He reached out to take her shoulders, but she flinched back, the bruise still throbbing on her wrist. He paused, as if he suddenly realized what he’d done. “I care about you, you know that,” he went on, quieter, as if just remembering they were not alone in the house. “And people like that-- that girl-- are dangerous.” 

Bex recoiled, stepping back. She had so much to say, words flitting through her head-- she’d never thought he was like that, she never thought he’d be like this, that he’d think she was like that-- but she couldn’t find any one to rest on. “Can we-- can we please not do this right now?” she said into the quiet room, hoping her hushed voice would remind him to keep it down as well. “Frank, I’m tired and my parents are sleeping, can you please just come back in the morning and we can talk about this?” 

“Talk about? There’s nothing to talk about, Odi!” Frank said, throwing his arms out. “I didn’t mean what I said at the theater, okay? I do care. And I don’t want you around people like her.” 

There was something Frank wasn’t telling her, Bex could see it. Behind the words and the sounds, there was something else there. She just didn’t know what. She didn’t understand why.

“What do you mean, like her?” Bex hissed, defensive without meaning to be. “I never thought you were so-- closed minded.” 

“People like-- fuck, Odi,” Frank said, running hands through his hair, “not like that. I don’t mean...that. She’s a--” but he paused, again, and hid something from her. It was in his eyes. “Just, trust me, okay? I know what people like her are like. They only wanna hurt you.”

Bex shook her head. She didn’t understand what he was saying. What did he mean? If he didn’t care that Mina was queer, then what did he mean? What part of her could he hate so much he’d do that? “How can I trust you if you won’t tell me?” she balked, still in a quiet, hushed voice. 

“Because it’s-- it’s more complicated than that!” Frank shouted, and Bex flinched. Not because of the volume of his voice or even his hands flying free, but because she knew his voice was loud enough to wake up her parents and their anger was a thousand times more dangerous than Frank’s. “Just-- trust me! You know me. Why are you trying to defend her over me?”

“Because I don’t understand Frank!” Bex said hurriedly, glancing behind her before looking back at him. “Help me understand!” 

“It-- I can’t. I can’t tell you,” Frank stuttered.

“Well, why not?” Bex asked, unsure and confused still. There were a lot of things she didn’t understand, but this didn’t have to be one of them and she just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t tell her.

“Because-- because you’re not part of that world.” And even through the lackluster explanation, Bex felt some sort of heart inside of him, some sort of genuine sense of want to tell her, but something was stopping him.

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” she said, voice quiet, tired. She wanted this to be over. “Frank, please, I just...I just want to understand.”

“Well you can’t!” he snapped, louder now. “You just have to trust me. Haven’t you known me long enough to just, I dunno-- give me that!?” 

Had she known him long enough for that? She wasn’t sure. She’d known him for several months now, almost a year, but before that, she’d only heard stuff about his family. About how they, too, were a big family presence in White Crest. Had been here generations, too. It’s why her parents had been thrilled when she’d announced they were “dating”. “Yes, okay,” she relented quietly, “I’ve known you for a long time, but I’m not going to just stop being friends with Mina if you won’t tell me why I shouldn’t be. She’s a good person, she's never tried to hurt me or do anything. In fact, when we were jumped on campus, she protected me. So I trust you, I do, but I can’t just...take your word for it without reason.”

Frank looked at her like he had no idea that was what she was going to say. He looked at her completely flabbergasted, eyes wide. “You’re really choosing her over me? After everything? After I told you I--” but he cut himself off short, and he shook his head. “Guess you really made your choice, then, didn’t you?” Started backing up towards the door, still shaking his head. “You know, I thought you were smarter than this.” He yanked the door open.

“Frank,” Bex started, “Frank, wait.” She needed him still. She followed him outside, the cold air harsh on her skin. “Frank!” She reached for him but he pulled away. 

“Wait for what, Odelia? For you to decide what you want from me? I’m tired of waiting. I gave you two weeks. And clearly, you don’t want what I do.” 

“Frank,” Bex insisted, “we agreed. We agreed it was just for-- for show. Please, I need you. Please.” 

“No, Odelia,” Frank said, rounding on her. “What you need, is to figure your shit out.” There wasn’t anger in his eyes anymore, only hurt. “Stop being a coward. Either come out or don’t, but quit stringing other people along with you.” 

Bex was hushed quiet, jaw snapping shut. She looked up at him with lips pressed together, eyes wide. She didn’t say anything.

Frank nodded knowingly, letting out a huff of air. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He ran his hands through his hair, backing away again. “So, you know what, just-- figure your shit out, Odelia. Until then, just-- don’t call.” 

And he started walking away, head slumped. Bex stayed outside a moment, breath coming out in puffs in front of her. She was so focused on watching Frank’s retreating form, wondering how she was going to fix this. Maybe she could just call him tomorrow and tell him what he wanted to hear. She could agree to be for real or whatever it was he wanted. She could agree to that. She could do that, right? 

And she had been so caught up in her thoughts she hadn’t heard the man calling out to her. Not until his vice grip-- so icy and familiar-- was around her arm, yanking her out of her daze/

“Odelia,” came her father’s harsh voice. Her veins filled with ice as she looked up at him and knew-- he had heard everything. “Get inside this instance, you are making a scene.” She shrunk underneath his gaze, his grip. He lifted her up, grip so tight. She didn’t struggle. He dragged her inside and slammed the door shut. Bex stumbled, catching herself on the banister. Her eyes rose and at the top of the stairs was her mother, gazing down at her with nothing but disappointment. She shook her head and walked away.

With a sinking dread, Bex knew what was going to happen next. Her father rounded on her, boring down on top of her. She flinched away but the strike never came. “Go to your room,” he snapped and Bex opened her eyes. “We will discuss this in the morning.” Mercy was taken, however small, and she scrambled up the stairs and to her bedroom, too afraid to look back and wonder if he would change his mind before she got there.

The door clicked closed behind her, and so did the lock.