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hhjs · 3 years

Text

love or lack thereof.

pairing — felix x reader

genre / trope — angst, fluff / exes with benefits.

word count — 7.7k

warnings — suggestive, heavy implications, swearing, some making out but no actual r rated stuff but i will say this is suitable for 18 and up audiences.

note — this is unedited, subject to change. spare me lol

There are two sides to every person. The side that you want people to see and the side that you keep to yourself.

You think you've come to discover all those aspects of Lee Felix. Given that he's sweet, unassuming and inexplicably kind to the naked eye but you know, the rising anger in you knows he's only ever been cruel to you.

"Move," you seethe, he moves to let you in but you unintentionally knock your shoulder against his. There's people on the subway, and you hate the way Felix's innocent gaze finds yours for a second and it makes you look like the bad guy.

You feel the disapproving glare of a grandma who has a crumpled catalogue about seasonal pie recipes on her lap, as if she can't believe how much of a cunt you were being to an absolute stranger.

A roll of eyes follows, fishing for your ear phones, if only they knew.

Seeing your ex boyfriend outside of your casual deal hits you with the force of a punch to the gut. But you hid it exceptionally well. Arrogantly jutting your chin upwards. Whilst he cowers beside you, having supposedly caught your sour mood.

To think you had spent an hour with him in a bedroom just formerly...is rather strange. You've been sleeping with him for the past few months now and where it had begun is slightly mysterious to you — was it Chan's birthday party or a clubbing gone wrong one night stand just after Felix had come back to town....? You aren't entirely sure.

Albeit the arrangement is ingrained in your head — what you have with him is a secret strictly kept from your friends who otherwise if even caught air of a mere conversation between you two would invite an influx of queries. This is simple, physical, you don't have time for a relationship, let alone one with him and to mend how utterly lonely you are with someone who hasn't already seen you naked, someone who you couldn't blindly trust, is too much work.

Even though Felix is indubitably affected by your unwavering indifference, something he wasn't used to when you were together because of how giving you were to sate his utterly needy tendencies. Now he feels himself clawing at your hardened exterior in search of just those affections to no actual avail —hurt crossing his eyes when you sneak out of bed without saying goodbye, when days pass and you don't call or text and most importantly, when you're in public and you can't be bothered to spare him as much as a glance. To you, it's nothing more and nothing less. You make it a necessity to keep reminding him.

See you liked to pretend you're a resilient person. That in your heart you really do forgive people and move on.

But he is an exception.

"Did you eat?" He perks up, his voice is small. Careful.

You keep your stoic expression, looking ahead. "No."

Then he blinks, like he usually does when he doesn't understand why you act the way you do. Impolite, communicating only in monosyllables.

Do you really hate him that much?

There's a hoodie pulled over his black hair, longer along the neck,headphones dangling from his neck and his backpack in his hand, he hopes when he holds onto the same railing as you are, that your fingers should brush just a little.

Despite the way you adamantly ignore him, Felix opens his mouth to utter a passing inquiry. Your jaw clenches. And you desperately begin to scan the city map plastered inside to navigate passengers to their destinations.

"Can we...do you want to get something to eat..." He swallows, "together?"

As if he's crazy for even making such a proposition, you look at him once but from the corner of your eye and he thinks that's a lot considering how often you look past him, through him, never at him. You shake your head, giving him a warning stare.

Across from you, his reflection is frowning at your negative response. Still staring at you with a marveling gleam in his eyes, how much you've changed over the past two years just as he has....still takes him by surprise. Suddenly and unexpectedly, his eyes flicker to yours and he finds you staring at his image against the glassed doors. And like a deer caught in headlights, your heart drops to the depths of your stomach.

The announcement above falls deaf to your ears as you exit in a blind rush of sheer panic. Ignoring the biting cold and unfamiliar station. Your stop is still quite far. Maybe you'd have to take the taxi... or walk.

But in the face of all those hassles you sense yourself feeling incredibly relieved...because frankly, you think, you could go to hell and back if gets you away from him.

—

"So you came to tell me you're just gonna give up? Is that it?"

Felix carefully glances at you through his lashes, silently pursing his lips as to convey the answer.

You stare at the speckles of light kissing up his freckled cheeks, his big beaming eyes, a slightly low bridge but rounded tip of his nose paired with a small upturned mouth.

You can't believe you won't see him again.

Whenever he'd catch a break, he'd take the 2 hour bus to town and come see you, meet you and those once in six months meetings alone, to you, compensated for his lengthy absence.

So it couldn't be the distance, you thought, if that were the case he'd have dumped you when he moved to the capital for university.

Felix just doesn't want to be with you anymore.

"You don't get it...." He closes his eyes, as if he doesn't want to see himself saying what he is about to say, you almost don't get the resistance in his tone. The subtle drop of his Adam's apple. "I don't want to hurt you." He starts, "Just think about this rationally... we're so young, what if I find someone else there?"

Someone...else?

Is it that easy to dispose of you? Aren't you enough?

How foolish of you to only ever think of him.

It felt like Felix was kicking you where knew would hurt the most.

Your sardonic laugh is cracked, garbled and it's so fucking embarrassing that you're crying in the middle of a fast food joint, your fries have gone cold. Had you known seeing him this time would be vastly different from usual, you wouldn't have ordered at all. Why didn't he tell you before? Why had he insisted on catching you unawares?

But then again...this isn't about you at all. This is about Lee Felix. This is about him reducing your worth to make room for himself.

Ultimately, you understand, what is worse than not being loved back is being loved by someone who doesn't love you as much as you do them.

"Well I won't stand in your way then,"

You clear your throat,

"Fuck..." you rub your temple, the sadist in you coughing up hysterical laughs. The ache inside your heart at this point has turned into physical pain, cracks fissuring out against its surface and gnawing at the flesh like its being torn apart at the seams.

You should've seen this coming.

Everyone told you and told you you could only drag on an opposites attract sort of relationship for so long before you start to realise how incompatible you are.

Felix has the audacity to reach over and place his fingertips on your knuckles,his eyes are sad, overflowing with pity. It makes you feel small, the way he looks at you, small, sad and abandoned.

What tips you over the edge, however, is how calm he seems, as if he had been precisely planning to dump you for days and months and years while you continue to make a fool out of yourself never have forseen his decision.

There are tears running down your cheeks, abusing your vision with a vicious sting. You bring your sleeve to collect the needless moisture in a sudden rise of temper that is oh so typical of you.

You snatch your hand away from his touch.

"Don't touch me." You say, the simple comment transfers pain to Felix's eyes, mouth parting in silent words. You want to scream at him, you want to shake him by the collar and tell say something, just say anything at all and I will forgive you. Goddamnit.

In a perfect world, you think, a world where things happened exactly the way they should, you wouldn't have said, instead,

"And don't you fucking dare come back here...ever again."

And...in that very perfect world, he would've listened.

—

Felix thinks he could, dare he say, love everything about you. Even though you most certainly deserve someone who hasn't hurt you the way he has.

Now it's funny actually, how the tables have turned...back then, he wasn't sure about you and now you aren't about him.

Felix doesn't really blame you though...because he knows he asked for it.

Your presence in his life has somehow become an absolute necessity to say the least. And ironically enough, while he had so confidently pushed you to let go of him, he realises he had been holding onto you all along.

Now what was he saying...again?

Right. Felix loves everything about you.

But what he loves most...is the way your hand instinctively finds his heart when you're kissing. It's just a simple movement of your fingers splaying against his chest, the warmth of them seeping through the fabric of his shirt. He doesn't even know why it means so much to him.

His hand drops from your ass to the back of your thighs to situate you closer to his chest. He moans into the kiss when your teeth comes to scrape against his bottom lip, your ministrations are typically rough and speedy but he is seemingly far too absorbed by the exhilarating feeling coursing throughout his entire form — it's not just blatant lust, he knows, but a much deeper understanding that he is inexplicably gladdened by the fact that he's touching you and you're touching him.

A shaky breath leaves Felix's parted lips as he cranes his neck to allow your lingering kisses to shift along his angular jaw.

Then without quite meaning to, his vision focuses on the table clock that reads it's well past midnight...you had run late tonight for reasons you neglected to disclose. Now that he really focuses, a strong musky fragrance akin to unfamiliar men's cologne wafts up his nostrils.

It couldn't be....

As Felix's suspicions run deeper, he restlessly begins to search up every aspect of his surroundings as best as he can in the limited provision of light. There is a large coat discarded on his bed, one he hasn't seen you wear before...then again it might not be yours at all...

You notice how he's stopped responding to you, so you pause, leaning back, still on his lap. "Is something the matter?"

Felix swallows, blinking up innocently at you. This deal is simple, isn't it? He knew what he was getting into the first time you got together and the second and the third and so on, so why had the possibility of you getting involved with someone else even bother him then?

Both of you knew why.

And what's worse is that Felix is sensitive by nature, never truly succeeding to hide his emotions, especially intense ones when faced with them. So he is hyper aware of the fact that what he is feeling in the moment is not jealousy, it's neither anger nor resentment but a deep seated insecurity that he will lose you.

Again.

"Were you...with someone?"

As expected, your hands resign from cupping his face, you avoid looking at him.

"What?"

Felix clears his throat, his accent thicker, voice heavy from disuse. He thinks about something being with you in the same way only he has...and it causes a dull ache inside his chest.

He rests his head back against the sofa and shrugs lazily. As if to prove a point, as if to say did he touch you here? his fingers ride up your t shirt, gently cupping your ribs, he tries not to look too satisfied when you quiver under the touch.

Still you lift yourself up and the sudden lack of contact almost makes him whine.

You stand before him. A hand at your hip.

"Why are you acting like this?" You say and he notes you sound more... curious than annoyed. Though what frustrates him is that you hadn't answered his question. "I thought I made myself clear...there are rules we agreed upon."

Oh he knows — no staying over, no personal questions, no jealousy.

Felix purses his lips. The downside of your forwardness, the same utterly admirable trait he finds really fucking hot, the one that conditions you to tell Minho off when he hogs all of Felix's brownies though the latter himself is too much of a pushover to say anything, the same one which had in times of recurring doubtfulness assured him of your strong feelings towards him, is that you say whatever comes to mind without sparing anyone's feelings.

"I'm just asking, [........]," he lies, trying to control the pain from projecting itself onto his voice. It hurts to see the way you jump to defend yourself around him, as though you're scared he'll hurt you again. The lack of faith you have him, after all this time, causes him hurt. "Why are you getting so upset...."

Felix is gentle. Communicating his feelings through his actions rather than words, cooly, slowly. And you are the exact opposite — there is an immediacy in your conveyance, a roughness. You mean what you say and you say what you mean so you think everyone does too. Which is why, he concludes, his present actions are insufficient to remove the seeds of resentment he'd left in the wake of his bitter utterances when you broke up.

But Felix was only 18 then, a kid completely unaware of his overwhelming need to have you in his life....what matters is, he's trying...he really is, to recover from his mistakes......shouldn't that least matter?

Thinking the slight inhibition in his tone is just a figment of your imagination and that he is simply and indifferently inquiring you, you feel a wave of embarrassment wash over you. Then you drop down on the bed, feeling for his remote.

You sniff through your nose and against your better judgement say, "I went out with an acquaintance,"

On weekends Chan usually wasn't home, you could come over. This is the routine, it has been for some time now...so, you've come to know Felix's room more intimately than your own, the walls are a deep blue, like the kind of blue out of a Holly Warburton painting. There's an old Coldplay poster on the back of his door and X-Men action figures from eons ago lined on the edges of his bookshelf.

You know where everything goes when though it's dark. But that doesn't mean anything.

It shouldn't.

"A acquaintance who gave you their coat midwinter...you must be close,"

You ignore his pointed comment, he ignores the way your eyes light up when you talk about this acquaintance.

"He's nice." You say, "He walked me to the station and everything."

A happy hum comes in response.

Because when was the last time you talked to him as freely as you are?

Felix plops down on his stomach beside you, elevating his form on his elbows. His fingers come to brush loose strands out of your eyes. Your gaze meets his for the second time that week. Slower. As if you hadn't minded looking him this time. He feels his heart being tugged at all possible angles.

Then, because he can't stop himself — he leans down and kisses you, tentative and indolent, like he has all the time in the world, like all he wants to do is kiss. Don't get him wrong...you've done downright unspeakable things with him, to him...but nothing mediates his adoration for you without the employment of speech like these little chaste...purposeless movements. His fingers coming to splay against your neck, thumbing along your throat when you gulp, the tip of your nose brushing against his cheekbone, eyes fluttering shut. They're...they're intimate. Utterly special. He knows you feel it too, from the way you look slightly surprised, searching his face, eyes skimming up any fragment of emotion conveyed in his features. But you don't encourage it, slowly shifting to turn your back as you lay quietly against his chest.

"Let me stay here tonight," you say, "I'm tired."

"Okay,"

Felix thinks you've broken not one, but two rules now. He hadn't expected you to answer. He hadn't expected you to get into bed with no intention of departing either.

Though he doesn't hold it against you, this is what he wants, for you to open up to him again...after all. These changes can't be bad changes, even if they are little, it's still progress...right?

—

You wet your fingers, dipping the moistened muscle against the clay mold. All around you is not as eerily quite as it is in your apartment, footsteps thrumming against hardwood floor, kiddish humming from the kitchen, the smell of sugar in the air, you've never worked outside of your home station and well...in class. You thought of yourself as a self sufficient individualist, you liked to believe that you didn't enjoy other people's company like you did your own, with the exception of your roommate. But that's only since you aren't close enough for her to disturb you.

Yet with Soomi moved out for good, the place felt...odd to stay by yourself.

So you found yourself spending more and more time at Felix's. It's nice to have a place to crash in every now and then, the sex is great and when you get hungry after, you don't have to think twice about scouring the fridge.

You don't know why you put off spending time aside from sleeping together at all, more time spent didn't necessarily add to your deal or subtract from it....because the action itself doesn't really mean anything. Everyone gets tired of being alone at some point. That's a universal fact.

Initially, you told yourself your presence was a consequence of Chan catching you two in the shower one night...so now that the cat's out of the bag, you two figured his place could become the only premise you didn't have to play pretend in. You both knew the elder would be more than willing to keep the younger's secret even if he didn't exactly approve of it.

With the increased frequency of your visits, bits and pieces of you remain dispersed all throughout the apartment, your body wash in his bathroom, your underwear in his laundry, the smell of you in his sheets, on his clothes. You had relaxed yourself through the periphery of his life and he had small glimpses of yours, habits and flaws, unknowingly...or knowingly....whatever. — Felix could only thank God that Chan had found out, in spite of the revelation itself putting you both in a compromising position.

With time, he starts to keep a few secrets from you too, here and there, knowing that if you knew you will stop doing it altogether. He can't have that...

You throw a leg around his hip when you're fast asleep, flinging an arm not a second later to cage him in your warm embrace. Felix likes the way your chest rises and falls against his back, how your breath tickles his skin and your mouth parts against his shoulder blade. Sometimes he stays awake and waits for you to do it, then when you do, he grins so hard his face hurts a little. Felix likes being the little spoon.

"Are you listening?"

His vision narrows down to the sight of you holding out your palms in the air, there's wet clay on them, as well on your cheek and legs, between them your pottery wheel is halted to desuetude, there's old newspapers layering the floorboard to prevent staining.

"Sorry...," he smiles sheepishly, "What did you say?"

It's your turn to shift your gaze to your feet. Felix thinks it's highly uncharacteristic, the way you seem almost...shy?

"Can you..." You eye the mug mounted on his study desk, he catches onto your request easily, "I'm thirsty—"

"Yeah yeah hold on... careful," Felix chirps, carefully guiding the rim to your lips to make sure it doesn't spill. He uses the tip of his thumb to wipe the corner of your mouth, you flinch first but then whilst the mild shock subsides, simply stare up at him as the pad of his thumb brushes against your skin. "There you go..." he trails, eyes bright with care.

You feel like a child being doted on, the mere emotion plunging you back to when you were 5 and had crushes on boys who shared skittles with you.

"Thanks."

Felix's ears perk up at the courtesy, you were never one to express yourself easily and when you did, every time, he felt inexplicably delighted.

The apples of your cheeks feel hot for some reason, by putting yourselves in in these small situations, you keep confusing him, you know, because you keep confusing yourself too.

You come out again that night but this time Bang Chan is shifting around in the kitchen. He hardly sleeps, you observe, but probably refusing to come out because he wanted to avoid bumping into you.

Chan doesn't seem to like you very much. Probably. You don't blame him. Before you came along, Felix and he spent more time together, now you had become a constant in his life without will.

You have to listen twice to realise he's speaking with you. Not an invisible being behind you.

"What?"

"I said..." His tone dropped dangerously low, he looks annoyed at something. "Listen I don't care what you're doing but don't hurt him." He's wearing a black t shirt and a pair of pajama shorts with cartoon wolves littered all across the baby blue fabric. He's trying to appear intimidating. It's not really working.

You stifle a laugh.

Frankly had you not known how deeply he cared for Felix, you'd not have cared about his advice. Or warning....?

"Fine," you respond, watching as the tension visibly left his body with one bating breath. "I hope this isn't about me stealing your yoghurt though."

"It's a little about stealing my yoghurt," he jokes, you think he's one of those people who'd apologise if you punched them in the face and spat in their drink. It's interesting...

Chan laughs a little. His eyes sparking with amusement for the first time of all the times he's looked at you. Did he trust your word that much?

—

"He talks about you a lot you know,"

You nearly spit out your drink. Seungmin isn't exactly the densest guy you know. Far from it exactly and he isn't discreet either. So your first instinct is to think he knows something.

You watch Felix from a distance, a solo cup in hand, he's laughing at something Hyunjin said, there's a crinkle along the bridge of his nose and his upper lip curls upwards to reveal his teeth. In reality, in everyone's eyes, your lives are separate. They walk on eggshells around you still...you assure yourself there's no way anyone could've guessed.

So you play dumb, glugging the whiskey into your cup. It spills around the edges, landing on the semi-lit neon counter.

"Who?"

Seungmin blinks at you. An unreadable expression on his face.

"Jisung." He says, "Who else?"

You feel yourself getting less excited, the breath you were unconsciously holding passing your entire form. Jisung is the newest addition to your life, a performing arts student who offered to portrait model for a project you'd been given in class. He's cute, forward, which you like a lot. And you notice whilst using him for inspiration, that he looks at you just as attentively as you had at him.

Only for different reasons.

Jisung asks for your number. You say yes. Half-heartedly. Though at the forefront of your mind you keep comparing everyone to the guy you go home to ever so often, you pick out their flaws and their perfections and you think to yourself he isn't like this, he is like this.

"Yeah?" You pose, sipping and wincing. "What did he say?"

"Just the usual stuff...." Seungmin tilts his head, he's not drinking tonight because he has an exam tomorrow. You think it's a little funny that he's carrying around water in a solo cup. "But I can tell he has the hots for you,"

You laugh this time. That's no surprise to you. "Well he's not so bad himself."

Seungmin narrows his eyes, shooting you a suspicious look.

"Of course you'd say that...." He taunts, "Heard you guys hung out...how was that by the way?"

"It was alright. Sort of just...happened. We bumped into each other and he offered to buy me dinner."

"And you...said yes?"

You give him a blank look, sarcasm dripping from your monotonous sentences, how else would you have spent time together?

"No, I didn't, Seungmin,"

The owner of the name rolls his eyes at your satirical comment, "No need to be mean, I'm just a little surprised is all."

"Surprised?"

You raise an eyebrow, Felix is still in your line of sight, it looks like he's stalling, waiting for your conversation to end so you could leave. He glances at you a few times and you quickly text him a 5 more minutes. "Why's that?"

"Cause every time you start to have feelings for someone, you take one step forward and ten steps back," he points out, "Think about it...you haven't been in like an....actual relationship after...well, you know," he postulates.

You glare at Seungmin, your pride somewhat injured.

"Hey! I've....dated."

"No....you slept around with people, that's not the same as dating." He retorts.

You snort.

Wouldn't you know.

Minho changes an upbeat pop song to something mellow. It's in a foreign language...maybe Spanish, you understand nothing but you don't have to to know it's a sad tune, the lyrics coming together in a melancholic harmony. Your eyes drift away, you feel your attention falter.

It was not unknown for you to have absolute control over your life, be it living your days by strict routine or building such a sturdy pretentious armour around yourself so that your organic self remained unscathed underneath. You had learnt the hard way that being yourself in front of other people would only bring you hurt...but if no one really knew you, no one could hurt you.

This game of hide and seek had become such a long standing practise in your life that it disconnected who you are from who you pretended to be. And every time the extent of your actual desires, monsters much beyond your control rose to the surface, they brought you shame, disgust.

You found those pretences withering away, the shell of protection around you falling apart whenever the thought of Felix crossed your mind. — his heavy noise of content against your neck, his fingers curling into your sheets, his open mouthed kiss against the arch of your hipbone, everything and anything...you had again, despite all your abrasions, become madly consumed by him.

And you must admit to yourself that you are becoming quite ridiculous because of it.

In this strange moment, you realise you almost need Felix to harp on about you even though you specifically asked him to keep all that you have a secret. You want his friends to come scurrying to you to start telling you that he cares so much he can't keep his mouth shut, to be so enamoured with you that his innermost feelings become painfully apparent, that it's utterly stupid of you to not see how he feels about you.

That's not how it goes though. Stuff like that only happens in movies.

Felix responds, texting, "Take all the time you need." Surprised, you steal a glimpse of him, but only when Seungmin isn't looking. You didn't know what you expected, something more crude, that would give away that he was jumping on the balls of his feet to only get into your pants, that would remind you that Felix is nothing but your fuck buddy. You find that you always look for reasons to resent him....because if you did, it meant that you didn't have to acknowledge how you're still in love with him.

You knew what you were in for. And hoping, wanting something more....is no more than wishful thinking.

Felix smiles at you, a genial smile, a simple curve along the corner of his lips which conveys patience, but also something deeper, like...understanding.

Again no matter how much you pushed him away he seemed to find his way back to you in some fashion, just to convey that your union is not all as black and white as you told yourself it was.

You down the entire drink in one swig. Seungmin makes a face at you, the kind he makes when you stick your fries in ice cream for shits and giggles,

"Well....we broke up a long time ago," You hiss at the awful taste stinging your throat, sounding slightly angry. You can't believe it matters still, but when you've been clutching onto something for too long, be it a painful emotion or a memory...you start to think it's the locus of your life, an integral part of you. It terrifies you to think who you'd become without it — vulnerable, malleable, sensitive.

You can't do that again.

The last few weeks, regardless of how good they were, didn't change a thing.

It couldn't. You wouldn't let it.

Seungmin is right, you think, you are taking ten steps back. Just not in the context he thought.

"There's no reason I shouldn't start now."

—

Turns out there is a reason.

Jisung asks you out the next day. He's so friendly that you feel overwhelmed. At all times of the day, he dresses like a frat boy out on his morning jog. A nike running shirt and loose fitted trousers, a baseball cap worn the other way around...it's a little silly.

You don't mind it, having the kind of apathy you would have towards someone you don't know very well.

Everything with him feels new, awkward. But also slightly exciting. He talks too much when he's nervous and you notice that he's almost always nervous because of your personality, as though he can't really put a finger on you and doesn't know what to do about it. Besides...he’s not a horrible kisser either, you muse, he just doesn’t know what you want.

Yet whenever you heard yourself thinking those compliments, you couldn't help but feel utterly guilty, a strangely deep seated feeling that you were doing something wrong.

Why did you feel this way....

Felix isn't your boyfriend anymore. You don't owe him any form of loyalty. You knew that. You're someone who sticks to their gut feelings and your gut had decided that something about seeing Jisung didn't feel right and not just because of Felix, but because you're not interested in a relationship just yet. And you're sure he could tell you aren't, he shouldn't quite expect a call back anytime soon.

"I had a nice time," you say, because it's true. He took you out for ice cream and bought you candy floss when you stared at it for too long.

When Jisung doesn't respond for a hot minute, you follow his trail of vision, which instead of focusing on you, has shifted to the semi-lit backdrop of your apartment. He's too obvious.

"Do...you want to come in?"

He flounders a little at your suggestion, embarrassed. "Would that be alright?....if I did...."

"That depends, are you gonna kill me?"

You say with a straight face. No matter much Jisung prodded at your exterior, you wouldn't budge, like you usually hadn't. Unravelling isn't really your thing so....he can't tell if you're kidding or not.

"No...?"

You snort, "Why do you sound so unsure?"

Jisung's face has grown impossibly red, he could feel his ears burning in indescribable shame. You just have this air about you that makes you incredibly hard to read and it's really attractive.

"I....I didn't..."

You keep your voice, steady, calm, "Relax," "I'm just screwing with you," you say, stepping aside for him to enter, "Make yourself at home."

—

You suppose you were born to study the arts.

You never could consider yourself a studious being. When you were in school, you remember falling behind in classes where the arduous process of revising was required, say mathematics or the sciences even.

Though that realisation hadn't come to you naturally.

Your parents wouldn't take kindly to you not taking up a "well paying" profession and you fell victim to the constant barrage of criticisms, of mockery which ultimately conditioned you to think some part of you, a large part just wasn't good enough.

And with Felix gone....

You were at your worst.

The two years you spent without him were the hardest, a set of years that obliged you to protect yourself from all the hurt around you, inside you. And while the security that you provided yourself is undoubtedly necessary for well...anyone, the process itself had its wicked way of rendering you unspeakably lonely.

You agreed to apply as an engineering major to gain your parents' approval and then transferred to the arts department by the time you'd successfully moved out. You haven't spoken to them ever since...and it hurt you more than you would deign to admit.

When your mum drops over for a surprise visit and chances upon your ex-boyfriend loitering about in your kitchen, fixing up midnight munchies, she takes a natural guess that you've gotten back together. (Which you think is far more agreeable than the truth. Knowing your mother, a staunch supporter of your relationship with him, she wouldn't take lightly to your arrangement.) And before you know it, you're all having dinner.

Felix makes an effort to dress up well, discarding his usual hoodies and joggers for a more formal look, you suspect it has something to do with the fact that you haven't attended any casual settings with him since you broke up.

Cutlery clinks against ceramic, coming down with a semi-loud thump as you try to swallow the enormous lump in your throat. Your mum makes a passing jab at you, saying how you had settled for a much "easier" major than say architecture or philosophy, she bitterly mentioned that everything worked out in the end. After all, your choice is a "much fitting" field of study for someone of your caliber, backhandedly insinuating that you're far too stupid to pursue anything else.

What inspires hilarity is how those insults still affected you. In front of Felix, you act like these few years have brought the fighter out in you and here you are trying to blink away the onslaught of tears prickling your vision. It feels like someone stripped you off your skin, off your flesh and picked out all your shortcomings for him to see.

You expect him to stay quiet, you expect him to think of you as the utterly shameful, selfish being you tell yourself you are,

But Felix's fingers find your shaky knuckles under the table where they rest on your knee, he implants the weight of them in a reassuring squeeze. "Well I think it's great," he says instead, smiling cheerfully at your mum. To which she, for the lack of support, sheepishly beams at him, "Not many people have the drive to do what they want to do. Or know what they want to do...take it from me, Missus [.....]" He laughs nonchalantly, the hairs on the back of your neck standing to attention upon hearing the lovely sound. You always liked his laugh, the sound rippling against your naked skin, thick baritone when he'd just woken up and a kiddish falsetto when he's extremely happy.

You wonder when you started paying so much attention.

Felix glances at you, lingering for a long minute."I bet it took a lot of guts."

You feel your chest constrict with a sudden surge of emotion from the mere look, you can't remember if the Felix you knew in the past, or anyone for that matter, had ever beamed at you with such pride.

You wonder what he'd think if he knew about Jisung, why you had neglected to tell him at all....you knew, because this little moment is precious to you and you had no reason to tarnish it. Not when you had time.

You tilt your head, using your free hand to hastily find the back of his neck, drawing closer to him with little strength. The more he realised what you're doing, the more excited he got. See he found your newly introduced public display of affection immensely attractive, though obviously embarassed by the sudden motion...

You can do crazy things sometimes. Really crazy things. In public and he has never opposed to such exhilarating things, be it in restrooms or even in a similar setting when you were dating, there was a certain thrill to it which drove him to the brink of insanity. Felix would silently implode your attention when you were alone and when you were out in the open, in whichever way he was to receive it, the way which insinuated you were his was the best of them all. All that was fine though...because it was just the two of you.

But now...in this indecent time, he wishes he could hear what you're thinking.

Had... had you gone completely mad?! Your mum is looking!

Your face is stoic, Felix's mouth parts, then you reach over and kiss him shamelessly.

Over the years, all the things that have caused you pain were things you had endured on your own, in his absence. This realisation alone invites a heavy conviction inside you.

Because you know it just as well as he does, no matter how sincere he is to you — you don't need Felix. Not really.

But you want him.

—

You do a stupid thing. A stupid endearing thing and Felix's heart beats like it would jump out of his mouth if he opened it.

It was meant to be a secret, what you two have, a matter of uncomplicated lust which didn't require the attention of anyone because it initially or so you put it, wasn't important enough.

Then you charge to him, he supposes it has a little to do with the person who was blatantly flirting him in the middle of Changbin's Halloween party, he doesn't care though.

You don't like embarrassing yourself, so he doesn't actually expect you to wear a black cat hairband matching his white ears and feline tail. Felix wants to think it means something, how despite the coos and the caas, the giant wave of surprise washing over your friends, you interlace your fingers within his and kiss his cheek.

He doesn't what that makes the two of you now... but he would give you all the time in the world to figure that out if it meant you could be his again.

—

You trace your fingers against outline of his face. Splatters of moist moonlight kissing the high rise of his cheeks, dusting along the long fringe of lashes which cast shadows along his skin, his freckles are like dots of bronze dispersed on his skin. He's beautiful like this.

"You're thinking too much," he says with his eyes closed, smiling a little. "Don't think so much."

You laugh. "Or what, huh?"

Felix cracks an eye open, his grin big, kiddish. "I was hoping you'd say that," he rubs the tip of his nose against your collarbone, he snuggles closer to your chest. What you hadn't expected was how he shifted his entire weight onto you, lying entirely atop you as though he were a starfish.

You couldn't stop laughing at the motion, it's so cheesy and gross...you love it.

—

Here's something you don't know — Jisung tells his friends everything, about making out with you and taking you out...everything. News travels fast. Faster than you anticipated. Despite wanting to divulge the matter, you were too taken by the recent shifts in your feelings to confess to your little interaction. You had told yourself again and again — a little later, just a little later and I’ll tell him.

It could be too late now.

The entire campus knew of your little rendezvous, shooting you curious looks... it's not until Minho comes up to verify the floating rumours do you all but sprint to Felix's place. You think of Chan's trusting eyes, of don't hurt him, of laughing in the intimacy of your bedroom and swiping your fingers down his spine like you were trying to commit the undulating design to memory.

You're not sure where it all began.

but you don't want it to end.

Felix doesn't answer your calls or your messages. When he buzzes you up, just from his gait, just from the resigned look in his eyes, you know he knows.

You watch as he listlessly leaves you to enter, walking before you without saying as much as a word.

You grab Felix’s elbow, making him stop in his tracks. He looks at your fingers wrapping around the muscle, shrugging you off easily. It’s just a small gesture but its impact is so large...that you feel your heart break into a million pieces.

You had never seen Felix being so quiet, even when he was down, he found a manner to radiate a form of optimistic energy which baffled you. You can’t believe how much you could have possibly hurt him.

“I can explain.” you gulp, “We went out on one date. It wasn’t because I liked him, I know it’s stupid and...I should’ve told you. I’m sorry, that's not an excuse, but you have to trust me when I say it didn’t...it doesn’t mean anything to me—”

“Did you sleep with him?”

With his back turned away, he still isn’t looking at you, speaking to you with a surprisingly stable tone.

“No.”

Felix takes a shuddering breath, one which expresses the small relief of knowing that Jisung hadn’t seen, touched you, felt you in the way that he only had, but there’s still so much more he wants to know.

“Did he make you laugh?”

It’s a silly question, he realises belatedly but he can’t help it. Some part of him, a large part, thinks he’d be more hurt if you made someone happy and they made you happy than if you fucked them.

You shake your head even though he can’t see you. “He didn’t.”

Your fingers again reach for his, wrapping your index into his thumb. You slowly move your hands to his middle, clutching him close to your chest, chin hooking into his shoulder, suddenly...you feel him melt into the embrace. Felix’s voice falters for the first time, small trembles against you. You’re willing to answer all his queries if it could put his mind at ease. You put your heart on hold for too long.

"Do you hate me...?" He sniffles.

You blink....did you?

Felix had changed, like you, he had matured, the past version of him you had so stubbornly ingrained in your endless inner monologue is not the one you grew all too familiar with...

Familiarity does breed contempt, does it not? Well you think the line between love and contempt is untraceable, melded together as a mysterious whole. After all those years, you were still angry, still filled to the brim with contempt for him and more importantly, yourself because you still love him much more than you'd like to admit. After all you've been through. After all this time. The need to love him ultimately encompassed every other emotion which posed itself as a hindrance.

So the opposite of love, the absence of love, you think, isn't hate, it's indifference. An emotion you never felt towards him.

Felix has wedged himself into every aspect of your life, tainted every portion of your routine in his presence and in his absence.

You don't think you'd have it another way.

"You broke my heart," you explain, "I was angry....but I could never hate you for the sake of hating you."

"I can't..." Felix whispers, twisting his body so he could look at you now, “I can’t promise you that it won’t be hard but I'm not—I’m not going anywhere...you know that right?”

You lean your forehead against his, his eyes shifting to your mouth, hands rising to wrap around your neck. You smile.

“I know.” you say, "Me neither."

“I love you...” He says in a small voice, putting his hand against your knuckles. “Do you love me?”

Your eyes soften, cupping his face like this — carefully collecting a lone tear with your thumb before it could touch his cheek. This time there is not a shred of hesitancy, no pause, no pondering before you say,

“I never stopped.”

—

You enter in a blind rush of panic, thinking you might miss your ride, feet knocking together, elbows hitting elbows, bustling all around you and the sudden overwhelming stench of people hit you, it’s not an ideal setting, not at all actually.

But you couldn’t bother to be displeased a second you spent with him. A teenager rolls her eyes at how disgustingly in love you are, elderly couples tutting under their breath...albeit, you don’t fail to notice their subtle smiles, small shake of their heads which attested to the fact that the joy you both radiate is.. absolutely infectious. You stumble with him behind, Felix is laughing breathlessly, bumping into your chest as the train suddenly starts moving, you place a finger on his cheek and he raises his chin to look at you.

“Did you eat?” he repeats, mocking himself, a dialogue from a time which seems an element of the distant past replaced by a love which compensated for every hitch in your relationship. You still argue, still disagree and still make up the same. Felix was right, it isn’t easy.

But when two people love each other as much as you do,

it’s worth trying. With every fibre of your being.

“No.” You laugh, playing along, “But I could, with you.”

794 notes · View notes

healpeony · 3 years

Text

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐒 | 𝐄𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐭. 𝐀𝐫𝐦𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐈. 𝐈 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐈𝐓 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐄

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲; After having that little talk with Armin in the party, Y/n just have to remind Eren who he belongs to.

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 + 𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠; mature, 18+, series, fanfiction.

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬; Profane, reader gets called mistress, slapping, degradation, vaginal penetrative sex, hand job, edging, pet names, alcohol, sub Eren, dom reader.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 3.5k

Notes; this took longer to write than I expected, I wanted to try and use new words and not the same ones each time so it was a little difficult xd. I hope you guys enjoy reading it. sorry for any mistakes.

THE RESTING BITCH FACE THAT YOU HAD wasn't caused by the loud music that was going on in the party busting loud through the speakers, it was the fact that Armin was speaking to Eren making those lovely (and lust) filled eyes that the brunette failed to notice. You hated how the blonde looked at Eren, couldn't Armin understand that Eren was yours?

"Y/n, are you listening?"

The sudden sound of your name coming out of Eren's mouth took your attention away from Armin — who you realize was making eye contact with you returning the same look you were giving him — Eren of course not noticing. Turning towards the teal eyed boy, you stared at him with an apologetic look for not having heard him.

"Sorry, what was that, love? I didn't quite catch it"

"Armin was asking if you would like a refill of wine?" Eren asked putting an arm around your smaller frame

"Sure, Armin!"

You smiled, a little too sweet. Armin returned the same smile before looking at Eren "What would you like?" his voice as soft as a feather

imbecile.

"I want a glass of whis-"

"I think that is enough Eren, you have drunk way too much already"

Eren was about to protest, but when you gave him a stern look it made him shut up immediately. Armin didn't fail to notice this, softly humming at the realization — Eren was submissive towards you despite his stubborn and dom energy infront of others.

"I'll get the drinks for us then" Armin said before leaving the you both alone

"Y/n...." Eren whined "Why can't I drink?!"

"Because I said so, don't get started with that bratty attitude"

"But I just had two glasses of whiskey! That is not even a lot.." he continued "You can't always tell me what to d—"

You didn't bother to look around to make sure nobody was watching — before you grabbed both side of Eren's cheeks squeezing them with one hand. You were already angry enough and here Eren was making that emotion grow with that attitude of his.

"If you don't stop right this instant, you're going to be punished right here" you told him through gritted teeth

Eren immediately shut up, only opening his mouth to let out a submissive "Sorry mistress" hanging his head low when you let go of his face

"Good boy" you murmured, taking his face in both of your hands more gently than before and kissing him sweetly on the lips

"I'm going to check if Armin needs any help"

You were absolutely not going to let that happen. The thought of Eren alone with that man made you feel something so pathetic and childish, Jealousy why would you feel that, when the blonde can't never take Eren away from you.

Eren did not feel the same for Armin. That was what you kept telling yourself.

"I'll check, you stay here"

You stood up walking towards the kitchen passing by a lot of the drunk young adults. The smell was disgusting, you obviously expected that since the party have been going on since the afternoon and it was already night outside. Sasha sure loved planning long lasting parties, it has happened two times this month.

As you neared the kitchen you caught a glimpse of the unmistakable blonde man, he was pushing people out of his way with just a glare to get to the cabinet where the wines were located, the sleeves of his button up shirt were pushed up to his elbows.

Armin Arlert was an attractive man, anyone was lying if they said he wasn't, including you. Most of the time half of his blonde hair was pulled up in a ponytail, some strands falling on his face making his beautiful — yet intimidating to some — ocean eyes stand out, his signature colors being black and dark blue, those colors did made him more handsome then he already was, always making even the smallest of his features stand out.

"Are you going to stand there and glare at me forever or what?"

You rolled your eyes at the man, walking around to the other side of the kitchen counter where he was pouring some whiskey for himself while your already filled glass of wine seated in the counter. You took it bringing the blood red drink towards your lips while looking right into Armin's eyes.

You loved drinking wine, you had always liked the bittersweet taste it had and no matter how much glasses of wine you drank, it never made you that drunk. You were used to it by now.

"So what are you doing here?" he rested his hip against the counter, one arm crossed around his chest with his whiskey in the other hand

"To help, well Eren wanted to come. We both know you didn't need help bringing Whiskey and wine"

You knew exactly what Eren really wanted, you know your brunette lover like the back of your hand. For you he was an open book, It was stupid on his part to assume you didn't know why he wanted to go into the kitchen.

When the boy wanted something he was way too stubborn to let anyone tell him no, including you. He wanted to come and drink the whiskey in the kitchen while you waited for them to return in the living room couch.

Armin studied you while you were lost in the sea of thoughts, you were so easy to read even when you thought otherwise, he knew how much you disliked him and how you wanted him far away from Eren — that obviously wasn't going to happen, he knew Eren first, if anybody had to leave it was you — sometimes he would notice how you would get scare of his intimidating aura, and then cover it up with a comment.

That couldn't make him more satisfied, knowing how he can easily get a reaction from you.

"Yeah, pretty smart guy huh?" Armin said sarcastically, a chuckle coming out of his throat before drinking from his whiskey and continuing with a taunting look while gazing at you "tonight he looks really handsome, don't you think?"

He had done this many times before, he would wait until you both were alone and would tell you what he thought of Eren's looks. It was irritating and made your jealousy grow, but you always kept yourself as calm as you could just like in this situation.

"Yeah, he really is. I'm pretty sure a lot of people are jealous that I have him. Don't you think?" you smirked at him, mocking his tone

"Yeah, I'm sure. But Eren isn't an object, you don't own him and you don't have him. He's a human being" this time his voice had gone back that innocent one that made your blood boil and the intimidation seem to have disappear from his eyes

"Please tell me you two aren't fighting again"

You felt stupid. of course that was the reason of his sudden change of demeanor, Eren was there. Armin did this frequently, be talking to you in his “true self” then put up the timid and good boy facade whenever the brunette walked into the room.

"I thought I told you to stay in the living room"

Your voice was low and Eren could clearly hear the anger behind it, you didn't do this often, you would always keep your cool and never let him know about your negative feelings. It was like you wanted him to hear the anger in the tone you used, and that did nothing but scared him.

"Yeah, but you took too long..."

Eren was beginning to regret coming to the kitchen, the glare he was receiving making his knees weak, he wanted to drop down on the floor and humilate himself by apologizing to you over and over like you were his god, but his pride was too big. You mentally smirked in satisfaction when you noticed this, but your eyes remained in a glare, you loved the effect you had on him.

"I think it's getting late, we should go back home right, baby?" you had walked closer to you poor baby, playing with his key necklace

"Y—yeah, I think we should" he anxiously said, Eren knew he couldn't say no to you anyways

"Armin, it was a pleasure to talk to you" you said turning to the blonde and hugging him, whispering in his ear "Don't worry about Eren, he's going to have an incredible time for the rest of the night" you pulled away giving him a smile

You grabbed Eren's arm not giving him a chance to properly say goodbye to Armin, walking him out the kitchen and living room, making sure to avoid any of your friends on the way.

Armin stood in the kitchen holding the glass of whiskey tightly, his lips pressed hard together. Words couldn't describe how much he disliked you, from the moment he met you — since Eren had already told him, he had a crush on you before you two met — to this moment now. But there was something about you that was intoxicating, he found himself doing things that annoyed you on purpose, innocently flirting with the oblivious Eren for example.

The blonde couldn't deny the fact that he felt an attraction towards you, he wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of you, to see you falling apart on his arms — moaning, screaming, crying his name while he fucked submissiveness into you —he wanted to see you begging for him. But he also wanted Eren, the boy looking at him with his teal eyes full of tears, needing his cock, just imagining the boy following his every command made him go hard.

But again, Armin could only imagine what you were going to do with Eren tonight.

Meanwhile you and Eren were already in his car, you in the passenger seat while the latter was in the drivers seat. The ride as been filled with a silence in it, so far only the soft music coming from the radio — which Eren was too nervous to change — made the car ride comfortable, but the tension was still there.

That was until you started humming, which you only did when you needed to calm yourself down.

The two hands Eren had in the steering wheel tightened their grip on it.

"Do you know why I'm mad Eren?"

Your voice was firm, no emotion detected in it. That trait of yours never failed to make him feel small, but he loved the sound of you voice, he found it soo graceful, he felt so lucky to have you as his girlfriend. The fact that he knew what was about to come after they have this conversation, where he explains what he did wrong — made his cock stand up for attention in his pants, he was so ready for you.

"Armin."

"What about Armin?"

He had no idea on how to answer that correctly, you would always complain about the blonde accusing him of acting differently when Eren wasn't there even to the point of saying Armin wanted to fuck him. Of course he didn't believe that, Eren was aware that Armin was an adult, but the blonde would never think of doing that with him — his best friend — he was sure that it was only your overpossesiveness and jealousy.

"He made you mad" the brunette said truly hoping you would like his answer

"How did he made me mad?" you kept pushing, leaning back on your seat vicious eyes looking right at him ready to jump at him at any second while his knuckles became white

"He made you feel jealous, mistress" he elaborated, although he didn't quite understand how him speaking to Armin made you jealous

"Yes he did, what else did you do?"

"I disobeyed a direct order"

"That's right. Now tell me Eren, what happens when you break my rules or make your mistress mad?"

"I get punished."

"You have been such a bad boy, Eren."

"I thought I told you that when I came back from the bathroom that I wanted to see you naked"

You had your hands on your now unclothed hips, a lingerie being the only thing you had on. Eren was laying back on the bed with his underwear still on before he heard your voice and rapidly sitting up.

"I'm so sorry, mistress!"

You tisked shaking your head "What's wrong with you today? You're being soo disobedient..."

Eren stood up from the bed, walking towards you and dropping to his knees, tears in his eyes, he didn't want you to not let him cum tonight.

"I promise to be good for you, I'll do better!"

You bend over grabbing his chin softly stroking it with a sadistic smile, "I'll be soo happy the day I see you being a good boy"

Your teeth made contact with his bottom lip pulling it, Eren moaning at the feeling and smiling up at you when you let go.

"You're so pretty. I love having such a pretty looking thing all to myself.."

"All yours, Eren"

That was the end of the little moment, because of the slap sound coming from your hand making contact with the brunette's cheek.

Eren felt tears already forming in his eyes, but he wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of crying too fast. Hiding his teary eyes from you was useless though, since you took a hold of his hair squatting down behind him.

"Don't think the that would've gotten you a way out of your punishment. You're pathetic" you whispered in his ear, your hot breath fanned over his skin making shivers go down his spine "Take those off for me, kitten" you told him motioning to his underwear while getting back up

Eren stood up taking off his underwear as fast a he could, his cock slapping his pelvis, excitement shooting through his veins for what was about to come.

You looked at him up and down making his cheeks go red, even though you have already seem him like this many times.

"Aww, is my baby blushing?" you pouted taking a hold of his cock making him let out a surprised gasp

"Y—Y/n" he moaned when you started moving your hand up and down, from his tip to his balls

"What was that? What did you called me?" you asked, the pace of your hand being painfully slow, glaring daggers at him while pushing him towards the bed making him sit down

"Mistress, I'm sorry..."

He wished your pace would be faster, you of course continued to torment him keeping the same pace for a while.

"Why are you being like this, Eren?"

"I don't — ahh — understand, mistress."

"Breaking rules, letting Armin flirt with you, everything that you have done today..."

With each said word the pace increased, your hand moving faster making Eren let out loud groans that echoed on the walls of your bedroom.

"Quiet! I have heard your stupid voice more than enough today."

Eren nodded, if you wanted him to shut up you obviously didn't want him to answer verbally.

You were the love of his life, the one person who knew how submissive he actually was. Someone who could give him the relief he needed, but also the one who could add more pressure to him. Someone who showered him with kissed, but also punished him for his bad actions.

You were his balance. The reason behind his now stable life. No matter what happened or how much you two argue, you were always there for each other.

Just like he was there for you to take out your frustrations, by obeying you and comforting you.

Your hand were still on his cock, and your lips were now rather occupied. Biting, sucking and kissing the soft skin of his neck, making sure to leave the marks on places that were noticeable.

Eren was a whimpering mess, gripping your left arm trying to pull you closer, but you ended up freeing your arm and pulling his hair to make him stop from doing it again.

Even though he was a sub, he never submitted completely, always tried to have some control over you thinking that he can just do whatever he wants whenever you're punishing him. He knew it was a lost battle, you never let him feel any power over you. You had the control of his entire body — you decide when he cums, you decide what he calls you, you decide when he should or shouldn't masturbate, you decided what he was going to be looking at, you decided what he should wear.

You were his mistress and he was there to obey you.

"I'm close.." he moaned, his head thrown back

You immediately pulled away, standing up with your tongue licking your fingers taking the remaining of pre cum into your mouth. Eren led out a whine, looking up at you, now he had let the tears fall down freely.

You chuckled shaking your head.

"You seriously didn't think it was going to be that easy, kitten"

"please" he begged "I'll do anything... I will be good, I promise!"

"sure, sure. I don't believe that words speak better than actions crap, Eren. You have to show me that you are going to do better"

You smirked before saying "In the mean time, you should face the consequences of your own actions, don't you think?"

Eren let out a sob as you edged him for the fourth time of the night, his hands and legs were shaking. Tears were running down his faces, some were dry, and some were being kissed away by your lips.

You were now sitting on his cock your hips moving at a agonizingly slow pace, one of your hands was on his cheek caressing the soft skin under his eye with your thumb.

"It's ok now, baby. You can cum” you smiled down at him while the pace of your hips kept getting quicker

“Thank you, mistress... thank you...” he breathlessly keep murmuring the two words while his cum painted the walls deep inside of you

You threw your head back moaning getting off at the feeling of his cum in you. slowly you came down from your high letting out little pants, while Eren did the same trying to catch his breath.

“Are you ok?” you asked pulling yourself off of him, missing the fullness of his cock in you as you did

“Yeah, thank you.” he lazily smiled, his voice husky and eyes fighting to stay open

“Eren, you won't sleep with all that sweat and cum on you. I'mma run you a bath, don't fall asleep” you commanded before standing up from the bed feeling his cum tripping from inside of you and onto your thighs

You look back towards the bed and chuckled when you saw that Eren had closed his eyes most likely already sleeping.

You of course weren't going to allow him to sleep like that still.

Armin looked at the blonde girl under him, the movement of his hips making her boobs jiggle. He didn't even remember her name, he had seen her talking to you a couple of times, she was soo feisty and not easy to get, refusing to even flirt back with him — his manipulative persona did wonders on people, and that's what changed her mind — in some way it reminded him of you, that might be the reason why you two have spoken before.

Maybe that's one of the reasons why he choose her to get his dick wet.

Her pussy was tight barely letting him move and he could only guess that she didn't do this often. He was unsatisfied.

However everytime he looked down at her it wasn't her face he was seeing, it was yours, the moans of his name that she led out were replaced with your own moans — the ones he created in his head when trying to imagine how you sound like — when she scratched his back all he could imagine was your pretty hands and nails doing that to him. And that made him feel good enough.

This has happened before, but what he said next has never occurred and it shocked him as much as it shocked the girl.

“y/n...”

he had moaned your name.

©healpeony 2021

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠; @mallang @namrekcaivel if you want to be added or removed let me know!

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #aot x reader #aot oneshots #armin arlert #aot #eren yeager #eren smut #eren jaeger smut #eren x reader smut #eren jaeger x reader smut #eren jaegar x reader #armin smut #armin arlert smut #armin arlert x reader #eremin smut #eremin

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pixie88 · 2 years

Text

Safe House

Damien Jones - Lovelink.

A/N | So it’s been a while since I done a Lovelink fanfic, but Damien’s return inspired me! This isn’t linked to my other Damien Jones fanfic.

Comments & reblogs welcome! Let me know what you loved and hated about this chapter!

I understand if you don’t want to be tagged so just pop me a message to be removed, but also let me know if you would like to be tagged!

Summary | Damien tries to make it up to Priya after ghosting her.

Find my other Lovelink FF HERE!

Word count | 2k

Warnings | 18 + Only! Angst, Fluff & NSFW.

Pairings | Damien x MC - Priya.

Disclaimer | Characters are property of Lovelink.

Enjoy!

It had been four weeks since Priya had heard from Damien, she had messaged him numerous times, but got no reply. She got that he was mad at her for not taking up the safe house he had offered her, but he should have also understood she didn't want to hide or have her independence taken away from her either. Bennie was still empty on his threat, she knows it was all about the thrill of the chase for him. Tony had kept her in the loop, so even if Damien wasn't talking to her, she still knew how it was going. Tony's case to appeal was getting stronger each day, but he was still searching for the final nail to close Bennie's coffin with.

Priya heard her phone ping.

Damien Jones sent you message on Lovelink.

She ignored it wanting to give him a taste of his own medicine.

Three days went by her phone pinged every few hours with the same notification each time.

A couple of days later...

Priya's intercom started buzzing, "Hello?" she called down pushing the button. "Hi, I have a delivery for Miss. Priya Scott."

"A delivery? I haven't ordered anything!" she called down the intercom "It's from someone -- a Mr D Jones?"

Damien? She hung up and headed down the stairs to the front door. Opening it she was greeted by a big bouquet of flowers "Could you just sign here?" the delivery guy handed her his clipboard.

Once inside her apartment she pulled out the envelope inside the front is addressed to her, inside she pulls out a card and opens it.

To my beautiful Priya,

Into my world of darkness and silence you brought light and music.

When you lit the candle I began to see and understand the taste and texture of love for the first time!

This is me making it up to you, I love you with every part of me. I can wait to see you, Tony will be picking you up at 2PM today. See you very soon! All my love, Damien xxx

She looked up from his not to the ticking clock on her wall she had forty seven minutes to get ready. She raced to her bedroom to her wardrobe to find something to wear - It needs to say trainee lawyer! She pulls out a floral shirt and tight pencil skirt that shows off her curves. She hadn't seen Damien for over six months, suddenly she was feeling nervous, her mind was going into overdrive. What if he doesn't fancy me anymore? Video calling is one thing, but in person?!

She shook the thoughts from her mind as she applied her make up.

Later...

"Here's your ID! You know I can get into a lot of trouble for this, so I will remind you to remember you role. If you aren't consist they will smell a rat and Damien and I will be in very hot water and Bennie will be the last of your problems!" Tony says as they pull into the jail car park. He hands her ID "Lucy Brooker, Hi, I'm Lucy Brooker trainee lawyer for Tony...????"

"Tony Edwards! Come on lets go!" he opens his door and steps out of the car, Priya follows him repeating her name silently to herself. Lucy Brooker, Lucy Brooker, I am Lucy Brooker!

They made it through security without any hiccups, "Wait here and we will get your client!" they guard says leaving them in a room. This was it! She was finally seeing him in person after months of waiting. She couldn't stop smiling as they took their seats.

A few minutes later they hear the door behind them open and the rattling of chains follows before she catches sight of the bright orange jumpsuit. Looking up, she couldn't help blushing when she saw his gaze was solely on her, Tony stood as the guard uncuffed Damien. Following Tony, Priya stood too "Damien this is Lucy Brooker and Lucy, this is Damien Jones my client. Damien, she will be sitting in on our meeting today, I hope you don't mind?"

She knew this was all for the guards benefit "Nope, I don't mind at all. Nice to meet you Miss. Brooker!" he holds out his hand as the guard pats down Damien one last time before leaving the room. Damien takes the seat opposite and Tony pulls out his case file, but Damien eyes don't leave hers.

The smile on his face never falls telling her all her doubts were wrong, his gaze made her cheeks burn, she couldn't stop smiling. She hadn't even noticed Tony talking, neither had Damien until he snapped them both back into the room. "Damien, I know I brought Priya here to see you, but we need to go over your case!" Tony hissed.

"Yeah, of course! Sorry!" Damien teared his eyes away from hers and the pair both started paying attention to what Tony had to say.

But not for long, bored Priya started rubbing the back of Damien's leg with her foot under the table tearing his attention back to her. Each time Tony asked him a question he would ask him to repeat it or nod as if he knew what he was talking about. But Tony could only be fooled for long, "You know what I'm going to give you both some time alone, so you can get whatever you need out of your system and we can talk about your case with your full attention!!" Tony got up from his seat.

"Tony, the guard?" Damien called out stopping Tony in his tracks "I'll sort him!" he continues on his way. Through the small window they watched Tony say something to the guard who nods and walks away, pushing the door open slightly Tony pops his head through the gap "The guard has gone to lunch and I'm letting Lucy take the case over for practice...you have an hour! I suggest you get what you need done, so we can focus!"

He closes the door again as Priya turns back to Damien his lips quickly find hers, she moans as he takes her lip between his teeth. He pulls her up and pushes the table out of the way, his kiss becomes more fierce and needy. Her hands grasp the nape of his neck, he moves them both until they collide with the wall behind them.

She's trapped behind him and the wall behind her "God, I've missed being able kiss you!" he whispers against her lips, "I'm kinda hoping with an hour to burn we'll do more than kiss!" she smirks. He answers her question by unbuttoning her shirt, revealing the bra she had originally brought for the day he was being released. He groans looking down at the lacy fabric, his finger slips inside her bra tracing a line against her soft skin making her suck in a breath.

"Did you wear this for me?" he looks up at her, she bit her lip "What do you think?" she winks at him before he claims her lips again, her shirt forms a puddle on the floor. His hand finds the zip of her skirt and pulls the zip down, letting the skirt fall to the floor. Stepping back, his eyes roam her body like a predator ready to pounce, she pulls him back to her and gets to work on getting him out of his orange jumpsuit.

Which is proven difficult as his hand slips into her panties and brushes against her. As her head falls back against the wall, she spots the camera "Shit! Damien there's a camera!" she points to the corner of the room, he chuckles "Its a dumbie!" he says as he peppers kisses along her pulse line. He finally parts her folds, making her moan aloud "Fuck, Damien!" her hips buck into his touch.

He smiles against her neck "Jeez, you're already so wet!" he pushes his jumpsuit off his shoulders and lets them fall before stepping out of them. She pushes him away, his brows pinch together "You got to admire me! Now it's my turn!" her eyes run over his solid body. "Done?" he smirks at her, she nods before he captures her lips once more.

She pushes down his boxers until he's sprung free, a growl catches in his throat as she grasps round him, his forehead presses against his "You have no idea how many times I've dreamed about this!" she grins, "Oh, I do!" she says as she works against every ridge of his cock.

A dam broke inside him, he pulled her hand away, lifted her up wrapping her legs around him. With his next breath, he thrusts into her, a growl catches in his throat. He thrusts into her filling her, his pace starts off slow letting her adjust to him. He pulls away a little his eyes stare into hers with each thrust.

He groans, nipping her neck, her nails dig into his back as his pace speeds up "Harder!" their moans fill the room, he hits the right spot which makes her clench around him. "We need to be quiet!" He pumps into her fast and heavy taking her to new heights, his nails dig into her skin at the back of her thighs.

Her lips move to his neck, she nips and sucks against his collarbone making him hiss as he thrust into her over and over again.

"Fuck..Priya!" he groans, she pulls his lips back to hers "Ohh....keep doing that, Damien!" He's reaching right where she needs him most. She grips his shoulders and moves to meet his pace, her walls clenches round him, "Come on baby! I can feel you want to come for me!" he whispers against her lips. She hits her high "Yes! Damien! Yes!" she cries out. "God Baby!!" he falls after her.

The pair pant trying to catch their breath, he slowly puts her down. Her legs are weak still coming down from her state of euphoria, "I love you so much, Priya!" he smiles at her "I love you too! Do you think we have enough time to try out the table?!" she winks.

Without answering her, he picks her up and places her back against the wooden frame "We better be quick!" he smirks down at her.

The desk begins to rattle as he takes her again.

Twenty five minutes later...

Priya is combing through her hair as Tony enters the room again "All finished?" he asked the pair, both of them blush nodding at him "Great! Now we can start talking about your case!"

Tony drones on for over an hour, Priya zones out recalling what happened in this very room and on the desk over an hour ago, unbeknownst to Tony his briefcase lays where she was as Damien pounded into her. Her breast were pressed against the very spot in front of her after he flipped her onto her front, she smirks.

Damien's chances were slim, but not impossible.

After that day Tony would bring her to see Damien once a week, but the deal was they spoke about the case first and then they would get their time alone. He was happy the couple agreed, or so he thought, but what he didn't see was the real reason why Priya decided to see next to Damien, it wasn't so she could get a look at the documents he was showing Damien, it was so the pair could play under the table.

Priya lost count of how many times she had to bite her lip to stop herself from moaning aloud as Damien worked against her clit or how many times Damien had to yawn to disguise a groan as she ran her hand against his length.

With each visit they got closer to the appeal with only a week left Damien had convinced her to go and stay with his friend, worried Bennie would harm her the closer the date got.

Finally, the appeal date was finally here, today was the day their future would be decided.....

@khoicesbyk @tea-me-kah @fortheloveoflovelink

#lovelink #lovelink fanfic #lovelink smut #ludia lovelink #damien jones #damien smut #damien x mc #ludia #jail bird

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galacticxcosmos · 3 years

Text

𝐖𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐞 ❣︎ ᵏᵗʰ

Pairing :- Taehyung X Reader

Genre :- Bestfriends to Lovers AU, Erotic, Angst, Romance and Fluff.

Rating :- 18+ ( M )

Word Count :- 4.4k

Summary :- "Not everyone in this world deserves to be loved. I am one of those little number of unfortunate people" that's what you thought after your terrible breakup which led you to your bestfriend's appartment at midnight to seek comfort until things went way beyond just 'comfort'.

Warnings :- It's CEO Taehyung (but no office romance shit), Broke college student, Dom Taehyung, Sub reader, Some angst that idk how I managed to write, Sexual Tension, Buried feelings, Past feelings, Teasing, Morning Sex, Daddy Kink, Pinning, Oral (M receiving), Unprotected Sex, After care (omg) with fluff (omg).

A/N :- I know that I haven't been very active on Tumblr, but trust me I am trying my best, also I am still working on the next chapter for "Chemicals Collide", so please be a little more patient. Also I got inspiration for this Oneshot from Jungkook's cover, I think you guessed it already, but then I saw I had already written a JK Oneshot, so I gave this to Tae baby. Enjoy~

Not everyone in this world deserves to be loved. I am one of those little number of unfortunate people.

I could feel the numb pain in my stomach, feeling like I am going to throw up, going back and forth between feeling nothing and being unable to stop the tears. All I could think about was if this is really the end. I picked up my pace, now breaking into a fast jog towards Taehyung's house. Tears we're rapidly streaming down my face, uncontrollable at this point. I sprinted through the apartment complex, my legs moving as quickly as they could to get to him. I wiped my face with my sleeve as I got to his floor, a failed attempt to make myself look slightly okay.

I knew Taehyung would see right past these attempts though, he'll quickly understand that I've been sobbing with one glance in my direction. He knew me too well. After knocking on the door, there was a faint thud before someone cautiously opened the door. Taehyung stood there, slightly disheveled with the smell of alcohol dripping off of him. Right, Saturday means Taehyung gets shit faced every night. Although intoxicated, he quickly realised I wasn't okay. "What happened? Did someone hurt you? Do I need to go and fight someone?" He slurred slightly, stepping outside. I chuckled, placing a hand on his chest and pushing him back into the apartment before he got the both of us locked out.

"How many have you drank?" I asked, going to the kitchen and grabbing a water bottle to give him. My legs were threatening to give out, but he should property drink something besides alcohol before he puts himself in a coma. I walked over to where he sat on the couch, handing him the water bottle before going to pick up bottles. Sure, drinking was absolutely terrible and Taehyung may have developed a problem. I just never comment on it because we all have our own ways of dealing with things, not all of them being good. After cleaning up his expensive ass apartment, I went to sit down with him. He was quietly watching TV, taking interest in some show that showed people getting hurt. He was slowly sipping his water, showing barely any interest in the almost full bottle he held in his hand.

"Tae, I asked, how many have you drank?" I asked again. "I counted like 10 while cleaning up." Taehyung didn't say anything, just shrugging as he propped his feet up on the ottoman. I sighed, following his actions and getting comfortable. It must be nice to have an apartment to yourself and not be stuck in a crammed dorm room with another person. Must be nice to not go to school and struggle everyday. Nice to not have your heart broken on the day of your anniversary. Without noticing, a small sob fell from my lips, catching Taehyung's attention instantly. Worry was written across his face as he peered over to me, one eyebrow raised.

"What happened?" He mumbled, moving to wrap one arm around me. He held me close to him, a mix of his cologne and alcohol filling my nose. "He broke up with me." I mumbled, another sob falling from my lips. I wrapped my arms around Taehyung's toned torso, hugging him like there was no tomorrow. "Isn't it your anniversary? Didn't you text me earlier today about everything?" He asked gently, trying not to make it seem like a big deal. Another sob fell, making him realise that maybe it wasn't a good idea to pull on that string. He sighed, moving so he could easily pull me into his lap. I quickly straddled him in order to bury my face in his neck.

My arms still held onto his torso as he wrapped his arms around me. He must've closed the water bottle and tossed it aside sometime earlier, deciding it was more important to comfort me. So, how the hell did a broke college student become best friends with one of the youngest CEOs in Seoul? It honestly still amazes me that we're even still friends, that I get the pleasure of being his best friend. He's everything you'd want in a person. Caring, beautiful, fit despite his work schedule, one of most hardworking people you'll ever meet.

We've been friends since we were teens, simple freshmen stuck together for a lab experiment. Thinking back on it, it's sort of funny because the first thing he ever said was I like your shirt. I smiled slightly, thinking back on the fond memories. Taehyung and I are some of the closest of people, and we're always joined at the hip when we aren't busy. I mean, we grew up together, figured out college together, lost our virginity to each other. I chuckled slightly thinking about it. Two teens frustrated and scared to lose it to someone who didn't know us. It just sort of played out one night, safe word established quickly since Taehyung was so worried. Taehyung shuffled slightly under me.

"What are you laughing about, Miss?" He teased, jabbing my sides. He's always loved fucking with me, and knew how to get on my nerves in just a few attempts. I decided to lie, figuring that, if he even remembered that night, he wouldn't want to hear about it. I shrugged, shoving my face into his neck further. "I was thinking about science when we were paired together." I said, my focus going to my shirt that was riding up slightly. Taehyung paid no attention to it, his hands resting on the bare skin of my back.

"Ugh, don't remind me." He laughed before mocking himself. "I like your shirt." I laughed, shaking my head at him. I sat up, my hands placed on his chest. He seemed tired, but sobering up a bit. His hands released my torso, going to wipe the tears off my cheeks. I smiled slightly before climbing off his lap and standing back up. "Finish drinking your water." I said, tossing the bottle over to where he was sitting. I walked into his living room, opening up the fridge and seeing what was there. I shrugged, settling on leftover takeout I'm assuming was from the shop near his work. I tossed it into the microwave before calling out to Taehyung.

"Do you want anything?" I asked, waiting for a response. "You." A small reply came, unsure and small compared to his normal loud ass. I laughed at him before asking the question once more. He simply said nothing, stating he wasn't hungry. He usually isn't when he drinks anyway. I took the takeout out, walking back into the living room. I sat and ate, making sure not to spill anything because I definitely couldn't afford to buy him a new one. This couch is probably my salary, the boy's got money. "Are you okay?" He asked, reaching over to rub my thigh. "Didn't I tell you he was a dick though? You should date better people. Like me."

I laughed at him, playfully swatting his hand away from me. I went back to my food, not paying attention to the hand creeping up towards my thigh once more. He rubbed his hand up my thighs once more, smiling slightly. "Taehyung, you're drunk." I mumbled, shoving food into my mouth once more.

Taehyung moved once more, placing his hand on my arm. Whines immediately came from me, complaining about the food and expensive couch. "Taehyung, I'm going to spill this on your couch and you're going to be mad at me" I threatened. "Fuck it. I can buy a new one." He mumbled, reaching up to smack the food out of my hand. I jerked my arm away, setting the tray down on the coffee table. "No you can't you drunk cunt." I mumbled, jumping over and pulling him down on the couch. I curled up under his arm, my face buried in his chest while I placed my arm on his side. He smiled, looking up at the TV after placing a kiss on my forehead. He held me closer, and continued to hold me until I drifted off to sleep.

∆∆∆

The sound of shuffling woke me up, my eyes barely adjusting to the bright light. Taehyung was shuffling next to me, struggling to get up. I let out a small grunt, moving so he could easily stand up. He apologized before running off to what I assumed was the bathroom. I smashed myself into the corner of the couch, trying to gain back the warmth that just left. Taehyung's chuckles filled the room as he passed by the living room, walking into the kitchen. He was probably going to go grab pain killers and a water. He waltzed back to the couch, plopping down. I let out a small grunt of disapproval.

"Come on, go and do your classes." He said, pulling me by my shirt towards him. He's always used his strength to do whatever, and it gets annoying every now and then. "Would you stop pulling me around like a ragdoll?" I said, rolling over to look at him. He had a smirk on his face, missing his shirt that he was previously wearing. "Go get a shirt on" I said. "No." He said, dropping a water bottle and laying down. I rolled over, cuddling into his warm embrace. His golden skin always give off warmth, and god I loved it. "Shouldn't you have classes to attend?" Taehyung asked, wrapping his arms around me. I rolled my eyes at him, wondering how stupid he has to be to not understand.

"I just got my heart broken yesterday, why would I want to do anything?" I mumbled, "I just want comfort and to rest for awhile." Taehyung nodded, holding me. He mumbled something that I didn't quite catch, but I was too lazy to ask what he said. "Why do you date douchebags? I mean, they don't give you the love you deserve and end up breaking your heart. You should find someone that actually cares about you." He mumbled, tangling his legs with mine. "Why does it matter to you Taehyung?" I asked, looking up at him.

"Because you come to my apartment at like 3 am sobbing usually. And you shouldn't even be out at that time, with someone else or alone for that matter. It's not safe. And you deserve better." He mumbled. "Would you stop worrying about that? I'll be okay." I could barely even finish my sentence when Taehyung crashed his lips onto mine, our lips molding together within seconds. Taehyung pulled away slightly, attaching his lips on to my jaw. My breath hitched, hands moving to grab at his arms.

"Taehyung, I don't think this is a good idea." I mumbled, his movements coming to a stop and his body stiffing. "I just mean we're probably just confused and I just broke up and you're a famous CEO hooking up with a college st-" I knew if I asked, he would immediately stop. It's not that I was afraid of him doing something stupid, I was afraid of the underlying feelings I had for my best friend. The feelings that make me want to cherish and love him just as much as have him fuck my brains out.

"Tell me y/n, do you really think I don't notice?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. "Think I don't notice the looks you give me when you think I'm not paying attention? You rubbing together your thighs when you're around me?". "Taehyung I still don't think-", "You don't think this is a good idea because you're afraid. You'll have a real man now, someone that will love and appreciate you as well as please you? Listen, I have no problem with that as long as you return it." He mumbled, moving over to whisper in my ear. "Do you know how much you affect me?"

He licked my ear, sucking slightly causing me to whimper. My eyes were screwed shut, head cocked to side. He climbed around so he could be on top, grinding our hips together slightly. His bulge rubbed against my thigh, rock hard. "Taehyung-", "Waste it on me y/n. Your love, please just this once. You waste it on everyone else, so why not me? Why not your best friend that's in love? Please, it's not going to hurt if it's just once." He mumbled, locking eyes with me. "Taehyung-", "Daddy." He corrected, is he serious right now?? He wants me to fill in his kinks now??

"Taehy-", "Did you not hear me babygirl?" He said, staring down at me. I gripped his torso, wondering how the hell I got myself into this situation. How I ended up here, with him. "Daddy, please." I said, coming out more whiny than I expected. He smirked slightly, a look of confidence flushing over his face. "What babygirl? Tell me so I can please you." He said, moving so his face was a mere millimeters away. "Kiss me."

He did, quickly getting rid of the space in between us. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling slightly. His hips slightly rolled into mine, pulling a moan from the both of us. Taehyung's hands slipped down, running up and down my sides, stopping to squeeze slightly. His hands found their way to my ass, squeezing and rubbing. "Daddy~" I whined, rolling my hips up into his. He let out a small groan, moving to place hot, open mouthed kisses all along my neck. He stopped to suck a small bruise here and there, making sure to leave his mark.

His hands slipped into my shirt, squeezing my sides. I giggled slightly, jerking away from the ticklish action. Taehyung smiled up at me before slipping my shirt up and eventually over my head. My arms instinctively went to cover my skin, Taehyung clicking his tongue slightly. "Come on babe, don't make me tie you up." He mocked, smirking at me. My eyes widened slightly, taking Taehyung back for a moment. "God, I don't remember a freak in highschool.", "Oh my God. Please don't." I said, staring at him. He's referring to losing our virginity to each other, embarrassing.

"So shy and innocent-", "I don't remember such a cocky shit in the bedroom either? You think you've gotten better?" I challenged. "I know I've gotten better." He answered. He's so full of himself. "Whoever cums first, loses." I challenged, staring up at him. He looked taken back. I smiled, sitting up in order to push him back on the couch. I straddled him, sitting on his hips as I took my bra off and tossed it somewhere across the room. Taehyung's hands flew up, squeezing and pinching what he could manage. I let out a small whine when he took a sensitive bud in between his fingers, twisting it roughly. My hips involuntary rolled, Taehyung's hips jerking up. I moved, going to pull on his shorts. The more I pulled down, I realized he wasn't wearing any underwear.

"This was your plan all morning?" I questioned. "Nope, just when I seen you over here looking like a fresh baked snack." He said, making me laugh at how stupid he was. I rolled my eyes, kissing his hips slightly. Once his shorts were off, he wasted no time kicking them halfway across the room. I giggled slightly, laying down on the couch so I was level with his cock. Taehyung threw his head back, his breathing becoming uneven. I licked a long stripe from bottom to top, stopping at the top to flick my tongue along his tip. I slowly wrapped my lips around his tip, sinking down slightly before coming back up. I took inch by inch until he hit the back of my throat, sinking down a bit more before coming up. A low moan fell from Taehyung as I swallowed around him, his hips involuntary bucked up into my mouth.

I fought off my gag reflex, hallowing my cheeks around him. I let him face fuck me, his hands roughly controlling my head to please himself. A loud whine fell from him, grabbing my hair and pulling my head up an off. He wrapped his fingers around his base, squeezing. Once he calmed down, he looked up at me. "Okay Miss, your turn." He said before basically pouncing on me. Our lips connected in a rush, molding together as his hands slipped into my jeans. He popped open the buttons with ease, sliding my jeans down my legs. His warms hands squeezed my thighs, coming up to link his fingers with my lace panties.

He pulled away from the kiss, locking eyes with me quickly before sinking down. He gently pulled off the lace, tossing it aside. After a bit, he nipped at my thigh, sucking a bruise. He continued nipping at my thighs, making me get more and more impatient. "Daddy! Please!" I whined, my hips bucking up. He moved, licking a long stripe. I whined as me began sucking on my clit, flicking his tongue every now and then. My hands were buried in his hair, resisting the urge to crush his head with my thighs.

I felt Taehyung's smirk, wrapping his arms around my thighs and pinning me down. I bucked my hips into his mouth, a low moan falling from my lips. "Taehyung, slow down." I whined, my legs shaking in his arms. He did, slowing down his tongue flicks. He let go one of my legs, moving his finger to me gently. Slowly, he pushed his finger in knuckle deep. I couldn't fight the loud moan that fell from me.

"God I fucking love your thighs." He mumbled, drawing circles where one of his arms was still wrapped around me. "So thick and full, so much better than the sticks that throw themselves at me." A small laugh came from me, shaking my head at him. "I'm sure you've had plenty of those sticks in here." He shook his head, drawing his finger out slowly before pushing it back in. I grabbed his wrist, positioning it a bit differently and told him to curl his fingers next time. He followed, hitting exactly where I needed him to. My whole body jerked, making him smile up at me.

"Fuck I've missed you." Taehyung groaned, talking to himself more than anything. I wasn't sure if he meant me, or my heat. I decided not to ask, not wanting to get hurt over something so stupid. His fingers picked up their pace, hitting exactly where I told him. Moans fell from my lips, my head thrown back as I held onto his head. Slowly, I felt an orgasm coming upon me. "Taehyung!" I whined, grabbing his arm and jerking him away. He could easily continue, overpower me completely with just one hand. But Taehyung isn't like that. He became instantly worried."Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Do you want to stop?" He asked, panic striking him from all sides.

I laughed, sitting up. I pulled him to me, kissing him as deeply as I could. "No, you're okay. Just, a bit overwhelming." I smiled. He nodded, sitting up. "Is it okay if I continue, I need to stretch you out. I'd hate to hurt you." He said, slightly hesitant with each word he spoke. "Of course. And what happened to the man that was just so cocky seconds ago?" I asked, teasing him. He scoffed, continuing. He started with one finger, slowly adding a second and beginning a scissoring motion.

Small moans fell from me, gripping his arm where I was able to. Looking down, Taehyung still wore his arrogant smile. After he deemed me stretched and ready enough, he sat up and in between my thighs. He looked around for a few seconds, for what I'm assuming is for a condom or something like that. "No condom." I mumbled, making his attention snap back over to me. His cheeks were slightly flushed and eyes full of concern and slight worry. "I'm on the pill." I reassured. "Yeah, but that's not a 100% you won't get pregnant." Taehyung mumbled, still worried. I laughed, shaking my head at him.

"It's pretty damn close, but if you're really that scared go find one. I'll be here waiting for you." I teased, watching his eyes narrow at me slightly. I giggled as he pounced on top of me, pinning my arms above my head with ease. A small smirk grew on my face as I nibbled slightly on his earlobe. "Daddy, please fuck me." Taehyung couldn't resist anymore, positioning himself before easily sliding in. He let out a loud grunt as he bottomed out, his head falling into my neck. "Fuck, when's the last time you've had sex?"

"What? What do you mean?" I asked, slightly panicking at his question. Taehyung slowly pushed himself up, sitting back on his legs with my thighs in his palms. I propped myself up on my elbows, watching as he slowly slid out before slamming back into me. I jolt of pleasure shot throughout my body. "You haven't been fucked in awhile, no? You're so tight." Taehyung said, placing on of my legs over his shoulder to give him better access. I let out a loud moan as he picked up his pace, gaining a steady and rather quick rhythm. Taehyung was letting out small grunts, his face becoming sweaty and his bangs sticking to his forehead.

"Ah, Taehyung" I whined, grabbing onto his arm as he pounded into me. He scoffed, leaning forward to nail my g-spot. He was folding me in half, basically. "I'll let that one slip, babygirl. But next time you're getting punished." He growled, crashing his lips onto mine while still maintaining his thrusts. As the kiss became rougher, so did his thrusts. The sound of skin hitting skin soon filled the room accompanied by moans. Taehyung's grip was harsh, holding onto my waist and thighs like it was the only thing keeping him alive. I could barely see straight anymore, pleasure washing over me. I smiled, remembering something Taehyung was absolutely weak for. I reached up, taking one of his sensitive buds in between my fingers and flicking it roughly.

He let out a throaty groan, head falling forward slightly. He was focusing on his thrusts, speeding up and slamming harder than before. Profanities spilt from the both of us, gripping onto whatever we could to keep us in place. "Fuck, I'm going to cum." Taehyung moaned, making me smirk up at him. I mumbled a small, then I win. His head shot up, completely forgetting about the dumb bet set long ago. His fingers went straight to my clit, roughly stimulating me. I yelped, holding onto his wrist for dear life while clamping down around him.

His thrusts we're sloppy and more desperate than before, quickly reaching his high. With a few lasts thrusts and moans, he came deep inside of me. As soon as he came, the stimulation caught up and sent me flying over. Bolts of pleasure shot throughout me, my toes curling and head thrown back into the sofa. I ripped Taehyung's fingers away from me, becoming too sensitive. He smirked, sliding his fingers into my mouth. I licked them, rolling my tongue in between. He watched, shaking his head.

My body was shaking, something Taehyung was quick to notice. He laid his body weight on top of me, kissing me with the most passion he ever has. The shaking came to an eventual stop, both of us relaxing for a few seconds. "Well, I guess we both lost." I mumbled, not really knowing how to not make this awkward. Taehyung laughed, shaking his head violently.

"Let's not do that weird thing where you think I'm going to suddenly leave you." He smiled, running his hands up and down my thighs. "I'll go run us a bath." He got up, jogging into the bathroom. I heard water turn on followed by a few drawers opening. After a few moments, he came back and scooped me up into his arms bridle style, making me laugh. Taehyung sat down first, then helping me sit down in between his legs. I let out a small hum, leaning against his torso and relaxing. "You know Taehyung, this is really nice." I smiled, letting him trace little patterns onto my shoulders and chest.

He smiled, kissing my shoulder gently. "Your girlfriend is going to be so lucky, she just doesn't know it yet.", "Well um, I was actually hoping you'd be my girlfriend. And I mean like, official official like dating and going out and doing things together." He laughed, "Not just hook-ups at 3 am.", "Are you serious? You're messing with me?" I calmly said, acting as if I didn't care but the frantic beating in my chest told another story. "Yeah, I've loved you since like high school." Taehyung said, becoming cheesy and acting offended when I made fun of him for it.

"I'd love to be with you Taehyung. I just think it's weird that the youngest CEO in the world is dating a broke college student." I said. "And don't get me wrong, I'm not dating you just because you're a CEO. I actually do love and care about you a lot. I always have cared about you in a more than friends way.", "Stop referring to yourself as a broke college student. You're my best friend since high school, my first ever love and my love now." He said, a dumb smile plastered across his face. I laughed, making fun of him again.

"I'm glad Taehyung. I love you too." I smiled, looking back and pecking his lips. He wore the brightest smile, kissing my shoulders while wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. I smiled, "Jesus Christ I'm happy that dick broke up with me." Taehyung laughed in response, "Get broken up by a dick and then dicked down after. You fucking slut.", I laughed, turning around to punch him in the shoulder. "Says the one that was willing to fuck me right there, on the spot." I said, mocking him. "Hey, you never told me to stop. And if you did you know I would've." He said, beginning to ramble and get cheesy again. "Okay, relax. You just fucked me, don't get all phycological about it." You playfully rolled your eyes.

"You know what?? I am glad that this time you wasted it on me" he lovingly kissed your cheek.

The End.

Feel free to like or reblog, comment down any requests you have and you can follow me inorder to stay updated.

~peace out.

#bts fanfic #bts army #bts one shot #bts smut #bts fanfction #bts kim taetae #bts kim taehyung #bts taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung fanfic #taehyung smut #taehyung x reader #taehyung imagine #taehyung oneshot #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #bts imagines #taehyung hot

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blindingdutchy · 3 years

Text

lamentation | THREE

{peter parker x fem!reader AU}

based on All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

SERIES MASTERLIST

word count: 3,310

warnings: depression, anxiety, grief, mental illness! descriptions of injury/blood/gore! angst

18+!!! minors stay away!

Peter Parker: are you okay??

Peter Parker: (Y/N)?

Peter Parker: why aren't you at school? please tell me you're okay

You shut your phone off and buried your head under your pillow again, wishing for nothing more than to go back to sleep and escape life completely. All weekend long, and especially all morning, your phone had been ringing non stop with texts from Peter Parker. As much as you wished you could say you hadn't read them, you had.

You'd read them all almost as soon as you'd received them, but you just couldn't bring yourself to respond. You didn't need friends. You didn't want friends. Peter Parker was not your friend, and you were determined to keep it that way. No matter how hard he tried to force himself into your life, you were not going to let him in; you couldn't.

You couldn't let him in and risk getting hurt again, and today was yet another painful reminder of why. It was her birthday. At least, it would have been if she weren't dead. If you hadn't put her in the wrong place at the right time, ending her life and ruining yours forever.

For one tiny moment after you woke up, one minuscule fraction of a second, you forgot the importance of the day. You forgot what made the day different, and you forgot that your sister was dead. Or, rather, did you forget you ever had a sister at all? Had--that was the word that made you weep.

That fleeting moment of ignorance was the exact reason why it should have been you and not her. Surely, she never would have forgotten your birthday, or you, or your absence. She never would have looked at the date and even hesitated in remembering what the significance was. Always the better sister, the better person, the one who deserved it all.

Since that moment you had not left your bed, and Peter's latest slew of texts forced you to look at the time and acknowledge that hours had passed. It was lunch time, hours and hours since you'd awoken, and you had not moved even an inch. Everything felt too heavy.

The air felt too thick, gravity too strong, your body made of stone; you wondered if you were even able to move. Of course, you had shut your phone off so clearly you could move, but you didn't want to. It was so hard, so unbelievably hard to move. Why did everything have to be so tough?

As you laid there, staring at the blackened void of the backs of your eyelids because you just couldn't shut your mind off, your thoughts wandered through all the darkest places. Would she have been ashamed to see you like this? Would she have been disgusted with how you were acting, the person you had become?

God, why couldn't you just shut it off? Why couldn't you just make it all stop? That was all you wanted anymore. You wanted the thoughts, the feelings, the memories, everything, to just go away. You wanted to just exist in the empty void that only came about when you were sleeping. The space where your senses were gone and it was just you.

Or, maybe, you didn't want to exist at all. That wasn't to say that you wanted to die, even though you did, but rather that you just wanted to cease to exist. You wanted to never be, to never have been. It was complex thought that was equally as heavy and taxing to ponder.

Would that have made a difference? Would she have lived if you had never been around, never been alive, to lead her down all the paths that lead to that moment? If you hadn't existed, she wouldn't have been in the park at that perfect moment. If she, by some mystical force, had been there anyways, she wouldn't have lingered behind to save you.

Everyone's lives would have been so much better without you. Your parents wouldn't have had to work so much to afford everything for you and your sister. Your grandma might have lived longer, not having to exert herself so much to watch after the troublesome child that you had been. Maybe the butterfly effect of your lack of existence would have reached so far that the world would generally be a better place, too.

You barked a laugh at the thought, your voice hoarse from dehydration and lack of use. How pathetic it was of you to think you had so much of an impact! You surely were not so important that you changed that much about the world.

"(Y/N), honey?"

The world got a little heavier at the sound of your door creaking open and your mother's soft, hesitant voice. When you didn't respond, nor even move a muscle, she sighed, "(Y/N), you need to eat. I made some soup, I'll even bring it up to you if you want."

Despite the fact that you didn't feel hungry in even the slightest capacity, your stomach rumbled loudly at the mention of food. "Okay." you whispered, and when the door clicked shut again the silence was overwhelming.

She would have been so disappointed in you. You knew just how much you worried your parents with every passing day, and as much as you wanted to be better and make them feel better, you just couldn't bring yourself to care. You couldn't bring yourself to care about your wellbeing or how all the things you were doing, or not doing, affected your parents.

Caring wasn't easy anymore, and it felt foreign. You were so bogged down under all the baggage on your back, on your shoulders, and on your head that you couldn't expend any of the energy required to do so. If you did, if you tried, you'd surely have collapsed under the weight.

Your mother came back and left once more just as quickly, sighing quietly as she tried and failed to rouse you from your bed. You'd remained silent through the creak of the door, the soft clatter of the bowl and spoon being placed on your nightstand, her soft breathes of disappointment, and the click of the latch as she left again. You even held your breathe, so immersed in listening to all her little noises that you forgot about the air you needed to live.

When your mother returned to your room later that day, though it felt like seconds for you, she ripped the blankets from your body and blinked down at you tearfully. "You didn't eat." she stated simply, gesturing to the still full bowl of soup that was now ice cold.

You blinked back, though the tears in your eyes were due to the sudden burn of being open rather than emotion. The numbness had creeped in at some point during the day, and you couldn't feel a thing aside from empty. She waited there for a long, pregnant moment for you to respond, but you had no words.

What were you meant to say? You could hear your sister's voice scolding you for ignoring her, but you just couldn't think of the right thing to say anymore. "Get up, (Y/N). Dinner is getting cold and you're going to eat with us, even if I have to drag you out of this bed myself." your mother finally demanded.

Weakly, you clambered out of your bed and followed her downstairs. She tried to hide it, probably for your sake, but you could see the pleased smile on her face as she finally got you out of your bed. You wondered what it felt like to smile anymore. Could you smile anymore? You'd tried a few times, but it always felt awkward and forced and never looked quite right.

"She lives!"

You grimaced, your version of a smile, at your father's bland attempt at humor that earned a warning glare from your mother. Yes, you lived, and that was the problem. You didn't want to. You shouldn't have. It should have been her coming down to dinner to celebrate her birthday, not you trudging to the table to try and ignore the party that should have been taking place.

She would have been nineteen. Would she have liked college? Would she have found a cute college boy to date, maybe have brought him home to meet the family on her birthday? Your mother made her favorite food, a family recipe, and you pretended you didn't notice.

It didn't taste as good without her around to gush over it in anticipation. You'd never been much of a fan in the first place, but as a little sister it was your duty to love everything your big sister did. Food included, and you'd eagerly sucked down that casserole for years and claimed it was your favorite too.

"I'll be right back, don't go anywhere!" your mother announced, wiping her hands on a napkin as you choked down the last pea on your plate.

When she returned a few moments later with a large chocolate cake in her hands, a cold sweat blossomed over your body and you stiffened. "What's that?" you demanded, staring wide eyed at the all-too-familiar cake incredulously.

It was a rhetorical question. You knew exactly what it was, but you were horrified to see it. She'd made her famous chocolate cake, the same cake she'd made every year for your sister's birthday because, like the casserole, it too was her favorite.

Was this some kind of sick joke? Why did she make a cake? Your sister was gone, and there was nothing to celebrate. If anything you wished to still be hidden away under your blankets, moping and wishing for peace. Yet, here was your mother, placing the cake down on the table with a sheepish smile and watery eyes.

She stared at the cake, avoiding your eyes as she sniffed, "I just... I thought that maybe this would make it feel like she's still here. I just wanted a little bit of her to make the day a little less sad."

"She's not here, Mom." you snapped, "She's not here, and this isn't going to change that."

With a loud screech from your chair that scraped across the floor, you bolted away from the table and back to your room. God, why are you being so horrible? She's just trying her best, you don't have to be so hard on her... Your sister's voice echoed in your mind, rattling around your skull so hard you swore you could feel your teeth chatter.

She was right, and you knew it. You knew you were being unfair, cruel even, but you couldn't help it. You couldn't help the uncontrollable guilt that seeing all your sister's favorite foods brought creeping back over you. You couldn't help the bile that steadily rose up your throat at the thought of her, the sight of her ever-present empty chair.

You couldn't help any of it. The anger and guilt was too much to bear, especially as you heard your mother's choked sob echo from the dining room all the way to your bedroom. You'd done that. You'd made her cry with your selfish contempt. You were truly the worst.

Collapsing back onto your bed and burying yourself under your blankets, you smothered yourself with your pillow until it felt like your lungs were going to explode. The tears never came, though you wished for them desperately. You felt like crying, you wanted to cry, but you couldn't. You were all cried out once more.

A loud knock on your window startled you awake, and you blinked in surprise at the pitch darkness of your room. You couldn't remember falling asleep, but that was fairly typical anymore. When you don't dream, there's never really much to differentiate between wake and rest. It was always just like blinking your eyes--one moment it was one day, and the next it was another.

Time moved pretty strangely ever since the incident, you'd discovered. Sleep made time seem longer, more impactful, and without it the days all blurred together. Another knock caught your attention, followed by another, before there was a steady rapping at the glass pane that made you furrow your eyebrows.

You clicked the power button on your phone only to huff when you remembered you'd shut it off, and turned to face the window. A shadow passed before it and your heart stuttered frightfully. Another knock, another shadow, and you were surprised you hadn't peed your pants in fear. There was someone out there.

A head popped up over the windowsill, falling heavily against the glass with a loud bang that made you jump. "What the--Peter?" you gasped, your eyes slowly adjusting to the dim lighting until you could make out the familiar suit of Spiderman.

What the hell was Peter doing at your window, and why was he still dressed up in his stupid costume? Begrudgingly, yet secretly curious, you creeped out of your bed and opened the window with furrowed eyebrows. "Peter, what are you doing here?" you whispered, but he didn't respond.

Well, he didn't respond with words. He groaned, a strange gargled noise like he was trying to talk through a mouthful of water, and his head lolled to the side weakly. Prodding his shoulder, he nearly tumbled to the ground until you caught him awkwardly and strained to keep him upright. "P-please, help." he gasped.

Your heart was racing, and your mind was moving nearly as fast with a million questions. How the hell did Peter know where you lived? Why was he at your window? What was wrong with him? Why did he think you were the person to help him? Why, what, why, how, all the questions remained unanswered.

It was a great struggle to drag Peter through your window, a task that was done without much help from the surprisingly heavy boy who leaned nearly all of his weight onto you. You did it, though, and bit back a scream when you pulled your hands away to find them covered in blood. As you stared at the dark, red stains on your flesh, the smell of it hit you and your head was spinning.

Blood, and a lot of it. Immediately your mind brought you back to that fateful day, images of your sister's lifeless form flashing before your eyes and blurring the world around you. Your breathing grew shallower, and just as the tunnel vision started to encroach, Peter garbled, "Please, (Y/N), you need to help me."

He weakly slapped at his chest until his suit deflated like a balloon, peeling away from his body like a loose tarp that was easily pulled away from his skin. "Oh, my god!" you wailed. His body was riddled with cuts, scrapes, and bruises galore. You wondered if any of his skin remained unbroken, because everything was black, blue, and red.

For the first time in what felt like forever, your fight or flight switched gears to fight. You weren't entirely sure why, because you were crying and holding back vomit like your life depended on it, but you raced around your room to gather anything you could to staunch the bleeding. Every breathe you took overwhelmed you with the smell of blood, that familiar metallic scent of iron or pennies, but you couldn't breathe through your mouth.

If you opened your mouth, you were surely going to lose all the food you'd eaten for dinner. All you could think of was your sister. You thought of what she would have done, and you knew that you were making the right choice in helping him. She would never have left him to fend for himself. Most of all, though, you thought of your sister and how you hadn't stopped her from dying, and you couldn't do that again.

You couldn't let another person die as a result of your actions. You couldn't, and you wouldn't. So, you worked hard and fast through all your crying to patch Peter up as best as you could. Nothing needed stitches as far as you could tell, but nearly every inch of his skin was broken with some form of scrape, scratch, or cut.

It was messy, and by the time you finished you were pretty sure you had more of Peter's blood on your skin and clothes than he had on himself. He was asleep, or unconscious, you weren't entirely sure. What you were sure of, though, was that the sun was rising and he needed to leave. You needed him to get out, both for the sake of your mentality and your parents'.

So, you jabbed your fingers into his shoulder and hissed, "Wake up!"

He awoke frantically, his eyes snapping open and his body lurching upright as he looked around in a panic. "Get away--(Y/N)? What... What am I doing here? Where am I?" he stammered, slumping back onto the floor with a wince as he continued to scan his surroundings in confusion.

"You're in my bedroom, Parker, and I don't know why. You showed up covered in blood and begging for help." you grumbled in annoyance. "You need to go. It's almost morning."

He blinked in surprise, glancing out your window to see the early hints of dawn on the horizon. "I, uh, I'm... I'm sorry. I don't remember coming here." he mumbled, "Woah, did I hurt you? Oh my God, I hurt you, I'm so--"

"This is your blood, Peter." you growled, cutting off his frenzied rambling as he finally caught sight of the red stains all over your body. "Get out."

He stared at you with parted lips, eyes wide with panic and apprehension. "Are you crying?" he finally asked, his voice timid.

It took you a moment to realize that, yes, you were in fact crying. You hadn't realized that the tears were still flowing from your eyes, but as you did the adrenaline wore off and you choked out through a sob, "Get out! Get out of here, Peter!"

Without the adrenaline pumping through your veins to keep you grounded, the emotion of the entire situation caught up to you. All the fear, anguish, guilt, and anxiety--it all washed over you in an instant and you were losing it. But, you were also angry. You were angry with Peter for putting you in that position.

You were angry that he'd show up, barely alive and begging for your help, when he knew somewhat of what you'd been through. He knew, at the very least, that your sister's death was on your hands, and he put you in a position to put another name on that list. Most of all, though, you were angry that already all of your worst fears were thrown in your face.

Peter wasn't your friend, but some part of you wanted him to be, and already you were faced with the prospect of him dying and you being helpless to stop it. Why was the universe so cruel to you? Were you cursed? It was all a sick, twisted joke, and you wanted no part of it.

"(Y/N), what's wrong--"

You cried, "Just, please, go. I'll see you at school, okay? Just go!"

And, after a moment of hesitation, he went. He climbed out of your window from where he watched you for another minute longer, clearly unwilling to leave you alone in such a state. Peter watched wordlessly as you fumbled to close and latch the window, until you shut the curtains and shut him out again.

Peter Parker: i'm so sorry

Peter Parker: please be okay

Peter Parker: i better see you at school tomorrow or i'm coming back to check on you

Peter Parker: or today i guess

SERIES TAGLIST {ask to be added}:

@msmimimerton @zendayasfwb

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developmentbuild · 3 years

Text

back at crispy creme's *does a backflip*

this tier follows a rating of perfect-amazing-good-didn't really care-get them away from my face. major stone ocean spoilers under the cut, having said all that, lets proceed

this is possibly one of the few parts where i've actually enjoyed the main villain as much as the main group. jolyne is an outstanding jojo - while she shares the same ambition as her father (might be the joestar/kujo genes), she is very much herself. she shows extreme strength and resilience but in the same breath she cares for her friends/the stocean gang (see: jolyne telling emporio they can keep in touch with the phone she stole from rykiel). this caring, big sister esque personality seems to also carry over to irene. as someone who relates to jolyne a lot, i can definitely feel she has a lot of love in her heart despite not growing up with a fatherly figure. she is tough - shaped like that because of her circumstances.

i loved hermes a lot, her personality is super fun and her stand is insanely destructive. i liked how she came for revenge once she had properly figured out how kiss worked - which didn't take long to figure out. foo fighters' death was very upsetting to me, i personally loved them a lot. they showed amazing character development and it was very sad to see them die because they just... had something to live for. whether that be jolyne (which, to me, seems as a beacon of hope in stone ocean) or just valuing life. a life outside of protecting whitesnake's disks, a life that foof could call theirs. them & weather dying but pushing jolyne closer to pucci was really saddening, but their sacrifices definitely weren't for nothing.

emporio, my poor boy, deserves some slack. i find it very karmic justice that emporio and weather (via the weather report stand disk) defeated pucci. emporio deserves the best, i hate how kids (see: lucy, hayato and to some extent, the VA gang that is <18) go through such difficult situations which end up traumatizing them. emporio definitely carries a heavy burden on his shoulders and he's barely 11, which is very young for a boy. weather was very badass and his fight with pucci at a certain point felt like jotaro v dio (which is referenced with the knives pointed at jolyne) when the crystalized shards of blood were pointing at him. loved him a lot especially in the bohemian rhapsody arc, where he found out how to defeat ungalo.

and now... sigh. here on hitmanboyfriend dot tumblr dot com we LOVE narciso anasui. anasui is very unapologetically himself, with his little attitude, foul mouth and his extreme fondness for jolyne (which she doesn't reciprocate. she barely bats an eyelash. if there's anybody yall should hate, there's gwess. yall just hate to see a boytoy winning). anasui is also someone who went through INSANE character development - from not really caring about anybody else that isn't jolyne, to the point where he had diver down phased inside of everyone. hadn't he cared, he would've only had diver down phased inside of jotaro and jolyne at the MiH fight and even possibly wouldn't offer to take the damage redirected to him via dd. anasui is one of my stone ocean favorites and i love him a lot, despite all his flaws (which flaws? he's perfect).

and onwards to pucci - pucci is a good villain in the sense that what he wanted to do was for the better of humanity (same as FV who just wanted to make america the most prosperous land). in a sense, if you think about it, knowing what everyone's destiny might make you happy. but also, wouldn't it make you incomplete? life is here to be lived on after all, and the paths we tread aren't paths we need to know completely. it completely stumps the human experience. but either way, back to pucci. his determination and strength are no joke, and in my opinion made in heaven as an arc and as a stand are the most terrifying. there's nothing more terrifying than knowing time is slipping away from you since it's accelerating faster and faster. i can't wait for the anime to see how they'll do made in heaven (stand and arc). definitely gives you the chills

having been done with the gang - imo stone ocean didn't have many memorable minor antags like sbr, sdc and vento aureo. the only memorable ones i can point out were gwess (who despite my previous judgement, i love unapologetically). stand isnt that impressive considering formaggio exists (and can shrink himself, which gwess cant do), but her design and overall character are my favorite. unhinged women are my favorite. miraschon is also a favorite because of her design and her stand, debt collector. i thought her arc was very fun, although im not sure how dp will handle this (or even stocean as a whole) since stocean is a bit heavier with gore. from dio's kids, my favorite (Excluding giorno) is donatello - he definitely shares far more similarities to his father dio than the rest, reminds me of diego in the sense he just wanted to achieve personal happiness now that he'd been granted his stand and was ready to disregard pucci and his ulterior motives just for his own personal ones. the other dio boys weren't that bad (love rykiel as a character, sky high is an epic stand and i love his design - ungalo gave us wolf anasui so i think we should be grateful as anasui fans), but i just found donatello personally more intriguing.

fuck sports maxx. idk what else to write here. overall stone ocean has a very likeable main cast (depending on who you are, i guess).

#personal #ready to get flamed but here are my humble opinions:)

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dojae-huh · 2 years

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this is illogical of me but i can't help feeling meh by the current lineups so far. i know it's a big project so they will try to have members from all units in each song and new combinations are the selling point of nct 2018, 2020, 2021 and future year projects. however i agree that some members' vocals don't work well together as other combinations. i'm not musically trained but tende is fans favourite for good reasons.

this is biased of me but because tende (all and two of any combination) is also my favourite vocal line in nct and introduced me to 127 in the first place, i want them to be part of an nct u song too. it's not a very realistic wish for year projects though. so far we got tende, without you, maw (dy and jh) and dancing in the rain (ti and jh) but in dancing in the rain, jh and ti didn't even harmonise except in the chorus with all members. and look at know now with dy, mk, jeno, jm and yy. it's almost a repeat of universe lineup but these members are still from different nct units. unless they plan a song with only tende for future albums, the new combination priority and the fact that tende members are all from 127 will make it difficult to include all three in one song with other neos.

even among 127 neos, i notice that producers have been trying combinations other than tende. in year projects, aren't ti and jh tend to be in the same songs with jw? like dancing in the rain, all about you (only jh and jw) and now vroom has jh and jw too. in recent 127 albums, dy harmonised with jn even more than with ti or jh? pandora's box, lemonade and another song i forgot. to be honest i'm not a big fan of jn's singing. he has improved but his vocals is still my least favourite among the current 9 active members in 127. jw and yt have unique vocal colours while ty and mk sound distinct even when they sing.

i'll have to agree that although it kinda compromises how the songs turn out, it makes sense that different vocal combinations and all members need time to shine as the group grows. but can a miracle happen and we get dy and jh and dy and ti in sweet dream and good night lol thank god we still get ti and jh in round&round. praying for their harmonisation this time.

Tende members also have OSTs.

Taeil and Doyoung together are still used a lot, in "Freeze" for example. It's rare to hear Tende linked together now though. I agree with you, that Tende is paired now with others in 127 as well. It used to be TaeMark + Tende formula with Haechan and Yuta for accents and adlibs.

For new fans, to remind you:

Limitless: 2:50-3:15

Cherry Bomb: 2:08-2:34

Touch (Hyuk was added, but he can be omitted): 2:03-2:22

Chain 1:18-1:23

Johnny is paired with Do for harmonies for Johnny to have more prominent lines. His voice can't carry them alone. Doyoung is an "amplifier". If you listen to choruses, especially during live stages, he provides a lot of power and support.

New combos could turn out great, we should wait and see. However, I tend to agree with you, and also think that we will get mostly "stringed" songs. In such songs all voices are separate, their sum doesn't give a new effect.

"Lemonade" is a good example of a song where vocals are used very smartly. Haechan coming after Jaehyun in the beginning, Woo's "scoot" is like a whistle note on top of Tae' low whispery rap. "Hold up" echoing in different voices. Do's "detached" voice atop of rappers. Taeil and Do transitioning smoothly from one to another on an "arc". It all gives volume and additional dynamic. And you can't easily change the roles.

"Love on the floor" is a "stringed" song. Voices just follow each other, sound similar, you can change the order without it affecting anything very much.

#Ask me away #NCT2021 #tende #we eye to eye

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atsumusc0ck · 4 years

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Midnight Pleasures

Kuroo x Reader (y/n) x Akaashi

College AU

All characters aged up to 18+

“you up?” Chapter One

2am

Bing bing bing

Your phone takes you out of your thoughts with a chime

Rolling over to check your phone, blinding in the wee hours of the night

“you up?” -Kuroo🐓

Smiling giddily to yourself your fingers rush to reply

“Yeah.

Want to come over? The usual?”

Interactions like this have become the norm with you and Kuroo. A casual thing, no feelings, no strings attached. Whenever either of you are bored, lonely, or well flat out horny you send a quick message and meet up soon after.

It started early last month in April. Bokuto had his usual big back to school bash where you and the raven haired boy met. Unsure if it was the alcohol or the loneliness in a new city but sparks flew. Since that night together, many have followed. Youth both decided from the start it would be nothing serious. No love, no feelings. Just lust filled fun.

As your train of thought of how this all started and all your encounters since comes to an end you hear a knock at the door. Opening it to see a sleepy Kuroo towering over you in the doorway. You can’t help but smile at the fact he showed up in pajamas. An old volleyball shirt, maybe from highschool, plaid flannel bottoms. But his outfit was not the topic of the night. No, the topic was sex.

No need for words or anything you get straight to business.

***

As Kuroo dresses himself again your mind wanders elsewhere as you stare at the beautiful man in your room, he’d be quite the catch if this wasn’t just a friend with benefit thing. Can you even call each other friends? Fuckbuddies, that’s all this is.

“Take a picture it’ll last longer’ the cheeky rooster breaks the silence

Becoming flustered you look away. Fuck why are you blushing. It’s just a fun time no need to get so worked up.

When you look up you meet eyes with him. When did he move closer? Hovering over you he gives a cheeky smile. God he’s stunning. Your heart flutters.

You hum and inquiry tilting your head. Grateful for the darkness hiding your tomato face, allowing a calm facade.

“Nothing” he smiles and places a sloppy kiss on your lips “I’ll see you later” and with that he’s gone as quickly as he came. (if you know what I mean wink wonk).

***

A few days go by without as much as a single word from him. These past few days have been tormenting. Hovering around your phone. Checking every message in hopes it’s him.

Bing bing bing

Quickly reaching your phone you sigh at the bullshit gmail junkmail

Sighing you look around at the empty cafe around you. Absorbing the smell of fresh roasted coffee and warm milk. You look back at your phone and unlock it.

“Hey meet me at the cafe by campus on the south end” send

“Him cheeky aren't you 🥴”

“Shut up just head over🙄”

After another coffee you decide you’ll finally do it. Tell him how you feel. How this casual sex isn’t enough anymore. You want all of him so selfishly. Maybe it would be stupid to act on feelings when your interactions have only been based off lust. But you had to try.

Right as you finish bolstering your confidence Kuroo slides into the seat across from you. His signature cheshire grin seemed to devour his face

“Hmm what’s got you in such a good mood”

Kuroo beams “not to flex or anything” you can’t help but try to stifle a laugh at his choice of words. You lean in to focus all your attention on him, your body gravitating to him without your control honestly.

“I saw this girl and I mean she was stunning a real 10/10. I guess I don’t look half bad either cause she came up to me and gave me her number and said we should get to know each other” a sly smirk replaced his cheshire smile as he finished his rambled

That look of his always gives you butterflies. But when that look is induced by anyone but you? Fuck. You can’t help but feel your heart plummet straight into hell.

“That’s awesome dude!” you reply casually as if you haven’t been building up the courage to become something more to him just seconds ago “when are you gonna take her out”

You chit chat about his date ideas and end up back in the usual routine at his place.

***

Dressing yourself you calm yourself and remind yourself that this is just a casual thing. You aren't some 10/10 girl to make him happy. You’re just a filler piece of his life to fill each other's time and meet each other's needs.

You push your feelings away knowing it's better this way.

“Later Tetsu”

Masterlist // Next

A/N: hey! I havent written in a long time so I’m making this short series about 7 chapters long or so. This will get me back into writing. Hope y’all enjoy my ramblings! Akaashi will show up soon don’t worry ;)

#kuroo angst #akaashi #kuroo x reader #hq akaashi #kuroo #haikyū!!#kuroo tetsuro x reader #akaashi keiji #akaashi x reader

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aly-kurta · 3 years

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I wanted to do this since a long time .... I'll upload infos about my HxH oc!

Friendly reminder that I'll lovely accept advices and constructive criticism! Just do not spread random hate. <3 Creating characters should be fun, not something people should insult each other for!

CW: mentions of violence and family loss.

Imagine having a serious oc but the only decent drawing you have is one where they are embarassed.

Okay, let's start this.

BIOLOGICAL INFO

Name: Lewis

Meaning of name: "Illustrious warrior"

Gender: Female

Age: 18 years old

Date of Birth: 27th January (Aquarius vibes biatch)

Place of Birth: Lukso, Kurta clan (don't worry there's a reason for her survival)

Height: 1,57 cm

Weight: 51 kg

Blood type: 0-

Hair: wavy and dark brown. Shorter behind and longer on the sides.

Eyes: brown. her eye shape is sharp, giving her almost all the time a judging and serious look.

Skin: pale, there are a few white scars on her body due some fights.

Body: thanks to the training her father made her pass throught in order to be capable to protect herself, Lewis has an athletic and kind of muscular body. Sometimes it's difficult for her to keep up fighting and training due an illness concerning her legs' bones.

OCCUPATION + PERSONALITY + CLOTHES

Occupation: Blacklist hunter. She's willing to accept assignments from wealthy families (for example, Nostrade's family), but the quest, in order to be accepted, can not surpass boundaries set up by Lewis herself.

Personality: at first glance, Lewis can come off as a sarcastic but overall serious and cold brat. Due her being cautious, random friends and chit chats are a big "no", she will low her standars if the she finds someone intersting and cultured. In fact, for her, culture and intelligence count more than everything else. Her realistic, harsh irony and coldness may soften if someone forms a strong bond with her (but if you think they will be safe from her scarcasm, oh boy, you're so wrong). Slowly, her enthusiastic and curious side will come off. Small warning: joke about her height and you'll get lovely beaten up.

Likes: books, learning, smart people, cats, traveling, fighting.

Hates: ignorant people, loud noises, seeing children and innocent people suffer, killing without any particular reason.

Clothes: total black style, so it's easier for her to not be seen in the dark and during the night. She wears a sleeveless jumper, with shorts and high boots. She also wears her father's gloves in his memory and a neckacle with a blue pendant in hyaline quartz.

NEN AND FIGHTING SKILLS

Nen type: transmuter. Her hatsu consists in transmuting her aura in heat, elevating the temperature until the creation of flames ( red flames are the "weakest", the strongest one are blue -purple flames, said to reach 1400 degrees on the Celsius scale). In order to protect herself from the flames, she wraps a little bit of aura around herself, but sometimes her skin gets burnt from her hatsu, thats why she counts more on a "speed" strategy more than a "strenght" one.

When her scarlet eyes are active, she become a Specialist (I deduced every Kurta does and not just Kurapika, since the scarlet eyes are a really particular thing, what do you guys think?). When in this state, her flames and explosione created by them are way more intense and her aura gets wider. But obviously she has an harsh condition: in order to use it she has to use her own body as fuel (so that's why she has to eat regularly, not allowed to be weak).

When the scarlet eyes aren't active, her nen uses her energy and, when in En, external resources in an area of 9 meters as fuel (so if you feel yourself or the air around you becoming cold, you better keep constant distance from her).

Fighting style (hand-to-hand): her father trained her to muay thai.

TRIVIA

Her father taught her how to play the violin, but she does it rarely due painful memories;

She admires Gon's desire to meet his father because she understand that feeling, she would do anything to meet her mother or remember more and more about her;

She is inspired to Lewis Carroll, the writer of "Alice in Wonderland". Why? Originally she was a BSD and Carroll is my favourite writer together with Tolkien;

She often scolds Kurapika because he is careless about himself;

Lewis has met Hisoka before. She was in search for money and ended up fighting with him.

Why did I make her a Kurta? Six years ago, when I created her (and I didn't watch HxH) I added this thing about her eyes having a red hue when angry due her ability. Then I watched HxH and was like "wtf Lewis";

The meaning behind the name "Lewis" helped me defining her personality;

I lowkey ship her with Kurapika because of their personalities becoming even more complex when together. Their story is a whole mess because they believe that by becoming a couple, they'd just destroy each other.

BACKSTORY

Lewis was born in Lukso, along with her beloved twin brother. Her family was watched with doubt and oddity by the other members of her clan due both her parents being Hunters.

Her mother, a Virus Hunter, passed away when Lewis and her brother were five years old, so their father, a Blacklist Hunter, took the responsibility to teach them about self-defense, the outside world and to always have a goal in life. So the twins grew up knowing how to fight and the desire of making their life complete.

After her 13th birthday, Lewis decided to take the Hunter Exam (because she wanted it? Well yes, but she also aimed at making her father proud). Succeding the exam to exit the clan and greeting her people, she started her journey to get her Hunter License.

Once she got the license, after a long road, Lewis was ready to return to her forest with pride and victorious and show her clan what she was worth. So you can imagine how she felt when during her return trip she heard about the slaughter of the "demonic Kurta clan".

So pained that she couldn't even manage to return to her home, Lewis strayed for two years and half on the streets, living off the duties of a Blacklist Hunter, and then affording a decent house in Yorknew city.

What do I do now, she asked herself. Her desire to make the Troupe pay for their genocide marched together with her will to follow her father and her brother's desire: help the weake, live life to the fullest and become the best version of your soul.

That's how Lewis lives, the grief and rage battling against the desire to go on and live for herself. What will win this fight?

YORKNEW ARK

So time passes on and Lewis decides to try and get the eyes of her clan that will be exposed to the Auction.

How can she achieve this little goal? Of course she had money, but not that much to afford her purchase.

That's how she ended up meeting two little boys who came there for a videogame called "Greed Island" and a man. Their names were Killua, Gon and Leorio.

Lewis' first plan was just to do something similar to a business contract, you help me and I help you. But her planning mind didn't take in consideration the fact that this move would have changed her life.

When she told the three boys what she wanted to buy at the Auction, the group immediatly looked at each other, asking her what she found amusing about a pair of eyes took away from some innocent person.

"Let's call it... personal interest" she answered. Her vague response ringed a bell on Killua's mind, making him thinking she was a member of the infamous Phantom Troupe.

Gon, Killua and Leorio immediatly came up with a plan to make that misterious girl confess her identity and show them her spider tatoo. The plan was perfect and the three of them, after a week, cornered Lewis, ready to attack.

Little did they know about her being sligthly annoyed by this "betrayal".

Leorio's jaw almost dropped to the floor when Lewis' scarlet eyes came out instinctively. The kurta quickly hid her face but it was too late.

Gon was confused because... how did she survive the massacre?

Killua meditated if it was the case to rush and call Kurapika. Or was it a trick to prove false innocence?

With lots of sighs and sarcastic jokes like "yeah I'm the boss of that shitty Troupe, wanna come at our Christmas dinner this year?", the girls sat down and waited for that Kurapika everyone was talking about. It would have been better to kill the three boys and escape but she couldn't push herself to see life escaping Gon and Killua's eyes. They were kids and they didn't hurt her in any way yet... and the way their eyes shone, specially Gon's ones.

And so, she waited until a blonde boy stormed into the room in a rush.

What was even happening? Who was he? These question made her head fuzzy from all the thinking.

"You have scarlet eyes, don't you?" the boy approached her.

"And what if I do?" Lewis coldly looked at Kurapika.

Gon pointed out at Killua how the temperature lowered in the room.

"Show me your eyes" Kurapika said with a commanding tone.

"Don't play with fire, boy, or you'll get burnt"

Leorio interrupted the two of them: "he's a Kurta too don't worry!"

Kurapika scolded Leorio with an angry look just before realizing what he meant.

"Another... survivor?" he looked at Lewis "no it isn't possible..."

The two of them were shocked and couldn't even process the deed. They weren't alone?

"Let me use the Dowsing Chain on her, so I can state that it's the truth and not a mischevious trick.

Still shocked and confused, all of them made sure about the truth: Lewis was in fact a Kurta.

How will this twisted story reach its end? Lewis will decide to help Kurapika retrieve their clan's eyes. Will their opposite lifestyles and dreams go well together? Will Lewis succed to reach the "better version of her soul" and help Kurapika do so? Or maybe they'll both drown in the abyss of loneliness and self sacrifice?

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