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transform4u · 3 months

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Under the influence

The early morning sunlight filtered through the floor-to-ceiling windows of Chris Olsen's downtown loft, casting a warm glow over the eclectic mix of vintage furniture and modern art. In the heart of Los Angeles, where dreams were both forged and shattered daily, gay TikTok influencer Chris sat perched on a plush velvet couch, scrolling through messages on his phone with a steaming mug of coffee in hand.

Dressed casually in a open button up shirt, exposing his tight six pack abs and pecs and faded jeans, Chris embodied a relaxed charm that contrasted with the high-energy performances seen on his TikTok feed. His tousled hair, a mix of natural waves and streaks of vibrant color, framed his expressive face—a canvas that wore its emotions proudly. With over a million followers, Chris had become a beacon of positivity in the often turbulent sea of social media. His journey to self-acceptance had been a public one, documented in raw, uplifting posts that spoke to the struggles and triumphs of being true to oneself. His loft, a reflection of his eclectic tastes and creative spirit, served as both sanctuary and studio—a place where he could recharge and create.

Chris chuckled to himself as he scrolled through TikTok, contemplating his next move. He toyed with the idea of showcasing a new dance routine that had been trending, imagining the upbeat music and his own fluid movements captivating his audience. Then, his eyes caught a new hashtag trending: #SlidIntoStraightStereotypeFlitter. The irony of it tickled his sense of humor—what better way to playfully poke fun at heteronormativity than with a silly flitter video?

The thought of dressing up in exaggerated, stereotypical straight attire crossed his mind, complete with a comically serious expression as he performed the flitter. He could already envision the comments and likes pouring in, his followers appreciating the satire and the playful jab at societal norms. With a mischievous grin, Chris began brainstorming how he could turn this idea into his next viral TikTok sensation, eager to share a laugh with his community while spreading a message of acceptance and lightheartedness.

As Chris snapped the photo of himself, ready to embark on his playful journey into straight stereotype satire, he couldn't suppress a chuckle at the loading screen's progress bar humorously declaring "10% Straightness loaded." His eyes twinkled mischievously, his mind already brimming with ideas for the upcoming transformation.

Then, as if a surreal wave washed over him, he felt a strange sensation ripple through his body. A subtle yet distinct change began to unfold. He felt himself growing taller, stretching upward until he stood at an imposing 6 foot 3 inches. It was as if someone had gently tugged at his frame, elongating him just enough to be noticeably taller than before.

Amused yet slightly bewildered by this unexpected physical alteration, Chris took in his surroundings. The morning sunlight streaming through the windows seemed to cast a different glow around him, emphasizing the transformation. He glanced down at his hands, noticing a shift in his skin tone. What was once his natural complexion now appeared paler, almost ghostly, under the bright light.

Curious and increasingly fascinated by the bizarre but intriguing changes, Chris lifted his gaze to the mirror hanging on the wall. There, staring back at him, was a reflection that both amused and surprised him. Dark, dramatic circles of eyeliner now framed his eyes, contrasting starkly with his newly pale complexion. His tousled hair seemed to have taken on a more angular, styled look, adding to the overall transformation.

A smirk played on Chris's lips as he took it all in. The loading screen, now progressing to "15% Straightness loaded," seemed to perfectly capture the absurdity and fun of the moment. He couldn't help but admire the playful exaggeration of the stereotypical "straight" appearance he had adopted. It was all in good humor, a satirical nod to societal norms and expectations.

As he prepared to document this transformation for his TikTok audience, Chris felt a surge of excitement. This wasn't just about creating content; it was about sparking conversations, challenging perceptions, and spreading joy through his unique brand of humor and authenticity. With a newfound confidence in his exaggerated guise, Chris began to plan his next moves, eager to share this journey with his followers and continue celebrating the beauty of self-expression, no matter how unconventional it may be.

As Chris continued to playfully embrace the unfolding transformation, the loading screen progressed to 20% Straightness Loaded with a subtle chime. He felt a sudden shift deep within him, a sensation that was distinctly uncomfortable. It began as a subtle ache, barely noticeable, but quickly intensified into a sharp, throbbing pain that coursed through his muscles.

His abs, once defined and prominently displayed, seemed to soften and lose their chiseled form. The tightness in his pecs and biceps began to dissipate, replaced by a gradual shrinking sensation. Each muscle group seemed to deflate, the contours that had defined his physique gradually fading away. It was as though his body was reverting, shedding the muscularity he had worked so hard to maintain.

Chris grimaced, his brows furrowing with concern as he instinctively touched his abdomen, feeling the diminished outlines of what used to be his six-pack. The pain was unsettling, not just physically but emotionally too. He had embraced his body, celebrated its strength and athleticism, and now it was slipping away in a surreal twist of fate.

Fear crept into his mind. He didn't want to become someone he wasn't—a stereotypical "twink" with a slighter build. But the changes didn't stop there. As he stood in front of the mirror, trying to make sense of what was happening, he noticed something even more unexpected.

Intricate tattoos began to emerge across his skin, appearing as if inked by an unseen hand. They snaked their way up his arms, adorned his chest, and even crept along his neck and shoulders. The designs were mesmerizing yet bewildering, adding another layer to the transformation that was unfolding before his eyes.

Panic surged within Chris as he stared at his reflection, now bearing tattoos he had never imagined. Each line, each swirl seemed to tell a story of its own, marking his skin in a way that felt simultaneously foreign and oddly familiar. The pain of his muscles shrinking was now overshadowed by the overwhelming realization that his appearance was changing in ways he couldn't control.

As the loading screen crept to 30% Straightness Loaded, a tingling sensation spread through Chris's scalp, accompanied by an eerie sensation as if invisible hands were gently pulling at his hair. He watched in astonishment as his tousled locks lengthened swiftly, cascading down over his forehead and obscuring his vision. The vibrant colors of his hair seemed to intensify, transforming into an unholy mix of neon pink and electric blue, a stark contrast to the natural waves and streaks he had embraced moments ago.

Chris's hands instinctively reached up to touch the unfamiliar strands now covering his face. He felt the weight of the hair, its texture alien yet strangely alluring. The mirror reflected a person he almost didn't recognize—his eyes wide with disbelief, partially hidden behind this wild mane of dyed hair that screamed rebellion and nonconformity.

As the loading screen progressed to 40% Straightness Loaded, another wave of disorientation swept over Chris. Memories that were once vivid and cherished—attending a Lady Gaga concert, participating in those insufferable TikTok challenges with Meghan Trainor—began to blur and fade like a dream upon waking. In their place, new memories began to form, memories of raucous rock concerts, late-night jam sessions with friends, and hours spent learning chords on a guitar.

Chris staggered backward, clutching at his head as conflicting memories clashed within his mind. The sensation was dizzying, as if pieces of his identity were being rearranged without his consent. He struggled to reconcile the person he had been moments ago with the person he was becoming, all at the whim of this inexplicable transformation.

At 50% Straightness Loaded, with half of the "Straightness" now supposedly loaded, Chris felt an unsettling shift deep within his psyche. A cocky grin spread across his face, replacing his previous kind and liberal demeanor with something altogether different. Confidence bordered on arrogance, and a sense of entitlement crept into his thoughts.

Gone was the empathy and understanding that had defined his interactions. In its place surged a new attitude—an almost abrasive cockiness that felt foreign yet oddly familiar. Chris felt himself embracing notions he had once scoffed at—asserting his opinions with unwavering conviction, taking what he wanted without consideration for others, and exuding a self-assuredness that bordered on arrogance.

It was as if a switch had been flipped, rewiring his entire outlook on life. The transformation wasn't just physical or even just about memories—it was reshaping his very essence. Chris struggled against this newfound persona, the conflict evident in his furrowed brow and the tension that gripped his jaw.

As the loading screen reached 55% Straightness Loaded, a sharp, searing pain pierced through Chris's lips. He instinctively brought his hand up to his mouth, feeling the unmistakable sensation of two piercings etching themselves into his flesh—snake bite piercings, a hallmark of edgy, rebellious youth culture. The metallic taste of blood lingered as Chris gingerly touched the newly formed piercings, his heart sinking as he realized the transformation was far from over.

The cocky grin that had started to form on his face widened, a mirror of the growing arrogance and vanity that seemed to accompany each step of the loading progress. Chris felt a surge of confidence wash over him, mingled with an unsettling sense of entitlement. It was as though a new persona was emerging—one that reveled in attention, thrived on controversy, and exuded an aura of aloofness that bordered on disdain.

At 65% Straightness loaded, the transformation took a more sinister turn. Memories began to shift and morph before his eyes. Scenes of joyous moments at gay pride parades and heartfelt conversations with past dates faded into obscurity. In their place emerged memories of a different life—one where Chris was the "coolest guy in school," charming girls on campus with his guitar and cheesy pickup lines.

The disorientation was overwhelming. Chris felt himself aging backward, memories rewinding like scenes from a movie played in reverse. His sense of identity fractured further as he struggled to reconcile the conflicting realities now battling for dominance in his mind. The warm embraces and tender kisses he had shared with past boyfriends faded into obscurity, replaced by a series of failed attempts at hooking up with girls.

He recalled the nights spent at bars, trying to impress women with his charm and wit. But no matter how hard he tried, something always seemed to be missing—a spark that could never ignite between him and these strangers. He found himself resorting to desperate measures, using cheesy pickup lines and even making out with girls in public just for attention.

Chris found himself drawn to girls with big tits and fat asses, the type who knew how to work their curves and flaunt their assets. He admired the confidence they exuded, often feeling intimidated by their boldness in comparison. His eyes would linger on women wearing tight clothing that accentuated every curve, leaving little to the imagination.

As he approached these girls at bars or parties, a sneer would fall across his face as he became even more entitled than before. His arrogance grew along with his newfound desire for attention from anyone willing to give it—even if it meant objectifying women for personal gain. He'd make comments about how "hot" they looked or ask if they wanted him "to take care of them," playing into societal norms that demeaned women while boosting his own ego at the same time.

The person staring back at him wore the snake bite piercings with swagger, exuding a confidence that masked a deeper turmoil. His eyes, once bright with empathy and understanding, now glinted with a cold indifference that sent a chill down his spine.

At 75% Straightness loaded, Chris was filled with a deep sense of homophobia. Anything remotely gay or queer now seemed awful to him. He found himself rolling his eyes at jokes about "the gays" and even went as far as making derogatory comments about friends who were openly gay.

A rage began to build inside him, fueled by the anger and venom that came along with this newfound hatred for anything related to his former self. He'd lash out at anyone who dared question his straightness or challenge the norms he now held so dearly.

Chris's newfound homophobia was all-consuming. He found himself getting angry at the sight of two men holding hands or a woman wearing anything that could be perceived as "too feminine." His once open mind had closed itself off completely, leaving no room for empathy or understanding towards those who didn't fit into his narrow view of what was "normal."

One memory that stood out to him involved an encounter with an old friend from high school. They had run into each other at a local coffee shop and engaged in small talk until the topic turned to their respective love lives. When Chris mentioned his recent string of failed attempts with girls, his friend casually mentioned they were seeing someone special—a man. Chris's face flushed red with rage as he stormed out without another word, unable to contain the hatred bubbling up inside him.

As the loading screen ticked relentlessly towards 90% Straightness Loaded, Chris felt a surge of overwhelming confidence. He stood tall, shoulders squared with a swagger that exuded an air of self-assuredness bordering on arrogance. The transformation was nearing completion, and with each passing moment, Chris's identity slipped further away, replaced by the persona of Sebastian—the perfect, hot, sexy emo rocker whiny douchebag.

In this new state of being, Sebastian believed he was God's gift to women. His every move dripped with entitlement and vanity. Memories of genuine connections and meaningful conversations dissolved into a haze of superficial encounters and self-aggrandizing moments.

One vivid memory surfaced—a date with a girl named Sarah, whom Sebastian had taken to a trendy bar downtown. They sat at a dimly lit table, the clinking of glasses and distant chatter forming a backdrop to their conversation.

Sarah questioned "So, Sebastian, tell me more about yourself. What do you do?"

Sebastian, with a smug grin: "Oh, you know, I'm into music. I play guitar. I'm basically a rockstar in the making."

Sarah chuckled nervously, unsure how to respond to Sebastian's blatant self-promotion.

Sebastian continued, leaning back with a cocky tilt to his head: "I mean, girls are always falling for me. Can't blame them, right? I've got that whole mysterious, brooding artist thing going on."

Sarah shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her initial interest waning as Sebastian's arrogance became increasingly evident.

Sebastian asked "Anyway, enough about me. Tell me, Sarah, what's it like being around someone as irresistible as me?"

Sarah's polite smile faltered, replaced by a hesitant expression. She struggled to find common ground with this douchebag Sebastian, who seemed more interested in boasting about himself than getting to know her.

As the loading screen finally reached 100% Straight Whiney Emo Rocker Douchebag Stereotype Achieved, Chris Olsen ceased to exist in this reality. In his place stood Sebastian—a perpetually whiny emo douchebag, now residing in a cramped dorm room on a bustling city campus. Posters of rock bands adorned the walls, alongside flags emblazoned with symbols of alpha male pride. Sebastian spent his days studying music theory, mocking liberals, and singing songs that glorified his conservative alpha male values.

One evening in dorm, Sebastian strummed his guitar with practiced ease. His voice, a mix of raw emotion and calculated swagger, echoed through the room as he sang " ♪ They call me the alpha, the king of this town, ♪ I'm not here to play, I wear the crown. ♪ My voice is my weapon, my guitar's my sword, ♪ I'll break down the weak with a single chord."

As he played, Sebastian's dorm room began to fill with the pungent smell of weed. He had become a total stoner, spending most of his days and nights high as a kite. Empty beer cans littered every surface, evidence of his constant state of intoxication.

His once-tidy space was now cluttered with fast food wrappers, dirty clothes strewn about carelessly, and various other signs that indicated he had completely given up on maintaining any semblance of order or hygiene in his life. It was as if this new persona didn't care about anything beyond satisfying its own immediate desires—whether that meant getting high or finding someone willing to hook up for the night.

Sebastian whined on " ♪ I don't bow to no one, I stand tall and proud, ♪ Ain't afraid to speak my mind, say it loud. ♪ So listen up, all you weak and meek, ♪ I'm the alpha male, the one you seek." As the song ended, Sebastian's dorm room was a testament to his newfound lack of concern for anything beyond instant gratification. The once-clean walls were now covered in stickers and posters, most of them featuring scantily clad women or drug-related paraphernalia. His bed was unmade, with sheets tangled up in a messy heap on the floor. Empty pizza boxes and Chinese food containers littered every surface, along with empty beer cans and bongs that had been left out for all to see.

The stench of weed hung heavy in the air, mingling with the odor of sweat and unwashed clothes. It was clear that Sebastian had given up on maintaining any semblance of order or hygiene; instead choosing to immerse himself fully into this new persona characterized by excessive partying, casual sex, and constant intoxication.

His voice echoed with conviction, each word punctuated by the strum of his guitar strings. Sebastian reveled in the attention, basking in the belief that he had found his place in this new reality—a reality where Chris Olsen and his journey of self-acceptance had faded into obscurity, replaced by a persona that glorified everything he had once feared becoming.

Sebastian, the womanizing emo douchebag rockstar, had crafted a persona that screamed rebellion and arrogance in equal measure. Physically, he embodied a blend of edgy and stereotypical rockstar aesthetics. His hair, dyed in shades of unnatural brilliance—neon pink streaks intermingled with electric blue—fell in disheveled waves around his face, often obscuring his sharp, calculating eyes. Two snake bite piercings adorned his lips, a constant reminder of his defiance against conventional norms.

He dressed in a uniform of black skinny jeans, ripped at the knees for dramatic effect, paired with band t-shirts featuring obscure rock groups or provocative slogans. His arms were adorned with tattoos, a collage of symbols and lyrics that spoke to his self-proclaimed identity as a tortured artist and misunderstood rebel. Silver rings adorned his fingers, clinking against his guitar strings as he played with a practiced ease that bordered on showmanship.

Sebastian's demeanor exuded a cocky confidence that bordered on arrogance. He moved with a deliberate swagger, shoulders back and chin held high, as if the world revolved around his mere presence. In social settings, he commanded attention effortlessly, weaving through conversations with a blend of charm and calculated detachment. His voice, deep and melodious when he chose to speak, carried a husky undertone that hinted at deeper emotions masked by layers of bravado.

#gay to straight #male tf #celebrity tf #emo tf #douchebag tf #homophobia #Rocker tf

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ever-eilish · 3 months

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Hi could you do a Billie x reader where they’ve been arguing for a while now and y/n went to Billie’s studio and she seen Billie with some other girls at the studio

Spare keys

billie eilish x reader

fights between couples are normal, and when you decide to make up with Billie, your girlfriend, you discover something that would haunt you forever.

author's notes: hii!! sorry for disappearing!! I'm happy to say I'm back now ;) thank you so much for your request, I hope this was what you were expecting, I decided to make it a bit more angsty, so let me know what you think! once again, english is not my fist language so sorry for any mistakes, enjoy💕

warnings: cheating, some cursing and angst with no happy ending

You always knew that fights between couples were normal, that even when you love someone more than yourself, there will always be something that bothers you about the other person. And that's the difference between a good couple and a toxic couple: good couples can deal with their differences and go through it together; toxic couples hold on to these differences and make a big deal out of it.

At this point you don't know what kind of couple you and Billie were.

You loved her, obviously. Her smile enchanted you, her stupid jokes made you laugh and her blue eyes would make you decide that blue was your favorite color.

The only problem was that you didn't know if she loved you.

At first, it was all very subtle. First it was one of her bouts of jealousy that would be resolved in some kisses and making out on the sofa in her mansion. Then, an idiotic fight about who should wash the dishes, which was once again resolved with a few more kisses, hugs and promises of eternal love.

However, over the past few months, the fights were no longer so simple to resolve.

"Holy shit, Billie! I asked you not to go out with her, since she's clearly flirting with you all the time." You scream with your hands on your head "and what did you do? You went out with her, and on top of that you hugged her all day"

"Stop being dramatic!" Billie says. "She's just a friend"

"Marlena is a bitch! That's what she is" you say, grimacing as you mention the name of the slut who's been keeping you up at night.

"Don't talk about her like that!"

You freeze. Was Billie really defending the bitch who tried to kiss her a few days ago and then just said she was joking?

You shake your head at the bitter memory of your last - and perhaps worst - fight with Billie.

You and your girlfriend hadn't spoken since the day of the fight about Marlena, and you were feeling bad, really bad.

Maybe it was all a misunderstanding and maybe you just exaggerated, right? Right.

Billie is your light, and you can't lose her to a stupid fight. You have been through so much; this is just a troubled phase.

With this thought in mind, you get up from the bed - in which you had been lying since you stopped talking to your girlfriend - and get ready, deciding that you will surprise her. Putting on some worn jeans and a random shirt from your favorite rock band, you walk out the door of your apartment in downtown Los Angeles, and head towards Billie's studio.

You knew that your girlfriend would be recording today, since Finneas - her brother - had told you that they were both there, knowing how much you cared about his sister.

After passing a few meters, and laughing at some kind of bizarre Spider-Man that hung from the ceiling of the first subway station you took, you finally see the studio doors.

Out of breath, you just say your name to the angry-faced security guard, hand over your ID and he lets you in.

You run to the place where you knew Billie was and finally see the dark blue door, which had a transparent circle in the center that allowed you to look inside the cabin. With a sigh of relief for finally having found the correct location, you extend your right hand to open the door and enter the place, however, before you even enter, you decide to take a peek at the transparent circle, and that's when your world stops.

Wearing a pink mini skirt and a transparent black blouse, Marlena is sat on Billie's lap, apparently watching her do something on the computer.

Everything you ever believed in was shattered in a matter of moments. How could Billie have done this to you? While you were crying and brooding, was she with Marlena?

Tears well up in your eyes and you just can't move.

Suddenly, everything made sense. All the times she stood up for Marlena, all the times she canceled your date night to go out with Marlena, all the times she wouldn't let you take her cell phone. Everything makes sense now.

You wanted to scream, you wanted to go into the studio and break all the equipment. Pull Marlena by the hair and make her regret messing with your girl.

And Billie? You wanted to kill her. You wanted to kill her for deceiving you, you wanted to kill her for making you believe that you were the love of her life, you wanted to kill her for making you fall in love with her.

However, that's not what you do.

With a defeated sigh and stubborn tears that insist on falling from your eyes, you turn around and head towards your home.

On the way, you don't laugh at the bizarre Spider-Man on the subway, you just head towards your house.

When you arrive at your apartment, you realize that every corner of this place is haunted with pieces of Billie, and you decide that maybe it's time to move out.

Laying down on your bed, you snuggle into the comforters and cry for what seems like an eternity, until you hear a very familiar voice call you from the room.

"Hi, love, I'm sorry for everything, can we talk?"

Damn time you gave her the spare keys.

#fanfic #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #write #billie eilish #billie eilish x reader #billie eilish x you #billie eilish imagine #billie eilish x y/n #celebrity imagine

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mariacallous · 3 months

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If you’re baffled by Skibidi Toilet, you’re not alone.

The bizarre animated YouTube series centers on an alien invasion: a swarm of singing heads, all popping out of toilets, has descended on a Los Angeles–like metropolis and triggered a surreal, cartoonish, apocalyptic war. That’s a more direct and clear explanation than you’ll find in the actual videos, since they’re all almost completely wordless. There’s no language barrier, which is a major reason why the videos have been viewed hundreds of millions of times, becoming a global cultural phenomenon among Gen Z and Gen Alpha.

Surprisingly for something so popular, Skibidi Toilet has garnered a reputation for being incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t a fan. Its impenetrable nature has raised serious concerns around the world. Some call it a moral outrage, foreign propaganda meant to prey on vulnerable young minds, or even a disease. In a cultural climate where it’s harder and harder to understand trends and popularity, people are searching for an explanation for how singing toilets conquered the world. On the May 22 episode of The Late Show, Stephen Colbert punched up a joke about the Biden campaign using Skibidi Toilet to attract the youth vote, saying that if anyone didn’t get the gag, their grandchildren could explain it “and you still won’t understand.”

As random as the videos can seem, their success isn’t. Skibidi Toilet deftly combines modern storytelling trends with nostalgic internet humor in a way that magnifies the outwardly confusing qualities of both. “It was initially appealing to young people for its utter weirdness,” says danah boyd, a partner researcher at Microsoft Research. “Parents (and many other adults) probably reacted with revulsion, as they’ve done many other times. That revulsion from adults makes it even more appealing to young people.”

That’s why the word “skibidi” has become a more general shibboleth for Gen Z and younger, in the same class as “rizz”, “gyat,” and “sigma.” Adults being shocked and confounded at kids having fun creates a feedback loop where kids want to make it even more distressing. The videos certainly have a lot of shock value, featuring surreal, disturbing, and violent imagery. In an interview with Forbes in February, Alexey Gerasimov, who creates the videos and uploads them under the name “DaFuq!?Boom!,” described the videos as being inspired by his own recurring nightmares.

In that light, it can be easy to see why the global success has been met with an equally global panic. Last August, several writers and journalists in Malaysia and Indonesia warned parents about the dangers of a “Skibidi toilet syndrome” that would cause children to refuse to stop imitating the toilet’s songs and dances. Earlier this year, Robbie Collin wrote in the Telegraph that the videos were a sign YouTube needed more strictly enforced age limits.

Other sources are going even farther, calling the surreal meme videos a threat to national security. In February, reporter Olga Sosnina claimed in a Swedish news outlet that Skibidi Toilet was Russian propaganda aimed at indoctrinating children. Russia was just as worried: In January, Moscow officials were called to investigate the videos. In April, Anna Mityanina, St. Petersburg’s Commissioner for Children’s Rights, played the videos to the city’s legislative assembly as part of an annual report on risks to children. “There is no need to pretend that there are no standards of decency,” Mityanina said. “A character in the form of a toilet, to put it mildly, is not cultured enough.”

For all of the worry, there isn’t much to be concerned about within the Skibidi Toilet videos themselves. “I see these media as reflective of our societal obsessions,” says boyd. “As always, young people twist it slightly in a way that makes adults uncomfortable because they don’t want to reckon with their own passions.”

The videos, as uncanny as they can get, don’t contain anything particularly unsuitable for children. The violence is unrelenting and large in scope, but never goes beyond cartoonish explosions and punches. Characters who appear to be killed or turned to the villain’s side regularly return to fight alongside the heroes. The largely wordless storytelling, of course, puts a limit on mature themes. Ultimately, the most “indecent” element of the videos is the toilets themselves, which will always be a hit with the younger generation.

That’s not the only area where Skibidi Toilet follows a long tradition. Gerasimov (who didn’t respond to multiple requests for comment) animates the videos using the Source Filmmaker program, but he’s modified the animation interface to emulate the 2006 game Garry’s Mod. Garry’s Mod, true to its name, was initially a fanmade modification of the game Half-Life 2 that removed any structure or objective, leading to a purely creative sandbox years before Minecraft’s Creative Mode. The game was used to create thousands of machinima videos throughout the late 2000s, and Gerasimov calls these videos a primary inspiration for Skibidi Toilet.

Maddy Buxton, the head of YouTube’s culture and trends team, says this is a major factor in the videos’ success. “One thing we know about Gen Z viewers and creators is they’re interested in nostalgia. It’s hearkening back to this earlier time, even if they didn’t grow up in it themselves,” Buxton says. Skibidi Toilet was one of the top trending topics last year on YouTube, where at one point it garnered 2.8 billion views in 28 days.

Nostalgia and scatological humor can be eye-catching, but to build up the kind of sustained interest and devotion Gerasimov has, there needs to be a story in its own right. The narrative of Skibidi Toilet isn’t communicated directly, but that only adds to its intrigue for many viewers, especially younger ones who are used to having to put in extra work to get the full picture. “We’ve been looking into the role of lore in building these big fan communities,” says Buxton. “The ones that aren’t just passively watching, but digging into the backstory.”

That digging is so popular that it’s transcending traditional structures of fandom. There’s no shortage of ways to be a fan of something online, but Skibidi Toilet’s audience has spent most, if not all, of their lives on the internet, and their work comes out in extremely online forms. Acolytes flood YouTube with breakdown videos and expand on the worldbuilding with Roblox games. Then there’s the comment-section fiction: Wherever the videos are posted, the comments are filled with dozens or hundreds of people providing their own written narratives retelling the events of the video, filling the gap left by the storytelling with their own words. It’s a cross between a liveblogged reaction and fan fiction, creating lore where none existed.

The idea of lore is now fundamental to the way many people consume any fiction, but it started in the world of video games, especially games like Dark Souls that have virtually no direct storytelling. There are hundreds of unofficial Skibidi Toilet games that let players take part in the battles, but the videos themselves invite a similar degree of participation.

“People are coming at it from different entry points,” says Buxton. “Some people are coming in from the gaming world, some are coming just for the action storytelling, some like to unpack lore.” She describes these unusual fan works as “casual creation,” saying that “this idea of being a daily creator makes it much easier to be an active fan than it was five, 10, 15 years ago. Now you can engage in the subject of your fandom by creating it online.”

Of course, Skibidi Toilet itself could be categorized as a fan creation, containing numerous echoes of Garry’s Mod and the Half-Life games. Like many recent works that emerge online, from streetwear trends to unauthorized TikTok musicals, Skibidi Toilet blurs the line between fan work and original work. “Lots of the kids who got into Skibidi Toilet don’t know anything about where these characters and assets are sourced from,” says Phillip Hamilton, an associate editor at Know Your Meme.

Beyond the actual content of the videos, their release schedule is also a factor. “Skibidi Toilet is huge with people (namely kids) who always want more,” says Hamilton. “Each episode is about a minute long and they blast by so fast, with episodes coming out super frequently.”

During the first wave of the videos’ popularity in mid-2023, Gerasimov was uploading at least two videos each week for months, sometimes uploading a video every single day. Social media algorithms have prioritized more frequent uploaders for years, and Gerasimov had been animating in Source Filmmaker for more than a decade, giving him enough experience to crank out the videos fast enough to satisfy YouTube’s algorithm.

This isn’t the first time the algorithm has popularized content that adults find inappropriate for children. In 2017, YouTube faced a public outcry when it was found that the platform was promoting hundreds of disturbing videos, and allowing them to be viewed on its family-friendly YouTube Kids app. The controversy would be known as “Elsagate,” since the offending videos featured popular children’s characters like Elsa, Spider-Man, and Peppa Pig undergoing gory medical procedures, getting kidnapped, and more.

These videos were transparent attempts to game YouTube’s recommendation system for ad revenue. Many of them had hundreds of seemingly inauthentic comments to boost engagement metrics, and a report by the New York Times found one prominent channel was creating videos with a team of roughly 100 people.

YouTube made changes to its algorithm to disincentivize scammers from making these videos. They can’t do the same to flush away Skibidi Toilet, because it wasn’t made to satisfy the algorithm in the same way. It’s a much smaller operation, made with genuine craft and artistic intention. Gerasimov made the videos longer and more ambitious as the series grew in popularity, but that growth happened thanks to people actually enjoying the series, not for associations with popular characters.

Nonetheless, they’ve become even more of a hit among the younger generation, and for parents, this seems to be the real underlying fear. “I think Skibidi Toilet’s ‘negative effects’ on kids are mostly just the obsessive, seemingly addictive aspect,” says Hamilton. “It’s the same reason parents worry about short-form video platforms like TikTok.” The videos took off at the perfect time—after the Covid-19 pandemic accelerated a general shift away from in-person social interaction—for their weirdness to feed into paranoia about what a screen-mediated life might be doing to impressionable young minds.

When it comes to children’s browsing habits, there are many scarier things they might find online than Skibidi Toilet. As strange as the videos are, they wouldn’t do very well as propaganda or even advertising. There’s no agenda, for good or ill, besides the entertainment value. In the Washington Post, Taylor Lorenz compared Skibidi Toilet to “harmless entertainment” like Cocomelon and other children’s videos. Not everyone is happy about the popularity of Cocomelon, but that popularity hasn’t caused the same kind of panic.

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flurrysahin · 3 months

Text

writeblr intro!

about me

Hi there, I'm Florence (or Flor for short)! I'm a tech person by day, an artist by night, and a writer everywhere in between!

I set up this blog because I want to document my writing process whilst also being able to connect to fellow writers and get into a community! Since I'm new here and don't know anyone I'll give a follow to everyone who interacts with this post! ✧

writing

culturally/ethnically diverse characters

mostly contemporary about topics such as grief, identity, mental health - even though I am working on my first post-apocalyptic project rn

I would love to write more angst which I'm practicing atm

I keep it pretty PG (even though I like reading non-PG stuff I don't feel comfortable writing it myself)

there's always a little bit of romance lingering I guess but it's never the main story

WIPs

SUNFLOWER KILL

action / slife of life idk

Hitwoman of Turkish descent living in London visits her grandmother in Turkey over the summer, whose reality is completely different to hers

mood: funny, hopeful, exciting (hopefully)

SOMEWHERE BETTER

dystopian / post-apocalyptic duology

set in 2067 on a dirty sad earth (think a mix of Fallout wastelands and the earth depicted in Idiocracy)

the plague has taken over the world causing humanity to escape to mars colonies

native American / Mediterranean (I don't touch on cultural / traditional themes though as I am not native American myself, it wouldn't be authentic and I don't want to be accidentally insensitive) female main character with hearing aid (yeahhh!)

south American male side character who used to work at the colonization corporation and is now on the run

finished

road trip novel featuring a young woman of greek descent

Good Company | Novel [available here] (release date 24.07.2024)

True-Crime fan Sofia is still mourning the loss of her grandfather when she unexpectedly comes across his legacy in the form of a forgotten movie script. One thing leads to another and Sofia soon finds herself on a turbulent road trip along the West Coast, where she not only encounters weird strangers, bizarre delicacies, and odd museums but also has to prove herself as a getaway driver. Their destination is Los Angeles, where Sofia hopes to find not only answers but also traces of her grandfather and maybe even a piece of herself …

fun facts

I have four cats! (yes, four)

I love true-crime podcasts and forensic files (who doesn't?)

I'm vegan

I'm also an artist over ✧ here ✧

#writeblr intro #writing community #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writers of tumblr #writer community #writer stuff

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morganbritton132 · 2 years

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I’m a big fan of Eddie showing screenshots of text conversations where the bit of the previous conversation that you can see is wildly bizarre.

He posts a screenshot of a text when he’s in Los Angeles for his show. He says, “About to soundcheck. Love you if I don’t get to talk to you later.”

Steve texts back, “Love you too.”

Followed by, “Get me Margot Robbie’s autograph or don’t come home.”

Because there’s a rumor that she might be at the show tonight. Eddie doesn’t mention that in his video though. He’s just like, “Look at this loving man I’m married too.”

Meanwhile the previous conversation is literally Eddie texting, ‘Made it to the hotel. Show me that dick” and being left on read.

#it was like two pm and Steve read that text in the middle of class #eddie munson tiktok saga #steve harrington #eddie munson

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merrybloomwrites · 6 months

Text

You Can Start a Family (Extra: First Earthquake)

Summary: Y/N experiences an earthquake for the first time. She and Harry have a bizarre serendipitous moment.

AN: I felt an earthquake for the first time yesterday and it inspired me to finally write this silly story that's been in my mind for nearly a year.

Previous Chapters:

Main Story: One ; Two ; Three ; Four ; Five ; Six ; Seven ; Eight ; Nine ; Ten

Sickfic Part 1 ; Part 2

Mitchrry Prequel

Fan Reactions

Holiday Blues

Mitchryy Reunion

Getting High

Word Count: 1.1K

CW: earthquake, injury, blood, vomit

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When you moved to Los Angeles to live full time with Harry, Mitch, and Sarah, you had a million questions. One thing you were almost embarrassed to ask about was earthquakes. Luckily, none of them laughed about your concern. They’d all experienced a few themselves. While most were small, they can each remember at least once or twice that they’d been genuinely worried during a fairly large quake.

So, they listened to your worries, told you what to expect, and shared what they’ve been told to do in order to stay safe.

A few months in, there’s a mild earthquake. The doors rattle, the mirrors and art on the wall shake, but no damage is done, and it only lasts a few seconds. You report to your friends back home that you finally experienced one.

But now is the first time you truly get shaken around. Harry, Mitch, and Sarah are all in the basement studio working together on new music. You’re upstairs in your little home office answering some emails.

You’re sitting at your desk in the corner of the room when everything starts to rattle. It’s small at first, but quickly you know this is much bigger than last time. Immediately you think of what you’ve been told to do in this situation.

The number one piece of advice you remember is to get under a desk or table. Your glass desk, however, doesn’t seem like the best choice.

There’s a sturdy coffee table in the middle of the room and you start to make your way over to it, stumbling due to the floor shaking beneath you. Suddenly, something slams into the back of your head, but adrenaline keeps you moving forward. You finally dive under the table and ride out the end of the earthquake.

Moments after the shaking subsides, you hear three sets of footsteps running up the stairs. Mitch bursts into the room first, Sarah and Harry right behind him.

“Love, are you okay?” Sarah asks as she helps you out from under the table.

“Yea, I just think something hit my head,” you reply and glance around the room. On the floor is a large decorative vase that normally stands in a recessed shelf on the wall. You point to it and say, “That. I’m fairly certain that hit the back of my head.”

“Let me see,” Harry says, his hand going to your hair. You hiss in pain, and he pulls back. “Shit,�� he quietly breathes out, and you all look at him. His fingertips are red and wet. Blood. Shit is right. You’re definitely bleeding.

“How do you feel?” Sarah asks.

The adrenaline is wearing off, and that, mixed with seeing physical evidence that you’re injured, has the pain finally setting in.

“My head’s starting to hurt,” you reply. “And I feel a little bit dizzy.”

“You need to go to the hospital,” Mitch says. “C’mon, I’ll drive.”

Harry helps you stay steady all the way out to the car. You assure everyone you’re fine, it’s just a scratch and a headache, but the three of them don’t listen. They rush out of the house, stopping only to grab shoes and a towel to hold over the wound. Mitch drives, Sarah is in the passenger seat, and Harry is in the back next to you, keeping pressure on the cut.

On the drive over you start to feel nauseous. It’s manageable at first, but steadily gets worse. There’s nothing in the car to be sick into, and you ask Mitch to pull over. You guys are literally on the freeway, and you can tell Mitch isn’t comfortable with stopping there, but then he sees the panic on your face and does as you’ve asked. He finds a safe spot and pulls onto the shoulder.

The second the car is in park you open your door and lean out, throwing up on the side of the road. It’s not a fun feeling, but you do feel a bit better once you’re done. You get back in the car and roll the windows down, hoping fresh air will help.

Just before driving off, you look out the window, and something you see just ahead has you laughing.

“What’s happening right now, why are you laughing?” Sarah asks. You look at the concerned faces of your girlfriend and boyfriends and say, “Please look at where we are right now,” while you continue to laugh.

You can tell when they all see it. Because they join in laughing. Just ahead is an iconic sign stating, “Harry Styles threw up here”.

“What are the fucking odds of that?” Mitch says in disbelief.

“Someday, someone’s going to ask us how me and Harry knew we were right for each other,” you say. “And I am absolutely going to tell this story. Because obviously we’re soul mates if we’ve both randomly thrown up on the exact same stretch of LA freeway.”

“Damn straight we are,” he says with a laugh. “But your head is still bleeding a bit so let’s get moving again.”

Mitch and Sarah immediately shift back into worried mode along with Harry, and you hold back a giggle at how protective they always are over you. Even if you feel they’re sometimes a bit too much, truthfully you love how well they take care of you.

Sarah goes into the hospital with you, hoping you’ll stay more under the radar than if Harry was inside. It’s pretty crazy in the emergency department, the earthquake causing a good number of minor injuries, but they move as efficiently as possible.

Sarah holds your hand as they use glue and your own hair to close the small laceration on your head. You’re fascinated to learn that there’s a technique to close head wounds using a patient’s own hair as sutures. But if the squeamish look on Sarah’s face is anything to go by, she doesn’t share this thought. Luckily you don’t have a concussion, and the dizziness and nausea were just from losing blood.

You’re relieved to finally get back home. It’s unsurprising that Harry, Sarah, and Mitch all dote on you for the remainder of the day.

Nearly a year and a half later another earthquake hits. This time all four of you are in the dining room, and you barely have a moment to process what’s happening before arms wrap around you and pull you under the table. Mitch holds you tight, Harry doing the same to Sarah next to you, and you make it out of this one with no injuries.

A couple weeks after that you do a podcast with Harry. Sure enough, the woman hosting asks about when you two knew you were meant to be. Harry sees your smirk and begins to laugh before you even start the story of your first earthquake experience.

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AN: Thanks for reading! Hope the science about earthquakes and hair apposition technique is right lol

Taglist: @akkatz @pandeebearstyles @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite@theekyliepage@numafarawayglxy @booberry019-blog @hillzrry@ssareidbby @gem1712 @acesofspadess@houseofdilfs@shaquille-0atmeal-1@kissitnhekitchen @amateurduck @poguestyleskye@n0vaj3an@snwells@drunk-teens-doing-drugs ; @fdl305@creativelyeva@daphnesutton@selluequestrian@lovingfurypanda @stardream14 @tbsloneely@eversincehs1@boomitsallie1@rose-garden-dreamz@fictionalmensblog@buckybarnessimpp

#harry styles x reader #mitch rowland x harry styles #mitch rowland x reader #mitch rowland x sarah jones x reader #sarah jones x reader #sarah jones x mitch rowland x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you

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rock-and-roll-hell · 6 months

Text

March 31, 1974

KIϟϟ Tour

Forest Park ‐ St. Louis, Missouri

“People were everywhere. Of the 105,000 people at the park Sunday, which incidentally was the biggest recorded crowd ever at Forest Park at one time… By 3 o'clock, the crowd was ready for music. A local group called the Thirteenth Floor played various popular songs including several by The Steve Miller Band and Santana. They were followed by KIϟϟ, who was described by KSHE radio as being the top group in Los Angeles. KIϟϟ smacked the audience with hard rock and bizarre costumes. The group was dressed mainly in black, although the bass guitarist brightened up his outfit with knee high silver platform boots. The members of the group had also painted their faces with white makeup and encircled their eyes with various designs ranging from bats to golden stars” (UMSL Current, 4/4/74).

Strong winds in the afternoon explain why, in some of the circulating photos from the event, it appears the precariously stacked backline amps are being held up by the roadies

The band's appearance was plagued by technical issues with the generators provided being deemed insufficient for the show and no hydraulics being available for Peter's drum kit riser. JR Smalling was nearly unwilling for the band to perform, but in the end they went on in daylight faced with the ultimatum from the promoter, "Play or go home." Rush performed at the event the following year.

#Kisstory #1974 #kiss #kiss band #kiss army #Ace Frehley #paul stanley #peter criss #gene simmons #the spaceman #the starchild #the catman #the demon

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pleasantlyinsincere · 1 year

Text

John and Julian (and Cyn) through the '70s

Last edited on 8 October 2023. All edits listed at the end. Text in between [ ] are my thoughts.

Since John and Yoko had moved into Tittenhurst in August '69 Julian often spend weekends with them there.

"And then I'd live for the weekends I spent with my dad and his new love Yoko at Ascot. My feeling toward their relationship was helped by the way I was treated. I was given incredibly expansive toys to play with and there was always something happening." Julian, 1982

Cynthia describes that she was relieved that Julian got on reasonably well with Yoko, but she was concerned by some of the more bizarre stories of what was going on at Tittenhurst park.

"One of the hardest aspects of letting Julian visit John was accepting that Yoko would presumably look after him when he was there. I didn't know what he would make of her cool manner. But in fact he seemed fine with it, and perhaps it was better for him to have a rather distant step-mother than one who was all over him. He never told me that she was unkind in any way, which was a relief. After that first weekend Peter rang regularly to arrange visits for Julian. Much to my amusement Julian had started to call Yoko Hokey-Cokey." Cynthia Lennon: John, p.314

Photos of Julian at Tittenhurst in 31 January 1970. [John and Yoko only returned from Denmark January 27th, so Julian came to see them the first weekend back.]

Rest of the timeline including pics, quotes and audio behind the cut because it got ridiculously long.

23 February 1970

An article is published in the Evening Post talking about Julian and Kyoko. It mentions that in 1969 there were four months that father and son didn't get to see each other and also spent Christmas apart.

Some quotes from John:

"Julian, last time I saw him, was a bit too protected, like all kids are. It took him two weeks to unwind, when he was last with us." "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing." Link to article

March 1970

Over the New Year John and Yoko had spent some weeks in Denmark with Tony Cox, his new partner and Kyoko. That arrangement had worked quite well and it seems it motivated John and Yoko to try to get closer with Cynthia and Roberto also. It seems in the end not much came of these good intentions.

Up until now, when Julian came to spend the weekend at Tittenhurst Park, it was Les Anthony who shuttled him back and forth between his parents. However, shortly after their return from Denmark, John and Yoko made a conscious effort to spend time with Julian, Cynthia and her fiancé Roberto Bassanini. John later remarked: "All five of us ate together and we saw to it that the children see us all together. Maybe six of us will go on vacation with Kyoko. Julian, Cyn and Roberto, so that everyone feels secure. That's very important. In order to have peace, it's necessary to start inside the family." Lennonology, source L'Express [3/23/70]

Instead John and Yoko left for LA 23 April 1970 to undergo Primal Scream therapy with Janov. They stayed for almost five months in the US and returned to England 15 September 1970.

June 7th, 1970

While John and Yoko are in LA doing their therapy with Janov. One of the topics discussed was John's troubled relationship with his son.

The meeting, which Vivian Janov describes as 'a very strong emotional day for him,' had taken place in April, and John was making an effort to maintain communication with his son. From Los Angeles, John posted a card to Julian today: 'I'm sorry I haven't called or written much. I've been a little sick. We miss you a lot, and send you our love... won't be long till I see you'. Lennonology

After the return from the US in September Julian continued to regularly visit Tittenhurst. During those visits he usually played a lot with Les Anthonys four stepchildren, who at the time were also living on the estate.

"Once Dad had a little white shed built on an island in the middle of a lake on the grounds of the house. He had bought these little white amphi-cars that sped across the lake. The three of us all dressed in white to spend the day there. Crazy, but wonderful."Julian, 1982

In this interview Julian describes going over to Tittenhurst just to be an idiot with his dad but also how scary the big house and his bedroom situation could be to him at night.

[The floorplan of Tittenhurst (LINK) actually shows Julian's room just across the hallway from John and Yoko's room but half a stairway down. There's not really a closer bedroom and he may have been put there, so that he has his own bathroom. It being so far away, small (somewhere he or Cynthia call the room a closet) and scary are after all the memories from a child's point of view.]

For the most part the visitation arrangements seemed to have continued in 1971. In the summer, when John and Yoko were filming for the imagine documentary, Julian can be seen roaming the property with his friends.

Saturday, July 17th, 1971 With the cameras rolling, John and Yoko roamed the Tittenhurst Park grounds in a golf cart with Jill Johnston. As promised, Blue Pools delivered the new lake house, and the Lennons spotted location. More footage was taken of the house under construction, the Lennons and Johnston rowing on the lake, and Julian and the neighbor children reading excerpts from Grapefruit on camera and running amok in the fields. Lennonology

Lennonology

Julian Lennon: Tittenhurst was this enormous palace-like place with 99 acres, golf-cart buggies, a lake, a little island in the middle of the lake. It was like a house of fun. It was wonderful. I loved the place.

LINK to a longer version of the quote but in German. Not adding much just both John and Julian sharing a mutual love for Dr. Pepper at the time, playing the mellotron and the children daring each other to enter a 'haunted' building on the property.

It's also at Tittenhurst that Julian meets May Pang, who had started working for John and Yoko as an assistant through ABKCO in NY and had come to England as a messenger to bring film rolls.

"There were a lot of great moments at Tittenhurst that I do fondly remember, you know, giggling and laughing with Dad. And, as they say, shooting the shit. But it was difficult to know, you think, 'OK, well, is this going to stay? Is this what it's going to be, now? Can I count on this? Can I be here next weekend or the weekend after? Is that going to happen?' That was one of the, obviously, the hardest pill to swallow, was the constant change. You know, you thought things were going to settle down, but they just never quite did." Julian, 2018

"I lived an ideal life between then [Cyn and Roberto] and John and Yoko, but it all ended when Cynthia's marriage broke up and Dad and Yoko moved to the States." Julian, 1982

The big cut happens when on August 12th 1971 John and Yoko leave for NY and take up residence in the St. Regis Hotel.

At first their plan was to search for Kyoko, so that she too could come for visits at Tittenhurst like Julian. In September John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavett show and briefly talked about their wish that both their children could be with them.

youtube

Maybe a Christmas present:

Christie's auction

[In her Lost Weekend doc, May talks about Julian calling and Yoko not allowing her to put the call through to John. She says at that point they hadn't spoken for a couple of years. Then a few weeks later she is in the audience for George Harrison's appearance on Dick Cavett. The show is aired in November '71, so if there is anything to her anecdote she may mean they hadn't seen each other for two months instead of two years.]

26 May '72

"Lennon admits that he is scared to say too much publicly about the case, because it was the initial publicity that had spurred Cox to vanish. He talks about how hard it is for Ono to see pictures of her daughter: I have to hide them. Asked about his own son, Julian, he says: I don't have that 'where the hell is he?' bit. But he reveals that when they were in England, and Julian visited them every weekend, it was difficult for Ono to be with him when her own daughter wasn't there: It was killing her." source

28 May '72

Cynthia quoted in a Sunday paper: "John hasn't seen Julian since he went to America. It is rather a long time. He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now. He does write to Julian, just normal letters, asking how he is getting on at school and things like that. And he sends him presents. He sent him a toy truck at Christmas. I don't keep in touch with John anymore. It's purely through Julian that we keep in contact. Julian loves his father. He follows his career in the newspapers. He goes to a private boys' school where people don't bother who he is. He went to a state school but he had problems there."

14 June '72

Cyn's complaints are repeated in the LA times, where it said that John hadn't seen Julian in eight months. "He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now."

On 22 September '73 John and May leave for LA and only a few days later on 2 October '73 it is reported in the newspaper that Cyn separated from Roberto Bassanini.

Cynthia gave some interviews on her recent separation and the fact that she and Julian moved back to Hoylake, where Julian goes to private school.

"Unhappily Julian misses his father, which is only natural. We only hear from John at Christmas and when the birthdays come around." 7 October '73, Sunday Mirror

"Julian is always asking after him but of course John is in America now. It's been hard for him not seeing John for several years. This sort of thing is naturally upsetting for a child." 7 October '73, Sunday People

According to May's book, while John had broken up with her, she went to the Dakota to be with Yoko. Yoko there told her that she had decided it was time for Julian to come for a visit and May should at least reunite with John for that period to help him with it. May agreed to go back to John for two weeks, but it ends up being more like a year.

Christmas gift '73

To Julian from Daddy Christmas 1973

[Julian has sold an NFT of the black guitar. LINK ]

Shortly after Christmas '73 Julian and Cyn travel to LA to spend his school holidays with his father. They stay at least until the Happy Days taping they visit together on 5 February '74.

During the over a month long visit May writes, that they went to Disneyland three times and had brunch together the first morning. Meanwhile John is still having some wild times. Since Julian is staying with Cynthia, he goes out with May. The Kotex incident and nearly killing Jesse Ed Davis happen at the same time of this visit. May also places Cynthia asking John to have another child together during this trip.

As the visit ends May makes John promise to call Julian regularly.

"It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee." He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, "I really would like to keep in touch with me son." May Pang, Loving John p.168

Julian too, took a lot of positive out of the meetings around this time.

"Mum and I flew out to the States and stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At least Mum did, I spend every minute of every day with my Dad and Yoko. " Julian, 1982

In later recollections Julian correctly puts the first visit in the time-frame that John was with May.

“Dad and I got on a great deal better than,” recalls Julian. “We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a great time in general when he was with May Pang.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang: Loving John. About this visit and how it was set up.

In April 74 Julian sends a Thank you tape to John and Yoko for his birthday gift. Even though John is with May at this time, the present it seems was sent from the married couple.

The present in question according to Julian was a guitar, decorated with a mirror, writing and other stuff:

John writes to Cyn 22 June '74 a typed letter asking about Julian's holiday plans. Interestingly as the return address he gives the Dakota. He wants to send May to bring Julian.

19/20-25 July 1974 Instead of being collected by May, Julian sails with Elton John, Tony King, and Cyn per boat from Southampton to New York.

[In her book Cynthia wrongly remembers this as her first visit with John in the US. She also claims this visit was completely her initiative, which as proven by the letter wasn't the case. The whole anecdote is interesting however because she says that it was never the plan to stay with Julian, John and May but stay in NY with Jenny Boyd. Jenny apparently wasn't told about that plan, because in the end she wasn't there to home Cynthia. (May on the other hand remembers that Cynthia was staying with friends but they left without her and she was lonely, so she ended up coming with them.) In the end (and to John probably rightly or wrongly suspiciously) what was planned as just a trip for Julian with his dad turned into Cynthia coming along most of the time.]

Cynthia'a account about how this meeting was set-up and why she was with them during the trip.

Tony King in The Tastemaker simply writes: “John Lennon wanted to see his son, so I took Julian and John’s ex-wife Cynthia along with me.”

August 6th '74

John, May, Cyn and Julian return to LA for John to record Goodnight Vienna with Ringo.

In the summer while working on Walls and Bridges Julian visits the studio. He records Ya Ya with his dad.

Little interview bit with Julian about being in the studio.

August 19th, 1974

John and May take a trip to Denver. Instead of coming with them Julian stays with Cyn in LA.

When the whole vacation is coming to a close, it is decided that Julian should come for another visit for Christmas. John is clear that he wants him to come alone.

Both May Pang and Cynthia wrote about this visit in their memoirs. [Cynthia is clearly mixing up and merging the first and second trip together in her recollection of it.]

Cynthia's account.

May's account.

December 19th, 1974

Julian, accompanied by Apple staffer Steve Brendell, arrived in NY on this day for Christmas with John and May. Mimi was also invited but declined to come.

While they were in NY Yoko also came by because she wanted to greet Julian.

John, May and Julian flew to Florida on December 22. Lennon said he accepted Levy's Florida invitation "because I was so worn out anyway" from back-to-back studio projects "that I didn't know what to do with my son Julian." John figured that at Disney World, "I could sort of sit in a room or something and Julian could play with Morris's kid." John's quotes are from his trial testimony Big Seven Music Corp, 75Civ, 1116; In Stan Soocher Baby You're a Rich Man, Suing the Beatles for Fun and Money

Until 29 December they spent time in Palm Beach and later returned to Orlando (Disney World).

During this visit, Julian was helpful in influencing John and George making up and the thus the dissolution agreement of the Beatles coming along.

Julian remembers his Christmas visit with John and May fondly: “My memories of that time with Dad and May are very clear - they were the happiest time I can remember with them.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang in Loving John on this visit.

Cynthia writes about this visit in her book.

youtube

Video from May Pang's Lost Weekend documentary. [She says Long Island but I guess it's Palm Beach.]

In early February 1975 John moves back into the Dakota and resumes his marriage with Yoko.

John gives an interview to SPIN magazine in early spring 1975. In it he is asked about his private life, his recent return to Yoko, what his relationship with May is like now, and also about Julian:

How about you as a father? How old is your son [Julian] now? He is 11 now. All I know is that you took him to Disneyworld … right? Yeah, that was hell. Disneyland was better, the first time, in L.A., I took him there. Because I went with a gang, and there were a few of us who were flying a little. But Disneyworld — I was there on the most crowded day of the year, around Christmas or something. Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, “What are we gonna do?” and all that crap. It doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s around. Cause I don’t see him that often. How is it for an 11-year-old boy to have John Lennon as a father? It must be hell. Does he talk about that to you? No, because he is a Beatle fan. I mean, what do you expect?? I think he likes Paul better than me … I have the funny feeling he wishes Paul was his dad. But unfortunately he got me … It must be hard to be son of anybody. He is a bright kid and he’s into music. I didn’t encourage him, but he’s already got a band in school. But they sing rock’n’roll songs, ’cause their teacher is my age. So he teaches them “Long Tall Sally” and a couple of Beatles numbers. He likes Barry White and he likes Gilbert O’ Sullivan. He likes Queen, though I haven’t heard them yet. He turns me on to music. I call him and he says, “Have you heard Queen?” and I say “No, what is it?” I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen the guy … the one who looks like Hitler playing a piano … Sparks? I’ve seen Sparks on American TV. So I call him and say, “Have you seen Sparks? Hitler on the piano?” and he says, “No. They are alright. But have you seen Queen?” and I say “What’s Queen?” and then he tells me. His age group is hipper to music … at 11 I was aware of music, but not too much.

Link to the SPIN interview

March 11th 1975

John is interviewed by Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. He sends greetings to Julian, Mimi and the rest of his family in England.

unknown

30 July 1975

About Julian ... I'm lucky if I see/hear from him myself. She allowed him over here twice last year ... but insisted on coming herself! You can imagine how thrilling that was ... she thought she could walk back in coz I wasn't with yoko!! Now we're back together again she stops him phoning me ... which he did a lot last year ... once a week. He's a bright little boy ... a bit 'sneaky' like his dad ... but he's gonna need that to survive his mother! Our relationship is pretty good --- he knows where I am and what my life is like ... he thinks of me a litlle too much in terms of 'money' etc ... which is what cyn and her mother (so called) have taught him (by example). He will run right to me when he's older ... we all run somewhere ... so I can wait. I got him well hooked on America ... which isan extraordinary place to say the least ... more on that in other letters perhaps. Oh yes the baby is due in November! Conceived feb 6. I tried to send Julia to see julian ... she was given the cold shoulder. When I get to England I'll show you them both. I would love to see yours. Letter to Leila, John Lennon Letters edited by Hunter Davies

After only five months being back with Yoko, communication with Julian has become more sporadic again. To his cousin Leila John complains that it's Cynthia keeping Julian from calling and about her tagging along the previous year. He also claims that he sent Julia to check in on Julian.

Julia Baird in a '83 interview confirms John's claim to Leila, that he hadn't heard from Julian and sent his little sister to check up on him.

"He kept asking in letters and on the phone, 'Please will you go and see Julian? Will you go and see Julian? Will you go see and see Julian? I haven't heard from Julian. His mother's got a cob on. Can you please go and see what's going on?' [...] Anyway eventually Aaron persuaded me that I should go. He was the one that when we got another letter asking, 'Have you been to see Julian yet?', he said, 'Look, he's never asked you to do anything. I think you should go.' [...] We went and John had given us the address, I didn't know where it was. And she seemed very embarrassed to see me. In fact so much so, that I backed off. I just said, 'Is Julian there, please? I'd like to see him.' And she said, 'No, he's gone out.' And I just said, 'Well goodbye, then.' It was very odd, very bizarre."

In her memoir Cyn doesn't mention John sending family to check on them but has an opposing recollection of who was unreachable:

"Initially he did: he phoned Julian as before, every few weeks. But the calls became less frequent, and all too often when Julian tried to phone John he couldn't get through. Yoko, or one of their employees, would tell him that John was sleeping or busy. Discouraged, Julian would wait weeks before trying again. " Cynthia Lennon, John p. 346

1 May '76

Cyn marries John Twist. John and Yoko send a telegram: "Congratulations, good luck, God bless the three of you, John and Yoko.”

According to Cynthia a few weeks later John calls her to invite Julian over for a visit during the school holidays to meet his brother. Yoko and John take the children for a holiday to Long Island. Cynthia also writes that Julian was mugged during his stay in NY, when John told him to go out by himself to buy a harmonica he wanted.

Photos of Julian with John and Yoko in summer 1976.

The only other person I have read mention the '76 visit is John Green in Dakota Days.

As the apartment at the Dakota grew more crowded, John retreated to the quieter and more spacious southern shore of Long Island. He took Sean with him and brought Julian over from Britain. Yoko kept him posted with a barrage of phone calls. "How goes the war, Charles?" he chimed into the receiver. "No casualties so far. How goes the peace?" "Great. It's absolutely beautiful. I've got a bit of sea and a bit of green and my sons, and even once in a while I even have my wife. You should come out here and get some of this. It's delightful." Dakota Days, p.97

[Aside from Cynthia's and Green's brief mentions of the trip, there is very little information on this NY visit. Even Robert Rosen, who supposedly read John's diaries multiple times, has nothing to say about this or the '77 visits. He even claims repeatedly that Julian and John first reunited in 1979 and hadn't seen each other for four years at that point.]

One of Julian's memories that most likely fits this visit:

Julian first played piano when he was thirteen, visiting his father and Yoko in Montauk, Long Island, after Sean, his half brother, was born. Their next-door neighbor had a piano, and Julian and his father went there one day. Lennon played a couple of tunes, then Julian asked, "Can I have a go?" Julian to Rolling Stone, 1985

Another one that Julian doesn't connect to a date but he remembers the new situation after his little brother was born:

[Yoko] was very loving towards me, even after their son Sean was born. Right at the beginning I felt a few pangs. They were there with their own son. Where did I fit in? But every time I went over Dad would lay on amazing treats, and Yoko was always loving towards me." Julian, 1982

In the same interview Julian also tells the story of his dad offering him a joint when he was about 12, so that might have also been the '76 visit, or the '74/'75 Christmas visit.

Cynthia claims she had trouble getting the money she was supposed to use for Julian's school. She asked John to split the trust fund, so that she can withdraw money from it easier. John agreed.

Cynthia publishes the letter in her book John and calls it "cautious, polite and to the point":

"I explained that, as he and Yoko were out of the country, it was impossibly difficult for me to get at Julian's money: 'Nothing can proceed without your signature - it means I'm forever overdrawn at the bank and have to wait on the convenience of your lawyers ... I want the best for Julian, and his standard of life shouldn't suffer because of lack of good management on your part, which has been happening since the fund was set up ... The money, instead of having doubled through good investment, is dwindling through lack of interest on your part ... It's just so important that this whole arrangement is sorted out without animosity or aggravation ... The way things are going Julian's financial prospects when he is 25 will be virtually nil and he is going to want to know why... It is one thing fighting for your rights but totally ridiculous fighting against your own son's interests, which is what seems to be happening.' "

[She says she ends the letter with thanking them for arranging the Concorde flight for Julian last summer. However according to wiki Concorde didn't fly to NYC until November 1977. (That years Christmas John and Yoko do indeed book a Concorde flight for Julian.) So I suspect that her supposed letter is specifically written for her book and not an actual document as the presentation suggests.]

In mid-October Cynthia gives an interview to Woman magazine that also got picked up in multiple newspapers. In it she talks about their relationship splitting after their first LSD trip, John getting upset with Julian when he couldn't eat with a knife, alleges that she was being followed by a private detective in Italy,...

A report on the article in the Burton Daily Mail from 19 October '76 also quotes Cynthia as saying:

"Since then their relationship has been beautiful," she says. "They talk a lot on the phone, there've been other visits and he's going again this year. I believe now that John is completely off all drugs, has been off them for years, otherwise I'd never let Julian go."

[He's going again this year indicates that there was another visit planned in 1976. If that happened or fell through, I haven't found anything about that.]

October 25th, 76

John sends Julian a postcard from Singapore. “What happened to ya?”

Even though the previous few months there was a visit and positive communication about the finances, Cynthia's decision to publicly complain in the papers angered John. He responded on November 26th 1976 with an open letter in the Daily Mail.

"Lennon tells first wife: Stop blaming Yoko," it read: "As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono. Your memory is impaired to say the least. Your version of our first LSD trips is rather vague. You seem to have forgotten subsequent trips altogether. You also seem to have forgotten that only two years ago, while I was separated from Yoko Ono, you suddenly brought Julian to see me in Los Angeles after three years of silence. During that visit you didn't allow me to be alone with him for one moment. You even asked me to remarry you and give you another child 'for Julian's sake.' I politely told you no and that anyway I was still in love with Yoko. Finally, I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your Beatle past, but if you are serious about it you should try to avoid talking to and posing for magazines and newspapers. We did have some good years so dwell on them for a change."

Cynthia answers to the press after this, saying she doesn't want them to throw mud at each other and repeated "All I want to do is forget the Beatles and enjoy my present life". Still, only a few months later in 1977 she starts to write A Twist of Lennon (allegedly gleefully on a typewriter Yoko had gifted Julian). In her later memoir John she writes she was persuaded to do it by her husband John Twist who believed it would make their fortune.

Julian is sent to boarding school for that time. [In her book John Cynthia explicitly remembers that she moved to Ireland to write. However newspaper reports from the time suggest that the move happened later. So, probably Julian wasn't boarding at this time but those months in '78.]

At the same time communication between John and Julian was happening regularly and according to his diaries he got excited by the idea of buying Julian a keyboard.

July 14th, 1977

December 25th 1977

Julian comes by Concorde to stay at the Dakota during his school holidays.

[At the time of Julian's visit John and Yoko were still helped by the FBI to deal with the kidnapping threat and extortion attempt that had been going on for weeks and scared them badly. Also, Tony Cox had made contact by phone and agreed that Kyoko could visit for these holidays but then disappeared again and John would never hear again from Kyoko. I don't know if Julian was told any of this but I assume it probably was one of the more tense christmases.]

Going by Giuliano because neither Cynthia nor Robert Rosen mention this trip by Julian at all, John was very excited about Julian coming getting up early and baking bread for him. Julian gets close to Nishi and thereby brings forth John's competitive streak. John tries out the parental philosophy of wanting to spend time with Julian instead of giving him material goods, Julian goes 'oh, really' and John caves in. When he leaves John draws a portrait of Julian. Source

[Since Robert Rosen, who also read the diaries, doesn't even know about the '76 or '77 visits (and Giuliano too thinks they saw each other last at Disney World), they may not be the source for the above. I thought it might have been from Dakota Days but it's not. John Green mentions the '77 Christmas visit but says the family were going to Florida to meet Julian there because of the security threats. I think Green is confusing this and a later visit, so I will insert his account of what John told him on returning there.]

Julian stays most of January. Goes to see the musical The Magic Show with Yoko and the band Riff-Raff with John.

In February of 1978 Cynthia and her husband sell their house and move away from Ruthin to Eire to avoid a 'wealth tax'. They leave Julian to be a boarder at his school. Cynthia and John Twist return in December, probably because they missed Julian.

April 1978

[It's not actually dated aside from being from 1978, I just assume the guitar was Julian's birthday gift.]

GIBSON Les Paul 25/50 guitar

"Dad gave me this special order rare model - it was always exciting to receive something like this from my dad. When I visited Dad we would sit down together and he would teach me a few chords and help me improve my technique." Julian in Beatles Memorabilia. The Julian Lennon Collection.

May 19th 1978

A conversation with Cyn and excerpts from her memoir A Twist of Lennon are published in News of the World.

John, Yoko and Sean are in Japan for their summer vacation. Through his London lawyers John tries to stop the publication of Cynthia's book as a serial in the News Of The World.

Tuesday, June 13th, 1978 Having been telephoned in Japan with the details of Cynthia's memoir excerpt in News Of The World, John instructed his solicitors to issue a High Court injunction in an effort to prevent the publication of a planned second installment. Frere Cholmeley & Co., Lennon's attorney in London, described the piece as 'a salacious and gribby little article,' although it was qualified with the statement: 'He does not deny that he held parties or took drugs, but he deplores the publication of intimate details of his married life.' Friday, June 16th, 1978 In the case of Lennon v. News Group Newspapers Ltd and Twist, Lord Denning rejected John's application for an injunction in London's High Court today, permitting the publication of more excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon. For his par, Denning was not impresses with John's argument that the article's publication was a breach of confidence of the marriage: 'I cannot see that either of these two parties have had much regard for the sanctity of marriage ... It seems to me as plain as can be that the relationship of these parties has ceases to be their own private affair. They themselves have put it into the public domain.' Sunday, June 18th, 1978 Having successfully defended the right to publish excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon, today's edition of News Of The World featured part two of their series: 'How Yoko stole my husband.' " Lennonology

When the book actually was released feelings turned out to be much softer than expected. Cyn ends her first memoir with the words :

I still feel very proud of the Beatles and their accomplishments. My life during that period was an education, an education I wouldn't have missed. It has left me feeling enriched, not embittered, enlightened not blinded. All I can think to conclude my story is to say, 'Thanks for the memories, and in the words of the I CHING, no blame.'"

After finishing reading his ex-wife's book, according to Robert Rosen, John was relieved and enjoyed the nostalgia. He said a prayer for Cyn: "Dear God, please show her The Way. Thank You. Thank You."

Postcard to Julian:

[I can't make out the date on the card. Julian's Beatles memorabilia book says it's from '71 but that's obviously wrong with Sean being included and Julian's Ruthin address on it. John makes the reference to being a farmer. They bought their farm in February 1978, so I put it that year. May be wrong though.]

March 21st 1979

Julian is supposed to join John, Sean and Yoko's visiting nieces in Palm Beach.

[John taking a photo of Julian in '79]

There are multiple, very different accounts for this visit, that includes Julian's 16th birthday celebration.

John bought Julian a motorcycle for his birthday.

At one point they went to Disney World, (which none of the accounts of the trip even mention), where this photo of Julian and Yoko's nieces was taken:

Accounts from:

Robert Rosen [Rosen writes that Dan Richter's children came for a visit. Correction: I said before that that because Dan wrote in his book that he never saw John again after 1974, it seemes unlikely to me that his kids would be sent out to John and Yoko five years later. However Dan Richter does confirm that in his interview on the Podcast Glass Onion: On John Lennon episode 16:

"My kids would go down, they had a place down in Palm Beach or whatever it was down in Florida. And they were there at Christmas and bring Julian and they would fly my kids down to play with Julian. And everybody, the sense we got was they were happy!"

This visit doesn't happen over Christmas but it sounds like he is talking about more than one occasion that happened and probably Christmas is one example. Could also mean that Rosen is mixing up the occasion for that anecdote.]

Cynthia Lennon

Fred Seaman

Geoffrey Giuliano

John Green [Green puts this actually to the '77 holiday visit, where he wrongly writes they went to Florida. I think (if his stories are to be believed at all) he confuses John's anger and disappointment upon return with this visit of Julian's. It also fits with being in Florida.]

[I recommend to read all of them. Lots of drama. I may one day make a comparison post between all the account because they are fascinatingly different.]

April 9th 1979

John writes to Mimi saying Julian would be welcome to live with them if he so chose but there had been no arrangements made.

Q: Did you ever plan to go and live with him [John] in New York? Julian: "When I was in my early teens we'd spoken on the phone about the possibility of me going to college over there. I think it was wishful thinking on both our parts because I felt uncomfortable about the situation and I believe he did, too." Hello! Magazine, 1995

April 25th 1979, Postcard to Julian from NY:

Julian declines to join his dad, Yoko and Sean for their family's yearly vacation in Japan.

[July 1979 In the context of getting one of his guitars Julian said that John bought him a Sony Walkman as a gift when they were brand-new. He puts around '73-'74. However according to wikipedia the Sony Walkman was first sold in July '79, so that present would have been sent to Julian around this time, maybe directly from Japan.]

December 1979

On 3rd-4th December there is a two part feature in the Daily Mail called "The Sons of the Beatles" on Julian and Zak.

"When I'm in New York, we go out quite a lot together round some of the art galleries, or to his house at Long Island. When we stay in we have musical jam sessions together singing out latest songs to each other. I still listen to Beatles music. Although I quite like some of my father's solo albums, I much prefer what he did with the Beatles." (quoted from Lennonology p. 508)

Also that month:

"More disturbing to John were the ongoing trials with Julian. The sullen teen continued to vex his father with his on-again, off-again plans to visit over Christmas. At first Julian said maybe, as long as they didn't go to Florida. Then it was a flat no, using school exams and a new girlfriend as an excuse. At the last minute he called saying he would come to New York only if he could bring a friend, but Yoko turned him down. As usual John didn't challenge her. Julian retaliated by sending his father a tabloid article about rock stars' sons, which focused on both him and Ringo's son Zak Starkey, and went into detail about the trials of being the offspring of a Beatle." Lennon in America by Giuliano p. 218

On the other hand John Green does write that Julian spent Christmas '79 with John, Yoko and Sean. He even says that Julian stayed until February. ("John stayed in the Palm Beach house until February, luxuriating in the sun and sea, forging new ties with Julian and delighting in rediscoveries of himself." p.229) [This can't be true however because John was definitely in NY for Christmas and New Years. John and Yoko did buy a house in Palm Beach late January however and were spotted there a few times in February. I can't find a mention of Julian being spotted with them, so it may or may not have happened. I do think between the two of them Giuliano's account is probably more accurate. The Daily Mail article he mentions of Zak and Julian had come out on 3 or 4 December, so that is also believable that it had come up in pre-christmas discussions. But of course it's possible that a visit happened anyway.]

1980

Julian called in February 1980 to set up another meeting with his dad. This time John denied him, surprisingly because he was worried about Julian's schooling. Through Cynthia he had learned that Julian was failing his O-levels, had started smoking, staying out at night drinking, had gotten in trouble with the police for setting up fires and racing through town on a dirt bike. "John just prayed that Julian didn't hurt himself." There is also continued conflict over money. John felt that Julian every time they spoke asked him for more money. "And though John continued to feel guilty about having abandoned Julian and Cynthia, he'd be damned if he was going to be like every other rich asshole father who'd abandoned his family and then used money as a poor substitute for love and companionship." source

In March 'A Twist of Lennon' gets its paperback release and new reviews are printed in the press.

Summer 1980

When John sat for a portrait painting with Sean for the artist Nancy Gosnell, he wondered if she could also do one of him and Julian from a photograph. He wanted to give him a father and son portrait for his birthday, according to Fred Seaman.

September 1980

PLAYBOY: "Your son, Julian, from your first marriage must be in his teens. Have you seen him over the years?" LENNON: "Well, Cyn got possession, or whatever you call it. I got rights to see him on his holidays and all that business, and at least there's an open line still going. It's not the best relationship between father and son, but it is there. He's 17 now. Julian and I will have a relationship in the future. Over the years, he's been able to see through the Beatle image and to see through the image that his mother will have given him, subconsciously or consciously. He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to." PLAYBOY: "You're being very honest about your feelings toward him to the point of saying that Sean is your first child. Are you concerned about hurting him?" LENNON: "I'm not going to lie to Julian. Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So 90 percent of us... that includes everybody... were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday-night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everybody else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me and he always will."

Playboy: I was under the impression that you still weren't seeing Julian much. Lennon: Well, no, he's comin' here over shortly now. I see him whenever he get's off school. Playboy: Has it been hard for him to be John Lennon's kid? Lennon: Yeah, he has his own... Everybody has a cross to bear, and Julian has that cross, and he'll deal with it. He's a clever boy, and as he gets older we can communicate and he'll understand.

[I wasn't sure what upcoming visit John is referring to since I couldn't find one mentioned anywhere. However there is an article in the Daily Mirror from 8 October 1980 including interview passages with Cynthia that mentions Julian currently being in New York. So without any photographic evidence, he isn't in any of the birthday photos, or anecdotes about it, there still might be the possibility that there was a (pre-)birthday visit from Julian to John and Sean in 1980. Julian himself hasn't been completely consistent on when he last saw his Dad. He has said that his '79 birthday visit was their last meeting (which I think is most likely correct), but he also claimed that he was flying out regularly.]

"According to Cynthia, Julian, now 18, plays guitar better than his father. He has left school and is off to New York to stay with his famous dad." Link to the article

In an interview with Jonathan Cott on 5 December John reflects more on the troubles of being a Beatle's son and on how mistakes in his decision for Julian's schooling changed his outlook on his plans for Sean. [Julian had been going to private school since at least 1973.]

"[...] because he can't possibly be an average child, being the son of famous parents. I tried that game with my son Julian, sending him to a comprehensive working-class school, mixing with the people, but the people spat and shit on him, because he was famous, as people are wont to do. So his mother had to finally turn around and tell me to piss off: 'I'm sending him to a private school, the kid is suffering here.' "

Cynthia writes that by the end of 1980 Julian felt a breakthrough in his and his father's relationship. John played Julian songs from his new album over the phone, asking his opinions. source

Julian himself reflects on his and his dad's relationship by the time of his death like this:

"I know that dad's presence will be around for a long time. He was always joking, always sounded happy, which made me think more of him as a friend than a dad. My earliest memory of my father was when I was about three and he sang happy birthday to me. We were living at Weybridge, Surrey, and dad threw a birthday party for me and brought in a long cake shaped like a train and festooned with candles." Sunday Mirror, 5 April 1981

As early as 1982 negative feelings would influence Julian's memory, saying he didn't get to see his father for five years, that he only heard on Birthdays and Christmas from him or that after the first US visit it was again years before he got to go another time, when it was merely months.

"The Beatles sang 'All You Need Is Love' - and that is all I wanted from Dad. It is difficult to explain why I should feel so strongly, when we shared so little. Never once in all the years he lived in America did he even think about coming to see me. Apart from rare visits, I lived from birthdays to Christmas just to hear from him." Julian, 1982

[Those false memories/presentations may have been the result of his beginning break from Yoko around that time and the conflicts about money, or maybe his memories just adapted to the way it was talked about in his family.]

"It was more of one man to another than the usual father and son relationship, because he had been away from me a lot, and he said he realized that. I was just getting through to him and growing up myself and growing out of the silly giggling I did as a young teenager that really annoyed him, when Dad was killed." Julian quoted in Ray Coleman's John bio, pp.620

"Dad was such an influence in my life, it must have been hard on Mum. She'd do her best with presents at birthdays and Christmas, but I always waited for that special present that was bigger than anything else - from him. Yet he never sent anything spontaneously. He'd phone up and ask what I wanted, and it would arrive. I don't think he was trying to buy me in any way. It was just a chance for him to do something for me. He knew I wanted to be a musician and kept telling me to take a long time to get it right. He removed a lot of the stress I suppose other kids might feel. I didn't do very well at school. I don't think I'm dense, but I suppose I'm a bit lazy. There's only one thing I want - to know for sure that Dad loved me as much as I loved him. Or maybe to have him back." Julian, 1982

Edits: 29 April - December 1974 John trial quote added; September 1980 Playboy interview quote added 6 May - added Julian quote about relationship to his father by the time of his death 7 May - added Old Grey Whistle Test clip March 11th 1975 18 May - added info about 3-4 December '79 Daily Mail feature on Julian and Zak, added all the info I could find on any visits in John Green's Dakota Days and multiple notes on to those mentions. 20 May - added Cyn's quote for 28 May 1972. 23 June - added the Tittenhurst floorplan and the link to an extended quote from Julian about being there in German 8 July - added quote from 5 Dec 1980 to Jonathan Cott 20 July - added Julia Baird audio on trying to see Julian for John 1975 22 July - added info on a possible 1980 visit, 1973 interviews, 1976 info, 1980's quote 30 July - Spin interview '75 added, Cynthia quote from Burton Daily Mail '76 added 1 August - added bits from Julian's 1982 article throughout, transcribed some of the jpg quotes, so that I may add more photos, some photos added 4 August - correction in my comments about the likelihood of Dan Richter's children being with them in 1979 19 August - Box of Smile 8 October - Added some postcards, the guitars, reset some photographs because of the picture limit 12 November - Added the video clip from May Pang's doc

#i was suddenly getting nervous that this will just disappear from my drafts. that would annoy me so much. so it get's posted NOW.#i will add stuff to it as i find it but that's how i always do timelines. fill them up over time. and this is already massive.#i just wanted to date one damn thing and this is what happened...#thoughts in progress #john lennon #julian lennon #Youtube

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stupidfuckingwindow · 10 months

Text

Rain // Driver

Tw: mentions of murder, overall self doubt from Driver and his paranoia.

Word count: 1.2k

Notes: premarital hand holding. Thanks @webbo0 and @uncleclam, you FREAKS

It's you again.

Back in his car, seat belt strapping your figure to the passenger's seat. You're tired, obviously. Restless and eyes threatening to flutter shut. Your breathing is much steadier and calmer than his is, chest rising and falling at a slow pace.

You're soothed by the gentle raindrops on the windshield and windows. The passing streetlights whose brightness is captured in the dew clinging to glass. Outside, the sky is a deep blue, contrasting with the passing lights that are colored orange. The car's tires make a soft hissing sound as they travel over the wet road and stray gravel or sand. Faint music from the radio is at it's lowest setting, so as not to disturb the peace between you and Driver. He doesn't recognize the song, and he doubts you do as well.

Whenever you're in his life, everything comes to a sudden halt. The deeply-rooted violent urges take a backseat in his ever paranoid mind, and his itch to bolt is gone. He often follows you around in an attempt to understand why, to study your capabilities and test if you're someone who'd be brave enough to attempt his life.

Driver isn't sure he'd even want to fight back. To try to hurt you at all seems like an offense to him, even at his own expense.

You'd look beautiful while you did it, straddling his hips or his ribcage to threaten him with a weapon to his throat. He'd not want to kill you, no. Driver wants to trace your features with his hammer, run his gloves over your jaw and neck, feel you out for himself. Study you and pick apart your mind like a scientist.

Driver would not leave Los Angeles if it were you trying to kill him, he supposes. He knows he could. The few things he owns are just enough to toss in a suitcase or the back of his car and go. Every part of him is attached to you, no matter how much he wants to argue against it. It's then, he wonders, if a man like he could love a person like you. If it's just passion he's after. Can Driver even love in the first place, is the question?

He wouldn't die for you. He'll kill for you, again and again, and again. There's no way you'll be put at risk if he pulls the plug on anything that tries.

His jaw tightens at the thought, fingers gripping and flexing around the steering wheel. His eyes switch between you and the road, between his driving and the way you're falling asleep in his car. He hears your breath, sees your chest move. Driver watches the way passing street lights illuminate your face and bathe it in a golden-orange color.

His attention is captured at the sound of the rain beginning to pick up speed against the roof of his car. He flicks on the windshield wipers, turns up the heater slightly. He forces himself to focus back on driving, to trust you to not take advantage of his lack of focus on you.

When nothing happens after a minute, tension leaves him. He's still put on edge by your presence, by the way you were all too willing to trust him with your life. Every blink is usually backed by a glance towards you, as if simply shutting his eyes for half a second will get him killed. It's so bizarre to him that he can trust a person so little yet so much all at once. That he can even enjoy being around you at all.

Driver is so caught up in his mind that he doesn't see you moving towards him. His entire body jolts at the feeling of a hand on his body, blue eyes darting towards you to glare a hole into you. But your grasp isn't tight- it's firm. He's tempted to peel his arm away from your hand, but he doesn't. Driver intently watches you, feels the way your hand trails up his arm, past his wrist.

Your fingers slot themselves between his, squeezing gently at his palm. A shaky breath leaves Driver, and his brows furrow in bewilderment.

You're so fucking confusing.

He has to swallow his spit in order to avoid choking on it at the weight of your hand in his. The heat of your skin soaks through his gloves and warms him. It's comforting in a way that Driver couldn't have predicted, strangely familiar despite the fact he'd never held your hand before.

He hates touch, normally. His jacket is a second skin to him, a barrier from the outside world that keeps him warm and makes him feel protected. The gloves help him grip the wheel, but he doesn't have to struggle with sensory issues if nothing can get past his comforts. His car itself is an extension of himself, and his entire world revolves around it. The few people he lets inside of it have been strangers.

But you're not. He's been in your apartment, talks to you briefly and he thinks about you when he's alone.

..Thinks about you when he's alone, Driver remembers. When aren't you in his life, then? Christ, just how whipped for you is he? He's so fucked.. But he doesn't pull his hand away. He lets it rest against yours and lets you hold him while he drives.

A soft sigh leaves Driver, content.

He pulls his hand away from yours for a moment, fingers sliding out from between yours to peel his glove off. Catching one of the soft leather fingers between his teeth, he slowly slides it off. He tosses the item onto his dashboard, feeling the colder air on his skin. Driver's hand takes yours again, interlocking his digits with yours. His breath quivers at the feeling of his bare skin on yours- It's new. Not quite unfamiliar, but different.

The back of his head falls back onto the headrest, and he gently squeezes your hand. Your thumb rubs soothing circles into his knuckles, and a soft groan leaves Driver. The first he's made since you'd climbed into the seat next to him almost 30 minutes ago.

Driver has to pull the car over in order to calm himself, knowing it'll take a little longer than a few seconds to regain his composure. Once he's done so, it takes him a bit to finally turn and look at you.

You're looking at him with such an intense focus that it makes Driver bite his lip. 'Why are you looking at me like that,' he wants to ask you, to finally speak. He can't tell if he hates the attention or forever wants you to look at him. Again, you've made another change in him. He'd considered any attention on him in particular to be suspicious; a bad sign or red flag.

But this is you.

Driver draws his face closer to yours, leaning over the centre console. You do the same, face a few inches away from him and warm breath fanning over his lips. Both of you finally make more contact through a kiss that breaks the veil of tension between himself and you.

#ryan gosling #ryan gosling x reader #drive (2011)#driver #driver x reader #drive 2011

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fibula-rasa · 5 months

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Cosplay the Classics: Natacha Rambova

My closet cosplay of Natacha Rambova’s signature look from the 1920s

It’s unbearably common for people who have written about Natacha Rambova to emphasize that her “real” name was “Winifred Hudnut.” In reality, Rambova had about a half dozen names she went by (or could have gone by). Natacha Rambova was the name she took when she began her working life as a teenager with Theodore Kosloff’s ballet company—hence the Russophone name. And, as Rambova was a person who first and foremost lived to work, sticking with her professional name seems true to her character, Slav or not. You see, the primary reason Rambova was (and is) subjected to this passive-aggressiveness is part of a lingering effort to delegitimize her and her work. Sometimes that takes the form of calling her Winifred Hudnut and sometimes “Mrs. Valentino.” While there are valid reasons to criticize Rambova and her work, the aspersions typically lobbed at her fully miss their mark because they’re motivated by the desire to belittle a woman who knew the value of her work and her art and had the necessary privilege to fight for it.

"Natacha Rambova seems to belong most to me, the individual I think I am, but of course, I wasn’t born that way."

—“Wedded and Parted” by Ruth Waterbury, Photoplay, December 1922

Collage of portraits of Rambova from the 1920s

READ ON below the JUMP!

To begin at the beginning, Rambova was born as Winifred “Wink” Shaughnessy in Utah in 1897. Her father, who was significantly older than her mother, was found lacking as a parent and a spouse, and the Shaughnessy’s divorced when Rambova was young. Her youth was spent bouncing between her mother’s home in San Francisco, boarding school in England, and her aunt’s villa in France. Early on Rambova discovered two of the great passions of her life, ballet and mythology. The latter became an enduring fascination that guided Rambova’s varied pursuits throughout her life.

At first, her family encouraged Rambova’s interest in ballet. However, around 1914, when Rambova was 17, the shady nature of Rambova’s relationship with Kosloff was discovered by her mother, who tried to have Kosloff deported. At the time, Kosloff was supporting a wife and child back in England while keeping house with Rambova and another of his dancers, Vera Fredova (who was also legally named Winifred and also a teenager btw). Mom called off the lawsuit, and for years Kosloff, Rambova, and Fredova ran the ballet company together.

The company relocated to Los Angeles where Kosloff entered into a contract with Cecil B. DeMille. The company would provide art and costume designs for DeMille’s films and Kosloff himself would appear in the films. While Kosloff’s name is found in the credits for most of these films, it’s now widely accepted that Rambova was doing most, if not all, of the research and design work.

Theodore Kosloff in his costume from The Woman God Forgot (1917) on the left with Rambova (who does not appear in the film)

In this creatively productive period, Rambova shifted her focus away from dance toward historical research and costume and set design as her primary endeavor. For DeMille, Rambova contributed designs for The Woman God Forgot (1917), Why Change Your Wife? (1920), Something to Think About (1920), and also designed the Cinderella fantasy sequence of Forbidden Fruit (1921).

from the Cinderella sequence of Forbidden Fruit [more gifs here]

The work caught the eye of Nazimova, who was still working at Metro at the time. Once Nazimova realized that Rambova was the one doing the work, she engaged her directly to work on her now lost film Billions (1920). Rambova would receive on-screen credit for her art direction on Nazimova’s final film for Metro, the deco-bonanza Camille (1921).

from Camille [more gifs here]

Camille features designs verging on the bizarre, using circles and half-circles as a consistent symbolic motif throughout the film. One of my personal favorite touches however, is the sequence taking place at Armand’s country cottage. Where the Paris sets are oversized and characterized by rounded edges, the cottage is excessively square and feels almost claustrophobic. At this point in the story, Marguerite is conflicted, she feels happier and freer than ever before in her love with Armand, but is also haunted by the notion that she’s dooming him given her past and her illness. The interior of the cottage feels more artificial because of its realism, almost like a doll house, in comparison to the more heavily designed Paris settings. This highlights the feeling in Marguerite that she’s just playing pretend at a happy, heteronormative fantasy.

country house setting from Camille

Influenced by the highly stylized visuals of ballet but also preoccupied with historical research and symbology, Rambova’s designs stand out from anything else produced in this period, especially in the US. The more I study her designs and think about how young she was when she created them, the more impressed I am by them. Faced with challenging assignments, Rambova balanced accuracy and perceived authenticity with her penchant for larger-than-life symbolism. On top of all that, they photograph beautifully! Being able to create interesting and appropriate costume and set designs with a demonstrated understanding of how they would register on film is a sophisticated skill set which Rambova deserves significant credit for.

When Nazimova went independent following Camille, she brought Rambova with her. The first two projects Rambova would work on for Nazimova’s company were A Doll’s House (now a lost film, which I profiled on my Lost, but Not Forgotten series) and Salomé (1922). The latter has become regarded as Nazimova’s magnum opus on film and often referred to as America’s first art film. For Salomé, Rambova translated illustrations made by Aubrey Beardsley into three-dimensional sets and costumes and character designs for film. If you’ve seen Beardsley’s illustrations and you’ve seen the film, you know this was no simple task and that Rambova did a phenomenal job of re-working the illustrations into wearable costumes and weaving elements of Beardsley’s illustrations into the set design.

from Salomé [more gifs here]

Taking a second to emphasize Rambova’s range, her work on Why Change Your Wife?, Something to Think About, and A Doll’s House (which we can only judge by surviving stills) are contemporary settings with more realistic, grounded set and costume designs. Rambova executes the designs for these films with just as much skill, although as she admitted herself, with less gusto because they didn’t scratch the historical-research/symbology itch.

production still from A Doll’s House

It was in this same period of creative growth that Rambova split from Kosloff (and he shot her in the leg on the way out) and she started seeing her future husband, Rudolph Valentino. Valentino, however, was still legally married to another woman. This would lead to significant trouble for the couple in the first few years of their relationship.

Perhaps too much time has been spent picking apart the nature of the Valentino-Rambova pairing—most of it spent trying to characterize her as a Svengali type and Valentino as too immature or unintelligent to have any opinions of his own. Now, having read most of what Rambova has written about Valentino, both before and after their divorce, she often takes a paternalistic attitude toward Valentino, but one tempered by real affection. And, given how close Valentino became with her family (and remained close after the divorce, even leaving a significant part of his estate to her aunt), to doubt the legitimacy of their partnership feels willfully disingenuous. Valentino shared Rambova’s desires to elevate the artistic qualities of film, oftentimes beyond their means. Together they crafted the romantic idol of Valentino. Together they challenged the studios for underpaying him.

“Some producers find an unusual personality. They use up thousands of dollars to exploit it. They put that personality into a picture and the picture goes over and makes a million. Then, instead of letting the actor who does fine work go on doing it, they give him cheap material, cheap sets, cheap casts, cheap everything. The idea then is to make just as much money from that personality as possible with the least outlay. “Isn’t it short-sighted? Isn’t it unwise? Yet they do it again and again. But they can’t keep it up forever. The fans are beginning to wake up. They refuse to take second rate products even when a big personality is exploited. They are doing the one thing that will affect the producer—when poor pictures are offered them, they are staying home.”

—from “Wedded and Parted” by Ruth Waterbury, Photoplay, December 1922

Something I mentioned in the last installment of “Lost, but Not Forgotten” was that in this period, a number of film artists in Hollywood were recognizing the true value of their work and going independent of the emergent studio system. Studio heads saw no problem in curtailing the creative freedom of their artists to further pad their overflowing wallets. For the founders of United Artists, the system was usually able to be bent in their favor, with their films getting wide releases with decent promotion budgets. For a number of other independent artists, the road was rockier as distributors and exhibitors were reluctant to offend the increasingly powerful studios. Nazimova was one of those who eventually ran out of funds to produce their own work. Valentino’s star rose precipitously after The Sheik (1921) and Blood and Sand (1922) was a massive box-office hit, but Valentino’s salary did not match that bankability. This financial dispute, complicated by negative press around his relationship with Rambova, left Valentino out of work in film for a year. In turn, Valentino and Rambova went on a dancing tour of the country, which raised her profile as a public figure while bolstering his star image despite not appearing in any new films.

Valentino and Rambova in a promotional photo for their dance tour

Unfortunately, crossing the studio system as they did resulted in a coordinated campaign to take them down a notch. Reading film magazines from the period will give you whiplash. Many of these magazines had established relationships with studios and ran news items in keeping with whatever narratives the studios wished to push. However, the stars and their managers (if they had them) had their own relationships with the magazines. So, occasionally, you’ll find items deriding Rambova as some kind of artsy-fartsy manipulative phony and then a profile piece of her or Valentino that’s sympathetic to their business woes. This is the period where the narrative emerges of Rambova as a calculating climber, using Valentino to build her own career. This talking point is often repeated today, despite the fact that Rambova had already been working on big productions for DeMille and Nazimova for years before meeting Valentino. While Rambova was certainly a key figure in developing Valentino’s star image, the plain facts make it apparent that they were working as a team—hardly abnormal. Unfortunately, neither member of said team had much in the way of business sense.

As I mentioned earlier, Rambova fashioned her life around her work. Something I didn’t mention earlier is that she was an heiress. At this point in her life, Rambova was determined to live off her own labour and not touch her inheritance. When they were battling the studios, the couple continued to not touch Rambova’s inheritance. And, both desperate to return to filmmaking, they were subject to the studio’s will. While their split is often framed as Rambova abandoning Valentino when she was denied the ability to control his career, a slightly different scenario emerges upon closer inspection. Both Valentino and Rambova were highly dedicated to their work and their work was intertwined with their relationship, a similar dynamic to Rambova’s relationship with Kosloff and later with her second husband Álvaro de Urzáiz, with whom she restored villas. With Urzáiz, their relationship degraded when they no longer had a shared project to work on. (In this case due to the Spanish Civil War.) It’s neither sensational nor romantic, but following Valentino’s reconciliation with Hollywood, after a few films, the pair was intentionally separated creatively. (This was at least partly due to the machinations of their new business manager, George Ullman, who we now know was manipulating Valentino’s finances after litigation regarding the disposition of Valentino’s estate.)

“What I desire personally is simply to be known for the work which I have always done, and that has brought me a reputation entirely independent of my marriage.”

—“Natacha Rambova Emerges” by Edwin Schallert, Picture Play Magazine, August 1925

Rambova worked on one film independently from Valentino before their divorce, What Price Beauty? (1925), starring mutual friend (for the moment) Nita Naldi. The film is now lost and its production and release seems awfully sus, so I hope to cover that for “Lost, but Not Forgotten” soon. Regardless of the film’s success or failure, the whole endeavor soured Rambova on Hollywood.

Nita Naldi in a promotional photo from What Price Beauty?

In her book about her life with Valentino, Rambova opined:

“Hollywood—all the joys of the petty community life of ‘Main Street’ with an additional coating of gold dust thrown in for good measure!… it is merely an imitation gilded hell of a make-believe realm. Nothing but sham—sham—and more sham. “Hollywood—one continuous struggle of nobodies to become somebodies, all pretending to be what they are not.”

Through their divorce and Valentino’s untimely death the year following, Rambova never stopped working. Rambova operated boutiques selling her original designs in New York and then in France. Around this same time Rambova also got more deeply involved in spiritualism. In an odd move, she published Rudy with the final third of the book “dictated” by Valentino’s spirit. I won’t say that I don’t find that pretty distasteful, but having read the book, it reveals two key things: Rambova’s genuine affection for Valentino, patronizing as it may be, and a sincere belief in the spiritualism movement that she and her mother had been drawn into. There have been critics who have framed the book as some sort of cash-in or vengeful act against Valentino for excluding her from his will, but the facts do not support that. Rambova, to reiterate, was an heiress who did not need to work for a living. She also states directly that it is Rambova’s spiritual leader who encouraged her to publish the book as a way to promote spiritualism. That’s not necessarily any better than the false narrative, but the truth has value (and is more interesting in this case!)

In the 1930s, Rambova relocated to Spain where she finally began using that inheritance to develop rental properties on Mallorca with her aristocrat husband. If you know anything about 20th century European history, you may know what happened next. Urzáiz joined the fascists in the Spanish Civil War, and despite her abiding fear of Communists, Rambova stuck around in Spain for as long as she could before fleeing to France. Of course, it wasn’t long before the Nazi Germany invaded France, so Rambova relocated back to the United States.

During her time abroad, Rambova’s preoccupation with symbology was reignited by a trip to Egypt. This sparked the next big passion of her life, which she would pursue for over two decades: Egyptology.

Rambova in Egypt

Rambova became a writer, researcher, and lecturer on symbolism and cosmology in Ancient Egypt (as well as spiritualism). Much of Rambova’s work was done in collaboration with Alexandre Piankoff and the French Institute for Oriental Archaeology in Cairo (IFAO). With various grants, Rambova travelled to Egypt to document important sites, via photography and illustration. Rambova also used much of her inheritance to source objects from Egypt, which she donated to museums and universities in the US. (There’s a huge discussion about that to be had, which, as an archivist myself, I am drawn to explore. But, it falls outside the purview of this blog, so it’ll have to stay a discussion for another time and place.) These collections are still accessible to researchers and the public today. Rambova continued this work until her death in the 1960s.

Without doubt there are meaningful reasons to criticise Rambova and her work. Some of her design work is appropriative at best, overtly racist at worst. She had ignorant and arrogant attitudes toward class politics bred from her uber-privileged upbringing, which occasionally bled into her work and interfered with her ability to collaborate with other artists. She definitely lacked the social skills and business sense that were very necessary for artists working in a mass-media format like film. It’s typical, but disappointing still, that so much effort has been put into demonizing Rambova for reasons that were either completely fabricated, or rooted solely in the fact that she was a woman who knew her value, but by society’s standards, didn’t know her place. All that said, maybe we are due to spend a bit more time as film enthusiasts genuinely engaging with the art Rambova created and recognizing how much of a force she was in standing up for artistry in the American film industry.

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Postscript: This piece was a monster, so excuse me for not diving into rumours about Rambova’s potential queerness, as it eventually fell out of the scope of the essay. But, for those in the know: my personal take is that she likely was queer, though probably not romantically entwined with Nazimova, but maybe with Fredova. I also think her marriage with Valentino was not lavender. And, even if Rambova wasn’t queer, I appreciate what a keen collaborator she was with queer colleagues and what a good friend she apparently was to queer people in her social circles and her family, despite how often her detractors would try to use accusations of lesbianism as a weapon against her. IMO if someone were of weaker character, those types of aspersions would have driven a wedge between the object and their friends and colleagues.

Bibliography/Further Reading:

Madam Valentino: The Many Lives of Natacha Rambova by Michael Morris

Rudy: An Intimate Portrait of Rudolph Valentino by His Wife Natacha Rambova

Valentino As I Knew Him by George Ullman

Picture Play Magazine, August 1925

Photoplay Magazine, December 1922

Mythological Papyri – Texts by Alexandre Piankoff & Natacha Rambova

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