#black sails chef au

[sailing-ever-west]

"Safe"

A fic snippet for an AU in which the Vinsmokes find out kid Sanji is working at a restaurant and re-kidnap him so he's no longer "staining their name," and Zeff has a conniption and sails all the way to the North Blue to rescue him. Scene is when Zeff gets there and sneaks in.

-----

The deeper Zeff goes into the dungeon, the hotter his blood boils at even the thought of the little eggplant being kept down here. It's cold enough to make a grown man shiver, let alone a scrawny little kid, and most of all it's dark, so dark.

Sanji hates the dark like it hurt him personally. If this place is any indication, Zeff supposes it has.

There are guards chattering to themselves around the next corner. Zeff could sneak around or wait for them to leave, but he doesn't want to. Truthfully he's itching to kick someone's face in, and anyone even slightly responsible for locking his kid in a dungeon will do just fine.

His kid.

The thought comes a little too naturally. Or maybe just as naturally as it should.

Doesn't matter.

He stomps around the corner to face the guards, who look up from their conversation and immediately draw their weapons.

“Hey, who are you, old man?” the taller one demands, pointing his spear at him. “You're not supposed to be down here.”

Just spears? Tch, easy. 

He knocks the weapons clean out of their hands with one swipe of his wooden leg, then whacks them in the head with the other one. They fall to the floor with bloody noses and quickly lose consciousness.

Hmph. Not very satisfying.

He checks their belts, and sure enough, one has a ring of keys. He snatches it up, then steps over their bodies and into the corridor they guarded. Sanji must be here somewhere, but it's so quiet. He hates it when the kid is quiet.

“Eggplant?” he calls out as he makes his way toward the back. “Are you in here, kid? Talk to me.”

Silence, and then a sound of shuffling and chains rattling.

“Zeff?” the voice calls weakly, and the sound alone nearly breaks his heart without warning.

“Yeah, kid, I'm here.” 

Zeff rushes over to where it came from, wooden leg thumping loudly against the stone floor. He doesn't stop until he's near the end of the hall and finally catches sight of a pale little body behind thick iron bars, still in his chef's uniform, though it's tattered and stained.

The kid is shackled around his wrists and ankles, and so thin Zeff is surprised they even stay on. But the part he really didn't expect, that makes a pit open in his stomach, is the helmet. It covers Sanji's whole face except his eyes, one of which is black and swollen, and the other wide and afraid behind a curtain of blood-streaked blond hair. He can tell by the way his shoulders slump that the object is too heavy for his head. What could even be the point of that thing besides tormenting him? Zeff feels sick.

“I'm gonna get you outta there, little Eggplant, just hang on,” he says, and starts trying keys until one fits in the lock on the cell door. He twists it forcefully and pries the bars open, then takes it out and hopes the other keys are for the shackles.

Sanji is visibly shaking, staring at him in shock, and he can see tears forming in his eyes. It makes Zeff's start to water, too, but he doesn't dare acknowledge it.

He puts a hand on Sanji's bony shoulder and rubs it firmly to ground him.

The kid leans into it and then starts sobbing.

“Hey, hey, it's alright,” Zeff tells him. 

He gets out the second key on the ring and starts to free his hands. Trial and error. That one doesn't fit, but the other key does. 

A muffled, quiet voice comes from the helmet amidst sobs.

“What's that, kid?”

Sanji sniffles, and his eyes are huge as he meets Zeff's. 

“Y-you…” he starts. “You came to get me. You came all the way to the North Blue. For me. I don't understand.”

Zeff doesn't know what to say. He's afraid if something comes out of his mouth it'll be far too vulnerable for either of them, and this situation is delicate enough as it is. Does the kid really think that after losing a leg for him he'd just abandon him to his fate at the next sign of trouble?

“Well, you know,” he says as he slides the handcuffs off, attempted nonchalance a bit ruined by the fact that he's nearly crying, “Can't run a proper restaurant without my sous chef.”

Sanji reaches out to him with raw, bruised wrists and clutches onto his sleeve, sobbing even louder.

Zeff rubs his back in steady circles.

“Shh, ‘s fine. Let's get your legs free and get that nasty bucket off your head, alright?”

“M'kay.”

Taking off the shackles reveals a badly swollen ankle, and Zeff worries it's broken. It wouldn't be surprising considering the bruises covering the kid's whole body, filling Zeff with an urge to kill he hasn't felt since his pirate days. Poor kid must have shown them he knows how to kick now. He'll have to check on that as soon as they're out of this forsaken place.

The helmet is a bit trickier. It opens in the back, and the lock is tight and at a strangle angle, clearly designed so that the wearer can't undo it themselves. Sanji goes rigid for a moment with Zeff's hands behind his head working on it, but finally it does come off, revealing a face even more bruised and bloody than his body. 

“Oh, kid,” Zeff mutters. “You're--”

He's interrupted by the impact of Sanji fully launching himself around him and holding on like he'd drown if he didn't. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…” he murmurs incessantly into his shoulder.

Zeff pauses for a moment, and then melts with heartache and relief. Crap, he was worried about this kid. He holds Sanji against himself and cradles his head, ruffling the messy blond hair formerly trapped beneath an iron dome.

“Nothin’ to thank me for,” Zeff insists. “Just lookin’ after my own.”

Sanji cries harder at that, and Zeff isn't really sure what to do, so he puts his other arm under his legs and slowly scoops him up to carry.

He's grateful, at least, that when the tears finally stream from his own eyes, Sanji has his face too buried to see it.

“Let's get you home, little Eggplant,” he says, and for once he's confident he chose the right words.

He already knew he would die for this kid. He had that figured out the day they met. It felt like psychosis to him then, some strange spirit taking over his mind and making him do crazy things like give away all his food with no real plan for how to survive more than a week. But now it's more right than anything else he knows. Of course he would die for this kid. He would kill for this kid. And he knows now, most importantly, that he's going to live for him. 

[tokiro07]

In a recent interview, Eiichiro Oda said that he probably won't do any more manga after One Piece (or at least nothing huge) because the world he constructed for One Piece inadvertently allowed him to explore pretty much every type of story he wanted to: Mock Town was a Western, Egghead is both a sci-fi and a murder mystery, Thriller Bark was a horror, etc. He never did it, but Oda probably could have found a way to work in a high school drama or romantic comedy if he'd really wanted to. I would argue that's how the Hungry Days promotion came about, he probably wanted to see it explored at least a little bit but couldn't quite find a good excuse for it

Undead Unluck, as I think at least one of us has mentioned before, is very similar: it can be whatever it wants to be whenever it wants to be. A sci-fi horror against the emotion-eating aliens on the space station, a zombie apocalypse Western against Spoil, a wuxia against Feng, competitive gaming against Spring, sports against Void, and now of course the high school AU centered around Chikara; Undead Unluck can do it all! If we end up going into Lucy's mind and it becomes a swords and sorcery fantasy with Lucy captive in a castle by a dragonified Ruin, would any of you really be surprised? Would any of you even complain? I wouldn't, and in fact I hope it happens now. That'd be such a funny way to get both Ruin and Lucy back into the main story

I don't know if I've ever really talked about it before, but there are certain niches that Jump manga fill. I don't mean in the sense of genre like sports or gag manga, I mean more thematically. When My Hero Academia started, the consensus was that it was the "new Naruto," with its plucky underdog protagonist competing with a cruel and prodigious rival and a society that discredits him for the circumstances of his birth. Black Clover draws inspiration from a ton of big name manga, but Bleach is probably the one that it best resembles in the structure of its world (the Clover Kingdom resembles Soul Society, the Magic Knight squads resemble the Thirteen Court Squads, and the Grimoires are basically simplified Zanpakutou)

Over the years, I've seen many things take major inspiration from Naruto, Bleach, Dragon Ball, etc., but shockingly, there was a long stretch where I never saw anything try to emulate One Piece, at least not in a way that was particularly obvious. The closest was Toriko, creating wild and imaginative animals, plants, etc. the same way that One Piece creates its islands, but nothing had a cast that felt reminiscent to me

Interestingly, the first one that I noticed that felt like what I was looking for was Dr. Stone, and that only sunk in for me when Senku had his group build a boat and put up a sail with their own unique symbol. I realized in that moment that where Toriko had covered the spirit of adventure that One Piece had, Dr. Stone covered the spirit of friendship and togetherness: every time a dilemma came up, the solution was almost always finding a new ally and awakening their talents, applying them in a way that they'd never thought to before, or reconciling with an old enemy for the sake of progress. "My friends are here to do the things I can't, and I'm here to do what they can't." This is one of the core tenets of One Piece, and while it took me a while to notice, it was equally a part of Dr. Stone's core as well

Undead Unluck does something pretty similar, though not as overtly, since the cast don't really have neat roles like "navigator" or "doctor" or "chef;" instead, everyone has their areas of expertise that can be used in multiple situations, so the individuals best suited for each situation are carefully selected, and if none are available, the hunt begins for someone who is. I think this didn't sink in because it didn't become nearly as prevalent until after the timeloop, but in retrospect, the first half of the story was like the pre-timeskip Straw Hats', unprepared and unable to reach the world's ceiling when finally faced with it, only to come back stronger and wiser in their journey to come back together

Coupled with its ability to be (Chucky voice) genre-fluid, Undead Unluck has unexpectedly become in my opinion a more than worthy successor to One Piece's particular niche in Jump. I've had this thought for a while now, but I think that Undead Unluck might actually be a good glimpse into what One Piece would have been like if Oda had been able to stick to his original five-year plan. It isn't able to take nearly as much time to flesh out its world, but its streamlined approach elegantly allows us to get to know enough about the cast to be invested while still allowing attentive viewers to pick up on fine details. Where One Piece ballooned to be a 30-year venture because Oda kept having more ideas he wanted to share and angles he wanted to analyze, Undead Unluck seems to have a stronger clarity to its vision and commitment to ensuring that vision is realized ASAP without sacrificing any of the essentials. Neither approach is wrong, it's just good to see that there is in fact a world that exists where One Piece would have been able to be just as solidly executed even without entertaining every whim and flight of fancy that its author could dream of

Of course, One Piece is still going, and likely will be when Undead Unluck naturally concludes, so calling UU its successor is definitely a bit of an overstatement, but my main point is that I'm glad that we're starting to see authors who aren't afraid of sharing One Piece's niche, and more importantly are doing it in a way that's fairly subtle, but identifiable. It's an extremely comforting sign for the rapidly approaching post-One Piece world, and I can't wait to see what fills the coming power vacuum

[malvolios-yellow-stockings]

Thanks for tagging me in this @tzeimi! My brain's melting so any mutual who sees this, consider yourself tagged.

Three Ships

Anything Black Sails, and I mostly do mean anything. Every single dynamic in this show is deliciously interesting, but I'd go Flint/Silver/Madi becuase it's chef's kiss thematically!

Otherwise, I'm sort of struggling to come up with two more ships, like proper actual ships, so I'll just go with whatever Ives and Boyd from Ravenous have got going on and any homoerotic friendship that Dickens has ever penned. And maybe Marwood and Withnail from Withnail & I because they're both awful rancid rats and I think I'd be funny.

First Ship

Hmmm, I don't remember, but the closest I can get to it from my childhood is Miguel/Tulio/Chel or any cartoon with a monster that has a heart of gold or something similar.

Last Song

Gang of Four - Guns Before Butter and The Au Pairs - It's Obvious

Currently Reading

Still reading Rip It Up and Start Again after taking a break. Also reading and enjoying my first Sarah Waters - Affinity. Also @tzeimi, if you're reading Piranesi and like it, you should probably check out Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell and see if it sounds interesting, if you haven't already. I'm always on that JS&MN propaganda train.

Last Movie

Witchfinder General - only worth it for the last couple of minutes, otherwise surprisingly dull and stupid, with zero camp unfortunately. But I'd watch those last three or so minutes again for sure.

Currently Craving

copying @tzeimi's anwer - a break =D uni exams are breaking my mind and body

[quek-a-sketch]

Literally obsessed with BRK! I need a fic or art or something please feed me! (Or more headcanons because it's just *chef's kiss*)

- the-albatross-sails

Oh I'll definitely draw some more art of it!! I really wanna try writing a fic aswell though it'd be my first one so that's a little daunting iwenuw

I'll keep ALL updates under the black rose kids au tag though!

[queer-crusader]

Do you have a fic (from whatever fandom) that you read and it just destroyed you (in a good or bad way) and made you think about it like even years later? If so why? Also...link? 😅💜

Sarah this question was so hard omg

Okay so. I don't think I have any that like destroyed me? But I do have some absolutely amazing ones, so I'm gonna just. Put a little list here of stuff that jumped out when checking my bookmarked fics just to refresh the memory

Black Sails fics that I remember vibing with so strongly:

we must unlearn the constellations to see the stars by Lacecat. Sort of Groundhog Day but Silver keeps jumping back in time. Has silverflint and silvermadi. This one lingered with me

the aftershocks remain by pdameron. Another silverflint one, but this time Silver can see the ghost of Miranda. Chef's kiss, a friendship Silver fucking needed lmao and I would've loved to see it

the kids are all right by youatemytailor. Silverflint, but flint is a DAD TO A GAGGLE OF STREET URCHINS IT'S GREAT

Now for a fic that has in fact wormed its way into my brain and stayed there for years bc it's a) amazing and b) exactly that type of AU that might as well be original fiction but of the very niche transformative category that I absolutely love it:

Winterheart by a now orphaned account, but I remember the writer account's name (won't say it bc the writer might not want that). It's Tony Stark/Loki, but it's a beauty and the beast au. It's amazing. High key recommend

And finally, another fic that has in fact destroyed me. It has remained with me for years. I was able to track it down even when it seemingly vanished. The first crack fic I ever read, and the start of my hobby to look up bizarre fics. Please read all the tags, the summary, the author's notes. Even the comments. It's all part of the work. This is actual art and I would study it in university if I could. Literary masterpiece and a fantastic creation:

How Can Such Pain Exist Without Physical Harm? by another orphaned account. I shan't spoil it. It's less than 500 words. I cannot recommend it enough if you want a good laugh.

Ask me anything ✨

[demenior]

25 & 29!

25. Have you ever upset yourself with your own writing?

You know how artists joke about making the same faces they're drawing? I do that with feelings when I'm writing intense scenes. So yes, I have cried while writing or made myself really angry, but it's because I was feeling the feelings and really into the scene.

But have I ever written anything I can't stand to look at because it's too "upsetting"? No. The more intense and complicated and messy something is, the more I reread it haha.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)

You get a bit from an epilogue of the singular black sails fic i started (From Eden), but lost steam on the last chapter. It's an au where Flint believes Thomas and Miranda are dead, and they think the same of him, and then a decade later they all run into each other in Nassau.

--

“You came all this way just to have dinner?” Flint asks.

“Thought I might properly meet with the Barlow’s as well,” Silver says, “learn their secrets to taming you.”

Flint’s eyes narrow, and there’s a sneer at the corners of his mouth. Silver knows his mind well enough to know what he’s thinking. No one can tame him. 

“Besides,” Silver says, “I’m a married man now. I can’t go to the usual places men whore away their responsibilities, so I’ll settle for the next best thing.” 

Flint disapproves of the joke, “I’m not your fucking--”

The door opens and Miranda Barlow leans out, “Mr. Silver, are you joining us for dinner?” 

“I would be delighted,” Silver purrs. 

He can see it in her eyes, the thoughts racing and cataloguing him, much the way Flint does. Peas in a pod, those two. The thought terrifies him. 

“Good,” Miranda says, “I understand you used to be a cook?” 

“A very poor one,” he admits. Flint laughs at the understatement. 

“That’s not important,” she says, “my husband has convinced himself that he should like to cook. I need you, as an experienced chef, to dissuade him from such notions.” 

There’s a noise of protest from inside. 

Silver glances to Flint, wondering if he’s being set up for some kind of joke. 

“If we are friends, then you will help save me from that disaster,” Flint says gravely. 

Silver pushes himself to his feet. Flint and Miranda, respectfully, wait for him to stand without offering assistance.

"Now… I do wonder why you require my help," Silver says, and turns from Miranda, to Flint, and back to the lady, "surely Captain Flint could talk a man down from this kind of conquest?"

Miranda's eyes hold his gaze, and flicker over to Flint. Silver and Flint are friends, but can he be privy to the inner workings of whatever it is they are doing here? 

"Unfortunately Thomas is one of the few men in the world who can persuade me to forget my intentions," Flint says, and Silver has heard this light laugh on the edge of his voice so few times that he actually has to turn to be sure that it's still Flint leaning against the porch rails. He's still there: shirt untucked, feet bare, hair curling on his brow. And smiling. He looks ten years younger in this instant. Almost a complete stranger. A happy, civilized man.

"My god," Silver accidentally says out loud.

Flint scowls at him, curious.

"I simply must learn your secrets," Silver confesses to Miranda, "you will be seeing much more of me, I can promise you that."

"Is that a threat?" Miranda counters, and Silver laughs.

[signoraviolettavalery]

K,W and X - please

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Hmm. That's a really good question.

Okay, well, in an ideal world where RNM actually followed through on the groundwork they laid, Michael realizing that "home" is Alex and choosing to stay and Alex no longer being afraid of being publicly out and dating are *chef's kiss*

Also, if we rewind back to when Supernatural was actually good and I was super into it: Dean Winchester, a guy who did not believe in angels because how could God let bad things happen, who had no faith, but who comes to have faith in Castiel, angel of the Lord. And Castiel, one of the best of God's warriors, loyal and devoted, falling in love with humanity because Dean Winchester shows him all it can be.

oh, and uh, James Flint on Black Sails. His whole backstory, his entire arc...

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

At the risk of drawing everyone's ire, I hate literally all the popular tropes: there was only one bed, they were roommates, college aus, high school aus, coffee shop aus, fake dating.

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

ARRANGED MARRIAGE. I will not be taking questions.

[lupismaris]

Illegitemus non carborundum est

Also known as The Chef!AU cat has posted about occasionally. I elt like shit all day and yesterday and somehow words happened. Idk how much of this will be finished but at the very least, have the first chapter or some amusement.

James is a Chef/pub owner, John’s a freelance author and novelist

eventual silverflinthamiltons 

__

Chapter 1

Over the years, the one thing that John Silver had come to appreciate most about London was the multitude of cafes, coffee shops, and pubs that populated the city. Without fail, he had managed to find a little hole in the wall best suited to very possible situation, dates, business lunches, catching up with old friends, the awkward break up. 

Sometimes a cafe was better, the calmer, at times more elegant tone of the place adding to the scolding his sister might be giving him, or making him appear more put together when meeting with a publisher. Other times a coffee shop with old wooden booths and simple menus were best, when the only thing needed was caffeine and quiet. And on nights when writers block and insomnia decided to team up on him, well there was always a pub or ten within walking distance of the tube station. 

The only trouble was, out of all the spots he’d been, a regular haunt had eluded him. Nothing felt quite right, nothing offered the right balance of all three, at least on the list of fifty or so places he tried. And often he and Jack, and their little circle of friends, stuck to their usual routine of places, rotating through them now and then to give the illusion of something fresh and different. But genuine change, a true meander off the beaten path was rare.

So when Jack recommended they meet at a new place for lunch, John was curious. Jack had always preferred The Scarlet Brewhouse on the other side of the river, or The Wolfhound near Covent Garden when he had a bit more change in his pocket. John couldn’t remember if they’d explored the pubs and shops near Boroughs Market before, or at least not consciously- he’d been one one to many pub crawls with Jack and Charles, of which his memory was foggy and limited. Perhaps that had been when Jack had found this new spot, The Walrus.

Who’d name a pub after so random an animal John had no idea, likely an inside joke of the owners. But then in a city with a few dozen public houses referencing cocks and princes, he supposed it was no more nor less suited than any other.

The corporate lunch crowd of the two o’clock hour had thankfully moved along, leaving the entrance to the Market far less crowded than the last time John had visited. It was an easy thing to spot Jack in his violet bomber jacket waiting on the curb with a cigarette in hand. John laughed at the sight of Charles next to him, three butterfly closures on his bruised forehead and a plaster splint on his nose.

“What the fuck happened to you?”

Charles grumbled and rolled his eyes. “Nothing-”

“He’s the reason we didn’t go to Scarlet’s I’m afraid,” Jack said with a put upon sigh.

“Did you get banned?”

“No he knows better than that. He started a fight down in whitechapel last night, with the pair of fellows who run this walrus place.”

Charles sneered, but it was a weak thing, with the bandage on his nose. “They started it.”

“Technically you threw the first punch, and in an effort to avoid them pressing any kind of charges, we are escorting Charles to go and apologize, while you and I enjoy our lunch, john. If that’s alright with you.”

“As if I’d say no to lunch and free entertainment. You realize it’s just as likely that charles will just start round two while we’re there, don’t you?” John asked as they turned down the side street and headed for the bank of the river.

“If he wants to get laid in the next month he damned well better not.”

“I take it Ellie is equally as mad about this?”

The sheepish look on Charles’ face made it clear he hadn’t yet told his occasional girlfriend about it. “She’s busy with exams. Didn’t wanna bother her.”

“No so I’m just left to deal with you.” Jack finished his cigarette and tossed it. “It’s a good thing you’re a good lay, charles.”

John rolled his eyes, it was an old nonsensical performance the two carried on, that they only enjoyed each other’s company for sex. Even a complete and utter stranger could take one look at them and realize they were effectively joined at the hip till the grave, them and Anne of course, Jack’s sometimes girlfriend but always partner he’d known since childhood.

“Anne not partaking in your humiliation?”

“She’s got a photoshoot scheduled up in Cambridge today, won’t be back till after dinner. Otherwise she’d be front row with her camera ready to catch this idiot having to apologize for once in his life.”

“I still say they started it.” Charles insisted.

“What was it even about?” John asked.

“Haven’t got a clue.”

Having been present for more than one of Charles’ notorious bar fights, John could easily believe that the whole point of the argument had been lost in the fray. All it took was a couple extra shots and a poorly timed joke in bad taste and charles was ready and willing to answer it with a right hook.

“Here we are, now behave charles or so help me-”

The Walrus looked, at face value, like every other hundred year old pub in the city, with the worn and re-painted wood framed windows and moulding around the door, a few iron tables and chairs sat outside to look across the street at the river and the opposing bank.

“Did you actually bother reading up on this place before dragging us out here jack?”

Jack huffed indignantly. “Yes I read up on it, I’d not pick a place without at least skimming the reviews. They’ve got nearly four stars on every possible review and the staff is gorgeous.”

“I’d care more about the food.”

“Well they said the food was good too.” Jack nudged Charles inside and waved John in after him.

It was a cozy setting, dark wood and white washed walls, old nautical art pieces hung here and there on the wall amidst old trophies and antiques, like many of the pubs along the river. It had the benefit of large front windows that made the place feel airy, instead of the cave like atmosphere of so many other places. Twenty tables or so were scattered about the room, the large oak bar extended to offer both kitchen side seating and barside.

The man at the bar looked up when they entered to greet them, but the moment he caught sight of Charles his put upon smile faded.

“Uh-”

“Hi we’re looking for a man named Flint?” Jack asked, as John settled into one of the empty tables in the window.

“What for?”

“My friend here caused him a bit of trouble last night and wanted to apologise.”

The bartender seemed to doubt that very much but nodded and turned to the kitchen. “Hey flint! You’ve got a visitor!”

“I’m not here.” came the gruff and uninterested reply.

“I think its the guy who decked you last night.”

John startled when a mountain of a man leaned against the kitchen door frame, apron slung around his hips and a healing split lip turned up with a smile. “Yeah it's him, flint. What do you want then?”

Charles glared at him until Jack sighed and shoved him forward to the bar.

“To apologise, and make sure there’s no hard feelings.” He said, ignoring the sour look Charles gave him.

The mountain blinked in surprise, and looked back over his shoulder, no doubt to where this Flint was debating whether or not to accept. Apparently he was willing to hear the apology, after a muttered reply, the mountain huffed and waved charles behind the counter.

“Flint’s got his hands a bit tied up, c’mon back.” He said and Charles followed after Jack again pushed him forward.

“I swear to god if he starts another fight I’m going to scream,” Jack said on a sigh, dropping into the seat across from john.

“If he does, at least the place’s is pretty quiet.” Aside from them, only two regulars sat at the bar, and half a dozen patrons at the tables further away. Hardy enough to cause a frenzy if a fight broke out.

“No need to worry, Flint won’t start a fight in his own house,” The bartender said, coming over with a trio of water glasses and menus. “If I’m honest I was surprised he got in a fight at all last night.”

“Is he not normally a hotheaded man then?” Jack asked.

“Oh he is, just the type more likely to jump you outside the pub rather than in. Wasn’t there so I dunno what was said but it must’ve been something.”

“I’m normally there but I had a deadline last night, couldn’t go out, thought Charles might be capable of coming home in one piece but here we are.”

“Ah well, we can only do our best with em can’t we? I’m Muldoon, lemme know when you want to order or if you want any drinks.” He was a short, genial looking man, with clever eyes and a well trimmed beard. The heavy brogue in his accent made John smile.

“We’ll take two of whatever cocktails you make best,” jack told him. “I’m going to need a few once this affair is over.”

“give me five minutes, they’ll be right up.”

“Did your deadline not go as well as you hoped?” John asked, when the bartender was back at work.

Jack waved a hand. “Who the hell knows, its submitted and the publication can decide whether or not its fit to run. With my luck I’ll have it sent back to me drowning in red ink and chunks of black out.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t write so many pieces on back door deals the whitehall bastards make, or how fucked the cops are, maybe then you’ll get more work published.” John pointed out, even though he knew the answer he’d receive. Jack was as invested in his journalism as John was in his novels, and the day Jack gave up his life of ruining rich and powerful people’s lives, would likely be the day they buried him.

“Ah but then, what kinda man am I, to ignore truth in exchange for a fat paycheck?” Jack chuckled. “Besides they’ve enough useless reporters amongst the london press, and when have I ever been one of the flock?”

“Never. They’re still giving you a few articles to work on outside of your pet projects aren’t they?”

“Yeah some nonsense about the men’s fashion expected at the next royal wedding or some shit. This is what happens when you’re the only fucker in the building who knows how to dress properly, they stick you with all the fashion editorials.”

John laughed at the disgusted look on Jack’s face. “To be fair, you have kind of brought it on yourself. How many times have you lectured your coworkers on their lack of fashion sense?”

“Look if these straight men want to get fucked then they need to dress better than a fucking-”

“Drinks, gents. On the house.” Muldoon set the glasses down with practiced ease, timing his interruption well.

“On the house?” John asked.

“To commemorate both Flint’s getting his face broken and your man getting his face broken, and yet being civil enough to apologize.” Muldoon said. “Or because you’re the most interesting part of my day thus far.”

“I may fall in love with you sir.” Jack smiled up at him.

“Sorry love, gonna have to take that up with Billy.”

Jack tilted his head and looked to where Muldoon nodded- The hulking blonde still leaning against the doorframe, his back to them. “Ha! In that case my dear it will be a chivalrous love from afar.”

Muldoon laughed, a bright burst of sound that caught the attention of the blonde, Billy. He glanced over his shoulder, at first with a curious frown, but one that easily melted into a fond smile as he watched them. He glanced back at the kitchen and seemed satisfied that hell wasn’t going to break out, so he turned and round the bar, coming to join muldoon beside their table.

“You’ll be glad to know your man’s behaving himself,” Billy said with that same wry smile he wore earlier.

“Thank fuck.” Jack groaned softly. “You were the other one weren’t you, last night?”

“I was yeah, though to be fair it was just a misunderstanding. Neither of us hold any ill will towards- charles was it?”

“Vane yes, charles vane. I was honestly worried you might press charges.”

Billy scoffed. “Flint would rather fight him ten times over then get the cops involved, don’t worry.”

“What happened, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“A few guys was bothering a couple of kids in the pub, being general shits. Flint had already started getting involved, before I could really stop him. Your man escalated it to a fight, or tried to, Flint tried to stop him, the guys who originally started the fight got a couple shots in and bailed by the time the three of us and finished causing trouble.” billy shrugs. “Like I said, a misunderstanding.”

John laughed softly. “Yeah sounds like charles.”

“Hes otherwise a great drinking mate though, I’d happily end up in a brawl with him again-” Billy looked up at the ding of a bell, the kitchen calling him back. “Sorry, duty calls.”

“Well at least it wasn’t something genuinely awful, I feel a tad bad about being so cross with him.” Jack mused, after muldoon had taken their orders.

“Nah, I’m sure he half expects it these days.”

They swapped stories of the work week, little things they’d forgotten to share via text while they waited for their food. As neighbors and close friends, John was always surprised how much they had to talk about, as he and Jack saw each other nearly every other day, unless work ran them down. Of course it helped that Anne’s girlfriend was John’s sister.

Charles rejoined them just after their food had been set out, looking dazed and uneasy.

“What happened?”

“I… think I got a job?” Charles said after a moment, as if he wasn’t sure.

Jack choked on his drink. “What?”

“He… he said he needed help at the bar, and was willing to teach me kitchen shit if I was willing to learn. And I just… said yeah why not?” Charles currently worked for his so-called father figure, as part of the security detail the company employed after hours. It didn’t take a genius to sort out how unhappy Charles was there. “Teach cut my hours a good bit recently, I’ve got the time, and the pay’s better, actually.”

The two stared at him a moment, before John started to laugh. “Only you could fucking deck a dude and get a job out of it, jesus christ.”

“I- I can’t even begin to process this but- that’s good? I think? Or at least a much better outcome than I’d expected…” Jack shook his head. “Whatever am I going to do with you…”

Charles smiled as brightly as he could with the plaster on his face and snatched the pickle off Jack’s plate. “No doubt you’ll think of something.”

They saw nothing of this Flint during their lunch, though they did get to chat a bit more with Muldoon and Billy before leaving. All John saw was a flash of red hair through the kitchen doorway as the man passed, red hair pulled up in a high messy bun and freckled arms.

But that, and his reception of Charles, was enough to pique his and Jack’s curiosity.

It had seemed they’d found a new haunt after all.

[kcrabb88]

Queer Movies/Books/TV Shows for Pride Month!

Happy Pride everyone!! For your viewing/reading pleasure I have made a (non-exhaustive) list of queer media that I have enjoyed! 

Movies/Documentaries

Pride (2014): An old tried and true favorite, which meets at the intersection of queer and workers’ rights. A group of queer activists support the 1985 miners’ strike in Wales (complete with a sing-through of Bread and Roses + Power in a Union)

Portrait of a Lady on Fire: On an isolated island in Brittany at the end of the eighteenth century, a female painter is obliged to paint a wedding portrait of a young woman (or, two young lesbians fall in love by the sea, and you cry)

God’s Own Country: Young farmer Johnny Saxby numbs his daily frustrations with binge drinking and casual sex, until the arrival of a Romanian migrant worker for lambing season ignites an intense relationship that sets Johnny on a new path (Seriously this movie is GREAT and doesn’t get enough love, watch it! It’s rough but ends happily)

The Half of It:  When smart but cash-strapped teen Ellie Chu agrees to write a love letter for a jock, she doesn't expect to become his friend - or fall for his crush (as in she falls for his crush who is another girl. This movie was so good, and really friendship focused!) 

Saving Face:  A Chinese-American lesbian and her traditionalist mother are reluctant to go public with secret loves that clash against cultural expectations (this is an oldie and a goodie, with a happy ending!)

Moonlight:  A young African-American man grapples with his identity and sexuality while experiencing the everyday struggles of childhood, adolescence, and burgeoning adulthood (featuring gay men of color!)

Carol:  An aspiring photographer develops an intimate relationship with an older woman in 1950s New York (everyone’s seen this I think, but I couldn’t not have it here)

Milk: The story of Harvey Milk and his struggles as an American gay activist who fought for gay rights and became California's first openly gay elected official (the speech at the end of this made me cry. Warning, of course, for death, if you don’t know about Harvey Milk)

Pride (Hulu Documentary):  A six-part documentary series chronicling the fight for LGBTQ civil rights in America (they go by decade from the 50s-2000s, and there is a lot of great trans inclusion in this)

Paris is Burning (Documentary): A 1990s documentary about the African American and Latinx ballroom scene. Available on Youtube!

A New York Christmas Wedding:  As her Christmas Eve wedding draws near, Jennifer is visited by an angel and shown what could have been if she hadn't denied her true feelings for her childhood best friend (this movie is SO CUTE. It’s really only nominally a Christmas movie and easily watched anytime. Features an interracial sapphic couple!) 

TV Shows 

Love, Victor: Victor is a new student at Creekwood High School on his own journey of self-discovery, facing challenges at home, adjusting to a new city, and struggling with his sexual orientation (this is a spin-off of Love, Simon, and it’s very sweet and well done! Featuring a young gay man of color)

Sex Education:  A teenage boy with a sex therapist mother teams up with a high school classmate to set up an underground sex therapy clinic at school (this has multiple queer characters, including a featured young Black gay man and also in season 2 there is a side ace character!) 

Black Sails: I mean, do I even need to put a summary here? If you follow me you know that Black Sails is full of queer pirates, just queers everywhere.

Gentleman Jack:  A dramatization of the life of LGBTQ+ trailblazer, voracious learner and cryptic diarist Anne Lister, who returns to Halifax, West Yorkshire in 1832, determined to transform the fate of her faded ancestral home Shibden Hall (Period drama lesbians!!! A title sequence  that will make you gay just by watching!) 

Tales of the City (2019):  A middle-aged Mary Ann returns to San Francisco and reunites with the eccentric friends she left behind. "Tales of the City" focuses primarily on the people who live in a boardinghouse turned apartment complex owned by Anna Madrigal at 28 Barbary Lane, all of whom quickly become part of what Maupin coined a "logical family". It's no longer a secret that Mrs. Madrigal is transgender. Instead, she is haunted by something from her past that has long been too painful to share (this is based on a book series and it’s got lots of great inter-generational queer relationships!) 

The Haunting of Bly Manor:  After an au pair’s tragic death, Henry hires a young American nanny to care for his orphaned niece and nephew who reside at Bly Manor with the chef Owen, groundskeeper Jamie and housekeeper, Mrs. Grose (sweet, tender, wonderful lesbians. A bittersweet ending but this show is so so wonderful)

Sense8: A group of people around the world are suddenly linked mentally, and must find a way to survive being hunted by those who see them as a threat to the world's order (queers just EVERYWHERE in this show, of all kinds)

Books

Loveless by Alice Oseman:  Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush – but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she’s sure she’ll find her person one day. This wise, warm and witty story of identity and self-acceptance sees Alice Oseman on towering form as Georgia and her friends discover that true love isn’t limited to romance (don’t be turned off by this title, it’s tongue-in-cheek. This is a book about an aroace college girl discovering herself and centers the importance and power of platonic relationships! I have it on my TBR and have heard great things)

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters: Reese almost had it all: a loving relationship with Amy, an apartment in New York City, a job she didn't hate. She had scraped together what previous generations of trans women could only dream of: a life of mundane, bourgeois comforts. The only thing missing was a child. But then her girlfriend, Amy, detransitioned and became Ames, and everything fell apart. Now Reese is caught in a self-destructive pattern: avoiding her loneliness by sleeping with married men.Ames isn't happy either. He thought detransitioning to live as a man would make life easier, but that decision cost him his relationship with Reese—and losing her meant losing his only family. Even though their romance is over, he longs to find a way back to her. When Ames's boss and lover, Katrina, reveals that she's pregnant with his baby—and that she's not sure whether she wants to keep it—Ames wonders if this is the chance he's been waiting for. Could the three of them form some kind of unconventional family—and raise the baby together?This provocative debut is about what happens at the emotional, messy, vulnerable corners of womanhood that platitudes and good intentions can't reach. Torrey Peters brilliantly and fearlessly navigates the most dangerous taboos around gender, sex, and relationships, gifting us a thrillingly original, witty, and deeply moving novel (again, don’t be thrown off by the title, it too, is tongue-in-cheek. This book was GREAT, and written by a trans women with a queer-and especially trans--audience in mind)

A Tip for the Hangman by Allison Epstein: A gay Christopher Marlowe, at Cambridge and trying to become England’s best new playwright, finds himself wrapped up in royal espionage schemes while also falling in love (this book is by a Twitter friend of mine, and it is a wonderful historical thriller with a gay man at the center).

Creatures of Will and Temper by Molly Tanzer: a very very queer remix of The Picture of Dorian Gray (which was already quite queer), featuring amazing female characters, a gay Basil, and a much happier ending than the original. 

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: The gay prince of England and the bisexual, biracial first son of the president fall in love (think an AU of 2016 where a woman becomes president). Featuring a fantastic discovery of bisexuality, ruminations on grief, and just a truly astonishing book. One of my favorites!

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston:  For cynical twenty-three-year-old August, moving to New York City is supposed to prove her right: that things like magic and cinematic love stories don’t exist, and the only smart way to go through life is alone. She can’t imagine how waiting tables at a 24-hour pancake diner and moving in with too many weird roommates could possibly change that. And there’s certainly no chance of her subway commute being anything more than a daily trudge through boredom and electrical failures. But then, there’s this gorgeous girl on the train (This is Casey McQuiston’s brand new novel featuring time-travel, queer women, and I absolutely cannot WAIT to read it)

The Heiress by Molly Greely: Set in the Pride and Prejudice universe, this takes on Anne de Bourg (Lady Catherine’s daughter), and makes her queer! 

Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters:  Nan King, an oyster girl, is captivated by the music hall phenomenon Kitty Butler, a male impersonator extraordinaire treading the boards in Canterbury. Through a friend at the box office, Nan manages to visit all her shows and finally meet her heroine. Soon after, she becomes Kitty's dresser and the two head for the bright lights of Leicester Square where they begin a glittering career as music-hall stars in an all-singing and dancing double act. At the same time, behind closed doors, they admit their attraction to each other and their affair begins (Sarah Waters is the queen of historical lesbians. All of her books are good, and they’re all gay! The Paying Guests is another great one)

(On a side note re: queer books, there are MANY, these are just ones I’ve read more recently. Also there are a lot of indie/self-published writers doing great work writing queer books, so definitely support your local indie authors!) 

[binunus]

college bf!rocky

a/n next is our rock and aegyo king sorry sanha park minhyuk !! also I was going to post this yesterday :( but me and my roommates got a little too lit for valentine’s and I literally sat for 7 hours straight in zoom so I couldn’t finish it until now but !! I hope you loves enjoy!!

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ word count: 4.9k

_________________________________

alright aright alrightttt

we’re gonna switch it up a little bit

add a little flavor

because as much as I would love to say that college bf!astro all got their partners in a cute and smooth sailing way

we all know relationships aren’t that easy

but before we get into how you and rocky met

major: dance

are we surprised? no

rocky is a prodigy in dance

he’s been dancing since he could walk

he started choreographing at age 6

it just made sense for him, like even his parents were like go pursue dance, you’re not a law or business type of kid

he can master any type of dance from jazz, to ballet, to street, to contemporary, to tango, whatever you can think of

he’s roommates with music tech!jinjin

jin literally takes care of him all the time bc rocky??? when he comes back to the apt after dance practice?? dead weight

only passes his gen ed classes bc eunwoo tutors him

if it weren’t for the boys, rocky would literally live in the dance studio

they make sure to drag him out for fun and food at least once a week

or they join and keep him company while he’s practicing

have they gotten noise complaints before while messing around in the dance studio? yes

rocky is loud alright, especially when he’s with astro

he’s a perfectionist, literally will not leave the studio until he’s 100% satisfied with his progress

oh the amount of times myungjun and jin nag at him to take care of his health

now now

you’re also a dance major

people could say that you and rocky are the top two dancers of your year

gasp a rivals to lovers au??? you betcha baby

granted you switched into a dancer major your second year so rocky technically had seniority

but boom baby as soon as you made your appearance, it rocked his world

now im not saying rocky’s cocky bc obviously he’s a cute hardworking humble boy

but was he used to always being placed first in evaluations or getting the highest marks??? yeah

so the first time you placed first and he placed second??? it lit a bit of a fire in him

he’s seen a ton of good dancers in his time, but no one has ever matched his capabilities better than you

there was an unspoken rivalry between you two, everyone knew about it 

you both always wanted to upstage the other

there was always a tension whenever you two were in the same room

but like...have either of you ever really talked to each other besides side remarks in class?

no

and it didn’t really help that the whole dance department basically pit you up against each other to see who was really the best dancer of your year

so you and rocky never had the proper introduction to a friendship, it just went straight to rivalry 

and then came the announcements for the end of the year showcase

and instead of putting on a solo, the department chairs decided to have you and rocky perform a duet

and you’ve never worked with him before so you were dreading the first time you met up

you to your roommate: ugh i can’t believe im partnered up with rocky, that arrogant rude–

your roommate: have you ever even talked to him, y/n? he’s actually very nice

you: no...but that’s what he wants you to believe!

your ego sorta just went along with the whole thing

and rocky was 15 min late to your meeting bc he was out eating food with the guys so your patience?? very thin

literally as soon as he stepped into the dance studio, the air turned stuffy

rocky could feel you glaring at him and he just smirks?? 

rocky: did I make you wait long y/n?

you: yeah you did

he liked pushing your buttons?? idk he just felt satisfaction knowing that any small of action of his affected you that much

it made him feel like he was winning or whatever

and god it took literally forever for you two to decide on a song and genre of performance for the showcase

you wanted contemporary, he wanted ballet

you were literally disagreeing so much on it that you had to ask Siri to flip a coin

and then you fought and said that Siri was rigged when it chose tails (contemporary)

so you decided on a happy? mix of both

rocky at the end of your first meeting: i get that we’re not exactly friends, y/n, but we have to work together so let’s at least be professional

you: i can if you can

rocky: fine

you two literally bicker like five year olds on a playground

even the guys are like ???? why are you being so childish ???

you have 2 months of preparation until the showcase and you start meeting once a week for choreography and practice since given the assignment

you two are pretty civil for the most part, you make the contemporary parts and he makes the ballet parts and then you combine it when you meet up and see how it can incorporate and complement each other

there’s not much joking around ?? like you know how rocky’s a clown when he’s teaching astro choreography?? it’s not like that at all

and honestly you two are too caught up in your rivalry and tension to notice that your styles really match and highlight each other well??

there’s definitely a lot of “i could do this better than you” from both sides

i repeat: you are children

and then there’s this one practice where you and rocky are trying a pas de deux for the first time

(i literally looked this term up, it’s basically what jungkook and jimin from bts did during the 2020 mma black swan intro...if you haven’t seen it, watch it bc it is perfection mmm chefs kiss)

and you don’t know if it’s because you didn’t have enough momentum or rocky didn’t prep himself enough for the lift but he ends up dropping you and you both fall

and you both immediately start blaming each other for the mishap

until you lift your hand to point at him and it just hurts

it’s like a switch goes off, rocky’s immediately concerned and he’s like gently taking your hand like: holy shit are you okay??

you shake your head and you’re wincing whenever you try to move it

you: ow fuck rocky, I think it’s sprained

and he suddenly feels so guilty, like he goes silent

you: can we stop for today? I’m gonna go get this checked out, make sure it’s not broken

rocky: do you want me to go with you?

you: no. I’ll see you next week.

boy he feels so bad, he texts you throughout the course of the following week asking if you’re okay, asking your roommate if you’re okay, telling you he’s sorry that he dropped you

you didn’t respond much, not bc you felt weird texting him–well, you did a little bit shhh–but bc you were beating yourself up for getting injured a month before the showcase

you show up to practice the next week with your wrist in a compression bandage

and he doesn’t greet you with a quip like he usually does, he immediately grabs your wrist (gently) and he’s like inspecting the bandage

you: uh...the doctor said I should be careful with it for a week or two if i want it to heal faster. so don’t bitch at me if i’m not going all out

rocky: y/n...i’m so sorry...I didn’t mean to injure you, it was my fault that we didn’t execute the pas de deux

you just shrug: it was both our faults...if I didn’t fall on my wrist maybe we could have avoided this little obstacle

rocky: if I caught you correctly, you wouldn’t have even fallen

you: are we really arguing right now about this??

and then the two of you just laugh??? 

this is the first real pleasant interaction you’ve had with him

and you notice like wow rocky had a nice smile

you: i should be back to normal before the showcase so we should be fine

rocky: don’t push it though while we’re practicing alright? if your wrist starts hurting then stop, and don’t even think about doing any floor choreo

the atmosphere between you and rocky change after that

he becomes pretty concerned about your recovery–and maybe it’s bc he still blames himself for the cause of it

each night before your set practice days, he always shoots you a text asking how you’re feeling and how your wrist is doing

he brings ice packs, painkillers, and extra bandages during your practices just in case you need it

and you’re actually pretty touched by his concern

about two weeks before the showcase, your wrist is back to full movement and you’re like excited to actually practice to your best ability

from now on you see each other twice a week, just to get that detail and fine-tuning perfected

rocky’s still a bit hesitant to have you go full out but you reassure him that you’re fine

you both try the pas de deux again the day you take your bandage off 

and you can see that he’s nervous to try it

you: rocky, i’m fully healed now. we haven’t practiced this move since the first time and we need it in our routine

rocky: but...y/n, what if I drop you again??

you: you won’t...i trust you 

and you really did, that move requires a lot of trust between partners and you know? maybe it didn’t work out the first time because of the lack of trust between you two

and so you go through the full routine and rocky was holding his breath when that part of the choreography came up but you both successfully did it!! and it was a beautiful move

he was so excited at the end of the run through that he hugged you

and you were smiling too bc this was the first time you did a full run through without any stops in between

you both don’t even notice that all the hostility is gone??

and the tension suddenly changed from hatred to...dare I say it...sexual

oo baby the day of the showcase you two were hella nervous 

but c’mon you and rocky were the best of the best so ofc you absolutely killed the performance

your energies literally merged as soon as the music started

every move was flawless

and you both had to face each other during your ending pose and you were just like looking at him like ??? wtf ??? did you maybe wanna kiss him??

and you know the look that rocky has in his eyes when he’s dancing

imagine that literally piercing into your soul

you got the shivers waiting for the lights to dim 

you both received a standing ovation after your duet obviously

astro watching it bc they always support rocky: they’re gonna fuck 100%

fast forward to the next term bc you both didn’t really have a reason to contact each other during summer break now that the showcase was done

you and rocky had two classes together, dance research and advanced modern technique

it was then that you started to see his actual personality and how goofy of a person he was

you still had a rivalry of course, but now it was healthy

instead of trying to bring each other down, you both started motivating each other to do better

and yes you’ve always been impressed with how good of a dancer rocky was (and vice versa), but now whenever you saw him practice you start to feel a little bit of stir in your stomach and shit are you blushing??

and then you two get paired up again for your midterm evaluation

your teacher: i saw the chemistry you had for the showcase last term, i think you two would work well together for this project

and god is your teacher trying to murder you??? the theme of this midterm was “couple dance” to encourage collaboration or whatever

you were just thankful that the song choice she gave you was more upbeat and not sensual bc you know for a fact that you would not survive doing a sexy dance routine with rocky

but that didn’t stop the way your skin felt like it was on fire whenever he touched you for partner-dependent moves

this time around, you did the choreography process together and it was actually pretty fun??

you and him would bounce back ideas and joke around whenever something looked stupid

you and rocky did this by the way for reference

and then there was one late night when you two were practicing

it was around 2 am, no one else was in the music building and you both didn’t have class the next day so you two were just like fuck it let’s just practice until campus security kicks us out or whatever

you both were literally dancing for four hours, not just this new routine but old ones and freestyles as well

and then you were doing your new routine and during the part where he had to twirl and dip you, you both fall again

but no one got injured this time luckily

and you both just burst out laughing, maybe you were a little delirious at this point in the night

you: i can’t believe you dropped me again

rocky’s laughing and you both just look at each other, and he’s hovering above you right???

and your heart is beating so loudly in your chest you’re positive he can hear it

and you’re thankful that your face was already hot from dancing so that he couldn’t tell that you were in fact blushing

rocky’s like looking at you for a good minute or so and he’s just like thinking in his head: have you always been this cute?

and maybe it’s bc you guys have been getting along so well lately and the vibes are??? immaculate

but the atmosphere suddenly gets super thick and he !! just !! leans down !! and !! kisses !! you !!

and phew baby you bet that you immediately respond to it

you’re literally making out on the floor for like five minutes

and mind you, five minutes is a long time

until rocky’s phone rings loudly through the speaker and you both suddenly separate

he scurries to his phone and you sit up trying to compose yourself 

jinjin: park minhyuk where are you?! it’s 3 am!!

you literally hear jinjin scolding rocky through the phone and you laugh a little bc it’s so cute how he’s getting nagged right now

rocky: hyung...im practicing...

jinjin: do i need to drag you out of there?! i’ll literally call bin to carry your ass to our apartment! how long have you been practicing huh?? have you eaten dinner at all??

rocky: okay okay I’ll come back home

he turns to you after ending the call and he’s so !! shy !!

rocky: I guess that’s the end of our practice haha...do you want me to walk you back to your place?? it’s pretty late out

you: yeah that’d be nice...hm you sure your hyung’s not gonna call a search party for you??

you’re teasing him and he just pouts

rocky: i’ll be fine

rocky walks you back to your apartment and it’s a little?? awkward?? 

but before you bid him goodbye he’s like: uh...the kiss earlier...sorry if I surprised you

your cheeks are hot again: it’s um...it’s okay, I didn’t mind it...it was actually pretty nice...I guess...

and rocky’s heart skips a beat and now he’s blushing: yeah...it was...i’ll see you in class then??

you: yeah, i’ll see you. text me when you get home okay?

he nods and waits until you’re safely inside and then he just starts grumbling to himself

rocky: i’ll see you in class?? could i say anything more stupid??? 

rocky’s adorable okay

him texting you when he gets back: im home :)

you: that’s good! good night rocky :)

he goes to the guys the day after like: i have a predicament !! me and y/n kissed !! 

jinjin: that’s why you were late last night??

eunwoo: you dirty dog, doing it in the dance studio??

rocky: we didn’t do anything else hyung !!

bin: so did you ask them out??

rocky: no...i said...i’ll see you in class

myungjun: i’ll see you in class?!?! are you an idiot??

sanha: hyung even I’d ask y/n out after that

rocky: i know !! im dumb okay!! help me

sanha: you’re a lost case sorry

jinjin: why don’t you start with, hey y/n do you wanna get some food with me??

rocky: AHHHH

yes he does want to ask you out, yes he does want to kiss you again more than he’d like to admit, but he’s shy

you’re not faring any better, you and roommate were literally talking about it all weekend

the next time you see rocky (in class), you two are awkward as fuck

you both keep stealing glances at each other and then if one of you get caught, you both immediately look away

those 50 minutes of class could not go by any slower

and you were so ready to book it after the professor dismissed you but then you hear rocky call your name

rocky: hey y/n, are you free right now?

you: uh yeah! why what’s up

rocky: do you...um...wanna get some coffee with me?? or food or something??

you: do you mean like just to hang out or...uh like a date?

rocky: a date...if you want it to be

and cue the blushies again

you and rocky end up going to this cute cafe and get smoothies bc neither of you were feeling caffeine at the moment

and the whole time you two are just ??? so cute and shy and awkward with each other ???

which is such a contrast from how you two would dance together

rocky’s so sweet, really the cutest boy

gives you so many butterflies

the two of you end up going on little cafe dates before practice 

and you’re all cute and wholesome

and then he turns all passionate and dominant when you start dancing

like wow alright rocky giving you whiplash or whatever

when you show the routine for your midterm, the teacher and other students give you both high praises 

and he’s all giddy after class and he goes up to you: i think its safe to say that we have really good chemistry when we work together, don’t you think?

you’re smiling hehe but you wanna mess with him a little: hmm i think we’re alright, but who knows, i might mesh well with someone else

and then he’s all frowny, a little jealous: what do you mean someone else? do you make out with someone who just has alright chemistry with you??

your eyes go wide and you put your hand over his mouth: im kidding!!

rocky just smirks at your embarrassed reaction and he like tickles your sides

and then he just grabs your hand like: don’t find another dance partner y/n, just be mine

how could you say no to that??? especially when rocky’s just looking all handsome and charming and shit??? exactly. you can’t and why would you ever say no in the first place??

you and rocky dating?? biiiig news in the dance department

and even outside of it

bc lowkey rocky had a bit of a fanclub bc of how good he is at dancing, are we shocked? no

the boys are so happy for him !!

you meet his friends literally the day the two of you start dating

and you’re a bit nervous meeting them bc ofc you want them to like you, they’re his friends

but they’re so sweet...and headass

when rocky brings you to their dinner, the five of them literally start applauding at your entrance

you were so confused and rocky’s just out here with second hand embarrassment

he’s the cutest boyfriend

shy with pda in public (unless you’re dancing), most he’ll do is hold your hand

but in private he’s very clingy

loves backhugging you

he also tickles you when he wants to be a little shit

which is 50% of the time

very playful bf, will tease you at least once every day

if you two are just practicing dancing, he’ll make any sort of excuse to hold you or kiss you

asddfadsjf he’s so cute

gets very soft at night especially when you two are worn out from practice

just wants to go back to your (or his) apartment and cuddle and sleep

imagine just you two cuddling in bed after hours of dancing and he’s just spooning you and he mumbles tiredly into your shoulder: you’re amazing y/n...you’re one of the best dancers i’ve ever seen

and before, his pride would have never allowed him to say that, but now it can

not really one for pet names in my opinion, but he does call you “my y/n”

after you two start dating, you begin to call him by his real name, minhyuk

or you say hyukie

he lowkey loves it when you call him that, it’s so endearing

the guys teasing him, cooing at rocky all gross like : heyyy hyukkie

then rocky just like crosses his arms: only y/n can call me hyukie

he didn’t realize he loves couple dances so much until you and him are dating

well he only loves it because you’re his partner ofc

alright hear me out !! slow dancing with rocky

slow !! dancing !! with !! rocky !!

he dims the lights in the dance studio until it’s just a single spotlight and some slow romantic music comes on and he just grabs you by the hand and twirls you once before pulling you close and you’re just swaying side to side

and then he presses your foreheads together and he’s just looking into your eyes and gives you the softest smile

!!! im freaking out!! i want this so bad !!

that’s how the first i love you comes out

surprise, you say it first

okay but like in the moment, the atmosphere is literally so perfect, and you can just see how much he treasures you and you always feel butterflies whenever he does this, but there was just something that night that made you say it

like your chest was constricting so hard and you were thinking to yourself, i love this man

and so you just said it

and omg the smile on rocky’s face just widens and he kisses you so sweetly before he says it back

loves kissing you, your lips are like a drug to him

can literally make out with you for hours

has pushed you against the walls of the practice room just for a little make out session

ahhh here we go ladies and gents

sex !! with !! rocky !!

first and foremost, dance studio sex??? yes

especially if it’s just you two late night practicing like the first time you kissed?

mirror kink? maybe so

and bc y’all are ~flexible~, you bet he likes bending your back like a pretzel

he’s a very passionate lover, your pleasure is his #1 priority

loves foreplay just as much as the main event

but oof his hips?? grrrrr bark bark ram me over with a truck

his stroke game is so good

literally knows how to fuck you in all the right places

and his stamina??? god tier, can go at it for hours on end

into edging and overstimulation, oof you bet you’re cumming at least twice during every session

i cannot stress this enough!! thigh riding

you know he has thighs of steel

will make you cum just from riding his thigh

most of the time you guys start off slow and sweet, and then just boom it turns it hard sex

will definitely get turned on from doing a sexy dance routine

the amount of times he’s wanted to just fuck you in the middle of class bc you turned him on?? but ofc he has public decency he won’t do that

he knows you get turned on from his fingers oops

anal or vaginal fingering?? he’s all for it baby

he’s loud during sex, all the grunting, huffing, growling, oo im getting chills

not afraid to tell you how good you’re making him feel

not really into spanking, but he grips a lot, like his fingernails have definitely left some deep imprints in your hips or your ass

hair pulling?? yes, both sides receiving

okay but if you call him rocky during sex? big turn on

i can’t explain why, it just is

favorite position?? cowgirl

he loves when you’re on top of him

yes he likes seeing you try to fuck yourself on him

and then when he can’t take it anymore and just grabs your hips and thrusts up into you until your body literally collapses on him

he always tries to make you cum first but oops sometimes baby just busts a nut

yes you will probably tease him about it and then he’ll just shut you up by kissing you 

on another note, no way to turn rocky on faster than sucking on his bottom lip when you’re kissing

will cuddle you after cumming, like he doesn’t care if either of you are sweaty or messy, he’s hugging you for at least five minutes

honestly becomes a baby after sex so it’s more like you’re giving him after care sksksk

the switch he makes from being a sex fiend to a clingy cuddly boy? whiplash

like you need to go to the bathroom to pee or something and he’s like: but...i wanna hug u

i would risk it all for rocky yes

anyway after graduating, rocky becomes a choreographer for this really famous dance studio and get recruited to join a highly-competitive dance troupe

you both do long distance for a little bit bc obviously he’s back home but you have to travel with your group for competitions, sometimes even internationally

and so that caused some strain in your relationship bc distance sucks, but you would always make sure to call him every night before going to bed and despite any time zone difference, he would always answer

your biggest supporter !! literally flew out to surprise you during a big dance competition in london or whatever and you cried happy tears bc was he really there right now??

that’s when you knew that he was the one :’)

you spent the night w him in his hotel room and after a good couple rounds of reunion sex, you were like trying to test the waters a little bit: i missed you hyukie

rocky: i missed you too, but now that you’re here with me, nothing else matters

you: what do you really think about this long distance thing??

rocky: it sucks...but i know it made us stronger. i feel like we can get through anything now

you: yeah, i agree

rocky getting paranoid: omg why? are you thinking of living abroad?? y/n, do i need to start looking at dance studios out here??

you have to hold in your laughter bc he’s so cute: why? would you move out of the county for me if i wanted to??

rocky: i mean...if you’re thinking of leaving for good...then yeah.

he gets so shy and quiet and you’re just !! wow you love him !! he’s yours !!

you kiss him shortly and you smile: no, i’m not gonna live abroad. I miss being home and I miss seeing you all the time. I told you before, I’m thinking of leaving the troupe in two months and then gonna find a job back home for good.

he lets out a sigh of relief: you scared me a little

you just laugh: I only wanted to confirm something and hmm I was right

rocky: what did you wanna confirm??

you being a confident baddie: that I wanna be with you for the rest of my life

rocky feeling his heart implode: you mean it??

you scoffing: why would I be lying about this?

he just laughs and kisses you: I wanna be with you too...I’ve been thinking it since the last time you visited. How much I love you and how much I hated seeing you leave for who knows how long, but I didn’t wanna say anything bc you’re still living your life and I didn’t want a promise like this to influence you to come back if you didn’t want to yet.

two months later you’re back for good and move in with rocky

you end up becoming a choreographer at his dance studio too

you and rocky: the couple™

and you live happily ever after

somewhere down the line...

sanha: hey remember when you two hated each other?

eunwoo: remember when you injured y/n??

bin: remember when you freaked out to us about your first kiss together

myungjun: and you said i’LL sEe yOu iN cLaSs

jinjin: those were fun times, right hyukie?

rocky: i hate you all

__________________________________________________

2-16-21

[exosmutfactory]

Royal Pains

stunning gif by tipannies

❥ This might be the most daring one shot of mine to date, so! Here we go

— Pairing: You & Baekhyun

— Genre/AU: smut, 

— Word Count: 2.8k

— Rating: 18(more like 21 >.<)+ (M)

— [ Contains: Plot ofc (can’t be helped). Some restraints ;) deepthroating, airplay/choking, slight degradation, voyeurism (eep), etc! ]

❥ This was a lot for me to even proof read okay, let me post this here and run

ღ♥ღ♥ღ♥ ღ♥ღ♥ღ♥ ღ♥ღ♥ღ♥

Byun Baekhyun was never an easy man to please.

He’s belligerent, impatient and way too stiff for a man in his late-twenties. Though you suppose that is what comes with the responsibility of leading a kingdom. Nothing short of aggression and authority is expected of him with his title of power. And women across the land enjoy eating bare minimum affection out the palm of his stern hand - except for you.

If he’s a cold-blooded king, you are his ice queen to match.

You were that inwardly hotheaded, steel fratetrain of a princess that didn’t take shit from anyone, let alone the soon-to-be king whose name you never could remember yet face you never forget. He was always trying to boss you around your own house and intimidating all other men that tried to pursue you. And yet the annoying crown prince left quite the impression on you during those awkward royal-arranged dates and accidental yet totally coincidental meetings at night under the shining stars. 

You still ask yourself how you went from a love-hate courting arrangement to being the one to receive his late-night undivided attention and witnessing his eyes taking on the softest of expressions. Maybe you were a saint in your previous life.

But of course, there’s only a certain amount of time before you push each other’s buttons again. Keeping the peace balanced on a very sensitive scale will tilt out of order and end up sailing across the room eventually. Only so many small bickerings before your stubbornness straight-up rivals his assertiveness. Some occurrences of these types of arguments are better than others…

Much better than the one right now.

Someone calls your name. A deep voice that can be soft and melodic or choppy like an all-consuming storm deep at sea depending on the situation. In this instance, you can clearly hear the thunder in their tone that matches the hard look in their brown eyes when you raise your head from the blanket in your hands. “Baekhyun?” You murmur, head tilting in mild curiosity. Trying your best to ignore how good he looks in a white dress shirt, black slacks and a matching blazer that is complemented by his slightly pushed back hair.

He says your name again through gritted teeth, gesturing to the patio doors that lead out to the garden with a ring covered hand, “Did you dismiss the gardener?”

“His wife went into labor,” You justify, continuing to work on the red wool with soft clinks of the knitting needles.  

“The head chef?”

“A family emergency.”

You hear his teeth click together before he utters, “And the maid?”

Your needles are set down on your lap at that, “Nope. I fired her.” You chirp, irritation swelling in your chest at the mention of the wrench as you pick them back up. Counting back from 20 to will away your bubbling anger. 19, 18, 17-

Baekhyun inches closer in all his angry glory, black dress-shoes tapping on the marble floor. “And what reason do you have for that?”

“She was going around spewing bullshit about her being your fucking mistress.” You spat, clutching the needles so hard they bite into your skin.

He takes a deep deep breath, chuckling humorlessly. “So,” His hands are clasped behind his back, leaning forward to meet you eye-to-eye from your spot on a custom made leather couch with the tiniest of revengeful smiles. “Because of jealousy you decided to fire our 5th maid of the month.”

You know you should back off; try to contain your anger and let him have his little moment with soft words of compromise - but oh, the memory of catching that woman spraying the collar of his shirts with her nauseating perfume this morning… You’re murmuring under your breath before you can fully comprehend the reaction you’ll get. “Not my fault she was a pest and definitely not my fault for all the others you fired.” The others being gentlemen that respected your space and accompanied you on the loneliest of days by complementing your improving knitting skills and bonding over tear-jerking novels.

It’s silent for a few moments, and then Baekhyun chuckles, running a hand through his hair, “Always going out your way to give me a fucking headache.”

“If I’m a headache, you’re an eyesore,” You mutter under your breath, looking away. You can’t even bear to face him after that.

“An eyesore?” Baekhyun muses. You choose not to respond, dead-set on glaring a hole into the farthest wall as you will away the urge to cry.

Baekhyun grabs your chin and before you can snap at him, he’s kissing you with fever. The rough way his teeth tug at your bottom lip making you gasp into his mouth, the perfect opportunity for him to explore your wet caven. Blanket forgotten at your feet as he pulls you up and backs you up to the nearest wall; pelvis flush to yours. “Let’s see how much of an eyesore I am after this.”

He hoists you up into the air before you can say anything; carrying you bridal-style to your bedroom as butterflies nervously flutter around in your stomach. You know where this is heading. Not even blinding rage can keep the fire from growing between your legs.

Baekhyun lowers you to the bed gently as if you are having your first night together all over again. Slender hands pulling at your blue ballroom dress and the blossoms of daisies out of the carefully woven braid in your hair. Scattering them on the sheets of your California King sized bed as he presses his lips back to yours.

You gladly recuperate his endless kisses, relaxing further under the familiar weight of his body and the soft caress of his wandering hands…

Until the tell-tale sound of a lock clicking into place reaches your ears.

Your eyes snap open but you’re a second too late; both of your hands, cuffed, to a bar in the headboard. And it’s not with the usually fluffy baby pink ones. No. You’re chained to the bed like that of a prisoner under the unforgiving guard of your husband; gazing down at you with the darkest of eyes. “B-Baek-” A firm hand wraps around your throat, silencing you.

“I think..” He hums, eyes lazily running over your helpless form; a smirk playing on his lips, “That you’ve done enough talking for today.”

Another look from him keeps you from protesting through your parted lips; his thumb rubbing unhurriedly along your neck leaving you to gulp as he steps off the bed. You lift your head to see what he’s doing, only catching a glimpse of him pulling off his tie before the handcuffs rattle against the headboard.

Baekhyun looks at you from over his shoulder with a tsk, completely loosening the silk material from around his neck before approaching the bed again.

You bear your neck, expecting him to tie it there only for the soft material to be pressed against your eyes.

“Since I’m such an eyesore,” He mocks, tying the blue material firmly around your head, “Guess you won’t be needing to see, will you?”

Your noise of protest only earns you a sharp smack to your sensitive core, making your thighs snap shut with a yelp.

“Keep those legs open,” He warns in a low tone, rummaging around the room while you quickly obey; spreading wide and straining your ears to hear him. Your cheeks darkening at the tell-tale signs of arousal covering the inside of your thighs.

“Look at you,” Baekhyun muses by your side; the lightest brush of his fingers across your folds making you gasp, bucking your hips. The slender digits tease over your thigh before rubbing the wetness into your skin. “Already dripping onto the sheets.”

“Baek.” You bite back a whine, holding your breath at the light rustle of clothes and obscene slick sounds that meet your ears. Baekhyun’s weight is fully dipping next to you in the bed; lewd wet sounds coming from lazy strokes of his cock. You whimper, wishing you could see how he looks right now, all flushed cheeks with those brown eyes so blown with lust that they appear black. His soft pants and quiet groans put you in a state of arousal that you’re rudely awoken from by a sharp pain on your thigh. Your whole body jolting up with a shout. “Baekhyun, what the fuck-” You pause, breath catching at the leathery texture gliding across your sensitive skin. 

“It’s been a while, hmm?” Baekhyun muses with a chuckle. A faint whoosh the only warning you get before it’s coming down on you again. You gasp, biting your lip as the brief pain ebbs away; the implications of him using the riding crop sinking in. This definitely isn’t going to be one of those nights he goes easy on you. No, you’re fucked and can only get more fucked from here.

The sinful sounds of skin against skin and your quiet whimpers fill the air as he continues to spank your thighs with the pleasantly painful material. One hit being so close to your wet cunt you arch your back with a broken whimper of his name, nearly cumming at the lingering burn it leaves alone.

“Tsk always so greedy,” Baekhyun murmurs; pace increasing on his cock while dropping the leather crop next to you. The volume of his groans indicating his orgasm making you tug at your restraints; helplessly squirming in the sheets. “B-Baek, please.”

“What do you want, sweetheart.” He sighs, hand resting so high on your thigh you tremble in anticipation.

“Y-Your-” You bite hard on your lip, throwing your head back when he brushes his thumb over your throbbing clit. “Your cock!” You gasp, trying your best not to melt under his touch; thighs trembling in want. “I-I want to suck your cock, p-please..”

“Hmm.” Baekhyun bites your earlobe, drawing a gasp from your throat before you sense his clothed thighs straddling your chest. The wet tip of his pressing against your bottom lip.

You lick your suddenly dry lips, tasting his precum as he slowly slides into your awaiting mouth. The weight of him on your tongue making you keen under him, choking a little when he hits the back of your throat. His quiet moan shooting heat right down to your core.

“Such a good girl.” He sighs, firmly gripping your hair; your eyes welling up with tears every time he sinks into your throat. “So tight and warm for me.”

You moan, curling your tongue around his tip when he pulls out to let you catch your breath. The way his hold tightens in your hair has you gulping down his precum, preparing for what comes next.

Baekhyun quickly slides his cock down your throat with ease, groaning as your nose hits his pelvis. The way he takes your breath away with every quickened thrust has you moaning along with him, swallowing around his thick girth as his grunts meet your ears, loving the sound of his cock stuffing you full.

You could keep going like this for hours. Letting him fuck your throat raw and leave your jaw aching for days. His high pitched moans and merciless thrusts leaving the biggest inferno between your trembling legs.

“Ah.” He suddenly grunts, slipping out of your mouth and pulling away before you feel the hot spurts of cum dripping on your chest and down to the messy sheets below.

“Fuck.” Baekhyun sighs, not paying your whine of disappointment any mind as he shuffles farther down your body. The soft material of his pants brushing over the back of your thighs barely a warning before he’s slipping into your weeping core. You gasp, tugging hard at your restraints. The delicious burn of his thick length making you clench hard on his cock.

“Mmm.” He moans, pushing in to the hilt. “Always so wet for me.”

You bite your lip in vain to keep quiet as he wraps his hand around your throat; his loud groans and your quiet whimpers fill the room along with the slamming of the headboard and the wet smacks of his cock ramming into your walls.

“So so greedy.” Baekhyun chuckles darkly, picking up the pace with a tight grip on your hips. You moan, but a certain, small noise reaches your ears. A distant whimper. Misplaced for the privacy of your bedroom.

“I can feel you clenching down on me.” Baekhyun pants, pulling you out of your thoughts as he angles his hips; the brute force of his thrusts slamming into your cervix in that painfully pleasant way he knows makes your back arch and toes curl. Your cunt gripping him like a vice. “Greedy girl. Fuck, your pussy was made for my cock.”

You can do nothing but arch your back, breathlessly moaning his name until you feel the tie being pulled from your face. Your blurry eyes opening as it slips down to rest around your sweaty neck, the shocking view in front of you enough to make your building orgasm stop dead in its tracks. Because there. Just beyond Baekhyun’s gloriously clothed form, is three familiar figures kneeling near the foot of the bed.

“Finally caught on, sweetheart?” Baekhyun chuckles, slowing down to grind against your clit as you choke on your words; jaw dropping at his audacity. At the display of the maids you’ve fired watching on with wide, envious eyes, or the way he is milking your g-spot, you do not know. But damn if it doesn’t make you tighten more around him..

Your eyes can’t seem to look away from the people kneeling with their hands tied behind their backs. Three sets of hungry eyes focused on the pair of you as the palace guards keep their gazes away out of respect. Your attention isn’t brought back to Baekhyun until he hisses, releasing your neck to push your thighs to your chest and tangle his hand in your hair. “Keep your eyes.” He growls, yanking your head back to stare directly into your eyes. “On me.”

You gasp loudly, clamping down on him with a nod. Doing your very best to keep up the new position despite the burn in your hamstring, the throbbing at the roots of your hair under his unforgiving grip and his punishing thrusts. The tip of his cock nailing your g-spot without fail as your thighs shake; pressing your feet to his chest for stability. The slight shift in position making you cry out in bliss.

“Hmmm is my greedy whore going to cum?” Baekhyun asks in that slight condescending tone that drives you wild. You can’t look away from his fiery filled eyes, so many emotions of love and lust swirling in the orbs that you find yourself drowning deeper in the tighter the coil builds up in your core. Gushing around him as the others in the room are brought back to your attention by the restless shuffling coming from the floor.

Baekhyun chuckles at the red coloring your cheeks. “Dirty girl.” He murmurs, brushing his lips over your ankle before holding your hips down to the bed. “You enjoy being watched. Your pussy is weeping for it.” He gives your clit a swift smack that has you arching your back with a cry of his name; shaking at the seams. A burning stare catches your eye just as he’s sliding his hand down your stomach and between your quivering thighs.

Baekhyun’s fingers rub mercilessly on your throbbing clit while you’re locked eyes with one of the men who was your previous maid; feeling a sense of courageous sexual power surge through your veins as you are finally brought over the edge. Until Baekhyun slips out the moment you clench down on him.

You're left gasping under him as your walls spasm in defeat; a broken sob ripped from your throat as he strokes himself to completion. His cum landing on top of your mound and dripping down your quivering entrance at the tail end of your ruined orgasm.

Baekhyun hums, lazily rubbing his tip over your sensitive core as he takes in the tears streaming down your cheeks; softly cupping your cheek as he waves the others away without a glance. He waits until they are gone before moving to release you, planting a kiss to both your red wrists before meeting your eyes with his now soft brown ones that you’ve come to love so much. “Next time talk to me first before dismissing anyone from work, okay?”

You look at him for a moment with a sniffle before nodding, letting him pull you into his warm arms. Your eyes narrow behind his back as he whispers sweet words in your ear..

Yeah, Baekhyun doesn’t expect to be put on probation from sex for the next two weeks..

Or the confirmed pregnancy test two weeks after that.

[artemiseamoon]

Welcome! I’m Arte.

Treat me to a Ko-fi  🎁 | Moi ☀️ | A03

Writing occasionally and ONLY on A03 as of 2023

No longer writing on tumblr (previews included) as of 2024

This is an adult 18+ blog, minors go away, you will be blocked

Requests CLOSED permanently

Full work shared on A03, previews to tumblr

My update news blog is: @artemiseamoon-updates

Reblogs: I use RB accounts for my reading list and to support others. Depending on what I’m sharing, it goes to at least one of these: @artesreadinglist @arte-is-now-reading @adrikamoon @narcos-narcosmx

Older stuff needs work and editing so sorry about that! Ignore the madness. New & improved edits of works will only go to A03

Shows, Fandoms, Movies

Interview with the vampire

Pitch Black (movie) - Stay in the light

Prisoners (movie) - Det. David Loki

House of The Dragon

On The Road (movie)

The Sandman

Mayans MC

Prospect film

The Bear

The Gray Man

Moon Knight

Narcos & Narcos Mx

Triple Frontier

The Punisher

The Mandalorian

SOA

Vikings

The Last Kingdom

Peaky Blinders

Black Sails

Star Wars | Rogue One | Andor

MCU

TWD: Negan, Shane & Rick

TVD/TO: Bonnie X Klaus

Actors

Pedro Pascal

Aaron Taylor Johnson

Ryan Corr

Chris Hemsworth

Boyd Holbrook

Chris Evans

Charlie Hunnam

Oscar Isaac

Garrett Hedlund

Keanu Reeves

Jon Bernthal

Ben Barnes

Manny Montana

Maurice Compte

Mads Mikkelsen

Joel Kinnaman

Mashups & combos

Roman Godfrey (Hemlock Grove) & Ivar (Vikings)

Roman and Ivar list

Skarsgard Brothers list

Challenges (active)

2023 Bingo writing challenge

Whumpril 2024

The moon in May

Arte’s year of whump 2023 (with fluff)

Writer Wednesday

Writers Iron Chef

Artes 2022 Frightfest

My other lists

What can be found there? (⬆️)

Past writing requests, Writing celebrations, My writer Wednesday pieces, Prompt lists, Specified reader lists (plus size, woc/black, Gn) and more!

Sideblog fics @amaryllisfoxglove

Reblog accounts & sideblogs

*Reblogs accounts is how I share others work.@artesreadinglist @arte-is-now-reading , @narcos-narcosmx and sometimes @astra-estelle-luna

All are multi fandom so won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. No pressure to follow those but if ya want, go ahead. Filter out the things that aren’t for you. I’m a multi fandom reader and writer with varying tastes.

Other blogs / special topics

Narcos Mx: @narcos-narcosmx

Gifs & art focused: @adrikamoon

2nd reading list @artesforlaterlist

Yeah it’s a ton of Sideblogs. But putting everything on main got overwhelming so i have to separate some things. 💕 this system works so much better for me

About this blog

Created and run by a queer brown mid 30 something gal

Me: Bipoc, Creole, Afro-indigenous & Afro-Caribbean

Sometimes nsfw

I will block minors and blank blogs (ageless too)

I’m not your mom, curate your own online experience, use the filter option to avoid things that bother or upset you

Don’t be an ass or a bully, I will block you

Multi fandom and no apologies, filter it what bothers you

Reader inserts

Reader inserts are ALWAYS of legal age! *

I mainly write f reader, she can be any race, any size

However, my fellow brown and black gals I’m always thinking of you when I create, even if reader is written openly.

No longer writing new reader inserts as of 2023 - moving fully to ocs - see why here

My ocs

I mainly write bipoc, mixed ethnicity, black and woc ocs

These can be read & enjoyed by anyone

I write my AUs in a way you can read w/o watching the show or following the fandom

🛑What I don’t write

RPF

Underage

Big Age gaps

Incest

Hardcore Non-con

About fic warnings

YES reblogs matter, don’t kill tumblr

No, I don’t do mass tagforms anymore

The future of reader inserts

✨As of now my A03 is only viewable to register users , here is why, here is a a03 user guide to those who need some help ✨

New here? Check this out…PSA

🎉Blog bday as a reader only (before this name) 9/1/2016 (my second go at tumblr)

🎉Blog bday as a writer and reader 11/2/19

✨ I noticed a mistake I made in some of my very early posts, I used the word repost instead of reblog 😕😕😕 I plan to fix that and comb thru all old works. Please know that’s a mistake, please do not repost my work. Reblogs are very welcome! Reposts are not and not cool to do.

[lavenderboneswrites]

Siren Izaya x pirate captain Shizuo, any headcannons other than it being like the little mermaid but gay and darker.

Oooh oh ooohhhh ! Okay let me preface this with saying I absolutely LOVE everything and anything to do with pirates! One Piece, Black Sails, AC Black Flag (the greatest AC game ever), Pirates of the Caribbean, Treasure Planet, Treasure Island (the book), Muppets Treasure Island. Seriously anything that has pirates? Sign me the fuck up because I am a slut for that shit. If ya'll have any good pirate shows/books please rec me because I will devour that like the kraken devours ships. Just everything to do with pirates, the aesthetics, the language, the big ships, the clothes, the tales, sailing the seas and having adventures. The idea of freedom and fighting against authority. *Mwuah* chef's kiss.

Alright, now that's out of the way I have to admit @scrambledshizaya and me have discussed a Disney The Little Mermaid au at length. Mostly just imaging merman Prince Izaya loving humans and being fascinated by them and longing to be 'part of their world'. Shizuo is of course Prince Eric and I love the thought of Shinra as Sebastian.

Anyway for a darker, pirate version. Yohohoho oh boy I gotta stop from making this just pirate shizaya. Okay so pirate captain Shizuo. He definitely would be considered a beast of the seas, a terrifying pirate with an incredibly high bounty with stories of terror and mystery surrounding him. Did he defeat the Kraken? Who knows? (I can see Shizuo wrestling the Kraken barehanded and yeeting it into the neighbouring sea). Anyway, there’s the tale of his battle with the great siren. Pirates, like sailors, are incredibly superstitious and the legend of siren’s bewitching men and luring them to Davy Jones’s locker is well known.

Izaya is one of these mythical creatures, obsessed with bewitching human’s with his beauty, words, and above all his siren call. However he loves humans and sometimes will forget to actually kill them cause he’s too busy just talking to them. Most actually die from their own stupidity (trying to fight a siren in open water is not a smart move), and really that makes Izaya pout cause he wasn’t done playing. (I imagine siren Izaya kind of like a mermaid but with a leopard shark tail and a bit more murky and dark, with vicious claws and shark like teeth (just imagine his wide lil grin with all those teeth omg bb). (I don’t know a whole heap about siren’s to be honest).

One night at sea, snow falls like infinity around the ship and Shizuo hears the siren’s call. He takes a harpooning boat out to investigate, going alone as the rest of his crew are much too frightened. Izaya swims up to him, very interested in this strange, unafraid human. Shizuo just grins as he spots him, thinking he’s never seen such a pretty prize before.

And Shizuo is the one human who is not affected by Izaya and that makes him incredibly annoyed. Shizuo just captures him in a net and Izaya is hissing like a little drowned housecat. A siren is a fine pet for the King of Pirates after all.

[oathofoaksart]

LEGION OF SUPERHEROES/DC OC: AMELIE “ZEPHYR” GWIN

bio under the cut!!

General Name: Amelie Gwin A.K.A: Zephyr; Zeph, Zephy, Amma Age: 16 [S1], 18 [S2] Gender: Cisgender Female Orientation: Biromantic Bisexual Occupation: Founder Legionnaire  

Race: Metahuman Location: Legion of Superheroes Headquarters; Earth Hometown: New Metropolis, USA; Earth

Relations Parents: Sinclair (deceased) and Cornelia Gwin Siblings: Sable, Kahlo, and Drexel Gwin Friends: Chuck “Bouncing Boy” Taine, Imra “Saturn Girl” Ardeen, Luornu “Triplicate Girl” Durgo, Tinya “Phantom Girl” Wazzo, Clark “Superman” Kent, Brainiac 5, Brin “Timberwolf” Londo, Galatea @generalfandomsofthefreak​, Reep “Chameleon Boy” Daggle, Rokk “Cosmic Boy” Krinn Partner/s: Garth “Lightning Lad” Ranzz (ev.); Mekt "Lightning Lord" Ranzz (AU) Misc.: Mekt Ranzz, Ayla Ranzz Affiliations: The Legion of Superheroes

Appearance Skin: Medium Fair, rosy undertones Hair: Jet black Eyes: Black; turn fully white when concentrating a heavy attack Height: 5’1” Build: Generally small, but limber; similar to a cheerleading flyer Distinctions: Considered averagely cute; often told she has big, pretty eyes. While she’s rarely out of uniform anymore, she has what’s considered a “tomboy-ish” style.

Personality

Energetic | Playful | Dedicated | Impulsive | Brash

Type: ESFP-A (The Entertainer) Temperament: Sanguine-Choleric Alignment: Chaotic Good

Lively, loud, fun-loving; Amelie takes the role of being the Legion’s resident jokester. Even during dangerous situations, Amma is given to flippant (and most of the time, cringe-worthy) wisecracks and one-liners, staying relaxed and seemingly carefree all the while. She’s shameless flirt, constantly spouting lame pick up lines to anyone she sees as the least bit attractive (although she does very poorly at actually getting a date). Despite her general goofiness, she’s incredibly dedicated to the Legion cause and her fellow Legionnaires, giving her 100% and beyond.

Amma’s happy-go-lucky attitude is for the most part, for the sake of relieving the stress that the life of a hero often brings. Not just for herself, but for her friends as well, however it’ll occasionally blow up in her face. While she might not mean to, she has a habit of coming across as immature and reckless, especially compared to the other founding Legionnaires. Over the years, this had started to shape into a suppressed inferiority complex that when exposed, leads to sporadic and intense clashes with others.

Powers/Advantages

Amelie uses air manipulation as an offset of telekinesis, maneuvering the air in and/or around objects she moves them to her will, including herself, enabling flight without the use of her Legion flight ring. She can also manifest her aerokinesis in strong gusts, whirlwinds, and gales. By controlling air waves, Amelie is capable of sound amplification and negation.  

Like all Legionnaires, Amelie owns a Legion flight ring, which enables flight outside of her natural metagene, provides communication between other Legionnaires, can emit light like a flashlight, and protects the wearer from the vacuum of space. The Legionnaire belt works as a cloaking device.

Amelie is unable to create her own atmosphere, she can only use the air that's already available; her powers are rendered useless in a vacuum. They’re also tied a bit closely to her emotions, she has a hard time reeling them in if her emotions get the best of her.

Biography

Amelie was first born to Sinclair and Cornelia Gwin, followed three years later by all male triplets. The Gwins lived a happy existence, making their living off the small but successful restaurant under Sinclair’s name. Amma was an active, sporty girl throughout all of elementary and middle school and from a young age was smitten with the idea of running the restaurant when she was old enough. Her parents were loving and doting of her and her brothers, but she was particularly close to her father, who was known for his jolliness and all around silliness.  

Tragedy struck the Gwins when Amma was twelve, her father was caught in the middle of an armed robbery while closing the restaurant. Sinclair was found dead at the scene. The Gwins stumbled at the sudden blow, Cornelia scrambled to not only trying to keep herself from falling apart, but console her children while keeping the business stable. Seeing her mother doing her best to keep everything cohesive, Amma did her best as the eldest of the children to comfort her brothers and help in any way she could in the restaurant.

The incident of her father’s murder molded much of her personality. She loved her father dearly and his death devastated her, but instead of allowing herself the time to grieve she took up Sinclair’s jovial disposition. She forced herself to stay strong for her family, shoving any of her own trauma down where no one could see it, and instead focused on trying to brighten everyone else’s day. 

The stress of keeping up her mask of cheeriness eventually came too much not more than a few months after Sinclair’s death. A particularly nasty crying spell came to a crux, alone in her room, Amma felt as if everything was too much and too soon, her feelings erupted. She didn’t realize the roar in her ears wasn’t just her blood rushing, but that her room had been seized by a whirlwind, ripping through posters and hurling around furniture. The noise alerted her mother, who came rushing to her daughter’s side, which proved nearly disastrous. The storm correspond to Amma’s emotions, who was now in a panic, as the wind tore the roof off and sent both Amma and Cornelia sailing through the clouds.

Amma, in what should have been a futile effort, imagined that they’d somehow make it down safely. When the force of the impact never came, the mother and daughter opened their eyes to see they were hovering unharmed over the remains of their house, the triplets staring up at them in awe.

Amma, due to the stress of grief that went unchecked, activated her own metagene.

The Gwins made their home at the restaurant, loyal customers and helpful neighbors contributed in making the place comfortable for them with generous donations. Meanwhile, Amma experimented with her new found abilities, all under the careful eye of her mother. While abilities such as her own was no longer too outside the norm in the 31st century, Amma couldn’t fight the feeling that her powers could perhaps make a difference, instead of having them just thrown under the rug as a quirk.

She developed the habit of dropping by the remaining superhero museums, Superman and the Flash, as they were the first few who came to time with abilities that helped the world. The prospect of being a hero herself was something that called her greatly, but Amma couldn’t think up a way to start. Her chance would appear however, just a little after her thirteenth birthday.

Once again roaming through the Superman Museum, Amma encountered three kids right around her age, huddled far off to the corner of the building. Experience in having three younger brothers who were more often than not up to no good, Amma tried out a new trick she had been practicing. By keeping together the air waves from their voices a longer distance, she was able to carry their conversation to where she was staying, essentially eavesdropping. What she thought was three kids potentially plotting to trash the museum was actually plan on solving the conspiracy behind the threat over billionaire, R.J Brande’s, head.

Amma practically forced herself into the conversation, much to the surprise of the other three. A Braalian with magnetic manipulation, Rokk Krinn, a Titinian telepath, Imra Ardeen and Winathian electrokinetic, Garth Ranzz. Rokk, Imra and Garth were skeptical of Amma, who shoved herself into their plans with no sense of the danger to come. She won them over however, by showing them her own abilities, namely, her flight and the ease of transportation it would bring. And so the four became a rag-tag team of heroes, coming together to save R.J Brande.

Brande was grateful for their quick-thinking and selflessness and in return now helps fund their team of defenders, The Legion of Superheroes.  

Amelie goes by Zephyr, a senior Legionnaire, and fights so that the galaxy can be safe from the likes of the Fatal Five and that no one should have to experience her loss.

Notes

Zephyr is a skilled cruiser pilot, since her abilities are void in space, she didn't want rendered useless. Her fighting style bleeds into her piloting, very quick on her reflexes.

Amma prefers to float everywhere rather than have her feet touch the ground, reason being she’s the second shortest member of the Legion and it’s hard to tell when she’s in the air.

One of the few things Amma takes with extreme caution is kitchen duty, she’s taken the title of the Legion’s Head Chef. Other Legionnaires take scheduled shifts helping her set up meals for the day. She’s surprisingly stern when it comes to the kitchen, from food preparation to cleanliness.

She’s notorious for developing inconvenient crushes, such as with a constant thorn in the Legion’s side, Mekt Ranzz, and far beyond her league, the President of United Planets, Winema Wazzo

Amma is well aware of her status as a founder, but dislikes drawing respect out through it. However, she does wish that her fellow founders took her a little more seriously, something that causes friction mostly between Cosmic Boy and herself.

She had originally named herself Gale Girl when the Legion first came to be, but with Imra, Luorno and Tinya’s hero names all ending in “Girl” as well, Amma wanted to stand out. Zephyr looks and sounds cool.

[artificialqueens]

Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor, 1 (Branjie) (and background everyone) - Ortega

a/n: hey everyone! no ur not getting deja vu, i’m reposting what i have of this fic again just with a few necessary adjustments if u kwam. rip all my notes and lovely comments as i’m going to have chapter 1 deleted after this for obvious reasons, so feel free to still leave me some luv bc i’m ngl, re-jigging two fics is taking it out of me asdfghjklkjhgfds. without further ado may i now present to you strictly au 2: electric boogaloo xo

(this one goes out to the anon who wanted radio 1 DJ Heidi Nina Closet xo)

fic summary: Strictly Come Dancing enters its 18th series and its producers, after being goaded by a rival dance show on its inclusivity, commission it to be an all-female cast. Unlike Akeria who’s just here to bone her potential dance partner, dancer Vanessa is ready to act like a professional.

And then TV presenter Brooke Lynn walks into the rehearsal room.

***

8th August 2020

Political correctness gone mad. Or at least, that’s what all the straight, white, 50 year old men have been tweeting. But the TV bosses thought that a same-sex version of the nation’s favourite dancing show would pull the viewers in, at least get some hype going like the good old days. The show’s been going since 2004, Vanessa thinks, as she rolls her neck and looks at the various alleged celebrities opposite them. This is what caused the death of the X Factor, all these sensationalist spin-offs, and now they’re doing the same with this one. She supposes the BBC were intimidated by Dancing on Ice, who had a single solitary same-sex couple on their show and were called out live by H from Steps. How humiliating. She’s only been part of the show for two years; this is her third, but her first one with a partner. She scans her eyes back down the line again, her gaze interrupted as Akeria whispers to her.

“Who you gunning for? I like that goddess, third from the right. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin. Shit, our babies would be beautiful.”

Vanessa pauses, looks at who Akeria’s talking about and snorts a laugh. “Keeks, that’s Asia O'Hara. The chef? She’s been on Saturday Kitchen a couple times.”

“You actually watch that shit?” Akeria side-eyed her.

“Hey, drop the judgemental tone, bitch! It’s easy, chilled-out Saturday morning viewing. Anyway, chefs? Nah. Two left feet and they stomp their way across the dancefloor.”

“It ain’t the dancefloor I’m worried about. I’m more interested in what’s going on in the bedroom,” Akeria wiggles her eyebrows, making Vanessa snort a laugh. Seeing her friend’s expression of disbelief, Akeria rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, Vanj. You telling me you never thought about it? A lil’ steamy affair? Get the Daily Mail’s tongues wagging?”

“Shut the hell up. You’re awful,” Vanessa laughs long-sufferingly in reply, casts her eyes back down the line of celebrities. Scarlet Envy is at the top- Vanessa knows her, she’s in one of the big soap operas. She’s talking quite earnestly to Yvie Oddly. Vanessa is aware of Yvie only because her niece is obsessed with her Youtube channel. What is it she does again? Gaming walkthroughs? She can’t remember. There’s a tall newsreader with dark hair that Vanessa doesn’t remember the name of but she knows that Jan’s eyeing her up from across the room, so even if she ends up being half-decent and Vanessa gets on well with her Jan will still cut her to make sure she ends up with her as a partner. There’s a black girl with a mane of dark hair and a gap tooth chatting to a blonde woman with glittery makeup, some pretty girls that must be influencers or makeup artists or something (in fact, Vanessa definitely recognises one from Love Island), and Monet X Change. Vanessa definitely knows her, and she’s quite surprised the show managed to net Monet given that most of the singers that appear on the show are usually washed up talent show rejects. Vanessa’s seen some clips of her touring, she knows she’s a good dancer. Maybe she’d be good.

Vanessa takes one final sweep down the line as she sees the producers readying themselves to begin. One, two, three, four…hang on. There’s only eleven celebrities, and unless she’s suddenly lost the ability to count Vanessa knows there’s twelve dancers. Maybe they were going to be more cutthroat than she thought, maybe this would be where they decide which dancers they’re giving partners to and which one they’re cutting. Vanessa nervously shifts in her character shoes as the producers begin their welcome.

As they’re talking, the huge rehearsal room doors burst open and a tall blonde comes rushing through them, dressed in white trainers, a baggy white gym top, and black Nike leggings. She looks on her way to be sweating half of her perfectly made up face off as she runs over to join the other celebrities, sweeping her long, curling-ironed hair up into a bun and apologising frantically as she does so.

“Kiki,” Vanessa whispers to her friend. “Who’s that?”

She feels Akeria shrug beside her. Luckily Monique is standing by her right side and has heard her question.

“Oh, bitch! That’s Brooke Lynn. She presents stuff.”

“What the fuck’s stuff?” Vanessa laughs quietly, not wanting to incur the wrath of the producers by talking over them.

“She did, uh…The Voice. An’ she did some kind of consumer show in the evenings. She does The One Show now. Bunch of boring ass shit, basically,” Monique waves a hand dismissively towards the end, gets distracted by a wink and a small wave across the room from Monet X Change.

“Damn. So they give her all the boring shows to present because they know people will tune in ‘cause she’s hot?” Vanessa muses. It’s just a fact, after all. She’s not been able to tear her eyes away from her since she rushed into the room. Vanessa hopes she’s a good dancer.

“Oop. Here we go already. The Strictly curse claims its first victim,” Akeria overhears her, sticks her tongue out at her as Vanessa bats her on the arm. The sudden movement causes one of the producers to whip round and glare at Vanessa and she immediately drops her arm and fixes him with an easy smile.

When she looks back at Brooke Lynn, she’s hiding her mouth with her hand and her eyes are twinkling at her in a laugh. Vanessa presses her lips together to keep from smiling back.

They all warm up together, even though Vanessa’s already warmed up, but it’s a good chance to see who has potential and who looks more like an octopus out of water with half its limbs cut off. She scans the mirrored wall as she rolls her shoulders in time with the EDM that’s blasting from the speakers. The blonde influencer-looking girl is fucked from the start, Vanessa notes. She’s rolling her shoulders both the wrong way and off-beat. One of the celebrities, the pouty one from Love Island, is already complaining that she’s pulled a muscle. Vanessa makes the executive decision that if she gets partnered up with her then she’s quitting the show and also possibly going on a killing spree in Elstree Studios.

Brooke Lynn hasn’t met her eyes since they caught each others’ earlier. She’s not being weird, it’s just an observation. Vanessa’s, however, have drifted her way a couple of times. Brooke seems to be sailing through the warmup that Jaida’s leading easily, and Vanessa notes how easily she’s managing the split stretches, how she can bend her body almost in half until her head touches the floor. She’s clearly had some sort of dance training before, and Vanessa thinks her good looks would just be a bonus of being partnered with her. She sweeps her gaze across the room again as she stretches out her other leg, her gaze landing on Yvie. She’s bendy, her forehead pressed to the floor as she stretches out and giggles at Scarlet beside her whose body appears to be made almost entirely of cardboard. Vanessa stifles a giggle herself as Jaida starts leading them in squats, hears Monique muttering something to her as she drops to the floor. Vanessa fixes her with a confused face.

“Think you’ve got an admirer,” Monique repeats a little louder, raising her eyebrows and jerking her head behind them to where the celebrities warmed up. Vanessa brings herself up out of the squat, whips her head round to see Brooke looking right at her.

Or rather, her ass.

As Brooke suddenly looks at about six different places in the room in the space of a second and her face turns roughly the same colour as a fire engine, Vanessa turns her head back round, trying to ignore the heat she can feel attacking her own face.

It’s kind of ironic that every year at least one couple is claimed by the Strictly curse and yet the producers still call the process of finding a potential partner “Speed Dating”. The curse is a phenomenon that Vanessa has felt the brunt of and knows all too well- a partner and a contestant, almost every year, end up either falling for each other or falling into bed with each other. It’s natural, she supposes- you can’t spend practically every waking moment of every day pressed up against someone else and not trip and fall onto their dick. However, this is a room full of girls, at least half of whom Vanessa knows are gay as all hell, and maybe this year there’ll be a bit more nuance and obliviousness and just general all-round idiocy.

Looking at the celebrities, she sees Scarlet joke-grinding against Yvie, both of them almost falling over laughing. Maybe everyone will be a little less oblivious than Vanessa has given them credit for.

One of the producers launches into a spiel about how the pairing up process will work. Everyone knows they won’t get properly paired up until the launch show, but this will be more of a chemistry test than a dancing test, he explains, to see who gets on with each other best. Then at the end, all of them will get to write down their top three potential partners.

“After all,” he laughs, “You’re going to be spending a long time together!”

There’s a polite bubble of laughter that pops in the room, and Vanessa feels her stomach explode suddenly with butterflies. What if she gets paired up with someone she doesn’t get on well with at all, never mind someone who can dance? Her mind drifts. Phi Phi’s standing beside her, her face set in a small frown. Vanessa whispers to her.

“Who you got your eyes on?”

Phi Phi doesn’t shift her gaze, and Vanessa follows it. Her gaze lands on the woman with the glittery makeup who’s laughing like a seal at something that gap tooth girl has said and isn’t paying any attention to what the producers are saying. “Anyone with a pulse who’s taking the competition seriously. I know who I don’t want, put it that way.”

Vanessa indulges her in a laugh. Phi Phi has reached the semi-final four times and has never advanced further, and her frustration is starting to show. Vanessa supposes she’s at an advantage here- she’s fresh on the show, she doesn’t have any chips on her shoulder. As she looks around the room, she can see each of the dancers’ past experiences reflected on their faces like battle scars: four-time World Championship finalist Courtney is smiling easily, happy in the knowledge that she won last year and will probably get a dud partner this year, Shea, former West End Choreographer who could literally get given Theresa May and still manage to advance to the finals has a calm exterior, and frowning determinedly is 2018 Latin European champion Vixen, who bowed out early last year with her partner and has expressed very openly and very loudly to everyone who’ll hear her that she’s going for the glitterball this year. In a similar boat is World Cup Freestyle Latin Champion Aja, who was up against Courtney in the finals last year and lost by only a tiny margin of the vote. The girl doesn’t seem bitter, but she’s already got her eyes trained on Monet and has clearly backed her winner already. Crystal is lost in a daydream, classic. To the untrained eye the girl may look as if she couldn’t even do the macarena in time, but the girls know better. Crystal is hard-working, determined, creative, clever, and one of the highest-ranking ballroom and Latin dancers in the country. Vanessa knows that whoever she gets as a partner she’ll be able to mold into something amazing.

Vanessa’s gaze then lands on Plastique. The girl is a fierce dancer and it’s her fifth year on the show already. If she’s nervous, she doesn’t show it. Then again, she trained under Alyssa Edwards so she’s very possibly not felt butterflies in her stomach since the year 2012. Vanessa’s eyes widen a bit as she notices Plastique eyeing up Brooke. She’s going to need to turn up the charm all the way to 100, as Plastique’s reputation precedes her and she’ll be top choice for a lot of the girls opposite.

One by one, the dancers introduce themselves. Vanessa keeps her introduction short and sweet. She doesn’t like to brag about her titles unlike some of the other girls, and she knows that her achievements are outshone by many so she focuses on the fact it’s her first year with a partner instead.

“I ain’t got a track record like Courtney, but I also ain’t got one like Monique either,” Vanessa jokes, her friend nudging her and shouting in protest as the other girls laugh. Monique takes it in good humour though- she’s been an early out for a few years in a row having kept landing Olympic sportsmen with limbs like toy soldiers, so it’s a fair enough comment. Vanessa continues, trying not to let her eyes land on Brooke all that much. “So whoever gets paired with me don’t need to be worried ‘cuz they’re gonna always end up being special to me. My first partner on the show, and the first person I get to experience it with. And I’d be happy to get any of you, because you all look nice and smiley an’ friendly!”

She adds in that last bit to come across as gracious, and it seems to work as the celebrities opposite all smile at her gently and she hears a couple of “aaw!”s thrown her way. She can practically feel Phi Phi, Aja and Vixen all roll their eyes at her, but she doesn’t care. It’s a point in her favour with the girls opposite at least.

After the professionals have all said their piece, the celebrities pipe up. To give them their dues, there are quite a few that Vanessa would be glad to be partnered up with. Peppermint, a TV journalist, seems like she’d be great to gossip with if nothing else, Gigi, the once so intimidating-looking model has got a goofy side that would keep Vanessa sane in rehearsals, and Instagram influencer Blair seems similarly sweet and is so eager to please that it almost hurts. Then Brooke steps forward, her expression the serene calm of a woman who’s used to speaking in front of an audience, and all Vanessa can think about is how much of a point that confident, in-control body language would be in their favour when they took to the floor in week one.

No, not when. If. She’s getting ahead of herself.

“Hey everyone! I’m Brooke Lynn Hytes, uh, I present stuff. I’m basically like Ant and Dec but without the loveable double-act element and the millions of national TV awards clogging up my trophy cabinets and gathering dust.”

Vanessa lets out a snort. The actual joke isn’t even that funny, but Brooke’s delivery was so deadpan and matter of fact that it made the whole thing ten times more hilarious. Akeria turns to face Vanessa, raises her eyebrows and hisses over to her.

“Girl. Any further up her ass and your new nickname is gonna be suppository for the rest of the season.”

“Uh, dance-experience-wise I actually have a fair bit. I did exams and dance shows in high school. I don’t know if I should’ve mentioned that, now you’re all gonna be fighting over me like a pack of zombies,” Brooke laughs. The other girls join in with the laughter and Vanessa shifts from foot to foot. Brooke doesn’t know how accurate she’s just been. Oblivious, she carries on. “So yeah! Good luck to us all. Please don’t tear me limb from limb.”

Another laugh that Vanessa joins in weakly with. Unsurprisingly, Brooke introducing herself to the room has done nothing for Vanessa’s nerves. She has a favourite now, but it’s akin to putting money on a greyhound race- it’s a complete gamble. She tells herself that she can’t pin her hopes on getting partnered with Brooke, even though that thought is a bit like locking a stable door after the pony’s bolted, or whatever the goddamn figure of speech is. As gap-in-teeth-girl who’s standing beside Brooke begins to introduce herself (Heidi’s a Radio 1 DJ, and that explains why her voice sounds so familiar) Vanessa jumps a little as she hears Monique whisper to her out of nowhere.

“Girl, Jesus. Dare you to be less obvious.”

Vanessa narrows her eyes at her as she turns her head. “What?”

“Brooke Lynn,” Monique cocks her head towards the girl in question. Vanessa keeps her gaze steely. “Put your tongue back in your mouth, sis.”

“Oh, like you’ve not got a favourite already,” Vanessa whispers back. She’s got the Monet card she can use if she wants to.

“You know you don’t have to take that partner thing literally, right? You don’t actually have to fuck the person you get matched with,” Monique shoots back, pressing her lips together to stop herself from laughing. Vanessa rolls her eyes.

“You’re being ridiculous. She’s got dance experience, the height difference is good, I could win with her. There’s nothing more to it than that. I’d be happy with any of these bitches.”

Monique raises her eyebrows. “You’re not tryin’ to be Miss World, Vanj, it’s okay to say you wouldn’t kick her outta bed.”

“Okay, so what about Monet? I’m sure the reason that you keep lookin’ all the way down that end of the room is definitely…shit, I don’t know…some sort of eye condition?” Vanessa uses her trump card, smiles and sticks her tongue out at Monique who gives her a little shove and clamps her mouth shut in a pout, knowing she’s been outmanoeuvred. Vanessa tunes back in to the introductions. The Love Island girl introduces herself as Farrah, and she’s pouting and asking the pros not to work her too hard. Vanessa thinks back to what Phi Phi had said. She’ll give the girl some credit. Maybe Vanessa should focus more on who she doesn’t want after all.

The producers start leading girls from their side of the room to the middle so that they form two big vertical lines in front of each other. Vanessa starts in front of Blair, who smiles kindly at her and appears too shy to speak. There’s no time for Vanessa to really attempt to strike up a conversation as they’re all getting shuffled around based on their heights. She watches as Brooke gets moved from in front of Aja, past Shea, past Crystal, and finally given to Jan.

Fuck.

Vanessa shakes the disappointment off. She’s being ridiculous, she knows she’ll get a turn with mostly everyone and the fact that Brooke’s tall, statuesque frame contrasts with her pint-sized self means that she’s a dead cert to get a shot at dancing with her. There’s not many people smaller than her so she knows she’s not going to be leading. This is good, as she’s obviously not used to it. The girls paired up with the smaller celebrities are going to have to work twice as hard.

Blair gets shuffled around to be partnered with Aja, and eventually Vanessa gets Gigi deposited in front of her. She gives her a friendly wave and a pleasant smile, and eventually everyone is paired up- for now. Vanessa looks over at Akeria, notices she’s been given Asia to dance with first. Akeria meets her gaze and gives her a smile that Vanessa doesn’t think she’s going to be able to wipe off her face until mid-June of next year.

As the producers give the girls some time to teach the celebrities an incredibly basic salsa step to start them off with, Vanessa relaxes as she begins talking Gigi through the steps. She’s glad she’s finally getting to do what she loves instead of being consumed by nerves and what-ifs. She knows how to dance and she’s good at it- it’s just a fact- and she knows she’s able to teach things, having helped out with the kids at her dance school when she was younger. To her delight Gigi picks things up quickly, and the two of them are simply dancing the same four basic moves in a loop as they move on to chatting.

“You’re a good teacher! It’s taking some of these other bitches ages,” Gigi laughs, Vanessa giving a guilty giggle at the comment as she notices Jadia, very patiently and very deliberately, walking Scarlet through the steps again.

“See, you wouldn’t think I never had a partner before!” Vanessa beams back at her, twirling around and landing back in Gigi’s hold. To some of the girls it might be a little awkward trying to make small-talk with someone they’ve just met whilst holding one of their hands and having another pressed to their back, but to Vanessa it comes naturally. She notices that Gigi is scanning the room and looking at the other girls. Vanessa knows a searching pair of eyes when she sees one. “You got your eye on a girl?”

“Well, you’d be good,” Gigi says immediately, although how much of that is out of courtesy Vanessa doesn’t know. “Or, I mean. Jaida’s a fierce teacher, and she’s won it before, right?”

Vanessa nods. She knows that Gigi is still holding back the namedrop of the girl she really wants. “But I guess, you know, Crystal’s a talent. It kind of seems like everyone sleeps on her despite the fact she’s got all these trophies and ranks so highly and she does ballroom and Latin. She ever won before?”

“Not yet. She got paired with some stompy politician last year and was an early out, but she made the semis before that,” Vanessa indulges her, although she’s quite sure that judging by the slight blush on Gigi’s face that she’s well aware of where Crystal’s ranked in previous seasons. Gigi seems nice, and she’s complimented Vanessa so she decides to throw one her way too. “You’ve got potential, you could take her to the finals easily. She could do a lot with you.”

“That’s sweet. Thanks,” Gigi smiles, Vanessa giving another twirl just as the producers get everyone to stop and switch round again. Time passes by in steps and twirls rather than minutes, but the variety of people she gets paired with ensures that things don’t become boring. Vanessa gets Scarlet, who steps on her toes about three times and, in her own words, dances like an inflatable waving tube man stuck outside a car showroom, then actress Willam, the one with the laugh like a seal and sparkly makeup and scant regard for the moves she’s been taught, preferring to make Vanessa laugh the whole time. After that she is paired with Jackie, the newsreader she’d noticed earlier. She shows promise but Vanessa does notice Jan’s head bobbing about looking at them from the other side of the room the whole time they’re together like an invasive meerkat so Vanessa does her a solid and talks Jan up a storm. She can’t really focus too much on Jackie, to be fair, because Plastique’s been partnered with Brooke and the two of them are already laughing and hitting it off with each other and Vanessa feels her blood fizz with determination.

Finally, mercifully, Brooke gets led down by one of the producers to stand in front of her, and for a moment Vanessa is tongue-tied. Brooke’s dark green eyes and her gorgeous face are a little intimidating, not that she’s got a crush or anything, and Vanessa feels herself growing shy for a second. But then she remembers that they only have minutes together, and if she wants to be partnered with this girl she’s going to have to up the charm offensive. The producers have been stalking the room like lions with notebooks, recording every laugh and lingering glance.

“Hey!” Vanessa starts cheerfully, fixing Brooke with the winning smile she always used to flash at the judges when she was competing. “I’m Vanjie. Well, Vanessa. Either. Is fine.”

Brooke smiles back at her despite the fact that her introduction was so awkward Vanessa feels like digging a hole in the ground and leaping into it. “Nice to meet you, Vanjie-Well-Vanessa. I’m Brooke Lynn.“

Before Vanessa can feel any more embarrassed at Brooke’s teasing, she takes a little bow and stands ready, her hand held out for her to take. "May I have this dance?”

Vanessa lets out a laugh at the cheesiness of it all, takes Brooke’s hand and stands in hold with her. Their hands seem to fit perfectly together and even though their bodies are still quite far apart Brooke’s hand on her back makes Vanessa feel close to her in a way she’s not felt dancing with any man before.

Monique’s teasing face appears in her mind and Vanessa shakes those particular thoughts away.

“I bet you said that to all these girls,” Vanessa quirks an eyebrow at her, and Brooke tilts her head to the ceiling in thought.

“Uh…no, don’t think so. Just you so far,” she shrugs, and it definitely doesn’t make Vanessa feel special in any way at all.

They start to step and oh shit. This is exciting. This is the first girl that’s properly led her, the first one that the moves have seemed to come so easily to, and Vanessa can feel her heart going like a train as she imagines what she could actually choreograph with a girl like Brooke to work with. She’s a bit quiet as she’s lost in thought, so she cracks an impressed face at the girl opposite her.

“You’re good.”

“Yeah, so are you,” Brooke looks at her a little funny, her face inquisitive. “Hey, how come you didn’t mention any of your accolades? Y'know. World Latin Champion 2016, four-time finalist. That’s a bragging right.”

Vanessa almost loses her steps she’s so shocked. How the fuck does Brooke know about all that? She’s not mentioned it. Brooke can clearly see the shock on her face and a blush hits her cheeks. “That probably sounds weird. I looked you up when I knew I was coming on the show.”

Vanessa laughs, pulls a face at Brooke. “Nah, that sounds even more weird. You’re just digging yourself a hole now.”

Brooke gives an embarrassed giggle, looks up at the sky to avoid Vanessa’s gaze and oh fuck she’s still moving perfectly and she’s not got her eyes trained on her feet holy shit. “No, I mean I looked all the girls up!”

Vanessa bursts out laughing again. The girl’s not helping her case. “Dig, dig, dig, bitch!”

Brooke squeals in protest as Vanessa feels her smile hurt her face. “You know what I mean! Ugh, God. Just answer the question and stop picking on me. I’m a very important celebrity. Don’t you know who I am?”

Brooke’s deadpan sort of humour is killing Vanessa. She tries to get out another jibe through her laugh. “Jesus, I hope that’s not how you normally interview people.”

There’s a pause as Brooke laughs back. Vanessa thinks over her question. “I don’t know. Guess I just didn’t want to come across like a showoff.”

“But it’s just a fact. You’re good,” Brooke shrugs. The praise makes Vanessa’s heart light up.

“An’ I guess I didn’t want the same as you. People fightin’ over me,” she shrugs back, making light of Brooke’s compliment. Brooke pulls a face.

“I don’t know about that, I think I’m going to have to fight off a couple of these girls if I want you,” she comments offhandedly, Vanessa suddenly feeling like she’d been shocked with a tazer. She’d been so focused on trying to charm the partner she wanted that she had no idea the celebrities would’ve been gunning for her too.

“Who wants to be partnered with me?” she asks, thinking retrospectively that she could’ve tried to appear a little less keen.

“Well, Asia’s making a bee-line, I know that much. And Willam was all smiles after she left you. And, I mean, I wouldn’t mind getting you either,” Brooke says, her last comment making Vanessa happier than it should.

“Wouldn’t mind? You’re gonna have to work harder than that,” Vanessa raises her eyebrows, faux-unimpressed. She has to slam her mouth shut at the end of her sentence to avoid tacking on a “baby” to the end of it. Jesus, what is wrong with her?

“You know they give us that card at the end where we write our top three partner choices on it,” Brooke continues. The fact she is trying so hard to come across as nonchalant is making her seem everything but, and Vanessa is loving it. “Hypothetically…would I be on yours?”

“Hypothetically? You might be,” Vanessa grins at her, spins round and misses the look that Brooke gives back at her. Is this flirting? She needs to stop.

“And, uh, hypothetically, of course, would I be first, second or third on that list?”

Vanessa looks to the ceiling, maintains the charade of not appearing overly keen. “At the moment, you are…third.”

Brooke’s face is so actively shocked that Vanessa bursts out laughing. “Third?! You bitch! Why?”

Vanessa composes herself. “Well first of all, I don’t know where you’re putting me on this list, girl, so I gotta hedge my bets. Second, I’m still trying to recover from wouldn’t mind, so that knocks you down a place. Also you just called me a bitch, so you’re now reserve-third.”

“If I told you you were first on my list, does that move me up a place?” Brooke smiles at her cheekily. Vanessa tries to keep a calm exterior and not show Brooke that she’s maybe-sort-of-a-little-bit melting at her words.

“You could. How do I know you’re telling the truth, though?”

Brooke shrugs a little. “Well, I guess you’ll just have to trust me.”

With that, Vanessa feels Brooke’s hand being ripped out of her own and coming to rest in between her shoulder blades, and suddenly she’s being dipped to the ground and brought back up again. She ends up pressed up against Brooke’s chest, her face tilted up to meet hers and her lips way too close to be good for Vanessa’s heart rate. She hears an impressed cry from someone- probably Monique or Akeria stirring the pot- and there’s a kind of hush that falls over the room in response to the move that’s a little bit more advanced than anyone was expecting.

“O-kay!” a producer exclaims, and Vanessa melts out of hold, only a little bit captivated. “If we could all switch round again, uh, I think we’ll have Aja with…Farrah-”

Brooke gives her a wink and a smile as she walks away towards Courtney who she’s been paired with next, and Vanessa attempts to compose herself as she gives a little wave back and tries to focus on Monet who she’s now in front of.

If things all ended up the way she wanted them to, this was going to be a very interesting season.