#blegh. everything feels messy and I just feel sad :(

[waterberry-strawmelon]

I feel like there needs to be a name for the specific type of emotion you feel when you’re around other queer ppl who you aren’t out to but they keep calling you an ally and you just have to sit there and choke on your own tight smiles and silence 🙃

[voiceless-terror]

And Many Happy Returns

a sequel (or companion piece) to Inseparable, my childhood friends AU. chapter 1 of 2.

“Next week?” Jon shrieks, slamming a hand down on his desk and startling the nearby students. “That’s not nearly enough time to prepare!”

Martin does that blinky-eye thing that means Jon’s being too loud, but he can’t help it! Martin’s turning eight in six days (less than a week!) and didn’t think to tell him. They’re best friends, he should know these things. He curses himself for not asking about this at the beginning of their relationship, when he was collecting Martin facts. Favorite color and book seemed more important at the time. 

And while Jon doesn’t think birthdays are that important, it’s still a fact he ought to have known. Well, his Nan doesn’t consider birthdays important. These past two birthdays he’s gotten one new (!) book and a dessert after dinner, but that’s about it. Nan doesn’t have money to spend on frivolous things, and Jon’s never needed much, but he wouldn’t mind a bit of fanfare. His mum always made sure he felt very loved- he got plenty of hugs, a fun cake, an outing where they would do his favorite things. But maybe that’s something only mums do. Nan, with her rare, stiff hugs and general stand-offishness was never one to put up much of a fuss.

“It’s not that big a deal,” Martin mutters, his pencil twitching in his hand as he refuses to meet Jon’s eyes. He doesn’t like it when Jon starts fretting about him. “We never do anything for it, anyway.”

Martin’s mum isn’t anything like Jon’s, that’s for sure. It’s not every day you turn eight. It’s a nice number, very even and divisible. Much better than boring old seven. When Jon turns eight, he’s going to get fifteen extra minutes added to his curfew, and he’ll be able to walk to the corner store all by himself. He’s already walked there several times, but it’ll be nice to have permission. That’s the real treat.

“So you’re not going to bring in cupcakes for the class?” he asks, remembering the last birthday they celebrated- it was Lydia’s, a quiet, unassuming girl that Jon doesn’t mind but also doesn’t think much about. As soon as Jon asks it, Martin gets that sad look in his eyes again, the kind that’s always followed by an “I’m sorry” or something equally nonsensical. Jon hates that he’s the cause of it, him and his stupid mouth. Think before you speak, that’s what Nan always says. She says that for most anything he talks about, though, so he takes her advice with a grain of salt.

He reaches out to pat Martin’s arm consolingly, giving him his best sympathetic head tilt. “It’s alright. I’ve never brought any in either. Just thought I’d check in case you needed help bringing them to school.” Jon’s not very good at carrying things, but for Martin he would make an attempt.

“That’s nice of you,” Martin replies, though it’s not really nice, it’s just a normal thing a friend would do. Jon’s read books about it, he ought to know. “But yeah. I don’t think Mum’s planning anything, much less making cupcakes. She’s really busy.” Martin’s always saying how busy his Mum is, but Jon’s pretty sure she doesn’t do half the things around the house that she’s supposed to. Martin already knows how to cook and make tea and do the laundry without hurting himself. It’s very admirable. The last time Jon attempted to do laundry, he flooded the cellar.

“Do you like cupcakes, though?” Jon asks, scooching closer to Martin’s desk. “Lydia’s mum brought some for her birthday, but they were all carrot cake. Blegh.” He makes an exaggerated face to get Martin to laugh. It works.

“Carrot cake’s not so bad,” Martin says, poking lightly at Jon’s hand with the eraser of his pencil. Jon flinches back dramatically, putting on his most wounded look. “You just don’t like it cause it has the word carrot in it.”

“I don’t like it cause it has actual carrots in it,” Jon sniffs, turning away from Martin to show his displeasure. He decides not to talk to him for the rest of the day, or at least until he has something else to say to him. He’s got a lot on his mind now, and he needs to be left alone with his thoughts. Besides, Martin will poke him again once he gets bored enough. 

Jon flips open the school planner that he’s never used for actual school work and starts to write. He’s got a birthday to plan, and he’s going to give Martin a Mrs. Sims birthday special.

______

It’s a Thursday, which means Martin can’t play on account of his many, many chores. Jon hates Thursdays.

But this time it works in his favor, as he’ll actually have time to plan without Martin thinking something’s up. Jon very rarely cancels on Martin; he’s his most important (and only) friend. But he does on occasion get a little mixed up. One time, he thought it was a Wednesday instead of Thursday, and wound up at Martin’s flat when he didn’t show up at the park. Martin was very nice about it, though, and gave him a cup of tea to ‘calm down’ to drink in the hallway, before he went home. Martin thinks a cup of tea is calming. It doesn’t really do much for Jon, but it is tasty, and Martin gives him extra sugar just the way he likes.

But today is most definitely a Thursday so he scurries on home, slamming the door open and screaming a greeting to Nan that goes unanswered.  She must be off at the shops, otherwise she’d be giving Jon an earful for being too loud. He kicks off his shoes and gazes at the picture of him and his mum on the wall. If his mum were here, she would know exactly what to do to make Martin’s birthday extra-special. But she’s not, and Martin’s mum seems like kind of a jerk, so it’s Jon’s responsibility. “I won’t let you down,” he solemnly tells her smiling face, and turns to take the steps two at a time.

After grabbing his planner and throwing his backpack into the corner,  he pulls out the chair to his messy homework desk, which is usually only used for doodling or writing stories or reading when he wants the activity to feel more official. He flips open his planner to next Wednesday, Martin’s birthday (!!!) and taps his pen impatiently against the page. 

What do birthdays need? Food. Presents. Happiness. The first two might be a bit difficult to pull off, considering his lack of money and cooking skills. Martin deserves a lot more than stale discount biscuits from the grocery. He can get those any day.

But a whole cake is going to be hard. If Nan won’t make one for Jon on his birthday, she most certainly won’t do it for ‘his little friend,’ even if she thinks he’s a good influence. Martin is always very quiet and polite when he sees her, and Nan always gives him a smile in return for his good manners. She doesn’t smile at Jon like that. He tamps down his jealousy and gets back to birthday thoughts.

He thinks he had a purple- or was it pink? - cake on his fifth. It saddens him that he can’t remember. He thinks he’d forget his own mother’s face if he didn’t look at it every morning and night. Memory’s fickle like that, as his Nan likes to say.

Maybe, if he’s very nice and good tonight, Nan will take him with her on the weekly shop and he can convince her to get Martin a cupcake, a good one. One that doesn’t have any carrots in it, even if Martin says they’re alright. He must like them so much because they’re orange, like his hair. Unsurprising. 

He stops wiggling in his chair and straightens his back, as if Nan can see him in his room right now. It’s good to practice, he thinks. If he can sit still all through dinner and not make a mess, she’ll come round. 

Next, an essential part of any birthday: a good present.

His mum never really showered him with gifts, but she always gave him something good, something from the heart. The last present he received - Augustus, an orange cat plushie- still sits on his bed. It’s kind of babyish to sleep with a stuffed animal at his age (or so Marcus declared during recess one day) but Jon doesn’t really care. It helps him sleep.

Unfortunately, Jon can’t buy Martin a stuffed cat. He doesn’t have much money except for what he’s found on the ground and in sofa cushions. And he’s supposed to give that to Nan if he finds it (which he does, mostly).

He could be creative. Make him something. Jon’s not very good at crafts, though. And he doesn’t have a lot of supplies. But he has almost a week to figure something out, minus the times he’s playing with Martin. Well, even then he can stare at him and hope it jogs a good idea.

Lastly, he’s got to make it the happiest, most special day he can. Martin should feel special all the time, but Jon knows how hard that is, especially when you go home and you’re lonely and it seems like you’re the least special person there is. But if Jon is very nice to him and makes the day as fun as possible, maybe he’ll be able to keep that happiness all night, even when Jon leaves. 

That’ll be the hardest part, Jon thinks. He’s not the type of person to make someone happy. Sigh in aggravation, maybe. Roll their eyes. But Martin does neither of those things, so Jon might have a chance. He’ll try and ‘tone it down,’ though. His Jon-ness can be too much at times, and he doesn’t want that to get in the way of what should be Martin’s day.

Everything’s going to be perfect. 

________

And then it’s Saturday, and Jon still doesn’t have a present for Martin. 

He somehow managed to get Nan to agree to the cupcake bit- he’d asked very politely, ate all of his dinner and didn’t spill a thing. Though he thinks it has more to do with her liking Martin. She always acts surprised when she sees him over, like she’s shocked Jon kept a friend for longer than a week. He’s not that bad. But Tuesday she promised to take him to the grocery with her, so it’s fine. One part of his plan is done.

But the present. 

Actually buying something is clearly out of the question- he already exhausted his Nan’s good will in that department. And Jon, for all his usual creativity, is plum out of ideas. He could give him one of his books, but he does that already without prompting. He doesn’t have any good toys, and Martin certainly isn’t getting his best pen, the one that glides real smoothly on the page.

“Are you alright?”

He’s been staring at Martin too long. “Of course,” Jon snaps. “I just like your shirt today, that’s all.”

Martin looks down at his worn t-shirt. It’s not Jon’s favorite, but it’s Martin’s, so he likes it. “Thank you!”

“You’re welcome.”

They’re out in the woods behind Mr. Fletchley’s house to investigate what Jon thought was an ancient ruin but just turned out to be a couple of crumbling cinder blocks. It was an incredibly disappointing find, but Martin wasn’t discouraged.

“We don’t know where they came from, or why someone dumped them here,” he reasoned, a hand on Jon’s shoulder. “What if they were stolen? What if they’re part of a...a crime, or something?”

Jon doesn’t know what crime would need a cinder block, but he intends to find out. They’ve been walking down the relatively short path (it’s not so much woods as it is a cluster of trees) and haven’t seen anything suspicious, besides a few empty wrappers and a particularly sharp stick that Jon’s been whacking against the ground. He thinks it could’ve been used as a weapon.

“What are you going to do when you’re eight?” he asks, nudging Martin in the side. He hasn’t mentioned his birthday since the first time, so he’ll be in for a real treat come Wednesday. Jon just hopes he can think of something good in time.

“Mm, I don’t know.” Martin slows down to a mosey, and Jon tries to match his strides no matter how much he wants to jump ahead. Martin’s a real ‘slow down and sniff the flowers’ type of guy. Jon’s more of a ‘run ahead and accidentally trample them’ type. “Probably the same as I’m doing now. It’s not like it’s an important age. I can’t drive or anything like that.”

“It’s a very important age!” Jon insists, though he doesn’t have much to back that up. He’s mostly just excited because it’s Martin’s very first birthday with him. “You should look forward to something.”

“I dunno, I don’t want anything to change,” Martin says, his face going a little red as he stares at the ground. “I’d just like to spend more time with you. Have fun. That kind of stuff.”

Jon blinks. “We do that now, though.”

“Yeah. It’s the best.” Martin gives him a toothy grin, the kind that Jon puts away and thinks about later when he’s at dinner with Nan or getting ready in the morning. People don’t smile at him like that, only Martin. He does it all the time when Jon tells him a good joke, or shares his food, or passes him a particularly funny doodle.

And now Jon’s got the perfect idea for a present.

part 2

[callsign-bunnie]

Dependencies pt 1

Fandom: Thomas Sanders Pairing: Analogical (Anxiety x Logic) Warnings: dark themes. You guys know me by now. Virgil’s anxious thoughts are stated. Allusions to sex. (Lust mention.) Food mention. Notes before going in: those who have been following me know by now that I am uh... not all sunshine and rainbows when it comes to my writing. My stuff can get pretty heavy and often pretty dark. However, any trigger warnings will be tagged. And if you ask me, I will tag specific non-general triggers in any future chapters or works. If you simply don’t want to see a fic in general, I would suggest blacklisting the name, which will be in the tags. Thank you. Summary: Logan is very neat and controlled. Virgil is the opposite. Logan, 30, is the leader of a well known underground crime network, though he specifically has managed to remain anonymous, very few knowing his identity. Virgil, 23, on the other hand, is an artist who hates talking to people and has chronic anxiety. Virgil and Logan are thrown in each other's paths when Virgil gets Logan as his professor in the math class Logan uses as a cover identity. (And guilty pleasure but he’ll never admit that.) Already, Logan is... intrigued.

Sometimes, our darkest secrets aren't the ones we hide the most. For Logan, possibly his lightest secret was the one he hid the most. To quickly raise in the ranks, he had to give an appearance of being cold. Unfeeling. Sociopathic. And while yes, he could be considered a sociopath, he could feel some things. Anger. Love. Lust. Happiness. As much as Logan tried to hide this secret, the feelings were drugs for him, just as addicting as Heroin or Cocaine. And anything that sparked these feelings was considered precious to him. He needed it.

However, Logan was incredibly intelligent. This was perhaps how he managed to keep himself from gaining a... dependence. And perhaps how he rose so fast in the ranks. He'd learned by now to never do his own dirty work and to stay detached from it, as well. Lest whoever does it is stupid enough to be caught. Many of his higher-ups had not learned this and of course paid the price for it, once the police caught on. Another lesson he'd learned from observing his higher-ups was to never leave a paper trail. Of course, keep track, but always have a fail-safe. Logan had taken to keeping his documents in a barrel that one could simply throw a match in and light it up. He'd also learned not to trust the internet unless using some kind of code. Unfortunately, lackeys were not good at recognizing and remembering codes. So, he just left all of his business to over throw away phones and in business. Maybe requests and commissions could be taken over the internet, but through nothing that could be traceable and he was always sure to keep his interactions vague, going through a lackey who typed differently so even that couldn't be tracked. And possibly the most important thing he'd learned; have an excellent cover. His being a math professor. He was seen as dorky by his students. No one would ever even suspect him of being who he was.

Of course, maintaining of these self-imposed rules required immense discipline. Possibly even an obsession with order and control. Fortunately, Logan had both of those qualities.

Virgil was the opposite. While Virgil was clever, he wasn't very academic. And his darkest secrets were the ones he kept deepest inside himself. Virgil also had a problem with feeling too much. All of his life, he'd been considered too emotional. Too... anything, really. He'd been told this many times. He figured by this point that if he was too much for people, he might as well not bother them. Other people never usually had anything interesting to contribute, anyway. He was also incredibly out of order.

His room was usually a disaster. And he managed to trip over everything. You'd think this would lead him to keep the floor clean, however, he just didn't care enough to bother. He also didn't care to bother cooking, so he'd become accustomed to eating ramen and anything microwaveable. And take out, when he could afford it. He didn't have a job, however, he received money from his parents and an allowance from what was left of his college fund and then later some weird source? On to that, later.

His parents weren't wealthy, however, and his college fund's remains were not grand. So, he sometimes had to go without a meal or two. Whatever, though. It wasn't a big deal to him. He barely thought about it.

Virgil had taken up art to keep from thinking about certain things. It was much easier to ignore issues if he was focusing on lines and color schemes, instead. Art was also a way to release pent up frustration, sadness, even happiness. You'd think happiness couldn't be pent up but when you talk to literally no one, well... it happens. So, he'd found an outlet. A relief. And just as emotions were intoxicating to Logan, art was just as intoxicating to Virgil. Granted, he wasn't making art most of the time, but he was usually thinking about it. Plotting out pieces he wanted to make, deciding where to fit yet another piece on his wall, what color fit what he was feeling, etc. Honestly, the thoughts alone seemed to help at this point, allowing him an outlet where there wasn't usually one

.Virgil stumbled into Logan's sight when he went to his first math class. Stumbled being literal, as Virgil almost tripped and hit his head on the fire extinguisher by the door. Luckily, he was early, always terrified of being late to a class due to having to walk in and everyone watch him walk to his seat. The idea filled him with dread. He hated it. So he made sure to be early to each class. Being early also had the perk of getting to choose his seat. Which he quite enjoyed. He almost always chose a seat in the back, however, math was a difficult subject for him, so he begrudgingly sat in the almost front. Okay, really, he usually sat in the middle of the class. People in the back were usually considered to be angsty, in the front to be go-getters. And nobody thought about those in the middle. It was the perfect place. But in college, with large class sizes, sitting in the middle often meant being unable to focus for Virgil. And since he already struggled with math, he usually decided it would be best for him to sit closer to the front.

He was already dreading this class, however. As he knew he would likely be close to failing it if he didn't ask for help. He'd struggled enough the year before. This year would likely be the same, if not worse. So he was already gearing himself up to have to talk, blegh, to his teacher in order to ask for tutoring options. Much fun was in store for him this year, because then he'd have to talk to whoever was tutoring him. Yay. Oh well, he was taking two art classes this year, so at least he had that. He was already finding himself daydreaming about them. They were independent art classes, which basically meant he got to create whatever he dreamed about creating.

So at least the year wouldn't be so bad, right? And he was... mostly fine in all of his other classes. So no tutoring there. Just math would be difficult.

As expected, he spent most of the class way behind and struggling to comprehend what the professor was saying. The professor was semi-friendly. Was mostly that dry professor who was kind but you could tell they wouldn't take your shit. Virgil tended to like those professors, as they usually left him alone, unable to remember every student. Unfortunately, once Virgil would make his presence known to this professor, he was sure they would remember him and he'd be stuck dealing with them until the end of the year. Yay, again. At least this professor wasn't a fast talker. That would be a struggle if they were. Well, more of a struggle, anyway. He was able to catch some detail, so it definitely helped. He'd taken to writing, in messy inconsistent shorthand, what the professor was saying to try to organize later. He never really got around to later, but hey, he was trying, at least, right?

His anxiety got worse and worse throughout the class, and needless to say, this was not helping his focus. He was dreading having to ask for help. So it was making his anxiety flip out. However, he managed to swallow it, tapping out his racing heartbeat on his stomach in his pocket as he went up to the professor's desk at the end of class. "Professor? Can I talk to you?"

"Of course, Mr..."

"Storm. I'm Virgil Storm. I um... Well, I have a tendency to struggle in Math and I was hoping you could have any tutoring recommendations?" Virgil asked, almost too quiet, but luckily he was heard.

The professor nodded and seemed to glance Virgil up and down. "I do offer tutoring hours of my own. I typically teach until five and I offer to tutor between 5 and 9. However, I will only allow up to an hour, since I'm assuming tutoring will have to be a regular thing?"

Virgil turned red and nodded in answer to the question. "Yes, unfortunately." He was managing to slow his tapping, though. Which was good.

His professor laughed, suddenly, and then stated,  "goodness, you don't have to keep standing. Sit and we'll discuss a time to meet up."

Virgil turned red again and pulled up a chair, sitting in it and slouching slightly. "Since this is my last class of the day, I think tutoring at five would be helpful... So I could just hang around here, you know?" And his tapping sped back up, worried the professor would think that was a dumb idea.

"That would work out. I suppose it might help you to remember, as well." He nodded.

Virgil relaxed and nodded again. "That too. I'm sorry, I forgot your name..."

"Oh, of course. It's Logan Fairling. It's fine if you just call me Dr. Fair, however." Dr. Fairling answered, nodding

.Virgil nodded a bit and relaxed more. He knew he tended to overthink, but it really was a relief when he was wrong. "Thank you, Dr. Fairling. When do you think it would be best to start?"

"Hmm..." Dr. Fairling stopped and seemed to think for a moment. "Perhaps today. Since we already started with a lesson, I believe it might be good for us to start sooner rather than later."

Virgil was a bit surprised but he decided Dr. Fairling was right. It would be good to start earlier. However, he was already nervous about it. What if Dr. Fairling decided Virgil was too dumb to be helped? That he was helpless? It got too much to keep tapping out his heartbeat, so he switched to fidgeting with the sleeves instead, making sure to hide it under the table. "Alright. That sounds like a good plan. I'll come back here in an hour."

"Perfect." The professor nodded and then allowed Virgil to leave.

As Virgil left, he rubbed his throat, finding it a bit sore after talking so much when he usually didn't.

As Virgil left, Logan leaned back in his seat, tapping his pen against his chin. "Hmm..." He felt something unfamiliar but not unknown start to bloom. However, he just couldn't identify it. However, he did know that Virgil was already quite... intriguing.

-----

I will tag people if they want me to. I don’t really care how you ask, I’m not particular.

[lavender-hemlock]

Aw.. Shit, here we go again. (Questions below the cut because I’m not an asshole like the below.) 

@kazexvoss

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

1. What is you middle name?

Marie

2. How old are you?

23

3. When is your birthday?

October 7th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Libra

5. What is your favorite color?

Burgundy

6. What’s your lucky number?

7

7. Do you have any pets?

One dog

8. Where are you from?

The US-Tragedy-A

9. How tall are you?

Hahaha.. 5′.  10. What shoe size are you?

Size 6

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Probably over ten.. and more than half are boots. 

12. What was your last dream about? Asked by breaking-from-grace

13. What talents do you have?

I guess I have a talent for my empathy, art, and writing? Not sure what merits as a talent without being overzealous. 

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I’ve been called a witch because of intuition for emotions of others? Or being scary close to presuming things. 

Sadly can’t bend any spoons, stay tuned. 

15. Favorite song?

Toooo many. Music is too vast to pick just one, but I’ve been listening to Day Dreaming - Jack & Jack a lot lately. 

16. Favorite movie?

Probably the Phantom of the Opera version with Gerard Butler. 

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone who is capable of respecting the flow of my energy. When I need space, when I’m all for being close. It isn’t that I’m picky or moody, but I know what I need and also don’t need them being worried when I’m just being quiet and reading a book. It’s just a mutual respect and understanding. 

Ya feel? 

18. Do you want children?

Yeah. Which is weird to think about. I’m not in any rush. 

19. Do you want a church wedding?

I think it is right for me to pursue it, but kinda no. I want a venue probably really low key done up in lights, curtains, and simplicity that doesn’t need a huge budget. Its about the bond, right? 

20. Are you religious?

Yep, I am a christian. 

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

I have! I had a piggy bank get knocked on top of my head when I was little and my mom rushed me to the hospital. I think that was the first time I saw stars. Only time though!

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Yeeeeap. 

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes! I’ve been fortunate to meet a few bands and also see the cast of Fast and the Furious. I got to go on set for the 5th movie! I was lucky. 

24. Baths or showers?

Showers. 

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Black. I hate this question. I’m looking at only one person rn. 

26. Have you ever been famous?

Kinda? Yet I think famous in this way is very subjective? I had my old (and first) RP community for like eleven years. Its not fun when everyone knows your name, I’ll tell you that. You get put on a pedestal or get called terrible things if you don’t respond. It was a whack time. I don’t miss it. I was just famous for the designs I would put for the community and being like a “veteran” member with tons of “powers” (community bling). Blegh. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Nope. I admire those that do great things and gain that attention for the work they have put in, but its a double sword. Everyone knows your business and looks at you. Seems like a ant under a magnifying glass analogy.  

28. What type of music do you like?

I like a lot of pop/alternative. I listen to generally everything except some heavy techno/bass stuff isn’t really for me. 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nope, don’t plan to. What if a snake bit my ass? How do I explain that to a doctor. 

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3!

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

I have to pick one!?

32. How big is your house?

It’s modest. 

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Asked by Caewen!

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Yes! I have been trained to use one strictly for defense over the home. What a sad world. 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

No, but I wish!

36. Favorite clean word?

Cleaaaan? 

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck. 

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Hahahaha 72 hours. I like sleep. 

39. Do you have any scars? Asked by Sangria-Fangs!

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Yeah! It’s.. okay. Kind of creeps me out tbh. 

41. Are you a good liar?

No. I would psych myself out. 

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Yeah. It took a lot of fuck-ups to figure that out!

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Poorly. All of them. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

No.

45. What is your favorite accent?

Gosh. British or Australian. 

46. What is your personality type?

INFJ. 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Boots! 

48. Can you curl your tongue? Cries. Asked by Caewen. 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie. This is weird. 

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed!

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Don’t @ me. 

52. Favorite food?

Snow crab.

53. Favorite foreign food?

Italian. 

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

SO fresh and SO clean ~

55. Most used phrased?

”I dare everyday.” She says before she does something stupid. 

56. Most used word?

Ye. 

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Anywhere from 5 minutes to over 30 minutes. There is no inbetween in this. 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

Either the biggest in the room or the smallest. There is no inbetween. 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

BITE. 

60. Do you talk to yourself?

When I’m trying to focus really hard. 

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Only to myself, yes. In my car and forgetting there’s someone in the car next to me? yes. 

62. Are you a good singer?

I’d like to think so. 

63. Biggest Fear?

Snakes. 

64. Are you a gossip?

No, but I’ll discuss, not spread. 

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? Asked by Hingan-Fox!

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I like both!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Unfortunately. 

68. Favorite school subject?

Literature. 

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Kinda inbetween. Ask me on a random day, it may be one or the other. 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No but it sounds cool!

71. What makes you nervous?

Confrontation. 

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Kinda. 

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

It depends on the thing. If its not my place, I won’t. If they’re ignorant, it depends if its worth it. If they deserve it- passionately. 

74. Are you ticklish?

I will stab you. 

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Nope

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Yep!

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yeeeap. 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Mary Jane. 

79. Who was your first real crush?

A boy in kindergarten who drew me cards everyday and left them in my desk each morning. ; ; 

80. How many piercings do you have?

None! Needles and I do not work out. 

81. Can you roll your Rs? 

I can’t even curl my tongue and now I get this question. 

82. How fast can you type?

90 WPM average. 

83. How fast can you run?

Fast as fuck boi. I’m just memeing now, aren’t I? Just trying to get through this. I don’t think anyone will get this far. 

84. What color is your hair?

Dark brown!

85. What color is your eyes?

Green-blueishhhh. Depends on the day/lighting. 

86. What are you allergic to?

Wax and bees. 

87. Do you keep a journal?

I used to until someone read it lol. 

88. What do your parents do?

Work? 

89. Do you like your age?

I kinda have to? 

90. What makes you angry? Asked by Caewen! Oo boy. 

91. Do you like your own name?

Yeah, I’d say its just fine. It’s mine.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Jace and Claire. 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Happy with either.

94. What are you strengths?

Empathy, understanding.

95. What are your weaknesses?

Patience (depends), Failure. 

96. How did you get your name?

They said they just shouted it out until they figured they could say it everyday for the rest of my life and not get tired of it- and the meaning is pretty. 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I don’t think so. Never looked into it. 

98. Do you have any scars? Asked by Sangria-Fangs!

99. Color of your bedspread?

White.

100. Color of your room?

White, greys. I like snow and furs and lights. 

Now, after all that- I am clearly no bitch @kazexvoss. Do yours. 

[ladyknight1512]

I don't normally do these sorts of things but I've had a long day and I'm in the mood to answer some questions. I'm not doing it ask-style, though, I'm just gonna answer them because I love me a questionnaire. There are a ton, so most of them are under the cut. I found the questions here.

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

I’m not a cereal eater these days because milk doesn’t really agree with me and I don’t like soy. Back in the day, though, it was always more cereal than milk.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Not especially but I don’t dislike it either. It’s one of those things I just don’t think about.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

I collect bookmarks so I usually just use those. I did use a wedding invitation a few weeks ago, though.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

Tea-wise, I only drink peppermint, so that’s just a teabag and water. For coffee: if it’s just instant at home, I go two sugars and a dash of milk.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

Yeah, because I’m pretty sure my eyes are different sizes - they’re definitely not the same anyway - so if I do one of those excited grins, my right eye scrunches up in a weird way that the left eye doesn’t and I hate it.

6: do you keep plants?

I keep a plant. It was a wedding favour from a wedding I went to at the end of October. It’s a succulent and I’m pleased to report that it’s still alive.

7: do you name your plants?

Nope.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

Writing. It’s the only one I’m good at.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

I’m constantly singing or humming to myself, which is weird, because tuneless humming is the worst noise in the world for me.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

Side, usually.

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends?

“Now kiss.” - @tansy-c​

12: what's your favorite planet?

I’ve always been drawn to Jupiter - I’m a Sagittarius so maybe that’s why.

13: what's something that made you smile today?

My cat when she did one of those half-flops so she was half on her side and half on her back with her two front paws hanging in the air. She’s the cutest, ok?

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

Books everywhere. Comfy chairs. And I would bring a shit ton of merch with me so she’d just have to deal with that.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

Apparently, the sun makes a full rotation once every 25-35 days. And there I was thinking that the sun just hangs there doing nothing.

16: what's your favorite pasta dish?

Spaghetti bolognese. Classic.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

I’ve always wanted to go blonde but my hair is pretty dark and it would be too much work to maintain for my lazy arse.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

Can’t think of anything with my friends but when I was 12 I said in front of my whole class that James Cook first came to Australia in 1901. Which was only about 200 years off.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

Nah. I had one in my early teens but it was full of the same teenage angst as everyone else’s and now I can’t be bothered.

20: what's your favorite eye color?

Blue or green.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

I’m not really a bag person (shoes, though...). I just have a massive black one with a patch of furry leopard print on the front. It fits all my everyday stuff: book, notebook, 65 pens, water bottle, phone, charger, wallet, sunnies. You know, the basics.

22: are you a morning person?

No.

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

AO3. Just fic after fic. Also food.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

My bff. I’ve told her many a thing while drunk; she probably knows more about me than I realise she does.

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into?

...I’ve never broken into anywhere.

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

I have more than 20 pairs of shoes at last count. The only ones I wear regularly are just my black ballet flats because they’re useful for everyday wear.

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor?

Grape.

28: sunrise or sunset?

Sunset (sunrise is too early).

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

My bff while drunk is pretty adorable because she forgets that there are some things she probably shouldn’t say out loud.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Yes, twice.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

I hate socks. They’re ugly and they feel weird. I would rather have freezing feet than wear socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

I’m actually a 90-year-old granny on the inside so I’m never out later than 12am.

33: what's your fave pastry?

I mean ... is any pastry really bad? I’ll eat any and all pastries but I am fond of a blueberry Danish.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

I got a stuffed Babar for my third birthday and I still have him today. His crown is pretty much non-existant and his trunk is bent to the left because I used to carry him around by it. And my cousin ripped his arms off once and my grandma had to sew them back on. But otherwise, he’s looking pretty good for his age.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I am an editor. Loving stationary is in my DNA. There is no feeling better than opening a new notebook and starting to write with a brand new pen.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now?

Something quiet and mellow. Maybe a slow Reba McEntire song.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

It’s currently half and half. I was in the middle of a massive clean out when I got spectacularly busy with work so I just sort of dumped all the stuff I hadn’t got to wherever it fit. I’m looking forward to getting back to them. I’m aiming to be cleaner.

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

Humming, as mentioned above. People who don’t signal when they turn or change lanes. Slow walkers! Someone save me from slow walkers. People who don’t know how to properly use the tools and programs their job requires.

39: what color do you wear the most?

Blue, but no particular shade.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you?

For my 21st birthday my mum bought me a love heart pendant with diamonds in it. I’ve worn it every single day since.

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving?

‘Kings Rising’ by C.S. Pacat. I’m sure there have been more recent ones, but that was my automatic response.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

I’m not one to sit in a coffee shop usually. I do catch ups with my bff at a Gloria Jeans but we only go there because it’s halfway between each of our houses, not because of the atmosphere. They recently redecorated the place, so the seats are new and comfier now.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

Probably my brother, but that was when we were kids.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

I ... don’t remember ever feeling that. My brain is hard to stop. There’s always something to think about.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

Yeah, usually, but they often align with my head so that helps.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

Some aquatic mammals escaped from the zoo. It was otter chaos.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

Artichokes. Blegh.

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

I was pretty scared of spiders as a kid. Still scared of them. Needles (as in injections and vaccinations) give me panic attacks, though.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

I do because I’m old school like that. These days I’m only trying to buy physical copies of things I absolutely love. The last CD I bought was ‘Flicker’ by Niall Horan.

50: what's an odd thing you collect?

I collect bookmarks. Not sure if that’s odd, though.

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

Every time I hear ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran now I think of my high school best friend, because it was her first dance song at her wedding (the one I got the plant from).

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

I like the one of the guy looking over his shoulder at his girlfriend looking at him in horror.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

I’ve seen Rocky Horror but that was years ago and I don’t think I remember enough to comment. The songs are good. Who doesn’t love the Time Warp?

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

My aunt, when her mum died.

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point?

Probably Googled. Not dramatic, but it’s the easiest way to prove things these days.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

Just really cute things they do, especially if they’re not typical of their age.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

I always start grinning like a lunatic when I Bohemian Rhapsody starts. And yeah, dramatic reenactments are a must. It often makes me think of Glee, though, because it was used in Season 1 when Quinn gives birth to Beth.

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

Honestly, I’m probably the vodka aunt. I have no class when I drink, because I try really hard to stay classy.

59: what's your favorite myth?

I always liked the one about Hades and Persephone.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

I’m not a huge reader of poetry but I want to read more. I’ve always really like the Romantic poets. My absolute favourite poem is ‘The Lady of Shalot’ by Tennyson. I first read it in my early teens and I’ve read it a number of times since then, and what I love is how my reaction to it has changed as I’ve aged. When I first read it, I thought it was incredibly romantic. Now I think it’s unbearably sad.

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received?

One year, for the work Kris Kringle, I gave someone a dragon statue. But not a straight-up good one; it was cheap and trying so hard to look good that it was pretty ugly. In fact, it was so bad, that it came back around to being cool again. I don’t think I’ve ever received a stupid present. If I have, I’ve blocked it from my memory.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

No, but orange is my juice of choice.

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

I’m in a constant state of wanting to reorganise my books by genre but there are so many and I have so little time that they just stay where they are. But at least I know where they all are so I guess in that way they’re organised.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Very pale blue, because the sun is so bright it’s basically white.

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with?

Some old work friends because I haven’t seen them since I started working from home.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Something delicate, because my head is small, but vibrant in colour.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Lazy. They make me want to sit around and just do nothing.

68: what's winter like where you live?

Pretty wet, in recent years, but it doesn’t get crazy cold. I think the coldest it usually gets during the day is about 10-12 Celsius.

69: what are your favorite board games?

We have this game called Talisman, which I love because you can play as different characters and you get different abilities and different positives and negatives depending on what you play.

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

No.

71: what's your favorite kind of tea?

Peppermint.

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it?

I’m a chronic note-taker but my memory is generally pretty good. I was one of those kids who never had to study to get As because I just always remembered stuff.

73: what are some of your worst habits?

I’m a terrible procrastinator.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Kooky and fun, and always creative and thinking outside the box. They’re extremely loyal and hates saying no, even to a situation they have put themselves in.

75: tell us about your pets!

Her name is Lizzy (yes, as in Bennet). She’s a cat. She’s just turned 3. She’s a grey tabby with white and caramel bits. She’s super inquisitive and not scared of anything (except loud cars and the vacuum), sometimes to her detriment. She is the cutest cat in the world. She likes cuddles, but only on her terms. Under-the-chin scritches are her favourite kind of scritches. She loves to play and run around. Her favourite toy is a little horse that was actually mine (it was a Christmas gift when I was about 7); I gave it to her as a kitten to distract her when she was being naughty and then she adopted it. We’re convinced that she was the bully of her litter.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't?

I probably could have been doing some more work when I started this but now it’s after 6pm and my day has ended.

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

Neither?

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

The Indifferent Club but edging towards Hate now.

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

My bff crocheted me a Babar for my birthday last year. That was pretty awesome.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

Ugh. They’re baby pink because that’s the colour they were when I was born. Repainting is too much effort because my furniture is too bulky to move. The colour is the reason my parents decided this would be my room, which is totally unfair because it’s the smallest bedroom by a mile and I’m the oldest.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

Geez, that’s too much effort for this late in the day. I dunno. Brown, like tea-stained water?

82: are/were you good in school?

I was. Academics have always come naturally to me.

83: what's some of your favorite album art?

I have no idea. I don’t really pay that much attention to it.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

I would love a tattoo - I know where and what it would - but the needle-phobia is standing in my way.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

I don’t read them, but C.S. Pacat has just started releasing a series of comics and she’s maybe my favourite author so I’m reading them.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

Sure, because as a writer, I love things to have a theme. But I don’t think I own any.

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Harry Potter, obviously, and ‘A Single Man’.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

I really like Impressionism and Romanticism

89: are you close to your parents?

To my mum, I guess, but there are definitely things I know I would never tell her, even though I’ve told my bff. My dad annoys me most of the time. My bff says it’s because we’re too similiar but I don’t like thinking about that.

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

I’ve lived in Melbourne my whole life and it’s a pretty good place to live, all things considered. I love that’s it’s cultural and academic and more intellectual than, say, Sydney. Also, great coffee and food.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

Nowhere.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Drown in cheese, every time.

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most?

My hair is pretty long right now and it’s super annoying and it’s hot so I’ve been doing one of those half-ponytail things, where you just do a ponytail but don’t pull it all the way through the last time.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

One of my friends who I went to uni with, and he helped get me my first job in publishing and we’ve worked together a lot over the years. We’ve known each other for 10 years.

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

It’s my birthday this weekend so that’s happening. I’m hanging out with some friends on Saturday and then I’ll be working on Sunday.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I usually just do them quickly to get them out of the way.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

The last test I took said I’m an ISTP; Sagittarius; Ravenclaw.

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

I was 14, on a school camp. No.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

‘She Used to Be Mine’ by Sara Bareilles. ‘You Will Be Found’ from Dear Evan Hansen.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

The future, because the past is somewhere I’ve already been and there’s no point in going back.