#but my point still stands. idk. I think I’m being a lil over dramatic but sue me I’m fucking tired.

[waterberry-strawmelon]

I feel like there needs to be a name for the specific type of emotion you feel when you’re around other queer ppl who you aren’t out to but they keep calling you an ally and you just have to sit there and choke on your own tight smiles and silence 🙃

[ickle-ronniekins]

black & white

request: from nonnie: ASDFGhjkl. Why are your fics so CUTE? 😭 Can I request a cute and cheesy George proposing to the fem!reader—and they’re wedding? 💜

desc: a love story unfolded via a timeline of events and colors. based on the song ‘black and white’ by niall horan

pairing: george x fem!reader

word count: 5.5k

warning(s): lil bit of angst, alcohol, some sexual content if you squint but it stops before things ~heat up~

A/N: this is just pure fluff. may or may not have cried at the cheesiness. idk. i’m a cheesy gal. can’t help it. i’m in love with a fictional character. sorry i went a tad overboard with this. also let’s pretend ~voldy~ doesn’t exist in this k? reminder that my requests are currently closed, i am merely working through the requests already in my inbox. i do not give permission for my work to be posted on any other platform.

Red

Red, hot fury swept through your bones as you watched him laugh hysterically alongside his brother. You balled your fists together, ready to throw a punch, but you knew your mum would lock you in your room until you were forty years of age if you even thought of throwing hands.

George Weasley was a pretentious little git. It was bad enough that he was your neighbour and you had to see him and his equally annoying twin in the village nearly every day, but what made it even worse was that for whatever reason, he’d chosen you to be on the receiving end of all of his pranks. His mother, Molly, was not for it -- she often gave her sons a solid tongue lashing, but it clearly never made an impact, for each and every day they were back to their normal mischief, seeking out ways to make you shake with anger.

“Weasley!” you squeaked as he and his brother ran back across the field toward their home. You loathed the idea of being in the same school as him in just two years time. At least here, at home, you could escape to your own house and your own room, far away from the boy who teasingly threw a red paint balloon all over you and your new dress. But at school, well -- the castle was only so big, wasn’t it? You weren’t sure how far away from him you’d be able to get.

You watched as he and Fred ran away, their giggles echoing through the air on top of the hill. You looked down at your ruined dress and screamed. You reckoned you’d never be able to love the colour red ever again -- not when it had ruined your beautiful purple dress, and especially when it was the colour of his annoying, messy hair.

Yellow

“I’m really sorry.”

He was standing across from you in the field. You thought about telling him that you needed to take four showers in order to get all of the red paint from your hair, and that your dress was permanently stained, but instead you folded your arms across your chest and huffed a bit. Not even magic could salvage it.

“I promise, I mean it,” he squeaked, as if he could read your mind. He seemed sincere, but he was always getting into all types of trouble, wasn’t he? Perhaps he was as good a liar as he was a pranker.

You kicked at the dirt, unsure of what to say. “You ruined my dress.”

“I know, I’m really sorry,” he said again, “it was all Freddie’s doing! I know he normally takes charge of pranks, but blimey, I told him it wasn’t a good idea.”

You arched your eyebrows up in surprise. “You did?”

“Yeah,” George told you. The wind ruffled the leaves on the tree next to you both, and you watched him tentatively as a big smile split his face. He wandered over to the tree trunk and picked at the flowers that were growing at the base. Then he turned around, marched right over to you, and handed them to you.

Yellow dandelions. You peered down at them, and then looked up at him in surprise. This wouldn’t fix your dress, but he was trying, at least. You noticed the dimples that appeared on his cheeks when he smiled. “Pretty flowers for a pretty girl.”

You couldn’t help it; you blushed and looked toward the ground. You picked a bit at the flowers and met George’s gaze once again. “You still owe me, Weasley.”

You both heard Molly calling him for dinner. “Okay, mum!” he called back, his voice echoing against the wind. He turned back toward you. “Promise. I owe you. I also promise to kick Fred’s arse since it was his idea anyway.”

A squeak of a giggle emitted from your lips and you watched as George Weasley skipped all the way home.

Blue

All of Ravenclaw house erupted into cheers as the colours of the Great Hall changed to celebrate the momentous occasion of your house winning the Quidditch Cup. It had been a neck to neck match against Gryffindor, but had you not caught the snitch before Harry, they would have had it in the bag for the third year in a row.

“At the risk of sounding like I’m pro Ravenclaw, I’ve got to say, you guys put up a great match,” you whirled around in the crowd and saw George standing in front of you. He had his hands in his pockets and he shrugged, clearly upset at a Gryffindor loss, but at least they hadn’t lost to Slytherin, right? “You really are a wicked Seeker.”

“Thanks, Weasley,” you said triumphantly, both pleased with yourself for winning but also feeling a little bit guilty for beating Gryffindor.

“When did you get so good anyway?”

“Hmm,” you placed your hand to your chin and pretended to be deep in thought, “do you mean, how did I get to be so incredible? I don’t have an answer for you, truthfully, reckon I was just born with it.”

Students filtered around you both, and you watched him laugh as blue confetti fell around the both of you and the rest of the Great Hall. Personally you thought it was a little much, but the captain had insisted. You met George’s gaze again though, and rolled your eyes.

“Oi, mate,” you heard Fred call. He reached his twin and threw an arm around his shoulders, “what’re you doing over here, conversing with the enemy?” You rolled your eyes yet again, something you found yourself doing quite often with the two of them, and Fred just grinned obnoxiously at you. “Only joking, Y/N. I suppose if anyone had to beat us, we’re glad it’s Ravenclaw. But if you repeat that, we’ll deny it, I swear to Merlin.”

“My lips are sealed, Freddie.”

You bid them both adieu before turning back to your house, celebrating and clinking your goblets of pumpkin juice together, and through the yelps and the cheers, you missed George say to Fred that he actually quite liked the way the Great Hall looked, all decorated in blue.

Orange

“How about you get to work on the ground Unicorn horn, and I’ll try and get this water crystalized?” you offered.

Today’s lesson was to brew the Oculus Potion, in the event any of you ever needed to restore someone’s sight. In an attempt to separate them, Snape had paired George with you and Fred with another Ravenclaw who didn’t look happy at all at the prospect of having him as her partner. You peered over the cauldron at George and said, “No worries. We’ve only got thirteen steps. I reckon if we keep at this without any distractions, we’ll be finished before the rest of class.”

“Better get cracking, then,” George replied.

The two of you worked in comfortable silence; you tensed a few times when Snape meandered by your table, peering down into your cauldron and scoffing, for you were certain that an attempt at any type of potion would never live up to his unrealistic expectations of two sixteen-year-olds.

A little while later, you realized that the heat emitting from all of the cauldrons was making the entire classroom incredibly warm. “Blimey, could he open a bloody window, or something?” you asked, ignoring the fact that there were absolutely no windows in the dungeons. George laughed and continued to add the crystalized water into your cauldron as you pulled your sweater over your head, leaving you in your white button down and blue and grey tie. You pulled your hair back off of your neck and said, “Alright, be sure to only add the water until it turns indigo, George.”

The poor lad hadn’t been paying attention, because your potion was far past indigo at this point. In fact, it looked as though it had turned a deep, navy blue, bordering on black, as George peered at you with soft eyes and continued to pour in the crystalized water, not realizing that he was messing up your carefully brewed potion. A snapping noise pulled him from his thoughts, and a slight explosion erupted from your cauldron and caused black smoke to cover George’s face and hair.

Most of the class began to laugh, but Snape angrily shushed them and sauntered over to the two of you, clearly giddy beyond belief that he was able to deduct points from both of your houses for causing such a ruckus in his precious dungeons. George wiped a bit of the soot from his forehead as you poured in the antidote and giggled.

“Merlin, I’m sorry -- didn’t mean to get points taken from your house.”

“Eh, it was bound to happen sooner or later.. don’t worry about it. Look! Good as new,” you clapped your hands together as the potion turned to the desired shade of orange before the final two steps. You met George’s look through the orange haze over your cauldron and asked him, “What had you so distracted anyway, Weasley?”

“Oh, erm -- nothing,” he replied a bit quickly. It didn’t go unnoticed how he’d stumbled over his words and immediately went back to looking rather intently at the directions. You bit back a smile and looked back down at yours too, unable to rid yourself of the nerves bubbling up inside of you as George looked up once again, stealing glances at you through the orange mist as nerves overtook him, too.

Green

“You had no right to do that! What the bloody hell were you thinking?”

George was standing across from you on the empty dance floor; the Yule Ball had ended abruptly and each and every student had filtered from the Great Hall and back to their respective dormitories, per the teachers. The two of you had managed to stay somehow, now more than ten feet away; you looked at one another with envy as a dramatic scene unfurled between you both.

The entire night had been nothing but a dream, up until that one dance. You’d waltzed in, your light green dress swaying beautifully near your ankles, your hand wrapped around your date’s arm. You waved to your friends, who stood with their respective dates as well, and promised yourself you’d catch up with them at the end of the night when you’d undoubtedly have stories to tell them of the most magical evening of your life.

Except that wasn’t how it worked out, had it?

“He was all over you!” George called, and you noticed how prominent the veins in his hands were when he threw them up in the air. “You said no, didn’t you? He asked you to come back to his dorm and you’d said no. Did you expect me to stand there and do nothing when he grabbed your wrists and tried to pull you there?”

George was right. You had said no, and truthfully, the way your date had grabbed you and attempted to drag you back to his room had really frightened you. You reckoned it was the firewhisky he’d drunk earlier that evening -- he wasn’t violent or anything, but he seemed desperate to get you there. All George had done was step in and stand up for you, so why on earth should you be angry at him?

You didn’t want to give George the satisfaction of letting him know that he was right. You were mad at him for other reasons, anyway. It should’ve been you that he asked to the ball, not that other disturbingly annoying Beauxbatons girl. It’s like he’d picked her particularly because he knew her annoying, bubbly personality and thick French accent would get right under your skin.

You softened a bit as you took a deep breath. “I appreciate what you did, George, but it wasn’t your place. I can take care of myself. He nearly knocked you right out!”

George winced at your words and brought a hand to his black and blue eye. He hadn’t even had the time to grab some ice and place it to the injury, and it was now rather swollen. “I don’t care if he knocked me to the bloody ground, I wasn’t going to let him do that to you!”

You couldn’t help it; anger took you over and you were saying things you shouldn’t have before you could second guess yourself. “Well you know what, George? Perhaps he wouldn’t have had the chance to try anything with me if you’d just bloody asked me to the ball first instead of that stuffy Beauxbatons girl!”

You knew your words hurt him, but you didn’t care. He looked as though he’d gotten the wind knocked out of him; he stepped backward and faltered a bit. His breathing became heavy and irregular. “You already had your date when I asked her, Y/N -- don’t you dare try and pin this on me.”

He was right, yet again. You couldn’t help it. Big, fat tears were falling down your face now and you reckoned you wouldn’t be able to salvage the rest of the hideousness that was this evening. You wiped your tears with the back of your hand and noticed the smears of black mascara and eyeliner on your skin. He inched forward now and opened his arms, but you backed away, still not ready to show him any affection.

You were being a git, but the truth was, you’d waited until the very last possible second for George to ask you to the ball. So when he didn’t, you begrudgingly agreed to the Hufflepuff who’d stepped forward and asked you himself. And as you walked swiftly passed George and up the steps to your common room, you realized that though you’d said yes, your heart had been with the Weasley boy you so adored the entire evening.

In truth, what he’d done was brave and full of love and passion. But you were still filled with hurt.

The green monster of jealousy that you’d felt when you’d watched him dance with his date was such a vice, but you just couldn’t help how you felt.

You left George alone in the desolate Great Hall as he let his head fall into his hands, pushing down his fury and tears.

Grey

You hadn’t gone back to him, that boy from the Yule Ball. You thought about it, but you figured you’d spare George more anger.

He’d approached you, your date, the day afterwards, apologizing profusely for his behaviour and how embarrassed he was at the whole ordeal. He’d asked you for lunch, only if you were okay, and you politely declined. “Friends,” you’d said, and he smiled pitifully, but gratefully, and took your hand in his to shake it.

It was so stupid, wasn’t it? Fighting with George over this. So he hadn’t asked you to the Yule Ball, so what? It wasn’t the end all, be all, was it? And he’d stood up for you, hadn’t he? When things had gotten a little out of control. He hadn’t been your date, but he had been your saviour.

It had only been a week since the dance and you two hadn’t said a word to one another. Fred had begged you too. “Come on, Y/N, you know he’s real sorry. Can’t you just forgive him? Blimey, it’s a right difficult thing to do, splitting my time between you both.”

You merely pressed your lips together and huffed. “He can come apologize to me himself, Fred. He doesn’t need you to do it for him.”

But later that afternoon, you figured, why wait? This whole thing was so dramatic and stupid. And so after rereading the same page eight times due to your lack of concentration, you jumped up from your chair in the Ravenclaw common room and made way toward the Great Hall, as fast as your legs could carry you. You were just going to tell him exactly that -- that this entire thing was dumb, and that you were thankful for him, and that bloody hell, you missed him. Perhaps it was a bit dramatic -- it had only been six days, right? You couldn’t help it. You missed him. You missed him a lot.

The thought of finally speaking to him after a very dramatic week apart made your heart flutter, and a very wide smile split your face just as you were about to round the last bend before the Great Hall.

And then you saw it. Them. Tucked away in a corner near a deserted classroom -- tangled together, George’s hands on her waist, hers in his long red hair. Her lips nearly on his. Smiling, giggling. Kissing him.

That bloody annoying Beauxbatons girl.

You stopped short and nearly tripped over your own two feet. You opened your mouth to speak but just let your mouth tremble in silence as you watched them snog one another. Her laugh was so painfully sugary sweet, you felt as though you’d like to rip your own hair out.

You were surprised how quickly the sight of them had sent your heart plummeting into your stomach. Somewhere in the few moments when you stood there in shock, your vision had become blurry and your face had become wet. You wiped at it with your sweater sleeve and sniffled quietly so they wouldn’t hear you. You spun on your heel and sped back toward your common room, wondering what the bloody hell had come over you when you thought of apologizing to him. You just wanted to get back to your dorm. Or perhaps back to your house in Ottery St. Catchpole. Stupid, silly girl you were.

If only you knew that George had spotted you before you’d left and froze solid in the spot he was standing, ignoring the forwardness of the Beauxbatons girl attached to his arm, his heart and mind chasing you all the way home.

Purple

The Ravenclaw common room was completely empty except for you. You always did this, though -- each and every year, you were always the last to finish packing. Not because you were a procrastinator, but because you hated admitting to yourself that another year was over, and you were another year closer to impending graduation.

Someone popped through the door and said your name softly. You turned and saw George standing there with a small smile on his face. “Hey,” he said, “train’s here. You almost ready to go?”

You groaned and looked back down at your trunk, now fully packed. “If I’ve got to be.” You felt like an absolute idiot that those few words brought tears to your eyes so easily. “Oi, here I go again.”

George laughed lightly and pulled you into a hug. “We’ll be back in no time, you’ll see again how quickly the summer holidays go.”

“But George, it’s our last year!” you cried. And then you took a deep breath to calm yourself down, because you didn’t fancy the idea of boarding the train with smudged makeup and a red nose. “Anyway, shall we?”

When you grabbed your trunk and headed toward the door, George gently took your hand in his and turned you around. “I’ve got something for you actually.”

You wiggled your eyebrows at him and clapped your hands together. “A present? It’s not even my birthday.”

But then you wondered if it was actually a present he wanted to give you, because he took your other hand in his and squeezed them, a serious look on his face. Your features twisted into that of confusion, and you’d be lying if you said that your heartbeat didn’t increase at the sight of him looking at you so earnestly. “What is it?”

“I’ve been a real git this year. Specifically, the Yule Ball. And a little while after that.”

You laughed and playfully shoved him. Though you still felt the sting of those few weeks, you two had managed to patch things up. He hadn’t lasted that long with that Beauxbatons girl anyway. “George, we’ve been over this, c’mon -- you were only doing what you thought was right. I’ve forgiven you, you know.”

“I know,” he smiled, and you could tell that he was equally as glad as you were that you two had placed that argument behind you. But what you two hadn’t touched on since then was what you’d said to him in a fit of fury: Perhaps he wouldn’t have had the chance to try anything with me if you’d just bloody asked me to the ball first instead of that stuffy Beauxbatons girl!

Of course he’d wanted to ask you. He’d wanted to ask you more than anything in the entire world, but each and every time he’d opened his mouth to say something, he couldn’t. Bloody nerves, and all that. Then he went and acted like a prat, making you cry, and he vowed to himself that he’d never make you cry again, unless it were happy tears.

“I realized I’ve never properly made it up to you -- not asking you to the the Yule Ball in the first place, and that time when we were nine.”

You raised your eyebrows suspiciously. “When we were nine? What the bloody hell happened when we were nine?”

And then he pulled from his pocket the most beautiful lavender pendant you ever did see. The circular stone was outlined in the same silver as the chain, and the sun flooding in from the windows made it sparkle more than anything you’d ever seen in your life. Your breath caught in your throat and you looked back and forth from the necklace to George, and back again.

“I ruined your purple dress, remember?” he asked you. He laughed a bit, probably thinking about the ridiculous way you’d looked with red paint splattered all over you. You couldn’t believe he remembered that. “Now, it’s not a dress, but seeing as we’ve grown up a bit since then, I reckoned you’d prefer something a little nicer.” He swallowed over a lump in his throat before continuing. “I never fancied her, you know. That girl from Beauxbatons. I just...” he trailed off, searching for words he couldn’t seem to muster up. You wondered if he could hear the dramatic thump of your heart, beating loudly in the heavy silence. “It doesn’t matter. It was you I wanted to be with that night, and long after. I still do.”

Then he brushed aside your hair and placed the pendant around your neck. You peered at him through blurry vision, and surprised yourself that you were now crying due to the tenderness of his touch and the emotion in his gift and not that you two were about the board the train and leave school, no longer the same two people you were just a few moments ago.

You did the only thing you could think of and you threw your arms around his neck and kissed him. You felt his shock, but it took him only mere milliseconds before he was kissing you back. In truth, you’d been wondering what it would feel like to kiss him -- the taste of him, the feel of your limbs entangled together, exactly how high your heart would soar. It was exactly the way first kisses were meant to be -- slow, and easy, and warm, the way it’s supposed to feel after having swam all day long -- your body limp and muscles de-tensing. You moulded perfectly with him, and when gravity (or rather, the first signal of the train’s departure) pulled you from one another, he peered at you with such affection that you felt as though you might explode.

You grabbed the pendant and held in gently in between your fingers, already having memorized the outline of the silver and the different shades of purple within it. “I am so bloody happy you threw red paint at me that day, Weasley.”

He laughed haughtily, throwing his head back before swinging an arm around your waist and pulling your trunk toward the exit of the Ravenclaw common room. “Merlin, me too.”

White

You were sitting at your kitchen table, ignoring the massive amount of work in front of you to admire your other hard work. Your cozy little flat looked just as you always imagined it would, with the added bonus of your boyfriend in the corner of the front entrance, fixing a loose coat hanger on the wall.

Never in your life did you imagine that things could be as perfect as this.

You couldn’t help but wonder if it would be a flat you two would share one day.

You got up and brought with you his half empty glass of wine and handed it to him. Gratefully he took it and sipped before pressing a feather light kiss to your forehead. But then you gently traced his jawline with your finger, down his neck, across his collar bone until he followed your move and leaned in to kiss you. It was soft and chaste and everything like your first one had been. But as the alcohol worked its way through your veins, you found yourself pressing yourself harder against him.

A moan of content escaped him as you bit down on his lip and slipped your hands underneath his shirt, hands pressed against his chest. Unashamedly, you pulled him toward your bedroom, and he placed his empty wine glass next to yours on the table as he kicked the door closed.

The two of you fell backwards onto the bed in an entanglement of limbs. He hovered above you, dropping down a bit to press light kisses to your neck, in between your collarbones, behind your ears, against your jawline. You so desperately wanted to feel his weight on top of you, and so you yanked him firmly against you and kissed him in a way that there was no aching way that he wouldn’t be able to tell exactly what you wanted.

He began to undo the buttons on your shirt, taking time to press kisses into your chest at the exposed places before he stopped himself and gently ran his hands across your hips, and then your cheek. His voice was merely a whisper in the deafening silence, “Are you sure?”

He gazed at you with such tenderness and love that you knew he’d stop, if you’d asked him to. He wouldn’t go another inch further if you weren’t ready. And for you, that was more than enough.

“I’m sure.”

He sucked in a breath and dipped down to press lips to yours gently before continuing to make light work of your clothes. He explored every inch of you, and the sensation of his lips gently grazing your skin caused you to arch your back in pleasure. You could feel him smiling against you, wildly in love, handling you with such care as if you were a tiny glass figure he was afraid of breaking. He held you so delicately and worked his way through each and every single one of your wants with slow and gentle hands.

You’d known it was love with him; maybe not consciously, but you’d known it long before now. Love, filled with intensity and desire and longing, in its most vulnerable and fragile form -- pure, and blinding white.

Pink

The summer air wafted in through the open window in the kitchen, and you listened to Mrs. Weasley hum some Muggle song as she set the table for dessert. You placed the finishing touches on the lemon meringue pie you baked, special because it was George’s favourite and Mrs. Weasley had insisted.

You had to admit, he’d always had the outside exterior of a tough guy, but owning a business did absolute wonders for his confidence. You noticed the way he stood up a little straighter, smiled a little bigger, and most of all, just how much he gushed about all the plans you two would be able to act on, now that you were both making income of your own.

“Merlin’s beard, Y/N, you’ve absolutely knocked it out of the park with this pie, if I do say so myself.” Arthur’s praise was nothing short of wonderful; you felt the tips of your ears turn pink at his compliments. By the way Ron slouched back in his chair, looking rather chuffed indeed, you could tell he felt the same exact way. Especially when he reached for the last piece, but Hermione slapped his hand away.

“Oh my!” Molly yelped suddenly. You jumped in surprise in your seat. “Oh, Georgie dear, would you mind wandering into the field before dark? I’d love some wildflowers for the table,”

“Sure thing, mum.” George replied before turning to you and squeezing your hand. “Want to tag along?”

You said, “Of course” at the exact same time Ron said “I’ll come along too, I could use a good walk” and if you hadn’t been so focused on George’s tender gaze, you almost would’ve missed Fred silently hissing at Ron and Hermione slapping his hand yet again. “On second thought,” Ron swallowed thickly, “I’d better stay here and help you clean up, mum.”

“Atta boy, Ronniekins,” Molly said. To you and George, she continued, “You two better get going -- not long now before it turns dark!”

George stood and pulled you to your feet. “You coming, love?”

“I go where you go.”

About twenty minutes later, as the setting sun had blended with the light purples and pinks of the sky, you’d found yourself with a rather beautiful bouquet of wildflowers for Molly. You turned to George, who was leaning against the tree and smiling at you, and asked, “Shall we get going darling? Don’t want to be too late. I reckon your mum will come out here searching for us if we spend an evening among the stars.”

“Doesn’t sound like too bad of an idea, actually.” His grin deepened, and then he said, “you’re lucky I don’t have any pranks up my sleeve right now.”

You look up at the tree and recognized the place where he’d infuriated you all those long years ago. You rolled your eyes and shook your head before twirling in your dress. “I am lucky. I was able to get a new dress after the one you so lovingly ruined. Though I will admit -- I wasn’t all that big of a fan of those puffy sleeves. This one’s much more adult.”

George arched his eyebrow in surprise before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close. “Oh yes it is.”

You slapped him playfully and pointed your finger at him. “Alright you prat, calm yourself, you’ll have to wait until we get back to our flat for any funny business.”

But then you realized, as George’s features turned from mischievous to genuine within the matter of seconds, that there was definitely more pressing matters than funny business on his mind.

And then he was telling you how he’d only teased you back then because he’d found you so bloody cute, and how he should’ve asked you to the Yule Ball and regretted every single day that he didn’t, and how he’d never met anyone who could play Quidditch quite as well as you, and how bloody happy he’d been when you’d kissed him that day in the Ravenclaw common room. And then knelt down and he asked it, the words you’d imagined since you were a little girl, strung together with such fondness and emotion and tenderness that you weren’t quite sure how you were standing upright.

You’d already begun to nod quickly through your tears before he finished, but would he really be George Weasley if he didn’t tease you, just a little? “Say yes,” he laughed, “say yes and marry me and be my wife for as long as you’ll have me.”

He slid the ring onto your finger and kissed you and picked you up and whirled you around in the field and held you gently in his arms as though you were a precious glass figurine and he was doing everything in his power to hold you delicately.

“Yes. I say yes.”

Black & White

You asked, When did you first know?

And he answered, I always knew.

You both ran back up the aisle, your white dress fluttering around your ankles, his black suit hugging the curves of his arms, and into the field and away from the party, momentarily, to celebrate your first moments as husband and wife in the place where he’d figured it all out.

He’d known since that afternoon when he’d handed you those yellow dandelions that he would bring you back here one day, to ask you to be his wife. He’d known, in the Ravenclaw common room when he gave you that purple pendant, still dangling from your neck, that one day he’d also give you a ring. He’d known, all those long years ago, that he wanted to marry you, and that you would say yes, when he’d finally ask.

And now, in front of your friends and family, he’d vowed to love you -- love in it’s purest and simplest form, love -- with all it’s sentiment and emotion and vulnerability. He vowed to love you and only you for the rest of his life.

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[cinnaminsvga]

body of mine | Seokjin (M)

→ summary: It’s the night before Seokjin’s birthday and you, his ever-reliable witch slash roommate, have accidentally forgotten to get him a gift. Good thing you know magic then, right? Ten wishes shouldn’t be too hard to handle…

{or alternatively: learning the importance of living a marie kondo lifestyle, but in hindsight}

→ genre: shifter!au, magic!au, humor/crack, smut → warnings: jin is your magical hamster familiar, jin is chaotic (ofc), magical mischief that only zee could come up with, aphrodisiac sex, penetrative sex, oral (f receiving), slightly rough sex, dom!jin if you squint, hair pulling, jin doesn’t wrap up his peepee (pls practice safe sex u guys), dirty talk, breeding kink?? → words: 16.9K → a/n: IDK WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL POST BUT HERE IT IS!! IM SO SORRY BUT HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY @jincherie​ PLEASE IM GOING TO CRY I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS (pls send me your thots i suffered greatly for this fic i’m actually dying appa yip yip)

Whoever told you that keeping a hamster as a familiar was a good idea must have been an idiot.

It’s you – you are the idiot. Every one of your friends had warned you about the little vermin. They had begged you to kick him out the moment you found him taking a hamster-sized dump on your prized foxgloves.

You’d been in the middle of pruning the yallows in your garden when you heard a tiny squeak! to your right. When you pushed the foliage away, you saw a small hamster, cheeks puffed up with its little fists clenched by its sides, as pellet after pellet of tiny shits were pushed out of its tiny ass and onto your plants.

You brought him into your home, already making up your mind that you’d keep him as a pet. You have been feeling a bit lonely these days; surely, a tiny little hamster won’t be too much of a problem to take care of, right? You’re so excited that you even invite your friends over to behold your newfound darling.

“I’m going to kill that tiny bastard,” Yoongi hissed the moment he made eye contact with the hamster, his pupils dilating and fluffy cat ears tensing, ready to attack. You could see his claws begin to extend, so you made sure to place your new friend out of his reach. Lucky for you, Yoongi had the arm span of a toddler.

“Oh, c’mon! He’s so fucking cute though,” you cooed, tickling the hamster’s belly. It squeaked happily, nudging your finger to scratch the underside of its ears. Yoongi hissed at it from behind Namjoon’s back, his fingernails digging painfully into the gentle giant’s shoulders. The bespectacled witch didn’t even seem to bat an eye.

“Y/N, I’m all for keeping magical pets and whatnot, but I have to agree with Yoongi… That hamster has too much bastardous energy,” Namjoon said, wincing when the hamster begins munching on the sleeves of your cloak in earnest. You continued to squeal in delight, positively endeared by the cute little ball of fur in your palms.

Due to your magical abilities, you had sensed that this little hamster had magic in his veins and you guessed that he must have either been a shifter or an intellectually augmented animal. You guessed that he’s the former, much like how Yoongi is a cat shifter as well. Ever since Namjoon had befriended Yoongi and the two became partners, you admit that you’ve always been a little jealous of their natural camaraderie. You had long since yearned for someone who could assist you in your magical apothecary, but more importantly, someone you could share your time with.

You were optimistic; perhaps when the little hamster learned to shift into its human form, then you could truly begin your journey towards friendship. You’re sure that the man behind the hamster must be just as cute and lovely.

Speaking of learning to shift—

“What? You mean me?” Yoongi asked, craning his head over Namjoon’s shoulder, his curiosity getting the better of him but still remaining a safe distance away from you and the hamster. “What about learning to shift?”

“Did you just learn one day? I want to get Mr. Hamster over here to turn into a human so I can speak to him,” you explained, but the cat shifter narrows his eyes distrustfully.

“I don’t want that vermin to gain the ability to speak. I can just tell no one is going to enjoy what he has to say,” he sniffed. He growled lowly, the sound so deep and feral that you are momentarily disarmed by his hostility. Namjoon had to rub the back of his ears for a second, forcing Yoongi to calm down until his growl softened into a purr.

“Well, Yoongi can’t control his shifting abilities quite yet. I have to… forcibly change him, if you will,” Namjoon explained, watching Yoongi with loving eyes as he gently nuzzled his head into the witch’s hand. He beckoned you closer and you took a tentative step forward, keeping the hamster behind your back just to be safe. “Watch,” he said simply, as his hand trails lower and lower until it reached the back of Yoongi’s neck and he–

Poof! Namjoon simply tickled the back of Yoongi’s neck and a puff of purple smoke revealed a munchkin cat in its wake. His soft gray and white fur bristled in surprise, his teeth bared at Namjoon as he meowed in contempt. Namjoon ignored all of this, gently picking up the tiny cat and cradling him in his arms like a baby. Immediately, the shifter relaxed, eyes closing contentedly as he burrowed deeper into Namjoon’s chest.

“Woah,” you said, for lack of better words. You shook your head, gazing at the two in wonder. “I didn’t know Yoongi has a fucking eject button.”

“Yep. I sure hope you don’t abuse this knowledge, by the way,” Namjoon warned, but the mischievous gleam in his eyes told you that he probably wouldn’t mind if you did. Knowing you, there was no question that you’d take any and every opportunity to annoy the cat shifter. “If this hamster is the same, then surely it has a similar tick. Since it’s small too, I’m sure it’ll be easy to find its spot.”

“Speaking of,” you piped up, staring curiously at him. “How… did you find out where Yoongi’s spot was? Didn’t you meet him as a human?”

Namjoon shrugged, but there’s a soft pink tint coloring the tops of his ears. “Umm… Coincidence?”

You squinted at him. “Sure,” you agreed, not wanting to know why he seemed so embarrassed. You turned back to the furry matter at hand, lips pursing as you gazed upon the hamster. Surely, there should be an easy way to figure this out…

You began to roll the small hamster in your hand like a pancake, twisting and pulling the lil guy until it started squeaking in protest. You made sure not to handle it too roughly, so you were a bit surprised at how dramatically the hamster was screaming. “Just another moment, baby…” you murmured. At the sound of the pet name, the hamster paused in its squirming, staring wide-eyed at you with its tiny mouth ridiculously agape. You arched a brow, amused at the aghast expression on its face.

“Well, that settles it. You’re definitely human, by the looks of it,” you commented, poking it lightly on the nose. The hamster scrunched up its face just as a soft pink smoke started to envelop its tiny body. You coughed harshly, your sinuses tickled by the strong scent of caramel and mint. “W-well, I think I found its spot,” you pointed out helplessly, eyes watering as you tried to keep them open.

The hamster’s body was growing ridiculously hot, forcing you to drop it on your kitchen counter. You hissed, sucking on your burned appendages as you wait for the smoke to subside. Beside you, Namjoon had Yoongi held tightly in his arms, his back turned away to keep the smoke away from their faces. “Y/N, get some clothes quickly. He’s going to be cold when he finishes transforming,” was all he said, his free hand covering his nose. “This is probably going to be its first shift in a while!”

You’re still completely flabbergasted, frozen in place. “What?” you replied dumbly, standing stock still as you waited for the smoke to dissipate. As more and more of it cleared, you noticed two pairs of long legs where there originally had been none. You waved your hand a bit, fanning the remaining fumes away from your nose, allowing you to gaze upon a very naked and very tall man sitting primly on your kitchen counter.

You and the man stared each other down, neither of you blinking nor backing down. After a few moments, the man smiled brightly at you, his cheeks bunching up much like how he did in his hamster form. “Hello, human,” he greeted, extending a hand towards you. You took it dazedly, still staring wide-eyed at him. “My name is Seokjin. I suppose this means I’m going to be your familiar from now on.”

Your gaze traveled downwards, your hands still clasped together with his. “You’re naked,” you said plainly.

He followed your gaze. “I suppose I am,” he mused, shrugging his shoulders. He was incredibly wide; it almost made no sense that he was a hamster just a few seconds ago. What did he do, bench press sunflower seeds all day? “I am also incredibly beautiful, but we can continue stating the obvious another day.” He released your hands, clasping them together with a beatific smile. “C’mon, human! Bring me your finest garments because my handsomely sculpted testicles are starting to shrivel up from the cold.”

Behind you, you could hear Yoongi hissing loudly in response.

And from that day forward, your adventures of living with the biggest nuisance in the world had begun.

x x x x x

[December 3, 11:39 PM]

Okay, maybe calling him a nuisance is a bit too mean… He’s not that bad. Although, you are sure that Seokjin would have gladly nipped you in the tit if he ever found out you thought so lowly of him. Which you don’t.

Usually.

Except when he’s being annoying, which is all the time. For example:

“Stop fucking biting, you little furball,” you grouse, flicking the hamster in the stomach. He gasps in response, or at least, you assume he had gasped since hamsters don’t exactly have the same vocal cords that humans do. What you do know, however, is that Seokjin seems particularly adamant to be irritating tonight, despite your numerous threats to snip his tiny hamster balls should he continue to pester you.

Unfortunately, none of your usual intimidation tactics work, thus prompting you to grab the small rodent and squeeze him like a squeaky toy. (And what do you know—he even squeaks like one too!)

“Will you stop bothering me? You know I’m busy.” You squint angrily at him, scowling when Seokjin looks back at you with faux innocence. This lil bitch wouldn’t know innocence if it shoved a finger up his ass! “You’ve been more annoying than usual. You even tried parkouring over my herb bottles even though I’ve told you numerous times that’s off limits!”

You feel only slightly bad for scolding him; after all, you are in the midst of preparing a particularly difficult potion for one of your clients tomorrow. Seokjin knows this, and you even specifically told him not to bother you until you finished for the night. While he often did like to interrupt your work for “life or death situations” such as “cuddling” or “spoon-feeding him some pudding,” he usually leaves you alone to do your work when you’re faced with tougher jobs. Today doesn’t seem to be the case as he nibbles ferociously on your sleeves, desperate for you to listen to whatever nonsense he wants to convey.

Rolling your eyes (albeit you admit you do it out of fondness), you gently take the little hamster into your hands, placing him on your kitchen floor. You make sure the stove for your potion making is turned off before you turn back to him, honking his button nose and waiting for him to shift completely.

Since it’s no longer his first time shifting, it only takes Seokjin a few seconds to transform into his human self, his large frame quickly taking up most of the space of your cramped kitchenette. He accidentally bumps his head into one of your hanging potted plants, causing him to yelp in surprise rather than actual pain. He glares pointedly at your orchids before switching that ire onto you, his normally saccharine brown eyes filled with thinly veiled contempt.

“Took you long enough,” he sniffs, poking you not-too gently in the cheek. He folds his arms, appearing to you like a child throwing a tantrum. “Well?”

You raise a brow, covertly turning on your stove once more to resume your potion-making. “Well what?” you say, stirring your small cauldron from the corner of your eye. Seokjin halts your movements instantly, pulling your arm away and half-dragging you towards your living room.

“H-hey! That potion is really sensitive, so let me go—”

“It’s almost midnight,” is all he says before dumping you unceremoniously on your old sunken couch. You grunt from the impact, but he doesn’t apologize for his gruffness (as he never has). You peer up at him, scowling slightly at his unexpectedly cryptic remark.

“And so? This potion is due for pick-up in two days and I’ll need to steep it for another 24 hours before I can even think to package it–”

Instead of replying, Seokjin takes his phone out of his pocket and thrusts the screen towards you. You look at it in confusion, confronted with the sight of his lock screen without any explanation. “It’s… 11:43?”

He rolls his eyes, though you notice a slight hint of disappointment clouding his expression. “And what about the date?” he pushes, lips pursed thinly into a line.

He’s trying to get you to understand without saying it outright – a habit of his that he’s acquired ever since he started hanging out more with Yoongi. Though the two are hardly considered friends, even Seokjin has to admit that being near the cat has caused him to pick up a thing or two, with his tsundere tendencies being one of the first.

You, on the other hand, are forced to play along with his antics. You know that it is December 3. As you try to rack your head for anything you might have missed, you’re pretty sure you’ve accomplished all your chores for today, save for the current potion brewing for the customer coming in two days. You think back on your day, listing off all the things you had done.

You had met up with Namjoon to pick up more herbs from his shop, you delivered more mana potions to the local apothecary, you passed by the street market to buy more sunflower seeds for Seokjin… What on earth could you be forgetting?

“I sincerely hope you’re joking, you know.” Seokjin interrupts your train of thought, breaking you from your trance. When you look back at him, you find that his annoyance has cleared. Hurt replaces his expression, his bottom lip trembling slightly as he waits for you to realize.

When it appears that you won’t be noticing anytime soon, he heaves a heavy sigh, eyes closing in defeat. His voice cracks when he says, “Fine. It’s fine. Whatever. I’ll just… Go to my room. Don’t worry about breakfast tomorrow because I’m gonna sleep in.” And with that, he swivels away from you, shoulders hunched forward as he quietly makes his way to his quarters.

Left shocked and even more puzzled, your gaze is stuck where he had just been moments ago, anxiety and guilt rising in your chest as you try harder to remember what it is that caused Seokjin to shut you out like that. In your seven months of living together, not once has he ever looked so dejected, as the handsome shifter often liked to push your buttons and tease you whenever you mess up. This is clearly not like the other times, so whatever you forgot must pertain to Seokjin himself.

“Am I missing something? Did I forget to season his dinner again?” Although it is entirely too plausible that you did, you highly doubt Seokjin would be that upset at having a bland meal. So what else could it…?

Just as you’re about to give up and beg Seokjin to tell you what you had forgotten, your phone beeps, a new text from Namjoon arriving just in time. You flick it on, your brain taking a moment to fully grasp the words you were trying to read.

from: joonieboobie to: y/n

hey y/n! are you gonna spend the entire day with seokjin tomorrow? yoongi and i figured that you’d do something special for him on his bday, so tell seokjin that we’ll treat him to a birthday dinner the next day instead. don’t have too much fun, okay? use protection LMAO

Shit.

You gasp suddenly, hand flying to your mouth as horror washes over you. Did Namjoon just say… bday?! Now that he mentions it, you realize that today is December 3rd, which means…

“Tomorrow is December 4th,” you whisper to yourself. You jump out of the couch, scrambling towards your kitchen at a wicked pace. Sweat begins to form at the back of your neck as you run over to your wall calendar, where lo and behold, tomorrow’s date is circled in blood-red ink. Circled by you, even. Holy shit holy shit holy shit–

No wonder Seokjin was so hurt. You’re a terrible, foul, no-good witch! The absolute worst person in the world! How on earth could you forget your own familiar’s birthday?

“Jesus fuck, I’m screwed,” you groan, slumping over your kitchen counter in defeat. You don’t even care that your potion has long since boiled over—not when you’ve already made a bigger mistake just now. God, you’re such a clumsy bitch; what’s the point of being a potion maker who helps cure other people’s maladies if you can’t even fix your shortcomings?

“I can fix this. I can fix this. I can—” You chant this multiple times to yourself as you rush to your nearby bookshelf, pulling out every book you own to find a last-minute gift idea. Surely, there’s something in these books that can help you make it up to Seokjin, right? You’ve made almost every potion there is under the sun, surely there is something you can brew that can bring back the smile on your lovably goofy familiar?

You’ll pour over all of these books if you have to. Despite your forgetfulness, your love for your familiar rings true; you would do anything for him, whatever he might ask.

A thought passes through your mind, but you shut it down for now. A last resort, you think grimly to yourself. You have a few hours left before he wakes up, after all. You’ll find something, you’re sure.

x x x x x

[December 4, 9:14 AM]

It turns out you do not find anything, after all. A halo of books surrounds you on your living room floor, your worn fingers littered with papercuts and ink stains after spending the whole night looking for a suitable gift for Seokjin. Everything just seems too regular to be a gift, though you suppose you’re only picky because you know that Seokjin is pickier. He’d whine for days if you gave him just any gift, and nothing grinds your gears more than having a sulking hamster eating the plants in your garden.

“Grandeur,” you can imagine him saying, nose upturned in that snooty way of his. “I require the most exquisite of presents. I, after all, am above peasantry. I cannot even stand the taste of wooden chopsticks upon my silver tongue.”

Frankly, you have no idea how he’d gotten to become such a prick so haughty, given that you know that he used to live on the streets before he had met you. Regardless, you’ve always been the type of person to be a little too forgiving, so your patience for his irritating unorthodox personality is stronger than most.

Although it might not be immediately apparent to most observers, the two of you make for a perfect pair. You are the calm to his storm, the logic to his insanity, the yin to his dumbass yang. While it’s easy to say that you hold the short end of the stick when it comes to living with Seokjin, he also grounds you and keeps you from pushing yourself too hard. There have been many long nights in the past when you would be too absorbed in your work, not even remembering to eat or drink for days. All it takes is a soft poke or nibble from Seokjin to jolt you back to your senses as he reminds you time and time again that your life matters not only to you, but him as well.

He’s your familiar. Your sweet, foolish, annoying, narcissistic familiar. It really might have been fate for you to have met all those months ago in your garden, though you’d never tell him that. He’d be much too smug about it if you did, as he never did shy away from proclaiming that he was your knight in shining armor or something.

Which is all the more reason that you fear for your life now that you’ve run out of options for his birthday present. He’d never let you hear the end of it, and you can only imagine how a vengeful and spiteful Seokjin might be compared to his normal self.

You sigh dejectedly, closing your last book and shoving it across your living room floor. “This is my fault for forgetting,” you say, rubbing your temples with a grimace. Of all the times your forgetfulness could fail you, you certainly would have hoped that this would not be one of the times when it did. You must remember to ask Namjoon to restock the ingredients needed to make more head clarity potions, though you suppose you might end up forgetting to do that as well.

Every potion in your arsenal of knowledge just wouldn’t work out for Seokjin, or at least you think so. The potions are either too useless or too useful, with the latter being a bigger problem. As much as you like to tease Seokjin for his hamster-sized brain, he did have his cunning moments. You dread to wonder what type of mischief he might come up with should you give him, say, a 24-hour luck potion.

“Though I suppose he wouldn’t be able to take over the world in 24 hours… Could he?” Even as you say it, you know in your heart of hearts that he absolutely can and will. Fucking bastard that he is.

With no other options viable to you, you did have one last trick up your sleeve. You might even say this option is worse than a 24-hour luck potion, though you will be making sure that he has adult supervision while he, erm, utilizes this gift of yours. This last-minute gift idea of yours is famous amongst your circle of friends, mostly because you do have a penchant for forgetting numerous birthdays and anniversaries in the past.

You’re usually quick to resort to this last-minute gift whenever you forget someone’s birthday, as you trust that your friends would never misuse your kindness in any way. But like most things, Seokjin is a different case entirely. As you have mentioned before, Seokjin… has ways of getting whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Added with the fact that you were unquestionably whipped for his hamster ass, he most often can get you to do things that aren’t what most would consider being “morally sound.” You may love him, but you certainly don’t trust him.

Long story short, you are slightly terrified of giving him ten wishes for his birthday. Ten wishes that will allow him to ask you to do anything for him, as long as they’re within your abilities of course. If anyone were to find out that you were even considering offering wishes to Seokjin, much less ten wishes, you are sure that they would throttle you for the premeditated mass destruction of the human population.

Which is why you’re going to have to make some rules for the little rodent, and hope to all the deities up above that he doesn’t find a loophole of sorts. Hopefully.

It’s nearing 9:30 AM when you manage to muster up enough courage to tiptoe noiselessly into his room, not bothering to knock as you know that he will most likely ignore you. Your heart pangs when you see him curled up into a ball in his bed, still in his human form as you had not been able to transform him back into a hamster before he had stormed off the night before. He has his back turned away from the door, but you know he’s awake when you hear his muffled sniffles. Your previous trepidation is replaced with guilt immediately, causing you to lower your head in shame.

“Seokjin? Sweetie?” You say his name hesitantly, unsurprised when the shifter refuses to look at you. You pad softly towards his bed, your knee digging into the soft mattress but not daring to come closer. You want desperately to cuddle with him in bed, always having appreciated his higher body temperature, especially during the colder months.

“I’m so sorry for forgetting your birthday, Seokjinnie. I know I’m a big fool for forgetting such an important day, but I really hope you can forgive me,” your voice grows softer the more you speak, dropping to a whisper by the end of your sentence. The room is silent, save for the sound of Seokjin’s breathing and your rapidly beating heart. Your mouth feels like sandpaper when you continue, “I know this might not make it up to you entirely, but I do have a gift that I want to share with you.”

At the mention of the word “gift,” you can see the way the small hamster ears perched on his head start to twitch. You smile secretively to yourself, knowing that you finally got his attention. “Come on, sweetie. Don’t you want to know what your present is?”

With a loud sigh, Seokjin rolls over to face you, his cheeks blotchy with tear stains and dried snot. You nearly cry out at the sight, but you keep your guilt to yourself, now more eager than ever to right your wrongs. You hate seeing him cry, most especially when it is you who had made him shed those tears.

“You got me a gift?” His voice is hoarse, but his curiosity is plain as day.

You nod happily, clapping your hands with excitement. “Yup! I know this will be the first time Seokjinnie is celebrating his birthday with me, so I thought long and hard about this—” a complete lie, but he doesn’t have to know that, “—and I thought it would be great if I gave you ten wishes for your birthday!”

There is a pause. In lieu of a response, Seokjin just sits up in bed, pushing off his blankets and blinking rapidly at you in disbelief. He rubs his eyes once, twice, but it still seems like he can’t believe what he’s seeing (and hearing). His mouth opens and closes, before finally saying, “Excuse me?”

You arch a brow, slightly confused as to why Seokjin seemed so astonished. “What? Do you not want ten wishes for your birthday?”

Seokjin shakes his head, looking like a possessed bobblehead with how quickly he moves. “No, of course I do! I just… You trust me enough to make ten wishes? Me?”

You cringe. “Well, trust is a strong word…”

“I knew it!” Seokjin scoffs, pointing at you accusingly. He flops back onto the bed, a deep pout on his face. “My ten wishes are probably gonna be stuff like ‘No cooking duties for a month!’ or something equally as lame.”

You roll your eyes. “Well, yes that could be one of your wishes if you so desired. But no, you can ask for fun stuff too.”

Seokjin raises a finger. “Oh really? Then how about—”

“No wishes that will allow you to attain world domination,” you interrupt, watching amusedly when he immediately deflates.

“Aww,” Seokjin mutters, dropping his finger. A second later, he raises the same finger again. “Then—”

“And no bodily augmentations as well,” you add.

Seokjin looks down at his crotch dejectedly. “Aww!” Seokjin repeats. ”Then what else am I supposed to ask for?!”

You shrug, tapping your chin. “Well, is there anything else in that empty skull of yours that you might want? There should be something you want that you can’t have.”

For a moment, Seokjin’s expression turns cloudy, like he usually does when he’s thinking deeply about something. It might have been the trick of the morning light, but you swear he gives you a quick once over, tongue poking out to wet his chapped lips. “I have an idea,” he says, voice low.

You feel your palms begin to sweat, unused to the dark look on Seokjin’s face. Anticipation fills you as you both stare at each other, neither willing to back down. “Y-yes?” you say, suddenly nervous to hear his response.

He smirks, tilting his head with contemplation. “I want…”

What? What do you want? You squeeze your fists unknowingly, forcibly keeping yourself from squeezing other parts of your body. Could it be..? No…

“Seokjin—”

“I want to beat Jeon Jungkook in a spicy noodle challenge. Just once in my fucking life!” Seokjin hollers, punching his pillow in the midst of his unexpected fury. His eyes are blazing, cheeks puffed up due to his unbridled hamster-y rage. “That little bunny bitch! Thinks he’s hot shit just because he can eat two more cups of spicy ramen more than me? Well, I want him to finally get a taste of his own medicine!”

You feel your shoulders sag in relief, wondering where on earth your brain had been going just a moment ago. “You… You want to get a spice resistance potion? Yeah, I can do that for you. Give me a second,” you say, dashing out of his room like your ass is on fire, afraid that he might notice the blush dusting the tops of your ears. You mentally slap yourself, biting the insides of your cheeks to keep from strangling yourself. Keep it together, Y/N. Remember how much of an idiot he is and you’ll be fine… Just don’t think too hard about it.

Lucky for Seokjin, spice resistance potions are quick enough to make and it only takes you 10 minutes to cork the finished concoction for him. You scurry back to his bedroom, about to hand the small vial over to him when the words get caught in your throat. You’re momentarily paralyzed by the sight of his naked back, his ocean-wide broad shoulders on full display for your wandering eyes to feast on. Naked Seokjin isn’t even a rare occurrence in your household, but it doesn’t get easier to witness even as the days go by. In fact, you guess it only gets harder for you, pun intended.

Thankfully (or unthankfully), Seokjin slips on a clean shirt before turning to you, his expression lighting up when he sees you (with your mouth still fully agape) with the potion in hand. “Nice one, Y/N!” He takes the vial from you, peering at the minty green color with glee. “Oh damn, when I see that little shithead, he’s not gonna know what hit him!”

“Are you gonna go challenge him today?”

He shakes his head. “Nah. I’d rather spend my birthday doing other things. Plus, I already have better ideas for the remaining nine wishes I have left.”

“Such as?”

He pats your head a little condescendingly, a devious smirk playing on his lips. “No need to worry your little head, Y/N. You don’t even need to work for four wishes, because I know for a fact that you have these potions in your stock,” he says, laughing maniacally as he scampers off to your basement storage.

“Seokjin!” You call out to him, wondering not for the first time how he always manages to outrun you despite doing nothing all day except eat sunflower seeds and play videogames all day. Though you assume it might have to do with his rodent DNA, as the little shit always did manage to slip from your fingers when you’re strangling holding him in his tiny furry form.

When you get to your cellar, you find him rummaging through your stores and softly humming a tune as he takes his time sorting through your potions. You try to peek over his shoulders to see what he’s doing, but it’s a lost cause as his entire frame somehow manages to block your entire view. Fuck him and his doorframe shoulders.

“Hey, I heard that!” Seokjin says, making you realize belatedly that you did say it out loud—not that you particularly cared if he heard. You’ve thought and said worse, plus he knows it. He thrives on being an asshole.

“Can you at least tell me what you want? I can find them for you too, as long as they aren’t… too dangerous,” you say the last part skeptically, not knowing what is categorized as “dangerous” when it comes to him. For all you know, he could somehow find a way to kill a man with a healing potion.

“No, no. I got it. Here,” he hands you a medium-sized vial filled with a colorless liquid. When you turn the bottle over, you see that you labeled it as one of your hair color changing mood potions, a popular novelty potion that you sold to kids at the market sometimes.

“Why on earth would you want this?” You snort. “Let me guess… You want to feed this to Yoongi so that you can anticipate whenever he’s about to scratch your eyeballs?”

“Close, but not quite! I want you to drink it,” Seokjin says, poking his head out of the cupboard to give you a quick smile. He winks at you, which you do not return. “Come on then. Drink up!”

You squint at him incredulously. When he doesn’t seem to be joking, you exclaim, “Hold on. Why on earth do you want me to drink this?”

But Seokjin has already shoved his head back into the cupboard, the sound of bottles clinking together nearly drowning out his voice as he struggles to find the other potions he’s looking for. “No particular reason! I just never see you with crazy hair colors and I always wondered how you’d look like in pink. I think it’d suit you.”

You flush darkly in response, stammering loudly at his brazenness. “But pink is the color for…” You trail off, embarrassment short-circuiting your brain. No way he could mean… that, could he?!

“Pink is for happiness, right?” Seokjin says after a moment, not noticing your awkward demeanor as he finally exits the cupboard, three other bottles cradled carefully in his arms. He closes the wooden door with his foot, walking out of the cellar with his prizes and not bothering to check if your dumbfounded self is following suit.

It takes a second for you to snap out of your stupor, yelping when he nearly slams the basement door on your face. “No, you idiot! Yellow is for happiness! Oh Merlin, you nearly gave me a heart attack,” you curse, treading closely on his heels.

Seokjin looks at you with confusion, but he thankfully doesn’t ask what specific mood the color pink represents. “Well, I guess you’re gonna have to live with yellow hair all day.”

“And why is that?” you say lamely.

“Because I’ll get to see how happy you are to be with me! After all, I am so incredibly handsome,” Seokjin laughs haughtily. He waits for you to open the door back to the house, his resounding laughter sounding even louder when you both enter, given the acoustics of your home.

“Then I guess my hair will be blue all day instead,” you scoff, pinching him lightly in the side.

“Oh? Because you’re sad that you can’t be as pretty as me? Understandable,” he nods sagely. “Or perhaps you’ll turn green with envy because you can’t be as pretty as me? Or even orange with fear, because you can’t be as pretty as—”

After living with him for so long, you’ve long since developed the ability to mute him out without needing to plug your ears with anything. It’s a necessary skill that you pride yourself in having, as it allows you to live in peace with the insufferable twat. You pity anyone who has ever had to live with him for an extended period of time; dear Merlin, you hope to meet his mother someday, as she must have been incredibly powerful to birth such a beast into existence and raise him willingly, too.

“Hey, are you listening to me? Are you muting me again? ON MY BIRTHDAY? Stop that!” Seokjin whines, poking you in the cheek. You startle slightly, pointing him with an annoyed look.

“Sorry, your highness. Does that count as one of your wishes? Because I honestly don’t think I can handle listening to you ALL DAY. I may be a talented witch, but even I don’t think that’s within my capabilities.”

Seokjin rolls his eyes, sticking his tongue out petulantly. “Whatever. Just drink the potion already, will you? Or would you rather I ask for a mind-reading potion instead?”

That shut you up quickly. You shudder at the thought of Seokjin with any sort of telepathic powers. You don’t consider yourself a saint, but you feel as though it’s your duty to keep him away from any sort of power. The world should thank you for your service, honestly.

Without further ado, you pop the cork off the bottle, downing the plasticky tasting potion in one big gulp. “Ugh. I don’t know why kids love this stuff. Tastes like shit.” You grimace, rushing to your kitchen to grab a glass of water.

On your way there, you notice your hair color begins to change from the mirror you keep above the kitchen sink. Your roots are starting to gain a light brown color, the default shade of the potion, but the color quickly drains out as you take your first sip of water. By the time the terrible taste is out of your tongue, your hair has turned completely gray. You finger your tresses, staring at its unnatural steeliness. “Well, at least we know it works. Gray means neutral if I remember correctly.”

“Damn, so this is how you’d look when you turn 50. Would still bang, not gonna lie,” Seokjin whistles, narrowly missing a jab to the stomach from you.

“No one asked for your opinion,” you retort hotly, hoping to the heavens that your hair isn’t changing color again.

Judging from Seokjin’s smirk, your prayers are useless. He cards a hand through your hair, admiring its new color. “Oh, interesting! Purple is for embarrassment, right? Wow, this is gonna be much more fun than I would have imagined!”

“A-anyway,” you slap his hand away, taking a step away from him to keep him from seeing your burning face (though it’s not like you hadn’t already been exposed anyway. Stupid magic potion.) You point to the three remaining bottles he had stolen from your basement, eager to divert the conversation away from the topic of your vulnerable emotions. “What about these? What on earth would you need—” You turn one of the bottles upside down, reading the label. “An illusion potion? Oh Seokjin, I don’t know about this one…”

Seokjin groans. “Oh, come on! The only rules you had were no world domination and no body augmentation, but you never said anything about fake body augmentation!”

“Trust you to find a loophole in any given circumstance,” you sigh, rubbing your temples in a futile attempt to stall the incoming migraine (too late for that, given that the personified version of a headache happens to live with you.) “Okay, fine. Tell me what you’re gonna use it for and then I’ll decide.”

“Simple,” Seokjin snaps his fingers. He trails his hands to his ass, squeezing the globes of fat with a sad sigh. “I want people to think I have an ass thicker than Park Jimin’s.”

For some indiscernible, unconnected reason, you feel as though one of the blood vessels in your brain just popped. In any case, having a stroke might be a better fate than continuing to live in the same universe as the withered toenail in front of you. “I beg you to repeat that sentence. Think about your words first, really grasp their true meaning. Try to remember what it’s like to have functioning brain cells. Then try to repeat your words with a straight face.”

“I. Want. People. To. Think. I. Have. An. Ass. Thicker. Than. Park. Jimin’s.” Seokjin repeats, his expression as flat as his ass. “Are you happy now? Will you grant my wish, please? You said no bodily augmentations, so having the illusion that I have thick ass should be perfectly acceptable, is it not?”

“I rue the day you learned to speak the human language.” You sigh irritably, pocketing the offending potion. When Seokjin begins to protest, you silence him with a quick glare. “Don’t worry, you fucking moron. I’m only allowing you to use this potion with my supervision and I simply don’t have the time to watch you bump bubble butts with the local village thot right now,” you explain.

Seokjin nods, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Indeed… I will need your assistance when I walk into town once everyone sees me with my ass shots and tiddies done. The people will simply devour me in an instant.”

“Are you aware that every moment you breathe, you are poisoning the air with your toxic presence?” you say with a deadpan stare. Ignoring his indignant squawks, you take a look at the two remaining bottles. “Alright. Please fucking tell me these are at least slightly sensible choices…”

“If there’s anything I know after living with you, it’s that our definitions of ‘sensible’ vary greatly between us,” Seokjin says, and for once you couldn’t agree more. He takes the last two bottles, turning them over to show you the labels underneath. “They’re luck and truth potions, each with a dose worth one hour. And before you say anything,” Seokjin beats you to the punch, holding a finger up when it looks like you’re about to protest, “These aren’t for me.”

You scrunch your brow in confusion, not quite following his logic. “What? Then what’s the point?”

Seokjin’s grin is mischievous, the twinkle in his eye sending a shiver down your spine. You’re familiar with that look, as it’s the same kind of expression he has whenever he plans to do something incredibly stupid, like eating uncooked noodles before pouring boiling water down his throat in order to eat instant ramen faster. You’ve been at the victim of too many of his ridiculous schemes to not know that whatever he is planning can’t be innocent.

“It’s simple, my dear Y/N. This is all part of my ingenious master plan that I thought of ten minutes ago,” Seokjin explains, tittering haughtily like some poorly designed video game villain. “Hold the applause, because my plan is going to rock your socks off.”

“I’m not even wearing any socks.”

“Then my plan will put socks on you, my dear. That’s how incredible it is,” Seokjin says, undeterred. “So basically, we’re finally going to get Yoongi and Namjoon to fuck.”

Seokjin pauses for dramatic effect, waving his hands around like a magician would, except the only magical act he’s ever performed was to be born as the first-ever living creature without a functioning brain. “Well?” he prompts, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Are you not going to ask me how I’m going to do it?”

Your expression morphs from confusion, to incredulity, to frustration, to acceptance all in five seconds flat. You’ve long since realized that it’s easier not to ask too many questions for the sake of your mental health, though you suppose it might be important to ask a few questions, mostly for the sake of your friends’ safety. You’ve lost enough acquaintances as it is, all because your familiar with rocks for brains wouldn’t know decency if you shoved it up his ass. 

(PS: No, they aren’t dead, but they’ve told you that Seokjin makes them feel like death anyway. That’s just the sort of effect he has on people.)

“Fine, I’ll bite. What’s your ingenious plan to get Yoongi and Namjoon to fuck entail?” you ask, gritting your teeth in preparation to withstand the pure, unadulterated strength of his dumbassery.

“Well firstly, I need the luck potion to win rock, paper, scissors against Yoongi,” Seokjin starts, smirking at the thought. “It’s been my dream to beat him at the game, as the score right now between the two of us is 349 to null in his favor—”

“That’s just because you always play paper. Consistently. You never use scissors or rock,” you deadpan.

Seokjin gasps, holding a finger up to your lips to silence you. “I am above using rocks! I am no barbarian! And do you think I’d ever use scissors? That is just one step away from me throwing up a peace sign like some sort of weeb!” Seokjin retorts, nose upturned in the air. You struggle to keep your fists by your sides, the itch to punch him in his perfectly sculpted nose growing by the second.

“Regardless, I intend to win this time,” Seokjin continues. “And I will make him take the truth potion as my prize for winning so that he may finally confess his feelings for Namjoon and end their five-year-long mutual suffering.”

“Don’t you mean mutual pining?” 

“Same thing,” Seokjin shrugs. “You and I both know that those two idiots will continue to skirt around each other like teenagers who only just realized that their penises can be used in different ways other than for pissing. They’ve been in love with each other for far too long and I intend to be the cupid that brings those two together.”

“Why must you phrase things like that,” you sigh, not really asking with the intent of hearing an answer. You’ve been asking him the same question for months now, and have yet to receive an answer that isn’t “because I can!”

“So does that mean you’ll let me use the luck and truth potions?” Seokjin asks, his lip jutted out in what he probably presumes is a cute manner, but all it does is make him look like his bottom lip got stung by a hornet. (Still kinda cute though, you think to yourself.)

After taking another five seconds to deeply access the state of your life, you sigh tiredly, feeling weary beyond your years. Figures that he would notice the attraction between your two best friends, but still remains oblivious to your own feelings. 

“Fine,” you acquiesce, crossing your arms in an attempt to look annoyed. You aren’t doing a very good job, however, as you try not to smile at Seokjin’s unabashed excitement. Fuck him for being so adorable when he’s happy. Why couldn’t he be excited over more normal things, like R-18 video games or hentai?

You clear your throat, stopping his celebration. “Do you really want to spend your birthday getting Namjoon and Yoongi to get together though? Pardon me for saying this, but I seriously didn’t think you’d want to help them.”

“Why not?”

“You always seemed a little too enthusiastic whenever the two of them were being...” you pause, stuck on the word you want to use.

“Super stupidly horny for each other? Yeah, I admit that I do enjoy watching Namjoon getting a boner whenever Yoongi does that weird cat thing,” he says, shrugging.

“Weird cat thing? You mean when he stretches and his entire torso grows twice as long?”

“Precisely!” Seokjin claps his hands, grinning ear to ear. “It’s super gross and weirdly cute! I don’t know how Namjoon finds that even remotely horny-inducing. Must be a cat person thing.”

You shake your head, unwilling to think deeper about the psychological mechanisms of your friends. “Besides the point. Do you want to head over to Namjoon’s place now? They invited us for dinner tomorrow to celebrate your birthday anyway, so we can always do this next time, or…”

“Hell no,” Seokjin is quick to interject, knowing that you're just trying to weasel your way out of being an accomplice in his ill-planned hijinks. Your shoulders slump in defeat. "You are not getting out of this. We are doing this today before either of us forget! C'mon, it won't take that long."

"That's what I was afraid you'd say," you grumble. "But fine. Just gimme a sec to get ready," you point at Seokjin's ahegao printed pajamas with disgust, "—and you should probably change out your clothes too."

Seokjin looks down at his clothes with a confused expression. "What's wrong with my PJs?"

"I think the more important question is what's wrong with you," you reply, stalking off to your bedroom. You smile secretly to yourself when you hear his squawks of offense.

As you hadn't gotten sleep the night before, you only just notice that you're still wearing yesterday's clothes on your back, the sweat after hours of worrying about what to get Seokjin making your shirt stick grossly to your armpits. You strip off quickly, doing your best to freshen up and look semi-decent (though there isn't much of a need; you've been friends with Namjoon long enough that he's seen you at your worst.)

You pass by your dresser, seeing your reflection in the mirror. Your hair color is shifting from yellow to brown at a rapid pace, making it appear as though you'd been the victim of a terrible dye job.

"I'm a victim, for sure..." you mutter to yourself, fingering your multi-colored locks. The brown color is for annoyance, which shouldn't be much of a surprise to anyone, but the yellow? Happiness isn’t exactly the word you’d describe your emotions right now. And also, do your eyes deceive you? Is there a patch of pink appearing just at the crown of your head?

“No, no… This is no good at all.” You force yourself to think of sad thoughts, trying desperately for the colors to change—but to no avail. Luckily, that hamster bastard doesn't remember what pink means, or else you'd definitely be screwed, and maybe not even in the good way.

You sigh tiredly, slumping over onto your bed when the fatigue from the day finally hits you. “It’s only morning, and I already want to die. Must be a record,” you snort in exasperation, watching as the tips of your hair turn black in response. “Wow, thanks magic. No one would have guessed I was tired unless you said so,” you mutter sarcastically. 

You never thought that you were much of a tsundere, but you're starting to understand the appeal. People knowing your emotions so easily is disconcerting, to say the least. You'd rather die than let Seokjin know that his stupid little antics actually do make you happy, since spending time with him doing pretty much anything is always a good time. It's just... someone has to hold the brain cell in the relationship, and you never would have expected that you'd be the wielder majority of the time.

When you step out back into the living room feeling more refreshed, Seokjin is ready to go. Which is to say, he hasn't moved a single inch from where he was standing just ten minutes ago.

"You bitch! I told you to get dressed," you snap. You pull him by the ear, making the 179 cm adult man whine like a little baby. "Take your clothes off!"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" he wheezes, still grimacing from the throbbing pain from where you had tugged his lobe. He tries to wink at you but fails tremendously. He looks like he’s having a funky lil seizure instead. "Just transform me into my animal form and let me ride in your pocket. It's too cold out to walk! You know how sensitive my nipples are! They turn into ping pong balls when it's winter."

"I don't care. Please stop using me as your personal taxi service; you've shat in the pockets of two of my coats already," you grumble, but your pleas remain unheard. He pouts, and your feeble willpower disintegrates immediately at the sight. You sigh, "But since it's your birthday, I won't complain about it this time."

"You literally just complained though?"

You ignore him. You outstretch your finger, ready to boop. "Alright, gimme your nose, wench."

Instead of coming closer as you expected, Seokjin just gives you a contemplative look. Never a good sign. "Actually, that gives me an idea..."

"Oh, dear Merlin. Not another one of those. Please spare me," you groan.

"This one is easy though!" Seokjin tuts, bonking you on the head. You hear something click in the back of your skull, but now is not the time to ponder about such trivialities. He continues, "Instead of my nose being my transformation point... Do you think you could—"

"I am not making your penis your transformation point," you interrupt.

"—make my butt my transformation point? Wait, hold on, nevermind. I think I like your idea better," Seokjin jumps in excitement, but his mirth dies when he sees your unimpressed stare. "Okay, fine. No penis touching. But butts! You touch my butt all the time anyway! It shouldn't be that different."

"Yeah, but I only touch your ass so often because you beg me to punch and massage it in hopes of it becoming bigger. Which, by the way, isn't a real thing. You should do squats instead or something."

Seokjin gasps, scandalized. "Me? Working out? Please, that's as improbable as Yoongi turning into a regular-sized person!"

"I'm telling Yoongi you said that," you roll your eyes. "And to answer your question, no I won't switch your transformation point to your—" Wait, hold the phone. That gives you an idea. A glorious plan, something that might finally teach him a lesson.

No way in hell he would fall for that, though, you think idly to yourself. You’d be too obvious! Unless..?

"What is it?" Seokjin asks, confused when you suddenly stop speaking. He gazes curiously at the way your eyes are glazed over, concerned when he sees the way the corners of your lips twitch slightly. "What's up with you?"

You snap out of your reverie, your mischievous thought quickly cementing itself in your mind. Seokjin may be a chaotic shithead, but so are you. No one can endure living with Kim Seokjin for long without gaining a few shithead genes in the process, and you're no exception. This will teach him to be a little more conscientious, you hope. It's a pipedream, but as they say... Reach for the moon, and if you miss, then at least you'll get swallowed up by a black hole and turn into spaghetti.

"Nothing. Just had a thought, thot." You whistle innocently, barely holding down your grin when Seokjin stares at you suspiciously. Fortunately, your hair color hasn't given you away. To be fair, you didn't know light blue was the color for being a jackass either; you learn something new every day. "Nevermind that. I changed my mind. I'll grant your wish. After all, it is your birthday."

"That's right!" Seokjin exclaims, but there's a note of uncertainty and nervousness in his tone. He squints at you, pursing his lips. "Aha... Of course, it's only right that you give me what I want. It's what you promised, after all."

"Yes, yes... What Seokjin wants, Seokjin gets..." You trail off, your mind preoccupied as you hurriedly go over to your kitchen cupboard. You aren't sure if you kept them or not, so it takes you a few moments of sifting through all the bottles of herbs before you find it in the back, where it has gained a thin layer of dust all over it. You wipe it off, humming in victory when you see that it's exactly what you need.

You take a quick look at the bottom of the bottle, pleased to see that Namjoon had forgotten to label it, like always. But you remember what it is, even though you've never really quite needed to use this particular herb. He had given it to you as a strange novelty item a long time ago: it was an ingredient for obscure potions that were never really ordered at regular magical apothecaries, which is why it had remained untouched in your cupboard until today.

By itself, it has strong magical properties too, or rather... You suppose it would be more accurate to call them side effects. It has an incredibly confounding side effect that some might consider dangerous, which is why it's important to handle this herb with the proper protective equipment. Not that Seokjin would know that, of course.

"Here," you say, handing over the innocuous-looking bottle to Seokjin. He peers at it, turning it over to look for the nonexistent label.

"What is this? Weed?" he murmurs, popping the lid open and taking a tentative sniff. "Doesn't smell like it," he says, raising a brow in confusion. You let out a small giggle, but thankfully, he doesn't notice your slip up.

"Nah, it's called the Baliktad herb. I remember that Namjoon had given it to me ages ago, and it's coincidentally something you can use to... transfer magic from one body part to another." You choose your words carefully, though it's not like you're lying, anyway. Vagueness is the first step in deceit, after all.

"Really? How does it work?" 

"Simple! All you have to do is grind some of the herbs into a powder, mix it with some water to form a paste, then rub it on your nose and your butt. Wait a few seconds and poof!"

Seokjin nods, intrigued. "Wow, I've never heard of this thing before. Are there other uses for this? Say, what if I rubbed some of it on my dick instead—"

"Oh shut the fuck up and give me that," you grab the bottle back, glaring at his impish face. "You know what? I can't trust you to administer it on yourself. Lemme make the paste and I'll rub it on you."

"That sounds hot," Seokjin winks, barely dodging your kick to his nuts. "Hey, hey! Feet off the prize, darling! My balls are where the ladies get their babies."

To stop yourself from screaming, you keep your mouth shut this once. Besides, you're too excited for what you're about to do to him, so keeping silent is a small price to pay. All of it will be worth when you finally give him a taste of his own medicine. Or rather, a smell of his own medicine.

When you finish grinding the herb into a paste, you clear your throat, gesturing for Seokjin to sit on the couch. "Alright, let me put some on your honker first before I get to your ass. And no, you better not make some 'ass is grass' joke."

Seokjin visibly deflates. "Hey, what the fuck? You stole my joke before I even said it! I guess that's soulmate culture for you," he sighs dreamily, before yelping loudly when you shove two gloved fingers up his nostrils. "Hey! What was that for!"

"Oh, sorry," you apologize unapologetically. "I was just worried that if I slathered it on top of your nose, I might accidentally trigger your transformation, so I took the safer route it jammed it up your nostrils instead."

"Whatever happened to a gentlelady's touch..." he whines, scowling petulantly at you. "Wait, if you're gonna jam it up my nostrils, then does that you're also gonna jam it up my—"

Before he can finish his sentence, you push him down onto his stomach, kneeling on his back and literally stealing his breath away. "Aight, rat. I'm shoving your pants down now," you warn gruffly. He makes a winded sound, probably a snarky response that would have made you slap his nuts. Fortunately, your legs were currently crushing his windpipe and leaving him incapable of speaking.

It's funny how you’ve become numb to the sight of his naked ass at this point. Once upon a time, you had blushed constantly at the sight of his sweet cheeks, making for an awkward first two months of living together. Every time you close your eyes, the two globes would be imprinted underneath your lids, haunting you. Nowadays, you'd be more concerned if he wasn't wearing his signature "God Won't Let Me Die" booty shorts.

Also, despite what he says, he isn't completely assless. He has a substantial amount of cake, certainly nothing to scoff at. You grumble and moan about "having" to massage his ass, but honestly? Who wouldn't want to grab his ass? You might be stupid, but you aren't an idiot.

“The salve is going to be cold, by the way,” you warn, though it’s useless to say at this point since he already experienced it when you shoved up his nose just two minutes ago. Whatever. 

Unlike then, you are much gentler applying the salve on his butt this time, mostly out of fear that 1) you'd accidentally penetrate his asshole with your finger like that one time (don't ask), or 2) you'd massage his butt like you know he wants you to.

“Harder, mommy,” he fake moans, wiggling his ass. You almost slap him on instinct, but think better of it.

"I hate that you're such a... debauched cretin," you say, tenderly rubbing his ass with a scowl. If any bystander were to see you, they'd might have thought you were his kind girlfriend rubbing medicine on a bruise or massaging your poor fatigued boyfriend. One might have even thought you were rubbing him a little bit too sensually, but little do people know... You were playing a stupid little prank on your dumbass familiar that may or may not cause him to beat you up (not that it would be much of a punishment to you, anyway. They don’t write romances like these anymore, huh?)

He taps you on the thigh, and you guess that he’s probably having difficulty breathing from your weight on his back. Feeling kinda bad for him, you shift your legs over, choosing to straddle him instead. However, the regret from your decision comes instantaneously the moment he regains his breath.

"You love me, though. You think I'm funny," Seokjin replies, albeit his voice is still a little strained under your weight.  "You think I'm cute, too."

Yeah, you do. "I think your hamster form is cute. Get that shit out of your head," you scoff, but your heated cheeks betray you.

“I can’t see you right now, but I bet your hair is an insane shade of purple, isn’t it?” he teases, wiggling like a worm to express his glee.

“Fuck you,” you grouse. You slap his thigh twice in retribution: the first one for teasing you, and the second one for pretending to moan after you had slapped him the first time.

He was only half-right about your hair, anyway. You catch a glimpse of your pastel purple and pink hair from the corner of your eye, alarmingly visible for all to see. Honestly, it doesn’t take a lot of brainpower to figure out what pink actually means, most especially since you have never been subtle with your affections for him. After all, not everyone has the patience to keep up with his antics. The fact that you haven’t squashed him into a tiny hamster pancake is proof enough that you really do love him.

I mean, who else would give Kim Seokjin ten wishes on his birthday? That's giving him way too much power that no one should be comfortable with. Just goes to show that maybe like attracts like, sometimes. You must be a little crazy too, you suppose.

He’s never caught on to your feelings, however, as he probably thinks you’re more like an annoying younger sister or something. After all, you bicker with him more than anything else, but that’s just how it is on this bitch of an earth.

Luckily or unluckily for you, Seokjin doesn’t comment on your hair color when he sits up after you finish rubbing the herbs onto his gooch. He’s much too busy wrinkling his nose in confusion, his forehead scrunching as the herbs are presumably starting to take effect.

“How am I supposed to know when the herbs work?” he asks, scratching his nose. The salve has dried out considerably, turning more into flecks that fall off when he disturbs it. So now, it looks like he has disgusting leathery boogers hanging out from his nostrils. Somehow, he makes it work anyway.

“Oh, you’ll know,” you respond vaguely, smiling when you can tell that Seokjin’s suspicions are beginning to grow. “Want me to test it out?”

Seokjin nods, leaning closer and presenting you with his nose. You tap him gently on the tip (lol), both of you waiting for the scent of caramel and mint to signal his shift. When nothing comes, Seokjin gasps in elation, clapping his hands gleefully as he bounces up and down in his seat.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe that worked! I was so sure you were gonna prank me… I overestimated you,” he says haughtily, pointing his stupid nose up in the air. He guffaws, standing up and wagging his ass at you smugly. “C’mon, then! Slap my ass and let’s see if it really works!”

You don’t move immediately, disappointed when the actual effect of the herb doesn’t seem to be working. You pout, observing him skeptically. “Wait, hold on. Are you sure you don’t feel weird?”

His victory hoots come to an abrupt halt. “No? Why would I be?”

“Don’t you… smell anything odd?”

Seokjin looks at you weirdly. “No? Unless you count not smelling my transformation scent, then—wait, just a second.” He freezes up, sniffing the air with a disgusted expression on his face. “Shit, you’re right! There’s something super funky in the air. You didn’t fuck up my sense of smell or something, did you?”

“Nope,” you say, popping your p. Your smirk grows, breathy giggles escaping you. “Say, can you describe what you’re smelling?”

“Oh Merlin, it’s terrible! It smells like shit? Like fucking… like ass or something!” He grimaces, sticking his tongue out as he is assaulted by the stench that only he can smell. “What the fuck is that? Oh my fucking word…”

You’re breaking into full out laughter at this point, nearly falling over onto the floor from the strength of your mirth. You barely hear Seokjin’s squawks of bewilderment, ignoring his demands to tell him what you had done to him.

“I can’t believe it worked,” you wheeze, hunched over on your knees. You’re spraying spit everywhere from your hysterics, though you are exaggerating your delight a little just to piss Seokjin off. You point and scream at his face, hollering like a banshee until he finally grabs your wrists to make you stop.

“Out with it! What the hell did you do to me?” he shouts, shaking you roughly with unhinged eyes.

It takes you a moment to respond, unable to breathe through your giggles. “You—you’re fucking—smelling your own—wheeze—your own ass!”

Seokjin stares at you, dumbfounded. “What?!”

“Your—HAHA—your fucking ass! I switched your nose to your ass, you idiot! Just like you asked!”

Seokjin’s jaw drops, complete bafflement and betrayal on his expression. He backs away from you, shaking his head slowly with bugged-out eyes as he begins to fully understand the weight of your treachery. “You,” he seethes, venom dripping from that singular word. He sounds like a pet owner about to scold their dumbass cat for eating his prized plastic big booby women figurines or something. 

You grin sweetly back at him, batting your eyelashes for extra effect. “Me? What about me?”

You don’t even have the reflexes to dodge him when he lunges for you, grabbing your neck and strangling you. “You bitch! How could you do this to me on my birthday!”

“Hehehe…” you wheeze, sounding even more goblin-ish with his grip on your throat. “You underestimated me, bastard. You asked for your ass to become your transformation point, and I did. You never said I couldn’t make transfer your sense of smell, too.”

“I didn’t ask you to make me smell my own ass! This is fucking garbage!” he yells, letting you go. You gasp for breath, but you’re still shaking with laughter at the absolutely deranged look in his eyes. He looks like an ape that was recently set free from his enclosure and out onto the streets.

“That’s what you get for not wiping your ass, then!” you retort, sticking your tongue out petulantly.

“Well, we can’t go to Namjoon’s house when all I can smell is my own fucking ass! Merlin, I should’ve downed the luck potion when you left to get changed, but I wanted to be A GOOD PERSON and so decided against it,” he sniffs, utterly irked by this turn of events. “I’m never going to be a moral person again!”

“When have you ever been one? I wasn’t even aware you had a conscience,” you say. “Wait, that reminds me. I’ll be taking these until we go to Namjoon’s, then!” You grab the luck and truth potions, keeping them behind your back. Seokjin immediately tries to grab them, but you’re quick to punch him in the gut with your free hand.

“Ooph! You’re such a meanie—aw shit!” Seokjin screams, holding his hands to his nose instinctively. “Fuck! That was a dirty move! You know hitting my stomach makes me fart! I can’t even cover my nose!”

“Hey, maybe for your next wish, you should ask for some cake. Then maybe we can recreate the cake farts video,” you suggest, mostly as a joke. But of course, you shouldn’t have been surprised when Seokjin starts to seriously contemplate your offer.

“Hmm… I was gonna ask for cake next, but now you’re making me really want cake now,” he hums, shrugging you off when you hit him in retaliation. “What? Why do you keep hitting me?! You’re the one who said it, not me! We might as well turn lemons into lemonade!”

“It was a fucking joke, you moron! I’m seriously going to eat you if you don’t stop being weird—”

“Oh shit, how do you keep reading my mind? Vore was gonna be my next wish too—”

“Shut up!” you hiss, your ears perking up. “I think I heard something from outside.”

You were both so busy bickering with each other that you hadn’t noticed that the doorbell had been ringing for the last minute or so. You both freeze, hearing the shrill sound of the bell going off, followed by three loud knocks. “Hello? Y/N? Are you home?” a familiar voice calls out. “It’s me, Taehyung!”

“Taehyung?” you shriek, staring incredulously at the door. He isn’t meant to visit until the end of the month to pick up refills for his grandfather’s medication. What could he need all of a sudden? “H-hold on! Gimme one sec!”

You’re only two steps away from answering the door when a growl (a squeal? Can hamsters growl?) stops you in your tracks. You slowly turn back to Seokjin, your blood running cold when you remember his blatant dislike for this particular customer. In fact, his aversion towards Taehyung runs so deep that you never allow him to stay in his human form around him lest he begins cursing him out like a sailor.

It doesn’t help, however, that Taehyung only ever sees him in his hamster form and constantly coos at him like a pet. You’ve had to apologize numerous times for the dozens of bites all over his hands and arms, but Taehyung always laughs it off, too oblivious to realize that a two-inch hamster wants to suffocate him with his own mullet.

There seems to be no discernable reason as to why Seokjin loathes Taehyung with such passion, though you’ve always suspected that it’s because he feels threatened by people prettier than him. You’d be the last person to admit to him that he’ll always be the prettiest in your eyes, especially since it would only make him ten times more insufferable.

Until then, Taehyung is just going to have to deal with a murderous, psychotic furball coming for his life. 

Aforementioned psychotic furball takes a step towards the front door, but you’re quick to block his path. “Don’t you dare,” you warn, but you can already sense Seokjin’s hackles rising.

“I know what I want for my next wish,” Seokjin responds instead, disregarding your order.

“Overruled. I’m not letting you kick Taehyung in the nuts,” you say, hands poised to attack. You’re about to smack him on the nose when you realize that it’s not going to work this time. “Fuck! Give me your ass! I am not letting you get away with murder for your birthday!”

“I’ll give you my ass next time, darling. For now, I must defeat my sworn enemy, once and for all!” he howls, making a mad dash towards the door. “I’ll kill you, pretty boy! Only one person can be pretty, and it’s going to be me!”

He may be quicker than you on a regular day, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins gives you enough speed to land a loud, fat slap on his ass before he can even think to twist the doorknob open. Seokjin yelps in surprise as he turns towards you with a betrayed look in his eyes, before promptly being swallowed up by pink smoke and leaving an aggressive ball of fur where he once stood.

“Squeak! Squeak squeak squeak squeak!!” he squeaks, and you’ve long since learned his mannerisms well enough that you know that he just said “Y/N! I’ll fucking kill you!!” or something to that effect.

You pick him up gently into your hands, shushing him to no avail. “Fine, if you’re going to be that way—” you hiss, glaring at him when he gives you a haughty squeak. “—then I’ll just have to...yah!” you yell, hucking him across your living room and (safely) onto the couch.

(Caution: Do not do this to your hamsters. Seokjin is a magical hamster and is unnaturally sturdy, even in hamster form. He is an outlier and should not be counted. Plus, he deserves it.)

With Seokjin out of the way, you finally manage to get the door open without trouble. You greet Taehyung with a smile, although you do not doubt in your mind that you must look a bit worse for wear. Like the gentleman that he is, Taehyung doesn’t comment on your haggard appearance.

“Hey, Y/N. Sorry for intruding without notice. May I come in?” he asks. You nod a little too enthusiastically, stepping aside and allowing him into your abode. You glance at the couch, gasping quietly when you don’t see Seokjin anywhere. 

“Shit,” you curse lowly, to which Taehyung turns to you with a confused look.

“Pardon?” He must have mistaken your agitation to be directed towards him, as he bows to you apologetically. “Sorry again, you must be busy with other things today, but I’m in desperate need of a refill.”

“A refill?” you ask, semi-distracted as your eyes flit around the room, desperately searching for the small brown ball undoubtedly zipping around right under your nose. “What for? Is your grandfather doing okay?”

“Yes, ol’ pops is doing fine. I’m here to ask for a refill for… the other thing,” he coughs, cheeks darkening ever so slightly. His embarrassed tone breaks you from your search for Seokjin, forcing your gaze on him instead.

“The other thing? What do you mean—oh,” you interrupt yourself, finally understanding his meaning. “That thing.”

Taehyung nods frantically, hiding his face in his hands. “S-sorry, I know I asked for that potion as a one-time thing, but I met this new girl who’s really energetic, and let’s just say that I’m not keen on disappointing her when we’ve only started dating.”

You chuckle lightly, patting him on the back. “No need to explain, Tae. I’m not here to judge you. Besides, I just hope this girl doesn’t accidentally kill you like the previous one. Didn’t you say you went at it for three days straight?”

Taehyung groans, his flush growing until it reaches the back of his neck. “D-don’t even remind me about that! I accidentally took two doses of the potion that time and I was wishing for death by the seventh hour. I swear, I thought my dick was gonna turn into a raisin by the end of it—”

“Squeak!”

You both turn your heads towards the shrill noise coming from somewhere in your kitchen. “Shit, I forgot! T-Tae, just stay right here! I’ll be right back.” You jog towards the source, suddenly remembering that there was a live rodent on the loose with an evil agenda and only you would be able to stop him from fulfilling his goals.

You burst inside, immediately spotting that your bottom cupboard is ajar. It’s where you keep your extra stores of potions for regular customers, but you have very little time to wonder which potion Seokjin is aiming for before you’re already ripping open the door to stop the vermin.

“Oh you fucking little ballsack,” you snarl, dismayed when you realize that you’re too late. Seokjin has already found the potion he was looking for, having opened it up and already halfway finished drinking the damn thing.

You slap him away from the bottle before he can do any more damage, smacking him hard enough that his tiny hamster body slams against the cupboard wall. You don’t miss the victorious furry grin on his face, holding up a tiny hamster thumbs up to spite you. “What the hell did you drink?” you hiss, grabbing the half-empty bottle and flipping it over to read the label. “Verbosity potion… Oh, you bastard!”

You know Seokjin has always wanted to cuss out Taehyung like it’s his life mission, but you’ve always made sure that he was safely locked away in his bedroom whenever the younger boy was over for a visit. Seokjin knows today was his only opportunity to get his way, especially since he could always weasel his way out of punishment by using his birthday as an excuse.

“If you say even one word to Taehyung, I swear I’ll—”

“Y/N? Is everything alright?” Taehyung asks meekly from the living room, still standing where you had left him. He has his neck craned slightly to check up on you, but your back is thankfully blocking his view of the tiny psychopath you call your familiar.

“Y-yes! Everything’s just peachy keen,” you laugh nervously, your attention still focused on Seokjin. Your familiar has yet to make a peep, and both of you are slightly confused when he struggles to speak.

“S...squeak?” Seokjin asks, blinking in bewilderment. He looks to you for an explanation, but you’re as lost as he is. Not to toot your own horn, but you’re one of the greatest potion makers of your generation; it’s almost unheard of for your potions to not work.

You don’t question it for now; instead, you grab Taehyung’s requested refill from the back, the red and pink label making it easy to locate. “Here you go! This should be less intense than the previous one I gave you. This one will lose its effect once you’ve… finished, to say the least,” you grimace, smiling awkwardly.

Taehyung takes it from you, shaking your hands wildly. “Thank you so much, Y/N! You’re definitely a lifesaver. I owe you one,” he says, already making his way out the door. “I’ll hand over the payment to you when I come to pick up my grandfather’s medicines at the end of the month if that’s fine with you!”

“No worries, Tae. Take care!” you call out, waving goodbye until he closes your door shut. With Taehyung gone, you instantly return to kneel in front of your cupboard, where Seokjin is still slumped over, unmoving. He looks more dazed than usual, his black eyes unseeing as he stares somewhere behind you.

“Seokjin? You alright? Can you speak?” you ask, but he doesn’t react, as if he hadn’t heard you. You wave a hand in front of his face, snapping your fingers when that doesn’t work. “Hey, smooth brain. I’m sorry for smacking you, okay? I know it’s your birthday and I should be treating you better, but you really shouldn’t snoop around in my potion stores and drink stuff without my permission.”

When Seokjin still does not reply, you decide to pick him up and place him on the floor. You tap him on the bum, waiting a few seconds until Seokjin is back to his human form. When the smoke fades, he’s still stuck in his stupor, but you notice the dark red flush creeping up his neck and ears.

“Seokjinnie? Holy shit, are you okay?” You panic slightly, holding a hand up to his forehead and gasping when you feel the sharp rise in his body temperature. He is definitely feverish, and you’re worried that he might have had some allergic reaction to the potion or something. “Shit, are you getting a rash? Sweetie, can you hear me? Say something, please.”

“Y/N,” he rasps, licking his lips. His pupils are undilated to an unnerving degree, and his breathing is ragged. He stands up unsteadily, wobbling in place. “Fuck, I don’t really feel well.” His voice is deep, speaking unusually slower. You shudder involuntarily, fearful and intrigued all at once.

You shake your head, clearing your thoughts. Seokjin could seriously be in danger right now! Now is not the time to get horny! “Seokjin, explain how you feel. I’ll try to figure out what antidote I should make in case you actually did accidentally poison yourself with something,” you say hurriedly, going over to your stove and grabbing a spare cauldron from its rack. You’re grabbing random herbs and chucking them into a pot, too preoccupied and worried to hear Seokjin groan behind you.

“I feel… hot. And not in a sexy way,” Seokjin whimpers, curling into himself. There is sweat lining the edge of his brow, despite the house being relatively chilly due to the cold weather. “Okay, maybe a little bit in a sexy way.”

“Well if you can still joke about it, then it shouldn’t be life-threatening, whatever this is,” you say. Seokjin coughs out a laugh, but even that makes him cringe from the discomfort.

You decide to check the potion he had drank and see what ingredients you had used, as it usually will tell you how to make a reverse for it. When you grab the bottle, it only just hits you that the color of the potion is a little off than you remember. If you remember correctly, verbosity potions are usually a pale yellow color, but this one has a darker and deeper tone. In fact, you could see flecks of red sediment floating around, something that you recognize as wyvern blood.

Hold on… Verbosity potions don’t require wyvern blood. Very few potions require it at all, and the only one you can think of that would need it is none other than—

“Oh fucking shit,” you curse for what feels like the twentieth time in this story. You whip your head to face Seokjin, whose entire upper body seems to be bathed in a deep red flush. He’s panting in earnest now, tongue lolling out as he fights the fever consuming him. Little does he know, it isn’t a regular type of fever that he’ll be able to recover with medicine. You gulp, struggling to find an explanation.

“So, umm…” You laugh hesitantly, rubbing the back of your neck with a wry smile. Seokjin peeks up at you from behind his bangs, some of it plastered to his forehead from sweat. The faraway look in his eyes has disappeared, replaced by an unsettling hunger and darkness that is uncharacteristic for the mischievous hamster shifter. You gulp. “Seokjin, I think I know what you drank and it wasn’t the verbosity potion.”

“What?” he croaks, wincing when he adjusts himself to lean on the kitchen counter. You catch sight of a bulge forming in the front of his pajama shorts, miraculously still unnoticed by Seokjin himself. “Fuck, Y/N. I’m burning up.”

The way he utters your name brings a shiver down your spine, and your familiar notices immediately. His gaze is transfixed on the exposed part of your neck, trailing over your skin until his eyes finally land on your lips. You lick them unconsciously, with Seokjin following the movement.

“Seokjin, I need you to get to bed right now. I don’t know how long this potion is going to last, but I’m gonna need you to—”

“What did you do to me?” Seokjin growls, his grip on the counter tightening to the point that he may have cracked the marble. You know he’s strong despite being a prey shifter, but you didn’t think he’d become this powerful and aggravated. You’re guessing that it might be a side effect from him drinking the potion when he was in his hamster form. He had more or less drunk the dosage required for a regular-sized human, so his smaller body size must have led to a slight overdose. This is all guesswork on your part, but hindsight isn’t going to help you right now.

“I, umm… I think I might have accidentally mislabelled the potion,” you admit reluctantly, feeling meek under his heavy presence. You’ve never felt threatened or intimidated by him before, so this is completely uncharted territory for you. You know deep in your heart that he’d never do anything to hurt you even in his inebriated state, but you would still do well to take all your precautions when approaching him. “I think… I might have given Taehyung the wrong potion, too.”

Seokjin doesn’t respond and just keeps watching you as you fidget in place. You continue, “H-he came over today because he wanted a refill, right? W-well, he actually asked for libido potion. And, so—”

“You gave me horny juice? Is that what’s happening?” Seokjin groans, crossing his legs together when he finally registers the very distinct swelling in his underwear. “Fuck,” he moans, involuntarily humping the air to search for some sort of reprieve.

You scoff, trying to keep your tone as level as possible so as not to alarm him. “What do you mean I gave you horny juice? You’re the one who drank it without permission!” you retort, but the scolding dies on your lips when Seokjin starts to grind against the counter, small gasps leaving his mouth. Your throat goes dry, and you know it’ll only be a few more moments before Seokjin’s limited control will start to slip away.

“Y-Y/N, what do I do?” he whines, giving up on the counter and weakly reaching out for you. “I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t cum right now. I-I need you.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” you start, your stomach swirling with arousal. His scent is stronger than usual, filling your senses with nothing but caramel, mint, and Seokjin. Even as you’re talking, you feel your resolve chipping away despite your better judgment. “You’re not thinking properly right now, and I don’t wanna take advantage of you—”

“N-no! I want it, no, I want you. I’ve always wanted you,” he pants, taking the two short steps to latch his hands on your waist. You flinch when you feel his large palms touch you, the heat palpable even through your clothes. Even with lust clouding his vision, he is gentle with you, like he’s afraid of hurting you. “I-I know you must think I’m a nuisance, and I’ve done n-nothing but annoy you these past few months, but I… I genuinely care about you a lot, Y/N. W-which is why I was so hurt when I thought you forgot my birthday, but even if you did, I was j-just happy to be living with you. Because I really lo—”

He gasps, unable to finish his thought as he accidentally tightens his grasp on you. He pulls you closer until your bodies are aligned, nuzzling into your neck. His teeth scrape your skin slightly, pulling a loud moan from you. You flush, embarrassed, but you have no time to worry about that when you feel how incredibly hard and solid he is against your stomach.

“P-please, help me? It doesn’t have to mean anything; we can forget about it after but right now, I don’t think I’m going to live past tomorrow unless I have my cock stuffing your pussy right this very moment,” he says in one breath, his hands reaching behind you to squeeze your ass. He inhales deeply, releasing it with a content sigh. “Fuck, I can already smell how wet you are. I just know my cock will stretch it out real good, just like how I always dreamed.”

“You… you dreamt of me like that?” you whisper, shocked. You don’t know why your brain latches onto that piece of information out of all the filthy things he just said, but you have to admit that the thought of him having wet dreams about you turns you on greatly.

“Are you kidding me? Have you seen yourself?” He sounds incredulous, like you’d just said something completely unfathomable to him. “Fuck, do you remember when I got my rut two months ago, and I stayed with Namjoon and Yoongi so that you wouldn’t feel awkward around me? They love to tease me about the number of times I moaned your name every time I came,” he admits. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you even if I tried.”

“Fuck, Seokjinnie,” you whine, your fingers scrambling to hang onto his chest, his back, his neck—anywhere, really. Your legs feel like jelly, afraid that you might stumble from how weak you’ve become from your own arousal. “Why didn’t you say anything before now?”

“I’m sorry I had to confess this way,” he says, caressing your hair with unexpected tenderness. He chuckles quietly, his breath tickling your neck. “But I really mean it, horny juice or not.”

Your heart squeezes inside your chest, not believing your lucky stars for allowing you to meet this wonderful boy in front of you. You can hardly believe your ears; never in your wildest dreams would you ever expect that he would also like you back.

“Seokjin, I also—” you begin, ready to spill your feelings all over the floor, but the moment is broken when Seokjin abruptly lifts you by the ass, his palms squeezing you as he barrels determinedly to his bedroom. You shriek in surprise, clutching onto his neck and holding on for dear life. “What the fuck? Seokjin, put me down!”

“No time for feelings! We can talk after we fuck,” he hoots, bouncing you onto the bed. You grunt from the impact, disoriented by the quick turn of events. Your head is spinning, so you don’t even register Seokjin’s hands peeling off your pants in one smooth motion.

A mixture of the cold air and nerves causes your legs to be littered with goosebumps. Seokjin, ever the attentive familiar, notices and rubs soothing circles all over, the heat inside of you coming back with a vengeance. “Sorry about that, baby,” he coos, massaging you. You shake your head, telling him it’s alright.

You are embarrassed when you feel how your panties stick uncomfortably against your skin, already so painfully aroused as if you had been the one affected by the potion. Your shame melts away when you see how much worse Seokjin is, however, as his nostrils flare with want. 

“I’m glad my nose still works, by the way. I don’t know what I’d do if I missed the opportunity to smell your pretty pussy,” he sighs, situating himself in between your legs. He blows gently against your clothed slit, effectively causing all coherency to leave you for the night.

He watches your reactions slyly, his body heat radiating off of him in waves. For once, he looks more like predator than prey. “I know I said I was desperate to fuck you, but do you mind if I start with an appetizer first? I wanted cake today, but turns out my dessert was here all along…” he trails off, smirking when he catches the steadily growing spot on your underwear. “Oh, baby. I know you’re going to be the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“I-I,” you stutter, shuddering with desire. You whimper pathetically as he traces your panties with a fingernail, your stomach clenching with desire. “I didn’t know you could be like this.”

“Like what?” he hums, pulling your panties off to join your discarded pants. He grins at the sight of your glistening core, wetting his lips in anticipation. “God, you’re so pretty. I could just eat you up.”

“Then why don’t you?” you reply, trying to gain some semblance of control. That silly notion is thrown out the window, however, the moment Seokjin licks a fat stripe up your cunt. “Ngnnhh, fuck!”

Seokjin moans in tandem with you, slurping you up like a starved man. “Baby, you’re just as good as I thought. I could cum from eating you out alone.” He takes a deep breath, kissing your core almost chastely. “Fuck, I know I could cum from this alone,” he amends, rubbing his clothed length against the bed sheets.

The velvety wet heat of his tongue on your dripping pussy makes you clench around nothing, ripping a scream out of you when he focuses directly on your clit. He sucks with an obscene grin on his face, holding your hips down when your entire body begins to tremble.

“So sensitive,” Seokjin says, sluggish and gravelly like he’s drunk on your taste. “So fucking sensitive. How are you real, baby?”

“Jinnie, please,” you whine, doing your best to grind on his tongue despite his iron hold on you. “I want more, please.”

Seokjin only chuckles darkly, continuing his vicious pace. “C’mon, use my tongue like you want,” he says, letting go of you and allowing you to hump his mouth with reckless abandon.

You do as he says, swirling your hips against him with reckless abandon. The heat in your abdomen steadily builds, and you know you’re only seconds away from tipping over. “I’m close, Seokjin,” you huff, chasing your high. “Please, let me cum? Can I cum, Seokjinnie?”

He nods his head, unable to respond verbally as you continue to assault his tongue. After three more licks, you release with a silent scream, writhing violently from the strength of it. 

He gives your clit one last sweet peck, sitting up with a feral grin on his face. His chin is dripping with your arousal, his plump lips redder than usual. He makes a show of licking your juices around his mouth, chuckling when all you can do is swallow wantonly.

“Thank you for the meal, baby,” he teases, his lust-riddled gaze slightly clearer now that he’s had a proper taste of you. However, the glaring tent in his shorts is still painfully present, a small darkened patch visible on his crotch.

“Wan’ your cock,” you slur, boneless and blissed out but still filled with the longing for more. “Fill my cunnie until I can’t walk anymore,” you croak, pussy twitching for extra measure. Seokjin’s expression twists, his pupils widening until his eyes are pitch black.

Seokjin doesn’t waste any more time. He rips his shorts off in record time, stripping himself of his shirt as well. You remove your own shirt and bra, causing your nipples to harden from the cold air. You tweak them as you wait for Seokjin to get himself situated, hungrily appreciating his beautiful torso and god-like shoulders. “Don’t use a condom, Jinnie. I want to feel all of you,” you say when he begins to reach inside his dresser. You can physically feel his unhinged desire growing from your words, your pussy dripping in anticipation.

“Gonna fill your pretty pussy, huh? Fill you until you have my babies?” he rasps, positioning his cock in front of you. “Gonna plug you up with my cum, Y/N? Is that what you want?”

You cant your hips upward, whining when his tip only just grazes your lips teasingly. “Fuck me already,” you beg. “Want you to ruin me.”

“Who am I to deny you? Ask and you shall receive,” he grins, before slowly pushing inside. Your jaw drops at the intrusion, as it’s been a while since you’ve last gotten fucked like this. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Almost like your pussy is sucking me in,” he groans, straining to keep himself from thrusting all the way into you. “Like you’re made for me.”

“You can m-move faster. I can take it,” you whisper, eyebrows pulling together. You sound desperate to your own ears, the pain and pleasure mixing deliciously and making your cunt weep with want. 

There is a moment of hesitation on Seokjin’s part, but that all drains away when he sees your determination. Without another warning, he shoves himself up to the hilt, causing you to arch your back with a loud cry.

“Fuck,” he curses, but there is still worry in his eyes. “Baby, are okay? Are you good?”

It takes you a moment to remember how to speak. “C’mon, Seokjin. Move. I can take it,” you beg. 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he moans, but nods his head anyway.

Seokjin pulls back until only his tip remains inside you before slamming back harshly, hard enough that you’re sliding backward. He begins his brutal pace, his dick stretching you out nicely like he promised. You let out tiny squeaks with every pump of cock, hitting you perfectly in the spot that makes you see stars.

“Kiss me?” you gasp out in between moans, pulling him by the hair until you’re kissing him sloppily. It’s more teeth than anything, as Seokjin grunts into your mouth with every tug of his roots. You bite his bottom lip after a particularly rough thrust, but it only encourages him to pick up the pace.

You wrap your legs around his torso, pulling him as close as humanly possible. You can already feel your second orgasm approaching rapidly, your toes curling in anticipation.

“Seokjinnie, I’m gonna cum soon. Please, I can’t hold it—”

“I’m close too,” he says hotly in your ear. He sucks a bruise into your neck, moaning when he feels your pussy tighten in response. He drills into your cunt faster, the rhythm of his thrusts growing sloppy as he reaches his own release. He reaches down between the two of you, rubbing circles into your clit. “Fuck, baby. Cum with me?”

You sob his name, your muscles contracting as your body lights up with intense pleasure. Your back arches off the bed, your walls milking Seokjin dry until thick white ropes of cum start leaking in rivulets down your sopping cunt and all over your thighs. You can feel his throbbing length inside you as continuous streams of hot seed keep flowing from him, filling you to the brim.

Seokjin slowly comes to a complete halt, but he still hasn’t pulled out. “I’m gonna keep my cum in you for a moment, okay? Don’t wanna waste any of it, right?”

You can only nod tiredly in agreement, completely tuckered out. Your chest heaves from your laboured breathing, but the smile on your face can only be described as content. “Wow. Color me surprised. Didn’t think you’d wanna be a father so early,” you say hoarsely.

Now sated, Seokjin’s demeanor returns to its normal state, his aura less crazed than before. He has the decency to look embarrassed, but the twinkle in his eyes shows that he doesn’t regret it in the slightest. “I’d be more than happy to be the father of your children. We’re already going to live with each other forever, so I might as well raise your children anyway.”

“Might as well?” you laugh, pressing a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. “You make it sound like it’s your obligation. And who said I’d live with you forever?”

“Well, I mean, who else is going to love you the way that I do?” he murmurs, nuzzling your noses together. “Who else would be your annoyingly handsome hamster familiar?”

“Quite,” you grumble, allowing him to maneuver you into a more comfortable cuddling position. You kiss him properly this time, enjoying the sweet, warm pleasure of his affection. You’ve never felt so happy in your life. “Happy birthday, Seokjin. I’m sorry this isn’t the way I planned for it to go, but I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Agreed. It’s just like us, huh?” he snorts. He cushions your face against his chest, carding his fingers tenderly through your hair. “Say… Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me, what does your pink hair actually mean?”

You chuckle, snuggling deeper into his comforting scent. You feel yourself slipping into slumber, eyelids threatening to fall. You’ve always loved cuddling Seokjin, after all. But most of all... 

I love you, of course. “I think you already know, genius.”

Even when the sun finishes its descent from the sky and darkness fills the room, the bright pink of your hair glows—unfaltering.

[2-cute-4-school]

𝘕𝘊𝘛 𝘋𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴

requested by the lovely @m4rshm4llow​ (*ૂ❛ัᴗ❛ั*ૂ)

Mark Lee

i think mark is quite good with children too when he’s not frozen in awkwardness

but i wouldn’t trust with him alone with a kid for too long tbh

like i see him as someone who could probably entertain a kid for a couple of hours succesfully but taking care of them?? yeah no (˵¯͒ བ¯͒˵)

so let’s say he had to tag along with you to babysit because he didn’t want to waste any time he could spend with you *let my boy receive his love*

but he’s not thaaaat excited he just hopes that the kid will get K.O.-ed early in the night so he could have some alone time with you( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).... TO CUDDLE ya nasties

so when you arrive at your cousin’s house and you come in

he surely DIDN’T expect a kid to literally throw himself onto you and cling to your legs while chanting your name o(*^▽^*)o

the only way you can get him to detach so you can walk is if you pick him up in your arms

“y/n, who’s he?” mark just stares at the chubby finger pointed at him and produces an *HIGHLY AWKWARD* smile like (*′☉.̫☉)

“oh this is mark, my boyfriend”

*silence* “ew”

now hold on rewind

did a kid just ‘ew’ at mark (｡☉︵ ಠ╬)

and then he had THE AUDACITY to cling to your neck while rambling about his new robot toy and mark had to THIRDWHEEL the entire night

now he’s sure you have superpowers how could you tame that!!??!?! even haechan could be considered mild in comparison to... this ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ

he’s pouty the entire evening while you play and take care of the newly spawned devil in town who HOGS your attention the entire time

so when he finally runs out of energy a bit later than mark would have hoped for, he’s quick to envelop you in his arms and drag you into a well deserved cuddle session ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

“what took you so looong?”

“sorry sorry, i had to look under his man for boogeyman”

“pffft i think boogeyman is the one looking under his bed for that kid”

but he does melt when he remembers the way your eyes sparkled as the child giggled excitedly on your lap while imagining himself in the picture too (๑°꒵°๑)･*♡

Huang Renjun

renjun as we all know is just a bit short tempered so i’m not sure where he stands in his relationship with kids 눈_눈

but also he brings up his younger cousins quite often and he seems very fond of them whenever he talks about them

so i guess he likes kids but like good kids ya know Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

so let’s say you’re shopping in like one of those bigger supermarkets

and you hear cries

your mother instincts literally GO OFF LIKE CRAZY

renjun doesn’t even have the time to blink before you’re dragging him in the direction of the noise with such precision you might as well have a radar at this point ᕕ༼✿•̀︿•́༽ᕗ

turns out a little girl was lost between the tall aisles

renjun is a lil bewildered cause what is he supposed to do? not like he’s tall enough to see other the aisles in his dreams maybe

but you seem to know EXACTLY what to do as you crouch down in front of the girl and speak to her so gently not even renjun can hear properly

and then as if nothing happened she stops crying

just like that so renjun decides to try his luck too o｜◕ˇ▽ˇ◕｜ツ

“come on, let’s go find mommy and daddy”

and lemme tell ya the little girl sprung into your arms and clung to you with everything she had as she mumbled into your neck

“i only wanna go with miss” (つ﹏<)･ﾟ｡

his eye twitched a lil ngl （；¬＿¬)

and that’s how you end up taking a stroll to the announcement desk with a whole child gripping onto your hand

renjun would have never imagined his grocery run to turn into this

he only wanted some damn carrots not a frickin child ಠ╭╮ಠ

thankfully it didn’t take long for the parents to run over and thank you for returning their child safely but there was only one problem left

getting her to let go of you

that was a whole ass dramatic goodbye

poor renjun was left exhausted after this he gave up any grocery run he intended to do and dragged you home pronto (ﾉTдT)ﾉ

he admires you so much for how you handled the situation and how you seemed to be so natural and in your element he can only think of how great of a mother you will be in the future with his beside you hopefully

Lee Jeno

one word, his greatest asset: PATIENCE

i see jeno as a man of patience which is more than just helpful when it comes to handling children ❀.(*´◡`*)❀.

he’s also volunteered in all these programs that involved children and he did really well if you ask me soooo he’s a good ally to have (︶.̮︶✽)

and you really REALLY want to volunteer together at one of those like emergency centres for children or something

and who is he to deny his love? he couldn’t have even if he wanted to, you’re too cute in his eyes so he lets you get your way anyway

so before you step inside one of the caretakers gives you some advice

warns you that the new kid, a little girl still in primary school, is still very closed off and wary of everyone

but as you step inside the kids get drawn to you like moths to a flame, swarming around you and asking you questions while dragging you in the living room to play with them

jeno just trails behind, watching the entire commotion with his soft eye smile as he understands (◍•ᴗ•◍)

he knows that you just have a way with people, he’s been in the same position mesmerized by you, it’s one of the reasons he loves you so much and seeing you so purely happy surrounded by children

MELTED HIM ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡

eventually you drag him into the happy circle too and he seems to fit in just right by your side with giggling children everywhere around you

he ends up using his muscly arms ᕙ[ ˵ ͡’ ω ͡’ ˵ ]ᕗ as swings

“hey!! i’m stronger than you!!! let’s have a fight!!!!”

you just giggle as you colour some pictures with a few kids but stare at your boyfriend from the corner of your eye

jeno is so simply happy and comfortable he doesn’t even notice when you disappear from the crowd at first

but when he does his eyes search wildly for you like a lost puppy Σ(ﾟﾛ､ﾟ;)

but then he spots you

curled up on a small couch in the corner of the room, deep in conversation with the new girl whose eyes seemed just a little brighter as you clutched her hand in yours warmly ｡ﾟ.(*´◡` )

and jeno just realises again

you’re just working your charm once again and once again jeno falls for you for the nth time, deeper than the last time and lighter than the next

Lee Donghyuck

this manchild right here smh ୧༼◔益◔୧ ༽

now don’t get me wrong i’m pretty sure he’s decent at least with children

given he has two younger siblings and he often talks about hanging out with his little brother also have you seen that vid with the little girl?? the was he talked to her ⊂（♡⌂♡）⊃

buuuut BUT he’s also DYING like a fish out of water without attention

so when he invites you to tag along to his hangout with his lil bro

he didn’t expect TO BE THE ONE THIRDWHEELING!!!! (╬ಠ益ಠ)

you keep feeding and pampering his brother who basks in your full attention half because he loves it half because he loves the annoyed look on hyuck’s face

“babe i want some kimchi too” (*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)

“oh!!! sure, i’m sorry for hoarding it all”

and as hyuck awaits with his eyes closed and his mouth open with a pleased smile

you plop a bowl of kimchi in front of him and turn back to his brother as he tugs on the sleeve of your shirt

hyuck, muttering to himself: ‘i should have left you home, you lil brat, both of you traitors!!!!!’ (ノTДT)ノ ┻┻

he pouts and sighs dramatically with crossed arms the entire night while watching you interact oh so sweetly with his little brother

but he can’t deny the warm feeling of fondness swarming is his chest seeing you get along so well with his family and being so genuinely happy when you’re with kids

still complains to you when he gets you alone

“i can’t believe you love my brother more than me!!! ME, YOUR SWEET LOVELY CUTIE BOYFRIEND!!!” ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

“first of all, i wouldn’t stretch it that far-” “how is that stretching-?!??!”

“i’m sorry i’m sorry, my sweet lovely cutie boyfriend, i just missed him, he’s so cute and i haven’t seen him in so long and he seems to grow so fast every time we meet” (oꆤ︵ꆤo)

NOW hyuck is real soft how can he be mad at you when you’re THIS ADORABLE AFSKSGDFSAF-

hyuck just presses a sweet smooch to your temple and mutters

“he only acts that cute with you, he’s a devil at home”

“sheesh, i wonder who he takes after” *pointed look* (￢ε￢　)

Na Jaemin

my man here will most likely compete with YOU for the CHILD’S attention

it’s like GAME OVER for him if a child rejects him ε-(≖д≖﹆)

he’s never gonna get over this betrayal from both sides

so let’s say he takes you with him when he offers to babysit a cousin or neighbour idk you get where i’m getting at

and he’s already ‘play buddies’ with him as jaemin likes to put it (,,꒪꒫꒪,,)

and you’re slightly acquitanced with him from a previous visit to jaemin’s house when you coincidentally met

so when jaemin opens the door and announces his presence LOUDLY, the little boy doesn’t waste A SECOND to waddle in the hallway and meet you both ლ(＾ω＾ლ)

and jaemin crouches to meet him midway and-

and he *swooshes* past jaemin and into your open arms while giggling

jaemin, a lonely man in the middle of a hallway: (ಥ⌣ಥ)

the entire day, your boyfriend tries to steal the kid’s attention or bribe him over with sweets or toys

now you’re wondering who the real brat is

is salty about the UTTER rejection but also can’t help but watch you both so fondly with a proud hopefully in future for real fatherly smile (*ૂ❛ัᴗ❛ั*ૂ)

“are you practicing, y/n?”

“pardon?”

“practice, are you practicing?”

“for...?” ∑（´△｀○）

“ya know” *wiggles eyebrows* “taking care of our future children”

“learn how to control your own brat at home read jisung first and THEN we can talk, jaemama”

jaemin can’t believe this low blow, how could you after everything he’s done: cooking for you, taking you on bike rides even though he was the one who wanted to, even buying pads!!! or even worse!!!!! STRAWBERRY YOGHURT!!!!!! ∑(ﾟ台ﾟlll

he’s still pouty as you all put on an animation and snuggle a blanket

but then!!!! you fall asleep with the little boy in your embrace

and jaemin!!!!! just!!! CAN’T!!! stay mad!!!!!! cause you’re both just SO absolutely irrevocably CUTE!!!!!! ♡( ૢ⁼̴̤̆ ꇴ ⁼̴̤̆ ૢ)~ෆ♡

so he just HAS TO lay a *meaningful* smooch on your forehead as he sleepily moves closer to you both, one arm wrapping loosely around you while the other caresses the child’s head, lulling the both of them to sleep his protecc instincts kicked in y’all

Zhong Chenle

he has already expressed his wish to have a family someday since he wants to live the same happiness his brother does with his own family

which i think is ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS

and we all know he’s WHIPPED for his nephew ˞♡ฅ(ᐤˊ꒳ฅˋᐤ)

but unfortunately

that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s good with children yet

let me give you a context over here

so he’s left alone for a short while with his baby nephew which shouldn’t be too bad since technically chenle is an adult at least legally okay??

and right things are all good until BABY STARTS TO CRY i’m talking about the actual baby here although chenle might cry too at this point

and chenle just PANICS when he realises that just shushing won’t work and whacking a hand over his mouth *cough* like he does to jisung *cough* isn’t an option (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

but thankfully, you’re there!!!!!!

“may i?” you ask chenle as you stretch out your arms in his direction

chenle has never passed over anything faster in his entire life џ(ºДºџ)

so when you coddle the baby in your arms and just gently bounce him a little he just settles down so cutely and most important QUIETLY as he stares up at you with curious eyes, small fingers curling up around a necklace swung around your neck or just the fabric of your shirt

chenle is all like (๑•́o•̀๑)!!

HOW DID YOU JUST DO THAT!!!!

and he watches with eyes even more curious than his nephew’s eyes as the baby slowly dozes off peacefully in your arms (꒡ ω ꒡ )zzz

it just hits him just how natural the scene looks

he approaches carefully once he’s sure his nephew fell asleep and lays a gentle hand on your head as he peers down at the cute chubby baby face

“you’re a life saver, how did you even manage to do that?” ◎ܫ◎

“you know, i have to take care of you all the time so-”

he flicks your forehead faster than you can finish that sentence

way to ruin a moment (oT-T)

but *SIKEEE* the baby fusses a little as soon as you frown and chenle immediately freaks out

he showers the spot on your forehead with kisses and his nephew settles down once again as you smile at him proudly ໒( ͡ᵔ ▾ ͡ᵔ )७

chenle rolls his eyes as if he doesn’t wish for this scene to become familiar to him sometime in the future

Park Jisung

this chick is still a baby who barely hatched

so he’s still in CONSTANT WONDER of the world ༼ つ ◕o◕ ༽つ

and in this episode of ‘jisung the explorer’ he’s discovering... ACTUAL babies

so you were on a date at the local mall when you met with a family friend of your mom’s who was struggling with her fussy baby girl in a carrier while trying to shop for some baby products

so you offer to watch over the girl until her mom finishes up (•́⌄•́๑)૭✧

but just as you’re about to attach the baby carrier to yourself, an old woman asks for directions around the shop

so you pass the baby to jisung for literally a minute to show the lady the way └(>ω<。)┐

and jisung is HIGHKEY PANICKED

he holds the baby by the underarms at arms length and obviously she doesn’t enjoy that and just starts wailing in the middle of the shop

and people just... stare (,Ծ_Ծ,)

and jisung is all like ‘IT’S NOT MINE!!!!! AND I’M NOT STEALING OR MISTREATING IT EITHER!!!!!!’

the moment you’re back in his sight, he’s THRUSTING that tiny loud bald creature in your arms it’s a child jisung ║ * ರ Ĺ̯ ರ * ║

and he expects for you to panic too but right away

the baby quietens down as you cuddle her close to your chest and coo softly in a hushed baby voice

and she plays with your shirt while you glare at your boyfriend (눈_눈)

“y/n, you sorcerer, how did you just shut it off?”

“i didn’t ‘shut it off’, she’s a baby not a tape recorder”

“oh REALLY, i couldn’t tell the difference for a moment there”

you just might consider returning jisung and keeping the baby（ ಠωಠ）

he watches in wonder as you entertain the baby for the next few minutes until her mother comes back

and he swears his heart skips a beat when he sees your smile widen with tenderness once you get a small giggle out of the baby (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*)

he supposes maybe she isn’t so bad since she makes you so happy

even though she was louder than even chenle which is an accomplishment at this point

and when jisung notices your slight pout once you gave the baby back and parted ways he makes sure to shower your face in kisses until you regain the same smile that made him fall so deep in love with you

[teresa-moyocoyotzin]

short recap of my thoughts on 5x09

okay so i was gonna rewatch the whole episode and do a blow-by-blow reaction post but i’m not sure i’ll have time and i kinda wanna focus on watching my fave scenes from the show before tonight. also, everyone else’s reaction posts p. much sum up my thoughts lol 

nonetheless, i just wanted to give my main takeaways on the episode a week later, in case anyone cares where i’m at going into the finale! gonna go over the things i liked first, anyone who wants to just remain positive and not see any salty takes might wanna just stick to reading the first part b/c i definitely rant a bit at the end lmao. we’re still having a fun time tho 😂

THINGS I LOVED

- i mean... i think we know LOL

- obviously. i loved james and teresa’s i love you scenes, and kisses, and OOF THAT SEX SCENE. if someone had told me we were gonna get that scene back in like 2017??? i probably would have started literally floating. i totally respect that people had very specific ideas of what they wanted out of those scenes and could have different feelings about it but NOT ME BABES I AM ECSTATIC!!! i did go into the episode with a ~feeling~ that we were gonna get at least one ILY in the episode, and i just had a feeling it would be james, or at least that he would say it first. i’ve already explained in my meta about the scenes why i think it makes sense that he said it first and why i love it that he did, so i won’t go into that here. but i went in having really no expectations for it other than that it was gonna happen! i was debating about whether it would happen really casually while they’re talking, or in like a big action scene, or really dramatic or what, and what i would prefer, and i came to the conclusion that i would love it no matter what lol, but i was really into the idea of james just. fucking. saying it. while they’re just talking about something really casually. so therefore i was pretty happy with it when we got sort of a mix! they’re talking about teresa’s insane death trap of a plan so there’s that drama of “i don’t want to lose you esp. not before saying ILY” kinda thing, but it’s also just. so simple and sure! and then teresa’s i love you is like the perfect scene for me where one character is super focused on something else (in this case, trying to protect the woman he loves! agh!) and the other is just like.. i love you!!!! SO GOOD

- let’s see, what the hell else happened in this ep?

- oh okay i really liked james and teresa’s vibes this episode, they were so focused on each other and had this very ride-or-die feeling about them like they knew that each of their plans was increasingly stupid and desperate and might not even get them where they wanna go, but they were IN IT TOGETHER no matter what 😭i wish we had gotten a callback to that line but at this point, i’m p. sure they Know they’re in it together, and we do too. so it’s okay. i love that teresa still asks his input and considers his opinions even if she does her own thing anyways haha 

- oh on that note, i LOVED the moment where their plans to kill Kostya aren’t working and Teresa says something like “If I can meet with him in person, I can kill him myself” and James just has this LOOK that just is the epitome of the “I am in love with a women who is DESIGNED TO STRESS ME OUT” meme lol, it made me giggle, v classic QOTS moment 

- oh and of course, I LOVED that scene with devon and james at the end!!!!!!!! i was also confused about how james was showing all his emotions in that scene esp. since he tries to be stoic about his feelings for Teresa around Devon, but now that i’ve read a few people’s thoughts about, it i’m fully on board w the theory that james and teresa already knew this was coming, b/c they’re smart, and b/c james knows devon wouldn’t have let him walk away to save Teresa at the beginning of the season without motivation (like having him in place to kill her when she’s no longer useful to the CIA) and THEREFORE james was sort of “overacting” to make it believable to devon (and the audience lol) that he didn’t know this was coming, didn’t want to do it, but felt like he had to, rather than the fact that they were already plotting a fake death. that makes a lot of sense to me and makes me really love all the layers to that scene. it does give me a little bit of hope that the finale ~teresa’s not really dead~ reveal will be at least a little well executed and not just shoved in at the very end. we shall see though! 

- alright i think that’s what i loved about the episode, if u don’t wanna hear me bitching about the little things then u should probably stop here!! just have to get out some of my saltiness lol 

THINGS I WAS ANNOYED ABOUT

- i’m just gonna get it out of the way, yes, i too was supremely annoyed at the amount of KA and Pote take suburbia; it was all 1000% predictable down to the raccoon and the cookies, and the point could have been accomplished in exactly 1 scene, maybe 2, certainly not like 10 or however many we got. whatever. ugh. 

- okay. OKAY. chicho. we need to talk about chicho. i for one, am not mad that he called pote, my boy was stressed. I AM HOWEVER, mad at the writers for making pote come back after saying he trusted chicho to take care of teresa now. like. it totally devalued THE WHOLE THING!! imo, pote shoulda stayed his ass at home where we had to watch him settle all episode, and chicho should have gotten THE HERO MOMENT HE DESERVED (esp. cuz he’s on first name basis w teresa now??) which ALSO WOULD HAVE MADE THE SCENE WHERE TERESA GIVES CHICHO THE DISTILLERY AND THE BAR SO! MUCH! MORE! MEANINGFUL!!!!! or just made it make sense at all? like .... i’m just so confused by that whole plotline like what was the point? chicho does nothing but call pote and gets T’s whole legacy in NOLA? 

- and don’t even get me started on how it makes ZERO sense that pote would have had to charge in at the last minute to save teresa when JAMES THE SNIPER W AMAZING AIM WHO IS LITERALLY. IN LOVE WITH HER. is standing outside like. ur telling me james and chicho (who again, is supposed to be her #2 after james now) just stood there like “oh hey pote yeah you go ahead we’ll wait here good luck” like WHAT also.. how did pote get past all the guards that made james stay outside? are we meant to believe pote is that sneaky? y’all. it just. doesn’t make sense. this whole plot situation maddens me more than anythings tbh UGH JUST MAKE IT MAKE SENSE 

- oksana’s daughter..... what’s her name again? idk b/c we only MET HER THIS WEEK....okay this amuses me but i’m also annoyed b/c like. there were so many other women who could have taken that spot in the opening sequence... Lil T, Castel, hell even Isabela??? Like idk how they could have done it but they put so much effort into her plot in the first seasons that i really thought she was gonna end up w/ Teresa in the end.. idk that would have been kind cool, Camila’s two “daughters” eventually working their way out of the life together..again idk how they could have realistically done it but i really do wish it had been someone we met before. if it had to be someone new this season, they could have introduced her earlier instead of one of the seemingly dozens of random guys we knew for 1 episode before they died... like.. give her some depth please. is she even gonna be in the finale? honestly she better be after making us listen to pote welcome her into the family... like the family u were supposed to leave so u could have an actual baby pote? the family that’s literally dispersing as we speak? also.. since when did pote love oksana so much anyways? also...... just.. if teresa’s gonna have some sort of daughter figure or whatever she’s supposed to be, wouldn’t it make sense to have her be the one to give the big welcome to the family speech? idk y’all..... i’m amused but also baffled at the sheer lack of planning behind this. did no one realize they needed someone for the opening scene until like. halfway thru the season? did they plan to have it be castel but they couldn’t get her for filming (hence all the weird castel plots?) INQUIRING MINDS WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. it’s whatever tho lol 

- i just hope that what’s-her-name gets a lil bit of plot in the finale esp. since otherwise it might just be pote running around being pissy (i don’t actually think that haha but i am a lil nervous that teresa won’t come back until the last few mins and i’ll have to spend all episode looking at boaz and devon and pote and KA.. i haven’t looked at any spoilers tho so i’m still hopeful! i will probably make a post about my hopes going into the finale a lil later, both realistic and unrealistic :) 

[cotccotc]

┈┈ 𝐬𝐤𝐳 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬/𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 *:･ﾟ

✩ ot8 reaction headcannon, 2.5k words (eek sorry)

✩ genre/s: **fluff**, humor, established relationship, ot8 x gender neutral!reader

✩ warning/s: MOBILE TUMBLR HATES ME (some gifs & author’s note might not appear),,,, my terrible sense of humor/commentary, a couple of them are suggestive if you  s q u i n t

✩ a/n: idk if the concept makes any sense but it does in my mind \_( ‘-’ )_/ also seungmin’s part is the exact same kinda similar to a brief scenario in my txt soobin “brightest blue” fic... but it’s fineee. also i’m sorry that some are longer than others! enjoy :))

chan:

chan is definitely extremely interested in the music you listen to.

in fact, sometimes he’d probably insist that you show him your current playlist from start to finish lol.

i can imagine y’all hanging out at the dorms, maybe even mid-cuddle, listening to some of your recent favorites.

but there’s this ONE SONG--

your absolute JAM

you get up from your seat or the bed and start completely jamming out.

he stays where he is so he can watch you have the time of your life.

i guess nobody told him you’re a professional lip syncer… awk...

you grab a hairbrush and hold it up like it’s a microphone.

honestly you’re thriving,,

he’s kinda stunned. not in a bad way, but he’s just so mezmorized by how cute (and maybe a lil sexy) you are when you dance like no one’s watching.

there’s a particularly awesome beat drop toward the end of the song, which leads you to do some equally awesome head banging.

he’s cackling at this point, which drives you to act even sillier.

*ending pose*

once the song ends and you’re trying to catch your breath, he slowly starts clapping for you.

“the song was great, but the performance was even better,” he’d say, coming off a bit sarcastic. but he means well!

you start to get a bit self-conscious and shy as you put yourself together again.

he’ll try to comfort you, standing up to wrap you in a hug.

“don’t be embarrassed!” (cue soft chan),

“baby that was awesome”,

“you should join a rock band!”, etc.

overall, he’d love it when you share your music taste, and this event will probably set off a chain reaction of similar jam sessions in the future.

minho:

ok so we all know minho’s a cat person, blah blah blah...

but what if you got super excited about a really cute dog?

let’s say you’re on a walk at a park, holding hands, and talking.

all of a sudden you see someone walking their dog…

and when i tell you this is the cutest, tiniest dog on the face of the earth,,,

you immediately stop walking and squeeze minho’s hand. you point to the dog and start freaking out because it’s so cute.

he’d say something silly like, “what are you talking about? it looks like a rat.”

you disregard it because you’re just so excited about this puppy!

“can we pet it?” you ask.

“... fine” he replies, smiling at you, despite his attempts to act uninterested.

y’all go over to the woman walking her dog and ask if you can pet the puppy. when she says you can pet him, you immediately sit on the ground, ready to have the best puppy playdate of your life.

minho’s still standing, watching you with loving eyes.

of course, you start talking to the puppy as if he’s a baby. minho laughs, trying to stifle all the uwus emanating from his heart

the puppy climbs onto your lap and licks your face just a little bit.

you look up at minho with wide eyes, saying “awww, isn’t he so cute!”

he’d playfully roll his eyes because why would he cheat on cats like that…

then you tug on his hand, motioning for him to sit with you. he does, reluctantly.

you place the puppy on his lap to see what happens.

the dog loves him! (of course, because what living thing wouldn’t love lee minho?)

the puppy is licking minho all over as he makes faces of disgust and struggles to pull him away.

you laugh out loud, happier than ever at the two very good boys in front of you.

he smiles again, completely endeared with your excitement despite being covered in puppy spit...

so, it doesn’t matter what kinds of animals you two prefer, since you’re the cutest thing he’s ever seen. (aww)

changbin:

i feel like changbin is the type to not be ashamed of/shy about showing you the songs he’s writing.

...except for right now.

he just got home from the studio, dropping his bag onto a table… but some papers fall out.

you attempt to grab the papers, but changbin stops you and grabs them himself instead with a subtle hint of nervousness.

pretty suspicious if you ask me.

“what’s up?” you ask, a bit confused about what just happened.

he’d try to play it off like nothing suspicious was going on, but you know his poker face.

it’s too cute not to notice.

he likes to play all tough but you (and everyone else tbh) know him better than that.

you go to grab the papers, but he steps away. you try again… and again, and again, and again.

you become increasingly more frustrated and impatient with each attempt, until changbin holds them up high in the air where you can’t reach them. he has a look on his face that says ‘haha! gotcha!’

you’ve never done this much jumping in your life.

but you’re not a quitter.

“okay… i give up,” you say, returning to a stationary position and placing your arms around his neck.

however, just as he lowers his hands to your waist, you snatch the papers!

“AHA!” you exclaim.

all he can say is “damn it!” as you scramble to the couch with the papers in your hand. you sit facing away from him, attempting to speed-read the lyrics sprawled across the pages.

he follows you to the couch, trying to take the papers back from behind.

“binnie, these are so good!!”

“thanks… but were they worth betraying your innocent boyfriend?”

“yes. every word.” you finally hand him back the papers with a smirk.

he’d curse under his breath, ditching the papers in favor of tickling you instead.

what a terrible punishment!

hyunjin:

we all know hyunjin is a drama queen,,

you can be a bit of a dramatic person yourself (who isn’t?).

so when you lose your favorite sweater, you’re immediately going on a wild goose chase around the dorms, because that’s where you had it last.

you’re practically talking to yourself. double checking everywhere you’d been. retracing your steps like a mad person.

you need this sweater!!

you let out a little “urgh!” as you begin getting frustrated.

hyunjin would ask what’s wrong, and when you tell him, he’d GASP.

he’d be like:

“have you checked under the bed?”

“the couch?”

“what about over here?”

“over there?”

this boy will not REST until the sweater is back in your possession, wasting no time in matching your level of concern/dramatics...

… if not exceeding it.

y’all have practically torn the whole room apart at this point.

until finally, you find it in a random drawer (of course smh)

“I FOUND IT!” you’d exclaim, flopping onto the bed and putting the sweater on,

to which you’d receive a “YAY!” in return

tired and leaning against a wall, he’d say something like, “thank GOD! now, why do you need it so bad?”

and you’d simply and softly respond, “... i got chilly~”

he wouldn’t give a verbal response, but his face would go from relaxed to ‘bruh’.

you knew he’d be shocked at your statement, but you choose to tease him instead with a smile.

he would then opt to tackle you in the bed, fumbling with the covers and vowing to make you as warm as humanly possible.

jisung:

jisung definitely loves showing you the music he’s been working on, just like changbin.

except… this time, the lyrics aren’t necessarily what you’re used to hearing.

you can tell jisung’s a bit nervous as he presses play, choosing to keep his eyes on the floor as he nods his head to the rap.

you’re listening intently, as curious and excited as you are every other time…

but then you realize that it’s about you……

the lyrics talk about letting someone into his life and his longing to be even closer to that person than he is now.

therefore,,,,   u w u

you giggle, which prompts him to look up at you almost immediately with anticipation about your reaction.

you decide to wait until the end of the song to react, but you can already feel the excitement bubbling up inside of you.

the song ends, and you’re sitting in silence alongside jisung. “so… what did you think?”

“well… i think…” you trail off, looking into jisung’s eyes.

with a bit of a squeal you leap up from your seat and essentially attack him.

you straddle his legs (don’t get any *ideas* this is FLUFF for goodness sake) and wrap your arms around his neck, locking him into a big hug.

“i love it, baby. so, so, so, much,” you respond quickly and genuinely.

he laughs, his arms wrapping around you.

he’d probably remark, “you scared me for a second!”

you laugh in response, apologizing for your delayed reaction.

deep down, he’d feel so relieved that you liked the song and its sentiment.

he’d also be so happy to have you, his overexcited sweetheart, in his arms.

however, at the surface, he’d prefer to tease you. “next time, don’t make me wait so long!”

felix:

ok so y’all send memes and tik toks back and forth all day every day. it’s just protocal.

also,,, you could literally be in the same room, and he’d still just start sending you tik toks he’d saved just to send to you and see your reaction.

but there’s this   o n e

you can’t quite explain why but when you watch the tik tok that your boyfriend sent you from across the couch, you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed before.

whatever humor you may have, this tik tok completely encompasses it in a beautiful, stupid way.

before you know it, you begin cackling.

felix knows that you’ve always been a bit embarrassed of your laugh (who isn’t, right?), so when you start letting loose he’s a bit caught off guard.

still, he joins in (at a smaller scale, of couse).

he always wants to see you happy, but this is a whole new level of cuteness in his eyes.

your laughter subsides a bit...

until you decide to watch the tik tok again.

believe it or not, it’s even funnier the second time!

you double over, laughing so hard that no sound is even coming out of your mouth.

“are you okay?!” he’d ask, laughing harder now at your actions.

he’d put his arms around you so he could hold you up.

you’d mouth out a “no” in response.

there are practically tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

he’d continue looking down at you with a beaming smile, holding you up until your laughter comes to a full stop.

“was it really that funny? i can’t even make you laugh like this.”

you’re almost dazed, your stomach hurting (in the best way possible). you try to steady your breathing.

after a few seconds of recovery, he’d whisper in your ear with a deep, silly voice...

“...wanna watch it again?”

it’s safe to say you won’t fully recover for a while.

seungmin:

on days off, you watch dramas with seungmin to take both of your minds off of work/school/whatever’s been keeping you busy.

however… of course you can’t go a whole episode without laughing hysterically, and it’s all because of seungmin.

it could be the most dramatic, intense, or heartbreaking scene in the show but he would make it into a full blown impersonation comedy routine.

ESPECIALLY if the drama is in a foreign language.

this boy will reinact all of the subs in the stupidest way possible.

but, today he’s a bit exhausted, snuggling up against you and not saying much.

our boys work too hard :((   (but wbk)

...so you decide to take his place.

you start off kind of hesitantly, waiting to see if he’d even react. when the main characters start to have an argument, you begin reading the subtitles in a silly voice.

you hear a soft giggle from your boyfriend has be tightens his arm’s grip around your waist.

you begin to use different voices for each of the two characters, alternating between a nasly, high pitched one and a lower one with voice cracks. this makes seungmin laugh harder, going from a giggle to his usual open-mouthed chuckle.

he’s so cute >_< ,,anyways…

as the scene intensifies, so does the volume of your impersonations.

“yOu’Ve bEtRaYeD mE!”

“BuT yOu LiEd tO mE!”

at this point seungmin is cackling despite his heavy eyes and unwillingness to move. he’d be so caught up in your routine that he’d forget he was even tired.

you look up at him to see that big smile and those sparkly eyes you love so much, which motivates you to be even goofier!

you sit up, leaving seungmin’s grasp. you begin making hand gestures to match your overdramatic tone.

the scene comes to a climax, in which you recite the final line with more ferver and fake passion than ever before. you finish it off with a fist in the air for ~emphasis~.

as you hold this pose, you hear your loyal audience member begin to cheer for you. he claps, whisper-shouting “ahh” to create fake crowd noises.

“what a show!” he would commend you with an expression of sarcastic awe on his face.

you’re really glad you decided to cheer him up…

but not nearly as glad as he is to have you with him on a day like this.

jeongin:

jeongin’s smile could literally melt anyone’s heart. everybody knows this.

i don’t care who you are, if you see jeongin smile, you either smile or cry and there are no other options.

i don’t make the rules.

so, when he shows you the ‘lovestay’ version of his latest dance practice, you’re bound to go insane with adoration.

as soon as his solo comes up and the camera zooms in on his sweet, smiling face, you give his cheek a little poke

you say, “that’s you!”

“shut up,” he’d respond, giggling.

“wait, i missed something,” you say with a sense of urgency. you take the phone from his hands, rewinding a few seconds.

he’d roll his eyes at you, getting a bit shy.

you resume the video until the boy in the video holds up a finger heart, at which point you press pause.

“look how cute!” you exclaim, looking up at jeongin and pointing back and forth between him and the screen.

“stop it!” he’s blushing (and you’re screaming internally at how cute he is) as he tries to refrain from making a big smile.

you poke his side, resulting in a small fit of laughter that forces his bright grin to peek out.

he swats your hand away, putting his arm around you

(partly to show his affection and partly to make you hold still)

you place your head onto his shoulder, resuming the video for the final time. “you’re too cute. i can’t help it.”

“but you’re the cutest...” he murmurs, almost inaudibly to someone who isn’t as close to him as you are now.

heat rises in your face.

you: “...stop…”

him: “hah!”

touché...

©️ cotccotc 2020 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[moonyblackwerewolf]

The Letter Ch. 3 - Sirius Black

Betrothed Ch. 3

Sirius Black x fem!Reader

Word count: 3.2k

Summary: Sirius and Y/N meet at a family dinner and have some fun, later she finds out she is betrothed to some pureblood boy so Sirius comes up with a mental idea to save them both.

Warnings: Kissing, hints of sex, 'aggressive' parents, underage drinking, idk my writing and English? lol

a/n: I don't really know how i feel about this, so i hope you guys like it. Feedback is always welcome too :)

Xxxx

Ch.1 Ch.2 Ch. 2.5 Ch.3 Ch.4 Ch. 5 

The exams were now over, Y/N and Lily were at the Great Hall eating breakfast, the smell of bacon and fruits invading their noses, they could enjoy the morning Saturday sun and the pancakes without worrying about the exams.

“What did you think about the Potions test? I can’t stop thinking about that last question I think got it wrong” Lily mumbled while picking up an apple.

“Oh Lils, you are so cute” Y/N laughed at her friend’s worries. “I can’t remember, but we can go to library today and check, but I’m sure you got it right, Slughorn has his reasons for inventing you for his little club” Y/N/N pointed out and Lily nodded, while looking at her sister who was staring suspiciously at her “At least you got in for pure talent, not because he wanted to suck up to your father” she chuckled, trying to avoid her sister’s gaze.

“That’s a lie, you’re one of the best Potions student Y/N/N i’m sure you-” Lily was cut off by Diana standing by her sister’s side.

“Got your mail yet Y/N/N? I’m so delighted for you, when Mother and Father told me I started planning the party already, Slytherin common room Sunday 8 p.m, also if you need help getting your hair done you can ask me.” Y/N was scared, her sister was never this nice to her, something was going on.

“Why Sunday?” But she was interrupted.

As if Diana knew when the letter would arrive, an Elegant snowy owl showed up carrying a letter from her parents. “What’s that” she was now genuinely scared as she saw Lucius looking at her from the Slytherin table. Lily who has calmed her down on several sleepless nights after the Malfoy incident looked between the two girl worried, connecting the dots about the letter’s content, as her friend read the letter and stormed out of the Hall. Lily tried to follow her but she just vanished. She looked for Y/N everywhere but she seemed to be nowhere to be found, she was feeling scared and even desperate, what could’ve made Y/N so upset, her family of course, but what did they do?

Y/N was in the only place in the castle Lily didn’t look for, the Hufflepuff common room, her friend Amos Diggory, a handsome boy, who would was loyal and would do anything for his friends, let her in and stay in his room, since it was Saturday and everyone was outside. She laid in his bed, heart racing threatening to jump off her chest, she felt sick and completely and utterly alone and unloved, she felt stuck in a life she never asked for and an inevitable future, this feeling of despair was too much for her to hold, like she would always do. Y/N buried her faced in Amos’ pillow and cries the life out of her, she couldn’t believe and in the same time she always knew this would happen, but it didn’t make it all less painful.

“Hi” Amos knocked on the room’s door delicately earning a jump from the girl. “I’m sorry, but you seem like someone who desperately needs a friend” he said with a sympathetic smile.

She smiled warmly at the boy and let him sit by her side, he offered her his shoulder to cry on, soothing the girl, even though he didn’t know why she was so sad. Eventually she told him everything and he was as disgusted as she was, his heart ached for his friend, he couldn’t imagine what was like to have her parents and go through what she was. He could only help.

“You should go tell your friends, they never leave your side, they’ll probably want to know about this, you should trust them Y/N/N” he suggested with a reassuring smile, wrapping her in a hug. Y/N loved that on Amos, he was so sweet and helpful and never asked for anything in return, he was a true Hufflepuff, she always teased him.

“But I don’t want them to worry, it’s not really easy for me to trust people and it’s nothing really, I don’t want to be dramatic” she sighed looking troubled.

“Y/N/N, i can assure you, you’re not being dramatic” he paused looking at her with a concerned smile “You have all the right to be upset, i’d be too in your situation, i’d demand justice for me and the other person too, it’s not fair, but you should tell your friends, they must be really worried”

“You’re right badger, thank you for letting me stay here, if you ever need something you know where to find me” she mumbled quietly still trying to hold her tears desperately.

It was nighttime by the time she was heading to the Gryffindor tower. The marauders were at the empty Gryffindor common room, they had just finished packing and were siting by the fireplace talking, Lily looking worried whispering to herself places she might’ve forgotten to search, when y/n entered the room the girl stood up fast and wrapped her in the tightest hug she could give only letting her friend go after her arms became sore, y/n mumbled a thank you hugging Lily again and then gave Sirius a kiss on the cheek and laid on his chest, she was looking completely broken, that made the boys get concerned too. 

“Hey guys” she said with voice of someone who has been crying. Sirius started caressing her hair, the group was now completely quiet until.

“Y/n-” Remus Lupin said softly “What’s wrong? Have you been crying?” His question made everyone look at her and she shifted in her Sirius lap a bit, his hands still caressing her hair patiently waiting for her answer, Lily was sitting next to them in the sofa, she grabbed her friend’s hand reassuringly.

“I got this letter from my parents today- at breakfast” she said, her voice completely numb she sounded like someone who had abandoned all hope. She then took  a letter with a fancy wax seal with an “W” from her coat, she couldn’t say it so she handed it to Sirius. The seal was already broken from when she read it earlier and the parchment had stains that suggested crying, he started reading the letter, Lily peaking too, while the other boys were curious and he’s blood was boiling with anger.

He stood up abruptly and screamed “No way they're making you do this- Over my dead body, Y/n”. Sirius’ reaction startled the boys, but he was so angry he didn’t even notice James taking the letter and reading it aloud.

Dear Y/n,

Your father and i are delighted to inform you that after a few meetings with family friends, we have decided, together with the Malfoys, that you and their son, Lucius, are now engaged and the marriage will happen soon after your graduation.

Lucius has already talked with his parents and he is more than happy for taking your hand in matrimony if you accept him, in our meeting with Abraxas Malfoy this evening, he has told us how Lucius cares about and wants to protect you. Therefore we were shocked to hear that you’ve been spending many nights in the Gryffindor tower and been ignoring your fellow housemates including Lucius.

In light of theses events we’ve decided that you will be spending Christmas break in the Malfoy manor, so you and Lucius can seal each other’s promise contract and get used to each other and future married life.

Now Y/n, you are going to listen very carefully what i’m going to tell you, young lady, you are going to behave AND accept this proposal, the Malfoys are a very respectful pureblood family, they were extremely delighted to know about your interest in their son. The Watson name carries weight in our world, I don’t want you doing anything that could compromise that. Now you are going to sleep every night of the rest of your years at Hogwarts in the Slytherin dorms, we already talked with Lucius and he is going to stay with you the whole night if necessary.

With Love,

Charles Edward Watson and Louise Helena Watson

“Holy shit y/n/n” James gasped “I’m so sorry, I can’t believe your parents would do that” he paused pondering if he should joke or not, and figured it could help “but is that their way of making you shag Malfoy?, Godric they’ don’t even try to be subtle” y/n chuckled humourlessly.

“Really? because I do, that’s what all these crazy purists families do, they breed their children, they don’t care about love or anything of the sort, I can’t believe how much time I spent putting up with their shit, pretending to agree with them” she hissed starting to sound more angry, she couldn’t believe it herself she just couldn't admit.

“Y/n we won’t let that happen” Remus reassured her grabbing other her hand “we’ll do anything to help you” all the boys and Lily agreed, except for Sirius that was on a weird kind of angry trance. Lily jumped from her seat and hugged her best friend with all the love she could give again.

She was happy to see her friends helping her, she didn’t feel as alone as she felt this morning, but still, reality was rough, she’d have to marry that prick Lucius Malfoy that she and the Marauders hated so much, he was a real blood purist just like their parents and that made her feel suffocated.

Suddenly Sirius burst out of his trance and went to his dorm, which scared the remaining group on the common room, making Y/n follow him. The common room went silent. After she left they sighed “I can’t believe she’s having to go through that, she doesn’t deserve it, this year she’s been nothing but a good friend, she even helped you study Moony and she became your best friend Lily, we all know you talk about us when you’re alone” James sighed “I wish we could do something for her”.

“Yes, we sure do Potter” Lily shrugged a bit absentmindedly, wondering what was happening in the other room.

“Siri, what’s going on with you?” She asked a bit startled by his sudden weirdness, while standing in the threshold. He was searching for something frenetically in his trunk. “What are you searching for Sirius?” 

“Y/n/n- Y/n” he turned to her seriously “there’s no way i’m letting you marry Malfoy” he stared so deep into her eyes that she felt a shiver run down her spine. 

“Thanks you Sirius, I love you for that, but there's nothing me or you can do to help, believe me i’ve been trying to find a way out since i read that letter, but there isn’t” she sighed her voice cracking “All I can do is enjoy the little time i’ve left before i’m Mrs. Malfoy” she ran her hand in her face and looked at Sirius “But I appreciate your efforts” Sirius made his way to where she was and caressed her cheeks looking at her with a determination Y/n couldn’t understand.

“I’m going to do everything i can to help you- even if I’ll have ask my monster of a mother for help” he revealed.

“What?” She gasped, surprised and confused at his revelation to say the least.

“I hate to say it out loud but- I’m still a Black, from the Noble house of Black” He paused and Y/n began to catch up with his plan, still a little shocked “I bet it’ll be easy to convince my mom, if i Sirius Black, her hopeless case of a son, tell her he wants to marry Elena Watson the daughter of the Royal house of Watson, she would finally be at least pleased with me” 

“WHAT?! No way Sirius, no- no! absolutely not” she almost choked on her words, shock written all over her face. “I’m not letting you ruin your life for me! No way! Do you even know what you’d be doing? You’d be committing yourself for the rest of your life and you know your parents AND mine wouldn’t let us divorce till the day they die at least! There is no going back and they certainly won’t let us escape, never” She was not going to let him ruin his life too.

“I know that perfectly well, but would it be that bad? we’re best friends and it’s not like we never slept together before” Y/n was in shock, left without words, Sirius Black wanting to commit with someone, he truly was a good friend but she looked at him with a gaze that said ‘no’ “Y/n… if you don’t accept this, then i’ll help you escape” he grabbed her hand and held it tightly in his chest, for a moment he wondered what about it made him feel so angry, angrier than the other boys, he felt this urge to protect her so much it almost hurt “I- just- i can’t stand seeing you suffering from this and being forced to sleep in the same bed as Malfoy- it makes me so angry, i want to protect you- I promised I would protect you, you’ve became one of my best friends this year I can’t let you go through this” he was looking at her with desperate eyes, almost imploring her to let him help her, it made Y/n’s heart jump from her chest.

“I don’t know what to do Sirius” her eyes were filling up with tears again, she was trying hard not to cry, as a wave of courage hit her and made her stop, she needed to grow up. “But I can’t escape my home, my parents would find me and probably-” she paused reconsidering if telling Sirius about her parents’ ways of parenting was a good idea, remembering Amos’ words, but even though she decided against it, she didn’t want him to worry more then he already was “I’m going to be okay, everything’s going to be fine. I’m going home and i’ll tell my parents that i won’t oblige, that I won’t be a pawn on their sick game of blood purity” she finished, more determined than she had been during the day, knowing that it’d be a foolish mistake, but it was confrontation or marriage.

“Are you sure Y/n? You want me to go with you?” He asked concerned, not feeling confident in her idea, it seemed dangerous and reckless, normally he’d love a little danger, but the fact that she could get hurt made him opposed to it.

“Yes, you don’t need to come with me, I think its better if I go alone, my parents can get- irritated. I’ll send you letters and i’ll keep you updated i promise” with that she kissed his cheek.

“Y/n/n are you really sure? I don’t think it’s- I don’t know your parents but I know mine and they wouldn’t react really well if I confronted them that way” Y/n knew what Sirius meant, but she had to try, so she whispered a yes burying her head in his neck as he wrapped her in a tight hug.

They both returned to the common room, updating their friends about what had happened and then they tried to have a pleasant last day at Hogwarts, the boys reassured Y/n even more and promised they’d be there for her if she ever needs them. The rest of the day they tried to forget all of their problems and talked, James kept trying to invite Lily out and she kept saying no while everyone laughed at the boy, Y/n laid in Sirius’s chest enjoying this little interactions while she still could. Sirius’ plan never left the back of his mind, he wasn’t sure if she’d be able to convince the Watsons, they didn’t strike him as understanding people. Little did he know how right he was.

The next day went by fast, everyone finished packing and met at the train station. The group left the Hogwarts Express and entered platform 9 3/4 everyone said their goodbyes, hugging and wishing Y/n worried good lucks, then heading to their respective families.

“I wish you could meet my family, Y/n/n, expect my sister, she’d be mean to you” Lily pouted as Y/n hugged her tightly for the last time in two weeks. “I’m gonna write you ok? with the names we planned” the both best friends chuckled, they had created nicknames so Y/n’s parents wouldn’t suspect about Lily.

“Oh Lils thank you, I’m gonna miss you so much, wish you could visit me” Y/n whispered sadly leaving Lily’s embrace after she said she would miss her too, heading to Sirius.

“Hey beautiful” Sirius murmured while wrapping her in a hug and lifting her making her laugh. “Wanna meet mommy and daddy Black, they’ll love you?” 

“Of course” she chuckled in his lap, being so close to him made her heart jump faster, she didn’t want to let go, never “And of course they will, how could they not like me” she joked.

Sirius put her in the ground slowly, heart jumping too, grabbed her wrist and the two of them walked to where his parents and brother were waiting, he hated his parents but he wanted an excuse to spend more time with her. “Mother, Father, this is Y/n Watson” he mocked his parents, who were clearly shocked their son had perhaps grown some sense into his head.

“Miss Watson, what a pleasure to see you again, darling, how are your parents doing?” Mr. and Mrs. Black asked politely. Walburga was a tall raven haired woman with an elegant appearance and stern face, she was quite scary, Mr. Black looked just like his wife but older and more serious.

“Suck ups” Sirius whispered in her ears making her giggle, she could feel his breath against her ear and it made her shiver.

“They’re alright, thank you Mr. Black, how are you?” Y/n asked, looking so much like her mother that it scared Sirius, he had to hide his laugh.

Before Mr. Black answered, Mr. and Mrs. Watson showed up, with angry faces. Mrs. Watson grabbed Y/n’s wrist strongly making her wince, pushing her to their side.

“Walburga, Orion, what a pleasure to see you” Mr. Watson offered his hand to the couple, softening his face a little, Mrs. Watson smiled, while whispering.

“Y/n, where is Lucius? Haven’t you been seeing him? You should be here with him young lady” her mother hissed at her, angry with the lack of effort from her daughter to make the marriage happen.

Sirius looked at Y/n’s wrist and suspected, he felt angry at Mrs. Watson, something was wrong, but he couldn’t do anything in front of their parents, so he just looked reassuringly at her.

“Pleasure to see you too Charles, we hope to see you and Louise at the Rosiers later this week” Mrs. Black politely suggested.

“Of course” with that the Watsons said goodbye and the both families headed their separate ways, breaking Sirius’ and Y/n’s grasp on each other.

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

Band of Brothers Greetings, Part 2

Cute/charming things thay say when they walk into a room and see you/you walk into a room and they see you

Speirs:

Ok, first off- the moment he walks into a room, any room, he scans to see if you’re there, and if you are what you’re doing. 

He’s always done it, but since things between the two of you have gotten a bit steamy you find yourself catching him doing it ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME.

Like Ronald, you’re vv handsome and smoldery but YOU AREN’T SUBTLE IN THE SLIGHTEST.

Boi’s head is literally on a swivel until he finds you, straight up ignoring the person trying to talk to him until he sees that you’re there before impatiently returning his attention to whatever NIxon is saying (you know, BC OH YEAH not only are we at work but our work is war whoopsies could you repeat that, Nix i was lost in my handsome deathwish prince’s eyes?)

He’s always careful to read your body language to see how you're feeling, and based on that and the context of where y’all are he decides how (and if) to approach you.

His own feelings overwhelm him so it’s easier for him to focus on how you’re feeling

(Weirdly enough, you can read his feelings better than he can read his feelings sometimes.)

You weirdos end up staring at each other for way too long, entire conversations flowing between you two with little more than a lift of an eyebrow and a tilt of the head.

Bill and Babe had a game where they would see who between them could hold their breath through more of yours and Speirs’s weird hive mind-meld, the loser getting two freebies from the other’s rations.

Soon, more people joined in, and one day Speirs walked in while Peacock and LIpton were discussing the formation they wanted the camp set up in and half of the guys simultaneously took a deep breath through their noses to get a lungful of air 

When Lipton looked back out to the group of listening soldiers, he was disturbed to see several of his friends red or blue faced and looking between you and Speirs and each other like a tennis match

One look from Speirs put a stop to that game for a good month.

It only started up again because they saw Ron storm into the med bay and kiss you full on the mouth when you were alone after a soldier had punched you in that nose during Market Garden and left you horrifically blood-soaked and he’d thought you’d been shot.

Then the game turned into who could catch Ron showing human emotions towards you, with more points being given to the more softboy the action.

In an effort to keep THE BOYS™ focused during meetings, you and Ron eventually decided it’d be best to just stand by each other whenever you were in a room together, bc while you both are soft for each other you still get that you can’t be too distracted.

Well, you decided that.

If anything, Ron now has a new favorite game- seeing how long you could stay focused with his fingers running up and down your thigh while sitting together.

He may have slipped his hand beneath your waistband a few times and gotten you off during one of Nix’s intelligence briefings, whispering that you were being so good for him the entire time

and you may have retaliated once by getting him so worked up that he almost came in his pants like a teenager while surrounded by his sleeping men before giving him an overly sweet look before slipping away.

He makes you pay for it later, don’t worry :)

Martin:

MY ANGER BB

SO GLARE-Y, SO FROWN

That is...until he sees you

Then the furrow in his brow softens, and a knowing smile breaks across his face and he either comes to be by you or (a la Bull Randleman) he will raise him arm to show you that there is a you-sized space that needs filling (hurry plz it makes him feel better to touch you.)

He’s not going to show PDA when y’all’re busy- bc he’s good and what he does and you’re good at what you do but that doesn’t mean you can just not pay attention if important info is benign shared. 

If he thinks you aren’t paying enough attention he’ll let you know right away.

Or just glare at the thing distracting you until it eventually relents or someone hits his arm and tells him to stop glaring at the pretty flowers y’n’s looking at they’ll burst into flame and then she’ll be sad

BUt homeboy is not afraid to have you lean against him, or sit in his lap as you both get ready to do whatever it is you have to do.

If the lot of you are just hanging out- he’s much more relaxed, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek or temple before returning his attention to whatever he had been doing- arms wrapping around you as he catches you up on whatever you’d missed

BC HE WOULD WANT YOU TO BE INCLUDED IN EVERYTHING HE DOES (as long as it’s not too dangerous, obvi)

“But John, you’re going on the patrol—!” “Yeah, cause if you’re not going SOMEONE has to make sure these boys don’t get themselves killed. Think it’d be rude to leave them to fend for themselves...”

“But i could go-” “NO you can’t, shut up. Now listen to my plan and tell me what you think…”

He knows how good you are at your job, and it makes him want to be better at his job so he can make sure to be there for you.

I also feel like THE BOYS™ would sometimes be surprised to see Johnny “It may be a bitchface but I’m not resting” Martin being a lil soft with you, and would sometimes stare in shock at the sight of the two of you looking at each other with such open adoration and softness that they’d get a lil mesmerized.

Until either you or Johnny noticed

Then, get ready for the SNARKIEST “Can I FUCKING help you?” glare combo to ever exist ever.

This made me smile, idk

Luz:

GEOOOOOOOOOORGE Luz

My guy (much like Babe) is SO INTO YOU it can sometimes get the both of you in trouble (How either of you managed to keep from getting kicked out is a miracle). 

Luz is also a dramatic little goober, so you know he’ll do something over the top to try and make you laugh (bc, unlike him, you can actually keep it together for more than five seconds whenever you see him)

I’m talking shooting to his feet and standing on his chair and pointing in your direction the moment he sees you (especially if it’s for the first time that day/in a while), putting on a deep voice and an overly serious expression.

“Good God boys, I think we’re in the presence of a GOD. DAMN. KNOCKOUT.”

“WOOH, look at that! Somebody get Roe, cause I’m pretty sure my is about to JUMP outta my CHEST!”

(“You sure you ain’t just hopped up on caffeine and no sleep—?” “Shut UP Perconte, can’t you see I’m trying to flirt with your mother?”)

When you smile sleepily and tell him he can’t talk to your son that way he’ll perk up like a goddamn puppy dog, hop down from his chair and grab the mug of burnt coffee he’d poured for you when he’d heard you greeting Nixon that morning.

He presses the cup into your hand and his smile would soften into the one he saved for you (the one he’d given you after the two of you had snuck out past curfew at Toccoa to put a can of peaches by the door of Sobel’s bunkhouse and nearly gotten caught because you couldn’t stop giggling)

Luz is so obviously a goof but he also would be so endearingly obvious in his adoration of you.

No one would dare tease him about it. George brought so much light and (much needed) distraction from the darkness around them that THE BOYS™ would literally go to the ends of the earth to ensure that the two of you had time together. 

Don’t think about how, after being assigned a (gasp) room with a queen bed and a door(!) he would give you that smile again BUT this time there’d be a lil hint of Trouble in those bright eyes. Don’t think about him swallowing your sighs as the two of you keep each other warm between the sheets. 

But if you do think about it, know that he’s going to whisper the sweetest, kindest things to you the whole time, and yall are gonna fall asleep like teens in a CW show (~in each others armzZz~)

Guarnere:

KING of the dirty wink

Oh my god.

Put that thing away before you get silly and hurt someone

You’ve heard of undressing someone with your eyes (see Liebgott and Nixon (and Ron if he’s feeling naughty shhh)), and you’ve heard of talking someone right out of their pants.

You had never known it was possible to WINK someone into a PUDDLE of feels.

Bill had a whole language of winks and head tilts, but you could be DAMN sure that he knows EXACTLY what he can do to you.

(Because you’re in a position where you’re under a bit more scrutiny than the other men, he also knows that you can’t necessarily reciprocate your feelings as openly as he can.)

DOn’t worry, he’s more than happy to flirt publicly for the both of you

“There she is, fuckin goddess of war herself. Come to see how the toughest, most handsome sonofabitch in the 506 is doin’ this morning?”

“Yeah, Bill. Something like that.”

It’s really cute. 

When you guys are alone, you try to make up for the fact that you can’t openly admire him the same way that he admires you. But Bill won’t hear it- tells you that he’d still think the world of you, even if you called him “the most unhelpful, condescending little shit” you’d ever had the displeasure of meeting

(which you did, after two weeks of constantly being paired up for training in Georgia)

(He’d asked you to marry him the next day, and you’d laughed so loudly and unexpectedly that it startled the both of you. The only thing to shut you up was a bark from Lipton to focus on the combat training, and even then you hadn’t been able to stop your shoulders from shaking)

For all his insistence that you didn’t have to worry about him thinking you don’t share his feelings, he isn’t opposed whenever the mood to show him how much you care for him strikes you.

Take a lil initiative when the two of you are alone and he’s putty in your hands.

BC while he finds your restraint admirable, he’d be a fucking liar to say you dropping the stoicism to get a lil dirty makes him weak.

Everyone else is used to Bill being an open flirt, and they are pretty sure if you had a problem with it you’d make him stop, but that doesn’t stop them from being surprised when Bill had dipped you into an over-the-top romantic kiss when it was announced the war was over (BC LET’S PRETEND HE WAS ALL GOOD AND HEALED UP AND WAS WITH BUCK AT THE BASEBALL GAME OKAY?!).

Speirs had simply held his hand out, palm up while all the guys who’d bet against him paid up

He’d shipped it from day one, but you’ll never be able to prove it!

(YIKES A DOODLE HERE’S PART TWO! Thank you to everyone who responded and liked the first half (major shout out to @mrsalwayswrite for writing my new favorite Liebgott story!) Again, love yall, and may your personal letters never be considered contraband)

[shesawriter39049]

|Jin & Chocolate|M|

Pairing: Jin X Reader (Ft. A LIL Hoseok at the end)

About-You suck Jin off…and brownie batter may or may not be somewhat involved because why the fuck not. Oh, Hoseok comes over to drop off weed…and welll….doesn't exactly leave

Or- His assistants birthday is tomorrow and she’s insisted on him making his infamous “Dizzy Brownies” AKA…pot brownies and Jin being the perfectionist he is, scrapes the first batch. You however, think they’re fine and if he’s not gonna bake with said  batter you’ll find use for some of it…..Then Hosoek stops by to bring the missing ingredient…weed and his dick…

Warnings: Food play, Oral (M receiving), light face fucking, come swallowing, Dirty talk,hair pulling,pet names, light over stimulation, finger sucking, implied Voyeurism-ish (Jin planning to watch Hoseok fuck you on the couch ) MINOR degradation kink (He calls her a cock slut like…once)Light MXM…(just neck kisses and dirty talk but you’ve still been warned…)

No…idk why I wrote this but I’m not exactly mad about it either…

WC: 5.5k

Note: This is a stand alone one shot within my BTS Poly AU “7Deep” short summary: Your husband Namjoon and yourself run a successful Adult Film Entertainment Company called “Onyx” with your 5 best friends from college who you also happen to be in an open relationship with!

~~~~~~

“Alright, Yn to the resc-“ Everything, every.Damn. Thing, you were gonna say...straight up dies on your tongue once you take in the site in front of you. AKA Jin, standing in front of his boujee over-sized island, hair wet glasses perched on the nose. Matching silk pajamas yet the shirt’s open and the bottoms are sitting so damn low against his hips you almost thought he wasn’t even wearing any! Oh, and of course he wasn’t wearing underwear, why would he?!

Fucker.

Brow arched, in slight curiosity, a low hum ringing in the back of his throat, offensively oblivious as to why Yn.exe has stopped working. Still completely focused on the task at hand, reaching into the drawer to grab a fresh spoon to test the batter one last time. Not even offering a verbal response however the slight snarl that slipped off his lips said it all.

Jin clearly wasn’t impressed…hints why your here to begin with.

You still hadn’t moved though, leaning slightly against the back wall….Yet that doesn't stop him from making grabby hands at the grocery bags upon seeing them in your hands. Which of course prompts you to like….attempt to function again!

“I know we make porn and shit…” You pause a somewhat dramatic sigh leaving your lips as you drop the bags onto the counter and sway in his direction. “But what in the actual porn hub is this?! You got a little side hustle I need to know about? Is this for some kinky onlyfans cooking account???”

Honestly, it took Jin a minute to put two and two together, until his gaze followed yours. Ripping a loud cackle from his throat, ya know the one rivaling a windshield wipper. A slight smirk tugs on those sinfully thick lips of his as he reaches up to grip the back of your neck.

“Hi, pretty” Hushed against your lips as he pulled you into a kiss which did one of two things; confirmed there wasn’t shit wrong with these brownies and two...your still so whipped for this man it’s unreal.

Jin smiles into the kiss once he notices how you just completely melt against his lips, hands roaming up his stomach, lightly clawing over his skin which is still warm to the touch from his shower. Jin’s kisses are hard, always..even without him opening his mouth against yours he still manages to have you sucking in a deep breath through your nose to even keep up. He slips his hand into your back pocket and squeezes,his touch is light yet...possessive... you can feel Jin’s nails digging into the swell of your ass even through your jeans,

“Thank you, Instacart was like a two damn hour wait and I did not have time for that bullshit…” Forehead pressed against yours and he nuzzled your nose…”Plus, your way sexier than anybody they would have sent anyway...”  A wolfish grin playing on his lips as his thumb flicks at your bottom lip which you licked teasingly.

Jin being the little shit that he is pressed his thumb in even deeper, gaze dropping as he watches you suck the digit between your overly glossed lips. Triggering his to curl into a slight smirk as he slowly freed himself, dragging it down your bottom lip and over your chin...before he pulled away from you. Sliding his other hand free slowly, making sure his fingers trickle up your spine in the process. A stated hum ringing in the back of his chest before diving into the bag head first, or...that was the plan initially...

Until you turn away and Jin catches the way your hips sway in his peripheral and suddenly it’s like “Fuck these groceries” because well Seokjin’s a weak, weak man when it comes to you . So he gives your ass another playful squeeze stopping you from going too far.

Blunt nails dig into the swell of your ass yanking you back to place an open mouthed kiss at the hinge of your jaw. Until hes nosing up four face, kissing you open and breathless, sucking your tongue back into his mouth and fuck if your knees don’t buckle...

He chuckles light, pleased...“Love you princess”

God, he just makes you light headed every damn time...a low moan slipping from your lips before you lean back in searching for his lips again. The two of you get lost within seconds, completely immersed within each other, with his hands roaming all over your body. Yours tangled in his hair holding him in place, as you rock back into him, you can feel how hard he’s getting, how wet and needy your getting….

That is, until the self timer for the oven goes off reminding you why you're here to begin with! You pout and he smiles, placing a faint kiss along the tip of your nose before pulling away from you…

“Love you too old man…” You muse playfully while reluctantly turning away walking over to the fridge.

‘Call me old one more damn time and see if you ever get this dick again”

“Sounds like an excuse to me..” Eyes narrowing in his direction challengly “What? Can’t handle all of your baby’s anymore Jinnie? Worried you can’t get it up the way you use t-” Taking a painfully firm grip on your wrist, bringing it down to let you feel that he’s no longer starting to get hard hes rock fucking hard. Brow arched as if to say “And you were sayinggggggg???”

You nodded somewhat bashfully, I mean to be honest there was shit you could say at this point, clearing your throat “Alright well..points have been made…” Turning away before you could see the shit eating grin on his face. Only to be stopped by a strong hand on your jaw….

“And don’t ever come at me like that, I’ll be 50, and still handle all of your bratty asses with ease….just because I don’t need to be called daddy like Joon…” Leaning in even closer until he lips are ghosting over yours as he speaks “Doesn't mean I'm not very much aware as to who I am. I don’t need the title to hold the position princess….don’t get it twisted..” He holds your gaze, tilting his chin upwards as if he’s going to kiss you, eyes glued to your lips. But, in true Jin fashion the minute you lean in, he pulls away..looking far to calm and collected for your liking!

I think it’s safe to say...the entire building heard your knees buckle at that...the way you were suddenly squeezing your thighs together! Jin didn't even acknowledge it either, the fact that you were literally stuck. He just went back about his business… simply picking through groceries...

Welcoming yourself to the chilled bottle of Circo, and pouring yourself a glass before perching yourself on top of his counter. A fond smile playing on your lips as you observed him analyzing every little ingredient, as if you hadn’t done this before, as if you weren’t painfully aware of how anal he was. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes however that still didn't wipe the smile off your face.

“Baby knows what she's doing…” You muse playfully around your glass as you take a sip.

Cocking his head to the side, his smile mirroring yours, as he slides closer, leaning in for another lingering kiss. “Always has...” Stealing your glass, and instantly regretting it, clearly, he was a little too distracted to realize you weren't chasing your liquor.

“God” Shaking his head as if to say he’s disappointed “You’re a fucked up individual...” Face scrunched in pain as the vodka burns its way down his throat, a string of curses rolls off his tongue before he continues with his initial task. “You need prayer..”

“Listen, nobody asked you to-” Your phone buzzed in your purse and Jin’s followed, so he knew it had to be work-related, not even bothering to take  a look he knows you'll fill him in. Glancing down to see a calendar invite from your left and right hand aka Taehyung.

“It’s Tae, we're closing early tomorrow by the way…” Eyes slowly drifting to a string of emails that already had your blood boiling so you opted to slide your phone right back into your Chanel. “Kellie wants to go to lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, so we’re taking a late lunch'' More like you wanted to allow your staff to drink and do as they please after so you opted to just scrape the end of the day.

Jin didn't even bother to respond, honestly, he probably wasn’t even listening. All he cared about right now was fixing these damn gourmet layered pot brownies for Kellie!

Jin was not one of those buy a box of Betty Crocker type guys...he was a go find me this random-ass authentic CoCo from Mexico, along with the purest sugar cane and a damn olive tree while you’re at it! Though, no matter how anal he was about baking, or cooking in general you always loved watching him work, he’s always loved it! Even when you guys were broke he’d find a way to spice up the simplest thing and make it look gourmet quality! You’ve asked him numerous times if he’d wanna venture into the restaurant business Namjoon and yourself have even offered to act as the “Bank” so to speak. But apparently it’s just something he does for fun, something that relaxes him, not something he'd wanna do as a career no matter how much he loves it.

“I don’t even know what actually happened honestly…” A deep sigh leaves his chest as he strategically places the remaining ingredients on the counter “It’s too runny this time around and the CoCo is too potient….”You can hear the frustration within his voice at this point.

“Jin” Pausing to massage his scalp which he leans into instantly “I’m sure it’s actually more than fine, honestly your probably just be-” Before you could even finish your thought, two fingers being shoved between your lips..knuckle deep. Correction, two fingers coated in brownie batter...batter that was fucking delicious by the way…

Which we already knew but we also know we can’t tell Jin shit soooo....

Eyes completely wide initially, until the flavor coats your tongue and you actually moaned around his fingers..not even for dramatics just because it was good. Jin’s watching you intently, almost as if he really didn't intend for this to become sexual but now that it has...he ain’t mad about it.So...you relax your jaw, swirling your tongue around his fingers suggestively same way you would if it was his cock and you feel him hum, a slight twitch playing on his lips.

“I take it you don’t believe I need to remake the batch then?” Bow quicked teasingly as he slowly slides his fingers from your mouth…

“Nope” The words leave your lips with a pop as you recline back a little, bracing your weight on your forearms. You shamelessly let your eyes roam down his body, licking your lips as a oh so innocent idea slips into your mind.

‘Actually…” Swirling your finger in the batter, flicking at his bottom lip, ya know he had the nerve to smile at you before his tongue rolled out of his mouth? Curling it around the pad of your index finger, and your breath hitches in the back of your throat at how meticulously his tongue movement is. Sliding the digit deeper into his mouth, gaze hark and heavy, “I- I think I need to taste it again before I can give you an accurate review, maybe…” Sliding your finger free, trickling it down his chest and over his nipple, coaxing a low groan from his throat. “ Taste it from a different surface.” You physically see Jin’s dick twitch a that, it’s actually forming a tent beneath the silk of his pajama bottoms.

“Mmm yeah? Well…” Jin scoots as close to you as he can get, wrapping your legs around his waist in the process. His gaze is fuckin dangerous, peering down at you from beneath his Celine’s, heat pooling in the pit of your stomach within seconds!

“..Considering it was going to just go in the trash anyway…” He dips his finger into the batter one more time, only to smear it over your bottom lip before leaning in...slowly swiping his tongue over the surface before sucking it into his mouth with a moan that starts on his tongue and ends on yours.  “Why don’t you get yourself another taste then…” He murmurs low, and breathy against your lips, the strong smell of chocolate fling your nose, nothing subtle about the way your eyes drop to watch the way his tongue swipes along his lips.

At that point you just grip his jaw and kiss him, hot and messy, leaving nothing up for speculation at this point, Fuck Kellies brownies!

He leans forward bracing both of his arms on either side of your frame, sighing into the kiss as content as can be. Tilting your head to deepen it, as you drag your fingers through his slightly damp locks. Your lips are both sweet and sticky which makes them melt together even easier,Jin’s tongue moves inside your mouth with such ease! I mean fuck,  it’s been almost 8 years now so I guess you shouldn’t be surprised. He works your mouth open wider so his tongue can get deeper, the sweet slow glide, hot and heady, the faint leftover taste of chocolate has your toes curling against the sole of your heels.

“You’re so fuckin hard” You whine around his tongue and he smiles around yours, reaching between him to palm at his own length.

“Mmmhmm..” Breath hitching in his throat once he tightens his grip around his tip. “For you….” Jins eyes fluttering open, mouth falling ajar into a silent moan as your palm meets his….guiding his movement.

“I really wanna suck you off…” Slurs against his lips, swatting his hand away completely, wrapping your hand around the base and squeezing. The silk from his pants was far too delicate to really create any type of barrier. Ripping a deep moan from his throat as you stroke him. Jin’s physically throbbing in your palm as we speak, and as if on instinct you feel yourself clamp down around absolutely fucking nothing. But there’s no denying that your body’s reacting simultaneously to his...even if he’s not physically inside you...yet.

“I thought, you wanted more chocolate?” Jin smiles against your lips before dragging them down your jaw, over your throat, licking a trail towards your shoulders. A string of breathy moans leave your tongue the harder he starts to suck against your skin, you can feel his eyes on you too. He has you feeling like your body’s burning from the inside out! Jin’s always been one for eye contact, as if he doesn't wanna miss a single second of how you react to him, gaze dark and hooded. Those big brown eyes of his completely blown out...looking like he’s ready to fucking ruin you and you can’t find it in yourself to even considering looking away.

‘Fuck” Whispers off your lips as he bites into your neck “I do, fuck I do, let me down!” swatting at his shoulders aimlessly until he does what you say and within seconds you have him pushed against the glass refrigerator.

An amused smile tugging on his lips as he takes in how blatantly fucked out you already look. Adding fuel to the flame Jin actually slides his own hand into his pants, thumbing over the head as he strokes himself at an agonizingly slow pace. Eyes trained on yours the entire time though they’re barely open. You watch his muscles contract every time he adjusts his grip, and as much as you wanna join in you can’t find it in you to move!

“Babyyyy” Hisses off his lips like he’s begging and demanding all at the same damn time! Within seconds you're caging his body against the doors, tilting your chin up to capture his lips again. The taste of chocolate is still strong along his tongue, as he kisses you full and messy. You pull his hand away and if the growl that rolled off his tongue was any indication to his he felt about it….

There's not much room between the fridge and the island so the bowl is at arm's length, not to mention he was making enough browns to feed 20+ people so it’s not like the bowls microscopic. Without breaking the kiss you manage to reach back, swiping your fingers through the batter. You feel every muscle in his stomach tense beneath the pads of your fingers as you paint a languid trail all the way to his waist.

“Oh” Jin asks a mischievous grin moving up his face as he snakes his hand around, a strong hands pulls you even closer. God, so fuckin solid, chest firm and defined...letting his other hand grip your hair right at the roots. Tugging it back until your moaning into his mouth “That how you wanna play?” Lips ghosting along the hinge of your jaw..blowing against your skin slightly until you shivered.

You grin up at him, eyes heavy….”Depends...you gonna let me play the way I want?” Tongue toying with the corner of your mouth as you await his response which he doesn't even verbally give. Just simply raising his brow which shouldn’t be as fucking sexy as it was, reaching behind you, moving the bowl to the counter to his right so you don't have to reach around to grab it.

Keeping his eyes trained on your as he slides his shirt off his body, letting it fall where it may, pulling his pants down mid-thigh, cock thick, long, and slightly curved as it bounced against his stomach. Precome just oozing off the tip and down his shaft….which looked painfully hard the tip a dark shade of pink...

“You can play with me however you want princess”  Reaching up to nuzzle his fingers into your scalp again, this grip isn’t as aggressive as the last...a little more..intimate. You can feel his thumb padding against your scalp, fuck he’s always so calm..collected. I don’t know why but whenever the two of you have sex solo  it’s like this...it’s always a reminder than he is in fact the eldest...and back in your college days the most experienced. Though he wasn’t. one to brag about his skills he was just one to show up, show out and leave…

There’s a low chuckle that rings in the back of his throat and it trails right down your spine...

“You just fuckin ache for it don’t you? Those pretty lips of yours miss having my cock in your mouth?” Rolling his hips into yours with a moan “It’s not just about me is it? You love this don’t you princess?” You nod dumbly, god why is he so damn distracting your suppose to be in control, fuck! “I’m all yours, right here for you to do whatever you want…”

Regardless of how hard your shaking you find it in you to actually attempt to function. Swiping your fingers back into the bowl you extend your trail, starting at his neck, over his collarbones...down his chest….then connecting the lines to his sternum.

Ducking down to trace over the trail with your tongue and lips, alternating between kissing, licking, sucking your way down his body. Jin’s moaning out low and breathy, the grip on your hair tightens, eyes flickering up to admire the wet trail your leaving behind in the process. To be honest your far too impatient to draw this out the way you’d really like so before Jin even has time to process what's happening you drop to your knees.

‘Fuck” Groans from his chest, abdomen tightening from the site of you on your knees alone, back positioned in the perfect arch as you lean forward. Eyes trained on yours as you lay your tongue flat against his stomach. You don't even move either, lashes fluttering up at him far too innocently and Jin just smiles at you, already aware as to what you're “asking” for!

“Mmm, you got me all messy princess…” Grabbing the back of your head to guide you as you lick and kiss the rest of the way down. “Good girl, baby, fuck “ Jin’s voice gets a little higher, the more you roll your tongue against his skin. Sucking an array of bruises, along the way, as if to accentuate the point that he is in fact “yours”! Gazing up at him like you want to absolutely wreck him because well...you do. And well he told you, you could do whatever you want soooooo.

However once you get to his cock you stop, and just stare up at him again, eyes wide, and almost innocent, which has Jin all the way fucked up right now and you notice...lashes fluttering up in his direction.

“What do you want princess?” Jin brushes back your hair, as you nuzzle your nose into his inner thigh, nipping slightly until he’s slouching into the fridge for support. Head lolling back as you cup his balls, lifting them so you can kiss each before sucking one into your mouth. It’s clear you're not going near his dick until he puts you there but to be honest he’s not complaining! Your tongue takes long slow strokes, up, down, around, before sucking each back into your mouth. It's obscenely loud, and messy, lips and chin coated in spit. Sending shudders coursing through his entire body, fuck he’s so damn hard.

“Baby…” He breathes out almost in awe, as he guides your head upwards, leaning over and dipping two fingers back into the bowl “I think you forgot about your chocolate...Open, your mouth for me, pretty…”

You do because of course you do “Tongue out” Letting it roll past your lips in a way that has him smirking at you as he places the digits along or tongue ‘Suck” Dragging the pads of his fingers along your tongue, as you moan out around them…Purposely hitting the back of your throat making you gag slightly. ”O...pen…” The words rolled off his tongue painfully slow, almost as slow as he drug his fingers away...

Dipping his fingers in the bowl one last time, painting a trail from base to tip, sighing out at the initial contact from how sensitive he’s getting. Smearing his precum around in the process before sliding his fingers back into your mouth to lick off the excess. “There...now I think we've handled your first craving, why don't you wrap those pretty little lips around my cock so we can do something about the other” It wasn’t really a question, he did not phrase it as a question…

So, you let his fingers slide free, leaning forward to wrap your lips around his tip. Eyes open and focused on the beautiful man above you...you take a deep breath, relax your throat, and take him all the way home. Not stopping until your lips are hoovering as close as you can get to the base of his cock, nose flush against his groin and Jin about screams. He was not at all ready for that.

“Goddammit Y/n!” He almost sounds aggravated, jaw tight, nostrils flared as he yanks your head back so only the tips in your mouth, and the way your suctioning your lips around his tip has him hissing through clenched teeth.

“Stop, I wanna take it.....I can take it, let me have what I want…” God your pouting and whining and he feels as though he could come right now! Jin reaches down and cradles your jaw, making you lean into the contact. Jin has always been a little...gentler  with you unless you ask, I mean he calls you princess for a reason, and don’t get me wrong it’s not like I’m saying he keeps things sweet and vanilla! It’s just you have to tell him to go hard or he won’t just do it…he’ll make you want to get your throat fucked but won’t unless you ask. He’s the type to fuck you slow and deep with his hand around your neck while you make love but also whisper the nastiest things in your ear that you could make you come alone.

“Fuck” He sighs defeated, instinctively wanting to buck up into your mouth “I know you can, and if you want me to hold you down and make you take it then…” You feel his hand shift and his grip tighten...guiding you back down… “Relax your throat for me princess…” Your eyes meet him directly as you do, and he guides you down his shaft slowly..he can hear you sniffle in a breath through your nose and he keeps pushing until he hits the back of your throat only this time he's prepared for it.

Jin gasps eyes slightly unfocused , jaw tense “That’s it baby fuck…god you look soo good right now..” His chest is tight but he's still not stopping, not until your throat is completely full and your lips meet skin. Once he’s finally fully logded in your throat you both gasp...Jin's eyes hit the back of his head, which he slams against the fridge in the process…

“Oh my god babyyyyy” He whines and he pulls your head back but you keep your lips tight and pert the entire way up. Hissing at the steady stimulation, however once you reach the tip and start to make your way back down again with such fineness he knows your ready to take more.

Jin is a little hesitant initially when he starts lifting his hips, sliding into your mouth. Your eyes flutter close as you take in a deep slow breath through your nose, humming out as he starts to pick up his pace.

“Oh fuck yesss…” Hand tightening in your hair, Jin can feel the shift now, feel the moment his cock pushes its way through your throat, warm, tight...but relaxed. Its clear it’s not your first rodeo...you gag a little but your not straining...it’s not a “job” for you…you want this and that turns him on to no end. The way your moaning around his cock as you bob your head up and down has his length twitching along your tongue!

You can tell he’s still going a little slow, probably because he doesn't wanna hurt you! So,you lean up on your knees a little, and decide to take what you want, digging your nails into his thighs starting to push back against him. He tries to stop you from moving so you dig your nails into him even deeper, eyes fluttering open only to roll them to the back of your head more times that either of you can count and he can’t help but choke out a moan around a stifled laugh!  

“Okay, pretty, okay…I got you...I’ll give you what you want” You can feel his legs shake biting his bottom lip, as he starts to roll his hips deeper, harder, finding a smooth steady rhythm. One where his cock smacks the back of your throat every damn time just how you like it! “Shit” He breathes out in a shaky breath almost as if he's amazed at how good your doing…

“Fuck, such a good mouth baby, fuckin made to have your jaw fucked open…”

You look down right sinful, back arched, lips glossy with spit and precum and just fuck, fuck!

“Your not gonna last” You muse playfully as you pull back with an obnoxiously obscene noise, lips twitching into a smirk as Jin damn near growls!

“Fuck yo-“

“I’m not complaining….” leaning forward to place an array of open mouthed kisses along his shaft until he’s hissing through his teeth. “...Buttt...your so fuckin hard already baby I can feel you twitching beneath my-“

“Put, your mouth back on my cock before I fuck your damn jaw wide open!” He’s panting way to hard for it to be demanding though Jin’s not your stereotypical dom anyway...his tones never truly demeaning yet...you know he’s not asking....Gripping your hair even tighter, yanking your head actually.  You lean up for a minute, sucking one of his balls into your mouth almost teasingly and Jin slouches into the door…

“Please, fuck I’ve been begging for” Your whining purposely lips and tongue leaving a messy spit covered trail behind. An exaggerated moan vibrating against his skin

“Your getting yourself all messy baby” Cutting you off as if you weren’t even speaking! Whipping your chin as he yanked your head back, guiding you back where he wants you, since you wanna fuck around!  “Your mouth must not be full enough yet” Tongue trailing along his bottom lip and with that, he’s fully lodgeding his cock back into your throat making you gag in the process.

“Yeah, yeah that sounds a lot better, look sooo fuckin good with your mouth full” Leaning over to squeeze your ass, hissing through clenched teeth as his hips grow quicker , stronger, bolder, and your taking it like a damn champ too!

Heats spread throughout every inch of Jin’s body, his chest is flushed and he looks so damn good, there's sweat gathering along his temples, the hand holding your hair is actually twitching. He pulls your hair even tighter this time making you moan and gag slightly. Before he even bothers to apologize he watches your eyes flutter up to meet him and even with a mount full of cock he knows that's a smirk on your lips.

“Your pussys just fucking soaked isint it? My baby’s just throbbing, every time I…” Suddenly he’s slowing your pace down, it;s almost..sensual now, how slowly hes rocking you gains his cock “You can feel this can’t you? Everytime…” Guiding your head up and down repeatedly only this time it’s slower,your strides are longer and the way he’s looking at you right now….fuck!

“Everytime my cock hits the back of your throat, your pussy gets so fuckin tight,and wet, you just love getting your throat fucked don't you, pretty?” You make a gargled sound that Jin knows is a “yes” and he smiles..lazy stated and blissed the fuck out… “Love a nice, big , hard cock, down your throat….Mmm,my pretty little cock slut yeah?”

You don't even try to respond, you just inhale sharply and start bobbing your head even harder encouraging him to give you what you want and he does. He fucking dose…he’s done holding back, so he grabs your hair as tight as possible, so much so not only dose your scalp burn but your entire body burns! He starts fucking into your throat, hard and fast...he knows how much you love this...he knows your fucking use to it ...his princess knows how to handle him...with ease…

“Your fuckin amazing baby, your taking me so good, so fucking deep...fuckkkkk”

Jin can’t help himself, from grunting , moaning, whining, swearing in both English and Korean! Which was without a doubt one of the sexiest things ever because his voice always got deeper. He’s so close..your taking him so well too.

“I’m fuckin close pretty...so fuckin close” He chokes out around a whine mid thrust, eyes heavy..bottom lip edged between his teeth...and you suck even harder..eyes fluttering up at him.

He keeps fucking into your mouth, deep and smooth, brining his hips flush to your face every time....

‘Fuckkk, your gonna swallow for me baby? Take it all like the good little sl-” Your hand suddenly comes up to squeeze his balls and he’s fucing done it catches him off guard too! Fingers spazzing in your hair, as your throat closes around him. He whines as his hips kick forward into your mouth, you press hard into his thigh keeping him in place. Swallowtail around him and Jin practically cokes on his own tongue. You don’t pull of right away either, moaning low, the slight vibrations making him hiss from over stimulation..

Jin came hard down your throat, the perfect mix of salty, sweet...the light hint of chocolate still lingering on your tongue….His knees almost buckle but he catches himself. Leaning forward, bracing both arms against the marble island, eyes still closed as you watch his muscles contract painfully hard and you can’t help but smile around him as his length starts to go soft along your tongue.

“Fuck” His voice breaks before he can even finish and yeah, yeah your proud, tipping forward on the balls of his feet, glasses almost slipping off his nose in the process!

You humm out, contently sending little bolts through his body, making him moan, and twitch above you yet he doesn't pry your lips away. Hands gently massaging his sides as those big brown eyes flutter open to meet you, heavy, glazed, unfocused...gently he pulls your lips away from his cock, and braces his arms on your sides lifting you off the ground with such ease no matter how spent he is and instantly your legs wrap around his waist.

Lips swollen, cheeks and chin slightly wet as he leans his forehead against yours…Panting out hard against your mouth, you can feel how erratic his heart is hammering against your own.

“So what do you think?” He whispers, a tired smirk playing on his lips “Still don’t think I need to remake it?”

You can’t even help but cackle, god you love this man, and you knew your voice is fucked so you just lean in, and he closes he gap instantly. Kissing you deep, slow, loving, tasting himself all over your tongue, kissing you until your huffing out a pained breath through your nose because you feel as though you can’t even breathe. Tugging impatiently at the hem of your tank top, and next thing you know your squeezing your legs around his waist and raising your hands so he can slide it off. This, always this..the skin on skin, how warm he feels….essentially chest to chest minus the thin lace from your bra, but it feels good..feels like home. Gently running his hands all over the planes of your back, ghosting his nails against your skin making sure to leave a trail of goosebumps behind in the process.

Your warm and almost pliant under his palm, moaning out contently as he continues kissing you, like he has all the time in the world like he doesn't have a shit ton of brownies to make. Which, I guess in theory is very minute in comparison to what’s going on right now but as we’ve established Jin is very anal! Sliding his hand up to grab your ass and you whimper slightly so he does it again, harder this time….

Your so caught up by the languid slide of Jin’s tongue that you haven't even realized your moving….clearly headed towards his bedroom as he walks the two of you out of the kitchen!

Pressing tour back against the brick beam in the center of his living room, leaning down to place a wet open mouthed kiss on the side column of your neck. “What do you want me to do you?” He breathes into your skin low and husky nipping at the vein rearing and you can't help but exhale a shaky breath, clawing your nails up his back until he's the one moaning against your skin.

“Whatever the fuck you want-” Just, as Jin’s about to turn the corner he hears his front door unlock…..

“Sorry, my zoom meeting ran long, I swear I’m going to kill that new British investor…” Hoseok comes in like a bat straight out of hell as per usual, far too caught up in a million things to initially realize what he’s walked in on!

“... Then Don wasn't answering, and it was getting late. so I just ended up going to the dispo, and I-” Eyes fluttering over to finally met yours and it’s spine chilling how quickly his gaze darkens! Honestly, you weren’t even aware he was supposed to be coming over to be honest, but fuck yeah 2Seok FTW! A shit eating grin plastered on his face that quickly turns into a toe curling smirk as he licks his lips and kicks his shoes off. Placing the bag from the discrepancy and his jacket on the couch before studying forward. God he looks like such a fuckboy right now but your live for it because he fits the aesthetic without the toxic traits. Perfectly tanned skin, a backwards snapback, vneck, skin tight jeans with an offensive amount of rips in them and chunky Gucci sneakers…  

“Fuck, and here my dumb ass was thinking when you said you were bringing Jin groceries...you actually meant something he could literally eat…” Hoseok’s eyes meet Jin’s briefly and there's something you can’t quite catch lingering within his gaze! “What the fuck did I miss?” Purrs off his tongue,as he tangles his fingers in your hair, yanking your head back, completely missing the way his eyes lock with Jin as he leans in kissing you! It’s hard, wet, and messy,but he’s not lacking skill that's for damn sure. Instantly groaning against your tongue once he gets a taste of what you’ve really been doing, you can’t help; but sigh as you tilt your neck back, allowing him to deepen the kiss. While he kisses you he holds tight onto Jin’ s waist, eyes fluttering back open briefly as he digs his nails into his sides!

“Such a fuckin tease” Husks off the elders lips though your far to consumed to even notice. Leaning forward sinking his teeth right into Hoseok pressure point. Not letting up until his knees damn near buckle yet he doesn't pull away. He just kisses you harder, and digs his nails even deeper into Jin’s skin…with a deep groan.

“Baby…”Jin breathes against his neck, painting his tongue up the side in the process, both of you hum as you don;t know who he’s referring too, and he smiles against Hosoek’s skin “Seok…”

Well that answers that “I want you….” Kissing his way over to Hoseok’s ear, tugging the tinny gold hoop between his teeth “...to lay princess on the couch... and fuck her until she can’t even see straight…” It should actually be illegal now nonchalant this man just said that!

You both moan at that, pulling away just enough to breath, forehead flush against his...your eyes mirror his, stupidly fucked out and needy as he leans forward and sucks your bottom lip into your mouth…

‘Think you can do that for me?” Jin still hasn't stopped pressing open mouth kisses to Hosoek’s neck who's completely consumed by how needy you sound…The way your clearly grinding against Jin for stimulation right now because your so turned on.

A smirk playing on those heart shaped lips of his… ”That what you want baby? You wanna put on a little show with me? What me to fuck you while Jin watches...fuck you so good that he can’t even focus…”Not even bothering to phrase it as a question because he aleady knew what you wanted!

Tongue teasing at your bottom lip “Untill, all he can hear is you begging me to stop because you can’t take it anymore?” Hoseok is basically moaning all this into your mouth, as his hands shift beneath you, Jin passes you off like you weigh negative two pounds…and you instantly lace your arms around his neck.

‘Fuck, please” You exhale shakily lips flush against Hosoek’s neck as you feel Jin press himself behind you so your sandwiched in..you watch Jin snake his hand up Hoseoks back, gripping him by the nape of the neck forcing him to make eye contact.

“Think you can be good for her while I finish this?” Eyes flickering to the kitchen though his tone is clearly taunting, so is he smirk playing on the elders lips…it’s now blatantly obvious you’ve missed something. There’s tension between the pair, nothing serious ...but there’s tension ...

“Of course, I know I can be more than just good hyung” There's clearly so much condensation dripping off that honorific it’s unreal…for one...they barley even use honorifics to begin with so clearly something was up....slyly letting his fingers ghost up Jin’s stomach, before clawing his way down.

Jin cocks his head to the side raising a brow, the grip he holds on the younger hair tightens “I will fucking rui-“

“Seokkkk, Jin!!!” You whine impatiently nipping at his neck...whatever his is...you cold careless blue clit is a thing...a very real one for you right now!

“Alright, New rules” 

Lordt!

“Hoseok’s gonna make you come as many times as you want….” Leaning in to kiss the impatient pout off your lips before turning his attention to Hoseok “ And you…” Yanking his head back a little “Don't get to come until we say Soo…”

“We?” The quirk in his bow accompanied by the crass in his tone proved he was far from amused..Yoongi would be proud...

“Mmmhmm, you said you were putting on a show right?” Walking past the two of you to grab his Tripod out the closet and you already know what that means…

Little secret...back in your college days Hosoek and yourself dabbled in a few cam sites together for extra money...So your far from shy when it comes to putting on a little show in front of a camera...especially in front of your boys....

THAT’S ALLLL SHE WROTE... FOR NOW...SHOW THIS SOME LOVE IF YOU ENJOYED/COME YELL AT ME!

Also dose anybody want me to continue this? I did not expect it to end like his but I ain’t mad about it. Also wtf do you think Hoseok did to Jin?

MASTERLIST for this AU linked below..also as I noted in the sneak peek this is not Jin’s “intro” chapter that’s why outside of the fact that he’s always loved to cook I didn’t tell you much about his “character”. However I have finally mapped out both his and Hoseok’s and I will add those summaries to the mastrlist soon...

7 DEEP

[ranvwoop]

Ran!!!! Lore thought??

hello Cryptid!!! pal!!!! I hope you are doing well!!! I have Quite a few thoughts!!!! I enjoyed it a lot!!! I love... c!Tubbo and c!Ranboo.... both of them. This blog works on a hierarchy of faves, actually, so like, I don't need to be correct but I do need to appreciate my faves :D. All c! from here on out until specified otherwise, also!

To preface! Quackity! Rude! I don't know where exactly my opinion on Quackity was, but its basically like. You can excuse torture, manipulating people to join your country by making them feel they have no other choice, whatever his plans for Techno are, whatever's up with him and Sam, and whatever else has been going on but draw the line at being mean to Tubbo and Ranboo? Basically. Watching Tubbo gather his bearings and shut him down was Cathartic.

(As always, I've got to give cc!Quackity props for the acting!! And that manner of speaking!!! It's very good. Very cool. Whenever he acts I always make a point to remember that cc!Quackity is a law student, and I like law, and I just think about how good he'll be at it :v !! )

I am very excited for this !! It's nice to have conflict. I also really like the fact that it's acknowledged that Quackity does not like Ranboo, because, well. Everyone likes Ranboo, barring Wilbur and people who he hasn't interacted with. He has done nothing wrong in his entire life and everyone knows this (for legal reasons this is a joke). It's cool that Quackity still dislikes him, especially to the extent that he thinks of him as a threat (or trying to convince Tubbo that he does, either one).

I can afford a little bit of nuance to Quackity, he does very obviously have Genuine Issues after everything that happened. Being under Schlatt, I have literally no idea what happened with El Rapids I'm gonna be honest but it sure looked dramatic when Quackity pronounced it dead on his lore stream idk, the Techno conflict. He wants to be left alone. People will not leave him alone. The only people that Las Nevadas as an establishment is hurting right now are people who've already agreed to join, there is no real reason for anyone to be poking about in his business. (Tommy literally opened his stream with "What will annoy Quackity?", Wilbur is here for spite, and Tubbo is investigating it as a threat, but like, there's no real reason other than him being a bit paranoid). They're basically here to bother the guy who just wants to make his little get rich slow scheme nation. He should definitely not blame Tubbo for not checking up on him, though. Yeah, he died, but like. A lot of things happened at that time, if I recall, the Bedrock Bros™ started causing trouble around L'Manburg and then Doomsday happened very soon after. So like. Tubbo had a full plate. Did you go check on how he was doing?? D:??? Not that Quackity had to, but like most failing to reach out, it goes both ways and nobody really has the grounds to blame it on anyone. It absolutely makes sense from a perspective standpoint, though, since he thinks that he's been abandoned by all of his peers, his finaces, and had to manipulate his new pals to hang out with him. However. Don't be mean to Tubbo D:.

... I got really distracted here, it's now been hours later and this is still open on my laptop, whoops.

Tubbo standing his ground!! As he should! He's right. From either perspective, they're only as much of an apparent threat to Las Nevadas as it is to the rest of the server, tbh -- there's no real reason to want them gone yet, but in the hands of two paranoid individuals, everything looks pretty suspicious. Of course. I will be siding with bee duo over all else, because I am a fool, and as watchers, Las Nevadas is probably gonna end up Pretty Bad, cause. We know all of the insider details and such, and we know that the cookie outpost is here to spy on them. But they had no claim to it until today. Also, the Ghandi Civ V line was a power move. Tubbo's whole negotiating, really!! I love Tubbo's character. cc!Tubbo constantly sells himself short and it is slander!

We got some talk about Tubbo trauma, which is very nice. I think the way that Tubbo views Quackity is really interesting, too. I don't remember what role he actually played in Tubbo's execution, but I think it's interesting that he attributes all of the executions to him. And that he worries about Ranboo. I'm once again very glad that we are talking about the fact that Quackity doesn't like Ranboo. Also!! Scars canon! Nice. Nice nice.

I have... a slight... hope...... that Tubbo joins the anarchists. Or at least that they lend a hand. Las Nevadas are claiming his land, after all. I just think it'd be neat. If he's forgiven Technoblade, and Snowchester is basically defunct because all of it's citizens are gone... pspspspspspsps anarchist Tubbo.

Tommy then had a lore stream. I didn't watch most of it. I'm kind of happy that Ranboo did not get caught up what Tommy is doing. I would like good things for Tommy, but I also would like good things for Ranboo, and Tommy asking how that helped Wilbur's plan, and Ranboo saying that he didn't care about Wilbur's plan?? NICE. Ranboo. Please. Do things for yourself and your husband and your friends and don't be pulled into Wilbur's plan because of guilt.

And that's it. I have exhausted most of my thoughts. I just think they're neat. Thank you for reading to the end! Have this lil guy. Look at him.

[forestwater87]

Hey! It's the one who wanted fanfiction writing advice and how to sorta join the fandom. So, I am currently writing a werewolf! au for Gwenvid, and I was wondering if I could ask you something (well, multiple somethings lol)? One, what are things you would like to see in a Gwenvid fic? Two, do you have any advice for writing a good first chapter? Mine is kind of short and not too good, but yours are super good. Three, how would Gwen react to becoming a werewolf? Scared or excited? Thanks!

Oooh, fun! I don’t know if I’m the best authority on this, but I think I have a couple followers who might also have some good insights. Let’s see . . .

Things I personally go feral for in Gwenvid fics:

That UST. Pining, longing, yearning -- whatever you wanna call it, all those little glances at each other then looking away when they get caught staring, getting distracted by a brush of skin against theirs or the other one looking amazing just out of nowhere, standing too close without realizing it and then awkwardly coughing and backing away . . . all of it. These two goobers in love with each other and completely oblivious is just . . . idk, it’s obviously personal preference, but that will-they-won’t-they dance is one of my favorite things about pre-established-relationship Gwenvid, and something I never get tired of. (Also, just saying: werewolf transformations have the distinct side effect of the werewolf waking up partially or completely naked in the forest. It’s a scenario ripe for awkward and/or hilarious situations.)

If they’re in an established relationship already, it’s all about those little domestic things. I mean, there can be domestic things even before they’re dating, because they live together for like 3-4 months out of the year so they have a routine going, but things like one of them keeping the light on for the other without thinking, making coffee/tea and leaving everything laid out just the way the other one likes it, communicating (or even arguing) with just a look, all the casual lil touches of two people so comfortable with each other that it’s automatic at this point. It’s an essential part of fluff that I sometimes feel is overlooked in favor of more dramatic hurt/comfort (which is also excellent, to be clear).

BANTER! It’s not so much a canon thing as a fanon one, but the artist formerly known as Ciphernetics basically established flirty teasing and back-and-forth as a staple of Gwenvid’s charm in their earth-shatteringly beautiful fanfiction (that I can’t link because tumblr softblocks posts with links, but if you look at my blog for like 10 seconds you’ll be able to figure out what I’m talking about), and I think everyone’s writing, including my own, needs more banter. They’re so different, after all; why not have them butt heads in a fun way?

Please please please don’t do NSFW if you’re uncomfortable with it, but there is nowhere near enough of it in Gwenvid-land. Just because we’re wholesome doesn’t mean we can’t also be kinky! (Oh man, I just realized I have no idea how old you are. Uhhhh if you’re not an adult just skip this one on by! Or if you are an adult and this ain’t it. It’s like it wasn’t ever here! Poof! I should probably just delete this, but maybe it’ll awaken a spark of inspiration in someone. Lord knows I haven’t been driving the smut train for a while, so I’m just hoping someone else will do my job for me. Plus Gwen would want me to include this suggestion, especially if there are werewolves involved.)

You know, there’s not a lot of action-hero Gwenvid out there, is there? Most of it’s relationship melodrama and domestic fluff, which I love -- obviously, I write it literally all the time -- but with a werewolf AU you have the opportunity for gratuitous violence, and both David and Gwen have proven they can kick a whole lot of ass and deal out (or take) a lot of pain. If you need two people fighting monsters -- or fighting as monsters -- you could do a lot worse than those two. It’d be a fun change of pace that’d work well with their character dynamic.

Writing a first chapter:

I don’t have a ton of advice here that isn’t pretty common, but the biggest thing is to start in the middle of action. This can range in terms of drama: a camp activity going horribly wrong, a nightmare, maybe even David discovering Gwen’s a werewolf. Your story doesn’t have to go in chronological order, after all, so if you have to backtrack in later scenes or chapters that’s not a bad thing in the slightest! 

It’s much better to start with a really exciting, gripping situation and then backfill in the information that matters than starting off with all that boring worldbuilding and exposition. Don’t get me wrong, that worldbuilding and exposition are necessary, but they’re also like . . . I dunno, salt. It’s essential to the recipe, but no one would say it’s their favorite part of a meal, and having to eat a whole pile of it before they get to the good stuff wouldn’t be enjoyable at all. It’s better sprinkled throughout to add flavor to your story as needed.

I like that metaphor! It’s kinda cliche, but I think it still gets the job done.

So yeah, start with something exciting and know it’s okay for your readers to go, “wait, what the fuck’s going on?” That’s kind of a great thing, actually; it establishes mystery and introduces higher stakes, and just gets your readers going. It’s also more fun to write, which is good! (For example, I just read a really great book call The Chill, which opened with a woman tying a bag over her head, weighting herself down with chains, and throwing herself into a river to “join the work.” Who is this person? What work? Did she know she was going to die -- it definitely doesn’t feel like a suicide, but what else did she think was going to happen?? I’m instantly on board, even if the next few scenes were focused on establishing exposition and actually kinda boring. It’s all about that hook.)

To be fair: I don’t do this all that often in my own fics. For every “starting the story with a botched assassination attempt,” we have “starting the story with waking up.” It’s important to have a first chapter that matches and sets the tone of your story; if it’s going to be a rip-roaring action/horror adventure, you’re going to want to start things off with all that stuff I mentioned before. If you’re writing cute fluff, there’s nothing wrong with your in media res chapter opening being an adorable fluffy scene. Compelling doesn’t have to mean scary or action-packed, but more serve as a teaser for what the rest of the story is going to bring. I’ve been leaning on action or thriller stuff because a werewolf AU implies some level of creature-feature monster spookiness, but any tone works as the start of a fic, as long as it’s not “here’s a laundry list of the universe’s rules,” because that’s boring and you can weave that into the rest of your story later. 

As for your other comment, short isn’t bad at all; in fact, if you want to make your first chapter a really short, compelling scene, that can be a great way to draw people in. But I also am a proponent of writing until it’s done, and couldn’t stick to a page or word count to save my life. My chapters are all over the place, and sometimes I’ll randomly chop them up if I feel like it’s going too long but usually I don’t bother. The more you write, the more you develop a feel for when the story, chapter, or scene needs to end, but as you’re starting out you might wanna snag a beta to help you find that stopping place.

Wow, this is long! Awkward! Sorry about that! I’ll make this last one short:

Gwen the werewolf:

I can’t imagine any universe in which she isn’t psyched as hell. I think she desperately wants to be more special and important than she is, and having a sexy monster superpower would only be a good thing to her, regardless of whatever its drawbacks may be. She might get tired of certain aspects of being a werewolf as the honeymoon phase wears off, but in the beginning I think she’d be excited and maybe even relieved.

Anyway, I hope that helps! It’s a lot of rambling, but I imagine you’re used to that by now. :)

[lordxgrinnyxboy]

i’m watching London now and

Gwyn’s reacting to meeting Mojo for the first time and i’m. so upset. he sounds proper terrified. :’(

he either just said “wow...wolf...” or “warmth”

LONDON MOJO HAS A TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL

MOJO BARKED

that howl sounds like me whenever i see new tgm content

URSUS CROUCHES DOWN TO THE KIDS’ LEVEL

I’M COMPROMISED

oh sh he immediately follows it up with “you can’t stay here” damn ursus

WHY IS IT DANGEROUS URSUS. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.

Mojo sounds like he’s about to end Ursus’ life fr

the NOISES in this version. We’ve got dizzy!Gwyn and i am getting serotonin. which is a little weird but i’ll take it

 the baby noises are super real but nothing beats Ms. Brisson’s baby noises i’ll tell u that

“Who is this? Your sister?” “No.” ashfajfhaj

there’s both More and Way Less going on in this scene like Gwyn’s just kinda standing there like “okay”

he’s walking around now

just dropped like a sack of potatoes when Dirry-Moir goes “HIS FACE DID IT”

ooh Ursus sounds even more Done

why does she have a necklace that says Dea. does Ursus not know his wife had that. why does she have necklace

is “loved by the father she would never see” part of the inscription?

Did Ursus Get A Necklace For His Unborn Kid And Try To Send His Family AWAEY?

Mr. Maskell’s just yanking that puppet’s head all over the place

this poor kid sounds like he’s straight up dying i feel so bad

he’s like sobbing and Ursus thinks it’s a laugh

side note that the cowl is Stunning and An Excellent Look as always

*harsh whisper* “and it was then that i saw! that the boy could do nothing but! . . grin.”

“gaAAaaah” oh Gwyn

“I watched you, boy, I saw your poor mother drown” AND YOU JUST LET HIM WANDER OFF INTO THE SNOW???

Ursus no disrespect but he’s kinda having a moment and you’re just

Ursus i swear if you do not get that child a tylenol

god he went after that like a magnetized kitten holy heck Gwyn

points awarded for sounding delirious

you are like super coherent and goal-oriented laddie

i don’t know what this voice is Mr. Maskell is doing but i kind of love it but it also Does Not Fit

he’s like simultaneously delirious as hell but also more lucid than Bristol!Gwyn couldve ever dreamed of being

AHSFJAGHA THIS VERSION OF BROKEN AND ALONE I’M

WHAT

IT’S HIGH IT’S HIGH HE’S HIGH IT’S HIGH

Oh god the sobbing

i’ve held out this long but i’m finally forced to say it. think i might kinda love Mr. Maskell a little bit.

nvm i hate the way he just stood up i take it back 

oml the voice on “father?” hsjhsj

kinda abrupt transition to stars in the sky

it sounds different but ooh smooth ooh i kinda like it

“am I dreaming” BABEYYYY

Ursus just like “Lemme go ahead and Not Answer That Question.”

idk why but this song always feels like Ursus half expects Gwyn to die in his sleep or something

dang Ursus doesn’t even wait for him to fall asleep he just jumps right on back like “sink or swim kidlet my hand in this is DONE”

i just realized it’s Just Him puppeteering this kid. somehow looks Stranger than multiple ppl workin the puppet but it might be the angle

on my life i swear it looked like Ursus just either punched the wall or threw a dart at a board

aw Ursus has a lil lie down in this one. about 672000 feet away from the Mojo + Kids pile but still

Mr Maskell just levitated the puppet

what on earth kinda rotational maneuver w

i think they just did actual magic of some sort. i am. bewildered. what.

“Dea!” awwwwwww

“mMOJO!” good gracious.

SHE’S ON THE WOLF

man they cut out “I DON’T WANT STORRIES”

Gwyn’s tone on “no, Beauty and the Beast” here XD

“The Goblin and the Fishmonger?” “No”

“The Bride Who Loved Salt?” “Noooo”

Gwyn’s got a favorite word in this edition and it’s “no”

awwwwwwwwwwweee the “YES!” reactions that’s too cute actually

the Beast voice in this one X’D

“I’m...dying. I’m. . .bleh.” *slaps puppet down on table” i am in tears

wait a second they cut out the whole “You’re the wicked witch” thing. DISAPPOINTED

“WHOoOoOAH” GWYNLIT STOP

abrupt swerve into super smooth “never did I dream” i’m so

i have mixed feelings about the “I’d like to be a Lord” but oof “and wake up in a real palace” hits different after “Am I dreaming?”

why are they reacting to the floaty bit or are we just supposed to imagine that the kids are still dancing and are just going all spinny or

OHHHHHHH HOLY NIIIIIGHT THE SPINNING THE SPINNING THE HAND HOLDING THE SPINNING THEY’RE SPINNING WHAT WHAT I

IS THIS REAL

I HAVE ASCENDED

im cry

i like how he just yeets her across the room and he starts up with “never did I dream” like “pls ignore the fact that I totally just threw you across the room”

she just flung out a hand and drew him to her like the gosh darn force and that’s on

his outfit has colors this time

she kissed him so good he lost his right elbow for a second

ngl i do love the way London!Gwyn does the “has given me LIFE” like that little upward hitch on the ‘i’ i just like the sound okay

the choreo is a little odd tho

Gwyn fully looks like he’s two seconds away from doing a little dance number but he keeps stopping just short of getting to it

what is this headbob he’s doing good grief

go off with your little dramatic hand wiggle and holding Dea’s hand up like it’s simba! i see you! yeah Gwynplaine! strike that pose!

London!Gwyn uses crimson lethe instead of milk in his cereal, that’s the only possible explanation

the man is LIT UP

he is drunk on love and homebrew painkillers

what does Dirry-Moir swear was real? the puppets? He just pointed out everything going black so he’s either breaking the fourth wall or Clarence’s death literally triggered an eclipse

QUAKE?

they just hop in the cart and Ursus locks it up X’D “Get in the car, kids!”

he let Dirry-Moir come in their HOUSE oh no

and this post is way too long so i’ll cut it here but! Bristol owns my heart but i will not deny having a good time so far.

[shibalen]

💥hewwo can I pwease get a romantic male matchup for bnha (darkbox bc I live for angst) (music box) when you have the time uwu

Levi he/him gay entp supposedly (also if it's not too much to ask please no characters under the age of 18 please)

I've been described as having a strong and loud personality, I'm extroverted and outspoken. I'm pretty eccentric too.

I value friendship, kindness and standing up for others.

Goal wise I'm pretty aimless. I dont have any goals, if I die well I guess that's it babey. In the meantime I'm just here to help animals and people who need it.

Positive traits: I always stick up for people in need, I'm good at reading people, I'm good with animals, I love to make people smile and laugh, cheerful, good at talking my way out of bad situations, uhm. Friendly!

Negative traits would be: hot headed, loud, stubborn, arrogant, comes across as intimidating:( good at getting into bad situations, gets into fights very often. Can be spiteful, I've been described as a pyromaniac so theres that. Can be sadistic

What pisses me off: my father. I can and will cause trouble for that man for as long as I live. And people who pick on the weak.

My hobbies and interests areeee: true crime babey! Crying over video games, baking, the occult, taking naps, dream interpretations and tarot readings

Likes: animals, cats specifically, stars, fire, sunsets, supposedly haunted places, storms, being dramatic for the hell of it, tormenting people in a good hearted way

Dislikes: uhhhh hot weather I guess.

Quirks: uh I have 5 cats! Ones my fathers but he never takes care of his cat so i pretty much count him as my own (plus he likes me more than my dad and it pisses my dad off hehe) I have weirdly accurate intuition, it makes reading people easy, knowing what they want to hear and what they dont.

Uhhh dates and relationship wise I'm honestly happy doing whatever my s/o wants to do. All I want is to see their face light up.

My love language is physical touch, I dont like touching people but if it's someone I feel strongly about youd have to pry me away from them.

I once got kicked out of a library for starting a fight in it, trashy I know but I wasnt going to stand there and do nothing while my friends were being bullied and pressured into getting involved with a really dodgy man. I scared the bullies off for good at least B) they never bothered my friend again babey

Oh I'm also known around the area I live in as someone who's good at finding homes of lost pets. Often times I come across a lost animal and befriend it in no time and use my connections to find its family.

Sorry if this was rly long and thank you for your time!! I hope you have a fantastic day uwu if anything's too difficult to come up with ideas for I'm more than happy for you to change anything to make it easier for you too!

♡︎ matchup for anon

heya! here i am with another late matchup but i hope you still see this. i'm sorry about the delay (╯_╰)

bnha: i match you with . . .

natsuo todoroki !!

• this was one of those "heureka!" moments for me. you both hate your dads and hot weather? it's a match made in heaven! okay jk, these are just nice add-ons.

• what really made me consider Natsuo were your values and personality. kindness and friendships are important to both of you. Natsuo's a medical student so i am convinced helping others is high on his priority list too. he loves your driven and passionate nature because he doesn't go sugarcoating bs either.

• you're definitely the more energetic one while Natsuo only gets hot-headed about the things that are the most important to him. i think it's a good compromise, you can help each other out :)

• he was a little taken aback and cautious of your explosiveness at first but warmed up to it quickly after learning what a kind person you really were. now he thinks your dramatic attitude is funny during your sillier moments ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

• speaking of, you lads met at an animal shelter. there had been a dog that was astray in the neighbourhood of his home, so Natsuo, being a responsible boyo, took it to the local shelter.

• then there you were, standing by the help desk with five kittens wrapped in your jacket in your arms. apparently someone had been trying to drown them so you'd taken care of the situation accordingly.

• Natsuo understood jumping into a lake to rescue the poor animals because he would have done the same, but you could have had just called the police?? it was extremely ridiculous but admirable at the same time to beat all those guys up.

• your chat turned into a pleasant conversation afterwards as you were waiting for the animals to finish their check-ups. Natsuo was a bit shy but you didn't mind and kept the chat going which he appreciated.

• later he volunteered to help you look for good homes for the animals you'd both found. during this project the two of you got to know each other quite well and ended up hanging out together afterwards!

• and from that point on, everything fell into place naturally. the growing spark between you was undeniable and you both knew it. Natsuo definitely liked you longer, he was just a lil dense about it . . .

• you're nothing short of a hero in his eyes but dear lord he worries for you. when he's attending lectures he sometimes can't help but wonder if you're all right and not getting involved in anything violent.

• attends to your possible injuries while nagging you not to be so quick to start a fight next time. in return, you playfully bully him for being such a mom.

• you join forces with Fuyumi to pick on him about your relationship. even though you're already together, soft Natsuo still blushes when his affection for you is brought up, it's entertaining for both you and Fuyumi.

• idk if you've heard but Natsuo's 181cm tall!! hugging someone has never been easier even if you happen to be taller than him. the only thing is his skin's naturally kind of chilly so he's lowkey worried if you dislike it but you always assure him he's perfect!

• one time he was stressed over exams so you baked him some blueberry muffins. he gave you the biggest hug and kiss because it's exactly all these little things you do that set his heart racing for you ♡︎

• "last night i saw a dream about being a frog and eating giant flies, it was gross."

• "oh, that just means your love life is about to become fun."

• "i'm not sure how those two are related."

• "just trust me. i'm a pro at this."

• he also likes giving you headpats as much as he likes receiving them! his hands are quite big so he often runs his fingers through your hair when you're cuddling or hugging. it's especially relaxing after a long period of studying. also him carring you on his broad back ԅ(￣ε￣ԅ)

• you enjoy the little things in life and complain about your fathers together. you've agreed to wait a while before even mentioning your relationship to them because, honestly, Natsuo doesn't want any more horrible influences in your life.

• you get him sucked into the world of video games. it's always fun to watch him struggle but he never gets salty about losing maybe a lil he adores your smile as you laugh at him for being so bad at them.

• your dates include: helping out at animal shelters and retirement homes, video game and movie nights (especially about true crime), arcades and astronomy tower explorstions. i feel like Natsuo's more into traditional, romantic and chill dates and that's your usual thing. though i see sometimes you going to get coffee and ending up solving a 50-year-old murder case instead (✧ω✧)

❦︎ ink box

— despite Natsuo's best efforts to distance himself from Endeavor, it wasn't quite as easy and everyone was very much aware of the Todoroki family. and now the son of the number 1 hero had a lover.

— it wasn't actually that troublesome at first. some newpaper paparazzi occasionally annoyed you but you didn't care for them. most of the time Natsuo and you had your peace during dates aside from a few casual fans.

— but of course there are all sorts of people out there, some out for revenge, some for money, and being desperate means using even the lowest of methods to get what you want.

— so one time it happened, and it was all that took. several bitter villains thought they'd get their revenge through you, silly as it may sound. they made a big show of kidnapping you and demanding Endeavor to 'make up' for his wrongdoing. but all got resolved thanks to heroes, the only casualty being Natsuo's heart from almost exploding from worry and his deepening hatred for his father.

— later on, it wasn't that Natsuo was worried about you not being able to handle yourself, he feared what might happen if more of powerful villains came after you.

— so, after some debate, you agreed not to meet up for a short while to let the fuse of the incident settle down. it would be safer once the media forgot about it. you still texted and chatter over phone though!

— but then a week turned into two weeks, then into a month. you were wondering what was taking Natsuo to say the coast was clear and did a straight-up inquiry through a video chat.

— you could see he was restless the entire time. he said you should wait longer just to be sure everything was calm before meeting up. you became irritated because he was obviously lying and not being his normal, brutally honest self.

— why was he giving you this crap straight to your face?

— truthfully, Natsuo hadn't been sleeping all right recently. ever since that day he had reoccurring nightmares about something awful happening to you. they were just dreams, he knew. yet considering his ruffled up past and the frequency of those horrible visions, it would have been lie to say he was unaffected.

— paranoia just wouldn't leave him alone, and no matter how much he wanted to hold you in his arms again and hated making up stupid excuses, the voice at the back of his mind whispered this was for the best.

— after a month and a half had passed you've had just about enough, however. whatever reason he was keeping you in the dark for did no longer stop you from crashing into his house and demanding the truth.

— Natsuo knew you and expected this to eventually happen. after you made such a powerful entrance though he also knew there was no getting around it this time. really, it was comforting knowing you cared so deeply.

— he told you exactly what had been happening and you resisted the urge to punch him in the arm for having such a mindset. but the look in his beautiful grey eyes was so heartbreaking you threw yourself to embrace him instead. your touch was everything Natsuo had craved for for all this time.

— you skillfully assured him for the next couple of hours while keeping the talk light-hearted (he had obviously been overthinking way too much already). soon enough the issue was resolved and you had a sleepover right there to make uo for the lost time (Shoto and Fuyumi kept eavesdropping on you because y'all were being way too loud in a cute way).

— "i love you, Natsu, but if you ever keep something like this a secret from me again, i can't guarantee the safety of your arm or your front door."

♫︎ music box

— If I Had An Airplane by SayWeCanFly

— This December by Rick Montgomery

— Round & Laundry from Carole and Tuesday

— Haven't Had Enough by Marianas Trench

— Bowie On The Radio by Ryan McMullan

♡︎ runner up: Dabi / Touya Todoroki

thank you for requesting, hopefully you enjoyed this! i'm really pleased about matching you with Natsuo, it's just so perfect. have a lovely day and remember to take care of yourself ♡︎

[unproduciblesmackdown]

also i’ve been mulling over the “we’re Living ex machina!!!!” line and like, it still doesn’t make sense Really, but here’s my Afternoon Musings i guess

i’ve only actually seen ex machina once like 3 years ago but as i remember it goes a little something like This: some rando white-collar programmer guy has like, won a contest where the prize is to go hang out for maybe a few days or a week or so with this ~visionary genius~ tech dude played by oscar isaac at oscar isaac tech dude’s off-the-grid reclusive mansion or whatever.......i thiiiink the Protag Programmer won b/c his programming submission was Really Good but also maybe there’s a [randomly selected] element to it, or maybe we Think it was partly random selection but then learn it was actually All “yeah i chose you b/c your coding was the Best,” idk. doesn’t really matter but anyway yeah protag guy gets helicoptered in to the oscar isaac genius bro’s secret mansion 

oscar isaac soon reveals he has this advanced ai android whomst he wants the Protagonist to study / turing test, and the protagonist does that, but during one Conversation Session with this android (who is named ava i think? and designed to Look Like a Woman oo) like the lights turn off and ava-i-think informs the protagonist she’s found a Weakness in the mansion’s security system and hackt it so that the power (and thus the Security / Monitoring Systems) shut down for a minute like this but could feasibly be thought of as a glitch and anyways she’s like yeah i have feelings and thoughts and i want to Not Be Trapped here, ya gotta help me out here buddy, and then yknow ooh the systems come back on, oscar isaac can Observe them again, intrigue.....tl;dr protag and ava keep having these short secret convos and Do plan to break her out, there’s this dramatic moment where oscar isaac (who’s natch been acting weirder and more erratic as the plot unfolds) confronts the protag after the protag has just like, tried to get him blackout smashed by Hanging Out With Him lmfao and oscar isaac is like “ooh i knew you were planning to break her out, i’m gonna stop you guys though haha pwned” but then oh further twist, turns out ava and protag Knew that was the case and were thinking one step ahead and idk but yeah they break her out and oscar isaac dies but ooh further twist!!! ava locks the protag (or well, just Does Not Unlock, As Planned) in some room and leaves the mansion and gets on the Helicopter meant to take the protag back to wherever after the planned end of his stay. and the protag is just stuck there b/c everyone else is dead and presumably he dies as ava gets to exist in the outside world now, idk, we don’t need ex machina 2 where he’s escaped or smthing lmao

and i do NOT get what winston is comparing their situation to lmfao. like, oh rian is like an advanced ai android??? if anything, her being the more like ~true believer in High Finance as a means of socially beneficial effect~ vs winston like, having the supposedly cutthroat and cold Math approach would make Him more of the ~oh no more a robot than a person~ (though i think it’s Ambiguous whether we wanna judge ava as more Scary Bad or Sympathetic).........you can’t even really make the connection that “oh no we’re being deliberately Replaced!!” b/c if winston is [protag programmer rando] and rian is [ava] and wendy is, i guess oscar isaac then, uhhhh oscar isaac most definitely did Not intend to ~replace~ the protag with ava, he very much wanted her trapped in his mansion still........and the protagonist Only got “replaced” by ava in the sense that she took his place on the helicopter out of the reclusive secret mansion. i really doubt she planned to, or would even be able to, like take over his identity/life beyond that.....certainly not his job lol like, coworkers are gonna notice you’re a different person, there was no implication the androids can like oh shapeshift their appearance or whatever, and no implications about what ava even intended to do in the Outside World which is kind of bemusing b/c like, what of the Practical Questions of being an android and needing whatever Fuel Source a robot does, idk that might’ve been addressed or smthing like “oh yeah they can just Eat,” also she clearly does not Trust People considering her only company was evil oscar isaac creator and she wasn’t interested in bringing the protag along, plus yknow the fact that she Did deliberately manipulate the protag into thinking that she wanted to escape into the world With him........but not like i guess she has any choice for any other world to escape into but the one with all the people where she pretends to be an organic human

like there is just NO point of comparison where these situations line up unless you get soooooooo like broad strokes about ex machina that you’d do better to compare your experience to Anything else lmao. like, does winston think she’s some like, ideal advanced version of him?? like you might consider a crafted AI android to be?? i don’t know but i mean i think we have a more feasible explanation for why he’s so Insistent about this totally being Ex Machina, if only b/c as a straightforward comparison i swear to god it doesn’t work lmfao None of these points line up at all with any significance that’s worth insisting on

given that winston’s Apparently Canonically meant to be crushing on rian, and we have his example of ribbing her by calling her “gal gadot’s quirky sister” which is like, okay so the dunk is “you look similar to this famous a-lister who everyone thinks is pretty” and “also you’re quirky, boom” like, i think that could easily be meant as like, a Tell that winston already ~likes~ her.............aaaand it’s also somewhat ~ambiguous~ but i mean i think it’s safe to say that in Ex Machina you may understand the protag as having Fallen For the ai android lady. so maybe we can Understand this invocation of ex machina as being like “ooh person meant to replace me is Attractive but ultimately i think this Overall Situation is a bad thing i shouldn’t feel this way i resent it” like, a bit of a Reach, but honestly it’s way more of a reach to think about applying anything else about this scenario to ex machina, so i could v much believe that the thought that went behind writing this is once again, like, “okay winston’s invoking one thing on the surface level here, but simultaneously he’s already (inadvertently probably) acknowledging like oh also i have a crush on her already”

between this episode seeming to be Setup and the [winston has a Canon crush] and the fact that it probably seems like They Will Fuck A Nonzero Number Of Times or Make Out At Least But It’s Billions So, Might Get A Humorous Cut To [Postcoital] Or A Scene Where They Arrive At Work Together Short Of Breath With Messy Hair  And Hickies And Winston’s Got A Hoodie W/ “Property Of Rian” On It Until He Goes "Oh Shit Woops” And Hands It To Her And She’s Like “Oh Btw You Forgot Your Glasses.....Uh You Left Them Here On Your Desk Yesterday I Mean Of Course” And Hands Them To Him And An Unnamed Character Stands Up And Asks “Daily Poll: Who Had Sex With A Coworker Last Night” And Rian And Winston Raise Their Hands Before Going “Oh Wait” And Lowering Them With A Shake Of The Head And A Nervous Cough and i’m exaggerating but you know, the equivalent of the billions writing saying “wwinnnk” at us. i am fine with them having an unsolemn like, quasi-rivals-to-lovers (or -And-lovers) dynamic, even with it being a bit messy in like, still an overall Fun way, where yknow it doesn’t have to be peak epic romance cuz a) that’s just Always true and yet it can still be overall an okay thing even if they don’t quite get it together / mostly just trade sparks and sometimes hook up and b) idk seems like mayybe rian’s character isn’t meant to go beyond this season, so, an inherent limit there if true

i’m like Apologetic for being like “already i like their dynamic even as Romantique and it’s kinda cute and fun and i’m willing to continue to be engaged w/ this as long as the writing doesn’t completely fuck it up” lmao like, i guess i Did inadvertently give myself time to prepare for this exact eventuality b/c of wondering if this exact character would have A Thing w/ winston whenever she showed up and even if i was like “haha the character could show up Anywhere and do Anything and what are the odds, right” i was also like “hmm but i’m going to really think about it though” like, as always, didn’t think i was cassandraing that hard, but truly did do it 4x03 style where everyone else can be like “you never [made the text post or gave any indication you were thinking about “what if whoever she plays and winston have some kind of romance thing going on”]” and i can go “i only thought it but didn’t say it....doesn’t count” but well. i did think it lmao and why would i make it up.......sorry i had such a head start on Getting More Used To This Notion.......some crimes can never be forgiven.meme.......

anyways natch “intense horrible passionate” seems a little foreboding but maybe she was talking about it relative to [any Normal show] rather than the standards we’re used to on billions, where this was all but a Meet Cute, and a kind of quasi coworker rivalry where nobody’s taking it *that* deeply seriously and they also seem to mutually like each other by the end of 5x05 already so how not-amicable can it get. and re: Intense like, maybe the writing in future episodes will totally upend this, but i’d say rian and winston in 5x05, even when “clashing,” was like damn near laidback and chill. neither of them seem at all that pressed, but maybe even a sorta-playful Friendly Rivalry is more “intense” than, say, a dynamic that involves no rivalry at all. imo “Passionate” is just like, okay, so they’ll fuck or at least make out? sure. not sure what to make of “horrible” lmfao maybe again it’s addressing like “this is a lil messy and they’re kinda rivals!!!” like, certainly not an ideal start, except by billions standards it IS weirdly great. rian seeming good-naturedly amused by winston is something we didn’t get from his longtime-coworkers until like, now, sort of, and still not to the degree that anyone has smiled at him as many times as rian did in like that course of [1 min long First Scene Together] wherein also winston always gets off to a way worse start with people lmao............like everything about this seems Way Better And More Dialed Back And Grounded than usual, actually. but it’s that like, point of reference of “what’s Usual for winston and, more broadly, Billions” that maybe explains this weirdly strong language when all in 5x05 seemed chill actually

anyways like i said Sorry For Already Liking Rian/Winston This Much with my head start and all where like, i’m even tentatively looking forward to seeing where this goes, by “tentative” i also mean going [”i’ll kill you” the office.jpg] at billions where i am fully aware that maybe where this goes *is* a mess and not in like, just kind of a fun, non-melodramatic, not-treated-like-a-total-joke-but-also-not-that-big-a-deal way, where 5x05 could seem like Those Halcyon Days b/c everything from here out just devolves into an unappealing disaster.......but this is an unexpectedly solid start imo and like. even if this doesn’t become like this epic romance where they officially date and if rian does eventually depart the show by the end of the season, it can still just be Enjoyable and Fun for the characters and, god forbid, the viewers, where like, you don’t have to demand we be desperately invested with our entire life in this deadly serious heartwrenching epic romance, they can just kind of mess around and enjoy having a mutual attraction w/ this mathy rivalry and etc and it’s neither a tragedy of “the greatest love story of all time torn asunder” Or, truly god forbid,” this is a Whole Mess In A Bad Way b/c winston’s involved and ugh who could Really like him, being at all romantically entangled is an embarrassing mistake surely, ew cringe we hate him............like, cautiously optimistic in how like i always say that a Romantic Arc is just an easy/efficient way to develop both characters and it could certainly humanize winston an ounce in a show that treats him more like a walking algorithmic plot device and the thoughts of any viewers but us are limited to “winston annoying” basically........the show doesn’t seem to treat rian as a joke, so it seems possible that their mutual Romance in whatever way it unfolds could also be Not A Joke, which means winston’s part in it isn’t a joke, so that’s Some aspect of him for people to take seriously, for once..........like, the way his apparently-already-official crush played out in 5x05 *was* funny but it also didn’t seem like oh it’s a joke b/c his feelings are a total joke......it might seem that way if this *was* totally unrequited and going nowhere, but i somewhat get the sense that the interest is mutual even by the end of the ep, that didn’t strike me as a “shove off, it could Never Happen” shutdown from rian there, just like, hold off on that for rn maybe cue to rein it in a little, not just yet........anyways lmao i’m like “oh yeah i started this post about the baffling ex machina thing” but yeah the point is i think so far it’s pretty solid and i like it and am cautiously but [relative-to-billions level of Hopeful] about whatever developments we’re surely gonna get b/c it def sounds like this has Not ended with 5x05, but seriously @ billions i swear to god. yes so far the approach to winston’s crush here and even their unfolding mutual dynamique and dare i say, romantic interest, is being handled with an encouraging level of “this is Humorous but the characters / their feelings are not what’s being treated as A Total Joke or anything,” but who knows what will come next, this is billions and you can’t predict anything. fingers crossed about it all, though

[bastionkeeper]

Idk if you’d be interested but I absolutely die for 10 meeting Crowley somewhere in history and having a fun lil mix up with the trouble they’re both in

Anonymous said: Can I get some fuckin uhhhh Donna content? If you want!

I’m so sorry this took a million years and came out totally different, shorter, and probably less good than expected asdflkja it’s been a long bit of getting back to school, working in preparation for the festival that’s gonna kill me this weekend, and the big sad writer’s block, I decided to just post it now while I have SOMETHING at least

"I promise this is going to make up for that whole mess with the novasquid."

"It better, my hair still smells like calamari and I've showered four times now."

The sound of fond bickering often filled the TARDIS, though the incident with the novasquid had, indeed, increased the usual amount of bickering quite a bit. 

"Look, 3308, Mars, the nightlife is incredible," The Doctor assured Donna. "I once spent a night there, don't remember a thing, might have gotten married or… divorced, anyway…"

"I can't believe it, we're going clubbing," Donna laughed.

"Well, yeah, but on Mars," the Doctor emphasized, hoping for the usual human wonder at travel in time and space.

"You gonna go dressed like that? All suit and teacher glasses?" 

"You're one to talk, showing up to a 3308 club dressed like it's 2007," the Doctor said, grinning and raising a critical eyebrow.

He threw a lever and flipped a switch, and the TARDIS stopped groaning and shaking as they landed.

"Alright, Mars," Donna said, dramatically tossing her hair. "Lock up your husbands."

"Right…" the Doctor raised an eyebrow and headed for the door, grabbing his coat on the way.

The door opened and Donna and the Doctor stepped out…

...onto a London street.

"Mars, right?" Donna huffed. "You need to fix that GPS. Are we at least in the future?"

"Uh…" the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver and took readings only he could read from a device with neither screen nor speaker. "Depends… we're either somewhere in the nineties or 2019…"

"How can it be either the nineties or 2019?" Donna asked. 

"This is really strange…"

"No stranger than usual, you promising a vacation and us ending up in the wrong part of the universe."

"No, I mean…" the Doctor looked at the sonic with a frown. "These readings for Earth are all… well… it's saying it's only about six thousand years old."

"So it's busted then," Donna said. 

"Maybe…" the Doctor pocketed the sonic and looked around. "Well, so long as we're here."

"Oh no," Donna sighed. "No, don't get distracted. Let's get back in the TARDIS and go to Mars."

"Look! An old bookshop!" The Doctor beamed, pointing out the building. "Love an old bookshop, let's take a peek."

"Oh no," Donna groaned, as the Doctor grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the shop labeled: A.Z. FELL.

"Your orchid is getting lazy."

Aziraphale looked up from his book to where Crowley was examining a flower, one he'd brought to the bookshop as a gift a month ago.

"Maybe it's just enjoying a quiet moment away from all the yelling," Aziraphale said coyly, returning to his book. 

The bell at the door rang as a pair of customers entered, and neither demon nor angel took notice. 

"Sure, let it go soft," Crowley scoffed. 

"As if you don't like soft," Aziraphale shot back, not looking up from his book.

Crowley made a big show of snarling like he was offended as he wrapped his arms around Aziraphale's waist and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Don't you have things to do today? Besides harass the orchid?" Aziraphale asked.

"Yeah, but I'll be back for it," Crowley said with a wink. "You enjoy chasing people off all day."

Aziraphale waved him off, and for a split second two non-humans with remarkably similar faces passed by each other without noticing.

Then Crowley left the shop.

"Are you done yet?" Donna sighed, leaning heavily on a bookshelf. The Doctor was nose deep in a book, and had been for about an hour. Not the same book, no, he kept poking around in books and peeking around the bookshop much to the owner's dismay. Donna suspected if it weren't for the other customers that he'd have personally chased them off long ago.

"Something's very strange about all this," the Doctor said, not looking up. 

"Yeah, strange how you promised me adventure and now we're standing around looking at antique books," Donna said. "I think you do this on purpose."

"I wish I could claim that," the Doctor chuckled. "Nope, all accident."

"Well so long as you're reading, I'm going to go find something to do," Donna said. "You know, while you gather dust."

The Doctor waved her off and she stuck her tongue out at him, before heading for the door. 

The Doctor was reading Hamlet or rather he was sort of reading it, because it was just a little different from what he remembered. 

For starters it was completely dull, not at all the play remembered by the ages. Second of all the publishing date was definitely not the correct one, and yet he was certain this was an original copy. An original copy somehow lovingly maintained without a temperature controlled room or protective case, just placed on a bookshelf surrounded by several other well loved books.

"Oh, you don't want that one."

The Doctor looked up at the voice, the owner had left his post and come over to him. Aziraphale hadn't seen the customer's face yet, only seen his back as he pursued for far too long with too much interest. Another collector, probably, hard to shake.

"Oh?" The Doctor asked, turning to face Aziraphale. "Why not?"

For a moment surprise spread over Aziraphale's face, and then confusion.

"Wait… but…" he squinted. "Crowley, are you playing some kind of trick?"

"Uh, no, no tricks here," the Doctor said with an equally confused look and a friendly shrug. "Sorry, what did you call me?"

"Oh stop it," Aziraphale huffed. "You've barely even shapeshifted, are you trying to be funny?"

"Well now that's just rude," the Doctor said. "I'm very different now, got all long and grew my hair out, and the ears are totally different."

"Ears?" Aziraphale asked, bewildered.

"Do you know me?" The Doctor asked curiously.

"I should say so I…" Aziraphale paused. "... or maybe I don't. You don't feel… demonic. Are you not Crowley?"

"I'm the Doctor," he replied. "And I'm not a demon, sorry."

"That's bizarre." Aziraphale gaped. "You look just like him…"

"You did say demon, right?" The Doctor asked, and Aziraphale blanched.

"Did I?" He asked casually.

"Oh, don't get secretive now," the Doctor chuckled. "Would it help if I said I was an alien? I show you mine you show me… well, you get it." He pulled a face at his own choice of words.

"That's impossible," Aziraphale laughed. "She hasn't started work on the other worlds yet."

"She?"

"Nothing you need to worry about," Aziraphale said finally.

"Why didn't you want me to buy this book?" The Doctor asked. "And why's it all wrong? It's Hamlet but it's garbage, Hamlet's not garbage."

"That's the pre-edited copy," Aziraphale said smugly. 

"What edits are those?"

"The important ones." Aziraphale looked impatient now. "Who are you, really?"

"I told you, I'm the Doctor, I'm a time lord, I'm not from around here."

"Time lord? Sounds a bit pompous…"

"So does claiming intimate knowledge of the writing of Hamlet, but I think maybe we've both got the right," the Doctor said, eyes burning with interest. "Were you there? When it was written?"

"Were you?" Aziraphale countered.

"I was."

"Well I certainly don't remember you."

The Doctor looked triumphant at having gotten a confession that might help him puzzle out the situation, and Aziraphale sighed.

"Alright, which office sent you?"

"What offices?" The Doctor asked.

"Heaven! Hell! What "department" are you?" Aziraphale pushed. 

"Neither, and what exactly are you?"

"I am an angel," Aziraphale said defensively. "And I am very confused."

"Confused isn't so bad, confused means you get to figure something out," the Doctor said. "Tell you what, you tell me about Heaven, Hell, and Hamlet and maybe we can figure this out."

Aziraphale sighed and gestured to the back room, miracling on some tea. "Might as well. This way."

Donna was just starting to get bored when she saw him, crossing the street just a bit away. She chased after him, shouting when he didn't stop for her.

"Hey! Spaceman! You gone deaf and blind?" She huffed, grabbing Crowley by the arm and surprising him considerably. "You finally done with that bookshop then?"

"I… what?" Crowley asked.

"What have you done to your hair?" Donna asked. "And your…" she gestured broadly to all of him. "... all that."

"Well, nothing recently, bout time for a change," Crowley said. "Do I know you?"

"Haha, very funny." Donna rolled her eyes. "Can we go now?"

"Seriously, who are you?" Crowley asked.

"Oh God, I know what this is," Donna sighed in exasperation. "Martha told me about this, you got a pocket watch on you then?"

"Why would I have a pocket watch? What year do you think it is?" Crowley scoffed. 

"C'mon, it's not funny," Donna said. "Just hurry up and-"

Crowley snapped, trying to put the woman in a trance so he could get some answers out of her.

But Donna Noble was not so easily tranced.

"Are you snapping at me?" She shouted, putting her hands on her hips.

"Nngk!" Crowley choked, startled into backing up, arms pinwheeling comically.

"Something happened to you at that bookstore, is that it?" She said. "Right, we're going back, I'll not have you walking around looking like Mr. Goth Fashion and snapping at me."

"I'm… sorry?" Crowley spluttered, finding himself being dragged along. Oh well, she was headed towards Aziraphale's anyway, at least he'd have backup.

Crowley and Donna entered the bookshop just as Aziraphale and the Doctor had decided to go looking for them. There was a minute of Donna, Aziraphale, and the Doctor gaping in confusion at the demonic and alien doppelganger situation, before Crowley broke the silence.

"YOU!" he accused. "Of course it's you!"

"So you know me?" The Doctor asked.

"And you don't know me yet? Great," Crowley huffed. "You made a real mess of the thirties, you know that?"

"Not yet I haven't," the Doctor said, sounding offended.

"So you know him, Crowley?" Aziraphale asked.

"Yeah, he's the idiot with my face who always got me blamed for everything," Crowley said. "Trying to get back to his own universe, is this day one then?"

"What. The hell. Is going on?" Donna asked.

"Funny you should mention hell," the Doctor chuckled. "You know I met Satan once."

"Twice," Crowley corrected him. "Look forward to it. That one actually did me a favor, I was employee of the month."

"No one's answered me," Donna pointed out.

"You and your alien boyfriend are about to time travel through our world till you find a way back to yours, that's what's going on," Crowley said.

"Not my boyfriend," Donna said just as the Doctor said "I'm not her boyfriend."

"And Mr. Fell and his friend here are an angel and a demon," the Doctor added.

"We're not friends," Aziraphale said, just as Crowley corrected him to "partner."

"No way," Donna said.

"I assure you, miss," Aziraphale said. "Very much 'way.'"

"Satan, you're so embarrassing," Crowley chuckled.

"You know, normally I've seen a face before I steal it," the Doctor said.

"Likewise," Crowley said. "But I've got a few thousand years on you so I can say for sure She didn't copy paste me."

“Copy paste?” the Doctor asked, offended.

“Regardless, it seems we’ve sorted things out,” Aziraphale said. “Though I must admit , knowing you really are a time traveling alien from another dimension opens up so many questions…” his eyes glittered with that familiar look he got when discovering a new and fascinating book. “I have questions,” he said, taking the Doctor by the arm and leading him to the back room where he’d ply him for stories with refreshments and stories of his own.

“I’ll just be a minute, Donna,” the Doctor called over his shoulder.

“Yeah, that’s what he said last time,” Donna sighed.

“We’ll be lucky to see them sometime this century,” Crowley sighed along with her. “I’m going to have to dust him off again.”

“Whatchu say we leave them and go get some drinks?” Donna suggested.

“Told you, he’s my partner… thing,” Crowley said awkwardly, as Donna rolled her eyes.

“Don’t flatter yourself, hellboy, you’re all bones and sunglasses,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “C’mon, I want to know which of my friends are going to hell.”

[rogers-sweatbands]

what hogwarts houses the members of queen are in

A/N: oops this contains some hot takes (in my opinion) but this is what i wholeheartedly believe. enjoy !!!!!!!!!

Freddie: Gryffindor

okay this mans is 100% a gryffindor

like this should not be a surprise to anyone

first off, we all know that harry potter is 100% problematic and loses house points for them all the time

now imagine freddie

he would totally make gryffindor lose points on a daily basis just because he was being himself

gryffindors are also judgemental

and freddie is the king of the judgmental face

we all know this

it takes approximately three (3) minutes hanging out with a gryffindor before you get into some ~*trouble*~

freddie’s parties were def the same way, y’all

3 min in ?????? things got fucking insane

it’s hard to admit this, but without gryffindor, there wouldn’t be much of a story for hogwarts

because not much shit would go down

and hogwarts would be a whole lot safer

and the same is true for queen

like, without freddie, queen wouldn’t have much of a story either !!

moving into gryffindor qualities:

brave-

this honestly doesn’t need much of an explanation

an lgbtq+ icon

went through AIDS during the 80s (such a scary time)

did not give a single fuck about what anyone thought of him

is the actual definition of bravery

loyal-

not to be dramatic, but freddie would have died for any of the other boys

he loved them so fucking much

i hope they know that oof

although he had his moments, freddie was so loyal to all the guys and was/is so fucking amazing ugh

wise-

because of his life experience and different outlook on life, i feel like that made freddie so wise

he had all of these different perspectives compared to a lot of other people

and he would showcase these perspectives in his music

freddie was just so fucking amazing, my heart

i think freddie is muggle born

and he owns it !!!!

he is so proud of his heritage but is also so into the fact that he’s a wizard

freddie is the cutest gryffindor ever awwww

plus he’d look amazing in scarlet and gold

Brian: Ravenclaw

this choice should come as no surprise as brian harold may is a true and true ravenclaw

we’re going to start off with how ravenclaws are all so goddamn cool and intelligent ????? like wow, no one can top that shit

brian may is literally a rockstar and astrophysicist and that’s some hardcore ravenclaw energy right there

ravenclaws are also so hardcore interested in the universe

they nut for philosophical conversations and that sort of shit

look at luna lovegood for example

this girl always had the coolest and most interesting shit to say

she is also so fucking smart and no one really believed it for a hot minute and that makes me so angry

ravenclaws also have the ability to see past the surface of what’s in front of them

brian totally has the ability to see past the front that someone has so carefully put up and would get to know you for who you are

also, he looked up at the stars one day and saw them for so much more than glittery things in the sky

it sparked such a passion in him

ravenclaws also take friendship so fucking seriously

friendships are cherished so much within ravenclaw, sometimes even more than their cleverness

bringing up my girl luna again

we find out in deathly hallows that luna literally had decorated her room with portraits of her best friends in the entire world

and all of these paintings have a thin golden chain weaving around them to connect them that literally reads the words “friends” over and over

that’s some cute ass (and kind ass) shit right there

moving into ravenclaw qualities:

intelligence-

we all already know that this man is smart as shit

he has a fucking phd

(i’m repeating this for emphasis) a phd

in space dust !!!!!!!!!!

like this mans started his phd, went and became a member of one of the biggest bands of all time, and then literally went back and finished his phd

he is so smart it makes me want to cry

creativity-

what’s so amazing about bri’s creativity is that it all derives from how fucking smart he is

look at the songs he’s written... like, he’s a musical genius

and even on the songs he didn’t write, he was still super helpful with coming up with the guitar lines which is fucking sick as hell

they’re all so fucking good too

we stan a creative king

acceptance-

from a young age i think brian realized that his interests were probably a lot different than his peers

not only was he constantly thinking about the stars and what was going on in the universe, he also had such a passion for music

this prob led to him standing out from everyone else in a good way

and he had to come to terms with it 

but boy did he bc look at him now, that rockin’ space man

tbh i see brian being a half-blood

because he’d have understanding of both the wizard and muggle worlds

something that would benefit his intelligence even further

the tea is that brian may is such a perfect ravenclaw it makes my heart hurt

Roger: Gryffindor

ok so we are starting this out with the fact that roger meddows taylor is in no way a slytherin

he is a gryffindor in the same way the weasley twins are gryffindors

they’re all so fucking cheeky (sorry for using british slang as an american, we just don’t have a term to perfectly embody what they all are)

rog is chaotic in a gryffindor way and not in a slytherin way

gryffindors literally die if the attention isn’t on them and that’s just the tea

they are always constantly throwing themselves into shit they have no reason to be involved in

this boy would literally throw hissy fits all the damn time and that is true gryffindor energy

HE LOCKED HIMSELF IN A CUPBOARD BECAUSE HE DID NOT GET HIS WAY FOR FUCKS SAKE

in summary, roger meddows taylor invented being the boy in the cupboard before harry potter

gryffindors are also a bit arrogant about the fact that they’re gryffindors

sorry, it’s the truth

and roger literally lives up his own asshole

which is really hot but besides the point

they also think their opinion is best

always

we’re bringing up i'm in love with my car again because this boy would not fucking let it go

tbh he prob thought that song deserved song of the year... lbr

gryffindors break the rules all the god damn fucking time and always get away with it

literally rog with anything

that boy probably could have killed a man and everyone would’ve been like ????? did u see something ?????? he’s got all my uwus, that sweet lil murder baby

also gryffindors are hella hot headed

“he would fly off the handle all the time” -brian may

he would throw televisions out the window

the literal definition of hot headed

moving into gryffindor qualities:

brave-

this boy gave literally zero (0) fucks about what anyone thought of him

his friends used to call him rainbow and he WENT WITH IT

toxic masculinity in reference to his wardrobe ????? not here !!!!!!!!!!!!

loyal-

despite all the fights he’d get into with the boys, he loved them so fucking much and could never imagine himself without them right there

like yeah, they disagreed a lot

a lot, a lot

but they’d always come back together in the end

cunning-

FIRST OF ALL, ROGER TAYLOR IS SO FUCKING SMART AND FUCK ALL OF Y’ALL WHO MAKE HIM SEEM LIKE THE DUMB MEMBER OF THE BAND

because he isn’t

ok tea, to be cunning, you gotta be smart

also, he could be quite cunning with the ladies & we all know this

like damn, that man could say “butterbeer” into my ear and i would probably cum

also rog is def skillful and used his cunningness to get what he wanted in the end

i'm in love with my car being the b-side of bo rhap ???? yeah, he played the band like a fucking harp

i think rog would be a pure-blood

prob because he can be so cocky (and most pure-bloods are seriously so cocky about the fact that they’re pure-bloods)

even harry could get cocky about it sorry but it’s the truth

also rog looks like a lion and gryffindors literally nut about lions

John: Slytherin

i’m going to start this by saying i know this is a hot take but john being a slytherin is seriously one thing i hold so close to my fucking heart. don’t @ me

we’re going to start off with the fact that even when he had his soft™ moments, he still exudes chaotic energy 100000% of the time

john is the most chaotic member of the band and he knows it too

as a slytherin, i can honestly say that we are literally the most chaotic people in the world

slytherins also exude big dick energy 10000% of the time

john is the perfect representation of this

his bde is seriously off the charts, holy fuck

slytherins will push you to succeed

this is because we have so much confidence

sometimes our confidence is confused for cockiness though, not all confidence is cocky !!!!!

guess what ??? that confidence we possess goes toward other people too !!

john ????? yeah we all know how supportive he was towards the other boys

seriously wants nothing more than for them to succeed

he still is that way

moving into slytherin qualities:

resourcefulness- 

THIS MAN MADE HIS OWN FUCKING AMP?!?! LIKE, HE LITERALLY BUILT THAT SHIT ON HIS OWNNNN

he also loved to discuss how much he loves diy projects in written interviews (as a fun pastime of his)

lemme tell you, diy-ers are the most resourceful bitches ever

seriously, go speak to your local diy-er

they could probably make a refrigerator out of a toothpick, three thumbtacks, and a litter box

cunning- 

this mans was known as the “shy” and “more reserved” member of queen (which we have all learned isn’t the fucking case)

he literally let himself slip under the public radar despite having such chaotic energy

he ran with that shy boy™ title and played us for so long

not that i'm mad but like, damn boi

ambition- 

this bitch literally got an honors degree in electronics while queen was recording a fucking album

he literally sat his FINAL EXAMINATIONS WHILE RECORDING A DAMN FUCKING ALBUM

sorry but if that ain’t ambition idk what is

it’s also hella sexy he did that oops

fraternity- 

john richard deacon, born the 19th of august 1951, embodies the definition of the word fraternity 

he loved each of the other members of queen with his whole fucking heart

the definition of fraternity is “the state or feeling of friendship and mutual support within a group” and john literally did that

the tea is that i think john would be a pure-blood

but he wouldn’t be a dick about it

but like, he’s definitely a pure-blood

and slytherins are most commonly pure-bloods

which sucks because muggle borns and half-bloods are dope af

also, john could be such a sneaky snake, don’t test me

plus, you can’t be that fucking kinky (ya know, freaky deaky if you will) and not be a slytherin

sorry, i don’t make the rules.

in summary, john is a slytherin. thank u for coming to my ted talk.