#bless you terry

[indigovigilance]

The Final Fifteen is about Terry Pratchett's Death

read on Ao3

The final fifteen is obviously a major plot point, and serves a role in a story that was written long before Terry Pratchett was ever diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. But the scene itself wasn’t written until just a few years ago, during the writing of Season 2. In fact, the scene came about during a park bench conversation between Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore.

Others have noted that the non-romantic kiss that signals the story moving into the third act is a Neil Gaiman staple. The function of such a kiss, from Gaiman’s perspective, is to communicate.

In 2023 we are seeing a lot of stories written by men, for men, about men who are best friends and discover that their friendship can go deeper than the norms of society would usually allow; that platonic and romantic love are not so far apart, and perhaps the better word for a relationship that can be described this way is intimacy.

Neil Gaiman has made it clear in interviews that his friendship with Terry Pratchett was deeply intimate. They began collaborating on what would become Good Omens in the 1980’s, endured a tumultuous experience together through the first publication, wherein Neil offered to martyr himself on behalf of Terry if the book failed, and then spent the better part of two decades touring the world, meeting the people who loved their work. Neil would even off-handedly remark that Terry’s fans were so cheerful, and Neil’s seemed like they were ready to kill themselves; wouldn’t it be nice if they got married? From the outside, it looks very much as if Terry was Aziraphale-coded, and Neil was Crowley-coded, working together in an unexpected partnership to make the world a little bit more tolerable for the humans inhabiting it. I am not conjecturing that Neil and Terry had romantic inclinations the way their fictional characters do, but I think it is fair to say that their opposites-attract intimacy became an important part of who each of them were.

In 2007 Terry Pratchett was diagnosed with posterior cortical atrophy, a rare form of Alzheimer’s. As the disease progressed, he began to lose himself, and knew that the person he used to be was slipping away. He wanted to end his life on his own terms, and die as himself, but England did not and still does not allow for voluntary euthanasia or assisted suicide. He advocated for the right to die but never achieved it, and ultimately succumbed to the disease in 2015. Neil Gaiman has spoken a lot on the topic of death, and one answer of his that resonated with me reads:

Mostly it feels terrible. It even feels terrible when it’s someone who has been in a lot of pain for a long time or has not really been there for a long time and you know that Death has in some ways been a blessing: suddenly you are mourning the whole person. 

It doesn’t get easier as you age. It gets stranger. The point where you realise how many people you used to know and like who aren’t there any longer, and you cannot talk to them or see them or laugh with them is painful in a way that I had never expected. The first time that someone you had a romantic relationship with dies and you realise that there had been moments both of you shared and now you are the sole custodian of those moments and one day you will be gone and they will be lost forever is peculiarly strange and hard. 

~~~

The entire show is seeded with references to Terry Pratchett, but the most important one is the one that’s missing. Neil Gaiman cameoed as a sleeping moviegoer in S1E4, but a long time ago, he and Terry had discussed cameoing as sushi restaurant-goers, because sushi was weirdly prominent in the book. That cameo would have been in S1E1. But when it came time to do it, Neil couldn’t. Not without Terry. 

Neil: I was gonna say our location is a Chinese restaurant we’d had turned into a sushi restaurant. So Terry and I, Terry Pratchett and I, had a standing… not even a standing joke, just a standing plan, that we were going to have sushi - there was going to be a scene in Good Omens where sushi was eaten and we were gonna be extras, we were gonna sit in the background, eating sushi while it was done. And I was so looking forward to this and, so I wrote this scene with it being sushi, even though Terry was gone, with that in mind and I thought: Oh, I’ll sit and I’ll eat lots of sushi as an extra, this will be my scene as an extra, I’ll just be in the background. And then, on the day, or a couple of days before, I realized that I couldn’t do it.

Douglas: You never told me this before either. I might have pushed you into doing it, had I known. I think you were right not to tell me.

Neil: I was keeping it to me self ‘cause I was always like: Oh, maybe I’ll be… this will be my cameo. And then I couldn’t. I was just so sad, ‘cause Terry wasn’t there. And it was probably the day that I missed Terry the most of all of the filming - it was just this one scene ‘cause it was written for Terry and all of the sushi meals we’d ever had and all of the strange way that sushi ran through Good Omens.

~~~

In the Final Fifteen, it is clear that Crowley and Aziraphale want to stay together. They love each other. They each know that the other loves them. There’s nothing that needs to be said, no convincing that their bond is true and real and precious.

But Aziraphale has to go to Heaven, and Crowley cannot follow him there.

I cannot speculate what it must have been like for Neil to endure losing a friend who, though I’m sure he desperately wanted to still be in his life, he also knew that life had become a burden to him, and grieved that Terry was not able to choose the time and manner of his departure from this Earth. This sort of complex grief, we fan-ficcers know, is the kind that is often best processed through story-telling. 

I think that what we see Crowley going through in the Final Fifteen, alongside its importance to the story arc of Good Omens overall, is Neil processing his grief at losing his friend Terry Pratchett, and even the kiss, that violent, terrible, awful kiss, was the symbolic representation of Neil saying goodbye.

[headcanonsandmore]

Me, opening "Maskerade": It's been a while since I read this so I imagine the jokes won't seem as funny this time around-

[Image description: "The Wind howled. The storm crackled on the mountains. Lightning prodded the crags like an old man trying to get an elusive blackberry pip out of his false teeth". End description]

[annaholak]

"No Gytha, you are not buying the gargoyle! You have enough garden gnomes already!!"

Inktober 2022 - Day 1: Gargoyle

[finniestoncrane]

Captain Boomerang for the character ask game. 2 15 and 23.

I had to.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

if you had asked me two weeks ago, i would have said "his general attitude" or "his nose" or "his blatantly obvious piss kink" or maybe even "his fuckin goober mutton chops"

but now? it's his canonically massive cock 🩵

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

riddlerang. RIDDLERANG. although now i like boomershark, i think they sleep together all snuggled up to stay safe u-u

23. Favorite picture of this character?

[yenforfairytales]

Wait, people hate the beige sports jacket and ascot??? Damn, that’s one of my favourite looks, Terry looks so tall, dark and handsome lol. I had no idea people were hating o_O

I knowww. I've seen comments over the years about that outfit being cheesy, or clashing, or even-- hideous. But personally I've always loved it. ;_;

Maybe it's just the unusual combination of colors but I find it very California tbh.

It's iconic now and as much a part of the movie as Daniel's lotus hachimaki is.

Like when I think of the ending of Karate Kid III and some of Terry's iconic dialogue, the outfit just goes hand-in-hand with those memories.

It's perfect. Serve, king

The outfit just adds a little something y'know?

I just wanna eat him up om nom nom

He's our vibrant, flamboyant, elegant, extravagant, decadent, hedonic, Joker-esque, toxic-waste billionaire and I wouldn't change a thing!

[thelastharbinger]

*growling, groveling, head banging, pumping raw, bloodied fists into tile floor, thrashing, foaming at the mouth*

DREAMERRRR, GROWING PAINNNN, SKIPPINGG STONNESSS, DEEEP DOWWNNN, BLUE SPRRRIIINGGG, HAPPILY EVER AFTER TO MEEEE BITCH!

TXT FVCK ME UPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[terrence-silver]

Imagine a super young beloved welcoming old man Terry home with a passionate kiss, then she pulls a pouty face. “Melinda didn’t clean the oven.” “Oh?” Terry frowns. “You should go look.” Beloved points to the stove. Terry does so and when he opens the glass door he sees a singular dinner roll that beloved set in the stove. He eventually catches on yk beloved’s “bun in the oven 🤰” joke so what does the new Papa’s reaction like? (First time parent hehe)

Funny how I imagine Terry would instantly know something peculiar's up, because his staff isn't sloppy. He knows this. He has never maintained a careless, sloppy staff that clocks out without doing their extremely well paid job. He vets them extensively and wishes to inspire devotion. Picks the best of the best --- or at least ones he has a personal bias and liking towards and who to an extent, seem to like him back; people work more effectively that way, turns out. He wants disciplined houseworkers that are professional and leave nothing to chance, especially where his most precious belongings are concerned, namely beloved and beloved's comfort. So, confusion sets in when beloved mentions Melinda, who's, lets say, a kitchen attendee we made up, who didn't clear the oven. No, no. Terry's staff is just as perfectionist and in control of their environment as he is. He'd stand there, nonchalantly, a wrapped oven-bun in his hand, hand in his pocket, setting down the meal on the table and giving it a speculative, inquisitive look that travels back to beloved. He almost semi-expected someone to have planted a ticking time bomb in there, which he doesn't comment on. His first impressions are often the darkest things.

Never exactly the best --- I assign that to trauma.

But, we've headcanoned before that Terry would notice beloved's impending early pregnancy way before beloved themselves does, purely on intuition and observation alone. All those trips to the bathroom. Strange food cravings. Sensitivity. The beginnings of swelling. Complaints of stomach acid and the discomfort that comes with it. Sore breasts. Of course Terry notices because Terry tends to spy and stalk and eavesdrop far too much not to (undoubtedly observes beloved's activities through camera feeds when they think they aren't watched and has that same staff rat them out to him on the regular --- that's the voyeur in him), and where sex is concerned, I imagine someone as control oriented as him wouldn't leave going raw to pure chance. If he wants a pregnancy, it'll happen and if he doesn't, it won't --- he's far too old and far too smart to knock someone up if he doesn't mean it. Turns out, it did happen and it is being announced to him just now when he was on the verge of phoning his major domo to phone his secretary to phone is junior secretary to phone Melinda and question her about the kitchen mess, except...Terry's large hand comes down on beloved's belly, resting his palm there, feeling it.

-"You shouldn't joke around with an old man."-

He might comment, in full seriousness.

Of course he knows.

His face softens infinitely and he's staring at that belly in wonder.

The contraceptives were ditched and he's been having beloved and consummating all of this as naturally as he could for months beforehand, but it has happened and his lips quirk up into a smile. Thing is, I'm convinced Terry's never really though he'll be a father, be married, have a meaningful romantic relationship outside of fickle adventures, or have a family in the classical sense; all his life was a pursuit of power. Reinvention. Then more power. Blending in. More reinvention. More power. Now, in his mature years, after years of empty relationships, conquests, playboying and fucking around, it felt right and he's very intentionally impregnated beloved feeling he wanted them to be his absolutely. Feeling he wanted someone entirely his. Finding he wants to live on. Leave them with a part of himself. Eternal, like a serpent biting its own tail. He silently shuts the door to the kitchen so they cannot be disturbed or seen, his demeanor dignified and he sinks to his knees in front of the dining table chair beloved's sitting on, a bit tense, and he embraces their knees, pulling their whole body and frame close, kissing their hands, in a perfect blend of possessiveness, odd tenderness, grimness and want. Mine, mine, mine, all mine, he thinks.

He kisses their tummy.

Their legs.

Their fingers.

Their mouth.

Their face.

Their shoulders.

Everything.

Terry could devour beloved from happiness.

He smiles, in all genuineness.

[writing-is-a-martial-art]

Hi bender

Your blorbos are traveling and there's storm. They have to stay the night together in whatever place of lodging exists in your world. What is the response of each blorbo?

Hello Sleepy !

I'm going to answer this for Broken Blessings, a WIP set in alt history urban fantasy 2000s (an introduction is coming soon I promise-). so the place they're at is most likely a hotel

Hey is some level of anxious because of the storm. He's not very good around loud noises and bright lights but he will dry his darndest to hide that, mostly by focusing on making sure everyone else is comfortable and settling in well.

Crow is tired from traveling and when she's tired she needs alone time so she will acquire a separate room, even if that involves throwing someone out. She won't be mean to the workers though, they don't get paid enough to have an entire Crow unleashed upon them.

This is Dusty's first time at a hotel and by the God that is them they'll enjoy all the aspects of it. She'll chat up everyone from workers to lodgers, somehow talk his way into having a free meal and an extra blanket. They don't really understand personal space so he'll probably try sharing a bed with Hey to keep their human safe, curling up like a cat and hissing at anyone who dares approach her favorite human.

Agent Falcon and Agent Owl, who are supposed to be Discreet and Secretive, will try to blend in as a couple on a honeymoon but will forget who's supposed to be crossdressing again and end up posing as Mr. and Mr. Fowl (this has happened before). They will attempt to figure out which room is closest to the one Dusty is staying in, hijinks ensue and they end up taking the VIP room Crow has set her mind to kicking the rich sweethearts out of.

Sleepy (the one named after you! His name is Terry but he goes by Sleepy a lot) would be glad to lie down and be unconscious for any amount of hours. He has insomnia and chronic pain and any amount of rest will not go unappreciated by him. However if he and Hey and Dusty are in the same room Dusty will certainly take it upon herself to prove how good they are at protecting their human and try to threaten Sleepy with horrors beyond his imagination. Sleepy is likely to fall asleep to the descriptions of what a deity scorned can unleash upon his mind and body but I don't think he minds. Or pays attention, really. Dusty thinks they're rivals until death but Sleepy hasn't really caught onto that yet.

Weed and Eddie, if they are traveling with the rest, are likely to ask for a separate room. Weed is more social than Crow but he's most comfortable in crowds of two people or less. Also they would feel more comfortable cuddling if they're alone, and Weed needs cuddles at all times always.

[a-man-for-hire-and-his-archives]

Another sexy, unbuttoned silk pajama shirt Luke Arnold reads A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett for First Page Pajama Party.

[millymoonstar]

mmmm, nothing like coffee to distract you from actually doing things like art

[songofwizardry]

they should invent a roomba that cleans whiteboards

[newnevermind-sanity]

I know I'm like 100 years late to SNK in any way shape or form but if something happens to Rock Howard I am going to kill everyone and then myself

[modernmanblues]

More Chicago!! today i’m celebrating my one year anniversary obsessing over these guys. Such a brilliant group and they really do put on the most spectacular shows!! They really do have a special place in my heart. My childhood band 💗

[neil-gaiman]

Hello!

I recently found myself in Portland, Oregon on business, so naturally I made a pilgrimage to that most blessed bookstore known as Powell's City of Books. I wandered from floor to floor, blissfully overwhelmed by the sheer volume of books there.

Suddenly, I turned a corner, and found myself face-to-face with a familiar figure, sketched on the surface of a stone pillar. I was curious if you might share the story of how this wonderful sketch came to be (if you feel so inclined).

Well, 24 years ago I was at Powell's for a signing. It was a very big signing (bigger, they told me, even than Martha Stewart's signing which was the signing they used to measure big signings by). And at the end of it I was asked to draw on a pillar, so I did. Soon after Terry Pratchett signed it too. Then came the perspex shield...

[qqueenofhades]

Good Omens Season 2: Some Thoughts (and also Screaming)

First, /screams

Second, obligatory disclaimer that this meta contains MAJOR SPOILERS for all six episodes. If you somehow have managed to remain virginally unspoiled, look away now, scroll past, or add "good omens s2" and "good omens spoilers" to your block list, as those are the tags I have been using for all posts and reblogs.

Third, /screams more

Okay okay okay. Deep breaths.

Anyway, so, uh, how about all that, huh? First, the good thing about the tone of the season overall was that it felt considerably darker and more adult, in a good way. We didn't have the precocious kiddies, the kitsch and literally-comphet Anathema and Newt, the so-clever narration, etc. All that was gone, which makes sense when you consider that a) the end of last season saw them reboot into an entirely new universe, and b) the fact that God has gone silent is, in fact, a major plot point for the season. We don't have Her slyly telling us the story, or indeed anything, and everyone is left to make their own judgments and take their own actions. Which, obviously, gets them into a lot of trouble, especially when Metatron (the Voice of God, aka someone acting in the belief that they're speaking for God and therefore doing terrible harm) swoops in with the ultimate buzzkill at the end of episode 6. But we'll get to that.

The downside was that the main, present-day plot (hiding Gabriel in the bookshop and trying to get Nina and Maggie to fall in love) was fairly thin, felt stretched out and at times weirdly paced, and otherwise existed mostly to get us to That Ending and the setup for season 3. But the ending was so damn good (if obviously, very painful) that I can't be TOO mad, not least because we spent six episodes with them just making absolutely no pretense about the whole thing being as incredibly homosexual as possible. I'll be honest: I did not think they were going to actually, explicitly go there. Neil Gaiman has been so consistent about "your interpretations are valid and you're welcome to read it however you want, but the only canon is what's on screen," which I think is frankly a good thing (not least since the Neil GAYman Cinematic Universe is consistently very, very good to us queers), that I just... didn't quite think they'd pull the trigger. Sir Terry is dead and can't have active input, this is based on a book published 30 years ago, maybe they didn't want to make it LIKE THAT... etc. I certainly hoped, but I didn't really think they would.

Uh. Well.

As I said in my various semi-coherent liveblog posts, I honestly don't think there was a single straight person in the entire season, among both major and background characters. Aziraphale/Crowley and Maggie/Nina are the obvious paralleling couples, but Beelzebub (using "they" pronouns and addressed as "Lord" despite presenting as femme/femme-adjacent) is clearly nonbinary and therefore also queer, and the countless gay/queer side characters were just /chefs kiss. From Job's son making a sassy pass at Aziraphale, to the random Scottish goon with Grindr on his phone (which he then gives to Aziraphale, because what is subtlety), to the interracial couple with the trans spouse at the Pride and Prejudice ball, there was just a lot of casual, unremarked, non-story-critical queer representation visible at every turn. It's like the NGCU saw the bigots wailing about Sandman season 1 being extremely gay and went CHALLENGE ACCEPTED, LET'S MAKE GOOD OMENS 2 EVEN MORE GAY.

God bless.

Obviously, Jon Hamm as Amnesia!Gabriel stole the show (he was SO fucking funny) and it was also incredibly fun to watch Miranda Richardson repurposed as a scheming demon. Nina Sosanya also reappeared as Nina the coffee shop owner, which leads us into the Maggie-and-Nina subplot. They're obviously, wildly, incredibly clearly an analogue for Aziraphale and Crowley themselves, but they're also each, crucially, a mix of both. On the surface, Maggie is Aziraphale: the plump, blonde, earnest, sweet-natured one owning a slightly dated book music shop and somewhat clueless about emotional nuances, while Nina is (also on the surface) Crowley, the hard-edged dark loner who doesn't want to open herself up to people or be spotted caring. But emotionally, Maggie is Crowley: the one openly pining, clearly besotted, only wanting to hang around their crush and do whatever they can to make themselves useful, while Nina is Aziraphale. Interested but reticent, attracted but conflicted, trapped in an abusive relationship with a demanding offscreen "lover" (Lindsay/Heaven) who tries to constantly control and shame them without ever offering much, if anything in return. By the end, they bring themselves around to what Maggie/Crowley are offering, but by then, well. We've got a lot more problems on our hands.

As I also said in my earlier posts, this entire thing has always been a metaphor for religion, queerness, and what religion -- especially abusive, fundamentalist, organized religion -- does to queer people, but they really cranked the FUCK out of that metaphor this season. Aziraphale is guilt-tripped, controlled, and shamed for his attraction to Crowley at every turn. He is torn between his imagined duty to Heaven, in all its ignorant, uncaring, bureaucratic, gratuitously cruel system that he still insists on seeing the best in because he can't bear the alternative, and the chaotic and sometimes grey but genuinely more good morality that Crowley offers him. (Can I just say, we were explicitly shown that the two of them together doing "just a little miracle" are more powerful than Heaven AND Hell combined.) And at the end, he's told that the only way he can be with Crowley -- what Metatron explicitly blackmails him with -- is if they both go back to heaven, submit themselves to the cruel system again and give up everything that has made them who they are: their home in London, their human friends, their reliance on each other, their independence, their own ways of doing things. You can be queer in this (religious) framework, but only the limited, watered-down, controlled, controllable, constantly-under-supervision kind of queer, which relies on both you and your lover "converting" back to the true faith. And if you don't cooperate, they will literally kidnap you, lie to you, manipulate you, take you from your soulmate, and force you right back into doing the one thing (destroying the world) that you never, ever wanted to do in the first place, because in their minds, that is still better than this. It's for your own good.

Ouch.

And the thing is: that's why the ending a) hits so hard and b) is so fucking painful, because of course Aziraphale agrees. He has no conception of being able to defy Heaven on his own; he has always, always needed Crowley for that. In the flashbacks, when Aziraphale is faced with an order from Heaven that he desperately does not want to carry out (such as letting all Job's children get killed), he still relies completely on Crowley to "outsmart the rules" and find a better way. Crowley is A Crafty Demon; that's what he does, and so Aziraphale rationalizes it to himself that therefore that must be fine. Even in season 1, when he really didn't want the Apocalypse to happen but initially thought it was his duty as a good Heaven footsoldier, he relied on Crowley to talk him out of it and allow him to do what he really wants instead. That's their whole dynamic in a nutshell, as exemplified in that scene in episode 2, where Crowley tempts Aziraphale with the "pleasures of the flesh" while sprawled on his back in Ravish Me mode like the giant walking gay disaster that he is. (Sorry, buddy. That beard. Can't do it.) Everything that Aziraphale's existence is, that makes him who he is, that he loves and cherishes the most (in this case, food and wine) comes from Crowley. Everything else is just background noise.

Throughout the season, what we see is Aziraphale increasingly coming around to the fantasy of being with Crowley. He's coy and flirty; he talks about "our car" and expects Crowley will let him (which he does); he wants to have a Jane Austen ball and for them to dance together (oh my heart); he even thinks, at the crucial moment, that the best way for them to be together is to go back to heaven just like they were in the beginning, once more perfect angels, as if those entire six thousand years of struggle and grief and pining and separation and falling didn't happen. And Crowley -- poor, poor, brave, devoted, heartbroken Crowley -- has just heard for the first time in said six thousand years that actually telling the person you love how you feel is an option. Maggie and Nina tell them point-blank that their whole stupid plan failed because people aren't chess pieces who can be moved and automatically achieve the desired result. And of course this gobsmacks the dearest and dumbest Ineffable Husbands, because they can't conceive of anything else. People are chess pieces in the Great War of Heaven and Hell; Aziraphale and Crowley themselves are chess pieces who have been desperately trying to get out of being moved by external forces, but that doesn't change the fact that that's what they are. They don't have volition or agency aside from that which they can sneak for themselves in brief and stolen moments. That's it.

Until, well. It's not it. They discover that this whole would-be war is actually an elaborate ruse to cover up another angel-demon romance, that of Gabriel and Beelzebub. (I'll be honest, I'm 99% sure they did this storyline because they saw the fans crackshipping them, but I appreciate a fictional narrative that values and incorporates its fans' input, rather than trying to constantly "trick" or "outsmart" them or "do what they don't expect.") And Gabriel and Beelzebub get to be together, but only by leaving their world forever. They have to desert their homes, their structures, even their own identities, and never return. And Crowley and Aziraphale are so rooted in their "precious, perfect, fragile" life in their little corner of Soho, with their bookshop and their Bentley and their dining at the Ritz (which they didn't get to do in the end because METATRON /shakes fist), that that just doesn't work. Neither of them can conceive of doing that. So Aziraphale thinks "go back to heaven and try to make the terrible system do some good and take what we can in terms of being together" and Crowley just... pours out his heart. He's ready to fucking propose. He barely stops himself from saying something to the effect of "I want to spend eternity with you." He begs, he pleads with Aziraphale to go away not in the literal sense, but the emotional/metaphysical: to finally break this toxic dependence on Heaven and tell them once and for all where to stick it. And because he is desperate to make Aziraphale understand, he finally throws all caution to the winds and recklessly, desperately, adoringly kisses him, the one thing he's wanted to do for ages and...

Gets. Shot. Down.

Ugghhhhh. I'm suffering all over again. Aziraphale wants him, hungers for it, for them, and yet he's been so abused and so conditioned by Heaven (he's still blithely repeating to Crowley's face that "Hell are the bad guys!") that he just cannot accept that kind of desperate, blind, limitless, lawless affection. He even forgives Crowley for this "transgression," just to really twist the knife, and Crowley just can't take it, can't face up to how terribly this has all gone up in flames, after he went to heaven trying to find the answer for Gabriel's situation. Gabriel, who he fucking hates. Gabriel, who tried to kill the angelic being he loves (and for which Crowley has transparently never forgiven him). And yet at one pouty puppy-eyed look from Aziraphale and a warning that whoever is harboring Gabriel might be in danger, Crowley leaps headlong into the Bentley again and rushes to the rescue while "Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy" is blaring. He stoutly protects Gabriel; he does a miracle to disguise him; he lets him have hot chocolate and stay in the bookshop; he guards him from the literal demonic horde outside. All because of Aziraphale. That's it. And then, it still doesn't work. Not only that, Gabriel's absence and decision to forego Armageddon gives Heaven the one tool they finally need to take Aziraphale away from him.

I repeat: Ugghhhhhhhh.

(In a good way. Ngl, I love this angst. This is the kind of angst my brain Thrives on, the Thematic Parallel Romantic Character Arc kind. Nom nom nom. But also: AGONY.)

I also need to talk about Aziraphale driving the Bentley, aside from the obvious metaphor of him being in Crowley's home while Crowley is in his. Last season, we had the "you go too fast for me, Crowley" scene with them sitting in said Bentley, which was Aziraphale saying he's not ready for a relationship. In this season, as noted above, we see Aziraphale increasingly embracing the potential fantasy of being with Crowley. But here's the catch: when he's in the Bentley this time, driving it, setting the pace, acclimating to the idea, he's driving his own idea of what the Bentley/his relationship with Crowley is. It's not the real thing. He plays classical music; he supplies himself sweets; he turns it yellow; he drives too slow. Crowley calls him in another old-married-couple snitfit to complain that Aziraphale's messed it up, but what Aziraphale has actually messed up (or will, by the end of the season) is far more consequential than just a car. He's changed the entire shape of their relationship to the one he thinks can make it work, and it just doesn't. It has to be them -- "we could have been... Us" -- or it's not even close to the truth. It's not worth their time.

I repeat: Ouch.

Speaking of the writers validating fan theories, I know we all picked up and screamed about on Crowley's idea of Peak Romance Guaranteed To Fall In Love being sheltering from rain and gazing into each other's eyes, which confirms that that poor bastard was indeed ass-over-teakettle gone as soon as he met Aziraphale (again) in Eden. I also need to talk about the 1941 redux, because wow. This time, the danger comes from Hell, which we see being its usual self: gleefully, pointlessly cruel, pettily backbiting, dirty, sniping, tedious, endless, determined to mindlessly destroy because They're The Bad Guys and they like it. So they blackmail, spy on, miracle-block, illicitly photograph, and try to prove that Aziraphale and Crowley are secretly a couple, right after Aziraphale himself has just had the Light From Heaven realization that he's in love (which we all also picked up on in s1). They're forcibly outing them (to speak of more Religious Queer Trauma) in order to break them up/get them into trouble with their authorities/families. Aziraphale and Crowley manage to escape it mostly by dumb luck, but Crowley having an altogether freakout, hands shaking, barely able to actually point the gun at Aziraphale even in the knowledge that it's supposed to be fake, is just... wow. He can't even fathom the idea of ever trying to destroy him in earnest, especially when he knows on some level that Aziraphale also finally just realized his own feelings. So I just need to --

/screams

Anyway, Aziraphale's entire arc this season is doing what he thinks is the right thing and then inadvertently causing harm and damage as a result. In the Edinburgh flashbacks (live slug reaction of me: SEAN BIGGERSTAFF???!!) he tries to stop Elspeth from stealing bodies and gets Morag killed and Crowley drinking the laudanum to save him (though that part with David Tennant just riffing left and right, using his natural Scottish accent, and being Tiny Crowley/Huge Crowley was hilarious). He invites his neighbors to a Pride and Prejudice ball and makes them all the target for demonic attack. And of course the Job episode: Aziraphale, horrified at Heaven's callous cruelty, desperate not to get Job's children killed, willing to go along with Crowley's tricks to save them somehow, tempted by Crowley to do the fucknasty with their angel bits eat some food and decide that he likes it. As mentioned, the whole thing about God being silent this season is a major thematic choice. The only time we see/hear God is Her communing with Job from afar. Aziraphale enviously imagines the answers he must be getting (he's not, he's baffled and perplexed), while Crowley longs beyond words to even have the opportunity to ask the question: why? Why do this? Why is this your plan?

And of course, this absence culminates in the Metatron, the Voice of God, the person arrogantly claiming that they're speaking for God and know exactly what Heaven wants, being able to seize Aziraphale by the short hairs and absolutely fuck him over. Gabriel is gone/decommissioned/eloping with Beelzebub, so Heaven needs a Supreme Leader (God apparently is no longer a factor in the equation). And what this Supreme Leader needs to do is finally unleash the Apocalypse that Gabriel decided to pass on (the Second Coming). Aziraphale needs to be punished, taken away from Crowley's influence/love, and put back under Heaven's explicit control, so Metatron spots a great opportunity to do all three at once. It's not an accident that the exact tool he uses to get Aziraphale to agree is "now you can actually be with Crowley!" Aziraphale and Crowley have been trying so hard to hide out from their respective Head Offices, but now all at once, there's this seemingly miraculous opportunity for them not to have to do that anymore! They can be together! They can be sanctioned by Heaven! They can give up all this hiding and sneaking around and lying! Isn't that better?

... As long as, of course, they give up absolutely everything that makes them who they are. No big deal. Minor catch. Probably nothing.

Metatron doesn't let Aziraphale have time to escape, or think it over, or reflect, or anything. He pressures Aziraphale to come with him immediately, or be once more subject to Heaven's implicit wrath/destruction/judgment. Believe me, Aziraphale already KNOWS he's made a huge mistake, as soon as he hears what Metatron really wants: bringing him back to unleash the Apocalypse that Aziraphale and Crowley have given up literally everything to prevent. He doesn't need time to reflect. By the time my man is in that elevator, he's well aware of what a catastrophic misjudgment he's made, and yet --

Aziraphale needs this. He has, as noted, literally always relied on Crowley outsmarting Heaven's cruel orders in order to prevent himself from having to do them. He's relied on Crowley rescuing him ("rescuing me makes him so happy," WELL BUB, IT'S BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS NEED IT). He admits to Crowley's face that "I need you!" He hates Heaven's sadistic meanness, but he has absolutely no framework, in and of himself, to defy it. When the rubber hits the road, he will crumple and try to go along with it, and now he's been put in a position where he's going to have to stand up, defy Heaven, and make the break once and for all BY HIMSELF. He doesn't have Crowley around to do it for him, he has no support, he is going to arrive in Heaven and be shuttled straight off to the Apocalypse 2.0 War Room. The only way he gets out of this is if he actively stands up, if he chooses himself and Crowley and their life, and he has to.

The thing is:

Aziraphale has lived his entire eternal existence Looking Up. Up is the direction of Goodness and Heaven. Up is where Angels go. Up is where Aziraphale comes from and where Demons and Hell are not. But now he's going Up, in a position to take over the whole shebang, and it's the last thing he wants.

So he's going to have to come back Down.

He's going to have to Fall. He's going to have to get back Below at all costs. He's going to have to finally, once and for all, understand what led Crowley to make the choice to leave Heaven and never come back. It's only then that they can possibly be together on any kind of conscious, equal, deliberate footing, claim their own agency, reject Heaven AND Hell, and try to really earn that South Downs cottage and that happy-ever-after, and it's gonna hurt so good.

Now if you will excuse me, /screams

[ineedaplacetostay]

After the last poll of Hot Ladies Round 1 dropped, I was curious about how many of them I voted in (245!) and thought of this. Dropping this with @hotvintagepoll’s blessing and lot of curiosity: