#blu medic is always insane and i love him

[diagnosed-anxiety-disorder]

Pootis Blu Medic my belov

reblogs appreciated 🙏🙏

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

not to flood your inbox but... what if the mercs found a freaking cat on the battlefield or base.... i saw that video of soldiers playing with a lil kitten... i gotta know what the boys (and also miss pauling) would do.... would it be an immediate ceasefire so all 16 grown men can play with a kitten... would they use a merc's room to house it.... its ligerallyy a kittycat omg ....

What Would The TF2 Mercs (+ Miss Pauling) Do If They Saw A Kitten Mid-Fight?

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Long title but cute idea!

Also never apologize for spamming my ask box, I love it, it helps distract me from the fact that I have no original ideas!

This is going to be a mix of on the battlefield and if they decide to keep the kitten!

Also rough because I only have a short blurb for the Blu team (sorry 😭)

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Red Team (+ Miss Pauling)

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Demo is the first one to see the kitten. I already headcanon that he has a cat he manages to hide from the other mercs, so he's ecstatic. Like eyes filled with joy, hopping up and down, and seeing kind of ecstatic. Immediately finds a way to get the others to stop fighting, if anyone dared to try and continue the fight he'd kill them immediately. Pets and comforts the poor cat because it's all scared :(

Engie is also very excited! He loves kittens, he would protect them with his life. He lays around and plays with the kitten once it's calmed down. Is already sketching out a cat tower and new room for the baby. Has made the executive decision that the Red team now has a team pet.

Heavy is right next to Engie, holding the kitten when Engie goes off to start sketching. Puts the cat on his lap and immediately almost starts sobbing when it curls up and starts trying to nap.

Medic comes over and I'm not going to lie this man is internally melting, it's adorable! But he's also slightly (insanely) worried because his birds always come first, and is always worried when anything threatens their safety. The other mercs eventually calm him down, swearing on their lives that his birds will be okay. He holds them to that, and eventually let's the other mercs keep it.

Scout is also a mix of super excited and sobbing "It's a fricken kitten! Look at it!" Definitely giving the kitten like a million kisses. Is acting so silly, and doesn't care. Booping it's little nose, slow blinking at it, showering it with love.

Sniper is indifferent at first until Scout steals his hat, turns it upside down, and drops the kitten in it. Then he has fucking heart eyes, a single tear running down his face from under his glasses. Turns away and just says fine to the idea of keeping it.

Spy is so against keeping the cat. It's going to be messy, it's going to be loud, and it's going to be expensive. No one else is going to take care of it. Classic dad does want a cat act. Guess who falls in love with the cat after one day?

Soldier is the most excited, hands down. Is so happy about the cat, it's so cute, it's so fluffy, it's just a baby! He's playing with the cat, giving it love, doing the most out of all of them. If the cat can't be found, you know he's with Soldier.

Pyro. Come on, of course, they're thrilled! Will let the cat crawl all around them, and also let it sleep on their gas mask. Just ugh, they're so cute together. Buys the cat little outfits and buys rainbow cat toys, dumps so much love, treats, and toys on this cat.

Ms. Pauling nearly tears down the door of the base after the match to come and see the cat. She is such a cat lady. She makes sure the cat is okay and even takes the cat to the vet to get all of it's vaccines and a microchip, ignoring Medic saying theirs no need, and claiming he can do it. Definitely began to visit the base more and more often, claiming she's only making sure they don't kill the poor thing.

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Blu Team

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I'll be honest, I don't think the Blu team would do well with having a cat. I headcanon these silly guys as dog people, they would probably be willing to give the cat over to the Red team for the benefit of the cat. They'd call off the match to keep it safe. All the mercs would sit and play, love, or cuddle with the cats with the Red mercs. Honestly, they enjoy the small break from fighting and just enjoy the time with a cat. Occasionally during a battle, they'll ask about the cat inbetween gunfire.

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I was going to work on this yesterday and then I slept instead 😭

I was up until like one writing the anime one but it was worth it to get it out, this one took me a hot minute too, but I kind of love how it turned out, I love cats and love the idea of the Red team being big babies for a kitten. Also! I love adding Ms. Pauling to things, she's such a silly too.

[horrorscoutblog]

hey mod here!!

scouts Ex-husband ( @tf2-nurse-is-dreaming )

thought I updated my scout just a bit due to him being a version of scout (I ain't that cannon so here this)

● medic made him a full guy, dna and all (no one knows how)

● has a fake left eye that moves due to muscles under the fake eye

● dosnt have the sex bomb tattoo but the band slipknot.

● sweet as hell. never flirted with miss Pauling (they are good friends tho)

● has been treated like a kid from 99% of the base (he is 29 and is enjoying the attention)

● the guy has sensory issues and dosnt know. so he cuts his hair the same way and when it hits his neck he gose insane because it itches

● he never drinks due to how he reverses backing a child like state and dosnt want his team to know

lore on why my scout is different than normal scout:

scout always knew something was wrong with him, he eat his scabs, drink his blood as a kid. what you thing was normal, but as a teen, he wanted to eat humans and he knew it was wrong so he hid it, from his mom, from his family. every partner he had, he ended up eating alive and running in hiding. till he got to red base, the blu corpes were easy to find at night do he eat those before miss Pauling burned them. he hid everything from people, till he met nurse, he knew nurse ate people and he felt like he found his soulmate. through out his limbs grew slowly as he was showing bit of his insane side hopeing that nurse will love him the same. but when the fight broke. . .his insane side snapped into place and made scout to how he really is like

since he ran away from the red base and is in new Zealand with Oliver, he has changed his name from Jeremy to jack

[paranoidginger]

A little bit of info about the Red and Blu teams in the Lab-rat series I'm doing, before I post the next chapter!! I'll be covering the current relevant characters, Medic, Heavy, and Spy!

Medic-

Red medic is about the same as the canon medic, although he is much more eager to go through with various forms of experimentation, and takes out a lot of anger on Bait up until he is rescued by the Blu team.

Blu medic, on the other hand, is not related to red, despite their physical similarities. His family had moved to the United States at some Point after world war one, and he was in college training to be a surgeon during the time of the second world war. He was chosen by Blutarch Mann for his ingenuity and excellence in his craft, even though he had ended up in an insane asylum in his late 30s. His first memories of joining his team was the rigorous combat training he had to endure. He's still not particularly good at hand to hand combat, but he can protect himself and others if need be. He can sometimes be caught speaking with someone who isn't actually there, but that usually only occurs when he is left alone for long periods. The Heavy of his team helps to keep him grounded and focused on reality, while also providing him with a loving partner.

Heavy-

Red Heavy is very much the same as canon heavy, although his relationship with the Red Medic is a bit rocky after the medic went too far with the experiments on his teammates.

Blu Heavy, who is named Nikolai, was a deserter of the Soviet army. He doesn't talk much about his past, but has always enjoyed cooking and hoped to be a chef one day as a child. When offered a job as a mercenary, he accepted, simply because it gave him a place to call home. He can often be caught either cooking or reading in his free time.

Spy-

Red Spy is mostly the same as canon Red Spy

Blu Spy is the twin of the Red Spy, although neither of them are aware of this fact. They were separated at birth, and just so happened to follow the same career path, although the Blu spy is significantly better at actually gathering information and intelligence to relay to his team, unlike his brother, who tends to be arrogant and violent when on the field. The Blu Spy is usually silent when not sharing information that he has gathered, and tends to be somewhat pessimistic. He is incredibly grateful to his medic for both preserving his body and managing to safely reattach his head to said body after weeks of trying to get him back from the opposing team. He tends to smoke less, although he will have a cigarette here or there, he prefers to indulge himself on a nice glass of wine in the evenings.

[pastel-medic]

I was always curious about this, since Ludwig and his brother are on different teams, does Ludwig actually ever have to fight his own sibling? I know his bro is a strict pacifist and will not fight BUT Ludwig is renounded for his... ruthlessness. I guess more morbid curiosity. Also has Ludwig actually gone after his own teammates for attacking his sibling on the battlefield? I was very curious how that dynamic worked especially how utterly protective he is over his bro. Which omfg his damn sweet of him!!! I love their sibling dynamic ❤️

I'm glad you remembered that Fritz is a pacifist!!! Yes when it comes down to it Ludwig oftentimes has to eliminate his brother off the field for the sake of their team's mission, but sometimes he'll fake it and let Fritz get away quietly. Usually the Administrator doesn't notice! He doesn't let his "morbid curiosity" override the fact that they are brothers

Regarding his teammates Ludwig does get pretty ticked if he sees any of them attempt to hurt Fritz in any way beyond just straight out sending him to respawn. He personally does not believe in torture on the field, though it's a different story when he's left to his own devices in his infirmary (he can do whatever insane experimentations he wants then). Franklin and Jeremy have both made the mistake of mortally injuring but not killing Fritz on the field once, and let's just say they both got an earful from their Medic afterwards :P

The only people who know that Ludwig goes easy on his brother are the Spies (yes including VLT Spy as he used to be the BLU Spy at one point), and that's mostly because their job requires sneaking around so they've seen the two interact before and choose to keep it secret

[literally-a-waffle-fry]

All because of a briefcase...(red oktoberfest/ heavy x medic fic)

(This is based on this post. Thanks for the idea! I had so much fun writing it!

My name is  François, more commonly known as ze Blu spy. One day, when I was tasked with infiltrating the Red team's base, I was captured by the old, psychopathic man that the Red team called their medic. His name is Dr. Ludwig, he is the one who caught me in their base. Once I was held captive by Ludwig, and their soldier Jane interrogated me, the doctor had cut my head off and used me in one of his sick experiments.

  And now? Here I am. my utterly, and unfortunately, my own defenseless head is lying on a shelf inside his fridge. And I'm still alive.

"Oh! Herr klein spy!~ it is time for your feeding!" Ludwig exclaimed as he opened the door to the fridge. He picked me up and I sighed in annoyance.

"Kill me." I say In desperation to be torn away from this cruel reality.

"Nein! Zhat would ruin zhis entire experiment! Besides, nobody at your base even misses you anyway!" the old man cooed as he held up a jar that had German writing. Due to me having some knowledge of German, I read that it was "beef and gravy baby food."

"Are jou ready to be fed, Herr spy?~" the doctor giggled as he shook the jar in my face.

"You wouldn't dare feed me that!" I spat in his face and grimaced.

The German man howled in laughter before he set me down onto his desk that was covered in stacks of neatly written notes and paperwork.

"But I really would!" Giggled the man as he popped open the jar. As he opened the jar, the disgusting smell had hit my senses, and I gagged. This made the man chuckle demonically as he grinned widely. The smile of the lunatic almost made me shiver in fear. I always hated doctors, especially the insane ones.

All of a sudden, the door to the infirmary opened. The teams heavy weapons specialist, Misha, had walked in and looked at Ludwig warmly as he waved before his eyes widened at the sight of my humiliating position.

"Ummm..." Misha faltered as he began questioning Ludwig.

"Oh meine Leibe! You couldn't have had better timing! Would you mind helping me with something?" Ludwig chirped as made pleading eyes with the large, Russian man.

"Da! I'm always happy to help doktor. What does Ludwig want help with?" Misha inquired as he walked towards where the Medic was standing.

Medic sat in his office chair and spun around, facing the Spy. He then stuck the spoon in the sustenance before waving the full spoon in my baclava covered face. "Here comes ze airplane!~" Ludwig wickedly smiled and almost made his voice sound completely saccharine. Almost as if he were actually a sweet loving mother who was feeding her beloved child.

I held my mouth as tightly as I could as the doctor almost jammed the spoon against my lips.

"Eat it! Eat it, you Dummkopf!" The medic almost screamed.

"Doktor, let me hold spy mouth open." Misha chuckled before he picked me up and smiled almost as sinisterly as Ludwig before forcefully opening my jaws. His grip was so tight that I was completely helpless, and my mouth was wide open. I almost gagged as the Medic slid the first spoonful into my mouth.

My eyes shut in disgust, and Misha had forced his hand over my mouth. I shivered lightly before swallowing the disgusting food.

"Good spy!~" Ludwig cooed in a revolting manner as he fed me another spoon. An then another. And another.

"Zhere! All done! Now, I can get to monitoring you and perform some more experiments! I wonder if you'd   Medic clapped and giddily grabbed his clipboard that had some sort of medical document. He began checking my headbase and nodding and murmuring his results lightly to himself.

"Doktor.." Misha had interrupted, causing Ludwig to turn toward his lover.

"Yes, my dear beärchen?" Medic cooed at his lover before Misha embraced him.

I rolled my eyes at the men. how could they dare do this in front of me! I'll make sure to backstab them harshly once I am released.

"I missed Doktor...has been so busy lately. Please take a break?" Misha pleaded with Ludwig. "I wanted to spend time with you, you haven't even been eating or sleeping recently doktor, that is not good." Misha whimpered as gave Ludwig a sad glance and Ludwig felt pity. Not pity for himself, but because his dear boyfriend was so concerned for him.

"I'm sorry Herr Misha...I've been so focused on zhis breakthrough for days now. But it's so interesting! Imagine the power I could have! The ability to keep anybody alive, especially without their head! It breaks all known science and!-"

"Doktor." Interrupted Misha. "You need break." The giant said sternly before grabbing the German roughly and slinging him over his shoulder.

"H-Heavy! Misha! Put me down zhis instant! Right now I tell you !" Ludwig yelped as he squirmed and thrashed, but he was no match for Misha's strength.

I laughed at the old man's yelling before he stared at me angrily.

"Stop laughing! Zhis isn't funny!" Ludwig scowled as he heard Misha laugh as well. "I mean it! Misha! I'll have your head next if you don't!-" Ludwig was cut off by Misha, who was now settling him on the couch in the Infirmary.

"Nyet. You know you never could. You love me too much." Misha teased, which resulted in Ludwig rolling his eyes. I also hissed in revoltion.

"Why don't you two just go ahead and make sweet love to each other while I'm here?" I say sarcastically.

"Oh! Zhat doesn't sound like a bad idea.." Ludwig glaces at Misha, who is now blushing. "Vhat happened? Are you too shy now?" Ludwig moved to whisper in his lovers' ears.

Misha must have heard enough when he pressed his lips to Ludwigs and grabbed his hand tightly.

"Nyet. I am never too shy for doktor." Misha purred as he began bludgeoning his partner with kisses, which made the other squeal in delight.

I wrinkle my face in disgust and attempt to shake my head.

"Stop it! Just put me back in ze damned fridge! I've had enough!" I scream.

"Really? Alright....back to your cage!" Medic laughs before he opens the fridge door and settles me next to a plated sandwich that had a note that said "Ludwig ♡"

"Vhat? Who put zhis here?" Ludwig glances at it confusedly before he realizes. "Bärchen? D-did you put this here?" Ludwig stuttered out of confusion and being flustered.

"Da! Is for you! Misha wants doktor to eat more, isn't healthy to skip meals." Misha responded. "Try it. It is good sandvich, not like kind we have in battle." Misha adds before he picks up the sandwich and holds it to his lover's lips. "Eat."

"Oh! Why danke Misha but!-" Ludwig stammered before the sandwich was shoved in front of his mouth. Ludwig took a bite and chewed.

"Oh...zat is actually very gut." Ludwig quietly whispered.

"Good. You finish sandwich. Then come with me. We will sleep together tonight. Will be warm and we can cuddle."

"Oh! Vell!-"

"Just close the door." I growled and eyed the heavy angrily.

The door slammed shut, almost making me fall off of the shelf as the fridge shook. I was now in my dark, cold prison. But it was much better than whatever hell I just had to witness.

[mistertf2xreaderfluffballcake]

Merc finding out that another merc also like their crush?maybe?❤️Btw your work is great!

Oh no. no-no-no. Our battle will be legendary! Damn. Lets get one thing clear, nope its a big fatass nope. Nope, they are not worthy. Also, I made sure it was the opposite team merc. To make this spicy. You guys are not prepared! *A lot of swearing a lot* *This not romantic really...just swearing... so yeah, you might be disappointed anon sorry...)*

~How the mercs are if their enemy team also has a crush on you~

Scout

He found out that the blu engi liked you. That little shorty? Really? HA! He stood no chance. He is an angry boy tho. Nope. He will screw with him so much (same with engi) He will always brag about how he is good and how blu engi is...less good. ''Hey! TOOTS! Did ye see that I just beat him so much I bet he will go back crying home to texas! HA!'' 24/7 insult time. He also cuts off him if he sees you talk to him. Oh! Hi, engi! Oh hi, sug- S/O THERE IS AN EMERGENCY!! Oh no, sorry engi! scout`s calling me. *engi smile with the most fake-ass smile ever* What is the emergency scout! I was talking to blu engi! Nothing. ...wtf

Soldier

The blu Demoman liked you. That drunk maggot!? He was unhappy. Very unhappy. Oh boy, you bet he will beat up him during battle! He will also be with you the whole time!!! Soldier, I am fine. NO! CUPCAKE THAT DRUNK MAGGOT COULD BE ANYWHERE. Blue demo is not a bad person you kno- *KABOOM* I am here s/o~! MAGGOT! They will fistfight ok? They both are pretty close in the strength you, but the important question is who is stronger and is worthy of cute little s/o?

Pyro

...um...um...Pryo is just a bit more clingy. Pyro found out how the blu pyro liked you...BURN EACH OTHER TO ASHES. TASTE THE RAINBOW! It is just fire everywhere. *Both pyro burning each other* I made cupcakes~! *stops* *happy pyro noise comes from both pyro*

Engineer

The other scout liked you. OH hell no. That tiny weak buddy boy!? Go back to mama! He will make his sentry especially target him. Was the sentry hitting demo a few moments ago? Welp is that thing now shooting scout from a far range at a much faster speed? That is weird... a bad sentry day I guess. He also chills with you a lot. Oh? Another discussion about your weapon? hmmm...I wonder why. Oh! Hi, sugar! :) Have a seat I just wanna have a quick chat about your weapon and how we can improve it. (it was not a quick chat it was a 2 hour long nice conversation it was good tho)

Heavy

The enemy scout likes you? That baby boy? He knew he shouldn't get mad over such a thing but...he just had to ok? He will destroy that tiny man. Was he trying to impress his crush? Oh, he is now on the floor dead. Oh hi heavy! Hi s/o, You having a good da- *hears enemy scout calling for you* Did you hear that? NO, Do you want to go to the base and have sandvich? sure!

Demoman

...the other soldier liked you. That loud rude idiot? (Pft...He has no chance. )I am now going to fistfight him so bye~! Cheer for me love~! He will spend more time with you. just always chilling with you. During the battle, he will blow up soldier so many times! *KABOOM* hehe, I got him...again! *hick* Did ya see that s/o! He just went boom ya know! All the other mercs are just watching two crackheads just beat each other to death, it`s like a movie! yey free movie.

Sniper

...The other spy liked you. Oh hell no. That sneaky bastard! He was really worried that you would fall for him, but you know what he had to be the big man. He *sign* only targets spy now. ONLY. He sees him, boom headshot! Oh, he was doing a neat magic trick to give you a flower? the flower is now gone oops I was aiming for his head. He will screw him off so much. It is insane. Whenever you are around he will be more clingy...he knows spy is watching. He will pat your head, have a hand around you, etc. (Haha, what ya gonna do bloody spy? Kill me in front of dear s/o hmmm? hahaha I hate you)

Medic

This boy is very very mad. Flirty medic mode: OFF ANGRY MEDIC: ON The...other sniper liked you. That disgusting unhygienic pissman!? He will be next to you ALL DAY LONG. GO ON SNIPER I KNOW YOU ARE WATCHING! WHAT ARE GONNA DO? THROW PISS AT ME? HA! This boy will also flirt with you more...in front of that damn sniper. Oh, his tower is behind me? dont care. flirt and make you blush. He is next to you during battle, healing you... I am fine medic you should heal others!! No its ok they could use the health kit. I can too you know????

Spy

The other spy liked you. That absolutely unprofessional piece of shit He was let`s say...unhappy. He actually felt loved around you! He WILL NOT allow some garbage spy to take you away from him. Spy fight all day long. BACKSTAB,BACKSTAB, BACKSTAB. Of course, you never saw it happen tho only a few know about this. They will always show how much a better spy they are. They are always gone as soon as the battle started, I wonder where they went... They will insult each other in french. So again...what are they saying hmmm a nice conversation? (nope) Instead of flirting he will show that he cares about you. Patting your head, giving you compliments, just spending with each other.

This was fun to write. Sometimes just take a break from cheesy, fluffy, all that stuff. Writing insult/crap is fun too you know. I am sorry anon this is probably what you didn't expect. It`s just my crackhead brain mode went on. Ok? Anyway, I hope you enjoy my random energy writing. Let me just go back to my cave and eat some rice crackers. I apologize for swearing so much um bye.

[hufflesocks]

Ok so here’s an au I thought of: Tf2 is just Miss Pauling’s daydream

Miss Pauling is the manager of one of Mann Co.’s (a big corporation that has its hands in many different things) construction firms. She also often acts as the personal assistant of one of the VPs Helen. Like in most of these types of au’s Miss Pauling’s life isn’t to exciting. She has a fairly normal and boring day job and often just wakes up, goes to work, goes home, and the goes to sleep. So she comes up with this daydream of her co-workers as mercenaries in order to help her cope with her fairly uneventful life.

The concept of the two teams comes from the fact that the construction firm that she over see’s is in an intense rivalry with one positioned nearby. Both are publicly known for their association with a specific color. Hence the formation of the RED and BLU teams.

She imagines her boss Helen as this cold and calculated Administrator who controls every little detail, due to how she controls everything from her position as VP. She also likes to imagine that the Administrator and Mann Co. own both mercenary teams due to a running joke at the firm. Some how both construction companies seem to do the same things at the exact same time, such as promotions. The public also views them as basically the same company just different colors. Therefore the firm that she manages often jokes that old man Hale secretly owns both and uses them to make money off of each other.

Saxton Hale becomes the way he is based on his jacked figure and bragging of all the insane things he’s done in his life, such as jumping out of a burning airplane. Everybody knows though that those are just exaggerations and that the only reason he is so ripped is due to some drug that he takes. Hence, the creation of Australium.

As for the mercenaries:

The annoying new intern that never shuts up, but somehow manages to get coffee ridiculously fast becomes the Scout

The older veteran who goes on and on about patriotism becomes the Soldier

The young person who has a childlike love for unicorns, is covered from head to toe in burn marks, and just seemed to appear one day(seriously nobody remembers hiring this kid),which causes people to bekind of weary of them becomes the Pyro

The man from Scotland who practically runs their demolitions department, but has a knack for getting drunk becomes the Demoman

The quiet Russian man who seems to be able to lift almost anything becomes the Heavy Weapons Guy

The southerner from a farm out in Texas who can fix any machine put in front of him becomes the Engineer with 11 phd’s

The eccentric man from Germany, who loves doves and is the only person there who knows basic first aid becomes the Medic

The quiet Australian who has amazing aim when it comes to trashketball, but always needs to use the restroom for some reason becomes the Sniper

The shady man that everyone knows basically nothing about including his purpose at the firm becomes the Spy

As for Miss Pauling she imagines herself to be this badass person who can handle any dire situation and is the one that the Administrator trusts to be in charge of all the Mercenaries. Essentially she imagines herself as everything she wishes she was

She even translates big events that happen to the company into her daydreams:

For example one time everyone got a memo saying they were going to be fired by the end of the weekend. However, it just turned out to be a draft email for if something bad with the firm were to occur that was accidentally sent by someone’s cat. Miss Pauling then reimagined this as the plot of Expiration Date

[fandomandangstlover]

CW : The Bones can be seen.

AU of an AU :] Original? AU!!

Ah'm pretty sure I made Texan here have a semi-important role in this AU...then again the Guardians are all Important so Whoops.

Oaky imma rumble about this AU under a Readmore. This one's O l d .

Hehehehwhhgshaa they <3

God I love this a lot.

@jrjeremy :)

Okay okay so

Original? BLU Engineer was an Alien that landed on Earth by accident and was found by the Wizard (Merasmus) after awhile (years). Blue still has no idea how Humans work. So Merasmus took awhile to learn and help the guy. After so they both lived together and the Wizard taught the Alien about Humans, Magic, Etc.

Now...Decay Time.

Original? RED Engineer, aka Dell Conagher, who is about 7 at the time, watched as their Father murdered their Mother, and watched as he buried her. The kid lived for only a few more months, which was filled with nothing but misery, they themselves were killed by him. They didn't stay dead long, as after a few more months, the Alien (BLU) found the kids body by smell, and for some reason took the poor boy and bought them to the Wizard...who rightfully freaked out. But either way, bought the boy back to life, but of course not without side affects.

No matter what Merasmus did, the kids body still decayed. Even when they're walking and fully conscious. They don't feel pain anymore, and some Medication don't work on them at all. So. The best that the two Inhumans could do was heal their body with whatever when they rot. Thankfully they only start rotting again after a few months after they were bought back/healed, so at least they have a timeframe!

So Dell basically was raised by Merasmus and the BLU Engineer. Trauma is still there tho. So. Mhm. The Alien took Dell's form when they were growing up though, kinda, of course they don't exactly like eachother but yes.

Merasmus is Dell's Dad and BLU is Dell's Brother :)

Soldier came into the picture at some point. Kinda became an Uncle/Grandpa to Dell, even though he's like...20+ by now or something. Time is fucked.

Mercenary job was taken up like Cannon, except BLU joined in and well, joined the BLU Team. Dell and Jane joined the RED Team together. Woo!!

But now Engie has to use the Dispenser every few Months to heal their Decay And Yeah Soon Enough Some Of The Team Will Find Out. Soldier already knows of course, just kept it a secret.

Child came into existence when they were resurrected, Trauma came into existence alongside Child, and Texan has always existed. Texan has seen most.

Child is a bit more quick to anger here, and nears the edge of Insanity more then Often. Trauma (I need a new name for this guy) is really just trying in this AU, being, well...the embodiment of Trauma. Texan Man is still. Texan. But have seen more shit.

Also yes Dell knows how to use Magic here Fuck You <3 /lh

Also also...Demo and Engie. 💞. /hj

That's all Bye.

[theyanderespecialist]

Base Yandere RED Medic Headcanons: You Can Trust Me ...I Am A Doctor

[Hello My Sexy Readers, I am here with a new chapter and this one is Base Yandere Headcanons for Red Medic please enjoy this!]

-Base Yandere Headcanons With RED Medic-

.He is A Chaotic Good.

.He yes lost his medical license

.And does surgery with the patient awake.

.But he is not evil.

.Also he is insane already as it is not much as Blu spy but still insane none the less.

.When he fell for you he was already mentally unstable so it did not take a lot for him to think that you were meant to be his.

.He fell for you hard.

.Though he is a bit old fashion in his choosing of a partner.

.He wants you close but at the same time he wants you safe.

.He wants it so you will not be caught up in war and be taken care of.

.But at the same time he wants to hold you in his arms all the time.

.He is torn with if he keeps you close or keeping you safe so he settles for keeping you close and as safe as he can.

.He gives you the surgery to be respawn as well so he does not have to worry about loosing you.

.He swears to keep you by his side as much as possible.

.Now he is old fashion with relationships but no matter your gender he would court you.

.In his own way.

.Giving you the heart of a BLU member.

.Or having the sever head of BLU Spy speak poetry to you.

.Yeah he does that.

.In his eyes it is the most romantic thing.

.When he does fully ask you to be his he is nervous but confident (dont ask me he is a nut job XD)

.If you say yes he is over the moon and the next thing you know you go from being courted to being engaged if not married.

.Life is short he does not want to waste a second.

.If you say no, well that is no good.

.He will have to show you that he loves you.

.Maybe him cutting off your leg and not letting you respawn for a week so he can show you how he will take care of you will help you learn that he does love you and he IS Good for you.

.If someone is to hit you or hit on you?

.Well they will either find their head in his freezer, be torture, or just plain dead.

.Or all three it really depends on what they do.

.He can be romantic in his own way.

.He is a more old fashion yandere but also a gentleman.

.So he would not rush into sex with you right away unless you wanted to.

.He respects your needs and he wants you to know he loves you

.He is also very smart so there is no fooling him he will know.

.He is also very helpful so he will always be there to help you, just he will never let you go or let you be with anyone else.

.Being with him is a bit of a risk and bit chaotic but he does care in his own bloody and crazy way.

.He kisses you deeply. "Trust me my dear, I am Your doctor~"

[YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS another chapter done, I hope you all enjoyed and stay sexy my friends!]

.

[camellia-salazar]

Well I know that you all don't mind me saying this but I too have a sort of AU for the Mercs on both teams that I've been wanting to get off my chest.

I call it (for now), Turbine AU.

Basically, I just like to think that there are different versions of each Merc in different maps. The ones that I thought of are in two maps (apparently). 2fort and Turbine.

I'm not gonna go use the whole lore behind it but I'll share with you the character traits they will be. For both RED and BLU.

Here we go.

RED:

Scout: Just like usual, loud, energetic, only less egocentric. Because he has another in his mind that he would be willing to fallow around. (BLU Sniper)

Soldier: A bit cocky, in your face kinda guy. Talks in grunts I guess (I don't think of him that much).

Pyro: Just like normal, childish, joyful, mostly to deaths. He would totally wear the unicorn mask.

Demoman: idk, I can't think of him. Just like soldier, I don't think of him so much. Only how he's more queer? I guess? Much more feminine, gay. He loves Soldier. That's about it. (Idk which soldier, possibly both? Idk.)

Heavy: The leader of the team, only a bit more vicious than the other team's heavy. Mostly seen as the big bad guy, idk why I think of that.

Engineer: Angry, bitter, kinda aggressive, he is one of those unthinkable characters, only a bit more interesting. Also him and both spies have a bit of history. (Mostly RED but I'm not so sure about BLU just yet)

Medic: Insane (more than normally a Medic would), kinda like the team's dog, he's animalistic. Kinda up there in the scary level with Heavy.

Sniper: one of the most friendly Mercs off of red. Probably is the most friendly accualy. He and BLU Engineer hang out all the time. At first he didn't trust him (because his team is badsh*t crazy) but he warmed up to him. (Spoilers?? Idk)

Spy: possibly the most interesting (I hope). Basically he doesn't know who he is, normally wears a Pyro disguise mask. He's the most ominous one in red. He's RED Scout's dad (of course), but only Engineer, Sniper, and Heavy know that. Spy doesn't tho. He did once but now.. eh.

Now for the BLU team

BLU:

Scout: Unlike every other Scout, this one accualy knows that his dad is Spy. He and Pyro are brothers (no explanation other than they just say so), so Spy thinks of him as his son too. Scout has a bit of a traumatic experience. Sometimes (if not most of the time) he goes crazy and gets into a killing spree. He isn't like most Scouts because of it. He is more jumpy and skittish. Scared most of the time. Except with BLU Spy, Pyro, and Engie.

Soldier: Unlike the other Soldier, this one is much more interesting. He and BLU Demoman are best friends (because why not?), and are usually together, even in battle. However, because of Demoman ending up down in the dumps all the time now, Soldier will do whatever it takes to protect his dear friend. Phisically and emotionally.

Pyro: They are a bit different than other Pyros, because he is more understanding to the world around him instead of seeing the world through Pyrovision. And like I said, He and Scout are bros. He gives hugs to Spy sometimes and hang out with Scout. He also had a huge friendship with BLU Medic. Then something happens.. that made Pyro sorta hate himself. (Idk just yet, all I know is that something bad happens to Medic)

Demoman: Like I said, he and Soldier are the best of friends, until he became depressed and didn't do much. Soldier gets angry at anyone that tries to step into his space and stuff. Idk.

Heavy: Unlike RED Heavy, this one is nicer. He of course, has Medic as his right hand man (just like RED, just to let you know). When tragity struck, Heavy was more focused on the war than anything. (Like these guys don't respond, c'mon.)

Engineer: the nicest individual in the war. Kind hearted to everyone. Has a bit of a soft spot for RED Sniper ☺️. His only problem is the fact that he's always sorry, even when he didn't do anything (wrong), he's helpful, but he doesn't think so. He's kinda insecure about himself. Smiles when he's sad.

Medic: Close on the kindness factor. Second in BLU, and second overall. Friends with Heavy and Pyro. Kinda sees Pyro as a son-ish (idk just yet about that). Not much to say but how he's part of the tragity. (Don't know what to make of him accualy)

Sniper: Quiet, don't talk much. Hates both Scouts because he fears them. He wouldn't have hated the RED Scout if 1: He isn't RED because let's face it, RED is crazy. 2: If BLU Scout didn't go crazy in the battlefield. 3: if Crazy BLU Scout didn't get all creepy with him in the first place. (Another reason why BLU Scout dislikes himself, not only is he a monster, but he is also hurting the man he lo-). So yeah, trust issues. (Why not?)

Spy: Friendliest. Spy. Ever. I'm not so sure about the Kindness Scale after the first three, but he would be somewhere higher than the middle. After telling Scout that he's his dad, he was just as afraid of rejection as any other Spy, only this time he's a bit braver?? Idk. He has some beef with the other team's Spy tho. And is quite fond of the other team's Scout. To the point of wanting to adopt him too. After all, he technically adopted BLU Pyro so why not? It's not like his actual father would care for him, right? He doesn't even know himself! So yeah, other than the thing I just thought up now, there wasn't anything to think about for him. Until now that is.

I hope you like the idea here. There's more to it, much more. Probably fanfiction material. Idk.

I even made a playlist of songs dedicated to this AU. I'll link it later.

[tf2-headcanons-and-stuff]

Do you have any Miss Pauling headcanons?

There are never enough Miss Pauling headcanons

Yes oh my god yes i need to write hcs for her-- This came at a great time because I was in the middle of writing Bidwell hcs (because I love that little twink <3) so hell yeah I'll write some for Pauling! Apologies in advance for this being so short;; If I can think of more I'll rb this and add more!

She finds herself going down the the RED and BLU bases more often then she wants to; like 85% of the time it's because someone triggered the alarm that the briefcase was stolen, only for it to be not stolen and they pulled the alarm to ask her a question about something, or just to see her

She spends her one, single day off alone. She likes to get comfy at home, have a good boo with her, and just read and relax. She always answers the phone in case one of the mercs need something

The one time she didn't answer the call, the BLU base almost burnt down to the ground

Sometimes she wants to punch the mercs. All of them, really. Except for Heavy or Engie, as they are the ones who aren't causing the messes (Scout, Pyro, Soldier, Demo, and Medic), or adding fuel to make everything even worse (Spy and Sniper) Though sometimes Engie does things that forces her to remember that yes, he is very much insane like the rest of the mercs

She's gotten pretty good at playing the piano in her opinion (Spy does not share the same opinion)

While she does not play favorites with the teams, she tells them that she does just because she knows that they'll bother her until she says that their team is better than the other one

She has many spare frames at home. There's like a 62% chance that her glasses will break when she goes down to the bases so she always needs backup glasses

While she hates working for the Administrator and just all the work that comes with it, seeing the mercs makes her job bearable and if it weren't for them she might've just try to leave (though I doubt that Administrator would allow that)

She and Scout actually become good friends after she explains that no, she is not attracted to him and will never in her life go out with him. Once he got over that they started to become friends

Tried her best to maintain only business relationships with the mercs, but now they're kinda like a second family to her

They all get in her nerves but she wouldn't trade them for anything in the world

[heckoffmate]

Top 10 Best TF2 Shorts

In ascending order:

(Note: I'm not certain with the decisions made when I composed this list, but I made it and I'll stick with it, because it I try to make it perfect it'll never get done.)

10) Meet the Demoman

Reason: Not very noteworthy at all. I can't think of a single quote I've ever recited. I know them, but they're not quotable. However, I enjoy the part where a grenade activates as it rolls off the Demo's desk. So it's not as if it's terrible.

9) Meet the Heavy

Reason: Not very noteworthy either, but at least he yells, "WHO TOUCHED MY GUN?!" Very close competition to the Demo, I'll admit, but for that one joke I find this short more watchable.

8) Meet the Scout

Reason: It took me a full minute to realise I didn't include this on the list. My thought process was essentially, "There are 9 classes and Expiration Date, why is there an empty spot... OH, SCOUT!" To be honest, the material in his short is quite as mundane to me as the previous two, but at least he's got good quotes. A very quotable video.

7) Meet the Engineer

Reason: Since the Engineer is only in one location with no cutaways it can be a kinda boring video, but the dialogue is capturing enough. He makes good points and a really good joke ("Use more gun"). Also, he seems very friendly and open until the end, where his voice gets low as he borderline threatens the camera, and that's pretty badass.

6) Meet the Pyro

Reason: The animation is awesome, particularly the lighting. And we get the very meme-able "I fear no man" quote. Like, straight up though, I do really love this video, I love the gruesome violence and the pure horror exhibited by the BLU, hell, even the RED team. The only reason it's lower on the list is because it doesn't have enough good jokes. If we were rating these solely on how cool they look, it'd be first, but comedy is too important to me.

5) Meet the Spy

Reason: Solid, absolutely quality jokes. A whole string of beautiful ones at one point, "That would be your mother," "Now he's here to fuck us," and "Pornography starring your mother will be the second worst thing that happen to you today." They're all within about three shots and they're hilarious. The fact that they are so close together adds to the comedy because it keeps the viewer laughing.

4) Expiration Date

Reason: Soldier. Is. Adorable. I love the Soldier as a character, but in this particular short they ignore the American soldier motif in place of the adorably stupid, senseless side of him. He misunderstands everything said to him, "We cannot teleport bread anymore," "We are going to live forever," overreacts in the beginning of the bucket scene, and took the suggest of teleporting bread literally. And his train of thought is just so off the tracks. All this man wanted was a bucket and to teleport bread. I could talk about his behaviour in this short for days. One scene commonly overlooked is his first lines in the short, "Oh, hello, Miss Pauling! We killed everyone and took a briefcase!" and "Goodbye, Miss Pauling. I am leaving the van now." God, I love him, I love him, I love him. Other than that, there's the "Seduce me" scene which is very funny, especially the part where he yells it. And god help me if him saying, "I'm a woman" won't always be funny.

3) Meet the Sniper

Reason: I put this especially high because I just can't get over the two good jokes in the short. They both have essentially the same punchline, but it's just so good. He accidentally shoots an enemy Demo's scrumpy, and the Demoman stumbles while shooting grenades wildly. The Demoman falls backwards, with the grenades landing on and killing him. The Sniper's only reaction to this turn of events is, "Oh." The events themselves were pretty hilarious, but that last word really seals it. The other joke I like is, "I think his mate saw me. *Bullets whiz past* Yes, yes, he did!" I believe what I like about it is the fact that it's pretty obvious the mercenary saw him, but the way Sniper has some witty remark at the end of a scene makes the whole thing complete. It's hard to explain.

2) Meet the Medic

Reason: The Medic is an awesome character. He's the most cheerful character and yet, with some tough competition between the Pyro and Soldier, the most batshit crazy. Whether or not he's the most insane, his insanity is certainly highlighted by his optimistic nature. He treats very serious matters during open heart surgery with a simple, "Oh, well". The man you're operating on is awake? Shrug. Your dove got inside his chest cavity? Birds will be birds. You've broken one of his ribs? No use crying over spilt milk. Also, he's the only character Heavy (You know, the big, aggressive guy who calls his enemies babies?) has allowed to call him a BABY while pinching his cheek snd that's pretty top.

1) Meet the Soldier

Reason: As previously mentioned, I love the Soldier, so obviously I'm going to put his short at the top of the list. It displays again his weird logic, explaining how Sun Tzu bought two of every animal on Earth then "beat the crap out of every single one." The facts in his head are obviously jumbled up. Yet he ties it all together with the explanation that everytime a group of animals are together in one place it's called a Tzu, which he mistook Zoo for. And the finishing "farm" line is just hilarious, and I can't even explain it. That's essentially the Soldier, I ramble on in this list trying to explain his appeal and why he's hilarious but he's just so... Magical.

[ikarldrawsi]

Something's Missing

Imma gonna make a fanfic Burnward Summary: Medic gets his mind messed up in the respawn system. He looses a lot of his memories, and Pyro tries to remind Medic who he is and how much he loves him.

An eerie silence was among the mercenaries. It had been a day since the incident and everyone was on edge. Especially the Pyro. He hadn't slept and was watching the engineer constantly. The Engineer had worked without rest on the respawn. It had broken mid battle and caused an ceasefire between the Red and Blu teams. Pyro still couldn't get the image off his mind. The bullet bursting through Medic's head. Pyro hated watching any of his friends die on the battlefield, but he trusted the respawn. It always worked. But it took his Medic away, it took him away, and he hadn't come back. What if he never-

"You're hyperventilating again Pyro. I know you're worried. But the doc will be alright. I'm almost finished," The Engineer said being as reassuringly as he could. But there was an edge of doubt to his voice that the Pyro heard through his mask. The kind words didn't calm the Pyro, but instead upset him even more. The Pyro began to weep.

The Engineer immediately got up from his work and rushed to embrace his friend. "It's okay buddy I'll make sure the doctor will be alright. I promise." The Pyro looked up. His words were muffled by his mask. Even less understandable because of his sobbing. The Engineer even had a hard time making them out. But he heard something around the lines of "You promise?" "Yes I promise. Now why don't you let me get back to work, so I can get Doc back faster." The Engineer was about to turn away. But the Pyro help up a shaking pinkie finger. The Engineer was confused for a second, but realized that the Pyro was making him initiate a pinkie swear. "Oh all right" The Engineer said as their pinkie fingers locked. "Now you promise you won't bother me while I work." The Pyro rapidly nodded his head, and then proceeded to sit back down in his corner of the Engineer's workshop. His anxieties beginning to slightly relieve. 

 Pyro hated crying, especially with his mask on. The tears and mucus would run all over his face and he couldn't wipe it away. It was even worse, because after the battle, he neglected to take a shower. So he felt sticky and disgusting. Almost as if he could read the Pyro's thoughts, the Engineer briefly looked up from his work. "You can use the sink to wash up your face if you'd like. I won't look." Pyro was torn. On one hand: he really wanted to clean his face, and on the other: he was horrified if anyone saw him. He trusted Engineer. He really did. But, he just wasn't ready for him to see. "When Doc comes back, he wouldn't like to see that you've been crying your eyes out," Engineer said in a teasing voice. But Pyro knew it was true. Medic hated it when he was upset. With that thought , Pyro was convinced. He quickly walked to the sink. He looked up to make sure Engineer wasn't watching, and began to remove his gloves and mask. He scrubbed his face off with the cool water, until he felt better. As he was putting his gloves and mask back on, he remembered the first time he allowed Medic to see his face. Medic told him that he looked beautiful. For the first time in his life, he actually felt that way about himself.

 It was late now, and neither Pyro or Engineer had slept in almost two days. Engineer was used to going many nights in a row without rest. However, Pyro was not. The only things keeping him awake was his nerves, and the thought of being right there when Medic came back. But eventually, the exhaustion won, and Pyro fell into the dark embrace of sleep.

 Pyro found himself in a dark, empty place. It reminded him of somewhere he'd been before. He just couldn't place a finger on it. Until he heard the cry of a familiar voice. Medic! He remembered now: this is the place he was briefly in, right before he respawned. Once he knew where he was, he ran towards where he heard the voice. It felt like Pyro had been running forever. The darkness went in all directions. Yet somehow, felt claustrophobic. He was about to stop, until he saw a figure in the distance. Pyro knew it was Medic. "Medic!" He called out, but the figure didn't move. As Pyro got closer, he saw the Medic huddled in a ball. He was shaking. Pyro tried to give him a hug, in an attempt to comfort him. But instead, his hands went right through him. Causing the distressed doctor to jump up.

 "Who's there? Show yourself!" Pyro tilted his head in confusion. Why couldn't Medic see him? He couldn't touch him, but somehow he could feel him? What was going on? Medic was standing up completely alert. He was pacing, muttering things to himself. Pyro tried to comfort him again. This time, trying to hold his hand. But the same thing happened again, and now Medic was even more distressed.

 "What do you want from me! Tell me who you are!"

 Pyro, who had backed away from the Medic, he was shaking from the outburst. Medic never talked like this. He was always nice, and besides his insanity was somewhat rational. Pyro pulled up his mask just above his mouth. Hoping somehow, the Medic would hear him.

 "It's m-me Pyro r- remember." Pyro was shocked. How much his voice had shaken. "Pyro?" Medic said, looking directly at Pyro. Finally seeing him clearly. Pyro began running towards him, but suddenly Pyro was falling and suddenly he lurched awake. Pyro was back in Engineer's workshop. He wanted to scream, but it felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.

 "Pyro get over here it's working!” Engineer called out. All the fatigue Pyro had felt vanished. As Pyro got up and rushed towards the machine, who had come to life. "Finally this nightmare is over! Medic is coming back," Pyro thought, as Medic rematerialized in front of him. To Pyro, the seconds it took for Medic to come back, felt like hours. But when Medic stood completely solid in front of them, Engineer felt like something was off. "You may want to give the doc-.” Pyro had already wrapped his arms around Medic. "Some space...” Engineer almost chuckled. Until, he saw his best friend being pushed to the ground by the doctor, that they were supposed to trust.

End of chapter one

Forgive me for any mistakes I’m new at this. But luckily my friend @kenzie-the-drawer for editing and thanks to @axis-intercept for getting me into really liking this ship. 

[askcherrypie]

JOKER: It’s a Mental Illness Movie, Not an Incel Movie, and It’s AMAZING.

Just came from the Joker flick. Amazingly well-written, acted, filmed, directed. Bloody well spotless. Joachim Phoenix is even better than Heath Ledger. One thing it's not, is an "incel" flick. Nothing like that happens in it. It's a film about mental illness, and anyone who says otherwise can't possibly have seen it. Ten outta ten, easy.

***SPOILERS: IF YOU READ BELOW THIS LINE, YOU DESERVE TO***

I’m not going to get TOO far into the deets, but given the idiotic manufactured controversy about this movie to date, something needs to be clarified beyond question... the fact that from the get-go, Joker is clinically insane.

He is in therapy. He is on seven different medications. He is on government assistance programs, being unable to afford any of these himself. He is constantly told by his mother that he is the illegitimate son of Thomas Wayne (which would make him the older brother of Bruce Wayne), and that Wayne is “a good man” who will eventually take them out of poverty because of these familial blood ties, but of course that never happens.

It takes being curbstomped by groups of thugs - one poor, one rich - before he ever acts out violently. Before he gives up on becoming a better person and simply accepts himself for what he is, slowly adopting a more and more nihilistic outlook on life.

The reason any of this is important is because it shoots the “incel movie” nonsense right in the gonads from the start. There is a love interest, yes... but Joker isn’t spurned. He’s not rejected at all, and the love interest - such as she is - is actually somewhat sympathetic to him, something which he appreciates. It’s the fact that he’s already insane which destroys what could have been a good relationship, not a bad relationship which drives him insane. In short, he’s never an “involuntary celibate” at any time during the film, nor is there any indication he ever was.

As the movie proceeds, we find out more and more about Joker’s mental history, and that of his mother. We discover things he endured as a child, and which he has forgotten (or suppressed). We learn what happened to his mother and what her relationship to Thomas Wayne was. This movie is a tragedy where the central figure embraces comedy, first as a coping mechanism and then as a means of remaking himself into what he feels he has always been.

It is also the best prequel movie I’ve ever seen. Even if it winds up being a stand-alone film due to DC’s more disastrous outings, this should be on your mantle in Blu-Ray format just as an example of how well-crafted a movie can be. Everything is realistic, gritty, lived-in; it all has the depth of real life. Nothing is so over-the-top that it couldn’t have been a news item decades ago, let alone today. What CGI there might be is virtually unnoticeable, the focus is very much on practical effects and quality acting.

Nor do I exaggerate when I say Joachim Phoenix’s performance exceeds that of Heath Ledger’s work on The Dark Knight. Ledger was phenomenal, but Phoenix here is not only phenomenal but also more believable, more human, and for that reason, all the more chilling. Joker is someone who could easily be your neighbor, that “funny-sounding guy with the weird laugh just down the hallway”. There is not a single over-the-top moment in the film... instead, each action and movement flows into another. There is a reason for everything here. This is not Ledger’s Joker, who starts out wanting to watch the world burn, but a Joker who slowly notices that it is already burning in front of him.

I consider Joker to be the Star Wars: A New Hope of the Batman mythos.

See it.

[kellanved-ammanas]

Space Mercenaries AU: Crash and Burn

The moons weren’t just pretty, they also contained valuable resources that their contractors wanted control of. The one that contained the most was the one on the outer edge, right next to the large asteroid field, which was where the bulk of the resources originated from. Which meant parking the base ship as close to the moon as they could safely get away with and sending out the space-fighters to battle the enemy team for control of it.

Going out in the fighters was always an exciting time even if Medic, Engie, and Sniper couldn’t go out with the rest of team. Medic because he was a doctor and thus needed to be on standby should anyone be injured. Engie because he needed to be on standby to repair any damaged fighters. And Sniper because someone needed to man the ship’s onboard long-range guns and keep the enemy’s base ship back. Just like the enemy Sniper was doing right back at them. Of the three, Engie was the only one who could fly thus he’d pilot the rescue ship in case a fighter got damaged enough that it couldn’t propel itself back to base.

Pyro could fly and shoot though. He loved it even if he couldn’t spray things down with flames. Lasers were good too though, they were almost like a very concentrated blast of flame if one thought about them in a certain light. They were certainly hot enough to set things on fire if they were even remotely flammable so as far as he was concerned, they were close enough.

But the speed of the fighters was what made them the most fun. According to Engie they weren’t state of the art but they were close and he’d tweaked them to make them run a bit better and faster – as well as added a few fancy gadgets to some of them. All of Pyro’s prior experience was on fighters almost half as slow and much less high tech.

He was almost jealous of how good Scout was with the fighter. He zoomed around the enemy ships at top speed, harassing them and wearing down their shields before getting out, zig-zagging and barrel rolling to avoid return fire. He was so confident, he ignored all of Engie’s remainders over the comms to be careful because they didn’t have Respawn up here and that the ships were strong but very much not indestructible.

The enemy Scout was much the same, though not quite as good. Just as fast but not as accurate or good at getting away unscathed. He was still a nuisance though and Pyro was sick of it. Just like he was sick playing it safe and comfortable when they were losing. Heavy’s ship had already taken enough damage that he’d had to retreat, reports from Demo pointed to him needing to retreat soon too or risk getting shot down completely and losing both the fighter as well as Demo himself. The Administrator’s voice over the comms was not pleased by any of this.

So, frustrated, the next time an enemy ship – the Spy’s, basically Pyro’s archenemy, trying to sneak around and pretend to be a RED ship – got too close, Pyro set his thrusters to full and pulled his steering wheel towards himself, pointing the nose of fighter ‘up’. It blasted towards the enemy ship, missing ramming into it by less than a wingspan.

The enemy ship jerked back. Pyro snapped his ship around to give chase, ignoring the g-forces pushing him against his seatbelt straps. He fired sending a laser at his ship. The flash of blue meant it was absorbed by the ship’s shields and confirmed that the red stripes on the sides were holographic in nature.

The enemy ship rolled and jerked to the side again, trying to get away. Pyro struggled to stay with it but he did, firing more lasers, all but one missed. There was no way he could stay on the Spy’s tail for long but gosh darn it, he was going to at least chase him off for a while.

“Pyro, what the hell are you doing? You’re breaking formation.” Miss Pauling’s voice came over the comms. She was stationed in the Captain’s Quarters watching over the battle on a screen and a direct line to the Administrator that no one on the team was allowed near.

Pyro quickly pressed the button on his console that would send back the message “All is well,” in the friendly robotic voice he’d chosen to act as his voice over comms. He knew what he was doing… sort of. It was fun at any rate, exciting. He’d fall back into proper formation after he’d even the enemy Spy a good scare or hopefully took out his shields and sent him back to base with his tail between his legs or even better, shot him down entirely.

She said something else followed by some chatter from some of the others but Pyro wasn’t paying enough attention to catch any of it. He was too busy banking hard to starboard to keep on the enemy’s tail. And then pulling up almost just as hard.

They were now both pointed straight at the asteroid field. It was an odd direction to go but Pyro didn’t care. They were traveling in a straight line now, making firing at the enemy easier. The flashes of the enemy’s shield absorbing his lasers were getting weaker. Soon he’d be through it entirely.

The BLU Spy didn’t deviate but kept going straight. What was he up to? … Who cared? Pyro almost had him, just a few more shots and… His target suddenly jerked up, revealing that he’d been flying towards a rather large asteroid and Pyro was very close to it.

He pulled up, as hard as he could, more in sudden panic than desire to continue the pursuit. But it was far too late. He hit hard, his shields shattering with a brilliant flash of red and an alarm. It was the last sensation he experienced before darkness closed in on him.

***

Scout was looping back from making another pass at the enemy and ended up in the prefect position to watch Pyro’s ship’s smash into the asteroid through his windshield. It wasn’t like the movies, other than the flash of red as the shields shattered there was no explosion.

“Uh, guys, Pyro just crashed,” he said as he pulled his own ship to a stop, unable to take his eyes off of what remained of Pyro’s ship. It was too far away for him to even guess how bad the damage was but Pyro had slammed into the moon at the fighter’s top speed, not head on because he’d pulled up at the last second but close to it. Even with the shields absorbing some of the blow, it couldn’t be good.

Pauling’s voice came over the intercoms. Her voice was neutral, whatever she was feeling about this matter was impossible to guess. “Engie, get in the rescue ship and get Pyro’s ship back to base. Medic, be on standby in the docking area and ready to transport Pyro to the med-bay if he’s still alive. Everyone else pull back, protect the rescue ship.”

“Congratulations,” the Administrator added, her voice dripping with angry sarcasm. “You’ve just lost.”

Scout normally would’ve cared more about that, he didn’t like losing or people getting mad at him for things that weren’t his fault. But he still couldn’t stop looking at Pyro’s ship. Scout still found him a bit scary and weird and insane but… they’d been working on the same team for a bit more than a year now. The thought of him being dead made Scout feel… not good.

He shook his head before jerking his ship back into motion. He could worry about that later when they knew for sure what Pyro’s status was for now he’d follow orders.

The rest of the team had already started pulling back. Pyro breaking formation to give chase had opened them up for a big push by the enemy team. Demo’s ship was already doing the space ship equivalent of limping back to base, shields broken, hull and wings damaged.

Surprisingly, the enemy let them go, pulling back to surround the resource rich moon. They didn’t even seem to react when the rescue ship came out and started for the Pyro’s ship.

Despite their seeming passiveness, Scout kept an eye on them. He zipped around the perimeter of the rescue ship and Pyro’s crash site, while everyone else surrounded the rescue ship. Making it clear that if they enemy team wanted to interfere with their rescue operation, they’d have to fight for it.

Engie thankfully managed to get close enough to retrieve Pyro’s ship with the rescues ship’s gravity beam without getting hit by anything, asteroid or enemy. There’d be no way to tell if Pyro was still alive inside of it until they got back to base and got him out. So in a rush to do that they retreated back to the base ship. The rescue ship docked first. Scout went out of his way to dock last, he didn’t want face the possibility that someone he knew and saw every day might be dead.

Once everyone was docked, the ship itself started retreating. Conceding fully victory to the BLU team. Their boss and contractor would be upset with them but who cared? There were more important things to worry about.

***

When Medic had heard Scout say over the radio that Pyro had crashed, he’d just finished up tending to Heavy’s minor injuries. He’d almost asked for more information but what more information could there be? Pyro had crashed, regardless of what he’d crashed into it wasn’t good. So, when Miss Pauling had ordered him to be on standby when the rescue ship brought Pyro’s ship in, he’d already been on his way there.

The wait for it to come in seemed to take hours. But there was no way it could’ve been more than half an hour before the rescue ship was fully docked and it was safe to board.

Inside, Pyro’s ship was a mess. Its bottom had flattened out, its nose was now a crumpled mess and one of its wings had been almost knocked off. The cockpit looked to still be sort of intact though so… maybe Pyro was still alive? Except the latch to open it was busted.

“Move aside Doc, I got a laser cutter,” Engie said from behind him.

Medic quickly obeyed, stepping back to give him room to work. “Fast please, this is a medical emergency,” he said. There was no possibly way Pyro could’ve faired well. And there was a very real possibility he was dead.

“On it,” Engie replied, already getting to work on it.

The laser cutter was made by Engie himself and thus was powerful. Meaning it took maybe a minute for him to have a hole big enough for them to see properly into the cockpit.

Pyro sagged limply forward in his chair, the harness the only thing keeping him from faceplanting into the fighter’s console. Which was a broken mess as well, every bit of glass on it had shattered with the impact. Luckily the ship’s oxygen systems seemed to still be functioning – they were built to be the hardest systems to knock out – so at the very least Pyro couldn’t have suffocated.

But with the suit on, it was impossible to tell if Pyro was still breathing. Medic would probably have to cut him out of it. It wasn’t something he wanted to do because he’d prefer to respect Pyro’s privacy but alas, he’d probably have no choice. First though he had to get him to the med-bay and on life support.

Getting Pyro out of the harness proved to be a tad more difficult than getting into the cockpit had been. Naturally it was thick, making cutting into it difficult. But Medic had brought a pair of shears designed specifically for this kind of thing, knowing this would probably be an issue. So, even it if took a bit longer than he would’ve liked, they eventually got Pyro out and onto the stretcher.

The rest of the team had gathered in the docking bay just outside of the rescue ship’s port, waiting for news. Medic ignored them, leading the way with the stretcher. As much as he wanted to run Pyro directly to the med-bay, running was reckless and the excessive jerking would likely cause more harm than was worth the added speed - assuming he was even still alive, Medic couldn’t tell with the damn suit making it impossible to manually check for vital signs. So, instead he had Engie walk at a fast but firm pace with him.

Upon finally arriving in the med-bay – thankfully the designers of the ship had been smart and put it close and at almost a straight shot from the docking area – he shooed Engie out as soon as they had Pyro on the examination table. He had work to do and he needed to focus.

First he pulled over and activated the external medi-beam based life support that was his own invention and the reason he’d been hired on as part of the team. All his tests had shown that it should function even through Pyro’s suit, the portable medi-gun certainly did. It unfortunately wouldn’t be enough by itself, though it did give him a bit more time, so the suit had to come off too.

First the mask so he could check for a pulse, potential brain damage, and put him on oxygen. A tight seal to the suit proper kept it in place. He had to use both hands to free it and pull it off.

Despite the urgency of the situation, Medic froze solid at the sight of Pyro’s face. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting for sure but it certainly wasn’t this. His flesh was almost a translucent deep turquoise, the sheen on it under medical lights suggested it was damp or perhaps a bit slimy. There was no proper nose or ears, just slits. The eyes were closed but were clearly larger than a human’s and rounder. A small gap in the mouth showed the tips of sharp jagged teeth.

Medic had contemplated the idea that Pyro might not be human a few times. But had always dismissed the thought because Pyro’s proclivity for fire and destruction wasn’t something Medic had ever observed in any other sentient species even if his was a unique brand of it. But as proven by this encounter there were alien species that Medic never even heard of before let alone had a chance to interact with.

This was fascinating! He could…

Nope, this was a medical emergency. He had to focus on saving Pyro’s life first. Afterwards he could worry about further study.

He jerked back into motion and placed the mask to the side. Hoping the pulse point would be about in the same spot on his neck, he peeled of one glove to place two bare fingers on Pyro’s neck. Yep his flesh of a bit slimy all right and… were those gills? Or something else? There was thankfully a pulse though, in a slightly different spot, but it was frighteningly weak.

Medic quickly snapped the oxygen mask onto Pyro’s face before setting to removing the rest of the suit, using the same shears he’d used on the harness because there was no way the scissors that would normally be used to cut away clothing in an emergency would work on Pyro’s suit.

 -

Pyro’s injuries were excessive, many broken bones and severe internal bleeding caused by organ damage in his abdomen. The only thing keeping him alive as Medic operated was life support. His blood was a rich blue and looked almost like paint except for the strange smell it had, similar to the coppery smell of human blood but distinctly different. Unfortunately, Pyro’s lack of not letting him know he was an alien meant Medic couldn’t give him a blood transfusion which he needed – Medic would have to scold him about that later… if he lived.

Medic couldn’t help but notice other things while he worked to repair the damage. Like that Pyro was probably an amphibian type alien, capable of living and breathing both under water and on land. Or the rather bad burn scars on his body, the worst of which were on his hands. It looked like there used to be webbing between his fingers but it had burned away in a distant accident most likely before the adoption of the fire proof suit. Other than that, they’d healed quite well, leaving his hands nimble but discoloured, a dark bluish colour, losing much of the flesh’s translucent nature.

Another thing that was impossible not to notice was that Pyro was starting to dry out. The damp sliminess of his skin was congealing. Whether it was more because he was on the brink of death or the air was too dry was hard to say, either way though it couldn’t be good for him. So…

“Scout bring a couple buckets of lukewarm water and some washcloths to the med-bay, quickly,” he said over the ship’s intercoms, using the special connection in his lab for purposes such as this.

Not even two full minutes later there was a knock on the door. Good, Scout was fast. “Come in,” Medic called, not looking up from what he was doing.

The door opened and a second later Scout let out an audible gasp. Whoops, maybe Medic shouldn’t have let him see Pyro without his suit on. Too late now though. Hopefully Pyro wouldn’t be too upset about it when he woke up… if he woke up.

“Is that…” Scout began, awe in his voice.

“Place the buckets at the foot of the operating table and leave,” Medic interrupted. He didn’t have time for this, Pyro was still in critical condition.

“But…”

“Now!”

“Got it!”

Medic glanced up to watch Scout place the buckets of water down and the washcloths on the medical equipment table next to him. Thankfully he then fled, probably to tell the rest of the team what he’d just learned. Medic would have some apologizing to do later. He hated apologizing. But at least he had water now so he could keep Pyro from drying out.

 -

It took hours but he eventually got Pyro into a stable condition. Now it was only a matter of time to see if he’d pull through or would fade away. Hopefully he’d at least last long enough for them to get back to the main planet, dock, and start up Respawn again, just in case. But if he survived for that long it was likely he’d pull through completely so banking on that wasn’t smart.

But now Medic just had to solve the issue of Pyro clearly coming from a planet that was very wet, making him susceptible to drying out, before letting himself pass out in bed. He had a few ideas on how to possibly solve that problem. But he also wanted someone to keep an eye on Pyro so if his condition took a turn for the worse, they’d be there to send someone to run and fetch Medic over the intercom connection in the med-bay. Which meant if a miracle had occurred and Scout hadn’t spilled the beans on Pyro being an alien everyone would soon find out anyway. There was nothing Medic could do about that though other than hope Pyro wouldn’t be too upset about it later… if there was a later for him. But regardless, it’d be worth it as long as Pyro survived.

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