#bombcast

[liugeaux]

Greatest Songs Ever - Part 21 (Off the Rails)

Never has one of these been as off-the-rails as this one seems. I promise it’s not on purpose. With Part 20 being much more close to home, naturally, part 21 veers the opposite direction. 

Some of these you might not know, and I encourage you to check them out. here’s your link to the ongoing playlist. Let’s do this!

2011 “Lock Down (feat. Leo the Lion)” -  Adam Skinner & Dan Skinner

We kick it off with the bop of the century. Maybe that’s an overstatement, but “Lock Down” crept into my life through the Giant Bombcast. The duders over there stumbled on this track in AudioNetwork, a royalty-free subscription music service. They played it during live stream downtime and their community ate it up. It became somewhat of an inside joke, while simultaneously being a banger. It’s categorized as “new-soul,” but its got a funk and a groove to it that gets your feet moving. I know nothing about Adam or Dan Skinner, and even less about Leo the Lion, but accidentally stumbling on such a fun track is kind of what this list is all about.  

1983 “Sharp Dressed Man” - ZZ Top

ZZ Top is a mood. I always feel like ZZ Top songs only have words to make them more marketable. If they could get away with a career full of songs like “Tequila” by The Champs, then they would’ve probably done that. Alas Billy Gibbons had to use his singing voice to entice the masses. With a sound like sandpaper on bone, Gibbons gravelly delivery is the perfect compliment to the almost sludgy guitar riffs on “Sharp Dressed Man.” Given how grimey and raw everything about this song is, the title feels like tongue and cheek irony. It’s a song whose guitar lick is so good it doubles as a chorus. A chorus that slices you in half everytime it churns back to the speakers. I like a lot of tracks in the ZZ Top library, but “Sharp Dressed Man” has a swagger that’s universal.  

2009 “TiK ToK” - Kesha

When my grand kids ask me what the late aughts sounded like, my answer will be “Tik Tok” by Kesha. This song is 100% a product of the pop music culture surrounding it. While Kesha’s talents as a songwriter eclipse this track exponentially, “Tik Tok” captured an energy and moment in music that cannot be recreated. Sanitized club beats, auto-tune, party-girl vibes, a hint of female empowerment and an odd Mick Jagger reference “Tik Tok” is hella weird. Even at the time I got a collective feeling from music fans, like we were looking at each other and saying “are we really doing this?” “Take On Me” is to the 80s what “Ice Ice Baby” is to the 90s, and “Tik Tok” is to the 00s. I’ve flirted with putting later Kesha songs on this list, but to do so before this seminal classic is an insult to an entire generation of music.   

1969 “My Way” - Frank Sinatra

Southerners don’t listen to Sinatra. Growing up I understood Frank Sinatra was a big deal and even had movies referred to me, but I couldn’t name a single one of his songs. My childhood wasn’t filled with Sinatra tracks, crooner numbers or Rat Pack hits, it was Elvis, The Beatles, Classic Rock and country. I purposely reached for “My Way” to see what the big deal was. I’d heard an American Idol contestant or two sing snippets of it, but I wanted to know why the song is so revered. Upon first listen, I thought it sounded much older than it actually is. I would have pegged this song as a track from the 40s. The sound quality of the backing symphony is reminiscent of much older Hollywood scores like The Wizard of Oz, so to learn that its newer than most of The Beatles’ library was shocking. As a celebration of individuality, it’s message isn’t too dissimilar from that of the US as an idea, and the lyrics’ acknowledgement of his “way” being imperfect is subtly beautiful. “My Way” is an anthem for the proud, and sadly I feel the rigidity of its message has been used to justify rejecting compromise. As one man’s celebration of himself and as a booming showtune, the song is outstanding.  

2021 “Sunroof” - Nicky Youre

Whenever I pick super-recent songs I know I’m rolling the dice on how time will effect this list. I have no idea who Nicky Youre is, but he knows how to capture the energy of youth. From the initial drop of “I got my head out the sunroof...” this song drips of innocence fueled youth. The freedom of your first car, having no worries and being consumed by the energy of a potential partner, it’s the magical spark of youth. Even the “La da, la da da, la la la“ part is laced with an envious carefree attitude. We are all longing for the feeling “Sunroof” is advertising, and that’s why it works so well. It’s like freebasing the idea of potential, “Sunroof” is a drug we should all be addicted to.  

2001 "Rhythm” - Awol One & Daddy Kev

For an oh-so-brief moment in community college, I brushed against being cool enough to know someone who knew this song. My bud Austin, a worldly brain of a person who, to my knowledge has never been bad at anything, at least not anything he put legit effort into, turned me onto this track. He played a lot of music for me back then and not much of it stuck, but “Rhythm” burrowed in like a tick. The stand-out on the track is the flute in the loop. I’m gonna do my best to avoid making a flute-loops joke, but I promise nothing. I don’t know anything about the production of the track but it strikes me as a song birthed from the tightness of the loop. Once that was established, I’m sure everything else fell into place. The rapping isn’t stellar, but it knows what it is, and stays out of the way. Awol One’s drawn out delivery feeds the stoner vibe the track carries, while never feeling scummy. Laid-back, groovy, and raw enough to feel like the underground gem that it is. “Rhythm” was never at risk of being a radio hit, but that’s kind of a badge of honor here. If one more person hears this song because of this write up, I will have done my job.

1993 “Chattahoochee” (Extended Mix) -  Alan Jackson

Look at that, yet another 90s country song gets added to the list! “Chattahoochee” is a country fan’s country song. It’s as story-telly as the fans demand, and Jackson’s delivery is exactly what you would expect from a pillar of the genre. However when you dig deeper, the lyrics are much more universal fro the casual listener. Like “Sunroof” there’s something inherently youthful about “Chattahoochee.” Youth, as a concept, is ripe for creative mining and Jackson chose a hyper specific venue for his slice-of-life story. Because the innocence of youth is so universal, even if you didn’t grow up on a river, you just get it. Your Chattahoochee river might be a drive-in movie theater, or a Sonic parking lot, or the pool tables at the local bowling alley. Calling a song shallow is only an insult if it doesn’t have a wide appeal. “Chattahoochee” is as shallow as that river probably is, and that just means everyone can relate. As for the (Extended Mix), it doesn’t add too much, but it does make the song feel more like an event. It’s got an extra breakdown or two that probably work well in a live setting. It’s just a better paced version of the same song.   

1970 “War Pigs” - Black Sabbath

When you Google “Who invented heavy metal” you get a passage about historians believing it was Black Sabbath. I like to think all metal songs share DNA with tracks like “War Pigs.” Loud, brash and with something to say, the track alternates between an Ozzy show-piece and a Tony Iommi guitar rocker. Its quiet moments are as important as its loud guitar solos, a practice almost lost to time I modern metal. “War Pigs” may not be as relevant today as it was in 1970 (I’d like to think humans have learned a lot from past wars), but it serves as a creative benchmark for commentary on socio-political statements in art. Let’s not forget about the slimy and iconic guitar work here, traces of thrash can be heard in the solos and that wouldn’t rise to prominence until the 80s. Sabbath is WAAAAAAAY more important than most realize and “War Pigs” is their masterpiece.  

2018 “Responsible Ver. 2″ (feat. Stan Taylor) - DUX

I really don’t know what to say about this one. DUX is a DJ, Stan Taylor is a vocalist, and “Responsible” is one of their collaborations. Due to their relative obscurity, they are oddly hard to Google. DUX seems Brazilian, and Taylor looks to be from Cali, but I don’t know if any of that matters. “Responsible” hovers between soul, techno, funk, and jazz, pretty cleanly. What initially stood out was the absolutely chewy bassline. The bass however, only gets you through the door, Taylor’s big soulful delivery hooks you, and the horn-filled bridge finishes the job. A beautiful melding of several reliable pillars of American music makes this into an unexpected modern classic buried in obscurity. “Responsible Ver. 2″ (definitely better than Ver. 1) would play well anywhere from a local pub to the biggest sporting event. If you check out any of these songs individually, please let this one be one of them.   

1969 “Haute Couture” aka “Temptation Sensation” -  Das Orchester Heinz Kiessling

There is so much to unpack with this choice. Yes, it’s the Always Sunny in Philadelphia theme, yes, that seems cheap, and no, I don’t care. I’ve always loved the simplicity of the theme and found its whimsy quite-heartwarming. Prior to last year, I had not heard the original track, or knew anything about it. This song is by a German composer named Heinz Kiessling, and its taken two different names in its release history, “Haute Couture” and “Temptation Sensation.” For what its worth, I prefer the latter. The song itself is an orchestral mushroom trip. Somehow, like “My Way” it was released as recently as 1969. Nothing sounds more like a 1942 instrumental as much as this track does. To put this in perspective, it was released a year before the almost modern sounding “War Pigs”. Was Germany so far behind America in sound production that “Temptation Sensation” just felt super old, or was that on purpose? Who knows. The internet doesn’t say anything about him being a Nazi, so there’s more good news. The song itself is so full of whimsy, and fluff, that its hard to hear without feeling like a burden has been lifted from your shoulders. As the theme from It’s always Sunny, it works stupendously because of the thematic dichotomy.

That was an exceptionally weird list of songs, but I promise next time will be a bit more mainstream. That is, unless my plans change, then, anything is on the table. *Insert excited emoji*    

[the-worm-that-gnaws-in-the-night]

Not to be that person but it sucks to see Giant Bomb go from some of the most interesting and well thought out games writing and industry analysis to having a guy that fundamentally believes "it was made by Disney so it has to be good" and will call into the podcast to correct people for getting minor Disney theme park facts wrong.

[mattkoelling]

A triumphant return from the summer pod reruns, come meet us out on South Street, to pour up this ice-cold fresh one to help beat The Heat plus soothe your earholes during the dog-day doldrums.

[felassan]

on this episode the other day of Giant Bombcast, Jeff Grubb and co mentioned DA:D.

context: speculation segment about what will be shown in the SGF opening night live show.

Jeff: “What’s the biggest game you could see being at the show?” Mike: “Dragon Age. […] I know it’s not a new announcement but haven’t heard from that in forever.”

context: speculation segment about what will be shown in the SGF Xbox Showcase.

Jeff: “Dragon Age probably will also have an appearance here, that seems likely. […] I mean, like, you know, two hours, like probably around thirty games. We’ve mentioned a handful first party games and Dragon Age.”

[source]

[namig42]

Hello! Here is another chapter about my drow bard Lazlow and his life pre-bg3! This is a spicy chapter with some awakenings, so please enjoy!

Lazlow (Ch. 5)

< Previous Chapter

Read it on Ao3

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The town was lively during this time of day, and to Lazlow’s surprise, it was much more civilized than he had imagined. There were merchant stalls that lined the main street that were full of produce Lazlow had never seen in the Underdark, and clothes that were dyed colors that he had never known existed. The humans milling around stared at Lazlow and Sylvan with leering, curious looks, but compared to the consort coach, Lazlow really didn’t mind it. This world was as strange to him as he and Sylvan were to its people.

They had walked down a few streets now, all of them becoming progressively narrower and narrower with each turn. “Come on, let’s check this place out,” Sylvan said as he pointed to a door with no signs down another alleyway. He grabbed Lazlow’s hand and pulled him towards the mysterious entrance. Lazlow was surprised by Sylvan’s big hand around his, but it was a welcome shock. He didn’t even think twice about where they were heading as he focused on the warmth coursing up his arm.

Inside the building was a bar filled with all sorts of humans. Young and old, big and small, men and women. Lazlow had never been to any place like it. There was a bar to the right of the entrance, and to the left were tables filled with crowds of people. At the back of the room was a stage with three musicians on it currently in the middle of a musical number. They wore colorful outfits and danced around on the stage as the played. Lazlow only watched them for a moment, and immediately was intrigued by the different style they played with. Perhaps he could learn some new songs from these bombcastic folks tonight and hum the tunes while they made their way back to the caravan.

In the midst of Lazlow’s fascination, someone bumped into him. It was a man who wasn’t quite drunk yet, but would likely be after he finished the tankard that he was holding. “Watch it, shadow snake,” the man said with a slur. Lazlow raised his hands and apologized, stepping out of the man’s path. Suddenly, Sylvan had an arm wrapped around Lazlow’s shoulders and was pulling him close. “Let’s find a seat,” said Sylvan over the roar of the patrons and the band. Lazlow nodded and let himself be escorted to the bar.

They took a seat next to one another and Sylvan ordered two pints of ale. The man behind the bar gave them both a once over before turning to go get their drinks. Lazlow didn’t notice the subtle, stingy look since he was still so transfixed on the musicians on stage. The first song ended, and the band was already on to the next. This new song was lively and fun, like a dance for the bards that played it. Lazlow hummed along with the melody, trying to solidify it in his mind for later.

As he watched the performers, he felt someone tap his shoulder. It was Sylvan offering him a pint with that dashing smile of his. Lazlow took it graciously and held it up along with Sylvan in a sort of “cheers” gesture, then took a swig. He had never had anything like this and the taste made him want to gag. Sylvan drank it like it was nothing, then looked at Lazlow’s scrunched up face. “Not your taste?” he said over the crowd with that handsome smirk.

“No… I don’t think so.” Lazlow said with a sheepish smile, but still tried to take another swig as to not be rude. Sylvan laughed at the second attempt. “Don’t force yourself! If you don’t like it, then I can always finish it for you.”

“Thank you.” Lazlow smiled up at his friend with that same blush he had come to often feel around Sylvan. He was always so magnanimous and friendly. Lazlow was glad to have such fine company despite his circumstances.

“So, how do you feel about your first human town?” Sylvan asked.

“It’s much nicer than I thought it would be. My sisters always made the surface sound like a nightmarish wasteland.”

“Yeah, things are definitely different here. The sights, the sounds, even the people. Did you know that even the power structure up here is different from the Underdark?”

“What do you mean?” Lazlow asked with a soft tilt of his head.

“It’s not like back home. Things are just different around here. If you lived on the surface, you wouldn’t have to be at the beck and call of a mistress. You could do whatever you wanted as a man.”

“Really?” Lazlow asked, unsure why it was so different here. Still, it sounded a bit like a dream. Maybe if he had been born as another kind of elf, perhaps a wood elf like Kasbin, he could have lived his life as a bard and nothing else. He wouldn’t have had to leave his brother, and his brother wouldn’t have had to worry about rushing to find success. Maybe he could’ve tagged along with Theo in his travels to study magic and the two could’ve been inseparable. What a life he could dream up.

But that was a dream, and he was a drow. His life was here as a consort, but at least he was a consort in good company.

“Speaking of,” Sylvan said, glancing at something behind Lazlow. Lazlow was confused until he turned and saw a woman staring at them from across the room. She was dressed in a plain skirt with a tunic that hung off her shoulders, and her fair white complexion contrasted with her chestnut hair that was pulled back into a messy bun. She was watching the two of them and blushed when they looked her way, turning her head to look towards the stage as her ears burned pink.

Lazlow found it odd to see a woman acting so… demure. It was unlike his sisters, his mother, every woman he had ever known. What was wrong with her? What was that gaze? It wasn’t curious or skeptical like the rest of the humans. Lazlow thought if felt familiar, but he just couldn’t find the right word for it.

“Like I said, things are different.” As Sylvan spoke, he took one more swig of his ale before standing up and walking across the room. Lazlow watched him approach the woman and saw the girl’s fair skin turn bright red. Sylvan towered over her small physique, leaning his arm against the wall just next to her head like he had done it a thousand times. The look he had in his eyes, it was the same look that his mistress looked at Lazlow with. It was hungry and wanting.

Lazlow didn’t know why he felt a pit form in his stomach as he watched the scene unfold. Watching Sylvan lean in close to the woman, it made his skin tingle. The feeling only got worse as Sylvan lifted the girl's chin, bringing her and her big, round eyes up to look directly at him. What was happening over there? Was this what the surface was like? Why did it make Lazlow so frustrated? What was this feeling burning in his gut?

Then, his stomach sank as he watched Sylvan kiss the girl. His tongue moved into the girl’s mouth and his hand moved slowly down the girl’s neck, down her side, then grabbed at her lower back. When it stopped trailing down, that lewd hand pulled the girl closer and pressed her body up against Sylvan’s.

Lazlow couldn’t bring himself to watch anymore of the erotic display, but as he turned away, the scene played in his head again and again, focusing especially on Sylvan’s hands, lips, and tongue. Why in the hells did it make him feel so devastated seeing Sylvan like this? They were consorts, it was inevitable that he would engage in acts like this, but this wasn’t because the mistress was telling them what to do now. Sylvan seemed to do this because he wanted to. He was the one who seemed to hold all the power over that girl. It was strange. Despite the awful flavor of the drink, Lazlow took a swig of his ale, hoping that it would have some distracting effect on him.

“My, what lovely hair you have,” a woman’s voice said sensually. Lazlow looked to his right and saw a woman sitting next to him who wasn’t there before. It’s like she appeared out of thin air.

“Th-thank you…” Lazlow said. That look in her eye, it was that wanting look again. Gods, Lazlow was sick of that look. He didn’t want to see it ever again at this rate, especially not from a stranger like her.

“So white, and such lovely braids.” The woman said, leaning in a bit closer and reaching a hand up to play with the tips of Lazlow’s braids. Her other arm was resting on the bar as her fingers fiddled with Lazlow’s bright silver locks. Lazlow glanced at her and saw that her black hair hung around her face and framed it like it was a picture on display, showcasing her bright red lips most that were softly smiling at Lazlow now. The only other thing that drew attention away from that sultry smirk was the top that the woman wore. Her breasts looked like they were being squeezed out of the tight top, almost as if her bodice was about to burst.

Lazlow wanted to jump away from her delicate, imposing touch, but she was a woman. Maybe not a drow, but a woman nonetheless. He was supposed to do as they said. That’s what he grew up his entire life being told, but still, her fingers were so close to his sensitive ears that it made him want to flee his skin entirely.

As he endured her meddlesome twiddling, he made no effort to look at her and encourage the interaction any further. He didn’t acknowledge her compliment or her presence much and tried his best to ignore her fingers that grazed his long ears. He took another swig of his bitter drink, hoping it would help distract him from this terrible hell he had been abandoned in, but his body betrayed him with a shiver as the woman’s short fingers gently traced the top rim of his ear.

Those hungry eyes, her presumptuous demeanor… Maybe things weren’t really that different to the Underdark after all. Maybe they were only different for Sylvan, but for Lazlow? How could they be different?

Then something changed. He heard a disappointed sigh from the woman and finally looked at her again. “Well, maybe I’m not your type then. Oh well. Your loss, kid.” She stood up and made her way over to the tables that crowded the room with a saucy saunter in her step. Lazlow watched her get up, but didn’t bother to look for where she went. He was just surprised that she had left him alone. If he had been back home, something like that never would’ve happened. He would’ve been teased or berated until she gave him a command that he couldn’t refuse because that’s just how things were. But this woman just left him alone, no commands at all or any punishment for his negligence…

She mentioned his “type” as well. What did she mean by that? Did she mean his type in people? Partners? Lazlow had never considered the idea before. He didn’t even understand the concept really. If it was what he liked, it certainly wasn’t a woman like that or the mistress. Mistress Santra was bold and domineering. There was no safety or comfort with her, even in her strange moments of kindness. There was so much uncertainty for what could happen that made every interaction with her unnerving and exhausting. Lazlow never imagined a life where he had a choice, but as his mind roamed, he thought about how he didn’t want a life with someone like her.

He looked back to where Sylvan had been and saw that he and that girl had disappeared.

Shit.

“Excuse me!” Lazlow leaned over the counter to ask the bartender in a panic. The man looked at him with a cold, displeased look, but didn’t dismiss him outright. “My friend, did you see where he went?”

“The big drow fella?” the bartender asked with a gruff voice. “Went up those stairs.” He pointed to a hallway on the other side of the room that turned into a staircase.

Lazlow sighed in relief. He hadn’t been abandoned after all.

“Thank you very much!” He hopped out of his seat and carefully made his way through the boisterous crowd. As the night turned darker outside, the more bodies filled the room with noise and the smell of booze. Lazlow was shoved a couple of times in the midst of traversing the crowd since he was fairly short compared to most of the human men. Humans were certainly a rowdy, giant sort and a bit crude when alcohol was involved.

As he was rough housed and knocked to and fro by the crowded room, Lazlow was quickly learning that taverns were not his cup of tea. Despite the pleasant music, the people were too much for him. He much preferred the thought of an intimate outdoor performance with the same songs rather than a room full of boisterous party goers.

Soon, the stairs were in sight. Lazlow wiggled his way free of the remaining bit of crowd at the edge of the room and made a dash for the hallway to his sanctuary. After an excruciating effort, he finally reached his destination. Lazlow sighed in relief and took a moment to appreciate a deep breath of air before he climbed the stairs away from the noisy tavern.

He was ready to head back to the caravan now. He had had enough excitement for one night and needed a moment of quiet. As soon as he found Sylvan, he would ask to go back and never set foot in a place like this again.

As he scaled the stairs, the sounds from the bar below thankfully began to muffle a bit. Lazlow felt relieved as he reached the top of the stairs and was greeted with a long, empty hall lined with doors. Now he just had to figure out which one Sylvan was behind. Unsure of how to proceed, Lazlow began to walk slowly and quietly on the balls of his feet down the corridor and gently knock on each room, hoping to hear that familiar, soothing voice call back from the inside.

“Go away!” yelled one woman who sounded out of breath.

“Occupied!” yelled a disgruntled man, who followed his exclamation with a loud grunt.

Lazlow got a whiff of the air and realized that the smell was very similar to the mistress’s chamber, especially at the end of his three day stint when he had first arrived. It was the smell of sex.

Lazlow blushed at the realization. This probably wasn’t a brothel, but it was certainly a place where people met in order to engage in more… private activities. Oh gods… what if… He thought about Sylvan being behind one of these doors with that girl. What was Sylvan thinking? Wouldn’t the mistress punish him if she found out that he let someone else use his body besides her?

Lazlow was now very hesitant to knock on any more doors, but he needed to find Sylvan. If he wasn’t in any of these rooms and had left the tavern already, then Lazlow would have much bigger problems to worry about. He knocked on the next door gently, nervous for what else he may be interrupting and the thought of being alone in this debachorous place.

“Who is it?” a man called. Lazlow sighed in relief. It was Sylvan’s voice, and he sounded fairly normal.

“It’s Lazlow!”

“One second!”

One second? Was he… Lazlow’s mind rushed with perverted visions of what was happening behind the splintering door. His face began to burn, but thankfully was interrupted when he heard the latch move on the other side of the door. The door clicked open and that same girl from downstairs stood in the doorway. Her top was a bit disheveled, her hair was no longer up in that messy bun, and she had a blissful smile on her face. Lazlow looked past her and saw Sylvan sitting on the bed, his legs spread and his hands supporting his weight as he leaned back on the mattress. He was fully dressed and presentable, as if nothing had happened behind that closed door.

“Um… I think I’m ready to head back now.” Lazlow said awkwardly while looking past the girl. That silly smile of hers infuriated Lazlow, but he didn’t know why.

“Hold on, my friend! The night is still young! There’s no need to hurry.”

“Won’t we be in trouble if the mistress realizes we snuck away?”

“Yeah, but at surface stops like this, especially with the mistress’s sun sensitivity, they’re probably barely getting work going now that the sun’s gone down. We’ve still got an hour at least before there’s anything to worry about. Just relax!”

Lazlow sighed. Sylvan had that same charming smile that made Lazlow willing to do as he asked, and it was more than effective. If he was sure they were okay, then it probably was fine. Like Sylvan had said, he’d been around long enough to know how things worked, so he would know about these things better than Lazlow. 

Lazlow entered the room and caught that familiar scent again. He hoped it was leftover from the previous guests, but it really didn’t seem like it. It was strong and fresh, much to Lazlow’s dismay. Lazlow’s felt his guts twist into a knot as his mind rushed with those lewd, hypothetical thoughts again. Why did the idea of Sylvan being with someone else like that bother him so much?

“So…” Sylvan said with a drawl. He patted the seat next to him on the bed. “Crowds got to ya?”

Lazlow looked at Sylvan’s hair and saw that it was still as neat as it had been when they had arrived at the tavern. It seemed odd compared to the girl’s disheveled appearance. Lazlow’s heart began to fill with some strange hope that he didn’t understand as he began to slowly approach his friend.

“The music was nice, but I’m not so used to places as lively as this.” Lazlow said in a weak, flimsy voice. He softly sat on the bed where Sylvan patted and felt the harsh hay mattress give under him.

“Ha! That’s fair. Why would you be? Not a lot of taverns like this back home.”

“Are you from the same city?” The girl interjected with an eager smile on her face. She was still in the room, standing by the door with her hands folded in front of her.

“Yeah, something like that,” Sylvan answered disinterestedly. He looked back at the girl and casually spoke, “It’s been fun, Mindy, but I think my friend and I need a moment.”

She huffed a bit at Lazlow and crossed her arms. “Okay, sure. I can come back later.”

“Don’t bother, we’ll be gone by then.” Sylvan answered. The Mindy girl looked at him with wide, offended eyes. “So this is goodbye?”

“Afraid so, hun. Thanks for the fun time. I wish you well.” Sylvan said, waving Mindy off. She made a high pitched sound and stomped her foot as she stormed out and slammed the door behind her. Lazlow watched her go and looked back to Sylvan after the door slammed shut. What in the hells was that? He… he rejected a woman and all she did was have a tantrum? Could Lazlow have done the same with that woman downstairs?

Lazlow was fascinated. He smiled up in admiration at Sylvan and was relieved to have his friend to himself again. “What… what happened?”

Sylvan saw Lazlow’s fascination and smirked in pride. “Like I said, things are different here. It’s not like at home where we’re at the mistress’s beck and call. On the surface, we as men have the power to do as we please.”

“So… that girl…” Lazlow said, thinking what it meant for a man to have the power in an encounter like the one that Sylvan and that girl just shared.

Sylvan looked at Lazlow with a bit too much pride now. “She was like putty in my hands. I barely did anything to her and she still went down on me happily. She was so eager for it too, practically begging for a taste of the Underdark.”

Lazlow blushed at the image of what Sylvan just said. That girl… she had probably been on her knees while Sylvan sat in this very same spot. He probably ran his hands through her hair as he watched her head bob happily with that handsome, smug look on his face. Lazlow thought about the image, how the mistress had forced him into a similar position on his knees multiple times over the past two weeks, and how much he really didn’t care for it when it was with her. Now though, thinking about it… What if it was Sylvan instead of the mistress that he was in that position with? What if it was him instead of that girl in this room just now? His head nestled between his friend’s thick legs as Sylvan ran that big hand through his hair with a gentle touch…

That question from earlier came back and probed at Lazlow’s brain: what’s your type?

I think… Sylvan is.

His face, that smile, those bright pink eyes that seemed to always be casting a spell like charm, that warm touch of Sylvan’s big hand that Lazlow had come to enjoy immensely. That’s probably what that woman meant earlier. She wasn’t Lazlow’s type because she wasn’t Sylvan.

“It’s a nice change of pace being the one in control. You should try it sometime,” Sylvan said, leaning a touch closer to Lazlow on the bed.

“Oh… I don’t think it’s for me, but it is interesting…” Lazlow said. His mind was rushing with filthy thoughts of what that woman did to Sylvan and he couldn’t bear to bring his eyes up from the floor. His face and ears flushed and he could feel the heat emanating off of his skin. That lingering smell in the room didn’t do anything to help him calm down either.

“You sure?” Sylvan leaned a bit closer to Lazlow. His mouth got a bit closer to Lazlow’s ear and his breath tickled the tip of it. “Being the one in charge, getting whatever you wish for, you’ve never wanted that?”

Lazlow’s entire body was shaking and he felt a surge of blood shoot between his legs. “I… I never really considered it, to be honest.”

“Would you like to try?” Sylvan whispered even closer. His mouth grazed the rim of Lazlow’s ear now. Lazlow’s entire body shook at the sensitive feeling and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He didn’t know what to do. This was a first for him. His body had never shook like this before and it was terrifying, yet intoxicating.

Lazlow didn’t answer for a while. He was too busy trying to control his shaking nerves, but everything froze when that familiar hand came to cradle his jaw and turned his face to look at Sylvan. Looking into those eyes, everything else disappeared. Mistress, consort, caravan, everything faded and it was just him and Sylvan.

It took everything in Lazlow’s power to nod his head through his violent shakes. Sylvan smiled and huffed in amusement. “Alright then, cutie. I’ll let you have me for the time being. What would you like?”

The question made Lazlow panic even more. His hands were clenched tightly in his lap. He didn’t know what he wanted or how to be the one in charge. This was so sudden and new and exciting, but scary. Lazlow’s eyes glanced down at that smile again and he thought of Sylvan with that girl downstairs. He wanted to know what those lips felt like on his. “Kiss me?”

Sylvan smiled. “Yes, sir.” Sylvan leaned forward and closed the distance between them. His skilled lips met Lazlow’s and everything suddenly melted around Lazlow. His eyes closed and he was lost in the heat that consumed his heart, his stomach, his groin. It was intoxicating. His hands even managed to relax and found their way into that soft, perfect hair of Sylvan’s. He ran his hands along the shaved sides, savoring the prickly stubble that lined Sylvan’s skull with the tips of his fingers, then made his way further back and pulled at the black ribbon holding Sylvan’s ponytail. The ribbon untied easily with one gentle pull and let Sylvan’s long, white locks fall down around his broad shoulders. Holy shit, it was finer than even the spider silk of Lazlow’s bow. Lazlow’s fingers combed through Sylvan’s hair greedily as he was kissed and grabbed at it like it was his last lifeline to this world.

Sylvan leaned forward further and further until Lazlow was lying back on the bed. His hands roamed the front of Lazlow’s tunic, gently tracing down his sides and the lines of his pelvis before moving back up to his stomach. Lazlow was moaning dramatically at each little sensitive shiver, his voice being lost in Sylvan’s mouth. His hips bucked upwards and Sylvan moved his leg in between Lazlow’s for the younger drow to grind on.

The only words that could fill Lazlow’s mind were holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. This was incredible. It was intoxicating. Having Sylvan on top of him like this was exhilarating. His fingers roaming on Lazlow’s skin were like flames on ice. It burned, it chilled, it felt incredible. If this was a dream, Lazlow hoped for it to never end.

After a few minutes of Lazlow’s desperate moans and his rutting, Sylvan broke the kiss and moved back to Lazlow’s ear. “What would you like next, sir?”

As Sylvan waited for an answer, he kissed down Lazlow’s jaw and neck. One hand supported his weight on top of Lazlow, and the other gripped at Lazlow’s waist. Lazlow couldn’t focus at all, not with Sylvan’s weight on top of him and that firm grip on his side. “I… I don’t know…” Lazlow had had very few choices in his life, and this was a scenario that he had never even fathomed until tonight. Being given control of a situation left him floundering, especially in a situation that he was still quite a novice at. The only experience he had of intimacy was with his mistress, but he didn’t want to think about that now. He wanted to be consumed by Sylvan.

“Wanna try something?” Sylvan asked as he sat up and lifted off his own tunic. Lazlow watched the display and was captivated by Sylvan’s strong physique. How did he maintain such a body as a consort? It was mesmerizing. Lazlow wanted to reach up and squeeze Sylvan’s thick pecs in his hands, but he held off for a moment. “What is it?” Lazlow finally managed to ask, his eyes stuck on Sylvan’s strong, bare chest.

“There’s a hidden spot in your body that feels incredible when it’s hit just right. If you want, I’d be happy to help you find it.”

Sylvan ran his hands up Lazlow’s chest and came to hold his neck again. He cradled the back of Lazlow’s head in his hand softly and lowered his mouth down to Lazlow’s collarbone. Lazlow felt the nip of teeth and the sucking of lips on his skin. It was shocking, but still gentle enough that it wouldn’t leave any evidence for the mistress to find.

As Lazlow moaned and pressed his chest up into Sylvan’s mouth, he tried to consider the offer. He had no idea what this hidden spot entailed, but he was so lost in ecstasy that he didn’t even care. If it would feel incredible and it was with Sylvan, he would take anything right now. “Yes, please. Please help me.”

“Yes sir.” Sylvan said, leaving one more nip on Lazlow’s chest. He sat back up and began to undo the drawstring on his own pants. They fell down his hips and revealed his naked pelvis. Lazlow looked down and was surprised to see how big Sylvan was compared to him. It made sense, considering Sylvan was a whole head taller than him, but it was still a surprise. Once he was exposed, Sylvan reached down to Lazlow’s shirt and tugged at the hem of it. Lazlow quickly understood what was happening and sat up to pull the tunic off. It was clumsy and he thrashed about a bit, but thankfully the shirt came off easily enough. Once it was thrown across the room, Lazlow fell back onto the bed and Sylvan began to undo the drawstring of Lazlow’s pants. Lazlow blushed as Sylvan gently pulled his pants off and revealed his cheap white undergarments that were as thin as a sheet. Especially now with how hard Lazlow was, the thin fabric left nothing to the imagination.

Sylvan pulled the underwear down with a satisfied smirk and watched Lazlow spring free with amusement. Compared to Sylvan’s strong form, Lazlow’s naked body was soft and squishy. There was little muscle on his thin physique and little definition to speak of. His body was incredibly lithe and delicate compared to the strong man that loomed over him. He couldn’t help but be a bit self-conscious as he compared his body to Sylvan’s, but Sylvan’s mouth quickly distracted him by coming down on his soft, fleshy stomach and kissing downwards.

Before he reached Lazlow’s hard length, Sylvan paused and stuck two of his fingers in his mouth. Lazlow watched as he sucked and drooled all over them and his dick twitched at the sight. Sylvan looked up at Lazlow with those jewel-like eyes and smiled with those two fingers still deep in his mouth. After one more long lick of his tongue, Sylvan pulled his fingers out and moved them down towards Lazlow’s entrance. Lazlow watched the display, both confused and extremely turned on.

“I’m going to prep you now, okay?” Sylvan clarified, clearly seeing the confusion on Lazlow’s face.

“Prep…?” Lazlow asked nervously as he took in the sight of Sylvan lying between his legs.

“Yeah. There’s only one way to get to that spot, and if you don’t prepare yourself, it hurts like hell. Do you trust me?”

Lazlow looked down at Sylvan and felt his blue face turn nearly black with blush. “Yes… I trust you.”

“Good.” Sylvan said as he slowly slipped a finger into Lazlow. Lazlow’s entire back arched at the sensation and he groaned from the feeling. His sensitivity only worsened as Sylvan took Lazlow’s cock into his mouth. He held his lips very still as his tongue moved slowly up and down the bottom of Lazlow’s shaft. Once Lazlow rode out the first wave of sensations and managed to calm down, Sylvan began to press the finger in slower and deeper. Lazlow bucked his hips up, but Sylvan used his free hand to grip Lazlow’s hips and keep him steady.

The stretch of Sylvan’s finger didn’t take long to become comfortable, even welcome at a point. As Sylvan pumped it in and out, Lazlow’s voice scaled in octaves and he continued to fill the room with his overwhelmed moans of pleasure. Soon enough, a second finger entered him and the process started all over again. It was painful for a moment, but as he grew used to it, it became an intoxicating sensation. Lazlow moaned incoherently as he tried to thrust his hips up into Sylvan’s mouth. That hand on his hips though kept him fairly steady, and Sylvan’s mouth popped off his length and moved to kiss the inside of Lazlow’s thighs. A small whine escaped Lazlow’s lips at the newfound chill of air. His hips tried to buck up again, looking for something warm to hold him again like Sylvan’s mouth had, but Sylvan held his hips still.

A third finger entered now. Lazlow’s back arched as he brought his arm up to his face and hid his eyes with his forearm. He was suddenly glad that Sylvan took his mouth away as even lewder cries flowed out of him. That third finger and Sylvan’s lips on the sensitive skin of his legs nearly sent Lazlow over the edge.

After minutes of those three fingers pumping deep into Lazlow, the young drow gasped as the fingers pulled out of him entirely. Sylvan’s lips had disappeared from his thighs as well. Lazlow felt hollow now without Sylvan’s fingers inside of him, stretching him and making him full. He lifted his arm up and looked at Sylvan desperately, ready to whine for more. As he opened his mouth to beg though, his voice died on his lips at the sight looming above him.

The tall man had sat up from his position in between Lazlow’s legs and licked the palm of his hand, coating it in a thick layer of spit, then ran it up and down his own length. Lazlow watched the display and felt his dick twitch again. He watched Sylvan’s hand stroke up and down, up and down, all while Sylvan’s gaze looked down hungrily at Lazlow’s naked body. Lazlow loved that look when it was Sylvan’s pink eyes staring at him.

“Would you prefer to be on your back or your knees?”

Lazlow didn’t quite understand what came next, but if he had his choice… “I’d like to face you.”

Sylvan looked down with that kind smile, then grabbed Lazlow’s hips and pulled them towards his pelvis. “Then I’m going to need you to spread your legs.”

Lazlow did so without objection. He would do anything Sylvan asked right now if it meant being closer to him. If it already felt this good, Lazlow wanted to know how much closer he could get and how much better it could feel being consumed by Sylvan. As Sylvan positioned himself between Lazlow’s legs, he held Lazlow up and stuck himself inside slowly. Just the tip had Lazlow moaning like the whore he was. His back arched like earlier, but he did his best not to move and mess up the position. He couldn’t buck too much until Sylvan was deeper inside.

Sylvan slowly thrust his hips forward, and Lazlow now understood the point of the prep. This is what it was for. He didn’t want to imagine what this would’ve felt like without the past ten minutes or so. Sylvan was able to slip further in with little resistance, and when his whole length was inside Lazlow, he sat still for a moment as Lazlow’s body adjusted.

“Damn… I’m surprised how deep you are…” Sylvan said slightly out of breath. Lazlow was back to covering his eyes, his mouth agape. His lips wished for something to touch them, his tongue for something to do. Gods, if he could suck Sylvan’s cock while being taken, he would suck it like it was his last meal.

“Ready?” Sylvan asked, his voice slightly husky now. Lazlow nodded slightly, then felt Sylvan move out and slowly bury himself back in. Lazlow groaned, his hands gripping at those strong, corded arms of Sylvan’s. It was unlike anything he had ever felt before. It was incredible. Had Sylvan already hit that special spot? Lazlow didn’t know, and honestly, he didn’t care. If it felt this good already, then Lazlow was more than happy.

Sylvan’s hips began to pace a bit quicker, his body pushing deeper and deeper with every thrust. Lazlow gripped Sylvan’s shoulders and moved his hips in rhythm with Sylvan’s. Anything for him to push in deeper. He needed Sylvan. He needed him like he needed air in his lungs and blood in his veins.

“Sylvan… please…” he panted through each thrust.

“What do you need?” Sylvan asked. He leaned forward and rested a hand next to Lazlow’s head, the other resting on Lazlow’s thigh and helping Lazlow’s hips maintain the angle needed to stay inside. Lazlow’s legs wrapped around Sylvan’s torso, pulling him close and pushing him in further.

“You…” Lazlow said through gasps. His hands moved from clutching those strong shoulders to grabbing at Sylvan’s beautiful loose hair and neck. “I need you. Please.”

Lazlow pulled Sylvan in for a kiss that was deep and heated. Lazlow was entirely lost in ecstasy now. This was a new side of himself he had never known existed. Based on his times with his mistress, he didn’t think he was capable of enjoying sex like this, but here he was with a fire building in his lower half that felt like it could explode at any minute.

“Do you want me to come inside you?” Sylvan asked. His breath was becoming shorter and his thrusts quicker.

“Gods, yes. Please. Anything.” Sylvan took the answer and bucked deep into Lazlow. That’s when Lazlow felt that secret spot. Holy shit, Sylvan wasn’t kidding. He did feel incredible. Lazlow felt his voice nearly disappear when it was hit once and everything around him went fuzzy. Then Sylvan hit it again, and again, and again. He started hitting it in rapid succession and Lazlow couldn’t handle it anymore. Lazlow was seeing stars and felt like his body was about to move to another plane of existence.

“Sylvan, I’m going to…” Lazlow couldn’t even finish his statement. Sylvan understood though and moved even faster, pulling Lazlow’s hips close and moving his grip up to Lazlow’s ass. “Please… Let me…” Lazlow whined.

“You don’t need to ask.” Sylvan said, nearly on the brink himself. At those words, Lazlow felt himself come undone. His voice caught in his throat and he felt his entire body spasm. His body clenched around Sylvan, and Sylvan began to climax as well in response. He buried himself entirely in Lazlow, pushing himself in even deeper and riding out the orgasm until neither of them had anything left. When all was done, neither of them could bear to move. Sylvan hung over Lazlow and looked down at the young drow covered in his own semen, keeping himself sheathed inside his younger companion and savoring the heat a bit longer. Lazlow had to breathe deep to stop himself from passing out from ecstasy. 

There was a fog over Lazlow’s vision. He didn’t know what had just happened, but he felt like he had just seen an entirely new world. He didn’t even know sex between men was possible, but now it was all he wanted. As the lusty haze cleared from his mind, Lazlow’s mind began to pace, thinking about what the rules were for consorts engaging in acts like this. It was made fairly clear that a consort wasn’t supposed to sleep with any other women, but what about men? What if they were consorts in the same harem? The subject was never breached during all his years of education, and now Lazlow didn’t know if he had just broken a serious rule or not.

His mind was brought back to the shoddy room they shared when Sylvan finally pulled himself out of Lazlow. Without him there, Lazlow felt hollow, but this time he wasn’t entirely empty. He remembered that Sylvan had finished inside of him and felt the warm semen dripping down his skin. He was full of Sylvan now, even though Sylvan sat across from him. Lazlow felt an excited shiver run down his body as he thought about being full of the man he adored.

He watched as Sylvan immediately stood from the bed and began to dress. He moved to the other side of the room and grabbed Lazlow’s shirt, then tossed it to the drow he just fucked senseless.

“Come on, we should start heading back.”

[jeffgerstmann]

Was listening to a Bombcast from 2009 and have to ask, do you still have a sealed copy of The Matrix Online?

The answer would appear to be yes.

[peacereturnedtothevalley]

I am Starting scallion (sort of). I’m listening to the intro to FatT episode that was technically created later than it is on the feed. So it would placed somewhere around partizan? Very funny to me conceptually to only to relisten to this once I hit that point.

Anyways it’s so fascinating how much things changes since even this intro was made… im just going to list a bunch of things:

- Austin mentions we might’ve heard them from emojidrome, waypoint radio, or a giant bombcast guest (rip rip and rip) (I guess giant bomb is still going I just assumed it died for some reason),

- sangfielle didn’t exist yet so it wasn’t there as another starting point

- c/w is still austin’s fav season (he still likes it but he mentioned in a gathering info that its not the end all be all which is good)

- it’s the old patreon structure

- and tm is still enemy #1 (was just not mentioned at all, which makes sense for not being a starting recommendation but I think at the point of release I could not have imagined how much tm will matter in palisade and how much I will be vindicated as a stan-)

Based on this do they need a new intro, idk. Most of the recs hold up (fall of magic, marielda, partizan) but maybe they want to include sangfielle on there

Wah the fall of magic theme at the end…

[news247planet]

#Giant #Presents #AEW Large Bomb Presents: Energy Bombcast: Lengthy Boiz https://news247planet.com/?p=846392

[breakingarrows]

Games Media in Review: Giant Bomb

I don’t have as long a history with Giant Bomb as I do IGN or Kinda Funny but the love and enjoyment from when I was a fan is definitely equal to those two. I have strong memories of listening to the Giant Bomb Game of the Year discussions in 2014 while pushing shopping carts around outside the Wal-Mart I worked at. I was a premium subscriber from June 2016 until I let it expire in March 2022. About a year ago I sat down to try and narrow down what my personal “golden age” of Giant Bomb was by counting the various shows or highlights put out in each year, this narrowed it down to the 2017-2019 period as being the strongest. Drew Scanlon’s departure was softened by the hiring of Abby Russell and Ben Pack, later joined by Jan Ochoa. Abby and Ben’s later departure, the COVID pandemic making in-person recordings no longer possible, and the later departures of Vinny Caravella, Alex Navarro, and Brad Shoemaker pretty much killed any and all enthusiasm I had for the site. Jeff Gerstmann’s firing (still such a strange warped reflection of his firing from GameSpot due to external ad-pressure which led to founding Giant Bomb, now being fired from that website) didn’t help any interest that may have remained, especially given the site’s response following his sudden departure.

Watching and listening to the current Giant Bomb for these past two weeks has been the most disappointing experience of this series so far. Kinda Funny may not have very strong critical bones, and I can’t say Giant Bomb really does either, both are more to provide entertainment than thoughtful critiques, but only one of them ever provided any laughs: Kinda Funny. I know some of this has to do with finding Dan Ryckert more obnoxious than funny, but also just the overall content I watched (34 videos checking over my YouTube history) wasn’t very fun to watch along with.

When discussing Kinda Funny I mentioned their adherence to enthusiast press talk of excitement and positivity above all else, and while I don’t think that is true of Giant Bomb, I did find their critical talk similarly lacking. Most of it I can attribute to the shadow Dan Ryckert casts over the site. Dan loves wrestling, and specifically loves reenacting the role of the “heel” from wrestling in his work life, a term referring to someone who plays the bad guy who is supposed to make the audience and other cast members mad at them for their behavior. Dan finds this funny, I find it obnoxious. At least during his previous employment at Giant Bomb he had Jeff Gerstmann, Vinny Caravella, and his fellow GameInformer coworker turned Giant Bomb staff Jason Oestreicher to somewhat counter his heel tendencies. All of them are gone now and it shows. During the Giant Bombcast 808 Dan explains why he didn’t like Red Dead Redemption 2 or The Lord of the Rings around 1:42:37, and it was at an early point in my watching that I began to question whether or not I really wanted to continue. It isn’t that I disagree with the opinion being expressed, that either can be/is “boring,” but it is the way this thought is explained that irritates me. This feeling is expressed by others as well. This has always been an issue with people when watching Dan, as I remember my wife never liked him once he started showing up in Giant Bomb east videos with Abby. To me, I’ve always found his critical thought skills severely lacking, and am still surprised he was a writer at GameInformer and for several years and was contributing his voice to the greater critical volume.

Blight Club is their “playing through a bad game” show, but since bad games are so different from bad movies, especially given the time required and the lack of any editing on the backend (which is completely understandable from a production standpoint), it never reaches the sort of fever pitch of RedLetterMedia’s Best of the Worst series revolving around watching bad movies together. I also just don’t find the concept of dressing up in cheap halloween costumes that amusing. Additionally, they’re never together; they're always on video calls with each other, something which really killed a lot of game coverage/channels for me when COVID hit. No more Business Dave Top 10’s on UPF as everyone was working from home now. This has led to some hijinks, such as Dan using layers to replay video during livestreams to the bewilderment of the participants. Again, the specter of his character casts a shadow that makes it something I find mildly amusing instead of laugh out loud funny. Zoom/Discord video chat recordings just do not have the same energy as being in the room together. It is unfortunate because I do support remote work but there is just something magical lost when you transition from doing UPF in the same room together to doing it over a video chat service. This is primarily why I never kept up with Nextlander despite consisting of the Giant Bomb members I’ve followed the longest, and would likely kill Jeff Gerstmann’s channel for me if he ever ends up expanding beyond being a solo show.

The Bombcast continues to be their general gaming podcast of “whatcha been playing?+news+reader emails”, Voicemail Dumptruck is an extension of reader emails in voicemail form. Quick Looks remain a varying-in-length playthrough of recent releases. Unprofessional Fridays are still mostly a grab bag of cooperative games to play together. Game Mess Mornings is the newest show to me, but is basically a version of Kinda Funny Games Daily, itself a version of many familiar morning shows viewed everywhere that runs through the news, now with commentary from Jeff Grubb and a guest. Demo Derby returned recently though with Dan at the wheel it went about as well as I thought it would, that is: he called Final Fantasy X [ten] “Final Fantasy X [x]”  and called Final Fantasy X-2 “Final Fantasy Twelve” to annoy Mike Minotti and beat it into the ground by the end of the demo.

In addition to the standard shows they also have Mortal Kombat playthroughs, and miscellaneous streams such as F-Zero 99 and Counter Strike 2. Checking the video feed from even just a year ago and I was wishing I had done this then instead of now as my perspective would probably be much more popular. They had these shows plus Albummer and Arcade Pit. Two years ago they didn’t have Arcade Pit but did have Bak 2 Skool, VoidBurgers Hot Takeouts, and the Very Online Show. Not only was the video feed more varied but the community was more populated. Comparing the most commented video for the last couple of weeks in September from 2013-2023 paints a pretty bad picture.

Essentially the trend has been ever downwards for the community participation on the site. I previously used comment counts to gauge the audience size of IGN versus GameSpot, and here on Giant Bomb comments on their main site are even more valuable due to their premium subscription. Prior to June 2022 when all premium shows were made free and premium subscription was changed to give you behind the scenes stuff and discord access (though knowing how discord works for large communities this is not a benefit for all but the terminally online), premium would get you exclusive shows like Unprofessional Fridays (where the crew would each bring a game of their choosing to play and show off for the others or for entertainment), Metal Gear Scanlon, Playdates, Game Tapes, Demo Derby, Mario Party Party, and many more. It is important to note in the chart above that prior to the change, five of the nine top commented videos were premium videos, meaning you also needed a subscription in order to comment.

A lot of Giant Bomb’s best content was on these premium shows, but now with premium no longer having any exclusive content, at least none that appear on the site’s premium feed, there doesn’t appear to be much draw to give them money. This conduit of funding was previously what set Giant Bomb apart from most other games media sites before the advent of Patreon, as their fan’s directly helped fund them meaning they could rely on more than just click-through rates to earn them money. Nowadays, with dwindling community engagement, I’m not so sure they have solid footing, especially given the ownership changes and layoffs. CBS sold off Gamespot, Giant Bomb, and CNET to Red Ventures in September 2020. Red Ventures then turned around and sold off everyone but CNET to Fandom in October 2022. Despite promises to keep things as they were, Fandom laid off around 40-50 people in January 2023, including Jess O’Brien and Jason Oestreicher of Giant Bomb.

Other signs of diminished community are that qlcrew has essentially stopped updating its member tags, instead pretty much serving as an RSS feed for the new content but still remains a great filter for older content based on timestamps and tags. Best of Giant Bomb stopped uploading in mid-2021 and has returned for monthly installments for the back half of 2022 and only three videos for 2023 as of this writing. The subreddit is clogged with posts from Jeff Gerstmann and Nextlander, speculation about potential drama and collaboration between those two new channels, and the usual doom-posting about the site you often find on dedicated subreddits. Some of that doom is warranted, however, not only by the comment metrics but also the YouTube views. Out of IGN, GameSpot, Kinda Funny, and Kinda Funny Games for the past four weeks of uploads (discluding trailers), Giant Bomb is at the bottom with an average of 6.68k and GameSpot surprisingly at the top with 257k average view, mostly thanks to their “ALL Fatalities - Mortal Kombat 1 4K Gameplay” video hitting 5.7 million views. Kinda Funny with 12.65k average, nearly twice as many as Giant Bomb, is the second-to-last ranking.

I’m just not sure what you can do with Giant Bomb at this point. I’m sure the backlog of premium content doesn't help with server costs, and with a low view count on YouTube and a guaranteed lower premium subscriber base than ever before I’m just not sure how long you can expect them around, especially given how much they rely on outside staff to help pump up the staff count and variety on their content. It’s sad to see how far the site has fallen. Despite my complaints I think Dan Ryckert is a capable production lead, some of the shows he created for old Giant Bomb were among the best (Burgle my Bananas and Mario Party Party), and I don’t have any ill will or blame for the individuals currently working there. It just is sad to be so disappointed returning to a channel that was once so beloved, and to see that this sentiment appears to be the prevailing one amongst the, admittedly, minority of online forum posters.

[best2daynews]

The Community Spotlight 2023.08.12 - trending

Welcome to the latest edition of the Giant Bomb Community Spotlight! I, @zombiepie, am once again honored to be your host as we look back at the best community creations from the previous week. Once again, the staff and site apologizes that a scheduling issue has prevented Jeff Jarrett from being on the Bombcast Dump Truck. Nonetheless, rest assured that guest-related issues normally do not…

[therealturbosushi]

A Dedication and Making Sense of Ganbare Neopoke-kun ガンバレねおぽけくん（＠攻略）

“Still-a-Threat” Jeff of jeff.zone (and BTW did someone really wonder whether he had lost his threatness?!) remarked this summer on the disappearance of an online game writeup in Japanese. The writeup of which El Jefe speaks is the mild-mannered anonymous game blog entry currently locatable only via la Machine de retour  @ https://web.archive.org/web/20201015072442/http://detteiugames.rash.jp/gameclear/neopoke/index.html. Apparently there isn’t much in English or even Japanese to be found about the strat for this 2000 Neo Geo game, so the loss of that blog page could be painful for gamers wishing to make sense of this game.

Newcomers to the mind of the jeff.zone proprietor may not yet know that the thousands of games of all scopes and flavors and platforms and audiences being lost annually to the sands of time, even if only due to language and usability barriers, is a topic of sincere concern to El Jefe Gmann’s all-seeing, all-thumbsticking uberwatchmen-ism on behalf of the medium’s preservation and appreciation. 

In this case, I take it Jeff simply wanted to make sense of the finer points of this dang game without the time investment to wrassle a fan translation. I have just enough caffeine and funemployment to help him today! Not to mention the ton of debt to him I owe that I will in fact mention at length now. I owe him incalculable gratitude for giving us his best self over so many years, and hopefully in years to come. He has been an invigorating THOUGHT LEADER (there, I said it) in my ear over 14 years and a dozen audio devices now dead. Both his most elegant and most brutish convictions about product and industry I consumed feverishly even as I crisscrossed the globe in my salad days. For example, as I befell the wonky SFO night schedule for BART. And as I transferred planes in Amsterdam. As I waited in line to hold a koala bear in Perth. As I walked home in Tokyo after missing the last train. As I looked out the window drinking lemonade. As I raged on my keyboard at failing to get GB swag in my size before it sold out. As I was perusing yard sales. As Brazilians and I hunted for an affordable case of limes for a caipirinha party. As I rode my motorcycle to go hear my brother perform his music (in Petaluma, no less!). As I got ready for dates by fussing over the thicker hair I used to have. As I trekked in Nepal. (I have a video somewhere of a solo trek moment with the Bombcast playback audible shortly before a troop of wild monkeys scared the bejesus out of me.) As I sat down at overcrowded restaurants knowing it would take an hour to get an order. As I paused life weekly, under any circumstances, to listen to the cutting reviews and adjacent lifestyles of a talented journalist posse helmed by one J.G. I’ve listened to him dismantle the missed opportunities of several games I’ve worked on, each time to my squeal of delight that my work had crossed his desk in a miniscule way, even if he did not care for the product weaknesses that we in the dev studio too had hoped would not stink as much as they did. At stages when I questioned whether I could literally afford the sometimes immature business practices among my games company employers, Jeff’s rightful (not righteous) chastising of developers, publishers and gamers in all corners of the industry and media circus helped me to contextualize my own career in the industry, and to feel okay that I’m still working in it. He has helped. Tremendously. All hail Jeff’s ethos for what the video games future should be and occasionally shows glimpses of becoming, even as new releases fail to impress, like clockwork, annually. I continue to be enthralled with video games work but never more predictably than at the last minute of an extended dose of Jeff’s insights which rejuvenate me by leeching his belief in a just and brighter video games future. Likewise, my compass spins and I go hungry in the weeks where Jeff is all about wrestling and streaming hardware. Though it’s just as often that those moments lead to such wondrous tales as The White Car and other dubious entities in his LoS, and so I accommodate his attention that spans many an interest. Jeff, of course you didn’t do the ↓ and Bombcast alone, but Ryan Bradley Vincent wouldn’t or perhaps even couldn’t have reached their heights of entertaining gravitas without your staunch Jeffness. You kicked off this strange and darkening century in the best way possible for so many by putting yourself out there and giving a voice to things that we cared about but couldn’t address by our merely reposting Zero Punctuation links. May you know well of the mass good you have done, and may you feel at peace with the fatigue(s) that your soul may be “wearing” this year after the long journey thus far, and may your stride and aim continue to be True AF. In case the bait of Neopoke-kun is the only chance I get to communicate with you, I wanted to make sure it contains this proper Thank You. 

</heartfeltDigression>

And now, the page Jeff was seeking. And more! If you’re in need of a How To then you’ll want to read to the end. Really. I���d planned to merely post a MT of Jeff’s desired page two four several hours ago when I created this tumblr account but actually I’ll put some elbow grease on this and elaborate on the hoped-for strat guide, and on another strat guide that I found on my own today, to make this post worthy of every reader’s patience.

In the J2E (ja-JP_en-US, if you must) translations I’ve used my best gamer intuition about where to invoke singular versus plural. I did not, however, use my best translator manners to retain phrasing, with the excuse that I’m trying to help explain vagaries, not stay faithful to wording (that itself might have been summarizing other texts anyway). Against my better judgement of how I should spend my day I also watched two 25 minute gameplay VODs on YT to triage the more esoteric statements. Lastly, I removed all original parentheses on Jeff’s requested page so that I could use parentheses for my own commentary with an Ed callout. In the second aka deliberate strat page, I’ve left parentheses as they were used in Japanese.

Here we go, starting the Wayback Machine crawl recall with my presentation of “Jeff’s Page” a.k.a. the blog he cited and wanted to find.

//##Begin Ganbare Neopoke-kun Strat Guide Blog Page

★ Intro Ganbare Neopoke-kun is a game in which you make 30 different games by keeping this fairy of Neopoke in a good mood. In the beginning the games created are of the Cassette Vision variety, then gradually become more elaborate. I fondly recall the discount store Don Quixote selling this game bundled with the handheld for 1000 yen a long time ago. Nowadays, together with the box and booklet the bundle would cost almost 10000 yen.

★ How to Easily Get Neopoke-kun to Make a Game If Neopoke-kun isn't in a good mood, you won't be able to get him to make games. There are two ways to control his mood. 1: Twirl (Ed: Move) the levers. (Ed: I solved what for some will be the mystery of the word “lever”: See the 25-minute gameplay Part 1  video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPDUK6-jKbY at 15m 32s where the player gets a Japanese graphical text description of a dev-complete mini-game. At the end of the description is the Japanese phonetic spelling レバー   for the English word lever and beside it are the D-pad symbols for Left Right Up Down.) 2: Use the A button to attract visitors. Avoid method 1 because this’ll lead to a lot of events in the game that will upset him. Method 2 has a level of risk based on the characters that appear. So if a mood-lowering character appears (Ed: list below), you should Reset. If anything other than that, you should Save. Using this approach over a number of hours can result in all the mini-games being created. By “reset” I mean the convenient Soft Reset! Simultaneously press A + B + Option buttons. However, if you do method 2′s reset five times in a row, the door explodes and his mood turns bad. For that reason, on the 5th straight time, either reset or try playing a mini-game. If you only ever do method 2, you won’t get him to make games, so visit the mini game screen regularly! (Ed: "Screen” refers to the development status screen of 6 pages and the games within. And BTW on those pages it’ll be useful for you to understand that the dev-complete mini-games receive simple names in Japanese, whereas the dev-WIP games are captioned with their percentage toward completion.)

Mood-ruining characters to watch out for:

A bratty housewife who kicks the door.

G-Man, bringing a gunfight.

Onoda, an astral projection old man.

Catherine, a dog in clothing that in one event shits its pants. (Ed: See gameplay video Part 2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnkiPZO2_rs#t=302s at 5m 02s, if so inclined.)

Bunka Senta, who wields tree branch clippers.

Gokutsubushi, a samurai who wields a sword and attacks a ninja inside the wall.

Jane, a tornado (Ed: or a dragon?).

Knight Rider, a bat that disturbs his sleep by ultrasound. 

Note, even these characters can do things at times that don’t negatively impact his mood.

☆ (Ed: The 4 screencaps shown on the blog page are as follows.) Title screen, various visitors, a simple game typical of his first games developed, and a more complex game typical of his games developed later. 

//##end Blog Page aka Jeff’s Page

After watching gameplay videos I was wondering whether the author's list of negative-mood event characters might be incomplete when BAM I found a “deliberate” walkthrough @ https://web.archive.org/web/20080704091533/http://www.geocities.co.jp/Playtown-Bingo/9553/np/ken/npkun.html If accurate, this page could be a great companion, if not an even greater one. (FYI walkthroughs for other games are reachable through the parent page, I noticed.)

I won’t translate this entire strat page’s characters list but here’s a tailwind for you in the form of nice clean English for the instructions section. I’ll include the Japanese, too, for navigation, and so that language enthusiasts can validate the meaning (I don’t intend to stick to the source text’s phrasing).

//##Begin intentional-looking walkthrough page for Ganbare Neopoke-kun

（１）とりあえず訪問者を２回呼ぶ。（Ａボタンを押す。）

Summon visitors 2 times. (Use the A button.) 

（２）下の表を参考に、２回とも機嫌がよくなる訪問者であればセーブする。 　　　どちらかが機嫌が悪くなる訪問者であればリセットして（１）からやりなおし。

Referencing the list of characters, Save if both times the visitors are in the good mood list, or Reset if either of the visitors are in the bad mood list. Reset by going back to begin again at step 1.

（３）（１）と（２）を３～４回繰り返す。

Repeat steps 1 and 2, three to four times.

（４）何かミニゲームで遊ぶ。（遊ばなくてもいいかも）

Play one of the mini-games. (Even though it might actually be fine not to do so.)

（５）ねおぽけくんの部屋へ戻ると、高確率で作ってくれます。 　　　作ってくれない時は（４）へ。 　　　何度かやっても無理なときは（１）からやり直してみてください。 Return to Neopoke’s apartment and you’ll have a high probability of getting him to make a game. 

If not, return to step 4.

If this part just isn’t working for you as described after several tries, try starting over at step 1.  この方法を使えば効率よくミニゲームが集まるハズです。

This method should have a good chance of getting the mini-games completed.

//##End deliberate walkthrough page

Heads up, this second walkthrough asserts that a 9th visitor is on the Bad Mood list who is missing in the first walkthrough: the lookalike. (Odd, as I’ve seen what I think is encounters with the lookalike result in a happy-looking Neopoke-kun. So perhaps the point was true in the first walkthrough that even the Bad Mood list of entities can also have positive or neutral outcomes.)

Before ending my inaugural and highly meandering post, I pause to salute a fandom.com SNK page for its dated link to a fantastic and relevant relic of the Neopoke-kun era, of more interest to me personally than the game itself: 

https://web.archive.org/web/20001006112056/www.neogeo.co.jp/neopocke_kun/index.html Aside from the now adorable tech limitations and web culture of July 2000 (the apology at the top in Japanese is precious), pay attention to the table containing links. Those are downloadable mini-games from among the 30 in the main game, used as marketing demos! I was able to download the games from https://web.archive.org/web/20001210084700fw_/http://www.neogeo.co.jp/neopocke_kun/mini/game.html#mini_game and had limited success in running one of them called Yabou (a nod to Nobunaga’s Ambition) under Win XP SP2 compatibility mode. I couldn’t get past the samurai selection screen without it crashing but that it launched at all feels miraculous. The directly downloaded .exe is actually a self-decompressing file that produces a folder of a handful of files amounting to no more than half a megabyte, including the game executable. If you’re able to get into any of the games, try left-right arrow keys and space bar as controls. And if you succeeded at running the mini-games on Win 10/11, please post here how you did it. It’d be great if you don’t just post “dosbox you dumbass” as this is an opportunity to help others more than it is to insult my ignorance. Anyone who has read this far surely enjoys Jeff recounting the days of game demos (even if they did tend to cripple the main product’s release timeline). Hopefully these playables are a fun belated marketing easter egg for some of you to discover the existence of. 

In closing, a word to Jeff’s firstborn. You may be reading this in 2037 and the world may lack food, water, oxygen. We may be in a society where electricity for gaming is a real-life murder meta game. Things might be really bleak. But know that your father has been a pillar of good sense and the human equivalent of a carbon sink, probably in the lives of many besides just me. Could you cut him some slack if he didn’t buy you an electric pony or if he misses part of your first hologram DJ gig. I trust that he’s doing everything that he can for you. He certainly appears to have done everything in his power to help the rest of us. 

[giantbombnonsense]

When moving a pinball table, heed the words of professionals. #Bombcast712

[currentkick]

Giant Bomb | Brad Shoemaker, Vinny Caravella, & Alex Navarro Leaving

Giant Bomb's Brad Shoemaker, Vinny Caravella, & Alex Navarro Are Leaving #giantbomb

Brad Shoemaker, Vinny Caravella, and Alex Navarro announced today via the Giant Bombcast on Twitch, that they are leaving Giant Bomb. This Bombcast was their final podcast and their last day will be Friday, 5/7/21. This one hits hard, folks. https://twitter.com/VinnyCaravella/status/1389680247273099266 I have been a fan of Giant Bomb since even before, day one. Look through my Video Game…

[mattkoelling]

TGIF, Folks…heading into the first Friday of 2023 with a fresh ep of Da Bombcast for yoūse. Have a great weekend.✌️❤️🦅🍾🎊🥁💣. “Volume 13: Back On The Scene, Crispy & Clean” #np on #soundcloud #linkinbio (at Lil' Drummaboy Recordings) https://www.instagram.com/p/CnE8RDoOg4b/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[rebelmime]

[giantbombunprofessional]

This is still one of my favorite Bombcast segments.