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bts-weverse-trans · 4 years

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201127 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jungkook

Jung Kook: “I hope this feeling never fades” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.27

I had a chance to interview BTS before, when they debuted. During that interview, Jung Kook had one small habit; when I met him again a while later, he had corrected it. He makes a conscious effort to change himself. And after seven years, I met Jung Kook again.

You directed the music video for “Life Goes On,” BE’s title song. Jung Kook: I was really eager to direct the music video from the outset. My plan was to organize the synopsis, discuss it with the music video director I was working with, shoot and edit them, but we were short on time. So I worked on it while sharing ideas with the director. Originally there were a lot of scenes with lip synching in them, but we took some of them out and put in more scenes that conveyed the members’ emotions better. It wasn’t easy to combine scenes, but I think now I know more about how much of everything is needed when shooting a music video.

You had shot the Golden Closet Films and uploaded them to the BTS YouTube channel, and now you shot a music video. Jung Kook: Once we were on location, we had directions for everything we needed to shoot prepared in advance, so I took candid shots of the members here and there with a camera during the shoot. We were filming in a beautiful place so when they asked me to take pictures of them as they wanted to be presented, I did.

What kind of pictures did you take of yourself? Jung Kook: I was just, in them. (laughs) I’m not in the shot for the Golden Closet Films either. I kind of take a back seat. The director had to shoot my parts for the music video, since I couldn’t film myself, so I relaxed a bit. I tried to make the other members look really good when I recorded them. Since this was a BTS music video and not my own, I wanted to show what was happening with every member and the team, not just one individual’s thoughts. Each person who watches the video might feel different, but I wanted to show that we feel what other people feel, that we’re in the same situation.

You get your picture taken a lot, but you don’t pay much attention to the ones you’re in. Jung Kook: I never really liked having my picture taken. (laughs) And I’m usually with the others when we’re working, obviously, but it’s hard to take a camera and take selfies. So I take pictures and videos of the other members every chance I get.

Do you still find it difficult to have your picture taken? Jung Kook: I put my best face forward when it’s for something I have to do, like for photo books, but it’s still not easy. Videos are okay, though. And even though I’m not nervous at all when I sing in front of tens of thousands of people, if I have to sing or talk in front of a small group, I get super nervous. I never feel that way on stage, but maybe I have a hard time doing things that are a little bit awkward for me.

It seems like you draw a distinction between work you enjoy and work you find difficult. Jung Kook: Work related to music, like recording, composing, writing lyrics, filming music videos and things like that, are all fine. But anything outside of that is probably a challenge for me.

On BE, you each explained your feelings about work in the song “Dis-ease.” You must have experienced a cycle of enjoyable and difficult work over seven years, so how did you get through the hard times? Jung Kook: I actually understand my own problems well, so most of the time it’s okay. I can figure things out one at a time through experience instead of just looking for answers. I’m always growing and my personality changes, depending on my environment. I think I’ve learned to do things I used to find difficult by experiencing it little by little.

Speaking of growth, “Skit” was very memorable. You recorded it the day after “Dynamite” reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and you, who talked about what you did before you became trainees in “Skit” in your debut album,talked about being first place on the Billboard Hot 100 this time around. Jung Kook: When I was a trainee, I saw the older members rapping and thought, “Wow, they’re so cool!” But now, after having spent everyday together, I’ve forgotten about all that. (laughs) Sometimes I see the lyrics they wrote, see them dancing and hearing the things they say on stage, and think, “Oh, right. That is the kind of person they are. They’re a lot different now.” You know how you don’t feel it when you live with your family, but if you can’t see them for a long time, you miss them. You might even cry. We’re a real family. Like, legit! (laughs)

Your “legit family” (laughs) each put their own songs on BE and came up with units spontaneously. What was it like making the album that way? Jung Kook: We talked with the company over the outline of the album and organized our ideas together. That was our process for making songs. Then we’d listen to them together, and if we thought they weren’t great, we’d go back and work on them some more. The members would get together and say, “Hey, how about so and so do a unit song this time?” or, “What should it be about?” and share a lot of ideas that way.

How did the others respond to your song, “Stay”? Jung Kook: That song was originally meant to be on my mixtape. We planned to put a different song on the album, but after V heard it, he said, “This song that Jung Kook wrote is really good,” and then the other members all listened, said it was better than the other one, and somehow (laughs) “Stay” made it into the album. The message for the other song was also, “Even though we’re far apart, stay just where you are.” I wrote my song with the same theme so I loved that it was included in BE. At first, I wanted to talk about how we’re always together, using the English word “wherever.” I wanted to express how we’re always together no matter where we are, but Namjoon heard that and said “Stay” might be better. I liked his suggestion, so I changed it. He really helped me to organize my thoughts, since I’m not always good at writing everything I want to express.

One might go as far as to say the lyrics sound heartbreaking, but it’s arranged in EDM. Jung Kook: We imagined we were performing for the fans while we made it, jumping up and down with them.

It sounds like you really miss your fans. Jung Kook: This album really hit us in a different way, with this situation being what it is. Because the world is struggling with COVID-19, we have to keep our heads up and convey our messages to our fans.

What can your fans expect from you when you finally meet again? Jung Kook: There’s nothing specific, but when I watched our old performances, my facial expressions were awkward and my dance moves weren’t always perfect. I keep working to improve myself, so I hope when the fans see me, they think my performance is amazing and that my aura fills the stage.

Are you happy with how you look in your latest work? Jung Kook: I’m not 100% satisfied, no. When we did performances for “Dynamite” recently I kept seeing my imperfections.

Your acting in the intro to your “Dynamite” performance was really impressive. Even in COVID-19 times, you captured a feeling of liveliness and being cool, as though to explain what the song is all about. Jung Kook: Actually, on the first day of filming the music video, I was supposed to film my parts first, but I was so bad that it had to be pushed to the end of the shoot. So,I was a bit more relaxed when the camera rolled.

So that’s what you get when you’re relaxed! (laughs) Jung Kook: Yes, I relaxed, and something went “pop!” and “boom!” inside me, and then I did it however I wanted. (laughs)

It’s fascinating how someone who performs the way you do during stadium tours can feel nervous while filming and yet still do so well in it. Jung Kook: I can be a shy person. When people used to ask me to sing, I couldn’t always do it—like in front of adults or teachers. And I’m still a bit like that. If I start thinking, “Oh, I can’t do this,” then I really end up not being able to do it. Even when I could have done well.

Why do you think that is? Jung Kook: I feel the same way about my dancing and my singing, and I can’t compose a really amazing melody either. I feel like I’m always somewhere in the middle. But then I also think I have my own colors, so I like to quietly, slowly open up to people, and let them know what kind of person I am. Yeah, something like that. (laughs)

But, when you review your songs and performances objectively, you see all of your changes, don’t you? Jung Kook: There’s a lot of change. My voice has changed a lot; I grew taller and my frame and facial structure have changed, too. I could tell how awkward I looked at the beginning, but after a while, I think, “My gestures look better now, but I feel like my dance is too rigid.” And again after a while, “Now my dance is fine and my gestures are good, but I’m making awkward facial expressions.” And later, I say, “Now I got the facial expressions down, but, hmm, there’s no killer move.” (laughs) That’s how I slowly changed. And then my actions, thoughts, dreams, goals, what I value, what I want to do—all these things will change depending on the situation.

You had some changes in BE, too. Throughout “Life Goes On,” you lightly carry your voice and tone throughout the whole song, like they’re flowing. Jung Kook: Right. I think that’s very important. My general feeling was my voice should be woven into the song, rather than bringing out my individual voice. The lyrics say the world stopped, but I can’t keep on being sad, and life continues and flows on. I wanted to mix a little bit of my own colors into that complex, subtle sadness. I listened to how the other members recorded their parts for the song, and I sang while thinking about how I could do it in a way that it would all blend together well. I kept changing my voice exploring how to make it sound better, cleaner. I kept trying new things while I was recording, performing, and practicing.

When you look back after all that change, don’t you feel like you accomplished a lot? Jung Kook: I don’t really pay attention to things that have already happened. I think more about what it is I need right now, so I rarely think, “I got a lot better from how I used to be,” or, “I did a good job.”

You sound insatiable, in a good way. Jung Kook: Yes. This is how I want to keep living, and I hope this feeling never fades.

You’ve found immense success with BTS. What makes you want to keep doing more and keep improving yourself? Jung Kook: I want to show people who I am: how I talk, how I act, how I sing, and so on. And after that, I want to be acknowledged for doing what I like to do, and for people to see what an amazing guy I am. I want to do these things step by step. I want to be appreciated as Jung Kook, as the real me.

What do you think is the source of that energy—the energy to keep proving yourself, even though you’ve already achieved so much with BTS? Jung Kook: I think my heart’s telling me to. BTS was able to climb this high thanks to the group members, the company and our fans. But there’s always the question of whether I could receive that kind of recognition by myself, so I have this feeling of wanting to throw myself at some challenge alone. There’s a lot I want to do, and a lot I want to achieve.

By gradually improving yourself, what kind of person would you ideally want to become? Jung Kook: A person who’s crazy awesome in their field. (laughs) Those kinds of people look cool even when they do something different. I still have a long way to go. I feel like I could be more captivating and draw more out of people by improving any number of things, by trying hard to be confident about my singing, or the way I dance and perform. BTS is way more important and meaningful to me than I am to myself, so I’m not saying I want to do anything alone. But I hope I get to the point where I can perform alone for three or four hours in a venue full of people.

It’s clear that your job, music, is very important to you. Jung Kook: I must never let it go. That’s what I always think. I have to keep it close to me, even if I get bored, or I don’t want to hear it, or it feels like a hassle. I want to keep on making music. It may be a long ways down the road, but I want to prove myself with my music.

You said before that your MBTI is ISFP, so I looked it up. Obviously, MBTI can’t sum up a person perfectly, but it says ISFPs tend to be “curious artists.” Your answer reminds me of that. Jung Kook: That sounds about right. I looked up the personality traits for ISFP too, and it was interesting. (laughs)

Maybe that’s the reason you set your goals so high. You seem like you have high standards and want to keep growing. Jung Kook: It’s like a foggy mountain top. (laughs) I can’t even see it yet.

You’ve been climbing for seven years, staying curious. Is there anything you want to say to the people who have been watching you all this time? Jung Kook: Umm … Well, there are seven of us, and the seven of us keep running ahead. So it’s possible we could get tired, one by one, and drop out, right? But if more people join us, one by one, and run with us, we can support each other and pull each other up if someone falls down. That’s kind of how I feel. There are people who supported us from the beginning who have been watching us the whole time since, and because of them our follower count keeps going up, and they all keep us on track. So the only thing I can say is—thank you. We were nothing special, really (laughs) but they keep on liking us and supporting us, and the best way we can repay them is to give them our all through our music and our performances. They push me to work hard, even on things I find difficult. (laughs) I’m eternally grateful.

Just like in the last line of “Stay.” Jung Kook: “We are together.”

Trans © Weverse

#bangtan #jungkook #weverse #weverse magazine #be album #comeback interview #201127 #2020

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elias-code · 3 years

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Two Left Hooves [1/7]

Choose your own adventure ~ "Intro"

Characters: Technoblade x gn!reader, Philza, Eret

Summary: This is a choose-your-own-adventure!! You met Techno through Phil, helping him get rid of his headache after hibernation. He was immediately infatuated with you. Techno invites you to go to Eret's banquet. When you arrive to prepare for the banquet, he tells you that he will only sleep in his room with you if you wanted, now you get to choose if you want to sleep with him or not…

Warnings: Cussing

--- Phil ---

“Hey, Techno,” I peeked my head around the corner, holding the letter behind my back away from his line of sight.

“Hullo,” He turned to me, hands still in his hair, pin sticking out of his mouth. He was braiding his pink hair, unaware that his worst nightmare was about to come true. “So, mate,” I walked in, hands still behind my back, “I got some mail.”

“Mhm,”

“You remember the egg?”

“Yeah, what about it?” He turned back to the mirror, inspecting the last loop he’d made.

“Eret is hosting another banquet,”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, you’re invited,” his face in the mirror went pale, “since you’re the one who yeeted it.”

Techno paused, unmoving. Slowly, he tied the ribbon at the bottom of the braid, securing it with the pin. He made eye contact with me, his eyes were begging me to yell psych! and run out the door. Instead, I held the opened letter, once hidden behind me, up in the air, presenting it to him.

“Phil…”

“Yeah?” I laughed, this was the most scared I’ve ever seen him.

“You’re joking, right?”

“Nope, look.” I shook it at him, flipping it over to show Eret’s handwriting: To Technoblade and Philza Minecraft.

He shuddered slightly, finally turning to me and taking the letter from my hands. It read:

Technoblade and Philza,

This may seem strange and menacing, but I promise it’s not. Ever since the red banquet disaster, I’ve been thinking about how much I think the people of this server need a pick-me-up. We needed a re-do.

So, I’ve decided to host a banquet, this time out in the open with no bullshit. There’ll be drinks, games, and dancing, and I want you to be there. Since you had a lot to do with the egg’s eventual downfall, I personally think you need to be there, Technoblade.

I’ll tell you what I’ve told everyone else. There’s a plus-one requirement for safety reasons (buddy system), and so I’ve addressed this to both of you. I look forward to your attendance! I suggest wearing something else since I don’t want anyone having flashbacks when they see your royal gown.

On the back of the card, Eret wrote the coordinates and information about the dress code. The card had gold decorations on the edges, curling and twisting like vines, dotted with golden roses complete with thorns. The dress code specified that the suggested colours were black, white, blue, and gold, hence the bordering roses.

“Do you own anything you think you could wear?” I asked as he handed the card back to me.

“I still have the Arctic coat, but if this is anywhere near L’Manburg, it’s gonna be too hot for that.”

“Right, I might have to make something for you then,”

“Alright,” He hesitated, “Do I have to go? That’s a lot of enemies in one place…”

“Yeah, sorry mate, you have to go.” I put the card back into the envelope, closing and pocketing it. “Oh, wait, one thing Techno,”

“There’s more?”

“Um, I can’t go.”

“What?” “I can’t go to the banquet,” I was lying, but he didn’t need to know that, “I’m supposed to be at the ocean monument that day.”

“And your fishing can’t wait?” He raised an eyebrow at me and I shrugged. “Who am I supposed to bring?”

“I dunno, mate,” I shrugged and clicked my heel against the floor, “Maybe you can bring that bird I introduced you to… if you can find them.”

— Techno —

“Phil, who’s this?” I had walked into the kitchen, half-dressed. I was not expecting to see someone else sitting at the table. They looked at me, smiling and waving.

“Oh hello sleepyhead,” Phil remarked, stirring the rabbit stew that hung over the fireplace, “I dunno, they don’t seem to have a name.”

“Hello!” I looked back at them. They were dressed in forest green pants, tucked into black boots lined by silver buttons with fancy engravings, laced in leather strips, looped and tied at the top of the boot. Their top was one of mine, an old long-sleeved white cotton top Phil had probably found in the back of the closet. They had a golden-yellow scarf slung over their shoulders. I waved awkwardly, still half asleep.

“You don’t have a name?” I asked, still confused.

“Uh, I guess not. Phil’s the only person I’ve seen in a while.” They said, pointing at him. He was closing the white under-curtains, almost like he was avoiding the interaction.

“Then what do I call you?”

“Phil’s been calling me the bird.”

“Bird, huh?”

“He says it's because I’m migrating.”

That was strange enough as it was, and I decided to leave it there. Talking was making my headache worse, so I walked over to the stew, immediately recognizing the smell of carrots, potatoes, and chicken over the rabbit smell. My stomach grumbled, attempting to convince me to shove my face into the pot and gorge myself, but I pulled back.

“Is it ready yet, Phi?” I asked.

“No, it still has a couple of minutes, don’t go touching it yet. We should all eat together.”

I could wait a bit longer, I supposed. The smell was enticing, but my attention still lingered on the “bird” sitting at the table, reading a book. I sat down at the table and thumped my head onto it, only to make my headache worse.

“Ughhhh,” I groaned.

“You ok?” The bird asked.

“Headache,”

“Ah, I have something for that!” They picked up a bag from the floor and rummaged around in it for a bit before pulling out a small vial of green liquid. They uncorked it and an overwhelming spinach smell washed over me. “It might smell odd, but it works wonders.”

I lifted my head off the table and took the vial from them, inspecting it.

“Is this thing safe to drink?” I furrowed my eyebrows at them, looking for dishonesty.

They snatched it from me and took a swig, swiftly handing it back to me. “Take that as a yes.” They said.

— The Bird —

I knocked on the door, shivering slightly in the cold. I wore three layers, an undershirt, a turtleneck, and a thick coat. I got a letter a couple of days ago from Technoblade, asking me to go to the banquet with him and inviting me to stay at his cabin before the banquet. I accepted and sent the letter the same day since I knew the mail was slow. Just one day later, I hopped on my horse and made my way to the far arctic.

Techno opened the door and ushered me inside, shutting the door behind me.

“Jesus, you’re shivering,” he said, grabbing his cape off its stand and wrapping me with it. Thankfully, my face was already red enough from the cold that he didn’t notice me blush.

“Is your horse outside?”

“Yeah, I tied her up to the post,” I pulled the enormous cloak tighter to me, “but I don’t think she should stay there for long, it's too cold.”

“Alright, I’ll be right back.” He said, turning from me and walking out the door. The sudden freezing breeze pushed me into the living room, near the fire. I sat down in an armchair and Steve wandered over to say hello.

“Hey, Steve…” I offered my hand to him and he sniffed it, grunting in my face with his fishy breath, “You do not smell good, big boy…”

He huffed like he understood what I said and I chuckled. He sat at my feet as I scratched his head. “At least you’re soft, Steve.” You smiled, “Good boy…”

The door opened and slammed again, Techno walked over dusting his hands off and Steve lumbered over to greet him.

“Hello Steve, you’ve inspected them, yeah?” He baby talked at him. The polar bear was big, almost as tall as Techno standing on all fours. It was strange to see such a big man 'baby talk' an apex predator, so you laughed a bit to yourself.

“What?” He asked, patting Steve on the head.

“Nothing, you’re just being cute.”

He smiled and sat himself down on the couch, crossing his legs and looking at you.

“If I’d left you out there any longer, you would have gotten frostbite,”

You realized you were still shivering in his cloak, “Yeah, thanks for not letting me die out there, and for the cape,”

“If I’d let you die, I wouldn’t have a date for the banquet.”

“Ooh, I’m a date now, am I?” I teased.

He blushed and looked away, still smiling.

“I suppose so,” he whispered.

He stood and offered a hand to me. I took it and stood, following him upstairs to his room, the only bedroom in the house. The room had recently been tidied, the paintings on the wall included snowy landscapes and one of a wither. The curtains were open, the night sky illuminating the room. The moonlight made everything a pale blue, almost making Techno’s hair purple.

“I don’t have anywhere else for you to stay right now unless you want to sleep on the couch.”

“Are you also sleeping here?”

“Only if you’re ok with it,” He said, kneeling by the fireplace and setting logs on the grate.

Would he really? He seems so shy…

— Technoblade —

I could feel my blood rush to my face as they asked if I’d sleep with them. I turned to the fireplace and lit the fire, trying to hide my embarrassment.

“Only if you’re ok with it,” I said.

They paused and my heartbeat harder, unsure what they were going to say. I started preparing the fire, putting the hesitation out of my mind.

////////UNDER CONSTRUCTION BRRRRRRRRR (2/3 complete)///////

Do you allow him to sleep with you?

Yes, tell him you’re going to be cold and need the body heat. (NSFW)

Ask where he wants to sleep. (Fluff)

No, respectfully suggest he sleep on the couch. (SFW)

#technoblade x reader #techno x reader #c!techno x reader #c!technoblade x reader #technoblade #mcyt x reader #mcyt #dsmp #dsmp x reader #philza #eret #two left hooves #Elias original

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unhealthyfanobsession · 3 years

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Hey 👋

I’m a Nesta stan, but recently I’ve had some thoughts about acotar-nesta

Like why did she call Feyre ugly names, I can’t remember exactly but she said some things to Feyre that made her think that she wasn’t pretty or smth. And I totally understand that Nesta was angry at the situation, at their father for not helping, at their mother for dying and all that, but why put someone down? Your own sister, too. I could never grasp the reason why she did this, and I hope you can make me understand if there was a reason behind it, or if this was a flaw in nestas character- cuz in my opinion all characters should have flaws so that they don’t seem like a Mary sure

And also, I never understood this eiether, but why Elain? Why did she only protect elain? I don’t understand why nesta would protect her when elain was the one who was favored most by their father. If I was her I would’ve teamed up with Feyre, ig that’s what I would have done.

I do understand that both Feyre and Nesta were cruel to each other, but canonically, I think, there were more instances when Nesta said hurtful things to Feyre than Feyre to Nesta. And I can’t ever remember Feyre putting Nesta down about her body or appearance

I’m not trying to hate or anything, not do I think that Feyre is a saint- and neither is Nesta- I just don’t totally understand this. Like, is this one of nestas flaws, or is sjm just a shitty writer?

What do I think is the real answer? Laziness. SJM never planned to have Nesta be more than a “stereotypical fairytale evil sister.” Until she wrote the scene when Feyre comes back in ACOTAR. And then she had written this evil sister as an intrinsic part of Feyre’s character and instead of going back and changing it to say, things her mother said (which would check out with what we now know of the mom), she just kept those one dimensional snipes and was like Nesta lashes out.

If I was to analyze, however, I think this would be a great opportunity to discuss the time period, which is vague as hell but in terms of the feudal system and general societal expectations I’m guessing it’s loosely the regency era. I say this as opposed to Victorian or Edwardian because women seem to have a *bit* more agency around marriage and speaking out and such, but court politics are still firmly at play. Also because half these books read like a mediocre regency romance novel.

So in this world, Feyre is essentially spitting on everything Nesta was raised for. It was very common in the regency period, especially right before the industrial revolution when the Lords and Ladies system was starting to fall, that if wealthy families lost money they would essentially starve rather than work “labour” jobs because once they started working they were common but before that point their breeding and status might still be able to win them an advantageous marriage. I know Mr. Archeron was a merchant, but a wealthy merchant to the upper classes is very different than a common labourer in that time. Now, Nesta had clearly given up on the marriage angle by ACOTAR since she was considering marrying Tomas, but I think the general principal stands. Nesta would have rather starved with dignity than gone out and laboured. That was how she was raised.

I think this is really succinctly stated in one of my all time favorite fics, Sympathy for the Devil by @saphie3243 where the intro is just Nesta hearing her mother’s voice saying “Ladies don’t run, Ladies don’t raise their voice, Ladies don’t get dirty” etc. That idea of being a “Lady” was so ingrained in Nesta as her only value from essentially birth that she didn’t know what to do when the prospect was lost and honestly probably would have rather starved.

She was angry at Feyre for getting dirty and doing all the things she was taught not to do, and because she wanted to see if her father would do something. So she took her anger out on Feyre. All of Nesta’s comments to Feyre are in that same vain- that she looks dirty or smells unclean or has callouses “like a peasant”. In Nesta’s mind that is worse than starving to death and she probably thought she might convince Feyre to stop by insulting her. It wasn’t right. But that’s the best explanation I’ve got.

I always say this dynamic is interesting because of they’d stayed wealthy then Feyre would be the problem. She’s be wild and untamed and putting her sisters futures at risk. The things that make her flourish as a Fae would have crushed her as a human. So it makes sense that the things that make Nesta flourish as a wealthy woman crushed her in poverty and in the first bits of being Fae.

As to why Elain and not Feyre, I think Feyre says it best when she thinks in ACOTAR that she wasn’t sure which of her or Nesta was more wretched and bitter. Elain wasn’t. She was still sweet and kind and planting flowers and Nesta had a desire to protect that innocence whereas Feyre had no innocence left to protect and no need for Nesta in any way.

Also the events and timelines of these books are so fucking messed up that like even in typing this I’ve put more thought into it than the author so that’s part of it too.

#nessian #nesta archeron #acosf #cassian #nesta and cassian #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #acotar

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dreamsmp-au-ideas · 3 years

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For SBI Swap I have had some time to think so here are some ideas. I’ll probably wait until Techno and Philza officially find out about Tommy before it put some ideas for that whole thing with the swap because this should still generally follow canon.

Before anything else, it is darkly funny to me that Techno died to a freaking potato AKA one of the things in Minecraft he is most known for

Techno brought two books with him into the prison. One was jokingly called The Trauma Book by Chat that was basically a list of everything Dream did to Techno and everyone he’s cared about.

Like how Techno still can’t go underwater without almost having a panic attack

How he can’t stand even the smell of fish

How he made Techno feel worthless, like nobody would care if he died out there because he failed everyone

Fun stuff. It’s basically there to make sure Techno gets everything out in the open for Dream so that he can finally get closure and doesn’t forgot to tell him something

The second book is a bit more serious and he carries it with him in his cloak everywhere. The only people who even know it exists are Tommy, Dream, and Ranboo. Dream is the only one who has actually read what it inside

The intro is the most recent part and it says that reading this book means he’s dead. Techno writes that he wrote most of these letters during exile. He’s always been better with writing words that saying words.

Inside are letters written to everyone Techno could think to write to during exile. When he was at his lowest mentally and was teetering towards the edge every single day. When he didn’t know what day he could snap and decide to stop trying so he wrote these letters just in case

He’s got a letter to Wilbur and Tommy telling them he’s sorry for not being strong enough and that they need to stick together

His letter to Wilbur has an added part where he says he’s still ticked at him for summoning withers on New L’Manberg but he does understand. He doesn’t hate him.

A letter to Ranboo telling him not to be too upset that he’s gone and make sure to write about him in his memory journal

A letter to Ghostza telling him if he’s reading this he’s gone to see Aliveza. He knows Ghostza must be very confused if he’s reading this but please don’t forgot about Techno, ok?

He’s got letters like this to Tubbo and Bad and Skeppy and Sam and loads of other people. Most of them were written during exile but some of them were written after

The last letter is the shortest and is addressed to Dream. All it says is that he hopes Dream isn’t alive to read this. If he is reading this, then he’s done enough to him

Techno writes only one thing to Dream. Please leave his family alone after he’s gone.

Sam finds both the books in Prison and he’s the first one to really see what happened to Techno. Because Techno still had some pride left and had hidden/ignored most of his trauma

Sam takes The Trauma Book with him and he carefully cuts out each and every letter.

Now there’s the painful task of handing them out

Oh wow. Okay. Wow. This hurts. Man, this hurts.

#dream smp #dream smp au #sbi swap #technoblade #dream #dreamwastaken #tommyinnit #ranboo #wilbur soot #philza #ph1lza #awesamdude #ask #tack-tick #ask to tag

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fyeah-bangtan7 · 4 years

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Jung Kook: “I hope this feeling never fades”

One might go as far as to say the lyrics sound heartbreaking, but it’s arranged in EDM. Jung Kook: We imagined we were performing for the fans while we made it, jumping up and down with them.

Are you happy with how you look in your latest work? Jung Kook: I’m not 100% satisfied, no. When we did performances for “Dynamite” recently I kept seeing my imperfections.

So that’s what you get when you’re relaxed! (laughs) Jung Kook: Yes, I relaxed, and something went “pop!” and “boom!” inside me, and then I did it however I wanted. (laughs)

You sound insatiable, in a good way. Jung Kook: Yes. This is how I want to keep living, and I hope this feeling never fades.

Maybe that’s the reason you set your goals so high. You seem like you have high standards and want to keep growing. Jung Kook: It’s like a foggy mountain top. (laughs) I can’t even see it yet.

Just like in the last line of “Stay.” Jung Kook: “We are together.”

#bangtan #jungkook #m:weverse magazine #o:interview #201127

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snarktheater · 3 years

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Ready Player Two — Opening Cutscene & Chapter 0

Hello again.

It’s been a while. I haven’t been active on this blog since, fittingly enough, Ready Player One. I was going to do this sooner—even had an alarm set up and everything—but then, it turns out, I’m feeling so much negativity about the world in general that a book just pales in comparison.

Seriously, I had to scrap this post’s entire intro because it’s not even 2020 anymore as I write this. And you know, maybe that’s for the best. I’m not really in the mood for doom and gloom and bitching anymore. I uninstalled Twitter from my phone a while back, I’ve been doing good at my daily writing sprints, my biggest fanfic project concluded on a positive note from people I didn’t even realize had been following it for years.

So I don’t know what this is going to be like. My commentary, I mean; I’ve heard echoes of what the book is like, so I’m not expecting a surprise there.

The book opens right after the end of Ready Player One, in a “Cutscene” where Wade recounts to us what happened after he won Halliday’s contest. It also assumes you remember exactly who the main characters of the book are, which is a bold move for a sequel that came out almost a decade after the original.

Technically, I could just look up the details I’m fuzzy about. But also, I think it’s more authentic if I don’t. I trust my memory enough that if I’m wrong, it’ll be in subtle enough ways that it’ll almost be a private jokes between all of us. An “if you know, you know” sort of error system. And I don’t think there’s anything more true to the spirit of this book than that.

Shoto had flown back home to Japan to take over operations at GSS’s Hokkaido division.

So Wade starts his tenure with nepotism. Wasn’t Shoto really young? Why is he qualified to run anything?

Aech was enjoying an extended vacation in Senegal, a country she’d dreamed of visiting her whole life, because her ancestors had come from there.

You know what, I’m not touching “send the token black character back to Africa.” This isn’t my lane.

And Samantha had flown back to Vancouver to pack up her belongings and say goodbye to her grandmother, Evelyn.

Why is she saying goodbye? Why, she’s moving to Columbus to be with Wade, of course! It’s not like there was anything else in her life. Was there? And why isn’t she referred to as Art3mis? I’m pretty sure Wade found out all of their offline names in the last book, and the inconsistency mildly bothers me.

These three sentences are back to back, by the way. Someone—I forget who—once described Ready Player One as a book that’s fun to write a wiki about, because it’s got fun concepts to summarize about until you realize that all the emotional connective tissue you need to turn a list of things into a story is missing, and that’s roughly how this first page feels.

Hell, the first line of the book is Wade telling us he remained offline for nine whole days after winning the contest, but by the end of the second paragraph we’re already to him logging back into the OASIS to "distract himself from [his and Samantha’s] reunion.

I’ll give Ernest Cline one thing: it feels like he wrote this opening nine days after the first book and did about as much maturing as a teenage boy would do between the two books.

Way more time is spent describing Wade’s OASIS rig, or the in-game planet where the climax of the last book happened, than anything else in this introduction. He is immediately greeted by a crowd of adoring fans who have been waiting over a week for him to come back in the game, because they’re all grateful that our protagonist and his friends restored their avatars after they were annihilated by the Sixers.

You’d think the adoring fans would serve some kind of purpose, or that something would happen, but no. Wade immediately goes “ew, people” and teleports away, since he essentially has ultimate powers within the game. With a caveat: the powers are actually coming from the Robes of Anorak he’s wearing, and I’m mentioning that in the hopes that it will pay off sometime in the book’s future, assuming Cline at least learned to do that. But still, let’s not skip too fast the fact that we introduced that crowd of adoring fans for no other purpose than to tell us they’re out there, because it fits right in with the last book’s attempts at saying as little as humanly possible in as many words as possible.

Anyway, Wade went back into Anorak’s study, where he arbitrarily checks out the Easter Egg he got at the end of the last book, and finds an inscription on it. I was dreading another riddle, but no, it’s just straight-up instructions to a vault in the GSS archives, so Wade logs off and goes to check it out.

Of course Halliday had put [the archives] [on the 13th floor]. In one of his favorite TV shows, Max Headroom, Network 23’s hidden research-and-development lab was located on the thirteenth floor. And The Thirteenth Floor was also the title of an old sci-fi film about virtual reality, released in 1999, right on the heels of both The Matrix and eXistenZ.

I’m equally shocked that it took two whole pages (on my ereader) to get to the first slew of references, and that one of these references is from 1999. I didn’t know we were allowed to think of anything that isn’t the 80s. Speaking of which, I’ll spare you the whole paragraph, but the book does feel the need to explain why it’s vault 42.

Inside the vault, there’s another egg containing a super-fancy and advanced OASIS headset. The egg also has a video monitor that plays a video message from James Halliday shortly before his death.

But despite his condition, he hadn’t used his OASIS avatar to record this message like he had with Anorak’s Invitation. For some reason, he’d chosen to appear in the flesh this time, under the brutal, unforgiving light of reality.

That oh-so-important message? An infodump about the headset’s working. He called it an OASIS Neural Interface, ONI for short. It basically lets you experience the OASIS through all your senses with sensory input just like the real thing, you know, that thing Wade had to get a fancy suit and massive rig to do in the first book. And yes, Wade does spend a paragraph or two comparing it to other works of science fiction. Of course he does.

More importantly, it also records all the sensory input into a separate file, which can then be replayed over to re-experience said sensations, or live someone else’s experiences. Halliday tries to frame it as a tool to generate communication and empathy, seemingly all without acknowledging the potential creepiness of that. But hey. Who knows. Maybe that’s because this is the setup stage, and it’ll pay off eventually.

I also wondered about the name Halliday had chosen for his invention. I’d seen enough anime to know that oni was also a Japanese word for a giant horned demon from the pits of hell.

Add “reducing Japan to anime” to the list of things the book has failed to improve upon. By the way, the narration insisted on spelling out ONI letter by letter earlier, so it’s weird to make that link now. It’s also just kind of inelegant to just tell us “this is the symbolism behind the name”, but that’s just the sort of thing I’ve come to expect from this book.

Anyway, the reason Halliday kept this for his successor to find is he wants Wade to test out the technology and decide if humanity is ready for it. Why Halliday thinks the most glorified pop culture trivia / video game competition qualifies you for such a decision should be a problem, but sadly, a lot of billionaires have said and done a lot of dumb and eerily similar things in the past few years since I read Ready Player One, so actually, I can’t fault the book for that one. Tragically, our fates really are in the hands of people who should rightfully be cartoon villains.

To his credit, Wade does question Halliday’s motives in keeping this under wraps at all rather than releasing it himself. So hey, maybe it really is setting something up.

Wade goes back to his office with the ONI, and we’re treated with this lovely piece of narration:

I was grateful that Samantha wasn’t there. I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to talk me out of testing the ONI. Because I was worried she might try to, and if she did, she would’ve succeeded. (I’d recently discovered that when you’re madly in love with someone they can persuade you to do pretty much anything.)

There’s a lot to unpack about the implications this has for their relationship, but it’s way too early in the book for me to editorialize when one character hasn’t even been on the page yet. So I’ll just leave it here for the record. Hopefully you see the problem without me needing to point it out anyway. If not, feel free to hit my inbox.

So Wade, confident in the fact that Halliday would have warned him if there were any risks to using the ONI, decides to try it out. Even though he immediately follows up that statement with this:

According to the ONI documentation, forcibly removing the headset while it was in operation could severely damage the wearer’s brain and/or leave them in a permanent coma. So the titanium-reinforced safety bands made certain this couldn’t happen. I found this little detail comforting instead of unsettling. Riding in an automobile was risky, too, if you didn’t wear your seatbelt…

Wade. My dude. What the fuck is this simile. And why don’t you see that maybe a machine where you’re forcibly trapping yourself inside a virtual reality might be dangerous? Hell, when I said this was setting something up, I was expecting something vaguely interesting about the potential breach of privacy, or how you don’t need to literally walk in someone’s shoes to feel empathy for them, or anything substantial, but now I’m worried it’ll just end up as “man, sometimes science fiction machines will scramble your brain, isn’t that weird”?

Like, I don’t know, to me “it will put you in a coma” sounds like a good reason for Halliday not to release the ONI. Maybe we can still make it into a commentary on how corporations will sell stuff they know is directly harmful if it can make them a profit. Who knows.

The book waffles on about more risks, and the mechanics of how the ONI activates, and the warning disclaimer when it does turn on. Specifically, there’s a time limit of twelve consecutive hours, after which you’ll be automatically logged out, because yes, using the thing for too long can also cause brain damage.

Gregarious Simulation Systems will not be held responsible for any injuries caused by improper use of the OASIS Neural Interface.

See, now there’s the sort of thing that could be a source for commentary, but no, instead it’s thrown in there like it’s nothing and Wade glosses over the entire warning, and instead keep wondering why Halliday didn’t just release the ONI if even the safety disclaimers were in place.

By the way: this whole system has apparently gone through several independent human trials already, so I’m finding it hard to imagine that it’s actually a secret Halliday took to the grave as Wade says. Unless he also had everyone involved in those trials killed afterwards. Or maybe they all ended up with brain damage which rendered them incapable of talking about it.

And before you think I’m being unfair and maybe we’re supposed to understand that ourselves even if the protagonist doesn’t, I’ll remind you that the book didn’t trust its reader to know what the number 42 is a reference to, or what an oni is, even though I don’t think anyone in the target audience wouldn’t know about these two things.

There’s also the fact that, since this book came out, a video game did release with a scene intentionally designed to cause seizures, and it had countless fans flocking to defend it over that fact. So you’ll have to excuse me if I’m not assuming this book’s stance on whether your video game console causes brain damage and possibly coma is actually a bad thing, or just an acceptable risk.

Wade certainly seems to think so, since he agrees to the terms of service.

As the timestamp faded away, it was replaced by a short message, just three words long—the last thing I would see before I left the real world and entered the virtual one. But they weren’t the three words I was used to seeing. I—like every other ONI user to come—was greeted by a new message Halliday had created, to welcome those visitors who had adopted his new technology: READY PLAYER TWO

Well now that’s just silly.

And that’s our opening cutscene. And while this post is already long enough, I feel like I have to go on to chapter 0, because it feels like barely anything has happened so far. We didn’t even introduce any new character motivation or conflict, or a mystery to set the plot into motion, unless I’m supposed to think “why didn’t Halliday release this?” counts.

So Wade is back into the OASIS, and tells us about how much more real it all feels thanks to the ONI. I especially have to question how he can smell or taste anything—both of which he tells us he can. Like, who coded that? Did Halliday implement every single smell and taste himself, without anyone noticing? I hope you don’t need me to tell you that’s not typically how features are added to a large-scale video game.

If it feels like I’m nitpicking at the logic of the book, even though I always say I’m not very interested in that and would rather talk themes, it’s because I am, because there isn’t much else to discuss so far. Wade is happy about tasting virtual fruit. That’s the scene.

He tests out if he can feel pain, but no, the ONI reduces pain (a gunshot is translated as “a hard pinch”). On one hand, good, it would be a nightmare otherwise. On the other hand, I sort of hope there’s a setting for that in there, because otherwise, you just lost an entire clientele of kinksters.

This was it—the final, inevitable step in the evolution of videogames and virtual reality. The simulation had now become indistinguishable from real life.

Ah, now we have some juicy themes. Because if you think this is the inevitable final step in the evolution of video games, I invite you to look at literally any other art form, and what happened to them once hyperrealism became easy. Hint: they didn’t stop evolving, because it turns out realism isn’t the only goal one can achieve with art.

The realism discussion is not a new one in video games, mind you. In case you’re out of the loop: most of the big-budget blockbuster games (“AAA” as they’re known) are aiming for hyperrealism nowadays, and it results in development teams being forced to work in horrible conditions (known with the equally horrible euphemism of “crunch”). And, because it turns out that 1) humans working themselves to the bones isn’t healthy and 2) racing for realism with little to no vision besides it makes for poor creativity, a lot of these games come out as disappointments. Oh, there are hordes of Gamers™ who will defend them to the bitter end, but inevitably, in the months following release, the defense cools off while the criticism keeps on going, because the defense was a knee-jerk reaction born of a mix of people hyping themselves up for a game they hadn’t seen that much of yet, then attaching a part of their identity to liking that thing.

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that this throwaway line feels like it comes from someone who is so out of touch as to accidentally support a world view that has in fact resulted in the biggest part of the industry stagnating artistically while growing more toxic for the people working in it. All the while, more and more independent games come out every year, proving that that realism is nowhere near the most important thing to making a game good, and that you can achieve much better results with a small team.

What I’m trying to say is: watch Jim Sterling’s channel, they’ve been bleeding out subscribers since they came out as nonbinary and make much better commentary on this topic than I could, and play Hades.

Back to the book, which sadly hasn’t become any more interesting since I decided to go on a tangent. Wade tests the ONI functions some more, all the while musing on how he knows Samantha would disapprove but that he doesn’t care, because what loving relationship doesn’t consist of that?

Among the functions, he tries the ONI files, the aforementioned recordings of someone else’s experiences. Specifically, a woman, which Wade tells us by telling us he suddenly has breasts, I suppose because Ernest Cline saw that subreddit about men writing women and went “I want a piece of that”. Oh, and also, those sample files were recorded from real people, in the real world. And yes, this goes exactly where you think it does.

SEX-M-F.oni, SEX-F-F.oni, and SEX-Nonbinary.oni

Look, I actually started writing a complaint about the boobs thing, and I deleted it, but now Cline is doing it on purpose. So, here goes: I saw a quote from this book on Twitter that looked like Cline attempting to make up for Wade’s casual transphobia in the first book. It wasn’t good, but it at least sounded like he was trying. So to immediately get this is…a lot? Let’s go for a lot.

I can almost excuse the use of “M” and “F”. You gotta name your files and you could excuse a non-exhaustive list. But…nonbinary? On one hand, I want to know what Cline means. On the other hand, I don’t think he can come up with an answer I’ll find satisfactory.

We are thankfully spared from finding out because Wade has just lost his virginity to Samantha a few days ago and he’s 1) not ready for this and 2) pretty sure this counts as cheating. You could make a case that this is more like porn, but I can see that this is more of a personal distinction anyway, and I can respect that one. Plus, you know. I don’t want to find out.

Wade logs off, and he can’t tell the difference between the OASIS with the ONI, and decides this will change the world. And then it’s back to the “how did he do it and keep it a secret”, even though Wade now finds out in the documentation that this had been in development for twenty-five years, basically since the OASIS launched. So it’s not really that it’s a secret, so much as there are a lot of people under very strict NDAs out there. Or, again, they’re all dead and/or otherwise incapacitated.

The ONI is the product of the Accessibility Research Lab, and Wade tells us about other stuff that the lab has produced using similar technology, mostly for medical purposes.

GSS patented each of the Accessibility Research Lab’s inventions, but Halliday never made any effort to profit from them. Instead, he set up a program to give these neuroprosthetic implants away, to any OASIS users who could benefit from them. GSS even subsidized the cost of their implant surgery.

Look, it’s nice that you want Halliday to be the good guy through and through, but it’s kind of hard to take any social commentary seriously when you think this is how a billionaire is made. Hell, even when he shut down the lab and fired its entire staff, he gave them a big enough severance package to set them for life. You know. Capitalism!

Hey, remember when Samantha said she was going to end world hunger if she won the contest, a thing billionaires right now could be doing, but aren’t, and she is now the co-owner of GSS? Yeah, I kind of hope the book remembers that too.

Speaking of the co-owners, the book just completely skips over the debate that our four main characters have over whether or not to release the ONI to the world. All we know is that they voted, and the vote goes in favor of releasing it. I mean, why have characters who could have opinions and feelings that could create a discussion? That might make us care about them! And who wants to care about characters in a story?

We put them on sale at the lowest possible price, to make sure as many people as possible could experience the OASIS Neural Interface for themselves.

What exactly is “the lowest possible price” here? Your company literally owns money. Like, OASIS money is real money. There is literally nothing stopping you from giving them away, especially because what you’re giving away is access to the platform you’re already running for a profit.

It’s almost like, even trying to make “good billionaires” out of its protagonists, the book can’t stop and actually make them significantly good.

Oh, I should mention. If you thought my Ready Player One review was angry at capitalism, wait until you see what the past couple years have done to me.

Anyway, once they his 7,777,777 simultaneous ONI users, a new riddle shows up on Halliday’s website. Because yep: our plot is apparently not about the implications of releasing the ONI, or any of the potential ideological discussions associated with that, it’s another riddle. Oh boy, do I wish I’d known that.

Seek the Seven Shards of the Siren’s Soul On the seven worlds where the Siren once played a role For each fragment my heir must pay a toll To once again make the Siren whole

I cannot wait to have the book give me just not enough information to solve the riddle until it’s solved by the book itself. That was so much fun the other…what was it, five times? Six times? Something like that. Wade already tells us the Siren might be Kira Morrow, because her alias was named after one of the sirens of Greek myth, so I can’t wait for that plot point to stick around. It was so fun to hear all about this man pining for another man’s wife the first time!

So this is the “Shard Riddle”. People are apparently convinced it was made by Wade and his crew as a publicity stunt, but of course, they know that that isn’t the case, and they also don’t know what that riddle is supposed to lead to. So, that’s great. We have a puzzle, and we also don’t know what the stakes are. All we know is that Wade wants to solve the puzzle essentially because it’s a challenge.

We skip over a year, and Wade tells us about how IOI collapses and gets absorbed by GSS because of the ONI’s launch. Remember IOI? They were the bad guys, so I guess we have to cheer?

GSS absorbed IOI and all of its assets, transforming us into an unstoppable megacorporation with a global monopoly on the world’s most popular entertainment, education, and communications platform.To celebrate, we released all of IOI’s indentured servants and forgave their outstanding debts.

On one hand: good for the slave. On the other hand: not gonna cheer for a monopoly, you guys.

Another year’s skip, and now 99% of the OASIS users are using the ONI, and yes, that includes trading their experiences with one another too. And I guess we’re still hand-waving any possible problems associated with that technology, because the technology is made so that all recordings must be shared and played through the OASIS.

This allowed us to weed out unsavory or illegal recordings before they could be shared with other users.

How? Do you know any of the problems associated with content moderations on the current platforms? I don’t know if I want to point to Youtube’s extremely faulty algorithm, Twitter’s complete apathy towards its Nazis, or Facebook doing moderation by making underpaid staff watch all potentially problematic content, which resulted in serious psychological damage to said staff.

You can’t just say that as if it solved everything. The chapter later says this is handled by an AI called “CenSoft”, and as an AI engineer myself, let me tell you: this is not going to work. Again: Youtube is the way it is for a reason.

It also let us maintain our monopoly on what was rapidly becoming the most popular form of entertainment in the history of the world.

And again, monopolies are totally a good thing as long as it’s in the right hands!

When I’m implying that the book does not care for any of these potential problems, I mean it. These enormous ethical issues are sidestepped in cold narratin, and we just keep going on introducing new slang that I hate, but have to quote so help you keep up.

“Sims” were recordings made inside the OASIS, and “Recs” were ONI recordings made in reality. Except that most kids no longer referred to it as “reality.” They called it “the Earl.” (A term derived from the initialism IRL.) And “Ito” was slang for “in the OASIS.” So Recs were recorded in the Earl, and Sims were created Ito.

There. You have been infodumped.

In the midst of all this (still extremely dry) exposition about how this changed media, we also get this tidbit:

You could take any drug, eat any kind of food, and have any kind of sex, without worrying about addiction, calories, or consequences.

Now, I was going to rant about this, but then, a page later, this happens and spares me the trouble:

I’d struggled with OASIS addiction before the ONI was released. Now logging on to the simulation was like mainlining some sort of chemically engineered superheroin.

So, you are aware that addiction isn’t just possible, but extremely facilitated by this. But sure, no worries! It’s perfectly safe! Because our protagonists are good.

Also, remember how the last book ended on a weak attempt at having a moral that maybe the real world is good, actually? Yeah, Wade tells us the ONI helps poor people live enjoyable lives in the OASIS. So. Fuck that message, I guess. It only applies if you’re the literal wealthiest man on Earth.

And me? All my dreams had come true. I’d gotten stupidly rich and absurdly famous. I’d fallen in love with my dream girl and she had fallen in love with me. Surely I was happy, right? Not so much, as this account will show.

Aside from the aforementioned returning OASIS affiction, there’s the Shard riddle that Wade is now obsessed with, to the point of offering a billion-dollar reward to anyone with information about the riddle’s answer.

I announced this reward with a stylized short film that I modeled after Anorak’s Invitation. I hoped it would seem like a lighthearted play on Halliday’s contest instead of a desperate cry for help. It seemed to work.

On one hand: good, Wade finally has a character flaw that the book actually acknowledges as a character flaw. I can work with that. On the other hand: this is all told to me in such a dispassionate that I am dreading how the book will handle this character flaw. Which is to say, I’m not expecting it to be very good.

(For a brief time, some of the younger, more idealistic shard hunters referred to themselves as “shunters” to differentiate themselves from their elder counterparts. But when everyone began to call them “sharters” instead, they changed their minds and started to call themselves gunters too. The moniker still fit. The Seven Shards were Easter eggs hidden by Halliday, and we were all hunting for them.)

Especially when this is something the narration feels is more important to tell me about.

Anyway, skip another year, and a gunter finally leads Wade to the First Shard. Solved that riddle, I guess. And wait, wasn’t part of why IOI was ~evil~ in the first book that they were paying people to find the Easter Egg for them? How is this any different, Wade?

And when I picked it up, I set in motion a series of events that would drastically alter the fate of the human race. As one of the only eyewitnesses to these historic events, I feel obligated to give my own written account of what occurred. So that future generations—if there are any—will have all the facts at their disposal when they decide how to judge my actions.

And that is the end of our chapter 0. And can I just say: what a mess already. I don’t think my snark can properly convey how utterly devoid of emotion this book’s writing is, and that alone is honestly more of a turn-off than anything else in the book so far. Even, knowing that I railed about it in the first book, I still feel newly unprepared for it. And it’s not like this double-prologue is making me hopeful that the book will show an ounce more critical thinking—or decent fucking humanity towards marginalized groups—as its predecessor.

So, that’s a lot to look forward to! For the sake of my sanity and schedule, don’t expect me to do such big posts every time. I’ll probably do one chapter a week from now on, if that. We’re in for a long ride, but I hope it’s worth it, at least.

#ready player two #ernest cline #st: ready player two #book reviews

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foryouthegays · 4 years

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techno liveblog w timestamps lets go for ‘a new home (dream SMP)’ stream

good laugh times: 00:13:50, 00:14:55, 1:38:45, ik it doesnt look like a lot but like u should watch the stream anyway bc philzas there and his laugh is amazing and they just go so well together

times techno calls phil his friend: 00:6:00 00:37:00, 00:45:17, 0:1:09:30, 01:11:15, 01:26:35, 01:50:05, 2:35:00

FSDJKFAF;LS HE KEPT THE MUTED INTRO IN JHKADFLS (ends at 00:1:25)

i like how, when faced with Leaving Youtube, techno would choose to be an author. i want a book by techno. reblog this if u want a book by techno (with an audiobook by him as well) /hj. 00:1:33

i love how he says ehhhhhh so much lskjhdfas (abt 2 mins in)

who the FUCK just remembers that the word fortuitous exists wtf 00:5:17

00:7:45 PHILZA TIME PHILZA TIME LETS GO

00:8:55 tommy time :/

0:14:10 rANBOO JUST WALKS IN, LOOKS AROUN ,AND LEA VE SIM CRYING

i love how much philza laughs at technos jokes bc pretty much everything he says IS a joke he just says it in such a serious voice that p much everyone else is like,,,yeah,,,,yup,,,,and phil just knows when hes joking and his laugh is so good with technos voice. sbi? whos that? i only know philza and technoblade

00:19:30 ghostbur joins! this is my first time hearin ghostbur btw

00:19:40 haha string axe technos so bad at crafting what a fool /j

00:21:07 ghostbur: “Even I remember how to make a fishing rod!” ghostbur u just MURDERED technoblade oh my god im gonna scream hgjdfksla i love ghostbur so much

00:23:55: GHOSTBUR NO!! DON’T DIE YOU’LL BECOME A DOUBLE GHOST!!!! -technoblade 2020

00:24:55 technoblade neva lies -guys he almost did the technoblade neva dies ahh!!!!!

i havent heard anyone talk about this but techno has a dedicated roleplay voice. like listen to him talk to tommy at 00:25:08. his voice gets more even, he uses names a lot more often (seriously, listen to his theseus speech. he says tommy so often, its incredible.), and his voice gets,,,,deeper? not deeper but smoother, in a way, and he repeats what he says for emphasis instead of humor. and his voice is louder, and he seems more assertive.

00:27:30 philza: where we goin, by the way? techno: to our- to my new home.

techno cmon let phil live w u wed get so much more content cmonn

00:28:50 the fact that he calls the manhunt theme “dream music” makes me laugh so hard. and then his version of it,,,,,m love he (also he sings it here and at 01:14:20)

00:35:10 why is ranboo so cryptic im-

why does he just casually know the word sentry wh at i hate him 00:39:45

this is the worst sentence (structurally) ive ever heard techno say im gonna cry 00:49:33 ‘im too busy thinkin of new ideas to sleep so i could actually execute them’ and tubbos *oh?* after is just hdsfgkjlka

LKSJDHFJK 00:51:49

00:54:30

techno: thats one of dreams powers, he can just stop the rain

tubbo, quietly: like jesus!

i love them sm dsfhkjla they kept going but i jus gdfhjksa jesus has op

techno @ being the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans: haha funnie!!

techno @ having fun w religious stuff: i wILL BE CANCELLED NO-

00:58:10 “hey if ur [ghostbur] a ghost, do instant damage potions heal you now?” “...no,, they hurt me still :(” DSIULZKJHFSLKFJH

01:04:00 his brother named the cow bob im- aww

also he has a fanart wall again!!!

01:09:30 “phil, you’re the only friend i have left in this world.” aWWWWW HE GAVE HIM THE COMPASS

“dont smoke, it’s a joke” -technoblade 01:14:15

ROLEPLAY SPEECH VOICE IS BACK AT 1:16:10 “they pillage my base for everything i’m worth, they use me for the revolution, but oooOOOoo i took a pickaxe with his consent? oOOOooOo i’m a thief!”

holy shit 01:17:15 “you know what, phil? for you, the world, alright? it’s fine.” oH MY GOD HHHHGHG (context, right before they were arguing bc phil took some blocks from his base and techno thought that when he said phil could take anything he meant from the chests)

the COMIDY of that villager coming in and sleeping while techno was readin donos at 01:22:05 RIGHT AFTER phil freaked out abt inturruptin his dono readin im SFDHKJLA:

techno talkin bout the winstreak and how he wont be able to live up to that sort of playin at 01:22:30ish is super important and ill transcribe it tomorrow, but if u can id highly rec watchin it.

01:24:20 “[readin dono] what’s your favorite movie? uh, the princess bride is pretty good” techno ily that movie rocks also he said it so fast like hes ashamed of it noo

techno says no to canon ranboo son btw! 01:25:30

01:25:55 “i wasnt in that story, therefore it doesnt matter” all of technoblr be like

01:37:49 is great lemmie transcribe

“how have you still not gotten a second monitor?? holy shit.”

“let me tell you something. and im only telling you this because i know that so many people in the chat are gonna be furious. so i recently realized- i think the second monitor can just be any ol’ monitor, right? you literally just plug it in, and its set up? well i mean you have to turn on some settings, but like, thats it, or something?”

“yeah,,,,, uh techno you fuckin destroyed my chat, by the way, oh my god, [earlier techno told his viewers to twitch prime philza] there has been like 40 primes just flying through”

“yeahhh twitch prime!!! twitch prime philza yeahh!!! so anyways the other day, i like, i looked to my left, and realized that my old monitor has been like, five feet away from where i sit and stream for the last three years?”

“oh my god...”

“so i- i literally do not have to leave my room to set up a second monitor and i havent. and i’m still usin my laptop for this stream.

“is this gonna be one of those situations where you like, you have a thing, you just refuse to do the thing?”

“listen, my desk is-

“yOU STILL HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE!!!”

“AHHHH I HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE! I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY MCC COIN! DUDE I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBER PLAQUE! ITS STILL THERE RIGHT BEHIND ME! ITs sTILL IN THE BOX! i never made a video on it....”

“bruhhhhh [philza laughs] thats FREE VIEWS what are you doing??”

“ill open it at 8 mil :/.”

“you could LITERALLY make a video of you just like, throwing it off a wall, and then thumbing up, like doing a thumbs up, and then that would be it. 10 seconds. ten seconds. thumb and elbow in shot. [laughs]”

techno is such a disaster i love him

01:34:18 the way techno says “tommy, that statement has NEVER been true” i dont like sayin i simp for block men but GOD sometimes his voice is nicer than usual hhhgn

“man i sure wish tommyinnit was in this stream” -nobody ever (just after previous timestamp)

01:40:15 is fuckin hilarious and im actually crying oh my god techno just says things and says them well with a completely straight face how does he do it

i cannot WAIT until theres a president w the last/first name andy so we can say president andy and think abt technoblade

IM CRIASDNGUSFHD 01:44:38 PHILZA LOOK OUT LOOK OUT PHILZA LSKJDAFJASD;LKF

i love when techno talks abt his vids. like u can tell he puts a lot of thought into the vids (esp these ones) and like at 01:47:00 he talks abt the “I DIDNT PUT DEAPTH STRIDER ON THOSE BOOTS, FUNDY!” and how its just that creepin realization that you were doomed from the start and how he made the armor, he isnt intimidated by the netherite bc he didnt enchant it all the way and only he knows that,,, and i just,,,hgg he

he reveals that hes writin the next arc at 01:48:00: “oh, speakin of arcs, chat, i’m writing the next arc. so, you know. hope nothin bad happens in two weeks, chat!” IM SO EXCITED like he clearly has his character fleshed out and is SO good at writing and retellin history im so so excited to see where he takes it AHHHH and also taht means he might stream more bc he might make his character more important (keep in mind this is the guy who wrote self insert hypixel fanfics. he has no shame in puttin himself first and i respect him so much for it)

01:51:20 “they’re tryin to get a second customer but they’re riskin their first” is lowkey a good line

has anyone else noticed that techno says wise a lot? like at 01:55:10 he literally says “wise dragon armor” as a joke but like i think he says wise so much BECAUSE of skyblock like hjkfdsla

01:57:30 techno plea se eat

ok 1:58:45 is hilarious and all but at the end of his ramble he says “come back, i miss you” and lowkey im crying

techno needs to stop knowing his audience more than we know ourselves im hsfkjda 02:05:25 “the chat’s spammin ‘eat technoblade, eat!’ like they’re not gonna start, like, theyre not gonna get super sad if i ended the stream right now, like theyre not gonna all cry ‘i miss technoblade *sniffs* why- whyd he leave to eat food, why did he listen to our advice noooo’”

02:14:50 NEW VIDEO POGGGG CARL THE HORSE POGGGGGG NOT A STREAM HIGHLIGHT POGGGGG

02:17:40 “i could start a potato farm out here to show how much ive changed” techno last time u made a potato farm u started an entire war that lasted a year that does NOT say calm and retired to me lskgdfjagsldj

02:23:00 why does techno just reference greek mythology so much. makin me scared for his arc.

also he talks abt smp earth a lot in this stream i love it so much

i also just. love?? how much sbi respect tommy like they bully him but when talkin bout him they just have so much respect for how much work he puts into youtube and i just,,,,hgnn they r friends

02:33:13 sbi streamer house lets go cmon

02:34:15 “i think if i streamed every day i could keep up” on one hand YE S but on the ohter oh god techno no we have to keep up tho

hearing techno say “violence isnt the answer” is so scary 02:35:40

02:37:30 technosneeze

hiS BROTHER SENT HIM 46 DISCORD MESSAGES SFKDJLFLKASF 2:49:25 i love his end screen so much hes just sadness,,,,retirement,,,t,echnoblade,,,the government is going to fall on its own due to lack of organization and ideals,,,,,,subscribe,,,,,sadness,,,,,also 2:50:45 is making me laugh so hard its just sad music and technos like??? whys phil in my house drinking milk?????

overall, fantastic stream, if ya want some chill techno philza content i highly recommend.

#stream post

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left-brainedroomates · 3 years

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The Arrival

In which all of the characters move into the same apartment and become giant simps for each-other.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of wounds.

Characters: ‘K’ (mentioned), Janus, Logan, and Virgil.

Word Count: 1,483 words

This is definitely not what Virgil had been expecting. Ji recently had been kicked out of jix apartment recently. So when they got the offer of a new living space they were more than happy to move in even if it was with total strangers.

Logan had just picked up a new job in a new city. Lun was finally away from lun’s father… mostly. He still got e-mails from him, texts, and of course regular visits but was more than happy to be moved away from him at least one city, even if it was only a couple of cities away.

Janus had gone through hours and hours of searching until its friend had suggested it moved in with strangers. They were overjoyed to be away from their previous roommate ‘K’. It wasn’t exactly excited to be moving in with two strangers but they could deal with it as long as it could get away.

Logan was the first to arrive at the apartment he picked a room quickly and moved in their things they picked the biggest room. Lun hadn’t brought a lot of things but they liked their space. Lun was excited to be around here even though lun would be here with strangers. Once lun was situated they went into the living room to meet their new roommates. Soon a taller person walked in and smiled at them. They had beautiful yellow eyes and freckles on one side of their face causing them to look magical.

Janus was second. It came in around noon and waved at the shorter person there. They looked lun over, noting the way they seemed comfortable around it even though they had just met. They went and took the second largest room just dropping off their single small suitcase and one backpack before going to talk to the strange person who it would be living with for an undetermined amount of time. “Hello~” It said smoothly, sitting down across from it’s roommate.

“Hello? How are you?” They responded. “I’m assuming you’re Janus?”

“I am, I hope you haven’t heard anything to awful about me, Logan? Correct?” Janus hissed out, smirking calmly at the other,

“Just that you’re a huge flirt, nothing extremely awful. I’ve also hear whispers about your eyes, they are as gorgeous as people say. What are you pronouns?” Logan asked softly, smiling at him.

“Quite the charmer aren’t you. It/they. Your’s?” Janus smiled softly, messing with their hoodie carefully.

“Lun/them… I’ll answer any questions if you have them. Which room did you pick?”

“The second biggest one, next to yours, I saw you picked the biggest one for yourself. Unless our other roommate stopped by and did so first?” Janus asked softly.

“I did, I’m sure you would’ve done the same.” Logan smiled at him, nodding a bit and adjusting his glasses to move them up the bridge of his nose.

“I would have-” Janus started but was stopped by the sound of a door slamming open. A short dark looking pail boy walked in, they looked at the two sitting together and then quickly ran off to pick a room for themself.

Virgil arrived around noon, they panted as they ran into the building and tugged on their hood as they opened the door quickly causing it to slam against the wall. Ji only froze for a moment before sprinting upstairs to clean jinxelf up and calm down. Soon they found they had been left with the smallest room though didn't complain as they collapsed on the bed and set down their backpack, grabbing the first aid kit they kept with them. They stared at the closed door and then pulled off their clothes, removing their binder quickly and hissing in pant as it scratched at the fresh wounds that littered their body. They quickly got to work cleaning themself up. They bit back a sob as they clean their cuts and bandaged them. When they were finished they pulled on a fresh black t-shirt and closed their eyes for a moment before getting to work on setting up a couple things on their walls as well as hanging up their pride flag over their bed. Normally they would be worried about doing that but they decided it wasn’t worth it considering all of jix friends were lgbtq in some form they figured it couldn’t be to much of an issue. Virgil put the black and purple fluffy sheets on ji’s bed and then put away their stuff in the dresser that was sitting in the corner of the room. They silently put on their headphones and curled up on their bed before slowly falling asleep.

About three weeks later neither Logan nor Janus had really heard anything from the shortest member of their apartment. Virgil had kept hidden in their room for most of the day, only leaving when the house was empty.

However today wasn’t turning out to be a normal day for Logan especially since Virgil had decided not to hide in jix room when the, arrived home. Logan froze at the sight of the small being sitting there on the couch, listening to music and reading a book. They would never forget the sight of them sitting there calmly in a short black crop top hoodie and their favorite black fluffy blanket. Logan walked over and sat down on the chair across from Ji. “Hello.” Lun said softly, smiling at ji.

Virgil froze for a second before pulling off jix headphones and smiling at them. “Hey…” They said softly.

Logan swore their voice was more beautiful than any song they had ever heard. It was soft yet strong, not very high but not too low. Jin voice was perfect. “Nice to meet you, I’m Logan.”

“Virgil… You’re the space nerd, right?” Ji said quietly, smiling at the person in front of them. They weren’t particularly anxious right now which was a shock. They guessed that it had something to do with Logan’s calming presence.

Logan blushed and nodded softly. “Yes. Why?” Lun asked, smiling at the odd person in-front of them.

“Can you tell me about them? Please?” Virgil asked softly, sitting up quietly and putting a book mark in their book and pausing their music.

“Really? Yes! I’d love to! What would you like to know about?” Logan asked happily, sitting up straighter.

“Anything… Maybe stars? I don’t really know anything so just anything.” Virgil smiled brightly.

Logan nodded quickly. “Alright! So basically-” They began to rant happily, flapping their hands at their sides quietly, very excited and happy.

An hour or so later Janus arrived home, shocked to see Virgil sitting there ranting about horror books of all things. “It’s so dumb! No sane person would stay in a house with a literal killer, imagine you know there’s a killer coming to your house and instead of calling the cops, packing a bag and setting up some cameras and going to stay at a hotel you what? Just stay there!? They’re trying to kill you!!” Virgil grumbled.

Janus walked over quietly and sat down next to Virgil. “Hello.”

Logan smiled softly. “Hello Janus.”

Virgil gasped. “Hey…” He said quietly, instantly going quiet and staring at the new person who had arrived. They were convinced that Janus must be the most beautiful person ever.

Janus smirked at them softly. “What were you saying, spider-ling? I would love to hear more about horror novels~.” It said softly, winking at them.

Virgil went very red. “O-oh! Right… so… so basically horror novels are only really effective when you know either are mislead about the killer or there’s no real way to get away.”

“Interesting, what about ghost stories and things like that?” Logan asked softly.

“R-right! Those are always good, it’s best done when the ghost ends up being someone they know. My favorite trope is when they end up in a forest… because they’re always so beautiful but also sad. They make a wonderful place. They seem like they’d be easier to write though I’m sure they’re also very difficult.” Virgil said quickly, bouncing in their seat a bit as Ji talked. Virgil decided that they liked their new roommates even if they were kind of weird.

After a couple days and a recommendation from their friend our favorite trio decided to make a blog for people to ask them things deciding it was a good bounding experience they created an email and set up the blog. They all typed in their pronouns and name’s into a pinned post and picked out an emoji for themselves as a signature. Janus made the header and profile pic. Virgil wrote in a little intro to the blog and set everything up. Soon enough they were all cuddled up on the couch ready to start running their brand new blog with no idea what was to come.

#analoceit #leftbrainedroomates #virgil maro #janus alexander #logan lovatt #'k'#cannon fic

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gwens-projects · 4 years

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Day 19 - Theme Memories

So I’ve been around this fandom for a long time, not as long as some people, but since TPOM was still kicking out episodes. Today I’m going to talk about some of the memories I’ve made through this fandom.

Under a read more because this is going to be long.

I remember first when I was really small getting to watch Madagascar when it first came out. It was very blurry and pixilated because it was on one of those cam copy discs that my dad had brought home. It was fun, I liked it, but didn’t think anything about it really. The same happened with Madagascar 2 a few years later, and then after that I got my first exposure to TPOM when dad had a disc with the When I was a Penguin Zombie ep collection on it. I’m pretty sure I watched that disc on repeat for weeks in the car, I loved it but had no idea there were like actually other eps I could watch anywhere else.

Years after that, somehow I managed to catch the Return of the Revenge of Dr. Blowhole on TV actually in the midst of all the singing, we almost turned the channel but I was amazed that there were more eps than what I had seen before and we watched what was left of the episode.

I’ve never been someone who easily makes friends. I’m very quiet, nervous, and rather weird. 8th grade I made my first decent friends, and then at the end of the school year both transferred away to different schools. I was about...15 maybe? and I was crushed. I had never really noticed how lonely I really was until then, and so I started watching some shows on youtube I remembered I liked but never got to watch every ep of...Kim Possible, Lilo and Stitch, the Smurfs....I was looking for something Smurf related online when I accidentally discovered fanfiction, specifically Smurfs fanfiction that I thought was actually like a canon Smurfs book. This led me to exploring fanfiction a little more and then I accidentally come across some TPOM oneshot (written in Spanish that my computer translated) about Private? It reminded me that oh yeah the penguins was a show I liked as a kid, so I looked it up and started binging those eps.

Watching those eps, I honestly felt the least alone I had felt all summer. Private was my first comfort character and at the time I found him super relatable. I also started reading a few TPOM fanfics. Season 3 still had episodes coming out and so that was pretty exciting. That August I started writing my first fanfic, A Trixy Situation, and drew my first fanarts. I also consequently made my first OC.

I look back at that first fanfic and the reviews I got and all I can think is “People thought this was good?” But at the same time, if it wasn’t for those kind comments back then, I wouldn’t be the writer I am now. A Trixy Situation wasn’t just my first fanfic, it was the first piece of written fiction I ever wrote and FINISHED. People’s kind comments spurred me to write and for the first time I really felt like I was writing for a purpose AND having fun with it. I was over the moon.

Granted, I did get my first critiquing review a few fics later, and as much as I cried over it...I will admit, it made me a much better writer. I still wish they had phrased it differently though.

Through fanfiction as well I made my first fandom friends. One of which I still keep in contact with even now 7 years later. She became my first best friend that I could truly say was my best friend and I wouldn’t have made her except through this fandom.

When I transferred schools from private to public in 10th grade, TPOM eps and writing TPOM fanfiction got me through it. It was...a rough 3 years of my life. I had 0 offline friends, but I had that one very good online friend who I would sneak chats to through a google doc during lunch and class breaks.

I remember when AHKJ came out and I’d have to stay off of tumblr because tumblr mobile wouldn’t let me tag and block spoilers and GEE WERE THERE SO MANY SPOILERS POSTED.

January 2016 I gave roleplaying a try and made a slew of Private_Private_Penguin rp accounts across multiple platforms. I made a few connections and associates then, but none really stuck. However, I had a lot of fun rping as Private until the rp community more or less went silent.

Junior and senior year of high school and the first couple years of college, I was too busy and stressed to think of TPOM much. Then I noticed a new up-springing in TPOM rpers again. I watched a few eps and this time around realized that I really, really related to Kowalski now....Far more than I ever related to Private in the past. Granted, in the past I was kind of driven away from Kowalski because the fandom was so...well, let’s just say there were a lot of rapid Kowalski fangirls where it made me nervous to even approach the character. Private didn’t have as many fans so he was calmer to have as a favorite. But modernly, the Kowalski hype had died down and I finally felt at ease finding him as a comfort....I also think the age old “disliking a character until you realize there’s a lot of yourself in that character and that’s why you dislike them” theory applied to that as well...because he and I do have a lot in common, personality wise.

Anyway, through the new round of rping as Kowalski, I made some new fandom friends and through them was exposed to new fandoms and experienced a new love for the series as a whole. I also was introduced to new ship ideas and got new headcanons....And then I got back into writing fanfiction. My friend who rps as Blowhole, they got me into the Franski ship...Our rping was a slow burn enemies to friends to Kowalski muse having a crush on Blowhole. It’s a fun thing to look back at the old rps like “oh Kowalski started liking this ship before I did.”

After I got back into fanfic writing, I made yet another friend who IMed me about my writing and since then I’ve been co-writing with her on her fic. I also discovered a discord group where I ran into several fanguins who I recognized were around the fandom back when eps were coming out as well and I just sort of felt...at home? It’s the best way I can describe it. It was new but familiar all at the same time. Did we all share the same ships and headcanons? Heck no, but with such a vague canon that’s understandable and completely fine. It’s interesting seeing the different ideas and such and the joint enthusiasm we all have for this franchise.

I’ve recently started watching A Little Wild...Admittedly, I’m struggling with it but for its target audience, it would be a great intro into the franchise, honestly.

I have so many memories from this franchise and its fandom, some bad, but mostly good. And now I just will take this moment to thank both the franchise and the fandom for the memories and comfort its given me through the years.

#2020madagascarparty #tpom #the penguins of madagascar #penguins of madagascar #gwen speaks #long post #2020 Madagascar party

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marryat92 · 4 years

Note

Hi! Where should I start with learning about Marryat/reading his books? Your blog has made me really interested haha

Thanks for the ask, I love getting messages like this! As far as reading his books, we’re in a golden age of accessibility thanks to all the 19th century literature available for free download on Google Books: that’s how I’ve read almost all of my Marryat books so far. If you’re willing to pay for electronic versions of his books, there are many offerings on Kindle and through Apple Books. Print versions are harder to find, but nautically-focused McBooks Press has many recent Marryat reissues. (edit to add: I recommend free scanned 19th century editions of Marryat's books on sites like Google Books and Archive.org, in preference to ebooks and print on demand. No bad OCR, and the original typesetting benefits the period writing style of huge paragraphs with double- or triple-spaced sentences).

When I first started reading Marryat, in the form of Google e-books on my phone, I would always have one or two browser tabs open just to look up the Age of Sail terminology, and sometimes period references. I can now recommend a few more free e-books for that purpose: The Sailor’s Word-Book, by Admiral William Henry Smyth, and The Young Sea Officer’s Sheet Anchor by Darcy Lever. Sometimes just plugging sailing terms into a search engine can give you misleading results that are more relevant for modern yachts, not a sea-going vessel from the days of Nelson’s Navy.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: in many ways reading Frederick Marryat is comparable to reading Jane Austen. Same time period, same culture, and you’ll find a similar vocabulary to refer to social conventions, food, clothing, the political climate, and so on. This is useful to know because while there is unfortunately not a big Marryat fandom out there, there is a massive Jane Austen fandom who have produced numerous guidebooks and blogs about fashion, food, you-name-it from early 19th century Britain, and these can be very helpful!

What Marryat books should you read first? This is subjective, but I recommend his early and mid-career novels for adults —as opposed to the books for children that he wrote at the end of his life, which are unsurprisingly less spicy and more didactic— and avoiding his historical fiction e.g. The Phantom Ship, which is heavy on the purple prose since people from The Past have to be melodramatic. (Also he didn’t have access to Google, and he put carronades in a historical novel 100 years before they were invented amongst other bloopers). One of Marryat’s greatest charms is the veracity of his Napoleonic-era novels, which draw from his lived experiences. Scholars look to Marryat as a primary source on everything from club-hauling a ship to sailors’ tattoos.

My current Intro to Marryat rec is his novella The Three Cutters (but not, as I note in the linked post, his novella The Pirate, which usually comes bundled with The Three Cutters as they were originally published together). Mr. Midshipman Easy comes up a lot, and it’s certainly one of his more well-known works in the present day. I’m a little more equivocal about recommending it as a first venture into Marryat (I prefer a few books ahead of it), but in a way it’s a good crash course into his novels, for good and bad. It can be very funny, there is some trenchant commentary, and in other parts it totally runs off the rails. There is also a characteristic level of simultaneously condemning racism (the prejudice the character Mesty encounters) and indulging in racist tropes that make modern readers uncomfortable (the way Mesty’s dialog is written; the fact that he is a Scary Black Man devoted to the white hero character).

Not to digress too much about Marryat’s Problematic ways, because he was a pretty complex and flawed person from two centuries ago and I hate to flatten that complexity, but it bears mentioning that he tends to write, in general, in broad national and ethnic stereotypes. It’s rare for his Black characters to not speak in an othering dialect which I could very charitably say is influenced by a West Indian accent that he would have encountered in real life. He has barbaric Irish characters in The King’s Own who attack and kill the survivors of a shipwreck, but a more positive albeit still stereotypical representation in Terence O’Brien from Peter Simple. (O’Brien and Mesty are, weirdly enough, very similar characters who both exist to support the [Anglo] white hero— and “Ashantee” Mesty even speaks with an Irish accent, since he learned English from Irish emigrants). Marryat’s white European (non-British) characters can have literally the same diction as his Black characters, as in this passage from Jacob Faithful with a French person speaking: “Madame Tagliabue did noting but cry all last night when she heard the very bad news about de debt, and all dat [...] suppose a gentleman no lose his honour, what matter de money?”

The fact that Marryat’s novels take place all over the British Empire, and depict the multicultural world of that Empire even within Britain, because the Royal Navy took a pragmatic approach to a diverse workforce, means that there are many opportunities for him to use cringey dialect and indulge in offensive stereotypes that were regarded as acceptable humour or familiar tropes at the time. Contrast and compare with his friend and contemporary Charles Dickens, who is beloved even today, but I would argue that he was about a hundred times more racist than Marryat, going by the screeds that he published in magazines (many of them quoted in Patrick Brantlinger’s book Rule of Darkness: British Literature and Imperialism, 1830-1914, which also examines themes of imperialism and colonialism in Marryat’s works).

I wouldn’t be reading so much of Frederick Marryat if I didn’t enjoy the way he spins a yarn, and I find his novels genuinely entertaining on their own merit, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that a big part of my enjoyment is the way Marryat illuminates his time period and his world. I am deeply interested in the 19th century Royal Navy, the British Empire, and life in early 19th century England; and Marryat is almost like having a personal guide, making his era “real to us and ordinary,” as Virginia Woolf wrote. There are thrilling aspects to his world and horrifying ones. Marryat writes from his own perspective, that of a privileged, upper-class, Protestant white man, but he is not without empathy and nuance (and sometimes I think he is unfairly painted as some kind of imperialist cheerleader when he was often critical of the empire and its machinations).

To learn more about Captain Marryat himself, you can’t go wrong with one of the chief sources for all of his biographies: his daughter Florence Marryat’s collection of correspondence and biographical sketches, The Life and Letters of Captain Frederick Marryat. This is available as a free e-book: volume 1, volume 2. David Hannay’s Life of Frederick Marryat is very Victorian and mediocre, but also free in e-book form. (Can’t beat free books!)

For a modern(ish) biography of Marryat, my personal favourite might be Oliver Warner’s Captain Marryat: A Rediscovery, but it was published in 1953. Much easier to find, and most recently published, the naval historian Tom Pocock wrote Captain Marryat: Seaman, Writer and Adventurer in 2000. Pocock’s book is probably the best recommendation for someone looking for a good Marryat biography that includes illustrations and isn’t impossible to find. It’s fun to read, and Pocock has an obvious love for Marryat and his books (and he gets bonus points from me for being a Frank Mildmay fan).

#reading marryat #ask #reference #biography #long post #sorry this is a novel i have a lot of feelings #Anonymous #asks

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rigelmejo · 3 years

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Reflection on Japanese Progress (so far)

I wanted to make something more coherent on my thoughts on how my japanese progress has gone lately, because in some ways its better than I expected. I think part of it has to do with better study methods being used right now compared to the first time I studied japanese, but another large part of it I think is my experience with chinese affecting my japanese.

Prior Japanese Progress (2.5 years)

When I first studied Japanese seriously I took 1 college class, then continued to self study. Generally 30 minutes to 1 hour per day, some weeks/months no study, sometimes more study. I studied like this for 2 years. Then the final portion, year 2 - 2.5, I immersed and studied more like 2 hours per day and that’s when I saw the fastest progress as far as milestones.

The reasons my progress went so slow up until year 2 are pretty clear to me. I had very little study time per day and japanese simply takes a lot more hours to hit milestones than french. The other thing slowing me down is that japanese has few cognates with english (compared to french).

When I read The Word Brain recently, it said for languages similar each other (like english/french) you need to learn around 5000 new words, and for less similar languages like chinese and japanese you need to learn 15,000. So for Japanese I needed to learn more words before I could hit the same milestones of “read a comic ok with a dictionary” or “read a comic comfortably without a dictionary” or “read the news with only occasional word lookups” etc. French having more cognates and similarities benefited me quickly - I could start reading comfortable with occassional dictionary look up (and follow the overall main idea fine) after learning ~500 words. For Japanese, I was expecting the same kind of results from a few hundred words when that wasn’t realistic.

I also remember I held myself back a lot with Japanese - I didn’t want to learn more words until I’d learned 1000+ kanji lol. Guess who never did. The closest I got was I borrowed a Tuttle book from the library and learned the meanings of 300 kanji. I tried Heisig’s RTK book and barely learned any, I never got past a couple hundred. I tried KKLC and my tendency to “over memorize until I’m perfect” meant I also never got past a couple hundred. In 2 years, I knew a few hundred words and a few hundred kanji, and it was not nearly enough to hit the same milestone I’d hit in French in 6 months with 500 words.

I didn’t make progress until year 2 in studying japanese, when I started Nukemarine’s Memrise LLJ decks and got through around 500 kanji, 500 other words, and a few hundred example sentences. It’s not surprising in retrospect that its at that point when I saw the same milestone I hit in french 5 months in. I finally had ~1500 ish words I knew from various resources. 3 times as many words as I knew in french when I could hit the same milestone (very basic reading skills with a dictionary of overall main idea).

At year 2 I made another major change that helped a lot - I started immersing. Before that, I’d “assumed” japanese would be too hard until I “learned more kanji, more words” and basically refused to challenge myself. But I learn best by doing. I remember best by doing things that make what I’m learning necessary to know. So immersion helped a LOT, it made remembering kanji much easier because I constantly needed them, it made picking up words easier too because I had reasons to know them.

I also started using more audio materials. It wasn’t a significant part of my study, but I remember I’d started using JapaneseAudioLessons.com’s lessons. I did 20 of them during that time period. What was useful, is I was practicing listening (which I later learned in Chinese really helps me specifically remember things better), and I had found a study method I could do when walking or doing other things. I’m very bad at sticking to flashcards or apps, which is why I always burn out on srs flashcard courses after a few weeks to a month. But just listening to files? If I manage to remember to, I don’t get burned out as easy, and its a good way for me to review and do new study regularly when I can’t carve out the time to sit down. Also again - in retrospect I think listening helps me learn a LOT better, which is something I didn’t really realize about myself until studying chinese later. But I think the regular audio exposure of japanese from year 2 - 2.5 helped a lot. Just like when I started japanese, my beginner college class made us listen to dialogues and shadow them constantly - which really helped.

So in retrospect, year 2 to 2.5 I made the quickest progress in japanese because I started prioritizing learning a LOT of words over learning them ‘perfect,’ and I got willing to just challenge myself and actually use the language regularly by trying to read manga and play a video game. I also realized at that time, that japanese was going to need more hours of study on a regular basis if I wanted a faster progress rate.

After 2.5 years, I stopped studying japanese. Because I was going to school full time, working 50 hours a week, and I knew I had no time for it.

During the study gap (2+ years)

I only engaged in japanese a little bit during the break where I no longer actively studied it. Every few months I’d try to read a manga - either one of mine or ones I found in thrift stores. I think I was hoping that like my french, reading once in a while would maintain it. But I knew a lot more french before I went down to not studying and only reading occasionally. So I did lose a lot of japanese.

I stopped remembering some verb endings, although in the middle of reading I could still recall a lot of them in context okay and understand what they meant. I forgot some particles - which again came back ok while I was reading. Word order I somewhat forgot. Hiragana-only words I FORGOT the most. Kanji for the most part I managed to keep remembering, so I suppose reading helped me keep remembering them. I am not sure if this occasional reading helped me review japanese year quicker and get back to progressing from where I left off.

The most noticeable thing was when I started learning Chinese, about 1 year after stopping Japanese. When I started learning chinese, some of the hanzi I learned ended up making manga more comprehensible to me. I remember maybe 6 months into chinese study, japanese manga (especially easy ones like School Rumble, Ranma 1/2, fan comics) had started to get understandable enough that I could sometimes follow chapter main overall ideas without a dictionary. So not the specific details - although sometimes I could pick up a few. But I didn’t need a dictionary to follow the main idea with simple manga anymore. Whereas at 2.5 years into study, I could follow the main overall idea of some simple manga chapters with a dictionary - that was the extent of my reading comprehension. So this was a significant improvement, a milestone I noticed. I know chinese hanzi study was indirectly benefiting my japanese reading skill a little bit.

In retrospect, I think it was giving me more ‘near cognates’ to rely on when reading. Since I didn’t know the new japanese words, but knowing the meaning if it were a hanzi gave me an idea of what to Guess the word might mean in the context of a manga chapter I was reading. Which helped a lot compared to having no information at all to rely on to figure out new words. With french, so much having latin and english similarity gave me a lot more tools when I was trying to figure out new words in context. So I think hanzi knowledge in the same kind of way was giving me more information, more related meanings, to pull from and make guesses. For me, that kind of information helps a lot when I study. its how I learned a lot of words in english - I’d relate them to english words I already knew, that they seemed similar to or written with something in common etc. So I could finally start relying on the same strategies I am more used to using for vocabulary figuring-out in japanese.

Current Japanese Progress (picking it up after a couple years gap)

I started trying to study japanese again I think in March or April 2021 - the exact month’s on this blog somewhere. So that’s 4 months as of now that I’ve studied japanese again. It took about 1 month to review the information I already knew - I just reread the beginning portion of Tae Kim’s grammar guide, and did the old lessons I’d done before in Nukemarine’s LLJ memrise decks.

At the very start of review, I just reread the intro of Japanese in 30 Hours (which I’ve read before), and listened to the first 15 lessons in japanese pimsleur. This was all audio or romaji so I didn’t confuse it with chinese. And it reminded me of the particles and general basic grammar. This mainly-audio portion of review was easy to just do while I was walking or playing video games.

After that, I went and reviewed old words and specific grammar using Tae Kim and Nukemarine’s memrise decks (which had text).

Then I was doing new stuff.

I had a goal to play a video game within a few months of restarting japanese - I met that goal about a month after reviewing. So May I think? I wrote down the exact month in previous blog posts.

It was easier than during my initial study at 2.5 years. It was still intense and draining though lol. However, I realized I didn’t actually need a dictionary to follow any main ideas. The biggest issue was either taking a long time to read for detail directions (very draining mentally), or trying to speed read for key info so I could get to a save point faster (draining mentally because I have less info and time to comprehend the info I’m reading). Anyway, not needing any dictionary for following the main overall ideas was a HUGE difference from my last japanese comprehension milestone at 2.5 years into study.

I am pretty sure its hanzi recognition that really boosted my reading comprehension in japanese. I know around ~1500-2000 hanzi in chinese right now, and a decent amount more I can comprehend pretty well if they’re in compound hanzi words (so context clues to figure out which word the ‘unknown’ hanzi is making the new compound word) since I read in chinese a lot. So in japanese, many of the most common kanji are similar to hanzi I’ve already learned well, and a lot of the compound kanji words are also pretty easy to guess a meaning for. And when the kanji doesn’t mean the same thing as the hanzi would, the prior context I have for these video games such as setting (and some knowledge of them in english playthroughs) and a similar-hanzi’s usual general meanings, means I can usually guess what the new japanese word might mean. Like japanese uses some kanji for somewhat different meanings than chinese (but a speech radical still means its probably talking related) then I can figure out from the scene how it might be a different speech-related word etc.

This past month, June 2021, I did two more things that boosted my japanese comprehension.

1. I’m playing a video game now that I know the story of really well. So I know the english lines almost by heart for most scenes, so if I don’t know a word in a sentence or don’t know the grammar pattern going on? I have a much better chance of figuring out what it might be. As a result I’m comprehending nearly all the details and words, nearly all the grammar roughly, so there’s very few portions of the game that I’m running into where I don’t have a good guess about every single part of a sentence or at least nearly everything. It’s Kingdom Hearts 2 I’m playing, and I am not surprised lol to realize I played that game So Much growing up I really do know all the lines by heart once I see them. KH2 is the game I initially played 2 years into studying japanese, and could somehow manage to function playing - probably because I know the game so well. So now? Now of course its the first japanese video game where I can follow nearly every part of it in japanese. It’s? A fun experience?? It’s kind of bizarre to me?

This is my favorite game, THE game when I was little that initially made me want to learn japanese. The game I wanted to play in japanese one day and understand and get to see the differences. It is an odd experience to be actually DOING what I wanted to do since I was 11. Over half of my life I’ve wanted to play this game in japanese! ToT I learned to draw people because of this game! It is absolutely surreal to me to be able to DO it. To be doing it.

Anyway back to study reflections ToT

2. Katakana english cognates and near cognates are galore in KH2 which makes navigation and playing easier than it could be, and my hanzi knowledge also helps with a lot more ‘near cognates’ I can recognize now compared to when I played 2 years into study. Reading Tae Kim’s grammar guide and Cure Dolly (and @yue-muffin telling me iru gets used like ‘ing’ in verbs like ‘doing’ versus to do) also have made the grammar somewhat easier to parse.

2. Clozemaster has ultimately been helping a lot. Clozemaster is definitely a contributing factor to having made KH2 easier to play for DETAIL understanding. I’ve been reading manga lately - which helped me practice parsing grammar in real life versus in textbooks a bit. Grammar and formality in manga like Yotsuba is informal and has these like slang-mood endings to sentences that I never see in grammar books I’ve read or in Nukemarine’s memrise decks (because they’re made from learner materials). But manga is easy to figure out context now, so I was getting used to grammar used in Reality.

Clozemaster is actually really good for practicing this too - and like with french or chinese, I think an upper beginner will be able to use it much better than a beginner. It changes formality, it changes how much slang is in a sentence or how polite, at random. Not all the translations are literal. You need a basic comprehension already to use clozemaster sentences somewhat. I did 632 sentences in clozemaster this past week. That was a LOT of practice with actual words regularly used in sentences, in dialogue, in various levels of formality and with words being hiragana or kanji depending on the specific sentence. So when I started KH2 again? Now a lot of endings that seem to convey moods, and words that I struggled with (like ‘a lot’ ‘always’ ‘because of’ ‘from’ ‘until’ ‘but’ ‘kedo’ ‘dakadesu’ ‘dakada’ etc) I am more used to following what they mean in a sentence. I’ve just seen a LOT of examples of them. Clozemaster also highlights verb endings sort of like their own ‘helper verb’ and while I don’t know if its actually grammatically true, it helps conceptualize stuff like verb tenses for me a lot easier. So now I am having an easier time recognizing them attached to verb stems, and recognizing the point the conjugation is getting across.

The main thing though is its just a lot of very focused practice on recognizing words and grammar in the context of regular sentences instead of learner material. Learner material tends to show one aspect at a time, not mix lots of things together since its giving examples, etc. Clozemaster does mix up the examples a lot - but while still generally having an easier ‘difficulty curve’ than an actual web novel or visual novel etc. Clozemaster will have a lot going on in a sentence but it will all be very common basic stuff where at most half is new stuff, and eventually only 1 is a new thing. Whereas if I just dived into regular materials it could be a bunch of “I know very little” sentences. Manga is good practice for this too - its just you see less text per minute in manga. In Clozemaster you see a lot of text and its generally at my reading level so it feels ‘graded’ but less learner-material perfected, which in this case makes it good for getting used to the variety. I think overall THAT is how Clozemaster is helping right now. Its also helping because of common words - but a lot of what I’ve seen so far has been review too, so I think its the exposure to different sentences and odd things in them that’s been most helpful in translating to making video games feel a bit easier.

I’ve been doing the “most common” word tracks in Clozemaster’s japanese lessons, and I think they’re more useful to me immediately than the JLPT track. The fast track is kind of useful, but it doesn’t expose me to as many sentences to really drill aspects. I took someone’s advice and have been doing listening mode, so I listen then listen a few times and identify words THEN read it and answer the cloze. They also said to do the full ‘most common words’ tracks, and so far that advice has been good. The JLPT track is good too - and matches up more with words I had to learn in my other lessons and textbooks, combined with more complex sentences with more stuff going on in them at once than some learner materials. But since I’m trying to study to understand japanese games, not take the JLPT, I think right now that track less useful to me. In the Common Words track I immediately learned a lot of ‘filler’ words that imply meanings and are important but weren’t in my textbooks, even though I hear them constantly when watching things or playing games. So because of that, right now I’m sticking to the common words track.

Summary: using kingdom hearts 2 is a good immersion material right now since I know the context well, it feels almost ‘graded’ for me since I can comprehend it much easier than other things I know less well (like Crisis Core which I love but requires much more focus and is more mentally draining since I have to re-figure out the initial context of scenes before i can focus on what the specific words mean). And using audio materials, clozemaster, has helped. Also just... I was wondering why lately handling japanese stuff has been easier (compared to previously for me) and I think a huge part of it is that for me hanzi knowledge really helped give me more near-cognates from kanji i can rely on now. Which makes japanese seem much less opaque as far as me trying to use context clues to understand things and learn new words. And since I prefer to learn by DOING, its valuable to me that now I have enough surrounding context and context-hints from kanji to start learning by guessing words in context a bit more. Also, in KH2′s case a huge benefit is the large amount of katakana words that I know what they’re meant to be in english, which are pretty much cognates, and both recognizing kanji a bit and also knowing the rough-english they Should be corresponding to (if its different than the chinese hanzi meaning).

I’m going to keep playing KH2 lets see if its the first Game I can finish in Japanese (which it may well be lol). Also I just... genuinely think that for myself, among the other things I learned about How I personally learn through the years of trying to learn this, I think for me learning some chinese first really helped.

I know books I used to have used to encourage me to learn kanji first, but that always just ended up holding me back from studying more because I just could Not handle a kanji with no sound attached solidly in my mind. And then when I did brute force just study words anyway, it helped, but I still had a much fuzzier way of handling and relating to kanji. And in general just was learning them from nothing as a prior basis.

With chinese, just one sound matched to most hanzi really like clicks with how I remember? And when there are pronunciation changes in my brain it just clicks a lot more like how english word-parts change pronunciation depending on the word - it makes a kind of pattern sense to me I guess? And the logic of sound+meaning for most hanzi formations means I finally get why certain radicals are in things - because it got simplified, or used to hint at sound, since they don’t All have all radicals relating to meaning only. Whereas when I studied kanji prior all the books would try to get me to associate all the radicals with meaning (but sometimes if a radical in hanzi come from a sound they don’t have to do with the meaning). And I guess it was just so much harder for me to stick the information solidly in my brain.

Now? Now I’m finding putting kanji pronunciations to different words is making a bit more sense to me. Like I already have a base to attach it to, so its less hard to add “this extra pronunciation for japanese word X” rather than just “this ONE pronunciation for this BRAND NEW kanji+hiragana word!” Because attaching an extra pronunciation to something I Already know? Is not too hard - I did it in english word-parts for my whole life, I did it with hanzi occasionally in chinese. So now attaching sounds to kanji feels more like something I’m used to doing and know how to do - instead of learning lots of new stuff with no idea how to mash it together and remember it.

Also now the ‘chinese like’ pronunciations for some words stick out to me much clearer in japanese, since I can tell when the pronunciation is similar to a hanzi in chinese versus not. Which makes those words much easier to remember, those pronunciations easier to remember, and it much easier for my brain to distinguish between ‘when to use this pronunciation versus another for this kanji.’ Also just grammar of course, knowing how the pronunciation changes in different forms also helps make it easier to think ‘ok this might be why the kanji sound changed when this verb is in a new conjugation.’

I just. If I would have told myself over 2 years ago that 1. I’d even learn some chinese, and 2. it would help my japanese this much (to a noticeable amount) I would have been really ???

Another thing I think helped is a Decent Solid sound base in chinese - I generally have a sound associated to all hanzi already that I know so I do not ‘confuse’ them with japanese words. Which would definitely happen if my listening wasn’t as solid. I worked on chinese listening a lot the past few months and it helped a LOT with keeping the languages as very distinctly different so I don’t mix up kanji/hanzi (also the fact kanji don’t have tones the same way helps me separate the sound when I hear so I don’t mix up what I’m listening to, which if me listening wasn’t as practiced I think mixing up would happen more - tones really help me clearly keep my brain from even thinking I’m hearing chinese when I see a kanji and hear pronunciation).

#rant #june #june progress #july #july progress #i'll make a proper finished post later. this is a draft #so i can look at it if im curious later

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shy-magpie · 3 years

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RQG 157

these things get long and are by definition one spoiler after another, so live blog under the cut

pre episode nonsense:

My hopes for this episode are mostly just the obvious: For Zolf to pull out of his spiral; for Azu to talk to someone about how she's doing; for Hamid to find his footing with the Kobolds (loving that they are devoting a proper arc to using unearned privilege/power rather than pretending it doesn't exist); more Cel lore; a Wug; and for someone to shake answers out of the Brorb. Not sure Alex is going to let us get to know the kids individually which makes sense as juggling 7 new NPCs would seriously cut into everyone else's screen time. I think we will get more of Skraak & Hamid working through their issues, and Skraak's helping the kids through recovery. If we are very lucky maybe Zolf & Skraak will talk rather than just have Zolf resent the Kobolds for putting Hamid in a place to fall into old habits. Okay lets hit play!

Episode live blogging:

Intros are quick: Zolf sounds low, Ben sounds higher energy than he was.

Oh the Brorb drawings come better when the other half is distracted but not thinking about the real topic.

Krakens are through out the globe, unknown numbers, not true instances of Shoin, network is down.

Cel and I both react to having Shoin be the one to come closest to a truly non physical form.*

Krakens are cloned brains in robot bodies. Specifically said Daleks not Jurassic Park.

Shoin thinks he sent a ransom note using the Kraken as a threat against the world.

Does not handle it well when Zolf hones in on that no one knows who he is, much less trembles at his name.**

Hamid follows Zolf's lead and twists it towards boasting about beating the Infection. The talking half doesn't seem to know how he did it as clearly as the drawing bit. Unfortunately its strictly surgical which would be hard to reproduce at scale even before you consider the side effects.

Quick huddle with the rest of the team:

Cel always wanted to go to London?

Zolf wants to ask more about how the infection works so they could prevent infection. Wilde thinks he is suggesting using Shoin's solution, I get Alex has to catch people up but I don't like Wilde being a paragraph behind me or underestimating Zolf.

Bryn wants to review the diary. Alex confirms the diary says he had a possible way to "end it" as a whole.

They go back and Cel feigns being extremely impressed that Shoin might have a way to stop the infection. I think having time to regroup cut him off from his memory of the infection again. Alex spells out Shoin loses coherence whenever they bring up the infection/the time period around when he was infected.

Heal check time. Zolf crit fails. Azu got a 29 and can see where his theory was better than his surgery. It may be an aphasia (issues to with communication. can't get to certain words, some can't be spoken even if he understands the concept; others he can't understand if he hears them even if he uses the word/concept himself. Brain trauma, memory problems more severe the more recent you get, sounds like unable to store short term memory properly so anything longer ago than a week but after surgery likely lost.)

Cel switches to the simulacrum. He verbally dismisses it as a waste of time. His hand keeps drawing based on the previous question re:stopping the infection.

Alex calls for a sense motive. Zolf & Azu see the latest drawing is a landscape using technical notation. Its a barren mine. Yes! it's the entrance to Svalbard. Cel can see its a circuit. Alex makes us/Lydia wait until after he's done with the simulacrum stuff.

Shoin thinks using humans as your base design to improve from is the wrong approach, gives some credit to Francois Henri for taking a different approach.

The circuit maybe to transmit something, it needs an organic component. Cel couldn't roll much better then that so they probably need to kick it towards the Harlequins to set a team on.

Shoin is moaning about paying the bills. Took on the contract to provide Simulacrum fluidics to Damascus for the money.

Drawings change shape get less technical and focus on the cavern entrance. Ben catches it sounds yonic, Alex was trying to not go there but did he really think you could go from cave imagery to seed imagry without stopping there?

Hamid tries to get more on how he caught the infection.

Bryn and Alex spell out that to get answers you ask a real question he won't answer verbally but will answer with his hand, with a decoy to keep the talking him distracted while the hand answers.

Decoy question is about Harrison Campell.

Concept drawing of a person, overwhelmed by an image of a huge figure with lines going from the small to the large? Is he suggesting they plant someone they prepare to be infected, and have them infect it back?

Proofs? Minor changes between the proofs and published version of early Campbell books.

Another review session upstairs. Hamid's red string wall got cited as being useful! Cult of Hades/Wellington may have been the one to hire Shoin to make parts for Damascus. Zolf and Hamid talk briefly, about work and as dry "stick to the subject" as possible but they are talking productively.

Oh Ben finally gets in that the interrogation is hard on Zolf's knees because he has to keep his legs out of the cell. He snaps a little at Cel when they comment on cell vs Cel. Carter suggests "naughty box" which nicely derails that point of tension. Cel refers to Shoin as being more pleasant to talk to than Carter. Not sure if that undermines the tiny Cel/Carter ship or fuels it with tension.

Cel asks who hired Shoin to make Sim parts. He can answer directly. Well directly for him, it seems to be mostly justifying stealing Tesla's work on the basis that Tesla wasn't going to implement his theory. Hamid snipes him with a shot praising Edison to get him back on topic. Shoin says Edison was being backed by a big investor. Is it to much to hope this is Alex finally consolidating the factions? If Hades is Edison's investor (leaving Edison & co as effectively their minions, rather than a faction of their own) and the factory owners we can cut down on sides considerably.

He goes on about how he spied on Henri, religion as money maker. Shoin was directly approached by Hades lot. Shoin made sure his bits won't work since he didn't want competition. Wellington was his contact with Hades. Wellington always had a pair of cloaked figures. Vinegar + squizard = funny? Could be useful.

Do not follow what is going on with the hand.

Shoin is still unstuck in time and thinks he is going to connect them. Cel unplugs the speaker on his villain speech. Cel induces a dream state by powering him down

~break~

Cel suggests painlessly killing him. Zolf seconds the idea because its immoral to keep him like that. Hamid points out the longer the keep him around the more likely it is for someone to be infected. Wilde rules they should kill and seal it off.

Cel & Zolf have an argument about having the Kobolds handle the remains. Cel calls Zolf out on his inconstant stance on whether the Kobolds can be infected because if he doesn't believe that then he is risking them.

Wilde is moving on? Cel suggests letting the Brorb die, putting it in a bag of holding, keeping the bag in the anti magic field.

They can't just call Einstein because using unofficial channels is bad when irregular behavior is a sign of infection(?)

Alex's unhealthy attitudes about productivity are called out when he refers to the time Wilde spends thinking/planning before getting their transport arranged as "working" (with the inverted commas) rather than considering it part of the work.

They work out possible paths if teleporting is off the table.

And the boys are snapping at each other again. Zolf, you can't flip out every time you are reminded that Hamid doesn't have the experience or expertise of a seasoned sailor. Yeah you did leave the team without your skills and maybe the kid was a bit green for a field promotion; but you know what? He did a fine job, and the other choices were Sasha, who wouldn't lead, and Bertie, who shouldn't. Just because stepping down was the right thing to do, doesn't mean you get to lose it when you are confronted with the mere allusion to the idea it had consequences.

Barnes tells Hamid why going over the pole is a really bad idea. That Azu's suggestion is carrying Hamid has troubling symbolism.

Zolf actually comes more or less to Hamid's defense by pointing out that all their options are bad options, so having a go at Hamid's idea in particular is unwarranted.

I'm not going to bother listing out options. They will pick one or won't need to pick one. If we have been a very good fandom Alex may reward us with Earhart coming back as their preferred transport.

There we go, Hamid suggests her, Zolf seizes on the idea compliments Hamid on it, and immediately takes it to Wilde. Thank God he isn't so far down he can't do that. If he isn't compulsively shooting down any hope (especially from Hamid) then he really is on the upswing from the low brought on by quarantine stress.

Lydia isn't happy that there isn't going to be an American chapter. Then again we wrote off Svalbard, so don't give up!

Its the Northwest Passage and its so weird realizing that not everyone has it as a cultural reference. Wonder if it's an Oregon thing or a US thing.

Yes it would have been cool, but I think Alex is not going to let us have cool new story arcs when we haven't played with the ones we have at home.

Einstein and Earhart are our two best transport options. I am a happy fan. Especially if Zolf has to use his family and Earhart’s reaching out to him near the end of the journey to appeal to her. I mean we did get more on Zolf's relationship with his family than I expected after Paris, so I'm not going to sulk if they don't pursue this, but it would be nice.

Conflicted as a fan, its hard to remember that this taking months extra is a bad thing when the end of the series is feeling too close for comfort.

Zolf, look at you leveraging your experience with moving even when things feel hopeless!

Cel I love you, kraken as submarine is brilliant. Air kraken is suggested by Carter.

Hamid plays with the ideas while Alex goes "why?". Because you are going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than that if you want Hamid to see it as a no win situation rather than proof he needs to redouble on cheerful creativity. Feeling like he had no options led to the worst parts of Hamid's life, the things he is truly ashamed of; having few losses outside of those, he is going to make Kirk's Kobayashi Maru hang ups look amateur.

Zolf is heading to the beach.

Cel is checking on their village.

Hamid wants to contact Einstein himself, Zolf says he should talk to Wilde about that. Hamid wants Zolf with him for that meeting. Zolf either doesn't want to be a safety blanket, wants Hamid to get used to dealing with Wilde directly, or completely missed Hamid offering a chance to work together because he is incapable of seeing Wilde as an opponent. He does say some nice things about being a team.

Hamid tells Cel to say hi to Jasper for them. He is good at the people side of leadership. Remembering names and relationships, knowing how to show he cares because it's important to Cel without overstepping. If Zolf can learn to let go of the rank stuff, they could be an unbeatable team of co leaders.

Zolf nods at Azu. Azu smiles proudly back. Alex jokes about not liking giving them time to heal because they coordinate.

Hamid offers hugs to both Cel and Zolf. Because this entire character is a "fuck you" to toxic masculinity and he is not afraid to openly show affection to his friends.

Cel gives him a great hug.

Zolf hesitates but gives him a pat on the shoulder. Hamid's has high enough charisma to make that not awkward. Good kid, accepting that Zolf is reaching out as far as he can.

Hamid talks to Skraak. Hamid is worried about taking the kids. Maybe Skraak can convince them to stay & help Jasper with science. Because RQG loves us and wants us to be happy, they are considering a fantasy some of us harbored since "science" as a serious possibility. Could solve the issue with Alex not wanting the kids to take up too much screen time too. Skraak is the perfect character for Hamid to have as his second. He believes in Hamid, and can be confided in, but isn't going to take an ounce of self pity or bullshit.

Alex that village better be okay. Smoke? Controlled burn. Ben lightens the mood. The tank is still guarding the village. The barricade is up but they are guarding about as well as a village of level 0(1?) characters can be expected to.

They are having a party and there is a bon fire. Because Alex knows we wouldn't have trusted him if there wasn't a little scare with the smoke. !puns

The village is visibly healing since the weather is fixed. They thank Cel but know better than to ask.

Jasper! Jasper is looking good. He stepped in as a leader of the village. Cel and I could burst with pride. Jasper thinks Cel is coming to stay, Cel tries to explain they are going to help save the other villages around the world and mentions that Jasper would like the Kobolds.

!puns

* One day I need to hunt down the right corner of SF because there has got to be a decent amount of trans humanist fiction for trans humans out there somewhere.

**Not sure if I should feel bad for hoping this gives him a safe target for his destructive tendencies. Ideally Zolf would get past that point without indulging his dark side lest he reinforce bad coping mechanisms. Ideally Zolf would have weekly therapy without the fate of the world on his shoulders too. Its the more personal version of looking forward to a fight after Hamid's been stressed because he seems to find cooking baddies cathartic.

#Rusty Quill Gaming #live blog thingy #RQG 157 #RQG Spoilers #RQG Season 4

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

#survey #surveys #questions

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bergarachan · 4 years

Text

just let me adore you (oh honey)

rating: T

summary: Ryan, a couple weeks after experiencing a shitty breakup, goes to a bar to take his mind off of things. He quickly realizes the bar is a gay bar. He also realizes that Shane has been hiding some things from him.

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Ryan Bergara had had a long fucking day.

A long fucking month, to be fair. He hadn’t really told anyone except for his roommates (because it’s hard to hide things from the people you live with), but he and his girlfriend had broken up after a year of being together. They realized together that the affection they were giving each other was just an imitation of romantic love. They wanted to love each other, but honestly, they only thought of each other as friends. It was a relieving and devastating realization for both of them. Ryan cried, he was miserable for a week or two, but after that, friends they had become. It was almost like nothing had changed, that he and Mari were almost meant to be friends. And that revelation had sent Ryan into a spiral of a questioning panic. Ryan had never experimented with guys before… but honestly? Feeling a man’s stubble scratch him while they kissed…shit. Ryan shuddered. Maybe he should go out, get his head out of the gutter for a bit.

Ryan texted Shane, his best friend, asking if he wanted to come. But the latter just texted back with a “busy, sorry lil guy!!!!!!!!!!!!” (yes, with that many exclamation points), so clearly he was going alone for the night.

He threw on a long brown coat over the current black turtleneck he had on, and he looked at himself in the mirror. Holy shit, he looked good. He usually just shoved on a tee-shirt and skinny jeans but recently since the break-up he had been experimenting with style and he realized just how much he liked to dress up. It was quite fun, actually. Running his hands in his hair one last time while looking in the mirror, he decided he looked good enough to go out.

He decided to go to a bar that somehow he hadn’t really gone to before, nor had he heard of. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too crowded; however, it was a Friday night so maybe he was pushing his luck. He booked an uber and was swiftly picked up and driven to the bar.

Walking in, he noticed something was a little different. The people seemed louder, more confident, more lively, which made him frown in confusion to himself as he sat down. He ordered a beer; the bartender gave him a wink as he handed it to Ryan, and Ryan tried very hard to hide the blush that appeared on his face at the action. Jesus, what was happening to him? He had just started questioning his sexuality and he was already blushing like a newborn flower.

“Hey, is that Ryan Bergara?!” A familiar voice shouted from behind him.

Ryan whipped around and, seeing the person in question, he smiled. Finally, some good fucking company. “Hey, Curly!”

Curly, who was wearing a very Curly-typical outfit, slid into the seat next to Ryan. “Hey, Ryry! Didn’t expect to see you here. What brings you to a gay bar on a Friday night?”

Ryan was taking a sip of his beer and he nearly spat it out. “What?”

Curly frowned. “What?”

“This… this is a gay bar?” Ryan exclaimed. Curly chuckled a little in response, almost in disbelief.

“Was that not obvious, chico?” Curly asked, and watching Ryan shyly shake his head no, he smiled. “Oh, Ryan. Sweet, innocent Ryan. What would Mari say?” Ryan knows this was a complete joke, that Curly didn’t know, that he was just playing around and expected Ryan to laugh. But it kinda stung. Ryan immediately looked down to his lap.

“Oh. Uhm… actually,” Ryan stammered, “Her and I… we… split. About a month ago.”

Curly’s face immediately turned from playful to sympathetic. “Oh, no, Ryan…” And no, Ryan didn’t want to have this conversation.

“No, no… it was mutual. Besides… I’ve kinda been, uh, wanting to… experiment… lately?” He blushed as he said it out loud.

Curly’s eyebrows raised. “Oh?”

Ryan smiled shyly. “Yeah… I’ve been thinking about it and…”

“You realized boys are actually really pretty and hot and you want to get that D?” Curly finished for him.

Ryan laughed, embarrassed, cheeks flushing. “Yeah, I do, I guess.” He started to take a sip of his beer.

“It’s okay, mi principito,” Curly said, patting Ryan’s head as if he were a silly child. “We all knew you were a bottom, anyways.”

Ryan choked on his beer. “WhAT?” He coughed a couple times while Curly laughed, trying to regain the ability to breathe.

After laughing, Curly ignored him. “Anyways,” he turned towards the stage towards the back wall of the bar. “Usually on Fridays we have a music guest or two. I’ve come a couple times to listen, they’re usually really good.”

“Cool,” said Ryan. “When do they come on?”

“Around, like, eight, so in…” Curly checked his watch. “Ten minutes. You should stay and listen!”

Ryan shrugged. “Sure! It sounds like fun, and I’m planning on having a lot more beers than one tonight.” Curly laughed.

The two men talked for the next ten minutes, Curly asking lots of questions about Ryan discovering his sexuality, and Ryan answered as best as he could. It wasn’t a long story, really. After his breakup, he had just thought “Huh. Men are hot too. I should try dating one. I want a boyfriend. Wait what?” and that’s basically how it went. Curly asked Ryan if there were any guys he was interested in, and Ryan thought for a moment. As much as he didn’t really like to admit it, Shane was the first person that came to Ryan’s mind. Shane was always there for him, was there through his breakup with Helen, there through his recovery, supportive of him and Mari and their breakup respectively. He was there to care for Ryan when he felt down, they sang songs together, ran a show together, ran a goddamned business together, and not to mention, as much as Ryan hated it, Shane was hot. Ryan even caught himself staring at his scruffy beard, his shiny brown eyes, and the muscles he liked to pretend he didn’t have but definitely did have. Shane wasn’t fucking ripped like Ryan was (according to all his friends), but he had muscles. Shane was strong. And Ryan wondered what his strong hands would look like wrapped around Ryan’s ne- nope, nope, Ryan, you’re in public.

Choking kink aside, Ryan really did like Shane. Maybe Ryan even loved Shane. It wasn’t likely Shane had ever, or will ever feel the same back.

“What’re you thinking about, my friend?” Curly asked from beside him.

Ryan shook his head. “Nothing important.” It wasn’t important, really. Ryan would go on pretending he didn’t have feelings for Shane, just like he had probably been pretending for the past five years, and life would go on. Had it really been five years? Yeesh.

Curly looked like he was about to say something, but a loud mic feedback from across the room stopped them both. They turned their heads to a man at the mic. He had dark hair, smoothed back; but he also looked like he came here literally every day. He was wearing a hawaiian t-shirt, as you do, and worn-down jeans.

“Hey, everyone,” said the man as the people went quiet, “I’m Jared, I run this place. I hope you’re all having a great time so far.” He cleared his throat, then continued. “So, uh, today we have a musical guest. I think he should introduce himself actually, so…” He looked to his side, seemingly looking for someone standing at the side of the stage, then turned back. “take it away!” Jared exclaimed, and everybody started to clap. Ryan did, too.

Jared hastily came off the stage, and then another man walked onstage. He was wearing a white button-down, with the first couple of buttons undone, showing off his chest and collarbone. He wore black dresspants and clear framed glasses. He was tall and his hair was a light brown and his beard was neatly trimmed and oh my fucking god, that’s Shane. Ryan realized. His eyes widened like golf balls, and he turned to exchange a look with Curly, who’s eyes were equally as wide.

“Hey,” Shane said (oh my god, it’s fucking Shane) into the mic. “I uh, have a song to sing. I wrote it myself, actually.” The crowd cheered a little, and Shane laughed bashfully. “Yeah.”

As Shane continued talking to the crowd Ryan leaned into Curly and hissed, “Did you know anything about this?!”

Curly whispered back, “No, I would’ve told you. Holy shit, Ryan, he looks good.” And Ryan couldn’t argue with that. Jesus, Shane looked downright incredible in that outfit, and he must’ve gotten another haircut, because he looked like a sophisticated lawyer. For whatever reason, Ryan was into it.

“So, uh, this song is called ‘adore you’,” Shane continued, “It’s about one of my friends. He’s… he’s incredible, really. Inside and out. And, in our friendship we don’t get to, like, express our feelings a lot. It’s mostly jokes and bits. And… I wrote this when I was feeling emotional one day and I just wanted to tell him that- you know what? I’ll just sing it for you.” Shane cut himself off from his story, and in the back of his mind, Ryan wondered who the song was about. Shane had a lot of friendships that were more joking than emotional.

The band behind Shane started to play, and as the intro to the song faded in Shane vocalized with this “Ahh…” that was beautiful and controlled and incredible and how did Ryan not realize that Shane was that good at singing. It made Ryan’s heart do a flip-flop in his chest.

The drums kicked in, and Shane started to sing.

“Walk in your rainbow paradise Strawberry lipstick state of mind”

Holy shit. This song was lovely so far, in Ryan’s opinion. Whoever Shane had written the song about was the luckiest person in the world.

“I get so lost inside your eyes,” Shane continued to sing, “Would you believe it?”

“Never took Shane as a romantic,” Curly nudged Ryan in the shoulder, and Ryan shrugged.

“Me either.” Ryan dazedly wished it was him Shane was singing about. He’d pay good money to get a song as good as that, written just for him.

“You don’t have to say you love me You don’t have to say nothin You don’t have to say you’re mine honey,”

Ryan sighed, smiling. What a sap Shane was. Ryan always knew Shane was a sweetheart. He couldn’t wait to tease him about this.

The chorus kicked in, and Ryan’s breath caught. Shane sang this soft “ahhh” with backing harmonies from the band, and Ryan refused to believe Shane had that much talent. Maybe Ryan was less straight than he originally assumed.

“I’d walk through fire for you, Just let me adore you, oh honey, I’d walk through fire for you, Just let me adore you Like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do,” Shane gripped the mic stand with both his hands, started to tap with his feet, gaining a little bit of confidence as the crowd wooed a little bit. It made Ryan smile even wider to see Shane so happy, so relieved the crowd was enjoying what he’d made.

Shane started to sing the second verse. “Your wonder under summer skies Brown skin and lemon over ice Would you believe it?”

Curly nudged him again. “What?” Ryan asked. Curly just wiggled his eyebrows in response, causing Ryan to flush and shove him playfully. “Curly, you think he’s-? Oh god, dude, no. No. No.” Ryan giggled, embarrassed at the thought.

“I’m just saying,” Curly said, smug, and Ryan decided to give him a shove again.

“You don’t have to say you love me I just wanna tell you something Lately you’ve been on my mind,” The crowd had started to clap along with Shane’s song as the short instrumental in between the bridge and chorus started. Shane laughed bashfully, looking among the crowd of hands clapping. His smile fell ever so slightly as his gaze landed, consequently, on Ryan. Ryan’s breath hitched. Their eye contact was intense, full of an emotion Ryan couldn’t place. He quickly broke the eye contact by shyly looking down at his shoes. Shane’s voice didn’t waver, even if his expression did. He just continued to sing as beautifully as he ever had. The music faded to a simple base as Shane sang the chorus again,

“I’d walk through fire for you Just let me adore you Oh, honey,” The drums and guitar with the lovely melody and the rest of the instruments started to play again. Shane’s gaze flicked to Ryan’s again, and stayed there as he sang the rest of the chorus.

“I’d walk through fire for you Just let me adore you Oh, honey I’d walk through fire for you just let me adore you Like it’s the only thing i’d ever do,” Shane bounced along to the beat as the crowd started to clap again and cheer. Shane was smiling again, and this time the smile didn’t waver as he looked Ryan deep in the eyes and crooned, “Like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do,”

Ryan’s heart skipped a beat. This song couldn’t be about him, it just couldn’t. Shane could never like Ryan. Ryan was… a lot, emotionally. Ryan’s face wasn’t as symmetrical as it could be. Ryan talked too much about sports, his smile was wonky, his-

And with the last kick of the bass drum, the song ended. The crowd, including curly, whooped and cheered and clapped, and Ryan swore he’d never seen Shane smile wider. Ryan clapped too, laughing and smiling. He felt like a proud mother, even though he literally had never seen Shane sing like that.

“Alright, well,” Shane gripped the mic again, and the crowd settled down. “That was a cheese-show, wasn’t it? Gross,” Shane was clearly joking, and the crowd laughed along with him, including Ryan. “Anyways, here’s a song I did not write. Here’s What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club.” The band started to play again, and the crowd cheered as Shane started to sing.

Shane sang a bunch more songs, the rest of them just being covers of other songs that Ryan knew Shane liked. Ryan was genuinely enjoying himself too, and so were the rest of the people in the bar. He even saw some of the bartenders bobbing their heads and tapping their fingers along to the beat of whatever song Shane was singing. Every once in a while, Shane and Ryan would make eye contact, Ryan would flush, and Shane would smile as if he knew something Ryan didn’t; a secret. It was exhilarating to see Shane look at him like that. Ryan didn’t want Shane to stop doing that.

Once Shane finished his last song, he said in the mic to the crowd, “That’s it for tonight, folks. I, uh, I don’t sing often in front of a crowd,” Unless you count creating and singing a song about moonlight and french fries in front of people, Ryan thought to himself, making himself smirk.”So this was really special for me. Thanks to the band back here,” He motioned to the band, and people started to clap, “And thanks for clapping along and stuff. This was fun. Goodnight, enjoy the rest of your night!” And with that, the band started to pack up and Shane walked off of the stage.

Ryan locked eyes with Curly, and they shared a smile. “Should we go up and see him?”

Curly nodded enthusiastically, “Yes, omigod, yes, I am going to tell him to get on the radio, oh my gosh, that was amazing!” He gushed, and grabbed Ryan’s hand and pulled him through the crowd to get to the side of the stage where Shane would be putting away his gear.

When they got to the side of the stage, Shane was standing there, fixing his hair (as if it didn’t look gorgeous already, Ryan thought) and Curly pushed Ryan forward, having him face Shane up close.

“Hey there, Ryan,” Shane said with a soft smile, as suave and as cool as ever, and Ryan couldn’t do anything but gaze up at him amazedly, knowing full-well he looked like a swooning 15 year old girl, and giggle a little bit. God, what was Shane doing to him? He had literally never reacted like this, and yet, after Shane’s whole show, seeing him singing like that, looking like that, dressed like that, Ryan really could do nothing but swoon in his presence.

“Uh, Shane?!” Curly gushed from behind Ryan, taking a step forward and saving Ryan from any more embarrassment. “That was incredible! I didn’t know you could sing like that?!”

“Oh, hey, Curly!” At Curly’s response, Shane blushed a little bit, rubbed the back of his neck bashfully, “Well, uh, yeah. I’ve been writing and singing for a while now, just never got the chance to, like, perform. I struck up a conversation with the guy who owns the place and he brought up the musical guest thing, I told him about my songs, and… yeah. It went from there.” Shane turned back to Ryan, “Now what I want to know, is what you’re doing here.”

Ryan blushed even more. Usually when he blushed it didn’t show too much under slightly dimmed lights like these and under his tanned skin, but he probably looked like an anime girl at this point. “I didn’t know it was a gay bar. Whoops.”

A short silence fell upon the three, and finally Ryan, feeling awkward, softly said, “You were incredible.”

Shane said, “You look incredible.” Ryan looked down, shy. Fuck Shane for making him so bashful.

“Hey, Ryan?” Shane asked. His brown eyes looked so deep, yet so bright and full of emotion.

“Yeah, big guy?” Ryan responded, breath taken away.

“Can we… head outside for a moment?” He looked to Curly for permission, and Curly, the bastard, nodded, a smirk growing on his face. Fuck you, Curly.

“Oh,” Ryan blinked, taken aback by the question, “Yeah. Of course. Sure.”

Shane led the way, and he and Ryan stepped outside the bar. The air was slightly chilly, the sky was dark, devoid of stars, and the wind blew slightly. Ryan shivered, and he felt a large, warm hand on his shoulder.

“Uh,” Shane started, and Ryan glanced at Shane. He seemed… nervous. He was looking at his feet, hands in his pockets. “So… the song… the one I sang in the beginning.” He said, looking unsure/

Ryan nodded, goading him on. “Yeah, that was such a beautiful song, Shane. Whoever you wrote it about is super lucky.” Oh, god, I just said that out loud. Of course. “Uh… it was really good. I liked it. A lot.”

Shane smiled at that, a beautiful smile that Ryan was glad to see on Shane’s face. “Remember when we were filming tourist trapped?”

Ryan nodded. “Yeah?” He remembered it clearly. It was one of the best days of his 2019, hands down.

“I really loved those few days we were filming. It… it was amazing. I loved eating hotdogs and gin with you, going on stupidly scary roller coasters with you, hugging Snoopy with you,” That got a laugh out of both of them, “And it really was some of the greatest days of my life.” That makes two of us. “So… I got home, and… I wrote a song about it.”

Ryans breath caught. He couldn’t mean… “You…” Ryan stammered.

“Adore You is about you, Ry.”

Ryan’s face turned red. “Really?” He practically whispered. Shane nodded. “Shane…”

“Shh,” Shane shushed him, placing a hand on his cheek softly and swooping down to kiss Ryan.

Ryan gasped into the kiss, going still for a few moments before going Oh, yeah, your super hot super cute super sweet best friend is kissing you, you should probably kiss back, and kiss back he did. Shane wouldn’t let the kiss go beyond anything but chaste and sweet, wrapping his arms around Ryan’s waist to pull him closer as Ryan (on his tiptoes) wrapped his arms around Shane’s neck. “Shane,” Ryan sighed dreamily into the kiss, and Shane smiled against his lips in response.

When they finally broke apart for air, Shane smiled, pressing one last kiss to Ryan’s cheek. “Shane.” Ryan said, out of breath.

“Ryan.” Shane replied.

Ryan played with Shane’s collar. “Wanna go back inside?” He shot Shane with his classic puppydog eyes, glancing at him through his lashes. He knew Shane was a sucker for them, kiss or no kiss.

“If you insist,” said Shane, and the two went back inside, blushes on their cheeks and smiles on their faces. Ryan wondered what this meant for them. That kiss was something Ryan didn’t even know that he wanted, until tonight. He shook his head, deciding they’d discuss it later. Right now, he was happy, he was with Shane, and Curly, and this is where we wanted to be.

As they walked back inside, Ryan caught himself humming the ever-so-familiar tune,

just let me adore you, like it’s the only thing i’ll ever do.

#shyan #shyan fanfiction #belle writes #shyan fic

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enchanted-prose · 4 years

Text

#17 Blackberry Night ii

this wasn’t in my original outline for the series but here we are

Word count: 2,358

Characters: Tobias, Amarinda, Jaron, Imogen

Notes: huge shoutout to my darling beta, and also to my girl lu for being a tobias/amarinda stan

Enjoy!

Tobias didn’t always enjoy grand parties. They were too loud, too crowded. He picked at the color of his pale gold coat. Good thing he and Jaron decided to enter the great hall at different times, otherwise he’d be hearing comments about how poor he looked in the color he’d chosen.

Jaron’s leg caused too much pain to bear with talking to pompous nobles, Tobias and Harlowe both agreed to do the talking.

The more nobles Tobias spoke to, the more he realized how much he didn’t fit in.

It was easy to ignore the divide between Tobias and the other nobles when he wasn’t around them. He avoided speaking to them unless he absolutely had to. Typically it worked.

Some time ago, Roden explained how he was able to avoid unwanted conversation. He frowned slightly, lowered his brow, and always kept his posture straight. Nobody wanted to talk to somebody who had business to attend to.

However, Roden was far more intimidating than Tobias. It took several tries before Tobias was able to successfully avoid being cornered and questioned by a noble.

Too many people were at the Blackberry Night festivities, avoiding conversation was impossible.

When would he see Amarinda?

She was much more gracious at declining an invitation to tea from the eel eyed lord of Eberstein. When Tobias declined invitations, he felt rude, and was probably perceived as rude. He tried to avoid stepping on as many toes as he possibly could.

He was running out of excuses.

“I am so sorry Master Powys, my wife and I already have existing plans.”

“Ah! I can’t attend, I agreed to give medical attention to the poor in lower Drylliad!”

“Amarinda and I are going to be assisting the queen with washing her new cat, it’s been scheduled for months.”

“Unfortunately, Bymar holds a festival for their patron saint of cheese that day, and we can’t miss honoring him and risk ruining all of Bymar’s cheese product.”

There was no sign of Jaron or anybody else Tobias could talk to. He tugged at the sleeves of his coat. Glittering dust floated from the ceiling and was caught on the creases in Tobias’s coat. The dust clung to his lashes.

It was more of an annoyance than a pretty thing.

Tobias rubbed the glitter out of his eyes, and threw himself into the crowd of dancing guests. He’d find Roden near the sweets table, he was sure of it.

Though his confidence took a blow when he reached the table and found no sign of his friends.

Now lonely despite the sea of people, Tobias made his way back into the center of the room, hoping that by some fluke he could locate Jaron.

Both sides of the great hall were lined with trellises covered in plants; they formed tiny rooms complete with swinging trellis doors. One of them shifted ever so slightly. Jaron had to be hiding in there. He had to be.

Tobias wasn’t sure who he’d turn to if he was wrong again.

He’d almost managed to ignore the sudden wave of silence. Everything halted, from the dancers to the musicians. Nobody said a single word.

His wife was responsible for the sudden reverence in the great hall.

Amarinda walked down the stairs with her arm linked with Imogen’s. Her tardiness was easily excused; she captured the attention of everyone in the room.

One of the trellis walls wiggled, and Jaron’s head poked out from behind it.

The musicians began to play again, this time their piece started with a shy intro, playing with the softness a doe carried as she walked through the woods.

His face burned. You’d be a fool not to agree that Amarinda’s brilliance rivaled the legends of Carthya’s magical residents.

Her chestnut hair tumbled down her back, a gold net covering the top and sides of her head, framing her face in the process. The gown she wore boasted a high collar and wide, sweeping sleeves that threatened to brush the ground. White rosebuds clung to the hem, trailing up to bunch together at the edge of her gold bodice.

Jaron had forced his way over to Imogen; Tobias didn’t remember seeing him move.

Was it allowed?

Was he allowed to speak to such an ethereal-

Of course he was! Amarinda was his wife!

Tobias pulled up the collar of his coat, smoothed back his hair, and marched through the bowing crowd. He’d married her, it was allowed. He’d married her, it was allowed.

“Somebody will write a sonnet about the way you look tonight,” Tobias blurted once he’d finally reached Amarinda. “After I have, of course.”

“I do love poetry,” Amarinda’s moonbeam smile was all too intoxicating. “Especially if you wrote it.”

“You look- you look absolutely stunning. Not that you don’t already always look stunning, it’s just- ah, I don’t know. Not quite sure of what I can say. If I wrote stories of magic and enchantresses, you’d always be my heroine.”

“And you’d always be my hero, Tobias,” Amarinda countered. She reached for his hand. “Dance with me?”

He took her by the waist, “I thought you’d never ask.”

The music grew louder; other couples joined the dance. Jaron and Imogen, Kerwyn and Mistress Orlaine. Several other young nobles twirled along with the rest. Tobias bit his tongue, praying his cheeks would return to a normal shade.

“I heard you used Saints Brigge and Naoise as an excuse to not go hunting with Master Previn,” Amarinda said.

Ah, Saints. Tobias’s face only burned fiercer. “I couldn’t think of anyone else, and I know how important Bymarian cheese is to you, we can’t risk their anger.”

“You’re absolutely right we can’t. Cheese carries far more value than we give credit.”

“I hope you’re not angry about not going hunting, you weren’t with me, and I wasn’t sure what to do.”

Amarinda laughed, and clung to Tobias’s shoulder as he dipped her. “Hunting is fun with the right company, but Master Previn has outdated views. He probably wanted us to accompany him so he could tell me about why I need to stop promoting trousers for women.”

“Maybe we should go hunting so you can wear trousers to anger him.”

“As funny as that would be, I’d rather face anger because of a declined invitation than turn Master Previn away from the crown. There are better battles to fight.”

“Battles like forcing Jaron to sit down and rest?” Tobias nodded towards Imogen, who was limping Jaron to one of the trellis walled spaces.

She nodded, “Exactly like that.”

Tobias raised their clasped hands, and guided her in a circle around himself. He remembered the first time he’d danced with her; truly, genuinely danced. It wasn’t as grand as Blackberry Night, and it never would be. They’d danced around the fire while smuggling Amarinda to Bymar during the Avenian war. Fink served as their musician by drumming on a log.

She’d taught him the steps to a Bymarian barn dance.

He practiced them in the privacy of his chambers after the war ended, only to be caught by Roden, which led Tobias to teaching Roden the same steps and a silent pact between the two of them to never speak of the experience again.

Roden occasionally served as Tobias’s partner when he couldn’t get the steps right. Tobias led, but he didn’t feel like he could ever truly lead a dance when his partner’s size rivaled that of a war torn bear.

Every practice session paid off when Tobias had the chance to lead Amarinda across the floor into the sounds of Bymarian pipes and drums.

Although the same couldn’t be said for Roden, who’d practiced the woman’s part too long and couldn’t quite get the man’s steps.

He’d never forget the way Amarinda glided across the great hall’s stone floor after their wedding.

“I’ve been considering asking Jaron for a few days’ leave,” Tobias blurted as the music changed to a light reel. He tucked his left arm behind his back, and held his right as straight as he could while still holding onto Amarinda’s hand. “Just to escape to the countryside. Libeth, maybe.”

“Are you still thinking about the attack the Faola led against you?” Amarinda frowned.

“No, not really. A little, actually, but not often enough to put pressure on my work.”

It wasn’t quite a lie. Tobias had been in enough mishaps to understand when he was safe and when he wasn’t. The day after he’d been attacked had been-

Unpleasant.

He woke up the morning certain that somebody was watching him, only to find that Fink was waiting at the foot of his bed to deliver a message. Every creaking door reminded him of the way the Faola’s saber slipped from the scabbard.

But he’d been safe in the castle the entire time.

Eventually, he recognized that. Recognized that he was no longer in danger.

And then he was able to continue on with his schedule as he always did.

“Where would we go?” Amarinda asked, pausing with the music.

Tobias shrugged, “Anywhere. To the south, to Mendenwal. I’d even go to Eberstein, even if there’s not much to do there.”

All he needed was Amarinda and he’d be fine.

Although a book would be nice too.

There was nothing more pleasant than the summer sun lazily pushing its way through trees while Amarinda was curled up in the crook of his elbow, reading the old tales of knights and vengeful spirits.

“Mendenwal is always very nice this time of year,” Amarinda mused, reaching to cross arms with Tobias as the dance continued. “There’s a village I’ve heard of that plants fields and fields of tulips. I’ve always wanted to go see them.”

“Then we’ll go,” said Tobias.

“And leave Jaron to his own devices?”

“He has Mott, Roden, and Imogen.”

“I don’t- I don’t know if I’d be able to look at flowers and eat chocolates knowing those three don’t have your voice of reason. Especially not after this most recent attack,” Amarinda took several steps back, a frown tugging at her lips. “I don’t think I can dance any longer, Tobias, there’s a lot of things on my mind.”

Tobias held out his elbow for her to take, “Then tell me what they are.”

They’d spent many a late night discussing Feall. Discussing Mireldis Thay. Saints, they’d even discussed Jolly, but that conversation quickly turned into a debate about a mandolin’s superiority to a lute.

He hadn’t had the chance to ask her how she felt about Renlyn’s confinement.

Amarinda soon took the lead, bypassing the trellis rooms and heading straight for the gardens outside.

Distant music from the taverns fought for control against the uniform notes coming from the castle. The garden remained largely untouched, they were magnificent on their own with their immaculate shrubs and bursting vines.

And it was much less crowded than the great hall.

“I’ve been considering asking Feall about his relation to Mireldis Thay. He’s claimed so often that she wants to kill him, but perhaps he wants to kill her/ first,” Amarinda said. “Renlyn and Feall have been nothing but civil to each other. He accompanies her to lower Drylliad and when she wants to walk at night. Why wouldn’t she kill him during one of those outings?”

“To preserve her name so she can return to normal life once her goal has been reached,” Tobias shrugged.

“That’s what I thought. But why? Why does she want him dead so badly? And Renlyn never outright confessed to being Mireldis Thay, she was dancing around the question, almost like she was telling us what we wanted to hear rather than what we all needed.”

“We’ll speak with Feall when he can string together a coherent sentence, I promise,” said Tobias.

“I’d feel much more comfortable leaving knowing we’ve done all that we can to help.”

How could he argue against that?

Tobias just didn’t want to admit that he was afraid that maybe there wouldn’t be a clear end to the Thay’s mess.

People disappeared all the time, they stole names, became new people. Tobias was ready to move on. He didn’t want to waste time searching for ghosts.

Especially after Renlyn’s humiliatingly calm reaction to being accused of treason.

He’d been so sure that Jolly’s hints were true. But perhaps Jolly’s claim to love Mireldis Thay more than he feared any king carried more weight than Tobias expected. Fear changed a person. It made them say things they’d never dare to think of just to feel safe again.

Jolly’s inability to tell Tobias where Mireldis was hiding technically fell under treason. He was aiding an assaulter of the king.

Would he really risk his neck for a woman he’d never been seen with?

Jolly of Angelmarr, a troubadour.

Tobias looked at Amarinda. A slight frown tugged at her lips, and her nose was crinkling as it always did when she was deep in thought. Intelligence burst from her dark eyes. She was forming a plan. A quiet plan; one that would bring her the best outcome at the lowest cost.

He knew he loved her more than he feared any king.

“We’ll fix what we can and then we’ll go to the tulip fields in Mendenwal,” Tobias slipped his arm around Amarinda’s waist, pulling her nearer to him. “And we’ll eat chocolate and say we’re going to be calm and not get involved in some whirlwind adventure and do the exact opposite.”

“Can we bring Jaron and Imogen? And Mott? And Roden?” Amarinda asked.

“If that’s what you want. We can turn it into a grand party, I’d do whatever you asked.”

“Even grew out a moustache?”

The thought of a line of hair covering his top lip made Tobias snort. “I’ll draw the line at a mustache.”

“Good,” Amarinda smiled. She reached up, and trailed her pointer finger along Tobias’s chin. “Mustaches are incredibly unflattering, and I’d make you shave it immediately anyways.”

He’d think about mustaches over dark deeds done by dark ghosts of the past any day.

The distraction was a welcome one.

#rheyre in love #tobias/amarinda #the ascendance series #the streets of drylliad #this #made me happy

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