#boy I was really trying to have this list consist only new stories

[mcgnagallsarmy]

Spuffy style Reading Challenge - #27: Monthly Key Word Reading Challenge #3

1st month - Secret, Heaven, True, House, Come, Only, Know, Winter:

A Wonderful Awful Idea by The Danish Bird [NC-17]

With nothing apocalyptic looming on the horizon and hoping to avoid a certain thick-headed commando, it seems like the perfect opportunity when Giles mentions a monster terrorising the good people of Lake Tahoe. What could be more merry than a Christmas trip to the mountains to investigate? The gang is all coming along, defanged vampire in tow. Buffy should totally be able to deal with the demon, ignore Spike and their recent “engagement,” enjoy some resort-town shopping, and be back with Mom on Christmas Eve. Right? What could possibly go wrong? Set in season 4 at the beginning of Doomed.

2nd month - Heir, Night, Bride, Down, Women, Hand, Teach, Guest:

Drive by Holly [NC-17]

Freshly turned and very grumpy about it, Buffy finds herself in a weird place. One where her friends smell like food, her former mortal enemy smells like heaven, and the so-called love of her life has made it clear that killing her is on his to-do list. Throw in some overly zealous army guys and this is not Buffy's idea of a party. So she and Spike decide to hit the road at least long enough to figure out why neither of them can hit anything else. And since they're both single and free, well, Buffy wouldn't say no to a distraction from the never-ending laugh riot that is her life. And Spike can be very, very distracting. Good thing soulless vampires can't fall in love or she might be in trouble.

3rd month - Story, Hunt, Plot, City, You, Cry, Another, Paint:

I Can Get Money by scratchmeout [NC-17]

Spike puts his past to good use to get money for Buffy. However, things become complicated when her ex shows up and targets Spike.

4th month - Darling, Funny, Familiar, Somewhere, List, Meet, Never, Word:

First Alternate by Soulburnt [NC-17]

After ‘Not Fade Away,’ Angel gets the Shanshu. A thrilled Buffy gets her curse-free soulmate. And Spike? He gets his heart shattered again. Gutted and seeing no point in staying in a world without his Slayer, Spike doesn’t hesitate when pursuing a deadly demon through a portal. He finds himself stuck in an alternate reality where he truly died closing the Hellmouth. He also finds another Buffy, one who is devastated that her Spike didn’t believe she loved him. They console each other over their losses… but are they only consolation prizes? Or can two heartbroken people get a second chance for love?

5th month - Library, Dark, Drown, Ex, Iron, Done, Love, Stranger:

If I'm Butter Than He's a Hot Knife by scratchmeout [NC-17]

Buffy meets a man at a bar on Valentine's Day.

6th month - Ink, Fragile, Road, Summer, Breath, Every, Push, Sorry:

Favor by EllieRose101 [NC-17]

Spike asks an impossible thing of Buffy––and is stunned when she says yes. Could he really have gone up in her estimation?

7th month - Mine, Again, Honey, Paradise, Still, Club, Train, Legend:

Eucharist by Holly [NC-17]

He had it all. The prophecy and the girl, merrily ever after and all that rot. But life doesn't stop.

8th month - School, Cut, Sky, Fate, Wing, Belong, Justice, Way:

The Time We Had by Dusty [NC-17]

She was there and then gone. All his life long.

9th month - Twice, World, Man, Quiet, Sweet, Hold, Shallow, Invisible:

Pardon My French by Girlytek [R]

In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to let Buffy perform a spell in French. Begins at No Place Like Home.

10th month - Vampire, Here, Mist, Death, One, Missing, Bite, Witch:

Sweet William by cawthraven [PG]

After the fall of Sunnydale, Buffy’s living in Boston and working as a waitress, grateful that here, not everyone knows her name. She’s free for once to be herself—and to grieve.

11th month - Spice, Life, Hello, Keep, Truly, Couple, Joy, Young:

Candy Corn Mischief by honeygirl51885 [NC-17]

Spike gets roped into taking Dawn trick-or-treating.

12th month - Snow, Season, Ice, Merry, White, Under, Mistletoe, Inn:

A Christmas Wish by all choseny [PG-13]

On one lonely Christmas Eve, Buffy makes a wish to a stranger and is given a glimpse of what might have been with Spike.

[ncteez]

✤ Losing It. (masterpost) ✤ // HIATUS

A series of having virginities given to you. Sometimes they throw said virginity at you with full force, other times, they lovingly hold your hand, bat their lashes, and say some of the dumbest shit you’ve ever heard a man say in regards to getting laid for the first time.  ✤ or the one where you go through a list of the seventeen members and learn how they'd lose their virginity to you.

COMPLETED CHAPTERS ― 1/13

SERIES STATUS: actively writing as of march of 2024!

NOTE― All chapters can be read stand alone and do not tie into the others. Each reader and storyline is different! 

SERIES WARNING―There are a variety of different scenarios here involving both very normal and loving sex, to some stories that may contain: sub/dom dynamics, religion kink, obsession, desperate behavior, and purchasing of sex work.

If any of these things make you uncomfortable, I urge you to scroll on and not put yourself in a position of discomfort. I did not write these fics to harm anyone. 

✤ this series is afab!reader. ✤ Warnings, tags, word counts, etc. can be found attached to each chapter. ✤ Disclaimer: some storylines and member order may be prone to change upon writing them. ✤ TAG LIST OPEN!! send me an ask off anon to be on the tag list for this series. you will be tagged for every chapter, not just the specific members you choose.

✤ Chapter One: Cherry Boy[l.c.]

A new relationship is always difficult to navigate, for Chan, it appears to be even more difficult. For you? You’re just left confused as to why your new boyfriend of a month and a half hasn’t made a move on you despite your very obvious attempts to invite him into your personal space. 

You soon realize that your boyfriend is a virgin, and that’s why he’s always running away with his hands covering his bits, even through a simple goodnight kiss. 

STATUS ― virginity loss: success WORD COUNT ― 10k

✤ Chapter Two: Thirst Trappers LIE. [k.sy.]

You find your very innocent best friend’s secret thirst trap account. To your surprise, the “I’m not ready yet” Soonyoung, who literally sleeps with at least seven different plushies, consistently swings his dick at onlookers online. Grey sweatpants, no boxers, thigh flexing, moaning and whimpering audios. 

Maybe he’s not so innocent after all. 

And just maybe you’re right about that, because what he meant by “I’m not ready to have sex yet” really just meant “please have practice sex with me because four thousand people are trying to pull up and i don’t want to be bad at it but i didn’t know how to ask you.” 

STATUS ― v card is actively blocking and reporting everyone who sends a dm EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Three: Scoring One. [s.c.]

The second best hockey player on campus has a secret. Not that he cheats on his exams, or that he had a crush on the lunch lady growing up, it’s that he’s shamefully a virgin, despite his jersey sporting the big bold numbers of a six and a nine.

Thankfully, Soonyoung found out about his dirty little secret and provides him with a number and a promise that the girl on the other line has a thing for desperate dudes. What he didn’t know? He was just about to pay not only the number one party girl on campus to take care of his little issue, but his own little sister’s best friend.

STATUS ― v card is currently tucked in his pocket behind a picture of his little sister. CONTEXT NOTE― this fic does not include an age gap of more than two years. EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Four: One unsolicited dick pic later. [l.sm.]

Never mind why he hasn’t managed to get laid, it’s not like he hasn’t laid in his room for years at night wondering the exact same thing. The current issue is the fact that his friends keep watching porn on the loudspeakers in the living room, he’s drunk, and he got the sudden confidence to send you a dick pic after not speaking to you since he wished you a happy birthday last year.

What he didn’t know though, is that you’ve had a crush on him since that time in third grade he punched Seungkwan for cheating off of his spelling test.

STATUS ― v card is currently sitting in your inbox unread alongside his raging hard-on. EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Five: LOST DOG: FOUND [k.m.]

Mingyu had the chance to lose his virginity right around the time all of his friends did but, well, there were some mishaps. Unfortunately, years later, he is still lying about the loss of it and pretends that he definitely has sex on the regular. He probably would too, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s grown incredibly insecure about his body and what it actually means to sleep with someone.  

Now though, the 26 year old man lives on the floor above you and is known as the pet-sitter of the building. Which is kind of great because it’s far too expensive to board your dog for weekend trips every month. You approach him for the first time with the offer of a hundred bucks to watch your dog, and of course he accepts. 

The issue upon returning home? He lost your 70 pound dog. Like, the whole thing, he lost it. 

STATUS ― v card being handed to you with the leash your dog was supposed to be on. EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Six: LOSER. [j.ww.]

After adding some anonymous dude you found on your city’s subreddit looking for gaming friends, you find yourself confused when he suddenly ghosts you after trying to hold a non-gaming conversation.

Through his friends, you learn that he got cold feet because he’s never been with a woman before, and you decide that you’re just gonna have to show him that a man and a woman can be friends without the assumption that either of you want to fuck each other.

Except, maybe you’re not the best example to prove that, because now you can’t stop flirting with him. Now, you’re growing fond of the way he gets all flustered and turned on at the slightest implication of meeting face to face.

STATUS ― v card is hidden deep within his steam library EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Seven: ISO: Anyone who wants me. [c.v.]

Vernon has never had a girlfriend and he wants one bad. Badder than bad. His group of friends get fed up with his consistent eye-rolls involving couples in public, them when they talk about their girlfriends or hook-ups, and ultimately decide to hold an auction at a campus-wide party.

He was feeling pretty ashamed about being announced as a virgin in need of some love, but the laughing didn’t bother him nearly as much when people actually start a bidding war. 

Apparently, these auctions happen once every few years  and it’s like, a whole thing or whatever. He just happened to be the lucky guy who suddenly has girls lining up for him with cash in hand. And you just happen to be the lucky girl to show him a good time.

STATUS ― v card is currently taped to his forehead EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Eight: To whom it may concern, My desk is sturdy. [l.jh]

The worst thing about spending the night at work to reach deadlines is the fact that the new intern likes to hang out with him. Or rather, distract him. It's insane, really, how he's always about doing things by the book. His whole life revolved around rules and regulations, until he met you. He wanted to wait until marriage, and marriage was not in his books anytime soon. So, with all the stress on his back and you sitting across from him trying to get him to live a little, he decides to live a little too much.

STATUS ― v card framed on his office desk EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Nine: How to be forgiven when you're (not) sorry. [h.j.]

Faith should be put into God, not the priest that consistently finds himself wanting to lead a pretty woman further from the union of God. He’s managed to hold off for most of his life from doing that, but all good things come to an end, he supposes. 

Marrying two sophisticated and loving members of the church was the easiest part of his night. The hardest part was pretending that their distant relative didn’t show up in inappropriate attire, with an even more inappropriate need to flirt with a celibate priest. For both him and his God, he finds himself praying more for his sanity than for the happy marriage of the two he just joined together. 

STATUS ― v card being used as a bookmark for his bible CONTEXT NOTE― this chapter contains inaccurate depictions of religious duties, sinning, blasphemy, questioning of god, and over all a blatant religion kink from yours truly. EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Ten: Paying it forward. [y.jh]

CAMPUS NEWS: RICH NEW STUDENT LOOKING FOR LEGS TO SPREAD.

Being born into a rich family is great and all, sure, when the family isn’t so strict that Jeonghan wasn’t even allowed to close his own bedroom door growing up. Dating was off the table for him too, junk food, trash tv, and even choosing his own career path wasn't something he got to experience in life...yet.

Thankfully, those strict reigns loosened when he got into a college far, far away from home. Now? Jeonghan is out for blood, and by blood, he means he is out to experience all those first-times he missed throughout his teen years. First up on the to-do list: get laid.

STATUS ― brought his v card but forgot his wallet EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Eleven: Friend Circles & Circle Jerks [b.sk.]

Seungkwan had his whole life planned out from the age of five. First, he would finish pre-school and get his diploma to become a doctor, mostly so he could buy a big mansion to live in with his family. Then, he would ask you, the neighbor kid next door, to marry him so that the two of you could stay up past seven in the evening. 

Well, it’s safe to say that the now twenty five year old Seungkwan did not become a doctor, nor did he ask you to marry him. To put it simply, you friend zoned him before he ever got the chance to tell you that he’s wanted to kiss you since he learned what kissing was. Still, he sticks around, picking up your little broken heart pieces from the ex that just dumped you. His hopes are high that, maybe, you’ll take notice of how he’s saved himself for you, and that maybe you’d really give him a chance. 

STATUS ― v card hidden behind his friendzone card EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Twelve: 48 Missed Calls. [w.jh.]

Junhui dated you for three weeks in highschool. However, It was a simple act of curiosity between the two of you and it ended fairly quickly due to, well, being teenagers. 

That’s how it was for you, at least. For Junhui? Maybe it was puberty, or maybe it’s just the puppy love he had for you but, he really couldn’t just let you go. He has brushed off any other person who offers interest towards him for years now because of you. You’re the only person he wants, and despite this obsession he has, you still manage to not notice it. 

Which is why he still holds the title of your best friend. A very, very, protective best friend. 

STATUS ― v card stuck in limbo just like his obsession with you CONTEXT NOTE― this chapter deals with instances of manipulation, obsession, and over all our boy here has some strange ass vibes (this chapter is not in any way dubcon or noncon). please be aware of this. EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤ Chapter Thirteen: Probably (not) a bad idea. [x.mh.]

When Minghao couldn't get a girlfriend throughout his younger years, his focus landed on none other than the world wide web. There, is where he decided how he intends to lose his virginity.  Several years and a very large porn addiction later, some lucky woman on one of the four different BSDM sites he signed up for will have the privilege of taking his virginity in more ways than one. He just knows he’s going to love every smothered, painful, wet, insulting second of it. 

STATUS ― v card is being used as a pickup line CONTEXT NOTE― this chapter has sub/dom dynamics in where minghao is an alt submissive man. there is ass-play in this. p.s.  it is not the greatest idea to lose your virginity to a stranger, especially if that stranger is found on a bdsm site. lower your moral standards for this one.  EST WORD COUNT ― 5k+

✤tag list: @aaniag @kissesfrmwonwoo @youronceupontequilas @kwanisms @sisterofsomeone @wonrangwoo @yawnkive @5xiang @mingyuonthemoon @listxn @sebongica @yawnkive @nishloves @sisterofsomeone @thepoopdokyeomtouched @ghostlycrystobalove @shiningnono @tomodachiii @porridgesblog @cheolctrl @notevenheretbh1 @jungkkoo @4cheezflatbred  @duchesskaren @flwrshwa @sexygrass @doljjongsmom @kpopcrazed @baalkoo @seonghwasprincess @pandoora-the-pink-goth @introdarling @ingloriousbasterdss @horanghaezone @starquokka @imprettyweird @kyeomray @skzoo-keeper this is for tracking purposes, if you are on this list, you will be tagged to all fics in this series unless you state clearly that you would not like to be tagged in fics that contain darker content.

[terapsina]

#2 for the book worm ask game!

(ask game)

2. Favorite fantasy book(s).

(Eeeeexcellent, I do love fantasy books. Though how I'm gonna narrow it to only a few I've got no idea. Okay. I'm going to remove the very obvious choices like Lord of the Rings (though it is one of my faves)).

---

Monstrous Regiment. I love the entire Discworld series (especially The Witches) but I've also got a huge soft spot in my heart for Terry Pratchett's take on 'a girl dresses like a boy to go to war' (and thinks of everything except some spare socks in- erm... the right place). Along with Polly, the squad consists of a vampire, a troll, an Igor, a religious fanatic and two very, very close "friends" (and yes, the official summary put the friends in quotes too). And everyone has their own secret.

I love basically everything about this book and I can't tell you guys any of it because it would spoil all the fun.

The Goblin Emperor. This one's a story filled with light. Maia the half goblin son of the elven Emperor was never supposed to take the throne (or to ever even be at court. because racism). And then everyone ahead of him dies in a single "accident" and suddenly he's the new Emperor. Maia is a good person, and a kind one, and despite everything that gets thrown at him he keeps hold of that understanding of right and wrong and refuses to bend.

(I have to mention that the language of the writing is kinda hard to get into in the beginning, and the characters's have very complicated and long names, but once you get into it it really did enhance the story for me).

Good Omens. An Angel and a Demon try to stop the apocalypse and instead lose the Antichrist. I've loved that book for like a decade now and if I don't put it on a list of my faves that list would be a lie.

The King of Attolia. Third in The Queen's Thief series and my favorite one out of all of them. I've always enjoyed Outsider POV in fics. And here is a book that just... proves why. We've got Eugenides and Irene, the Thief and the Queen, and we know them from the two previous books. And adore them. But the story isn't from their POV, it's from the POV of Costis, a Queen's guard who's suddenly gotten assigned to the King. The useless, weak, undeserving king that as far as Costis is concerned doesn't deserve to even kiss the Queen's boots. And it's hilarious to read the story from the eyes of someone who knows so much less than us. And so satisfying, as he begins to understand.

(I recommend the whole series and am personally glad to have read them in the published order but Megan Whalen Turner has stated that she wrote them in a way that allows you to jump in at any point you want).

The Raven Tower. The story is from the viewpoint of a sentient, omniscient rock whose name is Strength and Patience of the Hill and it is the GREATEST THING EVER. The gods are real and must be very careful with their words, because if they speak a lie the reality will alter to make that lie the truth but if the lie is bigger than the power of the god... well. Inspired by Hamlet.

(the book also has a trans man as the main character; the other main character? The sentient rock is the narrator but the largest part of the story focuses on Eolo).

A Natural History of Dragons. The first book from The Memoirs of Lady Trent (and honestly it would probably be more honest to say that every single book from this series fits the category of fave but I'm putting up the first here because this isn't a series where you should skip ahead). The book focuses on the life of Isabella as narrated by her older self. This is the story how a Scirland lady bucked all tradition and became a world renowned expert on the Natural History of Dragons.

(this series has a piece of my heart and always will).

---

(and finally, here's some more of my favorite fantasy books that I also adore and would totally ramble about but I got tired of typing).

[carakook]

Bloom. °˖✧✿✧˖°

“Although his tone isn’t accusing, you know what he’s really asking: ‘who the fuck is that?’”

→ Chapters list ←

⚘5. The Change in Seasons

🔞For Mature Audiences Only🔞

╔══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╗

⚘Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x fem!reader

⚘Synopsis: Six months later, Y/N is trying to cope and move on from ending things with Jungkook, and she feels she has come a long way… or maybe she’s just in denial.

⚘Genre:Forbidden love

⚘Word count: 10k+

⚘Warnings: 18+ for mature audiences only, MDNI, emotional, mentions of mild sleeping pill abuse (no overdosing, more so using sleeping pills when you’re sleeping just fine.), heavy grief, mentions of infidelity, mentions of awful coping mechanism, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex, descriptions of nightmares, mentions of anxiety, mentions of mental health, metaphors involving religion (this story has no religious aspects just metaphors lol), let me know if I miss anything!

⚘Disclaimer: This story in no way reflects the characters of those who are mentioned. It is pure fiction and for entertainment purposes only. Please don’t take it seriously. Nothing is real in this story.

⚘A/N: Bad news: chapter 5 ended up being 21k words long after I rewrote it and I could not fit it into one post. Good news: you get chapter 6 early for this reason! I’m sorry it has taken so long to get this out, and please forgive me for any grammar mistakes, but I really wanted both of these to go out asap and around the same time. Chaper 6 is being released sometime today, it’s finished, just needs to be formatted (I need to take a break for a bit lol.) Chapter 5 now consists of basically describing how coping with the aftermath of shit went for Y/N after everything was said and done, and how her life is going now. Chapter 6 is where it gets juicy, and you will see how Jungkook attempted to cope. I really hope you enjoy this, and I appreciate how lovely you’ve all been while waiting. Also forgive me for the lack of songs listed in each chapter… again I’m sort of just wanting to get these both out asap! Love you! 💜

╚══ ❀•°❀°•❀ ══╝

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ :

♪Hate You - Jungkook

♪Space Song - Beach House

♪Jealous - Eyedress

♪Go With the Flow - Queens of the Stone Age

✧━。゜✿ฺ✿ฺ゜。━✧

Six months later.

"Y/N, I really do love you." "Suuure you do." "No, baby, I do, I always have. Wish you would stop questioning me like that." You shake your head at him, running your fingers through his hair as you do so. You know that he loves you, you stopped fighting it a while ago... but you still like to fuck with him. You like how he always is so damn persistent in letting you know that he fucking adores you. You cup his face as he remains hovered over you, both of you sweaty and smelling strongly of sex. You made love again, and it was just as beautiful as the first time. "I know, Koo, I know." You place the softest kiss on his lips, which causes his eyes to crinkle up adorably, his nose scrunching along with it. God, you really do love this man. Your flower. Your Bearded Iris. Your literal soulmate. Suddenly, you have cotton mouth, so you reach over to grab the bottle of water resting on the nightstand as he affectionately nuzzles into your bare breasts, the sheets pooling over the both of you like a satin dream. The dim lighting in your bedroom makes him glow, your golden boy. You could stare at him forever. Things are just so... peaceful. No anxious noises of the city, dark out, quiet inside other than the sounds of both of you breathing and speaking softly to each other. This is heaven, you think. Nothing gets better than this. Pure euphoria and bliss, except the bliss is no longer accompanied by guilt and the ugly green weeds made up of jealousy.

Comfortable and arm hues of red and orange fill the room thanks to the city lights filtering in and your arm bedroom lighting, much like the changing season outside. Autumn always was your favorite season, until you developed a taste for vibrant spring flowers. As you take a greedy sip of the water, you notice the potted plant on your nightstand... you don't know how you didn't notice it before. You lean up, causing him to whine and maneuver himself down, kissing your tummy sweetly. A bearded Iris, purple and white at full bloom resides in the plain white ceramic pot. You furrow your brows, reach over to touch the leafs of the flower. You can't recall how the hell it got here. "Woah... this is gorgeous, did you get it?" You question Jungkook as he continues peppering your body with kisses. "Mhm." That's it? Just 'mhm'? When did he get this? Why don't you remember it? One of your fingers grazes one of the bigger petals as the cogs in your brain start working way too hard. For some reason, the fact that you don't recall this beautiful flower really bothers you. "When? You didn't even say anything about it." He grunts at you, reaches up, grasps your wrist, and yanks it away from the flower. You flinch, because... What the fuck? "Don't touch it. Don't even look at it, Y/N. It isn't yours." His kisses turn into bites and he goes lower, once he reaches your pelvis he doesn't even warn you before he starts suckling on your clit. Something doesn't feel quite right. You put a hand in his hair, your confusion and anxiety is written all over your face. You yank his head up, and he glares at you, as if he isn't the one who just snapped at you over a damn flower. "Jungkook, what the fuck? What do you mean it isn't mine? What's your problem?" His eyes are blank as he stares at you, and his gaze slowly moves over to the flower. He clicks his tongue but stays in position as he speaks. "Look what you fucking did, I told you not to touch it." he nearly growls as he nods towards the flower. Zap. You look back at the flower, pulling the sheets up to your chest because you suddenly feel too vulnerable, out of place. Your blood runs cold when you see it. The petals start turning brown and dry, falling off of the stem of the flower. Wilting right in front of your eyes, quickly, as if your touch was fucking poison. It was so vibrant and pretty moments ago, and now it looks morbid. Zap. "Why the hell is it doing that?" "I told you not to touch, it isn't yours." Your gaze finds him again, you fight the urge to try and pick up the pieces of the pretty flower and try to siphon your light into it, to try and save it. None of what's happening makes sense. The lights in your apartment change from warm red and orange hues to dark and icy, blue and black like winter, and when your eyes find Jungkook and really look at him, you nearly gag.

Petals adorn his face, but he's cold. His honey skin is turning pale, and the petals are turning brown just like the Bearded Iris next to you. His face is still blank, not a single emotion behind his eyes. It looks like he's fucking dying, every time a petal falls off of his skin he gets paler and paler. What the fuck is happening? Zap, zap, zap. "Jungkook- I- what-" "If I loved you, wouldn't I still be here? I would've left her. I wouldn't have left you. You shouldn't have touched that flower, Y/N, it wasn't yours. Now look what you've done to me." You blink back tears because you don't understand what he means. You don't understand why he's being so cold suddenly... he doesn't look like him. He looks like a clone, maybe a shell, maybe even a fucking demon. You have no fucking idea what he's talking about. You reach up to swipe at your eyes, try to will the tears away because they are blurring your vision and making things too murky. When you do get clarity again, he's... gone. In between your legs, all that resides are brown leafs and petals, as if he was never here. You start frantically calling for him, grabbing at the sheets as if you may find him hiding underneath. Full on sobbing now, because he isn't here, and he just withered away right in front of you after saying such cruel things.

Zap, zap, zap, zap, zap.

You flinch awake, automatically start feeling around your empty sheets, trying to pick up those withered petals of the man you once loved so much… only to realize it was a dream. Another fucking nightmare.

Your very own personal hell created after you lost your flower.

To this day you get the zaps that you did the first day without him. And to this day it shakes you to your damn core.

After he left that last time, it was a mix of melancholy, relief, and a new kind of guilt. Relief because you no longer felt the guilt, it had been as if a weight was completely lifted off of your shoulders, rocks were taken away from your garden that sat on the soil and made your roots much too constricted to grow any more. But with the relief came a completely different kind of guilt.

Guilt that you felt relief at all, because if you love someone, why would you feel any relief at them being gone? You watched your flower be taken away by gardeners who didn’t know how to nourish him. That’s how it felt, anyway, when in reality he walked out on his own, respecting your wishes to end this. So feeling relief made you feel like scum at the same time. You loved this man and he loved you, he loved you so goddamn much. But he was weighing you down, and both of you became well aware that you would never flourish fully with the weight of him being married on your chest.

What you were doing was wrong. Ending it was right… right?

You grieved him heavily. It felt as if he died. As if even if you wanted to, you couldn’t reach out to him anymore. You couldn’t stare at his pretty petals colored in shades of you and him, you couldn’t touch them and water them and feed them. You couldn’t talk to him and hope your words fed him like food and encouragement to grow like you always did.

Although technically, you could. If you truly wanted to, you could have texted him or called him. Every night for the first two weeks, you would stay up and type long paragraphs to him declaring how much you regret ending it, how much you miss him, and how much you love him. Because you didn’t block his number at first. You couldn’t do it, it felt wrong. It felt like if you did that, you were severing the final tie that you would have to him. You didn’t have him on social media, so texting was really your only way of contact. Blocking him felt like it would be what really made this all real.

You felt like if you blocked him, surely he would keel over and die of a broken heart once he realized and finally tried to reach out again, because you knew damn well this man would reach out again at some point.

Which is ironic, because on the fourth week, an exact month later, he did reach out. You suspect maybe it was on accident, because he sent a long ass paragraph confessing how much he regretted it, how much he loves you, how much he misses you, and how much he hates his wife… but following the paragraph, he promptly apologized. Said it was an accident.

Before he deemed it as an ‘accident’, you were ready. You started typing back an acceptance, asking to see him again, borderline begging to see him again. But him admitting he didn’t mean to actually send it made you pause.

Made you realize how dangerous this man really was.

This was the night that you blocked his number.

And holy fuck, that made grieving ten times worse. Because now there was no string tethering you together. The very last root that kept you both twined together was ripped apart. He was like a ghost now, just a memory. Nothing in your life tied you to him other than the mementos he left behind.

The mementos which you obsessively held onto each day. You looked at the pictures he left every single day several times a day, you would literally just stare and cry. The chain he left remained on your neck like a god damn collar, you refused to take it off as if it was branded into your skin. You showered with it on, slept with it on, never took it off. The clothing he left you wore frequently, and you refused to wash them. But overtime, his scent faded. It faded into your own scent which made you question your sanity, because the less you smelt him on his jacket, hoodie, and shirt, the more you questioned was he ever even real?

Or was this all some fucked up delusion you made up out of loneliness and desperation to feel loved by someone? To love someone?

The dreams made it worse. Every single goddamn night you had dreams about him. It started out as good dreams, the kind of dreams that were reliving memories or making fantasies of forever come alive. Both of your flowers were immortal and at full bloom in these dreams, and it was the only moments of happiness you had. The only thing you could do to feel better was sleep, and so you did.

You slept as much as you could. On your days off of work, you would take sleeping pills that you didn’t need, and you would sleep 14 hours at a time, just to have these dreams and feel close to him again. Dreams of making love over and over, gardening together, cooking together, living together, getting married, having little babies that looked just like him, a complete fantasy world that you made in these dreams that provided solace.

But when you woke up, it was like the grieving process never progressed. It never got better. It only got worse. And in the back of your mind you knew how unhealthy it was to be sleeping so long, you knew that you were technically abusing sleeping medication, you knew that you were putting your job at risk by waking up late every single damn day and being late to work too, and you knew that your mental health was degrading.

You were fucking torturing yourself but you didn’t know how to stop.

After you blocked him though, it’s like the dreams morphed. They changed completely, turned morbid and disturbing. You have no idea why, maybe because in some way, you still were holding onto those rose colored glasses and refused to acknowledge the bad parts of the relationship you had with him. But severing that last point of contact seemed to have bring light onto the guilt you felt while you were with him, the jealousy, the misplaced possessiveness that he never even knew about.

Much like the dream you had tonight, the dreams were weird and distorted. They always started out sickly sweet but ended on a bitter note. Ended with him disintegrating into a pile of petals after proclaiming he was never yours and never would be.

This is when you stopped sleeping all together. Instead of taking sleeping pills that you really didn’t need and sleeping for way too long, you quit those pills cold turkey and started to develop insomnia. Quitting sleeping pills after taking them for an entire month should have been done slowly, because your body becomes dependent on them. If you quit them cold turkey, it prevents your body from producing the chemicals it needs to sleep, often leading to temporary or even a permanent case of insomnia. So you just started staying up. It was so easy, too. So easy to be tired rather than have those fucking nightmares.

If you did sleep, it was 2-3 hours at a time because your body couldn’t take being awake any longer. But you never allowed yourself to sleep for long, you simply couldn’t sleep peacefully. The moment the nightmares would begin, you would force yourself to wake up. You’d wake up in a cold sweat, and then you’d cry for fucking hours. You’d feel guilty and jealous over shit you should’ve gotten over by now.

Sometimes, on really bad days, his wife would appear in these dreams too. And it fucked you up. A faceless woman would catch you in bed with Jungkook, and she would scream and cry and yell, blame you for ruining her marriage and her future, and then Jungkook would become faceless too. As if you never really knew him.

Things became bad, to say the least. Three months into grieving, heartbreak, fucking hell on earth, you were very unwell. And it became noticeable to those around you.

Which was arguably the worst part, because no one knew what was wrong or what was going on. Obviously you never told anyone about Jungkook, why the fuck would you? Sleeping with a married man and falling in love with him isn’t something to brag about. As much as he was your most treasured memory, he was also your most dirty secret. You doubted if you did tell anyone, they would feel any sympathy for you. Especially considering you continued to sleep with him after finding out he was married. You did this to yourself, really. No one feels sympathy for a fucking home wrecker.

That’s what you felt you were. A home wrecker, a mistress, the other woman. This wasn’t some case of you being fucked over by some sleazy guy who hid his marriage from you, you were both at fault, you both did wrong, and you felt like you deserved to suffer in silence. So you did.

You didn’t go out with your little group of friends anymore, you constantly made excuses and told those around you that you were fine, just a little depressed. You hid it well… until you didn’t. It became fucking impossible to hide when you felt like you were dying on the inside.

You work at a little art studio/store downtown, it isn’t much but it pays the bills and you’re happy doing it. You were, anyway. You were designated to instruct the themed classes that are hosted every night. You aren’t a professional by any means, you just love to paint, you love art, and you used to love seeing the lovers and families come in to have fun and learn how to paint silly little pictures with you.

But during the grieving process, you became noticeably bad at your job. You would show up late to the morning classes, you weren’t selling as much art supplies as you used to, and the night classes are what really started fucking you up. The night classes were normally full of couples who were on dates… dates you never got to indulge in with he-who-shall-not-be-fucking-named.

You would become bitter during these classes. Previously you were peppy, a bit funny, and very encouraging to those who wanted to learn. But you became dull. Of course you didn’t take out your feelings on these innocent customers, but the classes just weren’t as fun for the people paying for them.

Your coworkers noticed heavily. Your boss isn’t a bad guy, but he knew something was very off with you. The girls you worked with also noticed, more specifically Sohee who had continuously asked you if you were ok and tried to get you to confess what the fuck was causing you to become a lifeless zombie who had nothing but guilt and bitterness behind her eyes.

Your performance and constant attendance issues should have gotten you fired, really. You were almost betting that your boss would fire you at some point. But he didn’t, instead he awkwardly begged Sohee to get to the bottom of what was going on because even if you were sort of shit at your job at the moment, he was mostly worried. Everyone was worried, and you never even realized it.

Never realized how fucking obvious it was that this was heartbreak caused by love.

Of course you didn’t tell Sohee outright. You refused to. You were going to take this shit to your grave, you swore it. God and satan and Jeon Jungkook would be the only ones who knew that this shit ever happened.

Until she took you out for drinks, and you got shit faced drunk and spilled your dirty soil all over the place for her to see.

All it took was three bottles of soju and seeing a couple making out in the booth across from you to make you confess it all. Sohee listened, and you were sure she was going to chastise you and call you a dirty home wrecking whore after you were done.

But she never did. She only listened and consoled you.

She didn’t make you feel guilty and she didn’t undermine your feelings. She rubbed your back and wiped your tears like the Angel she is, and she told you it was ok. She told you that sometimes mistakes are the best things that can happen to us, even if they’re supposed to be mistakes. She held your hand and coaxed you out of the dirt, wanted you to see that your feelings were valid and you didn’t have to feel guilty for them.

On the other hand, she was also brutally honest. She asked curious questions, and when she found out you had been ‘grieving’ for nearly three months now, she scolded you. Not because what you did was wrong, but because you weren’t taking care of yourself. You were fucking torturing yourself and it wasn’t ok.

Everyone grieves after breaking up. That’s normal. Although this technically wasn’t a breakup, it somehow felt much worse because of that very fucking reason. It wasn’t a breakup, but felt like one.

What isn’t normal is never making progress in grieving. Instead of getting better and moving on, you stayed stagnant. Everything around you was changing, spring turning into summer and then turning into autumn, leaf’s changing from vibrant to warm and muted, people and places moving on about their days all while you stayed stuck in the same exact spot in your own head. A self made prison.

She explained how it wasn’t normal, how you probably needed to get help. How it’s ok to feel this way, but it isn’t ok to neglect and torture yourself. You needed help, and you knew it, you weren’t coping properly. But you were also stubborn.

Because despite being fucking sick with grief for Jungkook, you were also worried. You swore in your head that he wasn’t ok. Fuck, what if he’s actually dead? What if he’s being dumb? Is he even taking care of himself? How badly is her hurting? What if he’s lonely?

The main reason you couldn’t move on is because, again, guilt. It fucking plagued you still, but it was different. You convinced yourself that he was just as unwell as you, he fucking must be. Which made you feel as if you weren’t allowed to move on and try to be happy, or even ok. You tortured yourself for both selfless and selfish reasons. You didn’t know how to stop.

That same night, you stayed at Sohee’s place. She was determined to knock some damn sense into you. You weren’t super close prior to this, but she genuinely could not stand seeing you so dead inside. She felt awful for you, and she was a good friend. Sometimes good friends have to be a bit harsh to get through.

So as you were on her couch sulking, watching TV, she asked questions about Jungkook. You didn’t think anything of it. You rambled on and on about Jungkook, assuming she was just letting you get it all out. You didn’t think anything of it when she asked for his full name and birthday, or when she asked you to describe what he looked like, or when she asked what his occupation was.

But boy, the moment she shoved her phone in your face while you were rambling on and on about how he reminded you of a flower, you suddenly regretted telling her anything.

“You need to get your shit together, because he’s doing just fine.” She told you, and at first you refused to look. Because you didn’t want to know what was on her phone screen.

What would be the damning evidence that you’d been torturing yourself while he was actually moving on, rather than suffering with you.

But she was just as stubborn as you were, and she made you look. You did. And you swear a part of you healed and broke all at once.

You have no idea how the fuck this crazy bitch did it, but she found his wife’s Instagram. Finding his account is one thing, but hers? The faceless woman who was haunting your nightmares and accusing you of ruining her life? The faceless woman who now has a face and a name and an entire fucking life for you to see?

A life with your flower, your lover, your ultimate fucking demise. All right in front of you.

You were silent as you scrolled. So many curiosities that you held in the past were now answered. Such as how she looked… and she was gorgeous. She had wavy honey blond hair which was clearly dyed but looked so perfect on her, most of her pictures she had blue contacts in that hid her pretty brown eyes but still somehow made her look ethereal, she was fit with the perfect body, her makeup was natural but flawless… she was flawless in every way.

You gathered that she is a journalist that specializes in fashion. She’s often traveling just as Jungkook used to claim when he was with you. She goes to fancy fashion shows and takes pictures and writes articles. So professional and put together in every way.

Nothing like you. And at first, you caught yourself comparing yourself to her harshly. Wondering what she had that you didn’t…

Until you scrolled to her most recent posts.

And your lover stared at you through the screen mockingly.

First you saw a picture of them kissing. Jungkook was smiling onto her lips. The caption reads ‘He flew us to LA just so I could see Coachella’. This was posted two months ago.

Two months ago… not long after you ended things.

Two months ago when you were crying so hard that you couldn’t breathe or see, calling out for him to come back to you… while he was at fucking Coachella with his wife.

Was he ever even grieving? Did he ever even care?

You silently scrolled on, and one more post is all you fucking needed.

Posted today, another picture of them kissing, on a yacht at night. ‘Throwback to our honeymoon, can’t believe it was 3 years ago, he’s taking me to Japan for our anniversary to recreate it!’

He went on a fucking vacation while you were on your coworkers couch babbling about how much you love and miss him and how he’s prettier than a flower.

How fucking shitty does that feel?

The emotions happened quickly. You felt resentment, jealousy, anger, maybe even hatred towards them both. You had been suffering for months while he was at Coachella after you fucking blocked him. You had been worried this entire time when he had been doing just fine all along.

It felt like he did you wrong in a way… but those feelings went away just as quickly as they came.

Because this is what you wanted. As much as it fucking stings, you literally told him ‘love your wife more’. You meant it. Not just for his wife’s sake, but for his. He didn’t want to leave her, so he should at least try to love her again. Fuck, all you wanted was for him to be happy.

No matter how jealous or bitter you felt at actually seeing him happy, it brought you a sense of peace knowing that maybe he wasn’t suffering like you assumed. Maybe he was happy. Maybe he was ok. Maybe his wife did love him and was nurturing him back to health without even knowing it.

It didn’t make it hurt any less, but it really did give you a bit of clarity.

Of course you cried about it. Fuck, you cried and cried and cried, enough to water an entire bush of flowers at that point. The only difference was this time, you weren’t alone. Sohee was with you, consoling you through it, letting you vent your feelings and frustrations. Letting you grieve.

But this time, you want to grieve proper. If he’s happy, you deserve to be happy too…

You are so thankful for Sohee because without her, you’re sure you may have withered away completely.

Shortly after this new sense of clarity, Sohee started helping you slowly pick up pieces of yourself. Petals and leafs and vines and roots, all scattered amongst the dirt, all slowly started gathering together.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to put these pieces back together. You can’t nurture a flower back to health once it’s died, after all… but you can start fresh.

You and Sohee became good friends, she helped you find healthier coping mechanisms, let you cry when you need to, let you vent when you can’t keep it in anymore, and most importantly she let you share the good memories you had with Jungkook. She never made you feel guilty, she just listened. And you are so fucking thankful for that.

And as time went on, you did get better slowly. After seeing what you saw, it was much easier to feel ok with trying to be happy. The guilt was mostly gone at this point, and all you wanted was to focus on yourself. Your sleep slowly got better, the nightmares slowly went away, and although you aren’t the same, you aren’t as dull either.

You start painting again, painting has always been one of your favorite things. You used to paint all the time, mostly portraits of those you loved… portraits of him after you first met became your favorite thing to paint. All of those are tucked away in a closet now though, along with the many pictures you have of him, because you don’t need any reminders of him of you can help it. Which is kind of a contradiction considering your favorite thing to paint now is flowers… but we don’t have to talk about that.

It takes time to heal and grieve after you cut the chord with someone who you swore you’d live and die with. It takes extra time when you never really started to move on to begin with. But you do start healing. Maybe you aren’t as social as you once were, maybe you’re lonelier now, maybe you’re starting to realize you still don’t know yourself quite as much as you thought you did.

But you’re making progress… slowly. No longer a flower that’s at full bloom, but also no longer a flower that’s wilting. Just a seed, your own seed that you water and care for rather than relying on someone else to do it for you.

And although you are now the one taking care of your own flower, Sohee is helping. Rather than relying on someone to water and feed your plant, you’re doing it together. You water, she feeds. Vice versa. Teamwork. Progress. You aren’t codependent, you’re just accepting help from a friend that you swear is an Angel sent from above. You are so thankful for her.

She pushes you, too. After she sees you started to paint and do ok at work again, she pushed some more. She constantly tried to get you to go out, meet new people, meet new guys specifically. Something that made you feel sick to think about, but also you slowly started missing having someone to love on. Someone to share affection and laughter with that wasn’t just a friend. You knew she was right, even if you didn’t actually date someone, it would be great progress if you actually put yourself out there and were open to the idea of letting someone in romantically, even just a little bit.

Someone who’s actually available for more than secret trysts.

Which is why you let Sohee set you up on a date. You’ve grown to trust Sohee heavily, maybe a bit too much. But fuck, no one can blame you for that when she is the one who dug up your dirty secrets and instead of judging you, helped you through it. She comforted you when you didn’t know how to comfort yourself. So you trust her judgment heavily, and if she thinks you should try to date, you think she’s right.

And Sohee has great taste in men, you’ve seen it first hand. She’s shared various stories with you about her hookups and exes, and the girl has similar taste as you, maybe just a bit more adventurous. A blind date with a man of Sohee’s choice doesn’t sound so bad.

You really didn’t expect the date to turn into anything, or even be enjoyable. You mostly did it because it was a step in the right direction of fully moving on. You were planning on trying to put yourself out there, sure, but you never planned to actually like the guy.

You didn’t expect Sohee to set you up with a man who looked like he could be a fucking model. You didn’t expect him to be your exact type. And you didn’t expect him to be so goddamn sweet and put together.

The moment you saw this man you knew you were in trouble. The moment he opened his mouth, you also knew you were in trouble. You were fucking terrified at the prospect of actually liking someone other than Jungkook. Even just being attracted to someone else felt wrong…

Shit, most days looking at your dildo felt wrong. You couldn’t even fucking use it.

So you were a bit of a nervous wreck when this man picked you up to wine and dine you. You weren’t nervous before you saw his face or heard his voice. But you were once you came face to face with him, it was as if he had a sign on his head that said ‘MOVE ON Y/N’, bright and neon, mocking you the entire night.

But as the night went on, you found this man wasn’t quite as intimidating as he seemed. He asked questions, wanted to get to know you, seemed genuinely interested in you as a person. He was nice to look at. Was pretty to listen to. He didn’t act bored either when you didn’t ask him questions, in fact, he answered the silent questions in your head without you even asking.

He could tell you were nervous, and although he didn’t know the true reason behind it, he thought it was adorable. Thought to himself, thank fuck for Sohee and her pretty friends. Because he was genuinely enamored with you.

He didn’t see the wilted flower that Jungkook did, or the dead flower mocking you every time you looked into the mirror. He saw a pretty little wildflower that he wanted to pick and take home with him.

You learned quite a bit about him that night despite never really asking. He worked in marketing for a fashion design company, fairly close to where you work, a 9-5 that gave him weekends off and paid vacation, full benefits too. He had a dog named Simba who he loved like a child. He didn’t have many hobbies but he did enjoy bar hopping and hanging out with his group of friends who he talked fondly of. He takes good care of himself, cares about his appearance and fashion choices, takes pride in being handsome, even has a fucking skincare routine that he talked about for nearly five minutes… but he’s still humble somehow. Doesn’t seem narcissistic or conceited, just sure of himself. Confident. He knows his worth, but also knows his place.

You really liked that, considering you haven’t been quite so confident lately.

He has a friend who he called Tae that he speaks highly of, you can tell he loves his friends dearly. He described him as a big teddy-bear-man-child, which makes him seem very loveable. Apparently they don’t exactly share the same friend group but they come together often.

His relationship history… he was kind of vague. He said he has had a few serious relationships, but they never last because the woman loses interest in him, and he hasn’t actually dated in nearly two years, but has had casual flings…

This could be seen as a red flag. Or… maybe he was hurt, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. You know damn well how that feels, in fact, he asked you about your dating history, and you were incredibly vague.

What were you supposed to say? ‘Ah, well, every relationship I have had so far failed, but I was with one guy who I loved more than anything in the world, but it didn’t work out because he was married. Oops!’

Yeah, no, fuck that. It was hard enough being honest with Sohee, she had to get you drunk for you to even confess. There’s was no damn way you were going to tell him.

You didn’t lie. You just said you were in a bit of a situationship with someone you grew feelings for, and when it ended it hurt very badly. Vague, but true. He doesn’t need to know details.

He never even asked for details, which surprised you. In fact, he said “It’s ok, we don’t have to rush into anything, I get it. But try to be open with me, yeah? I really like you so far.”

Too good to be true. Or maybe, just maybe, Sohee sent you an Angel in disguise, one she met while she became an Angel herself. Maybe he really is a good guy, and you got lucky for once. Maybe your karma for the things you did with Jungkook was your suffering in the beginning of grieving, and now you have a chance to redeem yourself.

You were tempted to cast him out after this night together. Because you were afraid. What was the catch? What was he hiding? Is he a serial killer? Is he even real? Are you making up these men in your head or something?

You had a decision to make: you could make the decision to take more time for yourself, count this as you putting yourself out there… or you could give him a chance. See where it goes.

You chose the latter.

You explained to him as he walked you to your door that you weren’t ready for something serious, but you enjoyed spending time with him too. And he was ok with that. He said he’d like to take you out again anyway, and you agreed.

An easy routine began after this. The dates following the first one were tame and relaxed but always so nice. It was sort of healing in a way, honestly. He was so kind and always went at your pace, let you control everything. He’d be the one taking you out, but you got to set the pace. He never tried to kiss or touch either, never pressured you to move things faster. Eventually you started spending every weekend together, and often weekdays too. He’d bring you lunch or dinner at work and eat with you, he’d visit your apartment, sometimes you’d even go to his. You started spending the night together, he left his toothbrush at your apartment and you left yours at his.

This all happened within the span of the last few months, so maybe it was a bit fast, but you just did things as they felt right.

And yes, eventually you kissed. Eventually you touched. Eventually you fucked. And you were surprised that you didn’t feel guilty after. You felt… fine. The sex wasn’t out of this world, it was fairly vanilla, but you actually managed to finish and feel good about it afterward.

You think a lot of that had to do with the fact that you were touch starved, hadn’t been with anyone since that last night with Jungkook. Ironically, also like an addict quitting cold turkey. You went from getting touched and fuck at least three times a week, to nothing at all. Could barely even touch yourself properly. But also… he was good in bed. He was fine. It wasn’t too much or too little and he paid close attention to the way your body reacted, he didn’t just act like a wild animal chasing release like most men do.

The day you slept with him was the day you stopped thinking about Jungkook so much. It was like as time went on and you broke these little boundaries for yourself, little petals you held onto flew away with the wind. The petals weighed barely anything, but felt like they weighed the same as bricks.

Did you forget about him? Fuck no. You never could. You still think of him daily. You wonder how he’s doing, if he’s ok, if he’s happy… if he thinks of you too. But it isn’t compulsive like it once was, he doesn’t consume you. He’s just a memory you go back to.

Or maybe you’re in denial.

Because even then… you still wear his chain, you still sleep in his shirt, you still wear his hoodie around the house, and as the months grow colder, your jacket remains the cozy Calvin Klein denim that he gifted you.

You still look at the pictures, maybe not every night, but often. Relive the memories. Wonder if he does the same.

You still stalk his wife’s Instagram. Not obsessively, but every now and then you’ll check to see if she has posted more pictures of them. And most times, she hasn’t. But there are a few new ones… pictures of him smiling that scrunched up smile you’ve always loved, pictures of them together, and pictures of her alone. A reminder to yourself that you have no place in his life… that’s the reason for doing it you chalk it up to, anyway.

And every damn time Seojoon brings you a bouquet of flowers, which is weekly, you can’t fucking help but think of your Jeon Jungkook.

So… maybe you are in denial. But also, you’re coping, you’re moving on. You haven’t fully let him go yet, you’re not sure if you can, but you have been doing fine. You’ve been closer to happy than you have been ever since that last night with him.

He isn’t consuming your thoughts and feelings like he was in the beginning, but he is still very much there in your heart. Despite his petals floating away, some of his roots remain underneath the soil. He’s there… but not.

Which is why tonight’s dream has you so fucking shaken up.

You haven’t dreamed of him in months now. Ever since you started coping more healthily, the dreams faded along with the hurt and resentment. No nightmares. No dreams. Nothing. Just peaceful sleep.

You lay there panting, trying to calm your heart rate down by thinking of things that aren’t him. You look at the clock and realize it’s only 8pm, you barely even remember falling asleep so early. Seojoon agreed to come over after work tonight, but had to stay late at the office to finish some project or something. You must’ve dozed off waiting for him.

You don’t want to start the cycle again, but fuck, you sure as hell won’t be going to sleep again either. Not until Seojoon gets here, anyway.

Things with Seojoon remain smooth, uncomplicated. You’ve been seeing each other for a good three months now, and although there is no title to what you are, you’re basically dating at this point. You wouldn’t call him your boyfriend necessarily, but also you’re exclusive to him.

You like how things are. It’s nice. It’s not stressful, and you don’t have to hide. So when you have the sudden impulse to push him away and tell him you need space, you keep repeating in your head that you can’t let one nightmare fuck it all up. It was just a nightmare.

That’s all.

Instead of isolating like you normally would, and texting Seojoon to tell him not to come, you get out of bed and take off the oversized CK T-shirt and put on your dedicated painting T-shirt which is stained in various colors of paint, far too vibrant for the mood you’re currently in.

You set up the corner of your room as you always do, break out your easel and canvas and various paints, put on your painting playlist on Spotify, and you tell yourself that this is coping. This is a healthy way to cope. No, it’s not dwelling, it’s coping.

It’s coping, you’re sure.

You’re totally not freaking out about the fact that your flower became faceless in this dream, or that he was incredibly angry and cold towards you, or that he ended up disintegrating right in front of your fucking eyes again.

You’re totally not worried that you forgot what he looked like. Not at all. This is just coping.

And so you paint. You don’t really know where you’re going with it, and try to ignore the fact that you are trying to paint a portrait of someone who is now a ghost to you from memory alone. You don’t think of anything, really, you just let your hands move on their own accord.

You have no idea how much time passes before you’re standing before the painting you’ve created, questioning it. Pretending that you can’t quite remember how the eyes or mouth are supposed to look.

You know. You know well. You haven’t forgotten his face, the nose you’ve painted onto the faceless man is proof alone that you have not forgotten. Such a unique nose, a bit big, pointy, perfect in the most imperfect way. How could you forget such a beautiful piece of art carved by god himself?

It’s quite the opposite, really. You stare at the painting for a long time hoping it starts to distort. Hoping that you won’t recognize the single feature you’ve managed to capture. Hoping that somehow, someway, you’ll remember a different set of eyes and lips and beauty marks that don’t belong to the nose staring at you right now.

You start to feel a bit crazy, honestly. This faceless man with only a nose and petals falling off of his skin seems almost too real. Too close. It’s been over half a year now that you’ve seen him, yet here he is fucking haunting you after you swore you were over him.

You are, you still swear. You have to be.

You take your paint brush and glob a streak of bright red paint on it, you’re ready to destroy the canvas because for some fucking reason it won’t distort. You can’t stand looking at it anymore. So you huff, bring your paintbrush to the canvas and—

“That’s gorgeous.”

Fuck.

You slowly turn your head to see Seojoon standing against your bedroom door frame. Suddenly, you sort of regret giving him your spare key, because if he hadn’t spoken up sooner, he would’ve just witnessed you defiling the goddamn painting as if it killed your family. He would’ve thought you were psychotic.

“Ah, thanks. I was just messing around with some ideas I had…”

He arches a brow at you, and even his eyes find the painting again. You nearly feel yourself break a sweat, because what if he asks questions? What if he realizes this wasn’t just you messing around like some quirky art girlie, but this is an actual person you’ve painted?

The same person you vaguely told him about. The man that was never yours, but somehow is still managing to fuck with your head. If he caught on, he may ask questions, and you can’t explain. You’d have to lie.

That’s how you feel, anyway. And you can’t have that.

He lets out an intrigued sigh as he pushes off of the door frame and takes his blazer off, makes his way towards you. He stands right behind you, encircling your waist in his arms and resting his chin on the top of your head, just like Jung—

“That’s very intricate for just messing around babe. What’s it mean?”

He doesn’t sound accusing when he asks, just curious. Seojoon is always curious to know what goes on in your head, especially when it comes to the way you express yourself. And he has no fucking idea who is in this painting, if it’s anyone at all, but he knows he gets an odd feeling in his stomach when he looks at it.

You merely shrug in response as you put your paintbrush down and lean into his touch. This is the question you didn’t want to answer. Although his tone isn’t accusing, you know what he’s really asking: ‘who the fuck is that?’

You’re torn between being vague and lying outright. Lying is never good in a relationship… although you aren’t technically in a relationship to begin with. But again, this is something you will not discuss with him. You don’t want to. And you know in the back of your mind that lying and sneaking around is the very thing that fucked with your head to begin with, but…

Sometimes white lies are necessary… right?

“Doesn’t really mean anything, I was just going with the flow. Not sure who it is, can’t quite figure out the eyes or mouth.” You gesture lazily with one of your hands, placing your free hand on top of his on your tummy.

No need to tell him you know exactly who the fuck this is and you haven’t added the eyes or the mouth because you think you might have a psychotic break if you see his face again.

Seojoon isn’t stupid though. He can tell you’re lying. But he won’t call you out on it. He can tell maybe this is sensitive to you, maybe whoever this is hurt you… and also, he is no stranger to little white lies.

Nothing is ever as pretty as it seems, is it?

He nods, kisses the top of your head. But he can’t quite hear his eyes away from the painting because… it looks so familiar. He can’t place it, maybe he’s just reading into it too much but he swears he knows that nose.

“Huh. Looks kinda familiar. Don’t know why though.”

Immediately you feel alarm bells going off in your head. Why the fuck would it look familiar? It’s a nose on a face that’s otherwise faceless… it’s also kind of morbid looking.

You get this feeling in your gut that you don’t like, but immediately choose to ignore. Because you convince yourself this is anxiety being mixed up with intuition. You often question yourself these days, because you’re paranoid karma is coming for you. But you have to remind yourself that your feelings are valid, you suffered enough, no need to let the lingering guilt you feel over the past affect mundane moments like this.

It’s just anxiety, surely. It’s such a basic nose, it could belong to anyone. It’s a faceless fucking painting, he can’t possibly know who that nose belongs to.

Bullshit.

“Looks familiar because it’s not finished. Who knows, maybe it’s you.”

You tease him, nudging your ass into him which earns you a little grunt. You let out a half hearted giggle and shake your head… when in reality the mere idea of him being in the painting makes you feel sick. It’s not that you don’t want to paint Seojoon, or that you don’t think he’s pretty…

It’s because you know that nose belongs to someone else, the entire concept of this painting is based upon someone else. It could never be Seojoon.

Time to change the subject.

You remove his arms from around your waist and decide you’re done with painting for the night. Seojoon is here now, no need to dwell on the faceless flower man who haunts your dreams like a goddamn ghost.

You walk over to your dresser and take a makeup wipe to start wiping the little specs of paint from your face and arms as you ask, “How was work? You were super late tonight.”

Again, not accusatory. Just curious, because he doesn’t often stay this late for work. Maybe a few hours at a time but never this late into the night.

You’re too focused on getting the paint off of your skin to notice the way he avoids looking at you.

He begins unbuttoning his shirt as he speaks casually, “Ah, was fine. Nothing new. Some idiot fucked up the powerpoint presentation for one of our projects and I had to stay to clean up their mess, you know how it is.”

You really don’t know how it is, but you nod along anyway, you aren’t really paying attention. Just wanna hear about his day.

Maybe you should pay attention.

Before you can speak up, he continues, “Oh, that reminds me, Taehyung invited me to a little potluck type deal tomorrow night with some friends. Was gonna see if you’d wanna come, would be a great chance for you to meet some of my buddies.”

For some reason you get a bit of anxiety at the thought of meeting his friends. You’re not sure why, but again, that feeling in your gut persists. You chalk it up to the fact you’re on edge and paranoid because Seojoon walked in on something you feel he should not have. That damn cursed painting.

Anxiety over intuition. Surely.

You’ve yet to meet his friends, so it is kind of overdue. There’s no real reason as to why, it just hasn’t come up yet. He’s met plenty of your friends, sharing Sohee as a friend means you share other friends too. But you’ve still yet to meet his best friend or even his friend group.

You’ve heard a lot about them, Tae specifically, and he seems lovely. You want to meet him, meet all of them… so you aren’t sure why you have anxiety about it.

Get a grip, Y/N, one nightmare doesn’t mean it’s the end of the fucking world and everything bad is about to happen.

But even then, you ask hesitantly as you throw your makeup wipe away, “You sure? I don’t wanna be the annoying ‘girlfriend’ who wasn’t invited.”

He snorts at that, and shakes his head as he flops onto your bed with his shirt now open and loose with his belt undone. He places his hands behind behind his head as he stares at you, “Can’t be the annoying girlfriend when you aren’t my girlfriend babe.”

He arches a brow, sticks his tongue out playfully. He isn’t scolding you or pressuring you, not that you’re aware of, but is definitely hinting to the fact that you’ve both sort of avoided the whole girlfriend-boyfriend thing up to this point.

You’ve avoided it because… well, you don’t know really. You just haven’t felt the need to label it, and if you’re being honest, you’re not sure if you’re ready for the label. On one hand, it’s just a label. So it isn’t that serious. Nothing would change really because you’re already exclusive to each other… that’s what you assume, anyway.

On another hand, it feels more permanent. For some reason it makes you feel pressured into admitting things you don’t quite want to admit. If he were to ask curious questions that he has yet to ask, you wouldn’t be able to lie about them under the guise of it being too private and personal.

You just might have to be honest about the flower who made you bloom and wilt all at once. The flower that was never really yours, but is the entire reason you’re hesitant to commit, despite never committing to that very flower.

He hasn’t made a move to make it official either though, although that’s purely out of respect. Little do you know, all of his friends know you as his girlfriend. His coworkers too. He’s already added that label. But out of ‘respect’ to you, he hasn’t told you that and hasn’t pressured you to add the label yourself. He did say he would go at your pace, after all…

That’s what he allows you to think, anyway. Seojoon is only a man…

“Shut up, you know what I mean.” You retort as you grab a little hair clip and toss it at him, and then go back to your dresser with a huff, start undressing and finding something comfy to wear for bed. Not the CK T-shirt this time. You don’t feel right wearing it in bed with Seojoon.

He shamelessly stares at you as you undress, his eyes becoming a bit heavy lidded as he speaks, “I know I know, but they want you there. They all wanna meet you, I talk about you a lot on our nights out. You could impress them by making something yummy. Please?" He playfully pouts at you and you roll your eyes. You don't miss how his eyes remain glued to your ass even as he pouts, which in most cases is flattering... but tonight you aren't really in the mood. For very unobvious reasons to him, but painfully obvious reasons to you.

You know that he’s right though, you need to meet his friends. It’s not as serious as it feels. It’s only fair to him. You make your way over to the bed, crawl on, and snuggle up to him as you say, “I guess I’m just nervous… but I’ll go.”

He instinctively lifts his arm up so that you can nuzzle into him, his hand trails down your back, then to your ass where he squeezes, “Don’t be nervous, they’re just my friends, and they already love you from what I’ve told them about you. Some of the guys will even have their wives or girlfriends there so you can have girl time or whatever,”

You don’t wanna be pessimistic… but being with his friends and their spouses adds a bit more pressure… especially considering you aren’t technically his girlfriend.

He leans in, whispers in your ear as he squeezes your ass again, “Who knows, maybe they’ll even be jealous I’ve got such a pretty not-girlfriend.”

He chuckles and kisses the top of your head, makes no move to escalate things beyond squeezing your ass. He definitely wants to, but he won’t. Your pace and all that.

It’s true though, he’s excited for you to meet his friends. Even more excited at the prospect of them being jealous. He nearly brags about you on nights out with them because you are so unlike any girl he has been with before.

Seojoon is hot shit and he knows it. He’s one of those men that woman see on the street and think ‘damn I want him.’ He’s used to woman being willing to drop to their knees just for a chance with him. He’s used to woman going at his pace…

But you, you’re different. Because even though he was handsome, even though you were clearly into him from the start, you made him work for it. It’s different because woman are usually willing to do whatever he wants. But you, you had boundaries. You still have boundaries. You’re skittish like a stray cat, one wrong move and you may kick him to the damn curb. He has to earn you and your trust… he has to chase you.

And oh, he loves that. As much as he itches to put a label on it, he’s more than willing to be the one doing whatever you want at your pace. It’s kind of like wanting something he can’t have… it’s the thrill of it. And he’s proud of the fact that you have stayed this long, you’ve yet to push him away.

Maybe it’s not official, but it’s exclusive. That’s what you both think it’s supposed to be, anyway. Although his friends already know you as his girlfriend, and so do his coworkers. In his head, you are his girl. You don’t have to admit it, but you are. The label won’t change things as him and his friends see it, considering it was already there.

His little wildflower that he picked on the side of the rode, out of place on the side of a street full of cars. He put you in a little vase and slowly waters you with security and gives you freedom in the form of sunlight.

Even though you’re unaware that you sit stagnant in a vase on his kitchen counter… just like you’re unaware that you’re his girlfriend.

Some things you just don’t need to know. It’ll happen anyway, he’s sure of it. You’ll agree to be his soon.

But if you did know… if you knew that he was currently comparing you to any sort of flower, especially a fucking wild flower, while simultaneously considering you his girl when you never agreed… you just night have called it all off.

Flower comparisons are reserved for a man who’s faceless painting is staring at you right now. For you and him only. Not Seojoon… no matter what he is to you.

Bur you don’t know. You haven’t a damn clue. So he’s in the clear for now.

You roll your eyes at him, find the little hair clip that you threw at him sitting on the pillow. You pick it up, put it in his hair as you mutter, “Whateverrr. I doubt it.” And then promptly nuzzle into him again.

You do, in your head you don’t think there’s anything to be jealous of. But him? He thinks you’re the perfect arm candy. Every one of his friends will be surprised when they get to know you themselves considering you’re unlike his usual type, sort of an enigma. And then he’ll get to tell stories about your time together and exaggerate them to make them even better.

He’s excited. Much more excited than you are.

You both fall asleep soon after that, keeping up the idle chatter until you drift off. Thankfully, no more nightmares or dreams of your faceless flower man. Although it isn’t a peaceful sleep, it’s quiet. Always is better when sleeping next to someone.

Makes it easy to ignore that tiny bit of loneliness that you can’t quite ignore when no one else is around. The loneliness that you swore was gone until tonight. You can only hope that tomorrow these feelings will be gone, and the faceless man watching you sleep through a painting crafted by your hands will disappear from your thoughts when you wake up.

[002yb]

Blanket apology on the lateness to all of these replies.  ┬┴┬┴┤･ω･)ﾉ

Head bonks when they’re brushing their teeth over one sink

A persisting argument of Dick wanting to save any stray bugs that make their way into their apartment while Jason wants to eradicate them (because Dick thinks they’re neat, but Jason associates them to an unkept home)

They don’t own a mop, so they make a conga line where Jason shuffles through with a wet towel and Dick shuffles through with a dry towel behind him

Dick coming home with groceries, only for the both of them to go back out again because he forgot the top thing on the list; it happens consistently and Jason has an inkling Dick does it on purpose (he does)

Whipping each other with towels and vaulting over furniture to escape impending doom

Tucked away in this ask, only I’m not sure what else to add hahaha.

Just Jason consciously falling in love with Dick over a series of mundane moments

So he associates all these little things with Dick in that way young lovers do

A certain route they patrolled, the flickering of a neon sign, the wind pulling through their hair as they sat up high on a skyscraper.  The pounding of his heartbeat as they chased each other, the sweltering heat of a humid day or the smell of a coffee – warm where Dick pressed it to Jason’s cheek and warm throughout his body when Jason sipped at it and let it chase away all the fatigue.  Dawn on the horizon with Dick at Jason’s window - lingering just a moment longer.

Jason being very aware of how smitten he is and doing nothing about it.  Just basking in the present moments as they come and being content in their afterglow.

This is perfection.  No notes.  Superb.

Uaaaaaahhhhhhhh an art like this must exist, right?  It’s too good not to!!  Damian being ornery with Dick in this sort of capacity (with them both fawning over Jason) is probably my most favorite dc fanon thing hahaha.  Thank you for the visual of this, anon!

Hahaha, how Dick keeps his degeneracy under wraps is beyond Jason, truly.  Truth be told though, it stops being discreet because Jason’s reactions to all of Dick’s dirty talk is so obvious.  That’s okay though because Dick doesn’t mind.  Even if he goes down, Jason goes with him; they’re partners in life and in their perverse ways.  An accusation Jason adamantly refuses because they are not the same; no way!

To which Dick will roll his eyes but it’s whatever.  Denial is the first step to acceptance.  That besides, it’s not like Jason isn’t the one pulling Dick aside or beckoning him someplace private after Dick drops those suggestions. ;)

Hahaha, the perpetually single ones for sure.  But I think those who are in committed relationships would be overwhelmingly fond and nostalgic.  Seeing dickjay’s young love, so new and sweet and exciting, would remind them of back when they were first falling in love.  And it’d maybe spark some rekindled romance in their own relationships as they reminisce.

Meanwhile dickjay admiring those who have been in relationships longer because they’re comfortable and settled and really?  They can’t wait to be there, but for now Dick and Jason just enjoy each other day by day. //u///

There’s a story sitting in my drafts that covers this.  It’s been done for months but tbh having to tag on ao3 is such a daunting thing.  I’ll try to get this posted for you soon, anon.

This exchange is the closest to eldritch!Dick as I can imagine.

Will-o-Wisp!Dick lives in my head rent free and it’s the closest I think I can get to something eldritch (because I’m dumb I don’t actually get what it’s supposed to be LOL).  Or something akin to a will-o-wisp.  With Dick being able to twist his voice and image to lure people into the bog that is Gotham’s bowels.  He usually makes himself known as a robin chirping in the night; a warning song.

Other times he’ll appear as a child, dashing through shadows with laughter echoing through alleys.  A beautiful boy that lures criminals away from the main streets and any lingering lights, or guides innocents someplace safer.

And then there’s Dick Grayson, grown and bewitching with the mirthful light in his eyes and a wicked smile; bared teeth and a jaw that might be too sharp.

Dick becoming an urban legend in his own right.  Where he’s ‘passive,’ only not really.  He guides people through Gotham and depending on the situation, Dick will bring them home.  Or he’ll walk them off a building’s ledge, into oncoming traffic, or for those most wicked – infront of the muzzle of Red Hood’s gun.

This post.

Ahahahaha, thank you so much!  Jason getting all flustered after being exposed (by himself, no less) is so charming.  For as much as I love maiden!Jason, he’s probably a bit of a freak ngl.  Like Jason probably kink shames himself after bringing up something he’d like to try with Dick and Dick sputters because the depravity is !!!

Just Jason basing the validity of some of his kinks on Dick’s reaction to them because Dick is the most depraved man he knows.

Of course even when Jason catches Dick off guard (surprisingly often), Dick gets on board real quick.

But yeah, without fail I think it’s always Jason that exposes his own kinks.  And he’s not casual about it at all once he realizes and that exposes himself further and it’s the most vicious of cycles, hahaha.

In reply to this ask.

Tbh, no change LOL.  Dick’s domesticity kink and how he reacts to Jason being domestic transcends time and circumstance.  So, basically:  Simp King!Dick Grayson.  Who is genuinely turned on by stupid, mundane domestic things but who also plays up his reactions because it makes Jason laugh and fluster and Dick loves to see that.

The visual of Dick being taken out at the knees or falling into the wall for support or just keeling over a bit while biting his sleeve because Jason is cooking/cleaning/doing laundry is just so silly hahaha.  Or even Dick just being all sparkly and flowery because yeah, check out his boyfriend (only don’t, thanks) being so sweet and caring and wonderful.  //U////

But also the heated moments because of course.  Where Dick:

Hooks his chin over Jason’s shoulder as Jason cooks something over the stove.  Hands on Jason’s hips and peppering kisses just below Jason’s ear (and in abo setting getting a little high off of Jason’s scent because nothing is more tantalizing than that).  And Jason tries to turn around so that they can fool around a bit, but Dick is all, ‘nope, keep cooking //W////’ and proceeds to just shower Jason in some heavy petting

Oh.  Basically the above, but Jason is washing dishes.  And Dick manages to make Jason come with only the graze of Dick’s teeth at his nape and some dirty promises

Dick pushing Jason back onto a pile of unfolded laundry and having his way with him right there.  ANd Jason loves it in the moment, caught between still hot clothes and Dick burning above him.  Up until they get off and Jason realizes he has to redo laundry.  Again.

It’s cool though.  Dick joins him and they fuck again with Jason bent over the wash, detergent spilling everwhere.

Omg they’re fooling around as the washer is going only to have it flood with suds because they accidentally spilled in too much detergent ahhhahaha

Honestly torn between Damian wholeheartedly believing possessiveness = protectiveness, or whether he's aware of the difference but was impacted by losing Jason (when Jason left the League) and that loss fucked him up in a way that makes him believe that to keep someone close, you've got to own them. 🤔

Either way, Damian rates Dick low because there's always room for improvement.  There's potential, surely, but generally Dick is too nice.

As for something that constitutes Dick being bumped up to a 10?  Ahahaha, Vampire King!Dick turning Jason and making him his vampire queen and doing so in a way where Jason can only feed on Dick to survive.  And when Jason tries a hunger strike, Dick retaliates by starving Damian somehow.  It's an inconceivable thought if only because Dick is so soft on him, but it would prove very telling.

Hello, hello~ I’m getting by alright.  Sorry that I’ve not been posting much though!  And that it took so long to reply to this ask. ;3;

But yeah, Talia and Jason.  Because I’m a sucker for Jason whump forever and always, I’m partial to a relationship where Talia only cares for Jason because of his relationship with Bruce.  So there’s no love or genuine affection there for Jason as an individual, just as a convenient means of achieving a faroff goal.  Where Jason is, once again, collateral damage.

That’s a disservice to Talia though so like, reserved mother figure or just a lady who is fond of the nanny/bodyguard she found for her son is cool, too!

Thank you for reading so many of my posts!  It makes me happy that you enjoyed enough to read more. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

Jason winning over the hearts of all the shop employees because despite his intimidating stature, Jason is a timid maiden as he wanders the shop.  His gaze keeps wandering to the delicate lingerie and corsets, but Jason’s convinced it’d be dumb on him because he’s not exactly dainty

Queue encouraging salespeople and clientele and Jason being so flushed that everyone falls in love with him

Also everyone being like, hot damn, because that bust to waist ratio?  Sinful.  Who’s the lucky guy that landed him?

It’s the atmosphere of the place that gets Jason sharing a picture of Dick and oh boy does Jason preen as everyone admires his boyfriend.

Just Jason having a good time despite the initial (and persisting because he’s a maiden) embarrassment lol.

And then he gets home and omgggggg Dick

Dick sneaks in and catches Jason trying to lace up the corset on his own and Dick is such a goner because hot damn hot damn he’s fainting don’t call for help though, just cushion his fall with those bolstered tits; let Dick catch himself with hands braced on that cinched waist fuuuuuuuuuu–

For real, Dick is just so delighted because Jason is so gorgeous (and cute and sweet, because of course he flusters and tries to explain everything away, but Dick isn’t a fool; he’s fully encouraging and supportive)

Then it’s just Dick pulling the corset tight for Jason

And marveling at the way he pulls Jason’s breath from him

Looking over Jason’s shoulder to watch Jason watching himself in the mirror

Then running his hands over Jason so that he can watch through the mirror

And when their eyes catch Jason is blushing red and the corset already has him short of breath, but seeing Dick’s heated gaze has him feeling faint–

Then Jason wakes up and Dick is all sheepish because he might have pulled the corset too tight, whoops; they were both a little overzealous

Dick wanting to go with Jason the next time he goes shopping.  He wants to pick something for him, too ;)

This ask.

Bahaha for comedy the baby is absolutely Clark and Jason's. Logic be damned, Bruce would be positively teeming with rage directed solely at his 'partner,' his 'better half,' his 'we're divorced now' bestie and just. One would think Superman went and impregnated Bruce's babygirl as opposed to the cloning that actually happened.

But yes, basically Bruce being mad because:

Clark 'knocked up' Bruce's darling babygirl

Clark is the father

The baby isn't Bruce's

Poor Clark can't catch a break, either, because Dick? He is his adoptive daddy's son through and through and is also teeming with rage directed solely at his 'hero,' his 'most revered mentor,' his 'i'm disowning myself now' second father figure because like. Really?? Dick just bought a ring?? ('But you haven't had your first date yet?' Clark would note, to which Dick would bristle because, 'It's serious-- ;n;').

Let's not forget Damian 'brocon' Al Ghul-Wayne, either. Because ahahaha. Even while Jon is dropping the biggest hints about being disappointed and wanting to start a family with Damian, Damian is zeroed in on Jon's dad because Clark and Jason? Absolutely not. As you might guess, Damian is teeming ahahaha. Because to him, Jason is simultaneously mother and babygirl. In that same vein, Damian's place as t h e b a b y in Jason's life has been stolen from him and he's distraught.

Meanwhile Tim is with Kon and they're just like, PHEW. Thank fuck. But then just a few seconds later they're fooling around because, 'no clones here; I'll put a baby in you myself,' and 'yeah? go ahead and try. ;)'

[busyxfangirling]

The second season is honestly becoming increasingly harder to watch because what are they trying to do?

The show is titled Loki but he feels like a side character is his own show, I know many MANY things are happening but literally Loki is not the central figure driving the story.

My expectations were low but I did not know Disney could do this much worse!!!!

What the FUCK was episode 3 with the Miss Minutes thing and weird little Ravonna/Victor attempt???

Marvel is just getting worse and worse with what they're putting out, I want the character or even narrative driven stories back where people were well fleshed out, had consistency and their actions made sense to who there were!!! This feels like just trying to sell shock value because you know you have a base of consumers who will stay to see what happens to their favourite character.

They are absolutely ignoring all the material they have available to them to work with! This Loki has only experienced things till the Avengers movie, there is so much character deep dive they could do! What is the point of giving them their own show and then not talking about them at all??

I'll come to the queer things later cause boy do I have a list for that, but first of all, Loki is not a new character in any capacity??? He has been loved and is arguably the biggest fan favourite since his introduction, the amount of theories about him and what people would like to see is very well known!! Right in front of them is his still unclear feelings in his adoption, about being a Jotun, loosing his family and the complicated relationships with them. I can see they are acknowledging his God of Mischief status a little bit but!! Trickster!! Let us see him be a wild card properly!! Not in the sense of betraying his new TVA family - that's what it is and you can fight me on that- but being chaotic!! Yes, using his magic like with Brad!! SHOW ME HE IS A GOD!!!

The worst thing is how lost everyone feels, like I'm not talking about the whole free will conundrum everyone is going through, that is spectacular! Unfortunately it is not coming across, we literally don't get to hear any of the characters talk about what they think of it. There was the key lime pie moment but no follow up to what that is for Loki? It's just one crisis after another, maybe rehash some of what has already happened, bring back the seriousness of this!! The entire multiverse is at stake but we'll make it look like whimsical wishy-washy stuff??!??!!!

Don't get me wrong, I am LOVING the time travel aspect of it, where it looks like Loki/Mobius are on cute dates. But then make it real, the fucking queerbaiting is ridiculous. The throw-away comment in season one about looking being bi was just that and nothing else. And I'm not saying this cause aww they look cute together! But also cause the development of their relationship has been as such!! They have been very dependent on each other and that's not being addressed at all.

I know there are multiple posts about a possible betrayal and my fear is that they're going to try to use that to basically change everything about the characters again, a lot of OOC based on the fact that oh yeah they're going through an existential crises so it makes sense.

Sylkie made barely any sense to me even apart from the whole selfcest issue- they just imposed a the structure of what a straight relationship should be where there was barely any chemistry. S1 E3 had them as really good chaotic siblings/twins and then adding the romantic tones to that really ruined it. Trying to bring it back, possibly, is just weird cause so far they want very different things. These people just don't align together, stop forcing them to? The fact that they refuse to even talk about that kiss shows that they are keeping it open and not just acknowledging that "hey, we don't want the same things in life and I'm happy for you, you matter a lot to me but a romantic relationship is not happening. Also cause you know, we're the same person, lol."

Sylvie as a character is also very confusing rn, there is honestly no need for her to keep coming back in this way??? I'm going to reserve further opinions because half the season is left but I dont expect anything to really get better.

[louandhazaf]

ANNUAL WRITING SELF EVALUATION 2023

List of works published this year:

Wanted: Dog Walker // Louis needs a dog walker. / Harry answers the ad. A Social Construct // Five times Harry and Louis try to lose their virginity and one time they finally do.

Tongue Tied // Louis’ new bestie placed a hand on his shoulder; he turned with a sway and looked into his blue eyes. ”What do you wish?” / The world spun for a moment, and Louis shrugged. It was easy. The only thing he wanted. “I wish that I could tell Harry that I love him, instead of getting all tongue tied and chickening out.” / The Irishman winked. “You never know, your wish may just come true.” / “From your lips to God’s ears, mate.” He gave the man a hug. “I gotta go before my Uber leaves me.” / He stumbled to the door, and that was the last thing he remembered from the night. ‘tis the damn season // Harry returns to her small hometown over the holiday season and starts to think about the road not taken.

Work you are most proud of (and why): ‘tis the damn season because I have always said that there was absolutely no way I could write an advent fic day by day. And yet, when Nov 30th came around and I only had two chapters, my fomo won over my fear of failure and I thought I’d give it a try, because the worst that would happen is that I wouldn’t finish it, which would’ve been fine! But then with the help of everyone who read along, I actually did it! 

A favorite excerpt of your writing: unlike most years, when I quickly scrolled through my works, nothing specific jumped out, so I’ll just say that I really liked how ch 6 rolled into ch 7 in ‘tis the damn season! 

Share or describe a favorite review you received: literally every single one.

A time when writing was really, really hard: oh boy. Okay. so if you go back and read my 2022 recap, and 2021, you’ll see that writing has consistently been hard for me for a few years. So, this year I told myself not to worry about it, that I could not write a single thing and not feel bad about it. I didn’t do a ton of writing this year, but having the internal pressure off sure helped. Even though I really miss the way it used to be. 

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I’ll say Zayn in ‘tis the damn season, because I didn’t have a role for her when I started, and I really liked her as minor threat slash Louis’ bff and sometimes hookup. I want someone to write a story in her pov. lmaoooo How did you grow as a writer this year: I really tried to get rid of my perfectionist tendencies and tried to write without putting pressure on myself. 

How do you hope to grow next year: i dont even know, tbh. I’ll be very happy if I match my 2023 fic count. 

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): I adore everything that @disgruntledkittenface put out this year. The way she keeps pushing herself is really inspiring.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: ummm, I guess the ‘moving back home thing’... idk. Nothing i wrote this year hit particularly close to home. 

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: i love you. please keep going!

Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: what I would give to be able to write the next installment of Swallow My Words. Thank you so much to @kingsofeverything @allwaswell16 @lululawrence and @haztobegood for tagging me! @phdmama want to join in the fun? @disgruntledkittenface did i miss yours? anyone else??? (also, here’re my responses from 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, 2022)

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

what can you say about the arguments from this post?

https://www.tumblr.com/burst-of-iridescent/723566883369025537/your-response-to-that-anon-makes-it-pretty-clear?source=share

I stumbled upon it by accident and have been feeling sick for the second day. These people really cannot see and choice not to see beyond their own nose.

I don't really need to respond to it, the anon that sent it already did that for me.

"Aang never did as much for Katara as she did for him!" they say, ignoring the HUGE list of things Aang did for Katara that the anon so kindly sent.

"Emotional labor" has already become the new "male gaze" and "gaslighting." It used to mean something, and now it's just hollow words because people refuse to use it right.

Yes, Katara gave Aang lots of emotional support. AND SO DID HE. And neither of them ever demanded it, because they didn't have to. It's called "caring about each other." A shocking concept, I know. Zutarians would understand that if their social life didn't consist solely of regurgitating lies about a cartoon and then harrassing people online.

And even though they love pretending that Aang telling his traumatized friend (who may I remind you, is 14-years-old and has always made it clear she wants to be allowed to just be a kid again) "Don't murder this guy even though he's awful, you know you'll regret it later" was NOT him thinking of her emotional well-being, especially when he says to her to let her anger out, then let it go, or when he's totally chill with her saying that she will never forgive her mother's killer. Apparently taking care of someone can ONLY be done by supporting absolutely everything they want to do. Remember folks, if your best friend wants to jump off the plane without a parachute, you let them. If you don't, you're controling, abusive and don't really trust them like they trust you.

"Oh, but he immediately conflates justice and revenge! How terrible of Aang to do that! Please ignore the part of the scene in which Katara explicitly says that, yes, she wants revenge!" These people just never get tired of lying about what happened on the show right?

Also, very funny that they use things Aang lashing out at Katara after Appa has been kidnaped (and APOLOGIZING, something these people conveniently never bring up) and acting like that is unforgivable, yet ship Katara with ZUKO. The character whose whole deal "Gets angry and makes that everyone else's problem, especially when someone is trying to make him see reason."

Them getting hung up on the non-consensual kiss and how Zuko would NEEEVER ignore his girlfriend/crush's explicit objections like that is hilarious too. Like, did these people not see that scene in The Beach, where Mai says "You want me to express myself? LEAVE ME ALONE!" and Zuko somehow thinks that's the perfect time to make a move on her, and was suprised when she then told him not to touch her. Sorry to break it to you, Zutarians, but Zuko isn't perfect either.

Also, at least in both of these cases, the boys were shown as being in the wrong. Uncle Iroh is problably the most beloved character in the whole series, and the scene in which he pretended to be paralyzed to perv on June, a woman that was MUCH younger than him and clearly not interested, was played for laughs and NOBODY calls people abuse apologists for still liking him. Why the hell is liking Kataang despite the Ember Island kiss treated as a crime?

There's just no way to have a chill, reasonable discussion about any aspect of the show with these people. They live in their own little world, with their alternative version of the story, and will get very mad if you point out "This thing you're describing didn't happen like that/never happened at all"

[violetlunette]

Romance Tropes I like but No one Else does; The Love Triangle

Since it’s the month of “love” I thought I’d share my thoughts on romance tropes. In this case--

Romance Tropes I like but No one Else does; The Love Triangle

Starting off the month with a big one.

Whenever you look at any list of the worst romance tropes, you’ll see the love triangle on the list. Fair enough, I can see why, as most of the time when this trope is used, it follows the same formula;

The girl will always choose the brooding bad boy, or the guy who tends to be a jerk, over the one who’s consistently kind and supportive. Ironically, the boy will go the opposite route unless it’s an anime, in which case the boy will choose the tsundere or the magical girl. And with a love triangle focused on a female, it often comes off as the boys forcing her into a corner.

However, when the love triangle is written right, it can be an intriguing character study while creating angst and drama. I'll focus on the female lead for this post, as the triangle is most prevalent in female fiction.

More often than not, the boys represent two different worlds, and the one the lead chooses shows what values they hold dear. Such as independence vs. community, mystery vs. the familiar, and so on.

The thing Hollywood does wrong is that they make both love interests basically the same and rarely explore why the lead would choose the interest she does. Plus, it’s always clear that the writers have a favorite, and so one of the boys is basically just a false romantic lead.

The latter is especially annoying because it feels like they’re wasting our time trying to make us care for a guy who’s just going to be tossed aside.

Despite what others may think, I believe that the Love Triangle can be used for good storytelling and character exploration and development.

That being said, it has been done so much that the only way to make it interesting is to write the characters really well and/or do something new with it.

What I think would be fun is to have the lead choose neither and end up independent or with a third party. The latter can be difficult as readers may feel cheated that the lead ended up with a person who came out of nowhere, but I think writers should take up the challenge and give it a try anyway.

Or, in a twist, both interests reject the lead and move on with someone else, as she took too long to decide. You can even have it that the love interests choose each other after they go to console one another after being dumped.

You can also write a poly; however, if you’re going to do this, you have to make sure that all three have a romantic relationship with each other and none feel like a third wheel.

To conclude, here are my tips for writing a love triangle:

*Make all the parties involved interesting.

*Don’t play favorites.

**Adding to this, don’t villainize the rejected one out of nowhere.

*Make the love interests complete opposites and have them represent two different worlds. For example, one guy can represent big life in the city, or the world of the supernatural, and choosing them means moving into the unknown, while the other represents life in the country, small-town life, or the human world, and choosing them symbolizes the familiar.

*Play around with possible outcomes.

*Don’t make the “winner” someone who has so many red flags that they could be a communist. If you do, show that the lead made a mistake and make the rest of the story a tragedy or her breaking away from him.

*Make the love interests have an entertaining relationship with each other (though don’t fall into the trap of making their interactions more interesting than the main leads).

*Show WHY the lead makes the choice she does. Make the choice to represent her values and her desires.

And that's it! So how about you? How would you improve the love triangle trope? And are there any romance tropes you love but others seem to hate? Or how about the opposite where everyone loves a romance trope but you hate it?

[popentertainment-moviereviews]

MONKEY MAN (2024)

Starring Dev Patel, Sharlto Copley, Pitobash, Sobhita Dhulipala, Sikandar Kher, Vipin Sharma, Ashwini Kalsekar, Adithi Kalkunte, Makarand Deshpande, Jatin Malik and Zakir Hussain.

Screenplay by Dev Patel and Paul Angunawela and John Collee.

Directed by Dev Patel.

Distributed by Universal Pictures. 121 minutes. Rated R.

Indian actor Dev Patel has put together an interesting career over the past fifteen years or so. He’s starred in such diverse and mostly acclaimed projects as Slumdog Millionaire (I kind of hated that way-overrated Best Picture winning film, but he was very good in it), Lion, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel and even as part of the ensemble in the Aaron Sorkin HBO series The Newsroom (my personal favorite of his roles).

However, despite working fairly regularly over the years – mostly in starring roles – he has never really had a big break-out role that exploded him into the A-list of movie celebrities.

Therefore, he has decided to take matters into his own hands. In the new action thriller Monkey Man, Patel is not only the star, but he also co-wrote and directed the film. And despite the sort of ridiculous title and the fact that Monkey Man is very, very violent (sometimes stupidly violent), it is a pretty impressive calling card for the actor and now budding filmmaker – a stylish and often thrilling piece of genre filmmaking with a distinctive Indian flair.

In fact, to a certain extent, Monkey Man shares a decent amount of the plot points and themes with Patel’s Slumdog breakthrough – young Indian boy struggling to survive after the violent killing of his mother, growing into a young man who is consistently underestimated and beaten down, delving in the gray areas of organized crime and police corruption, and showing the slums of India to be something of a hell on Earth. Also like Slumdog Millionaire, we are thrown in well into the story and then many of the details are filled in through flashbacks.

Patel’s character here (he is never named, merely referred to as the Kid) grew up on the streets after his mother’s death, and in his early thirties he is part of an inhumane fight club. He is cast as the villain fighter, wearing an ape mask and called Monkey Man, and he is basically paid (rather poorly) to lose. His main skill as a fighter in this brutal circuit is that he bleeds profusely, which helps to inflame the bloodlust of the audience.

The Monkey Man character was not just random, though, nor was it simply because he had an ape mask. (Technically, an ape isn’t a monkey, but we won’t even get into that.) As a child, the kid’s mother enthralled the young boy with stories of the Hindu deity Hanuman.

According to Wikipedia, Hanuman “epitomizes the fusion of ‘strength, heroic initiative, and assertive excellence’ with ‘loving, emotional devotion’ to his lord Rama, embodying both Shakti and Bhakti. Subsequent literature has occasionally depicted him as the patron deity of martial arts, meditation, and scholarly pursuits. He is revered as an exemplar of self-control, faith, and commitment to a cause, transcending his outward Vanara appearance.”

Therefore the Kid is not only in thrall of Hanuman, in his Monkey Man character he is trying to be him. However, the fighting is just a means to an end for the Kid. He uses the money he makes to infiltrate the local organized crime in order to avenge himself on people who may have wronged him in the past.  

He begins a long, violent trail through the Indian underworld, law enforcement and politics. When badly injured during an early attempt at vengeance, he is brought into a local temple, where he is taught to win at fighting and hone his strengths and the strength of Hanuman. This leads to a long, bloody, hectic sequence where he not only tries to avenge himself but may also significantly change Indian political power.

The fighting scenes of Monkey Man are both exciting and a little bit ridiculous – there is no way this guy can take on so many people and be injured as significantly as he is and still keep going. However, action films long ago stopped making logical sense, and at least Patel is willing to acknowledge that the Kid is getting badly injured each time he goes out there, often having to take weeks or months to recover.

Honestly, I can’t imagine that I will ever be moved to see Monkey Man again, but I’m glad that I got to experience it.

Jay S. Jacobs

Copyright ©2024 PopEntertainment.com. All rights reserved. Posted: April 5, 2024.

[ode-to-odes]

IFComp Reviews: Setting Sail!

Day one of IFComp is finally here, and I've already started playing through the 75 entries we have this year. With a plethora of new authors, an abundance of nautical stories, and a fuckton of mysteries (not to mention the amount of nautical mysteries!), I have high hopes for the season. In order to give the uninterested less to scroll through, I'll leave my full impressions of games under the cut, with a TLDR for each one above.

I'm using IFComp's personal randomized list as my playing order to do my part in eliminating the quantity-of-votes bias that can occur in comps like this one. Thank you to whoever implemented that; I love the IF community so much.

Anyway, the first three games of the day are as follows:

Lake Starlight by SummersViaEarth TLDR: Polished, complete, with no (discovered) bugs and only a few comma mistakes, but I am very much not the target audience and as such didn’t enjoy playing it.

How Prince Quisborne the Feckless Shook His Title by John Ziegler TLDR: Hot Diggity Fizz! Play this game. Right Now. Seriously, it's one of the best parser games I've ever played, and I had to stop at the two hour limit. Be warned though, it's long as hell. Two hours is probably about 10% of time needed to complete.

All Hands by Natasha Ramoutar TLDR: Short, haunting, and while not (in my opinion) worthy of a place on the podium, it's definitely worthy of an attentive playthrough.

Full reviews below the cut!

Lake Starlight: This game was fairly short (took me less than half the listed time to finish it, although I’m admittedly a pretty fast reader). You play as a teenage girl who finds out she has magic and is whisked away to magic summer camp. Plus, the world is dystopian eco-hell. My first playthrough took me 35 minutes, and then I spent another five or so exploring different endings.

Overall, the writing has a very consistent voice and style, and I didn’t encounter any bugs during my playthrough, so the polish is definitely there, technically speaking. I found the themes to be a bit too cluttered to really get much out of the game, though - the author incorporates so many different mystical ideas and cultures that the whole thing starts to feel overdone. Additionally, the use of slang was a bit outdated and awkward? It very much felt like someone was trying to write a teenager, or a story that appeals to teenagers, without actually interacting with teenagers on a regular basis.

This game wasn’t terrible, it just wasn’t for me. I do think my 13-year-old sister would’ve liked it more than I did, but as a college student with the ability to read and think critically AND with a better grasp on the language teens use today, I found it difficult to get through. If not for the comp, I don’t think it’s a game I would’ve played through to the end.

HPQtFSHT: I spent the morning reading through every summary of each game to get a feel for this year’s comp ✨vibe✨ and this one definitely grabbed my interest from the start. I’m honestly a bit disappointed it was second on my list to play because I like to save bigger parser games for the end.

And boy, is this game big. The first part/chapter/section of the game, intended to be assessed by the judges (estimated to take the allotted two hours) had me in an absolute chokehold. The world is so fun to explore, and the characters are all hilarious. The writing overall is probably my favorite part of the game, which is always a good omen in a long parser. The expressions used by characters, the names of locations and people, as well as the descriptions are all very consistently written, and written incredibly well. The narrative voice is hilarious, and I honestly laughed out loud at points in this game (the hamster dam, for example. love it.). Although it will take longer, I highly recommend reading the full text of the story when given the option, as it is just so much fun. I spent the entire time wondering whether or not fruitlet is a real word, laughing at PQ trying to whistle on that damn blade of grass, and searching for needles in haystacks and forks in the road.

In terms of gameplay, the puzzles were clever, and the use of Prince Quisborne as an assistant/squire/pet-adjacent companion is so fun. The flavor text describing his behavior gradually changes over time, reflecting his growth, which is just. So awesome. I only needed to use a hint once, and when I did, I realized I was struggling because I’d forgotten to examine something that was obviously important. Unnecessary items are automatically left behind (probably a good thing, as I probably would’ve raided a poor child’s treehouse if not for this feature).

Also, points for feelies! This game comes with a pdf map of the land you and PQ explore, and it’s gorgeously hand-drawn and easy to follow. You can also use the command MAP to pull it up in the interpreter, but I prefer keeping them both open on the same window for reference. Also, not a feelie, but the option to keep your inventory showing on the side of the window is super helpful. Oh, and the borders of the game are great, too! Not distracting, and very much add to the atmosphere.

This first, intended-to-be-judged, part of time game took me the better part of an hour, so I still had loads of time to spare to keep exploring and playing. And, as stated before, by me and others, it’s so, so massive. For context, the predicted two-hour-mark (one hour for me) ends with you at 15/300 points. An hour later than that, I was at 24/300 points.

I love this game so much already, and I’m not even 10% done, if the points system is to be believed. Also, I cannot believe this was written by a new author. Absolutely insane debut, Mr. Ziegler. My hats are off and my marbles are lost.

All Hands: This was the shortest game I’ve played so far (an admittedly low bar considering that I’ve only played three, and one of those was definitely in the top three longest games in this whole comp), but what it lacks in length it makes up for in atmosphere. A spooky story about revenge (or lack thereof), and my first nautical story of the comp, with many more sure to follow.

This one was predicted an at hour to play, but it only took me about 20 minutes to get through the whole thing, and then play again to explore some alternate possibilities. The writing is gorgeous and haunting, and I like that the three interaction options stay consistent throughout the game. Overall, I really enjoyed playing it. You’ve got a spooky ship to explore, spooky songs to listen to, and a spooky story to discover. It’s a great little reflective and atmospheric piece, and while I don’t think it really gets points for ambition or scale, it’s worth a playthrough.

[singswan-springswan]

Admittedly I do not know any of your OCs but here's our chance to fix that!! 7, 9, 17, 21, and 32 for whichever two of them sound like the most fun to talk about!

asdfghjkl okay cool cool so I'll go with two from my favorite og work called Giant Flying Lizard Thing. Laura and Kaixon are long-lost dragon shapeshifter siblings

7. What fictional character do you think most influenced them, or is most like them (intentionally or not)?

Laura is actually pretty original. she's very dry and closed off and at face value her personality is almost apathetic and I've often struggled with her characterization because I haven't encountered many good references in the media I typically consume. I can't think of a character off the top of my head that really inspired her. That being said, the whole story did start out as a parody to the Mark of the Dragonfly book that I read a loooong time ago (10/10 would recommend, though it is geared towards young audiences) which has dragon-shapeshifter adjacents.

Kaixon is on the other end of the scale. He's super jaded, but he runs it through with chaotic humor and unhinged criminal activity. He's got a good heart but like. you know. it's buried under about fifteen layers of trauma, self-hate, pessimism, loneliness, etc. Think Kanan pre-Hera. Kanan wasn't a base for his character, however, which is ironic because the more I think about it the more similarities I can point out. I did make Kaixon before I even knew Kanan existed okay I swear. Kaixon was probably more inspired by guys like Keefe Sencen from KOTLC or Han Solo.

9. Pick a quote from Avatar: The Last Airbender that describes them.

Oh shoot this is a hard one. give me a second while I pull up a list of atla quotes.

okay here's Laura's: “Step aside, filth.” —Zuko, Episode 1.15, “Bato of the Water Tribe” She's not super creative, but when she does express emotion it's very intense and often violent. This quote is blunt and to the point, and quite possibly the most generous warning she could ever give the scum bag she's about to beat up. Usually she just jumps them (Shane is proud of her for using her words).

This one is for Kaixon: “You sound like my nephew, always thinking you need to do things on your own without anyone’s support. There is nothing wrong with letting the people who love you help you.” —Iroh, Episode 2.08, “The Chase” He's very non-trusting and pushes people away every chance he gets. While it's kind of a thing to be a lone gunslinger in his career as a professional criminal, he has accumulated a few close friends against his better judgement, which he seemed frustratingly unaware of.

17. How healthy are their familial relationships?

HAHAHAHA oh boy

So everything was great at the start of course. Kaixon ("Drayce" at the time. he changed his name when he became a bounty hunter) was Laura's beloved protective older brother and everyone doted on her because she was baby and cute and full of life. then their parents were brutally murdered by slavers and they were separated and they both assumed the other was dead. Eventually Laura was adopted much later by a really nice lil family clan who were very accommodating of her traumatic past and triggers. they help her feel like a person again which is super great we love to see it. She does have a bit of a rivalry with her adoptive cousin Hally but only because Hally is super competitive and Laura totally forgot how to be nice. Kaixon never got adopted lol read: doesn't trust anyone. by the time his parents were killed he was old enough to make it on his own so he never put much effort into finding new people. He does get forcefully adopted by a few of his friends, but they're not super consistent relationships because he forces himself to work alone most of the time. They're trying. it's okay, it'll work out eventually.

21. What is their love language?

Laura expresses love by committing acts of service. This stems a lot from her sense of inadequacy, and growing up in a system of merit where she was rewarded or punished based on the quality of her performance. While she knows in her head that the people who love her would never hold her to the standards she was conditioned with in her formative years, it's knee-jerk instinct at this point. She always wants to prove that she's a valuable asset. On the flip side, she feels love by spending quality time with her family. Her family and the people she values most are what she hoards as a dragon cryptid, so being near them and spending time with them and doing fun things with them and knowing they're safe makes her feel really happy and fulfilled.

Kaixon is also a mix of the two. He won't go out of his way to spend time with people he loves since it's habit for him to isolate himself, but he deeply appreciates surprise visits from his friends (especially that friend if you know what I mean 😉). He uses his actions to show he cares about something or someone. no feat is too small. this boy will go above and beyond to any length necessary to prove his devotion and commitment. He'll do anything. seriously he will do anything <3

32. Rate on a scale of 1 to 10 how likely they are to commit a crime.

Okay this is funny. First of all, I need to establish that the government in this story is hella corrupt so a lot of the actual good things are considered crimes and a lot of the bad things are fully legal (read: active slave trade).

Laura is suuuuper unhinged and has poor impulse control especially when it comes to Shane. She has definitely eaten people for insulting him before. no one touch her precious little sunshine man. Also she's just super opinionated, and because she's not human she has a few physical advantages over most public offenders and is a lot more likely to get away with doing illegal stuff. I'll give her a 6/10.

Kaixon is the most wanted man in the kingdom. Doing crimes is literally his profession. 10/10.

Thank you super duper much @kanerallels for the ask! I always love going off about my oc babies my children my beloved muffins! They are so dear to me and I will NEVER tire of talking about them! I hope you enjoyed Laura and Kaixon feel free to keep the asks coming

[derekscorner]

I finished Skyward Sword

I finally forced myself to tackle this due to the HD version and it’s taken me...a while. I did give motion a try just because it’s been a decade but I still hate it. I then dedicated to the controller option but quickly found that I hated it as well.

This game truly was infuriating to play. I don’t intend to play this again which is a bit painful to say when you cling to Zelda for 20+ years. In fact, I hated the actual gameplay so bad I won’t even break it down.

I’ll just relive the highlights instead~

Adorable

Gameplay sucked but the characters truly did not. Link & Zelda are adorable, Impa loyal, and by hell Groose became a good boy. He deserves his Legend of Groose, the SS fans are right.

The story was neither too grand nor was it anywhere near bad so I can’t really add much to that. I mostly found myself enjoying the characters or theories the game forces into your head.

Play enough LoZ titles and you spend a good portion of your SS adventure just pondering things. Like the robots, the nature of Hyrule’s world when Hylia walked it’s surface, or the freakin time stones.

If you’re new to Zelda or reading this out of curiosity just know that Hyrule is freakishly old. The actual country, the land ruled by the royal family, the very fruit this specific Zelda’s loin is immeasurably old.

So take that info and then expand it with Skyloft. The hylians were in Skyloft for an untold number of centuries. You then take that nugget and fall into my level of the fandom well and wonder how the world before Skyloft was.

Goddess of Time?

There was a whole technology based world with a god, multiple actually, wandering about. Dragons, spirits, magic, that world prior to Demise’s invasion must’ve been a sight to explore.

It also makes me wonder just how old the golden goddesses are to be called “old gods” by even Zelda herself. SS Zelda is a literal god reborn mortal. That first Zelda had those memories by the end of the game. Yet even she considered them freakin old.

Or there’s the mystery of Hylia herself. Between her making time gates, the later creation of the Ocarina of Time from a Timeshift Stone, her plan that spanned timelines, etc.

I think it’s fair to say of the gods listed in the series over the years that Hylia likely is the goddess of time mentioned in Majora’s Mask. Especially when her messages begin with her stating she’s watching from “the edge of time”.

Hell, while I’m rambling about the nice things, I loved that effect of the desert being water. I hated to actually drive the boat but the very act of a time stone turning dried ocean back into water was cool.

Wind Fish???

Then there was this f*cker! He’s like the mix of the Wind Fish (link’s awakening) and the leviathan bones (botw). Is he the wind fish? Are they kin? Are leviathans just dead fish gods!? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Though I think my biggest question is Demise’s defeat. People will play it off as a boot strap paradox but it’s..kinda not....hmm maybe it is. I’d like to argue that Demise dying in the past AFTER he was killed in the present should’ve split time but LoZ is a bit finicky with time travel.

It’s used more often than you’d expect but each use of it affects time differently. That alone tells you that time can be malleable or consistent but it depends entirely on the method or item used.

Such as the harp from Oracle of Ages. Your actions in the past alter the present and future areas.

Skyward Sword Link uses the stones and time gate to warp things. The tree of life being the biggest example.

Then there’s the titular Hero of Time himself. Perhaps Link’s most iconic time traveling incarnation. Time within Ocarina of Time is actually fixed. What you do in the past affects adult Link’s future. Time doesn’t “break” into two timelines until the ending of the game.

A break that only comes about due to Zelda’s own actions. She sent Link back in time, kept the ocarina, while Link put the sword back to rest. That event broke the self consistency of Ocarina of Time creating parallel worlds.

There’s also other minor things you can mention but these are bigger key examples. Time basically reacts based on the thing altering or traversing it. And if Hylia is indeed the god of time itself then I could easily buy Demise’s dual death being confined to a paradox.

What better way to kill a threat that big than to physically erase him from two eras?

DA SWORD

Ah I should mention Fi. It goes without saying that I didn’t find her too annoying but I should also remind any reader that this is by design. Nintendo purposely reduced the number of times she was a nuisance. Her annoyance was just that great in the original version of the game.

If anything I felt more indifferent too her. It’s a bit sad but I guess she’s doomed to be found annoying or “whatever” going by my personal standards. And I’ll even throw out a random one and say that I actually feel a bit guilty about it.

Fi is the sword. She’s our sword. The same damn thing we track down nearly every series entry. If you’ve played LoZ long enough you have some semblance of a view that the Master Sword is “my sword”.

I’d like to feel more endeared to her. Even while asleep she continually answers Link’s call. Each.And.Every.Time.

The game also did give me the feeling I was forging the sword. It wasn’t much but I appreciate that little feeling. Hylia made it but we forged it.

The End

I hated the gameplay, I hated most of the bosses even more, but the story was decent and the characters cute. Even with Link’s uncanny valley face. (he does fine when emoting but that blank stare...good God)

I wish I could add more detail to my rambling but I’m sleepy, I finally finished this, and I’m trying to get down what thoughts I can before I pass out. Hopefully I amused you if you’ve gotten this far. Bye~

[alexcaldownapier]

WCM - The Work

I'm completely and utterly burnt out at the end of this term and every other term I have done my blog posts throughout the term, but this term I haven't managed it at all.

I don't think my work on this film needs much explanation tbh, what you hear is what you get. So, for this post, I'm just going to list all the work I put into the film and the creative choices made.

Pre-Production

I spent the early days trying to expand the score I made for the test-shoot. However, once the script was done, I realised it was entirely incorrect for the new story which had moved away from Iris' insularity to focus more on the dynamic between the two characters. So, I brought in more drums and less synth-y instruments for a more natural, less spacy feeling. The score is mainly made up of the violin, which represents Iris' melancholy, leisurely existence; the rising brass arpeggios for Iris' growing curiosity; the guitar, which represents Kallie and her gentle drive; and finally the drums which push the rhythm forward and gives us the excitement that they both feel. The final track, called rising waves, was finished before we began filming. The idea was to create a full score for the ending of the film and then use smaller parts of it throughout the rest of the film to chart the emotional journey. We start with the violin and gently move through the different instruments before bringing them all together at the end.

Another part of conveying Iris' interior mind, was the underwater sounds that I had recorded last term and made a small sound library of. Iris has an attraction to the water, but keeps herself separated from it by her surfboard, only letting her hand trail through the water. This limited contact is then accentuated through sound and because a light splashing isn't very impactful, hydrophone sounds better reflected this movement and desire.

I attended the location recces, but found it hard to offer anything other than "these are the issues, which we can't get really get past". We were filming by a river, a road and the sea and that's what the script required. The river was at least a reasonably consistent tone, just a consistent tone with a wide range of frequencies therein. I decided to just roll with it and do my best with mic placement and dialogue editing, as there was nothing else to be done really. In hindsight, I should've advocated more for my department, as I was very much of the opinion that whatever was best for the rest of the departments would be best for the film and I would be able to work round it.

The shoot ran reasonably smoothly, in terms of sound-recording. I had Hazel George (the absolute boy) from 3rd year come up for a couple days to help me out as location mixer, but the rest I was running solo on. Due to all the water, I often couldn't have a lav mic on the actors, so was relying heavily on boom. I managed to get all the wildtracks on my list (plus some fun extras) which I had gone over with Bethany in pre-production. I also booked out a stereo recorder from the Film Cult to help capture some ambiences. This ended up being a god-send as one of the two boom mics I had booked out was bizarrely unsensitive and had a high noise floor. At the end of the shoot, I put all my recordings together in a lovely little sound library on my hard drive and I was ready for the sound design.

The sound design mainly consisted of a brutal, harrowing, humbling dialogue edit. Broughty ferry is so full of dogs, man. Every recording had some distant dog bark, making me have to cut the dialogue a lot closer than I would like. I initially went in quite hard with de-noisers and equalisers but after a notes session with Zoe, I ripped it all out and started again with a far more gentle approach, also using more environment sounds to mask the often dodgy dialogue recordings. Then in terms of the design, there was some fun stuff in the transitions between scenes and mixing in the score. However, I found it tough trying to chart the emotional journey of the film, as I think a lot of the initial ideas about the central character and the story as a whole didn't entirely materialise in the final cut so all the choices I planned on making felt disjointed from the new film that we were now making. I managed to communicate some of Iris' discomfort at the bus stop with a hard cut in the ambience sound and a harsh recording of some nail biting. hen again on the bridge, where I automated an EQ to change the feeling of the environment as Iris watches Kallie walk away. The main ways I was using the sound to help tell the story was through the score. I'm happy with the way the score develops through the film and it was fun to compose to picture.

My favourite part of my sound design is actually the end credits. Due to some issues with the final scene, we decided to cut it, leaving the film almost on a cliff-hanger, without a proper resolution. My idea was to continue the sound of Iris and Kallie through the credits as they run into the ocean and swim together, despite us not having the footage for it. Thankfully, I thought I would need the sound of running into the ocean as a transition between the two scenes, so I already had the correct wildtrack, I just had to layer in some dialogue between Iris and Kallie, which I took from the beginnings and ends of takes where the two actors were kidding around with each other and making each other laugh. I also added in the dialogue from the final scene that was cut to keep that beat in the film.

Overall, I'm not incredibly happy with my work on this film. I made a few mistakes when recording - the worst one being the huge change of mic position from shot to shot by the riverside, which made each line sound very different. I also should have chimed in my opinions on the edit at some point as I think there are some points where a few more/less seconds on a moment would have helped me in the sound design. I don't think it sounds terrible, but the dialogue is still rough, even after all these days and these extra days' extension. At least I know how to do a MIDI now. I think I might want to keep making music in DAWs after graduation, I had lots of fun making Rising Waves, the main score for Where Currents Meet.

[dawnmon]

A list of who and who should not be allowed into the Dream SMP 2 Writers Room (pretty much Do I Like Their Character/Think They’re Well Done).

I am also an Inniter. That says a lot I feel

Aimsey: Yes! Their lore at the start was very good. They pulled out Bangers for their first few lore streams and told a really good story that was ruined by the s4 curse.

Allowed

Antfrost: Don’t know much about his lore besides that he was in the eggpire. also bad tommy takes

Not Allowed (Bad Tommy Takes)

Awesamdude: Yes Absolutely! He’s one of the most consistent characters on the SMP, if not The most, and he plays three separate characters to boot. Very talented, very good lore

Allowed

BadBoyHalo: Nn. No. I loved the Eggpire arc but the s4 victim blaming towards c!Tommy was Not something I’m. comfortable with. So.

Not Allowed (Bad takes)

BoomerNA: Another person I don’t know the lore of too well. From what I Have seen, it was well made and had quite a bit of thought and effort into it. Joined very late into s3 so his potential hasn’t come to fruition.

Allowed

Callahan:

Allowed

CaptainPuffy: Her recent disrespect of lore, to be frank, didn't sit well with me. She’s making a different character for goofing off now, but her trend of droppings arcs before really starting them leads to a really inconsistent character. She also hopped on the c!Tommy Hate bandwagon, which makes zero sense since she was his therapist.

Not Allowed (Inconsistency)

ConnorEatsPants:

Allowed

Dream: He’s the literal owner of and titular character of the server who is tied to all lore. He also has not appeared in main s4, i miss him. I miss c!prime.

Allowed

Eret: Oh absolutely. Her lore is special and she deserves it.

Allowed

Eryn: Like Boomer, they joined very late into s3, but from what i’ve seen put in a lot of effort into their story. They utilize their character’s newness and chaotic nature well. Just needs more time to develop.

Allowed

Foolish Gamers: Absolute beast of a builder. As a writer as well, his character is interesting and his interactions with the egg arc were impactful and had huge consequences on his character. Really solid, though outside of egg lore and his Eret history I don’t know much.

Allowed

Fundy: A sparse character who doesn’t hop on often But Man when he does? He's an absolute treat and I adore his lore. So much effort is put in and he’s often swept to the side despite being a Lmanberg OG, so he gets this.

Allowed

GeorgeNotFound: it would be funny

Allowed

Hannahxxrose: From what I’ve seen of her lore? Yeah! It’s some cool stuff. I like her character. Not much else besides she absolutely was ready to murder Dream on multiple accounts and had nice bank lore.

Allowed

HBomb94: Haha cat maid. (also genuinely has a cool lore moment)

Allowed

ItsAlyssa: If she wants to

Allowed

JackManifoldTV: One of the only examples of a character who hates Tommy Well, because they used to be friends. Very good character.

Allowed

Jschlatt: Haha evil goat man. Seriously, a threatening yet comedic villain during Pogtopia.

Allowed

Karl Jacobs: Yes. His Tales stuff is absolutely phenomenal and expands on the lore so much. Absolutely impressive.

Allowed

LazarBeam and Vikkstar123: Their only lore to my knowledge is getting tortured by Dream and that qualifies them

Allowed

Michaelmcchill: He has some really cool stuff! His radio lore was super cool and I really wish he got to use it to interact more.

Allowed

Nihachu: Oh boy um. Niki’s character really isn’t one I’m too fond of? She’s in this really weird and really contradictory spot honestly. Earlier, it was great, but joining the Syndicate, trying to kill Tommy, and freeing Dream aren’t actions she seems to have reflected on or apologized for.

Not Allowed (Inconsistency)

Ph1LzA: Haha,, no. Terrible advice in s4, frees Dream with no consequences, kills his son and believes it’s justified, absolute mess. CC Phil is great but I Cannot stand his writing.

Not Allowed (Wtf is with this man)

Ponk: PONK! Yes. Really impactful stuff, and is ingrained in server history.

Allowed

Punz: So he’s one im on the fence for mostly because i really don’t like staged disc finale. It feels like a cheap twist for a cheap twist and it’s disappointing because I liked his character a lot before it. Disregarding it I Like his lore post breakout retcon with Dream but Man it sours me.

Not Allowed (On the fence)

Purpled: Really cool lore! Utilizes his lack of lore to actually better his character in the Las Nevadas Arc.

Allowed

Quackity: ABSOLUTELY! Las Nevadas is such an incredible arc and so much effort is put into his stuff. I could go on for ages but he’s such a good, consistent, and well written character.

Allowed

Ranboo: Mmmm. So, his decision to have irl time = smp time is just One of my many frustrations. I liked his lore in the start, but it’s been a year and a half and we’ve gotten basically no answers or payoff at all. His treatment of c!Tommy is also something that frustrates me a Lot looking back and it’s not intentional. I dunno. His character irritates me.

Not Allowed (Stagnation and c!Tommy treatment)

Sapnap: So I really liked his resolve to kill Dream and then. That arc died. But I Do really like his relationship with Dream and how that’s evolved. There’s some bits I am Eh on but nothing Too bad.

Allowed

Seapeekay: Another late addition but I really am intrigued by his stuff! It’s super neat. Deserves more time.

Allowed

Skeppy: Lol gem man. Honestly the table conversation alone should admit him but also his egg stuff was cool.

Allowed

Slimecicle: Yes! Such a good character oh wow. I really liked Slime/c!Charlie, his interactions with everyone were so amazing and I really wish he came back to life.

Allowed

Technoblade: No.

Not Allowed (Not in a million years.)

TinaKitten; Don’t know anything about their lore!

Not Allowed (Lack of knowledge)

TommyInnit: I’m an Inniter

Allowed

Tubbo: So even before he was a leading cause of my S4 distaste, he was kind of on the fence. Knocked it out of the Park with the L’MB anniversary stream, but Cookie Outpost was super Eh for me, and Saving Michael and Everything after was the nail in the coffin. Goodbye to 2/3 of Benchtrio, if only your writing was better.

Not Allowed (Ruined S4!)

Wilbur Soot: Last one, Wilbur! Yeah. Recent s4 mishap aside, such a solid character and writer especially. Should’ve stayed in written form but ultimately really good and deserves it.

Allowed

——————

All Unalloweds:

Tina (Don’t know enough)

Ant (bad tommy takes)

Tubbo (Ruined S4)

Puffy (Inconsistent and also soured S4)

Punz (Seemed to genuinely care about Tommy And Then Didn’t, plot twist bad)

BBH (Has Yikes takes on c!prime)

Everyone in Syndicate (minus connor)

[moririki]

⤷ A DEVIL, THEN A MAN

DENJI X READER -> 1.2K there's only so much blood and killing that you can take

REQUEST -> ✰ CONTAINS -> nonspecific gore and mentions of blood, basically you are like reze but perfectly normal (spoiler alert), uhhhh heavy on the angst :(, mentions of death, mostly consisting of flashbacks in italics, one (1) awkward ass joke, shit writing honestly, i omitted one of the prompts anon im sorry!!! MORI'S THOUGHTS -> i'm so sorry for this one but i didn’t know what else to write!! denji smut coming soon <3

YOU'VE HEARD YOUR FAIR SHARE OF HORROR STORIES ABOUT WORKING A GRAVEYARD SHIFT. under the guise of a pitch black sky, all manners of people started crawling around, hungry for something. and with you being a waitress at a diner, it was safe to say that you'd see a good selection of said people.

you didn't exactly work in the safest neighbourhood, and you've learnt that it's best to keep your head down while you took orders. the words avoid confrontation were pretty prominent in your mind when your eyes zeroed in on questionably coloured stains or bloodied hands. it wasn't your business, after all. and hey, some of them even tipped well.

it was a pretty good rule to follow. so in a way, you only really had yourself to blame for the following events that occured over the span of these last two weeks.

it had all started so ordinarily. you had been wiping down a freshly vacated table in an otherwise empty diner when you heard the chime of the front door as someone new came in.

"hi, how can i help y-" as your eyes caught up with your mouth, words died on your tongue as you took in the sight in front of you. a boy, wearing a shirt and tie, completely covered in blood from head to toe. if you looked past all the red, you could see his blond hair, and that he looked to be around your age.

"oh my god." you stood up straight, feeling panic set in as you saw just how much blood there was. "do you need me to call an ambulance?" the boy just shook his head, even smiling, before walking up to the counter and taking a seat.

"i'm good, can i just get a burger?"

that seemed so long ago. in reality, it had only been two weeks. against, your better judgement, you decided to take his order and leave him be. for the most part, anyway.

"what's your name?" you couldn't help but blurt it out. you had just set the burger that the boy had ordered down in front of him, and the additional question spilled out. his hands were already picking it up, but he paused and looked at you, mildly surprised.

"it's denji."

that information was like a key to open some floodgates, and it was a bitter memory of yours.

the food here must have been better than you thought, because denji was back. though this time the sun was still up, and his shirt and tie were devoid of any blood or guts.

you couldn't help your smile when you turned your head towards the ringing bell of the front door and spotted his familiar face. you finished taking the order of the family sat at the table in front of you, before sauntering over to where denji was. funnily enough, it was the exact same spot as last time.

"hey, stranger." denji perked up at your voice, almost like he'd been waiting for you. you smiled at the thought, taking out your notepad to keep your mind busy. "how can i help you?" denji smiled up at you, shamelessly.

"well, you could tell me your name. i never got it last time." he made you laugh, and you bit your lip as you tapped your nametag with your pen.

"it's right here, mister."

"i can't read."

you went bright red at that, feeling embarrassed about your blunder. the feeling only worsened when denji laughed at your face, resting his chin on one of his hands. you covered your face with your own, peeking out at him between two fingers.

"it's y/n," you mumbled, voice muffled by your palms.

as you sat curled in front of your tv, eyes widened in horror as you took in the content of the news report, you found yourself wondering whether denji was really as harmless as he let on.

“so, denji, what do you do?” your favourite customer was back, though it was just for a bowl of fries this time. he held one between his fingers, though his attention was still trained on you.

“what do you mean?”

you giggled, sliding into a seat next to him. it was late, and he was the only one left. with the cook out back for a smoke break, you were effectively the only two in the building. not that you minded.

“i mean, where else do you go when you aren’t here?”

“i’m a devil for hire.”

you thought he was just joking at the time, but with the news reporter’s voice rattling off a list of casualties, things seemed to be slotting into place. there was a bigger picture forming, and you didn’t like it.

the last time denji visited you while you worked, it was a lot more different than the other times.

for starters, his presence didn’t make a smile spread across your face. you almost dreaded the bell, and having to turn to see his cheery face and just act like everything was okay.

he was perceptive. the smile from his face dropped, and you approached his table on shaky legs.

“can i take your order?” your tone was a lot more clipped, completely devoid of any previous warmth. denji recoiled, like you had reached across the counter and slapped him. 

“are you alright?” his voice was tentative, and you were glad that there weren’t any other customers in the diner right now. it really had been just denji these past few days. and try as you might, you just couldn't bring yourself to hate him.

even if the news reports coming in every day spoke of the violence used by a chainsaw devil, one who was sat right in front of you, your head and heart couldn't make the distinction between denji and that thing.

"i don't know who you are any more." your voice sounded hollow, and the blond boy's eyes widened in panic.

"y/n? what do you mean?" the panic in his tone sounded so genuine, so human, and it was messing with your head. surely, he was anything but.

"the news, denji. i hear stories of some chainsaw devil mowing down so many people. it's you, isn't it?" the boy was silent, now, and it spoke louder than any words could. you felt your pen and notepad slip from your grasp, one of your hands covering your mouth as you felt your lip tremble. as if moving on strings, you started staggering away from denji's seats, feeling tears start to well up in your eyes as it dawned on you.

"i'm sorry," denji tried. he was out of his seat by now, torn between wanting to go to you or respect the fact that he was the last person that you wanted to see right now. you shook your head at his outstretched hand, vehemently, and denji withdrew it like you had slapped him.

you couldn't bring yourself to look into his eyes.

eyes that had been so delicate and warm when you first met him, and then kept meeting him. eyes that lit up whenever you spoke to him, ones that you never thought belonged to a murderer.

eyes that now looked like they had been extinguished as denji nodded, an air of finality to the motion.

you could only watch his back as he headed to the door, not even giving you a second glance as the bell chimed and the door slammed shut behind him one final time.

take a look at the menu - ,, 🫀 ·˚ ༘ ꒱