#brb feeling inspired enough to write

[spasmsofthought]

you kiss me in your car (and it feels like the start of a movie i’ve seen before) (brb x fem!reader)

I don’t really know what this is, but it’s an idea that hasn’t stopped playing in my head. This is a new style of writing for me, but it just seemed to flow the way it did. This is my first time writing for TGM, so I don’t know what I’m doing. Please let me know if you liked this! 

Inspired and influenced by the song Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine. 

Happy Valentine’s Day! 

Warnings: Angst, heartbreak, one curse word (i think that’s it?)

+ + +

There’s something about his smile that gets you the first time you see it. Bright but soft at the same time. It’s a little comforting, like the feeling you get when you’re almost home at the end of a long road trip. 

It happens slowly at first. 

He’s not one to open up.  Not at work, not at the bar. He’s friendly but guarded. Open but not vulnerable. It takes some time to coax a smile out of him, but then they don’t stop. 

He keeps his distance until he doesn’t. 

And then suddenly, it’s the way he begins to look at you when he’s almost had too much to drink. Vacillating between something warm and tender and a look so intense, you’re not sure if you’re ready for all of it. It’s the way he softly crowds you against the wall one night to ask you out. It’s the way you say yes. 

But it’s the way he pulls you into the kitchen when you get home from work and sways you to the song he hums underneath his breath, the lyrics he whispers in your ear. Your hands rest on his sturdy chest and you close your eyes as his arms wrap around you. 

It happens slowly at first, and then it’s all at once. 

It’s the way the slow dancing stops altogether and how you’re both just standing in the kitchen, saying nothing as you lean into each other. 

It’s the way his fingers skate down your arm, slow but not with enough pressure to be ticklish. And it’s the way he holds onto your hand right before he falls asleep. It’s the way his hands tangle in your hair as he rolls on top of you to kiss you. It’s the way he brushes the hair behind your ear when you turn to face him as you lay down next to him. 

It’s the way he asks you to call him Bradley when it’s just the two of you. It’s the way his name comes out of your mouth so naturally, like it was always meant to. Like you were always supposed to happen.  

And it’s the way he keeps you closer to his side when you go out. The way his hand rests on your thigh as you sit in the passenger seat of his Bronco. It’s the way he kisses you in your car. It’s the way he finds you in the most crowded room in just a few seconds. 

It’s the way he waits for your legs to swing across his when you sit on his couch and it’s the way you iron his uniform shirt in the morning while he makes coffee. It’s the way he makes sure your door is locked when he picks you up for work some mornings. It’s the way he kisses your neck and tries to shove you out the door when he thinks you’re taking too long. 

It’s the way you keep him on his toes and it’s the way he makes you laugh, belly-deep and sides aching. It’s the way he fiddles with the keys of the piano when he thinks you’re fast asleep. It’s the way you say nothing but feel everything. It’s the way he seems to understand. 

It happens slowly at first, and then it’s all at once, and then there’s nothing. 

As easy as it was to come together, it’s apparently just as easy to fall apart. The things you don’t know about him suddenly create a gaping canyon in your relationship (if that’s even what it is). 

It’s a distance he refuses to let you cross. 

It’s the way he packs up, asks you to give back your key to his place, and gets assigned to another base without saying goodbye. And it’s the way you sit on your couch, a glass full of wine, trying not to cry. It’s the way he seems to move on like none of it means anything. 

And it’s the way you have to piece back your broken heart together by yourself. 

It’s the way the nights are long, the bed feels too cold. It’s the way your kitchen is too quiet. It’s way everything feels too big now, too full of empty space. 

It’s the way you have to get used to not hearing his voice in your ear when you fly. It’s the way you open your door to an empty home and have nowhere else to go. It’s the way you can’t stand to drink beer anymore when you liked it well enough before.

It’s the way the rest of your squadron catches onto the fact that you don’t want to hear updates about “Rooster” like the rest of them do. It’s the way you deploy and have to get used to being someone else’s wingman. 

It’s the way you want to leave him behind but can’t seem to let the memories go. 

It’s the way you walk into the hangar on the first day of your newly assigned special detachment in California and zero in on him immediately. It’s the way he looks the goddamn same as he did before. It’s the way he wears his flight suit. It’s the way you still don’t know whether to be angry or sad. It’s the way you still don’t forgive him. 

Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw hasn’t seen you yet, but you know it’s only a matter of time before he will. You have to push down the instinct to hide, to fade into the back of the room like the wallflower people generally think you are. 

Slowly but surely, everyone introduces themselves to you. 

And when you find yourself in front of him, the very last person in the room yet to greet you, you stick out your hand and say, “Nice to meet you.” 

And it’s the way there’s some kind of emotion that floats in his eyes, but you don’t know how to read it. You’re not even sure if you want to. 

He shakes your hand. His mouth opens slightly as the handshake ends. 

It’s the way you don’t let him say anything as you let his hand drop from yours and you turn around and walk away. 

[sweetpascal]

okay okay, let me preface by saying i am sure you are kinda tired of seeing my comments and thoughts but i just need to praise you for your work because WOWWW. i am immensely thankful i was lucky enough to find your work and i am inspired by your fr girl!! 💌 you are so so talented and your writing speaks to me, like i fear we share some trauma related kinks or something (let me not assume but baby i know a daddy issues chick like the back of my hand) and all that aside you really create work catered to the freaks like us and i humbly thank you for that!!!

you’re amazing for writing updates daily too??? insane!! i struggle writing 2k words in an hour 😩 i hope you’re staying rested and not prioritizing this series too much although we appreciate you so so so much for it 🙂‍↔️

now if i can speak on day 4… oh my gof. God. the girls that get it, get it. you did not go over board. you did dark joel how he is supposed to be. DARK. mean as fuckkkk. traumatizing. and i thank you for it 🙏 not many have the guts to do so. and you did it so well i can’t stop stressing it!! every aspect, the intense spanking punishment, the unwilling asphyxiation, the food control, the spit kink? i need to go think about this for a while. it’s almost 4am and u got my mind reeling!!!

i’ll stop now but thank you again ally for your beloved work ‼️🩷

OH MY GOD. i am very emotional and i caught a stomach bug today, so brb while i cry my eyes out from your sweet, sweet message 🥹🥹🥹🥹

and yes, i am the ambassador when it comes to daddy issues. all the trauma ?? oh lordyyyy. my obsession for older men is definitely.... um ... concerning 😭 BUT knowing all these depraved baddies share the same thoughts makes me feel more at home HAHA

AND ALSO, PLEASE NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR ALL THE COMMENTS AND THOUGHTS YOU SHARE. i literally eat it all up, kicking my feet and giggling when i read yours and everyone else's 🥹🩷 i've had a thought in my head seeing the comments where i'm like, "all of you are some horny hoes that need therapy." and then i'm like, "oh wait... SO DO I." HA.

[snarky-bee]

10, 13, 40, 51, and 59 for her royal pinkness 💖

BRB changing my discord tag to her royal pinkness

10. what inspired this character’s creation? I was watching Buffy and spun off of a similar idea where in the show, there's this demon who can bestow people with the powers of a vengeance demon, which made me go oh hey thats like a warlock patron! The concept was from like 2021 when I was both watching critical role daily and watching buffy with Liv so really everything I thought about was Liv, buffy the vampire slayer, and critical role campaign 2.

13. what are some motifs you associate with them? did you intentionally bring in those motifs, or did it happen over time?

Above all else, love. Abandoning home, abandoning self, in the pursuit of love, in the pursuit of *something* more than what currently is emptiness. When love becomes a pursuit of vengeance (uwu). Also the general feywild motifs reflecting in Moxie, that bright pretty colours hide dangerous insides and darkness. These were definitely intentional, and I think in fleshing out certain parts of backstory that I hadn't wholly filled in, I managed to strengthen those motifs even more. (this is so my way with characters. i have a basic outline, and find I can add richer detail the more I get to know them through writing/being them)

40. if you had to remake this character right now, how would you change them?’

I think I would have leaned more into Charlatan background instead of focusing so much on what Moxie was doing before The Horrors. It completely fits what she was up to in her pre-ayla years, and the bonuses from it would have been nice from it. That's one of the parts I didn't fully write out, just a general idea, and built it up more later BECAUSE she was so instantly the queen of white lies. and im like yeah that actually makes perfect sense here.

51. what element of their backstory are you proudest of?

Childhood and how it ties into overall Exandria lore for sure. I was sooo damn pleased with myself from managing to connect a couple different area specific things to Moxie, and how that ties into her family being Like That and her leaving. It hasn't fully come up yet but I personally do enjoy it all for my own sense of place for my character in the world.

59. what’s an element of their philosophy that you disagree with?

Chase Pleasure, Avoid Pain

I'm just better at sitting with and feeling and working through painful things. And in general, avoiding shit constantly is annoying to me. I like to be silly and chaotic, but I'm not chaotic enough to make life decisions and big things based on what's the next feel good thing and how can I avoid the Bad Shit indefinitely. Dealing with the negatives head on is better in the long run.

[uwurakax]

I am re-reading ghostin and on chapter 4 at the end I could not get that "all I wanted was YOUUUUUUUU" tiktok trend out of my head and now I am ✨sad✨

(also, the whole texting a dead love one's number may have inspired me 💗😘) brb gonna go cry. ✌

-📝

i've tried to go back and reread, i cant, like wtf was i thinkinggg. this is what happens when u randomly word vom at like obscene hours in the early mornings with little to no sleep like 💀💀

absolutely not, i embarrassed myself lmaoo

right person, not enough time hits different yk yk

im honestly not sure how i want to continue the ghostin smau and ive been thinking for a LONG TIME, in the early days of me starting the smau to actually abandon the smau and just write it as a fic. i was just too lazy to put it into words so the smau was created but im lowkey regretting it a bit LOL

if you ever finish/feel comfortable sharing it id love to read it my loveee! 💕

i love depresso espresso hours - my mood we'll cry together ❤️

[prettyheung]

ayo

i just watched rocky’s mv and ayo??? they look so fine???

feeling hella things kadkajjdas

[shingia]

If this sparks some inspiration go ahead and write about it💀🤝 but anyway noya and hinata are the type of boys to follow u everywhere. And when ur cuddling if u get up to go pee you could tell them “I’m going pee brb” they would come with you. Like the bathroom could be in the next room and they would still follow u like a lost puppy

✗ HQ BOYS FOLLOWING YOU EVERYWHERE

ok but this DEFINITELY sparks some inspiration thanks bae <33 i added bo and atsumu because they’re obviously clingy af too

-> atsumu, bokuto, hinata, noya

-> slightly suggestive stuff for bokuto if you squint very very hard

— ATSUMU

atsumu isn’t a grumpy boyfriend, but waking up in an empty bed is always enough to put a frown on his face, that only the feeling of his arms finding your waist again can erase. « why did ya leave ? » he asks, entering the kitchen from where he just heard your voice. you’re quick to shush him with a finger over your mouth, the last thing you need is for your boss to hear him on the other end of the line. but right now, atsumu could not care less about your boss. slowly but surely, he makes his way towards you, only stopping once his forehead is pressed against your shoulder. you cover the speaker of your phone with one hand - ready to protest, but he reads your mind before you can even speak. « ’m not moving » he sleepily mumbles while turning his head to rest his cheek on your shoulder, his sleepy eyes lovingly looking at you until the end of your call

— BOKUTO

bokuto’s head has been resting in the crook of your neck during the entirety of the movie you decided to watch in bed, which is why he immediately tenses as you start to wiggle out of his embrace. « i’m going to take a shower, then we can get started on dinner, ok ? » you tell him, hoping that the kiss you’re placing on his forehead will be enough to make him nod in agreement. but it doesn’t. you expected him to protest and hold on tight to your arm to pull close again, but you definitely did not expect him to ask if he could join you. « seriously, kou ? » you sigh, making your way to the bathroom with a chuckle. « no, i meant ‘can i stay in the bathroom while you shower ?’. that way i can keep talking to you » he explains in a pleading tone, before grabbing your hand and taking the lead to the bathroom. and indeed, he spent your entire shower talking to you sat on the cold bathroom floor, holding a towel tightly against him to make it warmer for when you get out

— HINATA

doubt starts to settle in hinata’s mind when he watches you roll off of him to your side of the bed before slowly getting up. did he say something wrong that made you mad ? did he forget that you had something planned this afternoon ? but he misses the way your hands were running up and down his arms too much to stay still. « what are you doing ? » you ask him, feeling his presence behind you. he looks at you with hesitant eyes, maybe you are mad. « um... what are you doing ? » he asks in return. a smile plays at the corner of your lips, and it almost makes him sigh in relief. « getting some snacks, i won’t be long » you respond, turning back around to keep making your way to the kitchen. but hinata doesn’t care about being in bed if it’s not with you ; and soon, you find yourself engulfed in a back hug that’s just loose enough to let you walk. and although he is struggling to walk behind you, you already know he’s not going to let go of you until you’re back in that bedroom

— NOYA

« hey don’t mov- NO ! YOU RUINED IT ! » noya dramatically exclaims when he feels you turn around in his arms. « we’ve never been so comfortable while cuddling why did you- wait. are you actually leaving ? no, hey, i’m sorry ! i wasn’t really mad ! ». a giggle escaped your lips as you read the obvious worry on his face. with a quick squeeze of your hand in his, you assure him that you only have to pee before making your first step in direction of the bathroom. but your hand that was supposed to naturally slip out of noya’s is held back by his fingers wrapping a bit tighter around your palm. « alright, let’s go then », he smiles enthusiastically, standing up straight in a split second. « what do you mean ‘let’s go ?’ » you repeat, raising a confused eyebrow at him. « babe, there no such thing as individualism in a couple. we’re in this together » he tells you very solemnly before pulling you towards the bathroom, « now come on, we don’t want to keep your bladder waiting ! »

🏷 taglist : @toworuu @catwithangerissues @miyumiya @livy384 @k0u-minamo2 @fullsundear @hsjvwq @boo-marie @hiraeth-z @velvetvirgos @kohi-zeri @viridevi @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @geektastic84 @japanesevenom @catb6y @idontlikeyourjob @seiri-ami

[woahsehun]

♡ boyfriend jaemin ♡

what I think jaemin might be like as a boyfriend

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disclaimer: obviously I don’t know jaemin lmao this is just for fun and if you disagree feel free to politely disagree elsewhere ♡ but I mean comment if you want idc just pls don’t be mean to me I’ll cry

I also tried to keep it gender neutral but I am new to writing these types of scenarios and stuff so if you notice anything that I should change feel free to let me know :)

now back to our regularly scheduled programming

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• house husband boyfriend #1

• if he wakes up before you… would probably drink a cup of coffee before you get up, but would then make himself another with yours so you could drink them together (or if you drink tea same situation different beverage)

• is a big fan of waiting to do things in order to do them together

• another example would be: I think even if he was super hungry he would often hold off on eating dinner until you got home/to wherever he is so he can eat with you, because he doesn’t like the thought of you having to eat alone and always prefers your company anyways :’)

• y’all know that clip of him hugging jaehyun? yeah. would do that a lot, but not just a back hug, like the full on pajamas-morning breath-messy hair-half open eyes vibe. has his face against your shoulder so he can take a deep breath in to let the smell of your hair and clothes comfort him

• taking a quick break because I’m making myself go insane I think

• anyways

• takes pictures of you whether you’re aware or not (but not in like, a creepy way idk). will also force you to let him take pictures of you like that one video of him dragging haechan by the jacket so he could take pictures of him yeah that. hey, it’s not his fault you’re breathtaking

• of course he likes taking the aesthetic candid pictures of you, but his guilty pleasure? taking absolutely wack pictures of you eating and sleeping. hilarious. cute. lockscreen material in his eyes

• expect your cheeks to be squeezed. ya got cheeks? congrats! you get a squeeze. or maybe even a squish who knows. you do something remotely cute jaemin is all over it “ooohhhhwowowo my baby so cute” while you’re just cheeks compressed like (〃￣ω￣〃)

• may tease and nag but it’s out of love ahdhba

• would be a really good person to talk to about your mistakes/worrys or make mistakes around, because I think unless it’s something serious he would be great at calming you down and assuring you that everything is okay. seems like a big fan of “keep moving forward” and thinks sweating the small stuff is a waste of time almost

• maybe I think that because of his not-so-competitive nature most of the time but either way

• I feel like (if you had a day type job or were in college) he would enjoy seeing you off to work or classes if he has time. has your bag and/or drink ready and held out for you as you’re on your way out the door, but he wouldn’t let go of them without a goodbye kiss of course

• yeah I’m going insane again brb

• really appreciates anything you do for him whether it’s getting him coffee unexpectedly, visiting him at work (and if he’s having a hard time it just lifts him right up), rubbing his shoulders after a long practice, or even just the way you look at him is enough to satisfy his happiness quota for life

• because of this, like I mentioned before, he would try and do small things for you too. would wash your dishes or put away leftovers if you forget, would put your shoes by the door if you happen to kick them off elsewhere, sends you goodnight and good morning texts if you’re not together

• probably wouldn’t have much time to visit you at work or school, but would always try and call or text you during your break

• obviously just really affectionate and caring I mean we know this about him but I’m reminding us

• might pout it you reject his affection, but also kinda understands if you need space (even if he wants to hug you tighter than some skinny jeans)

• other than that I don’t feel like he pouts much I mean he trusts you and respects your thoughts and opinions idk what else to say about it

• probably admires you for your similarities and differences.

• I don’t even think it would depend on if you’re a hard worker or successful compared to others he just thinks you’re inspiring to him in your own right. I know people say he’s a member that definitely admires strong women, ya know based on his music tastes, and I for sure agree, but I also think no matter your gender identity he would just be in awe at your inner strength and it would help drive him in other things he does :)

• hello I’m back bc I had more thoughts so am making some edits lmaooo

• the type to make you lunch and leave little notes in it like “I love youuu”, “you mean the world to me”, “have a great day!”, “ooooh sexy”

• takes care of you really well even when you don’t ask for it like makes sure you eat enough and drink enough water, get enough sleep, take care of your mental health etc.

• which I also feel like means he can be stern sometimes, but it’s just because he really cares and doesn’t know what he would do if something happened to you

• that’s where the nagging comes in a bit like if you got sick “”tch tch tch* see this is why I told you you have to drink more water” as he absolutely babies the hell out of you

• if you’re laying on the couch or smth he’d probably just lay his whole body over you limp like a blanket until you tap out from being SQUISHED

• alright I think I’m really done for now so if I think of anything else maybe I’ll just make a part two

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♡ I feel like this was kinda short but that’s all I have for now so thanks to anyone who read this I guess, and I hope everyone has a great day/night! ♡

(✿◕ ‿◕ฺ)ノ``` bye bye ```

[opalescient]

haikyuu fic recs — the most beautiful, lovely, breathtaking masterlist (vol. I)

so i’ve been binging fics to cure my sadness, and i thought that these select masterpieces were too magnificent to not be plastered on every billboard ever. some tore my soul into shreds, while others melted said shreds back whole, but all of them made me feel some form of sheer, unadulterated love, so. please enjoy! 🥰⛅️✨

note: all of these fics are exquisite and you should read all of them, but if you’re short of time, those with ☆ are my all-time favourites!

daisuga

butterfly in the subway by bigspoonnoya ☆ | T

Sugawara Koushi has no idea he's already in love with the man he's supposed to hate.

i lovelovelove how all the concepts tied in together like a perfectly wrapped gift

also very wholesome, made me feel so inexplicably warm. like, love can exist everywhere!!! despite everything!!! that’s just so inspiring

i revisited this many times, i think it was (one of) my first haikyuu fics and honestly. it set the bar so high and i have no regrets

you’d fit my lonely arms so perfectly by boxofwonder ☆ | G

“Oh. You're. Not Asahi.”

Calmed down enough that he can speak again, Daichi takes a deep breath, his smile settling on his face easily and wide.

“Not as far as I know, no.”

-

Suga accidentally calls a stranger instead of his best friend, tells him all about his burned batch of cookies before realising, and that particular mistake might turn out the best one he ever made.

major, major fluff

the buildup!!!

god this made my yearning for love so much worse

the perfect stranger by downmoon | T

There’s a man standing outside Suga's door.

Scratch that. Start over.

There’s a man he doesn’t know standing outside his door, holding his sleeping nephew in one arm, with another kid clinging tightly to his free hand.

so domestic please read the entire series from start to finish it has my whole heart

shoyou and tobio as their actual kids 🥺

these two parents are so in love it makes me wanna cry

asanoya

silica sand by lilien passe ☆ | G

Overworked, over-stressed programmer Azumane Asahi works on the top floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper. Nervous around his coworkers and terrified of the long drop on the other side of the window, Asahi falls into a miserable routine, only to have it broken one day by a simple message on the outside of the glass.

PLEASE. so well-written it makes my heart glow and ache simultaneously

made me ascend into asanoya heaven

such a brilliantly unique concept i love it A+

qué syrah syrah by loudlucy | M

Asahi wants to be a Master Sommelier. It's the highest honor in wine service, and the certification would allow him to live the life he's always envisioned for himself. Too bad the certification test is notorious for being the world's most difficult.

Most people fail their first time taking the exam, and Asahi is no exception, but he has more difficulty than most dusting himself off and getting back on his feet. Enter Nishinoya, a young man who shares his same dream, and who believes in their goals so fiercely it forces Asahi to embark on a delicious and sensuous journey of viticulture and validation.

AKA The Wine Tasting AU that literally no one even knew to ask for.

NOTE: You Do Not Need to Know About Wine to Understand This Fic!

another super unique concept!!! (´∀｀=)

my god their chemistry is amazing

the writing made me feel things ngl

stop my bones from wondering by cerasi ☆ | T

After graduation, Asahi hides from the world and needs help from a few sources to find his way back.

i want to write sonnets and sing ballads for this fic, it’s that beautiful

as always, Top Notch Writing *chef’s kiss*

no but i seriously... can i kiss the author? asking for a friend 😳👉🏼👈🏼

iwaoi

star-crossed by starlitcities | T

“I never thought I’d see the day that I’d envy a human,” Oikawa admits, showering himself in tiny suns, because he can actually feels those, like a fusillade of warm kisses on luminous skin that leave marks. To humans, they’d be freckles. Skin stars, Oikawa calls them. He didn’t make that up, a human did.

“Who created the rule that we can’t touch, I wonder,” Iwaizumi ponders, floating heedlessly through space.

“Maybe it’s because we can fly. Humans dream of flying, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

gsjsgsjshsjshsjsj star!iwaoi

they’re LITERALLY STARS

beautifulbeautifulbeautiful i love how the author conveyed the beauty of touch and humanity 🥺🥺

please bless yourself further with the sequel sun-kissed

conquering the great king by suggestivescribe ☆| E

Iwaizumi blinked his gaze over to Oikawa, "Last time was supposed to be a one time thing," he said, voice low, lacking some conviction.

Oikawa's lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi's, "One time thing, Two time thing, what's it matter as long as it's not a Relationship thing?"

yes.

in fact, this entire series (breaking the rules) features daisuga, kuroken, asanoya and it’s SO GOOD. every single one.

but anyway, character development!!!!! plot!!!!!!!!! writing!!!!!!!! i’m here for it all

tsukkiyama

campfire in your chest by deanpendragon ☆ | M

Kei realizes in their second year of high school that he’s probably been in love with Yamaguchi since they were ten. However hopeless he might be in handling that situation, Kei prays he’s at least not as hopeless as Hinata and Kageyama. But he just might be.

SO BEAUTIFUL

i am also a sucker for anything with stars, moons and all the love in between

no words to describe this work of art please just go read it and be blessed

under the lilac tree by raewrites | G

there’s a lilac tree in Kei’s backyard.

gorgeous in its simplicity

softtsukkisofttsukkisofttsukki

not as grandiose as the rest but the love written into every word, action and character is absolutely show-stopping

kagehina

saffron and cayenne pepper by dontsaycrazy ☆ | T

Cooking is hard. Even if you have your very attractive, very grumpy neighbor there to help you.

-

In which Hinata's lack of cooking skills are a danger to him and others. Luckily (or not), Kageyama is willing to teach him, if only for the sake of avoiding any burned down apartments.

the essence of their characters were captured so well and yet it’s like they’re completely new characters too? author, whoever you are, you totally owned this

this made me ship kagehina so hard

fluff! cuteness! lots and lots of cooing!

kuroken

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony ☆ | T

soulmate

/ˈsəʊlmeɪt/ • noun

A person who was made from the same star as you.

-

// Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives.

ahhh here it is. beautiful, heartbreaking, soul-emptying agony. you want angst? choke on this, and your tears later on.

no but seriously please read this if you haven’t you won’t regret it at all i promise

written from kenma’s perspective so you experience every depth and multitude of emotion he does and it’s so raw and- brb imma go cry for a sec

knot in my heart by hearthope | T

There’s a picture. Kenma blinks, looking at the little calico cat, being held up next to the face of a guy with stupidly messy hair and a crooked grin.

Cute.

The— the cat. The cat is cute.

Just the cat.

-

Kuroo starts spending a lot of time at the flower shop Kenma works at. Kenma definitely isn't into him.

okay so i like it when authors unravel a normally stoic character’s full scope of emotion and give them depth, sue me.

anyway, back on the fluff train!

i absolutely f*ck with flower symbolisms, cats and bitchy best friends who have dirt on each other. the layers of romance, friendship and everything in between is so prettily developed 10/10

bokuaka

the jacket you never returned by daisuga ☆☆ | G

He leaned over, kissed Bokuto on the cheek, and smiled bitterly, eyes watery.

He will never remember. Not now, not ever.

What they were will now forever be forgotten.

-

"You used to call me Keiji, Koutarou."

YOU USED TO CALL ME KEIJI, KOUTAROU!!!!!!!!!!

i beg you to listen to Spiegel im Spiegel when it’s first mentioned in the story please

i read this and screamed through my tears for a solid 1.5 hours. i rarely cry.

no f*ckin regrets though i read this thrice already and it hurts so good every time

rules by conesofdunshire ☆☆ | E

In which Akaashi Keiji is an overworked accountant who stumbles upon Bokuto one night playing the piano in the lobby of his work. Bokuto is different, that much is obvious. But with such supreme musical talent and a smile so dazzling it rivals the sun, there's just something about him that brings Akaashi back every night.

this fic. this fic has my whole, broken, sobbing heart and laughing soul

gorgeous. breathtaking. magnificent.

bokuto is so WARM and akaashi is so STRONG and they both find the solace they need in each other and it’s all i want for me 😭😭😭

in another life by littleluxray | T

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

this is a famous fic that i doubt any seasoned haikyuu reader wouldn’t know, and RIGHTLY SO BECAUSE, the PAIN. the pain. the pain.

i could feel my lungs shrivel up and my chest cave in on itself. fatigue and rest are things i struggle with too so this whole story resonated with me from start to finish, and it broke me. in like, the best, most revitalising way

i would read this again but it still haunts me at night. i need to heal from the first time before i have the guts to try one more time HAHAHA 😆💔😭

tea-stained polaroids by dalyeau | G

“I'm gonna date that,” Bokuto declares solemnly, and Kuroo throws a plastic spoon at his head.

mmmmmmm pretty photographer + personalised coffee cups + cute baristas = diabetic fluff fic

i smiled so much throughout this you have no idea. cheeks achey but so good

i may have squealed a little at the ending

kurotsukki

moonfall by batman | T

There is no unlearning Tetsurou, after all. There is only leaving him.

-

(Five things of Tetsurou's that ended up in Kei's home, and one that never left.)

the writing!!!!!! is pure beauty!!!! sheer grace!!!!!!! the construction of the AU and the romanticism and hsjsgsjshsj

didn’t cry but. heart ache and bittersweet smiles are another level of misery that is just as fulfilling

yea just pleasepleasepleaseplease go read it thank you and have a good day

hidden gem by realmSpinner | E

Things get complicated when everything you thought you knew about a guy changes, and they get even more complicated when you actually start liking those changes.

That guy working with you AND becoming your neighbor? That's just a cherry on top of the cake of confusion.

this AU was refreshingly different, and amazingly so

top!tsukki??? sign me the f*ck up

the whole plot, man. perfection.

pings by barfs ☆☆ | T

[5/02/16, 3:50:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Please wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:50:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I hate begging. You know I hate it.

[5/02/16, 3:50:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I bet you’re snickering at that, wherever you are.

[5/02/16, 3:50:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But, it keeps hurting and I don’t know why and it feels like shit and I know you could tell me why, but you’re not here and I would really appreciate it if you’d just wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:51:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re laughing at that too, aren’t you.

[5/02/16, 3:51:10 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Dying is probably up there in the list of top ten shitty things you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of shitty things.

god.

you already know what’s coming, and yet. when it comes.

how the f*ck did the author make grief beautiful????????? (at the expense of me dying along with kei and everyone else i guess)

this fic will ruin you and bury you under all your pain (i hope you’re ready)

but also put you back together with the “sequel”

kyouhaba

close to the chest by darkmagicalgirl | T

It takes Yahaba thirteen years to realize he's different from the other kids, one to figure out how to hide it, and two more to learn to be happy just the way he is. Yahaba's journey ft. an extremely annoyed Kyoutani, best friend in the world Watari, and loads and loads of good senpai Oikawa.

cause i’m (not) alright with the slow, burn~

no fr, take slow and burn very seriously

overthinking yahaba? i understand. i do.

again, such an amazing fic; 10/10 recommend

safe here by crossbelladonna ☆ | M

“Raids are routine work,” Kyoutani tells to Yahaba before he can air the question. “Sometimes there is no sleep done until we accomplish something, say kill a certain ghoul. I guess they’re still going through the possibility that people in the accident are still alive huh?”

Yahaba quirks a smile, pushing his mask up his head.

“You’re alive.”

Kyoutani looks at him intently and all of the things that they’ve gone through for the past month seems to flash in his mind.

“Yes I am.”

i haven’t watched tokyo ghoul but i understood everything perfectly. such is the power of f*cking kickass writing

*cue ugly crying and a lot of unresolved angst*

like the grief??????? ruin me please thank you 🙏 (i think i’m a little masochistic)

rare pairs

mannequin men by surveycorpsjean ☆ | M

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tuskishima]

The modelling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.

In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.

i did not expect this to be good, and it wasn’t. it was SPLENDID.

akaashi is so enamoured with them from the get go i love it

a tiny bit of angst that stabbed me in the heart, but the happy ending soothed it (thankfully, because if there wasn’t one i will sue)

characterisation, writing, plot development; everything is great. can you tell i’m running out of synonyms for ‘beautiful’

feel like gold by heronfem ☆☆ | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/kenma]

In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.

Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.

e.e. cummings?? poetry??? f*ck yes

so beautiful. i’m so star-struck by this fic it’s simply stunning

there are no words to fully capture how worth your time and heart and mind reading this fic is so please. do yourself a favour, and fall in love with this fic with me

the sky and guilt are the only feelings i have left by oopsthisisqueertoo ☆☆ | not rated

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo]

Akaashi is at his wits end. He feels nothing. He's quickly crumbling as a human being. He wants nothing but sweet release of death. In his fourth year of college he drafts a plan for his suicide. He is to graduate, publish writing for others to be inspired by, and slip quietly away. Shortly after, he meets a dog walker named Bokuto who asks him out and Akaashi reluctantly agrees. Nothing matters anymore and he treats Bokuto like an obligation. Until he's not anymore.

TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPTS & DEPRESSION

this was... this gutted me entirely and filled my body with too many shades of agony

arguably one of the best haikyuu fics i’ve ever read

so beautiful in the most painful way fathomable; strongly recommend

april to may by surveycorpsjean | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tsukishima]

They're an odd family.

The four of them? Parents?

But still, they're a family.

So they'll support each other until the end.

aaahhhhh third gym as parents 🥺

so much fluff. i also love april and may

they’re still so in love there’s love in every millimetre of this fic :”)

that’s it for now! i’ll add more if i come across anymore good fics. i hope you enjoyed this list! if you have any requests/fic recs, or if u just wanna chat, feel free to just ask! hehe 🥰 k aight bye~

[leyyvi]

that anon about your paychecks car scene just reminded me of a story I wanted to tell you !!

I really hope you don’t mind this specific story but i feel like you should know that your writings are most definitely inspiring to me and maybe other people in many, many ways

so uhh, idk if this is tmi for you but I have to spill!!! the other day I finally saw my bf again for the first time since like June ?? i think it was June but we weren’t even dating then lmao (we’re long distance rn, I should at least elaborate on that) BUT ANYWAYS

i drew inspiration from THAT SCENE/CHAPTER for what followed after our dinner date in his truck… *innocently whistles* 😗

but like Ley…your sex scenes are truly magnificent and so fucking hot and intense that they feel real you know?? so real that I just had to do it myself and idc how shamefully I should feel cause I really don’t and needed to tell you that your writing inspired a real life situation 😶

but okay, on another note, your writing is one of the best writings of sex and anything sexual as it is always the closest to the real thing I’ve ever read… BUT ALSO your dialogue and plot thickening is so amazing too, I just love how you’re able to do both and balance them well enough!! so much that I just had to experience that specific car scene lmao ahajwkskd I won’t go into detail though, I’ll save you from that at least ajajsksgha

now I can’t stop thinking of that chapter again…might have to go reread it hhuhgghhhgg brb

plsakj fkadh the way i was giggling while reading this omg?? i won't point out what parts of the story are derived from real experience bUT UMMMM THERE'S A FEW IN THERE so i'm glad it feels real!!

i love writing things that happen during sex like maybe levi's dick falls out mid thrust and it rams a lil too hard against you and he has to take a sec to recover! maybe someone makes an embarrassing noise when switching positions and gets flustered about it and needs reassurance for it! i think those things really make reading it an ~experience~ and im all for romanticizing moments like that.

it takes a lot of energy for me to write like im putting a microscope on super intimate moments like that but god the payoff is always so worth it imo. if there's one thing im proud of its definitely the sex scenes in that story. it's not even because they're hot but because im proud of the way i wrote the characters and how they interact in those scenes on an emotional level idk dgjkhdfj

like i know i tend to get really wordy, and i end up spending entire chapters on those scenes alone almost but i want those scenes to feel like you're really in them ya know? ive probably said that before but oh well lol. ANYWAYS IM VERY FLATTERED YOU TRIED TO REPLICATE IT AND ALSO SLIGHTLY ENVIOUS. god getting your message just really makes me excited for updating, i hope people like it as much as i do :( it's a very emotional chapter for me if not a tad personal dfkjhsdgjkd

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 462 - Forgot Maduke existed between this and the last post so I got whiplash seeing him 🧍‍♀️

- Ah yes Ashleen's parents. Muzaka and Erin... and Raizel. My guy's just standing there with a tiny gentle smile watching Muzaka play with her jajsjskks.

- Gonna go cry about Raizel watching the sunrise together with Ashleen after doing so alone for who knows how long. Brb. Hits worse if you think that he probably used to watch it together with his family. You know. Before they all died.

- Yeah Muzaka, go feel like shit about hurting Raizel. Not really your fault this time but still.

Chapter 463 - Raizel panicking because of Frankenstein,,, just neuter your dog already smh. Speaking of which, Frankenstein definitely books an appointment for the puppy in noblesse S to get neutered once he's old enough.

- All your warriors are dead bro. Your speech is uh. Not inspiring. Go die of embarrassment Maduke.

- No, do not respect Frankenstein, Kei. That is a very slippery slope. Look at Rayga. He respected Frankenstein and see what a shitty father he was! Sure the two points have 0 correlation or causation but I still think it's relevant.

Chapter 464 - Ah yes stage 2, actual werewolf.

Chapter 465 - Mvp lord complimenting Muzaka when Raskreia asks about him lol. "He's the strongest werewolf lord in history and yet he isn't a tyrant! Isn't that amazing? I mean, what a statistical surprise! Most of his people are genocidal maniacs after all haha. Also he's Raizel's friend uwu" Like he didn't say most of that but I feel like it's implied.

- Maduke telling Muzaka he was behind Ashleen's death is hilarious like okay give him a power boost. Oh you don't think that's possible? Go watch some fucking anime asshole.

- As for the traitors nobles being involved... Probably just Lagus with the others being informed that he was going to help pit Raizel against Muzaka since it's difficult to imagine the others either caring enough to get involved, or being okay with killing a kid (Roctis specifically).

- No but what does 'Your daughter's mother was also created by the humans' even mean??? Like they grew her in a tube? They got some random lady to play the role? They put some makeup on Urokai since he's the only redhead around aside from Garda and then grew Ashleen in a tube? Or just MuzakaxUrokai crack which reminds me that this is in my to write list? So many questions. Regardless, I like to think that Erin genuinely fell in love with Muzaka.

Chapter 466 - I like how in one panel Ashleen is as tall as Muzaka's ass and in the next his pecs. Inconsistent <3

Chapter 467 - All Maduke had to do was accept Muzaka resigning and he could have genocided humans no problemo but his pride made him do it the shitty way.

- Ignoring that it's probably just shadows for emphasis... so his blood's coating his eyeballs? That can't feel good.

- Being able to sense power levels is a seventh or eighth sense in Noblesse I swear. Just say you're losing energy or that you feel weak or pained, not that you're losing power. What are y'all? Laptops? Machines?

- So the artificial bloodstones increase in size when activated right? After all, they surge out of the chests of those containing them. I like to think that's only an artificial bloodstone thing and that the genuine ones retain their size regardless of situation. Also tbh... the artificial bloodstones are completely different from the genuine ones in utility. I mean, the genuine one is only shown being used to boost the power of the user compared to the artificial ones that can absorb power actively from people and also transmit said power to a host/alpha bloodstone and thus to whoever is using it. It does make sense considering the genuine one seems to have formed over an extremely long time from the excess desires that leaked out of people, so it's a crystal, while the artificial ones are moreso containers/tech to do that immediately. Funnily enough, this means that artificial bloodstones wouldn't make you cuckoo until you used them since the container prevents anything from leaking out compared to a crystal which is constantly exuding fumes or whatever the equivalent is for concepts.

Chapter 468 - Stage 3, digimon. Yes I make this joke every time I liveblog and am the originator of said joke. No I'm not tired of it.

- Obsessed with Raskreia not reacting to half the revelations here like yeah she doesn't care, she's not invested in this shit, she only came to avenge Rajak, please stop dragging things out and bringing up drama she's not involved in. It's very rude.

- Raskreia 🥺

Chapter 471 - I like how Maduke's dead and Rozaria is still missing. Rip queen.

[kayfabekelpie]

Okay I'm posting this before I change anything else because I'm not going to be happy with it if I do. You ever have a character you can write ABOUT with some confidence but don't know how to write FOR? Anyway, for no related reason, I'm gonna go fight a skeletwink brb

2k word rambling thoughts on TMAEW No Fear Darby and what it means to fall. Darpunk. @sybilius @electricshoop

As always I'm playing fast loose and feral with canon vs fanon vs my own interpretations so here's an outline of what inspired all of this/the thoughts I was trying to work out/my base assumptions wrt How Things Work:

Avatars can chuck people into their realms at any time for any reason with or without consent (I'm 89% sure that this is true in the actual pod but I can't remember for sure/what the specifics were)

People touched by an entity who have had their fear removed can experience everything about those realms except the fact that they're supposed to be scared (I think this is confirmed by Georgie but I'm not For Sure)

Avatars of the Eye can see all parts of someone's thoughts/mindscape, not just their fears (again I feel like I remember this from the pod but that may just be fanon/porn handwaving that I'm confusing for canon and tbqh if I'm wrong on this I don't wanna be right. Mostly for porn reasons)

When Darby takes Punk to the "nothing" it's basically Punk Eyeing himself into Darby's head and then Darby trying to feel fear and he can't!! There's nothing!! What's that like because I'd like to know!! I am living through the year 2021 and scared of everything!!

Darby is functionally using lucid dreaming techniques to put himself in a nightmare scenario for fun and we love that for him

Avatars cease to be human after a while. (Also canon but not sure on the Mechanics of it all and what being not human even means)

I don't know if the green eyes thing was strictly MAG because [spoilers] or if it's an inherent aspect of the Eye but I'm here choosing that it's an Eye thing (there's something there wrt green eyes and envy and being able to see into other peoples' heads/the Eye's whole observation without participation thing but that's a thought for another time) (idek if green eyes was canon or another bit of fanon that we've all just Accepted but if I saw a fanart of Jonathan Sims The Archivist without green eyes I'd be hard pressed to figure out who he was)

I have a lot of Thoughts on whether the wand chooses the wizard on how someone is drawn to/adopted as a fear avatar but I'm working through them. Starting to figure it out was part of the driving force of this. I also kind of reference the start of a related Thought with the bit about Hangman. Tldr: 75% of Virginia is fucking EMPTY I have lived here for [REDACTED] years and I can confirm that there are places you can go here where you can be ALONE. Except for cows. Hashtag cowboy shit. 

I went to a funeral one time where the speaker started the whole shindig off by saying "death is impolite" and I think I took that to heart. It definitely fuels the way Darby sees the End, at the very least. That's a Thought for another day.

Also one time I had the Tower pulled during a reading about how someone important was going to perceive me and now I'm Defensive about the card and that has possibly Affected My Perception, but I wrote the bit about the tarot card reading and then the rest of this fell out.

He was told, once - some friend with a cheap tarot deck playing at mind reader - that the Tower is bad news. That it's change, it's alteration, a fall from grace. It's upheaval, a lightning strike - Lichtenberg figures branching through veins and burning from the inside out. It's supposed to be scary. When she pulled it from the deck, she'd waggled her fingers with a grin and an exaggerated wooooooo and pronounced him cursed.

Maybe he is. Maybe that memory, the first confirmation that there's something wrong with him and other people can sense it, that it's inherent enough for the random shuffle of cards to predict, is why when he's introduced to the Vast, to the potential to fall, something clicks. The threat of feeling. The confirmation that there's nothing inside of him. 

He isn't sure who first showed it to him - they all like to test him, whether or not he's lying about his fear being erased, whether or not it really was taken from him, cut off by an entity that claims a genteel nature and a sublime hand, who decided he was too young for that amount of fear and reached inside of him and touched - 

Well. Someone showed him the Vast at some point - he coffin dropped during practice and then just kept falling and falling and falling. He wonders how long they all stood there waiting for him to surface, to come up kicking and screaming and panicking before they started panicking themselves when he just...didn't. Who pulled him out of the illusion, and who freaked out when he told them to put him back? He can't remember, that part didn't matter as much as the buzz in his head and the desire to fall again. 

He figures out how to replicate it himself, build up the fantasy of the feelings, of the wind and the rush and weightless free fall. He crafts each aspect until there's a whole scene, a purpose, rather than just the feeling where terror should be. A tower - because despite what the Rider-Waite says, change doesn't have to be bad, stagnation seems just as horrifying - some old medieval fortress lost to time and built of stone that's trying to fall back to the earth miles upon miles upon eons below. He stands on the edge of a crumbling parapet and stares down and down and down, at the earth far enough below that the trees and grass and dirt blend together into an indistinct mess of color without shape or form. There is no lurch in his stomach, no tremble in his hands or heartbeat, just a surety that if he jumps, he will fall. Maybe he'll land. Maybe he won't. Neither option catches his breath in his lungs. He doesn't fear pain, or death, or an eternity of weightless anticipation. He doesn't fear anything. But here, on the edge, it's the closest he comes to it, to understanding what makes them all tick, why they all simper and scheme to their chosen entity. 

No one else understands him, though. Some pretend to, but most just can't muster how he can feel nothing. He tries for Sting, and Sting tries for him, offers to put him underground and Bury him. Darby agrees, finds himself under miles of earth and rock, lying prone in the dark and with the weight of everything that's ever been crushing down on top of him. He feels nothing, but he does get a spectacular nap out of it - turns out dirt is the best weighted blanket. When he tells Sting, his mentor looks the worst combination of surprised and disappointed but pats him on the shoulder anyway.

He tries others, too. Malakai's darkness is pressing in a way that isn't the Buried and isn't anything else. It's as close to nothing as any of them get, and there's a quiet understanding that passes between them. The Bucks like to lock him in a maze and try to taunt a response out of him by changing the walls and the colors and the layout, making fractals dance in front of his eyes to distract him, but he just takes a stroll until they get bored and release him. 

(The only thing that even slightly affects him is the Lonely. He's not sure if Hangman even means to do it, but one second they're in an elevator together at some hotel and the next they're not. He's alone. There's trees all around him, but they thin out to his left, and there's empty, rolling fields of green, blue skies and fluffy clouds, and complete and total silence. Page pulls him out after only a few moments that seem to take an eternity, rushes an apology past him and hustles out of the elevator. The experience leaves Darby - not scared, because he's not capable of that, but unsettled. The one time Kenny had dropped him into a Lonely fog with a quirk of his lips and a blink, it hadn't been...that. it hadn't been empty. Just lonely. He doesn't talk to Page much anymore.)

The tower is his favorite, his haven. It's where he ends up most nights, most times when he needs to silence his thoughts or focus or just be. Sometimes he jumps and falls and falls and falls until he surfaces back in the waking world. Sometimes he waits for sleeplessness to tip him over the edge, for the fun of the surprise when it happens. Sometimes he just sits on the edge, feet kicking into the empty air, and drifts. The wind is so loud that everything else seems easier to deal with. 

The first time Punk comes into his head, Darby's just considering whether falling sounds nicer than hoping for anticipation to happen to him when someone grabs the back of his shirt and yanks him away from the edge, pulls him against a warm body, a voice shouting panicked in his ear. It takes him a second to recognize Punk.

"What the fuck," he says. 

"What the fuck!" Punk responds, and then he's gone. 

Darby jumps instead of thinking about it, about how Punk's hand felt like a brand on his wrist, his arm a shackle around his waist, how both felt like security. He falls until he wakes up, and avoids Punk's concern until he finally corners Darby in catering. 

"I thought you didn't feel Fear," he almost accuses.

"Wouldn't you know if I did?" Darby definitely accuses right back, and Punk shoves him away. 

He comes back eventually, days later. "Explain," he says from behind sleepless eyes, and Darby tries - when you don't have fear, you can choose what nightmares to try to give yourself - but he's never been good with words. He tries to show Punk, with Sting's dirt nap (Punk thrashes and screams and claws at the earth above him to try to get room to expand his chest, even when Darby tries to remind him that he doesn't have to breathe) and then with the dark finality of Terminus that even now he can fall into without much effort, that it in fact sometimes takes effort not to fall into, a haunting he can't escape from even if he isn't scared. That goes over even worse, and Punk isn't himself for a few days after. Darby forgets not everyone can look death in the eye without flinching. (He also worries a little that, maybe, it wasn't the End that put Punk off, but seeing the reason Darby calls himself half-dead, the entity that took a kid's fright and made it into another empty space inside of him. Maybe that was too personal. Darby's never been a good judge of these things.)

After that, he just gives Punk the empty void he feels naturally when he tries to summon a fear. Quiet. Stillness. Punk says it's relaxing, after everything else, everyone else, to peer into someone's deepest places and find nothing. He lays his head in Darby's lap or pulls Darby into him and it's easy. It's easy to fall into him, different from falling from his tower. This makes his heart beat in a way that the disinterest in impact never could and never will. There's no fear. But there's something else. 

One night, he tries to add to the nothing. Emptiness, as always, but the sensation of falling. A hand in his. Falling together. He thinks Punk finally starts to get it. 

When he wakes up, Punk's not breathing, and his heart is still. It's the closest to fear Darby has felt since the crash, since someone who was not EMS but who pretended to be looked him in the eye and cut him off, until Punk's eyes open and he comes to life. Not dead, just...other. He lies when Punk asks about it, or tells the half truth he understands, but keeps him close and keeps a hand - a brand, a shackle - around the other man's wrist so he can feel the thunder of his pulse.

It jumps when Darby touches him, smiles at him, and it kicks up double time when they kiss. If kissing is what keeps Punk's heart beating, keeps him that little bit human and that little bit away from the Eye, that little bit Darby's, then Darby is happy to kiss him. 

He's also just… happy to kiss him. 

He takes Punk to the tower again, eventually, but Punk won't jump. Darby does, watching Punk watch him, fading into the distance as he falls and falls and falls, but no matter how long he drops, what velocity he reaches, Punk is still the same distance away, perched on his hands and knees so the wind won't buffet him down too. Darby closes his eyes and thinks of the crumbling stone edge of the tower, and he's there, he's still. Punk startles and swears, and Darby smirks at him. 

"You fell," Punk says. 

"I fell," Darby confirms. Then, with a smirk, "So did you." 

Punk rolls his eyes and pretends to sock him in the stomach. Darby sells it, pretends to stumble back, miscalculates the distance and - 

Punk jumps after him before Darby can register that he's gone over the edge, before he can remind him that he's not actually falling, that this is all in his head and, by extension, Punk's head too. It's feeling, sensation, illusion - a dream - but he realizes in that moment that for Punk, it's real. That the detached fascination Darby feels for all of this is true terror for Punk. He reaches up for Punk's grasping hands, twines their fingers and pulls them together, chest to chest and cheek to cheek. They hit the ground at the foot of the tower with enough force to jar his teeth in his skull, and lay there as the dust settles around them. Punk is a shivering weight on top of him, so Darby has to bring them out, back to the hotel room, to the scratchy blanket and the give of the mattress, to things that are real to both of them. He holds Punk and wishes, for the first time, that he had even a little bit of the Eye's power, that he could understand how it works, so he could reach into Punk's head and find a way to reassure him. He settles for keeping the man in his arms until he stops shaking, and brings him a Pepsi from the vending machine to make him laugh. 

He doesn't mention the green in Punk's eyes 

He doesn't mention the heart that doesn't beat even when Darby climbs into his lap and yanks his boxers down. 

He just closes his eyes and lets nothing drape around them both. 

He doesn't go back to the tower again.

[mellowswriting]

it feels like I don't write enough for Din considering he's one of my favorite boys

I just love him so much, I want to write him all happy and content in life bc that's what my baby boy DESERVES

brb while I start scouring for some inspiration bc I miss my tin can man

[ofherlionheart]

tbh if u answer all of the q's for the boo chronicles i would love 2 hear it!!! im obsessed and am making all my friends read it. but like no pressure

anon ilysm. im aiming for a reasonable bedtime so i won’t answer all the Qs i haven’t done yet but!! i will absolutely answer some b/c im so touched that you enjoyed the boo chronicles enough to hound your friends about it 💛

7. Where did the title come from?

i’ve already babbled abt the fic titles being inspired by song lyrics, but wanna know very specifically where the series title came from?

“Good night, boo.”

i wrote this without rly thinking abt it early in part one, but then i had z call s boo in the next scene and suddenly it became not just A Thing but The Thing

10. Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

boring honest answer is that this was all born out of @zukkaweek 2021. the maybe-more-interesting answer is that, unlike other pairings i’ve written for, i feel like zuko n sokka work together b/c of their v specific canon contexts, not some semi-inherent sense of fitting together. the way their plots and growth converge and diverge in atla is what makes them a compelling pairing to me, so when i wanted to do a modern au take on them, i felt like i had to build a very specific world and story that would still lend to them growing to suit each other, rather than taking two dudes and plopping them in a coffee shop (which, for the record, i still did anyway. lol)

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story?

i didn’t listen to these artists/songs in order to ~get into the mood~, but this is what i was really into when i first began the series. was also going thru yet another mini identity crisis at the time so it’s not a coincidence that these are almost all AAPI artists

keshi – alternative/indie

AUDREY NUNA – r&b, rap

tobi lou (specifically Looped Up feat. VERNON) – hip-hop, rap

REI AMI (especially do it right feat. aminé) – anti-pop

hana vu – DIY

BTS

luke chiang – r&b, soul

brb. – r&b

14. Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

not when i initially started/published it—i was writing it for me and just hoped some people might like it. now, though, that i have some distance? hmm. cultural and racial identity strongly inform character even if a narrative isn’t “about race.” one of the kindest things you can do for yourself is surround yourself with kind people. love is as much in the grace notes as in the symphonic swell. theory of the humanities high academia flavor is, all at once, so fun and such bullshit and so important. 

also, everyone, pls listen to AUDREY NUNA. ‘damn Right’ features the slant rhyme “i chew like i’m pika/achu like paprika,” her collabs w/ jack harlow, SABA, and haeil are incred, and then, on top of her rap game, she’s ALSO capable of whipping out vocals like ‘Time’ and ‘Space’??? im so fckn in love

ask me Qs abt fics!

[kbstories]

impression//expression

“It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone.”

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Kamino Arc, Kidnapping & Aftermath, Hurt/Comfort, Bakugou Gets A Hug

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Content warning for kidnapping, aftermath of violence. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

Nitro!! (Baku 💣💥)

i’m gonna die (sent 19:08)

no seriously i’m this 👌🏻 close to losing it bro (sent 19:08)

aizawa’s voice is so zzzz and it’s like sir,, i’m begging,,,, (sent 19:09)

a little bit of energy. just a little bit (sent 19:09)

A nudge to his side, somewhat urgent.

shit brb (sent 19:10)

“Dude.”

Kirishima keeps his voice down to a hiss, shooting a glance at Aizawa’s turned back just in case. Hidden behind his pencil case, his phone shows Bakugou has read his messages – near-immediately, as always – before Kirishima locks the screen. His own face is reflected on sleek, innocent black.

Next to him, Kaminari is looking at him like he’s lost his mind. “Don’t dude me, dude”, he whispers back. “Texting in Aizawa’s class? D’you have a death wish?”

Next to Kaminari, Mina leans over her desk, clearly curious and uncaring of her notes crinkling quietly under her elbows. “You? Kiri, paragon of wholesomeness and sunshine, breaking the rules? Lemme guess, it’s because of Bakugou.”

Next to Mina, Sero joins the fray with a muted headshake. “So brave yet so reckless. Truly inspiring.”

“You can say that again. That guy’s scary, man.” That’s Kaminari again. He leans in conspiratorially, nodding at Kirishima’s phone. “You got Blasty’s number? How? He almost bit my head off when I invited him to the 1-A chat.”

“Uh, yeah? We’re besties. But guys…”

If they were anywhere else, Kirishima would let out a whine. All he wanted to do was keep himself awake by texting his bro, is that such a crime? Especially since Bakugou’s the only one of ‘em who is actually allowed out there, where the fun stuff is happening. It’s downright cruel to have a new challenge dangled in front of their eyes like the juiciest steak only to be dragged away to the equivalent of plain steamed broccoli. Or something.

Point is: Kirishima’s bored enough he could cry and Aizawa, bless his insomnia-plagued soul, is making it about a thousand times worse with his monotone mumbling while he continues to write whatever-the-fuck in chalk to illustrate his point.

Three mouths open simultaneously in what Kirishima knows will be a too-loud bout of teasing – a frantic gesture of his hand to shut up, shut up, shut up has identical grins bursting on his friends’ faces.

Grins that disappear the instant the familiar sense of Aizawa’s quirk washes over them. Uh oh.

Aizawa doesn’t even have to say anything. Not even a brief pause registers in his lecture yet Kirishima snaps to attention so hard his buttcheeks clench as he furiously scribbles down what’s on the board. Some sort of… diagram? (It’ll make sense later, Kirishima hopes. And if it doesn’t, there’s always his equally draconic tutor-slash-best-friend he can poke into helping him eventually.)

After a semester at U.A., everyone in 1-A is whipped enough that not a single word is breathed between them for a good fifteen minutes. Aizawa talks, they take notes.

Then the adrenaline wears off and Kirishima finds himself drifting once more, fingers automatically flicking the home button. There, over Crimson Riot’s confident grin, three new messages.

Nitro!! (Baku 💣💥)

pay attention (received 19:14)

ffs (received 19:14)

hope aizawa murdered your ass (received 19:16)

No surprises there. Well, the fact that Bakugou has deigned to reply just before a training exercise kind of is, and he even triple-texted which makes a sappy part of Kirishima’s brain think he must’ve rubbed off on him over the past months. The day Bakugou Katsuki discovers emojis can’t be far off now and it will be Kirishima’s greatest achievement to date.

He bites his lip to suppress an amused noise at that. Ignoring the incredulous stare from Kaminari to his right, Kirishima types.

Nitro!! (Baku 💣💥)

haha! i lived bitch (sent 19:32)

minus the bitch askdjfhsk sry (sent 19:32)

i’m just tired af lol (sent 19:32)

how’s things on ur end tho? (sent 19:34)

no asses left unkicked i’m sure (sent 19:34)

👊🏻💥💥 (sent 19:35)

Kirishima gets about a solid second to feel good about furthering his pro-emoji agenda before his phone is snatched away by rigid, white cloth. Wide-eyed, his gaze is met by a flat expression that exudes more exhaustion than any human should rightfully have to feel.

“Kirishima”, Aizawa says, as calm as ever. “How kind of you to lend me your attention.”

Lord have mercy. Whichever hell Aizawa is about to unleash on him, Kirishima will be in it for a while. And when that’s over, it’ll be Bakugou’s turn to have a field day with it.

Somehow, Kirishima is actually looking forward to that last part.

*

Then, a voice rings out in their heads. Aizawa jumps into motion. The villains strike.

Afterwards, all Kirishima can do is stand there and watch the forest burn. His phone is silent, held between fingers that won’t stop trembling no matter what he does. He unlocks, checks, locks, only to do it all over again a few minutes or seconds later.

Around him, everything is spinning out of control. Reality is too loud, too bright, already overwhelming where it waits to be acknowledged beyond the soothing green interface of his chat with Bakugou.

The messages are still there. Marked read until they aren’t, and Kirishima stares at that subtle difference like it’s the last thing tethering him to the ground. Blue tick, his best friend is fine. Grey tick–

Bakugou let Kirishima take a photo of him, once. Kirishima had complained about his profile picture being that creepy default silhouette, especially once they started texting on a daily basis. So Bakugou sighed and leaned over the tiny table of the café, his chin propped on one hand and his coffee in the other. He’d kept still just long enough for the shutter to go off and called him a clingy bastard right after.

In the soft morning light, there’d been something warm in his typical glare. It’s still there, tucked away in the top left corner of the screen. Fond, red eyes, looking straight at Kirishima ever since.

Higher and higher, the flames reach for the sky with greedy, cobalt fingers, bright enough to take the stars with them. And Bakugou?

Bakugou is gone.

*

Nitro!! (Baku 💣💥)

hey (sent 23:01)

it’s a long shot but (sent 23:03)

are u there? (sent 23:03)

these are going thru so ur phone is on and i thought (sent 23:08)

idk (sent 23:08)

please respond man (sent 23:37)

please (sent 23:58)

katsuki? (sent 00:40)

*

Nitro!! (Baku 💣💥)

fuck (sent 3:24)

*

Bakugou Katsuki

um (sent 6:13)

the pros asked for ur number to track it and stuff so i gave it to them (sent 6:13)

turns out almost nobody has it?? so like (sent 6:20)

if u want a new one after all this it’s on me (sent 6:21)

pls don’t be mad haha (sent 6:21)

fuck that actually (sent 7:05)

be as mad as u want baku (sent 7:06)

u can do whatever ok? when u come back (sent 7:09)

free pass. i won’t guard this time (sent 7:09)

just come back (sent 8:00)

they’re looking for u so u gotta come back (sent 8:02)

* 

Baku 💣💥

sry i just (sent 19:55)

ok still going thru (sent 19:55)

that’s good right? (sent 19:57)

i need it to be good (sent 20:05)

yeah (sent 20:06)

*

Baku 💣💥

it’s saturday (sent 2:33)

please be ok (sent 4:46)

i miss u (sent 5:00)

*

Baku 💣💥

we’re on our way katsuki (sent 12:45)

just hold on we’re coming for u (sending…)

wait (sending…)

oh (sending…)

*

Bakugou is quiet.

When all is said and done, injuries patched up and police statements given, Kirishima waits and Bakugou looks… tired. Small. Glancing back at the precinct with eyes a little too wide, a little too hesitant to truly belong to him.

Whatever he’s searching, if he finds it or not – Kirishima can only guess as Bakugou’s shoulders slump further and he mutters, “Let’s just go.”

In retrospect, he was probably talking to his parents. The Bakugous came for their son in a car as expensive as they come, white with chrome highlights and an interior clad entirely in tasteful, beige leather; it’s an aesthetic that’s the antithesis to Katsuki’s. Their expressions are full of love, though, brows drawn in concern carefully left unspoken. His father opens the back door for him first, going for his own in the front, while his mother ruffles Bakugou’s hair within the one-second-window he allows for the touch before shrugging it off.

“Welcome back, brat. We missed ya.”

Familiar phrases laden with far too much weight. From the outside in, it’s just that: Mildly exasperated parents picking up their kid after some school thing that dragged on into the night, or perhaps a late hangout with a friend. No one acknowledges the nightmare-ish three days they’ve left behind by the merit of time passing and the world spinning on and nothing else – the countless people injured or dead, an entire district torn asunder in a conflict much bigger than any of them, especially Bakugou.

Bakugou, who shuffles onto the backseat without saying much of anything. It’s only after Kirishima trails after him and Bakugou’s eyes meet his own over his shoulder that Kirishima realizes that’s what he’s doing.

Then Bakugou’s gaze softens and he kicks the door of the car open wider. “Um”, Kirishima pipes up, the noise of keys clinking together drawing his attention to one Bakugou Mitsuki. “Is it okay if I…?”

She snorts and ruffles his hair, too. “Kid, after what you did tonight, a ride home is the least I can do for ya. C’mon.”

Kirishima bows politely, a mumble of “Thanks, ma’am” waved away immediately. A moment later, Kirishima’s hand is being grabbed and he’s dragged inside. “Get a move on”, Bakugou mumbles, staring pointedly until Kirishima rights himself and digs for the seatbelt with his free hand. The click of the clasp snapping in is oddly loud in the ensuing silence.

It doesn’t last. The moment the engine purrs to life and the lights go off, a heavy guitar riff screeches from cleverly hidden speakers in perfect surround sound and Kirishima jumps. He’s the only one in the car to do so.

“Whoops, my bad”, says Bakugou’s mom as she turns the music down the slightest amount, her smirk – so familiar and yet not – clearly visible in the rear-view mirror. Next to her, Bakugou’s dad chuckles and shakes his head.

Bakugou himself is turned towards the window, the hand against his chin barely hiding the tiny smirk there. Kirishima lets him have it. Anything that’ll replace that lost expression from earlier is good in his books.

“So. Eijirou, right? Nice to finally meet ya.” Mrs. Bakugou checks in with him via the mirror. Her hand rests on the gear selector. “Where to? We’ll bring you home first. I’m sure your parents are worried.”

And oh fuck, Kirishima hasn’t even thought that far ahead yet. When he snuck out of the house a lifetime ago, all his mind was able to process was getting to Bakugou, saving Bakugou, bringing Bakugou back. As much as both his mothers are angels in their own right, they’re also easily worried and twice as buff as him. There haven’t been many occasions which called for them to throw down for their son but they totally would if given half the chance.

If they catch wind of even a fraction of what Kirishima got up to tonight, someone will have to pay. Kirishima’s willing to bet his most prized, limited-edition Crimson Riot figurine that that someone will end up being all of U.A., nationally famous pro heroes or not.

Before any of that can make it out of his mouth, Kirishima’s hand is squeezed and… Oh. Bakugou’s still holding it. Their skin isn’t touching; Kirishima’s sleeve has been pulled down to prevent that.

(It’s one of those things Bakugou does, tracking who and what gets in direct contact with his sweat and how to neutralize it in time. It makes Kirishima’s chest ache that, despite everything that happened, he is still aware of small things like that.)

“He’s crashing at ours tonight”, Bakugou tells his parents rather gruffly. Still looking out the window like there’s nothing unusual about that at all, and Kirishima gapes at him in complete and utter surprise. Bakugou’s grip only tightens.

“Got a problem with that?”

Just like that, Kirishima finds himself able to process speech. “Nope! Not at all. Uh, that is– Mrs. Bakugou, Mr. Bakugou, can I?”

Bakugou’s parents look similarly caught off-guard. To their credit, they merely blink and look at each other, shrugging. Again, it’s the mother who speaks. “That’s Mitsuki and Masaru to you, kid. Let’s go home, then.”

And that’s that. They set off, the car’s movement a quiet thrum that’s drowned out by complicated drum solos and vocals barely scraping past outright growling. Any other day, Kirishima would’ve been ecstatic to finally get to meet the Bakugous. He’d hoard bits and pieces of knowledge about them – such as the fact that Katsuki’s taste in music runs in the family, what the hell – like a dragon does gold coins. The notion that Bakugou invited him to their first sleep-over ever would be the biggest treasure on that pile, for sure.

Because Bakugou Katsuki is anything if not cautious: with his quirk, with his time, with his trust. Because, after days of pacing his room and worrying himself sick and crying until exhaustion took him out, their plan worked.

They pulled it off, Bakugou is back and alive, and Kirishima’s allowed to stay by his side a little bit longer.

He’s here because Bakugou wants him to be and that… feels better than Kirishima can properly put into words. So, no, he doesn’t boast about it, he doesn’t have the energy to – but Kirishima notes and appreciates it nonetheless, relief forming a ball of warmth and light that radiates within him like a tiny sun got stuck between his lungs and his heart. Bit by bit, it melts the tension off Kirishima’s bones until all he can grasp is the steady presence of Bakugou’s hand in his and how heavy his eyelids feel.

Kirishima could sleep for a week straight and still crave a nap afterwards. Probably.

There’s something he has to do before he crashes, though. With a gentle squeeze, he frees his hand to grab his phone and winces at the dozens of unread messages and missed calls that greet him. Both the group he has with his family as well as the one for 1-A have been running hot most of the night, reducing his battery to a pitiful 12%.

Opening up the chat with his moms, Kirishima scrolls to the bottom of the increasingly worried barrage of texts and hesitates, his fingers hovering over the keypad. Once he starts typing, he’ll have about a minute before shit really hits the fan.

💪🏻Kirishima Power 💪🏻

guys i’m so sorry!!! (sent 21:58)

i know ur worried and stuff and i swear i’ll explain later ok?? (sent 21:58)

 just wanna let u know i’m safe!! staying over at baku’s tonight (sent 21:58)

he’s here and safe too (sent 21:58)

🙏🏻🙏🏻 (sent 21:59)

He pauses then, reading that last part over and over again. Safe. Safe, safe, safe. A smile cracks Kirishima’s lips apart and it remains there, steadfast through the flood of new messages rolling in.

*

Bakugou’s room is both everything Kirishima expected it to be and at the same time… not.

It’s huge, for one, the typical bed-wardrobe-desk setup expanded by a couch and a beanbag, a TV with a variety of game systems hooked up to it, a handful of shelves filled to the brim with books and manga and oh, a whole freaking drum set taking up a corner by itself. The walls are plastered with band posters and signed set lists and – less blatant but still there – the odd All Might merch Kirishima knows Bakugou would strangle him for mentioning, so he doesn’t.

What comes out of his mouth is: “Dude! I didn’t know you played drums. That’s so cool!”

Everything is kept in the triad of black-orange-green Kirishima recognizes from a certain hero costume. A few discarded shirts aside, it’s really tidy. So much so that Kirishima feels ashamed of the state of his own room just by seeing this.

The feeling is compounded by Bakugou picking up those shirts and throwing them in the hamper first thing, a quiet tch indicating he’s annoyed by it. Kirishima isn’t up to outing himself as an unrepentant walking mess in comparison – instead, he makes a beeline for the bookshelf with the manga, eyes drawn to a row of covers he’d recognize in a heartbeat.

“Wha– I’ve been looking for these for ages! They’re sold out every time I try to catch up on ‘em.”

A short glance at Bakugou is answered with a shrug and an eye-roll: It’s Bakugou-speak for do whatever the hell you want. Kirishima pulls out the volume he stopped at and leafs through it.

It’s meant as a distraction for Bakugou, a space for him to drop the put-together façade and breathe without people constantly fussing over him. It’s honestly what Kirishima would rather be doing right now (exploring his best bro’s room be damned) but it’s not what Bakugou needs. Well, what Kirishima thinks he needs.

It’s hard to get a read on him without the constant snark and pointed glares. With some dinner in their bellies and Bakugou’s parents now safely downstairs, the expression that fits nowhere on the Angry Bakugou Face catalogue is back. Kind of uncomfortable and so… absent.

Kirishima is really starting to hate that expression.

It’s entirely accidental that Kirishima actually gets into reading. One chapter turns to three, turns to five, and the troubles and worries whirling ever-tighter in his chest ease for a bit until–

Woosh. A soft, balled-up something knocks against the back of his head. Kirishima startles and almost drops the manga, a vaguely alarmed noise stopped short by the sight of Bakugou in sweats and a well-worn, black shirt. His hair is wet. Wild as ever. At Kirishima’s feet: A similar outfit including a towel.

“Bathroom’s that way. Leave your clothes out by the door, I got special detergent for the nitro. Shampoo and shit’s in the shower, there’s a toothbrush for you by the sink. Use it.”

Kirishima opens his mouth.

Bakugou sighs. “It’s just a fucking toothbrush, Kiri. Wreck it for all I care.”

Kirishima closes his mouth. He nods. His phone is quickly dug out of his pocket and set aside, then he slips out to shower.

A good fifteen minutes later, he opens the door to let out a gust of steam and sees his clothes are gone. The hallway is empty, half-lit by the light coming from downstairs. The Bakugous have been as nonchalant about their spontaneous guest as Bakugou himself; even so, Kirishima tries not to linger or make too much noise as he sneaks back to Bakugou’s room.

“Baku. I’m back.”

Bakugou gives him a grunt of acknowledgement from where he’s fitting some sheets over the couch, folded out to provide a decently sized bed. There’s a pillow and a pile of blankets next to him, wrapped in fresh linen as well. It’s unlikely he’s stopped doing stuff since Kirishima left and if he is about ready to crash in five to ten minutes, he can’t imagine how Bakugou is doing right now.

Y’know, the guy who just survived being kidnapped by Japan’s newest and most notorious villain menace. No amount of pretense can make that simple fact undone.

Kirishima pads over to help, the offer to take over already on his lips but– Too late. The last corner is already being tucked in and laid flat with grim-faced efficiency. Left with nothing else to do, Kirishima sits down on the very edge, eyes downcast and fingers fiddling with the hem of his borrowed shirt. There’s some sort of band logo on it, an English word written in that typical death-metal-font that looks like someone dumped a bunch of white sticks in a pile and called it a day.

It’s soft. A little loose and frayed around the edges.

“Hey, Baku?”

Taking the blankets, Bakugou dumps them in Kirishima’s lap. “Mh?” He makes to step away and Kirishima doesn’t think, just reaches out and catches the back of his shirt.

“Dude, seriously. Just… sit down for a minute. Please?”

And Bakugou… listens. He stops, he frowns at Kirishima for a moment like he’s trying to figure out what his deal is, he sighs like he’s been presented with the world’s most aggravating puzzle – and then he tells Kirishima to scooch. “What? I’m not gonna sit on the fucking floor”, he says.

Kirishima can’t keep the relief off his face as he gladly makes room on the couch, leaning against its arm and tucking his legs in. Once Bakugou has settled, cross-legged with an elbow propped on the backrest, Kirishima throws the blanket over both of ‘em. Might as well get comfortable while they still can.

“Okay.” He steels himself with a long, slow breath. “I know you hate this kinda thing and we’re both tired and… stuff. Still, though: Are you okay?”

Bakugou gives him a look, which– Okay, fair. It’s a dumb question with an obvious answer. Kirishima doesn’t back down, though, humming to buy himself some time to rephrase.

“Like… It’s fine if you’re not. Okay, I mean. And if you’d rather go the fuck to bed and not think about this for a while that’s fine, too. But that was pretty rough and you’ve been, um, quiet. And stuff. So, I’m kinda worried. Y’know?”

Kirishima pauses. A bit lower, he mumbles: “And I missed you. So yeah.”

At some point, he dropped his gaze to his hands, limp and useless in his lap. Kirishima swore not to be a coward anymore but it’s hard, to speak and ask about things in full awareness he has no fucking clue what he’s doing.

All he wants is for Bakugou to be okay. That’s all that matters, at the end of a day like this.

“I’m not”, Bakugou says, tentatively. Like he’s making up his mind as he goes. “I’m not gonna waste your time with ‘I’m fine’. I’m not. This shit’s fucked up.” And again he sighs, sounding so fucking tired Kirishima’s heart squeezes in sympathy.

“I haven’t slept in three fucking days; my shoulders are killing me from using my quirk and sitting chained to that stupid chair and whatever the fuck else. The League scouted me specifically because they thought I’d make a good villain and fuck them for that. Fuck them. But it’s just… It’s whatever. It doesn’t matter.”

Whatever Kirishima expected, it’s not that. He looks up and into Bakugou’s eyes and–

He can’t mean that, can he? Kirishima searches his face for evidence to the contrary, traces the tension around Bakugou’s mouth and the exhaustion smudged under his eyes and the line between his brows, growing deeper under Kirishima’s scrutiny. It all reads defeat. It hurts.

They won, right? A childish voice within Kirishima can’t help but cling to that even as he looks back down. They won, and things are supposed to get better when you win.

“People got hurt. People died, Kiri. Heroes, too.” Bakugou takes a shaky breath, a hand going to his hair and rubbing it roughly. “Fucking… Best Jeanist was there and nobody at the precinct wanted to tell me if he’s alive or dead or what. All of Kamino Ward is fucking gone and All Might–”

Bakugou’s voice cracks right down the middle and it hurts. Like there’s a beast tearing through Kirishima’s chest to rip out his heart and throw it to the floor, stubbornly beating as it bleeds out.

Kirishima wants to say something. Anything. All he can hear is Bakugou’s breathing but it’s all wrong, off-rhythm and thread-bare and upset, and any doubt what that means is erased as Bakugou’s hand clenches on the sheets and he sniffs, wet on the exhale.

“Baku–”

“Don’t. Kiri, don’t–”

He’s always been like that, ordering him around and demanding things when politeness dictates to ask for them instead. His tone is as close to pleading as Kirishima’s ever heard from Bakugou, though, and it twists him up inside to the point he feels distantly nauseous.

“Don’t look.” Bakugou isn’t supposed to sound like that. Not now, not ever. “Okay? Don’t f-fucking– Don’t look at me right now.”

“Okay”, Kirishima says. “I won’t.” His own voice is a mess as well, trembling all over the place. “I won’t, Nitro. I won’t.”

You’re safe, is what he wants to tell him. It’s okay, you’re safe now. That’s not what Bakugou is asking of him. Kirishima can’t stop himself from crying because it’s always been hard not to when the people he loves are doing it, but… He tries. For Bakugou, he’ll always try.

Through eyes heavily clouded by tears, he sees Bakugou’s hand tighten, knuckles going white and bloodless. Painfully tense, and Kirishima can’t stand the sight of that, either.

He shuffles a little closer to place his hand over that fist, careful to only touch the back of Bakugou’s hand. Kirishima whispers, “I’m here”, and Bakugou audibly swallows. He lets him slip his fingers in-between his own.

Holding on, just as he did in the car and when they met in mid-air, that desperate instance that decided whether he would make it out alive or not.

Bakugou holds on even as he breaks for good and his shoulders shake with his sobs. As he continues to breathe in gulps of air that sound strangled and desperate, through tears that leave a pattern of uneven dots on the blanket. By morning they will be gone without a trace: The sun will come up, the world will continue to travel around it, and time will reveal the road they walk on as they walk it, step by step by step.

Just because it’s meant to pass doesn’t make this moment any less real. Any less important. Kirishima sits there and listens to his best friend cry. He remembers days spent without him and the mad dash to save him. He thinks of dumb questions and obvious answers.

It’s hard to tell if this is one of them, so he gathers all his courage and asks: “Katsuki. Can I hug you?”

Just like last time, Bakugou doesn’t say anything. He laughs, a watery, humorless thing – and he pulls at Kirishima’s shirt to crush him to his chest. His arms wind around Kirishima’s neck, Bakugou’s face pressing against his hair where Kirishima won’t be able to see him.

It’s fine. Kirishima’s great at hugs; he can totally work with that. Clenching his eyes shut, he adjusts his grip around Bakugou’s waist so he can rub his back, following the bumps of his spine. Up and down, over and over. Bakugou goes boneless in their embrace, not about to let go anytime soon and neither will Kirishima.

Eventually, Kirishima tucks his head against Bakugou’s shoulder, blinking sleep from his eyes. Safe. He doesn’t fight the sharp-toothed smile on his lips. Bakugou mumbles, “Fucking sap”, nearly drowned out by their collective sniffling.

It sounds a whole lot like thank you. Kirishima’s smile only grows.

>>Chapter 5

[lickingyellowpaint]

Alright, because at least one anon was curious, here are some thoughts based on, admittedly, a very brief foray into the world of sales. I'll speak only to what made my gut instinct do a confused puppy head-tilt, and obviously this is opinion, from someone on tumblr, and therefore not the end-all, be-all of advice on this...

Red Flags of Possible Scam Employers and/or Services

1) The first red flag was that the company threw me into the internal chats - chock full of pep and others' successes - before I was actually physically at work and able to understand their utility. Perhaps it’s easier from a tech perspective to fling new employees into every digital system at once. And sure, there was useful information and good insight into how the company uses those chats - lots of newbies asking questions and getting relevant good answers whilst on the floor, which IS nice - and if you're like me and unfamiliar with the tech or apps being used, it's great practice.

For the most part, though, two of the main chats were just hyping up their salespeople as they met their goals. I suspect they want you to see how much money everyone's making, how they're meeting their goals, and make you want to succeed similarly. There was already a little too much constant enthusiasm bouncing around the place for my goth ass, but hey, can't say the culture was negative! Still somewhat a nefarious psychological move, though, imho. The intent is likely to boast, dazzle, entice, overwhelm and make you envious enough to be competitive, as much as it is to inspire and inform. Just a guess.

2) The second red flag was similar in nature. In a lot of the e-meeting training sessions, there was a LOT of time spent on praising the success of those present in video meetings, a LOT of time spent on explaining the tier system of salespeople, the incentives, the commission system, cool trips you can earn... and I get that, to a degree, okay, you have a job, you wanna know how much money you can really make. Fine!

But if as much or more time is spent on those types of things than the actual training on what you need to learn to do the job... hm. Hm! I suspect more headgaming. (And no, this wasn't an MLM targeting suburban moms to employ and get all their friends onboard. This is a big company with good stock and trusted affiliates.) Anyway, this is about when my gut started to do that quiet hrrrr-uff dogs do when they wanna bark but aren't sure about it yet.

3) Language and words are key. Obviously, most people are sharp enough to know that phrases like "no out-of-pocket upfront cost" is a codeword for We Can't Legally Say It's Free But Want You To Feel Like It Is, and means there'll be payment involved at some point. It's one thing to know that, and quite another to parrot the phrase at an elderly potential customer, or one whose grasp of English isn't quite perfect. Could you, in good conscience, do that for a commission and feel good about it? Turns out I couldn't.

And that's not necessarily indicative of a scam company altogether - sales is sales, and sales language has probably been a little deceptive by nature for as long as it's been around. But could you do that for a paycheck, while being new to the job, thus not being entirely sure what it's gonna cost that little old lady or that immigrant family down the line? Could you? You may not really know for sure until you hear yourself say it, and your gut starts barking in earnest, because you don't know what their next step - that you just convinced them to take - will be.

4) I didn't know, so I tried to find out. While my followers here know I was pretty diligent with my required training stuff, you can see from points 1 and 2 that those materials weren't really meaty and informative enough for me. I tried to seek further clarification not just on my tasks, but the next steps - could someone explain them to me better, in a way that assured me I wasn't pitching a scam? Could someone send me videos or content relevant to the next step in the process, just so I understand it better for my own edification and peace of mind?

Well... maybe they tried to. I was sent a link to a video of one of the next-step-in-the-process sales guys at work... only to be denied access to that video, and though I requested access, nothing in the system ever granted it to me. A glitch? Perhaps. But when I mentioned wanting access, wanting a few more questions answered until I felt right with things, most of what I heard was:

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that."

"Don't overcomplicate things for yourself."

"That's a little above your role. Keep things simple, say you don't know, and it'll add value to the expertise of the next-step sales guy!"

"We tend to save that for more advanced training, since not all of our new people have your emotional intelligence, and might not have as good a brain-to-mouth filter, and say more to the customer than they need to."

Well... I wasn't asking in order to answer a customer's questions, I was asking to answer mine. I won't speak to what I don't know to be true, and I won't sell what I'm not sure is legit, no matter how much I'm paid to do so. And that gut-dog? Now it's a pack of dogs, and at least one of them is starting to howl.

5) It's howling kind of loudly, actually, and my (delightful, friendly, funny) managers aren't helping me quiet it down. So if they can't answer my questions to my satisfaction, I have to seek answers elsewhere.

Arguably, obviously, I should have done this from the start, but - that's when I sought out customer reviews.

And I don't mean clicking Google Reviews and just reading those.

I mean spending most of an afternoon on a deep dive into the following search terms:

"[Company Name] reviews" "[CN] scam" "[CN] Better Business Bureau reviews" "[CN] reddit" "[CN] class action/lawsuit" "[CN] Yelp/any other well-known review site you can think of”/Twitter tag/FB search

You get the idea.

Now, of course some bad actors (rival companies, annoyed ex-employees) can write bad reviews to make the company look bad. Equally, anyone who felt like it could write good reviews to make the company look good. (I wasn't about to search every good reviewer's name in our email database to see if any matched up. But a couple did include words or phrases that might be included in customer-facing marketing and mission statements and thus parroted naturally, but were definitely included in internal training vids. Just a very slight few, but they popped out at me.) Another thing to keep in mind when wanting to take all reviews into account equally is that when people are happy with a product, they don't always remember to leave reviews, so most reviews are written by the vaguely-to-deeply dissatisfied to begin with, and may not be an accurate representation of what's really going on.

Let's be fair here. As a thought experiment, look up the reviews for a company/service/product you truly love, and see if the bad ones reflect a concern you can understand, or one you'd brush off, or one that just doesn't reflect your experience at all. What works for one person/locale/reason for another, might not for someone else, and that’s understandable.

Also ponder:

Out of, let's say, 200 reviews, how many would need to be positive to get you to buy something, especially if it was something you wanted? Would a lot of negative ones make you second-guess the product or service?

How would you gauge the seriousness of the problems presented in the negative ones?

Would a company responding to the bad reviews with apologies and customer service numbers, on that same forum where all could read their empathy and solutions, be enough to convince you that the company had handled the issue by the time you're reading them?

Ponder, ponder, ponder...

aaaand, moving on.

Let's say that out of 200 reviews from a plethora of sources, 40-50 are five-star happy with the company.

Another, eh, 30 or so are two- or three-star, because something went wrong, wrong enough to leave an iffy or downright bad taste in the reviewers' mouths.

The last 110-120? One-star reviews. With at least 10-20 of those saying they'd have left zero stars if the review forum allowed it.

Some of those one-stars may be several years old. Some may have since had their issue truly resolved, and never bothered to update their review or add to it. Some have issues that boil down to, "Okay, the customer clearly didn't understand the terms", or, "That's a crazy problem but I can't relate to caring about it because [insert personal preference/reason] here."

But if a whole load of those one-star reviews tend to speak up about the same types of problems, serious ones, ones you'd find bothersome or downright tragic, ones that would cost you money in some way or another, ones that make you further doubt the integrity of the company altogether, and many of them are as recent as the last few months...

Do I need to finish that sentence?

Hold up, BRB, I have to let the gut-dogs out, they're going absolutely batshit crazy. Must be a full moon!

Or just a disorganized, neglectful, or possibly purposely deceitful company.

The old saying says there’s a sucker born every minute.

Would your conscience be cool with being paid to be one, or to prey on them?

Advice:

My advice is pretty basic: before joining, signing, buying important things, do your diligent research and trust. your. gut.

I hope the above list of experiences helps guide you in doing both.

[tirednotflirting]

yayyy questions time !! 8, 9 for pretty venom fic my beloved, 10 for you're the one to help me get to sleep etc, 17 (post another!!), 29, 44 yes this is a lot thank you for your service i love youuuu xoxo bella

i love YOU!!! and oh boy so many! lemme go get my tea before i start brb

alright i’m back (okay this got long so we’re gonna throw it under a read more lol

8. Where do you take your inspiration from?

this was actually somewhat difficult to nail down i gotta say. but i think it kinda comes down to about three things: good tunes, moments in life that made me feel things, and other people’s writing. like so much of what i write is basically songfic like it’s what speaks to my mostly. esp w all the taylor stuff like she songwrites in such a storytelling kinda way i can’t resist. there’s a few different fics i have (or have since deleted) that are drawn like. pretty damn directly from stuff that’s happened kinda in my own life (the 1 lashton, austin jalex, etc) and i think it’s actually been kinda good to sorta take those moments and look at them from an outside perspective like that idk. and i think i pull Vibes(TM) from other people’s writing quite a bit. stuff like emo lashton taught me a lot about how writing intimacy in a variety of ways works and like meghna’s stuff like starlight fic rlly showed me the power of playing w time in your writing and also just making every moment so big and loud even when it’s quiet. this was a long answer lol

9. In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote? (for but it’s clear when it hits me)

this fic is really only like two scenes but like this chunk from that fic is my favorite bit and was also the first part of it that i wrote, fun fact:

Alex moves to stand but Jack drops a hand to his knee and their eyes meet, Alex’s holding a question. He parts his lips to ask it but Jack beats him to it again. “Can I stay with you tonight? This tune’s kinda put me in a weird mood now and I just,” he pauses and his eyes drift from Alex’s. “Just want to stay with you.”

He picks up Jack’s hand and lets their fingers tangle together before lifting them up to press his lips to Jack’s knuckles. “Always.”

They head in the direction of the stairs, leaving the guitar and journal resting out since the living room was already in a state of musical chaos. Jack’s exhaustion is obvious from his shuffled motions as they move up the steps and Alex laughs softly, these hours not unfamiliar to his racing thoughts, though he knows that obviously can’t be the norm for everyone. He lets a hand move to press against the bottom of Jack’s back and guides them in the direction of his room once they hit the top step.

fairly certain that i also kinda reused part of the last paragraph in a different fic (the one where jack is sitting around waiting for alex’s fight to get in) but it was pretty so i just kept it in both lkfjdsl

10. In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind? (for you're the one to help me get to sleep // maybe i fell in love when you woke me up)

okay so this one is fun! my favorite things to write (and what i kinda think i write best tbh) is either going to sleep scenes or waking up scenes and so i had the wild idea of throwing both of those into one piece and having each one be from a different POV. really liked the idea, i remember i wrote the first half and got a little burnt out by it, had you read it, and then you confirmed it didn’t suck so i was able to keep going. but i hadn’t played around with like pulling a metaphor across a piece in awhile (like i do it in little ways but the last time i had really gone for it w that was 1973 fic) so i had the idea of starting and ending each scene with corresponding lines. 

the first line in each one was easy to work with:

The sun is just beginning to set over LA and Alex is in love.

and

It’s pouring down rain in Maryland and Jack is in love. 

but i really struggled with getting the last lines to coordinate in a similar way and have it not sound too clunky. like i’m telling you i spent way too fucking long figuring out how tf to phrase the one i ended up using for alex’s section.

And maybe that’s what love is, falling asleep already in a dream.

and 

And maybe that’s what love is, waking up to the beginning of another dream.

but i’m genuinely so fucking proud of how it ended up working out like of all of my fics this one felt like it really covered all my favorite things about my writing.

17. Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

lmao okay lemme see what we got here

He laughs along with Alex while he tells him about the elaborate excuses he gets for late homework and tries to ignore the electricity he feels run up the entire length of his body when their feet knock together below the bar.

yeah that’s a good one there we go

29. Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

lol so total honesty, even if like, a couple of you in the club read my stuff and found even a glimmer of joy in it that would be enough for me (and i know the audience we’re working with here is already pretty limited) but probably either and we'd both stay out 'til the morning light (just bc it’s just fucking pretty imo and definitely one of the most well written pieces i have) or i can picture it after all these days aka all too well fic that i wrote w @reveriesofawriter. like i know it’s sad but fucking hell it’s a damn good fic 

44. What is the last line you wrote?

the last actual line i wrote was whatever the last line was in the paper rings merrikat from the other day. HOWEVER, last line that i have no shared w the internet yet is: 

It’s a sight he feels like he could look at for days despite the tiny voice in his head telling him to consider pumping the brakes a little. “Looking forward to it.”

boy that was a lot! thanks for the questions my love x