#brennans gonna be a big part of it of course

[airprime7]

do you see my vision

[billthedrake]

BIG DADDY (PART NINE)

Mark came over that weekend to help me clean the gutters. At least that was the pretext. Of course he came over to fuck his daughter.

It wasn't every time we all three ended up in my bed, or even close. But it was happening more and that day Mark and I kissed and made out with Cheryl side by side, each taking duty on one of her tits, sucking and licking before we made our way down. It was like a playful competition, taking turns, seeing who could give my wife the most pleasure by eating her pussy. Big Daddy had the advantage of being her father, and every bit of taboo thrill with that. I had the advantage of being better at eating cunt. We'll call it a draw.

I continued to eat her out while Mark knelt up and offered his thick paternal cock. I heard her moan as she took him into her mouth. The combo drove her wild and pretty soon my tongue was giving her a major orgasm. I gave another swipe of my tongue along her trimmed pussy lips and leaned. I could have taken her there, but I wanted some of what Big Daddy was getting.

Mark smirked as I made my way to kneel beside him, clearly offering my hardon for service. "You want some, Brennan?" he teased.

I nodded. "Fuck yes," and like that I watched Mark's thick fingers curl in Cheryl's long soft hair and nudge her off his cock, caressing her locks a couple of seconds as they made eye contact. God, their connection was fucked up, but so hot to watch. I imagined my wife doing this for all these years.

Then she turned to me. "Horny, Nick?"

"You know it, babe," I growled in a tone that suggested I was more keyed up than I was letting on. Particularly as I felt Mark's free hand on the small of my back. Bryant was a touchy-feely man, and the physical contact sent jolts of electricity to my prick, especially once Cherly started going down on me.

Cheryl was in bona fide heat. Daddy and I passed her back and forth between us, keeping eye contact mostly on her porn-slut blowjobs but also connecting man to man in the process.

Finally, Mark pulled her off his bone gently. "Daddy's gotta be inside ya, baby doll."

Cheryl almost pounced up to meet him in a kiss, her fingernails pressing against her father's hard plate-like pecs.

"I take it that's a yes, Princess?" Mark chuckled lewdly.

"Hmm hm, yes, Daddy," my wife cooed in his embrace. His hand was no longer on my back but hers, working over the round curve of her ass. Cheryl had always had a smoking hot body, but the post-pregnancy weight filled her out in all the best ways. I didn't have to ask Mark Bryant if he agreed. His grabby hands told the answer.

They kissed, Frenching open mouthed as Mark pulled her more petite body back onto his burly build. I realized that I'd normally witnessed Mark fucking missionary or doggie, but this was an exciting change of pace to see Cheryl grind her privates against the big man' crotch as they made out. Then Mark grip his daughter's slim waist to pull her up and line that pussy up with his massive tool.

My prick spurted out a heavy dose of precum at that first penetration. Their private father-daughter ritual that I was privy to now. They fucked slow but deep, Cheryl pivoting her hips to sink further on Mark's prick with each stroke.

She now sat up fully, feeling the depth of penetration as Mark's hands gripped Cheryl's full boobies, which had swollen lately. It was all amazing to watch, even the way Cheryl's body pressed some against her dad's beer belly, which had grown some lately too. I was almost content to sit back and watch the incest mating in action.

Almost, but not quite.

I grabbed some lube from the bedside table, and started slathering a lot on. Now that Cheryl was back in her nympho phase, she had been letting me sodomize her more lately. ANd as worked up as Big Daddy was getting her, I realized I was gonna get a bucket list chance now.

I positioned myself behind her, between Mark's thick legs, and reached into the cleft of her ass.

"Oh yes, Baby..." Cheryl gasped as my finger touched her rosebud and began lubing up. Gently probing her ring.

It took Mark a little longer to realize what was going on but I heard his loud growl. "You coming in, too, Brennan?"

I didn't answer him in words. Instead I lined up my rock hard prick and pushed.

It took a little work, but not much. I held Cheryl still for the penetration as Daddy watched and growled his encouragement.

"Take Nick's cock, Baby Doll," he cooed as he stroked his daughter's hair and gave her a soft, tongue heavy kiss. I wanted to hold off cumming, so I concentrated on thinking about work stuff for a bit, till I felt a more normal fuck pace.

That is, until Big Daddy scooted beneath pile drove that fat, heavy cock up into her cunt.

"Yes!" my wife cried. It was her first time taking two dicks at once, and I realized it was my first time with this experience. Fucking Cheryl from behind while Mark did her from the front. It was incredibly hot, but the thing that got me to cum was Mark's strong hands. No longer feeling up his daughter's tits, they were on my arms now, them my hips, feeling my muscle. Feeling me up.

I nutted hard, and I heard both Mark and Cheryl cum in rapid succession. It was wild.

We were messy and sweaty when we finally parted. I showered off and left them in bed for some one-on-one time. I mean, someone had to clean the goddamn gutters.

Still, as I slipped on my briefs, I couldn't help but see Big Daddy's eyes on my fat softening dong.

****

A lot can change in four years.

In the words of my buddy Kevin, I was "all Texas and shit." Turns out he was too, now, or at least on his way.

Mark Bryant was still the titular head of RC Pool Supply, but in every meaningful way I was running the business day to day, while Mark was taking a soft landing into his early retirement.

I started taking Cheryl and Iris to the Jersey Shore for two weeks in the summer. Just us. I needed a break from the Bryant family sometimes.

My bond with Dan Bryant became less of an open secret. I'd go over frequently to Dan's after work and we'd go to the guest room to fuck and just spend some brother-to-brother time, alone and naked together. Courtney knew what was up, and she now knew Dan needed it. My dick - but my love, too. Dan made sure to be the stand up husband to Court in every other way.

And yeah, I may have fucked Courtney on the side, from time to time.

And while I still would suck Big Daddy, it was less an act of asserting his authority and now something else.

Like this weekend. Another guy's weekend, this time at a golf resort out west. Dan couldn't make it, so it was just me and Mark, which was good. It let me have some father-in-law time and for us men to talk business. Mark Bryant was all about mixing business with pleasure. I guess I was, too.

That first night I fucking made love to that big giant dong. I had no shame in doing so, it was hot. Taking that meaty thickness into my mouth and letting my throat relax to just go for it. Mark loved the contrast between the way I did it and Cheryl, or Dan, or the secretary sluts he banged. It took him no longer than two minutes of my excited head for the big man to growl and fire off with a heavy load. He kept it hard and I slowly sucked him a second time. The gruff dude was almost romantic as I worshipped his cock, stroking my hair and saying he was glad to have such a hot son in law. By the time I finally stroked off, it was an intense load.

The next day was an afternoon round of golf. I played great, and Mark grumbled at each lousy shot he made. "If I wanted a good golf player, I would have brought Dan instead," he teased. Dan Bryant was only good at two things in life: taking cock and playing golf. But that meant he was really fucking good at both. OK, begrudgingly, I'll say my brother-in-law is a good salesman, too.

Mark and I were in a better mood after dinner and a couple of drinks. We had a cabin-like suite at the resort and the weather was nice, warm but dry. Big Daddy had something on his mind, I knew.

"What's your price, Brennan?" he finally asked as we sipped some top-shelf boubon.

"Price for what?" I asked.

He looked me in the eye. "Your ass. How much would I have to pay you to fuck that lacrosse jock ass of yours?" He was a little tipsy but I could tell he'd been thinking about this. I didn't know how much of it was a power trip and how much was really wanting to nail me. I knew it was some of both.

"What makes you think I'd let you?" I replied. I wasn't pissed off, more intrigued. Still, I'd never taken dick, not that way, and I wasn't about to start.

Big Daddy seemed unfazed. He leaned back, his girthy meaty body looking more imposing in its stance. "Like I say, every man has his price."

I leaned back myself, in a classic manspread position. I was actually chubbing up. Something about this power play had me going. "How bout this, Mark? You write down what you're offering, and I'll write down what I'd be willing to accept. And we can see how close they are."

That got a wide grin out of the big man. He stood up and strutted over to find a notepad and pen at the hotel room desk. I could see he was throwing hard, at least half hard, that big dong looking formidable in his golf shorts.

He ripped out a piece of paper and handed it to me. "Don't play hardball, Brennan," he smirked. He quickly wrote down a number and handed me the pen as he folded the paper. "This is a damn good offer," he said proudly as he placed the folded paper on the table.

I quickly wrote down on mine and we switched. I opened his first. He'd written down a large figure. Mid five digits.

I think he thought I'd be impressed. Or shocked. Or something. Instead I nodded to him to open my folded paper. I knew what he was reading: "I fuck your ass - first."

"Jesus," he growled, looking up at me. "What the fuck?"

"You said every man has his price," I explained. "That includes you, Daddy."

"You like being a wise ass?" he asked me, his eyes twinkling some. He'd put on even a little more girth the last year or so, and for some reason I found that attractive.

I spread my legs a little more. "I just don't like being taken for granted," I replied.

We stared at each other. It felt like an eternity but was probably just a half minute. "Fuck," Mark growled. "My princess picked out a hard bargainer, all right."

I felt a vibe between us. It was the last thing I'd ever expect to happen with Mark Bryant, but maybe it was gonna. "We actually doing this Big Daddy?"

He gulped. "Counter proposal... I go first."

I shook my head. "Un unh," I said. "My terms, Daddy." Somehow it felt perverse to call him Daddy now.

"You're really insisting ongoing first, Brennan?"

The man had a lot of pride on the line. I wasn't gonna let him keep it. "Sure as fuck am." I said. "I fuck you tonight. You fuck me tomorrow. Same positions."

He blushed red. I think the alcohol was helping him even consider this. "Damn, I want in your ass so bad, stud... you know that, right?"

I grinned. "Yep. I do." I stood up, my boner evident in my shorts. "Come on, Big Daddy. Let's do this... you may actually even enjoy it."

He stood up. For all of his anxiety, his fat cock was more than chubbed up, too. It was rock hard. He took one more swig of his drink and set it down.

The sexual tension was ratcheting up quick as we went back to his bedroom. I stopped to get some lube from my bag and when I joined Big Daddy he was already kicking off his shoes and stood bare chested, his beefy body on full display. I followed suit quickly in stripping down, which seemed to thrill Mark.

"You have a way of messing with my head, Brennan," he growled as he finally stripped naked and got in bed. I was two seconds behind him, my hands greedily reaching out to feel up that older father-in-law bulk.

"You've always gotten into mine Big Daddy," I hissed.

Our lips met. We'd kissed while double-teaming Cheryl. But Cheryl wasn't there now. It was just me and my dad-in-law, making out. Yeah, this was a power play, but it just fueled our lust and attraction. Big Daddy was pawing at my leaner body now, just as eagerly as I was gripping his.

"My baby girl picked out a winner," the man hissed, reaching down to cup my hardon. "Just don't treat my like one of your side bitches," he growled. Maybe he had his son Dan in mind.

"That wasn't part of the agreement," I joked.

Mark laughed. "Just remember you're getting payback tomorrow."

"I know, Mark," I grinned. "You nervous?" I asked after a minute.

The man nodded. "I'm not scared of much in life... but this, yeah..." As crazy as the idea of Big Daddy letting me fuck him was, the fact he was being so emotionally direct and open was a mind fuck of its own.

I patted his meaty ass. The one I'd admired and lusted after when I watched him fuck my wife. "I'll break you in easy, sir," I smiled. "On your belly, Big Daddy."

He winced in fear but did as instructed.

Goddamn, that ass was full. Some padding but lots of brawn, too. I gripped the round cheeks and pulled them apart, diving face in. I'd gotten into rimming Randy Slocum and Dan, but Mark Bryant's ass was even more munch-worthy. I licked and rooted around and played with his pucker with my tongue. Big Daddy fucking loved it, hiking his ass back to my face.

"Fuck yeah, Brennan," he hissed. "Eat me out."

I did, too. I wanted to take my time enjoying what was probably be a one-time shot. And I was 100% sure Mark Bryant was cherry. I'd take my time working him open.

Eventually I pulled back, lubed my fingers and started working him open that way. It was less immediately pleasurable to Mark, but pretty soon I had three fingers twisting in and out of that dad hole, deep. And I'll be damned if Mark wasn't hiking back against my thrusting hand.

The penetration went easier than I expected. Mark freaked out a little once my dick breached his ring, but that was a mental thing, and as I kissed along his thick neck, he relaxed back into me. It's a real fucking turn on to have a dude as big as that relax back into you, I'll tell ya. He wasn't gonna say it, but Mark Bryant was enjoying having my cock inside him.

He even enjoyed it when I started thrusting into him. Soft, steady thrusts. His body face down, I made love to his whole body, feeling him kissing his shoulder, fucking deeply into him.

I may have even told him I loved him, right before my body seized up and I had the hardest orgasm of my life. Several inches inside my father in law.

I took a second to relax and recover than I rolled off him, patting him softly and affectionately on the ass. I leaned up just a little and held up my still-rigid prick. "Your turn to come, Mark. Why don't you sit on my cock while you do?"

I was definitely pushing it, and I expected him to growl at me. Instead he had a quiet, needy expressing as he knelt up on the mattress, his own meaty prick hard and leaking. I could read it all in his face. Sexual excitement, embarrassment for having liked it too much, and the urgent need to get off. He eyed up my cum-slick dick.

"Yeah," he barked and scooted his big body over to straddle me. The man was girthy all right, and felt even more so as he settled on my lap, his belly brushing against my hard on before he moved up and reached back to guide me back into him. He hesitated.

"It's just you and me, Big Daddy. No one else," I assured him.

That's what he needed to hear to le himself go. He eased back onto me, and the entry was easy now. Mark was doing the driving now, using his weight and strength to ride my meat and stimulate his insides how he wanted it.

"Goddamn, Brennan, you got a cock on ya," he hissed as he bounced heavily up and down on me and flogged his cock. Cum spurted out of that big dong a couple of seconds before the full orgasm hit. Then it was a throaty growl and some wild bucking that nearly snapped my dick off. Big Daddy was having his first p-spot orgasm, and I was getting drenched. I watched him cum, then he reached down and used his grip on my neck to pull himself down and met up to a hot, heavy kiss. I humped excitedly, determined to get a second nut before Mark's was done. I succeeded.

We actually didn't talk after we uncoupled, but we cleaned off and made out, softly, until Mark's eyes grew heavy with the need for sleep. I started to get up and go back to my bed, but his arm reached out and gripped my forearm.

"You don't gotta go, Brennan." came his words. I nodded and eased back into Mark's bed.

***

Payback is a bitch.

Mark Bryant has a massive cock. He tried going easy, copying my own foreplay from the night before. But it stung going in, and stung getting reamed out by that monster. Still, a bet was a bet, so I clung to the bedsheets and took it. Getting my virginity fucked away by the biggest, fattest cock I could imagine, and feeling the heaviness of his body on top of my back, thrusting away. At least if I ever did this again, I'd know I'd gone full out.

The whole time Mark was telling me how much he'd looked forward to taking Big Brennan down a notch.

But a minute and a half into the ordeal, he stopped and climbed off me. I was surprised, because usually once Mark got into a fuck it never took him long to nut. I felt that slick dong slide across my ass and hip, and my ass felt like a freight train had driven through it.

The mattress sank as Big Daddy lay next to me, that massive cock still bone hard and sticking up an inch from his beer belly.

"What?" I asked, wondering what was up, or if anything was wrong.

Mark looked at me with his normal "Boss" look. "We said same positions, right?" he asked.

It sunk in. Mark wanted me to ride his cock. And more than than he wanted me to enjoy this.

I'd try. At least my ring was still loose and opened up as I straddled the big man and felt that fat lubed tool nudge back in place. Mark's cock felt scary and thrilling at the same time.

"Take your time, Brennan," the man said softly. His hands openly caressing my gym-toned thighs.

I nodded and sat back in place on him. The reentry felt full. Fuller than full. Mark Bryant was hunk like a motherfucker. But this position worked better. I could control the pace and now that he'd already reamed me from behind the switch made this feel better. I mean, it was still a challenge, but I started riding the big man slowly.

"Nice, Nick," Mark hissed, really getting into the softer vibe between us. "Ride my cock, buddy."

I did, working my ass up to take more of his pole, feeling a wild range of emotions.

Mark timed it perfectly, knowing when my insides were unclenching enough to thrust up to match my own motion.

"Oh fuck!" I hissed.

"Too much?" he asked.

I shook my head. Still in a-bets-a-bet mode. But feeling something else. "No," I answered, feeling Mark's massive dong thrust faster. "Feel good?"

"You have no fucking idea," he growled, his hips getting more urgent and his hands now running along my front, appreciating the way my tight abs and ripped body contrast to his own bulkier build.

We mated silently for a minute, then Mark spoke up again. "You know, I wish you'd been my son Nick."

It was a gut punch of a thing to say, but it fed my sexual pleasure. "I know, Daddy," I hissed back. Goddamnit, his confession was gonna get me to cum. I saw a playful leer on his face as he watched me enter orgasm, my hips having a life of their own to bounce on his dong and my fist a blur on my erection. It was a scattershot of an ejaculation, spraying all over Big Daddy's hairy body.

"Fuck yes, Nick," Mark growled and with a couple urgent thrusts of his own, I knew he was seeding me good.

I rode it out, my orgasm, and his, and felt guilty, like I'd betrayed Dan. I knew Mark had fucked me as an equal and his son would never have that.

Mark and I didn't talk about it, though. We didn't talk about much of anything until after we'd showered and dressed. And as we packed to head to catch our flight, it was normal talk about golf and R.C. Pool Supply, and if Mark's retirement meant he'd no longer have a pool of secretaries to fuck.

***

Mark and I had taken separate cars to the airport, and now I was on my way home. Sure, maybe I was speeding, but I got annoyed when I saw the cop car lights behind me. "Fuck me," I grunted, dutifully pulling over.

I expected a gentle talking to and being let off with a warning. For all intents and purposes, I was a Bryant, and the Bryants owned this town.

Indeed, I couldn't have imagined a more deferential tone in the police officer's voice as he looked in my rolled down window as he stood beside the car, 6 foot even in his uniform shoes.

"Sorry to bother you, Mr. Brennan," the man started off with an apology. He was early 40s and hot as fuck. Weathered skin, sea blue eyes, just the right amount of muscle under that poly blue material. "If you could do me a favor, could you slow it down some?"

"I can probably do that, Officer," I replied. I took another look at the man. I'd become a convert of Texas beef, but maye I was developing an appreciation when that beef was aged a little. I spoke before I thought. ".And maybe you can do me a favor." OK, my dick brain was doing the thinking now.

"What kind of favor?" the officer asked nervously. I could tell he got a sense of where this was going.

"You take it up the ass, Officer?" I asked with my best poker face. Not working up to the main event, like with Slocum. Just going right for the jugular.

He gulped and I could see those blue eyes "Not in a long time, Mr. Brennan," he almost whispered. Scared as hell.

"It's like riding a bike, Officer," I smiled. "And I know what I'm not doing... come on, man... I'm sure you know a private place we can go."

Those sea blue eyes met mine. Almost pleading for a way out. I stared back, unblinking.

Officer Friendly let out the breath he'd been holding in. He took a nervous darting look around, then turned back to me. "My partner's back in the cruiser," he grunted softly, but with that same apologetic tone.

Holy shit. I looked back and there was a rookie-looking dude in the passenger seat of the cop car. Slocum hot, and probably not six months from his time on the gridiron. But I was getting into the middle-aged cop even more. "What time you get off, Officer...?" I asked turning back.

"Officer Mitchell. Five o'clock, sir," he replied deferentially.

"Live alone?" I asked. I didn't see a wedding band.

"Yessir, Mr. Brennan. Divorced last year." That Texas accent coming thicker.

"Sorry to hear Officer Mitchell," I said with half-real sympathy.

The cop shrugged. God he was the strong silent type but had a certain vulnerability to him that gave me a bone. "It is what it is, Mr. Brennan." He then pulled out a pad and wrote his address on the paper and tore it off to hand to me.

His hand was actually shaking. "Please go easy on me, Mr. Brennan, sir."

"I will Officer," I grinned, stuffing the address in my shirt pocket.

Mitchell gave me one last look, like he wanted to suck my cock then and there. He ran his fingers along my car door where the window was rolled down. "All right... stay safe, sir.. and slow it down if you can."

"You bet," I nodded, feeling horny as fuck. Good thing 5 o'clock was only a couple hours away.

I watched Officer Mitchell strut back to the cruiser as I started up the car and set it in drive. I sped off.

In the words of my buddy Kevin, I was all Texas and shit, and I couldn't be happier.

END

[unsleepingtales]

Lucky episode 13!! Reactions/freak outs/etc <3 this one is another long one so strap in

Starting off strong with AxMurph bits

Did Lou dye his hair?

The set is SO COOL

I need to know Mira better. She fascinates me. (<- adult who used to be a child who watched disneys little mermaid So Much)

Gerelody <3

The dome is watery!! Cool!!

Love daddy? Hate daddy.

What if Pinocchio just pretended to be a gondolier? What if he did that?

Ok so the MerKing is a spellcaster

EMILY AXFORD DICE MOMENT

Gerard my love my light <3

Gerard and Pib really are a power duo damn. I know we talk about the different paths Gerard could have taken but honestly commanders strike is such a good move for him

RICK PERRY AND TEAM YOU ARE SO COOL

Siobhan’s look is so good today.

Mer king’s ac is below 16???

Oh that dome effect is so cool. Crew you’re doing amazing I love you.

Shoutout @montereybayaquarium <3

The FUCK

God… the idea that some intelligent part of Pinocchio’s story looked at what he was doing and decided ‘no no, if you’re going to get this much power you’re going to have to live at least some part of what was written for you’ is terrifying.

“There is no love true enough in any story to be more important than this showing up” is an absolutely insane thing to say Brennan.

Axmurph <3

Brennan’s nat20 gets you your wildest dreams policy is so good.

The giant fish has asthma. Ok.

IT HAS ÅŠTHMÄ

Pinocchio just s c r e e c h i n g

No no do not go back to the extraction/distraction model that did not go well??

Epic highs and lows.

Oh ok NOW we remember the mechanics. Suuuuure.

Love adding some chaaa

Tiny little cricket mini????

Emily’s outfit is Also excellent. Fish earrings!!

“You’re a fish.” “A frog is a fish?”

[murph squeals weakly]

Did they name the cricket sprinkle?

He’s terrible… and he’s a fish…

ROSIE NO

“Setting tone and expectation, this is very bad.”

Siobhan and Emily scheming… love you <3

Love this thing the editors are doing where they closeup on the mini and then show the character art, it’s cool

Brennan constantly reminding them that it is not a fun cartoon in the monstrous fish’s stomach

TWO IMMEDIATE FAILURES? Good lord. We still have no idea what happens if one of them thrice upon a times without the others right?

Tim’s Big Stack

Pinocchio shrieking is top tier

British people please explain what Siobhan meant by fudge being a slur in England?

Whomst the fuck- ohohohoh Scottish sea witch yea baby

He’s letting him try it??!!!!

“Gerard, why don’t you focus on Not Drowning?” Quickest put down ever

We’re gonna have to rename Red the little matchstick girl lmao

Awww they put floaties on her mini <3

Yes Murph get your bad dice energy all over it

MURPH

I appreciate the little sobering moment to kind of get back in the combat mindset, it was helpful for me as a viewer.

Ooooooh call of destiny homebrew subclass I need to know so much more about this

I love ridiculously intricate homebrew game mechanics.

The Fabian’s Bad Day die finally has its moment in the sun.

I love how willing Brennan is to roll with their batshit ideas. Yeah of course Rosamund was trained to swallow bonbons and macarons in her sleep, allowing her to swallow a goodberry whilst unconscious. Fucking of course that happened guys.

God Mira’s cool.

“Get ready to get to know me”

SNAKE EYES???

Brennan’s fLiRtiNg WiTh mE

Everything is either a neg or a flirt. This is just true.

YEAHHHH ROSIEEEEE

Get ready to keep getting ready to get to know me! Another thing about me, I’m a Sagittarius 💅

Brooklynite Pib is something that can actually be so personal…

Next episode preview reactions:

Alphonse is back again ok

[seawitchkaraoke]

Interesting thing I've observed is a lot of left leaning shows/youtube groups/etc are fully in favour of diversity, but aren't themselves very diverse. Both on tv and on the internet you'll still have at most 1/3 women a lot of the time and mostly white guys and all that

And the reason for this is so so often the same: they started out with all or mostly white guys and now those original people are still there (and of course they're the reason the show got big in the first place so you can't just get rid of them all, plus they're perfectly nice, funny, good people so why would you) so even if all the people you add or who come on as guests aren't straight white guys, you're gonna have to add a lot of people for it to be as diverse as you might want it to be (and of course maybe you want to add another straight white guy sometimes! And your fans wouldn't respond well to not letting them on just bc they're a straight white guy! But in pure terms of numbers this does of course set you back)

And when it's TV programming you can at least blame the ppl who originally cast the show but on youtube and such it's usually that they started as just a group of friends having fun - and if that group happened to be all white guys well, that's pretty common, in our society we to tend to mostly make friends with people who are like us, bc those are the people we're surrounded by.

It's difficult bc you often can't even really blame anyone specific for this but the fact remains that it sucks that these groups of left leaning perfectly good people aren't more diverse. Especially since this also means that anyone who is added who isn't a white cis straight guy is gonna have a harder time - bc if you have no black people in your cast, you will have racist fans, no matter how vocal you are about supporting black ppl. (And not just openly loud racists, those are easier in a lot of ways. But especially a lot of people with unaddressed biases who may not even realise that the new person being black is part of the reason why they don't like them)

If there was always a black person on the show, a lot of people with those biases will either slowly learn better or not watch the show at all.

Like. Idk when I look at the kind of comments Aabria Iyengar gets under Critical roll videos vs dimension 20 videos I think it's an example of exactly that. Sure there might be other factors too, but the dimension 20 has from the start been more diverse (and made an effort to increase that even more through side quests and such) so there are simply less fans in that fanbase who aren't open to new people and specifically less people who have a problem with a black queer female DM taking the place of their beloved Brennan.

And it has nothing to do with the creators themselves. Matt and Brennan have both been nothing but supportive of Aabria. But it's just that exact thing that if your cast isn't diverse, you're gonna have more bad eggs among your fans.

Idk what my point here even is. I don't have a solution to this other than, if you're starting smth try and have it be a diverse cast from the start. But I just... I see a lot of comments along the lines of "I can't believe this group has racist fans when they're all such good people" and I always just think it's so obvious why.

[kelmping]

memory post incoming (last update: nov 7)

i don’t. remember much. pre-gowpenny. i only have a couple of memories, and they’re… weird.

i was born on december 13th, 2002. a friday. because fucking of course it was. my mom raised me on her own until i was about eight, at which point i started to tumble through the foster system. i don’t know what happened, but it was definitive that i would never and could never return to her care.

i know i was an undiagnosed autistic (which i. figured out later), along with some other stuff (anxiety, depression, adhd, ptsd, a separate complex ptsd diagnosis…) so i wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out i had memory problems. (the rest of my system does too, so.)

i know that i was kind of a loner, though. people tended not to like me, so i just stayed out of their way unless i needed something. sometimes that meant sitting alone to read at recess as a kid. sometimes it meant just staying low and quiet and hoping to whatever the hell is out there that nobody found me wherever i was sleeping on the streets.

suicide cw: i wasn’t. always. super crazy about being alive. i found out i couldn’t die the hard way. and even then, i tested it more than once.

i experienced psychotic symptoms, though not always with the same regularity. as i got a handle on my magic, they eased up, but i’d go through stretches that lasted for weeks without too much… intrusion? it was manageable. but then there would also be stretches of time where i didn’t trust myself with my wand and told my familiar to fuck off back to iowa. my friends were a really big help ;;;

jammer was my first best friend. k and sam started out as regular friends, but we all got closer as time went on. (i took after jammer a lot, heh. that’s social mimicry for you.)

he also had locs similar to lou wilson’s, with the bleached ends from mismag and the length from fantasy high.

k kept going by dream among the four of us, so i use their names (as well as she/they/he/xe pronouns) interchangeably.

i did have a silly crush on them. we dated, just like in canon. but i also dated jammer, and k also dated sam, who was… the label i would use now for the two of us would be an unspoken queerplatonic partnership.

i wasn’t really. as… giggly. as brennan played me being, when i first told philtrum i didn’t want to be magical. i was more, just. scared. apologetic. i was worried she’d toss me out on my ass with no help either way.

oh my god. you have no idea how stressful it was to listen to the first part of episode 4. i already knew i hadn’t given up my magic, but watching it play out was… whoof.

i think there were some minor differences between what happened in canon and my actual reactions. i don’t remember them very well, though.

i just. collapsed. after the whole thing with sam and the shadow. grabbed sam as tight as i could and broke down sobbing. and i was. really. really lucky to have such amazing friends.

the fuckingggg. stupid goddamn tournament arc. k is so fucking cool, and i was like. genuinely fucking scared i was gonna kill that guy from rosewood or rosewand or whatever the hell his school was called. that bravado was allllll me just channeling jammer as much as fucking possible. i was shaking as i got ready. probably still as the duel actually started.

the duel went differently than it did in canon. i guess the roll was low, or too high, or. something. i don’t know. but i didn’t just send that kid to hell, like, mentally. he was physically dead for between five and thirty seconds. time is. an enigma. and i just stood there shaking as he dropped.

as soon as i snapped out of it i rushed forward to… i don’t know, try to help somehow? but nurse stitchnit pushed me aside and resuscitated him. i almost sobbed when he started breathing again, even though he was coughing up blood.

the guilt of that ate away at me for a long time. it still does, sometimes. but he lived, and i’m very glad he did. and, frankly, glad he was able to tell me to fuck off afterwards. good for him. lord knows i deserved it.

needless to say, it was much less, uh. jubilant. i just wanted to sit down and be left alone, but i was lucky to have friends who understood that i both shouldn’t be completely alone and couldn’t talk about it.

jammer’s link with alexis had lingering effects that manifested both magically and as scars and chronic pain. most of the time he was alright, but overworking himself would wipe him out for weeks.

i love my friends. a lot. like, yeah, i was dating k and jammer, but. all three of them were my fucking family. sometimes we’d all end up sleeping on a couch in the common room, or in a single. twin. bed. with four teenagers in it. it was a mess, and physically uncomfortable at times, but i literally never felt emotionally safer than when we were all just hanging out and doing fuck all.

nurse stitchnit is like. almost a dad to me? like a surrogate, adoptive dad. he was always the adult that i trusted most. he offered to let me stay with him at the end of the school year, actually. i had plans, though.

the holiday special. um. the party? when i felt that darkness creeping up? instant panic attack. hence the, uh. freaking out. apologies for that.

pretty sure the icy water inside tad was, like. magical in the sense that it was cold enough to cause frostbite with too much contact, similarly to how human blood is hot inside the body. it “damaged” my hand like when i grabbed penfrew.

also. broken ribs. not fun. i was concussed too, and i just wanted my friends close, but it hurt to hold them too tightly.

i guess the “roll” of my timeline that dream did to heal me failed, because i remember that the recovery took a while and was pretty miserable. thankfully, i was also pretty out of it. and my friends and nurse stitchnit made sure i knew i wasn’t alone. they took good care of me.

i was asked at one point why i slept, like. curled up? i didn’t really realize i did it. something, something, autism, something, something, growing up really tall while trying to avoid being noticed Too Much. probably. i dunno.

at the end of the year, i went to stay with my friends for the three months of break. jammer, then k, then sam. i don’t remember a lot of specifics, but i know their families were at least nice.

i showed up in the background of some of sam’s streams by accident, while i was staying with her. i had a weird little mini-fanbase within her fans? it was. interesting. kinda flattering, kinda weird. that one comment section spell came in handy. (eventually i did a stream with her. it was a lot of fun, honestly.)

sam encouraged me to start my own channel, so i decided to document my experiences as a first-generation mage living with both psychological issues and genuine curses. it had a pretty wide range, from relaxed gaming streams and pictures of myself and my friends to dream’s multi-hour video essays about social issues that i’d helped write. (i eventually learned to separate that stuff out, though, considering i gained a sizable following despite still being fairly reserved.)

at some point, jammer effectively said this:

down the line, years post-gowpenny, we had a daughter named bailey. biologically she was sam and jammer’s, but all four of us were her parents. (sam was mom/mama, k was ren/renny, jammer was papa/pop, and i was dad.) we all loved her more than anything, and the day she was born was one of the best of my life.

at an indeterminate point post-gowpenny (after we’d all graduated), i lost my right leg from about the knee down. unfortunately for the others, i also Could Not stay still, and spent more time than i probably should have using them as makeshift supports. mostly jammer, since he was the closest to me in height, but sam and dream were just as willing to help me out. and i’m pretty sure stitchnit ended up needing to carry me a couple of times…

[elijahkelly]

6/30/2023

I don’t know.

It’s been 3 days since I took my Prozac and I’m starting to be able to tell.  Champagne (my cat) was scratching at my door and it made me mad so I threw my tv remote across the room.  I regretted it as soon as the remote left my fingers.  Thankfully it just hit the wall, but I was embarrassed that I got so angry.

Dylan.  Where do I start?  I guess I’ll start by saying this.

I’m scared to admit that it feels like there are cracks in our relationship, because it feels like once you acknowledge those cracks, that’s when everything collapses.  But I’m seeing the cracks.  And they’re fissuring.

Dylan has lost trust in me.  He’s constantly on my case about what I’m doing on my phone, who I’m talking to, etc.  He sees a name on my phone that he doesn’t recognize and suddenly I’m being bombarded about who it is and where they’re from.  He makes jokes about me having hoes in my phone, despite how much I tell him it makes me uncomfortable.

Dylan literally went from wanting to propose to me in LA to going through my phone while I’m sleeping and running background checks on everyone I talk to.  What’s going on?

Before I talk about this next part, I need to give some backstory about a character.  His name is Brennan.  Brennan is a fellow gay, and he got a job at Sanderson a few months after I did.  He worked the front desk with me and Dylan, and over that time, he and Dylan became friends.  His abrasive personality and crude humor wasn’t appealing to me, so we’re “friends” I guess? But not as close as he and Dylan are.  Eventually, Brennan quit his job at the front desk and transitioned over to working in our fitness department as a spin instructor.  Dylan trained him to teach spin, and he went on to become Dylan’s boss in the department, which gave them something else to bond over.  During shifts where I was the manager on duty and Dylan was working with me, Brennan would come up to the front desk to bother us.  By “bother us,” I mean he would come over and talk to Dylan, mess around with Dylan, make jokes with Dylan, beat up on Dylan, make tiktoks with Dylan, you name it.  All while I’m sitting there, just watching.  I’ve told Dylan on multiple occasions that I am not Brennan’s biggest fan, but for some reason Dylan keeps him around.

Last night.  Dylan and I went with some friends to a bingo night hosted by Trinity Devine, a drag queen and friend of ours.  While we were there, Brennan showed up.  He was already pretty drunk, and he brought the guy he had been seeing.  He came and said hi to everyone at our table, of course not forgetting to give Dylan a big hug.  Then he got around to me and I was waiting on him to say hi to me, when he goes “are you just gonna pretend you don’t like me, Eli?”  I really wanted to tell him I’m not pretending, but I just played it off.  Anyways, throughout the night, he progressively got more drunk.  He kept coming up and hugging on Dylan, play wrestling with him, tickling him, etc.  All while I’m sitting right there and the guy he brought was at the next table over.  I made eye contact with Sav and she just widened her eyes at me, kinda like a “what the fuck is going on” look.  It was uncomfortable.

I don’t know what’s going on with me and Dylan.  I don’t know why we’re suddenly so hellbent on hurting each other.  I want to go back to when we were good and everything felt okay.  Because this does not feel okay.

Hopefully things will change soon.  Dylan got a GA position for Housing, and this position requires him to stay in a building on campus.  So in a couple weeks, he’ll be moving out of my apartment.  It’ll be sad not seeing him all the time, but I think that’s why we’ve been so toxic to one another.  Not to mention he will also have to leave his job at Sanderson, so we won’t work together anymore either.  Having some time apart will be much needed.  Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Let me set this straight.  I love Dylan with my entire capacity.  Nothing in this goddamn world is gonna take him away from me except for Death themselves.  Relationships are not perfect, not even the best ones.  Dylan is my best friend and he will be in my life for the rest of it if I can help it.  We’re allowed to have cracks, we’re allowed to struggle, we’re allowed to have our moments.  There is purity and love between us that can’t be stifled.  No relationship is perfect.  Relationships are fabricated for media to look perfect but that isn’t real.  Real relationships have grit, stakes, growth, disputes, mistakes, trials, and change.

We will be okay.

We can get through this.

[mitchbeck]

PREVIEW: HARTFORD WOLF PACK GO HUNTING FOR HERSHEY BEARS

By Gerry  Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - The Hartford Wolf Pack are among the final eight AHL teams still playing in May. What seemed improbable seven weeks ago has become reality. Trade deadline moves and an incredible streak of winning 15 of their last 18 games have brought them to this place in the season. They knocked off the Springfield Thunderbirds in the first round. They followed that up by eliminating the Providence Bruins in four games in the second round, despite finishing 17 points behind them in the regular season. That puts the Pack on a collision course in the Division Finals with the Hershey Bears, who finished the regular season 16 points ahead of them. Pack Head Coach Kris Knoblauch knows the tall order that lies in front of them. “(They’re) a big strong team. Outstanding defensively; don’t give you much room,. That’s in part because of their defense. They have some players who can score goals. Their team specialties (powerplay and penalty kill) are very good. We're just gonna have to find a way to the net,“ He said. Hershey's physical height is plentiful. The Bears are led by their captain, the 6'5 defenseman and ex-Pack, Dylan McIlrath. McIlrath was much maligned when he was a member of the Wolf Pack. He played on the last Pack playoff team eight years ago. Ironically, that year, they eliminated Hershey. Joining McIlrath is Aliaksei Protas at 6’6, Gabriel Carlsson at 6’5, Vincent Iorio at 6’3, and Benton Maass, who's 6’2. Their two in-house goalies include the 6’4 Clay Stevenson and the 6'3 Garin Bjorklund. Bjorklund was recalled when the South Carolina Stingrays (ECHL) were eliminated from the Kelly Cup playoffs. It's possible that the 6’2 Zach Furcale will need to be dealt with all over the ice as well. The Bears have eight players who are 6’2 and taller. Casey Shepard will likely start in the net for the Bears. In terms of height, the Pack can counter with the 6’8 Matt Rempe and the 6’6 Adam Edström. PRODUCTION While during the regular season, no Wolf Pack player was anywhere near the top in player production categories. Now, in the postseason, the Pack finds themselves all over the stat sheet as the Atlantic Division final begins. Leading the way for the New York Rangers AHL affiliates is goaltender Dylan Garand who has a 5-1 with a 1.17 GAA, tops in the AHL. He also is at the top of the production sheet for netminders with two shutouts. He will likely start. In the plus/minus department, Ty Emberson is atop the AHL charts at plus-13. In second place in that category is Anton Blidh at plus-11. In assists, Lauri Pajuniemi is fifth-best in the league with eight. Tim Gettinger and Tanner Fritz find themselves in the Top Ten in scoring with seven points each. The Pack also has two of the top three leaders in PIMs. Adam Clendening and Will Lockwood. The top shot producer is Zac Jones. He's tied at 21. A team with a championship mindset expects to be playing its best and most productive hockey in the playoffs. The Wolf Pack are undoubtedly not only the best they've been all season, but you could also argue they're the best they've been in eight years. NOTES: The Rangers did some organizational housekeeping before leaving Tuesday to head to Hershey for Thursday’s series opener. They released from ATO and PTO deals 18-year-olds Bryce McConnell-Barker, who didn’t play, and Adam Sýkora, who played two regular season games and two playoff games. Sýkora might be added to the Slovakia World Championship team when the IIHF tourney starts May 12th running through May 29th. It's a 16-country tournament and will be played this year in Tampere, Finland, Pajuniemi's hometown. They will also play in Riga, Latvia. The team also sent home Maxim Barbashev and Ryder Korczak. When the Peterborough Petes earned a 3-2 victory in Game 7 on Monday night over the North Bay Battalion, it guaranteed that Brennan Othmann will not be coming to Hart City this spring. Othmann had the game-tying goal in the game, and in Game 6 had the tying goal and an assist on the game-winner. The Petes will also play for the John Ross Robertson OHL championship against the London Knights, coached by Dale Hunter, starting on Thursday. The Petes also feature Chase Stillman, grandson of former New Haven Knights and Springfield Indians' alum Bud Stefanski. A Memorial Cup berth for the tournament will be played in Kamloops, BC, at the Sandman Centre from Friday, May 26th, until Sunday, June 4th. That's where Garand spent his junior career. The Cup will be awarded to the winner. The Winnipeg Ice (WHL), coached by former Ranger/Whaler James Patrick, along with Easton Armstrong, the son of former Wolf Pack, Derek Armstrong, will be playing for the WHL Championship. They will have their home games (the first two) starting Friday at the Life Canada Centre, home of the NHL Winnipeg Jets against the Seattle Thunderbirds, Rempe's former junior team, that won 4-2 on Monday over the Kamloops Blazers, who still make the tournament as the host team. Lane Sim, the son of ex-Sound Tiger Jon Sim, was drafted by the OHL Sarnia Sting in the OHL Priority Draft a few weeks ago. He played for Weeks U-18 (NSMHL) in Nova Scotia. The WHL Bantam Draft is on Thursday. May 11th. Players from the two Western Provinces of British Columbia and Alberta and the three Western territories - the Northwest Territories, Nunavut, and the Yukon - are eligible. The US states of Alaska, Arizona, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Idaho, Kansas, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Utah, Washington, and Wyoming are eligible to be selected. The QMJHL Draft is on June 10th at the Palais des Sports in Sherbrooke, Quebec. The draft is divided into two separate drafts. In the first portion, the selections are primarily for kids from the Province of Quebec, the Canadian Maritimes, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island-PEI, and Newfoundland. Occasionally, a small number of New England players get taken. A separate US Draft will be held afterward, comprising Northeastern US states Connecticut, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, and Vermont are taken. Any US-born player who plays a second of major junior hockey is NCAA ineligible. Players from European countries, excluding Russia and Belarus, are taken in the CHL Import Draft in which all Canadian major junior teams participate. It will be held a week after the NHL Draft on July 5th. Usually, the top slots are taken by NHL draftees. Now former Wolf Pack’s Adam Sýkora was taken first overall by Medicine Hat (WHL) last year but elected to stay in Slovakia instead. The USHL Phase I Futures Draft and Phase II General Draft were completed a week ago. In Phase I, Mason Kraft, the son of ex-Sound Tiger Ryan Kraft, was selected in the fourth round (48th overall) by the Sioux Falls (SD) Stampede out of Moorhead HS (MN). In Phase II, Sioux Falls also chose Anthony Bongo (Ridgefield) from the Mid-Fairfield U-15 squad in the second round (18th overall). In the third round (33rd overall), Matej Teply (Stamford) was chosen. He played for the Selects Academy program at South Kent Prep. He was selected by the Chicago (Ill.) Steel. In the fifth round (63rd overall), Ronan Buckberger, the youngest son of former Beast of New Haven Ashley Buckberger, was selected by the Madison (WI) Capitols out of the Saskatoon U-18 (SMHL) program. Two years ago, he was selected by Swift Current (WHL). Taft’s (Watertown) top-flight goalie Rudy Guimond (Yale -ECACHL commit), from Pointe-Claire, Quebec, was selected by the Cedar Rapids (IA) Roughriders. He was taken in the fifth round (69th overall). Tate Pecknold (Southport), the son of Quinnipiac University (ECACHL) head coach of the defending national champion Bobcats, Rand Pecknold, was taken in the 13th round (185th overall) by the Omaha (NE) Lancers. This season, he transferred from Avon Old Farms (CT) to St. George’s (RI). Lastly, Jackson Potulny, the nephew of ex-Pack Ryan Potulny, was taken in the 13th round (197th overall) by the Chicago Steel. He was selected from the U-18 team from the successful Minnesota program at Shattuck’s St. Mary’s (NAPHL). Back in the AHL, the North Division final pits the Toronto Marlies against the Rochester Americans. The Marlies feature Quinnipiac University (ECACHL) goalie Keith Petruzzelli, who won against the Wolf Pack in April. They may get some players from around the corner if Florida eliminates the parent Toronto Maple Leafs. Rochester features Michael Mersch, the son of late New Haven Nighthawk Mike Mersch and ex-Bridgeport Sound Tiger Mason Jobst. The Hartford-Hershey tilt winner will play the North Division series winner for the Eastern Conference crown. Out west, two of the newest AHL teams, the Calgary Wranglers and Coachella Valley Firebirds, will square off. Player-wise, Calgary has former Rangers Kevin Rooney and Dryden Hunt. They also have Nick DeSimone (CT Oilers-EHL) and ex-UCONN (HE) defenseman Yan Kuznetsov. Behind the bench as one of the assistant coaches is former Whaler, New Haven Nighthawk, and Springfield Indian Don Nachbaur. The goalie coach is ex-Pack Mackenzie Skapski and AHL coach of the Year for two years in a row, Mitch Love. The Firebirds have former Quinnipiac University defenseman Brogan Rafferty. The Texas (Austin) Stars in the Central Division have just one Connecticut connection in GM Scott White, a one-time New Haven Senator. The Stars will tangle with the Milwaukee Admirals, who received nine players from the parent Nashville Predators. They feature recently acquired at the trade deadline from Hartford, Austin Rueschhoff, and ex-Pack captain and former UCONN (AHA years) player Cole Schneider. Also on the roster is Luke Evangelista, a second cousin to former Whaler Brendan Shanahan. The winners of those two series will battle for the Western Conference championship. The Charlotte Checkers released Mackie Samoskevitch (Sandy Hook) and Skylar Brind’Amour (Quinnipiac University) from their PTO and ATO deals. Charlie Risk of the NCAA Division III Independent, Albertus Magnus College (New Haven), signs with Mont Blanc (France-FFHG Division-2). HARTFORD WOLF PACK HOME Read the full article

[jq37]

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 1

The Case of the The Pernicious Party  

Hello, hello, hello! It’s been a hot second but your resident D20 recapper is back to tackle the newest season: Mice and Murder! Y’all had to know I wasn’t gonna sit out the murder mystery, are you kidding me???

I might be playing around with the format a bit in the coming weeks to make sure I have the best possible system for keeping track of possible clues, suspects, and theories as we untangle whatever web Brennan weaves for us this season so don’t be surprised if things change a little. 

Anyway, without further ado, onto our mystery!

Summary

In case you missed it, this season takes place in an alternate, Zootopia/Wind in the Willows-esque universe where all the characters are animals but history seems to have happened in more or less the same way--for example there was still a King Charles but he was a King Charles Spaniel (cute Brennan). Our story specifically takes place in the English village of Tufting Meadows.  

We start with Katie’s character--Gangie Green (Weasel/Thief Rogue) in the graveyard of the Anglican Chapel (Our Lady of Prayerful Paws). Gangie, we learn, is an orphan who was kicked out of the orphanage at some point for thievery. Obviously, he’s not reformed of the habit because he is here to do some graverobbing. On a nat 20 (that Katie hilariously doesn’t notice even though her total is like a 29) Gangie can see through the window of the rectory that there is a weeping window inside--Catherine McCabbage who is being (dubiously) tended to by Raph’s character, Vicar Ian Prescott (Owl/Bard, College of Eloquence). 

Ian comes from a line of men of the cloth but he’s not exactly the best speaker despite his subclass. He’s doing his best though! The widow’s husband (Conor McCabbage) died at the local mill in what has been declared an accident but she suspects foul play. She’s been hearing his voice on the wind and wants Ian’s professional opinion on whether this could be a sign from God or if her husband might be speaking to her from beyond the grave or something like that. Ian gives a very muddled and not very comforting answer but seems pretty sure that something sketchy did in fact happen. Then, he sees a crack of lightning outside which illuminates the graveyard where he gets a glimpse of Gangie. 

He goes to check it out (and Gangie fully has an elderly goat he’s dug up slung over his shoulder) but “gravedigger” is his legit job so Ian decides to assume whatever’s going on is legit and not ask too many questions. He goes back to the widow (who, before she leaves, says that maybe sometimes people need to work on God’s behalf) while Gangie takes the body Loam Hall (a massive manor, built into a hill).

We cut to the next day and our next two characters! 

At 22B Hamsted Street in a pretty well appointed home are Ally and Grant’s characters. First up, we have Lars Vandenchomp (Huge ass Doberman/Battlemaster Fighter) who is so tough looking but also so Swedish sounding--it’s A Lot (so, incredibly on brand for Ally). Lars is security for Grant’s character Sylvester Cross (Fox/Inquisitive Rogue) who is a kinda (to use Grant’s word) “foppish” Sherlock Holmes type. He was hired by Squire William Thornwall Brockhollow to figure out what happened with Conor McCabbage (and clear him of negligence in running the mill) but he couldn’t find any evidence of any funny business, making this the only case he’s never cracked. He’s not as young or popular as he once was so this is, understandably, bumming him out. He’s even more bummed out when he realizes that William has invited him to his 60th birthday party that’s happening that night (as kind of a prop to show that he did his part in trying to solve the mystery) and Lars has already RSVP’d yes. He grudgingly agrees to go as it’s one of those asks that’s really more of a veiled demand but decides to pull the money he was paid from the bank first so he can return it and really stick it to the guy.

Finally, we cut to our last set of PCs who are on their way to Tufting Meadows via a very luxurious train. Inside are Sam and Rekha’s characters! Sam is Buckster $ Boyd (Peccary which is like a small boar/Mastermind Rouge) a Texan Oil Tycoon who acts exactly how you’d expect a Texan Oil Pig to act. Yes, you pronounce the dollar sign as “dollar sign” (even though as we find out later his middle name is Cassius so it’s like Cash which I think is super cool). With him is Rekha’s character, Daisy D'umpstaire (Raccoon/Assassin (???) Rogue another American (from South Carolina) though it seems she’s My Fair Lady’d herself into an upper class socialite (her last name was previously Dumpster). They’re traveling with their accountant, an Armadillo named Armond who seems kinda skittish and concerned about their travel expenses but Buck tells him that to make money you gotta spend money and they’re gonna make a *ton* of money on this trip. They’re also so so mean to him for absolutely no reason. 

When the train stops, they’re greeted by Templeton Padhop (a frog, natch) who is the chauffeur of Loan Hall, sent to fetch them. A wheel on his car is broken so he joins in on the Armond abuse immediately and has Armond roll into an Armadillo ball and replace it. Poor guy. When they show up they're greeted by a footman--a pug in a bowler hat named Milo Snout.

Meanwhile, Lars and Sly (Oh, Sly fox, I see what you did there Grant) are similarly greeted by another footman--a lizard named Basil Baskins. On a 23 perception check, Lars sees that Jeremy “Jez” Brockhollow is inside (the son of William who is a badger btw) and also clocks Gangie (who they know as a career criminal who disappeared like a year ago). Gangie doesn’t notice Lars though. 

Ian, who is also invited, shows up at about the same time as Sly but very quickly, the conversation is taken over by Lucretia “Lucy” Brockhollow, William’s older, eccentric sister who immediately gets into it with Lars about astrology and the occult (she thinks bad stuff is happening because of a curse let loose when Sly’s old rival--a rabbit named Fletcher Cottonbottom who is the son of his former employer--opened an Egyptian tomb). They’re thick as thieves right away because Ally is a nonsense magnet. And not like a regular magnet, one of those big electromagnets. 

Daisy and Buck spot William’s kids--the aforementioned Jez and his older sister Constance--along with their husbands Dr. Corbin Magpie (Constance’s and obv a magpie and a doctor) and Osmond Sheffield (Jez’s who is a Ram and a lawyer). Daisy is too stuck in her conversation with a truly unhinged squirrel (Lady Eugenia Bristlebrush who clearly does not know she’s in a murder mystery because she just keeps talking about how much she hates and wants to kill everyone) to hear what’s going on but she indicates the conversation to Buck who is able to eavesdrop and hear that they’re lamenting that Catherine--the widow--RSVP’d no which is gonna look really bad, like they didn’t invite her (bad PR). 

Buck, introducing himself as a business partner of William, eases into a conversation with the husbands which their respective spouses also join into and we learn that Buck's dad was British and a friend of Willian’s. Buck bonds with Jez (who is a bit of a dilettante) really quickly since Buck is ready to go drinks-wise immediately (and there’s a stellar pun about the “American [Drinking] Constitution''). Through the window, Buck notices Gangie outside getting his attention. 

At the same time, Ian is going from party guest to party guest, giving out the penances he forgot to earlier at church (as one does). We see him talking to the Lord and Lady Bramble (a cow and hedgehog, respectively) and while she wants to pray her way out of situations without doing any legwork, he wants to buy his way out and gives Ian 250 pounds. A frustrating but financially lucrative conversation.  

Buck goes outside to talk to Gangie who has a list of names of the bodies he’s been collecting. We’re not told what Buck is doing but it seems that this list is extremely valuable to him in some way. Gangie (who Buck keeps calling Gangly, to his annoyance) pays him handsomely (like, with a 50% tip) for the list (and Gangie gives him the real list, despite Brennan saying he didn’t have to). We also learn that Gangie has allegedly been getting the orders from someone in Loa Hall and they flow from William himself.

Matilda Molesly (a mole and the head maid) invites Gangie to come in from the rain--she’s the only person who’s been consistently nice to him and he agrees to come in for tea and scones. 

Everyone is ushered together by the butler (because of course there’s a butler--he’s quite literally a fancy rat named Thomas Gilfoyle) and William gives a speech where he wishes Conor well and kinda highlights that he did hire Sly to solve the case in a “Hey, I did my bit don’t blame me” kind of way. He also makes a 150k pound donation to the church (and Ian thought 250 was good) and tells his daughter not to read the praise he got for it from the cardinal when she mentions it (I wonder if that was choreographed). Sly interrupts the speech to “magnanimously” give his money back, to William’s annoyance. Buck notices that Lawrence Longfoot (a nouveau rich, rabbit photographer) takes a pic of the scene but with Sly in the foreground and William in the background. 

Then, a few things happen at once (in a very cinematic way):

As the camera flashes, Mrs. Molesly drops her tray, eyes hurt by the light. Lady Calliope Fawnbrooke (Deer, Matron of the Arts) helps her up.

In the moment of dark, after the flash goes away, the butler disappears. 

Buck thinks he sees a shape through the window, out in the rain. 

A cheer goes up for Sly for returning the money but all Sly can focus on is one figure he recognizes in the back of the room. Daisy, who is downing her drink and not cheering for him. He downs his as well, and looks at her until she breaks the stare and leaves the room. 

And this episode doesn’t end with a dead body like I thought, but with a flashback to a younger Sylvester, 12 years ago when he first met Daisy.

PC INTERPERSONAL DRAMA Y’ALL!!! Get HYPED! 

Case Notes

Here is a compilation of all the characters (PCs and NPCs introduced in this episode). 

Sly mentions that Ignatius Cottonbottom faked his own death as a part of some scheme which seems like a backstory point that might come back later--we now know that there exists a way to convincingly fake your own death in this world. 

Sly walks with a walking stick because of some “mysterious accident” but we’re jumping into a flashback next week so it looks like we might find out about it pretty soon. 

Sly also mentions he used to be the personal physician to the elder Cottonbottom so those are skills he has. I wonder if that’ll be useful to this healer-less party. I wonder if cleric was even an option in this world which seems to be low to no magic. It would explain by Ian is a bad and not a cleric. 

Lars has a military background which I wanted to mention in case it becomes relevant later. 

And Dr. Magpie grew up poor and still acts it a bit even though he married a very rich woman. Brennan uses the very good line, “He forces his body into the shape of an apology”

This might be a really deep cut reference but did anyone else here was the old Britcom “Keeping Up Appearances”? Cause I was getting serious Bouquet/Bucket energy from Daisy. 

This is an all College Humor season and it shows. The energy of 6 (7 if you count Brennan) top notch comedians sparking off of each other, trying to one up each other is off the charts. Some of the best bits this episode:

“When God closes every door but one, you go through the door that is open.” followed by “I’m an owl by the way.”

“Time is money, here’s both” from Buck re his inscribed gold pocket watch--everyone at the table loved that so much and they’re right. 

Armond going from being a third to a fourth wheel. 

And the names--I already shouted out a ton on the main recap but also a rat butler (like Rhett Butler) and naming the mouse Cat(therine). Can’t forget Gangie Green/gangrene from Katie. Also points to Ally for the data stealing Eel Musk which broke Brennan a little. 

I know we just went through this with Crown of Candy but what are these animals eating? Like, in Zootopia there were only mammals so we can assume the carnivores are eating like birds and fish but there are sentient birds here. I know this isn’t important. I’m not trying to do a CinemaSins gotcha. I just wonder, you know?

Y’all were waiting for all the lights to go out during that speech and then come back on and there’d be a body too, right?

If Brennan makes the bad guy a chicken or a duck or something so he can make a “fowl play” joke, he is cordially invited to catch these hands. 

I have been waiting for Raph and Katie to do D20 forever. Their specific brand of nonsense on Rank Room was always amazing. 

I love love love that Grant and Rekha are the PCs that have ~a past~ because they are so funny together. If you haven’t seen their episode of Game Changers, you absolutely must (it’s also a murder mystery actually!). 

[americanegg]

egg’s digestible guide for attainable rides: cyberpunk 2077

(cheap to mad expensive) post then later a (free quest cars) post

Car Model >  €$ (Fixer). All details about each are my own experience. Location of vehicle by district and waypoint.

(Reminder that if you’re short on eddies you can do Gigs, Sidequests, and “Assault in Progress” mini quests to get rich and level up.)

1. Thorton Galena G240 > €$ 13,000 (Regina)

Rusty hunk of junk but functional, especially after your car gets bodied in the beginning of Act 2. Located in the garage of your apartment building.

2. Makigai MaiMai P126 >  €$ 14,000 (Wakako)

Small. Super fucking small but decent and could turn into a red bullet on the highway at the cost of absolutely no control on your turns. Located in the southern part of Charter Hill, Westbrook sitting neatly in a small parking lot.

3. Mahir Supron FS3 >  €$ 16,000 (Reyes)

Sort of van type situation but compact. Cheap and definitely made of plastic. Like it says that in the lore. Located East from Hargreaves St waypoint in Arroyo.

4. Chevillon Thrax 388 Jefferson >  €$ 17,000 (Padre)

It’s a smooth ride, I’ll give Padre that. Long in length and takes years to turn with but it’s not made for street racing so it’s still decent for traffic and looking like a corpo. Located directly South of the Pumping Station waypoint in Wellsprings.

5. Villefort Columbus V340-F Freight >  €$ 19,000 (Dino)

Another van-type situation with plenty of seating. Could drive your kids to soccer with this one and get there in one piece. Average vehicle overall but can go 210mph if needed. Located SouthWest of the Downtown Central waypoint and sitting in a parking lot.

6. Thorton Galena “Gecko” >  €$ 21,000 (Dakota)

Found in the Badlands this is a great choice for rocky roads at 100mph. Go crazy and go stupid outside the city with this bad boy. Shred rubber and whatnot. Be wary of turns and speed in rocky areas as you can make as much airtime as a dirtbike on a ramp! Located SouthWest of the Old Turbines waypoint in the Eastern Badlands.

This is where Street Cred Level will come into play along with your pocket full of eddies:

(cred = streetcred level)

7. Kaiba Kusanagi CT-3X >  €$ 22,000 > 12 cred (Wakako)

Right after Jackie’s Arch, this is my favorite ride in the game. She’s sleek, perfect for bypassing traffic, and very well-designed. Located in an abandoned parking lot in Japantown, Westbrook directly NorthEast of the Skyline and Salinas waypoint.

8. Archer Quartz EC-L R275 > €$ 29,000 > 12 cred (Regina)

Another great set of wheels for burning rubber and kicking up sand in the Badlands, if you have the eddies for it. Located South of the Offshore St waypoint in Northside and immediately next to a Neutralize the Perps mini quest.

9. Chevillon Emperor 620 Ragnar >  €$ 32,000 > 12 cred (Dino)

First of the heavy duty SUV you acquire at 30k eddies. Didn’t drive this one very much since I’m a small and sleek kinda dude but if you need to ram a taxi or show off to your video game girlfriend your chunky ride, here is the car for you. Located in Corpo Plaza SouthWest of Arasaka Tower waypoint or NorthWest of Reconciliation Park waypoint.

10. Villefort Cortes V5000 Valor >  €$ 37,000 > 12 cred (Padre)

If you want to look like an asshole you can check this one out. Pretty much a bougie limosine type situation. Long car so long turns my guy. Located in Wellsprings, Heywood sitting in a parking lot West of Berkeley & Bay waypoint. 11. Thorton Colby C240T (aka Thorton Colby C125) >  €$ 39,000 > 20 cred (Regina)

Vehicles to pick up your gf/bf and go to a drive-in theater with? This one. Smooth ride with plenty of seating to do you know what at said drive-in theater definitely not watching Bushido 3. Located Northside, Westbrook South of the Docks waypoint in a small parking lot in front of the Ded Zed clothing store.

12. Thorton Colby CX410 Butte (Green) >  €$ 43,000 > 12 cred (Reyes)

Imma be honest... I’m a slut for Thorton car models. This one is straight up satisfying to my ears and eyes. Located in the parking lot of PieZ waypoint in Rancho Coronado, Santo Domingo.

13. Thorton Colby “Little Mule” >  €$ 49,000 > 12 cred (Dakota)

Truckin and fuckin around the Badlands? This is definitely the car for you!  Located near the Sunset Motel parking lot in the Eastern Badlands.

14. Quadra Type-66 Avenger >  €$ 55,000 > 20 cred (Dino)

Remember those Need for Speed games? No? Well imagine it for a second and look at this preem ride. Got that image in your mind? Now look at your wallet. Located West of Metro: Republic Way waypoint tucked under the Empathy club building.

15. Quadra Type-66 “Jen Rowley” (aka Quadra Type-66 640 TS)  >  €$ 58,000 > 20 cred (Reyes)

If you haven’t noticed, Quadra Type-66 are very good at designing cars that make you look like you shred these streets since you were a babe. Like, Baby from Baby Driver would fuck this ride up, you know it choom. Located West of Kendal Park waypoint in Rancho Coronado, no more than 2-minute walk away.

16. Villefort Alvarado V4F 570 Delegate >  €$ 62,000 > 20 cred (Padre)

Another Limo! I’ll be honest, six wheels on a car this low is crazy but Villefort always finds a way. This is the ride you’d drive to your corpo apartment to go pick up your corpo wife so you can take your corpo ride to a nearby corpo restaurant and only drink Spunky Monkey in a wine bottle. Located directly West of the Palms View Way waypoint in The Glen.

17. Herrera Outlaw GTS >  €$ 62,000 > 30 cred (Dino)

Limousine type body but god damn if it ain’t gorgeous to look at. A real sexy piece of wheels, this one. Located in Corpo Plaza, North of Ring Road waypoint. 

18. Quadra Type-66 “Javelina” >  €$ 73,000 > 30 cred (Dakota)

God am I a fan of rides that pick up hefts of sand and dirt? Yeah, I am. Do I love how this car looks? Absolutely. As a Nomad V, is this one of the sexiest rides you can get? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. Located in Southern Badlands near the Protein Farm waypoint.

19. Mizutani Shion MZ2 >  €$ 75,000 > 30 cred (Regina)

Not gonna lie, this is the car that occupies my headspace every time I boot up Cyberpunk. Maybe it’s the name, maybe it’s the design, maybe it’s the car I would take to my honeymoon, idk. Located in the same garage as the Thorton Galena in Little China, Watson.

20. Quadra Type-66 “Cthulhu” >  €$ 76,000 > No cred requirement (Regina or Sampson)

Condition to receive for free: Sparing Samson in “The Beast In Me” side quest

Okay other than Beast which is a chonky beast this one is a very speedy beast with classic racecar features but bulky armor. The wiki literally says this ride has 666 horsepower so you KNOW this shit is gonna slap as soon as you get in and hear that engine, dawg.  Can be found in Little China, Watson in Megabuilding H10.

21. Brennan Apollo >  €$ 94,000 > 30 cred (Padre)

If you thought Jackie’s ARCH and the Yaiba Kusanagi was sexy boy you will not be disappointed. Smaller and more compact but a speedy on the highways and countryside. Side Effect is you’ll look like the coolest pizza delivery driver in Night City. Located in Vista Del Ray, Heywood a short walk away East of Delamain HQ waypoint. 22. Mizutani Shion “Coyote” >  €$ 115,000 > 20 cred (Dakota)

... Look at her. Just... just look at her. Look at those wheels, that build, the spoiler, look at her! I would own so many Hot Wheels and have her in a display case alright. Like, you know what you’re signing up for at 100k eddies for Dakota. Like this car that was originally used for scooting around the city was LITERALLY modded for the Badlands. As a Nomad this is a must-have. Located in the Eastern Badlands, North of the Sunshine Motel waypoint.

23. Thorton Mackinaw MTL1 >  €$ 128,000 > 30 cred (Reyes)

The most SUV that ever SUV’ed in Night City. Reyes calls you for this one and shit, it’s new, it’s spotless, it’s a shiny new car, and trouncing down Badlands, the streets of Kabuki, Pacifica, name it. This beaut does go maximum of around 150mph but with how big this bad boy is, it can charge through the highways but be wary of how you turn corners! Located around the block from the Red Dirt Bar waypoint to the East in Arroyo, Santo Domingo.

24. Quadra Turbo-R 740 >  €$ 129,000 > 30 cred (Wakako)

TURBO-TASTIC ride. Again, of racecar design, you can almost smell the 1980s nostalgia from the picture alone. Located in the Dynalar building/waypoint in Charter Hill, Westbrook.

25. ARCH Nazaré >  €$ 138,000 > 40 cred (Wakako)

Writing this guide up to this point I have discovered that Old Lady Wakako knows what “fucking nova” means because all the cars she offers are fucking bangers so of COURSE she would offer an ARCH bike like this bumblebee badboy. You can see all the fun bits in and around the bike to know what you’re getting into so expect some hella smooth sailing. Located on the way TO the Drive-In Theatre in the lot of the Gig: A Shrine Defiled. South of Drive-in Theatre, North Oak, Westbrook.

26. Rayfield Caliburn (White) >  €$ 157,000 > 40 cred (Dino)

Dino actually coming in clutch with this last call for vehicles he offers. Like, I had to look up what “hypercar” meant to logistically know how hype this car makes me every time I hit the gas. At high speeds the engines purr like a cat, which is a whole other satisfying experience after driving hunks of junk. Located West of the Corporation St. waypoint in Downtown, City Center.

27. Rayfield Aerondight S9 “Guinevere” >  €$ 225,000 > 50 cred (Wakako)

Um... so... this is- this is the last car from Wakako. I haven’t even gotten to the point of being able to afford this... this... work of art. I can only imagine, with the Rayfield brand, that it’s better than the Caliburn. Which I don’t even think that’s possible but once I buy it I’ll let you know. Located North of the Columbariam or directly West of the North Oak Sign waypoints in North Oak, Westbrook.

Yo, if this guide helps you or makes your day or think it’s absolutely genius or dogshit don’t forget to like/reblog! Share with your friends!

Free Vehicle Post coming soon!

Images from gamesatlas.com, cyberpunk.fandom.com, & game-maps.com

[tory-ben-hi-shelton]

my favourite quotes from code

"Okay, pal." Ben gripped our captive at both ends. "Count your blessings that my friend here is a total softy."

It'd been nice fishing alone with Ben. The two of us didn't spend much one-on-one time together, and he often went mute when Hi and Shelton were around. Probably because those two never let anyone get a word in edgewise.

"Don't be such a baby." I teased. "They're practically lap dogs."

"Lap dogs won't rip your face off. Or eat you."

"All in all," Shelton said, "this is a tremendously dumb game."

"You're a dumb game." Hi shot back.

More dramatic moans, but the boys stopped what they were doing.

"Fine." Hi.

"Whatever." Shelton.

"One time." Ben held up a single finger. "One."

"This game is popular?" Ben was sitting on his tackle box in the shade of a large Elm. "Sounds pretty nerdtastic to me."

"We can't all practice birdcalls like you."

"Honey, in my day a young lady didn't speak to her elders like that. We were taught manners." I was about to further reduce her opinion of my upbringing when the shade to Kit's office rose.

Kit once said I terrify him. He meant it in a good way. I think. Pretty sure.

"Tory!" Whitney squealed. "He's going to attack!"

"Maybe." I walked into the kitchen and snagged a diet coke from the fridge. "Try to protect your throat."

"Tory!!!"

"Later." Jason tossed a head nod to Hi and Shelton as he passed them. The Two Stooges clumsily returned the gesture.

Shelton drifted back to my side wearing a sly grin. "That was smooth, player."

"Shut it."

"I know." I signed, turned. Ben often knew what I was thinking.

Shelton rapped a short sting of characters just above the signature: Hemxvivobz

"That's useful." Hi said. "Sounds like a sex position."

"Like everything you do is cool," Hi snorted. "Still have that ninja costume you wore to my twelfth birthday party?"

"Ben, that's brilliant."

Suddenly, the boy was all blushes.

"No big deal. Easy, really."

"We have got to work on our decision making process." Shelton was shaking his head. "Right now we just follow Tory over every cliff."

"Oh, boohoo." I mocked. "Get moving."

Already handsome, flaring took his attractiveness to a whole new level. His coppery skin practically glowed in the evening light. I turned quickly, surprised by the colour rising to my cheeks.

Ben took a breathe, seemed to realize how hard he was clutching me. His hand dropped as if burned.

"Come on Shel-Dogg," Hi stuck out a fist. "After everything we've done, the dark shouldn't scare you anymore."

"And yet, it does." A moment passed, then Shelton reluctantly bumped Hi's fist.

Terrified, I lunged towards my wolf dog. An arm circled my wait and dragged me to the ground.

"Just follow my lead." Code for: I have no idea.

"Very nice," I said. "I wasn't aware break dancing was back in style."

"Now you are." Hi popped open a bag of Bugles. "I also do a killer mime."

Ben smiled for the first time all afternoon. It was nice to see. When he deigned to flash his pearly whites, Ben went from sullen boy to charming young man. I much preferred the latter.

"What happened?"

"A crazy female line backer pummeled my chest." Hi grumbled. "She's still pinning me to the ground. And she isn't as light as she might think."

Their Cinderella run had made Shelton and Hi popular with the older kids. The two were joking and talking trash, seemingly holding their own. For some reason, this made me proud. What an odd thought.

Without thinking, I launched myself at Ben, catching him off guard. The weight of my body knocked him over backward. Never hesitating, I jumped on his chest and started slapping his face.

Ben was slouched in the copilots chair, too dizzy to stand.

"He's no good for you," Ben said abruptly. "Doesn't deserve you."

"Just be quiet." Soft. "We're almost home."

Ben's eyes were slits. "That guy, he's..." His hand rose, fell. "Dime a dozen. Doesn't know anything. About you. The real you."

Mercifully, Ben trailed off. In moments, he was snoring.

Hi and I headed for the lot. I hoped Wimpy and Vomitasaurus and gotten their acts together.

"Off-limits." Shelton muttered. I chose not to hear.

"I could kiss you, Tory."

"Some other time."

"Choir practice?" Ben rolled his eyes. "Perhaps your worst cover story ever."

Hi grabbed Shelton by the cheeks. "You, sir, are a genius." He leaned forward to kiss eachother one.

"I try." Shelton flailed as Hi his first sloppy smacker. "Man, get off me!"

"Problem? Why?"

Hi looked at me strangely. "We're a little busy Friday night."

"Busy? Doing what?"

The boys exchanged a look. Hi snorted.

"I don't know about you," Shelton said, "but I'm escorting my friend Victoria to her debutante ball."

"Fine! I won't go anywhere else alone. Ever again. Scouts honour."

"You're not a scout," Hi pointed out. "No loopholes, Miss Brennan."

I nearly ground my teeth. "On my honour as a lady, Hiram."

"Excellent! I accept."

Hi lifted the heavy cream envelope penned with my name. "What's this?"

"Oh, that." Could anything matter less right now? "You guys are gonna love it."

I passed along our invitation to the Claybourne Manor. Their groans drew every eye in the room.

"Ben, stop the boat."

He looked at me funny. "We're in the middle of the ocean, Victoria."

"Jason's my friend," I said quietly, "but he's not a Viral. He's not part of my pack. He'll never mean as much to me as you do."

Ben's eyes snapped to meet mine. He stared at me intently. I felt my cheeks burn.

"And Hi and Shelton, of course." I added quickly.

"Of course."

"We're always one step behind. Running straight into whatever direction the Gamemaster points. He's owning us right now. Scripting our every freaking move!"

Abruptly Ben was beside me, his hand finding mine. "Later, Tor."

Voices intruded from far away.

"Oh man, she really did it this time!"

"Should we call a nurse?" Panicky. "An ambulance?"

"And say what, exactly?" hissed a third. "That our friend passed out after some bad telepathy?"

I considered running away. Joining a travelling circus. I had a savings account, and a tiny trust fund courtesy of Aunt Tempe. I could probably get as far as Singapore before anyone noticed. I'm very resourceful.

Hi, naturally, had opted for flair. His tux was crushed purple velvet with tails, accented by all white silk—tie, vest, gloves and suspenders. He completed the outfit with a freaking top hat and cane. Whitney had nearly fainted on seeing him.

Ben lurched forward to catch my elbow. "Jason will escort her."

Unable to speak, I thanked him with my eyes. "You'll do great," Ben whispered, patting my hand. "Just picture them all in their underwear." I gave a decidedly unladylike snort.

"Don't choke, Boat Girl."

I almost laughed. "Step off, bitch."

"Oh, we're, um playing a pretty serious game of Dungeons and Dragons," Hi stammered. "I'm, like, the head ... unicorn master, and Tory has to find my magic... beans. Seeds."

Hi cracked the door. "Ladies first."

"Why, thank you, sir."

For the hell of it, I dropped into another formal curtesy. The boys snickered. Then, straightening their soiled garments as best they could, gave me a polite round of applause.

"You okay, Tor?" Shelton had a sandbag on one shoulder, hauled up from the beach. "We don't have time for an ER run."

"We could amputate," Hi suggested. "Shelton, get the whiskey."

"Comedians, both of you."

"I dreamed it."

"Aha! You dreamed it." Hi yawned and rubbed both his eyes. "I think it's time we get you medicated."

"Good thing we're Virals," Ben said.

Our eyes met. He actually smiled.

"I'm with Tory," Ben said firmly. "To the end."

"Thank you." I felt a rush of affection. When it really matters, I can always count on Ben.

I stared at Ben, aghast, incapable of speech. My friend. My confidant. Trusted above all others on earth.

[ohmightydevviepuu]

the red queen [1/1]

to @profdanglaisstuff​ for the suggestion; to @katie-dub​ for the gut-check and encouragement; to @thisonesatellite​ for existing.

happy (belated) birthday to a beloved friend.  i feel so lucky that we have found each other.

this is a continuation of my space pirates AU, sanguine, adj. ‘hopeful’.  (it also means bloody).  if the earlier parts were a premise pilot...think of this as a procedural.  shamelessly inspired by “the train job” (firefly 1x02) and “the three-card monte job” (leverage 3x09), because i think i am hilarious (sometimes) and i have a writing crush on john rogers.

proximity alert cell block 1138 a good day

AO3

The man was tall and dark. Broody type, scruffy-looking, but he walked into the bar like he owned it. Slid onto a barstool, let the length of his battered greatcoat hang behind him and looked around with piercing blue eyes that missed nothing. Within two seconds he was followed by a woman, tall and broad, beautiful with black hair that curled and hung nearly to her waist, just above the gun she kept holstered there. Their movements had the ease of old reflex: he walked ahead, ready to encounter whatever might come at them first. She stayed close, but behind, ready to watch his back.

The bartender eyed them warily, watched the man’s gaze take in everything. He turned to the woman and asked, “What’ll you have?”

“Whisky,” she said. “Straight.”

He turned to the man and repeated the question.

“Actually, mate,” the man said, with a wink directed not at the bartender but squarely at the vidcam placed over the bartender’s shoulder. “Is it okay if I just sit here until a gorgeous blonde walks in?”

Will Scarlet spit out his drink, drops splattering on the commscreen in front of him.

Where he was watching them, of course. No way was he letting that cheeky asshole off coms or off cams again. Ever.

Ursula snorted.

The bartender rolled his eyes. “Whatever you want, mate,” he said, pulling a bottle from the counter to pour Ursula’s drink. She threw an extra couple of credits on the bartop and shook her head in commiseration.

But the door opened and in walked an objectively good-looking blonde woman. Her hair was shorter than Ursula’s, a bit awkward really, not that Will knew anything about women’s hair, but it was still closer to Federation regulation-length than anything else and it was tied back in the sort of tight tail that the Feds encouraged for anyone with long hair.

She had green eyes and she stopped when the man’s landed on her, cocking her head and smirking.

“You’re kidding me,” Will muttered, taking another sip of his drink. “Smug bastard.”

“Hello, beautiful,” the man said. The woman stepped up to the bar and the man took her hand in his, bending over it to place a kiss in her palm. “Captain Killian Jones, at your service. Can I offer you a drink?”

The bartender’s jaw dropped.

Ursula shook her head and took another sip of whisky, ignoring the scene playing out next to her.

The woman’s eyes glittered. “Listen, Jones--”

“I prefer ‘Captain’,” he said, waggling his eyebrows.

“I bet you do,” she murmured, leaning closer to him until her head was just above his ear. “Touch me again, Captain, and I’ll have you arrested for assault.”

“Is that a threat?”

The woman brushed her red leather jacket so the flash of metal at her hip gleamed and Will saw the bartender take notice. “It’s a promise.”

So did every other patron of the bar.

“Dammit, Killian,” Will groused.

Emma Swan turned and, with a wink of her own, nodded at Will in the camera. The bartender poured her a shot and turned back to the Captain.

Emma drank off the shot and left.

Will exhaled.

“How’s it going?” Robin Locksley walked up behind him, taking a seat in the co-pilot’s chair of the cockpit.

“You know, the usual,” Will muttered.

“Oh god, oh god, we’re all gonna die?” Robin smiled.

“Not yet,” Will said. “Give it time.”

Killian Jones, Captain, looked at the bartender. “A shot of rum, if you please,” he said, and the bartender sighed. Killian was fiddling with something in his hand as he fumbled for the requisite credits and then all of the blood seemed to drain from his face as he went very still, and very pale.

Next to him, Ursula tensed. Reflex.

She looked quickly to the camera and shook her head and Will drew in a deep breath.

“What’s up?” Rob asked, leaning toward him.

“Dunno.” Will shrugged. “Nothing good. You had to go and jinx it.”

From the end of the bar there was a sound.

Clap. Clap. Clap.

It was slow. It was the dripping water of a faucet.

Killian’s jaw muscle twitched and he turned.

The man had long hair, down to his chin in waves, run through with silver. His moustache and beard framed his mouth and tapered off at the sides.

He had piercing blue eyes.

“Hello, Dad,” Killian said.

Will was silent, his mouth hanging open. Next to him, Robin was still.

Emma’s voice crackled over the comm. “Did he just say--”

“Fuck,” Will said.

--

“Hello, dad,” Killian said, keeping his voice calm but feeling the twitch in his jaw and the itch in his fingers. He willed himself to be still, to look the man square in the eye for the first time in--

“I got a out, you know,” Brennan Jones said. “A while ago, in fact.”

Twenty years.

That’s how long it had been since his father left.

“Didn’t see you, though, at the prison colony spaceport waiting to pick me up in that fancy ship of yours,” Brennan said.

Twenty years since Brennan had left, twelve years since he had got caught running cons and games on rich marks on the central planets. The Federation, as Killian knew only two well, did not take kindly to larceny and thieving unless they were the ones doing both and Brennan had been caught, tried--and shipped off to ‘Neverland’.

They said it was a place where time stood still for its inmates, stuck while the world passed them by.

Twenty years.

“Yeah,” Killian said. “Yeah, I was kind of busy. Visiting my mother’s grave, you know. Visiting Liam’s grave.”

Brennan clucked his tongue in a noise that made Killian cringe. A noise that haunted his dreams on his bad nights, of his father’s disapproval, his indifference. Killian hated that noise and hated even more that it still held sway over him.

“All your life,” Brennan said, “you thought you were better than me. Never showed any respect.”

“What, exactly, did you do to deserve respect?” Killian said.

Twenty years, but Brennan still knew about the Jolly Roger, knew where to find him, knew exactly what buttons to push and strings to pull to make Captain Killian Jones feel like an angry child.

What else did he know?

Brennan turned to Ursula and said, with a tip of his head in affected gallantry, “Would you give us a moment? I’d like to talk to my son, here. My good-form, never-break-the-rules-son. Look at him now, yeah? Nothing but his own personal balls-and-bayonets brigade, living off the raggedy edge on the wrong side of the law. Nothing but a pirate, a criminal like his old man.”

Ursula ignored him, looked at Killian. Killian nodded. “Head back. We still have a job to do.”

His hand tightened around the crinkled piece of paper Emma had passed him.

The one with the name of their contact on this job.

Brennan Jones.

He thought of her and he tried to summon the feel of her fingers against his skin as if it would give him strength or hope or succor.

Maybe it did. Ursula’s eyes were black stones of judgment as Killian ran his hand through his hair and met her gaze and then, finally, she nodded.

“Pleasure meeting you,” Brennan called to her retreating back. “Now, about that job--”

--

“Run it,” Killian growled, his voice low and weary.

Emma looked around the cockpit, from Will to Robin to Nemo to Ursula and even to Ariel, who fidgeted visibly, more uncomfortable than Emma had ever seen her.

Whale stood off to the side, his arms crossed, shaking his head.

“Maybe we should discuss it first,” Emma said. “I know I feel a little weird--”

It was more than weird. It was downright uncomfortable. For the first time since she’d stayed with Killian, with the Jolly Roger and its crew, she was unsettled.

(Former) Federation Operative Emma Swan did not do unsettled.

“I don’t.” Killian bit down on the consonants, hard, each one clipped and harsh and as if they were spoken by a stranger. “Come on, Scarlet.”

“Sir--”

“Killian, sometimes you just need to stop and question--” Emma and Will spoke at the same time but then he stopped and looked at her. Emma took a breath and said, “Sometimes you just need to stop and think for a minute--”

“What is this, mutiny? An insurrection?” His eyes hardened. “Don’t ever tell me what to do on my--” Emma hissed, a warning, and Killian took a deep breath. “It’s a job like any other.”

If keystrokes could have emotions, Will’s were angry.

“Stop looking at him as my father,” Killian said.

“Can you?” Emma asked, walking up to him and putting her hand on his cheek.

He jerked away.

“But this isn’t, as you say, a ‘job like any other’,” Nemo pointed out. He was the only one in the galley who looked relaxed, his posture upright as always but with an air of ease that Emma desperately wished she felt. “And not because of who he is. Because of why he’s here.” Nemo gestured at the screen Will had projected on the wall and turned toward Emma. “What’s your professional opinion here, Operative Swan?”

Will had brought up a list of the charges against Brennan Jones: theft, fraud, bribery, smuggling, all across multiple systems.

Child endangerment.

Child abandonment.

Emma looked at Killian.

Killian looked away.

“No way he’s out of Neverland after only twelve years,” Emma said. “So--” her eyes were still on Killian “--trap?”

“Aye,” he said. His eyes flashed with relief and his jaw muscle relaxed. “Set up by someone else to do the dirty work. Blackmail, maybe. That’s how a lot of the big syndicates do things now. Quasi-government entities, some of them. Don’t want the dirty work putting them on the Feds’ radar and interfering with their legit scams. Keeps the blood off their hands.”

“So what’s Brennan’s game here, Captain?” Ursula asked.

Robin scrubbed a hand down his face and drew in a deep breath. “I imagine he’s got a chess board set up just like yours, sir.”

Killian’s answering look was murderous. “More like three-card monte. Keep the cards moving until he’s ready for you to see the queen.”

“Nah, he’s the one on the move.” Will turned around in his chair.

“How in the bloody hell do you know that?” Killian snapped.

“Facial scan, sir.” Will glared. “I tagged him and put my web-crawlers to work on the Cortex. And he just got a call. Sounds like he’s got sources planted across the world, and this one’s tapped into a Fed outpost. Core access across the entire sector, including SOS, maintenance, alarms. Brennan’s pushing him to tamper with it, cross the signals or some such.” Will squinted at his screen and crossed his hands behind his neck. “Your dad, he is not a nice man, is he? Must run in the family.”

The galley was, for one interminable moment, silent.

Robin smacked Will across the back of his head.

“Captain? What’s our play?” Ursula asked.

“Um, I have a question?” Ariel raised her hand. Emma stifled a laugh, and Ursula sighed. “If Brennan did all of these terrible things, blackmail and the like, why did he come here and hire us? If he’s so bad--”

“--what are they using against him,” Emma finished. “Against us. You.” Everything Killian cared about--was here. On the ship.

It was Nemo who answered. “This is about Liam?”

“Isn’t he--” Robin started to say, but stopped.

Dead. Liam Jones was dead, killed in the operation that Killian had fled with the Jewel of the Realm.

Slowly, minutely, Killian nodded.

“You think someone has your little brother?” Nemo spoke slowly in a soothing tone, as if for a small child.

Whale nearly fell over. “The hell--?”

Emma felt her mouth open. She closed it.

Unsettled. She did not like it. She did not like not having all of the information queued up and ready for her and this was something she should have known.

Something Killian should have told her.

A quick glance around the galley suggested that she was not the only one for whom this news was a revelation. She looked at Ursula, who blinked in surprise and looked at Will, who shrugged and looked at Robin, who shook his head. In unison, they all turned to look at Nemo.

“Younger,” Killian corrected him softly, almost as a reflex. “Aye.”

Nemo had eyes only for Killian, his eyes full of care and concern and quiet authority.

“Killian,” Nemo said. “It’s not your job to take down your own father.”

Emma took two steps across the galley and reached for Killian again.

This time, he did not pull away.

“You’re right about that,” Killian said. “It’s my gorram pleasure.”

His fingers tightened around Emma’s until she couldn’t feel them anymore.

--

“Killian, I don’t think we have enough information on your fa--on this guy. Not yet,” Emma said.

There were other things she could say. Maybe too many other things.

How Brennan had found them.

Killian’s younger brother, Liam Jones.

What Nemo knew that she didn’t.

But she didn’t say any of them. Not yet.

They stood out on the pavement in the middle of the city, or near enough--a city that was just big enough to boast the kind of multi-level skyscraper that was normally more prevalent across the Core worlds, but not so big that any of the buildings were in particularly good repair. They stood in the middle of a fair bit of traffic--pedestrians, land speeders, even personal shuttles buzzing in the sky for the gentry who wanted to show off, but not so much or so little that the five of them and their two Mules were memorable.

Emma, Killian, Ursula, Ariel and Robin stood in front of a building rendered completely invisible by virtue of its resemblance to every other building.

“We don’t even know if this is the right place,” Emma said.

Will’s snort made the earpiece crackle and Emma winced.

“I’m sure,” Will said. There was a beep in the background and Will’s voice was serious this time. “Okay, I think I may have an ID on a potential bad guy.”

“We’ve got the bad guy, Scarlet,” Killian said.

Which was part of the problem, as far as Emma was concerned. Brennan had backup and Killian’s instincts seemed to come from a pretty deep gene pool and that made Brennan one very dangerous guy with potentially more dangerous allies. Emma looked at Ursula, who shrugged.

Ursula was always going to back Killian’s play; well, so would Emma.

“Whatever you say, sir, but this guy Jefferson Chepalier has an interesting story to tell. They say he’s some kind of magician, just making things disappear from one place and appear in another. Weapons, credits, pharmaceuticals--you name it, he’s moved it.”

Nemo’s voice chimed in. “I’ve heard of him. Even the Federation is one of his clients.”

Robin’s eyebrows went up in silent admiration and Emma sighed. “I’ve heard of him, too,” she said. “He knows a lot of the right people in a lot of the right places.”

What did Nemo know?

Why hadn’t Killian told them?

Why hadn’t Killian told her?

“Well, seems like they had a bit of an ugly breakup,” Will said. “Busted last month and lost twenty million in merchandise.”

“Sounds like the kind of guy who could get someone out of Neverland,” Emma said.

“Sounds like the kind of guy who needs a big score,” Robin said. “Guys that desperate--”

“Yeah, it’s bad,” Emma agreed.

“Speaking of bad,” Will said. “Here’s some bad news: the system here is old-school. Too antiquated for me to tunnel in and hack.”

Emma rolled her shoulders and moved her neck from one side to the other. But this was nothing they hadn’t expected.

“I didn’t know some of these specs even existed anymore.” Will sounded offended, as though he expected more from his adversaries. “Getting into this would be like hacking a museum exhibit.”

“Which you’ve done,” Robin said.

“Nothing you can prove,” Will said. “In fact--”

Ariel giggled.

“In fact,” Killian interrupted, “it means we’re not going to able to stop him.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It means we’re going to have to help him. Just like he planned.”

“We’re on it,” Ursula said as Emma pulled a pair of cuffs out of her inner jacket pocket and stepped toward Robin.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Will said. “You just--happened to have those on you?”

Emma rolled her eyes.

“Do you always have those on you?” Will asked. “Because--” he paused, presumably watching Emma put the cuffs on Robin “--you are weirdly comfortable doing that.”

“Don’t I know it,” Killian muttered.

Ariel’s mouth dropped open.

“Ariel.” Ursula brought her back to focus. “You’re going in the back. Hook us in manually.”

“And Scarlet,” Emma said, “you keep your mouth shut unless you want me giving Belle pointers when she gets back from Persephone.”

There was an intake of breath over the comm and Killian said, “Shut up, Scarlet.”

“Okay, but--” Robin was resigned as the cuffs clinked into place “--what are we doing here, exactly?”

“All the alarms for the entire Andromache system run through this building,” Will said. “Banks. Private homes. Government systems. Transpo networks. Everything. My guess, Brennan wants to control which alarms get through and which don’t.”

“It’s what I would do,” Killian said. He did not look happy about it.

“It isn’t,” Emma said. “You wouldn’t have gotten us here in the first place.” She wanted to reach for him, to take his hand, to press a soothing palm against his cheek. But she had Robin Locksley in her handcuffs and, apparently, the fate of Killian’s heretofore-unknown younger brother in their hands.

Killian didn’t answer. Didn’t look at any of them, just stared upward at the facade of the building they were about to infiltrate.

“Sir?” Ursula prompted. “We don’t have to do this.”

“We’re the only ones who can,” he said. “Anchors aweigh.”

Emma looked at Ursula, who nodded and gave Robin a shove as they went through the doors.

--

Not only was (former) Federation Operative Emma Swan weirdly comfortable using handcuffs, Robin Locksley was weirdly okay about being cuffed. The whole thing was really weird, Will decided.

At least until--

“Can we hurry up? Being handcuffed in a Fed outpost is a recurring bloody nightmare of mine.”

Never mind, Will thought.

“Scarlet,” Ursula said. “How do we look?”

Will tapped a few keys and leaned forward to peer at the screen. “We will rule over all of this land,” he said. “And we will call it--’This Land’.”

Ariel chirped, “That’s a good thing, right? We’re shiny?” She was breathing slightly heavily from inside a crawlspace, where she had physically tapped the network while Emma, Ursula and Robin distracted the Feds.

“Means we’re tapped into every piece of wire and tech running through that place. We can block alarms, we can set alarms, we can track alarms, all through our own comms network. Nice work--very shiny.”

Ariel clapped her hands in glee.

“Now get the bloody hell out of there--”

The comms broke squelch with a burst of feedback so sharp Will had to shut down the system for eighty-three seconds.

And Killian, that rat bastard, did it on purpose.

Urusla’s voice was the first to break through when he got them back online. “Scarlet?” She was, as ever, sharp and focused. “Where is he?”

“He’s gone,” Emma said, sounding certain.

“Seriously?” Robin said.

“He’s gone,” Will confirmed.

--

“So,” Killian said, “let me tell you what I did.”

He was back in the bar, where Brennan Jones did not seem at all surprised to see him. Papers were spread out across a table in the corner and the bartender kept deliberately not looking their way.

Brennan smirked. “Oh, I already know what you did,” he said. “You let my repairman loose, fine. You think I don’t have another contact? You really think you can beat me? You’re not tough enough. You’re not ruthless enough. You don’t have what it takes, even with your interference--”

“Using a civilian was a dumb brute-force move.” Killian pulled his earpiece out of his ear and a small black box out of his pocket and held them up. “Rigged to the Fed systems. I control it now. I can destroy it. You were saying?”

“Well.” Brennan looked, for the first time, surprised. “That’s--well.”

“You’ve done your homework. You know that I stole the fastest ship in the fleet right out from under the Federation’s nose, so you should also know that I broke into Robert Gold’s space station and broke back out again. Severed his hold on the Federation council. Walked away after he tortured me. If I can do that, imagine what I could to you.”

All of that was true and yet--it had been easier to be tough in front of Gold than it was in front of his own father. He’d been doing that for Emma.

He wished she was here.

They were better as a team.

But she didn’t need to be a part of this. Not this. Killian didn’t want Brennan Jones even looking at her. More importantly, he didn’t want Brennan’s allies--whomever they were--knowing who she was.

“I did my homework too, dad. Where’s Liam?”

Brennan cleared his throat. “You’re being a wise guy with me?”

“What was it you used to say? ‘You’re too much of a planner, Killian. You have to be tougher to survive’. You’re so tough, prove it.”

Besides, Killian Jones always had a plan.

Behind him, Killian heard the sound of an old-fashioned revolver being cocked. He was, for a second, disappointed.

So predictable.

He looked around, started to turn--

Was stopped by an elbow to the back of his head.

After that, blackness.

--

“How long until we hit Paradiso?” Killian asked.

The train whipped through the countryside on the mag-lev track and Emma checked the map on her screen. “Another twenty minutes,” she said. “You should be at the foothills in five.”

“You’re sure?” Robin asked for the twentieth time. “You’re sure this was the plan?”

“He’s sure,” Emma and Ursula spoke at the same time, for all that Ursula was down on the train with Killian and Emma was in the cockpit of the Jolly Roger.

She wanted to be with him.

They were better as a team.

But that wasn’t the plan, and she was part of something now--part of a crew.

“Saw the maps,” Killian reminded them. “Had blueprints laid out for house party on Boros--some gentry have got a Lassiter there.”

“I’ve always wanted one of those,” Ariel said wistfully.

“Next time,” Killian said. For the first time in days Emma thought she detected a smile in his words. “And then there was a set for a hospital on Athens,” Killian said.

“Too much work. Not enough payoff,” Nemo murmured.

“Exactly,” Killian said.

“Three-card monte,” Emma said. “He wanted you to see.”

“Exactly,” Killian said again, and smiled this time.

“What’s the cargo?” Ursula wanted to know.

“No clue,” Killian said. “But since Chepelier was there--save the speech for later, Scarlet--I’d reckon it’s something that will get him his twenty mil back. And I’ll have some words for him about hitting me when we meet.”

“Something that requires an entire Fedsquad sitting on this train,” Ursula said.

“Not an entire squad, Ursula,” Killian said. “Just a few. Just enough to make it fun.”

“When those alarms go off,” Emma said, “it’s gonna be Armageddon.”

“That’s the idea, love,” Killian reminded her.

“Yeah,” Emma said. “Only I think you have a bit of a problem with your brain being missing.” She paused for a beat and then said, seriously, “Killian, it’s not too late to sit this one out.”

Behind her, Emma felt Nemo’s hand on her shoulder. He squeezed.

Killian didn’t answer. He said, “Start flying with the hatch open. Keep her steady, Locksley.”

There were no guards in the train car, just stacks of crates and baggage. Killian went in first and Urusla followed, sliding the door mostly shut behind them but leaving it slightly ajar as Ursula turned to fiddle with a canister she pulled from her satchel and the wires hidden in the door panel. Killian moved toward the center of the car, waiting for Ursula to hand him the screw gun.

He stopped and examined a particular stack of crates and then began to climb them, gently, stopping when he could reach the ceiling. Three corrugated iron panels stood between them and the open sky and soon there was not even that, as Killian put the gun to one of the rivets in the center panel and triggered it.

It made a sickening noise and Killian winced.

“Find the cargo,” he said.

“Thanks for the reminder, sir,” Ursula said.

Killian smirked and pulled the gun down, removing the rivet stuck in it before starting on the next, moving methodically from one to another until the last one is free and he lowered the panel as gently as the could.

It made a bit of a clatter, and Killian winced.

“Sir--” Ursula called, pointing at a stack of boxes.

“Shiny,” Killian whispered. “Brilliant. Get it over here.”

He had barely finished speaking when the net dropped into the hole in the roof of the train.

“Fifteen seconds,” Emma said.

The canister popped just when the wire pulled.

Immediately, there was a ringing noise that echoed through the train car.

“Alarms are set,” Scarlet said, his voice grim. “Feds on your door and Brennan--”

“I’ll worry about Brennan,” Killian said as the door opened fully and the gas released by Ursula’s canister blinded the Fed sent to investigate. With movements both precise and brutal, Killian disarmed him and had him on the ground, unconscious, in seconds.

He and Ursula closed the door behind them just as the comm started blaring and the train began to slow as they pulled into Paradiso.

--

Brennan Jones walked up to the makeshift processing site outside of Paradiso.

It was utter chaos.

Every person around him was screaming into a comm. “What do you mean, we’ve got another alarm call--a third one?!!--multiple code ones at the following sites--roll out--send backup--every available unit!”

It was the house party full of gentry on Boros that sweetened the deal. Feds wouldn’t normally roll out for a bunch of hicks coming in from Hancock. Alarms going off on Boros, on Athens, across Regina--that was a different story.

All hail the might Federation, though it was a shame about the Lassiter. That would fetch a tidy fortune on the black market.

Next time.

--

(Former) Federation Operative Emma Swan walked into the makeshift processing site the locals had set up outside Paradiso.

Where the train had stopped.

After some thieves put a hole in the roof.

It was utter chaos, every person around her screaming into a comm, Feds literally walking in circles--

Except for the poor, understaffed local constabulary, who had been left to deal with the passengers.

Killian and Ursula were off to the side, cuffed and under the watchful eyes of someone who looked like a local sheriff. He looked tired, and frustrated--was likely both of those things, now the Feds were off the train and in his backyard--and did not manage to keep his sigh inaudible as she approached.

Emma flashed her badge fast enough that the lawman wouldn’t be able to get a good look at the code designation that was now invalid. She gave him a half-grin as she did so, carefully calculated.

Empathetic. Brisk. Efficient.

Not here to ruin his day.

She was here to save it, in fact, but he had no way of knowing that.

“You Nolan?” she asked, and he gave her a wan smile. “I’m Swan.”

--

Brennan watched the scene playing out before him.

“No, I can’t send confirmation,” a particularly harried ensign snapped. “This is an all-network alert! Cargo theft--”

Brennan hovered genially near the harried-looking ensign, a petite woman with her hair tied in a regulation-style knot, and smile the kind of smile that was warm enough but completely unmemorable as he waved a datapad in the air with a kind of ‘what can you do’ shrug.

The ensign barely spared him a glance before waving him away, his presence already accounted for and forgotten, and Brennan inched closer to the train, where he was met by a tall blonde man in a uniform who asked, bored, “Status?”

Brennan handed the datasheet over, a transfer order flickering across its surface.

“You’re expecting me,” Brennan said. “Evidence transfer.”

“That’s right, you bastard,” Will muttered at his tablet. “Captain, are you sure--”

“You know the plan, Will.”

“We could just tell the Feds--”

“Oh, I’ve got him,” Killian said. “Gonna look him in the eye when he goes down.”

“Evidence transfer,” the blonde man said, frowning as he looked at the datasheet. “About that--”

He stopped as Ariel, her hair out of its knot, came up behind Brennan Jones, tapped him on the shoulder, and punched him.

Victor Whale pulled off his uniform cap and winced. Ariel was tiny, but she packed a right hook like a freight train.

“Ooooooof,” Will murmured.

--

Emma thought she heard the sheriff mutter about gorram time but not loud enough she had to acknowledge it. “You know there’s a whole spate of robberies across the system today,” she said casually. “Alarms going off anywhere.”

Implied: you’re lucky I showed up at all.

“Rumor has it they were after millions,” Nolan said. “You here for evidence holding?”

Emma only just managed to keep the sneer off of her face.

“Evidence holding”. That’s what the Feds were calling it now.

Emma shrugged. “Above my paygrade. I’m just here for those two.” She nodded with her chin at Ursula and Killian.

“I knew something about his story smelled,” he said, shaking his head and checking his datapad for the passenger manifest.

“Yeah, that’s him,” Emma said, sending a surreptitious wink toward Killian. “It’s not the only thing about him that does.”

In her earpiece she heard him chuckle.

“They’ve been bound?”

“Not yet,” Nolan said. “I--”

“Don’t worry about it,” Emma said. “You just get the rest of these citizens back on this train and on their way. I’ll take care of them.”

--

Ariel shrugged and ducked as Brennan made a pass at Whale and she pulled out a tranq gun--

“That’s enough, Ariel,” Killian said, walking up behind them, a cuff dangling from one wrist while he worked the other free. “It’s going to end right here, dad. You ready? Let me tell you what I did.”

“How did you know?” Brennan looked--bemused.

Almost impressed.

Killian reached into his greatcoat pocket and removed a small black box wired to an earpiece.

“Let’s try this one more time, shall we?”

--

“What’s the trick to three-card monte?” Killian asked, advancing on his father. “The red queen’s never even on the table. But it was a nice move, dad, knocking me out. Letting me deduce your plan. I didn’t even need this--” he held up the black box, pulled from his pocket “--to get inside your head. And all the time, you’re playing me. Playing my crew.”

Ursula, Ariel and Whale stood behind him and Will laughed at the screen. Big damn heroes.

“You tried to make me a pawn in your game. You tried to make Liam a pawn in your game. But here’s the thing, dad: you’re only a pawn if you don’t know you’re being played. And I always know. You taught me that.”

“Twenty million is a lot of money, Killian,” Brennan said.

Killian exhaled a laugh through his nostrils. “It’s not about the money. It never was. You’re not working for Jefferson Chepelier. You’re working around him, trying to get the bigger score. Get his merchandise to a better buyer, the kind of buyer who will pay top dollar and let you sail off into the black forever. A buyer like Cora Hart.”

Brennan stilled and Killian smiled.

“My people are going to take down Chepelier and Cora Hart. We have your cargo. What was it you always used to say?” Killian’s mouth contorted as he imitated his father’s voice. “‘You’re too much of a planner, son.’”

Killian leaned forward, his hands resting on his belt.

“The cargo is already on the way to a contact of ours,” he said. “Because if you’d done your planning, father, you’d have known that I have certain understandings in place between my crew and the Federation Council. And Regina Mills. You’ve heard of her, right? Cora Hart’s daughter? She was thrilled to get her hands on this kind of leverage against Cora.”

“What about your brother?”

“What about him? He was never in danger, not from you, and not from Chepelier,” Killian said. “Just another jack being shuffled--a distraction--but he’s safe. Far away from you and now with the protection of a pirate--” Killian bit the word “--and a Federation Councillor. You’re never getting near him again, and any minute now, the Feds are gonna come and--”

“--arrest both of us,” Brennan said.

“What for?” Killian held up his still-cuffed wrist. “I’ve sent the cargo on already and I have an alibi.”

“I’m not going back to Neverland,” Brennan said.

“That’s fine.” KIllian pulled a gun from his jacket pocket. Ariel made a sound like a sad cat, mewl. Whale swore under his breath.

“You can’t do this,” Brennan said, and chuckled. “I could, but you’re your mother’s son.”

Killian cocked the gun at the exact second Ursula said, simply, “Sir?”

And he looked at her.

Looked at Ariel, at Whale.

Looked up into the camera and Will sighed.

“Let him go, Killian,” he heard Emma whisper. “I’ve got your back. We’ve got your back.”

Killian hesitated; his hand shook and Emma wished so desperately she could take it in hers, put her thumb against his wrist and press a gentle, calming circle there.

“Killian,” Emma said, “be a better man than your father.”

--

Brennan Jones stood at the edge of the station along the train tracks but the train had, literally, already left the station.

Emma Swan walked toward him with Nemo keeping stride, Sheriff Nolan walking ahead of them both.

“Brennan Jones,” Nolan drawled, “you are bound by law.”

Brennan’s eyes widened in startled recognition as he looked at Emma and he smiled.

“Am I though?” he laughed. “Am I really? Check your codes again, Sheriff. She’s not a Fed, or whatever she says she is--she’s a thief.”

“Ran it twice,” Nolan said. “She’s clear.”

“Go ahead, Sheriff,” Nemo said. “One more time. We don’t mind. Authorization code one-zero-two-six. Scorpio.”

With a put-upon shrug Nolan swiped across the datapad and held it up. Federation Operative Emma Swan flashed across the screen with a photo and an arrest warrant. Emma enjoyed watching him as it hit him, the blood draining from his face and his tongue darting out to lick his lip. Brennan ran a hand through his hair in a gesture uncannily like Killian.

“Looks like you’ve gotten yourself mixed up in quite the robbery, Mr. Jones,” Sheriff Nolan said. “I’ve got orders here to put you in custody and send you back to--” his eyes widened and he clucked his tongue against his teeth as he shook his head “--Neverland. Well.”

“I didn’t do it,” Brennan said, pointing a finger at Emma. “I’m innocent.”

Emma rolled her eyes dramatically and shared a smirk with the sheriff. “Yeah, yeah,” she said. “Everyone’s innocent in Neverland.”

“Sheriff,” Brennan was pleading. “She’s not who she says she is. She’s a--”

Nemo grabbed his arm and twisted it, making Brennan wince.

“My own son,” Brennan said. “More ruthless than me. Crueler than me.” His eyes hardened and something unpleasant glittered in his irises. “You tell my son,” he muttered. “You tell my him--”

Emma turned away, waving at Nolan to step forward with the cuffs.

“--tell him I’m proud of him.”

Emma turned back. “Enjoy Neverland.”

--

Killian exhaled as he turned the ship’s wheel, piloting the Jolly Roger out of orbit and closer to the surface of Persephone. Emma stood behind him, looking out the cockpit windshield. The sun was setting and it refracted through the atmo.

“Well, that’s a joyful sight,” Killian muttered, looking up at Emma.

“Gotta love a sunset,” she sighed.

“That too,” he said. And winked.

“Almost like coming home,” Emma said, her fingers scratching and lazy at the back of his neck. He shivered.

Home.

She was his home. This was his family.

“We sniff the air,” he reminded her. “We don’t kiss the dirt.”

“Noted, Captain,” she said. “But I wasn’t planning on the dirt-kissing. Sir.”

“I wouldn’t stand for it anyways,” Killian said. He locked the wheel into place and pushed back in his seat, smiling up at her the entire time as lightness rushed through his body. “Jealous man like me.”

“Hey--eyes front, please,” Robin said, walking in and making a face. “Planet’s coming up a mite fast. You’re coming down too quick. Likely gonna crash and kill us all.”

Killian stood up and pulled Emma’s hand into his. His eyes never left hers.

“That happens,” he said to Robin, “let me know.”

--

“Hey,” Emma whispered, pushing the fringe off of Killian’s forehead as he opened one bleary, sleepy eye and stared at her. They were a tangle of limbs and sheets in the berth. “You were some kind of hero today, Jones.”

He nuzzled into her hand and wrapped her more tightly against him. “Mmmmm.”

It was not agreement.

“Trust me, you have a mark in the hero column,” Emma said, bending so her lips brushed against his ear. “Killian?”

“Mmmm?”

“Will you tell me about him, someday?” Killian’s eyes opened, both of them, and he stared at her in surprise. “Your younger brother?”

He stilled and then exhaled, a brush of warmth against her palm. “Aye, love. Someday. But not today, yeah?”

Emma snuggled herself against him, dropping her head to his shoulder. “Someday,” she agreed.

They had all the time in the world.

--30--

@quirkykayleetam​

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Put On Your Raincoats #20 | Squalid Motels and Desperate Gals, courtesy of Kim Christy

This review contains mild spoilers.

When I first heard of Kim Christy, I knew I had to delve into her work. Here is someone who was involved in the drag scene in the '60s and went on to direct and produce pornography from the '80s onward. She's also a trans woman director (and occasional actress), which is not just unusual in golden age pornography but even mainstream cinema today. Unfortunately, figuring out where to start was a challenge. There's a very good interview with her on the Advocate but which doesn't really delve into her directing work. So I did the highly risky and ill-advised move of scanning through the titles in her filmography and trying to pick out ones with interesting sounding premises. Even this was a challenge, as a lot of her movies sounded like they didn't have a terrible amount of story. (A good many of them also had certain slurs in the title, which are unfortunately common in trans pornography.) So out of the crapshoot of movies I picked, I can't say I really got to the bottom of what makes her work interesting or even gelled to most of them, but hopefully I can convey what makes the ones I did take to interesting.

To start with the most slight, the two Divine Atrocities movies are basically a collection of sex scenes. There's a theme of dominant women running through them, but otherwise there isn't much tying together in terms of staging, aesthetics and the like. The segments have titles like "The Leather Lass Tamer", "Rubber Rampage" and "Ms. Degradation", but truth be told, nothing here is terribly shocking. So there isn't a lot to either of these movies, but if you're watching it for those reasons, they're enjoyable enough. A few of the segments feature trans performers, and I did find that Sulka had a nicely imposing screen presence in her scene, and while Sugar Nicole briefly threatens her partner with her "big black cock", I did like that for the most part the movies don't discern between these scenes and the ones with cisgender performers. In the eyes of Kim Christy, there's room for everyone in this great sexual melange. Also notable is the threesome scene with Janey Robbins, who (after likely reading Dan Savage's column) tells one of her partners, "If you don't find a different way to fuck me, you can forget it, I'll have to find somebody else", and in the first time in the history of civilization, gets mad at her male partner for not climaxing quickly enough. "You always say it'll only take a few minutes. Time is the only thing I can't replace, and it always takes too long."

A bit more substantive narratively but less interesting is Momma's Boy, with a premise that you can guess based on the title. Tantala Ray presides over a brothel set during an indeterminate period, where she presides over her girls and also her son, who mysteriously became a deaf-mute at a certain point of time. Why did her son become a deaf-mute? Will we ever find out? Spoiler: it's incest. Tantala Ray does have a weird enough screen presence to make her parts watchable, but this has none of the charge that, say, Taboo brings to the same material. (It's worth noting that Ray in this movie, looking like a debauched queen of Mardi Gras in one scene, is a camp villain while Kay Parker plays her role straight in the other movie.) As it's shot on video, the movie is not very nice to look at, and the dirt cheap production values make it unclear whether this is supposed to be a period piece. Some of the dialogue is amusing ("Oxford?" "Guess again." "Princeton?" "Try Biloxi Tech, my sweetie."), and there is some old timey music and one of the clients wears an ascot at one point, so it's not a totally squalid affair. (It's classy, see? He's wearing an ascot.) As the son, Jerry Butler does a cringe-inducing lisp, but I did chuckle at his last line.

A bit easier to recommend is True Crimes of Passion, where Janey Robbins plays a private detective (cheekily named B.J. Fondel) who invariably bungles her investigations and winds up in sex scenes with the people she's supposed to be investigating. "Out of the fog and into the smog" begins the overwrought voiceover, which truth be told doesn't compare to the likes of Chandler but I guess the effort is nice. The first case involves her investigating the wife of a minister whom her client suspects of infidelity. Surprise, surprise, it turns out the wife has a girlfriend with whom she has dominant sex. Thanks to Robbins' investigative prowess, she gets found out and forced to join the proceedings and ends up getting her client, a Dan Quayle looking motherfucker in a cowboy hat, captured as well, which leads to an incredible burn.

"The lord will punish you for this."

"The lord already has, he gave me you for a husband."

Also, when Robbins is forced into cunnilingus, she says over narration, "Oh Christ, I'm not even sure I've seen one of these things up close", and yeah, okay, Janey.

The second scene is probably the most notable as it features Christy as a performer. Robbins visits her friend to investigate a death threat against her friend's brother (also Robbins' ex), and the twist can be deduced when you start wondering why a seemingly minor character gets an unusually large amount of screentime. The scene features a trope that likely isn't terribly sensitive by modern standards, but I get the sense from that Advocate interview that Christy isn't too hung up about such things and one must concede that the film is a product of its time and genre (and within that context, there's a lot worse out there). The last scene has Robbins spying on her neighbour in hotel to get some industry secrets, which leads to some really awkward dialogue about champagne and then a threesome involving her client and mark. Like the work of Yasojiru Ozu, this scene breaks the 180-rule, but I guess if this is your thing, you might enjoy it. At the very end, the mark just gives up his secrets to the client. The secrets of male bonding sometimes elude me.

Easily the most accomplished and enjoyable film from Christy that I watched was Squalor Motel. It combines the sexual variety of the other films with a sense of camp and grounds it in a distinct, memorable location. There isn't much more "plot" than the other movies, as it's basically about a motel concierge doing her job over the course of a day, but as it follows her bumping into a variety of (usually horny) guests and finding herself in amusing (and unfailingly sexual) situations, there's enough of a narrative through line that it feels like a "real" movie where the other movies strained for similar effect, and the movie uses a soundtrack of icy synths and jazz that sounds like imitation Angelo Badalamenti to give it all an alluring vibe. I'm gonna make a wager that David Lynch would have liked this movie. Look, I have no idea what his viewing habits are or what sends his motor running, and the thought of him jacking it furiously to this or any movie is not something that brings me pleasure. But this shares some of the campy tone and surface qualities of his works, and I also wanted to leave you all with that image.

Why does the motel have its own house band (to whom people try to listen to while they engage in all kinds of sexual congress)? Why is Jamie Gillis made up like a vampire and trying to sell marital aids? Why does the one guest's blow-up doll turn into a real person (and prove, uh, extremely vocal during their scene)? Why is the owner wearing a pig mask and a tutu while he spies on his guests? Why is everyone laughing at the newlywed? Why is the one scientist with a Hitler mustache and his shrill-voiced assistant conducting experiments (read: having a threesome) with Tantala Ray? And how are most of these things taking place in the mysterious Reptile Room in the middle of the motel? With an extremely winning Colleen Brennan in the lead role (sporting a pair of thick glasses, a Lucille Ball updo, and a big, toothy smile), we'll have a pretty good time finding out. Like a lot of hardcore movies, this is pretty episodic in structure, but its distinct atmosphere gives it a nice sense of momentum as it drifts from scene to scene.

With its nice production design (and the fact that it seems to have actual sets, rather than being shot in what I assume are people's homes like in the other movies), Squalor Motel feels a bit more upscale and lavish than the average porno. While I don't have any budgetary information handy, I do know that the production had an assistant director, Ned Morehead. To what extent he contributed to the movie's DNA I can't say for certain, but the directorial effort of his I watched, also produced by Christy, had many of the same qualities. Desperate Women starts off feeling pretty stylish with its spraypaint style opening credits (although it loses a bit of style when it misspells star Taija Rae's name as "Taja Rea"). Taija Rae plays a reporter who ends up wrongfully convicted for a murder and thrown in brutal women's prison presided over by the sadistic Tantala Ray, who seems to get her jollies from spying on her prisoners as they get it on or abusing them with the help of her dimwitted guard. During such incidents, the guard frequently ends up ejaculating on her uniform as a source of comic relief. (One such scene ends with a shot of a photo of Ronald Reagan.) I must however disclose, without revealing too much about the shameful inner workings of my hopelessly degenerate mind, that the denouement of scene involving Ray, her guard and Sharon Mitchell did not leave me unmoved. Mitchell plays a prisoner who befriends Taija Rae, and it's worth noting that despite being one of the best actresses in classic porn, she's saddled here with an atrocious Hispanic accent and at one point sings a bit of "America" from West Side Story.

By porn standards, this is actually quite well produced and has a relatively sturdy narrative. (I must however note that one scene has a blatant ejaculation-related continuity error.) Women in prison movies tend to be pretty squalid affairs in general, at least in terms of production values, so this doesn't feel too far off from the real thing and offers more explicit versions of the same pleasures, while its sense of humour gives it a nice campy quality. Tantala Ray especially delivers in a pleasingly over the top performance as the teeth-gnashing villain (the camera often frames her severe face in wide angle close ups), and say what you will about Sharon Mitchell's accent, I did like seeing her pop up in here. With all the flamboyance and excitement around her, Taija Rae almost becomes a supporting character in her own movie, although I must confess that I found her character's hopeless naivety pretty cute. ("I didn't wear rubbers, it's sunny out".) With a fun cast, a firm handle on the genre's pleasures and a groovy soundtrack, this is a pretty good time.

[koalaaquabear]

The 5 hour finale live stream just concluded and y’all, it was crazy. It has been a wonderful several months with all you guys and I am so excited for April 8th and Junior Year. 

MASSIVE SPOILERS UNDER THE FOLD IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE STREAM YET. Here is my clusterfuck of a commentary. Enjoy!

Fantasy High: Sophomore Year Live Reaction -HOOT GROWL BABY it's time. I didn't react to part one but wOW that one was crazy. Get ready for EMOTIONS :'(( -SIG FIG RESCUE MISSION lol #ontour -well ok brennan that canopy shit is scary as fuck -murph is still looking like riz -Zaphriel and Ayda!!!!!!! -"HOLD ME BACK GORGUG" i love u emily -Brennan I stg -Ayda is Gorgug's dad lol -oh shIT they're totally in the cottage -heLL YEAH AYDA!! -oh GOD figayda kiss? exceptional. -if ayda dies i WILL throw dice at Brennan -ok brennan make me cry then -GET THE VAN GORGUG -gorgug truly is the greatest wizard of this age -#hugeblueguy -aww zac oyama i love you -"semi-fallen" oH dEar -gorgug texts zelda IMMEDIATELY i love him -amaZING thank you zelda -"ew, creepy, hate that" -zaphriel is the best character you guys, what a homie -i keep forgetting ayda can fly. like she has wings. i know that. -AELWYN! -nOPE someone is coming through the forest and if it's arianwen i will kill cry -HANGMAN???? -HANGMAN!!!! HIS DOG!!!!! -HANGMAN NO I LOVE YOU YOU'RE THE CUTEST DOGGY -adaine i love you baby -"the weak yogurt man" -what high ranking devil??? -fabian you're adorable -aww fabian has a puppy!! (i get that the hangman is eight feet long don't @ me) -that's the first "the ball" -lou can never have the highest roll -BARDY BOYS -oop kristen and riz time -tracker? i barely even know her -chills, brennan. chills -someone in the chat just said "so did skrank fuck zelda?" -intense muSIC -nononononononono -ragh, tracker, and sandralynn better be all right -ooo a sTICK -HELL YEAH RETURN OF THE RIBBON DANCE -"riz weeps" holy shit i love him -"something bad always happens when we go off together" -#RIZTEN -awwoOOOOOOO -ayda can fly too! -absolutely FUCK this bridge ABOUT 30 MINUTES -poor ayda -please say they're ok brennan -"put your tongue baCK in your mouth" -sANDRA LYNN NO -"what kind of arrows" "you know what kind" fuCK OFF BRENNAN -if baxter dies i will cry -wait faerie fire is a cleric spell..? absolutely fuck me -ok aelwyn let's fuck shit up -calling the bank in the middle of this nightmare forest lol -heLL YEAH ZAPHRIEL -luck check luck check luck check -"y'all are going to turn into dragons" -fabian straight up cries? what a fucking rich kid -NO WAY HE HAD T H E COIN??? -REMOVE CURSE BABY -"nnOOO!" lmao -ally and brennan are in the chat -kristen's religion is REALLY coming in handy -the name was turned into the night yorb lol -"how's that axe feeling?" "..pretty light ;)" i love him -ayda can lift the axe??? exceptional -FIG IS KALINA? ABSOLUTELY RAD -brennan has created a place where illusions are real and emily is holding him TO IT -"do you have a dongle?" incredible -EMILY I LOVE YOU! KALINA IS A YOUTUBER BABY -wretchrot is baCK baby -aelwyn i love that -"i am a low quality child" "yeah ayda you're a bad kid" -"hey bitch" emily axford is a goddess -im sorry cOURT OF ELDERS? -NO I WILL CRY -ROLL INITIATIVE TIME -go OFF hangman -ooo some high initiatives babyyy -zac oyama is my favorite ever -"trackerrr" -brian as soon as emily was threatened said "how dare you" -brennan you FUCK "i'm awake for all of this" FUCK YOU -fig and her mommy issues: an album -absolutely FUCK THE TREE GUY -kick that wood elf BITCH ABOUT ONE HOUR -fuck him UP fabian, shit in his gODDAMN mOUTh -"SPRING BREAK YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER" -pleASE BRENNAN LET HIM SHOOT HER WITH THE TINCTURE -spRING break this is for the corn god -okay nevermind riz is holding his action -i love the intrepid heroes they're adorable -"ice feast" fucking love them so much -yES the ball thank GOD -brennan..? -"her rage ends" tracker = barbarian -FIRST NAT 20 BABY -"IT 100% WORKS BUT IT 50% WORKED" -that's the second "the ball" -bOOOOOOO BRENNAN -mad plans for the tree guy -sorry, is his name crAFTME ROOTDRINKER? -oh ok it's aelwyn we're fine -cone of cOLD baby i love aelwyn what a babe -you absolutely hate to see it -ragh my baby i love you -SPRING BREAK -tracker nO PLEASE -TRACKER JUST CRIT OH NO -brennan is really good at acting this btw -wait 14 on a crit??? i mean oH NO kRISTEN, bOO -disPEL MAGIC BABY -ALLY BEARDSLEY YOU ABSOLUTE GOD -aww kristennn is babyyy -tracker nooo don't cryyyy -you've sAVED your GIRLFRIEND -"some of us have already done that today" fig the sHADE -ally simply musT get new dex -absolutely fuck that brennan i don't need that vampire pixie -FUCK IT UP AYDA -FIGHT ME IN THE SKY! -"does a 29 hit?" daMN zac that absolute SHADE -53 DAMAGE?? CHEJ IS SO FUCKING STRONG -"goddamn paper lantern" -absolutely fuck you brennan -nevermind gorgug and adaine both passed the con saving throw -"i don't like you" lou really gets personally upset about this and i love that -nO NO NONONONO aelwyn and tracker are down -FUCK IT UP ADAINE -gdi brennan don't do this to us -ABSOLUTELY FUCK THE TREE -fig is straight up gonna kill her mom -this is scary as fuck -HANGMAN HAS A BREATH WEAPON AND YOU DIDN'T SAY SHIT??? CHOKE ON GRAPES BRENNAN -FUCK EM UP HANGMAN ABOUT 1 HOUR AND A HALF -wood elf is DOWN baby hoot growl -kristen thinks the elf is gak lol -23 DAMAGE??? AC OF 25??? ABSOLUTELY FUCK IT UP FABIAN -SHENANIGANS TIME FOR MURPH -HELL SECRET AGENT TIME -27??? RIZ YOU'RE THE HOTTEST -third the ball -imagine the ball is secretly SO HOT without the hat -YES BRENNAN GOT A NAT 1 EAT YOUR GODDAMN DICE -sweEET -fourth the ball (they've all been Lou cuz of course) -incredible turn murph -kalina is SO GOOD at skateboarding -#bloodphoto -KALINA HAS 23 WISDOM? absolutely fuck me -oh hELL YEAH FIG COUNTER THE COUNTER -emily is doing some SHIT right now you guys (fear spell) -DAMMIT that high as fuck wisdom -sorry WHAT she rips open sPACE??? -BABY BETTER SAVE THE GODDAMN DAY -let's go BABY -"mMMHHHHnnN leET ME tOUCh ItT" baby is fucking weird -"baby vs mommy" i love you siobhan -aelwyn better not DIE brennan -riz baby let's get it -trACKEr -nAT 1??? kristen is unCONSCIOUS?? -HUMAN DETERMINATION!!! THE GRIT BABY] -wait aura of life is badass!! they can't lose damage?? -okay scrap that we're gonna TURN UNDEAD and then MASS HEALING WORD? absolutely incredible -gorgug has so much goddamn health -FUCK THIS TREE DUDE -KILL IT AYDA LET'S GO -"her girl's side" *in lou voice* okAY bRENNNAn -second nat 1 but both of them re-rolled -GEM!!!! -LET'S GET GORTHALAX BABYYYY -"BIG DADDY" -ayda is so turned on lol -KILL IT CHEJ OKAYYYY -fuck this centaur -i'm so nervous -puT THOSE DICE DOWN BRENNAN -"you're gonna drop." shuT UP -riz is fULLY DEAD???? -i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. -sHUT UP BRENNAN -baby is DEAD oh my GOD you absolutely hate to see it ABOUT 2 HOURS -nO NO NO NO NO NO NO PUT THAT CROWN AWAY BITCH -absolutely fuck me, the nightmare king is totally fucking back i hate myself -aww fabian is baby -hELL YEAH FABIAN SPRING BREAK -"i've lost one friend, that's too many" fabian is adorable -"that's a full ass miss, my guy" -sandra lynn just crit on chej :(((((( -14 damage is not very spring break of her (she did 28 but it was halved because gorgug is such a strong boyyy) -LET'S GO LOU -almost all of them are spellcasters wtf (only one who isn't is riz but he has a daily misty step) -fuck em up hangman -fUCK EM UP HANGMAN! d8 + 2d6 +8 i think -figaroth the unfaethable baby -THOSE ARE SOME SHENANIGANS FIG I LOVE IT (she's shattering the rubies to get a revivify diamond) -casts teleport??? aelwyn came here to FUCK -"i would love to teach you this spell" aww the abernant sisters liking each other is my new aesthetic -fuck em up adaine -you can hit the tree on a 12 babyyyyy -heLL YEAH 44 DAMAGE ADAINE IS STRONG NOW -kalina is not even that cool she just said "that's enough of that" in the most uncool way -2 down 3 to go! -omg wait it would be so badass if they could just remove curse on kalina -"Mr. The Insatiable" -ayda is such a sweetheart "i don't care if you want me to date your daughter but i do hope you love me" -"I LOVE THIS SONG" yes siobhan me too -on a DC 20 she got a 31!!!! consider my jeans creamed -SHRED BABY GIRL!!! -KILLIAN IS DEAD! RIZ IS ALIVE! -ayda is so turned on AHHH -I LOVE RIZ SO MUCH "am i interrupting something???" -fuck him UP chej! 3 hits, no crits -hell yeah mr. march!! oh sorry wrong series -a gROUP PROJECT i'm DEAD -someone in the chat called him "snac oyama" and you're rigHT -siobhan's straight fucking this tree UP -the spellcasters are like all out of spells at this point -fuck OFF arianwen. KILL YOUR MOM -"where's your father, aelwyn?" "last i saw, adaine killed him so *shrug*" i lOVE HER -FUCK THEM UP GORTHALAX -abolutely fuck the nightmare king -waIT GORTHALAX IS GONNA KILL THE NIGHTMARE KING -sidenote: fig calls gorthalax pops -dO IT BRENNAN kILL YOUR OWN BIG BAD -this treeant has GOT to be dead -NAT 1 on that attack?? SPRING BREAK BABY -no we haven't seen kalina in action brennan, and we do not want to -OH SHIT THE TIE! YOu just got FUCKed bRENnan eaT youR DICE -yeS AYDA ROAST HER -"GOTTEM!" -i'm sorry i just hallucinated, did you say 6 ATTACKS? -time to go VIRAL BABY -19 intelligence, 23 wisdom, 20 charisma for kalina? absolutely fuck me -riz just got kICKed! you absolutely hate to see it -GODDAMMIT -KALINA IS HOMOPHOBIC CONFIRMED ABOUT 2 AND A HALF HOURS -brennan be like "im about to kill this bird" -absolutely fuck me i hate this -let's go FIG -time to caTCH the bALL -murph has the same thinking face as riz and it's adorable -this is not very spring break brennan -DC 25 acrobatics check? c'mon faBIAN -29????? -fifth the ball (from the hangman) -"there's just something endearing about him" fabian loving his friends is adorable -absolutely fuck me that fire elemental is adorable -absolutely swaddle the ball -well hot take but fuck the nightmare king you guys -absolutely NOT brennan do NOT kill adaine you PSYCHO BITCH -PLEASE ADAINE LIVE -STRAIGHT DEAD? FULLY DEAD? FUCK OFF WITH THIS INSTAKILL SHIT BRENNAN -hell yeah ayda is back and kristen has the revivify diamond -aelwyn FULLY banished that unicorn -it's good to know ragh really doesn't want them to die -YES RAGH IS BACK BABY -fuck em up kristen -s/o to DND Beyond btw absolutely banger website -hell yeah mass healing word is awesome -clerics are GOOD you guys i should play more clerics -FUCK IT UP AYDA -SANDRA LYNN IS BACK BABY -skater chej is my favorite thing -aBSOLUTEly fuck the tree -i have no idea wHAT is happening ABOUT 3 HOURS -fuCK YOU nightmare king -i absolutely hate this battle but at least gorthalax is still standing -gorgug better split this gd tree -"what if we just kill kalina?" yeah zac it's that goddamn easy -brennan almost just fucked everyone -"does she want to borrow my teddy bear?" the SHADE -"MAKEOVERRR" i love you siobhan -this tree SUCKS -battlemaster is cool as fUCK SPRING BREAK -BARDY BOYS also i think that was a nat 20 -i can't imagine the thistlesprings watching the battle livestream and like worrying if gorgug is going to die -FUCK HER UP THE BALL -ABSOLUTE SHENANIGANS FROM MURPH! -with ADVANTAGE BABY -"has anyone seen my hat!?" keep it off baby you're HOT now -"mirrors negate mirrors" "i think oscar wilde said that" i love them -#hotrizweek? -holy shit fig is FUCKING THIS BATTLE UP -HELL YEAH KALINA ROLLS A NATURAL 2!!!! -hell yeah adaine is back and SO MUCH is happening that i'm like forgetting to write down my reactions -kill this woody motherfucker baby -the music is too lOUD -ok it's normal now -fuck em up gorgug -i'm sorry the chat is saying he did 90 DAMAGE?!?!?!? -KILL IT CHEJ ILY -fuck off brennan, absolutely fuck off -ABSOLUTELY FUCK OFF BRENNAN -gorthalax is FULLY DEAD? absolUTELY FUCK YOU -SAINT KRISTEN APPLEBEES -adaine has SOLVED THIS SHIT -god all the abernant names are confusing -fuck you kalina ABOUT 3 AND A HALF HOURS -BRENNAN I STG IF RAGH ENDS UP DEAD -hellish rebuke that bitch -c'MON faBIAN HIT that BITCH -wait is kalina a rogue and a druid? absolutely incredible -FUCK IT UP FABIAN -OMG THE HANGMAN BETTER FUCK THIS UP -YES THE BALL 31 DAMAGE -so the stream just ended. i'll say it again: absolutely fuck me -ok so we're back and kalina got fucked up -WHAT THE FUCK A NAT 20???????? YOU ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO SEE IT -ALLY WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS -I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS AND NEITHER CAN BRENNAN -MAGIC IS REAL AND SO IS MY ALLY -i can't believe this. eat your GOD damn DICE brennan! -OMG ARE THE NIGHTMARE KING AND THE GODDESS ONE AND THE SAME? -THEY ARE! THE NIGHTMARE KING IS THE NIGHTMARE QUEEN -brennan is CRAZY AHHHHH -brennan absolutely stop this tension -28 insight. brennan is fucked -GO TOWARDS HIM KRISTEN -YES!!!! PLEASE SAY THIS IS A GOOD THING -ALLY GOT A NAT 20 THEY BETTER BE RIGHT -fear. is. not. real. -this is just like the ending of moana -NO WAY BRENNAN I LOVE YOU (you wouldn't believe it from what i have said but it's true) -this is intense i'm about to cry -you're meeting god and you say "is it too early for this?" -LMAO 5'9" -Moral of the story: IDK and that's OK -ok ally make me cRy -HELL YEAH NEW SHIRT BABY -i'm so emotional -"well oBVIouslY cASsAndRa" i wish every deity had names as normal and human as cassandra -fuck them UP cassie -i love that tracker's just like "uh... babe?" -love having god in your corner -no more hangman puppy :((( -RIZTEN are the CUTEST i love them "i love all of them, riz the most, we know this" -"we still need the crown for our grade" FABIAN I LOVE YOU -"counselo- former counsel- i'm an assistant :(" why do y'all think this man is hot -KILL ARIANWEN -"she tried to hurt me in my shattered state?" "that's her MO" aww adaine my baby -HOLY SHIT PLEASE GIVE GILEAR ALL OF ARIANWEN'S MAGIC -GORGUG YOU SWEETHEART I LOVE YOU -cassandra throwing SHADE -ThE vANdS -aelwyn throwing SHADE -AWW RAGH I LOVE YOU BABY brennan lives another day -"a big bug gave me a riddle" that is NOT what happened -aww the hirelings are all crying and i DO NOT stan -hell YEAH cassandra OH I STOPPED KEEPING TRACK OF TIME IT'S BEEN OVER 4 HOURS -hELL YES HANGVAN -i love you fabian -nO IS CHUNGLE DOWN BIM REAL? -maybe the real chungle down bim is the friends we made along the way -GARTHY i love them -arthuR aGUEFORT - absolutely wild -ayda and arthur is crazy -"snOGGING THE HEADMASTER'S DAUGHTER ARE WE?" -awww that is so smooth fig "you don't need to make me the most magnificent creature because it seems you already have" -ARTHUR PULLS THROUGH -garthy is a cutie i love how they care so much for ayda -oH FUCK ME garthy is ayda's child from her previous life -"your girlfriend's daughter fucked your mom!" goddammit siobhan i can't handle this -if they fail i will cry -CHRONOMANCY!? absolutely fuck me -"professor principal headmaster aguefort" -hell yeah arthur you're killing it -faelwyn? absolutely can't handle it -aww kristen is baby -jawbone and sandra lynn are ok? amazing -jawbone is the best character -"our parents are great" kill me why don't you siobhan -AWWW FUCKING STOP BRENNAN WITH THESE GIFTS -i just cried he wants to adopt her -"you're easy to love" jawbone is fUCKING me up -LYDIA BARKROCK what a badass i love her already -"a pheonix whom everyone she touches is reborn better" fuck off emily -gorgug is a cutie <3 <3 -ABSOLUTELY KICK SKRANKS BIRD ASS -GORGUG CONFIRMED FUCKS -riz is a dork i love him -who knew "you're so much like your father" could make me feel like that -GILEAR IS MOVING THE FUCK IN BABY -GILEAR WITH SELF CONFIDENCE IS MY AESTHETIC -aww jawbone gave ayda autism books? jawbone is the sweetest to ayda cuz OF COURSE HE IS -AYDA GETS HER SPELL!!! -Ayda's Comprehend Subtext is the cutest spell ever -adaine and fig's friendship is too cute -craig has always been down for everything. i don't know craig but i love him -YES HOOT GROWL HOOT GROWL I'M SO PROUD OF RAGH -"BAD KIDS FOR LIFE" RAGH IS A CUTIE -NO FAELWYN IS REALLY HAPPENING I CAN'T -fabian's laugh is so cute -i love how nervous fabian is -WAIT FABIAN AND AELWYN ABSOLUTELY WILL FUCK? -fabian's gonna get his KISSES IN -aww i get how hyped figayda is but they are truly so adorable -weLL EMILY AXFORD I WILL LET YOU HURT ME LIKE THAT -they said i love you :((( -tracker only deserves the best -TRACKER'S GOING TO FALLINEL? I LOVE HER -ragh is going too? gay road trip! -that's adorable -ABSOLUTELY NOT BRENNAN FUCK OFF DO NOT SAY THE NIGHT YORB IS GONNA BE THE NEXT VILLAIN -BRENNAN NO YOU BITCH I HATE YOU THE NIGHT YORB IS THE VILLAIN OF JUNIOR YEAR? -that was crazy. i cried, i laughed. i am fuCKING HYPED FOR CROWN OF CANDY AND JUNIOR YEAR GANG!

[behercowboy]

i could go on for literal HOURS about the intricacies behind emily axford’s tiny journey of unrealized self-discovery through these successive episodes of fantasy high live.

literally, from the moment that the figayda implications first started, i fixated SO HARD on the little details that were her constantly shifting facial expressions and innate body language towards it. she was so quiet and contemplative. my personal opinion on figayda at the beginning of this was completely overshadowed by em’s initial reactions, as brennan laid the groundwork for the relationship and had ayda dropping lines that felt borderline IMPRESSIONABLE on a romance.

he’s a master of his craft, of course, and i’ve reiterated this point plenty of times on twitter and said that i’ve had yet to rewatch the past episodes, but the way em was acting at certain points after emotionally charged scenes CAUGHT my attention and KEPT my attention. you could actually hear how smart she was with her responses, a genius in the way that she wasn’t saying yes, but she wasn’t saying no either. you could see the gears turning in her head as she considered this chance, this possibility, perceptible but so contingent on how SHE felt.

not fig. obviously, she channels aspects of herself into fig, funnels them into her and exaggerates them to such a degree that it’s comical and just what she needs to juxtapose how serious she can get sometimes. and there’s definitely a line between reality and fantasy. but not fig. it didn’t feel like it was about fig to me. it was a product of em’s own making. thus, it was HER decision.

you gotta understand, when you KNOW things, when you KNOW how em feels in regards to relationships in dnd in general, you’ll be able to see why i’m going so feral over this and getting bigger with my words more than usual. just kidding. more than usual? this is the norm. ANYWAY.

“i can’t even flirt with people in dnd because i just panic. it’s too vulnerable and too real and i just bail.”

“especially in dnd, it’s really easy to, if you are shy about that, it’s really easy to have relationships be a non-issue because the stakes are always so heightened that sure, of course it’s not gonna be on your mind, but i keep wanting to, but i can’t do it.”

“there’s other ways to be very vulnerable. i mean, i cry in dnd all the time, and that doesn’t feel as embarrassing as, i guess, it maybe just feels more vulnerable to like someone and not know if they like you back. i can cry and have those emotions and that’s okay. it’s not as embarrassing.”

these are things em said in a recent episode of short rest, and courtesy of the loml jo aka @biscuitskrueger, which, by the way, THANK YOU SO MUCH, I OWE YOU MY LIFE, i got to hear these bits and pieces. they hit so hard when you connect them to this new storyline that fig’s got going on, this new chapter of her story that’s truly the most tender it can possibly get for an open book like her. and i don’t know, it just makes me go NUTS that this isn’t driven by the things you’d expect it to be driven by.

i’ll let myself get honest for a second, i know the majority of us are gonna run with figayda becoming canon and love it for fig and love it for ayda and keep it to their characters, and FUCK, that’s so valid. that’s so, so, so valid.

me? i’m taking this to heart through emily’s heart.

it could for sure just be me projecting because i’ve come to love her so much as a person, respect for her grown to an insane level in such a short amount of time, but i highly believe that all of em’s pcs take after her in the sense that they get her to make decisions.

impulsive girls with big hearts. i’ve come to learn that that’s my type. emily axford? TOTALLY that.

jo and i got to talking about this after the last live episode, focusing on how fig’s prior engagements with romance were about as flirtatious and over-the-top as they come, totally up em’s sleeve and totally funny no matter how many times she went after it. affair after affair. it was so her. because it was easier. because feeling strange feelings you haven’t felt in years is awkward and harder.

brennan being the clear instigator for figayda is the catalyst for getting em into this terrifying position where she’s got to make a choice. not go for it and lose this great opportunity for representation in a space where it’s not found often. go for it and risk the emotional effort that she’s verbally expressed makes her uncomfortable. it’s a TRUE dilemma. drag me if you want, but i would’ve still been with her if she had chosen that first option. it’s safe for her. while it’s a letdown for others, it’s power to her and a testament to an attempt.

here’s the thing. she FLOORS IT towards that second option. SHE! TAKES! THE! CHANCE! i don’t know if i could ever properly convey in text how happy it makes me that she did that. it wasn’t just for fig. it was for her. it’s BRAVE for the both of them. em had enough dedication to recognize that fig being with ayda can be a realistic choice. that takes guts.

couple this with the fact that she was still, consciously or unconsciously, FIGHTING the fact that she let this happen right after by doing that whole thing with murph. god, i know it was fig and riz in the moment, i know it was a bit, i know i’m reading into it too much, BUT. em bleeds her heart out into it. she wastes those two luck points and she uses that bless. anyone SANE would think it’d be hard to beat inquisitive rogue riz gukgak with his advantage on investigate checks. that fucking 28 doesn’t stop the strongest 31 ever. THE COMMITMENT. i’m losing my mind.

yes, yes, yes, it’s a known FACT that pcs will inevitably be parts of yourself. pcs will be extensions of yourself. and what about it? i’m ALLOWED to be in awe of this. i got attached to dnd because of this damn cast and i will not be held back from pouring myself out like this.

anyway, i’m just gonna close this by linking some breakdown threads i had over the few weeks leading up to this big fucking moment. and i’m also just gonna quote em.

“what can i say? i’m a closed book!!! i just don’t wear my heart on my sleeve!!! i’m all mystery!!!”

i know, em, i know.

[auburnfamilynews]

Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Down go the champs

SEC football is back in all it’s glory. For some schools, football being back was awesome as they watched their teams start the 2020 campaign with a W. For some, it was fun to see their favorite programs play but disappointing to start the year off with an L. Then there were LSU fans....

The Bayou Bengals became the first defending champs to lose their season opener since 1998 when Notre Dame fell to Michigan. Turns out replacing a Heisman winner, both coordinators, most of the offensive line, top three wide receivers, top running back and the majority of defensive starters is kind of a big deal.

Also, it turns out Mike Leach and his Mississippi State Bulldogs are ready for SEC defenses.

With one data point now available there were some shakeups to this week’s rankings. Let’s take a look. Also a quick note, I decided to drop FEI because it doesn’t appear those rankings are being updated on a weekly basis.

#1.) Alabama 1-0 (—)

SP+: 3 | FPI: 2

Last Game: 38-19 W @ Missouri

I admit that I watched exactly 2 snaps of this game so I don’t have much to offer in the form of analysis. It appears the Crimson Tide took care of business and then cruised to the finish line. Najee Harris scored three touchdowns, Mac Jones was efficient and Jaylen Waddle is still impossible to cover. Not sure there’s a ton to takeaway from this game for either team except that the Tide aren’t going to be surprisingly bad. We will learn more this weekend when the Aggies come to town.

Next Game: vs Texas A&M

#2.) Georgia 1-0 (—)

SP+: 4 | FPI: 6

Last Game: 37-10 W @ Arkansas

Per 247 Composite, there are sixteen former 5-star recruits on Georgia’s 2020 football roster. That’s the most of any program. More than Alabama, Ohio State and Clemson. It’s more than Auburn, Florida, Texas A&M and Tennessee combined. They opened the season with a road trip to Fayetteville to take on a Hog program stuck in the mud. A program with only four more 4-star players than UGA 5-stars.

And yet...

Hilariously, Arkansas took a 7-5 lead into halftime. Redshirt D’Wan Mathis did not look ready for collegiate football and it took the insertion of walk-on Stetson Bennett for the Dawgs to finally take care of business. The offensive line did not look it’s former dominant self either. The biggest question facing UGA heading into 2020 was whether or not this offense could take the next step. So far, it ain’t looking good....

But it might not matter. After allowing a 7 play 91 yard touchdown drive, UGA’s defense allowed only a field goal while picking off Franks three times including taking one back for six points. That’s why I still have them in the #2 spot over the Gators. This offense might not be great again but this defense is good enough to prevent a total meltdown. This weekend will tell us a lot about what this Dawg team is capable of accomplishing this fall.

Next Game: vs Auburn

#3.) Florida 1-0 (—)

SP+: 8 | FPI: 9

Last Game: 51-35 W @ Ole Miss

The University of Florida Fighting Kyles lit up the scoreboard in Oxford over the weekend. Kyle Trask threw for 416 yds and SIX touchdowns Saturday. WR/TE/Freak Kyle Pitts caught 8 of those passes for 170 yards and 4 touchdowns. Needless to say, Ole Miss fans won’t be naming any kids Kyle in the near future.

But while the offense was spectacular, that Gator defense had some serious struggles. I expected Ole Miss to put some points on the board but I didn’t see 600+ yards coming. The main concern I had about this UF team heading into 2020 was whether or not this defense was good enough to slow folks down. As of now, that question remains unanswered. It will be interesting to see how they look against an ok South Carolina team this weekend.

Next Game: vs South Carolina

#4.) Auburn 1-0 (+1)

SP+: 6 | FPI: 7

Last Game 29-13 W vs Kentucky

Auburn had the 2nd best win of the weekend taking down a veteran, physical Kentucky squad. The Wildcats controlled the first half for the most part but the Tigers dominated the 2nd half and were able to come away with a somewhat comfortable win.

Bo Nix looked good in his 2020 debut and Seth Williams is gonna be a problem for a lot of defenses this fall. Defensively, Auburn got knocked around early but settled down in the 2nd half. The big question is still the offensive line which performed admirably in their season debut but must improve if the Tigers are going to end that awful drought in Athens on Saturday.

Next Game: @ Georgia

#5.) Mississippi State 1-0 (+7)

SP+: 38 | FPI: 35

Last Game: 44-34 W @ LSU

Ok so I got a lot of apologizing to do to State fans. I thought this State team would be pretty bad this year. Sure Leach added an outstanding grad transfer at QB in K.J. Costello over the off-season but cmon... This Mississippi State team isn’t exactly overflowing with talent especially at the skill position (sans Kylin Hill). And that defense lost some major contributors and are switching to a brand new scheme. They will be luck to win 3 games I thought...

Welp....

Turns out this team is ready to create mayhem in the SEC. Costello carved up that vaunted DBU secondary and if he hadn’t kept turning the ball over this game might have been a legit blowout. Costello set the single game SEC passing record throwing for 623 yards and 5 touchdowns. Three State players crossed the century mark including star tailback Kylin Hill.

I don’t know how this season goes for Mississippi State but it’s definitely going to go much better than I expected. Gotta give an immense amount of credit to Leach and his coaching staff. They came out ready to go and made a massive statement this past weekend.

Next Game: vs Arkansas

#6.) Tennessee 1-0 (+1)

SP+: 24 | FPI: 30

Last Game: 31-27 W @ South Carolina

I picked Tennessee to lose this game but the Vols were able to make less mistakes than the Cocks and a few more big plays to escape with the W. It wasn’t necessarily an impressive performance but it was effective. The Dawgs look vulnerable and Tennessee has more talent than Kentucky. Can Jeremy Pruitt capitalize and make that final game of the year against UF the de facto SEC East championship?

Next Game: vs Missouri

#7.) Texas A&M 1-0 (-1)

SP+: 19 | FPI: 19

Last Game: 17-12 W vs Vanderbilt

Technically, Texas A&M won Saturday. But if anyone ventured over to the SEC Alternate channel to watch this cluster of a game, you probably didn’t come away super impressed with the supposed top challenger to the Tide in the West.

Turns out Kellen Mond is still Kellen Mond. That offensive line is still pretty bad and losing all that WR production is not easily replaced. I don’t think things are going to go well in Tuscaloosa this weekend....

Next Game: @ Alabama

#8.) Kentucky 0-1 (—)

SP+: 43 | FPI: 27

Last Game: 13-29 L @ Auburn

For one half of football, it looked like the Wildcats had a shot at living up to the preseason hype. Maybe this is the year they could go on the road into an SEC West venue against a ranked opponent and get the W. Then the 2nd half kicked off...

A disastrous 4th quarter resulted in a frustrating L for Big Blue Nation and they don’t get to lick their wounds. An explosive Rebel attack is set to visit Lexington and if Terry Wilson doesn’t get those turnovers cleaned up they could very well be 0-2 this time next week. I still think though this is top 3 team in the SEC East. We will see if they can get right against the Lane Train.

Next Game: vs Ole Miss

#9.) LSU 0-1 (-5)

SP+: 25 | FPI: 13

Last Game: 34-44 L vs Mississippi State

Turns out you can’t just easily replace literally your whole organization following a national championship. Weird huh?

It didn’t take long for LSU fans to learn that the Myles Brennan and Bo Pelini hype ain’t for real. The Tigers new QB struggled much of the day and wasn’t helped by drops and a porous offensive line. Pelini refused to switch out of his man defense and allowed Mike Leach to put on a clinic on how to beat it over and over again. There are some serious problems on this LSU team and I don’t know if they can all get fixed in the coming weeks.

Fortunately, a trip to play a not very good Vanderbilt team should get Ed O back to .500. However, if LSU wants any shot at a repeat they gotta find a way to adjust to this new world.

Next Game: @ Vanderbilt

#10.) Ole Miss 0-1 (-1)

SP+: 44 | FPI: 37

Last Game: 35-51 L vs Florida

I honestly didn’t wanna move Ole Miss down a spot it just kinda happened. The Rebels showed they are exactly who I thought they were over the weekend. An explosive but inconsistent offense paired with a very bad defense. The Rebels are going to give DCs around the SEC headaches but they are going to need some stops on the other side of the ball if they wanna string together any Ws. Big opportunity to make a statement this weekend against a frustrated Kentucky team.

Next Game: @ Kentucky

#11.) South Carolina 0-1 (—)

SP+: 34 | FPI: 40

Last Game: 27-31 L vs Tennessee

South Carolina has mastered losing to Tennessee in frustrating fashion. They fought to the bitter end but a punt off the backside of a blocker ended any opportunity of a dramatic finish. Offensively, South Carolina looked ok. It’s clear outside of Shi Smith this team is lacking in terms of play makers. This Saturday is a must win for Coach Boom.

Next Game: @ Missouri

#12.) Missouri 0-1 (-2)

SP+: 48 | FPI: 42

Last Game: 19-38 L vs Alabama

As I said above, I didn’t really watch this game so I got nothing really to say about this Mizzou squad other than they covered and that’s all that really mattered.

Next Game: @ Tennessee

#13.) Vanderbilt 0-1 (+1)

SP+: 110 | FPI: 68

Last Game: 12-17 L @ Texas A&M

They did their darndest to pull the stunner but then they are also Vanderbilt so of course it didn’t happen. I was impressed overall with the Dores performance though and rewarded them with what will likely be their highest ranking of the season. No way LSU loses this game too right?

Next Game: vs LSU

#14.) Arkansas 0-1 (-1)

SP+: 75 | FPI: 59

Last Game: 10-37 L vs Georgia

For one half of football, Arkansas stood toe to toe with one of the giants of the SEC. Hog fans rejoiced that maybe just maybe Sam Pittman was going to do the impossible. Then reality hit like a train in the 2nd half...

Outside of a few skill players on offense and the best named linebacker in the country in Bumper Pool, this program is devoid of SEC caliber talent. Feleipe Franks is still not a great quarterback. With Mississippi State not being the dumpser fire as hoped, I am not sure there’s a W on this schedule for the Hogs....

Next Game: @ Mississippi State

War Eagle!

from College and Magnolia - All Posts https://www.collegeandmagnolia.com/2020/9/28/21458459/sec-power-rankings-week-2

[traphousebois]

Can you do #1 on from the prompt list with colby please?

“It wouldn’t be the first time you broke a promise.” 

I was gonna do angst but I didn’t know how to write it so I stuck with funny lol. Hope you enjoyed it! 

Your Pov: 

Colby and I were currently out to eat at Tender Greens with Brennen. Colby and I were sitting on one side of the booth while Brennen sat on the other. 

“Hey Colby, you doing anything afterwards?” Brennan asked while wiping his hands on the brown napkin.  

Colby just shook his head. “Not really, Why?” 

“I was wondering if you wanted to go clubbing with the boys and I?” 

Colby glanced over to me to see what my response was gonna be. I shrugged. 

“You can go. I’ll just have Sam help me with filming. No big deal babe.” I told him. 

He looked at me unsure about my answer. 

“But I promised you I would help you study for your test after you finished filming?” 

Oh yeah. That’s right, he did promise me that. Well, I can’t go back on my answer now. I already told him he could go. And besides I didn’t want to hold him back from hanging out with his friends. I didn’t wanna be that type of girl. 

“I’ll just ask Sam to help me or something besides, it wouldn’t be the first time you broke a promise like that.”  

I was joking of course. I’ve ditched Colby many of times to have a girls night and he knew that. He didn’t care. Besides, it’s not like he promised me to help me with something very important. It’s just a test that literally any one can help me study for. 

He rolled his eyes at my comment. 

“Haha very funny babe. But are you sure your alright with me going out?” 

I shoved his shoulder a bit. 

“I already told you, I’m fine. Go have fun with the guys, but not too much fun.” 

Brennen laughed at the last part. 

“Don’t worry Y/N, I’ll bring him back safe and sound just for you.” 

I sent a glare his way. 

“You better.”