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shesawriter39049 · 6 years

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|FAMILY TIES| M| MAFIA AU| 2

SMUT/ANGST

SUMMARY: A powerful alliance made up of 4 families spanning over a decade, is suddenly turned on its head when one family has a new leader after an unexpected death. Well let’s just say he’s not down to follow the somewhat civilized rules your families have inforced. Sooo now, it’s game on…

THIS CHAPTER IS VERY STORYLINE HEAVY AS FAR AS LUXX & TAE ARE CONCERNED.... BTW

15k

WARNINGS: HMMM, DIRTY TALK, ORAL( M/F GIVING AND RECEIVING) SLIGHT LINGERIE KINK, LIGHT CUMPLAY, OVERSTIMULATION LIGHT DOM TAE, FACE RIDING, CAR SEX...KINDA LOL

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His eyes were studying yours his whole aura seemed..different…the way he looked at you was a lot softer now as his touch also changed, it was more so him needing to make sure you were calm. As his hands rubbed light circles along the small of your back, he could feel you start to melt into his touch. Yes, this was your life..the only one you knew but that didn’t make shit like this any easier.

Letting a deep exhale release from your lungs, your hands found their way into his hair reconnecting your lips to his taking advantage of the moment. He could feel you smile into the kiss and that let him know you were good. He chuckled lightly against your lips ,still not breaking the kiss, the way he caressed you in his arms just screamed “That’s my girl”.It was like..he could sense that you were at ease, because he was there, and you had his back, down to start a fire the minute he was.

His hand snaked up your neck, pulling you in tighter, as he deepened the kiss. Mr.Kim couldn’t control himself around you tonight, and you weren’t complaining it was rare, that he got like this and you loved it. letting himself get completely out of his head and just live in the moment with you. But the moment came to an abrupt halt once as your body jerked from a sloppy ass turn the driver took a low grunt leaving both of your lips in aggravation as you tried to keep your cool. Not a smooth driver by any means, shit it felt like you were a second away from slamming into the door. Currently questioning if you were in a game of bumper cars to be honest, because that would make a lot more sense.

In all honesty he was driving like he was nervous, another rookie mistake. Neither of you would ever feel uneasy by one of your driver’s skills,even if they were doing 130 down a dead end they were always smooth. Also, as the driver sometimes you don’t know what happened or why your picking someone up. The less you know the better, that way if ever questioned, the honest response is “I was just told to drive”. So with that being said, your driver wouldn’t speak without being spoken too, which so far is the only rule this rookie is following properly.

Taehyung called it off rip …he was just probably some guy, who was broke and needed some cash. He’s not valuable to Marco, he doesn’t know much, and on top of that he’s terrified, not only of fuckng up but more importantly his passengers.The two of you were known to do some pretty serious damage together if need be. You could go from danity and vulnerable to heartless and lethal within seconds. Which is why it was crucial for him to go undetected, if the two of you caught on he didn’t stand a chance. Little did he know he blew it the minute Taehyung got in the car. You watched his brow furrowed in frustration at his ammature driving, the grip on your waist tightening, you could tell by the look on his face he was beyond pissed. Ready to snatch his ass right out of the driver’s seat, and end this pathetic excuse for a kidnapping or whatever the fuck it was..he wasn't impressed to say the least. As bad as Tae’s temper was,he wasn’t a loose canon. Even though this guy seemed like a complete cake walk, unless you two were in immediate danger there’s no way Taehyung would make an impulsive decision like that with you in the car. Even the slight risk of you getting hurt because of something he did would ruin him. He hid it well, but him being protective over you goes way deeper than just the family business.

Knowing he had to find a distraction so he could stop envisioning repeditaly bashing this man's head into the window until his skull was in dicetable pieces. I guess he’s lucky his favorite lady was already on his lap.. Reclining your back to rest against the driver’s seat with a mischievous smirk which he read you clear as day..you two were about to give this rookie the ride of his life. One of his favorite things about you, no matter how girly you were..hair, nails,makeup, high heels..you weren't afraid to play dirty.

“Oh, by the way I bought you something…” his hands roamed up your sides as you kicked your brow up out of curiosity. Your dynamic had changed over the past almost 6 months, all of the built up sexual tension finally came to a head after the two of you closed a pretty dangerous deal is Sao Paulo. The leftover adrenaline coursed through your veins as he had you bent over a balcony 20 stories up. Hand around your neck, he fucked you until you couldn't even see straight, and once your legs gave out he laid you on chaise lounge and kept goin… But that’s about all it was, Taehyung somehow mastered the art of not getting in his feels,but every once in awhile his heart would pick a fight, and lately it’s been knocking him on his ass.

You knew he was just trying to make small talk..but he’s never just randomly bought you something, unless it was like food,liquor, or a hotel suite “I actually bought it a while ago,but ya know, you just had to be a fuckin brat” His words came out almost in the form of a growl as he coyly reached in the pocket inside your coat, sliding your 9..down your sleeve. Which drapped on the floor, cradling it in your hand, due to your jacket hanging off your shoulders, the gun and your hand were completely covered.

Rolling your eyes not even bothering to actually verbally give a response,which only made him chuckle. He really wasn’t phased by you he’s known you damn near your whole life, he just..ya know.. wanted to choke your bratty ass sometimes that’s all.

“Clearly you still haven’t learned your lesson..” You felt a hard smack on your ass but you knew it was coming, keeping your eyes trained on his as you just shrugged nonchalantly in response. Trying to play it cool but he left one hell of a sting, already feeling the heat start to pool between your thighs.”But I feel like I’d be torturing myself more than you …” Adjusting his tone slightly, the arousal dripping from his lips clear as day, it as insane the cast that hung over the two of you right now. The energy that radiated between you did not reflect the situation you were currently in whatsoever! God you loved the way he looked at your body, as he massaged up your thighs it was like you could physically see the affect you had on his own, as he slowly let himself go piece by piece.

“When I saw it I knew you’d look sooo sexy...while your pretty little mouth was wrapped me…ass up…wearing my favorite pair of Louboutins” The smoothness in which he delivered that you honestly couldn’t even be pissed at him assuming he’d get his way. He definitely had a lingerie kink and you knew It was a piece from Agent Provocateur, it was one of his favourite brands and he wasn’t shy to pick out what he liked. But typically it was while you were already ordering, he’d never done it on his own before! On the surface the two of you may appear to be 100% lost in your own world, completely unaware of your surroundings. All the random side turns this twat rockets taking down side streets. But Nah, you were well aware, just waiting until the time was right, while having a little fun in the meantime.

You weren’t going to let him know how genuinely happy the idea of him lingerie shopping made you, not the way your ego was set up. “And who says that you’ve been good enough to have my lips wrapped around your dick Mr. Kim?” Cocking your head to the side slightly capturing his gaze with yours, as a cocky smirk landed across his lips. Lacing his tongue against his plump bottom lip as he readjusted your position on his lap, rolling his hips up into yours.

“We both know, especially tonight …I’ve been more than good my baby …” Fuck how was it possible for his voice to get deeper, digging his nails into your ass through the thin fabric of your dress. Signaling for him to scoot closer he leaned in for a kiss,the grip on your waist got tighter as he already knew what was coming. Slowly creeping your hand up the back of the driver's seat strategically placing your gun between the gap in the head rest causing the hammer to make a slight clicking sound as the muzzle hit his neck . Granted this was not an ideal position but you’ve done this long enough, were you could make it work.

Your tongue still hadn't left Taehyung's until you both felt the car come to a complete stop, as he gasped in utter panic once he realized what was happening and at that point Taehyung had enough. “Alright, fuck this..”The whole car jerked, while he gently removed you from his lap, it still amazed you how quick he could switch gears. He went from caressing you to slowly fumming in the matter of seconds you watched him grunt, rolling his eyes in frustration as he quickly climbed over the seat hopping into the passenger side as you adjusted yourself still keeping your gun at the back of his neck. “Keep drivin…” Surprised by how relaxed his tone was in comparison to the look on his face. Taehyung searched him quickly before taking his own gun in one hand and his phone in another .

“Amature move number 10 sweetheart, you never. stop. driving…” you whispered out boldly against the skin of his neck as your lips brushed his ear. Tae couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you ,he thought you were the sexiest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on . Even if his pride wouldn’t let him admit it this man was becoming so consumed by you it’s unreal! Accidently catching his gaze, it felt like your heart stopped for a moment when you realized the way he was looking at you. The moment was short lived though, regardless of the situation you were currently in. You should’ve known better than to think Kim Taehyung was allowing himself to actually fucking feel more than a orgasm.

“She’s right, for all you know she could’ve just been fuckin with you. None of my men would’ve stopped driving, or jumped when I gouged at the seat nor would they have made that sloppy ass bang around the corner…..so I‘m only gonna ask this once...and don't you dare lie to me. I’m really not in the mood for games tonight, what fuckin’ character sent you?!“

Lucky for the driver in the midst of all this one of Taehyung’s men called, so he was temporarily distracted leaving you to deal with it.Signaling to you with his gun, which let you know he wanted you to continue his interrogation, while he was preoccupied. His delivery was just..fuck..…it always did something to you when he was doing business he was so stern and such a fucking man!! He never had to yell for people to know he wasn’t to be fucked with! He’s a pretty boy who likes designer things, yet It was so effortless for him to balance the two, he could look like a Blue Blood or a guy from The Dot, and have respect from either party.

Before you even had a chance to open your mouth, his eyes shot back in the driver's direction, I guess the nano second of silence was far too much for Taehyung to handle ”Did I not just say, I’m not in the mood for this shit? The fucks the matter with you?”Grazing the hammer with his index finger, cocking his head to the side while his tongue grazed his teeth. His accent that sat typically mild on a day to day basis, always grew even thicker once he got frustrated. Even faint, in combination with the deep rich tones of his voice..you were ready to get on your knees whenever and wherever he wanted. Granted this probably shouldn’t be running through your mind while you guys are technically in the midst of being kidnapped with a gun to a man’s head. But that’s the kinda shit that runs through your mind regardless of the situation when your dealing with Kim Taehyung.

Believe it or not, this man was either stupid or..just..well stupid because he still stayed quiet , which at this point you assumed he was playing the same game they all did and you weren’t in the mood . “Oh for fucks sake, spare me with the “I’d rather die than talk” bullshit please ! Trust me this mother fucker doesn’t give a fuck about you, it will get you nowhere!” Your tone was cold as all hell reflecting no type of emotion, you’d been through this far to many times for you to even be slightly amused.

Suddenly the energy around you felt suffocating..something just didn't feel right, and in that moment...all your patience flew out the window. Knocking the muzzle against the back of his neck even harder this time, causing his head to jerk a little when you still got NO response. You flicked the lock with your finger until it clicked which immediately got Taehyung’s attention because that sound meant you were about to release from your register “Your a second away from your organs being splattered along the dash kid” Raising your tone out of pure frustration, but it didn’t take you guys long to realize that it actually sounded like he was almost…crying? Well, fuck, clearly this wasn’t going the way you anticipated, completely dumbfounded who the hell kidnaps someone..and then has a mental breakdown!?

The look on both of your faces mirrored the same level of confusion, I.E WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON!?

“Jesus kid are you crying, seriously!?” Ducking his head down slightly trying to get a better look at his face “Seriously?? Am I getting punk’d or something!? How old are you?!?” Pulling the drivers hat off ,flicking the light on. To your surprise the tone was, calm, and warm actually,complete contrast to how he originally approached him. An almost sympathetic sigh left his mouth when he looked over at him, this kid looked like he was barely 18! The word “kid” was used very frequently in Boston, but buy no means did you actually think he was actually barely legal!

“Of fucking course!” You whispered out low in frustration and slight disbelief, shaking your head, as it now was all starting to make since. He wasn’t just a rookie he was a child, you guys didn’t do business like this..unless they were in the family you didn’t involve kids. Even though you felt bad you still didn’t remove the gun, deep down you knew this wasn’t some trap, Marco just didn’t give a fuck, but you were trained to never underestimate anyone! Just wanting someone cheap … that was easily impressionable, and disposable.

This life wasn’t for everybody that’s for damn sure, on the surface it looks great, the money ,cars,planes, trips you name it. But it does something to your spirit, after some of the shit that you see in this line of work. I know it sounds cliche but it's true..your never the same…God forbid your in a position where you’re the one deciding if and when someone will take their last breath. You gotta have a strong ass heart,and a lot of the time you almost gotta act like you don’t have one at all, and it’s hard still…even for you two. Mr. Kim could attest to that better than anyone…

In this moment not caring how young he was…Taehyung was getting pissed that he hadn’t answered his question! Like I said there's a time and place for everything, he didn’t expect you to worship the ground he walks on. But in a situation like this when Kim Taehyung asks you a question you answer, simple as that.You watched his head cock to the side, eyes extremely focused on the divers mannerisms, you couldn’t tell if he was enraged, or concerned, as he was still on the phone with one of his men. All you could do was hold your breath and pray he didn’t do anything crazy

.“Alright, you know what? I‘M done, I’m done with this conversation! I don’t care who fucked up were..just fix it! Jhonny,put me on speaker..” pausing taking in a couple slow breaths, using his index and middle finger to pinch the bridge of his nose, almost indicating the conversation was giving him a migraine and knowing Taehyung’s lack of patience..it probably was

“Alright boss..”

“If you guys are smart, you’ll make sure nothing else goes wrong tonight, I’m not in the mood for this amateur bullshit! Oh by the way you mother fuckers literally let me get kidnapped by a kid that can’t even grow fucking facial hair! Get your shit together!” Tossing his phone down on his lap, letting out a deep sigh in aggravation as he ran his fingers through his hair. His phone went off almost instantly once he hung up, probably sending him directions.

Still, in the midst of all that he stayed dead silent in the drivers set, jaw cinched ..trying to look tough, yet you could see how glossy his eyes were, they were probably burning from him trying to suppress his tears. “Alright, well now that i’ve clarified my men are incompetent and you’re probably not even old enough to buy cigs..pull into this parking lot, then your gonna pull out…bang a uey, and we’re going in the opposite fuckin direction.”

His delivery was so chill it was almost comical, there wasn't even a hint of concern in his voice, already well aware the driver would follow his instructions. You watched his shaky hands pull into a lot of what appeared to be a diner . Pulling out, and doing exactly what was instructed of him “Good boy …” He coaxed and it seemed to put the kid at ease “Make a left at the next light. “ . Taehyung knew what he was doing, purposely waiting until the driver seemed a little calmer before he started to ask him questions.. “Ok. I’m gonna say this one more time, and if you don’t respond I’ll revert right back to that motherfucker I was when I first got up in the front seat . You're already pushing it because my biggest pet peeve is repating myself...yet here I fuckin go soudnig like a damn parrot!”

He kept is tone low and stern but still he wasn’t yelling, it was rare he did. “If I’m being honest I don’t care how young you are I’m not the one that hired you. At the end of the day the job you accepted put her life in danger and that alone is enough for me to bash your fuckin head in.” Cocking his head to the side leaning in a little closer as he tried to read the kids expression. Barely centimeters away from this kids face, a knot forming in your own stomach just from observing..you heard him sniffle and clear his throat .

“I-I didn’t do anything to your driver by the way , I actually don’t know where he is ...the car was empty when I got in it” He paused needing to focus on the road but you also knew he needed to calm down.

“After you make this turn your going to stay straight for a while . Then hang a right into the gas station…Keep goin..” The combination of warmth in his voice and of course pure fear encouraged him to actually continue

”I’m- I’m 18, he comes to the packie I work at, I just turned 18, and the day I did my foster mom put my ass right out! I -He asked if I wanted to make some quick cash …he just said I’d have to drive a car. I had an hour to get you guys to someone else..” It hurt more than you thought to hear this young kid say what the both of you already knew, which is that he was just a pawn in Marco’s game. But both of you became slightly intrigued the more he spoke, he knew Marco probably didn’t deal with him directly but did he know a name? A location? ANYTHING!

“Shit I’m screwed , I had one job ! One FUCKING job ……then you get paid..that’s all I had to do…that’s all I had to do..” you heard him whisper out the last part,actually almost sounding like he was outta breath. Repeatedly it like a prayer, both of you zoned in on him, making sure in his sudden panic he wouldn’t suddenly try to do something irrational. This was all in a day’s work ..at the end of the day he had a job to complete and so far he hasn’t, at a 9-5 that could get you written up or fired..in this line of work it could get you killed.

You watched Taehyung’s expression change slowly, he felt bad, really bad. “Shit man, “ Tae huffed in frustration running his fingers through his hair “You know there’s a chance he’ll kill you if you don’t bring us in right?” 18 or not Taehyung wasn’t going to sugar coat it he’d rather you be braced for the worst then leave you in the dark . His eyes glanced over at him and he just nodded.

”Yeah, but I don’t have much here, never have it wouldn’t be shit for me to use the money I have and hop on a greyhound or something..” He was trying to sound strong but you two saw right through it ,he probably barley made $10.00 a hour. All the money he had would probably only cover the bus ride and one night in a motel .

“Pull in here …” he instructed as calm as ever noticing his blacked out Jaguar parked behind a semi. You could feel the car start to slow up, before actually coming to a complete stop right in front of the driveway, he was having second thoughts, I mean not that you blame him. “I really wouldn't do this If I were you” you heard a deep slow exhale leave Taehyung’s body as he adjusted his gun in his hand “Don’t push me, would you prefer I just let you pull the trigger yourself? Because you essentially digging your own grave right now, pull. in.to .the driveway...now.” Taehyung’s voice was barely above a whisper but the authority behind it spoke volume as his eyes cut over to the drivers, You felt a knot form in your stomach..praying the driver wouldn’t do anything stupid. You watched his grip get tighter on the wheel, knuckles flushing the palest shade of ivory, the headlights caught Taehyun’s men’s attention.

Two of them started walking over..trying to see what was taking so long now it was 1 against 4. You watched his eyes flutter as he let out a low defeated sigh while putting the car back in drive, once pulled in Taehyung’s men were quick to yank him out the car, slamming him against the hood “HEY! Mazda..chill he’s just a kid..leave him be…I got this…I got him…” shoeing him away as he stepped closer. Once Mazda released him you watched him drop to the ground it was almost like his entire body caved in.

Taehyung walked over, opening your door “Hey,Can you go stand by my car baby doll? I just need to have a quick word with our little buddy over here..”

Your brow immediately arched so much attitude laced across you face as you crossed your arms against your chest..for one..the pet name threw you off..and two since when are you not allowed to be in on business conversations? Incase he forgot you were BOTH kidnapped, he detected you weren’t pleased letting out a deep huff, leaning down sliding his tongue into your mouth effortlessly. Forcing his way in with such ease..it was so quick you were almost confused it happened, yet somehow he was able to explore what felt like every inch of your mouth.Causing you to moan against his tongue, it was crazy how easily he could get to you now.

”Please, I need him to talk and I don’t want the two of us tag teaming him...promise I’ll fill you in once we leave...” His plea came out in a low whisper.. As his hand massaged the back of your neck…how could you say no when he just kissed you like that, more importantly he was right. This kid was fragile It was clear that Tae cracked his shell a little, in more ways than just utter fear. Letting out an exaggerated huff as you hopped out of the car, but of course because your, you a dramatic exit wouldn’t be complete without you rolling your eyes at him. In which he just chuckled while you swayed past ,placing a quick pat on your ass as you headed towards his men .

Taehyung crouched down in front of the kid, that was now sobbing. Planting his hand on his shoulder “Hey..” his tone was somber trying to get his attention ..”I’m gonna help you out a little..you can keep the car, my men will give you a new plate and some cash…but I need you to help me out first…” His eyes widened..after hearing that. In all honesty he probably did not have the money for a greyhound, and if he had a car…he could maybe sleep in that instead of a motel and save money.

Nodding his head eagerly in response “What the fuck was this about?” Pausing for a moment not sure if he was having second thoughts or just trying to get his thoughts together, so Tae thought he’d try to coax him along “Listen, If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve done it already…and I still can, Not to sound like a total dick but what happens to you once I pull out of here has no affect on my life.”

Pausing purposely really wanting that resonate with him, making sure he understood that Taehyung really didin;t have to help him.

“I’m trying to help you, but I need you to help me too..do you understand?“ Still keeping his voice calm even though at this point he was about out of patience this boy had about 2 seconds to speak…and it was clear he picked up on it

“Yes….” His almost passive response was met by Taehyung's unforgiving glare, play time was over..he needed answers. “I-honestly don’t know the reason…the guy who comes into the packie they call him Zeb, but I don’t know if that’s his real name. it’s-it’s not like they told me hey we’re planning a shoot out, but I was at the party the whole time as a server. They told me to go in and interview, I guess they were hiring more people for just that one event .I -I did have a que to leave..it was prior to the shootout..so I guess that technically clarifies they were in on it.”

Taehyung’s eyes studied him as he talked, watching his mannerisms, his eye contact..eye movements..even the way he was fidgeting. Trying to see if he seemed..genuine or rehearsed “Only other thing I know is Zeb is usually always with someone, but the day he brought me my clothes the car was different. Memorable I guess? Typically he was always in something I don’t know more low key..this one was an old school candy apple red corvette…I don't know if that helps but..that’s all I got, a possible name and a car...I’m sorry. I’m just really sorry...” Throwing his hands up while letting lout deep exhale,body still trembling slightly but Tae could tell he felt relieved to get that off his chest. To be honest, it didn’t really help, the problem is..Marco probably had new men because none of Leos would help and Tae didn’t know any of them yet. But the car was definitely something to look out for, and he could also do some snooping on Marco’s soilders at a later date.

Giving his arm a squeeze before standing up with a slight smile,abruptly signaling for his men to come closer “Jhonny, Benny search the car first, make sure there isn’t anything we need…before he leaves. I want a full z30 on this bitch, head to toe! Twice if you have to, run over it with a BL when your done to double check, also leave him with a envelope…” Finally bringing his gaze over to this child, not even asking him,what his name was. I guess Taehyung felt he deserved to keep that to himself, he was already thrown into way more than he bargained for. He seemed so overwhelmed by it all, I don't think it really set in until now. “Take care of yourself kid! Use the money wisely…just lay low for a little Im sure this will all pass ”

The boy sniffled and nodded, “Thank you!” Was all he was able to croke out before turning back to Jhonny for further instruction.

While you stood posted against his car, you were actually too far away to hear what was discussed, his face had you curious. A couple guards, were sprawled around you after what happened earlier they’d be damned if they let you out of there site. Walking up to you, grabbing your waist pulling your body into his, massaging your ass in his palm, fuck it felt so good to have him like this. To have him this close outside of sex…don’t worry you still knew better but fuck it felt good.

“Were about to head out,you wanna run in there and grab yourself something to keep you Preoccupied before we go?” Waiving a 50 in your face, with a slight smirk. Snatching it right out of his hand like a big kid as you skipped into the gas station. His eyes immediately shot over to one of his men, in which they took the hint with the quickness to follow you into the store. The minute he heard the door close behind you, the base in his voice echoed throughout the almost empty lot, he was cutting into his men, hard. While you were picking out all of your goodies you heard a couple loud thuds outside not even wanting to know what was happening .

The sound clearly startled the clerk as he went to check outside, and you knew this wouldn’t be good. Both yourself and his guard ran out behind him, only to find Tae, striking the icebox with his fist. Each grunt that left, his chest subsided little by little. “Hey! what the hell do you think your doin man!?”

Shit, shit shit, he actually yelled at him, clearly he didn’t know who he was dealing with.. I mean yes obviously Tae is destructing his property so he has every right to be upset this just..fuck this wasn’t a good time to address him in that tone of voice. “Nothing to see here man I’m just leavin..” His tone of voice was alarmly calm in contrast to the blows he was taking to the iceox as well, as his bruised,slightly bloody knuckles. God he had such nice hands why did he have to fucking attack the icebox! His eyes gazed up at the clerk jaw tight, while his hand rested on his hip, suit jacket, no I’m sorry let me specify his Versace suit jacket was on the ground in front of him.

The sarcastic chuckle echoed across the empty parking lot “Are you fucking kidding me!? You’re damaging my property and your bitch over here has a bunch of shit in her hand she didn’t pay for..” You went completely wide eye and actually speechless at the derogatory slur as you honestly didn’t realize you had the stuff in your hand, before you could even say anything you found yourself distracted by Taehyung. You watched his expression change it was almost like he backed out, strolling towards the clerk slowly..too slow actually “You know what man..your right I’m sorry let me pay you for the damages..” None of you expected that..his tone even changed..it as lighter..a slight smile moved up is face, as he cranked back decking the clerk dead in the face. He was literally on the ground, blood oozing out his nose, while Mazda reached over to grab Taehyungs blazer off the ground.

Tae singinally for you to come in his direction with his middle finger and you followed. Purposely stepping over the “gentleman” as you walked, lightly digging the heel of your red bottom in his abdomen as you amouvered over him. You heard he rasp our the word “Bitch” causing to to turn around, pressing your heel firm against his throat, until he was damn near crying “I’m sorry what was that!? Yeah like I thought, who's the bitch now!” Tae’s grip on your arm was damn near the only thing stopping you from legitimely gouging his adam's apple out with your shoe!

“I really should come back and unload a good 15 rounds through this bitch!” Pausing slightly..letting his eyes scan the perimeter of the gas station “Actually..meh..I still might..oh have fun getting that nose realigned, you got a bit of a hump anyway..maybe they can even that out for ya!!“ Turning away slowly taking his time strolling back to the car, hands stayed connected to your waist the entire way, his grip was firm, wasit flesh to your ass. As dysfunctional as it may sound, seeing each other in this element was one of your biggest turn ons you’d consider it a knink but I dont ink there a “mob/mafia” kink list. Both of you guys equally powerful, and dangerous in your own right. He felt just as secure with you as you did him!

The plan was standard...simple, Taehyung would drive you two himself, but one of his men wouldn’t be more than 10 feet away as you guys commuted through the city. The drive from the gas station to the bridge was about 35 minutes. Upon crossing the bridge the other 3 cars would tail him as he crossed into the city. The driver that would ghost him the whole drive had a very standard car, just a black chrysler 300 nothing that would seem suspicious or draw attention, under the hood it was a damn monster but he the surface it was low key. Taehyung on the other hand, he was a different story, not sure why they brought this particular car for him. It was a matte black Jaguar F type, it had racing tires and a turbo engine and sat lower than it’s supposed to. Point being it looks like a race car, you just felt like it would draw attention to him, not too familiar with who ran this territory as well as how clean there cops were. The car just screamed “Money..” so you knew he would catch people’s attention just out of curiosity. Taehyung’s tires alone were enough to get him flicked, but he was a drifter, so more than likely he asked for this one.

All four cars pulled out together and actually stayed in a straight line a good 3 miles. So much had gone on you didn’t even know what time it was, the party started early..around 5..so between that and the commotion it was only pushing 11 at night. Taehyung’s hand found a firm grip on your thigh as he drove.. Not saying much, and you were fine with that, you knew he had a lot on his mind right now. You felt his palm starts to massage your thigh, slowly making its way higher, and higher..eyes fluttering over in his direction while his stayed focused on the road. The sound of some form of R&B floated through your ears in the background, you were tensing your thighs not giving him what he wanted. You could feel, his nails digging into you until you spread your legs the way he wanted.

“God your so damn sexy....” Always down to give you endless amounts of praise.

Letting his index finger sooth up your slit and your eyes glanced over at him, his jaw laxed and his neck reclined, there was nothing sexier than the way he reacted to your body. You could’ve sworn he was the one getting pleasured with the form of euphoria he was in. His fingers rocked up and down your clit ,rubbing gentle circles, you could phsycaly hear how wet you were …his fingers were damn near sticking to you. “Tae..” Reclining back in your seat, letting your eyes flutter shut as you spread your legs even further, the needy cry left your lips as he slid two fingers in.

“Baby, your already soo fucking wet, fuck, goodamn” His voice was so calm., and so smooth, as it laced through your ears, it was almost like you could feel every words course through your body. Going in knuckle deep making you slouch down completely in your seat, tightening your walls around his fingers “I know you fuckin love it when I get angry, You were standing over there with no fucking panties on just dripping down your thighs weren’t you baby? This pretty little pussy was just throbbing for me..” He continued to work you with his fingers, adding a third, as he curled them against you.

“Yes, fuck you already know how much I love it..oh my god you feel so good!” He continued to work you, while you felt yourself run down your thighs and his custom leather seats ..until you heard the GPS cut in letting him know he’d be turning in a half mile. You knew at that point once he entered a main road he’d need to focus. Needing him to stop before you got any closer you took a firm grip on his hand pulling his fingers away and lacing them into your mouth with a moan, purposely as you knew how much he loved that…a hiss left his lips as he watched a slight chuckle leaving your lips as you pulled away. His hand landed right back on your thigh, still keeping a firm grip on it,, almost as if he didn’t want you to forget what he could do at any second..You watched him approach the fork in the road and you knew that’s where they’d separate. The road was quiet..didn’t seem like there were too many business on this side of town slightly rural.

While stopped at a light you both watched a black car pull out a lot and turn into the lane to your right, it was a standard cadillac, the windows slightly tinted . Neither of you seemed concerned Taehyung’s eyes did cut over quickly just out of habit, once the light turned green the car hesitated, it was almost like he purposely waited to go, wanting to be a couple feet behind Taehyung . It didn’t take long for one of his men to notice as he creeped up his speed a little to lock in the space behind him, incase this guy tired too. “Who the fuck are you..” you heard him whisper out to himself, he didn’t seem concerned, moreso intrigued.

‘Don’t worry boss I see’em” The voice that came through the speaker was Mazda, Johnny and himself are Taehyung’s right hand soldiers and he was also one hell of a driver. Taehyung sped up purposely to see if the other driver would react and he did. The grip on your thigh got tighter and you already knew you needed to make sure your seatbelt was buckled as tight as it could. “Once the light turns green, I’m blowing all of em the next 4 miles ..” He spoke into the speaker , Mazda didn’t verbally respond but you heard him pump his gas a couple times, causing a mischievous smirk to move up Tae’s face “Thatta boy..”.

The minute the light went green, he eased into it..staying at a steady 40 for a minute before quickly moving up towards 90. Blowing through the next 2 lights, as he approached the 3rd he clearly had a split second decision “Hold on love” He was still pushing 90 when he cradled the wheel in his hand, making tight, tightttt turn, completely spinning around in the center of the road. No other car would be able to handle a turn like that, thank God the road was pretty much dead or else you probably would have shit a brick with how fast he whipped that turn. Driving back in the opposite direction, before making a quick right down a side street. You heard tires screech and a slight thud, which Taehyung ignored if anything, the caddy hammered the break trying to keep up with Tae and whip that turn and Mazda purposely tapped him to give you guys time to speed off. His eyes glanced down at his Gps, noticing 2 streets down, was a dead end residential cul de sac. Easing down on the gas he turned down the side street. Upon approaching a stop sign he knew he needed a place to lay low for a couple minutes.

One if his best skills is being quick on his toes deciding he was going to his left,pulling up just enough to turn around. Shutting his headlights off heading down the side street, in reverse,not even sure if you could breathe at this point. Bagging into the driveway of the house at the end of the street. All the lights were off but it as clear people were home, fingers crossed know one looked out there damn window. “Where did you go!!?” Mazda finally spoke out probably tired of trying to find him. Taehyung had a tracker on the car he was driving but no one had one on his. Not trusting the possibility of someone snatching one of his mens work cars.

“I see you, stay where your at..I’ll be….” Pausing mid sentence watching a car creep down the opposite end of the dead end,but he actually had his lights on, another rookie move. You could tell by how slow he was driving he look for you two. “There ya go..keep drivin’ buddy..” you felt his hand massage up your thigh, just trying to keep you calm. Squeezing his hand a little to let him know you were still good, even though your stomach was in 23422 knots you were still good. “Find me a busy Main rd, now! Unless you want to just start firing rounds at every damn car that looks suspect , so yes that means I’m firing rounds at every fucking black car I see …” you could hear it in his voice , he was tired, cranky,and fed up ! In his mind there’s no reason he should’ve been in this position to begin with. You watched his GPS reroute him, keeping his lights off until he made his way out of the subdivision. Once turning onto a back road, you watched Mazdas car pull into the left lane and it wasn’t long before that Cadillac was back.

“Alright buddy you wanna run , we can run !” Taehyung pressed on the gas , he could see a pretty busy intersection approaching at the end of this backroad.“How much do you trust me ?” He quickly glanced over at you honestly not sure if you wanted to respond.

“Ughh, Fuckkk, more than I wanna admit ,why?” He could hear the timidness in your tone, not responding just smirking down at you with a dark chuckle that made your stomach turn. Reaching down to grab your hand, intertwining your fingers with his, he could sense you were nervous..pulling your hand up to his mouth leaving a couple delicate kisses. Fuck who was this man!?? Because this is not at all what your use too..Once the arrow turned green to approach the intersection he hit the gas to damn near a hundred and so did the Cadillac “Fuck Tae!!” You gritted our through clenched teeth. This street was busy really busy, as he weaved his way through lanes . In and out, in and out until he got were he needed to be, at this point the cady couldn’t keep with his his speed, skill or the aerodynamics of Tae’s car which allowed him to do this so effortlessly. There was only one turn needed before it was a straight shot to the bridge . The light was yellow , and you guessed it he blew it , turning red right as he was turning , taking a tight grip on the wheel spinning, damn near doing a burn out into the turn lane. “Kim Tae-fucking -Hyung” you damn near screamed at him and all he did was laugh as he barely merged you two in between a truck and a semi that was also pulling into the lane from a gas station.

It felt like your heart was in your damn pinky toe as you waited for the light to turn green. The minute the tail of his car pulled into the lane a truck blew by, if he miscalculated even by an inch you two could’ve been dead ! He smiled his big boxy grin back at you , and you couldn’t help but laugh “Shit Tae I almost pissed myself! What the fuck!” Punching his arm playfully even though in all honesty he deserved it . Leaning over placing a ton of messy kisses all over your face as you tried to swat him away, to be honest you did love the adrenaline rush, it didn’t take long for your yelling to turn into laughing!

Remember how I said he wouldn’t make impulsive dangerous decisions with you around? Well that was only if he wasn’t the one in charge, Taehyung was genuinely calm the entire ride. He knew how skilled of a driver he was and how much his car could handle. Even if it didn’t feel like it to you he was in control the entire time. The ride to the bridge the rest of the way was smooth . His men all tailing him when needed, the drive into the city was still another half hour though, the windows were cracked while Taehyung’s playlist streamed in the background the cool airbrushing over your skin made you doze off at some point. Glancing over at you periodically as the wind dusted over your body, you looked so beautiful and so peaceful, he literally wanted to scream, he found himself squeezing the wheel tighter than usual. Almost purposely wanting to inflict more pain on his already pulsing hand. How did he let himself get to this point with you? And why can’t he snap out of it tonight? It seems like everytime he catches himself, he slips right back into it.. He spent the entire drive home trying to wreck his brain, to rationalize what happened today. There just didn’t appear to be a point, it all just seemed like a waste of money and what was accomplished? Between the shoot out, ,the attempted kidnapping, AND who the fuck was in the Cadillac, and the red Corvette? Was this maybe a distraction for something bigger? Or was Marco just really this incompetent? Or were you two wrong was it even Marco? Who the flying fuck is Zeb!? The fact that nothing made sense..was unsettling to say the least, maybe that was the point…to make everyone feel uneasy…

Waking up to a couple airy kisses on your neck “Come on baby…” He whispered against your skin as your eyes fluttered open, you almost thought you were dreaming actually. He never used the pet name outside of sex, clearly he must be fucking delirious and exhausted … vision still a little blurry as you watched him walk over to open your door. Then you realized where you were, Taehyung owned a gentlemans club a really nice one actually it was in a 3 story brick loft, he had a secret penthouse apartment on the 3rd level. That only certain people knew about , it looked like something straight out of Aricturtial Digest . But due to the location Tae never kept anything..of value here, which may sound mind boggling as this place was lavish as all hell but the nice couches, the custom bed, full bar, walk in glass shower and blah blah blah, that didnt mean shit to him. Important stuff he stored, like pictures of his mom and family, gifts from his parents, family airlumes , that’s what mattered. Which he kept at his house which was gated , completely isolated and heavily watched. At the end of the day, yes this man loved a good Gucci suite but he knew what really mattered in life, and it wasn’t all this material shit. There was a separate closed off entrance to the building..it took you down alley..which was sandwiched between the club, and a packie that was beneath a small apartment complex. Your families owned the complex under a alailas LLC name as well, a lot of Tae’s soldiers lived in that building. There was “secret” back entrance ,a double sided iron gate, you walked through to a covered courtyard esque walkway that lead to the back door of the building in which you were both greeted by one of his guards.

“Bengie’s here by the way!” ..Bengie..short for Benjamin…slang for $100 bills..Bengie’s real name was Hoseok, he was there best launders, money, drugs, you name it, you figured he must’ve been here to either do a pick up…or a drop off on a run he just complete. He wasn’t to be fucked with, as he was also one of there cleaners if need be. Meaning if things got messy and someone had to be taken out….Bengies your man. Which is insane that he dose such a gruesome job because when this man smiles your face literally feels compelled to do it with him, like you don’t have a choice.

You two walked down the hallway,this wing of the building is where all the business that did not pertain to the actual club took place, The smell of expensive cologne and cigars hit your nose“ Hey, I need to make a couple calls, hang out here for a minute then will go upstairs for the night okay?” His tone was almost somber has he stroked your face, he knew you were tired..just nodding in response, as you continued to stroll down the hallway. Upon looking to your right you spotted a familiar face, the room was guarded instantly stepping aside once you go closer “Damn, they actually let your ass back over the border!?” Leaning against the door frame with a slight smile on your face as he glanced over at you. Always in black and always wearing sunglasses. He was tall. Not super skinny either, had a pretty good build on his, Dark locks that typically sat parted to the side, occasional falling in his face. Like Taehyung his skin also always kept a warm olive complexion but Hoseok in contrast to Tae, held a much thicker accent when he spoke. “Hi lovely” Smiling back at you as he strolled over giving you a warm hug. He always smelled amazing and he was fine, damn fine, but unlike Jimin and Namjoon, he was someone that could call Taehyung Tae Tae and he would answer. So you’ve never even entertained the thought no matter how good he looked! Also more importantly he had a lady..her name was Lola, but you all called her Bunny. On the surface she was a ballet instructor but behind closed doors she was one of the accounts within the circle.

Unlike Taehyung, he wouldn’t live in fear, no he didn’t broadcast it but it wasn’t necessarily a secret either.“I heard you two had an interesting night..”

Scoffing in response as you ran your fingers through your hair“Yeah something like that, I still don’t get what really happened, just seemed like a damn mess to me ”

“I literally wanna rangle his throat, I can’t stand the kid, I already told Tae next time I see him I’m knocking his ass out, bottom line!” You watched him stuff some packages in a black leather YSL overnight bag.

“Where ya headed?”

“Hong Kong, then I’m stationary for a little bit. Thank God Bunny’s ready to kill me..” Smiling over at you as he continued to pack, still blew your mind that he did the type of work he did..he just doesn’t look like the type. But that’s what makes him perfect for the job.

‘Hey Luxx? V said he’s ready when you are!” Almost jumping at that offer god you were so ready to get in bed.

“Okay tell him I'm on my way..” The guard nodded before stepping out and you walked over giving Hoseok one more hug before you left. You hugged him tight, you always did, he had one of the riskier jobs and you just never know..you never know. As cynical as it may sound, in this line of work, nothing promised, nothing.

He chuckled a little once he felt the grip you had on him “Don’t worry sweetheart, I always find my way back home..You know this! I got too much to come back to, to go down without a hell of a fight!” Glancing back at you with a wink before giving you one of his infamous big smiles, that again it was impossible not to do in return.

~~~~~~~~

The two of you made you way up to his apartment, ironically it always seemed like you ended up here around the same time frames . After 10 when one or the both of you were feeling needy. Like I mentioned it was beautiful the man had great taste. You could either take the stairs or a private elevator both were key coded, and I believe his apartment door was literally bullet proof. Not that it mattered there was always a guard posted outside the door. It was a very open floor plan, 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, a walk in closet, full bar, gorgeous hardwood floors with high ceilings, exposed brick throughout.Taking your coat and shoes off you sat on his plush California King, when you watched him stroll over in your direction, only removing his suit jacket at this point slowly placing his hands on your waist “So, I know I said we could go to bed..” the minute he said that you rolled your eyes…already knowing were this was going “ Butttt…I gotta meet with Hoseok before he leaves for Hong Kong…” You couldn’t help but pout, you understood but you were feeling selfish you didnt care you needed him your thighs were still throbbing.

Picking up on the oblivious pouty lip he climbed on the bed hovering over you, letting his lips brush over yours “But, go get in the shower, relax a little and when I get back up here….” He started leaving kisses down your neck, sucking down on the already bruised skin from earlier in the night. “ You know I’ll take care of you, I always do. I’ll eat your pretty little pussy until you come so hard you can’t see straight..” He breathed out against your neck as he hand crept up your dress, Teasing your slit with his middle finger as you arched into his touch.

“Tae..” The breathy cry left your lips, as he slowly slid two fingers in , rocking them back and forth..pulling out to lace his tongue around them. Licking your juices off his fingers like it was the best thing he had all day “Soo fuckin good” . A cocky smirk left his lips as you whined once he pulled away

“I promise I’ll be back baby! I’m gonna turn on the shower for you before I go, if you need me call me, but Brice is posted outside the elevator if you need him.” You heard his voice echo off the marble walls of his bathroom. Placing a quick kiss on your forehead before heading out the door.Far too tired to dissect the sudden subspace he seemed to have crept into were he actually acted like he had feelings.

Rolling out of bed you walked into his bathroom, it was all gray and white marble, his shower big enough to fit about 10 people and it had 4 shower heads,. Throwing your hair in a bun you stipped down before stepping in the shower. Just sitting down on the bench letting the water and steam consume you as you tried to relax. You stayed in there for maybe a good 20 minutes the sinks were on the opposite side of the room behind a wall, wrapping a towel around your chest you walked over wanting to brush your teeth before getting in bed you noticed a familiar box. It was from Agent provocateur, you felt like a kid on Christmas. Who didn’t love surprises, you honestly we’re not sure if he was serious or not when he said it in the car. it was really sexy that he wasn’t afraid to pick out what he liked. It was a 4 piece set, a bra, suspender, panties and thigh highs for the suspenders to hook through. All 3 clothing pieces had black trim, the actual material was a mesh tuell, so the bra panties and suspenders were completely see through with slight black and silver glitter throughout. The underwear were a cheeky fit, and the bra had amazing support , the pieces just hugged every inch of your body perfectly.. Taking your hair out of the bun, lathering your body in lotion before putting the pieces on, giving yourself a couple one overs in the mirror. You couldn’t even deny it, you looked good, damn good! Walking out of the bathroom, strolling into the bedroom you were too focused adjusting the straps to the suspenders to notice was was standing in the doorway. He cleared his throat and you instantly snapped up, eyes meeting his with a slight smile as your ran your fingers through your hair, strolling over to the bed slowly, making sure to let your hips sway as you walked. He watched your every move carefully as you readjusted on the bed, reclining on the bed slightly keeping your eyes locked with his.

You’d never get over the way he looked at you in moments like these, it’s what kept you coming back. When the two of you had sex, all his walls came down that’s when he was vulnerable and affectionate, the first time he ever called you baby was when he buried deep was inside you, hand around your throat making you cum. Typically that’s the only time you heard that name until tonight.. You watched his eyes trace over your slowly , letting his tongue trace over his bottom lip taking in every inch of you. God you looked even better than he imagined . Still leaning against the door frame, hand in his pockets, head resting against the wall he hadn’t said anything yet and it was killing you . It was like he could sense it though the minute you went to speak up “I don’t know why you’re staring at me like that you know what position I want you in . You’re only torturing yourself I’m sure your already soaked, lay the way I want you…” His voice was so calm, yet so assertive, and he was right you were already soaked, the sound of his voice alone did things to your body that you couldn’t even explain. You could tell the mood he was in tonight, not wasting any time your rolled over, crawling up the center of the bed. Getting down into one of the deepest arches you could! You heard a deep growl leave his chest as he walked towards you .

His hand soothed up your ass slowly before slamming back down on it hard causing your whole body to jerk. “Don’t make me have to tell you what to do next time, you already know what I like..” You felt the bed shift as he crawled up the bed , lips finding their way up your back as his hands massaged your shoulders, Letting his hands palm your hips and he gently grinded his clothed body into yours, just teasing you for the hell of it. Digging his thumbs into your sides “Fuck your so perfect, god. Look at you.” The sound of his voice almost like he couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe he got so lucky. Marveling at how amazing you looked in the mesh material, how confident and sexy he could tell you felt in it. His hands moved up the front of your body, massaging your breasts through the thin material as they traveled. Letting one hand find a place around your neck, With a firm grip he pulled your body against his, making you flesh with his chest. Reclining your neck against his shoulder as he sucked on the skin beneath your ear. His other hand teased your bottom lip as he watched you suck his fingers into your mouth, a slight moan leaving your lips.

“Your so damn sexy you know that? ” his words coming out almost as a moan as he rocked his hips against your ass, sliding his fingers out, creeping past the hem of your panties to massage your clit. Digging your nails into his arm your neck rolled back on his shoulder, grabbing the back of his neck, pulling his lips down to yours. He kissed you hard, lacing his tongue against yours as you moaned out into his mouth, deepening the kiss bringing his hand up to cup your face, while his other left your core to squeeze your ass. “Bend over for me baby..” Re adjusting your body in the same deadly position ou started in, like he said earlier he loved you ass up , lingerie. Grabbing both thighs he let his hands roam your body, starting by massaging your hips as kissed his way up the back of your thighs. Slowly making his way over to your ass alternating between kisses, and digging his teeth into the sensitive skin leaving small little reminders that every inch of you was always his regardless.

Breathy moans left your lips and your hands palmed sheets in anticipation “Baby , have I ever told you how perfect your pussy is ?” Before you could even respond you felt his finger hook the material out of the way.. his lips kissed up your folds . While his hands massaged your ass, you could hear him moan against your core. Always sounding like he was genuinely enjoying pleasing you at first they were just simple kisses, the feeling of his plush lips along your core. Then suddenly his tongue got involved and your whole body jerked away from him , as you were caught off guard by the sudden feeling causing his hand to slam down hard on your ass again . Rule number one when he was in control he was in control unless he told you to move you didn’t move.

“Tae..” the cry left your lips so faint as you face meet the bed, keeping his tongue flat and complete extended from his mouth he made multiple slow long, strokes up and down your slit, occasionally teasing your entrance with his tongue. The grip on your ass got tighter , your body was still subconsciously jerking away from him, it had been literally almost 2 months since he tongue was on you like this, and you were so sensitive. “Be a good girl, you can take it..” Letting his tongue roll against your clit before sucking it in his mouth completely , while he effortlessly slid two fingers in, you were already dripping down his face.

“Oh fuck.” You felt your body jerk again but this time you accidentally slid further down on the bed, which was a mistake because it actually gave him better access. It felt like your mind went blank when he touched you, nothing else mattered all you could focus on was how fucking good you felt. As he continued rocking his fingers against you, long enough to hit all the places you needed while the moans leaving his mouth sent vibrations echoing through your entire body.

“God you have such a pretty pussy, always gets so fucking wet for me, taking my fingers so well..” He praised against your folds, which only made you tighten your grip around him “Arch up more for me baby, come sit your pussy on my face..” God the sound of that set your stomach on fire , flipping over on his back, he reached out for your hips. Placing you right were he wanted you. He always preferred for you to ride his face from the front, because then he could see every expression on your face. He had you your body slightly elevated so his fingers could access you as well. Snaking his hand behind your thigh sliding 2 fingers in slowly curling them upwards as he wrapped his tongue around my clit . Sucking in slowly and your entire body immentially tightened around him, thighs already starting to spazz.

Rolling his tongue up…and down ending the motion by wrapping his lips around the tip of your clit suctioning his lips around the nerve humming out, radiating vibrations through your core. . Treating your clit the same way he did your mouth, his tongue, licked, sucked, twirled, it’s way around every inch of your most sensitive area.“Oh-myyyy-fuckkkkk” it felt like you were straining to get words out, your body reacted to him like its been years since you been touched..like this.

Arching back slightly letting your hands roamed up the front of your body before finding their place in your hair as you started rolling your hips up into his mouth. Which he fucking loved, this man lived for you to ride his face. Reclining your head back,as your eyes fluttered shut .It felt like he placed his entire mouth on it , his tongue moved slow but wide …it was like he was getting in …every inch of you. Placing his tongue directly on the head of your clit ,flicking it…toying with you a little giving you the sensation of anticipation, your body jerking against his tongue every time. Occasionally teasing at your opening siding his tongue in:..and out …”God yes, fuck baby…”you were starting to grow more and more sensitive as he let his tongue mercissily attack your clit.

Thighs trying to clench around his head involuntarily, you could hear him growl against your dripping folds as your juices ran down your thighs and his face , as he’d yanked your legs apart so you weren’t restricting him. His hands steady massaging your thighs, moving to cup your ass so he could push you closer into his mouth.,You could feel him start to slow down and you wanted to cry you were so close and you knew exactly why. Looking down eyelids heavy only to find him looking up at you as he rolled his tongue against your core . He loved eye contact …every time you’d look away he slow down or smack your ass.. “Good girl” His words came out gravley against your center as he slid his hand back under your thigh to continue working you with his fingers. The base in his voice sending waves through your body “Fuck ..baby dont stop, don’t-“ As your msucles started to tense, his motions got more Intense sliding his finger out making you sit completely against his mouth before just applying steady pressure . Sucking on your clit until your entire body unravled above him and he didn’t stop .

Your body collapsed down on the bed over him as you clawed at his sheets, not even able to cry out anymore while your entire body trembled. Your mind was still hazy,you almost felt high you were on such a wave right now.His hands found there way to yours intertwining your fingers with his, but don’t be fooled this endearing moment was also a way to keep you put. He could feel how hard you were shaking and he didn’t ease up, keeping his lips pressed against your clit as he left faint kisses up and down your core, wiggling his fingers free, his hands roamed up and down your back as you tried to remember how to breathe. Wiping his face with his hand, as he smirked up at you.. Rolling you over gently he hovered over you, kissing your forehead, while massaging your thigh. Leaning down letting your lips connect to his, the taste of your juices fresh against his tongue as you moaned out into the kiss.

Panting against his tongue, while your chest felt like it was collapsing..thighs still spazzing even as you laid flat on your back “Breathe, baby breathe..” breaking away from the kiss to press his lips over every inch of skin he could reach in an attempt to calm your body down.

The moment was great until outta nowhere you heard a loud bang on his door the two of you couldn’t help but jump as his apartment was completely silent prior, “You have got to be shitting me..” He rolled of the bed beyond furious grabbing his gun off the table before walking over to check the monitor to see who was at the door. It was one of his guards and…Namjoon? You heard slight conversation but you couldn’t make it out, your body too weak to care honestly.

“Hey Luxx? Can you come out here for a second? “ Jumping of the bed, almost falling actually as your legs still felt like mush, grabbing a robe before tilting your head out of the room

“You have got to be shiting me! Do you know how long I’ve been looking for your ass!? Why is your phone dead!?Do you realize I could be sleeping or,getting fucked right now!? Instead I’m not I’m here but clearly you did so at least one of us are happy!” He was furious,But Taehyung and yourself couldn’t help but snort out a laugh at how angry he was.. and then it clicked, you kinda sorta forgot to call your dad. You stared back at him completely blank, I mean what the fuck was there for you to say? You fuked up..

“Really luxx? You know the way Sunny is! Are you trying to get my dick cut off?Have you forgotten how much you beg for this thing?!You heard me tell him I’d-!” Even Though his tone was slightly playful he was serious, he promised your dad he’s get you out safe, so it wasn’t a good look by any means that it’s going on 230 in the morning and he hadn’t heard from you. He was honestly probably planning Taehyung’s funeral as we speak.

“Shit, I know, I know,I’m sorry, I’m really sorry tonight was just..a mess! Joonie call my dad please.“

‘Sure..” His tone was beyond dry he was officially done with you for the next few days at this rate. Placing the call on speaker you heard it ring, and your stomach turned

“Talk to me kid, did you find her?! God I swear If not I’m gonna kill Tae-”

” Hi dad…” Trying to sound as sweet as possible but that shit wasn’t flying…’

“Are you fucking kidding me !? God your lucky your my baby girl because if you were my son I’d bash your head in in right now, I’ve been having a heart attack! If it wasn’t for Taehyung having the common sense to at least call HIS father. I wouldnt have a clue where you were! Shit Y/N..I’m just..” The more he talked the calmer he became...originally his tone was on 10..damn near screaming through the phone “I’m glad your okay especially after what happened with Park Jr tonight!! I just- I’m just glad your okay…!” his tone now went from calm went to almost..exhaustion but the more important thing in all of this ..what the fuck happened to Jimin!?

All three of your faces reflected confusion and concern “Dad…” Your tone indicating you needed him to go into greater detail…there was a slight pause before he continued which only had you more concerned .

“He’s fine, at least in comparison to the guy who tried to hit a lick on him. I don’t know for sure..he got a phone call from someone who he thought was one of the caregivers…but apparently it wasn't…” Your brow furrowed in, in frustration, and confusion honestly. He was being very vague which was frustrating to say the least

“For what? Tree? ‘ Taehyung cut in. Your father let out a deep sigh it was clear he didnt wanna get into this tonight.

“It was laced, purposely it was a special batch that was intended to go overseas..actually it’s one of the batches that’s supposed to go with Hoseok…Which I’ve already dealt with by the way.” You all still stayed quiet, there were too many missing pieces to this story. But more importantly, somethings wrong..really fucking wrong how are people suddenly infiltrating your circle so easily!?

“Alright, well with that being said, meet at the ferry at 1..were going to the Island to meet Dino for dinner..please don’t call Jimin let him rest, he’s still a little bruised up, he will be there tomorrow! Luxx, baby I love you, Taehyung, thank you! ..thank you..Joon, sorry she wasted your night! “ He hung up after that, abrupt and in true Sunny fashion, granted it was pushing 3Am though. Still he didn't even wait for any of you to respond, because he didn't want one. Not in the mood for a million questions while you 3 just kinda stared at each other mind fucked.

Dino was Leo’s brother, the island was private property and you guys owed a ton of land over there, and ran some of your business on that side of town. The air stayed silent until You heard a morbid chuckle come Namjoon’s direction “Tomorrow’s gonna be fun..well, it’s late, as hell and I’m exhausted so I’ll see you guys at 1 ….apparently! Lux I’m still mad at you..but I’m just glad your okay!” You smiled back at him,. Reaching over to give him a quick hug mouthing out “I’m sorry” as you pulled away.

“V, always a pleasure man!” . Once he walked out, Taehyung’s eyes cut over to you, He was pissed, his word was all he had, so he still wasn’t happy that you never told your dad you two were okay..even if it wasn’t until you guys back to his apartment that’s still been damn near 2 hours! He didn’t say anything as he grabbed a glass off the counter, that had some sort of Bourbon as he walked over to have a seat on the couch.

You let out a whiney sigh before following him, crawling over to straddle his lap, he wasn’t happy, not even a smile in site “Baby I’m sorry..I’m sorry…”

Taking the last sip of his drink his brow raised in slight amusement of your whining “Mmm,you’d be really sorry if one of your uncles showed up here with a gun to my head huh?” His tone was stale, fuckk you were in trouble..You were pouting and he didn’t care, he straight faced the hell outta you. Leaning down you nuzzled your lips in the crook of his neck, while your fingers worked the buttons of his dress shirt, leaving kisses down his neck to his collarbone. Once his shirt was unbuttoned your hands went to work his belt buck, he still didn’t say anything eyes trained on yours,.Pulling the zipper down, you started palming him through his boxers.

“You can look at it all you want but it’s not gonna suck itself” There was no sense of warmth in his tone at ll yet, for some reason that turned you on even more. He lifted his hips a little so his pants and boxers weret adding pressure, he was already semi hard, which isn’t surprising. Damn near everything you did turned him on “Don’t even think about..” you looked back at him in confusion as to why he would stop you from sucking him off “Take your damn robe off..you know better” How could you forget again..ass up, untying the rob letting it fall where it landed “If your good maybe I’ll play with your pussy while my cocks in your mouth, I’m sure she’s still soaked, probably actually getting wetter as I speak…” His tongue laced his bottom lip as he watched your every move.

Lowering yourself, placing your tongue right at the base licking up slowly, lapping your tongue around the tip and back down the other side .Repeating the motion until he was completely coated, breathy moans started to leave his lips as his hand found the back of your neck. Once you knew he was lubricated enough you took half of him in your hand and the rest in your mouth. Placing your lips on the tip, going as low as you could before you started to gag “Fuckkk, that’s it baby…” Pulling back you spit slightly on his tip letting it drip down as you started to work the base in your hand, bobbing your head, letting your lips touch your hand every time so every inch of him was covered. Moaning out against his cock as you honestly enjoyed pleasing him hearing his low gravely moans because of you were one of your biggest turn ons. You felt him start to palm your ass with his opposite hand, still keeping one in your hair. His fingers started teasing your slit which was still drenched “Fuck baby, your still so fuckign wet, you like sucking me off baby? Does it make your pussy wet knowing how good you make me feel ? Fuck you take me soo well.” He started rocking your body as he worked you clit causing you to bob your head harder but he wasn’t too rough so you didn’t mind, as he slightly rocked his hips into you.

“God, I love fucking your throat” Your moans against him got even louder as he started rubbing your clit more aggressively before sliding two fingers in. You keep bobbing your head and working him with your hand, as you got closer to the tip you’d suck down a little harder knowing that was his soft spot. Your eyes fluttered up, just in time to watch his close in pure pleasure as he sunk down deeper into the couch.You could feel him pushing harder and harder against your tongue and you knew he was close. Pulling back you swirls your tongue around his tip a couple time before fully deep throating him. Letting him hit the back of your throat everytime he actually loved hearing, and feeling you gag around him. You knew your limits though, almost able to take all of him in once you were warmed up enough, throat completely relaxed.

“Fuck, keeping going baby, make me cum, I’m so close Y/N fuckk..” You couldn’t even believe the sound of his voice right now it was soo deep, and breathy he was so vocal tonight and fucking loved it. You felt the grip on your hair get tighter and you swatted his hand away from your clit, you knew he was close and having him working you while you worked him was too distracting while trying to get him off. Too fucked out to even care as he looked down at you with hooded eyes. Taking him back in your hand while you worked the tip with your mouth, applying more pressure towards the tip you feel him start to throb repeatedly and you knew it, he…was cumming “Fuckkkk” he looked, and sounds so good when he comes, the words coming out in a low breathy moan as you watched his chest rise and fall. Not pulling away until you made sure you took all of it, not leaving a single drop. Releasing him from your lips with a loud “POP” as you smirked up at him, gripping your waist he yanked you up on his lap. Gripping the back of your neck, crashing his lips into yours. Taehyung actually loved the taste of his own cum, your tongue lathered along his was the only thing he wanted while his body was fully coming down from it’s high.Grinding our hips into his as he kissed you even deeper, he was still moaning into your mouth , and you felt like you could come all over again just from that alone.

You felt him start to laugh into the kiss before pulling away “I’m still mad at your bratty ass.” A snarl left his lips as he swatted your ass, just plopping your head down on his chest, not even bothering to respond. You just sucked the life outta his dick he’d get over it. Wrapping one arm around your waist the other found you hair, gently running his fingers through the strands. Before you knew it you fell asleep,his first instinct was to move you, it felt ..too good to have you that close to him like that. But he didn’t, to be honest he needed it because he couldn’t sleep, way too much on his mind. They found his driver and he was pretty banged up. “Justin” is just a generic name for the driver, trying to keep them as close to a John Doe as possible.., he actually wasn’t sure which one of his guys were picking him up. It was Andre and he was 19…the youngest person on the team and the ONLY reason he’s involved is because he’s one of his father’s guards son.

To make it worse it was his first and probably his last job,due to him technically getting car jacked that’s a pretty legit and unfortunately common thing so he was taken to a regular hospital. All Taehyung could think about, was due to Marcos ignorance two young kinds got fucked..he was furious ...and now Jimin. He may have technically been one of your fathers men but you guys all worked together..it took everything in him, not send his men to drag Marco back to him by the balls! It also didn’t help that he couldn’t figure out who was tailing him in that car. The one thing Taehyung always had was control…and it seemed like that was slipping away away between work and you, he just couldn’t shut his mind off. After getting zero sleep he decided to make a trip to the hospital around 6am to see Andre!

Not sure when he put you in the bed, but clearly it happened at some point also removing the lingerie as he knew it had to have been sticky and uncomfortable by now. You were woken up by the sound of your phone having a seizure as your assistant was calling. Once you looked down you noticed it was a quarter to 10 “Yeah..” Your throat was raw as you spoke, you could blame a combination of Taehyung and lack of sleep

“What are you doing about clothes? I’m assuming you don’t have any with you sooo..am I bringing this rack over and your makeup?” Rolling over on your back letting out a deep so breath, fuck you were still tired “Ughh..hold on a sec” You could hear the based in his voice from across his apartment, you knew how iffy he was about just anybody knowing he also lived here. So you thought you’d ask if he’d prefer one of his guards to grab your stuff. Placing the call on mute you through on a rob as you were completely naked and you didn’t wanna run the risk of someone being out there, making your way to the spare bedroom you knocked on the door frame. It was open but out of respect for his call you wanted to give him a heads up, he was speaking in his native tongue and you were pretty sure it was his father.

Due to doing a lot of business in Korea you understood it a lot better than you spoke it, you could already tell from the tone of the conversation it wasnt good. Smiling up at you he signaled for you come in, placing whoever on hold “Yes?.” you could tell from his voice and his eyes he was stressed and tired, dressed in a all black, black fitted bomber jacket, black veck, black skinnies, black boots, and a black hat. To be honest his outfit choice was kinda casual for him, granted everything was designer and still probably 2 grand on his body but..you just knew he was in a mood, and this was going to be a long ass day.

“I need, my clothes and stuff, well actually I guess I could get ready at my place…” Having a split second decision as you honestly didn’t stay over long after sex not that he’d ever put you out.But let’s just say you’ve been there done that and it typically dosen’t end well. Yet his face almost looked annoyed once you said that..

“Actually I just sent Jhonny to get you breakfast from you favorite little cafe up on 22nd he can swing by a pick it up.. You had a long night.. Just relax…” Pausing for a second as you clearly didn’t expect that, and you weren’t complaining .

“Oh..okay..thanks..so that means you got me waffles?” Your tone showed you were uncertain and he just scoffed rolling his eyes

“Yes..” While in contrast he was clearly saying “No shit!” without actually saying it

“Well you know I like Powdered su-”

“ Really? Luxx get outta here I know what I’m doing!” Swatting you out the room as he stepped back on his conversation, and now you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, taking the call off mute “Hey..yeah Johnny’s gonna come get it, so just pull a couple pieces off the rack, and grab my makeup bag, the big one with the standard LV monogram has everything I need in it..k..thanks!”

Your curiously got the best of you as you lingered by the door, from what you can make out it sounds like a distributions went south. You guys dabbled in a ton of trades one of your most successful outside of drugs? Counterfeit goods, especially luxury ..the irony in that right? All the people that buy high quality “designer” things on Amazon and AllieExpress and etc that know there knock offs, or from The Alley in LA. There's a good chance they came from your shop one way or another..even if your just the person that provided the connect..that still came at a fee. Both of your fathers owned a couple shops that produced the goods. It seems something went wrong with one of the freight trucks but you couldn’t really understand it. But since it’s business you were also involved in first hand you knew you’d hear about it so you gave up on trying to translate, heading back to his room, deciding you’d shower, brush your teeth and curl your hair since you at least had your flat iron here and hopefully by then you’d have clothes and food.

Before hopping in the shower you tried giving Jimin a call but he didn’t respond, you couldn’t help but get concerned when a couple minutes went by without him reading your text. Part of you wanted to send one of your men by his house, and or the dispensary but you decided to stop acting psycho and wait until you saw him at 1!Halfway through doing your hair, Tae came into the bathroom, you had your headphones in so you didn’t even hear Johnny come back. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror in nothing but a sheer pink bra and panty set, of course you had a ton of lingerie here if nothing else. His hands cupping your ass as he entered the room, already having your waffles on the plate, Whipped, creamed, powdered sugar, and strawberries already on top. You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he got your order right, but you weren’t going to say anything but thank you, this man’s ego is big enough.

“Yeah I know I’m the shit, now stop doing you hair and eat, because you know if it gets cold you won’t eat it!” He was right you hated cold food and you weren’t a fan of microwaving shit either.

“But I’m doing my hair, this is a process if I stop I won’t wanna finish..” Rolling his eyes and he leaned against the wall

“Right, but again, your bratty ass does not eat cold food Luxx, what the hell do you want me to do? Feed you?” You actually hadn’t thought about that but it didn’t sound like a bad idea, You shrugged batting your lashes at him, a dramatic sigh left his lips and he walked towards you “Oh fuck me” you could help but laugh at his angry mumbles

“Wow, wait till all the guys hear about what there boss did…” Smirking over at him as he picked up a waffle on the fork, eyes meeting yours completely unamused

“If you tell anybody I did this I’m never giving you head ever again! Now open your damn mouth” Almost choking on the first part of that but you knew he was all talk he’d actually cave first.

He stayed pretty quiet at first while he fed you a couple pieces while you finished your hair, but you could tell something was on his mind “Hey, umm about last night, -” You already knew where this was going, letting out a deep sigh as you rolled your eyes,.

“Kim Taehyung if your standing here about to apologize for actually being human for once and just living your life.I’ll burn your ass.”

“Luxx-” He tried to cut you off, and he got off the counter..stepping back from you a little.. tone surprisingly calm in comparison to how harsh yours was but you weren’t having it.

“No dude FUCK THAT, I thought we squashed this shit MONTHS AGO!!” Your voice echoed off the walls, you were literally screaming, you never yelled at him before, not even if it was work-related.

“ I’m so tired of this, I guess I must just be real fuckin’ stupid for repeatedly putting myself through this!! I’ve known you for damn near 17 years ! Okay, neither of us has ever said he wanted this to be an actual thing, but fuck! You’re exhausting…how can you keep switching gears!? You literally bought me out a $500 lingerie set, just because. Yet we’ve never gone to dinner, or even hug out... just the two of us without you having to relate it to business. “Oh let’s go out to dinner to discuss this new deal..” Yeah sure Tae let’s go out to dinner at 11 at night half drunk to discuss fucking business!”

Your eyes shot over in his direction surprisingly he gave you direct eye contact, jaw tight..letting you have your moment. But to be honest, for some reason it only made you angrier ”Or fuck just remove me from the equation, in general, your like this with any girl you’ve ever entertained! In case you forgot the night your mom died..mine did too! I felt the same fucking pain as you and I watched my dad crumble the same way! But I didn’t let that fucking tarnish me, believe it or not I’d still wanna fall back in love one day! We can’t change the life we’ve grown up in, and in all honesty, for the most part, were pretty fuckin lucky! But as strong as you are with everything else..it’s almost like you’re so terrified of your life that you won’t let yourself Live it fully..”

It didn’t even feel like you took a single breath while you spit all that out, not having the energy to continue at the volume you were originally. “ I mean shit It’s almost like having a sugar daddy at this point..” The minute you said that his eyes cut over to you, the look he gave you was cold, he didn’t ike that ...at all.

“You know exactly what I mean Taehyung, No emotion right? The only time you let me feel something is when your balls deep in me! The way you were yesterday…I’ve only gotten that once in a blue moon and that’s fine if that’s the way you want this to be. But you need to get your shit together stop playing games..it’s either black or white because clearly, shades of grey stress you the fuck out!”

Whipping your flat iron across the room, not even caring that it splattered along with his marble.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this...I don’t know how it got to this point...” He was looking at you but he wasn’t really looking, damn near looking straight through you...

“It’s not even just that, It concerns me, with everything you deal with that your so closed off, maybe ‘i’m being naive and assumed because you at least show me more affection even if its brief…. than you’ve showed anyone that I’m..like…I don’t know.. fucking special or something and you’d-” A dry scoff left his mouth as you said that, instantly pissing you off as you weren’t even sure how to interpret that! Was he agreeing you were naive? Was this secretly how he treated other girls?

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Your tone was stale, and lacked emotion at this point because why should you be the only one showing any? The room fell silent for a moment and to be honest, the silence was awkward, to say the least. Clearing his throat as he walked towards the door, leaning against the frame…

“It means as a man, it’s my job to keep the people I care about safe and I can’t even do that right now.” You watched him fiddle with the two Cartier rings on his fingers Clearing his throat again before continuing “ I can’t even keep my men safe right now, and I hate it! It was Andre by the way..he was the driver who was supposed to pick me up..now he’s probably going to spend his 20th birthday in the hospital having fucking surgery, because of me. That alone kept me up all night, now imagine if that was-” He cut himself off, shaking his head, almost like he was telling himself to stop, not even wanting to continue that thought,you watched his nose twitch as he huffed in a deep breath.

Your mind couldn’t help but wonder where he was going with that.. Yet as frustrated as you were you felt for him when he said that and you were sure your facial expression probably reflected it. Regardless of the fact that his father still ran their circle along with his brother over the past year Taehyung has been given a lot more authority to run his own trades. So with that being said his men weren’t his father‘s responsibility they were his and I guess you don’t really think about it because you’ve been treated like an adults your whole life but most of the men calling him boss are old enough to be his father. Yet in his eyes it’s his job to keep them paid and even though a lot of them are technically his security he feels like it’s still his job to try to not put them in positions where they have to risk their lives for him constantly.

At the end of the day regardless of how smooth it was running you guys don’t just own a couple Dunkin Donuts and call it a day,it’s still drugs, weapons,counterfeit goods and even the occasional “Hit teams”. So yes, granted Taehyung should be a little heartless and removed when it comes to business, but not his personal life and that’s where he was struggling.

“Again, I’m sorry about yesterday, your right, I can’t do shades of grey, I was...I was just having a moment. Were different people Luxx just because your so willing to subject yourself to that kind of pain..doesn’t mean I am… I can’t!..And I won’t apologize for protecting myself…I’m not my father…” His voice broke slightly as he finished his thought….

“Like you said it’s either black or white, we both knew what this was when it started and somehow it drifted away from that. It’s on you, if you wanna take it back to how it was…or let go...”

Your jaw clenched involuntarily as those words left his lips, he was right, shit had shifted, and you’d prefer if you were both on the same page. You just couldnt wrap your head around the fact , that that’s where he took this..so willing to disreagred that fact thst theres clearly so much more than sex here..so much more! Damn fear held that much power over him huh?!

He was also very mono tone as he spoke, no emotion came through, he looked fuckng exhausted. It was clear everything that was going on was eating him up…regardless that broke your heart.

“Okay?” There was a slight inflation in his tone for the first time...you silence catching him off guard.

“Yup, I got you…”There wasn't even a word to describe the amount of sarcasm and pettiness that left your lips right now.

“Y/N-”

“I said, I.Under.Stand….V I got you..” The slight change in the way you addressed him has his eyes bulging out of his sockets. Ya know he actually had the nerve to look somewhat hurt? A dry scoff leaving his lips. A ring on his cell pausing any additional conversation.

“Alright, well, I’ll be downstairs let Brice know when your ready to go….” He wouldn't even fucking look at you, It was crazy how he already seemed emotionally disconnect from the conversation. Yet no matter how pettie you were being you actually wanted to cry.

You heard him walk out of the apartment. About 10 minutes went by of you just sitting on the counter, sobbing actually, it just felt like everything was sitting on your chest. To be frank you weren’t sure exactly what made you breakdown.., your head hurt, actually correction your entire brain hurt, from Marco, to Taehyung, to the distribution truck, Jimin now Jordan ..it was just a lot! You finally pulled yourself together though, you didn't have a choice, your original plan was to get all glam and wear a dress and thigh highs but the ambition for that went out the window, If you didn’t look like death from your previous night you wouldn’t have put on makeup. Throwing on a pair of blacked out aviators letting Brice know you were ready to go. To your surprise once you got in the blacked out Escalade Taehyung was also in the backseat. He didn’t say anything , and neither did you, the ride to the ferry was silent but luckily for both of you having business to attend to on your phone not as awkward as it could’ve been. You got one glance at him, as his eyes cut cross to your window once a red corvette drove by… the look in his eyes were different, his eyes looked more prominent. They actually looked slightly puffy..had he been crying!? You knew better he’d rather shank himself then cry…but it definitely looked like it!.

Upon pulling up, you were confused to say the least “What the fuck” Both breathing out in unison actually, which is the first thing you two had said to each other since your argument. The state trooper was there, and so was damn near everybody else..what I mean is, all 3 of the families involved, anybody that worked close within their circle was there. Meetings never went down like this,,,usually they’d just get conferenced in. There was a good 35/40 people waiting to load this ferry, expect Leo’s, you figured they were already there since Dino called the meeting.. Fuck even Hoseok was there..why the hell was he not on his plane to Hong Kong!?

Then you also noticed Namjoon, Jimin,Bunny..shit was serious if they were all here. “Yeah because this doesn’t look sus or anything!” You breathed out in sarcasm, while a low chuckle left his body yet he still hasn’t said anything else to you. Both exiting the truck going seperate directions. Hoseok’s lady noticed you right away running over to give you a hug “Luxx!!” Squeezing you tight, before descending into casual conversation which you were only partially listening too. She was a complete sweetheart, and honestly perfect for Hoseok! But your eyes couldn’t help but trace Taehyung. He just seemed like he was on an extremely short fuse today, didn’t matter that you were upset with him you still cared, always would. As you all waited for the Ferry to load, you watched a red porsche pull up which didn’t mean much to you at first, then you recognized it. That was Leo’s it was his prized possession actually he rarely..rarely drove it!

Marco and one of his men stepped out the car “Fuckk..” it came out as a low whisper while your eyes immediately shot over to Taehyung, luckily Hoseok wasn’t far behind. It was clear Marco wasn’t invited though, some of the guards appeared to be asking him to leave. Originally blocking him from everybody else but Tae pushed his way right through the line, he didn’t need or want security right now.“Nah please let him through,so we can welcome him to the family properly..” Hoseok breathed out with a sly smirk and you knew this wouldn’t end well, these two were trouble together, have been since high school. Believe it or not Hoseok had an even shorter fuse than Taehyung. Everyone started to crowd around them them, blocking your view, which only gave you fucking anxiety.. As you started walking over in that direction..”Fuck yeah, where’s your boy from last night!? How’s his face feelin? Ya know if need be and he’s in a lot of pain I know a guy who has great bud!” You couldn’t see him but you could hear him, Jimin found his way over there.You could hear voices bouncing off of each other but it was getting harder to tell who was who until…

“Did you really show up here today? Are you really that fuckin stupid?!” You knew his voice anywhere..the base shot through everyone else and all you could hear was him, followed by a loud eruption of pure chaos..

There ya have it! Lol sorry it’s long hope you enjoy..

part 3 is up

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cutesuki--bakugou · 6 years

Text

Scandalous

A Valentine’s Day Special

Pairing: Bakugou x Koge (OC)

Rating: Explicit. Very. Explicit. Very.

Koge hates the fact that Bakugou has to work late on Valentine’s Day and cancel their plans. So, she takes her new plans to him.

Words: 5535

BTW, please blacklist the tag cutesuki-lemons if you do not want to see this content from my blog. I will no longer be tagging with specific keywords for this type of content.Thank you~

Due to the nature of this post, the characters are 18+

Under the cut~

“Aww, what do you mean, Katsuki? I thought you said you were going to be on time today.”

“Sorry, Utsuro, but I just can’t leave right now. I have too much paperwork that I need to go through and other boring office shit I just can’t ignore. We’ll have to go tomorrow.”

Koge let out an exaggerated sigh, flopping back to lay down on the couch in defeat. “I’m not worried about missing out on dinner… I just wanted to be with you today. I was even able to dump the kids on your parents until tomorrow.”

“I know, I know. But it’s just Valentines Day, Utsuro, it’s nothing special like your birthday or anniversary or something.”

“I guess… It’s just special to me, you know. Celebrating our love.” Koge looked over towards the back of the couch, examining the red lace fabric that rested there. What a waste of money that ended up being…

“Don’t get cheesy. I’ll make it up to you, but I just can’t leave right now. I have something for you here at the office, I’ll be home closer to ten, and I’ll stay up with you for a while. Alright?”

Koge rolled over onto her stomach, though she kept her head turned so that she could talk. “Okay, Katsuki. Don’t get too stressed out, okay?”

“I’m already beyond fucking stressed out. I love you, Koge. I’ll see you in a while.”

“I love you, too, Katsuki.” With that, the call ended, and Koge let her phone fall onto the couch beside her. Feeling completely dejected, she gave a heavy sigh, alternating lifting her legs in annoyance. “Dang job… Ruining our plans. I just want to spend some time with my husband, is that really too much to ask?” Koge wasn’t sure who she was scolding, but whatever higher being was responsible for this mess, she hoped that it could hear her. Bakugou’s life as a pro hero was exhausting, for him and his lover, as she had a tendency to feel like she was fighting for his attention. She knew that he loved her, of course, but moments like this made Koge feel down.

A night of calm romance and some spicy bedtime play is what she had hoped for. Now, the most she could hope for was a quick exchange of gifts and maybe a quicky before he crashed into bed in exhaustion. In fact, he may not be in a good enough mood for even that much. He very well might just come home, plop her gift in her hands, and fall asleep before his body even hits the bed. The thought of such a thing happening was discouraging, though Koge knew very well that it wasn’t unlikely. He very well may just… not even want to touch her.

Though, Koge knew that may have something to do with her, too. Ever since their daughter turned a year old, Koge was having a horrible time feeling comfortable in her own skin. She had gained weight from having two children in two years, and with little to no time to work out or train, she knew she was out of shape compared to before Matsuki was born five years ago. For months now, she had it in her mind that Bakugou just couldn’t be attracted to her anymore, as she no longer had the body he fell in love with.

Of course, he had told her over and over again that this just wasn’t true, and that the weight she had gained was more flattering than she was willing to recognize. After much back and forth, with arguments and thrown around ideas, the couple had finally settled on a schedule that would help Koge work her way back to how she used to be. It hadn’t been long, but she was already starting to feel better just from the effort, and that boosted her confidence enough to go shopping for some saucy lingerie earlier that day. She had found one that she felt was both perfect for her figure and was everything he liked, too. There hadn’t been a single thing that she disliked about it or her body in it, and so, she had bought it as a surprise gift for him.

Koge had hopes that it would show him that she wasn’t ashamed of herself anymore. Since her depression first began, she would shy away from his touch and even refuse to make love without the lights off. It frustrated Bakugou, but he eventually grew to accept it as to not cause her more anxiety, so the two of them had gone a little over a month without a single passionate touch shared between them at this point. Koge was touch starved, and she knew that he was too, so she had to do something to fix it.

Now, her chance had been ruined, all because he had to be stuck in that dumb office. She knew that he was upset about this whole thing as well, being alone and stuck at his desk not exactly how he had planned things. Although he wouldn’t admit it, she could tell that he had been excited about their plans, and that made it even worse. If only she could think of a way to fix this, to make it to where they would both enjoy their day.

With a grunt and a quick stretch, Koge sat up, looking back at the skimpy red clothing. “Maybe… I can just go visit him in his office for a while. I’ve done it before, it’s not like it’d be weird. Even if I just sit there on the couch or something.” Standing, she picked up the lingerie and started up the stairs to their bedroom, decided she could do just that. Maybe I could bring him some food? He probably hasn’t eaten well today since he expected a big meal tonight…

She placed the lace and silk outfit down on the bed once she reached it, spreading it out a bit to observe it. There was still that bit of excitement she felt when she first tried it on, imagining the look on his face and that fire in his glare that she missed so much. His hands on her skin, hot and rough, pleasuring her from all sides. Damn it, I’m so turned on right now. Why today?! Koge turned away from the taunting lace, ripping her pajamas off to change into something more comfortable to travel in as she headed into her walk in closet. Well, not hers, she shared it with Bakugou but she did have to admit that she took up the majority of the space. There was one particular small built-in drawer that caught her attention, however, and it only made the tingling of her body worsen.

Maybe… I should use one. Just to get rid of this feeling before I go see him... Pulling open the drawer, her collection of sex toys stared back at her, all awaiting their time to be used. Koge had neglected them worse than she had her husband, but not for the same reasons. She was quite helplessly obsessed with the way that Bakugou made love to her, and there was no sex toy around that could make her feel as good as he did. Sure, they got her off, but it just wasn’t the same and she preferred to go to him rather than take out one of these toys. But, there was one that she enjoyed more than the others, and that was because he was in control of it.

It didn’t matter where he was. Bakugou could be all the way across the world, but as long as he had wifi, he could control this toy from his phone. Many times they enjoyed it, either while they were out and about together or just around in the home. Or, if he was gone, he would control it for her during her loneliness. It was their favorite, and as such, it was placed right on top of the others. Its bright pink exterior stared her down, taunting and daring her to take it. Koge knew that the instant she turned it on, Bakugou would get a special alert to his phone. If he would comply with her silent demands was a different story, and she felt a bit conflicted if she should even bother with it.

If I’m just going to see him, there’s no point in using that one. Unless…

Picking up the toy, a thought came to her mind. What if… I take the sexy to him? He said he just had to do office work… At his desk. In his very private office. Damn that’s hot…

The toy in her hands became too tempting to ignore, so with a quick breath, she flipped the switch and the indicator light came on red. After a moment, it changed to green, indicating that it had successfully connected to the app on Bakugou’s phone. All that was left, now, was to wait for him to take the bait. Since she had already stripped herself of her clothes leaving herself bare, she ran the toy along her soaking wet sex, teasing her clit before slipping it inside as far in as it would go. The only thing still protruding was a small antenna that was used to keep connection with the designated phone, and thought it was a bit annoying, Koge had grown used to it.

What she hadn’t grown used to was the unbearable urge to turn the toy on herself, to move it about inside her to release this pent up frustration. But, she knew better, especially if she was going to go through with her little plan. Once she made sure it was in securely and comfortably, she headed back to the bedroom, slipping her body into the lewd outfit she had planned for him. It fit her body like a glove, accentuating all her curves and bringing attention to her most flattering assets. The red was striking against her pale skin, even bringing out the hue of her flushed cheeks. She had to admit that she looked damn good, and she could only hope that her lover would think the same.

After fixing up her hair a bit and spritzing herself with some alluring perfume, she made her way back into her closet to find a long enough coat to cover her scantily clad body. Before she could even start looking, however, there was a sudden vibration in her core. Shocked by the sudden feeling and intense pleasure, Koge gasped out and stumbled a bit, snatching onto the wall to steady herself. “O-Oh fuck, Katsuki, why on high- ah!” The intensity of the vibration spiked, making her legs tremble and body jerk with the pleasure. Home alone, she wasn’t worried about moaning out loud, which was something she couldn’t resist.

The pleasure suffocating her, she was brought to her knees. Leaning over with only her upper body resting against the cold grey wood flooring, Koge kept her ass up in the air, eagerly rubbing her clit through the lace fabric of the lingerie. She was so turned on and so swallowed by pleasure that she found herself quickly approaching an orgasm. But, just as she was about to peak, the vibrations from the toy vanished, leaving her aching and longing for its return. With a frustrated sigh, she stopped touching herself and sat up, taking a moment to rest. “So you’re gonna play it like that, huh… You know me too well, Katsuki.”

Standing, she went back to finding the appropriate long coat to wear, one that covered up to her knees. To match the lingerie, she pulled out a pair of red three inch heels, ones which Bakugou had repeatedly told her were sexy. Once decided she was dressed as appropriately as she could be, she snatched her phone, purse and his actual gift before heading out, all the while anticipating when the next round of vibrations would come.

And come they did. On her walk to the train station, on the train standing in a group of strangers, in the middle of her taking a bathroom break, right as she was ordering food and even the entire walk to Bakugou’s firm. It took every inch of Koge’s willpower to not turn into a moaning panting mess on the floor, especially when the speed of the vibrations and rhythm was alternating. Still, he did it just long enough each time to where she couldn’t cum, and she could tell that he was taking great joy in working her up. Most likely, she thought, for his return home, where he could really blow her mind. He didn’t quite expect it to come so soon.

In fact, the look on Bakugou’s face when Koge walked into his office was pure gold, the confusion apparent behind his reading glasses. Seeing that he was on the phone, she simple waved at him, a teasing flutter of her fingers as she held the gift back up with her thumb. He kept his eyes on her all the way to the couch, stuttering a bit as he tried to talk through his shock.

“A-ah, yeah, got distracted. I’m here. No. No, I don’t like that, it sounds way too--” His own sigh interrupted him, pushing his glasses up to rub the corners of his eyes. Koge placed all her belongings down onto the couch, though kept her coat on as she watched him curiously.

“Alright, alright, fine. But only the meet ‘n greet, and the quirk demonstration. Yeah, look, I need to go, just do it. Yeah.” With that, Bakugou hung up the phone, a bit roughly in his agitation. Koge made her way over, placing her hands on his desk and leaning over with a smile. “Ito?” Leaning back in his chair, Bakugou nodded, pulling his glasses off as he looked up at her. “Yeah. What are you doing here, Utsuro? You didn’t tell me you were coming.”

“Ah, well…” Koge gave a shrug, making her way back over to the couch. “I thought you might be hungry. And I figured, if you’re just doing boring office work, I could at least keep you company. I got you that seafood pasta you like so much.” While she worked on opening up the bag to remove the food, she listened to his typing, wondering if she had upset him by showing up. After a moment, he stood and walked over, placing his hand on her lower back as he leaned in to kiss her softly. “Thanks. Not exactly the date we expected, but it works.” He took his food as Koge handed it to him, starting back towards his desk with her in tow. “I know. I’m just happy to be around you, though, Katsuki.”

As Bakugou sat down in his chair, he pushed some paperwork out of the way, motioning for her to sit. Koge did so, hopping up onto his desk and placing her food on her lap. “What did Ito want you to do?” Bakugou gave a small roll of his eyes, taking a moment to answer as his mouth was already full of food. “A fashion show, displaying my merch. I told her to just hire real models, I’m not going to wear it.” Koge giggled softly, rubbing his upper arm lightly with her leg. “Aw, but you’d look so sexy in those clothes.”

“That’s the problem. I don’t want to.” This time he spoke with his mouth full, glaring at Koge over the rims of his glasses. “I’m done using my body for marketing. Not happening.” A loud belch followed the swallowing of his food, opening up his canned soda before he took a hefty drink. Koge shook her head, calmly eating her salad. “You’ve never been sexier than this very moment, Katsuki. Such polite manners.”

“Pfft, it’s just you. I don’t have to be polite around you.”

“True.”

The two of them continued to eat in silence, Bakugou taking a moment to refresh his email every few minutes and answer an instant message. When they both finished their food, Koge hopped off of the desk, taking all the trash back over to the couch to put it into the same bags it came in. She didn’t see Bakugou lean back in his chair, picking up his phone. “So… Gonna tell me what this is all about?”

Before Koge could recognize the question, she was hit with the familiar vibrations, set to a medium speed. She nearly fumbled the trash, having to quickly catch it to make sure it got into the bag. “Huh? What do you mean?” With that, it gradually increased to max speed, forcing a gasp from her lips as she snatched onto the back of the couch for support.

“You know damn well what I mean, Utsuro. You have a toy in your cunt. Or is it in your ass, you little horny bitch.”

Koge couldn’t help the smirk that crossed her lips, using trembling hands to unbutton her coat. “Oh, in my ass sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? But no, it’s in my cunt. My wet cunt that is just dripping for you, Katsuki.” The vibration vanished as she stood up straight, shrugging off her coat to leave her in just the lingerie and heels. Keeping her back to him, she teasingly adjusted the outfit a bit. “Since you couldn’t come home… I figured that maybe this would be more exciting.”

When there was still no word from him, she turned, nearly bursting into laughter at the state he was in. Face flushed and eyes a bit wide with shock, his glasses had fallen halfway down his nose and his mouth was even slightly agape. “Something wrong?” Koge cooed as she began to make her way towards him, fiddling with a piece of silk ribbon that hung from her side. He was silent all the way up until she plopped back down onto his desk. Leaning back in his seat, he was gripping the arm rests of his chair tightly, as if touching her would be a horrible sin. “U-uhm… Utsruo--”

“Shh!” She reached forward and grabbed one armrest, tugging him towards her until he was between her legs. “What’s all this shyness about? Weren’t you just picking on me a second ago about walking around with a toy in my pussy?” Bakugou shook his head, the bashfulness no longer present on his features. Instead, it was an obvious raging hunger, one which he was trying to hold back. “I’m not shy. You’re just such a fucking tease. Look at you… Dressed like that and taunting me by controlling that toy when I thought I couldn’t get to you. If I touch you, I may just end up breaking my desk fucking you.”

“Yeah?” Koge kicked off one of her shoes, stroking the hard form of his member beneath his nice office slacks with her foot. “Or someone could walk in on us, too. Someone could hear us…” Noticing the app for the toy was still open on his phone beside her, she slowly started to turn up the vibration nibbling at her lip as it reached the perfect speed. “Or maybe the paparazzi will notice. ‘Pro Hero and Wife Have Raunchy Valentines Day Desk Sex’. Sounds like a good read.” Spurred on by the pleasure from the toy, Koge put just a bit more pressure on his straining member, making him wince a bit and tighten his grip on his armrests.

“Fucking hell, Utsuro. Your kink is going to get us caught one day.” He gripped onto her ankle, yanking her closer to the edge of the desk. As he stood, Koge reached up and removed his glasses, wrapping her legs around his waist. “It hasn’t yet. And it’s not just my kink.” After putting the glasses on her own face, knowing he always liked the way she looked, Koge unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, glad he had decided not to wear a tie today. “It’s yours. Ever since High School. You like the rush.” She moaned softly against his lips as he kissed her, hungry hands sliding up her thighs, his palms hot against her skin.

“My sweet Katsuki…” Her hands moved down to his hips, unbuckling his belt. “... Always following the rules…” The sound of his zipper fell of deaf ears, both of them too caught up in each others lips and her taunting words. “... I just love it when you break them. All for me.” It was then that the passion became feverish, with his pants around his ankles and the toy removed from within her. It was slammed down onto the desk beside the phone that acted as it’s remote, the couple not even bothering to take the time to turn it off. The instant Koge was left empty, she was full again, his cock slipping into her so quick and hard that she couldn’t control the sharp moan that escaped her lips.

Before she knew it, she was laying on his desk, papers crumbling beneath her and the wood creaking in pain. The noise was non existent to them, as Bakugou ravaged her mercilessly. Koge had her arms up above her head, gripping onto the edge of the desk to try and steady herself, though his hold on her hips was keeping her in place. “O-oh fuck, Katsuki--” She was silenced as he gripped her chin, his middle and third finger slipping into her mouth.

“Shut up, you horny slut. You think you can just come in here and tease me? I’m going to make sure you can’t even walk after I-” Suddenly, Bakugou stopped, noticing a light flash up above his office door. “Oh fuck.”

“Wha--?” Koge tilted her head back to look, his fingers leaving her mouth to instead join back in holding her hips. Her body rocking with his thrusts and her mind dizzy with pleasure, she wasn’t exactly sure what she was trying to look for. “W-what is it?”

“Someone just entered the lobby… Don’t you fucking dare buzz them in without asking me first…” Just as he said that, another light turned on, indicating that the door to the hallway towards his office had opened. “Fuck! Utsuro, get under the desk!” Koge squeaked as she was suddenly lifted off the desk, her ass meeting the cold wood of his floor in seconds. Looking up at him, she was about to retort when the forgotten sex toy was shoved into her face, still buzzing violently. “I said get under!”

His hiss and glare told her she had better comply, and so she did, scooting all the way back as he sat in his chair, pulling it forward and trapping her in the small space. Well, it would have been small for a taller person, but Koge actually found she had quite a bit of room. “Katsuki, what’s going--” She was cut off as the door to his office opened, startling her so badly that she nearly dropped the toy in her hands. Her head between his legs with his raging boner still at full attention, she peeked up at his face, though her vision was a bit blurry from still wearing his glasses.

“Ito, you know I prefer to be called before you come barging in.” Bakugou snapped, trying to casually fix up his desk. Koge could hear the clacking of heels from the woman she despised, giving a small roll of her eyes. Ito gave a small cough to clear her throat, stopping about two feet from the front of the desk. “Yes, Sir. I just was on my way out and thought I would stop by to let you know.”

“An IM works just fine. Or I’ll see that you’re offline. You don’t have to tell me you’re leaving, I’m not your immediate supervisor.” Bakugou couldn’t help but be quite snappy, obviously irritated that his moment with Koge had been interrupted. Though, it seemed to still keep him excited, Koge’s attention pulled to his member as it twitched in anticipation. Giving a small lick of her lips, Koge slipped the toy back inside her, scooting a tad closer to him.

“Y-yes Sir, I know… I just, uhm… Are you okay?” Ito questioned, taking a step closer. Koge smirked as she took his member into her hands, loving to see his body tense. She merely stroked him at first, waiting for the right time. Bakugou rubbed his face, heaving a heavy sigh. “I’m fine. Just overworked and tired.”

“You just look kinda… sweaty and your face is just a bit flushed is all.”

“Yeah, I—“ He was cut off by the sudden feeling of Koge taking his cock into her mouth, though he quickly disguised the hitch in his breath as a cough. “— I may be coming down with something. I think.”

“Oh, that’s uhm… unfortunate. Was someone here?”

Koge assumed Ito was referring to the items on the couch, though her focus was pulled to Bakugous hand as it came to rest on his thigh, phone screen displayed to her. With a flick of his thumb, the vibration increased to full speed, and Koge had to take his cock in deeper so she wouldn’t make a sound. His other hand instantly gripped her head, doing his best to control himself and stay neutral. “Koge is. But she’s in the restroom. Was there something else you wanted besides just telling me you’re leaving?” Bakugou’s voice grew more snappy the more Koge pleasured him, using one hand to hold him at the base while the other was between her legs, rolling her clit beneath her fingers.

It was so hot, such a horrible thing for her to be doing with the other woman in the room, but she just couldn’t help herself. It was so incredibly exciting, that they could be caught at any second. All it would take would be for Ito to step closer or step around the desk, and she would see the lewd way Koge was sucking her lovers cock. Would Koge stop? No, she wouldn’t, and she almost found herself wanting Ito to walk around and see them, gasp in surprise and go running out of the office. Maybe then this woman would learn her place and start keeping her distance, since nothing else had worked so far.

“Ah, well… I just wanted to give you this.” Koge could hear shuffling and the sound of a box being placed on the far edge of the desk, before the footsteps began to scurry away in obvious embarrassment. Just before Ito left, she gave a quick and quiet ‘goodbye’, before the doors shut behind her. The instant Bakugou was sure she had gone, he cursed out loudly, gripping Koge’s hair tightly. “Fuck! God damn it, what are you thinking?!” Koge only looked up at him as she continued her work, taking him in as far as she could with each stroke. She felt herself grow hotter at the feeling of his tip against the back of her throat, turning Bakugou into a groaning mess as he leaned back in his chair.

Now that they were alone, Koge allowed herself to become sloppy and loud, ignoring the wet feeling running down her chin. Though, the feeling of him gripping her hair and the way his body tensed told her he was getting close, so just at the right time, she pulled away. Licking her lips, she smirked at him as he glared down at her, breathing heavily. Bakugou grabbed her chin, guiding her up to her feet as he stood. “You’re such a cock sucking little whore, Utsuro. Bend over.” He forced her upper body face down onto the desk, to which she complied, wiggling her backside tauntingly. “Poor little Katsuki. What, don’t want to get caught having your dick sucked?” She bit her lip as he removed the toy from her once again, though this time it didn’t get tossed aside. Instead, he began to slip it into her ass, making her gasp out loudly and clutch onto the edge of the desk in front of her. “A-ah, Katsuki, wait--!”

“No waiting.” Once he was sure it was securely inside her, he slipped his cock into her wet and dripping cunt, thrusting into her at a quick and rough pace that instantly left Koge feeling numb. She was numb to everything but the pleasure, his dick inside her and the vibrator in her ass were the only things that existed. She didn’t care about how loud she was being, about the papers and folders that fell off the desk, nor the gift that had been left beside her. There was nothing more that she wanted at this very moment, and so she soaked it all in until it all exploded. Waves of pleasure drowned her, body twitching and jerking in his grip as he continued to ravage her through her orgasm.

Unable to control himself, Bakugou was quick to release inside of her, keeping her hips snug against his own. Both of them panting and trembling, Bakugou took a moment to turn off the vibrator before leaning over her body, propping himself on his elbows as his head rested against her shoulder. “Fuck, Utsuro… I needed that.” Koge smiled, reaching up to stroke his hair softly. “Mm… Me, too, Katsuki… I love you. And I’m sorry.” Bakugou kissed her skin gently, running one of his hands along her side gently, loving the feeling of the lace against her skin. “I love you, too. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“But I’ve been--”

“No.” He placed a firm kiss on her cheek before standing, removing himself from her and fixing her underwear back into place. “I don’t want to hear it. We’re passed it, okay?” He gave her a light pat on the ass, before pulling his pants and boxers back into place. “Can I finish my work now?” Koge giggled softly, propping herself up on her elbows as she tried to let her body recover. “Hm, sure. I’ll just be a trophy on your desk. Can I take the toy out of my butt?” Bakugou shook his head, and though she couldn’t see him, she could hear his smirk. “No. You keep that shit in there as punishment. We aren’t done.” As Koge’s face flushed from the threat, her eyes landed on the box Ito left, so she reached over and picked it up, looking at it curiously. “You don’t want to know what she gave you?”

Bakugou sighed, sitting down. “No. I just want to throw it away.”

“What if it’s expensive? You should give it back to her if it is, just say it isn’t appropriate.” Too curious to handle, she started to open it up, ripping the nice wrapping to shreds. “Or just let me keep it.” Bakugou gave a soft snort, reaching across to snatch his glasses from her face. “No, I’ll just give it back. Give me these back, I can’t read.” Koge giggled, kicking her legs a bit since she didn’t touch the floor. “Poor thing, can’t read without his glasses. Oh, geez. Look at this thing.” Koge held up a pen, which was intricately detailed and resembled his typical branding. Though, this was something Koge had never seen before.

As Bakugou took it, Koge looked back in the box. “Oh, there’s a note. ‘Sir, I know it may not be appropriate for me to give you a gift, but this is a one of a kind prototype I had specially made for you. I hope you like it and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and my career.’ Hm. Not bad, I guess. Better than a watch or something weird like that.” She removed a pen stand that came in the box as well, setting it down beside his name plate before standing. Bakugou placed the pen in the stand, giving an annoyed sigh. “We’ll see… It’s still obvious what she’s trying to do.”

“It is.” Koge came up to him, standing between his legs and putting her arms around his shoulders. “But it doesn’t really matter…” She stroked his cheek gently, leaning in to place a soft kiss on his lips as his hands rested on her thighs. Slowly, his hands traveled up, playfully giving her ass a good squeeze before making their way back down. “Mm… This outfit looks good on you, Koge. You’re fucking irresistible to me, you know that?” Koge ran her fingers through his hair gently, resting her forehead against his as they shared a tender and loving gaze, something he very rarely showed except for in moments of intense emotion. She loved that look, as she knew that she was the only one in the world who would ever receive it.

“And you are to me, too. My irresistible Katsuki…”

“Now why don’t you just relax and let me finish working. Then I’ll let you have me as long as you want.”

“Sounds like a deal. I think this Valentine’s Day is turning out better than expected.”

#cutesuki-lemons #bnha scenarios #bnha imagines #bakugou #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x oc #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #bnha writing blog #cutesuki scenarios #personal writing #oc #original character #koge #bakugou x koge

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prorevenge · 6 years

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Destroy my childhood, ruin my chance at college, and laugh when I said I was homeless? Lol cool, I'll ruin your f*cking life.

warning: this is a VERY long story with few updates and TL:DR at the end.

BACKSTORY: My mother was a really shitty person. I have 4 other siblings. One older sister, 3 way younger, 3 different dads. Before I was born (im a male btw), my oldest sister was taken away from my mother when she was a few months old because she tried to stab/slice the father of my sister WHILE HE WAS HOLDING HER. She lost custody and the dude left her. Older sister goes to live with her fathers family in a different city. CUE LIL OL ME COMING INTO THIS SEXY WORLD. My dad went to jail 2-3 years after I was born for a while, I rarely saw him. He's an alcoholic if that matters. She was a single mother but she made it work and she worked hard. One of the bigger problems was that she took out all her aggression and hatred of my father on me as well as work stress and etc. She dealt with sexual abuse growing up which I'm sure definitely affected her relationships and how she treated me as well. Anyways...

Cue me being abused from the age of 4-5 to about 17. Every day was hell. She was extremely strict and her perspective was warped. She was also pretty big in stature and had alot of strength. Examples of her being shitty: I've gotten beaten up badly once because HER room was dirty. The dishes weren't washed and I got beaten soon as I got home, even if there weren't dishes when I left to school. If i walked too loud, id get my ass beat. She broke my nose for looking at her the wrong way on my 10th birthday when she brought me a cake I was allergic too(It had peanuts, she knows im slightly allergic but feigned ignorance..) It was more or less every day or every other day. She used her fists/elbows/extension cords/hangers/chairs/canes/bats/etc. Whatever she could find I was getting beaten with. I couldn't ever escape to my room for long because she would always call me every few minutes to get her things or to yell at me. She never drank or did drugs or anything. Whenever she was upset and I happened to be in front of her she'd kick me down the stairs to make me hurry up. She's put a knife to my neck before and had to be forcibly stopped by her bf of the time. Burned my Christmas presents from other people (she didnt get me anything that year) and just other really shitty things. The only thing I will say, she tried really hard to make up for it with video games and electronics and etc. It didn't make a difference to me though, it never helped.

She controlled most aspects of my life. I got by with little petty revenges. Peeing in the Lipton iced tea she drank. Rubbing her forks and spoons between ny buttcheeks before i served her dinner. Ignoring her screams for help when she had kidney stones (how tf am i supposed to help anyways??) But by the time i got to highschool I turned to alcohol. I resented her and the negative atmosphere affected who I was as a person. I started to be cold and uncaring. Calculated. She started kicking me out every few months telling me to find somewhere else to live by age 15. She sent me away to a different country for a year and tried to keep my passport but I made it back to the US with the help of the embassy and my step father (she'd already left by that time and found some other dude). I came back senior year with no credits for the prior grade which ended with me getting a GED. I spent most of the time i could with my best friend and started working shitty jobs. I was terrible at saving as i had accumulated loads of shitty habits while growing up so it didnt make much difference. She eventually told me that If i went to college, I would ALWAYS have a place to live until I finished. Cue my first 2 semesters at a 2 year college, I maintained a 3.7ish gpa. My teachers loved me and it was my escape. Towards the end of my 2nd semester during finals, i came home late one night around 10pm and my mother yanks the door open screaming in my face asking when I'll move out. I'm slightly drunk and decide to completely ignore her and walk to my room. If I opened my mouth, that day would be the day I blew up and cursed her out. I've rarely ever raised my voice at her because it never ended well. Now at this point im 19 and I've been doing school full time with no savings. Im also fairly fit and could easily take my mom at this point (Never laid a hand on her or any woman, i hate violence). I get to my room, she rips my door open, and starts yelling. I say nothing and stare at her. She walks away and called the police on me saying she thought id murder her and my younger siblings. I don't know where the fuck she got that idea from as she's the one who's nearly killed me many times.

I packed everything into a duffle bag and left 5 minutes afterwards. I failed all of my finals because I couldn't make it to my school. Things kinda spiraled and the next 2-3 years were me on and off homeless. I survived the best I could in a big city with no college degree and made a lot of shitty choices due to my shitty habits. Eventually i found a profitable hobby that gave me meaning and through that i started to work my way up. Got my own apartment, had a full time job, and did my hobby on the side. I hadn't kept up contact with my mother at all but my younger sister who was old enough to have a phone found me on social media so i saw photos and such, she didn't have it anywhere near as bad but she did get beaten occasionally. My mother reached out via email all smiles asking how I've been. Now guys, ive always been envious of the relationship most ppl have with their moms so I gave her a chance and gave her a call. We talked for a few minutes and everything was civil and seemed like things would go okay but then...

She asked me what I've been up to the last few years and I told her honestly, that I was homeless for a while and struggled a lot after what she did to me but I worked my way out of it. SHE LITERALLY LAUGHS. She laughed for a few seconds in a very condescending kinda chuckle and then said "I never did a thing to you so you don't know what abuse is! its your own damn fault you were homeless. So how about yo-" but by that point I hung up. I was speechless and fuming. I don't know what abuse is? OKAY BITCH. IVE SPENT TOO FUCKING LONG LETTING YOU DESTROY MY SANITY. NOW IS THE TIME.

There was a few things my mother didn't know. One, I knew for a fact that current well paying job she had was gotten on lies as she never got her college degree and lied about it on her resume. Two, I had access to all of her email accounts and cloud storage accounts since I was the one that set them up when I was younger and she never changes her passwords. Lastly, she DEFINITELY wasn't aware that from 13yrs old and onto the last time she hit me I took photos of ALL my bruises/marks/wounds/bloody noses saving them to my computer and then google drive. ON TOP OF THAT, my little sister had been sending me photos via social media of the bruises she got from my mom.

The first thing I did was compile ALL of those photos/videos into one folder. I then reached out to CPS in my city and explained that my siblings were being abused, how I was abused in the past, and that I had mountains of proof. Since ive called the cops on my mother before AND the thing that happened with my older sister, there was immediately a home visit. They arrived almost a day later with the police and coincidentally my mother was literally in the process of beating my younger sister when they were knocking. Cue an Emergency removal of all my siblings from the house and my mother getting arrested though she was released hours later. (I was getting a day to day play by play because my mothers best friend is a blabber mouth and everything my mother said she told her son who relayed it to me without either of their knowledge.) I sent CPS all the evidence and there's a legit case against my mother now. The next day I emailed and then called up her job to inform them that she had lied about having a very necessary college degree as well current events in her life which sparked a background check. She was fired days later. Say adios to 75k and a blacklist in the only industry you know how to work. I then spitefully deleted every cloud account and email address I ever made for her, which was all of them which im sure will make keeping up with alot bills and etc nearly impossible. I then anonymously reported her to the IRS because of the tax fraud she committed for years by claiming people's children that weren't hers with ALOT of detailed information since I lived with her while she did it.

So now, my mother lost all her kids and her job. Im meeting with a caseworker from CPS next week to talk more about what happens moving forward but I do know they're NOT going back. Idk how she's gonna pay her mortgage now and survive. I'm sure she's gonna get a call from the IRS who'll be looking for a few thousand dollars she owes them. She also has to go back to court in a few months, not exactly sure what she was charged with but ill update when I find out how everything turns out.

Side Note: She isn't aware im the cause of any of this. I plan on keeping tabs on her and waiting until it seems like she's close to death before I tell her it was all me and I peed in her Lipton.

Updates:

1) I am psychologically not in the position to take care of my younger siblings or take on a parental role. I came very close to suicide 2 years ago and im just trying to work on my alcohol problem and other habits that keep me in a cycle of instability. No I haven't been to any programs or therapy, I don't think it will help me in regards to my nearly constant apathy and etc.

2) My 2 youngest siblings weren't really bothered much. It was mostly my little sister after I left who got beatings but luckily it wasn't anything near the level I had to deal with.

3) Im also incapable of taking custody because I don't have an apartment anymore due to bad decisions I made while drinking recently. So I'm back to homeless but I crash with a friend once in a awhile. I am very well aware I am an influence on my younger siblings and I'm trying to stay consistent with doing everything I can to be a better and more stable person for them so that maybe I can finally build a real relationship with someone in my family. I'm sorry to disappoint everyone who keeps wishing me more success.

4) Aside from my little siblings, I have zero contact with anyone else in my family. And even then, its been very rare because I had to avoid my mother to see them and didn't want her knowing i kept in contact (Meeting my little sister after school, facetime, etc). The rest of my family were well aware of what she did and distanced themselves. I don't plan on reaching out to them as im not good at maintaining relationships with mostly anyone anyways.

TL;DR - My mother abuses me badly for most of my life as well as my younger siblings. I have to drop out of college and support myself after she drove me to homelessness. She proceeds to laugh at me about me being homeless and denys abuse. So I ruined her life by getting my younger siblings removed and her arrested, making her lose her job, reported her to the IRS, and essentially set her up so that the remainder of her life is full of disaster and hardships.

(source) (story by howbout_that_lipton)

#pro revenge #by howbout_that_lipton #prorevenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story

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minnie-marvel · 6 years

Text

Operation Juliet (Peter Parker x Reader) Part 3 [finale]

You’ve been head over heels for Peter Parker for almost a year hiding your feelings behind love letters that you never thought would reach him. When your best friend slips one into your locker, you give up on hiding your letters from Peter and begin to slip them into his locker on a daily basis. Peter is through with not knowing who you are so he and Ned finally decide to engage in a proper investigation to figure out your identity!

Peter Parker x Reader

Part 1 Part 2

Words:

A/N:Finally!! The curtain comes to a close on this romantic sap of a fic!! I’m so glad you all enjoyed this piece it was honestly a freaking delight to create this. Like writing love letters is so fun and sweet If only i had someone to write some to hahaha

Before we go on although I’d like to bring your attention to this MASTERPIECE @seven-magic-sins drew for this fic!!! PLEASE CHECK OUT THEIR ART WHAT THEY DID WAS SUPER SWEET AND THEY DESERVE ALL THE LOVE!!!!

(BTW if anyone makes fanart for my fics you bet your sweet ass I’ll be featuring it in my works!!! It’s too thoughtful to ignore!!! As long as it’s PG I’ll be putting it on the next update of said fic!!!)

Now then, let’s get to the good stuff shall we?

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His breathing stopped, his heart froze, his eyes locked onto your notebook where your name was written in a perfectly adorable script that he had only seen once before.

“Thanks!!” you chirped innocently as Peter handed you your notebook trying to keep himself from bursting into flames at the mere sight of you. He didn’t meet your eyes for a moment as he mumbled a quick “no problem” to you. When he was finally able to peel his gaze back from the floor, he nearly fell over again. He was stunned at how cool and collective you were being, despite your underlying romantic demeanor. You were the girl he was looking for, his Juliet.

Unfortunately for you, you were about as oblivious as Peter, and didn’t notice his obvious ogling over you. Or maybe you were just completely thrown off due to the fact that Peter was actually talking to you in the first place?

Peter’s brain felt clogged with all of the incoming messages his heart was seemingly telling him. It was screaming that he was an idiot, a dork and super lame for not being able to come up with anything to say for at least three minutes. You both were left in a very awkward silence, neither of you being able to believe that you were actually talking to the other person.

“So uh… my friend said she talked to you about Spiderman today!” You felt your voice crack again. Godamnit. He had to take a moment to think back to who you could possibly be talking about. Was it a girl? Or worse, maybe a boy? That’s when the realization struck him like a brick to the head.

“Oh yeah!! The girl on track.. what was her name?? Sorry, I’m like… really bad with those.” He said quickly. You shook your head happy that you had gotten a conversation flowing. “Eve!” you answered. You weren’t going to tell him that she was essentially your distraction, but it wasn’t like you had to anymore, Peter had soon pieced together your little plan to throw him off.

He felt his brain slap himself. Oh, you were good, too good.

“Right…” he said softly. “You know Y/N, I never really see you around school! Where are you always hiding?” he gave a soft laugh that sent your heart sky high. Ah yes, that was why you were in love with him. It wasn’t that you had forgotten, but seeing Peter being so adorable in person seemed to make you fall all over again.

You blushed realizing you had let a second or two fly by before responding due to you swooning over him internally. “Oh well, I’m not exactly in your classes, I’m just a grade below you but…there’s always passing!!” You said quickly to make up for the lost time. You felt embarrassment sink in your chest. You really hoped he didn’t suddenly see you as some squabbling infant in comparison to him.

“That makes sense…” He said a little too thoughtfully for your taste. Oh god, why was he saying it like that?? Were you drooling?? You were probably drooling. You wiped your mouth slightly despite no saliva being present. “It’s too bad, it would be cool to see you around more often, you’re a pretty sweet person!”

911? Yes, you’d like to report a homicide. This boy had practically shot you in the heart.

You started to giggle like an idiot. “N-no not really..!!” you said trying to look away from him. Peter couldn’t help but give a laugh as well. Boy, if you were this bashful over a small compliment, who knew what you would do if he actually told you how he thought you were a literal angel sent from heaven that he didn’t know he deserved.

You felt the train slowly pull to a stop and felt your heart tear slightly as Peter started to move. “This is me,” He said sadly himself. He wanted to tell you he knew you, so badly. Not that he had known you from your first day of school when you dropped your books all over the floor just as you did a few minutes ago. He wanted to tell you that he knew you and everything that your heart wanted to tell him. He wanted to tell you that his heart wanted to speak to yours too.

“Bye Peter!” You waved to him as he took a step off the bus. He gave you a smile that made you want to faint before walking off into the distance while the train pulled off again. Peter pulled his phone out almost immediately texting Ned.

‘Ned. Emergency. I know who Juliet is.’ --- Ned had met Peter at his apartment as soon as he could. Overwatch would have to wait, it wasn’t every day he and Peter had a cute girl pinning after one of them.

“Oh!! Y/N!” Ned said stroking his chin as he spun in Peter’s chair. “I see her a lot in the library,” he thought allowed. “She’s super quiet though I’ve never even heard her speak before…” his hand dropped to his side in disbelief. “I can’t believe she of all people is… Juliet.” He shrugged.

“What?? Dude, she’s like perfect come on!!!” Peter shouted.

“No, no, bro I’m not saying she’s not perfect!! I just didn’t think it would be her,” Ned said. He stood still for a moment before turning fully to him. “How are you gonna tell her Pete?”

Peter pursed his lips. “Well, there’s only one thing I can do,” He said simply. --- You hummed softly to yourself, you were having a fantastic day. You had gotten an A on your math test which you were convinced that you had failed (math and science was never your strong suits). You had finished one of your reading assignments freeing your weekend up, and on top of all that, yesterday’s conversation with Peter still left you feeling on top of the world.

The last bell of the day had rung and your felt your excitement grow. The weekend was here and you were free to do whatever you pleased. You opened up your locker to pack up your things for the weekend when you felt something tap your feet. Your eyes naturally glanced at the floor and you felt your chest clench.

There was a small envelope lying at your feet with your name written on its front.

You swept it into your hands almost immediately, fearful that it might disappear if you didn’t pick it up quick enough. Your fingers trembled as they slowly tore through the paper revealing a letter inside. You felt your skin shake as you read.

To the silently sweet Y/N, who writes from afar,

Okay, first off, I know this is super cheesy and a dumb attempt to try and copy what you’ve mastered. What you’ve created for the past month is not something as simple as letters Y/N; it’s an art. I’m an idiot for not realizing sooner. You’d think someone who’s gained a full-time internship to Stark labs would have known better. Enough about me although, I’m sure you’ve had enough letters about me in your hands long enough. It’s time for me to finally return your favor. If you are as loving, intelligent, and beautiful as Juliet, am I even worthy to be your Romeo? I’ve never been one to be very confident, but I think I’d do a better job than a Montague of being your one true love. That is if you’d still want to love a dork like me who couldn’t figure you out till now. Your letters have created a change in me; they’ve started a fire in my heart that I can’t control any longer. At first, it was a spark, then a steady flame, and now Y/N? Well, I don’t even think a typhoon could smother out the wildfire that explodes when I think about how perfect you are, and how I don’t deserve you. There’s so much more I want to tell you, but I think you deserve a better explanation than a letter that’s practically a steaming pile of crap in comparison to your masterpieces. Will you let me explain? I hope you will Y/N.

Signed,

Your hopelessly romantic Romeo

Peter

You knew this was good news. Hell, this was AMAZING news! But you couldn’t help but shake when you lifted your eyes from the paper. When you did, your world seemed to stop in motion and everything froze.

Peter stood only a couple of feet away from you, watching you read the letter with the goofiest most adorable smile that you thought you could even see on this planet. Your hands dropped to your side as he took a couple of steps closer to you. Your face was about as red as the color on his spidey suit at this point. You couldn’t help but look down in embarrassment.

“Hey, hey!!” Peter chuckled taking you gently by the shoulders when he saw your frown. “What’s wrong D-did I do a bad job??” He saw your tears drop onto your shoes and bit his lip pulling you into a quick embrace. “Y/N…?” He asked feeling his heart jump, stop and burn all at once.

“I didn’t think you’d ever find me…” You whispered the tears hot on your cheeks. “Yeah,” Peter tried not to laugh. “I’m sorry it took so long, you’d think a so-called genius could have pieced it together sooner right?” He tapped his forehead against yours and you finally got the courage to look at him. You thought that his eyes were warm enough to melt a block of ice.

“It’s not that…” you smiled softly. “I didn’t think you’d necessarily want to find me…” you explained. “I mean I’m not that noticeable, I’m quiet, I can’t even speak to you without having a mini heart attack,”

“Y/N, I don’t care about any of that,” He answered taking a strand of your hair pushing it behind your ear. “You’re shyness, your quietness, it’s all in our personality and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.” He smiled his hands sliding from your back to your hands. “I meant everything I said in those letters Y/N, I don’t want you to just be my Juliet.” Your heart nearly stopped and your eyes searched his fearful of his next response. “ I want you to be my Y/N, totally and completely with every quirk that you have.”

He took a moment to laugh to himself. “And let’s not forget that I’m no angel either, I think I’m about as awkward as they come,” You sighed softly letting your head rest on his chest now. Your heart was a glow and your spirits were so high you thought that it could reach satellites. Everything felt perfect, for a moment you expected credits to roll.

“So,” Peter said drawing you out of your thoughts. “How do you feel about Thai?” He said wrapping one arm around you as you walked together down the hall. You felt your hand touch his as you looked up at him. “I think that sounds good,” You smiled. Ned and Eve passed you both by casually as you walked and exchanged knowing glances. They gave each other high fives before calling out to you.

“Hey, Romeo and Juliet!!” Eve snorted nudging Ned’s side. “Get a room you too!” Ned smirked.

You couldn’t help but smile. You looked down at the letter in your other hand again blushing slightly. “Hey, Peter?”

“Hmm?”

“Did my letters make you this flustered?” You asked still showing him the letter. Peter laughed loudly having to stop mid-walk altogether in order to compose himself again. He turned to you his cheeks rosy from laughter and his feelings for you.

“Y/N, you have no idea,”

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Operation Juliet Tag

@littlevelvethearts @yourwonderbelle @dust-finatic @hawaiiantozier @awesomefandomsunited @potato384 @fandoms-in-my-tea @drowning-in-the-stars13 @angry-kylo @i-heart-movies @tonystarkshat @54fangirl @skeletalwolfcat @just-saying-26 @pan-tarou-amami @theatregeek217 @wisestark @mxrvel-imxgines-blog @wukindly @bitchstolemynutellaus @avengingly @metermarker @plethoraofpuppies @angie1djonasgg @spookydragonprincess @dark-night-sky-99 @gabbygurrl @angel-in-the-roses @the-silver-iris @person-without-a-life @spiderboyx @dontstopxx @avengingly

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#peter parker x reader #peter parker #peter parker imagine #marvel x reader #marvel #marvel fanfiction #minnie marvel makes a fic #spider man: homecoming #fanfic #fanfiction #marvel imagine

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imperiusv · 5 years

Text

III - Things We Lost In The Fire

After this i stopped stressing so much about you and relaxed, which had a profound effect on our relations , we were chilled back and much more comfortable with each other, when we went to jumbo , the teddy bear picture, I didn’t even go for a kiss, which you were teasing me and messing around with me, we laughed and made fun of people, being little assholes together, drama free moments,which actually were days ,the last couple of days we were together non stop. You called me to go to the conference about the EU , with that fat guy from my town, it was pretty cool, too bad people ate all the food and didn’t get any of the free shit. We had dinner and some wine and a walk around NDK, you took my hand, turned me to face you and looked my in the eyes, Ausculor That was the moment i knew you were mine, which was just remarkable , a few days ago i would have said we will never talk again and nothing will ever come between us again , crying in the fucking shower , i felt so bad after that party i couldn’t hold it anymore and then a fucking week later we were on a date, all chill and good, having a great time and setting the roadmap for the next two years and a half, damn how much can a week or even a fucking day change your life. From there it was all good , we were dating and would go out , have a good time, make out and be together a lot more. The karaoke party was the next thing , we were in marta’s place , she was giving you stink eye the whole evening, even called me in the middle of the night drunk, she fucked Timur that night btw, to get back at me, but i didn’t care at all, we even joked about it with him, she told me i made her feel sad, poor girl, she is still with her boyfriend, even tho she cheated on him with half the guys. Poor cunt.We slept in your place and was pretty nice , didn’t fuck, but we wanted to. You went back to your town then, I went with you to the train station, i hopped on the bus , because i wanted to meet you there and imagine my suprise when i saw you, it was like fate, i felt like the Gunslinger then, which was a clear sign for me. That evening I saw a guy die in front of me, some poor old timer had a heart attack on the platforms, it was horrible and made me think of my own mortality. You came back and Melanie was there too, she came to visit me, I was coming back from the gym or whatever and there was this girl in front of my door, I was so happy in a weird way tho, we had a good time with her the next couple of days, talking about the old days and going out with our friends, tho she complained i was unavailable , it was all good, then came the party! We were organizing it, FAMOUS couples again, but this time it was so rigged, i gave all my friends their tickets for the girls they wanted and so on, Timur was ecstatic! At one point it all got too much so i just started drinking and kissing you in front of everybody, again and again , didn't give no damns about who was watching , we vanished at one point and went to my place, had sex for a good 3 hours i think , my knee got injured , i couldn’t cum , no idea why and it was pretty lame , you were really bad, but i thought cmon she needs time and will get better, which eventually happened over the next couple of months, we were fucking all the time. You lost your wallet that night or someone stole it , more probably , we went to the police station and i handled it really well, little did you know that i had already gone that path with someone else and it was a like dejavu all over again , i couldn’t help but laugh at myself , but you were pretty bummed out so i was there for you. After that we were really into each other, we started going out all the time, so many places we went and yet we had no money at all , parks , museums , bars, it was a really good time, the whole process is the sweetest of all dating, I will keep like this with my next girlfriend, I don’t know why we couldn’t keep it up, but as always probably it was my fault,maybe it was us living together and starting work,being adults, who knows, but these were one of the best months i have ever given anyone from march to august, when we started working, probably made out in all the parks in Sofia, I literally couldn’t get enough of you, but slowly i was realizing you are not the person i imagined you to be, you weren’t the headstrong and confident girl i though you were, which my brainwashed head though i wanted, I just had no idea how to handle you and that became even more evident as our relationship progressed all the way to when we broke up, I was blinded by my own stupidity and overconfidence and belief that you were different . You were not. But yeah , really good times, it’s one of the few things that still has the power to sadden me, not you or us dating, just how happy i felt back then, how free and good i was feeling back then, it just scares me i might never ever feel like this again, because i’m a working adult now, not in university anymore and already have spend a lot of my feelings capacity on someone, scarred tissue, that you wished you saw, lol. The zoo date was when i knew you loved me for sure, just the way you looked at me , I knew that you had already fallen for me really really hard.There were hiccups here and there, trust issues and over availability on my side ,but this was the first and probably the last time i would give myself over to someone so much ,the thing is women don’t want a guy who devotes all his time to them, they want a man who does his own stuff and ignores them, gives them scraps, instead of everything and they have to chase him, sadly it has come to this. I’m like this now, it took me so long and it was really hard, but I’m finally there, doing my own thing, if you wanna be a part of it okay, if not , okay, your decision. Couple of really good parties here and there - the dress up one was really good, bad taste too , i can’t remember how much i organized these, but yeah. Two big things in this period - you going on erasmus and Prague, oh come on, you think i won’t mention that shit here? The erasmus thing was a really big deal, i had failed my criminal law exam and that meant i could go at the earliest next winter semester , you on the other hand were accepted and thinking of going, i knew that would be the end of us, if you went , I had zero trust in you and weren’t exactly helping me ,sorry babe. I was trying to get us to Germany to work for the summer and make money, my plan was , if everything was okay, to make money and travel, do stuff together,eventually joining you for the second semester or whatever, I couldn’t ask you not to go, that would have been really selfish and stupid of me, praise the Emperor , you decided it by yourself , too bad Germany didn’t work out too, our life would have been so different now , if we had gone there, I just can’t begin to imagine how the chips may have fallen. Prague, yeah, the thing was , that i knew what was happening and that you were manipulating me , but on the other hand i knew you had really strong feelings for me and you wouldn’t do anything stupid or risk us for just some fucking or whatever, or at least that was what i was hoping, to be honest i don’t believe you did something then, I just liked to used to piss you off, but there were really a lot of strange stuff around the whole thing. Like the photo of your medallion he sent you, that was really fucked up, why would you take it off, you guys weren’t fucking, how does something like this fall from your head , I ain’t dumb i knew that the stuff you wrote in your diary was intentionally put there for me , so I can read it , I took great pleasure in reading your stuff, not that i didn’t know what was going on in your head. I read them all one day, When loneliness came and you were away, They told me nothing new , I just loved to read the words that you used. These are the things, the things we lost The things we lost in the fire, fire, fire Do you understand that we will Never be the same again? It mattered a lot , but there was nothing i could do , but trust you, and i knew from before that day in the park, I just wanted to confront you some way, that’s why i was acting horrible and mean the days around that incident, which made me hate myself, but i had to escalate it, so I can know, the first time of many I would do such horrendous things to you and mistreat you to figure out something or prove a point, damn i was such a fool, when i look back at old me , sometimes i feel disgust and anger in the same time, but I have grown and changed tremendously since that, so yeah new phone who dis.Everyone was seeing how happy we were together and how much we had changed from being a couple, in a positive way of course, we started working out together, drinking less and not partying that hard, as it was detrimental to our goals, ambitions and a productive lifestyle, some of my friends weren’t that happy of course, mostly the boys, as they knew you weren’t that good, i would remember a lot of people telling me that i’m way hotter and smarter than this and i can do much better, as you weren’t the wife material i thought you were, but i didn’t care to listen for a second, i loved you so much at that point.We were somebodies , as everyone knew us and about how long it took for our relationship to surface, not that i went on and on telling people about it, it was just that apparent, cmon. You met my family by accident, I was really embarrassed that you would take it way too seriously and it was early, but on the other hand , we had known each other for some quite time and were really close as friends, i could say best friends , so it wasn’t such of a big deal like a girl you’ve been dating and known for just two months and later on my brother’s prom i showed you off to everybody and they liked you, to be honest , I really appreciated that you put so much effort in making them like you, they REALLY DID, when we broke up , my father came down so hard on me, it was like i was already burning and he poured like fucking napalm on me, later he apologies and begged my forgiveness , but his words really fucked me up in the first days since you left. My mom didn’t like you that much tho, she said you were faking it and looked unreliable , coming from her that was rich, but you really were, it takes one to know one i guess. Meeting your parents was stressful for me too , I tried making a good impression, I have no idea why they didn’t like me , i really TRIED and did put in a lot of effort, I just didn’t like talking too much, because i was worried i might say something dumb, on that vacation we went to France, I really helped them out so much and was all the time with your dad, helping him to figure stuff out, i was legit worried about them, and all they remembered was that i grabbed your ass , jesus , they wouldn’t see that i was a strong alpha male , who could GET SHIT DONE and take care of you , noooo , they only saw i grabbed your ass and wanted to fuck, jesus what a sick pervert, well of course i wanted to fuck, you were my girl, you made me crazy, i could get so horny around you, I couldn’t think straight and all i wanted was you. They should have been happy that you have a stand up guy, who treats you well(kinda) doesn’t beat you, doesn’t drink.smoke or is a scumbag, has his shit figured out (kinda) and is family orientated and would generally take care of you to the best of his abilities, but nahh, he don’t talk so much, doesn’t drink with your dad and smacks your ass, also ain’t a beta wimp who is afraid of your daddy and all his big bad motorcycle buddies, I bet they love that sad wanker you have now . I really tried, idk why, guess it wasn’t enough. Now i see how much better I could have handled the situations and all that, but its too late, you are to blame as well, if you knew they didn’t like me or if you knew what they wanted or how they expected me to behave, didn’t it occur to you, that , perhaps , maybe, you should have mentioned something? What a ridiculously absurd idea, i know? So beyond that ,i really liked your hometown and the surrounding area, your parents did put effort into showing us around, wished they had done the same in communicating with us or you as well, I could really feel like giving them grand kids and letting them have the kids over for holidays or something, which to you might seem like a normal thing to do, but for me, I ain’t letting no dumb ass motherfuckers or negative toxic people raise my fucking kids.I was really hoping that they did like me, so imagine my surprise , when i read your conversations and i saw that they hated me, but more of that in the last chapter. Good stuff -I remember when you made me that protein cake, my ever loyal friend Adrian said i should wife you and said he envied me for getting such a keeper , now he got engaged and is gonna get married , yeah talk about irony. Summer came and we got jobs, it was so good that feeling of growing together and becoming adults, you even joined the gym to train with me, i remember how you told me, blah blah i will never be the girl with the track shorts and protein shakes doing squats and stuff in the gym and couple months later i was training you, I was so PROUD of you, you busted your ass and got amazing results , not just physically , but mentally you had changed, you had grown into a a better more positive mentality , you didn’t want to do dumb shit, but rather grow and improve yourself more, this was pure gold for me, i was a real fool not to realize it back then, I partially did to be honest, but not to the full extent that I have now, seeing other people,comparing and whatnot . You were a trophy girl i would say in the gym at least, i feel a sharp pain in my stomach when i think that someone else reaped the rewards of our hard work , without being part of it, but yeah you are kinda fat now so who cares. You moved into my dorm for the summer and we had a really good time, the others had left, which made me really really sad and alone, but you were there for me and we were having all sorts of fun , idk why we didn’t keep that spirit after we moved in together, but all those museums, galleries and free shit we went to, they were amazing and costed only our time and effort, like the history stuff or the first hike in the forest when we had sex behind those trees , it was so good , great stuff, made me love you so much and i fell so hard for you , because of the ways you made me feel, or I made you feel, no idea what would be the proper way of saying it. The sea vacations were nice and i enjoyed the time we spent together as a couple even more. I look back at those blissful days and think to myself why it could have been like that always, well the answer is that i was too available and giving you too much of my time, you didn’t appreciate it that much or did up to a point and then started being needy and bitchy and giving me attitude , nagging and being generally an insecure pain in the ass, which is good, i just did not know how to handle it, I do now, for the next one that is. The first cracks came in when there was pressure on us to find a place to live together, you had work and classes and all that was too much for you , throw in night shifts , shitty roommates and dumb friends in the mix and we have ourselves a Molotov cocktail ready to be lit , by a single spark, thankfully it didn’t happen , I could still control myself and managed to keep a cool head,but it was a really stressful experience looking for a new place, working,studying for exams and being with you, when i look at pics i can see my skin wasn’t so good, fat and don’t look so happy, somehow i decided that the reason was in you, partially it was, so i think from that moment i got disappointing in you and my efforts in our relationship started to go downhill from the moment we got that place in the business park, of course we had our ups and downs afterwards , but it was downhill from there, i was just disappointed in you that you weren’t the person i thought you were and I didn’t know how to handle the shattering of that illusion. Don’t get me wrong , not that i didn’t love anymore you or something , I still did, just it was with different intensity , I stopped taking so many photos of you, didn’t kiss you so passionately like before, spending time together was become a habit, rather than a pleasure, things i didn’t notice back then , but when i look back i see clearly now. Of course we had really good moments till, the birthday present you made me , still brings warmth to my heart and all the stuff and effort you put in the relationship were amazing and i was lucky to have you that moment, just you disappointing me and it didn’t feel the same for me , I thought you were this perfect person made for me , but the abrupt realization was that you weren’t and that really fucked me up . Nevertheless we started living together and building our lives as we went, the first night we slept in our bed i was thinking what mistake this whole thing was and that i should be leaving you. Weeks and months passed and i slowly got used to us living together, we had some really good and bad moments, but i guess that’s life. We should have gotten a nicer and bigger place in the center, so that we can have friends over and make a better social life, like Pierre and his new girl, but i didn’t look that far in the future to predict the need for that, my mistake again. I didn’t like my job at all and I was very stressed by the whole exams stuff, you were understanding at first, but slowly you stopped caring and supporting me about it ,which is normal I guess, a person can be caring for only that long, but that had a profound effect on me, it put me in a i wouldn’t go as far as depression,but eventually it came to that as well , i was just unsatisfied and grumpy, nothing seemed to bring me joy, not even the gym, food or you , which is really sad, as it wasn’t my fault, i needed your help and support, but you weren’t there for me, you weren’t understanding at all, when you were like this, I never gave up you on, I kept taking all your shit and mistreatment , not because i was a wimp, but just because i saw that you were not in the right place now and I had the power the bring you in the correct mindset and take care of you, which I did , but the at the cost of my own sanity and sacrificing my happiness for you, which set the stage for this shit.We had some good stuff going on for us that year, I won’t say that we just sat home and bickered or whatever, we had the cat , it made us so happy , you were doing well at work, we were saving monies , which at the time was so hard, I just realize now how big of a problem money were back then, i would always worry and think we won’t manage, my whole mindset was at saving money in case something happens - babies and stuff, but it just wasn’t enough in the long term, saving scraps , depriving us of the things we wanted and for what, all those money went away like dust in the wind, now that I am making a lot more money , it just doesn’t feel the same, but yeah who am I to talk about money now that i am having a six figure salary. That was another mistake , but you can only learn from your mistakes , you choose if they down or grow you.Money was one of the biggest issues I think, me not wanting to spend money on travels and stuff,but yeah enough of that. The dead cat babies thing was really bad too, it emotionally drained the both of us , but brought us together, as we had even more shared trauma, my only regret was that i wasn’t there with you,but i really tried coming back, just there was no way to do it. On the topic of my work, Teodora wanted to fuck with me, we both knew , she even mentioned that a couple of times to me, but i loved you so much , that i couldn’t even imagine doing that to you, so yeah imagine my surprise when you started hating her and doubting me, talk about a turn off, they were one of the few couple friends, we should have kept them in our lives, they helped us, but you kicked them out , because you didn’t trust me or god knows why, I didn’t do anything with her while we were together. I remember that time you came drunk when I was out with Timur and you were with your colleagues, there was a reason i did not like them and that was it, they let you get so drunk that you would puke your guts out on the fucking street , do you have any idea how embarrassed and bad i felt, we were sitting with Timur sharing a fag , waiting for you and then we saw a girl puking on the street, he said who is that drunken hoe, i recognized you from so far away, I still can , so connected we were, that i could smell you from a mile away, i just had the ability to sense you, that’s how i found you on the metro all those times, it was just like I knew that you were there. The whole thing was extremely embarrassing and it wasn’t the first time you would get wasted, naturally at the moment i wasn’t thinking how ashamed or disappointed i was in you, just worried if you were okay,as you seemed loaded to the boot. It’s one of the reasons i always hated when you would drink booze, as you couldn’t control yourself and would get wasted , i mean yeah maybe , I’m over exaggerating ,but you have a history of getting wasted and doing dumb fucking shit - mountain madness, half of the parties we went on, first night you slept in my place, fucking prague, my brother’s prom, new years, that time with your friends, this incident and so on. Not exactly a girl scout when it comes to drinking, but i liked that about you, just hated when you would get too wasted and i would have to clean your mess. This shit is getting way too long , I intended to have it by the end of last month, not September and I still have two more chapter left , and the last one, which is the most important one i guess , for the sole reason that you had no idea what was going on through my head after we split.

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theanatomyletter · 5 years

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here is a perfectly sane response to the climate emergency

Right so like 3 days ago once everyone found out a couple weeks too late that the literal amazon rainforest is on fire I went into a sort of anxiety/depressive spiral and it was terrifying!!! I was scared and shocked out of doing anything and kept thinking of all the bad things that are happening and how we are all going 2 die and kept thinking of how to make more ppl understand that climate destruction is part of the same racist project as white imperialism and I’m !!! Stressed !! And I was scared and freaked out!!! I remember as a kid one of my favourite things ever was the book Journey To The River Sea by Eva Ibbotson and I s2g that book made me a person it taught me so many things about what it means to love a place and to be alive in the world and how to sustain a sense of self and community in meaningful connection with that it means to be alive and here and breathing and it’s a book about the rainforest and the river and so I’ve just been,, thinking of it a lot, little blue butterfly from the cover floating thru my brain and all that. It’s hard!!! I thought I was afraid of not saving/earning enough money to do a masters next year but I was actually afraid of the consequences of the climate emergency. Pay more attention to your emotions and honour them for what they are and figure out what is at stake for you, what does it make you feel that the world is in crisis. I think that’s important

Depressing chat aside after I panicked and felt radicalised (what does that even mean?) I found this twitter thread which was basically like these are all the terrible things that can happen and here is how we stop them and at first I felt SO SCARED because there’s NO WAY we can actually organise mass strikes at this scale!!!! We have never had to organise at this scale before, I panicked and got really scared and went on a rant about how we have to use existing structures to fix things because we don’t have the time or resources to organise at this scale but like. I now think we actually do, I found this resource for organising strikes globally from 20TH TO 27TH SEPTEMBER and like, we have the Internet and we have a month to plan and prepare and if you are able to strike you absolutely should !!!!!! There are people smarter than me speaking to the urgency of this, I’m just having some feelings and writing this on my phone notes, but like. Read about strikes in your area. If there aren’t any, find resources to help organise one. Text your friends your colleagues your family whatsapp group the people you went to school with, spread the word and organise how you will sustain your community in that time

As a side note after I went on panic rants all over my social media I think I realised that terrifying people into frenzied action won’t work because it’ll often just scare them into inaction (that’s what it did to me) and I felt better only once I found that resource for actual organisation, the mass general strike felt like an impossible project until I found out it’s already being planned. So like, don’t be helplessly scared, we have multiple years to fix things, and I think this is important: REMEMBER TO BE ALIVE AND HERE AND BREATHING, it’s important to actually feel the absolute miracle that is consciousness otherwise all of the saving the world will have been for nothing. Take photos of your friends and give hugs to your pets and get drunk and go dancing and remember that what matters is that feeling of being so achingly alive and aware of your existence in the world when you look at the sky and feel dizzy with how small you are and how yet the whole universe is inside of your brain, remember to breathe and feel glorious and loud and bright and reckless.

On that note, I was having a hard time giving a shit about much but I copped on a bit after I talked to my friend Naoise Dolan (buy her book it is out soon !!!) I felt like calmer and more like I was allowed to enjoy things and write things (that’s why I finally pulled it together enough to do this) and so I LISTENED TO THE NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM ON REPEAT and I’ve decided I love it, here is my ranking of all its songs from worst to best, I have so many thoughts, the lyrics are golden, I’m so happy to be alive in the world at a time we can make things better and listen to music like this that’s tailor made (sorry) for us to forget about any guilt we may feel from bopping to boardroom produced songs about corporate feminism

18. Miss Americana and whoever the fuck

Idk what this obsession is with high school motifs (shout out Mike Dolan for pointing this out) like it’s just weird for a 29 yr old to use school as a metaphor for her love life. The “you win stupid prizes” bit sounds nice though. It’s like a low-key creepy obsessive song like why is she doing that funny voice? Is it meant to sound vaguely haunted? What’s going on

I’m also just tired of “America” (the white kind) as a cultural construct and it being used as an expression of identity in popular culture like we get it you built a nationalism out of “gas stations” and “hallways” and “whatever” but you’re still racist, Stop. Like it’s just an inherently violent construct and nobody white is reckoning with it responsibly so at least maybe stop romanticising it or just shut up. Heck yea I’m reading too much into this. I do what I want

17. You Need to Calm Down

This song is bad. It’s so bad. The lyrics are pointless, the ohoHHHH is annoying, her voice is irritating, it’s also just gross and patronising and tries to do twelve things at once (are we leading a parade to pat ourselves on the back for telling homophobes to “take several seats” or are we saying we “all have crowns” wtv that means?)

This song is actually just gross and it doesnt even SOUND GOOD

16. ME

It’s less problematic than you need to calm down and that’s the only reason it’s slightly less bad. It’s a garbage song idk why it exists i’m so mad at it

15. Paper rings

IM SORRY tHe mOoN is HIGH like your friends were the night that we first met I’m sorry WHAT miss swift we get it you have been near drugs, Jesus CHRIST this song is a juvenile childish self important mess. The lyrics r awful and her voice is sneaky and weird and she does weird noises and the chorus is dumb like the “uhuh that’s right” makes me want to give CHITTAR. Also she says darling WAY too much in this album like we get it you’re dating a Brit. It’s not The Worst song because if you pay zero attention to the lyrics or her voice it’s kind of fine sounding? It’s so bad tho lol, I remember when she wrote Mine and the video came out I was like wow wild this is weird and adult and why are you pregnant but this one is even MORE weird. I also HATE every time she says dreary mondays and “baby boy” (GROSS) and I hate that she keeps repeating it lol. The I hate accidents line is kind of fine

14. I forgot that you existed

I hate the lyrics and I hate the premise (we get it you’re indifferent that’s why you wrote a whole song about it) BUT it’s such a bop, it’s very /this feels like a perfect night to make fun of our exes/ vibes and I would be LYING if I said I didn’t enjoy that. Yes we exists

We are pretending her fake laughter and starting to talk in the middle of songs things isn’t real though. It wasn’t cute in we are never ever etc and isn’t cute now

13. I think he knows

I love the 16th avenue bit, it fills me with giddy happiness, the rest of the song is shit, and also lazy. Also stop being obsessed with being 17, it was weird in starlight and is weird now

The bridge is also sort of nice but not nice enough to redeem the rest of it

12. London Boy

Im sorry I promise I know this song is bad. It is bad. I hope it’s ironic? But it’s bad. It’s a weird colonialism complex fetishisation of posh brit whiteness and its even more gross when it’s like “btw IM american, DOUBLE whiteness”, it’s icky and bad. It is a bad song. I apologise for enjoying it and I promise I am ashamed but also u know what, if you ignore the lyrics entirely and pretend you’re 15 and un-enlightened about the violence inherent to the fetishisation of an english identity……….maybe a fun tune. I know. I know. I am sorry. I promise I enjoy it only ironically

11. The man

Corporate white lady feminism? With the word HUSTLE in it? In this economy? Yes obviously

The lyrics are a bit ehhhh but some of them are quite clever and I think she’s quite honest in this song in a rare sort of way without trying to exaggerate it for shock value and it’s a very like, this is my life, here you go, sort of tune, it doesn’t do anything for women’s rights but I think it sounds nice and is probably fun to dance to, and “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man” and “if I were a man, I’d be the man” are fUN lines !!! Idk how wild this comparison is but like, I feel this song is trying to deal with similar things as I know places (a very privileged rant, if you will, without much self awareness) but I think The Man does it better because it’s less self important and has less ambition about it solving or expressing the world’s worst problems.

10. False God

Ok, so, what is it with the religious motifs in this album, i don’t get it, though it kinda works a lot in this song? I wanted to rank this higher but after a few listens it got slightly grating, the beginning is a bit unecessary too? Like it’s trying to create this weirdly artificial aura of glamour and sophistication, it’s quite an unnerving and haunting song and I quite like that about it and it makes me a bit surprised and startled. This thing she’s doing with like slow, building, repeating tunes i think has worked the best in this song (we might just, get away with this, religion’s in your lips e-,ven if its a False gOd) also, THE ALTAR’S IN MY HIPS, OOF, the chorus does the trick honestly and i love when she’s like slightly laughing but in a wry sort of way. Love it tbh, something about it just makes me a bit stressed though and not in an intentional way (i think)

9. It’s Nice To Have a Friend

Miss taylor who gave you the RIGHT, to shove your hand into my chest and grab my heart and step all over it. I love it and it makes me cry and it’s so soft and sweet. Zero complaints abt it it’s a beautiful song. There r just MULTIPLE EXTREMELY GOOD SONGS that’s why it’s not like my absolute fav and im confused too as to why it’s so low but like. Idk. it is a very soft and sweet song. I love it. If anything maybe it’s a bit uncreative n lazy but i think that’s slightly on purpose so doesn’t rlly constitute a criticism

8. Death by a thousand cuts

I like this song a lot a lot. The lyrics are SO GOOD IM SO HAPPY SHES DOING GOOD LYRICS AGAIN. I love the “one for the agEs” line and i’m generally a slut for any mention of chandeliers in music or poetry (dont ask), her voice is delicate but proud and wild and i’m a fan, honestly, cannot wait to bop to this. The My my my bit is annoying tho

7. The archer

I HATE the bit where she says CoMbAt but otherwise this song is soft and lovely and gentle and I love it !!!!! I love the lyrics and I love her gentle restraint of how she slowly unfurls them and then let’s go in “help me hold onto you”, there is such a commanding frankness to it, it’s an ask for collaboration, an ask for honesty, an ask for I want to do this with you

I think it’s one of the strongest tracks lyrically and she also shows like great skill vocally which has been annoyingly missing from so much of what she’s recently produced. I feel like there’s a bunch of annoying stylistic choices (the they see right thru me bit is grating) but like the song overall is lovely, I think you can feel in her voice she knows she’s created something good and it’s not the usually insufferable IM A GENIUS vibe. WHO COULD EVER LEAVE ME DARLING, BUT WHO COULD STAY !!!

6. Soon you’ll get better

Made me cry. We’re not talking about this one

5. Lover

This song is soft loving, slow whispers, careful realisations that you can build a life with whatever you like and love will save everything, I love it, I love it I love it I love it, “can I go where you go?” moves me to tEARS it is such a soft and gentle expression of care, it is such a kindness, it’s such surrendering, such reckless care, I love it so much, it’s so hopeful and also sure, it’s so frightful but also unafraid. I think this is one of Taylor’s most earnest songs ever and it does the thing of combining that earnestness with brazen daring that doesn’t turn into embarrassment only because she commands her lyrics with such certainty, and that’s rare and often I think that daring has ended badly for her (LOL most of reputation) but here it’s done so beautifully and w so much happiness and LOVE, this song is truly just a beautiful lil piece of art with so much happiness dripping thru it

4. Cornelia Street

This song. This SONG. It builds up so beautifully with this ever so slightly hesitant fascination with its own emotions, i’m so obsessed with it, the lyrics are lovely and perfect, i was expecting it to feel slightly forced and oddly specific because wtf is a cornelia street anyway, but it WORKS. I think it wants me to think of like a glowy streetlighty street and it DOES THAT, “filling in the blanks as we gooooo” sounds so gorgeous and does that thing with her voice which literally is just showing off that Yes She Does Know How To Sing and it’s so certain and sure and restrained and open and bare (again in “i thought you were leading me onnnnn”). Also, “the city screams your name” should be a tired cliche but its just an excited expression of abandon im,, in love. The song is so shaky and uncertain but completely confident and relaxed at the same time and it FEELS EXACTLY LIKE COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING IN LOVE AND WANTING IT TO LAST FOREVER, also like, when did she learn how to write good bridges again because yEs

3. Daylight

Solely for the lines “i’ll tell you the truth, but never goodbye // i don’t want to look at anything else now that i saw you” she deserves a grammy it actually pierces my emotions and makes me want 2 explode, this song is sooooo lovely and it has the vibe that makes me feel like i’ve already heard it years ago (but maybe thats because ive had the album on repeat 2 days straight) but it’s just,,, very good and it feels like sunset and glitter and i think is a perfect ending to a great album i love how it builds intensity and then strips it down and just,,, love it.

2. Afterglow

This is i think, one of the most beautiful things this woman has ever produced, one of the loveliest and most powerful songs ever made, i love it so very much. She finally learnt how to do autotune properly lol, this song is like, a crescendo of emotion, everything is falling down around it and it’s like a little haven of bare, frank honesty and complete surrender, of complete vulnerability, the whole song sounds like an act of care and an act of expressing pure emotion, it’s so gorgeous. It moves so softly and doubles in on itself and she’s sorry and sad but so proud of this love and so certain of its importance, “i’m the one who burnt us down”, it’s such a zooming in on a very specific emotion and it’s done so well, i love it

1. Cruel summer

I LOVE THIS SONG. I LOVE THIS SONG. The lyrics are flighty and exciting and shivery, WHAT DOESNT KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE- plug that shit into my VEINS. This song makes me feel like it’s 2015 and nothing is real yet and I’m living inside a YA novel and my biggest problem is my crush being mean to me and I’m RELISHING in that freedom and indulging every last drop of emotion because being alive and paying attention to it is incredible and Extremely Cool Actually (I DONT WANT TO KEEP SECRETS JUST TO KEEP YOU, dead right gal)

That said. Organise for the climate strike. Read up on what’s going on so you can answer questions in your family whatsapp group. Field those conversation, DO THAT EMOTIONAL LABOUR (again, what even), spread the word. But take care of yourself !!!! Listen to Taylor swift and remember that we are an absolute joke of a species, we went to the MOON, we can do this, I love you

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sambashua · 7 years

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92 questions/random questions/8 things tag~

hello friends !!! i’ve done the first two tags before but it’s been quite a while so ?? let’s see if i can come up w new responses i guess?? also these all have similar-ish questions so i thought i’d combine them so i don’t clog up everyone’s dashes~

tagged by (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ(ilya so dang much my favorite muffins)

92 questions: mariel! @jaehyunscult kelby! @yooncheoly and claudia! @s-lay-ing

random questions: kolbo! @yooncheoly ommo! @strawberryboo and cloodoo! @s-lay-ing

eight things: em! @seoulscapes mj! @jungnoir and kat! @atshinee

i’m going to tag @everyonesabiaswrecker @hoshi-ssi @king-hao @moonhyook @taeismyking @honestlay @yoonsunha @amessence @kylamassie1 @peachesandkili and also the beans who tagged me above!! you can do one of the ones you didn’t tag me in hehe(≧◡≦)

you guys can choose whichever tags you want!! or all of them ? idk it’s basically either long, easy or creative so whatever you feel like doing… or do none of them!! that works too! if you don’t want to be tagged just let me knowwww also you rlly don’t have to read this whole thing it is so damn long… but w/o further ado…

92 questions

the last…

1. drink: water

2. phone call: my grandma !

3. text message: “THEBOP OF THE SUMMER” (sic)

4. song you listened to: ‘love paint (every afternoon)’ by NU’EST started playing before i got out of the car last night… WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED I WATCHED MX’S NEWTON THIS MORNING OH MY GOD THE BOP OF THE SUMMER THAT’S WHAT THE TEXT WAS ABT BTW

5. time you cried: hmmmm not monsta x surprisingly ? but we have some rlly spicy food in LA and @everyonesabiaswrecker @taeismyking and i had to hide our eyes from the waiter lol

have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nooo (as i said last time i’ve never dated so these are all no’s so you can skip around a bit i suppose)

7. been cheated on: nooo

8. kissed someone and regretted it: nooo

9. lost someone special: yea

10. been depressed: nope

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: drinking makes ya do bad stuff kids

list three favorite colors (12-15)…

grey, light blue nd light green !

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yeAH SO MANY! irl and online i’m so thankful for everyone i’ve met~~ since i started uni i was rlly nervous abt meeting people and although i have one (1) new friend irl (shoutout to my main main main kat @atshinee literally where would i be w/o you i probably woulda gotten stuck at camp bc of the hail storm) i’ve met countless lovely individuals online that i am forever grateful for;;; now i’m being all sappy someoNE STOP ME

16. fallen out of love: nooo

17. laughed until you cried: almost everyday~~

18. found out someone was talking about you: oh yea

19. met someone who changed you: YES

20. found out who your true friends are: yeah!

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: nooooooooooooooope

general stuff

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: idk like probably actually 80% but they’re not people i talk to now ? (kat still yells at me abt my answer last time)

23. do you have any pets: I GOT TWO CATS TOM TOM AND MYSTERY THEY ARE ADORABLE BEANS ND I LIKE TO BRAG ABT THEM SO ASK ME FOR PICS

24. do you want to change your name: i like my name a lot tbh (there’s so many endless nickname possibilities honestly)

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i got gelato w two of my closest frandssss and also listened to nct dream like the whole day it was the best

26. what time did you wake up: um m m i think 9? yesterday i went to bed at 3:30 and woke up at 7:30 so i slept in more today lol

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: trying to read a soonhoon fic from eep and messaging ivy:D

28. name something you cannot wait for: uM IDK EVERYTHING I WAS WAITING FOR ALREADY HAPPENED i guess just moving back to school and starting classes??? i’m so anxious ugh

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: 4 ? hours ago ?

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: um idk i think i’m pretty blessed to be completely honest

31. what are you listening to right now: there’s construction going on in the distance idk what they’re doing but it is LOUD

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: i’m so shook people haven’t talked to any toms i’ve met so many i don’t undeRSTAND

33. something that is getting on your nerves: ignorance *finger guns*

34. most visited website: tumblr (i haven’t been on youtube much lately cry)

35. elementary school: yeahhh

36. high school: yeahhh

37. college: yeahhh

38. hair color: blonde

39. long or short hair: it’s so long rn i’m constantly choking on it

40. do you have a crush on someone: crushes are for noobs

41. what do you like about yourself: “everything, love yourself.” -kat

42. piercings: ears but i never wear them

43. blood type: idk my parents are both AB so my mom says we’re that too but mom that’s not how genetics work

44. nickname: i have so many but my most common one is mir~ i answer to anything tho

45. relationship status: engaged to jeon wonwoo

46. zodiac sign: cancer~

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite tv show: game of thrones or below deck (watch it it’s a reality show abt a yacht crew it’s so entertaining)

49. tattoos: nope i’m too indecisive

50. righty or lefty: right

first…

51. surgery: i had surgery junior year of high school

52. piercing: did they not already ask this oh jk this is first well i still only have ears

53. best friend: in the womb bitchhh (-8 months would be the official age)

54. sport: i think karate ? my dad is super sporty tho so sister and i tried every sport known to man

55. vacation: probably washington bc i have a lot of family there

56. pair of sneakers: literally who knows this tho

right now…

57. eating: nothing

58. drinking: now i’m drinking tea

59. i’m about to: eat a bagel maybe

60. listening to: good luck by aoa (yessss my girls)

61. waiting for: jordyn to get off work so i can see her new dorm:D

62. do you want kids: i always have

63. do you want to get married: i don’t really know marriage seems so outdated…

64: what career do you want: journalist (yay)

which is better…

65. hugs or kisses: hugs!

66. lips or eyes: eyes!

67. shorter or taller: i don’t have much preference but i’m tall and i like being tall

68. older or younger: i don’t really care bc some older people are really immature and some younger people are really mature so~

70. nice arms or nice stomach: i really really don’t care

71. sensitive or loud: these honestly aren’t even antonyms

72. hook up or relationship: relationship

73. troublemaker or hesitant: i’ve never been a troublemaker so ?

have you ever…

74. kissed a stranger: nooo

75. drank hard liquor: neh ?

76. lost glasses/lenses: i have above average vision boiiiii

77. turned someone down: i mean;;;; i think most people have at least indirectly

78. had sex on the first date: nooo

79. broken someone’s heart: i really doubt it lol

80. had your heart broken: jeon wonwoo breaks my heart daily

81. been arrested: nooo

82. cried when someone died: yeahh

83. fallen for a friend: no

do you believe in…

84. yourself: YEAH I GOT THIS! YOU GOT THIS! WE ALL GOT THIS!

85. miracles: maybe ?

86. love at first sight: not even a little bit

87. santa claus:

LOOK AT SOONYOUNG I’M LAUGHING

88. kiss on the first date: i mean i don’t see why not

89. angels: maybe ?

other…

90. current best friends name: sister n em n kat n cass n jords n val :3

91. eye color: grey ish

92. favorite movie: the proposal was my favorite movie for so long;;; i liked moonlight a lot too go see it

random questions

dude i fucking forgot abt this one i thought i was done fuck (why is this font so tiny)

relationship status: single for 19 years bishhhhhhhh favorite color: grey!! but i’ve been feelin orange lately hmmmm lipstick or chapstick: i like tinted lip balm:) but i even use vaseline sometimes try it okay it makes yo lips so soft last song you listened to: well i already said so i’ll do what’s stuck in my head rn: coffee by bts (it’s so good i get such calming vibes from it) last movie you watched: BABY DRIVER it was so ffffff good 100/10 would rec~ the car chases were so cool dude also ansel elgort is such a cutie top 3 characters: i’ll as april ludgate from parks n rec (are you happy jords), celaena from throne of glass, ndddd risa koizumi from lovcom:) top 3 ships: jejun ! soonwoo ! MARKHYUCK(ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ books you are currently reading: rnnnn i’m STILL reading heir of fire (don’t worry cass i will finish it in time) top 5 musicals: mulan is endlessly iconic okay, hsm, phantom of the opera, the sound of music nd mama mia !

eight things

last movie watched: baby driver hoo hoo last song listened to: me gustas tu bitchhhhh last book read: Crown of Midnight still oops sorry cass i’m so damn slow these days last thing eaten: fig newtons (buy newton by monsta x on itunes) if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be: wherever @atshinee is because i want to support her for her test but i know i would probably just distract her:(((((( a fictional character you would hang out with for the day: probably dorian from throne of glass bc he just seems like such a lovable dork i want to give him a big ole hug he needs it what fictional world/universe would you want to spend a week in: i used to be obsessed w the series Gregor the Overlander as a kid and i’d really want to spend a day there that would be so awesome esp the one where they travel through the one rainforest jungle… but also Harry Potter bc i rlly want to go to hogwarts and just;;; look around? it’s so pretty and i want to see all the paintings and staircases and the people it’d be great last video game played: i’ve never rlly played video games… i used to play the sims does that count rip

well it’s finally frickin done i doubt anyone bared w me for this trainwreck…….. i’m so tired now will i even do more of these today jk i gotta i am so behind but no selfie tags i look trash

#tagged #bye #this was so long #time to sleep #jk #i'm not that tired #just ded #thank you guys for tagging me!!!#i think that was everyone???#some of those are a bit old rip #who even read this like wow that's dedication #it's like;;; not even rly funny either so rip #only do this if you want to ofc!!#cries bc the random qs was the first tag jen bean tagged me in:(((#mir moos

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salzspektrum · 7 years

Text

✨ 92 Statements ✨

I was tagged by @nightsky7ibra, thanks Lara my gurl <3

RULES: You must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

THE LAST:

1. Drink: peach ice tea, my main hoe (yes I do have shitty teeth btw)

2. Phone call: my mom called me last night and I missed it lol

3. Text message: “a good boi, a loveable boi” (referring to Lara’s cat in a group chat with her)

4. Song you listened to: “Greedy” by Ariana Grande (shouldn’t this change by the end of the post-writing process tho?? since it’s about the last song??)

5. Time you cried: idk?? Surprisingly I didn’t cry at all this week so I probably cried last week or something, I cry a lot ask my roommate

6. Dated someone twice: dating? who is she? idk her

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I only kissed @immortalpsychocat so far and I don’t regret it *wink*

8. Been cheated on: didn’t happen bc I don’t date

9. Lost someone special: well if this is referring to death then thankfully I didn’t have to experience the death of someone I love, but if this just generally means ‘loss’ then I did lose my best friend like 3/4 years ago idk anymore tbh, but soon after that I befriended @immortalpsychocat so everything’s fine now

10. Been depressed: it’s called depression sharon and the answer is ‘today’

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: march 4th (my cousin’s birthday party, it was the 3rd time I was drunk and the 2nd time I threw up bc of that lol, I didn’t get drunk since then)

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12.-14. blue, green, purple (all shades of these colors)

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yes! Some people from university, some on tumblr and my most recently made friend is Lara actually

16. Fallen out of love: for that I’d have to actually have been in love with anyone in the first place so the answer is no

17. Laughed until you cried: today when I watched Dan and Phil’s latest sims video lol

18. Found out someone was talking about you: well there was only one person who blogged about me some months ago but they probably stopped doing that lol

19. Met someone who changed you: hmmm I don’t think so tbh

20. Found out who your friends are: yep, they are good eggs

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: well the only person that I kissed is on my facebook friend list so yes

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t have many facebook friends so most of my facebook friends I know from real life (also I kinda hate facebook and use it like once a month for 5 minutes lmao)

23. Do you have any pets: sadly no but catch me getting a dog and a lizard as soon as I’m financially stable

24. Do you want to change your name: I used to want to do that bc people are too dumb to pronounce it properly after I told them how to pronounce it but now I’m fine with it

25. What did you do for your last birthday: literally nothing

26. What time did you wake up: okay look;;;

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching my brother sending nsfw fanart to my best friend bc they were having a Troll War, once again, it ended with them teaming up against me bc I snaked on her so they both snaked on me

28. Name something you can’t wait for: “The Winds of Winter is the forthcoming sixth novel in the epic fantasy series A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin.Martin believes the last two volumes of the series will be big books of 1,500+ manuscript pages each.[1] They will take readers farther north than any of the previous books, and the Others will appear in The Winds of Winter.[2]Martin has refrained from making hard estimates for The Winds of Winter's final release date.[3] In 2014, estimates based on extrapolation of Martin's writing pace predicted the release date sometime between 2015 and 2018.[4][5] In January 2016, Martin confirmed that he had not met a deadline of October 2015 and an end-of-year deadline that he had established with his publisher.[6] In January 2017, Martin announced that he believed that The Winds of Winter will be released "this year", referring to 2017. However, he also noted that he believed the same thing would occur the previous year.” (source)

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: an hour ago

31. What are you listening to right now: “Scream” by Troy Bolton, Highschool Musical 3 Soundtrack ( don’t fucking judge)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I don’t think so

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: L O L

34. Most visited website: youtube,then tumblr

35.-37. “Lost Questions??? (I’m just talking this over exactly as I found it, I also noticed some numbers missing, for example number 30, but idk man lol)” a fitting direct quote from Lara

38. Hair colour: black with some disgusting red streaks bc the hair stylist didn’t cover my entire hair when she dyed it from frikkin red to black

39. Long or short hair: my hair is currently at boob-length

40. Do you have a crush on someone: lol nope

41. What do you like about yourself: I like my eyes, kinda my eyebrow shape, my figure (except that I don’t like that my arms look like noodles), I like my silly humor, my loyalty to my friends and my enthusiasm for the little things

42. Piercings: [file not found]

43. Blood type: I think O- (yeah I’m kinda fucked with this one)

44. Nickname: Jos, Josi, Josuf, etc.

45. Relationship status: single

46. Zodiac: libra

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favorite TV show: game of thrones, sadly

49. Tattoos: none, sadly (yet)

50. Right or left handed: left-handed

51. Surgery: once bc I had a cyst and they had to surgically get that shit out of my mouth (it was somewehre in my jaw idk)

52. Piercing: bruh why are you repeating yourself?

53. Sport: lol exercise?? a healthy lifestyle?? what is that??? but if I had to do something regularly it would probably be swimming, tennis or volleyball bc I actually enjoy these activities

55. Vacation: last vacation would be croatia (dubrovnik, specifically), 2 years ago. next vacation will be crete (panormo, specifically) in august and I’M EXCITED BC I WILL BE TAKING MY FIRST FLIGHT SOMEWHERE JESUS FUCK (where did 54 go)

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: my mom’s a cook so you can imagine it’s good stuff

58. Drinking: usually non-alcoholic drinks since I don’t really fuck with alcohol if I don’t wanna get drunk (since I don’t really like the taste) soo it’s ice tea or water

59. I’m about to: watch highschool musical 3 after I finish this post lol

61. Waiting for: happiness (wow this got depressing real fast) where’s 60

62. Want: [see answer for question 61] oh and money

63. Get married: maybe idk, depends on if I will really want that in my future and also depends on my partner. if it ends up being a woman and austria doesn’t have same-sex marriage until then, well...but atm idek if I want ANY of that stuff tbh, I’m currently figuring out my sexuality and I’m c o n f u s e d

64. Career: something in the field of sociology, whatever the fuck that’s gonna be. My dream would be working for an NGO, maybe write some books maybe I will become a famous sociologist and people will learn about me lmaooo

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: my only kisses so far were drunken pecks so hugs

66. Lips or eyes: eyes 100%

67. Shorter or taller: I don’t have a preference (same goes for my aesthetic attraction to men and women ajajajajajaj)

68. Older or younger: how about people my age, I don’t really wanna be surrounded by kids and old people all the time tbh (I don’t wanna be surrounded by people in the first place but you know what I mean)

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: it’s just fucken body parts my dude did you purposefully leave out 69 so that I can’t make a kinky joke

72. Hook up or relationship: atm? neither. in general probably relationship. but idk if i actually want any of that ever idkkkkk

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: the most hesitant to ever hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: no

75. Drank hard liquor: if I choose to drink, I drink the hard stuff bc I wanna get drunk

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: hmm no I don’t think so

77. Turned someone down: does not-going-to-one-of-his-plays-even-tho-he-invited-me-bc-i’m-not-really-interested-in-him count?

78. Sex on the first date: idk if I want sex or dates or both i d k f a m

79. Broken someone’s heart: lol idk how much the actor dude likes me so maybe

80. Had your heart broken: romantically? no. by someone who used to be my best friend? yes

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: as I said, I didn’t have to experience something like that in my personal life but I did cry when carrie fisher died :(

83. Fallen for a friend: nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Hah most of the times no, sometimes I do

85. Miracles: I truly don’t know, maybe

86. Love at first sight: no

87. Santa Claus: WHAT SANTA ISN’T REAL??????????

88. Kiss on the first date: hey man you do you, I don’t care

89. Angels: maybe idk

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: Victoria/Vicky, also known as Fake Hoe

91. Eye colour: green-grey-something

92. Favourite movie: Wonder Woman (2017) dir. Patty Jenkins

why exactly 92 questions tho??

Tagging: @immortalpsychocat @metaforkel @carriestreep @stupida-in-arte @starklinqs @bisexuallaurellance @patethenovice @ripley-stark @frogspears @fiftyshadesofnygma @britanniafork @littletinygothamite @winter-came @alius-alia @okayprincess @red-candy-rocks @clexasbellarke @accidentalkate @gaymickrory @hetpiglet

#none of you have to do it obviously #this is insanely long lol #i did it now bc i was kinda bored and now i'm gonna watch hsm3 bye fam :)#i'm basically tagging people that i know from real life/from group chats/or just who are some of my fave mututals #so if u got tagged feel honored or something lol #long post #shut up jos #tag thingy #lol @mututals #i meant mutuals obvs

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hencethebravery · 7 years

Note

If you're interested I'd love some fic commentary for Alive.

Oh, yes, very much so. btw, sorry to take so long answering this. I was far and away this weekend. If you’d like to read “Alive,” without my obnoxious commentary you can do so here. xo

I’m (still) doing author commentary!

One day, I plan to love so loudly, my body abandons every demon harvesting me. — Arati Warrier, “Alive”

A/N: I didn’t mean for this to happen, but this fic turned into an exploration of trauma and anxiety. The Killian in this soon-to-be universe ended up being a war veteran with OCD and illogical, rampaging thoughts and I ended up choosing the poem after the fact.

It’s a tricky thing. Once you’ve known the taste of someone’s lips and found it to be a far more momentous occasion than you had initially anticipated. Beforehand, one might think you’ll only know it the one time, and the odds of it happening again are unlikely, so… you do it, aye? Curious. How do you not do it again? That’s the question, isn’t it? Especially if it was a little bit unexpected, let’s say—it had failed to show up on the calendar for the month of June, and now the rest of your life is totally fucked to hell.

It’s not possible that anyone else’s lips could throw such a wrench into his schedule. Not even much of one, to be fair. Working freelance as he did, odd hours and odd jobs, one unexpected, life-altering kiss does not a fucked up schedule make. If anything, there was an added flair to his rather mundane existence that hadn’t been there earlier. Spike the coffee, eat an egg, walk the dog, kiss your mate, do the shopping—and what was that last thing?

You: “What was the what thing?”

Your Brother: “Kiss your who?”

Doesn’t matter. Point is, when you’re talking to your brother about sharing an all too brief kiss with the bloke you once rode the bus with, you try and keep it casual. After all, Liam Jones has no reason to know that you’ve circled June the 5th in an expensive black ink that’s bled through the page—all the way through to August, in fact, when there’s supposed to be a boat trip scheduled for the whole lot of you, and you have to ask yourself, “How do you not do it again?”

A/N: I’m really excited, because I’m in the middle of writing a tiny prequel to this fic (quite by accident), and having the opportunity to provide commentary on this is super helpful. Anyway, a lot of the anxiety and OCD-esque thoughts seen here often show up in my own brain, which is why they show up here. Sometimes if my schedule gets disrupted, even a little bit, it’ll ruin the rest of the week or the month or the year or whatever, so I ended up relying on the whole “schedule” thing a few times. Making it vaguely humorous is the only way to deal, hence, Killian treating his own coping strategies as objectively silly is a common enough mechanism.

The answer to that question is that you bloody well don’t. You keep that tongue of yours firmly ensconced inside your own mouth unless you’re shouting down bar maids or showing up your know-it-all brother at trivia night. You manage to live your life for a whole two months without screwing anything up. Well done, you.

You manage to abide by the calendar you’ve kept since naval training—the calendar that, for all intents and purposes, saved your life once upon a time. Being the roughed up, dramatic younger brother had its perks, but in the end, rampant alcoholism, a suspicious rash, and a series of exceptionally burned bridges had taught him the benefits of following a careful schedule. It hasn’t managed to buff out all the sharp corners; rum tastes too sweet and his memory is a little too good, but no price is too high when you’re trying to avoid the odd skin allergy. Which is what it was.

Regardless, August arrives and it’s hotter than the East Coast has any right to be. He’s quite confident in his assertions that even Afghanistan wasn’t this hot, and considering the fact that Afghanistan was actually hell, he’s not sure what to make of the temper tantrum that the state of Maine seems to be currently throwing.

“Just last week you were complaining about how cold it was,” comes David’s muffled voice from below deck, “enjoy it.”

David Nolan is of an optimism so profound it’s certain not to be believed. The man has thought exceedingly well of almost everyone and everything in their lives since they were children, which, to Killian’s mind, can only end badly. He’s not written it down, but it has been inscribed within the gelatinous valleys of his brain somewhere, this unspoken responsibility—don’t let it ruin him. Having people like David Nolan in the world is a very important thing, and the only way to keep them around is to have people like Killian picking up the pessimistic slack.

A/N: Killian as a black sheep has become a common trope in a lot of my OUAT fic where he makes an appearance. I love his brash selfishness in contrast with the “Charming” family’s own tendency to be selfless. I love that he probably sees it as his responsibility to use his darker impulses to help those people who have managed to retain their own lighter impulses. God. I love him so much.

“It’s my boat, mate,” Killian shouts down the hatch, “I’ll complain where I like.”

On the side of his monthly calendars there’s a designated “Notes” section, set aside for various odds and ends. He’s been known to put some poetry there on occasion, either verses he’s written or found, a phone number or two, an exceptional cocktail, what have you. For the month of August there’s a sailboat at the top (nothing too fancy), followed by wave, after wave, after wave, and then, down at the bottom, there’s a capsized sailboat. Hence, pessimism.

The heat is physically uncomfortable, to be sure, but it’s also demanding. For example, it demands that two men working on a boat out in the hot sun remove some of their clothing in order to avoid fainting or otherwise feeling ill in such unreasonable weather. This, however, requires him to confront the somewhat uncomfortable question of how he avoids doing the thing he had done only the once—with no intention of repeating said thing. His calendar said so.

A/N: @phiralovesloki loves “His calendar said so,” and I love her because she loves it so much. It’s like an endless cycle of love.

David Nolan in a t-shirt is not unlike David Nolan wearing nothing at all. If anything, it might be worse. Without the shirt, it’s almost as if he’s existing in a moment of unreality, wherein there’s nothing especially remarkable about that chest over there other than the fact that it is one. He’s got one of those too—if anything, his is better, covered in a masculine dusting of hair as it is. David’s white t-shirt looks like it’s been run through the wash a couple hundred times. There are barely-there tears at the sleeves and around the collar. Today it is stained with sweat beneath his arms and lower back.

A/N: Josh and Colin are two of the most aesthetically pleasing humans I have been #blessed to witness. I know this seems kind of like a female Gaze moment, but whatever, we deserve it. Women get “Gazed” at everyday of our lives, so it’s only fair that I write a poetical fanfiction wherein I get to think about two handsome men on a boat in tight, ratty t-shirts. Leave me alone.

The heat is overwhelming, like the desert, only there’s a wetness in the air that makes it harder to breathe. For a moment, he misses the feeling of having a gun in his hand so he grabs a beer from the cooler and holds it against his neck, his pulse tapping against the glass like machine gun fire. Interrupt.

A/N: To use the word “interrupt” in the middle of obsessive thoughts is something my therapist taught me. The more you know.

“You see those clouds?”

David’s voice is soft at his side, his own mouth wrapped around the lip of a bottle and he has to say that no, he hadn’t even noticed. The poorly drawn “ship” sailing on the pages of his calendar starts to sink in the wake of poor weather and his heart aches—keeps beating quickly in his chest and he knows a panic attack when he feels one. Inconvenient things, they seem to be.

“Killian,” David says, apparently for the second time, and he puts a hand on his shoulder. Definitely not in the calendar.

Killian doesn’t much feel like answering. Killian wants to write about the sky in his notebook. Not any sky, mind you. This sky, because it’s somewhat of a nightmare to behold. Even with the boat tied to the dock and the sight of safe, dry land in the distance, the sky at this moment is a wild thing. Moments ago, the air smelled like salt and bubbling yeast. The sun was a large, imposing spotlight on the deck of his ship, making the wood warm, their skin sweat.

In June the air smells like earth. Certain parts of the farm are freshly turned at this time of year, and no matter where you go, it emanates over the property. Through the fields, over the lake, between the trees. Over hill, over dale, point made. June is new. They are, the both of them, new. When Killian kisses David, it’s because he can no longer bear it.

“The wanting.” Answering the question, what was it he could no longer bear? Because he was starving in his little house by the sea full of dry, winter air that had given him nosebleeds. It was probably all that dirt in the air—all those trees in bloom. All that pollen in his hair, the perpetually dirty state of his hands.

The answer is a little bit dramatic, but David seems to take it in stride, either because he’s known Killian for most of his life, or maybe because he understands, either way, he smiles. When David smiles it’s a thing you don’t need to see, and sure, you should, of course you should, but Killian is exceedingly grateful that in this moment, he doesn’t need to open his eyes.

A/N: When Josh Dallas smiles it is literally like looking into the sun. That’s what this is about.

It’s his gut that’s empty, not his gaze. He is, quite frankly, sick of opening his eyes. All he needs to do is feel it, and he knows that his friend “wants” too—just as frantically, as hungrily, as poetically. He plays the follow-up question in his head on a tortuous loop the next few days. He even writes it down so he can stare at the shape of the letters and hate himself even more than he already does.

“How is it you smell like that?”

Because it is something… indescribable. He can wax poetic on the state of the air in June all he likes, he has words on words on words to describe it, but all of a sudden, the smell of this man is the scent of which he cannot seem to describe. And he answers, “Like what?” and Killian can only answer with his mouth against his, because it’s not about the words suddenly—it’s about the breath. It’s about David’s forehead against his, their lips barely touching, and he answers with a kiss because he’s a fucking idiot.

August doesn’t smell new. It smells tired. Or maybe he’s just tired. Either way, the bright, overbearing sun is lost behind a sky of heavy, dark clouds and the man at his shoulder smells like beer and sweat. Like the moth-eaten blankets he had kept below deck all winter. The trees are gone but he can still feel the bark against the skin of his back.

“We’ve got to tie the lot of this down,” he answers suddenly. He had wanted to avoid the inevitability of turning around to face him, the tree at his back—with that concerned look on his face. Killian smiles, but it’s not like David’s in June. You’d have to see it, or you wouldn’t even know it was there. “She’ll be fine tied to the dock, but I don’t want to lose any of this gear.”

He’d savor the refreshing feeling of the breeze if there were any time for it, but they seem to have run out of it, and thankfully for him, David seems to have adopted a similar sense of urgency. Moving around deck as he is, his hands wrapped deftly around thick rope, one knot after another. The thunder continues on in the distance, unperturbed, and there’s a flash of lightening that leaves an echo across a purple sky.

There’s another crack followed by a second flash, and the sky opens. Despite the maddening anxiety he has contended with all day, there is something undeniably satisfying about knowing he was right about the “shirt on being worse” thing. David pauses in his run about the deck to enjoy the torrent of rain that’s been unleashed on the two of them, a loud yell of relief passing his lips, and Killian wonders what they taste like in August. At sea, in a storm—like salt? Like rain? Like the beer they’d been drinking earlier. Like dirt, like himself, lingering on his tongue for months.

When David dashes across the deck, clothes clinging to his form, every muscle carved beneath wet fabric as if he were a statue, Killian is busy trying to forget about the sinking ship in his calendar. He’s trying to remember what it was his therapist had said about “being in the moment,” and suddenly David’s lips don’t taste like June. They taste like August, in the rain. Wet and messy and just as hungry as before.

“Aren’t you sick of it,” David not quite shouts against his lips, the rain and wind lashing against the deck, “that ‘wanting?’” He’s smiling again, that wide, sunshine-smile that he has worn everyday of his life and Killian can see it out of the corner of his eye. In between the heavy, wet drops hanging from his lashes and the hair falling against his forehead—of course he can see it.

“Yes!” Killian shouts over yet another thunder clap, both of their faces turned towards a manic sky. “Bloody exhausted!”

A/N: For all my talk about Killian Jones being a black sheep he’s also a dramatic garbage human and someone needs to make fun of him sometimes. Re: David, calling out Killian’s Extra™ ass, mumbling about “wanting,” when it’s just a kiss and he needs to fucking relax.

The sound of the storm is softer below deck, as if it were a record playing in another room. The ship tugs on her moors but she’s steady, tied against the dock as she is. The only other sound is that of the air heaving in and out of their lungs, heavy with anticipation and adrenaline.

“You smell good too,” David admits between each, tired breath, “I’m sorry I made you wait.”

“Sometimes the waiting is the best part,” Killian answers gently, and there’s something in his tone, a note of understanding that he’s impressed to find he actually believes. “I’m good at waiting.”

As David moves closer he peels the wet t-shirt off his back and chuckles, shaking his head. “No, you’re really not.” The shirt falls with a decisive, wet splat against the ground, but Killian is too distracted by the return of David’s forehead, his hand against his neck. His fingernails are short and blunt against his skin, the scratch of an almost, but he feels his skin prickle all the same. Standing still in wet clothes, the warmth of the sun a fleeting memory, he knows he should feel cold but there’s this heat inside of him—flickering and alive.

A/N: Canon tells us that Killian Jones can wait, but does he do it well? idk about that. Dude turned Emma Swan into a ship for a year.

“If that’s the case,” he whispers, his own hands hovering at his sides, “what are you waiting for?”

The kiss is gentler this time, the shelter of the cabin urging slowness, carefulness. Here, they are beyond the reach of the whipping wind and stinging rain. The gaze of a seaside town, the towering pines. Their breath is softer, less like they’re running out of time, and there’s a drag between each pass of his lips. He feels as if he’s being savored and it’s not a thing that you deny yourself a second time.

“You should—” David’s voice is rough, like he hasn’t spoken in years and Killian’s pride does a little victory dance at the thought of its return, “You should change.”

Logically, Killian knows that David means “change clothes,” he knows this unequivocally. But he also has a tendency to err on the side of unnecessarily meaningful and he takes it to mean something else. Not in a negative way, he does not, by any means, feel that David wants him to be somebody else. This he also knows, unequivocally. What he also knows, what he has come to learn, is that his heart in its current state? It’s not sustainable. “You should change,” his heart speaks in David’s voice, “you need not want quite so much, when you can so easily have it.”

A/N: That was basically a long-winded way of saying that you should stop getting in your own way, which is usually my main problem.

He shivers at the sensation of cool air hitting his bare flesh, but there’s hardly a moment to feel uncomfortable. There’s David’s hand against the soft skin of his stomach, his fingers trailing through the fine hair beneath his belly button, and the warmth, it feels as if he’s slipping into a soaking tub. The rain continues it’s harsh pitter-pattering against the side of the boat as they move towards the small bed, clumsy step after clumsy step.

It smells like dust as they land, like the attic in the farmhouse, but the pile of blankets manages to catch them just fine. The cotton, washed one too many times, coming up to swallow their legs and shoulders, keeping them in a soft, dry place. He secures his own lips against David’s jaw, that sharp corner just beneath his ear and the moan that follows is more of a feeling than a sound—more of a sob than a gasp.

When he returns to his lips to catch yet another, quiet moan, it tastes even better than it had in June, then it had above deck moments earlier. Again, indescribable, and he feels a bit frustrated by the fact that words might fail him sometimes. After all, they do sit so well on his tongue, they feel manageable in a way that his thoughts don’t, that his heart doesn’t, and without them he worries that he’ll lose any sense of control he might have.

At some point the rain must stop, but it’s hard to notice, what with the hands and the lips and the feeling of his stomach as it moves against his own, in and out with every breath, sometimes quick and sometimes so slowly he’s worried that he’s holding it. At some point, in between the feeling of David’s lips against his rib cage and his hands at the button of his jeans, the sun very briefly returns before evening falls.

It’s his favorite time of day, those few moments before twilight. The rich, buttery light of the setting sun falls through the porthole over the bed, warming their entwined bodies atop the mussed blankets. The darkness behind Killian’s closed eyes turns a muted red color, and he can feel the warmth of the sun as it slowly sets against his skin, the fleeting light of day a gentle goodbye.

The water is calm against the boat, rocking them carefully back and forth, and his mind has never been quieter. The steady torture of a mind that refuses to settle, that must be shaken up and poured out over each and every month, everyday—that must be considered and thought over and applied and re-applied. Where no one means what they say, where he rarely means what he even says, but here, in this moment between sleeping and waking, it is blessedly silent.

He hears David mutter something against the back of his neck, and he knows, even without being able to see. He smiles.

A/N: I really hope that this fic was familiar to people who live with anxiety everyday, because it was certainly familiar to me as I was writing it. I know it’s also Captain Charming and CC is magical to be sure, but I still hope all the anxiety-related stuff was interesting for people.

#@hencethewriter #attn blogging #yayimallamaagain

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