#buoy just FLOWS a lot better :D

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Feferi: W)(at's wrong -Eridan? You've buoyely mansplained somet)(ing to me today. 38(

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW13

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Mendy

IN: Seamus Goalman

I will be WCing next week so one week punt is in. Just trying to limp thru this post-IB weekend.

Need to remove my one million percent ded guy in Mendy over my 99% ded guy in Dings so fuck me. For the record I think Everton's defense is fucking bad and I don't think they are good picks. However, in my case, for just the one off there is not much else out there. No home bankers for a top side so I was forced to look elsewhere.

I already have Dock and while Wolves chance at a clean may be marginally better than Everton's this gameweek, there is no one else as fun as Coleman in Wolves defense. Does feel nice to welcome back a fun old friend who I haven't hung out with in a long time. Get in there Seamus lad.

GK:

Alisson in what will prob be a farewell game for me. He's been fine but it does not seem that he's worth the 1m premium over the 4.5 guys so far so will probably look to shift down on WC next week. TBD, but in the meantime, at Watford is a bit of a tricky one. Not having such high hopes for a clean.

DEF:

Big time Irish camaraderie and locker room bantz with Coleman and The Dock backing up 66% of my defense this weekend. Both nice solid shouts for a clean sheet this weekend which would buoy me. Really need them to come in and feeling pretty okay about it......because my third defender is Wannybiz.

Bit of a bunch of fuck and am stuck with a rough fixture at OT. Hopefully he comes in with two points. Dire times as you can see.

MID:

Frayzuh also prob farewell game for me this weekend. Hoping to get a lucky return out of the no necker. Bournemouth just have too rough of a run to really want me to keep him even though I have a decent bit of value tied up in him. I'd rather roll the dice somewhere else.

Sticking on the double Livp mids of Mo and Mane. Really no clue what to expect out of that game but I've made my bed with Mane in last week so might as well give him the game before their Darb. Completely over the barrel thinking about whether or not to keep Mo on WC but that is a decision for another day. 

Finally, Haz is still in there. Seems to like to go against the Spuddypotatoes so meh idk whatever. He's great.

FWD:

Still have the same Arnie Kun combo since GW1.

As mentioned on last pod I am fairly terrified about Arnie with this pile up and I may bid him farewell on WC. Kun's fine.

Ings I am just throwing out there just in case he gets a late horse placenta injection and can make it. It is looking grim for him though from all news that's come out of there. Just don't want to hit in a striker in that price range (read: Rondon) for one week before WC. Such a low percentage of coming out ahead. Boo.

BENCH:

Billingz / Lee Peltz / :bulbasaur:

CAP:

I'm on Mo. Kun is fine but still don't think it's fine to cap a 70 minute guy. If their fixture was at home....I'd prob be on Kun. But as it stands, I will take my chances with Mo and a better shot at 90. I don't really have a strong feeling about it, but don't see any better option from my group. I think Raz is by far the best captaincy option this gameweek, and I'd cap him to fuck if I owned him, but I don't, so I can't. Big weekend for Mo here. Come on Mo.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Mendy

IN: Balsamic Vinagre

I’m typing this poolside still on my family vacation with frankly no fucking idea what’s going on in the prem.

This break I’m more checked out then ever but hey I still like Wolves defense! I was about to do Mendy to Bennett and keep it simple pimple control but friends on our Slack reminded me about Jonny’s death and the sexiness of Vinagre.

I was also debating going with either someone to rotate with Doherty in and out like a Bournemouth defender for nice rotation or even an Everton defender but meh... I’ll pass on that and in the future (maybe next week?) I’ll probably upgrade Gerry D massively to Raz or something like that and switch to a 3-4-3 so I won’t need to start someone in Doherty’s place for the bad fixtures.

Oil and Vinagre in - let’s fuck.

...Ooo just typing this is really getting my juices flowing it’s good to be back :)... Gonna miss almost 100% of the matches tomorrow (Saturday) but when I land back in New York at night I’ll download the Liverpool match and download MoTD and pull the blinds and get the lube and have a fucking night to myself. Gonna be great.

GK:

Flappy hands vs Man. City oh boy. Watching this one from between my fingers especially with no City attackers. Bad job by me. Fuck my dick. If Fab gets 0 points I’m honestly happy.

DEF:

Rolling out five boys this week because that’s soooo Alon and I just can’t help myself.

Double Wolves defenders straight the fuck in with both fullbacks Dock and Vinagre how fun is that??? Home Huddy and the best Vegas odds of any team to keep a clean sheet this weekend; that’s a big yes please from me.

The other three are the same immoveable pillars of my backline with VVD / VVDue and Alonsinho and Laporte. Three boys you never bench.

MID:

Haz is weird guy because the “tougher” the fixture you almost feel better about him in FPL? I can’t explain it but that’s how I feel... I see at Spurs and I’m like cool an easy 15 pointer let’s go.

Mo is Mo and ducks are ducks.

And Tony M. in the form of his life home to Palace yeah ok I’m in on that and Tony’s fixture run that seems good to me this pleases me a lot. Maybe Tony will be the sacrificial lineup lamb for Raz eventually but I duno seems bad when he just scores every fucking match. TBD... But for now he’s a good guy.

FWD:

Starting just two guys this week and benching Arnie for Vinagre. Controversial gut move and I’m rolling with it. Love Arnie to death and he’s obviously first on my bench but against City is just meh, what’s he gonna get, one shot? Two shots? Realistic ceiling of probably six points while Vinagre’s is higher with more shouts at bones and an equalish shout of attacking points, for me.

Callum is in there home to Arsecast... Arsenal have shown defensive improvement but I still feel like there’s a lot of room on counters and Xhaka will probably make at LEAST one horrific back pass when put under pressure so hopefully Callum pounces on some stuff like a good boy.

And Murray in, in probably his last effort for me home to Leicester. At least it’s home -- Glenner loves scoring at home. Let’s do it Glenner come on bruh... What a fucking pick by me on wildcard.

BENCH:

Arnie / Gerry D / Stephens

Best bench ever?

CAP:

Also on Mo with Walsh which basically ensures an unmitigated disaster week for us... can’t wait.

No but seriously there’re no other shouts in my 11 this week -- I am not close to trusting Tony M. with a cap -- so Mo must go.

It’s not the best fixture but it’s fine and Mo, we say it ad nauseam, always puts up the underlying numbers to return against anyone every single week so let’s just fucking do that again and turn it into a haul. Go on Mo you sexy fuck.

<3

[rupertacton]

FUCK MY LONDON

Hermit's Cave. Sniff in the bogs. Fucking stinks in here. Camberwell Road. Corrib Bar. Watching football. Landlady said we were welcome back but not to bring any black people with us. Not in those words. Never went back. Walking past venues I played in that are no longer there. Rhythm Factory. Whitechapel Road. Round the corner. Used to be able to buy hash. Private member's club. Pool table. Foreign students. Building gone. Pint in the Castle. One end of Brick Lane. £2 in my pocket. Other end. Got food. Zoot. Beer. Still had some change. In my day this was all fields. Stewart Home. This is my home. I want to leave. Leave home. Chemical Brothers. Prodigy. Brixton Academy. No drugs. 13. Wouldn't go to see either of them now. Fuck them. Tried to get into the 4 Aces. Dalston used to scare the shit out of me. Me and Andrew went to buy an ounce and got robbed. Clapton Square. Got away with the weed but Andrew got his phone and ring nicked. Andrew convinced it was a set up. I'm still not sure. Arrested for criminal damage and possession at Caledonian Road & Barnsbury Station. The free line. Graf everywhere. Me and Mark. He was already on doing more serious stuff. Getting banged up for writing would've been silly. Bumped into him on Cambridge Heath Road. Years later. He was in an X5. Little gaff out in Essex. Kid. Still moving food but not touching it if you get what I mean. Born in Walworth. First wave gentrification. Sitting out in the garden at 6am sharing a joint with one of the Birmingham Six. Reading Ballard. Under the Westway. Subterranea. Black Star and Company Flow. MCD and Scratch Perverts supporting. Mainly crushing fucking boredom though. Africa Centre. Hour of jungle at the end of Funkin' Pussy. Listening to Rudimentary Peni. Carcass. Blak Twang. Rodney P. Heartless Crew. Upfront FM. Fuck it. Listing stuff. I'm sitting in the Barbican. Working. Listening in to an American man having a conversation with an English woman. I sort of hate them. They are probably alright. Vacuous pricks. The lot of us. St James' C of E primary school. Bermondsey. Jamaica Road. Everyone white. Almost. Everyone racist. Almost. What the fuck happened there? Used to play out on the Arnold Estate near the community centre my mum helped found. Found a load of porn out back. Awakenings. You can get a St John Bakery custard donut there now. Arches used to be full of garages. Cut and shut. Dennis was a ticket tout. Got us tickets to the '93 Semi-Final. In the fucking Spurs end. I was in an Arsenal shellsuit. Scarf. Cap. Got let in the Arsenal end. Grew up watching Palace. Everyone at school was Millwall or Liverpool. Why the fuck do I support Arsenal? Questions. Didn't grow up but I got old. Long nightwalks. Getting robbed in broad daylight on my own street. Kids from Kid's Company. Wallet full of cash I couldn't really tell anyone about. My sister wanted to go down there with a kitchen knife. In the end they apologised. Sent a cheque. We all make mistakes. Always carry a glass Lucozade bottle. Middle class grunger to middle class wannabe badman but I never wanted to be anything. Books. So many books. Art was everywhere. Went to Sensation. Load of shit obviously but exciting. Southbank. Mid to late 90's. Never skated. Legendary names. Benjobe. Tom Penny. Hardcore. Hip-hop. Rapping. Kope was working at A1 Stores on Wooly. Bag full of spraypaint. I never painted. Different sort of writing. Exploration. I'm not an urban explorer. Follow the Thames. Richmond to Teddington. Tower Bridge to East India Dock. Trinity Buoy Wharf. Sitting in a lighthouse all day. Hungover. Got chased through Broadway Market. Years before the farmers showed up. London is tiny if your postcode limits your movement. Escape. Fiction is liberating. The truth won't set you free. George Davis is innocent. Frankie Fraser on the 12 bus with his little dog. Chatting to my mum. Richardson's club house and torture chamber on a quaint little square just off Camberwell Road. Pet shop that used to stink of skunk. Dangerous dogs out front. This is what you're moving into. The ghosts will catch up with you. The past is never really the past. I'm past it. Read too many conspiracy theories. Canary Wharf as a beacon of occult energy. Hawksmoor Churches. All mainstream. Pick up the info in Waterstones in the London section. Make up your own myths. Smoking DMT in Blythe Hill Fields. London breathing. Viewpoints. Greenwich Park. Primrose Hill. Parliament Hill. Lunchtime. Out of the stockroom. Packing records all day. Enough to make you hate music. Where's the glamour? Guestlist is standard. Why the fuck would you pay to watch music? I still love it. Astoria. Gone. Plastic People. Gone. We went downstairs and when we went back out everything was covered in snow. Walking back. D Double E and Footsie. Legends. Tubby on decks. I think. All blends into one. But the snow. That happened. Stayed in Hackney. Walked back along a white carpet. These moments we live for. Put up with all the shit. I never really took photos. Stopping traffic at Elephant & Castle roundabout after getting run over. Black cab driver wanting to make sure I was alright. Asked what football team I support. Told him. Said he'd leave me in the road if it was up to him. Banter. Fucked up my Helly Hansen. Driver had no insurance. I told him to drive off but everyone made him stay. Writing is alchemy. You don't have to believe me. Planning is alchemy. London is being remixed. New block of flats named after the pie and mash shop on Westmoreland Road. Some attempt at continuity. Don't worry about me. It's everyone else. The search for authenticity is futile. Tayyabs. Lahore. Needoo. The holy trinity. But don't kid yourself. You can't eat your way to an understanding of lived experience. I'm sitting across the road from Madame Tussauds. This is authentic London even if you think it isn't. Some of my best friends are northerners. GO HOME. Get out while you can. I grew out of the fear of other areas. I moved. I walk from Lesnes Abbey to Grove Park on the Green Chain with my uncle. I walk from Finsbury Park to Alexandra Palace on the Parkland Walk with my girlfriend. I walk from Limehouse Basin to Island Gardens to Greenwich to Southwark Park with my mate. I walk from my flat to Walthamstow Marshes via the Olympic Park with myself. Memories shadowing every step. An egret and a heron near Stratford Westfield. I'm convinced we're all going to die in a shopping centre. Kingdom Come. Every witness appeal tells a story. Pain. Tragedy. I was watching Therapy? at Brixton Academy when the second riot happened. A venue full of pale faced teenagers insulated from an outpouring of justified anger. I performed with the guy who is supposed to have started the first Brixton riot. When the whole city rioted I walked up the back of Walworth Road watching kids hide stuff in bins. No one even noticed me. This is England. Wembley. Norway. Such a terrible match. The people behind me and my dad making monkey noises whenever Paul Ince touched the ball. Turned me off England for life. I couldn't even enjoy Euro '96. Arch contrarian. Of course I disagree. Got my bank account emptied and lost about £140 of other people's money getting robbed on Churchill Estate. Never trust someone who has just come out of prison for kidnap who says they can get some good food for a good price. Lesson learned. Two kids on the N68 tried to move me up. This was much later. I was wearing a Stone Island. I think they thought I was balling. I'd spent the night doing other people's sniff. I had a shit phone and an Ipod. I explained. We left on good terms. Lesson learned. Even where I used to sign on is gone. RIP Camberwell Job Centre. I fucking hated you but I miss you. Monday night football at the Petchey Academy saved my life. Made me a better person. The Shacklewell before it was cool. When it was cool. Saw Rodigan out back. Felt like a proper shubs. The Haggerston when it was Uncle Sam's. Live jazz. Terrible pints. Sitting in a Polo. UKG. Smoking draw. Just driving around. My room in the attic full of smoke. Entire house stinking. So many lost years. Round to Len's after a night out. Get the chop out. Staggering home. 8am. Mouth so dry. Lying in bed. Zoot in the ashtray. Bottle of water. Normal weekend. The Gramaphone. Commerical Street. Gone. Rushing. Hudson Mohawke and Rustie. Insanely strong pills. Up to the tubes for a weird after party. Everywhere will go soon. Corsica Studios. Summer of ket. Spangled in the smoking area. That rave in Hackney Wick. Bouncer wearing a bally. I was sick into a ballon. I was falling in love. Never wanted a relationship before that. Football. Drugs. Music. Books. Art. Masturbation. Very occasional sex. That was enough for me. I was kidding myself. Obviously. You pick and choose memories. You order the moments. You try to create a coherent picture. There is no coherent picture. Nothing to see here. Move along. First football match. Palace. Millwall. Punch ups in the family enclosure. Scary as fuck. LOVED IT. Grown men screaming cunt. Just got a text saying Whitechapel Bell Foundry is closing. My London is over. Fucked. Done. You can keep it. Do what you want with it. I don't care. If I don't care then why am I crying?

THE CUNTS, FREAKS, CRIMINALS, BOHEMIANS, NAZIS, NUTCASES, IMMIGRANTS, COMMIES, TRAMPS, ARTISTS, VANDALS, MUSICIANS, SHOTTERS, MIDDLE CLASSES, WHITES, BLACKS, WORKING CLASSES, TOFFS, GAYS, CHANCERS, BANKERS, BARROW BOYS, STALLHOLDERS, STAKEHOLDERS, LADS, CASUALS, RUDEBOYS, ANARCHISTS, BELL MAKERS, DRUGGIES, BARISTAS, RAVENS, BEEFEATERS, TOURISTS ETC. ARE ALL GONE. DONE. FUCK MY LONDON.