#but <3 we will go see him on tour or i’ll die

[cutyrteeth]

its always the ones you trust the most

[tiktaalic]

catching fire dash simulator

finnicksgirl Follow

my streams have been cutting all season omfg what is going on

caps4finnick Follow

cinnagirl3000 Follow

anybody heard from cinna lately?

plutarcheology Follow

Plutarch Heavensbee circa 2282

revolutionarykatniss

As if it’s not ENOUGH that yall wanna fuck the most morally bankrupt man alive who is more than complicit because he gets paid to live in luxury to ORCHESTRATE the deaths of innocents so that they’re a spectacle and don’t have the option to die even semi peacefully. as if that’s not enough. You wanna fuck him when he’s ugly?

caesarflickerwoman Follow

anyone else still thinking about how caesar and peeta were kinda ..

czrflckmn

Aren’t you the one who had the week long meltdown about peeta being overfamiliar with him

caesarflickerwoman

Well you see I’m gay and a man now

theeclove Follow

already tired of this fucking season of everlark -_- idgaf about the fucking fog

siblingvictors

DISTRICT ONE GONNA SEND THEM A CANCELLATION NOTICE!! #CASHMEREGLOSS4EVER

czrflkmn Follow

everyone looooooves to act like NOTABLE cishet peeta is so gay w caesar as if his gay cohost isn't right there.... slaying in a wig..... sending yearning glances caesar's way right before the camera cuts......

johannadykeson Follow

tbh she’s got the WORST taste in allies idek why i continue to stan. girl MAGS?

#my girl going to get slorn :/

katnissgirlsmakedo

She is choosing with her HEART she chose to save peeta in the games REMEMBERRRRRRRR she’s literally a lovergirl to the core

#lovecore #heartcore #truelove

lucygraydotcom Follow

Caesar flickerman kidn if a laughing gnome. Reblog

finnickforever Follow

I’ve supported finnick through a lot and defended them and I’ve always been proud they're from my district but honestly they went way too far by doing the salute during the interview. I can only hope that they just got caught up in the moment with everyone else doing it and obviously it’s a stressful situation but I don’t think I can continue endorsing them. I’ll be changing my url this week.

divorceekatniss Follow

hey guys i know times are tough for everyone and the capital has really cracked down but my mutual @divorceepeeta got flogged the other day and could really use some help. v3nmo here. anything helps #signalboost #mockingjay

disabledmags Follow

Tbh the baby is the saddest thing I've ever heard </3

peetaspride

Another citizen falling for capital propaganda. It's so glaringly apparent that this is made up to draw in views. The tributes undergo extensive medical examination prior to the games. They would NEVER let a pregnant woman compete.

disabledmags

As if killing children has ever stopped them before?

#We all saw him fall to protect her stomach before they even started the victory tour #Is it that ridiculous to believe two newlyweds fresh out of a life or death situation would celebrate a little carelessly?

peetaspride

If you think even the marriage is real you're stupider than I thought. Peeta spends every interview begging us to see his truth. The capital is shamelessly silencing him and "the baby" is a distraction.

peetasbabymama Follow

URL CHANGE!! faggotpeeta->peetasbabymama

cupcakeeverlark

this isnt funny. peeta's a real person with real feelings. it will never be funny to call someone a f***** as a joke. how would you feel if my url was f*****peetasbabymama?

peetasbabymama

ok

district420

isnt cupcakeeverlark literally prez snow's 12 yr old granddaughter lol

tendinghiswounds

OOMF IS 12???????????

everlarklovechild

the age is the problem here?

marriedeverlark Follow

Canon url 🎉🎊💅😁🥰♥️

beeteemp3 Follow

New content of my favorite tribute 😁😁😁

3ffietrinket

Girl there’s a 96% chance they die ?

peenick Follow

getting reports from the presidential banquet that Peeta looks gay as fuck

3v3rlark Follow

ik peeniss has been flagging w the rehearsed speeches but did anyone else see the way they looked at each other in the censored district 11 speech

rues-song

you’re STUPID she’s a capital pawn AND i fucked your mom while you were busy looking for illegal streams

senecacraneofficial Follow

rip seneca you were so babygirl </3

plutarchbaby69

so now you think we can’t fuck old men?

#this fandom is so ageist #this is prob what I get for blogging about thg tbh since # it’s literally about kids. Some of you ppl need to grow up

[first-edition]

Love

Mafia boss!Bucky x singer!reader

Sum- you and Bucky had been together for 3 years before he left, he had even put a ring on your finger. You never knew why he left but it broke you to peices. When you finally forgave him you were shot and dying in his arms.

Cw- hospital, doctor talk, guns, kissing heavy petting, smut, shower sex, unprotected, pinv sex, fingering, recovery, size kink (if you squint)

Part 1 ‘lyrics’

Part 2 ‘letter’

This is part 3

Flashing lights of red and blue shoot through the the city. The screeching of tires as Bucky followed close behind the ambulance. He just got you back he knew this would happen but regardless he needs you.

“FUCK! Fuck fuck fuck!” He curses hitting the steering wheel of the car as he speeds through stops signs and lights. Screeching into the hospital parking lot he parks and rushes out of the car just barley missing you on the stretcher as they rush you to the back.

“Baby!!?” He calls running after you. A nurse sitting on the bed if you giving you cpr.

“BABY!”

“Sir.” A nurse says holding Bucky back.

“NO FUCK- GET OFF ME!” He yells.

“Sir Calm down!”

“NO DONT FUCKING TELL ME CALM DOWN DONT-“

“Mr Barnes! Sir!” Rumlow walks to him pushing him back.

“Your covers In blood sir are you hurt anywhere?” The nurse asks.

“No. No I’m fine just- she can’t die okay I can’t-…..she…fuck.” Bucky turns away.

“The waiting room is down the hall to your left I’ll go find some clothes for you.” She kindly directs him and rumlow before walking off.

———

“Bucky sits in the waiting room sam and rumlow on either side of him. He’s changed into a black tshirt and jeans the blood washed off.

“Mr Barnes?” A doctor calls he stands up faster than ever the guards following.

“Is she okay?” He asks

“She’s stable but needs to be closely monitored she lost a lot of blood and flat lined…” the doctor trails off.

“Well?” He says

“The bullet has hit a blood vessel causing damage to her internal organs on the lower half of her body…including cutting off blood flow to the uterus. We…we had to perform and emergency hysterectomy….if at all you and her were planning..” She says

Bucky looks at the doctor taking in all of the things she had just said.

“Can I see her?” He asks. She nods gestures to follow which he does.

“She’s on high pain meds and should be waking up soon” she says.

Following the doctor down the hall his mind rushes about what he’s going to tell you when you wake up. Did you know? We’re you planning to tell him at some point?

Arriving at the room he sees you asleep in the bed an oxygen mask on your nose and mouth.

“No. Wait out here I don’t want anyone except me and that doctor coming in or out so you understand me.” Bucky says hardly to the guards they nod taking place on either side of the door.

Bucky walks up to you sitting next to you taking your hand your pale and a bit cold. Despite the heated blanket you have.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never should’ve dragged you into my fucked up life. I-I never should’ve left you alone. I promise that I will stay by yourself forever and always.” He says kissing your hand resting it against his cheek.

Your fingers move as he sits up straight leaning to you.

“Hey doll?” He says your eyes open weakly as they adjust to the light in the bright pale room.

You frown as tour eyes focus.

“Baby.” He says look to him. Bucky smiles seeing you looking at him.

He lets out a pained sigh kissing your hand thanking whatever deity that your alive.

“Bucky…..” you say weakly.

“I’m here I’m right here.” He says holding you Mr hand to his face.

“Hey baby…I-I gotta tell you something.” He says. You look up at him frowning a bit.

“When you got shot you lost a lot of blood. Remember on the beach in pairs..you were talking about having kinds mm?” He says. You nod looking up at him as he shakes his head.

“Wh-..what..” you say weakly.

“Its okay.” He says tears well up in your eyes as you understand what he’s trying to telling you. You begin to cry as he pulls you into his arms.

———

You stand in front of the bedrooms floor length mirror, nude. You finger tracing over the scar left on your lower abdomen. Its long and ugly. You sigh turning away going to the shower Turing it on and letting the water heat up to steam. The entire bathroom coating the glass and mirror is a fog.

Opening the door you step in feelign the water warmth you body.

Its been 4 months since you were shot. Bucky has barley left your side. They found the person who did it and Bucky, “brought him to Justice” which you know means he killed him. Put a bullet through his skull like he did with the first man who tried you in a club some many nights ago when you first met.

The healing was easily but the depression from not being able to go out was another thing. Bucky helped with bringing the outside to you as much as he could even starting a plant garden of the roof of the penthouse.

Lost in your thoughts you dont notice your husband has opened the door and stepped into the shower with you. His hands, both cold one colder than the other, make contact with waist pulling you gently against his front.

You inhale smiling as you realize.

“You’re home.” You say turning around wrapping your arms around his neck pulling him into you in a kiss. He kisses you back but with a pained expression pulls away. His hands still holding you on your waist.

“Whats wrong?” you ask looking him.

“I was just thinking.” He says trailing off.

“Mm?” You ask

“It shouldn’t worry you hmm.” He says pecking your lips.

“Turn ‘round.” He says. You obey and turn to his command. He snakes his arms around your waist you stiffen a bit as his skin makes sudden contact with the scar drawing your front.

“I love you. You know that right?” He asks.

“Yes.” You say giggling at your own response to not saying it back one of buckys pet peeves.

“Hmm? what was that.” He says

“I said yes, i know you love me.” You say, giggling.

“Mmhmm and what else.” He says.

“I dont know what you mean?” You act dumb he chuckles. Lifting your chin to him kissing you. Whats supposed to be a short peck turns into a make out.

he walks you back. Your back hitting the cold wall of the tile making you gasp giving him perfect leeway into your mouth with his tounge.

His flesh hand moves up your side to your breast his thumb brushing over the hardened bud. The minute you’d realized he was in the shower with you, clothed or nude to which he is in fact just a naked as you are, it turned you on deeply.

A small moan is left from your mouth as bucky squeezes your breast in his hand. His metal once easily finds your core brushing his fingers up and down the slit.

“F-fuck..” you gasp out inserting a thick digit he chuckles into your neck at you reaction. Pumping his finger and rubbing you with his thumb gives you almost everything you need.

He wraps his arm around you and picks you up pinning you against the wall taking the opportunity to shove a second finger into you making your mouth drop open as he thrusts his fingers to you brushing the upwards to the spot in you his thumb plays with your clit.

You clench around his fingers feeling the knot in your stomach. He pulls his fingers out of you. Before you can complain about the absence of pleausre you feel the familiar stretch in your cunt of bucky’s cock.

Your mouth drops open once again as he thrusts up into you his metal hand against the tile behind you and his flesh hand grips your waist.

“F-fuck..i missed you.” He says kissing your jaw line and neck.

You smile moaning out as the overwhelming pleausre surges through you. Clenching down around him the knot he made from his fingers explodes as you cum against him.

Your walls flutter as he continues to fuck you. He picks you up your legs wrapping around his waist allowing him to fuck you deeper in the position you are.

“B-buck..ah!” You moan out your arms around him your fingers gripping his hair and skin.

“Such a pretty girl.” He grunts. Making you almost fold to his will.

“F-f..fu..im gonna c-cum again..ah” your voice breaks as he recklessly thrusts into you.

He pants his thrusts getting sloppier as you feel his throb in you.

“You gonna cum for me doll. Hmm?” He asks his lips attaching to your neck. With a rough thrust up into you cum clenching around him. He releases his own orgasam chasing it with deep movements in you filling you.

You cling to him your nails making marks to his shoulders and back as you pant.

“L-look at me.” He says his blue eyes taking you in you look at him.

“I love you..you’re perfect, you’re everything to me I will never leave you. Ever.” He says placing his hands against your cheek. You smile nodding your nose brushing against his before sharing a kiss.

THE END.

[kusaka6e]

BOYS IN THE BAND

(aot ver) | mha ver | fairy tail ver

band!au

various aot x fem!reader

headcannons about aot men as hot band member boyfriends <3

sfw

includes: eren, armin, jean, connie

———

eren, the lead singer ;

we all know this mf had to be front and center LMFAOO

i think he also knows how to play piano but he doesn’t do it often, so whenever he posts a video of him doing it fans lose their SHIT

he loves playing for you, will def learn your favorite songs to surprise you with them

brought you out on stage to sing you something he wrote when he asked you to be his gf

seeing you front row at shows will make him put on one of the best concerts of his life

he is so mean to anyone hating on you LMAOO ‘if you can’t respect my girl than you’re obviously not a real fan asshole, delete all our music from your library’

loves when you come to shows but also understands that you have work and stuff to tend to; he sends you so many pics and videos during soundchecks to talk to you and feel like you’re actually there :(

if you surprise him at a show he’d probably cry his eyes out and make you swear to never speak of it “i just had sweat in my eyes from performing, i wasn’t crying!”

definitely wears your name around his neck at all times

corny mf definitely kisses you through the phone when he’s far away, like okay soulja boy

gets exclusive/one of one merch made for you all the time

connie, the drummer

there could not be a more fitting person to play the drums

is SO proud to have you, literally everyone knows you’re his like it or not

honestly probably has to your name or initial tattooed somewhere if you’re down with that

constantly posting you on all his socials, especially when he’s doing shows far away

definitely brings you to rehearsal and band meetings to sit on his lap while he plays

(not) jokingly refers to you as his wife all the time

like if the boys wanna go out to a club or something after a show he’s all “nah i don’t think the wife would like that, you guys go on ahead” and it’s not even that you’re insecure, he just wants to stay in and nap with you LMFAOOO

definitely has said “quit your job and come on tour with us, i’ll take care of everything else” and he’s not kidding

he just wants to have you around as often as he can :( he means it when he says everything is better with you present for it

would literally rather die than be away on your birthday/anniversary

he will look their manager in the face and say “well i guess you’ll have to find a new drummer for that show” LMAOOO like sir this is your career ???

he absolutely bought a build-a-bear with some goofy ass voice message in it for you and put it in one of the bands’ t-shirts, he now refers to the bear as you two’s child

jean, the guitarist ;

he soft-launched you two’s relationship and it caused HAVOC after

i don’t think jean hides the fact that he’s very much a hopeless romantic, so him constantly turning down advances from fans and people in general was odd

until

he posted a picture of you two holding hands across the table at a fancy restaurant, the promise ring he’d given you that night glinting against the flash of the picture being taken, probably captioned something simple like “my love <3”

he tries to protect you from the negatives that come from his lifestyle and sometimes that means supporting him from afar :(

don’t get it twisted, he loves when you come to shows but the idea of a fan or someone attacking you literally keeps him up at night sometimes, he’d never forgive himself if that happened

when you do come to shows in person he makes sure they have extra security everywhere that night, and he insists that you’re backstage to a.) have the best view of the show and b.) have you in the safest place possible

writes you love letters and sends them with little souvenirs/care packages all the time

loves sending you obnoxiously large flower arrangements

he’ll facetime you when he gets the notification that they got delivered so he can see your reaction in real time :((

everytime he gets a new guitar he has you write your name on it before he ever uses it, he swears it’s for good luck

armin, the bassist ;

okay listen here me out on this one

imagine the whole crowd losing their shit over eren or jean stealing the show and showing off, and armin just steadily playing the bassline, looking up and finding you in the crowd to wink at you

i just- something about him playing the bass sits so right with me

kinda likes being able to throw most of the fans’ attention to the other band members, doesn’t always do so well with people

all the fans know you’re dating him and absolutely love you two together

the boys get SO protective if someone has anything negative to say, eren and connie have already snapped on them before armin has even looked their way

you two are definitely the band’s parents

like if the boys are getting rowdy armin can literally say “if you guys don’t stop i’m gonna tell (y/n)” and suddenly they’re perfect angels LMFAOO

he 100% cried when you got a little bass guitar tattooed

even though you guys obviously call/text when he’s away, i think he likes to send you postcards from some of the cities they’re touring to with cute little lovenotes on them

i think he gets so wrapped up in trying to make sure everyone else is prepared for shows (and keeping eren’s wild ass out of trouble LMFAO) that he needs reminders to take care of himself too :( the boys love when you travel with them because they finally get to see armin loosen up and relax because you’re there

[rainisawriter]

Sick for You (Ryu) {Sicktember 2023}

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━━

Genre: Fluff, slice of life, angst, comfort, domestic, comedy, romance

Word Count: 8,564

Pairing: First Person x Ryu

World: The Rampage

A/N: Okay, let me say that this is 100 million percent self-indulgent because I am a certified Ryu simp. I would die for this man, okay. This also took like a week to write lmao and it was written for @sicktember 2023. I wasn’t originally gonna do anything for this because of Flufftober but then this idea hit me like a freight train c: Also shout out to Kels (@babyboybinbin), Dia (@sieunkinnie) and Sweet (@xsweetelegantdisasterx) for letting me abuse them in this fic~ I regret nothing ò.ó)

Prompts (in order): #11 -Beginner’s Guide to Faking Sick / #18 – “Wear your coat, you’ll catch a cold.” / #4 – Hiding An Illness / Alt #3 – Pounding Headache / #23 – Coughing Fit / #16 – Consulting the Internet/Web MD / #19 – Curled Up With A Pet / #8 – Persistent Fever / Alt #4 – Forehead Kisses / #12 – Home Remedy/Old Wives Tale / #21 – “But if you stay, you’ll get sick too.” / #24 – “Did you just sneeze?” / #3 – “What happened to your phenomenal immune system?” / Alt #1 – “I could really use a hug right about now.”

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━

Light streamed through the curtains, landing conveniently across my eyes and bringing me from my sleep. I looked at the clock through blurry eyes, realizing that I needed to get up soon for work but I really didn’t want to. My bed was so comfy and the body wrapped around my own was warm. Why would I ever want to –

Wait a damn minute… I blinked dumbly at the wall for a moment. Why is there a body in my bed? I turned slowly so as not to disturb them, a smile instantly coming to my face when I realized who it was.

Ryu was sleeping peacefully behind me, strands of hair falling across his face. He was already a gorgeous man but he looked like a damn angel when he was sleeping so peacefully. I slowly reached forward, tucking the hair behind his ear. He stirred, gorgeous brown eyes meeting mine.

“Morning,” he mumbled, stretching out his long body.

“When did you get here?” I wondered, propping my cheek up against my hand. “I thought you were on tour for another three days.”

“We had to end it early because of the bad weather.”

“You shoulda woke me up.”

He hummed, fingers curling around the hem of my shirt. “You looked too cute. I didn’t want to bother you.”

I ignore the fluttering of my heart and the warming of my cheeks, leaning down to claim his lips. “Babe, you could never bother me.”

He gave me a goofy grin, eyes lighting up. “You have to be at work soon, right?”

All thoughts of work had gone out the window when I realized he was in bed with me. I rarely got to see him because of his hectic schedule and there was no way I was going to work. 

I forced myself up, grabbing my phone off the bedside table and bringing up Google. Ryu propped himself up on his elbow, looking curiously at my phone screen.

His brow furrowed as he read the words of the article I had clicked on. “‘A beginners guide to faking sick.’ You’re gonna lie to your boss?”

“No… I’m just gonna bend the truth a little,” I defended, trying to ignore the stern look he sent me. “Is it so wrong to want to spend time with my beautiful boyfriend, hm?”

He fought back against the smile trying to overtake his lips, still trying to appear stern but I knew I had broken him. It was my special ability at this point. “Fine, but you have to make it up to him later, okay?”

“I’ll bring him donuts or something.”

Ryu laughed, shaking his head before climbing over me to get off the bed. He started to leave the room but paused as if unsure. “Do you want me to make you breakfast?”

I wasn’t sure why, but he was always cautious when it came to cooking. It’s like he wants to, but he just doesn’t have the confidence in himself which breaks my heart. I offered him a playful grin. “Well, the last time I cooked something that wasn’t instant ramen, I set the kitchen on fire, so…”

He paled as the memory came flooding back to him. “Ah… I’ll cook, then.”

“Sounds like a good idea.” I followed him into the tiny kitchen, settling down at the table with my phone. “I love your cooking. Your food always tastes so good.”

“Really?” He glanced at me with a shy smile and I nodded.

“Yes, really. If I could cook like you, I wouldn’t be a Fire hazard.”

He laughed, pulling the eggs out of the fridge. “Just don’t attempt it when I’m not here, okay?”

“Okay~” I promised, pulling up my boss’s contact. I took a deep breath, clearing my throat as I pressed it to my ear. I hoped it would go to his voice-mail, but no such luck. 

“Hello? Takanori speaking.“

“Hey, boss.” I tried to lower my voice and sound as if I was dying, but judging from the look Ryu was giving me, it wasn’t working as intended. “I, uh… I can’t come in… today…”

“Oh? Are you okay? You sound terrible.“

“Yeah, I -” I faked a few coughs and Ryu sent me another stern look, clearly not approving of the lie. “- I’m not feeling too hot.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. Get some rest and –“

There was a sudden loud clang from the kitchen. Ryu had dropped the metal spatula on the floor. ‘Sorry,’ he mouthed, sending me an apologetic and guilty look.

My boss called out my name, sounding worried. “What was that noise? Is everything okay?“

“Yeah!” I replied quickly, forgetting my tone change which I quickly fixed. “Yeah, sorry. I… I dropped my cup…”

“You should be in bed,” he scolded softly. “Don’t worry about anything. I can get Dia to cover your shift.“

“Thanks, boss.”

“Take care.”

I hung up the phone, releasing a relieved sigh as I sat back in my chair. “Man, acting is hard. I don’t know how you do it.”

“A lot of practice,” he hummed, breaking the eggs into a bowl. 

I watched him for a moment, admiring how careful he was with each action. “What should we do today? A new store opened up a few blocks away. Looks interesting from the outside.”

“Is that a smart idea? What if your boss sees you?”

“He works in an office building on the other side of town and he’s a workaholic so he stays way later than everyone else. The chance of him seeing me is,” I formed a circle with my hand. “Zero percent.”

“Famous last words,” he teased.

“For you,” I came up behind him, arms around his waist and face buried in the back of his shirt. “It’s worth the risk.”

His hand found mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. It was something he did to show thanks when words failed him.

After breakfast, we started to get ready to head out.

Ryu checked his phone before glancing at me. “It’s supposed to rain and the temperature is going to drop. Wear your coat, you’ll catch a cold.”

“Don’t worry so much, you know I love the cold,” I replied, shoving my feet into my boots.

“Loving the cold doesn’t make you immune to it.”

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” I held my hand out to him with a reassuring smile and he reluctantly took it, his hand easily dwarfing my own. “Besides, I’ve got you to keep me warm.”

He quickly turned his head but not before I noticed his blush, bringing a grin to my lips. He tugged me out of the apartment, the chilly autumn air nipping at my exposed skin. The sky was covered with gray clouds,  thunder rolling softly in the distance. 

He glanced up and hummed thoughtfully. “We should buy an umbrella first.”

“The convenience store on the corner sells them, I think.” I tugged him in that direction, feeling in high spirits. How could I not be? The love of my life was home, it was nearly October, it was cold out and it was probably going to rain. It was a recipe for pure joy.

The store had an entire rack of umbrellas for sale, including a blue one with lamas printed on it and a teal one with cats printed on it. It took me an embarrassingly long time to choose one while Ryu waited patiently, standing behind me with his arms around my waist and chin on top of my head. It was an easy feat given our height difference.

“If you want, you can buy both,” suggested Ryu softly.

I considered it for a moment. “They’re overpriced already and I don’t need two.”

Ryu chuckled, picking them both up and heading to the front despite my protests. He didn’t hesitate to pay for them both, again, ignoring my protests. I sent him a disapproving look when he held them out to me.

“Don’t be mad,” he pouted. “I like buying things for you. It makes me happy.”

Well, I can’t argue with that. His happiness is my happiness. I clicked my tongue, taking the umbrellas from him. “Thank you, I really do appreciate it.”

“Of course. Should we check out that new store now?”

“Yes, let’s go~!” I grabbed his hand and dragged him from the store, prompting a laugh from him.

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━

I stifled a yawn, rubbing the back of my neck. We had been out for hours, mostly just walking around and enjoying each other’s company. The shop hadn’t been anything special, though Ryu did find a jacket that he liked.

He threw his arm around my shoulders, rubbing up and down my arm. “Should we head home?”

“Yeah. We can watch a movie if you want.”

“I’d like that. You can choose.”

“Oh?” I sent him a grin and he frowned.

“Am I going to regret that decision?”

“We are so watching The Worst.”

A faint tint came to his cheeks. “We’ve already seen it a hundred times.”

“And I wanna see it a hundred more because my baby is in it and he’s incredibly talented.” I smiled warmly, reaching up to cup his face. He leaned down to make it easier, his warm hand covering my own. “You’re an amazing actor, you know? And an amazing dancer. And a genuinely amazing person in general.”

He shifted nervously, glancing away. 

I knew complimenting him made him feel shy and nervous, but it felt important to me. I needed him to know how important he is, how special. Maybe that makes me selfish, I don’t know. 

I pulled back, releasing my grip on him. “Come on, let’s get home before -“

As if sensing my thoughts, the sky opened up with a loud roar of thunder. Sheets of rain fell on top of us, causing the others on the street to cry out and rush for cover. Ryu grabbed my hand, pulling me under the cover of a nearby Cafe. As badly as I wanted to enjoy the rain, I was more concerned about him. It would be bad if he got sick and couldn’t rejoin the other Rampage members.

“We should get home so you can change,” I murmured, frowning at the water that clung to his hair. I opened the cat umbrella, making sure to hold it high enough so it wasn’t resting against the top of his head.

“You need to change, too,” he pointed out, putting his arm around my shoulder and tugging me against his side to ensure that the umbrella covered us both. The wind picked up, sending a chill down my spine. It took everything I had not to shiver simply because I didn’t want to worry him.

The apartment was chilly, providing little warmth.

“Hurry and get changed,” said Ryu as he shrugged off his jacket.

“You first.”

He sent me a pointed look which I returned. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Ryutaro. Think about the other members if you get sick.” I folded my arms over my chest, watching as he bit his lip. “Go on, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be quick.” He pecked my cheek before rushing into the bedroom. Kazu came rushing out when he opened the door, easily slipping through his legs before rushing over to me.

I clicked my tongue, kneeling in front of him. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were in the room.”

He stared at me with his large blue eyes, tail swishing back and forth in annoyance.

“Will a treat make it up to you?”

Mrow~

I chuckled, patting the feline on the head before standing up to enter the kitchen, him hot on my heels. He hopped up onto the chair, waiting patiently as I searched for the treats. Where the hell are they? I tugged open the cabinet, spying them on the top shelf.

Well, shit. I stood on my tiptoes, reaching up but only the tips of my fingers brushed against the plastic container. I tried pushing it closer to the edge but I think I just pushed it farther away.

A chest pressed against my back, his hand appearing beside my own and easily reaching the container. “I’ll feed Kazu. Go get changed.” He pressed another kiss to my cheek before approaching the annoyed feline.

I smiled at him before doing as I was told, changing into a t-shirt, a rampage hoodie, and some pajama pants with little ghosts printed on them. I felt much warmer now, but there was a tickle at the back of my brain. I couldn’t describe it, I just knew I didn’t feel quite as energetic as I had this morning. Then again, it was a long day.

Ryu was sitting on the couch waiting for me, Kazu curled up beside him as he gently brushed his fingers over the feline’s white fur. I settled down on his other side, seeing the movie already pulled up and ready to play. He pulled me against his body, arms wrapped protectively around me.

With a smile, I pressed play on the remote before letting myself melt against him, chest filled with warmth and love.

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━

Over the next couple of days, I started to feel worse and worse. My body felt heavy as if it were made of lead, someone seemed to be endlessly pounding on my skull with a hammer and I barely had the energy to live. Even so, I knew I had to hide it from Ryu because he’s the type who would drop everything for his loved ones.

I refuse to be the reason behind him getting into trouble or, worse, getting fired and losing his dreams. It was hard as hell to pretend to be okay, but I managed by pretending it was a video game. Besides, he leaves tomorrow morning so I can die in peace without disturbing him so long as I make it through the night.

The smell of paella filled the apartment and I swallowed hard, hit by a wave of nausea. Not that it smelled bad or anything, but in my weakened state, I simply wasn’t hungry and I couldn’t trust myself not to throw up if I actually ate something. If that were to happen, Ryu would blame himself for messing it up and I didn’t want that.

On the other hand, telling him I didn’t want to eat would probably make him feel self-conscious and sad. He put in the effort to cook for us despite not having a lot of confidence in doing so, I couldn’t just crush him like that.

I brought my knees to my chest, groaning softly into my knees. Kazu was staring at me from the recliner. I don’t know if he understood my predicament but it felt as if he was judging me for my choices, the little shit. He reminds me of someone else who just so happens to share the same name.

Ryu’s feet padded softly across the wooden floor as he appeared beside the couch. “Dinner’s ready. Do you want me to make you a plate?”

I took a slow, deep breath. ‘Come on, get your shit together. Do it for him.’ Lifting my head, I gave him an apologetic smile. “Actually… I think I might skip dinner tonight.”

He sat beside me with a frown, brow furrowed in worry. “Why? What’s wrong?”

My stomach lurched, a sharp pain shooting through my skull simultaneously and I nearly cursed aloud at my body for conspiring against me. I wrapped my arms tightly around my stomach to try and ease some of the pain I felt. “I’m about to start my period so my stomach is a bit… wonky at the moment.”

“Already? You’re not due to start for another week.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised that he knew that because he was always on top of things like that, always trying to ensure I was comfortable and prepared each month, even when he was away. “Uh… better early than late?”

His face burned at the comment and he brought the back of his hand up to cover it. “Go get some rest.”

“I’m sorry, Ryu.”

“For what?”

“You cooked for nothing… I should have said something sooner.”

“It’s okay,” he replied softly, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “You can eat it when you’re feeling better.”

I wanted to kiss him so badly for being such a sweetheart but I didn’t want him to get sick so I settled for a thankful smile. “Thank you, baby.”

“Of course.”

I waited for him to disappear back into the kitchen before standing up and hobbling my way back to the bedroom, holding onto the wall for support. The room was spinning by the time I made it to bed and I was all too happy to fall face-first onto it, the pillow muffling my groan.

Despite feeling exhausted, I just couldn’t fall asleep. My head was hurting too bad, the painkillers not even touching it. For two hours, I lay there staring at the wall, trying to will myself to succumb to the darkness of sleep but my body refused to obey. When Ryu finally joined me, I pretended I was asleep, urging myself not to move as he slid in behind me, arms wrapped protectively around my body.

I guess that was the missing link because the last thing I remember was him kissing me on the cheek and whispering, I love you, something that he rarely said out loud. 

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━

I startled awake as a coughing fit grasped me tightly, forcing me to sit up. The room was bright with Ryu nowhere to be found. I glanced at the clock and cursed, realizing that he had already left. I was already late for work, too.

As badly as I wanted to just bail and call in sick again, I knew I couldn’t. This was my karma for lying about being sick in the first place, I knew. With a groan, I threw the covers off of me and immediately started to shiver as the cool air wrapped around me. My head still hurt, my nose stuffy and the room spun when I tried to stand up.

“Shit,” I muttered, sitting back down and squeezing my eyes shut. I waited for my head to stop swimming before standing up again, walking slowly so I didn’t fall. Kazu followed close behind, his big eyes not leaving me once. At least he didn’t seem to be judging me this time. If anything, he looked worried. 

“I’m fine,” I told him, though my voice was hoarse and my throat scratchy. He flicked his ear, eyes narrowing. “Don’t give me that look. I’ll never give you treats again, you little -” My threat was interrupted by a coughing fit, my throat burning.

It took longer than I’d like to admit to get ready for work and, if I’m being completely honest, I don’t remember how I got to work. It felt like I blacked out and when I came to, I was sitting at my desk with a sheet of paper in one hand and a pen in the other.

I felt a familiar tickle at my nose and I scrunched it up on instinct, only making it worse. I tried to hold it back but a loud sneeze ripped from my body, sending the stack of papers flying off the desk. I groaned at the throbbing in my skull, eyes half-lidded. 

“Are you okay?” A hand rested on my shoulder and I slowly lifted my head, seeing my boss frown. “Geez, you look like death.”

“Am okay, boss,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. I started to get up to retrieve the papers when the world started to spin violently around me.

“Woah!” He threw his arm out to steady me, slowly lowering me back into my seat. The back of his hand rested against my forehead, his frown deepening. “You’re burning up… wait here a minute, okay?”

I didn’t have the energy to reply, my body slumping forward onto the desk with a groan. Why does everything hurt so bad? Am I dying right now?

“As you can see, she’s not doing so well,” stated my boss as he adjusted his glasses, returning to my side. “Can you take her home? I’ll pay for the Uber.”

“Of course, boss,” replied Dia. “Leave it to me.”

“I’ll call them, then.”

As soon as the car arrived, Dia helped me down to the first floor, allowing me to lean against her even at the risk of catching my cold. At least, I think it’s a cold. Maybe it’s the flu, I don’t know. Either way, she was selfless and I loved her for it.

There was a car parked in front of the building, tinted windows making it impossible to see. I could hear K-pop music blaring from within and I dreaded getting inside with my head hurting as badly as it was.

Dia knocked on the passenger window and it slowly slid down, the driver leaning toward it. She was wearing a strange pink thing on her head, the fabric secured beneath her chin with velcro. On the top was something resembling a tentacle, though it was different. I felt as if I knew what it was, but my feverish brain couldn’t quite place it.

She tilted her head down to peer at us over her sunglasses, yelling to be heard over the loud music pumping through the car. “You Dia?”

“I can’t hear you!” She yelled back.

Shaking her head, the driver flicked the volume dial and repeated the question. 

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Cool, I’m Kelso. Hop in and let’s go for a ride,” she grinned, rubbing her hands together like some kind of anime villain.

Dia sent me a concerned look as she helped me into the backseat, though I wasn’t sure if it was because of my illness or because our driver might be certifiably insane. The cold air of the ac felt good against my heated skin and I sighed softly, resting my head against the glass.

The car was quiet at first, broken only by the soft music playing in the background.

“Hey, you know sharks don’t have any bones?”

“I – huh?” Dia looked at the woman, startled. 

“Yeah and don’t say their teeth, either, because that shit is calcium, not bone.”

“Sure…”

The song changed and Dia gasped. “Oh my god, I love Pentagon!”

“Really? Me too!” She grinned, turning in her seat so that she was half-facing us while still driving down the road. “Who’s your favorite member?”

Dia didn’t seem to notice that our driver was no longer looking at the road despite driving at such a high speed. “I love Jinho.”

“My bias is Wooseok.”

My wide eyes stared forward as cars and buildings zoomed past us. My heart was racing in my chest, and my head seeming to throb in tandem with it. I looked at Dia in horror, trying to get her attention but my voice seemed to have left me. When I turned back to the front, there was a woman relaxing on the hood, not seeming the least bit bothered by the high speed at which we were traveling.

She slowly turned her head, smiling warmly at me when our eyes met, but it quickly fell into a worried frown. “You don’t look so good, hun.” Despite being on the outside of the vehicle, it sounded as if she was talking from right in front of me.

“I…” My voice was scratchy and I ended up coughing a few times before I could speak again. “I think I’m dying…”

She chuckled softly, amusement dancing in her eyes. “You’re not dying. Not yet, anyway.”

“How are you on the hood of the car? How haven’t we crashed yet?” I glanced at Dia to find her still chatting animatedly with Kelso, but they weren’t making a sound. It was as if someone had pressed the mute button on them. “I’m so confused,” I groaned, resting my face in my hands. All I wanted was to be back in Ryu’s arms, but he would be gone for a while.

My heart clenched painfully at the thought, tears stinging at my eyes.

“Don’t cry,” said the woman, her voice soft and comforting. “Everything will be alright, I promise.”

Maybe she was right, but at that moment, it felt like everything was collapsing in on me. 

“Rest,” she ordered.

Warmth spread throughout my body, my eyes growing heavy. I shook my head, trying to keep them open but I wasn’t strong enough. Before I knew it, darkness had claimed me.

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━

I tugged the comforter tighter around my body, feeling as if I was freezing. It wasn’t even cold outside and the AC certainly wasn’t on, yet my body refused to warm up. What in the world is happening to me? I rarely get sick and it usually knocks me on my ass when I finally do but shit. It feels as if I’ve been sick for weeks, though I know it’s only been a few days.

I wasn’t feeling quite as bad as I had been yesterday, so that’s an improvement, I guess. I felt exhausted and barely got two hours of sleep last night, yet sleep seemed to be running away from me.

With a sigh, I rolled over so I could grab my phone off the bedside table. I was hoping to have a message from Ryu to lift my spirits, but he still hadn’t replied to my last message. I knew he was busy but, already feeling so shitty, it hit me harder than it should have.

I pulled up Google, contemplating my next action for a moment before deciding to search for my symptoms. If I knew exactly what I had whether that be the cold, the flu, or something else entirely, then I could take the proper medication and finally recover from this shit. Regular cold meds and painkillers don’t seem to be cutting it.

After inputting all of my symptoms and the time frame into Google, I skimmed through most of the results because my head was still hurting and my vision slightly blurry, but most of the links I clicked all said the same shit – you’re probably going to die.

No fucking shit. Were all gonna die eventually. I groaned in frustration, throwing my phone onto the bedside table. As if disturbed by the sudden noise, Kazu came running into the room, tail straight up in alert.

“I’m still alive,” I grunted. “Barely.”

“Mrow~” He jumped up onto the bed, looking at me expectantly. 

“What?”

“Mrow~“

“I don’t speak cat.”

He blinked at me and I blinked back. After staring at each other for several minutes, he hopped up onto the bed, flopping down against my side. I slowly turned, throwing my arms around him in an attempt to cuddle. I figured he was going to run away because Ryu was the only one who could get away with cuddling him.

He didn’t, though, allowing me to hold him against my chest. I buried my face in his soft fur, wishing that I would stop feeling like the damn walking dead. More than anything, I wished Ryu was here. Maybe I was being clingy but I missed him something terrible, my heart aching.

I heard the front door open, Kazu’s ear flicking to indicate that he heard it, too. Dia appeared at the door of my bedroom a minute later. “Morning. Feeling any better?”

“If by better you mean death then yes.”

She frowned, touching my forehead with her hand. “That fever is being really persistent… I think you should go to the doctor.”

“Doctors are expensive,” I muttered. 

“You’re dating a celebrity, I think you can afford to see a doctor when you’re sick.”

I shook my head, frowning at her. “It’s his money, not mine.”

“You’re supposed to share things in a relationship.”

“Don’t care. I refuse to use his money. Besides, if I ignore it long enough, it’ll give up and go away.”

She sighed deeply, bringing her hand to her face. “Are you hungry?”

My stomach twisted painfully at the thought of food, my nose wrinkling. “No.”

“You have to eat if you want to get better, you know.”

“I ate last night.”

“Half a slice of bed is hardly nutritious.”

“I’m fine, mom.”

“I’m just worried about you,” she frowned. “Have you even told Ryu-san?”

“Of course not!” I replied quickly, scowling at her. “And I’m not going to. As far as he’s concerned, this never happened.”

“Don’t you think he’d want to know?” 

“Of course, he would, but I know him. He’ll obsess over it and worry himself into the ground. He needs to focus on his group, not me. There’s nothing he can do for me so there’s no point telling him.”

She clearly didn’t agree, making me narrow my eyes at her.

“If you tell him, I will steal all your K-pop albums and sell them for one penny outside of Seiyu!”

She gasped dramatically, hands coming up to cover her mouth. “You wouldn’t dare…”

“Try me.”

“Fine,” Dia huffed, putting her hand on her hip. “Do you need anything before I head to work?”

“Can you get me a Dr. Pepper from the fridge?”

Without a word, she left the room, returning a minute later with a bottle of water.

“That’s not Dr. Pepper,” I scowled.

“You shouldn’t be drinking soda while you’re sick. Drink water so you hydrate, not diedrate.”

I scoffed in annoyance, knowing she was right but refusing to admit it.

She set the bottle on the nightstand, giving me a smile. “I’m off, then. Call me if you need me and get some rest. Don’t do anything stupid.”

I watched as she disappeared from the room, listening to the sound of her footsteps fading as she headed for the door. The hinges squeaked when she opened it, squeaking again when she closed it.

I don’t want to rest, I’ve been doing nothing but resting for ages and I’m starting to go stir crazy. I pressed a kiss to the top of Kazu’s head before slowly crawling out of bed, taking a moment to regain my sense of balance. “Kazu, don’t tell Dia.”

He tilted his head back, staring at me with narrowed eyes. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to say he disapproved of my actions or if he just didn’t give enough fucks to tell her even if he could talk.

After making sure Kazu had food in his bowl, I grabbed a Dr. Pepper from the fridge and curled up on the couch to watch some Netflix. I hoped it would distract me from everything or ease my stir craziness, at the very least. Kazu hopped up into the recliner, crossing one paw over the other before resting his head atop them, large blue eyes staring straight at me.

It was only slightly unnerving.

“I’m not just gonna, like, keel over and die ya know,” I scowled at him, earning just a blink in reply. I really wanted to watch The Worst again, but I knew it would only make me long for Ryu more so I chose a funny movie instead. Thank god Deadpool is available in Japan. It’s easily one of my comfort movies and I love Ryan Reynolds so much.

Man, I’d kill to be able to eat some popcorn right now, but the thought of it had my stomach doing painful flips. I scowled, patting my belly. “Relax, ho. I’m not gonna feed you so chill out.”

About halfway through the movie, I felt my eyelids growing heavier but I fought to stay awake. I was tired of sleeping, I just wanted to watch Deadpool and laugh my troubles away! I slapped my cheeks, shaking my head to try and wake myself up and it worked… for about twenty minutes.

Maybe if I just rest my eyes for a few minutes, it’ll help. Yeah, that’s right. I’m just… resting my eyes…

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━

The feeling of being lifted startled me awake, my eyes snapping open and my limbs flailing in panic.

“Calm down, it’s just me.”

I blinked dumbly, slowly lifting my gaze to meet Ryu’s. “You’re not supposed to be here… am I hallucinating again?”

“Again?” He frowned at me, his jaw tense. He didn’t say another word as he carried me to the bedroom, setting me gently down on the bed. “Do not get out of this bed.”

I frowned at him, not used to hearing him sound or look so annoyed. My eyes followed him until he was out of sight and I heard the front door open and close loudly, making me wince. Ryu was always so patient and kind, even when someone was trying to rile him up. He playfully gets mad with his members, but it’s nothing serious.

Seeing him act this way now… I knew I had fucked up royally. Tears stung at my eyes but I blinked them back, sniffling loudly as I reached for a tissue to blow my nose. God, I bet I look like an absolute mess.

I’ve always been self-conscious around him because he’s just so beautiful and I know I don’t deserve him, but my insecurities have, for the most part, stayed hidden in a dark corner of my mind. He made me feel loved and accepted, seeming to crush those negative thoughts every time they tried to crawl out into the light.

Now, though, I was completely overwhelmed. My body was at its limit and it was affecting my mind, as well. I felt weak and pathetic, like a burden on Ryu who had raced home to help me because I couldn’t help myself. Was he going to get into trouble for this? Would he lose his spot on The Rampage? 

He leaned against the doorframe, arms folded over his chest and jaw clenched. “Why didn’t you call me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you -“

“Bother me?” He echoed in disbelief. “Do you even consider me your boyfriend?”

“What? Of course, I -“

“You never tell me anything. You’re always hiding your feelings, hiding when you’re sick. Don’t you trust me?” He shook his head, brow furrowed in frustration. “Do you not want to be with me?”

The question was enough to finally break me and send tears rolling down my cheeks. He looked at me with a startled expression, body tense as he pushed away from the doorframe.

I quickly rolled over to face the wall, biting my lip to try and muffle my sobs. I tried so hard to stop crying but, as always, my body refused to obey.

The side of the bed dipped, his warm hand on my back. “Please don’t cry… I’m sorry.”

I was the one who fucked up but he is apologizing? Goddamn it.

“Hey,” he called softly, trying to roll me over to face him but I refused, shaking my head. Instead of forcing me, he slid in behind me until his warm chest was against my back, arms wrapped protectively around me. “It’s okay, darling. I’m right here.”

His words only made me cry harder, fists clenching around the sheets. I was a fucking mess and I hated showing this side of myself to him. He was patient with me, though, whispering comforting words to me and rubbing my arm to try and calm me down. It took a while, but I guess I finally ran out of tears.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice hoarse and throat sore. My eyes felt puffy and there was a wet spot on my pillow from all the tears I had shed. “I… I should have told you, I just… I don’t want to, to ruin your career…”

“That won’t happen,” he assured me, trying to roll me toward him again. This time, I allowed it, not having the strength to fight back. His brown eyes met mine, swimming with love and warmth. He cupped my cheek, thumb brushing away the remnants of my tears. “I thought my heart stopped when Dia called me.”

“I told her not to,” I muttered, focusing my eyes on his necklace, unable to hold his gaze.

“I’m glad she did. You’ve been suffering alone for days,” he frowned, reaching down to press a kiss to my forehead. “You still have a fever.”

I pushed at his chest while simultaneously trying to sink into the mattress. “You’re going to get sick!”

He chuckled, taking my hand and pressing it over his heart. The steady beat was comforting. “I’m not leaving your side until you’re better.”

“But The Rampage -“

“Sends there get well soon wishes. I can’t promise Likiya-san and Zin-san won’t scold you when they see you next,” he smiled, pressing another kiss to my forehead before standing up. He started to leave the room but paused, sending me a stern look. “Don’t you dare move.”

While he was gone, I sat up to grab some tissues to wipe away my tears and blow my nose in an attempt to look a little less like a bog witch. I doubt it helped much, but he didn’t seem to care as he returned with my favorite Halloween mug, steam rising from it.

Ryu sat on the side of the bed, careful not to spill it. “Drink this, it’ll help.”

I tried to sniff the air but I couldn’t smell anything. I eyed it wearily. “What is it?”

“Ginger tea. My lola used to make it for me every time I got sick. She swears by it so she made sure to teach me how to make it.”

I was a picky eater, so trying new things always made me feel weary.  I trust Ryu, though, so I took the mug from him and gave it a careful sip. It filled my body with warmth, tasting slightly spicy. Not like chili pepper spicy but more like… herbal spicy.

“It’s good,” I murmured, closing my eyes as I drank more of it. My throat was already beginning to feel less scratchy and sore.

“I’m guessing you haven’t eaten, either?”

“Define eaten.”

He held back a sigh, running a hand through his hair to compose himself. “I’ll make you some Lugaw.”

“Lu what now?”

“Lugaw,” he repeated with a chuckle. “My lola always told me that it has healing properties and it always made me feel better as a kid. I… don’t know if I can make it correctly, but I’m going to try.”

“I bet it’s going to taste amazing,” I assured him, reaching out for his hand. “You’ll put Gordon Ramsay to shame.”

His cheeks tinted, a goofy smile on his lips, and his eyes lighting up. “Thank you. I’ll do my best.”

When he stood up, I tried to follow only for him to click his tongue.

“No, you need to rest.”

“I’ve done nothing but rest,” I scowled. “I want to watch you cook. It calms me.”

He seemed to consider it for a moment before nodding and holding out his hand to help me up. His arm remained around my body as we headed to the kitchen and he didn’t leave my side until I was safely on the chair. Watching him truly did make me feel calm, along with the beverage that I was drinking. 

I felt a tiny bit better already. Maybe his grandma is really onto something with these home remedies. “How long are you staying?”

He hummed as he cut up more ginger. “I told you, I’m not leaving until you get better.”

“And I told you, the longer you’re around me, the higher the risk of you getting sick. You’re already missing work because of me. If you get sick, you’ll miss even more. What if they fire you?”

“I promise you, that’s not going to happen.” Ryu sent me a reassuring smile but I didn’t feel very reassured at all. “Our managers were very understanding when I told them.”

I slid down in my chair, setting the empty cup on the table. “You could still get sick and spread it to the other members.”

“I won’t get sick.”

“How can you be sure of that?”

“Because I have a phenomenal immune system,” he grinned, making me scoff. 

“What was that you said to me? ‘Famous last words,’ was it?”

“Except I’m not going outside in the winter without a coat only to be caught in the rain.”

I opened my mouth to reply only to scowl, realizing he was right. “Wipe that grin off your face, Ata Ryutaro.”

“Yes, darling,” he chuckled, returning to the task at hand. 

I tried to ignore the fluttering in my chest and the warmth at the tips of my ears when he called me that. I adored it when he called me darling, but it wasn’t something he said often, especially not in public. 

I couldn’t find the smile that came to my lips. I truly was the luckiest human on earth. “Hey, Ryu?”

“Yes?” He paused what he was doing to look at me. “Do you want some more tea?”

I shook my head. “I just wanted to thank you. You really are an amazing boyfriend.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he mumbled, hiding his face from me.

“I love you.”

His eyes met mine, filled with love and warmth. “I love you, too.”

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━

I stretched my arms over my head, smiling as I breathed in the fresh air of the morning. After a couple of days under Ryu’s care, I was nearly back to my old self, though my body was still a bit achy. At least I could breathe properly now and the room didn’t spin when I got up too quickly. 

The time spent with him was a nice bonus, too. I never wanted this to end, but I knew he had to be getting back to work. With one last look at the cloudy sky, I headed back inside to wake up Ryu. Just as I reached the door, I heard a sneeze from the other side followed by a soft groan. 

I pushed the door open with a frown, taking in the appearance of my boyfriend. He still looked tired, his brown eyes lacking their usual luster. He seemed pale, too. “Babe, you okay?”

He smiled at me but it was obviously forced. “I’m fine.”

“You just sneezed.”

He seemed embarrassed that I had heard him. Before he could reply, though, another sneeze ripped from him, followed by a groan as he clutched his head. Rather than deny the obvious, he just pouted at me.

I hummed, approaching the bed so I could take his face between my hands. I could feel how warm he was before my forehead even met his. “You’ve got a fever.”

His fingers curled around my wrist, lips brushing against my own when he spoke. “I think I caught your flu…”

“Yeah? What happened to that phenomenal immune system of yours, hm?” I teased softly, brushing the hair from his face.

“You’re really going to tease me when I feel this bad?”

“Sorry, baby,” I chuckled, pressing a kiss to his lips. When I tried to pull away, he chased me with a whine. I chuckled, knowing how clingy and whiny he could get when he was sick. “Well, on the bright side, I get to return the favor and nurse you back to health.”

“‘M sorry,” he mumbled as he laid back down. “Will you stay with me?”

“You don’t even have to ask.” I slid in next to him and he slotted his body against mine, face buried in my neck as his limbs wrapped around me. I hummed softly, running my hands through his hair until his breathing evened out.

Maybe this makes me a bad person, but… I’m kind of happy that he caught my flu. God, I sound like such a bitch thinking that way, especially since I knew he was going to be feeling miserable, but I do love being able to take care of him. Despite being younger than me, he’s always been the caretaker in the relationship, going out of his way to accommodate me and my needs. It feels nice to be able to take care of him for a change, to have him rely on me.

His phone vibrated on the bedside table and I cursed softly, reaching my arm behind me to try and grab it. It was not comfortable at all but his limbs were like chains around my body, holding me in place so I couldn’t really move. I’m not entirely sure how I did it, but I managed to grab a hold of his phone, answering it without much thought so it wouldn’t wake him up.

“Hello?” I spoke softly, not wanting to disturb his sleep.

Zin said my name in surprise. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling great, actually. Ryu is a really good nurse.”

“That’s good to hear. Why are you whispering, though?”

“He’s asleep and I don’t want to wake him up.”

There was a moment of silence and then a deep sigh on the other end of the line. “He’s sick, isn’t he?”

“Um… kind of?” I replied sheepishly. “I’m really sorry, Zin-san. I tried to get him to leave but you know how stubborn he is…”

Zin chuckled. “Yeah, I know. No need to apologize.”

There was muffled talking in the background before the phone shifted to Likiya. “Hey, little one. You feeling better?”

“I’m doing great, Likiya-chan, but Ryu caught my flu, I think.”

“I figured he would,” he replied with a laugh. “Listen, we’ll be there soon but don’t tell Ryu.”

“Eh?” I replied louder than intended, making Ryu mumble and squeeze himself closer to me. “You’re coming here? What for?”

“We wanted to check on you and cheer you up, but I suppose we’ll be doing that for Ryu now.”

“But all of you are going to get sick, too,” I frowned.

“Don’t worry about us, little one, just worry about taking care of our Ryu. See you soon.”

I blinked dumbly as the sound of the dial tone filled my ear. Do these boys have no self-preservation at all? They’re skipping work to come here and risking getting sick in the process, thus keeping them out of work even longer. I sighed deeply, setting the phone down on the bed.

Something tells me this isn’t going to end well. The Rampage is known for having only one brain cell combined and stuffing them all into our small apartment with a sick Ryu and an introverted Kazu? What the hell could possibly go wrong?

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━

I stepped outside, hands stuffed into the pocket of Ryu’s hoodie as I glanced around. Likiya had messaged me a few minutes ago saying that they were about ten minutes away from the apartment so I figured I’d come out and meet them. A few of my neighbors aren’t very fond of strangers in the building and these guys would no doubt be loud on their way up. I also didn’t have much faith that they wouldn’t go to the wrong apartment despite knowing where we lived.

A familiar-looking black car pulled up to the curb and Dia stepped out of the back, looking annoyed. The driver was Kelso again and she, too, looked annoyed as she jumped out of the car, eyes narrowed at Dia. She was still wearing that ridiculous hat which I now realized was Buu from the Dragonball series.

“Go away!” Dia scowled, folding her arms over her chest. “I already told you, I’m not buying your fake CDs!”

“How dare you! They’re not fake, they’re economic,” defended Kelso with a huff.

“They’re fake and you should be in jail!”

“Jokes on you, I was just released from jail!”

I watched the two of them argue back and forth, unsure of how to proceed. Do I try to break it up? That sounded like more effort than I was willing to spare, especially since I needed to be at full battery to deal with the storm that is the Rampage.

Speak of the devil…

Two tan vans pulled up to the curb behind the black car. The sliding door on the first van opened up before it even came to a stop, Shohei jumped out of the vehicle with a grin as he cried out my name. I had no time to prepare myself before his body barreled into my own, arms so tight around me that it knocked the air from my lungs.

“Nee-chan~” he sang with a grin. “I missed you~”

Likiya rushed over with a scowl. “Put her down, Shohei! She just recovered from being really sick!”

He pouted at being scolded before doing as he was told, putting me back on the ground.

I sucked in some air, resisting the urge to cough as I patted his shoulder. “Good to see you, too, Sho-chan.”

“How are you?” asked Likiya softly, holding out his arms for a hug. It was much softer than the one Shohei had given.

“I’m doing well. Wish I could say the same for Ryu.”

“Don’t worry, he’ll be better in no time,” he reassured me, giving me a gentle squeeze before pulling away.

I realized the arguing had stopped and I glanced over at the two women, both of whom were staring at the men with wide eyes. Dia’s eyes were trained on Makoto while Kelso’s were trained on Takuma. The scene behind them changed to pink, sparkles and roses appearing around their heads as hearts appeared in their eyes.

Shit, am I hallucinating again? I quickly shook my head, rubbing at my eyes before looking at them again. They were just standing there staring at the men, no sparkles in sight.

“You okay?” Kazuma patted my arm, tilting his head to the side. Hokuto was beside him, sending me a concerned look.

“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” frowned Hokuto, reaching forward to feel my forehead. “You’re not warm, that’s good.”

“Sorry, I just zoned out, that’s all. Why don’t we all go inside? It’s getting colder out here.”

Shohei and Kenta didn’t need to be told twice as they darted into the building, followed by Zin who was trying to wrangle them in. The rest slowly filtered inside and I noticed the two girls following as if being pulled by an invisible stream tied to their bias.

Rui was the last one outside, getting a bag from the van. As he turned toward me, I noticed the woman from the car sitting on top of the van. Just like the other two, there were sparkles and roses around her head as she stared at Rui, hearts in her eyes.

“So dreamy~” she sighed, grinning like a fool.

Rui blinked, looking at me. “Did you say something, nee-san?”

“You heard that, too?”

“Yes.”

My eyes widened at the woman. Was she not a hallucination, after all? I quickly waved at him. “Come on, Rui, let’s get inside! I think the cold is getting to our brains.”

The woman looked up, winking at me before disappearing before my eyes.

━━━━━━༻☔༺━━━━━━

[wttcsms]

same anon who will die on the daylight hill ‼️ when you said time flies when you have an on and off relationship with your writing, i felt that 🫣 it’s been a year since my last one-shot, and 4 years since the fic ppl still ask about…. it’s like “🥰 oh, how nice….” *thinks about other things instead*

but let me tell u. the time that passes between updates hardly matters bc the feelings daylight elicits are immortal!! the longing, the hopeful love between them…. the safety and the desire to offer safety *sobs* it’s GOLDEN and it’s left such an impression on me, i’ll be ready to jump in 💘

stop!!! this makes me so happy to hear 🥹 if ur ever comfy with hopping into my dm's, show me ur writing!!!! i want to be one of the ppl still hyping up ur fics and then jumping for joy whenever i see an update 10 years later 🤭 (which is the same rate i'll be updating at... rihanna might actually drop an album and go on tour before we ever see a new update from me)

u actually snuck into my brain and grabbed all the thoughts related to the theme of daylight and then spouted it all back to me (bc i refuse to believe that my writing did a good enough job at depicting what i wanted to, so u have top tier reading in-between the lines 🤭🤭🤭) i hope you enjoy part three in its entirety bc we get to see even more of that longing and SO MANY PARALLELS in the roles reader and colt take up in their relationship. eventually, we will see reader becoming colt's safety in a big way (and we get to see colt being insecure in the relationship bc of his "status" and what he's done during the war)!!!! so very excited to see him and reader form an even deeper connection after all the awful things they will be forced to endure in pt 3 <3

[letlovelightlife]

I make my world small.

I shrink into the already small apartment

And when I leave,

I shrink into an even smaller box

And drive to bigger places where I still feel small.

I make my world small.

There are 2.8 million men in Colorado

But I spend my mind ruminating on three

I make my world small.

I eat the same meals

And never finish the same coffees

I watch the same shows

Until I forget I’m disintegrating

I make my world so small

That I can eventually fold it into my mind

And my mind feels so big that I somehow feel even smaller

This small world has one small circle with only four stops

Time, money, sex, and doubt

I take the same route

But it always ends with me looking up

Lost for a way out

I make my world small

But I never stop looking for bigger things

I meet a woman at a bookstore

And we immediately feel important to each other

She tells me I have to go to Mexico with her

I say I want to,

But money, time, money, time.

I’ll try

I get my own apartment and my world feels enormous.

Until I remember that it isn’t

My father dies

And I make my world smaller

Because I shrink into unexpected mourning.

I meet her again the day after he dies

This time she doesn’t ask if I’m going to Mexico

She tells me, “You’re coming to Mexico”

It is a crack of sunshine that lights my small world

And heats my small home

From March to July

A friend takes me to the airport

And brings me coffee and food and hugs me goodbye.

I am rich.

4 of us enter a villa in the small city of Teotihuacan

Lavender grows everywhere

We are served a 4-course meal

Every day at 3,

And there is a never-ending supply of cinnamon coffee

I am rich.

We walk to the pyramids often

And I realize I am witnessing something

So old, so grand and so wonderful—every single day.

The world feels big and I am expanding

I am sitting in a temazcal on a cactus farm

With the other 3

And an elder we just met.

We are topless

I’ve rubbed fresh aloe steaks all over my body,

Sweat over hot stones for hours,

Smoked his sacred peace pipe,

And cried enough until I could not speak.

My world is thawing out and opening up.

I am rich.

I am staring at a painting that has stunned me silent and left me open-mouthed

Guadalupe dripping in honey

Not only is it beautiful, but it is unreleased and unfinished and I’m seeing it

While next to the artist that made it

I’m stuck in a moment that few will witness

Glued there by the honey

The bees on the canvas stretch my world open.

I’m rich.

In a hammock

I hold a fluffy Siberian cat with big blue crossed eyes.

Clutching my new favorite book in one hand

And petting him with the other.

We are spinning and I’m thinking,

I’m rich.

I’m in a tunnel under the Pyramid of the Feathered Serpent

Receiving a private tour of one of the greatest archeological findings in history

This world is so much bigger than I’ve ever imagined

I realize this is the closest to the earth I’ve ever been and probably ever will be.

They let me hold an ancient artifact to my breast and I can’t stop thinking,

I am rich.

I’m terrified, but I take a deep breath and declare

‘I won't die because life is a dream, a beautiful dream.’

From the balloon, the world has never looked bigger.

The specific scent of the air over that sacred land on that early morning with those specific people brings tears to my eyes.

Until I whisper ‘I’m rich’

We are still on the tarmac

But a child on the plane asks ‘Are we on the sky?’

And I smile to myself

I am rich.

Maybe it was the therapy

Maybe it was the mushroom capsules

Maybe it was the friends that fed me to the brim with deep belly laughs

Maybe it was all the animals I held

Or all the prayers in my name

Maybe it was finally being able to hug my family regularly

Maybe it was the long walks with Carol

Maybe it was the stones I held and inhaled

Maybe it was the best sex of my life beginning in my thirties

Maybe it was all the free concerts

Maybe it was the hours spent in the hot springs

Or the Trazodone

Or all that time alone

Maybe it was finally making somewhere my home.

Maybe it was my week in Mexico

The sacred spaces

The steam in the temazcal

The stone doll

Frida’s house and her blue spilled everywhere for miles

Maybe it was the poetry

But I no longer see my life as ‘poor me’

I am rich.

I’m Rich:April Dawn

[the1975attheirverybest]

Hi! I was gonna comment on your initial post asking about info booths at Taylor Swift concerts but ended up on a tangent and it was too long for the comment section lmao. So, I went to night one at MetLife which was soon after the show Matty was at when he played with Phoebe during the opening set, and there wasn’t anything of that nature that I remember seeing anywhere in the stadium.

As an aside since I’m seeing all the talked about highly curated everything she does is, in retrospect the Eras tour is honestly so strange from a fan perspective. She doesn’t allow the audience to talk back to her at all, she never holds out the mic for the crowd to sing an iconic line, and all the talking bits seem to be nearly identical night to night based on watching IG/TikTok posts from various locations.

On the flip of that TikTok - ification coin you get the people like those at 1975 concerts that get aggravated when Matty isn’t super playful and chatty so I guess it can be argued that she wants fans to have the same experience at every show so that kind of “backlash” won’t happen….but also if she did a gender reveal or something for someone in the pit I feel like that would make them so happy lmao. What’s wild is that I feel like a lot of 1975 fans overlapped with Taylor fans but the one subsection that hates him with this unfounded internet passion was so loud they drowned out anything else.

idk I could never exist like like she does, it sounds fucking exhausting and I’ll die mad that we didn’t get the collab version of slut! - esp they were friends for a decade before all this shit went down.

This was so rambly - no pressure to post it 💕

Gotcha. Thanks for chiming in re: info booths! I was hoping to be wrong about that one lol. But I guess not.

Yeah I mean, idk, fan interactions tend to be part of the live gig experience. But, in her defense (see yall im not some hateful bitch lol) I think she might be thinking that since she does HUGE productions and outfit changes etc etc. she makes up for the lack of audience participation by giving them something else.

I’m honestly not too sure about SATVB. I wasn’t at ATVB so I only have TikTok’s to go off of, but matty was very chatty and fun at my Baltimore show. He wasn’t at MSG night 1 but I think that’s partly cuz the crowd sucked lol. They didn’t even know the lyrics to most songs. he was chill and funny at MSG n2. I think when people complain it’s cuz they want him to either be overtly sexual again or want him to be controversial. Like, MSG N1, the group of 3 next to me did NOT stop talking about how he was so much better last year when he touched his dick (consumption) and whatnot. It was disgusting. They didn’t even focus on the show. Just on objectifying him and waiting for him to do something crazy.

[waugh-bao]

@charliesmydarling It’s honestly true, Keith and Shirley are shockingly close in so many ways to being the same person.

1. They’re both trained artists. Keith studied graphic design at Sidcup Art College and Shirley went to the Royal College of Art for sculpture. (The shirt Keith is wearing is his own design and the horse behind Shirley is one of her creations).

2. Keith and Shirley are big fans of Chuck Berry and the blues.

“Shirley, who loves old school rock ‘n roll, was very excited about seeing Chuck Berry.”-Stanley Booth

“[Chuck Berry] is the granddaddy of us all.”-Keith Richards, 2017

3. As such massive rock fans, they worked very hard to keep their favorite drummer in the Stones.

"The one regret I have of this life is that I was never home enough. But she always says when I come off tour that I am a nightmare and tells me to go back out."-CW, 2012

“Keith always asks what the hell I would do [if I retired].”-CW, 2019

4. They’ve got very, very similar style, which Charlie was always full of praise for.

“The way Keith dresses is amazing. Often I’ll put on one of his belts or something made of tapestry and it looks fuckin’ ridiculous on me. Keith has beautiful style. He has a way of putting on clothes together that I’d never dream of."

"Who is the most stylish woman in the world? Shirley Watts, in her own way.”

5. Neither is the biggest fan of Bill Wyman personally.

“Shirley, staring at Bill as if she were thinking of something else, said, ‘I read something that said all that’s left for the Stones now is to die before they’re thirty, and I thought it was terrible, I was very upset, and then I remembered Bill’s already thirty. So that’s alright.’”-Stanley Booth

“Well, it’s not like Charlie quit.”-KR on Wyman leaving the band, 1991

6. They’re both extremely sassy, and don’t mind embarrassing Charlie every once in a while.

“We [girls] weren’t to go into the studio while the band was recording, but she [Shirley] decided she was going and took me. Mick was furious and ordered us out, but Shirley hissed at me, ‘Don’t move!’ So we sat there with Mick pulling faces at us through the control room glass.”-Chrissie Shrimpton, MJ's Girlfriend 1963-1966

“Later in the evening, just to embarrass Charlie, Keith jabbed a needle full of smack through his jeans and into his bottom. He left the syringe hanging there, walking around the room and laughing.

‘He’s fucking ‘orrible, Charlie murmured.”-Stephen Davis, 1991

7. They share a big soft spot for animals, especially strays.

8. Plus, they prefer a quiet country life with family to go along with the animals, and a big library.

“If I’m not working I usually read. I like Colette and Jane Austen or books on sculpture and painting.”-Shirley Watts, 1991

“Keith Richards has extensive personal libraries in both of his Sussex and Connecticut homes. I’m fact, he has so many books that he once considered ‘professional training’ to better manage his vast collection.”-Colleen Collins Books, 2012

9. Both of them are quite loyal, and always willing to look out for each other.

"She [Shirley] didn’t mind at all that both Mick and Keith gave Charlie a goodnight kiss on the mouth.”-Philip Norman, “Mick Jagger” (2012)

"I remember a guy comes up and bothers Charlie's wife and Keith smashes him over the head with a beer bottle, while holding a baby, as he pushes the guy down the stairs."-Ronnie Schneider

“She [Shirley] has known Mick and Keith for many, many years and she loves both of them.”-CW, 2012

“Charlie hasn’t changed much since I met him first except that he’s a lot happier since he got married.”-KR, 1965

10. And, of course, they both adore Charlie completely.

“I love Charlie even more than when we married. I'm so mad about him. He has an incredible depth of sweetness in his nature.”-Shirley Watts, 1998

“Charlie Watts is my absolute favourite. He has all of the qualities that I like in people. Great sense of humor, a lovely streak of eccentricity, a real talent, very modest.”-KR, 1998

[winderlylandchime]

I know i said sorry already but again sorry, he fucking went crazy. Anyway here’s 3x05 1/3 ‘He won’t be able to do it huh? I cant even pee in a public restroom, i would die.’ ‘SO THEY START THE SHOW WITH MIKE JERKING OFF AND IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS GIVE ME THE PIANO FUCKER?! I CANT WIN! How can Justin pretend that he’s into this? He takes whose breath away? What are these cringey lines? Who allowed this? *groans loudly and proceeds to almost slide off the couch*‘ ‘Oh are we getting political now? I don’t know how to feel about this. Why can’t we just be vibes and Brian? We’ve made it so far with just that and i’d say we are having an excellent time’ ‘can he please fuck the fuck off with this fucking violin already? I actually hate the sound of it now.’ ‘TED IS A REPUBLICAN?! That makes zero fucking sense’ *pauses tv* ‘i want him to win if that means he fucks off already. HA HE LOST! TO A WOMAN! I know that had to hurt. He really thinks he’s the best, doesn’t he? I’m surprised he’s not blaming Justin for fucking it up. IS HE GONNA GET AN AGENT AND THEN LEAVE? PLEASEEEEEEE’ ‘i actually really like the banter between Mike and Brian when Mike can act normal towards him. I would never be able to jerk off again if my mom would mention anything about- well good for you Mike, go whack off’ he once again groaned the second he saw Ethan. I think he maybe hates him more than me. ‘YES GO ON A TOUR! GO! FAR AWAY! (The agent says if ethan signs he doesnt wanna see justin again) PLEASE SIGN PLEASE SIGN! SIGN IT RIGHT NOW! HERE *he throws a pen towards the tv* JUST DO IT! I’ll even spell your name for you! Just sign it! Oh wait.. he wants him to be hetero to be famous..oh’ And now Stockwell is up..Pray for me. ‘Who’s he? Why does Brian care for mayors? I forgot whose who with the mayor thing that Debbie was yelling about’ ‘NOPE YOU CANNOT TAKE HIM TO THE DINER THAT IS BRIANS PLACE! Why does he walks so fucking weird? Hopefully it leaves you single, Justin! And back with Brian! OH COME ON ETHAN! I EVEN GAVE YOU A PEN!’ ‘Oh shit so he’s the cop? BRIAN! WHAT IS GOING ON?!‘ ‘Jen!! I missed you baby! Where have you been my girl? Why haven’t I gotten any scenes with her and Brian? Imagine her being all i miss you BriBri…my dudes, you haven’t even been together for a month? Why are you buying a house?’ ‘BRIAN! why would he work with a homophobic cop? THAT LOOK *points to Brian after Deb tells about Ethan* is a look of a person who also wanted Ethan to sign the deal! Glad I’m not alone’

Mikey not being able to get off in the sperm bank is always hilarious.

Eeee I cannot wait to hear how he reacts to “there’s nothing noble about being poor” because YES Brian wants him to sign the deal.

And I am so excited for the Stockwell arc through your Brother’s eyes.

[kindnessisweakness2]

Perfect Chaos - Part 8

Pulling up to the cabin shocked Ez and Angel instantly. It was fucking huge and not what they were expecting at all. The modern building stood tall in front of acres of green woodland. On the left side of the building there was a large lake with a small dock. A large garden area overlooked the beautiful view, with large sofas and a fire pit. Riley slid off of Angels bike and took her helmet off as she made her way towards the keypad. Quickly typing in the numbers, she stepped back as the large black gates opened and waved at Coco to drive through. "This isn't like any cabin I've ever been to." Ez smiled at Riley as she met them by the front door. Smiling wide at him, Riley finally felt safe with the gates closed behind her. This was her dad's cabin and his security system was second to none. She always used to joke that he was preparing for the purge to come true. "Lets go in through the garage. You can put your bikes inside." Leading them towards the right side of the house, she stopped outside a large grey rolling door. Entering another code the door started to lift and the 3 boys eyes widened like kids in a candy store. The garage was huge with various tools lining the walls. But the best bit was the 3 vintage Harley Davidson Motorcycles parked in the corner. Instantly the lads made their way over and admired the bikes. "You ride?" Coco questioned Riley. Shaking her head she laughed. "No. They were my dad's. I promised I'd never get rid of them. This cabin was my dad's. He left it to me when he died. I can't bring myself to get rid of his things." Quickly changing the subject, she headed towards the door that lead into the kitchen of the cabin. “Lina, I’ll leave you to show the boys their rooms. The usual rules. Dads old room and office is out of bounds. Help yourself to anything, the fridge will be stocked and your beds made up. Maria and the kids only left last night, she was kind enough to set everything up for me.” Lina furrowed her brows in confusion as she took a step towards her best friend. “Wait, your not gonna stay with us? We can have drinks by the lake like we used to.” Lina’s hopeful look quickly faded to disappointment as Riley shook her head. “Sorry. I really wasnt kidding about all the work i have to do. Ill be in my room if anyone needs me!” And with that she disappeared through the kitchen and down the hall. Letting out a loud sigh, Lina turned to the boys. “Come on. Ill give you the tour.” 

3 Hours later and Riley was still locked away in her room. Angel was clearly restless. Everyone could see it on his face as they sat around the fire pit with drinks in hand. His beer had now gone warm and the label had been obsessively picked off. “If you want her that bad just go to her.” Ez grinned as Angel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, your brothers right. Shes not even eaten yet. She gets lost in her work you know.” Lina smiled at Angel trying to encourage him to pull her best friend out of work mode. “What is she even working on in there?” Coco questioned. Lina rolled her eyes shook her head. “You really never listen to me do you?” Coco grinned at his frustrated woman “I do. Just every time you move your perfect lips i think of something else.” Lina couldnt help but smile. Half lovely, Half pervy. Definitley a Coco comment. Turning to the others she couldnt wipe the smile from her face. “ So you know she’s a doctor? Well shes running her own private practice giving people free health care. Anyone who cant pay their medical bills she helps them. She sees other people too, the ones who can afford to pay do and the ones who struggle, she takes care of it. She’s finally got a meeting with the Mayor next week to petition the local council to give her funding to help the people of Santo Padre. She’s trying to show them that people dont have to die or struggle for their health. That there is a way to help them.” Angel’s chest filled with pride at his woman. She was so clever. So caring. “But she does too much and she doesnt know until too late.” Pride quickly moved to worry as Angel leaned forward in his chair. Lina didnt even have to wait for his question before she quickly started to explain. “She never says no. Like currently shes got this whole free health care thing going on. But shes also agreed to write 2 Articles for the medical journal, One about cardiology and another about her recent research into Fetal Substance Syndrome and the effects during and post pregnancy. Then on top of that she has her normal shifts at the hospital, alongside seeing her appointments for the private clinc and shes even trying to sign herself up for a rotation on the pediatric ward because she wants to learn as much as she can. And when you add everything on with Jake, i really dont understand how she hasnt had a mental break down yet.” Ez widened his eyes at the revelation. “Fuck, thats alot. I dont think i could even handle that and ive got a great memory.” Angel shook his head and shushed his brother. “Why doesnt her family help? She said the other night shes a fuck up. What bullshit. Shes amazing.” Lina sighed and took a swig of her beer. “Its not that simple with her family. Shes the oldest sister. They put so much pressure on her to be perfect you dont understand. We grew up together i watched it all. The diets her mom used to force her on. The comparing to her sister constant. Being told shes never good enough. She wanted to sing. Shes fucking brilliant. Her mom put her down every chance she got so she followed her dad into medicine. Dont get me wrong shes fucking great at what she does, but her voice. fuck she couldve gone far. She writes too. Never sings her own songs anymore tho. its a shame.” Lina shook her head. “No the only one she was close to was her dad and he died of Cancer years ago. Riley cared for him till the end. God, ive never seen her so broken. She was so ill. I was so glad he left her this cabin tho. She spent every summer and every christmas here. Maria, the lady she mentioned earlier, she was another nurse who helped her care for her dad. Known her for years. She lets her and family stay here whenever they want. She see’s it as a way to say thank you for all her help. They have a great relationship and are still close now. Dinners, Cook outs, she even goes to Maria’s kids birthdays. Maria and the kids are like her only family left.” Leaning back in his chair, Angel looked to Ez. It was quiet for a minute as everyone digested the information. “No.” Angel broke the silence. “She has us. She has club. Fuck Jake. She’s my girl. Him hurting her ends here.” Standing up, Angel made his way into the cabin and headed straight to Riley’s room.

Knocking on the door, Angel knew he had to take care of her. Fuck he loved her more than anything. And he knew how stupid it probably sounded as they’ve not even been together long at all. Well if you can call their arrangement together that is, but he would lie down in the goddamn road infront of a bus before he would let anyone or anything hurt this girl again. When no response came from inside Angel opened the door and couldnt help the smile that spread across his face. There she was, lay on the bed on her stomach, headphones on typing away. Textbooks and paper surrounded her. In that moment Angel couldnt help but stand there and admire her. She really was perfect. An oversized T-shirt barely fell to the tops of her thighs and her bright fluffy socks bunched around her ankles. The feeling of being watched made her panic and fling her headphones off sitting up. Relief washed over her instantly as she saw who it was. Smiling at him as she sat back on the bed, Riley gathered her papers up into a pile. “Sorry its a mess in here. Do you need something?” She asked as she moved from the bed to place her papers and books in a neat pile on her desk. Stepping further into the room, Angel wrapped his arms around her from behind gently. “I need you to take care of yourself. You haven’t came out of the room since we got here. Come eat?” Riley stayed quiet as her head fell back onto Angel’s shoulder. She didnt know how he did it but he calmed the noise in her head. Made her feel safe. Made her feel like she could finally take a propper breath. “I’m ok.” Angel placed a kiss on her neck. The view of the red marks making anger rise in his chest again. He’ll kill Jake when he gets his hands on him. Thats something he will promise. “You dont have to pretend with me.” He spoke quietly as he pressed a kiss to her neck again. “Don’t go back to him.” He kissed the shell of her ear as he almost begged her. “Please. I cant stand the thought of him hurting you again. You can stay with me. Ill protect you, baby.” Riley turned in his arms and lifted her head to look up at the man who wormed his way into her heart so quickly. She knew he would protect her, but her reluctance to agree came from her wanting to protect him. She knew what Jake was capable of and she would never let Angel get hurt because of her. But as she looked at him she knew she had no choice. 

She was going to have to tell him everything. It was the only way to protect him. 

[ma-lark-ey]

Lark Liveblogs Literature episode 3: Six of Crows duology

As we did with Harry Potter, Shadow & Bone Trilogy, and will be doing with The Mortal Instruments when I get back around to them I am liveblogging my reactions to Six of Crows.

What I know prior:

- We’ve got a guy named Kaz, he’s got a cane. My younger sister tells me I’ll adore him so I trust her judgement.

- There’s also a guy named Jesper, who one of my mates stole the name from for a water genasi. He’s queer??

- we also have someone named Wylen. My sister loves him a lot and tells me I will also love him though I am sceptical.

1.) Six of Crows (5/4/23— 10/4/23)

(8/10)

Right off the bat, I really love Inej! Her perspective is really lovely and her affection (/p) for Kaz is very clear from the get-go. It’s so juicy to meet our main protagonist from the perspective of an admirer and NOT themself. I’m obsessed with that.

I’m very respectfully in love with Kaz and did not say I’d makeout with him in the groupchat in front of god and everyone. No, sir. I am the most normal about Kaz Brekker.

Moving on from my goof, I really love Kaz just as a character. Having a disabled protagonist, much less one that’s Top Dog and very clearly feared and respected by his peers is SO GOOD. And quite honestly I think he’s the first disabled protag I’ve seen that wasn’t like, pity porn or magically nullified (at least in books. Love you Toph of Avatar fame). So if anyone has good reccs of other disabled protag books, drop ‘em. I’d love to read more.

OH I LIED ACTUALLY I READ STORMRUNNER!! I just didn’t get a chance to finish that series entirely so sorry I forgot about that. Love him SO MUCH. he and Kaz are my besties.

Inej 💖💖💖

Thats all.

Also the Banter!!! I’m not even a hundred pages in but the banter in Six of Crows is SO much better than Shadow & Bone. Bardugo has really grown as an author between these two series and it shows. The characters feel much more solid in this. Whereas Shadow & Bone’s characters (minus like, Alina, Nikolai, and Mal) felt extremely 2D at times (in my opinion) and I can see layers to Jesper, Inej, and Kaz right off the bat.

MATTHIAS H E L L O TOXIC MAN OF THE WEEK. im going to eat him.

My sister is fighting for her LIFE defending Matthias but I. THIS MAN IS A CONVICTED SLAVE TRAFFICKER??? SHE SAID ITS NOT HIS FAULT. girl. Get help.

Forgot to update this. Kaz is SOOOOO downbad. He’s DOWNBAD. just kiss her idiot. IDIOT. Wylan is funny, I wanna flick him on the forehead and ruffle his hair. He’s so goofy.

I’m not fully convinced Jesper ISN’T in love with Kaz.

THIS FIREPOX FLASHBACK IS A SPECIAL KIND OF FUCKED UP !!! “Together, they drifted, Jodie’s distended body acting as a raft.” Kaz…..

PIECED TOGETHER WHY KAZ HAYES TOUCH IM LITERALLY GOING TO CRY

EVERYONE IN THIS BOOK DOWN BAD FOR EACH OTHER!!! LOVE HEXAGON FR.

The Jylan Wesper whatever the fuck this shipname is development is literally such a tone change from Kaz I’m LAUGHING.

Kaz: This is how my brother died, audience.

Jesper, boutta catch himself a twink: cowabummer.

Nina. Nina you’re better than this. Nina how could you get the alarm sounded. NINA.

Okay debriefing after part five. I’m so. So. So.

Kaz and Inej better kiss. Jesper stop flirting you are about to die. Matthias I almost killed you alive. I wanted to burn you at the stake fr. Nina you’re a queen. You’re theiving. Kaz dont die so you can admit emotional vulnerability for the first time ever. Jesper so proud of you for overcoming tour cringe crush on Kaz. Hurry ip and makeout with Wylan this tension is PAINFUL.

THE ENDING THE ENDING THE ENDING SHSBSBSBSB THATS SO MUCH IM GOING TO EAT WYLAN I LOVE HIM. BOY OF ALL TIME. ILL MAKE OUT WITH YOU.

2.) Crooked Kingdom (13/4/23-17/4/23)

(9/10)

Listen. Okay. My Tumblr was glitched out for the first half of this book so I couldnt say anything but I can NOW.

All of this is WILD.

Kaz Brekker, you are stupid and dumb and I NEED you to be honest about your emotions for ONCE. i swear to GOD you pathetic little WORM.

Wylan’s mother what the HELL. what is HAPPENING. This is so fucked up I hope Jan Van Eck gets his life fucking destroyed by Kaz fuck him UP.

Kuwei i love and hate you so much you cheeky fuck that was so sly but also how fucking dare you do Jesper like that. Little shit. You’ve been too heavily influenced by these deceitful little canal rats.

Wylan babygirl I love you. I’ll kill you if you ACTUALLY spilled to your dad. Honestly thank god Kaz barely tells you anything. I love you. Rot in hell for this one.

STURMHOND 💓💓💓 NIKOLAI LANTSOV 💖💞🖤💚💞 I DIDNT EXPECT TO SEE YOU IM SO HAPPY YOURE HERE I MISSED YOU BESTIE MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH IM SUCH A NIKOLAI GIRLIE YOU GUYS.

Oh update on Matthias I’m neutral on him now. Sorry for my Matthias slander earlier. I do still have beef.

Everytime a plot twist happens in this book its like “YES. MICHAEL. what do you want now? More money? A check? My SOUL?”

Okay Wylan. Sorry I cussed you out so bad. You’re good. We’re friends again

MATTHIAS DIES????

Wild ride through and through. Obsessed with this. I would’ve liked to see more of Inej’s closure than we did— but I’m not mad at it. I think Pekka being the closing chapter was. I dont know. I have neutral feelings on the Pekka chapter.

I do think I like Crooked Kingdom more than Crows? I really liked it a lot !! And. I will be honest with myself and admit its because of the Sturmhond content. I know myself. I can admit when I am foaming at the mouth over my #1 bestie babe of all time Nikolai Lantsov.

That’s. All. I suppose?

Really did enjoy it !! If you have a fic where we see more of Inej and her family reuniting. Drop it. Or recs in general. I need more recs. I dont know the tag culture of this fandom yet <<3 scary <<3

Next series: All For the Game, Nora Sakavic.

Bonus:

Here’s my ranking of the Crows, btw. I love them all but some. Significantly more than others not sorry.

1. Wylan Hendricks

2. Inej Ghafa

3. Kaz Brekker

4. Jesper Fahey

5. Nina Zenik

6. Matthia Helvar

I dont know if this is a hot take or not. I just. <<3 Wylan and Inej <<3

[lqfiles]

TROLL KINGS OHFBDBDJJDJD GAG THEM AGAIN. Like guys april fools is over say sike rn..😂 honestly i can see fireflies getting litty like WE GON LIGHT IT UP LIGHT IT UPPPPP😭🔥 but omfg i didnt know yall fw her like that??? Now bring hrvy on tour and sing DNYL 🌝🌝🌝🌝

Omfg i get u so bad sis.. i didnt manage to go last year and i was depressed af and when i tell u AF i mean ASFFFFFF like we was here at home watching tds fancams or even music show performances to fill the void ✌️ like not me pulling up concert vlogs just to know what the experience would be like omo we were going thru it and thugging it outttt BUT I HOPE U GET TO GO SO BAD AUUUGHHHH WE NEED THAT LQDREAM COLLAB 🙈

Yassss moving to privtwt is like the best decision i made foreals (insert that klaus tvd 🤫 gif) someone: whos lqfiles? Me: THATS OOMF😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ok srsly tho ugh i hope one day we can link up on the bird app ur too fun to not be in my pokemon oomfie collection 😪

DONTTTT EVEN BRING UP RENJUN I GET TEARY EYED THINKING ABOUT IT. BBOSONGSEEEE YOU WILL COUGH IN 3 DAYS. SM YOU WILL D##. LEE CHAEMIN YOU WILL FLOP. RENJUNIE WE WILL AVENGE YOU.

- 🍮

you know what you’re right let me optimistic, i’m sure they can make fireflies lit like i’m imagining fireworks and confetti, WE GETTJNG LITTY AS HELL REGARDLESS TRUSTTT and hsjdhsk imagine they actually get hrvy and perform DNYL that would be fun idk..

YOU GWT ME SO WELL i was attached to that screen like i was part of the team, i was ready to die for this dream shit LIKE WHY DID I BECOME ELITE DREAMZEN FOR A FEW MINUTES 🌝…. was screaming along with the crowd like i really thought i was there it was crazyyyy, WE WERE BOOKMARKING EVERY CLIP ON TWITTWR TOO LIKE IT WAS SERIOUS BUSINESS i was tweaking baaaddd if i don’t go this year i will just have to end it.. LQDREAM HDHSJSDK THANK YOU BES hopefully the link up will happen, we need you there too it’s gonna be lit asf 🤫🤫🤫

one day.. i been thinking about making a new main account for a while anyways, i like being nugu on twitter so i can say whatever i want 😅 anywaysss trustt i’ll give you my @ if i ever do and that lqfiles pudding anon link up is gonna be real michin THEYRE NOT READY FOR US SIS

THE CHAEMIN COMMENT HSJDHSKSK 😭😭😭😭 no but real sorry renjunnie idc if that’s your friend.. we still don’t fw him for that 😑 AND WHILE WE’RE AT GET THOSE FEARNOTS TOO WHO WERE INVOLVING THEMSELVES talking about “you mess with chaemin, you mess with fearnots” ???? 😭 i chuckled icl, they act like the guy is apart of the group all because he mcs with ec. it’s crazyyyy like no one scared of you guys i promise… BUT YEAH BBONGSONGEEE YOU HAVE 5 DAYS LEFT, PANNCHOA YOURE GETTING SUED SO 😂😂 #RENJUNKARMA

[burner-12]

Sociopathic tryna mask my compulsions just to stop people from worrying about my behavior from this disorder Used to feeling so cornered and when Im backed in I’ll do anything to not disappoint My biggest flaws come from that viewpoint to not annoy behave yourself and they still stay I got plenty abandonment issues I haven’t dealt with Many more traumas that made me respond like this I used to lie to myself to go to sleep at night like it’s not going to happen again and you’re gonna be alright but am I really tho Soon as I’m feeling good that’s when it hits me with the lowest lows Even my mom let me go I’m surprised she didn’t a second time when I was on life support it would’ve been so easy people would’ve grieved me and moved on cause life just likes carry on I often wonder why the good die young later on I realize why I wasn’t amongst them. Cause I’m a bad soul that shit is the color of vantablack so less then one percent of light escapes Making me think what do people see in me anyways Ain’t no soul in this little body since the first day that’s why they used me to hurt people in the worse ways Shipped me overseas just watch peoples bodies flayed Worse shit I saw was this small child around my sons age we breeched this building and an idiot in my unit was too shaken I don’t blame him but the boy came out playing was a ball soon as he saw him was shot and his brains were on the wall I was gagging and threw up I ran over tryna help him but they keep dragging me back off him I was screaming so much it became silent I hate the things I’ve done I’m sorry to that child and to his parents I couldn’t imagine covering my child in a 3 shroud sometimes I think back and wonder how old he would’ve been now That was on my first tour so likely he would’ve been 12 Fuck I’m getting sick to my stomach damn I know I’m going to hell

[alightineverydarkness]

February 25th, 2022

It seems almost pointless to try and find words, because words, a mean of communication, cannot square up to the immense indifference of war: it simply does not care. In the past two days, I have not been able to sleep for more than three hours, most of my time spent coming to terms with a very real possibility that none of my hopes and dreams in life are going to come true, no matter how hard I may have tried. There is a good chance I won’t be a musician, or put out a successful album, or finish the records I’m working on right now, or go on tour, or have a signature style, or produce someone else’s record, or get to grow old and have a cool catalogue, or be a Brian Eno or a Scott Walker. A good chance I won’t marry, start a family, live somewhere else, build my home, or a house, or plant a tree, or see my girlfriend again, or move in with her, or have sex. I may not get to see my friends, or any of my favorite musicians, or live music in general, I may never get to read any of the fantastic books I’ve bought over the past couple of years, or finish the one I’m reading right now. It’s not unlikely that I’ll never get to wear nice clothes again, or get new shoes, or that t-shirt I want to make, or nice glasses. Or fix my eyesight. I may never get to try another haircut, or change my style, or get a new tattoo, or get to see if I’m actually balding or not. Maybe I’ll never get to cook a really good meal again, or get to go vegan, or have a house party, or try really nice whiskey, or do karaoke again, or learn to drive a car, or hear a great new album, or watch all the documentaries I was going to, or finish «Seinfeld», or even get to see Putin die — which seemed a guarantee until yesterday, with him being old and deserving of it, you know. There is a chance I’ve already heard the funniest joke I was ever going to hear. There is a chance that this me here is my final form and this was how I lived and this is what I’ve achieved in a life. I have no regrets and I have done my best to love, to be kind, to be honest. Of course, though, as I write this at 3:29 AM on February 25th in Kyiv, 24 hours have not been so far enough to confront and reconcile with my mortality, or draw a bottom line under the facts of my life, or get any of my mental affairs in order, but this felt necessary to realize. Now I am imagining someone else in my apartment, taking down my posters, carrying off my books somewhere, possibly going through my laptop or hard drive, potentially even sharing some of the mediocre unfinished music I left. Well, anyway.

Right now we are expecting the first airstrikes upon Kyiv, which were predicted to start at 3 AM. I just woke up my roommate, who slept in the hallway, since his room faces the street, and my plan for today is to finish a song for a new alias of mine, share it, and sign up for the territorial defense, provided with my non-military skillset I can be of use. After all I just said, it may be surprising, but I am not sad, not anxious, not scared, only angry.

[johnhardinsawyer]

In a Certain Place

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

7 / 23 / 23 – Eighth Sunday after Pentecost / Proper 11

Genesis 28:10-22

Romans 8:12-25

“In a Certain Place”

(There Are So Many Ladders)

When my cousins and I were growing up, we would sometimes go visit our Granny and Papa in Glasgow, Kentucky for a week in the summer.  One of the highlights of those summer visits was the almost yearly pilgrimage to nearby Mammoth Cave,[1] which is the largest known cave system in the world.  I’ll never forget the time we went down into the dark cave with Granny as part of a large group and the park ranger told us about the difference between stalactites and stalagmites – those pointy stone formations in caves which are formed, over many years, by dripping water and mineral deposits.  Stalactites hang from the ceiling of a cave.  Stalagmites grow up (like little mountains) from the floor of the cave.  And sometimes, in certain places, over a long time, with a lot of dripping water and minerals, a stalactite and stalagmite will grow together from floor to ceiling to meet in the middle and form a stone pillar.  Of course,” the park ranger said in his best Kentucky accent, “here in Kentucky, a pillar can be a thing that holds up a ceiling or a pillar can be what you lay your head on at night.”  Suddenly, a collective groan was heard in the cave from just about everyone in the tour group.  The joke was just that bad.  

Every time I hear the story of Jacob and the stone that he uses for a pillow out in the wilderness, I remember that park ranger and his corny, groan-worthy “Dad Joke” about the pillow that became a pillar.  Now, Jacob was out in the open – not down in a cave – but he did find himself in the dark, in need of a pillow.  

You might remember from last week that Jacob was kind of a sneaky fellow – especially when it came to trying to better himself within his own family.  Not only has Jacob finagled his twin brother, Esau, into selling his own “eldest son birthright” for a bowl of lentil stew, but right before today’s passage, Jacob – posing as Esau – has gone to visit his father Isaac in disguise.  Isaac, who has poor eyesight, is fooled by the disguise and gives Jacob the blessing, by mistake.  According to tradition, the blessing that Isaac gives Jacob was the kind of thing that was only given once – no take-backs – and it was given only by someone who was close to death.  In the chapter right before today’s reading, Isaac says to Esau, “Go and hunt some wild game for me and come back and cook it and bring it to me, so that I may bless you before I die.”[2]  Isaac’s wife, Rebekah, hears him say this to Esau, and so she cooks up the plan with Jacob to steal the birthright blessing.  

Oh, if there were such a thing as marriage and family therapy back in those days, can you imagine what those sessions would be like with this crazy family?  Anyway, when Esau finds out what Jacob has done, it is clear that Jacob is going to need more than therapy if Esau gets a hold of him.  Esau sets out to kill his own brother and Jacob makes a run for it.  So, this is where we find Jacob in today’s story – we see a young man who is beloved by his mother, but hated by his brother and thought of with frustration by his dying father.  And now Jacob is on the run, far from home, in a desolate place, all alone. . . or so he thinks.  

But, as today’s story goes, when Jacob arrives at a certain place, he stops to spend the night and finds that stone to use for a pillow.  Somehow, he is able to get comfortable enough to fall asleep.  Maybe he’s just so tired that he could have fallen asleep anywhere.  Either way, in the night he has a dream.

Now, the Bible is filled with stories of people who have dreams – from Jacob’s son, Joseph, in the Old Testament, who dreams of his older brothers bowing down to him[3] to a different person named Joseph in the New Testament, who dreams of an angel that tells him to keep Mary as his wife because the child in her womb is the Messiah.[4]  We see dreams in the Book of Acts, too, and all the way through to the dream/vision of John of Patmos in the Book of Revelation.  But, way back in Genesis, Jacob is the first major character in the Bible to have a significant, life-changing dream.[5]  

Out in the wilderness, all by himself, Jacob dreams of a ladder that stretches all the way from heaven to the earth.  In the original language, this ladder is really a stairway or a ramp, built up along a hill or mound.  The root word, here, is also part of the word for “highway,” as in, “a raised [road]way or public road.”[6]  In the dream, Jacob sees the angels of God ascending and descending on this holy highway.  One commentator writes that when Jacob sees this in his dream, he is certain that he is “precisely at the entrance into the heavenly world.”[7]  You see, in the ancient world, there was this idea that there was – or is – “a narrow place where. . . all [interaction] between earth and the upper divine world took place.”[8]  Other people throughout the centuries have called this “narrow place” a “thin place” – where the line between the heavenly and the earthly is blurred.  Some of you might remember that we have talked about thin places before – places where heaven and earth seem so close together that they might as well be touching.  These thin places could be as different as a holy site in the Holy Land, or the island of Iona in Scotland, or the sanctuary of the church you attended as a child, or the camp where you had a spiritual awakening as a teenager, or the room where a child was born, or the grave where a loved one is buried.  A thin place could also be the sound of a certain song, the taste of certain food, or the touch of a certain person.  

In other words, so many places can be thin places.  As the nineteenth century artist and intellectual, John Ruskin, once wrote,

This PLACE, observe; not this church; not this city; not this stone, even, which [Jacob]  puts up for a memorial — the piece of flint on which his head has lain. But this place; this windy slope . . . ; this moorland hollow, torrent-bitten, snow-blighted; this any place where God lets down the ladder. And how are you to know where that will be? Or how are you to determine where it may be, but by being ready for it always?[9]

Ruskin asks something profound, here: “How are you to know where that [certain narrow, or thin place] will be – [where God will let down the ladder and where you will experience the divine]?”  To which Ruskin answers his own question (which I’m paraphrasing here):  “No one knows, exactly, where God will let down the ladder, so you’ve got to pay attention, you’ve got to be ready, you’ve got to (as Jesus tells us), ‘stay awake.’[10]”  So many places can be thin places because God can let down the ladder – maybe so many ladders – anywhere and anytime.  It would be good for us to be ready, Because, if we are paying attention, God’s ladder – God’s ramp, God’s holy highway, the thin place where God meets us and stands beside us – will catch us unaware.  

Jacob – on the run, a veritable orphan from his own family – finds himself somewhere. . . a certain place. . . any place. . . and God lets down the ladder.  It’s clear that Jacob isn’t quite prepared for this.  When he wakes up from the dream, he says, “Surely the Lord is in this place – and I did not know it!” (28:16).  To which the Lord says, “I am in this place, and don’t call me ‘Shirley.’”  Just kidding – God doesn’t really say that.  In truth, what the Lord says to Jacob, here, is far more important.  Eugene Peterson translates it in this way:  

I am God, the God of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac.  I am giving the ground on which you are sleeping to you and to your descendants.  Your descendants will be as the dust of the Earth; they’ll stretch from west to east and from north to south.  All the families of the Earth will bless themselves in you and your descendants.  Yes.  I’ll stay with you, I’ll protect you wherever you go, and I’ll bring you back to this very ground.  I’ll stick with you until I’ve done everything I promised.[11]  

Here is Jacob – feeling all alone – and God tells Jacob that he is not all alone.  God is with him.  Somehow, Jacob – this finagling supplanter; who, through trickery, causes his own estrangement from his own father and brother – this orphan of his own making, on the run from his own earthly household – has been chosen by God as God’s own.  “Yes, I’ll stay with you,” God says.  “I’ll protect you wherever you go. . . I’ll stick with you. . .”  

This is the message that the Apostle Paul offers to us in today’s first reading from the Letter to the Romans.  Somehow – even though we human beings always fall short of God’s high and holy expectations:  we are tricky, and sinful, and usually on the run from one thing or another.  And yet, God still seeks us out, finds us, and chooses us.  The phrase that Paul uses, here, is that “we have received a spirit of adoption.”  (Romans 8:15). In the original language, there is this sense of being adopted by God as becoming a “secure child”[12] of God.  There is no orphanage or foster care system and the uncertainty that can come with those things.  There is only the sure and gracious choice and secure love of God.  “I choose you,” God tells Jacob – God tells us.  “You belong to me and I will take care of you.  I have a new and different future prepared for you.  All will be well.”  

Of course, as Paul writes, all of creation is groaning for this new and different future – because we have not necessarily seen it yet.  The world is still filled with troubles and the future can be tinged with so much worry and fear – with wars and rumors of wars, the climate crisis, and so many other things.  All of creation groans, not because of some bad joke – but groans real groans, because we are longing for something different – a different life, a different path, a different future from what we can see with our own eyes.  And yet, as Paul writes – even though we may be groaning inwardly while we wait to know the fullness of what God’s adoption means, we still have hope.  At least that’s the idea of what faith is all about.  

I’m willing to guess that most of us have not had the benefit of a dream like Jacob’s or a Paul on the Damascus Road moment, but this doesn’t mean that we haven’t encountered a few of God’s ladders – thin places – where heaven is glimpsed, however briefly, on earth. . . When this happens, we might just find ourselves saying with wonder, “I had no idea that God could be here, in this place. . . with me!”  Sometimes, a brief and precious glimpse of heaven here on earth – inspired by the Holy Spirit – is the only thing that gives us hope.  And sometimes – with enough glimpses coming in fits and starts and so many drops of grace over time, the Holy Spirit forms  something permanent in our hearts and souls – a pillar of memory and hope and faith.  

Whether we know it or not, we live in a world full of places that have been certain holy places for so many people.  Jacob catches a glimpse of heaven and he takes his pillow and sets it up as a pillar, so that people will know that God was – and is – in that certain place.  Whether we know it or not, we live – surrounded by many such pillars. . . so many certain places where God has let down so many ladders.  Who knows where and when the next one will be?  

May God find us ready to see and know the Holy in our midst.  May the knowledge of God’s great love and Holy adoption fill us with hope and faith, granting us confidence for whatever the future holds.  We have a God who sticks with us, no matter what.  We are never alone.  

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.  

----------

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammoth_Cave_National_Park.

[2] Genesis 27:2-4 – Paraphrased, JHS.

[3] See Genesis 37.

[4] See Matthew 1:20.

[5] Aside from a fellow named King Abimelech in Genesis 20, who is warned in a dream not to take Sarah as a wife (because Sarah was already married to Abraham).

[6] F. Brown, S. Driver, C. Briggs, The Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew and English Lexicon (Peabody: Hendrickson Publishers, Inc., 1997) 700.

[7] Gerhard Von Rad, Genesis: A Commentary (Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1961) 284.

[8] Gerhard Von Rad, 284.

[9] https://victorianweb.org/authors/ruskin/trujillo11.html.

[10] See Mark 13:33-37 and Matthew 26:41-42.

[11] Eugene Peterson, The Message: Numbered Edition (Colorado Springs: NAV Press, 2002) 50. Genesis 28:13-15.

[12] Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1979) 833 and 359.  υἱοθεσία as a combination of υἱοσ (son/child, 833) and θεσία (secure, 359).