#but I also stand by it as a general Nancy post-canon headcanon

[c-is-for-circinate]

Ok so regarding the stranger things extended universe, i definitely want to know more about nancy and her storyline, like does this become her career ? investigating government conspiracies? And how does she feel about it? About not living a more peaceful life after everything?

After something like Hawkins, there are three ways to go if you want to keep sane, Nancy thinks. Or, well. As sane as any of them are, now.

Some of them went out into the world ready to grab life and joy with both hands and all their teeth, the memory of how close death came to devouring them enough to spur them on to devour life right back. (Eddie's playing Boston next week, wants to know if she'll go to his show; Max and El, last Nancy heard, are learning to surf.) Some of them went out into the world still full of combat reflexes they didn't mean to keep and tripped into a new fight, a slower quieter more mundane one. (She saw the photos Jonathan took last time he visited Steve and Robin in Chicago, the protests last month, the signs, the flags.) And some of them...well. Some of them left the lessons of Hawkins a little less behind than that.

They won in Hawkins, inasmuch as burned-out buildings and the town memorials and the deep scars cutting through a still-damaged downtown count as winning. That battle's fought and won and done. But Nancy hasn't forgotten who started it, and it wasn't Henry Creel.

(She'll argue with Dustin about it, over a mountain of fried shrimp and a pitcher of beer he's somehow old enough to legally buy, because Dustin's always cared more about the how than the why. He thinks the important lesson of Hawkins is that the laws of physics known by everybody across the global scientific community are wrong. They spend an hour and a half going back and forth about Oppenheimer and Eisenhower, Regan and Brezhnev and Martin Brenner, because one of the only differences between Vecna and a nuclear bomb is still the fact that nobody thinks Vecna could exist, but Dustin is wrong about why that's important.)

Science can do a thousand things nobody thinks it can do. Science can split an atom. Science can split dimensions. It doesn't matter why it's possible; it doesn't even really matter what's possible, beyond the fact that massive governments with thousands of soldiers and billions of dollars can always kill when they want to. Whether it's a bomb or a child experiment or a gas leak.

What matters, every time, is that people are dead. What matters is that the public needs to know.

Nancy makes her name in college breaking a story about illegal sewage dumping near a residential neighborhood before the Boston Globe even has it. She gets a professor fired for plagiarism. She almost gets expelled for libel when she tries to run a story about date rape on campus. (She almost gets caught slashing tires, after that one, but she learned from the best. Erica Sinclair taught her plenty about stealth, and Murray's been trying to drive in the idea of patience since the first time they met.)

It's not about monsters, it was never about monsters. There aren't any more monsters, Nancy thinks. (She keeps a licensed handgun in a shoebox in her apartment, because she ran out of ammo for the Makarov years ago, because monsters aren't the only things that like to threaten too-curious reporters in the middle of the night, and because you never know.) It's always been about the people the monsters destroy.

Nobody will ever believe the story of what destroyed Hawkins, probably. (Maybe someday they'll declassify. Nancy has a four-hundred-page memoir under lock and key in the safe where she doesn't store her gun, if the world ever gets there. Maybe she'll just pass it down to Mike's grandchildren.) But people know now that it was Hawkins National Lab. That some kind of government weapons research, right there on Indiana soil, broke a small town in half. That's something.

Nancy graduates college and interns anywhere she can get a foot in the door. The Globe. The Times. The Washington Post. The Post, finally, sticks. There's an editor there who loves to give new reporters just enough slack in their leashes to hang themselves with, so they can fill the back of the paper with issue-selling scandal and then have somebody to fire if the wrong person in power gets upset. Nancy does three months of research, jotting off puff pieces and human interest stories about charity work and bills with no opposition, quietly filling up file folders of photos and receipts and evidence that nobody can prove she didn't obtain legally. Her first headline runs on a Tuesday morning and gets a White House senior staffer fired by Thursday afternoon.

It could have gotten her clearing out her desk by the end of Friday, but Nancy was careful. Nancy was smart. It chafes from the inside out, like a blister on her soul, but she knows all about water it down. She could've implicated a dozen elected officials in this, and ten of them would have skated right by with no trouble, just plenty of cause to make Nancy trouble right back. (There are already people in Washington who know her name. Nancy knows there are files about her in the Pentagon.) So she's careful, she's delicate, and she implies nothing at all about anybody she can't demolish outright. She waters it down. It gets her a promotion.

.

Nancy doesn't drink icewater vodka, herself. She likes whiskey instead, in her coffee, in her tea. She talks on the phone with Murray Bauman at only the most irregular intervals, and he sneers at her in a way that Nancy's pretty sure translates, on Murray's tongue, to a colleague's respect. She tries not to lie. She's better at it, nowadays.

Nancy is hungry, has always been hungry. Has always been starving, one way or another, all the way back when she was twelve years old thirsting for adventure in the basement with her little brother, fifteen and ravenous for a challenge, an experience, the chance to grow up. She's choked on what she thought she wanted enough times that you'd think she'd learn by now. Mostly what it's done is toughen her teeth and teach her to chew.

She wants truth, and she can have it for herself, if she's good enough. If she doesn't try to force-feed it to the rest of the world too hard. She wants respect, she wants justice, she's selfish and selfless and hungry for all of it.

She wants to not be so afraid. She wants to not be so alone. She wants, sometimes, just once in a while, to be a little bit quiet and a little bit soft and rest.

It didn't work with Jonathan the same way it didn't work with Steve, or Liam, or Casey, or Diane. Nancy aches to be a little less alone, but she doesn't starve for it. Never once in her life has she been hungry for a person the way she's hungry for everything else. Never once in her life has she actually fallen in love back.

But Jonathan is at her front door again, because Jonathan is a yo-yo to all the people he's ever loved: backing off to give them time and space to grow, rocketing off into the world alone just for a little while, just as long as he can bear it, and then slinging himself back. Back to her again, this time.

Jonathan knows the score. Knows she loves him as much as she's ever loved anybody, other than Barb and Mike and her mother and Holly. And if it's not hunger -- if the closest Nancy has ever gotten to hunger for another person tends to happen in that oh-so-very, very discreet bar where Nancy can wear a perfectly-tailored suit and buy whiskey sours for girls in short skirts with no nightmares behind their eyes -- well, Nancy's never wanted most of them past the next morning anyway.

So sometimes Jonathan is on her couch and sometimes he's in her bed, and sometimes they fuck and sometimes all they do is sleep. When she needs a photojournalist, he's never once let her down. When she has nightmares, she wakes up just as terrified, but it's so much easier to pull herself together with someone to pull it together for. And Nancy Wheeler has never been in love, will never be in love, but she doesn't know what it could possibly have to offer that she could want more than that.

.

Does Nancy like her life? Wrong question. Stupid question. Better to ask if Nancy would have it any other way -- and well, yeah, she'd have a president who didn't sexually harass interns, a national defense budget that wasn't ten times the size of the department of education's, and a coffeemaker in the office that didn't get grounds in everything. She'd live in a world that didn't need her, find a new thing to be hungry about. Maybe she and Barb would both be on track for tenure by now.

In this world, she has half a dozen Pulitzer nominations and a Polk Award on her bookshelf. She has a locked filing cabinet full of other people's secrets and a locked safe full of her own. There's a file with her name on it somewhere in the Pentagon, although she hasn't managed to sneak in to read it yet. She's pretty sure the files on her desk about Pentagon staff are thicker.

[strangeswift]

Hi Robin Buckley enjoyers, if you care about Robin Buckley's music taste this very niche post is for you! Your local former band kid and music extraordinaire (me) is here. This is long.

All information on Robin's music taste was given by Maya Hawke. And before you argue that "Actors don't affect what is canon," Okay well Maya does. The costume department let her take home Robin's converse in season 3 (which she wears in every episode) and write whatever she wanted on them. Because of Maya Hawke, Robin's sneakers canonically have "I won't go down in history but I'll go down on your sister," and "TIDDIEZ" written on them. Checkmate.

So for our musical headcanon purposes we are going to take everything Maya says as canon.

I know that in season four Robin has the line, "Madonna, Blondie, Bowie, Beatles, music, we need music!" while she's sorting through Eddie's tapes as Nancy is getting vecna'd. But I believe she's just naming very popular artists hoping it will be a song Nancy would like. So I haven't taken this line into consideration for our purposes. (Though we do know from this interaction that Robin definitely is not a metalhead.)

According to Maya Hawke, this would be Robin's music taste:

I whole-heartedly agree with her take on this, all four artists. This is just correct. And as I said, canon.

But what would Robin's favorite artist be, and what's her favorite song?

So glad you asked because I'm about to tell you!

Maya Hawke said in an interview that Robin would have the same music taste she does, because they are very similar. (More on this later)

If Robin's music taste is Maya's music taste, then it stands to reason that her favorite music would be most similar to Maya Hawke's own music.

In my opinion (which is correct because I know more about this than you so shut up) out of these four artists, based on overall lyricism, lyrical themes, musical themes, and vibes, the artist most similar to Maya Hawke is unarguably: Patti Smith.

But what is Robin's favorite song?

People Have the Power by Patti Smith! (Released in 1988, but go with it!)

Two reasons for this: it is one of the most similar to Maya's music lyrically and vibe-wise, and the lyrics would undoubtedly resonate with Robin.

If you're at all familiar with Maya's music you can see the similarities in lyrical themes: use of multiple metaphors, use of imagery, overarching social commentary.

I won't go too much into why the lyrics would resonate with Robin but I will say that the Robin who spit in the face of a Russian general and mocked him would resonate with a song about people having the power rather than the government having the power. Also the fact that she and the rest of the main characters keep having to save the world rather than the U.S. government who got them into this Upside Down mess in the first place. And lastly, I think this song is a powerful song for anyone who feels powerless, like for example a lesbian in small town Indiana in the 80s. Or just a teenage girl in general.

Okay NOW let's talk modern day music because it's fun.

If you write modern Day AUs that include Robin you're legally required to read this:

In the same interview that Maya said Robin would have the taste she does, she specifically mentioned Phoebe Bridgers.

When asked about Robin's music taste on the red carpet at the Stranger Things premier, Maya Hawke again said that Robin would like the same music she likes and mentioned MUNA, Phoebe Bridgers, Charli XCX, Samia, and Christian Lee Hutson.

Another good take btw.

So what would be Robin's favorite modern day song?

If we're not allowing Maya Hawke to exist in our AU because that's too meta, I'd stick with Phoebe Bridgers as her favorite artist because she's mentioned her multiple times when asked this question and in the first interview Phoebe is the only artist that she mentioned.

So assuming Phoebe is her favorite artist and her taste in music is as close to Maya Hawke as we can get, then I can confidently say that modern day Robin's favorite song is:

Graceland Too by Phoebe Bridgers

(Source: I have listened to every Phoebe Bridgers and Maya Hawke song more times than any reasonable person should and this is the most similar. I wont waste your time breaking down why.)

Robin would also resonate with the lyrics:

To her it would represent the thought of getting out of Hawkins one day (or already having gotten out of Hawkins), as well as the isolation that comes with being a lesbian in the 80s or even just being unpopular in high school. Also her neurodivergency (I hc her with ADHD because I have that and she is just like me fr but autistic Robin truthers you are so valid and honestly there's probably more canonical evidence for that). And lastly the idea that she would "do anything" for someone refers to both how selfless of a person we know she is but also the fact that she falls hard for people, we see that with Vickie.

Bonus! What would be modern day Robin's favorite album?

You might think Punisher, because that's the album Graceland Too is on.

You'd be wrong.

The correct answer is:

Folklore by Taylor Swift!

Maya has said her most recent album Moss was heavily inspired by Folklore, and while it is distinctly different it definitely comes through in the album. And I'm not going to do lyrical analyses on why every song is relatable to Robin, but as a Taylor Swift Expert, just trust me on this one.

I'm considering making 2 playlists one for 80s Robin Buckley and one for modern Robin Buckley but we'll see.

If you read this entire thing you are entitled to one free kiss on the mouth idk why anyone would read this incredibly niche ramble but tysm.

[findroleplay]

Hey there! Posting this ad for the Stranger Things fandom!

About me: F25+ (she/her); my time zone is MST/GMT-7. I prefer to roleplay on Discord, though I also use Tumblr, so either platform works for me! I am a little slow when it comes to actual writing since I work full time and because I write from my phone, so the evenings and weekends are when I have the time to sit down and focus on my threads. However, I am always available to chat, share headcanons and media, etc! I love talking to my partners about everything from our plots to things in real life - I enjoy making friends outside of the sole purpose of roleplaying, so please always free to talk to me about anything! One stipulation that I have is that I prefer my partners to be 25+ like myself; it's just something I feel more comfortable with!

What I'm looking for: I'm open to both CCxCC and CCxOC plots! Below are some of my favorite CCxCC pairings; the bolded characters are the ones I would strongly prefer to play, the italicized characters are my secondary choice if I vibe with the ideas we discuss!

Steve/Billy Steve/Eddie Steve/Chrissy Steve/Nancy Eddie/Chrissy Nancy/Robin

For CCxOC plots, here are the characters I write for/plat agaisnt; the bolded characters are the ones I have the most experience with, the italicized characters are ones I would like to play against!

Steve* Eddie Billy Nancy Robin

*I would love you forever if you let me play against my beloved Steve.

I am not limited to just these characters and/or pairings, however. If you have anything else in mind, by all means please let me know! I'm always open to trying my hand at new characters and pairings!

Some ideas I would be interested in besides the established canon if you're looking to branch out: Dead by Daylight Omegaverse/supernatural (the general idea of a supernatural AU, not so much anything from the actual show) Post apocalyptic (inspired by The Last of Us/The Stand) Slice of Life

There's a lot more I wish I could squeeze into this post, but I will leave these other more minute details to be discussed in private! Just know that I am open to a lot, so please don't be afraid to ask for/mention anything you're interested in! Like this post and I will reach out to chat!

_

[two-sides-samecoin]

This is going to be a long ask I'm sorry in advance.

I guess my major problem with shipping in general is I always ship people that have chemistry in canon and I always make sure ships make sense for the characters in that relationship. Like I know fandom is all about headcanon and alternative universes and it's definitely a me problem that I probably don't have the imagination when it comes to fanon ships like Steddie or Ronance.

Ronance for example just doesn't make sense to me because of what you mentioned, people entirely dismiss Robins feelings and when they talk about Ronance it's about how this ship mostly benefits Nancy. Nancy isn't even queer, I know people headcanon her as bi and if lesbians or queer people identify with her that's amazing but Nancy always gave me homophobic vibes. In the show Nancy is a very judgy person, who sometimes says and does hurtful things but the show never truly adresses her faults so she gives me this weird vibe. The way she talked to Robin also makes me believe she would have problems with her autistic traits, again the way she looked (eye rolling, visibly annoyed) and talked to Robin was just not it. And once again she doesn't apologize for it later, like how she never apologized for cheating on Steve. However, all the characters seem to like her sm she can't do wrong, but as an audience member Nancy kinda frustrats me and I personally want someone better for my girl Robin. Robin is clearly enamored with Vickie, in fact Vickie made her feel normal about her own rambling, which she describes to Nancy as flaws because she felt so judged by her. But this gets largely ignored by the fandom as unfortunately Vickie has not enough screentime, however if she were a dude and we would talk about a gay relationship you bet the fandom would come up with thousands of headcanons for her.

The timing is also off because Nancy hasn't been single since she was like 15, she literally dumped Steve (not clearly) and moved on to Jonathan in two days, and now she seems to be unsure again and makes eyes at Steve. Nancy doesn't know what she wants, she needs to be single and figure out who she is before she keeps hurting people. Being thrown into another relationship, this time a queer one, which she didn't show any signs before would put additional struggle on her self discovery. Like she obviously can explore her sexuality, but she has to deal with her own shit before she can be a good girlfriend to anyone. Like someone made this brilliant analysis how Robin is the first girl friend she was open with after Barb, how probably lonely she is and longs for a friend but then bam they make this post into a shipping one and I'm like please listen to yourself.

I think a lot of Ronance manifesting also comes from the actress pushing for it and idk it got to a point where it's kinda queerbaity with how she phrased Robin is an option for Nancy even though in the canon show Nancy never showed romantic feelings for girls. (On the same note it's kinda queerbaity of the actor of Tommy to come out after years yeah Tommy was gay for Steve even though in the show we never saw that play out. Kinda think he said that to be relevant and bc again every white dude that breathes at Steve is gay)

As for Steddie, well that's like so personal to me because Steve is my favorite. I always watch shows, where I have a comfort character, imagining myself as a character so in reality I basically ship nobody with Steve because I gotta put me first lmao. However my point still stands the fandom wouldn't go this crazy if Eddie wasn't played by Joe Q. If he was played by Eduardo there would be way less discourse about it. Also again in canon Steve was uncomfortable by Eddie invading his personal space and he's so hung up on Nancy (also extremely anti Stancy on my part it honestly ruined s4 for me) he didn't even care that much about Eddie's death.

And again most of the headcanons suck because people mischaracterizes both Eddie and Steve. Like first of all people make out that Steve is in a toxic relationship with Billy before Eddie scoops in or they make him or Eddie the toxic one. Like it's all over the top, especially because people are so obsessed with the whole sub/dom dynamic in that ship. Making Steve some inexperienced loser who never smoked weed for example even tho he was the first character in canon who admitted to smoking in s3, plus he was literally underage drinking in s1. Idk in general people just don't really give a fuck about getting the characters right.

I can see Steve as bi like there are little moments in the show (more than for Nancy) but Steddie still doesn't make sense to simply because Steve looked so disgusted when Eddie was near him. I too wish they would have explored Steve's feelings about how Dustin seemed to replace him with someone better but unfortunately the writers decided to put their focus on a dead relationship and make Steve soley into Nancy's love interest again. (Can you tell I'm still bitter about it?)

It's just frustrating being in the fandom because everyone shoves those ships down your throat, you can't go on tiktok because every tiktok about Steve slowly turns into a Steddie theory and I can't listen to it anymore. I already blocked the respective tags on twitter or tumblr but still. I wish I could be on board with it because it wouldn't annoy me every day and I would love some peace.

Before I joined the fandom for me Stranger Things was always about friendship but now there is a shipping war for every character in that show.

It’s all good I love asks! And I love discussing things. Honestly I love the way you view shipping and seeing if it makes sense for the characters. Honestly it’s all good with not having imagination with fanon ships. I honestly only came up with one at one point and then others I just see floating around and I’m either like ‘cool or nah I don’t vibe with that’ lol.

Honestly yeah I get what you’re saying about Nancy and those vibes that she gives off. Ngl I don’t think a lot about character’s sexualities if it isn’t clearly stated in canon so whenever I saw headcanons about Nancy I was like ‘okay cool’ and then kind of moved on lol. And also everything you said about Nancy. Like I never used to see her interactions with Robin as being bad but then I saw other people stating that they didn’t like the way Nancy reacted Robin. And I can totally see why people believe that way. And why it came off as weird interactions cuz now it comes off to me that way too. Also I agree about Nancy sometimes frustrating you cuz sometimes I can get that way too. But I also think all the main characters in st have moments where you get frustrated at them so I don’t like to be too nit picky about them ya know?

Okay everything you said about Vickie making Robin feel comfortable about her rambling. Like they’re both able to ease each other about their rambling and it just goes to show how complimentary they are. Like Robin also validated Vickie’s feelings about rambling. And Robin listened to vickie too when vickie was rambling. So Robin can ramble but she can also listen when other people ramble and give them that comfort too. I agree about that last comment in that paragraph. Cuz you’re sooo right if it was two dudes talking and it was clear that they liked each other in a romantic way people would go nuts.

Yes yes yes I agree about the whole Nancy thing not being single. And about her wanting to be single. Cuz I’m honestly a firm believer that she should end up single. Cuz she’s very goal oriented in her own goals but when it comes to romance she just doesn’t know entirely what she wants. Yeah like I think Nancy going into a queer relationship especially in that period could also drag Robin down too if ronance happened. Like Robin is so sure of who she is now and what she wants in her romance life. And yet Nancy doesn’t. So it would just end up not being a good mentality for Robin. I think I saw that analysis too and I thought the same thing. Like I was soo annoyed about it cuz the friend thing was amazing and then suddenly romance was in there. And it just tainted the whole thing for me.

Honestly yeah I can totally see why your frustrated about the actress and actor. (Honestly the whole thing with Tommy’s actor was weird. Cuz not only did he state that Tommy had some romantic feelings for Steve, he also stated that Tommy would do anything for Steve. Despite canon not showing that in the slightest and instead in the show Tommy drops Steve like a hot potato). Also ngl I think some of the fandom just doesn’t understand that actors have their own headcanons for their characters too. Especially when the main actors have been on for years at this point. Like it’s obvious that they’re going to have headcanons about their characters just like we have headcanons. And they’re going to have wishes just like we do. But ultimately it’s up to the duffer bros and people need to understand that.

Lmao about the Steve part and wanting to put you first about the shipping cuz like that’s valid. Honestly I totally agree with you about if it wouldn’t have been joe Q they probs wouldn’t have gone crazy about it. Yes like Steve was soo uncomfortable with Eddie but he was just being who he was and helping out eddie. And everyone turned that into shipping. Ngl I would have been fine if Steve finally had another guy friend his own age. Anyway yeah I’m also bitter about the whole stancy thing. I legit hate the toxic aspects of Steve and anyone together. Like idk why they even need to put billy and Steve together as exes when Steve legit would have never even got together with billy in the first place. Like it feels sooo unnecessary.

I also don’t understand why they make Steve or Eddie be the toxic one especially when they like the ship soo yeah making one of them be incredibly toxic is weird. Yeah the whole sub/dom thing is sooo weird also. Yep you hit it right about the Steve characterization part and how people don’t care about his characterization at all. Ngl I think Steve is one of the most mischaracterized in fandom out of all the mains. Mainly cuz of shipping but that’s just my opinion so you don’t have to agree lol.

Yeah I totally see Steve as bi too. Like I think there are some good moments in there to have evidence of it. Yep honestly you’re right. Like steddie makes no sense especially cuz they didn’t even like each other. Sure they came together and stuff but also their foundation only seems to me like ‘we could have been friends if the story ended differently and if Eddie didn’t die.’ Ya know? And even if they were friends it would have been a very basic thing to me. Like I don’t see them being besties besties and close like that.

I’m also bitter about the whole stancy thing ngl. Like I get the intentions of trying to bring them back and why they would try to since this is like the first time in a while that they’re in the same place together on screen. And their relationship ended with a lot of baggage. But I wish it could have been less screen time. Especially because a lot of Steve’s emotional scenes were with Nancy and it just bothers me how he couldn’t get one with Dustin or Max or Lucas. Especially because this little group looked soo promising in the promos.

You’re right like the shoving down the the throats of it all is majorly annoying. Especially because sometimes they use it as weapons too. Like if you don’t like the ship then sometimes you can get called homophobic despite that not being the reason you don’t like that ship at all. Yeah I legit blocked the tags too cuz it’s just been sooo annoying. I also filter out these tags whenever looking for fics so I don’t have to see it. That last sentence is everything!!!! Like st has always been about friendship and yet now all you see is discourse about shipping and etc about shipping. And it’s just the worst.

[youre-all-i-wanted]

Hi!! I have a favor to ask, for anyone who's interested, please read this and give me some feedback on this steddie fic. I'd love to hear your thoughts about what I have going so far. (I am aware that some things are inaccurate to canon and the time period but please try to ignore it for the sake of story telling haha) Any advice would be amazing. Thank you to anyone who reads this. Oh and I know I really need to work on characterization but that's just something I need more time to think about. If anyone has any ideas of any plot points or headcanons to add to this fic I'd absolutely love to hear suggestions!!! I'm really stuck right now so it would be highly appreciated. Please don't judge too much, this is my first time writing anything like this in 5 years. To be honest I'm kind of scared to post this but I'm going to take a leap of faith.

A steddie fanfic (name undetermined)::

CW/TW// alcoholism, drug use, mention of a razor (nothing relating to sh), unhealthy coping mechanisms in general

(I also briefly mention what happened when Eddie got attacked by demobats if that bothers you)

It had been months since they defeated Vecna. Things had been rough for all of them, the nightmares, the flashbacks, the paranoia. They were all on edge, hoping, praying, that everything was gone. That the upside down was closed off for good.

All of them had a difficult time adjusting back to normal life, but seemingly more than others, Steve was struggling hard. The insomnia was getting to him. It had been three days with barely any sleep and he was starting to get nervous.

Fear struck him deep and his blood ran cold when he could've sworn he saw something out by the pool last night, but like any other time, there was nothing there but the wind whistling through the trees.

It was driving him crazy, any time he jumped too hard at a flicker of a light or a creak in the floorboards. Overall, beyond the fear, beyond the dread, was guilt. He felt like he wasn't allowed to feel like this. The empty cavern in his chest and the pit in his stomach always made sure to remind him.

Sure he had been battling these monsters from another realm for years now but that had become his new normal. He couldn't compare his pathetic panic attacks to Eddie almost dying there. Bleeding out, laid across Dustin's lap. Eddie was hardly breathing, the way he looked at Steve, with glossy eyes. He looked terrified.

Eddie didn't really want to die, and it was a miracle he didn't. They had gotten back just in time to haul him through the portal and speed him to the hospital. Steve couldn't imagine the pain and the fear he must've felt.

In fact, he couldn't stop thinking about it. For whatever reason, it stuck out to him. Most of Steve's nightmares consisted of him, Nancy, and Robin not getting back in time to save Eddie, or watching his eyes roll back just for him to start floating. Steve hadn't told anyone.

Whenever Robin would ask him about his nightmares he'd just.. shut down. He couldn't talk about it, hell he could hardly stand thinking about it with how it made his chest tighten and his breathing pick up. He felt awful that he couldn't say anything to Robin. The Robin who had always told him about what she was going through, what her nightmares were like, what had thrown her into a panic.

Every single time, she was willing to share so that Steve would feel less alone, and yet, every single time it came up, Steve felt like a stubborn child for not being able to talk about it.

Why couldn't he just spit it out? It was so frustrating to want to talk about these things, to feel the need to talk about them and then have the words get caught by the lump in his throat. He was so tired of fighting the tears back. It felt so humiliating to cry in front of anyone, even Robin, no matter how many times he'd done it in the past.

He needed to drown it out. He'd tried so much so far, but nothing soothed the burning ache like drinking. He hadn't told anyone. Too ashamed to admit he was running away from everything when everyone else dealt with the aftermath in healthy ways.. or at least he thought everyone else.

•••••••••••

Eddie hadn't gone a night without smoking since he ran out of pain meds from the hospital. Everything was too much all at once and he couldn't cope without being out of his own head. Being sober was like a nightmare, time ticking by torturously slow.

He just needed to get out of his head, his body felt too tense, restless. His limbs didn't feel like his own no matter how much he moved around, it was a fruitless effort.

He grew sick of it quickly and started rumaging through his stash. He'd had a good amount of weed when he'd started but through deals and personal consumption, he was running low and with Reefer Rick out of town for the next week, his access to more was temporarily cut.

He only had enough for one more deal, just for enough money to help Wayne with the bills. Since he knew he couldn't smoke anything, he got to thinking. Suddenly, it hit him. He shot up from the couch in the trailer he shared with his uncle, running for his room.

Wayne always worked night shifts so he knew he wouldn't get caught. Heart rate picking up and head spinning he dug around looking for something he'd sworn he saw the other day.

Just as he thought, tucked away in the back of his closet, on a shelf covered by Dungeons and Dragons character pieces, was a small black tin. Bingo. He cracked it open slowly, not knowing whether he had misremembered, but there they sat.

Just a few bars of Xanax. Relief washed over him from his head down to his feet in a misty wave. His eyes settled on the white tablets, he could finally relax. He quickly decided he needed sleep, so instead of just swallowing it down he'd crush it up and inhale it. He took a razor from the bathroom and crushed a bar on his nightstand.

Around fifteen minutes is all it took to kick in, but a long fucking fifteen minutes it was. Finally, the world went quiet. He started to feel sluggish, like dead weight. Slowly crawling into bed and collapsing, is all he remembers.

••••••••••

Rays of light peeked through the gap in the curtains, flooding the room with a dull glow. Steve cracked open his eyes and winced, even the small amount of light feeling like a jab to his brain. This is the worst headache he's had in the past few weeks.

He knew he had responsibilities though so he begrudgingly rolled onto his side, opening his eyes just enough to glance over at his alarm clock, it read 9:24 am. Not bad for having work at 10:30. He groaned dragging his legs off the side of bed, his foot immediately catching on something. He looked down. Right.. an emptied bottle of vodka sat next to the bed frame.

He knew he was going to have to tell Robin eventually. The worried looks she'd given him every morning when they opened was enough to wear him down day after day, the guilt was practically eating him. Working at Family Video was already tiring enough, he didn't need Robin nagging at him to tell her what's been going on too.

••••••••••

Steve pulled into the driveway at Robin's, a little late since he had got caught up making sure his hair looked right. He could at least try to look presentable, as much as he could with the dark circles under his eyes.

"Hey dingus, what took you so long?" Robin said, jumping in the passenger side of Steve's car, settling in quickly. She then noticed how quiet Steve had been. "Are you okay? Another nightmare? You can talk to me you know."

She looked at him expectantly. His stomach dropped but he waved his hand dismissively. "Just thinking I guess." Robin didn't buy it but decided not to push. "If you're sure.." The drive there was filled with silence.

Steve wasn't sure how to bring up his issue without making it sound like a big deal.

So he just.. didn't.

It was a slow day for the first few hours, a couple customers here and there but not nearly a steady flow, typical for a Wednesday. Steve stood staring into the empty parking lot from behind the counter when Robin suddenly appeared next to him.

"Hey, are you sure you're alright?" Steve tinged at the concern laced in her voice. The last thing he wanted was to see her upset. Afterall she would always be his platonic soulmate, "platonic with a capital P", he'd hate to be the source of her sadness.

"Yeah, all good, I just get lost in my head sometimes, you know?" Robin slowly nodded, "Yeah, I get it, trust me it happens more than you'd think. Do you wanna talk about what's going on in your head or,"

She examined his facial expression closely, it looked.. pained? Almost guilty? Fuck, that's not good. She felt her heart clench in sympathy. Sensing she had overstepped, she quickly backpedaled. "you know what? Why don't you just rewind these and I'll get back to stocking the shelves?" Steve took a stack of tapes from her hands, humming a response while avoiding her eyes.

[ziracona]

i hunger,,,,, pls feed me the post entity headcanons i need more of my happy kids

Heck yeah Anon!

Laurie ends up studying from home a lot, so she can stay with Michael, and teach him, but she enjoys it. Michael is smart, and he’s a quick learner in general. Laurie’s a good teacher, because her brother gets frustrated easily, and she’s great at navigating around that so he won’t quit whatever she’s trying to help him learn. It’s hard for Laurie at first, emotionally, to be walking her brother through reading elementary school age kids books, because it’s so unfair he wasn’t given an education, but after a little while, she gets used to it, and enjoys working with him a lot more than is made sad by it. She’s very proud of him for getting things, and makes him feel good about his progress. He is proud of himself too.

Dwight is a weenie when it comes to outdoorsy stuff bc he never did it, but after the realm, he’s happy to try out hiking and stuff with Jake, and they really enjoy it. Jake is willing to play games and go on tv show binges with Dwight in return, and they round each other really well. They’re extremely happy. They also are way more social than they thought, because they never had and real friends before (for wildly different reasons) and cannot /stand/ Quentin and Claudette going away to college, and go up to hang out and take them on trips all the time bc they miss them, although Jake tries to keep that low-key and on the dl way more than Dwight does (he’s actually more distressed about his absent friends he didn’t know he needed tho lol).

Quentin and Claudette go to the same college, and Nancy goes to Grad School with them. Philip goes too, to audit, since he never got a complete formal education, growing up during a war, and straight up going from where he is to /taking/ courses would be stressful. He takes all of Claudette’s classes w her and she walks him through stuff and is teaching him abt plants. The four of them share an appartment close to campus & enjoy it a lot. Nancy and Claudette share an interest (canon to both) in entomology, and love talking about it.

Meg does end up becoming a PI and working with Tapp, who helps her get certified too. They work missing persons cases for extremely cheap, and try to help people. They’re really poor but really good at it, and David bankrolls the whole squad any time someone looks like they’re in need or maybe would just be happy to see cash. Susie stays with her and supports her through school, and decides to try out a lot of things to kind of find her own way in life. Meg loves her very much and helps her figure herself out. They (and Tapp) stay with Meg’s mom Rachel and Gabriel and his daughter Adrianna (the people she made a deal w who helped her survive her cancer treatment), and get along well. David buys Gabriel and Adrianna a house, bc he’s David, but they live across the street and spend a lot of time all together. Rachel moms Susie very effectively.

Adam’s book is successful. He gets a job teaching again, creative writing this time & literature, and enjoys it. He keeps writing too. Jeff, Kate, Ace, and David are his volunteer beta group and do book club over his new chapters and he loves them so much he has cried about it at least twice. Ace and Adam honor their idea to have people all get together at least twice a year for cool trips. In all honesty, they’re kind of all constantly with each other, just rotating from house to house, but biannually they go somewhere new, or out of the country and new to some of them. Min gets to take Nea to China and shows her favorite spots, and shows Quentin shrines, which she’d really wanted to do. They go to China four years after escaping, at which point Anna is rehabilitated, so she gets to go too.

Anna stays with Min, Ace, and Nea most of the time while Quentin is in college, once she’s deemed no longer a threat and is okay to be out in society. It’s very hard for her, because the world is so different, but her kids are FIERCECLY protective, and make her life really good in spite of all the things that should make it impossible. She and Alan have a really weird relationship, because he’s Quentin’s dad and she’s his weird feralish kidnap/adoptive mom, but after an initially weird phase, they get along pretty well, and Anna spends a good deal of time there too, and at the Cabin in Indiana (which officially becomes Jake, Dwight, and Adam’s place of residence, but is also more or less home to everyone forever). Alan has a hard time figuring her out, because she’s so weird and it’s surreal, but she really loves his kid and after seeing them interact enough and how protective and loving she is, he decides he likes her. He tries to go out of his way to be nice to her and make her feel wanted and welcome and like she fits in. Anna likes him too, although she takes a /long/ time to get used to the concept of a Dad entirely. It actually helps her broach a lot of her lingering distaste for men. Eventually he’s someone she looks forward to seeing, and will bring gifts she makes to, along with her kids and their friends.