#but I just got out of the tutoring session this admin told me she was Very Comcerned about my ability to do well

[humofnight]

always fun to have a new admin nemesis

[multiphandomunnies]

Tete-a-tete || Yves

Requested: Can you write a fem reader x Yves from LOONA, where Yves is known as kind of a player but really likes the reader and tries to convince them to go on a date with her?

Admin: Heather

A/N: My first LOONA request! Hope you enjoy it ^-^ Sorry it took so long, I have tons of work in school right now :c

Words: 3,905 (hope it’s not too long, I really got into it)

Warnings: I used like a curse word or two. Also some food mentions for everyone sensitive to this kind of stuff.

“Y/N Y/L/N great work as always.” Your teacher commented dryly, handing you your graded paper. Even without looking at it, you knew it was another fail. A third one in a row.

It wasn’t that you were a bad student or something. Your grades varied from subject to subject, but learning French was your Achilles’ heel. No matter your efforts, you just couldn’t get it right. It didn’t help that your teacher was the least sympathetic human being on the planet. So you could just suffer in silence. 

“Why the long face, Y/N?” your friend, Yeojin, asked while stuffing her face with a sandwich. Heejin wrinkled her nose in disgust a little.

“I got another F.” you mumbled and picked on your salad. You weren’t in the mood to eat lunch right now.

“Let me guess.” Heejin inquired. “French.”

You could only nod helplessly.

“Why can’t I just… get it?” you asked rhetorically. “It’s not that I’m not trying.”

Yeojin pat you on the back with a little too much force.

“Maybe you just need a little help.” She suggested. “We will find you a tutor and they will guide you through everything.”

“Heejin!” you facepalmed yourself for not thinking about it earlier. “You’re great at French. Please, please, please make me understand this stuff.”

Your friend looked conflicted. She didn’t want to disappoint you and make you helpless once again.

“I’m sorry girl, but I’m already tutoring someone.”

You and Yeojin exchanged confused glances. Heejin was blushing because of the unwanted attention.

“Who are you tutoring?” you asked slowly. Maybe it was just some loser who could be ditched in the name of friendship.

“Hyunjin.”

Well, fuck. Heejin was whipped for that girl.

“Maybe you thould athk Yveth?” Yeojin mumbled incoherently because of her stuffed mouth. Heejin offered her a napkin with a scoff.

“Swallow and repeat, child.” She chided. The younger girl rolled her eyes but did what she was told to.

“You should ask Yves.” She said, making Heejin choke on her water.

“Ask who?” you questioned. You didn’t know anyone named like that.

“One of the biggest players in our school, Yeojin are you thinking straight?” Heejin explained, glaring at the small girl.

“Straight is not the greatest choice of words here.” The little girl snickered and continued devouring her food.

“Who is he?” you asked impatiently. You really needed help.

“She is a total womanizer and I don’t support her tutoring you.” Heejin huffed stubbornly.

“Isn’t Yves a name for a dude?”

“She knows something! Maybe a tutor won’t be necessary.” Yeojin teased with a bright smile.

“People gave her that nickname because she’s good in French.”

“French everything.” Heejin rolled her eyes at Yeojin’s comments but didn’t deny.

You couldn’t deny that it piqued your interest. Whoever that girl was, she definitely had some reputation. Maybe she was your only hope and you desperately needed to pass the next test.

“Can you introduce us?” you asked and Heejin shot you a disbelieving look.

“Have you heard anything from what I told you?”

“Please, Heekki.” You begged. “I can’t get another bad grade.”

Heejin looked conflicted. She avoided your eyes and tried to find good reasons for you to not ask Yves for help.

“Fine.” You squealed and Yeojin whistled. This couldn’t be so hard.

 You were right, it wasn’t hard. It was freaking impossible. You imagined Yves to be some kind of cliché delinquent from a painfully overrated fanfiction, leather jacket and a cigarette in her mouth, shooting lame pick up lines like a jerk. She certainly wasn’t supposed to be a stoic graceful girl with flowy dark hair and a pristine white shirt.

“You should focus on the pronouns, Y/N.” she advised in a low tone. It almost sounded like a whisper. “That would prevent you from losing points on nouns.”

Yves examined all your failed works and calmly explained you what needed to be improved. It turned out to be almost everything, but she didn’t criticize you even once.

“I always mess up the conjunction of verbs.” You pointed out. “The sentences don’t make any sense because of that. Yves chuckled softly and it was adorable.

“Yes, your sentences are quite interesting.” She admit. “But we will focus on that later. Prioritizing and revision are keys to success.”

Did she say “later”? How many sessions would you need? You were already starting to feel attracted to her. Maybe that was her plan. She didn’t release her full womanizing charm on the first meeting. She will wait and make you fall for her more and then she will crush your heart and-

“Y/N?” Yves put her hand on your shoulder and you flinched. She took it back and you blushed.

“Sorry, I got distracted.”

“I can see that.” She smirked a little. Oh no, no. Heejin was right! Yves almost got you in her trap and it was just a first session. “We should plan the next meeting. Is Friday right for you?”

“Yes!” you blurted out and she raised her brow. Your face turned pink.

“Great.” She whispered in that hushed tone. “I’ll see you then.”

When Friday came, you were ready. A long phone call with Heejin helped you make a plan and stick to it. Don’t make eye contact with Yves, don’t talk with her about anything other than schoolwork, don’t pay attention to her appearance, don’t have any physical touch and don’t let the flirting start.

“We should start from when we finished last time.” Yves smiled at you and opened her notebook. You tried to ignore the way she tucked her hair behind an ear. “Or maybe you have some homework we can work through together.”

“Yes.” You answered curtly and took an exercise book from your bag. Nailed it.

After digging it from your bag, you resurfaced and exhaled sharply through your nose. Yves looked up from the pages and shot you another brilliant smile. Seeing her just sitting there shouldn’t have made your brain stop like that, but you have always turned into a mess in front of beautiful girls.

“I see you’re ready.” The smile on her lips almost made you lose your composure again. Almost.

“Yeah, I am. Can you help me with that task? I’m not sure how to fill the gaps.”

Yves pushed her chair closer to yours and turned the book a little to have a closer look. You tried to keep the distance as big as possible without losing sight of the text.

“You have to use the words in brackets.” Yves tapped them with her pencil. “Then you will have to make correct forms.” You just kept nodding. “And after that we can go grab a coffee?”

“Yeah, oka- wait!” Your thoughts raced like a fancy sport car. “You want to do what?”

“Drink some good coffee.” She repeated. “With you.”

No talk with Heejin could prepare you for that. You didn’t expect Yves to make a move on you that quickly. Guess she really lived up to her reputation.

“Sorry, I don’t really have time today.” You finally managed to reply. “And I’m not a coffee gal.”

Yves didn’t make any comment on your lame excuse and just nodded with a slight pout.

“Maybe another time.” She smiled and swiftly went back to helping you with homework. As if you never rejected her. And “another time”? What was that supposed to mean?

“Y/N?” you snapped out of your thoughts. “Focus just a couple minutes, okay?”

The gentle smile never left her face and it made turning her down seem like an awful decision. But it was for your own good. At least that was what you were trying to tell yourself.

 On the next session Yves brought cake. Packed neatly in a white cardboard box and decorated in a pretty, lilac icing. You shot her a disbelieving look.

“It’s from the café I wanted to take you to.” She explained with that gummy smile of hers. “You said you’re not a coffee gal, so I got a little creative.

“What if I’m not a cake gal either?” you struggled to remain unbothered with the fact that a beautiful girl did that for you. Said girl tilted her head with a little smirk.

“Stop looking at it with such desire and maybe I’ll believe you.” You blushed a bit, cause the cake definitely wasn’t the only thing you wanted to desire. Wow, Heejin would have smacked you for such impure thoughts.

Yves kept looking at you expectantly and you realized that she was waiting for you to try the pastry. Your brain kept telling you that it wasn’t the best idea if you wanted to stay away from her, but your heart wasn’t so sure.

“Need a little convincing?” Yves picked up the fork and jabbed the cake. “Open up.” She demanded playfully and moved the fork closer to your lips.

At that moment your brain and heart were in a heated battle for dominance, but ultimately it was your stomach that made the call. The cake was way too temping to ignore, so you let Yves feed you. It was a great decision. Your taste buds were overwhelmed by the sweetness and it was another thing that made you regret refusing her previous invitation.

No, it was probably just your sweet tooth talking. Yves was bad news for good, innocent girls and you shouldn’t let her get too close. You were convinced about that. And then you made a mistake and look up.

“Seems like you like it.” Yves was resting her chin on her hand with the raven hair framing her face perfectly in that angle. The sight almost made you choke on the cake. Will you ever catch a break?

“It’s amazing!” you almost squealed and quickly changed your demeanor. “I mean, it’s good… I guess.”

Yves giggled a little. God, this girl would be the end of you.

“Thanks… I guess.” She teased and opened the notebook. “You can eat everything, cause I assume there is no use in trying to ask you out again.”

Sirens blared in your head. There she was, going straight for the kill. You had to admit; it took you by surprise. Till that moment Yves was very sweet and even kind of timid, not something you would expect from a womanizer like her.

“You- you were asking me out?” you stuttered dumbly. As if she was going to fall for that. Yves raised a brow.

“Trying to tell me you had no idea?” she asked in disbelief and you tried to avoid eye contact with her.

“Exactly!” you cleared your throat and tried again. “I mean, yeah. I thought you were just being friendly. Not that you weren’t friendly before, just... super friendly?”

If Yeojin was there, she would slam your head against the desk. Who in the world used phrases like “super friendly” towards a stunning girl hitting on them? Have you always been such a disaster?

Yves’ low hum made you reconsider planning an elaborate scheme to fake your own death and leave the city. Complete loser or not, she was once again grinning with that little smirk of hers.

“I’ll remember to more direct in the future.”

“Please don’t.”

“A little louder please?”

“Piedmont!” you blurted out. “Like the region. In Italy. We were talking about it in geography. It has nice… mountains.”

“It’s cute how passionate you are about other countries.” It was obvious that Yves had a hard time keeping amusement off her face. “But maybe we should focus on French right now. How does Paris sound?”

“Paris sounds amazing.” Safe answer, great save, you got this.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She mused. “Keep learning and I would take you there someday.”

You didn’t get this. You definitely didn’t. But that was okay, right? It was a normal thing to feel a little thrown off because of a blatant pick up line. Everyone would get flustered if they were in your shoes. Your ways will part soon anyway when your study sessions finally give results and you will get over her.

“Hey, Y/N.” Yves looked at you with a glint in her eyes.

“Yeah?”

“This is not a friendly invitation.”

It was a miracle your head didn’t snap off with how fast you raised it. She was sitting there, chin on her hand and hair framing her face perfectly. This time she left you no other choice, you had to answer here and now. All this time you were sure what would you tell her if it came to that. Now that it really happened, you weren’t fully convinced.

Heejin’s words were still in your head like a blinding red light. Yves was a player that flirted with every student she tutored. Plenty of girls have been wooed by her and toyed with before getting their hearts broken. That girl was trouble and agreeing to a date equaled an unavoidable pain.

On the other hand, she didn’t fit that description at all. She was gorgeous and flirting didn’t seem like any trouble for her, but it was never aggressive or pushy. All this time Yves showed you patience and gentle kindness even if you were an idiot who couldn’t construct a proper sentence in French. Maybe it was worth a shot.

“There you are spacing out again.” Yves teased with a smile as soft as ever. “Should I be clearer with my intentions?”

You exhaled nervously and collected your thoughts. A date with her sounded amazing, but you still had some doubts. And had to pass your classes before even thinking about dating anyone. But after everything was settled... why not? You only had to express that without any misunderstandings.

“Look, Yves, I think you’re amazing” Something flashed in her eyes after that and her posture turned stiffer. “Can we make sure I get a decent grade and come back to this conversation?”

“I don’t think it will be necessary.” She replied a little coldly and straightened herself on the chair. You didn’t think your words were insulting, but maybe she took them the wrong way.

“Are you okay?” Silence and a blink-and-you-miss-it nod. “Yves?”

“I’m fine.” She insisted, but you could see her knuckles becoming white. “Let’s just focus.”

 “And then she just stopped talking about anything other than schoolwork.” you finished with a sigh. It’s been four days since the whole Yves fiasco, and it’s been bothering you a whole lot. The second half of that session was one of the most awkward experiences of your life. Yves became distant and dodged your question about the next meeting.

“Maybe she just realized you weren’t going to fall for her games.” Heejin rummaged through her locker and tried to reason with you.

“I’m not sure, Heekki.” You went through that fateful conversation for what seemed a hundredth time. “She got upset for some reason and I can’t pin that on anything.”

What could have gone wrong? You approached the invitation gently and tried to avoid being rude to her. It wasn’t like you turned her down impolitely or anything. You didn’t turn her down at all! You really wanted to have that date… maybe. But there was nothing insulting in your behavior.

“Are you Y/N?” you and Heejin both jumped a bit at a sudden voice next to you. The harsh words seemed to come from a glaring brunette in a denim jacket.

“Be nice.” A cute redhead accompanying her reprimanded with a slight pout. The girl sighed and rolled her eyes but complied.

“Hello.” She started over. “Is there any chance your name is Y/N?”

The redhead shook her head a little and shot you an apologetic smile. She looked like sunshine embodied and it was a start contrast to her companion’s demeanor.

“Can we help you?” Heejin asked cautiously. The girl in denim opened her mouth to speak but was beat to it.

“We just want to talk with Y/N for a second!” the bright girl explained and beamed at Heejin, who softened. “Can you give us a minute?”

There was no arguing with that smile. Heejin nodded and looked at you with slight hesitation. You nodded and asked her to save you a seat at lunch. After your friend left you gave your full attention to the girls.

“I’m sorry, but do I know you?” you measured your words in order to avoid upsetting the brunette. She wasn’t here to have a pleasant girl talk.

“I’m Jiwoo!” the tiny redhead introduced herself and put an arm around the stone faced one. “This is Jungeun and you are-“

“And you are the dumbass that hurt Sooyoung.” Jungeun raised her chin and looked you in the eye. It didn’t ease your confusion.

“Sooyoung?” You didn’t recall anyone named like that besides a pretty cheerleader from class. “Park Sooyoung?”

Jungeun rolled her eyes even harder than before and Jiwoo scrunched her eyebrows a bit.

“Did that whole Park Sooyoung teach you French?”

“Oh, you mean Yves?” your response made Jungeun grunt and run a hand through her hair. Her reaction made you a bit uneasy.

“Stop with that idiotic nickname already, will you?” she turned to Jiwoo. “Who came up with it anyway, it’s a male name for crying out loud.”

She got a solemn nod as a response and you followed their interaction dumbly. What was that about? Who were they?

“I’m sorry, but I don’t get what’s going on here.” You admit and hoped Jungeun won’t kill you for saying that.

“Our dear friend Sooyoung or Yves if you may.” She cringed after saying that. “Came from a meeting with you feeling all humiliated and upset. We want to hear your explanation.”

You glanced at Jiwoo who looked like a kicked puppy.

“She really likes you, you know.” She smiled sadly. “Everything she talked about was getting to know you better and how awesome you are.”

“We shouldn’t tell her that.” Jungeun warned her and her friend pouted.

This interrogation was becoming tiring especially that you had no idea what was the point of it. What happened to Yves- Sooyoung? Her friends blamed you for that and it made you nervous.

“Jungeun.” You started softly. “Can you tell me what I did wrong? I really didn’t mean to upset Sooyoung-“

“Then why would you call her like that.” Surprisingly it was Jiwoo who interrupted you. “It took her a while to get over these awful rumors and she really didn’t expect it from you.”

Rumors? What was the history behind Sooyoung’s nickname?

“My friends recommended me to get her help with French. To be honest, I didn’t really know her real name until you mentioned it.”

Jiwoo gaped at you with pure shock written on her face. Even Jungeun hesitated in her aggressive behavior.

“You didn’t know?” she asked. “You weren’t making a jab at her fabricated reputation.”

“I didn’t even know she existed before my friend mentioned her.” You assured. “I heard it came from her abilities in French.”

Jungeun scoffed and Jiwoo sighed.

“That’s a cute understatement.” The brunette chuckled bitterly. “Okay, sorry for judging you, but Sooyoung is really sensitive about that. When we were younger, she was called the Ice Queen because she didn’t really date anyone.”

“But then I asked her to get a coffee!” Jiwoo piped in. “Cause I had a tiny crush on her.”

“Another understatement.” Jungeun clarified with a slight smirk causing the other girl to blush cutely. “But yeah, Sooyoung went out with Jiwoo as friends, cause she had no idea about her feelings.”

You looked at the tiny ray of sunshine who nodded. Whatever crush she had on Sooyoung; it was long gone as she didn’t seem bothered by the story.

“And this one girl got extremely jealous and started a rumor that Soo stood her up and convinced some other ones to tell the same story.” She completed.

“That’s why you may have heard she was a huge player or something.”

Hearing everything made you feel sad and guilty. Sooyoung was just an amazing girl who wanted to hang out with you, and you made her feel humiliated.

“Hey, it’s okay!” Jiwoo put a hand on your shoulder with an encouraging smile. “Just explain everything to her and it will be alright.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Not sure about what?” Jungeun inquired sternly, but without ice in her tone. “Your feelings for Sooyoung? Do you like her? More than a friend of course.”

You nodded sincerely and Jungeun’s features softened, making her look less intimidating.

“Then go and tell her that.” She smiled at you. “You would make her really happy.”

Jiwoo nodded and started bouncing enthusiastically. Jungeun rolled her eyes at her friend’s antics, but the smile didn’t leave her face.

“You know what to do.” The brunette added and they both made their way to class, leaving you in the hall. But she was right, you knew exactly what to do.

 Your fingers gripped the soft material as you tried to stop your heart from racing. Sooyoung was sitting in a library reading a book. This was a perfect chance and you just had to gather courage. Now or never. Inhale, exhale.

You approached the beautiful brunette and carefully placed the plushie on a table in front of her. Sooyoung’s eyes moved up a bit with vulnerability shining in them.

“C’est un hibou.” You stated in a shaky voice and a rusty pronunciation. There were two words for owl, and you had no idea which one was more correct, but it didn’t matter. You weren’t sure if it was an owl in the first place. It could be anything to be honest. “For you.”

Sooyoung hesitantly traced the purple toy with her fingers. She smiled a little and took the little piece of paper attached to it. You nodded in order to encourage her.

“Impressive.” She praised softly. In her hands was your pop quiz. You got a B, which exceeded the expectations of everyone.

“I had a great teacher.” You smiled. “Can I sit?”

She nodded and held the plushie closer to herself.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Sooyoung. I’m so sorry that my words hurt you.” You apologized from the bottom of your heart, looking in her eyes. “I shouldn’t have judged you after hearing a stupid rumor, especially after you were so kind to me and-“

“Say it again, please.” She whispered with a smile that made you melt every time.

“Say what again?”

“My name.” You smiled back at her. “It’s been some time since I heard it said this way.”

You took a deep breath and put your hand on hers, trying not to faint when she didn’t move it away.

“Sooyoung.” Her eyes sparkled and smile got even wider. “Is it too late to get that coffee with you?”

The girl pressed the toy against her chest and grabbed your hand properly.

“It’s not Paris.” She teased with a grin. “But we have to make you get that A on the next test.”

You giggled and rubbed her hand with your thumb.

“I like girls who challenge themselves.” Your words made her blush and she hid her face in the plushie. “Hey, Sooyoung.”

She shyly peaked from behind the purple material and you smiled at her. You adored saying her name as much as she enjoyed hearing it.

“This is not a friendly invitation.”

[girls-scenarios]

Not So Different

Idol: Suyeon (Weki Meki)

Prompt: Hi! Could it be a WekiMeki scenario with Suyeon. High school AU, where Suyeon is a smart one in the whole school is paired with reader who is an outcast (too silent/avoids everyone). Maybe reader will protect her from sth while they were working on the project? (Sport if this is too complicated). Thank you! Much love ❤️

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: Okay so. Basically Suyeon is a bit of a nerd who also doesn’t have many friends and the reader is still kind of an outcast/”bad” student. Hope this was what you had in mind anon! I really couldn’t wait to write for Suyeon because she’s such a character and I love her. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy and support Picky Picky!

Warnings: Some cursing and bullying. Also it’s long.

♡ Tip Jar♡

Suyeon had never cared much about appearances. Sure she did her hair and made sure her uniform was pressed and nice, and occasionally wore more makeup than foundation, but she didn’t really care what people thought of her. School was much more important, and as long as her friends liked her, she didn’t need to care about anyone else. She’d been at the head of the class since elementary school, and although some people hated her for that, she intended to be first until she graduated and moved on to university. She was happy with what she had.

But sometimes being the smartest kid in the school had consequences. Those consequences had everything to do with the fact that teachers thought she would be able to help tutor all the kids they didn’t want to deal with. To be honest, Suyeon hated every minute of it and thought it was a waste of time to have a student teach another student, especially when one student hated the other, but she couldn’t tell the teachers no without even more consequences. Still, she really, really wanted to tell the teachers no, just this one time.

“Guys. I’m so annoyed. Mr. Jung paired me up with (Y/N) because apparently they need someone to ‘keep them on track’ and he thinks I’d be good for that.” She slammed her AP bio books down onto her desk, ignoring the annoyed looks from her other peers as she turned to her friends and slumped into her chair. “Just kill me now before they do.”

“Mr. Jung is the worst. You know, he paired me up with that delinquent girl Chungha last semester because he thought the same thing! And I had to work really hard not to fail that project!” Yoojung sighed and shook her head. “When will the injustice against smart students end?”

“Didn’t you fuck her?” Elly asked with a grin, twirling her pencil in her fingers, a nervous habit.

“Elly! Language,” Suyeon hissed, glancing around the class. The other girl just shrugged.

“What, the teacher isn’t here. And Yoojung definitely fucked Chungha. For like a good few months.”

“Okay, fine, maybe. But you’d fuck her too, she’s hot!”

“True, true.”

“Can we please not talk about Yoojung’s sexual encounters with delinquent girls while I’m having a dilemma over here?” Suyeon asked, reaching over to gently kick Yoojung’s chair. “She just has a thing for bad girls. Look at Doyeon.”

“Doyeon’s actually just a sweetheart though, didn’t you play basketball with her in middle school?” Yoojung looked over at the older girl with her eyebrows raised. “You’re the one who told me she’d be good to date!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Still! What am I supposed to do with (Y/N)? I’m asking for help here!” Suyeon turned her attention to Elly and narrowed her eyes. “And don’t you dare think up anything inappropriate.”

“Me? Inappropriate? Never!”

“Lies. We have a liar on our hands.”

“Whatever.” Elly sighed and twirled her pencil again, propping her head up with her hand and leaning onto the desk. “Just deal with it, what else can you do? You know Mr. Jung doesn’t change his mind about anything. Do what the rest of us do and deal with it while you do the project yourself and then you never have to deal with (Y/N) again.”

“I don’t want to do an entire project by myself! That’s so annoying!”

“Would you rather have to try and convince (Y/N) to do work instead?” Yoojung opened her notebook and glanced up at the front of the class, where the teacher had just started to open her own books, calling for the students to settle down. “Trust me, it’s easier that way.”

Suyeon didn’t want to believe her, but she didn’t really have any other options. With a sigh, she sat up in her seat and pulled out her pen, ready to get to work. This was just another trial that she, as the smartest student in the school, had to go through.

-

The classroom wasn’t big enough for everyone. As soon as Mr. Jung called for everyone to get into their pairs, the room erupted into mildly controlled chaos, much too loud for Suyeon, and she grimaced. She could hardly hear herself over this mess, much less hear anyone else, and she knew she couldn’t work like this. Just as she was about to grab her things and ask Mr. Jung if she could work in the library, someone cleared their throat behind her and she turned around to see you leaning against the wall, looking bored.

“So. We’re a pair, right?” Your voice was hardly loud enough for her to hear, and she sighed. You hadn’t even been in class last time, so she was hoping you’d skip again today. No such luck.

“Yep. But I can’t work when it’s this loud. I was going to ask Mr. Jung if we could go to the library, is that cool?” She picked up her back to sling it over her shoulder, and you raised your eyebrows.

“Wow, would he really let you do that?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“If I asked, he wouldn’t even hesitate to say no. Must be nice being the smartest girl in the school.” You stood up straight and she rolled her eyes at your words.

“Whatever. Let’s just go.”

“After you, captain.”

You were already annoying her, but she knew she got annoyed easily, so she tried to ignore you as she walked up to Mr. Jung and gave him her most trustworthy smile. “Mr. Jung? I can’t work when it’s this loud. May (Y/N) and I have permission to work in the library?” She knew she would be allowed to, but the way his eyes darted to look at you before he answered made her a little nervous about the future of her project.

“Well, okay, but make sure you’re working while you’re in there.” His words were directed at you instead of her, but she still smiled and nodded her head, ready to duck out of there before he changed his mind because of you.

“Of course! Thank you, Mr. Jung!”

Outside the classroom, the hallways were quiet, most classes still in-session, so when you let out a chuckle, she could hear it loud and clear. She turned to look at you, a little apprehensive about what you would say, only to see you smirking as you shifting the strings of your drawstring backpack on your shoulder.

“What? What are you laughing at?”

“Nothing, that was just impressive. I think your voice raised three octaves back there.” She could feel her face flush at your words and she quickly looked away, glaring at the floor.

“It did not.”

“The teachers must think you’re a really sweet, innocent girl, huh? Do they know that you’re rude to everyone else?”

“I’m not rude,” Suyeon scoffed, shaking her head. “I’m nice when people are nice to me and not nice when people aren’t nice to me.”

“When was I not nice to you, then?”

“It’s the tone of voice, (Y/N).”

“Oh, so you do know who I am! I figured the school’s number one student wouldn’t have time for a loser like me!” You were wearing a sarcastic smile on your face when she whirled around, setting her jaw.

“I’m tired of you already. You’re acting like I’m popular when you don’t even really know me. How do you know my name, huh? From the scholarship? From the school newspaper? Or did you maybe hear people talking shit? Talking about how I suck up to the teachers, or how I’m a nerd? How I do nothing but study to make everyone look bad? How much they’d love it if I just disappeared so their parents would stop comparing them to me?” She clenched her fists and took a deep breath, glaring back down at the ground. “I’m tired of this. Whatever, I’ll do the whole project myself and you don’t have to do anything. That’s what you wanted, right? See you at the end of the project date.” She spun around again, but you reached out and grabbed her arm, making her flinch a bit.

“No.”

“No what?”

“I might not like people or school, but I’m not a fucking leech either. Just give me work to do and I’ll do it. I’m not going to let you do the whole thing.” She stared into your eyes, but you stared right back, challenging her. With a deep sigh, she yanked her arm away and rubbed at the place where your fingers had been.

“Fine. I’ll give you work to do if you stop being a jerk.”

“You-. Okay, fine. I won’t be a jerk.”

“Good. Let’s just go to the library and forget this happened.” She spun around and marched ahead, and it took a minute for you to follow, much quieter than you had been before. Suyeon knew she said too much, knew she snapped, knew she took out the anxiety and pressure onto you, but she couldn’t bring herself to apologize. You had been the one to push her, and it was bound to come out eventually. She was just glad none of the teachers were around to see it, and hoped this would all be over soon.

-

“I snapped at them.” At Suyeon’s words, Elly looked up from her textbook and across the community library table, eyes wide behind her glasses.

“What?” Suyeon sighed, not reading the book in her hands but also not able to tear her eyes away from it.

“(Y/N). They were pushing me and we got into a bit of an argument and I just snapped.”

“Oh. That’s not good.” Elly glanced around the library. Most of the tables were empty, so she got up and moved over to sit beside Suyeon instead, reaching over to rub her back comfortingly. “What all did you say?”

“They were acting like I was popular.” Suyeon’s voice was soft, even softer than necessary for the library as she leaned into her best friend, shoulders slumped. This was another side of her that she usually didn’t let people see, the girl who was still shy and would rather stay at home with her books than go out and talk to people. “And I just couldn’t take it anymore. I asked them where they heard about me, and asked if it was from all the gossip and bullying.”

“Mmm. How did they react?”

She paused, closing her eyes as she tried to recall how you’d looked. You’d seemed somewhat shocked, mouth slightly open and eyes wide in a way that was no longer mocking. “I think I shocked them. But they said they’d help with the project, at least.”

“Better than nothing. I’m sorry that happened though. I wish I could have been there.”

“You couldn’t have been. We have different classes.” Suyeon let out a sigh and set her book down onto the table, opening her eyes. “You know, they probably think I’m crazy now.”

“I doubt they think you’re crazy. But they might think of you differently.”

“I hate that. I hate it when people think I’m weak. Anyone other than you, that is.”

“I don’t think you’re weak.” Elly gave her a soft smile and tucked her hair back. “I think you’re a very strong girl who’s had to deal with bullying since we were kids. You’ve had to deal with so much, but you just continued studying because you wanted to, because you wanted to show them and because it was your dream to be first. You’re the toughest person I know. You never give up, no matter what.”

“I feel like that’s my fatal flaw. Never giving up.” Suyeon let out a little laugh. “I wish I would let myself give up every once and a while.”

“And give me the first place spot? You’d never.”

“True.” She leaned her head on Elly’s shoulder and smiled. “Hey, I’m glad you’re my best friend.”

“Yeah, same to you.” The other girl pitched her voice high and pinched one of Suyeon’s cheeks. “I love you!”

“Ew, gross,” she said with a laugh, pushing away Elly’s hand. “Don’t say that!”

“You have to accept my affection!”

“Nope! That’s not a rule!”

“Yes it is, it’s in the best friend rule book!”

“I never read such a book.” Suyeon grinned as she ducked away from Elly’s hand once again, feeling much better. Maybe she could face you again tomorrow.

-

This time, you met her in the library instead of the classroom, letting out a sigh as you dropped your backpack to the floor. She raised her eyebrows, looking up from her work.

“Oh, you’re here.”

“You aren’t going to believe this, but I actually had a dentist’s appointment, which is why I was late. And then it took Mr. Jung a long time to let me come meet you here. He’s a pain.”

“If you stopped skipping class, he wouldn’t be so strict on you.”

“But world history is so boring,” you groaned as you sat down in the seat across from her. “I feel like we’ve learned everything in this class a hundred times.”

Suyeon allowed herself to smile a little and she passed over one of the worksheets to you. “That’s because they teach most of it every year, but are required to keep teaching us history. At least it’s an easy pass.”

“Yeah, if Mr. Jung likes you. He keeps marking me down on answers I know I’m getting right just because he doesn’t like me.” You sighed as you looked over the worksheet, and Suyeon stalled at your words.

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah? Teachers do it all the time. If you were to compare my test with yours, I’m sure he’d mark me off for answers that you got right.”

As much as she didn’t want to believe that teachers would do such a thing, it didn’t sound like you were lying. She scrunched up her nose and shook her head incredulously. “That’s crazy. Why would a teacher do that? Shouldn’t they want you to succeed?”

“Not if you’re not the student they like. Still, I don’t really care. At least I’m passing. That’s all I care about.”

“If a teacher is doing that, you should bring it up to someone!” Her voice was a little loud for the library, and she flushed, leaning back into her chair when people looked over. Your eyes were wide, kind of like the day before, hand paused on the worksheet, but you recovered in a moment, letting out a quiet, bitter laugh.

“I mean, who would listen to someone like me?”

“I’m listening!” She was careful to keep her voice down, but she put her hands on the table. “Bring it up to your parents too, and the principal. This isn’t right! I mean, I don’t think you should skip classes, but you also shouldn’t be marked down just because the teachers want to punish you or something!” You smiled, put your chin on you hand, and raised your eyebrows.

“You know, Suyeon? You’re not half bad.”

“Thanks,” she muttered, going back to her worksheet.

“No, I mean it. I misjudged you. I’m sorry for what I said yesterday.” She looked up at you, surprised. “It was out of line.”

“O-oh. Um. Thanks for your apology. I’m sorry, too, for blowing up on you like that.”

“Nah, I kind of deserved it. I was being an ass. I’d like to make this project a success.”

She bit her lip for a moment, considering her options, before she reached out her hand for a handshake. “Alright then. Let’s make it a success. Partners?”

“Partners.” You shook it, hand firm around hers and a smile on your lips, and when she pulled back, it felt like her hand was tingling a bit. She ignored it, quickly going back to her worksheet. She had work to do. The school’s number one student didn’t have time to worry about... whatever that was.

“Then let’s get to work.”

-

That night, she laid beside Elly on the floor of her bedroom, looking up at the ceiling as your words echoed in her head. She hadn’t been able to forget about it.

“Hey Elly? Did you know that sometimes teachers give students bad grades just because they don’t like them?”

“Yeah, it’s bullshit. It happened to me a few times in elementary school with Ms. Jones. Why?”

“No reason. It just makes me angry.”

Elly didn’t reply, just smiling and reaching over to ruffle Suyeon’s hair. There was something about her smile that made Suyeon think she knew something, but she tried to dismiss it. “That’s because you’re a good person. You’ll never have to worry about it, though.”

“Yeah.” The ceiling still had glitter on it from her childhood, and she watched as the sparkly pieces blinked at her, almost as if they were accusing her: you know, and you’re doing nothing? “I don’t have to worry about it.”

-

“Hey, (Y/N), have you saved your tests?” She asked the next day, nonchalant. You looked up from your worksheet, then up at Mr. Jung at the front of the classroom, looking a little nervous.

“Uh, somewhere in my room, I think. Why?”

“Well, we have a lot of classes together, and for the classes I’m not in, I think you’re in those classes with my friend Yoojung. We could compare our answers and show for sure if they’re grading you down without reason.”

“You’re still thinking about that? It’s fine, nothing’s going to change. Who would we even go to?” You sounded like someone had drained all of your confidence, and Suyeon hated that.

“The principle likes me. I can bring it up to him.”

“But what if you get in trouble?”

She gave you a small grin, shaking her head. “They can’t get me in trouble, this school needs my grades to survive. Without me, the funding would be cut in half.”

You let out a low whistle, impressed. “Wow, you nerdy kids are next level.”

“Don’t call me that. Still, I think if we bring it up to her, it’ll probably change. Especially if I’m the one who brings it up. We can do it anonymously, so that the teachers don’t know who ratted them out.”

“We’re allowed to do that?”

“We have rights too.”

You glanced once more at Mr. Jung and shrugged. “Well, I guess if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure. Bring me your tests tomorrow. I’ll remove the name with white-out so they won’t even know it’s you.”

“If only this school knew that their number one student was so mischievous.” You reached out your hand like she had before, making her laugh. She was aware that Mr. Jung was watching her, but for once, she didn’t care. “Partners?”

She grinned as she shook your hand. “Partners.”

“(Y/N), Suyeon, what’s going on over there?”

She put on her best innocent face, and you tried not to laugh, and she realized that she was having fun. It was rare that she actually had fun at school, and it made her feel giddy. You really weren’t so bad after all. “We’re just working!”

“Alright... Hold it down over there, okay?”

“Yes, sir!”

-

“You’re exposing the teachers?” Doyeon looked all too happy with this news, and Suyeon shifted on Yoojung’s desk chair, a little bit shy. She’d come over to see Yoojung, but Doyeon was there too, and now she was in the room sitting beside her as Yoojung rummaged through her drawers, trying to make small talk and hoping this wouldn’t get out.

“Yeah? I guess so? I just need everyone’s tests. If you’ve kept them.”

“Hell yeah! Down with the overlords! Power to the students!” Yoojung bounded over from her dresser, arms full of papers. “I keep all my tests for studying so I’ve got everything.”

“You don’t want my tests. My teachers don’t doctor them, they just aren’t good,” Doyeon said with a shrug, wrapping an arm around Yoojung.

“Awe, babe, you’re a solid B student! Don’t talk like that!” The two girls giggled, and Suyeon cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Uh, thanks Yoojung. I’ll get out of your way now.”

“You don’t have to go!”

“Ah, I have things to do, don’t worry.” Suyeon gave the two an awkward smile and wave as she stood up and shifted the papers underneath her arm. “See you guys in school tomorrow.”

“See you! Don’t get in too much trouble because it’s a Friday tomorrow and we need to hang out!”

“I’ll keep that in mind!” Suyeon quickly stepped out of the room, letting out a sigh of relief once she was back outside. She loved her friends, but she was still glad to be out of there. There was a little pain in her heart, something that whispered about her wanting that too, but she dismissed it as she walked back towards her house, focusing on the task at hand. She didn’t have time to fall in love.

-

Unlike most kids, Suyeon had never had a bad experience at the principals office, so this was the first time she found herself nervous, bouncing her knee as she clutched the folder in her hand. On one side, she’d organized all of her and Yoojung’s tests, and on the other were yours, all correlated to show the ways teachers were marking you down. That morning, you’d handed over your tests and bit your lip, grabbing her hand before she left.

“Just. I don’t know. Be careful?”

“Don’t worry. I know how to talk to teachers.” Her words had been true, and still were true, but as much as she wanted you to believe that she wasn’t nervous, she was. This was something big, and if she did one wrong move.... All of the names in the folder were whited out except for hers. She was the only one who could be blamed.

“Suyeon?” She jumped and looked up at the lady at the desk, who gave her a smile. “The principal is ready to see you.”

“Thank you!” Swallowing, she stood up and hugged the folder to her, giving the lady one last smile as she passed, walking into the principal’s office. His office was familiar, but foreign at the same time. Suyeon had only been there a few times, so although she knew the room, she still felt out of place.

“How’s the school’s number one student doing today?” The principal smiled at her from behind his desk, folding his hands together, and she gave him a shy smile back as she sat down. She could do this, she knew she could. She was going to do this for all the students suffering because of their teachers. She was going to do this for justice. She was going to do this for you.

“I’m doing well, sir. But I wanted to speak to you about a matter that has recently come to light among my peers.”

-

The meeting went well, and Suyeon walked out of the office with a small smile on her face, folder handed over to the principal. Since she had specific teachers, the principal had agreed to look into them, and had even praised her for looking after her less-fortunate peers. Down the hall, you were taking a sip from the water fountain, and when you saw her, you stood up and wiped your mouth, looking at her with wide eyes.

“How did it go?”

“It went well! He told me that he had no idea this was happening and that he’d look into the teacher’s grading systems, and he even thanked me for going to him with proof.”

You grinned and held out your fist for a fist-bump. “You’re incredible, you know that, Suyeon?”

“I try,” she replied, knocking her knuckles against yours. “Hopefully something changes soon. For now, I should probably get to class. Number one student perks only last so long.”

You chuckled at her words and fell into step beside her, walking quietly as the two of you headed back to class. Just before your classroom, you stopped, and she turned to look at you.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” You gave her a smile. “I just wanted to say thank you. I’ve never had anyone care about me like that.” Something that she could no longer ignore jumped around in her heart as she smiled back.

“You’re welcome.”

-

Fridays were always pretty great, but this particular Friday, Suyeon was feeling great. She’d already seen the principal pull Mr. Jung aside, she’d gotten full marks on all of her tests, and you’d smiled at her while you thanked her, not to mention that she’d brought pizza for lunch. Everything was going pretty great as she walked towards the area at the back of the school building where she usually ate lunch with her friends. But unfortunately, nothing good ever lasted in her life, and she blinked as a hand slapped the phone from her hands, causing it to clatter to the floor.

For a moment, she just stared at her phone, before looking up to see three kids that she barely knew glaring at her. “Uh. Can I help you guys?”

“Can you help us? Can you help us?” One of the guys said, stepping towards her, and she instinctively stepped back, confused. Had she said something wrong. “You have the nerve to sound conceited now?”

“I think that’s just how my voice-.”

“Shut up. Do you know how annoying it is to be around you?”

Suyeon swallowed and glanced back down at her phone. She didn’t like where this was going. “Uh. No?”

“This is why everyone hates you! You’re so smart and you think you know everything, and you’re so rude to the rest of us. The rest of us who can’t catch up to you no matter how hard you tried. Ms. Parks said that she’s making the next test harder, because you aced this one and she wants to challenge you! And how’s that fair for the rest of us? I’m trying to get good grades and my parents expect me to be at the top of the class, but I can’t, because you’re over here making us all look stupid!”

“I don’t mean to-.”

“Just shut up!” One of the other guys stepped forward and pulled up his fist, and Suyeon flinched, closing her eyes. She could fight with them, she was still strong from her basketball days, but there was no way she’d be able to take on three at a time, and she didn’t want to get in trouble on school grounds. If he just hit her, maybe it would scare them if she fell and-.

She realized that she still hadn’t been hit, and opened her eyes.

You stood in front of her, arms crossed, glowing at the trio. “What the actual fuck is going on here?”

“(Y/N)? What are you doing here, sticking up for this goody-two-shoes? Did she hire your lonely weird ass as protection against all of us lowlifes?”

“No, she’s helped me out and now I’m helping her. And I suggest you leave before I get angry because I assure you that two of us against three of you is a much more even fight, and Elly and Doyeon are waiting right outside those school doors. If they hear Suyeon yell, they’ll come running, and Doyeon doesn’t like bullies.”

One of the guys wrinkled his nose and spit at your feet as they turned to leave. “Sell out,” he muttered as he walked away, and Suyeon let out a sigh of relief, clutching at her bag.

“I’m glad you showed up.”

“They’re just angry because they can’t get an A and they want to blame it on you,” you said, turning around and looking her up and down. “Are you okay? They didn’t hurt you, did they?”

“I’m fine. I’ve had worse.” She let out an awkward laugh, but you didn’t seem to believe her as you reached out to grab her hand.

“Your hands are shaking.”

“Well, yeah! I almost just got hit!” Normally, Suyeon would yank her hand away. But she found that she didn’t want to, so she let you hold it, swallowing nervously. “Seriously though, how did you find me over here?”

“I was going to ask you something during lunch, and then I heard some commotion over here and, since I got beat up over here once, I figured something was going down again. Then it turned out to be you and I was glad I came over to check.”

“Oh. I’m sorry that you had to go through that.”

“Looks like we aren’t so different after all, huh,” you said, giving her a little smile that she easily returned.

“Guess not. Other than the fact that you’re apparently much more intimidating than I am.”

“Nah, it’s only because I mentioned that your friends were out there. They are out there, right?”

“Probably? Still, I couldn’t have done that. So thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You helped me, so I’m helping you.”

Suyeon’s heart dropped a bit, and she nibbled at her lip, looking down. “Is that the only reason why?”

“What?” Your eyes were wide and confused again, and she was too nervous to meet them.

“Are you only acting like this because I’m helping you out?”

“I mean, that’s one of the reasons,” you said, squeezing her hand gently. “But it’s not the only reason. The more I get to know you, the more I like you, Suyeon.” Butterflies erupted in her stomach, and she wished she had worn more makeup, because she knew she was blushing.

“Oh. Oh, good. ‘Cause I like you too.”

“Good. Are we good?” She looked up and met your eyes, then immediately smiled, embarrassed.

“Yeah, we’re good. Um, you were going to ask me something?”

“Oh! Yeah! I still kind of owe you, in a lot of ways. I also want to make up for the fact that I said mean things about you the first time we met. So I thought I’d invite you out to ice cream. My treat.” You tugged nervously at your backpack with your free hand. “Sorry if that sounds too weird or anything, I’m not good at this stuff.”

She couldn’t help laughing, and you looked a little nervous until she squeezed your hand and moved in a little closer. “I’m not good at this stuff either. But I’m down for ice cream. Is it a date?” Your face flushed, but you were smiling.

“If you want it to be.”

“Then it’s a date. Call me!” She went to move away but you kept hold of her hand, stopping her.

“I don’t have your number.”

“Oh, yeah! Sorry-.” She pulled out her phone, flushed to her ears as you did the same. “Here, put your number in my phone and I’ll put mine in yours.”

“Yeah, great. Good. Awesome.” Again, the two of you burst into laughter, and when she handed back your phone, she noticed you put a glasses emoji beside her name.

“Hey, you calling me a nerd?”

“No, I think it’s cute.” You grinned. “See you later, Suyeon.”

“See you!” She waved until you turned around, then looked down at your number in her phone and, for once, didn’t ignore the excited feeling building up in her chest. She couldn’t wait to tell her friends, even if she did know Elly was going to make a big deal out of it.

It hadn’t been perfect. It was awkward, but it was you and it was her, and that was all that mattered.

[goodnightkisseu]

hello !! can i request a baejin au from the drabble? ^^ these ones sound good to me: "what? you're dying?" + "for someone who's dying, you look kinda happy though." thank you !!!!

Angst Starter Ficlets: Send me a member of Wanna One + an angst starter (or multiple)

Bae Jinyoung + “What? You’re dying?” and “For someone who’s dying, you look kinda happy though.”

Note: Thank you for requesting this, lovely anon! Ah these quotes were so good… but my heart when I was writing this for Jinyoung ;A; I hope that you like it. Though I will say… this is not one of my scenarios that ends with a happy ending >

- goodnightkisseu’s admin

“What? You’re dying?” you asked. Your words came out harsh, maybe even alittle rude, but Jinyoung didn’t take offense. He knew you, better than anyoneelse. You words may have sounded snarky, but they weren’t. This was the type ofbanter the two of you always had, and even in a serious situation like this, hedidn’t expect anything else from you, his childhood friend. If anything, itfelt… comfortable.

Jinyoung let out a scoff inresponse. “Yeah, I’m dying. Would I be in a hospital if I wasn’t?” he asked, asmirk forming on his lips as you drew closer to him. Truthfully, he didn’tthink that you would even show up today. If he were going to be honest, he hadn’tbeen the best friend lately. He was too busy trying to live his life before itwas too late, and he kind of left you on your own. And yet, here he was, at theend and you were the only one that showed up. It was just you. He felt reallyshitty about it, and he knew that you knew. He never had to say it directly.Just like you didn’t have to state your worry directly.

“I don’t know. You couldalso be here because you got injured during one of those dumb ass bets withyour new friends,” you retorted back. Though you played it off as if it weren’ta big deal, inside you were a complete mess. Jinyoung’s mother had called youwhen he was taken to the hospital after having collapsed in pain on his way out thedoor that morning. You were on your way to your weekend tutoring session whenit happened, and you weren’t entirely sure what to do. When your motherrealized how distraught you were, she asked what was wrong and took you rightto the hospital, no other questions asked. You knew this was coming, but youstill weren’t ready for it.

Jinyoung had been sick fora long time, since you were both very young. His doctor had told his parentsthat he didn’t have much time, which led them to being more protective on him,which was why you were one of his only friends growing up. As he got older andlearned of his situation, you knew he resented it. He hated being babied and itled your childhood friend to become reckless once he entered high school. Yousaw less of him when he started hanging out with other adrenaline seekers,doing all the things he wanted to do before it was all over for him.

Though you wanted to stophim, you knew you couldn’t. All you could do was watch. And yet, though it puta strain on the two of you, you had to be here if this was really end. You hadto see him again. And you knew, you knew he felt the same. There was a lot ofregrets in the moment, for the both of you, but you were trying, trying to bestrong about it.

“I will say,” you started,situating yourself on the end of his hospital bed. “For someone who’s dying, you look kinda happy though.” 

Jinyoung gave you thatsignature smirk of his. “It’s a shitty situation… but, there is something to behappy for…”

“Oh, and what’s that?” youinquired.

“It brought you back tome, and for a dying guy that hasn’t been particularly great to you, that’squite the win,” he said, wincing a bit from the pain that was radiating throughhis body. It was unbearable. He was just fine a couple of days ago, and now…now he couldn’t even move and the only thing keeping him from screaming werethe meds.

It was agonizing seeinghim in pain. You felt your heart throbbing, wanting to find a way to help him,even though you knew one didn’t exist. This hurt more than you had expected.Why did it have to be like this?

“You idiot, I never left. Youjust chose bad friends…” you muttered.

“Still, you’re here andthey’re not. Guess who won the best friend title.”

“Oh shut up,” you mumbled,his words unintentionally hurt. That title… you wouldn’t have it for muchlonger…

You were about to saysomething else when a nurse poked her head in and told you that visiting hourswere almost over. You thanked her and reluctantly got up. “Guess I can’t stayany longer…” you told him as you turned to face him again. He looked tired,gaunt, unlike the Jinyoung you remembered. “Yah, but you don’t get to die if I’mnot here, okay?”

“You know I can’t promise –”he started, but then he saw your eyes. They were glaring at them, but he couldsee the sadness behind them too. It broke his heart. “Ah, okay, okay. Fine. Iwon’t die until you come back.”

“Good,” you replied,before heading towards the door.

“Hey,” Jinyoung said just whenyou were about to leave. “You don’t have to, but if you’re willing to risk it,why not just stay? After all, I am dying,” he pointed out, a small smirkforming on his lips as you turned back to face him.

“Gosh, so demanding.” You rolledyour eyes at him before moving back to his side. He moved a bit, grimacing inpain as he did so, but made enough room so that you could crawl onto the bedand cuddle into his side. “You know, normally I wouldn’t, but since you’redying, I guess I could grant you this last wish…” you murmured, resting yourhead on his arm.

Jinyoung, for the firsttime that night felt at ease. “Thank you…” he told you softly as he wrapped hisarms around you. “Thank you for everything…”

You gave a small nod, yourhand tightly gripping onto his hospital gown. “I love you…” you told him softlyas the two of you drifted off into sleep.

You hoped with all of yourheart that he would still be with you in the morning… but you wish wentunanswered…

[welovekpopscenarios]

Teach Me (Wonho x Reader)

Admin: Candi Request: “Clan you pretty please write a wonho ff where hes y/n tutor and he goes to her house almost everyday and teases her with "toys" and other kinky stuff. – fatimabts07” Fandom: Monsta X Member/reader: Wonho x Reader Genre/warning(s): smut, punishments, toys, dom!Wonho, spanking Words: 1.5k Authors note: Wonho is probably one of my favourite people to write for. Send a fluffy request for Wonho though so Mimi can do it because she wants to write a fluffy fic for him :)

Wonho: Are you prepared for another session today?

           The message popped up on your phone. You quickly checked it while your lecturer was doing something on the computer and once you saw Wonhos name you smiled and felt a tingle between your legs. He was your tutor but he taught you in a unique way. If he saw an improvement in your grades you’d get rewarded but if you did worse than usual you’d get punished. You quickly answered him and returned to listening to your lecturer, even though your mind was now in a different place.

           Once the day was over you rushed to your dorm and freshened up. He came over practically every single day to tutor you. Your relationship with him was strange, it was strictly just study and sexual interactions. He loved pleasing and punishing you and so did you. The whole thing started when you came into college at the start of the year, he did the same course as you but he was in his last year, already graduating. You met through friends and it started off with an innocent chat about how you were struggling, he offered you help and you simply took it. Later on, you both admitted to being attracted to each other and one thing led to another and he revealed a kink he has and you were on board with it. You were both unavailable to other people which was another agreement and it made everything easier - no jealousy.

           You heard knocking on your door so you rushed towards them, once you opened them you saw Wonho, the butterflies multiplied at the sight of him. He smiled at you and let himself in. He went over to the sink to grab some water, you stared at his neck intently, every time he swallowed his Adams apple moved and his muscles moved along with it, you were more needy than usual.

           Wonho sat at the table and got his notes ready, you joined him but you already knew you wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything.

           “How did your last test go?” He asks. Your eyes glistened because you did worse than usual. You got it out and showed him, trying to contain your excitement at the fact that he was going to punish you. You handed it to him and he sighed, you pouted trying to act all innocent but you just wanted him to get his hands on you.

           “You really want a punishment, don’t you?” He can read you like a book. You bite your lip and nod. “Well, because you want it so bad and because you did worse than usual on your test my punishment is no punishment.” Your mouth drops and you breathe in loudly from annoyance.

           “Wonho please!” You plead.

           “No. This is the perfect way to punish you.”

           The rest of the session you spent listening to him even though you were still annoyed. The end of year exams were coming up so you couldn’t let something like that get in the way of your study, you were horny but you didn’t want to fail. It was time for Wonho to leave so you showed him to the door and thanked him for the help. He got closer to you, his hand went down to your ass and squeezed it so hard you let out a whine; “I’ll give you anything you want if you do well on these tests.” He whispers in your ear and your stomach tightens. The one thing you always wanted was his dick inside you but you two never did that, it was strictly toy play and teasing.

             The next study session was a bit more entertaining. You had a project to hand in and you ended up getting the best grade in your class. You were so happy with yourself for doing better but you were also grateful because Wonho really helped, despite him enjoying to tease, please and punish he still managed to get you to study.

 Y/N: *sends picture* Look, look! I did so well on my project, I got the best grade in my class! All thanks to you <3  

Wonho: Good girl! I’ll be over tonight to reward you.

           He came over earlier than usual and he asked to see your project straight away, you both celebrated with hugs and kisses on the cheek. You could tell he was extremely proud of you which made you feel presumptuous.

           “So, what about my reward?” You play with your fingers and bite your lip.

           “You’ll get it once we’re done with the session.” Wonho smirked.

           You two got straight to it. He neglected you last time so you were longing for his touch. You tried your hardest to concentrate on what he said, you couldn’t help but stare at his lips, rub your foot on his leg, innocently rub his arm and lick your lips. He was getting more frustrated by the second, your manipulative behavior was working and Wonho was finding it harder to act like he’s capable of going on with the tutoring. He stops talking and rolls his tongue against his cheek and lifts his eyes to meet yours, you tilt your head and smile at him.

           “Since you’re distracting me I’ll have to punish you as well as reward you.” His remark made your legs tremble, that was your favourite combination, the pleasurable pain from the punishment and then the release as a reward. He stood up, took your wrist and led you to your bedroom. He sat on your bed and you awaited his instructions.

           “Lie down on my lap and pull your pants down.” You walked over to him and did as you were told. Your ass was on display for him to do as he pleases, he runs his cold hand through your ass and squeezes it. He spanked you without any warning and the impact made you sob, he continues to spank you another 6 times. Each blow was harder than the last, every time his hand came into contact with your skin a tear leaked out onto your cheek.

           “You’re doing so well baby.” He reassures you and continues to spank you 4 more times. After that, he asked you to undress and get on the bed, as always you followed his orders. He reached to your drawer where you kept your toys and pulled out nipple clamps, a vibrator, a gag and a blindfold. You smiled because you knew you were getting a treat tonight. Wonho carefully attached the nipple clamps to you, gagged and blindfolded you.

           “There’s a rule baby, don’t close your legs, don’t move your hands, I’m trusting you and going to test you that’s why I decided to leave handcuffs out.” He warns you and you sigh, you knew this was going to be near impossible and if you broke the rule you knew he would discipline you. He sat at the bottom of the bed and opened up your legs for him, he turned the vibrator on and moved it all the way up your leg just about missing your slit. You moaned and your knees met and you realized your mistake. Wonho quickly flicked off one of the nipple clamps sending pain through your breast, you screamed out and he attached it back. The pain was so piercing you knew it was going to be hell if you misbehaved.

           He placed the vibrator on your clit and started making slow, sloppy circles with it. You moaned and clenched your fists and your toes. Wonho left the vibrator on your clit for so long you were moaning and dripping wet, you wanted it inside you, it was killing you having it placed on one spot for that long. Your legs moved too much for Wonhos liking so he quickly flicked off the clasp from the other nipple, pain sharper than the last time, he rubbed the pain out and attached it back to you.

           After a while, he finally put the vibrator in you and started moving it in and out of you, your hands moving around but Wonho let that slide, you weren’t interrupting him so he thought it was forgivable. Your breath got deeper and you got wetter, the vibrations felt like lightning hitting your nerves.

           “You’re allowed to cum if you’re ready.” And just like that you let go. Your whole body seized up and Wonho pressed the vibrator harder into you, your moans quickly turned to whines and your legs were shaking, Wonho took that opportunity to flick both of the nipple clamps off and the sensation wasn’t painful, it only added to the orgasm and you got extremely lightheaded.

           He took off the blindfold and the gag and let you rest while he got his stuff together and decided to leave but before he did he walked over to you while you were getting dressed; “Just wait to see what I’ll do to you when you do well in your exams.”

[cripthevoteuk-blog]

Disabled in Theresa May’s Britain #34: Lauren [CW: suicide]

From West Midlands

In 2016 I was receiving okay (not great, but okay) treatment from Birmingham MH services for Bipolar Disorder whilst studying at university. I had regular appointments with a psychiatrist, I could always get my medication and I had somewhere to call/go in MH emergencies. 

In June 2016, I was informed that I would be immediately discharged from the adult services as everyone under 25 was to be moved to the new extended child and adolescent services 'Forward Thinking Birmingham'. I was told that I'd get a letter from FTB soon. My psychiatrist gave me prescriptions covering a much greater period of time than he had ever been comfortable doing before, I suspect because he knew I would not actually be hearing from them any time soon. He stressed to me that if I needed help in an emergency before FTB picked me up I could contact him there. I heard nothing from FTB until October. 

I called daily for months. My parents called daily. The most we ever got was an assurance that someone would phone us. I had an emergency in the summer. I tried to contact my old psychiatrist and was told by other staff that as I wasn't an adult patient anymore they couldn't let me speak to him. I ran out of medication. GPs wouldn't give me prescriptions without speaking to a current psychiatrist- which I didn't have. 

In September I went back for my third year of university pretty unwell. My university offered specialist mentoring for students with serious MH problems. I hadn't needed it before but now, receiving no treatment whatsoever and only able to get meds through a family friend with prescribing powers, I needed the help. To get that mentoring I needed a current psychiatrist. My university GP changed and that saved me. He started calling/writing to FTB about my case and others similar. He was visibly angry at them in our conversations and said they were totally unequipped to deal with the influx of patients but had lied and said they were. He said no one checked this. Through his efforts, I finally got an appointment in October. 

Instead of a hospital, I went to a dirty community centre in Selly Oak full of screaming children. They had none of my records or information. I had to go through my entire history again with my 'core worker', who told me that they were having trouble finding psychiatrists to see new 18-25 patients because all their previous psychiatrists were child and adolescent ones not suited to adult patients. He said they had to 'borrow' adult psychiatrists when they could find them and afford them and then hire extra space in random buildings around Birmingham, when possible, because their existing buildings were obviously used by their existing 0-18 work. I asked for a prescription and he told me he couldn't do that. He said he could ask the duty doctor but he "wouldn't like it". I started to cry so he agreed to do it so I would leave. 

I had to come back the next day for my prescription and when I did it was wrong. My mood stabiliser dose had changed and the type of antidepressant I was on changed totally. I challenged this and was told that the doctor 'thought it would be better'. I refused to accept it because no one with any medical credentials had seen me before making this change. I had to come back the next day. They had forgotten. The next day the drugs were right but the doses were wrong. Fortunately I already had a GP appointment that day too and I explained everything to him in tears. He wrote me a correct prescription and said he'd be speaking to them about this. 

I was offered a psychiatrist appointment in November, my first since June (I had previously been seeing or speaking to my psychiatrist once a month). My core worker was supposed to be there but didn't show up. The psychiatrist I saw tried to persuade me to change mood stabilisers and arranged blood tests to prepare for this. He talked a lot about talking therapies I could try which I agreed to. He said 'someone' would contact me about them. This didn't happen. I chased it up but I was just told someone would call me. They didn't. I had the blood tests but nothing happened. I didn't hear anything from FTB until January when my GP again stepped in. I'd been calling them as often as I could but I was at Uni 9-6 most days and the number was open 9-4. Even then they mostly didn't pick up and when they did they took my number and told me someone would get back to me. 

My cousin died in November. By January I was the sickest I'd been in years. When they got in contact in January they told my GP via letter they had seen me in December. This is either a mix up on their part or a complete lie. They later told my GP about two other appointments that didn't happen. When I challenged them on this they admitted that there hadn't been appointments and blamed admin. They offered me an appointment in February with my temporary core worker (as mine was on annual leave). He made me fill in a flow diagram about 'how I came to be this way' that I assume was designed for children as it had cute cartoons on it. I wrote "I have bipolar disorder" in every box. He laughed. I cried. That was the whole session. I'd given up on getting meds from them at this point and fortunately my amazing GP was seeing me regularly. 

At the end of February I got so ill I had to take time out of uni. I knew from past experience I was going to seriously hurt myself if I stayed. The University were amazing with this. I had to get extensions on several assignments including my dissertation and my mental health advisor from student support, personal tutor and project supervisor fought my corner to ensure that a GP letter was enough proof for the extensions- because I couldn't get one from a psychiatrist. My GP changed my antidepressant dosage. He wasn't comfortable doing it, but he wanted to help and knew that FTB weren't doing anything. The change sent me manic for a couple of weeks. I hurt myself accidentally during the mania and then intentionally during the depressive period that followed. I came back to uni eventually and had to defer my summer exams because I was now so behind. Having hurt myself was enough to get me another psychiatrist appointment. This time the core worker standing in for my original core worker did show up. They talked a lot between themselves and asked me something occasionally. They didn't have any of my information so we had to do my entire history again, but we ran out of time because of their conversation. I asked about the blood tests I had and the psychiatrist told me he had records of arranging the tests but hadn't received the results. He said he wouldn't arrange any more tests because I was nearly finished with university and probably wouldn't be around long enough for it to be worthwhile. He gave me a prescription (the first correct one I'd had from MH services since June the previous year) and also a prescription for sleeping pills (that I didn't want or need) "to make things easier". I don't know what he meant by that. 

Then nothing until April. I asked to speak to either of the core workers I'd seen and was told that they had both left the service weeks ago. (Since then receptionists had been telling me that one of them would call me back, despite them no longer working there). I asked if I had been assigned to anyone else. The receptionist sighed and asked if I really thought I needed to be. I said yes and she said that someone would call me back. I'm still waiting and calling. 

Within my university I know 4 other people who were moved from Birmingham adult services to Forward Thinking Birmingham. 2 have dropped out entirely since their treatment and safety nets disappeared. 1 has taken a year of medical leave. 1 killed himself. 

From online forums I've heard loads more stories like this from young people who've had their support/services/access to medications taken away. Some of them haven't posted anything in a long time now. I hope they're okay. I think they probably aren't. 

The overwhelming feeling we've all had is that the child services are totally unable to deal with us, unable to admit that, and just want us to go away. They want us to just disappear. So they ignore us and brush us off again and again because eventually that will work. We don't have it in us to keep fighting with them forever. 

The only reason I've fought this long is because of my GP and family's support. Most people simply do not have the support I've had. Often we just want to disappear too, so to hear that from the services that are supposed to help us is unbearable. 

It is active encouragement to kill yourself. I've been habitually suicidal since my late teens. Since my support evaporated because I was suddenly the wrong age I think about killing myself daily. I have no hope that things will get better- other than the vague idea that if I get to 25 the adult services will be better again. I suspect they probably won't be. And I'm not sure I'll manage to hold on that long. 

We are dying. Yes, we are killing ourselves, but we would not be doing this if basic services weren't being withheld. We are dying because we are being killed. 

[itsalasallianlifeforme]

2017 Kitson Institute Chronicles: Volume IV.

This one is gonna be long, so get a snack, kick your feet up and get comfy. 

This day was an incredibly heavy (in a good way) because we tackled a lot of important issues, such as: privilege, oppression, white fragility, and diversity awareness. It was a flash back to my sociology classes, and baby let me tell you... it made my brain hurt in the best of ways, and caused my heart to throw itself in a meat grinder. Plus, the lovely presenters used quotes from “Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?” and it brought me back to my involvement in tutoring for a program at La Salle that does one of the best jobs at giving it’s students a good idea of what social justice really is- shout out to Summit! 

Being part of the LGBT community has its advantages and practical uses, however the people that I discuss LGBT issues with are usually in the LGBT community. Because of this many are fully aware of all of the more complicated nuances of the spectrum of gender and sexual orientations that exist. I felt that my knowledge was quite useful during these sessions because LGBT centered issues were brought up. For example, another volunteer and I found ourselves trying to explain pansexuality, among other things to those who were not familiar with such topics but wanted clarification. It felt good to put my knowledge to active use. Please excuse my momentary self pat on the back, I promise that the mention of my familiarity with the subject is relevant to what I am about to talk about. 

This session laid out the information in a funnel fashion, where we started off with broad definitions of what kinds of oppression (institutional, interpersonal and internal) existed and narrowed it down to different ism’s (ableism, racism, classism etc) and we got onto the topic of knowledge about the LGBT community and what kinds of ism’s there are that affect and effect that community. One of the volunteers asked a very interesting question:

Do Christian brothers receive this type of training? 

The cohort had implemented a trend that if you liked, or agreed with something that someone had said that you snapped. Yes like in a poetry open mic night, it may seem silly to some but it is a non intrusive way of showing support. When this question was prompted, my fingers were on friggin’ fire. 

The short answer (from what I remember) was no but you have brothers who are open minded and more in touch with the developing spectrum of genders and sexual orientations, and those who are not. I wasn’t sure what the answer exactly was or if I was satisfied with it. I’m certain that this program has had gay, lesbian and bisexual volunteers but I am not sure if it had any trans or non binary volunteers. This got me (and the person that mentioned this) thinking that this should be mandatory for brothers as well. If they have never had a trans or non binary volunteer, would they just find a brother who was okay with that and do their best to accommodate and be there for the volunteer? What would happen if there was a late placement, and there were few options for a placement and none of the brothers at the available sites were okay or equipped to work with a trans or non binary volunteer? What would be done? Would they need to wait to serve in a place with brothers that do? After these questions were quick firing themselves into my mind, I came to the conclusion that these questions would not be as important if there was training to at least teach the brothers about this if they are not familiar with it.

The question was there but lingered, unanswered. I didn’t have the time to ask between sessions, but this is something I would like to discuss with the staff out of my own curiosity. 

Later, we moved onto a fish bowl activity where we listened to the experiences of the volunteers who were now doing their second year of service. This is where the day got intense, because quite a few things happened:

I saw a new side of my cohort members. They weren’t just the lovely people I was getting to know over the next week or so. They were the human, hard working, and sympathetic people that I knew they were.  This shined a light on them in a work setting. 

We got to hear real life examples of the issues of oppression, and white fragility and how that has impacted the second year volunteers and their students/those they serve in their work. 

I believe we got our first taste of what issues we may face during our service, and how deeply rooted they are. This was the first proverbial slap into reality, the atmosphere in the room changed from optimistic interest to... “Buckle up, this is what we are up against”. On top of that, I (and surely others) understood that these issues were most likely not something we as an individual or cohort could rectify in two years. Yay centuries of reinforced white fragility, and systemic oppression! In that moment we realized that: While we are strong, mighty and ready warriors with the hearts of Gryffindors...we are on a quest to fight the well fed and decidedly in charge three headed dog; and we are armed with a letter opener when we thought we were wielding the sword of Gryffindor. 

This conversation was very interesting to me, as I have spent quite some time tutoring about social justice issues and what that looks like in the education system. The stories and conversations of exactly how white fragility, all levels of oppression enraged me from my seat. It hurt even more to see the combination of frustration and sorrow on my cohort member’s faces a they shared their stories of examples of this oppression in their own sites. We all want to save the world, but the realization that it is not feasible to save everyone weighs not on the shoulders of those who are climbing the cliff to do so, but on the soul. I could see that fight to hold it up in their eyes as they spoke. 

As we moved onto different subjects I found myself intellectually stimulated as we talked about the issues of oppression and how that is shown in the various field's each volunteer was working in (mainly education) I found myself becoming more angry and disgusted with what I heard cohort members having to deal with. I am not completely ignorant to it, and it is a specific type of knowledge to be aware of...one that absolutely crushes you once you learn how to identify it. But hearing it, and seeing it weigh on the souls of my cohort members made it much worse. 

This session made me come to a few conclusions and questions:

Diverse staff representation is very important. My cohorts stated that (if they are teachers) that the students at their site would connect with them in certain ways simply because they were not white like the rest of the staff. The students they worked with were excited when a minority teacher came. This should not be something that should bring excitement, this should be something that should be expected and normal. Students not only got to see that someone of color was a teacher, but they also felt a different connection because the teacher of color would understand their struggles more than their white co-workers. This disconnect, is sad to see despite how much I understand it.

The question of how to address faculty members and administrators about white fragility? The fact that it is effecting the students is implied in this question. One volunteer shared a story that prompted this question, and she works at a mostly racial minority student body. A student was frustrated and angry, expressing how white teachers did not understand him or the issues he was going through, and the volunteer told him to take a minute to calm down if he wanted to talk it out with her. Another staff member (whether it was a supervisor or admin escapes my mind) came over to talk to him and asked him what was wrong. He told the staff member (with a lot of frustration that hadn’t fully subsided yet) that he was angry about the way he was being treated, and that the white staff did not understand his struggles. Instead of engaging with the student who clearly wanted to talk about it with someone, the staff member responded with a common white fragility reaction and simply said “Well clearly you are not ready to talk about it” in order to avoid the issue instead of sitting down and discussing it with him. This absolutely enraged me. As a person who has someone’s education, well being, growth etc entrusted in your care, how can you refuse to offer or deny that space to learn for your own comfort? If you can’t engage and talk about tough topics such as race in a mostly racial minority student body...WHY ARE YOU THERE? How do you justify ignoring that portion of growth for your presence in an academic setting?

This also bothered and enraged many other volunteers listening to this. However, my anger (and others) subsided a little when we were reminded that we are not there to change the site we are serving at or the way things are there. We are there to love those we are serving. We are there to do what I live by, do what we can, for who we can, for as long as we can.

I’ve always said this about sociology, but it applies here too: Sociology/service is great and detrimental to those who have a love for it. The more you feed your brain to learn and experience different things, the more you harbor love and hate for the world around you. You love to know why things work, why people do certain things and interact with people but you also see the ugly side that contributes to and destroys the beauty around you.

To me...in this case, sociologist, service volunteer, and masochist are all synonyms of each other. But it’s okay. You cannot ignore the problems you observe, because if you do then you cannot fix them and see the beauty that the solution was made to reveal.

That day was an absolute emotional roller coaster for me but in the end I realized something. While this mission comes with a price of sorrow for the problems we seek to solve, and the love we take out of ourselves in order to give it to those we serve. The more you see, experience, and love... the stronger you make yourself to do better when you must do the same thing for different people, in a different place in the future. 

If you’ve made it to the end, thanks for stickin’ with me. 

Stay tuned for more Kitson Institute Chronicles. 

[twascooluntilitisnt-blog]

For Chloe:

You were everything I’ve always wanted, but I know I’ll never have

You walked to the front, towards those people in the lobby who are processing the papers of students who will be residing at the dorm. You stood out. It seemed like everyone else in the room were faceless, the background was blurred, and I could only see you.

You were beautiful. I was easily swept by the confidence you exuded. You asked questions I myself have been thinking but I couldn’t voice out. You were something I wasn’t.

You were my high school classmate’s roommate. I searched for that ex-classmate’s name in the room list and walked to her room. I found out it was just by the staircase. So I sat down to see who her roommate could be. It was you. You were breathtaking in those pyjamas. I told my ex-classmate you were beautiful and tall. I wasn’t just complimenting.

You were cute. You weren’t there the day my ex-classmate moved in. I figured you went home to your province to make the most out of the remaining two days before the semester officially starts. You left a note for your roommate, “Hi, roomie =)” She said you seem kind. I longed to see you sooner.

You were intelligent. We were officially freshmen of top school in the country. You were good at every subject, except Math, and your roommate told you I was a former quizzer. I agreed to tutor you every night.

You were a good listener. We were chatting, sharing mostly about ourselves and our interests. I told you about my fascination with LGBT community. You nodded as if it were normal in our homophobic country. You made me secretly happy.

Except you weren’t really good at listening. You were clingy. I told you I hate it when people are clingy towards me. I told you how much I hate hugs. I reasoned I just wasn’t comfortable. I lied. I was in a relationship with a girl I don’t really love, and I fall in love so easily I was afraid of falling for you. After our first tutorial sesion, I bid goodbye to you and your roomie. You told me, “Thank you! I love you.” I heard your roommate yell ‘I hate you! I’m her roommate but she loves you already!“ I laughed. I fell asleep thinking of you.

You were caring. I made an excuse to be with you longer. Your roommate and I planned to catch up and we ended at 5am, 2 hours before my first class. I was so damn tired but I was so happy I got the chance to secretly watch you sleep. You were adorable on that Barbie™ bed sheet and all-pink pillowcases and blanket. I managed to get through the long day and you saw me as I go upstairs to my room. You waved but I didn’t notice you. That night, I was halfway through our session when you noticed me yawn. You told me it’s okay, that I am tired and I should get rest. Your roommate told me you freaked out when you learned that I got no sleep. You made my heart flutter.

You were weird. We ate out one night, with your roommate. I told you I wasn’t eating egg but you didn’t get my accent. You thought I was saying I wasn’t eaten by the egg. I laughed at you. Cultural difference is okay. You ate breaded patty, and put a lot of vinegar on it. I cringed. You said it was delicious. I knew right then I wasn’t loyal anymore.

You were friendly. Overfriendly. I told you about my plans of moving out. I told you I was homesick and that my roommate hadn’t talked to me ever since and I feel so sad. You told me we could talk to the admin so that I could sleep in your room, too. I laughed. You frowned. I wished we could just do that and forget about my other commitment. My conscience won. I left.

You looked for me. You messaged me asking me where I was. I told you I was at my relatives’ house where I would be staying for the year. You were so sad. I visited you when I did my clearance. You were home. I almost cried right there for I didn’t have the chance to see you for one last time.

You were getting used to my accent. We were texting about how to go home from the university to each other’s province. I accidentally composed a sentence understandable in our province. I corrected myself and you told me you were used to it. I wished I could get used to the idea of being your friend.

We continued chatting occasionally. One night, I decided to be silly and I told you I was really a cat. You told me, “You are a cute and funny cat. =)” I hated you for making it easy to fall in love with you.

I did see you months later. You didn’t forget me. I was done with Math and you were just going to the building. I didn’t notice you, but you pulled me into a hug. You told me you missed me and I just smiled. We didn’t do small talks. You would be late if we did. I lied. I love hugs. I love your hugs.

You greeted me on my birthday, a day I didn’t think was special. We passed by each other again, and you instantly hugged me. I told you I had to go home because it was my birthday. You hugged me tighter. I controlled myself not to hug you back, but I didn’t dare hide my smile. You told me I’m getting older, I argued you were older than me. You laughed and I told you to go to your class. You pulled me in another hug and whispered, “Happy birthday.” That was the best birthday I’ve ever had.

You didn’t show up on when I asked you if we could stroll. I waited for you to finish your class. I was right out of the building. You texted me I wasn’t there, and that you have gone home. I blamed myself for not looking close for you.

You didn’t show up as well when I asked you if we could attend a program together. You told me you will try. I waited for you for hours and hours. My classes finished at 1pm and I waited till 9pm. I was so heartbroken I texted you how hurting I am and I cut off our communication.

You were dating somebody. I learned that the time you didn’t show up, you were with him. We passed by each other again at Math building, this time you were with him. I distanced myself but you reached out and patted on my shoulder and offered me a sad, sorry smile. I nodded. I cried on the way home. I can’t be happy for you.

Especially since he wasn’t treating you right the next time I saw you, two months later, during the next semester. I wanted to see your roomie but it was you who entertained me while she was busy. You were sick. I was worried sick. I’ve heard about how bad he had been treating you, how he wanted you to be his trophy, how he didn’t let you decide on your own body. I offered you ears. You didn’t even hear it.

You were with him the last time I saw you. You were holding hands. I watched as you walked farther, with smiles plastered on your faces. I think I was just a little too hopeful at the time of being in love with you that I looked past the sparkle in your eyes in your photos together, that I ignored how head over heels in love you are with him. You were his, despite how treated you, and you still are.

But despite that, you are still everything I want, and even though I know that I’ll never be with you, I cannot push myself to forget these unrequited feelings I have for you. You were the rain I have long wished to come but I stayed inside when you did, and I watched you fall into something else, leaving those droplets around everything to remind me of the beauty and destruction of your arrival.