#but I realized she was kind of a stereotype

[myapothecarydiary]

Eunuchs, Value, and Appearance– Brief Thoughts on Beauty and Gender in The Apothecary Diaries Manga Volume 1

This is an offshoot of my thoughts from Ch. 4 of the manga, but it also connects greatly to Ch. 1, so a brief recap of where these thoughts sprung from:

As Maomao and Gaoshun go to investigate the "ghost" dancing on the palace wall, Maomao again reflects that Gaoshun doesn't look like a typical eunuch. Her first instinct upon meeting him was the classify him as a "military man" but because he was in the rear palace, he had to be a eunuch.

Meeting again, she thinks he looks "very masculine" and not "like a typical eunuch at all." In this moment, we get another example of Maomao's understanding of and perspective on eunuchs and gender being challenged. Or do we?

A product of her time and background, Maomao has a very specific and somewhat rigid way of thinking about gender. I think that perspective ebbs and flows, but it is very much informed by the outline provided to her by the society she exists within.

Sometimes, what first appears to challenge the constraints of that outline actually works to reaffirm it.

Gaoshun appearing more masculine and like a military man is not presented in the story to challenge a bias but it is Maomao's first clue that something else is going on with Gaoshun, that there's more to the story. It is not a purposeful reflection on gender by the author but a purposeful piece of a puzzle Maomao is solving within the story.

The same thing happens later when Maomao inspects Jinshi's body and sees it is more muscular than a eunuch's would be. Without further investigation, the presentation of eunuchs that don't fit the stereotype challenges that stereotype, but the truth of the matter actually kind of relies on and reaffirms those stereotypes. Gaoshun isn't just a eunuch and wasn't always a eunuch. Jinshi isn't a eunuch at all. If they didn't seem like regular eunuchs, it's because they are not.

[And if we flash forward to how another character is addressed–Maomao observes that Ah-Duo appears more masculine than feminine, which reminds her of Jinshi. Seems like a great challenge to gender norms, but then Maomao's bias/the binary is reinforced by the fact that Ah-Duo's womb was removed. Jinshi is castrated, thus more feminine and Ah-Duo had her womb removed, thus more masculine. Or so it seems to Maomao...]

And yet, just because these moments weren't included to say something about gender, it doesn't mean that nothing on that topic is being said. And the fact remains that Jinshi isn't actually castrated/a eunuch! So he works to both reinforce Maomao's views on gender and challenge them. Though he isn't actually a eunuch, he still appears very feminine. That is, arguably in part due to the drugs/forms of suppression he uses to assume his eunuch persona and operate in the rear palace, but even without those measures, Jinshi still possesses a great "feminine" beauty. He is sort of a contradictory figure in that sense.

With that, I wanted to circle back to something I noted in chapter 1. I noted that Maomao is "disappointed" when she realizes Jinshi is a man and that his beauty is not possessed by a woman. I thought of this point as contributing to the conversation around gender and around beauty within the story.

I also put a pin in the idea of how Maomao values beauty and recognizes how beauty gives someone value and specifically how Maomao views beauty as it relates to Jinshi–a waste on a man, disastrously powerful on a woman, extra wasteful on a man sans frog (aka castrated).

These fuzzy reflections got some great extra translation-related context from @amiriirish (thank you for that!), specifically regarding the line "A man? That's too bad," Maomao's thought when she realizes Jinshi isn't a woman. A more accurate translation would be "A man? What a waste" or as it is written in the GX version: “'タマナシだけどな…もったいない' which roughly translates to '(He) doesn’t have balls, though. What a waste.'"

I love how @amiriirish describes Maomao's perspective in this moment as one of "a scientist, not wanting to see good genes go to waste" as within the historical context of the setting, a person's purpose is to get married and have kids/keep the family line going/pass on their genes. Jinshi being castrated means he won't be able to produce any beautiful children and so his beauty is going to waste by not being passed down.

I was pretty vague in my initial thoughts, but I meant to sort of hand-wave at these ideas (albeit in a much less articulate way) and though I do think Maomao's sexuality is another interesting conversation (and I personally favor the interpretation of her as on the asexual + bisexual spectrums), I didn't mean to highlight Maomao's attraction to Jinshi during their first meeting but rather her recognizing his general attractiveness and beauty. Love bi Maomao, but I don't actually think she was attracted to Jinshi at that moment. Like with her view of the "wastefulness" of his beauty, she is looking at him like a scientist/as more of an observer than participant.

Maomao's introduction to Jinshi is the beginning of her generalizations about his beauty and how she positions herself as an outsider in those generalizations. Anyone would be attracted to him but that anyone does not refer to her. At least not yet.

Instead, I was thinking of Maomao's disappointment at Jinshi being a man rather than a woman as a reflection of her upbringing in the pleasure district and her familiarity with female beauty specifically.

We don't get a lot from Maomao about beauty or handsomeness in men. Or when we do, she seems even more removed from it. Like it isn't really worth noting. I think this is because she has learned how beauty can function as a sort of currency or tool for women.

Even in the very beginning of chapter 1, Maomao reflects on how a "pretty face" (and a voluptuous body) can lead to a woman rising through the ranks.

@teaflowsthroughthesesims discussed this further in some awesome expanded thoughts:

"In the circles [Maomao] runs in beauty is power, or a means of obtaining it, mostly but not exclusively for women. In her view, it's fitting that the powerful be beautiful, and expected that it be used as a weapon or tactic of controlling others.

Beauty is also tied up in desire towards others. The desire of a customer for a courtesan is due to beauty, the desire of an emperor for a concubine naturally falls on the lovely ones -- and [Maomao's] own undesirability is tied up in her lack of beauty (i.e chicken bones vs. abalone)."

"This is why she immediately sees Jinshi's flirting as a tactic - beauty is a tool to be used. Also, she chooses ways to describe Jinshi's beauty in terms of how it would control other people - 'a nation-toppling beauty' or 'a sex appeal that would drive both men and women mad' (paraphrased)."

"Aside from her upbringing in brothels, this is also probably why it doesn't 'work' on her - she is always expecting beauty to be used as a weapon or tool."

With that being said, I think Maomao views Jinshi's beauty as a waste on a eunuch and on a man both because it means that beauty will not be genetically passed on and because it means that beauty cannot be strategically used as a tool by a woman. But after this moment of meeting, Maomao will soon see how Jinshi, despite being a eunuch and a man, can use his beauty as a tool too. Something she probably knew was a thing already (men using their looks), just something she's not as familiar with.

I think there also remains a curiosity in Maomao regarding the concept of Jinshi as a woman, which we see again later when Maomao can't resist trying out lipstick on him to try and see what he might look like if he were a woman. There's perhaps something self-indulgent in that, as well as something that brings together the world Maomao knew before and the one she is coming to know. Thinking of Maomao as a scientist, it is a little experiment, but though Maomao is practical and her view of beauty is influenced by that, I think she is more than her practicality and pragmatism too.

More thoughts in this vein will surely come once we get to Maomao's reasons for using makeup to add freckles to her face!

[irllyneedtogettherapy]

I just had a realization. Well, a solid 3

Hera makes Piper Jason's fake girlfriend because she likes her. It's her seal of aproval *this girl is good for you*, her own twisted way of fabricating Jason into her idea of a perfect hero.

Perfect heroes have a good, smart, loyal girl next to them.

Hera loves classics. We see it in Battle of the Labyrinth when she explains she like the perfect cut from the mold kind of family.

She likes her heroes to be that too.

If you are making a clasic greek demigod hero, you make him a son of Zeus. If you are making a romantic interest for your demigod, you make her a daughter of Aphrodite.

On a different note,

Piper and Jason were never meant to be together. They fit for the pretty picture, and nothing else.

Jason doesn't know how to be anything but who he is expected to. Piper rejects everything that even leans close to be a stereotype (an ironically stereotypical 15yo girl reaction if we are honest). This isn't the kind of opposites that atrack. They are the kind of kids that grow parallel of each other. Piper will grow to heal and learn to enjoy being a stereotype. Jason was growing to opose everything that was mandated to him.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

@dalishious made an elven character creator for Dragon Age and I got hooked ( it is HERE if you want it).

So… here:

Naomhan Tabris. A good kid who was full of dreams about being a great hero who would lead the world into respecting his people only to watch as they put more focus on his companions and not him. After her saved his father from a riot, Naomhan was bitter enough to follow the woman he loved (Morrigan) through the mirror, bringing his father with him.

Thea Surana. An intelligent mage who tended to prefer the truth over white lies, Thea was used to being able to over come thing through willpower alone. Being out in the world though taught her more then books ever did and she learned that sometimes lies or misdirection was needed. She comes from Rivani and had gotten her tattoo and piercings done in secret, hoping to one day go to the homeland she dimly remembered before her magic manifested.

Davalla Lavellan. My delightful himbo lady warrior who likes to chase dragons and wrestle with Bull. She is intelligent and quick witted, managing to get a full court approval (I still let Celene die though ✨tragic✨). She’s just also the person to get distracted or over eager to hunt down dragons or poke at giants. She’s huge on staying true to yourself owning what you believe in, which led to some issues down the road with Sera and later when her lover Solas left.

Revas Lavellan!! I originally shelved her after wanting to replay the games but I delight in her to much to let go. So instead I kept her wok editing her enough to not do the same thing. I also edited her name after learning of the… issues reguarding the person’s lexicon I took the name from.

Revas is a rouge who has a bit of a devil may care attitude. After spiders destroyed her first clan a when she was in her twenties vallaslin, she became very ‘live in the moment’. She found the Lavellan clan after her clan’s death and began searching for her baby sister who had been alive during the attack on the clan but awakened her magic quite late in life as she herself had just gotten her vallaslin. Harellen was caught by Templars in a town they passed though, being dragged off. Revas devoted her life to find her… and did, selling wares with a blank face. Revas kidnapped Harellen to take her to Lavellan where the former mage became a craftsmen.

Of course we have my AU of this…

Harellen Lavellan. A world where Revas fought off the Templars and Harellen fled into the forest where she found a clan. Young and never trained, Harellen devoted herself to work as a mage, hoping in her heart to bring her sister back to her. She eventually started going by Harel when her interests became more macibure and more into the idea of the dead coming back. She was eventually traded to the Lavellan clan who were welcoming of Harel’s interests in things like entropy and necromancy. Harel eventually accepted she would never bring her sister back but devoted herself to her studies.

[ink-the-artist]

forgive me if you've been asked this before or if its annoying, but how did you learn to use colored pencils like that? your art is so special to me.

ty :) I took an art class for a few years where our teacher had us buy prismacolor pencils as one of the art supplies and had us use them kinda like paints, pressing down hard right away and blending the colors together. its not how youre supposed to use them she was just trying to teach us to use color and ig this was more to the point. I picked them up again years after i stopped going to that class just bc they were there and i wanted to play around w them a bit and ended up actually enjoying it when doing it on my own terms lol

[enderspawn]

thinking.. jay can be so undiagnosed-until-adulthood autism coded <3

[nancyxhardy]

Not only do Ingrid and Z have exponentially more chemistry, but they actually understand each other. Their moralities and outlooks and goals really line up. And Z is literally the only one of the three who actually supports Ingrid. Like anytime she is upset (and for valid reasons) the other two are just like 'you're pretty and smart it's fine you don't need to do anything just move on' but Z is like 'yeah you fucked up but if you're serious I will help you fix it'. Like the whole thing where he keeps saying that someone bad wouldn't feel bad about doing bad things. Z really believes in her, but he holds her accountable, and that is what she needs. It's so much better than the way the white men placate her to get what they want out of her.

[musical-chick-13]

...That...sure was a reveal wasn’t it.

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

[livinginshambles]

Not ridiculous at all | James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x fem!Reader

Word Count: 3.5k

Summary: You are part of the marauders, always having felt special when they called you part of the gang, but also consequently too embarrassed to admit to wanting to be more feminine, afraid that they would no longer deem you cool enough to hang out with you. You are hurt by James' comments and James might realise something when you're avoiding him.

Notes: Best friend!James, he's a bit stupid, Lily is a sweet friend, arguments, so maybe a little angsty, but not really, classic cliche tropes like friends to lovers, misunderstandings, pining (I literally just dreamt this so it's a bit patchy) and I know it's very stereotypical but that's why it's just fanfiction :)

(PS) I haven't written before, just wanted to get this out of my system. English is my third language, and this fic is not proofread because I'm way too lazy for that! Enjoy!

Part two Masterlist

__________________

You've grown up with James Potter and have been part of the marauders since the very beginning. You always took 'being one of the guys' or 'part of the gang' as a compliment, it left you feeling giddy as if you were included in some secret group that only you had the privilege of belonging to.

But sometimes you would sit in the girls dormitory and despite your friends laughing and chatting about, you would feel a wave of loneliness wash over you. They often did activities together and by now, 6th year at Hogwarts, they've managed to stop asking you to join them as you've always dutifully replied that it 'wasn't your thing'.

I mean, what would the guys think of you? It would be too embarrassing to admit to them, or anyone for that matter, that you would love to be dolled up for once. To go shopping with your friends, be included in movie nights, asked by Alice if she could test some makeup on you, or read and gossip about the new romance novels that were the new hype.

Especially now when you sat on your bed, part of the circle in which they were discussing plans to go dress shopping.

"You should absolutely join us!" Alice squealed in delight. You were shaken out of your train of thoughts with a huh and realized the conversation had taken a turn somewhere and now included you too. Marlene and Lily nodded fervently in agreement but you bashfully shook your head.

"Nah, can you imagine me in a dress?" You joked, but Dorcas caught the curious and somewhat longing look in your eyes at the mention of getting ready for the Yule ball.

"I think you would look great actually. And besides, you can treat yourself too sometime you know. You're not obligated to stick with the marauders all the time." The girls in the dorm once again all agreed and you smiled at their kindness.

"Since when are you interested in things like the Yule ball?"

You snapped your head up at James to see his questioning eyes and then quickly averted your own in a flustered manner as if one of your greatest secrets had just been uncovered. "I just think it seems nice, that's all, I'm not even going or anything", you defended. You felt slightly embarrassed by James' face which wore a weirded out expression.

"Well you're not really the type to go to such an event anyway right?", James remarked. You did your best to hide your frown at his immediate agreement. Was it that bad that you'd hoped he would say something along the lines of 'what are you talking about, go enjoy yourself at the party' or something like that?

"Besides I can't imagine you in a dress, all made up, it'd just look so ridiculous." James continued. Remus, ever the sweet and attentive boy glanced at you and noticed your slightly sacked shoulders in disappointment at his words.

"I mean you're just not that type of person, you know? Like completely opposite of Lily."

And with that your face felt like it burned from embarrassment. As if you didn't already know. That didn't mean you didn't want to be more like her sometimes.

Peter's eyes flicked with concern from James to you and back.

You felt hurt and forced yourself to stop tears welling up at his words, mustering up a grin, ready to agree with him but were interrupted by Sirius who had now also caught your change in mood.

"Prongs, you really have no tact at all, how are you expecting to even win Evans over with that?" He said in a playful manner as to not offend their whipped friend, but not fully succeeding.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" James looked slightly offended and Remus jumped in the conversation.

"That's just not a nice thing to say. It's different if you call me an ugly toad, but not Y/N! If she wants to go to the Yule Ball all dolled up, she definitely should." He shot you a supportive smile which you returned.

Peter nodded in agreement. "I don't think you'd look ridiculous at all," he told you sincerely. You subtly scooted a little closer to him and Remus.

"But it's Y/N, it'd just look weird, cause she's just not a proper girl like that, no offense." James shot back and gave you a smile at the last two words.

You saw Remus opening his mouth to retort but quickly intervened. "He's right." You told them. You just wanted this conversation to be over with already. It was awkward and painful for you as it was.

James didn't seem to get the memo, however, and kept on going, drilling your confidence further into the ground.

"See, she agrees." He turned to you. "It's not like you're ugly or anything but it'd be ridiculous. Like I said, you're not the type to be all beautiful and dressed up, hair done and all. I mean you're cool, but not pretty like that." He was clearly not done yet and started talking about Lily and her beauty at which point you abruptly got up and left.

"What's gotten into her?" James remarked with a frown.

Sirius and Remus didn't even bother to answer and just stared at him in disbelief.

The girls comforted you as you cried. Marlene barged in with ice cream, stolen from the kitchen in one hand and 5 spoons in the other. "What a jerk." She commented and thrust a spoon in your hand before plopping down in front of you with the rest of your friends.

Lily sighed frustratedly. "See this is why I don't like him at all. He's so rude and arrogant, and he-"

"- is right." You answered dejectedly. "I'm your friend, but not the type to join you guys and belong to your circle."

"Well that's only because you hang around the boys all the time," Alice argued. She nudged you. "But you know what, now that James is being a git, you can hang out with us!"

Dorcas gasped dramatically. "We could do a girls night! Treat ourselves a little", she jumped up. "I'll get the face masks and nail polish!"

Lily let go of you too and told you to sit up. "Come on, let me do your hair," she smiled.

With Marlene feeding you ice cream, your nails being polished by Alice, hair done by Lily and Dorcas reading the latest romance novel out loud while you were all wearing a facemask, you couldn't help but feel all warm inside.

"I love you guys."

"Don't talk with your mouth full."

You laughed and pushed Marlene teasingly off the bed.

"Hey, watch it! I just finished your right hand." Alice complained.

James was a moron. He was kind hearted (to most), popular, captain of the Quidditch team, good looking but a moron nonetheless. So he was absolutely clueless to find you missing from the common room yesterday evening and even more clueless when you were missing from your usual spot next to him at the Gryffindor table in the great hall, because he could not for the life of him think of a reason why you would sit with Alice and Frank instead.

He frowned and felt uneasy at the fact that you hadn't even looked at him, let alone come for a hug with your smile and said 'good morning' like usual. He shook the thoughts away. You were obviously allowed to have your own friends as well and not obligated to spend all your time with him.

The door of the great hall behind him opened and Lily Evans walked in, which was why instead of walking up to you to say something, he habitually turned to Lily instead.

"You look beautiful this morning as usual. I could put in the effort to match you when we go out together?" He shot her a wink and a coy smile but faltered slightly when his attempts at flirting got even less of a reaction out of her than usual.

James turned to Sirius with a questioning look, as if to ask 'you noticed that too right?' but Sirius simply shrugged. When James looked back at Frank and Alice, you were gone, having left the moment you felt his stare.

James started to ponder. 'Were you avoiding him? Surely you wouldn't, right? You two were friends after all, childhood friends. Childhood best friends even, for Merlin's sake! If you were upset with him, you'd definitely let him know.'

A week passed with you, sitting on the opposite sides of the classroom, seemingly having picked partners long before class because how else would you team up with random students before James could even blink?

He had now fully accepted that you were avoiding him. And with that, he meant 'accepting the possibility of that occurrence'. He was by no means going to accept your strange new behavior without doing anything.

The last drop though, was when he heard the news from Peter that you'd already left for Hogsmeade with the girls.

He frowned. 'You were kind', he reasoned. If you were upset with him, then he'd have to apologize. Quickly. Because it's been far too long without his best friend and he realized he missed you. Especially seeing you hang out with others.

"What did I do?" He finally asked his remaining friends.

"Really Prongs?" Remus couldn't help but ask. His friend just gave him a look that said 'well go on then, what is it'.

"How about you think about what you said last week, you know, those rude comments about the Yule ball."

"Yeah, but I already apologized yesterday and told her that I didn't mean to offend her!" James flailed his arms around when he exclaimed it.

"But she's still only hanging out with anyone but me," he whined. "Peter studied with her, Pads got a 'good morning' this morning and you're still talking to eachother.

Remus gave him an unimpressed look at his whining but James was not done complaining yet.

"She keeps spending all her time with the girls while she doesn't even seem to be fully enjoying herself"

This was true. You dearly missed James, so despite your newfound hobbies, a look of sadness sometimes fell over your face, which hadn't escaped James' attention.

"And I just don't understand why she would-" He started but never finished, something dawning on him. "Oh of course! Merlin, I'm so stupid!" He shouted out in epiphany.

"Your words not mine," Sirius quickly took the opportunity.

"Oh bugger off Pads", James laughed and pushed Sirius' arm. And with that, he took off to find you.

Sirius and Remus watched him leave and sighed at the same time. "Do you really think he got it?"

"I bloody hope so, Moony."

"But it's James."

"Yeah, but I mean it's not my fight but even I realize that she's sad that James made fun of the idea of her being more girly when she secretly wants to be. Now she's trying out what she likes, without having to stay within the role of 'one of the guys'. I mean, it's pretty straightforward. I guess a genuine apology and show of support is the solution."

"But it's James."

"Yep, you're right."

Though he hadn't been able to find you, he'd waited patiently for your return in the common room. Staring at the ceiling from his laid back position on the couch.

"Oh there you are, Y/N," He rushed to sit up to face you when you entered the room. If you were surprised by his presence, you didn't show it.

"We need to talk, I wanted to apologize." He breathed out, relieved at himself for having figured it out. "Also, I've missed you so much."

You felt a weight fall off your shoulders. You didn't want to be upset with him and felt incredibly relieved to hear him say that.

"I'm sorry for the things I said. I didn't mean for you to get offended or anything," James began.

"Yeah, you already said that." You frowned. "And I remember I told you that that was not a proper apology."

"I know, I know. It was shitty of me so I wanted to apologize. Properly you know? I'm really really sorry. I was a terrible friend and shouldn't have said the things I said. Please forgive me?" He proceeded to give you Bambi eyes in an attempt to convince you. It unsurprisingly worked.

You softly smiled up at him. "Okay". You barely got the word out before he pulled you into a bone-crushing hug.

"Great," he said, cutting through the comfortable silence that you two had been hugging in.

"Now you don't have to avoid me anymore, and you can stop sitting with the girls to prove your point, and join us again instead." He triumphantly continued.

What now?

You blanked. "I'm sorry?" You managed to ask.

"I get that I hurt you by saying your weren't a proper girl, but you don't have to pretend to prove your point by trying to be one." James stated, proud of himself that he figured it out.

"Because I can see that you don't like it, like your face gets all gloomy which is understandable because it isn't really your circle of people."

You stared at him, an incredulous look on your face.

"Fuck you James." You said, your voice coming out softer than you'd hoped. Tears were welling up again, but you couldn't help yourself.

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I do want that to be my circle of people? That I don't just want to be one of the guys all the time? Is it that crazy to think that I'm still a girl with feelings? That I want to feel pretty too? That I don't like being told by my supposed best friend that I'm basically ugly? That I hate to be compared to other girls like that?"

You were ranting and James had taken a step back, surprised by your outburst.

"No, that's not what I-", James tried to salvage the situation but you weren't having it.

"You've told me that stuff for as long as I can remember and I never told you otherwise because I was scared that you'd no longer want to hang out with me for not being a 'chill friend'. But you know what, I no longer want you to."

At this point, you angrily wiped your eyes to get rid of tears that were threatening to spill. "So fuck you". With that, you brushed past him, escaping upstairs to your room.

James Fleamont Potter felt absolutely miserable.

If anyone told James that you'd ever be more on his mind than Lily, he would call them ridiculous. But here he was, another week had passed and he was staring at your back as you were leaving with your friends for Hogsmeade again.

You weren't wearing your school uniform and robes anymore and James was surprised to see you wearing one of what he knew to be Lily's dresses.

'It suited you more than it suited Lily.' The unwarranted thought flashed through his mind and he shook his head with a scoff to himself. What was going on?

James also noticed that your hair was brushed and shining with a butterfly clip holding your hair in a bun. He wondered when you decided to change your hairstyle because he found that it framed your face perfectly.

'Not ridiculous at all,' he understood.

You looked absolutely perfect.

You turned your face a little and James could feel his head reeling. Have you always been this glowing? Was he just simply missing you? He didn't even realize that he hadn't spared Lily a glance- until Sirius mentioned her while they were having a drink - and a strange feeling washed over him at the thought.

You were running from Filch.

'Fuck I shouldn't have studied after hours, curfew was probably hours ago," you cursed to yourself and took a sharp right turn. You were trying to reach the secret passage right behind the big statue on the fourth floor when you saw the hallway light up because of Filches torch.

Forcing your legs to move faster, you were suddenly grabbed by the wrist. A hand was clasped over your mouth and you felt a heavy cloth fall over you.

You recognised the person pressed to your back immediately and tried not to melt in his embrace as Filch walked straight past the two of you, covered in the invisibility cloak.

You could feel his breath against your temple. His hand had dropped from your mouth, instead draping across your stomach now to rest on your side. The other held out in front of you to create space under the cloak. You shifted a little and finally turned your head and lifted it to look at him and thank him but you were unable to say anything for a moment.

You simply admired him.

The proximity of the two of you in that intimate embrace had something fluttering in your stomach and you harshly jerked away in denial when your feelings hit you.

Oh no.

Now, all suddenly? What changed? Does it really take one random moment to flip your world upside down?

You rushed to push the invisibility cloak out of your way and then left without sparing James another glance.

James couldn't force his legs to move to run after you, still reeling from about the exact same epiphany that you'd just run away from. Your gaze, his fast beating heart and the urge he had felt to lean down for a kiss had confirmed his conflicted feelings of the past few days since he'd seen you leave for Hogsmeade.

The following morning, you'd had the chance to properly process the happenings of last night.

Your conclusion was that you felt guilty that you hadn't even expressed your gratitude. It was rude, you figured. Even if you were overwhelmed by the sudden wave of realization that came crashing down on you, it was rude.

So you pushed your confused feelings aside and marched up to him when you found him in the great hall.

"Thanks, I owe you." You awkwardly said, stopping at his spot at the Gryffindor table. All while absolutely not having forgotten about the fact that the last time you had said something to him, you'd flipped him off and told him to go fuck himself.

James was absolutely beaming. "Yeah you do, but no worries, I'll cash it in right away." This was his chance. He would make up for his behavior and act on his feelings right now.

"How about a date?"

There was a long silence. Your heart plummeted to the ground. Right. James. Lily. Lily and James.

"What am I a magician?" You finally managed to sarcastically retort. "I'm a convincing person but not a miracle worker." You pulled your hand through your hair as you looked around the great hall to see if you could spot Lily.

"Alright, I'll see what I can do." You forced a smile.

James, who had been mostly confused at your words, disregarded it completely in delight at your acceptance to go out with him, even if it seemed somewhat reluctant. Not that it would matter because he was going to prove what an amazing boyfriend he could be. If you'd accept him, of course.

He was grinning from ear to ear, which you mistook as excitement at the prospect of a potential date with Lily. So when you abruptly turned on your heels and marched over to Lily, James watched you confusedly.

And when he heard you try to talk Lily into going out with him, he wanted to crawl in a ditch and die. He stood there, frozen and recounting how you could've interpreted that wrongly.

You returned to him after a while with an apologetic smile. "Yeah sorry Prongs, she-"

"You", he blurted out.

You raised your eyebrows. "Me?" You repeated back.

"The date, I meant you. A-and me of course. Us, like you and me on a date. Together. I thought maybe Hogsmeade?" He managed to force the words out nervously.

There was a long silence and James' shoulders slumped a little. Even more when you finally answered.

"Uh, no?" You said in a questioning manner. James officially wanted to die now.

"You're sweet James, and I don't think you do it on purpose but you're not interested in me like that." You began, trying to convince not only James, but yourself as well.

James opened his mouth to argue but you quickly interrupted him before he could properly do so.

"James, you really don't. And you asking me out on a date when you've quite literally been drooling over Lily just last week as you have been doing for the past 5 years, that's not very nice to me." You frowned.

"Oh." He whispered. He was once again at a lack of words for a moment. Terrible new habit, he thought. This was not how he thought it would go.

"I'd still gladly go with you to Hogsmeade though?" You offered. "Just you know, not as an easy second choice date while you are obviously head over heels with her."

'I'm not', he wanted to tell you, but it was obvious that you wouldn't believe him. "Yeah okay," he weakly smiled. "Just the two of us though."

You nodded and stepped forward, wrapped your arms around him and he leaned into you, returning the hug.

With his face pressed in your hair, eyes closed, he decided that this situation wasn't too bad. He's fought for Lily's affection for years. He'd fight harder for yours.

Part two

[steddielations]

Eddie’s queer awakening Part 2 | Part 1

Steve doesn’t know what else to do to make Eddie realize he likes him. Never in his life has he had to work this hard at winning someone over. Never.

Even with Nancy in high school, there was always a hint that she wanted him to chase her, which made it worthwhile. Sometimes, Eddie will do something that makes Steve sure he feels the same, flirting back. Then Eddie will do something that makes Steve not so sure, laughing it off.

Steve doesn’t like resorting to bullshit queer stereotypes because he doesn’t exactly fit them either, but Eddie looks like those rugged guys on his posters and album covers. Sometimes it feels like a masculinity performance worthy of King Steve, but sometimes it feels genuine.

Eddie’s not dressing like Bowie, but he prances around on cafeteria tables yelling about sodomy and he’s never had a girlfriend that Steve knows of. He could like both, same as Steve, of course. Or it could be nothing, of course. Steve’s just putting all these moves on a straight boy, about to get his heart broken again.

Robin’s given him countless pep talks, assuring him that he’s right about Eddie when he starts to doubt it. “You sniffed Vickie out just from her VHS returns. If anyone has a functional queer detector here, it’s you. Trust it.”

“What if I ask him out and he rejects me?” Steve fully understands Robin’s worries now, it’s not the same as getting shot down by a girl. “I’ve got enough rumors about me already.” They all wanted to say it in high school, calling Steve a pretty boy in tight pants that spent too much time in the mirror.

Tommy used to shoot them all down. Now he’s not by Steve’s side, snarling at anyone who suggests it. Which was mostly just Tommy trying to convince himself that everything they did under the covers at sleepovers was “just guy stuff”, and he convinced Steve too. To the point where Steve hadn’t even considered any different until a few months ago when he told Robin and— yeah, that was an eventful conversation. The first time he stumbled across the word bisexual— from a Bowie interview in one of Robin’s magazines— it felt like something clicked into place.

“I don’t think Eddie’s the type to out anyone, either way.” Robin’s right. She’s not always right, everything would be easier if she was, but she’s right about that.

“I keep having to pretend to like his shitty weed to get him to come over. Not even the yawn and stretch move worked on him. Y’know, this,” Steve demonstrates, stretching an arm above his head and then draping it over Robin’s shoulder. She shrugs him off with a fake gag. “I kept looking at his lips and I thought we were gonna kiss, but he laughed and poked me in the ribs and called me dude.”

Robin listens to all his boy troubles and then they come up with a plan. Steve decides he’s going to come out to Eddie, just put it out there that he likes guys. In a totally platonic way and hopefully that gets the ball rolling the other way, where he tells Eddie he likes one guy in particular and hopes all his Romeo efforts don’t blow up in his face.

So he goes for it. Eddie strolls into Family Video and picks out a movie that Steve’s actually heard of for once. It’s easy for Steve to throw him a smile and invite himself over. “You know this is the closest thing to a romance movie you’ve picked? No way I’m letting you watch this alone, somebody’s gotta hold your hand through the sad ending, looks like it’s gonna be me.”

Several emotions fly across Eddie’s face, landing on overwhelmed disbelief. “I don’t get it, man. How do you not have a girlfriend? You’d be so easy to fall in love with. Hell, I feel like you've made me fall halfway in love with you already. If I was a girl, I’d date the shit out of you.”

It looks like Eddie wants to clap a hand over his mouth as soon as the words leave it.

Steve watches him carefully, trying to think clearly over his heart pounding in his chest because Eddie just said he loves him, kind of. This is it. “Would you still date me as a guy?”

Eddie’s nervous hands jingle with chain bracelets as they tug his hair and hide his face. “You mean, objectively? As a guy would I date another guy? I mean, could I want that? I hadn’t really considered that option until now. Uh. Shit. Wow, this is-”

“Because I would, you know,” Steve jumps to say, as earnestly as he can, needing Eddie to finally know. How could he not know? This is it. Steve didn’t come all this way just to tap out at the finish line. He goes for it. “I’d date you as a guy, Eddie. I’d date the shit out of you, too, just like you are.”

Eddie’s face is flushed now, his eyes wide and swimming with both questions and realizations. Steve snaps out of it for a second, looking around to see the store is thankfully empty, Robin’s still on her break, but this isn’t the place for this conversation.

“Wanna talk about it over the movie tonight?” He offers.

It moors Eddie, he relaxes more and Steve hopes he’s not imagining the faint hint of a smile. “Yeah, that’s— yeah, talk. I can do that.”

“Okay, it’s a date. See you then.” Steve hands over the tape, their fingers brushing and making warmth flutter all through him. He watches Eddie halfway trip out the door, running into it once and pulling on it three times before pushing it open.

Steve can’t stop grinning, thinking about later, determined to tell Eddie he’s already in love with him too.

[mylight-png]

A while ago I was listening to Dara Horn's podcast relating to her book, People Love Dead Jews. Within this podcast she discussed the fact that Holocaust museums tend to center stories that highlight ways in which Jews were just like anyone else, putting secular Jews on a pedestal of sorts.

The podcast went on to make the point that we shouldn't have to be like them to be liked. A Jew in a kippah is just as worthy of being accepted as a Jew in a baseball cap, and to position one, the more assimilated one, as "better" is antisemitic.

This made me think of how movies and shows portray Jews, and I realized a similar pattern of idealizing assimilation is deeply prevalent.

There are two main ways Jews are portrayed in movies/shows that I've noticed that are problematic. (For a narrower scope I'll be discussing American media as I am more familiar with that than most other countries.)

The first kind of Jewish representation is the token Jew. This is the character that the viewer wouldn't even have known is Jewish had the show not casually mentioned them celebrating Hanukkah in passing. This is the character who is entirely the same as any other character. An example of this would be in Ginny and Georgia, where a few side characters are revealed to be Jewish. This reveal occurred only for the purpose of making a Hanukkah episode, and immediately one of the characters says the beginning words to most of our prayers, adding "bitch" at the end. This sort of absolutely blatant disrespect towards the words many of us wouldn't even speak fully in casual conversation is meant to indicate that it's okay to poke fun at our religion. (By the way, it isn't okay. Don't disrespect our religion, thanks.) (And no the actress wasn't Jewish.)

Then there's Ben Gross from Never Have I Ever, a similarly extremely assimilated Jewish character. Instead of making fun of Judaism, however, the show plays into Jewish stereotypes. Ben's dad is a wealthy influential lawyer who works with Hollywood. Come on, there's three in a row there. Ben himself is frequently made fun of for being very short (to an extent not befitting the actor's actual stature), and some of his mannerisms could be described as effeminate. All of these traits play into anti-Jewish stereotypes. The protagonist even says she wishes Ben was killed by Nazis and other than a scolding this isn't made to be the big deal that it is.

These sorts of characters are meant to show how Jews are "just like you!" and pokes cruel fun at the few remaining things that do occasionally set them apart. Yes, secular Jews exist, but the way these shows make fun of their Jewish identities is where the issue arises.

The second problematic representation is meant to make goyim feel good about being goyim. This is specifically done through how Judaism is portrayed in these movies.

A major example of this is the show Unorthodox, in which the plot centers a young girl trying to escape her very observant community. This show directly demonized the Jewish religion, making it appear inherently oppressive and twisted.

While some may argue that the show was merely trying to portray the social issues within the community, there are better ways to achieve this.

The book An Unorthodox Match takes on a similar task with a vastly different tone. The book centers a protagonist joining an equally observant community, but not for a moment does the book, author, or protagonist blame Judaism. The book is very clearly written by a Jew who loves Judaism, and yet it manages to highlight similar social issues to the show without blaming Judaism. In fact, Jewish traditions have a fair share of appreciation in the book!

This sort of media is meant to make the goyishe viewers be grateful they aren't part of those communities, but as a Jewish viewer I felt deeply uncomfortable with the positioning of religious Jews as a negative part of society. This media makes the characters seem like they have nothing at all in common with the goyim around them or the goyim watching the show. It's the polar opposite of the previous example.

The first example is showing Jews as "just like anyone else" until they aren't, while the second example portrays Jews as entirely other. Never have I seen an Orthodox Jewish character side by side with the non-Jewish characters in any other context than the Jewish character envying their non-Jewish peers.

Why is the choice either to be assimilated or othered? Why can we not have an observant Jewish character remind their friends that they can't hang out on Saturday, or maybe they bring their own kosher snacks? Maybe a Jewish character muttering a bracha over their food? Why not make being Jewish an important part of their character without making them self-loathe because of it?

Media almost only ever shows two extremes and neither of those extremes has a positive impact on the perception of Jews.

(There is also a pattern I've noticed with Jews and goyim being cast in Jewish roles and how that corresponds to the character, but that's probably another post for another time.)

[mooshywrites]

Hello there, I just wanted to start off by saying how much I adore your works!

Would I be able to request the companions reacting to a drow reader who is surprisingly kind and gentle but is still treated with distrust by people? I always found it odd how none of the companions reacted to Tav being treated poorly due to being a drow, especially considering how out of there way they go for others!

Thank you so much!

A/N - I know it would probably be wayyyyy too much game data to include tons of class and race specific lines, but this one I really feel like they should’ve gone into! If anyone reads this and has free time, do some research into drow and especially driders. It’s all a fascinating world

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

Masterlist

art commissions

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

Wyll -

~ Wyll was suspicious of you in the beginning, as much as he hated to admit.

~ It changed when he heard how you went out of your way to save a little tiefling boy from a gaggle of harpies

~ After that, he paid a lot of attention with how different you were to the drows he had heard of

~ He asked casual questions about your background, not so subtly trying to figure you out

~ The longer he knew you, the more he took issue when people would lump you in with the drow stereotype

~ Instead of confronting people, he filled every conversation when meeting someone knew with little tales and jokes about how great you are. How the group would fall apart without your kindness in direction

~ “I wish the world would see you the way that I do.”

Karlach -

~ Karlach was one of the most non-judgmental people you knew. To the point that she was one of the first people to treat you no different to anyone else

~ It also took her a bit to see the difference in how others treated you

~ She couldn’t quite wrap her head around why people treated you like you were shifty, all she knew was sunshine and rainbows when you were around

~ It took you crying for the first time to really heat Karlach up

~ It had been a long day and a shopkeeper refused to sell you any healing potions. He thought you were going to poison them and resell them

~ All the stress of the day caught up with you as the shopkeeper yelled, tears stating to run down your face

~ Karlach ran red hot, flames jumping from her body as she got all up in the storekeepers face

~ You were able to leave with an armful of free health potions, a very warm kiss on your forehead, and a very smiley Karlach herding you back to camp

~ “Anyone ever talks to you like that again, you just come tell Mumma K”

Astarion -

~ Astarion actually had the nerve to be disappointed when he realized how sweet you were

~ Everyone in camp seemed to have such high moral standards, he was hopeful at least you would lean more towards debochary

~ The annoyance didn’t last long though, it was hard to have a frown when you were near by

~ He might’ve acted exasperated by you bringing home a new less fortunate every night, but he was all grins when you weren’t looking

~ It gave him some hope, seeing you break away what everyone thought you were

~ You had people from all angles acting like you were one step away from pillaging their home, but you never offered anything but kindness.

~ “You make me feel like I can be a good person, too.”

Lae’zel -

~ Lae’zel didn’t see much point in being overly kind, so you mostly just confused her in the beginning

~ She couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t just go along with the stereotypes. It would probably be easier in the long run

~ What she couldn’t understand even more, though, is why she felt anger every time someone spoke down to you

~ Often times, she’d have quite the strong words for whoever was insulting you

~ The days she were also the nights she spent trying to convince you to act meaner

~ She was convinced it was the only way you could make it through the journey without being attacked from every side

~ You simply shook your head and told her you’d always choose the gentle path

~ “Chhk. Fine. I will be mean enough for the both of us.”

Halsin -

~ Halsin was much too old to believe in most stereotypes. But even you surprised him

~ He often watched you in the evenings, watched how you interacted with the various critters you brought home

~ You were so gentle and attentive, you didn’t even know ‘Speak Animals’ but you understood them completely

~ It warmed his heart to see how nature and all it’s charges reacted to you, it genuinely seemed that even the birds were attracted to your presence

~ He couldn’t even take people seriously when they spoke down to you

~ Their opinions were meaningless to him because he just couldn’t imagine you being anything other than lovely

~ Instead of arguing, he’d shower you in compliments afterwards, always making sure to patch up any piece of your insecurity that they had left

~ “They may not know it, but I and nature can see what a blessing you are to the world.”

Shadowheart -

~ Shadowheart was annoyed with how quickly she came to love and trust you

~ Something about your smiles and attitude were absolutely infectious, and she wondered how you kept it up when everyone thought you to be evil

~ She was even more impressed with how you brushed off naysayers comments

~ She’d tease you pretty often, she was the one who started calling you “The Gentle Drow”

~ As much as she affectionately tease you, she absolutely hated when people tried teasing you back

~ Even if it was good natured, or even coming from a companion, the tease was met with a very harsh glare from Shadowheart

~ She would outright shush people you didn’t know if they tried to insult you. Usually people dropped their jaw at the interaction

~ “Speak ill of my friend again, and I’ll relieve you of the use of your tongue.”

Gale -

~ Gale was absolutely fascinated with you

~ He didn’t really have an expectation of you being horrible, but he found it interesting that ‘The Hero of Farun’ was such a gentle and shy clutz

~ He often spoke to you as if he was talking to a science project, trying to get to the bottom of what made you so kind

~ He was thankful you were, it reminded him about how much people could decide for themselves

~ It surprised him when people insulted you, he was mostly shocked people had the gall to say things to your face

~ He was even more taken aback when, every time, you let the comments go, offering only kindness in return

~ Gale quite enjoyed walking around in public with you, almost cataloging how you interacted with people

~ Anytime you looked particularly weary from the constant abuse, he never failed to offer a joke

~ Once, a kid ran past, pointing at you and yelling that you were here to pillage the town

~ Gale simply picked up the edge of your scarf and put on a stoic face

~ “Not to worry, citizen. My drow is on a tight leash.”

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

[yourpsicodelicbitch]

intrusive thoughts astro version

mamoru yamamoto

I’ve noticed earth mars in signs or degrees gets aroused when their sexual partner it’s having a good time, adding that’s because of them.

if asteroid rhiannon (16912) it’s about running away, what would happen if it’s on 12H. ik what about it but 😭 I can’t help it but point it out.

rhiannon (16912) conjunct mercury means escape from situations thanks to their persuasiveness

return venus conjunct natal venus -in venus return chart-: you’re finding your aesthetic/style you feel more comfortable and that vibes with your vibe 😝. also the energy of your sign/house and degree is PRESENT, that’s why during all that period of time you could feel too prideful without hesitation. mine was sag venus 11H 6° (virgo degree), i was feeling a little too optimistic or enthusiastic and cut out people. you’re being kind of truth to yourself?

natal jupiter square return pluto -in venus return chart-: you’re in a period of rebirth and thanks to your lucky nature -natal jupiter- you’re deciding not to end it. wanting it or not, you have this feeling of overcoming things.

when I used placidus system, my moon was in 1H, then I used whole sign system and my moon changed to 2H. for a while I preferred placidus bc I didn’t feel seen by the 2H moon chart. then I realized the 2H characteristics where in front of me the whole time. I wanted to feel understood, 1H moon was comforting the idea that I’m sensitive and feel emotions insanely deep. besides, 2H moon it’s about craving for comfort and security. I was only focused on the financial part, the stereotypical and superficial part. it’s a good thing to compare both charts to analyze how they can guide you.

uranus 12h in Eros persona chart shows u crave for intimacy 😭

idk why every time I end up getting stressed and bored about a friend is when I have mercury square their neptune. -reading note: she’s still my friend, we just have different point of views or forms to process information. the mercury part doubts constantly about others opinions and arguments and they see neptune as impulsive and kind of ignorant, bc their way of believing in things.

referring to the solar eclipse -April 8, 2024- my 3H has been affected -aquarius ascendant-, days after, out of nowhere -I havent had connection with them- I’ve received a voice message from the lilith person I was talking about on my posts, someone I used to be friends and distanced myself away from them. I decided to listened to it on the day of solar eclipse without thinking thinking about this coincidence -solar eclipse, 3H is affected-.

natal neptune sextile transiting venus: i felt like I was high even though I took my tdah pills 😭 I was so in peace? I felt emphatic? transits with your dominant planet have a huge effect on your mood. mine’s neptune and was sextile transiting venus.

I’ve noticed people with saturn 8H are kind of like a libra venus, in a way they’re afraid their love experience won’t be as they dreamed. saturn 8H creates restrictions on sexual attitudes and matters. imo 8H mix love and sexual desires, they need something that would drag them out of their secure space, they’re afraid. they’re late bloomers when’s about their first kiss or etc.

3H stellium at a distant, it’s giving introvert or distant vibes, they try to process things logically and could be a little slow to catch a joke?

I have a friend I thought was mean and in her energy💅, could be described as intimidated. she’s the opposite. when I saw her birth chart it made total sense, coming from an aquarius ascendant -saturn ruled like capricorn-, I had no clue she was a saturn ruled. it always surprises me how defined some rising’s energies can be presented.

sun 4H brings a sense of familiarity, even more when your mars is 4H, you feel more comfortable with them -sun 4H-, they remind you of your family or the vibes.

pisces 7H in solar return chart could tell you’re expecting a lover, doesn’t mean you’re having one 😭 i swear this solar return was like that, I meet a person and then proceed to imagine a relationship with them.

(*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ૮꒰ྀི⸝⸝> . <⸝⸝꒱ྀིა ∗ ࣪ ˖༺ ♡ ༻˖ ࣪ ∗ */ᐠ - ˕ -マ✩ (˶˃ᆺ˂˶)∗ ࣪

♡ Based on personal experience and I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

♡ English is not my first language.

♡ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

[buckttommy]

Imho henren just doesn’t spark for me. They just kinda bore me and it’s okay to admit you don’t like every queer ship a show gives you.

You're right, it is 100% okay to not like every queer ship you are given. This is actually something I'm really passionate about, because it's deeply similar to the idea of recommending a piece of media based on the fact that it has queer rep and not based on what other value the media has. Both accepting a ship because it's queer and recommending a piece of media based on its queer components come with an inherent, Capitalistic demand to disregard quality in favor of quantity (i.e. "Yeah, that book is mostly porn, but at least it's got gay men in it!" or "That show is trash, but at least the queer couple is kind of cute.") So to that end I say, you are absolutely right. If Henren doesn't spark for you, it doesn't spark. There's nothing wrong with that.

The problem arises when people erase the fact that complex, meticulously crafted, realistic, healthy, and beautiful queer characters have existed on this show from the very beginning. Michael's storyline alone — a gay man who stepped into his identity later in life, despite already being married with children — was so deeply moving and impactful on its own, as was watching him develop a genuine relationship with Bobby, his ex-wife's husband. We never get stories like that on television. Someone is always left out. Someone is always hurt. Queerness is always seen as a permanent betrayal where no one gets to move on from that pain. But 9-1-1 gave us a story where these people became a unique and cohesive family, and that matters.

Henren doesn't spark for you, but the weight and significance of their existence is undeniable. For one, neither of these women are stereotyped and sexualized. Karen is the "femme" in the relationship but she's never put into clothes or situations designed to appeal to the male gaze. She is a mother, she is a wife, and she acts like one. For another, Queerness is not the sole focus of their arcs and is considered just a part of their lives like anything else. They have careers, they have a family, and yes, the cheating storyline in Season 1 reeks heavily of Ryan Murphy's homophobic ideology, but the way they chose to grow past it cannot be overstated. Stories where we get to not just live, or not just love, or not just be messy, but where we can do and be all three cannot be overstated.

So, yes, I get upset when people ignore the existence of these characters and these stories for the sake of Buck. I love Buck so deeply and, as a bisexual person who knows what it is like to realize, step into, and subsequently settle into that identity, I'm excited to see where his story takes him. But he's not the only queer character on the show, nor has he ever been, and whether you yourself are queer or not, I think we can all agree why speaking out against that particular false narrative is so important.

[redstarwriting]

hobie brown with a pink gf

hobie brown x badass pink!fem!reader hcs

request?: yes

request: “HI RED!!!! idk if you’ve done this already but i really wanna see what hobie would be like with a badass pink!gf. like she wears pink demonias nd stuff but can like hold her own yk? i hope this makes sense LMAO”

requested by: anon

warnings:  language, mentions of stealing, alluding to s*xual harassment from men, cops

a/n: omggg the only person i could think of with this request is chrissy chlapecka wearing her all pink outfits and telling everyone to hit men with their cars LMAO thank you for the request, anon🖤

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- givin me chrissy chlapecka vibes - he loves it - listen - if you have any type of distinct style or attitude going against what most people believe - or one that challenges any type of authority or societal beliefs - Hobie immediately respects you - doesn’t necessarily mean he will be best friends with you - but he respects people who he can see have that kind of rebellious “fuck the patriarchy” attitude - so when he saw you - all pink outfit - pink makeup - pink accessories - pink boots that look like they could kill a man - exactly what you intend with said boots btw - he respected it - especially since you seemed to be taking the stereotypical “girl color” (whatever the fuck that means) and putting a spin on it they wouldn’t like - and girl when he saw you kick some man’s ass - all pretty in pink? - he was like ooh yeah - oh she’s the one - he loves to steal anything and everything pink that he sees - all for you - and he does - this style you have is the definition of him saying “Wear whatever you want, I can fight.” - and in response - you just scoff - “I’ll wear whatever I want, I can fight.” - he loves it - he loves that you’re always ready to stomp someone’s face with your pretty little boots - the amount of time he’s actually had to hold you back is amazing - and he doesn’t hold you back because he thinks you won’t beat the person’s ass - or because he wants you to be the ”better person” or whatever the fuck that is - but because he doesn't want the piggies getting any ideas when it comes to you - he knows you can hold your own - but he can’t help but be a little protective of you - and he just doesn’t trust cops - they’d see you looking all pretty and try something - not on his watch - he’ll take over if there are cops around - but if it’s just a slimy man? - he’ll still be there, ready to step in and kill the guy at any time - but you can handle yourself - so he lets you handle yourself - he loves when you paint his nails for him - he has so many shades of pink nail polish now - and you’ll paint his nails all pink all the time - at first, he was kinda like hmmmmm am i gonna like this? - spoiler - he did - he still paints his nails black all the time but when you ask to put some pink in there he’s all for it - he doesn’t realize his flat is slowly becoming more and more pink as you start to move in - because he doesn’t necessarily care all that much - he really likes the color now - but when Gwen comments on it he’s like… oh yeah - “Hobie? Have you found a new love for the color pink?”   “What?”   “Your place. There’s so much pink in here.”   “Oh… (Y/n) and I are gettin’ serious. She’s been movin’ in. But yeah, I do fancy the color pink, now. What of it?” - he does have a favorite shade of pink that you wear - but he loves when you wear all pink - so he acts like he doesn’t have a favorite - but he’s bad at it - cause the minute you wear a bright obnoxious shade of pink? - he’s gone - he’s simpin - he’s in love - he will compliment you more than he already does - which is a lot - and have his hands all over you - needless to say you’ve incorporated that color into your wardrobe a lot more - he just loves your style - and your attitude - the two of you are the government’s worst enemy honestly - and even though you’re a badass - you don’t need a man or anyone for that matter - you have a soft spot for your anarchic asshole - and sometimes you just like to see him be the badass - cause he sure can be - you’re a “don’t fuck with us” couple - a “fuck around and find out” couple - and the two of you wouldn’t want it any other way <3

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[sortagaysortahigh]

Maneater | Steve Harrington

A/N: besties i was gonna post this sooner but i had to let my drunk fade away, anyways i present to you sub!steve (season four steve to be exact bc he is so fucking MMM MMMM MMMMMMMMM), also had to make the reader a lil punk rock bitch ok

Summary:   “I thought she’d be like mean and shy but not she wasn’t shy at all-she’s like-she’s like a man eater-Definitely an apex predator if I’ve ever seen one. Steve she was looking at you like she wanted to eat you”

Warnings: so much smut but theres plot!, cussing, spelling and grammar errors, kissing, spitting, hand jobs, crying, dirty talk, oral (f and m receiving/giving), P in V sexy time, praising, degrading, marking, biting, sub!steve + dom!reader

Word Count: 9k (way more than i thought there would be like jfc the plot came out the cut, then the smut is like omg ok bitch period)

Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

(JUST LOOK AT HIM OH MY FUCKING GODS DGSDHGHSDGHSDHGHIRDSHIG MY COOCHIE)

Steve Harrington was a lot of things, and as of late a ladies man was not one of them. Sure he could get dates now that he actually listened to the advice that Robin gave him, however he wanted more than just meaningless hookups and dates with girls who could barely hold a conversation. He wanted a relationship, craved the closeness and intimacy of it all, he wanted a best friend and a lover in one, but somehow day by day he lost hope that he’d find that in Hawkins.

That was until he laid eyes on Y/n Y/l/n. He remembered her from highschool-solely because she hung out with Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson and his group of metalhead losers-granted now Steve didn’t consider them losers, after all he did experience a large amount of character growth throughout his senior year of high school. He’d still won prom king though. 

People knew Y/n, not because she was stereotypically popular, but because she was a hot commodity-people wanted her but she let a very select few get that-hell Steve knew exactly zero people who’d managed to get past her mean facade-or get past the layers of black, denim, leather, and eyeliner. 

The girl was attractive-that much was a fact. Guys always talked about wanting to see “if she was as freaky as the shit she’s into”-something that Steve usually brushed off, ignoring them due to his relationship status alongside his social status. He had English with her, and for their Shakespeare analysis project she’d been partnered with Tommy H. The same Tommy H. decided to brag about sleeping with her for two weeks after the project was presented-that was until she’d smashed his front windshield with a baseball bat in the school parking lot during lunch-then he admitted to lying about it-she was suspended for two weeks.

However Steve wanted more than to sleep with her-there was something else to her-something he’d noticed the day she walked into the Family Video with Max Mayfield in tow. While Max said her hellos to Steve and Robin, Y/n looked around the comedy section-a shock to Steve as he expected her to be a Horror kind of girl. That’s when he realized that there was always more than meets the eye.

She worked at the arcade next door to his job, and after cornering Lucas and Dustin he found out that she was rather close to Max, the redhead had gone to the Arcade often-trying to find a distraction while she grieved her brother’s death-and Y/n just happened to be the one on the mid-day shift.

Lucas and Dustin did a horrible job explaining her friendship with Max, however from what they did know she was the only person Max found herself talking to-telling her about the things she was going through-and opening up to. In a way Y/n filled in the role of an older sister for Max, and when she found out some of the Junior and Senior boys at Hawkins were trying to bully Max, while simultaneously bringing up her douchebag brother’s death she did not hesitate to show up to the high school, bat in tow.

Everyone knew Y/n wasn’t afraid of being arrested-she’d been arrested more than once, Hopper letting her off the hook each and every time because the missing Sheriff-supposedly deceased which Y/n did not believe-had a soft spot for her. After all, the girl was just a troubled teen-and she found her way by standing up for herself by any means necessary.

All Y/n had to do was speed into the parking lot, get out of the black Monte Carlo with her bat in hand and make her way towards the convertible full of jocks-some she remembered others she asked Eddie about-and hop on top of the front hood. She pointed the bat at the boys, a smile on her face, black lipstick perfectly applied as she smiled down at them. 

She only said two sentences: “You see that pretty little redhead over there-Max-yeah talk to her again and I’ll personally knock your teeth in” followed by “Nod your empty little heads if you understand me”, then got off the car, knocking the bat into the hood, leaving a sizable dent before blowing them a kiss and walking off. Of course the teenage boys tried to explain what had happened at lunch-however the beauty of it being the Fall of 1985 was that there were no active security cameras monitoring the outside of the buildings and because the boys were all bullies-there were no other witnesses to prove their case.

After it happened Dustin explained the entire scene to Steve, Robin excitedly nodding along while mumbling about how badass Y/n looked, then going on a tangent about how pretty the girl was-all the while Steve found himself thinking more and more about her.

Then a week later he finally saw her in the parking lot, the two pulling into work at the same time. She stepped out of the black car wearing a black The Ramones baggy shirt tucked into a pair of black frayed denim shorts, ripped fishnets on her legs, her voluminous hair framed her face. He watched as she slid her black sunglasses off, eyes adorned with black eyeliner and messy eyeshadow, lips lined with black, colored red. 

From that moment he was Smitten. She was the pretty, mean, punk rock girl that worked behind the Arcade counter and he wanted nothing but her. 

The only problem was that Y/n Y/l/n did not like Steve Harrington. The minute she spotted him staring at her all she did was raise a brow, before telling him to “fuck off pretty boy”. But even then the way she said ‘pretty boy’ made him blush and he thought about it all day.

All of that happened four months ago, it was now January and he was still smitten. He’d see her walking into work, and occasionally when he’d close so would she. He’d see her walk through the front doors of the Arcade, locking it up, and he would wait in his car in the parking lot, looking around, making sure she was safe before she got into her car and sped off. That was also something he’d noticed about her-the girl drove as if she was training for a NASCAR race. 

He’d noticed a lot about her, and anytime she caught him staring to any capacity she’d repeat the same four words “fuck off pretty boy”. Sometimes she’d add more, always something along the lines of “Can I do something for you Harrington?” or “Don’t you have VHS tapes to rewind?” whatever it was-it was always sarcastic-and that had Steve in too deep.

So deep that in fact once he found himself asking Max what kind of flowers he thought Y/n would like while the fifteen year old was in the Family Video, finding a rental for their weekly movie night-to which Max replied with “I don’t know-why don’t you ask her you weirdo”. 

That was the last time he asked Max anything about Y/n. 

Some days he was positive there was something else in the way that Y/n looked at him, a glint in her eye-something floating through her piercing gaze-then suddenly it’d be gone when she’d flash him her middle finger before walking into her job, Arcade vest in hand. 

“Steve, you cannot be serious right now! You want to ask Y/n out? Y/n Y/l/n? She wants nothing to do with you! No offense dude but I don’t think you’re her type” he scoffed at Robin's words, taking his eyes off the road for a second to glance at his best friend, mouth agape and brows furrowed in shock.

“You really think that lowly of me?” Robin laughed, nodding her head “She’s like this totally cool, hot, punk rock chick and you’re a guy who probably owns more hairspray than does! You two are like polar opposites, you were prom king and she smashed car windows with a baseball bat!” he scoffed again, shaking his head a few times while he focused on the road ahead, turning the steering wheel as he pulled into the parking lot in front of their job.

“Oh come on! You really don’t think I have a chance?” Robin tilted her head, brows knit in concentration while she pursed her lips inward before nodding her head a few times “I’d say you have a .0001% chance with her” just as Steve was about to respond, he noticed Y/n’s car speed into the parking lot which was definitely more packed than usual. 

Then she pulled into the spot next to his, her window tint not dark enough to disguise the way that she grabbed her Arcade uniform vest-screaming into it-then closing her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Steve’s lips were parted as he watched her-mesmerized by the simplest of actions-granted he’d never really seen much out of her past her being mean, cussing him out, and the few soft moments she had when she was with Max, the two laughing in an aisle of the video rental store.

He was dazed-so much that when she turned her head to open her door she caught his stare, immediately giving him a dirty look as she rolled her eyes, then her gaze flickered to Robin who was now looking at her as well, so she flashed the girl a closed mouth smile, then she gathered her things and got out of her car, shutting the door and locking it before making her way towards the front door of her dreaded job.

Before Robin could make any comments Steve practically jumped out of the car, calling Y/n’s name as he sped walk towards her-by the time he shouted her name a second time and she stopped in her tracks to turn and face him he was only a few feet away from him. 

He’d taken a few moments to trail his eyes along her moving figure while she walked, today she had on a pair of black thin stockings-the tops of them slightly showing, accompanied by a black leather miniskirt-something he questioned due to the forty degree weather outside, but he guessed her black knit sweater and oversized leather blazer were evening out her body temperature.

When she turned to face him he practically lost his train of thought-eyes focused on hers while she stared at him, the thick black eyeliner and shadow around her eyes only accentuated them-an expectant look on her face while she slightly shook her head, a brow raised. 

“Pretty boy I don’t have all day. Speak-I’m waiting” the slight dominance in her tone was bringing heat through Steve’s body-his cheeks flushing slightly as he nodded his head a few times with his lips parted as if he was about to speak but he couldn’t get the words out.

After a few more seconds of looking like a lost puppy he finally blinked, nodding his head “Yeah uh-hey-so I was wondering if you were free-uh maybe tonight? After your shift” she blinked a few times, furrowing her brows before smirking at him. “Are you asking me on a date, pretty boy?” 

There it was again, the underlying dominance-something he wasn’t used to-something that had his mind melting. She was confident as she spoke, the smirk on her face made him want to get on his knees and worship her, not to mention the way that she shifted her weight to one foot, one hand holding her black leather bag and uniform vest, the other near her face-one finger resting against her bottom lip as she lightly brought the black acrylic nail between her teeth as she smiled.

But the glint in her eye was evident. 

“Uh-uh yeah-yeah I am” she nodded her head “and where do you plan on taking me hmm?” her tone was almost degrading, it made his already melting mind feel fuzzy while she spoke to him. “Any-Anywhere you wanna uh-go” she moved her nail from between her teeth, now puckering her lips slightly, finger tapping against them while she mimicked a thinking expression.

“Seeing as I close the rest of this week-and based on the fact that you and her are just getting here-you do too-nothing’s open after we leave work Pretty boy. So where’s that leave us?” Steve so desperately wanted to say ‘your place or mine’ but he knew that she’d just scoff and walk away, that was the only thought he had, he had no other real answer so when he turned into a stuttering blubbering mess she smiled before shushing him.

“I can think of a place-or two you could take me-but what do you wanna do huh?” At this point she stepped closer to him, the same confidence in her voice and she sounded so sultry-Steve couldn’t tell if it was because he was a blushing dizzy mess, or if this was actually happening.

Before he could respond she simply patted him on the chest twice-then she gripped his denim jacket-tugging him a little closer “Cat got your tongue Pretty Boy?” with that she let go, turning around and walking off-the cocky smile now on her face.

Robin got out of the car, wide eyed, jaw dropped, mouth gaping like a fish out of water while she stared at Steve who was still staring in Y/n’s direction, his hand now on his chest where hers was while he processed everything that just happened.

“Are you serious?! She’s so into you? How is she into you?! Steve C’mon” with that Robin quickly grabbed the keys from the car, locking her door then running to the drivers side and locking it before running towards Steve-grabbing his sleeve and pulling him with her into the Family Video where their co-worker Ryan was already clocking out-the older man not saying a single word to the two as they got behind the counter.

Steve was still stunned at everything while Robin smacked his arm excitedly.

“I don’t know how you did it Steve-but she’s so into you! I mean did you see the way she was looking at you! She was laying it on thick” Robin rambled while she took their time sheets, clocking the two of them in “I thought she’d be like mean and shy but not she wasn’t shy at all-she’s like-she’s like a man eater-Definitely an apex predator if I’ve ever seen one. Steve she was looking at you like she wanted to eat you” he blinked a few times, processing Robin's words.

However his mind was still fuzzy, and his filter was long gone by the time the words left his lips “I wanna eat her out” Robin gagged slightly, a look of horror on her face now “TMI Harrington! TMI!” 

In the building next door Y/n sat in the worn red stool behind the counter, chewing gum while she thought about Steve. Sure she knew Steve in high school-he was a douchebag, he was mister popular, the star of the show, prom king himself. She hated his friends, especially Tommy-God she was so glad that she’d smashed his windshield in. But she always knew Steve was different-he wasn’t as much of a prick, he wanted to be popular, wanted to fit in, so he stuck to those that were popular.

Then something changed their senior year-after he’d broken up with Nancy Wheeler-he wasn’t the same, hell he changed for the better. That wasn’t enough for Y/n to want to associate with him though, she liked her friends, she liked Eddie, Gareth, Jeff, and the rest of the Hellfire club-hell she designed their shirts. 

But now things had changed, they were out of school, still living in their hometown, working next door to one another, and she had to admit, his continuous pinning was cute. The way he’d stare at her, the way he would stay late to make sure she got in her car safe, and the way that he’d always have a deep red blush on his cheeks anytime she called him Pretty Boy-that blush made her mind wander, she wanted to see him blushing, see his chest rapidly rising and falling, see him flustered, a stuttering flushed mess-that’s how she wanted to see him.

That’s what she wanted to do to him. However she was never a fan of making the first move-mainly because people never really caught her eye. She wasn’t a virgin-that was a fact-but she wasn’t someone who enjoyed casual hookups often, she liked relationships, some days she missed having a partner-but other days she simply rolled her eyes and went about her day because relationships meant commitment and they also meant heartbreak. 

Steve Harrington made her question that, he was a change of pace, she’d only had a few actual conversations with him, most of the time telling him to fuck off for staring too hard-but secretly under her hard exterior she loved the way he stared at her, and the way he payed attention to her. The way his eyes would rake across her figure, not in a ‘I wanna fuck you’ kind of way but more in a ‘you’re so beautiful’ kind of way. She knew how to differentiate the two because of Steve-he was the only one who showed her the ladder.

She’d been waiting months for him to make a move, she was patient, and honestly she didn’t care-she wasn’t interested in anyone else nor did she feel the need to rush anything. She was content with her sex life and romantic life, of course being content didn’t mean she’d decline Steve Harrington’s head between her thighs.

Y/n spent her entire shift rolling her eyes at teenagers and kids, reluctantly helping them and acting as if she was doing something on the large computer at the front desk-rather she was just playing pong. She hadn’t spoken to many of her co-workers today, most of them walking around the arcade and working in the storage room, so her day was pretty simple and very boring. Her mind constantly floating back to the possibility of Steve actually making a move tonight.

Then it was time for her to close, everyone was already leaving while she finished sweeping, then she wiped the counters down and washed her hands, thankful one of her co-workers cleaned the bathrooms already. Finally she grabbed her things, and left through the front doors, locking them up-glancing to her left to see Steve standing there, leaning against the Family Video windows with his hands in his pockets-to most he would look relaxed and maybe even cool-but Y/n immediately noticed the way his chest was falling a little too fast.

He was nervous, and that lit a fire inside of her.

“So did you figure it out, Pretty Boy?” Steve practically jumped at the sound of her voice, he was too busy hyping himself up to notice Y/n locking up a few feet from her-and now he was embarrassed as she spoke to him. He expected her to stop a few feet away, but no, she walked until she was inches away from him, now slightly looking up at him, a smirk on her face while they held eye contact, one of her fingers gliding along the length of his denim jacket.

“I’m waiting for an answer” her degrading tone was back and it only made Steve blush even more, he bit his lip, eyes dropping from hers to her red lips, all the while his lips were slightly parted. 

Steve Harrington had never in his life been this flustered. He usually did this to other people-he wasn’t used to the change of pace and yet he was melting under her touch. She moved her fingers, now gliding along the white sweater he wore below the jacket-he felt her apply a little more pressure-just enough to make her touch known. She was teasing him, luring him into her trap-and he was falling head first.

“Yours or mine?” was all he managed, he tried saying it with confidence but her gaze shot right through his facade, eyes still focused on her lips, now they were upturned in a wicked smile. She leaned closer to him, lips right next to his ear as she whispered “make sure you can keep up, Pretty Boy” with that she placed a gentle kiss right below his ear-and due to her close proximity she didn’t miss the small whimper that slipped past his lips.

She quickly moved, shooting him a wink while walking to her car, easily unlocking it and getting in-the sound of the car roaring to life was what reminded him that he had to follow her-so he ran to his car, nearly tripping on the way-then he got in and the second he was inside, she was pulling off. 

To say that it felt like a game of cat and mouse was crazy-especially because Steve felt like a mouse chasing the cat. Hell he had no idea where she was taking him and for all he knew she might just be ritually sacrificing him under the moonlight. 

But his doubts were gone by the time he pulled into a driveway behind her, the house was in the same neighborhood as Dustin’s place, she only lived four houses down-it surprised him that he never noticed. He was always here dropping him off and picking him up, and Y/n’s Monte Carlo was hard to miss, maybe he’d just been too wrapped up in his ‘adopted’ little brother to see it.

He shook his head while hyping himself up again, now was not a time to think of Dustin, he was about to hook up with Y/n Y/l/n-the girl of his dreams-literally he’d had more than one dream about her. However none of them had her as dominant as she seemed, they usually involved him holding her hands above her head, while he was above her. Occasionally she’d be riding him, other times he just dreamt of the sweet sweet sounds she would make while he laid between her thighs, her hands tugging at his hair.

The second she knocked on his car door window he blinked a few times, turning the car off before opening the door-she was thankful she stepped out of the way, this wasn’t the Steve Harrington she’d heard so much about-he was smooth and in charge-this Steve was awkward, nervous, and somehow kept tripping over his own feet.

He cleared his throat while she looked at him, a small smile on her face, and a devious look in her eye.

“Don’t worry Harrington, I’ll take good care of you” with that she grabbed his hand, and his heartbeat immediately quickened-hell it felt like it would beat out of his chest as he followed behind her. He watched as she unlocked the door with one hand, kicking it open as she twisted the knob, then they were inside.

For some reason he never thought of Y/n’s house-or of the fact that she probably lived with her family, he always just thought of her so when he followed behind her in the house he was somewhat taken aback. The warm hues of color throughout the furniture, the plants delicately placed and taken care of, alongside the framed photos-including Y/n’s graduation photos side by side with her kindergarten graduation photos. 

He didn’t have much time to admire the house, instead she was guiding him upstairs, and he couldn’t help but focus his eyes on her ass, her skirt slightly sliding up as she walked-the material hugging her curves perfectly. It was driving him crazy.

Then she stopped in front of what he assumed to be her bedroom door, dropping his hand-now turning to face him. He was already flustered-she thought it was so cute-the way he stared at her while he blushed, unable to hold eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time.

“Tell me Pretty Boy, are you gonna let me take care of you tonight?” His mind was now a jumbled mess of Y/n, he didn’t have one coherent thought outside of her, so instead of responding and babbling, he simply nodded his head-lips apart while he stared at her. “Do me a favor-” as she spoke she trailed a finger along his jawline “-use your words”

“Y-yes” she raised a single brow “yes to what?” “I’ll let y-you t-take care of m-me” his stuttering made her smirk, with that she opened her door, easily pulling him inside-her strength somewhat surprised him but his gaze caught hold of her room, something he definitely didn’t expect. Much like the rest of the house it was decorated in warm tones, not a single black item anywhere-outside of the leather jacket placed on her desk chair, she had plants hanging near the large bay window, brightly colored pillows along it, the girl had stacks of books, she had dice sets on her desk, a singular small lamp on letting a dim red orange hue spread throughout the space, and a few paintings leaning against the wall next to her large mirror.

“Surprised? It’s called duality” she spoke as she watched his eyes scan the room, her voice snapping him back to her gaze, she looked at him expectantly, before cracking a smile. 

“How long have you wanted me, Harrington?” he bit his bottom lip for a second “too long to tell” she nodded her head “aw, we’re gonna have fun huh? I wanna see you red and begging” his eyes widened at her words, her sweet tone a direct contrast in comparison to her words.

His lips parted now while he nodded his head, brows slightly raised, unable to say anything-watching as she took her blazer off, tossing it towards her closet-then her hands were back on his chest-both of them gliding along his jacket while she held eye contact with him. She slowly slid her hands under the denim, pushing it back until he finally took it off, throwing it elsewhere-too focused on her to care where his clothes ended up. 

“Are you gonna be good for me?” he nodded his head “y-yes, an-anything” she smirked at that “All it takes is one little touch to get you dumb huh?” she spoke as she tugged at the hem of his sweater before sliding one hand under it, her cold fingertips against his warm abdomen, fingers tracing the toned muscles. 

Steve's mind was a haze and she’d barely touched him, he would never live this down-even if it was just coming from himself. 

“Take it off” she didn’t have to ask twice, it only took a few seconds for Steve to pull the Sweater over his head, revealing his toned chest, she smirked at the patches of hair along his chest, and the evident happy trail he sported “uh-I-sorry for the hair if it’s not your thing-” before he could continue rambling on Y/n shushed him. 

“You’re so pretty Steve” she spoke as she glided a finger along his happy trail, resting it against the waistband of his hands, tugging on it slightly before hooking her finger onto it-all while she held eye contact with him.

He felt as if he was about to combust, his skin on fire while she looked at him as if she wanted to devour him. Her gaze had him holding back a whimper-and when she pushed him back against her bed he didn’t expect it-knees buckling over the edge of her frame as he fell flat onto the mattress. In the moment he was embarrassed-but then he watched as she easily pulled off her top, tossing it on the ground, a black lace bra holding her chest ever so perfectly.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost” her words were teasing as she straddled his lap, the evident bulge straining against his pants while she looked down at him, both hands now on his waist, thumbs slightly grazing his skin-back and forth.

His body was on fire-it had to have been on fire-she had to have tossed a match on the bed before pushing him into it. His mind was melting away as he tried to figure out how her subtle touches were sending him higher and higher up the ladder of sexual frustration. He was so turned on it hurt, and seeing her, looking down at him with the faux innocent look in her eyes as she sat on his lap-sat against him-it was enough to have him start begging.

“Tell me what you want Pretty Boy, tell me what you think about when you can’t take your eyes off me” his lips parted as she leaned lower, supporting herself on top of him, her face now less than a foot away from his. “I wanna hear it, I wanna know what you’re thinking about, what you wanna do to me” he swallowed hard, breath picking up slightly

“Y-you, fuck all of you, wanna kiss you and hold you, sh-shit” his words left his lips without a single thought, all rushed out and jumbled. She bit her bottom lip, a smile on her face now as she moved her hands off his waist, now placing one next to his head on the bed-she was in charge and he knew that. 

“Yeah? You wanna make me feel good? Wanna feel me cumming around you?” he nodded his head, lost in her-it was like she was sending his senses into overdrive. “You think you deserve that? You think you deserve to touch me?” her degrading tone made him whimper while he nodded, she was quick to lean over, talking directly into his ear “I want you to beg for it, tell me how much you want me” with that she started peppering kisses along his neck, red lipstick stains on his skin before she started licking and sucking at his warm skin-sure to leave marks behind.

He couldn’t hold in the moan that slipped past his lips the second he felt her lightly bite against his skin-his hands now finding her waist-but when she stopped kissing him-he immediately moved his hands-somehow knowing what she was expecting. “C’mon Pretty Boy-let me take care of you” he let out another low moan at her words, her kisses now against his collar bone as she worked on leaving another mark against his tanned skin.

“Fuck-want you so bad, need you, God I need you so bad, I’ll do anything-please” she smirked, now moving back, her lipstick smudged while she looked at him, then she pressed her lips against his, it didn’t take long for him to kiss her back-one of her hands now on the side of his face as she deepend the kiss, sliding her tongue against his soft lips-slipping past them as he let her in. 

She started moving her hips against his, he moaned into the kiss feeling her move-the friction giving him some sense of relief. The kiss only getting more heated the longer their lips stayed together, Steve poured everything he had into the kiss-all of his want-his desire-his everything, and she gladly took it.

When she moved apart she let out a whimper against his parted lips “do you wanna touch me? Wanna make me feel good?” he nodded his head “fuck please-please let me touch you” she smirked, nodding her head, his hands immediately on her exposed waist, then she winked before getting off of him-easily pulling at his arms-directing him to hold himself above her-and the second he did she was kissing him again, her hands now tugging at his belt loops-pulling his hips closers to hers while she parted her legs. 

He was in heaven-this was it-he was in actual heaven. 

She tugged on his hair-the feeling making him groan-then she did it again, a little harder this time-getting him to move back-but his blood was flowing south. He panted while he sat above her-in this moment he knew she was in charge-regardless of the position-regardless of how he was fucking her-she was in charge.

Her hand was still in his hair as she spoke “Use your mouth Pretty Boy” that’s all she had to say, his lips now against her neck, kissing down her body, he cupped one of her tits, groaning at the sound of the high pitched moan she let out, then he slid the bra down-he didn’t bother taking it off of her-rather letting the straps fall as the cups now leaned against her stomach, tits out, nipples hardening at the cold air against them. It wasn’t long until his hands were back on them, one hand cupped her left breast, fingers tugging at her hardened peak making her moan, then he peppered kisses along the right one, his tongue finding her other peak, lapping at it before lightly sucking against it before bringing it between his teeth-tugging at him-earning a louder moan from her.

Her hands were back in his hair as she tugged at the soft brown locks, moaning as he switched his position, making sure to pay attention to every single part of her. He had to make her feel good, that’s all he wanted to do, so he continued kissing down her stomach, eyes meeting hers as he reached the top of her miniskirt. She smirked “hike it up, I want your mouth, want you to be good for me, you wanna taste me?” he bit his bottom lip, nodding his head as he moved his hands to her thighs-easily hiking the skirt up, moaning at the sight of her black thin lacey panties-they left little to imagination.

He was quick to spread her thighs more, laying between them as he licked and sucked marks into the skin of her left thigh before placing it over his shoulder. The sight of him between her legs had y/n biting her lip again, one hand in his hair, tugging at it, the other holding onto her tit, squeezing it, toying with her nipple while she watched him.

“Please-can I taste you-fuck need to taste you on my tongue” she smirked “such a desperate little slut huh? Been waiting months for this-just imagining what I taste like-tell me Pretty Boy-do you think of me at night? When it’s just you?” he nodded his head, looking up at her, lips parted, heavy breaths.

“Yes-fuck-yes, always you, everything about you-please” “then show me” he didn’t hesitate to lick a stripe up her clothed slit, the motion making her whimper, then he slid two fingers along her damp panties, easily pulling them to the side, exposing her to him-and he couldn’t stop the gutteral moan he let out at the sight of her glistening cunt. 

“So pretty like that, between my thighs, begging to tongue fuck me” he groaned, nodding his head before licking another stripe up her cunt, then he lapped at it, moaning at the way she tasted against his tongue before focusing on her bud, he rapidly flicked his tongue against her clit, groaning against her at the feeling of her tugging his hair. Her back arched off the bed while she moaned-loving the feeling of his mouth against her.

She bit her lip, grinding her hips closer to his face, moaning. “Just like that-so so good” her praises made him moan, he slid two fingers between her thighs-his other hand gripping her left thigh, holding it close-practically pinning her in place while he harshly sucked at her clit-her moans only motivating him to keep going. Then she felt him slide two fingers right into her entrance, her moans louder now while he curled them into her-over and over again. 

He needed to make her cum, needed to taste her, needed to make her feel good. 

“You feel so good, oh my god, right there Pretty Boy-fuck make me cum like a good fucking slut” Steve moaned again, her degrading words mixed with praises only sending heat throughout his body as he grinded his hips against her bed-needing some relief while he chased her high-then he felt it-felt the way she tightened around his fingers and tugged at his hair.

She was cumming, her toes curling and back arching even harder while praises slipped past her lips, soaking his lips and chin in her nectar. He moaned while she came, lapping up as much as he possibly could-wanting to keep going-but he knew not to-knew to listen to her.

He slid his fingers out of her, bringing them to his lips, moaning as he sucked every last drop off off of them. She watched him with a smirk on her face.

“C’mere” with that he got up, leaning over her-and she pulled him into another heated sloppy kiss-this time her hands working at his pants, unbuttoning them, followed by his zipper, then she slid her hand inside of his briefs making him moan against her lips. She started to palm him while they kissed, each time her hand lightly squeezed the base of his cock he’d lose rhythm in the kiss.

Y/n thought it was cute, the way he couldn’t even focus on kissing her back while she toyed with his constrained cock. When she pulled away from the kiss she kept palming him.

“Please-” she tilted her head slightly “please what?” “Please-fuck please need you-need you to stop teasing” she pouted for a second “but you look so pretty like this, you’re so red, and your eyes are barely open-I’ve barely touched you and you’re already fucked dumb” he moaned at her words, nodding his head.

She shoved him, rolling so she was now on top of him, and she straddled a little lower than his waist, easily sliding his hard, thick, cock out of it’s confinements, she bit her lip while gazing at it. His veins were so prominent, it curved slightly to the left, and the tip was swollen, red, and dripping pre cum. 

“The tip of your cock is the same color as your cheeks-nice and rosy-just for me” she spoke in a degrading tone as she placed a singular hand on the length of his cock, slightly tightening her grip as she slowly slid it up and down his length-she then paused-gliding her thumb across the tip, swiping it against the slit-spreading all of his precum around then she leaned over and spit on it-making his cock a wet sticky mess-all while he moaned and whined under her.

“Please-fuck please y/n-please” she raised a brow “tell me what you want-you want me to fuck you like the whore you are? You want your cock down the back of my throat-you wanna watch me gag on it? Make you cum over and over again until you cant even think straight?” he nodded his head rapidly at her words, vision hazy while he watched her above him-she was like an angel-but angels didn’t do things as sinful as this.

As she spoke her hand’s pace picked up, squeezing him tighter while she pumped his dick, holding eye contact with him-only going faster and faster-while he moaned and whimpered-his hands gripping her sheets. “Such a pretty fuck toy” he felt himself getting closer and closer-and based on the way he twitched in her hands-she knew it too.

“You gonna give me the first one? I want you to cum for me my sweet, sweet boy, cum all over my hand” he nodded his head, chest rising and falling, feeling himself closer and closer to the edge-then she leaned over him, now pumping his cock at a different angle while licking and sucking at the other side of his neck-making sure to leave more marks.

He moaned, his head thrown back slightly as he gripped the sheets “you wanna touch me? Wanna let me know how much you like me fucking you?” he moaned at her words, she was near his ear, low words sending vibrations down his spine-leading him to letting out a loud moan “you can touch me baby, hold me while you cum for me” he nodded his head, his hands on her hips now-fingers digging into her skin as his vision greyed over-feeling his orgasm flow through his entire body.

She smirked, feeling his cum land on her stomach and his, then she sat up, still smirking while he struggled to catch his breath-but she was nowhere near done. She leaned over, tongue tracing the ropes of cum on his stomach, all the while she looked up at him.

Then she moved on to her hand, licking his cum off of her fingers “you made such a mess-can’t let it go to waste, you did so good for me-but now you’re gonna do even better” he simply nodded, biting his lip while he stared at her through hooded eyes-never in his life had he experienced the amount of pleasure that was surging through his body.

She moved further down, kneeling on the bed while she looked at him “lean against the headboard” he nodded, doing as told, chest rising and falling rapidly while he watched her lie between his legs, he winced and whimpered as she grabbed his sensitive cock, not wasting a second before placing the tip into her mouth, lapping at it-sucking on it-and sending him into a pool of overstimulation-hands gripping the sheets while he felt dizzy. He’d never came more than once during a hookup-everything about this was new to him-and he was going insane. 

She pulled back “you gonna give me another one? Cum down my throat? Be a good boy for me?” he nodded “use your words” “gonna be good-gonna be so fucking good” he was whining, whimpering as her mouth was back on him-his cock slowly growing harder in her mouth as she sucked on him, toying with his length, using one hand to pump him while she bobbed her head along him-all while holding eye contact with him.

She moved away to spit on his cock again-except she used the tip to smear her spit along her lips, Steve placing his hands over his face after seeing that-letting out loud uncontrollable moans. She wanted him desperate-and that was exactly what she was getting. 

It didn’t take long for him to have to cum, his eyes watering from the pleasure while he gripped the sheets, constantly shifting in place-trying to stay as still as possible before she stopped all together.

“Please fuck-please can I cum-please-fuck can’t-cacn’t hold it” she smirked, taking him out of her mouth, still pumping the length of his cock while looking up at him-the string of saliva connecting his tip to her lip was driving him insane. 

“You look so good when you cum-so flustered-so fucking pretty” he moaned “gonna cum all over my tongue for me? Be a spoiled little slut for me?” he nodded his head, watching as she stuck her tongue out, tapping his cock against it a few times-the sight sent him into overdrive as he shot ropes of cum along her tongue-one landing on her cheek slightly. She swallowed it all gliding her index finger along her cheek before smirking. 

She sat up, smearing her finger across his bottom lip-before sliding it into her mouth-watching as he sucked on it “look so good like this-so fucked out-haven’t even been inside me yet” she leaned closer to him, taking her finger out of his mouth, sliding it along his lips and chin.

“Haven’t even felt how wet, warm, and tight I am-just for you to fill-to stretch-want my pretty boy to cum inside, wanna see how you look while I fuck you hard” he moaned at her words, nodding his head, whimper, lost in his world of her and overstimulation.

She grasped his cock again, pumping it over and over, slowly with a tight grip as she peppered kisses along his jaw-she moved to straddle him again-making it easier to kiss his skin. He looked like a fucked out slutty mess, hair in every direction, lips slightly parted and swollen, eyes hooded, skin flushed and covered in lipstick kisses and bruises and she loved every second of it.

“You gonna give me another one?” he nodded his head, unable to speak-words all jumbled in his head “good-cause I wanna feel you” he moaned at her words which made her mock him “such a cum drunk slut huh? Never been fucked like this huh? Never had someone use you pretty boy?” he shook his head-moaning as her grip tightened. 

She smirked at his hard cock in her hand-he was so easy and she knew it was only for her. 

She moved against him, sliding the tip of his cock along her dripping slit, he bit his lip so hard he thought it would start bleeding “u-use me” she smirked at his words “I already have been” it hadn’t occurred to him exactly how much pleasure she got from this-from watching him squirm and moan under her-watching the way she affected him. 

“Look at me while I fuck you, wanna see those big brown eyes” he nodded his head, now gazing at her-eyes hooded while he tried not to shut them-tried to stay focused on her as she lined him up with her sopping entrance-sliding right down his cock-inch by inch.

She didn’t bother holding back a single moan, her head thrown back slightly while she felt him stretch her out and fill her until he finally bottomed out-their thighs touching again while she moaned.

“So big-feels so good-fuck I’m so full-can’t get enough of this cock-can’t get enough of you” he nodded his head, his loud moans never stopping as she started grinding herself against him before bouncing on his cock, up and down-then deciding to slide up his cock until only the tip was inside of her before slamming down onto him-the pleasure making his eyes start watering again.

She set her rhythm-fucking him as hard as she could-finally looking at him, her hands on his shoulders-using them for support as she continued bouncing on his thick cock, moaning his name alongside praises about how good he felt in her.

“Oh God Y/n-fuck-I can’t hold it-fuck so close” she bit her lip, her gaze had been held between their bodies, watching as he disappeared inside of her cunt, cock coated in her slick while she fucked him. Then she looked up, practically moaning at the sight of the tears running down his face while he threw his head back, biting down on his bottom lip while he tried not to cum.

“Look at you-” she moved on hand-grabbing his chin-forcing him to look at her “a crying stupid mess-hold it for me-or I’ll tie you up and make you cum all fucking night” her words had a slightly slur to them as she bounced on his cock, listening to him fall deeper and deeper into his world of pleasure. 

He didn’t expect for her to lean forward, tongue against his jawline-licking the tears that rested there before sucking a mark into his skin-the feelings making his vision blur and all he heard was static-he was so lost in her that he felt like he couldn’t find his way out.

Then she let out a loud whimper-leaning her head against his shoulder while gripping his skin. 

“Gonna cum-want you to cum for me-pretty boy I wanna feel you cum inside me” he moaned at her words, nodding his head-hands now gripping her waist-guiding her movements while he fell apart-the feeling of him filling her made her moan his name, eyes rolled back slightly as she quickly followed suit.

After the both of them caught their breath she slid off of him, walking-rather slowly at that-to the bathroom. When she came back Steve was trying to get dressed, eyes still hooded while he tried to balance himself-the sight made Y/n laugh, a smirk on her face.

“Really fucked you stupid huh?” he gazed at her, now blinking as he noticed the oversized t-shirt covering her figure, he watched as she trailed her eyes along him-smirking at his disheveled state. 

‘Do yourself a favor Pretty Boy and stay the night-you’re too fucked out to be driving anywhere-you look like you can barely see” he sat down on her bed-running a hand through his messy hair while shaking his head “because I can barely see” his voice was strained-so she tossed the waterbottle on her desk his way-it landed on the bed next to him and he gladly opened it and drank most of it. 

“Do you do that to all of the guys you’re into” she laughed at his joke, glancing over-watching as he took off his jeans completely before laying back onto her bed-staring at the ceiling. His thoughts were all on her-on the way she had him in tears less than fifteen minutes ago to the way she was now taking her smeared makeup off.

“Only the ones that end up being my boyfriend” his eyes widened at that, immediately sitting up while staring at her. She simply shrugged her shoulders, eyes now focused on the small mirror sat on her desk as she continued wiping away her makeup.

“Y-y-your boy-boyfriend?” she rolled her eyes, tossing the cotton pads into the trash can under the desk before glancing at him again, her hands now on her hips while she gave him an ‘are you serious’ expression, head slightly craned forward-brows knit together while she stared.

“I mean that’s c-cool, I didn’t know you were like-into that? I guess? I just thought-” she nodded slowly at his rambling, he ran his hands through his hair a few times while he tried to figure out what to say next-and truthfully his brain was still a pile of mush-recovering from the three orgasms and mind blowing sex.

“Into what? Having a boyfriend-or you being my boyfriend? Is the thought of me wanting to be in a relationship really what's shocking you the most Harrington-as if you haven’t stalked me for the past four months” his jaw dropped at her words-she wanted him to be her boyfriend-his mind now solely focused on that. He’d been into her for what felt like forever-and even after everyone told her that she’d never want him-she was here-telling him that she wanted him to be her boyfriend.

“No-no! No not at all! It’s just I didn’t really-uh think I was your type is all” she scoffed “I took you to my house and fucked you until you literally cried. I think it’s established that you’re my type”

He nodded slowly “but you’re all-like punk rock and like into metal and you wear leather and black, and you hated me in high school and you’re friends with Munson, and you’re-well you-uh-” she nodded her head slowly, brows raised, holding in a bubble of air in her cheeks while his words started to melt together as he tried to save his ass.

“Steve do you or do you not want to go on a date with me-If you don’t want to eventually probably end up being my boyfriend that’s cool-just say no. You’re being weird and I’m about to make you sleep in your car outside” 

His eyes widened at that, the red flush back on his face, and now as she sat in her bed, only in his boxers, she noticed the way the blush traveled through his neck and onto his chest as well. He was covered in marks, the lipstick stains and hickies making Y/n smirk-proud of her work.

“No-wait no that’s not what I mean! Y-yes-yeah-of course-yeah” she nodded, walking towards him until she stood between his legs, she then pulled him into a soft kiss, one hand toying with the hairs at the base of his neck, the other gently caressing his jawline. He was quick to kiss her back, his hands on her waist while their lips moved in sync.

Then she pulled away, resting her forehead against his “stop being such a weirdo Steve-I like you-clearly-now shut it” 

-

The next day the two of them woke up late, both of their shifts scheduled to start at two in the afternoon and the clock read one fifteen, Y/n was quick to shake Steve awake, telling him they had to go to work-and once he noticed the clock he practically shot out of her bed, rushing to put last night’s clothes on while Y/n pulled a new outfit out of her wardrobe-changing without a second thought.

The sight of her pulling on her clothes-stepping into her panties-had Steve’s jaw dropped while he stared-only to be met with “fix your hair-you look like you just got laid” when she turned around, facing him in just her bra and panties. She then pulled on a pair of black jeans, accompanied by her hellfire club t-shirt, and the faux fur lined leather jacket she kept for colder days. 

She pulled Steve behind her to the bathroom across the hall, grabbing him a toothbrush and shoving it in his direction-the two of them still rushing-to the point that Steve hadn’t realized he still had lipstick stained kiss marks along his neck-plus the few hickies that were visible above his neckline.

What shocked Steve the most was Y/n tossing his keys at him, telling him that he was driving today.

So when he pulled into the strip parking lot just as Y/n finished applying her black lip liner and red lipstick combination-Robin opened the front door of the Family Video-fully prepared to curse him out, however when she noticed Y/n sitting in the passenger seat of his car her jaw dropped. She then noticed the way that Y/n grabbed Steve by the collar of his jacket, pulling him into a kiss before shoving him away and getting out of the car.

“See ya later Pretty Boy.”

Y/n simply waved at Robin, she then made her way towards the entrance to the Arcade, a smirk on her face the entire time.

Steve however got out of the car with a dopey smile on his face, glancing in the direction of his future girlfriend while locking the doors. 

When he finally headed in Robin’s direction the look of pure shock was hard to miss-so much in fact that all Steve did was shrug-the smile still on his face. Then as the two got inside and stood behind the counter-Robin practically screamed.

“Holy shit! Your neck! Wait are you wearing yesterday’s clothes-oh my god you are-oh my god you two had sex-oh my god you drove her here? You stayed the night? Holy shit-these are like purple-she’s like a damn vampire!” Robin spoke while she poked and prodded at Steve’s neck-his eyes widening as he looked around for any reflective surface-when he came up short he walked to the back room-then into the employee restroom-eyes widening at the lipstick kiss stains on his neck accompanied by hickies.

Usually he’d be mad that a girl left marks on him-however in Y/n’s case it only made him smile, the familiar blush on his face-he was head over heels and now he finally had a date with her.

-

Taglist: @anxietyandtacos @dmonchld (my slutty friends)

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