#but a lot of her role was like. being shitty to finn. and that sucked!! she couldve been so good and she wasnt

[dashiellqvverty]

okay last thing. maybe. but its so fucking wild how much the direction of the sequel trilogy was dictated by like. the studio catering to the whims of the most vocal and obnoxious sect of the fanbase. like people thought tfa was too similar to previous films and just nostalgia-bait or whatever so disney/lucasfilm brought in a new guy to do the next one. and then those same people hated THAT one even more and missed the nostalgia-bait so they tried to bring on a NEW guy but then they booted that guy and just went back to the first guy!!!! like idk if jj abrams having a plan at the beginning of the trilogy wouldve solved this because maybe they still wouldve scrapped it but im just like. this is not how you make movies. like goddamn people hated the prequels but they still let george lucas make them!!

[tuiyla]

I honestly never got the xander hate. His bad moments was his insecure little boy moments shining through ( which made sense he was abused by his parents) compared to others crimes it was minimal. Same with them hating him during mutiny scene the guy was traumatised! He’s a normal human that Giles never bothered to train he’s not a soldier it was amazing he didn’t go insane tbh ( not downplaying others having trauma but xander was meant to be the most normal/ human one so realistically he could of gone of deep end and i think if he didn’t love the group he would of spiralled hard probably turn to alchol like his parents)

To be fair, I do think there are moments to dislike Xander for. 3x02 comes to mind, 2x22, and the general way in which he antagonized Angel purely because of Buffy's love for him and how entitled to Bufyf he acted for much of the early seasons. It's fine that he had a crush on her but Xander was SUCH a baby about it and his toxic masculinity reared its ugly head. The problem with writing realistic teen boys is that teen boys happen to be the worst, sometimes, as was Xander's attitude about Buffy some of the time. Like dude take a hint and get over it, you're not the first person in history to have an unrequited crush. Insecurity and his upbringing only works as an excuse up to a point, and I don't agree with trying to compare his actions to others' mistakes because it's not about that. Sure, there were literal demons on this show and even the good guys did messed up stuff but that shouldn't negate Xander's occasional jerkass behaviour. Especially because he represents human normality and should therefore be held to that standard, not mystical war crimes.

That said, I overall agree with you. Xander's had more redeeming moments than he did annoying or outright bad ones. To a point, I can understand where the hate against him comes from, I really can. He can be a frustrating character to try and root for and a lot of his stuff not only didn't age well but also wasn't even appropriate for an ostensibly feminist show of the late 90s. Nor do I think he always earned his role as the team's heart. But! Xander is far more layered than his worst moments and even I, infamous Finn Hudson hater think we should cut him some slack and not be too harsh on the ch for the sake of it. I really do feel like a lot of the Xander hate is for the sake of it and actively trying to not like the guy and I don't agree with that kind of hive mentality of collectively hating on him. And even if you can't bring yourself to like him, which, fairs, he's still an integral part of the series and ignoring him altogether is cutting the metaphorical heart out of your equation.

I think blaming him, of all people, during the mutiny scene is 100% unwarranted. There were plenty of times when he was way harsh on Buffy or didn't take her side when he should have but in this case I completely understood him taking a step back and not defending her. Xander roused the Potentials into following Buffy into that vineyard and he lost an eye for it. Even the trauma of it aside, he had logical reasons to doubt her.

I do feel like it sucks that Giles treated him as a joke, too, but that's a rabbit hole of its own. Again I don't think Xander always earned his title as the heart and the normal everyday guy but, particularly in the later seasons, he tries his best and is there when people need him. His feelings of insecurity are understandable and, as shitty as it was how he went about it, even his decision to call off the wedding came from an understandable place. I think it shows that he was essentially the token guy in a room full of empowered women on a show that was, crucially, largely written and run by men, so he defaults into toxicity on occasion. I dislike his entitlement to Buffy and making the group's decisions and I simply dislike the more stereotypically teenage boy things like constantly sexualizing women around him. But Xander is far from being all bad and he doesn't suck nearly as bad as people warned me he would. Some of the criticism is warranted but he seems overhated for the sake of it to me and, though I myself struggle with him, I think to ignore him and his validity in analysis is to fundamentally misinterpret BtVS as a whole.

[love-that-we-were-in]

☕ kurt hummel

You and I both know how dangerous this is. A few notes before I get into this, I respect Chris himself. I have no issues with him or who he is. This is solely about the character. Alright, let’s go.

1. I don’t like him... in fact it very clearly verges on hate most of the time. I think he’s selfish and rude and oftentimes just a shitty person. He feels entitled to a lot of things and, when they don’t go his way, he always links it to his sexuality despite there being no correlation. (Season 2 when Burt told him to ask permission before having a bit stay over - the same rules applied to Finn and girls, for example)

2. He was a pretty terrible boyfriend most of the time. He was jealous constantly, had no respect for Blaine’s choices at points and thought he knew best. Some of the worst moments were 2x14 when Blaine is questioning, 5x16 when Blaine was watching porn because he felt like shit and instead of helping anything Kurt made him feel worse. (Look, it’s porn. It’s not a big thing. 99% of the time, watching porn means nothing to a person except a way to get off.)

3. I just didn’t like his fashion sense.

4. He could be a pretty awful friend as well. The way he treated Mercedes when he and Blaine started getting close, telling her that she just needed to get a boyfriend. I’m not a hummelberry fan because they’re both insufferable but the way he treated Rachel was pretty unfair sometimes.

5. The Chandler debacle. I understand that it can be considered cheating and that it can be considered not cheating. I’m very much of the opinion on the former. I think that when Rachel Berry is telling you you’re doing something wrong, you should rethink things. He didn’t tell Chandler he had a boyfriend (countering Blaine telling Sebastian about Kurt almost straight away), he didn’t tell Blaine about it and, as far as I could see, the messages were more romantic than they should’ve been.

6. In his defence, his is the only reaction to Brody that I can kind of stand. Finn, Santana and Rachel all treated him awfully when they discovered that he was a sex worker. So kudos to him for not beating him up, offering him money or confronting him with a song at his school for no reason.

7. Him at Dalton. From what we saw, he only befriended Blaine. He abandoned them as soon as they lost a competition. He had very little respect for their traditions (I get that he wanted some individuality but they were an acapella group. Teamwork is important there, uniformity is key. I understand that the way the new directions and the warblers worked was very different but he didn’t respect the Warblers at all).

8. The disrespect for Unique’s pronouns. Most of the characters were very guilty of this but, even in season 3, Kurt and Mercedes were really bad about it. There was no respect there. I just... couldn’t stand it.

9. NYADA admission. His audition was better than Rachel’s - I’ll give him that. But Rachel had so many extracurriculars on her application that Kurt didn’t have. He didn’t even consider it until the last minute and that’s probably a big part of why he didn’t get in the first time.

10. Kurt vs Sebastian. Anyone that follows my blog knows that I am a Seblaine shipper and a Sebastian Smythe stan. I’ve made no secret of it. But that’s not what this is about. Kurts treatment of Sebastian was pretty bad. I’m not going to defend Sebastian because he was a dick (I love him but let’s be honest). However, I do think some of the things Kurt said/did when Sebastian was around sucked. His possessiveness when it came to Blaine and Sebastian, his instant assumption that Blaine cheated with Sebastian, but especially his subtle slut shaming of Sebastian. We see it when he’s talking to Santana in 3x11 (and she’s just as guilty there) especially. I just think he had no right to say those things.

11. Klaine in New York. A fair bit of it wasn’t healthy. When Blaine first moved in, he wanted his own space, just something small so he could feel like he lived there as well, and Kurt shit all over it. I already spoke about Blaine’s weight gain. Blaine having to move in with Mercedes was what it took for their relationship to be okay - which shouldn’t be okay.

12. Blaine at McKinley. It started with Kurts constant questions about transferring and then after he had it was “I don’t want you to regret this” (which really should’ve been a point beforehand). Then it was Finn treating Blaine like shit for 8 episodes. And West Side Story was a whole thing but I’m sorry if when I think of the role of Tony, I don’t think of Kurt Hummel. Artie and Beiste and Emma were right - it just wasn’t there when it came to Kurt and playing Tony. There’s the argument in 3x17 over “sitting on stools” and watching Blaine perform. There was just a lot there.

13. Blainofsky. I firmly believe he had no right to react the way he did. Blaine owed him absolutely nothing - kurt broke off the engagement after being a pretty shitty fiancé - and Blaine was happy for the first time in a long time. Blaine is also in the wrong in 6x07 for kissing Kurt but Kurt made it so they sang that duet. I think Kurt just liked to manipulate things in his favour when it came to Blaine’s other relationships and I don’t like that.

There’s probably a lot more I could say about Kurt Hummel and some of it could be positive but probably not. This was just a bunch of word vomit so I’m sorry. But there you go.

[saphira-approves]

Don’t Compare My Boy To K*l* R*n: In This Essay I Will—

okAY I’m talking about it

So I can’t find the post right now, but a few days ago I saw a post on my dash comparing Murtagh of the Inheritance Cycle to Kylo Ren of Star Wars, citing parallels for their similarities.

Since we all know this blog is really just a poorly-disguised Murtagh stan blog, I decided I’d share my thoughts on this comparison. I’ll be discussing character backgrounds, character roles, character motives, and character actions.

Part One: Character Backgrounds

Murtagh and Kylo Ren are both descendants of the “previous generation.” Their mothers were both prominent rebels, their fathers were both considered handsome and rogueish, and both sets of parents eventually separated. But that’s about where the similarities end.

Kylo Ren’s—or rather, Ben Solo’s—parents loved each other and loved their son. They may have been flawed in the way they showed it, but then again, the only account we hear of Ben’s childhood (as I recall, anyway, and I’m not rewatching those movies just for a tumblr post) is Ben’s, after he’d been groomed and manipulated by Snoke for many, many years. Han Solo died believing he was helping his son; Leia Organa died saving her son; at the very least, they both loved him enough, even while he was serving the Dark Side, to give up their lives for him. 

Murtagh’s parents, on the other hand, were a mess. From Murtagh’s account of their relationship, Morzan didn’t care much about Selena except for her usefulness as a weapon; he was happy to manipulate her and her emotions, but I highly doubt he actually loved her. He certainly didn’t give a damn about Murtagh, throwing a sword at his own three-year-old son. Selena, meanwhile, although she obviously loved Morzan at first, loved Murtagh even more, and clearly recognized that Morzan didn’t care for her the way she had once cared for him—when she recognized an opportunity to work against him, she took it. 

Kylo Ren despised both of his parents, but that hatred seemed hollow, shallow—it had no real reason. They led busy lives, perhaps didn’t make enough time for him, but their actions revealed that they did, truly, love him despite his mistakes, and Kylo’s loathing reveals itself to truly be the manifestation of a spoiled child’s anger, magnified tenfold. Murtagh, conversely, had very good reasons for his complicated view of his parents: he loved his mother, but she was kept from him (and him from her), and she died—possibly in front of him, though he never says, and, unbeknownst to him until much later, having just hidden his brother in Carvahall. There was no love lost between him and Morzan, who was in the best case just an angry drunk, worst case—and more likely—an abusive father, and the only thing Murtagh ever expected to receive from him as inheritance was his sword (which is by itself another whole post in the making). 

Part Two: Character Roles

Both Murtagh and Kylo Ren played the role of foil to the protagonists of their stories. 

Murtagh and Eragon were very similar in many ways; I’ve mentioned before the many “subtle” hints Paolini gives to their true relationship (”a pair of matched blades” and “brothers in arms” come to mind off the top of my head). Their differences clearly highlight their different upbringings: Eragon thinks in the moment, with his heart and his compassion, while Murtagh thinks ahead, makes plans and contingencies—this difference is most clearly seen when Murtagh kills Torkenbrand and Eragon's strong moral code makes him protest, even though killing the slaver was, objectively, the best course of action they could take. Yet Murtagh is not only Eragon’s foil in action, but also his foil symbolically: they are both sons of Selena, which binds them, and yet the sons of opposing fathers, which others unwittingly use to pit them against each other (yes, this is also a whole other post in the making. like i said, poorly-disguised murtagh stan blog). Murtagh’s foilness to Eragon is deeply interwoven into their friendship and their parallels, showing up in many subtle and unsubtle moments throughout the series.

Kylo Ren’s foil status, on the other hand, is… complicated in a different way. For one thing, he’s not just a foil to Rey, he’s also a foil to Finn—in fact, I’d argue he’s more foil to Finn, and more just a complete opposite to Rey. He’s the experience to Rey’s raw talent, he shifts toward the Light while Rey shifts toward the Dark, but with Finn, their stories of pulling away from the Empire could have been fantastic foil stories. Wasted opportunity. And I’m so mad about it but this isn’t a star wars blog so—

Part Three: Character Motives

Of course, both Murtagh and Kylo Ren’s motives change over the course of their own stories, so we’ll be looking at what they are and how they change.

Kylo Ren starts his story in TFA as a ruthless, power-hungry fanboy who cherry-picked his history lessons and simply ignored the fact that his oh-so-esteemed Darth Grandvader was actually redeemed in the end because Luke refused to give up on whatever scrap of good was left in him and I hate hate hate hate hate Luke’s sequel characterization UGH and so Kylo is “emulating” a false image of what he thinks Vader was: the power, the presence, the mask and modulator aesthetic, the “I’m on the Dark Side because it’s fun, and I get to do whatever I want consequence-free.” Which… no! So, at first, what does Kylo want? Power! Sure, he’s serving Palpatine’s Smeagol puppet Snoke, but eventually he’s gonna be the most powerful person in the galaxy. …well, but then eventually starts getting a little boring, so in TLJ Kylo ups his timetable, tries to get Rey on his side after torturing her for information (OF HIS OWN VOLITION! BECAUSE HE’S A JERK! He did not CARE about even trying to convince her at first, he asked the few questions necessary to justify meeting her resistance with a Force mind-rape), and then when she doesn’t join him on the Dark Side he fights her, again and again and again until he nearly DIES, and then HIS MOTHER DIES TO SAVE HIS UNGRATEFUL ASS, so now Kylo’s priorities switch from “power” to… uh… what, again? Redemption? By… how? Sacrificing his life for Rey?

Oh, now he remembers how his Darth Grandvader history lesson ended.

he’s still a copycat though

Murtagh’s motives, conversely, actually make sense for his situation. When we meet him, he has in the last few months run away from Urû’baen and lost his mentor and father-figure. His two priorities: keep himself and his horse alive, and see what the deal is with the new Dragon Rider he’s heard so much about. He meets Eragon and Saphira by saving their lives from the Ra’zac, and he’s there when Brom dies, and Eragon loses his own mentor. Having just recently gone through that pain himself, Murtagh gets attached, and joins Eragon on his adventure/vengeance quest against the Ra’zac. Murtagh doesn’t reveal his parentage, but he and Eragon find that they have a lot of similarities and get very close, sparring and bantering and becoming “a set of matched blades” and “brothers-in-arms” and other such friendly roles that are not-so-subtle hints at their true relationship, and even when they fight—notably when Murtagh doesn’t want to go to the Varden, because they might kill him, which would be actively violating his first priority of staying alive—Murtagh still agrees to help Eragon because he’s a nice f*cking person okay. And then, through shenanigans, Murtagh ends up getting kidnapped, assumed dead by his few new friends, and then 

TORTURED AND MIND-RAPED FOR AT LEAST THREE OR FOUR MONTHS.

And Murtagh’s will never broke! Not until Galbatorix gave him a dragon egg, and that dragon egg hatched into Thorn, and Thorn bonded with Murtagh, and Galbatorix threatened Thorn.

Murtagh fought Galbatorix until Thorn’s well-being was put into danger. 

After that, Murtagh’s priorities are skewed; he’s forcibly sworn to Galbatorix’s will, which sucks, but he’s also given fantastic power, which is great; but he and Thorn still get tortured as punishment for messing up, which also sucks. And then Nasuada, someone Murtagh actually likes, is captured and brought to Urû’baen, and Murtagh tries to hide his face behind the silver mask when Galbatorix forces him to torture Nasuada (physically, because Galbatorix never forces Murtagh to attack Nasuada’s mind) because he doesn’t want to torture his friend. In fact, he does everything in his ability to help her. And in the end, he cares about her so much that he realizes hang on a minute, I would actually put SOMEONE ELSE’S health and well-being over my own, which means something in me has fundamentally changed, WHICH MEANS I CAN DEFY GALBATORIX, and so what does he do? He gets rid of Galbatorix’s wards and lets Eragon finish him off. He gives up the Eldunarí to Eragon and Saphira, which were a huge source of his power, because in the end, he’s not a power-hungry maniac, he’s a nice person that shitty things happened to.

(And if Murtagh is a nice person that shitty things happened to, then Kylo Ren is a shitty person that nice things happened to)

Part Four: Character Actions

If you don’t believe me, then perhaps we’ll let actions speak louder than words.

Kylo Ren: In his first appearance, he orders his troops to kill an entire settlement. From there, he tortures Poe for information, obsessively pursues the protagonists who have the key to Luke’s location, becomes obsessed with Rey, who seems Force-sensitive, attempts to torture Rey the same way he tortured Poe, kills his own father even as his father apologizes and tries to help him, chases Finn and Rey (again) into a snowstorm on a planet that’s imploding in on itself because of a lightsaber; and then he’s chasing the Resistance—including his own mother—across the galaxy, killing Snoke and calling himself Supreme Leader (yeah, totally something a secret good guy would do), cornering the Resistance on Crait with the threat of DEATH. STAR. TECH. (miniaturized, but like. what’s the miniature of a planet-killer???? half a planet killer??????), and then ALLYING HIMSELF with PALPATINE (the stupid crusty meatsack didn’t even have to groom this one, he got a new apprentice for FREE), while also PLANNING TO DOUBLECROSS… PALPATINE… and continuing to chase Rey across the galaxy, trying to get her to join the Dark Side, and he only stops when his mother gives up her life to save his. 

His mother… who, just recently, he THREATENED WITH DEATH STAR TECH. 

All this to say, his “redemption” arc is hollow and stupid. Dying while doing “good” is not redemption, it’s a cop-out. Vader was ruthless not because he took pleasure from killing, but because it was efficient; he was redeemed because he found out he had been lied to, manipulated, used, and abused. Kylo Ren was fully aware of his situation, an abuser himself who took pleasure in his power and in killing people; and he was not redeemed by a kumbayah force-life-transfer BS or for turning on Palpatine, WHICH HE WAS PLANNING TO DO ANYWAY. 

Murtagh: Helps Eragon, helps Eragon even when he could get captured or tortured or killed, helps Eragon even though he’s surrounded by people who would suffer no regret over killing him, helps Eragon even though he will get tortured for it later, helps Nasuada because he doesn’t want to torture his friend (let me repeat, he DOESN’T. WANT. to TORTURE. his FRIEND. And he even ends up sneaking into her cell, AT RISK OF PUNISHMENT WHICH WOULD INVOLVE TORTURE, to talk to her and heal at least some of her wounds, and give her a way to tell reality from illusion when Galbatorix does try to force his way into her head), helps Eragon kill Galbatorix in the final battle, helps a little girl he’s only just met and gives her an enchanted fork, because why not, and only waits to rejoin Eragon and Saphira because he recognizes his own need to heal, to take time for himself and Thorn, and later, if FWW is anything to go by, probably to redeem himself by helping people, and fighting whatever threat he’s hearing rumors about in the north. Murtagh doesn’t take pleasure in hurting people, and he goes out of his way to do good things, even at risk to himself, as much as he’d hate to admit it.

Murtagh is hardly perfect; on the one hand, I fully agree with his decision to kill Torkenbrand because what else were you gonna do with him, Eragon, but on the other, yes, he’s flawed. Notably, there’s the moment of him killing Hrothgar, which I’ve discussed, his anger issues, his potential alcohol issues, and his general tendency to put himself first (which… yes, but also, he really doesn’t). Best thing about this, though, his his enormous potential for change, because we’ve already seen him change! And it saved the whole war! One tiny thing, one small moment of self reflection and realization—he changed himself, without any outside influence except for finding someone to care about. 

TL;DR Don’t insult my boy Murtagh. Come back when Kylo Ren gets some actual character development.

[mellometal]

Hey, everyone.

If you saw the post from earlier, I had to delete it. There were things I forgot to discuss and things that didn't get saved into my drafts. Sorry if you have to see this again.

I've been WAITING to talk about Glee. Not in the good way either. There's so much wrong with the show, and it's sickening. Yes, I've watched the show last year. Against my will, but that's because of other people refusing to put on anything else besides Glee. I can say that I hate Glee with my entire being. (My initial reason for hating it was because they covered "SING" by My Chemical Romance and turned it into a slow, patriotic song when it's a song about rebellion. NOTHING about "SING" is patriotic. I hated the show since I first heard about it...for that very reason. I was like thirteen or so at the time when I first heard about Glee? Despite it being out since 2009.

Though it's been over for several years now, it's a show that many people have mixed feelings about. From what I've seen, you either love Glee or you absolutely hate it. There's no in-between that I've seen. (If you can't already tell, I hate the show.)

The show is a literal dumpster fire, the characters are all fucking awful people and all of them are poorly written, the script pisses me off, it literally makes me feel disgusting, and don't even get me started on the covers. Most of the covers aren't that good. A lot of them sound like nails on a chalkboard to me. The pacing of the show makes NO sense in certain areas (like when Blaine was initially made to be a grade above Kurt, but was then changed to be like the same grade as him so he'd stay). It just feels like everyone in the show is either a Mary Sue, a Gary Stu, their whole personality is just that they're from a minority group or they're EDGY AND HARDCORE DELINQUENTS BLEEEEHHHHH, creepy as fuck, bigoted as all hell, or they're just background characters who occasionally have the spotlight.

TW: The following post and any other posts that I'll make about this show contains subject matter that may be triggering for some audiences. It will go into subjects like racism, homophobia, ableism, outing of a person in the LGBT community, bigotry in general, statutory r@pe (between teachers and students), teachers being creepy towards students, mentioned past child m0l3stati0n and invalidation of the victim's trauma, making fun of su1c1d3, making fun of overdose, making fun of drug addiction....a lot of fucked up things.

If anything mentioned above is triggering for you, please feel free to scroll and consume safe media instead. I'd rather have you be safe than to be triggered by anything I'm gonna talk about.

Let's start off easy. The characters. It's easy to tear them apart. At least the most problematic ones.

Rachel, the Main Character™️, is textbook definition of a Mary Sue. Instead of calling her Rachel, I'm gonna call her Mary Sue for the whole post. She's almost completely perfect (like too perfect), her flaws are minor if anything, she gets all the special treatment....you get the picture. When Mary Sue does anything fucked up or she says anything fucked up, it either goes unnoticed, people make up excuses for her being a shitty person, or it gets twisted so it looks like Mary Sue is the hero! (I hate her. So much. I cannot stand her.)

Aaawwww, Mary Sue didn't want some OTHER GIRL (Sunshine) to steal HER spotlight, so she SENT THIS GIRL TO A CRACK HOUSE. A FUCKING CRACK HOUSE, OF ALL PLACES. A PLACE WHERE THIS GIRL COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN SERIOUS DANGER. THIS GIRL COULD HAVE BEEN SERIOUSLY INJURED AT BEST AND KILLED AT WORST. Yes, I'm aware not all drug houses are the same, but still. It doesn't matter what this girl did. What Sunshine did is irrelevant. It's not okay to send people to strange places where they don't know anyone, and are put in danger, even to the point of either getting injured or killed. But it's okay, because at least it's not an "active" crack house you sent Sunshine to, RIGHT, Mary Sue? You still sent some poor girl to a place where she could have been put in serious danger, even to possibly get injured or killed, all because you didn't want her to steal YOUR spotlight. You fucking disgusting, entitled, bratty cunt. You don't need the spotlight all the time anyway. THAT'S HOW THEATRE WORKS. YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET THE LEAD ROLE. YOU DON'T ALWAYS GET THE ROLE YOU WANT. AND THAT'S OKAY. YOU WORK WITH WHAT YOU GOT. Sincerely, a theatre kid.

There are other fucked up things Mary Sue has done, but this is the one thing I could find anyone talking about. If I remember correctly, she hurt her Gay Best Friend™️ Kurt in some way. All I remember is that Kurt was mad at Mary Sue about something. Mary Sue is annoying as fuck. What else can I say about her?

Next, we have Finn, who's textbook definition of a Gary Stu. I'll call him Gary Stu throughout this post. I hate this fucker too. He's the Main Character's Boyfriend™️, the Hot Quarterback™️, and The Good Guy™️. Yet....he's not a good person. He's treated like he's a good person, but he's really not. His flaws are fairly minor and excused (and any major flaws aren't even talked about much), he's almost completely perfect, and every fucked up thing he does is ignored or is justified in some way. Like how he outed Santana as lesbian in the hallway WITHIN EARSHOT OF EVERYONE. HE DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE FOR THIS.

As a woman who has struggled with her sexuality growing up, this really brought back shit I went through. I "dated" boys when I was younger to cover up the fact that I'm only attracted to other women. I wasn't happy with these guys at all. I acted like I did so nobody would suspect anything. I felt nothing for them, except for in a platonic way. I've been outed twice. Once when I thought I was bisexual with a strong preference for other women (by my dad's girlfriend at the time), and when I came out as lesbian (by my brother). It sucks to be outed. The people who outed me in real life could have put me in danger. They could have made it so I had no place to go back to. They could have had me get hurt. It's a scary feeling. Like, it doesn't matter if you're supportive or if you're in the LGBT community. You don't fucking out people without their explicit permission. You especially don't out people to their abusers or to people they don't trust, let alone out them publicly. That's what happened to me. I don't wish this on anyone.

***By the way, for anyone who's closeted, you're valid, I love you, and I know how it feels to be stuck in the closet. You don't have to come out right now. Come out whenever you're ready to. Whenever it's safe for you to do so.***

Or how about the fact that Gary Stu made fun of Kurt's voice because he's gay? Gary Stu apparently has ✨anger issues✨ and that's pretty much the excuse they use to justify him doing fucked up shit to people.

They treat the characters who are from minority groups (i.e., BIPOC, AAPI, LGBT community, disabled people) like absolute garbage, put them through all this horrific shit, or they put them on a pedestal simply for being in a minority group. The teachers and other school staff are either written to be total bigots (Sue), or they're total pr3dators (Mr. Schue, the school nurse, and another teacher who I can't remember her name off the top of my head).

Sue pretty much only exists to be a poorly written villain who's a bigoted bitch just to be a bigoted bitch. Yes, there were some things she WAS right about (like how "Blurred Lines" wasn't an appropriate song choice for the Glee Club™️, but Mr. Schue The Pr3dator™️ downplayed it). Other than that...that's all I can think of. Because everything else that came out of her mouth was bigoted bullshit. Like these right here, for example:

Or how she drugged the principal, date r@ped him, and blackmailed him?

How about them making a tasteless joke about Sue committing su1c1d3 and having her "overdose" on multivitamin gummies?

DO I NEED TO EXPLAIN HOW FUCKED UP ALL OF THIS IS? I do? Well, first of all, she called people racist, homophobic, ableist, and otherwise disgusting names. She boiled them down to their race, sexual orientation, their disability, and their appearance in general. Second, SHE DRUGGED, BLACKMAILED, AND DATE R@PED SOMEBODY. I don't think I need to explain how that's bad. The evidence is right there. Third, she said she was committing "sue-icide" by overdosing on multivitamin gummies. (Yes, you actually can OD on vitamins in supplement form, and it can cause serious symptoms and even death. Specifically with vitamins A, D, E, and K, and Iron. Vitamins A, D, E, and K are fat-soluble. They're a lot harder to remove from the body. The B vitamins and vitamin C aren't as severe if you do OD on them because they're water-soluble, but still be careful. You can't OD on vitamins and minerals you find in food. If you take supplements, vitamins, etc., only take what's on the bottle.) As someone who has su1c1d@l thoughts on and off, this is extremely insulting. Yes, I do use humor and I joke about my own experiences to cope, but this? Nah. Nothing about this is funny or cute in the slightest. Enough said.

Do I need to explain how fucking terrible it is to make light of a serious topic like this? It was never funny to see Britney Spears' mental health be at that low of a point in 2007. It was never funny to see the abuse the paparazzi inflicted on her. How the fuck was this ever okay? You can dislike Britney Spears all you want, but this was never it.

This is all I have for now. I'll probably make a part two because there are way too many things to talk about.

[cannoli-reader]

Dividing Robert Jordan’s “A Memory of Light”

A couple of times in recent months, the topic of Sanderson’s changes to the series has come up, and given me cause to think over his mistakes in how he divided the finale. Jordan clearly intended the story he laid out to be a single story, in one book, so I was dividing it, I’d do it into three volumes, intended to run together, without prologues and conclusions and the wind rising at the beginning of each. 

But if f the finale had to be in three separate books, it should have been, in my opinion, as follows (beyond the cut):

Book 12: The Breaking Storm 

(because “Gathering” is so trite and not really fitting this late)

Rand’s arc climaxes with the Dominion Bond incident, more use of the warder bonds to leave all three women horrified, Min traumatized by the incident, Aviendha fuming impotently at her separation from them and the Wise Ones’ harassment, Elayne dealing with a negative feedback loop of political fallout, as she tries to deal with Andor & Cairhien together, with a vague awareness of Rand’s deteriorating state shading everything for the worse.  Andoran problems should prevent her from giving Cairhien the attention it needs, Cairhienin issues drag her attention away from Andor just in time for more trouble to rear up, while she scrambles to find food for both countries. 

Mat should be having issues with managing the larger, reunited Band, maybe with some PTSD as alluded to at the end of KoD, when he says he no longer sees battles as gambling. He should struggle with a lot of setbacks and problems as he and Elayne try to get the cannon project going. His presence with the Band should cause her political difficulties, and his departure at the least convenient time for her. Maybe taking out the gholam at greater personal cost, and he’s freaked out, and can’t go after Moiraine yet. 

Perrin should have the Whitecloak conflict and reveal of Morgase, right away, get it over with, and then the Slayer thing comes up, and the Trolloc threat. His position at the end of the book should be impotence with the problem of the Berelain rumors blossoming among his people, remnants of Maseema’s people attacking and blaming him for the Prophet’s death, Perrin having developed an interest in saving the Children of the Light, but they aren’t about to cooperate and everything is going to get picked off by the Shadow, and Elayne is out for blood over his “rebellion” because so many other political problems have boxed her in and she can’t let another thing like this go.  There is just enough communication between his camp & Caemlyn to raise the stakes, not enough to be the basis for understanding.

Egwene’s story should see the Tower deteriorate more, with more splits and dissension in both the rebel camp and Tar Valon. Romanda and Lelaine’s conflict should come to a head, driving the older sisters back to the Tower, even while disgust at Elaida sends some loyalists out to the rebels.  More people should be listening to Egwene, only to find all their efforts uselessly stirring the pot, and the Seanchan attack destroys what unity is left.

The 13x13 plot should be out there and threatening Logain’s loyalists, with more interplay between Pevara’s group and Myrelle’s. Lan’s gathering of an army should be played less humorously and with more of a sense of ‘too little. too late’ and witnessing problems in the Borderlands, like political infighting, with lords the readers, but not the heroes, know are Darkfriends making their move more widespread than just Ituralde’s OTL problem at Maradon. 

Book 13: Towers of Darkness (or Shadow) (or Towers IN\AT Midnight)

The point is, that there should be some sort of sense of disaster and doom with the White Tower, Black Tower and Ghenji.  Maybe there could be scenes of Lan arriving at Malkier so the ruins of the Seven can play a part in the horror atmosphere. Groups and alliances discussed using metaphors of crumbling or toppling towers. That kind of thing.

Rand plunges deeper into Dark Rand, climaxing with his confrontation with Tam and beginning his sojourn among the Seanchan.

Egwene should be raised in the aftermath of a Seanchan attack that hits both the Tower and the rebels, maybe the groups coming together as they flee a literally burning White Tower.  It should be made abundantly clear that she’s only a compromise candidate, that all the sides are still fighting over who did what in the split. All they can agree on is that Elaida was bad and they have to work together, but blame each other for leaving so Elaida ran wild, or staying & supporting her administration and both sides expect the other to do more compromising, and this is just a shitty thankless job she has to shoulder.  The physical reclaiming of the Tower and cleanup efforts should be a recurring background issue, with emphasis on the destruction and now-crummy living conditions, but Egwene is making them stay in the battered shell of the Tower, rather than split up in the city, which would invite dissent. She’s trying to present a strong face to the rest of the world, but running into problems with the nations, both because of the Tower’s long neglect of the rest of the world for their own squabbles and because the Tower’s old habits of supremacy stumble against new bases of loyalty centered on Rand or other institutions.  Egwene can make things worse for Elayne and vice versa.

Rand and Egwene’s encounter should be in this book, when he’s still Dark Rand. His Merrilor notice should be more of an ultimatum, with Egwene’s efforts to gather the rulers and armies to have the sense of a last-ditch effort to confront him when he needs to be stood up to, and to try to salvage something if Rand goes full evil or insane. That way it seems less like a wrong-headed mistrust of her old friend. She also is fighting Mesaana and the Black Ajah, with more of an ongoing guerilla thing, rather than one big battle in one night. 

Perrin should be having all the Slayer conflicts in this one has he tries to bring all his people back together to fight the Shadow threats and hold off a war with Andor or the Children of the Light.

Mat should be stalling on the Moiraine thing out of accumulated trauma from the gholam and recent campaigns, belated loss of self-confidence from being Tylin’s Toy. He goes to Tuon, and even that turns bad when he realizes how things are with Rand and that his wife is getting ready to go to war with his best friend and maybe hears plans as well to go after Perrin and the Whitecloak “deserters”, maybe he encounters some damane he recognizes from the White Tower or even Elaida herself.  His moment of getting back on track should be deciding to go to Ghenji with Thom & Noal, and the climax should be the adventure there, with him losing his eye, and they get out in a less than awesome state, just sitting there in the Mountains like ‘now what’. 

Elayne’s political difficulties escalate, though she manages to get the crown of Cairhien settled, only for the Trolloc attack on Caemlyn, and Talmanes and Aludra barely escaping while the city burns. 

The Black Tower breaks into open warfare, Ituralde’s situation in the Borderlands deteriorates, there is a schism among the Aiel, maybe the siswai’aman start getting a little more Maseema-like in their beliefs, turning against the Wise Ones and clan chiefs for lying about Rhuidean all this time.  Aviendha plays a role in that, decides she’s a Wise One, goes to Rhuidean, has the bad future visions, where the current Aiel conflict is shown to come to fruition in the successive generation, and the world is a harsher, most nasty place in the wake of Rand’s victory, because he did it wrong. The alliance that won Tarmon Gaidon is falling out and the Aiel are taking sides with or preying on different wetlander factions, before the Seanchan crusade becomes their new unifying element. There should be a sense that the Raven Empire is doing what the original conquerors did in Seanchan, unifying a broken and conflict-ridden land and the Aiel are only exacerbating the conflict. 

Everything sucks, but a few people are still determined to keep trying. Lan, Perrin, Egwene, Nynaeve, Elayne, Tuon, Logain.  Mat, Moiraine & Thom have a technical win under their belt. That’s as good as it gets.

Book 14: A Memory of Light

Rand’s vision is failing as he spends more time wandering among the Seanchan and Tinkers with more of a “I’m done with all your bullshit” tupe of mindset.  He hears about problems going on in the rest of the world, sees collared Aes Sedai and even recognizably Aiel captives, and can’t care less, he’s going here and there weaving preparations for something big that’s going to kill everyone in the area in one dramatic burst of the Power when he triggers it with the Choedan Kal, and he’s doing the same thing in Bandar Eban, around Far Madding and the Borderlanders, in Tarabon and maybe even the Black Tower. But eventually something cracks and we get Dragonmount. 

Perrin finally makes some headway in getting people together, winning back trust, and he’s on the verge of rescuing the Whitecloaks, when he forges the new hammer, which is closely tied in with Rand on Dragonmount, even inspired by his witnessing of it. 

Mat and Moiraine’s recovery is likewise tied to Rand’s epiphany. Maybe Rand comes looking for them thanks to ta’veren vision, and helps them get over their ‘Finn trauma. A symbolic first act of Healing. He goes with Mat to make amends with Tuon, reunites with Tam, goes to the rescue of the Borderlands & Lan.

Perrin & Galad come to the rescue in Andor, Elayne is dealing with the mess of Caemlyn, and small armies start showing up, the results of her campaigning as seen in CoT, and a massive relief force comes from Cairhien, with commoners and craftsmen saying “You fed us, now we’ll feed you”. Food comes up the rivers in Zaida’s ships.  Elayne brings the Borderlanders from Far Madding to help contain the Trollocs.  She ends up as the focal point of a large cooperative effort, with the Kin as the One Power muscle for her group. Needless to say, the turning point of this stuff should be tied into Dragonmount. Elayne’s & Perrin’s peace agreement is based more of cooperation, rather than who is entitled to what. 

Egwene defeats Mesaana, thanks to Perrin bringing the dreamspike on his way to Dragonmount to back up Rand, and now people are cooperating more afterwards.  Likewise with Logain’s victory at the Black Tower, which more of a group effort with Logain as the public face, and not the Androl’s Big Adventure we actually got. Loial should also succeed in persuading the Stump after Dragonmount.

And then, just when things are looking up, the attacks begin. The scheduled meeting at Merrilor is much more of a “quick, let’s get together, there’s no time left” vibe. Moiraine’s return is less dramatic, but she does move Rand & Egwene past a minor sticking point. Rand meets the Borderland rulers for their little test thing.  Elayne’s ascension as supreme commander is more of an organic thing, because of the connections she’s forged among so many groups, that she’s the only major leader known to the Borderlanders, the Aiel, and the Sea Folk, is related by marriage to the King of Tear, rules Andor and Cairhien, who are now buddies from fighting together, and the fact that she’s been fighting this whole time.  That way the political storylines mean something, rather than Rand just appointing her because his old Aes Sedai friend said so, and the rulers are all standing around wondering what these people are talking about but going along because the protagonists said so. 

[jerseygirl1290]

Best Friends

Seven months. Seven months of my life I had devoted to this man and trying to make our long distance relationship work. Seven months of only getting to see each other once a week if we were lucky. Seven months of making the hour long trip just to get the opportunity to spend just a couple of hours with him. And then it was gone. Ended with a simple text message that broke my heart into pieces.

           It was shortly after that heartbreaking conversation that I called my best friend. He wasn’t anywhere close, but hearing his voice would make me feel so much better. I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

           “Hey love! How’s it goin’?!” The Irishman spoke through the phone.

           “Hey Finn. I’m not doing so well. We just broke up and I didn’t know what else to do or who else to talk to.” I said, trying to keep my voice from cracking.

           “I’m sorry, dear. What happened? Talk to me. Let it all out. I can tell by your voice that you just wanna cry. You know you don’t have to hide it from me.” He responded.

           I went into detail about how we had been fighting a lot recently and how every time an opportunity to see each other came up, plans were always changed at the last minute, and then finally about the series of text messages that had torn my heart out. By the time I was done, I was a sobbing mess that could barely be understood.

           “Hey love, it’s ok. If he can’t see how truly amazin’ you are, then he doesn’t deserve you at all. You deserve someone who loves you properly and is going to treat you with the respect you deserve and not make excuses to not see you.” Finn’s said, anger in his voice.

           Finn and I had been friends for twenty something years. Ever since we were little kids. He had always played the big brother role. He was always the protective one. He had even beat the hell out of my high school boyfriend when he cheated on me. Even after he moved to Japan to follow his wrestling dreams and then made it big in WWE, I could always call him. He had even taken me with him to a couple of WWE events and I got to meet some of the superstars that he worked with.

           “I don’t want anyone else, Finn. I want him!” I sighed into the phone

           “I know, love, but that’s not in the cards right now.”

           “Why does love have to suck?” I asked

           “It doesn’t suck. You just haven’t found the right person yet is all. You’ll get there, love. You just have to be strong and have faith.”

           “I know. It’s just really hard to right now. But I don’t want to take you away from what you were doing. It’s late for both of us, and I’m sure you probably have to be up early in the morning to get ready for the show tomorrow night. I’m going to try and get some sleep, or cry my eyes out. One of the two. Goodnight, Finn.” I answered

           “Love, you know you can call me any time and I will drop what I’m doing to talk to you. That’s what friends do. Please try to get some rest. I will call you in the morning. Goodnight.” And with that, we hung up the phone.

           I didn’t sleep well that night. I kept waking up and falling back to sleep. I finally fell into a decent sleep about 4am, only to be woken up by my phone buzzing at 6am. I rolled over and looked at my phone. It was a message from Finn.

           “Hey, love! What are you doing today?” it read

           “I was going to lay around my house and watch chick flicks and drown my sorrows in ice cream all day. Why?”

           “Get up, take a shower, pack your clothes and get to the airport. I’m booking you a flight down here to Miami today. The next flight down here is out of Atlanta and it departs at 11.”

           “Finn, no. I’m not flying down there today. You are crazy.”

           “Look, love. You need me. I’m here for you. You need a break. I’m providing that for you. Just come down here and hang out with me, Karl, and Luke and have fun at the show tonight. Besides, I haven’t seen my best friend in ages, and I kind of miss her too.”

           “Ugh! Fine. You drive a hard bargain, Balor. Go ahead and book it. I’ll get ready and go.”

           “Great! Make sure you text me when you’re getting ready to leave and when you land. The guys and I will meet you at the airport when you arrive.”

           “I’ll see you soon then.” I responded

           It took everything in me to get up and do as Finn asked of me. I wanted to stay home, in my pajamas and not do anything except for drown my sorrows in ice cream while crying and watching chick flicks, but Finn was right. I did need my best friend, and a break. I hadn’t seen him in so long, except for on TV when I watched Raw every Monday night, and it would be nice to see Luke and Karl again. We were all friends, but I wasn’t close with them like I was with Finn.

           I made it to the airport and checked in. I texted Finn when I got to the gate to let him know that I had made it. When I didn’t receive a text back before I boarded the plane, I sent him another message letting him know that I had boarded the plane and would arrive in Miami in a few hours. It was a two hour flight, and I think I slept the whole way due to lack of sleep the night before. I was woken up by a flight attendant after the plane had landed. After gathering my things and departing the plane, I turned my phone on to send Finn a text letting him know I had landed, but about the time I hit the send button, someone ran up to me and wrapped me in a bear hug and spun me around. After they sat me down and I got my bearings I looked up to see the 6 foot 8, 290lb frame of Luke Gallows standing over me with a grin on his face.

           “Luke! What the hell?! You scared me!” I said as I slapped him across the chest. My five foot nothing, 105lb frame did nothing to hurt him though. He just laughed and draped his arm across my shoulders.

           “Sorry, kid. Didn’t mean to scare ya. I just wanted to have some fun.” He said

           “Where’s Finn and Karl?” I asked

           “They’re in the front with the car. Finn wanted to come back and wait on you, but I told him I’d do it because I knew you wouldn’t be expecting me.”

           “No. You’re right. I wasn’t.” I said as we started walking towards the front of the airport. We chit chatted a little bit, as we made our way out to the car. Once we got outside we found Finn and Karl waiting up against the car. Luke put my bags in the trunk while I hugged Karl hello and Finn picked me up into the biggest bear hug I think he had ever given me. Once he put me back on my feet, he pulled me close to his chest and held me there for a long time. It took everything I had not to break down in tears right then. I think he could sense that. He could always sense when there was something wrong, no matter how much I tried to deny it. It was like this weird thing he had going on.

           “It’s ok, love. I’m here now. You can tell me all about it later on, but right now I just want you to relax, and we’ll go back to the hotel to drop your stuff off and go have lunch before heading to the venue. How does that sound?” he said as he looked down at me.

           “That sounds amazing.” I said, trying to keep my composure.

           Karl drove back to the hotel, with Luke in the front seat and Finn and me in the back. The four of us talked the whole way there, catching up on what was going on in our lives. I told the other guys about my breakup.

           “That’s no good. I’m sorry.” Karl responded. “It sounds like that guy’s a…. What’s the word I’m looking for?” he said as he looked at Luke

           “NERD!” Luke responded.

           I couldn’t help but laugh.

           “But no, in all seriousness, that is a shitty situation. I’m sorry you’re going through that” Luke said.

           “Such is life I guess.” I said as we pulled up to the hotel. Finn, being the gentleman that he has always been, carried my bags upstairs to his room.

           “There’s only one bed in here. I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting company. I can sleep in the chair, if that would make you more comfortable.” He said as he opened the door.

           “Finn, we’ve been friends for over twenty years. I’m pretty sure we can share a bed.” I responded.

           “I just figured I would give you the option.” He said

           “Always the gentleman.” I responded as Finn sat my stuff down.

           After dropping my bags off at the hotel, the four of us had lunch at a small restaurant and then headed to the venue so the guys could help set up and get ready for their match that evening. I pretty much just hung out in Finn’s dressing room, because I didn’t really want to be around anyone. The few other superstars that knew I was there that I was kinda sorta friends with, such as Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins, stopped in to say hello and catch up a little bit. Dean hung out for a while since he was the only one who didn’t have a match. It was nice hanging out with him, because he always knew how to cheer me up when he didn’t even know there was something wrong. After Finn, Luke and Karl’s match was done, they packed up their gear and we all headed back to the hotel. We said our goodnights and parted ways. Finn and I going to his room, and Luke, and Karl going to their room. As soon as we stepped through the door to Finn’s room, he put his stuff down and sat down on the bed.

           “Come here, love.” He said as he held his arms open for me. I went over and sat down next to him, but he picked me up and put me on his lap, while wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest. That’s all it took for the dam to break and the tears to start flowing,

           “Ssshhh… It’s ok, love. Let it all out. I’m here. I got ya. I’m not gonna let anything happen to ya.” He soothed as he ran his fingers through my hair.

           “How could I be so stupid, Finn? I mean, all the signs were there. It was hard right from the beginning. How did I let myself get to this point? I should have known better. I feel so stupid!” I responded.

           “You’re not stupid. You couldn’t have stopped this, even if you wanted to. It’s going to be ok. You’re going to move on and find someone who is much better for you.” Finn responded.

           “But I don’t want anyone else. I want him. And I feel so stupid for wanting him, even after he did what he did.”

           “You’re not stupid.” He repeated. “The only thing I can tell you, is that he’s the stupid one. He’s the one who’s missing out. You’re an amazing woman, strong, smart, funny, and independent. Any man would be lucky to have you.”

           “You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend.”

           “No. I’m saying that because I truly love you. With all of my heart. I have since we were little kids. It breaks my heart to see you like this. I want you to be happy, whether it’s with me, or someone else. You deserve that.”

           “Wait… What did you just say?”

           “I said I truly love you and I want you to be happy.”

           “No,,, The other part…” I said as I looked up at him

           “If you are with me or not I want you to be happy because I love you and I care about you.” He answered

           “I love you and care about you too, Finn.” I responded.”

           “Yes, but probably not in the way I…” he said, but was quiet when I put one finger up to his mouth. After I dropped my finger, he sat there, looking at me for a minute before I felt him reach under my chin to tilt my head up. I looked into his blue/green eyes. It only took a second for his lips to find mine. When he finally pulled away from the kiss, I didn’t know what to say.

           “I-I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. You’re going through so much right now and to put that on you… I’m sorry.” He said, quickly

           “Finn. There’s no need to apologize.” I answered, as I pulled him back down to kiss me again.

           “Wow. That was definitely worth the wait. Now c’mon, love. Let’s get you some sleep.” Finn said.

           We laid down in bed. Him on one side of the bed and me on the other. Before I knew it, though, I felt two arms slide around me and pull me back into his chest. And  as I fell to sleep, I felt him kiss the back of my head, I knew everything was going to be alright since I had my best friend there by my side.

[vrenaewrites]

CRAVE by Tracy Wolff thoughts: Ch 22 - ch 48

Full video here.

CH 22: Baby, it’s hot in here

Like, baby it’s cold outside?

Sooooo much internal monologuing about her first boyfriend and how no one has made her feel like Jaxon does…

“The big picture is that the most popular boys in school are obsessed with you”

“He looks at you like it physically hurts him not to be touching you. Baby, if he wanted you anymore he’d spontaneously combust”

Macy wants the tea about her and Jaxon

She says flint and him had a “massive pissing contest over her” lmao

“Are you trying to be reassuring or scare me?” “yes”

She tells heather ttyf? Am i stupid??? What does that mean?

TALK TO YOU FOREVER?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

“It sounds like every cliche in the book, but he’s different around you. Somehow less intense, but more intense.”

“You can trust me, we’re family” and grace almost starts crying :(

CH 23: never bring an ice cream scoop to a gunfight

Macy FINALLY comes clean re: flint and jaxon are mortal enemies

“What is this the breakfast club? Even they figured out they could all get along” grace just be quiet and let the girl who actually knows wtf is up at this school tell you wtf is up. You been wanting her to talk for so long, be quiet.

Ooh something big happened a year ago that made them all break up into factions

It’s about hudson jaxon’s brother!

Or is his name spelled Hyudsin because stupid spellings

Ooh macy warned grace not to become the chew toy between flint and jaxon

CH 24: waffles are the way to a girl’s everything

I want to hate this but i fucking love waffles so like…

Someone’s texting her about her ankle...i thought it was jaxon...AND IT IS!

“I don’t know the punchline to whatever knock knock joke you’re setting up” I BURST OUT LAUGHING BECAUSE “he’s funny over text” ma’am...this isn’t funny? Maybe a lil snarky, but funny?

Now she’s telling jokes over text and we’re having a whole long stupid text fucking exchange….i hate this so much

Then he tries, “what do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite” and my soul leaves my body because what in the 8th grade twilight fanfiction is happening…

She texts him brb instead of just responding when when she was done peeing and then he stops answering her, this used to happen to me with the toxic dudes i talked to in high school...am i reading too much into this? Idk yet

And then she’s spiraling about why he stopped texting and UGH I REMEMBER THIS FEELING!!!!!!!!!

Jaxon has food sent up to her room from the...cafeteria? Wtf…

He says he doesn’t like the food and she says “So what do you like to eat” and then is like “wow that sounded suggestive” lmao

And he says “i don’t think we’re there yet but let me know when we are” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

CH 25: truly madly deeply bitten

And we’re really just gonna keep texting 21 questions

She loves tatbilb...i mean same lana condor is the loml, but

Jaxon loves rogue one………

I don’t care AT ALL. NOT ONE BIT DO I CARE, TRACY WOLFF.

“I wish i could ask the real jaxon vega to please stand up” i rolled my eyes but i also giggled

“You suck” “you have no idea how much” i threw up in my mouth.

Niall horan reference, hozier reference, rhianna reference

JAXON’S. FAVORITE. SONG. IS. TRULY. MADLY. DEEPLY.

INSERT SNAPCHAT OF ME CRYING LAUGHING HERE

Gambino reference, beethoven reference???, and then brown-eyed girl which personally offends me because my mom used to sing that to me

This makes her hands shake

She plays brown eyed girl a bunch of times

Then another woman comes to deliver a package to grace...from jaxon...it’s a library book

It’s twilight

Insert snap of me screaming stfu here

Macy is laughing her ass off about this because she isn’t stupid, she knows what jaxon is

And grace says she never read it when it was popular all those years ago…

Baby you said you liked reading. No way did you survive middle school without reading it.

And then he shows up!!!!!

She makes a shitty joke to lighten to the mood

He’s massaging her hurt ankle...oh shiiii

They ALMOST kiss

He gives her a little note wrapped in a ribbon

“I wonder how i’m going to keep this beautiful, broken boy from cracking my already battered heart wide open”

Hades voice: we were so CLOSE!

CH 26: the uniform doesn’t make the woman, but it sure brings out the insecurities

He ripped a page out of anais nin’s journals that says some shit like “i dreamed you, i wished for you”

So cute sentiment but you ripped a book my dude? Cardinal sin

Grace is finally going to class

The cafeteria is goth as fuuuuck

The music is “creepy af”

Jaxon sits next to her in front of everyone

CH 27: 10 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to “the cool kid’s table”

He sits in the super ornate chair backwards and it makes her horny

The order is kind of ragging on jaxon about being cute to grace which is funny

We get all the dude’s names at one - raphael luca liam mickey?? I think

“A dark and devastating desperation” in his eyes

And then we got byron who’s more angsty than jaxon - “mad bad and dangerous to know” just like his namesake

CH 28: “to be or not to be is a question, not a pick-up line”

Jaxon walks her to class

Wanting him feels like opening a vein

“I love the way your hair smells”

“My heart is beating like a heavy metal drummer”

We were so close!!!!!!!!!

We’re doing hamlet in class ofc

The teacher says “although you look like the shy type despite your association with katmere’s most notorious student”

Instead of just saying the halls are like playing frogger she describes the old video game where you try to get the frog across the road...is it just people in the south that say playing frogger when describing crossing traffic? Or is this a well known phrase??

Apparently there’s hidden tunnels so flint takes her to them

Her intuition is like BITCH DON’T GO IN THE TUNNELS but she ignores it AGAIN

CH 29: with friends like these, everyone needs hard hats

There are beds with shackles?!?!?!?!

Leah shows up and turns out they’re going to the same class? But flint insists on walking her to class…

Leah and flint are NOT friendly

Damn she offends flint with a buffalo bill joke

There’s bones in the tunnels and a giant chandelier in the rotunda that’s also made of bones…

There’s an earthquake!

CH 30: you make the earth shake under my feet, and everywhere else too

And it stops as soon as they get out of the tunnel

Jaxon is there and being a dick to flint and grace has HAD it

CH 31: big girls don’t cry, unless they want to

Grace gets hit with a basketball in gym

All the order has been walking her to class because jaxon knew she was mad at him

Does jaxon cause the earthquakes somehow?

She finally reads the texts jaxon had sent and feels bad for being mad at him when he was just worried - no he acted like a dick. Be mad.

She’s making sooooo many excuses for his anger: the earthquake, the fact that he’s already rescued her before so of course he’s worried…

Aww a student is playing autumn leaves which was her dad’s favorite song :(

She starts to boo-hoo “grief is a wild thing within me”

Civil twilight AGAIN

Jaxon is standing there when she finally stops

CH 32: it’s not a coincidence that denali and denial use all the same letters

He opens the door in the alcove and it’s like a clubhouse? Oh it’s his dorm room???? Confusion

So it’s like the living room and NOW he’s leading her into his bedroom

She says she’s terrified of him touching her because of the intensity but then says she has no trepidations about doing or being anywhere with him...ya just said...nvm

They go out to the roof

CH 33: Madonna’s not the only one with a lucky star

Please decide if grace is a silly teen who doesn’t know what frogger is or an old soul who loves madonna pls

She asks if he’s an alien…

And she tells him he’s the hottest person ever and that his scar makes him sexy as hell and he's all like “me?!” which is a nice role reversal

This is his favorite place

And there's a meteor shower!!

CH 34: all’s fair in love and earthquakes

Thanks i hate this

When she touches him she realizes how cold he is and thinks it’s from being outside which makes him act all weird

Someone please just tell this girl what’s going on!!!!!!!!! I HATE when the reader is 8,000 steps ahead of the MC

“A craving in his eyes” WE’VE SAID THE TITLE FOLKS!

She makes the move to close the space and says she’s dazzled, GUYS

She’s making the MOVE! “Did you ever want something but you were scared of taking it?” “yes” “what did you do” “i took it anyway” and then he kisses her!!!!!!

The kiss is as soft as a snowflake, as delicate as the permafrost

Then “his mouth goes crazy on mine lips tongue teeth, it’s a cacophony of sensations, a riot of pleasure”

“My knees go weak at his tongue on mine, just like one of those heroines in a novel”

His hands are vices on my biceps...his hands were around her back at first which seems way more romantic than manhandling her arms??

There’s an earthquake...and jaxon is like you have to go

A window breaks and cuts her and then she blacks out????

CH 35: baked alaska is more than just a yummy dessert

Intimidating af is the nurse

The glass nicked her artery!!!!!! The FUCK. or did jaxon bite her?????

Her mom died like that… yikes on bikes

He fucking bit her...this is a lie...i’m calling it…

FINN ABOUT TO COME CLEAN!!!...but the nurse stops him.

Macy is an OG bff she is the best

Or is grace the one making shit happen??

Grace notices the sheets are fixed but that macy never went to the bed

Macy asked what they were doing when the earthquake hit...WHY

CH 36: no harm, all foul

Grace goes after Jaxon and he’s like “our kiss didn’t matter”

He says he put her in a lot of danger by being around her, a “target on her back” and wants her to stay away from him but he can’t pull himself away

But then he does

CH 37: don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the answer

Leah drops the bomb that she and Jaxon are expected to carry on like a family dynasty sitch since Hudson died

CH 38: nothing says “i like you” like a fang to the throat

She’s freaking out of course

Mickey says jaxon def didn’t bit her and she’s even more confused and me too

Jaxon is in the mountains...he wants her to wait but she’s pissed

“I take a deep breath and hold onto it with both hands” ….?????

Because i have to hear it out loud, “what did make these marks?”

Say it, out loud

CH 39: there’s never a hallucinogen around when you need one

She’s furious and she should be! I’m glad she’s not replying to Jaxon

We finally get to the bottom of it all!!!!!!

Macy admits Jaxon is a vampire

Leah is one too!!!!

Flint is a dragon!!!!! CALLED IT

He’s got fire? With a name like flint how could he not PUKE

“Who needs LSD when you go to monster high?” Shut UP

Macy is a witch DUH

“You should have been one too”

CH 40: be careful what you witch for

GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THIS TITLE

Grace’s dad was a warlock but he lost his power when he fell for grace’s mom...oh no was their accident like a magical mafia hit??

“What kind of witch are you if you can’t do something an 11 year old can?” “the kind that doesn’t come from JK Rowling’s brilliant imagination”...THAT aged poorly…

“This is a less bloody version of game of thrones” shut UP

The school nurse bit her because jaxon used his vampire venom to heal her cut, and it worked too well so she needed to cut through the healed skin with her vampire teeth

Because this is twilight satire so of course they have venom…

“So vampires can just override each other’s venom?”

Most of the vamps would have had a hard time not draining you dry, but not jaxon

I absolutely called it: witches, vampires, dragons, and werewolves confirmed.

CH 41: Vampires dragon and werewolves, oh my

This physically hurts

She’s kind of categorizing the students now that she knows which is totally something i would do

God almighty is flint just a jacob clone…

CH 42: good thing pancakes aren’t on today’s menu

The chandelier is falling onto her and someone pushes her out of the way - it’s jaxon!

His eyes smolder at her

She dresses his cut on his head and his arm

“I wouldn’t have had to save you if you were in your room where i told you to be” he grinds the last part out through clenched teeth

He finally lays it out that someone has been getting her hurt on purpose

CH 43: what doesn’t kill you still scares the hell out of you

Her uncle wants to talk to her before she sees jaxon again and i smell an info dump coming

Dangerous af

“Macy told me she spilled all the tea” said her UNCLE with no hint of like “is that what you kids say these days”. GTFO

“I wait for the other shoe to drop even though 100 have already fallen” that’s not how that idiom works

She’s like “how could he think i wouldn’t figure it out i knew something was wrong” no ma’am! No you didn’t!! You kept shrugging it off until chapter 24 at the EARLIEST when you settled on aliens

Getting the tea on the turf war between dragons and vampires - so it’s not like twilight because it’s not the werewolves. Whatever.

Uncle says it was probably some witch who got too loose with her powers and grace is like yeah no absolutely no one is trying to kill me it was yet ANOTHER freak accident

Uncle wants to sent her back to cali

CH 44: Sweet home alaska

So she doesn’t wanna go because of jaxon, not because her only family in the world is in Alaska….

It’s only been a WEEK

“I know jaxon can be...seductive” says her UNCLE

the guys in the order are born vampires, not made, it’s a v big deal

Info dump city re how vampirism is a genetic mutation…

There are 6 ancient families of vampires...this all sounds like the first draft of my new wip where I was trying to figure out how the secret society worked…

Then he says he’s not in the habit of talking students with other students….we just did...this whole chapter…

Another earthquake???

Ch 45: I always knew there was fire between us, I just didn’t know it was your breath

Dude shut up

She goes to the library and wonders if the books about vampires etc would be under non fiction or biology lmao

The librarian is a native Alaskan with elemental magic….yikes

She does a weird eye swirling “you’re more than you think you are” thing to grace

Flints in the library and she asks him about dragons and I swear to god if we get a chapter devoted to learning about each species via info dump I will burn this place to the ground

He singes the marshmallow with his fire breath, loves it

And he can breathe ice? He cools the water down

He can bloom flowers in his hand????

“They’re beautiful” “you’re beautiful” “but I’m not hitting on you??”

Because when I hit on you, it’ll be because you want me to!!!!! We Stan flint!!!

Ch 46: I’ll get you and your little dog too

Enough

Dry throat around flint now, oh shiiiiiii

Oh shit the order is on the move!! There’s trouble

She chases them into a classroom and sees jaxon making shit fly everywhere with just his mind...is he a vampire and a witch??

There’s a werewolf vampire brawl

Damn jaxon can freeze everyone with his mind!

She tries to stop him but he’s put up a barrier

She breaks through!!!!

And jaxon bites cole!!!!!!! ALMOST KILLS COLE!!!!!!!!!!!

“This is your only warning”

CH 47: the first bite is the deepest

Jaxon pulls grace away, this whole time grace’s inner monologue is her feeling responsible for the carnage

“I won’t hurt you” “I know” “you know? do you have a death wish?”

But jaxon is so disgusted at himself that she's just like “well did he deserve to almost be killed?” She has accepted this shit with sociopathic speed

“The power you wield...it’s unfathomable” sis has turned the corner

“You don’t scare me jaxon”

They flipped the script and she breaks down his defenses and it’s kind of hot ngl

She tells him she needs him and he bites her??????

Ch 48: is that a wooden stake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

They’re getting worse

But it’s not a hurting bite it’s like a sex bite…like she describes an orgasm basically..

Then they kiss

The earthquakes are jaxon! Called it

At this point I am sooooo annoyed because just make him a witch!!!! We really wanted the twilight combo so badly we made him a telekinetic earth-shaking vampire?????????

They go to his room...and she goes to his drum kit instead of his bed, you dumb bitch

Now they’re talking in the bed

The jokes are just so fucking bad

He cuts them off by pulling her on top of him and kissing her!!! In bed!!!! We ain’t in twilight no more henny

“The kiss curls my toes but the yank curls everything else” wut

“I don’t want you anywhere near that world, and I sure as hell don’t want that world anywhere near you” - someone. Anyone. Take a second pass

~~~

[pelikinesis]

initial survey of The Last Jedi reactions complete

hmm, i have to rewatch the force awakens and then the last jedi in quick succession. i don’t quite understand some of the complaints regarding people acting out-of-character, but i didn’t rewatch TFA in preparation for the last jedi. it’s also the case that the complaints come from people who are considerably more invested in Poe and Finn than I am.

regarding the accusations of racism, it is worth noting that Rey and Luke have the very somber, quiet, tense storyline along with Kylo Ren. They’re all white. Star Wars is humorously pulpy in tone though, so all the humor rests on the shoulders of the other two plots, which are both filled with PoC. Leia and fancy unicorn replacement Leia (sorry i forget her name) are also involved in those plots, but they are also the no-nonsense superiors and, again, also white, so they aren’t ever the subjects of slapstick humor, meaning the aforementioned slapstick subjects are the PoC, and only the PoC (edit: except wait, no, there’s Hux, which I realize and get to later).

so one of the issues in TLJ is that there are 2-3 plots going on at any given time. I remember feeling exhausted after the first 15 minutes of the movie, but in a good way. I think they tried and did a decent job at pacing everything considering all the plot they were trying to cram into a single feature length film, but it’s basically like ‘hey imagine if Spiderman 3 had been less shitty but no less overstuffed with characters’.

so like, there was probably a way for finn and rose as characters to develop some sort of plausible romantic relationship. just, not in that movie. not in that amount of time. i’m also curious as to how much time, canonically, finn and rose were on that planet, because it was probably 20 minutes of screentime but felt like it was 20 minutes of realtime, which is kind of ridiculous.

but that’s also one of the reasons i didn’t think much at the time about characters being tased/stunned etc. Part of it is the general tone of the movie. During the stampede segment, those big animals were kool-aid manning through multiple walls in a crowded ass casino, so even though they just showed people comically being knocked over it’s reasonable to assume that people got absolutely stampeded and killed by rose and finn’s actions, but it’s okay because they’re degenerate gamblers and amoral arms-dealing war profiteers i guess? i mean, the serving staff and other workers weren’t. wouldn’t that make them collateral damage? so i cheerfully overlooked that and other violence and injury i intuitively categorized in the same way, including those tasing/stunning moments. perhaps i would feel differently, again, if i were more invested in Finn and Poe.

in retrospect, i do think Finn’s role in TLJ was disappointing considering his role in TFA, and that there might have been a way to have made it work better, but that would require more screentime. i liked the idea of the Finn and Rose subplot, but it got so little screentime it couldn’t really develop into anything besides a lot of random hectic shit. it was really only the end with the kids being inspired that really gave that segment any weight.

actually, i have to moderate the thing i said about slapstick above. Hux got a whole bunch of slapstick treatment and what happened to him was probably more brutal.

i also feel kind of bad for Mark Hamill once i read that he said he didn’t like the version of Luke he had to play. that sucks, but imo the character change makes sense and i like what it has to say. Luke bounced back from failure in the original trilogy, but the type of failure he faced afterwards was considerably different. I don’t know that there’s such a thing as universal resiliency--i think characters, and people for that matter, can be steadfast in the face of one type of adversity, and crumble under the power of another. the unique difficulty of being confronted with failure due to your own hubris is that there’s a built-in barrier towards regaining one’s own confidence, or trusting in the support of others towards that end.

it also makes Luke a very different kind of Jedi master than all the previous ones. I’m sure Mark Hamill would be happy to prove me wrong, but if Luke’s personality had remained mostly unchanged since the original trilogy, he would have been a pretty generic master. what tends to make Jedi masters interesting is that they’re Yoda, because it’s always Yoda, otherwise the characters rely on the gravitas imparted by the actor. 

So Qui-Gon Jinn was basically Jedi Jesus played by Liam Motherfucking Neeson, there’s your gravitas. Ewan McGregor’s Obi-Wan adds some sass to his Alec Guinness impression, well and good. And Samuel Jackson’s Mace Windu...well, look, I’m not gonna tell him he’s not a Jedi Master, and once we got to there i’m reminded that maybe this line of argument isn’t really all that important considering that Yoda is the only Jedi Master that doesn’t suffer from being only in the prequels. 

Alec Guiness’ Obi-Wan is so archetypical that, again, an unchanged Luke would have been an even nicer version of that, i think, and again i don’t know how interesting that would have been. Original Trilogy Luke was, or rather became, a hero. If that same Luke was in the newest trilogy, there would be no need for Rey, or Poe, or Finn. A mentor character has to have some attribute or reason why they can’t just be the hero instead. A reason the hero has to step up. So something about Luke would have had to change anyways, though then again it could’ve just been ‘hey I’m too old for this shit’, but again, i found bitter troll Luke very interesting and the character i identified  the most with tbh. So I imagine that affects my evaluation of the character’s portrayal to some significant degree.