#but add a bit of Brad for spice!

[textsfromthetva]

*blows kiss* for the Brad girlies (gender neutral)

Title: Team-Building Activities

Series: Workplace Policies and Procedures

Pairing: Loki x Mobius x Brad Wolfe x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word count: 9,7k

Summary: Brad is turning out to be a very uncooperative prisoner. Luckily, you have some ideas on how to get around that problem.

Warnings: Rough sex, choking, misuse of TVA technology for sex purposes, edging, sub!Brad, Dom!everyone else, my particular brand of purple prose, a truly disturbing lack of proof reading.

Excerpt:

“So, what’s the plan?” you ask, making a point of eating another spoonful of pie.

“Torture!” Loki replies chipperly.

“Light torture,” Mobius corrects.

You blink, swallowing what will definitely be your last mouthful of that dreadful pie. “I suppose we could do that,” you say.

“We’ll make a show of it, work in a bit of subterfuge,” Loki explains. “It’ll definitely work.”

You nod a couple of times. “Yeah, probably... Can I make a suggestion that doesn’t involve torture?”

Mobius and Loki exchange a look. Mobius is the one to speak: “What are you thinking?”

AO3 link

[specificallybruins]

Worth It

Prompt by @sphesphe: Krej doing mixology and inventing new drinks 😁

Sorry it took me a little bit but here ya go, I'm not too sure if this is 100% what you want but I hope you like it :D

David enjoys being behind the bar. He likes finding things to do with his hands, listening to the ambience and picking up every piece of gossip he can hear. However, right now it is past closing time, and no one else is in the bar lounge at the moment, not yet anyway. Preparing a glass to busy his hands, he remembers what it was like when he first came to Boston. Speaking barely a lick of English, just looking for a fresh start far away from his home country of Czechia. He was lucky to have found Zdeno and having been allowed to open The Garden on Bruins home turf. So yeah, he knows what it was like to come into a brand-new environment and make the weirdest most loyal and bloodthirsty bunch of friends. He has often been asked if coming to the U.S. to open a bar/club was worth it, and at most times he would say yes. He doesn't know what it must be like for Brad. For his first night in Boston, in the middle of an alleyway scrapping with drunk bullies way bigger than him, only to get picked up and dragged to the bar by the scruff of his neck by Zdeno. He was tough for a smaller man, fighting the whole way back to The Garden, denying first aid despite his bleeding nose and bruised lip, all while mouthing off until Bergy gave him his most potent sad disappointed eyes. And from that night Brad became their lawyer, their get-out-of-holding free card, their bail. It's only been a year and now he doesn't know what life with the Bruins would be without Brad. David is not a man of many words. He shows his feelings, messages, through actions. So, on the one-year anniversary when he first met their feisty little squirrel, he's waiting for Brad to come out of the meeting with Bergy on taxes. Eugh. 5 more minutes. 5 more minutes til he comes out according to Patrice. He hopes Marchy would enjoy what he had prepared. He did spend days trying to figure out what type of drink would best describe Marchy. He ended up with something simple: a Nectarine Gin Cocktail, fine-tuned by adding just a pinch of cinnamon. A sweet mixture with a hint of spice. He mashes up some ginger and adds it to a tall glass along with some honey, elderflower syrup and cinnamon along with some gin and stirred the mixture. The chilled glass he prepared is so clean it looks like it's shining on its own. He shovels some ice into the glass, making a soft clinking noise. Music to his ears. He then pours the mixture into the glass and adds in the tonic. Finally, adding a sprig of mint as a garnish and he's done. One minute. He puts the finished drink onto a coaster and pulls out the creme brûlée he made the night before from the fridge and onto a plate. Upon hearing the door to the lounge open, he proceeds to dramatically salt-bae some sugar on top. Soft snickers from two distinct voices come toward him. He pulls out the blowtorch and starts browning the sugar. "Krej, what's all this?" He hears Brad ask. He looks up to see an amused but confused face. "Well, it's been a year since we dragged you in here kicking and screaming, and you dealt with our bullshit and weird law-aversion. So it's only fair to thank you for sticking around and handling our tax evasion for us. It's yours, hope you enjoy it." Watching Brad's face light up and Patrice looking on fondly, he would definitely agree it is most worth it coming to Boston.

Well I hope you enjoyed it. It kinda could use some fine-tuning but :pppppp I really need to pick writing back up lmao

[sizzlingpatrolfox]

Exactly. I feel Sus sometimes seeing jikook moments but I'm not hardcore jikooker. I adore their bond, they're pretty close in the group but taekook I didn't felt anything Sus & Tkkrs were annoying to me initially as time passed on I'm laughing at their narratives & tbh their theories became boring too. I think this new chapter shows different side of members wrt work & probably this shipping thing dies down a little? But I didn't get one thing, if members are on camera doing anything it is related to work right? Then why people think as far as dating? & No I'm not homophobic here, I think in a way like it's their profession right why would they bring personal/ private lives infront of millions? something that confuses me n ik I won't get answer 😅! Anyway, your blog is nice, keep going 💜

Right? They are so annoying and yeah, that's so true their theories are boring and repetitive and the worst of it all is that they don't even make sense.

I hope a new chapter will begin. I'm so tired of the nonsense with ships too and frankly at this point I'll just be okay if members don't even interact with each other. I'm honestly kind of been "tired" with jikook for the same reason. For a lot of time in 2020 and 2021 I just hoped they wouldn't even look at each other. Maybe 2022 will be the year.

It's okay, I don't believe you're homophobic. I think it's the same way actors fall in love with each other while they're filming a movie. It's work for them, too; but feelings don't know about "work". I've fallen in love with friends, with classmates. I wasn't planning on it happening, but it did. Tom Holland and Zendaya have been dating pretty much on and off since the first spiderman movie, and they didn't say it back then but their fans already knew. Before them, Andrew Grandfield and Emma Stone fell in love while filming spiderman too. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt fell in love while filming Mr and Mrs Smith (and just because, I wanna add that Angelina is a confirmed bisexual and that there have been rumours about Brad Pitt liking men too). Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron fell in love while filming high school musical.. I could go on forever, but you know what I mean.

With bands, we don't know about it that much or maybe it doesn't happen as often as with actors, but it happens in bands too. I think it's messier with bands, tho. Because you're too much time together and there are people who love spending all that time together, but most people feel it's a burden and the relationship doesn't work out. Also, men love casual sex a bit more than women. Like, it might seem dumb but I just can't ignore that fact. So men will prefer touring and maybe hooking up with women (or other men ofc) in every city the play in, and not commit to a relationship. Zayn Malik from one direction was officially dating Perrie Edwards back in like 2011, 2012, and he was still having sex with other women in every country One Direction would play in. Boys will be boys, I guess. And I guess that's why we don't often see committed relationships within bands.

This doesn't mean they don't hook up with each other, tho. People in bands hook up with each other sooo much. I'm pretty sure John Lennon used to hook up with another Beatles. Like two years ago a spice girl said she and another spice girl hooked up a couple of times in hotels while they were touring. Friends having sex without taking it to a relationship also happens A LOT. It has happened to me. It doesn't have to be messy and you can totally keep going with your life after that, if both of you don't want to turn it into something more.

Then there's the more rare, but not unheard-of cases of people getting married inside the band. The only ones I know the names of are Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham (the name can be deceiving but he's a man) from Fleetwood Mac. They played together in the band and they fell in love and they got married. Then they got divorced and wrote a whole album about it and continued with the band and touring. At least they could still work together for some time after the divorce.

So, yeah. I think people......shippers..... See something romantic in the relationship of two people and, obviously taking Jungkook and Jimin as an example, they just happen to be idols. It could be that they've fallen in love the same as actors fall in love with each other all the time. It could be that they're just two guys who hook up sometimes or have hooked up. It could be they are in a committed official relationship (at least to those around them).

I hope this made sense to you, and if there's anything else you would like to talk about, you can always ask about it, no worries!

[darling-i-read-it]

hiii! so I have a vigilante/adrian chase request I'd like to share. also, the reader's role in this is kinda inspired by margot robbie's take on sharon tate from "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood." (you'll see what I mean, hopefully)

so I was wondering if you could do a vigilante/adrian chase x fem!reader oneshot in which Y/N's happens to be local famous actress and just so happens to be with THE vigilante. she also, to everyone's surprise, has a child with him. people were quick to be shocked because vigilante's well....vigilante and she's THE Y/N. famous for her own starring roles. she's a bit outgoing, likes to have her fun and loves vinyls 24/7. and yes, she knows of her own partner's "work" and of course identity but that doesnt stop her from loving him any less. when he's not working, he's the adorable and insanely fun stay-at-home dad and is loving towards his girl.

one night, he comes home to them both and has a talk with Y/N about being a bit insecure, not only because of what he does for a living but whenever he's mentioned by people whenever Y/N's out for another role, people are quick to criticize the fact that "oh he kills for a living", "how can he hold a woman like her", and the most bothering, "he's a dad? how could he be? look at him". but she's quick to think that she doesnt care about what they have to say about adrian because that's her adrian, the one she adores. just some good fluff and cute moments between the two, adrian being an adorable father and maybe to top it off....some spice?? but yea! pls? thank you. :)

Hello omg this is SO CUTE I loved writing for ouatih (brads character of course since sharon was real lol) and love the idea of kinda mixing the vibes together. And I think the popularity of the two of them clashing >>>>>

I will add it to the list and see what I can do!

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael in the Mainstream: The Nostalgia Critic

I have been a fan of the Nostalgia Critic for years now. That’s a rather controversial stance to take nowdays, especially in light of recent controversies; first was the big #ChangeTheChannel movement which had the entire site sans Brad Jones performing a mass exodus elsewhere with some even going so far as to brutally cut ties with Doug for his and managements failings (with Alison Pregler, AKA Obscurus Lupa offering some especially harsh words). Then was this year’s review of The Wall, where he utilized his divisive clipless style and his complete lack of a good singing voice to create what is hands down one of the worst videos – not even just review, VIDEOS – on YouTube. But even with those two things aside, I do think there is some value to the work of Doug Walker. He became popular for a reason, right? So what is that reason? Where did he go wrong?

Doug Walker began doing his Nostalgia Critic schtick in the wake of James Rolfe’s Angry Video Game Nerd becoming an internet icon, and he quickly became one of the bigger faces in the wake of imitators Rolfe spawned. The conceit of his show is rather simple – he reviews nostalgic movies, mostly stuff from the 80s or 90s, with occasional forays into the 2000s – all while parodying the typical internet film critic much as Rolfe parodied the typical nerd gamer. The Critic, you see, is not necessarily Doug, but instead a hyperactive psychotic manchild version of himself who screeches, shoots, and curses up a storm while reviewing movies. It wasn’t too different from other review shows at the time, really, but Doug had a sort of corny charm that really worked.

As time went on, production values slowly increased, Doug’s humor sharpened, and eventually actual thoughtful film analysis crept in, especially in the post-reboot episodes. In fact, that is something I generally like about Doug’s work, and why I even bother with him still: the man clearly has an understanding of film theory, he knows what he’s talking about, and when he takes the time to sit down and actually talk about movies he’s actually pretty insightful. I think of his reviews of stuff like Ghostbusters 2,where he actually gave a genuinely great alternate plotline for the film that would have better utilized the concepts and characters, or any of his numerous video essays on film issues like whitewashing. When it’s Doug just sitting down and talking about a film while cracking jokes here and there, it tends to be really good.

However, Doug has increasingly wanted to add some spice to his reviews in the forms of skits. And it’s not like there never were bits in his reviews back in the day, but post-revival He ramped up the amount of skits, utilizing a cast of friends, with the current mainstays being Malcolm Ray and Tamara Chambers. I do sort of like the weird cast of characters the show has amassed, and I think they really help give the show an identity to set it apart from other review shows. Malcolm and Tamara are honestly, genuinely funny and enjoyable, though the writing doesn’t always play to their skills and can sometimes be a bit obnoxious. I think I’d have to say Malcolm is probably my favorite of the bunch, as he has the wackiest roster of amusing characters, with roles such as Satan, Black Willy Wonka, and good ol’ Bill. And some of his best reviews have crazy skits. His Moulin Rouge review is a standout example; even if I don’t agree with his opinions, he manages to make the musical interludes fun, funny, and actually filled with some sort of commentary relating to the film.

I think the real issues with the skits is they sometimes bog down the reviews or go on for a bit too long.  Some of them also just plain aren’t funny at all, or they use really bottom of the barrel cringeworthy comedy that the Critic himself has criticized in his reviews. Of course, the pinnacle of these problems are his clipless reviews, which are basically just Doug and pals reenacting whatever movie he’s reviewing. On paper, this seems like a fun and amusing idea, but the execution is often extremely poor. See, the thing about the Nostalgia Critic is that you’re ostensibly going to him to see criticism and see if something is worth watching; the thing with his clipless reviews is that they require intimate familiarity with the source material for you to even get half of the jokes he’s making, which kind of defeats the point. This is one of the reasons his review of The Wall is so terrible; he’s taking a film that is incomprehensible and surreal and parodying it without explaining the context, so anyone unfamiliar with the movie will be lost.

And even if you are familiar, a lot of the parody can come off as mean-spirited or even filled with blatant lies. Doug has a tendency to overexaggerate and be hyperbolic when he’s in-character, so if he finds a serious flaw in the movie he’ll blow it up in his parody. His reviews of the It films really showcase this, as he sort of nitpicks things that really aren’t as big a deal as he makes them out to be, which has the unfortunate side effect of making his legitimate criticisms look a bit weaker. In fact, a lot of the time Doug comes off as genuinely hypocritical, mocking tropes and tools he himself frequently utilizes in his own reviews. It’s so weird, because despite all this as well as the cheap special effects and production values that Doug is clearly putting a lot of effort into acting out all these wacky parodies, but he just can’t act and criticize at the same time. At the very least, his clipless reviews lend themselves well to unintentionally hilarious, so bad it’s good territory.

I think a lot of why the clipless reviews and skits don’t work is because of Doug’s lingering resentment over the failure of Demo Reel, which was him trying to branch out after he retired the Critic. Of course had to fall back on the Critic; Demo Reel was not very popular, and people just wanted more of what Made Doug famous. I do like that he did try stuff to spice his show up to make it enjoyable for him again, but it’s still hard not to get the sense that Doug is still bitterly lashing out with his skits at the people who wouldn’t accept him branching out into attempts at legitimate acting. As such, they just feel like empty, over the top garbage that Doug is pushing out because he really wants to act, but he feels like he can’t because what people want is more Critic.

I guess in general it doesn’t help that Doug is just not a great actor. Just look at his performances in the anniversary movies, which horribly clash with the whiny manchild the Critic is portrayed as in the main show, orr even during some of the commercial skits he does, where he tends to overact or just get too childish and hammy. It’s so obvious to me that Doug really wants to be a legitimate actor but he just doesn’t seem to have the aptitude for it. He’s a lot better at comedy and criticism than he is at acting. Of course, that’s not to say he’s incapable of doing anything good; his review of that 3D Nutcracker movie, and in fact a lot of his more modern Christmas-related reviews, have some genuinely touching and heartfelt moments, and when Doug is staying true to the goofy, idiotic character of the Critic he can be really fun.

The Nostalgia Critic is not really a show I think I can recommend to most people. Hell, sometimes I feel like I only watch it because of, ahem, nostalgia. I definitely don’t think the show is void of good content, but when Doug drops something like The Wall, it makes me wonder… Still, I like to stick around, because when Doug hits it, he hits it out of the park. The problem is when he fails, he tends to fail in the most epic manner possible. He’s like that one bat in EarthBound which is super powerful but misses a lot, but when it hits, your opponent is pretty sure to get knocked out. I think a lot of Doug’s failings are carried by his supporting cast, and the flaws in his writing are only easy to swallow because of the genuine insights he offers. There’s just a lot to take into consideration when it comes to the Critic, it’s really hard to say if he’s good or bad. He just… is.

I definitely think some of what Doug does is bad and cringeworthy (I really can’t defend those sketches in the Deadpool 2 review or those awful Kermit puppets), but I think beneath the cringiness, beneath the overdone acting, and beneath the flaws, there are some good insights to be found about films and why they do and don’t work. I of course don’t agree with everything Doug says, but there is still genuine thought and effort. I don’t really know if I can say he’s worth going out of your way to watch, but popping in now and then to check out what Doug has to say isn’t a bad thing. I kind of wish he would go back to doing those video essays again, because I think that was some of his best work, or maybe stick to only reviewing stuff that he has some sort of genuine connection with. When he is really passionate about something, it really shows, because he puts care and effort into the analysis and is able to tell some genuinely good jokes in between snarking at the film. When he just doesn’t care… you get The Wall review. Yeah, that’s pretty much my go-to for awful Doug reviews, becauseit is emblematic of every single problem that has come to plague his worst efforts: lack of care, bad writing, crappy production values, overdone and overacted skits, manipulative editing, and zero insight into the film.

Still, as cringeworthy as he can get these days… I’ll take this version of Doug over the Bat Credit Card/Chuck Norris/Burger King “elephant”/forced meme version of Doug from his early days.

I’m Michael Ford. I remember the Nostalgia Critic so you don’t have to.

[thesinglesjukebox]

DUA LIPA - PHYSICAL

[7.50]

It's okay! Move that boogie body!

Leah Isobel: It is a dark and stormy night. In a sinister science lab located somewhere in Carmen Sandiego's plush pomo lair, a pop singer plugs in a neon light, shrugs into a next-season Gaultier lab coat and gets to work. In the reflection of her gold-tinted goggles we see her add one (1) part Extract of "Into You," one (1) part Juice of Newton-John, and four (4) drops of Synthesizer Spice into a contoured beaker. She turns on the flame of a Bunsen burner; stream gushes from her concoction like a geyser, emitting a high, keening refrain. She whispers a few luscious words into the steam -- "diamond," "sssimulation," "adrenaline" -- but her experiment still lacks a certain something. Then -- BOOM! -- in a thundercrash of lightning, it hits her. Eureka! She turns and sees her reflection illuminated in the glass of an emergency axe container, kept onsite in case of fire. "Well," she chuckles to herself as she breaks the glass with a four-inch stiletto heel, "I am creating something... hot." Axe in hand, she chops the neon light into pieces and stuffs the shards, now glittering like a million sequined dancefloors, into the beaker. With the addition of this Decoction of Disco, her potion bubbles... it burbles... then KABOOM: it explodes the entire building and half of the surrounding city! She stands in the wreckage as thunder splits the sky above and sirens wail in the distance. We see Dua's eyes glow green before she throws her head back to the sky and screams: "GAY RIIIIIGHTS!" [9]

William John: Probably the best example of what parts of the Internet's stan culture would facetiously refer to as "gay rights" from a mainstream musical artist since... the last Dua Lipa single, or, failing that, "Into You." Like those precedents, "Physical" is camp but magisterial; playful but extremely melodramatic; sweeping, dance floor ready, and dripping with an exultant swagger. Her reminder to "hold on, just a little tighter" at the bridge is, truthfully, a hollow gesture; at that stage, the listener is so deeply embroiled in her glorious disco caprice as to not really be capable of gripping anything at all. [10]

Jackie Powell: It couldn't be clearer that Dua Lipa had something to prove not only to herself, but to the pop music intelligentsia on her sophomore offering. What has struck me most about the Future Nostalgia cycle is how Dua is executing every facet of it with confidence. On this track, she's not afraid of hitting notes that eclipse the breadth of her previous singles, especially on the bridge. "Physical" is a representative offering of exactly what she's aiming to prove. Each track we've heard so far reflects a different decade accompanied with a modern polish. I don't think I'm the only one who believes Olivia Newton-John's '80s exercise sexual metaphor smash "Physical" deserves the tribute it's getting here. There's a clear homage paid to her and to Patti LaBelle on Lipa's own "Physical." I'm going to interpret her lyric "We created something phenomenal" as a bit of a double-entendre. Not only is it about sex in the narrative of the track, but it's a comment on Lipa's approach to this era and her confidence on every single part of it. The sexual symbolism isn't just in the lyrics, but also in the track's composition and the narrative communicated in the visual treatment. The vocal highs that she hits on the bridge represent a climax musically and sexually. She has so much confidence in the visual treatment, she spends most of it braless. That takes guts. [9]

Tobi Tella: Dua Lipa's perceived lack of personality has turned out to actually be lack of a schtick preventing her from artistically evolving, something many of her peers are plagued with. Also, I've died and gone to gay heaven. [9]

Alfred Soto: The way Dua Lipa's unexpected bon mots and smoky sultriness ride the beat and compete with the strings compensate for a production too dressed up in leg warmers and headbands for my taste -- I mean, her exhortations are more fearsome than erotic. [7]

Julian Axelrod: Pop's '80s revival arms race has escalated to its natural endpoint: the accidental exhumation of Olivia Newton-John. I wish Dua Lipa had used "let's get physical" in a more literal iteration; singing it over hyperdrive synths guarantees it'll be never played in its intended setting, especially when she has half the energy of ONJ. But she hit the mark where it counts: This is going to rule spin classes for the rest of the year. [6]

Brad Shoup: A throwback training-montage track that suggests sex but is really about dancing and Olivia Newton-John erasure. This is Stranger Things pop. [5]

Thomas Inskeep: Sex is natural, sex is fun, sex is best when soundtracked by throbbing '80s synths. [6]

Ashley Bardhan: Okay, fine, I enjoy horny music. Sue me! This song is what would happen if ABBA was brought back to life as a bunch of hot 20-year-olds in little shirts from Fashion Nova. The "let's get physical" chorus feels a little lazy since it's a direct lift from Olivia Newton-John's 1981 hit, but this is a great song to listen to while thinking about that video of Charli XCX holding poppers. No complaints here. [7]

Alex Clifton: I've underestimated Dua Lipa. Her first album had some hits and misses, but Future Nostalgia is shaping up to be one of the best pop releases of 2020 based on the strength of its singles. "Physical" is a cascade of rainbow lights in a roller rink and makes me long to go out to a club, one where I can get down in a huge crowd of people and dance my white-girl ass off poorly. I'm an extreme introvert, so anything that makes me want to leave the house and be around strangers is powerful stuff indeed. It's a little cheesy, but who cares? It's a love letter to the '80s with all the campiness a song citing Olivia Newton-John should have. I'm desperately in love with Dua Lipa after hearing this, and I have a feeling "Physical" will be one of my favourite songs of the year. [9]

Stephen Eisermann: Dua Lipa has quietly become the pop superstar that so many of us wanted Carly Rae to be. Both women make incredible music, but it is Dua who has found commercial success; after hearing "Physical," it seems pretty obvious why. It's a retro-laden, power-pop track that is extraordinary only in the way Dua delivers it. What should be pedestrian instead is hypnotic, infectious, and oh so delicious. [8]

Lauren Gilbert: I promised a friend I'd blurb this song, and now that I've sat down to write it, I have nothing to say. It is a perfect pop song -- Dua knocks it out of the park on this record. I keep getting distracted from writing jamming to the track. I'm dancing while lying down on my couch. She created something phenomenal; we are left with no choice but to stan. [10]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: I've justified Dua Lipa's dearth of personality in years past, but this is where things don't add up: her dead-eyed singing makes no sense during the chorus, whose synths lack the fervor to make up for clinical vocal melodies. Around this time last year, we had Lizzo's "Juice"; now we have "Physical" as an example of '80s pastiche that only feels like it exudes energy and passion and charm. [2]

Will Adams: It's neat to have a single that's its own Initial Talk remix, but the synthpop revivalism is a bit too literal, to the point of putting all its chips on an Olivia Newton-John quote. It's not until the bridge -- "keep on DANCING!" -- where the drama locks in and starts, but only starts, to feel real. [6]

Kylo Nocom: Dua Lipa, determined more than ever to win the Popjustice £20 Music Prize, accidentally transforms into Alice Chater in the process. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: If "Physical" being by Dua Lipa wasn't hypertargeted enough to the Popjustice set, is that the synth progression from Saint Etienne's "No Cure for the Common Christmas" in the intro and beneath the chorus? It's certainly the same height of drama. The track attached isn't quite so charged: a little too Lady Gaga circa "Applause" and a little too Peloton instructor quoting Olivia Newton-John for absolutely no reason besides the culture deciding at some point to make the phrase a permanent, meaningless meme. (The song doesn't even sound particularly '80s; the disco strings are the decade prior, and the vocal squiggles on the verse are so specifically 2016 a time traveler's on their way to erase them.) Dua Lipa only betrays a personality on the spoken-word bridge; ironic how that and the vaporous intro, the least physical things on this track, are the most thrilling. [7]

Vikram Joseph: The intro feels like a prickling at the back of your neck, the one-line pre-chorus feels like plummeting six floors in a broken elevator, and the chorus is such a headrush you can practically smell the poppers: "Physical"'s thrills might be straightforward, but they're visceral as fuck. There are vintage Lady Gaga vibes, the "come on!"s are surely a nod to "We Are Your Friends," and the whole thing reminds me, inexplicably, of Bon Jovi's "It's My Life." But Dua Lipa is starting to make this all seem effortless, and the panache with which she delivers "Physical" easily pulls it clear of the gravitational field of its forebears. [9]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: "Physical" dares us to be the boldest versions of ourselves. It finds itself at the perfect intersection of confidence and lust. Dua Lipa is flirting with you with a playfulness she can only possess because she already knows you're going home together -- and she won't let you leave until the dancing is done. Dancing here is instinct, it's synths that sound as sweet as they do sinister, it's salty like the sweat that rolls down your forehead after you've been, well, physical. Dua Lipa is crushing the Confessions on a Dance Floor album that I've long been waiting for Lady Gaga to make. Dance floor music has long been my site of refuge and catharsis, so it's refreshing to be reminded that it can still sound so immediately, eminently thrilling. [9]

Kayla Beardslee: This doesn't quite reach the heights of "Don't Start Now," but damn it comes close. "Physical" should, in theory, be a cookie-cutter pop girl release, but Dua proves once again that she is the most important element in her music. The producers are doing everything right too, but who else could pull off her endearing smirk in "common love isn't for us" or that wonderful growl in "follow the noise"? And Dua takes us through a transcendental bridge that highlights the best qualities of her voice: singing simple lyrics that say everything they need to, she's breathless yet confident, desperate for touch yet satisfied with the musical world she's helped to create. Something phenomenal, indeed: this rollout has been a joy to follow. [9]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: "Physical" takes the opposite approach to "Don't Start Now" -- while that song's studio version swallows up its singer in a beautifully constructed, sterile disco pastiche (the live versions and remixes are much better), turning her into just one more retro cog, "Physical" makes her the center of attention. The production around her is good enough (the synth preset change right before the chorus starts is especially nice), but not particularly coherent or hooky on its own. In the vacuum left, Dua gets to have more fun, charismatically switching between vocal styles and walking around like she owns the place. [8]

Jibril Yassin: A powerhouse vocal colliding headfirst with production that's neither plodding nor limp. It's a song that's meant to feel like a blockbuster and after a few failed tries, it's thrilling to hear Dua Lipa finally nail the landing and sound like the superstar she wants to be. [7]

Michael Hong: "Physical" is magnetic. Its pulse is unrelenting, its atmosphere is shadowy and captivating, and Dua Lipa gives possibly her best vocal performance. There's no sense of the up-and-coming performer who delivered everything with stolid execution, instead, "Physical" is a sly wink of a pre-chorus leading to a forceful command: "baby, keep on dancing like you ain't got a choice." Dua Lipa is at the helm, all thoughts and any other desires are out the window, and the night is neverending. [7]

Joshua Lu: Several of Dua Lipa's past hit songs have relied on a marketable veneer of cool: "New Rules" works because she's the straight-talker friend giving advice, "Don't Start Now" necessitates a stoic character who can't be bothered to fret about her ex, and even on collaborations like "One Kiss" does Dua employ a rather unemotional voice, like she's a blank canvas for Calvin Harris' more playful and engaging production. "Physical" feels like such a departure for Dua not just because of its obvious throwback sound, but because this veneer of cool is completely torn down when the song reaches its rushing chorus. She sounds more and more desperate as her voice climbs and the synths soar above her, and her cries of "come on" ring as desperate instead of dominant. The song is indebted to pop titans of yesteryears (Olivia Newton-John obviously inspired the title, but the theatrics of the song feel more indebted to Bonnie Tyler or Patti Labelle) to the point of it not really feeling like a Dua song, but she sells it all so convincingly that it feels like a natural fit. It's part pop song, part epic showdown, and I look forward to Dua continuing to push herself to the forefront of mainstream pop music greatness. [9]

Scott Mildenhall: Little wonder that Lipa's so keen to get physical, given that she's "dreaming in a simulation" -- her focus seems to be on the former, since the latter exemplifies the aimlessness of the verses in comparison to the locked-and-loaded chorus. That has its thrills, yet never feels as loose as seems intended. "Physical" comes across too in love with the idea of being a kind of Perfect Pop to actually be it; an anthem for kinetics developed via science textbook. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[thenervouscook]

Nervous Cooking: An Intro and How To

Hello there. I’m a nervous cook. I hate wasting food. I don’t like being bad at things. I have a very complicated relationship with food, thanks to an eating disorder.

In short, I often feel daunted in the kitchen, have felt that a lot of recipes gatekeep information and make it hard to me to feel like cooking is accessible and fun.

I like food. I love the idea of cooking. With the help of some nice people I know, I’m making good progress into enjoying the kitchen, and playing around making things and swatting away the dreadful pretentiousness, snobbishness, and pomposity that sullies what is supposed to be a joyous, wholesome, and ultimately tasty activity.

So where to start? Before we get to sharing recipes, let’s have a breakdown of what we’re trying to do for ourselves, before we even turn the oven on.

How do we become less nervous in when cooking?

1. Put some music on.

There’s nothing as daunting as standing in your kitchen with a recipe open, feeling like you’re already set for failure before you’ve even begun. So with that, put some good tunes on. You might have to turn the volume down occasionally as it is distracting you too much from the task at hand, but honestly, set yourself up for a good time.

Hall & Oates are great for making your meal with.

2. Read the recipe first. Maybe read it a few times.

Too often, I’ve started cooking and followed the recipe as a go, only to find that the person who wrote the recipe can smash out some sauce in 40 seconds while it takes me ages to do, while I burn my onions in the process. 

Reading the recipe first enables you to plan for any tricky moments where you feel unsure, or indeed, helps you to work out how to re-word something that might confusing rather than having to translate it when you’re in the middle of cooking something.

Recently, I made something that said “add 100ml of stock”, which wasn’t included in the recipe itself - reading it through before setting off meant that I didn’t have a nervous breakdown halfway through.

3. Prep the ingredients

Foodies call it ‘mise en place’ - don’t worry about foreign phrases yet, we won’t be using them here and we’ll probably do a translation of cooking terms at some point. These phrases are perfectly fine to use if you know what you’re doing, but of course, when you’re a nervous cook, your brain can go “AAAAAAAAAARGH I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS AND I’M ALREADY TALKING MYSELF OUT OF COOKING AND I MAY AS WELL JUST GO TO THE CHIPPIE”.

Calm down. It’s all good. Maybe we’ll do a glossary of terms later, so we can understand what these people are talking about.

Don’t worry. Mise en place basically means getting everything ready before you start, like they do on the telly. You’ve seen a TV chef saying “add half a tablespoon of paprika’, and they just tip it out of a little bowl, rather than measuring out while the pan’s on? It’s that.

So, if you’re making a curry and the recipe says that 4 spices are all getting thrown in at the same time, then measure them out first, put it in a bowl, or a little glass dish you’ve saved from when you ate a fancy yoghurt that came in a glass thing rather than a plastic pot, or even a cleaned out plastic yoghurt pot - it literally doesn’t matter - you measure them out, throw them all into a thing, and when the time comes to add them to your cooking, you can lob them in the pan without thinking about it, because you did the groundwork before the stress of the timer.

And ‘mise en place’ will not be used again on this blog, because there’s no need really.

4. Convert American measurements in advance

If you’ve found a recipe that looks ace on an American site, you’ll soon find out they measure everything differently. They have a ‘cups’ system. 1 cup is 128g or 4.5 oz.

If your scales are accurate enough to measure 128g exactly, go nuts. If not, take the time to find another recipe that has measured things out in a way that is more useful to you. If you have the money, have a look online and buy something cheap that measures out in American cups. 

Just don’t get caught on the hop while you’re in the middle of cooking your tea and get yourself worked up.

5. You can still eat a cock-up

American writer Hanif Abdurraqib said: “I'm not normally one for baking — I get that it is mostly all about the following of instructions, but I think that has always made the task more daunting for me and my many anxieties. If I failed, that failure would be speaking to some greater inability, or it might tell me something about myself. But, my anxieties, though busy as ever, aren't very interested in whether or not I fail at the moment. Also, I have such a low bar for edible desserts. Even a failed baked good is still a baked good worth consuming, in my home.”

That’s one of the golden things good cooks never share - even when you mess up, chances are, you can still eat it. Set your bar low. Don’t tip it in the bin because you’ve failed or because it looks like a mess.

I made a banoffee pie, and was worried I was going to balls it up, because I’m rubbish at whisking. Talking to a very talented chef I know, she said “don’t bin it - mix it up and call it Banoffee Eton Mess style!”

That was a very important lesson to learn - if it doesn’t work out perfectly, then re-brand the fucker and eat it anyway.

6. Follow good food people and ignore perfectionists if you want

A lot of broadsheet food writers and TV chefs are perfectionists, and don’t share their mistakes. When they appear on TV, they’re often berating some poor amateur cook for messing up their flans or whatever, because they’ve entered a talent show like Great British Bake Off, Masterchef, or whatever.

Ignore all that if you want, or if it puts pressure on you. It’s just you in your kitchen, making something to eat. Doesn’t matter if it looks like a road accident when you put it on your plate, as long as it tastes good.

Everyone’s Instagram accounts only show you their successes, so you can write those off too, if they’re doing your head in.

That said, there’s good people out there who will show you short-cuts, things to not worry about, and enjoy food that looks like an absolute mess. David Chang is a good chef to follow - on his Instagram, he cooked chicken thighs in a plastic bag in the microwave ‘round his mums, and has a show called Ugly Delicious where the focus is about getting rid of the pointless rules and aesthetic bollocks that stops a lot of people from wanting to cook.

Brad Leone at Bon Appetite is another good egg - he’s very much a ‘bung it in, that should be alright shouldn’t it?’ type of cook. Very unpretentious. Good fun. Pronounces the word ‘water’ funnily.

7. Focus on flavour, not aesthetics

I talked to someone who knows a lot of professional chefs, and they told me the difference between restaurant food and what we cook at home is the delicious but disgusting amounts of salt and butter they put in everything. Like, you’ll use a splodge of butter in your food, and a pro chef will stick a whole pack in. 

Season the crap out of everything too. Keep tasting it as you go along - you’re not a pro kitchen who has to worry about sticking a spoon in your mouth and then returning it straight to the pan.

When a recipe says 2 cloves of garlic, and you know you love garlic, sod it, put 3 or 4 in.

If you’re nervous about making your food too salty, for example, then just follow the recipe to the letter, and then when you serve it up later, if it needs more, just whack a load on as a booster at the end. It’s cool.

8. Don’t worry about having loads of gear

You might read some recipes that ask you to pulverise something in a food processor and you might not have one. If you can afford the gear, fine, go wild. If not, see what the alternatives are. You might be able to do it by hand, or you might be able to cheat by buying some pre-mixed stuff. Cheating is good. Don’t worry yourself.

If you’re bad at mincing garlic, just buy a tube of garlic paste. The only people who would judge that are terrible people, and terrible people don’t deserve your cooking.

9. Worst case scenario

You’ve burned your food. You’ve used salt instead of sugar. The whole thing has gone so badly that it is inedible. You feel defeated and annoyed at yourself. You swear you’ll never cook again.

It’s okay to wallow for a bit, but remember this - if you angrily sling everything in the bin and walk to the chip shop or Maccies - a Big Mac or chips pie and gravy is still a 10 out of 10 meal to have. In terms of you eating, you’ve not failed yourself.

Get stuck into your nuggets meal and enjoy them, and you’ll remember to not put salt in, instead of sugar next time.

10. Give yourself a break

Chefs, foodies, and cooks often forget to tell you what it feels like to not know how to cook. That makes sense - they’ve been practising for ages.They’re at a certain level, and assume the person they’re talking to is at a certain level too. 

When they casually say “knock up a quick roux” and you’re not sure what a roux even is, that’s okay - you can either stop listening to them, and watch a YouTube video about what a roux is, how to make one, and what they’re for... or you can carry on watching your show and just have a holiday in someone else’s good skills.

I can play guitar quite well, but I don’t hear a blistering solo on a Steely Dan record and think ‘well, I may as well throw my guitar into the street’ - I can pootle along on mine, while enjoying someone else who is better at a thing than I am. Try and do the same with food shows. You can always turn them off if they’re making you feel depressed - you don’t owe anyone shit.

Remember how grateful you are when absolutely anyone else cooks for you and how you don’t judge anyone else’s food harshly, because you’re not an arsehole? Do the same for yourself.

[unorthodoxsavvy]

Gourmet Holiday

Title: Gourmet Holiday

Chapter: 1

Pairing: Dan and Phil

AU: UK-based BATK (Gourmet Makes) [Dan is “Claire” and Phil is “Brad”]

Word Count: 2.2k

Rating: G

Summary: Phil helps out Dan make candy canes in his holiday episode of Gourmet Makes

Trope: Acquaintances to Friends to Lovers

“Alright, my name is Dan, and today on Gourmet Makes we’re going to be making candy canes,” Dan smiled into the camera, holding up a box of a dozen candy canes.

“Candy canes are one of the best holiday traditions, even here in the UK. I love them for the taste, and also for the fact that if you get them sharp enough, you can stab someone with them-”

Dan quickly glanced up from the box to their camera man.

“Am I allowed to say that on this show?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Great!”

Dan started to pull one out of the package.

“Candy canes are really great too because they can be used in holiday deserts like brownies or as sprinkles or in like hot chocolate, ooh, we should make some hot chocolate- anyway-”

Dan unwrapped the long end and popped it in his mouth.

Behind Dan, his coworker, Phil, approached his station. Sensing the older man, Dan turned slightly.

“Phil! Important question: which end of the candy cane do you start with?”

“The curved part,” Phil smiled.

“Wow, someone isn’t valid,” Dan replied, turning back to the camera.

“Can I have one though?”

“Not if you’re going to eat it like that.”

Phil huffed and kept walking.

“Anyway, it’s time for my favorite part: reading the ingredients.”

Dan flipped over the candy cane box and started listing off the ingredients, doing his best to pronounce the bigger words. He knew that in the final edit of this video, the ingredients would be listed around him, framing his face as he rattled them off. Dan had always admired the editors work on all of his videos, a skill he felt like he could never pick up.

“Alright,” he grinned, staring straight ahead. “Let’s get started.”

The camera followed Dan around the UK’s BA Test Kitchen as he gathered up various ingredients and tools he’d need to start with his first task: making the sugar candy.

With a smile, Dan started to explain what he was doing as he measured out the sugar on his scale in a bowl, then transferred it to a larger pan he could boil it down to hard ball candy on the stove afterwards.

In order to make it a more elevated treat, Dan was trying to think of a way he could somehow use the mint leaves directly. One plan he had was throwing them in Phil’s dehydrator, and then using the spice grinder to grind them up and add to the mixture. It would probably give the candy a speckled appearance, but he hoped it wouldn’t look too much different from the original. Dan hated the artificial taste of extracts, and avoided them whenever he could.

After talking this through with the camera while his sugar boiled down, Dan removed it from the heat and waited for it to be cool enough to the touch for him to work with.

“I’m too weak for this,” he complained, grabbing the sugar and pulling it across his chest over and over again. Starting to get tired, Dan wrapped it around the stand mixer’s arm and used that to continue pulling towards him instead of out. Once satisfied with his sugar, he started to rip pieces off and form them by hand into cane-shapes.

By this time, Dan had been on camera for about 45 minutes, and Phil returned from whatever he’d been doing.

“How’s it going, Dan?” Phil asked cheerfully, looking down at Dan with adoring big eyes. Phil’s smile, which never left his face, was infectious, and tired as Dan was, he managed to smile back.

“I think I might need to find a mold for these,” Dan gestured to the candy canes he was making.

“You didn’t wrap the two colors yet?” Phil observed. 

“No, I just wanted to see how well I could do this without worrying about having to have them wrapped. If I can’t make these right without wrapping the red with the white, there’s no way I’ll be able to do it with that.”

“Alright, do you want some help making a mold?” Phil offered.

“What are you doing now? Are you working on anything?” As much as Dan would love the help, he didn’t want to pull Phil away from his own assignments.

“Ah, you know, just waiting for some things to ferment over at the fermentation station,” Phil mentioned, jerking a thumb over his shoulder at the shelf in the kitchen he’d claimed for his weird experiments, including a bag of egg yolks with salt he’d thrown in a plastic sandwich bag. Every once in a while Dan had the urge to rip it down and throw it out, but a part of him was morbidly curious as to not only how long Phil would keep it tapped to the wall, but what would become of it afterwards.

Dan rolled his eyes at the thought, being a bit extra for the camera. “Alright, if you’re not busy, then sure. Got any ideas?”

Phil tilted his head in thought while Dan gazed up at him from his seat at his counter. Standing side by side, Dan and Phil were almost the same height, and they both towered over everyone else in the kitchen. It was one thing that bonded them. Their personalities complimented each other as well: Dan was pessimistic, focused, and sarcastic, something that the internet had latched on to, giving him the success he saw today. Phil, on the other hand, was a bit chaotic, spacey, and made really bad jokes and puns. This lent him a different kind of love from Dan, but just as much success. Their respective shows were the most popular of all of the UK BA Test Kitchen’s channel.

“What if we got one of those putty things you can impress molds into?”

Phil was known around the kitchen for having out-of-the-box and generally handy ideas.

“That’s great, do we have any?”

“I have no idea,” Phil grinned stupidly.

Dan let out a dramatic sigh and got up from his station to look around the kitchen, followed by Phil and the cameraman.

After looking around for a good 20 minutes, Dan located what he was looking for- there was only one problem. There was only enough of the putty to make a mini candy cane mold, not the full-sized ones.

Dan showed it to Phil.

“Well, if it works out, they’ll just have to be that size,” Phil voiced, as if he had read Dan’s mind.

“My thoughts exactly,” Dan agreed, and brushed past Phil in the hallway, shoulders bumping slightly. Dan felt his face heat up in embarrassment and didn’t turn around to apologize so that it wouldn’t be caught on camera. The last thing he needed was to give the internet another piece of “proof” that the two were secretly in love.

They’d never really explicitly talked about how they were “shipped”, but Dan was fairly confident Phil was aware.

Dan placed the putty for the mold on his work counter and started to work to clean up the mess he’d made in his first attempt, camera continuing to roll on the off chance there was any good B-footage to be had for the end of the video, or even peppered into the main video. Phil tried to help, but Dan waved him off.

“I have a process,” he asserted. Phil threw his hands up and backed away gently, playing it up for the camera. Dan wondered if the scene would make it into the video.

Once Dan was done cleaning his station Phil pulled up a stool to sit next to Dan.

Dan startled from where he’d been staring down at the table in focus and looked at Phil, feeling his eyes drawn to Phil’s icey blue ones.

“I, uh, we, I-”

“You sound like me on camera!” Phil joked.

Dan’s face dropped into a glare, causing Phil to chuckle even more.

“I grabbed the box of mini ones we got to make the mold with,” Dan finally stated, pulling over the box so it would be on-screen in front of the two of them.

“Awesome, let’s jump in,” Phil smiled, grabbing the box from where Dan had left it in front of them, starting to pull out some of the candy canes.

Dan vaguely felt like Phil was hijacking his video more than he would have liked, but maybe with more air time for Phil in Dan’s series, it would get more views. 

Dan watched Phil delicately unwrap the candy cane from the plastic and place it into the mold-maker, thinking about how two people with such steady hands could engage in such different work.

“Look good?” Phil asked, showing Dan.

“Looks good. Oh, by the way can I use your new dehydrator?” 

“You sure can,” Phil exclaimed, getting up to head over it right away. Dan figured Phil wanted to show him how it worked, so even though Dan wasn’t quite ready to use it, he followed Phil over to the fermentation station.

“Alright, so when you open it up you can see right inside we got two nice large fans, right, so those really push the air around and make whatever’s inside dry up real nice.”

Phil closed the door of the dehydrator.

“Up here you can set a timer for how long you want it to run for and over here with this dial you can change how much air the fans are blowing and this one over here changes the temperature-” Phil went through and detailed each and every feature his new dehydrator came with while Dan politely listened. After about five minutes of filming, Phil was finally done explaining how it worked, and Dan thanked him, saying he was going to go grab the mint leaves he’d pre-ordered for the episode.

“Wonderful!” Phil followed Dan to where he’d been storing the leaves.

It became clear to Dan that Phil was in this for the long-haul, so Dan asked Phil how long he thought they should keep the leaves in the dehydrator for.

“There’s a fair amount of moisture in them because they’re from a plant, so maybe overnight and we check them in the morning,” Phil suggested.

“Great, and in the meantime we can test out that mold you made.”

“Awesome,” Phil replied in a deep voice for what Dan assumed was comedic effect.

The two returned back to Dan’s station where Dan started to make the same sugar mixture he had for his first test. “I think I like this mixture I made, but the first one was really just to see the logistics of this, I wasn’t really paying attention to the sugar to see if this is what I want to end up using or not,” Dan mentioned as he stirred, leaning over his mixing bowl slightly.

Dan felt Phil lean over his shoulder to glance in his mixing bowl, and Dan stopped whisking to turn and give Phil another glare. It had the desired effect, and Phil backed off, but Dan wasn’t sure if he did it for himself or for the camera.

Dan continued stirring before pouring his mixture into the pot he’d had Phil place on the stove for him. Dan turned the burner on and placed his candy thermometer in, leaning against the oven as he stirred the sugar.

Phil came and stood next to him. For the first time this whole video, Dan wished the camera wasn’t rolling so they could have an honest conversation, but for now it was casual conversation.

When the sugar was ready, Dan poured it out and let it set, getting Phil to help him pull it when it was cool enough to touch.

Phil placed some in the mold, and although it worked, he wasn’t quite as happy with the sugar as he could have been. When he bit it, it was a bit chewy and didn’t have that distinct crack and the crumble effect of a real candy cane.

Dan voiced his thoughts to Phil, who seemed genuinely interested in what Dan had to say. 

“It’s getting late, I think I’m going to run one more test and then call it quits for today, and we can start day two tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.”

Dan made one more batch of sugar to cook down while Phil watched, this time letting it sit a little longer and get a bit hotter.

Dan was happier with the results this time, but felt that after a good night’s rest (in theory) he could come back and make an even better version the next day. Dan let Phil help him clean up this time, and by the time they were done, they were the only ones left in the kitchen. The camera man had been running low on battery again, and decided to wrap up filming a bit early, as they would have enough content for the video without him needing to film the two cleaning up.

Phil waited for Dan in the foyer while Dan put his coat on.

“We make a good team,” Phil smiled.

“We do,” Dan agreed sincerely.

“Maybe they’ll give us a show together some time,” Phil joked.

Dan turned to him as they walked down the hall.

“I would like that, Phil.”

[pavspatch]

Ashton and Celtic set for derby clash

Non-league previews

THE roll of the fixtures dice has given ASHTON UNITED an unexpected say in the Pitching In NPL championship race.

Last Tuesday they scored a memorable 1-0 victory over South Shields courtesy of a late header by former Glossop man Ekow Coker, and next Tuesday they visit Matlock. In the meantime, tomorrow (Saturday) just to add a little spice, they are home to Tameside rivals Stalybridge Celtic.

Manager Mike Clegg said: "Sam Baird and Tom Warren are out for the rest of the season but other than that we are good to go. We're in the middle of an interesting sequence of games that has started well. But I'm sure it won't be that straightforward."

STALYBRIDGE CELTIC, who lost 2-0 at Stafford last weekend, go into the game without talismanic defender Steve Brogan who is suspended after being sent off against Nantwich Town.

Otherwise, Simon Haworth has a fully fit squad to choose from as Bridge face their sixth away trip in seven matches. They return to Bower Fold on Tuesday when they face Runcorn Linnets in the Cheshire Senior Cup.

Scott Bakkor has left Celtic and loan player Ntumba Massanka, who was recalled by parent club South Shields, is now with Boston United.

Last Saturday's defeat by Basford, and Nantwich's midweek victory over Witton, have left HYDE UNITED in a very precarious position with their premier division status hanging by a thread.

They are now third-bottom and only three points clear of Witton, having played three games more. They desperately need a win at Atherton Collieries.

Brad Roscoe and Krisel Prifti could be set for a return while manager Nick Spooner added: "We'll maybe have a new face in the squad if everything can be sorted."

In National League North, CURZON ASHTON are hoping to play their first Saturday match for a month. Last week's visit to Alfreton fell foul of a waterlogged pitch which led manager Adam Lakeland to tweet: "Frustrating not to play again today. No game for three Saturdays in a row is disappointing. Only game off today in at least the top three divisions."

League positions suggest the Nash should take all three points from Gloucester at the Tameside Stadium but in midweek they lost at Telford who are in a very similar position.

Striker Dom Knowles is in contention while Marcus Poscha and Matt Rain remain injured and Scott Wilson is still suspended. Jack Dunn has gone to Marine on loan.

Although unbeaten in the last four outings, Gloucester are described as having an injury-plagued defence, and have signed centre-half Pablo Martinez on loan from Bristol Rovers.

Manager Lee Mansell, who watched Curzon on Tuesday, said: "You could tell they looked a little bit rusty and hadn’t played for a little while. But I think those lads who played on Tuesday will have got the rustiness out, so we’ll probably see the very best of Curzon on Saturday and we’ll be expecting that."

In the NPL first division west, MOSSLEY visit Trafford, the club immediately below them in the table and with a very similar record.

Right-back Ollie Broe goes into the squad having been signed on a dual registration from Farsley, and manager Dave Fish is hoping to add another player in time for kick-off.

"We have a few unavailable this weekend, some through injury and some because they made plans with this originally being a free weekend," Fish explained.

Andreas Bianga's loan has been extended to the end of the season and talks are ongoing with Rochdale for Brad Kelley's loan to be extended.

GLOSSOP NORTH END have no match. Khius Metz is due to undergo his ACL operation in the coming week. Rory Fallon is still injured.

[curutquit]

Egg malai masala.

Hello everybody, it's Brad, welcome to my recipe page. Today, I will show you a way to prepare a distinctive dish, egg malai masala. One of my favorites. For mine, I am going to make it a little bit tasty. This is gonna smell and look delicious.

Egg malai masala is one of the most well liked of current trending foods in the world. It's easy, it's fast, it tastes yummy. It's enjoyed by millions every day. Egg malai masala is something which I've loved my entire life. They are nice and they look wonderful.

To get started with this particular recipe, we have to prepare a few components. You can cook egg malai masala using 9 ingredients and 5 steps. Here is how you cook that.

The ingredients needed to make Egg malai masala:

{Prepare 6 of boiled eggs.

{Make ready 1 cup of onion + garlic +green chilli + ginger paste.

{Take 2 cups of milk.

{Make ready 1 teaspoon of black pepper powder.

{Make ready 1/2 teaspoon of jeera/cumin powder.

{Get 1/2 teaspoon of garam masala powder.

{Prepare 1/4 cup of chopped coriander leaves.

{Get To taste of Salt.

{Get 1/4 cup of white cooking oil.

Steps to make Egg malai masala:

First boil eggs, peel them off & cut them into halves. Then keep them aside.Now in a pan heat up some oil & add prepared onion+garlic+ginger+green chillies paste then saute and mix it for a while on a medium low heat..

After 7-8 minutes, once the raw smell of the onion-garlic paste is gone,add all the powdered spices such as cumin, black pepper & garam masala powder. Add salt & mix everything together..

Now switch off the flame & add the milk. Then mix the milk with the spices.Turn on the heat & cook the gravy for about 5-6 minutes on medium heat. Stir occasionally..

Once the gravy start thickens add the eggs into the gravy by placing them yolkside down. Now sprinkle the chopped coriander leaves on the top. Then cover the pan & let it cook for another 3-4 minutes..

Now the dish is ready to be served. It goes well with paratha,roti & rice. Serve it hot with one of those..

So that is going to wrap it up with this special food egg malai masala recipe. Thanks so much for reading. I'm confident you can make this at home. There's gonna be more interesting food at home recipes coming up. Don't forget to bookmark this page in your browser, and share it to your family, colleague and friends. Thanks again for reading. Go on get cooking!

[ssportlive4]

Veggie Lasagna.

Hey everyone, it is Brad, welcome to our recipe site. Today, we're going to make a distinctive dish, veggie lasagna. One of my favorites. For mine, I'm gonna make it a little bit tasty. This is gonna smell and look delicious.

Veggie Lasagna is one of the most well liked of current trending meals in the world. It's appreciated by millions every day. It is easy, it is fast, it tastes delicious. They're nice and they look fantastic. Veggie Lasagna is something which I've loved my entire life.

To get started with this particular recipe, we must first prepare a few components. You can cook veggie lasagna using 10 ingredients and 7 steps. Here is how you can achieve that.

The ingredients needed to make Veggie Lasagna:

{Make ready 1 medium of onion.

{Get 2 clove of garlic.

{Make ready 2 tbsp of olive oil.

{Take 2 cup of spinach.

{Take 1 medium of egg.

{Take 2 tbsp of Italian spice blend.

{Make ready 2 cup of mozzarella cheese.

{Prepare 12 of whole grain lasagna noodles.

{Take 2 cup of pasta sauce.

{Make ready 2 cup of frozen vegetables.

Instructions to make Veggie Lasagna:

Cook whole grain lasagna noodles according to the package instructions..

Saute the onion and garlic in oil over medium high heat. Add veggies and saute until tender. Add spices. Set aside..

Whisk egg into 1 cup of cheese and stir in fresh spinach..

Pour a little sauce in the bottom of a greased 9x13 pan..

Top with 4 lasagna noodles,1/2 cup cheese mixture, ½ of the veggies, and ¾ cup sauce. Repeat..

Top entire pan with noodles, remaining sauce, and cheese..

Cover with tin foil and bake for 40 minutes at 375°F. Remove foil and bake for 10 minutes more or until cheese is bubbly..

So that's going to wrap this up with this exceptional food veggie lasagna recipe. Thank you very much for reading. I'm confident you will make this at home. There's gonna be more interesting food at home recipes coming up. Don't forget to bookmark this page in your browser, and share it to your loved ones, colleague and friends. Thank you for reading. Go on get cooking!

[kunwiginjanu]

Brad's onepot Chipotle pozole. A whole new way to Chipotle paired with your favorite salsas and sides for pickup or delivery. Customize, pay and skip the line with contactless pickup. Just grab your sealed Chipotle order from the shelf and go.

This hearty, traditional Mexican Pozole stew gets a kick from smoky chipotle chilies. Pozole is an Aztec word that means hominy, which is dried corn that's most often found in corn tortillas. Pozole is a celebratory dish in Mexican culture, often served during holidays, birthdays and weddings.

Hello everybody, I hope you are having an incredible day today. Today, I will show you a way to prepare a distinctive dish, brad's onepot chipotle pozole. It is one of my favorites. This time, I will make it a little bit unique. This is gonna smell and look delicious.

Brad's onepot Chipotle pozole is one of the most favored of current trending meals on earth. It's enjoyed by millions daily. It's easy, it's fast, it tastes delicious. Brad's onepot Chipotle pozole is something which I have loved my whole life. They are fine and they look fantastic.

A whole new way to Chipotle paired with your favorite salsas and sides for pickup or delivery. Customize, pay and skip the line with contactless pickup. Just grab your sealed Chipotle order from the shelf and go.

To begin with this recipe, we must first prepare a few components. You can cook brad's onepot chipotle pozole using 24 ingredients and 7 steps. Here is how you cook that.

The ingredients needed to make Brad's onepot Chipotle pozole:

{Get 2 1/2 lb of pork sirloin roast.

{Make ready 1/2 cup of flour.

{Get 1 tsp of garlic pwdr, sea salt, and black pepper.

{Make ready of Oil for frying.

{Get 1 of onion, chopped, divided.

{Get 5 of vine ripened tomatoes, chopped.

{Get 2 of jalapeños, seeded and diced.

{Take 1 of small can, roasted diced green chiles.

{Make ready 4 tsp of tomato chicken granulated bouillon.

{Get 4 of Chipotle chiles in adobo, chopped.

{Get 1 tbs of each; cumin, chili powder, and garlic powder.

{Get 1/2 packet of taco seasoning.

{Make ready 1 tsp of each; oregano, sea salt.

{Get 1/2 bunch of cilantro, chopped.

{Make ready 2 tbs of white vinegar.

{Prepare 1 of lg can of each; white and yellow hominy.

{Take of Garnishment.

{Make ready of Shredded mozzarella and cheddar cheese.

{Take 1/2 bunch of cilantro, chopped.

{Get of Remaining 1/2 onion, chopped.

{Prepare 2 of avacado, seeded peeled and cut into 1/8ths.

{Prepare 5 of lg radishes, sliced thin.

{Get of Shredded cabbage.

{Take of Lime wedges.

Easiest Way to Prepare Tasty Brad's onepot Chipotle pozole. How to Cook Tasty Pelecing ayam suwir bumbu merah. Serve your turkey leftovers with a Mexican flair. Turkey pozole hominy soup seasoned with smokey chipotle chiles.

Instructions to make Brad's onepot Chipotle pozole:

Chop pork roast into bite sized pieces. Remove any bone or pure fat. Put into a lg zip lock bag. Add flour, salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Seal bag with as much air inside as possible. Shake bag well to evenly coat meat..

Heat oil in a large frying pan. Fry pork in batches. Do not overcrowd pan. Brown well on all sides. When done, drain and add to your one pot pressure cooker..

Add the tomatoes, 1/2 the onion, jalapeños, chiles, bouillon, chipotles, spices, cilantro, and vinegar to the one pot. Add water to cover everything. Stir well..

Set one pot for 45 minutes. Follow all instructions and precautions provided with your machine..

When one pot is safe to open, add both cans hominy. Cook again for 30 minutes..

Meanwhile, prepare garnishes. Put all on a lg plate..

When one pot is done cooking, serve immediately in lg bowls. Put garnish in the middle of the table for people to choose what they want. Enjoy..

This is not your abuelita's pozole recipe — though we bet hers is pretty good, too! This simple, unique, and delicious dish is the perfect way to bring your loved ones together to enjoy a In a food processor (or blender), combine chiles, ½ cup of reserved water, garlic, chipotle peppers, and tomato paste. From Wikipedia: Pozole (Nahuatl: pozolli), which means "foamy"; variant spellings: pozolé, pozolli, posole) is a traditional pre-Columbian soup or stew from Mexico, which once had ritual significance. It is made from nixtamalized corn, [Hominy] with meat, usually pork, chicken, turkey, pork rinds. Pozole or Pozolli -original name in Náhuatl- is a traditional dish from Mexico consumed by the Aztec ancestors on special sacred occasions and celebrations.

So that's going to wrap this up for this exceptional food brad's onepot chipotle pozole recipe. Thank you very much for reading. I am confident that you will make this at home. There's gonna be more interesting food at home recipes coming up. Don't forget to bookmark this page on your browser, and share it to your family, friends and colleague. Thank you for reading. Go on get cooking!

[kembungsusu]

Dahi vadas. Dahi vada is also popularly known as Dahi bhalla in North India. Towards the South, a variant of this is known as thayir vadai in Tamil, perugu vadalu in Telugu and mosaru vade in Kannada. Dahi Vada are a popular street food from North India.

It can be served as an. The terms dahi vada and dahi bhalle are often used interchangeably in different parts of the country. In my home we always called them "dahi vada" whereas hubby calls them "dahi bhalle".

Hello everybody, it is Brad, welcome to our recipe site. Today, I'm gonna show you how to prepare a special dish, dahi vadas. One of my favorites. For mine, I will make it a little bit unique. This will be really delicious.

Dahi vada is also popularly known as Dahi bhalla in North India. Towards the South, a variant of this is known as thayir vadai in Tamil, perugu vadalu in Telugu and mosaru vade in Kannada. Dahi Vada are a popular street food from North India.

Dahi vadas is one of the most popular of current trending meals in the world. It is simple, it is fast, it tastes yummy. It's enjoyed by millions every day. Dahi vadas is something that I have loved my whole life. They are nice and they look wonderful.

To begin with this particular recipe, we must first prepare a few components. You can cook dahi vadas using 18 ingredients and 3 steps. Here is how you can achieve that.

The ingredients needed to make Dahi vadas:

{Make ready 1 cup of black eyed beans/water.

{Prepare 1/2 cup of urad Dahl.

{Prepare 1/2 cup of chana Dahl.

{Prepare of to taste Salt.

{Take 1 tablespoon of ginger.

{Get 3 of green chillies.

{Take 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper powder.

{Take of Oil to fry the vadas.

{Get 1/2 teaspoon of Eno.

{Prepare of Yoghurt.

{Take 1 bowl of yoghurt.

{Make ready of to taste Salt.

{Get 1/2 teaspoon of chilli powder.

{Take 1/2 teaspoon of jeera powder.

{Get 1/2 teaspoon of black pepper powder.

{Take of Sprinkle of sugar.

{Prepare of Fresh coriander chopped.

{Make ready of Tamarind sauce.

Dahi Vadas are lentil dumplings dipped in yogurt and topped with spicy savory tamarind chutney. I tried dahi vada, but it turned out bland because there was no saltin the vada only in yogurt. South Indians are famous for preparing One of the well known dishes of the vada is the vada sambar or vada rasam. Dahi Vada, Dahi Bhalla or Dahi Bara are fried lentil dumplings, topped with curd, variety of chutney and spices.

Instructions to make Dahi vadas:

Soak the beans and dahls overnight in water..

Then add the above with salt chillies ginger pepper and water and grind to make a soft dough. Then add the eno and mix really well. Add oil to a pan then fry the vadas on medium heat until golden brown as below.

Then add yoghurt to a bowl add salt chilli powder black pepper jeera powder sugar and mix well then add the vadas and sprinkle chilli powder jeera powder and some tamarind sauce and chopped coriander tastes yummy and store them in the fridge if you want to eat them later..

It's a famous Indian Chaat recipe and very popular street food. Dahi vada recipe - This is north Indian dahi bhalla recipe. deep fried lentil dumplings topped with yogurt, chutneys and chili powder, roasted cumin powder. Dahi Vada Recipe: 'melt in your mouth' dahi vada / dahi bhalla recipe (fried Indian lentil dumplings), that's served with Dahi Vada Recipe is also known as Dahi Bhalla, Dahi Bada or Dahi Bhalla Chaat. Dahi Vada is North Indian in origin and can just as easily be a main dish on a hot day as it can be the perfect accompaniment to other meat or vegetable dishes on a special occasion. Dahi Vada is simply a tremendous dumpling of urad dal, topped and flavored with the sweet and spicy yogurt and tamarind chutney.

So that is going to wrap this up with this exceptional food dahi vadas recipe. Thanks so much for reading. I am confident that you can make this at home. There's gonna be interesting food in home recipes coming up. Remember to save this page on your browser, and share it to your loved ones, colleague and friends. Thank you for reading. Go on get cooking!

[juilojio753]

Sarah's Hearty Harvest Tortellini Chilli.

Hey everyone, it's Brad, welcome to our recipe site. Today, I'm gonna show you how to make a distinctive dish, sarah's hearty harvest tortellini chilli. It is one of my favorites food recipes. For mine, I am going to make it a little bit tasty. This is gonna smell and look delicious.

Sarah's Hearty Harvest Tortellini Chilli is one of the most popular of recent trending foods in the world. It's easy, it's quick, it tastes yummy. It is appreciated by millions daily. Sarah's Hearty Harvest Tortellini Chilli is something that I have loved my whole life. They are nice and they look fantastic.

To begin with this recipe, we have to prepare a few components. You can have sarah's hearty harvest tortellini chilli using 25 ingredients and 3 steps. Here is how you can achieve it.

The ingredients needed to make Sarah's Hearty Harvest Tortellini Chilli:

{Make ready 1 lb of ground hamburger or turkey meat.

{Prepare 3 tbsp of cooking oil.

{Take 6 cup of water.

{Prepare 4 tsp of powdered chicken bullion.

{Take 3 cup of frozen tortellini.

{Take 1 of *Potato Flakes 1/2 cup.

{Make ready of fresh veggies.

{Get 1 of bell pepper diced.

{Get 1 of onion, chopped.

{Prepare 1 of potato diced.

{Get 1 of yellow zuchini squash diced.

{Get of spices.

{Take 3 tsp of ground cumin.

{Prepare 3 tbsp of minced garlic from jar in water.

{Get 1/2 tsp of chili powder.

{Get 1/2 tsp of red pepper flakes.

{Take 1 tbsp of dried parsley.

{Prepare 2 tbsp of dried chives.

{Make ready 2 tbsp of fresh chopped cilantro.

{Get 1/2 tsp of ground oregano.

{Make ready 1 tsp of sweet paprika.

{Prepare of canned goods.

{Take 1 can of diced tomato's.

{Prepare 1 can of black beans drained.

{Make ready 2 can of 8oz tomato sauce.

Instructions to make Sarah's Hearty Harvest Tortellini Chilli:

In large pot heat oil. Then add all of the fresh veggies garlic cilantro and cumin saute for about 5 minutes then add meat and cook until meat is browned. Do not drain!.

Add water, remaining spices, bullion and canned goods stir well. Bring to hard boil then add tortellini bring back to boil. After 15 minutes reduce heat to low and simmer for about 30 minutes or until tortellini reaches your desired texture..

If you desire a thinker consistency of the sauce stir in the 1/2 cup of dried potato flakes at the end. Cook for 5 more minutes.

So that's going to wrap this up for this exceptional food sarah's hearty harvest tortellini chilli recipe. Thank you very much for reading. I am confident you will make this at home. There's gonna be interesting food at home recipes coming up. Remember to bookmark this page on your browser, and share it to your family, colleague and friends. Thanks again for reading. Go on get cooking!

[wijakartuya]

Chicken wraps. Learn how to make delicious chicken wraps with flour tortillas, breaded chicken, lettuce hearts, tomato, red or purple onion and yogurt sauce. Healthy grilled chicken and ranch wraps are loaded with chicken, cheese and ranch. Step by step video for a Chicken Wrap Recipe.

Delicious snack or dinner in summer - chicken wraps with homemade guacamole! How to Make a Chicken Wrap. It's easy to grow tired of salads and sandwiches for lunch.

Hey everyone, it is Brad, welcome to my recipe site. Today, I'm gonna show you how to make a distinctive dish, chicken wraps. One of my favorites food recipes. This time, I'm gonna make it a little bit unique. This will be really delicious.

Learn how to make delicious chicken wraps with flour tortillas, breaded chicken, lettuce hearts, tomato, red or purple onion and yogurt sauce. Healthy grilled chicken and ranch wraps are loaded with chicken, cheese and ranch. Step by step video for a Chicken Wrap Recipe.

Chicken wraps is one of the most favored of current trending foods on earth. It's enjoyed by millions every day. It is simple, it's fast, it tastes yummy. Chicken wraps is something that I have loved my entire life. They are fine and they look wonderful.

To begin with this recipe, we must prepare a few components. You can cook chicken wraps using 18 ingredients and 7 steps. Here is how you can achieve it.

The ingredients needed to make Chicken wraps:

{Take 1 kg of chicken breast strips.

{Prepare 1 tbsp of garlic powder.

{Prepare 1 tsp of black pepper.

{Make ready 1 tbsp of ginger powder.

{Take 1 tbsp of paprika.

{Make ready 1/2 tbsp of cayenne pepper.

{Take 1 tsp of mixed spice.

{Get 1 tbsp of mild madras curry powder.

{Make ready 2 tbsp of himalayan salt.

{Get 2 of onions.

{Get of Brown sugar.

{Prepare 3 of Potatoes diced.

{Make ready of Olive oil (or any).

{Prepare of Lettuce.

{Make ready of Cucumber.

{Take of Mayonnaise.

{Prepare of Ketchup.

{Prepare of Paprika.

Grill a wrap filled with chicken, ranch, and mozzarella for a hearty meal or create a lighter wrap. Chicken Wraps. this link is to an external site that may or may not meet accessibility guidelines. I like to have a simple plan for school lunchboxes and these healthy chicken wraps are great as there are a few flavour options depending on what you have in the fridge. Top chicken wraps recipes and other great tasting recipes with a healthy slant from SparkRecipes.com.

Instructions to make Chicken wraps:

Ensure the chicken is as dry as possible and add the dry seasoning, mixing well..

Heat the pan up and cook the chicken strips on a high heat until cooked through..

Fill a pan (not too high) with oil and ensure oil is hot before adding the potatoes. Cook on a medium heat until they are golden brown and crispy on the outside..

Shallow fry the onions and add brown sugar and a pinch of salt. Cook until onions are soft and caramelised..

Wash lettuce and cucumber and dry. Shred the lettuce and dice the cucumber..

Spoon plenty of mayonnaise into a bowl and add ketchup until pink or as desired. Add in a pinch of paprika..

Assemble the wraps. This can be done many ways. I put the salad then dressing, then chicken, onions and potato. Put it at the side then roll tightly and tuck in the edges..

Thai Inspired Chicken Lettuce Wraps. from the Prevention Magazine Website. Cashew Chicken Lettuce Wraps + Weekly Menu, Healthy Chicken Wraps, Asian Chicken Wraps + Weekly Menu. These easy, chicken wraps with peanut sauce are such an simple and healthy lunch recipe, but they're delicious any time of day. Soft flour tortillas are filled with seasoned chicken, crunchy coleslaw and. These Homemade BBQ Chicken Wraps are truly bursting with flavour.

So that's going to wrap this up with this special food chicken wraps recipe. Thanks so much for reading. I'm sure you will make this at home. There's gonna be interesting food in home recipes coming up. Don't forget to save this page on your browser, and share it to your loved ones, colleague and friends. Thank you for reading. Go on get cooking!

[jmarjanah838]

Babi chin - Indonesian style braised pork belly.

Hey everyone, it's Brad, welcome to our recipe site. Today, we're going to prepare a special dish, babi chin - indonesian style braised pork belly. It is one of my favorites food recipes. For mine, I will make it a little bit tasty. This will be really delicious.

Babi chin - Indonesian style braised pork belly is one of the most popular of recent trending foods in the world. It's easy, it's fast, it tastes yummy. It's enjoyed by millions daily. They are fine and they look wonderful. Babi chin - Indonesian style braised pork belly is something that I have loved my whole life.

To get started with this recipe, we must prepare a few ingredients. You can have babi chin - indonesian style braised pork belly using 11 ingredients and 2 steps. Here is how you can achieve that.

The ingredients needed to make Babi chin - Indonesian style braised pork belly:

{Prepare 450 g of pork belly slices cut in cubes.

{Prepare 2 of shallots.

{Prepare 2 cloves of garlic.

{Prepare 40 ml of dark soy sauce.

{Make ready 15 ml of soy sauce.

{Make ready 50 ml of kecap manis - available at most Asian supermarkets.

{Prepare 1 1/2 tsp of soft brown sugar.

{Make ready 1/2 tsp of salt.

{Make ready 1 tsp of all spice.

{Get 1 tbsp of vegetable oil.

{Make ready 750 ml of water.

Steps to make Babi chin - Indonesian style braised pork belly:

In a wok or large frying pan heat your vegetable oil, add your shallots and let soften. In the meantime, chop your garlic and crush with some salt to a paste. Add to your shallots and let cook..

When these have browned, take off the head and add your sugar, all spice and stir. Bring back to the heat and add your sauces, your pork and coat in the delicious mixture. Cover with the water and bring to a boil. Once the pork has reached the boil, bring down to a simmer and let cook until reduced to a sticky sauce. This will take approximately 1 hr. I served with sticky rice and choi sum, both topped with the crispy seasoning..

So that is going to wrap it up with this special food babi chin - indonesian style braised pork belly recipe. Thanks so much for reading. I'm sure that you will make this at home. There is gonna be more interesting food at home recipes coming up. Remember to bookmark this page in your browser, and share it to your family, colleague and friends. Thanks again for reading. Go on get cooking!