#but after writing and entire THESIS im not just going to just let all my hardwork marinate in my 3 day old art blog

[tad-ahrt]

I decided to dedicate this new art book, I got it just the other day, to my Zelda ideas and studies- 'cause it's such a creative series, and also it's fun/stimulating to try and "modify" Totk (since we all know by now that it's not all that well thought out.. not to throw any shade lol) Info dump over

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I've heard many people talk about how they find the difference between Botw's Zonai and Totk's Zonai to be too jarring - Which I don't personally mind because I've also heard that the difference is because apparently Botw's Zonai structures were already ancient ruines (aka the beginning of Zonai civilization) by the time of Mineru and Rauru (aka the end of the Zonai civilization). Which is really interesting.

And also a shame why Totk didn't spend any major time giving us any insight beyond the Zonai devices being a major part of their culture. Or even how the Zonai managed to make whole islands float. And they never even explained how or why the Zonai just... Ascended into the sky???? 'Cause we know they were surface dwellers at one point due to the Zonai ruines in Botw.. But at the very least if Nintendo wanted them to have originated from the sky as like a holiness thing, they could've just said that they were Skyloftians that somehow never descended onto Hyrule, or that they come from the Wind tribe, or that they were crafted by Hylia Herself or something et cetera, at cetera. I feel like the lack of a clarification is just a major oversight in my opinion, because it would have become a welcomed addition to the Zelda lore. The Zlore...

So in order to elaborate on the divide, and also the sky-thing, I decided to delve into the theory that they were originally surface dwellers!

The post-ascension Zonai are basically just Totk Zonai but with the basic scale colours modified so they resemble the Botw/Totk dragons more, and the pre-ascension Zonai just flat out have dragon heads because of, y'know, the Zonai's whole shtick?

I wanted the Zonai, as a race, to be descended from dragons because:

1. It explains why they haven't shown up in any previous Zelda game. They're a relatively "new" "cross breed". (Though I haven't figured out what the dragons "bred" with yet- if at all. Sheikah, hylians, Rito, whatever the hell Kilton and Koltin's race is..)

2. It fits nicely with the ouroborous thing Totk has going on. What came first: the chicken or the egg? The dragons or the Zonai?

3. Dragons have already appeared in previous Zelda games like Ocarina of Time and Oracle of Seasons ( I think). And that only helps to link Botw/Totk's dragons to the Zonai.

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Anyway back to my drawings:

I used a achromatic colour scheme for my default zonai because I think it would be really interesting if the Zonai's colours were based on their "powers".

Mineru's design is purple due to her being the sage of spirit, Rauru's is yellow/white because of his light magic, and so on- but I hc the pre-ascension Zonai to be split into three (3) sub-tribes? clans? Based on the three Godesses: Din (power), Nayru (wisdom), and Farore (courage). So these pre-ascent Zonai will have red, blue, or green/gold colourings (unless they're too important I guess? Or just specialise in a different power like a sage would). So just swap out the black/grey for a different colour and you'll see what I'm trying to get at lol.

I also made their hair less scaly so there would be a more obvious connection to them and the Sheikah, just look at that 3rd eye man c'mon Nintendo, the theories!!..

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Side note: I don't think there would be much of a difference between male and female zonai, except that female Zonai are bigger because they follow reptile lore. (Also giant dragon women 👀👀👀).

I also believe that, the Zonai are a matriarchy (meaning women are expected to be in authority) because of the Godess/Goddesses being female, Zonai women being larger when they live in a warrior-heavy society (see: Botw barbarian armour). And this would also explain Botw/Totk's dragons (Dinraal, Naydra, and Farosh) having female pronouns and a very high status. Leaving credence for the theory that they were once Zonai and weren't always dragons. (This will feed into the 'plot' later).

However, Mineru's height is still considered "smaller" for a Zonai because she is trans. Hope this helps!

Essay Over

[lesbianboyfriend]

tell me about this btvs sexual violence thesis…..

okayyy i’ve been talking around this on my blog forever bc i haven’t had the mental capacity to make a coherent post about it but let me try now!!! i have some older posts that touch on some of these ideas too—i’ve linked a couple of them where relevant but honestly i could not find a bunch of them…but they are somewhere in my btvs lb tag. also note: i’m definitely still workshopping these ideas so id love to hear thoughts/rebuttals/expansions/whatever !!! it’s also all right now mostly working off my own thoughts/observations so i definitely want to do some research….i hope to one day write an actual essay about this

basically the summation of the buffyverse sexual violence thesis is that there is a narrative of sexual violence that is haunting the story. it goes pretty much unaddressed by the narrative at large, but it’s the crux of almost everything that happens.

i think there are two very obvious standout moments in btvs that highlight this sexual violence (the theory at large also encompasses angel but as i’m not entirely done watching it yet im gonna focus on buffy here, though i did touch on it briefly in a recent post about cordy’s death) which are the first slayer story and the spike attempted rape scene. going to talk about the first slayer first cause i think it’s kind of the framework for everything but important to note in terms of info that we get we + the characters aren’t aware of the first slayer story until after the rape scene.

imo the story of the first slayer is deeply deeply coded as a story of sexual violence. it’s about a woman being violated by a group of men who literally chain her down and force something into her. already, we’ve seen how being the slayer has isolated and harmed buffy, kendra, faith….its treated as almost a desirable, enviable position of honor (somewhat similar to how being a victim of sexual assault is sometimes painted as meaning the victim was “desirable”) but particularly once given this context, it’s hard to view being chosen as the slayer as anything but an act of violence against these women.

this is important to note because in a sense, it’s the slayer who upholds the moral binary of the buffyverse where good=soul, human and bad=no soul, demon. now this binary pretty much falls apart upon the slightest examination, because the story would not be as interesting if it was that simple. so there are multiple demon or otherwise characters who straddle this moral boundary—INCLUDING the slayer who not only straddles but enforces it. the outlier characters are presented as just that, outliers to this system, not indicators of its flaws. they are only good insofar as their goodness is directed towards maintaining the system. assimilation, not liberation.

okay, so, the spike rape scene. what’s notable about this scene is that it is, to my knowledge (?), the only moment of sexual violence that is explicitly named as an act of sexual violence. even in angel, which i feel has more overt moments of sexual violence, it’s not actually usually named as such. but what happens in this scene is explicitly named as a rape attempt. it is by far the most significant moment of sexual violence in btvs. so what exactly is going on with this scene?

now, there’s a lot that could be said and discussed about like, spike as a character, his motivations, etc (currently cooking up some thoughts about this myself), but for the purpose of this analysis i want to look strictly at what role spike is playing narratively in season 6. so, looking at this on a doylist level but NOT to be conflated with me excusing his actions on a watsonian level. anyways if we think about it season six is kind of a rejection of the larger moral order previously presented by btvs…i’ve talked about this vis-à-vis the demon/human evil/good binary and how season 6 really troubles those binaries. a lot of the season is about buffy grappling with these notions that perhaps her moral worldview is not correct—which leads to her spike. she’s previously made allowances for spike in this worldview, so she uses him as a sort of vehicle for exploring alternate theories. unlike the other demons we’ve seen allowances made for, spike is not “good” in the sense that btvs posits goodness for demons. he has done “good” things and he can’t hurt humans, but he is pretty explicitly still doing a lot of evil stuff. so spike gets to exist in the greyest area of any btvs character—his chip troubles the binary of who is and is not good/evil, not to mention who is morally killable under this worldview.

through her relationship with spike, buffy joins him there in that grey area. HER humanity (goodness) is questioned, which is not something that’s previously been up for serious debate. i talked before about how the slayer inherently straddles that binary, but as i said, both the characters and the viewers aren’t aware of that at this point. all of a sudden, there’s a total moral upheaval that creates lots of conflict….and this rejection of the prior moral order and exploration of what lies beyond it is what makes season 6 so compelling.

BUT season 6 isn’t the last season. and as we all know, season 7 kind of sucked!!! and went seriously hard on reifying that good/evil binary. so how did we get that wild shift between seasons? the rape scene.

as we know, “real evil” is only done by demons despite the countless terrible things we’ve seen human characters do. when spike tries to rape buffy, it cements him firmly back into the realm of monstrosity. violence, evil, whatever, they’re all signifiers of a monstrosity that removes the character of their humanity. we see this argument time and time again irl when people argue that people who do bad things are no longer human, thus rejecting the idea that they themselves are also capable of those bad things. this is why it’s so important that this moment is named as rape, as sexual violence, unlike the other instances. with the attempted rape, spike is ousted out of his grey area, back into “evilness”. buffy, as his victim this time, necessarily returns to the opposite side of the binary as him. buffy stops fighting against her role as slayer—she stops questioning the veracity of the system. in fact, she goes on to expand it, violating even more women in the name of “good.” spike realizes he has to conform to this moral order in order to “have” buffy (much to be said about that another time lollll) and regains a soul, the necessary signifier of his “goodness” and willingness to support the system he once troubled so severely. thus, the moral order is restored through an act of sexual violence, highlighting exactly how it predicated on the very sexual violence it claims to abhor.

some loose notes on other working parts of the thesis:

-general historical connection of vampire stories to sexuality (carmilla, dracula, etc)

-vampirism as sexual predation (penetration, vampires picking victims by seducing women at clubs)

-mystical pregnancy (in angel especially: cordelia, cordelia again, darla, cordelia…..) as a violation in and of itself and also a vehicle towards death

-angel and buffy in general. him being attracted to her since she was. 14

-sex with buffy returning angel to evil? not sure exactly how this would fit in yet but. there’s something there

-spike’s entire attitude for women

-xander’s whole deal

-as a matter of fact the way that pretty much every male character is misogynist

-episodes ted and billy (angel) -> presenting violence against women as stemming from an inherent monstrosity (billy somewhat contradicting this? but also reifying it. it’s left unclear tbh)

-darla in angel season 2 as a parallel to buffy in season 6…need to think more on this one as well

-dana….

[lemonykoo]

burnt out - tighnari

Pairing: Boyfriend!Tighnari x Student!Reader

Genre: Angst, I guess? Comfort later, though. Female reader.

Word Count: 2.5k

Notes: You’ve been working toward your degree at the Academiya for four years now, and as the days go on, Tighnari starts to notice that your diligence to your studies has gone by the wayside. Just when he thinks he has to have a talk with you, it’s brought to his attention that you aren’t just slacking off, but that there’s a bigger problem at hand. (Very self-indulgent lmao.)

Warnings: mentions of burnout and all the things that come of it! Tighnari is unaware of the situation so he’s a bit brash at first. (He also might be a little OOC im so sorry.) Vomiting is also mentioned – not graphically, just mentioned a few times. Also not entirely for sure how the Academiya runs in genshin but I structured it kind of like college to make it easier for me :)

“So, I got the exam, right? And I looked at the first page and was like, ‘Whoa, I know this stuff!’ And I just went through the whole test like that, so I think I did well! There were a couple I was confused about, but I think I got them, so I’m not too worried.” You stood from the crouched position you had been in and sighed, wiping the sweat from off your brow as you waited for an approving response from your boyfriend.

“You always study hard, so I would expect nothing less from you,” was the response Tighnari gave and oh, how damaging to you would it soon turn out to be.

It was a slow process, of course. It wasn’t like you just woke up one day and decided that you had no urge to even step foot on the premise of the Academiya, let alone even gaze in its direction. It was a gradual feeling that started to bubble within after four years of diligent studying and research to graduate and obtain a much sought-after degree in biology. This was a goal you had always been passionate about. Ever since you were young, you always wanted to learn more about the world around you, specifically nature’s role in it. You were still in the process of trying to write your thesis, with the help of your just as diligent boyfriend, Tighnari. Of course, the thesis work was all you – he was just there for support and to help out when needed. A lot of your time together was spent outside in the rainforest, collecting data and observing nature do it’s thing.

You spend a lot of time at Pardis Dhyai, since a lot of your research revolves around botany, but you also travel to Gandharva Ville not only to see your lover but also for research purposes. Your time spent in the rainforest with the forest watchers was always brief and you’d return back to Pardis Dhyai almost as soon as you left, but your stays have gotten longer. At first, you said it was because your work that needed to be done back at “home base” as you referred to it as didn’t have to start as soon as you woke up in the morning but then you changed your story to “Gandharva ville has more materials I need for my research.” Either one was acceptable; after all, students do tend to travel all over the place to gather material and data for their research topics. It wasn’t uncommon for you to even go someplace else in Sumeru for a couple days. The only problem with your second excuse was that you spent more time in Tighnari’s abode rather than outside inspecting plants and their habitats.

“You’re still here? I thought you said you were going to go out in the field today,” Tighnari said, seeing that you sitting at his desk, a notebook opened in front of you. The pages were blank except for a few scribbles and doodles. When he had left earlier, you had told him you needed to go into the field and see how the plants you were observing were doing since you hadn’t since last week. But it appeared that you hadn’t even attempted to leave.

“Oh, yeah, I had a lot to do this week so I thought I’d take it easy today, actually,” you answered.

“Understandable,” was all he replied with, a feeling of doubt surfacing that was quickly shaken away.

This theme of your “I need to blah blah blah” statements and then never actually doing what “needed” to be done became a very frequent occurrence. “Didn’t you say the test this week was super hard? I haven’t seen you touch your notes once in the past two days,” Tighnari noted as you ate lunch one day by a stream.

“It’s not until later in the week so I have time,” you said, shrugging. He decided not to press the issue further, putting his trust in the fact that you’d most likely just study when it came closer to time. Though, he’d really suggest starting now, but oh well.

And it continued like this, but you’d come back and explain that you didn’t do as well on that test as you thought you would followed by, “I should’ve studied more, but I just felt like I couldn’t.” Tighnari asked why you would return so late to Pardis Dhyai when you had work to do there, but you’d just brush it off and say that you could take care of it, you just might have to work longer one day. He’d stand at the entrance of your little “home base” and wave at you, telling you to have a nice rest of the week with a voice in his head saying that something was up with you but he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

You were always so diligent with your schoolwork. So focused and never missing a due date. You were always in the field, ready to learn and make observations. You’d go through notebook after notebook, filling the pages with endless pieces of knowledge and experiences you had come across, completely immersing yourself in your work and loving every minute of it. But now, you were different. Things had changed over these past four years. You weren’t as eager to go out in the field with him and when you were, the enjoyment didn’t last long and you’d get restless and distracted from the tasks at hand. Your stays at his place consisted of basically just you sleeping over until you stated you were ready for him to walk you back to Pardis Dhyai. You didn’t have your nose in books or notes anymore or ask him to quiz you for your next test. It was almost as if you weren’t even a student anymore. Were you just… becoming lazy? Surely not, as that was so unlike you. Perhaps… you had grown to dislike your degree choice, or realized that you just didn’t like it as much as you thought.

Tighnari decided he needed to address this concern of his to you and figure out what was going on. Maybe you just needed a little push to get going again! If that was the case, he was always there to encourage you. Hopefully you hadn’t forgotten all the times he’s helped you with your research, because if you were stuck and didn’t know how to continue with it, he’d totally help you out just as he had before.

When Tighnari entered Gandharva Ville, he was approached by Collei before he could reach his home. “Master Tighnari!” the young girl greeted. “I was waiting for you to return. I was wanting to ask you if there’s anything I could do to help (Y/N)? I didn’t know she was sick and I feel bad for not keeping her company while you were gone.”

“Sick?” Tighnari echoed. “I didn’t know she was sick, either.” His brows furrowed and gazed off into the distance, looking at his home and wondering what he had missed while he was out.

“Oh?” Collei bit at the inside of her cheek as she followed the male’s gaze. “I figured (Y/N) hadn’t ate yet, so I made her a couple pita pockets so she could take a break from her studies. When I walked in, though, she was sitting on the ground with her head in her hands. She said she had just thrown up.”

A lot of thoughts were running through the forest ranger’s mind. At first, he had wanted to retort and say that you probably weren’t studying earlier, but rather drawing meaningless doodles in the pages of your notebook that should have your work written on them instead. But you had thrown up? Tighnari didn’t even waste another second, but instead headed straight to his home.

Upon entering, you were seated on the bed, braiding a series of small flowers together into bracelets, something you’d always do when you were little and out playing in the forest with your friends. You had made several of these for Tighnari in the past, all of which were dried and turning to dust somewhere in a vase in his house. You looked up before going back to your braiding. “I know, I know. I’m not studying. You don’t have to say anything this time,” you said softly, a bit of strain in your voice.

Ouch. “That’s not-“ he sighed, “Collei said you were sick?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I just threw up a little. My throat still hurts a bit, but I’m fine,” you responded, a bit of what he assumed was embarrassment written on your face.

Your boyfriend observed the space around you. A half-eaten pita pocket lay on a plate, discarded on his desk, cold and stale. Next to it, your books were open and your notebook was out and he was surprised to see that you had actually been studying. “Why did you throw up? Had you eaten something previously that upset you?”

“No,” you replied. “I hadn’t eaten anything all day until Collei made lunch. I had been doing work all morning since you left.” As Tighnari observed you, he made note of the redness of your eyes. He remembered when he left this morning on his forest ranger duties, giving a hasty kiss on your cheek before he departed, hoping not to wake you up since you were still asleep. That was another thing – you’ve spent a lot of your time taking naps or just laying in bed until it was time to eat, but sometimes, you’d even skip that. More pieces started to fit together in his mind.

Before he could hit you with another round of questions to try to deduce why you had gotten sick earlier, you said something that tied it all together for him.

“I was just doing some of my work and I got overwhelmed. Before I knew it, I felt the need to vomit and thankfully-”

The rest of your statement about how you got out and away from Tighnari’s things just before you vomited didn’t matter because it suddenly made sense now. He just… he just didn’t know how to tell you because it was obvious you weren’t aware of the situation.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he said, coming to sit next to you on the bed. He picked up one of the carefully made bracelets and ran his hand through it before taking it off and laying it back down. The silence was unbearable to him. “About what you said earlier, though, I’m sorry for always getting onto you for not studying. It’s really none of my business. I just know how much you want this degree and I don’t want to see you give up on it.” Maybe he could ease you into this conversation to make things easier.

You exhaled a tired sigh. “It’s okay. I know I should study more. I just… don’t always feel like it and when I do go to study, like today, I just get so… sick. I threw up last week, too, in Pardis Dhyai. I don’t know what’s going on, to be honest.”

“Do you think that maybe you’re just burnt out?”

Your eyes widened a bit, and you peered up at him as he looked at you, his eyes full of concern and worry. You quickly looked away, your fingers fumbling with the flower bracelet in your hand. “No. How could I be burnt out when I love what I do?”

“I understand thinking that, but (Y/N), it’s more common than you’d think.” He shifted his position to be a bit closer and he gently grabbed one your hands to still your fidgeting. “You’ve worked so hard for so long, it’s normal for this to happen.”

“Yeah, but I always take breaks,” you retorted. “I shouldn’t be burnt out already. Not like this.”

His thumb rubbed gentle, loving circles into the back of your palm. “Even before you joined the Academiya, you were working on what your thesis would be and what research you would do. You’ve put in so much time for so long.” He paused, watching a tear drop from the corner of your eye. “You haven’t mentioned your thesis in a while, either.”

“They keep getting rejected,” you hiccupped, pulling your hand away from his. You turned away, feeling a sense of shame because of the position you were in. You pulled your knees up to your chest and let out a shaky breath, feeling the sick, overwhelmed feeling from earlier settle into your stomach again. “I keep trying to come up with something new and interesting, but it’s never enough. I want to keep trying because I love this – I love the research, the new things I discover, the people and places. But ever since my third thesis was rejected, I just felt… I just felt sick every time I think of doing field work.”

Tighnari didn’t know how best to comfort you in this situation. If it was him, he would just want to be left alone to regain his composure, but he knew you didn’t function like that. He moved his position to sit beside you once again and he placed an arm around your waist to pull you toward him. “It’s not uncommon to get your thesis rejected, y/n, so don’t let that discourage you-”

“But it keeps happening,” you cried, your tears dropping onto his clothes. “I don’t feel like this dream of mine is even meant for me anymore. Maybe I’m not cut out-”

“Hey, hey,” Tighnari interrupted you, his voice firm. “Don’t even begin to think like that, because it’s not true. Some of the smartest people out there have gotten multiple theses rejected. That doesn’t mean they weren’t capable of achieving what they wanted. It just means it took a little extra time. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But there is something wrong with you discrediting yourself and your abilities, because you are more than capable of reaching your goals and everyone around you can see that.”

“I’m just worried that if I don’t achieve this, I’ll let you and everyone else down,” you murmured.

“You could never let me down,” he said, sincerity clear in his words. Your lips quivered and you felt more tears surface as you turned to hug your boyfriend. Those were some of the exact words you needed to hear at the moment, and you would most likely need to him say them again at a later time, but right now was all you needed to feel a spot of hope begin to grow inside you. Once he was sure your cries had calmed down enough for you to listen to him again, Tighnari planted a kiss on the top of your head before he pulled back to give you another on your nose. “And you know I’m always here to help you, no matter what it is. I’m rooting for you, Collei is rooting for you, and I’m sure the other forest watchers are, too. We all know that you’re capable of accomplishing this, now you just have to believe in yourself.”

[star-girl69]

Baby don't even apologise for late responses cause regardless of when you reply to me, the response will most definitely have me in space and floating on cloud 9 for the rest of the day.

- ❤️

(Honey I miss you all the time and I think your beauty is unmatched. I call you a gorgeous goddess for a reason❤️❤️❤️)

(You're good at chemistry🤭🤭🤭dammmmmn beauty and brains??? Cause how am I supposed to not fall in love????I can't wait to read what you're writing(remember we are patient and understanding don't push yourself) You sound so hardworking 🤭)

(I LIVE FOR YOUR YAPSSSS. I NEED MOREEEEEE. Tell me about today??? (no pressure though ❤️❤️❤️))

(You're amazing❤️)

i saw i got this ask and then jumped up and down right? like as one does and then my bff said “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU” and i was like “GIRL YOU DONT WANNA KNOW” and then she grabbed by phone from me and i was like “girl you’re not gonna like it” and then she threw my phone down and started fake gagging like i toldddddd youuuuuuuu

anyways….

(honey 🤭🤭) ALL THE TIME?????? RAHHHHH i was so sad yesterday bc idk what time zone you’re in but i had to go an ENTIRE DAY without a reply and i was like having withdrawals…. not even funny

i love when you call me gorgeous goddess it makes me like not okay in the head yk? like. i think you can infer how it makes me feel…. 🤭

i’m INSANE at chemistry im taking ap chem next year in fact but i actually have a complaint

THIS SHIT took me forever and then my teacher wasn’t even here today so i could have had an entire day more to do it but WHATEVER. WHATEVER ITS FINE 🙄🙄🙄 it’s not hard or anything it just takes forever and also there’s so many numbers and i SUCK at math so there’s a possibility that i messed up my calculations but IDC!!!!!!! i’m too tired to check it

because of you is turning out so bleh. i don’t like it lmao 😭😭 but i mean idk i’ll still publish probably tmrw hopefully tmrw aka tuesday

i KNOW you all are patient and understanding but i am NOT so 😭😭😭

i fear you are wrong and i am not hardworking do we not remember me talking about how i procrastinate 24/7

THANK YOU IM GIGGLING FR I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE THE WAY YOU MAKE ME FEEL 🤭🤭🤭

today is fine so far but OH MY GOD my ap lang teacher handed us back our synthesis essays and then asked me if i could read mine outloud as what to show everyone NOT to do i was like GIRLLLL NO WAY 😭 but it’s ok i think mrs b still loves me ☹️ it was like bc my topic sentences did not align w my thesis and i was like ok i mean you’re right but wtv… i’m struggling so bad w writing rn idk what’s going on. i mean i still got an 8/10 while most people got 7 or 6 so i still ate.

also i love baby hippos

and i have sat prep class today after so that SUCKS let’s hope it’s not like last week when i had that BLINDING headache good lord. did not rival the great headache of 2022 but still

idk. anyways sorry i hope you know this makes me like AHHHHHH giggle kick my feet all the stuff i’m not good at expressing it but ☹️ you get the point hopefully…

giggling 🤭 YOURE amazing 💋💋

[c03xistentw01]

ight i have a lot on my mind i gotta write it all up real good real fast before i forget.

last night i went to some random ass town called Gorizia on the border with slovania for work. The whole region was so slovanian that even in the market where we worked the signs and shit they were all bilingual in italian and slovanian.

slovanian lowkey gives off turkish vibes.

not so many of us came from padova so we just hoped on a black van and left. the driver who gave off strong leonardo vibes was playing twenty one pilots for the good portion of the time. i liked him kinda. i was lowkey admiring his long neck the entire time of the trip when i was sitting behind him liKE A FUCKING PERV YES IKR.

i didn't get to have much convo with him. i actually got none. except for the time when after legit 6 hours of work in the market he saw me and was like "lets go lets go lets go" without even looking at me for a sec thinking well since I'm speaking english the lil bitch is supposed to I'm talking to her ight?

there was this other guy from pd who i legit got to have a convo in italian with which felt nice and ... weird? cuz I'm never mentally prepared to speak italian?

and oh my god I'll never forget 'Vlad'. My team leader there.

he would see me across the hall miles away and shout my name "Paaaaaaaria" with theatrical eye rollings. And then see my work and be like "Maaaaarvelous. If you ever need any assistance (except for of course boyfriend material stuff) just call me. I'm used to be called with any consonant".

he once moved some stuff which made a loud noise i looked at him he was like im sorry i didnt mean to be this much dramatic *followed by yet another theatrical eye roll".

basta. when i got home and to my bed i was so tired i couldn't even sleep. i woke up at 11 am tho. went to mensa. got anxious. felt short (about that i was walking in portello some other day with hilal when a tall girl was walking towards us with her friend i heard her say "bassa" looking at me and the other "si sente" and looking down.

yes.

ladies and gentlemen. this happened. people are mean dead-inside assholes. They say whatever shit they want, making more space in your mind to wonder whether other people have always thought the same but never mentioned it.

although the pain the bitch inflicted was soon oddly compensated when hilal said "but girl you are average".

later that night when we were already drunk we decided to go to hilal's house and get more booze on the way because why not and also because hilal left italy to turkey on the following day.

we got there got more drunk. ade joined. we got high. I started speaking italian ade was like wtf you're at least B1.

before that hilal was talking about berfin and sometimes i get this feeling when other people are opening up to me deeply that okay but why do i not do that with them? like why do i find it so freaking difficult to open up about something that happened to me and was way more brutal but there my friends. is exactly where you start losing friends. so you keep your mouth shut.

but anyway. that night i realized it's different with hilal. when she opens up mi sento piu leggere invece.

i saw fatima today at mensa after a longass time cuz she was in cividale and i was just ... busy surviving the shitwave of shit of which I've had nothing but recently. She told me about this weirdass roomie of her who according to her has been hacked by some creepy dude for the past 12 fucking years. the dude even deleted his thesis and stuff. Fatima said i even once asked her to share her internet with me through hotspot and she was like no this is how my sister got hacked as well i dont recommend u do the same. i mean the whole fucking situation is so fucking creepily stupid we all dont know whether to feel pity whether to laugh cuz shit looks so fucking um .... surreal? or to call the police asap cuz i mean cmon.

[mynameisnowwyrm]

I genuinely need to know if this is an actual thing or if I'm just talking out of my ass so if you have something to add please do.

Hypothesis, thesis statement, whatever you call it: mainstream shows approach sexuality as if it is fixed in place with no fluidity.

Either a main character is gay from the beginning and out and proud, or a main character is gay from the beginning and in the closet and they're gonna do a whole self acceptance coming out storyline. Either way, the audience knows the characters sexuality.

Specifically (I'm thinking of 2010s shows) when a show starts off telling you all the sexualities of the main characters. Straight character, straight character, gay character, straight character. A lot of the times there will be a significant queer ship among the fans between the straight characters (bc people don't usually write good relationships for their queer characters but that's another story) but you get the feeling this is never going to be a thing bc the unspoken logic of the world regarding sexuality of the main characters is that the audience always knows. They already had this one queer character from the jump who everyone knows is queer so they aren't going to ever do a storyline where one of the other characters has believed they were straight their whole life and the whole time has been shown to the audience to be straight but is going to discover that's not the case, bc the sexualities of the characters are fixed in place.

I'm thinking specifically of 2010s shows here bc it's an interesting point in time. 2000s shows, if they had any gay characters at all, you get the feeling that "there's already one gay side character, quota filled" from the writers so you don't expect more. Coming into the 2020s were seeing a diversifying of queer characters in TV, with different sexualities and gender identities being represented. Im not saying there's a a hard line of linear progression in representation and we are far far away from perfect representation but its better than in previous years.

The main one that comes to mind for me is teen wolf. The show is set up so that homophobia is not a thing, therefore all of the queer characters are out and stated to be queer on screen, leading you to the conclusion that if one of the main characters was queer, it would have been brought up. I know they made jackson queer in I think the last season where he cameos for two episodes but that happened entirely off screen after the character had been gone for five years, none of that development had been done where we could see or with a character that was still a main character.

Quick aside, a lot of the time I see the question "is this queerbait or is this just a slow burn romance between two people of the same gender?" And the answer is usually queerbait. I have never seen a mainstream show do a queer slow burn romance because of the fixed sexuality thing. No matter how strong the character's bond is, how much relationship coding there is, unless writers start diversifyingtheir view of queerness, both characters in the ship need to already be explicitly queer for it to be a possibility. So 1. you need two established queer characters, 2. they need to both be in the show at the same time 3. they need to both be significant to the story, so main character x side character we see only occasionally doesn't count. Name one mainstream show that has all three to begin with, let alone a will they won't they style slow burn romance instead of immediately putting the characters in a relationship. That's why I feel like if a show ever does do this it will be incredibly ground breaking, they will literally be breaking the mould.

I feel like I've tapped into a whole branch of queer theory regarding how queerness is seen in society that I'm not equipped to adequately explain.

[sizhui]

angie -waving rlly hard -0 why cant i backspace on asks. anyways can i hear ur thoughta on eichi. please ignore the spelling mistakes. ive never heard empathy and eichi in the same sentence and im so curious

HI MATTHEW WAVES BACK!!! of COURSE i've been wanting to talk about Eichi here again seriously so thank you so much for asking ^__^ wait let me sit down and get a glass of wine. Okay. I have a LOT of thoughts about Eichi which are tied to my thoughts about Enstars as a whole so this might end up being incomprehensible but im gonna try to be systematic!

AFTERWORD AFTER WRITING THIS: im genuinely sorry for how insane and reach-y this might sound, this is just my interpretation of the story of enstars and I’m an extremely autistic literature major who read too much pandora hearts in his formative moments...

i. The true nature of the world of Enstars

To talk about how Eichi fits into the story of Enstars, I first have to explain how I view the story itself. The quote that first prompted me to start thinking about Enstars as a sort of a metafictional story was this Wataei conversation from EP:Link:

Wataru: Therefore I plead of you, do not leap to your death nor do anything similar, alright? This world is a dream that you are seeing, so if you die, those who live inside it - yes, even we - will disappear.

Eichi: Is this Alice's adventures in wonderland? Do stop that - if you're the one saying such things, they seem much more plausible... I'm not God, you see? I don't want everything to be just a fantasy of mine. Until the moment my dreams came true, I have always resented God. So, if I truly were God, I would have just been living a farcical one-man show of a life this entire time, no?

Wataru: Even a one-man show can be fulfilling, so long as an audience is there to view it.

I started really racking my brains when I read this. I definitely do not think Enstars would pull a twist as cheap as "everything was just Eichi's fantasy in his sickbed", but this definitely means thatt the world of Enstars is something else than what it appears to be at first glance. After a lot of thought, this is the thesis I came up with:

The world of Enstars functions like a story. The story of Enstars functions like an independent world. Various characters are, to various degrees, aware of this and of the outside audience consuming it, and attempt (and sometimes succeed) to manipulate the narrative and their role within the story. Originally (AKA before the War) everyone within the world of Enstars was very strictly defined by their narrative role within the story: there was the Protagonist (AKA Top Idol - the Godfather, Akepapa, Hidaka Seiya...), there were minor characters (such as Keito who speaks of his struggles to accept himself as a minor character in Crossroad) and then there were those with more interesting roles, such as the Three Eccentrics/Oddballs before they became Oddballs - whose role was more or less to give and give without recieving anything in return. Can I take a small detour and talk about Kanata? I am going to take a small detour to talk about Kanata.

i. i. “the unconditional giver”

I alwayssss see Kanata’s story quoted as the example of Enstars being cheap shock value... but to me, Meteor Impact was one of the most interesting, subtle and thought-provoking stories I read! It presents Kanata’s life this way - he is a God who fulfills wishes. Both for the Shinkai cult and for his peers at Yumenosaki, he fulfills them without being extended any empathy in return. That’s all he is - a wish fulfilling machine. And he seems to be content with that, because it’s all he knows. Once a great calamity comes, the Cult will sacrifice him and feast on his flesh. The end.

One of the heaviest scenes of Meteor Impact, to me, is Kanata finally realizing that his living situation is inhumane through his friendship with Chiaki, a “normal boy” - This kid has never been hugged by anyone before…? says Chiaki. Did he live in an environment that never let him think of that as lonely and misfortunate… and was enshrined as a Living God, just to continue granting wishes? This really is cruel. If there is such a thing as evil in this world - then it must be this.

Yes, so it seems, Kanata finally realizes. I didn’t know that, because my household is within the ocean, I had not once thought of it as agonizing. Humans can’t breathe underwater. Oh gosh, couldn’t someone have at least told me that? 

A child being unable to recognize its own abuse and mistreatment isn’t something that only happens to victims of cults and cannibalism. Kanata explains the process of his sacrifice like this: They tore the sacrifice into parts and everyone ate a piece of it. (...) Once they become sacrifices, they are no longer humans. They become fish - beings made to be eaten. What would a being made to be eaten to satisfy the needs of everyone represent in a more everyday situation? Let’s take a look at it from a different angle.

Shinkai Kanata is a good child, a good student. to the Family and to his peers he fulfills expectations and emotional needs without being extended any empathy in return. He is liked, respected, and even loved, but in the end that’s all he is - a wish fulfilling machine. And just with that, he is content, because it’s all he knows. Once he realizes this is unfair, everyone will have already “eaten their share of him” - taken what they wanted and left.

“Humans eating fish” represents his dehumanization from the Cult/Family. Dehumanization is a major theme in the story of the Three Oddballs - in fact, an “Oddball” is an artificial narrative role fabricated by Eichi whose purpose is to be dehumanized, to become an object for the minor characters to rally against and earn their self respect by trampling the Oddballs over. 

In Rei’s case, the Other are vampires instead of fish. Let’s look at Rei’s quote during his one moment of feeble rebellion against being reduced to the role of an unconditional giver - I have a dream too. I have my own life. Are you telling me to give those up to serve everyone else? If you’re telling me that’s a sin, if even that level of selfishness is unacceptable, then I wish I’d never been born. Isn’t everyone living for their own sake? Why am I the only exception? Is it because I’m not human, but a vampiric demon?

Let’s connect the three stories - one about a fish god, one about a vampiric demon, and one about the greatest performer for whom every trick is possible - into a singular story about a child who everyone thinks is so advanced and mature that they deny them their right to a normal childhood. About a child who will give and give to family and friends in return for hollow praise until nothing remains of their original self - until they are reduced to a creature who lives to be consumed by others. 

Which leads us to...

ii. the War

If we’ve established that the world of Enstars is a story, then a battle for prestige within that world is automatically a battle for prestige within the story. The infamous War of Yumenosaki, approached from this angle, is a battle for relevance within the story, characters battling it out for the role of the protagonist. Tsumugi describes it in Element very clearly for what it is, without any metaphors:

Convinced that they are the main character, they chose the best option for themselves. All they did was put in the effort to make their lives a little better, for the sake of their own happiness. You can’t deny something like that, and it’s not even “evil”. They simply wanted to give a happy ending to the story where they’re the protagonist - the book known as “their life.” They simply just wanted to be happy. And in the story of Yumenosaki Academy, where Eichi-kun became the main character...”

So, to win battles in the war means to elevate your own importance to the story, while to lose means... we all know what happened to Naru’s admirer. The people who died in the war did not only have their dreams broken and commit suicide - they were entirely pushed out of the narrative, not even given names. Even worse than that - they became nothing but a source of guilt for Eichi or something pushing Naru to change as a person - and that, being reduced to mere fuel for another’s character arc, is the most tragic fate for a character who aimed to be the protagonist. 

Okay, we finally got to Eichi. Eichi’s original narrative role seems to be something along the lines of “to die misunderstood.” But Eichi, despite being a person who barely understands human relationships and emotions on a human level, has very good understanding of the mechanics of his world and the nature of the characters around him. He utilizes the roles of the Unconditional Givers and fabricates a new artificial role, turning them into Oddballs, and he has all the minor characters of Yumenosaki “eat their share” of them until they are completely trampled over. Some minor characters, such as Naru’s admirer, fall, while some, like Eichi, rise. Tsumugi also had a major role in this (ough Tsumugi deserves an entirely separate post tbh but I’ll just say that his role is unlike otherss because he seems to see himself as someone “outside the story” rather than a character in it?) And through a long chain of using others and being used by Tsumugi to reach Tsumugi’s vision of the Maximum Hapiness of the Majority world, Eichi finally usurps the role of the Protagonist. As shown in Daydream:

Hey, Wataru. You might not believe me, but you were my hero (idol). So in the end, I defeated you. I had all the heroes I’ve admired crawling at my feet; overcoming my inferiority complex, I obtained my life. An ephemeral, vain dream, but my life. My story.

My body trembles, and I throw up. Unable to hold it in, I cough up a mass of blood. Ahh, Wataru’s graceful, perfect, beautiful face is dirtied with blood. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for being born.

As we see, Eichi has won. But he is not happy. In fact, he is extremely, extremely suicidal, and while rising through the ranks of the story, he sets up a death trap for himself: Hibiki Wataru.

Eichi sets Wataru up as the final opponent, the final bite to eat, his human prize - but in Element, the night before Wataru’s execution, he makes a frail confession: I don’t actually want to see you lose. Uttering those words, Eichi confesses: It is I who wants to be erased.

Between the War and EP:Link, the relationship with Wataru was meant to be Eichi’s means of committing suicide. The final betrayal from Wataru he talks about in EP:Link, the logical conclusion of their story, was supposed to mark his death. This is why Eichi goes to commit suicide in EP:Link after Wataru seemingly abandons him to join a theater troupe. All Wataru has to do is trample Eichi like he’d trampled him and his companions, and all would be well…Or would it?

Natsume: ...you are always so sharp-sighted. If Master can only dance according to a script, then all we need to do is prepare a scenario where the Five Oddballs will win against Fine. (...) I looked for the possibility of us reaching a happy ending. Don’t we, the Five Oddballs... don’t we have the right to be happy too?

Wataru: There is happiness even for villains. You simply do not understand, as you are still young... Everything you desperately prepared is a dream that cannot influence this reality. If we trample upon countless others for the sake of our own happiness... we really will become monsters.

Hibiki Wataru has a plan.

iii. poop i dont know how to title this poop

Let us go back to that first defining scene I mentioned - Eichi has built the foundations of his dream, deduced that Wataru has abandoned him, and prepares to die, and fulfill his original role. Wataru’s words here are enigmatic and interesting. For one, he says Even a one-man show can be fulfilling, so long as there is an audience there to view it. Who is the audience? The audience is “you”, the story’s reader. Even Wataru’s hollow existence as a farcical clown can be meaningful so long as someone turns his eyes to him and finds meaning in it. But how does he get you to do so? What does he do to turn your gaze, among so many characters, to him alone?

He decides to love Eichi.

This “transformative love” is also described well by Keito in crossroads. Though Keito’s love for Eichi remains one-sided and unfulfilled, I find this one of the most meaningful descriptions of love I’ve seen in a story:

Eichi, your dream and mine might not be exactly the same. (...) For it seems that you harbor a pitch-black and muddy hatred within your chest - something that not even I, who has known you for years, cannot comprehend. A darkness that cannot be purified, no matter how many times I recite the sutra. But I still want to save you. Because you have always been my one and only comrade. It’s as if we are separate halves who share the same soul. You are no stranger; you are my very best friend. And I am the son of a temple. Even an incomprehensible creature who is not loved by anyone - it is a monk’s role to hold them close, to love them, to save them. By helping you - you who are just like me - I feel like I myself can achieve salvation as well.

Unfortunately, Keito was not able to save Eichi in the way he needed to be saved. Let us go back to the ending of Daydream.

Eichi: But I could only choose a path that lead me neck-deep in a sea of blood. And that’s why, even if it’s with my enemy, I longed for warmth. Being supported by arms. Embraced. Unconsciously wanting to be spoiled, I rest my cheek against my enemy.

Alone on top of the world, Eichi realizes that his dream all along has been love. Not to become a protagonist on top of the world, but a world where everyone, even he, can become the protagonist. And Wataru tells him, This world is a dream that you are seeing, so if you die, those who live inside it - yes, even we - will disappear. 

He tells him, look at this world, and you will see that that dream has already come true.

There aren’t many memorable things about the first Main Story of Enstars, but one thing that always stuck with me is how Trickstar’s true revolution wasn’t in winning a drefes - anyone could do that, become a new Protagonist, and continue the endless cycle. Their true revolution was in, in the end, perceiving Eichi as an equal and, iirc, letting him choose if he wants to break their tie or put his health and life first. In extending empathy to him. 

After that act, Enstars as a story begins rejecting the notion of a protagonist and becomes a story that repeats the same events many times from everyone’s perspective, giving everyone’s worldview equal importance and being equally meaningful no matter who you choose as your viewpoint character. what Wataru wants to tell Eichi that despite his “crime”, despite Eichi seeing himself and his deeds as disgusting, his dream has reached people - even people outside their world, the readers looking into their world. Despite Eichi being a selfish person - which he is, in many ways - his dream of love and compassion sustains an entire narrative defined and transformed by love. 

You can take all mentions of “the story” in Enstars as purely metaphorical, but if you look at it from a meta perspective with certain characters such as Wataru and Eichi being aware of the story’s existence, then the world of Enstars is a story that’s reached its good ending the moment a reader approaches it with enough goodwill and compassion to come to think of it in such a way. The moment you realize Trickstar’s true revolution wasn’t in winning a DreFes, but in taking Eichi as their equal and empathizing with him. When you as a reader do the same - extend enough empathy to understand everything about Eichi: his desire to win, his desire to die, his selfishness, his selflessness - the storyworld of Enstars unravels before you and rewards you with a good story.

And it doesn’t stop at Eichi. Enstars repeats the same thing again with Eden and then Crazy:B - introducing a character as initially antagonistic, but also revealing their past and their worldview to the reader in a caring way, urging you to want to understand them and empathize with them. This is the only way to “win at Enstars”.

iv. the answer

I believe that the following quote is the most defining sentence in all of Enstars:

Wataru: We are human beings, and so we change, and we grow to love and admire people and such. That is precisely what the answer is - love is precisely what the answer is. I love you, and that is why I’ll continue to be with you from now on.

Eichi is a person with a limited capacity for empathy. As we see in Checkmate, he sympathizes with people by projecting on them, and thinks everyone thinks the same way he does. And one of Eichi’s biggest errors is thinking that human relationships are purely transactional. This is why after Daydream, which can be taken as Eichi “confessing to his crime,” he always believed he would be betrayed in turn by Wataru, and accepted it.

And if it were the same old story, he would receive his punishment willingly, and the cycle would repeat. But Eichi is not the only one who changed the story of Enstars. Wataru - who is, if you remember, aware of the existence of the story, rather than punishing Eichi, chooses to love him and accompany him through the hardships of life. Why?

Wataru’s narrative role is that of an unconditional giver who receives no recognition or satisfaction in return, doomed to only skillfully copy for an eternity, never having anything of his own. And rather than fighting in the War to elevate his role, Wataru employs a different strategy to give his own existence a purpose. He subverts that role - he realizes that the only way he can make an impact on the narrative is through changing Eichi, consciously devoting his role in the story to Eichi so that Eichi can experience unconditional love for the first time, and so the narrative can be transformed. Yes, it was Eichi’s dream of love that changed the world of Enstars, but it’s through Wataru’s loving influence that that dream could be realized. And Wataru isn’t doing it only out of love for Eichi, but also as a rebellion against his own predetermined role by becoming an active giver rather than a passive one.

 Eichi: ...A mask? Isn’t that a precious item of yours, part of your collection?

Wataru: Indeed. This is me, and I offer this to you.

Wataru doesn’t devote himself to Eichi because it’s something Eichi wants or deserves - he does so because devoting his role in the story to another is an ultimate act of love in a world that is itself a story. It’s the only way to meaningfully change anything. By choosing to love Eichi, the person who “ desperately tethered him to this world”, Wataru is giving you, the reader, a push towards his own ideals. He wants you, the reader, to see a better story than the existing one.

And love, in all forms, is at the center of the whole story-world of Enstars. This story of Eichi and Wataru, of a person being senselessly, completely loved and accepted for the first time, lives in every other character’s story. In Leo finally being wanted for more than just his songs, in Kuro being able to sew with his hands that once only knew how to hurt others. Wataru, that person who is doomed to copy others, found a way to make himself the blueprint for all love in Enstars, and its world is defined by that love. And that is his rebellion. That is his strategy.

Rather than squabbling with others for the role of the protagonist, he reaches outside the story, directly to the reader and grabs you - look at me. I am everywhere. Wataru won the war.

SUMMARY:

Only through extending empathy to Eichi could the story of Enstars be changed on an in-universe level, and only through extending empathy to Eichi can a reader outside the story come to realize its full potential and meaning! Loving Eichi is the key, and Wataru showed you how to do it!

[blackjack-15]

Do you have any NHIE s4 post-boink theories that don’t involve ghosting? I feel like that’s a definite possibility but also this show has surprised me every season. I know a lot of fan fics had them avoiding each other/awkward after Malibu but then in 2x1 Ben smiled at her all day at school and then was immediately like “let’s talk about the kiss, Im single now, can we date?” I feel like Ben doesn’t avoid awkward things. He brought up the 1x8 kiss attempt(s) as well the first day they were back in school.

Curious to hear your theories on the fallout.

Thank you so much for the ask! I do love to theorize even when (especially when!) it's Immediately tossed out upon the next season airing.

I'm of the firm belief that Ben/Devi won't ghost each other post-boink -- at least not fully, even if they're awkward for a bit. Post-birthday-kiss-attempt and post-Malibu they didn't avoid each other -- land, even post Incredibly Public Revelation of Cheating they didn't avoid each other; Devi tried desperately to get things back to "normal", and Ben made his "too bad you're not moving" comment and actively antagonized her in class. I'd even argue that the thesis statement of 2X04 is that these two cannot avoid each other -- primarily because neither one really tries (and neither one really wants to).

In my moderately qualified opinion -- noting that the show has surprised me several times, and will probably continue to do so -- I think that the general audience is very well aware of how Devi feels towards Ben; we had the jealousy in the let's-kiss-someone-so-we-don't-kiss-each-other scenes in 3X05, the stomach knots in 3X10, the blink-and-you'll-miss-it moments pre-Valentines with Ben and Aneesa, etc etc just in S3 (let alone all the jealousy, pining, and unresolved feelings in S2). Because Devi is our main POV character, we can be pretty assured how she feels -- the stomach knots were just the Final Confirmation.

Ben, on the other hand, has had 2 POV episodes, both of which revolve around his two central conflicts: his conception of his current self (generally expressed through his home/family) and his drive to be a better version of himself (generally expressed through his interactions with Devi), but we don't know as much about Ben's current feelings towards Devi -- other than, of course, the fact that he both loves her and is in love with her (to say otherwise is to simply ignore...well, everything from Jaren's performance to the writing to the very visible (at this point) plot arcs for the characters in the show).

As a viewer, dramatic irony is one of my favorite devices in a romance; in this case, the large thing that stands out to me is that the viewers know that Devi is staying for her senior year, her family knows she's staying, Principal Grubbs (I'd assume, given the paperwork that would have to be filled out otherwise) knows she's staying, but, as of the door closing pre-kiss in 3X10, Ben does not know, and for me that's a sticking point.

As far as Ben Gross knows, up until that door shuts in the viewer's face, Devi is leaving for Shrubland and has turned up at his door (just fully in his house, bless her) to cash in the coupon he gave her. When we consider it that way, it's easy to see how he might frame it as a Goodbye or an "I'll Miss You Too" gesture. Knowing that they shot several versions of that scene and chose one with only bare minimum dialogue says to me that they wanted those strings up in the air until S4. Now, whether we see her tell him that night, whether she tells him during the summer, or whether she shows up for registration -- or something else entirely, as Devi regularly surprises me -- how he finds out will inform his reaction, and will inform how he and Devi relate to each other in the beginning of S4.

My personal theory (which is about half interpretation and half my own preferences) is that Devi innocently assumes Ben knows she's not going to Shrubland (a very Devi thing to do, especially if she's already told Eleanor et al) and thus doesn't say anything concrete about it until right before the school year starts. Ben, who has been in "this is what I'm going to get to I'll make the most of the summer" mode and has been avoiding talking about Shrubland for that reason, now has to reframe everything in his mind and decide if the way Devi is with him means anything to her. I don't think either one will avoid the other, but I do think our two lovely idiots in love are going to have to figure out once and for all exactly what they want the other to be for them in their lives -- and I think it'll depend largely on how Devi leads out, because Ben at this point is probably going to be once-bitten, twice-shy.

That being said, if Eleanor is the one to clue him in I will shriek with shipper-on-deck joy.

[tendercoretroglodyke]

... I’m interested in legitimately gay Reese (I assume one piece of evidence is “look at what they’re doing and tell me you’re not gay”)

okay this is like 2 days late but this is why reese malcolminthemiddle is legitimately gay:

(side note: did anyone need a queer media thesis paper or something... I am willing to share lmao)

so none of this is like... rock solid evidence or anything but I need to believe at least one main character of a show is gay and/or trans to maintain interest and reese is the most plausible gay character. also it’s early 2000′s so he just gets a lot of vaguely homophobic jokes lmao

first of all, yes, the biggest piece of evidence he’s gay is those lines from that episode I quoted the other day--thinking malcolm is gay, he tries to show his support by giving him a gay porno: “’Naught Pool Boys 3!’ I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.” and when malcolm says he isn’t gay, reese responds “Malcolm. Check out what those guys are doing in that movie, and THEN tell me you’re not gay.”-- so, 1) reese sat down and watched like a dozen gay porn movies to ““find a good one for his gay brother”” and 2) he thinks malcolm would reconsider his heterosexuality if he watched what was in that movie, implying that HE reconsidered his sexuality after watching that movie, or at the very least found it hot

in the same episode, the character tricking malcolm into thinking reese is gay lists the following as evidence: he obsesses over his hair and his looks, loves his gourmet cooking, has a bunch of magazines covered in comically muscular men, and that he’s angry and acts like a jerk because he’s “dealing with something weird and confusing.” now obviously, the obsession with hair/looks can be chalked up to the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and there’s nothing inherently gay about enjoying cooking. the dozen magazines of muscle-bound men could certainly be taken as gay evidence, though, and it IS established in the show that his entire bully persona is his way of masking his inner feelings and insecurities. there’s literally a whole episode where he & malcolm realize they have no friends because they act like little shits to push people away because they’re afraid of rejection and/or abandonment from their peers. they ostracize themselves before they can be ostracized by the other students at school. I could probably write a whole other essay on reese’s psyche tbqh lmao there’s a shocking amount there!!

of the brothers who are actually old enough to be attracted to girls (reese, malcolm, and francis), he shows the least interest. now bear with me here. you might be thinking, “well, yeah, it’s malcolm’s show, we’re not gonna see things from other people’s perspective!” but that is actually surprisingly untrue, the show is very much equally shown from each family members’ perspectives. starting about s2, when malcolm is in early middle school, he starts getting crushes on girls and pursuing them. francis goes after a few women in the first couple seasons and then marries a woman we see a lot throughout the show. 

in the roughly... 130?? episodes I have watched so far, nearly all of reese’s “interest” in girls involve either: competition with malcolm, genuinely just liking her as a friend, or some completely ulterior motive. the only exception to this I can think of is in the early seasons where he has a crush on a cheerleader and tries to get on her good side by joining the cheerleading squad, which the writers clearly set up as a way to make gay jokes about reese. let me give you a few examples of his relationships with girls

the first relationship we see him in is with a “stupid girl” that malcolm tried (and failed) to date, and the main reason they get together is that they think on the same wavelength and genuinely seem to enjoy hanging out. they take breaks from their bro chats to make out every once in a while. eventually he gets her to break up with him because he doesn’t want to go to the school dance with her (he doesn’t want to go at all). years later, he’s dating some girl we meet for like 5 minutes, before he goes to confess to her that she’s the first girl he’s ever loved. she then breaks up with him. he’s sad, but taking it fairly well. he’s about to leave when he sees malcolm hiding under the bed, and learns that he stole his girlfriend. he then runs away to join the army. he was clearly MUCH more upset that his brother stole his girlfriend than he was that his girlfriend broke up with him. there are many more instances of him and malcolm competing for a girl’s affections, and he seems mostly motivated by the competition itself.

in addition to “stupid girl,” he also manufactures an “attraction” to his female army buddy in the last season. the premise of this episode is that his old army buddy (a girl he play-wrestles with and insults like he would his own brothers) comes to visit him, and malcolm convinces reese that she’s attracted to him, and that reese’s nervousness at learning that fact is proof he’s in love with her. there’s a misunderstanding where reese asks her if she has certain “feelings” and she says she does, but what she ACTUALLY means is that she has a crush on reese’s MOM. she’s a lesbian. reese later propositions her (saying he’s saved his virginity for this--he’s probably about 18 here), and when she says omg no im gay, he is HUGELY relieved they can go back to being friends. CLASSIC mlm/wlw friendship moment. 

there’s an episode where these cute girls pick up reese (& nerds) to kiss in front of their boyfriends to make them jealous. reese is all for it, and when malcolm argues that it’s not worth his dignity and the beating he’ll get from the girl’s boyfriend, reese counters that that’s WHY he wants to do this--he’s completely invisible at school, and thinks getting beaten up for kissing some guy’s girlfriend will at least make him known around school. at no point does he indicate he’s actually attracted to this girl, and when it comes time to kiss her, he finds the weakest excuse to run away at the last minute. 

im not gonna list all of these but there’s more lmao

the following is a random assortment of one-off gay jokes and out-of-context lines with gay reese implications, often homophobically bc its early 2000′s writing:

says “I’m gay” to a girl to give malcolm a better shot at her

(again in competition with malcolm) tries to flirt with a girl by spraying milk in her face as the punchline to a joke, which is. well. hm. self-sabotaging, to say the least!!

Reese: “Do you think it’s right to totally change who you are and turn your back on EVERYTHING you believe in, just to impress a hot guy??” [his dad gives a long, blank stare, before asking:] “...Burt Reynolds hot, or Sting hot?”

“YEAH I like clouds! I call them sky kittens :)” (I just think that one’s sweet!)

“Look, Christie, here’s the thing. When I first met you, I was just messing around. But we’ve gotten so close that, now... I really like you! I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve been pretending since the day I met you. It’s so hard having to constantly cover my tracks to keep my story straight... and I don’t WANT to anymore! I’m tired of living this lie! I’m done with it. I’m sorry.”

he catfishes some guy to blackmail him, but is implied to continue the flirtation even after the catfishing/blackmail is revealed

reese is, technically, married to a man. this particular plot point is played as a joke and manages to be both racist and homophobic, so I won’t go into it. but I believe he is still married to that man. technically.

reese takes care of a huge box full of caterpillars until they pupate and become beautiful butterflies. I feel like there’s some kind of gay coming out metaphor here somewhere.

I think there are a couple other times where he comments on a guy’s attractiveness but I couldn’t find specific instances.

In conclusion: Reese is a deeply repressed gay kid who was socialized SO thoroughly as an early 2000′s straight boy that, despite his attraction for men and his obvious compulsory heterosexuality, he still cannot admit to himself that he is gay even as he enters adulthood. Furthermore, his subconscious frustration about this fact is turned outward to form the “schoolyard bully” costume he uses to mask his insecurities and keep others from getting too close to him. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I could be convinced to come back for another talk about how Dewey is trans or about how each and every member of that family is neurodivergent in entirely different ways. Assuming anyone has read this far in the first place!!

[peaches-writes]

off season

description: student athletes need to look out for each other—well, at least seungmin needs to look out for your clumsy ass most of the time member: seungmin genre: fluff, sports au, best friends to lovers au, slice of life au, summer au, a side of college au (but like the ugly ass summer classes aspect of college life), implied fem reader  word count: 11.3k warning: explicit language, blood, injuries, extreme sports, a very poor attempt at writing sports, seungmin worries the entire time for good reason  note: a bunch of stuff put together it’s not rlly good sldkfsk like it was getting too lengthy i had to like haphazardly end it somehow + the one time you see me write a sports-themed fic & it’s not abt the actual sports i play lmao + also hi @t-toodumbtocare​ u told me to tag u so here we are

one - saturday

Amidst preparations for your incoming senior thesis, choosing your course specialization, clubs, and training, Kim Seungmin rushed getting his driver’s license before the end of your 3rd year’s 2nd semester for the sole purpose of driving you around the city this summer and you’re quite sure that that’s love. Though he disapproves of your specific choice of escapade that has you running around Seoul in circles in the first place, your best friend still made sure to pass his driving classes a whole month before the previous semester ended and with flying colors so he can “look after you” as he would put it. It definitely is love—simultaneously a heartwarming and annoying one at that. 

“I can take care of myself, I’m an adult,” You feign a frown at him stubbornly for the third time this month, sliding in the front seat of his navy Subaru anyway and placing your gym bag in front of your feet. You then busy yourself with taking your roller skates out, switching them out with your old Converse. “and it’s not like I don’t know how to commute.”

But, just as you’ve had this conversation every time he picks you up from your dorm on Saturday evenings, Seungmin only dismisses your argument and replies, “Yeah, and you know transport is not the main reason why I chaperone.” From the corner of your eye, you then see him expertly shifting the gears and turning the steering wheel, driving the car to the campus’ South gate, his serious expression unwavering and making you stifle a giggle. “You could get seriously hurt playing. Your mom will kill me and your coach will kill you for that.” 

“But I haven’t yet.” You counter with a slight teasing in your tone, pretending to ignore his last comment. You don’t even repeat this argument every week in the hopes of changing Seungmin’s mind at this point; after almost two months of the same starting conversation between the two of you, you just press his buttons now for fun. Undeniably, it’s funny seeing him get visibly riled up. “I’ve been playing derby for two months and the most I’ve gotten is a severely bloody nose. It’s nothing I can’t handle—“

“Yet.” He scoffs now in frustration before turning right to the main highway, well-aware of what you’re doing but letting himself get stressed anyway. “Even athletes get seriously hurt in the field, Y/N, we both know that.” 

You only nod with a hum, twisting your body to Seungmin’s direction and poking his side. “I know, Minnie.” You assure, softer now as you finally let out the chuckle you’ve been holding. “Now relax, loosen up a bit! You know I’m just messing with you!” 

“I know and it’s getting a bit concerning.” He rolls his eyes, finally relaxing his shoulders a bit and sighing in disbelief before swiftly swatting your hand away from his waist. “You talk like you’re not training for next year’s Championships.”

“Ah, but it’s because training isn’t as strict yet, at least with mine.” You shrug, sitting up properly in your seat as you take this opportunity to change the topic. “How’s your training, by the way? I barely saw you this week. Is Jeno giving you a hard time as co-capt.?” 

You sink in your seat and look up at Seungmin expectantly after, smiling unconsciously when he doesn’t respond immediately to focus on driving, giving you a brief moment to admire his focused expression. “Training’s okay.” He eventually replies, quirking an eyebrow when he briefly glances at you over his shoulder and catches you staring. “Surprisingly, Jeno’s chill with being co-capt. We’re getting along.”

“’Chill,’ you mean lazy like you.” You scoff playfully. “Why have you been too busy to hang out this week, then?” 

“Practicing my driving so I don’t accidentally kill you first before roller skating could.” He answers dryly, making you roll your eyes. “That and Mr. Im’s giving too much papers for an intersession class.”

“Right, summer classes. So responsible.” You scrunch up your nose. “Aren’t you tired? Training, summer classes, driving me on Saturdays, not to mention we’re going to be seniors after the break...”

When you don’t speak after trailing off, you see him shaking his head. “A bit, but driving you around is relaxing.” He corrects casually, missing the way he catches you off-guard. “It helps me think and, like I’ve said before, I get to look after you so, seriously, don’t try sneaking around me and commuting on your own or I’ll start panicking.” 

Now, that is new to your Saturday conversation starter. 

“Really now?” You raise your own eyebrow, trying your best to not sound too surprised. “So you don’t hate this as much as you make it seem like?”

“I didn’t say that.” Though visibly caught off-guard too, he shakes his head as seriously as he can look, not even sparing you a glance this time as he makes another turn. “But making sure you’re alive is kind of part of the best friend job.” He explains after, making you laugh. “And driving—driving’s always fun.”

“Sure, sure.” You smile as you try playing it off coolly, looking down on your hands as heat rises up your neck. “Whatever you say, Minnie.”

-

You first got into roller derby through Yuna, a freshman in your university and a fellow figure skater who began training alongside you during the 1st semester of your 3rd year. Sometime almost two months ago, one of her derby team members, Yeji, had to cancel a few days prior to an important game to attend to her personal matters and so she immediately turned to you as a possible substitute, noting your figure skating skills and how you’re already familiar with the sport from occasionally watching her. Naturally, with your adventurous streak, curiosity got the best of you when presented with the offer and, especially after winning the game, you’ve been hooked ever since; meeting up with her and the rest of the all-girls team almost every Friday and Saturday at the warehouse on the way to Incheon where the games are usually held. 

So naturally, she always makes sure to meet you at the entrance of the venue, especially now that she’s not training with you for the summer to focus on her own summer classes and a part-time job. 

“Finally, you’re here! I missed you!” She hurriedly waves at Seungmin before throwing an arm around your shoulder in a side hug. “How have you two been, lovebirds?”

“Ya, Minnie and I aren’t like that.” You roll your eyes as you briefly hug her back by her waist, careful of her arm injury from two Saturdays ago while expertly hiding the heat flaming your cheeks. With this gesture, you almost miss the way Seungmin’s lips frown every so slightly in front of you, if it’s because of the nickname or your reaction to it, you dare not to ask for fear of further embarrassment. “And I’ve been well, Coach Park isn’t going beast mode on me yet. Seungmin here’s been busy, though.”

“Oh, right! I heard from Jeno that your first game’s in 2 weeks already.” Yena then turns to your best friend expectantly. “How’s training? The game’s on a Saturday, right?”

“It’s...fine,” Seungmin answers slowly with a hum, almost as if he’s hesitant on what word to use. You then see him narrow his eyes at you when he sees the mischievous glint in your eyes at the familiar question. “...chill, actually.”

“Chill as in lazy.” And as expected, you chime in the same words you commented on the car ride to the venue, making Yuna throw her head back in laughter. “You know how our friends are.” 

“As expected of Seungmin and Jeno together, I guess.” She nods in confirmation between laughs, making Seungmin groan in defeat even more. “How do boys in team sports even do it? Train, I mean?” 

You shrug in response, giggling at Seungmin’s annoyed expression directed mostly to you. “Guess we’ll have to see in two weeks, right? Are you free on that weekend?”

“Yeah, intersession’s been hectic, but I’ll try and clear my schedule!”  

“Oh coo—!” But before you could even comment more on a possible hangout with Yuna, Seungmin is already directing the three of you inside the warehouse impatiently. “Ya!” 

“Yeah, yeah, finish your game tonight first then I’ll think about letting you in mine. Aish, you two are so mean to me and Jeno all the time.” He huffs with a roll of eyes, stopping right in front of the path behind the audience bleachers leading to the locker rooms.

Turning to you again, he then bids you goodbye with an affectionate pat to your head and a long sigh. “Be careful tonight, okay? Make sure to wear your gear properly.”

“Always am.” You assure with a wink, holding your gear up in front of him before he can take another step back. “Relax, would you? Just enjoy the show tonight!” 

Seungmin nods at you with pursed lips one last time before waving goodbye as he starts retreating back into the crowd, most likely to join your other friends at the bleachers. “I’ll see you on the rink!”

“I’ll be the one with the star on my helmet!” You jokingly remind with a chuckle, smiling when he acknowledges you with a final wave before finally turning around to walk away properly. 

“Ah, lovebirds.” Yuna comments on the side once Seungmin fully disappears into the crowd, making you glare at her at already knowing where this conversation is going to lead to. “Every single time you’re here without fail. So romantic!”

“Yuna!” You scold much like you’ve been doing the past two months, throwing your arm around her shoulder this time as the two of you now turn left to the lockers. “It’s really not like that!” 

“I’m friends with Kai and Jeno but you don’t see those two caring if I die on the rink every game. I’m pretty sure they want me dead more than anything, even.” She points out in defense. “I’m telling you, Seungmin’s a whole keeper! And you already told me you like him too so what’s stopping yo—“

“We’re not dating ever.” You insist stubbornly, entering the locker rooms now where your teammates greet you (and Yeji scolds you again for arriving late). “He’s just looking out for me because he thinks I can’t commit to anything without threatening death. Besides, he’s busy, I’m busy—” 

“—You like him, he likes you, you’re both dense.” Yuna interjects in the same enumerating tone you used, settling on a nearby bench as you move to your locker to change and prepare your gear. “The same speech every week, and they’re not even good excuses. Seriously, just date already!”

You open your mouth to respond while taking your outer clothes off, revealing your derby uniform inside, but Lia, as expected, suddenly pops out of nowhere, asking, “Who’s dating?”

“No one—”

“Will date, you mean.” Yuna corrects, turning your frown into a scowl now as you pop your head out of your shirt, carefully discarding the material inside your locker with your gym bag in exchange for your helmet and arm gear. “You already know who.” 

At this, you see Lia smile knowingly and lean back on the bench as you hurriedly put on your gear and helmet. “Right, the lovebirds.” She nods at Yuna before turning to you. “Did anything happen this week?” 

You quickly shake your head, adjusting your helmet as you do so. “No, Yuna’s just teasing me—again.” You then sit in between the two girls, re-tying your roller skate’s laces. “Don’t listen to her, she’s delusional.”

“Um, delusional for a reason!” The girl in question protests much to Lia’s amusement, bumping her shoulders with yours in the process. “Who even drives people to places even when they don’t want to? And he always insists on looking at your injuries after every game too? I think someone’s whipped and his name begins with a Seung and ends with a Min.” 

“He’s just nice and—” You try to insist again but to no avail when you see her raising her eyebrows and smiling suggestively, your hands going up to your face sheepishly as your stubborn front easily breaks down at it. “Ugh, stop with those looks!” 

On your sides, you hear Lia and Yuna laugh, patting your back and shoulders comfortingly.  

“Hey, you know Yuna’s just messing with you.” Lia reminds you softly after a moment, prying your hands off of your face and helping you up. “You won’t let that get in your head now of all weeks, would you? It’s the re-match game against our seniors tonight!”

“It’s just you always put me up to it. Seriously, stop it!” You groan instead in protest, belatedly swatting the two away as you join your team back outside and to the rink. “I swear, if I end up getting thrown by Jeongyeon across the rink again tonight, I’m blaming it on you because you keep teasing me.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” Yuna rolls her eyes playfully just as you reach the rink, meeting the crowd’s cheers that momentarily prompts you to wave and smile at them. “maybe until later after the game.”

“Don’t even try pointing at Seungmin to me again mid-game.” You elbow her harshly, ending the conversation as the announcer, Jaemin, calls your team name and starts listing your numbers one by one in introduction. 

“...number 5 Lee Chaeryeong, number 9 Shin Yuna, and number 17 Y/N Y/L/N!” 

“I don’t have to,” Yuna retorts playfully as she prepares to slide in the rink before you, referring to your last comment. “You always find him yourself, anyway.”  

And, as if her words easily got to you, you unconsciously find Seungmin waving at you from the crowd, seated with Jeno, Kai, and Jeongin who are holding yet another cheesy poster for your team. You wave back at him out of courtesy, glancing at Yuna after to roll your eyes in her direction.

“See?” She mouths at you before moving to the very front of the group with Lia and Yeji, starting the game. “Whipped!”

Meanwhile, you skate over to the back with the opposing team’s jammer, Jeongyeon, accepting her high-five before getting in position. 

“Y/N, long time no see! Are you with your boyfriend again?” She teases just as Jaemin, blows the first whistle for the pack to start skating. “Seungmin, right? The kid from Legal Management?” 

You glance at her briefly, skating on the second whistle first before exclaiming, “Jeongyeon, not you too!” 

“I’m just asking!” She holds her hands up in defense, quickening her pace almost at the same time as you do. “Just so I know if you get distracted again!” 

“I won’t this time, promise.” You assure, using the conversation to fuel your momentum and easily overtaking her. “I’ll be focused tonight!” 

“We’ll see about that!” You hear her yell behind you as she catches up, dodging your teammates while you dodge hers to score a point. 

Swiftly, you duck and jump around the pack, making sure to avoid Seungmin’s eyes when you pass his bleachers to prove to Yuna, Lia, and even Jeongyeon otherwise as you come in contact with them. 

Eventually, with a little difficulty and a lot of harsh shoulder and hip bumps from Chaeyoung and Dahyun, you then score the first point with a huge gap between you and Jeongyeon. 

“See, I’m focused!” You brag to your senior who runs behind you before turning your gaze ahead again. 

“And the first 5 points of the night goes to number 17, Y/N!” Meanwhile, Jaemin announces into his mic from the center of the rink, catching a high-five from you as you pass. “Must be all that formal training, huh?” 

“What are you talking about? This is how I usually walk!” You reply playfully, eliciting more cheers from the crowd as you naturally change into your athletic persona. 

“And the figure skater brags again.” Jaemin muses out loud, receiving the banter well as the host. “Careful there, Y/N, Jeongyeon, number 1, is catching up quickly!” 

But despite the warning, you take the time away from the pack to momentarily slow down, waving and receiving more high-fives from the crowd before finally looking over at Seungmin who is now on his feet and clapping wildly while cheering for your team, a stark contrast of his usual worried disposition at the start of the night. When you reach his bleacher as you quicken your pace to try and score another point, you lean over the barrier and send him a confident wink which he receives with a playful scoff. 

“What are you doing? Focus on your game!” He scolds, the other boys snickering next to him.

“I’m just checking in with my biggest fan before he goes back to worried mode.” You grin at him, pinching his cheek affectionately. “How was my first five points?”

“Great, great.” He answers quickly, gently pushing you by your shoulder as if gesturing you to go back to your game. “Now, go, you have a pack to catch up to and a game to win.” 

Cute, you think to yourself, a grin forming on your features as you bid him goodbye again to go back to chasing the pack around the rink. “Okay, Minnie, whatever you say!” 

“You two are so adorable!” Sana points out as you reach her on the side of the pack after, not even bothering to block you or hit you by the hips now with how much she’s gushing over you and Seungmin. “So cute!” 

“I know, right? Unnie, can you believe they’re still not dating?” Yuna agrees, letting her guard down momentarily from blocking Sana until she sees Jeongyeon catching up to you from over your shoulder. 

“Yuna, stop it!” 

“No! It’s fu—oh, look out!” 

Behind you, Jeongyeon easily knocks Lia and Chaeryeong off their skates, her hand reaching your shoulder to propel herself forward in the tightly-knit pack. 

“Come on, guys, less talking more hitting!” Your opponent jammer sticks her tongue out, purposely waiting for you to catch up before picking up the pace again. “Y/N, you said you’re not getting distracted!” 

“Sana and Yuna were ganging up on me!” You retort in protest, bumping her by her shoulders and hips and overtaking her again. “More hitting it is then!” 

“Oh, it seems like this second game between Team Neon and Team Magenta is going to be bloody!” Jaemin, quickly picking up on the commotion, comments. “Who will be our winner tonight? It looks like it’s going to be a very close call!” 

“Ah, not on my watch.” You mumble under your breath, expertly knocking out Jeongyeon on the way to another five points. 

- 

The game ends almost two hours later, the score being 115-110 with your team emerging victorious and at least four overall cuts and bruises around your body. As soon as all the photographs have been taken for Instagram and the weekly plastic trophy has been passed around your team at least twice, Seungmin immediately takes you away from the crowd and your team right after taking your things from the locker room, his adrenaline for watching sports directing its attention to tending to you again and his cheerful expression switching back to worry. 

“Minnieee,” You call for him for the second time as you near the bathroom at the end of the hall, tiredly stumbling over nothing when Seungmin doesn’t slow down a bit with his brisk walking. “Minnie, slow down a bit, my legs are tired!” 

But he only slows down when you reach the bathroom, gently hoisting you up to sit on the cold marble of the sinks before taking out his first-aid kit and the ice packs he got from Jaemin from the outer pockets of his backpack. His serious and worried expression doesn’t falter once, looking even worse than the one he always wears on your car rides to the game. “Don’t move too much until I—until we’ve checked everything.” He instructs you, lifting your gym bag and his backpack that he’s been carrying with him to the side.

“You’re so serious again.” You feign another frown at him once you’re settled on top of the sink, gaze softening as he quietly and hurriedly shuffles around to wrap the ice packs in towels as if ignoring your comment. “Don’t I get another ‘congrats’ or a ‘good job’? I scored 85 of those 115 points. I’m fine.” 

“I already congratulated you with the others out there,” He reminds with a frustrated sigh, carefully inspecting your arms and legs for more bruises he didn’t initially notice. “and you already know you did really well against Jeongyeon this time around but that fall before the 85th point...”

At the mention of your one violent fall tonight, you shift uncomfortably in your seat. “This one?” You ask for confirmation, lifting your shift up and pulling your waistband down slightly against your heated cheeks and Seungmin’s suddenly wide eyes. Clearing your throat, you hide it again from him as quickly as you showed it and assure, “It’s fine, seriously, I—“

But, just as stubborn as you are, Seungmin’s hands move shakily to the hem of your shirt, hesitantly lifting it up after looking up at you in permission to see the harsh mark. “I-It’s turning blue. You didn’t even ice it up properly when you switched positions with Chaeyeon.” He argues back as firmly as he can and thus cutting you off from showing him your other bruises, his other hand holding up the ice pack in between the two of you. “This one really needs the ice pack more than the rest.”

Your eyes widen back at him because of the gesture, freezing for a moment in place until you quickly regain composure and manage to stutter out, “O-okay, fine...” And with that, you take his hand off your shirt, holding it up yourself while your other hand takes the ice pack from him. “Th—shit—t-thanks.”

Seungmin only nods and hums in acknowledgement awkwardly, picking up two other ice packs wrapped in a towels and leaving one to rest on your right thigh while he hovers the other over your your collarbones. “The other two don’t look too bad, though.” He comments, changing the topic and muttering a quick apology when you hiss at the simultaneous cold contact on your skin. “You’re not hurt anywhere else, right?”

“I think I have a cut on my feet, I’m not sure, it stings a bit when I put too much pressure.” You shrug your free shoulder carefully, meeting Seungmin’s eyes when you turn to him again and find him hovering dangerously close to your face. With the way he looks at you expectantly for answers, you immediately figure out that it’s not time to tease or play games with him anymore. “I-I’ll just—walk back out with slippers, it’s probably just the blisters from last week.”

“We’ll have to check that too. You also have a cut on your lip, you know.” He points out after when he leans closer, his free hand picking up a small box of face tissues from the first-aid kit. “When did this even happen?”

Instinctively, you reach out to touch your bare lips first before taking the tissues from him, only then noticing the dry skin bumps that have now formed around what you assume would be a dried cut. “Huh, I didn’t even notice.” You muse out loud, closing your mouth and taking the tissues from Seungmin immediately when you feel the wound open slightly again. “It must be from when Chaeyoung hit me—shit.”

“Nothing you can’t handle, huh?” Seungmin mumbles under his breath, looking down on your thigh to check the bruise under the ice pack he left freely on top of it. “You’re so clumsy.”

You frown at him and the reference to earlier this evening, making him crack a small amused smile when he meets your gaze again. “Fine, maybe I am a bit—clumsy.” You admit hesitantly with a sigh and a roll of your eyes when he raises an eyebrow at you again. “But at least I got you to patch me up every time, right?”

“And that’s why I chaperone you.” He reiterates firmly, briefly taking off the ice pack he’s holding against your collarbones to inspect the bruise after and furrowing his eyebrows. 

“Tch, it’s not like this happens every week. It just happened that tonight was extra violent, you know.” You reply slowly before licking your lips and disposing the tissue into a nearby chute. 

“Yeah but point you still got hurt like you always do every single week.” He retorts before picking up the ointment and cotton balls next to you, taking a step back and crouching down to the level of your skates. Untying your shoelaces then taking your skates and socks off, you lean forward to see Seungmin wince at the amount of red blotches and commenting, “Look, you even managed to open your blisters tonight.” 

“Is it that ba—sh-shit! Ya, Minnie, you’re pressing too hard on i—ya, it hurts!” You wince when Seungmin presses a cotton ball coated in ointment on one of your blisters, making you instinctively grip on the edge of the sink and lean back. 

“Ya, you really didn’t notice this? At all?” He scolds, cleaning your wounds again but this time simultaneously evading your unconscious attempts at kicking his face. 

“Well, I was too happy knowing that we’re advancing to fina—ow, ow, ow, it stings!” 

“Ah, seriously. Ya, stop moving too much, I still need to bandage these.” He hisses, slapping your leg gently before going back to cleaning your wounds. “I’ll make it up to you later, promise.” 

“Piggyback and ice cream?” You pout. “You’re being really harsh on my blisters.” 

“Wheelchair if you don’t behave and kick me in the face.” He threatens, holding your feet in place by your ankles before going back to cleaning the rest of your wounds. “Now, just hold it in a bit.” 

two - sunday

Seungmin also dotes on you by randomly checking in during your training hours. Though he’s always done this even before you started training competitively, ever since you’ve picked up your side hobby of roller derby this summer he’s started picking up a more consistent schedule of coming over on Sunday mornings (when he knows you’d still push yourself to attend training) to make sure that you’re not overworking and further damaging your already bruised and wounded body. It’s a bit too much for his character, you’d know very well as his best friend with years of observing how he treats his other student athlete friends, but he always brings you coffee and a cheat meal bento for when Coach Park isn’t looking so you can’t really complain.

“Minnie!” You greet him with a wave as he finally arrives, 8 PM on the dot just as you finish your best attempt at warming up your already sore body. Skating over to his side of the audience area, you then lean over the barriers with your arms folded on top of it with an anticipating smile, watching him get comfortable in his unofficial seat in the middle of the front row. “What do you have for me today?”

“It’s Korean special for today.” He answers with a smile, taking out a pair of familiar white bento boxes typically sold at the cafeteria of the nearby College of Architecture and shaking it in front of you before placing it on the seat next to him. Looking around the empty rink, he then asks, “Coach Park isn’t with you today?”

“Faculty meeting, won’t be back until lunch,” You shrug before another thought crosses your mind. “Hey, do you want to skate?”

Seungmin hesitantly shakes his head in front of your wide eyes, sinking in his seat. “No, I’m good, thanks.” He shrugs as casually as he can, though you’re quicker to take note of his gaze lingering on the smooth ice.  

So, stubborn as you are, you insist anyway, “I see that look!” 

“You’re supposed to be training—actually, you shouldn’t even be with all the hits you took last night.” He points out. “Anyway, don’t you need the whole rink?”

“I’ll be here the whole day. I can just practice seriously when Coach Park is actually here.” You grin widely, smoothly gliding to the gates now to fetch him. When he doesn’t move in his seat, you continue further up the stairs until your blades hit the rubber mats of the audience area. “And like you said, I shouldn’t be training with all the hits I took last night.”

“We can just skate around leisurely!” You conclude, Seungmin’s eyes narrowing up at you when you reach him and his body automatically cringing at the sound of your blades hitting rubber. 

“Yeah, but—”

In response, you take hold of his free hand with your own while the other puts his backpack to the side, tugging him to the direction of the locker rooms. “I’m injured so I need help getting around.” You answer after halfheartedly. 

“You were already skating before I could even get here.” He tries reasoning out but before he can even continue, you’ve already managed to pull him up to a stand, almost tripping the two of you even until he quickly balanced himself right in front of you. 

“Kids will start training here by next week so this is literally the last time we’ll have the ice on our own for a while.” You counter back, already pulling him to the locker rooms with the loud thud of your blades. Glancing over at him from behind your shoulder, you chuckle as you catch Seungmin’s expression change into that of resignation as he finally lets you pull him along. “Ha, knew it.” 

“I’m just looking out for you,” He states, more to convince himself than you. At that, you reach the locker room, proceeding straight to the unclaimed locker next to yours by the door for Seungmin’s skates—an old pair you stole from his house some two Christmases ago when he started visiting you like this. 

“Right, right.” You giggle at him, passing him his skates and taking out another article of clothing from the lockers, this time a familiar hoodie from your locker that immediately catches Seungmin’s eye. “Just put these on.”

“Didn’t you say you lost this hoodie?” 

“It actually got lost in my laundry for two months bu—ya, don’t look at me like that! At least I’m giving it back now! I don’t want you getting in there cold!” 

-

Seungmin is exceptionally knowledgeable on many things like Legal Management (his course), baseball, music (especially singing with the amount of times he hangs out with Jeongin, his other best friend), and skating—but the last is quite debatable since his knowledge is limited to growing up watching you upgrade from the lake behind your houses when you were five to the rinks you train at today. He still doesn’t get how scoring works (”But you looked so great out there!” “Not to the judges, I guess.” “Huh?!”) and he still can’t differentiate the common jumps in competitive figure skating that well but you trust him as one who has a good eye for artistry and technique. He is a fellow athlete, after all. 

“Can you extend your arms a little more?” He asks after you’ve shown him a particular step in a work-in-progress choreography for next year’s Championships. After a mini argument with him over whether you’ll practice your stunts while he’s still with you or just skate around until you feel tired, he somehow convinced you to show your choreography first before skating with you by offering to treat you to another bento box and a cup of iced coffee later. 

Damn his negotiating skills. 

Skating back to him from the other side of the rink, you sigh. “I mean I can if I’m not injured at the moment.” You answer, gesturing to the bruise on your collarbone hidden behind your own long sleeves. “Maybe on the day itself, you know, 7 months from now.” 

“Then you should make sure to extend your arms out in that move when your bruise heals so you look pretty,” He concludes, taking your phone out of his pocket and pressing pause on your chosen music that now fades to a segment without choreography yet. “and don’t play any derby on that month.” 

The last comment makes you smile as you now leisurely skate in circles around him. “So you’re allowing me to play derby until next year?” You ask with your most hopeful look, halting to a stop next to him and linking your arms with his after.

“I’m just saying in case you still want to play derby until next year.” He shrugs, following you around the rink when you tug him forward. “The choice is still up to you.” 

You then take this as a sign that you can now skate freely around after a whole hour of “practice,” mindlessly leading the two of you around the ice. Seungmin would still trip a little bit no matter how many times you’ve tried teaching him how to glide smoothly on the ice but you pretend to not take notice of this, gently helping him balance himself wordlessly instead. 

“Wait, do you still want to?” He asks after a moment. “Play after the summer, I mean?” 

You shrug back, alternating your attention between thinking of a more elaborate answer and looking down on Seungmin’s skates to make sure he’s not threatening another fall. “Derby’s fun and all, especially right now on my off-season but I don’t know. It does take a toll sometimes.” You end up saying in the end, guiding Seungmin around the curve of the rink in increasingly larger glides. “Coach Park’s kind of getting mad at me already too when she sees some of my blisters since it’s not helping me break in my new skates.”

“So...yes, no, maybe?” 

“Maybe.” You answer, looking up at him and admiring the way he concentrates on balancing himself. “Besides, I still have to ask you about it too.” 

At that, you catch Seungmin’s gaze and raised eyebrow. “Me?” He repeats, almost falling over in front of him and prompting you to slow down. 

“Yeah,” You naturally follow up, skating ahead of him and moving your hands back into his as you try skating backwards this time. “as my no. 1 fan—and by that I mean my best friend who always scolds me before and after the games but cheers on me wildly during—what do you think?”  

You observe Seungmin without too much anticipation in your expression in case he correctly guesses that you’re expecting a certain answer from him. 

“I’ve already told you before...” He eventually trails off after a moment before glancing at you again and sighing. “...it’s just, you look like you’re having fun but—”

“But it’s dangerous.“

“But you should play less.” He corrects seriously, skating the arms distance between the two of you and placing his hands on your upper arms, holding you in place. With this gesture, you look up at him with a confused expression, trying to decipher all the thoughts that seem to run over a mile a second in the way he glances back at you. “I’m always behind you and whatever you do, even if it’s dangerous and stupid, that’s what best friends do—but even that has limits sometimes.” 

You pause. For some reason, you don’t think of an immediate and witty comeback to lighten what has unconsciously become a sincere atmosphere, your thoughts lingering instead to the conversation you had with Yuna just last night. 

“Who even drives people to places even when they don’t want to?” You hear your friend loud and clear in your mind, almost nagging even. 

Definitely not Seungmin, you think to yourself, especially if it’s another person like Hyunjin or Jeongin...

“Y/N?” Seungmin suddenly calls for you, his voice just barely above a whisper as he hesitantly lets go of your arms and snaps you out of your daze. 

Blinking twice up at him, you catch him just in time before he can even skate back away from you, holding him by his fingertips. “So...” You trail off, furrowing your eyebrows in thought. “so yes, no, maybe—?”

“Maybe.” He finishes the thought for you, rubbing the nape of his neck awkwardly before huffing slightly in the cold, a puff of white air escaping his pink lips. “That’s a maybe too, I guess.” 

You nod slowly in acknowledgement, tugging him forwards. “So, in conclusion,” You reply slowly, changing your direction again as you now move yourself and Seungmin to the very center of the rink before breaking out into a chuckle to diffuse the unnecessarily tense atmosphere. “let’s get back to it after the summer?” 

“That and don’t play derby when the time comes that you’re actually in Championships.” Seungmin points out, catching up with you now so you’re skating next to each other again. “Multi-tasking isn’t really your strongest suit.”

“Ya!” You protest, elbowing him gently and making him laugh. 

“I was just kidding!” When you try skating away from him, Seungmin latches onto your elbow and desperately pulls you back to his side, barely missing another threat of a fall. “Don’t let go, I’ll trip!” 

“Says the one who called me clumsy that I can’t multitask.” You roll your eyes with an amused chuckle

“We just had a really heartfelt talk and that’s all you picked up?” Seungmin feigns a frown at you, tightening his arms linked to yours. “You’re unbelievable sometimes.” 

���It’s not like we don’t always talk about it.” You scoff, pulling Seungmin close by linking your arms again. “Though, I am a bit surprised with today’s answer. You just always know how to re-word the same thing a bunch of times, huh?” 

“You brought it up and I answered sincerely.” He gestures to you with a tilt of his head, looking down on his skates after. “I didn’t even know my opinion was that important to you. I mean, you have been ignoring it for 2 months straight.” 

“Like I said, no. 1 fan.” You grin before nudging him by his shoulder. “And I don’t ignore your opinion, I’ve been retiring from the game itself earlier like you asked me to before!” 

“As if that makes a difference.” He rolls his eyes, pursing his lips before he could comment further. “You still play 3/4 of the game, anyway.” 

“We’re going to argue about this for the whole morning if ever, Kim Seungmin.” You chuckle, holding his hand again and leading him to another spin around the rink. “Let’s just skate freely for now, hm?” 

- 

Coach Park arrives an hour earlier than she intended later on while you and Seungmin ate your bento boxes, prompting your best friend to not return to the ice after and to simply watch you from the stands instead. When your training ends almost five hours later, you’re quick to change back into your shoes in the locker rooms to return back to Seungmin’s side, making even your coach laugh in amusement. 

“I’ll see you next week Thursday, correct?” Coach Park asks you as she readies to shut the power off the venue, still chuckling every time she glances at you standing next to Seungmin by the entrance. “Those wounds should improve by then so we can start landing at least half of your jumps.” 

You nod, adjusting your gym bag on your one shoulder. “I’ll rest until then, promise!” 

Coach Park then turns to Seungmin with a feigned strict look, pointing at you as she then instructs, “Look after them, Kim, alright? I trust you’ll keep Y/N in check until then.” 

“I will, coach.” Seungmin assures with a nod and a smile himself, slinging an arm over your waist to help you balance yourself before turning you towards the direction of the entrance doors and concluding, “We’ll be off now!” 

“Alright, see you!” You hear coach Park bid you goodbye before you pass through the double doors of the entrance, getting pulled to the direction of the parking lot by Seungmin after. 

“I thought you’re buying me an extra bento box? And iced coffee?” You ask when you don’t make the turn leading to the College of Architecture, following Seungmin straight ahead to his car parked right across the building entrance anyway. “Ya, Minnie—”

“I texted Changbin to buy, it should be at your dorm’s kitchen by now.” Seungmin answers casually, taking out his keys from his hoodie pocket and pointing it to his car. Once you near the vehicle, he then opens the door for you on the front passenger seat, wordlessly taking your gym bag and placing it in the back along with his backpack. “If not, then I’ll just drive back here, I don’t have anywhere to be today.” 

You smile at the thought, happily putting on your seatbelt. “I love you, have I said that this week?” You chuckle, wrapping an arm behind his waist in a side hug before he can close the door. “You’re the best, capt.!” 

“It’s weird when you call me capt.” He feigns a scowl, patting your head and briefly hugging you back anyway. “And you only love me because I practically babysit you.” 

"I never even asked to be babysit in the first place.” You pout, following him with your eyes even when he closes the door and moves to the other side of the vehicle to the driver’s seat. Turning your body to his direction as he turns on the ignition and starts driving away, you then add, “You’re supposed to say you love me too, capt.” 

Seungmin rolls his eyes in an attempt to move your eyes away from the wild blush on his cheeks. “Put your seatbelt on.” He steers the conversation instead, placing a hand behind your headrest as he backs the car away from the parking. 

“‘I love you too’?” 

“What do you want to do when we get to your dorm?” 

“Okay, I’ll take that. How about you choose the movie for today?” 

three - wednesday

Though he never demands you for it from knowing full-well your own busy training schedule and classes, you’ve always made sure to attend each and every baseball game Seungmin participates in ever since you were children to cheer him on and he’s always thought that that’s your own version of showing your affection to him in return for his support for you. Though you can get a bit embarrassing cheering on him the loudest and always wearing his extra old jerseys to the games, he never complains about it anyway and only argues with you after the game about other things, mostly you skipping your own training to see him or attending his games instead of resting at home like today. It definitely is love—simultaneously a heartwarming and worrying one at that.

So today, at his baseball team’s scrimmage, he’s not even that surprised anymore when you show up with Jeongin by your side, insisting that your cuts and bruises are already manageable enough to let you walk without needing much help. He is, however, still worried over your well-being as usual. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks you for the fourth time since you met up right outside the field, an arm draped over your shoulder as you walk. Ahead of you, Jeongin and Yuna have already reserved seats along with the rest of your friend group, chatting away with some members of the team. “And you’re not skipping any training today?”

“I already told you, Minnie,” You giggle, limping a little from your blisters and leaning most of your weight to him with your hand on his waist. “My next training’s next week, you were even there when Coach Park reminded me! And it’s not like I’m playing, I’m just going to watch you today!” 

“I’m mainly worried about your blisters since you were training last Sunday. You could’ve just rested at the dorms today.” He points out, sitting you down next to Jeongin on the aisle before kneeling right in front of you. “It’s just a scrimmage, anyway.” 

“But I don’t want to miss a game,” You insist stubbornly, smiling reassuringly at him and his furrowed eyebrows. “and even if it’s just a scrimmage, it’s still you playing. I want to see you play.” 

With this, Seungmin eventually sighs in defeat. “Whatever, not like I can walk you home now and get back to the game in time.”

“I’m already here and you can’t do anything about it.” You affirm with a chuckle, patting his arm. “Now, go, shoo, you have a scrimmage to win.” 

Seungmin then turns to Jeongin, gesturing to you as he stands up, “Look after Y/N, please?” 

“If you mean look after them as in not letting them topple over the seats then sure.” Jeongin nods with a laugh. 

“Hey, I don’t—!”

But, as if ignoring your protests, Seungmin nods gratefully and bids you two goodbye. “Thanks!” He then turns to his teammates before you could even finish another sentence, ushering everyone to jog back to the field. “Okay, guys, chat time’s over. Let’s head to the field!”

“Ay, Seung, don’t get too flustered over Y/N now!” Jisung reminds him with a hand over the younger boy’s shoulders and a snicker, tapping on the mound with his glove as the two reach their designated positions. “Jeno’s pitching, too, you might get hit in the face if you’ll just keep looking at your Y/N.” 

“Shut up, Ji.” Seungmin rolls his eyes, tapping on the mound as well with his bat just as Jeno signals from across the diamond, preparing to pitch. With one last glance at you, he then mutters to himself, “Aish, why did they even come today? They’re injured.” 

Jisung opens his mouth to speak behind his helmet to ask what Seungmin could mean with his last comment but he’s inadvertently cut off by Jeno signaling for everyone to get ready, expertly throwing the first ball which Seungmin instinctively hits hard with his bat, prompting him to start running to first base before Daehwi and Eunwoo could even retrieve it by the chain link fences of the field, thus leaving Jisung to his thoughts. 

“Yay, let’s go Kim Seungmin!” You cheer and yell from the bleachers, almost standing up with a struggle until Jeongin pulls you down by your arms, most likely to remind you of your injuries, which Seungmin is more than grateful for. “Go Minnie! Number 22! Number 22!” 

As he runs, Seungmin makes sure to wave at you in responds when he passes by your bleachers, sending a bashful smile your way that only fuels more teasing from Jeongin without him noticing. You wave both hands back in response before he could turn his eyes back ahead, sinking in your seat as he now tries to aim for second base seeing everyone moving a bit slower than usual. 

Eventually, he makes it to second base just in time, sliding into the plate and narrowly missing Daehwi’s attempt at getting him out. 

“Yay, let’s go Seungmin!” He hears you yell and clap loudly again, making his ears heat up and everyone in the diamond to stifle their giggles. 

“Hey, isn’t Y/N injured from last Saturday?” Daehwi asks at belatedly noticing your presence.

Seungmin then stands up and dusts the dirt off his uniform, adjusting his cap and turning his focus to Jeno and Hyunjin (who bats next) ahead. “I insisted that they skip today’s game since it’s just a scrimmage but you know how they are.” 

“Really? That’s so sweet!” Daehwi squeals in delight, waving at you and the others from others bleachers. “and here everyone thought that Y/N skipping training was already cute enough! They just outdo themselves every time!” 

“Way to romanticize injuries, Dae.” Seungmin scoffs, hiding a smile from Daehwi. Simultaneously, Jeno signals again that the game is about to start, preparing to pitch. “Seriously, it’s not cute. I’m more worried than flattered.” 

“Right, because waving at them while running was definitely being worried,” Daehwi chuckles, getting in position again. “Just say you’re whipped and go.”

“You wish,” Seungmin scrunches up his nose, successfully dodging Daehwi again and leaving him on the second base. “but I do have to get going now!” 

“Ya!” 

“Woo! Go Seungmin!” You yell loudly and repeatedly again, until he successfully reaches home base which prompts you to finally stand up and jump around in cheer despite the pain your lower half. “Way to go Seungmin!” 

Seungmin can only roll his eyes at you as he walks off the field, scoffing in disbelief when you don’t stop cheering even as he approaches you from the other side of the chain link fences since he’s already done for this particular inning. 

“Why are you up? You’re injured.” He frowns, his hands going up the chain links. “Sit down, Y/N.”

“I’m fine!” You dismiss, sitting down anyway when Jeongin and Yuna start tugging on your shirt for you to sit down. “But, more importantly, you did well!” 

“It’s just the first inning—and a scrimmage.”

“Scrimmage, formal game, it’s all the same, you don’t have to say it twice.” You retort, rolling your eyes and chuckling. “You looked really cool out there!” 

The last comment definitely catches Seungmin off-guard but he hides it better this time, waving his hand in front of him. “It was nothing.” 

“So modest,” You scoff with a proud smile, leaning forward and linking your hands between the chain links. “What do you want after the game? Ice cream? Tteokbeokki?” 

“Don’t stand up too much during the game and I’ll think about it,” He answers instead. “and we’re not going anywhere after this with your injuries. I’m taking you straight home.”

“Fine.” You huff in defeat, gesturing to his teammates after. “Okay, now go back, Jeno’s looking at us weird.” 

“Don’t stand up again!”

“I won’t!”

- 

Seungmin meets up with you again after the game. When the scrimmage ends later that afternoon with Jeno’s team winning at 14-18 and everyone heading straight to the showers, he sees you with Jeongin right outside of the locker rooms, sitting on a nearby bench while the younger boy pesters you with questions on your summer training and last Saturday’s game.

“Hey, Y/N!” Jisung, accompanying Seungmin on the way out, greets you with an innocent slap to your back before your best friend could, making you wince in pain. “Oh, shit, sorry!” 

“Ya,” Seungmin reprimands him firmly, slapping Jisung’s hand away from you before helping you up from the bench. “Careful, Y/N’s injured.” 

“Why?” Jisung asks curiously, making everyone turn to him.

“Derby last Saturday.” You answer sheepishly, leaning your weight to Seungmin again appreciatively as he helps you balance yourself. “Got knocked out before scoring a point.”

“You would’ve seen if you didn’t have a date that day.” Hyunjin adds, playfully catching Jisung in a chokehold as your group now walks out of the lockers rooms and outside the field. “It was so bloody as fuck, they were against the league veterans!”

“You make it sound like I died and got resurrected.” You scoff, reaching out for Hyunjin with a struggle and slapping his arm.

“Don’t entertain him too much, he’s just dramatic.” Seungmin assures you, eliciting protests from Hyunjin.

“Really?” Meanwhile, Jisung frowns in jealously, prying Hyunjin off of him and kicking him from behind his knees as a comeback. “Ay, I really would’ve gone if only Haneul liked watching derby.”

“They don’t seem to like watching sports in general,” Jeongin points out bluntly, you nodding along to his right. “why are you still going out with this person, even? Clearly, they’re not interested in your major passion.”

“Because I like them,” the boy in question shrugs without hesitation, making you tilt your head in confusion. “I mean, Haneul’s cool but we—I guess we never really talked about the whole sports thing.”

“Why not? Bro, you’re aiming for the national team.” Hyunjin prods this time. By now, your group has reached and stopped on the sidewalk of the main campus road where you’re supposed to part ways since Jeno’s hosting a get-together but Seungmin’s insisted on taking you home. “In a few years, it’s gonna be weird being in games and having one less person to cheer you on, especially if that person’s your girlfriend.”

“Well, not everyone’s lucky enough to being in love with people who have similar hobbies as they do.” Jisung rolls his eyes dryly, his gaze instinctively landing to you and Seungmin after which only prompts you to raise an eyebrow while Seungmin glares at Jisung.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, making Jisung chuckle.

“Nothing, nothing.” He waves his hand dismissively at you before turning to Hyunjin and Jeongin. “Anyway, Haneul and I will talk about it again more later on. Personally, I’m not that bothered right now—I’m just happy we get to hang out.”

“But that’s because you started dating before any major games.” Seungmin speaks up after a while. 

Jeongin nods in agreement. “We’ll really just have to see next Friday if you still think that way.”

“Seung, Y/N always attends our games so I don’t think you’re qualified to speak over my love life.” Jisung deadpans, prompting Seungmin to hit him again. “Ow! But it’s true!”

“What?” You scoff, finally getting what he means but pretending to not know anyway in embarrassment.

“Whatever.” Seungmin huffs dismissively at Jisung, directing you away from the group now. “Anyway, we’ll get going now. It’s getting late.”

“We’re seriously going home?” You frown up at Seungmin who’s now standing behind you, both his hands on your shoulders as he moves you to the opposite direction of where the rest of the boys are going. “I was hoping you’d change your mind last minute.”

“I didn’t bring my car here today and Jeno’s dorm’s on the other side of campus.” Seungmin answers your question, waving goodbye to the others. “Come on, let’s go home. We can order again or something.”

“Fine.” You sigh in defeat, letting him walk you backwards as you reluctantly wave goodbye at everyone. “Bye, guys. I guess I’ll see you next Friday.”

“Bye!” Hyunjin, Jisung, and Jeongin wave back at you as they laugh over your frown, the eldest boy making sure to add, “Have fun on your date!”

“It’s not a date!” You yell back at him in exasperation, making the three laugh.

“We’ll make sure to eat well for you!” Jisung teases, winking at you before Seungmin could pull you to the left turn leading back to your dorms. Before you completely part ways, you hear him yell, “Alright, now let’s eat samgyeopsal!”

Heading back to your dorm now, Seungmin stands next to you again, draping his arm over your shoulder again and matching your pace. You walk in comfortable silence for a while, that is until you think about Jisung’s words once again, prompting you to ask, “What was that about by the way?”

“What?”

“The thing with Haneul.” You clarify, tearing your gaze away from him to look down on the ground. “Jisung said something about other people being lucky that they like people who have similar hobbies then looked at you.”

“Looked at me? I thought he was looking at you?” Seungmin tries to joke awkwardly before stopping when you don’t laugh along. “It’s nothing, he’s just being weird.”

You furrow your eyebrows, looking up at him only to meet his side profile. Taking a quick inhale, you then try asking, “Seungmin...do you perhaps—do you like anyone lately?”

At that, Seungmin almost trips over nothing uncharacteristically, his grip on your shoulder accidentally tightening when he holds onto you for support. “Sorry, um—w-what?”

“It’s just,” You shrug awkwardly, feeling smaller under his arm now that your impulsive question suddenly made the air awkward. You walk slower now, despite your dorm being only a block away now. “what Jisung said and—and, you know, you’ve been busy lately.”

“Yeah, because of you and classes.” He points out, still with furrowed eyebrows. “I don’t—I don’t have time to date.”

“But do you want to?”

“Hm?”

“I-If you weren’t busy with classes, training...looking after my clumsy ass and all—would you...would you want to date anyone? Do you like...someone?” You clarify as clearly and as eloquently as you can against the pain on your feet from walking and the sudden loud hammering of your heart against your chest. Why did I even ask? You can only scold yourself internally, keeping a front anyway now that you’re in too deep to change the topic now.

Next to you, Seungmin thinks about your question carefully. He’s not actually thinking about the question per se, more like thinking about why you would ask such question. Are you expecting some kind of answer? “I...” He trails off in thought, catching your gaze momentarily from the corner of his eye. “N-No, not really.”

“Oh.” You muse out loud, trying your best to hide your disappointment. “I guess that’s understandable. You’re aiming for the national team, after all.”

Seungmin then stops walking altogether, making you stop. In front of you, you see your dorm building coming into view, confusing you even more when he moves in front of you.

“No, it’s....“ He shrugs, looking down on his hands before flitting his eyes up again to you. “all my time’s for you, classes, and training right now and it’s fine. Sure, the end goal’s the national team but at the same time, I have all I need right now—dating just so happens to not really a top priority right now.”

You nod slowly with a low hum, smiling at his sincerity after a while. “So I’m top priority?”

At your comment, his sincere facade immediately fades into a scoff, rubbing his temples up in frustration. “I answer your question sincerely and all you pick up is you being a priority?” He asks in disbelief, making you laugh. “And here I was, about to offer you piggyback again.”

“I was just kidding!” You bluff in between laughs, extending your arms out for him to carry you. “Piggyback, please! I live on the third floor!”

“Maybe if you didn’t respond weirdly to my emotional rant—“

“Ya, Seungmin!” You protest, hopping on your better foot and jumping on his back before he could even move away from you. “Ha! Got you!” 

Reluctantly, Seungmin then adjusts the strap of his gym bag on his shoulder and hooks his arms under your legs. “If you’re not so injured right now, I’d drop you on the ground.” He hoists you up on his back with a groan, continuing to walk forward anyway. “Ah, this brat.” 

You chuckle, pinching his cheeks before resting your arms on his shoulders. “But seriously...” You trail off with an awkward cough. “Just date, dude, you can multitask, better than me at least.” 

You then hear Seungmin mumble under his breath, “Maybe if...” but you fail to catch the last words as he then shakes his head and adds, “Ah, whatever. How did we even get to this kind of talk?” 

five - saturday 

As if the universe is conspiring against you, you end up getting severely injured halfway through your next derby game the following Saturday. When the score is 45-70 in favor of the opposing team, you end up taking a nasty fall after successfully scoring a point, causing a broken nose. 

So much for all the talks you had with Seungmin in the past days, you think to yourself as you catch his surprised gaze from across the rink. 

Maybe it’s also because of how you’ve been talking to him a lot lately about his concerns for you and this sport that he immediately rushes to your side as Yuna and Yeji help you walk from the rink to the locker room as Jaemin suddenly announces a short break. Quickly and gently taking your arm from Yeji’s shoulder from the sides of the rink, the next three minutes are a bit of a blur to you as Seungmin multitasks between examining your bruises, assuring your teammates that he can take care of you, and walking you to the nearest bathroom—all the while scolding you under his breath. 

You can only pout at him the whole way, letting him drag you along with him until he’s hoisting you up again on top of the sink counter much like every other Saturday. 

Except it feels a bit different this time, especially since Seungmin has never looked this worried since you started this sport 2 months ago.    

“Okay, let’s see that bloody nose again.” He asks you after a while, tilting your face downwards with his one hand (the other holding an ice pack from Jaemin) and scrunching up his nose with furrowed eyebrows. “Yikes.” 

“I’m sort of choking here a bit.” You point out, shifting uncomfortably in your place at the feeling of blood on your tongue and the realization that you also have small cuts on your lips. “Um...” 

You see his eyebrows furrow deeper in thought as he then turns to his side and places his backpack next to you, temporarily placing the ice pack in the space between your leg and his backpack and taking out a first aid kit. “That bad? Fuck.” He hisses under his breath, more to himself than to you, as he proceeds to prepare a whole bag of cotton balls, wipes, and ointment. “I can clean and ice this up but we’ll have to go immediately after this and get you checked out at the clinic across the street.” 

“Really?” You wince at seeing Seungmin hold up a wet wipe to your face. “So I can’t finish the game?” 

“You’re face is broken and you’re thinking about the game? Y/N, please...” He sighs disapprovingly at you, cupping your chin again and lightly dabbing on the trail of blood on your face with the wet wipe. “Try to hold in the pain for a bit while I clean your face and maybe try not to think about the game.” 

"Sorry...” You trail off, pouting up at Seungmin and earning you another sigh from him. 

“This is the worst I’ve seen you.” He muses out loud, his furrowed eyebrows slowly softening as he purses his lips. “What even happened back there? It was all too quick for me, to be honest.” 

“The other team’s jammer bumped me a bit too harsh.” You reply slowly, careful of the blood on your lips and the sting you feel from inhaling. In front of you, Seungmin unconsciously winces through carefully cleaning your face. “We were skating on the slope going up so I ended up hitting my face on the barriers.” 

“They’re visitors, right?” He asks you next and you nod quietly in response. “I’ll have to remind Jaemin to talk to them. If not, I’ll talk to them myself...” 

“Seungmin—”

“You fell really bad, they should be accountable.” He insists anyway. “Even if derby’s a violent sport, there are still limits to it and this is just too much.”     

You unconsciously mirror Seungmin’s frown the longer he stares down at the bloodied lower half of your face, your shoulders slouching deeply when he finally reaches the end of the drying red trail on your chin with his third wet wipe. The physical pain of a broken nose and a bruised lip can’t even compete with the guilt pooling in your stomach now as you observe your best friend’s disappointed expression, making you wince less and sigh more in front of him at knowing full well that it’s all because of how you played tonight. “Just say it already.”

“Say what?” He mumbles back, now with a raised eyebrow at you as he disposes off the used wet wipes next to you on top of the sink counter. He then passes you the ice pack, guiding your hands to slowly move it up to your nose. “Where’s this coming from all of a sudden?” 

You see the genuine anticipation in his eyes of what you meant by your words, making you look down on your free hand rested right on top of the faint bruise marks on your lap. “That I’m being stupid for pursuing this sport, that I should stop playing.” You answer quietly as you shift in your seat. “It’s just that we were talking about this exact thing for the whole week and then it happens and now you look so upset so I thought...” 

In front of you, you hear Seungmin sigh before gently tilting your chin up again, meeting your eyes with a soft gaze before moving his hands up to carefully massage your cheeks. “Ya, you’re not stupid,” He shakes his head. “you’re just clumsy sometimes but that’s because you keep forgetting that you’re supposed to be on wheels here and not blades.”

“Ya—”

“And this incident wasn’t your fault.” He adds after a while, when you don’t immediately speak. “I’m not mad at you, just frustrated. I’m mad at the other team, though.”

"Seungmin—” You huff in his touch, cracking a small and brief smile on his face.

“Anyway, I still think you should lessen playing, especially since the semester’s about to start again.” He interjects quickly before you can even say another word, briefly turning to your side to pass you another bundle of face tissues when he hears you sniffling. “but I’ll never ask you to stop playing completely because I know you really enjoy this. The same applies to the other one, of course.”

“Besides, what sport doesn’t involve getting hurt?” He adds as an after thought, taking out two plies of tissue for your incoming cold and the stray tear on your cheek.

“Um, board games?” You muse out loud as you take the tissues in his hands and place them in between your face and your ice pack, fully cracking his serious façade this time as he breaks into a scoff.

“You know what I mean.” You see Seungmin roll his eyes at you, making you purse your lips as a smile tries making its way on your cuts. When he sees your reaction, his thumb instinctively moves over to your bottom lip, stopping you from smiling. “Don’t smile, dummy, we just fixed that lip cut.”

The gesture makes your heart flip and your gaze unconsciously softens at him as you watch him dispose of all your trash with a small ‘alright, done.’ under his breath. “Have I told you I love you this week?” You speak in a low voice with no intention of sounding teasing at all this time, giving him a tight-lipped smile when he looks up at you again in confusion. “You’re the best, capt.” 

It takes him a moment to process your words, especially with the unusual tone in your voice. Eventually, you see him return your smile. “You already did. I’m just looking out for you as usual.” He shrugs bashfully, offering you a hand which you gladly accept when you stand. “I love you too...” 

“I know.” You nod, tugging on him by your intertwined hands and pressing a light kiss on his cheek when he tilts his head to your side. “I’m sorry again.” 

“You’re being soft all of a sudden.” He points out, biting down a small smile. “It’s probably the fall.” 

You roll your eyes at him, pressing the ice pack closer to your face. “How many minutes do I have to hold this ice again?” 

“If you’re thinking of throwing that on my face, I’ll have you know I can deny you entry on my game next Friday.” He warns, placing his hand on the ice pack again to check your wound. “Fifteen more minutes. I’ll text Jaemin and Yeji for now, the clinic should still be open at this time.” 

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Do you think they would actually enjoy the modern world? Or would they want to stay in their current time period?

Hm, well, I think that may vary depending on each suitor if I’m honest! (I’ll be excluding Sebastian from this one, only because he is a modern man and I wager he would want to stay in the mansion in order to finish his thesis) 

Under a cut bc it’s a long boi:

I think for people like Arthur and Theo, for instance--who always seem to live in the fast lane--it might not really prove much of a problem. They would continue enjoying the night life and move with their busy schedules. Tl;dr: (For them? Same shit, different day)

Vincent would likely be doing just fine given how Theo often provides assistance in places where he struggles; to promote his art, to spark intrigue in the general public and benefactors. He might be a little overwhelmed by the influx of stimuli that comes with the modern era, constant noise and interaction and movement--perhaps worry that people are losing their ability to live in the moment. (Not to mention what’s being done to the environment...) There might be a learning curve/adjustment, but I think Theo would help him ease in. Plus, it would be a little easier to promote his art given the less stringent restrictions on public exhibitions. He’d still have to work for his fame, but at least the van Goghs wouldn’t have to live in constant unease in the proximity of the cutthroat academy.  Tl;dr: (Mixed feelings, but tries to stay positive about modern times)

Dazai is more familiar with this kind of life of quick turmoil and breakneck speed, if anything he falls back into his old coping mechanisms--hello writing, drinking, and smoking. An overwhelming influx of information and suffering would probably be hard for him to manage, despite how expertly he hides it. I think I would be worried he would lose himself in the dismal reality of diminished connection with other people. Yes I’m shoving him into therapy, I want him to start living for himself and taking care of himself ffs

That isn’t to say there aren’t happy possibilities for him, just that I think he really needs to heal first. I could see him very happy in a kind of writer’s circle with people he loves and trusts; less expending his energy in a desperate attempt to fill the void and please others, more cultivating his own happiness... Tl;dr: (Positive potential, but honestly part of me thinks the past quieter/simple/rural life suits him better...he still loves meme culture tho, he finds it so expansive and creative)

Isaac is in a similar boat as Dazai, I think! He has wonderful potential as a mentor and professor, and living in a world that has a little more patience and respect for genius might help encourage him to put himself out there. That being said, I think the pace of life would exhaust him though--he is very much the kind of person that prefers to keep to himself and just puzzle and tinker. Baby boy just wants to do equations, build little inventions, and read up on the recent discoveries in astrophysics (BRUH WHEN THE IMAGE OF THE BLACK HOLE CAME OUT HE FORGOT HOW TO B R E A T H E) Napoleon is the only reason he eats anything healthy or on any kind of regular schedule s m h. Tl;dr: (Not a lot changes, honestly? He was reclusive then, he still is now--he just has more toys/academic resources. If anything he might get a little too lost in his work because of it, somebody please make sure he’s eating/sleeping/socializing;;;)

Poor Jeanne is SUFFERING. Please release him from this nightmare he is begging. Jk jk, I don’t think it would be too bad for him--but I do think that he would have the aforementioned problem of too many stimuli and too much interaction. I think he would ease into it a little with Mozart’s help; he would just be awkward and wooden until he got the hang of it. Most people just find him quirky in an amusing way, and don’t think too hard about it. I’d wager he’d probably become literate at this point because of the abundance of resources and necessity to read/write (okay but imagine this baby with a little kid workbook iM GONNA CRY!!! TAKE ALL MY CRAYONS JEANNE). 

Can you imagine this mofo at a Starbucks??? Tall and stoic, dark and debonair (EVERYONE IS S W O O N I N G), and he just asks in a light tenor “can I have a mocha with eight shots of expresso” with a completely straight face. “Sir, that could kill you” “Don’t worry, I’ve been dead a long time” And he just moves to wait for his order. 11/10 cryptid I could watch an entire show just about his daily adventures

He works with Napoleon a lot given their similar skillsets. They coach kids at high schools that have fencing teams (it’s really REALLY cute bc if they’re on the younger side, Jeanne will very dramatically lose bc he wants to encourage them and the kids are delighted--but the parents are INCHES from laughing so hard they’re in tears). Otherwise, he mostly takes up gigs as a security worker/bodyguard, only really works for the money. He prefers to spend his time in ways that feel meaningful if he can, so don’t be surprised if you see him in foster homes and in social working spaces. He has an uncanny understanding about him, a kind of silence/patience that doesn’t stifle; it makes the kids/teens calm down in milliseconds. They really listen when he does talk, and he sets good and clear boundaries--he knows how to be firm when it’s required. He gives them the structure and placid grounding they’ve never had, and really pays attention to what’s important to them. Brings them little things he notices; brings flowers to the one that likes to draw, brings CDs (he is bad with technology, but they usually only have access to older/outdated stuff anyway) to the one the one that struggles to write with white noise in the house, brings little plushies to the ones that lose theirs. He’s simple but solid, and he finds a lot of meaning in helping kids overcome the similar kind of struggles he faced.  Tl;dr: (Steep learning curve, but he just sees it as all the same really--just more work to be done with the literacy requirement and adjustment to technology. Will be resistant at first, but when he gets accustomed and starts finding people who are important to him, he wouldn’t want to change anything/go back. But will admit there are some days he just wants to go to the most remote place he can access and just live there for a month with no human interaction whatsoever; people are inefficient and insufferable sometimes)

Mozart’s life honestly doesn’t change much? I feel like he would easily be able to keep composing and continue releasing his work as per usual. Given his quick capacity to schmooze and say what people want to hear when he must, he’d be more than able to network his way into success. I think the only thing he might struggle with now and again is inspiration, given the world operates on a very surface level in the modern era sometimes. Profound insight and depth are not quite as cultivated in many ways, and he can struggle to find something that just sparks motivation/novelty in his mind, makes him start composing at breakneck speed. He reads a lot and watches some TV shows/movies when he’s at really low inspiration levels, the kind of guy that sneers at Game of Thrones--but finds things like BBC’s Sherlock more passable (wants intrigue and complexity, doesn’t much enjoy the sensationalized drivel). When Arthur finds out he loves ATLA he about falls off his seat. “It’s a children’s show.” “Yes it is, with a remarkable level of depth and craftsmanship, what are you trying to say?” He begins to find a kind of rhythm in his composing, and Jeanne and Dazai often drop by with so many crazy stories he finds himself filled with music anyway LMAO Tl;dr: (Same as Isaac, really just keeps doing his thing without being impeded, and he enjoys the luxuries/conveniences of the modern era. Will be slightly resistant at first because of how alien some of the changes are, but will fall into the habits/customs slowly and surely. Fine with it, will whine a bit at the growing pains tho)

Leonardo actually canonically owns a bar, and does that really surprise anyone? He really enjoys the excitement of meeting new people and hearing about their myriad histories, the influx of cultures/languages/experiences. It’s a nice but lowkey place, people stop for a drink, listen to some good music--chat amiably and relax after a long day’s work--before heading out. There are regulars and people that just stop for that single day; tourists, vacationers, so on and so forth.

When asked, many people note a sleek black cat with sharp eyes that led them to the bar... Tl;dr: (Don’t Let the Existential Dread Set-in: The Prequel, adapts well to the modern era because of centuries of experience but also...he’s so tired...somebody please hold him I can’t watch him live like this, lord jesus)

Optimally, I see Comte filling his time with myriad pursuits; ranging from philanthropy, indulging in art/music/theatre (often a benefactor as well), and keeping track of his chirren (they may exist more independently now, but he still worries about them ;-;). Otherwise nothing much changes for him, still goes to galas and fancy gatherings, still enjoys fashion and spoiling people, still seeks to occupy himself with social interaction and care-taking--if he doesn’t have a family of his own. He’s basically just that meme that’s like DON’T LET THE EXISTENTIAL DREAD SET-IN. DON’T LET IT SET-IN!!!!!!!!! Tl;dr: (Not to repeat myself but also Don’t Let the Existential Dread Set-in: The Sequel, literally just desperately trying to fill the void please somebody help him he also just needs to be held fuck’s sake, I’m going to drag him kicking and screaming into happiness--but otherwise has no great trouble adjusting to the modern era. I feel like he would have a more minor form of what Dazai struggles with, maybe a lack of personable connection that he once had; fewer chances to be himself and relax. Also probably worried about the increasing unhappiness and turmoil building in the world in general...)

Napoleon is similar to Comte in that he often checks up on Isaac and Jeanne from time to time, and does the aforementioned fencing lessons with kids. He also takes a lot of basic security positions--for venues, concerts, museums--you name it. He dislikes the idea of sitting behind a desk a lot, so he prefers to do a lot of different things; he even cooks from time to time at the restaurants  that know him very well. One gig he particularly enjoys is battle choreography for movies/theatre! He tends to stay away from anything too historically close to his era of origin, but he has fun coming up with realistic (smaller scale) hand-to-hand combat scenarios and duels. Tl;dr: (This era doesn’t feel like too much of a change. It’s a little more intensive in terms of pace, but he manages to keep up pretty well, it just exhausts him from time to time--and he usually goes on trips or hikes to unwind when he needs to like Jeanne LOL they do not go to their happy place, they go to their high lonesome place).

Shakespeare also continues to do his drama thing, organizes troupes on tons of different levels--from community level to more intense, skilled groups that re-enact his own work. His life doesn’t change all that much beyond a new form of theatre logistics, and he adjusts to the technology fairly easily out of necessity. He’ll stop by Vincent’s place from time to time to show him recordings of his latest shows, but otherwise is almost always on the move. Tl;dr: (So long as he can keep following his greatest passion, he doesn’t really mind the changes in how theatre happens--he doesn’t have any sizable issues with the modern era.)

Ability with technology (phones mostly):

Arthur: more than capable, well-versed, loves to do everything on his phone no prob--maybe lives a little too much on his phone (Vine/TikTok/Youtube can kill his productivity RIP) also yes he has a fidget spinner on his desk, no I will not be taking any constructive criticism at this time

Theo: yes but with a lot of cursing at first, had to do it for work and now looks down on anyone that can’t keep up with him (except for Vincent)

Vincent: knows the basics, taking and sending pictures, writing things in notes for later, texting (tho sending emails is a little harder for him); he does his best but he can be slow. Really really enjoys the paint programs on his iPad for when he’s on public transit, but he starts setting alarms after he gets the hang of it (he’s missed his stops before because of it LMAO)

Leonardo: what kind of stupid question? Man knows how to pick them apart and put ‘em back together for crying out loud, uses it like a pro--comes to him naturally, and he’s the guy that keeps coming up with ways to jailbreak Apple products and thwart their money-grubbing tactics. Catch him playing Minish Cap on his emulator on the way to work, brah

Comte: just vibing, keeps up with the times easily since he’s been doing it for so long, much like Theo uses it to keep in touch with the people around him--he’s the “prefers to call instead of text” sorta guy though, he worries about losing emotional subtleties and he likes to hear people’s voices. Doesn’t do anything special on phones, more just a tool; will read/listen to podcasts/does have emulators (courtesy of Leo) and enjoys playing Pokemon when he’s bored

Jeanne: types one finger at a time, it will take a while--but he’ll get there (deleted all his contacts by accident once and Mozart was just. HOW.) He barely knows how to use a phone, and it’s a steep learning curve for him

Mozart: purely functional when it comes to his phone, refuses to rely on it beyond the necessities that only tech can do (for instance, sending emails or reading articles or uploading compositions) he still writes his music before making more polished digital copies. He will sometimes listen to pieces digitally, but prefers to play them in-person; he feels that a lot of the soul in a piece is lost despite the convenience

Dazai: you absolute fools. you baboons. why would you ever give him this kind of power. it is 3AM and he has been on a wikipedia trail spanning hours, started with Cleopatra being the seventh in her line with that name all the way to cotton candy being called “daddy’s beard” in French. please help him he hasn’t slept in years. Also probably binges anime and manga lbr. He’s the one making vine references every other second, always up to date on the memes^TM

Isaac: also mostly uses it as a tool for research and calculations; it’s a way to keep track of information. He also likes to play background music while he’s working, so he finds the device nice and convenient--plus less having to go around pestering people in-person. he does start to get interested in coding and tinkering with apps/programs eventually, too

Shakespeare: finds it a delightful little contraption, so useful because it lets him jot down ideas as they come to him quickly, and he can edit his texts much more easily with digital interfaces. also likes that performances can be recorded, because now he can analyze his staging more efficiently--it gives him a good sense of what needs to be adjusted, and encourages him to keep streamlining/try new concepts

Napoleon: likes it because he can keep in touch with people more easily, the kind of guy to drop a line before checking on a friend. he really likes to look up recipes and find out more about cooking techniques he’s never encountered before. Isaac starts making an Instagram account just to show Napoleon’s impeccable plating, and Napo gets quite the following without knowing for a while

[amjustagirl]

I’m going to be completely honest. I really don’t know what to do anymore after finishing Requiem of a Storm II because I am utterly speechless at how incredible and breathtaking this entire fic was. I don’t know how you are able to perfectly contrive so many feelings. Personally, Miya Atsumu is an all-time favorite character of mine and I don’t know if you’ve done like a thesis on him in your spare time but you are literally the only person I know who writes him impeccably. I now understand why you mentioned getting emotional or tearing up while writing this part, because I did too. You went far beyond the tip of the iceberg when it comes to dissecting his character, and I had to take a moment after reading this to gather myself because I feel like my life changed or at least I could never look at him or the fandom the same way again.

I truly admire how you didn’t go about the typical “boy does wrong, says sorry, girl forgives him easily” pattern that I often see around here, because let’s be honest, this is the true tribulation of love and when the person you love hurts you? That shit HURTS. We can for sure say that Atsumu definitely worked his ass off to show that he’s sorry and has at least matured.

But anyways, not to take up your time, long story short, I just want to sincerely thank you. Because you and your fic reminded me why I even like Miya Atsumu and it more importantly reminded me what love looks like, and that I shouldn’t settle. I’ve been in several bad relationships and had an engagement go down the drain mainly because I was rose-blinded by the idea of love and thought the sprinkles of infatuation or affection provided by the narcissists or manipulative men I dated were actually love. I’ve come a long way in healing and growing from that, which is why Y/N of the Storm Chaser series is so dear to my heart, and I actually aspire to be more like her.

Requiem of a Storm II is a blessing in disguise. The lengths that Atsumu goes to in order to show his love and desperation for forgiveness, out of true intent rather than for show, reminded me what the love I deserve looks like, whether it’s the countless times he tries to reach out and leave gifts, his will to not cross boundaries and respect her wishes even though he clearly wants to beg, and that part where he pretty much declares that his dream is her, ESPECIALLY when we know how he would typically choose volleyball, as we saw in Storm Chaser. For myself and others out there, while yes, this is fiction, the truth still stands: The love that Atsumu expresses for Y/N through his growth and journey is what we are worthy of receiving, no matter how much this messed up world will try to convince us that we are not valuable enough or are too selfish to ask for such thing. Because there really is an Atsumu of Requiem of a Storm/Storm Chaser out there who will love us so much that he will choose us and to do so over and over again through many lifetimes. And it’ll make us think that it’s too good to be true, however, it’s not. It’s good, and it is for us.

Thank you, Nikki. You’ve changed my life, and I will be returning to this fic every time

oh gosh i was putting off answering this ask cos i wanted to hold it tight and never let it go, like the sentimental grandma i am. i'm sorry you've had to suffer through awful relationships - but that's right, we shouldn't be in love with the idea of love, but when we do seek love, we shld seek out people who love us for who we are and show us that they will choose us, always.

i needed atsumu to rly work his ass off in requiem - and even now im not sure if i made him suffer enough hrmm. but you're right, it's not so simple as saying sorry - maybe it's my catholic upbringing, so i rly see the need for him to do penance and atone for what he's done. now he has his happy ending - a different one, a hard earned one, and even tho i personally miss shino and shoma, i think he's happy too with his life in requiem :)

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 11

post directory

obsetress: i'm about to fully fall asleep but i have been thinking about exes au danvi and like the isabel of it all and dani dating a single mom and how just like

obsetress: vi is so protective of isabel and as much as she loves dani like

obsetress: she took SO LONG before introducing her and then like

obsetress: when they broke up dani left and dani wasnt in isabels life anymore and dani was so good for isabel and viola just feels so fuckin shitty and blames herself and

obsetress: but i'm also thinkin bout soft fluffy stuff too like how much dani loves isabel and how much vi loves watching isabel w dani and

em: hey hannah what the fuck

obsetress: isabel has a nightmare one night and goes to her mom's room and dani's there too and she just curls up between them

em: do you think when they finally reconnected dani was like hey um. does isabel remember me. would it be weird if

obsetress: FUCK

obsetress: this absolutely happens

em: viola is VERY apprehensive at first

obsetress: god yeah esp after getting so hurt by it but

obsetress: viola sure cannot say no to dani!

em: i love some dani with kids tho

em: maybe too soft but do u think for at least a couple years dani would like. send isabel a bday card

em: like dead air otherwise

em: hmm idk i am chewing that one over more

obsetress: god it's hard i think dani wants to but she doesn't

obsetress: i could see dani writing them and holding onto them

em: oh that’s even worse

obsetress: even tho she really doesnt think she'll ever talk to vi again

em: what a soft and depressing thought. thank u. i resent u.

obsetress: yeah it hurts!

obsetress: but then she does! and she gives them all to isabel when she's older maybe

em: hold on i’m gonna bawl

em: sometimes my parents will be like um. do u remember this person and i’m like uh i don’t remember people i worked w two years ago let alone

em: but i think isabel does

em: i will be thinking about this all afternoon bestie have a wonderful slumber

[em note: em yells in hannahs DMs while she's asleep dot png]

em: no um. mate im still furious about the isabel of it all wtf

em: thinking about um. like ok i dont wanna use isabel as a prop but this is certainly one of those times where

em: violas been hurt before and viola's hurt other people before because she's deeply troubled and i feel like that would be one of the first times she sorta. sure she licks her wounds and feels miserable for herself but its also like uh

em: really sobering to realise This Hurts Isabel Too

em: because yknow violas very gatekeep gaslight girlboss i think shes got a strong enough sense of self that nothing really shakes that. maybe even to a deluded degree. i dont think she goes to therapy because shes like wow im fucked up i gotta get help, she's more like

em: shes really driven by her love for isabel!! gestures WILDLY

em: realised this is an au where parents get therapy and dont pass their traumas onto their kids and i want OFF this WILD RIDE im so tired of discovering things about myself through the realm of fiction

obsetress: yeah same i kept thinking about it too alfkadlsfkjdasf

obsetress: i want to reply to every single line of the isabel thing but i'm not gonna do that so let me just say: YEAH

obsetress: like isabel is her cornerstone full stop everything comes down to isabel

em: dani's probably so nervous reconnecting w isabel again. absolutely spinning her lil wheels

em: they set up a lil date and time and dani's doing her gay nervous babble abt if isabel even remembers her or god forbid resents her n jamies like...

em: im pursing my lips as i draw a line on the whiteboard between jamie's whole childhood and isabels and shaking my head Goddamn It

em: jamie lets dani babble it out n pauses and reflects on what she's saying n then jamie's like. the fact ur nervous means u care. n kids are v good at picking up when ppl care. you'll be alright.

obsetress: god yeah this bit i can just. hear it

obsetress: it's so visceral

---

em: viola

obsetress: god my favorite taurus hedonist

[em note: hannah yells in em's DMs while em is asleep dot png]

obsetress: god fuck what was i thinking about isabel this morning like

obsetress: that's what i get for daydreamin between snoozes and not writing it down alas

obsetress: but just like how excited isabel is to see dani again when she does and also like, isabel and rebecca

obsetress: then i started thinking about

obsetress: rebecca and vi getting married and vi's always like i'm not gonna get married again it's bullshit and rebecca's like it's not for me but then they just

obsetress: like they live together and they share everything and rebecca looks out for isabel just as much and they get to a point and it's like

obsetress: oh. oh

obsetress: like they're both like it's the logical thing to do. it's logical and it's safe and we should have this extra layer of protection but also it's like

obsetress: they find themselves more and more excited a lil you know? and just thinking about how isabel's there and how excited isabel is and

obsetress: but god yeah what i was thinking about this morning like. one day vi has to tell isabel dani's not gonna be coming around anymore and like

obsetress: isabel doesn't really understand and she's so sad and then vi feels even shittier

obsetress: and she's like "we'll be okay. it's you and me, remember? moving mountains"

obsetress: "you me us, right?"

obsetress: the first time rebecca meets her she brings her a book as a gift and is like "this was one of my favorites" and

obsetress: OH I REMEMBERED

obsetress: so like when dani sees isabel again finally (and yknow as nervous as dani was vi was even more on edge because it's so inconsistent and is she gonna understand yknow? and the two of them just spiral––which is also another thing about the two of them in a relationship! i think they push each other down spirals)

obsetress: jamie's there too and dani's like "this is... this is, uh, jamie" and it's like you said jamie isabel parallels and so jamie's like a lil tender

obsetress: spoiler: isabel and jamie end up bonding the most

obsetress: jamie's like running around with isabel on her shoulders and then showing her all these plants and taking her to gardens and

obsetress: another tentative jamie vi alliance

em: isabel mikey hangout When

obsetress: isabel mikey hangout!

obsetress: they're hanging with isabel and she and jamie have a very spirited discussion where isabel's like "i wanna be a princess" and dani's like "why not a knight?" and jamie's like "why not opt out of the feudalistic hierarchy entirely and ditch the kingdom for the high seas?" and convinces isabel to go full pirate

obsetress: and then isabel kinda passes out with her head in jamie's lap and jamie's just kinda idly playing with her hair (vi is already like "am i... attracted to jamie in this moment?")

obsetress: and jamie's like "y'know, i should bring mikey round next time isabel's here" and viola's like "......who?" and jamie's like "my little brother? mikey?" and viola's like "right.... right"

obsetress: cut to later, when dani and jamie have retired to vi and becca's guest room: "since when does jamie have a little brother?" "she always has, babe"

em: kinda obsessed w like. violas love for isabel means her wires get crossed when the surly gardener is Good With Kids

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: mikey and isabel immediately hit it off i think

obsetress: a bit of an odd couple because i think isabel is definitely, like, her mother's daughter and mikey is............. mikey

obsetress: but i think they meet in the middle and help each other grow and play pirates together

em: viola is like. of course mikey and isabel will get along. isabel is wonderful. but jamie is quietly Sweating about the whole thing

em: so damvibecca are having their afternoon tea and their little cakes and jamie is Quietly sweating and she’s like ‘quiet is good, right? like they’re not tryna k-‘ and then there’s the sound of two 8 year olds (idk how old they are tbh) YELLING as they chase each other down the hall w wrapping paper tubes

obsetress: nervous babbling dani x quietly sweating jamie, an otp

em: isabel has gotten into the make up n given them both black eyes n scars and moustaches n everyone’s like oh no how’s viola gonna feel about this but viola is DELIGHTED

obsetress: dani's like "chill you all she's gonna––" and then viola is getting up and asking them to do her face too

em: made a parrot outta a sock and newspaper

obsetress: viola playing pirates w isabel and mikey

em: kids w their endless creativity n absolute disregard for personal property is truly a thing of dreams

obsetress: mikey gives her a paper tube and she disarms isabel, takes hers, and offers it very seriously to jamie

em: cuteeee

obsetress: rebecca's giving dani a look and dani is completely unfazed and reaching for another tea cake

em: absolutely unflappable dani clayton

em: dani and rebecca sharing a Look like hey have you ever seen her this gleeful

obsetress: there is something very tasty about jamie taylor having a direct hand in making viola so gleeful

em: takes a village!

obsetress: when viola's two big loves are sitting five feet away from them both

em: everyone changes everyone for the better

em: fucken soft ass chat over here

obsetress: everyone changes everyone for the better

obsetress: soft as hell

em: thesis statement everyone likes each other so much (jamie pretends she doesn’t)

obsetress: (jamie pretends she doesn't) (jamie might like everyone the most)

obsetress: viola registers mikey for isabel's school n pays full tuition

em: oh my god

obsetress: jamie is horrified and refuses to accept it and viola waves a hand and is like "too late, deposit's non-refundable"

em: (they carpool)

obsetress: PLEASE

obsetress: oh god and like

obsetress: flora and miles go there too

obsetress: full circle complete

em: broke: highschool au woke: guardians of primary schoolers au

obsetress: dani jamie in bed jamie's like "you don't...... think it's weird?" "hmm?" "mikey going to.... school with our boss' kids?" "why would that be weird" "i dunno" "he also goes to school with my ex's kid" "he's best friends with your ex's kid" "and that's not weird, is it?" (grumbles) "not anymore" "so why would this be?"

em: jamie’s ribbing mikey for his silly tie and straw hat but she teaches him how to tie a tie and also she keeps crying for some reason???

obsetress: oh fuck

em: mikey: can’t i just get a fake tie >:/

jamie: no because when u have a real tie you can leave it untied a little as an act of rebellion

obsetress: god it's jamie crying for me

em: i love that big baby

obsetress: so much!

em: jamies like idk what’s gotten into me i never cry n danis like. raises one eye brow and mentally checks off all the times jamie has absolutely bawled watching a movie

em: not even a sad movie

em: dani plays along

em: maybe ur getting soft in ur old age jamie

obsetress: jamie i cry three four times a day five if i'm being honest taylor

em: thinking about their weekly weekend lunch w damvibecca and hannah and owen and miles and flora and

obsetress: dfjsldkfjslfslfj

obsetress: god big found family

obsetress: you know viola doesn't like

obsetress: dani and jamie respectfully toe around whatever the fuck owen and hannah have going on but viola just does not suffer it. she's so blunt to them

em: big viola grin and all ‘owen, hannah, i assume you will be each other’s dates?’ (owen chokes on his tiny egg sandwich)

em: hannah grose is serene and unreadable as she dabs a bit off yolk off owens moustache

em: maybe even a bit pleased

obsetress: everyone is always so tense when viola and hannah get together because neither of them take shit yknow

obsetress: and everyone's like "which way is this gonna go"

em: god. peak snarky broads

obsetress: but usually they end up good. two apex predators where one is a lil vicious but the other is so confident in its status that it just chills

em: they have the Best gossip

obsetress: would love to sit in and listen as they drink tea and gossip tbh

em: viola presses owen on hannah and he goes red and viola presses hannah on owen and she does a little wouldnt-you-like-to-know into her tea

em: viola nee willoughby and hannah grose friendship is. truly something i never knew i needed until now

em: they’re both just that lil bit older than the rest of the gang too

obsetress: an important coalition

obsetress: hannah grose! hannah looking out for rebecca and that's the couple times she gets a lil testy w vi

obsetress: mikey and isabel besties but flora and mikey get along really well and isabel and miles do too i think

em: the sheer chaos of a taylor-lloyd-windgrave story time

obsetress: LDKFjKLSDJF HELP

obsetress: taylor lloyd wingrave story time

obsetress: jamie suddenly very invested in story time

obsetress: dani's like "i know this is the first time you've actually cared about story time, babe, so let me give you some pointers"

em: i was just in my head thinking fondly about like. jamie is a drop out and plays a lil dumb sometimes for fun but also prolly reads a lot especially to mikey and now i’m like. wait i’m talking to Ms Floras Two Moms herself

em: idk if i had that headcanon before i read she taught me a lesson alright but yknow what! doesn’t matter it’s a beautiful one

obsetress: thank youuuu i love it a lot

obsetress: jamie big reader is generally one of my fave headcanons tbh i'm glad it seems to be widely accepted. can't even explain why it's just nice

em: sometimes i will talk 2 ppl about my passionate drop out jamie taylor belief n then they’re like but she’s smart (it’s only happened a couple times hahsj) and i’m like these aren’t mutually exclusive!! this is my very biased experience but my friends who do manual labor for a living seem to read so much more than my friends who don’t

em: your brain wants to chew over things while the hands are workin i reckon

obsetress: yes yes yes yes yes

obsetress: i think that's also like (sighs heavily)

obsetress: symptomatic of hegemonic perceptions of the working class

em: i love when u sigh heavily it’s always a fun take

obsetress: i think jamie is v clever and reflective and like if there's one thing i've learned getting older it's

obsetress: smart doesn't matter i think the most insightful most thoughtful people are the most reflective ones

obsetress: like none of it fuckin matters just be a nice person

[atsumiye]

Hi this is your therapist anon back at it with asking what happened to your day lol.

Everytime I log in, I see you and I wonder, "oh no. what happened this time"

omg hey bae :D the fact that thats the first thing you think of when you see me is truly my peak of this app.

HERE IS MY RANT UNDER THE CUT AGHFDGK

OKAY lets start with the fact that its a monday. bc who likes mondays. ANYWHO i woke up and was exhausted for no reason bc i actually started going to sleep at a decent time but i decided to open tumblr and the literal first post i saw made me so angry :D i wont talk about it too much but like....this person made me angry but ill MOVE ON anyway. then my stomach starts to hurt #IBSwarrior and im like on the verge on tossing myself onto the floor and forgetting about life but the rest of the day i just feel so gross but after a while it started to go away a bit. and i had this cute start of the week outfit in my head only to try it on. and i look like a cowboy. SCREAMING BC I LIVE IN EASTERN EUROPE. THESE OLD LADIES STARE WHEN I WEAR A TSHIRT AND JEANS AND NOW I LOOK LIKE A COWBOY?? I WONT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE yk. THEN idk if i mentioned but i have to write a thesis paper for one of my classes and only have 2 WEEKS TO WRITE A 22 PAGE PAPER????? ONE THAT STUDENTS WORK ON FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR??? but its in pairs so its a bit less work but but me and my friend had to write 4 pages today and we decided to split it but IDK when someone decided to change the definition of the word split bc i did 3 pages?? and she did 1??? so unless webster dictionary decided split now means an unequal share then what the fuck yk??? BUT then we get a break and i stupidly decide im going to drink some coffee and go to my next class. if i could go back in time and personally smack myself i would bc WOW that coffee did not do me well. BASICALLY we had to present this study worksheet we did and my group decides I HAVE to be the one to present it. and right before we have to go up and present,,, the coffee makes itself KNOWN. i wont get into too much detail but im ready to pass out on the floor while waiting to present and i mention it to my friends and they are like, ¨dont be nervous its not a big deal." and im like NO IT IS A BIG DEAL IM GONNA CRY and so i had to pretend like i wasnt in severe pain while talking about how i would conduct a cohort study on whether elevated levels of blood cholesterol are related to a risk in incidence of strokes. THEN THEN i run out to go to the bathroom ONLY FOR SOMEONE TO BE IN THERE and thats so embarrassing bc i like YANKED on the door and it was locked and someone was inside so i was like fuck that ill wait till i get home. then my friend decides now is the perfect time to take her sweet ass time to speak with our professor about god knows what so i miss my bus and the only one that goes to my house is in 30 minutes??? im ready to explode so thats not gonna work but one of my other friends suggests we can rent a little car and drive home. BAD IDEA she is a horrible driver </3 she drove on one way roads the wrong way, on sidewalks, she sped through old town, and im like holding on for dear life clenching every muscle in my body type beat. i got home took a nap bc i was still feeling sick. i went to the store to buy some things and i get all the way home only to realize i forgot tomatoes. TOMATOES. i bought 2783 other things i didnt need but forgot the one thing i did need??? now bc that wasnt enough today is the jewish new year and im celebrating by myself :(( so i decide to order some food form one of my favorite restaurants only for it to be MEDIOCRE AT BEST. and it made my stomach hurt. and now im sitting in bed <33

anyway this was so nice to type out bc it makes me feel better SOB thank you for always asking omg

[spelltorn]

𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑷𝒀  𝑶𝑵𝑬  𝒀𝑬𝑨𝑹,  𝑵𝑶𝑿 !     (   day  two :   six  characters .   )

↳     i  can’t  reiterate  this  any  more  than  rachel  or  cherry  or  maeve  already  have  ,  but  it  was  so  hard  to  narrow  this  down  ,  and  at  the  end  of  the  day  ,  it  almost  became  a  love  letter  to  all  of  you .     nox  is  SUCH  an  amazing  space  and  all  of  y’all  are  incredible  and  talented  and  i’m  so  ,  so  glad  to  have  been  able  to  be  part  of  it  for  the  last  six   (  how  has  it  been  ??  six  ??  )   months .     so  let’s  rock  n  roll  -

𝚋𝚕𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚎  𝚣𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚗𝚒     (   @ofzvbini   )     -     mozz. listen. LISTEN. every day that i see a blaise post on the dash i gain three years on my life. i could write a thesis on why your blaise (and luna......and ofc even eulalia........) is hands down the most well - written and well - crafted portrayal i’ve ever gotten to write alongside. blaise is one of those characters in canon that we really didn’t get to see much of (even what we DID see, death to the author baby), and you’ve fleshed him out into such a nuanced and compelling character. there’s this casual elegance that comes with every word you write about him that i’ve never felt before in someone’s writing. maybe i’m easily charmed or maybe blaise is just ridiculously charismatic, idk, but i’m so sucked in with the lyricism of the narrative you’ve crafted for him. it’s beautiful and layered and so, so entertaining to follow along with.

𝚊𝚟𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗  𝚋𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚛     (   @avalcn   )     -     alyssa, my love for u and lonnie knows NO bounds. i was so excited when i saw you had come back and brought her with you  -  watching as you weave her into the fabric of the nox canon and the hp universe as a whole is fascinating and fun and so ? fresh ? for lack of a better word. i always have so much fun talking and plotting with you because avalon is a character that really gripped me from the start. she feels like she belongs here and is really just a fun character to continually be learning more and more about. i also feel obligated to mention how much i love the ron and avalon dynamic here  -  after we first talked about them it really just sort of felt natural and integral to him as a character following the second war that avalon was also there. it’s so easy to bounce off of you and them and the unique feel of avalon  -  i’m so excited to be able to write more with her!!

𝚗𝚒𝚔𝚘𝚕𝚊𝚒  𝚔𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚏     (   @monstrovs​   )     -     you know how i told you a couple weeks ago that the one year anniversary would be me turning into a rachel lovebot? yeah. consider this part one. you have no idea how hard it was to choose just one of your characters  -  it got to the point where i had to consider the day three prompt and where else i could shower you with my undying love and affection, because honestly, i’m obsessed with every single one of your characters. 

niko, however, is one of those characters that i regularly forget isn’t plucked directly from canon. there’s so much humor to him as a concept and the way you write about him, but every reply never ceases to make me more and more intrigued by his characterization. he’s genuinely such a fascinating character to learn more about, and is unlike any i’ve been lucky enough to write against  -  he, like the rest of your characters, just feels so real. there’s a rawness to the karkaroffs that feels uniquely human, despite the total fuckin memeing about them. your narrative for niko is so clever and gritty and captivating; he, and the karkaroffs, are just incomparable.

anyway have it on the record that i love this unhinged bastard and i love u

𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚖𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚎  𝚐𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛     (   @dolors   )     -     the love in my heart for you and all your chars........unbound. your talent? amazes me every day? it’s ridiculous. it was so hard to choose between lucius and hermione for this, but i am nothing if not a hermione granger stan, and i’m never over the amount of care you’ve put into your portrayal. hermione is such a grounded and flawed character  -  sometimes it can be easy to reduce the core book characters into their most basic tropes, but the way you write her only continues to build and flesh hermione out into something far beyond what canon could have ever accomplished. you capture her in a way that just brings her to life  -  all of her vibrancy and wit and blunt edges and strength, as well as the twinge of sadness that runs as a sort of undercurrent to everything she’s gone through. your voice for hermione feels natural in the way that writing does for people who clearly just love a character; it’s lyrical and distinct, and so so beautiful to read. not only that, but i find it incredibly easy to bounce off of and reply to; threads with hermione (any of your characters, really), are often some of the most effortless for me to feel inspired by and start cranking out responses for. every thread i have with you always pushes me and inspires me in a way that feels so unique to you and nox. moral of the story is that i love all of your characters and your big brain and i can’t wait to see what else we come up with as nox goes on!!!

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚎  𝚠𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚢     (   @dragonw   )     -     charlie......charlie weasley if ur reading this im free on thursday. pls respond and then hang out with me on thursday when i am free  -

bee, the way you’ve taken charlie and turned them into so much more than what was given in canon is unmatched. i could write sonnets on how much i love this family, and all three of your characters, but there’s something about charlie that i really have a soft spot for. charlie as a character is so fuckin cool  -  the epitome of the rad older sibling we all deserve, tbf. but you’ve also turned them into a flawed, compelling human being that leaps out of every reply you write. the weasleys have gone through so much, and i love seeing the way that impacts and shines through in your writing  -  there’s this warmth and liveliness that emanates from charlie, and the thread of anxiety and regret that’s interwoven so well alongside it is so lovely to read. 

𝚝𝚑𝚎  𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜     (   @pclearwaters   )     -     vicky. vicky!!! i could write essays forever on why i love each and every one of your characters. having me root for dudley dursley? the way you’ve integrated him into the wizarding world? icb how big your brain has to be to accomplish everything you have with him. and alicia? alicia spinnet could punch me in the face and i would thank her. but instead of going wax poetic on them, i’m going to cheat a lil bit by talking abt tempest AND penny. you’ve taken a character that’s given so little in canon, and developed them into something larger than life and wildly fun to keep up with. the entire family sucked me in  -  their death eater ties. penny defecting. tempest’s history and personality like nature in all of its extremes. the relationship between the two of them. everything in between  -  i have no words for how in awe i am of everything you’ve done with them, and i can’t wait to see what you have planned for the future!!

[dreadwulf]

What is your favourite bit of writing you've done? Favorite scene etc.

Im not a great judge of my own writing, I am far too insecure for that. I think from a process perspective I’m really pleased that I got through some of the passages I struggled with the most, like the plot-heavy chapters 12+13 of AMFAS. And the all-exposition Chapter 14, which was a real bitch to write. Those chapters were where I kind of let go of politely rearranging canon like very delicate furniture and started to invent new elements, and go full creepy, and that was really satisfying. I also like the tone I've gotten to that's kind of ominous and gothic and doomed. Like this bit from Chapter 14:

In his dreams the Red Keep is empty and silent. There is blood pooling on the floors, in every chamber, on every floor, and in the throne room it rises inches high, wine-dark and thick and clotted. The blood seeps out from every sword in the Iron Throne, drips down to the stone floor and flows away in a foul river through the doors and windows and from there out into King’s Landing, into the Crownlands, into all of Westeros, an entire continent awash with the scarlet stench of death.

It’s not exactly subtle, but I enjoy it anyway.

I think my actual favorite scene is the one between Jaime and Brienne in the Annhilation chapter, when they are alone together just after the siege begins. I don’t really write meta, I put it into fiction instead, and that scene is sort of my thesis statement on (show) Jaime’s character. Given that, having to build up to that scene to make it work without it reading like a Tumblr post was a little tricky, but I’m real happy with how it came out.

(I’m also very fond of From This Day and Terrible Love, but I think all my best pieces of writing are in AMFAS.)