#but also I had a much different context

[loverboydotcom]

im SOOOO ready and excited to be done with chapter one of this fucking draft so i can actually see how the story will progress not just in the present but the beautiful chronological flashbacks showcasing beau and his best friend bobby. but also in order to do that i also have to get past what is probably going to be the worst and most awkward flashback to write which I’m calling “how the fuck do a 20 and a 21 year old talk for the first time about the fact one of them is dying” good god i would not wish that level of awkwardness a character not knowing what to say on my writer enemies. I mean the fact there’s no right thing to say in that context is what drives it and brings the tension but it’s too much tension with little pay off it’s uncomfortable situation scene-ing too close to the sun. like how do you find the source of resolution in that just an overall awful scene to construct all around

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[nova-rpv]

a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)

[wonder-worker]

Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Outdrawn

f/f contemporary romance

two cartoonist who’ve been rivals since uni, and now have competing webcomics online, have to work together on the relaunch of a cult classic at the comic press they both work at

they both struggle with art-related physical and mental health issues, and complicated families

[batsplat]

wait, is there a dovi/jorge feud???? i didn't know this!! also thank you so much for all you do for this community ❤️

not the only ask I've gotten about this and... look, rather than doing a proper write up that would take forever, I'm just gonna give my top ten fun... facts? bits of trivia. tidbits related to the two of them. quite long tidbits, on second glance. the highlight reel, if you will

(1) that time andrea dovizioso made 14 year old jorge lorenzo cry

the two of them already raced each other before the start of their grand prix careers, competing for the first time in 2001 in the cev when dovi was around 15 and jorge around 14. in riveras tobia's biography, here's jorge talking about their first fight:

I led the way at the start and Dovizioso and I escaped. It was our first head-to-head encounter, the first time we raced each other. My dad had heard that Dovi was a really clever rider and he warned me before the race. But just like in 1998 at Jerez, with Olive, I acted like a dummy and pushed for the whole race. I kept looking behind me to see the bastard still there! It was impossible to shake him off, he was watching me the whole race until the last lap. Three comers from the end I could hear his engine getting closer and I saw his shadow to my left, but he didn't come past. I thought to myself "This guy is going to try something in a second!" I decided I had to on a tighter line and close the door. Sure enough, Dovi went wider through that comer and then dived up the inside. I didn't close the door in time and tried to get in his slipstream, desperately hoping I could get him the next corner, but I ran wide and he won. I came back in tears, I didn't even want to go to the podium, I felt so cheated. I'd been on the limit for the whole race and I felt like I deserved the win more than he did.

so that's a nice and positive start! there's something charming about how even fifteen year old dovi was an absolute menace on last laps

also about that race:

'Jorge beat Dovi in Braga but in the previous race at Most, what a tantrum!' recalls Juanito, laughing. 'He didn't even want to go to the podium, he was crying like a baby! I can still see Dani (Antatriain) talking to him, trying to convince him. In the end he went but he didn't want to look at anybody.'

(2) the photo finish

in 2004, they were rivals in 125cc - a year in which dovi claimed the title and jorge was p4 in the standings. in the very first grand prix ever at the lusail circuit (pretty eventful weekend, you have to say), jorge and dovi crossed the line at the exact same moment

(3) dovi's top three favourite career win

dovi and jorge progressed through the categories at the exact same rate, and after their 125cc rivalry they continued fighting in 250cc. they were title rivals in both 2006 and 2007, with jorge's aprilia winning out both times against dovi's underpowered honda. (the general pattern was that dovi clawed back a bunch of points from jorge in the wet - jorge, with perhaps the exception of a few years in the premier class until around 2013, has never been much of a wet weather racers, while it's always been one of dovi's strongest traits.) for dovi's 300th career start in 2019, he was asked what his top three wins were - and one of his picks was from way back when in 2007

I'd recommend the race! which... well, I did in the race rec post - and I can only reiterate that these two kids do not acknowledge each other, not good vibes at all

(4) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2008

Jorge has a lot of respect for Andrea Dovizioso and feels that his two 250cc world titles have even more prestige because he had to beat the Italian to win them. 'You wouldn't label Dovizioso as fast, particularly, but he's much faster than he looks. He doesn't set many pole positions but he is always up front in a race, fighting to win. He is very intelligent and you can't trust him an inch on the last lap. He has been faithful to Honda, he has great belief in them. His negative side is that he tends to play the victim too much. He'll say that if his bike had a better engine or if it was a bit faster he would win. He's even said that if he was on the same bike as me he'd give me a hiding. I think he looks for excuses too often sometimes, but as a rider and a person I don't have a bad word to say about him.'

some dovi traits read as very familiar, from how he's a better racer than qualifier to the intelligence to the last lap prowess. as for jorge saying dovi plays victim too much? well

also this:

ER: Don't you think that Dovizioso wanted to be World Champion too in 2006 and 2007? Don't you think he gave everything to achieve it? JL: He will think he gave his maximum but he will be lying to himself because nobody does that. Nobody gets close to their maximum, not even me. He will think that he didn't win because he was riding a Honda. There are very few sportsmen who will say, I deserve what happened to me and there are no excuses. I didn't know how to do any better and I've done things wrong.' That is the only way to be the best, the only way. People who make excuses don't get to the top. I know riders who haven't made it for just that reason.

plus ça change

(5) jorge's thoughts on young dovi from 2018

when they were doing their thing as ducati teammates (bickering), here is one of the things jorge said about dovi:

dovi's been trying to undermine jorge's morale his WHOLE career... even when they were but teenagers... love it when you can really tell someone's been sitting on something for over a decade

(6) "also lorenzo is not my friend"

both of them moved up to motogp in 2008, jorge with factory yamaha and dovi with satellite honda. dovi had a very strong rookie season and finished in p5, only sixteen points behind jorge in p4 (who after a promising first few races had spent a lot of time that season crashing). after that, their fortunes diverged. dovi did not have a particularly happy time in the factory honda team and needed to do some shrewd negotiating to be retained by them for 2011 in that three-man squad, while jorge of course won the championship in 2010

here's a deep cut from 2011, a season where much of the excitement and drama was caused by marco simoncelli alone. jorge had exchanged tense words with sic in estoril, one race before simoncelli was responsible for a crash where dani broke his collarbone. the crash and sic's subsequent penalty meant that the three-way fight between jorge, dovi and valentino became one for the podium, with dovi and valentino eventually grabbing the two remaining spots behind casey. but during the race, jorge had executed a... questionable manoeuvre on dovi, one that did have some similarities to the sic/dani incident. given jorge's strong previous comments on racing standards, unsurprisingly the journalists pounced on this incident in the post-race presser and ask the podium sitters about it. here is the clip:

in this clip, dovi essentially says it was a dangerous move from jorge, but he wasn't sure what jorge's intent had been and he needs to watch the footage again. valentino (who had been the most outspokenly critical of sic of the three of them earlier in the presser) takes the opportunity presented to him to have a bit of a potshot at jorge. he says that dovi doesn't have the best relationship with sic but jorge had done something pretty similar in the race... at which point dovi goes "also lorenzo is not my friend"

which, you know. not exactly a major incident, but I find it very charming dovi felt the need to clarify that, actually, he doesn't like either of them. valentino also adds that by jorge's own standards, surely he too should have gotten a penalty. not exactly a meeting of jorge's biggest fans hm

(7) mapping eight-gate

well I can't leave it out, can I

so in 2017 jorge switches from yamaha to ducati and does not have a great time of it. a lot of weekends, he's just too slow, other times he shoots to the front of a race at the start (typically not great news for the rest of the field in his yamaha days) and then chews up his tyres before gradually dropping like a stone back through the field. at some point that year it became a bit of a running gag - especially when you saw he was the only big name to be picking a soft tyre and just went... buddy we ALL know how this is gonna end....

while this was happening, his teammate dovi was for the first time in his premier class career in championship contention. an extremely close title fight throughout the year with five protagonists until pretty late in the season, it eventually went to a title decider in valencia between dovi and marc. you know, the kind of year where every point counts. the race where marc put a bit of daylight between himself and dovi was phillip island, with marc winning a great dogfight out front while dovi had a bit of a horror show of a weekend. this meant that a lot would have to go right for dovi to have a chance of still winning the title... and sepang was already a match point race for marc

ducati had not won a championship since their 2007 title, courtesy of one casey stoner. after that year, their bike became steadily less competitive every season, reaching a nadir around the 2011-13-ish period. so by the time 2017 rolled around, they wanted this so so badly - even if they wouldn't have expected dovi to lead the charge. dovi had only narrowly beaten out iannone in the 'who's going to be fired for our shiny new lorenzo hire' contest of 2016, and really it was supposed to be jorge who was carrying ducati's dreams on his shoulders. but, never mind, they were throwing everything behind dovi now... no stone left unturned

which brings us, of course, to the subject of team orders. this discourse really took off at the penultimate race of the season at sepang, but was already brewing before that - and in phillip island, satellite ducati rider redding had been told early in the race to let dovi past

here from marc at sepang:

dovi had been in great form all weekend at sepang - and with his wet weather prowess being what it was, really there shouldn't have been any need for team orders at all. but he got a sluggish start, and the race unfolded from there... until eventually jorge was in first, dovi was in second and marc in fourth. in those positions, marc would have clinched the title there

and then, jorge got a message on his dashboard. suggested mapping: mapping 8. pit boards and dashboards and all sorts of boards will feature various codes during races, most of them completely innocuous - but of course they are a healthy source of all sorts of conspiracies. the timing of this one was certainly... notable, and speculation immediately started about how it might be a way of telling jorge that he should swap positions with dovi

jorge didn't end up letting dovi pass - it is questionable whether he really would have done so with what would have been his first ducati win on the line. in the end, he made a mistake that let dovi through so that dovi claimed the win anyway, keeping himself in mathematical contention in valencia. and jorge did say afterwards he was keeping dovi's title hopes in mind, kind of

jorge also said he hadn't gotten any message indicating team orders, and of course nobody at ducati confirmed that mapping eight did have anything to do with team orders

for what it's worth, this is what dovi said about their relationship at this stage:

lovely! let's see what the vibes are like a few months later

anyway, onto valencia. this race was pretty boring despite being a title decider, but the jorge/dovi bits were just unequivocally the weekend's most enjoyable aspect and rather nicely spiced up the whole thing. dovi's chances were always slim going in, given he'd have to win the race and marc would have to barely get any points at all... but still, you never know, right? marc could always crash (narrator: he did almost crash). jorge plays coy early in the weekend about the whole 'helping dovi out thing', and basically just started putting in place...? ... very specific conditions...? under which he'd help:

so during the actual race, dovi got stuck behind jorge in p5, with marc ahead of both of them. valencia is traditionally not a fantastic track to overtake at... so even if dovi had been faster, it's not like he'd have an easy time clearing jorge and cracking on. but they were beginning to drift further away from dani in p3 as ducati watched on, increasingly unamused by what was happening - and the tv cameras were of course kind enough to repeatedly show the ducati box looking deeply unamused. again, they went for the good old mapping eight message, which, hey, that could mean anything! they sure did keep showing it to jorge though, almost like he wasn't paying attention to it

eventually, they abandon all subtlety and go for a pit board message that does just straight-up tell jorge to swap positions. jorge kept ignoring the messages, lap after lap, and he never ended up letting dovi past. eventually they both crashed and marc claimed the title with a p3 finish, so it wouldn't have mattered anyway, but... still. the feeling was that this might things rather awkward inside of ducati

publicly, ducati was extremely keen to smooth over the whole controversy, saying they totally weren't mad at jorge blatantly ignoring team orders. jorge had, after all, explained to them (and the media, repeatedly) that he had totally been intending to help dovi by dragging him closer to dani

Giving his take on events, Lorenzo acknowledged that he ignored Ducati’s instruction because he felt Dovizioso’s chances would be boosted by having him directly ahead. “Even looking at this [dashboard] suggestion, I keep pushing until the end, because I knew it was the best thing for me, for Ducati and for Dovi,” said Lorenzo. “I helped him to improve his pace by one or two tenths, to be as close as possible to the first group. My intention was, and it was the case, that we arrive at the first group. If he had the option to win, I would have gone wide and let him pass. But unfortunately it was not like that. Maybe in some corners Dovi was close and I slow down a little bit his pace, but in general terms, having my wheel in front of him made him improve slightly his pace. I helped him stayed closer to the front group. “I knew Dovi was struggling, I knew his pace during all the weekend, and I knew he was making the best pace of the weekend just in the race. It was [because of the] help from my wheel. I’m happy because I was not wrong. If I was wrong and slowing him, I would be very sorry. But it’s not like that, my feeling was true.”

which, you know. is it really that easy to tell how much faster you are than someone who's sitting on your rear tyre? who's to say. dovi did certainly seem rather keen to get past

anyhow, of course there were plenty of fun dramatics post-race:

'our rider ignored team suggestions not team orders' is a great line, fairs. there's plenty more of this from ducati, some excellent spin doctoring - and dovi was extremely magnanimous about what had happened:

the whole thing was pretty undignified from all non-dovi parties, but it was also very funny so who's to say if it was bad or not

(8) runner-up-gate

let's check in on them in 2018, the second and ultimately last year in which they were teammates. remember that 'undermining morale' quote from above? those are from early 2018, after dovi says he wouldn't be surprised to see jorge elsewhere the following season. so, once jorge has complained that dovi had been trying to put him down his entire career, comes this:

so that's something. jorge, dovi and dani have a three-in-one crash in jerez, after which some fingers are pointed but it all remains fairly civil, and a bit later dovi says that jorge's approach doesn't work at ducati:

by the summer break, jorge's results had gotten better, but it was already too late to save the relationship with ducati and they parted ways. anyway, here's dovi and jorge having another go at it:

And while a rough patch for Dovizioso coupled with breakthrough back-to-back wins for Lorenzo in Mugello and Barcelona have now left the pair just three points apart in the standings, Dovizioso refused to back down from his claim when speaking to Spanish sports daily Marca ahead of the upcoming Brno race. “He’s won two races,” Dovizioso said. “Winning two races does not solve the problem of a year and a half. Lorenzo was not signed to win two races. Therefore I do not change my mind.” When the comments were put to Lorenzo, the three-time champion offered an ardent retort, stating that Dovizioso's rhetoric was proof of the claim he'd made back in April. “I'm a bit fed up with this situation, mainly because when I had trouble and he was winning, I was down there applauding,” Lorenzo told Spanish broadcaster Movistar. “What I said in Argentina - and the comments caused a big surprise - you can see that I was right. “He tried to undermine me, or downplay what I achieve or just attack me. As you can see, I wasn't lying. He's still doing it and now he says my method is not good, according to him.” Lorenzo intimated that Dovizioso was in no position to criticise him, as the Italian could do no better than runner-up to Marc Marquez in a 'perfect' 2017 season. He said: “I think my method has not worked too bad in my career. I've won three MotoGP titles and have 46 wins.” “In my second year in Ducati I'm usually faster than him, but maybe I should look at his method closer if in his best season, with everything going perfectly, he was second. Otherwise he's fourth or seventh usually. I'd tell him to leave me to go my way and to focus on his own and everything will be better, because when you have an angry Lorenzo it's usually worse for you.” 

fair to say that by this point the pretence at civility has mostly been dropped. I'm rather fond of the "lorenzo was not signed to win two races" line, though "when you have an angry lorenzo it's usually worse for you" is also really strong stuff. dovi tries to restore a little bit of peace:

Responding in turn to Lorenzo's tirade, Dovizioso sought to play down the conflict. “Jorge has his ideas and I think they are based on particular things. I don't think like him, but it's not a problem,” he told Movistar. “Everybody creates their own ideas based on what they see and how they live. “I don't think he has everything clear in his head about what's happened, but we continue the relationship that we started last year with respect, there's no particular problem. If he thinks this way, that's his problem."

so basically the classic 'idk what he's on about but it's not my problem' approach to attempting to defuse feuds

(9) twitter-gate

there's a few more on-track battles where it's nicely obvious how badly they want to beat each other, with jorge beating marc just ahead of dovi in austria and then dovi beating jorge in brno. jorge's season is increasingly derailed by injuries, which sets the stage for their next big spat:

The row was sparked by Dovizioso's comments to Sky Italia after qualifying at Sepang on Saturday, as he was asked what he thought of Lorenzo having to pull out of the Malaysian GP weekend with injury. "I don't know the details, I don't want to get into this, it's a bit of a strange situation," said Dovizioso."It happens often in Ducati or to certain riders, but I don't understand the details and I don't want to get into it and give my opinion." When it was put to him he was offering 'cryptic words', he added: "I leave things there, it's not my problem."

pretty vague, yeah. but anyway, I'm sure jorge had a proportionate response to this

Dovizioso's comments prompted a series of irate posts from Lorenzo on Twitter, with his first reaction being "Thank you very much @AndreaDovizioso! You are a real gentleman!". In his next post, he went on to call Dovizioso "an exemplary teammate", adding: "You applaud him under the podium when he wins and then... (That's right, he does not give his opinion, it's not his problem)." After that, Lorenzo labelled Dovizioso "envious" and described him as "a world champion... in 125cc."

the podium thing really bothered him, don't you think. their ducati in-fighting follows that general pattern where dovi says something... a little shady, a little ambiguous, where his intentions aren't entirely obvious... at which point jorge goes all in at fighting back and has a go at dovi - often not as much for what dovi is actually saying, but what jorge thinks dovi is implying. which is based on his understanding of dovi, the image of dovi he's built up in his head over the years, so that he is... predisposed to think ill of the intentions of the 'intelligent' dovi who always knows exactly what he's saying

again, dovi tried to downplay the argument, while simultaneously not exhibiting much patience for jorge's stance:

After the Malaysian GP, Dovizioso was asked about Lorenzo's responses to his comments, and the Italian accused his teammate of reading too much into headlines. He said: “Why should I talk to Lorenzo? I do not waste time on these things. He makes the usual mistake of giving too much importance to what is written, even without the context. "I have not pointed my finger at anyone and I have no problem with Jorge."

if I were ducati, I probably would've let the whole thing blow over given jorge was off soon anyway. but they decided the whole thing was so bad they had to organise a peace summit

Asked about the situation, Ducati sporting director Paolo Ciabatti admitted to Motorsport.com that the Bologna marque has already planned to sit its two riders on Tuesday in Milan to make it clear what its priorities are. Ciabatti said: “It is clear that the interests of Ducati come before personal problems between riders. On Tuesday we will be together in Milan, for the EICMA [motorcycle show] and we have in mind to spend half an hour to sit and talk to Jorge and Andrea. "We want to avoid similar things to what happened last weekend. "I understand that these kinds of situations can happen. Sometimes riders get nervous during a Grand Prix weekend and on a rainy day, with tricky conditions, sometimes they say things they shouldn’t have said."

god knows how that turned out

(10) wow, you guys aren't gonna let this go, huh

late 2020 and jorge's career is already over, while dovi's looks like it will be... paused, at the very least. which is always a good time to check in with riders on how they feel about their rivals - if they're still being nasty you know that shit was personal. from december:

some quality petty material here. "I can't understand his somewhat peculiar mind" vs "he was envious of me since 250cc, but I wanted to give our relationship a chance". note too jorge talking again about how generous he had been in the face of dovi's 2017 successes, and how he feels like this was not reciprocated at all. jorge's complaints don't stop there:

merry christmas!

not the only rider jorge has beefed with post-retirement, but compare and contrast with how he really hasn't been doing any of that with some of his biggest career rivals. valentino, marc, dani - sure, he still talks about the controversies he's had with them pretty regularly (to put it lightly), and he's hardly free of complaints... but mostly it's a distinctly nostalgic tone he's adopting with these guys. admittedly, it helps that none of those three have gone out of their way to say anything particularly inflammatory about jorge. still, the absolute lack of any sort of rapprochement with dovi of all people is pretty funny

bonus: that time when jorge skittled all of marc's rivals

you know how in catalunya 2019, jorge took out like? all of marc's major rivals in that era including himself in one go? with half a decade of hindsight, this was kind of hilarious, and it did also feature jorge having to eat a hell of a lot of humble pie and go to the three other blokes to apologise. anyway I have a lovingly assembled set of screenshots of all three of them emoting in their boxes after the incident, all suffering some form of an existential crisis. here is dovi contemplating the bleak realities of our brief lives on this planet:

truly one of the world's least enthusiastic waves

bonus 2: another one for old time's sake

already posted this elsewhere, but this from late 2023 made me laugh

"jorge came to ducati and thought he was going to beat everything, but in the end he didn't" uh huh

[angeart]

I mean, its a lil bit dramatic xD But the one you guys say is loud and may have been insensitive before being the one to step up? I like (which also yes I wanna ask about that too its me I wanna know all the things)

-🎀

it's overdramatic, hehe.

and. gosh, kane. the way kane grows on them and, honestly, the way they grown on kane, is so precious to me. and it was a very rocky start, mind you! [2,8k ramble ahead <3]

as i said before, they actually first met months before the vex arc. back then, the vex party (kane included) were slightly interested in scar, and considered grian as a liability to him. that was the eclipse day, especially dangerous, and they were sure an avian like that was bound to not survive, anyway.

scar is invited to go with them. he refuses.

imagine their surprise when they run into them later, and grian's still there. it's still the two of them against the world.

the vex party is different now—it's not the best warriors coming out into chaos and mayhem to get their claws bloody. they're less on guard, more curious and open. impressed, honestly, that these two are still alive.

they invite them again, this time the avian included, and... they say yes. (mostly lured by a prospect of sleeping in an actual bed.)

there's no real accommodation extended to grian as an avian. (except nadia does put in the effort to make the place safer for the birb guest.) (safe from what, you ask? hehe. dw about that <3)

everything continues feeling a bit precarious and uneasy, because even though the vexes have no interest in grian's wings—they themselves are hunted and actively fight hunters, after all; they have no dealings with them—it's still very uncomfortable, the way they are looking at him. the way their attention inevitably snags at him, his presence sticking out even with his wings tucked underneath his cloak.

honestly, for a while, the vexes really don't consider grian as a part of the group at all. he's just scar's plus-one, almost like a possession. he seems to belong to scar, in some way.

they'd still fight to protect him, if it came to that, but with a convoluted logic behind it, you know? they protect their own, and scar is one of them—a vex. and grian comes attached to that. that's all there is to it, in their eyes.

the vexes are loud and brash and violent. taunting and open. they're not used to someone who isn't like that. someone who might need more space, different boundaries. someone who doesn't have magic and claws and can't heal—someone light and small, with bones that might break far too easily, and with bright but dishevelled feathers so fearfully and insistently tucked out of sight.

they have no idea how to treat this avian, and they're stubborn enough to not even really consider it at first. he is living with them, surely he can be the one to adjust?

---

this all sort of culminates into the bird incident.

consider this: one day the vex hunting party returns with a rare specialty: a bird.

grian hasn't really seen a living bird yet in this world. and now won't be an exception. the vex saw the bird and promptly shot it, looking forward to the meal. they come back to the village all boisterous and grinning, flaunting the feathery carcass.

it's not like they outright present it to the avian—even they know that'd be wrong—but they're overjoyed and loud about it, wanting to show the others, not really being careful.

grian's ears ring. he's overcome with nausea, feeling dizzy, trying not to have a panic attack right then and there,.helplessly trying not to associate their howls and cheers with the elated, cruel cheers of hybrid hunters.

scar, of course, is pissed on grian's behalf.

but the others don't understand. it's not something they'd ever consider, a wholly new concept that refuses to sink fast enough to deescalate. birds are a rare delicacy! they're yummy and this is a triumph! this is meant to be good, c'mon! it has nothing to do with the avian!

kane says something along the lines of, “come on scar it’s food we don’t need to coddle him—“ 

and Scar gets even more pissed off. “are you even thinking?? try to put yourself in our shoes—“ 

this all leads to a fight breaking out between kane and scar. a vex fight, using vex forms! which is how they solve arguments here in the commune.

vex forms use vex magic that is rooted in emotions, and because of that, there's an unspoken understanding that whoever feels stronger about the issue at hand is bound to win. it's a convoluted way to say that the winner is the one with stronger conviction.

but kane has a much better control over his vex form than scar does, instantly putting scar at a disadvantage, no matter how fiercely he wants to have an upper hand here, to show them that they are wrong.

they fight with claws and teeth, feral and angry, and— this is normal! it's normal for vexes! their vex forms run on magic that will patch them up, and neither of them is really trying to genuinely harm the other.

still, it's scary to witness. blood is drawn. it's hard to tell whose it is. it's all a bit of a blur.

grian's mind is reeling. he moves on pure instinct, trying to get into the fray, to help scar.

nico takes place by grian's side and holds him back. "just let them fight it out." he's very calm about it. he knows his mate, he speaks with his claws sometimes, that's just how things are. "they'll be fine."

it would be placating, maybe, if grian's mind wasn't so violently spinning. maybe if he was used to people who aren't scar leaning close into his orbit. maybe if he was used to hands other than scar's touching him.

right now, grian is already haywire on unease, and he's being grabbed and—

he lets out a distressed chirp.

this effectively whips scar's attention away from his fight with kane, instantly searching for threats to his mate, and lunging at nico instead.

which in turn triggers kane's protectiveness of his mate, and he pounces on scar with much more force. the "petty" argument shifts into something worse, more fierce. things get a bit out of hand.

nico releases grian, realising they need to break this up and pull the two idiots (/aff) apart before they really hurt themselves.

grian's strategy is still to put himself between kane and scar, so that he can't hurt scar more. so he leaps in, wings flapping, desperate to shield his mate.

it's what he'd do with hunters, but kane is a clawed, angry vex.

nico is the only levelheaded one to see where this is going. the only one to instantly understand the consequences of this. because grian isn't a vex. he's an avian, made of brittle, hollow bones, and without a lick of magic in his body that'd help him heal.

grian gets so close to getting horribly injured. it's only nico that stops kane short of hurting him. snapping him out of it. scolding grian, too, like what were you thinking??

but this is a breaking point, a line drawn, where the vexes see that this bird is as fiercely protective as scar is. that he isn't a coward. that he is willing to put himself on the line. and, it gets grian some respect! a fearless little bird!

while nico checks grian over, still scolding him but no longer encroaching on his space or trying to touch him, kane walks over to scar, who is on the ground, mildly concussed but otherwise okay. kane extends his hand to pull him up.

because it's over now! they fought it out. (scar lost.) there's a mutual respect in the aftermath of vex fights, no sour feelings—there's nothing shameful in fighting for what you believe in, after all. and even if there's only one winner, it levels the ground they're standing on, inching towards mutual understanding. or something.

so he helps scar up, throwing out a remark as he grins: "your bird is crazy, scar. i like him."

scar is still dizzy when he responds with a dazed "i like him too."

in the aftermath of this, vexes start to pay more attention to grian. more openly letting him in, interacting with him (instead of just addressing scar), trying to include him.

tentatively, grian lets it happen. it still has its bumps, many mishaps. but none out of malice, you know?

like that time kane talked to grian about mating marks. he basically acknowledges that he doesn't get it, knowing nothing about the avian side of things, not realising what scar's earring means. after all, vexes mark their loved ones with teeth! that's the language kane understands!

it's a whole big deal, really stressing grian out, even if it wasn't meant maliciously. but it's just one more thing showing that these vexes don't really understand anything about avians—their instincts, communication, or ways of showing affection. they never really had to think about it!

so misunderstandings are bound to happen. but it's not all bad! it stops being so awfully rocky over time, with less steps on buried landmines. it tides into a collection of nicer moments as the vexes and grian learn to navigate each other and start being more accepting about their differences, learning about that gap between them. even start to try and bridge it!

the vexes celebrate often, using every little excuse to make a party out of their triumphs. they like being rowdy and dancing and just living, and they are eager to drag scar and grian into it.

it's these events that let scar and grian loosen a little bit more. they're silly with each other and unabashedly in love and, honestly, they're beginning to grow on everyone.

having scar there as a sort of middle ground between grian and the others really helps, too. because they get to see how scar interacts with grian, and how grian interacts with him. they start learning, quietly, just from that, about some subtleties. they also get to see a more open side of grian, one that's reserved for scar, allowing them a glimpse to who grian could be, if only he trusted his surroundings enough.

and maybe they find that they do want that trust.

they do want him to know he can rely on them. they'd fight for him, you know? he is now one of them, without question, they've taken him in and he's fought his way into being more than just "scar's bird". he can be fearless, ready to fight when it counts, a quality vexes hold in high regard! and they now know that there's definitely more to him than he's letting them see, and... they want to provide the space for him to unravel that. to show all of his potential. to allow him to live like they do. like the world isn't constantly about to end.

during this time, scar is often taken along on vex patrols, learning about vexes and being encouraged to develop more as a fighter (something he isn't really all that much into). this means he spends a lot of time with nico and kane, as they're two prominent warriors in this village, and they end up chatting a lot.

this then tips into them hanging out or approaching scar even outside of these patrols more often, feeling closer to him now—and that means approaching grian, too, since him and scar come as a package deal. and eventually it stops feeling like grian is the extra here. he has his own value, his own presence, and they recognise it! they want to learn more about him too!

they get a chance to see a side of grian that they don't expect, when he builds a barn for the old goat that lives in the village. they don't even realise how big of a deal that is—they're just stunned by his skills. because building with more than just bland function in mind is not something they can fathom. they wouldn't know where to start!

so here is where kane has to confront that fighting skills aren't everything. that other things can matter and be wonderful, too. and, actually, he'd really like it if grian kept building more. (imagine scar beaming with pride over his mate in the background of this all, yes.)

sometimes when scar and kane spar, grian climbs up a nearby roof (helps him settle, to be high up). sometimes, nico follows, sitting next to him and keeping him company.

throughout this all, scar and grian keep some layers of distance around them still. they don't go to sleepovers. they don't talk about things that hurt deep behind their ribs. they don't talk about where they're from or what they've been through. they keep their heartache to themselves, all the little moments that make their souls splinter and fray; whenever things catch them off guard and things become Too Much Too Fast, they just leave instead of talking it out and explaining. drawing a thick line behind them and that trigger, retreating back to their own space to put themselves back together in privacy.

(and it's great because they do have their own space!)

kane has a lot of that, you know, brashness about him. lots of thoughtless words. he's not great at being subtle or having tact. but he never means things badly. he never wants to upset them. and that's something he now finds himself wrangling with. asking nico what he's doing wrong whenever scar and grian retreat. (because through that rough exterior, he's a big softie deep down when it's about people he cares about.) (oh yeah turns out he profoundly cares about grian and scar. huh. when did that happen.)

more often than not, it's not even his fault. it takes very little to touch scar and grian's haphazard piles of trauma.

and, they know! they know he doesn't mean to set things off. they know they're not giving him enough to understand what to steer clear of (they themselves don't know, half the time, to be fair).

just like how kane is learning about scar and grian, they're also learning about him. about how he hides his emotions behind words, how he gets easily embarrassed and resorts to pride and teasing, how he sometimes says things in a different way than he means them.

and step by step, they're inching closer to common grounds. they start to rely on each other's presence.

and then The Night For Living comes around.

of course they're gonna go spend the celebrations and games together! they're so much closer now than they were at the start, fond of each other in ways that'd make kane's face burn red and stutter if he was forced to admit it.

they're friends.

and maybe they could be more than that.

cue found family trope

a lot of things happen during the Big Special Vex Celebration Night. the night when it's safe to be, unabashedly and fully. it's wilder than normal celebrations, longer, an event everyone looks forward to. including special homebrew alcohol and a huge bonfire! vex howling and laughter and banter everywhere. roughhousing and sparring and competing.

grian and scar fall under it's rough charm, too. with kane and nico by their side, making their way through the event, drinking and talking and laughing. playing games with each other, and in general having a good time.

this was said before, but this is the night when grian gets mr beak, a silly chicken plushie. and it's kane who gives the toy over—kane, who before fought scar on insensitivity where birds were concerned. now, he is treading carefully, looking to scar for approval and guidance. not wanting to mess up.

equipped with mr beak, they move on, seeking out the next thrill. they decide to do the obstacle course, this time just kane and grian, 1v1! no flying allowed, but everything else (including gliding) is ok.

this is where something in grian sparks.

maybe it's the alcohol, the hints of safety and freedom, or them playing games, but— he gets really into it. he gets to utilise his wings as he navigates the obstacles, and he's laughing, running on a high, and... the finish line is a pile of blankets.

a nest-like thing.

i do have 6,7k words long self-indulgent RP tucked away of just this scene, if you'd like. but the gist of it is that kane is once again caught off guard, because— well, he's never seen grian like this. so bright and cheerful, wings in use.

and grian invites him into it. beckons him closer as him and scar giggle giddily about his victory in a pile of blankets.

the prize, this time, is a special cherry flavoured liquor bottle... that has a pink ribbon attached to it.

maybe grian isn't thinking things through. maybe he's tipsy and running on bird instincts. maybe this is impulsive.

but it feels right.

so he grabs kane's hand. and he ties that ribbon around kane's wrist.

and even if kane doesn't understand the severity of it, he knows it means something big. it's a gift. and it's not a bite, but in kane's heart, that suddenly doesn't seem to matter.

(and yet scar knows. he knows what grian is saying here.)

(he's saying: flock.)

there's more that happens on this night. scar and nico also end up getting ribbons, several mental spirals and breakdowns and games later (pff), and now they're a Ribbon Gang!! (family. flock.) ...but i'm going to leave this at that, as this was meant to be about grian and kane and... i just really wanted to tell you about the ribbon thing :3

as a bonus, have this discord screenshot that i find very funny in the most endearing way:

[everysongineverykey]

cishet people who are clueless but trying i love you. this morning i was talking to a straight guy in my class about it/its pronouns and how some it/its users like it because they see it as redefining their identities/senses of personhood, and he nodded sagely and started talking about the replicates in blade runner

[fragmentedblade]

The "Dan Heng is Dan Feng" dogmatics annoy me a lot. It entirely brushes off one of the most interesting and prevalent questions posed by the game, incarnated by several characters and stories that give the question different hues with different potential answers, and a constant also in HI3, like a thread waving the two games together

[definitelynotshouting]

Can I ask, since you mentioned agreeing 'even if under duress' - how did the Watchers convince Player Grian to join them in hunger au?

So take this with the specific grain of salt that ive never watched Evo directly (but have friends who have ((thank you wren)), so i know tidbits via osmosis from them), but my thought has always been that the riddles the Watchers gave the Evo Players were all tests used to measure cleverness and intelligence-- the whole point of them attempting to copy the mind of a Player into a Watcher larva in the first place was to try and avoid the insanely high infant mortality rate their typical juveniles go through, bc they dont understand their own limits enough to even know they have them yet. So they needed a Player they knew they could instruct and who would listen to them, and, well. Grian, for all he was rebellious and outright defiant of the Watchers, still solved their puzzles and only had to be punished once before he stopped trying to mess with them

What ive always pictured is after the dragon fight the two main elders of the Watcher colony finally revealed themselves to Grian properly-- i have this crystal clear image of the two of them hovering above and next to the central end island, looming over Grian, and like, these guys are big. HUGE. A good 5x bigger than the ender dragon itself, at LEAST. It would be hard not to feel insanely intimidated by that, honestly, especially when there are two of them side by side, blocking your entire view of the End from that direction.

Anyway picture that with the context of these two giant floating winged worms youve never seen before, who have demonstrated their powerful ability to manipulate code in a way you cant.... telling you that they have chosen you to become one of them. Thats an immense amount of pressure, both from flattery and fear, especially considering theyve punished you before for defying them. I like to think even then, Grian balked a bit, and while i dont have exact dialogue beats here, i know the Watchers continued putting that pressure on him (likely while leveraging his friendships too-- like ive always said, if Grian hadnt been chosen, BigB wouldve been, and i can absolutely see the Watchers offering to take him in Grian's stead) until he finally caved and accepted their "offer" of joining them.

Unfortunately, he didnt find out exactly what that entailed until it was far too late.

[bifairywife]

guess who dipped back real quick in lore olympus:

[mewkwota]

Out of Proportion

Ok fine here you go, a comic relating to the show which I do not acknowledge as being real in any way. I made this for other reasons too, the one of which is that I really wanted to draw that motion Richter did on the first page. The other, I think you can figure it out.

[kavennnn]

wtf my son is dead

[tragicotps]

Excerpt from The amber spyglass: chapter 16: The intention craft

[dashiellqvverty]

like yeah maybe tlj would have been subversive or whatever if finn and poe had been completely different characters. and also white men. but finn and poe already WERE subverting what was typical of star wars (and like pop culture in general) by being men of color in these hero roles. like okay a han solo type getting too confident and fucking up and learning he was wrong WOULD be flipping our expectations but poe never WAS a han solo type, at least not in the way tlj/rian johnson framed him to be.

it is just so clear that rian johnson had this idea in his head for a ~different/unexpected/whatever~ take on star wars but he had to force every single existing character into a new shape to fit what they needed to be for his story with NO regard for who they already were and absolutely no care for how he was stereotyping, demonizing, and humiliating men of color in order to fit his ~vision~

[roobylavender]

had talia not been character assassinated do you think she and bruce should have gotten back together?

no. i hate to use the word "phase" bc that would seem to diminish the importance of what's between them, which is something that will always persist esp as their continued dedication to the same causes and their respect for each other remains. but i do think realistically bruce should be a phase in talia's life. at least in terms of consummated romances specifically. i do love the idea of them remaining allies, close friends, and co-parents, but i think allowing talia to walk away from ra's and bruce in the first place has to stand for something in the long term. before talia went her own way i think it was easier to imagine a potential future where she ended up with bruce bc it felt like the desirable option. she was in this very debilitating position where she had little to no freedom to act on her own desires and goals, the embodiment of which was none other than bruce. so when you frame her situation pre-tower of babel, obv wanting to be with bruce was appealing. he was as much the love of her life as he was a means of escape and freedom and talia having the scope to then act on her own desires. i think that's what subsequently makes dc #750 (or is it #570. i never get the numbers straight and i'm too lazy to check) a really clever issue, actually, bc it acknowledges that and the fact that bruce once again setting her free bc of his love for her actually gives her the courage to step out on her own where she never has before. the fact that she has the option to go back to gotham with bruce and presumably have everything she's ever wanted with him, but she leaves it anyway, is a really huge deal. it's a statement. she loves him, but not more than she loves herself. and sure, what talia puts herself through during lex corp era certainly begs the question of whether her version of loving herself is really viable or in any way healthy, and i would love to see bruce help her recognize that she's not alone and that she doesn't have to do it alone to prove that she's capable. all of this i agree with. but i don't think that really means she and bruce have to fall back on their once-imagined dream of playing house. even if talia did find methods of going about her work that were mentally healthier i don't really know what'd be in it for her to play house with bruce in gotham. bc that is what it would have to be, for their relationship to work in any way. bruce will never leave gotham and son of the demon didn't need to explore that issue bc it was never going to get there but trust that corny as the line about naming the baby thomas or martha was it was reflective of a reality: gotham is bruce's entire life. no matter where he goes, no matter what he does, no matter who he works with, in the end he will always belong to gotham. and i simply do not think that would ever work for talia bc there is so much more she is capable of. while her vision is aligned with bruce's her scope of access and ability is entirely distinct of his own and there is so much more that she can do aside from relegate herself to gotham (hence why lex corp as an arc makes so much sense, bc it capitalizes on that scope). and yeah every superhero couple is kinda crazy and they have teleportation and shit but idk i don't think it's really a relationship for each party to go on long missions with ill-defined parameters that give them the worst sleep schedules known to man and occasionally they share a bed. it really isn't. and that's something that bruce and talia have to live with. their duty is always going to come first even though they both have a passion for civilian life. for talia to be in a relationship again she would have to stop having the liberty of being able to go wherever the work carries her and for bruce to be in a relationship again he would have to have the equivalent of a robin-wife. neither of these things is ever going to happen. so