#but also he thinks beating ur kids is ok so maybe we should just send her to live with her mom

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

I think it would be funny if Alastor met Octavia at some point

Al can't beat Lucifer or Stolas in a fight but goddamn it he can steal their daughters

[guqin-and-flute]

The Soup Incident [Episode 22]

Random Jin Guy: hey u know ur sister

WWX: everyone's mom? best person in the world? beset by terminal heterosexuality? rings a bell

LWJ: i'm sure this is more important than a war

Random Jin Guy: something happened with j

WWX: [overrunning other line] I MUST GO MY MEDDLING IS REQUIRED

Random Nie Guy: oop there he go

LWJ: wow this sounds serious

WWX: what horrors will i find what trauma will this compound what cruelty will i be met with also how did i know exactly where to go

WWX: OH. YOU.

JZX: gross

JYL: oh an audience perfect i'm sure this will de-escalate things

WWX: can we solve this with castration? tell me we can

JYL: no thanks i'd still like the option if it's all the same to u

WWX: it's not let me remove his body parts

JZX: like i'd let u near me u classless hellion

JYL: listen life hasn't been like the greatest lately had a lot of shitty carriage rides i'd like things to chill out and by things i mean namely u in this moment can we go now pls i have an appointment to cry into my pillow that i'm missing

WWX: omg noooo i'll behave i'm here to support u i'll be impartial

JYL: i don't believe that for a single second tho hun

WWX: impartial to how mUCH BLOOD I'M GONNA GET EVERYWHERE HOW IS IT  EVERY TIME I SEE UR STUPID FACE I HATE U MORE fuck u u piece o shit

JYL: and there it is

JZX: [angry sleeve flap of disdainful eloquence]

WWX: wtf

JYL: yeah he's good at those

JYL: honey ur not helping urself here he beat the shit out of u BEFORE he marinated in dark energy for 3 months pls use ur words and ur brain

WWX: WAT DID UR SLEEVE SAY TO ME BITCH

JYL: can we just go pls i like to not be reminded of exactly how much stupid i willingly allow into my life

WWX: but shijie M U R D E R

JYL: inexplicably i still want to marry him so no thank u

JZX: oh look mianmian's here

MM: u fuckin bet i am u dipshit

WWX: wtaf is wrong with him

MM: ok listen LISTEN i know i feel u trust me

JZX: time to return to the arrogance corner

WWX: UR YOUNG MASTER'S A BITCH

JYL: a-xian  n o

MM: no he totally is u right

JYL: well then he's MY bitch :(

MM: why do i bother to stay up late to practice conversations with u if u don't bother to try all that time wasted am i supposed to cover for u now?

JZX: bold of u to assume u can but go for it still don't know why tf ur all here just wanna eat my soup

WWX: HEY I HAVE A FUN GAME IT'S CALLED HOW MUCH OF CHENQING CAN WE FIT INTO JIN ZIXUAN quick someone pick an orifice

JYL: gross

MM: tempting

LWJ: oh hey i'm here now i walk slow oh shit the nice jiang is crying who would hurt the nice jiang?

MM: ok so u know how ur sister makes soup?

JYL: i never really stop it's a little pathological at this point maybe i should talk to someone...

LWJ: oh more heterosexual antics wei ying's achilles heel best wait outside thank god Xichen is mostly functional and gay as the day is long

MM: so she makes soup right? 2 goes to you chuckleheads and the third goes to emporer perpetual foot-in-mouth over here

JZX: [buffering]

MM: jfc why do i even try

WWX: DID HE INSULT UR  S O U P ?!

JYL: sorta i am soup and soup is me

MM: so anyway

JZX: [overrunning previous line] HOLD UP I THOUGHT RANDOM SERVANT NUMBER 62 BROUGHT ME THE SOUP THAT'S NATIVE TO YUNGMENG WHERE MY EX-FIANCE GREW UP

WWX: ur in love with an idiot

JYL: i'm in love with an idiot

MM: I STG UR HEAD IS FILLED WITH JUST HAIRBALLS AND LINT HOW ARE U STILL BREATHING

MM: SHE MAKES SOUP. SHE'S THE SOUP LADY. ASK PEOPLE WHAT THEY THINK OF  WHEN U SAY YANLI AND THEY'LL SAY KINDNESS. A N D  S O U P . and her murder-brothers but that's not the point rn

JZX: ...u made me soup

MM: i'm so fucking sorry pls marry him i need a competent woman to hang around with i'm getting dumber by the day

WWX: seriously this guy u love this guy?

JYL: xianxian pls romantic idiocy runs in our family it's practically traditional

JYL: i mean...yes i have 2 coping mechanisms; soup and crying neither of them are working rn tho help i don't unlock righteous fury until level 25

JZX: wow she made me soup

WWX: of course she made u soup  u human inner-thigh chafe show us the flashback mianmian

MM: [off screen] oh yeah that roll the tape jeeves

[ENTER FLASHBACK]

JYL: i made u soup bb

JZX: ur not servant number 62 go fuck urself

JYL: wut

[END FLASHBACK]

WWX: NO FURTHER QUESTIONS UR HONOR

Random Jin Guy Who Brought Wuxian: perhaps this was a [cursive writing] Mistake™

JZX: ouchie i can twirly fight countless puppets can't dodge a punch of the life of me cultivation jesus that's gonna leave a mark

JYL: GOD I WISH THIS WAS MORE CATHARTIC how does this always happen? who raised this kid? oh right me

Group of Random Jin Guards: we are all well intentioned but ultimately expendable extras fear us

Random Jin Guard: UNHAND HIM FIEND

WWX: cool imma write u a song it's called Don't Care Didn't Ask Gonna Kill Everyone In This Tent Over Soup in b flat tootly toot here comes the murder flute

Random Jin Guards attacked by resentful energy: [keyboard smash]

LWJ: wait hold on that's his shit starting music has shit been started?? wEi YiNg

WWX: are u prepared for the journey i'm about to send u on little man

JZX: i'm actually good here thanks

[unintelligible teenage screaming]

MM: HEY LISTEN U CAN'T DO THAT MURDER IS BAD and i still like him i sympathize but like...u can't

WWX: the semi corporeal black smoke demons that sublet my soul tell me that it's fine sooo

JYL: a-xian if u kill him now i will have put up with so much bs for n o t h i n g

LWJ: take a deep breath us ur words what in the actual hell is going on

WWX: fuck u ur not my therapist

LWJ: u do not have a therapist never has someone so clearly NOT had a therapist except maybe jiang cheng

WWX: SOUP MURDER IS GOING ON

LWJ: wut

JYL: pls understand it's just as dumb as you think

LWJ: ... i refuse to let soup related crimes of passion be something my future husband is known for u stop that

WWX: THEN I'M LEAVING

LWJ: wow

JYL: we're both in love with idiots

JZX: am i still gonna keep getting soup?

[this is a thing i do sometimes so if you would like to see more...]

Scene suggested by @nagisachan1​!! (I’m so sorry I forgot to tag/credit you when I posted this!)

[hobidreams]

ok this is ab to be a very unpopular opinion 👀 but oc deserves SO MUCH better than yoongi !!! like yea he’s sweet and loving and gentle now but the way he treated her in the beginning was atrocious. he was so rough, so uncaring, he made her cry, and he literally used her while KNOWING her feelings for him. he even admitted that he straight up thought of her as a whore? the one thing she’s been sensitive about her WHOLE life due to her social status, which he prolly knew about bc they were friends for so long. like all of their history washed away as soon he got caught up in his angst and started to see her as someone to have sex with. like her mom died too lmfao ur not special 😭😭

i see where ur coming from for sure! if this story was happening irl in our time period, i would tell oc to leave him too lol. but i also believe that good people make shit decisions. and that people do physically and mentally change due to trauma.

please remember that the beginning of the series is NOT the beginning of their relationship!! he has always tried to treat her with kindness, esp when he was a teen. what i tried to show throughout the series was that he has always been that loving and gentle boy. but he was so confused and unable to allow himself to have those feelings after being thrust into kingship!

and yes, she lost her mom too, but he also lost the person directing him as king of the entire damn country. hes terrified. every wrong move he makes could send thousands of ppl to their deaths. even his executions were trying to save the rest of his people. worst of all hes not even allowed to be sad bc he has to perform strength for the court.

he never ACTUALLY saw her as someone to have sex with. he TRIED to do that, bc that's what he thought a king should do (get rid of all his weaknesses). as he says, "Even though at one point, at my worst, I thought that was the only way I could have you. If I told myself to think of you as…" he repeatedly tells himself to imagine her that way but it never works (how many times have we told ourselves to stop crushing on someone and its absolutely futile? i did it so much 😭) he renovates the whole pavilion for her. he gives her an ENTIRE HALL to practice her medicine (a hall is fucking enormous lol. like giving someone an entire house instead of a room). he never uses her as just a body bc he cant hide his feelings. if i wrote nov 1868 from his pov, itd be more evident how he breaks down, needing her touch, needing her compassion as he rmbs all those happy times they had together as kids. there are hints of it there, like when she notes that he seems to be lingering w his touches. every time he had sex with her, he was just as in love with her as she him. hes physically unable to see her as "just a body to use."

also,,, he actually only calls her "whore" ONCE, in april 1869. i didnt explicitly mention it in the story bc there was never a place for it but i imagine he saw her puffy eyes that night and saw how the word seemed to bother her and so he never says it again. every other iteration of it comes from oc degrading herself. i also imagine he went back to his chambers that night feeling so shitty and sad, beating himself up for wanting her and hurting her by doing so but also being unable to truly leave her behind.

unfortunately mlt is mostly from oc's pov so its hard to show his side :( but i tried to show disonnance between his words and his actions. he doesnt treat her like any mere woman. he never has 😭

also maybe i didnt explain this enough but his trauma with the assasination attempt is his reasoning for why he tried to keep oc out of it/as only a body to use. he didnt want her to end up like his mom or that other concubine if feelings got involved. he didnt want her to love him. but thats where he was wrong--feelings were always involved between these two.

[lunatens]

scaredy cats

-

requested by bea (🌱✨anon) tysm bby!! i’m sorry this took so long, i made it a lil longer to make up for it :> 

prompt: “uh...did the power just go out?”

*part of my 2 years with luna event!

word count: 2.2k

genre: fluff, high school au, childhood friends to lovers 

pairing: lee chan x gn reader

warnings: there’s a thunderstorm and the power goes out!

[you: channieeeee pls come over~]

[chan: y??]

[you: do u rlly need a reason lmao i just wanna see my bestie]

[chan: it’s raining thoooooo]

[you: so? use an umbrella it ain’t a far walk]

[chan: okok i’ll come hang out]

[chan: i’m gonna kick ur ass at super mario party tho]

[you: in your dreams ;) see u soon bby!!]

slipping your phone into your pocket, you roll off your bed and excitedly rush to your front window, pulling the blinds aside so you can have a better view of the street outside. chan wasn’t kidding, it’s raining alright—heavy torrents of rain pour from the sky, and the clouds look a bit too dark for your liking. you bite your lip guiltily, feeling a little bad that chan’s walking here in this weather. at least he only lives a block over, you think to make yourself feel better. 

chan’s been your best friend ever since he accidentally hit you in the face with a frisbee way back when you were just ten years old. your nose started bleeding, and chan panicked and tried to comfort you as he went with you to get cleaned up. even when the school nurse tried to send him back outside, he refused to leave until he knew you were okay. you tease him about this all the time, laughing at how overdramatic he was (”it was just a little nose bleed, chan” “okay but you were crying!!”) but you’re grateful for it, as you probably wouldn’t have become friends otherwise. 

you smile to yourself as you think back fondly on the memories of your childhood with chan; it won’t be long till you’re both graduating high school, and it’s hard to believe it’s been so many years since that fateful frisbee incident. you can’t help but nervously wonder what the future will bring for you and chan, but you push those thoughts aside when you see a figure running down the street trying to cover his head as he sprints through the puddles. he slows down as he reaches your house, jogging up to your front door. not even giving him the chance to knock, you open the door for chan and usher him inside quickly. 

“it’s a little wet out there,” he comments sarcastically, and a distant clap of thunder echoes through the sky as if to emphasize his point. you quickly shut the door and lock it, as if that’ll do something to keep the storm at bay. 

“yeah, no kidding, you’re dripping all over the floor,” you comment. chan pulls of his drenched shoes and opens his mouth to say something but you cut him off before he can start.

“i’ll go get you some dry clothes, stay here so you don’t get the entire house wet,” you tell him as you rush to your room to search for something chan can wear. you find a couple of his sweaters lying around, one he forgot here just last week and the other one from god knows when. you decide to keep the more recent one and give chan the older one along with a pair of your sweatpants and some warm socks.

“here, catch,” you say as you throw the clothes towards chan, who’s now standing in a large puddle in your doorway. he’s caught off guard, and the clothes hit him square in the face. 

“hey!!! i come all the way over here through a thunderstorm to see you just because you’re bored, and this is the thanks i get?” chan complains as he makes his way to your room to get changed.

“oh come on, i know you were just as bored as i was,” you tease, and chan can’t help but smile when you call him out. 

“you got me,” he responds before slipping into your room and closing the door behind him. you proceed to hook up your nintendo switch to the tv, preparing for a night of video games and maybe a movie or two. as you connect the cables, you hear your bedroom door open and chan’s soft footsteps as he goes to throw his clothes in the dryer. he returns to the living room, flopping onto the couch and grabbing a controller.

“what do you want for dinner? my parents are away for the weekend so there’s frozen pizza or….some sort of leftovers i think?” you ask chan, making your way to the kitchen.

“you’re not gonna cook for me?” chan teases, knowing you sometimes struggle to make toast. you give him a look before digging the pizza out of the freezer. you preheat the oven and place the pizza on a tray. 

“don’t forget to take the plastic off!” chan calls from the couch.

“i know, chan,” you say, but you’re glad he reminded you; that was a close one. 

-

two hours and a slightly overcooked frozen pizza later, you and chan are yelling at the screen as your characters pummel each other in a heated round of super smash bros. it’s still heavily raining, but the sounds of the tv drown out the steady drumming on the roof and the increasingly loud and frequent thunder. the two of you hardly notice the flashes of lightning in the now-dark sky as you focus on the tv. you’re just about to smash chan’s character to oblivion when all of a sudden everything is pitch black and a blanket of dead silence washes over the house, save for the rain on the roof.

“uh...did the power just go out?” chan asks, the two of you sitting frozen on the couch. you turn your head to look at him, although there’s really no point--you can’t see anything.

“hm, yeah i think it did,” you say. you’re trying to tease him, but you can’t hide the fear wavering in your voice. 

“where are you?” chan asks, voice equally fearful, and you reach out to feel for his outstretched hands in the dark. you find them, and the two of you grab onto each other and pull each other close. the room feels so empty without the bright lights from the tv and the chaotic yelling over the sounds of the game onscreen. now, there’s only the rain, louder than ever, although you swear you can hear your heartbeat out loud. 

“i think we have some candles in the basement,” you whisper.

“noooooope, you’re crazy if you think i’m going down there; it’s scary even when the lights are on,” chan replies and you feel him shake his head. “what about that scented candle i gave you for your birthday?”

“ooh, good call! it’s in my room,” you remember. “let’s go,” you say, pulling out your phone to use as a flashlight. lightning outside lights up the room for a moment, and not too long after there’s a loud clap of thunder. both you and chan let out a small shriek, feeling your grips on each other tighten. now, is your heart beating from fear of the dark and stormy night? or from the way chan holds onto you for dear life? probably a mix of both, but you choose not to think about that right now. 

“ok we’ll go on three, ready?” you say, waiting for chan’s response. you’re met with silence. “chan?”

“oh sorry, i forgot you can’t see me nodding. on three,” he confirms

“okay, one, two...three!” you count. on three, you pull chan off the couch and the two of you race hand in hand to your bedroom, guided by the bright light of your phone flashlight. you hesitantly let go of chan’s hand as you search for your candle and some matches. it doesn’t take too long to find them, and soon enough a flickering orange flame casts a faint flow around your room. you and chan climb onto your bed, you sitting up against the headboard and chan lying with his head in your lap. there’s enough light that you can now see each other’s silhouettes at least, and you look down to watch as the flame casts shadows that seem to dance across chan’s face. when did he grow up so much? you find yourself thinking, feeling like it was just yesterday the two of you were a couple of snot-nosed kids running around at recess. your fingers absentmindedly play with his hair as you’re lost in thought.

“this is kind of spooky, we should tell ghost stories!” chan suggests.

“or we could just talk and not scare ourselves into staying awake all night,” you reply.

“good idea,” he agrees, but neither of you say anything. you lie there in silence for a moment; the rain sounds a bit less violent from inside your room, and now that you can see a bit you find it’s quite a peaceful sound.

“mingyu asked me out today,” you tell chan. you’re not quite sure what possessed you to just tell him that out of the blue; you weren’t even planning on telling chan at all, but now you’ve gone and said it and you can’t take it back.

“really?? that’s great, y/n! when’s the date?”

you’re a bit disheartened at chan’s reaction; he seems genuinely excited for you, unless the shock is just masking his true feelings for now, 

“i said no.”

“what?? why??? i thought you liked him?” chan sits up at this, his head now even with yours as he looks at you in shock.

“not anymore,” you say with a shrug. your voice is quiet, unsure of where this conversation will head. 

“oh,” is all chan says. “is there...any particular reason?” he asks after a beat of silence. there’s something more in his voice now that wasn’t there before.

“i just don’t think he’s really my type,” you explain without elaborating. 

“well, what is your type if not mingyu? he’s kind, smart, beautiful, tall...he’s got it all! i mean, you’ve had a crush on him for like, a year, and he finally asked you out and you said no?” chan says in mild disbelief. 

“don’t get me wrong, mingyu’s a great guy and all, but i just-i think i realized i have feelings for someone else,” you say, voice trailing off to barely a whisper. 

“really?? who is it?” chan asks all-too-eagerly, and you start to feel doubtful he likes you back.

“it’s no one.”

“awe y/n, don’t be like that! at least give me hints?” chan asks. 

“fine,” you sigh, knowing he won’t leave it alone. “first of all, he’s annoying and loud,”

“that doesn’t sound like a crus-”

“do you want me to give you hints or not?”

“...yes please,”

“ok then shh. he’s annoying and loud, but it’s perfect because i am too so we get along really well. he’s also the most caring person i’ve ever met; i know he’d do anything for me if i asked him,” you continue, not sure how much you want to give away.

“wow, he sounds really great!” chan comments. to any other person, he’d sound excited for you, but you know him well enough to pick up on the slight disappointment in his voice, and it’s just the boost you need to keep going.

“he is; he’d even go out in a thunderstorm for me just because i said i’m bored,” you say and you turn to look at chan now. it’s too dark to read his expression, but you can see how he leans ever so closer to you. 

“now that’s some dedication, i mean he sounds flawless,” chan teases. you can hear the smile in his voice, which makes the butterflies in your stomach go wild.

“the only problem is i’m not sure if he likes me back,” you whisper, your nose brushing the tip of chan’s, and before you know it his lips are on yours in a passionate yet gentle kiss. how you’ve gone so long without kissing chan you don’t know; the years of secret feelings all finally set free in this one kiss. 

you didn’t lie about liking mingyu--you had actually thought you might’ve finally gotten over your feelings for chan and found someone else. for a couple of months it worked, and you found yourself distracted with thoughts of the tall boy instead of your best friend. but it all came crashing down when you caught the common cold the other week, and chan looked after you while you were sick--he even skipped class one day to make sure you weren’t lonely. all of your true feelings came rushing back to you, and you knew there were no hopes of losing them.

“what about now?” chan asks as he pulls away just enough to talk.

“i’m still not sure, he might have to kiss me again to convince me,” you say, unable to contain your smile. chan kisses you again, and it’s just as magical as the first time. a loud crack of thunder startles you, and you gasp as you latch onto chan, burying your face in his shoulder.

“you’re such a scaredy-cat,” he says, bringing his arms up to pull you closer.

“shut up so are you, i can hear your heart racing,” your voice is muffled by his sweater.

“maybe that’s just because of you,” he comments, stroking your hair. 

“ew,” you reply, but your heart’s not in it; you can pretend to hate how cheesy chan is all you want, but internally you love it just as much as you love every other aspect of him.

[currentfandomkick]

Bio! Dad Strange Part 9

Jason returns, may be a 2 parter to cover tim getting kidnapped and the aftermath. Will let you know at the end. We are getting to Marinette dealing with Ladybugging soon.

Marinette wasnt sure what to think this year. She met The Barry Allen last year. She also figured out 2 heroes pre-flash revelation and two more after—in her defense Hero Stalker’s old theory on The first Robin did Batman in. it is not her fault 5 founding members have the multiple-persona game of a booger.

She was also Tetch (Mad Hatter. Doesnt deserve the name) and Mr. J’s, Jerimah’s, last victim before they died. Then some idiots revived Jerimah. She hates his cult a lot, okay.

Everyone was on high alert and trying to keep her inside. The thing is, she hates being inside. She’s inside for designing, sure. Research? She’ll live.

But 24/7 inside time?

Never a good combo with her.

Rose’s plants may be snitches, but they seemed to agree on the over coddling. She’s ten, can break phones by tapping them, and is defiantely more off her stickers than on at the moment.

The one on her was uring her into some alleyway. If she was reading the movement pattern right, a gang fight.

Lovely, she usually did these with some sort of supervision but they were all being rude and she needed time outside.

She checked her belt, a few pairs of ball weights tied together with one chain each to make bolas clipped to back. She has a taser in hand, and a few rubber bullet loaded gun on one hip and a stun gun her size in the other. She had a packet of zipties and rope up each sleeve. Easy to giftwrap and humiliate bad people, like Batman does.

She blinked once when she saw—new player? In a bright red full face helmet that looks horrible. And he’s holding that gun make all wrong to max out usage. Ugh, amatuers.

Some part of her groaned about a potential run-in with Batman and his new Robin—she was pissed about Tim not telling her still—and decided this was as good an anger management as any. New vigilante, maybe the sirens would help him find a team.

She snuck up behind a few members, quick to grab the guns and move them out of reach. No need to give anyone playing possum an easy out, right—she saw a mix of her people in with the gang. She needed to teip this guy up before he hurt the RKC street kids and honoraries tangled up in this.

“Hey helmet, if you’re gonna shoot them you’re holding the gun wrong.”

Helmet turned to see her. She didnt grab her usual harley-knock off outfit for helping today. She wanted to be Pixie Pop for a bit. And if the Rogues forgot that she’s Pixie well, better for her, right? Pixie just wore her hair like Tinkerbell and wore a bit of green.

The guy he was aiming at made to run.

Marinette grabbed a makeshift bolas and threw it at his knees. She recognized him from one of the RKC hit lists—human trafficker. He fell with them wrapped around tight and defiantely injured bith his knees with how the weights hit him.

“I, Pixie Pop?” Weird, no one had seen her as Pixie in two years. How’d he know it was her?

“Yeah. Havent been around much lately.” She threw another bola at another guy. “You new?”

“Talk after i kill these guys.”

Marinette rolled her eyes, because really?

She threw a knife to screw his aim into non-lethal on one guy. “Kick their ass first, some RKC are in here.”

Helmet oddly did as she said, switching from guns to—is that. A. Sword?

She twisted to punch the guy sneaking up on her. Helmet threw a sword and landed it in his shoulder.

“Thanks!”

“Holy shot you’re really here this time.”

“Did you get hit with feargas as a baby or something?” Her partner being prone to dellusions and good with weapons was a bad thing.

“Just came back from the dead is all.”

marinette hit the guy going for helmet with her stun gun.

“That’ll do it!”

Helmet turned to one of the guys, gun at the ready. She had a feeling Helmet needed a lot of help, or else one of Rose’s agents would be down.

“If you know about pixies, you should know she got an upgrade to having some trust dust.”

Marinette walked over to the guy, letting her tracker plant take a look. The flower bloomed and he got a face full of ‘filter-less pollen’ that’s as close to a truth serum as Rose could make. After all, people can turn sides.

“Truth pollen?” Helmet was staring at her closely.

“Yep.” Marinette turned to her victim. “Are you helping the traffickers?”

“Does infiltration and killing them count as helping?”

Helmet stared at them then.

“Which team?”

“HKT ma’am. How did you get rose to give you one of those?”

“Think for a minute who she gives these to.”

“Comanding officers of the the RKC reconn and interigation but there’s only 15 and i met them all when i joined in the fall.”

“Im the summer help when theyre not puppy gaurding. Now, i have to do zipties on the traffickers, think you can help?”

“I lost coordination from the pollen.”

“Of course you did.”

Marinette turned to see Helmet staring at her. Like she should be dead, not the new revival guy.

“Good enough.”

“I thought only Poison Ivy could do things like that.”

“I have a badass team, well, when they aren’t going overboard. One week kidnapped and suddenly im made of glass.”

“Pixie you are what, ten?”

“So? Two of my best friends went missing becuase no one stepped up, one of them resurfaced as an idiot a year later but still.”

Helmet stopped then. “Two?”

“Hero stalker went after our big brother vanished.. he came back as an idiot.”

Helmet paused. “Hey, you check the others and i’ll help you drop off the good ones at a doctor or something.”

“Zipties are at the ready. Mind doing your share?”

Helmet did as she asked, working with her until all was squared away.

“Okay, my tracker gave off a signal to the RKC to gather our guys here, and—why are bleeding?”

Helmet looked up at her then. “I am?”

“... you’re coming with me since i dont know if you need a transfusion, but i know a guy who can help.”

“I’m driving.”

“On what?”

“Motorcycle.”

Marinette let him walk her to it, and she got on first. He ‘drove’ them while the plant told her when to turn. They ended up at her dad’s clinic as ‘Mr. Smith’. He was so grounding her.

“Smith, i need help,” she tried.

Her dad came out and paled when he saw her carrying Helmet. Before he passed out he let her take it off. “Red hoodie... oh god he said he was revived.”

Her father worked out the blood bags while she checked the wound, bullet still in there. She got it out with tweezers. No major damage to the muscles and shit. How many scars did he have? Pre or post revival?

When he came to she turned to her father and said one thing.

“So this is my new brother. Dont try to get out of it, he kept me alive when i was comstantly pixie, and you said if he was in a bad place then you’d take him in, no questions asked.”

Strange sighed, nodded, and went back to fixing Helmet up.

The next day he was forced moved into an extra room by hers. Somehow there was already clothes his size and style in it.

“Pixie...”

“Im determined and my honorary aunt is a cat burglar.”

Helmet hugged her.

“So for the documents, what do you want to go by?”

Helmet said he didnt want it to be obvious, given who he was before.

“Its not like you were robin.”

“I was.”

“.... i know two robins now, pre-robining. What is my life?”

“ you are ten, calm down. And you knew dick?”

“Met him as Nightwing, not very friendly. But uh, remember hero stalker?”

“The idiot who followed me and B?”

“Yeah, so funny thing, it was a thing that he wanted to be Robin when you went off from Gotham, and then he somehow managed to convince bats to take him on.”

“That Child is Robin.”

“Will be another hero soon if he knows what’s good for him—he’s too easy to make.”

“Wait, you know who he is-is or—”

“I know 5 secret identities and want to lodge a formal complaint about heroes having no secret identity game.”

“Youre ten. I refuse to let you deal with legal things.”

“But illegal is still on the table?”

“I am a vigilante, of course it is.”

“Good, so can we tlak about how dumb Supes secret id is? I photoshoped glasses on as a joke and looked at my file and knew.”

“Wait have they found you yet?”

“No? I dont think so. Not the mom and step dad or father one yet.”

“But its.”

“I know, but i can keep multiple secret identities. They cant handle one. What is this bull they drop in my lap? No masks for two of them, and the three with cant even manage a basic gait switch?”

“I am so glad you noticed too.”

“Also we need to intervene with Hero Stalker.”

“Does your father know-know or...”

“Knows i know, but knows im not telling even in death.”

“Fair. So, heads up i am going to yell at the JL after killing B for impact.”

“How about beating him up instead and kidnapping Hero Stalker? Bats is fine just needs an adult working with him.”

“Maybe. If my mind wasnt so fucked i’d send the Dick a text or something about this, but i think he hates me so that probably wouldnt work.”

“We have planning time, that’s what my house arrest is good for. Now name.”

“... i want to go by Jay.”

“James work?”

“Sure.”

“James “Jay” Smith then. And we are fixing your vilagante outfit.”

“What’s wrong with it.”

“Your helmet has a nose. And the who this is shit for discreet armour. I’ll get a rant in fifteen on armor history from a fashion obsessed friend and make something for you using that, ok?”

“Do i have a choice?”

“I am your little sister offically. resistance is futile.”

—

So the long awaited return of Red Hoodie/Red Hood/Jason Todd.

For refrence (as age is weird here) Jason looks 14/15 here, but due to dead years is technically 18

Tim is 12

Marinette is 10

Dick is 20something.

Bruce is 30something

Heads up, this will be a two parter for this summer. As i love the next part but need sleep.

@ilovefluffbutsmutisalsogreat @emeraldpuffguide @dast218 @weird-pale-blonde-person @mystery-5-5

[the-coolest-mallard]

Like a Kickass Guy | ASC

Louie gets high at Mei’s party and texts Nemo and Tae.

@justkeepdancing-nemo​ @moon-yeongtae​

Louie: holy shit u guyyyyyy Louie: shit has been going dowwwwwwwwn. Or upside down? down and up really lol Louie: i may not have muscles n shit but guess WHAT I DID Tae: hulked out and killed someone? Louie: woah man no! Duuuuuude have u seen me? impossible Louie: i'm too cute to go to jail yet Louie: i mean EVER Louie: im too cute to go to jail EVER Louie: did a keg stand lol. sorta Tae: whoa nice Tae: how you feelin? Louie: a m a z i n g Louie: you won't BELIEVE how good i am Louie: i felt like IRON - no. i felt like CAPTAIN AMERICA. LIKE A KICK ASS Louie: GUY Tae: nice dude i'm glad ur having fun Tae: is mark there Louie: he was here somewhere. he asked me to come Louie: dunno where he went. maybe he's with johnny idk Louie: but who cares lol Louie: i'm great Louie: no more sads Tae: wow you're really drunk huh? Louie: nooooooooooooo Louie: haha I was gonna drink Louie: but then this weird girl showed up Louie: and now i'm super

Tae: but you said you did a keg stand Tae: that's like drinking isnt it? Louie: is it? i thought it was just a hand stand on a keg lol Louie: who knows? not me Tae: i mean i guess Tae: what weird girl Louie: idk blond. weird. she wanted me to CHEAT ON MARK WTF Louie: i mean she seriously helped me out but also Louie: wtf Louie: weird. so weird. but we went to the bathroom and she Louie: gave me t his stuff n i'm like Louie: wow i mean i can't stop talking Louie: i think I've said some seriously stupid shit Tae: wait Tae: what? Louie: what? i didn't tell you anything stupid did I? Louie: i don't think i did. thank god. imaigngi f i told u that Louie: lololol i'd die forever Tae: louie what are you taking about what stuff Louie: stuff? which stuff Louie: im not tellig Tae: what did she give you Louie: ohhhhhhhhhhh Louie: oh i can tell u that haha Louie: she called it all kinds of weird stuff like snow white or whatever which is bizarre af but whatever Louie: i like sniffed it and it felt super whack Tae: LOUIE WHAT THE FUCK Louie: and then it was like Louie: wow Louie: idk man i wanted to not feel sad and i feel good now Tae: holy shit what the fuck i cannot believe Tae: louie that was so dumb Louie: you're so dumb! Louie: no that's not true Louie: you're my faovriedgof person ever Tae: where the fuck is nemo why isn't he here to tell you how stupid that was where are you Tae: you're at mei's right Louie: yeh i crashed lol Louie: well no mark and johnny wanted to crash Louie: and since mark's been cool and let me stay at his place i was like Louie: well i should probs go Tae: yeah well THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD'VE FUCKING DONE COKE OR WHATEVER YOU DID jesus fuck Nemo: wait wtf did i just read Tae: yeah Tae: i have to go fucking get him Louie: why are you maddddd? im not bugging anyone! i'm having fun! Nemo: wait whats going on! Nemo: louie are you okay? Louie: i'm FINE Louie: i'm super Nemo: he did cocaine? Louie: super human Tae: he's at mei's party and he fucking YES Louie: you could say Louie: ughhh stop making this so big Tae: do you know how many kids my brother had to see in the hospital bc of drugs louie? Nemo: yeah that stuffs really bad Nemo: its human chemicals Nemo: do you feel okay? are you dizzy? Louie: do you know what else is bad? life. being sad. freddie mercury leaving too soon. presidents. earthquakes Nemo: louie D: Louie: tthe hunger games Tae: hey louie seriously how are you feeling like Tae: in your body Louie: that's a weird thing 2 akks dud Louie: im fine! Tae: okay but like Tae: if u close ur eyes and like idk try to feel what's happening like is your heart beating really fast? do you feel like puking? do you feel like you're moving? Louie: oh i mean yeah lol Louie: my heart is skipping faster n when i Louie: wait i gotta shut up shut up Nemo: tae yah is that bad? Nemo: would jun hyung know? Tae: i'm asking him right nwo Louie: so fussy you guys are fussy im gooood Nemo: louie just keep texting u ok Louie: look how good i am Louie: 

Nemo: very pretty Tae: yeah gorgeous how's your breathing Louie: wouldnt u like 2 kno Louie: how's your butt Louie: bet its still kicckable Tae: you have literally never kicked my ass at anything Tae: nemo does your appa know about this stuff? you probably shouldn't ask him huh? Louie: DON'T AOISFJPDOGN Nemo: its human drugs Nemo: so not really Louie: 4 THE LOV OF GOD Louie: that guy lredy probs haaaaaates me Nemo: his magic wouldnt work either i dont think Louie: im a toxin to freidn parnets Nemo: yeah if he ever finds out we woudl be banned from being in the same school i think he'd transfer me to that catholic place and appa hates catholicism Nemo: this is why you shouldnt do drugs louie :heart: dont yu wanna keep being my friend Louie: :cry: :cry: :cry: Louie: you're my best mate wgodidpsdggdfh Louie: you too tae Tae: wow rude Tae: oh okay Louie: wow Louie: dont be such a bitch tae Tae: well you started it when you did cocaine Louie: i used to think u were the coolest but maybe  im demoting u n promoing Louie: nemo Louie: nemo ur the new hottie Tae: the what Louie: what? Tae: louie i'm coming to get you Louie: whyyyyy the partys still partying Louie: ppl be FITIN Louie: man ud fit right in with your muscle bod Louie: well cept one fitghts girls Tae: where are you in the house Louie: idk the dance place. the life space Louie: where everyone is? Nemo: is jun going too? Nemo: aghaldkfjaskldfj Tae: yeah Louie: wait wait wait wait wait Nemo: ugh im sorry i cant be there Louie: where u going Nemo: louie im so sorry just keep texting us Louie: no Louie: i should dkslefadkad Tae: hey louie what's your favorite queen song Louie: skedlolde Louie: what? ohhhhh wow tough choice man i mean Louie: there are soooo many good SONGS Louie: lately i've been listening 2 somebody to love a lot cause i been dfpsogdpsjsd Louie: buuuuuut Tae: i like don't stop me now Louie: that's my OTHER FAVORITE Louie: man u vibe so well with me i hate it Louie: ha ha ha Louie: j k this is why we're bffs Nemo: hey queen was on the CD you gave me Nemo: ive been listening to it! Louie: reallyyyyy? did you like it? Louie: hey hey tae tae. taeeeeeeee. tae you should send a slefdie Louie: slefit Louie: sel fie Nemo: course! i love it Nemo: maybe i'll pick a song and choreo a dance for it Tae: you want a selfie? Louie: oooooo yes please nemo Louie: and def yes pls tae Louie: do smehthing cute Nemo [deleted]: ugh louiealkf Nemo: where's mark again? Nemo: im gonna text mark Louie: idkkkkkkk Tae: 

Louie: he went to do some stuff with johnny Louie: woahhhhhhhhh Louie: waogdisjdpsgjosg Louie: shit Tae: that's me coming to get ur dumb ass Louie: wait ur coming to get me? Louie: shit shit shit wait i gotta skedoled Louie: skedadled Tae: what? Louie: well much as i think ur great im ok Louie: also i thinkk hoooo shit Louie: gotta ifnd a window lol Tae: louie if you don't stay there i will fucking murder you Tae: i'm serious Louie: deth by tae or tdeth by uncle d when he fins out Louie: shit mn if i stay its a double featur Nemo: :/ Nemo: please louie, we're worried about you Nemo: we love you! we just want to make sure you're okay Tae: yeah Tae: you're gonna stay the night with me okay Louie: oh god Tae: it'll be great Louie: hahaahahahahahaha Louie: N E M O Louie: tell him why i suddenly Louie: sgosigdsgsdg Nemo: louie  i think you should Nemo: um drink water Louie: im good ill just find Louie: makr Louie: mark Nemo: that's also good please find mark Louie: n go to his place? Tae: what did i say Nemo: nothing he's on drugs Tae: i said stay put Louie: im really good thouuuugh Louie: n mark will look out for me Louie: marks nce Tae: well mark left u alone and you did cocaine so i mean not that that's his fault i'm just saying Nemo: ugh what if mark did cocaine Nemo: u dont think mark did cocaine did he Louie: dont blae me him 4 ME BEING ME Tae: DID MARK DO COCAINE Louie: honestly i dont dieossgodkh Louie: NO Tae: fuck Nemo: he might not have! we dont know Louie: i dont deesrve mrk naywayl ol Tae: nemo never do cocaine please Nemo: i cant see mark lee doing cocaine unless someone told him it was fun dip Louie: he n johnny were just doing fun stuff 2gether Tae: lmfao Nemo: id probably DIE if i did cocaine so dont worry ahha Nemo: big no no for fairies Louie: speaking of immenditd death Louie: we sure windows r no go Nemo: which is why u shouldnt do it solidarity c'mon louie Tae: if you aren't there when i get there i will be very upset Nemo: he will be Nemo: wont u louie Louie: im scared i dont want the lady 2 yell at me Louie: pls i wanna leave Tae: I'm almost there Louie: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD= Louie: what if i hid in the bathroom Nemo: its gonna be okay louie :heart: Nemo: just um, sing a little queen Louie: no its not ill be ded 4ever n dragged home n stuck with my asshole fam n never escape n ded Nemo: you won't be dead you'll be safe Louie: shit someone said its the COPS Louie: im double triple dead Louie: n thats bullshit Louie: my fam isnt safe they suuuuuuuck Tae: WHERE ARE YOU Tae: fuck there are so many people Louie: trapped in the prison of xistance Louie: a house of horrs Louie: horors Tae: i'm serious louie i can't find you Louie: just make urself taller Louie: ill see you Tae: i'm gonna yell for you Louie: ok ok ok Nemo: ugh fksjf

[ineverhadmyinternetphase]

Running Into You - No. 6

Installment number 6 in my series of AU oneshots about Dan meeting his favourite youtuber AmazingPhil for the first time.

AO3 link

Genre: Fluff, with a sort of 2009-ish feel (but it’s still AU)

Warnings: A bit of swearing and some mentions of low self-esteem but literally it’s just fluff

Prompt: Missent Text

Summary: Dan’s on his gap year, so naturally he’s spending most of his time lounging around on the internet, watching his favourite youtubers and scrolling through tumblr. When he gets an accidental text from an unknown number, he doesn’t think much of it, until a series of events start to convince him the sender might just be someone he idolises: AmazingPhil.

A/N: This draft is like 2 years old, but @agingphangirl convinced me to post this while we’re waiting for pinof. It’s epistolary form, so I hope it isn’t too confusing. Hope you like it ^_^

Phil’s texts are italics, Dan’s texts are in quotation marks

…

6. Missent Text

Where r u?

Sorry what?

Where r u I’ve been here 10 mins

…Am I supposed to be somewhere?

You said on dm you’d be here at 6, I’m getting cold ^_^

Um I’m sorry mate but you must have the wrong number

Oh crap!! Sorry!!

.Lmao it’s ok. Just checked my dms and nothing interesting enough to make me be outside in this weather sorry

Tell me about it x_x I’m freezing. But if you’re not peej then I’ll be here a while

Unfortunately for you I go by Dan

Oh. Well, hello Dan. Sorry for bothering you with my freezing antics

Nvm it’s cool

It’s more than COOL, it’s COLD enough for ICICLES

I’m sure ur exaggerating

No my nose is an actual block of ice

Where even are you? Unless you’re in the Arctic you might want to get that seen to

--

Sorry! Peej showed up eventually (the friend I thought you were). Turns out he gave me the wrong number. All sorted now. I promise not to bother you again

Honestly it’s fine. I probably need more human contact so you did me a favour

Haha, glad to be of service ^_^ also I was in Manchester. It’s so cold it snowed. My icicle nose is allowed

Manchester? That’s like waaaaay in the north

Not that far but cold enough for icicle noses :P

Yes yes ok you’re allowed an icicle nose

Haha thanks :P so where are you, if not in the north?

Reading

Ohhhh so a proper southerner

I guess you could say that

Well hello Dan the proper southerner

God no that makes me sound like a queens guard or something

Do you queens guard people have time to text?

We’re too busy dealing with the corgis and all that shit

I knew it 0.o

XD but really I’m sitting in bed on the internet lol

Actually same

Haha really?

Yep. Which sites you on?

Just the usual. Tumblr, YouTube. My favourite youtuber has a new video due out tonight

Nice ^_^

What sites are you on?

Currently uploading a video to my YouTube channel

You have a channel?!

Haha yeah ^_^

Which one? Would I know it?

I don’t know. It isn’t a huge deal but it’s fun

Yeah I mean I admire that. I’d love to have a channel

Why don’t you?

Idk too scared I guess

Awr ^_^ nothing to be scared about honest, it’s just you and a camera

And the whole of the internet xD

Haha I try not to think about that part 0.o thousands of people watching me

Thousands? Wow so you must be a pretty big channel

Heh I guess, maybe ^_^ so who are your favourite youtubers?

Oh man I have loads XD Smosh, community channel, AmazingPhil (the one I’m waiting for the new video), charlieissocoollike

That’s a good mix ^_^ my new video is 99% uploaded and stuck there x_x

Seriously? Your connection needs to sort its shit out

Haha yeah it really does. I think it’s being attacked by bees

Bees?

Or wasps

Seriously?

Tiny horned beetles?

Do they even exist?

Idk but if they do they’re attacking my wifi

I’ll send the insect spray

Haha thanks XD it must have worked as my video is finally uploaded!

—

…Great video. Especially the lion wedding, that was sweet

Haha thanks! Glad you liked it, took ages to get the dress on lioness. Plus my mum nearly walked in on me 0.o

Holy fuck you actually are AmazingPhil aren’t you

Um, well, yes.

Sorry.

AmazingPhil, FantasticPhil, Epic Youtuber

or just Phil if you prefer

I probably should have told you

Jesus shitting fuck I’m sorry for bothering you

Don’t be daft! I accidentally texted you first ^_^

Yeah but I bet you didn’t expect to end up with a weird fanboy. Um. Not that I’m a stalker I promise

Haha it’s ok Dan honestly

I’m not going to spread your number around or anything holy shit like I’m so sorry

Honestly, please don’t worry, it’s been nice talking to you ^_^ I appreciate you not spreading my number around though. I got lucky with you, don’t want to risk a creepy stalker finding me 0.o

Lmao I promise xD how do you know for sure I’m not a creepy stalker though

0.o I’ll set the bees against you

I’ll start running now

Haha

—

So out of curiosity how long have you been watching my videos for?

Oh um a couple of years now

Really? That’s awesome!

Yeah. You actually replied to one of my comments once ^_^ made my day

Aw haha that’s great, which video?

The toxic one

Oh my god >.<

Haha it’s a good video :P

I should remove it from the internet immediately

Don’t you dare! Your fans would be sad

X_x well this isn’t very fair if you know about me but I don’t know you at all

Well you know my name’s Dan

And you’re from Reading. Tell me more? ^_^

unless you don’t want to, that’s fine, I’m just curious

Haha no it’s alright. Um. I’m Dan. I just finished my A levels and now I’m taking a gap year

Oh cool ^_^ going to uni after that?

Probably. Thinking of law

Wow, that’s impressive

Haha we’ll see ^_^

Just checking but how old are you? I don’t want to be a creep 0.o

Lmao dw I’m 18 everything is legal

Phew XD Anything else I should know?

Well I’m currently undefeated at mario kart

What seriously? You’ve never lost?

Nope and I don’t plan to start :P

I’d beat you

I really wish we could test that theory

Haha that would be fun :P we could always test it over Skype sometime?

That’s probably really weird sorry

I promise I’m not a creeper

It’s ok, and yeah, I’d love to Skype sometime

Yeah? Yay! :D

Lmao you’re probably going to want to run a mile when you see me though

I doubt that very much unless you have like five eyes or something

Five eyes? Wtf XD

Idk you could be a giant spider

[insert pic] See? Not a giant spider :P

Oh wow yeah not a giant spider. I spy a cute guy :P

Shut up >.<

Nice hair

Lol I swear I had it like this before I started watching you

[insert pic] And here I thought I’d started a trend

Crap you actually are Phil >.< yeah your hair is cool enough to be a trendsetter tbh

Haha thanks XD and yeah I am Phil. Is that a problem?

Are you kidding me? Nope except I turn even more awkward than normal around people I admire

Aw well awkward people are the best. And at least there aren’t videos of you half-naked on the internet

You make a good point

—

Hey so I’m uploading a new video tonight but I can’t decide if it’s actually any good. Check it out for me?

Omfg are you seriously saying I get a sneak preview on an AmazingPhil video

Yes please ^_^ I might have overweirded. Need a second opinion

Omfg

just like

give me a moment

wtf

fucking hell

wow ok

I’m calm now

yes I would love to check your video for you

Haha thanks. It’s up as unlisted, [insert link] please be honest with me if it’s terrible

Wow man that’s awesome! I love how interactive it is!

Omfg seriously how are you this creative like you shouldn’t be allowed

Haha really? Wow thanks, I’m not sure about the shot angle though and the lighting is kinda terrible

Yeah ngl the lighting is bad but you can’t control the sun

You never know! I could be a weatherman. But you seriously think I should upload it?

[insert pic with thumbs up] totally I love it

Aw I forgot how hot you are. It’s going up tonight then

CUTE I MEANT CUTE

Gah I’m sorry

Haha it’s fine, getting called hot is never bad in my book ;)

Would you believe it was autocorrect?

Haha if you want :P sounds pretty unlikely though

I’m hiding in a pillow and never coming out

No! Then your subscribers will hate me for taking you away

[insert pic in a pillow] do you like my new home

XD don’t hide from me seriously like you have a video to upload

[insert pic] ok true it’s on 68%

Damn YouTube upload times

Tell me about it. Have you ever uploaded a video then?

Lmao there’s one of me being a boss at DDR

Yeah? Can I check it out?

>.< Um sure, I’m a lame nerd though

Dan, have you even met me?

Haha ok true :P [insert link] just don’t say I didn’t warn you

No one’s feet should be allowed to move that fast. You’re so good, I fall over whenever I try and play

Haha I could teach you

Please be my DDR master Dan-sensei

Depends what you give me :P

I’ve got Pokemon cards

I’m sold

—

[insert pikachu with a lion pic] this was too cute not to show you

Awwww! Rawr ^_^ where is that?

Shop called forbidden planet. I’m in London on work experience and went there on my break

0.o London? You’re braver than me, capital cities scare me

Aw poor Phil haha

[insert pic] do I look ready for work?

Very serious

Srs bsns

[insert scared face pic] I’ll take YouTube any day

Haha. Me too tbh. Law offices are big and dull

Why do you want to do it then?

Idk. Job security? Having a point in life?

Fair enough :P

You did English didn’t you? Sorry I swear I’m not a stalker

Haha it’s fine ^_^ and yeah, English language and linguistics. Then a masters in post-production

Wow that’s so cool. So you’re in your 20s?

22 ^_^ My masters is the only reason I know how to edit videos :P

I wish I could

Well I can always teach you

Seriously?!

Yeah of course, I reckon you’d be great at making videos

Really? Lmao I’m so awkward tho

That can work in your favour, trust me :P

Haha well if you say so, YouTube senpai

Listen well Dan-kun and you too will learn the ways of the YouTube

Haha you’re so strange

You’re just jealous

[insert pic] so much

Stop taking pics at work

But it’s so boring. At least send me one back, save me from the dullness

[insert pic] on my way to a meetup so might be a bit slow

Oh cool meetup like YouTube meetup?

I guess that must be fun

I’d love to go to one but too scared and awkward lol

Save me work is literally killing me

I can’t actually keep working here

ugh why did I ever think law was a good idea I’m going to die at uni

Whoops sorry I seem to have spammed your phone

—

Hey Dan, sorry! I forgot to bring my charger to the meetup so my phone has only just come back to me. I mourned it’s passing *plays lion king music*

Oh that’s ok

I really am sorry that I couldn’t distract you from your work

Lmao no worries

Don’t know if it’ll make it any better but I am working on a new video and lion says he thinks law is a very admirable career option

Tell lion thanks and I’d be even more grateful if he did my degree for me

He says sign him up where are you going to uni anyway?

Well I’m not there yet. I have to start applying soon

Looked around any?

Errrr I’ll get on that

Isn’t the deadline soon?

Yeah but I’m an epic procrastinator

Lion is very disappointed

Lion can suck my dick

Dan!

Lmao I was kidding

XD

besides you’re 18 you have loads of time to sort stuff out

Yeah but I have literally no idea what I’m doing

No one does. That’s why you go to uni - to figure it out

You seemed to have it all together

Haha thanks, but honestly, I was just making stupid videos in my bedroom

does that sound wrong?

Lmao a little yeah

Oops

Dw lol if you’re a sexual predator you’re a bit far away to do any real damage

True

:( I’d rather you were nearer tbh

Even if I’m a sexual predator?

Lol I don’t really think you are though

Well I’m not

And me too, Dan

—

[insert pic] last day at the office today I literally couldn’t be happier

Lol I can see from your face

[insert pic] is it that obvious

Rawr

I’ll send lioness to aid you

Lioness not lion?

She’s much fiercer

Lmao probs true either way I’ll take help

At least soon you’ll be free

Yeah I literally can’t wait

Gonna do something to celebrate? ^_^

Lol all my friends are at uni

[insert pic] well Lion and I are proud of you

Aw thanks ^_^ I still forget you’re AmazingPhil sometimes

I’m deeply offended

no but really I’m just Phil and you’re really cool

sorry

Na it’s fine I just had to work

Oops XD

I’m hiding out in the toilets now so we’re fine lmao

and I have no issues with you being Phil

I mean it could be worse at least you aren’t a creepy stalker

I hope not. Also uploading another video tonight, I think you’ll like it

!!! Best celebration ever

^_^

—

So I may have been stalking you on Twitter and it seems your birthday is soon?

0.o stalker. And yeah it is ^_^

wait you follow me? What’s your Twitter handle?

Um. Yes I follow you. And this is going to sound very awkward and stuff but I kind of want to send you a birthday present

Omg Dan you don’t have to do that

Well I’d kinda like to so :P should I use your PO box?

Nah that takes ages to check, I’ll give you my actual address

I promise not to hunt you down

Tbh if it’s you I wouldn’t even mind

Omg

[insert pic with address] there you go

Lol is that a bank statement?

Yeah I’m so profesh

Phil! I could literally rob you

Well I trust that you won’t :P

Lmao you’d better

What’s your Twitter handle btw? You never said

Uh its danisnotonfire.

But please don’t judge me oh god I’m such a nerd

Dan honestly you’re the coolest person I know

sorry was that a bit much?

No! I’m just struggling to respond to the best youtuber out there calling me cool

Not just cool, the coolest :P wow you’ve commented on my tweets quite a bit

>.<

Sorry I never noticed you properly

You accidentally texted me I think that wins

Haha true

—

Happy birthday!

Thanks! ^_^ I have family stuff but I’ll talk to you as soon as I’m done

Sure sure have a great day!

— DAN OMG

YOUR PRESENTS

YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE YOU ACTUALLY SHOULDN’T

[insert excited pic cuddling the presents] you’re amazing

you’re so amazing

I can’t believe you

honestly you’re too amazing

how did I ever meet someone this nice and funny and cool and kind and cute and sweet

honestly

and I know you must be sleeping it’s like 2am but I have to tell you

OMG you’re too adorable

who let you be like this and you’re too far away :(

I wish you could be here so I could give you a thank-you hug

Wow I’m glad you liked them :P I’ll take a thank-you hug

What are you doing still up?

Can’t sleep how was the party?

GR8 M8! My parents embarrassed me in front of everyone

Oh no what did they do?

Got the baby photos out >.<

Lmao I’d love to see that

I was ginger

OMG for real?!

Yes >.< *hides forever*

That’s adorable

You’re adorable

Your mum’s adorable

Actually shut up

:P aren’t you too old for immature arguments now

Go to sleep

Lmao I’m glad it was good though

Thanks yeah it was rly good

Looking through the photos now

Any good ones?

Mostly drunk XD [insert pic]

Who’s that guy?

My cousin

Lmao ok I was about to say hands off

XD he was really drunk

You look a bit worse for the wear too

I may be slightly intoxicated

Haha tut tut Lester

Shut up Dan :P what is your surname?

Howell

Howell? Like a wolf?

Lmao if you like

Awooooooo

You’re so strange XD

AwoloooooOooooOOOOO

it suits you though

you’re very brown

XD aren’t wolves grey?

Well yeah

but like

you have their wildness

Lmao I’m taking that as a compliment

You should

you’re hot as hell

but so young and sticky out

like a baby deer

A wolf and a baby deer?

And eyes like an owl

You and your animal metaphors

None of those are quite right though

Like your eyes are too pretty they’re more like the night sky

but coloured with earth

You’re drunk

I mean it though

…I know

I wish I had eyes like yours

No! Yours are perfect

They’re big and weird

They’re deep and beautiful and I could swim in them all day

and I’m not drunk

I should be sleeping

You’re sleep-drunk :P which is actually a thing you know

Right I’m going to sleep

Noooooooo

We’ll talk about this when we’re both more sane

But I don’t want you to go

it’s quiet and sad when you aren’t around

and I’m cold here now

and it’s my birthday

Dan?

Dan?

Happy birthday you idiot. Now go to sleep

night Dan <333

—

I’m so sorry about last night I had too much to drink

Haha it’s ok it was your birthday

Yeah but still

I’m so sorry if I made you uncomfortable

You didn’t. There’s nothing to worry about

Do we need to talk about this?

Um. Do you want to?

Kind of

But kind of not

I don’t want to make you feel awkward

I’m always awkward

Dan, for real. You know what I mean.

Yeah I think I do

Do we need to talk about it?

I think we’re both aware it’s there. Let’s just see where it goes?

Yeah ok sounds good. And no awkwardness?

None at all, I promise <3

Good <3

—

Hey Dan, are you still up for Skype at some point?

Yeah, sure ^_^ tonight?

Yeah! I’ll just finish up editing

Ooh, what’s it like?

Haha spoilers :P what’s your Skype name?

Danisnotonfire same as Twitter

Original :P

added you

‘AmazingPhil has added you to his contacts’ you’re just as original I see

Shut up and answer the call

—

So my eyes are even bluer on skype? :P

Haha shuddup

They’re even more blue in person

Are they even blue lmao they’re like 3 different colours

[insert pic] mostly blue

Greeny yellow blue

Very poetic

Shuddup :P

sorry I’ll stop

Please don’t

Lol fishing for compliments?

Well if they’re being offered

You’re impossible

That isn’t a compliment

You’re ridiculously strange?

I’ll take that

Haha of course you would :P

So what are you up to?

Actually answering a few texts for once, you?

Throwing around some video ideas but I’m bored now. Who’re you texting?

Some school friends who are at uni

Nice ^_^

Well. Sort of. It’s weird

Tell me about it?

It’s just they all have these lives that are moving forwards and away from home and leaving me behind

and I just

My ex is dating someone else and I’m in exactly the same place as I was when she broke up with me

And I’m not content but I don’t really want to go anywhere or do anything and I just don’t know what on earth I’m going to do with my life

Were you happy with them before school ended?

Idk. I thought so at the time. But I don’t think I’ve ever really been happy, not yet

It’s ok. You don’t have to know right now. And one day you’ll leave all of them behind too and move on to something better

I think I already am. Having you around is better than them

Sorry

Haha don’t apologise for being so sweet ^_^

Also I’m single now. And bi. Just to avoid confusion

I’m bi too. Probably

Probably?

Not a massive fan of labels if I’m honest

If I feel something for someone then that’s all that matters

Might be demi, might be bi, might be somewhere inbetween.

And I don’t want you to worry about your future, ok? Everything is going to fall into place

<3

And if it doesn’t I’ll be around to distract you with more lame animal comparisons

Haha I actually love you

Me too <3

—

Get on Skype!

Ok it’s late you’re probably sleeping

it’s just

ugh I don’t know who else to talk to so I’m going to rant at your phone like a completely normal person

but mum yelled at me for not doing my uni application yet

but I just don’t know what to do I mean law yes but how do I decide where?

This is huge

and I don’t want to rush into it

but she thinks I’m going to miss the deadline though there’re months left

and I just

ugh

now she isn’t talking to me

-

Dan I’m sorry I was sleeping. Skype now?

I really don’t mind you spamming my phone, please do, always, I’d rather you had somewhere to talk about this stuff

And you know, Manchester uni is good. I could show you around

—

I spoke to mum about going to look around the uni.

She asked where I would stay.

I kind of told her I have friends at uni there.

It’s a half truth right?

Awesome ^_^ Um do you think she’d like to know the truth?

Probably.

Idk.

She might freak out and be worried

Because you’re meeting a random man you’ve never met before?

Lmao when you put it like that

Are you honestly ok with this? It’s fine if you’re not

No no I’m so ok. I want to meet you. Like properly

I want that too. So much

So it’s going to happen. I’m buying train tickets

Awesome ^_^ but your mum?

Do you think I should tell her?

I think she’d be happier knowing where you are

Yeah. Yeah I know. I’ll talk to her

Give her my phone number too. And my address

Lmao you after more stalkers?

Dan I’m serious I want you to be safe

You spoon

yeah I’ll tell her everything. She might not be best pleased though

Dw if she locks you up I’ll come rescue you

<3

<3

—

I told her

!!! And?

She said yes

OMG!!!!! I’m out atm but Skype as soon as I get back?

Yes please :P

[insert happy pic]

[insert happy pic]

—

Hey Dan you should make a YouTube channel before you visit me

?? Really?

Yeah I mean you always say you want to. And we could do a collab ^_^

For serious?!

Yeah! I mean, if you want to

I’ve been wanting to do a Q and A for a while and it would be fun I think

Omfg

Is that a yes?

Hell yes it’s a yes

Um only problem is

How do I even make a video?

However you want ^_^ you’ve told me loads of good ideas

But they’re so lame lmao

They’re really not. I promise.

Why not start with an introduction? Then you can go on to your actual content

Omg but like do you really think I could?

Honestly! Yes.

Ok

Ok

My mum’s going out in a minute so I’ll have the house to myself. I could film

That’s brilliant! I’m about to head out with mum but film whilst I’m gone and we can Skype later yeah?

Ok wow

omg

ok

Phil this isn’t working I sound so stupid

fucking hell I can’t do this

You can! Act like you’re on Skype to me

Can we Skype?

Still visiting my brother sorry :( tonight we will

Ok. I’ll keep trying

You can do it! Pretend the camera is me. Or any friend. It’ll help

Ok <3

<3

—

Holy fuck Phil I have views.

And subscribers! So many subscribers!

Told you!!

This is because you tweeted it

No, it’s because you’re really bloody talented

>.< I can’t believe I did that

You did and you’re awesome and I’m so proud of you!

Can’t wait to collab :D

Me neither, if you still want to I mean

Silly, of course I want to. Best thing about this month

<3

<3

—

Um so a bit of a change of plan

??? Do I need to cancel the train tickets?

No no! Just

Turns out my parents aren’t going to be here the weekend you’re visiting.

Is that a problem?

Lmao no why would it be

are you planning to ravish me or something

>.< I don’t think I’ve ever ravished anything in my life

Well you can start with me ;)

Dan!

Seriously though. Is it ok?

Yeah. Honestly it’s great.

Are you sure?

Are you?

Yeah I mean honestly it’ll be nicer to see you without having to get around them

I just don’t want to weird you out

You won’t

I hope not

Phil honestly I can’t wait

:D me neither

where are you btw? Skype isn’t picking up

Oh yeah, my internet is down, sorry

:O no wifi?!

No wifi. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive

I’ll spam you with texts

Please!

Actually I have something better

[incoming call: AmazingPhil]

—

I’m at the train station and it’s super early I’m not even sure you’re worth it

Sorry! I’ll make it up to you with hot coffee and hugs ^_^

Ok yeah you are worth it

Aw :D

On the train next to an old man who’s threatening to fall asleep on my shoulder

x_X tell him to keep his hands off

Lmao yeah I’m sure you’d really sort him out

I could be fierce

You’re literally a muffin with an emo fringe

I’ll fill your bag with bees

I’ll tame them into my own personal army

Then you’ll be our evil overlord

Mwahahaha

Can I be on your side when you take over the world?

Your lion powers could come in useful so yeah I guess so

Awesome we can run the world together

Yes :P

ugh the train is running late

:( by how much?

Twenty minutes atm

I’ll still get to the station at ten to

Well it might be running quite late by the time we get that far north

I don’t want to miss you. I’ll be there <3

I can’t wait

Me neither

Stuck in Stoke now. Literally the weirdest station I’ve ever seen

Haha really?

Yeah. And it’s packed. I had no idea this many people travelled this early on a Saturday, I didn’t even know this time exists

It doesn’t and you’re travelling in some other dimension right now

Shut up :P

Just waved my parents off. I’ll head out to the station soon

I’m so nervous

Me too <3

Promise you won’t run a mile?

Promise. I’ll see you soon Dan

See you soon

—        

[survivormontenegro]

Prejury Rites of Passage

Ali - The undisputed Subway Queen. Somehow, other than maybe JJ, you have ended up as maybe the most talked about player this season, your legacy lives on. Your tribe PSAs about your feelings on the vote were legendary, and I genuinely really enjoyed talking to you. If you are still looking for closure, from my perspective, the reason you left the game was because while we had greater conversations, I’m not sure how much you had talked to the others, and you targeted who was someone who was already well-connected in Mitch, and who was also someone I didn’t want to see go. With that said, you remain a legend, the original robbed goddess of the season, and in Tumblr Survivor: Sandwich Royalty, I can’t wait to watch you snatch first place.

Benj - You were really nice but just didn’t talk much! Queen of subway, queen of stacking sandwiches, queen of telling us you scored over 50 but actually scored 0. We still talk about that iconic moment.

Caeleb - I’m sorry I never got to meet you. The way people talk about you is iconic, so I can only imagine that you are actually are. 

Ali - You will without question not remember this, but you played in my first ever season! You were inactive, and basically didn’t message anyone, but you wrote a confessional that I still remember about me being annoying and wanting me to shut my mouth. It seems you knew the truth of my annoying ways before the rest of the cast, so perhaps you are the wokest one of all.

Caeleb - I messaged you about corn. And then we never talked again, and that’s why I think I got your vote. But you seemed really fun, I just wish I got to know you more. 

Tom - Hi pal it’s me Tom uhm it was nice to meet someone that i would have never met in my real life as you are into drag so it was nice talking to you for the small portion you were in the game

Ali - Jared, you are the OG crackhead of the season, and I honestly miss you for it. You were such a king, and a pleasure to talk to, but I think from jump you were playing super hard, and spreading stuff back and forth which I think got a lot of early attention on you? So I think when info spread about the Budva idol being found, and about the Mitch vote, people found that frustrating and wanted you out, which played onto my own fears of you playing hard, so I got on board. With that said, I was genuinely very sorry on a personal level to see you go, as I know you had a lot more game in you, and I look forward to seeing you play another game, because you defo DEFO should.

Benj - You were one of my favs from the start and was hoping to go further with you but unfortunately you got a bit too messy! Hope u can do well in future games tho!

Caeleb - The only thing I know about you is that Mitch said, “that’s what you get for targeting me” at your tribal. At least I think it was. 

Ali - I LOVE YOU. I doubt you remember me also, but I remember talking to you during Tumblr Survivor: Solomon Islands, both your first season and one of the first seasons which I followed in this community. It was very full circle seeing you play this season, and I was super disappointed to see you go so early, but obviously OG Durmitor saw how iconic you were and didn’t want to compete!

Benj - WILLOW MY QUEEEEEEN. Literally the only person I was friends with before this season and it sucks that once again we never got to play with each other :(( After you left I knew I had to make it far for you I hope youre proud u were robbed!!

Caeleb - I am sad, I really liked Willow. She was undeniably sweet, and she really wanted to do better than her last time in Kuwait. I really wanted to help her out with that and when JJ told me to vote Willow and Willow wasn’t around to make a countermove I knew it was too late. BUT I miss Willow and her super sweet heart, and Benj and I talk about how we had to do well for her honor. 

Tom - Robbed honestly kinda sad that u left but unfortunately that’s where majority went 😢

Ali - Okay this season has had many upsetting moments. However, I believe maybe the most upsetting was you sending the picture of the blue wig you wanted to wear in a lip sync challenge to the OG Budva tribe chat. Seeing you wear it the following round, and be sent home right after, was so upsetting, that wig was truly CURSED. You were also kinda cracked apparently, but we were gonna be fellow bad bitches of the tribe which I loved (I may have also voted for you one round but… let's forget about all that NNNN)

Benj - You were iconic in the music vid challenge but we just didn’t have as good of a connection that I found with the new Durmitors on the tribe which is why I ended up siding with them ://

Caeleb - Noah was some guy. He has a vibrant personality and had an interesting mentality towards survivor. It seemed like he was willing to make big moves, and to my favor that didn’t end up working out for him. Regardless, his strategy was unique and his energy was intense and colorful. 

Ali - Okay… JJ, hnnngh let’s buckle in. First off, can I just say, apparently you showed your mum my intro, and she said I was a mess… so your mum gets me as a person. Otherwise… you were actually crazy, some highlights being when you wanted to call me when I was coming back from a night out with friends and with them in McDonalds at 5am, or when you wanted to call me 0.5 seconds after I left my prom. In general, while I found you super frustrating lowkey and didn’t particularly appreciate the pseudo-threats you made to my game, I know you genuinely mean well, and hearing stories about your activities in a car park aside, are a good soul really. Just… no more constant calls.

Caeleb - JJ was some kid. When he wanted to call every day in Durmitor I told my friends that I was going to be really upset if he beat me in this game, because I didn’t like that we were calling for hours on end every single day. However, he did include me in talks and was always kind to me, and it actually took me by surprise when I found out that everyone felt that same unease about him. I think that attests to his strength if he were to make it post-merge. Early on that creates a big target, but this could’ve come in as a strength long-term.

Tom - eek cracked legend, as much as you drove me up the wall with all your plans it was cool to reconnect since tengaged uhm say gday to your mum for me and just a tip for next time it’s a marathon not a sprint ❤️

Ali - You were the Siri to my Alexa. While I initially assumed you would potentially be first boot, you became… such a legend, and the way you would message me about votes, while terrifying was also iconic. I also heard you were recruited by Dennis, who is also a king, so if Dennis stans, we do too. Apparently you kind of disappeared/gave up, which is a shame, since I think Siri could’ve fought on and been amazing.

Benj - Challenge beast!! You always put in the best effort that I have seen in chals and sad u vanished at the end hope ur ok!

Caeleb - We had some really fun discussions about his gaming career and the different gaming communities he’s apart of. I honestly thought our connection was pretty friendly and enjoyable, I kinda wish we had kept up our communication after the Noah vote. 

Ali - Evan, you were a really sweet guy and on a personal level, I loved talking to you. I think your fate was somewhat sealed by you telling JJ he was going to go home the first swap round, in that it kinda eroded trust in you, and alienated you from the other six members of the tribe. With that said, I do want to apologise to you, for not being around during the second day of the challenge where we had to unscramble the names of the survivor players, and for not helping out enough; it was clear that challenge would determine your fate, and I wish I had done more.

Caeleb - This boy was an icon. I do think he was kinda robbed. Sure, he was paranoid, but TS is just a cluster-f of emotions so like who can blame him. He made crazy connections and always told people that they were his number one. Honestly, I believed him when we were on the same tribe. Either he was goofing me just as he was everyone else, or he actually did trust me. I hope it was the latter!

Tom - oh Evan you really uhm got unlucky with this vote off, I feel like you were so good in the game just unfortunately  loyalty kicked your ass :( it was lovely meeting you and hearing about you and your gf cute ass relationship 

Ali - Okay, as you said to me, I definitely, definitely have some explaining to do. I genuinely loved our personal conversations throughout this game, but I also have felt since round two of this game, that you were a threat of astronomical proportions and needed to go sooner rather than later. Your win in the lists immunity challenge solidified this, and I consistently considered you a major threat through both the tail end of pre-swap and during the swap. When the merge vote happened, and an opportunity opened up to both remove you and separate you and Jason as a duo, it was an opportunity I had to capitalise on. I genuinely am so sorry for how dirty you were done, and I also hate that you weren’t even on jury, but I hope you can at least take something out of how well you played, while you were in the game.

Benj - Omg Ian I think that you think I voted you/knew about your vote off when really I had no idea you were one of my favs from the start to talk to and it sucks you left so soon before we got to truly play together :((

Caeleb - I got to chat with him for like 3 days, but he seemed like such a sweetheart. We couldn’t talk game because we were both being told that we were on the opposite side of the votes, and it seemed smart to stick with our respective groups. Regardless, our chats were pleasant, fun, and kind, and I honestly could have seen myself working with him throughout the season and going far with him if things were just different. We were pitted against each other, and sadly that’s the way it is 

Tom - ahh bromigo honestly by far the most robbed of this season I’m so sad you couldn’t be apart of jury because you deserved it, I’m sure we’ll keep talking after this game and I just want to say thank you for being such an amazing ally and friend probably the person I enjoyed speaking too the most

[spobycavanaugh]

Chapter 12 of “The Avengers Group Chat” is Up!

Chapter 12 of “The Avengers Group Chat” is now on AO3! Read it Here on AO3!

Chapter is also under the cut.

Clint: oh shit oh shit oh shit

Clint: what the fuck do we do now???

Sam: Maybe we stop texting each other and just TALK since that we’re all RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER

Clint: no way man this texting thing is the only thing preserving my sanity

buckyhampalace: That was a pretty big word for your mouth there Clint

Clint: SHUTUP

Natasha: There’s no way you idiots can handle this. I’m tapping out of the mission and coming back. Fury can send Hill in.

Clint: nO you definitely don’t need to come back nat

Natasha: Too bad, someone has to discipline you morons.

Clint: oh fuck shes gonna kill us

Rhodey: Yeah, unless Tony beats her to it.

underoos: haha u guys r so screwed

Clint: bitch…

Sam: What the hell man? You’re the one blasted the hole in the floor in the first place. If anyone here is screwed, it’s you.

underoos: that’s where ur wrong mr rhodes. mr stark loves me so im safe. hes gonna kill u guys for letting me in his lab

Clint: the kid played us dirty

Sam: what the fuck.

Rhodey: That doesn’t matter now. We need to find a way to fix this damn floor.

Clint: i can call a floor guy?

buckyhampalace: What the hell is a floor guy?

scarletbitch: Do you mean a carpenter?

Clint: yeah whatever

underoos: earth’s mightiest heroes, everyone

Clint: FUCK YOU YOU UGLY SPIDER IF IT WERENT FOR YOU TONY WOULDN’T BE FUCKING EATING OUR DICKS FOR BREAKFAST

Natasha: That sounds much more sexual than you meant.

Clint: OH FUCK NO

Clint: NO

buckyhampalace: I DID NOT NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE.

underoos: EWWWWWW

underoos: CLINT IM A MINOR THAT’S ILLEGAL

Clint: I DON’T THINK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL US THAT

underoos: WELL YOU GUYS KNEW IT ANYWAY

Sam: WILL YOU BITCHES SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CALL A FUCKING CARPENTER ALREADY?

scarletbitch: wait do not call a carpenter. civilians will find it very suspicious that a normal man is walking into the avengers compound. Besides will a carpenter really come at this unholy hour?

Clint: that’s usually when people climax, so

buckyhampalace: That’s disgusting.

Sam: Well then what the fuck do you want us to do?

scarletbitch: how am I supposed to know I am not the one who blasted the hole in the floor!

underoos: IM SORRY

Clint: wanda if you just USED YOUR FUCKING POWERS then this shit could have been fixed by now

scarletbitch: I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FIX A FLOOR. I HAVE A DEGREE IN ART HISTORY NOT CARPENTRY

Clint: WHAT THE FUCK WHY ART HISTORY THAT’S THE WORST KIND OF HISTORY

Sam: WHAT THE FUCK WHY WOULD YOU WANT A DEGREE IN THAT

scarletbitch: LEAVE ME ALONE YOU UGLY OSTRICHES

buckyhampalace: I have to admit it’s really funny to watch you guys stand in a circle, completely silent while typing furiously on your phones while the kid hyperventilates about the hole he busted in his dad’s floor

underoos: UM

Sam: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA

underoos: MR STARK ISNT MY DAD MR BUCKY WINTER BARNES SIR

buckyhampalace: He’s not?

Sam: NOPE

Clint: its fine dude we all thought it at one point

underoos: YOU DID?

Clint: yeah lmao

buckyhampalace: Sorry kid

underoos: its ok mr bucky sir

buckyhampalace: Just call me Bucky

underoos: ok sir

Clint: HA

Natasha: If you idiots are done discussing who Tony stuck his dick in, maybe get back to solving the problem about THE GAPING HOLE IN THE FLOOR

Clint: YES MA’AM

Steve: Thor is here.

underoos: maybe mr thor can fix the floor!

Sam: Right, because the god of thunder has a college degree in general carpentry

Steve: He brought a guest.

Sam: Well the guest better be a fucking carpenter or else I’m fucking pushing them down this hole

buckyhampalace: I mean, wouldn’t an engineer be more useful here?

Sam: Since when are you an expert on floors, asshole

buckyhampalace: I hate you

underoos: OMG I SEE MR THOR

Rhodey: is that fucking loki with him?

buckyhampalace: Who the hell is Loki?

Steve: Thor’s brother. We fought him a few years ago when he attacked New York City.

buckyhampalace: What the fuck

Clint: my thoughts every day

Rhodey: Why is Loki with him?

Clint: someone get this bitch a phone so that he can text us

Thor: Hello everyone.

Rhodey: …

Natasha: Everyone say “Hi Thor”.

Rhodey: Hi Thor.

Sam: Hi Thor

Clint: hi thor

underoos: OMG HI MR THOR SIJFHIFHDFJSHGERHB

buckyhampalace: Hi Thor.

Steve: Hi Thor.

Thor: I have brought my dear brother with me.

Clint: ew why

Rhodey: Here, let me get Loki a phone so he can speak for himself.

Thor: Why do we not just all talk? We are all in the same room.

Clint: because it’s the twenty first century bitch

Thor: Fair enough.

Loki: Hello.

Sam: does anyone else smell some shit in here?

Natasha: Be nice.

Loki: I am not here to harm you. I swear on my right to the throne.

Clint: but ur not getting the throne. thor is gonna be king

Thor: I am king now, Hawkeye.

Loki: Until I kill him.

Sam: See, this is why no one fucking trusts you

Loki: Relax, you naïve fools. I am not going to hurt any of you. Thor and I need a place to stay for a while.

Natasha: I thought you said you were king, Thor?

Thor: I am. But a series of unfortunate events led to Asgard being destroyed several weeks ago, and now I ask that you provide hospitality for my brother.

Sam: Is that why when you got here a little while ago your hair was fucked, you were missing an eye, and you have no hammer?

Rhodey: I thought we agreed no one was going to bring that up unless Thor started talking about it first.

Clint: well we’re gonna be housing his bitchass brother, i think we deserve to know what the fuck happened to turn them into hobos

Rhodey: Clint, be more sensible.

Clint: fuck that

Thor: It’s alright War Machine. To make a long story short, our Father told us that we have an evil sister who was imprisoned, and she was coming back and was going to try to take over Asgard. Then he died, leaving us to our own devices. Then our sister returned, broke my hammer, sent us to another planet where the Hulk and our personal drunk hero was, we started a revolution and left, went back to Asgard where I lost an eye and brought upon Ragnarok which destroyed our planet and now me, Loki, and the entire population of Asgard need a place to stay.

Sam: What the actual fuck?

Rhodey: So that’s why when you showed up a few weeks ago, you looked like fucking trash.

Thor: Exactly!

Clint: so youre basically house hunting for asgard now?

Thor: That’s one way to put it.

Clint: yeah sorry man i don’t think assgard will fit in the compound or my apartment so

Thor: That is quite alright Hawkeye. I’ve already found a home for Asgard. Canada is in desperate need of more people, so I’ve sent them all there.

Sam: Wow.

Clint: well thor my dude, youre gonna have to ask tony if u and ur edgy brother can stay here because none of us here call the shots

Thor: That makes sense. Where is Stark, anyway?

Rhodey: He’s not here. As you can probably tell by the gaping hole in the floor.

Thor: Ah, yes, I was wondering about that.

underoos: mr thor mr sir can u help us fix the floor???

Thor: I’m afraid I cannot, Spider Boy.

Loki: I believe I can.

Clint: bitch YOU?

Loki: Why yes, I can. I’ve spent years attempting to murder my brother, so I’ve picked up a few things on the way.

underoos: o

Loki: Now if you would be so kind as to give me a few minutes, I should be able to fix your floor.

Clint: uM

Steve: Wow.

Sam: Holy shit, he just fixed the floor.

Clint: damn, wanda this bitch is a better wizard than youll ever be]

Sam: Damn, it looks like it was never broken in the first place.

scarletbitch: shut up you ugly toilet snake

Rhodey: I never thought I’d be saying this, but thanks Loki.

Loki: You’re very welcome.

Natasha: We’ll make it sure that Loki will stay here.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: Heyo boo Ali: thanks for Rocky wrangling with me today, you're now also his fave so, add that to your tally Carly: its k i had fun Carly: hes a cutie & cool kid Ali: me too Ali: yeah, he's alright, but cocky enough so I ain't telling him Ali: dunno where he gets that from 😏 Carly: ha Carly: yea idk Carly: no clue Ali: i'm sorry Ro was being off btw, I'm working out why but trust it wasn't you, babe Ali: been neglecting her lately, everyone wants a piece of me Ali: hard life Carly: idc its me too Carly: nobody wants a piece but you Ali: I just told you that ain't true, and Rocky is ruthless, he called one of my customers a 'big bum witch' the other day Ali: no tip for me, thanks dickhead Ali: but I want all of you regardless Ali: willing to throw hands Carly: aw Carly: this town is full of big bum witches tho Carly: my ma back for one Carly: but are you willing to use those hands for good too or Ali: awks if that was your Ma, like hey gurl, I think you rock it Ali: your daughter ain't bad either Ali: you know it, IOU 'cos we couldn't make like we were in the backrow of the cinema Carly: unless she been lying about where she at i think youve avoided meeting the in laws again Carly: k cuz you kno i need to collect soon Carly: bored Carly: just back and zoned out so fast Ali: ain't even got exciting stories from their galavanting? fucking rude Ali: at least when we go AWOL we also go wild Ali: make things happen, lads Carly: my ma's good for nothing but hairspray and peroxide Carly: only use if i get beat up again Carly: my da's good for cash tho if you wanna get wild w me Ali: or you wanna single white female me Ali: which would be a disappointing outcome to say the least Ali: can't tonight babe, I've gotta have some sister time Ali: go hard for both of us Carly: k Carly: try not to miss me bad when shes talking about me Ali: oh babe, she will not, and if she does I'll set her straight Ali: gonna let the world know you're my 😇 Carly: whatever her issue shes gotta air it and youre her sister so you gotta hear it Carly: idc shes not gonna hurt me w it Carly: and setting peeps straight is the opposite of how you do, babe Ali: true Ali: idk what issue she could have though, you're a literal ray of sunshine Ali: true again 😏 Ali: ugh, imma miss you Ali: maybe i can sneak out when she's gone to bed, the 'rents too Carly: i miss you now Carly: cant hear my parents say shit Carly: i just wanna talk to you Carly: dont tell me maybe & keep me waiting tho Ali: i will Ali: promise Carly: i dont wanna make trouble for you Carly: w anyone Carly: you can stay w her if you need to stay Ali: You won't Ali: I can do both Ali: be back before first light Ali: even if I'll miss watching the sun rise on your face 😔 Ali: we've got the night, baby Carly: but you kno if ive got you for the whole night youre gonna fall asleep Carly: thats what im good at Carly: feel free to tell your sister thats why you like me ha Carly: fun & tiring its magic Ali: hmm, we'll see who wears who out first, babe Ali: and if I am that husband, then you'll just have to wake me up with morning sex like the good little wifey you are 😘😂 Carly: always bringing that confidence i like it Carly: k but if my parents wake up too you can explain its a duty thing yea i had to like Ali: i like you Ali: for so many reasons and imma show you all of 'em tonight Ali: fuck that Ali: stay out with me, its warm enough Ali: i'll trace all the constellations out with my tongue so you won't ever forget Ali: educational Carly: my ma is asking me what im blushing about Carly: i told her what you said but she's not a believer Carly: support my education bitch Carly: ha Ali: i mean, i'd offer to let her see the benefits for herself but Ali: not gonna win me any brownie points 'cos she won't take me up on it Carly: she dont kno what she's missing but i do Carly: wish you were here Ali: me too Ali: start the party without me babe, i don't mind Carly: too late if you do Carly: gotta get through this reunion some way Ali: they aren't making you watch a slideshow, are they? Ali: fate worse than death Ali: Maybe you could go to Ronan's? Lmao, he's been up in my pussy way too much since he found out about us...didn't think we were THAT loud but ok boy Carly: yea Carly: might do cuz same Carly: but what if i miss you he can really make a night of it when he wants Ali: Nah, I won't let you face that disappointment, babe Ali: my spidey senses will tingle like not on my watch, fuckboy Carly: aw Carly: you gonna come get me? Carly: thats no way to get him out your pussy babe fyi Ali: yeah Ali: I know but I like the idea of showing you off as mine Ali: but no sharing, he only gets to watch and be mad he fucked it up Carly: i like it too Carly: youre hot when youre oneupping fuckboys Carly: i thought i knew how to do it best but k youre flipping the script Ali: as long as i'm besting them i'm doing my job right Ali: gotta keep you on-board Carly: speak of the devil Carly: how he know i was alone & horny Carly: my parents have only gone to the shops its uncanny Ali: know your neighbours but bit stalkerish, pal Ali: i'll text him to fuck off, freak him out Ali: how does she know, ha, two can play this game fucko and I'm more committed Carly: ha Carly: you gotta Carly: hes smoking im gonna bum one see what line he tries to lay on before the text sends Ali: On it Ali: gotta let him know there's a queue to court the princess now and he's at the back, soz Carly: he likes hitting it from the back he wont be put off Carly: im gonna show him some of the hot pics i took of you tho Ali: when is he ever tbf? 🐶👅💦 Carly: true Carly: that fucking cute tho aren't i Ali: you know it babe Carly: hes talking to my da now Carly: kill me Ali: how fucking dare he Ali: knowing he has the upper hand with the man bants Ali: i know how to change a tire too! love me! Carly: if my ma invites him in for tea im out of here Carly: she will think hes hot under the collar for her & bitch thats my groundwork Ali: Run baby run Ali: what kinda moron is he tho Ali: coulda had a private show if you just waited, now its all saturday night telly and flat lager Carly: you kno i have nowhere to go if you dont want me babe Carly: facts Carly: he likes me now he cant have me what a fucking Carly: like i wouldve fucked you but im not getting w you Ali: i do, is this full sos crisis mode though? 'cos i need to be good for a lil while longer yet Ali: such a typical bloke move that Ali: bet he ain't the only boy in ur inbox, not a pun Ali: 'cos he ain't in mine like 🙄 Carly: its k your sister needs you Carly: i can keep walking Carly: loads of other lads on site as well as in my inbox Carly: & they arent trying to say hi to me before we get down to it nevermind my parents Ali: 😾 Carly: why so sad blue eyed boo Ali: i don't like how lads treat you Ali: i'm not jealous, like swear to god, even though i obviously want you all to myself, i get it Ali: but i'm not about how shit they are to you, even if you don't care, they should care to be decent humans Carly: thats not lads its everyone Carly: youre the only one treating me different Carly: they dont know how else to be Carly: made my bed babe Ali: nah Ali: you don't deserve half the shit you get, that's bullshit Ali: and even the rest, people just don't wanna try to understand or be good, heaven forfend they inconvineince themselves for one second, like Carly: if im a slag im a slag i dont get to put conditions on it Carly: if it was a film maybe Carly: but theres no romance coming my way from theres and i dont want it Ali: why can't you just be you? someone who likes fucking, among other things Ali: not romance just like...not being a cunt Ali: idk Ali: pisses me off Carly: cuz you don't run the world even tho you strut it like you do and i love it Ali: not yet, babe Ali: one day, and you can be my right hand woman Carly: yea? Carly: take me w you & ill take you to all your fave places k Ali: k Ali: we'll be fun forever, I promise you Carly: gotta be Ali: you know i like you even when you ain't tho Ali: don't tell Carly: who would i Carly: ronans got enough for his wank bank & nobody else is chatting to me rn Ali: exactly, ruins the illusion and fantasy when they realise i care about you Ali: so unsexy of me Carly: youre sexy to me Carly: idc what they think Ali: good Ali: me either Carly: i like you too you kno Ali: yeah Ali: i had my suspicions Carly: i dont have any subtlety sorry about it Ali: Don't be Ali: I love it Ali: not enough people say what they mean or want, ever Carly: waste Carly: k i wasnt shouting how bad i wanted to kiss you before i did but not cuz i was bothered about me Ali: agreed Ali: sometimes you can't know you want something until you've got it Ali: i get it Carly: you get me Carly: its weird Ali: 🔮 Carly: ha Carly: k what am i thinking now Ali: wouldn't be proper to say Ali: tut tut bad girl Ali: like how you think though Carly: fuck Carly: youre good Ali: 🤷 don't mean to brag but remember that phrase you'll be screaming it later Ali: such a Ronan line, I can't 😂 Carly: but true Carly: not like when he says it Ali: 😍 Carly: what you doing w your sister Carly: gotta live through that cuz bored Ali: Fixing my weave Ali: getting into a white girl dread territory over here Ali: then gonna do some 🔮 forreal Ali: get ready for me to be even more of a know it all baby Carly: cute Carly: tell me my future i got some shit from another neighbor & im waiting for it to kick Carly: hows it gonna treat me Carly: needing a good trip Ali: we'll see who gets the answer first Ali: you got anything for me? Carly: yea Carly: they mystery but i kno you arent scared Carly: & you got me doing a test run rn lying on here on the grass Ali: 🌌 be there before it fades away my space explorer Carly: if you find me at a bad end prob dont take it Ali: is one of the lads trip sitting you Carly: so he reckons but hes drinking so theres no trust Carly: & he gave me it Carly: his game could be me lights out idk Ali: keep texting me, okay babe? Ali: if shit gets too real, tell me and I'll come early Ali: my sis is cool now, she gets what we're doing, she was just confused Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Carly: you told her you like me Ali: 'course I did Ali: I ain't ashamed Ali: I'm proud Carly: youre gonna make me cry Ali: You're special, Carly Ali: You're gonna see Carly: I just wanna see you tho Ali: Me too Ali: I'm gonna make her some chamomile tea and then I'm coming, yeah? Carly: but thats not fair to her Carly: she's not gonna be a fan of me Ali: I've promised her more time tomorrow Ali: You need me rn Carly: but what if i want you to stay Carly: what are we gonna do then Ali: i'll stay until you're ready for me to go Carly: you mean that? Ali: yes Ali: promise, imma take care of you Carly: but theres nothing in it for you Carly: youve already got me you dont have to Ali: i wanna keep you Ali: and not just selfishly Ali: you gotta stick around, you're too cool to go anywhere, okay Carly: k Carly: im here & if you wanna be im not stopping you Ali: good Ali: i wanna be wherever you are Carly: i kept you pills back the lads didnt want me to but idc about them & you can follow me in now Ali: fuck them Ali: just me and you Carly: yea Carly: ill look after you too Ali: 😇 Ali: i know, i trust you Carly: idk if you should Carly: but i like it Ali: willing to take my chances Ali: you're worth it Carly: thats you Ali: i'm so glad i met you Carly: me too Carly: not that i met me thats weird Carly: you know what i mean Ali: i got you Ali: not high yet 😉 Carly: id seen you around before you guardian angel'd me that night Carly: thats weird too Carly: that i didnt see you how i do now Ali: it is Ali: you were always cute but Ali: idk, i can't claim to have seen this in my crystal ball Carly: thats cuz i wasnt cute i was a state Carly: & youd have more likely seen me sucking ronans dick Carly: look away babe you dont need to have that image in your mind Ali: don't need him reckoning he plays part in any of my fantasies, nah Ali: you can't not be cute, no matter how you try, soz babe Carly: you can't not be so sweet to me can you Ali: dunno Ali: not tried Carly: idk what id do if you did Carly: i got used to it Ali: got no plans to stop Ali: unless you ask me to, like Carly: thats not gonna be what i ask you to do Carly: trust me Ali: you can tell me all about it Ali: 5 minutes, tops Carly: okay

[bellamysgriffin]

dana watches lucifer (2x13)

let’s do this i’m prepared for death

I DON’T NEED THE PREVIOUSLY ON HONESTLY I HAVE BEEN THERE

pls don’t make me look at chloe bleeding again

HOW DID HE GET HER THE POISON

i’m already hyperventilating

“who dies first, dana or chloe” <-- my dad

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

this scene is so beautiful and sad and oh my god i can’t be actually like comprehensible rn

ELLA MY LOVE I LOVE HER SO MUCH

i love her so much i would die for her

“just make out already and get it over with” GOD ME

HIS SMILE BECAUSE HE’S SO HOPEFUL I- WOW

OH GOD CHLOE IS SO BLEAK I LVOE HER SO MUCH

amenadiel get OUT THEY’RE BUSY

oh he was invited

OH HE’S ON THE WALL WOW

OH GOD “RIP YOUR SPINE OUT AND BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH IT” wow he loves her that much i’m not surprised

i also love amenadiel though

“don’t you dare compare our situations” this scene is so intense i love it so much

“well my heart bleeds for you” i love lucifer

“then you can’t help her” HE LOOKS DEVASTATED I’M SO SCARED 

PLS STOP COUGHING CHLOE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THIS EPISODE IS TOO MUCH FOR ME I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

honestly, me as a prisoner

i literally don’t even remember him is this the guy freaked out

I LOVE CHLOE “that doesn’t really work for me”

it IS that guy

SHIT THIS IS SO BADASS

“you didn’t hurt him, did you” “physically no as a i promised” “too bad”

OH GOD

SOMEONE KILL ME PLEASE

I HATE THIS SHOW

AND MYSELF

AND CHLOE

AND LUCIEFR

AND COMMERCIAL BREAKS

okay i want a fic of lucifer bringing chloe to the hospital i want that

dan can you and lucifer like - um - like - switch places

oh thank god he left

“you look heaven sent” THAT HAS LIKE 3000 LAYERS TO IT

maze hasn’t been here yet and i am impatient

“my wife’s” “ex-wife” “ex-wife” HAHAHA

“if she’s anything like my ex i say let her die” THANK YOU FOR PUNCHING HIM IN THE FACE PLEASE

“so this isn’t some elaborate game of bloody possum” “of course not” “well in that case” I LOVE THIS SHOW

HOLY SHIT LUCIFER JUST GOES OFF

aw that is a sweet motive and i would like him if he wasn’t a dick

“really that’s it” i love you luci

this guy is a dope

charlotte go away i am so mad at you

he’s about to cry and so am i 

OH GOD SO THIS IS WHY THIS HAPPENS

“ALL I NEED TO DO IS DIE” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

maze is on screen :’)

LINDAAAAAAA

“what do you think” i mean.... she is the most important thinker

“celestial planning session” hahaha

linda is so short i love it

“quite frankly i prefer to uber there”

amenadiel pls pick lucifer

YES AMENADIEL BB I LOVE YOU

“this is the craziest plan i’ve ever heard i’m in”

“he’s the devil nothing’s really been sensible since i found that out”

I LOVE THIS SCENE

“now that the party pooper’s gone let’s get started shall we”

“okay who wants to kill me” MAZE AND AMENADIEL SLOWLY RAISE THEIR HANDS I LOVE IT

“the real reason amenadiel stayed” <-- my dad

OH MY GOD I’M CRYING THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

“i can’t do this” “neither can i these scrubs are so boxy even i can’t pull them off” um yeah you can maze

“you trust me with this” “why not” aw brother bonding

“LUCI” I LOVE THAT NICKNAME

i love you ella i love you

“you have illegal contacts?” “you don’t?” 

“not what i thought i would be doing today”

“WHY AM I DOING THIS AGAIN” i love linda so much

painkillers - a flask i love it

OH GOD I’M GONNA SCREAM

LITERALLY KILLS HIMSELF THAT’S SO LUCIFER

HE’S REALLY DEAD OH WOW

I’M SCARED

trixie my love

“like a guardian angel” 

honestly amenadiel + kids is so cute i want more

TRIXIE I’M GONNA CRY

THE TWITCH IN AMENADIEL’S JAW

“there might be bad ppl in the world, but you know what? there’s a lot more good in it”

“like you?” “i’m trying to be good” “i think ur good” this made me tear up i- what is this show it’s so important to me

LUCIFER HURRY OH MY GOD

THIS is his torture? wow

“it’s like i’m in hell” “there’s no like about it” 

“someone who i care about very much” - someone you love, maybe? maybe?????

i love seeing devil lucifer

OK BRING HIM BACK NOW PLS I’M READY FOR THIS TO END MY HEART IS BEATING

WHAT’S HAPPENING

WHAT IS THAT ROOM

“don’t go in there” <-- my dad WHY NOT

“you know why, is he guilty about anything” OH OH OH OHO OH MY DAD KNOWS THIS STUFF OH GOD 

OH GOD

OH GOD

OH GOD

OH GOD

OH GOD

I CAN’T DO ANYTHING

THIS IS TOO MUCH

OH GOD

THIS IS TOO MUCH

I WNATED HIM TO LOVE HIMSELF BUT NOT LIKE THIS

I’M SCREAMING LITERALLY

OH GOD PLEASE STOP 

“cat burglars? what are you an old-timey desperado” wow ella is great

ARE WE GONNA FIND OUT WHAT HE WHISPERED

“luci luci luci”

oh GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHAT AM I GONNA DO I CAN’T WATCH THIS

CHLOEOEEEEE

linda u would get into heaven

“there are things you don’t know about me” 

YES PLEASE SEND CHARLOTTE

DAMN MAZE YOU JUST KILLED HER

“maze” “oops”

amenadiel is standin his ground

“ella?” i love THIS

“meet ricardo my idiot brother” 

YES

“i hate you” he says smiling 

lucifer i am so sorry baby

i am literally shaking

TO SAVE THE DETECTIVE AND I NEED TO SAVE HER NOW

HE’S NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO GET HER TO GO

LUCIFER YOU JUST NEED TO GO OK

OH GOD THE MUSIC AND EVERYTHING

AMENADIEL DO NOT MOVE

LUCIFER WAKE UP

MAZE DON’T CRY

I JUST THOUGHT OF TOM ELLIS’ INSTAGRAM VIDEO

YES HE’S AWAKE PLEASE TELL ME IT WILL WORK OUT OK PLEASE PROMISE ME IT WILL

MAZE’S FACE

OH THEY SAVED CHARLOTTE TOO YES

OH GOD THIS IS GREAT

PLEASE BE ABLE TO FIX THIS

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WHERE IS DAN AND ELLA

OH MY GOD YES OH MY GOD THANK YOU

THAT MAKES ONE OF US HAHA 

I’M HAPPY

I CAN’T TURN CAPS LOCK OFF SORRY

“should we just pick up where we left off” YES

YES YOU SHOULD

“we’ll talk later, yeah?” YEAH

WHY DOES HIS FACE LOOK LIKE THAT

WHAT IS HAPPENING

OH LUCIFER ARE YOU STILL HUNG UP ON THAT STOP

SHE’S REAL OK

“AT LEAST HE DOESN’T PRETEND TO LOVE ME” OH GOD

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY DONE

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

I’M GONNA CRY

VOICEMAIL 337 THAT’S SO CUTE 

I’M SCARED RIGHT NOW I GENUINELY AM

WHAT’S SHE GONNA FIND

IS HE GONNA BE DEAD OR SOMETHING

IS HE GONNA BE THE DEVIL

HE’S GONE OH GOD NO

NO 

NO

NO

SHE’S SAYING HIS NAME WITH TEARS IN HER EYES

MAY????

“I DID THIS” YEAH YOU DID CHARLOTTE

OH GOD I’M NOT EVEN ALIVE RIP ME

[izzpeng]

Unsent Emails

25/08/2016

To: julian.smith@jus.edu.bn

Subject: Surprise bitch, I'm back!

Dear Smithy,

First of all I would like to say, fuck you for telling me I wouldn't get an A* in maths just because I messed around in class too much. Second of all, I would like to thank you for being a fraction of motivation in my math studies. I have to admit, I liked you enough to study 10% harder than I usually do and for that you deserve a blog post dedicated to you, just kidding you worthless piece of shit who wont even dedicate your thoughts to me. But it's too late now, so you're very fortunate for even being mentioned in my oh so popular blog.

Thanks for being a great teacher/supporter/motivator/useless advisor/racist bastard/...friend. See you in the afterlife you dick.

With cold fury,

Izzati Azhan

To: roland.lopez@jis.edu.bn

Subject: God Bless the Lopez

Dear Lopezo Mighty,

You don't deserve a 'fuck you' because you knew my potential and only encouraged me day after day, with your sadistic humour and the quiet blazing fire dancing in your eyes which was the only sign that you're actually human. I'd express my gratitude in a 10,000 word essay but I'm sure you'll just read the introduction and conclusion and base my grade off those two paragraphs. But without your life coaching I would not have gotten A*A* for both my Eng Lit and Lang. Dare I say it, thank you for setting us a Date Wiv Des Tinny, those practice papers were torture each week but well worth it in the end. You are my spirit animal in all dimensions, maybe except in Hell where you'd be Satan but...

Stay Healthy Senôr!

With all my love (though you believe it is just another concept of convenience),

Izzati Azhan

To: beenal.roberts@jus.edu.bn

Subject: bust out the roti, girl its about to get some of this izzatikkamasala

Dear Beenal the Brindian,

I know I know, this time its a fuck me for getting an A and not an A* but Miss I was 3 marks of an A* if that makes you feel any better, it does with me! I actually don't feel that thankful towards you since I do feel I did hm... mostly all the work, I took the exam after all. But an email of gratitude to show manners and my kissing ass abilities can't hurt can it? So terima kasih for all the lessons you spent dramatically telling us your stories, sometimes even twice of the same one, thanks for letting me doodle in class just because you talk a lot of the time and therefore I am allowed to half listen. I wouldn't be the indian food loving person I am today without you, oh and almost forgot... of course thanks for helping me achieve that almost A*! Fuck the examiner for me next time will ya.

With all my beloved assets,

Izzati Azhan

To: andy.mcculloch@jus.edu.bn

Subject: smile at me wit ur eyes, nat yo mouth only

Dear Turquoise Eyes,

I'd like to get to know the 16 yr old you but my chance has passed. Inappropriate flirting aside, guess what sir! I got exactly what I got in the most recent geo mocks 149/180 and I thought the mocks weren't an accurate indication. I'd like to thank you for having beautiful eyes and smiling at me even though on the inside you be like "lol fucktard thats the most incorrect answer ever, like not even close." I enjoyed your classes and you're sometimes funny but not on purpose, more like weird funny yknow? I think you'd like to get credit for my success but honestly i learnt how to answer case studies properly through Ajmal through Mr Cook, so who is really my teacher here? Me. Because I taught myself to sought answers and techniques elsewhere but sure I guess you can have some credit, those eyes deserve at least a generous 5%. lol ok bye tq

With a 9 on the Ritcher Scale,

Izzati Azhan,

You guessed it, the wait is over! #gcseresults2016 was trending on twitter and the sounds of 16yr olds packing their bags, getting ready to get disowned by their parents was the most honest and lit af song this year (after Frank Ocean's Blond of course). I admit its always nerve-wracking receiving results, where a single exam determines your ability to understand (or memorise) a two year course. But I had faith that with my prayers and hard work Allah gave me the results I truly deserved, so presumably my anxiety was on the down low while my trust in God was at sky high.

Alhamdulillah I got 3A's 6A*, I was so confident I would smash an A* with Business and Art but alas the grade boundaries proved me otherwise. With three fucking marks off an A* in Business I was so irritated at which examiner marked my paper, not irritated to risk a request for a remarking though. And Art, I hoped for an A*  but instead faced it's less prestigious sibling, an A. I asked around of course, not trying to compare or anything but I just needed to know what the students who I thought was for sure going to get A* actually got, to my delightful (?) surprise they too got an A which led me to believe that scoring an A* in Art is no easy business. Business isn't easy either lmao.

To this, I must admit defeat to my mother. She's been on my back for my choice of Art as an A-level subject saying its hard to score high in Art, but my cocky ass just waved it away and dismissed it altogether. Doubt has risen up in my throat, threatening my artistic capabilities to spill out across the walls of abandoned buildings as grafitti instead of street art. So thats something to think about before Saturday Morning.

UPDATE:

I attended Enrollment day alone, my heart beating, my eyes watering and my mind wandering. I chose to do IB diploma, for many reasons. I am just so drawn to how different it is, I think of all the future local Bruneians who did A-levels asking for the sam scholarship then I imagine the MoE going through the applications like "Great a-levels, a-levels, a-levels Oooo IB whats this?" and I just feel like I would have a standing chance you know? It would also help me to mix around with more international students and prepare for the university life so when I do go to university Insyallah I wont feel vulnerable and small.

But I just feel like my mother is against me taking IB, like she's trying to be supportive by giving a tight smile and grim nods but inside I know she's not convinced and this all happened on the way to the Arts Centre which made me even feel more queasy. My Father on the other hand, gave me a genuine "Go for it" which helped me so much on every level, I just need the motivation, just that little push to help me get going, feed me a trickle more of confidence.

So I had a choice to approach either Duckling or Dickinson on my IB subjects, and okay Dickinson was full okay there was a long queue and I ended up going to Duckling because I really had no choice! hehehhehhehehhe. Anyway I waved the papers in my hand high above to indicate that I was next and he laughed and told me to come and sit, so naturally I did. He took a look at my grades and praised me and then circled my subjects that I intend on studying, giving me advice that I should only need Math Studies seeing as how I'm not thinking of a mathematical kind of career. He then said " blablablabla Youre subjects are a smart choice, I think you're good to go, Welcome to the IB program"

And that was the clarity I was searching for, that little- push.

NOT JUST BCS HE'S HIM BUT BCS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT.

Just before that, Brindian approached me asking me  about my business results and encouraging me to take that remark because I was three marks off an A* saying that theres no reason I dont deserve the A*. I was uncertain because sure it makes me feel so fucking good about myself and so very satisfied, but who really needs an A* in GCSE Business to get accepted into a University? So I made a face. The face. and She went "What do you have to lose?" And of course one thing instantly came to mind "Um money?" then she gave me a look. The look. So I said I'll think about it and apparently only 1 or 2 students got A*. The thing is I actually would get it remarked if my Art grade also got bumped up to an A* but I have no idea what Ms Stroud is trying to do by contacting the exam board?

So thats that, she asked me about my ever so popular brother. So I told him oh he did well, she asked about which university and I replied Leicester and I told her that Im actually going off and missing 3 weeks of school. Then she went "oh you know Leicester's my hometown, in what area is he living because Im there in December" and i was like wtf creepy. And she continued saying "Oh Imagine if we just bumped into each other on the streets" and I was going to say something awkward because like what the fuck right? But Mr Duckling was open and ultimately saved me and she gestured me to go ahead.

After that, Mr mcluck approached me well not really, well kind of but it was super fucking awkward because I was waiting for my turn with Mrs Krüger and he was on the table nearby and made eye contact and he smiled and I returned it and i was like fuck am i suppose to go over lmao so i slowly sat down while he came over to me. YAKNOW gotta play hard to get. SO again he asked me are you happy with you results blablablabla were you nervous getting your results so I told him that I wasnt as nervous because other people were like "oh my life is over" and he laughed and blablablabla just mostly nodding and smiling. Then he asked me about my brother's results hi ok 2nd teacher to ask about my brother cool. I gave him a vague oh he did well and told him Leicester University on 18th September and I added that I was actually going to send him off and missing 3 weeks of school. Blablbalbalbalabl then he finally asked about IB saying that oh great choice.

And Wendy told me that at the YC Mcluck was talking about me to wendy asking me what I got and he saying that i Was exceptional kekekekkekekekk fuck man his eyes are so blue, dont think about it dont think about. Did i tell you I had a dream of him as Ben Affleck like wtf, first of all why would I even dream about him, maybe it was because I crossed his mind like just the night before omg. but whatever. Idk that made me feel so good about myself. Then Brindian thought that Fatin was Hana and approached Fatin and Wendy haahhahahahah and somehow started talking about me?? Like boi they both love me so much, I wonder if Lopez or Julibear bear talks about me like that. Sigh imagine

Smithy: Shes a fucking pain in the ass

Lupez: Intelligent fucking pain alright

Smithy and Lupez: But she's our pain in the ass.

OMGGGGGGGGG I loved all my GCSE teachers and classes! like those were the best days of my JIS experience so far. Art was super chill, she let us sing out loud together saying that we were the only class who did that and that she'll miss us :(((((((( Smithy couldnt care less, he just moved on click like that. Anyway, hope everyone got what they expected with their results or better and just remember kids, grades DO define who are and where you'll be in life. lol goodluck fam.

Izzati

[onlyaburrito]

This is the longest dream of my life sorry

I got on a train idk where I was going but I was excited about it. I ended up making a friends with a couple other passengers bc there were only about 10 people on the train and they were all around my age. At one point I did something that upset one of them (I can’t remember what it was) and even though I apologized they were super mad. After a while of chilling with my new pals, one of their boyfriends comes up to me (his name was AXEL CAN U BELIEVE THAT) and he starts yelling at me and swinging fists. My friends were shocked and just stood around for a lil bit before intervening. Bc of that incident half of the passengers were in a different area from me and my friends, except for the gf of axel but I understood her reasoning. The train stopped right outside of a town, not at a station, and hysteria took over the minds of the passengers as they were convinced BY THAT DOUCHEBAG AXEL that there was a virus loose in the city that turns people into insects. My first reaction was to play along with it for a bit, but soon realized that it needs to stop before it gets out of control. But, Being someone that has ‘wronged two members of the group,’ no one believed me that it was bullshit. Everyone grabbed weapons, mostly old pipes and broomsticks, and created little hideout rooms on the train to sleep in. I just stayed in a seating area with a pipe below one of the seats in case one of the others tried to attack me. Axel and his lady, having shown testosterone filled angry dominance and control over the situation, took a full room and built a full size bed inside. They had little lights strung up the walls and it actually looked pretty cool. The other /less important/ passengers built their bunks similarly to mine except most had overhead protection made of wood, blankets, or some other material that shouldn’t be on a train but is anyway. Hours after building preparing ourselves for our new life on the train, I pull out a small camera to document whatever was about to go down. You know, for security and artistic purposes. Whatever. Later we we’re in a l conference area and axel was at the front going over plans of attack if someone infected boards the train, supply collection, and ground rules about entering his cabin. The kid couldn’t have been older than 22 years old and acted as if he had been in the army since birth. He was scary. I was terrified of him and he already didn’t like me, and I wasn’t even sure why. When it came time to go out and get supplies I was left in the train bc axel didn’t trust me to not run off and do something stupid. And also bc i have 0 upper body strength and if something went wrong I’d just end up being dead weight. He had a point there. So I was left on the train with about 5 other people, including his gf. I kept forgetting her name at the time but I’m p sure her name is asia. She was a smallish girl with blue hair and glasses. The looks of a girl that loves tumblr but the personality of someone that spends too much time outside. Among the others were nameless individuals with very different personalities and styles. Who could forget Terrified Ginger Kid, Smarty Pants Glasses Girl, Alternative Rock Punk Chick, and Axels Leftover Henchman With No Social Skills At All. A good bunch of kids. While the ground team was out robbing a Costco I decided there was no better time than now to do a lil bit of interviewing with the passengers. You know, for my art project. I asked them how they were doing, if they were armed, and if they actually believe they’re in danger of being attacked by an undead insect person. They all seemed pretty scared and ill prepared for any fighting. I stated to think maybe I was the crazy one, and society had actually fallen and we were some of the lucky few to have been contained in travel at the time. Axel and his bad boys arrived back at the train with a bunch of useless college boy supplies. You got ur beer and chips and shit like that. Stuff that wouldn’t be that much of use if we were on the brink of death, as he says we are. — Days had passed and we were still on this train. Having no power sources we all had to turn off all our electronics to save them for an opportunity to make contact with someone for help. We sat in a dark conference room all day barely talking to each other. Axel walked out of his room carrying a golden pipe that he claimed was his staff. He walked over to me and hit me in the neck. I was just like “what the FUCK” and he said “stay away from Asia. I don’t want you messing around with her.” I responded “me messing around with ur girl should be the least of your problems right now, considering the situation were in.” He lunged at me one last time then backed off. I left the room and documented what had just happened. You know, to use against him in a Court Of Law bc he’s crazy and holding me and everyone else in a train against our will. Where was the conductor even at? Did they just disappear? Who cares at this point. Everyone in the group was afraid to talk to me now, except for Asia. God knows why she would still talk to me. Scared ginger boy was especially afraid, leaving the room each time I’d enter. Really broke my heart. I love scared ginger boys. —– The next day Smart Glasses Girl was missing. This was troubling bc she was one of the few people aboard the train that I saw as at least moderately sane. No one seemed to notice though, she was just a nameless background character in our story. I documented her disappearance and grabbed a few stashed electronics to try and contact her. After a few failed attempts contact was made and I finally found out for sure that the virus wasn’t real, and axel was essentially kidnapping us all to start some kind of post-apocalyptic-with-no-apocalypse- society. I had to get out. I assume the people that went with axel to gather supplies are either too stupid to realize nothing was happening, or were in on it from the start. That doesn’t explain the disappearance of the conductor, unless he’s in on it too. In that case this is some kind of conspiracy and someone in my half of the group is wanted by /someone/. But which one of us? And by who are they wanted? I couldn’t leave until I figured it out. My security art project depends on it. A story with no ending is useless. I asked Glasses Girl to do some research on every passenger for me and apologized for her not having a name. She said it was ok and started doing her research and said she should be ready with the information by the next morning. I deleted everything we had said to each other after documenting it, and turned off the phone I was using and put it back where I found it. —– Axel walked into the conference room holding his staff and said that a few people had gone missing. He only noticed because they were His people that followed him blindly. Having no other choice, he told Scared Ginger Boy to stay with Asia as the rest of us went out for supplies. He said he wanted someone a little more capable of defending themselves and others to protect his precious lady, but he wouldn’t Dare leave her alone with me. I have no idea why he was convinced something was going on between us, we were just pals and I have respect for relationships, even if I hate their partner. Having the revelation of how abusive he must be to her shocked me. I couldn’t believe I didn’t see it sooner. He treated her as a trophy instead of a human being. —– Once we got out of the train, Axel developed a bad Australian accent and told us to follow him closely. I of course, documented the excursion. Because if I died during all this I want some found footage movie to be made in my honor. And to show how crazy this dude is. We walked through what appeared to be an abandoned town and found a house with no one inside. I stayed outside to 'keep watch’ as the others went in and grabbed stuff. I felt ok with this bc I technically wasn’t robbing someone’s house, only standing outside and recording the crime through the windows. That made it ok. After a little while they all ran out of the house screaming. Apparently they spotted a roach on the floor and risked coming in contact with the virus. How did he convince these people of this? WHERE is the conductor? —– When we arrived back at our train commune, Ginger Boy was nowhere to be found. Asia said he had freaked out and ran outside. As some of the others looked for him, I got the phone I’d used the day before to contact Smarty Pants. She said she didn’t find anything of interest on anyone. As I was about to send her another message, axel walked in and grabbed the phone and smashed it with his pipe. What a dickhead. He told me to go back to the conference room or he’d smash my face in next. Nice! —– In the days that followed, more and more people went missing. It got down to just four people. Axel, Asia, me, and a kid with terrifying eyes. I think his name started with an S? Salamander? Idk but that’s good enough. Scary eyed Salamander boy had something off about him. Some kind of bad vibe. The type of kid to beat someone up for looking at him wrong. The type of kid to blindly follow orders. The perfect army recruit. Axel walked into the room, wielding his staff as usual, and sat down. Just then, we heard voices outside the train. He jumped up and told us all to hide and that he’d handle whatever it was. He opened the train door and someone yelled “hey!” He closed the door and ran back to where we all were hiding and told us to grab weapons. The voice could still be heard outside asking “What are you doing in there? How long has this train been sitting here? Do you need help?” The door opened and the guy walked in. Axel ran right at him and hit him in the head with his precious pipe and the dude fell to the floor unconscious. Nice! —– I decided that this had gone on long enough. Not only had this kid held us in here, but he also assaulted and essentially kidnapped this other dude too. He was tied up in a storage room. It was night time and the others were sleeping so I decided to go let him out and leave the train. I approached the door and prepared the makeshift knife to release him. Just then axel and lil salamander ran up to me and started beating me with pipes. Then I woke up the end