#but also i dont wanna give MYSELF too much credit when i dont feel ive done the heavy lifting yknow what i mean? 😭

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hi, im a mutual of yours who is too shy/on&off tumblr to interact, but i do look up to you; and your blog and way of seeing things helped me in the past when i was struggling quite a bit.

Lately I feel as if im lost in life, lost my passions and floating aimlessly without a real goal, detached from the future etc. Do you have any advice? I appreciate ur view on things, hope this isnt overstepping 🌦🌈

hi its ok no pressure too interact w me ona personal level just cus were mutuals i enjoy the ambient bonds that can form on this website its why i stay ^^ and no it's not overstepping at a;ll sorry it took me a lil while to respond i was trying to think of good advice since i often feel lost too---

well firs t n foremost to give credit where credit is due, this bjork reddit AMA response really gets to the bottom of it , ever since i first read this here on tumbr a few years ago it really rly stuck w me:

the way this answer helped me is like, it helped me realize i dont need to be so regimented i dont need to put all this pressure on myself to create..All that does is feed into self inflicted guilt when i cant live up to my own expectations u.u you see for my whole life i've never been able to plan anything. yes i can think about the next steps i want to take, i can assemble a plan, i can see the logical way forward, but my moods. or like, idek. how to explain..

i cant force anything. if im not feeling it, i cant force it. ive STRUGGLED w this like i dont wanna be this way. because my feelings i cant predict. like for example i worked on music all winter because thats what i was feeling. then suddenly in march i just like, wasnt feeling it all of a sudden. As soon as it hit me i was like Fy767*T&UG*** because i didnt know when it was gonna come back. i still dont know!! im just trying to be patient waiting it out..in the mean time i have suddenly become enthused with drawing again after not ~feeling~ drawing for most of 2023. sometimes i go for weeks where i dont take a single photo and then suddenly it starts flowing again.. my website was also left untouched for most of 2023 until recently.

thats just one example of this repeating pattern in my life that i didnt understand for so long. theres years of my 20s where i couldnt feel passion for anything at all, looking back now i believe those times i was meant to be focusing on stuff in my psyche that needed healing to clear out some headspace for art. and this bjork quote put a lot into perspective it showed me how to reformulate my thinking to be more accomodating to my disposition. when i'm patient & kind w myself, take each day as it comes, let go of the imaginary pressure, let go of "the future", stuff starts to come thru easier.

and maube its gonna show up in ways you dont expect but its true that the mundane world offers so many ways to practice being creative & giving u stuff to weave into the art u want to create.. every water fall starts w a single drop its trueits true :] thats my advice i spose i really didnt meant to write this much but im boooored.. actually my nighttime boredom writing is one of those habits i never considered to b creative until very recently. there's so many small & automatic things we do that can lead to a meaningful life & purpose.

thanks for the question anon i hope this helps in some way , this is whats helped me but everyone's process is different. and i still have moments where im like WTFFF is happening but its easier to ride it out now. i wish the same for you just give it time <3 thanks again xPmd9

[sojutrait]

thank you so much!!! 😭💓💓💓hope u feel better omg fuck the plague

i just simply started making sims kdjfkdk

I DO im so happy season 2 has started it reminds me sm of old school sims 4 lets plays with storylines and such UGHHH im so glad that style is making a resurgence

thank u!! again im so unhelpful when it comes to advice on making sims bc i really jus Go for it 😭 i dont really have a different approach when it comes to making masc frame sims either

probably not bc its such a small action (like theres only 2 or 3 steps iirc) it just wouldnt be worth the hassle and i dont think that many ppl would find any use out of it😭😭

well,,,, tis the season 🤔

i highly doubt it dkfdkkd

i didnt its from the gallery! i just decked out the inside

ahhh i play on desktop but theres 3 and 4 columns for different screen sizes u can read more about it on the actual mod page iirc

my defaults should be good but my mods arent but i cba to update them rn 😭

( @simarcana ) TYYYYYYY she really is, i just wanna spin her around in cas all day and gawk dkfndk

my only tip would be dont dress them in clothes only if u would wear it/its your style. more so let it be a reflection of their character and their own fashion sense. theres alot of my sims id never dress like djfdkfkd but i know its something they would like !

NOW- DIFJDIFJDK me and nia orphyd have written many dissertations about... That aspect of dante's life but i will not confirm nor deny if that was included

im drawing up blanks too rn 😭😭😭 id suggest if u already know like the ethnicity of ur founder sim to just google last names from that culture and go from there, thats what i usually do dfjkd

10!

thank u omg but no i would feel bad if anyone gave me their money esp considering my tendency to like.. dip for weeks at a time DFKDJK also love u tumblr but i absolutely do not trust u with my credit card information

strip naked/bald, facial features, skin details, hair, clothes, repeat any steps if i dont like what i picked initially

( @thatoneplumbob ) no thank u for enjoying them !!! 💓💓💓😭😭

thats an easy one i dont JFKDJFK thats all neighborhood stories and mcc, i would simply die if i had to do all that myself 😭😭😭 i just pop in and give them quick makeovers

( @cutie-with-glasses-blog ) thank u so much !!! u have a great day as well 💓💓💓😌

i havent, im not a big marvel movie fan 😭😭 BUTTTTT i have seen edits and fancams of shuris actress and i agree i would also sell my kidneys and yours for her, shes so fine

( @wildsangria ) THE WAY I ALREADY FORGOT THIS DISCOURSE HAPPENEDDHFDJHDJ ugh throwback to when i gatekept the decades old tabletop rpg game dungeons and dragons

ive been staring at this in my inbox for almost a month and it never fails to make me laugh yet also feel horrified great job you two

WELL GOOD NEWS I DID and ive only made one hs so far!! buttttt it was before hsy so it doesnt work with the pack 😭😭 ill prob make one for hsy eventually bc as much as i hate building im also drawn to it like a moth to flame

thank u!! but ahhh no i havent been having any problems with uni

thank u, i hope ur having a great day too! tbh its not like something i put like... effort into if that makes sense KJDSK like for my gameplay sims no matter how casual i try to make it i inevitably start adding unnecessary depth into them 😭😭 like ill just be cleaning my house and think hmmm this sim hates this food or once had this happen to them, so pretty much the same approach i do to my ocs!

I ACTUALLY RECORDED A VIDEO i just gotta grow some bawlz and upload it 😭😭 its just a quick cas vid for a sim i wanna do gameplay with on there but im still peeing in nervousness

TYYYY i am doing well i rlly am 😌😌 im on winterbreak so YIPEEEE hope ur both doing well too!

[rise-my-angel]

Generally speaking, the sort of behaviour you faced in the Pedro fandom was unacceptable by all standards. No community should be like that. It is straight up bullying and highschool level behaviour when the majority can't accept hearing one person's opinion.

I have to say, personally, your contribution to the fandom with HotGW has been wonderful. You are incredibly talented and your opinions really open up thoughtful discussions that otherwise would have gone unheard of.

Like without your self expression, I would not have noticed the problems with Ygrette or other female characters that shall not be named. But now that it's brought up, it's really helped me be more critical about victims in media, especially men who often get overlooked because they're men.

What I'm trying to say is that your blog has opened up a little pocket community that I haven't seen the likes of for a while within fandom, and I really look forward to seeing more of your writing

threesome smut or not lol.

I truly love discussing things like that in this series, theres so much going on. It's such a rich story with rich characters but a lot of discussions go in circles and I just like expressing where and why my stances may differentiate from the majority here.

Especially because I am a rarity in that I am a book fan who defends the show (generally), I try to approach things in a unqiue way. And posting hotgw has been a massive help in my confidence to do so.

If I can post 50 chapters of slop, then I can also post my opinions and explorations without being too scared of being oscarsized again. And thats what I want for others, just a space where people can talk and see different ways of thinking not always the most standard or popular opinion of the series and see where it leads us.

Its still a shame my time in the Pedro fandom was so soured by the end, but I am happier and have more fun here. I feel like even if my opinions and fics are garbage, I at least have a voice and I like sharing my voice with othet people like me who aren't necessarily the big popular blogs.

I just yearned for a fandom that I could have fun in again and the kinda of people and anons Ive interacted with since posting hotgw (which really me posting chapter 1 was my introduction into the fandom) have been the most like a member of a fandom Ive actually felt. Even if i am a big dumb clown with a stupidly long fic.

I don't wanna give myself too much credit at all, I just finally have fun on here again and can only hope I share that energy with others enough that anyone else who may have had experiences like me, can find something in thia fandom or others dont feel so isolated in anymore.

[h0neyy-bee]

another day to give the haikyuu characters instruments because I want to

sincerely, a high school senior band kid

part 2: nekoma

[pt. 1: karasuno]

Kuroo: Trombone

mans is long so he needs a long instrument. literally cannot think if any other instrument for this man trust me ive thought way too hard about this but i am not mad cuz trombone is arguably the instrument with the biggest dick energy and i do not take criticism plus i can see him being an absolute god at the trombone like straight up trombone 1 and gets all the solos and is in jazz band and everything holy shit i can also see him doing this with bokuto or forced kenma to do it with him

Kenma: Alto Sax

from experience, the sax section consists of people who try too hard and people who literally dont give a shit and there's no in between. obv the latter is kenma. first of all, he most likely joined band cuz of kuroo and stayed to get that fine arts AND PE credit doesnt want to do actual PE or do any sports to get his credit so he felt like staying in band is more convenient and "less work." secondly, he chose the instrument cuz i feel like he wouldnt like anything that stands out too much (and definitely took full advantage of the neckstrap that comes with it so its not too much weight for him to carry) but kenma is actually surprisingly really good and the director feels like hes too much wasted potential every time kenma turns down a solo opportunity. kuroo also tried to get him to join jazz band with him but he obv turned that down too cuz he felt like the director is gonna "pick on him again"

Lev: Trumpet

ok, i originally had lev written down for bari sax. however, he reminded me too much of this one trumpet player i once knew and i can no longer see him playing anything else. him with his "im gonna be nekoma's ace" attitude gave me an idea that hes one of those people who tells others he got 1st trumpet when in reality all the trumpets have the same part with very tiny sections in their music that have those higher and lower octaves written in HAHAHA he even got assigned to the lower octave but he doesn't wanna admit that LMAOABFJANSK dw i love him tho so this is out of love abfjalk. also this was kinda hard for me to pick cuz he would vibe with both the sax and brass section so it can go either way, but trumpet just slightly made more sense lol

Yamamoto: Trumpet

tanaka in a different font. i feel like there's no need to explain this one

Yaku: Clarinet

again. as a clarinet player, i have no idea how to explain myself one this one LOL something about him radiates clarinet that nobody other than myself and other clarinet players can understand.

Inuoka: Mellophone/French Horn

i love this boy. hes so cute. he was a good tie between trumpet and mellophone. but i leaned more towards mellophone solely because he reminds me of this french horn player who i met 2 years ago i know too many people lmao but honestly same with lev, inuoka works for both mello and trumpet so it can also go either way. i just know hes definitely a high brass player.

Kai: Mellophone/French Horn

another mellophone. again from experience, french horn players are some of my favorite people ever. they are so cute. oml. i never had any problems with any mellophone player in my past 7 years. thats kai. literally unproblematic. unbothered. genuinely talented king.

Fukunaga: Trombone

mans is full of jokes. trombones are some of the goofiest people ever. i can imagine him and kuroo making car noises in the band hall and compete on who can do it the loudest definitely have seen it before

[mrfutureboy]

I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊

Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3

Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂

Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.

Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓

Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.

So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)

(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)

I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)

Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)

So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr

[dear-yandere]

—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!! 

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich​: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian. 

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe​, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two:  hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

[demonictransformation]

300 followers prompt event!

Hi hi! Candy here again. Thank you so much for 300 followers! Ive been having so much fun writing for kny and I really love reading your comments and reblogs. I wanted to do a lil somethin something to celebrate so I’m taking short drabble requests! In this occasion we’ll be using this prompt list, feel free to mix and match to your heart’s contempt! Youre also allowed to send in as many as you’d like, just let me know the number, and character you’d like; additional info is not only accepted but encouraged.

I do not own the prompts, I found them here on tumblr but the original post is no longer available, and I’m just copying and pasting them here to make the requesting process easier for my lovely lovely readers. Credits go to whoever wrote these!

Angst:

1: “ Give me a chance. ” 2: “ Not you again.. ” 3: “ Leave me alone. ” 4: “ I don’t love you anymore. ” 5: “ Why do you hate me? ” 6: “ I lost the baby. ” 7: “ I thought you loved me. ” 8: “ I don’t need you anymore. ” 9:“ I can’t believe you! ” 10: “ We cant keep this up forever. ” 11: “ You’re a monster. ” 12: “ I hate you. ” 13: “ Don’t leave me… ” 14: “ You’re a disappointment. ” 15: “ Don’t die on me– Please. ” 16: “ I never meant to hurt you. ” 17: “ Are you upset with me? ” 18: “ I wish i’d never met you. ” 19: “ I’m going to kill you! ” 20: “ Please don’t hurt me like this. ” 21: “ Thanks for nothing. ” 22: “ Dont call this number again. “ 23: “ Why did you spare me? ” 24: “ You need to leave. ” 25: “ I’m sick. ” 26: “ I’m dying. ” 27: “ I wish i’d never met you. ” 28: “ I thought we were family!” 29: “ There was never an us. ” 30: “ So that’s it? It’s over? ” 31: “ I fucked up. ” 32: “ I came to say goodbye. ” 33:“ He’s dead because of you. ” 34: “ I don’t deserve to be loved. ” 35: “ About the baby… Its yours. ”

Love:

36: “ I’m so in love with you. ” 37: “ Dance with me! ” 38: “ Isn’t this amazing? ” 39: “ I wish we could stay like this forever. ” 40: “ Will you marry me? ” 41: “ I’m pregnant. ” 42: “ I need a hug. ” 43: “ You’re special to me. ” 44: “ I’m going to keep you safe. ” 45: “ Do you trust me? ” 46: “ Can I kiss you right now? ” 47: “ You’re cute when you’re angry. ” 48: “ I’ve liked you for awhile now. ” 49: “ Lets have a baby. ” 50: “ We’d make such a cute couple. ” 51: “ I want to take care of you. ” 52: “ Can we cuddle? ” 53: “ It’s lonely here without you. ” 54: “ I can’t stand the thought of loosing you. ” 55: “ Shut up and kiss me already. ” 56: “ Are you flirting with me? ” 57: “ Is that my shirt? ” 58: “ How did we get here? ” 59: “ You own my heart. ” 60: “ You’d be a great dad. ” 61: “ You’d be a great mom. ” 62: “ I want to protect you. ” 63: “ Whats the matter? ” 64: “ You’re so beautiful. ” 65: “ Did you do something different with your hair? ” 66: “ Is that a new perfume? ” 67: “ Stop being so cute. ” 68: “ You’re making me blush! ” 69: “ You’re teasing me again… ” 70: “ This is why I fell in love with you. ” 71: “ You’re the best! ” 72: “ They’re going to love you, don’t worry! ” 73: “ Oh, Are you ticklish? ” 74: “ Of course I remembered! ” 75: “ You’re one hell of a girl. ” 76: “ You’re one hell of a guy. ” 77: “ Are you jealous? ” 78: “ Hold me and never let me go. ” 79: “ Stop hogging all the blankets! ” 80: “ Lets run away together. ”

General:

90: “ Catch me if you can! ” 91: “ I’m fine. ” 92: “ Are you drunk? ” 93: “ Are you high? ” 94: “ We cant go in there… ” 95: “ Give it back! ” 96: “ Well this is just great. ” 97: “ Don’t touch me. ” 98: “ Not sure if you could tell, but I’m not exactly a people person. ” 99: “ This was fun— Lets do it again sometime!” 100: “ I didn’t do it! ” 101: “ I did it… ” 102: “ I don’t remember that! ” 103: “ Well that’s pretty rude of you to say. ” 104: “ Get that thing away from me! ” 105: “ You owe me. ” 106: “ Do you believe in aliens? ” 107: “ Do you believe in ghosts? ” 108: “ Are you hitting on me? ” 109: “ Why are you naked? ” 110: “ You did what?! ” 111: “ You have… Superpowers? ” 112: “ Why are you bleeding? ” 113: “ Where did all these puppies come from?” 114: “ Don’t make me come over there myself! ” 115: “ That wasn’t funny. ” 116: “ This tastes horrible. ” 117: “ This is delicious! ” 118: “ Are you mad at me? ” 119: “ Stop ignoring me… ” 120: “ I love that show too! ” 121: “ Can I borrow that book of yours?” 122: “ Lets blow this joint. ” 123: “ Let me help you with that. ” 124: “ Take that back! ” 125: “ Wanna go see a movie with me? ” 126: “ No way, that’s so lame. ” 127: “ What are you listening to? ” 128: “ I brought you your coffee. ” 129: “ Don’t fuck this up. ” 130: “ Run! ” 131: “ Lets run away together. ” 132: “ I haven’t slept in four days… ” 133: “ Your turn to do the dishes. ” 134: “ Was I really that drunk? ” 135: “ Was I really that stoned? ” 136: “Give me back my phone! ” 137: “ You’re an asshole. ” 138: “ Are you cold? ” 139: “ This place gives me the creeps. ” 140: “ I swear my house is haunted. ” 141: “ Did you hear that? ” 142: “ It’s just your imagination. ” 143: “ Just how stupid do you think I am? ” 144: “ Stop being such a baby. ” 145: “ Go back to bed. ” 146: “ Are you okay? ” 147: “ I can take care of myself just fine.” 148: “ Thanks for helping me back there. ” 149: “ Since when have we ever been friends? ” 150: “ What on earth are you wearing? ” 151: “ I can’t feel my legs! ” 152: “ Stop texting me weird stuff so late at night. ” 153: “ Put me down! ” 154: “ There’s only one bed… ” 155: “ It isn’t what it looks like! Okay.. Maybe it is… ” 156: “ How did I loose it? ” 157: “ I read your diary. ” 158: “ This is awkward. ” 159: “ Didn’t you read the sign? ” 160: “ Do you think you can teach me that? ”

Below is NSFW prompts. Please if you’re rebloggling tell your followers if you’re interested or not in taking these sorts of requests.

Sexual: 161: “ Bite me. ” 162: “ Make me. ” 163: “ Fuck me. ” 164: “ Stop teasing me so much… ” 165: “ Do you like it when I touch you like that?” 166: “ Okay.. This is new. ” 167: “ Want to head back to my place and have a little fun? ” 168: “ You’re in trouble now. ” 169: “ What a pretty sight. ” 170: “ Bend over. ” 171: “ On your knees. ” 172: “ The food looks great but.. There’s something much more delicious i’d like to eat right now. ” 173: “ Lay back. ” 174: “ Take off your clothes. ” 175: “ Well, fine; just this once. ” 176: “ I’m waiting. ” 177: “ You’re so beautiful. ” 178:“ As you wish. ” 179: “ First one to make a noise looses.” 180: “ You have no idea what you do to me. ” 181: “ If you’re bored; Wanna have sex? ” 182: “ Ive wanted this for so long. ” 183: “ Car sex looks so much more easier in the movies. ” 184: “ Can I touch you? ” 185: “ Open up. ” 186: “ No strings attached. ” 187: “ Already? Do I really have that much of an effect on you? ” 188: “ Mine. ” 189: “ The nights still young. ” 190: “ We cant do that here! ” 191: “ Behave. ” 192:“ What did you just say? ” 193: “ Good girl. ” 194: “ Good boy. ” 195: “ Come here. ”

[honeyfreckled]

we have talked a few times and im sorry for this but you are the most accepting and easiest person to talk to honestly i dont have many people in my life i can tell anything real to. but the thing is ive been thinging about relapsing a lot more since i broke up with my boyfriend and i work with him so it makes work depressing and impossible to get through a day without crying sorry this is anon but i am scared ily dont hate me i am not trying to stress you out

ok wow first lemme just say: I DO NOT HATE U. EVER. 

and don’t be srry i don’t have a lotta ppl irl i can tell my shit to so i get it. pls know u can always ALWAYS ALWAYS come to me, and u dont gotta be scared to come off anon. i get it and it’s ok if u prefer it that way- but pls know i dont keep it on alot bc i get hate and then i turn it off bc i gotta look out for myself and dont post all the hate bc i dont wanna bring yall down or give them the satisfaction of knowing i have given it a read and response. so u can message me or make a sideblog or idk im just saying this so if it’s off later u dont blame yrself or feel scared to come off anon. ok sorelapse is a real thing and it’s fucked and hard and addiction is fucked up and a real life struggle and we dont treat addicts w the real tenderness, respect, kindness, and acceptance they deserve. but u DO deserve it. and there are hotlines, apps, churches, groups, chatrooms/boards, and sites that are more versed in what are the appropriate things to say to u- i say this bc while i’ve been thru it w loved ones i have not myself struggled w addiction w substances. my addictions were to self harm and victimhood so those are the things i searched for help on. but if it’s alright i’d like to give u some tips or things i used and have heard work for addicts of substances

places like i said like churches, groups, chatrooms, sites, apps, hotlines the apps and hotlines are good if u cant travel or want to talk to ppl who wont share their story bc maybe u cant hear it like its not the kinda help ur looking for. hotlines are sometimes tricky bc some of those folks are not educated they are volunteers so judgment leaks thru and in that case u ask to be redirected and report that volunteer so hopefully they dont repeat that kinda mess to other vulnerable folks looking for help

make a list of things, anything. list of foods u like to order, list of things that make u clench yr teeth, what were yr fave gifts you’ve ever got, style icons of urs, hobbies u tried that annoyed u, movies u can always watch, places on yr skin u hate being touched, any list of anything it doesnt have to be the usual thing of “what to live for” bc when yr depressed those kinds of things arent easy to think of. but if u get a list going of like “best things ive ever touched” “sounds that make me laugh” “trends that were stupid af” “popular things that i didnt like n couldnt figure out why they were popular” “weirdest ppl ive met” well those things might get u on a roll of good memories or laughing or seeing that theres more to yr life than what has been occupying yr thoughts

dancing. dance in yr room in the dark. clear some space. put on some headphones. lock yr door. do it in the shower. just dance. i had to start w closing my eyes and picking songs that i was taken by emotionally. songs that made me jump and slamdance tbh and then it’s just gotten more and more something im not as ashamed w. i spent a date night w james just dancing and then we ya know ya know bc the dancing got so wild. now i make playlists of songs that set moods for diff kinds of dancing

watch shows w ppl who arent doing better than u. they dont live in fancy places, they dont do much w their lives, they dont dress better than u, they struggle, they arent eating good food u dont have access to. iasip. freaks and geeks. letterkenny. undeclared. jake and amir. tpb. the state. youtube. tiktok/vine comps. lots of these kinds of vibes on youtube

podcasts. improv comedy podcasts tbh saved my life. comedy bang! bang! has best of’s those are good ones to start w. improv4humans bc matt besser has great guests of some of the best improvisers out there and he has musical guests and they’ll play a song and the improvisers will use it as inspo for a scene

make things. moodboards. pinterest. playlists. fill a shopping cart and tell yrself “i’ll get it when i win the lotto and move away from anyone who knows me so i can be the me i wanna be w/out judgement” make tea. make a meal if u can. make yr bed. clean one thing. clean the sink. hang some clothes or go thru yr drawers and clean them out. throwing things out feels hard at first but then it’s nice bc u feel less bogged down

find something to throw yr obsession at for a bit. something that wont hurt u as bad, being obsessed in general isnt good. everything in moderation irl. too much of something is bad just as much as too less of it can be bad. but yr looking for something lower risk here and if u gotta be obsessed w a celeb or a song or a food that’s ok. yr focusing the energy on something that isnt a substance so be proud of it

give yrself a break. give yrself some credit. everyday isnt gonna be on the “best of your name here’s days” but sometimes u just live to live bc that’s what u do. u wait it out and get thru it and wait for the sun to come back out. and if u cant get outta bed. or if you hate yr job and wanna scream- that’s normal it’s more normal than always being happy ppl just dont like talking abt bc society kinda trains us to hide our fucked upness idk why but thats how it is. they dont wanna tell us to do preventative care until we’re in the pits

all in all- it comes down to (at least for me) not planning w an endgoal in mind. it’s not over til it’s over and rlly we dont know. it’s all fluctuating and not meant to be a finish line we cross and then suddenly we’re done and we dont suffer anymore and the feeling of shit is gone or the risk of relapse is gone and the depression is cleared away never to be seen again. it’s not realistic. bc it isnt real. on the real- risk is always there and the downs and ups mix and run together and depression is not curable (this isnt something to be miserable over tho) depression isnt curable, yeah ok, but it is manageable. it can be quieted down from time to time and if u keep up w yr healthy routines and coping mechanisms- depression will still find its way to u bc the real world is not something u can manage. death in the family, loss of money or job, car breaking down, sickness outta nowhere, depression grows wild when these very real life stressors come into our lives. but all that too eventually gets easier and easier at least from a “ok i have some distance now” standpoint. and then as those days get more and more btwn it u can then be like “oh wow, ive made it thru X amount of days! ive put up w it this long! whats one more day, whats one more week, hell might as well see how much prouder i can feel once ive got a year under my belt!” plus u will be more capable of handling the bullshit if u know u can still find some safe places in yr coping skills or friends or resources.

ok so this is prob a mess but bottomline know this:

I love  you and i will be here the best i can should u ever wanna come spill or if u need me to just send u pics of my dog or boring pics of knickknacks or selfies or memes or links or anything just tell me what u need and i will try my best to show u my love. i hope u can see that u reaching out is just already a HUGE major step in the right direction, give yrself credit! thats amazing! yr already doing it pumpkin look at u! it’s hard ik. but i also know if u are capable of saying u have this problem going on, u are capable of getting thru this. u are a light in the world. u offer goodness and u offer yrself and that’s enough. even if yr fucked up right now- u are contributing to the world by simply being u. there is literally NO ONE ELSE WHO IS YOU. so u are unique by definition. i hope u get something from this post and if not i hope it strikes an idea or thing u can do that will help. i hope u know im here and i hope u see this.

i am sending u all my light and love and good vibes and i can’t wait to see or hear from u again. u are never bothering me, a burden, or stressing me out. tbh it stresses me more that u might be struggling and not telling me or anyone. i dont ever want u to suffer in silence bc u feel guilt or scared or anything. u deserve to have a place to voice yr shit. im here to listen if u do wanna tell me anymore.

everyone else-if this helped or if u can think of anything that might help anon or anyone else- feel free to reblog and get some good NONJUDGMENTAL advice or tips and tricks going, but please please please remember to not come off as judgey or flood it with your drama. keep ur drama out of this post so anon or anyone else doesn’t get triggered by it. 

and dont ignore my rule and do it anyway and then say some shit like “ik u said not to but i think this will help lol sorry” like we need this post to stay on this vibe that i set in motion and not a struggle contest or dick measuring or all sad personal reminiscing. go make yr own post for that this is NOT the space.

[hotshotshitshow]

Vicky, Maude, and Quoia for the ask thing!

thank youuu and also thank you for your patience lol

vicky

favorite thing about them: oh man ok i know ive gotten real sappy about her before but ... she is basically my ideal mom ok .... i just see her as such a unconditionally supportive and endearing figure

least favorite thing about them: she has her moments of ignorance .... she is very open to learning tho , she is not a head-in-the-sand kind of person

favorite line: fuck idk im awful with dialogue but im sure she is hilarious

brOTP: dallas

OTP: with bushrod definitely

nOTP: her with any dudes

random headcanon: she can speak and understand spanish pretty well but absolutely cannot write it

unpopular opinion: idk i feel like a lot of people would look at her and just assume at face value that she is a bigot and that really doesnt sit well with me.

song i associate with them

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favorite picture of them: oh this one for sure

maude

favorite thing about them: hhh i could. really say a lot about maude and why she is so important to me but i dont think this is the post to do it on. to extremely sum it up, she is the better (???) version of myself

least favorite thing about them: sometimes, she can take things a little too far ....

favorite line: once again im awful with dialogue but i imagine shes got one of the most amusing laughs of all my characters. it is very loud and she slaps her knees a lot.

brOTP: maude hasnt got a lot of close friends. i suppose the person she relates to the easiest is carrot, who is @beanslybabe​ ‘s oc

OTP: her with both basira and carrot!! also before beansly and i decided to ship the three of them together, i liked her with ingrid, and i still do a lot...

nOTP: man i dunno wed have to talk it out

random headcanon: when she was a human, she partied pretty darn hard....

unpopular opinion: she is a much more serious individual than most will give her credit for i think

song i associate with them: lmao at this point ive probably given away the majority of what ive got of her playlist but here

undefined

favorite picture of them: i think this is a good one but its hard to pick!

quoia

favorite thing about them: well theyre burgh so!!! lots of things are my favorite things about them!!!

least favorite thing about them: its hard for me to think of something i dislike about such an intentionally likable character....

favorite line: a pure heart makes for profound art ..... ;)

brOTP: their soul mate is @beanslybabe ‘s oc cheese!

OTP: no one .... they very much do not want to be in a romantic relationship

nOTP: them being involved with anyone romantically or sexually

random headcanon: they love nail polish. their kitchen table is covered with streaks and drips of nail polish that they intentionally dump on it from time to time.

unpopular opinion: god ok i feel like if they were to have a fandom they would be instantly infantilized and the whole notion makes me wanna tear my hair out. they are a grown responsible adult who is capable of a lot more than i think people would give them credit for!!!

song i associate with them

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favorite picture of them: im struggling to find a picture of them that i have drawn that i am really fond of. this is a problem

[d2myg]

50 questions tag

tagged by @rysiowate thank u darling!

1. What takes up too much of your time? my hyperfixations and constantly updating all my online accounts and personas

2. What makes your day better? when i feel like ive accomplished something in a day; also, getting to go to bed after a long day

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? i made really good tofu fried rice

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? the shire. just wanna live in a tiny hobbit house and eat and read

5. Are you good at giving advice? depends what it is about. and also, im better at getting my points across via text, so im useless at advice irl

6. Do you have any mental illness? anxiety and depression, im pretty i have some kind of executive dysfunction and maybe dependent personality disorder, but these two are just my assumptions. who knows really im broke and too anxious to go a therapist to get diagnosed lmao

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no thank god it sounds terrifying

8. What musician inspired you the most? even though i’m not an active stan anymore i’m gonna say bts because they’re the artists i’ve stanned the longest for and grew most attached to. i think they helped me develop as a person and they’ve been there for me in tough times. but also queen, because in freddie mercury i found a queer icon and role model which is very important for me

9. Have you ever fallen in love? i thought i was in love once but looking back, maybe not

10. What’s your dream date? i think this dream date business is bullshit. as long as im with the person i like, we could be doing literally anything and id still be like yeah this is a good day. like running errands or going grocery shopping or just lying in bed.

11. What do others notice about you?

idk probably my self-deprecating humour. also i if im wearing makeup that almost always gets commented on so i guess that

12. What is an annoying habit you have? just one? lmao uhhh when im super anxious about something i just shut off and like i cant function until that thing is resolved. my brain is just like ok anxiety time lets lay in bed and cry and nap for the rest of the day. also when im not in the mood to reply to someone’s text i will literally go days without replying not bc i forgot but bc i just.. yeah

13. Do you still talk to your first love? sometimes i check up on her (on her social media) but no we havent talked for almost a year since it ended. but then, was she really my first love. idk.

14. How many exes do you have? one

15. How many songs are in your playlist? i have multiple playlists and i also follow a lot of playlists; all together there must be at least 1k

16. What instruments can you play? acoustic guitar

17. What do you have the most pictures of? travelling, i have folders of pictures since last year that i havent edited yet

18. Where would you like to go before you die? hm. everywhere i havent been yet. id really like to go to canada, also like everywhere in asia

19. What is your zodiac? scorpio

20. Do you relate to it? idk i dont really read horoscopes and idk the like scorpio personality traits or whatever

21. What is happiness to you? being content with myself and what im doing.

22. Are you going through anything right now? final assignments of the semester :)

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? getting too attached to some people. 

24. What’s your favorite store? record stores are so cool. also there’s this store in brighton that sells prints of stuff like ghibli on tshirts and tote bags. not my favourite, but i like it. i dont think i have a favourite.

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? im pro-choice. i dont think it should be a debate.

26. Do you keep a bucket list? no

27. Do you have a favorite album? sheer heart attack by queen, that shit slaps

28. What do you want for your birthday? honestly not to be shallow but some coins so i can buy myself some stuff ive been wanting to buy but didnt wanna spend money on

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? idk probably that im a bitch or that im intimidating. before i open my mouth to talk. one of my best friends told me they were scared of me when we first met.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? idk i mean no one really questions my age tbh. when i was younger people thought i was older lmao cause i seemed mature or whatever

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? usually on my bed bc i sleep with earphones

32. What word do you say the most? uuuh……. like. when i talk i say like after every 3rd words its annoying

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? 5-6 years probably

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? ½ years max

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? i dont talk about my career ambitions with anyone lmao it makes me anxious. my mom says i could do personal couching or psychotherapy or whatever.

36. What’s your favorite music genre? classic rock

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? sweden sounds really nice. hong kong or singapore also

38. What is your current favorite song? hm. the iron man 3 credits soundtrack. slaps. suffragette city by culture club also

39. How long have you had this blog for? uuh i remade very recently

40. What are you excited for? goin home for the summer. also rocketman and spiderman far from home. also!!! i might be going to the rocketman red carpet so

41. Are you a better talker or listener? listener. i dont really like talking about deep stuff

42. What is the last productive thing you did? did some uni work today. actually, did a lot of uni work today

43. What do you want for christmas? go to budapest with my mom weve been planning that

44. What class do you get the best grades in? my best subject in high school was english and in college it was probably psychology

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? idk 5/6

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

dude i dont even know what ill be doing next year after my ba course ok

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? i dont think i really had one. when i broke up w my gf, its been shit for a while and i just accepted that it wasnt gonna work so it didnt really like hurt

48. What age do you want to get married? marriage is overrated and expensive next

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a vet also but so much med school. ew.

50. What do you crave right now? to dye my hair bc im stressed insert this is fine meme

i also tag @hamkis also @crownedbabes also @funkysapphic, @milmercurios, @freddie-jupiter, @piscesyub, @cactustattoo, @tonyrights

[rqs902]

qcyn ep 11 -- can you believe the finale is tomorrow?!?

this whole texting section was so funnyyyy and i will honorably mention yet again that yao chi texting mc jin in english is so sweet

li ronghao torturing xu longhan iS HIALRIOSUS 

 but i also pity the poor child LOOL

wait can we talk about chen tao’s spelling timao LOL

and chen sijian’s face LOLLL

omg yao mingming’s message is so aww... he mentions liking yixing since he debuted in 2012.......

omgggg fjj and wang yi theyre all so cute and screamy and i loveee 

WAIT CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIN MO AND WANG YI’S HAPPY DANCE

oh gosh the8 is really showing us how hard seventeen works to get their choreo super in sync wow they really must work so hard.... wow minghao giving up the center position bc he knows how important this is to these kids... he deserves more recognition as a great mentor wow

oh my goodness.......... li zhenning’s voice shaking as he says to shi mingze “if you can get into top 20, then you’ll have hope” is.... the most heartbreaking......... knowing that shi mingze doesnt.......... they literally were smiling as they went off into this corner to talk and are crying by the time they come out..... can you just imagine how much sadness and stress is constantly looming over these kids’ heads and tearing down at their mental health?? its all hidden and suppressed, but with really fragile borders, so as soon as you pick at the walls, their raw emotions come bursting through... 

this just reminds me that even tho shi mingze is their cool, handsome leader, hes still the youngest in bg project............

can we please talk about how considerate of a friend li zhenning is and has been?? 

and this all took place before zhenning ever ranked into top 9.... so to them, this opportunity wouldve been really important for zhenning too, bc maybe he wouldve really needed it to get into top 9. but at least we know now.... he has enough popularity that they made the correct choice and hopefully more people will notice shi mingze as a result

ZHAN YU’S ARMSSSSSSSSS bo yuan’s hair!! i really like it!!!! wen yechen in pink!!!!!! his voice is so addicting i just wanna hear more of it... it dont matter that zhenning isnt center, he still shines :)) wait wu zelin’s voice i really liked it in retreat and we get even more vocal-like wu zelin here! thats a realy nice purple on qunfeng, hes really rocking this look SHI MINGZE I SAW THAT WINK frick minghao’s dancing is just so satisfying to watch wowow

man he looks so good

wow i live for random zhan yu reactions (imma just collect them here LOL)

after journey and mc jin’s friendship is so cute hahahaha

ok i see why elle thinks chen tao is a visual

wang zhe and wu chengze have both really improved in their stage presence throughout the course of this show aw deng chaoyuan looks the happiest we’ve ever seen him on stage haha zhou shiyuan’s voice is really so cool 

i guess we’ll never find out why gu landi is in mc jin’s group..... is it bc yao chi is here? im sorry i love this song and i love a lot of the kids in this group but can you just imagine how much better this stage would’ve been if it were with more kids who had experience rapping....? last year’s “zero” stage just made such a bigger impression on me...... this is actually really such a contrast im---

ALKSJDLAKSJDLK CHEN SIJIAN’S RAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE JUST DID THATT!!!!!!!!!! DID YOU SEE THAT!??!?!1//!ASDLKJALSKJJ OMGGOHS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! CHEN SIJIAN JUST BLEW EVERYOEN OUT OF THE WATER YOU BEST BET HE DID WOWOW HE JSUT I CANT BELEIEVE HE JSUT INCLUDED AT LEAST 4 NAMES WOW 

IM WEN YECHEN

chen sijian is really the best at writing raps about his bros wow and like also he has the most creative lyrics i really appreciate wow such talent hes amazing!!!

a lost baby..

UNDERAPPRECIATED GU LANDI VISUALS

the face of a legend 

ever since i saw the “time” ballad version, ive had a sneaking suspicion that lin yuzhi is secretly one of the strongest vocalists on this show..... this is the face of talent

idk whose outfit is distracting me more, xu bingchao or xixi’s LOL shao haofan looks so nice here wow and ding feijun is so adorable even tho this is a more mature concept but i still cant see him as anything but a cute child

maybe its the way they cut up the lines but idk this song didnt really show off their vocal abilities that well..... sorry xixi :( i think xixi’s voice deserved better time to shine on this show...... his and feng junjie’s voices are actually both so nice i was so impressed when i saw them singing in the oaca clips

this koala ad makes me very uncomfortable......

wenhan reaches into the box and pulls out..... costco brand blueberries??!?!?/1 hHhahahhahHAHAHHA 

lol yao chi being so sentimental... oh look at this photo of me with bubbles on my face (me: oh no here it come--) OH YEA ALSO CHECK OUT THIS FACE WASH!

wow kou cong!! a face i havent seen in a while aw! i cant believe they filmed all the yaa eps while they all still had colorful hair lol i guess ill never get to see lin mo on yaa /sigh/ or actually any of the tyger members cept jia yi.........

HAHAHAHAHHA YESSSSSSSSS THEY INCLUDED A CLIP OF CHEN SIJIAN’S PHONE CALL !!!! HIS WAS HILARIOUSS!!!! HAHAHAHA I LOVED HOW SIMILAR HIS FAN SEEMED TO BE TO HIM HAHAH 

AAHH AS SOON AS IT GETS TO LIN MO’S ITS THE SAD MUSIC TIME

his was the most heartwarming call.... no bias LOL

feng junjie singing “the great artist” just---

this boy will never stop with the meme faces hHAHAHA

im surprised this section was so short lol i was expecting them to spend more time on this group...

SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN SUN ZELIN YEA

jolin’s eyes are so wow 

feng junjie with the voice!!!!!!1 

JOLIN THE QUEEN

still kinda wish jia yi had more opportunity to sing on this show......... hes like second main vocalist to zhan yu in tyger but i feel like he hasnt gotten to show his voice much :( he did really well tho!!! he really has impressive stage presence

omg lin mo’s super shy “1 day” ahhhhh 

omg wang jiayi looks like hes about to cry... the poor child....

yixing reaching out to apologize to them.... hes really so caring towards them...... wang jiayi just needs more confidence!! i believe in him too

where did lin mo get this white cap from? lol he chose the pink one..... on a related note, im so happy lin mo got to be in yixing’s group, bc from the beginning with namanana hes really really tried so hard to earn yixing’s recognition, im sure it means a lot to him to be able to learn from him like this and share a stage with him 

yao mingming too, i feel like he really values yixing’s recognition as well

i think all the kids in this group had to have known that picking yixing’s group would be the most tiring and require the most effort, but i think choosing this group regardless just really shows they came here to learn 

A HAPPY BABYYY

omg like yixing is really /teaching/ them and i appreciate that

lin mo and xu fangzhou’s voices!!!!!!

OOF IM SO READY FOR THIS OUTFIT 

ASLDKALSDKJLAK HE WINKED!!!!!!!!!!!

what is this awkward closeup

why does fangzhou have wings lol

i feel like theres a lot of random awkward closeups of lin mo.... should i be happy about this??? LOL i dont think theyre all very flattering but at the same time at least hes got closeups....???? ? ??  

OOF HES GETTING MORE LINES THAN I EXPECTED TOO

you know how ive talked about how i love how much detail lin mo puts into his dancing, including even his slight head tilts? LOOK ANOTHER HEAD TILT 

HAHAHAHHAHA GUAN YUE’S EYES GOT SO BIG HAHAHHAHA OMGGG

ooof lin mo getting to sing the chorus with yixing im !!!!!! im sure hes so grateful for this opportunity wow also i think i mentioned this with namanana but i really think lin mo suits yixing’s dance style, like its a style that hes pulls off really well, so i think he got to shine a bit in this performance :’)

ok i havent said this yet but what is with that thick black fade at the top of the screen its so annoying??? like why you gotta cover the top of their heads??? 

wow we’re really getting a lot of random lin mo shots hahahha is this iqiyi repenting their wrongs from ‘spirit of the knight’ i almost am surprised how yao mingming isnt getting the most screentime but then i remember iqiyi has never favored yao mingming........ /sigh

AYYY WENXUAN AND LIN MO THE BUDDIES

just look at how perfectly tilted / well-positioned lin mo’s head is wow and that gaze wow i just love his stage presence

yea im gonna have to rewatch this perf to gif the lin mo moments.... maybe after the finale tomorrow when ill be like oop lin mo didnt make it in oh well let me just wallow in his talent that the audience slept on by drowning myself in lin mo content (its not like i do that every day already)

LOL THAT CAMERA SPIN WAS SUCH A FAIL YOU CANT SEE ANYONE CEPT WENXUAN ADJUSTING HIS MIC HAHAHHAHA ok on a side note tho im glad wenxuan got to be in this group too!! yuehua’s dancer getting to show us his dancing again :’) and we all know he was discouraged being reshuffled into “maze” and i just wanna say wenxuan deserves more credit for being able to really go out of his comfort zone and pull off the cute concept in “maze” well even tho he didnt want to accept it at first! 

HES PERFECT 

hey yall is it just me or did you see lin mo’s eyes in that really fast flashy bit at the end of the preview for the finale? HAHHAHAHA i couldnt even screenshot it bc it was so fast, but i swear i saw his eyes so i think he was in it LOOOL

JSUT KIDDING I WENT BACK AND TRIED AGAIN AND I GOT IT

I KNEW I SAW HIS EYES HAHAHAHHAHA

oo i havent mentioned this before but i really like the sound of chen sijians voice, even when speaking... 

OMG GU LANDI

OMGGGG MY CHILD YE ZIMING IN FREAKING TARZAN NEXT DOOR??!???

THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!!!! THANKS FOR REMINDING US HOW IQIYI TOTALLY SLIGHTED THIS BOY OUT OF GETTING INTO TOP 35

aw honestly i wonder if lian huaiwei will really not make it tomorrow.....  

omg sun zelin in the ending credits!!!!

OMG ZHAN YU TOOOOOOO

OOF LOOK AT ZHAN YU’S JAWLINE (ooops sorry yechen ahhahhhaa)

they must really like this part of the choreo?? 

BUT I LOVE THIS LOOK ON YECHEN YESSS

lol is this lin mo’s back

tbh im surprised they didnt include lin mo in the ending credits but i think they were trying to make up for the loss of yao mingming time earlier LOOL 

ok well i have about 10 hrs until i gotta wake up to watch the finale so.... now to go watch fjj and hcx’s goodnight dachang HAHAH

[asterdeer]

flower ask meme: arum-lily, aster, baneberries, basket of gold, black-eyed susan, blazing stars, borage, bulgeherb, camelia, candytuffs, carnation, cock's comb, common boneset, daisy, false goat's beard, freesia, garden cosmos, gladiolus, rosemallows, transvaal daisy, and tropical white morning glory

Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger? gave a man my lunch and cash when he came up to my window while i was idling at a red light? stayed five minutes past closing time to tell someone how to get somewhere even tho im terrible at directions

Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes? “I believe that if a woman poet survives, if she sets out on that distance and arrives at the other end, then she has an obligation to tell as much as she knows of the ghosts within her, for they make up, in essence, her story as well.”contrariwise“I am not well-adjusted. More often than not, I am barely keeping it together. I’m constantly texting, and there’s no one on the other end. I’m just a grown man who can’t even look his own friends in the eye for too long because I’m afraid that they’ll see that I’m broken. So, you get credit for that. One time, when I was in 7th grade, I told everybody at school I had appendicitis. I wanted somebody to worry about me, but when Beth Brennan asked to see the scar I didn’t wanna get found out. So, I took mom’s scissors, and I made one. It hurt like hell. But it was worth it because I got 17 cards, and I still keep them in a box underneath my bed 22 years later because it proves that someone at some point cared about me. Want to see the scar?”

Baneberries: Favorite song? atm its either “high hopes” by panic!, “quarter past midnight” by bastille, or “when the night is over” by lord huron

Basket of Gold: Describe your familyim best friends with my mom, my brother terrifies me bc i love him so much, my granddad was my best teacher of selflessness and sacrifice, my cousin who was my best friend fell apart at exactly the same time i did and we never really got back together, i met my twin when i was like fourteen and needed them most, i have a grandmother who ended up teaching me more of what not to do than anything else, and i did in fact have a father, all evidence to the contrary

Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?a giraffe. no doubt

Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why? 101 things ! spiders because one crawled into my bed when i was 12 at five in the morning and my cat woke me up because it was just there at my feet, also never having someone fall in love w me, also watching everyone leave me when they figure out im worthless ! mostly spiders

Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood. there was a very shallow sort of…. gorge? ravine? it was like a steep drop off in the land down to a v rocky stream that cut behind our house in our old neighborhood. they didnt let us play there often bc my brother’s then-best friend slipped and cut his foot bad but i loved it back there + if i had been reading warriors at that point it would have been my clan camp fs

Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  slashing the tires of as many animal abusers as i could find. then go rent a boat and take my family/friends out on the water. pass out some macarons maybe? gravestone shaped macarons? make everyone read some of four quartets out loud. also cuddle my cat a whole WHOLE whole lot 

Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go? ive wanted to visit ireland for literally as long as i can remember

Candytufts: When do you feel most loved? when i havent eaten for a good while

Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  mucha-esque loki tee shirt and my mom’s fluffy cloud pajama pants

Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?lydian bc it reminds me of when i was 10 and my cousin and i were writing our stories on the same computer and that was the font we used

Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?everybodys workin for the weekend. captain marvel comes out next week too

Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment? 1) winning the novel contest 2) making people laugh during my thesis defense 3) not offing myself during 2014 or 2017

False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?embarrassing myself! 

Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month? 1) job 2) sushi 3) staying till almost midnight at a friend’s house talking whcih was the most ive actually been touched by a person besides my mom in weeks

Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?exhausting but i got a lot of reading done

Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two? submit a novel for publication. try to get into an editing program. grow potatoes and cucumbers, revive/expand my catnip and rosemary. donate money and buy art and take trips and make better food

Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory? literally the only memory that doesnt feel like a rebuke or a warning rn is the day i met you in person

Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing? thats either the high waisted bell bottom jeans my aunt gave me a while back or the black and green striped top that ive worn holes into ive had it so long

Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  i literally dont have one, its a hideous + boring mishmash of four different aesthetics frankensteined together that doesnt make good art ever 

[verngyu-moved]

hi deedee!! as someone who's interested in graphic design, i'm always blown away by your edits/gifs/etc and i really admire the effort/thoughtfulness you put into each & every one!! do you have any tips or recommendations to resources on how to become a better graphic designer? thanks 💕

aw thank u sm !! its always nice to hear ppl appreciate the thought process/cohesiveness, since thats prob one of the things i pride myself on most :’)

for gifs; frankly, i cant really say i put that much thought into gifs..the color palette + lyric ones take the longest to make, and for that my advice there would be cropping faces can go a long way to make something look cool lol. saving ur gifs at the highest possible quality is also a must ! as for coloring, it’s really up to u + what fits your personal style. but whitewashing is ugly so dont do it sdfjgknlfg

for gfx; i guess my biggest tip would just be to try new things? like, dick around in photoshop and see what comes out of it. experience is the best teacher, and personally that’s how i learned, by just messing around and following tutorials until i found my own style. patience and persistence are also important, ive been using ps since i was 13 and im 20 now. it took me 3 years to learn how to make gifs soooo yeah needless to say, patience is key !

as for my own gfx style, a lot of it is inspired by UI/UX design, so just looking at things on dribbble really gives me good ideas! and i always credit where i get it from, so if ur curious where i got my insp on x graphic, u can always find it in the captions of my gfx 😉 also weirdly enough, the office bloopers give me a lot of design inspiration?? i guess i can only make stuff when im laughing asfhjksdflg

as for resources, the only sites i actively use are resource market and noun project. im not a huge fan of textures–theyre just not really my style, since like i said, i get my insp from UI/UX design–which has more emphasis on gradients and shapes rather than textures. so, luckily im not too dependent on resources bc of that, typically most of the final product was made from scratch !

also i feel like this goes without saying, but i feel obligated to put it in here since a lot of people (with no ill will) rly just dont know the difference…, but yeaaaa it’s important to know the difference between inspiration vs copying. in the kpop fandom i see too many posts that take “insp” from others, and they dont necessarily ask or even give a heads up to the op who they’re copying. like i said, a lot of ppl just genuinely dont know, and dont have any bad intentions, but it’s still not ok. a good rule of thumb is to take only one element from someone’s work + tweak it to fit your own style. or just ask the op u wanna take insp from !!!!!

i mean, this was the first edit i ever posted to the kpop community, and there was a lot of improvement to be done..it hurts to look at…..so if i can do it any1 can ! best wishes 💖

[bibbleboo]

god i rly do think the only way im ever gonna be happy or have a life im not miserable dedicating to somebody else is if i find a way to live alone. but i literally dont know if thats possible shdfsdfhs i cant drive i cant do dishes i make $500 a month im like. so fucked and honestly if i wanted to i could probably solve Some of these problems but im not. even given enough time to work on honing my adult skills. 

yall not to sound bitter or whiny but straight up since my early teen years all ive ever known is being forced to take care of other people. i was never given the unconditional care and support system it takes a teen to learn how to grow up without worrying abt failing bc i was too busy being roped into caring for other people and fixing all their problems and they in return would help with my disability issues. so i never Grew from that or rly i grew at a snails pace bc i had to barely squeeze in time to work on myself. all my progress was halted by that and i was just stuck in that spot. cuz like for them its only ever an exchange to accommodate me and anything less is unfair and they just stop doing it. and part of me feels guilty and cant help but feel like, ok how can i expect more than that though. like how can i expect accommodation without balance. ppl need 50/50. but also literally, how am i supposed to take care of myself and grow when i am constantly trying to pay off a debt to others just for existing with needs. 

and then they fucking complain im not doing enough for them or for myself and like i!!!!! ok shit or get off the pot then!!! i WANT to do this im just scared if i fail yall wont take me back in bc i stopped being ur fucken slave and then im gonna go back to 11 yr old me attempting sui.ci/de twice bc thats how i look at rock bottom apparently and i dont trust her!!! and its YOUR GUYS FAULT LIKE.... i love my family but . they ruined a lot of shit for me with this fucked up cycle. telling me ‘you just need to push yourself’... when do i have the time when im playing ur fuckin mommies. literally. where am i expected to pull the time or strength or energy or motivation . fuck off like. im needy bc yall didnt give me enough time to learn not to be and i feel like intentionally or not part of it was to keep me around to help them out like uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh i hate this oh my goddddd yall didnt give me the tools to be an adult and now just to escape u im gonna have to jump the shark with Nothing and hope i dont end up homeless or forever fucked in bad credit debt land , while knowing if i got evicted or smth i would literally right away try to kms , again because i waSNT GIVEN PROPER CHANCES TO FAIL OR SUCCEED OR LEARN BC I WAS TOO BUSY KEEPING YALL FROM FAILING LIKE I----- AAAAAHH WHATT DID U EXPECTTTttTTTTTTTT i wanna scream. i never wanted to be a hyper dependent idiot that asks for this much w.o being able to return the favor well enough but yall didnt give me the fucking care i needed to learn how to do anything else so good luck w/o me babes when i figure a way out of here xoxo . but no honestly part of what pisses me off most tho is that when i leave they WILL be able to figure it out, theyll be angry and struggle a little at first but theyll adapt. i rly might not be able to figure this out, itd be my first time adapting to relying on myself and filling Only my needs. its so ufcking wildly unfair i just wanna cry and punch somebody

[myinnerletters]

28/10/20

I dont know why I’m crying, or why tears rush out of me like from a well from within thats been wiaing to purge all day. yesterday was good, today has felt weird, i dont know.

I hate depending on people, and waiting to hear back. I hate feeling like my life has been put in the throws of a limbo temporarily whilst i wait to hear back about this hire. I’ve been working so hard toward this date, till the 5th of november, Melbourne is free as of today and i stayed in side all day and studied. I need to buy hayfever medication so i can go outside. I need to not be so confined by this room.

Im still so nervous. And scared. That we wont be able to stay out of lockdown. Of seeing my friends nad people again.I miss my family, ive felt so on the outer having been down here in melbourne and so far awayI dont really know why im so sad but i feel stressed.

I have taught 10 different people on mat, i have taught 4 poeple on reformer all with varying health concerns and health issues and ive managed to make them move and feel good and empowered. I managed to feel yesterday like i had come along way. LIke exercises that I had been working at which had been hard and challenging and felt like my body was against me had started to move. i had made progress. This is the most active ive been since i left uni. I’ve moved my body almost every day and listened to when it needs to rest. I dont know if im just fighting against it.

I’ve worked on this dream for so long. I want it to go so well. I want to be able to see myself out there teacihing and qualified. Ive been working on this for so long.I dont know why my default is doubt. Or hatred or anger. Im a hard worker. I know a lot more than i give myself credit for.

Im so hot right now and overheating. I feel overwhelmed and just want to complete this exam and know i did that. That i suceeded with one thing in 2020. LIke i can make an income and find some structure for myself. Everythng has been turned on its head and even though were out of this lockdown i still find myself scared and nervous and too scared to be able to get back out there again.

Maybe im putting too much pressure on this exam. And on myself for expecting so much for myself. I go back to treating myself like im dumb and i gotta cram this stuff 3/4 times a day. THis mentaility which makes me more stressed and scared and crazy. I feel so out of control and untethered. I dont know what i want. I just want to feel normal and happy and not like this person with no structure or goals or things that they can work towards. I just wanna feel like a success. I wanna see November 5th and nail it. I wanna feel like i know what to do and feel empowered.

im over feeling so self destductive and disempowered. Im over giving space to other peoples emotions and experiences. I’m over feeling so terrible and shitty and unhinged and like i cant take control of something. 

I know i did this course. I paid for every scent. I have spent almost every day since June working on this. I don’t want the added stress of this exam leaving. It was supposed to be this friday. It’s only a week difference. I would have had a little bit more time, but also no reformer. I have one reformer course under my belt. I still have 7 days. I have 7 days but im stil very much at risk of burning out if i keep going, which i have been since monday. WHich means ill have worked for 10 days in a row on this by the exam. I dont know how to take breaks or allow myself the time to calm without a voice in my head telling me i gotta go go go . Or what? why have i fought so hard against taking up space for me. I take up public space. I use my voice. Why am i not great at taking up space for myself and taking care of myself. I can’t keep doing that to myself for the rest of my lifetime. It’s too tiring.

I just dont know how to work through all this. I have noam in my life who ist here for me and it is so overhwelming. BEcause i dont know how to share that with him. I’ve been the person who looks out for me. WHo takes care of me. i just want to fall asleep and sleep through the night and feel rested

[anonwords]

monday october 12

  i dont really know what to write about since nothing interesting happens often. and i don’t want to write anything hopeful since the virus is still at a critical level in the us, and election day is less than a month away which just adds to the stress and grimness, since all the polls say biden will beat trump but that exactly what was predicted on election day 4 years ago. tr*mp says if he wins, then its the will of the people but if he loses its rigged and he won’t transfer power. they asked this mf point blank to denounce white supremacy and he told his followers to stand by. i hate thinking about all that because it’s scary to think what will happening the future if he’s elected again. im not saying biden is gonna solve everything but he’ll do a hell of a better job than whats happening now. 45 has let 220,000 americans die from the virus, and he might join them since being diagnosed a week ago. doctors say he’s fine but the same has been said about another conservative figure who was just as old as trump. it took a month for him to die, and the last time we saw 45 in public he was gasping for air. i hope he dies that way.

  Omar’s bday was last night and I got him michael jackson’s off the wall picture vinyl. i also bought the cake, which was fantastic. his girlfriend didn’t come, which was great because i don’t know if seeing her would’ve done to me. I didn’t drink, just smoked and we played cards. he was very fucked up off an edible i made for him, with the weed i was smoking. im so happy he liked it. he loved the cake too, which i would’ve baked for him but that would’ve been too much (I still need to maintain a level of deniability when it comes to my feeling for him). I didn’t sit next to him but I found myself staring when i started to smoke, as the strain I smoke, gelato, typically makes me really hungry, and really horny (its the perfect date strain). his lips looked so soft, and his hair is so cute. he says he’s balding but I don’t mind. he’s always going to be so handsome. his mother loves me but i don’t know how she’d feel if we were together. would she let me stay the night like she let his past girlfriends?

  Josh told me he lost his job at amazon because he accidentally left early. Literally probably the hardest worker in the whole damn warehouse, and they just up and fired him. he said he’s gonna find a job and i think he wont ask for money because he had been pulling in a thousand a week at amazon for a while. I want to be up there, and all that needs to happen is that i need to fix my car. then find a job obviously. build some credit, build work history while staying with josh, and we can get an apartment. but I’m still kind of iffy on working. there are the obvious health reasons, and I was making a lot of money on unemployment. when they start giving more again, I’ll be saving a lot. but if i find a job, I will make Significantly less money. and then i’ll start to have to pay for car insurance and rent and i want to get my teeth fixed and it’s just a really stressful time right now. 

  So this week r*an haywood of ach*evement hunter and ad*m kovic of funh*us were fired from r*oster teeth, the parent company of both those properties, for engaging in extramarital affairs with fans of the companies. the first lets plays i ever watched were from ah, since 2013, back when it was classic ah with the classic lineup of geoff, gavin, michael, ray, jack, and ryan. just six guys in a room screaming at each other over min*craft or gta. I discovered funhaus when roosterteeth acquired them in 2016 or 17, and I have been hooked since then. classic lineup included bruce, james, lawrence, spoole, elyse, joel, peake, and adam. much edgier content, and an older demographic. these guys were just on another level of comedy and gaming. this past wednesday, a google drive link was posted to 4ch*n, that included hundreds of pictures taken by adam of himself nude and in lewd positions, all screenshotted by a fan he was sending them to over instagram. there were some photos of ryan as well, and some are alleging he raped a minor, but its all here-say at this point. all the members of their respective groups made tweets talking about how shocked and hurt they were (some were less than surprised and made tweets explicitly calling out adam, and some tweeted cryptic song lyrics that represented the situation well). they say never meet your heroes and over the past five years, i think thats becoming a proven point. Im still attracted to adam, even though i know he’s an asshole cheater. i remember just absolutely drooling over his big arms and chest, and when burnie burns confirmed he had the biggest cock in the company, i was over the moon. well let me just say that’s the last straw for me. no more white men for me EVER. im totally done with them. its sad to see adam leave when so many of the original lineup have gone (its just james and elyse now). it really won’t be the same now. ah will survive this, and i will just have to wait until they put out official response videos up explaining everything.

  it’s fall now, and cuffing season is upon us. I wonder what its like to have someone that is truly invested into you, who make it their business to make you feel cared for. I want the weather to be cold soon, so i can just lay in bed all day and cuddle my body pillow and be warm, and think about my future man and all the ways i’ll take care of him and all the ways he’ll take care of me. i wanna make him soup and bake pies and keep him full and he’ll take me to the pumpkin patch and it will be cloudy and we might even hold hands. just boys being boys. dressed nice and warm with flannels and hoodies and boots. i would even drink coffee again and we’d sit at the coffee shop and hold hands to keep warm. my small hands in his big strong hands. just a thought ive been kicking around in my head.