#but also i need it lol all the traumatic things haha

[be-good-to-bugs]

WOW i am way overemotional lately

[nightcolorz]

Hello!

Please, speak more about traumatic age regression in Armand and Lestat- I would LOVE to hear other peoples thoughts on this, because its a theory/interpretation I've also been batting around

thank u for the ask omg!! I would love to talk about this!

In the books especially Armand and lestat show like, text book age regression haha. They both are shown to be below the standard of functionality for both their mortal and their immortal ages, and both struggle with emotional regulation in a way that is explicitly childlike.

Btw for clarities sake, when I say traumatic age regression btw I’m referring to age regression that is triggered involuntarily as a trauma response, when a person will slip into a childlike mindset or behavior due to how their brain functions after trauma. I’m not referring to age regression as an intentional coping mechanism to deal with trauma (though i do think both these characters would benefit from this and I would like to see it explored, I’m just making the case that the former occurs in canon haha)

Starting with Armand, he is often described as having been stunted in growth in a way which causes him to be unable to behave or function as an adult, since he was turned into a vampire as a teenager. This is such a huge deal with him, to the point where Marius literally tells people Armand should have never been a vampire because of how “damaged” he is. This conceptually is like inherently age regression lol, he’s an emotionally stunted 500 yr old vampire who behaves like a child because his brain got messed up. But this isn’t really the case at all with other child vampire characters. Claudia is not the most stable adult, but she’s certainly not immature or childlike in her behavior the way Armand is. While Armand is unable to live independently for the majority of the book series because he panics and short circuits when he is put in a position where he needs to be self reliant, Claudia only needs to have a caregiver because she will be restricted from entering certain spaces and will have trouble navigating the world without an adult since she appears as a five year old.

And characters like Benji are completely stable and functional as adults, and their minds are unaffected by being stuck in the bodies of children. It seems to me that Armand’s stunted growth has more to do with the trauma he’s experienced than the age he was turned (tho it is likely a factor). Armand has a very intense case of identity fracturing during his crucial development, so he can’t remember most of his life and formative memories, and mental health problems like these often cause age regression to come up. Armand was prevented from ever going through the crucial developmental stages a child needs to become a stable adult bcus of the trauma he was out through, so it makes sense that as an adult he still behaves and thinks like a child.

A lot of times adults who experienced intense childhood trauma are forced to be very mature as children to protect themselves, and when they are adults and are no longer in danger the childishness they repressed in childhood presents itself in adulthood, and the adult tries to learn and explore what they lost out on in childhood. I think Armand is experiencing a form of this, which is a form of age regression. An example of this would be how in queen of the damned Armand acts very childish, because as he describes it, he’s “learning about the modern world”, and he’s rediscovering his childhood curiosity bcus he never was able to truly learn about the world and learn how to live as an adult in it during his formative years. The devils minion chapter is very age regressy to me, I mean the whole thing is about Armand experiencing new things and sensory experiences and and trying to learn life lessons from Daniel because he’s never had that before. Daniel gets to see Armand’s mask unveil and discovers that he has a boyish laugh and he likes dumb comedy movies, and blenders, and he has a childlike wonder and desire to explore. (Cough cough age regression). Daniel is able to bring out Armand’s age regression in a positive way by nurturing his inner child in a way no one has before. So Armand definitely I feel like age regresses when he’s happy and letting himself indulge in things that heal a part of his inner child (particularly around someone he trusts, Daniel) but he also definitely age regresses when his trauma is triggered (oof)

Armand goes through mood swings and drastic changes in behavior pretty often. He is usually very good at appearing put together and mature, he speaks very calmly and rationally, he’s socially skilled and charming. But Armand has moments that happen when he is very upset usually, where his mask breaks and he suddenly begins acting like a child, crying and screaming, breaking things, throwing tantrums, stuff like that. It seems like Armand age regresses when he’s in some way triggered or experiencing very strong emotions. I think that his most evil, insane moments r often influenced by age regression. For example, Armand’s behavior in the vampire Lestat comes off as age regression to me. Lestat’s appearance in Armand’s life uproots his sense of security and sense of purpose (and reminds him of his maker), so Armand begins throwing violent tantrums and destroying all of his things and going to nicki’s house and throwing a fit and making his house a mess. Armand has no calculated idea of revenge against lestat for a perceived wrong, he just feels helpless and starts acting out in childlike ways (age regression). It’s even little things. When Armand begins revealing his past to Lestat he holds his arms and appears helpless and lost. When Armand is his most helpless his instinct is to curl into himself in defeat. He almost forgets how powerful he is and reverts to helpless frightened child.

The age regression angle definitely applies to show Armand too. Show Armand wasn’t even turned as a child, so all of his regressive behavior is rooted in regression exclusively. I get the impression that amc Armand, because of his isolated upbringing where he was raised to be obedient and reliant before he was raised to be a person, causes him to age regress since he was never raised to be an indecent adult. Amc Armand age regresses most often by perceiving himself as much more helpless and constantly victimized than he is, and acting accordingly. He’s like a big dog that thinks it’s a puppy so it sits on its owner lap and crushes their bones 😭. I could elaborate on amc Armand age regressing for sure, but I don’t want to make this post all Armand lmaooo. A post for another day

NOW LESTAT LOL! Lestat absolutely age regresses in the books, in a similar way to Armand where it is almost explicitly acknowledged lmao. The biggest example I think of when I think of lestat age regressing is a small scene in the vampire Lestat, where after almost getting himself killed when he plays the violin for akasha, Marius saves lestat and berates him for being stupid, and instead of taking on his usual defensive cockiness Lestat breaks down in hysterical tears and begs Marius to forgive him. It’s incredibly childish in a way that’s kind of heartbreaking, he’s saying stuff like “i didn’t mean to, please don’t be mad”, and it’s such an abused child reaction. Lestat most often age regresses when he is in the presence of someone he perceives as a mentor/parental figure. Lestat was turned young, not as young as Armand but young enough to not be entirely mature or self sufficient. And lestat was pretty seriously abused and neglected, and combined with how young he is he has a complex around older people where he sort of clings on to somebody to be his parental figure and reverts into a childlike mindset in their presence. Like Marius, lol (this also happens with David talbot). This is also definitely due to Lestats maker trauma, where he as a person with already bad abandonment issues, was very seriously abandoned and in the process seriously abused, and so part of Lestat always holds onto the trauma of loosing his maker and is always looking for someone to fulfill that mentor role for him that he was deprived of.

As a child Lestat was neglected so bad that he never had his bad behavior “corrected”, bcus none of the adults in his life cared to teach him how to be a good person. He was only ever beaten for the satisfaction of his abusers, he was never corrected or punished for his sake. This is why lestat often does reckless, stupid things purposefully, bcus he is looking for someone to tell him off. He wants someone to care about him enough to try and teach him how to be good. So, Lestat age regresses by acting out like a kid and doing things he hopes will get him scolded at 😭. Which earns him the brat Prince nickname from Marius, which is just so age regressy it’s insane.

The way Lestat expresses his hysterical emotions def comes off as age regression to me sometimes, specially when he hysterically cries and laughs. Louis describes Lestat in iwtv as immature and stupid, and I think the reason Lestat often behaves this way around Louis is because Louis’s emotional callousness reminds him of his mother, and triggers his age regression reaction where he acts out to get attention.

what I love so much about Armand and lestats dynamic is that they have sooo many of their major issues in common. Lestat and Armand hate each other, but they also love each other bcus in a way they r the only people who understand each other. Ughhhh they r so good.

thank u SM for the ask I love talking about this!!!! I hope I’m making sense here I feel like I didn’t do my thoughts justice cuz I’m recovering from a massive migraine rn 😭

[milkmissiles]

todoroki as a boyfriend pls? 🥺 I'm so weak for him oml

Oooo yes ofc! Sorry this took so long lol I have been so busy. Also it's much longer than I thought it was going to be haha. I'm weak for him too honestly he's just so pretty.

Hope I did this man justice :)

♡Boyfriend Todoroki♡

-CW- fluff, a bit suggestive but nothing too in depth. Probably SFW.

Pairing: todoroki x GN reader

He is dense. Like denser than dense.

You could literally make out with him for hours and he still wouldn't get the message.

He'd be like, "What are you doing..? I don't need cpr..."

This bitch

Its Not that he doesn't have feelings for you, In fact its pretty much the opposite. It's just that this poor traumatized boy can't even comprehend that someone would want to date him.

And he's literally the prettiest boy in U.A. so you eventual gave up on trying to ask him out because you figured he probably just didn't like you.

Imagine this poor boys reaction when you stop talking to him everyday. He is crushed.

Would inevitably go to Midoriya for help. He doesn't understand his feelings for you and pretty much has to be informed by Midoriya that it's a crush. Unfortunately, Midoriya isn't all that good at confessions either. So obviously, the next best option is Bakugou.

Except that he also sucks ass in this situation... he'd tell poor confused Shouto to grow a pair or something.

Eventually Shouto goes through literally everyone in the class asking what to do. He gets tons of advice and multiple lessons and pep talks from the girls.

At this point you know how he feels before he even has the chance to ask you out... I mean he is constantly talking about it out loud in the hallways and in Class. There have been multiple note passing situations between him and Mina that resulted in a very pissed Aizawa, and a very embarrassed Shouto...

When he finally gathers enough information on this whole "crush" thing. He works up the courage to ask you out. You would obviously know what was happening, but please act surprised he's trying really hard.

He would ask you out in like the textbook way, With a little flair added by Mina and Denki.

He bought you red roses, and brought you to an extremely fancy restaurant. Like, dress code level fancy.

(Don't worry he's using Endeavors card please buy the most expensive thing on the menu)

He would be super uptight and formal at first, And it's really awkward.

But you were expecting that considering it's Shouto so you don't mind.

As long as you continue making conversation, he will calm down eventually, smiling softly at you from across the table while you tell some story about an annoying customer you dealt with at work yesterday or something.

He loves the sound of your voice and the way you get all riled up when you rant about something annoying. Or the way you talk with your hands when you're excited. He loves watching you just talk. He doesn't even need to say anything he just nods along, giving all of his attention to every word that comes out of your mouth.

By the end of your diner, the atmosphere is completely normal. Shouto's nerves have calmed down at that point, and his confidence is up a bit.

Once you leave the resteraunt, he offers his hand to you. He doesn't say anything. he just kinda puts his hand out and hopes you get the message. When you take his hand, he immediately starts leading you down the street.

You ask where he's taking you and he just says "it's a surprise.. you'll see when we get there."

And it is a long ass walk into the middle of nowhere. Like the literal bush. If it was anyone other than Shouto you would have thought you were being kidnapped.

Fortunately it is Shouto. So you've got nothing to worry about.. but you start to wonder how long this walk is going to last... he seems very concentrated.

Finally, you get to the spot. Emerging from the bush to see two pairs of ice skates a lake that is completely frozen.. which was obviously Shouto's doing considering its the middle of summer.

You would ice skate together for hours. Your hand in his, he would slow his pace down a bit because you are definitely an inferior skater to him.

(Which is why Denki and Mina suggested skating. Gotta give him as many opportunities as possible right?)

But in the end, he doesn't try anything. He doesn't want to push you to do something you're not comfortable with.

Even though a first date with Shouto would be extremely awkward. After a few months of dating, and quite a bit of reassurance that he didn't have to worry so much. He would come around.

I don't think he would be into pda like at all. He would definitely be on the shy side when it comes to physical affection. Although he does like to be the one who initiates it.

In public he would do small touches, like pulling on your sleeve to get you attention, Or brushing hair out of your face. He would hold pinkies with you if you were in a crowd. Telling you to keep close to him. (Or honestly you don't even have to be in a crowd, he's just worried about you)

"Stay close ok..? There's a lot of people her, you could get lost." He would say, squeezing your Pinky a bit.

He would hold your hand if the crowd got to chaotic, his grip firm but not to hard. A drop of sweat rolling down his forhead.

He's really scared of losing you. After all, who knows how long it would take to find you again, right? You could easily be ambushed by a villain. Or a civilian for that matter. I mean, normal businessmen can be just as dangerous as villains. Definitely a threat to your safety. Or at least that's what he's thinking.

I mean, can you really blame him? U.A. students and pro heroes alike get attacked almost daily. So it's not his fault if he's worried, right?

On the other hand if you were in private, he would be much more touchy.

Not gross touchy but like cute soft touchy y'know?

Like he would come up behind you if you were doing housework and stuff and just rest his chin on your head and follow you around while you do things. Every few minutes asking if you need help.

it would be the most menial things too. Like your just minding your own business, unloading the dish washer and there he is asking if you need help putting away a singular fork.

He just wants to make your life easier, but man, it is constant.

He would be so nervous to kiss you when you first start dating. He does not know how.

But surprisingly enough, I think he'd be naturally talented. Like he warns you in advance that he's never really done it before, and you're all prepared for the most awkward, stiff kiss of your life. And then, by some miracle, he's like a master kisser.

within a few makeout sessions you're experiencing mind-blowing, earth-shatering kisses with this man.

His hands definitely wander when you two are making out.

Not even on purpose, he's just doing it absent-mindedly.

But even though he doesn't realize what he's doing. You sure do.

I mean how can you not with his right hand running through your hair, holding your head in place as he kisses you. And his left hand is traveling up and down your back, under your shirt, in a rhythmic soothing motion that could probably put you to sleep if you weren't currently making out with Shoto Todoroki.

You are a fucking mess and this man has no idea what he's doing to make you act like this.

Try and keep your composure at least a little bit, or he might think you're sick and dying though.

Seriously the first time ya'll did anything spicy he probably got so freaked out by the sounds you were making.

You literally had to show him source material to convince him he wasn't hurting you and you weren't possessed.

It does make sense though. Like there's no way Endeavor ever gave him the talk..

So he is completely clueless and you basically have to give him the talk yourself. But once he gets the idea, he's... well, let's just say he's very.. well endowed.

(...The carpet matches the drapes...)

He would literally break your guys's 11th bed frame and he would just be like "oops."

Absolutely menace. Nobody wants to have to replace their bedframe that many times. Nevermind your bed sheets which also tend to get ruined.

It's a good thing you're both top pro heroes and absolutely loaded.

He would be so good at aftercare though. He cares about you so so much, so he would definitely pamper the shit out of you after ya'll do your thang.

He would run you a warm bath, heating to water up to the perfect temperature with his Quirk. He helps you into the bathtub, massaging the shampoo into your hair with the most gentle touch you have ever felt.

After he takes care of you and you both go to bed, you would have no trouble falling asleep.

Your bodies pressed against each other. Your head resting peacefully on his chest as he strokes your hair, breathing a sigh of relief. Just knowing you're there, with him, and your safe. That's enough to give him a good night's sleep.

I would literally die for him. If he needs a dog, I can meow 👍

[arrowheadedbitch]

Okay, I just spent, like over two hours talking about how a Leanna Firestone song (Tourniquet) is perfect for Shawn and I'll be damned if I don't make a post out of it so here we go, buckle up

Okay first of all, here's the song

Enjoy, it is VERY good

So let's get into this, yeah?

This includes my suicide attempt hc that I mentioned in a previous post in it

I have been listening to this song on loop and it's making me go just a touch feral

"You can get a new car, but you can't forget the way it sounds or feels to crash

High speed impact

Normally the first person I'd call was my dad"

But im imagining that hc/story we were talking about yesterday, so change the words tooooo.....🥁🥁🥁

"You can get a new car, but you can't forget the way it sounds or feels to crash

High speed impact

ALL BECAUSE THE FIRST PERSON I callED was my dad" AUDHDBJEHEJSJDJEJ

But, later on, I realised that the song ACTUALLY says "NO POLICE, the first person I called was my dad" NOT normally, which hits different in this context but doesn't actually change much

And like, him yelling it in front of everyoneeeee

Henry is THERE

They're all like....what do you mean by that...

He will not elaborate but now they know that apparently something bad happened to him because he called his dad?

"Shawn, what are you talking about"

Shawn does the dramatic "I said something I shouldn't have" hand over mouth clasp

He freezes, he stumbles over his words, then he makes a run for it

Everyone is just standing there confused as hell

It's such a not shawn thing to yell out and do tho that even Henry is slightly concerned

Or maybe just confused

Or offended at the implication that he somehow hurt shawn so bad with some random phonecall

And now there are a bunch of people needling him to tell them about wtf he was talking about

Pressuring him to tell them about this traumatic event

ESPECIALLY Gus, who would normally be in the loop about something like this so he's extremely concerned and maybe even a little hurt that Shawn won't tell him

Even Henry, who usually doesn't give a shit about this kind of thing, is trying to get it out of him

He mostly just wants to know what the hell shawn is blaming him for this time lol

But he doesn't get how serious this is

None of them do, that's why they keep trying to get it out of him

They just assume it's another one of those silly things he always has going on, not, yknow....SUICIDE

Not even his mom knows, maybe they'd try to call his mom bc he tells her pretty much everything and find out she ALSO doesn't know

Then they're like....Gus doesn't know......his mom doesn't know.....holy shit maybe this is serious

"Some people die before they're dead!

Building collapse, pressure outweighs the pain

I don't feel sad

I don't feel ANYTHING

Only will when the blood returns

But I'd rather be numb then know how bad I'm hurt"

Someone save my boy

He is emotionally constipated

His mom also might fly down to figure out what's happening after she gets that call

So now literally EVERYONE is bugging him about this

Poor Shawn, there's even a THERAPIST needling him about this traumatic event now 😭😭😭

And everybody wants to know

At this pace he's gonna become a hermit so he doesn't have to tell anyone 😭😭😭😭

"So, I'll keep the tourniquet on

I'll block it out and off

Cuz I don't need anyone

I don't need anyone

I don't need anyone at all

If I keep the tourniquet on"

I think all of this would lead to Shawn blowing up on then, maybe he'd say something that accidentally gives away more of what happened but I don't think he'll be able to bring himself to actually say out loud what happened, at least not to them

Because, well, emotional constipation, anyone?

He wouldn't talk about his feelings at gun point

"Maybe we always start

Back where we end

Don't know if I'm God

Or if I'm sisyphus"

But maybe change to

"I try to act like God

But I'm just sisyphus"

Or something similar

Now, to get into a SECOND POINT ABOUT THE SAME SONG HAHA!

So, this first part has been about Shawn saying the stuff in the song or just really good lines that he would relate to

But this next part is more of an....application for all of this

Imagine with me, if you will

Shawn does a few artsy stuff like....drawing that he doesn't really like to show off a lot, so imagine this,

/Shawn would totally be a good songwriter/

Imagine he wrote a few songs as more of like journal/vent things and he never wants them to see the light of day

This is while him and Jules are together btw

So, Juliet finds out about the songs, he tries to brush them off bc he doesn't like to think about them and he doesn't want her to see them, that kind of thing, but she reads it as insecurity

This is the same woman who went around Lassies back to plan him a birthday party and accidentally invited a bunch of criminals, so, I don't think it's that big a stretch that she would try to do something to make him feel better about his music and go behind his back a little to do it so she can *surprise* him

She grabs the first complete song she can get her hands on, maybe glances through it but makes the mistake of not reading it thoroughly and submits it to a song writing competition, if it loses, Shawn will never know, if it wins, boom! Boost in his self esteem about his songs!

A win-win plan, really

And the song she grabbed was the Shawn version of Tourniquet we've been talking about, obviously

Yeah, it's *her* turn to do something for *him* with good intentions that ends up being awful, she's not gonna be in the doghouse for this one...she's going straight to the pound

The prize for winning the contest? Well, a celebrity sings it of course!

And...well Juliet may have overlooked that it's sung.....on live television...

All classic song writing prizes, maybe you can win a record deal and a bunch of money too or whatever

Not that Shawn would care about any of that

Anyways, her and Shawn go to the place where they're announcing the winners, you know? Big party. Shawn doesn't know what it's about but he's having fun, probably solving a case here too!

But then he wins....

It's the big finale, announce the winner and sing the song on stage and on camera

"And, this song will be our grand finale! The winning song of the song writing contest will be revealed and sung!" So the singer gets on stage and Shawn is all smiles until he hears "And this song is...🥁🥁🥁 Tourniquet by Shawn Spencer!"

And Shawn is going through all the stages of grief, he turns to Jules all "What the fuck did you do" (Perhaps first time she hears him legit cuss??) [Ty Luka]

And suddenly Juliet realises that she should have read the lyrics a bit closer before submitting it

It's the first time she's seen him ANGRY because he is about to get angry

They get in an argument, Shawn storms off, she feels bad

But, the song was on LIVE TELEVISION

Everyone saw it! Everyone HEARD them attribute it to him!

And they don't know he wasn't in on it! They have no reason to believe he's upset about winning!

So, when he shows up at the station, everyone is trying to talk to him about it!

It's AWFUL

Gus is asking about it, but he stopped pretty quick when he noticed how pissed Shawn seemed about it

Henry's been calling him

He's been not answering, obviously

Juliet tries to talk it out with shawn but he's not having it right now, "Shawn, I-"

"You, shut up, you are in the /pound/!"

"*gasp* the pound?"🥺😢

"THE POUND"

And Lassie was gonna give him a hard time and ask questions but he saw that interaction and realised that he shouldn't touch this with a five foot fucking pole

The precinct feels oddly tense today because well....no one's ever seen SHAWN SPENCER so ANGRY

Or really angry at all

He really powers through solving this case and is actually pretty scary the whole time and he won't talk to Jules, they are not in speaking terms right now

Anything that he would normally go to Jules about, he goes to Carlton and acts like she's not even there while he gets Lassiter to do whatever it is he needs

No fun nicknames either, but what really hits? When he HAS to address jules.....he calls her Detective O'hara

So she REALLY knows she's in trouble

Obviously she's gonna do anything she can to make it better, we know Jules

So she asks around for advice on what she should do

Talks to anyone who will listen really, Lassie, Gus, she even goes to Henry

[Side note, I've been imagining she heard the song, like it was playing all throughout so they could hear it a little muffled from the spot they were arguing at, but she probably missed a good chunk because of the arguing and talking, though her not having heard it would be a really interesting turn to take! She doesn't know what was wrong with the song, only the aftermath, that could be interesting]

Anyway, she gets mostly the same advice, let Shawn cool down and then work it out

But, since she talked to Henry, he now knows that not only did Shawn not submit that song, he's pissed that it played at all

Which will affect the way he treats Shawn when they inevitably talk later

Instead of thinking Shawn did this to get back at him, he knows these were private thoughts that were shared against his will, so he'll be a little less defensive and accusatory

Gus doesn't know what exactly the song was about, but he gets to be the most in the know since he's the only person Shawn is really actually talking to right now

A lot of ranting to Gus about this, of course

Lassie has the least know of the situation because an angry shawn is a startlingly untalkative shawn

Shawn takes a week or two to stop being so completely pissed

He talks to Henry at some point, they probably have a moment or something, but he won't tell anyone what the song was meant to be about

Eventually he calms down enough to let Jules talk to him again and she gets to apologize profusely and work her way off the shit list

And now everyone knows about the depth to shawns character that he didn't want them to know about so he'll just have to slowly chip away at that by going back to being the town idiot as usual

Maybe he agrees to sell his songs as long as his name doesn't go on any of them, I dunno

Everything goes back to normal...eventually, but it takes...a while

So shawn ends it just as emotionally constipated as before but now everyone KNOWS he's emotionally constipated

Everyone gets to go "holy shit, this kid actually has emotional depth?!?!??"

And Henry gets to sit and wonder what he did to Shawn that was a "crash", what phone call? What did he do?

And Yeah, most of them forget probably

But also, there's that inkling of.......is he really okay?

Always in the back of his friends minds

Because

They /heard/ the song

Juliet goes over board trying to make up for it in a way that's so endearing shawn can't help but smile

And forgive her, but only after the third pineapple/hj

Gus is a little concerned but he knows Shawn doesn't want to talk about it so he let's it go

Lassie tries not to pry but he's still feeling kind of awkward about it (what is he supposed to do in this situation? Anything? Should he even care? Should be be on O'Hara's side because they're friends? Shawn's side because he was the one wronged? Anyone's side at all? Should he say something? Welp, he just won't do anything, maybe)

Buzz has no idea what's going on but did try to comfort Shawn a few times and it was sweet

Buzz never knows what's going on with the main four but we love him anyway

Henry has the song on loop trying to figure out what he did and if there's something he should do or say about it

And someone should definitely get Shawn a therapist but they don't

And the whole song is soooooo about his dad

So about his dad it hurts

Tho Gus is a little offended at the "I don't need anyone" part and he makes sure his thoughts on that are known

"I spend every night

With the TV on

I can't bear to be

Alone with my own thoughts"

And now you guys won't be able to stop thinking about this either, MUAHAHAHAHA

To the people who talked to me on discord, thank you!

@mores0 @storm-cloud-lightning

And also @j-snapdragon who joined right at the end

[who-dat-homeless]

My big take on why spock did undertake Kolinahr despite being more comfortable with the "human part" of himself at the end of the season three is that the the whole five year mission (and especially you can see it in season three) was questioning his belonging to vulcan-kind. And not (only) in a way of "haha you're feeling in emotion YOU'RE A FOCKEN HUMANNNNNNN!!!!"

I need you to understand that he experienced very traumatizing events, that questions his "vulcanity"(akin to humanity, man idk how else to call it).

tw: mention of rape

Like let's just for the sake of this post imagine that the main "humanity" defying things are bodily autonomy and our free will. And when a human gets raped they are a) objectified/sexualised in the process b) sometimes afterwards a person objectifies themselves as a coping mechanism, either way this traumatic thing breaks a bond between a person and their sense of "humanity"

Back to spock - in season three we have two episodes that deliberately and violently break his bond with his vulcan identity. We have "plato children" and "all our yesterdays". In both episodes Spock is forced to go against Surak's teachings - the very essence of being a vulcan (to spock ofc)

In Plato children, Spock was forced to show emotions and then even endangered kirk, and I need to point out the method of how it was forced upon him - his body was controlled, i.e. he himself, in his mind, did understand that it was wrong, he didn't wanted it and he was mentally present while this thing was happening to him. Like the whole thing was awful and absolutely horrible for him and it's generally, without joking, a fuking traumatizing event for him, and I personally think he would've come back to it and go through a mental hell all over again. And I also want to notice that at least his mind was under his own control.

Which is not the case with All of our yesterdays. In that episode (however fucking stupid I think it is for lore contradictions and implications and etc.) Spock loses control not only over his body, he loses control over his mind. Basically everything that was happening in the plato children (showing emotions, forced intimacy etc) is present in the episode, but on top of that spock is forced to actually like it. And i need to emphasise it HE'S GOING THROUGH THE SAME FUCKING TRAUMATIC EVENT OF BREAKING HIS IDENTITY AND THIS TIME HIS MIND CONTROLLED TO LIKE THIS ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST HIS BEING!!! HELLLOOOOOO

And I think there's a difference between "we're trying to show spock that he's also a bit human" and "we're breaking spock's vulcan identity". In the first one we're still acknowledge Spock as vulcan, but also proposing that he might try embracing an additional identity, in the second one we're just breaking his sense of self.

And I think that this two instances(and maybe others that I forgor lol) is the root of why he undertook Kolinahr. And then, on top of that root cause of "I've lost the sense of being vulcan" there was this problem with "oh god I think I've become too human"

And also I think the time at starfleet just generally changed him so fucking much that at some point he(metaphorically) just didn't recognize himself in the mirror.

So I think Kolinahr was a kind of an attempt to return to his old (outdated) self, regaining his "vulcanity". Though at the end of the day he's not a human nor he's vulcan, he's not the sum of his separate identities but something more grate than that, that's why he failed Kolinahr, that's why he came to terms with who he is

[madmilkproductionplant]

(warning for injection/needle stuff ⚠️💥💥 idk if you’re into that or not im sorry. feel free to throw this ask out if it ain’t your thing. love this blog btw. sorry)

i need to yap a little ive been obsessed with the idea of cockwarming medic while he gives you a round of shots…..he pulls you into his lap to ‘ease your nerves’ but he’s already painfully hard from just the thought of doing this. (this is where i remember he like. canonically loves needles and pushing them into people. haha. lol. Lol.)

he grabs hold of your wrist and starts feeling for the vein, drinking in the way you squirm around him as he prolongs it, other hand holding the syringe just out of reach. as he pushes it in the way your whole body tenses up in pain almost makes him lose his temper and start fucking up into you right then and there.

he praises you for taking it so well and you’re not sure whether he means the needle or his cock. but he absolutely will not fuck you properly until you’ve taken all the shots, four or five more, and by then you’re a panting, writhing mess stretched around him. (since im a huge masochist i like to imagine i’d have already cum once just from the feeling of it all and he gives me no time to recover first. Waow.)

. crawls back into my hole. Sorry. Im gross. Sorry

dont be sorry, this is fucking awesome!!

the way he’d groan at my cunt tightening around him with each shot, how i’d whimper from both pain and pleasure, the contrast between his cold hands on me and his warm cock inside me, man that’s hot

jeez, he could even give me a shot right in the dick to make me squirm extra, pet my hair with his free hand while he injected my sensitive little cock with whatever he wanted

i’d love to do this while he gives me t shots i think i’d go crazy with horny, him pulling the needle out and feeling up my thighs, telling me how strong and muscular i’m gonna get

also i used to have balls of steel but after one rather traumatic experience i’m a total bitch around needles and would probably pass out when he stuck me, and wouldn’t it be nice to wake up again to his cock inside me and his warm lips on my clammy neck, comforting me and at the same time prepping the next shot, knowing i’m going to pass out again.. ough

and then he fucks me til i see stars for being so good and taking the needles <3

again, feel free to yap anytime!! if it’s not on the dislike list feel free to talk abt it :D

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 1 thoughts

here we goooooo!

(i started to imagine the sound of a really long and celebratory air horn to commemorate starting s2... but then that mental sound was awful so we ended that pretty quick)

it opens with mulder providing some gentle asmr about aliens and space with a thinly disguised undercurrent of rage in his voice, nice...

he starts talking about a guy named "richard bryan" cutting an alien survey program and that is such a generic name i figured they made it up for the show. and wrote "haha wouldn't it be funny if that was a real guy. and they made this whole episode just to mess with him."

chat. you're never gonna believe this. richard bryan was real and he did in fact cut the alien program. how do you think he felt being name dropped here? neeeeed to get his side of the story

(they also talk about the voyager a bit here which is really cool i won't lie)

now, what has our duo been up to in the time away from the x files? mulder is listening to men talk about lap dances and spitting sunflower seeds... i am not surprised here... all in the name of Research...

but scully is teaching at the academy!!! oh this delighted me to no end!

she starts getting emotional over the concept of a life being contained within tissue and her student is like "you sound spooky" ha. ha. i see what they did there. mulder you're a terrible influence.

they run into each other and she is so happy to see him but he totally blows her off! i was so sad!!!!

AUGH HE HAS HIS SISTER'S PHOTO ON HIS NEW DESK. aughhh man hold on. hold on.

scully is waiting outside watergate (wild they hadn't rebranded at that point tbh) for a shadowy figure and it is mulder! a very cranky and tired looking mulder! he's like we shouldn't be meeting, what do you need me for.... omg rude??

"so what did you want?" "to see if you're alright" (sound of me being sucked into emotional quicksand rapidly)

to answer her question of "are you okay" he begins to ramble about telescopes which is very in character

he says he saw deep throat's funeral but i remain suspicious....

the x files project being shut down has destroyed the man we used to know as mulder! he says that he isn't even sure if what happened to his sister is real anymore! they killed his spirit! "seeing isn't enough... i need solid evidence. i learned that from you" HEY OUCH?????

he's on the ground filled with a deep sadness and she runs her fingers through his hair, at which point i made this note: "y'all i'm only on season 2 i can't do this. i'm gasping so aggressively my mouth is hurting" so safe to say that i will be in for a hell of a ride moving forward... keep me in ur thoughts

baby fox flashback! we see his sister's abduction, which is obviously supposed to be very heavy and traumatic but i was laughing at the skinny little alien throwing her through the window lmaooo i love you 90's cgi <3

PAUSE. we see mulder waking up in a cold sweat from reliving his worst memory. but i see something new in the background: a fish tank in his room. this is a striking development that shall not slip by unnoticed.

and then some guy bursts into his room? and takes him to "the hill" to meet with a politician, who keeps calling him fox? who says they're being listened to? and tells him he needs to go to puerto rico where they're hiding evidence?

(tbh that sequence raised a lot more questions than it answered but i did love that mulder can name the bach piece that is being played because of his college music class lol)

SKINNER MENTIONED!!!! okay i figured out who he is: he's the one with the glasses and the fancy desk and the sidekick who is ALWAYS smoking. glad to have a name to the face. like yeah he was there last season but i had other things to focus on i guess.

cutscene to mulder lounging in a truck bed in puerto rico. niiiice. climbing compilation- niiiiiiice. and busting things open? hell yeah niiiiice

gasp... scully broke into his place (which i think is an entirely new set? or at least from a different angle. but um. okay i'll try and ignore that. but can anyone confirm or deny...?)

anyway she puts her glasses on and slips into password guessing mode and succeeds... i would have thought the FBI would keep tighter passwords on their personal devices than "trustno1" but hey maybe he did that so she could strategically break in!

and some dudes bust in and ask why she's here so she's like ummm i feed the fish lol.....

(and then she refuses to endanger the fish by overfeeding them because that's the type of person she is... and if it provides cover for sneaking out something printed from his computer well that's just a bonus!)

back to puerto rico!! guy in the bathroom reveal!!! mulder cannot speak spanish (smh mulder you were supposed to be the humanities one) but the dude draws a picture of an alien so i guess that proves that art is a universal language <3

scully is taking his paper she printed to some guy to analyze idk her freckles were distracting me again. sorry. NOT! i refuse to apologize. not during june.

(but she goes through some flight records and sees his alias and realizes where he's going and follows)

again, back to puerto rico! our new friend jorge is running for his life into a storm so our patient pal mulder naturally runs after him. into the jungle. and ohhhh jorge is dead now? that was quick.

he does a DIY autopsy on jorge while speaking into the voice recorder- which he addresses as "scully", while sounding like he is going to get sick, kicking things, sweating profusely, and doubting himself. hell yeah baby this is tv! i wanna see that man in situations!

"before i could only trust myself, now i can only trust you, and they've taken you away from me... my life up until this point has been about seeing her again, but what would i do if they really came?"

(now the first part of that is WILD. they've taken you away from me. that phrasing... also, they have successfully gotten the man to doubt his entire existence. sneaky little fbi trick there, making "trust no one" include himself)

BUT the skinny legend aliens return and he is brought back to his sense quickly. he gave it a good go (shot at it a bunch of times) but weirdly the gun didn't fire... probably a good thing. imagine the complications to alien diplomacy that would create!

he wakes up on the floor to scully explaining who she is and asking if he remembers her. he bolts awake, grabs her shoulders, and says that it was the same alien that took his sister. she is already deeply concerned when he then kicks aside a dead body and says we have to analyze it and her face in this moment was delightful. it was very much giving "mulder you're scaring me" just with the eyes

she has to make him realize they can't smuggle a body back to the states OR any of the paperwork really so he just grabs an audio thing that was clearly a better choice. but i want to know how he thought they were gonna get jorge out of there. because the alien hunters were coming to kill him and speed is hard enough for alive people.

"evidence doesn't matter if you're dead!" -dr. dana scully

they crash their way through the jungle, getting shot at and generally destroying what i'm sure is a very important ecosystem but still. they made it out! sorry to the environment </3

mulder gets called into skinner's office (i know that guy's name now!!! i'm so proud) and yelled at for blowing off his case work... and cigarette sidekick is also yelling at him but skinner kicks ciggy man out... is he... an ally? he tells him to go back to work on the job mulder finished like 2 weeks ago...... okay so what i'm seeing here is a boss who is willing to let a man pursue his passions

at the very end we see our duo reunited and it appears the audio he smuggled out of puerto rico had nothing recorded on it!

she tries to encourage him and he seems to be doing better: "i may not have the x files, scully, but i still have my work... (looong pause) and i still have you... (looong pause) and i still have myself" <- okay so looks like we're getting our boy back!!! who cheered?! meee!

he returns to the recording of men discussing strippers and she grasps his hand and then leaves him to his task...

BUT! the minute she leaves, he puts the first audio file back on and it seems to be working now... so why didn't he want her to know???

what is going on!!! i thought "trust no one" would logically mean mulder not trusting himself, but to not trust scully? well, this is madness! what have they done to the man?!

i suppose i will have no choice but to stay tuned and see if his mental state improves a bit with the return of the aliens...

i was really excited to start s2 and i took a lot of notes even for me LMAO some of which i cut out because it would take me forevvvver to capture all of my thoughts in even more detail than i have here but-

as the kids say: we are sooooooo back baby!!!!

[crushedsweets]

OK I NEED TO CLEAR MY ASKBOX

IM JUST GONNA ANSWER A TON OF THEM HERE SO I DONT CLOG UP MY FEED....

hi >.<

this is so fucking sweet i remembered how happy i was when i first got my car. i cried everyday for a week straight because i was so happy. very glad yall got to watch me get my first car. i spend over an hour in her every day commuting now. LMFAOOO (i named her lindsay btw) ((after tdi lsinday)). im so sorry im late but thank you so much this meant sm !!! <3

you asked me this in august im evil oh my god. anyway i aagree. but i am always inclined to forever think he's a midwest emo guy. twin sized mattress forever

SHE NEEDS AND DESERVES SO MANY.

im immediately inclined to say clocky or toby the second i see time and fire mentions. so ticciwork. my clocky is often a bit messy so she'd be pissed and angry and upset over the sort of war she's found herself in, especially as she sees toby just falling deeper into it. 'my god, was i oblivious?' when she finally realizes toby will always, always put Slenderman before her. frustrating. 'hell stays hungry for a world so weak' natalie is hungry for a good world, but she thinks everyone is too weak for goodness, meanwhile toby is hungry for power so he can make everyone else seem weak. etc. 'they only want you to bleed' they being slendy, operator, zalgo, etc etc etc... power, being a pawn, fighting, using humans as toys in a battlefield, etc etc.. yeah

RELEASE ME JOEY

i genuinely think nina is a really good influence on so many of the creeps. like theyre all assholes, traumatized, refuse to believe in the good in the world, etc etc. but nina is traumatized and still kickin. she comes in like ^_^ hello chat. and i think that, while its still important to feel the shitty feelings, it's really grounding to see someone whos just so .. able to be happy. idk. someone who SEEKS joy, rather than expects it to fall into their lap, and blames the world when it doesnt

this si perfect idk why i forgot about bats for him. gotta get back into this idea

AHHH OK I WILL DO MORE EVENTUALLY i just wanna say thank yewww i think theyre such a good sibling dynamic. like little brothers and big sisters and both being little assholes to eachother but would die for the other. idk. ugh. important to me.

actually this sounds really sweet..... thats funny cuz i was JUST talking to a friend about who i would have EJ go endgame with if i had to, but i couldnt settle on anyone. but liu seems like a good fit for ej. i think they'd be super sweet

ANON ME TOO AHHHH ITS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE FUCKING THING EVER. I DONT GAF ABOUT EVIL MEAN 'CANON' SLENDER I LOVE WHEN HE'S A DAD AND WORRIES AND STRESSES. IEPFB AND KASTOWAYS SLENDY>

AH THANK YOU!!! he reminds me of my little cousins HAHA theyre like 10-14 right now and theyre all cuties.... just playing roblox and being mischievous...

THIS IS ABOUT THE BLUSHING NAT DRAWING ISNT IT AHAH OMG THANK YOU!!! i think shes so cute. i know she cant handle compliments. she's either deadpanned 'thanks' or just covers her face and says 'shut up' cuz she doesnt know what to do.

I LOVE HER TOO!!!

GOOD NEWS THEN ive drawn her a handful of times since u sent this HAHA TYSM

you sent like... natobina i think... ok tbh kinda slaps

OK REAL but also when i read it i keep reading it as 'cochina' and i cannot bring myself to name the throuple that </3 HAHA

TBH AHAHA I SEE IT. TOBYS AMETHYST GARNETS NATALIE AND NINA IS STEVEN.

i want jeff to ache in his loneliness

i need to draw connie asap but also THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR THE CAR CONGRATS I REALLY APPRECIATE IT IM SO HAPPY I LOVE MY CAR SO MUCH i gotta go vaccuum her..

shes such a cat to me. feline. of sorts, if you will

also good news for you anon, i have also drawn her an ungodly amount of times since youve sent this. LOL

THEYRE MY ANGELS I HAVE MORE OF THEM !!! I LOVE THEM!! AHHHGGG

literally the second that people tell me i made them start to like clocky i am overwhelmed with joy. i feel so much ache when people aren't fond of her bc shes so fucking cool and such a good character and so much fun. so sad that 2015 era creepypasta fandom destroyed her. but im here to fix it...

IM SORRY ANON I BARELY DRAW HIM HES JUST SO BOYISH I LAUGH EVERYTIME I SEE HIM FKAHAHAAH OK OKOK ILL CHANGE ILL DRAW HIM I SWEAR

I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST STARTED DOING EMOJI ANONS BAHAHA u guys r funny

incredibly. happy. to do this to u.

nope! im not too interested in the 2021 nina just cuz i feel like i've seen that character concept many times (not just in jane), BUT if i had to do my own intepretation of her, 2021 nina would be INCREDIBLY immature in like. not a childish way, but an entitled, angry-fueled adult who cannot comprehend anyone else's thoughts/feelings. and thus, would despise OG nina (although within reason, OG nina idolizes the person who killed her family) . but even if there wasnt a good reason to dislike OG nina, she'd be mean. and OG nina would be mad and bitch. and theyd theyd fight. HAHA

I-IF...???????? ANON?

HELD TO THE FUCKING BRIM

[acemakes-art143]

Uhhh I may have accidentally clicked unfollow because I thought it said follow like a sleep deprived dumbass.

Anyways..

Please, I request of thee, infodump about this ship named Suntan. I know very little. And I wish to know more.

EEEEEEEEEEEEE YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY SUNTAN!!!!!!!!!! also it's fine no worries it happens lol

OK SO idk how much I can say about them without spoilers for omori BUT I will ramble about how much I love these little gays hehehehehe

First, I guess, is talk about the characters individually

Kel. This guy:

he is an absolute ball of sunshine, silly little guy, love him. Tall boi. This guy's TALL. He plays basketball. Does he have ADHD? Most likely! Is he a little stupid? Absolutely! And I love him for it. He just silly. He is the kind of person who would accidentally burn the water while cooking, haha! This is also my favorite character in omori btw I love him he's so silly and goofy and I love him!!

LGBTQ+ Headcanons: panromantic asexual trans boy (he/him but he probably would be completely chill with they/them if someone used it)

Next up: sunny. That's him:

This guy. He doesn't really like to talk much (in other posts I've talked about a headcanon I have for him but basically I think he has a notepad or smth that he carries around to write things instead of verbally talking). VERY traumatized. Definitely needs therapy. Does he get it? Nope! He has his tall sunshine boyfriend instead :)

Now, you may also see him shown with an eye patch on one eye, or a scarred eye, or something similar. This, without saying too much because it would be spoilers, is because his eye got hurt towards the very end of the game, so people (the fandom) gave him the scar/eye patch for post-game fanart/fan animations/comics/etc.

LGBTQ+ Headcanons: demi-biromantic asexual maybe demiboy? (he/they)

Now the main event: SUNTAN!!!!!!!!!

The name: sun(ny) + tan (kel)

Other names that I hear commonly are sunkel (just sunny + kel) and CapriSun.

Think: sweet happy extroverted ball of sunshine character x sad also sweet introverted and very traumatized/unstable character

Such a good dynamic I love them so much and they're so cute and AAAAA I can't talk about their relationship in the game at all because I don't know how much I can say before I reach spoiler territory and I want you my lovely mutual to go into the game 100% blind (or at least 90% blind) so yeah uh BUT they do interact a lot and i mean they're bestfriends so let them be boyfriends right?

Hehehe ok that's all I can think of to say about them here have some of the Suntan fanart I've found that I love a lot

This one was done by me while watching a movie! It's a little old, but it still looks so cute! Maybe I'll redraw it and make it even better! My shading style has definitely improved since this one, if nothing else.

And yeah! That's my Suntan ramble/infodump that mostly consisted of talking about the characters individually because I really really REALLY don't want to accidentally spoil anything even minor things because it's so so so good if you just go into the game fully blindly so hope you get the game soon and enjoy my funny rambles :D

[crayolacolor]

simon infinitytrain?

send me a character and i'll list the below things about them | accepting!

HELLO ANON. i do not know if you'll ever see this because it took me ten years, but here i am, answering you.

FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM:

fun fact: simon infinity train is the reason i have a disclaimer about me getting attached to tragic antagonists in my pinned post. so you can probably make an educated guess what i like about him.

he's just. such a well written character. i love how his negative character development was contrasted against grace's positive character development. i love how the writers did a really good job of making him infuriating and sympathetic at the same time.

i'll go more into my thoughts on him in a later section, but yeah, the tl:dr is he really just is my character type hahaha.

he's just a really complex character and imo the writers nailed that.

LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT THEM:

okay well, this answer changes depending on if you mean from a writing perspective or a 'him as a person' perspective. from a writing perspective, 100/10, no notes. i can't think of anything i disliked.

from a PERSON perspective. episode 6 makes me want to murder this man <3 i want to put tape over his mouth every time he speaks in that episode. it's somehow WAY worse than when he's just straightup being an over-dramatic anime villain at the end of the season.

FAVORITE LINE:

oh there are many. i need to rewatch again. but the ones that live in my brain rent free are ALL after his downward spiral begins:

"teamwork begins with two people trusting eachother. but you? you're no person." dramatic effect. extremely traumatizing for everybody who's ever watched this show. 10/10

"i liked what we had, but you made me do it! you betrayed the apex. and you betrayed me." again, dramatic effect. really gives you a feel for what's going on in his head, i think. 10/10

"why would i ever want to change if i'm always right!?" iconic. i think this is the one people remember the most from him, along with the one from ep 5.

BROTP & OTP (combining because my answer is the same for both):

grace. lol. full stop. hopefully i don't have to explain that i am VERY AWARE that their relationship was unhealthy in many, MANY ways. that is what i like about it. i'm a huge fan of messy relationships in fiction. i am a self proclaimed angst fiend.

the tragedy of it all is 100% the appeal of it for me, from either a platonic OR romantic standpoint. i love that. and yes, i do ship them to an extent- but NOT in the "i think they should have gotten together in canon" way. again, the angst is the appeal!!

i admit i do also enjoy aus where they fix their relationship, but not INSTEAD of the canon, more so in ADDITION to the canon. i think it's a fun alternate route to explore, but i deeply adore what the infinity train writers did with them in the show and that will not be changing.

NOTP:

literally any of the protags from the previous seasons. y'all, simon and grace are 18. you can't be shipping them with the 13-14 year olds. please stop. (nobody here! i mostly see this on ao3, honestly.)

RANDOM HEADCANON:

i think simon has been back to the cat multiple times in secret.

i really like the theory that he got some of the apex's tech from her. the main thing i have to support this is this line from the episode where he returns to her cabin in book 3:

"i knew you'd have something. you always do."

particularly i think there's a good chance he got the unmodified gravity boots from her (and likely modified them himself) and possibly also the number tracker.

UNPOPULAR OPINION:

oh i'm sure a lot of what i've already said has been an unpopular opinion, haha. i'm one of those people that's so in the middle in a debate that both sides of it have reasons to disagree with me.

i really like simon. he and grace are my favorite characters in the show. there are parts where i feel really bad for him, and parts where i want to yell at him and hit him over the head with a very large stick.

i see his death as a tragedy in universe, but also a really good writing choice on the part of the infinity train crew.

i don't think they secretly had a scheme to make us dislike him. i think it was written in such a way that it makes sense that some people would have a viscerally negative reaction to him, and others wouldn't. he's a very complex character and that's good writing!!!

i think the tragedy was the point, which is something both people who like him and people who hate him seem to completely overlook in a lot of cases. it's either "woohoo! simon died!" or "killing simon was bad writing he should have been redeemed >:/" not "oh this is really sad but i love it from a story perspective."

i don't think he was "irredeemable", per-say. the fact is, he was faced with a pivotal choice in episode five, and he picked the wrong one. he chose to double-down. i love that. i really do. i love the downward spiral. it's painful in the best way. i would not change the canon show for the world. again, 100/10, no notes.

but i can also see a universe where he made the right choice. i was writing a fic about that, once. (which admittedly has some characterization issues which i would fix if i tried it again.) i think it was possible. and i think that's a fun route to explore too. not a better route from a writing standpoint, but a good one.

i have so many more thoughts but this has already gotten really long, and i have two more questions to go, lol. but if you want to hear anymore you're free to send me another ask about it!

but, for now, moving on.

SONG I ASSOCIATE WITH THEM:

someone else on tumblr pointed out that "the moon will sing" by the crane wives is a good fit for simon @ grace and now i can't unhear it.

and, finally, FAVORITE PICTURE OF THEM:

anime villain simon my beloved.

[randomly--accessed--memories]

Is Alastor aware of Vox’s children - specifically his daughter?

Personally I interpret that Vox was probably a parent who played favorites [unintentional or intentional] and assuming his relationship with his son was likely strained - Vox gave his daughter more attention & affection. Making the memories pop in a bittersweet way.

I could see Alastor being conflicted, depending on if he knew about Vox’s children before he reduced his former friend turned enemy to static. Alastor assuming he was a terrible father [easy assumption because it’s… Vox lol] and feeling so disgusted with a man who already fell into his distaste. We know Alastor’s daddy issues, I can’t imagine him being comfortable with a [absent father at best, neglectful & emotionally abusive father at worst] around unless he were his little plaything.

I can think of so many ways Alastor could torture Vox psychologically with this knowledge. Gaslighting Vox into thinking a porcelain doll is actually his baby, allowing him to get attached to said doll for a while — only to shatter it right in front of him.

“Oh! Well, you can always make a new one! Haha!”

Alastor’s pettiness levels are 100% showing here as the mentality of “replacing the old with the new” that Vox used to spout out constantly is being used — in reference to his “baby”.

Of course Vox is absolutely distraught, feebly sputtering and trying to pick up the broken pieces of the doll before quickly devolving into pure rage.

“I trusted you! She’s my daughter!”

Alastor is merely grinning, laughing even. Right at Vox’s face. Vox is cursing him out using every word in the book, get violent almost immediately - and if any of the hotel residents are there all Hell will break loose.

Alastor could also just say “Oh she’s dead.” Anytime Vox asks where his daughter is… that’s a lot simple than what I just wrote lol.

But yeah neat little scenario I wanted to explore, I absolutely love love love this AU!! Everything is so well-written and thought out! I hope I didn’t write Alastor too evil, or Vox too pathetic(?) :p

- 🐚

OH JEEZ

Yeah, Vox was... not a great dad. He just wasn't around most of the time and saw his role as breadwinner as the only thing he really needed to do in order to be a Good Father™. He loved his kids in his own, self-absorbed way, but just wasn't involved with them in any meaningful manner. He was never abusive towards them but still managed to traumatize them through the constant, vicious arguments he would get into with their mother. You're right though, he did prefer Sarah (his younger child) to Thomas (his elder child) quite a bit, and she ended up with far more fond memories of him because of it.

Alastor is vaguely aware that Vox was a father when he was alive, but never felt any desire to delve into that aspect of his life. Vox lowkey compulsively overshares with the people he'd attracted to and Alastor ended up learning a lot more about Vox than he really wanted to back when they were friends. I'd never thought about how he would feel about what kind of father Vox was though– that's an interesting concept.

My HC backstory for Alastor is that he was born out of wedlock and never knew his biological father. At age 6, he and his mother left his grandparents' house and moved in with his mother's white cousin and her husband, who agreed to pretend Alastor (who was white-passing) was their son in exchange for his mother working as their maid. When Al was 11, he caught a glimpse of his mother having sex with his "adoptive father"– he'd threatened to kick her and Alastor out of the house if she didn't agree to sleep with him. He grew to loathe the man and eventually smothered him to death while he was recovering from the Spanish Flu that had swept through the house and claimed his mother's life.

With that context, I don't think Alastor would begrudge Vox for being a neglectful father that much since he just sort of sucked in a way that most men from that time period sucked. He'd see Vox's memories of his children in a similar way as he sees Vark; irrelevant and harmless, but a weak point he could easily exploit if he felt it was necessary.

The concept of the doll is fucking brutal. Al would probably be aware of how easily Vox projects memories of Sarah onto various people/things since it happens occasionally with Niffty, but I think that'd be a type of torment restricted to when he's feeling especially sadistic for whatever reason. Alastor thinks of himself as having standards, although he's willing to bend on some of them if he can think of a good justification and already wants to do it. So yeah, basically Vox's kids are off-limits until they're Not anymore.

Thank you for the compliments! I'm glad you're enjoying it! I really appreciate long, elaborate scenarios like this; they give me a chance to talk about so many different things and get me to consider elements that I hadn't previously thought of.

[luveline]

Hii it’s the anon you asked about maternity leave! I’m also british I just forgot for a moment that Steve isn’t LOL

based on what that other anon said what do you think reader and Steve’s experience/dynamic is when she takes leave/gets to the end of her pregnancy/gives birth??

So sorry for all this random questions and I’m sure you haven’t thought of this yet and I’m just confusing you lmao- it’s just one of my fav au and I like knowing alllll the little details haha

Hi anon! Im glad you saw it and it could answer your question!!!! Please don't be sorry for the question, you're right that i haven't thought about it but I don't mind thinking about it and discussing little details, it's fun

In KBD it's established that reader works and Steve is a stay at home father while he has children too young to go to school, and I've also had the reader express concern or insecurity that she doesn't think she would be able to do as Steve does and be a stay at home mom, but just cos she thinks that way doesn't necessarily mean its true! she loves her girls so much. I imagine that as she's off work and nearing the end of her pregnancy she would be super overwhelmed (because pregnancy is so difficult, especially with children around) but mothers are so strong and they're so capable, she would be her loving self as much as she could be. Steve would dote on her endlessly as he always does, and he'd be a perfect example of a good husband and father by just making it all as easy for her as possible! reader would have that mixture of wanting to help Steve out while she's home, and wanting to spend her free time with the girls, but also needing to take it easy and rest. I can imagine she spends a lot of time with Dove at these times cos I always say she's a mommy's girl, but I can imagine all of them wanting a piece of her too when shes home.

After the new baby arrives, whether that be the unnamed fourth or Dove or bethie, Steve is a mess of emotion for a few days at the least, and reader is absolutely shattered / exhausted, so it's something they really have to get through together. I'd think that Steve insists on letting her rest as often as she can because labour and child birth is often traumatic, but ultimately needing her help cos there's so many kids! And its different because she's home all hours of the day, but they're so busy taking care of the new baby that they might not really notice! When things settle down as much as possible is when things are really special. I think Steve would constantly be taking photos of everyone together like it's a holiday, and hed be generally a little happier in himself just having her home with him and getting to work as a team. Plus he can give her back some confidence in her ability to be an amazing mom, because being a working mom doesn't ever make you lesser, I think it's a really incredible thing (and of course the norm for so many!!) Things would be hard and stressful and they probably don't always get along but they're a couple that are just so in love with each other and the family that they've made that impatience is rare, and the love is just bursting from the seams!!

I hope that's somewhat the answer you were looking for lovely!

[intermundia]

hello! my name is will :) sideblogs @mgu-h and @merthurianity

what to expect here: it’s like half aesthetic posts and half star wars, specifically obi-wan and anakin, aka the team, with romantic obikin. i also post about ancient greece a bit, and applied my classics degree pointing out some cultural history of obikin dynamics.

i made edits of obi-wan saying “anakin” and anakin saying “master” at each other and a combo. i love to read about star wars and talk about it, esp. the revenge of the sith novel. sometimes i write meta about it all. i also collect star wars books too (more than 300 so far!)

i've also officially published more than 50 obikin stories! if you are interested in checking out what i have written, here are links and short descriptions of all my works, from novels to PWPs. i'm really proud to have reached this milestone (750k words! whew). thank you guys for all your support along the way <3

Novel-length stories:

Lex Talionis: COMPLETE Plotty, smutty, Sith AU. It’s my take on how Obi-Wan and Anakin could fall to the dark side, weaving in as much lore as I can. Force dyad, Sith’ari, Zygerria, etc. Obi-Wan and Anakin go through.. character development.. and it is dramatized in the changing way they have sex. I poured in all of my theories about metaphysics and the Force, all my knowledge about Augustus and how a Republic dies, all of my opinions about consent and agency. It has rough sex in it and some uncomfortable power dynamics that get resolved, so it is not for everyone, just a heads up. It is complete, and yes, there is a happy ending lol. War Drums: IN PROGRESS Darth Vader dies at the end of Return of the Jedi full of regret and wakes up in his 10-yr-old body after the events of the Phantom Menace. Young Obi-Wan struggles to acclimate to the death of Qui-Gon and the discovery that the boy he swore to train grew up into a Sith. Vader tries to use his knowledge to fix the galaxy and Obi-Wan uses his training to make sure they do it the right way. Anakin underwent his rite and is now an adult, galaxy beware. Murder Puppy: IN PROGRESS Obi-Wan’s decision to do more than flirt with the enemy ends up accidentally acquiring a clingy Sith acolyte, and he is tasked with holding his leash while they work together to end the war. This will probably end up around 40k so a bit shorter than the other two, which are chunkier

Core Oneshots: (my argument for the ship, basically)

Symposium: The story that started it all for me haha. I put Plato's Symposium in a word document and transformed it into a scene where Obi-Wan is forced to reconsider his relationship with Anakin, while dosed with an aphrodisiac, which leads to lines being crossed back in their hotel room. It suggests the erastēs/erōmenos dynamic that appears in much of my work. Unwrap, Wrap: Obi-Wan needs emotional hurt/comfort. This story has him fall apart, and Anakin help put him back together, after a traumatic battle late in the clone wars. Dramatizes the way that the war has muddied their roles and how much their lives are entangled. Obi-Wan gets a handjob in the shower, also, if that is relevant.

Longer Canon AUs: (8k+ words, AUs that take place in the GFFA)

Nostos: Technically a sequel to Symposium. It explores would happen if you took the dynamic established in Symposium and then put the characters in the canon end of Attack of the Clones. How would their behavior be impacted? How would the Jedi react to their decisions? Suckerpunch: Set during the Clovis arc, after Anakin had his jealous fight. Obi-Wan checks on him, and learns about both his marriage and the Tuskens. He doesn't want to lose his apprentice to the dark side, or a Senator. Ready Stance: Anakin is bored during a hyperspace journey during the clone wars, so he asks Obi-Wan to spar. Obi-Wan watches him warm up, they spar, and things escalate. This fic explores more core facets of their relationship, like the legacy teaching dynamic. Found, Fixed: Post-Zygerria Obi-Wan hurt/comfort. It’s similar to Unwrap, Wrap, except it’s told from Anakin’s POV and is much more explicit. It’s one of my rare bottom!Obi-Wan fic, he gets taken care of and comforted from being whumped so hard by the show. Anakin Sucks: Anakin has an oral fixation and it drives Obi-Wan to distraction over the course of the Clone Wars, 5+1 crack taken very seriously lol Make War: show!era Obi-Wan after fighting Vader on Mapuzo shares a dream with him while suspended in bacta. Warning for noncon!! Now with a second chapter set after their near miss on Jabiim. Third chapter based on the kenobi show finale hopefully will be out soon!

A/B/O Stories: (AUs that have this squicky trope, all set in GFFA)

Warm Blood: A/B/O fic that people seem to enjoy. Features omega Anakin having a suppressant failure on the battlefield and going into heat. Alpha Obi-Wan has to fight his way to him, and then tries to resist his instincts—until Anakin confesses his true feelings. Run Away With Me: A/B/O sequel to Warm Blood, tells the story of what happened after the mating, how they left the Jedi and what they’ve been doing. Anakin is preparing to go into heat, and Obi-Wan is helping him nest. Set during Revenge of the Sith, though they don’t know what’s happening in their isolation. Temporary Like Achilles: A/B/O fic. Alpha Obi-Wan is drugged by Dathomirian Nightsisters into a feral state, omega Anakin finds and rescues him. It's a fuck or die with feelings and ultimately a happy ending. Heat Haze: A/B/O fic. Alpha Obi-Wan is living alone on Tatooine, 10yrs post Mustafar. Omega Anakin is about to go into his first heat, and is searching for his mother during the Attack of the Clones. The Force shifts Anakin into the future, bringing the two together in time for Anakin’s heat to begin. Heat Shimmer: A/B/O fic. Alpha Obi-Wan is on Geonosis during Attack of the Clones, investigating. Preheat omega Darth Vader is on Geonosis 13 years later, and the Force decides to move him back in time for his heat. They fight, but it's impossible to fight some insticts. Give Up, Give In: A/B/O fic. Qui-Gon lived AU. Omega Obi-Wan is dosed with a heat inducer during a mission. Alpha Anakin who has loved the older Knight forever doesn’t handle that very well. Ends with Service Top Anakin, a favorite of mine

Longer Modern AUs: (8k+ words, developed AUs that attempt to model the canon dynamic in everyday life)

My Anankē: Classics AU is built on the premise that Obi-Wan would never break the rules re: teacher/student fraternization. He would rather endure years of mutual pining than act inappropriately. Once Anakin’s graduated though, that’s a different story. These are oneshots telling the story of their relationship. It is not told in chronological order, so each one basically opens up another window into their lives. Soulbound: Obi-Wan is a bossy lawyer who plays World of Warcraft. Anakin is an insecure veteran who is in Obi-Wan’s guild and drives him insane. They meet randomly in a bar, and Obi-Wan realizes that Anakin acts the way he does because he likes to be bossed around—so he bosses him around. Zone of Truth: Obi-Wan basically helped raise Anakin through being his Big Brother mentor through a local gaming shop, eventually teaching him to drive and getting him an internship etc. Anakin graduates college and Obi-Wan turns into a ghost, for very good reasons, it turns out. Anakin’s betrayed him, and he’s betrayed himself.

Shorter Smutty AUs: (shorter stories, canon + AUs)

Snap, Crackle, Pop: Padawan Anakin gets braid tugging and spanking after behaving very badly during the Battle of Muunilinst early in the Clone Wars. Tilted: Anakin wakes up after Mortis in a female body and hides, struggling to come to terms with the change. Obi-Wan comes to check on him and reassure him, smut ensues. Make Your Siren’s Call: show!era Obi-Wan struggles to fall asleep in the cave from the photoshoot, and dreams about his old apprentice, full of guilt, angst, and smut Stress Relief: Sith-like/Dom!Obi-Wan is rough on eager!Anakin in their Temple apartment, plays on Master/Padawan dynamic. Unperishing Glory: Homeric AU, Anakin is Achilles-type Chosen One and Obi-Wan is his Patroclus-type mentor-friend, angsty sex Murder Puppy: Playful!Obi-Wan seduces raisedSith!Anakin during a duel, bringing him back to the light during sex. People seem to really like this one, it is one of the things I get the most asks about. I have plans for a short story to expand, it’s on the WIP list I promise. Unwelcome Guest: An AU where Obi-Wan couldn't strike Anakin down on Mustafar. Suitless!Vader comes to find him on Tatooine, and wants to be punished for mistakes, there is spanking involved. Rosetta Stone: Based on the Mummy, an AU where Obi-Wan is a librarian and Anakin is a former soldier, and they defeated a mummy together. Obi-Wan is oblivious and repressed, so Anakin has to be very forward. Safe as Houses: Based on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Anakin is the slayer and Obi-Wan is his Giles-like librarian watcher. Anakin seeks Obi-Wan out in crisis and Obi-Wan takes care of him. The Outlander: Obi-Wan fell to the dark on Naboo AU, so Qui-Gon is Anakin’s Master instead. Anakin sneaks out of the Temple to a club to meet possessive Obi-Wan, there is smut against a wall outside, and Anakin falls to the dark side. Please, Daddy?: Daddy kink fic. Features a bratty Anakin, sex pheromones, spanking and just general daddy!filth. A New Hope: Anakin never left Tatooine AU. He becomes a Han Solo-type pilot who helps a rebel!Obi-Wan escape the Empire. He’s a touch starved, praise starved, virgin who’s insecure about his missing hand. Obi-Wan takes good care of him. Communication, What Communication: Organized Crime AU with collegeStudent!Anakin and accidentalSugarDaddy!Obi-Wan, gratitude kink haha. This fic has been picked up and turned into the phenomenal multichapter story Recoil and Ricochet by @wernnaa.

Potidaea, 432BC: Alcibiades!Anakin and his tutor Socrates!Obi-Wan fight together in the phalanx. Armor kink and period-accurate intercrural sex ensue lol. Minikin and Tiny-Wan: Fluff and crack based on the premise that there are tiny figurines of the Jedi that are alive (kind of like the little dragons in the goblet of fire). Obi-Wan and Anakin each get one, and their Tinys enjoy each other’s company, leading to an awkward but useful conversation. #BinGate: Great British Bake Off AU, Anakin is a contestant who lost his temper and destroyed his bake, Obi-Wan is a judge who enjoys scolding Anakin. Let Me, Master: Padawan Obi-Wan, shy demisexual Master Anakin, Obi-Wan throws caution to the wind and finally seduces his clueless Master, smut ensues with bottom Obi-Wan. Anakin, Duke of Vader, Prince of Coruscant: Anakin is a bratty, troubled prince and Obi-Wan is his unimpressed knight bodyguard. Anakin cries, showing true vulnerability, and Obi-Wan realizes he has a kink for that lmao Sic Transit Gloria Mundi: Sexually frustrated after sparring with his Master, Anakin decides to visit the glory hole in the locker room. Little does he know, he’s not the only one. Boy Toy: Obi-Wan is a fashion designer and Anakin is a first time model. They’ve just finished a boytoy themed photoshoot and get trapped together in an elevator Brotherhood: Anakin is a college student in a spiral after the death of his mother, and his father Qui-Gon left for a trip, leaving his much older step-brother Obi-Wan, who he doesn't know very well, in charge. Obi-Wan picks Anakin up from jail, and the argument goes places. Hard Racing: Anakin is a Formula 1 driver and Obi-Wan is his team principal. After an accident at the Azerbaijan Grand Prix where he ran into his teammate, he is sore, tired, and afraid of getting demoted from his spot. Obi-Wan comes to his hotel to reassure him of his value to him and the team. Beer and Paint: Obi-Wan and Anakin are both apprentices to famous artist Qui-Gon. Anakin has tattoos/piercings/blue streak in his hair, and Obi-Wan is obsessed. Sloppy art and drunk sex ensue.

Smutty +F fic AUs: (short fics that includes Padmé or Ventress)

Très Lecherous: Padmé and Obi-Wan agree to share subby!Anakin, this fic is all three together, and includes DP if that is your jam. Blue Shadow Virus: continuation of above AU, Padmé almost died on Naboo and Anakin doesn’t take it well. Obi-Wan and Padmé dom him into relaxing Post-Revenge: Set after the episode of TCW where Ventress rescues Obi-Wan from Maul and Savage. This is only Ventress/Obi-Wan, but Anakin is extremely present in the fact that Ventress uses Obi-Wan's secret feelings for Anakin to incite him into hate sex. Plus Anakin Makes 3: Sort of a sequel to the Post-Revenge fic, Anakin discovers Obi-Wan and Ventress having a tryst, decides to participate rather than freak out, so more DP haha.

Collaborations: (stories i co-authored with friends)

Apartment Story: Post-Deception arc reconciliation fic, where Obi-Wan is drunk and Anakin is angry. Feelings are revealed, and comfort, understanding and smut ensues. Written with my friend @whohatessandas a RP and adapted into a story. Satellite Mind: What would happen if Obi-Wan could hear Anakin’s thoughts? Spoiler: it does not go well. Set during the last few days of the clone wars, and tracks how their relationship combusted over Anakin’s secrets. Written with @theseptemberist.

[wexhappyxfew]

I need details on The Silver Bullet Girls and the One Time They Crashed the Plane that Wasn’t Theirs!!

AHHH HI HELENA!!!!! thank you so so much for sending this in! please know the fact that you requested this specific one made me so incredibly happy!!!:D i'll admit, i've had this specific piece half-written for months now and now had a prompt to actually fill it, but just...have not had the time to fill out said prompt, and so this gives me the perfect opportunity to still talk about it haha!!

By far, this is one of my favorite pieces I've written in the past few months because, though unfinished, it focuses on all the dynamics of the Silver Bullets crew - specifically after we've now gotten Annie in the loop after Birdie's traumatizing and tragic passing, Francis (co-pilot of many emotions lol) has finally seemed to come around, and things are going well. Except now, the SB crew is shoved on a plane that is in fact not theirs because Silver Bullets needs repair and of course, it's the one time everything seems to go wrong. And it really appears more of a commentary on the Silver Bullets crew, how they work together and all the antics/back-and-forth they share. And genuinely, just how well they mesh, how Annie and Francis become a leading duo, and how the rest of the crew works to follow that. Overall, my goal is for it to be a fairly entertaining/funny piece, while also highlighting some internal Annie-stuff (monologue, description, thoughts, ya know! the works!) and express that through writing!

Pleas enjoy this snippet that will forever make me love Francis Montez with all my heart:

"Oh shit." Annie snapped her head towards Francis and found her brown eyes staring darkly at Annie, before shifting to the direction behind Annie's head. Turning quickly, she found not only now were Engines 3 and 4 on fire, but now Engine 1 was ignited with flame.

"Fuck." murmured Annie, before reaching forward and turning off Engine 1, "I'm shutting it down, we're relying on Engine 2 for now."

"And clearly only Engine 2-"

"Francis-"

"We're gonna fall behind the group now," murmured Francis before, calling to the new squadron lead, "Thunderstruck is down to exactly one engine now, over." Francis turned to Annie with a grumble and a scowl.

"Goddamn, I miss Silver Bullets, at least she was fucking. RELIABLE." Francis hollered over the comms.

Francis Montez you will ALWAYS be famous!!!!

ask about one of my current WIPs! [here]

[prince-simon]

AIGHT I thought DBD was gonna be a fun lil show. You have: two dead boys with AMAZING chemistry (I LOVE their different accents/slangs/outfits to reflect the times they're from), two living girls with AMAZING chemistry (deadass thought Crystal saw the lights around Niko because maybe she liked herrrrr and the lights were psychic related instead of LITERAL SPRITE INFESTATION), two wildly horny demons who I believe need to get it on and leave Crystal and Edwin alone please and thank you (David and the Cat King), TALKING CATS, a witch cosplaying as Cruella de Ville (I thought she was MURDERING her poor bird Monty!!!!), the cutest adorable most precious little astrology nerd I've EVER SEEN (the aforementioned Monty who wasn't a victim of animal abuse after all), a cursed walrus (still salty Edwin interrupted Tragic Mike's story of how he was cursed, I was INVESTED) OH AND A SUPERHOT BUTCHER LADY!!

ANYWAY this show was supposed to be fun. I watch Supernatural and yeah there were scary episodes but I can't think of anything as traumatic as the Devlin House episode! 😭 Just... watching the dad murder his poor family over and over was awful, seeing how affected Charles was broke my heart, the dad having a secret room to spy on his family was creepy and disturbing and OH MY FUCKING GOD?!?! THAT MISERY WRAITH?!?! I ALMOST THREW UP!! I NEARLY DIED!!! ABSOLUTELY AWFUL TERRIFYING 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND I NEVER WANT TO SEE IT AGAIN!!!!!

I can't wait to watch more DBD tonight!

PS sorry for the essay

okay okay first of all. i'm so excited about this ask. don't apologise haha i've got things to say!!! (i hopeee i'm not spoilering you for anything with this longgg reply lol)

the chemistry between all of them is soooo insane i'm so happy about it!! and yeah lol i think the entire fandom thought it was gay lights for crystal and niko lmao (and you know what? just bc it was parasitic lights who's to say it's not ALSO gay!! sksk i was spoilered about this particular thing before i watched the show and when i saw that scene i STILL thought it was gay lol

sksk thank you for clarifying that by demons you mean david and the cat king bc i was like ??? david and edwin's demon??? interesting take but sure. let's go with it slfjsldfj but yeah calling the cat king a demon works too lmaooo i just love how pathetic the cat king is kssksk

the talking cats are sooo iconic hahaha

omg i totally thought esther was killing monty too. when i first watched it i did a bit of a live reaction with friends and i literally was like noooo not monty!!! he doesn't deserve it!!! i was FLOORED when he turned human skjdflsj in general esther is such a good villain. like i fucking hate her so so so much but man. i LOVE to hate her she just steals every scene she's in ("ouch my ghost skin" lives rent free in my head tbh)

SUPERHOT BUTCHER LADY yesss i love jenny so much. her "oh my fuck" cracks me up every time. fun fact before i watched the show and only saw stuff on tumblr i thought she was gonna be the bad guy sksksk

the show is so camp one second and then soooo devastating the next!!! the devlin house absolutely broke me!! fun fact- or actually not fun at all, idk if you noticed but when the camera is on charles when they're watching the murder happen, you can hear him begging his father to stop hurting him in the background. also another not so fun fact i was listening to jayden revri's charles playlist and the song that's playing in that episode is on there and when it came on i literally had to skip it after a couple seconds bc it triggered me sooo much lmfao but yeah omg don't get me started on the misery wraith!!! the first time i watched it, i was binging and i'd started pretty late already so when i got to that episode it was already dark and i was supposed to go to bed soon and i literally had to cover my screen bc i usually can't do horror at all!! so i was like nopenopenope this isn't happening nope

enjoy the rest of your watch and you're always welcome in my inbox for more yelling!!

[rindousbbg]

Hi hi <33

Here for a matchup, if you don't mind <33

I'm female(she/her) and would like to be matched with a guy from Tokyo revengers.

Many people describe me as quiet, kind, helpful, independent and smart, I'm definitely introverted and an INFJ. I'd consider myself ambitious as well since I've got a big academic dream I'm working towards. A passion I've got is helping others, although I like to do it "anonymously"/in a group and not alone or face to face in person.

In my free time I love playing the guitar, reading, listening to music and going on walks. I'm quite shy and not really talkative when you first meet me, although that changes when I'm comfortable around someone, then I can talk a lot haha but I'm also quite a good listener. <3 I also have negative traits such as being selfish but also insecure sometimes. (Insecure more often than sometimes lol)

In a soulmate I'd look for someone understanding who unconditionally loves me besides my bad sides <3 I don't mind someone with a good sense of humour or intellect. If I had to pick some "ideal traits" for him to have it'd be quiet, intelligent, caring and protective but I'm very adaptable and will love someone if we really understand, support and love each other, regardless of their appearance or whether their personality is like the one i described as ideal. <3

Some things I don't like is when he's controlling and manipulative obviously. I despite people/guys who try to make their gf/wife/other women a typical "house wife" for cleaning, cooking and raising children. I'm a pretty independent person and would like my partner to accept that and give me freedom to do some things my way and not insisting on me having to rely/depend on him.

A physical thing I cannot stand under any circumstances is smoking. I HATE the scent of it as it's closely connected to a traumatic event in my life that left quite a deep scar on my mental health, so every time I'm around a smoker I feel nauseous and immensely triggered, that'd be a deal-breaker. I'm not too good with children either so if my match up would value children a lot it'd be quite difficult.

My love languages are spending quality time together as well as words of affirmation. (I give quality time and receive WoA the most but I'm chill with it being turned/other love langs) I'm not too big on physical touch and gift giving, as i feel somehow guilty when someone buys something i want for me </3

I think that's everything, I hope it wasn't too much haha

Thank you in advance already, ik I'll already love my match up if it's made by you haha 🫶

Here's your matchup!

You got...

Ken Ryuguji.

• Draken would admire how independent you are. Being kind to others and being helpful. Not that he would mind if you weren't as helpful.

• Draken would understand why you want to help others by being anonymous. He won't pressure you for that.

• Although when you first met, you were so shy and reserved later opened up to him and made him feel happy that you are comfortable around him.

• Darken won't blame you for being selfish and insecure. Let's be honest we all are humans after all. Even he would tell you to choose yourself over anyone.

• Daraken is mature and would understand your problems quite well even without you saying anything about it.

• He isn't the brightest person in the room but still tries to light your mood up by cracking some silly jokes that took years for you to understand. (He's trying)

• He would support you no matter what. He's very understanding and supportive. But he would still stop you if you were doing something wrong.

• Will always be there for you when you need and protective. But not overly protective, he knows when to protect you tho.

• He won't force you to do things you won't like. Either you say it yourself or nothing will be happening.

• He won't pressure you to have children unless you want one. Although he would like the thought of it in the end you are the one who's giving birth so depends on you.

• He's not someone who's good with words but you can count on him to spend quality time with you. Although he's great at giving some good advice if you needed.

hope you like it! Thanks for requesting!