#but also insane to be trying to exact sympathy for everyone for the deaths of privileged strangers

[cruelsister-moved2]

i just honestly just hope those people on the submarine were dead all along like the handwringing is tedious & that amount of money and resources should never have been devoted to going down there & shouldn’t be devoted to saving them either but i just cant think of anything worse than being trapped in there for days & days waiting to die literally horrifying and unthinkable i hope they died instantly

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

On the Citadel and writing (Star Wars) essays.

I’ve just stumbled upon captures of clones deaths in the Citadel and Obi-Wan’s reactions (easily summed up by “we must keep moving”), and the op was using this as evidence of Obi-Wan dehumanizing them, and I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s making me so (irrationally) angry. 

...

So yeah instead of ranting, I’ll attempt to direct my seething frustration into trying to organize a few thoughts on character analysis. Rule of thumb: text without context is pretext. Or in this case, picture without scene is probably bs. When using a particular frame as a piece of evidence supporting a take, you have to make sure you’re not excluding any surrounding material that could potential contradict that take, or else the analysis doesn’t hold. Quick example: using pictures of Yoda goofing around to test Luke’s patience as evidence that he is insane doesn’t work, because it’s revealed right after that he was playing an act. 

This principle is to be broadened when analysing entire scenes or episodes. You can’t take them out of the wider narrative. 

The post I was talking about continued on to say that this wasn’t the first or the last time that Obi-Wan was careless with the lives of his clones. Unless they were referring to RotS (which isn’t fair or intellectually honest because it was made long before anyone considered giving the clones identities and individual thinking), I don’t see that as being the case at all in canon material. Obi-Wan fights on the front lines. He takes the exact same amount of risk as his troops - he takes more risks even, as established as early as Christophsis (when he tells Rex to retreat with his men while he holds off the B2 super battle droids). 

What the op was probably talking about was the many plans of his that result in clones dying (ex: on Geonosis with the zombie worms, many troopers die as they escape). Here’s what I meant about the wider narrative: TCW is about war. It’s about people dying, and it has to be so the audience can understand the horror of a full scale war. And since it’s still (supposed to be) a kid’s show, it has to be mostly faceless people dying. 

I’m borrowing a quote from @trickytricky1​‘s absolutely amazing vid ‘Your Body and Your Blade’, which compiles scenes of Jedi placing themselves between their clones and enemy fire: “We are shown a war, and in that show, to tell that story, they will kill the soldiers. They will kill the soldiers regardless of whether we think they should have been able to be saved. They will kill the soldiers to prove a point, to tug the heartstrings, to move the plot, to set the scene. But that is far from the only thing we are shown.”

So there, wider narrative. The clones dying in missions led by Obi-Wan don’t say much about Obi-Wan himself. And speaking of Obi-Wan, more on character analysis. Obi-Wan, according to Matthew Stover’s Lucas-approved RotS novelization, is “the ultimate Jedi,” Jedi being supposedly defined by their compassion.

Obi-Wan is the guy who cradles one of his worst enemy in his arms as he dies, the guy who knows like a billion languages and is always shown to be super respectful and/or knowledgeable of other beings’ cultures (the Twi’Leks whose homes he doesn’t want to destroy, the Zygerrian whose culture he uses to buy Anakin time to disable the bombs, the Geonosian Queen, telling the Gungans they live in symbiosis with the Naboo...) and the one who knows the names of the 501st troopers despite not being their general (see The Deserter). Obi-Wan is not presented as dismissive of people or things because he does not understand them, and he certainly is shown to value all sentient life above his own. That does not jibe with Obi-Wan dehumanizing the clones. 

What we’re uncomfortable with might be the show itself not delving deeply enough into issues we as an audience can perceive because we have the benefit of omniscience and hindsight. Just as Yoda and Obi-Wan killing the clones in RotS does not inform their characters but the real life context of the movie’s creation, the same can be said of most problems with clone rights that we are indigned by. (Except in Krell’s case, or Tarkin’s - that’s what dehumanization looks like. And that’s what the show draws attention to, practically screaming “hey, look, these guys are evil for doing that!!!”)

To go back to the Citadel arc itself... Again, context. They’re in the middle of a highly time-sensitive mission, their failure could (as far as they know) mean complete defeat and the end of the Republic if the Separatist invade the Core worlds, and it’s more than probable that the clones who came along volunteered. (The ones we know are all high-ranking officers.) 

With this in mind, Obi-Wan not taking the time to show grief (again with the context that Obi-Wan isn’t one to wear is emotions on his sleeve) says one thing about his character, and only one: he’s a damn leader. As Piell puts it, this is war. You act first, survive first, mourn second. It’s hard to swallow as the audience, because we love the clones and care for them and want other characters to show that they care too, but fan-service can make for poor writing and characterization. 

(And by the way - Obi-Wan carries a clone on his back when they make their way down a cliff. He also personally assists most of the men up and down ledges, he gives out the warning about the blast doors closing... He’s trying to have everyone’s back. Pressing people to move isn’t being cold, it’s being cool-headed.)

To finish off, I’d like say that the “death of the author” principle is great when you’re writing school essays and want to show off (I should know, pretending that I’m smart and know stuff about literature is basically what I’m majoring in). But it can very easily lead to interpretations that - while valid to the degree that you’re entitled to make them and that they’ll probably always be defendable in some way - are not what you were meant to take away from the story. (Ex: the Empire was actually good, the Jedi deserved genocide, the Dark Side is freeing - go crazy, make defending these into fun rhetoric exercises, actually believe them if you want - but it’s still not what Lucas was trying to say.) 

Here’s what JAT (Obi-Wan’s voice actor) had to say about the Citadel. (Borrowed from the amazing @gffa​.)

“He has sympathy and heart for the clones, but at the same time he knows the mission.” 

tldr: the Citadel isn’t an arc meant to highlight Obi-Wan’s flaws (if anything, it’s an Ahsoka arc, and an Anakin arc setting up his future interactions with Tarkin). The deaths we see him walk away from are mostly for shock value, to make us understand what how dire the situation is and to make Even Piell’s death believable when it comes (which in turn is to further Ahsoka’s arc).

So yeah, keep the author alive, try to make serious analysis in good faith and not based on your emotional reactions to character you cherish, but go crazy on the wildy AU headcanons and don’t let people spoil your fun. 

[onebizarrekai]

random your turn to die rambling (contains spoilers for chapter 2)

so chapter 2 part 2? the main game? yeah, man. yeah.

you bet your ass that I was going to keep sou alive, and not just because he’s pretty and because he’s my favorite character.

the reasoning that they gave in the game for sara personally making the decision didn’t quite line up with the motivations that they laid out in front of you. it was a little weird, but y’know, it happens.

“sorry, kanna. I’m choosing logic.” I think it was implied that sara kept sou alive and voted for kanna because sou was going to be more useful. my motivations on the other hand? much, much, different, and I sort of felt like they were a given until the game suggested otherwise.

yes, sou has done a lot of really dumb shit over the course of the game. he’s manipulative and cunning, he’s a bigass liar, and he takes advantage of people repeatedly, but all of this was pretty much clarified to be because of how terrified he is. he does really stupid stuff when he gets emotional. he provokes people and tries to get what he wants, but that’s because he is literally fighting for a life that he believes he will lose no matter what he does.

like, that zero percent of survival thing? dude. he literally actively decided to change his entire self because the person that he was was not a person that was ‘qualified’ to survive. he was illustrated to have demons. it’s not like other characters who cause problems on purpose and you have like no idea what they’re doing. we actually got to see into sou’s head for a bit and see at least part of his true self.

so, you can reasonably infer that when I found out that he had a zero percent chance of survival, I absolutely made it my business to keep sou alive and to prove everyone wrong, especially after kanna said that she was willing to give up her life to save the others, asking everyone to try to believe in sou and that he can be a good person.

like, dude. voting for sou at that point would be the opposite of progression. you’re given the choice to either believe in kanna and sou, or to not believe in either of them and to kill sou in her place. even if sou wanted to die in her place, saying things like “you know who you should vote for”, naturally keeping him alive is going to make some implication that I’m taking what kanna said seriously, and that I as a player believe that sou is not only redeemable, but that I think that the whole zero percent thing is a load of bullshit.

in any case, I sort of feel like this stuff should have been addressed when I decided to keep sou alive, unless like, sara considers honoring kanna’s wishes as logical, but… it’s not, because the use of the word ‘logical’ in this context implies that sara believes that sou is probably going to die later due to his literal zero percent survival chance and is only keeping him alive because he has the capacity to be useful, and considering the content of the remainder of chapter 2, that doesn’t seem right at all.

like, yeah, sara isn’t a blank slate character, and she’s not going to agree with the player on everything, and honestly, I can understand why she doesn’t like sou, since he’s been out to get her for the longest time, but I feel like part of this could’ve been inspired by a desire to honor kanna’s wishes, or some sympathy towards sou’s situation with crafting himself into a new person or in the very least to not die, or maybe even pure spite towards the manufacturers of the death game, or even all three, but we know that nobody would actually keep sou alive just because he’s objectively more ‘useful’ than kanna, not after the insanity that was chapter 2 and its main game.

I dunno, maybe sara was just really stone cold about it because she was so sick of sou manipulating kanna and the things kanna said about believing in him and the things sou confessed about changing himself for survival just blew directly over her head. honestly, considering the stuff that sou has said to sara and the problems he’s tried to make for her, stressing her beyond belief… I guess you can’t really blame her.

it doesn’t really change the fact that in the end, every action that he takes is taken because he believes that he’s going to die no matter what, unless he fights as a self-absorbed person, and sara will probably be the one to get him killed. that’s kinda also why… not getting him killed in that exact moment is so satisfyingly ironic.

[drakeandkatherine]

The Royal Romance AU Fan Fiction- Drake x MC Trouble: Chapter 2  I Dare You

Finally! Chapter 2 is here! Catch up with chapter one here! (also made a couple small dialogue changes so feel free to read it again! also...cause its been months since i posted the first chapter I feel like a refresh might be needed)

Trouble will be completely different from my previous fic, Trouble Is.

As always, Drake, Hana, Liam, Maxwell, Olivia, Madeline, and any other characters from The Royal Romance belong to Pixelberry. My MC Katherine Delacroix is all mine and i love this bean.

Description: A game of truth or dare with a twist await Katherine and friends. What could go wrong? 

In this AU the TRR gang are in college and royal life never existed for them! As I write these characters, I am trying to think of how they would be and how they would act and talk, if they never had courtly manners and rules to follow. I want to keep them similar to TRR canon, but not so much that it isn't realistic with how they are without a royal life in Cordornia. So please bare with me!

Warnings: drinking/alcohol use, language, drug mentions, death mentions

Tags: @drakewalker04​ @burnsoslow​ @marshmallowsandfire​ @princessleac1​

“Alright! I think we have enough players. Let’s get this game started!” Maxwell smiled and looked around the small circle that had formed around the fire pit.

“What are the rules this time, Maxwell?” A blonde sitting across from Katherine asked. ‘He looks like a prince.’ Katherine thought. 

“Ah, good question, Liam. The rules tonight will be...” Maxwell took a minute to think. “Aha! If you pass a dare, you have to take a shot. Truths are free game, but you can’t pass a dare without taking a shot!” Everyone nodded. Just then, a platinum blonde came stumbling to the circle, sitting on Liam’s lap. 

“Are we really playing this stupid game again?” She asked, taking a swig of the bottle she held in her hand. Liam sighed, looking visibly annoyed. 

“You know, Madeline, if you don’t want to play, you can go back inside.” He said, clearly not enjoying the drunk girl sitting on his lap. Katherine couldn’t help  but stare. This girl, Madeline, was clearly wasted. Madeline noticed Katherine’s eyes on her. 

“What are you staring at?”Madeline’s eyes narrowed.  Katherine shook her head. 

“Just admiring how pretty you are.” Katherine lied. She didn’t say anything more. Drake leaned over and whispered in Katherine’s ear.

“That’s Madeline. Liam is her ex boyfriend, the one who’s lap she's sitting on. Liam is also my best friend, so I truly have a distaste for that bitch.” Katherine nodded, understanding. “They had a bad break-up, but every time Madeline gets like this she believes they’re still together.” Nodding, she turned her attention back to Maxwell.

“Okay, time to start! Hmm, I think I’ll choose the newbie first. What’s your name?” Maxwell looked to Katherine.

“Me? I’m Katherine.”

“Alright then, Katherine, truth or dare?” Maxwell smiled.

“I guess I’ll start off strong. Dare.” She noticed as some of the others in the circle smiled and snickered, possibly thinking she was a fool for picking dare on the first turn. 

“Oh, hell yeah! Starting the game off right! Okay, I dare you to stand on one leg until you’re chosen again.” Katherine groaned. 

“I’d rather take a shot, thank you.” She grabbed one of the bottles nearby and poured a shot. She tossed it bag, ignoring the urge to gag. ‘Ugh, vodka is not my thing.’

It was her turn to choose next, so she chose Madeline. “Madeline, truth or dare.” Katherine smirked.

“Ugh, if I have too. Truth.” She slurred.

“Why are you acting like a clingy, pathetic puppy towards Liam when he is clearly annoyed with you?” The group went silent. No one had ever stood up to Madeline before, much less insulted her. Katherine hated these kinds of girls, but never had the confidence to do anything about it. ‘Again with this weird confidence. Who am I?’

“Why you..” Madeline started to get up from Liam’s lap. “How dare you speak to me like that?”

“Speak to you like what? Like a normal, sane person asking why you’re being the exact opposite? Get a clue, dude. Stop acting like you’re still together with him, he clearly wants nothing to do with you. Anyone here can see it.” Madeline was seething now. She started taking steps towards Katherine, stumbling. Partygoers had begun to pull their phones out, recording what was happening.

“You’re going to regret th- ow!” Madeline tripped and fell onto the grass, the bottle in her hand dropping and spilling all over Hana.

“Oh my god!” Hana jumped up from where she was sitting, now soaked in the vodka Madeline had spilled. Some who saw what happened started to laugh. Some looked like they felt sympathy for Madeline. 

“Come on, let’s get you to bed.” Liam sighed as he went over and helped her up. “I’m sorry about all of this, excuse us.” He left with Madeline, nearly having to carry her into the house. 

“That. Was. Awesome!” Maxwell exclaimed, turning excitedly to Katherine. “I haven’t seen anyone put her in her place like that since Olivia did, almost a year ago.” 

“Did someone say my name?” A red-headed girl walked over. “That was impressive, I’m Olivia.” Olivia held out her hand. Katherine shook it and smiled. 

“Thanks. I despise people like that, so I just said what everyone was thinking.” She shrugged. 

“Well, you’re good in my book. I hate that soul sucking succubus.” Olivia laughed. Hana walked over to the little group and grabbed Katherine’s hand. 

“Hey, I am soaking wet, mind coming inside with me while I dry off?” Katherine nodded. 

“Sorry guys, gotta go for now. I’ll see y’all later!” Katherine followed Hana indoors and stood outside the bathroom as Hana grabbed a towel to dry off the vodka.  After a few minutes of waiting and growing impatient, Katherine wandered down the hall. She noticed a door was open and took a peek inside. Drake was sitting on the bed in the room, filling up a glass pipe with what looked like marijuana.

“You gonna share?” Katherine asked, stepping into the room and spooking Drake in the process, nearly making him drop the pipe.

“Jesus, knock next time would you?” Drake scolded. Katherine took a seat next to Drake and laughed.

“I could, but that wouldn’t be any fun.” 

“Whatever. I guess I could share a couple hits of this with you.” Drake said before lighting the bowl and taking a long drag. As he exhaled, he passed it to Katherine. “You smoke?”

“Occasionally. Not as often as I used to.” She said before taking her own long drag from the bowl. “Whenever I snuck out and went to my friends house we would always smoke a bowl.” Her fingers brushed his as she handed it back to him, a jolt of electricity running through her from the touch. ‘I wonder if he felt that too.’

“Heh. I only smoke every once in a while. Just to calm my nerves or irritation from all the dumbasses who come here.” He put the bowl on the side table next to the bed. “Sneaking out? Guess you must have had some strict parents.”

“My grandma was pretty strict.”

“What about your mom and dad?”

“Dead.” Katherine said deadpan. Drake cursed himself. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up something.” He apologized, but Katherine shrugged.

“It’s okay, they died when I was 6.” Katherine forced a smile. “I barely remember them.”

“What happened?” Drake scooted a little closer to her on the bed, hands nearly touching.

“Some bad shit. Like, really bad.” Katherine took a breath. “When I was six, we were visiting my grandma and they had gone out in the middle of the night. They were heavy drug users, I’m talking about heroin, meth, pills. The whole works.” Drake put a comforting hand over her own, nodding and listening.

“Well, I found out what happened when I was older. I found out about how they were users. That night they left, the night they died, was because of a drug deal gone wrong. My mom waited in the car while my dad went in to the house they were at to buy more heroin. He never came back out. Apparently he started a fight with them about the cost and the quantity or something and it got so bad that they just shot him dead. They found my mom, high off of her ass in the car. She had no idea what just happened, and she didn’t even notice when they walked up to the car window. They shot her through the window and fled the scene.” Katherine’s eyes filled with tears. She wasn’t quite sure why she was telling the whole story to a man she just met, but something about him made her trust him. Something about him simply screamed to her that he was safe. 

Drake squeezed her hand and pulled her into a hug. He held her as she sobbed quietly. 

“I’m sorry, that got really dark and now I’m getting make up on your shirt and I must look like a mess.” Katherine said, wiping the tears from her eyes and sitting up right. Drake gave her a small smile. 

“It’s alright, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry that happened to your parents. And to you. No one should have to go through that.” Katherine managed a small smile, thankful for his understanding.

“Thank you, Drake.” A moment of silence passed between them, before she spoke again. “What about you? If we’re sharing our life stories, might as well get it out.” Drake looked at her for a long moment before sighing.

“Well, my mom lives in Texas. It’s where I grew up and met Liam. My dad was in the military and died overseas. My sister goes to a college in Texas, she didn’t want to leave. I felt like I had to the moment I could or else I was going to go insane and be trapped there forever.” Katherine knew exactly what he meant.

“So, how did you end up here? How did you meet Liam?” Katherine asked, lightening up the conversation.

“Liam lived in Texas for a few years when we were kids. We went to the same school and became best friends pretty quickly. He ended up moving here, due to his dad getting a job as this colleges dean. After my dad died, I knew I had to get out of Texas. I’d see Liam on breaks from school occasionally, and one time he mentioned that I should try to get into Applewood. So, that’s what I did. I played sports and kept my grades up in school to make sure I’d get accepted. I’m here on a scholarship, believe it or not.” 

“I can believe it.” Katherine said, smiling. “That’s why I’m able to be here.” She looked at him, feeling the magnetic pull becoming stronger from their conversation. Drake felt it as well, now inches away from her lips, until they heard a loud round of cheering coming from downstairs. Startled and flustered, Katherine stood up from the bed. “We should get back to the party.” Drake nodded, standing up as well. 

Upon returning to the party, they made their way to the kitchen where none other than Hana was lying on the kitchen isle, with her shirt pulled up. Three shots were lined on her stomach, along with salt and lime wedges. 

“Hana, what are you doing?” Katherine asked, walking up to the isle. 

“Body shots! This is so much fun!” Hana laughed. After a random partygoer took the shots and licked the salt off of Hana’s stomach, she stood up and nearly fell to the floor. 

“Whoa, we should get you back to our dorm. You’re definitely drunk.” Katherine said as she caught Hana before she could fall to the floor.

“You’re probably, hiccup, right.” Hana giggled. Katherine looked at Drake. “I’m sorry, but I have to go get this one to bed before she throws up.” 

“It’s all good. Make sure you guys get back safe. I’m sure we’ll see each other again soon. Good night, Katherine.” Drake smiled, before turning away and walking back up the stairs to his room. ‘Dumbass. Why didn’t you offer to walk with her?’

----------------------------------------

“Alright, Hana. Here you go.” Katherine laid her down onto the bed, even going as far as taking off her shoes. Within an instant, Hana was quietly snoring away. Katherine quickly changed into her pajamas and crawled into bed, mind reeling from the events of the night, and thoughts of Drake. Before long, her body gave out and she fell into a heavy sleep.

[shazos]

Undertale/Deltarune Theory: The Two Angels of The Prophecy

Since I’ve been playing Deltarune as of late, I thought I would share some very compelling details I’ve noticed in game that have been rolling around in my mind lately...

 This is a theory pertaining both Undertale AND Deltarune, because I found connections between both of them interestingly enough. To start my theory off: I will begin with the very prominent theme in Deltarune of religion. There appears to be a strange emphasis on how religious the home town of Deltarune is, with everyone worshipping some deity called “The Angel.”

  It seems to be done in such a manner, that it is building up that the town is worshipping some false God of sorts. The town itself feels very…off. A very ominous vibe to it, especially with the very creepy bunker to the south of town as well.

The question is.. who is this Angel..? To answer this question, we will have to dig deeper. Another notable theme in Deltarune, is that many items found in the Light World—represent places and people in the Dark World. It mirrors it, essentially.

In the light world school closet, the cards on the floor represent the card suite inhabitants/card castle. The plush doll represents Seam, etc. Additionally, the red horns in Kris’s house could symbolically represent Ralsei’s presence, with his little red horns. 

However... even more interesting enough, is that in the town hospital can be found two angel dolls. One— that was made by Kris and Asriel, where they “wasted the whole time making big wings for it.”

 And the other, which was made by Noelle and her friend—looked like a typical angel doll, only “it’s lack of facial features was unsettling.” 

This appears to be clear symbolism for two different characters/angels... but whom? The first one, I believe matches the description of Asriel’s final form in Undertale perfectly: it has a rather disproportionate body, with huge over-sized, magnificent wings. 

Additionally, Asriel’s final form matches up with the Deltarune of Gerson’s prophecy, with each part of his angel body aligning with the runes. Gerson also mentions an Angel in his prophecy, saying that it will free everyone from the underground—which Asriel does at the end of Undertale, with the power of the seven souls. 

Then... who is the second angel, who is symbolically represented in the hospital? An angel we haven’t seen yet, but likely will at the end of Deltarune. Based off the evidence/implications given, I believe it is Gaster. 

To begin, the second angel doll is described with a lack of features that makes it unsettling—which is very reminiscent of Gaster. 

To build upon this, the angel of Undertale—Asriel— plays a focal point in Undertale’s story. He is not shown until the very end of the game, with the true ending, and is very mysterious at first. On top of this, many.. many songs in Undertale have the leitmotifs of Asriel’s theme: HIS theme. 

Meanwhile, Deltarunes soundtrack is heavily focused around Lietmotifs of Gasters theme, with the intro song being called ANOTHER HIM... Another angel, if you will. This implies that he is going to play a heavy role in the story, which is very much seen on the surface level of Deltarune—with the involvement of the “strange knight” as well as the subtext with Jevils backstory, having met a man that made his vision of the world grow “Darker, yet darker” and made him go insane, as told by the tale Seam the shopkeeper tells the protagonist. 

Additionally, the very first castle we see in the game--(not card castle, mind you) has wings on it... much akin to an angel’s, and is spewing a dark fountain forth from it. 

At the end of the chapter of Deltarune, Susie shows clear concern that they did not get rid of the right fountain. One fountain—the original, brought the dark world its life. The other, an unnatural source of darkness to upset the balance. And Ralsei, strangely enough, eagerly directed Kris to get rid of the Card Castle fountain—not the one coming from the Angel’s castle. The Angel’s Castle is also an empty kingdom, with no subjects.. except Ralsei. 

But who is the king? Nobody knows… And a very foreboding music plays in the castle town, adding to the mystery of it. Ralsei, who is quite suspicious enough as it is, (might go into this further in another theory later) will not let Kris inside the castle, stating that Kris must save the world/complete the prophecy first... and then they can come back. Ralsei acts very nervous and distraught when Kris keeps trying to enter the castle, and blocks him from going in. He then shuts Kris out of the kingdom gates, barring him off from going back inside--sinisterly enough. 

Additionally, the plot of Deltarune is based off the prophecy, to “banish the Angels heaven”. This makes the Angel seem like a very malicious figure...but why? What are the Angels motives, and what is the “Angels heaven..?” Well, if you talk to Gerson in Undertale, he says an interesting bit of dialogue that could be interpreted a bit differently with my context/point of view. One could argue that he is talking about “the angel of hyper death”, Asriel, when he says the Angel of death, but I believe it not to be the case. 

Gerson states the following: 

“Lately, the people have been taking a bleaker outlook…callin that winged circle the “Angel of Death”. 

A harbringer of destruction, and waitin to “free” us from this mortal realm…”

This seems like a much more sinister view of the Angel, and not like Asriel. Even though Asriel is very threatening, he is still pure of heart, and ends up saving all of Monsterkind in the end. The second angel however? Wants to “free” every one, and brings destruction in his wake. In Deltarune, we see much destruction and chaos being brought about by a strange “knight”, who appeared one day to take over the card kingdom and beyond, using the Chaos King to help him assert control. 

Seam also mentions that he hasn’t seen this much chaos, since the incident that occurred with Jevil—which implies that the stranger and the strange mysterious knight are one and the same. So, what then is the meaning of “free us from this mortal realm…?”, from Gerson’s prophecy of the second angel? Well, interestingly enough: in Deltarune Jevil mentions this line of dialogue in his boss fight, which lines up perfectly with Gerson’s dark prophecy:

 “I AM INNOCENT, INNOCENT. I JUST WANTED TO PLAY A GAME, GAME. BUT THE BORING KINGS FOUND SUCH FUN TO BE A TROUBLE. AS PUNISHMENT, THEY CRAVED TO IMPRISION MY BODY. THEY LOST THE CHASE, AND LOCKED UP THEIR ENTIRE RACE, BUILDING A PRISON AROUND THE WHOLE WORLD. NOW I’M THE ONLY FREE ONE”. 

This is extremely significant, because Jevil was made aware by the Knight that the world is only a game, and that he can become “free” by ignoring the rules of the game, if you will—to become sentient of the game itself. This matches up perfectly with Gaster: who after being shattered across time and space by falling into his creation, became aware that the world was all just a game. 

So why usurp the Dark World? Presumably, to make everyone aware that it is all just a game: to save them, from being stuck forever without choice. To make them free…done in a very twisted way of course, taking over the kingdom, locking up the rulers and all.

So why do this? After all he was a former scientist of Asgore’s in Undertale. This is where the symbolism comes in, that I noticed. Gaster seems to be a “fallen angel” of sorts. He was driven into madness after “falling” into his creation— after messing with the balance of things. What that is exactly, is unknown at this time. But it is implied that he discovered the presence of timelines, and tried to figure out how to manipulate them. 

This in a sense, was an act against nature/trying to defy god by trying to figure out the interworking’s of the world’s universe. 

Additionally, in Deltarune there is a repeated theme of a “shining light” that guides you—where you save your Soul at. In the bible, the fallen angel Lucifer, who defied God, is likewise represented with a “shining light”. In the files, Gaster is also associated with the number 666—which aligns with the prophecy of him being a dark, fallen angel. 

One could even argue his font/name Wingdings is symbolic, from the wing in the name. It isn’t a stretch to say that Toby got some inspiration from the Bible--he has gotten many inspirations from Undertale from various sources, including Asriel’s symbolism from a Hebrew god/demon named Azrael.

To add unto this theory that links both Asriel and Gaster together as being both angels, is that both were striken by tragedy. Asriel was killed at a very young age, and is forever stuck in an endless purgatory in the body of a flower. Meanwhile, Gaster was forgotten by everyone, including the ones he held closest, and was shattered across time and space. Both characters are implied to have been driven to madness because of this, but with Asriel having a bit more heart/sympathy to him in the very end, (due to having the power of the human Souls to feel compassion again) and freeing all of monsterkind out of a deep care for Frisk.

 Gaster on the other hand…? Seems to be a lot more unforgiving, and much more threatening, seen by his heavily implied actions in Deltarune, taking over kingdoms without mercy, and establishing his power in the Dark World. 

Another notable feature between the two characters, is that they both have black markings on their faces, stretching down from their eyes—(Asriel’s markings are seen during his final boss fight.) What are these? Well…one datamined detail (sourced from the Deltarune reddit) from Deltarune might be the answer to this question.

Both Asriel and Gaster have gone through incredible suffering, so this “pain” could have essentially manifested into the black markings, similar to tears. In the beginning of Deltarune, with the player’s encounter with the narrator/ Gaster, (or at the very least heavily implied...he speaks in the exact same manner) he asks the player what their favorite food is. Two answers, that immediately stand out as strange and bizarre—are pain, and cold—which at first glance is just an off the wall comment/dialogue option, but upon second glance gives us a window into what he has gone through—painful suffering, much like Asriel did, on a plane of existence where they could do nothing. Both characters also have committed horrible actions, due to their fall into madness, (Asriel as Flowey, being stuck in a soulless vessel for ages,) and Gaster, due to existential madness from realizing the entire world is just a game, presumably overthrew an entire kingdom to “free” everyone.

 (Almost forgot--) Additionally, another piece of dialogue which links together the Knight and the Angel being one and the same—is a dialogue seen from the Chaos King/Spade King himself. During the battle with him—he mentions multiple times how he obeys the word of the Knight, and with him he shall make a “new world out of Holy Shadows”, which backs up my theory even more, that the folks of the Light world are worshiping a false idol, a dark angel to destroy them all.

Sound familiar...?

I believe this is made all the more likely with Undertale being a mirror to Deltarune and vice versa—it would make all the more sense that each game would have an Angel character, considering each deals with a prophecy containing the Deltarune. One Angel of Light, and one of Dark.

EDIT: Here are some additional findings that make this come all together even more.

*In Undertale, every zone’s monsters reflect the boss monster of the area. (The monsters in Alphys zone are all anime related. The ones in Undyne’s zone are all muscular/into piano like her, etc...) the only area in the game that doesn’t make sense is Mettaton’s zone in the Core. The mobs don’t suit him at all: except when you realize that he wasn’t meant to be the true boss of the Core in the first place, since Alphys made him. If Gaster hadn’t died/become shattered across time and space, he would have been the likely boss monster of that area. What is notable, is that all of the enemies of the Core are primarily knights, mad, some of them use crosses as attacks, have wings, one of them uses a “Morningstar” as a weapon, (possible reference to Lucifer Morningstar) and you have to defeat some of the monsters by “praying”. Not symbolizing Mettaton at all—but rather Gaster, showing that the foreshadowing seen in Deltarune is indeed likely correct.

*The egg in Deltarune is a possible reference to the tale of Adam and Eve, as it aligns very well. A mysterious figure tempts someone behind a tree with a “fruit of knowledge”. Kris is offered the egg by “him”, presumably Gaster. Taking the egg to the Light-World doesn’t change it like all the other items in the game—it still exists in the Light-World—showing the forbidden knowledge that the world is all just a game. Even though it is a secret/not accessed by usual means, the egg is additionally a key item—that might prove more important by the end of the game.

[3w-writer-with-wings]

The end of VRAINS season 2, why was Lightning a failure and future predictions.

To those of you who follow my theories and predictions for future VRAINS episodes and are wondering why I haven’t posted anything lately - there are two reasons:

1) This show is continuing to surprise me, by throwing the most insane plotlines on me that I simply don’t even know what to think anymore. Shin Yoshida is truly a talented scriptwriter and I’m both terrified and excited about what he’ll think of next. Barian Arc and ARC V manga were just a warm-up - VRAINS is the real deal.

2) I still haven’t got over how both Bowman’s duels that were completely underwhelming and made to win. I mean I get it, he is supposed to be an AI that can learn and had to win, but not like that! I was sort of okay with Blue Maiden’s defeat, but Takeru? It was downright disgusting to watch him pull the exact cards he needed and got rid of damage or direct attacks with complete luck. If you want to show off his duelling skills, then do so - not make him overpowered just because he has to be. You basically made him cheat and sure if he was an episodic villain, that’s okay but for a major boss opponent that’s a bit no-no for me. It felt like Pegasus duel (who mind read every one and practically killed off Yugi in order to win) and Don Thousand duel (who actually had a card that makes you LOSE the duel automatically if you didn’t do something), so that was one of the major flaws in the otherwise a really intense round of episodes.

 Okay, now that I have this out of my system, I can finally focus on the main topic - what will happen next. So I am one of those people who checks the cast lists and episode summaries every Tuesday, so if you don’t want any spoilers to stop reading at this point. I apologize, but my thoughts will be heavily centred around the info that came with the summaries for what appears to be the final episodes of season 2.

So where are we right now? Team Playmaker has been massively reduced to only Yusaku, Ai, Ryoken and Ryoken’s loyal generals aka. Faust, Vyra and Dr. Genome. Bowman has absorbed four Ignis, including Earth. I was a bit confused about how he got Earth when I remembered back in episode 79 during the conversation between Windy and Lightning, it was mentioned that Bowman was on a “special mission” and that mission was probably to hack in SOL and take Earth’s data. Ryoken brought it up many times that SOL is not even close to as experienced as he is, so it was most likely really easy for Bowman to get Earth.

Then there’s Yusaku who has just been through another traumatizing experience. The duel between him and Kusanagi has shown just how little Yusaku actually knows about himself as it was clear that he knew something like this would happen, but when it actually happened, he froze completely. As sad as it was, it was shown really realistically since this is something that is very likely to happen to victims of past abuse like Yusaku. I was already impressed by the Takeru vs. Ryoken duel - the pure emotion and amazing pacing and Yusaku’s reaction to the duel with Kusanagi was even better. It showed that no matter how strong Yusaku makes himself to be, he is just a traumatized child underneath a superhero suit. The pain he suffered was the one he was trying so hard to avoid hence why he was reluctant to call Kusanagi his friend or make friends in the first place - he was afraid of the pain of loss. At the moment Ryoken and Lightning are facing off in a duel that will likely last three full episodes and here’s what I think - Ryoken will be the next one to fall.

But why Ryoken? Well several reasons. I’m not saying Ryoken will lose due to a poor strategy - Lightning will most likely play dirty. The summaries revealed that Lightning will use Jin as a hostage and knowing Ryoken, it will work. The guy might’ve been one of the most ruthless rivals so far but at the same time he is also the one to suffer the most. His brutality has been always projected towards the Ignis, namely Windy who killed/seriously injured his partner and Lightning who is using Jin as a puppet. Ryoken might not show it, but he has a great sympathy for the Lost Incident victims and despite him stating that he “regretted saving them” I think that he still believes that he did the right thing by reporting the incident. It was revealed that Jin will be speaking in both episodes as well, so if Lightning pulls a cruel trick like threatening to destroy Jin’s soul right in front of him or use Jin in some other sickening way. It is also possible that there will be a draw or something else will happen to Ryoken. It was also revealed that even Ryoken’s generals will sacrificed themselves to stop Bowman. Akira and Emma might also be absorbed in that data storm that takes the souls of the people logged in VRAINS - awfully similar to how those charms for Earthbound Immortals in 5Ds worked. 

And the result of all this - Yusaku and Ai are completly on their own against Bowman. This will be the final boss of this season. Yusuku will not only have to be the hero everyone depends on, but will have to keep his emotions under tight control. If Kusanagi’s death wasn’t enough, just think how will he react to Ryoken’s death - a person who has been his symbol of hope for the past ten years is gone too. I imagine it will be a really intense reaction which will cause yet another breakdown, but unlike with Kusanagi, I believe Ryoken will say something really meaningful just before he will fade away or even give him three reasons to defeat Bowman and Yusaku will use that as a coping mechanism to defeat Bowman. How will this duel conclude - I have no idea really. At this point, Yusaku will have to win - too many people had died in front of his eyes and this very same person plans to go after more people and change the world to his perfect image. And there’s another thing that sort of bugs me:

Bowman and Haru strangely look a lot like Shoichi and younger Jin. It is probably becuase Jin is Lightning’s Origin and because Shoichi was likely Jin’s three reasons. Also Lightning most likely didn’t have much to chose from when designing new AIs. Though this may have a much deeper meaning - I already kinda brought it up with my Haru is Real Jin theory, but just think - what if this has to do with the reason why Lightning was the only Ignis with no bright future with humans? Why did Light Ignis become an error in the first place? I believe it is because Jin gave up first. Apart from Yusaku, Takeru, Specter and Miyu, we don’t know much what was going on over those excruciating months, but I think Jin has lost his will to fight far before Lost Incident was over. Shoichi described him as a cheerful and kind person, a lot like Yuya and Yuma, and if those two would be put through such hell, they would likely break the most and give up at one point. Jin’s Ignis therefore didn’t recieve all necessary data to be properly developed like other Ignis. This may also be the reason why he kiddnaped Jin - using him as a puppet is a sort of a punishment since he probably blames him for all of this. “It is your fault I have no future! So you will spend the eternity as my prisoner.” 

Another less believable theory is that Lightning represents Jin’s anger. Because really, we’ve only seen Lightning being pissed off in the last few episodes. Before that he was calm and collected, like highly educated person in charge. But the second his insecurities were brought up, he completly lost it. Maybe Jin did develop strong hatred during the Lost Incident, resulting in Lightning’s own rage. Maybe Jin broke down at some point, crying and asking why that happened to him. After some time those tears might’ve turned into anger and swore to punish the people who did that to him, but then more time passed and Jin realized it was impossible and instead of plotting revenge he slowly became an empty shell of himself until he was rescued. That pushed down anger was then passed to Lightning.

One last detail that I would like to point out - Kusanagi Shoichi. Ryoken specifically ordered Faust that he has to get Shoichi. But why? Why would he need him for? One reason is kinda obvious - he needed him to wake up Yusaku. Faust and Dr. Genome entered the truck with unconscius Shoichi and after a while Yusaku woke up after hearing Shoichi’s voice. Coincidence? I think not - Faust and Dr. Genome did soemthing to wake Yusaku up. Let’s not forget - both Yusaku and Takeru are also in the truck, logged in VRAINS. Could be possible that they wired Shoichi’s duel disk to Yusaku’s chamber or something?

Plus that might not be the only reason why Ryoken needs him. The summories stated that Lightning will use Jin as a hostage. What if Ryoken will use Kusanagi’s body and his consciusness data that Ai holds in order to save Jin? What if Shoichi is in fact the ultimate weapon against Lightning? There is a high possibility that Jin was kidnapped while Shoich was looking after him, hence why he blames himself so much. Maybe Jin kept calling after his brother for months and Shoichi so became Jin’s three reasons. This may be the reason why Bowman looks like toughed up Shoichi - he represents the perfect savior. So what would happen when Jin sees his big brother? Will he manage to break through Lightning’s prison and finally be free of his hold? Breaking through the mind prison has been a common theme in yugioh so I won’t be surprised if VRAINS uses it as well. Maybe that’s what will lead to the happy screenshot in the new ending, of the two of them watching stars together. 

But what were to become of Yusaku, Ai and other Ignis. I imagine that no matter what happens, Bowman will absorb Lightning and maybe Ryoken as well (that way we will actually have Yusaku indirectly fighting all Ignis except for Ai, his entire team plus Specter and Blood Shepard - kinda like how possessed Yuya fought all of his friends) and the final battle will occur. Playmaker will have to save VRAINS once more.

And then? Maybe Bowman will give human society one more chance after his defeat. Considering how developed and honorable he has become in the last few episodes, I believe that he will realize that humans cannot be surpassed by AIs since they have something he will never be able to have. Bowman so releases everyone that he has absorbed and restores VRAINS back to the way it was, returning the souls back to the people who were sacrificed during the duel. Then he lets himself being absorbed in VRAINS, saying he won’t be alone since Haru is in there somewhere. This may be the last calm before the storm that is SOL (that still deserves to pay for all of their crimes!). And judging from this screenshot from the new ending, only Ai will be left.

 Now another source of what we may see is the new ending that is actually a one big tease. Right after Ai is shown, mourning after other Ignis, the scene switches to Roboppi watching the stars as the shooting star crosses the sky. What if that shooting star was Ai? What if this is the hint that Ai will sacrifice himself for others? There’s even a scene with Yusaku’s duel disk without Ai. The Dark Ignis has become really protective of Yusaku, so what would happen in the next fight against SOL, if something happens to Yusaku? Queen has proven to be the most merciless memeber of SOL, willing to kill a living being and risk an employee’s life for the good of the company. What is stopping her from getting her hands on the last Ignis in order to power up their own Artificial Ignis. SOL basically means sun and when you get too close to it, you get burnt. There’s no doubt Yusaku will do anything to keep his promise to Ai, especially now that he is the only one left. But what if SOL will discover Yusaku’s real identity and attack him in the real world? What if that will anger Ai to the point of turning completely against humans and become the very Ignis that Dr. Kogami was so afraid of?

Ai already hates SOL for killing Earth, so just imagine what he would do if they would capture and torture Yusaku, like Akira did in the first first few episodes. Maybe they will make it even more emotional by showing the flashbacks of how Yusaku was tortured during the Lost Incident while Ai’s eye couldn only observe. I often see Ai and Yusaku as Astral and Yuma and Astral has sacrificed himself for Yuma and also became corrupted. Shin Yoshida wrote a lot of Zexal episodes with such scenes, so there is a great possibility he will be in charge of the concluding story. 

What I would like to see? Ai becoming that terrifying Ignis when SOL invokes him by hurting Yusaku. Maybe Ai loses it to the point that he starts attacking everyone and Yusaku duels him in order to get him back to his senses. Maybe this last ending flashes before his eyes - showing the perfect reality where Ignis never existed and knowing that as long as he is there, more harm will come to Yusaku and the people he knows. So my prediction is - Yusaku will defeat Ai in one last duel to bring him to his old self and when it seems like Ai will be willing to recreate Cyberse and stay there, Ai will ultimately change his mind and instead sacrifice himself to wipe up any signs of Ignis research and data. The Lost Incident will once again become lost, but maybe this will be finally a chance for Yusaku and others to move one and live peacefully.

Happy, sad or bittersweet ending - I don’t really care as long as it is conclusive.

[lovelylogans]

PRINCESS BRIDE AU

BC I CAN also i just rewatched it and it’s one of my fav movies so

LOGICALITY/PRINXIETY BUCKLE IT UP

please. please. y’all already know roman is buttercup. upcoming royal??? yeah it’s roman, obvi

westley is virgil. 1. bc he was socially awkward to the point of throwing himself down a hill as a way to communicate to his former love that he’s actually alive, 2. westley’s snark is iconic

logan is inigo. bc he studied for years and years under the greatest swordsmen. like, canonically. boy is inigo. 

patton is fezzik. partially bc i like the idea of gentle giant patton and partially bc of the way he nursed everyone back to health (inigo from drunk stuff, westley from death) and also like he’s so soft and gentle and the end where he gets two white horses???? it’s patton y’all

deceit is humperdinck. on a related note, please let deceit’s canon name be on the level of ridiculousness of humperdinck @ thomas and co i’m begging

vizzini is uhhh. uh. hm. you know what. full absurdity here it’s the dragon witch (you know how the dragon witch was like a throwaway character except i’m basically shoehorning her into every fic i have?)

(the magician and his wife who resurrect westley are now joan and talyn, i don’t make the rules, except i do)

also tw mentions of suicide, and also torture 

ACTUAL PLOT UNDER CUT

so! roman as the slightly bratty upcoming lord of the land or whatever on the farm, and virgil as the farmboy

virgil is a Useless Gay and as such whenever roman asks him to do anything he just “as you wish” and tries hard not to be too obvious about staring at him and covers up his affection with snark

roman, who is an Equally Useless Gay, just kinda. keeps giving virgil these useless commands (”farmboy! ....um. hand me those reigns!” “...the ones... you’re holding?” “THE OTHER REIGNS” “....as you wish”)

eventually roman does a “farmboy. fetch me that pitcher.” and virgil does and whispers “as you wish” and roman grabs him by his lapels and brings him in for a kiss

virgil however fully recognizes that he has to up his social class in order to be with roman so he goes sailing before they can marry but the dread pirate anx attacks

roman is devastated, ofc, and makes the “i’ll never love again” vow

let’s do the time warp again!

five years later!

roman’s accepted a proposal from deceit, bc 1. he’s the prince and 2. if he’s gonna be miserable may as well be miserable in a high social standing, right

plus he always kinda dreamed of being a prince as a kid, didn’t he? maybe this way he can enact some change

it is hard to remember such things when he is trotted out in the public square like a prize goat, but he clings to it regardless

except!

he goes out riding (one of the only things he still loved) before the wedding and gets knocked out by the dragon witch and co.

logan and his husband fiancé boyfriend (?) patton have mostly accepted this job bc they need money, and keep accepting the job bc... well, money

logan swears they’ll get out of it and he’ll find the six-fingered man, and patton doesn’t like the unscrupulousness of it but. well. they have to eat somehow

and he debates with the dragon witch about and he goes “you were not hired for brains!” “but i was,” logan says coolly, sharpening his sword. “and if you speak to him like that again, you’ll see precisely the other reason you hired me.”

yeah they don’t like it

anyways logan starts the fast/alas harm/charm rhyme game with patton to cheer him up. and then they keep it up bc it annoys the dragon witch

roman wakes up and logan notices someone following him (spoiler it’s virgil) and the dragon witch threatens roman. everyone on the boat hates the dragon witch, basically

but roman jumps into the shrieking eel-infested waters, swimming to the boat, bc as miserable as he is he doesn’t wanna be murdered for a war

patton ends up smacking the eel on the nose and bringing roman into the boat, huddling over him protectively and asking if he’s okay

roman gives him a why would you care look, and patton gives him some extra food as sympathy

the CLIFFS of INSANITY!!

and patton climbs them all up, shortly followed by the Mysterious Masked Man

“INCONCEIVABLE!!” and the dragon witch cuts the rope, and the masked man managed to cling to the rocks

the dragon witch makes to leave logan behind and patton looks anxious and logan smiles and shakes his head and says “i’ll be fine” “just... be careful, okay? people in masks can’t be trusted” and they kiss and the dragon witch urges patton and roman on

basically as soon as the dragon witch is out of earshot logan calls down to him

“slow going?” “look, i don’t mean to be rude, but this isn’t as easy as it looks. i’d appreciate if you didn’t distract me.” “sorry.” “thank you”

five seconds later... “i don’t suppose you could speed things up?” “look, if you’re in such a hurry, you could throw down some rope or something?” “well i’m not sure if you’d accept. i mostly want you to speed up so i can fight you. potentially to the death.” “...that does put a damper on our relationship.”

ten seconds later... “look, okay, i’ll throw down the rope, and step back from it.” “why do you want to help me so bad?” “well, that sword you’re carrying.” and then he goes on a tirade of how that exact blade and how beat up it is etc. is evidence of a good swordsman and it’s been  a g e s  since logan’s had a good duel

“...all right, fine. anyone told you, you talk too much?” “i could rescind that rope offer--” “on seCOND THOUGHT”

so virgil reaches the top and logan offers him a breather until they duel, and logan lays out his backstory in all kinds of matter-of-fact language

he tells the story of the six-fingered man after virgil catches him looking closely at his hands, and explains that he went from studying sword-making to sword-fighting after the death of his father, along with the twin scars on his face

he also explains the whole “we’re working with the witch to pay the bills” kind of thing and also patton

“you seem a decent fellow. i hate to kill you.” “you seem a decent fellow. i hate to die.”

do yourself a favor watch the swordfight again it’s glorious (that link also includes the inigo/westley convo)

logan, a nerd, lists off the routines. virgil, also a nerd, offers counterpoints

it’s the debate, basically. it’s their debate but with swords

“who are you?” “no one of consequence.” “i must know.” “get used to disappointment.”

logan gets his sword knocked out of his hand, and very matter-of-factly says “kill me quickly. and tell patton--tell patton--”

“i’m not going to kill you, for goodness sake’s. i’ve never had an equal like this. however, i can’t have you following me, either.” and whacks logan over the head

meanwhile, they see virgil coming up over the hill, and the dragon witch takes roman and leaves patton (who is worrying VERY MUCH as if he got past logan then--)

virgil comes up over the hill to a rock thrown at him and smashed very near his head. he whirls around, bringing up the sword, and patton emerges from behind the rock, another rock uplifted.

“what did you do with logan?!”

“he’s alive, just unconscious.”

“oh thank god,” and he lowers the rock, beaming. “this business is so dangerous the only reason we stick with it is because we’re broke” “well, understandable. i did the same for five years.”

“...so, uh, what now?” “i just kinda figured. well. i don’t want that nice prince to die. if you’re trying to save him, you can knock me out. i’ll kneel to make it easier for you, if you like.” “well that’s very kind of you”

ft. battle of iocaine powder, with a blindfolded roman, and virgil smirking as the dragon witch rattles off the varieties of reasoning (”you fell victim to one of the classic blunders!”) and eventually swaps glasses and dies anyways

virgil crosses over and unties the blindfold

“who are you?” “no one to trifle with. and that’s all you need to know.” “to think--yours was poisoned!” “no. i’ve spent the past five years building up an immunity to iocaine powder.”

eventually virgil lets roman stop to catch his breath and roman promises ransom, adding that deceit is a fantastic tracker

“you admit to me you do not love your fiancé” “he knows i do not love him” “are not capable of it, you mean” and roman draws himself up to his full height

“i have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream--”

virgil snarls and pulls roman along, keeping going before they get caught by deceit

eventually roman snaps that he knows he’s the dread pirate anx, admit it! and virgil does, and roman snarls that he can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces, etc etc etc

virgil, kind of testing him, asks about the love that he apparently killed. who is “poor and perfect, with the most beautiful eyes” and they bicker more and more, virgil saying “i remember this farm boy, i think.” and talking a game about how he died well and said “please. please, i need to live.” because he had true love

they bicker more and more and roman screams “i DIED that day!” and they see deceit’s horses, and roman snarls “you can die too for all i care before shoving him down the hill

“AAAAAS..... YOUUUUUUU... WIIIIIIIIISH”

and roman immediately throws himself down the hill after him

deceit realizes they’re heading to the fire swamp

roman and virgil have their sappy reunion “you’re alive! if you want, i can fly!” and the “death cannot stop true love. only delay it for a while” 

and then... fire swamp

roman gets a bit singed by the fire, and virgil explains how he took the dread pirate anx is actually multiple people; ryan, cummerbund, etc etc, while carrying roman through the forest. and then he sets him down and basically immediately roman gets sucked into lightning sand, and then the rous’

they make it out of the fire swamp and straight into deceit’s calvalcade, ft. six-fingered man

“you mean you wish to surrender to me? very well, i accept”

but also roman sees them trying to kill virgil and basically surrenders so they promise not to hurt him

“i thought you were dead once. it almost destroyed me. i can’t do it again.” and deceit whisks him onto his horse before he can say a proper goodbye to virgil

virgil gets knockt out and taken to the pit of despair

(fun fact: the henchperson in the pit of despair in the movie terrified me so much as a kid, oh my god)

anyways they clean his wounds and basically prep him for the Death Machine

roman, meanwhile, is moping quietly around the castle, as deceit basically covers for it with his father’s failing health. roman has stress dreams and nightmares about the wedding, before he marches to deceit’s office and declares that he will be dead by the morning after their wedding

deceit simpers that he could never cause roman grief, and they’ll alert virgil’s ship, etc., all that, and casts some shade, but roman stays strong. eventually they make a deal that if virgil wants roman, sure, but if not, please consider deceit as an alternative to death.

deceit reveals that he hired the dragon witch, as they walk to the pit of despair, and the six-fingered man starts virgil up on the Torture

after that, logan and patton (since reunited) are having a merry old time knocking people out in the thieves’ forest and avoiding arrest, when patton at last reveals the discovery of the six-fingered man

CHANGE OF PLANS, logan declares, and basically drags patton into this plan. he also needs, well, another swordsman, so he may as well go looking for...

virgil! who is Suffering, highkey, when deceit struts into the room. roman has since figured out his letters to virgil haven’t been sent, and he is. Angry About It, which makes deceit Angry at him and roman has basically been locked away until the wedding

back to virgil! as deceit is ranting about the true love, which is a once in a century ordeal, and so deceit snarls “then no man in a century will suffer as greatly as you will” and cranks the machine up to fifty

and uh. he ded y’all

not before screaming loud enough for basically the whole country to hear, including logan and patton!

who move towards the screaming, and are basically like “well, we’re in the middle of a forest, now what” until they stumble along the henchperson, who gets Knocked soundly along the head until he reveals the pit

they cart out virgil’s body to joan and talyn, and logan basically tells them that it would greatly displease deceit and so they have their whole thing (and TO BLAAAVE, which means to bluff! and rewatch the whole situation because it’s so funny and also like. oh my god. joan and talyn as miracle max and valerie)

so they get him the little chocolate covered miracle pill and haul virgil out

“bye bye, boys! have fun storming the castle!”

they feed him the miracle pill, but, uh, virgil’s physicality is....... incredibly limited

“let me explain! no, there’s too much. roman’s marrying deceit’s in less than half an hour. so we gotta break into the castle. and i have to kill count rogen.”

“great. the only trouble is i can’t move and there are sixty guards on that door”

basically they come up with the whole, like, demon entrance plan, which is hilarious, and come upon the head guard

“give us the gate key.” “i have no gate key.” “i see. patton, tear his arms off.” “oh you mean this gate key!”

wedding is happening, which.

“mawwaige..... mawwage is what bwings us togezzer... today.”

oh my god. oh my god it’s the precursor to the hewwo meme

anyways they keep talking “wuvvvvv.... TWU wuv!” and deceit snaps they speed up for it and they get the shortest vows ever

deceit gets roman taken to the honeymoon suite by his parents and he goes racing out to face virgil, logan, and patton, who is carrying virgil

in comes the six-fingered man, and six guards, who logan slays with ease

“hello. my name is logan sanders. you killed my father. prepare to die.”

dude fuckin sprints outta there, and logan follows

meanwhile, patton continues calmly carrying virgil until logan starts shouting for him to break down a door

patton gently installs virgil into the arms of a knight thing and stops logan from basically knocking his head against the door, before punching it down for him, and going back to get virgil

roman’s being escorted by the queen, who he gently kisses on the cheek

“what was that for?”

“you’ve always been so kind to me. and i’ll be killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.”

“....won’t that be nice. HE KISSED ME!”

logan has his Badass Fight and gets jabbed pretty bad in the stomach, but not before enacting his awesome revenge

roman dully enters the suite, and preps to stab himself in the chest, until he hears a voice from the bed

“there are very few perfect chests in the world. it’d be a pity to damage yours.”

“VIRGIL! OH, VIRGIL!”

and he rushes to kiss and hug him, and basically virgil reveals he can’t move all that much right now and is in a fair bit of pain

“won’t you forgive me?” “what did you do?” “i got married” “well, did you say i do?” “well... no.” “then you didn’t get married. don’t you agree, highness?”

and roman whirls around to see deceit

and virgil gives the badass to the pain speech

god it’s so. yes.

and virgil manages to stumble to his feet and hold out his sword, snarling “drop. your. sword.”

it’s scary enough that deceit basically immediately forfeits, and roman ties him up, beaming

logan stumbles into the room, holding his stomach “where’s patton?!” “i thought he was with you!” 

and they hear patton calling from the window, beaming and holding the reigns to four white horses

and they uh... happily ever after, running away together, to Be Gay and Do Crime

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Just a little something to simultaneously please and enrage everyone ;) my take on what the afterlife holds

When Klaus first opened his eyes in the Forrest outside of Mystic Falls he was convinced that an afterlife of isolation and insanity was what awaited him.

He stands up, unaware of the fact that he is standing directly on top of the exact spot that Mikael drove a sword through his heart and ended his human life a thousand years ago.

“I figured this is where they’d send you” a male voice sounds from behind him and he turns around quickly, somehow still feeling the need for self preservation even though he is dead.

He is greeted by a friendly face, however.

“And what made you think that?”

“I woke up where my father shot me back in 1864. Seemed only logical you would wake up where yours killed you. Rebekah showed me this spot once.”

Klaus nods, unable to stop a smile from spreading across his face “hello, old friend”

Stefan also smiles, stepping forward the two men embrace each other.

“Why Mystic Falls?” He asks

Stefan shrugs “didn’t exactly get a welcome packet, but I’ve figured out a few things in the last decade”

Klaus raises his eyebrows, waiting for more information

“You wake up where you died. As you can imagine, a lot of people have become vampires in Mystic falls. Every now and then someone will wake up in town and then walk over the border and just disappear”

“So why haven’t you left?” Klaus asks “surely you can’t want to spend 2 eternities haunted by this little town”

“I can’t” he admits “When I walk to the border it’s like there’s a wall there”

“Trapped in Mystic Falls” Klaus sighs “how utterly ironic”

Stefan laughs despite himself, “don’t worry about me. I know why I’m here” he says cryptically and Klaus narrows his eyes a little

“Just waiting for Damon to pass on so you can be reunited with the love of your life?” Klaus asks

“Not Damon” Stefan says, tightening his jaw and holding Klaus’ gaze.

Klaus scoffs “I warned you once to let her go if you couldn’t put her above your brother. You couldn’t do it in life, why would you expect to manage in death?”

Stefan shakes his head, exhaling loudly “well that won’t be a problem here. No need to protect the dead”

“Still” Klaus says bitterly, remembering the look on Caroline’s face when she told him of Stefan’s demise. Remembering how he felt in that moment that he would never have even close to a chance with her in eternity because she would always be haunted by the man who left her

“You don’t know anything about me and Caroline” Stefan says tensely

“I know you broke her” Klaus spits “I know you left her alone” he causes “and I know that I loved her long before you ever did” Why should a dead man hide his truth

“Well you still couldn’t stay alive for her” Stefan shoots back, equally bitter about the situation “so don’t act all high and mighty with me. Life is complicated. Love is hard.”

Klaus grits his teeth. He wants to tell Stefan that if someone handed him a white oak stake and put him in front of Elijah and Caroline that his dead brother would be in the grave in a second. He wants to challenge Stefan to that same scenario. But he does not. He knows the answer. He knows what Stefan would choose. He is ready to say as much when a third voice interrupts their turf war

“Did I truly live a thousand years only to wake up back in this pathetic town”

“Brother” Klaus says, registering again the moments that precluded his death.

“No need for explanations. I heard your pissing match from a hundred feet away where I woke up” Elijah admonishes them both.

Klaus narrows his eyes, not prepared to accept chastising from the brother with more than a few secrets of his own “so bitter to wake up in Mystic Falls” he notes “where were you hoping to be? New Orleans, Perhaps?” He pauses “or maybe a little cottage in the English countryside”

“Will you truly deny me happiness even from beyond the grave, Niklaus?” Elijah asks,

“Be happy where you desire, brother” Klaus responds with a devilish grin “I’m just reminding you that you have to choose”

“Take me to the border” he responds immediately.

“You don’t want to have another tearse goodbye? I’m hurt, big brother” Klaus responds

“I am quite confident we will see each other again. Once everyone’s destiny has been sorted”

Klaus is unsure exactly what he means but nods none the less “it’s only a matter of time”

“Let’s go” Stefan breaks in, taking off at a vampire run

“I thought he died human?” Elijah asks

“I guess some powers haunt you” Klaus responds as he takes off after his friend.

Elijah sighs, thoroughly over everything to do with this town. He follows them nonetheless.

The three immortals turned corpses stare at the invisible line in front of them.

“Shall we cross it together?” Klaus asks, voice betraying the vulnerability he feels. Wanting his brother to accept his invitation into the unknown.

“We can certainly try” Elijah responds

“Despite everything, I do carry with me a sadness that this is not the time for us to reminisce, old friend” Klaus says earnestly to Stefan. Despite their rivalry they were once friends. Before all of this.

Stefan nods “I can’t say I’m upset you won’t be here, but I must agree that I hope there will come a time for us to cross paths again”

Klaus nods

Elijah looks to his brother as they prepare to step over the line. His brows furrow for a second “I do not have to choose” he says abruptly

Klaus gives him an incredulous stare

“This is the afterlife. This is it. Why should we all hold such a torch for monogamy? I do not want to choose between Hayley and Katerina. Were I forced to I would know my answer, but I do not believe I will be forced to”

“That is a picture I never needed in my head for eternity, Elijah” Klaus responds

“But it is a message I believe you will need to remember” he says.

Klaus looks at his brother in confusion. What is he talking about?

The answer becomes clear in the next moment

When the original brothers make to step across the border

But only one of them disappears from view.

The other hits a wall

“Oh for fuck sakes” Stefan says in exasperation from behind A very confused Klaus

“I wish I was more surprised” Stefan admits

“I don’t understand?” Klaus asks, turning to his friend

Stefan sighs “I was hoping to not be the one to explain this part to you” he pauses “I need a drink if we’re going to have this conversation”

An hour and 8 bourbon neat’s later Stefan finally relents “you wake up where you died. Then you leave to find your eternity with the one you loved most” he shakes his head, pouring himself another shot

Klaus creases his eyebrows “look, Stefan I know we were mates, but I would hardly say-“

“Get your head out of your ass for once in your life” Stefan grits irritably, still angry at the hand destiny seems to have dealt him “everyone in the known universe knows how utterly in love you are with her except for her and you”

“Caroline” Klaus says, dumbfounded “but why?” He continues, reaching for the bottle himself “I always knew that she was everything for me but... she wants you in her eternity” he says bitterly “she still wears your ring around her neck. You are her everything” he says, the words like acid on his tongue

“Apparently not” Stefan shrugs

“I don’t understand” Klaus says, still shocked “she wants you. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to burden her with myself for eternity. Why can’t I leave her to be happy?” He asks, pain evident in his voice “just let me go. I will. I will go and you can both be happy. Caroline deserves that much” he says miserably

“You don’t get it” Stefan says, an edge of sympathy seeping into his clipped tone “no one is unhappy here. If she didn’t want you to be here you wouldn’t be. If she wanted only me, truly only me that is what she would have. You would be exiled. That’s the punishment. That’s the only punishment here. If you are unworthy of being loved you end up in isolation. Otherwise.... you will be with whoever you loved” he pauses “whoever loved you” he practically spits the last sentence.

Klaus is dumbfounded. He thought she was taking pitty on him. He never imagined for a moment that Caroline could truly... love him.

“I’m sorry” Klaus admits. And he is. He is sorry to cause his friend pain

“Don’t be. You’ll get your punishment and so will I”

Klaus looks at him in confusion

“Who knows how long it will take for Caroline to turn up. But I know that I love someone else. Your presence here confirmed everything. She will come when her time is up and so will the other man she loves”

“Elena” Klaus says, almost laughing “that is rich” he admits “to throw us all back into this town. What has death even changed at this point” his bitterness is evident

“Guilt” Stefan says slowly “Elena doesn’t have to feel guilty for loving Damon and me. I don’t have to feel guilty for loving Elena and Caroline. Caroline doesn’t have to feel guilty for loving me and you.”

Klaus scoffs “how ironic that I’m the only one who truly has eyes for only one woman”

Stefan looks up at him “that’s the only way I can make peace with you being here. Despite everything, you love her. Only her. She loves us both and we will deal with that. But you love her, and that is all that matters”

Klaus nods, “god only knows I’ll be punished for loving her” he shakes his head “in a few decades I’ll get to watch you and Damon fawn over Elena for who knows how long until she turns up” he shudders

“Maybe Caroline will die first. We lead dangerous supernatural lives” Stefan shrugs

“Don’t you dare say that” Klaus threatens “I don’t care how long I suffer. Caroline needs more time. Time with her daughters, time to see the world. She need more time. She’s barely begun”

Stefan nods “I couldn’t agree more. Why do you think I’m making peace with having to see your face every day for the rest of eternity”

Klaus smirks “So what do you propose we do for the next few centuries in this little town?”

Stefan raises a single eyebrow “isn’t it obvious?” He shakes the bottle of bourbon “we drink”.

[of-theatre-and-fandoms]

Talking to the Moon (Kaimaki)

Maki Harukawa was not crazy. Sure, people may have seen her as such for one reason, and one reason only. She talked to the moon. But you see, she had a perfectly good reason for doing so.

Her husband of about three years, Kaito Momota, had contracted some sort of fatal disease, slowly killing him from the inside out. One night, it had gotten especially worse and with that, she had rushed him to the hospital.

She sat with him all night, watching him cough up blood with a pained expression on his face. However, through it all he smiled, though it wasn’t one of his big genuine ones. This one barely even registered as a smile at all really. She knew he was trying for her sake, to get her to not worry so much, but they both knew that was failing miserably.

“H-Hey, Maki, don’t worry about me.. I’ll be fine, promise..!”

Maki had given him a small frown. “Don’t promise things like that.. Especially now. You know you.. You know you can’t promise you’ll be fine..”

“Ah.. I know just.. I guess I’m trying to reassure myself as much as I’m trying to reassure you..” He sighed and forced himself to sit up a bit, patting the small space in the small hospital bed. “Come here..”

“What? But there’s hardly any room—“

“I don’t really give a shit right now Maki Roll.. I want to hold my wife, whats the problem?” Kaito raised an eyebrow, almost in a challenging way. “Would you deny a man the pleasure of being able to hold his wife?”

Maki sighed and climbed onto the bed, snuggling up to him. “Dammit.. I love you Momota..”

He chuckled and held her tightly, trying to hold back a cough so he could at least get the words out. “I love you too Maki.. More than words can even describe.”

“You’re very solemn when you’re dying..” She nudged him, trying to joke around. “You usually would’ve said that in a happier tone..”

“Heh, well, at the moment I don’t really feel like I can be excited.. But I am happy, because I married the most amazing, most beautiful woman in the entire world..” He smiled and kissed her cheek, turning away quickly to cough up some more blood into the bucket on his other side. Kaito could feel that his end was drawing near, and he had the feeling that Maki knew it was coming too. But.. It couldn’t.. Not yet. There were so many things that he wanted to do, especially with Maki. His time couldn’t be here so soon.

Meanwhile, she held his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. Though she tried to put at least a fake smile on her face, there were tears threatening to spill down her cheeks at any moment. She never cried, and when she did it had to be something really horrible to make her do so. She was pretty sure this qualified.

———

Maki hadn’t wanted to doze off, but she must have, and when she woke up, the sun was shining in through the small hospital room’s window. She looked down at Kaito, whose eyes were closed and who was.. Still..

“Kaito.. Kaito wake up..” She frowned, shaking him a bit. She gave a sigh of relief when he opened his eyes, but only slightly.

“Hey.. Maki..” He sighed and gripped her hand weakly, his breaths getting shallower. “I love you.. To the moon and back..”

“Momota what are you doing.. Kaito..” She bit her lip, the tears awfully close to spilling as she watched her husband slowly slip away. “Kaito..!”

“Love you Maki Roll..” He sighed, his grip on her hand loosening as his body went limp, and shortly after she heard his monitors going crazy. She was scrambled out of bed as doctors and nurses rushed in, but everything after that was a blur. All she remembered was the doctor pronouncing him dead, though they had done all they could to revive him, it was too late.

And that’s when her world shattered.

———

The funeral was small, it only consisted of their group of friends for the most part. Her and Kaito’s close friend, Shuichi Saihara, stayed close to her side during the whole service, because she wouldn’t admit it, but she needed someone by her side right now. Kaede Akamatsu, his girlfriend, was right there on her other side too, squeezing her hand reassuringly.

Afterwards, when everyone was over at the house, they still stuck by her side like glue. Everyone was giving her sympathetic looks and everyone was giving her hugs or reassuring pats on the back. She hated sympathy and pity, and while she knew they were all trying to be nice, it didn’t mean she liked it. She hated feeling weak, and she hated feeling vulnerable, but maybe.. Just for today, she could allow herself to feel like this.

Later, after everyone had left, (She practically had to kick out Shuichi and Kaede), she wasn’t quite sure what to do. After all, she lived here by herself now. It was weird to think about, but here she was, standing in the foyer of the house, surrounded by the silence.

She wandered around the house for a bit, still unsure of what to do. She tried watching tv, but she couldn’t really focus on it or anything that was going on on the show that currently playing. She tried to eat something, but she merely picked at the sandwich she had made herself, only managing to take a few bites of it before putting it in a container to put in the refrigerator. What? She wasn’t about to waste food.

Eventually she just decided to go lay down, maybe at least attempt to get some sleep. She meandered upstairs and stood in the doorway of the master bedroom, taking a deep breath before entering. She looked around at the pictures of the two of them on the wall, and a photo of him on her nightstand. She picked it up and held it close to her chest, the tears that she had been holding back since the funeral, finally spilled out.

Maki sobbed for a good while, she didn’t keep track of how long she cried, but eventually she calmed down. She looked on the door handle of the closet, seeing his jacket hanging there. Freshly clean, she took it off the hangar and wrapped it around herself, breathing in the scent of him. It was way too big on her, but that was to be expected obviously, and that was her favorite part about it.

She would’ve gone to go lay down again, but at that exact moment the moonlight came shining right through the window and onto her. She looked out the window and looked at the moon, smiling a bit. She and Kaito would sometimes sit and stare at the moon, and he would tell her about the different phases, and she would listen with a fond smile on her face. Good times..

With a sigh, she sat by the window and stared out at the moon, closing her eyes. Was she crazy for what she was about to do? Maybe a little, but maybe this would help keep her sane. So she took a deep breath, and started talking as if she was talking to Kaito himself.

“Hi.. This feels really stupid, but I’m just going to keep telling myself that I’m talking to you.. Even though you’re gone..” She sighed and hugged her arms tightly, beginning to cry again. “Y-You’re gone.. God, I miss you so much.. The funeral was so hard Momota, I don’t think you get it.. Then again, you can’t even hear me, and I’m talking to the moon.. I’m fucking insane.”

Though, despite her thinking it was crazy, she didn’t stop, and this went on for at least a couple more weeks. She’d just sit and talk to the moon. She’d by lying if she said it didn’t help a little, because it did, in a way it gave her a little closure.

One night, Kaede and Shuichi stayed over, because earlier in the day they had been helping her clean out the closet of Kaito’s stuff. They promised not to throw everything out, but then again what would she do with all his stuff?

“I’ll figure it out, just put it in the basement or the attic. Just don’t throw it out.” She had given them both a scary look after saying it, so they figured it was safer to just do as she said.

Later, after they had all sat down for dinner and cleaned up, Kaede sent Maki up to bed because it looked like she hadn’t been getting enough sleep (not technically a lie), so Maki complied.

A while later, after Kaede and Shuichi were settled in the guest room and getting ready for bed, they both heard Maki’s voice from down the hall. Confused, they both went to go and see if she was okay. Who could she be talking to? Was she on the phone? Perhaps she was talking to herself?

Well.. They weren’t too far off from the last one, the door was cracked open and when they looked in, they found her sitting at the window, talking to the moon..? They were tempted to go in, but Shuichi suggested that it’d be best to just.. Leave her be, she was grieving and maybe this was her way of coping.

Even so, this continued on for years and years after his death. Everyone told her that it was time to move on, that this thing with talking to the moon was getting to be too much. He was gone and she needed to accept it.

Though, through all the negativity and the people telling her to stop, this was her way of feeling close to him, and she didn’t have any plans to stop anytime soon.

And this was why Maki talked to the moon. Because whenever she did, it was almost as if Kaito was talking back to her.. Almost..

(Hope y’all like angst :) oh, and this is also based off the song Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars, go give it a listen 👌)

[modernart2012]

Grave Robbing for Fun and Profit (Mostly Profit)

@sumigakure ​ Halloween Event 2017

Bonus Prompt: Grave Robbing

Word Count: 14170

On AO3

Summary: Aka - Kagami may have lost the battle, but he will win the War.

Takes place in the same Universe as You remind me of (Home). Consider this the sequel that also ate my brain

Kagami bursts into the room, panicking at a decent Level 7. “Profess - FIRE GOD’S FLAMING BALLS MY EYES!” He recoils trying to erase what he had just seen from his retinas, but then remembers who is following just behind him. “MINION NO!!!! DON’T COME IN!!!!” Trying to cover his eyes and block Orochimaru’s eyes simultaneously was pretty hard, especially since Kagami isn’t precisely sure where Orochimaru is.

  Orochimaru pauses behind him somewhere, unfazed, “Kagami, I am best friends with Jiraiya. I have undoubtedly seen and heard worse.”

  Kagami doesn’t think that’s a valid defense. “No! Bad! Minors shouldn’t be exposed to these sorts of R rated things!” He bops Orochimaru on the nose like a particularly misbehaved puppy, and gets a startled look for his efforts. He’s going to regret that when his coffee is exchanged for decaf pumpkin spice - a vile monstrosity on all parts - tomorrow. Today. Whenever the next most convenient time/place was. Whatever, live fast die young and all that. Then he whirls back around to his cousin and his … actually what are they? Dating? Boyfriends? Lovers? Is this the right time to ask if they’ve DTR’d?  Wait, that isn’t the point, “Why were you doing that sort of thing in a place where anyone could just walk in on you?!”

  Cousin Madara makes a high pitched whine of horror and abject humiliation, and Professor Senju simply quirks an Eyebrow of Doom at them. “This is my private residence. The door was locked.” Kagami wants to frown disappointedly at Professor Senju - they’d known each other how many years now? A locked door means nothing.

  Orochimaru calls over from the bookshelf, “Kagami picked the lock.”

  Cousin Madara groans harder, covering his face with his hands. Tough luck, but it really didn’t do anything for his disheveled hair and half-unbuttoned shirt. Or Professor Senju’s missing shirt. Which, good job Cousin Madara, Professor Senju is fit. Would this be the time to send a Subtle and Discreet Thumbs Up? “Is there a particular reason you broke into my home at … 8:16 pm on a Saturday, Kagami?”

  Oh. Oh yeah. “I,” Orochimaru interrupts with a pointed cough, “- I mean we - fixed the issue with the Reanimation technique.” Both Cousin Madara and Professor Senju blanch simultaneously. Kagami hadn’t known either of them could go any paler. “Wait, no, we made it work on a dead dog. There are no supernatural zombies this time.”

  “This time?” Orochimaru perks up, interest piqued. Oh, Fire God’s balls.

  “NO. BAD MINION. NO SUPERNATURAL ZOMBIES FOR YOU.” Maybe Kagami should invest in a spray bottle. Properly training and socializing one’s minion is hard work. How did Professor Senju ever get him trained? He catches Orochimaru glaring at him with calculation in his eyes, turns his head and sees the exact same look on Professor Senju, as if both are contemplating the best way for him to die. He resolves to work on his death glare. Clearly that’s what he’s been doing wrong this whole time.

  “And this couldn’t have been a text message why?” Ah, there’s that throbbing vein in Professor Senju’s forehead. Kagami’s old friend.

  “Well, see, that’s a long story….”

  500,000 ryo, two favors of his choice, a house, and a left kidney (extraction pending) was the final pot that Cousin Izuna won. Plus a second date with Tōka Senju, though that might have been incidental to the actual bet if the way he was walking funny was anything to judge by. Kagami wonders where he had gone so wrong, to lose out on that much stuff. Did no one pity the young and their student debt? Cousin Izuna didn’t need that stuff, he had a job that paid well. Except the date with the Senju lady, he’d been starry-eyed long enough over her. Kagami is still holding out hope on a double wedding - tensions are still rampant with the Senju, so having a two-for-one wedding would limit the amount of dead bodies created. Unless it was Uncle Setsuna, in which case, fuck Uncle Setsuna.

  Cousin Hikaku is unimpressed. “Kagami. Please stop clutching my leg and crying in public. You’re scaring the children.” Kagami looks over at where Orochimaru and his friends are staring at him impassively over various forms of ice cream.

  Kagami considers for a moment, “They are minors.” Genius minors that were revolutionizing their chosen fields of study, but still minors. It still wasn’t enough to stop him from flopping pathetically over Cousin Hikaku’s lap. He had no shame, and Hikaku was the best for cuddling.

  Jiraiya blusters around his mint chocolate chip mouthful, “We’re 16, not idiots!” Tsunade ducks his wildly gesticulating spoon, calmly sipping at her milkshake.

  Orochimaru eyes Jiraiya skeptically, “Are we absolutely sure about this.” When Jiraiya chokes on his ice cream in his haste to disabuse Orochimaru of the statement, neither he nor Tsunade made a move to help.

  “Aren’t you studying to be a doctor?” Kagami asks Tsunade distractedly. He didn’t know people could actually turn that color. Maybe he should take pictures? Jiraiya might want to know, he is a writer and he needs descriptions.

  “The Medic’s Oath only applies to those who are your patients. Jiraiya is not.” Over the sound of Jiraiya coughing, Tsunade adds, “Besides, he’s coughing. He can breathe.” With a move that spoke of years of practice, she punches his breathing back into normal pattern. “Are you finished having your pity party over losing one portion of the betting pool? I want to know so I can decide if I need to get another milkshake or not.”

  Kagami slumps over. “No, I’m done.” The youth were so jaded and cynical these days! Where were their hearts? Their sympathy for their fellow struggling humans?

  Cousin Hikaku decides that he’s going to be nice for a moment and scritches Kagami’s head like he did when they were little. Long suffering and patient. “There there, Kagami.” It felt good where his hair was still growing back in after having it burned off by Cousin Madara - who knew Cousin Madara had such excellent aim even without being able to see? Luckily he had been in a hospital already.

  “What’s the big deal about having debts anyways?” Orochimaru asks. Jiraiya and Tsunade nod, because genius and young meant that they had caboodles of money falling out of the sky into their laps for their achievements. “You just have to make something and patent it and you get money for it and pay off the debt.”

  “Says the Baby Experimental and Theoretical Magician Who’s Already Famous for Their Experimental Magic, the Kabillion-times Awarded Writer Renowned Throughout the Elemental Nations and Has People Falling Over Themselves to Buy Their Books, and the Medic Who’s Already Revolutionized the Medical Field Plus Invented New Magical Technology.” Kagami accuses. “The most groundbreaking thing I’ve worked on is already owned! By the military. A little to the left Cousin Hikaku, ah, right there. Perfect.”

  “It’s kind of scary, but you really can hear the capitals,” Tsunade muses. Orochimaru nods once in agreement. Jiraiya looks intrigued.

  “You know, this is giving me all sorts of ideas for my next novel,” Jiraiya comments over the edge of his notebook. “Kagami, would you say you’re feeling pampered and well-cared for?” He thinks for a moment, “Actually, would you say that you’d call Mr. Hikaku ‘Big Brother’ or ‘Master’ in this situation? Or is this more ‘Peon/Servant’ like?”

  Tsunade and Orochimaru exchange speaking looks, then Tsunade punches Jiraiya in the head. Kagami blinks blankly. Come to think of it, what kind of books did Jiraiya even write?

  “It doesn’t matter, the project is a dud for want of control of the subject.” Kagami groans into Hikaku thigh. They’re very comfortable, unlike Cousin Mikoto who apparently has never heard of skipping leg day and has thighs that could crush a man’s skull. Then the Idea hits him. “Wait! THAT’S IT! I just need to invent and patent a fool-proof control seal, then when the Man wants it I can name my price!” He grabs Orochimaru, “COME MINION! LET US AWAY!” He’s a good Mentor, so he makes sure Orochimaru has his ice cream cone and napkins before he drags him away. Rule One of Minion Keeping: Take Care of Thy Minion.

  As he dashes out of the ice cream parlor, he faintly hears: “Hey, Mr. Hikaku, how much is the minimum amount to place a bet in the betting pool?”

  “Tsunade-hime, no.” Jiraiya moans in despair.

  “Tsunade yes.” Kagami feels the fingers of the Lady of Death wrap around his coffin and shivers, but Experimental Magic waits for no man and he forges on.

  Kagami pauses as he hears a stomach growl. “Minion, why didn’t you say you were hungry?! This is unacceptable. Professor, I’m pressgang-ing your kitchen. Come along Baby Snake.” He marches confidently out of the room, because his cousin’s whatever’s house was his house too and all that.

  Cousin Madara splutters, “Kagami you can’t just tell people you’re taking over their kitchen.” Because Cousin Madara didn’t do the same regularly. The hypocrite. Besides, Kagami needs to know how Professor Senju keeps his kitchen before he gives Cousin Madara his blessing. Kitchens tell you a lot about a person, after all, and it wouldn’t do to have a kitchen heathen in the family.

  Professor Senju looks at his - whatever - in askance, “Is that the only issue you with that?”

  Cousin Madara shrugs, “It’s Kagami,” as if that explained everything. Which, maybe it did but that’s because he’s sensible and everyone else around him is slightly insane.

  Orochimaru seems to concur, “We had ice cream for breakfast yesterday because Kagami said he needed to eat his feels and it’s proven to be good for mental health.” Still he gets up and follows Kagami like a good minion, and receives a piece of candy for good behavior. Cousin Madara and Professor Senju trail behind looking perturbed. Whatever, they just don’t get his genius.

  He sets the dishes in the sink to cleaning as he pokes around for ingredients, because 1) eww, who wants to have to do dishes on date night?, 2) he’s pretty sure he’s going to need that spatula because Orochimaru likes eggs, and 3) it take less than a thought, so why not. “Professor Senju, where do you keep the rice?” Omelette rice was simple and tasty, but he’d been practicing making egg curry rice balls and he needed guinea pigs to taste it before unleashing it on the unsuspecting masses that was the grad student lunch-luck. He was going to beat out that asshole Inuzuka in the Medical Pharmacology department if it was the last thing he did in graduate school. Choices choices.

  Professor Senju ignores him in favor of asking, “Is this like the House Thing?” Oooh, fresh tomatoes. Curry it is.

  Cousin Madara nods while Orochimaru looks up from where he’s perched on the counter petting his snake, “What House Thing?” Then he pauses and corrects, “I don’t want to know if it’s something kinky.” Kagami passes him another candy. Good behavior must be rewarded. Cousin Madara makes a dying noise and collapses into a chair.

  “That doesn’t matter, you heard Tsunade make a outrageous bet and didn’t think twice about your course of action?” Professor Senju asks while pinching the bridge of his nose. He’s somehow managed to procure a shirt, boooo.

  Orochimaru speaks around his mouthful of candy. “To be fair, Tsunade is usually wrong.” She usually is - there was a reason all the local bookies were fighting over if it were fair to tell people what she had bet on. It tended to drive up business, but people tended to win more, so it’s pretty much an even split as to opinions.

  “Before we go any further, do we really need to know anything that transpired in the last 24 hours?” Cousin Madara sounds pained. Maybe he’s eaten something that doesn’t agree with him? Kagami isn’t surprised, the man likes his spice with extra spice and that’s not easy on the stomach.

  Kagami sets the rice to cook and pulls out the first of the (frankly lacking) vegetables to be chopped. “Well, yes, mostly because I’m pretty sure the military and international police are hunting for us.” At least one, possibly two, but that wasn’t important, really.

  Kagami is pretty sure Cousin Madara is praying for a lightning bolt to kill him dead right now. Someone really ought to keep an eye on that, praying to die is probably a sign of depression and/or suicidal thoughts.

    “Kagami, why are we breaking into the Restricted Archives.” Orochimaru nods and smiles at the librarian at the desk, because he’s somehow gotten in good with them and Kagami would like to note it’s entirely suspect because his minion routinely fails Socialization 101 so him being in good with anyone is questionable.

  “We’re not breaking in.” Kagami protested as he scanned his universal access card that he had copied from the Dean’s Office. “We have an appropriate pass and everything! And it’s broad daylight!” Nothing illicit happened in broad daylight.

  “A pass the administration doesn’t know you have and that I would stake my third undergraduate degree on you having obtained through less than legitimate means,” Orochimaru points out.  Kagami pretends to not notice as Orochimaru subtly picks his pocket and clones the pass on his phone. Of course his minion wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to have access to knowledge!

  “Baby Snake, have I ever led you astray?” Kagami leads the way down the long aisles of books, looking for the shelves with the advanced and forbidden sealing techniques. There was some book about mind control seals, something from the heyday of sealing in Uzu no Kuni. Kagami had seen it before, back when he had been packmule-ing texts for Professor Senju.  

  He walks confidently down the corridor to the rotunda where the shelves started.Forbidden fire magics, forbidden earth magics, forbidden water magics (oooh, Kagami would have to remember that there is a text on torture methods, that one’s new), forbidden air magics, forbidden nature transformations, forbidden bukijutsu (weren’t all bukijutsu forbidden?). They should be getting close, sealing was usually hidden deeper in the vault of libraries, where the wards were older, stronger, and more sensitive to intruders trying to forcibly break through.

“Kagami, you regularly get lost. Do you really want me to answer that?”

  Kagami swears the quality of minion has gone down since his day. That’s it, Orochimaru gets to re-calibrate the micro pipettes, no wet bench experiments for him. “Ah, here we go.” Finally the right shelf. A quick perusal of the titles gained nothing significant, so Kagami takes the most promising titles and then dumped the less promising ones on Orochimaru. “To the research tables!”

  Four hours of scribbling notes and painstakingly copying seal matrix elements later, they had exhausted the texts they had claimed and started in on round two. Upside, Kagami is pretty sure he could pass any pop quiz Professor Uzumaki gives on sealing and it’s theory in that moment; downside is that he’s running low on candy to bribe the minion with. He stares moodily at the latest betrayal: the right text (finally!) but one written in code. “If this ends up being a puzzle like in Full Metal Alchemist, I’m going to invent time travel just to go back in time to punch the author,” Kagami informs Orochimaru.

  At the blank look he gets in response, he fears the worst. Then, “Wouldn’t you rather use time travel for something … more humanitarian? Like, ending wars before they started?”

  “And jeopardize my own existence? I think not.” Honestly, did Orochimaru think he was born yesterday? Kagami has a healthy appreciation of the Grandfather Paradox. What if he were to end up with multiple Uncle Setsunas? He’d have to go to jail for pre-mediated multiple homicide, no matter that he’d be doing the world a service. Objectively, it’s not worth it.

  Orochimaru considers Kagami thoughtfully before nodding, “Fair enough.” Then, with slightly too much magic, he twisted air and lightning-flavored-fire together and the air was awash with books flipping through their pages madly, pausing open on certain pages. A second twist, this time water via a snake hand seal and the blank loose leaf surrounding them began to fill with information. As soon as the information from each paused upon page was noted, and the rest of the book checked for relevance, the books returned to their places on the shelves.

  Kagami had to admit it was a neat use of magic, but also, “Are you trying to blow us all up? Air and fire together is liable to cause an inferno! Channeling water through a primarily earth magic hand seal? It could have exploded the entirety of the University! Where would you get such an idea from anyways?” He keeps thwacking Orochimaru over the head until he steps out of range.

  Orochimaru rubs the back of his head where Kagami had whacked him petulantly, “Professor Sarutobi’s done it before.”

  “Professor Sarutobi has practiced in a controlled environment, with more hand seals until he could do his spell with only a few hand signs, and not just experimented on the fly. And don’t try to tell me that you didn’t just make up those spells just now.” At least Orochimaru has the sense to look guilty. “Seriously! You’re a genius, did you not think that through at all? Just… don’t do it again. Get the notes and let’s see what we have.”

  What they have is a hot mess. Not even the fun kind of hot mess. Time for trial and error then. “Grab your tablet, we’re going to have to test seal matrices.” Thank the Four for Professor Uzumaki developing a seal and ward prediction app. Draw in your proposed seal or ward, and it would spit out what it would do. No more explosions in the Sealing and Wards department! The only downside is the drawing - Kagami isn’t in the Sealing and Ward department for a reason. Glancing over at Orochimaru’s chicken scratch, it’s clear that there is a good reason he isn’t either. It was going to be a long day.

  “Actually, wouldn’t it just be easier to scry for the right elements?” Orochimaru, that sly bastard. “I mean, we should have enough moon-harvested water around, and we have a thrice-mirrored bowl?” Kagami waits patiently for the answer to become obvious - there’s a good reason they can’t use scrying here and it would compute in 3, 2, 1 … “Oh, the symbols.”

  “Exactly. Premontionary and Clairvoyant magic is a lost magic for a reason, and it isn’t because we can’t do it. We just can’t focus in on when or what we want to see.” Kagami chews his lower lip in concentration; the whorls of the external enclosing planes had to be precise for energy direction. Would an earth based element as a part of the directory pathways help or hinder the process? Air elements wouldn’t be right, they weren’t look for knowledge, they wanted mind control which was as opposite of knowledge that they could get, but water’s malleability conflicts with earth and it’d become a muddled mess.

  It was an unfortunate shortcoming, but the application wouldn’t, or rather couldn’t tell you where you went wrong. Just that the seal didn’t work, or that the energy pathways ruptured, or memorably, with one frustrated scribble, death and destruction to the bonds between molecules. From that point, things rapidly devolve as their eyes begin to blur with strain. They had created a 13th brand new variant of explosive seals - really, they’re easier to make than anyone wants the average person to believe - when the latest seal matrix is announced to probably have mind control properties. Kagami nearly drops the tablet in shock. “Holy Fire God’s blessed ashes. We did it!”

  Orochimaru catches the tablet when Kagami finally finishes fumbling it around. “It only says ‘probably’, though.”

  Kagami doesn’t stop dancing in celebration, “It’s good enough for a test! To the graveyard!” He moonwalks to the door and is halfway down the hallway before realizing. “Wait! Save that seal,and the rest, and print out like seven copies of each on seal paper. Plus the Reanimation seal! Let’s test the lot!”

  It wasn’t a long trek to the graveyard, but they’d stopped to pick up lunch and snacks, plus water bottles and a bag because who knows how long it’d take to get through all of these seals. Proper hydration and feed was the undisputed key to excellent research, everyone knew that. It was also around lunchtime and research did not wait for growling stomachs.

  Then they realized that it was an exotic pet cemetery and no one really needed a tiger on the loose on the off chance that the seal failed to work and had to go to the opposite end of town for the regular pet cemetery attached to the regular human graveyard way in the back.

  “This one seems promising!” The headstone read “Spot”, and that was a normal pet name. Easy enough, really. Probably a dog, maybe a rabbit if someone had a rabbit with a spot -

  “It’s a cat.” Orochimaru boggles from where he’s prized off the top of the casket. “This is ‘Spot’?”

  “Now now, minion, we can’t judge people on their naming sense. Afterall, ‘Spot’ is a human name too.” And he had always wondered what had happened that Uncle Tajima had agreed to that name. Aunt Akane really must have put the fear of the Four into him….

  Kagami shakes himself out of his spiral of thinking when he hears the crunching of gravel. “Quick, hide,” he hisses at Orochimaru, then scrambles into the bushes. Grave robbing is a crime still, no matter that this is in the name of Experimental and Theoretical Magic, and Kagami would like to not go to jail, thank you.

  Two figures in dark cloaks trudge up the path carrying flowers. Small Lords of Ash and Smoke, please let them not pause at the dug up grave please let them not pause at the dug up grave pleasepleaseplease - The figures stop in front of the dug up grave. Fuck the Water God’s sacred duck.

  “What’s happened to Madara?” The tall one with the face cloth cries, part horror and part vengeance-will-be-mine. He drops to his knees in the mess, sifting through the dirt and grass pensively. After a long moment, “They can’t have left too long ago, Hidan. The soil is still freshly overturned.”

  Kagami and Orochimaru exchange looks and in an unparalleled instance of reading each other’s minds sprang into action simultaneously. Orochimaru sprints in the opposite direction while Kagami leaps out and blows the strongest fire spell he can muster into the face of the two men.

That should take care of that - “Flame of the Fire God!” A scythe rips through the fire ball, closely followed by the bare-faced man, Hidan, who looks remarkably undamaged for having taken a fire ball point blank.

  Kagami makes the executive decision to run. He’s halfway back to his car, dodging sweeps of the scythe and vaulting over headstones, to where he hopes Orochimaru has gotten in and started the engine, when he feels a solid thwack to his skull and the world goes dark.

    Cousin Madara groans from where he’s watching tomatoes stew down on the stove, poking at the mass warily, “Every time I think this can’t possibly get any worse, it does. First with the breaking and entering, then the grave robbing, and now kidnappers.” He points the wooden spoon that’s been stirring the sauce in Kagami’s face. “You are never allowed out without supervision again. Ever.”

  Kagami pouts, “Excuse you, but you’re not the boss of me.” He sticks his tongue out for added effect.

  Professor Senju had pulled out a cooling compress around the time they got to the graveyard, and lifted the corner that was just over his eyes. “You did say ‘Hidan’ correct? Was he by chance with a man named Kazuku?”

  Orochimaru perks up from where he’s been patiently shelling field peas, “Do you know them Professor?”

  Professor Senju pauses, then states baldly, “Kazuku tried to kill me and Brother once.”

  He replaces the cloth just in time to miss Cousin Madara whirls around, “When was this?!” Tomato sauce flies off the spoon as Cousin Madara gesticulates frantically. Kagami really hopes it won’t stain the pale Iron blue Professor Senju had painted his kitchen. Even if it was mostly for show.

  Then the thought occurs to him, “Ah, to be fair, they were more like jacks-of-all-trade rather than just kidnappers? They did ransoms, sacrifices, assassinations, bounty hunting, serial killing/mass murder - what’s the difference by the way? - plus or minus some contract killing, but that could be the same as assassination. And odds jobs, as long as they paid.”

  It’s like a record had jumped and scratched. Professor Senju and Cousin Madara exchange a Look, and how sweet, they’re at the stage where they could hold entire conversations with their eyes! Practically married! “And how did you come by this information?” Professor Senju queries calmly and carefully.

  Orochimaru answers from where he’s digging his snake out of the pea shells, “Oh, we talked to them.”

    Contrary to what the movies would have you believe, getting knocked unconscious tended to be traumatic and leave one with a ringing in the ears and a throbbing in the skull. Unfortunately, the lack of light in what appeared to be a car trunk meant Orochimaru wasn’t able to check him from concussion, and the lack of room meant neither of them could risk a small flame to see either. As it was, someone had disabled the emergency escape latch in the trunk so rolling out and getting to a medical facility was completely out of the question. Or so Orochimaru tells him, Kagami is a little too nauseous to check for himself. The bouncing of the car tells him they’re not on asphalt, more likely gravel or one of the many forest roads that are covered in rocks and tree roots. Either one is not a good sign - neither of those are features of roads anywhere near the University.

  Telling Orochimaru that would do no good; Frightening the Minion is Not to Be Borne. So instead Kagami announces with as much dignity as he can muster laying on his side curled into the fetal position. “I think I am going to vomit.”

  The car comes to a screeching halt. “Oh, fucking no you don’t! I just got the Chariot of Fucking Destruction detailed!” Ah, the dulcet tones of yelling. They don’t help Kagami’s swimming head, or the building roiling of his gut.

  Which is how Kagami projectile vomits all over Scythe Dude when he yanks open the trunk. He flops over the rear bumper and moans pitifully. He wants ice like burning and the cloud-blanket Cousin Izuna had knit him that felt like a hug when he snuggles in. And his mom to pet his head like she did when he was little. That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

  Apparently so, because he gets hoisted up into a fireman carry by Mr. Strong Arms and - Holy Fire God he has muscles. ”Do your workouts work out?” He squeezes the bit of bicep he can reach, and pokes at the trapezius on his other side. The robe gets in the way a bit, but thank the Four for partial nudists!

  Orochimaru follows sedately behind. “I apologize in advance for Kagami.”

  The Veil-Face nods sympathetically, “I as well; Hidan always uses too much force.”

  Orochimaru extends a pale hand, “Orochimaru. I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you but - ”

  “Kazuku. Don’t worry about it, we’re consummate professionals. We will ensure that this is as painless as possible so you are inclined to leave a positive review about your experience.” The handshake they exchange is firm and cordial. Kagami thinks he needs to set up a module on Kidnapping 101. This is most probably not the proper thing to do when kidnapped. Professor Senju never had to give him that lesson; he can’t even trawl through Professor Senju’s archives for help. He moans, he doesn’t want to have to create a new Power Point, they take forever and what does he even say? If the University finds another incident of suspicious search history….

  “Oi! If you puke on me again I’m sacrificing you to Jashin-sama!” Hidan barks over his shoulder, apparently concerned by the pitiful sounds Kagami is making.

  Kagami thinks about it for a moment, over the murmur of conversation Orochimaru and Kazuku discussing … immortality and magic natures, or something like that? … before going for broke, “Who’s Jashin-sama?”

  He takes Kazuku’s, “Lady of Death preserve me in eternal life,” at face value. There’s only a select few people who would ever call on the Lady of Death and only the movies would have you believe they’re all crazy, much more likely he’s a follower of the Lady of Death. Weird, but much more plausible. Immortality was myth and legend, and not even a Lost Art myth or legend; at least those had some evidence towards being real and replicable.

  “Jashin-sama is a great and benevolent God, heathen! Take a page from this wretched soul and listen to the word of Jashin! Maybe you’ll be saved!” Hidan crouches to let Kagami down at the base of a tree, and then gestures at Orochimaru to get himself over there too. Then he starts rummaging through his pockets, apparently that cloak had a lot, and deep ones too. Kagami’s impressed, he’ll have to ask after the make and model and get himself one. It seemed useful, like a lab coat only socially acceptable to wear outside of lab.

  Kazuku sighs heavily, before stating blandly, “If either of you have people willing to pay ransoms for your safe return, and/or pay for repairs to Spot’s grave, speak now.”

  Orochimaru eyes Kagami speculatively, before taking the proffered call phone and dialing. “Professor Sarutobi? I’ve been kidnapped. So has Kagami. Yes, Kagami Uchiha. Please comply with our kidnappers requests.” Orochimaru listens intently, nodding to whatever Hiruzen says, before handing the phone back to Kazuku.

  Kagami can feel the disappointment from Hiruzen already. He’d bet last night’s authentic Uzu ramen that he’s going to be lectured at the next faculty meeting. He’ll have to bring a discreet snack, Hiruzen tended towards long-winded and unnecessarily complicated explanations and lectures that were probably best delivered in vernacular rather than high-brow concepts and metaphors. Where he even picked up that tendency was anyone’s guess, Professor Senju was concise and to the point and definitely was not a dick about things like Hiruzen. Maybe if he threw a glove to issue a challenge? Kagami could take Hiruzen in hand-to-hand combat. He only had nitrile gloves though, did that even count?

  “Aha! Found it!” Hidan bellows in triumph, breaking Kagami from his stupor. “Time to enlighten you heathens to the truth, to Jashin-sama!” He unfolds a small booklet, before straightening his spine to pronounce with gravity, “Tenet the first: Everything is destined for utter destruction.”

  “Makes sense, the second law of thermodynamics.” At Hidan’s blank look, Kagami expands, “You know, entropy? Everything is in a constant state of decay, everything in the universe is on track to be completely destroyed? Everything tends towards destruction? It’s basic physics!”

  Hidan looks conflicted, “Your heathen science has somehow found the truth, yet is still heathen and ought to be rejected.”

  Kagami crosses his arms, “You can think of it that way, or you can think of it as science being the explanation for the Unknown Mysteries of the Universe. ‘A Search is what They have wrought for length, and depth, and wideness.’”

  A series of thoughtful nods, then Hidan clears his throat. Kazuku reappears from between the trees, phone call over. Orochimaru asks him conversationally, “So, what is it that you do?”

  Hidan continues, “Tenet the Second: To wreak Destruction upon everything is the highest calling. Anything less is a sin. Tenet the Third: Discard those who fear death, for there is nothing more holy than the end. Death is the absence of fear. Tenet the Fourth: Those who undergo the mystic rituals will find immortal life by the will of Jashin-sama.” He pauses, then, “Remember these tenets, because they will be the core of your life henceforth! You, once you have accepted Jashin-sama and the teachings of Jashinism, will live and die by these fundamental truths.”  

  Kazuku looks up from his notebook and calculator, apparently tabulating something, “We do a bit of this and that. Whatever pays most at the time, kidnapping, ransom, contract killing, bounty hunting. Odd jobs, as necessary. Keeps the bank account flush.”

  Hidan spits, sidetracked, “Of fucking course, because this heathen piece of shit only worships money. He’s killed monks and destroyed temples for money. Blasphemous motherfucker, sold out his own country for a quick buck.”

  Kagami would like to point out the obvious, but it might not be a good time. Considering that Hidan pulls out his scythe - which, on second look, is really impractical, given that it has three blades on the same side, meaning that unless one uses it in a primarily overhand chopping manner only one blade is ever going to do the cutting - and Kazuku is queuing up magic like it’s a Magic combat tournament championship. “Are you going to sacrifice me to your Jashin-sama? Without praying? Am I neighborly enough to qualify for killing, Hidan?”

  And now would be the time to duck for cover. Because Kagami hasn’t heard that level of vitriol and barely leashed rage since the time someone made a sexist remark about women in front of Koharu. He’s willing to stake his life on the fact that they’re about to see a similar level of beat down, with the same exact sum number of witnesses: none. “Minion, move.” He pushes at Orochimaru’s shoulder with as much this-is-imperative-listen-to-me desperation as he can muster, because they are both in danger of dying and -

“Fucking rot in Hell.” Before Kagami can react- even think about shielding Orochimaru from what’s coming, because he’s too young to see something like murder - Kazuku’s neck is severed. Blood gushes forth, and then thousands of thin black threads that quickly attach Kazuku’s head with no other apparent damage beyond the new set of stitches to his throat. It is easily one of the most horrifying yet fascinating things Kagami has ever seen.

  “Fire God’s Eternal Flame.” Kagami can’t stop replaying the scene he saw over and over and over in his head. Orochimaru is the only thing holding him upright; his bones have turned from jelly to water. There’s no way - Kazuku moves lightning quick, or must’ve, because the next thing Kagami can see is that Kazuku’s fist is through Hidan’s chest. Hidan only laughs maniacally.

  “Like that sort of thing can kill me fuckwit.” The scythe swings down and slices through Kazuku’s arm for long enough that Hidan slides straight off the end of his arm. The gaping absence in the middle of his chest starts to close over before their eyes. Right. Immortality. Damnation of sulphur and ash.

  Luckily, the duo seems well matched in terms of ability and wholly focused on trying to murderize each other. “Orochimaru. Tell me you got the keys?” Kagami whispers lowly as they stumble blindly through the woods. Every now and again the sound of a massive collision roars by, tinged with different magic types equally. Monsters, the both of them.

  A cloud of dust and high-speed wind has them ducking behind one of the massive trees that Hi no Kuni is known for. It adds a new level to the ringing in his ears. Kagami wants to blame his still throbbing head, but he would swear that they’re not getting any farther from where the immortals are duking it out. “Come on Kagami, only 500 meters to the car, we can make it.” Orochimaru, such a good minion, being supportive… and supportive, given the fact that Kagami’s arm is around Orochimaru’s neck and the teen is half carrying him since his legs are failing to support him properly without assistance. Once Kagami got a chance, he was going to promote Orochimaru to Head Minion. Maybe Chief Lab Assistant. Definitely put him up for the “Best Minion Award” at the next departmental grad student meeting.

  The crack of a twig that didn’t come from their footfalls first alerts them that there is something else out there that isn’t just them and the still clashing monsters wreaking havoc across the landscape. There were red laser dots flitting across the tree trunks, but that was probably a hallucination - Kagami really needs to get his head checked out. “Shit.” And Orochimaru is cursing. Since the last last time Kagami had ever heard a curse exit Orochimaru’s mouth was after he paralyzed his arms, he’s suitably alarmed.

  Orochimaru picks up his pace, moving diagonally to flank the dancing dots. They’ve nearly gotten behind the shadowy figures gliding through the dappled shadows and dust clouds when a low and dangerous growl starts up behind them. “I would stop moving if I were you.”

  “Would this person happen to have white hair? In a completely non-regulation ponytail? Scary, but nice scary? Younger than Kagami but Older than Orochimaru?”

  “Uh, he had a wolf?” Really that was the most memorable thing about him. That thing was clearly suffering from gigantism, or whatever the canid version of Marfan’s Syndrome is. If it even was a regular canid and not some beast of myth and legend. Kagami got a hair sample. Just to be sure. Who knows, maybe Celestials and Spirits had DNA like normal mortal creatures. “Do you prefer vinegar and sugar rice, or just plain rice in your rice balls.”

  “This explains why I got a phone call about someone who looks like an Uchiha cavorting with known criminals and fleeing from the military.” Cousin Madara looks conflicted, then passes the vinegar and sugar. Kagami would have to be sure to add extra spice to the curry to balance it out then.

  “And you didn’t expect Kagami?” Thanks Professor Senju, Kagami’ll be sure to give him a rice ball with all the pickled plum. He didn’t get into trouble that often, and most of his family are employed in law enforcement.

  “Look, you try meeting the Wild Hunt and not fleeing. I have things to achieve and they all start with no getting scooped by the Fair Folk and spending eternity hunting things down. Or being hunted. Or being eaten. ” Kagami grumbles, then floats over a mug of coffee. Going 24 hours without the nectar of the Gods is pushing it, okay. He needs his fix.

  Cousin Madara makes a pinched face. Kagami adds a pinch of asafoetida, anise, and turmeric to the curry - indigestion and constipation is normally the cause of faces like that. “Sakumo Hatake isn’t Fae.” Shows what Cousin Madara knows.

  Orochimaru protests, “He had a massive wolf! That’s not normal for humans.” What’s left unsaid is that it’s normal in the stories for Wild Hunt to have large predator companions. Like massive wolves. That thing was easily the size of a bear. Not a small bear either, like a bear on steroids. Some Princess Mononoke animal shit.

  Kagami agrees, “Definitely a Heavenly Dog.” To add more garlic or more soy? He leans over to proffer a spoon to Professor Senju - whatever he says, the opposite. Unless he says it’s fine in which case both, plus chilies. Kagami’s sure he saw a dried Ghost Pepper in the spice cupboard…

  “Fuzzy isn’t a Heavenly Dog.” the statement is bald and matter-of-fact, but what does Cousin Madara know? It’s amazingly clear Cousin Madara knows nothing. Then Cousin Madara stops to think, as if reviewing the conversation because something’s not adding up. “Why would you even think that the military was the Wild Hunt?”

  Kagami is too busy trying to wrestle the soy sauce bottle away from Professor Senju’s control, Fire God’s Flame he was strong, so Orochimaru answers instead. “Immortals are a thing. Who knows what else is out there?” He pauses to consider, then, “But since you know the white-haired Fae, please apologize for us about the screaming. And running. And the fire. There was a lot of fire.”  Oh look, Cousin Madara can look even more horrified. Kagami should take a picture for the databook.

    Kagami would like to contend neither he nor Orochimaru screamed shrilly like small children. They scream like terrified grown adults, thank you very much. Even if the response is confused whining and pained distress on the part of the wolf and a startled look on the Fae’s.

  Granted, Kagami’s automatic response is to punch the human-looking one in the face. It’s sloppy, and Kagami resolves to return to the dojo with Cousin Madara and Cousin Izuna because apparently just being in academia does not mean that he’s exempt from needing to throw punches.

  Though, since it lands and has the Fae stumble back in surprise, Kagami will take it. He feels the cold-prickle-shhhh-shiver of Orochimaru’s magic, and ducks on instinct. He’s not surprised when a blast of fire flies over him, or the yelp of both Fae creatures as they scramble away from the flame. Idly, Kagami notes it’s blue, but then he’s too busy running in the opposite direction to note much more.

  Neither he nor Orochimaru are concerned by stealth anymore; clearly the jig is up and was always up since, you know, Wild Hunt. There is but one choice, and only one: to go sprinting through the underbrush at top speed (or rather, at a fast stumble) and keep firing the most destructive magic they know at whomever crosses their path and dodging the magic sent their way, plus or minus Heavenly Dog. Heavenly Wolf. Whatever. It’s not like they need to worry about  permanently hurting anyone they come across, since one group is immortal and the other is … immortal. Huh. Tonight has been wild on the things Kagami thought he knew for a fact. Maybe he should have Orochimaru research immortality for his senior thesis….

  Orochimaru pulls them both into the boughs of a particularly ancient oak with a fancy twist of air magic, bringing them safely out of the reach of snapping wolf jaws. “We’re - ,” there’s a crackle of lightning and Kagami tackles Orochimaru flat to the wood as the bolt flies through where their heads had last been. “We’re not good, Four Almighty.”

  Orochimaru snarls as lightning strikes the tree proper and shakes it violently. “Kagami, hold still.” He startles then feels the distinct feel of cold-prickle-shhh-shiver and his headache alleviating. Ooooh, healing magic. Magic fingers.Kagami could sigh with relief.

  “When did you learn healing magic?”

  “One of my closest friends is a prodigy healer. Where do you think?” Right, pissed off Orochimaru is snarky. Must remember. Kagami isn’t going to complain, because his head feels clearer than after a 4 coffee morning and it’s a minor miracle. He opens his mouth, only to be cut off, “No I will not be doing this regularly. Deal with your caffeine addiction like a normal person.”  then Orochimaru launches into a complex series of hand seals and Kagami takes that as his cue to be cute and distracting.

  “Hey~, Mr. Wild Hunt. Are you looking for little old me?” He calls innocently into the shadowy forest. “Wolfy?” Kagami almost misses the nearly silent exhale Wolfy breathes next to his ear, but does manage to stick his hand in Wolfy’s mouth just in time to feel it so it all works out anyways. He never knew that such a massive, powerful animal could look so startled, but then again, Kagami is also technically a member of an apex predator species and he’s definitely surprised to find his hand in a mouth unexpectedly. They make awkward eye contact, and carefully Kagami extracts his hand from Wolfy’s mouth. “Let’s never speak of this again,” he intones solemnly, and he’d swear Wolfy agrees.

  The forest around them rings with the sound of spells and shouting, but the bubble around the two of them is uncomfortably silent. Kagami likes to think they’re each trying to figure out where to go from here, because what does one do after they stick their hand in someone else’s mouth without prior consent? Is there some protocol after removing one’s hand? He’s probably already missed his window to apologize, and now the situation is stuck.

  Kagami’s about to ask how Wolfy’s finding the weather when he’s saved by Hidan and Kazuku bursting through the tree-line in a flurry of scythe and magic, swiftly followed by the Wild Hunt wielding guns and military-grade spells. It takes some creative dodging of what looks like a particularly well-executed evisceration magic, ducking of a three bladed scythe, and fleeing-for-his-life-ing of bullets - which, huh, Wild Hunt must have gone modern, who would’ve thunk it - to get away. For a given value of “get away”, since he’s muddy, covered in leaf litter, being chased by a massive wolf (though, Wolfy seems to be playing with Kagami and trying to eat Hidan and/or Kazuku, and that’s a small comfort really), the Wild Hunt (also aiming to kill Hidan and/or Kazaku, whomever’s more open), and Hidan and Kazuku (one of whom is bellowing about sacrificing Kagami to Jashin-sama to free him from his irrational fear of death, and the other of whom is hissing about Kagami being necessary for getting the ransom). This is also discounting the various tree roots, rocks, and …other things Kagami bolts over. The less noted about those the better.

  He’s about to dart over a river-creek-moving body of water thing when he sees shapes surface from the middle of the river. Fire God’s Fury, weren’t Fae supposed to be unable to cross running water? Or was Kagami confusing them with the undead? In any case it didn’t matter, because Orochimaru finally finished his overly-complex set of hand seals and the world turned to smoke and ash and roaring flames as far as the eye could see.

  Not that it seems to bother the water Fae. Kagami flails and backtracks back towards the chaos of the pursuing vanguard since he has no burning desire to experience the hospitality of the Fae now or ever. Running for so long has left him a little winded, but hey, there’s nothing like getting in a bit of adrenaline-fueled cardio in the afternoon. Plus the leaping, evading, sending spells blasting off in every which direction, and avoiding the general mayhem is easier said than done, even if the Wild Hunt are doing their level best not to hit him. Or hit Wolfy, who’s been following him like a cat playing with a mouse, and Kagami feels especially hunted - Wolfy seems to be herding him, but that can’t be right because wolves are not sheepdogs. Really, all the near-misses of nipping and circling is unnecessary. Can’t he just run for his life in peace? Is that too much to ask?

  Apparently so, because he’s just ducked Hidan’s electrically-sparking scythe - no clue if that’s because it’s actually electric or simply electrically-conductive - and managed to stumble his way out of the firefight with minimal physical damage. His magic pools are running low- he’s not a monster like Cousin Madara or Professor Senju - but that’s okay because that will fix itself with enough time and rest. And then he rests his eyes on what is possibly the most horrific sight today. This time his shriek is shrill. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

  Orochimaru perks up from where he’s pinning a very twitchy white-haired Fae to the trunk of a tree. “Oh good, you’re here.”  Still, he makes no move to release the Fae and Kagami curses whatever God decided that he needed a Minion like this.

  The Fae makes desperate eye contact while trying to maintain the maximum amount of distance between himself and Orochimaru, “Please get him off of me.” That was clearly begging. An extremely powerful Fae is begging.

  “But I haven’t finished seducing you.” Orochimaru purrs. Even worse then Kagami initially suspected. Wolfy begins to sidle away with a confused whine but stops and whines even harder, ears flat, clearly conflicted. Kagami is similarly conflicted, since on the one hand, this is horrifying beyond all reason and is completely inappropriate, yet on the other hand he wants to claw his eyes out and unsee this scene with prejudice. Unfortunately, there is only one correct answer.

  “Four Almighty, this is sexual harassment. This is so much sexual harassment.” Kagami fists his hand in Orochimaru’s collar and pulls him off the Fae. “I’m so sorry about this, I promise he was raised better than this.” Then to Orochimaru as Kagami shakes him, “What in the Twelve Hells possessed you to think that was okay?” The Fae looks traumatized - Kagami hadn’t known you could traumatize ageless beings who hunted people down in various gruesome ways for fun; he really hoped there wouldn’t be a complaint lodged with HR at the University. Given his luck, there would be.

  Orochimaru looks unrepentant, “But it worked! It bought just enough time for you to come without him messing with the seal.”

  “That doesn’t make it better!” Then Orochimaru’s response processes, and then Kagami has to double check that he heard that correctly. Suspicion colors his tone, “What seal.” It does not escape his notice that the Fae and Wolfy are sidestepping away as if they’re both insane and liable to go bonkers at any moment. He can’t decide if that’s good or bad - on the one hand, they’re too insane for the Wild Hunt, on the other, they’re too insane for the Wild Hunt. Kagami clearly needs to rethink his life choices.

  Orochimaru beams, “This one!” Then there’s a massive burst of magic and the world turns into a whirling light tunnel.

    “There are so many things I want to say, I have no idea where to begin.” There is a distinct air of resignation to Professor Senju’s tone, and Cousin Madara preemptively left 15 minutes ago to get medicines to combat both of their growing headaches. “The idea that you’d encountered Fae, the fact you ran from the military - and incidentally caused an International Incident, by the by, it was on the news- of not one, but two different countries, the fact you,” He glares over his steepled fingers at Orochimaru, “thought sexual harassment was a viable path for a distraction, or that you used a seal for travel.”

  “It worked!” Orochimaru throws his hands up in defeat, then stalks out of the kitchen. His snake remains curled happily on top of the still warm rice cooker, flicking it’s tongue out at intervals.

  Kagami exchanges a Look with Professor Senju, before saying, “The department is doing a refresher course on sexual harassment in a week, I already signed him up.” He has a spoon whirl between the oil poaching eggs cooking sous vide to make sure they’re not sticking together, then fishes out the seaweed from the drawer. “And in all fairness, the seal did transport us elsewhere. Just not where we expected to go.” He tastes the rice, before adding a dash of sugar. “What’s this about the news?”

  Professor Senju just groans.

  The seal has some of its intended effect in that they’re transported from point A through space to point B. Though given that Point B ends up being smack into a tree several hundred feet above ground, it’s a mixed bag.

  The nausea it causes isn’t ideal either. But hey! It worked! They’re not dead or lost to the space-time continuum! This is a win for Experimental and Theoretical Magic! With a little tweaking it’d be fine!

  “Where were you aiming for?” Kagami asks in between retching. It’s a small comfort that Orochimaru is also retching and green.

  “I was supposed to aim?”  Right Orochimaru is no longer allowed to transport them anywhere.

  “You didn’t pay attention in the lab meeting regarding the Teleportation seal?” If Kagami weren’t already alarmed he would be now. The lab meeting had only been preliminary, after all, and had only reviewed the basics of a Teleportation seal, or rather what remnants had been found and pieced together from ancient sealing treatises. That seal hadn’t been complete, and yet apparently Orochimaru tried to use it.

  “I usually tune out the lab meetings.” And that explains a lot. Kagami knew Orochimaru couldn’t be taking such detailed notes, the slippery little worm.

  Kagami really can’t wrap his brains around the fact Orochimaru used an unknown seal on live human subjects. “You could have killed us.” An unfinished seal, was a surefire way to die.Not to mention entirely unethical. Was this actually one of the Twelve Hells and Kagami just didn’t know? It might be, since everything due … left  is scrub. Were any of the Twelve Hells scrub land?

  Orochimaru winces as he twists onto his back. “I doubt I could get it to work again - Idon’t have enough magic left to try it again, and a few magic pathways ruptured in trying to get the seal to function.” Kagami winces at that proclamation. The only one of the two of them who had any clue how to do basic first aid was the one who was injured, with ruptured magic pathways, and Kagami has no clue where they are. It’s nearly nighttime, though, and Kagami has been forced through enough wilderness survival training camps/simulations/exercises by his relatives to be competent at navigating them via the stars.

  He fishes through the pack that’s miraculously stayed with them, mostly intact. “Here, have a sandwich and water. It should help some. Slowly.” It would go a long way to dealing with magic replenishment, but not if it was just vomited back up again. Rule One and all that. He digs around some more and finds a bag of candy. Oh good, ginger flavored - great of anti-nausea. “Suck on this too.” Kagami popped a piece himself, for the ginger and the sugar content. Neither of them had eaten since breakfast, and it shows by the way his stomach growls. If he’s hungry then Orochimaru must be as well. Kagami takes a moment to peer over the edge of the branch they landed on.

  It’s not too far down to the ground, not if he uses a few well placed bursts of air to slow his descent into something more manageable. There look to be some edible berries, and since Kagami has no clear idea of how long it will take them to get back to some form of civilization, it’d be best to gather some and save the snacks they had brought for if they ran out of edible foods. The act taxes his magic pools, but not noticeably enough given his magic’s already depleted state. At least he’s not completely exhausted like Kagami suspects Orochimaru is, no matter that the teen is trying to play it off like he’s got something left. Orochimaru isn’t finished growing, and so long as his body is in flux, so are his magic pools. They’ll even out eventually, and probably into the upper end of the spectrum, but for now they’re still developing.

  There’s a glut of blackberries, but Kagami avoids them. Fae fruit are suspect, and he doesn’t need another set of Fae on their case at the moment. He whispers an old rhyme to appease them anyways, because who even knew what rules ruled interactions the Fair Folk anymore if they were going around with guns - gunmetal had iron in it, right? A few meters away he finds a large strawberry bush, the berries brilliant red and ripe. Good fortune, which Four know they need more of. He fills his two handkerchiefs, and the already emptied sandwich container before eating his own fill of the berries. He knows they’re a stopgap measure at best - the terrain is rugged, and there probably isn’t much by way of travel options beyond “on foot”. With that in mind he pulls up some dandelion greens, and nettle greens nestled in among the branches of the strawberry bush and eats a handful. Mmmm iron.

  It’s only when he hears the low telltale hiss of an agitated snake does Kagami freeze. He knew he was forgetting something important; strawberry bushes attract snakes. Okay, that’s not necessarily true, but for all intents and purposes of this situation, Kagami is going to simplify into ‘strawberry bushes attract snakes’. Damnation of sulphur and ash.

  “Hello little one.” And now Orochimaru is involved. Professor Senju and Hiruzen would gang up and kill him dead, reanimate him, then kill him dead again if their precious prodigy is even slightly injured; Kagami is afraid to think of what would occur if Orochimaru dies out here. “And what’s your name?” He’s cooing at a snake. A - Kagami checks the shape of the purple reptile’s head - probably venomous species of snake. Fire God’s flaming balls.

  Kagami eyes where Orochimaru is petting the wild snake, then at the dandelion greens. He’s absolutely sure those are dandelion greens and not hallucinogenic, but he hasn’t been bitten by a snake - and snake species native to Hi no Kuni  don’t have venom that cause hallucinations. His eyes drift skyward, only to be met by twilight still. So either he’s hallucinating realistically, or this is reality. Kagami will take the hallucination, thank you very much.

  Orochimaru and the purple snake stare at Kagami judgmentally, which isn’t fair because hallucination snakes don’t get to be judgemental. “Why not?” And the snake speaks. Thanks brain.

“It’s not the little one, Kagami.” It knows his name. It knows his name. What. How. Why. Even Orochimaru looks surprised, so win for hallucination.

  “Kagami.” That’s an alerting-warning tone if Kagami ever heard one, and he turns to look behind him, where Orochimaru’s eyes are fixed.

  He makes eye contact with a massive black snake, one who’s easily as thick around as a tree trunk and could easily fit Kagami in it’s mouth if it chose to. And now it’s laughing. Why is it laughing. Kagami wasn’t built to deal with hallucination snakes laughing at him. Can he quit this adventure in favor of fleeing back to the University and Professor Senju’s lab? It was safe there, or at least it lacked hallucinogenic agents that weren’t properly labeled with warnings.

  “Greetings, Honored One. This one calls himself Orochimaru, and this one Kagami. May we be honored with what you are called?” Pros of Orochimaru and his obsessive compulsive need to know everything- he’s got a surprisingly good grasp of the classic tales.

  “This one is called Kuroda. The little one is called Manda. And I know your names human.” The tone is amused, and has an odd double timbre to it that echoes around Kagami’s skull, all the way back to the very recesses of his lizard-hindbrain.

  It clicks faster for Kagami than Orochimaru, feat of feats. “You’re a telepathic Celestial Snake.”

  “Indeed. You’re much faster on the uptake than most humans.” The last bit is tinged with idle curiosity-noted-respect. “You must have been well taught as a child. Rare these days.”

  With good reason, because Celestial Snakes are currently thought to be tiny (comparatively to the massive snake in front of them) tree dwelling snakes in the coastal forests of Uzu no Kuni and a tiny part of Hi no Kuni that ate birds and other small creatures and prized for their rainbow scales. The whole telepathic and massive thing was supposed to be just legend; then again, Kagami’s met not one, but two, count ‘em two Immortals and more Fae than he can count  in the last 24 hours so this doesn’t surprise him at all. Not even the slightest bit.

  “Honored Kuroda, can we request your assistance? We are far from home and would like to go back.”

  Kuroda raises himself up to squint down at Orochimaru, who is standing tall and composed before the Celestial Snake. “You are strange little human. Your soul is something cold, yet warm, deadly and safe to those you love, a thing that squeezes tight and sinks it’s fangs in deep and does not let go. A snake-souled little human if there ever was one.”

  “I am honored by your words, Honored Kuroda of the Celestial Snakes.” Orochimaru bows neatly.

  Kuroda continues as if Orochimaru had not spoken at all. “I think I shall have Manda stay with you to see what you become, snake-souled Orochimaru. He knows the way back to human civilization, and will lead you there. Travel well, little humans.” Kuroda must have deemed the conversation over, because he turned his huge body around the tree and disappeared into the encroaching twilight.

  “You thought you hallucinated a snake.” Cousin Madara paused where he was shaking out pills from the bottle that proclaimed it to be ‘migraine strength!’ anti-headache medicine, then shook out two more apiece for himself and Professor Senju. Awwww, significant others taking care of each other. Reminds Kagami of his parents being lovey-dovey and taking care of one another.

  “A massive Celestial Snake, yes.” He pauses in forming the rice ball, neatly packaging it in a strip of seaweed, before plating it before Orochimaru. A smaller rice ball with more egg and less curry is placed in front of Manda. “I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t a hallucination though.”

  Orochimaru strokes Manda’s head, offended. “But Manda is real and took us to Yu no Kuni.”

  “And how. I never heard Manda speak. For all I know he’s a normal snake.” Manda bares his fangs in an obvious threat display, affronted. Probably. In any case, Kagami gives him another rice ball.

  Orochimaru rolls his eyes, “Kagami, he’s telepathic. He was talking to me the whole way. How else did we find that multi-terrain vehicle?”

  “Luck? I had strawberries!”

  Cousin Madara swipes some rice balls, and gives half to Professor Senju before digging in. “So what’s this about Yu no Kuni, and would it have anything to do with why half of its hot springs district is demolished.”

  Kagami and Orochimaru share a Look. “The Hot Springs Destruction was entirely the fault of the Wild Hunt and the Yu no Kuni military. We just happened to be there.”

    By dint of winning rock-paper-scissors, Orochimaru gets to drive when they stumble across the jeep. Or Manda leads them to the jeep. Whichever makes the most sense, since Kagami hasn’t heard a peep from the supposedly asshole snake. Kagami takes a minute to demonstrate how to hotwire the car, but after that it’s all Orochimaru. It’s not like anyone’s around to call them out on the fact that Orochimaru doesn’t have a learner’s permit, and there’s no one around to crash into or injure, both important when teaching a beginner driver. This is a proper, normal learning experience and Kagami is willing to let his Minion have it. Plus, it’s nighttime and this can count as his nighttime driving experience! It’s a three-for-one!

  It’s also easier to navigate when he can stick his head out the roof and call out directions instead of having to keep pausing and rechecking directions. Though the point of that is rendered moot by Manda who is supposedly telling Orochimaru what to do - Kagami hasn’t heard a word out of the snake. At least so far, though, he and the snake are in agreement - they’re in western Hi no Kuni and headed to Yu no Kuni because that’s the closest site of civilization. Also, least likely to be suspicious of their lack of passports and the easiest way to reorient themselves into the direction of the University.

  On top of it all, Kagami found a massive wad of cash in the glove compartment, and it’s more than enough for a swanky inn for the night, including baths, and dinner. He knows he has enough grime, leaf litter, and other associated muck on him that a bath would be glorious.

  The moon and stars are bright and  light their path, so they make good time. It’s a little past 1 am (according to the probably wrong car clock) when they finally pull into the hot springs district of Yu no Kuni. The town is still bustling with activity, so they blend in seamlessly, for a given value of seamless. Some people look at him scandalized, as if he’s done something terribly illegal by tromping through the town disheveled and dragging his younger companion (also bedraggled) behind him, but it’s usually people who look like tourists rather than residents of the town.

  First things first, though. Kagami leads the way into a small clothing shop, since he’s fairly sure neither of their outfits can be salvaged. They’re going to need a first aid kit too, and then a hot meal and a bath. Actions one and two are completed quickly, and so is checking into a nice looking inn. The innkeep directs them to the baths,  saying dinner will be delivered after they’ve had their fill of the mineral rich waters. “Ahhhh, there’s nothing like a bath,” Kagami sighs happily as he pushes open the door between the dressing room and the baths proper, towel tucked neatly around his hips. He cleans off dutifully at the provided showers and stools, scrubbing away the accumulated grime and dirt from his hair and skin, humming happily. It was such an underrated luxury, to be clean. Orochimaru, with his long hair, will take longer and Kagami leaves him to it.

  The baths are sparsely populated at this time, with only a handful of other patrons lounging in the bath. The steam rising from the water occludes their faces, giving a nice hint of privacy, and Kagami gratefully slips into the hot water. The sounds of the night are muted, the laughter and noise of the crowd still on the streets dulled by the high walls surrounding the baths, the only discernable noise is … giggling? Kagami tries to tune it out, return to relaxing and letting the stress of the past day flow out of him, but the giggle rises in volume, and sounds…. Close?

  His eyes fly open -who the fuck giggles late at night like a perverted child flipping through a skin mag when sane people are trying to relax? - and Kagami whirls to confront the hooligan, temper snapping. “Oi, knock it off, or by the Small Lords I’ll make you.”

  His eyes meet Jiraiya’s startled (and guilty?) ones, then move to the notebook Jiraiya’s clearly been scribbling in, then the hole in the partition between the men’s and women’s baths. “Are you  peeping?!” It’s just Kagami’s luck that the quiet murmurs around them fall silent just as he speaks. In the blink of a moment there’s chaos, screams of outrage and terror filling the space. Someone on the women’s side - someone with spectacular aim - lobs over a stool, then a tub, then a rock, and each misses Jiraiya by centimeters as he scrambles out of the space.

  Orochimaru sighs from where he was just slipping into the bath. “By the Four and the Heavenly Courts, Jiraiya.” He gets up and rewraps his towel, disappearing into the misty after his erstwhile friend. Kagami decides it might be best to leave the area, since he knows that look on his Minion. Someone’s going to be eviscerated, and it’s still a 50-50 split on if it’s going to be verbal or physical. Getting viscera in his hair right after he just got clean is not a pleasant thought.

  A massive stone splashes violently into the bath from across the barrier - someone on that side must have a terrifying temper - tossing Kagami about like a toy boat caught in the currents of the Nanako.  He headbutts straight into a well developed pectoral, and he’s about to apologize, but - “Hey I know that bicep!” Just to be sure though he feels it up, and yup, he’s encountered that particular bicep before. Now, just where -?

  That particular question is answered quickly when Kagami ends up pinned by the throat to the side of the bath. “Oi! Heathen, ready to be sacrificed the Jashin-sama?” Oh good. Immortal One, Hidan. And where one immortal is, there’s bound to be - ayup, Immortal Two, Kazuku. They both look terrible, a mess of stitched over wounds, bruises, scabbed over cuts and burns plus or minus what look like bullet holes.

  There is only one recourse and that is to scream. Screaming in bath houses drew attention, and not of the good kind, and for good reason. No one wanted a pervert preying on someone in a bath. Hidan drops Kagami like he’s hotter than burning and starts quickly paddling away, but not quickly enough. One of the men at the other end stands, “Hey you! What were you doing?!” He’s built like a brick shithouse and is coming this way like a bull rampaging.

  Kagami takes the quickly escalating altercation as an opportunity to go fishing around his toiletries tub, thanking whatever God is looking out for him that he stuck a few disintegration seals in there prophylactically. He’s just about to pick one out from the bottom when he hears Kazuku loom up behind him. “We meet again Kagami Uchiha.”

  Sweet Flame of Heaven, could that man be any more menacing? Kagami turns rigidly, hoping that the Immortal won’t notice the crumpled wad of sealing paper in his fist, “Ah-hahaha, fancy meeting you here Kazuku! Are you enjoying your soak?”  Please please let societal conventions trap him like it had Hidan.

  Kazuku’s face veil hides any visible reaction beyond the narrowing of his eyes. “Better having found our missing ransom prisoner. I’m afraid I must insist you return.” Kazuku clamps a hand on Kagami’s shoulder, fingers digging in painfully. “We’re awaiting quite a sum of money in exchange for you. Pity no one specified ‘living’, though.” And there came the creep-factor. A+ Mr. Immortal.

  Kagami pretends to mull it over as he rises to his feet. “Just out of curiosity, how much am I worth?”

  Kazuku’s taken aback. “What?”

  “How much am I worth? Like, how much money are you expecting to get for me? I’m not a prodigy like my Minion, I’m not famous or rich, and I’m not paid all that much so I’m not someone with a massive net worth or anything. I can’t imagine anyone I know having the money to pay a ransom, except Minion and he probably wouldn’t because I’m pretty sure he’s not all too fond of me and is probably lulling me into a false sense of security so that when he finally decides that I’m of some specific use, he can play up the ‘favorite Minion’ angle and get away with whatever he needs, probably something entirely unethical, immoral, and/or illegal. It’s a toss up at this point. Either that or he thinks I’m a hilarious bumbling fool and is humoring me for comedic effect. In any case, he wouldn’t pay a ryo for me; nor would Uncle Setsuna cause he’s an asshole. All in all, I’m really not sure that you could’ve asked for all that much money, so I have to ask, how much am I worth? And is all the hassle of kidnapping me really worth the pittance you’re going to get?” Kagami hopes his nervous sweat is taken instead to be water from the bath. He’s only got one shot at this, and keeping Kazuku on the back foot with his anxious babble is imperative.

  “Aah- that is- Um, how should I say -,” Kazuku is frantically trying to think up something complimentary, and Kagami moves. The seal slaps down onto wet skin and adheres as Kagami forces magic through. Black veins scrawl out like a spiderweb of death over Kazuku’s silent scream of pain until they’ve covered the entirety of Kazuku in ink, and then with a underwhelming puff disintegrated into dust.

  Kagami sets fire to the ashes just in case - Immortals. One more thing to add to the list of traumatic incidences of the week, but on the bright side he’s got another functioning seal to patent. This one is all his, too!

  He trots towards the exit, hoping that Muscles McMuscley over there can keep Hidan occupied, but has no such luck when Hidan gets thrown across his path into the decorative stone wall. Experimental and Theoretical Magic holds that any result could be due to random chance, so repeated testing is necessary. Kagami looks at his spare seals, and goes for broke with a shrug. He’s already offed one person today, might as well  go for broke and collect the set. Hidan puffs off without so much as a farewell, and Kagami immolates his ashes too. For symmetry, and poetic justice. Unfortunately, it does nothing to fix the damage caused to the bath from the violent response to Jiraiya peeping, but Kagami is not responsible for that in any way shape or form. Things are looking up, finally.

  Almost immediately he has to reverse that opinion. The white-haired Fae is trapped in the entrance, Wolfy-less, by Orochimaru and Manda. The poor man - Kagami hopes the Fae is male, but really doesn’t want to go ask about gender and pronouns of the Fae since it’s really not his area of study - looks like he’s been through the wringer and then some, but also like he’s humoring Orochimaru who’s looking interested in all the worst ways; Kagami has to sympathize. A swift kick to Orochimaru’s butt fixes the situation nicely. “Minion! No sexual harassment in the the baths!”

  “Ah, no it’s fine, really we just bumped into one another -,” The Fae cuts himself off, then quickly does a double take at Orochimaru, then Kagami. “You’re the pair from the forest.”

  “And you’re Wild Hunt.” Kagami hurriedly ducks into the pants and shirt he’d laid out. “How’s Wolfy? I know things are still awkward about the whole ‘mouth’ thing, but can you apologize for me? Wolfy was pretty cool when he wasn’t trying to eat me.”

  “Wild Hunt? What mouth thing?” The Fae is perplexed, but shakes himself from it quickly. “Never mind that, you’re both wanted by the military. Stop!”

  “Oh, would you look at the time. We’ve got things to do, place to be, we should catch up some other time! See ya!” Kagami flashes the Fae a peace sign, then exits the room. He’s halfway down the hall when he hears the thunder of many feet pounding across the wooden floors behind him. Kagami bolts out back onto the streets, which are still crowded, and ducks around groups carousing drunkenly in the streets. Thank the Four for tourist destinations, this would never work anywhere else.

  He sees Orochimaru and Manda slip into the mouth of an alley, and follows. Just in time, as the mass of (uniformed! Since when do they have uniforms?!) people dash past. Some straggle behind, flashing badges and questioning drunks in the street. Orochimaru peers out, then starts digging through the pack. “Here, I think I can wrangle a disguise together, but you’re not going to like it.” Manda peeks out from where he’s acting like a hair tie for Orochimaru’s impromptu ponytail.

  Kagami stares at the assorted items Orochimaru has pulled out, and has a sinking feeling.

    “Does this explain the … outfits?” Cousin Madara asks around a bite of ice cream.

  Kagami has to take offense, because they look great. Arresting even. “ You’re just angry you can’t pull something like this off.”

  Orochimaru lays back and kicks a leg out like a pinup girl, crossed at the knee and everything, like it’s Exhibit A in their defense. Manda hisses, but Manda is biased and can be bought with egg yolk treats, so it might just be him begging for more food. Kagami obliges him either way.

  “This still doesn’t explain the destruction of the hot springs.” Professor Senju prompts around a spoonful of coffee ice cream.

  “The clothing - is- was rather integral to that. Still not our fault though, for want of us not doing much magic flinging.”Orochimaru shrugs.

  “That’s not no magic flinging.”

  “In all fairness, we only had one spell. Is that ‘no magic flinging’? No. But is it ‘town decimation level magic flinging’? Also no.” Cousin Madara opens his mouth, and Kagami slams on the coffee table, “THERE’S NO EVIDENCE BEYOND THE ANECDOTAL YOU CANNOT CONVICT US.”

    “Why did you even buy this stuff?” Kagami would like to lodge a protest with whatever court will take it that he is only doing this under duress. Not that he thinks it’s wrong to crossdress, if that’s your thing - and dresses are really comfortable, even though this one is kinda clingy and short-  but walking in heels. He is only wearing heels under extreme duress.

  “Here, heat the stick bit of this earring.” Orochimaru hands him a pair of dangly earrings. Kagami eyes them, then Orochimaru’s unpierced ears.

  “Minion no.”

  “I’ve wanted pierced ears anyways. Think of it as teenage rebellion.” Putting it that way helps, especially the bit where Orochimaru has him shove hot metal through his ears. Kagami considers the studs left in the pack of earrings, but ultimately decides against it for want of a mirror and stability. Seriously, he’s standing still and wobbling like a newborn fawn.

  Orochimaru pauses from where he’s sweeping on dramatic purple eyeshadow, lone bracelet sliding down his forearm, “Give me a minute, then we’ll sneak out.”

  “Remember, the game plan is drunk. Just until we get to the outskirts of town.” He once overs their appearance in a puddle, then has the hike the top of his dress higher. The lack of straps wasn’t doing him any favors, especially given the fact that raising the top meant raising the hem, and there was no way to make it non-scandalous. He looks at Orochimaru’s much more conservative dress, with it’s sleeves and leggings, and calls shenanigans. “This was rigged, wasn’t it.”

  Orochimaru links their arms at the elbow, then sniffs, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” before they stumble out into the street. The soldiers give them a wide berth since two underage looking drunk girls is a recipe for a career ending headline should someone snap a badly staged photo, and Kagami gets a good look at their badges when he stumbles into one of the younger looking ones. Who knew Yu no Kuni had an active offensive military - last time he checked, they supposedly only had a defensive branch.

  All things considered though, the disguises work well. Entirely too well, as they stumble “drunkenly” into the woods. It’s nearing dawn, and they’ve been traveling across the Elemental Nations for almost a full day, they’re Four knows how far from home, and there are crows. Too many moving to count, though Kagami does try, because that old rhyme hasn’t steered him wrong yet. Orochimaru starts poking at some half moss covered rock, then starts digging.

  He stops counting when he feels a rush of magic - the size and quantity that makes people nervous when it’s not in a controlled environment. “Minion - “

  Then he sees the dog. Wolf. Massive Canis Whateverus. “Fire God’s flames.”

  Orochimaru looks proud, “The control seal works. Guess you have something to patent and sell for a lot of money to the military after all.” What. Right. What they set out to do. That thing. Somehow it feels tawdry, like it pales in comparison to the journey, but considering that had immortals and Fae and shooting and massive telepathic hallucination snakes and sky high heels… maybe it’s because it’s anticlimactic? Now whatever life lesson about messing with the forces of life and death, and the role of humans in the vastness of the cosmos, trying to take the easy way out, the value of thinking before acting - whatever he was supposed to be learning and internalizing - has become moot. He would have been successful even if they hadn’t been caught in the original graveyard, only with less property damage and displacement. Does that fact mean anything? Is it the journey, not the result that’s ultimately worth something, something better than financial stability and security? “Kagami, now is not the time for a meditative trance.”

  “What? Oh. Right.” Kagami scrambles up behind Orochimaru on the back of the … let’s just call it a dog. “Time to head home?”

  “Time to head home.” Poor Manda yawns and uncircles himself before draping himself like a particularly scaled scarf around Orochimaru’s shoulders. The eyeshadow - sharp like winged eyeliner, or whatever Cousin Mikoto likes to proclaim - and Manda match, for a given value of all purples match, and Kagami is struck by a wandering thought.

  “Hey, Orochimaru - “

  “Kagami. Duck.”

  “What duck?” Kagami whirls about on the gently trotting Reanimated dog. Then he sees. “Oh.” And promptly ducks.

  The flaming boulder is large, surprisingly so for Yu no Kuni, which according to legend (and famously) repurposed all its rocks for bathhouses. It still misses by a wide enough margin to be called a warning shot, though, which is a consternation best left for another time since the dog freaks out. It bounds into the town, leaping over buildings and landing neatly in streets as waves of magic buffet them - first an earthquake hemming them in on one side, a wall of fire bearing down on them from due north, a gust of hurricane force gales from above, and Kagami is just waiting for the tsunami of water as he hangs onto the patchy fur of their ride as it bounces around in what might generously be called evasive maneuvers. He tries not to think about the mass destruction such massive spellworks must be leaving, or that he’s still too low on magic to do anything about it. Also, considering that even a most basic shielding spell needs at least two other people (besides himself), he’s still up a creek about stopping the military from wrecking up their people and country’s main source of income. Kagami hopes they have good insurance.

  He stops caring for things outside his gastrointestinal tract around the time they smash a tank - which is painted a completely different design than the Yu no Kuni uniforms, so it might a completely different group, fun - ,though, since he’d rather not given his minion blackmail leverage from puking all over him. Also Manda is in the way, probably would take offense at getting human digestion peristalsis’d all over him, and is still probably highly venomous besides. Kagami decides that focusing on breathing would probably be best and leaves the heavy duty stuff to Orochimaru. It’ll probably be more appreciated long term.

  Maybe he should invest in an anti-motion sickness charm - it might be useful to have on hand, especially given recent events. “Oh, for the Air God’s sake,” Kagami vaguely makes out Orochimaru grumbling caustically, then his world goes black.

    “In all fairness, you were projecting quite loudly according to Manda, and making you go to sleep saved us all the hassle of having to clean up vomit.” Orochimaru shrugs unrepentantly, “I’m not sure why you’re complaining, we got back to the University in one piece.”

  “Doesn’t mean you couldn’t have asked. Also, there is no way you had enough magic to pull off the Reanimation, power the control seal, and knock me out.”

  Professor Senju sighs, resigned, “Not if his current research project is magic storage in crystalline structures.” Orochimaru waves regally, showing off the stone bead bracelet he had pulled on around the time of their outfit change.

  Kagami has never felt more betrayed in his life. “You are an awful awful person and I hope you get caught in shady business and end up in the weirdest situation you could ever hope to imagine,” he informs Orochimaru candidly. “And when that transpires, I will laugh in your face.”

  Cousin Madara takes a hard swig of the brandy bottle Professor Senju had unearthed. “So this is how you ended up on the run from international law enforcement, the military of Hi no Kuni, and the military of Yu no Kuni. Yet you came here why?”

  “Oh that’s easy. We need an alibi. And to patent the seals. Uh, plus we may have broken into the Registrar’s office.”

    Omake:

  “So, who all bet against Tsunade’s bet?” The show of hands was depressing. No one would have any reason to suspect that the regular goings on of a Friday night would make international headlines, much less cause International Incidents.

  Hikaku read the bet slip.‘There will be wild adventures by persons in this pool that cause an international incident tonight.’ Innocuously phrased, yet almost prophetic.

  “All in favor of banning Tsunade Senju or any proxies from betting in any future pools, raise your hand?” The show of hands was unanimous.

[sheroars95]

The best way I can explain it is imagine being in an emergency, like someone's following you down a dark street at night, but you don't have any access to a phone, police, help, anyone to help or stop it, and the emergency has activated a flight or fight mode, certain receptors are releasing stress hormones and coping hormones and it’s “MAYDAY! MAYDAY!” in your head during this DISASTER and your ability to ironically get out of it which is the goal of your brain putting you in JUST SURVIVE THIS mode, is compromised because in a disaster, your body tenses up, you can’t think straight and you just, as mentioned, FIGHT or FLIGHT while feeling extreme peril and hope your clouded, loud and debilitating mind doesn’t land you into a deadly situation..The DISASTER feeling non-anxious folks have during very rare moments of disaster, is an ALL THE TIME feeling, no-exaggerating for anxious people.That’s why so many of us say even getting out of the house is a huge accomplishment. Non-anxious folks, when feeling anxiety for a few minutes or hours once every blue moon during a crisis can’t overcome it, don’t know how to function with it and need help and usually get it. We went through that, and the fear never went away so we learned to function despite that crisis mode. Imagine writing an exam with the same feeling you’d have as if you witnessed a murder. Imagine making small-talk, finding somebody to be with, maintain any sort of a life? To function in an emergency state is hard, but if that emergency state is permanent as in the case of an anxiety disorder, some of us have no choice and some of us make permanent solutions that show everybody else just how hard life can be with anxiety and little compassion for it from society or even those closest to us. So if you don’t have an anxiety disorder and think back to when you had a crisis and how scatter-brained and not yourself you were until a solution was found, and you barely handled the maximum couple days of excruciating stress you had, imagine how much strength anxious people have for not only handling A LIFETIME or since-trauma of time until death of THAT EXACT DEAFENING CRIPPLING FEAR feeling. There isn’t a situation to be fixed, situational anxiety is human: and that may be the worst part. Imagine in that mindset, doing anything let alone getting an education, having friends, having a relationship: basic life expectations are milestones for the anxious because, as mentioned, to be above ‘just making it through the terror’ is defying physical, chemical wiring saying ‘no, you will hide or run and not advance in life’ with actions, because anxiety tells us how to feel and if we can’t act opposite to how we feel, it would take us under.Achieving things is hard when you’re just focusing on surviving today and not killing yourself over the limitations anxiety has on your life which depress you: just fucking stop hating on anxious people for 'just not getting a job,'  'being inside all day' ,'being lazy':imagine if during a crisis you were asked to socialize? Enroll in classes? Work from morning to night? You wouldn’t be able to at all if anxiety hadn’t become a frenemy you learned to eventually live with. So when an anxious person AVOIDS triggers, because we can never fully have assurance as our anxiety is not situational which would be fixed with a solution, or a crisis-state which ends with eventual relief, we can experience less anxiety, but it never goes away. If not socializing until we are able to helps us handle life, at least we are not driving ourselves insane and ruining our lives pushing ourselves to do that which OUR DISORDERS DO NOT ALLOW. If we have to plan our lives around avoiding panic attacks because anxiety is inevitable, and our brain chemistries or PTSD, other disorders have to be accomodated like any other illness, who the fuck are you unless you have this to deal with, to judge? If you were a diabetic not scheduling your life, plans, choices around what you can and cannot do because of it, you’d probably end up really doing some damage. So yes, we also wish hanging out with us was more fun and we could just ‘stop being anxious’ or depressed for a bit so you could have a good time, or so we could enjoy our own damn lives but it does not work that way. WE SUFFER ALL THE TIME how non-anxious people have experienced rarely and were given all the comfort in the world to recover from it swiftly and keep leading normal lives.Lucky bastards!

Anxiety feels how non-anxiety disordered people do when they're nervous (first dates, interviews, rollercoasters, first day of school, driving for the first time) but non-stop, always. Try thinking and planning your life, making good choices, even talking, if you felt like you were about to miss the only bus coming in 5 hours and had to run to it- you can't talk to anyone, get out your phone, take a break- you're just trying to make it through and settle that fear by conquering it. Thing is, anxiety is a disorder, there is not a situational reason, but a chemical response luckily non-disordered people don't have triggered all the time and it is diagnosed as a disorder, not exagerrated as 'nervousness' because it affects social, personal, professional and all aspects of a person's life negatively. So please understand if your anxious friend doesn't keep plans, goes away for a while, any of that, they're doing their best and fuck, I have seen many good people lose their lives because living with this supposedly common and 'not a big deal' mental illness is too underexaggerated in terms of pain, and it's one of those things you suffer alone. The depression resulting from the isolating nature of an anxiety disorder is the worst and I don't care if you're ignorant enough to believe every human's experience of depression and anxiety at some points is what having an actual disorder is like, but I've read too many obituaries of my fucking friends because of exactly that.I had someone taking Psychology who used to be my best friend tell me my depression was 'too negative' for her when I was having an incredibly hard time. With anxiety you can't really ask for help unless something bad, which is exactly what we're anxious about happening, happens, otherwise it's like "hello friend? i have an anxiety disorder and am anxious can you please be there for me as you would always have to be because I will always be anxious?" and eventually you realize you're a burden, no one wants to hear how hard life is for you and you lose the desire to share any of your experiences, because they're all bad,lmao.Basically, if you don't get a mental illness or disease that the DSM-IV classifies as such and people who have medical degrees can diagnose, it is not 'a trend', too common to be serious and respect it as any illness and educate yourself about how to not worsen the symptoms in those who have it because one day you might witness something unforgettable that makes the world turns bright and crack into other experiences you may have had before , which felt just as horrible, and the PTSD nightmares will have you waking up in cold sweats and during the dy you'll be checking behind you, making sure that it won't happen again and everything will seem like a trigger letting you know IT WILL HAPPEN again and when you experience anxiety, which is common because TRAUMAS CAUSE ANXIETY even in non-anxious-disordered people....that's what happened to me...you will have the sympathy and love of people who can help you because you were kind to their anxiety and they can save you through yours. It's like a little community where we hate everyone else but find out you feel that way too? Come here nugget! You know? So just know that's what it's like and anyone can get it-it's the mental cancer we treat like a trend instead of an epidemic which is fuckkkked.. TAKE ANXIETY SERIOUSLY PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES OVER IT OR SOMETIMES IT LEADS TO WORSE MENTAL STATES AND PEOPLE DO EVER WORSE THINGS SO TAKE IT FUCKING SERIOUSLY AND DON'T SUGGEST DEEP BREATHS BECAUSE YOU WERE NERVOUS ONCE AND THAT HELPED.

Obviously this post is directed to a specific sort of ignorant bastard and all of us who are fed up with this bullshit. 

  #stopbeingignorant #anxiety is worth accommodating #dontbeadick

[shiroe-is-my-baby]

Two characters promt, 31, you and shiroe. I wanted to choose something cute, but I think this will be pretty funny

Haha! Thanks! This wasn’t as hilarious as I would have wanted it to be, but it’s definitely a good one lol. And I might have slightly brought out Shiroe’s crazy side in this fic, but I have to at least write some bit of crazy Shiroe bc it’s a part of his characters! LOL XD

Warning: terrible catch phrase, canon characters, in-game death (don’t worry they don’t actually die forever just regenerate XD)

I came into the room, trying my hardest not to let Shiroe see me. Usually, he wouldn’t be in sight and I’d be able to sneak inside. But today was slightly different. Shiroe was there, looking for me when I came inside. It was like my heart sank to my toes when I saw him and his smiling face. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him. But it was that I didn’t want him to see me upset.“Ashley, it’s good to see you,” He said, breaking the distance between us.

He hugged me gently, pressing a soft kiss to my cheek. His eyes searched my own, and being up close he was able to see the sadness in them. Shiroe’s eyebrows immediately furrowed, eyes filling with worry the longer he looked at me. I tried to smile, give him some reason to forget about it for now. But that was too easy.

His hand tilted my chin, holding me close to him. “What’s wrong?” He asked, worry in his tone. Swallowing hard, I tried to wrestle from his grasp but he was holding on too tight. If he knew the truth, I knew exactly what would happen. There’s no possible way he could know the truth.

But Shiroe wouldn’t let me leave until I told him.

Or else he’d worry all day about it.

“I-It’s nothing, love. I’m fine.”

“No, something’s wrong. Please, tell me.”

I sighed, pursing my lips as tears stung my eyes. I tried to tell myself that I could handle this on my own. It wasn’t like back home when I was fearful of my life. If I wanted to, I could fix my problems in an instant. But I hated confrontation, and I didn’t want to bring attention to more or Shiroe.

He saw the fight in my eyes, pulling me down the hallway and into an empty room. He sat me down on the couch, sitting down beside me with a gentle squeeze of the hand. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He asked.I sighed, searching his eyes and falling into the cushions. Shiroe needed to know. So I told him. Everything.

The next day, Shiroe had asked me to leave with some of the guild members for the day. Upon my realization that it was Akatsuki and Naotsugu. He said something about a quest, but as for what kind, he didn’t tell me that. I went along with him, trusting in his decision to leave. Unfortunately, he had the exact opposite planned.

We made it outside of town when I saw the glimmer in his eyes. He had been acting strange all day, but I just equated to worry from yesterday. After I told him about the harassment I had been receiving from people, he was quiet for most of the day. I thought he was just trying to figure out a way to make me feel better. Although, it was much more than that.

“Shiroe, what are we doing? Really?” I asked, seeing him stop sudden in he middle of the forest.

He turned around, looking at me with something scary in his eyes. I swallowed, glancing to Akatsuki who was also silent for the most part. Like lightning, she disappeared and reappeared soon after with two men in her palms, throwing them to the ground at Shiroe’s feet. I let out a heavy sigh, noticing that the two people are the ground were the same people bothering me yesterday. The same people that had been bothering me for several days. Sometimes even weeks.

“Sorry it took so long, my lord,” She said, “This one was pretty feisty.”

She pointed to the taller, much broader one of the two. He narrowed his eyes, spitting in her direction and he struggled to his feet. It was obvious now what Shiroe’s plans were. He brought them out here to give them a taste of their own medicine. Because we couldn’t fight in town. He wanted to watch them bleed. I could see it in his eyes.

“Thank you, Akatsuki.”

Shiroe lifted his eyes to me, raising an eyebrow questioningly. “Were these the two that have been bothering you, Ashley?” He asked. I hesitated for a moment, seeing the confusion and anger in the two men’s eyes. They were them. They were definitely the two that had been harassing me for days. I didn’t want to tell Shiroe for this exact reason.

I slowly nodded, feeling eyes all on me. Instantly, I could see the light disappear from his eyes, and the glare of his glasses until I couldn’t see his eyes at all. He stepped forward as the men climbed to their feet, humorous looks on their faces. They had no idea the danger they were in.

“What are you going to do about it, four eyes?” The taller one asked.

“Yeah,” The second chimed, “We were only playing around. She’s the one who’s been a total bi-”

Quickly, a flash appeared behind the man as a hand pressed a knife against his neck. It halted his words, causing him to widen his eyes in surprise. Akatsuki, even though she was small, was able to choke the man with her blade. Only enough to draw the slightest bit and send him sputtering. It was obvious that this one was younger and a lot less experienced. Unless… they were both inexperienced.

“I’d watch how you speak about her,” Shiroe said, his voice a different tone than I’d ever heard before.

“What are you going to do about it? You can’t kill us.”

The taller smirked, standing tall and unafraid. Almost like he was some godly creature. Obviously, he didn’t realize that we were outside of town. Out of limits. The perfect spot that allowed them to be at their mercy. I wasn’t sure if Shiroe planned on killing them completely, but from the look on his face I knew he questioned it.

Shiroe quirked an eyebrow, sizing up the man as he stepped a little closer. Naotsugu had now left my side, looking at me wth a bit of sympathy. But it was obvious all three of them had the same agenda. What did Shiroe tell them? I know that he’s protective, but I never knew he’d be this protective.

Shiroe chuckled, a smirk growing on his face as the laugh darkened. Both men furrowed their brows, completely afraid now. He was insane. Even I felt chills crawling over my skin as I looked at him. But why was it somehow… attractive to me?

“I know that you think you’re untouchable. You have to be to harass the one I love for days. You’re lucky I didn’t know about this sooner,” Shiroe said, the smirk growing the more that he spoke, “But you’re no god. And this is no safe zone. You’re mine.”

Both men’s jaw dropped, their eyes scattering the trees to examine the area. They knew immediately how fucked they were. Even if they tried to fight, these three were way too good to beat. These two were no where near as good. Not as strong.

Shiroe gave a quick nod to Akatsuki, and then there was a flash. A loud scream sounded next, then a quick thud as the taller man’s head slowly rolled off his shoulders. The other, who’s neck had just been held by Akatsuki, let out a scream. Everyone watched as the body laid there, fading away to slowly be regenerated. Even if the man wanted to get revenge on Shiroe, everyone knew that he wouldn’t. Not after today.

We turned to the other man who was shivering. Shiroe’s smirk was now a malicious grin, and he glanced over at him. “Where’s your God now?” He asked. The silence that followed was deadly. Not a single breath could be heard. The man before Shiroe looked completely terrified, eyes wide as he quickly fell to his knees. He began apologizing like crazy, turning to me and telling me how stupid he was.

Shiroe looked pleased with himself and made the man promise to leave me alone. He let him off with a warning, telling him that his friend better stay as far away from me. When he scurried off, I felt complete shock wash over me. Shiroe approached me, tilting my chin to observe my eyes.

His other side was gone, taken over by the Shiroe in had fallen in love with.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” He said.

“I’ll always protect you. From anything.”

[0verdozed-pt2]

"a letter to myself" entry 7: unconditional

I heard someone say these words not too long ago, and wrote them down; “Never feel bad for feeling the need to express your pain. We all want attention when we’re in pain, because without any movement, pain only subsides”. So, before you read this and think, “ugh, she’s doing this for attention”, I’m here to tell you that you’re absolutely right. What I’ve gone through is something worth recognizing and is something I hope no one reading this has to experience, if you haven’t had to already. Typing this right now is my first time ever really talking about my experience openly, but in all honesty, I’m passed the point of caring, so here we go; 
I was finally moving on and was starting to forgive myself. I had lost nearly 25 pounds, gained 40 back, stopped eating, then stopped moving. Then I got better. I put my pain aside. I finally made changes in my life that needed to be made and grew as a person for the better, and then tonight happened. 
Over a year ago I got drunk at a party and supposedly told a guy who I had slept with, who I had also been really into, and who had also had girlfriend at the time, something about having met my dad before. This obviously wasn’t true because my dad passed away before I was born. An entire year later, that same guy told someone I was close with that I had said this to him. The girl he decided to share my supposed drunken words with had already cut me off weeks before, because something bad had happened to me that was a result of me drinking at her house, and it, meaning me, had caused her too much stress and too much worry. She was “done” with me, and despite the physical and emotional pain I was feeling, hers was apparently a lot worse, because we no longer speak due to the constant detriment to her life that was me. 
Because of saying that thing I don’t remember saying to that guy I hadn’t seen or spoken to in a year, someone else that was just as close with me decided then that what I had supposedly said to this guy an entire year before had effected her life and had offended her so much, that she also decided it was time to cut me off. It was a breaking point. For them, and also for me. Two people I thought loved me more than anyone, people I would go to the ends of the earth for, had left without hesitation. 
I was at an all time low. I had just left college due to the severity of my depression, and was then left by one of my best friends after something terrible had happened to me. And a few weeks later, was left by the other because of something I had said drunkenly a year prior, that I also hadn’t remembered saying. All this happened just weeks after my world had come crashing down. 
Tonight, nearly six months after all of this had occurred, it was insinuated that unlike them, I “wear my problems like a Gucci purse”, referring to the fact that I said something about my deceased father over a year ago while being depressed and intoxicated, as though it should effect anyone other than myself. It was something everyone, even my mother who has lost both her father and fiancé could understand, but somehow they couldn’t. If this hadn’t effected my mother at all, how does it make any sense that it would effect them? In fact my mothers exact response was, “No Emily, saying that you had met your father is not something that should offend anyone. If anything I am sorry you miss him so much, I wish things could be different. * and * are judging you for something you said when you were drunk, why do they care so much? I don’t, and frankly, if someone who is supposed to have your back is that quick to judge you for something that doesn’t involve them Emily, it doesn’t seem like they really have your back does it”. It seems that everyone had the same response as my mother; who were they to judge? After finding out I might have said that I had once met my dad, I realized I had that many unresolved feelings over his death, and when I was drunk, it may not have seemed real to me. Since then, I’ve been working really hard on trying to figure out what those unresolved issues are, and also learned that I have a drinking disorder that causes me to have selective memory and personality changes when I consume certain types of alcohol. I’ve been trying so hard to get passed these these things; to resolve these issues. I now at least understand them. 
I’ve had to have been told that none of this was my fault, that my only mistake was drinking because after that I had no control of my actions, over and over again by my family and by professionals because I hated myself so much for being the person I was told I was by two people who didn’t understand me. After letting those two people walk out of my life; people who told me that was too much, people who made me think that I had done something so insanely wrong, and who told me that I was fucked up, I became numb. For someone who had always felt so deeply, I felt nothing at all. Then things started to get better. I finally started to believe the people who had taught me that I deserve loyalty and love that would be reciprocated and began to forgive myself. Now, after tonight, I feel as if all that progress that has been made, the time I spent learning to love myself again, has been compromised because one person decided that in this complicated and gray world, that there was black and there was white; and that there was right and there was wrong; and that I had done everything wrong and that she had done nothing wrong. In her mind what I had done wasn’t a result of a drunk and confused girl that probably just wished she had met her dad and communicated that in the wrong way to the guy that she was interested in, said something that she didn’t mean to say, had a disorder; but instead was a result of me being a liar and a girl who had disrespected her own dead father; something this girl had decided she suddenly knew everything about. Since I had grown so much these past few months and have allowed myself to develop a new understanding of the world and the people living in it, have allowed my tolerance for the people most of this world hates to expand, and to see the good in everyone despite the wrongs they have done, I guess I assumed she had done the same, especially because her actions effected me directly while mine had nothing to do with her. Even so, I apologized for the trust that she felt had been broken, even though it was me who was being kicked while I was down, left - literally sometimes for what felt like close to dead. 
So that’s the last year of my life up until tonight, at least a somewhat brief version of it anyway. Think what you want, but I’m not doing this for sympathy. I’m doing it because I’ve been holding onto this since last winter. I’m also doing it to teach the importance empathy. I’m doing it to teach the importance of loyalty, and to teach what it means to trust that there is a reason for everything that people do, whether it can be explained to us or not. I’m doing it to teach those who have never truly loved how to love infinitely. Although if has caused me pain, I see now that it is so much better to love deeply and often than to be incapable of it. If you love someone you will put your trust into them, and most importantly you will stay when times are good and especially when they are at their worst. Love is seeing every part of someone, the good the bad and the ugly; and loving them regardless. It’s sticking by them without question or the need for justification or explanation. It’s realizing that someone’s actions don’t always need your reaction, just your presence. Love is trusting someone, and it is forgiving them without an apology because you trust their intentions. Love is doing anything for someone because they would do the same for you. Love is unconditional, or it is nothing at all.