#but also it felt like someone was co-fronting and I can't tell if that's because people have co-fronted so much today

[thethingything]

I just turned to talk to another alter as if there was someone co-fronting when there wasn't and had a little kind of mental notification saying "there's no one around right now" in my brain which is kind of ominous and not something I've seen happen before but sure I guess our brain's just doing whatever the fuck right now

[readychilledwine]

Crush

Summary - Deciding to take a yoga class may have been the best decision you've ever made

Warnings - plus size reader, discussions of gym culture and health

A/n - fic 3 for @cassianappreciationweek day 7! We get NSFW from here 💕

🗡Cassian Masterlist🗡Master Masterlist🗡

The clang of weights was almost as annoying as the front desk girl staring at you. You hated gyms, hated the judgment that came with walking into one, hated the way people stared at you as if you weren't the ideal person to actually be at a place for improving yourself. 

“Look,” you interrupted her politely, “I am fully aware I am paying more to take this class because I don't have a membership. Considering I'm just trying out this fitness thing, not really interested in spending $100 a month just then also pay $80 for the one class I'm interested in taking.” Her smiled dropped slightly as she just nodded and took your card, finishing your sign up for the yoga course you and 3 of your closest friends were trying. 

You knew she was just trying to meet her numbers, but it was something from gym culture you hated. The constant pushing to join their cult and have access to “everything” instead of just being able to pay for the classes you were interested in was crazy to you. The way gym culture pushed looking a certain way to be considered healthy and attractive also bothered you greatly. 

Health had to do with more than just the numbers on the scales. It had to do with your mind, your soul, and that was what you were here to work. Your mind and soul, and if you happened to gain some muscle strength from yoga, that was just an added bonus. You were all wanting to try yoga as a form of stress relief, relaxation, and self care.  No pressure, no expectations, just fun. 

The four of you were all laughing as you headed into the gym, not even bothering to stop and look at anyone or anything going on. In your mind, it was just a scene you'd watched hundreds of times. Ripped men showing off their muscles, gym girls vlogging their “workouts” in outfits you never would be caught wearing. You were here for you, not for the show someone thought they could put on for you.

Cassian was in a squat rack, watching you through the mirror as he stood with weights resting on his wide shoulders. You were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Every curve, every strand of hair. You were perfect in his eyes. Rhys followed his glance before grinning, “That's my assistant. Y/n!” 

You glanced up, instantly waving at Rhys and he waved back. He motioned for you to come over, “Hello, darling. What brings you here?”

“Yoga,” you shrugged. “Trying it for stress relief. Mean boss and all!” 

Rhysand laughed at your response, eyes sparkling, “You brought water?” You nodded to him. “Good, that room gets way too hot. I admire the yoga classes, but I can't do it. Oh! By the way,” he motioned to Cassian, “this is my brother, Cassian. You know Az from security.”

And that's when it began.

Two months. Two long months of you and Cassian trading no more than your names, smiles, and slightly flirtatious banter and digs at each other when you would cross paths at the water fountain. 

Today was his day, though. Today he'd finally ask if you wanted him to help you workout, and if you said no, he'd offer dinner instead. Rhys had been forced into telling him every detail of your life. He knew your favorite color, food, how you took coffee. He felt like he knew about you, but now he truly needed to know you.

He needed more than glances that left you blushing. Needed more than you making him go home and spend his night staring at the ceiling in his empty bed wondering if you liked him the way he liked you.

Today was his day. He knew it as he kept glancing at you.

Two months had sucked you into your own version of gym culture, and while your goal was still more the stress relief, you had to admit it was fun watching your booty get even better. You had to also admit deep down that you had other reasons for coming to the gym outside of yoga class, though. That reason was 6’5”, dark curly hair, swirling tribal tattoos, and looking oh so delicious in his black shorts today.

You reminded yourself you were mainly here to focus on you. To get yourself into your head space and earn the snacks waiting for you at home, and zeroed in on the goal of reaching 10,000 stairs by the end of the week.

You were deep into your workout and in your own world when Cassian approached, admiring each jiggle not so secretly, “So y/n.”

“MOTHER F-” you cover your mouth, slapping the emergency stop button and feeling his hand instantly stabilizing you by touching your back. “You scared me!”

“I can tell,” he chuckled back. “I was just wondering if you wanted to try free weights with me today? I spot you? Teach you some stuff?”

I blinked at him, “Really?” He nodded almost boyishly, a playful grin on his face. “I can't spot you, though.”

He motioned over her shoulder to your boss and Azriel, “They exist still. Unfortunately.”

You bit your lip, knowing you'd look so out of place beside the 3 of them. “Cassian, I don't really work out to be-”

“You work out to take care of stress and eat whatever snacks you want. I know. Rhys told me. You'll get tired of cardio soon, so learning another area wouldn't hurt.”

You glared towards Rhys, “Traitor.”

“Is that a yes?”

You sighed and nodded, wiping down the handles of the machine you were on before letting him pull you over to Rhys and Azriel.

One workout became two. Two became twice a week. Twice a week became him coming over and enjoying snacks and a movie. Snacks and movie became dinner with Cassian at an expensive restaurant with Rhys, his wife, Feyre, Azriel, and his possibly girlfriend, Nesta. 

The table was silent as Cassian ordered a fairly unhealthy pasta, ate bread with you, and then shared dessert. It had been so long since they watched him genuinely enjoy food. “Cheat day,” he said casually as Azriel raised a brow at him. “I'm trying to mix y/n's work out to eat what she wants into my lifestyle once a week.” 

“He seems to like our snack and movie nights,” you glanced up at him, to you just admiring the way he smiled. But to the rest of the table, it was clear the gym crush you two shared was becoming much much more. Azriel slipped Rhys money under the table, conceding that he had won the bet. 

“Y/n told me a lot of research shows a cheat day is actually better for you than 7 hard days,” Cassian took another bite of the melted chocolate fudge brownie. “So we have a cheat day now on Sunday. We call it Sinday.”

“We still do a light walk,” you offered as Rhys looked confused. “But more of a “find some wilderness and explore walk than follow this beaten path one.” That dinner turned into many more. It turned into meeting each other's families. To merging friend groups. 

No activity you two tried topped the gym together. Especially after Cassian built and began running his own. His gym was built to cater to those who'd never felt welcomed. One way windows so the people inside could look out, but no one would see in. A mirror room dedicated to progress selfies to stop people from capturing a stranger in their pictures, a strict no bullying policy. He had made a safe haven for those who were serious about their workouts, and those who were just starting, and you could not have been more proud, especially now that you were teaching yoga and hot yoga classes there.

You two posed in the mirror, sweat dripping down him as he flexed and you kissed his cheek with your leg popped up, waiting for the camera to click breaking the no selfies on the main workout floor rule.

“Gross,” Azriel yelled. “Focus on training you two!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cassian shot back. “I'm coming. Enjoy yoga, baby.”

“I will. Snacks tonight?”

“Absolutely,” he answered. “Those little no bake cookie balls would be so good."

"Oh, yeah. We'll pick those up!"

General Taglist:

@hnyclover @glitterypirateduck @slytherinindisguise @mischiefmanagers @bloodicka @starsinyourseyes @the-sweet-psycho @mariahoedt @rinalouu @sarawritestories @starryhiraeth @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @cumuluscranium @loneliestluvr @eternallyelvish @azrielsmate3 @daughterofthemoons-stuff @meritxellao @aria-chikage @hungryforbatboys @lilah-asteria @fandomrejects @sleepybesson @tayswhp @itsswritten @milswrites @littlest-w01f

[imtherain]

Why We Wake

Heyo

Fun fact about me, my first love in life was Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, so as one would imagine, I'm taking the new movie, EXTREMELY well and I am SO normal about it.

Here's the first fanfic I've finished for him this time around. Just a little fic, but I said I'd post it if people liked my last post, and I am nothing if not susceptible to that brand of peer pressure.

Anywho...

Warnings: None really, it's pretty short and kinda cute. There's a storm, there's no smut, reader is jealous/avoidant of her feelings because of Jean... I guess it's vaguely friends to lovers? idk

Plot:

Where it's storming and you go to wander the mansion because you can't seem to sleep. You run into Logan, who also can't sleep, and he was looking for you. 

It had been stormy most of the afternoon, distant thunder and sheets of rain. While the mansion was awake, the noises didn’t bother you. Most of the time, even when it was quiet, storms didn’t really affect you much either. But tonight, as the mansion fell silent and the storm built outside, you found it impossible to settle for the night. You dozed for maybe five whole minutes, but kept finding yourself awake. You tossed and turned until eventually, you gave up.

Like most of the night dwellers, you found your restless feet circling the common areas. Someone was in the lounge flicking through the tv. A couple of the teenagers were whispering in the library as you peaked in and passed by. You figured, since you couldn’t sleep, might as well make the rounds in case someone asked what you were up to. You were supposed to be one of the responsible adults after all.

You weren’t sure why exactly, but after you finished the normal route around the school, your feet took you down the opposite side of the living spaces, causing you to come around the long way on your way back to your room. You really didn’t know why you even bothered to go back towards bed, you would have had better luck sleeping somewhere else. It didn’t matter much though, because your feet stilled outside a door that wasn’t yours.

You and Logan had circled each other for a long time.

But you’d seen the looks that had passed between him and Jean too many times to ever feel like there could be room in his heart for you. You figured you might settle for room in his bed, but you’d never really been the casual type. So all this time you had wanted, and yet, you had stayed, quite purposefully, away. 

But it never prevented the way he flirted with you.

And it never prevented the ache you felt for him.

The door in front of you suddenly swung open and you found yourself face to face with the man himself. He wore a pair of gray sweatpants and a sweatshirt. From the way he had half zipped it, you could tell he hadn’t bothered putting a shirt on underneath. 

“Hey,” His voice was gravel and surprise. “What are you doing up this late?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” You smirked back. He grinned to himself and nodded.

“Storm’s too loud,” He said. “Was going to go see if you were awake. Maybe ask you to sing me a lullaby.” You felt that familiar heat bloom in your chest. Logan often said things like that to you, and if you didn’t know better, you might have even believed he meant it. 

“Sure you were,” You rolled your eyes at him.

He probably said the same things to Jean when he bumped into her.

“What are you doing down this far?” Logan asked, eyebrow raised now. The heat from your chest grew as he watched you blush. “As I recall, your room is on the other side,” 

“It is,” You agreed. “I was walking rounds,” Logan crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame to watch you squirm. 

“In the teacher dorms?” His stupid face was so full of mirth you could almost forget the gnawing in your ribcage. 

“Teachers need to be checked on too,” you snapped back, crossing your arms defensively. 

You hadn’t been doing anything wrong, so why did you feel so guilty?

“Find anything good?” He was smirking at you and you wanted to look away but you couldn’t. You liked it when he smiled at you like that. Even if at some point, the moment would end and you’d be alone again.

“What?”

“On your rounds. Find anything… good?” You weren't sure you understood the pause or why it felt loaded. 

“Not at all, a few kids in the library, a straggler here and there,” You told him. “And you,” he hummed at that.

“Wanna come in?” Logan asked with a nod of his head to signal the room behind him. You'd been alone with him before, and had been in his room plenty of times for a moment or two. 

“Yeah, sure,” You agreed easily. If nothing else, just spending some time with him might help you relax. It usually did, though you would never tell anyone exactly why. 

And you didn’t pay any mind to the little thoughts in your head that spoke of the sorts of sordid things people could do behind a closed door on a stormy night. And while you knew Logan flirted, you also knew he wasn’t going to do anything to you that you wouldn’t like or want or ask for.

Logan moved to push the door open enough that you could slip under his arm and go inside his room. He followed, closing the door behind him. 

The room looked almost identical to yours in form, but you had decorated yours to fit you. Logan’s room looked like no one had lived in it yet, other than the jacket thrown on a chair, a couple pairs of boots, and the fact it smelled like him.

How a room could smell just like him surprised you, but only because he didn’t seem to have been in any one place long enough to leave that sort of trace behind. But he had been at the school far longer than you, so maybe it shouldn’t surprise you.

You watched as Logan made his way back to his bed and slid himself under the covers. He remained sitting up, back against the headboard, as he waved you closer.

“I won’t bite,” Logan’s smile said he might if you asked. You were ok risking it either way.

“I’m not afraid of you,” You teased him, joining him under the blankets. Just like friends at a sleepover. You were surprised at how warm the bed was already. Surprised too, at how you were chilled from your little walk.

“Shame,” Logan mused, shifting so that his arm was around you. You felt the heat from your chest swell again, but you were desperate not to notice it. Not to read into things. “What do you say to spending the night here?” 

“Here?” You mused. You knew Logan could hear your heartbeat speed up. Honestly, it wouldn't have taken enhanced hearing to notice.

“I think the company would do us both some good,” He continued. It was your turn to raise your eyebrow.

“Are you afraid of the storm?” You ask, incredulous.

“Not afraid, it’s just… really loud. I’d rather listen to something else,” You could feel him watching you but you weren’t brave enough to meet his eyes. This could go a couple of ways, and most of them ended with you crying in your bathroom tomorrow.

“Do earplugs not help since your hearing is so good?” You asked, trying to dispel the tension.

“Pretty much,” You jumped when you felt him press his lips to your bare shoulder. You weren’t sure if you were glad for your tank top or not. “You ok with this?” 

“More than I should be, yeah,” Your chest felt tight. It was nerves and it was that ache that always seemed to show up when Logan was nearby.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” His breath fanned against your neck, but he paused in his movements.

“I’ve seen the way you look at Jean,” You told him. “I don’t want to be your consolation prize,” You didn’t have the strength to stop him when he shifted to rest his forehead into the crook of your neck.

“Then you haven’t seen the way I look at you,” His voice was a whisper against your skin. You shivered as he pressed another chaste kiss there.

“I guess I haven’t,” You agree, equally soft. You wondered how you never made the connection that anytime you did look at him, his eyes always happened to be on you. Did he really look at you like that? 

“I can hear your heart racing,” Logan chuckled, his lips on the shell of your ear. “Tell me you don’t want this,” 

“Tell me that you do,” You countered, eyes screwed shut.

“I do,” He almost purrs. “God, I’ve wanted you since the first day you walked into this mansion.” Another kiss against your jaw and you couldn’t help but move so he had better access to kiss your throat. “With your giant ass wheeled suitcase… and that fucking sundress,” He groaned when he felt your hand on his arm, squeezing him in response to the memory. You had always been so busy trying not to catch his eye for fear of finding him looking at someone else. “I’ve dreamed about you in that dress…and you cruelly haven’t worn it since,” 

Turns out you really had missed him looking at you.

“It didn’t seem as appropriate once I got here,” You manage around the blood racing through your body. Your heart was working overtime, beating so loud you couldn’t even hear the thunder anymore.

“Maybe you should wear it for me when I get to take you out,” Logan chuckled as your ears turned pink. He was so close to you, shrouding you from the night and the storm outside. It was so different than you expected it to be, but you welcomed it either way.

“You want to take me out?” 

“If you’ll let me,” He sits back to look at you. “Though if you just want to fuck, I guess that’s fine too,” 

You were surprised at the way his eyes hardened at the thought that this might just be carnal. You may not have known everything that had happened to him in his life, but it wasn’t hard to guess that there had been a number of times when people just wanted to use him. For fighting, for fucking, for whatever, his own feelings be damned.

You never wanted to make him feel like that.

“I’d love for you to take me out,” You told him, reaching out to cradle his face in your hands. Logan grinned, leaning into your touch. Before you thought better of it, you leaned forward and covered his mouth with yours. 

Logan seemed pleased by this, adjusting so that he was over you, working you both down the bed so that he could settle himself with his hips cradled in your welcoming thighs. His lips never leaving yours.

“When are you free next?” Logan asked, panting after the long kiss broke for a moment. 

“I don’t know,” You roll your eyes at him. “We’ve got other things to do right now,” You couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped you as he knit his brow, seeming to wonder what you meant. You just pulled him down to kiss you again.

Eventually, you both settled in for the night, exhausted all at once. Logan was using you as a pillow, his head resting just above your hip, one arm reaching up between your thighs so he could tease the skin around your navel with his strong fingers, tracing circles and nonsense into your flesh. Holding you like his favorite pillow.

You were resting comfortably amongst his pillows, one hand reaching down to the back of his head to play with his hair.

“I think the storm passed,” You muse, not really meaning anything by it.

“There’s more coming,” Logan told you. “So if you don’t mind, I’m going to stay right here and listen to you instead,” you felt him nip gently at your hip and you squirmed.

“I don’t mind at all,” You smiled at the ceiling while Logan adjusted himself around you.

“Good,” He mumbled, already halfway to sleep. You couldn’t help the grin on your face as you felt his breathing even out. 

Maybe you woke up just for this.

Either way, you were more than happy to play pillow, and soon enough, you were just as asleep as he was.

[Masterlist]

Likes/comments/reblogs directly correlate to how much fanfiction/fanart you see ;)

[gingiekittycat]

I miss the narrator

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I miss the narrator from Good Omens season 1.

I will admit, when I first watched the show it threw me a bit. Sure, the narrator's jokes were funny, but I thought that as a story-telling device it was distracting. There was just so much of it all the time, and it often felt out of place. And when I went to look up reviews online, it seemed a lot of people agreed: if there ever was a season 2, the narrator had to go.

But THEN.

THEN.

Then I read the book.

And I realized: the narrator is the footnotes. It's the little jokes in between the plot. In descriptions, in metaphors, in transitions. The narrator is what makes the magic of the novel.

The narrator is the authors.

More specifically, the narrator is Terry.

Terry's influence on the novel, on the story; Terry's influence in the way he and Neil wrote the book. Neil has said before somewhere (I will find the source eventually and add it) that he was writing in Terry's style when he co-wrote the novel. And it shows; to me, when I read Good Omens, I was reading a Terry Pratchett novel. At the time, I had no previous experience with reading Terry's work, and the only novel I'd read of Neil's was American Gods. And in my opinion, Good Omens reads nothing like American Gods.

In subsequently reading more of Terry's work, it became even clearer to me that the narrator in the show was Neil's way of keeping Terry in the story. And maybe it WAS clunky in a visual medium, maybe it WAS distracting, jarring. But it was also hilarious, and whimsical, and playful, and fun. And I don't see how Neil could have done without it and still stayed so true to the novel. The jokes, the metaphors, the descriptions, the footnotes; this is what makes Good Omens what it is.

There was no narrator in season 2.

I will say up front that, overall, I enjoyed season 2. It had so many funny moments, and so many thought-provoking, poignant moments too. It used some dialog from the first book (looking at you Resurrectionists minisode) to remind us why Good Omens is not just a romp between an angel and demon, but also a philosophical, thought-provoking piece of media. It had a lot of Pratchett-esque moments; the Job minisode stood out to me here. The end was, of course, emotional and gutting, but I like emotional and gutting (anyone who has read my fics knows this). But... I found myself missing the narrator. 

I missed Terry.

And maybe that was a good thing. Maybe it was even on purpose. Maybe the lack of narrator really is illustrating the fact that, when Terry died, he left a hole in the world that can never be filled. You can't make the same show you would have made had Terry been alive. You can't even try. You can make your own thing, you can make it amazing in its own right, but you can't make it the same. And, all said and done, I think that's a very important commentary on grief. When you lose something, or someone, you're not the same as you were before; and it hurts, but you change, you adapt, you grow. Eventually, you make something new.

So... do I want there to be a narrator in season 3?

That's a good question. I think I would accept both outcomes. However, knowing that season 3 is supposed to be the sequel Neil and Terry plotted, I think it would be appropriate to have a narrator this time around. True, we have no novel to base it off of; we don't have any of Terry's footnotes, his metaphors, his jokes. But we have Neil, whom Terry influenced while writing the original novel; we have Neil writing in Terry's style, putting himself in Terry's shoes for a moment (his hat, his scarf). We have Neil, who loved Terry, who has in part made this show as a labor of love, because he promised Terry he would, and he's going to keep that promise. We have Neil to remind us why we love Good Omens in the first place.

And I think having a narrator in season 3 would be a wonderful way to illustrate that. 

[alice-after-dark]

Something That Has Been Bouncing Around in My Brain

This is one of those little things that has just lived rent free in my brain ever since I saw episode 2. So from what I have seen, people generally think that Vox is a terrible toxic boss who abuses his employees. While I'm not gonna say that this is not true, the one interaction we see between him and his staff (his assistant) was very telling to me.

TW for discission of abusive work relationships, physical/mental/emotional abuse, and other canon-typical triggers.

Look at what we have seen from the Vees as bosses so far.

Valentino is highly abusive in every capacity and cruel to his employees. His employees fear him and his wrath. They are reluctant to disagree or argue with him. They don't talk back. We see this specifically with Angel Dust and Travis. Angel Dust is pretty self-explanatory, but with Travis, when Valentino says that no one cares about the script and for Angel to just improv the scene, he looks directly at Travis who looks scared shitless as he hurriedly agrees with Valentino.

Velvette is a very strict boss with high expectations and an even higher approval bar. She flat out fires someone for not meeting her standards. She is very much the boss from Devil Wears Prada. She is verbally abusive to her employees and accepts only the best of the best. I definitely think she is a better boss than Valentino, but she's also not sunshine and rainbows. She does have the benefit in her corner that she at minimum recognizes that physical abuse is counter-intuitive to her bottom line and calls Vox in for backup when Valentino is going on a rampage and harming her employees. Her employees might not be emotionally or mentally safe from her, but at minimum they are physically safe.

And Vox? Well, here's where things get interesting in my opinion. Because the only interaction we see between Vox and an employee is that employee questioning him. His assistant walks right up to him and essentially says "I have no idea what is going on" and Vox doesn't get pissed or verbally berate him or anything. He answers his question and then immediately launches into a plan and distributes marching orders. And it can't even be argued that he is controlling his temper for the media crowd because they're all so hypnotized at that moment that he is openly talking about how this is a last second bullshit plan for profit right in front of them. The point I'm trying to make is that Vox's assistant literally has no fear of questioning his boss, something that would be 100% out of the question with Valentino and Velvette. His assistant had no idea if this was a new idea or if he had just somehow let something fall through the cracks, but he felt safe enough to ask that question. Like think about it. For all the assistant knew, he could have completely dropped the ball on something that was supposed to be long in production and he still felt safe enough to bring it to Vox's attention that he didn't know what Vox was talking about. That says a lot. And in turn, Vox has zero interest in hiding that this is a last second scheme. He straight up tells his assistant as much. This tells us that, at minimum, Vox has favorites who get more privileges than others in how they can interact with him as we only see him interact with a single employee as opposed to Valentino and Velvette who interact with multiple employees.

Now, I'm not the type of analyzer to ignore the elephant in the room for the sake of my bias because frankly where is the fun in that? Something that does lend itself to the Vox being just as toxic a boss as the others is the fact that he does offer up the lowest earners to Valentino to shoot. That is definitely a shitty move. The one fact that I will point out here is that this isn't done just for shits and giggles or over a tantrum (like Valentino tearing apart Velvette's model). Vox does this in order to satiate Valentino's bloodlust and keep him from being in a bad mood, causing more collateral damage to the company (again, Velvette's model) and their image, and going after the hotel. It's a calculated move to appease Valentino. And Vox specifically goes for the people who would be the least loss to the company while they regenerate. It's still shitty to offer up your employees to get shot up like a demented carnival game, but I think it's fair to say he wouldn't have done that if Valentino wasn't being a big baby about the whole Angel Dust situation. It's not even his first go to. He plays every card to talk Valentino down first before resorting to the sacrifice of his employees when Valentino insists on being petulant about the whole thing. And what do we see? Valentino's mood abruptly goes from petulant to pleased. He is officially sated and appeased, which was Vox's goal from the beginning.

So what do I think this ultimately says about Vox as a boss? I think that he has high standards/expectations and definitely plays favorites and will absolutely throw you under the bus if it comes down to the protection of his company and image, but on average he's not a terrible boss. I think as long as you do your job, do it well, and make him money, he is perfectly fine to work with.

[meetmyothersouls]

Random one shot bc this pic sent me into an immediate thought.

What are We?

warnings: angst, implied sex, argument, secret couple

You attended the press conference for a movie you didn’t feel like promoting. At least, not right now. Not after the argument you and your co-star, Jonah had. Alright, you can’t just call him your co-star. You’d fallen for him hard. But not as hard as he fell for you.

Last week, you flew into London to spend time with Jonah alone before the press conference for the new movie began. Six glorious days flew by filled with love, and food and kissing and sex. The seventh day was different. You could tell something was on his mind.

“Alright, what’s going on?” You finally asked.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me. I’ve been around you long enough to be able to tell when something’s bothering you.”

Jonah sat close do you but didn’t make eye contact. You lowered your head onto his lap and pulled his face down to kiss you. “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me,” you said I between them.

“You’ll get mad.”

That got your attention. You say up and pressed your back against the arm of the sofa. “What is it?” You asked again, only this time with more uncertainty in your voice and a significant lack of kisses.

“It’s nothing bad. I don’t think. I just. I don’t-”

You drug your hand across your face and Jonah sighed. You were both quiet for a moment until he finally spoke, “what are we?”

“Huh?” The question not only caught you off guard, it shocked you.

"What are we?" Jonah repeated.

"I thought it was obvious," you said, the days spent in bed, loving each other endlessly. You knew what it was to you, but now you were questioning him.

"Maybe to you."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Why can't you answer the question, y/n."

"Because! I spent the entire time filming trying to convince myself not to fall for you, and now that I have fully let myself go for you, you start all this bullshit!"

Jonah was silent.

"I thought we were together, Jonah."

There was a tiny sliver a hope in his eyes that faded away once he asked his next question. "Then how come every time you introduce me to someone, I'm just your 'friend'?"

You groaned. Labels. Jonah was all about putting a label on things. "Not everything has to be public, Jonah."

"I want it to be public. I want us to be public."

"I don't!"

"Why not!?"

"Because it fucking ruins everything. Don't you get that!? The last-"

"Oh, here you go again comparing shit to your last sorry excuse of a relationship."

You shut your mouth, then opened it again, trying to find the words to say back to him. Nothing came. You pulled on your sweater and stormed out of Jonah's room.

"Y/n," Jonah started after you. "Y/n!"

"Just leave me alone, Jonah."

"Just wait. Don't leave. Let's talk about this."

You slung your pack over your shoulder and zipped your luggage shut. You knew you were forgetting things, but you didn't care.

"There is no talking about this with you, Jonah. You want it one way and I want it another."

Jonah reached out and grabbed your arm. You stopped for a moment and in that instant, you almost threw yourself back into his arms, but you had to stop yourself. As much as you wanted it to, this wasn't going to work. You pulled your arm out of his grip.

"I'll see you at the conference," is all you said as you stepped away from him.

Two days later, the press conference arrived. You, the rest of the cast and the director stood on a stage in front of a rather impressive audience. Normally you would have stood next to Jonah, who was also standing next to the director, but you opted to stand further away. Even the director raised an eyebrow at your decision. You tried not to look at Jonah, but you couldn't help it. You wondered if he was trying not to look at you. If he was, he was doing a much better job at succeeding than you were. He looked absolutely sexy in a white t-shirt, glasses and a pair of dark jeans. It'd been two days since you'd been with him, but it felt like a thousand. He had his arms crossed, listening intently to what the director was saying, laughing when it was appropriate to laugh, but there was something about his expression that caught your eye. Just as you placed it, his eyes flicked over to you. You looked away, only to look right back. Jonah cracked a half smile at you, and you couldn't help but smile back.

I'm sorry, he mouthed.

Me too, you mouthed back.

Tags: @danielabetancourth @luna2034 @wandamaximoffbae @twinkledinkleg-blog @justagirlwholovedtoread @nonsensical-nonsence @paramorelvrr @thedonswife13 @miniemonie2001 1 @jonahhauer-kingg @crazyyynyyyy @notagreekgal28

[caspersickfanfics]

Can't Stop Puking

For @monthofsick day 2

Prompt List | AO3 | Ask | Rules

Warnings: Vomiting (graphic), fever, nightmare reference

A/N:

No one requested this, it just happened. I actually haven't seen Kaveh at all in the Archon quests, so if he seems out of character, I apologize. All of the info I have about him is secondhand, unfortunately. I tried really hard not to villain-ize him in this and rather just make him flawed and complex, but I'm not sure I succeeded. If I got anything wrong for either character, I'm open to feedback in that area for them!

Alhaitham, as a rule of thumb, did not act before determining that doing so would be worth his effort. When choosing a job, he took the path of least resistance. When shopping, he bought only what was needed. When it came to Kaveh… Well, Kaveh really was no exception.

It was simply that Kaveh was worth his effort. 

All of the energy Alhaitham saved up in his day-to-day activities could be re-allocated to more important things. Like Kaveh.

Outsiders seemed to assume otherwise, but Alhaitham didn’t find that living with Kaveh demanded excess amounts of energy. Perhaps if it were someone else, he would mind being woken up late at night. Because it was Kaveh, though, he woke to a sense of warm fondness. It was easy to embrace the feeling of safety and drift back off. When his housemate was gone on work trips, Alhaitham found himself waking on his own to an unsettling silence, his body anxious and concerned.

And this was what actually required a great deal of energy: not living with Kaveh, but caring about him. In the past, Before, it wasn’t so taxing, so Alhaitham felt confident that this, too, would be worth it. That eventually the walls Kaveh had built specifically for him would crumble down if he just continued to wear at them.

But then, there were days when he wondered if he had severely underestimated Kaveh’s architectural prowess; Kaveh had a unique ability to take what had once been broken, and rebuild it with renewed strength.

On one such occasion of wavering doubt, Alhaitham woke up to a sore throat and aching muscles. He quickly ascertained that missing work would be more trouble than it was worth, and also that if he were to get Kaveh sick, he would never live it down. So the best course of action was to leave early in the morning, before Kaveh woke up, and return early to rest and heal as much as possible in the evening. This continued for two days, and on the third, Kaveh awoke early with him.

“Stop avoiding me,” he demanded. “If you have a problem, tell me to my face.”

Alhaitham pondered his response to this for too long, apparently, perhaps because his brain had become foggier with each passing day. 

“I have a cold,” he eventually confessed.

For a moment, Kaveh’s brows furrowed, the lines of his anger softening to concern. Then he shook his head and scoffed. “Oh, sure, that explains it. If you’re going to come up with an excuse, you’ll have to do better than that.”

If he could have protested, he would have. Instead, Alhaitham struggled to stay on his feet. He’d seen a look of devastating hurt and betrayal on Kaveh’s face, and now the world was spinning. Either that, or he was sicker than he’d thought. Or both. Alhaitham shuddered, not liking the thought, and by the time his vision steadied enough for him to focus, Kaveh had already stormed off.

Alhaitham stumbled out of the front door still confident that Kaveh was worth every effort, but uncertain if he was strong enough to break down the walls of a master architect on his own.

His day did not improve.  He had only a short walk to work, but the dizziness wouldn’t go away. On more than one occasion he had to stop and lean on a building to catch his breath. At one point, he was so sure he would be sick that he found a quiet alleyway and knelt on the ground, squeezing his eyes shut as nausea wove its way into his veins. It didn’t leave him, but after about five minutes, he resigned himself to living with it while he continued about his day.

Fortunately, Alhaitham had only a few quick meetings, and the rest of his time was spent in his office, alone. Less fortunately, he didn’t even make it until lunch time before he found himself retching into his hands. Nothing came up right away, so he grabbed the small trashcan from under his desk and hung his head over it, mouth open and drooling. He retched and coughed, but was largely unproductive in his efforts, with the exception of a few splatters of bile. Shaking, he set the bin down, hoping to get a few more hours of work in.

It was not to be. As soon as Alhaitham picked up his pen, he burped and felt hot liquid in his throat with it. He moved quickly and by the time he burped again, the trash was there to catch a mouthful of sick. 

Alhaitham felt downright miserable. He missed Kaveh. He missed a time, a time Before, when Kaveh would’ve been the first to notice he was ill, and would’ve taken care of him without a second thought. He wanted to be home. He wanted to stop thinking about the look of betrayal on Kaveh’s face and how hard it was not to hurt him. He wanted his mouth to stop tasting revolting enough to make him feel like heaving again.

He figured, logically, that he could take care of at least one of those wants, and took a swig of water to rinse his mouth out. Instead, he was caught off guard by his stomach revolting again, before he even swallowed. He spat out the water onto the floor, unable to aim properly this time, and with it came more vomit, splashing across the ground.

It was disgusting to look at, so Alhaitham closed his eyes and laid his cheek against the desk. He tried to breathe slowly, to calm his racing heart and think straight, but to no avail. He managed to work out that he had a fever and should return home. The task of moving just seemed… too tiresome.

Time passed at a strange pace. The stench grew, as did the swirling in Alhaitham’s abdomen. He caught himself swallowing excessively in an attempt at regaining control, but it only made him feel worse. It only built up the air in his stomach until he couldn’t resist a burp. Something noxious, akin to biryani gone bad, assaulted his taste buds. Alhaitham’s entire body rippled with a harsh heave, a dark and viscous liquid adding to the mess on the floor.

He felt like his stomach had wrung him dry. And yet, it still churned threateningly. Exhaustion weighed heavy on Alhaitham’s shoulders, however, and eventually dragged him deep into a fitful sleep.

–––

When he woke, Alhaitham was out of sorts and on edge - the sure remnants of a nightmare, now that he could have them. A certain architect’s back faded quickly from behind his eyes as Alhaitham became more aware of his surroundings.

He was immediately assaulted by the sour stench, now permeating his office. He stomach lurched and he bit back a retch, but a groan escaped him. A hand fluttered to his pounding head. Alhaitham blinked blearily, wondering what had woke him.

As his vision came into focus, he noticed a small figure in the doorway. It was Cyno, his body language uncharacteristically tentative. Upon seeing Alhaitham move, he came closer, gaze intense and unreadable as always. They blinked at each other until the matra broke the silence.

“I was planning to contact someone from the Bimarstan. I did not expect you to come to so quickly.” Cyno didn’t touch him, but his eyes trailed carefully over Alhaitham’s body with an assessor’s level of attentiveness.

“I’m fine,” Alhaitham’s voice sounded slow and slurred. “Just had a nap.”

“You’re clearly ill,” Cyno returned, combatively. “It’s written all over your face and the mess here spells it out quite clearly.”

Compared to his other symptoms, Alhaitham would admit that his complete lack of verbal dismay at Cyno’s attempted humor was perhaps cause for alarm. The matra, however, did not seem to feel the same, his chest puffing out slightly as he went on to explain:

“The joke is that you are a scribe. So, the words “written” and “spells” work as a pun—”

“I’ll go home early today,” Alhaitham conceded, drawing himself unsteady upright. Maybe he should thank Cyno later for spurring him into action. “I simply require rest to recover.”

Cyno reached out a steadying hand as Alhaitham swayed on his feet. “I’ll walk you back.”

“No,” came Alhaitham’s quick response, before he could think much of it. He was sure he looked as sick as he felt, and while Cyno’s offer was made in kindness, he would rather suffer without an audience. He only hoped he could make it home without causing a scene. Alhaitham’s stomach shifted and he muffled a belch into his fist; he wasn’t confident in his abilities at the moment, so he shakily found a new trash liner in his desk and pocketed it. Cyno eyed him, clearly doubtful.

“It’s not a long walk,” Alhaitham stated, hoping to be convincing enough. He didn’t have it in him to continue arguing, and they were barely even friends, after all. He relaxed as Cyno nodded.

“I’ll clean up here and will check to make sure you made it home after work.”

Alhaitham grimaced at the thought of an acquaintance cleaning up his mess, but the need to sit was growing in urgency with each passing moment, and he had to get away from the smell as soon as possible. He didn’t bother with a goodbye.

The fresh air of the city helped somewhat, but Alhaitham should have considered the time of day. The streets were busy with vendors selling and consumers eating heavily scented lunch. The aroma should have been a pleasant one. Instead it heightened the unrelenting queasiness. With quick steps, Alhaitham made it about halfway home and stumbled into a quiet nook between houses before pulling out the garbage liner. He struggled to open it, hands shaking as bile rose in his throat. His stomach spasmed and acid splashed against the back of clenched teeth. Just in time, he peeled the opening wide, lurching forward with a muffled retch.

For how violently he heaved, only a thin stream of pale vomit slid into the flimsy bag. Alhaitham couldn’t tell when he would be sick again, but he knew that he needed to keep moving. He felt weak, and he was sure that if he rested for too long, he would simply fall asleep again. Now that Alhaitham was away from the main downtown area, it was less likely that someone would notice anything off about him.

It was still surprising to him just how angry his stomach was. He made it no more than three steps before bringing the plastic to his face with a heave. Once again, it was minimally productive, only really serving to worsen the ache in his gut. The rest of the journey was just as difficult. The initial bout of illness seemed to spur on a series of hiccups, each bringing with a it a mouthful of liquified, rancid stomach contents.

Upon making it home, Alhaitham hesitated. He still didn’t want to get Kaveh sick, or to worry him, or make him feel bad, but he didn’t have the energy to avoid him. A vague plan to hole up in his room lingered in the back of his mind, but that relied on having the trash liner with him. Since there was still very little in it, he bunched it up as small as he could and tucked it under his cape before heading in.

Immediately, he heard a loud clatter, as though something was dropped, and Kaveh’s head popped out from his room.

“Alhaitham? You’re home early.” The architect drew himself into the foyer, peering closely at the younger man. “You look… ill.”

Alhaitham steeled his expression. “Just tired. I finished up early so I left.”

“Huh,” Kaveh said, voice soft. The skin around his eyes was pinched, the way it got when he was angry or… worried. “I’ll try to keep things quiet, then. Will you let me know if you need anything?”

“Mhm,” Alhaitham agreed and, without another word, moved quickly to his room. Though he loved talking to Kaveh, the conversation could not go on without risking disaster. He turned on some calming music, at a volume louder than he would normally have it play, before unravelling the plastic trash liner once again.

For the next half hour, Alhaitham sat in bed with his mouth hung open, quietly belching up puke into the bag. He was sweating horribly and added “change the bedsheets” to a growing list of tasks to complete as soon as he was capable of moving without being sick. When Kaveh yelled to tell him he was going out to meet a client, Alhaitham left his room in favor of the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toilet. He figured that Kaveh would be out for at least the next two hours. If Alhaitham was lucky, he could get the illness out of his system before his housemate returned.

As he’d hoped, Alhaitham was able to relax his body more once situated in front of the more solid receptacle of the toilet. He squatted in front of it and waited mere minutes before vomiting profusely into the water. Perhaps because he’d been unintentionally holding himself back for so long, it took only the slightest gag for Alhaitham’s stomach contents to come surging forth, wave after wave of a soupy orange substance filing the toilet. It burned his throat and his head felt like it was splitting. He sputtered, desperate for air, between seemingly unending rounds of lines. Rarely did Alhaitham feel so helpless. After many minutes of this, hollow dry heaves echoed back at him, as if mocking his still churning stomach.

“Alhaitham!”

He froze, but Kaveh burst into the house with such urgency that the Alhaitham had no time to scramble back to his room and pretend to be fine. With his sensitive ears, he heard keys clatter to the ground rather than into the beautiful glass bowl Kaveh usually used religiously. His footsteps through the house were hurried, frantic even, and he barged into the bathroom without knocking. Kaveh’s emotions, as always, were written across his face on full display, but trying to decipher them now made Alhaitham’s head spin. The only ones he was sure of were anger, with which he is all too familiar, and betrayal, no different from what he had seen hours earlier prior to leaving for work. It felt like ages ago.

Alhaitham tried, at least, to listen to Kaveh’s words. He always tried at that. But his brain was so foggy, he caught only bits and pieces of meaning. Cyno had spotted Kaveh with his client and interrupted them, so it must have been something urgent. Something about Alhaitham. Which didn’t make sense because Alhaitham couldn’t fathom what about him would be more important than Kaveh’s work, not when the world was spinning, dipping, lurching… He tried to rein in his focus again.

Kaveh was mad because of - what? Alhaitham had missed something. A secret? That didn’t feel quite right. It was something Alhaitham had done - again. Something he had done to try and protect Kaveh, but that once again hurt him anyway. Something that was familiar to what Alhaitham had done to hurt him Before, even, he realized with an ache. Something like - a promise. 

“You told me you were fine! Do you really trust me so little, hate me so much, that you have to lie about your health just to get me out of the house? While you’re ill?”

He broke a promise.

A sharp pain pierced Alhaitham’s heart, and with the state that he was in, his stomach felt it immediately. He was left spewing, once again helpless and out of control, only now it was no doubt impacting Kaveh as well. Alhaitham yearned to say something, anything, and especially sorry, but he simply couldn’t. Even when the vomiting stopped, after hours on hours of illness and overstimulation, Alhaitham simply had no words. He squeezed his eyes shut, still hanging his head miserably over the toilet bowl, feeling weak and undeserving.

“Archons, Alhaitham, while you’re this ill… Why would you—? Archons…” Even in his haze, Alhaitham tried to place the tone of Kaveh’s voice. Teary, he thought. Confused. Hurt. Again.

This time, he couldn’t explain, couldn’t make his attempts at eroding Kaveh’s walls. Alhaitham was out of words and out of actions that could speak for him. So he did something that was, for once, out of character: unreasonably, he hoped. He hoped desperately that just this one time, Kaveh could see that he was not trying to wear away at his walls to find vulnerability and harm him (like he had, admittedly but unintentionally, done before) but to simply be with him in his lonely little town of one.

Alhaitham was lonely, too.

Really fucking lonely.

“Oh,” Kaveh’s gasp cut through it all - the swirling thoughts and nausea. It was almost painfully gentle… like an afterthought of regret. Alhaitham hoped. “No, Haitham, don’t cry. You’ll make yourself sicker. It - you’ll be okay, I promise. Stop crying, please.”

Even knowing that they were there, Alhaitham paid the tears on his cheeks no mind. Kaveh’s hands had fallen onto his back and shoulder. They were warm, like he had imagined. Like they used to be, Before. A shudder ran through him, and a healthy dose of fear, and he choked on an attempt at words.

“Don���t– uuurp!” Alhaitham belched up a thin stream of bile into the toilet bowl, coughing on the acidic taste. He felt Kaveh flinch away when he spoke and gasped desperately for air.

“Calm down,” Kaveh murmured, hesitant now. Pulling away again. “I– I can go if you really want to be alone.” Alhaitham grunted in frustration. This couldn’t happen again, this couldn’t keep happening. Even if it hurt him. His voice was small and choked, but he refused to be silent.

“Please,” he begged. “Don’t leave.”

“Oh.” Kaveh said. And that was it, for a long while. Enough time passed that Alhaitham risked turning around, worried that he’d bared his soul and Kaveh had swiftly determined it unworthy of care. Maybe he’d walked away after all.

But he hadn’t. Kaveh stood there, still, blinking quickly and looking up at the ceiling. A trembling hand covered his mouth.

He looked… gutted.

Kaveh tried for a smile. It wavered, then broke. “Sorry,” he managed, trying again to be chipper, and with somewhat more success. That wasn’t saying much. A tear escaped and made its way down his cheek. Alhaitham looked up at him, his own tears drying, eyebrows coming together. Kaveh was reminded, harshly, cruelly, of a much younger version of the man before him, always worrying about his senior and following him around. He was reminded that Alhaitham was still very young now. He was shocked with the knowledge that he had been condemning him for actions he’d made when he was much younger. Kaveh’s heart trembled, and shattered. He swallowed a lump in his throat, shook his head, wiped his tears. He sat next to Alhaitham, and opened his arms like he used to. Before.

“Come here,” he breathed, and was relieved when Alhaitham didn’t think twice. He wasn’t nearly as small as he used to be, but he still fit nicely in Kaveh’s arms.

“Haiyi,” Kaveh whispered. He spoke the near-forgotten nickname with reverence and felt the younger man curl closer to him, relaxing. “Haiyi, I’m sorry. I’ll fix it, okay? I’ll fix us. I promise.”

–––

Alhaitham smiled. He drifted into a dream of two lonely towns. They were broken down, both of their walls crumbled, revealing a vast emptiness between them. 

It was a good dream. Unreasonably so.

But then, maybe it was not unreasonable at all. They were now simply one town. A town that needed fixing, but a town united. And, in the same way that he knew Kaveh was worth all of his effort and energy, Alhaitham knew with certainty one other thing about his housemate: Kaveh was good - very good - at fixing things.

–––

Novemetober Rescheduled Day 1

Send asks here!

[cookiegirlsstuff]

Tickles for Tae

Lee: Taehyung

Ler: Seokjin

♫₊˚.🎧✩｡

Taehyung was desperate. Not long ago he realised that he really likes beeing tickled.

It all started when he was tickled by Jungkook because he drank the bunny's banana milk. He couldn't believe it at first but after a little research he found out that there is a whole community of people with the same pleasure.

There are also special terms for the persons involved. A Lee is a person who likes to be tickled and a Ler is someone who likes to tickle others. There are also switches who like to do both.

Taehyung is a lee but there is a problem: nobody knows about it. He would really like to tell his friends, but he is afraid that they would think the wrong thing of him or find him weird.

However, Taehyung had been in a lee mood for almost 2 weeks and still hadn't been tickled. He really didn't know what to do now…

He was so desperate and sad that he locked himself in his room straight after dance training and hasn't come out yet.

"Taehyung, please open the door," he heard the voices of his hyungs outside the door, but he remained stubborn.

Taehyung thought he could finally think about his problem in peace, but rejoiced too soon….

After a few minutes he heard a key being turned in the lock and shortly afterwards the door opened.

It was the oldest of the Members Jin.

"Taehyung please tell me what's going on. We're all worried about you," Jin said carefully.

The younger man just shook his head. He was embarrassed to talk about it, especially since he had locked himself up over such a topic.

"Taehyung, I'm going to stay here until you tell me what's going on," said Jin with a confident grin on his face.

Taehyung didn't say anything back. He knew that he would have to give up for better or worse. So he got up and locked the door once again that day.

"Well not too long ago I found out that I…really like being tickled", Tae said ashamed.

"Please don't think weird of me! It's not a fetish or anything!" he made clear when he noticed the look on Jin's face.

"Eww Taehyung that's really weird! Why can't you be normal? You're so disgusting!" said Jin.

"I know", Taehyung said and laid down on his bed, his head buried in the pillow.

That's exactly what Jin wanted. He seized the opportunity and turned Taehyung around, only to find himself over the younger one afterwards.

"What are you doing hyung?" asked Taehyung, giggling as he looked into the grinning face of the oldest.

“I was just kidding and now I’m gonna tickle the sadness out of you!” Jin said smiling.

Soon Taehyung felt his shirt being raised and Jin wiggling his finger above the youngers tummy.

“Gahahahahahaha nahahahahahahaha” Taehyung blushed and covered his face.

"Does this even count as tickling? i'm barely touching you." Jin laughed and started spidering Taehyung's tummy.

Jin coed as he dipped one finger in the younger's belly button and used the other on his waistline.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HYUHUHUNG NOHOHOHOHO” the tiger let out high pitched giggles as Jin started squeezing his sides.

“Whoa! i didn’t expect that much of a reaction.” Jin said.

"YEHEHESS YOU DIIID", Taehyung replied.

"As much as I'd love to keep tickling you, tickling the same spot all the time gets boring. I wonder if you're ticklish anywhere else?" asked Jin, looking at the giggling male in front of him.

“Oh, seems like someone’s got the giggles!" Jin teased.

Then Jin sat down on the boy's ankles and gently ran his finger up and down Tae's foot.

“STOHOHOHP!” Taehyung tried to squirm and to pull his legs towards him, but Jin was doing an amazing job on pinning him down with his weight.

“I didn’t think you’d be this ticklish, .” Jin wondered happily as he kept on playing with the others feet, teasing the crap out of him.

“IHIHIHIHI *squeal* NAHAHAHA STAHAHA *squeak* SHUHUHUT UHUHUP STOHOHOHOP” This was so embarrassing and he was losing his mind. And then his laughter dipped into silence for a quick second and Jin knew he’d had enough, lifting his hands and climbing off of the younger, leaving him to curl up and cackle his little heart out.

"Did you have fun tiger?", Jin asked curious.

“Yehehehes thahank you.”

“I’m glad you had fun.” Jin had his arms wide open for Tae to crawl into and so he did. They lay there, younger still occasionally giggling until they were left in a comfortable silence. Then the elder spoke up.

“You know you can always come to me and ask for these types of things. You don’t have to be embarrassed tiger.

“Now I know hyung. Thanks.”

[dollywheeler]

September 29th, 1996

And I say hey-ey-ey-ey-ey, hey-ey-ey I said "hey, what's going on?"

I've had this song stuck in my head all morning, still dancing along to it as if I'm still in the gymnasium, my gold dress swirling around me. I don't know why this song - it's not particularly romantic, or fitting to the occasion, doesn't sum up how the evening had felt. Yet, it had been the most magical moment of the entire night.

One moment, dancing with Daniel to Duran Duran, then this song came on, the slow start meaning we didn't break apart yet, trying to stay close as long as possible, but when the chorus hit the entire hall threw their heads back, screaming along in a messy harmony. It felt like a dream, didn't feel quite real, like some kind of movie, when your heart feels full even though you're just watching it play out in front of you. Except, this time I was in the middle of it, screaming along with everyone else, and it felt like I was floating, wishing the moment could less forever.

That's not to say the rest of the evening wasn't just as wonderful. Daniel took me to an actual restaurant, which was a nice change of pace from the dinner, but I honestly can't tell if the food was even worth it. My stomach was too busy swirling with nerves, and I could barely get any food past my lips because we were too distracted talking and laughing. It was wonderful - he was wonderful, looking dapper in his suit and glinting golden in the candle light. As far as first dates go, I'm sure it couldn't have gone any better. Not that I'd know, as this was my first first date, but it felt like a dream, like something that couldn't possibly be real.

It was the perfect blend between familiar and exciting - the comfort of someone you already know, someone you already love spending time with, mixed with the nerve-wracking thrill of a new context, of possibility.

We were having such a great time that we were late to the actual dance, having lost track of time completely during our conversation. Whitney gave me this knowing look about it - I don't think she would have believed me if I'd told her we'd just been talking.

Anyway, we danced and we laughed and gossiped and I didn't even care that Mike and his 'party' or whatever was there. I'd already realised I'd have to get used to them being around the school in every facet - that includes chaperoning school events. The night was too perfect though, and I was not going to let anything darken my mood.

I did get to talk to Max though, and thank her for the birthday gift. She said she'd mostly just said 'yes' or 'no' to things Mike had picked out and it was no big deal but that she was glad I liked it. I also used the moment to ask about everything else - I realised that if Mike won't call to tell her things, I might as well ask someone else for intel. Apparently, Lucas and her still live in Chicago, and she works as a counselor at the blind school she went to after whatever happened had happened. Everyone is always so vague about the details, but I didn't want to ask her directly and force her to relive it. That's one thing that actually is none of my business anyway.

Erica is living with them while she is going to college - she got her Bachelor's last June but just started law school. I can't imagine moving in with Nancy while I'm in college. Don't get me wrong, Nancy's great, but it's college! You're supposed to go out on your own and become independent and stuff. I said as much to Max, but she just shrugged and smiled to herself. She said Erica was happier with them than she'd been at the dorms.

I didn't know how to go from there so I just asked about El. I knew she still visits Hawkins a lot, because opposite to the others, I see her around town sometimes. At Melvalds with Joyce or in the diner with Sheriff Hopper, or alone around the library in the center of town. But there's also stretches of time when I don't see her at all. According to Max she takes a bunch of classes at the community college, but also travels a lot - bouncing between Chicago and San Fran and New York. Max said that whenever Dustin or Jonathan and Nancy have to travel for work, she usually tags along too. I don't know why or how she does all of that, but it sounds like a dream. Yet, at the same time, I think I'd personally hate it.

She seemed happy enough though, and it's obvious she is happy. From across the room I could see that, as always, her smile was wide and her skin warm with a tan, her hair pinned back with clips that clashed with her new pink highlights. Most of the chaperones hadn't bothered dressing up, but she had clearly thought about her outfit, each item carefully picked out to form a particular look, even if it was just jeans and a colorful sweater.

I didn't want to outright ask about Mike or Will, mostly because I know what they're doing right now and asking about Mike felt too much like snooping. Max didn't seem like she was going to mention it on her own, and before I could make up my mind on whether I really wanted to know, Dylan came to drag me back to the dance floor.

It was only after we were taking another break some time later that I realised I still didn't know what Dustin or Lucas are doing. I assume Dustin lives in San Fran, as that's the only reason El would go there as often as Chicago or New York, but I don't know what he does there. Probably some kind of tech company or whatever. And I'm pretty sure I heard Mrs. Sinclair talk about Lucas following in his father's footsteps but honestly I don't even know what he does so that doesn't answer any questions.

Might be something to talk about on Friday to fill awkward silences.

Anyway the dance was amazing, and someone must have succeeded in smuggling in alcohol because there was a girl puking in one of the bathroom stalls before 9 pm. She was nice though, told me she liked my dress. Even that felt magical, despite her smudged make-up and loopy expression, the entire night like a daydream where I was floating on air and nothing could ever be wrong.

There was an after party at Selena's house - I swear kids of divorced parents are raising themselves because somehow their houses are always empty at the most opportune times - but Danny and I decided not to go. I didn't want to risk ruining what had been the perfect evening, and I knew I'd only get more tired and everyone else less sober. It also kept the evening quiet, just Daniel and I in the car as he drove me home, drunk on happiness and singing along to the radio. Last night, it seemed, for once, I hadn't cared about missing out. I still don't.

I mean - nothing could have topped Daniel dropping me off at home, getting out of the car along with me as if he didn't know what he was doing either but had seen a few movies, and walked me up to the front door. I knew dad would already be asleep, but mom would be sitting up in the sitting room like she'd done so many nights before, for so many years on end, waiting for her teenager to get home safe.

I had my jacket draped over my shoulders because it wasn't too cold yet and I liked the air against my arms after the crowded gymnasium. Daniel pretended to pull it tighter around me, only to use it as leverage to draw me closer and kiss me. It feels silly writing it down because there's nothing I can say to really describe it. No words that feel right or do it justice, that explain how I'm blushing all over again just thinking about it, my stomach swirling at the recollection.

All I know is that I wish I was still in that moment, still holding his face in my hand, gently scratching my nail over his cheek, submitting the feeling to memory. But I didn't mind when he pulled away, his face flushed and dark eyes shining in the porchlight, because I got to smile at him and he smiled back, blush deepening as he stepped away and muttered a goodnight, dimples digging into his cheeks where I'd held him.

I watched him go before getting back into the house, finding mom asleep on the couch. It was late for her, I realised, even though it was only a little before twelve, and considered the fact she hadn't had to stay up in a long time - not since Mike had left. I didn't want to wake her but knew I had to - if just to let her know I was home and she wouldn't wake up worried.

I still can't quite believe the night was real.

I really should get the reading done for tomorrow, but I don't want to stop thinking about yesterday. Or tomorrow, when I'll see Daniel again.

Love, Holly <3

[compassionatereminders]

I feel like a failure because atm I don't have a job and I have heard people in my apartment building also gossiping about me that I don't work (I live with my family) but I felt at my last job I would have a mental break down because I was pretty much bullied, and I couldn't complain to anyone since the boss was also just listening to people who were bullying me and making rumors about me. It was so unprofessional that I decided to quit. I was there 6 days per week and this bullying pretty much started right away maybe a month after I accepted the job. I know I made the right decision but I still hate being looked down om as lazy etc. I am looking for a job. Sometimes I still think how dumb I was because I also humiliated myself by crying in front of my old coworkers and to be honest I'm kinda scared whenever I will get a new job. I'm so scared this will happen again. I'm more of a quiet type and people usually "gang up" on me. When I never want to talk badly about anyone start drama etc. I become a target because I'm an introvert and I would rather do what I need to do at work than looking for fake friendships there & talk badly about others. Literally all except 2 coworkers were talking badly about others all the time. They made drama by lying to others as well like "she said this about you" and that person never said anything about that person... it was like kindergarten honestly. I did pretty much most work that older co-workers would have to do as well, then they would tell my boss I was too slow yet I worked my stuff + their stuff. English is not my 1st language so I hope I am making sense. I wonder if any of your followers ever have problems with bullying at work because they are introverts and what advice do they have. Also any good advice for someone who cries easily? I really hate that T-T

Do you have any advice?

I can't tell you anything about working, because I have no experience with that, but I can tell you that I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience at your last job and that you should be proud of respecting yourself enough to quit. You're not a failure because of OTHER people's bad behavior, and I'm sure you'll find another job. Also, as a disabled person who can't work at all, I just want to note that even IF you didn't/couldn't work a new job, that still wouldn't reflect badly on you as a person ❤️

[archiveoftara]

Hi. Uhh..lol I was wondering if I could get a request please for Lockwood and Co for Lockwood. One day, Lockwood and reader are having a lazy rainy day in the home library and Lockwood can’t keep his eyes off of the her and maybe he is having some kind of flashbacks/memories of how they met (maybe coffee shop or bookstore) and maybe their first encounter wasn’t the best first impression lol. Have a good day. (Also if you want maybe he also remember small details about her. Like she always has her hair down with a headband unless she is working then it’s up, she likes ice coffee instead of tea lol and loves wearing pastel/light colors).

My Angel

Note: Thank you so much for your request. I hope you're having a great day. I'm sorry for the delay. It was a challenge for me. I hope you enjoy this. Thank you so much again 💕

Word count: 1400

You used to call me on my cell phone

Late night when you're in my love ~~

I heard a soft humming sound coming from upstairs. George was at the archives and Lucy was out of town to see her family which is why the house is so quiet. It's a rare day at Portland Row, you may ask why. Because it's a day off. No cases, no rush, I got all the time in the world.

It's three in the afternoon. The soft sound of the rain and her song makes me feel like I'm in heaven..maybe I am in one, because I have been graced by an angel.

I made some tea for myself and coffee for (name). The sweet smell of earth and tea makes my heart flutter. What a perfect day to lay around and do nothing. I placed the cups on the tray, quickly grabbed some biscuits and made my way upstairs.

I found (name) in the library looking absolutely adorable. I knocked at the door before letting myself in.

"Anthony" she gasped.

"I got your coffee" I placed it on the small table, took a seat beside her.

"You're so sweet." She pouts. She savoured the coffee and went back to scribbling on her notepad.

I slowly sipped my tea and watched her getting lost in her world.

Precisely six months ago, I met (name) in the archives. You may say it was love at first fight.

………........................

I looked at the multiple shelves standing in front of me and looked back at the list George gave me.

"This will take forever" I muttered to myself.

After 15 mins of struggle, I finally found the contents of the list. I got all the books except this one at the bottom of the list. I quickly scanned the shelves, when I found the familiar name. It was right in the corner. I realised someone grabbed the book just before I could raise my hand.

I looked at the owner of the hand, and found a pretty girl with (your eye colour), standing beside me.

"Excuse me, I saw that first." I exclaimed.

"Awww that's too bad, it's in my hand now" she mocked me.

"You can't do that."

"Oh yes I can, it's a free country." With that she went away.

"How rude." I huffed.

When I went back to George I found the girl who practically snatched MY book sitting a few tables away from ours.

From the uniform I can tell she's from Fittes. I have a feeling I'm gonna see her again.

I finished a meeting with a client in a coffee shop, just a while ago when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked up and saw a scowl on the pretty girl's face.

"Oh hi 'rude girl from archives'". I gave a cheeky smile.

"That's my seat." She glared at me.

"Last time I checked it's a free country." I said and went back to my drink. She huffed and sat in front of me. She was drinking cold coffee. She wasn't in her Fittes uniform but in a pastel pink skirt and a white top. Her hair was down, a simple pink headband which reminds me of Barbie.

"I didn't know you're a creep. You looked like a decent person" she mumbled the last part while she scan me up and down.

"Are you checking me out? I would have been flattered but as it's from you, I feel disgusted." I scrunch my nose.

She chuckles, "says the person who's been staring at me like a creep."

"For your kind information, I come from a decent family. Hence, you're looking at a gentleman right now." I proudly smirked.

She laughed at me as if I said the dumbest joke. But weirdly her laugh gave me pleasure, a tiny butterfly in my stomach.

"Well, what's your name 'gentleman who comes from a decent family'?"

"Anthony Lockwood."

Her eyes widened for a moment before it went back to normal. "I heard a lot about you." I understood what she meant.

"And what's your name 'rude lady from archives'?"

"(Name) (last name). Nice to meet you"

At first we used to fight over the silliest things in the world. She drives me crazy. Whenever we run into each other, it turned into an argument and someone has to become the referee to seperate us.

"That's my book"

"That's my seat"

"That's my hand"

"Oh" I didn't realise I was holding her hand the whole time. I quickly put my hands in my pocket and looked around and found George glaring at me.

"Will you two have some respect at least for this place? This is a library, not a braying gallery for bellends."

"Sorry George" (name) mumbled looking at the floor.

"Sorry but she started first." I pointed at her.

"Oh, come on."

For instance, we were working together on a case, Lockwood and Co and the Fittes. How much I dislike Kipps and especially the fact he was always around (name) just boils up my blood for no reason.

"Seriously Lockwood? That's your best move?" (Name) mocks me.

"Save your breath darling and watch me how it gets done." I threw a salt bomb and slashed it with my rapier.

You might be wondering where the others are, actually no one knows we're at this abandoned building, fighting off ghosts. I followed a potential suspect to get some evidence to help me solve the case before the Fittes. Now that I think of it, it was a bad idea. I won't admit it out loud but I'm lucky (name) is here to help me or I would have been dead by now.

"LOCKWOOD RUN"

I felt an arm pulling me away from the building. We ran for a good while until I felt (name) slowing down her pace.

"Are you hurt?" I panicked.

"No, I normally spurt blood from my rib cage. Of course I'm hurt, dumbass" she coughed blood.

"Stay with me. I won't let anything happen to you." I held her face. She blushed.

"Anthony, that was nice but can we go to the hospital please?" She whispered.

After that incident, we became quite close. I noticed we had a lot of things in common, we both were stubborn but we both had a soft heart. She craved love and so did I.

I loved the way her eyes sparkle when she talks about her passion. I love how she puts her hair in a ponytail and furrows her brows when she's engrossed into something. I love how she scrunch her face when she's losing an argument. I could write a book on how much I love her.

"Lockwood?"

(Name) brought me back to earth. "Yeah?"

"What are you thinking?" She smiled.

"Nothing. Do you like the coffee?" I asked.

"I love it. Look I drew this and this too. What do you think about this one?" She said flipping through her notepad.

"I think this one looks great."

"I know right?"

I looked at her and couldn't stop myself from kissing her. She kissed me back tenderly. I love day offs.

*Bonus*

I loved the way her eyes sparkle when she talks about her passion. I love how she puts her hair in a ponytail and furrows her brows when she's engrossed into something. I love how she scrunch her face when she's losing an argument. I could write a book on how much I love her.

"Lockwood, if you're done telling the reader how much you're obsessed with me will you please come over here?" (Name) demanded.

"I was just telling them about our love story." I wrapped my arms around her.

"We may have started off the wrong foot but I'm glad I met him. Though he's really annoying sometimes" (name) sighed. I pouted.

"You're lucky I love you." She smiled.

"Yes I am. I got my angel."

The end

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME! once again, i am behind. four-episode update 💀monday we watched ds9's "visionary" and voy's "emanations," and last night we caught voy's "prime factors" and "state of flux" which was a banger of a fucking evening tbqh.

visionary (ds9):

HEADLINE: ONCE AGAIN, O'BRIEN SUFFERS! he's become so dear to me that i get really distressed when this happens, but also a little excited, because his reputation for suffering is like the only thing i knew about him even when he was just an extra in the tng pilot, and i like knowing what's up

actually, he did a lot of swooning this episode, which was really fun. very damsel of him.

side bar kira gets so quiet when they're dealing with people she doesn't like. it's almost like sisko told her "fi you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" and so she shuts it to avoid undermining him (whom she likes and respects) in front of people like romulans or cardassians, whomst noses she would be happy to break.

i DO like that she got to get mad later, though. ESPECIALLY mad when they insinuated that odo had feelings for her. odo agreeing that this was absolutely ridiculous totally made my night. liar liar <3

back to the a-plot, obrien and julian having moved onto darts after wringing every last bit of joy out of racketball that they possibly could...this is so funny. julian is literally going through his wifeless year right there with him. he is such a good bro

which made it so distressing when obrien saw him in the future and was like BRO HOW COULD YOU LET ME DIE

julian's response of "i did everything i could to keep you alive for an hour" was very casual but i can just imagine him sweating bullets, deeply distressed. i'm sure it was a very long hour for him. i wish they had played it with a little more gravitas!

obrien seeing his own dead body TWICE was creepy. what's more horrific, OUR obrien basically kind of died. like, future obrien is a slightly different version of him. the obrien we've known since tng is dead and he never got to say goodbye to his family. like green shirt and black shirt john. i think i spent fifteen minutes of the next episode (which was about death, hilariously) going "OBRIEN JUST DIED? HE JUST DIED??" he even said he felt like it wasn't his life...........

monday was literally existential dread night. we brought up the mood after this with...

emanations (voy):

this episode was a pretty thoughtful look at te nature of death and what happens if you fuck up a culture whose belief in the afterlife is unshakable by shaking it up. that said, absolutely none of this is up my alley. GOOD for harry kim though. or um bad for him depending where you fall on that

i liked chakotay's story at the beginning about accidentally desecrating someone's grave. i was afraid they were having him be ultracautious about the dead bodies because they were being racist like oh he's aware because native americans are so Spiritual but he literally just picked up a rock once and felt bad about it. could happen to anyone. bullet tentatively dodged.

i have been referring to harry kim as chekov with brain cells but i think in this episode he lost the brain cell for a little while. he very much violated the prime directive with every word. dude, don't tell them you came from the asteroid with the dead bodies!

that said, i am no less fond of him - it was very compassionate to offer that guy a way out and VERY brave to get back into the death pod wearing the death shroud

it is crazy also that this place was in a whole other fucking dimension. this could easily have been a planet.

janeway & co waking that alien lady up and her finding out the afterlife is not real and that she still has to die anyway was really horrible and fucked up. like, they didn't even need to do that to get harry back. he got it on his own. they just tortured her for nothing <3

janeway at the end like i wanna give you time to reflect on what happened harry kim :) and harry kim is like yeah i should do that :) and theyre like yeah the afterlife might be real after all bc of the energy around this planet :) not my ass. there's not even a therapist on board. i would be back to work as QUICK as possible. who wants to reflect on getting into the death pod!!!

prime factors (voy):

HOLY SHIT.

here is the thing. if you let it, this episode will FUCKING take you places

wait wait let me go back and remark on some little details before i get into it. firstly, tom paris needs to stop trying to get harry laid. he'll cheat on his gf if and when hes ready and considering the extenuating circumstances we can't get mad at him bc for all he knows his gf thinks hes dead and has begin moving on too

also, smart of them to bring seska in for this episode when next episode she. you know. bc she's had such small parts so far that otherwise i'd be wondering who tf this even is. and she is HERE to cause problems on purpose! she's such a bad fucking influence i was absolutely aghast. more on this in the next episode but it's a wonderful way to show the maquis guys, who, lest we forget, FUCKING HATE STARFLEET, didn't all automatically hop on the starfleet bandwagon just because they're all stuck out here together.

i think janeway could have pulled a captain kirk in this episode ie fucked and sucked her way to victory. i mean, i'm glad she didn't have to bc that guy was SO skeezy, but she COULD have and it wouldn't have felt the way deanna's victimization in tng felt, it would have felt like kirk's close encounters in tos.

harry kim discovering the transport technology by accident when he's about to finally cheat onm his gf with some hot alien lady...poor harry. he has the worst luck recently.

and of course now we get to the big thing. the tech. the Big ethical dilemma. i LOVE that they quoted the prime directive here - like yes, of course it sucks for the aliens! it's also true what harry said that it still does more good than harm, but there has to be nuance involved...i still think it's stupid to let an entire culture die rather than save them, etc

you know, and i was sitting there like. falling out with this episode, is the thing. i was sitting there going jesus christ why is everyone being so STUPID why are they disobeying orders why aren't they thinking straight. especially after the huge plot twist of tuvok being the one willing to take one for the team, so to speak, and do the illegal dealings so he could save janeway's morality (WHICH: HELLO??? WHY DO THAT IF NOT FOR THAT FORBIDDEN EMOTION: FRIENDSHIP). like just wait to test the damn thing! tuvok is on his way to janeway RIGHT NOW!

but they're desperate. they're desperate and scared shitless and of COURSE it is making them stupid. they almost KILLED EVERYONE because they weren't being smart because THEY WANTED TO GO HOME. like, the scene in janeway's office at the end totally saved all of this for me. you can see on b'elanna's face so clearly she is facing her sins in the cold light of day and having the SAME THOUGHT PROCSS which is "how could i have possibly been so FUCKING stupid"

oh my god. i rewatched it twice. JANEWAY. did we know kate mulgrew could ACT? she was so emotional but still holding it together because SHE IS THE CAPTAIN. her whispered "dismissed" at b'elanna after she GAVE B'ELANNA A CHANCE. i would have sunk right through the floor. and her speech to tuvok!!! "you can use logic to justify anything that is its power and its flaw" LIKE HOLY SHIT GIRL. SAY IT, OUT LOUD!

sorry ik hes married but i also know hes gotta do pon farr eventually he and janeway could get it. like they could literally get it just as buds like one time. "we have forged this relationship over years and i depend on it" SHE LITERALLY DOES DEPEND ON IT! like, that was easily, EASILY the finest acting we have seen in this series so far. that scene CRACKLED. it was incredible. it took an episode i was losing faith in and flipped it around to one of my favorites. 10/10

state of flux (voy):

this one wasn't as good as the previous one but it was still pretty fucking good.

the mystery was really entertaining in this one and kept me guessing until the end. i kept going "no it's too EASY if it's seska" and then seska would trick me and everyone else into thinking she had plausible reasons for x suspicious fact and i would go SEE she's just complex! but she got me. and in hindsight it's SO obvious, and especially compared to lt carey who was a dick at first but fell in line and is working on his redemption arc or whatever. it wouldn't make sense narratively to send him back

chakotay refusing to take even ONE MORE BITE of that soup he wanted so bad after he realized seska essentially stole it. punishing himself ALONG WITH everyone else for the infraction. seska is such a good way to illustrate the tensions between starfleet and the maquis, even out here, and chakotay is in SUCH a rough position, having to both protect his own people AND keep them in line AND protect them BY keeping them in line. he and janeway both want the crew to be completely integrated but it's just not that easyyyy i love the complexity of it all

i feel like i recognized the filming locations in this one...yeah, all caves look alike but it looks so much like that valley outside the holo-city from ds9 and the save reminded me of that tng ep where picard and crusher got mind-linked

janeway was a sucker to let those kazon get that close. like of COURSE they kill the guy after the entire ship bled to save his life. but she's a well-meaning sucker. classic starfleet move

i also love chakotay's little crisis at the end. like, bro, am i that easy to trick? he is trying so hard and everything continues to fall apart around him!!! he hates cardassians and he was fucking one! dude is living in a nightmare scenario.

i hope we see seska again - they wrote her out when she just now got interesting. problems on purpose.

crack headcanon for a second there was maybe she was that woman they thought kira was in that one cardassian kira episode. that would have been way more interesting than her being cardassian on purpose, actually

TONIGHT: ds9's "distant voices" and "through the looking glass."

[wonderland-smile-stories]

~ Chapter 8. 03 ~

I apologize in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes and how poorly written this fanfic is. English is not my first language and together with my dyslexia ass things can go wrong I'm sorry.

I hugged my knees closer to my chest trying to get more warmth. This place is getting colder by the day. Then again I'm here in a dress and shirt with holes in them.

It's really time to get new clothes. Every time I think about it something happens. I can ask someone for something when everything has calmed down a bit.

Just an hour ago Miss An had told everyone that she was infected. Nobody had noticed anything until she said something.

She locked herself in the backroom even though everyone said she didn't need to. I guess she felt bad that they had locked Hyun-su in it because she said sorry to him about everything.

I couldn't take seeing the pain in both their eyes so I came here. It was just some empty closet in a hallway away from everyone.

It was in the same place I last was before everything happened to Ji-su. But now I was in the closet. I don't know why, but I felt safe here.

Maybe it was because I used to hide in closets like this in the orphanage and was safe from everyone.

I wonder if everyone is dead there. I'm not sorry for Miss Ward, Drew, or those other teenagers. They deserved it after everything they had done, but those kids, Miles.

I hope they are okay.

Something inside of me is telling me that they are dead. Maybe that's better. They don't need to suffer in this then.

"There you are."

I looked up from my knees when I heard Hyun-su.

I hadn't closed the door so he could easily see me. He crouches down in front of me studying my face.

"Are you okay?"

Out of instinct, I wanted to say that everything was fine and that nothing was wrong, but for the first time I felt like I could just say no.

I shook my head.

"No," I croak out before wiping my nose.

"I haven't been okay in a while. In fact, I haven't been okay my whole life." I didn't want to dump this on him, but it felt right to say this to him.

Without saying anything Hyun-su climbed inside the closet with me before closing the door. It was dark inside, but he turned on his phone giving us some more light.

"I'm sorry you're feeling like this." I nodded before leaning my head against the wall.

"I don't want to burden you with this. I know you had a rough past as well." I mutter out looking at the closet door in front of me.

"Me standing on that edge really gave it away huh?" I let out a little laugh before looking back at him.

"Yeah, but that wasn't the only reason I knew." A confused look came to his face.

Without saying something I grabbed his arm before pulling up his sleeve revealing the red raised skin on it.

"This was also one of the reasons. Someone who did this must have been in great pain to do it." My fingers trace the red lines softly barely touching them.

I was afraid I would hurt him, but I know that they don't hurt anymore only the memory hurts of the event.

"I guess that's something else that we have in common." I feel Hyun-su look up at me from his arm.

Letting go of his I pulled back my sleeve revealing my bare arm. I held it against his and heard him suck in his breath.

Some lines were faithed others were smaller. But the big one across my wrist was the one that stood out the most.

I can't take all the credit for the scars on my arm. Miss Ward and the others were Co-creators of them. Not only cuts but burn marks from mostly cigarettes were also still visible.

"The doctors told me that if I would have cut straight across my arm like you I would be dead in a minute with the dept I had, but I guess I didn't think about that." With shaky hands, Hyun-su grabbed my arm.

It was weird seeing him like this. It looked like it was the first time he had seen a cut on an arm. Yes, maybe there were more on mine, but his was worse.

"I.....I thought you said you took pills too..." He looked up from my arm and I could see pain in his eyes.

Not from himself, but for me.

It seemed like he was in pain to see me like this.

"You aren't the only one who tried to kill yourself twice." I gave him a small smile before wiping away a tear running down my cheek.

"These are only the bad ones the others have already been fading over the years," I explain tracing a light pink scar.

"Others?" I hear him croak out.

If he only knew.

Maybe he should.

Although the closet wasn't big it had enough room to stand in and move around, so standing up I began to pull at my clothes. My dress was already ripped from all the monsters, together with the long-sleeved shirt I was wearing.

"I grew up in an orphanage that is run by an awful woman who found pleasure in hurting the kids for nothing," I explain while ripping the fabric apart.

"She could turn everything into a torture weapon if she wanted to and nobody was safe from her if the torture didn't satisfy her she would lock you up in a hole for as long as she wanted." I really wanted these clothes off. It felt like they were burning my skin.

"I tried to fight her back a lot of times, but that just gave me more scars. Those innocent kids didn't deserve that. They already lost a family and now they had to live a life there in pain and misery. I try to help as many as I could, but I can only fight back so much." I could feel more tears run down my cheek.

"Not only was it that woman, but some awful kids as well who love to torture. There was this one guy that just loved to take advantage of me trying to protect the other kids. He knew I would do anything to keep them safe. He played it to his advantage. He would do things to me that I feel so ashamed of." I felt Hyun-su stand up, but of what I just said I was too ashamed to look at him.

I hoped he didn't think of me differently, but I couldn't just not tell him that part. It belongs to the story, my story.

"If I could go back I would fight back harder, but who knows what would have happened."

By now the dress and shirt were in pieces on the floor. If it was someone else I would be ashamed and won't do this at all, but with Hyun-su I felt safe to show him not only my body but the scars as well.

I wasn't completely naked. I was wearing a bra together with underwear and black bike shorts. The whole time Hyun-su looked at me without saying a thing.

Maybe he's afraid and thinks that I have finally snapped. With the light on Hyun-su's phone, you could faintly see the scars on my arms and stomach, but I wanted him to see everything.

I turned around and clicked on the light switch that was in the closet. I knew that my back was the worst of it all. I can't count how many times I have been forced on my stomach while they went ham on my back with belts, sticks, hot iron, cigarettes, and anything else they could think of.

They were smart they knew my back was less likely to be seen by other people and even then nobody would care enough for it to report anything.

I suck in some air when I felt Hyun-su's fingers softly tracing the scars. It was so light and gentle that it honestly felt like feathers of a wing were brushing over the raised red skin. The feeling was strange and felt foreign to me.

After a few seconds, I felt some more movement behind me before something soft was placed on my shoulders. I looked down and saw Hyun-su's sweater.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. You didn't deserve to be treated that way."

I slowly turn around to look at him. There were so many emotions in his eyes.

"Those kids were so lucky they had you. No matter what you protected them without hesitation. They weren't even your family and you stood by them no matter what." I could hear the pain in his voice when he said that last sentence.

"I wish I had someone like that." A tear ran down his cheek. My hand went up wiping it away before caressing his cheek with my thumb.

"You have now," I whisper giving him a small smile.

Without saying anything he pulled me to his body wrapping his arms tightly around me.

That's how we stayed for a while. In that closet, that was in a rundown building where the outside was a mess filled with monsters and madness, but here and now it was just us two in each other's embrace far from it all.

Previous Chapter ~ Next Chapter

———————————————————

I love soft moments like this ^^, but this isn’t a soft fanfic, and things are going to hit the fan real quick in the next few chapters.

[fentitrbl]

Tell Me You Love Me

“I don’t regret telling you how much I loved you.”

Word Count: 1,861

Chapter Three

Jasmine

July, 17th 2018

9:00 AM

It's been two weeks since I went to the bookstore with Lily and came across that man Harry. For some reason I can't stop thinking about him, I know it may seem too fast to fall for someone and I know I need to protect myself but he's irresistible. His eyes, smile, laugh, and even that funny coat he had on have remained in my head. I tried to act like he was just another random guy but something about him has stuck with me.

I hate to be writing this in my journal but it's the only way I can admit I think about him without admitting it out loud to Lily. We both know if I did that she would be boastful that she was right and I was wrong. The hopeless romantic in me is wanting to see him again but the realistic part of me feels like that might be asking for too much. I guess we will see.

I set my notebook on my desk in my room and prepared for my workday. As I sipped on the last serving of my daily morning green tea, I look out my window and watched as some people walked by with their dogs. I also couldn't help but admire the sky as well.

I have felt more in tune with nature nowadays; there is something special about the earth. I am always grateful to have a flat with a beautiful view of the sky and buildings below it. I closed my blinds and tied up my hair to hop into the shower. Walking into the bathroom, I started the shower and stripped my pajamas. I closed my eyes as the warm water hit my body and wondered what kind of workday I would have today.

Walking out of my room fully dressed, I finished tying my scrubs and put my hair into a tight ponytail. Finally, I gave myself one last look in the mirror before I grabbed my keys and head out to the clinic.

Once I arrived, I greeted the front desk receptionist Shelby with a smile before I headed to the back to put my things away. The clinic I worked at is a private office for adults and families so I see all kinds of patients throughout the day. Luckily, I have only worked with adults and not children since I fear they would remind me of my own siblings.

I proceeded to sit down at the computer in the back office alongside Lily who had gotten to the office earlier than me. "So how has today been so far?" I asked her. She turns in her chair and says, "Honestly nothing but a bunch of people coming in with boo boo's that they could've fixed at home with band-aids and some ointment." I chuckled quietly and quickly got quiet as our co-worker walked by.

Once we saw her pass, Lily spoke up, "I really don't like that girl's vibe, she's always glaring at us like we spit in her cereal." I responded, "She isn't the nicest, she has never been nice to me."

Ever since I started working here there has been this girl named Emma who for some reason never seems to have a smile on her face, especially when me and Lily are on the same shift. Though I don't let her get to me because she isn't a threat to me. Lily on the other hand doesn't like her at all and will express it however many times she needs to get it across.

I logged into my computer and opened up today's notes for work. Shelby comes back to our desk with a chart. "Hey, I have a chart ready for you." I grabbed the chart and thanked her. I set it aside and proceeded to walk to the sink area to wash my hands. For some reason, clinics in London don't have sinks in some of the rooms so it can be tedious having to wash up before going in and wash up without touching anything coming out.

As I walked back to grab the chart, I looked outside the door for the green tab that was sticking out on the outside frame of the door letting me know that the patient was ready to be seen. Luckily, our doctor in the office trusted us to do visits without him as long as it isn't a severe case so this should be quick.

Walking into the room, I introduced myself while looking at the chart without looking up. "Hello, my name is Jasmine I will be taking care of you today."

As I looked up, I immediately recognized the face hiding underneath a pair of glasses and a pullover hoodie. He had books in his hands and a few notes. He pulled his glasses onto his hair and smiled.

"Jasmine, like bookstore Jasmine?" he said. I sat down in the opposing chair and got comfortable, "Harry? what are you doing here?" I said. He cheekily put down his belongings in the chair next to him and pointed toward his ankle. "I uh might've hurt my ankle." I watched as he began to pull up his pants leg to show me.

Before I could say anything, he spoke again, "I hope it's not too bad.. are you a doctor here or?" I took a look at his ankle and said, "I am a nursing assistant here but the doctor rarely does cases that are mild."

"I prefer you over the doctor anyway," he said cheekily but that quickly changed as he then winced and tried to reposition his leg. I put on some gloves and cleared my throat as I got ready to inspect his ankle. "So, you wanna tell me what happened?" I said trying not to become nervous. I looked up at him and he had a red face as if he was embarrassed to say.

"I do need to know what happened Harry if you want me to help." I laughed. He then took a sigh and spoke quietly, "I rolled my ankle trying to jump out of a window." I tried my best not to laugh out of professionalism but he picked up how hard I was trying. "I know you are probably thinking, what the hell is wrong with this guy but I have an explanation." I took my gloves off and threw them away before sitting back down giving him my full attention.

"Go ahead," I said with a smile. "Okay so, I was drunk and my friends dared me to do a starting run and jump out the window last night and no, it wasn't a far fall it was one story but as I was running, I stepped on a sheet of paper and slipped." He then turned to his belongings and held up a singular piece of paper, "You can blame this." He said laughing. I couldn't help but laugh at him, "Harry next time let's not try to jump out of windows because our friends tell us to." I said. "Luckily it is rolled and not broken, so I am going to wrap up your ankle and give you some ice."

He then said, "I felt like it was just sprained but I wanted to be sure." I walked to the mini fridge we had in the room and took out a prepackaged ice pack as well as some wrap from the cabinet above it.

"Well, I am glad you care about your health enough to come in and double-check," I said, wrapping up his foot with aid wrap. He then said, "And I am glad you aren't judging my toes." He laughed. I threw him a look, "I definitely was looking at your toes and I'm surprised they are well taken care of." He then let out the biggest laugh yet.

As he slid on his sock and boot, I proceeded to give him instructions, "okay Harry, make sure to ice your ankle 10 minutes on, 20 minutes off, and alternate. Keep your ankle wrapped for the next couple of days, and absolutely no more breaking out in drunk sprints to do crazy flips." He looked up at me like a child being shunned, "Yes, ma'am," he said. He started to slowly get up as I reached for the door and opened it for him he turned to me and said, "Hey, I don't know if this is weird or not but would you like to maybe go and get some lunch one day?."

I looked up at him in utter shock, "I work all week until 5 but maybe this weekend?" I said and I was even more shocked at my sudden confidence.

I pulled out my phone quickly and said, "What's your number?"

I saw his cheeks become a little pink again but this time it looked like he was blushing.

He politely reached for my phone, "I'll type it in for you." He said with a huge smile.

I then watched as he quickly typed in his number and let me put it away so I wouldn't get scolded by my co-workers.

Nothing else was said while we walked past my co-workers until we got closer to the front of the office.

"Next time I need help I'll make sure to come back to you." He spoke as we walked together towards the back office door leading to the waiting room.

I felt my heart jump in my chest when he said that but I kept my cool.

"I'll be here," I replied.

He smiled gently at me and hobbled his way out, thanking Shelby on the way, and left.

I didn't even realize it until I headed back to the room to sanitize and get it ready for the next patient that I had been holding in a huge breath. I let out a huge sigh as well as a huge smile I was waiting to release.

Something about Harry made me feel alive. Especially after our interaction today, he made me feel excited, and intrigued. He brightened my day and he didn’t even know it.

I couldn’t help but think about what was to come next and if I’d learn more about him then what he’s leading on.

BABES WTF WAS HARRY DOING AT HIS BIG AGE TRYING TO DO BACKFLIPS OUT OF A WINDOW and why tf was Jasmine so calm and cool in front of him but losing her shit once he left... she is a simp. AND this Harry is so slickkk and smooth it's almost like he's done this before????? ALSO, Jas lowkey manifesting him in the morning and him showing up?? ANYWAY, I hope you guys enjoyed this one, I literally was in the shower thinking of that one time Harry hurt himself and jumped out of a window on shrooms... if you know you know. So I thought why not make a hefty chapter mentioning that. I am having so much fun with this story and I hope you are having fun reading it.

Love you guys!

[deliciouskeys]

@cozycornerkinktober’s prompt #2: Gloves

America’s Sweetheart (Homelander solo with a soupçon of Starlander)

Warnings: rated soft E or hard M. Cross-dressing elements.  HL pov and all that comes with that. Short. AO3 link.

Homelander can't understand a lot of things about Starlight. For someone who made her way into Vought’s top echelon of supes, she's still oddly attached to her unremarkable birth name (Maeve never insisted he call her Maggie, and The Deep and A-Train only use theirs for signing contracts). She was inexplicably dating a limp noodle of a man who was a mudperson. Homelander would have understood if it was someone with political clout or money, but Hugh had none of those things. And she periodically felt the need to speak out on camera about things that made everyone uncomfortable. In some ways, Homelander wonders if it was her infuriating behavior during rehearsals that inspired him into his own public tirade. Did she think she was the only one who could speak off the cuff?

Given all of these things, her rejection of the sexier improved uniform the Vought team attempted to update for her shouldn't surprise him. His new co-captain seems determined to wear that dowdy, prim little skirt-and-cape ensemble. Shoulder covered. No cleavage, no thigh high boots. He’s surprised she didn’t insist on a skirt that would cover her knees and go with a full Amish bonnet instead of a headband.

When he intrudes into her room to discuss his vision for the finale of Vought’s Next Top Superhero, he paces around idly, stopping in front of her closet and scanning through it. He’s pleased to discover that she never bothered to return her uniforms. Six identical outfits Vought manufactured for her that she snobbily rejected after a brief run were still hanging up, side by side, in the back of her closet. 

“Why won’t you wear this version?” he asks as he shoves the door open and pulls out the uniform that also has accessories on the hanger.

“Because it’s uncomfortable and obscene,” she says brusquely.

“What’s obscene is you wearing jeans and a t-shirt while you’re on the clock. It’s fucking unprofessional.”

“I’m in my own room!” She was already exasperated with him before, but is clearly even more on edge now. Maybe because she can guess that during his scan he also saw her vibrator stashed away in her underwear drawer. He did enjoy the brief mental image it gave him, but there’s no reason for him to bring it up and give her a hard time. If he really wanted to, he could listen for the buzzing sound at night and look through walls and floors to perv on her. But he’s not that obsessed with her.

“Your room is in Vought Tower, and 10 am is work hours by any definition, even a New Yorker's. So pull yourself together. Wear your old maid uniform, at least, if you can’t force yourself to wear this sexy one.”

“Sorry I can’t be like you and live in my suit 24/7. But I’d like to see you wear that thing and then tell me you’d want to spend time in it.”

Homelander’s mind feels like it shorts out and goes blank for a moment.

~~~

He brings the uniform he pulled out back to his own room. Starlight has no intention of wearing it or at least she didn’t voice any protest when he took it with him. He has no interest in the white and gold shapewear that might as well be a swimsuit and throws it on the bed, but he’s itching to touch the gold gloves and thigh-high boots. He remembers when he touched her gloves for the first time, holding hands as they walked down the red carpet after Translucent’s funeral. He was drawn to do it again down in the tunnels, patronizing her, grabbing her wrists as he told her to kill off her lowly on-again off-again boytoy. But he was touching them through his own thick gloves. It wasn't until assaulting her in the elevator that he really lost his mind over the way they felt as he snaked his hand down her body while she raised her arms up to protect herself.

Now he strips down with eagerness that surprises himself, and fucking moans when he touches her gloves with his bare hands. He tries to pull one of them on but to no avail. They’re small and tailored for thinner arms than his– and he’s so bad at estimating his own body size under the foam padding that he fully expected them to be able to stretch and fit. He can’t quite fit his feet into the boots either, even with the leg is unzipped all the way down to the ankle. All he can do is push his feet in as far as they will go, not quite able to fit his arch in, heel hanging over the edge.

This won’t do. 

~~~

When Homelander orders only the accessory pieces to Starlight’s deprecated uniform, but in a bigger size, the people in the costuming department look at him uncertainly.

“Is she wearing it again?” they ask, as if it's any of their business. “We weren’t aware her size changed.”

Homelander sighs at having to explain himself. “It’s not... for her. It’s for a different woman. Who’s a bit larger.” He realizes his tone sounds strange as he’s trying to come up with a good lie for why he needs this. “Can you just make them larger?”

“But sir, no one else is allowed to wear Starlight’s uniform, even the old version. It’s copyrighted…” the man with a ‘Steve’ nametag begins to stammer.

“Oh for crying out loud, this isn’t for wearing outside. It will only be worn behind closed doors, I promise you. And I trust I can ask to keep this discreet?”

The people behind the counter look at each other nervously, but smile appeasingly and nod and promise to deliver something for him in the next few weeks… days!, they quickly correct themselves when they see the irritation on his face at the long timeline.

~~~

He finds the package is delivered right to his door. Maybe the department downstairs were intimidated by him and dropped it off to avoid a conversation. Homelander thinks they’re being ridiculous. He’s given them no trouble, asked for no modification of his own suits– he’s requested very few changes since 1999. When he opens the box and unwraps the white tissue paper providing cushioning around the gloves and boots, he forgets all of his annoyance at them. The gloves are just like Starlight’s originals, not a knockoff material as he feared they might resort to if they no longer had the old one in stock. They’re thin and silky to the touch— and not very protective at all compared to his thick pleather ones. He strips down and tries to pull one of them on. It’s still a tight squeeze but he manages to get his hand into the glove, just a little too small. He can't really complain when he didn’t give them any exact specs. He pulls on the other glove too. They feel insanely good, smooth, lightweight, and he loves the feeling of them stretched all the way up to the middle of his upper arms. He sits on his bed and just rubs them up and down his own torso, touching his nipples, and running a hand down from his breastbone, past his navel and to his crotch. Its only takes a few strokes of his cock with the silky texture to get him hard. 

He pauses before riling himself up any further, and puts on the boots. They're also tight, but this time he can push his foot in and even zip up all the way up to mid-thigh. He walks to the mirror to really admire this, finding walking in heels unfamiliar but loving the extra height. He gets harder when he sees his pale, thin torso surrounded by gold-wrapped arms and legs. He's usually vaguely disgusted by seeing himself nude. His brain is used to the suit, and when it’s not hiding his deficiencies he looks bony, skinny, pathetic, as weak as he's afraid to be. But in this getup he enjoys being on the lean side. He keeps rubbing his hands up and down his torso, twisting and turning in front of the mirror, cupping his ass, shifting his weight from one leg to the other coyly, jutting his hips, even crouching down and doing an obscene spread of his legs. These gloves and boots are much more fun than his own, he is loath to admit.

Starlight’s an idiot. She had the best uniform in the Seven, if she had had any clue how to work it. She doesn’t seem to understand that part of her job being America’s Sweetheart on the Seven is having strong sex appeal, even if she’s marketed to be a little demure and provincial.

His cock is aching to be touched again, and he obliges, watching his motions in his reflection, coming with a groan all too quickly, and spraying the mirror’s surface despite standing more than a foot away.

[theloverscardtarot]

What Kind of a Man is Evan?

The Devil: This can be someone that is co-dependant, highly sexual, charming, a bit unsettling. This could be touching on his past issues with addiction as well. His voice is likely to be deep and smooth and draws you in, makes you hang on every word. His eyes are intense and captivating (!!). His handshake is firm (and veiny) and warm. His scent could be strong and spicy. He may make your heart beat fast and makes you feel like he draws you into his web. He tempts you and makes you feel desire for him. But, he may know how to manipulate you. Smooth talker. Tells you what you want to bear. Well, I don't know about you ladies, should we feel scared or turned on? Little bit of both, I guess. 🫠

Queen of Cups/Pents (fell together): A nurturing and loving person. Creates a calm and safe environment. He is also highly empathetic (I have always felt that about him!). Friends and family can go to him for emotional support. He is emotionally mature. Traits may be soft spoken, expressive eyes, smells like vanilla (people have said this) and a warm touch. He is capable of being very understanding and non judgemental. He may be resourceful, which I have always thought because of his personal touches to his roles. Highly intelligent. Kind and looks after the well being of others. I mean based on fan encounters this is pretty accurate.

Strength and Ace of Cups Side (fell together) Strength (U): Quiet and compassionate demeanor. Resilience and courage. "Someone that doesn't need to shout to be heard, nor has to resort to aggression to assert himself". Our non-confrontational Evvie! He is someone that listens more than he speaks and reacts with empathy and compassion. His touch is warm and he envokes a sense of safety. (R) Someone who can be impulsive, insecure or struggling with inner turmoil. Will either explode with aggression or retreat into himself. He may at times be emotionally inconsistent and may shut down completely.

Ace of Cups (U): He can be emotionally open. An outpouring. Kind and makes you feel safe. "His hair may have a soft texture, reminiscent of waves on a shore." Welp! Has the ability to listen without judgement and speak with out pretense. Emotionally available. (R) Guarded, emotionally unavailable. He is someone that is hard to read. People around him might feel isolated, even though he is right there with him. May have emotional blockages or issues with vulnerability.

7 of Swords Side: Someone that may seem a bit cunning and elusive. Although he is not malevolent, he exudes an air of mystery and can leave people feeling a little disturbed. I feel like this goes with him saying people think he's weird. He may have a gaze that avoids prolonged eye contact. (Dude, we see this all the time.) He can read people and situations quickly and can adapt. Always one step ahead of you mentally. Not the kind to wear his heart on his sleeve. (R) May want to talk about his feelings if he is feeling remorseful about certain actions. He feels guilty for deceit or secrecy and can't hold it inside. He may make you feel like he's helping you lift your burdens. I feel like this means he wants you to be open, but doesn't always show you the same.

The Hermit: Introverted. Isolates himself, even when it's not healthy for him. Likes his alone time to reflect and recuperate. A homebody. (Old man Peters!)

9 of Swords: Someone who may be struggling with inner turmoil, anxiety or depression. He is like a stormy sea. Bouts of calm are rare, overrun with intense moments of emotional upheaval. A worrier, over-thinker, anxious. He may become detached or distant easily.

5 of Pents: The biggest thing here is that he is humble. He is most likely content with the things he has and doesn't dwell on material things he may be lacking. He sometimes fails to see that everything he needs is right in front of him. Maybe gets in his own head too much. May feel a bit isolated from other people, possibly if he doesn't click with them. It may be hard for him to feel like he fits in.

Chariot: I hate to say it, but right off the bat this could mean he is a bit authoritative. Maybe he thinks he is always right or that he knows all. (My husband is kinda like this so I just chuckled to myself). I feel like our Evvie could be very stubborn. Very set in his ways. Possibly has a daily routine. This also means that for the most part he has his shit together. Is taking the reigns in his life and is moving along with confidence. This may be more work related than love related haha.

3 of Wands & 6 of Swords (fell out together): I find it funny that both cards signify a journey, but one is alone and one has a companion. One is day and one has a moon. Both cards represent a journey of self reflection and personal healing. Sometimes we are on a journey with someone at our side forever or sometimes a short period of time. The wands represent looking ahead to your future with anticipation.

4 of Swords: Rest and recuperation. He may be in a period of his life that he is free of stress and upheaval. Even when he is emotionally balanced, he may require some alone time. He initiates this in a non threatening way. Meaning, he doesn't make his partner feel like he doesn't want to be around them, he just simply needs some time alone.

9 of Cups: A person that feels emotionally fulfilled and may attract luck and good fortune. He can make you feel like any situation can be handled. He is optimistic. His eyes may have a bit of a sparkle and his laugh is hearty. His skin may have a healthy glow and and he may smell like spiced vanilla.(!)

King of Wands: Someone who leads with example and this attracts people to him. He may give you advice, but then jumps in the trenches with you to guide you. Confident but not arrogant. Well-balanced and emotionally intelligent. He makes you feel like you can do anything with him by your side. He may make you feel empowered, respected and treats you as an equal.

Page of Pents, Temperance, 10 of swords all side, all together. (U) Eager to learn new things and set sturdy foundations. Open to new journeys and stays for the long haul. He is curious and absorbs information like a sponge. He makes you feel calm, understood and at peace. He may also struggle with depression. He might be a Debbie Downer at times and it can make the room feel heavy. He may fear he has hit rock bottom with certain aspects of his life. (R) He could be someone that is a bit emotionally stunted. Not very disciplined and can drop the ball on his potential at times. People around him might find it a struggle to watch this happen. He may be impatient or easily distracted. He could be prone to mood swings and erratic behavior. There can be an emotional imbalance. It also suggests he could be excessive and overindulgent in certain areas of his life (like addiction?). He may be starting to pick himself up out of devastating setbacks or defeat. He is cautious at first, almost as if testing the waters before he takes a full step forward. We have been kind of seeing that!

Phew! This was pretty accurate for what we actually know of him. What do you guys think? 🤔