#but also its legitimately so funny to just leave it as is

[whimsicaltwine]

Sausage: I can talk to animals, so I'm a vegetarian because to me, eating meat is very morally wrong it's killing a person for food

Lizzie: hello, welcome to animalia, where everyone is an animal. here's our butcher shop where we kill and eat chickens

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hii~ as you know its spooky month!! ;)

So i was thinking about a demon reader for the tadc cast

The reader looks like a stereotypical demon( horns ,hooves ,maybe a tail idk) BUT is chaotic good

I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Ty❤️

TADC cast x demon!reader !

gonna knock this request out real fast then go lay down; i feel all uehdoivnffvnelfnfv but i am still on that grind !!!!!!! (please dont be like me please work on trying to create a healthy work/life balance and take care of yourself) short segments for this one sorry anon :(

CAINE:

honestly he would occasionally make himself look like an angel to match with you; give himself a halo and wings and all that! loves your energy, i said it once and ill say it again, i think caine would love a chaotic reader who keeps him guessing! keep this man on his toes, hes into that, keeps things fun!

POMNI:

naturally a little put off at first but warms up to you. does she think you can be a little too much? yeah, sometimes... does she know you mean well? yeah, and she tries not to hold your way of doing things against you! sometimes you let her fidget with your tail if shes feeling nervous about something

RAGATHA:

"you may be a demon but you're the sweetest person i know!", does not miss a day where she says she loves you.. should you ever think badly of yourself and believe there was a reason you were made into a demon in this world, ragatha will immediately dismiss any bad idea you have about yourself

JAX:

SAY IT WITH ME NOW!!! ITS ADMINS FAVORITE JAX HC!!! if you have a tail hes gonna fidget with it!! bonus if it wags around, like in the tail haver reader in a previous post; this dude would find it cute too... thrives in your chaos, you two just bounce off each other... not uncommon for jax to do a little prank and you trying to correct what he messed with in the most.. well chaotic way.. probably ends with more people confused or annoyed, though

KINGER:

probably thinks youre a legitimate demon for a minute before realizing, oh wait no you arent youre just like. funky like that, digital world stuff. please try to tone down any chaotic activities around him, he is already freaking out enough as things are TToTT

ZOOBLE:

i think they would be similar to pomni, kind of put off by your energy but knows youre not a threat. plus they would rather hang out with you than half of the people here so hey, i guess you can say youre winning. thinks your horns are cool, regardless of what shape you as the reader imagine them to be. i think i also mentioned that zooble seems like the type to be into darker stuff and i think that would also tie in with supernatural stuff, and well, demons are supernatural, right? i mean youre not really a demon, but the appreciation is still there

GANGLE:

maybe this is self projection again, or maybe its because i think gangle would be an artist and this is just. a common artist trait, but they would think youre like. really pretty. thinks demons and monsters are cute, has definitely played a monster dating sim at some point before getting stuck in the digital world

not much else to say i just think this idea was a little funny for gangle.. i can kinda see zooble being a monster dating sim fan... maybe i just kin them both

[66sharkteeth]

WEEKLY THOUGHTS ON THIS WEEK'S EPISODE! Though tbh I think I covered a chunk of it last week-

This Claude arc has been some of the writing I'm most proud of in the entire comic, and I'm so happy other people are enjoying it too. Seeing Claude go from the series' punching bag to someone seemingly everyone's screaming over and pitying really feels like an accomplishment to me and I'm so glad even the people who don't love Claude are at least sympathizing with him (the vast majority anyway). Also shout out to Claude's leg for increasing my FP sales. I can't express enough how much my FP revenue's been impacted ever since the return. I got literally less than half of my usual income this month (when I needed it most lol) but the FP numbers *almost* returned to their old average this week, so thanks everyone who fast passed to see the fate of Claude's leg lol.

This is one of those episodes that was a long time coming and I have some kind of strong feelings about it. I've been planning to lop of his leg since high school, but I did admittedly start to get a pit in my stomach the closer it got. By the time these episodes publish, I'm usually over it and laughing to cope (see above), but I hope at least a few people were as disturbed as I was writing it. Which...I know sounds mean, but I really admire media that can get that feeling out of me (without going over the top and scarring me) and it's something I hope I can achieve too. Some of the most important pieces of media that influenced me growing up (FMA, some animations that inspired CoB, Paranoia Agent, etc), really gave me a gut-sinking level of disturbance as a kid, but boy I'm glad I saw them because they sure made an impact in a way that I think made me a stronger writer, and that's one of those things I hope I can achieve.

Anyway, to address a few points I'm seeing throughout the comments- 1. Jericho's reaction. I left it kind of vague on purpose. I have no comment on it and just leave you guys to speculate on how he will react or encourage you to FP to find out (sob please).

2. people legitimately criticizing joking about claude's leg. which is interesting to me. obv there's a lot of jokes and leg puns throughout the comments, and soooometimes I don't like that when a very serious episode's comment section is filled w/ nothing but jokes, buuut there are also enough real comments of concern and speculations and analysis of the ep that i really, really don't mind some leg jokes and puns, personally. like...as you can tell from the image above, even I'm not above making them. To the people who think it's actually fucked up for us to joke about this scene... I dunno. I personally laugh to cope, and I think a lot of other people are doing the same. I don't think anyone's literally going "LOL HE'S SO DEPRESSED HE MUTILATED HIMSELF," I think its just...funny leg puns to make a dark situation a little lighter. At least for the most part. I'm certainly not above joking about it, but as you'll see in the next episode, I'm also obviously taking it seriously and don't plan to make Claude such a butt of jokes now that he's reached this point. That would just be in bad taste. But... I think a leg pun here and there is still in line.

[lady-wildflower]

I'm... really not a fan of the bigeneration or the subsequent ending for 14.

Don't get me wrong, fun concept just... horribly executed for this show. The fuck? Completely undermined and overshadowed Ncuti's introduction as the Fifteenth Doctor, even in its visuals!

Like, most of my analysis is about 14, because most of the remaining episode was about 14!

Scene itself. Instead of being a direct continuation, with Ncuti being the unambiguous new Doctor, Ncuti fuckin... sprouts off of David? He's literally an offshoot. There's a narrative argument to be made that the Fifteenth Doctor isn't a direct continuation of the Doctor and that he's more akin to the Metacrisis Doctor. And the gag of them dividing clothes between them is funny, but Ncuti didn't get any major elements of David's costume! As a character transition, he did not become the main Doctor of the scene, and as the episode continued I kept having to remind myself that Ncuti was the new Doctor because he wasn't wearing the costume! They should have given Ncuti what David was wearing and vice versa!

And then the rest of the episode continued to treat 15 as something that had offshot from 14. The rest of the episode was about 14! 15 didn't even get his regeneration to be the star! It just does Ncuti Gatwa a massive disservice to muddle up the introduction of him as the Doctor this way. It's a fun concept, but it shouldn't have been kept in such an important part of the show in this form - do it as an expression of the Toymaker not understanding Time Lords and 15 points out that he can't fight just one part of the Doctor, and the Doctor brings all of him with, and have 14 reintegrate into 15 after the Toymaker's influence disappears, or something. Fifteen didn't even get anything to do that wasn't continuing 14's plan and 14 was the lead!

AND THEN!

If you're going to go with this, and have 14 be the Doctor who gets therapy and settles down.

WHY GIVE HIM A FUCKING COPY TARDIS?!

It's such blatant spinoff fuel! It undermines the entire purpose of that scene. If the 14th Doctor is a chronic adventurer who needs to settle down, why give him a goddamn adventure box?! It's like a story about an alcoholic recovering... but retiring to run a brewery, and that never being addressed.

Also: 14 existing opens up a huge can of worms. Is 15 even the legitimate continuation of the Doctor, as I mentioned before? Is either of them? Can 14 regenerate again, and as such will he inevitably have to leave the Temple-Nobles behind and revert to his old ways? And also, narratively, we've already done this for fuck's sake, we got Metacrisis Doctor settling down with Rose! If you want stories about the settling down Doctor, go read Tentoo/Rose fanfiction, at least that doesn't muddy up the base spine of the show! ALSO, why the fuck are we doing the Doctor therapy this way when the character who's supposed to be the main Doctor now, the Fifteenth Doctor is flying away and NOT getting therapy?

It's just so messy but it strikes me as a darling that should have been killed in the first draft.

[bonefall]

Mr Bones, what are your opinions on the blurb for the Ivypool Super Edition? I'm disappointed it's another travelling book myself and I'm nervous how they will depict the strange animals mentioned knowing the Erin's track record.

Much as I am known for my Hateposts, I am a Chronic Liker. I am not as hard to please as it may seem, I have VERY low standards.

You know what happens if we get "strange creatures?" BB gets some NEW MAGIC BEASTS

IDK ABOUT YOU BUT IM READY FOR MORE MAGIC BEAFTS.

Soooo keep in mind I have a bit of a bias. I am both an optimist and a scavenger. If there's a cool idea to play with im usually happy lmaoo

Assorted thoughts though;

I also don't like the idea of ANOTHER travel book. Come on man. We had two travel books in the main series, the new content in Riverstar's Hng was all travel, and now ANOTHER one??

Just nuke the lake already if you hate it so much. Why can't they write the battle cats battling or something.

VERY interested in "ancient sins" being corrected. Are we going to get the badger thing addressed??

Or the rats or raccoons SkyClan dealt with?

Or, hell, the beavers?

I'm willing to be a little charitable after the introduction of the Park Cats. I've spoken about how I dislike them as-are, BUT, also spoken about how they're a step in the right direction, y'know?

Park cats are a dissatisfying but GOOD thing. So I'll hear this out.

I'm pretty neutral-positive on Ivypool. I like when girls are mean.

I have no strong feelings on her having a thing with grief. I think it's a good idea and a good plot to explore.

Glad to see that Bristlefrost's death isn't all for the sake of Rootspring though I'll tell you that! So, again, charitability here.

Legitimately interested in what wild shit the new team is going to do with "Strange Creatures." I thought they were going to leave the weird non-cat entities in the transition like Fallout and talking deathclaws.

(And as a talking deathclaw liker...)

MIND YOU I think it will be awful. But if it's funny or interesting in its awfulness I'm game.

My wild hope is that the strange beasts are pine martens. I think that would be cool.

[faiseuse-d-histoires]

Penelope as LW NEVER RUINED AYONE`S LIVE!!! marina end up very well thansk to stupid daphne. Eloise is safe in her rich well looking shit family. its so funny that you are so moral about pen writting gossip about people but you are so in love with a couple WHO CHEAT ON THE WOMANS SISTER FOR GODS SAKE!!!! poor edwina find out in the wedding her sister ans groom were fucking. Kate actng all angsty about her sister but they go ans kiss and fuck that man. They are cheaters and you love them.

Keep telling yourself that. I feel you've been sending that ask to others as well, and perhaps others in my box. Sad, so very sad. In fact, like the show version of your favorite.

Once again, it was something that wasn't in the book. In the book, there is not that kind of love triangle, Edwina is all for Kanthony.

If i have to defend the show, I'd say Edwina and Anthony were not engaged because of love, they chose each other because they thought they'd be a good match. Feelings weren't truly involved. Edwina feeling betrayed is legitimate, but her feelings are more based on a fairy tale she wants to live and that could go with any other gentle man than love for Anthony.

Love can happen, and well, Kate and Anthony kissed and made love, and that was something they could not control. It was never to hurt Edwina, and they wanted to keep her happy with what she wanted. But sometimes, feelings are stronger than duty, and Edwina saw with that look they shared both were in love. I think she was angrier at not knowing it and being kept blind, and not because she was in love with Anthony.

Cheating before a wedding of convenience and spreading secrets for what is convenient for one's gains are absolutely not on the same level. The first is private, the latter is public, and has thus more important consequences.

Kate was ready to leave if Edwina could have that fairy tale, even when she knew she loved Anthony. She wanted the best for her sister..Did Penelope step back so that Marina could have a life with a man of her choosing? No, she went all "I've raised you high, but now I'm going to dig your grave so that you won't have Colin".

But I see you wanted Marina to be miserable, as you added "thanks to stupid Daphne". Like "how dare she try to take Colin, when Penelope has a crush on him!" News flash, just because Penelope wants Colin doesn't mean he's hers and should be ashamed for not wanting her.

As for Eloise, Penelope revealed something she knew could make her be excluded, punished by authorities, she and her family. AND had the audacity to say Eloise talks, but never tries to do something about it (Girl, you totally stopped her from actually trying to do something, don't be a hypocrite). Far worse than Penelope overhearing Colin saying to à group of gentlemen he wouldn't court her, which only dims her marriage prospects, but not her status as a priviledged one (because yes, she is. Also, it doesn't happen like that in the books).

Penelope is no moral compass. She shouldn't be. She points fingers and yes, does ruin lives by writing her little anonymous articles, but for the moment, that's all she does.

[nayaaatv]

seungcheol bf hcs !

✰ ; fluff, kinda crack ?

warnings : none ?

wc : 0.6k

a/n : did yall miss me?? LMAO

no cuz… this man. hes so… needy. when you give him what he wants he has the most attractive, goofiest, smile. like if you just start randomly making out with him he'd smirk so fast. a lot of people say he's always taking the lead, but he loves it when you just do whatever you want to him. like oh my god hes so in love when you pin him down on the bed, and ur like on top of him kissing his beautiful lips RACKCK

has a habit of doing stuff with ur hair. like if u have long hair he'll tye it up in a ponytail for you, if you have short hair he'll brush it the most angelic way, if u got no hair at all he'll just respectfully pat ur head and look for something else on you to take care of.

he really does love taking care of you. it makes him feel content for some particular reason. like he'll do stuff like keep you on the safer side of the sidewalk, hold your bags or stuff, give you shoulder massages when you're having a rough day. he loves protecting you. he loves it when you do the same too, hes just your typical male-wife. cheol cutie

you're the first contact he calls when hes drunk. 80% it could be him calling but 20% its his members or who hes drinking with. it could be because he needs a ride and is definitely not in the designated driver state, or he just misses you but in drunk talk. he sobers up as soon as he gets into your arms.

if you come home late or if he comes home earlier, he always leaves his room door open. he's either waiting for you to come home doing whatever or he falls asleep hugging a pillow, imagining its you. its like the cutest thing too. "hi baby, did you eat yet?" - "welcome home love" - "come to bed, missed you"

willing to do anything you like doing. if you like those hardcore roller coasters he'd go on it 10 times just for you. if you are from another country or spoke another language he would spend his free time learning it in secret to surprise you. he'll do anything!!!

doesnt judge you for anything. you could say you prefer blue mustard over ketchup and he'd go "oh cool, want me to get you some next time?" without even questioning if blue mustard even exists (it does not... i assume). you could say you could eat a duck, and he will legitimately buy you a cooked duck. "you said you could eat a duck?" he's so random with you i love it.

besides him being a male-wife, hes really protective. like 10 seconds after he sees a dude checking you out he like subtly but not so subtly covers you up. its funny and cute at the same time. by protective i also mean gets jealous easily. like if he sees another guy with his arm on you or like just really close to you in general hes either going to ignore it and assume hes a relative, or pout for the rest of the day. ㅠㅠ

in all seriousness the man knows how to control himself. he trusts you a lot so if you trust someone, he'll trust them too. he just loves you so much. he could be a dumb bf but only with you. he could never ever ever show this side of himself to his members willingly, but if he had to, he definitely would. he wants to show how in love he is with you but hes just a bit shy yk? but he loves other stuff like holding hands or putting his arm around you in public or with other people. like that cheesy stuff. hes a basic boyfriend, but your basic boyfriend :).

✦ ; @odetoyeonjun @stuckinmyhead5 @guavagyu @starry-mins @pearlygraysky @enhacolor @khypods @yoonzin0 @enha-choo @shadowofgyu

m.list -- joshua is next ¯\(° °)/¯

[familyabolisher]

if you wouldn't mind sharing, what did schitt's creek do disappointingly in its story? thank you!

so, like. i mean, i think the show was flawed from the start -- i think a lot of the jokes rely on this image of the, like, small-town 'hick,' that in turn relies on a pretty hefty set of classist assumptions that i don't think dan levy was, you know, interested in interrogating in any serious way. i don't watch sitcoms for their revolutionary politics lol but there were certain moments in eg. roland and jocelyn's characterisation in particular that left an incredibly bad taste in my mouth. (ftr i think season 1 is pretty poor, 2-4 are genuinely good tv, 5 + 6 are a mess.)

but my specific frustration was -- so, at the end of season 4, we see moira despondent that the crows have eyes 2 was shelved; we also see the culmination of a season's worth of work having gone into the community production of cabaret. from here, the plot beats seemed so obvious to me that i was literally like certain i knew how moira's arc would end: clearly, this was an opportunity for her to realise that pursuing the sort of 'fame' she had before was a losing battle that was making her unhappy (and had always made her unhappy!), and that she could find genuine fulfilment through pursuing the kind of 'local,' small-town community opportunities that cabaret was supposed to represent. i mean obviously i have my various communist gripes with this position, but like, by the standards i hold sitcoms from nepo babies to, it's fair enough! it's a compelling enough response to the setup of the show -- the roses have lost everything and have to learn to live without everything. moira relied on a seemily fictitious narrative of public adoration; an insanely easy way to eke some character growth out of her would surely be to have her realise that small, local projects with her friends bring her a joy that public validation never could.

but, like. by the end of the show, moira gets back on the showbusiness ladder, to the point where her old show is rebooted. johnny gets a foot back in the business world. alexis is a businesswoman. david is a businessman! david chooses to stay in schitt's creek whilst the others leave for NY and cali, which is a compelling enough narrative choice on its own, but like -- come on, he opens a v bougie business and Gets Married and whatever the fuck else, it's boring, it's the same old narrative of assimilation into the bourgeois classes. it makes for a nice contrast against the end of season one but i don't believe he's a fundamentally changed person; he's just found a way to make his old tendencies make sense in a new setting.

there's a sense that the lives of the roses essentially reset; that they've been given the opportunity to return to their old lives, taking the 'lessons' they were able to learn from their time in schitt's creek with them. if anything's been "learnt" then it's these v individualist perspectives on, like, bootstraps and hard work; david and alexis have graduated from being nepo children into people with a legitimate intellectual claim to the bourgeois class. johnny has proven himself as a businessman. moira has uhhhh put on a production of cabaret, which justifies her going back to the old life that clearly made her miserable. like -- there's no sense that their old lives were bad, just a sense that they hadn't quite earnt the right to them yet. and in that, everyone in schitt's creek ends up ultimately reduced to a vehicle by which they can earn the right to their bourgeois status. it's a v nasty ethos, and as much as i find individual points of the show pretty funny (like, funnier than your average sitcom), i just -- like, it's so cruel at its centre?

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

Laughter Leaves the Perfect Opening for Heartbreak

I read this somewhere and I cannot for the life of me remember where now. But I have taken this to heart.

Writing a good, silly, funny character is hard. Sometimes you go too far and they're more irritating than funny. Because laughter is a legitimately hard emotion to evoke in people. A lot of comedians have opening acts because you have to warm up the audience - get them in the mood for laughter. Because to make someone laugh intentionally when you know maybe they're not feeling like it - that's hard. When they know a joke is coming, people guard themselves - so the joke has to be really, truly funny.

And when you get people to laugh - honest and sincerely laugh? Boom. Straight shot to the heart. The walls are down. Move in.

Because when you're dealing with a sad character, you know you're gonna be sad. Going through a sad story that starts sad just becomes an exercise in endurance. Which isn't necessarily "oh this made me sad" but like "Im already sad and Im trying to be different". Tragic is a gut punch when its a status change and not like an ongoing status effect.

There's a thin line between comedy and tragedy, but not just in a comic scene could easily be twisted as a tragic scene. The thin line is also all the ways a comedy sets an audience up for tragedy. When the audience is all warmed up, they're easier to affect - their emotions are loose and for the molding.

Which is why Sam is So Good. His perfectly tragic characters are those that make you really happy - take you up and up and up. So it's a hard fall down.

FCG/Loquacious are perfect tragedies because they're supposed to be shy of ridiculous.

[groupiewhoreee]

❥ Could you possibly write some nsfw head canons for megadeth

hiii! yes yes yes, i could! thnx for your request! <3

MEGADETH HEADCANONS! (NSFW ADDITION!)

Minors don't interact! (18+ folks only, i'm very sorry! Yes, you can still interact obviously, I can't force ya with anything. Its just recommended you leave.)

90'S LINEUP! (Mustaine, Marty, Nick, and Junior.)

DAVE MUSTAINE

Ah yes, Dave. He legitimately becomes an animal during sex. He's rough, degrading, and a dirty talking son of a bitch/j. Although at other times, he can be very sweet— and affectionate. He can also be quite sensual. He doesn't mean to be all rough with you. But, I feel as if it just depends on his mood and how he is feeling at the moment. Aftercare though, omg.

Aftercare is the BEST. Woweee. He holds you, cleans you up, makes sure ur okay. He will do anything for you. He will cuddle you afterwards, and spoon you. But he can also just pass out afterwards quickly enough. Not all the times though.

Thigh man. He loves thighs. He lives for biting and leaving marks on them. Best place to stick ur head between.

Also a tiddy dude. He can't stop staring at them ong. Big boobie, Small boobie, boobie is boobie. Just like booty is booty. He'll walk behind you or when he stands behind you he'll smack ur ass or just randomly grope ur breasts.

Loves eating you out. He can't help it, he says you taste like sweet candy. He loves it. He goes under tables and teases you with his tongue. He loves when you cum on his face.

Okay last headcanon. I think he likes when you tug at his hair. I think he loves when you just- lightly tug his hair and hold onto it. He gets turned on by it so much.

DAVID (JUNIOR) ELLEFSON

He's very sweet and caring during sex OMG. Like, he goes very slow, always making sure ur okay. Asking if what he's doing is alright, he wants to make sure ur okay :) He is very sensual. He can also be rough though, and demanding with you. But it depends on what ur doing. If ur pestering Dave, somewhat flirting with Marty or anyone else besides him he gets mad. He's possessive. Not all the time though.

Ass. He loves ass. Small ass, big ass, any ass is fine with him. He loves to just, grab or smack ur ass when he stands or is walking by you. Dave had to talk to him about doing that in public, because he's noticed him do it to you. Marty and Nick think it's hilarious, lmao.

Definitely has a breeding kink. Nuff said.

Loves when you moan his name out, public or not. He wants people to know how good he makes you feel, so moaning his name is the way to let him know.

Seeing you in white or red lingerie. OMG. It turns him on sm. He will not hesitate to take photos of you in it.

MARTY FRIEDMAN

Aw Marty is so sweet during sex. Its like all giggles and fun. Like he can't help but remain eye contact with you and crack a smile, and get you to laugh. Sometimes he'll randomly blurt out a joke or something. He can never be as rough. But sometimes he can be dominant enough. But he's always laughing when you make a funny noise or fall off the bed which, has happened before.

Aftercare is just— wow. He'll make sure ur okay, clean you up. He'll hold you until the end of time, mess with your hair afterwards, and make you laugh afterwards as well. He will spoon you, cuddle you, bro its so sweet and affectionate.

I feel as if you have to get him going in order to have sex. Either teasing him unfairly under the table, tugging at his hair, and trying to do things to him sexually is what you'll have to do. But either times its, He pops one and its the go-2 usually is what mostly happens.

Tit and thigh man. Loves to leave hickeys in those areas, and he love to stick his head between ur thighs, or rest his head on them. He loves to just randomly grope ur boobs at times in public. Nick saw him do it once and never said anything afterwards.

Purple, or red lingerie. He goes nuts seeing you in it, no way.

If he's on tour without you, he has a small photo book of you, so he jerks to that, or he has phone sex with you.

NICK MENZA

Sex is practically shits and giggles too. Nick can't help but joke around with you sarcastically during sex unwillingly. He will randomly crack jokes with you or laugh when you did something stupid. Literally, he can't help but giggle like a little school girl. He can get rough and degrading for sure, muttering slut and whore in ur ear, whispering sweet nothingness in ur ear as well. Dirty talking off to you.

Has a large photo-book of you doing sexy poses and you dressed up in nurses outfits, school girl outfits,, and lingerie. (Black or white preferably for him.) He can't help it. He weirdly made like a magazine out of you doing sexy stuff that turns him on.

He can be submissive at times with you. Adores calling you mommy and how you tease and edge him on. Calling him good boy and shit gets him going.

He can't help but love when you tug lightly on his hair as well. He loves it.

Hates when your talking to others. Specifically men. He's like junior. He gets possessive over you. He won't hesitate to pull you to the side to teach you who you belong too.

Boobs. Nuff said.

[flameswallower]

Briar's Favorite First Time Reads of 2023!

I read sixty or so books (start to finish) for the first time this year, which is pretty average for me. I liked most of them pretty well, since if I dislike a book I usually won't finish it. But there were some stand outs, which I'm going to list here.

First up: NOVELS!

Pseudotooth, by Verity Holloway (2017) is the first portal fantasy coming of age novel I've read in a long, long time that I found genuinely charming. It has a very dark Gothic edge to it, with shades of Gormenghast and Edward Gorey making for a uniquely unsettling and bleak fantasy world. The novel also deals frankly and seriously with themes of ableism, eugenics, medical abuse, xenophobia, socio-economic class, rape/sexual abuse, and the psychic fallout of rape/sexual abuse. But it's got a lot of whimsical absurdist humor to it, too, and a deep humanist compassion for its characters. The three young adults at the center of the story are all quite likeable, and though they are involved in a kind of love triangle, I found the particulars of it refreshingly queer, strange, and not the primary focus of the story.

The Marigold, by Andrew F. Sullivan (2023) is a pitch-dark, stone cold bummer that is also frequently hilarious and emotionally moving in tender ways that took me by surprise. In this dystopian satire, a bunch of down-and-out relatable characters and one horrible rich guy struggle to survive as near-future Toronto is engulfed by "the Wet"-- a sapient mold-based hive mind accidentally created by the depravity and greed of big business. The residents of the titular condominium/apartment complex feature in short vignettes that demonstrate the despair and alienation people suffer under late stage capitalism, and the way the Wet calls to these people, lures them in, hunts them.

The Open Curtain, by Brian Evenson (2006) is a harrowing nightmare about madness, violence, possession, Mormonism, and the destabilization of one's known reality (well, see also "madness"). It's a type of story that could easily feel shlocky and exploitative of people with certain mental disorders, or just predictable (there are some plot twists you'll guess very quickly if you've ever like...read books or seen movies before...), but Evenson's unornamented yet masterful prose, his meticulous attention to detail, and his non-condescending empathy for both victims of violence and people struggling with delusions, violent impulses, etc. make it rise above those potential problems. At least in my opinion! This one's very disturbing, will definitely leave you feeling like shit.

Hummingbird Salamander, by Jeff VanderMeer (2021) is very emotionally moving and a suspenseful, well-plotted eco-noir page turner! Also a bummer, but leaves one feeling awe and hope and determination as well as mourning the devastating loss of life that climate change has wrought. The protagonist is great, a truly unusual and unlikely detective. I loved her voice-- like any good noir hero, she can throw off a legitimately funny sarcastic quip with the best of them, but she's also prone to astute social observations and flights of breathtaking lyricism.

How to Get Over the End Of the World, by Hal Schrieve (2023) is a TRAGICALLY under-promoted and underrated punk rock magical realist YA masterpiece about trans high schoolers, and their dysfunctional adult mentors, putting on a rock opera to save their community center. This one, unlike most of what I read, is NOT EVEN KIND OF A BUMMER. It's delightful and hilarious from start to finish, though it's definitely not saccharine-sweet or afraid of conflict. In fact, it deals quite bluntly and refreshingly with topics ranging from the relationship one character has with his violent, abusive father, to sexual relationships between teenagers, to the ever-looming awareness of climate change. Every major character is trans! Every single one!! This is kind of a spoiler, but, like, not really lol

Sudden Glory, by Hal Johnson (2023) just goes to show that guys named Hal can really write comic novels. This book has perhaps the highest joke-to-paragraph ratio of anything I’ve ever read, and also probably the most varied types of joke: a person whose sense of humor runs to preposterous situation comedy, slapstick, and lowbrow sexual humor will find a lot to like here, and so will someone whose sense of humor runs to moderately esoteric literary/historical references, social satire, five-layer wordplay, and Wildean bon mots. Since it’s set in the New York City of 2003, there’s even room for a few 9/11 jokes, which could not have appeared without controversy in a book actually published in 2003. This slightly "politically incorrect" edge comes off as good-natured and in keeping with Johnson's commitment to absurdism-- there's never a "laughing at" vibe, more one of "laughing with" human folly, futility, pretensions, etc. At base, this is a story about a person who feels he can't tell the truth or be himself for fear of social rejection, and all the trouble that gets him into.

Piranesi, by Susanna Clarke (2020) is fucking gorgeous, probably one of my favorite books of all time now, this hole was made for me, etc. I can't reasonably expect that most others will have as intense a response to it as I did-- I felt it perfectly conveyed some very important and difficult to articulate things about, like, my personal experience of consciousness, and my experience as a person with certain types of neurological/cognitive/developmental disability navigating the world, through a kind of fabulist prism. But it got great reviews, so, you know, give it a shot! I think it's better not to know anything about it going in, but let me just say, if you're into weird, massive labyrinthine buildings, this hole might also have been made for you.

Devil House, by John Darnielle (2022) is exactly the novel you'd expect "the Mountain Goats guy" to write, in all the best possible ways. It's a story that elevates the inner lives of neurodivergent outsider teens to the mythic heights they deserve. It's a story that brutally critiques the true crime industry. It's a story about the problems of defining people exclusively by their victimhood, or exclusively by the worst thing they ever did. It's a story about the importance of having a little space to oneself, a shelter from the demands and threats of an often cruel world, and the lengths to which a person will go to defend such a shelter if it's broached. Also, there's a long, nauseating section about how it's actually really difficult and gross to chop up a human corpse for disposal.

[fatuismooches]

HIHI!!! it’s 1am but i come to you with that fluff thought i promised ya :DD (..and an angst one, it’s okay!! dottore will wipe all of our tears </3 ). i’m sorry if i’m like!! brainrotting too much!! you’re so fun to hear the opinions of, and i love talking about this

dottore with fragile reader would be so soft, i like to imagine he really does put in the effort for those picnic dates that you always talk about. Does it mean carrying you there and making a spot where it’s much warmer rather than the cold unforgiving winter in snezhnaya? having a segment travel all the way to liyue for a snack? yes. it also means kissing your forehead as he extracts blood from you, clutching your hand when he knows you’re nervous, holding you no matter how busy he is. He can have you on his lap while he works, no matter how sick you are- it’s worth it to hear his true assistants thoughts. You’ve always been the most important. (dottore probably does not like the replacement assistants and purposefully makes their jobs harder…or the segments pester them because they love you just as much).

…on the other hand

on that traveler finding fragile reader note…omegatorre deleting all/most of the other segments probably meant it was much much easier for traveler to even get to that area in the first place. normally, the lab and area would be swarmed with dottores, but because of omegatorre- now zandik will have alot less. He can’t put as much energy into creating segments because he’s focused on the cure, but *now* traveler is with who he loves most, and he has to stop them. you’re right!! la signora, childe, etc had someone that drove them to become their worst to protect their memory, futures, etc- you are everything to dottore. you’re everything to zandik. ofcourse traveler has to win somehow, escape somehow, its their story after all- so now all zandik could do, is grab you, run, and fix this.

- 💌

(x) 💌 ANON OMFG I LOVE U… ANGST + FLUFF THE TWO THINGS THAT WILL KILL ME SOME DAY 😭💕💕 dottore + fragile reader lives in our head rent free huh

oH MY GOSH THOUGH THE PICNICS- You’re so right. Fragile! Reader tends to get super nostalgic about their Akademiya days/when they weren’t sick. So a lot of times they daydream about how they use to catnap and tease Zandik under the sun while he just muttered about how “this is a waste of time” (even though he secretly enjoyed it.) And now you just think about how these things are probably never gonna happen again for a long time :( but Dottore and the clones are like. We’re going to make it happen anyway. Since it’s quite difficult for you to leave the lab, makes me think about how once I said he built a specific room for you to emulate the outside world’s scenery. He literally got the same spot you two used to go to replicated for you 🥺 And hehe you’re so right about the clones. Mfs would do anything for you even if it means going halfway across Teyvat for Fried Radish Balls. (They make it back in record speed too😭 and present to you your snack as if it’s worth more than gold)

I just love the idea of Dottore being a genuine doctor with fragile! reader 😭 like it’s funny and cute to think about him doing legitimate doctor things and not the illegal ones. Taking blood - he’s a bit surprised when he finds out you’re kind of scared of that and needles and such. Doesn’t know what to do at first but he decides to just ramble on about his experiments and discoveries (Dottore knows you enjoy it) to distract you and then gives you a little kith and chuckles when you’re surprised it’s over that quickly. (Now im just thinking abt fragile reader running away since they might not like all the shots and medicine he has to give them) Also checking your heartbeat - every time he gets hella smug and cocky because your heart always races so fast when he’s so close to you “Oh? Is everything alright? Your heart is going rather fast… certainly not normal. I wonder, what could be the reason?”

Sitting on Dot’s lap while he does work >>> Even with all the clones he has he still gets stuck checking some boring papers every once in a while, and you just like. Sit on his lap and peer at them curiously. Also bothers him by pulling his little cheeks and kissing them <3 and nod enthusiastically as he discusses science stuff. (No fr all the dottores despise the regular Fatui assistants and some of them have gone missing 💀)

Okay angst… I’ll never get over the clones being deleted im in tears (I pretend I do not see it) Zandik never missed his clones more than in this instance. Sure, they fought a lot and caused problems sometimes. But he knew that nothing would ever happen to you because they would protect you at all times. And now it just so happens that damn Traveler had to come at the worst time possible, when security was low. Of course he knows the Traveler not trust him whatsoever and he doesn’t like them either, so the idea of you being with them alarms him more than he liked to admit.

No one is immune to desire. Not Archons or humans. And you are what he desires and loves wholly, so he won’t let anything hurt you. He may be at a disadvantage, but he is the Second Harbinger for a reason. 

[anonymous-dentist]

I went through a midnight binge on your superhero deli au and its so good!!!! i would love to know more ab a lot of thing but first thisngs frist!

1- In the junior superhero program i was wondering how are the kids? i want to know more ab Juana, Tilin, Trump & Bobby and their day to day life or just simply their powers lol

2- I love the whole schtick w Vegetta being Lobo Nocturno!!!! funny shit we love that.

3- What kinda taco shop does roier work at its important!! (/j)

4- Is Slimecicle a Villain? are he an Mariana partners in crime similar to Philza and Missa?

5- FRENCH SNIPER LETS GOOOOO fucking love pomme shes so cool. I also need to know ab Etoiles what is that man doing, he must be upto something,,,,

6- Wilbur a Federation Sanctioned rock star lol? on a federation sponsered world tour? or just a rehgular guy?

7- Quackity my wet cat where are yoou???? Is Elquackity involved too? twins? one a villain and another hero? or not at all?

8- are you thinking of integrating the newer members? migth be a hastlr tbh but its a cool though

9- Cellbit's powers are pretty inch identyfy and modulate fear right? that is so fucking cool dude id never woulve though als any thoughts of bringing his whole "not a cat" bit from the server?

i thonk thats all of my midnig ramblings so far if i think of any more at a amore decent hour ill let you know

muah besitos x repsonder msi preguntas saluditos chayito tqm

Okay, long post!

Here's a few posts I've already made on the kids: - Arrival - Qualifications - Names - Abilities Other than that, they kinda just do... hero things. They do go to school at the FoH headquarters- basically homeschooling tbh. But they do patrols and they go out on fights and it's dangerous. They aren't usually all friends because it's a very competitive environment, so it's usually pretty lonely. Either your teammates hate you or they're dead.

Yeah lol, he's an alien prince and he will Not go back home now that he's got a family

Full disclosure, I've never even had a taco before so I didn't even know there are different types of taquerias, but the one Roier works at is lowkey his? Like his dads are rich af so they bought it for him as a birthday present when he turned 18, but he was like "Dads nooooo I wanna make my own way in the world!" so he works as a server and cook and lets other people take care of the business side of things. Is it practical? Considering he's also Spider-Man, it works for him! 4. So Charlie is kinda nothing, but he's been heading down a steady path towards villainy since his daughter, Flippa, was taken from him and put into the Junior Hero Program. He can't control when he Geggs out, though, so he kinda just sits in a sewer and mopes. Meanwhile Mariana was so bad at being a hero that the FoH literally kicked him out, and now he's also. In a sewer missing his daughter. But tbh the two of them will probably end up as partners in crime as soon as Charlie figures out how to purposefully Gegg all over the place 5. Etoiles joined the FoH entirely willingly because he fully and totally just legitimately wants to protect the city. But he lowkey hates everyone in the FoH and is like two seconds away from quitting and turning to vigilante-ing because he knows that the entire system is corrupt. But he wants to keep his daughter safe, too, so he's waiting to quit until she's just a bit older. Then they can be the father-daughter vigilante duo they've been planning to be since Pomme was, like, three 6. Wilbur is a rock star who can make flowers appear out of thin air, and his ability is so useless that the FoH can't even use him as a spokesman for the organization. All he does is make pretty flowers for his daughter and leave to go on tour, but that's fine, everyone loves him, anyway 7. So Quackity and his identical twin brother ElQuackity don't speak to each other. Quackity is an ordinary dude working at a coffee shop downtown with a shapeshifting ability that he uses exclusively for pranks and bullying. Meanwhile ElQ is a former villain who was "reformed" by the FoH. He works for them now, and he's the guy in charge of the Junior Hero Program: Dr. Duck, how scary 8. Yeah! Everybody's real in this au! I don't think any of them except Tubbo and Mouse and Bagi and maybe Willy and Rivers would ever appear in a proper big role because the story would focus on Cellbit and Roier and the people they know and work with yk? 9. Nope, nothing with the cat stuff this time. I'm focusing more on what the actual q!Cellbit is like in this au, what with the literal fear rooms and the spooky vampire castle and the fact that he's out here calling himself a vampire lol

[all-seeing-ifer]

Hey what's the silt verses? Should I watch/read it? It looks really cool and I could ask Google but you seem very excited about it and I wanted to give you an opportunity to talk about it if you wanna!

aaaaa ok ok ok!!!! i am SO glad you decided to come ask me about it - the silt verses is like. probably one of my favourite pieces of media ever and I am always excited to have a chance to just Scream about it! and since I'm currently on 48 hour tsv lockdown with the first episode of season 3 dropping it's the perfect time for me to get this ask.

so the silt verses is a horror audio drama podcast set in a fantasy world where everything is controlled by different gods. so there's gods of industry, gods of agriculture, gods of natural phenomena, even down to incredibly specific gods like the call centre god we meet in one episode. some are seemingly harmless or benign, some are seemingly malicious, but all of them are capable of acting in the world through miracles or the creation of saints (ordinary people who are transformed into.... something else by the gods' power) and most of them have their own religions following them and offering sacrifices to feed their power.

the twist in all of this is that in the world of the silt verses the gods have become completely controlled by the government and corporations, who decide which religions and gods are legitimate and should be condoned and which should be banned. the two main characters (at least in the first season, the main cast expands a fair bit in season two) are sister carpenter and brother faulkner, two worshippers of an outlawed river god on a sacred pilgrimage searching for revelations from their deity. along the way they encounter other religions and gods of the region, witness miracles that test their faith, and try to stay on the run from law enforcement.

tsv has SO much going for it and i do think anyone with even a passing interest in horror as a genre should check it out! fair warning it can get really disturbing (seriously season 1 episode 4 has some of the freakiest body horror i've ever heard in an audio drama, and that's just the tip of the iceberg) but if you check out the content warnings and think you can handle it, then please PLEASE do!!! the characters are so complex and rich and compelling, the relationships between them are also really compelling and evolve in unexpected ways, the voice cast are all incredible, the worldbuilding is super interesting and well thought out, it has that amazing balance of both serialised narrative and some really amazing out there "monster of the week" style episodes that i think a lot of people miss from modern tv, the soundscaping.... well, it does start off a bit wonky, but by the time you get up to the most recent episode it sounds honestly gorgeous, it has this really wonderful poetic-at-times writing style that feels both fitting with its eerie surreal tone and will also just hit you with some of the most incredible lines ever written that will get stuck in your brain and not leave for months!! it's about religious trauma and capitalism and living and dying in a broken system and burning that system to the ground and devotion and sacrifice and monstrousness and getting to choose the thing that eats you. with one season left to go it's perhaps slightly too early to call it a masterpiece, but.... yeah TO ME it's a masterpiece <3

so yeah this got a lot longer than i meant it to but tl;dr if you're into horror or even if you just don't mind horror please please listen to the silt verses. it's weird and gross and freaky and funny and rough around the edges at first and it's worth every second of your time

[cowboyemeritus]

Apex Predator (Aether/Reader)

Was it all a lie, a front to mask the primal savagery that lurks just beneath the surface? You can’t afford to think about that. It seems that even he isn’t immune to the madness that comes with a ghoul’s rut and now, you have to pay the price for your foolishness. (18+)

Read on AO3

A quick note: This one is a little intense. The reader is legitimately afraid for the first half of this. It gets resolved and the smut is consensual, but I just thought I should warn you. There's also a brief description of a seizure, so be warned.

You really ought to know your way around the Abbey grounds better. Certainly wouldn’t hurt you in situations like this. It’s just past midnight now, and though the full moon is shining brightly tonight, the dense trees drown you in shadows. Under any other circumstances, you no doubt would want to use that to your advantage; the dark fabric of your habit is more or less the perfect camouflage. This time, however, you know it’s no use. His demon eyes can see even in pitch black, and you know he can smell you from a mile away. Your only hope is to keep running and pray he loses your scent.

Everything hurts. You’ve been running for what feels like an eternity. Your legs ache and your lungs burn. Stray tree branches have left any exposed skin covered in scrapes and welts. Now you get why birching was such an effective form of punishment in the ye old days. If you were a little Victorian schoolchild, there’s no way in Hell you were misbehaving if you had that shit to look forward to.

A deep, angry growl pierces through the night air. It’s so loud that you can’t pinpoint the source; it seems like it’s coming from all around you. The thought that he can probably see you sends panic coursing through you. Your head snaps about erratically, your brain scrambling to pick out familiar shapes in the inky blackness. He could be anywhere and you’d have no idea until it’s already too late. You have no choice but to keep running. Staying still would only make you an easier target.

You had been warned about the ghouls when you first joined the Church. Although Papa mostly keeps them in line, they’re still wild and unpredictable creatures, ones that have a particular fondness for human flesh. Only the bravest and most lascivious of Siblings break the rules and dare wander into the ghoul dens, and they always return bitten, bruised, and walking funny.

But despite all the warnings, you just couldn’t stay away from him. You thought he was tame, the way he’s always so gentle and kind with his mortal cohabitants. You let him work his way into your heart, and you let yourself want him. Was it all a lie, a front to mask the primal savagery that lurks just beneath the surface? You can’t afford to think about that. It seems that even he isn’t immune to the madness that comes with a ghoul’s rut and now, you have to pay the price for your foolishness.

The tree root sneaks up out of nowhere, latching onto your foot and pulling you down to meet the earth. You’re so distracted by the white hot pain searing through your ankle that the sickening pop! barely registers in your head. The thick blanket of leaves covering the forest floor cushions your fall somewhat, but the impact still knocks the wind out of you. 

You lie there for what feels like an eternity, writhing on the ground in agony. In a sick twist of fate, your struggle to breathe keeps you from screaming and immediately giving your location away. You’re almost grateful, until the reality of your condition begins to dawn on you. Even with the adrenaline coursing through your veins, your ankle still burns with pain. A quick glance and you see that it’s bruised and swollen already. You’re not going anywhere anytime soon.

The air is slowly returning to your lungs when you notice the silence around you. It’s as if the forest is holding its breath. The chirping of late summer crickets, the hooting of owls, and the scuttling about of mice have all been swallowed by the night. Your blood turns to ice as you recall your childhood, memories of camping trips in the backcountry, of deathly silences like these, flashing through your mind. Suddenly, you’re six years old again. You and your siblings are clinging onto each other for dear life while Daddy has a look around outside the tent. He’s always been a good shot with that big gun of his, but that does little to calm your nerves. The silence is suffocating; if not for the whimpers of the other children you could have sworn you’d gone deaf.

Around the fire the next morning Daddy had explained it to you. He talked about animal instincts, the way they can hear and smell things humans can’t. That’s what helps them survive out in the wild. When the forest goes completely quiet, he said, that can only mean one thing:

The apex predator is near.

Another growl rings through your ears, and this time, it’s only a few yards away. You let out a choked noise, halfway between and scream and a sob, at the sound. As if on cue, the large ghoul stumbles out of the darkness, heavy breathing and the crunch of dead leaves steadily getting closer. He’s shirtless and not wearing his helmet, and you swear his eyes are glowing in the dark. The slivers of moonlight that have managed to pierce through the forest canopy glimmer menacingly off his horns and claws.

Frantically, you try to get up and run, but putting weight on your bum ankle sends you crashing back down to the ground with a yelp. You resort to scooting yourself away until your back meets a hard tree trunk.

“Aether, please,” you beg through heaving breaths. It feels like your throat is closing up. “Please, stop. You’re scaring me.” He continues stalking towards you, paying no mind to your pleas. The look in his eyes is hungry, ravenously so. A sick feeling settles in your stomach; he’s so lost in his rut that he can’t even hear what you’re saying.

In the back of your head, you know it’s pointless, but you look around for something, anything, to defend yourself with. You spy a decently sized stick poking out of the leaves to your left. By your estimate, it’s about five feet away at the very least - not close enough to reach as is, but if you dive for it you might have a shot. Aether is closing in rapidly. You have to make a move, and soon.

Leaning against the tree, you manage to pick yourself up. You’ll likely only be able to get in one stride before he changes his course and intercepts you. The distance between you shrinks; ten feet, eight feet, six feet, five, four, three-

Aether lunges at you just as you push off on your good foot. Even in his addled state, his reflexes are exponentially sharper than yours, and he quickly corrects his trajectory. He goes to wrap his arms around you but you duck, curling into a ball and dropping to the forest floor. The top heavy ghoul stumbles past you, barely managing to stay upright.

You fell a foot or two away from your original target, but it looks like your little stunt paid off. While Aether regains his balance, there’s an extra split second for you to crawl towards the stick and grab a hold of it. You brandish it like a club, swinging it wildly in his direction.

“Get back! Get the fuck back!” Your voice breaks from the sheer magnitude of your screams, your vocal cords raw and aching in your throat. The creature in front of you is unimpressed by the display. For a moment, you swear he grins at you, flashing a mouthful of razor sharp teeth. Before you know it he’s closing in on you again, and you muster all the force in your frail human body into one strike. In any other situation, the thought of having to hurt anyone, especially sweet Aether, is utterly repulsive. Just your shit luck that this is a matter of life and death.

Aether swipes upwards as you swing the stick down. Claws meet wood, cutting through like butter. The top half of the stick goes flying, and with it, any hope for your survival. 

At long last, the hunter catches his quarry. You shriek like a rabbit in the jaws of a wolf as Aether pounces on you. The sheer force of his body pressing down on you is enough to squeeze the air out of your lungs, effectively silencing you. He could crack your ribs, probably all of your bones, easily if he wanted to.

Is trying to scream even worth it at this point? You have no idea how far out from the Abbey you are. Even if someone heard you, it’s already way too late to try and save you anyway. Besides, Aether is the leader of the ghoul pack for a reason. You doubt that anyone, even another large ghoul like Mountain, could put up much of a fight against him. Your heart goes out to the poor bastards who will have to pry your cold, dead body away from him, if there’s even that much of you left.

To your surprise, Aether doesn’t tear into you immediately. He’s taking his sweet time, savoring the fear that wafts off your body. As if to prove a point, he buries his face in the crook of your neck and inhales deeply. He shudders. It’s only then that you realize his crotch is pressed into your front and he’s impossibly hard. If you weren’t about to be mauled to death, you’d be flattered, maybe even aroused. You would feel the way you normally do about Aether, and wouldn’t that be nice?

All this time, you’ve been fighting him, squirming and kicking and trying to push him off. It’s no use, you know, but just as Aether is driven by his nature to hunt and kill, you can’t resist the instinct to survive. Millions of years of evolution have tried to prepare you for this moment; creatures like him, however, were never supposed to be part of the equation. In the end, Aether is the one on the top of the food chain tonight.

A sob wrenches it way out of your throat when you feel the prick of teeth against your neck. The tears you’ve been holding back finally break free when it really sinks in that this is it. You are going to die here by Aether’s hand, terrified and in pain. It’s not fair, not at all. It’s not fair and you hate it-

The loss of Aether’s warm breath against your skin is immediate and profound. He goes rigid above you. Just when you think he’s going to sink his teeth into your neck and finish you off he retracts, pulling himself away. He’s kneeling over you now. His pupils, once blown out with bloodlust, are now pinpricks in a sea of purple.

“Sister?” He sounds utterly horrified, and you are so fucking confused. Is this some kind of cruel joke?

Something on Aether’s cheek glimmers in the moonlight. Your heart swells when you realize it’s one of your tears. Suddenly, you’re not so sure exactly what it was that had you so afraid.

“Aether?” You ask, voice hoarse. “What-“ Before you can finish the ghoul stumbles backwards, flinging himself away and curling into a fetal position. You prop yourself up on your elbows, completely and utterly dumbfounded, as he lays there in the leaves, body wracked with tremors.

“Sister,” he pants. “I am not myself right now. You need to leave.” He’s trying to keep his voice steady, you note, but there’s a pained twinge to it. When you remain motionless, Aether snarls, deep and primal. Against your better judgement, you start to crawl towards him. Despite all the terror you’ve just been through, you do still care about the ghoul, and seeing him like this tugs at your silly human heartstrings.

“You’re hurting-“

“I said LEAVE!” He snaps back up, baring his teeth, and you jump. The look in his eyes is frenzied, panicked, and intensely sad. It’s a look of deep shame, the likes of which you haven’t seen since before you joined the Church. You don’t want to abandon him, but you do as he says, slowly rising to your feet and starting to limp away. Obviously, your pace isn’t fast enough, and you can hear Aether groaning in pain as he desperately tries to hold himself back.

You’re not an expert in ghoul biology, but you know enough to get by at the Abbey. Trying to resist a rut, especially one of this intensity, can have severe consequences. Without a release valve, all of the energy that’s building up inside his body will eventually burn right through, consuming it like tinder. It sounds like a horrible way to go out, and the mere thought of it makes you cringe. For as powerful as the ghouls are, they, like humans, are not without design flaws.

Aether suddenly goes quiet with a loud crunch of leaves. You look and find him convulsing on the ground in a heap, a purple glow radiating out from his chest through his veins. It’s already starting, you think. Your ankle screams as you run to kneel at his side.

The amount of heat he’s is putting off is tremendous. You would think you’re sitting next to an open campfire the way your skin immediately begins to prickle with sweat. Is this what a fever is like for ghouls? You’re not sure if they can even get sick.

You keep Aether laying on his side until the seizing stops. It takes some effort, but you’re eventually able to get him on his back so that you can cradle his head on your lap. Judging by the pulsing of the purple light in his chest, you’d say his heart is still beating. Leaning in carefully, you bring your ear to his mouth to listen for his breathing. It sounds a little strained, but it’s there. You need to get help, but you can’t just leave him like this. Your only hope is that all the screaming has attracted the attention of the other ghouls.

As you’re monitoring his life signs, Aether’s nose twitches. Your scent, it seems, is enough to rouse him from unconsciousness. With a soft groan, the ghoul’s eyes open. Things are weirdly calm as he looks up at you, grimacing. Fuck, even like this he’s gorgeous.

“I thought I told you to go,” he says weakly, slurring his words just a bit. He absentmindedly reaches up to cup your cheek with a sweltering hand.

“You did, but… Aether, you need help.” He shakes his head.

“Sister, you don’t understand. When I get like this, I can’t control myself. I-“ The light in his chest pulses brighter and he cries out in pain. “I would never forgive myself if I hurt you.” He’s shaky again, and sweat runs in rivulets down his face and neck.

“And I would never forgive myself if I just left you here.” You place a hand on his chest and his pupils go wide. “What you’re doing…” You have to laugh. “You fucking jackass. You’re hurting yourself because of me and I can’t stand that.” Tears are prickling in the corners of your eyes again. “Let me help you.”

Before you know it, you’re on your back. Aether looms over you, and you can tell by the look on his face that he’s only partly lucid. This time, however, you’re not afraid. Much to your surprise, actually, there’s a warmth spreading deep in your abdomen, and you reflexively press your legs together.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he hisses. “Fuck, the things you do to me. All I’ve been able to think about is having you.” His grip on your shoulders tightens, claws digging slightly into your flesh but not breaking skin. “You drive me fucking crazy.”

You can’t tell if it’s the heat radiating from body or his words that have you feeling so hot under the collar. Either way, it’s almost comical how fast your fear and anxiety has turned into arousal. You never would have pegged yourself as someone who would be into this sort of thing, but here you are. Feeling bold, you decide to take a leap of faith.

“Show me.” A shudder runs through his body and he lets out a delicious sounding groan. If your panties weren’t already soaked, they certainly are now.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he pants, barely holding on to his restraint. His hips buck against nothing. You shake your head.

“You won’t. I know you won’t.” If he was going to, he would have done it by now. He looks away hesitantly before locking eyes with you.

“Tell me you want this. I need to know you’re not just doing this because you’re afraid I’m gonna die.” Always such a gentleman, even while in peril.

“Of course I want this. Fucking Hell, Aether, I want you.” You pull him down into a kiss and the last of his control melts away. Almost immediately, his forked tongue is claiming your mouth. You let out a yelp when a pointed tooth snags your lip, just barely breaking the skin. The taste of your blood sends Aether into a frenzy and he moans, crashing his body into yours. You part your legs as best as you can so that he can grind his erection against your soaked core, groaning into each other’s mouths at the sensation. Only now do you take the time to note just how hard, and how big, he is. He might have been onto something when he talked about hurting you. At this point, though, you’re too turned on to really care about that. You think you’re even looking forward to it.

Aether’s nostrils flare; he must be able to smell your arousal. He goes stiff against you and moans again, deep and desperate. If ghouls weren’t so renowned for their stamina, you’d think he came right then and there. The thought of your smell being enough to get him off makes your cunt clench around nothing.

You’re expecting him to start tearing your clothes off. He doesn’t have those claws for nothing, and the dumb werewolf books the sisters like to pass around have planted certain expectations in your head. To your surprise, however, your habit is still intact as he trails his hand down to feel your wetness. When he makes contact with your core, he lets out a soft growl, almost a purr. 

He hooks a claw under the waistband of your panties and tugs. He’s only able to get them partially down your thighs before his patience gives out. When he breaks the kiss it’s devastating, but you find yourself trembling with anticipation as he moves down your body. He takes a brief detour to nuzzle his face in-between your breasts and you laugh at the gesture. You realize he’s stopped to listen to the beating of your heart, his tail swishing back and forth behind him happily. Your head spins. How could you ever think he was going to hurt you?

Aether continues downward until you feel his warm breath ghosting across your sex. He pulls your underwear down the rest of the way and grabs your thighs, practically shoving them apart. You hiss as the sudden motion irritates your ankle. Without so much as a glance in your direction he lays your bad leg back down to rest and buries his face in your cunt. 

You would think he’s starving, the way he devours you so completely and thoroughly. You cry out into the night as he licks a wide stripe from your entrance up to your clit. He circles the bud and you can’t help but grab at his hair, hips bucking wildly. The rumors are true; the forked tongue makes all the difference. 

His claws retract and you sigh as you feel one of his thick fingers prod at your opening. You’re surprised he has the cognizance to prepare you for him, but you say a silent prayer of thanks to the Old One anyway. Based on the sizable bulge you felt earlier, you’re going to need all the help you can get. Aether gives your clit a harsh suck as he slides his finger inside of you. You arch into his touch with a moan, the pleasure coursing through you like a jolt of electricity. He pumps in and out a few times, all the while ravishing you with his tongue, before you feel a second finger at your entrance. It stings a little as it goes in; for as much as you appreciate the foreplay, you can tell he’s taking his impatience out on you.

“Oh fuck, Aether.” You don’t know if he can even still hear you, but you have very little control of what’s coming out of your mouth as he fucks his thick fingers into you. The stretch is just right; substantial, but not excessively so, caressing each of your nerve endings. It has every inch of you quivering in pleasure, your moans echoing through the darkness.

When the tips of his fingers punch into your sweet spot, you nearly scream. Scrambling for purchase, you find yourself grasping onto Aether’s horns as you press your hips into his face. He practically roars at the sensation, and in what feels like an instant he’s hovering over you again, claws back out and tearing furiously at the garments restraining his engorged cock. You’re glad he’s smothering you with his mouth when it springs free, otherwise you would definitely take a peek and end up scaring yourself. You already know that no matter what he’s packing, it’s going to hurt like a bitch, and you can’t help but feel a little anxiety bubble up in your chest.

He grabs your good leg, flings it over his shoulder, and then it hits you. You’re really about to let him take you there on the ground like a fucking animal. And he hasn’t even taken you out to dinner yet. The thought is mouthwatering.

And it does hurt like a bitch when he finally sheathes himself inside you, but you’re melting under him anyway. You’re screaming and moaning for him as he practically splits you in half and Dear Asmodeus you’re in love with the feeling. The two of you have danced around each other long enough, and finally having him like this just feels so right. You’re so caught up in surviving through the initial stretch that you don’t immediately notice how Aether has detached his mouth from yours and is still above you. When you come to, he’s looking down at you, shaking and chest heaving but otherwise silent. His expression, illuminated by the now softer purple light, is unreadable. But it’s definitely him, instead of whatever creature he’s wrestling with for control of his body.

“Are you okay?” You ask warily. Aether hangs his head and inhales. As he lets the breath out, you hear him whisper.

“I wanted to be able to make love to you. For so long. Fucking blew it.”

You want to comfort him, to reassure him that the two of you will sit down and sort this whole thing out later, but before you can get a word in the beast takes over. He starts bullying his cock into you like he needs it to survive and in theory, you suppose he does. The sting never quite goes away, but you find it heightens your sensitivity to everything else. It harmonizes with the pleasure, amplifying it until it drowns out any discomfort.

“Fuck! Oh, Aether.” Suddenly, you’re very glad to be out in the middle of nowhere; the noises you’re making are embarrassingly decadent and you’d never be able to live it down if someone at the Abbey heard you.

Before you can think better of it, you’re reaching up to grab Aether’s horns again. His next thrust is a brutal one as his tail shoots up to wrap around your ankle, pulling you into him with increased force while his cock - for the love for Lucifer, his cock - you swear it’s filled out even more. He grinds his pelvis into yours just enough hard enough to start stimulating your clit and you are done for. A few thrusts later and you’re falling into your climax, thrashing against Aether and wailing into the cool night air.

“Fuck yes! Oh, fuck. Oh my god, Aether. Ah-!” Your eyes roll back in your head as he fucks you through one orgasm and quickly towards the next. The overstimulation is… Painful? Euphoric? You can’t quite tell anymore.

The large ghoul groans as you spasm and squeeze around him. He’s still glowing, veins thrumming with magical energy, but the heat inside his body has dissipated to a tolerable level. You crane your neck up to kiss him and gasp into his mouth when you feel something hard start to swell at the base of his cock.

The rumors remain unrivaled in their accuracy.

Aether’s pace begins to falter, his knot working further and further into your hole with each thrust. You’re already dangerously close to cumming again, and when he lays a soft, but claiming bite to the leg propped up on his shoulder, you’re teetering on the edge. It’s the pop of his knot coming to sit fully inside you and the feeling of unfathomable fullness that finally does both of you in, moaning as you fall over the precipice in each other’s arms. Halfway through his climax Aether starts coming back to himself, whispering profanities through gritted teeth as he rocks into you a few final times and goes still.

“Are you okay?” He eventually asks, scanning your features for any signs of distress. When you nod your head, still struggling to catch your breath, he lets out a relieved sigh. You feel like jelly as he puts your leg down and begins maneuvering you both to lay on your sides.

“It’s gonna take a few minutes to go down,” he says sheepishly, glancing down to where you two are connected. “Sorry.” A beat passes, Aether looking at you with the saddest eyes before he speaks again. “If you don’t want to see me after this, I understand.”

Oh, Aether. Your sweet, silly Aether. You almost want to laugh, but that’s not what he needs right now. Instead, you choose to cup his cheeks and pull him in for a gentle kiss - no tonguing, no biting, just caring, maybe even loving.

“Listen,” you say, voice hoarse from all the screaming and moaning. “I know all this is not exactly, you know, conventional for humans, but it’s part of your nature and…” Your brain is absolutely fried. You decide to cut to the chase. “I’m saying I liked it. I like you.” This isn’t exactly how you imagined confessing your feelings to Aether - it feels so juvenile given the position you’re in - but the tender look in his eyes makes it all worth it.

“I like you, too,” he murmurs, pressing his lips to yours. Although the purple glow has almost entirely died down now, you can feel the way his face burns.

This evening’s events hit you all at once as the adrenaline in your system finally starts to wear off. Fuck, you’re going to be sore tomorrow. Your ankle gives a dull throb to let you know it’s still hurt and you wonder how the Hell you’re going to get back to the Abbey like this.

“Don’t worry, love,” Aether coos, nuzzling his face into yours. The pet name has you blushing now. “I’ll take care of you.”

You’re only barely able to mumble out a thank you before exhaustion is tugging your eyes shut.

[limerental]

I recently got back into witcher brain rot but all the tags are filled with people saying how shit the show is and how Cavil leaving is the end times cause he was apprantly the only thing keeping together the entire story where he is present for like 30% of the time, And its legitimately making me question my sanity. Like im fine with being obsessed with media thats objectively shit, hell most of my favs are absolute trash, but like TWN isnt perfect by any means but its not that bad right? Has all my media literacy gone out the window? Am i wrong for thinking this show is objectively good to peak mid? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Yeah, it's a little goofy silly that it seems like so many folks have forgot concepts like

a) enjoying questionably good sometimes bad sometimes good media mostly for the community that can build up around that media (see: spn)

and b) not posting constant hate within the tags of the thing you now hate

Personally, I came to the Witcher universe through the show and came to enjoy several show-only elements of the universe, even though I enjoyed and prefer the story of the books. I wouldn't prefer a book accurate Dandelion or Fringilla or even Yennefer. I've gotten attached to the ways that TWN expanded or changed several character choices I disliked from the books.

Because frankly. The books are great! They're also occasionally the worst. They're not some literary marvel of the ages. They're good books! Entertaining! Have some deeply interesting characters and commentary and are very, darkly funny and are my favorite books, but there are sure as hell things I would change if I were to adapt them.

That's not to say I would adapt them anything close to the way TWN chose to lol but it's just a little absurd and telling to me that so, so many people seem deeply invested in a book series (or at least in the idea of their fave meathead actor liking a book series) that they rarely seem to have anything to say about except in the context of bashing the show

Anyway sorry, tangent lol personally I loathe the witcher netflix and also, I enjoy it dearly. I'll be as grouchy as anybody when they do some questionable shit to my book blorbos and situations, but I'll still be having a good time because I choose to.

The only thing that's really ruined my enjoyment of the fandom has been people with constant bad faith takes, zero media literacy, and people slurping at hcav's boots